#drink stars and get your heart broken all my favorite bands are doing it

[frengerino]

"death kink" fontaines d.c., 2024 / "learn our crystals" mew, 2017

[peeterparkr]

thus, with a kiss, i die| tom holland| 1.

chapter 1: strangers.

romeo & juliet modern au.

summary: the well known story of star-crossed lovers. Your local bar has two spots for bands, but only one spot for an opportunity to get a record deal. Your band, the Capulets and his band, the Montagues have been rivals long enough. But what happens after a night when you get to know their lead singer?

chapter summary: two strangers who have no expectations.

pairing: singer!tom holland x guitarrist!reder

warnings: swearing, alcohol mention

word count: 3.8k

this is literally romeo and juliet, it's one of my favorite stories, if you've read my other works you KNOW I love to quote it, and reference and eveyrhting. Anyway, this is my take on it. Modern world, hope you like it. I haven't written anything in ages so here goes.

character glossary prologue next chapter masterlist

wanna be tagged?

so, first chapter is finally here! I highly thank everyone who's been supportive of this :) i'm really happy to be writing again and to see people actually reading is making me go insane. Well, I hope you like it, I highly encourage to read the prologue to understand a bit more of the capulets and the montagues. This chapter is heavily focused on Tom and y/n separately. Again, this is my take on Romeo and Juliet, it's literally based on it with my modern twist but yes :) hope you like it, send feedback. Also, I have a playlist on apple music, I'm going to get it on spotify as well so I'll share that later.

The night seemed either too old or the light too young. Blurry, and messy seemed the evening before, a couple of drinks, two songs too many, and a gathering crowd that was too delighted. For his own good. 

Tom couldn’t recall what had been said, or done. Last thing he knew was he’d shown up, his bleeding heart puffing out of his chest as he continued to stab it under the spotlight. Making a show out of his broken heart.

Only Ben had asked if he could do it. 

“Yeah, yeah, I can do it with a broken heart,” he had pleaded. But could he? 

“Enjoy the spotlight,” had been the advice he had received from Monty. And although he wasn’t referring to the light, Tom later understood it meant the several attempts that were made to flirt with him.

He had given in, eventually. What else can you do with a broken heart? 

And as he woke up early from a cold bed, slightly too crowded, with a hand up on his chest he growled, leaving an empty trail behind him and a headache that would last. 

He didn’t say goodbye. He didn’t have to. The poor girl had probably just been a victim of his attempt to forget a broken heart. 

He’d left his motorbike at the bar so he had to clumsily and shamefully walk back to Verona. Thankfully he was now alone with his melancholic thoughts, an endless path full of misery and tears that were waiting to trace a map back to his pain. An unfurnished heart and his sudden questioning of what love was and if he’d truly felt it was going to keep him busy all day. If it hurt this much then he guessed he had felt it. But had he? 

He felt like he’d walked for hours. He wondered why it wasn’t raining yet he felt like it was pouring down on him. 

He’d heard much about love. How wonderful, a very splendid thing. Butterflies and unusual symphonies. He’d heard about love. But he didn’t know much about it. 

He’d heard little about love. 

Falling in and and falling out. He’d heard about hate, too. And how it was the absence of love. He disagreed much with it. For what he was feeling right now wasn’t hate. He felt empty. 

Falling out of love hadn’t made him turn towards hatred. Falling out of love was like losing air, like the sun wasn’t coming out, life didn’t continue and the whole world was meant to stop.  And the worst part of it was it didn’t. The sun came out, the birds were chirping and no one saw or cared he hurt. How dare the world continue when it had stopped for him? 

Maybe it was hate. Though, he didn’t know much about hate either.

 He’d searched for more love the night before or whatever was similar to it, perhaps that’s why he’d searched for some other lips for him. 

“Tom,” someone had interrupted his current inner monologue. His mind wandering had been brought back to reality all of sudden. Tom turned around to find Ben. 

Tom only raised his eyebrows  as he walked to his helmet. “Ben.” 

“You’re here early.” Ben commented. 

“It’s not early.” But it probably was. 

“It’s barely 9,” Ben declared as he stared at his watch. Ben worked the early shift at Verona, cleaning tables and getting ready for the day, so it was early. 

Tom groaned , “fuck.” Barely 9 and he had already died 7 times. 

He looked back at Verona that kindly had a sign which read ‘NO MONTAGUES ALLOWED TONIGHT.’ 

“What?” Ben questioned. “A few days ago you were in pain because you were falling in love.” 

“Out of love,” Tom corrected. “What happened last night?” He asked. 

Ben amused, chuckled. “Oh, darling,” he mocked his accent.. “You don’t remember?”

Tom rolled his eyes. “I know, I meant before,” he pointed at the sign. “Where the fuck am I supposed to drown this sorrow in alcohol instead?” 

“Ah,” Ben pressed his lips in a thin, thin line. “Well, the Capulets—“

“Piss off, I’m tired of that,” Tom rolled his eyes. “I have enough problems trying to understand why Rosie dumped me.” 

“And why did she?”

“Beats me,” Tom said. “She said I was too romantic. What the fuck does that mean? She said she didn’t want anything serious and that she wanted to have fun. Am I not fun?” 

Ben watched his friend with pity. “You know what?” He sighed, “I’ll take the day off, I’ll cheer you up.” 

Tom didn’t want that. 

But it didn’t matter. Not far from them Billie was cheering herself up, knowing that the night would be grand. It held the promise of the sun finally coming out for them. 

Billie had been waiting for a chance like this, and she knew her new friend Paris would help out. 

Paris, Billie thought his name to be ridiculous. For him only, ironically. Though it worked, she guessed. Cap had always thought they were meant for something greater than this. 

She often wondered what it could’ve been. 

She knew what they had set each other up, Capulets and Montagues. But she had her reasons. And her falling with Monty was something she often ignored and blamed him for. Monty was definitely at fault. He’d been the one to play with fire, he’d been the one to absolutely ruin everything. Which was a story for another time. Cap didn’t like to think about it so the reason will be kept secret. Let’s not get ahead. 

However Cap did like to think about how she’d ruined it herself. She had a marvelous time. 

People often called Cap a no brain woman. She took pride in that, although she didn’t agree. Although her last night with their initial band with Monty, “Shaken Spears”, was ine ti remember, she’d destroyed the whole place and humiliated him.  

It was fun. 

But now they were struggling because often bands are followed by popularity and Tom had given them just that. 

However she knew she was technically cheating. 

“So tonight’s your big night,” said Paris. Paris was more than just a bartender. His father owned Verona. And although Skylar owned the place she didn’t actually own it, and it was always Paris’ last call. 

So it did help that Paris had an infatuation with y/n, Cap’s younger sister, an incredible guitarist and a poet in her free time. Author of their best songs.

Or not really a poet, but someone who loved to poetize her sorrow. Same shit. 

“Yes, it is,” Cap smiled, “I’m glad we can prove we are better than the Montageeses.” 

Paris chuckled. “You are,” he agreed. “But they’ve got something.” 

“Yes, I know that British brainless brute,” she hissed. 

Paris nodded. “And he’s single now.” 

“Single now? Fuck,” Cap sighed. She thought Monty had probably something to do with it. Making the stupid hunk available would make them more appealing. 

“Yeah, and he already went home with someone,” Paris continued. 

Shit. This was even worse. 

“But I’m sure y/n will bring a lot of attention as well,” he cleared his throat. “I mean she’s incredibly talented.” 

“She is.” 

“Hope I get to—talk to her tonight.”

Although Cap was thrilled they’d be able to get more Saturday nights she wasn’t as fond for it to be at her sister’s expense. Although she knew she didn’t dislike Paris. 

Paris was a tall, handsome young guy. He had the brightest, bluest eyes. Y/N was fond of kind eyes. He was kinda cute, she guessed.

“Yeah,” Cap said. “I’m glad you want to befriend her.” 

Paris blushed. “I may—I may want more than befriending her.” 

Cap coughed, “you know, I’m not the one to make that decision for her. And if you want her to fall in love with you that’s your problem. You have to… woo her."

And she knew y/n to be sort of new to matters of love. Y/N was naive and stupid when it came to it. Her heart was an empty room ready to be filled. An open window letting the warm air in. Walls waiting to be painted. Her closet was full of dresses that were thrilled to be worn.  Y/N barely knew anything about it. She’d heard a lot about it, and spoke of it like a grand connoisseur. Words of someone who could imagine what it felt like. Romanticizing her lack of knowledge of love. 

“I know,” Paris said, “hopefully tonight I’ll get to talk to her, it’s the perfect setup.” He grinned to himself. “Besides, your idea to make it a theme night—“

“Shit!” Cap interrupted. “I haven’t given out these!” She took out a bunch of pink, blue and purple sheets, covered in constellations, stars, moons and suns which read: 

✨We are made of stardust✨ The Capulets invite you to celebrate the arrival of a new angel in their team.  Heaven, skies, signs and stars  mask themed party.  Greek goddesses, and mythic galaxies welcomed.   Costumes are encouraged. (Plus, you won’t have to pay cover if you’re dressed up )  Saturday 8 o’clock NO MONTAGUES ALLOWED.

Paris watched her. “I can get someone to hand them out.” 

And so he did, and before they knew it, a young boy was handing out the printed pamphlets. Nearby, some Montagues were sitting by. Getting a well deserved break. 

“You know the best cure for an old love is a new one,” Ben assured Tom, watching as the younger teenager who would earn a few bucks struggled to hand out the pamphlets. 

“I’d rather cut my own leg,” Tom rolled his eyes. “You know I just feel trapped it’s like this fucking emptiness is just spreading—Hello?” He turned to the kid who’d just interrupted them by approaching them. 

“Hi. Good heavens.” 

Ben and Tom shared a glance. 

“Can we help you?” Tom questioned. 

“Are you Montagues?” The kid questioned. 

“Who asks?” Tom raised his eyebrow, trying to get a glimpse of the pamphlet. 

“Ah, then you are,” the kid sighed and tried to keep his way. 

“No, we aren’t,” Tom grinned and then shot a death glare at Ben who frowned. “We aren’t, what’s that?” 

“The Capulets.” He handed it over so Tom could finally take a look. 

Tom smirked, “ah, their gig.” 

“You knew about it?” The kid asked. “You need the pamphlet thing to get in.” 

Tom glanced up. “If you didn’t want me to be a Montague I could only guess.” 

Ben glanced at Tom. “We can’t go.” 

“Sure we can!” Tom smirked. 

“I was told to encourage guys like you,” the kid admitted. He looked between them. “Apparently there will be a lot of pretty girls.”

“See? Didn’t you want me to get a new love?” Tom mocked his friend. “C’mon, let’s call Maverick, I’m sure he’ll be down.” 

“Didn’t you want to cut your leg?”

And someone else wanted to cut their own leg. Not too far from them, in an old apartment, full of vinyls, lipsticks, old bookds, half-written songs and stars, y/n was getting ready with her best friend, Nina, and Clara, Cap’s girlfriend. 

Nina was excellent at makeup and hair, even though she was just your usual case of a gril who dreamed with having her salon. Although, to be fair she mostly wanted it because she said it was the perfect place for other people’s gossip. 

“Can’t believe you’re finally joining the Capulets,” Nina commented as she was placing small stars and sparkles around y/n’s eyes. “Seems like only yesterday when you started playing guitar, and writing songs about books you read. ” 

“Why the hell are you being so emotional?” Laughed Clara, watching them, “you sound like a mom.” 

Y/N had always stayed far from the spotlight, she didn't like it. She didn't think she needed it for that matter. For her, she was just a wallflower, nothing too exceptional. No one really paid any attention to her so she didn't bother trying to get it.

“I am proud of my baby, that’s all, finally showing the world her talent!" Nina smirked, “you know she’s been begging Cap to join them since they were the Shaken Spears? And I was so sad when they split up.” 

“Why?” Clara frowned. 

“She had a crush on Monty,” explained y/n, and then nodded in agreement at Clara’s disgusted grin. “Uh-huh.” 

“We all have questionable crushes,” Nina defended herself. 

“Not me.” Y/N chuckled. But she'd never really liked anyone. Not that anyone fancied her.

Nina motioned a vomiting face. “Except y/n it seems, because she’s perfect,” she mocked, bringing her hands close to her heart. “She’s never dated someone who’s trouble.” 

“And I never will,” y/n laughed. 

“You’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, have you?” Clara questioned. “At least I haven’t met anyone.” 

“Nope, not one!” Nina said. “Hopefully, someone will catch her eye and she can bring them home.” 

“I haven’t had the honor, or misfortune,” y/n answered Clara.. “However I don’t think bringing someone home implies a boyfriend.” 

“You know Paris likes you right?” Nina smirked. , blushing.

“I am aware,” y/n admitted. She knew partly his infatuation had given them the Saturday night gig. She smiled, for the first time she wasn't invisible as usual.

Clara laughed, “Oh, and do you like him?” 

“He’s easy on the eye,” y/n rolled her eyes, her cheeks were flustered. “But in all honesty, I don’t want to… I’m not looking for anything, you know, Nina here is the love of my life so I don’t need anyone else.” 

Nina grinned. “I am her soulmate, that’s true.” 

“Besides, I’m more worried about music, and music is my one true other love, I can’t focus on anything else.” 

And she really didn’t want to focus on anything else. Perhaps, it may have been because she’d never yearned for love. She’d never suffered a broken heart, and she’d never felt that spark. 

That was a lie. 

She could only imagine it. But she didn’t know how it felt. She had always wondered how it would feel, if there truly were butterflies and a tickle in your skin. She wondered if love sounded like a gentle guitar weeping. She wondered if the world actually stopped, all of sudden only with a smile. She wondered if time really stopped ticking when it was felt. Did it taste as sweet as honey? Did it taste bitter? What did love smell like? Was it soft? Was it rough? 

Y/N always questioned why love had always hidden from her. She wondered how long love would take, because it seemed late enough. She’d been asleep for too long. 

She always wanted to love, without thinking, that never ending, the kind of love that is brainless, that makes you foolish. Y/N wanted to laugh, to cry and to feel. 

She knew her heart was special enough. Did no one want it?

And she knew Paris liked her, but she knew he wasn’t love. And she wanted to have it, she didn’t want to imagine it anymore. She wanted to be proven wrong, or proven right. 

To feel naked and yet warmed with the sun. Y/N always thought love would feel like a sunset. To love so passionately. To feel like you might die if you’re not around. She wanted to give her heart, to wake up with the stars wrapping you around in a haze. 

She could only wish. But right now, she was no one. And she knew she'd stay like that.

Or would she? 

Later, when the shadows can no longer be seen as the moon is your only companion, Maverick, Ben and Tom waited outside Verona. A lavender smoke surrounded the air and it held a promise for luck. The gig was about to start, and it was a full house. 

Stardust was the correct theme for the night. People dressed in bright, nightly gowns, girls with stars around their eyes. Moons, stars, angels, devil and gods. Greek goddesses, euphoric galaxies. 

The three of them, dressed to the nines, with masks around their eyes, giving imagination a go. Maverick, one of Tom’s oldest friends, stood right beside him. A sturdy man, tall, and handsome. Blue eyed knight, some liked to call him. He’d dressed as a galaxy, a starry, blue, litmus shirt, and a black mask to accentuate the oceans in his eyes. 

Ben, on the other side, only wore a white blanket around, a greek god had been his inspiration. A golden mask posed on his nose. 

And then, Tom, who had decided to go for something completely different. He’d worn a black, satin buttoned up just halfway the chest. A black mask, with golden feathers on the corners, to combine with the golden, covered in dark ashed pair of wings on his back. 

He’d learned from Maverick that Rosie would be there, so eventually he had to show off. Icarus, he’d gone as Icarus. 

They’d blended in with another group, and were astounded by the transformation of the place. Stars and suns hanging from the city, glitter and stars on the floor. Pink, lavender and blue lights, as if stardust had really covered the place. 

A fortune teller on one corner, with a bright neon sign behind her. Wings, feathers, and fabrics. 

“Jesus,” Maverick said. “If they keep going like this, you guys are going to actually strip on stage next time to stay relevant.” 

Tom only glanced around. “This feels like a dream.” 

Maverick scrunched his nose at his comment and Ben only chuckled as he arrived with the drinks. Unfortunately they hadn’t recognized them so he could get a bucket of beer. 

“Just drink, buddy,” Maverick handed a beer. 

There was something in the air, Tom could feel it. “I’m serious,” he said 

“Oh yes, yes, the old dream fairy visited you and gave you a glimpse of your future.” 

“Fuck off.” 

Before he continued, they were interrupted. “Well, hello, hello! What a lovely scene!” Billie said into her mic,  her stand was covered with flowers. Everyone turned to the stage, a projection of stars fell on her face. She had a glass in her hand. “I’m so fucking happy everyone could make it, and y’all look so hot.” 

A few laughs, cheers, whistles and clapping. Tom watched her, she was dressed with a dark blue dress, covered in small, silver moons combining with her silver mask, with stars coming out of it, surrounding her head. 

“I’m so glad everyone stayed on theme, but I do see someone dressed as a ghost, not sure if it’s the right vibe, but you do you buddy,” she smirked. “Anyway, I’m so happy that you joined us tonight. So, some of you may already know us, you know the gist,  we will play fun tunes for you, while y’all enjoy a drink, and you can sing and dance along. Are y’all with a drink already?” 

A loud cheer. 

“Amazing, I have a drink here myself, so cheers,” she took a sip. “I’ll be joined by my beautiful comrades over here.” 

Louder cheer, claps and a room full of noise. Tom had never been to one of their gigs, and the vibe was different from theirs. Cap was better at crowd work than he was. Monty usually talked and turned on the audience, promising Tom would take off his clothes. He never did. 

Seemed, however, the Capulet’s fanbase was more intense and devoted, rather than thirsting for them. Although he could see some people in the crowd were certainly not complaining about Cap. 

“Alright, I’m so I see a few new faces over here, I’m glad to see you so I’ll introduce these beautiful ladies,” she smirked. “And tonight’s the first night one of them is joining so make sure y’all clap and have this loud ass cheer, okay? We want her to feel welcome, so I want you to fucking scream and lose your minds for her, okay? or else I’ll beat your asses.” Laughs. 

“So first, let’s welcome the love of my life, Clara, who’s on the bass,” Clara walked in to say hello. Cheers, claps. 

Maverick, Ben and Tom all stared at each other. They’d never seen this kind of crowd. 

The girls kept walking in, as the cheers got louder each time. “Amazing, then we have our sexy Georgia on the drums, our lovely cute Sam on the keyboard. We have this hot badass on the guitar, bass, and fuckin’ ell everything that we need her on, please welcome Theodora.” 

Tom bit his lip, expectant. Why were they leaving the last one for the end? 

The place was moving. 

“But we know why you all are here, tonight all of this is for our newest member. Who isn’t exactly new. She’s been behind the scenes this whole time, she’s written some of your favorites like… Milky Twilight,” Billie smirked. “Flowers for two… Table for one… Yeah, yeah I know, and so many more, like our fan favorite Star shaped heart.” 

Ben and Tom were panicking. They had efinitely heard those songs. One of them was even  recorded already, and they had heard a rumour that it would be on the radio. Star shaped heart was the Capulet’s song. They’d always believed that Cap had written them so to hear the actual mastermind behind those, was terrifying for them. 

“and I’m so fucking happy she finally is on stage,” Billie said. “Please, welcome my younger sister, the talented, beautiful and brilliant y/n!” 

And Tom felt like he had been hit by a car. The girl had walked into the stage to the warmest, loudest crowd. The entire room had gone absolutely crazy. 

Yet, Tom felt the most calm, as he laid eyes on her. The whole world had stopped. Like an angel had flown over. A golden, long gown, folded, falling down all the way. As if sun rays were coming out of her, she was the purest light,  brighter than the sun, prettier than any of the skies above. Like she was floating above them all, flying. She was the sun.

Tom held in his breath as he watched her. It was a dream, it had to be, what else could it be instead? Maybe a wish, of one of those you wish upon a star.

“Okay, okay, so you guys all know us,” Cap said. “I’m Billie, but y’all can call me Cap. We’re The Capulets!” 

And they started to play. And Tom’s eyes could only be on her, her. And her name was roaming in his mind, the sweetest melody. A diamond. With a guitar covered in star stickers

The played a few songs and Tom finally tried to approach the stage as soon as Billie announced they’d get a break. He had actively avoided and ignored Ben’s and Mavericks comments. They continued to drink. 

Tom was in awe,and he couldn’t even hide it. 

Someone had noticed it. 

Theodora approached Billie. “We seem to have a stowaway,” she warned Cap, motioning to the stupid kid. 

Cap turned and saw him, lost and confused, watching them with veneration. 

“I’ll beat the shit out of him if you need me to,” Theodora said.

“Is that Tom?” Cap questioned, she’d never seen him here before, and honestly, she was too happy to care. “Ah, don’t bother, he is no trouble.” 

“But--” 

“We can’t have trouble, Theo,” she warned. “If we cause any mess Skylar will kick us out, alright?” 

Theo wasn’t pleased with that answer. They both were left too busy to see Tom had finally approached the sunlight herself. Who was currently by the bar, attempting to get a drink.

And so Icarus made his way to the sun. 

He only knew he wanted something, one kiss. That’s all he needed. But he couldn’t start with that. But there she was, alone with what seemed all the spotlights and yet no one approached her. How could they not?

He followed after her, as she was making her way out the backdoor. He guessed she thought no one was following her.

“Hey," his voice was soft.

The girl turned around, slightly startled, and it had been as if she’d been hit by the same bus as him. “Oh, hi.”  

-

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tags: @lnmp89 @blondygwendy @dangerousluv1 @love-granger @kikiwritesfanfics @astoldbydanid @erodasghosts @peterdarlingg @hollandweather @annathesillyfriend @mannien @sukunababe @adoredire @whosyourgnomie4

character glossary

prologue

next chapter

masterlist

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

how do u come up with your titles? they read like song lyrics- and if they are could u drop the songs 👀👀++ to what extent does that song influence the story? (my bad if you've answered this before I have terrible memory)

-🦀

Ooohhh crab anon, the bag of worms you opened!! You are completely right, (almost) every title of my stories have come from song lyrics. And not only have I compiled the songs for you, I’ve written a lil blurb on why I chose that song and included recommended songs for each fic with applicable lyrics. I hope these satisfy!

another cup of wine | “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl” Looking Glass

Listen, I’m gonna be real with y’all. This one is just because Darlin’ and Sam drink wine out of cups instead of glasses. No deeper meaning here, just an applicable lyric I liked. The song does have a sort of swag and divorced dad rock vibe that I think Sam in particular would listen to.

Recommended listening

“He Needs Me” Shelly Duval

“I’ll take a chance / I will because he needs me”

“No Choir” Florence + the Machine

“And it’s hard to write about being happy / ‘cause the older I get / I find that happiness is an extremely uneventful subject”

the only anchor i have left | poem by Andrea Gibson

The only one not taken from a song. I’ll link the poem below. I think the whole thing is very good for Bright Eyes. Lost and anchorless without something to be angry about. A common Andrea Gibson slay.

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9548512-what-if-i-don-t-want-the-monster-to-stop-being

Recommended listening

“Your Needs / My Needs” Noah Kahan

“To see a friend, to see a ghost”

“your life, your dreams / your mind, your needs/ my needs. / Your needs, my needs.”

“Second Child, Restless Child” the Oh Hellos

“And they saw the trouble in my eyes / they were quick to recognize the devil in me.”

i always wanted to die (clean and pretty) | “Last Words of a Shooting Star” Mitski

One of two or three Mitski lyrics I’ve used since she is just so good. Tbh I don’t know where I was going or where I want to go with this one. The general vibes are… tragic. I might retool later on.

Recommended listening

“Lonesome Town” Ricky Nelson

“There’s a place where lovers go / to cry their troubles away / and they call it Lonesome Town / where the broken hearts stay”

“This Too Shall Pass” Danny Schmidt

“We think too big / we think our self is one whole thing / and we claim that this collection / has a name and is a being / but deep inside / when every cell divides / well, it sets upon the rule that states / self-interest is divine”

let this whole town hear your knuckles crack | “Damn These Vampires” the Mountain Goats

Somehow the only fic so far with a title from tMG, my favorite band of all time. I’m sure I’ll find more in time. This song has western vibes that I don’t think fits the DAMN crew very well, and somehow I paired this song in my one fic that doesn’t involve Sam. However, the vibes are immaculate.

Recommended listening

Seventeen Going Under” Sam Fender

“I was far too scared to hit him / but I would hit him in a heart beat now / that’s the thing with anger / it begs to stick around”

“Saint Bernard 2” by Lincoln

“Lord make me a liar ‘cause I swore to god / when swearing still felt like the truth”

it’s my gut i can’t ignore (i’m hungry) | “Gone, I’m Gone” Eva Noblezada and the cast of Hadestown.

Also surprising I haven’t used more broadway lyrics, but here we are. My absolute favorite musical which, in part, is about hunger driving you to do desperate things. This piece was so largely focused on food insecurity for me. Every chapter revolves around food to some degree, and even the metaphors and similes Angel uses to describe the world around them are tied to food. It’s something that those of us who grew up with food insecurity can relate to; when you’re hungry, everything reminds you of food. When you live hungry, it consumes your every thought. When Noblezada as Eurydice delivers the line “it’s my gut I can’t ignore / Orpheus, I’m hungry,” you can hear it in her voice. It’s worth a listen for that line alone.

“Abbey” Mitski

“I am hungry / I have been hungry / I was born hungry / what do I need”

“Class of 2013- Audiotree Live Version” Mitski

“Mom / will you wash my back this once / and then we can forget / and I’ll leave what I’m chasing / for the other girls to pursue”

as long as you’re with me (you’ll be just fine) | “Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby” Cigarettes After Sex

This whole song has excellent David vibes. The protectiveness, the quiet possession. He’s a soft soul at heart, I think, and this song fits well. This collection is one of my faves just because we get to see many different sides of him and ways in which he can be protective, possessive. From quiet reassurance to acts of service to beating the shit out of people. As long as his pack is with him, he will keep them safe.

Recommended listening

“Cold Cold Man” Saint Motel

“Oh my love / I know I am a cold, cold man / quite slow to pay you compliments / or public displayed affections. / But baby, don’t you go over analyze / no need to theorize / I can put your doubts to rest / You’re the only one worth seeing”

there is a light (i feel it in me) | “Abbey” Mitski

Already tied to this series, this Mitski song is just perfect. An exploration of how trauma can effect us in ugly ways, this piece pairs perfectly with Mitski’s music. This song explores the deep hunger within the singer, countered by the lightness she feels within herself. Angel, in this piece, is haunted by their hunger and treats David poorly because of it. The light that he shows them helps them to reach for the light within themself. We love healing in this house!!!

See the recommended songs under it’s my gut i can’t ignore (i’m hungry).

the rest of you, the best of you (honey belongs to me) | “NFWMB” Hozier

Oh boy I could go on for ages about Hozier. His songs are on almost all of my Redacted playlists and so I listen to his work pretty much every time I write for Redacted. His lyricism and prose are evident in my work, I think. This piece, one of Angel’s first indications of how protective David is, fits so well with this song. Swinging wildly between protectiveness and possessiveness, David mirrors the song’s progression throughout the piece. I think “Belongs to me” is the operative part of this title.

Recommended listening

“You’re Mine” Phantogran

“(No one’s gonna love you) / (No one’s gonna touch you) / ‘cause you’re mine! / (No one’s gonna look at you)”

“Always Forever” Cults

“You and me, always forever / We could stay alone together / You and me, always forever / Say you’ll stay, never be severed”

i assume you’ll be coming for blood (that makes two of us) | “Venom” Little Simz

Alright so… for real… this piece should have been named “is it wickedness? is it weakness?” after the first (or last, depending on how you play it) track on Kendrick Lamar’s “Damn.” That entire album is a work of art, and it can be played cohesively forward or backward, each play telling a different story. Forward is Kendrick’s life as it is, and backward is how it might have gone had his father died when he was young.

In this story, the inciting incident for Sweetness to be so different from the Sweetheart that we know is their mother dying when they were young. I’m positing here that Sweetheart in the main universe still has their mom and that’s why they’re kinder.

Anyway. I stand by “Venom” being a banger. It’s themes don’t run as cohesively with this story as Damn.‘s do, but I can live with it. For now.

Recommended listening

“Damn. Collectors Addition.” By Kendrick Lamar.

Yes the entire album. This particular edition, too, since it is the “wicked” timeline.

“Love’s gonna get you killed / but pride’s gonna be the death of you”

“United in Grief” Kendrick Lamar

“Pray none of my enemies / hold me captive / I grieve different”

remembering again the full extent of what forever is | “Through Me (The Flood)” Hozier

More Hozier! We know I love him and the new stuff he’s put out for Unreal Unearth and all of it’s EP’s are changing me fundamentally as a person. Hozier’s work has always connected with me deeply, all the way back to when I was a repressed queer kid listening to “Take Me To Church.” Now, as he’s putting out this big push of music, I’m finding myself connecting with the core of his music again. This song, a song about surrendering to the impossibility and incomprehensible nature of love, is perfect for William and Alexis. Will’s love for Alexis isn’t healthy, and it doesn’t lead him to sound choices, but he feels he has no choice. So he surrenders to it.

Recommended listening

“Eat Your Young” Hozier

“It’s a kindness / highness / crumbs enough for everyone / old and young are welcome to the meal”

“My Love Is Sick” Madds Buckley

“You’re an infection / I am keeping / No matter the sepsis / you are staying / I’d rather the wound / Than have you removed / Enough rotting for two / Killing me, keeping me high”

the world (it burns through me) | “Through Me (The Flood)” Hozier

Oh boy two for one! I for sure snagged this from the same song as the last piece I posted too. Yada yada surrendering to love and all of that. Love is something that’s has happened to Darlin, not something they have taken an active part in. They take the opposite message from William in this song; they fight the current, don’t let the world take them under. They are a fighter, in the end.

Recommended listening

Arsonists Lullaby” Hozier

“All you have is your fire / and the place you need to reach / don’t you ever tame your demons / but always keep them on a leash.”

“Problems” Mother Mother

“I’ve found love in the strangest place / ties up and branded / locked in a cage”

and my body remains (but the person is gone) | “Divine Loser” Clem Turner

Asher’s main trauma response in this piece is dissociation, pulling away from himself and his body to protect himself. While “Divine Loser” isn’t necessarily about dissociation, there are a number of apt lyrics that tie in with Ash in this story.

Recommended Listening

“To Someone From a Warm Climate (Uiscefhuaraithe)” Hozier

“You’d shake for minutes there and move your legs / wrap the blanket over you and keep your head within / let your breath heat the air until you’d feel it getting thin / Uiscefhuaraithe.”

“Wait” Get Set Go

“Wait, wait for the dawn, my dear / wait til the sun gets here / and you will wait too long / he will be gone”

when i call, you come home (a bird in your teeth) | “I Know The End” Phoebe Bridgers

Ooohhh boy! I love this song. Phoebe does something to me y’all. This song is sad, which makes it an interesting choice for a, generally, happy ending fic. This piece, like most things I write about the pack in childhood, is tinged with a sad sort of nostalgia. It’s the knowledge that we as readers have that, whatever comfort and love David gets from Gabe is temporary. We know how this story ends. We know that Gabe will die. And so even these happy moments are seen through that lens. I Know The End.

Recommended listening

“That Funny Feeling” Bo Burnham

“That unapparent summer air in early fall / the quiet comprehending of the ending of it all / there it is again, that funny feeling / that funny feeling.”

“Black Eyed Dog” Nick Drake

“I’m growing old and I wanna go home / I’m growing old and I don’t wanna know / I’m growing old and I want to go home / Black eyed dog, he called at my door / The black eyed dog he called for more.”

[toomagazineperfection]

To my father

Cut all the amateurs off the tee.

Of his daughter alchemy.

Win his lover ministry.

Hiss the side, still reserved to me.

Drinking to the enchantment of the grudges.

Still reserved for his favorite girl.

Watch his girl part his favourite reality.

Donned stoned autobiography.

Of a father's girl. Lit for me.

Alchemy.

Dropped in his dead secrets.

Favorite pride.

See your debt moon.

Go loud side.

Of lover sides.

Suede lover manthems.

Shores of my sea, in his lie.

I hate lovers to watch him.

He is poorly ridden of us, in a decade of studying art in his despise.

Getting married in his lockdown and his pyre breakdown.

Pallets and broken alleys.

Of surfing lockdowns.

Seen to love me.

I hated you.

I loved him so.

Places made me love electric bodies feel for once.

Mechanic hearts on the notebook.

His heart makes him ear to ear.

Love him here.

Is this the story of love?

A love down. Heaving.

Brochettes off your clock.

My temper of your heart.

If he loved me left me caskets of cassle.

The dead of night, my singer's favorite fate.

Lead him go.

Kisses his time, reading his felt. Donning his.

I life, favourite lures of my favorite man.

First man to touch moon of me.

My boy and his favourite toy, my heart.

Miss me.

Once you fix me with your murderer eyes.

Play his favorite toy.

Avery wavery of decadent.

Debutante of my story pile.

Actor like his taste to loop holes of mine.

So lone, London.

Kept calm in jeopardized ties.

Stop trying to make my life talk.

How did they make manned father cry?

Tinted me in your court rooms and lire.

Stop seeing and I due died.

Sin off me.

Stand off my mirror curtains.

I, lay, fun.

Say I have met you last time in your lover songs.

Hectic, say dire.

Curt moons like blew me free.

Daughter of your life and she knew.

Give some to my face.

A heart of place.

A weathering height of his girl.

Surf long, long live.

Sick shelves. Too great to touch my tongue.

Fight my life. My sun.

A greater man wouldn't beg.

Do I have to bleak a prophecy?

A fulfilled love is a barren one.

Sinking watched me life on the longing moon.

Pace down all your swallowings.

Money and peace was never him.

Wolf in the school, never studying fate, made to wait, I.

Slowing hinges. Shapes of great.

Slowing down my arching time and sway away.

Who are you?

Please, slow me time.

Don't want money, let it want me, live him, prophecy.

Do I have to learn a leaking chest to be.

Him.

Daunt a lover moon.

Greater man wouldn't beg.

Him.

Struck by killers of the moon.

Endless February.

Lent by my unloved father.

Moving by nile.

When lovers know his name to be.

Back cropped into.

I want to want live like her.

First man lover, cheating on time. I loved you. Ruining my lie.

You touched me, I asked you.

I loved you.

Runnin' for time. Call again. Your name.

Never thought I would find him vile.

Singer in the noon, she wrote sins of afternoon.

Of a father, dead to her scar conviction.

Marring in my girl is her.

Band who is glittering, show us your love.

Seeks us like mowers of fate.

Life was too glad to know you.

I write you like God's ending.

I was greedy to just to lose you to my end.

Oh, father I died to know you.

Last winner.

First thing I ought to.

Sink my teeth too.

Last problem, I ought you.

First poem was the fallen star I loved you.

For you look up, I saw you.

It's me who was breaking your heart.

Dance upon me.

Her.

Last thing I wanted. Destitute prayers.

Tell you my truth.

Beauty over bane prayers.

Betty never woo.

Her.

People apart is my father.

Great whose tinge broomed a gloomer.

A sinking moon and dying of all.

Of a man.

People who are rose tinted gold and write loft rooms to watch from, for me.

You had stopped a tilted head, now.

You made whose great knew.

Whose scars were never beautiful to understand.

Addicted to your musing, accent father.

Looking in mirrors to see reflections of me, father.

If I loved gloom of my night and day of my lie.

I barely did any of the rue that day.

Forgive me, sin.

A gruesome heart.

Whatever's sin.

Due me back.

Day back.

After tastes of his table rights in me.

If the cool man knew.

Walk the keys.

A path mare by you is a path for me.

Is a door for me?

Watch your back, said you. With hovering eyes.

So destined. To be poet.

Him.

Sunidhi

[hisunshiine]

To All The Men I’ve Fucked Before ; (M) jjk

↣ When your secret 'sex' journal entries are somehow texted to the people they were written about, including a couple of coworkers and your best friend, you find your quiet work existence turned upside down. based off of TATBILB.

moodboards | playlist | Netflix ReImagined BTS Masterlist | TATMIFB masterlist 

↳ #NetflixReImaginedBTS: Jeon Jungkook x Reader starring in a fake dating au, photographer!JK, stylist!Reader

⟢ pairing: photographer!jungkook x stylist!reader

⟢ word count: 30.7k

⟢ genre + warnings: nsfw 18+, fake relationship, smluff © & angst, kissing, fluffy fake relationship cuteness, jealousy, jungkook needs help with feelings, clothed humping, explicit sexual content in the form of unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, body worship, cunnilingus, fingering, handjob, hickies, blowjob, creampie, begging, strip tease if you squint, baby petname, crying, feelings of heartbreak, oh did i mention angst? namkook fist fight, minimal arguing, minimal blood, other idols make brief appearances, OT7 is present 

⟢ summary: When your secret 'sex' journal entries are somehow texted to the people they were written about, including a couple of coworkers and your best friend, you find your quiet work existence turned upside down. based off of the netflix film and novel by jenny han, but different.

⟢ an: hello, hello! this is probably my favorite story to date that i’ve written and the longest one shot! I am so grateful to everyone who helped me by reading this (most are not on tumblr), but especially my baby hana, @taestulip​, who always reads and hypes me up. the movie/book series it’s based off of is honestly one of my faves, and turning it into an adult version was a lot of fun! I know i took out some characters and changed a lot of the plot devices, but for good reason, as it is it’s own novel, I did not want to encroach on that territory. fake dating au’s are some of my absolute faves and so i hope you enjoy this! sorry for the length, sksksks.

⟢ prologues: NJ & Reader | Love Triangle (coming soon) |

The large glass building was located on the corner of the block, in the heart of the city. A sight to see from all corners of the downtown area, you loved that you worked at BigHit Music. Of course, housing the globally recognized idol duo, SeoulM8, made working there fun. You walked into the building, and swiped your badge as you made your way through the secured entrance and up the elevator to your office. 

The gold plaque on your door highlighted your name and position. To this day you’re still in awe to see your name engraved in sans serif with the words “Lead Wardrobe Stylist” written beneath it. You entered the office, flipping on the lights and smiling at the large board along the back wall. It was covered with the designs you would need for the upcoming shoot for SeoulM8’s fan content, first single off their newest album, and plans for the concert wardrobe as well. 

Placing your empty insulated coffee tumbler on your desk, you set down all of your belongings, organizing your design tablet, notebook, and favorite writing utensils before once again taking the tumbler in hand. A cup of coffee would be perfect to start your busy Monday before your meeting with Jimin and Taehyung about their wardrobe later today. 

Walking into the employee lounge area, you set about making your coffee. Others walked in and out, dropping off packed lunches and grabbing coffee as well, so you can’t help but hear the gossip as two of the women who work with SeoulM8 discuss the latest office drama.

“I can’t believe it. She broke up with him!” Becca said, her colorful pixie cut swaying slightly as she shook her head.

“She’s crazy, Jungkook is gorgeous; have you seen his thighs?” Theresa responded, twirling her dark purple curls in wonder.

You stirred in the caramel creamer slowly, listening to their conversation. Jeon Jungkook and Jeon Somin (no relation) had been dating for almost as long as you could remember. It was surprising to hear that they were broken up. 

“Somin is really pretty too, though, she could have any guy… What if that’s what it was?”

“You think someone better than Jungkook came along and wooed her?”

“I mean… I swore I heard a rumor that she went out on a date with one of the actors, but who knows. All we know for sure is that Jungkook is single.” 

Finishing your coffee, you closed the lid to your favorite cup and left the room, smiling politely to Becca and Theresa who provided you with the information that had your head reeling. The entire walk back to your office, and even once you were seated at the desk, you couldn’t stop thinking about Jungkook and Somin.

Somin was one of the first friends you made at BigHit School for Music and Artists when you transferred in after completing your AA requirements at another university. BHSMA operated differently than traditional universities, converting students to employees at the company associated with the school. It was where you met Jungkook, Jimin, and a few other people that you worked closely with at the company. After that first year though, you grew apart from some of the people you spent that entire first year with, making new friends, like the one walking in through your office door.

So lost in thoughts of the past, you almost knocked over your perfectly made coffee onto your design tablet, where you had been sketching aimlessly. A dimpled smile was the cause of your quickly beating heart, complimenting the face of Namjoon, who startled you when he called your name loudly.

“Joon, I swear, one day, you will be the death of me, and my electronics.”

“Listen, you dropped your phone all on your own, no one told you to be scared when I walked into the room.”

“Stop being so fucking loud when you enter, you startle people!”

He just laughed, his pretty eyes disappearing as he expelled joy. Namjoon was glowing, his tanned skin looking healthy and youthful. You couldn’t help but smile at him as he pushed his falling platinum hair out of his dark eyes and set his gaze on you.

“I think I’m gonna do it today, Y/N.”

You froze, smile still on display, but a little less enthusiastic than when he had first walked in.

“Do it?” You asked, wary as you saw his hand drift to his inside coat pocket.

“I love her, Y/N. I think I’m gonna ask her to be mine, always.” Namjoon removed a small velvet box from his pocket and you reached for it, hand trembling slightly. Namjoon, in his excitement, was oblivious to the way you shook, as well as the sound of your heart splintering. “Do you think Jennie will like it?”

Looking at the ring tucked into the box, you nodded, not trusting your voice. Of course Jennie would. It was beautiful. A rose gold band with an opulent Moonstone set in the middle, and two smaller diamonds set on either side. You knew that the moonstone was Joon’s favorite, he talked about how much he loved the moon countless late nights that you would sit with him in his studio.

“It’s gorgeous, Namjoon.” You said quietly. This time, he noticed the tremble of your voice, and stood worriedly from where he was perched on the corner of your desk.

“Whoa, what’s wrong?” He asked you, concerned by your demeanor.

“Nothing, I’m just so happy for you.” You lied, tilting your head back to blink away the forming tears. Believing you, he enveloped you into a hug and you hugged him back tightly, afraid to let go.

“Ah, you have a meeting soon and I’m here making you cry… I’ll see you after and tell you how it went! Good luck, Y/N!”

Namjoon exited your office, footsteps light as he headed towards his future… and away from you. Sinking into your chair, you take several steadying breaths in order to settle your heart. Why did it hurt so much? You had given up on the idea of you and Namjoon a long time ago. This wasn’t what you expected to have to deal with when you arrived to work, but you were a professional. Wiping your smudged eyeliner to clean up your makeup, you looked down at your design tablet, where you see the sketch of a professional camera held by a large hand up to a large doe eye half finished on your screen. 

Hitting the “new” button, you begin to draw anew on a clean canvas creating the concept for the concert design for your meeting with SeoulM8 later on.

—

Sitting at home, you massaged the soles of your feet as you rested on your couch with your younger sister, Yuna, who was doing her homework at the coffee table. It had been a long day, but Jimin and Taehyung loved your idea for their concert concept: young guys traveling Seoul for group songs, and angelic, soft individual images of them with feathered outfits to match their solo songs. 

“Yuna… Namjoon is getting engaged today.”

Your sister stopped working, turning to look at you with eyes wide. She had been diligently studying for the cosmetology courses she was taking at your alma mater in hopes of getting hired at the same company as you. This news threw her off track.

“What? He—wait, what?”

You nodded, letting out a deep sigh as you turned towards the floor to ceiling windows in the living room. Rain was steadily falling, the perfect backdrop to your mood.

“Both of our dreams are shattered. He showed me the ring and said he was proposing today. To Jennie.”

Yuna flung herself onto the couch dramatically. 

“Can we please drink to drown our sorrows? This homework can wait.” 

You nodded, turning on Netflix before getting up to grab the wine and glasses. While you stood on tiptoe at the edge of the counter, reaching up into the tall cabinet for the long stemmed glasses, the doorbell to your apartment rang.

“I’ll get it!” Yuna yelled, and so you clambered onto the counter, knees digging into the marble as you finally managed to reach your goal. 

“Oh! Namjoon?”

You almost slipped from where you were perched, confused as to why your newly engaged best friend would be loudly squelching his tennis shoes into your apartment and not ravishing his fiancee. You expected a text or call about the engagement, not a personally delivered update. 

You wouldn’t be able to pretend this time. 

Turning to look at the entryway, you see a downtrodden and sopping wet Namjoon, eyes rimmed red from crying.

“Joonie?” Your voice was soft, questioning. He maneuvered across the kitchen with just three big steps and pulled you into his arms. His body slotted between your thighs where you sat on the counter after almost falling, and he let loose a sob that broke your heart even more than earlier.

“Joon, what happened?” You asked, scared.

“J-Jennie… she said no.” Your eyes widened in shock, but you waited patiently for him to continue. “She’s moving to Japan, she took that expansion position… She broke up with me.”

—

It was a long night to say the least. 2 wine glasses turned into 3 once Namjoon had shown up. You grabbed some of his spare clothes for him to change into, threw his stuff in the washer, and joined Yuna and him back in the living room where they had both curled up and began watching The Start Up on Netflix. 

Climbing onto the couch, you wrapped your arm around him and placed your head on his shoulder. He kissed your forehead before settling in to watch TV, and you couldn’t help the way your heart reacted to it. He had always been affectionate with you during your time as best friends, though it had lessened some the more serious he and Jennie became. The difference now was that this time, he was single. A part of you hoped it could mean more in the future. 

By episode 2, Namjoon was asleep on Yuna’s shoulder; no surprise considering how tired he must have been. He had cried on his way to your apartment, and the last of his tears onto your shirt when he arrived. Luckily, you hadn’t yet changed out of your own work clothes, so when you grabbed his garments, you took the opportunity to change into a spaghetti strap tank and sweatpants for couch cuddling. You turned off the TV as you untangled yourself from him, stretching as he roused slightly from your movements. 

“Don’t you two just look like the sweetest couple,” you say yawning, gently teasing your sister who was beet red from your words. Her crush on Namjoon was nothing new, but not something she wanted him to know about. She already knew she was too young for him; seen as nothing more than his best friend’s little sister. A part of Yuna was jealous that you had better chances with him than she did.

“Shut it!” Her whisper is harsh, but Namjoon slept on, unaware of the sisterly teasing. “I already know you’re gonna write all about this in your sex book!” 

You rolled your eyes, having forgotten about your old journal that you kept. You just shrugged, leaning down to gently wake Namjoon so you can put him to bed.

“Come on sleepy… Let’s get up and go to bed okay?” 

His large frame shuffled across the living room and down the hallway to your room. You heard him plop heavily on your bed, probably already asleep without having pulled back the covers. You put the empty wine glasses into the sink and straightened up the living room a tiny bit before you went to your room as well. 

Not yet ready for bed, you sat at your desk with the small lamp on, staring at the old journal your sister reminded you about. The image on the front is faded; you can barely make out what it used to be as you’ve covered it with doodles and stickers that are peeling at the edges. Opening it, you turned through the pages, taking in the lengthy entries about the boys you’ve slept with, starting with the one you lost your virginity to. 

Your finger grazed across the fancy calligraphy where you wrote his name at the top in a purple gel pen in. Jeon Jungkook. You laughed at the way you wrote about him, first describing him as a person before giving the intimate details of the experience, and finally ending it with a brief message of what you had wanted to say to him. Your eyes scanned the page, certain sentences catching your attention as you read it. 

“...and the way he held my neck when he first entered me, I think I’m in love.”

“He said it was his first time too. Does this mean something?”

“Jungkook, having you as my first… I want you to be my last. You looked at me as if the galaxies were reflected in my eyes. I want to feel the way you make me feel all the time. I hope that this does change things between us, but in a good way.”

You cringe a little, remembering how it didn’t turn out that way. Instead, after that night 5 years ago, you didn’t talk to Jungkook for a couple of days due to exam week. You texted him after your last test and he told you to come over; he wanted to talk to you about something too. But when you went to his dorm to see him and confess, you found him with Somin, your best friend at the time. They weren’t doing anything outrageous, just sitting on his twin bed in his dorm room talking, but you heard what she was saying through the door that was cracked.

Somin was confessing. You had no idea that she liked him too. It made your heart tight knowing that he had slept with you a week prior, and now your best friend was confessing to him. To be fair, neither of you had told the other about your feelings towards him. So instead of walking in and telling him how you felt, you left. He had texted you later asking what happened to you coming over but you lied, saying you had gotten busy. 

On the last day of the semester, Somin shared that she was dating Jungkook. Shocked and heartbroken, you wasted no time packing up your dorm for the summer and traveling home. Phone calls, texts, and plans to meetup became less frequent between your group of friends over the following semester until they eventually stopped. Did you stop talking to Jungkook and Somin… or was it them that stopped talking to you? 

Turning the pages, you move on from the thoughts of the photographer and stop at the next blank page. Grabbing a blue gel pen from the cup on your desk, you write with flair. 

Kim Namjoon.

How do I even begin to express how I feel about you? God, you make my heart flutter. I met you at a time when I needed someone. You were the bane of my existence at first, blasting your loud music from the apartment under mine. Going to yell at you turned out to be the best thing. You turned out to be the best thing. Of course, you had just started going out on dates with Jennie and you would be graduating a year ahead of me, but I knew that we would stay best friends. I mean, most BHSMA students intern at and get hired by the company. So for the longest time, I hid my feelings from you. That one night, before you and Jennie were exclusive… when we had sex, I thought my heart would burst. I never wanted a man so badly before that night. You are the moon in my sky, Kim Namjoon. What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore? What other being could wrap me in love from beginning to end? Tonight you have just lost your moon. I am a terrible person because a part of me is happy to not be losing her moon. So now, I will climb into bed next to your sleeping body and hold you close as we sleep, and pray when the morning comes, in the light of the day, you will open your eyes and see me—the faint moon in the sky that has always been there for you. Maybe you will finally see me—and decide you want me too.

Setting the pen down, you reach for your phone. In your slightly drunken state, you decided to take pictures of each entry, in order to move these to a more secure environment and take your journal digital. You snapped a picture of each page (not that there were many) before you checked your phone for messages and plugged it in. You left your room to shut down all the lights now that Yuna was finished putting away her stuff and making her way to bed as well. 

“Hey, can I grab an extra notebook from your stash? I need to finish taking these notes on mixing hair colors.”

“Sure, it’s under the desk in the blue bin.”

She nodded and you continued past her, double checking the door to make sure it was locked before moving to throw Namjoon’s clothes into the dryer. Once satisfied that the house was in order, you went to your room. Yuna was standing over your desk, eyes reading your latest entry into the journal.

“Yuna! Get out!”

“This is beautiful though, he should see it. You need to tell him how you feel!” 

You shook your head.

“No. He just got his heart broken. It’s not the time to tell him.”

“You’re stubborn,” she whispered back at you, “you’re gonna lose him again!”

“Then that’s how it was destined to be. But I am not taking advantage of his vulnerable state.”

“You’re gonna be single forever. Spending every night with your baby sister, drinking wine because all the men you have ever loved have moved on!”

“Go to bed, Yuna!”

She shrugged as she walked out of the room, knowing that she was right. Deep down, a part of you felt like she was right too. 

Climbing into bed, you struggled to lift the covers over Namjoon’s slumbering frame before it pulled free and you could cover the two of you. As you settled into the bed next to him, he instinctively wrapped his arm around you, pulling you to his chest in his sleep. 

You knew that his dreams were imagining Jennie in his arms instead. 

—

That next morning, you checked Namjoon’s phone for his calendar. Having known him for several years, you know his passcode and that he keeps his work schedule exclusively on his cell. Typing in the code, 0613, you saw that his calendar stated that he didn’t need to go to the office until around noon. 

Lucky, you thought, eyeing the time on the phone. It was a little past 6:45am, and you had to wake your sister for her hands-on class before you got ready for the day. 

“Yuna! It’s almost 7,” you say as you knocked on her door and heard a muffled response. You headed back to your room and chose your outfit, knowing that the day would be busy and long with the concept photoshoot for SeoulM8 starting today. Choosing your outfit wisely, you climbed into the shower a few minutes later and spent at least a half hour just trying to cure the small hangover from the wine. 

Once dressed, you found Yuna packing her bag for class. It was getting close to 8, which is the latest that you could leave to be at work on time, so you wrote a quick note to Namjoon and ran back to leave it on the bed. His hand snaked out of the covers just as you were pulling your hand back, a gentle grip to your wrist holding you there.

“Y/N, thank you for last night.” His voice is like a bullfrog’s croak, and you chuckled. 

“Let me get you some water and some pain meds, okay? And of course Joonie, I’m here for you.” You leaned onto the bed with one knee, smoothing his hair back from his face once he’s released your wrist. “Always.”

Pressing your lips to his warm forehead, he pulled you down onto the bed with a hug and you can’t help but laugh.

“I’ve got to go! I’ll see you later, okay?” He nodded before he grips your neck, bringing his lips to your forehead this time. His lips linger longer than usual, and you shut your eyes at the tenderness of his kiss. 

“Go back to sleep, now.” You pulled away from him, going to grab the medicine and water before you and Yuna leave the apartment. 

—

You made it to work with extra time to make your coffee, so after you dropped off all of your extra stuff, you grabbed your tumbler and work tablet with all of your drawn designs for today’s shoot and made your way through the busy halls to the employee lounge. Today, the door was propped open for ease as it was a busier day in the building. 

You stood at the counter, stirring in the caramel creamer that you loved, when you felt a presence enter the room behind you.

“Y/N.”

Turning lazily, you cocked your eyebrow at Jungkook, who was standing awkwardly behind you. He had kicked the doorstop, allowing the door to close so that the two of you stood alone in the small staff kitchen. His hands were tucked into his joggers, while a white button down hung loosely from his frame. 

“Whats up JK?” You asked, expecting him to address something about the shoot. You hadn’t yet seen the men you were to dress, so you couldn’t fathom he was here to complain already about the costuming. “If it’s about the wardrobe, I haven’t even seen Tae or Jimin yet, so—”

“Actually, no. Um,” he rubbed the back of his neck before making eye contact with you, “I know that when we had sex that one time, it was great—”

Instantly, alarm bells went off in your head. What the actual fuck was Jungkook doing talking about the night you lost your virginity to each other?

“—but I just... don’t feel the same way that you do about me. You know? That was years ago, and yeah while it was just as good for me as it was for you, I’m not in love with you or anything, I just broke up with Somin too, so—”

“Jungkook! Wait—what are you talking about?”

“The text you sent me.”

“Jungkook, I haven’t texted you in weeks.” You looked down at the phone you had pulled out of the back pocket of your ripped black jeans, and opened up the messages. You noticed his text thread was now at the top. “Wait, what?”

Opening his specific thread you see the screenshot of the page from your journal that you took last night, sent to him. How the fuck did this happen? In your drunken state, did you send it to him? You begin to ramble as you throw the spoon in the sink with a loud clunk and begin screwing the lid on the coffee.

“Jungkook, stop. That was from a long time ago, it’s not recent at all, oh my god. I am so sorry you had to read that—you know what, I’m just gonna head to the set now. Okay, bye!” You breezed past him, feet carrying you out of the employee lounge with a swiftness. Once back in your office you stared at the horrid message, outraged at yourself for your drunken antics.

Drunk you must really hate sober you.

—

Work was just as hectic as you thought it was going to be. After the most embarrassing morning, you were summoned right away to a last minute meeting with Jimin and Tae, where you made minor changes to their wardrobe. 

“Y/N, you were always good at this in school, but damn. You are amazing now.” Jimin stared at you reflected in the mirror after you had turned his outfit into something fit for the concept with a few movements of the material that wrapped his body. Park Jimin, one of the few people you were still somewhat close with from that first year of school, was now a big shot idol, and one-half of SeoulM8. Kim Taehyung, his best friend, was the other part of the duo. He had met him after everyone split off after that first year. Going by the stage names Jimin and V, the two had met in their vocal lesson classes when Taehyung had switched his major, and BigHit saw potential in them. 

You walked with Jimin towards the set of the photo shoot, one of the bigger production rooms today due to the use of the second level. They would be posing next to a hole in the floor, feathers falling around them. Taehyung was already antsy to get started, and was playing around with Somin, who was one of the group’s managers, while he waited for Jimin to arrive back to the set. Now, it looked like the only person missing was the photographer. 

Walking to the fold out table set up at the back wall, you heard your phone chime. Opening to your messages, you saw a text from someone you hadn’t talked to in a while. 

“Seo Joon?” You question quietly to yourself, but before you could even read the message, you saw a similarly embarrassing photo above his reply.

“Oh God, oh God...” You clicked out of his message thread, ignoring the reply because you honestly didn’t care. What you actually cared about was if you had somehow sent the most recent entry of your journal to the last person on Earth who was ready to read it. Namjoon.

���Fuck. Oh no. Oh no.” Sitting there, you saw the message clear as day with the small read receipt that it indeed had been read by him. The door to the set opened and Jungkook came waltzing through with his assistant. Before the door had a chance to swing closed all the way, you saw Namjoon’s form enter the room. 

“Alright, let’s get started!” Jungkook’s voice was loud and called everyone’s attention except for Namjoon. His eyes were on you. He beelined your way, and you readied yourself to apologize to him, but before either of you could say anything, Jungkook interrupted.

“Hey Joon, good to see you hyung! I’m so sorry though, we got a closed set and need to get started… tight time schedule and all.”

“I just need to talk to Y/N.”

Jungkook took in Namjoon’s demeanor; eyes red, hair disheveled, voice wobbly. It was so unlike Namjoon to look this way that Jungkook looked at you before speaking. Your expression was confusing to Jungkook, as he knew Namjoon was your best friend. Your eyes were wide in fear with tears forming… when you didn’t say a word, Jungkook took charge. A part of him saw that fear in your eyes and wanted to protect you.

“Look Joon-hyung, normally I wouldn’t mind, but we need Y/N on set the entire time today. Wardrobe is important for concept photos, you can understand right? Maybe at break time or something?”

Namjoon nodded as Jungkook’s arm wrapped around your waist and he led you away from the table and back towards where the staging was set. When you finally chanced a look back, you saw the assistants leading Namjoon and a few other non-essential workers out of the room. Everyone else on set had watched the exchange between the three of you, including Somin. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the way Jungkook’s fingers curled around your frame.

At break time, you hid out, avoiding Namjoon who had, reluctantly, waited several hours until break was called. He would have to go into the studio soon, which you knew since you saw his calendar, and after the short 30 minute break, Jungkook retrieved you from the small side room you were hiding in when they resumed the next set of shots using black leather and wings. 

The shoot kept your thoughts off of the incident, as you so aptly decided to call it in your head, until it was time to leave. You walked out with a large group, stealthily making it to your office. You sat on the floor with your back to the door, reviewing how many received these drunken messages of yours, happy to see that only 3 actually went through, since most of them were no longer in your phone anymore or had changed their numbers. 

Park Seo Joon, an ex from your second year at BHSMA, had moved to Japan for work, and while he did respond, he figured it was a mistake and as the smart person he was, he noticed the date in the corner and was aware that it was old. You breathed a sigh of relief, glad to have avoided that potentially awkward scenario.

Hearing your phone ping, you checked the message and saw it was Jungkook. A series of messages came in from him, and you read them in succession.

Shaking your head, you stand, grabbing the white outfits from the rack an assistant had brought in earlier after the set change. Throwing them over your arm, you head off to the set in a rush, shooting back a quick text to let him know you were coming.

Most everyone from earlier was back on set, expressions showcasing various stages of irritation. You handed the clothing to an unusually quiet Somin, and lifted your now free arm to wave at the artists. Somin walked away, throwing quiet looks over at you and Jungkook, who you were standing near now that you had approached the table. Jungkook was leaning on that same table, arms crossed as he reviewed the printout of what was needed.

“You know they sent us an updated list 2 hours after we started shooting? While we were all here, they thought that we could somehow read their minds. Then when I uploaded and sent the file over to have them double check, they responded that we had to finish it tonight.”

“It’s annoying for sure, JK, but you know Jimin and Tae will deliver. Once they’re dressed I bet we’ll be done in like 15 minutes, max.”

He nodded, smiling at your optimism.

“Hey, are you gonna tell me what earlier was about? With Namjoon hyung?”

You froze, not expecting the question, but you were saved from having to answer right then, since Namjoon walked in at that moment. It was too late for you to go anywhere; you were standing too close to the door, trapped between the table and Namjoon, who looked hurt. Jungkook read the situation and took several steps away to give you some privacy with Namjoon. 

“You’ve been avoiding me all day. After that message—did you think that I wouldn’t read it? I just broke up with Jennie, Y/N, it’s… I’m not… You can’t just say this shit to me right now.”

“Namjoon—I didn’t mean to, I was drunk and I promise you it’s not what you think, I don’t feel that way, okay?” You try and take it all back, wishing more than anything that he hadn’t read what you had written the previous night. 

“You don’t feel that way? Are you kidding me? I read it!”

“No, I don’t feel that way, okay? I’m with someone else.” You lied. You hoped that he would buy it.

“Y/N, I’m your best friend. Don’t you think I would know?”

“Yeah, you're my best friend, but you and Jennie are always together, it’s been forever since we actually caught up, so yes, it’s recent okay?”

“Who are you dating then?”

You say the first name that popped into your head. The person closest to you.

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“I don’t believe it.” His words come out harsh, and a part of you, the part that already feels like shit because Namjoon chose to be with Jennie a couple of years ago, lashes out in hurt.

“Why? Cause someone like him could never date someone like me?”

“Yes, Y/N. You guys are too different!” His voice was getting louder, and you knew that you had to do something in order to get him to believe your lie. So you do the only thing you can think of in your heated state. You take the several steps needed to cross the space between you and Jungkook, who looked up from where he was absorbed into his phone. 

“You ready?” he asked, looking down at your small frame. 

“Yeah baby, I’m ready.” Your hand snaked behind his head, and firmly grasping his neck, you leaned up on tiptoes as you pulled his mouth toward yours. You kissed him, and in his surprise, his free hands gripped your waist and he pulled you closer to him, before you were separating from him, slightly breathless. His grip tightened before it rested gently on your hip and you settled back onto your heels. 

You see the back of Namjoon’s coat trail behind him as he disappeared out the doors, pulling them shut loudly behind him.

You look back up at Jungkook, whose fingers squeeze your sides quickly to grab your attention.

“You’re definitely gonna have to explain after that kiss... baby.” 

—

Later that evening, you sat with Jungkook in his car. A black Mercedes Benz GT63S to be exact, with dark grey leather and a small bit of wood grain along the spacious dashboard. Your fingers trailed along the wood grain as you explained to Jungkook what happened, starting with the accidental drunk text messages, leading up to the reason behind your kiss. 

“So now what?” Jungkook asks, looking sideways over at you.

“I don’t know. I feel so stupid.”

“Look, Y/N… I think this could be mutually beneficial.”

You meet his eyes, a look of incredulity across your face.

“Please explain Jeon.”

“Look, earlier when I stepped in and kicked hyung off set, Somin was already eyeing the way we were behaving. She may or may not have texted me about it. Of course, I told her we were broken up, so she didn’t need to concern herself with my business. And then, when we came back to set, she made a face when they asked me to text you to come back too.” He smirked.

“I may or may not have peeped it, and may or may not have used it to my advantage. Of course, you kissing me definitely helped.” He glanced down at his phone as it lit up. Once again a message from Somin tiled above 17 other messages from her. He had been actively ignoring them while the two of you talked.

“So I say that we date.”

“We what?”

“Date. I can teach Somin a lesson about how to treat me and you can keep hyung off your back.”

“Teach Somin? I thought she broke up with you?”

“It was mutual. But this always happens. And I for one am tired of the back and forth. So this can teach her that other people want me, and I can move on, or she can stop with the drama and we stop breaking up every other week.”

You nodded. It sounded like a feasible plan, and you told him as much.

“So it’s agreed. We’re now together.”

“Not so fast, Jeon… I think we should have a backstory, get some things straight, set some rules.”

“Rules, Y/N? You sure know how to take the fun out of it.”

You rolled your eyes.

“When did we start dating?” you asked, ignoring his snide comment.

“We got together… at the beginning of the week. Somin and I broke up 2 weeks ago, though we didn’t make it public because she always does this shit...” he trailed off, before smiling back at you. “So yeah, let’s say we’ve been talking here and there everytime me and Somin would break up, and then we went on a couple dates during that first week we broke up and made it exclusive this week.”

You commit this to memory, then pull out your tablet and begin jotting it down with the stylus.

“Okay, so this is new, but we’ve been on each other’s radar for a bit. I think that’s believable, especially since we’ve known each other just as long as you and Somin have. How do you plan to make her jealous? It has to seem real, you know?”

“Trust me, she already thinks this is real,” he nods to his phone again, now at 28 unread messages from Somin, “so I think something that we can do is start arriving together. Maybe do little things for each other that are cute coupley things, be seen together. Kiss at work. Maybe I can sleep over a few nights or you at mine?” He winks at you.

“I thought you didn’t see me that way, Jeon.” You looked down at the tablet, furiously scribbling what he said in order to avoid looking at him and showing the way he caused your cheeks to warm.

“I said I wasn’t in love with you, babe, not that I wasn’t interested in sleeping with you again.”

“Yeah, well that’s off the table Jeon. This isn’t real.”

He just wagged his eyebrows at you seductively, but you laughed and moved on from it, reviewing the list you wrote out.

You made sure to underline number seven so he could see it easily. 

“And when does this end?” You asked.

“Um, I don’t know. I guess we just play it by ear. Let it be natural. Obviously not too early or too late, and it should be mutual. I mean, if Somin learns her lesson, we would obviously have to end things, but I don’t see that happening sooner than a month.”

“Okay,” you tilt your head, thoughtfully, “So we can re-examine this in like a month then.”

“So is this like a contract or what?” he jokes. “Want me to sign it?”

“Sure,” you say, playing along and offering him the stylus. He took it from your hand and signed his signature, and then handed you back the pen, gesturing for you to sign as well. You followed suit, a quiet chuckle as you saved the page to your tablet’s files.

“Wanna drive me home, boyfriend?”

—

Dating Jungkook was… interesting, to say the least. You were a little surprised when he texted you the next morning asking what your coffee order was, and you weren’t expecting him to be so punctual when he pulled up to your apartment. But as you and Yuna exited the apartment that morning, he was already parked at the curb, music a little too loud for the early morning transit, but you were thankful nonetheless. 

“Why are you taking us?” Yuna asked in her very blunt manner. She, of course, had heard of Jungkook, more so due to your falling out with Somin, but Jungkook took her question in stride.

“Because I’m dating your sister.” 

He handed you an iced caramel latte with a soft smile that you couldn’t help but return. Jungkook looked stunningly handsome, hair floofed to your desired preference and an all black outfit to match. His pants were the perfect fit to his well-toned body and the black bomber jacket gave him a bad boy edge that was softened by his doe eyes.

Yuna coughed, choking on her strawberry flavored poptart as you turned to look out the window. Yuna, seated behind you, hit the back of your seat.

“You’re dating him? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I wanted to be sure it was going to work out this time… He and his ex used to be on and off a lot and I didn’t want to tell you if they got back together.” You answer, mixing the truth into it.

“Ohhhh, I see. You a player Jeon? Gonna break my sister’s heart?” Yuna eyed him, pupils narrowed as they stared at him. 

He cleared his throat, not expecting to have to defend himself against the small pitbull in the backseat.

“Not planning on it, Yuna.” Jungkook reached over and took your hand into his large one, interlocking your fingers before he kissed the back of your hand sweetly as he released the brakes and pulled off. 

Walking into the BigHit building, Jungkook held the door open for you before placing his hand in the back pocket of your black skinny jeans as you walked to the elevator. You wore a black knit sweater that fell slightly off the shoulder, and you knew it looked like you two had coordinated outfits. His other hand held the strap of the backpack he had slung over his shoulder while you clutched your coffee and your bag. 

You started to walk off towards your office once you made it to your floor, but Jungkook’s hand on your ass pulled you back towards him. He leaned down to your ear, whispering quietly.

“Where are you off too in such a hurry?”

“Um, my office… why?”

“Come with me to mine first, let me drop off my bag and I'll walk you back.”

“Oh-kay?” 

Letting his pocketed hand guide you, you fell in step with him down the hallway. You passed several other people, including Jin, an actor signed to the company who was known for his gossip, who nodded their hellos to Jungkook before ducking their heads together or reaching for their phones. It felt like high school all over again. Jungkook removed his hand from the warmth of your ass in order to open his office door, to which he then pulled you inside. Closing the door, he backed you into it rather loudly. The windows in the door are frosted, but you knew that pressed to it like this, anyone who looked could see your outline against it. 

Jungkook pushed his body into yours, lips following suit as his hands found purchase on your hips. He kissed you languidly, the mint from his toothpaste clashed with your coffee, though not unpleasant. You kissed him back, enjoying the feel of his soft pout as it glided to your neck. He wasted no time in latching on, suckling your neck for a few seconds before he pulled away with a loud smacking noise. 

“I must say, we put on quite the show this morning. My roommate was out there, and he will definitely have everyone talking about our PDA.” He grinned, eyes still glued to your neck. “Once that hickey sets in, it will really be the talk of the town.”

You blinked, finally coming back to your senses. Of course. This was all a part of the plan. Jungkook stepped away from you, moving to put away his belongings in his office. You stepped away from the door, looking around as you willed your body to cool down. That kiss had been quite an experience, and you yourself had gotten carried away with the plan. 

Turning on the spot, you notice all the different camera equipment lining the walls, the beautiful still photography of various buildings throughout the city, but the most surprising was a photo from the first year you had all met. The picture had you, Jungkook, Somin, Jimin, and a few other friends in it; smiles wide as you stood at the fairgrounds you attended, ferris wheel lighting up the sky behind you. You walked towards it, taking in how carefree you looked, arms wrapped around Jungkook’s waist and his arms thrown over your and Somin’s shoulders, who was making the peace sign with both hands at her eyes. Jimin was making a silly face, arm wrapped around Somin’s waist. Simpler times.

You moved on, turning to the small polaroid camera and you couldn’t help but grab it. Turning, you snapped a photo of Jungkook, who was caught off guard. You took the developing film from the camera and set it down on his desk as he smiled at you.

“Hmm, that’s a good idea. Let me take a few photos of you, I can place them around my office.”

You tried to reject his idea, but he takes the photos anyways, pinching your cheeks and tickling you until he gets what he wants. Finally, 6 clicks later, he stood next to you, facing the camera to the two of you before he said your name softly. You looked up at him, and he surprised you with a kiss. That 7th click captured a kiss, and he placed that one in the back of his phone case.

“You are such a… a lover, Jeon.” You say, pointing at his phone. He shrugged, ignoring your jab.

“It’s something Somin always wanted me to do… I never did though. So seeing this will piss her off.”

You nodded, understanding. Everything he did had a purpose for getting at Somin in some way, shape, or form. You chided yourself that you would do well to remember that. 

—

Lunch was a whole new ball game. Used to sitting with Namjoon and Jennie, or some of your assistants, you were now eating lunch with Jungkook, who ate in the employee cafeteria. You followed his request to meet him there and stood in the doorway lost until you heard his voice call out to you.

Noting his waving hand, you wove through the circular tables until you reached the one he was at with Jimin, Taehyung, Jin, and Yoongi, a producer friend that you knew through Namjoon.

All of the seats were taken, but before you could stand there looking out of place, Jungkook scooted his chair out and all but pulled you onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he nuzzled into your neck, breathing in your clean scented perfume and strawberry shampoo.

“Get a room, JK.” Yoongi said, face contorted with a mock look of disgust.

“What? She’s just so cute and warm.” His fingers drifted towards the hem of your sweater and disappeared up into the material, cold fingers pressed against the soft skin of your belly and you shivered with a giggle, pushing his ice box hands away.

“You’re cold as fuck, Jesus Jeon! Were you hanging out in a freezer?”

“You could say that...” Taehyung laughed while elbowing Jimin, and you raised an eyebrow at them, wanting in on the joke, too.

“He was reviewing pictures with us and our managers.” Jimin clarified, and you nodded. 

“I take it that Somin wasn’t very warm?” You asked, leaning more into Jungkook.

“Not at all,” Tae disclosed, “she was very icy, had a lot to say about our dear JK over here, didn’t she?”

“Nothing we haven't heard before.” Jimin answered, and the two laughed, but you didn’t find it all that funny. Hearing that Somin trash talked Jungkook to his friends while working didn’t sound like the kind of person anyone would want to date. 

“Well she can talk shit all she wants, she’s just mad he’s moved on.” You defended, and are surprised to hear a quiet ‘thank you’ just for your ears as Jungkook tightened his hold briefly.

“I really dislike that girl,” Jin said, “I for one will be glad to not see her trashy ass around the apartment anymore. You are a breath of fresh air, Y/N.”

You smile shyly at Jin, enjoying how well everyone seemed to have welcomed you into their group.

“So, Y/N, we were just talking about the party Yoongi was throwing. He and Hobi live together, and they’re throwing a small rager this weekend. You’re coming with JK, right?”

Oh, this was not something you were expecting. You hadn’t gone to a party with co-workers in a long time…

“Um—”

“Of course she’ll be there, she’s coming with me. Right, babe?” Jungkook’s doe eyes looked up at you and you couldn’t say no. It’s not like you had plans anyways. You nodded and smiled at him, and he leaned into you, lips seeking yours in a quick kiss. You feel your body react to it, like it had been doing since this started, and pulled back before he could turn it X-rated. 

“Okay, seriously you two, get a room.”

—

Standing in the mirror in your bedroom, you turned from side to side to take in your outfit. As a head wardrobe stylist, you had a pretty good sense of fashion, but liked to stick to basic pieces and blacks, dressing up your look with delicate jewelry or layered pieces. 

Tonight was no different. With the beginnings of winter creeping in, you wanted to be comfortable in the weather once the sun set. You had on black sheer leggings that disappeared into a cute black skirt with thin white lines that had a revealing thigh split. Your top was an asymmetrical design, having one long sleeve and turning into a bandeau style on the other side. You paired it with black velvet boots that had crisp white laces, then finished the look with a matching set of simple dangling skinny diamond earrings, bracelet, and necklace. 

Despite this thing with Jungkook being fake, you wanted him to still feel proud to showcase you on his arm at this party. People were already talking about the two of you, and tonight would fuel the gossip even more. You were nervous of course, knowing who typically attended these types of parties, but Jungkook had assured you that he would keep you safe tonight.

The polite knock on your bedroom door had you turn your head to the sound, a tossed “come in” over your shoulder to who you thought was Yuna, but revealed a very handsome looking Jungkook, who was in his typical all black attire. You stood there, body warming as you took in his height, broad shoulders, and long legs. 

“Wow.” 

His voice was low, but his eyes looked like they sparkled as he took you in. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Jeon,” you responded, reaching to grab your bag off of your bed.

Jungkook snapped out of the daze he was in and pulled his phone out of his pocket. 

“Let’s take a photo for the ‘gram.”

You nodded; for a second you thought he wanted to have a photo of you because you looked good. Posing in the mirror, he pulled you close by your waist and adjusted his phone to capture both of you in the frame. He took a few photos, switching poses slightly each time.

“Hey,” he said, gaining your attention. You turned to him, shocked when his lips met yours. You melt easily into the kiss, hearing the camera shutter click several times as you tangled tongues, his hand sliding from your waist to cup your butt and pull you closer. You were unable to stop the moan from his action, and when he pulled away, lips a bit fuller and pinker from kissing, he quirked his eyebrow at you, paired with his signature smirk.

“Y-You messed up my lip gloss,” you fake huffed, turning away from him to rummage through your bag to grab your gloss and reapply. Your attempt to avoid him from seeing the way he affected you didn’t go unnoticed, but Jungkook kept quiet on it.

“It was worth it, these pics are hot. Plus, you taste good. What flavor is that?”

“Strawberry,” you mumbled, still feeling the heat from the kiss warm your neck and face.

“Strawberry is slowly becoming my new favorite.”

—

Yoongi and Hobi knew how to throw a party. The music was playing at the perfect level that you could still hear people talking to you, a variety of alcoholic beverages were supplied in ample amounts, and several games were being held in various rooms of their home. 

Currently, you were seated on the couch with a few other women from the office. Unfortunately, one of them was Somin. Across the room, your ‘boyfriend’ was engaged in a game of beer pong against Taehyung and Jimin. They had challenged him solo, citing he was good at everything and didn’t need a partner. As you watched him toss the small ping pong balls into the same cup, you knew their concern was right. 

“Y/N, you and Jeon?” Seline, one of the girls seated next to you, asked suggestively.

“Yea,” you giggled, the cup of something or other making you a little... giggly.

“Color me a little surprised. He’s like, such a social butterfly, and you’re...” 

“Oh, Y/N used to be a social butterfly, but she thought she was too good for us back in college.” Somin piped up. 

Her statement caught you off guard. Somin was once your best friend, but when she started dating Jungkook, she had distanced herself from you, not the other way around. 

“I never thought that. Some people act differently once they start dating people though. I never changed.” You sat back with a huff, crossing your arms. She ruined the buzz the alcohol had given you. 

Seline leaned closer to you, interested to hear more. The other’s seated nearby also tuned in with interest.

“Oh, you knew them in college?” 

You nodded, and Somin got up and walked away from the couch, seemingly annoyed at the attention you were getting for being Jungkook’s new girl.

You told the brief backstory of your friendship, leaving out the obvious part of losing virginities and finding out your best friend confessed to Jungkook when you were on your way to do the same thing, but ending it on good terms, saying that it was just the process of naturally growing apart. 

Seline nodded, and you saw her eyes widen as she looked past you. Following her gaze, your eyes narrowed at the view. Somin was all over Jungkook. You weren’t exaggerating; both of her hands were holding on to him as if she was too drunk to maintain her balance. She was falling into his arms and he was holding her, one of his large hands pushing her hair back from her face and a look of concern etched upon his own. 

Two feelings hit you at once. Nausea at the sight of him looking so tenderly at her, simultaneous with a boiling fury of jealousy that it wasn’t you. 

“Looks like Somin wants him back.” Seline snickered towards the other girls, and you stood up abruptly. You made eye contact with Jimin, who’s eyes were unnaturally large as he registered the scene before him.

Jimin was relieved that Somin interrupted the end of the game so that he could escape before he had to drink more, but he also felt annoyed seeing her all over Jungkook. Jimin had been glad when Jungkook told him and Tae that he was done with Somin; even more glad when he heard that Jungkook started seeing you. 

Back in college, Jimin was the only person, other than you and Jungkook, who knew what happened between you two. Both of you had confided in him your actions and feelings for one another. Color him surprised when he found out that Jungkook was not dating you, but instead your best friend, Somin. He wasn’t sure what happened but soon after, you stopped being around as much and Somin was around all the time. 

Watching Somin pretend to be too drunk to function and fall all over Jungkook made Jimin purposefully search the room for you. Watching you stand, drink clutched in your hand, Jimin had a feeling something was about to happen.

The drink you were nursing was downed in its entirety within a single swallow. You were now several drinks in, and you were feeling the alcohol start to hit as you stood up fast. Pushing your shoulders back, you walked over towards your ‘boyfriend’, whose back was turned towards you, and slid your arm around his waist.

“Heyyy babe,” you leaned into his body, staking claim on Jungkook as you stared daggers at Somin. She had taken a few steps back when you had approached, but now, seeing the challenge in your eyes, she stepped closer once more.

“Ggukk-ah, I don’t feel so well...”

“Min,” Jungkook stepped out of your hold, hands moving to cup Somin’s face as she feigned weakness in her knees. The level of concern in his voice let you know exactly how he felt. You scoffed, not believing Jungkook would behave this way in front of everyone. He was the one who had came up with this idea for ‘mutual benefit’ and here he was fucking it all up.

“She’s fine, babe. She can handle her alcohol.” You felt yourself growing hotter, the alcohol actually having an effect on you, as it always had. Your increasing body temperature only made you more frustrated.

“Seriously Gguk, I’m getting so hot...” Somin reached for the hem of her shirt, and in one fell swoop she had exposed the lacey bra she wore underneath. You could hear people talking over the sound of the music, taking in the scene of a shirtless ex making a brazen show.

“Jungkook!” Your voice is no more than a harsh whisper, but he’s so scandalized at Somin’s action, the protective boyfriend in him coming out to aid in shielding her body from onlookers, he doesn’t hear you. 

You hate the sick feeling bubbling in your stomach, unsure if it's from watching your ‘man’ flirt with his half naked ex or if it’s from the alcohol not sitting right with you.

Throwing the scene one last look, you turned on your heels and headed off to the kitchen for a bottle of water, or perhaps, another cup of something stronger.

Walking past him and Taehyung, Jimin caught sight of the look on your face before you blew past on your way towards the kitchen and he knew he should warn his friend.

“Jungkook, hey.. Jungkook!” Jimin yelled, his voice louder the second time he called his name. 

Jungkook had been leaning towards Somin, hands cradling her face as he continued to speak quietly to her. When he looked up at Jimin, his face appeared slightly annoyed at the interruption as he was taking care of her.

“What, bro?”

“Um, your girlfriend? Y/N? She just went into the kitchen and she looked a little upset.” Jimin said, his face trying to communicate to Jungkook what it looked like that he was holding his ex that way and his new girlfriend had stormed off. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Jimin, can you?” Jungkook gestured his head towards the kitchen and Jimin thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

“How about I take Somin and you go find Y/N? Your girlfriend. Remember?”

Jungkook paused for a millisecond before depositing Somin into Jimin’s arms. He made his way to the kitchen, where he found you engaged in taking shots with Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jin, the latter of which was shit talking Somin with a smile. When you felt his presence enter the kitchen, you ignored him, gesturing for your now fourth shot in as many minutes.

Sensing the tension, Yoongi decided against more shots, instead leading Hobi and Jin out of the kitchen, much to Jin’s complaints of having to be around the ‘trashy tramp’. The three headed back to the party, a bottle tucked under Yoongi’s arm as Hobi carried the shot glasses out. 

“We were enjoying our new friend, JK. Stop keeping her to yourself,” Jin said with a drunken glare. 

Sighing audibly, you turned to walk out of the kitchen but Jungkook’s grasp on your wrist stopped you.

“Hey, why are you ignoring me like this?” He asked, confusion tinting his voice.

“Um, maybe because you’re supposed to be dating me and you were too busy with Somin to remember you even had a girlfriend.” You said back harshly, spitting the words at him with such vehemence you wobbled precariously on your heels.

“Come here.” Jungkook said, dragging you behind him through the bodies in the hallway until you had made it into one of the unoccupied back bedrooms. Shutting the door, he turned to you as he dragged his hand through his hair. The action only made him more handsome, tousled hair falling gently to frame his face.

“Look, it’s... complicated with Somin right now.”

“I get that you’re trying to teach her a lesson, see if you want to be with her or whatever, but not at my expense. You said mutually beneficial. Making me look like your second choice and embarrassing me does not benefit me.”

During your speech, you poked him in the chest several times, the alcohol starting to take its effect on you. Stumbling slightly, Jungkook caught you to steady you, keeping his hands on your waist. The warmness of his palms felt nice as he helped keep you balanced.

“You’re right, Y/N. I’m sorry. Like I said, it’s complicated. We dated for a long time. I still care for her. She’s... been making this difficult.”

“Oh? Difficult how? By faking being drunk so you can take care of her?”

“She’s a lightweight, that’s not fake,” he defended.

You were once close enough with Somin to know that she was not a lightweight, since she had been drinking at parties since she was 14; her earlier interaction was indeed, all an act.

“Whatever, Jungkook. So what is she doing that’s so difficult?” you asked, cutting him a look of narrowed eyes until he answered you.

He walked backwards, tugging you gently along until he was seated on the bed. You stood between his parted knees, waiting patiently for his answer. Realizing you weren’t going to drop it, he rubbed the back of his neck gingerly.

“She’s, you know.. She still texts me all the time, saying shit and sending pics and stuff. She says she wants me back, but I just,” he looked up at you, his doe eyes unable to hide his emotions.

“I don’t know if I believe it. I want to. But she’s hurt me, and I’m tired of it. I want her to feel how I felt.”

Your ire towards him faded as he opened up to you. Cupping his face gently, you leaned in and rubbed his nose with yours softly back and forth.

“You’re amazing Jungkook. Until tonight, you’ve treated me like a princess the entire week we’ve been dating. But she won’t learn if you give in. You’ve got me now, okay? When she texts you, text me instead. Don’t entertain her. She’ll think I’m not enough for you if you keep responding, and that doesn’t show her you can move on.”

You had sunk into him the whole time you talked to him, and he shifted your body so you were now straddled over his lap, head resting on his shoulder. You yawned sleepily, the loss of the anger leaving you feeling the tired effects of the alcohol. Unlike Somin, you were a lightweight, and 3 shots was over your limit.

As you got comfortable on Jungkook, he thought over what you said, smoothing your hair carefully.

“You’re right. You always were so smart in school... ” Jungkook said, and you nodded your head on his shoulder in agreement, humming an affirmative.

“Let’s get you home though, you’re halfway to passing out anyways.” Pulling out his phone, he ordered an Uber. He held you like that, your strawberry scent surrounding him until the Uber driver was outside. His hands gripping you under your thighs, he stood up and carried you out of the party, nodding bye to his friends and hosts of the party.

Placing you into the Uber, he climbed in after you and you curled into his lap, seeking his warmth in your drunken half-slumber. Jungkook chuckled, noticing the way his chest reacted to the action but ignored it. This was an arrangement, you seeking him out wasn’t real, and your anger earlier wasn’t jealousy, he told himself. You were worried about being embarrassed. He still loved and wanted to get back with Somin, right? 

As he looked down at you in his lap, enjoying the weight of you pressed against his body, he wasn’t so sure. 

“This the correct address, sir?” The Uber driver asked, verifying with Jungkook once he shut the SUV door.

“Yea, both of us are headed there.”

—

The weekend passed by fast. Waking up at Jungkook’s place Sunday morning had been a little shocking, but his bed was soft and clean, and smelled of him. You had snuggled deeper into the sheets until he woke you up to go get breakfast and get his car from Yoongi’s place. He detailed to you what had transpired to you being in his bed, expressed that he had not taken advantage of you, per rule number 7, plus the basic concept of consent, and promised to take you home as soon as Jin was awake and could take the two of you to go get his car. 

He gave you some clothes to change into, and while you weren’t surprised to find he had jeans to fit you, neither one of you asked or shared the obvious: they were Somin’s. At least the shirt he gave you was his, and you also stole a hoodie to wear. December may have only just started a week ago, but the cold was pervasive.

Breakfast with him was fun. Getting to know Jungkook again was just as exhilarating as it had been the first time, during that first year at BHSMA. He had changed, but in a good way. More mature, but still playful. An adult who was a hotshot photographer, but still humble and considerate. How someone could be built like that and have such a big soft heart was beyond you. 

The trip to get his car was slightly awkward, as Jin, Jungkook’s very nosy roommate, commented on how bad drunk sex must be with Jungkook if you were able to keep so quiet. 

“Somin was always so loud, I swear she was exaggerating. No one’s dick is that good; sorry JK.”

Once Jin dropped the two of you off at Yoongi and Hobi’s, it ended up turning into hanging out with them for a bit, talking about work and your relationship with Jungkook. Hobi swooned with oohs and ahhs while Yoongi cringed, faking disgust at such a cute story, as was his trademark. 

Jungkook apologized once the two of you escaped to his car, for both Jin being cringey, and for staying longer than anticipated with Yoongi and Hoseok, but you weren’t mad. You enjoyed meeting his friends and getting to know them. You were only a little concerned because Yoongi was also friends with Namjoon, who worked in the same department as him.

Jungkook turned to you before you climbed out of the car, not wanting to say goodbye just yet, but unable to think of a reason to get you to stay. Afterall, the relationship was fake. 

“Hey, thanks for your advice last night.”

“Honestly, I barely remember what it was, but if it helped you, I’m glad.” You smiled at him, and he had to blink a few times to remember what else he wanted to say.

“So, um—I was thinking we could go on, like, a formal date Monday? After work? Monday should be a chill day. I know the comeback is planned for January, so going out sooner than later is best, right? Get it out of the way? That way we won’t forget, and we won’t be too busy with work to try and squeeze it in, and—” 

Jungkook knew he was rambling, feeling nervous despite it being you, someone he had known for several years now. For fucks sake, he’s seen you naked. He felt his cock twitch and internally scolded himself. This was not the time for remembering the way you felt beneath him, the sweet sounds he had pulled from you as he learned your body, shared with you in giving each other your virginities. 

When his cock twitched again, he took a deep breath and tried to focus on your answer.

“You okay, Jeon?” you asked, noticing he had zoned out slightly.

“Yeah... ” he responded, shifting as if uncomfortable.

“Well, I said I would love to go on a date with you. What did you have planned?”

“It’s a surprise. Just dress for the weather.”

You nodded thoughtfully, a small smile gracing your face as you gathered your purse and stepped back out of the doorway of his car to shut it. He rolled the window down, smiling back at you.

“Can’t wait,” you say, standing outside his car on the sidewalk through the rolled down window, waving your fingers at him cutely.

Jungkook’s signature smile spread across his face as he winked at you just before he pulled off, turning his music up loud as he whipped his Benz out of your complex. 

—

Now sitting at your desk, you clicked through the selected shots that Jungkook emailed you of the photo shoot from last week as you reminisced on the weekend. You were supposed to be checking the outfits, detailing the different designers for the credits. But your thoughts kept drifting to Jungkook, and what should have easily been a 15 minute task took 45. 

Finally sending the email, you stood to stretch when a loud knock announced a visitor. Walking to the frosted door of your office, you opened it and revealed a large bouquet of tiger lilies. 

“Delivery for Y/N Y/L/N,” Kim, one of your assistants sing-songed as she walked into the room.

“Where did you get this? And why?” You searched the flowers until you found the card inside.

“I’m not supposed to give any details other than to read the note!” She pranced away, a smug smile on her face for knowing the secret you wanted to know.

Opening the envelope, a small polaroid fell out, fluttering to the ground. You picked it up, noting the image of a small park nearby. At the bottom, in Jungkook’s neat writing was a time. 2:30PM. Glancing at the clock, you see that the time listed is in roughly 15 minutes, so you gathered your purse, plucked a flower from the bouquet and headed out to meet Jungkook.

Walking into the elevator, Namjoon suddenly entered just before the doors shut, trapping you inside with him.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked. You studied him, momentarily at a loss for words at his ambush.

“Joonie, I—I’m not avoiding you. I’ve just been busy...”

“Too busy for your best friend? Jennie left me, and now I feel like I’m losing you too.”

Hearing his voice crack as he mentioned his ex hurts you more than you let him know. In all of the panic of the secret sex journal being released and fake dating Jungkook, you had forgotten what Namjoon had been going through.

“I promise, you’re not losing me, Joonie. You’re my best friend. I’m sorry that I haven’t been acting like it. I swear, I have been busy.”

“Yeah, busy going to parties with your new boyfriend. I saw him carrying your wasted ass out of Yoongi’s house.” Namjoon sounded a little irritated as he spoke.

“Listen, it’s complicated.. Can we talk about this later, please? It’s not a conversation for the elevator.”

“Okay, where are you going? I’ll go with you.” The doors opened and you both stepped out, Namjoon following you like a lifeline.

“Joonie, I—Look, I’m going on a date with Jungkook, I’m sorry!” you halted your steps and explained to him as a look of hurt flashed across his face.

“You know what? Forget it. Hit me up when you remember your best friend, if I’m even that.”

Namjoon walked away from you, ignoring you as you called after him. You sighed, giving up as he disappeared around a corner of the lobby, guests and coworkers looking at the exchange with interest.

You rubbed your temples and took a deep breath before braving the cold to walk to Ttukseom Park.

The walk was surprisingly pleasant. Despite the temperature, the sun was warm on your face whenever you were able to evade the shade along the sidewalk. It may have been the very beginnings of winter, but the scenery was anything but the cold melancholy you tended to associate with this time of the year.

The grass was vibrant still, and as you made it to the spot that matched the small photo you still had clutched in your hand, you noticed how the butterfly art installation along the wall of the J-Bug Cultural Complex glittered in the sunlight seeping in. Jungkook was seated on a bench right underneath the art with his trusty camera hanging from his neck, a picnic basket next to him.

“This is beautiful,” you said in awe, taking in the entire view. Jungkook followed your gaze, humming his agreement before picking up his camera. You heard the shutter of the camera several times. You looked over to him glancing at the small screen on the device before adjusting the lens and taking several more. 

“Have you never seen this?” He said as he stood and grabbed the basket. You stood as well and followed him, falling into step beside him as he walked out from the shade and into the grassier area.

You shook your head no. “Don’t really have the time I guess. I’ve always wanted to explore the J-Bug though; Namjoon said the museums all along the Hangang are amazing.”

“I’ve taken photos at several of the murals nearby, they’re some of my favorite locations actually.” He smiled at you, and you can’t help the way your heart squeezes. He nodded his head to an area that had a decent amount of sunlight to combat the winter chill.

“Yea, I remember seeing some of them in your office. You’re really talented Kookie, I remember how passionate you were about photography even back then.” You helped spread the blanket he produced from the basket and once seated you leaned back on your palms, eyes closed. 

Jungkook looked at you, taking in the way the midday sun made you glow, how pretty your lashes looked leaving shadows across your content cheeks. He couldn’t hold back the smile that took over his face upon hearing you use the endearment he hadn’t heard since that night so long ago.

“Ah, yeah, but my photography wasn’t that good then.”

“Stop being so humble, the photos you took were amazing, even then.”

You opened your eyes, catching him staring at you, and you felt yourself grow self-conscious.

“What? Is there something on my face?”

“Oh—uh, no sorry, it was just the sun—you know, lighting and all.” He gestured to his camera.

“Ah, I guess the talented eye never rests. Though I don’t know why you would want pictures of me,” you laughed and Jungkook tapped your knee in reproach.

“You’re a pretty good subject, don’t downplay yourself.”

You nodded, looking in the basket to hide the way your cheeks had warmed at his comment.

“Seriously, Y/N, I used to want to take photos of you all the time back then... you should’ve seen my camera roll. It was embarrassing. Jimin used to tease me all the time.” Jungkook helped you set up his small spread of food and you used the meal as a distraction.

“Ooh, did you prepare all of this?”

“Ah, some of it,” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I had some help from Jin hyung.”

“It smells delicious.” You took the proffered chopsticks from his large hand and dug into the bowl of japchae before placing it on your rice to gather for one bite; Jungkook followed suit.

The rest of the lunch date went incredibly well. Jungkook was just like you remembered him to be, except he was more filled out, and a little taller with a jawline that could cut glass. But his humor, his compassion, his deep thoughts that led you to fall for him all those years ago were still painfully there. Spending more time with him one on one did nothing but show you that the feelings you once had for him were still easily accessible. 

As he led you back to the office, his hand swinging yours between your bodies, you couldn’t help but wish this was real. How nice it would be to just pretend that Jungkook really was yours, allow those creeping feelings to spread like spring, blooming across your chest until it was vibrant and unforgettable. You couldn’t imagine what it would be like after; after when you were single again and Jungkook had either gotten back with Somin or moved on to someone else.

“What are you thinking about?” Jungkook squeezed your hand. You hadn’t even noticed that you were not only back at the office, but standing at the door to your locked office.

“Oh, sorry. Honestly, that lunch date was just so nice… It felt good to get out and do something different for a change.”

“Oh, well yea, I remembered you used to like stuff like this, I figured you probably still did.”

You nodded, hope blooming. 

“Take a look at this post, let me know if it’s okay.”

He handed you his phone, and you admired the way he had caught you off guard, a photo that looked like it could be moving, the way your hair frames your face as you looked longingly off into the distance. The caption was simple. “It’s not about where you go or what you have, it’s about who you’re with along the way.” 

“It’s perfect.”

“Okay, post it then. And post a few more pics of me on your page too? I’ve been posting and tagging you...”

If you didn’t know any better, you would think that Jungkook sounded… upset? You nodded as you clicked the post button, and as it loaded, the phone vibrated in your hand. Thinking it was a like or a comment on the image of you, you glanced at it. His phone had locked by this time, and instead of seeing notifications for Instagram, you saw a message notification instead. 

Handing him back his phone, you push down that blooming sensation. It would be foolish to think Jungkook was upset that you hadn’t posted him as much as he had posted you. Clearly he must’ve spent time with Somin after he dropped you off yesterday. 

“You got a message. Umm, I’m gonna finish up here and then head home, you don’t need to wait for me. See you tomorrow?”

You wanted to get away from him desperately. Jungkook looked at you, confused at your sudden shift in mood.

“I thought I was driving you home? Jin said he was staying out late tonight, I figured we could hang out for a few—”

“We’ll see! There’s still so much to do for the album release.” You leaned up and kissed his cheek chastely before unlocking your office door and all but disappeared inside of it.

Jungkook stood there, staring at your closed door for a few more seconds before he felt his phone buzz in his hand. Checking his notifications, he saw a series of texts from Somin. 

Looking around confused, he noticed Somin standing across the office area, a deadly smirk on her face as she waved her phone at Jungkook. All Jungkook could do was sigh. Somin wouldn’t leave him alone long enough to sort out his thoughts, and now she was sending purposefully misleading texts? Jungkook didn’t know how to explain to you that what you saw was untrue.

You clearly believed it.

—

Jungkook gave you two days of space before he decided to track you down. He always hated that Somin would know he was upset (typically because it was her fault) and immediately pounce on him, forcing her company upon him and not allowing him the ability to forgive and move on. He wanted to give you that time, so after two days, Jungkook felt that it had been long enough, and the two of you should reconcile whatever misunderstanding there had been.

You posted a photo with him yesterday, and from the caption you wrote it appeared like you had a fun time with him on Monday despite the way you left him standing at your office door. 

The image you posted on your Instagram with Jungkook was a candid shot; he hadn’t realized you had taken a photo. While it brought about that warm feeling in his chest seeing the photo appear in his feed, it didn’t clearly depict his face. 

Instead, the focus was on your fingers intertwined. Jungkook’s profile could be seen, blurred from lack of focus, but it matched the caption you had chosen so well. “Even if someone shakes this world, please don’t ever let go of this hand you’re holding...”

Motivated, Jungkook made sure to be bright and early at your door ready to drive you and your sister. 

You weren’t expecting to see the flashy Benz outside of your apartment. Yuna was excited to not have to take public transportation, leaving you behind as she all but ran to the passenger rear door.

“Morning JK! We missed you these past few days.”

“Ah, sorry about that, I had to be at the office way earlier; didn’t want to make you guys wake up even earlier than you already do.”

Yuna waves off the apology and you finally followed; feet moving across the pavement until you’ve climbed into the car and buckled your seatbelt.

“Morning princess,” Jungkook says, leaning towards you and pecking your lips. You were caught off guard, not expecting him to be so lovey, but you returned the kiss, a double peck that you started and continued on as the traditional way you greeted each other.

“Morning.”

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Yea, been a bit out of it these past few days...” You trailed off, not wanting to talk about it in front of Yuna. Catching on, Jungkook turns up the music and shifts into drive, pulling off towards the University for Yuna.

The drive to the office isn’t too long from the school, so once Yuna was out, Jungkook wasted no time in asking you to talk.

“So, can we talk about Somin?”

You huffed out a sigh. It was too early in the morning to deal with the Somin issue, but you nodded, allowing Jungkook to breach the topic.

“I know you saw her message. I want you to know that nothing happened. She sent that text because she saw us. She was doing the same bullshit she always does, part of the reason I don’t think she’s learned anything yet, like you said.”

You nodded, still not sure what to believe. He had no reason to lie to you, it’s not like you were actually in a relationship. He could go back to Somin anytime. 

“I hate that you’re mad at me.”

You turned your body towards him. 

“I—Look, I’m not mad, okay? Not at you. I just hate that Somin gets under my skin so much. That she’s a bitch to you. Neither of us deserve it, especially you.”

Jungkook reached over, encasing your hand in his.

“I’m learning that now. We’ve been together so long, I never noticed at first what she was doing. But I think subconsciously, it was making me resent her. And you really said some shit that had me thinking. And you’re right. I—I’m really glad to have you back in my life, Y/N. Having you in my corner has made all the difference.”

You looked down, eyes staring at the tattooed hand to hide the warmth on your face. 

“After work, come over. Let me buy us dinner and we can hang out.” You felt his smile as he stared at you while pausing at the red light before your office, and you met his gaze.

“Okay.”

“Good, we need to make Jin believe we’re having hot, loud sex, since rule 7 prevents you from experiencing the real thing.”

He let out a shout of pain as you punched his shoulder.

—

Walking to get food was not the smartest idea for 3 reasons. First, because neither of you checked the weather. Second, due to number one, neither of you had an umbrella. So naturally, third, running in the rain while carrying takeout was almost a disaster.

And still, the two of you laughed the entire way, bag clutched in one arm while your fingers were intertwined between your sprinting bodies, one block left to get to Jungkook’s apartment. By the time he’s unlocked the door, you're both sopping wet, rain water dripping onto the floor of the entryway to the apartment. After getting the food situated to stay warm while you guys got cleaned up, Jungkook gave you a towel and led you to his bathroom.

You appreciated that he was such a clean guy, his apartment and subsequently, the bathroom was pristine, and he actually had a trashcan and stocked toilet paper, unlike some men you knew. He planted folded clothes for you to change into on top of the sink counter, and surprised you with a kiss.

“What was that for?” You asked, dazed.

“Practice.” He said with a wink, and he backed away, closing the door as he left you alone. 

—

While Jungkook showered, you heated up the food, your mostly dried hair now up in a messy bun as you danced around his kitchen. His sweats were a little (a lot) too long, so you had rolled them up so you could avoid tripping. 

A knock at the door made you jump, before you moonwalked over to the entryway, now clean of the rain water the two of you had trudged in. Thinking it was Jin, you didn’t check to see who it was and opened the door. You froze as you took in a young man that was not your ‘boyfriend’s’ broad shouldered roommate. Instead, doe-eyes similar to the man currently naked in the shower stared back at you.

“Oh, hey… I thought my brother lived here. Sorry about that!” The man stepped back, checking the number on the apartment again before his eyes landed on your shirt—or rather, his brother’s shirt.

“You’re not Somin...”

“Hi, and no, I’m not,” you laughed, “um, but this is Jungkook’s apartment.”

“Ahh, okay. I’m JungHyun. His older brother.”

“Oh! Come in!” You stepped back so that he could walk past you, and you led him into the living room once he had shed his shoes. 

“Oh, did I interrupt dinner?”

“Oh, no we haven’t even started eating yet. No worries.”

The two of you sat down, and you tucked your feet up under your bottom, turning to face Jungkook’s older brother.

“So, I know who you’re not...”

“Oh, fuck, manners.” The look on your face is sheepish, and you smiled to cover your nerves. “I’m Y/N, Kookie’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, you’re the famous Y/N! Finally got you, did he?”

His words confused you, Jungkook had been with Somin since forever, when had he ever wanted you? Smiling to cover your confusion, you’re saved when Jungkook appears in the hallway, a loud laugh as he barreled over to his brother and all but jumped on the man.

“Hyung! What are you doing here?!”

“Oh, I finished that project at work early, so I’m headed to visit mom and dad. Staying with them through Christmas before the next contract at work starts.”

“Ah, it’s good to see you!”

Jungkook’s enthusiasm is abundant; it’s clear he loves his brother dearly and misses him. He pulled back from a hug and sat comfortably in the space between you and JungHyun, his palm resting lightly on your leg absentmindedly.

“So, I’ve met your new girlfriend. I must say you didn’t do her justice when you described her to me.”

You felt the blush creep across your face, and Jungkook also seemed to turn red, his fingers rubbing at the skin on his neck.

“Yea, seeing her in person is best.” He says awkwardly, and you can’t help but laugh.

“So? Does dad know? Mom is gonna be so excited. She hated Somin.”

“What?” Jungkook says at the same time that you say “Really?”

JungHyun nodded, sitting back into the couch comfortably.

“Yea, no offense, lil bro, but Somin was a bitch. Mom thought she was so fake.”

“Wh-why didn’t you guys ever say anything?”

“Eh, you know, cause you were in love or whatever.”

You get up and go to the kitchen, grabbing bowls and the last of the heated food, hoping to avoid being present for this part of their conversation, but still curious all the same.

“Definitely not.”

“Mmhmm, sure.”

“Seriously. I wasn’t actually in love. Or if I was, it faded. I think for a lot of it I was just… dependent or whatever. I thought it was love, sure. But it wasn’t; I know that now.”

“Ah, so Y/N showed you what love is?”

“She definitely cares more about me and my happiness than Somin ever has.”

You cleared your throat as you walked back into the living room.

“Ready to eat?”

Dinner with Jungkook and JungHyun is, in so many words, fun. They bantered and joked and you spend the time eating and laughing, enjoying your time with the brothers. You didn't even realize how late it had gotten, not until Jin waltzed into the apartment, noting the late hour for you all to be chatting so loud. 

“Shit, Yuna messaged me an hour ago.” 

“Just stay here. We can pick Yuna up in the morning when you go home to change.”

“Are you sure? Your brother’s visiting, I don’t want to be in the way.”

“Y/N, don’t worry, I’ll take the couch. I was going to anyway.” JungHyun smiled at you, and you nodded back. Standing up, you stretched, not realizing how tired you were. Jungkook took the opportunity to tickle your exposed sides, and you squealed, causing the brothers to laugh as you squirmed away from Jungkook, who didn’t let you get far.

“Let’s get you to bed, princess.”

Turning in Jungkook’s arms, you looked over his shoulder at his brother.

“Good night, oppa.”

Jungkook stiffened as JungHyun and Jin laughed, enjoying the way the youngest one reacted to your words.

“Ah, if it doesn’t work out between you two, hit me up.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook glared at his brother, not enjoying the joke.

“What? At least she wouldn’t need to meet our parents twice! She is coming for Christmas, right?”

The two of you looked at each other, a little thrown off by the question. The holidays were coming up, but you hadn’t discussed this far into the relationship. It wasn’t real after all, did you have to go through such lengths to teach Somin a lesson?

“I haven’t told mom and dad yet about her...”

“No worries, I text them ages ago. They’re expecting her for Christmas.”

Jungkook sighed, dropping his forehead to yours, so all you could see was his eyes staring into yours.

“Is this okay? Do you wanna, you know? Meet my parents?” Jungkook’s voice was low as he whispered the question.

“I—Yes.”

The look on his face when you agreed was beautiful, a scrunched-nose smile that is reminiscent of a bunny. You couldn’t help but smile back, lost in the mahogany of his eyes.

“Are you guys over there kissing when I’m waiting for an answer?” JungHyun broke the tension filling the air between you and his brother.

Jungkook smirked before capturing your lips with his own, a breathless kiss that lasted only a couple seconds before he pulled away to smirk at his brother.

“You can tell mom and dad I’ll be bringing her home for Christmas.” With those words, Jungkook whisked you down the hall and tucked you into his bed before climbing in behind you. Wrapping his arm around your waist, he pulled you closer to him. His hands skimmed your body before he began tickling you again, a squeal leaving your mouth. You retaliated, hands attempting to tickle him before he pinned you to the bed, and the two of you began to wrestle for a bit. 

You were unaware of how sexual the wrestling sounded; his headboard hitting the wall roughly and the two of you grunting and groaning as you fought for dominance, some added squeals and moans when Jungkook decided it was a good idea to bite you in his quest for submission. Finally winded, you gave in, laying back on the mattress in defeat. Jungkook tugged at your sweatpants, removing them swiftly and throwing them onto the floor, his own joining the pile. He then grasped your face, peppering it with kisses.

You were about to ask him what he was doing, when someone knocked. Jungkook called out a ‘come in’ and his brother walked into the bedroom, his sights set on the bathroom.

“Don’t mind me, just gonna wash up before bed. It seemed safe to enter now.”

He disappeared into the bathroom as Jungkook continued to hold you, affectionate even after his brother was out of sight. Even if this relationship was fake, you could pretend in this moment that it was real, that Jungkook pulled you closer, not to fool his brother, but because he wanted to be close to you, that he was falling in love with you. 

For one night, it should be okay to pretend it was something more, right?

—

The next two weeks passed by in a blur. Namjoon had basically confined himself to his studio at work, intent on avoiding you. Seeing you hand in hand with Jungkook seemed to bother him, and because you couldn’t tell him the truth (or wouldn’t), you left him to his own assumptions. He ignored all of your texts attempting to reach out to him, despite him saying he wanted you to let him know when you had time for him. This just made you more frustrated, and you were done trying to chase Namjoon, romantically or otherwise. When he was ready to behave like an adult, you would be willing to talk to him. 

After telling Yuna about how you were asked to go home with Jungkook and meet his family, you received a call from your own parents. Yuna had told them about Jungkook, and you were bombarded with questions until you too agreed to bring Jungkook home.

It took some discussing, but it was finally decided: the 23rd and Christmas Eve would be with your family, and Christmas Day and the 26th would be with Jungkook’s. You were a little worried that the parents would be able to see through your ruse, despite having fooled everybody else at work, but Jungkook assured you that it would be easy enough to trick his parents. 

On the train ride to Daegu, you sat a few rows away from your sister, who had her headphones in as she watched the latest K-Drama she missed due to her busy school schedule. The ‘arriving soon’ message plays throughout the cabins of the KTX, and you figure it’s important to bring up your parents. 

Turning to Jungkook, who was drawing on his iPad, you removed an airpod from your ear, pausing the music. You take a moment and admire his face, the way his jawline was so angular, the sharp planes of his cheekbones, the concentration held in his eyes.

“Like what you see?” Jungkook’s voice is teasing, but you still felt embarrassed at being caught staring at him.

“I just think we should talk about the next 2 days.”

“Y/N, listen. Parents love me. Despite the tattoos and long hair.”

“Cause you’ve met so many parents? You’ve been dating Somin since we were 20.”

“My friends have parents too, you know. Don’t worry. Just be like we always are and it’ll be fine.”

“Your parents may be easy to trick, but mine? They’re a bit more… scrutinizing. Plus, they’ve heard me talk about Namjoon, and probably don’t remember me talking about you...” you trailed off, a slight warmth subtly coloring your cheeks.

“So you used to talk about me?”

“Well, yea, first year, you know? I had a crush on you, so my mom heard all about it. Not about—you know, but I told her I thought we might date.” You buried your nose in your phone to avoid looking at Jungkook. 

“You know, you never told me why you nev—”

Jungkook’s words were cut off by an attendant walking through the aisle, asking everyone to start packing up their belongings as the train would be pulling into the DongDaegu Station momentarily.

“My dad should be here to pick us up—Yuna!” Your sister turned to you, a smile on her face as she waved her phone.

“Dad’s here!”

The drive to the house was short, and you spent most of the time taking turns with Yuna filling in your dad on your life in Seoul. Your mom was busy in the kitchen when you arrived, and she shooed you all upstairs to your rooms. Unsurprisingly, your parents were having you and Yuna share her room while Jungkook would be across the hall in your room. 

Your parents were more conservative, and while you were an adult and perfectly able to do as you pleased in Seoul, while under their roof, they wanted to make sure that you remained as pure as they could keep you. 

Dinner that first night went well. Jungook and your dad bonded over sports, despite Jungkook not playing any team sports, he was still well-versed on the topic and joined your dad in watching a basketball game while you, Yuna, and your mom cleaned up after dinner and then sat in the sewing room. 

Your mom asked you all about Jungkook, which she surprisingly did remember you talking about. It seemed you had her and your father fooled, but while you sat at her embroidery machine, she shared she was confused about the lack of presents you had for each other to open tomorrow night. Saying it was because you still had to wrap them and she would find them under the tree tomorrow was an easy enough excuse, and paired with a very real yawn, you excused yourself to get ready for bed.

Sleeping with Yuna was uncomfortable; she was a wild sleeper. Restlessness won over sleep, so you got out of bed and made your way downstairs to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen. Your parents were already in bed in their first floor room on the other side of the house from the kitchen and the stairs.

When you returned back upstairs, you noticed the light on in your bedroom, so you knocked softly.

“Come in,” Jungkook’s voice was subdued, and you pushed the door open gently.

“Hey,” you said, eyeing Jungkook’s lean, topless form as he sat at the edge of the bed. You never tired of the view when you would sleep over at his place. 

“Can’t sleep?”

“Yea, Yuna isn’t the best person to sleep next to, flops around all night, hogs the sheets.”

You walk into the room, joining him on the bed. He’s swiping through images from the SeoulM8 shoots he’s recently done. You watched his finger move across the iPad leisurely.

“Ahh, sounds like you miss sleeping next to me.”

You scoffed, shoulder bumping into his.

“You snore a bit. And your body temperature runs pretty hot. I wake up sweating half the time.”

“Ah, not the first time I’ve made you sweat, love.”

You raise your eyebrow at his insinuation of your loss of virginity.

“Kidding, babe,” he jokes, locking his iPad and setting it down to charge on the bedside table.

“Can we go into town tomorrow? I want to do some last minute shopping.”

“Sure.” Jungkook yawned and you took that as your cue to leave so he could get some sleep after your journey across the country.

“Where ya going? I thought you couldn't fall asleep with Yuna?”

Jungkook pulled the covers back, making space for you to climb in in front of him.

“Well, yes, but my parents—”

“Sleep downstairs and wholly expect us to pretend to sleep apart but know that you’re going to sneak in here anyways because we’re madly in love.”

You had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing loudly.

“And how do you know that?”

Jungkook smirked, still waiting for you to get into bed.

“You’re dad told me. He also said we need to give him grandchildren, sooner rather than later.”

Stunned silent, Jungkook leaned forward and grabbed your wrist, pulling you towards him. He turned off the light and you climbed in over him, keeping him at the front just in case. 

“C’mere,” he rolled over and pulled you to his chest, snuggling into you as he got comfortable. “We have to look madly in love. No funny business though. I know you think I’m irresistible, but we are in your parents house and must be respectful.”

You elbowed him in the rib, and settled into the comforting darkness of your childhood bedroom with Jungkook’s arm wound around your waist, holding you close. 

——

Christmas Eve, in your family, is the night that presents are opened. As a child, this tradition was done in order to make room under the tree for Santa’s presents. As adults, your parents keep the tradition alive, instead putting stockings with 1 or 2 of the more expensive gifts for you to have on Christmas morning. 

After shopping in town and spending time wrapping, you had finally placed a few gifts for Jungkook under the tree that Yuna was now passing out. You were surprised to see a couple gifts for you from Jungkook in the small pile you amassed, and when you caught his eye, he winked at you. 

Yuna opened her gifts first, then you and Jungkook, where you saw that he gave you a matching jewelry set: necklace and earrings in a soft rose gold, a small cherry blossom bloom dangling from the small hoop of the earrings and from a small hoop on the necklace. It reminded you of your date at the park. The two of you sat under the winter sakura tree that day, the only blossoms that bloom twice a year, where you told him how much you loved cherry blossoms in passing. 

“It’s beautiful, Jungkook.” You almost can’t believe it, but he just smiles softly at your gratitude and helps put the necklace on you. Your parents looked happy, enjoying seeing their daughter so happy. Jungkook was excited to see what you had gotten him; a special lens for his camera that he had talked on and on about purchasing soon. He was giddy, running upstairs to grab his camera, testing out the new lens on pictures of you and your family.

Once again, you found yourself in your old room, curled up with Jungkook, but this time you were unable to sleep. Rolling over, you faced Jungkook, who cracked one eye and peeked at you.

“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, voice laced with sleep. You noticed how easily the endearment rolled off his tongue even with no one around to convince.

“I—the gift you got me,” your fingers fidgeted with the small cherry blossom on the necklace. “I hope it didn’t cost too much. You can return it once we break up if you need to.”

“Y/N, that gift is for you. For being such a great… friend. Helping me do this. I really think it’s working.”

“You deserve to be happy Jungkook. I’m glad you were able to get space long enough to work out how you feel, and that you’re working your way to being happier.”

“Yea, I think I’ve been much happier lately...”

You watched his tongue run along his lips, and you couldn’t help but train your eyes on the movement. He caught your eyes, his hands gripped you a bit tighter as the tension in the dark room grew.

“...much happier...”

You weren’t sure who moved first, you or Jungkook, but at that point, it didn’t really matter. The way your lips sought his, the way his hands pulled you closer, the two of you were acting on instinct. This kiss wasn’t for practice or for show, who was to know what happened here, in this room tonight, but the two of you?

You let out a moan as he dipped his head lower, tracing kisses from your neck to what was exposed of your collarbone. His touch is impatient, tugging and kneading, unable to stay still on your body. His scent alone, a musky vanilla scent, engulfed your senses and you wanted… more.

You threw your leg over his body, turning the two of you until you’re straddled on top of him, able to press your core down onto his very firm cock. His boxers and your sleep shorts are the only things holding it back from assaulting you, and you’re annoyed that they’re in the way. Reaching down, you slide your hand roughly into the waistline of the boxers, fingers gripping him.

Jungkook groaned into your neck, the feel of your hand as you palm him building the craving he had for you. He wanted you. Not just physically. But you had those stupid rules, and he couldn’t just break them. He respected you more than that, and falling in love with you? Well that wasn’t part of the plan.

Jungkook slows the way he’s kissing you, slows the way he was thrusting into your hand and pushes you gently off of him and back to your side of the bed. You’re both panting, barely able to catch your breath as he pulled your back to his chest and held you close.

“We’ve got a long trip tomorrow morning to Busan, babe. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Oh… okay?” You were so confused. You had never been turned down before, especially not when you were so far into the act, practically ready to pull your panties to the side and ease him into you. You were throbbing, body aching with want, and you knew he was too; could feel the hardness as it nestled in the dip between your cheeks.

You felt him kiss your head, followed by a soft double peck to your neck, and not 10 minutes later his breathing slowed as he drifted off to sleep. 

You, on the other hand, laid awake, thoughts running wild.

——

Christmas morning you had an early breakfast with your family before opening stockings. Your parents had only a couple of weeks to prepare for Jungkook, but they had prepared a stocking for him as well; your mom embroidering his name onto it and stuffing it full to the brim. 

You were surprised at the gifts; a couple boxes of polaroid film, a bag of banana kick chips, individually packaged egg snacks, and colorful candy canes. Yours were similar as well, a small collection of sewing items for designing, and your favorite snacks. Your mom ruffled Jungkook’s sleepy-head hair as he offered his thanks to your parents, and you couldn’t help but feel your heart swoon at the sight. You realized something heartbreaking at that moment: breaking up with Jungkook once this was over would hurt more than just you. 

Heading to Jungkook’s parents house was a different experience after the previous night. Yuna had obviously stayed with your parents, and would be catching the train back the same day you left Busan. 

This was the first time the two of you had been alone since the rejection the night before, and you were doing your best to ignore the hurt feeling that would bloom every time you caught yourself dwelling on it. You focused on your phone instead, posting a few photos on Instagram so that you were sticking to your end of the deal. Somin would see these posts some way or another, and it would hopefully do what it was intended to.

Jungkook didn’t seem to think twice about the rejection, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and treating you like you were really together, a true couple going to meet his parents for the first time. 

“Nervous?”

“A little. I’ll be meeting your parents, and we’re not really together,” you looked down at your hands, missing the way Jungkook’s face fell for a few seconds before working it’s way back to a smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

“I think we’re together enough where it counts. No one watching us would doubt it,” he intertwined your fingers and gave it an encouraging squeeze, “sometimes even I forget you’re not my real girlfriend.” He laughed, and the sound leaves an ache in your chest.

“Same, haha...” You looked out the window of the KTX, ready to breathe the fresh air of the nearby sea. Jungkook released your hand and you both went back to your tasks, Jungkook reading emails and you sketching designs for work.

Jungkook’s parents treated you much like yours had treated Jungkook. Like you were the greatest thing to happen to their child.

“Y/N, you’re so pretty! Oh, thank heavens, we have a chance at cute grandchildren now.” Jungkook’s mom bowed her head in thanks to a higher power, and you couldn’t help feeling a little bad that you weren’t actually dating Jungkook. You would have liked to deserve the praise she was giving you.

“He looks so much happier, happier than we’ve seen him in a long time.” She smiled at his father and their eyes, so similar to their two sons, crinkled in the corners. JungHyun greeted you with a hug, and you reciprocated it.

“Hi, Oppa,” you teased, and Jungkook glared at you. 

“Yah! That’s Jeon JungHyun to you,” he leaned closer to your ear in a mock whisper, “only I get called Oppa.”

JungHyun cringed back in mock disgust.

“I do not need to know about your ‘Oppa kink’ in the bedroom.” He shivered as he walked back to the living room, where he put away his laptop to make space for gifts.

Their dad, who you were very glad had not heard his eldest son’s comment, gestured to you to leave your suitcases in the entryway and come sit down.

“Kookie, pass out the gifts please. Your mom has been waiting all morning in excitement for you two to get here. We can have lunch after you guys get situated.”

Jungkook, ever the dutiful youngest son, began to distribute gifts amongst you all, while you handed your own gifts that you had gotten for his family out to them. 

“You didn’t have to get them anything,” Jungkook whispered as he dropped a gift off for you from his own parents.

You gave him a pointed look, gesturing subtly to the gift.

“I did.”

He shook his head with a smile and continued until the space under the tree was empty.

“So, we just open them all at the same time! Save your thanks for the end, ready?” His dad looked at you, and you nodded.

“Let’s get it!” Jungkook shouted, and everyone laughed at his phrase as you began to open your gifts. You didn’t have many, one from his parents and JungHyun, and 2 from Jungkook. His family had given you a Pantone Color Swatch book that was easy to carry around, to help while on set working. It was very thoughtful, and you knew it could not have been cheap. You bowed deeply, on your knees and forehead to their floor as a show of your gratitude and respect.

They motioned for you to sit back up, waving off your thanks as if it was no big deal for them to get this gift for you. You turned to Jungkook’s gift, eyes already threatening tears at their sincere treatment of you, and once opened, you did cry.

Nestled inside a satin lined box was a beautiful set of Dwikkoji, traditional hair pins, that came with a small card identifying them as from the Joseon era.

“Jungkook!” you gasped, sure that they couldn’t be real.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t have to pay for them. But they would look much better displayed in your office as our head fashionista then collecting dust in storage.”

You couldn’t hold back your feelings any longer. Acting on instinct, you tugged him towards you, wrapping your arms under his own and around his frame as you let your tears fall.

“They’re beautiful, Kookie.” 

Jungkook reciprocated your embrace, his hand smoothing down your hair as his parents smiled at the scene in front of them.

“Ah, young love, remember when that was us?”

—

Unlike your parents, who wanted to pretend that the two of you were a modest young couple, Jungkook’s parents assumed that the two of you would room together. His dad had clapped him on his shoulder and congratulated him on bringing home such a fine woman. Apparently in the two weeks that JungHyun had been home, he had raved about you to his parents, showing pictures from your social media accounts of the two of you together, as well as your fashion talent. Jungkook too had talked on the phone to his parents, you came to find out, which was why his parents were so enthralled by you, despite only dating Jungkook for a short time.

Lunch was fun. Spending time with the Jeons was full of laughter. His family was like him, generous and kind hearted, and you enjoyed spending time with his mom in the kitchen making cookies for dessert.

That night you went out for a drive to look at Christmas lights, before you all stopped off at the town center where they had outdoor ice skating set up. Jungkook had his camera with the new personalized strap you made him (yay fashion classes!) around his neck, taking photos of you and his family as you glided across the frozen water. You spent an hour there before heading home to warm up with hot cocoa and Christmas movies. You found out that this was their tradition every year, and it made you happy to know they wanted to share it with you. Even if it was only for this one Christmas.

Having showered first, you traveled down the hall to get water from the kitchen while you waited for Jungkook to finish his. His family had a one level house; His parents’ room was located on one side of the living room and kitchen, while Jungkook and his brother’s room was on the other side. 

You heard his parents talking at the table and you slowed down, resting the back of your head on the wall as you heard them say your name.

“Oh, honey, Y/N is so darling! I haven’t seen him this happy in years.”

“He looks so in love with her.”

“Well, remember, he used to have the biggest crush on her.”

“But that was years ago. They were what, 20? And somehow he chose Somin?”

“Sometimes, people aren't ready. Now, they’re older. Better chances of them working out. Oh, honey, I hope they work out. She would be such a cute daughter in law.”

“I know, but don’t pressure them. Let them realize how in love with each other they are on their own.”

“Do you think she loves him too?”

“I don’t have a single doubt in my mind. I saw the way they were together.They’re in love, whether they realize it or not.”

“Ahh, so we could have grandchildren soon? JungHyun seems like he’s never going to settle down... ”

“Aish, grandchildren? I’m too young to be a grandpa!”

Instead of interrupting them, you headed back to his room, mind racing with their words. Jungkook had a crush on you? They thought the two of you were in love? Daughter in law? Jungkook chose that moment to come into the room, towel wrapped low around his waist as he checked his phone and you couldn’t look away.

“You’re starting to drool there, babe.”

You swallowed and looked away, grabbing your hair and running your fingers through it to put it into a bun on your head.

“I just uh—I wanted to talk to you about the contract.”

Jungkook, who was facing his dresser where his suitcase was opened up, froze. His eyes sought yours in the mirror, his reflection giving away nothing.

“Oh? What, uh, what about it?”

“Well, our parents seem to like us together, I mean, they’re talking about grandkids, and well, I would hate to break up so soon after having met them. I know this was only supposed to go on until you figured out what to do about Somin, but if it’s alright with you,” you look away, twisting your fingers in nervousness, “I would like for us to continue to date.”

Jungkook’s mind was racing. He understood what you meant. Your parents seemed to love him, discussing future visits for the holidays and his family had been no different. And thinking about ending the contract? Well, he had already been thinking about doing that. So he could date you, for real. Somin texted him while he was in the shower, upset about missing Christmas with his family. Jungkook thought that it would bother him, his first holiday without her, but he realized he couldn’t care less. 

Somin treated him like a prize to be toted around and shown off. He was good for bragging; his face, body, high paying job, it all granted her status. She had no ambition to grow within the company, still a one act manager after graduating as an interning manager’s assistant. But you? God, you were different. You had ambition, you didn’t care about what Jungkook could provide for you, and you listened to him, to his dreams. You were thoughtful, appreciative, and everything you had done was to help him be happy. Even fake dating, while it benefitted you as well, you had gone above and beyond for him.

You stood up, walking closer to him where he was lost in his thoughts.

“Jungkook?” you intoned, your fingers softly settling on the back of his shoulder, waiting for his response.

“I think, yeah. I think that would be a good idea. My parents and brother love you.”

Your heart soared. He wanted to continue this. Not go back to Somin right away. He barely brought her up this whole trip. You felt giddy, hopeful that maybe one day, this could be something more.

“So then, it’s settled.”

Jungkook turned around, catching your hand before you could drop it back to your side.

“I think we should reexamine that contract, but tonight, I’d really like to say fuck it.”

Jungkook stepped into your space, and in a heart’s beat, he had ensnared your lips, his arms pulling you closer to him. Your own arms snaked up his body, hands pulling his head closer to you, your fingers playing with the wet strands at his nape. His kisses were fervent, lips almost rough as he pressed them to yours before he was swiping his tongue across the opening of your mouth, seeking entrance. 

You groaned as you arched your back, seeking to deepen the kiss as you pressed higher on your tiptoes, wanting more of him. His palm skimmed your back down to your butt, where he applied pressure and lifted you with brute strength. You pulled away with a gasp, not expecting to be lifted up. He just looked at you with pupils blown, one eyebrow raised suggestively as he carried you to his bed.

“I think we should practice making ‘grandchildren’ for them.”

He set you down, long enough to grip the hem of your shirt before he pulled it over your head. His eyes moved to your chest, and he closed his eyes as he sighed in defeat.

“You’ve been keeping this from me?”

“You’ve seen me naked before,” you remind him, but he just shook his head.

“Years ago, Y/N, and let me tell you, my memory didn’t do you justice. I think I need a reminder.”

You throw him a suggestive look, knowing that you’ve both had some experience with sex since your shared first time all those years ago. This time, there was no fumbling, no nervous laughter, or apologizing. This time, Jungkook was in command of his body, and of yours too. He rid you of your shorts, leaving you naked on his sheets as he dropped his towel. 

You marveled at how his body had changed: the muscle gained and the chiseled jaw you loved to admire. Jungkook bit his lip and did the same to you, eyes roving along your curves, the way you weren’t shying away from his touch as his fingers trailed up your thigh.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.”

You didn’t get a chance to respond, as Jungkook kissed you again, this time with less fervor, his body crawling above yours as he joined you on the bed. His hands touched you everywhere, fondling your breasts and your ass as he kissed down your neck, nipping the skin and leaving marks along your neck. You feel the ache as your wetness pools between your legs, and Jungkook’s growing member sits heavy where it’s pressed against your thigh. 

“Jungkook, please—”

He nips a bit harder, the sound of you begging for him made him infinitely larger. He wanted to be in you, but he didn’t want to rush it, wanted to savor you for as long as he had you under him. Kissing down your body, his tongue leaves a cool, wet trail and you writhe, ticklish to his tongues path to your core. 

Parting your legs wider, he smirked at you from where he's sat on his knees, your thighs on either side of his gloriously naked body. Leaning forward, he never breaks eye contact as you watch his lips meet your mound. Gentle kisses pressed to your lips, and then his tongue is parting them, flicking your clit in greeting. Your head is thrown back, you know you should be quieter, but the onslaught of his lips and tongue as they pleasure your sweet spot has you reduced to base instincts only. And right now, they want Jungkook to know that he had better not stop.

You rolled your hips, seeking more, and he gives in, thick fingers immersing themselves inside of you. You clench, walls shocked at the intrusion but welcoming it all the same. He felt so good, and you tell him as much, so he continued to finger fuck you as he lapped up your release, carrying you through your orgasm.

He was so hard, cock throbbing as he kissed back up your body, and after spitting into your hand, you reached down to stroke along his shaft, palm twisting and gliding as he nuzzled his face back into your neck, quiet little moans rolling out of his mouth with each stroke. You made him feel so good, your body warm and soft as your smaller hand stroked his larger ego, in more ways than one.

Without preamble, you positioned him at your opening and lifted your hips, allowing him to feel how warm your walls were, waiting for him. He pushed up on his palms on either side of your head and the look he gave you was indecipherable before your own eyes shut; he engulfed his cock in the swollen velvet that was your cunt, buried to the hilt.

He had tried his best to prepare you, but every glorious inch stretching you out was a breath you needed to take in order to grow accustomed to his size. You counted nine breaths, then opened your eyes, taking in the trembling of his arms as he held himself back from pounding into you.

“Move, Kook, please,” you whine, and he wasted no time following your orders.

His hips grinded into you as he rolled them, angling himself to take you as deep as humanly possible. His pace started off fast, but soon he was slowing down, head dropped into the crook of your neck as your nails dragged red marks down his back. You rocked your hips in time to his thrusts, using your grip on his back as leverage to meet him halfway. 

“You feel so good, so wet for me,” he murmured with each thrust, and you bit his shoulder, afraid if you didn’t gag yourself, you would say the wrong thing.

Everything about you enveloped him, your scent, your arms and thighs that were holding him close; he could barely think straight as he tried to get you to cum again before he got himself off. But you felt so good, tight clenches as your arousal gushed and coated his cock, he didn’t know how much longer he could last. Then you bit his shoulder, and he sped up his stroke, hips rolled in fast succession as your body jostled underneath him.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m so close baby,” you mewl into his ear, and he lifted his head up out of your neck, resting his forehead on yours. 

“I want to watch you, don’t close your eyes,” he pleads and you try your best to keep them open, not closing them for long as the coil builds in your lower abdomen. He adjusted your bodies, lifted your legs up slightly which allowed him a deeper angle that hits your g-spot. Your mouth hangs open, a fucked out expression on your face and Jungkook loses it.

The first spurt of his hot cum sends you over the edge, and you're spiraling down, pussy contracting around his cock, milking him for every drop. You maintain eye contact, watching each other for a few seconds before you can’t help but close them, the pleasure too great.

Jungkook pressed his lips to yours as you both cum, using them to cage in the words he wanted to say, wanted to shout from the rooftops, but wasn’t yet sure you felt the same way.

——

Waking up in Jungkook’s arms, you felt sore. So sore, but also satisfied. You hadn’t slept this well in ages, and if Jungkook’s deep slumber and dead weight arm draped over your waist was anything to go by, he hadn’t either. You moved his arm slowly, headed for the shower, and let out a small gasp as JungHyun also exited his bedroom at the same time.

“Well, don’t you look... rested,” he trailed off, a look of knowing on his face.

Your face burned in embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, as soon as I heard little brother start to get a little… feral, I turned up my TV while I gamed. Parents didn’t hear a peep.”

“Thank you, oppa.” You bowed, gratitude seeping out of each of your pores.

“Now, those marks on the other hand,” he gestured to your neck, “might I suggest an ice pack for 20 minutes and then some really good makeup?”

You hurried into the bathroom as he laughed his way towards the kitchen. A minute later he knocked, passing you a small ice-pack through the cracked door.

“20 minutes,” he reminded you with a wink, and went back into his room with his cereal.

—

Saying goodbye to Jungkook’s parents after a late breakfast was tough. His mom cried, saying her baby son did not visit enough and that she would miss him. She also said she would miss you greatly, and that you better come back with him soon to visit.

It was tough to promise her that you would, knowing that there was a very real chance that you wouldn’t. This was fake after all. You had just agreed to extend the contract briefly, to get through the holidays and while Jungkook said ‘fuck it’ last night, with the rising of the sun came the clarity of the situation. 

Jungkook behaved much the same, holding your hand and showering you with PDA, and while you reciprocated, you couldn’t help but feel like the magic of Christmas was over. Heading back to Seoul meant back to reality. You weren’t sure you were ready for that. For the first time in your life, you felt like you could see a future with someone, with him, despite the relationship being fake thus far. To be honest, it hadn’t felt fake since the night of the party. 

The entire trip, all 3 and a half hours of it, you ruminated on last night and what it meant. You hated to admit that you had fallen for Jungkook, and had given up rule number 7 on a whim. For all you knew, he would be going back to Somin at the end of this. 

In his own little world, Jungkook too couldn’t stop thinking about you and what last night meant. He wished he had said to forget the contract all together, instead of just for the night. He wanted to see if you felt the same way, but he wanted to be sure that his Somin chapter was done. He needed to see her and make sure he was over her, and not just using you as a rebound. You didn’t deserve that.

Jungkook’s body language had you on edge, as his foot tapped incessantly as the train got closer and closer to Seoul. You placed your hand on his knee, a reassuring move for both of you. 

“Jungkook, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just—Somin messaged me.” He had been thinking about it the whole trip back to Seoul, about how her messages didn’t affect him anymore. Before, he could barely go a few minutes before responding. Now, almost 18 hours had passed and he wasn’t bothered.

“When?” Your voice came out sharper than intended, and Jungkook flinched back from you.

“Uh, last night, right after I got out of the shower.”

Your brain began to connect dots that you didn’t want it to.

“Oh,” you respond, trying to keep your voice light. Jungkook was confused at your reaction; usually you were jumping to keep him and Somin apart. This response felt like you didn’t care, like if he met up with Somin, it wouldn’t impact you at all.

“She just… I think that you’re right. The plan is working and I’ve been happier than I’ve been in a long time. But I guess there’s that part of me that needs to talk with her, express how I feel. I want to be sure.” Before I confess my feelings to you, he thought.

“Right. Well, that was the goal, getting you to figure out what you want.” You turned your head away from him and deeper into the neck pillow, trying to get this conversation done and over with before he said something that really broke your heart.

“I know. I guess I’ll meet up with her when we get back? The sooner the better I guess.”

“True, the faster you meet with her, figure it all out, the faster we can move towards breaking up.”

Jungkook freezes, but you don’t notice, too focused on not looking at him.

“At breaking up?”

“Yea, that was the plan right? We date for a couple more weeks, then break up, so you can get back with Somin, if she’s changed, you know?”

“You—”

“Hey Jungkook? I’m really tired, can we talk about this later?”

Jungkook stared at your form, taking in how closed off you were from him. He didn’t understand what changed. He sat back, finally replying to Somin’s text, agreeing to meet at a cafe by his apartment later that evening.

—

Jungkook saw you home, worried the entire ride to your place about what was happening between the two of you. He thought everything had been going well, and after last night, he didn’t know how he could have possibly fucked up. He hoped you were just PMS-ing, like Somin used to always blame moods like this on. 

You let him carry your suitcase upstairs to your apartment and when he leaned in for a kiss, you kissed him back, but he felt it was almost out of obligation; your sister was sitting on the couch watching the two of you. Jungkook paused at your door, but you had turned away from him, so ready to be alone. So he let you close the door in his face, let you have time to yourself.

Jungkook got to the cafe, eyes searching for the long black hair of his ex. When he approached her she smiled at him. Jungkook saw the way her face lit up, the way the smile graced her pretty face, and felt nothing for it. Sitting down, a cafe worker took their drink order and left them alone.

“So, you said you wanted to talk?” Jungkook asked, fidgeting with his fingers drumming on his knee.

“Kookie, I miss you.” Somin leaned toward him, chest pushed out in her off the shoulder zebra print dress. Her black heel nudged against Jungkook’s leg, rubbing it suggestively.

Jungkook moved his leg out of reach and sighed.

“Somin—”

“Minnie.” She pouted, red painted bottom lip jutting out after she cut him off to correct her name.

“Somin. I—I’m sorry.” Jungkook felt awkward. Here he was, sitting in front of his ex, who was undoubtedly a gorgeous woman. But after all they had been through—all she put him through—and all the healing you had done to his heart, he realized he had fallen out of love with her a long time ago. “I know you had hopes of us getting back together.”

“Well, of course we’re getting back together Kookie. We’re made for each other. Since we were 20! I know this thing with Y/N is just revenge. You wanted to make me mad, teach me a lesson,” she said as she reached out and grabbed Jungkook’s hand in hers, “and I have learned it. Christmas without you was so sad. I had no one to go out to all the holiday parties with.”

Jungkook shifted in the metal chair. “Look, Somin—”

“Why do you keep calling me that?” she interrupted again, and Jungkook let out a loud sigh as he tried to maintain his cool.

“Because, I’m trying to tell you that I—”

“Jungkook! Somin!”

The loud yell of the barista reading out orders cut Jungkook off for the third time, and he groaned, running his tattooed hand over his face. With a huff, he stood up, walking through the crowded cafe to get the drinks so he could just tell Somin the truth; he may have initially wanted to teach her a lesson, but he ended up being the person who learned something from it. He was in love with you; wanted to spend more holidays like the one that just passed, with you. He truly didn’t feel anything for Somin anymore, other than friendship.

While Jungkook was up, Somin noticed his bag was open, a fancy camera strap hanging out of it. It was embroidered; the phrase ‘you shine brighter than anyone’ apparent once she pulled it free from his oversized black backpack. Somin threw a glance over her shoulder at Jungkook, seeing him still busy, so she stuffed the strap into her purse. Grabbing her phone, she sent a text to Taehyung.

Jungkook set down the drinks before sitting down himself and commanding the attention of his ex. 

“Look, Somin, I just—I’m sorry.” Jungkook looked down at his hands before making eye contact with her. “I don’t see us getting back together. I—” he paused, taking a deep breath before he spoke his truth, “I’m in love with her, Minie. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I want to be happy. I want you to be happy with someone who feels about you, how I feel about her.”

Somin stared at Jungkook before she laughed. He was unsure of the emotions she was actually feeling; perplexed by her reaction to what he just told her. He didn't want to be with her anymore, and he wasn’t looking for her to beg, but he expected a little more... sadness? Push back? Once she was done laughing, she leveled her gaze at him.

“You, you’ve barely been seeing her Jungkook. How can you love her?”

Jungkook took a sip of his drink, gathering his thoughts before he answered her. The judgement that laced her tone made him angry, but he didn’t want to give Somin the upper hand. He wanted to be an adult about the situation. In retrospect, he hadn’t been honest with Somin when she first confessed to him, and you deserved for him to share that honesty now, even if it was coming 5 years later.

“I think—I think a part of me has always loved her. Since that first year. Don’t get me wrong, I think I loved you too and at some point we just… I think we just broke up and then made up too many times because it was easy… familiar. I love you Minie, and you were a huge part of my life. I’m just not IN love with you.” Jungkook leaned forward towards Somin, placing his hand over here, hoping that she would see and feel his sincerity and his benevolence. 

“Wow, I—You’re serious?” Somin’s voice was quiet as she questioned him. “I guess I didn’t think I’d be starting the new year without you.”

Jungkook watched as she slid her hand out from under his and placed it in her lap.

“Please, be happy for me Minie, and when you’re ready, I’ll be happy for you too.”

The loud chime from Somin’s phone went off. Jungkook watched as she looked at her screen, eyes growing wide.

“Shit, an emergency with Tae.” Somin looked up at Jungkook, her face soft and apologetic.

“Koo—I mean Jungkook, I was just surprised is all. I—I am happy for you and Y/N. Or, I guess it’s more like, I will be. I’m sorry, I have to run, but thank you for meeting with me.”

Somin gave him one last smile, as if showing she was throwing the towel in, before she stood up and left the cafe in a hurry. Jungkook watched her as she dashed off, disappearing down the sidewalk towards the nearest bus stop. He thought the meeting had gone well, or at least better than expected. Maybe Somin has grown up, he thought to himself, unaware of the way she made off cunningly with his gifted camera strap, using a text that confirmed the time for the next morning’s meeting with Taehyung as an excuse to escape.

——

After closing the door in Jungkook’s face, you retreated to your room, claiming that a headache was creeping in from the long train ride. Your sister nodded, engrossed in her latest K Drama. You rolled your suitcase into your room, stripped your travel clothes from your weary body, and entered your shower. 

Free to do as you pleased, with the water to cover the sound, you wept. How foolish you felt, letting Jungkook close to you once again, only to see him rush off to Somin. It was almost like what happened 5 years ago, when you had gone to his dorm room and found her confessing. Just like then, Somin was winning Jungkook; once again he had slipped through your grasp.

That night you texted Jungkook to tell him you would be going to the office early and that he needn’t pick you up.

Jungkook was relieved upon seeing your text. He had spent the better half of the evening and the morning tearing apart his apartment. He had called his parents, his brother, and overturned his luggage onto the floor. He could not find the camera strap you made him. 

He knew that he shouldn’t have taken it off the camera, but he spilled a bit of leftovers from his mom on it while on the train and removed it to make it easier to clean once he got home. 

Unfortunately, it was nowhere to be found. 

Jungkook was frantic; he knew that you made it for him that night you sat in the sewing room with your mom and sister while he was with your dad. Your mom had an embroidery machine, and so you snuck in there under the premise of bonding time and worked on it. He loved the phrase you chose for him; it reminded him of your love letter to him, the way you had written about him making you feel as beautiful as a night sky. “you looked at me as if the galaxies were reflected in my eyes...”

Dumping out his black backpack for the umpteenth time, Jungkook sifted through notebooks, film, wrappers from snacks, a small hygiene bag, and loose photos. He doesn’t know why he continued looking through the same places. It’s not there. Glancing at the clock, he realized he would be late to the Monday morning meeting. Giving up and putting everything he needed back into his bookbag, he stepped over the mess and headed out to his car.

Walking into the conference room, everyone looked tired from their holidays, but with the New Year around the corner, it was important for everyone to attend before January. SeoulM8’s comeback was fast approaching, and making sure everything was moving smoothly was imperative to whether the next holiday was spent relaxing or spent stressed out. 

Stirring your coffee, you walked through the propped open door and maneuvered your way over to where your assistants sat. Kim, the same one who brought you the tiger lillies several weeks ago, smiled at you as she slid you the stapled packet she printed out from the email.

“I think we’ve done all our parts, the photos Jeon emailed over have been approved by the boss, and we double-checked the designers they are wearing. I think all that’s left is to get final approval on the outfits for their comeback shows and interviews during comeback week.” 

You nodded, sipping the still hot coffee as Kim spoke quietly about the role you played for SeoulM8, eyes on the printed email. It didn’t help the way you could feel the mocha eyes of a certain ‘missing in action’ best friend burning into the side of your face; or the way the empty seat across from you saved for a certain ‘boyfriend’ of yours had your anxiety on edge.

With 5 minutes left until the meeting commenced, you had done a pretty good job at tuning out all of the mindless chatter around you, that is until Somin’s nasally voice interrupted your response to Kim.

“Oh, this? It’s just a little gift for JK.”

“But you broke up? He’s with Y/N now...” Hobi said, cutting off a reply from one of the assistants sitting near Somin.

“But we dated for 5 years, he’s still important to me. I think he’ll love it.” She turned her back to Hobi, who tried to make eye contact with you. You looked down at your coffee instead.

When Jimin and Taehyung walked into the room, everyone quieted down and took their seats if they weren’t already, assuming Bang PD, the head boss, would be quickly approaching behind them. Before the glass door could swing fully shut, Jungkook sprinted into the room, out of breath.

“Oh Jungkook, here!” Somin stood up, making a big show out of handing him the small gift bag that had been on the table in front of her. 

“Oh? Uh, thanks Minie.” Jungkook said, looking for the head boss. Bang PD was still missing from the room, so he grasped the colorful tissue paper from the bag and removed it in one swift pull. As the paper fluttered to the table, Jungkook’s eyes lit up as he took in the present.

“Oh my God, thank you!” Jungkook wrapped his arms around Somin in a huge hug, surprising everyone in the room watching, including you. Despite all of your negative thoughts about you and Jungkook’s future, seeing him react that way was unexpected and you felt your heart ache seeing him hold her in an embrace.

Sitting down, Jungkook turns to talk to Somin when you notice Bang PD walking down the long hallway towards the closed glass doors. 

You turned to the front of the room where SeoulM8 was seated next to the only empty chair in the room, fully intending to pay attention, but Jungkook’s movements directly across from you pulled your attention away. When you see the embroidered strap that YOU had given to him for Christmas a mere 2 days ago slide free from the bag, you see red. Before Bang PD can enter the room, you’ve already stood up. 

Both Namjoon and Jungkook look at you, followed by everyone else’s gaze; it’s too late to hide the tears that fall down your face. 

“Y/N, I can explain—” Jungkook said as you make your way around the table toward the door. He grabbed your wrist to stop you, but you pulled it from his grasp.

“Save it, Jeon. It’s over.”

You leave the meeting, walking brusquely past your boss with your head down. You type out a quick text to him as you take the elevator down, apologizing for leaving and saying that an emergency came up. Bang PD responds within a few moments.

Back in the conference room, Jungkook attempted to call you, but you sent him to voicemail twice. Giving up, he grabbed his bag, fully planning to follow you, when he saw Namjoon stand before he could. Throwing a dirty look at Jungkook, Namjoon shook his head at him before quickly following you out the door. 

You haven’t gone far, making it only to your office where you gathered up the rest of your belongings when Namjoon burst in.

“Y/N,” he sounded a little out of breath, probably from running to the elevator and then to your office, you assumed, “I—”

“Save it, Joon. You didn’t want to talk to me these past few weeks, so I don’t know why you’re here now.”

“Because I realized I love you.”

You stopped packing up your laptop, eyes slowly moving to meet his.

“What did you say?”

“I said I love you. I didn’t realize it until you started dating Jungkook, but I do.”

You shook your head back and forth, unable to hear or deal with his feelings right now.

“No, Namjoon, you don’t. You just miss Jennie.”

“Y/N, listen, I should’ve realized it was you. It’s always been you. You can’t honestly tell me that you’re in love with Jungkook?” Namjoon said this last part with contempt.

Tears fell once again, and you dropped your hands uselessly to your side.

“I do, Namjoon. I honestly love him.”

“Well, I hate to say I told you so, but-”

“Then don’t,” you voiced, cutting him off with an edge to your voice.

“You and Jungkook? Please. Anyone can see how different you are. You and me, though? We’re better for each other.”

“How different we are? Why? Am I too out of his league? Not pretty enough?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, and you know it. You guys just aren’t compatible—”

“And how the fuck would you even know?! You saw us together at what? One party? And then at work? What do you even know about our relationship, Joon?! You’ve been angry at me ever since you found out!”

“Because you and him together isn’t right! It’s supposed to be you and me!”

“Oh please, Namjoon. If Jennie hadn’t taken that Japan job and dumped you, you wouldn’t even be here right now. I wouldn’t have even crossed your mind. This is a pointless conversation.”

You walked towards the door, bag over your shoulder and laptop case in hand. Namjoon blocked the doorway, and behind him you could see nosey coworkers watching the interaction. 

“Move, Namjoon.”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“No,” you go to shoulder past him, and you were able to back him up into the common area outside of your office. He grabbed at your shoulders, holding you still. 

“Namjoon, let go of me!” At this moment you hated that you had dressed up for this meeting; a tight a-line pencil skirt and heels that don’t allow you the movement that you needed.

Before you can shimmy from his clutches, he’s leaning forward, his lips meeting yours in a kiss. In shock, you don’t move at first, not until your free hand shoved his shoulder and pushed him a step back.

“I can’t believe you.” 

The look you gave him could burn the sun, and this time you were able to push past him; the elevator getting closer and closer as you approached. You saw Jungkook, motionless, at the platform in front of the elevators; his eyes low in a glare aimed at Namjoon, who had followed you in your haste to escape.

“Hyung, you need to leave her alone.”

“Me? I’m her best friend. I would say you were her boyfriend, but we all heard her break up with you when she left the room crying.”

“That was just a misunderstanding. So like I said, leave her alone.” Jungkook stepped forward to his full height, chest to chest with his hyung, who prior to watching him force a kiss on you, he respected a lot. The tension on the floor was thick. You were mere steps from freedom, from Namjoon and Jungkook, when his words stopped you dead in your tracks. A misunderstanding? 

Did he not understand what the words ‘It’s over’ meant? That the contract, the relationship between the two of you, however real or fake, everything was null and void? 

“It wasn’t a misunderstanding, Jungkook.”

Big, confused, doe eyes turned to face you. “Y/N, please let’s just talk about th—”

“Why don’t you take your own advice and listen to her, Kook. You could never treat her how she deserves.” 

“Why don’t you go mind your own business Namjoon.” Jungkook bit back, fists clenched as he shook, holding back his anger. He just wanted to be alone to talk to you, but Namjoon was making it difficult.

“She is my business, she’s my best friend. She’s nothing to you now. Though, knowing you, that’s probably the reason she broke up with you. I bet you didn’t treat Somin right, and now you fucked up with Y/N. Can’t do anything right, can yo—”

Jungkook’s fist flew through the air before you could tell either of them to stop talking about what they don’t know. The sound of Namjoon’s jaw connecting to his fist echoed through the large room, and the crowd of bystanders yelled out in shock at watching a full on fight start in the building.

You yelled as Namjoon tackled Jungkook around his middle, tackling him to the ground before he reared back his fist to punch him back. 

“Namjoon, stop, STOP!” you yelled as Jungkook flipped Namjoon onto his back, swapping places as he took the liberty to return the blow. Putting down your laptop and bag haphazardly, you rushed closer. Leaning down, you grabbed at Jungkook’s arm that was cocked back to throw another punch, yelling his name frantically.

“Jungkook, Kookie, PLEASE STOP!”

The two men looked at your face, their chests rising and falling rapidly as they tried to catch their breath. Jungkook’s eyes were dilated. As he took in your state, he seemed to come back to his senses. He started to climb up off of where he straddled Namjoon, pinning him to the floor, his hand reaching up towards you from where he was kneeled on the ground.

“Y/N, I’m sorry baby, please just talk to me.” Jungkook’s bottom lip was split, a small bit of blood leaking from the cut. His cheekbone was red; you knew a bruise would form there. Namjoon too tried to sit up, leaning on his elbow as his split eyebrow spilled his blood down the side of his face. He too would be sporting a shiner for the next week or so. 

You almost reached for Jungkook, returned the gesture to cradle that beautiful face, but you couldn’t. Him fighting Namjoon changed nothing about the fact that Somin had the present you gave him, that she brought it to him as if she had given it to him, let alone the response he gave her when he saw it. Backing away, you almost tripped over your belongings before you thought to collect them, and then dashed into the elevator, leaving the two men bleeding on the floor as the doors shut, cutting off the view.

——

Dealing with the aftermath of the fight was not something you thought would be so difficult to do. 

Working remotely meant not being able to turn off your phone so you didn’t miss any important calls or texts. Unfortunately, it also meant you had to deal with the barrage of texts and calls from friends and co-workers wanting to know about the fight. 

According to Jimin, the only person other than Kim who you were responding to, the whole office heard about the fight. With Jin being Jungkook’s roommate, and of course being the resident gossip, news traveled fast that the two men got into a fist throwing match over you. This only had you double down on avoiding messages, calls, and not posting to social media. It was unlike you; as a fashionista who worked with models and artists like SeoulM8 and Kim Seokjin, people looked to your accounts for updates. 

Your silence was killing Jungkook, the one person who had not given up. Jungkook hated to not give people time, but he had the feeling like the more time you had, the faster you would slip from his fingertips. You stared at your phone, watching his name light up on the screen as a picture of the two of you, set as his contact photo, taunted you with memories. 

All you could do was lay there, curled up on your bed in your pajamas for the second day in a row, hating yourself. Hating the fact that you allowed yourself to break your rules, that you let Jungkook into your heart for a second time, only to watch it all come crashing down because he couldn’t let go of Somin. What did Somin have that you didn’t? How was it that she always won?

5 years ago you lost Jungkook to her, after giving him your virginity, something he knew was a big deal, as he had given his to you in exchange. And now again, you had so foolishly fallen into bed with him again, and he ran back to Somin. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? You were already blaming yourself heavy for this one. 

Another day passed before you finally pulled yourself up out of bed long enough to shower and get dressed in a different set of sweats. A knocking sound at the front door had you tense up. Luckily, your sister answered the door, able to field away anyone who wanted to see you.

Creeping silently to the door of your bedroom, you cracked it open and listened to see who was there. From the angle you could see your sister, but not who was outside, nor could they see you. The warm tone was instantly recognizable, and your eyes widened as your sister looked back at you. Shaking your head profusely, she denied entry and shut the door, walking over to you. You back away from the door, letting her in as you sit on your bed. Crossing your legs, you grabbed a stuffie and clutched it to your chest.

“Hey, can you tell me what happened? Why are you hiding out at home and not answering Jungkook’s calls? What’s going on?”

You sighed, taking a much needed breath before you recounted the whole story. You told her about the journal entries being sent out, about how Namjoon had confronted you leading to you lying and saying you were with Jungkook, who came up with the plan to fake date each other until the Somin and Namjoon issues calmed down for both of you. 

She listened intently, shocked to hear that it was all fake, and she told you as much once you finished sharing about the fight that ensued on Monday.

“Sis, that man loves you. I could see it when he came to the door. I think you should talk to him.”

“No. It’s all my fault all of this happened anyways. If I hadn’t been drunk and sent those messages out, I would have never had to lie to Namjoon and start all of this.”

Yuna squirmed in your computer chair, her mouth twisted as if holding herself back.

“Actually, you didn’t do that.”

“What are you talking about Yuna? I saw the messages. I took the photos the night before because I wanted to upload them to an online journal platform.”

She nodded her head, wringing her fingers in her hand. “I know that, but you didn’t send them… I did.”

You stared at her, anger silently rising as you waited for her to continue. 

“I waited until you got into the shower. You know I read the entry to Namjoon, and so when you got into the shower, I used your phone and sent a message to each guy who’s name was both in the book and in your phone. I wanted you to have someone, instead of always spending your evenings at home, bored.”

“Yuna, you knew that I did not want Namjoon to know, he and Jennie had just... and I was trying to protect him, do you see what this did?!” You threw the plushie at her angrily, standing abruptly.

“I can’t believe you would invade my privacy, you could have ruined my career, if one of those messages had been sent to the wrong person, god damn it Yuna! You’ve ruined my fucking life!”

Yuna was crying, but she set the stuffed bunny back on your bed gently before she got up and headed to leave your room. Pausing at the door, her hand poised on the door knob, she turned back to face you.

“I didn’t ruin your life. You finally had a life. You’re the one running away from it now.”

With those parting words, she left your room, closing the door and leaving you alone with your thoughts.

After Yuna left you, she went to her own room, where she scrolled through social media to find Jungkook. You already blamed her, though she felt like it was misplaced, but she felt like she might as well do something to help fix the situation. Finding Jungkook’s IG account from the photos you tagged him in, she followed him. When he returned the follow, she messaged him to contact her. 

It didn’t take long for him to respond, and she asked him to meet her out somewhere. Agreeing on a local park, Yuna changed her shoes and left you moping in your room, a note on the counter that she was headed out.

Sitting on the bench, it wasn’t hard to spot Jungkook. His tousled black hair peeking from under his black beanie and the familiar black jacket was easy to spot against the white snow that had recently fallen, but like a Seoul snowfall, it wouldn’t stick for long. Carrying a hot cocoa for him and herself, Yuna held it out to him before she sat down, sipping on the warm drink.

“Yuna, I will say I’m surprised you reached out to me.” Jungkook’s usually bright voice was tinged with sadness as he looked over at her.

“I have something to tell you.” Yuna started, and Jungkook’s nerves grew.

“I was the one who sent the journal entry to you. Not my sister.”

“Oh? Okay. Thank you for telling me I guess.” Jungkook took another deep pull from the drink, letting the heat fill his body as he swallowed.

“I mean, I sent it because I didn’t want her to grow old and be alone. Every night, coming home bored to drink wine with her baby sister and watch reruns on Netflix? I wanted her to fall in love. And she did. With you.”

“I don’t think so, Yuna. She wasn’t in love with me.”

“She was; she still is! She told me everything that happened. About how dating you was all fake. But I know it wasn’t. Not for her. And not for you. No one acts the way you two acted. I know my sister; when she told me what happened, I knew that she was hurt because she’s in love with you. Like, still in love with you. She just doesn’t believe you love her back.”

Yuna stared at Jungkook, watching the way her words sank in, waiting to confirm what she already knew: Jungkook was in love with you, too.

Jungkook’s voice was quiet when he finally spoke. “How do I convince her? That I love her back?” 

“I wish I knew Jungkook. I wish I knew. But if you don’t do something soon, I think you’ll lose her.”

——

Friday was New Year’s Eve, and you had to put up with Yuna running around like a lunatic cleaning the apartment to ring in the new year. You had finally resigned yourself to forgiving her for sending the journal entries. It was over and done with, and there was nothing more to do. Monday, you would be back at work like nothing happened, and didn’t want to go into the new year holding onto this year’s anger or sadness.

Yoongi, surprisingly, had reached out to you the day before about a party he was having to ring in the new year, and at first you didn’t want to go, but the longer you thought about it, you figured you should. Why spend the new year at home, where your sister would relentlessly tease you until she left. She had her own plans this year, going to a classmates to drink and watch the fireworks; so if you stayed home, you would be alone.

And you were tired of being alone. Sleeping in, you didn’t get up to join your sister in cleaning until later in the afternoon, going through your closet, bedroom, and bathroom.

You were scrubbing your shower when you heard the doorbell, but your sister, ever the nosey one, yelled that she would get it, so you continued cleaning, forgetting that someone had come to the door by the time you finished cleaning the bathroom. 

When you finally stopped cleaning for the day, it was close to 9 PM, so you decided to get ready for the night out at Yoongi and Hobi’s place. After about an hour and a half, you were dressed, makeup done, and ready for the party. You ventured out of your room, noticing a large blue hatbox on the kitchen counter.

“Yuna! What’s this blue box?” you yelled, and her reply carried from down the hall.

“A delivery, for you, from earlier!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you grumbled, cursing your sibling as you reached to remove the lid off of it. Inside was what looked like a photobook, a beautiful ombre of pinks and purples decorating the cover. Removing it from the box, you flip it open, noticing right away the neat handwriting that could only belong to one person. 

Sighing, you carry it to the couch, where you read the inscription he penned inside. 

“Right at this moment, I think of you.” 

Flipping through the pages, you see he’s created a scrapbook of the past month spent together. Pictures of the two of you at work, the park, each other’s places, and visiting each other’s families. Pictures of you sleeping in his arms, candids where you aren’t even aware of him taking the photos.

Each photo is vibrant, in his style of catching the light just right as it caresses your face, and you’ve never seen yourself look so beautiful. He’s scribbled little notes here and there, of what he noticed or what was happening when he snapped the camera, and you can’t help but blush when you see a photo in there of you after the two of you had sex. 

“I reach out my hand, and feel your breath. With eyes closed, before we know it, we’re together.”

Your fingers trace over the photo, where Jungkook’s face is, looking at you so lovingly as you sleep on his chest, the bed sheets from his childhood bedroom covering you both strategically so nothing indecent shows. 

The last page has a handwritten letter, not unlike the one you wrote for him all those years ago, with a tiger lily pressed inside. You looked up the meaning of the flower earlier in the day when you found the large vase while cleaning. Please love me. With shaky hands, you held the photobook and began to read.

Y/N, 

5 years ago, you thought you were in love. I can tell you with certainty that 5 years later I pray that you are, because I am so in love with you. The way you see me, I don’t think I’ve ever been seen before. My whole life I’ve been behind the camera capturing others. And somehow you have taken the camera from me and now I’m the one being captured and seen. And I love it. You make me feel like I’m not just made up of the same ingredients that make up the stars in the sky, you make me feel like the very galaxy reflected in your eyes when you look at me. You’re beautiful, and I, Jeon Jungkook, am so in love with you. When I say I’ve always loved you, that there is no start, so there can be no end: we are fated—destined; you are mine as much as I am yours. These photos are only a fraction of the way I see you, the many shades that make up who you are, how could I ever capture them all? Please know, I want to spend the rest of time trying. So in case you didn’t see it, or weren’t sure: I love you. I want to be with you. No contracts, just you, wholeheartedly as mine, and me as yours.

——

It was nearing 11 when you reached Yoongi and Hobi’s house, leaving the Uber driver with a confused look at the way you dashed out of his car. You could care less; the man you were in love with was inside that house, right now, and you would be damned to let him get away again.

Pushing through the crowd of bodies, you looked side to side, searching for the familiar black tresses, ears straining to hear his musical laugh or catch someone saying his name. Entering the living room, your eyes fell on the beer pong table, where Jimin and Taehyung were playing against Yoongi and Hobi. 

Destination set on getting to that table, you wade through the throng of people with the obligatory happy new year. Some attempted to stop to ask you how you’ve been, fill you in on the latest office gossip, or inquire about the exact relationship status of Jungkook. Those in the latter category were met with major side-eye. Plastering a fake smile on your face each time, you finally shake the last of them, jogging the last few steps until your right on the edge of the game.

“Y/N! Glad to see you!” Hobi was his typical cheerful self, greeting you with his signature smile as he watched Taehyung try and line up his shot in the cups Yoongi just re-racked.

“Hey Hobi, Happy almost New Year! Have you seen Jungkook?” you asked, skipping straight to the point.

“Um, yea, he came by earlier to drop off a few kegs for us, helped us move the furniture, but he went home. Said he wasn’t really feeling like celebrating.”

Yoongi, who had just grabbed the ping pong balls before they bounced off the table, handed one to Hobi as he gave you a pointed look.

“Yea, looked pretty heartbroken all week, if you ask me.”

“Well, no one did Yoongi. Give her a break,” Hobi answered before turning to you, “he’s probably at home. You can get there before midnight if you get an Uber quick.”

Thanking him, you threw your arms around him and Yoongi in a shared hug before waving to the other two on the far side of the table. You had someplace to be.

Outside in the quiet, you requested an Uber, happy to see one not even 2 minutes away. Thankfully, Jungkook only lived 10 minutes or so from the guys. You hoped traffic would be on your side. You knew you were cutting it close; 11:30 was approaching fast.

The ride to Jungkook’s apartment gave you too much time to think. Those 15 minutes (thanks drunk pedestrians) on the car ride over allowed the nerves to settle in, along with the doubt and fears. What if he didn’t feel that way about you anymore? What if he just wanted to bring you the photobook as a goodbye?

Shaking the thought from your head, you took a deep breath before you climbed out of the car and into the hushed cold of the last day of December. You had never shown up to his place unannounced like this, so used to trailing him into his apartment. The closed door was daunting to you, but you didn’t have much time now.

Knocking louder than you needed to due to those pesky butterflies in your stomach, what feels like an hour is only 10 seconds or so until Jungkook is standing before you. 

“Hi,” you said, breathless from the cold and from the sight of him after so many days apart.

“Hi,” he responded, looking just as mesmerized to see you at his doorstep, “uh, wanna come in?” Jungkook took a step back, giving you space to come in and you stepped forward into the welcomed warmth of his home.

The scene before you is not what you were expecting. Jungkook had been sitting in the dark, a half eaten pizza and a beer bottle on the coffee table, with his favorite blue and grey plaid blanket haphazardly cast aside on the couch; most likely from when he stood to welcome you.

Shucking off your boots, you walked into the living room, Jungkook silently trailing you.

“I—I’ve missed you.” His voice is low, as if afraid he would spook you.

“I’ve missed you too.” You turned to face him, the light from the paused Netflix show reflecting in his beautiful orbs. You took in his face, split lip mostly healed and the bruise faded along his cheek.

“I got your gift.”

“I’m glad.”

The conversation between the two of you was static, neither sure of what to do. The silence ticked on for a few more seconds before you decided to stop being a pussy.

“Did you mean it? What you said?”

“Of course I did.”

“I’m glad,” you repeated his earlier phrase, stepping closer to him. You placed your hands on his chest, solid muscles reacting to your touch as he subconsciously flexed them. “Because I love you, too.”

Rising on your tippy toes, you pressed your lips to his, your body relaxing when you heard the sigh he let out from the contact. His hands pulled you closer, deft fingers gripping you in all the right places as he deepened the kiss. He tasted faintly of pizza and beer, and smelled so strongly of his vanilla musk. You couldn’t believe how much he felt like home to you. Being in his arms felt right. 

Bending slightly, Jungkook wrapped his arms under your thighs and lifted you up, never breaking the kiss. Hoisting you up, he carried you down the hall to his room, foot kicking the door shut behind him. So turned on by his show of strength, you rolled your hips down onto what was his growing length, seeking any friction that would help ease the ache between your thighs. 

Letting out a groan, Jungkook’s hands guided your hips roughly to where he wanted you, lining up your sweet spot so you could grind on him better. Licking into his mouth, your hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. A slight tug exposed more of his neck, where you planted markers of your territory as you continued rolling your hips in time to his movements. 

“I want you.” The whispered words went straight to your core; hearing Jungkook’s voice break with need, need for you—you couldn’t get out of your clothes fast enough.

“Bed. Now.” You demand, and he laughs as he follows your directives, setting you down once he approached the edge of his queen sized mattress. You tug your jacket off, tossing it to the foot of his bed before peeling your shirt up over your head to reveal your bra to him. He doesn’t get to look too long; you’ve gripped the waistband of his grey sweatpants and pulled them low enough to free him from it’s confines. His cock sprung free, and, licking your lips, you switch positions with him. 

With his back to the bed, you pushed him down, and he went easily. Pressing your hand to his chest, you lay him back as you bend at the waist, bringing your mouth to his leaking head. You lick the bottom of his shaft up to the slit, collecting the pre-cum with the tip of your tongue before you take the head into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the sensitive tip. Under your hand, you feel his abdominal muscles contract as he lets out a moan letting you know how good you feel as you take him farther into your mouth. 

Speeding your ministrations, you hollow your cheeks as you slurp around the head, using your hands to massage the dripping spit along the exposed skin you can’t reach. His hands grip your hair creating a makeshift ponytail to keep it out of your face so he can watch you. And wow, does he love the sight of your lips wrapped around his cock, innocent eyes blinking coyly up at him while your mouth is stretched around him. Keep it up and he could cum too quickly in your mouth.

When your free hand traveled to his scrotum, he jumped, feeling an overwhelming sense of pleasure as his sack tensed up.

“Wait, baby, I don’t want to cum yet.” Jungkook panted, and you pop off of him with a lewd sound that filled the quiet of his room.

Tugging you towards him, he scooted back on the bed until his head was flush with the headboard. 

“Strip for me,” he urged, and you did, undoing the button on your jeans and sliding them down until you were naked from the waist down. His eyes stared pointedly at your chest and you unclasped your bra, adding it to the growing pile of clothes the two of you had made. Watching as he shed his shirt before laying back fully, kicking his sweats free from his body, you climbed onto the bed, and he directed you farther up his body until he could maneuver your thighs to either side of his face. 

“Jungkook—”

“I’ve wanted you like this for so long, baby, please.”

Giggling softly, you lowered yourself slowly and he wound his arms around your thighs until his palms were wrestling lightly on them. The slow caress as he drew patterns on your skin matched the same pattern he drew with his tongue, you realized once he had you fully seated. Gripping the headboard, you threw your head back, rolling your hips as his lips and tongue ravaged you, the sexual sounds of him eating you out creating more for him to drink down. 

Curving your back to make you hunch forward, you adjust as the pleasure builds and you see his eyes, those bright galaxies staring at you as he pleasured you to climax and you tensed as the coil in your abdomen snapped, a mix of curse words and his name pouring from your lips as he worked you through it.

Placing your hands on his sweat laced forehead, you pushed to try and pull away from the overstimulation as he let out a laugh.

Scooting yourself down his body once he released you, you fell back and to the side of his muscular thighs, trying to catch your breath. You feel him moving, a low chuckle released as his hands grasped your wrists. Pulling you up, you see he’s now seated flush to the headboard, back against the soft grey padding. He guides your hips so that you straddle him, sitting your still sopping wet cunt onto his cock. Pressed against his stomach, he can feel the warmth emanating from your opening, and groaned, wanting to be inside of you.

Pressing his forehead to yours, his eyes meet yours as he intertwines your fingers before resting your interlocked hands behind your back at the curve of your ass.

“I love you.” His voice is strong, sure and confident in the words he says as he bares more than just his body before you. “I wanted you so badly back then, I want you even more now.” He presses a kiss to your lips, causing you to grind down on him. 

He kisses down your neck, hands still holding you in position over him. “Want to be inside of you, baby.” He nips at your neck, making you gasp, and when you rock forward, he’s rocking his hips down. 

The head of his cock presses against your core, and you settle back onto it, walls stretching to accommodate his girth. The two of you move in tandem, lips once again reunited in a raunchy kiss that only serves to turn you on more, sending enough slick between your lower lips to allow him to slip further into you until he’s bottomed out, a snug fit as the tip of his cock kisses your cervix. 

Releasing your hands, his large palms hold your back to pull you closer to him as you swivel your hips, rocking so the shaft slips in and out of you in short bounces. You rock, arms wrapped lazily around his neck as you play with the wet locks of hair as you ride him at your leisure, just enjoying the feel of your bodies connected as one. Chest to chest, you can feel the speed of his heart beat; it matches your own. 

“Can I go faster?” you asked, not wanting to go at a pace he wasn’t comfortable with.

“You can use me however you want, baby,” he replied, eyebrow cocked smugly as he gripped your waist tighter, “but please tell me I can cum inside.”

Nodding as you sped up, you bounced with more friction, his pelvic bone rubbing against your clit as you chased your high, fucking yourself on his formiddable cock.

“That’s it, fuck, baby, right there—” Jungkook’s moans, musical as he egged you on, brought you to your peak for the second time that night. Your walls clenched around him, and as your body froze, he took advantage of the moment to shift your bodies so you were on your back with your head to the foot of the bed. Bracing his feet on edge where his mattress met the headboard, he began to piston his hips into you, chasing his own high.

“Fuck, Jungkook, I’m gonna—again—” You can barely get the words out when your third orgasm is crashing around you, legs shaking from where they’re wrapped tightly around his narrow hips. Your release makes it wetter, and your swollen walls ache to feel his cum fill you.

“Gonna fill you up so good, baby, fuck a—baby into you, fuck, I want to see you carry my—my kid,” Jungkook’s cock is drowning in your essence, and hearing him talk about kids with you causes you to tighten around him, and he’s cumming, long ropes of his hot cum filling you until it’s seeping out around him as he continues to thrust indiscriminately, velvet muscle milking him dry.

Laying skin to skin in his bed, you laugh as the alarm clock numbers alert you to the fact that you had missed the New Year by 38 minutes. 

“What’s so funny?” Jungkook asked, eyes alight as he takes in your smile. 

“We missed New Year’s.”

“We didn’t miss it, we were simply enjoying our New Year’s kiss for longer than most.” He quipped back, fingers tracing patterns along your back. Your own nails were lightly scratching shapes into his chest as you rested your head on his shoulder. You spent the next 20 minutes of the first hour of the new year listening to him explain what happened with the camera strap, though you had already forgiven the incident. 

He wasn’t sure how Somin had the camera strap, though he suspected she stole it from his bag at the cafe. Jungkook told you about the meeting, how it helped him see that you weren’t a rebound; he was in love with you and while it was obvious to him, a part of him wanted to be sure before confessing to you. He didn’t want you to think he was rushing into things to get over his ex. He also apologized for fighting Namjoon, saying he was worried that seeing him fight would change how you viewed him, change his chances of being with you, this time for real.

“I love you, Jungkook, in case you didn’t know.”

“I love you too, in case you didn’t know.” 

“Hmm, but, I think we need to talk about children though, I think it’s a little too soon, despite our parents' ideas.” You giggled, and his cheeks turned red in embarrassment.

“It was just sex talk, we’re still just practicing, okay?”

Stretching, you roll away from his body, and he follows your body heat subconsciously, his body not wanting you far from him after almost a week of radio silence. 

“Hey, get back here, you’re mine.”

“Oh am I?” you teased, staying just out of his reach.

He pouted, accent slipping out as he moved closer to your retreating body.

“Yes, you’re mine, no rules, no contracts; just mine.”

“ ‘m all yours, baby,” you mumbled as you rubbed your nose to his in an eskimo kiss as he gathered you up in his arms, “and you’re mine.”

UPDATE (5.18.21): 1st Prologue is Out Now!

BTW, ily ⟢ summary: Taking place in the To All the Men I’ve Fucked Before (TATMIFB) AU, this pre-story is the backstory to you and Namjoon’s friendship. A year after losing your virginity to Jungkook, you meet Namjoon, who becomes your best friend… and who you want so much more with. Before you and Jungkook get it together in To All the Men I’ve Loved Before, there was BTW, ily.

Thank you all so much for reading! I plan on doing an epilogue and some drabbles to get more insight into the pasts of these characters! I love them so much, I don’t think I am ready to let go. The masterlist will be updated as more are added! TATMIFB Masterlist

↣ all rights reserved © hisunshiine 2021. please do not repost. translations & modifications are not allowed.

[writertitan]

Midnight

pairing: eren x reader

themes: modern au, new year’s eve, angsty if you squint

A chorus of cheers erupted almost as soon as you crossed the threshold of Sasha’s home, though from the clinks and clatters of glass and the smell of bourbon, you could tell that the cheers were in celebration of something other than your unnoticed arrival.  

“Welcome!” Sasha greeted you with a warm smile and bright eyes, tugging you further into her equally warm and bright house, where everyone was already a little tipsy, a little rowdy. You didn’t want to look visibly nervous, but there you were, shoulders up to your ears and eyes shifting back and forth, looking for that mess of dark hair, those green eyes that pierced through you and everyone else. You nearly jumped when Sasha’s whisper danced into your ear. “Don’t worry, he’s not here and I don’t think he’ll show up.” 

“I wasn’t looking for him,” you mumbled, a little indignant, and then rolled your eyes when you saw Sasha’s knowing smirk. “I just don’t want things to be awkward, Sasha. It’s been months since we’ve even seen each other, let alone been in the same space all night. I guess I’m just...a little worried. Well, I was. Are you sure he’s not coming?” 

“Doubt it,” she says, that smirk still plastered on her face. “Why? Does that make you saaaad?” 

“Shut up,” you groaned, but you yanked on her ponytail playfully to let her know you weren’t upset as you walked past her, ready to pour some bourbon for yourself to ease your nerves. 

I’ll have to catch up, you thought to yourself with a grin as Connie raised his half-full glass to your full one, a silly laugh escaping him as you clink your glass to his. 

“Happy new year! Almost!” he nearly shouted before downing the last of his drink in a swift gulp. You tried to follow his pace, always competitive with him, but ended up coughing up some bourbon. Connie laughed instantly, and you could faintly hear Jean laughing as well, which made you glare at the two of them through watered-up eyes, stinging from the liquor. 

“Loser, can’t even hold your bourbon in and you just barely showed up!” Jean laughed, wiggling his almost empty cup in your face, as if to show off his own progress. 

Instead of verbally retaliating, you took another sip and spat it out at him, bursting out into laughter this time with the shout of surprise that came out of his mouth. 

“When are you gonna learn to leave me alone, huh?” you said, snickering and secretly giving Connie a high-five. Evidently, you weren’t going to be needing to drink too much to calm your nerves. You downed the rest of your drink anyway, mostly to piss Jean off and show Connie your two-person drinking game was on. With each drained glass, you felt yourself get looser and warmer, felt the world get a little whirlier, and you found yourself even looking forward to the new year, despite having to leave some things -- and some people -- behind. 

No, you promised yourself you wouldn’t think about that, you thought to yourself again, shaking your head as if to shake the thoughts out. Unfortunately, the shaking made things go a little dizzy, and you bumped into a table to steady yourself. 

“Ugh,” you groaned, setting down your glass and rubbing your forehead. All this drinking was going to be a bitch in the morning, and the discomfort of your intoxication was already getting to you. Even steadying yourself on the table the dizziness didn’t let up, the whirling didn’t stop, and the alcohol churned in your body, that familiar nausea finally surfacing. 

“Oh shit, she’s gonna blow.” 

Whoever had said that should have counted their lucky stars you were too drunk to do anything but stumble to Sasha’s bathroom, but you figured it was stupid Connie, eager to win your drinking game yet again. You shut the bathroom door behind you and took a deep breath, kneeling in front of the toilet and leaning onto your side to use the wall as support, your cheek hitting its cool surface. You didn’t actually think you were going to throw up, but you’d been wrong about these things before, and it was better to be safe than sorry. A knock at the door made you snap your head over too quickly, the dizziness almost being the catalyst for that awful nausea to finally bubble over into the toilet, but you kept your composure. You heard your name being called on the other side of the door, and something about the voice seemed familiar…

“Hold on,” you slurred, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. I won’t puke, I’m not gonna puke, nope, nope, nope…

Your name was called again, this time clearer and more easily heard above the reverberating music and chatter of everyone else still partying. “C’mon, open the door.” You didn’t answer, finally recognizing the voice, your heart stuttering and fighting in your ribcage. No way. “Alright, since you’re not answering, I’m coming in.”

“No!” But it was too late. Your vision swam as Eren’s figure stepped into the cramped bathroom with you, quietly shutting the door behind him before kneeling in front of you. If you didn’t know any better, you could have sworn that his eyes were clouded with concern for you. But you did know better. 

“Jesus, are you okay?” he whispered, careful to keep his voice low. 

“What are you doing here? Sasha said you weren’t coming!” you whined, slumping over the toilet. You flinched when you felt a warm hand on your back, and when he registered the flinch, he promptly pulled his hand away. You didn’t know which action hurt you more. 

“Changed my mind,” Eren answered simply. You could almost hear the casual shrug of his shoulders. 

You said nothing, squeezing your eyes shut and willing this to be a nasty dream. The booze had loosened you up and made you forget about Eren for the night, comforted in the thought of him not showing up. Now it was coaxing out your fears and your innermost conflicts. Drunk you wanted to lash out, to bring up those painful topics, but the tiniest sliver of the sober you was still screaming and fighting for your silence. It worked; Eren waited for you to speak, to say something, anything, but spoke up again when he realized you wouldn’t. 

“I’m probably the last person you want to be around, but just let me stay and make sure you don’t choke on your own puke,” he mumbled. The words made you sit up again and glare at him, though the glassy look in your eyes didn’t do well to intimidate him. In fact, it made him smile at you. “What, you think I don’t remember how you get when you drink too much? I’m surprised you haven’t been barfing your guts out this entire time.” 

“I’m not going to barf,” you growled, trying feebly to kick him away. Was the alcohol fucking you up even more than it already had? You felt more intoxicated now. Your senses were going wild and you felt bleary, heavy, like your center of gravity was changing, like your orbit was off. Instead of being focused at your core, it had seeped out elsewhere, making you lean away from the wall and closer to...

No. Drunk you was going to be the death of sober you. 

“Eren, I’m fine. Go have fun,” you whispered, not daring to look at him. In fact, you hadn’t looked directly at him this whole time. You recoiled from him and slumped against the wall, finally chancing a look his way. 

He was beautiful. Always beautiful, but especially tonight. He hadn’t given a damn about dressing up like everyone else, which was classic Eren, and that’s what made him look perfect. The careless bun at the nape of his neck, the ripped jeans, his favorite tattered sweatshirt with his band’s name stamped on it. Purposefully unkempt, as you’d often told him in the past. The past...where you’d once been together. 

“It’s not much better out there. I saw you run in here when I was walking in and wanted to make sure you were doing better than Connie. He’s outside throwing up over the porch, and don’t even get me started on Sasha,” Eren said, rolling his eyes. His gaze was gentle when he looked back at you. “I’ll have a better time in here with you.” 

Your breath hitched at the words. This wasn’t actually happening. You weren’t going to let yourself believe it. 

“You don’t have to be nice to me. I don’t know why you’re being so nice to me,” you blurted out. Finally, the words that had been dying to come out. Drunk you was absolutely going to be the death of sober you.

This made Eren speechless, for once. His eyes widened for a moment and you could tell the wheels were turning in his head.

“You’re too wasted for me to have an actual conversation with you,” he decided with a sigh, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear. Both of you remembered at that moment when it was you fixing his hair, pushing it out of his face. 

“Am not!” you tried to argue, flinging the nostalgia away and replacing it with your haughty attitude. Eren remembered that too well, the attitude always coming out after too many drinks. “If you have something to say to me, I suggest you say it.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

The words hung in the air between you. Two throats choked up, two pairs of eyes locked, and two hearts ached and called out for each other. 

Your bottom lip trembled when the shame overcame you, pushing you back against the wall to put distance between yourself and Eren. All those months of being good, of avoiding him, of blocking him everywhere, of doing everything to keep moving on...it couldn’t crumble like this. 

“Why did you do it?” you asked meekly, praying the tears that burned your eyes would go away. You looked at your lap, feeling dead sober now. 

Eren didn’t know how to answer the question. How could he tell you that he had done it to save you from the heaviness in him after everything that had happened with his family? He was broken and refused to drag you down with him. He wasn’t good enough. He had needed to find the strength to get better without you, because that wasn’t fair to you to have to shoulder the burden. He’d never ask that of you. 

And now you were in front of him, but you were too drunk to comprehend anything he’d try to voice out. 

“I didn’t do it because I stopped...loving you,” was all he could say, “I just thought that hurting you like that was better than hurting you like I would have if I’d been selfish enough to put you through all my heavy shit. And when I realized you had cut me off and that you were avoiding me, I wanted to give you space.” 

You began to speak, reaching out for him, a blaze of fire in your eyes, and Eren knew what was coming. He stopped you by cupping his hand over your mouth, chuckling when you froze in surprise. 

“If I promise I’ll be right there next to you tomorrow morning so we can talk, will you promise to wait to yell at me until then?” he whispered. 

You slumped your shoulders in silent resignation and nodded, the feeling of his touch overwhelming your senses. You had missed him. Even just the playful touch of his hand on your mouth to silence you was enough to make your body heat up. When he took it away, you felt cold. 

“There’s just about two minutes left until midnight…” Eren started, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. His gaze was averted, but you saw the way he kept looking at you out of the corner of his eye as you both got up, him helping you get back on your feet. 

You smiled and tried to fight the blush that crept onto your cheeks as your hand found his, the warmth spreading over you again when he squeezed your fingers. Neither of you let go. 

“You’re not gonna make me start the new year alone, are you?” you teased him, and the familiar glint in those green eyes made your heart swell. 

“You’re not gonna puke on me, right?” he countered, laughing quietly when you hit his chest. He let you lean on him for support after sitting down for so long, but you refused to believe you were still a little tipsy. Walking out of the bathroom, your eyes blinked to adjust from the difference of lighting from the harsh fluorescents of the bathroom to the dim fairy lights adorning the hallway. 

“There’s gonna be fireworks outside at midnight. Wanna watch with me?” you asked, fighting back the shyness that made you fumble your words. Eren nodded almost immediately, an arm locked around your waist as you guided him to Sasha’s bedroom where all the coats were sprawled out on her bed. The lights were off but you didn’t turn them on, in too much of a hurry and too distracted by Eren’s presence behind you. You grabbed which one you thought was yours and started pulling it on, but perked up with Eren when the drunken chorus of your friends’ voices rang out. 

“TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN…”

You didn’t want to leave Eren behind. You wanted him next to you when the morning rose for the first day of a new year. You wanted to get closer and closer to him as your friends counted down the seconds from the living room. You wanted your lips on his at midnight. 

He wanted the same. 

His breath was warm on your face as you pressed up against him, the familiarity of your stance no longer bruising your heart, but balming it. Your hands were on his shoulders, fingers dancing up to caress his jaw, to subtly pull his face closer to yours. His hands glided down your sides until they found their favorite place at the small of your back. Your noses touched and he nudged yours playfully with his to get a smile out of you, your hearts both beating frantically. Even in the dark, hardly any light coming in, your bodies had found each other naturally, like nothing had changed. 

“TWO, ONE...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” 

You could hear phone alarms going off, then fireworks, as your lips pressed to Eren’s. It wasn’t the booze making you feel lightheaded anymore. It was the softness of the boy’s lips, and the way he automatically pulled you in closer. The hair that had fallen out of his bun tickled your face and made you smile into the kiss, which made him mirror your actions. The fireworks outside boomed and crackled as Eren deepened your kiss, a hand moving up to cup your cheek gingerly. Your hands moved to push his hair away from his face, an action that was so familiar to the both of you that it left both of you breathless, and only then did you pull away from the kiss. 

“Happy new year,” you whispered in his ear, a dreamy smile playing on your lips as Eren’s continued to find your skin, not even close to being done kissing you. He wanted to memorize every inch of you all over again. The curve of your neck, the softness of your cheek, the tip of your nose. How he’d survived all this time without you was a fluke, a stroke of luck. It was impossible to go another day without at least seeing your face. He’d needed to see you and he was glad he’d come even if just out of hope that you might have been at the party too. 

“Happy new year,” Eren whispered into the crook of your neck, your name mumbled into your skin. When you both eventually pulled away from each other, he took your hand in his to guide you out, mumbling something about not wanting to miss the fireworks. You knew that him proudly holding your hand in front of your friends may have been a contributing factor in rushing you out. 

“Hey,” you said as you made your way to the front door, a devilish grin on your lips. “Did you say that Connie was losing it on the porch?” 

Eren nodded with a roll of his eyes, pulling you into his side. “Yep. Careful, his splash zone’s pretty gnarly.” 

You laughed loudly, almost a cackle, a glint in your eye as you tugged Eren outside with you. Connie was still slumped over the porch railing, looking delirious. 

“Hey, Connie! I won this time! And you say you can always drink me under the table, but I didn’t even throw up!” 

“Shut the hell up or else I’ll puke all over you.” 

“Whatever. Happy new year! Wait, is that Sasha eating snow?”

[suchalonelysunflower]

You Broke Me First (C.H)

Pairing: former FWB!Calum X Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: Based on the song “You Broke Me First” by Tate McRae. You are trying to forget about the man who broke your heart, so it’s a surprise when his name appears on your phone again.

Warnings: Angst af. Language. Mild Smut. Mentions of Alcohol and cheating. Probably one or two grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 5K

Author’s Note: Requested by the lovely @thebasicbitch-things ✨ I loved writing this piece, maybe because I love the song so much, so thank you for requesting it and I hope I made it justice 💕. Feedback, reblogs and comments are always welcome and appreciated it! You can read my other works HERE. Happy reading! 🦋

@thebasicbitch-things : Can you write a Calum imagine based off the song You Broke me first by Tate McRae?? Like I’m just in a weeping mood. Thank you xxx

Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself

But you shoulda told me that you were thinkin' 'bout someone else

You're drunk at a party or maybe it's just that your car broke down

Your phone's been off for a couple months, so you're calling me now

The liquid burns your throat, but you don’t really feel it anymore. When the heat starts spreading around the rest of your body is when you know you need another one. And another one. And another one. Anything to keep him from your mind.

It’s ironic how the memory of him still lingers on, even more with every drink you drown. Well, it’s not so ironic as it is shitty. But it’s at times like this, when you’re at a random club in the middle of the night surrounded by strangers trying to create stories of their own while all you want to do is forget, that the only thing your mind can focus on is him.

A year ago:

“Babe?” You heard his voice as he exited the bathroom. Still shirtless and with his boxers on, hanging loosely “Are you okay?”

You sat down on the bed, your naked skin barely covered by the messy sheets “Mhmm” you mumbled, still zooned out in your own thoughts and worries as you saw Calum grab his shirt and jeans from the floor.

It was always the same. He would call or text, you would meet with any excuse, hang out for a while before moving to the bedroom. The same old story of friends who fuck each other, with the same old ending every night: you in your bed watching him get dressed and close the door on his way out.

“Do you really have to leave?” You asked, already knowing the answer.

“I have to”

“No, you don’t have to”

“Y/N…”

You hated that condescending tone. Not only that, but you hated yourself, too. You and this whole messy situation you got yourself into. You didn’t know how bad of an idea it was to accept his proposal of friends with benefits when you already had feelings for him. But who could say no to Calum Hood? Especially with the hopes of becoming something more along the way.

At the beginning it was all you could dream of. The night seemed endless when he hold you close to him, breathing the same air as your bodies collided with each other, creating messes as you explored every inch of skin you had to offer, seeing stars explode with every right touch, hearing each other’s names like prayers coming from your parting lips. It was almost like you couldn’t get enough, almost.

“What? God, Calum, would it kill you to stay the night just once? Would it ruin your reputation of a heartthrob batchellor?”

“What has gotten into you?” He asked in confusion at your sudden outburst “You know the rules of this”

“Oh, the rules. Fuck them”

The rules were simple: Never overstaying, no exclusivity, don’t let others find out, never do anything public… but most importantly: Never fall in love. You had agree to that once, but most certainly broken almost every rule. You’ve fallen in love with him.

“Y/N…”

“It hurts, Calum” You said with glossy eyes “It hurts when you leave, and I- I can’t watch you do that anymore”

Calum’s eyes soften a bit. Debating whether or not he should stay. But after a pleading “Please” from your lips he caved in, laying down on the bed next to you, pulling you closer to him.

You smiled, allowing yourself to drift away in dreams and hopes of him laying next to you for the rest of your lives. Little did you know that those dreams were to be crushed next morning when you find an empty bed and a note with a little ‘sorry’ scribbled on it.

That was the first nights of many where he would lay down with you. Sometimes he would stay till morning and share a cup of coffee with you at breakfast. Other times he would disappear as a ghost in the middle of the night, only leaving the marks on your body as proof of his presence. It hurted, but at least you didn’t watch him walk away. You never watched as he did.

Took a while, was in denial when I first heard

That you moved on quicker than I could've ever, you know that hurt

Swear for a while I would stare at my phone just to see your name

But now that it's there, I don't really know what to say

You feel your friend’s grasp on your arm as they drag you down to the dance floor. Pulling you away from your own pity party as you watch how they sway to the beat of a song you’ve never heard of, soon joining them with the alcohol in your veins rushing towards your brain and taking control of your every move. ‘Tonight is not about Calum’ you tell yourself as you let the music take you away, already feeling the effects of the one too many shots you did earlier. But some things are easier said than done.

It’s funny, how after so many months of not seeing each other you can still feel him in your skin. You memorized the way his hands wrapped around your waist and the smell of his cologne. You could still feel his breath on your neck, the burning kisses he used to leave and the whispers that got lost inside a dream. Even now that you are dancing along to an ear shattering beat, the rhythm of your heart still beats and longs for him.

You can feel yourself in the dire need of another drink, desperate to push those memories away and cleanse yourself from his touch once and for all. You don’t care how many nights it would take, how many people or how many hangovers. You are determined to get that boy out of your system, where he won’t hurt you anymore.

“Y/N!” Your friend yells over the music, gesturing towards your hand “Your phone is glowing!”

You bring your phone to your face, trying to focus on the image that’s plastered across the screen. A name pops up, a name you haven’t seen in so long.

Muttering an “Oh fuck” you press ‘decline’ over and over again, until Calum stopped calling.

Seven months ago:

It’s been two weeks since you last heard from him. It’s been two weeks since he left you alone in a fuzz. It’s been two weeks since he slammed the door and he still hasn’t called.

Maybe he was right and you fucked everything up. But you were sure of your words, you know there’s truth to them, so you stan by them. He will soon realize his mistake, he has to. He wouldn’t leave you like that, would he? He must know he hurt you, he must. The words he said… they are like tattoos on your mind, they don’t seem to fade with time. But you knew it wasn’t entirely your fault. You were as guilty as he was.

For the past two weeks you’ve been glued to your screen, hoping for his name to appear. Taping your screen randomly to see if you’ve gotten a text or a call or a dm or even a fucking email. But nothing ever came.

It wasn’t until you were scrolling down Twitter that you saw it.

It was a paparazzi photo, he was wearing a classic tee and the sweatpants you once told him were your favorite on him. His hair was longer, or at least it seemed like it, his eyes avoiding the cameras as he walked through the busy streets of LA as he normally would. The only difference is the hand that was holding his.

A lump formed in your throat as you opened the tweet to find a thread of even more pictures of him with the mysterious person, grabbing them by the waist and smiling as they came closer. The paparazzi seemed to catch every single intimate moment he was able to show in public, much more than he ever showed you when you were both out and sober, at least. But Calum seemed happy, and that hurt you the most.

A thousand questions ran through your head as you ignored the happy tweets from fans celebrating that his favorite band member finally got a significant other. How long has this been going on? Did he ever tell you about it? You never claim exclusivity, so it could’ve had happen when you were still ��together’, meaning he choose them. He left you and chose them, replacing you and everything you didn’t get to have without even saying goodbye.

Swallowing the bitterness of the memory with a shot of tequila, you press decline once again and order another drink. What would you say to him anyway? Would you curse him? Would you kiss him? Would he even apologize or pretend that it never happened? The truth is, you don’t even want to know.

You catch some flirty eyes from across the bar, but you ignore them as you try to collect your thoughts on this whole situation, and besides, don’t need another heartbreak at the moment.

“That guy hasn’t taken his eyes off you since he came in” Said the bartender, pouring you another drink.

You lift your gaze towards ’pretty eyes’ over the bar, but he already seemed to have lost interest in you as his eyes scattered all over the room, looking for another person to spend his time with.

“Doesn’t seem like it” You nod toward the other end of the bar.

“What? No, not him. Him!”

They point behind you and you turn around quickly, a pretty bad idea considering how drunk you are at the moment. But wasted or not, you would recognize those eyes anywhere.

Calum is standing in the middle of a sea of people, but his eyes are solemnly focusing on you as he raises his phone to his ear, raising his eyebrows as he hears the dial tone. Almost immediately, your phone starts ringing next to you with the all too familiar name popping out again.

Without breaking eye contact, you press decline once again, standing up quickly as you start to walk up to the nearest exit, trying to get away from him as fast as you could. ‘Tonight is not about Calum’ you told yourself earlier that night, and yet there he was, pushing his way through a drunk crowd to get towards you.

“Y/N!” You hear him call, but you are not stopping. You don’t need this confrontation right now. You don’t want to see him or talk to him. You want to forget him and everything you ever did.

Feeling like your chest is going to explode at any second, you accelerated your pace, not caring how many people you have to push to get to the door as long as he doesn’t find you. Your legs, however, had other plans as they give out due to the mix dizziness and adrenaline you were feeling, just mere meters from the exit. You curse your past self for having so many drinks as you try to get up. But, soon enough, you feel an arm rounding around your waist and pulling you to your feet.

After almost eight months you find yourself reflected in those eyes again. The same eyes that made you feel butterflies in your stomach everytime he looked your way. You couldn’t help but get drawn into them, remembering that the last time you saw them they replaced the desire with anger, shaking you to your core.

He was saying something, you were sure of it because his mouth is moving “What?!”

“I said, Why aren’t you answering your phone?!” He yelled over the music. Your drunk mind can’t decide if you want to slap him or kiss him or cry right there on the spot.

“That’s none of your business! Now please let go of me, I want to go home”

You push yourself away from his grasp “Y/N, please I need to ta-“ He interrupted himself as he watched you almost trip over your own feet again, clearly too drunk to stand straight. In a matter of seconds, he was by your side again, this time pulling your arm over his shoulders so you could lay on him “Wha- How many drinks did you have?”

“As many as I needed” You scoffed, trying to pull away, but his grip on your waist was stronger.

“For what?! Drown yourself?”

“I needed to forget you” Calum clenches his jaw, feeling like his heart was shattered into a million pieces “But that’s clearly not working, given that you are here. Would you please let me go?”

“Y/N you are too drunk to function,”

“Am not!”

“Please, let me take you home. I need to talk to you”

“Leave me alone, Calum. I don’t need you and I most definitely don’t want to talk to you”

You turn your face to him. It has been a long time since you last saw him. He has more curls now, and a little five o’clock shadow, but his yes,,, oh, his eyes. The time stops, or at least it feels like it, it was almost like the first time you saw them, magnetic and filled with something you couldn’t decipher, but now they had something different. They were hurting, pleading, almost begging you for something you didn’t quite understand at the moment, but you know you couldn’t say no to those eyes, at least not here and not in your condition.

So after making sure you could stand properly, you caved “Fine”

I know you, you're like this

When shit don't go your way you needed me to fix it

And like me, I did

But I ran out of every reason

The car ride was as silent as a tomb. The sounds of the city night and the flashing of streetlights were your only source of distraction. You looked through the window, not wanting to make any eye contact with the man that broke your heart. He, however, was anxious for you to spare a glance towards him. Calum’s fingers taped the steering wheel nervously, he wanted to fill the silence with something, anything. But his words came short as he realized that you weren’t the person he knew, you were a stranger sitting in his car. The clothes you were wearing, the state of drunkenness you were in, the anger behind your eyes and words, and the fact that you couldn’t even stan him touching you… that was not the Y/N he knew.

Once you reached the house, you didn’t even wait for him to turn the car off as you practically jumped out of the seat and went to open the door. Calum quickly following you, half of him afraid that you might hurt yourself, the other half afraid that you would lock him out.

He let out a breath of relief as you let him in. Remembering the last time he was here.

Seven and a half months ago:

It was a normal afternoon for the two of you. Things were going well, Calum started to be more open towards you, spending the night, cuddling and hanging out more without the promise of sleeping together afterwards and you loved it. You were having fun as well, you would walk Duke together or cook dinner or just exist together by watching a movie or listening to his favorite songs that you “absolutely needed to hear” And today was no different as you cuddled with him watching one of Netflix’s crappy teenage movies. Things were going well, or so you thought.

You were straddling him, lips melting together as the movie was long forgotten. His hands were cupping your ass, setting a slow pace with your hips as you grinded on him. You whole body was on fire, ready to burst when his lips made their way down your neck, leaving marks that you would later trace with your fingers as you try to hide them.

“Calum,” You moaned softly as he found your sweet spot under your ear, sucking and biting it like only he knew how. Your hands flew to the back of his head, fingers lost in his hair, tugging it lightly every time he met your hips with a dry thrust.

He groaned, drunk to sounds you were making. He loved the effect he had on you, almost as much as the effect you had on him. It was addictive, dangerous. He knows he shouldn’t play with fire, but what a lovely way to burn it was.

You moaned again when you felt his teeth grazing your jaw, finding their way to your lips again. The rolling of your hips was faster, more desperate than before, the friction was almost unbearable. You needed him with a passion “C-Calum…”

“Tell me what you want, baby” He said with a raspy voice, breathing onto your neck “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you”

You shuddered at his words, getting dizzy with his touch, his soft groans and his eyes filled with lust, looking straight into your soul, burning like the sun.

You grabbed his head by the sides, pulling him closer until your foreheads pressed together “You” you whispered loud enough for him to hear “I want all of you, Calum”

A couple of hours passed and you were still laying on the sofa, cuddled against the naked chest of the bassist. His fingers were caressing your sides as both of your breathings became even, coming out of your highs.

You felt infinite in his arms, safe and wanted. You wanted this to last forever, to have him only for yourself and be his everything. You craved for more intimate looks, for innocent touches while in public, you wanted to show the world how in love you were with this man that has, not only conquered your heart, but also your soul. You loved him, and you hope with your whole heart that he loves you too.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked, drawing circles down your arm.

You debated on whether to tell him the truth or not. You knew Calum had always denied himself the possibility of love, stating time and again that he doesn’t really believe in it. But you’ve seen a change in him for the last few months you were together. He was more caring, more attentive, staying longer than he should and being there for you when you needed, not only for a quick fuck anymore. Maybe the chances of him loving you back were not as low as you thought.

“I meant what I said earlier, you know?” You ventured, lifting your gaze to meet his. He gave you a quizzical look, not really sure of what you were referring to “I do want all of you, Calum”

He smiled “You have me now”

“Yeah,,, but that’s not what I meant”

Taking a brave step, you pushed yourself forward and kissed him. You were done hiding the feelings you’ve been accumulating over the years, ready to let yourself go and drown on him. Only him.

Calum, however, was taken by surprise. Pulling himself from you.

“I thought we agree on not to catch feelings for each other” He said coldly. Already sitting up and looking across the room for his clothes.

You sat and watched as he got up from his spot on the couch and started to dress as fast as he could.

“Cal-“

“We agreed, Y/N. We said no string attached. Goddammit, everything was going so well, but you had to fuck it up, didn’t you?”

His words hit you like a ton of bricks. Shattering you completely from the inside. You tried to collect your thoughts as the tears threatened to come out, but Calum kept going.

“What the hell were you thinking? What were you expecting? Huh?”

“It’s not my fault that I love you” Your voice sounded broken, weak, and you hated that. How could he be so angry? What gave him the right when you were the one who was hurting?

“Well, it’s not mine either! Is it?” Calum said with exasperation, putting on his shirt.

“I thought-“

“What? That I loved you? Y/N, I don’t love anyone! You knew that when we started this!”

“And what am I to you then?!” You matched his tone of voice, tears were already spilling down your face but you didn’t care. You were fuming “What am I, Calum? A friend? A good fuck? Huh? Was I just a toy that you could play with every time you felt needy? Have you ever thought of me as something more?”

Calum’s stare was cold as ice. He was standing in the middle of the living room, clenching his fists to either side of his body until his knuckles became white. You, on the other hand, were sitting on the couch, crying. But your eyes burned with anger as you saw how carelessly he was invalidating your feelings, throwing everything away just because he couldn’t admit his own. A silent war was being fought between the two of you, both of you so scared but with nothing left to lose.

It seemed like ages had passed before Calum spoke again, grabbing his jacket and heading towards the door.

“Was there ever something more?”

You kept staring at the nothing he left behind, the last thing you heard was the slamming of your front door, leaving you alone and completely heartbroken.

Calum followed you into the kitchen, completely avoiding the living room where he last saw you, where he left you. He felt weirdly unwelcomed as you poured yourself a glass of water without even offering one to him, maybe he was.

You drink your water slowly, thinking that that will give you time to think on what to say to him. Maybe he would start talking soon, but the only thing he does is stare at you from the other side of the kitchen island. “How did you know where I was?” You asked.

“Your friend’s stories. You may have blocked me from yours, but they haven’t”

Then, silence came over you again. It was almost like he was waiting for you to say something, just like you always did. You played this game before, you are not going to cave. You are not going to give him the satisfaction of controlling the situation here.

“I need to talk to you” He finally said, letting his shoulders relax for a bit.

“You keep saying that. But you sure haven’t done a lot of talking”

The tension in the room was so thick that it could easily be cut by a knife. You always wondered what you would say to him, what would you feel the next time you saw him and, right now, you felt like there was nothing more to say. He had no right appearing into your life again, not when you were picking yourself together after he shattered you.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry”

“For what, exactly?” The venom in your voice was palpable, Calum knew this was not going to be easy for him “For leaving me here alone and then got yourself another person to play the ‘couple’ part? For practically calling me a whore? Or for giving me shit because of what I felt for you, knowing damn well you felt the same?”

You tilted your head, waiting for his answer, but it seems you left him speechless. Good.

Calum ran his hand through his curls, staring at the floor then back at you “I fucked up”

“That much is true”

“I’m serious, Y/N” He started walking towards you “I’m sorry for everything, you are right. You always are. I just- I didn’t know what to do! I panicked and-“

“And that’s your excuse of why you ran away instead of facing the problem?”

“I was scared! Okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” Calum raised his voice. He was now standing a couple of feet in front of you, so close and yet so far away from you “Y/N, I was so fucking scared. You know that I’ve never had a committed relationship before, that I never let things get too far but with you.. God, I never felt the same with anyone like that before not after you. And then you said all of those things and I- Hearing you say that you love me was too much, I couldn’t process it and instead of saying something coherent I just lashed out on you and you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry”

Calum took a step forward, softly grabbing your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours. He took your silence as his cue to continue.

“You were always there for me, every time I needed you were there. No questions asked, no judging, not waiting for something in return. Always making me laugh, supporting me and letting me take a break from the messy life I have. You were the best thing in my life and I took you for granted. I hate that it has taken me this long to realize that, but I just miss you, Y/N. I miss us, so much that you can’t imagine how much it hurts. I need you with me, please let’s just go back to where we started. Or we can start over, whatever you want! But, please, baby, please don’t leave me”

And just before you know it, Calum cupped your cheek with his free hand and brought your face closer to him, crashing his lips into yours. You responded almost immediately by parting your lips and granting him more access, getting completely lost inside the kiss.

For a moment it felt like the old times, he tastes just like you remember and his touch stills makes your skin erupt with goosebumps. For years you’ve been waiting for this, for him to feel the same about you and love you without any fears or doubts, claiming that he was yours and you were his. You wanted this for so long… but why does it feel so bad?

Gathering all the courage you could manage, you push Calum away from you.

“S-stop!” You said, trembling “Stop, this isn’t right”

He gave you a confused look as he took a step back “Y/N-“

“What about your partner? Calum, did you at least break up with them before you came to find me?” The way he looked at the floor gave you all the answers you needed. You raised your hand to your forehead, suppressing the urge to cry or laugh at his antics “Oh my God”

“I was going to! I swear I just-“ He failed to find an excuse “Things were doing awful between us lately, Y/N. You have to understand, I-“

“What?!” You spat “that you had to make sure I was on board with all of this?! I am not a consolation prize, Calum. I am not a second choice!”

“Baby, I know. I-“

“Don’t call me that!”

Calum took another step back, he has never seen you so angry before.

“How dare you? How. Dare. You, Calum. Coming here after eight months! saying all that shit about how much I mean to you when it’s just bullshit”

“Y/N, it’s not-“

“I’m not fucking finish” You say raising a hand to silence him “Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve? I don’t get a single text or call or fucking smoke signal from you for eight months, knowing how I felt about you, and now suddenly you're asking for it back? Saying that you miss all that we had? We had nothing, Calum. We were nothing more than just a fuck around, you said it yourself, didn’t you? There was no ‘us’ for you to miss. You made damn sure of that. You don’t miss me, not really. You miss how I made you feel. How easy it was for me to be there for you every time you called, well, I’m tired of fixing all your problems, I ran out of every reason to do it.

And I was so stupid, you know? For believing just for a second that this could actually mean something when it never meant something to you in the first place! Did you even think about how I would feel about all of this? Of course not! Why would you? After all, I’m just Y/N! The one who always gets stepped on, why should my feelings matter? If I’m always going to be there for you and everything you ask for. Well, fuck that!”

“Y/N..” Calum tried to intervene, but you couldn’t hear him.

“You want to know what I did after you left? I cried myself to sleep for weeks, reliving every moment we had, every word you said just before you left. Waiting by the phone for hours just to see if you’d call. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I was the living incarnation of death because I realized I lived just for you. Well, not anymore. You said you were hurting, you have no idea what I went through so, I’m sorry, but I don't really care how bad it hurts. I’m done. We are done”

You walk by him and towards the front door, opening it as an invitation for him to leave. Calum, however, remained standing in your kitchen, staring at you with glossy eyes.

“Baby, please don’t do this” He said with a trembling voice “I don’t know what to do without you I’m- I’m broken”

You were still standing by the door. Unmoving and without an inch of sympathy for the man crying in front of you.

“You broke me first, Calum. But I’m all glued back together now, and I did it by myself. Hope one day you could learn to do that too”

And, for the first time in months, you saw him leave.

[nishimochas]

❁﹝ enha!tegories ﹞

‣ ⒈  enhypen as some of my favorite cottagecore-esque songs.

❁﹝ lee heeseung as like the dawn by the oh hellos. ﹞

“ and like the dawn, you broke the dark and my whole earth shook. i was sleeping in the garden when i saw you. ”

light crept through the windows over your slumbering figure, heeseung's eyes steady over your face, studying every curve, angle, every dip and crevice. a sigh escapes him, content, as his fingers brush over your features in a soothing manner. the soft simper he wore blooms into a smile as your eyes begin to flutter open. you share his smile with a sleepy one of yours and snuggle closer to his frame.

"good morning, sunshine."

the moniker is met with a chuckle as he leans in to press a gingerly kiss on your crown. your arms circle his frane loosely, savoring the warmth. heeseung's heart swells when his eyes meet yours. he knows he hasn't yet seen a more beautiful sight, and he doubts such a sight to even exist in earth.

to wake up next to you for all the mornings of his life, to have you as his first sight with each break of dawn – nothing would ever compare.

“ you were the brightest shade of sun i had ever seen. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ jay park jongseong as home by jacob banks ﹞

“ so baby, baby, won't you let me in? i'm knocking on your door so let me in. i just need someone to love, i just need someone to hold. ”

the afternoon had been quaint, pleasant and proper enough for a leisurely nap. you curled up within the blankets as your system drowns out the tv noise, thoughts drifting away. as if in instinct, your hand reaches for the mess of pillows by your side – where jay usually sits, limbs in a tangle with yours as you both doze off. you couldn't hold back a sigh; it wasn't quite like home without him there.

buzz buzz.

you check your phone for the notification. an immediate smile tugs on the corner of your lips upon reading the message.

[ from: jjongddaengie 😎 ]

i'm almost home, baby. wait for me?

and so you set your phone aside and envelope yourself with the soft fabric, fighting the urge to giggle in anticipation. as the white noise of the movie you half paid attention to lulls you to sleep, you enter oblivion in the knowledge that in not very long, jay will come back home and see you as you are. you know you'll be greeted with two arms around your waist and a kiss on the shoulder; and at that moment, you know you'll always find home right where he is.

“ i need someone to kiss goodnight, and to give my heart a home. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ jake shim jaeyoon as coffee by beabadoobee ﹞

“ don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed; i'll make a cup of coffee for your head, i'll get you up and going out of bed ”

nights like these, when it is calm and the winds are gentle, are best enjoyed with a cup of hot coffee. it's become a habit for you jake to lounge on your front porch, each with a steaming cup with hand as you two chat about everything there is under the sun and beyond. this night was not very different; same seat, same sweaters, same mugs, only this time, there was complete silence between the two of you.

you'd expected it to be tense, for an unsettling echo of quiet to descend between you. but much to your surprise, this... this was comfortable.

"jakey?"

"yes, love?"

you breath almost hitches at his answer – no matter how many times he's been affectionate with you, it'll always feel special. different. like there was no other soul in the entire universe who could ever say it the way jake does.

you take a sip from your coffee cup and glance back at him, wearing a proud grin only he could ever give you.

"let's do this more often."

“ won't you come down and get me? i like it when you hold me tight. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ park sunghoon as yellow by coldplay ﹞

“ look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do; yeah, they were all yellow. ”

driving out at such an ungodly hour was, prior to being an impulse, something you and sunghoon have given much thought to. it was only when the two of you were still wide awake after having tried everything that you hopped into the car for your late night escapade. a song you weren't familiar with played in the radio station to fill the silence, but you were far too focused on counting the billboards to notice.

"twenty two... twenty three... ooo look, it's one of those ads about billboard ads–"

you roll down the car window to see further out, still counting under your breath each time you pass one by. he glances to his side and sees you; you two looked so cliche, almost straight out of a music video. he pulled over at an empty park and your displeasure was immediately made known.

"hey, i wasn't done counting..."

sunghoon chuckles from the driver's seat and pulls you in by the wrist, lips pressing softly against your temple in the most delicate of brushes.

"you can go back to counting when i'm done kissing you."

“ your skin and bones turn into something beautiful. do you know i love you so? ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ kim sunoo as strawberry blonde by mitski ﹞

“ i love everybody because i love you – i dont need the city and i dont need proof. all i need, darling, is a life in your shape; i picture it, soft, and i ache. ”

the sun was especially kind today – it's warmth remained watchful over the grass you and sunoo sat on, but through a veil of clouds so as to not be so glaring. the perfect day for a picnic, as he said so himself. he always goes all out for them; whatever you craved for, he had it all. you looked through his basket with a giggle, noticing a few delicacies he doesn't usually bring.

"why macaroons?", you ask while helping him set up the mat and the containers.

"didn't you say you wanted macaroons last week? i thought i should bring some for you! i tried baking them but they didn't turn out very nice–"

his babbling was halted with a macaroon to the mouth, sending you both into a fit of laughter. you'll never get tired of how considerate he is, how much he pays attention to the things you say and how much sunoo truly cares. you popped a strawberry macaroon into your own mouth and rested your temple against his shoulder. now, you couldn't help but wonder: would it have tasted better if he made it?

“ look at you, strawberry blonde – fields rolling on, i love it when you call my name. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ yang jungwon as santa monica dream by angus and julia stone ﹞

“ goodbye to my santa monica dream – fifteen kids in the backyard drinking wine. you tell me stories of the sea, and the ones you left behind. ”

it's nearing three in the afternoon and jungwon's just about finished with helping you pack. he ushers the last suitcase out and into the car where your father waits for you. it wasn't difficult to tell that he was trying to avoid your gaze.

"hey..." you take his hand in yours, making him see you eye to eye. there's something quite crestfallen with how he looked at you; you had to go and pursue your dream away from home, he knew that, and he was happy for you. but you knew him better than that.

"i'll miss you, dork."

he could only give you a little smile, but it was more than enough. you look behind him and see the fridge door, battered with polaroids, receipts and letters. reminders of you, so he'll never forget.

you wave goodbye and so does he, not caring at all to wipe the tear streaking down his cheek. he'd miss you so and you all the same, but no matter where you are, or where you'll go – jungwon knows he'll be dreaming of you each and every night.

“ i'm singing songs about the future, wondering where you are. ”

.

× 🌼 ×

.

❁﹝ ni-ki nishimura riki as kiss me by sixpence none the richer ﹞

“ nightly, beside the green, green grass. swing, swing, swing the spinning step, you wear those shoes and i will wear that dress. ”

"hurry, we'll miss the fireworks!"

ni-ki half dragged you through the open venue, clad only in socks and you in his shoes with you broken heels in one hand. you could barely hold your laughter; you'd assume the punch had no alcohol, but given how giddy you were, it wouldn't have been surprising if it were revealed to be booze.

"cinderella! wanna get out of here?", he shouted beside you, the sentiment almost drowned out by the cacophony of fireworks and cheer. you took him by the wrist and maneuvered you two through the crowd. he'd figured that was a yes. you two found a cozy nook under the garden tree, spending the rest of the prom night watching from afar and laughing at his dirty socks.

"man, i'm seriously convinced that thing had alcohol in it." he laughs and nods along, peering over for a better view of your face.

"is that why you're so pink, then? drunk blush?"

immediately flustered, you hurry to cover your warm cheeks with two hands. another laugh escapes him – you almost expected him to tease you. but instead, ni-ki takes your hands away from your face, nudging your chin up so your eyes will meet his. you couldn't miss the smug grin he wore even if you wanted to.

"hey, kiss me."

“ lift your open hand, strike up the band and make the fireflies dance; silver moon's sparkling, so kiss me. ”

❁ :: i'm honestly kinda disappointed in this HSHSB brain go brr, but i hope u guys like it 🥺💕 (edit: i really should have proofread this wow)

[farfromtommy]

black and white (tom holland x singer!reader)

request: all too well part two? Maybe happy ending

a/n: this is a continuation of all too well! i left this one with kind of an open ending. not angsty like the previous fic. i really loved writing this and i’ve been thinking about making this sort of a mini series with different songs. please let me know what you think! based off of the song black and white by niall horan 

requests are open!

word count: 2,200

warnings: quick allusion to sex

masterlist  social media au masterlist  taglist form 

part 1

You walked calmly off stage wiping the few tears off your face. You kept your head down as you walked towards your dressing room to get ready to leave, moving as quickly as you could to avoid any familiar faces. With the last of your things packed, you grabbed your bag and followed your assistant  out of the building. Right as you rounded a corner you heard chatter and Tom’s voice right ahead of you. He spotted you immediately and said ‘if you’ll excuse me for just one second’ before walking towards you. 

“Hey, Y/N. It’s uh.. It’s really good to see you.” Tom mumbled quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. Your assistant looked at you questioningly. “I’ll be out in a minute, just have the car pull around.” You said to her and she walked off. 

“Yeah it’s good to see you, too.” You rubbed the side of your arm and met his gaze. “They didn’t tell me who was going to be on the show tonight. I probably wouldn’t have put us in this position if I would’ve known you were here with everyone.”  You told him truthfully. Regardless of how things ended for you and Tom, the last thing you wanted to do was put him in an uncomfortable situation. 

He had an unreadable expression on his face. It was uncommon for you to be unable to know what Tom was feeling, it had become a sort of superpower of yours. 

“It was an amazing performance, I’m glad I was able to see it. You know I always loved watching you perform.” He said, gesturing his hand to the entrance to the stage. He was nervous, you knew it. You saw movement from behind him and saw your manager waving you to hurry up the conversation. 

“T-Thank you. Uh, look. I need to go. Tonight is the last show on tour at O2 and I need to get to rehearsals.  Um. If you want to go, I’ll have my assistant put you on the guest list. Bring whomever you’d like, there won’t be a guest limit. We can talk more after the show, if you’d like.” You moved to start walking towards the door, nodding towards your assistant. 

“Yeah, I’d really enjoy that. I’ll be there.” He said, saying his goodbyes as you said yours and he watched you jog off. You looked over your shoulder as you walked out the door and saw him still staring at you. 

~~ 

Tom walked into the VIP section, nerves radiating off of him. He was recognized by a few other celebrities there and by the fans sitting close by. Flashes started going off in the stands and screams were heard as he looked around and waved. He was wearing a lanyard with your new album cover and ‘special guest’ written along the bottom. 

He greeted the handful of people he knew and took a few pictures as well. He ran into a few of your friends who seemed shocked and a bit skeptical to see him, knowing the history. He shot them a tightlipped smile and a polite nod before grabbing a beer and heading to a spot where you could see him from the stage.

He had been in this spot like this many, many times before. Him and Harrison had often gone to your shows as special guests for support. This was the opening night of you opening for Harry Styles. He did his first musical feature on your latest album and you had been really good friends for a while, so it made sense to have you open for him. It was a dream of yours to perform in O2 stadium alongside an amazing artist like him. He knew one day it’d be your name in big letters all over the stadium. 

The lights dimmed and the thousands of people screamed as they heard the beat to one of your songs. You walked out with a huge grin on your face and started singing the lyrics. All the fans joined in and even Tom caught himself singing along. The song ended and the screams of the crowd made Tom’s whole body vibrate. He looked around and saw the pure joy spread across the faces of the fans at the mere sight of you. 

“London, how are we doing tonight?!” You screamed into the mic and pointed it towards the crowd. 

“I’m so overwhelmed with joy, excitement, and a little bit of nervousness to be here tonight. This is the biggest crowd I think I have ever performed in front of. Everyone give yourselves a round of applause for selling out all 20,000 seats!” You giggled into the mic as the crowd continued to go crazy. 

“I just want to give a quick shoutout to my amazing friend for allowing me to join him on tour this year. Travelling the world with such an amazing group of people has been the adventure of a lifetime and I’m so grateful to have been a part of this. Let’s give it up for Harry Styles!” The crowd went nuts at the mention of the headliner and Tom politely clapped and cheered. 

One of Tom’s favorite things in the world was watching you perform. He loved the energy that came out of every pore in your body, and the crowd loved it too. His favorite moments were hearing the crowd singing along to your songs and watching your reactions to it. Your time on stage seemed to go so quick. He hadn’t realized it was almost time for you to wrap up your set. 

“I’m having a blast with you all tonight, but unfortunately our time together is coming to a close. I have a few more songs for you tonight. I wrote this next one a few years ago, kind of as a personal message for me and someone really special to me and I never recorded it and only performed it for one person.” You paused, grabbing your favorite guitar and clearing your throat. 

“This song means a lot to me, personally. I performed on the Graham Norton show today and while I was there, something reminded me of it and I had to dig it up so I could share it with you all tonight.” You looked around the VIP section until your eyes landed on Tom. His heart sped up as you shot him a smile and he sent you a small wave. 

That first night we were standing at your door Fumbling for your keys, then I kissed you Ask me if I want to come inside 'Cause we didn't want to end the night Then you took my hand, and I followed you

He remembers the lyrics to this song vaguely. You wrote this song for him. You would spend hours with your guitar on the couch humming along to lyrics you came up with. You had performed it for him once, when you finished it. He remembers the smile on your face as you sang to him and the blush that spread across your cheeks as he got emotional listening to you sing. 

Yeah, I see us in black and white Crystal clear on a star lit night In all your gorgeous colors I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life See me standing in my dress Swear in front of all our friends There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life

This is the song I’m dedicating to you on my album. We’re gonna tell the whole world about us, Tommy. I want everyone to know how much I love you. This is how I want to do it, is what you told him when you set your guitar down after you finished singing the song. He told you he was finally ready to tell the world about your relationship. It had been over a year already, and he was getting tired of sneaking around. He was ready to show you off to everyone. 

Now, we're sitting here in your living room Telling stories while we share a drink or two And there's a vision I've been holding in my mind We're 65 and you ask "When did I first know?" I always knew

You always knew Tom was it for you. Even after the breakup, you knew you’d never love anyone the way you love him. Even after meeting Harry and falling into his arms and into his bed, you both were aware of the deep love you still had for Tom. You thanked him for those intimate moments you had with each other and swore it never had to come up again. He stuck by your side and helped you heal from the heartbreak. The friendships you developed with him and his band were the reason you managed to stay afloat and allowed yourself to enjoy life again. 

Yeah, I see us in black and white Crystal clear on a star lit night In all your gorgeous colors I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life See me standing in my dress Swear in front of all our friends There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life

The fans could sense the emotion through your words and stayed silent as your voice filled every corner of the arena. Flashlights were out and hands were in the air as they moved in sync with the people around them. Tom could feel the eyes of your friends burning into his skin as he kept his eyes glued to you. All he wanted to do was jump on stage and tell you everything he wished he could’ve told you after you ran out of his house. He reached out to you handfuls of times after the breakup, wanting to apologize to you and to try and fix what he had broken. 

I want the world to witness When we finally say I do It's the way you love I gotta give it back to you I can't promise picket fences Or sunny afternoons But, at night when I close my eyes

Your silence spoke volumes to him. You never returned any of his texts or his calls. The only thing he had heard from you was a message that had been passed onto him by a mutual friend. Y/N said she needs to find out who she is without you. She said that maybe one day your paths will cross again and maybe take another shot at it, but for now she wants to be alone and hopes you understand why. She also wanted me to tell you that she’s never going to stop loving you and if you find someone who makes you happy, she hopes you’ll love them the way you did her. I’m sorry, Tom. I wish I could’ve passed along a better message. Take care of yourself.  

I see us in black and white Crystal clear on a star lit night There'll never be another I promise that I'll love ya

Your eyes scanned the crowd and you watched them as they felt every word of what you were singing. You continued your scan to the VIP area and smiled as you saw your friends and they blew kisses to you. Tom’s gaze never broke even as you met his eyes. He felt the emotion bubbling in his gut as he continued to listen and watch you. Your eyes never left his as you kept singing. 

I see us in black and white Crystal clear on a star lit night In all your gorgeous colors I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life See me standing in my dress Swear in front of all our friends There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life

He mouthed the words with you as you sang them so powerfully. He let a few tears fall and wiped them away. Your voice wavered a bit as you started to get emotional as well and the crowd heard the slight dip in your voice. Some fans followed your gaze that landed on Tom and went crazy as they saw him in a similar state as you. A few noticed him mouthing the words to the song you had said you only performed for one person. You smirked as you watched the handful of fans put the pieces together and whisper to the people around them. You winked at Tom and he blew you a kiss. 

There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life

[captainseaweedbrains]

The Dance of the Color Guard, Op. 64 Ch. 4

Katniss and Peeta used to be best friends when they were kids, but now in high school, they're barely on speaking terms. It isn't until they are forced together as the titular star-crossed lovers for their marching band's field show that they will have to face their past mistakes and try to get along if they ever hope of defeating the notorious Capitol Height's Imperial Marching Crusaders in competition.

It's all about winning and if that means pretending to be in love with Peeta Mellark, so be it.

A/N: Thank you to @rosegardeninwinter​ for editing and helping push me to finish! You are the best and any mistakes found are mine. :) 

Start at the beginning on Ao3: X

Ch. 4 Ao3: X

June

“Peeta really isn’t that bad,” Madge said for what felt like the millionth time. Katniss rolled her eyes and flipped the page of her magazine. Ever since learning that Peeta was going to be the Romeo to Katniss’ Juliet, Madge had been defending him every chance she got. “He’s really not. And he’s so smart, Katniss. Picks up on things real quickly. So all this moping around you’ve been doing all week is stupid.”

Katniss frowned and shoved her sunglasses further up her nose, preferring the screams of the children running around them on the pool deck to Madge defending Peeta Mellark to her once again. Was she being overly dramatic about this? Maybe. Was Madge right that Peeta wasn’t as bad as she made him out to be? Perhaps. But it still sucked and she couldn’t stop complaining about it.

“I know you’re Team Peeta,” she sighed, “but would it kill you to see things from my perspective just this once? Isn’t that what girl friends are supposed to do? Side with their other girl friends?”

“Maybe if you were right about him being a bad person, I would,” Madge sniffed, picking up her own gossip magazine to flip through. “But as of right now, you’ve provided me no evidence in support of your claim.” It was times like these Katniss wished her friend wasn’t the daughter of a prestigious lawyer.

“Gale sides with me,” she argued, pointing at her tall friend standing in line between two twelve-year-old kids for their slushies. “Doesn’t that count for anything on my behalf?”

“Gale’s an idiot.”

“An idiot you’re dating.” Madge stuck her tongue out at that, unable to refute her long-standing relationship with Gale and Katniss smiled. Of all the relationships she’d seen throughout the years—and band romances had provided plenty of weird, random romances, the weirdest being Johanna Mason and Melinda “Cashmere” Hewitt—Madge and Gale’s was the only one she saw that made no sense on paper yet made complete sense in person. The spoiled rich girl with a heart of gold and the rough-around-the-edges boy from the bad part of town? She never used to buy it in the movies, thinking the concept too ridiculous, but Madge and Gale proved her wrong time and time again.

Even when they had broken up sophomore year, claiming they were just too different, Katniss was still proven wrong because they couldn’t shut up about each other—griping about how she just didn’t understand and he always has to be right and I can’t believe I lost my virginity to that, a fact Katniss could have gone her whole life not knowing. When they got back together, it was hard to say who was more thrilled about it: the happy couple or Katniss.

“Come on, Madge,” she sighed, flopping back in her lounge seat. “Why must you always be the diplomatic one?”

“Someone has to be between your impulsiveness and Gale’s anarchy attitude.

“Did someone say anarchy?” the anarchist himself joked, handing Madge her lime-flavored slushie with a kiss on the lips for a tip. He handed Katniss her watermelon one and jokingly asked where his tip was. Katniss threw her three dollars at him with a “Keep the change” rebuttal. Gale laughed and pocketed the cash, lifting Madge’s legs up and over onto his lap so he could sit.

“So what did I miss?”

Madge snorted and offered her boyfriend a sip of her slushie. “Here’s a hint: it’s Katniss’ favorite subject.”

Gale rolled his eyes and accepted the drink. “Mellark again?” He took a large sip and winced at the sudden brain freeze, handing the large cup back. “God, I’m so sick of hearing about that guy. Katniss, get over it and move on already.” Even Gale was getting sick of her talking about it? Somehow, that hit lower on the pathetic scale. Gale was her complaining companion. Her bitch buddy. The person she reserved all her annoyances for because she knew he’d have his own trivial things to complain about. Hell, their friendship was founded upon complaining, starting in 8th Grade Science when their teacher kept giving them busy work to cope with the very public scandal of his wife sleeping with their school principal. They complained about everything with each other.

And now even Gale had said enough.

Well this sucked.

“Fine,” she said, not really feeling fine about it. “I won’t talk about it anymore.” Her friends looked doubtful. “I mean it! No more talk of Peeta Mellark and how my whole summer is practically ruined because I have to have extra practices to teach him how to dance on the field. And I’m not going to talk about how that cuts into my shifts at Aunt LuLu’s store, which means my spending money is going to be next to nothing by the time school starts. So if you two ever want to do anything more fun than hanging around the school parking lot, I guess you’re shit out of luck.”

Gale smiled sweetly at Madge. “I’m so glad she’s not talking about it anymore.” Katniss scowled and gave them the middle finger, causing them both to laugh.

“I think you both are very biased over this whole thing,” Katniss said after a while. Gale and Madge didn’t say anything, too focused on tanning and summer reading homework. That didn’t seem to stop Katniss from continuing. “You’re both too friendly with him because of classes and band. He’s gotten to you.”

“One of us is biased,” Gale said, “and it’s not us. It’s you. You’ve hated him for as long as I’ve known you.”

“With good reason!” she huffed, crossing her arms. They didn’t ask her to elaborate on that, already making it clear they were done talking about Peeta Mellark and all the annoyances he brought to her life, and she hated the fact that she did want to keep talking about him. About marching band. About the whole stupid situation. But she kept her promise and kept her mouth shut. 

No one said anything further until Madge declared herself starving and Gale suggested they stuff their faces with greasy burgers and fries at Sae’s.

**********

Sae’s Diner was packed with its usual lunch crowd—men and women from the factories nearby on lunch, sitting at the worn pastel-colored counter; a couple of kids they recognized from school goofing off in the corner booth, shooting straw wrappers off the straws; and a book club filled with women in their fifties discussing some brick of a book over coffee and Sae’s famous blueberry and cream pie sitting in the center of the small diner. The old woman herself smiled warmly at them when they’d walked in, asking if they were wanting the usual. 

“You’re the best, Sae,” Gale thanked as they waved and headed to their booth next to the front door. 

As they waited for their cheeseburgers and chocolate milkshakes, Gale chatted about some war movie he and his brothers saw that sounded god awful boring, no matter how much he tried re-explaining the plot to them. Madge and Katniss rolled their eyes and told him if he wanted to see the movie again so badly, to go see it by himself. “I’m not going to the movies by myself like some weirdo,” he scoffed, taking his hands off the table as the waitress deposited their plates of food and drinks. 

“Why not?” Katniss asked, picking up a french fry to dip into her milkshake. “I do it all the time.” 

“Because you hate people.” 

“So do you.” He shrugged, not having much to argue there, and picked up his burger. 

“So what time is Trinket summoning you tomorrow?” Gale asked, changing the subject completely, and tearing into his burger. Grease dripped down his hands and Madge tossed a pile of napkins at him. He accepted with a smile and slid his side of pickles over to her, something he purposely ordered more of because he knew how much she liked them. Madge happily bit into one, her eyes gazing at him with such adoration, Katniss rolled her eyes. Their coupling was too much for her sometimes. 

“I thought you didn’t want me talking about marching band,” she said innocently enough, taking a bite into her own burger.

“I didn’t want you talking about Mellark,” he said pointedly, wagging a fry at her. “Marching band is different. Less annoying and less boy drama. So what time does Miss Cream Puff have you coming in?”

It irritated her that Gale simplified her great dislike for Peeta Mellark as mere boy drama because it was far more complicated than that, but there was no point trying to explain it to Gale. He understood a lot about her, but when it came to Peeta… Well, it was best to let him believe whatever he wanted. “Eight a.m. sharp,” she said sourly, dipping another french fry into her milkshake.

Gale winced. “That sucks. Why so early?” 

“Peeta couldn’t get out of working his afternoon shifts and it was either that or not have a single weekend off until November.” She was still bitter about the change in schedule. Originally Miss Trinket wanted them twice a week outside of color guard’s normal rehearsal times, but with Peeta’s work schedule not being as flexible as Katniss’, she’d decided to make it morning rehearsals and make those shorter, which forced them to add another day of rehearsal to make up for the cut time. Now instead of having rehearsal four times a week, Katniss had five with her weekends full of shifts at Aunt LuLu’s shop for the extra cash she desperately needed. This summer was going to blow.

“I still think you should’ve been picked for Juliet,” Katniss told Madge teasingly. “You and Gale, maybe?” she cooed. “The true star-crossed lovers of Athens Ridge.” 

Gale scowled. “I’d rather drop dead than have to deal with Trinket when she’s in choreographer mode. She’s a total tyrant.” 

“She’s not so bad once you get used to her.” 

“Tell me what you think after dealing with her for a whole season, oh captain, my captain.” 

Point taken.

Much like at the pool, they talked for a bit about things going on in their lives—Madge taking some online French class because her grades last semester weren’t great; Gale’s successful find for parts with Thom in the junkyard. Katniss didn’t say much as she munched on her burger and fries, afraid Madge would lecture her again on Peeta Mellark and her inability to let things go with him. That and she promised she was done talking about him. But outside of marching band and him, not much was going on in her life. She felt a bit pathetic about that. 

Conversation picked up when Sae came over, asking how things were doing. The three smiled at the old woman, happy to fill her in on all the small details of their lives. Sae was the unofficial grandmother of the Seam. Always there to show her support for her kiddos. Her small diner was covered with pictures of sports teams she’s sponsored over the years, pictures of her and kids dressed in dance gear, holding certificates. 

“Did you hear the news about Katniss, Sae?” Madge asked when the topic of marching band came up. Sae was always interested in that, loving watching her talented kids play as they wove around the field. “She’s going to be our Juliet this year! Isn’t that exciting?” 

Sae’s grey eyes warmed, turning to Katniss. “Is that so? Captain and the lead part?” She shook her head in astonishment, her salt and peppered colored hair coming loose from her hair tie. “You were always so talented with those flags. I’m not surprised. Who’s your Romeo?” 

“Peeta Mellark.” The name felt lodged in her throat, but thankfully, it squeezed out without too much of a squeak in her voice. 

Sae didn’t know all the kids on the west side, but she definitely knew Peeta. He would often tag along with her and her dad on their trips to the woods, stopping at the diner after for hot chocolate and pie. In fact, his picture was one of the first ones you saw coming in—Sae and six-year-old Peeta smiling at the camera, her arm around him as he proudly held up his lost baby tooth. Her dad had taken the picture, she remembered, and if the camera’s lens had shifted a little more to the right, it would have also captured five-year-old Katniss pouting on the side, upset that he kept losing his baby teeth when she’d lost none. It was a picture her gaze avoided whenever they visited Sae’s, unable to stomach the sight of an old friend turned asshole, the memory of her dad’s laughter as he took the photo. 

“Oh, Peeta,” Sae chuckled, the familiar twinkle she always got in her eyes when he was around. The old woman doted on him when they were kids and he ate up her attention like there was no tomorrow. “How is that boy? Staying out of mischief, I hope?” 

Gale and Madge looked to her with knowing smiles, wondering what she would say. Katniss cleared her throat and looked down at her half-eaten plate for a moment. “Fine, I guess. We don’t hang out anymore. You know that, Sae.” 

She did know that, but it never stopped her from asking whenever he came up. “Aye, girl, I do. I suppose you aren’t happy with Effie Trinket’s choice, then?” 

Gale snorted. “Happy? More like obsessively pissed. She hasn’t shut up about it since May.” She glared at her friend and he shrugged, popping a fry in his mouth. “What? You haven’t.” 

Sae gave one of her warm, crooked teeth smiles. “Maybe this is the push you kiddos need to kiss and make up.” Katniss’ cheeks warmed at the mention of kisses, remembering Leevy’s comment how they were so going to have sex by the end of the year. She still hadn’t fully forgiven her friend for that suggestion.

“I’m afraid that’s impossible, Sae,” she said, her voice still a little strained. “We’re just too different.”  

“Ah, well. I suppose we grow in different directions sometimes,” the woman sighed with a shake of her head. A woman from the book club table called for her and Sae gave them a parting wave and smile. “Tell Peeta ol’ Sae misses her boy and that he needs to come in more. I haven’t seen him in ages.”

Katniss pointedly avoided Gale and Madge’s amused smirks, focusing on the burger in front of her. “I’ll be sure to pass the message along,” she muttered, taking a big bite of her food to avoid continuing this conversation. She loved Sae. Thought of her like a grandmother. But there was no way in hell was she telling Peeta that. No way. Then he’d think she was gushing about him to anyone who would listen, thrilled to be his Juliet, a role many girls at school would kill for (Probably. Maybe. She thinks.), and then his stupid ego would just get bigger and he’d be even more obnoxious to deal with. No, best not to mention anything and lie next time she saw Sae. 

A small part felt guilty at that, though, because Sae was like a grandma who wanted the best for her, and Peeta too, she guessed, but again, Sae didn’t know what happened between them. And Katniss wasn’t going to fill her in on their broken history six years too late. 

Her phone next to her plate vibrated, signifying a text message just came in. Wiping her greasy hands, Katniss frowned, picking up her phone. Who was texting her? Everyone who’d text her was either sitting right across from her or were busy at work or camp. The little text message lit up at her touch, showing it was from an unknown number, and her frown turned into a scowl as she read it. 

Hey!!!!!!!!!1!1111!!!!!!! the message read with a thousand typo-filled exclamation marks. God, who text like that? Trinket gave me ur ######## Hope thats cool. Thought Id give mine!!!!!!!111111 🤗 Ill see u  Mon dearest Juliet ❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!!!!!!!!!!111!😘😘😘😘!!!111!!!!!! 

For the briefest of seconds, Katniss swore her vision blacked out. One moment she was staring at her phone. The next, darkness. Like her brain couldn’t process the simple text on her phone and chose to shut down instead. When her vision cleared, the message was still there, glaring brightly at her with those thousand exclamation/number marks. 

Peeta Mellark texted her. He had her number.

         Her stomach churned and now she feared that what her mother always warned about Sae’s greasy food would come true now and she’d throw it all up. 

Peeta Mellark texted her. It was truly official. He had her number and she had his and they were partners now. If she had any doubts about this whole thing before—as if she had dreamt the last four weeks of her life—they were wiped clean now. Replaced with this typo-filled text message from the very boy who hurt her. 

“You okay?” Madge asked.

Katniss nodded and clicked out of the message, tossing the phone into her bag. She’d deal with it later.

[the-daily-multi-fandom-post]

Hii ! Can you please write an imagine where Elijah Mikaelson's girlfriend turn off her humanity after her twin brother died, he found her in a bar where she's dancing and killing people she compels to stay etc, and he try to help her get her back, even if she's mean to him?

I love Elijah mikaelson. I feel like he needs a bit more love! So I’m here to give it. Lmao. Here it is I hope you like it. Ps. I kinda changed it a bit. Reader is going to be his wife not Girlfriend. Just saying. Enjoy! 😘

This is the song I use. In this. It’s one of my favorites that I can relate to. Tbh. Listen to it if you’d like. ✌️

Y/n was lost without her twin brother. Her heart was shattered as she watched Mikel rip his heart out. She sobbed, her heart felt like it too had been ripped out. Everyone could hear the heart shattering in her cries. She bared her teeth as she vamp sped to Mikel. Grabbing his heart and ripping it from his chest. “I’ll see you in hell you fucking bastard.” As she watch ed his face and the rest of his body turn gray.

She pushed him backwards, taking his heart and dropping it down onto the grass. Looking back to her dead twin lying on the ground. Motionless and still be laid there. His body gray from his death. Y/n slowly walked up to her brother. Tears running down her Y/e/c eyes. Her hands were bloody as she kneeled down. Pulling her brothers body into her arms. Holding him one last time.

Elijah walked up to the clear spot in the woods just off the bayou. His heart broke at the arriving scene. His wife sitting on the ground tears going down her face as she held a limp body in her arms.

“He’s dead.” Her voice broken, Sore from all the crying and of the begging. Begging her brother just to come back to her. Just as he was about to say who he seen his fathers dead body on the ground. A hole where mikels heart once was, his cold dead heart beside him.

“I killed him.” She starred straight ahead. Just looking out to the bayou. “Darling, are you okay?” Slowly walking up to her he seen the body in her arms. Recognizing the body as his brother-in-law.

“Mikel, killed him. He killed him to make me angry or upset.” Y/n started. “I’m can’t do this.” She whispered to herself. Elijah just barely hearing her. “No, Y/n.” He told her kneeling down pulling her face to look at him. “It’s going to be okay. I know it’s hard, but I’m here for you. I will never let this ever happen again. I should’ve been here.” He vowed looking deeply in his wife’s eyes. Pushing her Y/h/c hair out of her y/t/c blood splattered face.

“I’ve been alive for hundreds of years, Elijah. Just as long as you have. You and I, we were friends when we were children. We’ve been through so much together. I’ve seen as much death as you have. But to lose my brother. My twin brother, I-I can’t bare it.” She cried. Tears streaming down her face. “Y/n, look at me.” He pulled chin up to look at him. Searching deeply in her eyes. “I’m here, just let me help you.” He whispered against her forehead lying a soft kiss against it.

They stay like that for a little while. His arms wrapped around her as she held onto her brother. She kissed her brothers head as she stood up. Elijah standing with her, pulling her straight into a hug. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he cooed. Trying to get her to calm down. Her body shaking as she sobbed. “I’m here, just let it out.” She choked out on a sob. Coughing as she struggled to breath.

“I can’t. I can’t.” She sobbed pulling, no pushing away from him. “Let me help you.” He spoke, trying to comfort his wife of like a thousand or so years. He pulled her back into his arms. He heard her slowly nod as she kissed his shoulder. He felt as tears left her eyes. Pulling away she looked into his brown eyes. “I’m sorry.” He looked at Y/n confused. “What are you taking about?” He asked, just as she snapped his neck.

Y/n ran. She had to leave. She didn’t want to turn it off, but that was the only way she knew to get the pain to go away. There was no amount of time or booze to keep the pain of lost away. Cutting off her humanity made her feel free. She didn’t have the heavy burden of emotions on her shoulder. She felt like she could do anything. And she could do anything.

She smirked as she got in her black 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle SS. Speeding away with a couple bottles of whiskey in the front seat. Driving she let the roads lead her to wherever. And wherever was a bar outside of New Orleans.

“Alright, I need everyone’s attention. She spoke into the microphone taking it from the DJ booth. “You guys are to act normal. No matter what you see you will continue as if nothing is happening. And nobody leaves. Do you understand?” She compaled everyone in the bar. Everyone nodded or said yes then went back to dancing and drinking having a good time. Y/n smiled, walking behind the bar and grabbing a bottle of bourbon. Drinking some of it she smiled.

Dancing in the crowd she smiled. Dancing and grinding against a Green eyed man. He looked like he was around 20. She smiled making eye contact with him. “Your hot.” She said over the music. He smirked as he pulled her in from her hips. She smirked. Leaning in and kissing his neck then biting into his neck. Not even flinching or hissing from the bite. Her worked Compulsion working.

She drained the green eyed man in the matter of minutes. Leaving his dead body in the floor then continued to party as if nothing had happened. Y/n made her way through the dance floor killing people, dancing, and drinking her whiskey.

“Yasss, this is a good song!” She said as one of her favorite songs came on.

“Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort!” She sang! Head banging as she weaver through the crowd back to the bar. Climbing onto the bar top, dancing and drinking. Having a real good emotionless time.

“Cut my life into pieces! I've reached my last resort! Suffocation, no breathing! Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding!” She screamed/sang out the lyrics.

Her bottle of bourbon was empty. She huffed throwing the bottle across the room listening to its thick glass shatter. Grabbing another bottle of booze she continued dancing and singing on top of the bar top.

“Cause I'm losing my sight, Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine. Losing my sight, Losing my mind, Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine, nothing's alright, Nothing is fine. I’m running and I'm crying, I'm crying I'm crying, I’m crying. I'm crying.” She dance the men at the bar watching as she dance and sang.

Some smiling and smirking. Some others reaching out to touch her. Those who go to touch her she allows a little bit. She would sit in their laps. Giving them a little fun and then would bite down onto their necks. Feeding on them until they bleed out. Leaving a large amount of bodies on the floor or hanging off chairs.

Y/n nodded and smiled dancing around having a grand ol time as she heard the music stop.

“Why the hell did the music stop?!” She called out looking towards the do booth. Looking at the DJ who had just stopped the music she seen her husband and her brother-in-law Klaus.

“Hello boys.” She smirked before throwing the bottle of booze at the two original brothers. “Come to party?” She smirked. Watching as the two just barely missed the flying bottle.

“Or are you hear as the party police?” Grabbing another bottle as she moved over to a ginger haired man. She smirked as the man wrapped an arm around her waist. Her smirk deepened when she heard Elijah growl.

“We are here to help you.” Elijah spoke. Klaus smirked seeing his older brother getting upset over the mans arm wrapped around Y/ns waist.

“Oh really? I don’t seem like I need help. Jack, do you think I need help?” Y/n asked the young man. He seemed like he was barely 21. He shook his head as y/n looked into his brown eyes. “Words baby boy.” She spoke seductively. “No, you don’t need help.” His voice monotone because of the compulsion.

“See I’m all fine and dandy. Now if you’ll go I have things to do.” She smiled. Biting into the mans neck. She sighed feeding on the man happily. “Y/n, love you need to stop.” Klaus said as he started walking up to Y/n. “Make one more move and I slaughter the rest of the people here then continues through the states. Maybe even leave and go somewhere else. Have a world wide murder spree.” Y/n demanded looking as the two brothers stop mid-step.

“Good, now let me enjoy my snack.” She continued feeding on the man. Loving the way the blood quickly flowed into her mouth. “Man you taste so good.” She moaned against the mans neck. “I might just save you for later. Maybe even give you a good time before I kill you.” She flirted. The man smirked as he pulled her onto his lap. She could feel him under her making her smirk. “Enough of this!” Elijah demanded. Catching Y/ns band before she could move it to the back of “Jacks” neck.

“Klaus get the rest of them to leave. I’ll deal with Y/n.” Klaus nodded, not arguing with his big brother.

“Oh, Klausy. Listening to your older brother know, eh? See I liked reckless Klaus. It was hot and Sexy.” Y/n spoke looking at Klaus then looking at Elijah out of the corner of her eye. Smirking when she seen his jaw clench in anger. “There was so many times I wanted to sleep with you. Man, I’d sleep with you right now if Elijah here wasn’t holding onto me like I’m gonna disappear. “Well love. I love the offer, but I don’t think my brother would appreciate that.” Klaus smiled. His hands behind his back walking up to them.

“Well, I guess I have to do this by myself.” Jerking out of Elijahs hold she vamp sped to Klaus. Breaking his neck and looking at Elijah. “Let’s talk.” She spat. Going around the bar and fixing her a drink.

Grabbing a margarita glass she started fixing her drink. Putting some ice in it as Elijah started talking.

“I’m giving you five minutes to talk then you’ll either be dead or outta this bar.” Elijah huffed as he watched her fix the drink.

“I love you. I hope you know that. I’m fighting for you for us. Baby, just listen to me.” He grabbed Y/ns soft hand as she was pouring the tequila in the glass.

“I love you. I never wanted any of this to happen. If I knew Mikel was going to go after Jason I never would’ve went with Klaus and Hayley. I would’ve been there with you and him.”

Y/n started daggers into his brown orbs. She looked at her wrist that was still in the hands of Elijah. “Let. Go.” He nodded letting go of Y/n. “You know what.” She started. Taking the bottle of tequila and just pouring it in the glass adding a little bit of mix. Stirring it then she took a sip. Testing it out. Then drinking it, no chugging it. She wanted to be drunk, but being a vampire it was hard for her to get drunk.

“I’m done. You know after flipping the switch I feel great. I’m not stuck with you. I’m not missurable. I don’t feel like I have to do anything, but what I wanna fucking do. If I wanna drink everyone in a bar dry of blood then that’s what I wanna fucking do. If I wanna off and leave then that’s what I wanna do!” She exclaimed slamming her now empty glass (besides the ice) down on the bar top. Shattering the cup because of how hard she put the cup down. “And.. I just want to be able to do whatever the hell I want without worrying about it. Hell, worry ain’t even in my mind when I don’t have the switch on. Right now I feel nothing! And you ain’t gonna do anything about it.” She spat at him.

Elijah stayed quiet. He knew this wasn’t his Y/n. This wasn’t the woman he loved. Y/n has her humanity off, this is her. He told himself. Elijah wished she would just fall into his arms flipping the switch back on, but he knew she wasn’t.

“I don’t wanna be with you Elijah. I never loved you. Hell the only reason I was with you was because I felt like I had to. I mean, did you really think I would be with you for eternity? Hell, I can barely deal with you this long. We’ve had so many fights. I should’ve just left you before it came to this. Before it came to Jason dying.”

Elijah had tears in his eyes as he looked at Y/n. He shook his head as he stood up. “You don’t mean that.” He whispered shaking his head. Y/n scoffed as she looked at him. “We love each other. We’ve loved each other since we were children.” His voice was a bit shaky but he cleared his throat trying to get the nerves out of his voice.

“Well, if I cared so much for you. If I loved you so much why would I do this?” Elijah watched Y/n a little confused. Y/n walked around the bar grabbing the wooden bar chair and slamming it against the bar. The chair shattered and she grabbed the leg of the broken chair. Before she could stop him she shoved the makeshift stake into his heart. “Goodbye, Elijah.” Vamp speeding out of the bar. Elijah fell lifeless onto the floor. His tan skin now gray and cold.

“I always knew she was a fiesty one, but did she have to stake you?” Elijah stared down at the stake he had quite literally pulled out of his heart. “I’ve seen vampires without their humanity before. But Y/n something’s.. different.” Elijah told his brother as he wiped the his blood of his hands onto a napkin. “I’ll call Marcel. Get him to clean all this up then we’ll get your wife. We’ll get her back to normal.” Klaus planned as he started dialing Marcels number. Elijah nodded as he looked around.

The bar was full of dead bodies. At least twenty people were drained. Half of the liquor bottles were empty. Elijah didn’t know how, but he knew he was going to get her back somehow.

Y/n walked down a empty street. She was too sure where she was, but that didn’t really matter to her. She had one or two cars pass her but none stopped. She didn’t care if they stopped or not she was just walking. But when a black SUV pulled up to her she made a plan.

“Hey, are you okay?” The dark skinned man asked her. His brown eyes looking her up and down for any injuries. “No, I need some help. My car broke down and I’m trying to get to a friends house just down the road here.” She spoke, making fake tears run down her face sniffing every few seconds.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride.” Y/n smiled gratefully and followed the man to the other side of the car. Y/n was right behind him as he opened the passenger seat door. Turning around quickly he injected her with a clear liquid. Her skin was burning as he injected her with what she could guess as vervain. “I-I’m go-gonna kill you.” She threaten as she fell down. He smirked as he pulled out another needle injecting her with more vervain. Him knowing she was an older vampire a little bit of vervain wasn’t keeping her down.

“Ahhhh!” She woke up screaming. Her back burning, feeling like she had took her daylight ring off her hand and decided to go on a walk.

The burning stopped and she felt her skin healing itself. Looking around as her eyes adjusted to the darkness she seen her husband and her family.

“What the hell are you guys doing to me?” Y/n spat at the mikaelson siblings. Staring dead into their eyes. It scared Rebekah seeing no emotions beind your once beautiful, but now cold dead Y/e/c eyes.

“We’re helping you, sister.” Rebekah spoke, her voice wavering just a bit. “Help me? Ha, you can’t barely help yourselves. How the fucking hell are you going to help me?” Elijah shook his head. His heart shattering at the sight of this. Klaus pulled on a rope making the sunlight come in burning Y/ns body. “Bloody hell!” Kol shouted. Walking over to Kaus and stopping him from burning Y/n too much.

“What? This is the plan.” Klaus mumbled to lowly. “Leave, I want to talk to Y/n alone.” Elijah spoke looking at Y/n not looking at anyone else. His siblings nodded silently leaving the room.

“Is this your plan? Torturing your poor wife?” Y/n asked her husband. Elijah shook his head as he leaned down to her. Looking into her eyes and sighed deeply.

“This, whoever this is. Is not my wife. My wife, is lovely and caring. She cares for the people around her. She loves her family and friends. She would give the shirt off her back for anyone. No matter who it was. You, you are not her. Your nothing. And I’m going to bring back my Y/n. The love of my life! My love! The woman who made plans, when we were just small children, to get married and to have children together. Who made the decision to turn to live eternally with me knowing she could never have children being a vampire.“ he rambled trying to bring back some emotions back to her.

He stood up and pasted. Thinking, until he knew what he had to do. Walking behind her he brought his hands up to her temples. “I’m going to show you how are lives would be if we hadn’t turned.” “No.” She whispered as he climbed up into her brain digging through memories until he reached the one when they were children. Talking about what their future together would be.

Y/n was playing in the woods with her two children, her three year old girl, Luna and her four year old son Henrik, named after his late uncle. Y/n playfully ran through the wood holding up her long vilot dress so she would trip over it.

“Ready or not, here I come, my loves.” She called, hearing small giggles she quietly walks over. “I’ve got you!” Her children squealed, trying to run away from her. Y/n smiled widely as she grabbed them and started to tickle them.

“Mama, stooop!” Henrik giggles. Luna smiled as she tried to tickle her mother. “Never!” Y/n laughed. Tickling her son then turning to her daughter tickling her. “I got you!!” Y/n tickled them playfully.

“I love you, mama.” The children said in union. Y/n smiled softly and kissed her children’s temples. “I love you more, my loves, always and forever.” The two children stood up hugging their mother. Y/n smiled as tears went down her face.

“It’s not real!” She cried. Opening her eyes, trying to get her husbands hands off her head. “Please.” She cried. “It can be real.” Elijah said. “No,” y/n cut him off. “It can’t be. We aren’t human and we never will be!” She screamed, tears falling down her face, humanity slowly but surely coming back to her. “There’s a spell, Freya came up with a spell. It’ll work. We can have a family together. You and I, we can have children together. Just like we had planned when we were human.”

Y/n looked into her husbands brown eyes, he could see all her emotions were back. She sobbed as she began remembering everything she had done. All the horrible things she had done and the things she had said to Elijah.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry!” She sobbed, Elijah sighed, his wife was finally back. She was back to her normal self. Elijah untied her pulling her shaking body into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him as he kissed her forehead. “It’s okay, it wasn’t you.”

Y/n cried for hours. Everything she had done she regretted. She kept apologizing for all the things she had said and done. Elijah carried her out of the cell and up the stairs to their shared bedroom. Lying her down on the bed he lied down next to her. “Is it true?” Y/n whispered playing with his fingers in her hand. “Is what true?” Y/n took a shaky breath in. “The spell, can we really have children?” She asked. He smiled, looking at the hope in bright in her eyes. He nodded. “Freya has been working on an elixir to make us able to have children. It works we had it tested. We can have children.” Y/n smiled as she leaned forwards kissing her husband. “I love you.” She whispered against his lips. “I love you more, my love.”

The end! ❤️🖤❤️🖤

Reblog- you love it

Comment- you really loved it and you wanted me to know or you didn’t like it and your letting me know

Note/like- you just like it.

[lady-of-glass-and-bone]

Songs & Characters Pedro Pascal

High As Hope / Florence + The Machine

Fourth and final part! Part 1 here Part 2 here and Part 3 here if you want to check them out. I’ve had a lot of fun doing this and hope to do more in the future, so if there are specific characters, albums, or artist combos you want, feel free to let me know.

Lyrics and their characters below the cut.

June / Ezra, Marcus Pike

Ezra / I hear your heart beating in your chest The world slows till there's nothing left Skyscrapers look on like great, unblinking giants (Oh)

In those heavy days in June When love became an act of defiance

Marcus Pike / You were broken-hearted and the world was too And I was beginning to lose my grip And I have always held it loosely But this time, I admit I felt it really start to slip

And choirs sing in the street And I would come to you To watch the television screen In your hotel room I'm always down to hide with you

Hunger / Max Phillips, Frankie Morales, Oberyn Martell

Max Phillips / At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then, the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

We all have a hunger We all have a hunger

Frankie Morales / I thought that love was in the drugs But the more I took, the more it took away And I could never get enough I thought that love was on the stage You give yourself to strangers You don't have to be afraid And then it tries to find a home with people, or when I'm alone Picking it apart and staring at your phone

Oberyn Martell / Tell me what you need, oh, you look so free The way you use your body, baby, come on and work it for me Don't let it get you down, you're the best thing I've seen We never found the answer but we knew one thing

And it's Friday night and it's kicking in In that pink dress, they're gonna crucify me Oh, and you in all your vibrant youth How could anything bad ever happen to you? You make a fool of death with your beauty, and for a moment

South London Forever / Marcus Pike, Maxwell Lord, Ezra

Marcus Pike / And I go home alone I drive past the place that I was born And the places that I used to drink Young and drunk and stumbling in the street Outside the Joiners Arm's like foals unsteady on their feet With the art students and the boys in bands High on E and holding hands with someone that I just met

Maxwell Lord / I thought it doesn't get Better than this There can be nothing better than this Better than this And we climbed onto the roof, the museum And someone made love in the grass And I'd forgot my name And the way back to my mother's house With your black cool eyes and your bitten lips The world is at your fingertips It doesn't get better than this What else could be better than this?

Ezra /  And we're just children wanting children of our own I want a space to watch things grow But did I dream too big? Do I have to let it go? What if one day there is no such thing as snow? Oh God, what do I know?

And I don't know anything (uh uh uh) Except that green is so green And there's a special kind of sadness that seems to come with spring

Big God / Dave York, Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels

Dave York / You keep me up at night To my messages, you do not reply You know I still like you the most The best of the best and the worst of the worst Well, you can never know The places that I go I still like you the most You'll always be my favorite ghost

You need a big god Big enough to hold your love You need a big God Big enough to fill you up

Whiskey / Sometimes I think it's getting better And then it gets much worse Is it just part of the process? Jesus Christ, it hurts Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts

Shower your affection, let it rain on me And pull down the mountain, drag your cities to the sea Shower your affection, let it rain on me Don't leave me on this white cliff Let it slide down to the, slide down to the sea Slide down to the, slide down to the sea

Sky Full Of Song / Frankie Morales, Din Djarin, Javier Peña

Frankie Morales / Grab me by my ankles, I've been flying for too long I couldn't hide from the thunder in a sky full of song And I want you so badly but you could be anyone I couldn't hide from the thunder in a sky full of song

Hold me down, I'm so tired now Aim your arrow at the sky Take me down, I'm too tired now Leave me where I lie

Din Djarin / And I can tell that I'm in trouble When that music starts to play In a city without seasons It keeps raining in L.A. I feel like I'm about to fall The room begins to sway And I can hear the sirens But I cannot walk away

Grab me by my ankles I've been flying for too long I couldn't hide from the Thunder in a sky full of song And I want you so badly But you could be anyone I couldn't hide from the thunder In a sky full of song

Javier Peña /  How deeply are you sleeping Or are you still awake? A good friend told me You've been staying out so late Be careful, oh, my darling Oh, be careful what it takes From what I've seen so far The good ones always seem to break

Grace / This one really stumped me, maybe give it a listen and let me know what you think?

Patricia / Javier Peña

Javier Peña / You're a real man, and you do what you can You only take as much as you can grab with two hands With your big heart, you praise God above But how's it working out for you, honey? Do you feel loved?

I drink too much coffee and I think of you often In a city where reality has long been forgotten Are you afraid? 'Cause I'm terrified But you remind me that it's such a wonderful thing to love

100 Years / Ezra, Marcus Moreno, Din Djarin

Ezra / Funerals were held all over the city The youth bleeding in the square And women raged as old men fumbled and cried We're sorry, we thought you didn't care, oh And how does it feel now you've scratched the itch How does it feel? And pulled out all your stitches Hubris is a bitch

Marcus Moreno / I believe in you and in our hearts we know the truth And I believe in love and the darker it gets, the more I do Try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light And the days will become endless and never, and never turn to night And never, and never turn to night

Then it's just too much, I cannot get you close enough A hundred arms, a hundred years, you can always find me here And Lord, don't let it break this, let me hold it lightly Give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly

Din Djarin /  I let him sleep, and as he does My held breath fills the room with love It hurts in ways I can't describe My heart bends and breaks so many, many times And is born again with each sunrise And is born again with each sunrise

We have no need to fight We raise our voices and let our hearts take flight Get higher than those planes can fly Where the stars do not take sides

The End Of Love / Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels

We were a family pulled from a flood You tore the floorboards up And let the river rush in Not wash away, wash away

We were reaching in the dark That summer in New York And it was so far to fall But it didn't hurt at all You let it wash away, wash away

No Choir / Pero Tovar

And it's hard to write about being happy 'Cause, the older I get I find that happiness is an extremely uneventful subject And there will be no grand choirs to sing No chorus could come in About two people sitting doing nothing

But I must confess I did it all for myself I gathered you here to hide from some vast unnameable fear But the loneliness never left me I always took it with me But I can put it down in the pleasure of your company

And if tomorrow it's all over At least we had it for a moment Oh darling, things seem so unstable But for a moment we were able to be still

[talkfastromance4]

Castaway (l.h)

Summary: In which Luke is left broken and untethered from a toxic relationship and Michael’s younger sister visits bringing her own light into his darkness.

Warnings: toxic relationship tendencies (fighting, throwing things), panic attack, smut, some swearing and I think that’s all

Word Count: 16.9K

author’s note: I’m so excited to finally share this with you! I started this fic about like 6 months ago and I finally finished it! I hope you enjoy it and feedback is always welcome❤

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Masterlist

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

• • • •

Growing up it was undeniable the infatuation Michael’s younger sister Emmeline (Emmy) had for one of his best friends, Luke Hemmings. She was shy on principle but when Luke was around it increased by tenfold. She stammered a lot and blushed like crazy, which resulted in Michael teasing her about it in secret but never in front of his friends, even though they knew.

Emmy was sweet, innocent and so short compared to the four of them they graced her with the nickname of Pipsqueak, or Pip for short. When the band left to tour for the first time, Emmy missed her brother like crazy. Being so close to Michael for so long and watching him be halfway across the world was hard.

Both of them had grown up without the other, and it took a toll on Michael as well as Emmy because he adored his little sister and facetimed as much as he could or called her on the phone. He’d relay the boys’ greetings to her until all three of them appeared in the shot acting like the goofballs that they were.

Emmy tried to keep her gaze on all of them but she always ended up staring at Luke. More often than not he’d be staring at her as well, his crystal blue eyes zeroed in on her until Calum did something completely ridiculous thus snapping Luke out of his trance. She loved seeing the ghost of his infectious smile appear, and she adored his shyness because she related to it. And then she’d be right back laughing with her brother and his best friends while they did wacky stuff to make her smile.

When the band went on their hiatus, they still didn’t come home so Emmy flew out to them after Michael informed her they’d been writing again. She’d finished school and pursued a job in childcare.

It’s been almost three years since they went in the shadows but Michael promised something was in the works. At the end of the summer she’d be joining them to Bali as well which she was really excited about.

Walking through the terminal she looked around for a sign of her brother’s artfully colored hair over the crowd of average height people and she spotted him.

“Mikey!” she squeals running steadfast to her brother.

“Ems!” he shouts in the same demeanor, his arms open wide and she lunges into them. He lifts her up, her feet dangling in the air as the siblings hug after so long.

“You changed your hair,” they say at the same time when he released her then they laughed.

He went back to his natural blonde and she dyed hers a pretty dark brown.

“I like it, dark suits you,” he comments picking up a strand in between his fingers.

“Thanks,” she smiles then glances around. “Where’s Crystal?”

“Cleaning,” he chuckles, “she wanted the house to be perfect for you when you arrived. I told her it’s just you but she wouldn’t listen.”

Emmy pouts, she hates when people go over the top for her, it’s not necessary and completely not worth the trouble.

“She didn’t—“

“I know,” Michael closes his eyes sighing. “Come on, people are beginning to notice me.”

“My brother the rock star,” Emmy smiles proudly but follows him as he takes her bags. The rest will be delivered to his house, she’s staying with him and Crystal for the summer and traveling to Bali with them and the boys.

“Other rock stars are excited to see you, too,” Michael mentions once they’re buckled in his car.

“I’m excited to see them, too,” Emmy smiles shaking her leg as if to showcase her anticipation. One in particular.

“If Luke seems a bit . . . standoffish, it’s not you. All right?”

“Because of what happened with . . . her?” Emmy makes a face.

Michael puffs his cheeks and blows the air out in exasperation. “Yeah. He’s been staying with Ashton. He’s still trying to bounce back to himself. Don’t say anything.”

“You know I won’t.”

“I know, you’re a good egg,” he reaches over and pinches her cheek, “Pipsqueak.”

•••••

Crystal is hugging Emmy before she’s even halfway through the door, Michael shuffling past two of his favorite people to bring in the luggage. Crystal is gushing over Emmy’s hair and telling her about the new sheets she got for her room because ‘you aren’t just a guest so it should be your room.’

“I’m so glad you’re here, the guys are coming over for a little welcome party for you. So if you need to take a nap or shower, please do, okay?”

“Okay, thanks Crys,” Emmy finally gets a few words in. She loves Crystal’s bubbly personality and it makes her a little more extroverted.

After her nap, Emmy heads downstairs and into the kitchen where she hears all the voices. When she enters, Ashton shouts “Pipsqueak!” and she’s bombarded with two tall men hugging and ruffling her hair.

“You haven’t grown at all, Pip,” Calum grins patting her head.

“Shut up,” she grumbles nudging his hand away but she’s laughing along with them. “You guys just have a weird genome make-up.”

“All right fancy pants,” Ashton chuckles. “Want a drink? We’re going out for the best steak in your honor but we need a drink beforehand.”

“Is that so?” she raises her eyebrows but follows them. She notices Luke standing off in the corner, his own mixed drink in his hand. Emmy falters when she sees him.

It’s been about 3 years and he’s grown. In many senses of the word. For one, he’s the tallest of the guys, even slouched over, his hair is a bit longer with hints of curls on the ends and he’s got a nice amount of facial hair. He’s still devastatingly handsome but Emmy can see the toll the breakup has had on him.

His eyes are bloodshot with dark circles underneath them, his cheeks are a little sunken in and his whole body language is screaming ‘despair.’ Emmy’s always been able to read the emotions off of others and it broke her heart to see Luke in this state. It made her uneasy but remembered what her brother said and forced herself not to draw attention to him but she gave him a small smile.

So instead, she pulled her attention back to Calum and Ashton who were fighting over what kind of drink Emmy would want.

“If you guys came home for my legal birthday you’d know I love Malibu and pineapple juice,” she teases.

Calum and Ashton look at each other then nod. “We’re ignoring that jab, Pip,” Ashton says, “but I’ll make that drink.”

From the corner of her eye, Luke’s watching the whole scene before him. She’s not hurt in the slightest from his lack of interaction, she can understand where he’s coming from. When he’s ready, he’ll make his presence known.

Hopefully.

After their cocktails are finished they head out to the restaurant. Luke somehow has a hat and sunglasses on as they enter the building. Clearly he doesn’t want his photo taken but the paparazzi are around and will take snapshots of what they want.

Emmy expected this, she prepared herself for the moment when the time came. But prepping your mind and actually experiencing it are two very, very different things. Instinctively, she went to Michael who tucked her under his arm immediately ushering her and Crystal past the photographers.

“I’d say you get used to it, but you really don’t,” Michael sighs.

“It’s fine,” Emmy shakes her head. But inside she was having a slight panic attack. How did they do this day after day? People calling your name and shoving a camera in your face?

Luke removed his hat and sunglasses following the group to the table in the private room upstairs. He hasn’t seen Emmy in a long time, but she’s still cute and tiny as ever. He wanted to say hi, he really did. He wanted to give her a hug and call her by the nickname they created for her, he really did.

But his wounds are still bleeding fresh and he doesn’t want to drop his toxicity on her who has always been her own little ball of light. He listened to the conversation, hummed or did a half smile at all the right parts. But lyrics and piano notes filled his head. He was itching to write but whatever he wrote always came out as garbage.

When dinner was over, they exited the restaurant but the photographers increased with some fans screaming. They all huddled together, with Luke bringing up the caboose and also right behind Emmy. He towered over her, and it’s because of that he noticed she was about to fall when he steadied her back on her feet. Some fans would do anything for a picture.

“Keep walking, Pip,” he told her still holding onto her waist to make sure she didn’t almost fall again.

Her head snapped to the side when the nickname slipped from his lips. She smiles up at him and without even thinking, Luke smiled back. Not a half smile but an actual smile. His long fingers hung lightly on her waist as he ushered her towards the car. He didn’t let go until she was safely in her seat, she flashes him another smile.

For the whole ride back to her brother’s house, Emmy’s skin still burned where Luke’s hands grabbed onto her. She’d thought after all these years, of her growing up, her crush on Luke had disappeared. But then he smiled at her and she was right back to where she started.

•••••

Luke has been in sort of a hazy daze since his horrendous break-up, he couldn’t sleep at his home so he crashed at Ashton’s a lot. Ashton kept him in check by watching his alcohol consumption and amount of weed he smoked, making sure it was kept at a minimal rather than a mess he did not want to clean up.

Ashton offered words of advice and encouragement but the youngest brother of his was like a shell, empty and void of color. When he looked at Luke, he paled in comparison to who he truly was. His exuberant color faded as soon as things began to go bad with Lea, they didn’t even get to be bad because it went straight to worse.

When they’d go out on the town it always ended with her stalking off with attitude and Luke would be his sweetest self, trying to figure out what was wrong. Then she’d get mad that he didn’t already know and they’d fight all the way back to his home, making the car ride extremely uncomfortable for the driver.

Then it went from worse to catastrophic at the snap of a finger, and it was at the fingers of Lea. She spit harsh words at him, degrading words, words that told him he was of no value and she finished her tirade with knocking over a potted plant and throwing a vase full of (now dead) flowers against the wall.

She threatened to leave him, and at that point Luke had no idea what the hell to do anymore so he let her. That caused another infamous Lea scene as she threw her things into a suitcase all while cursing his name and their relationship as she did so. Before she left in a tornado of cruelty, she yanked the chain around her neck that held Luke’s favorite ring he gave her and chucked it at him.

It hit his chest lightly, falling intricately and ironically into a figure eight at his feet. The door slammed and she was gone. And Luke was hollow.

It was nearing midnight when Ashton’s phone rang, Calum was over and they exchanged a look of worry when Luke’s face appeared on the screen. They knew it was something bad.

“Luke--?” Ashton answered right away but stopped when he tried to listen to his dear friend utterly breaking down. He could only get out a few choice words: left . . . Lea . . . gone . . . forever . . . necklace . . . fucking crazy . . .

Ashton did his best to soothe him over the phone all while motioning for Cal to call Michael and he picked up his keys.

He told Luke to breathe. He told Luke to count to ten and try breathing again. He told Luke he and Calum and Michael were on their way. He told Luke to hold on.

It was a disaster zone when they arrived. The big ugly potted plant (that Lea insisted on buying) was turned over on the floor, dirt spread everywhere. Broken glass scattered the floor as well, along with water and dead flowers and Luke was in the midst of destruction with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands.

“Shit,” Ashton hissed running to him immediately. Calum called Michael again this time in a panic, his eyes wide at one of his best friends, his brother, coming completely unraveled in Ashton’s arms.

“Luke, Luke, listen to me, you can’t stay on the floor,” Ashton said trying to pry his fingers from his face. “Let’s go outside, yeah? You need fresh air.”

After some more coaxing, Luke finally heaved himself off the floor with the help of Ashton just as Michael came through the door. His eyes widened at what he saw, Ashton nodded to the mess then to them before ushering Luke out in the back. His hold on the younger boy’s shoulders were strong and present, ready and able to catch him if he fell.

Calum and Michael got to work right away cleaning up the mess Lea left behind. Michael picked up the necklace setting it on the countertop. They knew the mess was more than broken glass and spilled dirt, the mess was inside Luke because she worked her way in his psyche. The mess was far from being treated.

•••••

Luke had completely forgotten that Emmy would be coming to stay with Michael and Crystal, but he forgets things easily these days. He’s still in a fog but at least he’s not getting drunk and high every night now.

He made sure to watch his intake and stayed clear of weed, which the boys also cleared their stash because Luke was far more important than a momentary buzz. So when he arrived at Michael’s he was confused as to why they hadn’t left yet.

“Emmy’s still napping from her flight,” Crystal explained taking a sip from her pink wine.

As Luke’s face remained a state of confusion, four pairs of eyes stared at him helplessly.

“Remember, Ems is staying with us for the summer?” Michael asks slowly.

Not wanting to look like he was still shattered, Luke acted like he remembered.

“Oh, right I knew that. Forgot she got in today, that’s all,” he shrugged.

The relaxed exhale from them all eased him a bit, but he still felt like an idiot so he poured himself a glass of whatever was in front of him.

He shuffled to the corner, which has become his safe place lately. He’s still present with his company but he doesn’t have to keep talking and he’s thankful they gave him the space he needed. He didn’t really want to go out tonight, he wanted to go back home and sleep.

“Pipsqueak!” Ashton shouts very loudly it almost caused Luke to drop his glass.

When he looked up he saw Ashton and Calum hugging Emmy, he couldn’t see her though, Ash and Cal were like walls blocking his view. When they finally released her, Luke couldn’t help but stare.

The sweet girl he’d known growing up wasn’t present anymore. She was still tiny so her nickname they came up with still fit. Instead of her light blond hair like Michael’s, he was looking at a dark brunette and it really brought out her eyes which were a striking deep blue.

While Ashton chattered about what type of drink she’d like, Luke kept his eyes on them and Emmy kept glancing his way. He sucked in a breath ready to say a hello but she never brought him into the group.

At first he was hurt, was he really not that important for her to acknowledge him? Then when he caught her eye again she gave him a kind smile that was missed by everyone else but him. He exhaled gratefully, that greeting was enough.

When they were leaving the restaurant Luke cursed to himself in his head at the photographers that seemed to multiply, along with some fans. He ended up in the back by Emmy and he towered over her completely. Was she always that small? Luke couldn’t remember.

But his height came in handy sometimes, like now when he noticed her stumble slightly in front of him and before she fell on her face he reached out to prevent it.

“Keep walking, Pip,” the words slipped out of his mouth without missing a beat. She turned to look up at him and smiled which he also returned very easily. Her body was warm as he guided her a bit more quickly to the car.

When he helped her climb in, she shot him another smile but he didn’t reciprocate that one. He’d smiled twice that day, and each time was due to Emmy. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

•••••

On the third day of Emmy being with her brother, she decided to make lemon poppy seed muffins, but with real lemons. Both Michael and Crystal took their respective cars to do whatever they had to do so she couldn’t drive to the store and get fresh lemons. Then she remembered Ashton had a lemon tree in his backyard.

When she texted him asking if she could use some, he told her absolutely but he was out shopping with Cal and told her Luke would be home so she could go right over. Emmy chewed on her bottom lip, she didn’t want to bother Luke but her need to have lemon poppy seed muffins was greater.

It took her nearly twenty minutes to walk to his house but it was a nice day so she didn’t mind too much. With a deep breath she knocked on the door and hit the doorbell. If he didn’t answer in the next twenty seconds, she’d call it quits and head back to her brother’s. When she counted to eight the door opened and revealed Luke still looking a little disheveled like last night.

Dark circles were still present under his eyes, and he just looked exhausted. He was wearing a white t-shirt and faded skinny jeans.

“Uh, hi!” Emmy greets her voice a little high. “Um, I’m making lemon poppy seed muffins but I don’t have a car or lemons and Ashton said I could take some from his tree and he said you were home. So . . .”

She said everything in such a rush Luke stares at her in confusion until her explanation marinates in his brain. She needed lemons.

“Yeah, all right.” He mumbles opening the door wider and lifting his arm up higher. “It’s in the back.”

She pauses for a moment waiting for him to move out of the way, when he doesn’t she ducks under his arm (though she could have easily walked normally because he was that tall) and enters the house. Emmy glances around at her surroundings before seeing a sliding door to the backyard.

The tree was a bit taller than her and it had a lot of lemons much to her excitement. She took care in picking the perfect ones, she needed six, then looked up at Luke as he shuffles in the opening.

“Do you have a plastic bag I can put these in?” she asks.

He nods silently then disappears back in the house. Emmy sighs feeling a little jaded at his silence but she reminds herself to give him space. She went through something similar with her most recent ex. Time does heal all wounds, it’s just annoying when you don’t know how much time exactly it will take.

When Luke returns she smiles a thank you and pours her gathering into the plastic. She loops the handles through her fingers stepping back into the house.

“Did you walk here?” he asks from behind. Emmy spins around to face him, his brows are pulled together.

“Yeah, it’s only a twenty minute walk,” she shrugs continuing her path to the front door.

“Hang on, I’ll drive you. My car’s out front.”

“Oh, no. Luke, you don’t have to—“

He already snatched his keys and brisked past her out the front door.

“All right, then,” she sighs following him. She makes sure to lock the door so no robbers come to Ashton’s house. She slides into Luke’s sleek black car and buckles herself in.

She doesn’t notice Luke smirk at that, it’s a ten minute drive did she really think they’d hit something? He doesn’t say anything and drives to Michael’s house.

He pulls into the driveway not bothering to put it in park.

“Thank you,” she says then stops when she’s halfway out. She looks back at him and asks, “Do you want to help me make them?”

“You’re—what?” he had his automatic response to say ‘you’re welcome’ ready but her question caught him off guard.

“Muffins,” she lifts the bag, “want to help me?”

He stares at her with his mouth open. She wanted him to stay and help make muffins? Why would she want him to help?

Why did he put the car in park and get out following the short girl inside?

She rolls the lemons out of the bag, catching the ones that were a bit more dangerous of rolling off the counter then she began prattling of directions for him to do. Luke had no idea why he listened, he had no idea how to make muffins from scratch. He sighs doing what she says, it’s better than being alone doing nothing.

“The glaze is the best part,” she says while she’s pouring the batter into the colorful muffin cups. “It’ll taste even better since we used real lemon. Did you know poppy seeds come up on urine tests as drugs?” she giggles at her little known fact and Luke smiles at her.

“I eat so many of these that I’d probably look like I’m on a constant high,” she continues as if his smile was enough of a response. Luke appreciates that.

When the pans are full she places them on the racks and Luke catches himself staring at her ass as she bends over, her jean shorts fit her perfectly. He averts his gaze back to the glaze he was mixing.

What the hell was that? Did he really just check out Emmy’s ass?

“Do you want some tea? We can sit outside while we wait for them to be done,” she says already pulling the pitcher from the fridge.

Luke clears his throat, “sure.”

He follows her outside to the patio, the pool water glistening in the LA sun and she sits on one of the chairs around the small bonfire pit. He sits in the one next to her and take a big gulp from his iced tea. It was perfectly sweet.

“I made that this morning, I hope it taste okay,” she says.

“’ts perfect,” he comments running his thumb over the condensation that’s already formed.

They sit in a comfortable silence but he can feel her gaze on him the whole time. Normally he would snap at anyone who would stare but he didn’t feel the need to. He knew she was analyzing him. She’s been that way since she was little but he didn’t want to talk about him or his feelings.

“Hey, Luke?”

“Hm?” he hums still looking at the droplets on his glass.

“You don’t have to now, or ever, but if you ever do want to talk I’m a good listener. I’ve gone through the same thing.”

He looks up at her in surprise, eyebrows raised.

“Just wanted you to know,” she smiles shyly then takes a sip of her tea before looking back at the pool.

They sit in a comfortable silence sipping their iced tea until the alarm on her phone goes off signifying the muffins being done.

“Come on,” she says lightly. To his surprise she grabs his hand in hers towing him inside to the kitchen.

She made it seem like the easiest thing in the world, grabbing his hand and Luke couldn’t deny that he really, really liked it. Despite her being so much smaller than him, her hand fit in his perfectly. To his dismay she let go as soon as she picked up the oven mitts and opened the oven.

He felt the heat engulf the air surrounding them, she sighs happily as she sets the first tray of muffins down.

“They’re perfectly brown,” she gushes, her big blue eyes staring up at him happily before going to get the other pans.

Once all the trays were laid out, she carefully tipped them over letting the muffins tumble out onto the counter. Without her telling him Luke began facing them right side up.

“Careful,” she murmurs without a second thought.

Luke glances at her, it seemed so easy for her to be concerned about him. To have his best interests at heart; first with what she said out by the pool and now telling him not to burn himself on the muffins. Two vastly different things, but still. It filled Luke with a warmth he hasn’t experienced in a long time.

“Okay!” she claps her hands once the mitts are off. “You can put the glaze on.”

“Me?” he asks watching her clean up the pans in the sink, the cool water hisses as it touches the hot pans.

“Yeah, you made the glaze, you can put it on.”

“I don’t want to do it wrong,” he furrows his eyebrows.

“There’s no wrong way to do it,” she giggles grabbing the bowl of lemon glaze and a spoon. “You can drizzle, you can plop as much as you want on it, you can even make . . .” she took the spoon scraping the gooey goodness onto it then dabs two circles and a smile beneath them. “A smiley face. Here.”

She hands him the muffin she decorated and Luke smiled back at the happy muffin.

“He’s cute,” Luke chuckles softly picking up the spoon and getting to work.

They continue to work in silence, him decorating (he made muffins look like the guys and was working particularly hard on one) while she continued to clean the kitchen of their baking mess.

“Finished?” she asks.

“Don’t look yet,” he turns his back blocking her view from his masterpiece.

“What are you doing to that muffin?” she laughs trying to sneak a peek. “Don’t be naughty!”

“I’m not being naughty, Pip,” he chuckles. “It has to be perfect, look at the other ones. Guess which one’s your brother.”

She scans the other muffins then giggles when she notices one with ‘hair’ covering it’s eyeballs. It was actually quite good for only using glaze.

“Okay, finished.” He spins around holding the muffin in his palm.

Emmy steps a little closer peering at the muffin. He seemed to have taken the most time with this one. The eyes are big, the mouth looks pretty and he drizzled the sides so it looked like hair.

“Is that . . . supposed to be me?” she mumbles looking up at him.

His eyes soften when they make eye contact and he bites his bottom lip before nodding. “Yeah. Do you like it?”

She smiles slowly, glancing back at the muffin and the way he’s holding it so it wouldn’t fall on the floor.

“I love it, looks just like me,” she giggles again.

He sets it down on the counter gingerly, leaning his hand on the counter as he leans closer to her. His blond hair falls in front of his eyes.

“Thanks for all of this,” he says gently.

“For making muffins?”

“No, well, yes but for not pushing for answers or explanations or asking how I’m feeling. It’s nice not being looked at like a china doll.”

She stares up at him in shock, that’s the most he’s said to her since she got here a few days ago. She’s noticed how deep his voice is, how sultry it sounds and how it makes her knees weak.

“You’re welcome, Luke,” she rests her hand on top of his. “Believe me when I say that I know exactly what you’re going through. Trust me.”

He frowns at that, how could someone who radiates light and happiness know what it’s like to deal with the aftermath of a toxic relationship and a nuclear break up? How could someone have done that to her?

“You do?”

“Yeah, and it does get better. No one else can fix it but you, and it takes time.”

“Who hurt you? Mike never said—“

“Michael never knew,” she shakes her head. “It all happened while you were touring. I couldn’t bother him with it, there was nothing he could have done anyway. And now it’s over and I’m better and it’s done with,” she shrugs.

“What happened?”

She opens her mouth to reply when the front door bangs open and Michael’s already chattering away.

“I smell food! Delicious food!” he exclaims entering the kitchen.

Luke and Emmy break away from each other instantly, Luke’s hand already feels cold without hers on top of his. Instead he uses it to rub the back of his neck.

“What did you—oh. Luke! What’re you doing here?” Michael smiles excitedly upon seeing his best friend while Emmy giggles at her brother’s antics.

“He helped me make muffins from Ashton’s lemon tree,” she explains.

Michael glances between Luke, the muffins and Emmy, then repeats the action twice more before shaking his head in disbelief.

“Wow, that’s great. Are you sure Ashton said you could use his lemons?” he peers closer at the muffins taking a whiff of the lemony scent.

“Yes, I called him.”

“Why didn’t you go to the store?”

“Hm, maybe because I don’t have a car? Duh.”

“Okay sassy pants,” Michael laughs, “you could have called an Uber.”

“That’s just stupid. I’d pay for the car then I’d have to pay for the lemons and pay again for a ride home? Ashton’s was closer. And free,” she grins triumphantly and Luke smiles.

Her logic was pretty spot on.

Michael stares at Luke for a moment, he hasn’t seen him smile—a genuine smile—in who knows how long. “Fair point. I’ll rent a car for you to drive while you’re here.”

“I can drive her,” Luke suggests with a slight shrug.

Both Clifford’s turn their attention to the quiet blond. Emmy’s eyes are glowing and Michael is staring at him like he’s got two heads and a unicorn horn.

“Really?” she asks.

“Yeah, really? You don’t have to, Luke, you’re not her chauffer,” Michael shakes his head. What the hell is going on with him?

“I don’t mind. It’ll give me something to do, it’s no big deal,” he shrugs again then looks between both siblings. “Really.”

“Thanks Luke,” Emmy smiles.    

•••••

Emmy: hey muffin man, want to get some fro-yo? Mike and crys don’t want to L

Luke: it’s like 10 at night, aren’t they closed?

Emmy: all but one ;) I’ll send you the address. Pretty please?!

Luke: all right lol I’ll be there in 5

Emmy: thanks muffin man, you’re the best

 Ashton peeks his head out of his drum room, his headphones hung around his neck. He heard Luke exit his room and jingle his keys.

“Where are you going?” Ashton asks trying not to sound surprised.

“Fro-yo,” Luke says simply.

“By yourself?”

“No, I’m going to pick up Emmy.” He fits his snapback on his head then turns to Ashton as if waiting for him to stop him.

“Oh. Okay. Have fun, mate,” Ashton smiles but inside he’s screaming in excitement. Luke nods his goodbye then leaves through the garage. Ashton immediately calls Calum to tell him the news.

It’s been so long since Luke has wanted to go out and actually do something since what happened with Lea. Yes, it was eleven months ago but he was still hurting. They could all feel it, and now, with Emmy being here for only a week, she’s got him making muffins and going to get fro-yo at ten thirty at night.

•••••

Luke couldn’t help but glance at Emmy while he drove down the street, she looked undeniably cute in her pair of black leggings and long sleeved shirt. She took her flip flops off and sat cross legged on her seat because she’s small and she can.

He had a permanent smile on his face listening to her rant and rave about this 24 hour frozen yogurt place called Moon-Glo that she found on Google. She was reading off all the flavors they had for the night and he could already tell which ones she was going to get.

He had the worst desire to reach over, take her hand and kiss her knuckles while he drove. He shook his head trying to clear the thought but ever since they made muffins a few days ago, he’s been thinking of her nonstop.

Thinking of her also made him think of the guy who put her through a bad break up. He wanted to know what happened, how she dealt with it and how that guy could possibly let someone like Emmy go.

“Hey, you over there,” she says.

He feels her finger scratch at his elbow gently to get his attention and he looks over.

“Hm?” he hums.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Um . . .” he heaves a big sigh turning into the parking lot of the yogurt shop. He puts the car in park but keeps it running. “What happened, with your last relationship?”

He chews on the inside of his lip, gripping the steering wheel waiting for a response. When he hears her sigh he risks looking her way. He was expecting her to be angry but her lips were pursed, which he couldn’t help but find adorable even under his heavy question.

“Let’s get our yogurt first.”

“Right,” he mutters shutting off his car.

When they enter the small shop it’s designed to look like the moon. Craters are painted on the floor, walls and the ceiling. Little astronaut men stand on the tables and neon lights are displayed above the yogurt machines, making the flavors appear to glow in the dark.

“This is so cool!” Emmy gasps then takes Luke’s wrist dragging him to the counter that has the little testing cups. Taking a risk, he twists his hand in her grasp so he can grab onto her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. He finds a small victory that she doesn’t yank away. “Let’s try them all.”

They held hands while they sampled the flavors, except the peanut ones, and Luke was over the moon (pun intended). She decided on a black cherry with vanilla, and added fruit and caramel and little gummi bears. She topped it off with a cherry.

Luke went for chocolate and added Oreo crumbles with coconut shavings. He paid for her and he noticed her cheeks turn rosy. He had to stop himself from bending down and kissing them.

“You want to eat in here?” he asks grabbing two spoons, they’re silver with a moon on the end of the handle.

“Let’s go in your car,” she shook her head then turned to the cashier and smiled radiantly. “Thank you, have a good night.”

“Uh, you too.”

Luke nodded to the cashier then held the door open for Emmy. There was a slight breeze as they walked to his car and slid in. He turned it on so that his playlist could be heard softly in the background.

“Mm,” she hums as she take the first few spoonfuls. “This is my new favorite place. Wow. Okay. So you want to know about Mason?”

“Only if you’re comfortable,” he assures spooning his own treat. “That’s his name? Mason?”

“Yep. We broke up two years ago. I didn’t realize how bad of a relationship it was until it was over. He talked to this girl constantly that I never had a good feeling about, he’d make plans without telling me and I’d go along with them. He’d ignore me when we were with his friends. Then he wanted to be on a break because I became too clingy apparently.

“Then he broke up with me over text and the next day he was in a relationship with the girl he was talking to. Then they both harassed me and I was . . . I was in a bad place. I didn’t eat. I wasn’t sleeping. I listened to sad music all the time and I was just . . . not okay. It was hard. I cried constantly and I never interacted with my friends anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Emmy,” Luke says softly. He shifts in his seat to face her properly. “He’s an idiot for letting you go like that. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

“Thank you, and it’s okay,” she shrugs taking another spoonful. “I don’t know how I did it but somehow I pulled myself out of the hole I let myself fall into. Talking to you guys on Facetime really helped, even though I had to fake it most of the time.”

Luke thinks back to the times they’d walk in on Michael speaking with her on the phone. They’d act like complete idiots but Emmy would laugh all the same.

All that time she was heartbroken? And none of them noticed?

“I should’ve—we should’ve noticed you weren’t yourself. I’m sorry, lovie, we could have helped—“

“You did. Just by being your goofy selves and making fun of Mikey made me feel better. You guys made me laugh when I thought I couldn’t.”

She doesn’t comment on the term of endearment that slipped out and he didn’t bring attention to it either. But God, did it feel good to call her that. It felt so natural.

“Honestly, Luke don’t worry about it. I’m better now, I promise.”

“You handle yourself a lot better than I do,” he grimaces swirling his contents in his bowl. “After what happened with Lea, I drank and smoked every day. From whenever I woke up to whenever I went to sleep. That’s why I’m at Ashton’s house a lot, he’s kept me in check.”

“We all handle our hurts differently,” her finger close around his wrist.

Luke tenses slightly at the unexpected touch then relaxes when she rubs circles into his skin.

“But let’s talk about something happier. How’s your fro-yo?”

•••••

“Your sister should have come out earlier,” Ashton tells Michael.

“Like ten months earlier,” Calum agrees drinking from his beer. They’re sat in the living room watching Michael play a video game.

“Honestly, I have no idea what she’s doing but it’s working. Luke seems more like himself than he has in the past year and a half,” Michael says. His thumbs working furiously on the buttons of his controller.

“Do you think they’re just hanging out or doing other . . . things?” Calum asks carefully side eyeing Michael.

Michael pauses the game turning slowly to Calum, his face is expressionless sans the anger in his eyes.

“That’s my little sister, Cal,” he says in a warning voice.

“I know! But she’s not little anymore, and she did have a crush on Luke growing up. They’re both adults spending some time together, y’know, things happen,” he shrugs as if it’s not a big deal.

“Okay, I’ll remember that next time Mali hangs out with Trey,” Michael snaps and Calum’s eyes widen.

“What? Who’s Trey?”

“Guys,” Ashton tries to break up the fight before it happens.

“Just a guy she’s hanging out with, no big deal right? Cause they’re probably sleeping together.”

“That’s my sister!”

“Now you see my point!”

“Guys! Bigger picture, please!” Ashton shouts this time and the other two fall silent. “You should see him at the house whenever Emmy texts or calls him. I swear he’s becoming himself again.”

“What would you do if they are dating?” Calum asks.

“Nothing I could do is there? She’s her own person, he’s my best friend. They can do what they want, but if he breaks her heart I’ll give him hell.”

“I thought I was your best friend,” Calum frowns.

“You’re all my best friends,” Michael sighs, “We’ve been over this a hundred times. Are they dating?”

“Where even are they anyway?” Calum asks looking around.

“Luke said they were going mini golfing and to a movie,” Ashton grins.

“They’re definitely dating,” Calum nods.

•••••

The movie they went to see didn’t end until about 1 a.m. they went to a late showing and it was about three hours long. Emmy loved it even though she cried and Luke didn’t hesitate in wiping her tears away from her cheeks.

“Hey, can we go to—“

“Moon Glo?” he smiles looking her way and she squeals in happiness.

“You’re the best,” she claps her hands excitedly and Luke chuckles.

They ordered the same thing as last time and sat talking in his car until Emmy began to yawn. Luke took her empty bowl and threw it out along with his in the garbage on the sidewalk. When he got back she blinked slowly at him.

“Time to take you home, Pip,” he murmurs pulling his seatbelt across himself and starting the car.

“Don’t wanna,” she sighs with a pout.

“You’re sleepy,” he chuckles. “I won’t have you sleep in my car, it’s not that comfortable.”

“Fine,” she sighs.

Emmy does end up falling asleep on the drive back and Luke thinks she looks horribly adorable with her head resting on the middle of the console. Her lips are pursed and her long lashes cast shadows on her round cheeks. He sighs longingly as he pulls into Michael’s driveway and he brushes her hair from her face.

“Hey, we’re home,” he says softly near her ear, “Emmy, wake up.”

She groans but blinks her eyes open slowly.

“Come on, sleepy girl,” he chuckles unlocking her belt. He catches it so it doesn’t strike her face and lets it retract slowly.

She unfurls her legs and Luke scrambles out of the car to open her door. He helps her unlock the front door and she nearly falls taking off her shoes. Which is odd considering she’s wearing flip-flops.

Luke steadies her and asks in a hushed voice, “Which is your room?”

“Up,” she points tiredly.

He smiles leading her to the stairs which could be an issue so he lifts her into his arms and carries her the rest of the way. He figures the room on the left is hers, it shows the skyline of the hills beautifully, and she’s always liked a good view. He lays her down gently on the bed but she clutches his sweatshirt in her fingers.

“Stay,” she demands weakly, her big doe eyes staring at him.

“I’ll be fine, I’m going back to Ash’s place—“

“No. You could hit a raccoon. Come on, just go to sleep,” she sighs shifting in the bed so he has room.

Luke’s heart is pounding in his ears at her request. “You sure?” he breathes.

“Yes. Now get in her Lucas, it’s getting cold.”

He toes off his shoes and removes his socks. Then he tugs his sweatshirt off so he’s in his t-shirt. Normally he sleeps in just his boxers but no way is he going to do that right now. He clears his throat about to climb in when she stops him.

“What are you doing?” she’s sitting up now.

“I’m—you told me to go to sleep,” he stares at her confused.

“Who sleeps in skinny jeans?” she huffs then gets out of bed and picks up an article of clothing. “These are Mike’s basketball shorts. Put those on.”

She chucks them at him and he turns around to peel off his jeans. He sighs at the looser fit of the shorts. When he spins around she’s changed into shorts and a t-shirt of her own. Damn, that’s fast.

“Better?” she asks climbing back into her bed.

“Much. Thank you,” he says then awkwardly gets into bed with her. He makes sure to stay as far from her as he can, he doesn’t want to cross any boundaries. Especially with his best friend’s younger sister.

His chivalry is tossed out the window though because she pulls him to her, his arm falling over her waist and she tickles her fingers up and down his arm.

“Now sleep,” she tells him burrowing further into her pillow.

The sound of her breathing and the light, coaxing touches of her fingers on his skin relaxes him and he closes his eyes. On average he only sleeps maybe four hours every night, so when he will inevitably wake up he’d sneak out before Michael or Crystal realized he was in bed with Emmy.

•••••

When he woke up, sunlight was streaming through the curtains. He shifted and inhaled a flowery smell mixed in with coconut; it was nice and he inhaled more. Soft giggles filled his ears and he opened his eyes to see his head nestled in Emmy’s neck.

“You’re tickling me,” she giggles again.

“Sorry,” he mumbles sleepily and he pulls his head back.

She rolls over, a smile already painted on her face. “Morning sunshine.”

“Morning,” he grumbles. His fingers rub circles on her lower back. “What time is it?”

“Almost noon.”

“Fuck. Really?”

“Yeah, you slept a long time,” her finger touch the skin below his eyes delicately. “Your eyes don’t look as dark.”

“Yours are, you’ve got mascara everywhere,” he chuckles.

“Great,” she groans. “I look like a raccoon.”

“A cute raccoon,” he grins biting his lip.

She rolls her eyes. “If you say so. I’m hungry. Let’s go get food.”

“How are you this chipper when you just wake up?” he asks rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“I’ve been awake for an hour,” she snickers then rolls out of his arms and onto the floor.

When Luke opens his bleary eyes from behind his hands, he’s transfixed by Emmy before him. Her sleep shorts rose up a bit and he’s staring straight at the bottom of her ass cheeks. He’s oh so tempted to reach out and squeeze, pulling her back into bed and onto his lap.

Woah…what?

“Are you checking me out?”

“No,” he responds too quickly averting his eyes then curses himself. He gets out of bed as well and tousles his hair.

“You’re a terrible liar,” she laughs.

Luke sighs in defeat then follows her downstairs. He hears Michael and Crystal’s voices and he gulps. He readies himself for a punch in the stomach or a clock to his face from Michael. He’s prepared to say they just slept.

“Oh my God. They’re alive!” Michael laughs from the couch, his guitar in hand. Crystal laughs beside him scrolling through her tablet. “Do you guys have a fro-yo hangover?”

“Yes, now we need hangover food. Wanna make us some French toast?” Emmy smiles with her tongue between her teeth, she makes her eyes really big and blinks them super-fast.

Luke would say yes in a heartbeat from her expression alone but Michael doesn’t give in to his sister’s shenanigans as easily.

“Nice try,” he deadpans. “Make them yourself, Pipsqueak.”

She sticks her tongue out then tugs Luke into the kitchen. Luke glances to Michael in alarm as she held his hand but he’s paying them no attention.

“Babe, you should make her breakfast. She’s our guest,” Crystal says.

“She can make her own breakfast!”

“I had to make you breakfast when we were home alone in the summer, Mikey,” Emmy calls gathering the French toast ingredients.

Then there’s a smack from Crystal and they bicker quietly together on the couch. Emmy stares up at Luke triumphantly.

“I love getting him in trouble with her.”

•••••

Their group is going out to Viral, their favorite club and Luke just came downstairs in all black with his shirt unbuttoned and two pairs of necklaces. He took a shower beforehand and he’s feeling fresh and ready to party. He’s really anxious to see Emmy.

“Hey man, ready to go?” Ashton asks with Calum behind him.

“Yeah, are the cabs coming to Michael’s?” Luke asks shoving his wallet in his back pocket.

“They’re gonna meet us there,” Calum says.

“Oh,” Luke chews on his bottom lip deflating a little. He won’t get to walk in with Emmy and see her reaction to the place. “All right.”

He’s silent in the car ride to the club, and does a bemused wave to fans that spot them outside the club before they enter. He heads to the bar as soon as they’re in the VIP section, slams down a shot then orders his usual.

Ashton and Calum are looking at him worriedly when he makes it back to their sitting area, he chooses to ignore them much like the girls who are making eyes at him. He knows who they are since he’s seen them naked before but he ignores them as well. None of them hold his interest anymore.

Except one.

He’s halfway done with his first drink, so he gets up to buy another—he’ll finish this one easily on the way—when he spots Michael and Crystal walking towards him hand in hand. Emmy’s not with them, great, she’s probably on a date—

There she is. Emmy shuffles beside her brother, her eyes landing on Luke straightaway. He smiles instinctually and veers to her direction, her smile alone pulls him. His arms slip around her easily as he embraces her in a tight hug. He squeezes her to him causing her to lift from the ground slightly and she laughs in his ear.

Everyone else around them disappears, his focus is only on her and when he sets her down on her feet he takes in her outfit. She’s wearing a pretty red romper with a black belt and ankle boots. She’s mouthwatering.

“You’re drooling,” she teases rubbing her thumb on his dry bottom lip. He knows he’s not but her touch sets his skin ablaze.

“Can you blame me?” he smiles lazily grabbing her hand. “Want something to drink?”

“A mint mojito,” she beams following him to the bar.

“Classy girl,” he smirks then flags down the bartender.

•••••

“He didn’t even look at us! Does he know we’re here?” Michael exclaims exasperatedly watching Luke and Emmy at the bar. He and Crystal joined the others sitting around the small round glass table.

“Oh leave him be,” Crystal squeezes her boyfriend’s knee. “I think it’s cute. Did you see how his face lit up when he saw her?”

“He was pretty bent up that we were meeting you here,” Calum says.

“I think he wanted to drive with Emmy,” Ashton adds.

“That’s so cute,” Crystal sighs.

“He’s lucky I know him, I wouldn’t want someone else looking at my sister like he is,” Michael sighs.

“Like what?”

“He’s looking at her like she’s the sun,” Crystal grins watching them.

•••••

Luke and Emmy join the rest of the group but make sure to sit close together, Luke’s leg is touching hers and she has her hand resting on his knee as they join in conversation. Luke nurses his second drink, he doesn’t want to be too intoxicated and forget what he and Emmy do together.

She’s taking shots and is on her fourth drink when she and Crystal head to the bathroom. As she passes by Luke, she takes his face in her hand and rubs his cheek affectionately before following Crystal to the bathroom. He watches her go with a permanent smile which quickly fades when he turns to his three best friends. All of their eyebrows are raised and Michael is staring him down.

“Uh, yes?” he asks awkwardly.

“What’s going on between you two?” Ashton giggles.

“What do you mean?”

“You were going to get plastered tonight, and I know because I saw the look in your eye, but as soon as Emmy arrived you’ve barely finished your second drink. Which probably is so watered down you can’t even taste the alcohol anymore,” Ashton explains.

“You’ve been by each other’s side the whole time,” Calum adds sipping his cocktail.

Luke doesn’t know what to say but he looks at Michael. His expression is hard to read, what with the flashing lights and the fact that he’s been drinking as well.

“Does my sister make you happy?” Michael asks.

“Of course she does!” Ashton answers for Luke very loudly. “He hasn’t been this happy in so long, and it’s all because of her, right?”

“Yeah,” Luke admits sheepishly. “I’m sorry Mike. I didn’t plan on this happening but she’s just . . . she’s something else.”

•••••

“Tell me Ems, are you and Luke dating?” Crystal asks while they’re leaning against the bathroom sinks.

“What? Why would you say that?”

“He’s spent the night nearly every night since you got here. He’s talking a lot more, he’s smiling a lot more, and you haven’t left his side the whole night.”

“I don’t know what we are, we haven’t talked about it. We haven’t even kissed yet,” Emmy sighs in disappointment.

“I can tell you, the boy is smitten with you,” Crystal winks.

“How can you tell?”

“How can you not? Did you not see the way he smiled at you when we came?” Crystal asks and Emmy blushes in response. “He’s changed a lot since you got here, he seems more like himself ever since Lea . . .”

•••••

Emmy is lost in thought as they exit the bathroom as Crystal drags her to the bar to order a shot. Luke notices them standing by the bar, he doesn’t know why but he feels like he should be over there. Even though they’re in the VIP section, creeps are still everywhere.

He’s only half listening to the guys’ conversation because his attention is on Emmy and the way she’s bouncing on her feet to the beat of the music. The way her eyes close when she laughed at something Crystal said. The way a guy grabbed her waist and pulled her against his chest.

Crystal tries to intervene but is shoved away into another guy and Luke rises immediately. He grabs Michael by the scruff of his shirt who yelps in protest.

“It’s Crystal and Emmy,” Luke hisses quickly and he bound down the stairs like lightning.

“Stop touching me!” he hears Emmy protest.

Upon hearing her voice, Luke yanks the guy off her and she stumbles back into the bar. He shoves the guy as far away from Emmy as he can then motions to security to escort him and his friend out who Michael also shoved away. He watches security take them away until he’s sure they’re gone then he feels small hands touch his arm. He turns around to see Emmy biting her lip, her eyes wide in fear and glistening.

“You’re okay,” he says quickly pressing her against him. She allows herself to be crushed against his strong chest, she already feels safe in his arms. He kisses the top of her head, rubbing her arms and back while Mike tries to console a very drunk and very angry Crystal.

“Want me to take you home?” Luke asks lowly in her ear. She nods and he takes his phone out to text the valet to bring his car around.

He looks to Michael who’s already nodding in understanding that Luke will take his sister home. Luke feels Emmy’s hot breath through his shirt as he continues to soothe her until his phone buzzes.

“Okay, come on lovie,” he says grabbing her hand. “I’ve got you.”

•••••

Emmy’s silent the whole drive to Michael’s. Luke desperately wants to reach out and hold her hand, but the vibe he’s getting from her tells him not to. He doesn’t want to touch her unless she wants him to, but he needs to make sure she’s all right.

Before he has his car in park, she’s already tripping out of the car and up the walkway. Luke sighs then follows after her up to her bedroom but the door is closed. Memories of this being from another time, with a different girl and it made his heart crack at the all too familiar feeling.

No. She’s not Lea. She’s not mad at you.

He raps his knuckles gently on her door, and calls her name softly.

“You can come in,” her muffled voice says from the other side.

He turns the knob, his eyes scanning the room until he finds her pulling out his clothes he’s kept there when he spends the night. She’s already changed into her pajamas, her make up rubbed off hastily. He stands frozen in the doorway, not entirely sure on how to approach her. If he should approach her at all.

Emmy turns then gives him a funny look.

“Get in here and change,” she sighs heavily.

“You sure you want me to stay the night?” he asks taking a hesitant step closer.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You seem mad at me,” he shrugs, “and after what happened at the club I thought you’d want to be alone.”

Her arms drop and she’s peering at him intently. She meets him halfway tossing his shirt and shorts on the bed, still looking up at him. She hears how deep he’s breathing, his eyes never leaving hers but she can see the doubt in the sky blue irises.

“Luke Hemmings, being alone is the last thing I want,” her voice is just shy of a whisper but he can hear the true emotion in it.

He swallows as she moves closer and closer, her fingers tuck his curls behind his ear. He notices how her lips are parted slightly and the way her eyes dart between his lips and his eyes.

“What do you want?” he asks thickly.

“I . . . I want you to kiss me, Luke,” she whispers.

He exhales his breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and attaches his mouth to hers, his arms snaking around her waist to her lower back. Emmy’s hands clutch onto his biceps as he kisses her with so much want and desire. One of her hands find home in his curls and she tugs gently, his tongue swipes her bottom lip then he slips it between her lips.

Luke shifts them lifting her off the ground and he sits down on the bed, Emmy instantly straddling him and their lips stay locked in a heated kiss of teeth and tongue and heavy breathing.

Emmy rises her hips from his lap and Luke slides his hands over the roundness of her ass. She makes quick work of unbuttoning his black silk shirt, pulling the fabric tucked in his jeans and shoves it off his shoulders.

Luke tosses it to his left, or behind him, he’s not sure because he’s focused on the taste of her lips. They’re slightly minty from her mojitos but also sugary from the lemon drop shots she consumed throughout the evening.

Luke kneaded his fingers in the fullness of her ass and she moaned against his mouth, her hips rocking gently against his. His hands travel north over the top part of her romper, his thumbs grazing the sides of her breasts and she nips at his lip and he takes that opportunity to kiss along her jaw. He’s sucking on her skin as he begins to work on her belt but when she sighs he smells the alcohol on her breath and he stops his actions.

He tears his lips away from her jaw and places his hands on the side of her neck. Her eyes are a little bloodshot and filled with excitement, her pretty lips parted.

“What’s wrong?”

“I should stop before I won’t be able to,” he breathes, his eyes darting between hers.

“Oh,” she deflates on top of him and he can see the instant rejection in her eyes.

“No, no, baby, it’s not because I don’t want to,” he tries to recover quickly and holds onto her tighter. “I want to so bad, but not like this.”

She studies him carefully and can hear truth in his voice and knows he’s right. But it still stings.

“Can we kiss until we fall asleep?” she asks softly playing with his necklaces.

“Hey, look at me,” he murmurs ticking her chin up so her dark blue eyes are looking in his. “That’s not even a question.”

She gets off his lap then and they both go to her bathroom to brush their teeth, making eyes at each other in the mirror. Luke watches her fondly as she washes her face free of her make-up and when she’s dried her face he takes her cheeks in his hands kissing her.

They shuffle back to her bed, Emmy crawls in first and Luke hits the light switch before joining her under the covers. In their excitement of kissing some more, her hand smacks his cheek and his presses on her hair.

“Ow!” they yelp then burst into giggles.

“Where are your lips?” she laughs.

“Trying to find yours,” he responds then feels her top lip. “Gotcha.”

They kiss in whispers and he can’t help but notice her lips have a slight taste to coconut, it must be the chapstick she put on after brushing her teeth. Emmy’s fingers thread through his growing curls while Luke’s are strong on her lower back.

“I really like you, Emmy,” he confesses in one breath when they take a break of kissing. Luke’s fingers trail up and down her bare back underneath her shirt.

It feels good to finally say it out loud. The last week and a half he’s spent with her has been the happiest he’s been in so long. She’s repairing the carved out part of his heart that Lea ruthlessly took from him. She didn’t question him or treat him like a ticking time bomb. Emmy’s thumb traces over Luke’s top lip, his heart is racing waiting for her response.

“I really like you, Luke,” she admits giving him a gentle kiss. “And I really like kissing you.”

“I really like kissing you,” a smile spreads on his face before he kisses her with all he’s got.

“And it’s okay?” she gasps out.

“What’s okay?”

“That I like you and you like me even though I’m Mikey’s little sister?”

Luke draws back, his brows furrowed.

“That’s not an issue, Emmy. Michael and I actually talked about . . . us, kind of. He’s okay with it.”

“Really?! Oh, thank God,” she sighs launching herself on top of Luke peppering kisses all over his face. He’s soon laughing beneath her then tickles her sides in retaliation. Emmy shrieks in laughter at his attack until they’re both panting to catch their breath.

•••••

Luke’s standing alone in Roy’s backyard waiting and watching for Emmy. Roy and Calum decided to throw a midsummer beach party and the place was packed. Luke and Ashton showed up together and Emmy spent the day with Michael and Crystal so they’d be coming later.

Ashton left to mingle immediately and Luke scopes out the other partygoers. Some of them he recognizes from his own party days. He nods politely as they greet him but he’d much rather have Emmy by his side. He never wanted to go back to that life he lived for what felt like forever.

He’s scrolling through his phone then smiles again at the text Emmy sent him not too long ago saying she was on her way. Then he hears an all too familiar laugh that sends a cold sweat on the back of his neck.

Luke looks up to see Lea amongst a group of people, her signature high top-bun and white rimmed sunglasses frame her face as she converses. Luke swallows harshly but it only constricts his throat further. His feet are frozen, his heart is racing and there’s a slight ringing in his ears as panic sets in.

His brain is telling him to escape as fast as he can, to find Ashton or to find Emmy who he hopes is here somewhere but the message doesn’t reach his feet. He’s stuck staring at the girl who wrecked him completely, leaving him in the sunken ship she capsized.

Lea slid her sunglasses up her head then spotted Luke who still couldn’t look away. He thinks there’s a word for it, like when you drive by an accident and you can’t look away? His mind is blank as she stares at him, a ghost of her signature smirk appears before she starts walking his way.

He’s frozen in his spot, the ringing in his ears is louder and higher pitched and all he can do is watch the tornado of a woman create her warpath in his direction.

“Hey! There you are.”

Emmy’s voice breaks through Luke’s panic, and the gentle touch of her hands on his back as she hugs him causes him to tear his eyes away from the storm and onto the light that is Emmy. He exhales in relief when he looks into her eyes and she sees the familiar darkness.

“What’s the matter?”

“Hi Lukey-boo,” Lea greets in a sickly sweet voice, it makes his stomach turn. “Babysitting I see?”

Emmy twists around to look at Lea and Luke closes his eyes, he just wanted to keep looking in her eyes.

“You must be Lea,” Emmy greets brightly. She takes Luke’s hand in her own and squeezes it tightly. “I’ve heard so many things about you.”

“Oh thank you,” Lea smiles smugly, twisting her hair with her fingers.

“I didn’t say they were good things,” Emmy responds icily then turns to Luke. “Come on Luke, Mikey’s looking for you.”

Emmy drags Luke away as quick as she can inside the house, he’s shaking slightly and as soon as they’re inside he slips his hand from hers. He finds the nearest wall then starts smacking it as hard as he can, his teeth clenched.

“Hey, hey, Luke. Luke!” Ashton is suddenly behind him, between him and Emmy, with his hands on Luke’s shoulders. He pulls him away from the wall. “What’s going on?”

“Lea was outside,” Emmy explains quietly watching the scene in front of her.

“Shit,” Ashton mutters then pulls Luke with him upstairs.

Emmy smiles apologetically at the people in the kitchen then scampers after Ashton and Luke. When she looked into Luke’s eyes, he was the ghost of himself she’s never seen before. It terrified her, not for her safety, but only concern for Luke. She finds Ashton and Luke in Calum’s room, it’s far away from downstairs and faces the street instead of the backyard.

“You good? We can leave if you want or I’ll make Roy kick her out,” Ashton says.

“Did Calum know she was going to be here?”

“No, he wouldn’t do that, Luke. She must have overheard about the party or something and came here on purpose to mess with you,” Ashton squeezes Luke’s shoulders. His hands are keeping Luke’s head above the waters. “What do you need?”

“Where’s Emmy?”

“Ash…” Emmy says quietly stepping forward.

“She’s right here,” Ashton steps aside, releasing his hold on Luke.

Luke’s ice blue eyes slide to her and he visibly relaxes, his face softening and shoulders falling.

“You good?” Ashton asks, Luke nods stiffly. “I’ll be downstairs. Text me if you need me.”

Ashton pats him on the back then gives Emmy a small smile before exiting the room. He closes the door softly behind him and Luke falls onto the bed with a big sigh. His elbows rest on his knees and he hangs his head. Emmy joins him and places her hand on his neck.

“Hey,” she scratches the back of his neck with her nails. Luke breathes deeply and sits up straight turning to Emmy.

“Hey,” he croaks. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I wasn’t expecting Lea to be here and it’s—it’s been so long I thought I’d be okay and—“

“Luke, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain it to me, okay?” she strokes his cheek with the back of her fingers. “What happened?”

“I couldn’t…” he shakes his head. “I couldn’t move. I saw her and it’s like I was paralyzed. I’m so glad that you showed up when you did, lovie.”

Emmy kisses his forehead, his eyebrow, his cheek and then finally his lips. Her thumbs stroke his cheeks as she looks into his eyes.

“I am too. Do you want to stay or do you want to go somewhere else?”

“I didn’t really want to be here in the first place,” he sighs kissing the inside of her wrist.

“Then let’s go,” she smiles.

He follows her downstairs where Ashton is waiting for them, he perks up at the sight of them.

“What’s goin’ on?” Ashton asks looking between Emmy and Luke.

“We’re blowing this popsicle stand,” Emmy giggles. “Can you tell Mikey we left?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he watches them brisk by then he calls out, “where are you going?”

“An adventure!” Emmy shouts causing Luke to laugh and then they’re gone.

Luke is cruising down the 405 with the windows down and Emmy is singing along to the radio. Every time Luke looks over at her it’s easier for him to breathe and they arrive at the beach just as the sky turns a pretty golden orange.

“Take off your shoes,” Emmy orders already working on her black boots.

Luke toes off his own boots placing his socks inside then setting them down inside the car. He takes her hand leading the way into the hot but soft sand. The warm ocean breeze ruffles his hair and he inhales the salty air.

Their toes touch the water’s edge, Emmy squeals a little at the coolness of it but soon she’s kicking the water up.

“Hey!” he chuckles shielding his face.

“It’s just water,” she teases kicking a spray of it in his direction. Some of the spray hits his cheek.

“Do that again, I dare you,” he threatens but his voice doesn’t ring true of the threat. Emmy does it again. “That’s it, you’re in trouble now.”

“Ahh!” She screams and tries to run from him but his legs are longer and he snatches her up quickly.

He throws her over his shoulder, she’s squealing in laughter as he spins her around making sure to kick up some water.

“Luke!” she laughs patting his back and his butt in an attempt to get him to let her down.

“Say you’re sorry!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

Satisfied, he sets her down gently. They both take a deep breath and then Emmy squats down to splash a huge amount of water on his stomach and legs. She’s laughing so hard she falls into the water on her butt, she gasps in surprise.

“Karma baby,” Luke chuckles.

Emmy groans and stands up. Her jean shorts are a shade darker and her top clings to her skin, the ends of her hair is wet and Luke can tell she’s grumpy about the turn of events. She scowls at him which he thinks is the cutest fucking thing he’s ever seen before she leaps up in his arms. He’s taken aback and staggers backwards, the waves push against his balance and then they’re both in the water but Luke makes sure his hold is secure on Emmy.

“OOF!” he grunts at the impact and the wetness he now feels.

“I made my own karma,” Emmy snickers.

Luke squeezes her waist and stares into her eyes, thankful that karma has brought her back into his life. He wants to tell her his thoughts, but his mouth can’t form the words so he crushes his lips to hers in hopes she’ll understand what he can’t say.

They splash around in the water for a bit longer then sit in the sand until the sun starts to set and their clothes are somewhat dry. They decide to head back to Michael’s house. Emmy’s hand is rising and falling out the window as she sings along to Jaden Smith’s PCH blasting through the speakers.

“Gimme all your kisses baby cause this is bliss, gimme all your kisses baby…” she sings tilting her head from side to side in time with the beat of the song and Luke’s never felt so much fondness for a person before.

The house is quiet when Luke and Emmy arrive, Michael’s car is still gone so they must still be at the party. Luke pulls Emmy against him as soon as the door shuts, his lips on hers. Emmy sighs into the kiss linking her arms around his neck.

“Gimme all your kisses baby,” Luke mumbles and she nods enthusiastically.

He lifts her into his arms, her legs wrap around his waist and he heads upstairs to her bedroom. He sits down on her bed tugging her shirt up and off her head and Emmy removes her bra swiftly before tugging at his t-shirt.

Luke’s hands are hot on her skin as his tongue explores her mouth once more. She smells like the beach and her lips are sun kissed with a hint of saltiness from the ocean water. Emmy moans quietly and it causes Luke’s dick twitch in response.

He pulls away and looks at her, her eyes are alert, lips are red and swollen and she’s smiling. Luke drops his gaze to her bare torso and he lets out a huff at the sight of her chest rising and falling heavily. He presses his lips between her breasts, sponging kisses along the mound until he finds her nipple which he tugs between his teeth. His tongue flicks against it and she sighs in his arms at the sensation.

He shifts to the other breast doing the same thing but sucks hard on the skin, it makes an obscene noise and she whimpers. When he releases her breast he sees his teeth marks surrounding her nipple and his pants tighten at the sight. He looks up at her.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he pants then flips her over so she’s on her back. Her legs rise up on the bed but she stops him before he climbs on top of her.

“Wait, wait,” she holds onto his chest with her palm. “Get the door.”

He smiles and obeys shutting it and locks it for good measure even though he’s positive Michael and Crystal won’t be back for hours. When he turns around he sees she’s just in her black panties and he groans.

“You’re so pretty, baby,” he sighs then kneels in front of her. Luke pulls her closer to him, an excited squeal escaping her lips at the movement and he pulls her panties to the side staring at her bare center. His mouth waters at the sight. “So pretty,” he whispers then runs his finger up her slit, his eyes move to hers.

She’s watching him intently, a fire in her eyes that he’s sure matches his. He teases her more by playing with her folds and kisses her inner thighs.

“Luke,” she whines his name and fuck, does he love the sound, “please.”

That plea is all he needs to hear and he attaches his mouth to her warm wet center, she tastes even better than he’s imagined. She whimpers above him, letting her legs fall open wider for him and he swipes his tongue up and down, in circular motions and flicks at her clit which makes her go wild.

She’s moaning so loud he swears he’s never heard a more beautiful sound, he wants to hear her make those noises forever. Emmy bucks her hips in time with his ministrations.

“You close, lovie?” he rasps looking up at her. She arches her back and moans out a ‘yes.’ “Come on my mouth, baby.”

He devours her, keeping his mouth on her and moving his face roughly from side to side as she moans relentlessly. He searches for her hand that is clutching the sheet in a death grip and drags it to his hair. She yanks and pulls with each spasm of her orgasm washing over her but Luke doesn’t stop. He keeps sucking and licking until her movements slow and she lets out a deeply satisfied sigh.

Luke licks his lips then slips her panties off her waist and down her legs. He stuffs it in his back pocket, kissing both sides of her thighs as she comes down from her orgasm. His gaze is locked on her, watching her facial expressions and the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he admits trailing his fingers up and down her leg before hooking it over his shoulder.

“You’re really good at it,” she puffs out and he chuckles.

He lifts her other leg over his shoulder and looks up at her darkly. “Want me to go again, lovie?”

He doesn’t give her time to answer before he slips his middle finger inside curling it as he does. Her mouth opens in a perfect little ‘o’ and she yanks harshly at the root of his curls. She rocks her hips against his finger, a chorus of moans fill the room as he pumps into her faster, harder, and it’s not long until she’s coming beneath him again.

When he removes his finger, he traces a line from her slit, past her bellybutton and around the curves of her breast. Then he scoots back down in between her legs, she whimpers already knowing what he’s planning to do.

“Got one more for me, baby?” he rasps situating himself at her core. Again, he doesn’t give her a chance to answer before he’s diving in, darting his tongue in and out at an antagonizing pace.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” she squeals pulling on his hair. Her body shakes. Her legs are trembling.

When he adds his finger again she lets out an animalistic growl that only urges Luke to continue pleasuring her, loving the yank of his hair by her fingers. He hums against her, the vibrations adding even more to her pleasure and her body spasms before clenching as she lets out a scream.

Luke feels her come all over his finger and his mouth, his eyes on her the entire time as her whole body lifted from the bed, as if she were ascending into an astral plane of pure ecstasy. When her body drops back down, her legs going lax, is when he decides to stop. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and swipes his finger on his jeans, he doesn’t care that they’re black and it’ll stain.

Luke crawls over her once more, Evie somehow finds the strength to press her palm against his chest. He notices the space between her cleavage is sheened with sweat.

“Please, no more,” she whispers. Her eyes are hooded as she stares up at him.

“No more,” he shakes his head then rests his forehead on hers. “You did so well, baby. I love hearing your moans.” She yawns then and he rolls off the bed to retrieve some new underwear and her pajamas.

He helps her change into them, her legs are wobbling as she does and they head into the bathroom to wash up. Luke holds onto her hip while they brush their teeth and while she washes her face. He tucks her into bed before he pulls off his jeans and places his t-shirt over his head and climbs in behind her. He chuckles to himself when he realizes how she’s lying, her legs are completely spread, and she’s on her stomach with her arms splayed over the pillow.

She looks like a cute little starfish.

He settles in behind her and rubs her back helping her relax, he knows she loves that. Then he kisses her neck and whispers, ‘goodnight, pretty girl.’

•••••

When Emmy woke up the next morning, memories of last night flooded into her mind. Butterflies appeared in her tummy as she woke up a bit more, blinking her eyes open slowly. She rolls over to see Luke already awake and staring at the ceiling, his arms locked behind his head.

“Good morning,” Emmy greets, her voice is strained as she stretches her limbs.

“Morning,” he smiles wistfully at her then continues staring at the ceiling.

Emmy’s eyebrows pull together and she scoots herself on his chest. She pulls on his chin until his pretty blue eyes meet hers.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks.

Luke brings his left arm down from behind his head to settle it on her waist. His fingers slip beneath her shirt to tickle her back and goosebumps rise at his feather light touch on her skin.

“I think I want to go back home.”

“To Aus?”

“N-no . . . my house. Here. In LA,” his Adam’s apple works in his throat.

“Oh,” Emmy squeaks then clears her throat. “Okay. When? Today?”

“Maybe. Yeah. . . I think so. I don’t know,” he closes his eyes breathing deeply through his nose.

“I’ll go with you,” she offers, “unless you want to go alone.”

“No, I want you to come with me, lovie. It’ll help having you there.”

“Okay,” she touches his cheek and his eyes open. She smiles softly. “Hi.”

“Hi pretty girl,” he lifts his head stretching forward to give her a soft kiss.

“Can I try something?” she asks resting her hand on his lower stomach.

“Like what?” He gives her a quizzical look.

“Liiiike what you did for me last night. . .” she slides her hand lower under the sheet and onto his boxers. She rubs her palm over his dick gently and Luke inhales sharply. “. . . but I want to do it for you.”

“You don’t have to Ems,” he licks his lips as she continues to palm him.

He’s getting harder in her hand and he blinks slowly at her soft tugging.

“I want to,” she breathes leaning up to kiss him and she slips her hand underneath his boxers. He’s warm and soft in her hand as she strokes him lazily.

Luke inhales sharply again, his hand squeezes her waist.

“Can I?” she kisses his neck then slides down the length of his body.

“Mhm,” he hums lifting his hips so she can pull his boxers down.

Emmy kisses his tummy softly and continues to give open mouthed kisses on his skin until she kisses the tip of his dick. She continues to mouth him, opening her mouth to let her tongue swirl around his tip.

“Baby,” he sighs and Emmy takes more of him in her mouth.

“Quiet,” she whispers jerking her head to the door behind her. Michael and Crystal are asleep down the hall and she did not want to wake them up like this.

Luke nods and Emmy hollows out her cheeks to take him in her mouth as far as she can go, salivating on him so she can pump him with her hand. Luke’s grunting and groaning softly, watching her every move. He loves the way her head bobs up and down slowly and the way she swirls her tongue up and down his shaft.

He jerks his hips gently with her movements, his fingers comb through her hair and she moves faster. Luke’s panting heavily until he feels his release coming, with a low grunt and no warning, he’s coming in her mouth.

“Babe, babe, Ems,” he gasps trying to get her mouth off him but she swallows all he’s giving her.

Luke throws his head back on the pillows, heart racing, and his body spent. It’s been so long since he’s gotten head, he’s a little embarrassed it didn’t take him long to orgasm to but to have Emmy doing it for him was amazing.

Emmy wipes the corner of her mouth, wincing a little but gives Luke a smile nonetheless.

“Sorry, that’s . . . it’s been a while,” he sighs blinking slowly.

“Did you like it?” her eyes big.

“Yes, baby, I loved it,” he gives her a glazed smile. “C’mere.”

His fingers are in her hair again and they kiss lazily until Michael is banging on the door complaining about how he’s hungry and they’re all going out for breakfast.

•••••

Emmy joins Luke at the front door of his house, he’s twirling his keys between his fingers. She grabs hold of his bicep and Luke gives a small grin that looks more like a grimace then inserts the key. He takes Emmy’s hand in his and leads her inside.

Emmy looks around the space, it’s very modern with a lot of sharp edged furniture. Everything is in its own place and very black and white. It’s the furthest thing from Luke and Emmy didn’t like it at all.

“Well, this is it,” he gestures, “What do you think?”

“It’s very. . .” Emmy scans the empty kitchen and bare walls. “Clean.”

Luke snorts walking her down the hall. “It’s very Lea. She chose everything.”

Emmy frowns at that and peeks in the rooms before they stop in a bedroom she assumes is his room. It’s also very modern and monochromatic. The only splash of color is from a potted plant in the corner that is surely fake, no wonder Lea chose it.

Emmy moves to the window to see a nice view of of the hills and a small pool that’s in serious need of some care. When she turns around, Luke is sitting on the bed watching her with a thoughtful expression.

“What’s running through your mind, honey bun?” she asks threading her fingers through his curls.

He smiles at the nickname and grabs hold of her thigh, his thumb rubs circles on her exposed skin below her shorts.

“I want to get rid of everything. Repaint the walls, get new furniture and a new bed,” he grins deviously up at her and pulls her closer.

“I think that’s a marvelous idea,” she smiles.

“Do you want to help me?”

“Really? I don’t want to intrude—“

“You won’t,” he shakes his head, “I want your opinion since . . .”

“Since what?”

“Since I want you to visit and I want you to visit a lot and I want you to like it too.”

Emmy melts into his arms, hugging him tightly. His arms are wrapped around her and he pulls her onto his lap.

“Is that okay?” he asks in her ear.

“It’s more than okay. That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard, Luke,” she kisses his shoulder.

“You’re the sweetest thing.”

•••••

Luke and Emmy got to work right away on remodeling his house. He donated all of his furniture and hired a cleaning crew for the whole house, and the pool before the painters come.

While the painters were doing their job, Luke and Emmy went furniture shopping. He was a little apprehensive at first, but only because flashbacks of when he and Lea did the same thing she chose everything while Luke followed along silently.

But with Emmy, she made everything fun and lighthearted. She tested each couch cushion, pulling him down with her. It’s like she was goldilocks and Luke felt like he was anything but the big bad wolf like how Lea made him feel.

He decided on a blue couch with gray armchairs for the living room and he chose a king sized bed and a dark red armchair for his bedroom. It would all be delivered by next week which would be crunch time because in two weeks they’d be leaving for Bali.

As they were leaving the furniture store to go decoration shopping, Luke noticed some familiar photographers hanging around across the street. He remembers how Emmy nearly fell the last time she was around the paps and he took hold of her hand.

Was that already two months ago?

Luke keeps glancing at her once he’s driving to the next store and he can’t believe the timeline of him and Emmy.

Growing up, she was always Mikey’s younger sister who wanted to play video games and hang out with them all the time. When their music career began, they lost touch and sight of each other but he thought about her often.

“What’re you thinking so hard about over there?” Emmy pulls him out of his reverie just as they climb out of the car.

“You,” he answers simply holding out his hand for her to take. He doesn’t miss the blush on her cheeks and Luke loves it.

“Oh,” she giggles softly.

The decorating was his favorite thing to shop for because Emmy got so animated about everything she saw. She’d say where it would look best in his house and how it would pair nicely with something else she found in another aisle. Being with Emmy was as easy as breathing and blinking. He didn’t have to think about it, it just . . . felt so right.

Emmy is pointing out bookends that are guitars and Luke steps forward and places his finger under her chin so he can kiss her softly. His lips move against hers slowly, wanting to show her how delicate she is and deserves to be treated with such care.

“What was that for?” she exhales smiling up at him.

“I’m happy you’re here with me, Pip.” Luke’s fingers brush her hair back over her shoulder.

“You haven’t called me that since I got here,” she giggles.

“I know, you’re still my Pipsqueak. I think I’ve got all we need, ready to go back to your brother’s?”

She nods slowly taking his hand and they exit the store. As soon as they step into the hot LA sun, their names are being shouted left and right while a multitude of shutter speeds click a mile a minute. Emmy immediately coils into Luke’s side and he shifts his arm around her shoulders guiding her to the car.

“Is it true you and Lea are talking things through?”

“How does Michael feel about you with his sister?��

“What’s it like dating Luke?”

“Are you moving in together?”

“Do you still love Lea?”

The questions were fired from left and right and each time Lea was mentioned Luke tensed up and it only made him approach the car that much faster. Luke shields Emmy’s body with his own so she could get into the car safely and Luke hurried to his side.

Thankfully, the photographers backed away so Luke could peel out of the parking lot. His hands were shaking against the wheel, he flinches when Emmy grabs hold of his fingers with her own. He lets her place his hand in her lap where she caressed his fingers in a soothing way.

He calmed down immediately.

•••••

A week has gone by and Luke’s house is finally complete. He invites Emmy over first so they can be alone before he shows the others. They did this together and he wanted to revel in their job well done.

“Luke, it’s so amazing!” she gushes eyeing the piano he selected.

The space seems more like Luke, it’s open and warm and full of color.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he smiles leaning against his kitchen counter. He watches her peer at the guitar bookends on his shelf on either side of his TV. Her smile is radiant as she approaches him, his arms hold onto her waist loosely.

“Does it feel like home?”

His eyes search hers before he leans down pressing his lips to hers, he pulls her tighter against him. One hand travels to her neck and her hands hold onto the sides of his waist. The kiss becomes needy quickly and filled with so much desire Emmy gasps for breath but Luke moves his lips to her neck.

Emmy sighs, her fingers play with the ends of his curls that are getting longer before she starts to work on his buttons and his hands slide under her shirt. They remove the articles of clothing onto the floor, Luke’s fingers slip under the straps of her bra gliding them down her shoulders.

Luke pulls his mouth away from hers to look at her, her eyes are shining and her chest is rising heavily as she tries to catch her breath. To his surprise, she unfastens her bra and lets it fall to the floor between them. Emmy lifts her arms around his neck connecting their lips once more and Luke hoists her legs around his waist.

Lips still molding together, he peeks through his lids as he makes his way to his bedroom and places her on his bed gently. He moves to his knees on the floor as he pulls her shorts and underwear off, his mouth hot on her skin as he did so. He kisses up her leg, tongue delving between her pussy lips slowly.

Emmy sighs above him and he hums against her before removing his own clothes. Her hands reach for him as he reaches for her and then he’s hovering above her. Their eyes meet and they have a silent conversation as she settles herself beneath him and takes hold of him.

He kisses her as he pushes into her carefully. Moaning and sighing with bodies rolling like waves, they find the perfect rhythm easily. Their fingers slot together next to her head and their kisses become sloppy as their movements quicken.

They breathe each other in and when she clenches around him, Luke moans her name in her ear as she fills his with the chorus of her moans. As she comes notes and lyrics fill his head and he moves faster, grunting with each pull and thrust until he’s coming as well.

When he’s finished, he lifts his head to see she’s already staring at him, soft expression on her face and their fingers unlock. Soft pecks to her lips and all over her face makes her laugh and he caresses her cheek.

“You feel like home,” he tells her. She bites her lip then cuddles into his chest, kissing every inch of him she can.

•••••

Bali has been nothing but exceptional for Emmy and she loved having Luke show her around to his favorite spots. During the day they’d do activities like zip lining, visit the Uluwatu Temple and the monkey temple where they each got photos of a little monkey on their shoulders.

Each night they’d have dinner with Michael and everybody else then enjoy a large bonfire on the beach where Luke held Emmy between his legs in the sand. Michael kept a careful eye on them both, more so than when they were back home in LA. He picked up on different things here than back at home.

Like how whenever Luke would look at his sister, he’d have an instant smile on his face and when Emmy would be talking Luke listened very carefully. He always walked with her on the inside of the roads and when they’d join together again if they got split up from sight-seeing, he’d kiss her cheek.

Michael took notice of his sister’s actions as well. While they were looking at the trinket shops, her eyes would be on the token in her hand while her other reached for Luke who would be by her side instantly and she hadn’t even said his name. He noticed the way her face brightened when Luke would greet her with a kiss or simply look at her.

It made Michael happy that his best friend and his sister were so happy together. Especially for Luke, he didn’t seem so broken anymore. It also made Michael realize how grown up his sister is now. She’s no longer the little sister who followed them around wanting to play games and listen to their music.

“You’re quiet, that means you’re thinking something,” Crystal says sitting next to him on the couch out by the pool.

Michael’s eyes are focused on Luke and Emmy across the way in the pool. His sister has her legs in the water while Luke’s arms are resting on her thighs and they’re just talking to each other. Emmy dips her hand in the water then slicks back Luke’s curls, she smiles at something he says.

“I think they’re in love,” Michael finally speaks up, his fingers twiddling together.

“I think so too,” Crystal smiles placing her hand over his just as Emmy squealed in laughter as Luke pulled her into the water with him.

Later that night, before everyone disappeared for bed, Michael pulls Luke aside.

“What’s up?” Luke asks.

Michael gazes at one of his best friends for a moment, Luke’s skin color is tanner from the holiday sun, the dark circles under his eyes are gone completely and his eyes don’t have that hard edge to them anymore. He’s a completely different person from when he was with Lea and he had his little sister to thank.

“Um, I know we sort of talked about this at the club but . . . you’re serious about Ems, aren’t you?” Michael flat out asks.

Luke softens at her name and he nods, his fingers run through his unruly curls. Michael’s noticed he’s let his hair grow out, he seems freer.

“Yeah, I am,” Luke breathes, “she’s really special and important to me, Mike.”

“I can tell,” Michael smiles. “I wanted to tell you how happy I am for the both of you and I’m glad you have each other. It’s great seeing you as yourself again, man.”

“It feels good to be myself again, I have her to thank for it. But, uh, thanks for telling me. I still think you’re going to try and beat me up,” Luke chuckles.

“I have thought about it only because of my natural protective brother instincts,” Michael laughs along, “but you’re not a tiny breadstick anymore.”

They bump fists and then hug each other tightly before splitting off in the direction of their rooms.

When Luke finds Emmy she’s just getting out of the bathroom, her hair wet and she smiles at him when she walks by.

“Couldn’t wait to shower with me?” he teases following her to the bed. She sits cross legged in the center of it.

“It was a quick one just to get the sand off. What did my brother want?”

Luke sits next to her and takes her hands in his that are resting in her lap.

“He told me he’s happy we have each other.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Luke’s eyes flicker to hers. “Which is great because there’s something I’ve been wanting to show you. . .”

He pulls out his phone and opens up his voice notes app. Emmy watches him scroll down a few until he presses play and sets his phone on her bare knee.

His singing voice croons through the speaker and the sound of the ocean waves makes it even more special as he sings:

You came and topped them all You shine in the dead of the night And I was the first to fall

Fading away, fading away Wake up to someone with nothing to say I never change, though I'd never change Then you come and change it all

With your love, your love, I'm a better, better man With your love, your love, I'm a better, better man Darling, all of my wrongs, they lead me right to you Wrapped in your arms, I swear I'd….

  When the recording stopped, Emmy stares at Luke with wide eyes as she lets the piano and the lyrics resonate in her mind. He scoots closer to her then brushes his fingers on her cheek, his eyes focused on hers.

“I love you, Emmy,” he breathes without missing a beat.

His voice is soft as petals falling to the floor and Emmy’s heart catapults in her chest. Her lips widen in a smile and she lifts herself onto her knees to give him a big kiss. Luke’s hands hold onto her lower back as he kisses her back then they fall onto the bed together.

“I love you, too Luke,” she says on his lips.

They roll over together, lips and fingers interlocked anchoring each other. Luke’s no longer a castaway adrift at sea from a broken relationship void of love. Now he’s with Emmy, his shining lighthouse who makes him the better man he was always meant to be.

• • • •

Copyright talkfastromance4 © All works is intellectual property of the author. All rights reserved. Any redistribution or reproduction or any part or all contents in any form is prohibited. You may not, without written expression and consent from the author, distribute works amongst other social media platforms

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[anythingandeverything1d]

Friends

Present day

“(y/n)!” Harry’s voice echoed through your flat and you laughed quietly, covering your mouth with your hand so that your hiding space would not be revealed. It was the first time seeing Harry in almost 4 months, which was nearly a record for the two of you. Unfortunately due to Harry being in LA when the COVID-19 crisis began, your longtime streak of seeing each other at least twice a month had been broken and you had been separated, forced to only chat through text, calls, and FaceTime. It worked....but it wasn’t the same. You missed his arms around you, the way he laughed at your jokes, winked when he wanted to get his way, and of course his dad jokes. Harry had been your best friend for over 10 years now, which meant you had been with him through it all. From the auditions at the X-Factor to One Direction and then his solo career. You were the one thing that was always a constant in his life, just as he was a constant in yours. “(y/n)....” Harry’s voice was quieter but closer, he must've heard you laughing. You held your breath, preparing to jump from the corner of the kitchen as he walked around. His body past the nook you were hiding in, his hair held up with a clip, jogging shorts and jacket on. Harry stood in the living room with a frown looking around. “Where did yo-”

“Ahhhh!” you jumped out, grabbing his shoulders and jumping onto his back with a laugh. “Hey there.” you giggled into his ear.

Harry laughed and shook his head, “Jesus woman, why can’t you just greet me like a normal person?”

“Normal people aren’t fun and you know it.” you hoped off and he spun around arms open. You walked into them with a smile. “I missed you.”

“I missed you to love.” He pressed a lingering kiss onto the top of your head, your cheeks blushing pink and the butterflies slowly taking flight in your stomach. Even though you had been friends for 10 years, only recently in the last 2 years had you realized that Harry made you feel a certain way, almost as if you had just realized that he was no longer a 16 year old boy, but a grown man. Of course, you had never acted on these new feelings. You supported him through relationships and break ups, never crossing the friend lines that been drawn early on in the relationship. You pulled away from him reluctantly, looking into his emerald green eyes. “How have things been?”

“Well...I broke up with Max...” 

“Thank god, it’s about time. He was terrible.” Harry smiled while jumping onto the couch and you just shook your head at him, continuing on.

“Other than that, same old same old. Been waiting for you to come home. It’s been so long, I’ve resorted to drinking with Lou.” you shrugged and watched his facial expression change.

“Ah I did hear that. I’ve received some videos of you two laying around the pool absolutely wasted.” You bit your lip wondering what exactly Louis had sent him. Even though Harry was your best friend, you and Louis had really connected during the days of One Direction and you stayed in touch with him over the years. You could tell him anything, and in fact,  you did tell him everything, including your newly found feelings for Harry. Louis had endlessly teased you days after the confession, but if Harry knew anything, he didn’t let on.

“It’s a good time.” you laughed, letting out a breath of relief knowing your secret was still safe while crawling across the couch to his lap. You let out a gentle sigh as you fell into your favorite position. Your head on his shoulder, your legs tucked up and across his legs. “How are things with you?”

“Well I had to reschedule tour, I participated in some of the protests in LA and then also have been working on some writing and the One Direction reunion and anniversary stuff.”

“Ohh yeah. Louis won’t tell me shit about that. Wanna clue me in?”

“It’s a secret.” 

“A secret?”

“Yeah, can’t tell ya, I’d have to kill ya and why would I ever want to have to do that to my best friend.”

“Ugh...” you groaned. “No fair. I’ve been with you through it all. I feel like I should be the first to be clued in.”

“Well on July 22 at 11:59 pm, you will be the first to know.” Harry gave you a wink to which you just rolled your eyes and focused on the tv. 

“Can you at least tell me if I’m in any of it?” you looked up at him, batting your eyelashes. 

“I didn’t know you were part of the band” he teased.

“I mean, I basically am. I was there for like every major event wasn’t I? I’m the one who got you all through the drama....the interviews....shows....pretty much everything come to think of it.”

“Hmm is that so?” Harry shifted so that you were lounging in his arms, his eyes able to focus on you. 

“Mhm...”

He pressed a kiss to your nose and grinned. “I think you may be right there... but that doesn’t mean you’re involved in whatever it is we are doing.” You wanted to think of a comeback but your brain was a little fuzzy after watching his lips move to your nose. You sat up and moved off of his body, trying to ease your body’s tension.

“Can you believe it’s been almost 10 years since you auditioned...” 

Harry shook his head with a smile. “No I really can’t....it’s been a decade since my life has changed....”

“Look at everything you’ve done in 10 years....it’s pretty crazy.” You closed your eyes, allowing your brain to think back to that day. The day you knew it would all change for him. 

July 23, 2010

“(y/n)?” his voice squeaked through the phone. You could hear the tears and the slight shake of his breath. Oh, no.....he didn’t make it.... You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, waiting to console him.

“Yeah?” you managed to squeak out, your heart aching for the curly haired boy who’s dream was about to be shattered. You had been sure they would say yes. He was an amazing singer and a down to earth person. He was destined to be a star.

“They put me into a group. Simon...he placed me with four other boys. I get to move on with my new band.”

You could almost hear the smile in his voice. He must’ve been crying from happiness, or maybe stress....either way he had done it. You were crying along with him now as well, immensely proud of the boy who worked in a bakery, the boy with the heart of gold, and most importantly, your best friend. “Harry I’m so happy for you! Tell me all about it! How was it meeting Simon Cowell? Did he like your song? Who are your new bandmates? Are they nice? Do the sing well? Are they better dancers than you?” you teased him.

You heard him laugh lightly, making you smile even bigger. “Simon seems cool, it was his idea to place us together. I don’t know about the other boys...I think one of their names is Louis...and maybe there’s a Neil...or Niall...something like that. We all thought we were going to be kicked off. We made it with some yes’ but then weren't chosen and now we are in a band and I guess we will have to see what happens. But they did like my song, Simon was asking me about what pies were popular before I sang.”

“You told them you worked in a bakery?”

“Of course, they asked about what I did.” You laughed, shaking your head and smiling at the goof on the phone. Only Harry would bring up the fact that he worked in a bakery. “I have to go, they are calling all of our names. I think I’m going to invite them to my dad’s house, that way we can get started. Maybe you could stop by?”

“Maybe..just let me know when you’re there.”

“Alright...I will.”

“Oh and Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really happy for you. I knew you could do it.”

“Thanks (y/n). I’ll talk to you soon yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay...bye.”

“Bye Harry.” You hung up the phone and screamed, startling everyone in the park you were walking through. “MY BEST FRIEND IS GOING TO BE FAMOUS!” 

Present day:

“It really is. I’m glad I’ve had you with me for the ride too.” Harry nudged your side before standing up and walking to the kitchen. “So what are we having for dinner?”

“Tacos?” you laughed. Harry would always come over for Taco Tuesday, and it was always a go to dinner for the two of you.

“You’re speaking my language now.” Harry smiled. 

The two of you got to work, pulling out all the stops for taco night. “So...are you seeing anyone?” you asked while cutting the tomatoes for salsa. You didn’t look up, you really didn’t want to know if he was seeing anyone, you wanted to know if he was single.

“Not right now...I’ve just been focusing on me.” Harry answered. You met his eyes and smiled. “There is someone though.”

There it is. The gut wrenching, stomach flipping answer you always received. There was always someone with Harry, and the fact it wasn’t you, just didn’t sit well. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I just don’t know where it’s going yet.” 

You sighed and looked at him again. You always did this, always gave him advice on what to do.”Well, you should go for it. If you like her then maybe...maybe she’s the one.”

“Maybe.” He said thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I don’t want to risk anything.”

“How will you know until you try though?”

“That’s true... maybe I’ll plan my move.”

“Good idea.” you tossed everything into a bowl and stirred, not saying anything. You knew you couldn’t be upset when you hadn’t actually talked to Harry about your feelings, but at the same time you were upset he never even considered you in that type of way. 

You didn’t say much at dinner despite the hundreds of questions Harry was asking you. You just weren't in the mood anymore. You were cleaning up the dishes lost in your thoughts when Harry’s arms went around your waist. You looked up and he smiled. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“(y/n) come on, I’ve been your best friend for 10 years I know when you’re lying.”

“It’s fine..it’s nothing.” Harry rested his chin on your shoulder and waited. “Really. It’s all good.”

“Okay.” He stood up letting go and moving to help finish up.  “So, what about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“What’s it to you?” you laughed. “You never like the guys I date anyways.”

“That’s because they don’t deserve a girl like you.”

“And who does?” you turned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Harry debated on answering. He was working through the process in his head. 

Instead of answering he tugged you closer and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Someone. Just none of the guys you have dated.”

You were used to Harry being affectionate. You and him had always been touchy, which is why everyone used to think you were dating. Harry would kiss you nose, forehead, cheeks, head, hands. You would lay on his lap, play with his hair, and even snuggle in bed. It’s how your friendship was and how you hoped it would always be. “Someone? That’s the answer I get.”

“Yeah. Someone.” He laughed and gripped your hand in his. “Now come on, I believe we have a movie night planned.”

“Lead the way.” 

Harry tugged you to the couch, tossing your favorite blanket to you while grabbing the remote. He took his seat and you took yours, snuggling up together while the movie played. You were exhausted, tired out from the emotions and your work day. You kept yawning, trying to stay awake but eventually you ended up tangled in Harry’s body, out cold. 

You were flat on his chest, your legs tangled in his when you woke up. Light was streaming through the blinds and you knew it was the next morning. Harry’s arms were tightly wrapped around your back, ensuring you wouldn’t roll off his body. You tried climbing off him, but his response was a grunt and an even tighter grip. 

“Well isn’t this just adorable.” You jumped up, turning around and finding Louis in the kitchen, making himself a cup of tea. Harry also sat up, confused. You felt your cheeks get hot at the look Louis was giving you. You climbed off Harry and brushed your hair back, suddenly realizing you weren't wearing pants. You tugged the shirt down farther, earning a laugh from Louis. Harry frowned at Louis and tossed you the blanket, allowing you to cover up and run to the bedroom to change.

You got dressed and headed to the kitchen where the guys were talking. “She’s just a friend.” you heard Harry say. You froze, leaning against the wall.

“Well does she know that? You two seem pretty close.” Louis commented. 

“Yeah, of course. I’m into someone else anyway.”

“Whatever you say Harry, just don’t be surprised when she ends up heartbroken because of you.”

“She won’t. I won’t let it get that far.” Your heart fell. He only thought of you as a friend and was interested in someone else. He had basically told you that last night but hearing him confirm it with Louis hurt more. Why couldn’t he just give you a chance. Your phone buzzed and your ex Max’s number popped up. *Can we talk. Please.* You wanted to say no. You had used Max in the beginning and then realized what a dick he was. At the same time, Harry hated Max. If you dated him, maybe Harry dating this other girl wouldn’t hurt as much. 

*Yeah. Come pick me up.* You hit send and walked into the kitchen with a frown.

“Well there’s the princess.” Louis laughed. “Looking awfully unhappy this morning aren’t we.”

You ignored him, brushing past the boys and to the fridge for some orange juice. “What’s wrong?” Harry asked, confused what had happened since last night.

“Nothing.” you didn’t make eye contact with him. 

“Okay, well what are your plans today...I was thinking we could hangout.”

“Actually Max is picking me up soon.”

“What?” Harry and Louis turned to you with surprised looks. 

“You said you broke up with him.” Harry grumbled.

“You said he was a dick.” Louis added.

“Well he asked to talk to me and I figured why not.” you answered pouring a cup.

“That’s a terrible idea.” Louis crossed his arms and shook his head. “Where would you ever get the idea that was good.”

“Well after talking to Harry about him making his move, I figured why not try mine. Maybe Max isn’t that bad.”

“Or maybe he is.” Harry crossed his arms and frowned. “You’re best friend is finally here and you’re not going to hang out with him?” “Maybe you can make your move with the other girl while I’m making mine.” you stated, taking a sip.

Louis nodded, suddenly understanding where this was all coming from. He was aware you had heard the conversation. “Interesting plan. Well I better be going. We are all going out tonight yeah? (y/n) bring Max. Harry bring your girl and I’ll bring El. It’ll be fun.”

You nodded agreeing and Harry nodded as well, glaring at you as he walked out the door. “You’re not really going to trust Max again are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“(y/n).”

“Harry.”

“You can’t-” Harry was cut off by the doorbell.

“Max is here. Can you lock up when you leave?” you weren't in the mood for a lecture from Harry. You knew it wasn't fair to be mad at him but you really were frustrated with the whole thing. 

Harry nodded, grabbing your arm as you walked out the door. “Just remember...you’re worth more than that asshole standing on the porch. You may not realize it, but you’re beautiful inside and out. You deserve better.” Harry let you go, his eyes burning into your back as you walked out to the porch where Max was standing.

“Hey-”  Your mind wasn’t listening to him. It was thinking back to the first time Harry had said that to you.

September 11, 2011:

You were sitting on Harry’s couch. It was a big day for the band. They were releasing their first single today. You wanted to be happy for Harry and the other guys, but instead you were focused on James, your now ex boyfriend. “Penny for your thoughts?” Harry asked, jumping next to you with a grin. You shook your head and wiped the tear that was falling. “Come on (y/n)...something’s wrong...let me help.”

“James broke up with me. He said I wasn’t pretty enough...that I wasn’t skinny enough....” You looked into Harry’s eyes with tears falling down your cheeks. “Why aren’t I good enough H?”

“Stop. That’s ridiculous. You are more than enough. You are beautiful, and you are you. All of those things, the things he said weren’t good enough...they make you YOU. And you, my love, are the most beautiful girl I know.”

You smiled and wiped your tears with your sleeve. “You’re just saying that because you’re my friend.”

“No I’m not. I swear.” He grinned. “You turn heads when you walk through doors. He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see that.” Harry pulled you into his arms and rubbed your back. “In fact, our new single is actually perfect for you right now.”

“It is”

“Yeah, and I’m going to sing it for you.” Harry pushed your butt to the couch and grinned. “You’re insecure, don’t know what for, you’re turning heads when you walk through the door, don’t need make up, to cover up, being the way that you are is enough, everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you, baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair is enough, and when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell, you don’t know oh oh, you don’t know you’re beautiful, oh oh, that’s what makes you beautiful.” Harry placed a kiss on your nose and smiled. “You’re beautiful (y/n). Don’t let others tell you differently.”

“You’re single is beautiful Harry.” You hugged him tightly and laughed for the first time all day. “I’m so proud of you. Like really, you’re going to go places, and this song, this song will get you there.”

“I’m excited, but promise me you’ll always stay and be part of the journey with me?”

“I promise.”

You and Harry had spent the day watching the song climb in charts, all over the world. The response was overwhelming and again, you were more than excited that Harry was able to live out his dream.

Present day:

“Uh, (y/n)....are we good to go?” Max repeated himself, pointing at the car. You nodded, shaking the images from your head. Harry needed to be put in the past. He didn’t love you that way, not the way that Max did.

“Yeah, sorry. Let’s go.” You climbed in the car, watching Harry stand on the porch and let you leave. If he really wanted me, he would’ve stopped me. He would’ve made an effort to actually let you know he felt more. Max drove off and you sat there awkwardly, Harry still stuck in your mind. “So how have things been?” you finally turned to him and forced a smile.

“Fine.” Max kept his eyes on the road, his voice harsh and cold.

“Uh...later tonight, Eleanor, Louis, and Harry are going out, do you want to come with?”

“Sure.” 

“Okay...” You looked out the window, regretting this decision. Maybe being single was better than this. Max pulled off at a park and got out. You followed his lead, still uncertain that this was a good idea. “So you wanted to talk?” You sat on the bench next to him.

“Yeah.” You looked over at him, he was focused on the tree in the distance.

“What about?”

“I think we should get back together.” He looked over at you and you froze. You knew this was coming and yet, you weren’t ready to give an answer.

“Why’s that?” Now you were the one focused on the tree.

“I miss you. I miss us.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I mean we had some fun right?”

“I guess...” you bit your lip. You and Max had started as a fwb type of thing and then you had pushed him to being in a relationship after saying you no longer wanted that. Now he was coming back saying he missed you? “Do you just miss the sex or do you miss me.”

“The se- well both I mean.” Max gripped your chin roughly, forcing you to look at him and then he shoved his lips to your mouth. It was in no way the gentle kiss that you know Harry would give. This was a kiss that was trying to take control. “God I missed you.” he mumbled against your lips. His hands were already trying to slip into your shirt, his length pushing against you as he tugged you to his lap harshly. You tried getting up, breaking the kiss, but his hands held you tightly, a little too tightly actually. 

“Max.” you pushed back on his chest, breaking the kiss. “Max stop.”

“What? What the hell?” He grabbed your wrist and prevented you from moving, causing you to wince in pain. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“I-”

“No shut the fuck up.” You watched him raise his hand, and closed your eyes. Max had hit you a few times in the past, but usually after getting blackout drunk and aggressive. His hand didn’t hit you, and when you opened your eyes he had lowered it back to your wrist. “Let’s just get in the car.” Max was pissed and you were slightly afraid to get back in his car.

“I-I’m just going to stay here.” you mumbled.

“What?”

“I’m going to stay here.” you said louder and more confidently.

“Like hell you are.” he mumbled, dragging you towards the car. He opened the door and yelled, “GET IN THE CAR (y/n).”

“No.” you tried pulling loose of his grip. “Let me go.” You were pushing against him trying to free your hand. He laughed madly before throwing you to the ground and laying a foot into your side. You cried out, curling into a ball away from him. 

“You’re a fucking whore. You pathetic little bitch.” He spit on you and then laughed. “Don’t ever call me again.”

You laid on the ground as he drove away, tears streaming down your face. You didn’t know what to do, you were now stuck at some random park alone, and in pain. You grabbed your phone, debating on who to call for help. Harry would come and give you the supporting words you knew you needed, but he would be upset at the state you were in, and he would be mad that Max left you alone. In fact, he would be pissed. Louis was your other option. He wouldn’t press but would be disappointed knowing everything that had happened in the past. “Louis.” you cried into the phone. “Can you come get me.” 

You were sitting in the parking lot when he pulled up. You luckily weren’t injured. You’re side hurt from where he had kicked you, but other than a bruise that would form, you knew you would be okay. You had wiped the tears, and tried to look presentable, but the minute Louis walked out of the car, you broke down. He held you in his arms, rubbing your back as you told him everything. Everything that you had heard about Harry, everything Max had just done, and how you were afraid of what else would happen. “Shh, come on love, let’s get you home.” Louis didn’t say anything, he just drove you home and sat with you as you calmed down. 

“Don’t tell Harry.” you looked over at him after an hour of sitting on the couch in his arms. “Please. He will just be upset. Don’t tell Harry.”

“Don’t tell Harry what?” Harry walked into the kitchen with a smile but frowned when he saw you in Louis’ arms.

You looked at Louis and he slightly shook his head. You sat up and sighed, looking at Harry. “That...”

“Go on.” Harry had crossed his arms and was staring the two of you down.

“That she’s not going clubbing.” Louis sat up with a sigh and you looked at him grateful for the excuse. 

Harry’s mouth dropped. “What? Why not? We are supposed to leave in an hour or so.” 

“I’m not feeling well.” “She doesn’t want to go alone.” You and Louis looked at each other after giving opposite answers. 

“I don’t want to go alone.” you stuttered.

“Why would you go alone. Max is in the driveway waiting.”

“What?” you and Louis nearly yelled.

“Yeah...is he not supposed to be?”

“No...I mean...Yes he is. I should go get ready so we can leave.” You stood up, running upstairs and Louis followed.’

“I should help you pick an outfit out yeah?”

You nodded, walking past Harry with your head down. Louis gave him an apologetic smile but saying nothing. You were tearing through your closet for an outfit. You had originally planned on wearing a crop top with jeans, but that wouldn’t cover the giant bruise from Max’s foot. “What can I wear Lou, I mean I can’t just cover a bruise this size.”

“(y/n) you need to not go. You can’t go with Max. You need to fess up and tell Harry what happened.”

“What? No!”

“So you’re just going to go with the guy who just abused you?”

“Yeah.” you tugged on a shirt and looked in the mirror before taking it off and throwing it to the floor. 

“(y/n).”

You turned and looked at Louis with tears in your eyes. “Do you know how hard it is? How hard it is to see Harry with other people and know that you are still in love with him and he’s not in love with you?”

“I don’t think-”

“I’m going. And I’m going with Max.” You stared at Louis, not about to give into that idea.

“Fine. Then wear the longer crop top with high waisted jeans. As long as you keep your arms up, you’ll be able to cover it. You smiled, hugging him tightly and throwing on the outfit earning an approving look from Louis. “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks Lou.” You hugged him one last time before meeting Harry back downstairs. He was in a t-shirt with his black jeans, the classic look you had grown to love. 

“You look- wow.” He smiled at your appearance but frowned when Max walked in.

“You look okay, better than earlier. Let’s go.” Harry looked at Max like he was crazy and you sighed, following him out to the car. Neither of you said anything in the car but when you pulled up to the club, Max locked the doors as you were trying to get out. “Don’t try to pull any shit tonight. Nothing like earlier. Got it?” You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded, jumping out of the car and hurrying to where Louis and Harry were waiting.

The night was going fine, Max wouldn’t try anything as long as you were around Harry and Louis, which you had made a point of priority. You watched Max order two drinks, of course one wasn’t for you, they were both for him. He tilted his head back and downed the quickly before ordering another. Harry watched him with a frown, but pulled you aside while he was busy with the other. “Want to dance?”

“What happened to your date?”

“I decided solo was going to be more fun. Plus we haven’t gone out together in forever, I wanted to spend time with you.”

You smiled letting the butterflies move throughout your stomach while taking his hand and allowing him to pull you out onto the dance floor. He spun you around, his hand landing on your side and causing you to wince in pain. He froze, slightly confused as his hand had barely grazed you. “Sorry I just-”

He tugged your shirt up and his mouth fell open looking at the dark bruise. “What the hell happened (y/n)?”

“Nothing I-I”

Harry shook his head. “He did this didn’t he?” Harry’s eyes darkened and his voice was in a low growl.

“Harry, no stop. Okay? It’s fine.”

“That is not fine (y/n). There is NOTHING about this that is even near fine.”

“Hey man what the hell, she’s my date.” Max stumbled over, slurring his words and grabbing your hand roughly. “Get your dirty hands off my girl.”

“Your GIRL?” Harry laughed and shoved Max backward. “She’s not your girl.”

Max was pissed he ran at Harry, but since Harry was nowhere near drunk, he easily dodged. Louis and Eleanor ran over, trying to step in between the two guys. “What happened?” Louis asked.

“Harry found out what Max did.” you cried. “Harry! Harry please stop.”

Harry looked at you, noticing your fear and froze. A bouncer had rushed in, grabbing Max and halting the fight. “You fucking little whore. You better get your ass in the car. You better give me what I want or your ass will be sorry.”

“She’s not going anywhere with you. Now or ever.” Harry snarled, nodding to the bouncer to carry him away. Harry turned to you, wiping the dirt from his shirt. “(y/n)...” you didn’t even hesitate. You ran into his arms crying, his hands tugging through your hair and rubbing circles into your back until you calmed down. “Shh...come on love, lets go home.” Harry helped you to his car, his hand never leaving yours. He helped you inside and tugged you to his lap where you were finally able to settle down and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Oh (y/n)....my sweet sweet (y/n)...why would you ever let a man treat you that way and still go back to him.” 

You weren’t drunk, but you had alcohol in your system and you were also exhausted. You yawned, turning into his chest so that he was holding you close. “Because I can’t have the guy I really love” you mumbled sleepily.

“What?” Harry’s hands in your hair froze. His eyes staring down at you.

You closed your eyes, listening to the sound of his heart beat. You were drifting off to sleep but managed to get out one more sentence beforehand, “because I can’t have you.” 

---

Possibly a new series? What do you think?

xoxo

[barnesandco]

The Greater Good

Carrying the shield isn’t an easy job; it often requires a great deal of sacrifice, and that can be difficult for Bucky to come to terms with. 

Based on the “Where’s my supersuit?” scene from The Incredibles.

This is an entry for @star-spangled-bingo​​ 2020. Word count: 2044. Square filled: “Free Space”

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes

Warnings: Mentions of injury, wounds, blood. Mentions of drinking alcohol. Mild angst, slight separation anxiety.

A/N: Idk what to say, y’all. I wish I had the decency to apologize for writing a fic I’ll probably regret posting instead of working on my WIPs, one of which is on hiatus bc I’m a lazy jerk, but such is life. Blame The Incredibles (which I’ve never seen -- I’m not sorry) and @samingtonwilson 's anon. Also, while you're there, go check out Taal's masterlist because she's an incredibly (pun intended) talented, amazing, fantastic writer and every. single. one. of her stories is a must-read.

Honeysuckle and mango, the scented candles on each bedside table flicker in the light breeze drifting through the open window, a sea of dark ink dotted with stars visible beyond. Late summer is cooling into autumn, and the leaves of the tree that shades their bedroom on hot days is slowly turning into an early shade of yellow-orange, that glints in the glow of streetlights to remind Bucky of the specks of gold that set Sam’s eyes alight like a September sunset. It’s been two weeks since Bucky’s seen those eyes, two weeks he's been awake before dawn with more worry than he knows how to run off.

He’s due back today, his husband, after a fortnight of radio silence thanks to a stake-out in the Canadian wilderness, in wait for a lucrative arms deal to occur, and for the team of Avengers to prevent. The mission had been called a day after Bucky broke -- no, shattered -- his arm during a drug bust in California, thereby disqualifying him from participation, and sentencing him to this torturous wait. A wait that has now, finally, come to an end. Almost. 

Bucky lets out a quiet sigh on his way back to the kitchen. Placing a second plate of homemade ravioli and the necessary utensils on a tray table, he returns to the bedroom, putting his food next to where Sam’s waits patiently. Wrings both hands, one made of metal, and the other with a cast on it. Any minute now, he thinks, pulling out the first aid kit from under the bed and putting it on the dresser, ready to use under the bright glow of the lamp next to it. The room is filled with soft light, the smell of pasta, and the ache of Bucky’s heart as he tries to quell the unreasonable nerves that tug at his diaphragm.

Nearly a year of falling asleep with the feel of Sam’s wedding band under the stroking of his thumb, nearly two of being intimately familiar with the texture of his lips, and nearly three of being perfect partners in combat and good friends out of it, yet Sam still makes him nervous. A good nervous, the flutter of nerves in his belly, Bucky determines as he paces the hallway, stopping in front of the mirror to push his hair back. Maybe he’ll ask Sam to cut it tomorrow, once he’s recovered. From his wounds and Bucky’s... affections.

The thought has only just crossed Bucky’s mind when the tap of boots alerts him to someone’s presence at the door. Keys jingle, but he’s too quick, already unlocking the door and throwing it open as Sam lifts his hand to the lock, where it, and the rest of him, freezes at the sight of Bucky, cheeks dusted with a rosy pink already. 

Words stay unspoken, and the sentiment of longing, of unimaginable relief is transferred directly from Bucky’s mouth to Sam’s. His metal arm rises to grip Sam’s suit-clad waist, and Sam’s gloved hands cradle Bucky’s head gently, so at odds with the pressure with which he seeks to draw forth pleasure. Soon, the kiss turns to open mouths, just resting over each other, elevated breaths colliding in the margin of air between them. Bucky breaks away with a sigh, arms around Sam, and forehead against his, eyes closed.

“I missed you, too, Bucky.” Sam smiles, split lip rasping over over Bucky’s, and he pulls back to look at him. Keeps ahold of his hand as he leads him to their room -- taking note of his limp -- and silently begins to peel the suit off his husband’s tired, burdened shoulders. Sam’s sees the trays on the bed and raises an eyebrow at him in question, but Bucky’s spotted the gauze covering the lower left side of his ribs.

“You were shot,” Bucky says lowly, kneeling, and bringing the first aid kit with him to the floor, unfortunately too used to this sort of thing to really be fazed by it. Besides, he doesn’t want to waste any time chewing Sam out for getting hurt, not when he can be sitting next to him with good food and even better laughter, something sorely needed after ages of quiet. He’ll allow the delay in those plans for their evening just enough to redress the wound that has started to bleed through the bandages.

Sam shrugs with the confident nonchalance of someone who knows he isn’t getting told off. “It happens,” he says with a grin. “What’s with dinner in bed?”

“Thought you’d be more comfortable,” Bucky answers. “And we can get down to business quicker,” he quips, ignoring the scoff elicited, as they’re both well aware that Sam’s in no condition for such at the moment.

While Bucky starts cleaning the blood that has seeped out through his staples, Sam takes off the light chain that carries his wedding band, and puts the ring back in its rightful place, on his fourth finger. By the time he’s reached for a shirt in the dresser next to him, Bucky’s done, and he stands so Sam can lean on him while he puts on his favorite pair of sweatpants.

“Hurry up, old man, the food’s goin’ cold and I worked real hard on it,” Bucky says, getting Sam settled in so he’s leaning on the pillows against the headboard, and pours him wine. 

Sam’s eyes widen, shocked. “Old? You’re one to talk.”

“At least I can walk straight,” Bucky retorts, and Sam gestures towards his stomach.

“I was shot.”

“And whose fault is that?” Bucky jokes, and Sam’s mouth snaps shut, his shoulders shudder to contain the building amusement, until they both burst into laughter. Bucky watches Sam’s eyes scrunch tightly shut as he laughs, and he lets the sound spill into his soul like an essence of life. It’s been a while since he heard it, and it sounds just as sweet, as effulgent, as he recalls. 

Recovering from the outburst, Sam breathes slowly, trying not to laugh again. “Okay, alright, I’m sorry. You’re not old, you’re just--” he bites his lip, and Bucky tries not to wince in anticipation of the wound on his lip reopening. “-- mature.” He smirks at him, and Bucky rolls his eyes, putting another piece of ravioli in his mouth. The room goes quiet, and they relish the food and each other’s company. Bucky drinks in the content, relaxed features of Sam’s face. He’s radiating goodness, and that energy that can only be described as unapologetically Sam. 

The golden, shining bubble of a moment is burst by Sam’s phone ringing outside, from the chest of drawers in the entrance, and Sam gives him a look, before going to retrieve it. Bucky recognizes the Captain-voice Sam’s using on the phone, making the gears start to turn in his head, a process that results in him going to pick up the shield lying next to the bed, and hiding it behind their tuxedos, the ones they wore to their wedding, in the closet. Luckily for him, Sam’s call ends just as he’s gotten back to bed, half-eaten plate of pasta in front of him like he never moved.

Bucky’s gut instinct was right. Nobody could have any reason for calling Sam at this hour with the exception of Nick Fury. “Robbery on 9th ave. They’re using Chitauri energy cores,” he says, pulling off the loungewear and putting the suit back on. Zip, boots, gloves, and then--

“Where’s my shield?” He asks, turning to look around the room. “I put it right here.” Sam looks at Bucky and he averts his gaze.

“I don’t know,” he says, entirely unconvincingly, and Sam clenches his jaw in understanding, putting his hands on his hips in wait.

“Bucky.”

Bucky traces the gold veins running along his metal arm. “What?”

“I need my shield,” Sam says softly, stepping forward.

“Why?” It’s Bucky’s turn to put his hands on his hips, and Sam throws his in the air in frustration. Bucky tries to avoid thinking about the veins that protrude along his neck at the movement. This is not the time, Barnes, focus. 

“Why? What do you mean, why?”

“Ask them to send someone else! I've been waiting to see you for two weeks. You can't just leave again.” But Sam’s already on his way to the closet, rummaging, searching first through an unhealthy amount of running shoes -- Bucky’s new vice -- and then his outrageous collection of compression t-shirts. 

“The public is in danger, Bucky,” he says, voice muffled from the closet. 

"My evening is in danger," he replies, crosses his arms and leans in the doorway. 

“Come on, man. I have to go. For the greater good and all.” He looks up from the underwear drawer to send a pleading expression Bucky’s way, and Bucky fixes his glare on a spot on the wall above Sam’s head. Aims his next words at that spot, too.

"”I'm your husband. I'm the greatest good you're ever going to get,” Bucky responds sharply, but Sam continues searching, and soon, Bucky drops the act. “You're injured, Sammy. You're not well enough to go,” he says, pushing off where he’s leaning and stepping forward. Somehow, he lets his arms uncross and clench slowly at his sides, fists that he works to reopen, feeling the stretch of tendons accompany the strain in his voice. Sam helps, taking a hand in each of his, thumb sliding over the base of each of his fingers. The knuckles of his broken arm are covered in plaster, and the metal one whirrs, almost purring. 

“Bucky, look,” Sam says, voice so quiet it’s like he’s relaying a secret in a crowded room, rather than an explanation in an empty one. “I know it's hard, and I'm sorry, but you know that this is what the job takes.” Bucky watches Sam press his mouth thinly together, tries to ignore the logic he knows is present in his partner’s words, but Bucky was never one for ignorant bliss. He’s making an ineffectual effort to suppress the natural conscious that’s telling him to send Sam off, and it isn��t sustainable. “I'll be back before you know it.” Sam’s smooth, low timbre pierces the conflict Bucky is striving to resolve, and the turmoil, the unreasonable bid to restrain Sam from leaving settles like dust after a sandstorm.

Sam’s hands tighten around Bucky’s and he can feel the pulse in them, in the safe, warm skin the touch of which is his home, the surface that brings him back to Earth no matter where his head is going. However, now, Bucky lets go, and retrieves Sam shield. Gives it to him without another word, and accepts the grateful nod of thanks.

He’s almost to the door, Bucky trailing a few steps behind -- resolutely brushing aside the analogy of lost puppies -- when he stops and turns. Gives Bucky a look that would be abstruse if not for years of conversation, of moments that enable Bucky to tell that Sam’s frown, the shine of his eyes, that anxious hand running along the edge of his shield, means only that he’s reluctant. Bucky’s hunch is proven right when Sam comes forward to stand toe-to-toe with him, eyes locked on his.

“Thank you. I’ll be home soon,” he says, leaning to place a kiss on his forehead. Just a touch, a whisper of reassuring force, before he’s moving away again, eye contact only broken when he leaves the threshold of their house, stepping outside.

Bucky holds the back door and watches him deploy his wings. Sam traces a flight path on his arm panel as Bucky looks on, watching the lights shine on his skin like shimmering topaz, beautiful, glowing, alive, and prays that he’ll return to him that way. Again. 

Once he’s done reading mission details and ready to go, Sam looks up again, eyes dancing with mirth and adoration, the former of which he voices in a joke that is meant to disguise his concern for Bucky, even though he’s the one leaving for battle. “Don’t wait up for me. You need your rest, grandpa,” Sam calls, laughter trembling in his throat, taking off in a flash of red, white, and blue. 

[aros001]

First time read through light novel vol. 5.

STOP BITING YOUR DAMN FINGERS!!!

“��If you have decided to fight, fight with all your body and soul. Forget all pretty words that lead to defeat. Hunger and thirst for victory using any means necessary. If you can still stand, if you can still move a single finger, if your fangs have not yet been broken, stand. Stand. Get up, get up, and attack. So long as you live, fight. Fight, fight, fight!”

In my last post I commented on how Subaru, if he wanted to be closer to Emilia, had ironically already learned the way during one of his previous loops; that instead of grandstanding and white knighting for her he could have just been her friend like she wanted. This reminds me a little of that, because we have seen Subaru fight with everything he has, not even entertaining Return By Death as an option for if he should fail. The fight against Elsa applies but I'm mainly thinking of when he faced off against the Shaman. He did everything he possibly could in that battle, fighting and struggling until the very end even when it was clear he couldn't win, not even allowing himself to think of failing because of what could happen to Rem and Ram. That's the interesting thing about Subaru. He has already had times where he's proved his worth and his value to others. But he's so caught up in the fantasy that he either doesn't see it himself or it's not enough for him.

This has nothing to do with anything, just that after reading Wilhelm in this book I love it so much that he and Sebas (from Overlord) are friends in Isekai Quartet. I want to see Wilhelm gushing about his wife and Sebas gushing about Tuare to each other.

As was typical, there were few that Emilia could count on, and she had enemies numbering beyond reason. In such circumstances, who would take her side without some kind of ulterior motive?

The answer was no one. After all, there was nobody currently at her side who would be her staunch ally.

She had left behind the one who would have.

No doubt, when Emilia realized that, she would regret what she had done. That was why—

Subaru lifted his head and murmured with determination, “I’ve...got to go save her, don’t I?”

....

In the carriage, he silently let the time pass, alone.

With the exception of Rem in the driver’s seat, he was isolated in that place, unable to sense the presence of any other.

—And he never noticed the faint twisting of his lips.

Oh ho! Ominous! But in seriousness, I do like what the narration is doing throughout this book and showing how somewhat twisted Subaru is becoming, to the point that he's happy something bad might be about to happen to the woman he loves just so he'll have an opportunity to try and save her again. Or that he can't be happy that Otto approves of Emilia trying to become king, because at the moment he sees his value as being the "only" person truly on her side; a mindset that's threatened by others who believe in her. Subaru, I believe, is a good guy, but obsession and entitlement can easily turn a good man bad. And yes, I am thinking of Star Wars.

I think I remember seeing fanart that made fun of how little of season 1 Otto was in.

All at once, the figures faced Subaru and reverently bowed their heads to him.

“—Ah?”

Subaru’s brain was unable to process the scene before him.

The incomprehensible band that had emerged was paying Subaru respect for reasons unknown, and leaving him behind in his confusion, they began sliding out of sight.

Given the narration implies they went after Otto after sparing him, I'm curious what specifically they noticed about Subaru; the witch's scent or his mental state?

If he could voice the possibility that he’d lost the girl he cared for and the possibility his own heart could break, then why not offer up a sacrifice so that he wouldn’t have to?

As much as I ship Subaru and Rem, I do like this bit. Him saying Rem's name and wondering over her fate because he can't bare to think about what might have happened to Emilia. He cares about Rem but clearly it'd be easier for him to accept something terrible happening to her over Emilia. Naturally though, I do like his horror at finding Rem's dead body, the narration talking about everything he'd come to like about her and that she was just starting to like herself.

I remember in the anime the scene that scared me the most was when Subaru gets flash-frozen. Obviously being frozen that much would kill you but this is a world of magic, so for all I knew it was going to be a Medusa situation (only with ice instead of stone) and Subaru wouldn't be able to RBD because he technically wasn't alive. It's a weird sensation, feeling relieved as you watch a man's body shatter like glass.

Thanks to Rem’s tireless efforts, the store had sold its merchandise nicely, and the shopkeeper, in quite high spirits, seemed inclined to give them a souvenir. He was asking how many abbles Subaru wanted to take with him, and she remembered him answering, “How ’bout all of ’em?”

The very next moment, his demeanor abruptly changed, and he fell limply onto the street. When Rem sat him up, he seemed so overcome by sadness and tears of joy that he kept laughing.

Beyond his own constant deaths and seeing the deaths of everyone he loves, the thing I felt the most sorry for Subaru for is how his RBD looks to everyone else. For us the audience we know what he's been through but for them it must look like he's either a whiner or completely crazy, with only his harsh emotional state giving them any reason to believe anything is actually wrong and that he's not just fragile.

So is it because the witch cult attacked her village that Rem is so sensitive to the scent of the witch or is it something else about her? Because she says even Ram can't catch the smell like she can, so I'm assuming it's not just a demon thing (though I suppose Ram doesn't have her horn, so maybe it could be), and she even says very few beings can detect the presence in general.

There are even more good parallels between Subaru and Rem in this book, but also some nice contrasts that come with them. She also wants Subaru all to herself and is jealous of all the others in his life, like he's starting to be with Emilia, but she keeps herself from being too possessive over him, even finding a lot of things she likes in his relationships with others. She even toys with the idea of running away with him, which I like given what I assume is going to be happening next volume. It's something she's considered and wanted even before Subaru's offer and shows that such a thing is very tempting for her. But she turns herself away from the idea, both to not abandon her sister and for Subaru's own sake as well.

I do like that any issues Rem has with Emilia are not just because Subaru loves Emilia. It's a factor, certainly, but there were issues before he ever even came into the picture because of Emilia's resemblance to the Witch of Envy. Even Rem acknowledges to herself that her feelings are irrational and unfair, because Emilia herself has done nothing wrong, but the witch cult still made any connections to the witch such a personal thing to her. I helps me understand the rest of this world a little better, given how near everyone is prejudiced against Emilia because of the witch. While it's irrational, that's exactly what great pain and tragedy cause.

I think the implication with Subaru's madness wasn't necessarily that he was faking it but that he willingly dove into the madness so that he could escape from reality and was actively fighting against returning to sanity. Not only were his reactions too genuine most of the time but I feel like either Ferris or Wilhelm would have called him out if he was completely faking it. Someone besides just Petelgeuse would have noticed. His experience from the first loop caused him to crack and he chose to stay broken so that he could be pitied and not have to deal with the world anymore.

Even though their hands were together, their hearts were at opposite poles.

Subaru Natsuki’s heart was tempted far into that deep, deep, dark abyss—

Holy shit, I love that line and image.

Nothing much else to say other than that I am SO happy Subaru and Crusch's talk over drinks seems to have been before the save point, so RBD didn't erase it. She might be one of my favorite non-mansion characters so far and the small relationship the two have built I don't want to see lost.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Re_Zero/comments/gq1uao/novels_first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_5/