#dropping the mask
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And this everyone is why we teach about diversity young. That some people are just different. I'm so sorry this happened to OP. I'd love your book recommendations with the blurbs. I haven't mastered the art of stepping where the others step, I fail to mask at your level so it's easier to drop it because I step on landmines anyways. Keep trying with your therapist. Even bring a checklist of topics to talk about and be prepared to explain, "Well duh I picked up on these conversational things. It's because in the past when I didn't try people decided to crucify me when I didn't know what I did was wrong so excuse me of bring afraid that my therapist is going to hate me and not want to work with me anymore if I don't time when I blink. " Because that's your reality. That's your truth. You need to let the therapist know YOU and not the one yoy made up in order to function enough to get to her office.
because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#brutal honesty#dropping the mask#I hate these rules#neurotypicals are confusing#like lady I didn't get this good at pretending to be like everyone else just so you can tell me to my face that you think I'm k#like geez for real#get a grip on reality#why is this the base norm#NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE
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I honestly can't wait to see Adrien's reaction to the whole engagement thing. I wonder whether he will get jealous and just. Not completely, if at all, understand where it comes from. He just wants to hang out with his dear friend Marinette it's not like her engagement changes anything, right? And meanwhile his fae hindbrain is seething.
P.S. your posts made me want to go read lukanette fics after not engaging with the fandom (besides your comics) at all for *checks watch uh clock uh calendar* 4 years. Thank you<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
honestly before the jealousy even forms, the abandonment trauma hits like a freight train and he almost falls apart
#important note: gabriel is not on that list of people he wants to be with him forever#my art#changeling au#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#he doesn't take change well or the idea that people are going to leave him suddenly#probably bc after emelie died his shithead 'father' started ignoring him unless it was for business or reprimands#adrien tends to look a little creerchur around marinette even if he doesnt know he's changed how he looks#unintentionally dropping the mask around her bc he's comfortable with her#he does the same with felix and luka. sometimes kagami
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Hi !
I got bottom surgery on July 25th :3
I'm recovering well but I'll be on bedrest for a while. Collie and I will need rent help for September/food/gas/utilities/etc. Two disabled trans women. Anything helps ! Thank yall so much for all you've helped so far, it's saved my life ❤️
https://venmo.com/u/nora-esther-rose
https://www.paypal.me/NoraEstherRose
https://venmo.com/u/Leah-Esther-Rose
https://www.paypal.me/androgynophore
#leah is still her legal name#her mom helps w us having a phone at all and can sometimes help but never a full months rent help so thats def the most pressing matter#but we already paid august rent and we have a month so we'll probably be fine#actually still havent paid utilities :/#i was wondering if more donations would happen since the surgery date and apparently not#got three the day of and two the day before but we're at 70 rn after all the gas of dropping me off and visiting twice or smth.#idk. stupid van. she should be taking public transit but i get why she doesnt want to. barely anyone masks on public transit here anymore :/#edit update: collies mom helped us pay utilities for last month which was mostly the electricity bill. water bill comes every 3 months#so i guess we'll see how much that is.
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Dragon Age put important plot information in your games challenge
#the masked empire#dragon age#empress celene#dragon age inquisition#I remember the first time I read the masked empire and how my stomach dropped when I realized what she was fully#Like my Dalish inquisitor stood behind her….oof#anywho if you want to read it and don’t have access to it I’m gesturing to my pinned post
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If DC weren't cowards they'd let Jason move on to be a magic-crime-based detective instead of trapping him in the tragedy of his own death but NO I have to watch him beat people with a crowbar in THEE most middle school boy costume of all time
#jason todd#batman#original post#this is current Red Hood slander#Put a jacket on and drop that half-face mask w/ the hood. it's fuckin stupid and I hate it#red hood#dc comics
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cant wait to see xi in theaters and they have a character whos been in the pig mask the whole movie and then hello zepp starts playing and he rips off the mask and its adam and then we get a whole flashback sequence of how hes been alive this whole time and then we get adam and lawrence as apprentices together
#more ramblings from the most delusional person you know#he rips off the mask like Lawrence did in 3D and then takes a drag from a cigarette and then drops the most iconic comeback line#saw franchise#sawposting#sawtism#saw#adam faulkner stanheight#adam stanheight#chainshipping#lawrence gordon
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#sometimes i see a post on my dash and have to drop everything and slap a character on it because the post belongs to them now#honkai star rail#hsr#sampo koski#hsr sampo#shoutout to every single character story sampo has being about him crossdressing very convincingly to scam people#must be a masked fool thing now that we've seen sparkle doing sparkle things#there you go rinn#ray's records
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So our vamp isn't so heartless after all...
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3edit#astarion#astarion ancunin#astarion x tav#tavstarion#miyku#baldurians#usermorvaris#userwolfkissed#elminsters#userjai#userorion#userwaterdeep#useryuno#userairika#oc: maleane#maleane/astarion#my gifs#i'm not even bothering with trying to mask clipping anymore#there's so much of it#but yeah nah they're so cute!!#i recorded these when patch 6 kissies dropped#and thought it's a pretty angle!#aka pov: me in the bush with a camera
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Take your pick, which is scarier: the guy with the sword [sword not pictured], or the guy getting mad at you for hurting the guy with the sword?
There's not so much of a cohesive storyline on this one, just.. Damian getting injured in a large-scale attack and Jon rushing immediately from the other side of the city to be like, "D is this guy bothering you?"
[omg me when I realise I didn't put a mask on Damian HAHA it's uhhh it's intentional uhhhhhhhh it's an artistic choice uhhhhhh imagine he's wearing it rn HAHA]
#damian: not super bothered tbh#jon: so bothered. so so very bothered.#if Jon gets injured Damian is going to turn assassin mode back on#if Damian gets injured Jon is going Scary Dog mode#because uh yeah they are#bonus points if they had a fight before this large scale attack but the fight does NOT stop Jon from saving pookie#that's his POOKIE his BESTIE his SOULMATE his BRO his LIFE#literally best friends or lovers or whatever they are so locked in with each other#digital art#fanart#screentone#manga style#art#damijon#jondami#i love the name damijon bc it makes me think of dijon mustard and that makes me laugh! funfact!#damian wayne#damian al ghul#jon kent#jonathan kent#superboy#robin dc#also disclaimers: don't want to study outfits and I drew these with my heart#don't want to draw a sword so imagine it's discarded to the side or he dropped it or something (rip)#they're older here imo but idc how much older#and I like the idea that they both take after their mothers in build so they're both slimstrong#instead of bulkstrong like their dads#just realised dami has no mask on I'm screaming crying throwing up#illustration
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I was consumed by the need to see P in that incredible mask from Lisrim's original music video lmao 💫
#sin scribbles#lies of p#pinocchio lies of p#p lies of p#neowiz#djmax#(can you tell im like gasping for that dlc because i am. im about to turn into dust and disappear on the wind never to be seen again)#(i cant believe this is where life has taken me. but im also not complaining.)#(this is a formal request for neowiz to patch this mask in as a wearable accessory. actually this is not a request it is a heated demand.)#(i am currently sick but ill be damned if that stops me from drawing my wildest dreams i.e this)#(anyway the lies of p version of lisrim slaps like crazy and ive been feral about it since it dropped. AMEN.)#(the moment i saw the thumbnail for the og version of lisrim it was over for me i was given divine purpose and had no choice in the matter.#(you are my soooon YOURE MY SON. BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE.)
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[there’s no one to cut his hair anymore]
#he can trim his beard but his hair?#AND there's no one to perform the boy act for#there's no point in the schedule#what if he drops the act entirely or just uses it for fun to terrorize trespassers#he's good at doing the voice#he could change the mask (Jason did) but tbh i like the contrast#i just don't like him pretending to be a child PLS!#brahms the boy#brahms heelshire#my art#slashers#the boy 2016
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They’re always there where you least expect
#dunno if anyone’s done this yet but it popped into my head and I felt like a genius#dropped everything to draw this#the legend of zelda#zelda#tears of the kingdom#majoras mask#skyward sword
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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]
{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]
This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.
She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.
But it'd been almost a week since then.
The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.
That counted for something.
Not much, but something!
..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.
There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.
She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.
So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.
Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.
Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.
Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.
She really didn't like it.
There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.
She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.
She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.
That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.
Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.
But he wasn't.
He was out running her nation, instead.
And what was she doing? Nothing!
She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.
Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.
Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.
..She wasn't ready.
What was she supposed to say?
Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?
She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.
For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.
Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.
Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.
It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
"Focalors?"
The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.
She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.
"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"
The silence is deafening.
She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!
"Lady Furina?"
Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.
"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.
Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.
Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.
"Why aren't you killing me?"
The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.
She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.
"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."
The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.
He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.
..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?
How unfair.
"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"
She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.
..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.
She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.
For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.
Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.
For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.
Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.
She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.
She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.
She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.
"Again."
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#fic tag#neuvillette#focalors#furina#dont ask what happened here idk#this was. also supposed 2 be neuvi focused and then i.#dont talk 2 me abt focalors i wont ever shut up#got a 300k word essay on hand abt how i feel abt her character/how i interpret her personality and her story#focalors jsut like me fr fr (cries at the slightest inconvenience or the slightest mean comment)#shes so pathetic girlfail im gonna chew on her#what happens when reader gets stuck with two emotionally repressed french bastards?? hell#neuvi is the “emotionless” flavor of emotionally repressed in that hes HORRIBLE at showing emotions at all#ask him to smile and its incredibly unnerving and theres too many teeth but hes trying his best please call him pretty or he will cry :(#furina is the flavor of emotionally repressed where she makes it up by having Too Many emotions#using theatrics and masks to show everyone what they want to see but inside this girl is a MESS#constant anxiety and panic 24/7#will do random shit and look at you and if u dont compliment her she will think u hate her and cry#compliment her and she'll do even stupider shit to try and impress you more#i love my scrunkly little babies they r so stupid and mentally ill someone get these bitches some THERAPY#i want 2 put them under a microscope#watch this be ooc fr furina when more of her lore drops if shes not girlfail im leaving#anyway see u in a week im going on a trip ill get back 2 u in 6-7 business days
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tbh my latest biggest theory for why HoO and onwards is such a dramatic drop in quality and consistency is just. Rick stopped making teaching guides.
Like, the Lightning Thief teacher's guide is SUPER in-depth with even stuff like sources about middle grade child psychology and exact specifications of where he's applying that, explaining what different character's goals/motivations are, their dynamics with each other and their environments, etc etc. Even specifying which specific myths certain plot elements are supposed to reference or be about.
That stuff just doesn't exist for later books. There's activity guides and smaller, significantly more simple teacher guides for later books but they don't go into anywhere NEAR the same level of depth. The TLT one is a full lesson plan that breaks down the book at every level and explains what's going on and more or less why Rick did that. The others are all basically just glossaries of terminology and some simple question guides.
And they didn't even use the TLT teacher's guide for the Disney+ show because they clearly aren't adhering to any of what's discussed in that breakdown of the book.
By creating a teaching guide alongside writing the actual book, that's forcing you to document what you're doing, why, your sources, and information about your characters and the story they're in. It's like an even more in-depth version of a series bible. But that's lacking for later books (and etc) and it shows because that level of thought and depth and attention just isn't there anymore.
#pjo#riordanverse#rick riordan#rr crit#< i suppose#imo one of the most damning parts of the drop of quality in the later books is you can tell exactly what parts of what books#Rick had planned in advance and which are just filler to get from point a to point b#because characters will jump in and out of consistent behaviors - particularly in HoO - and those lapses where they act weird#are almost always super disconnected from the rest of the plot or storyline or whatever arc that character is on#or are just so clearly sped through because they aren't important#Leo is a great character imo to look at to figure out if it's a filler scene or not lmao#if he's clearly masking being somber by putting on a silly act but dropping it quickly or otherwise largely acting serious/somber#then it's probably a more considered scene and actually paying attention to his overall character arc#or just remembering how the characters are supposed to act (in Leo's case - quiet/thoughtful/somber but masking it with humor/etc)#if he's 100% silly goofy depression arc nowhere in sight then its probably mostly a filler scene or at least his part in it is filler#anyways i highly recommend reading the tlt teaching guide its really interesting actually
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so is nobody gonna talk about how this feels pretty foreshadow-y for the Aha!Sampo theorists
#honkai star rail#hsr#sampo koski#masked fools#i take constructive criticism but like... this feels like when we all collectively pointed out how Masked Fool coded he was#and then they dropped the Memory Bubble for confirmation
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my east blue polycule takes:
#nami and usopp drop their masks around each other more than with anyone else#nami wants sanji to dress in drag and do pushups and hes like omgggggg okaay do u like this? do u like me? and shes like thats not relevant#eastblueshipping#east blue polycule#clyde screams
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