#dream ended somewhere around there because the dog woke me up

[david-watts]

it’s a cliche to want to kill myself this close to the end of the year, if that saying that most people off themselves around this time of year is true. but ooh look at me who is too lazy to do anything properly because nothing I do is ever good enough and maybe? maybe that’s fuckin true

[deesseshesca]

Mystery reading ~ 1 

Where is life going …

Morning, pretty souls, today we are checking on this bitch called : LIFE. What’s good ? What’s up ? What’s popping ? I’m talking CAREER, FINANCE, LOVE maybeeeeee s.e.x.

I already found my winner. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE THAT PARTICIPATED ! MUCH LOVE TO Y’ALL. 

Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION 

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else. 

MINOR DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST 

MINOR DON’T READ THIS POST 

CHOOSE AN IMAGE

Basing myself on the legal age in my country which is 18 

PILE 1 (18+)

Moon (reverse), Six pentacles, Four pentacles (reverse), two cups, 666’ ‘’I’m sorry I put my career before you ! I’m trying to get out of debt… I’m willing to put time & effort now because I don’t want to lose you !’’, ‘’I’M learning how to love myself now thanks to you !’’

Your dreams are becoming a nightmare. You are breaking under pressure and your overthinking is running wild. You feel overwhelmed by your problems or your overthinking is paralyzing. You had a dream about a wolf and dog barking at you, we were so scared you woke up sweating. But what you don’t realize is that they were not coming for you, they were urging you to realize the urgency of your problem. You are in a constant state of anxiety and you project this upon others. You are the root of all your problems. Even if we take them away, you are still in bad shape. I really advise you to apply to some social help in your community regarding mental health. It might not be the best service but it will be a good beginning. Show some grace to your friend. They might not be equipped to fully help you, but they are trying their best. They are really here for you. They only wish to help and be a good shoulder for you to lay your head upon. In your heart, you know who your real friends are. Your fiance is doing so well, You are living your dream life and riding your dream car. I’m getting that nobody knows you are going through HELL in your mind. You don’t show it one bit. Is the only thing you control. Is the way you look so it will kill you if it falls apart. You bury yourself in workload just to distract from the constant voices in your mind. Several events are coming towards us. Before you fire a shot in your head, listen, is the way you are going to react going to determine the next few years in life. Don’t panic, do some shadow work, do some meditation and listen to some subliminals. So when the events happen you react in your best abilities. You might be closing this toxic cycle very soon. Allow change to affect your self-belief slowly but surely. Use your feelings and gut feelings. I feel you nodding your head in a negative way, but listen, if you can manifest a dream apartment and car in such a negative state. Babe not everything you are doing is wrong. Especially in this economy ! Give yourself some flowers. Stop putting others first. I feel like you hide your pain, because you don't want to feel like a burden. Babe I don't want you to hit the deep end. So I prefer you be a burden than a forever trauma for people around you. 

The remedy of a broken heart - Xxxtentacion

Romance 

Nine swords (reverse), Knight of pentacles, two pentacles (reverse), 6 pentacles (reverse) 

Right now there’s one of my closest guy friends that is showing signs of attraction towards you. Actually love not lust. You might not feel like jumping in because he doesn't know how badly life is beating you. You don’t want them to associate with the mess you are in. 

SEX 

TOOO BAD ! THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ! THEY ARE COMING IN ! Girl, he loves you. Before we even get anything sexual, he wants me to point out his feelings for you. Right you might feel like you sense a shift in y’all relationship but babe you have no idea how obsessive he is with you. Next, you will not let him hit quickly. You will move extremely slow. And he is going to allow you to take the lead. You might act like you don’t care about him, pretend like you don’t feel what he is feeling. But he knows deep down you are just scared of intimacy. You swear you prefer fucking over love, but him and I both know the truth. He's not letting your sabotage get in the way of y’all relationship. Girl you can play all the games you want he stays going to be gentle and waiting for you. Showing that he ain’t going anywhere. Never pushing your limit. Just happy to be in your presence. That man is going to book a hotel room for your first time. But i’m getting that y’all will already be in a relationship when y’all get down and nasty. You get a room full of candles and flowers like the one on the gram. For the first time in sex, it is not going to feel like you're distracting yourself from your life. But you will be totally immersed in the experience. I’m getting that your anxiety will be completely off. You might wake up thinking it was all a dream but nah girl he is really beside you and you are really in a hotel suite after having the best sex u ever had. You might try to control the whole experience and he will allow you to take the lead. He will always check on you : Can I take it off ? Do you want me to put my finger in, baby ? Does it feel good love ? You can take it all in,  princess .  (He loves using little names for you) He must be good at dirty talking. I’m hearing the type to talk you through it. 

AFTERCARE 

Y’all be cuddling. He will be keeping you close to him. You will finally let him in completely. You will apologize for letting work take first in your life and being emotionally available even though you guys are in a relationship. Because you were still very scared. But it won't be news for him, he already  knows it. You will realize how much you NEEDED someone like him in you life.

Foreplay- Shenseea 

PILE 2 

Temperance (reverse), 3 wands (reverse), Ace pentacles (reverse), 9 pentacles (reverse), 777. 111

You are not learning. I’m hearing Abby Miller: ‘’ HAVE YOU LEARN NOT NOTHING  !’’. Your excuse is life can end tmr and you might die at the very minute so YOLO. GIRL ! I can assure you, you will live longer than a month . You are not dying anytime soon. So… STOP IT ! Not only that but you have the audacity to feel unlucky like you ain’t the one messing it all up. Not only that, you are getting frustrated. I’m hearing someone around you saying ‘’ I told you so !’’. GIRL YOU DON’T HAVE MONEY. Don’t even try it. Stop spending money. There’s more money coming out than coming in. STOP SPENDING ! Girl, I'm your last warning. The universe is fed up with you. You are better at spending than earning. Is not even funny anymore …I swear. You might think I’m nagging but I'm stressing for you.. You are soon going to be in BIG PROBLEM.  YOU ARE NOT DYING TMR ! So stop the YOLO. Build some money discipline. When the universe will be happy with your change, your luck is going to come back even better this time. With the money, you will fund a new skill that will be more abundant than you ever have on your own. Your personal income will be 3x at least. 

Kobe - Fresh

ROMANCE 

Two words (reverse) , 5 swords, 2 cups (reverse), 5 pentacles

I feel you are in a relationship with someone you vow not to love but only to use for some money. Like you needed a place to stay. But it is just any ordinary man. Pile 2 you guys are the final boss of beauty privilege. The way your beauty is mesmerizing. Is like the sec that the male specimen lays eye on you, it submit to your every need. You are not at the basic level of having your drink paid or people always helping you. Men pay for your trip, your makeup, your luxury purse and everything you can think of, you will have. Every time you open up about it, girl be quick to call you an OF, when in reality you are fucking telling the truth. I didn't even know people like you exist. I thought my mind was playing games but one of your spirit guards was like ‘’If you can drag her spending, you better applaud her beauty’’. If you guys believe in past life, it will not surprise me if you were one of the prettiest princesses in the medieval and in the 1800. Like other souls may think that vanity is useless. But you know how resourceful it is. If you don't believe in it. Your beauty is something in the spiritual world that spirits admire to the point of idolizing it. I will not be surprised if you are of royal blood. Anyway, you are male ultimate fantasy. The man you know knows it. This is not your first rodeo. Is not the first time you use men for their resources. But it is the first time that the man  treats you like a goddess instead of a sex toy. He has venus in Virgo, his love language is act of service. He cares extremely about you. He cares about your well-being and your mental health. He is at least a multi-millionaire. He knows you are not fully committed to him, but he hopes that he shows how sincere he is, you will eventually open up. Everytime he try to have an emotional moment, you end up fucking him. And he's getting tired of it. If you don’t change the cards are showing me, that  is going to be too late. You  will soon realize he was one of the very rare ones. Let me tell you something, when he is done with something, there’s NOTHING that can make him go back. You are scared he is going to feel disgusted when he realizes how much shit you are financially. But believe me, he loves you too much. I think the concept of your love is foreign to you that you don’t even know how to actually react. Don’t worry he will teach you. 

You guys are definitely bilingual, you might be speak french 

I think it was essential for me to make a difference between your finances and the resources of others. I feel like you are living a luxurious life that has always been funded by everyone but you. And you can't even imagine becoming a rich man. Girl let me breathe some life into you. If you know how to make men answer to your  crazy desires that means you know how to market yourself. You probably know how to brand yourself. You've been jumping from rich to rich men, I know you pick more in their talk than I could ever in my economy class. Learn some financial discipline, learn a skill and you will have a sweet freedom. 

Streets - Doja Cat

PILE 3 (18+) 

Emperor (reverser), 5 pentacles, Ace pentacles (reverse), Strength (reverse), 0505,111, ‘’I miss making love to you ! I will do anything just to hold you again !’’, ‘’ I tried to replace you but it didn't work out because I’m madly in love with you & I was fighting it ! I know this is divine’’

Your life is a mess and it is your fault. Here I said it. I felt a lot of people sigh at the same time: ‘’Finally’’. You keep blaming others and hiding behind ‘’circumstances’’. You love to remind people of a glorious past you once had. Where you were on top of your game. I'm hearing Golden child gone bad. ( I'm even smelling mold) You were once the best of the school. The top employee at your work and winning trophies left right in sport, Now you barely show up to class. You always come very late at work. Because you keep escaping your problem You don’t look for help. You keep saying ‘’ it is what it is’’ Your finances might slow down but you're for sure taking a hit in life. You are feeling lonely and vulnerable. Some might stop here, but I know that you are hiding a bigger problem. You are actually a golden child turned importer syndrome. Back in high school it was easy to be the best. Now you are in a room full of people going as hard as you and you  feel like you ain’t doing enough or your result doesn't hold the candle beside theirs. You are stressed and miserable. Finally you don’t see the end of this financial mess. You feel like everything is expensive. But the reality is that you are trying to keep up with the lifestyle of your classmate. You have enough to survive and you are refusing to ask for help. Advice: 1. Buy quality over quantity. 2. Invest your time in a hobby that is free or very inexpensive so when you cancel your plan you actually have a good reason. And it stops you from overthinking . Also you are actually building skill instead of rotting. You have sadly fallen into bad habits but there is a way out. Unexpectedly, it is about to happen in your life with that hobby. You might find love or a job. Some will get fly out because of your skill. As crazy as it might be, you are on the right path. The right persons is heading your way, opportunities and happiness are closer than you think. 

Dans mon monde - GENEZIO

ROMANCE 

Wheel fortune, Star, 5 wands (reverse), 7 pentacles

Is the comeback of an ex. When he will make his appearance in your life you will be skeptical. There's so much chaos in your life and you don’t need more drama. Back then your relationship was rocky not because he was treating you like shit. He was emotionally close off. I’m getting a good girl and a bad boy. When you broke up with him, you swore to his face that your life would be better without him. Nobody can ignore your glow up. But your life is a complete mess and you are going to feel too embarrassed to show it to him. You guys are fated lovers. I’m hearing, red strings (ikyk). Unexpected meeting while you are running errands. You will look like a HOT mess. In your big pj, your person is going to be so turned on just by the sight of you. 

SEX 

I feel like when you are going to have sex, y'all would already be in a relationship. It will be in the daytime. It will not be planned, but at that moment both of you agree mentally that is happening now. You will be ready. Dress in white or pink pastel lingerie. I’m seeing small full perky tits. Bubble butt, you have bangs. Might be a brunette or blond, it can be a wig for my black reader. You are giving very doll vibes. The sex will be the best you ever had. I think he was your first. Since him had been fucking but nothing came close to him. Is not just because of love, the guy knows what he is doing. I feel like he has some sexual trauma. Like he lost his v-card very young to an older woman. And ever since he has been sexualising himself. He only loves being intimate with you. He also  fucked other women but none felt like you. It's like they were only there for his sexual abilities. While when y'all are making love, he feels seen, wanted and loved. Is also going to feel more better than usual because you guys are both open emotionally. You will open up before that encounter , he will answer some like ‘’ You loved me at my worst. Is a honor for me to be there for you and pour into your cup just like you did for me…’’Is going to be sensual, I’m getting DEEP love making. Is going to solidify y’all decision to try again for the long run. I’m getting a future spouse. 

AFTER CARE 

NO MESSAGE 

He has a big dick. Is hard for him to get turned on. But it is like he can’t help it when he is with you. You give the best head and you love giving him head. 

He has a lot of money 

He will fly you out to have this experience. BAECATION ! 

You definitely know how to speak french 

Bonbon a la menthe - Jok'Air

[chamotate]

tell me about that theo chap mr homo man

SIR YES SIR!!!

ill be honest my lore for theo is kinda vague bc hes just kinda there as a character that changes people and whatnot

Alright, so Theo comes from a very poor background, living in London's slums with his 4 siblings. He learnt how to sneak around and how to steal. When he met Sharon he was in LOVE. Not just because he was attracted to her, but also because she actually cared about him and shit. She actually made him feel worthy of life. But he was rejected....a lot.... This guy could NOT take a hint.

Anyway time to get chronological.

1933, Theo hears a lot of talk about Germany, he didn't care much about it, he didn't really pay attention to what was said. All he cared about was knowing his best friend got in to medical school and that was awesome. He spent weeks wondering if he could've ever been as successful as Sharon... maybe if he had the money.

1939, Theo hears there's a new war around and they need to prepare men for the front, but he's still too young to go, being only 16 at this point. This doesn't stop him from applying though, after all, what else was there for him to do? Maybe if he could prove himself to be a hero, maybe he could help his family.

Of course, he's not accepted because the dumbass used his real age, but he decides to wait it out. Wait until Sharon is accepted, he couldn't go without her.

1940, Theo liked to hang around the Underground stations. There was something so amusing about swarms of people packing into tiny stations. Occasionally, he would guide a few people, there were loads of new foreigners trying to escape Germany and its neighbouring countries of course. But there was one girl, Ida, that just stuck out to him. It was almost as she made herself more helpless, just for his assistance - to Theo, this meant true love. Usually he would just point somewhere, tell someone what bus to take, where to turn, that would be it. He didn't really know how, but she had somehow convinced him to be carrying all her luggage and following her behind like a dog. There was something weird about her mannerisms, but he just assumed it was just a... cultural thing??

Whatever it was, he was happy to be in her presence. But she was married. (BUDDY BRO IS NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE.)

She left a few weeks later, without any explanation. Theo assumed he did something wrong... but then he finally realised.

That whole time, she was using him. She wasn't some helpless anti-war refugee from Germany. She was a fucking Nazi who just manipulated him into protecting her until the bombing in Germany ended. How was he so fucking stupid???

1941, he's in the trenches. It was NOT as advertised. He was cold, terrified, he wanted to be home again. He wanted to be safe.

He woke up every night, shaking, his brain tortured him with pictures of his comrades, mutilated. He couldn't escape, even in his dreams. His whole routine was: wake up, kill, eat, kill more, sleep. It was all he knew now. The routine would keep him safe. If he just kept focused on killing the enemy... don't think about the enemy, don't think about what they look like, stay numb and kill... surely he would be fine. That definitely wouldn't affect him at all!!!!

Theo finally had enough. It had been months. He couldn't take it.

Lucky for him, it was all over. He had been shot and he fell back on a rusty nail which cut his side, he yelled in pain. But he felt it was over. He smiled. Laughed even. The last thing he saw was Sharon's face. It was the best way to die. That was the only person he needed to see.

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

Journey to the Past

(1) (2) (3)

Nothing made sense to Jack anymore. First, he woke up in a place far, far, far from home. Second, his body acted in weird and mysterious ways. Third, there's an ache - an emptiness - in the back of his head, lurking in the lull of his thoughts. He would almost start to say something but he would forget as soon as its on the tip of his tongue. Very frustrating.

Jack deals with all of it the way Jack knows best. He forgets. He ignores. He stuffs his troubles in a far corner of his mind, somewhere dark and dusty. He focuses on the here and the now, keeping himself busy. This ends up harder than he first expected, since he was basically trapped in bed.

It turns out that nearly drowning has terrible, terrible effects on the body. Well, according to the old crone (as translated by Hiccup), he was lucky to have all his limbs (with fingers and toes). But at this rate, Jack was going to lose his mind. Hiccup took pity on him because he was that kinda guy.

Their little outing (on the back of an honest-to-God dragon) had done very well in distracting Jack. Except, of course, there was that little (heh) hiccup at the beginning. Such a little touch - a mere brush of the fingertips - should not inspire so much... so much... Jack didn't even have the words to describe his reaction. It was not pleasant. But it wasn't unpleasant. It was simply... strange.

Jack had always considered himself affectionate enough. He sometimes even skirted the bounds of propriety. He enjoyed teasing Anna too much - poking her cheek, messing up her hair, and even lifting her up to swing her around. He welcomed the warm hands of his parents - Father's solid claps on the shoulder, Mother's gentle touch to his arms or face. And certainly, he liked to hold his family - especially on those winter nights when the chill dogged their every breath.

Perhaps, he was put off by Hiccup's touch because they don't know each other, not really. It's one thing to seek comfort from family. It's another thing to allow a foreign body to contact his person. Yeah. That sounds about right.

But then, stranger and stranger still, Jack felt so at home once they took to the skies. There was something about the wind in his face, the weightless way they soared, and the rush of simply going up - up - up that felt all too familiar. Yet he had spent his whole life earthbound. Sure, he's climbed a weathered tree or two or two dozen, and that's the closest he's ever been to the sky. He's certainly never... He's not counting the dreams - the vivid and visceral dreams. Nope. Absolutely not thinking about any of that, thank you.

After their flight, which lasted all of five seconds (really, it was about ten minutes), Jack felt himself slipping into sleep. Oh, he could have stayed in the air for hours and hours and hours. But as the old crone so succintly said, his body was simply not ready for prolonged excitement and activity. Naturally, given their proximity on the saddle, Hiccup had noted his waning energy and despite Jack's vehement protests to keep going, they returned to the ground with haste. Upon landing, he was bundled back onto bed and shamefully, he could barely slur two words together much less argue against their coddling. He sleeps through the night and most of the morning.

Jack doesn't wake up until the sun is high in the sky. Once again, he only has the old crone for company. He had been sure that Hiccup would have other things to do the way any able bodied man would have many tasks and chores. Then, speak of the Devil, Hiccup returns after their midday meal (if anyone could call the crone's cooking as food).

"So you survived the night," Hiccup says after getting a good look at him.

Jack chuckles. "Believe me. I'm surprised too."

Hiccup allows a small grin to curve his mouth. "Right. Well. I asked around about the New World - you said Hawthorne?"

Jack blinks, nodding slightly. "Uh, yeah..."

"Great! So, no one knew anything about it."

"How is that great?"

"I was getting to that. We have a trader, Johann. He visits every couple of months. He might have a map or some kind of information about the New World."

"Oh... Does that mean... I can go home?"

"It's... It's not impossible."

Jack studies the blankets covering his legs. It's made from wool cloth, and he would know a thing or two about wool, given his family's humble flock. He wonders if the sheep misses him. He cared little for his shepherding duties, always finding ways to distract himself. And after all the... excitement, with him washing ashore to some unknown country... He's not eager to watch the sheep some more, but to lay his eyes on those familiar fields, walk down those old hillside trails, and rest upon that good green grass - that would be a fine thing. He would very much like that.

"Thank you, Hiccup," Jack murmurs, grateful despite the ache swelling in his chest. There's a weariness to his bones that feels both new and old at the same time, as if he's been traveling for hundreds of years, never staying anywhere for too long. The thought - the mere idea of returning home - some place known to him in every intimate way, it hurts as only hope can.

Hiccup must sense the raw sentiment in his voice for he coughs awkwardly. Jack hastily rubs a hand across his face, wary of any tears slipping free.

"Yeah. So. That's the good news."

Jack gives him a curious look. "There's more?"

"Unfortunately. My friends wanna... um... Well, you're kinda... Everyone's curious about you. And my friends know that I've been dropping by to visit. So..."

Jack snorts. "How is that bad?"

Hiccup sighs, long and loud. "When you meet them, you'll understand."

"Then what are we waiting for? I can meet them right now." Jack throws off the blankets, shuffling off the bed. He tosses a glance at the old crone, smirking playfully. "No offense, as lovely as your hospitality has been, I would hate for you to tire of me."

The old crone rolls her eyes before scribbling on the dirt.

"Take care. I will not save you from Helheim twice," Hiccup helpfully translates.

Jack laughs and touches a hand to his brow as if he was tipping a cap. The old crone waves her walking stick as if to banish him from her home but he spied the grin that tugged at her mouth.

Hiccup says his farewells before heading out the door. He thoughtfully holds it open for Jack, but when Jack tries to follow Hiccup, his feet forgot how to walk. Or that's the excuse he sells when he took two steps and promptly fell over. Of course, Hiccup didn't buy that sheep-dung for a second. After pulling a promise from Jack to sit tight for a few minutes, Hiccup fixes the problem.

"It's not great, but it should do the job. Unless you wanna wait another hour, then I can get something less likely to give you a splinter." Hiccup chuckles, holding out a clumsily carved staff.

Jack can't explain the way his heart skips - fluttering like a bird caged in his ribs. He maybe stops breathing - he definitely stops moving. He's vaguely aware of Hiccup saying stuff, but he can't pull his attention away from the staff. Hiccup could have been the Devil himself and Jack wouldn't notice. But then, Hiccup starts to shift back, pulling the staff away from him.

He doesn't think. His body - his tired and beaten body somehow manages to lunge, throwing himself towards Hiccup. To anyone else, this must seem like an attack of some sort. He doesn't care. He needs that staff. He needs it right this very second.

Luckily for everyone involved, Hiccup appears too surprised by Jack's abrupt actions. He doesn't react and Jack easily grabs hold of the staff. As soon as his palm made contact with the wood, everything within him settles down, tension evaporating from his muscles.

What in the world just happened? Jack sure doesn't know. He can only mirror the confused, startled expression on Hiccup's face.

[doudouneverte]

Protect me, from me

a/n: I'm not really proud of the end but I really want to upload something this month, and sorry for the lack of content

*not my GIF*

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: One year after the event at Kamar Taj, Wanda lost her memories but somewhere in her mind the scarlet witch is ready to come back.

Type: a little angsty and fluff

Warning: taking place after MoM; me trying to write a panic attack

word count: 3704

----------

After all the mess she made with America, Wanda decided to close and destroy the Darkhold to protect everyone. She was there alone when everything started to fall on her, but when she was about to get hit by a stone, she woke up from a bad dream.

The Sokovian opened her eyes quickly, and she started to pant. She looked around to make sure everything was just a dream. She got relaxed when she saw you asleep beside her. She looked at her phone: 2a.m. She sighed and moved to the bathroom. While she was washing her face because of the sweat, she felt something strange, like a presence. She turned around but didn't see anyone. She looked at the mirror again, but she saw them, just behind her. A woman who looked like her; the same hair, the same eyes, and the same face, but the only difference was her expression; she seemed sad and angry at the same time.

Wanda started to panic when a red aura started to emerge from the woman, but when she was about to scream, you entered the room visibly tired. "Hey babe, are you okay?" you asked with a sleepy voice.

The ginger head looked at you, then at the mirror, where the woman had already disappeared, before she looked at you again. "Yeah, it's just that—I had to pee," she replied, and you nodded. "Did I wake you up?" she asked.

"No, it's just that I couldn't find you near me, and I missed you." You said, taking steps toward her until you were close enough to kiss her. She smiled and kissed you back. You always had this power over her; every time she felt bad or anxious, you were always the only one who could help her. "Are you stressed about the party tonight?" you asked when you felt her a little off.

She shook her head. "No, it's just that...you know me and the crowd," she tried to explain.

"We're not obligated to go if you don't want to."

"Y/n, it's your dad's birthday, of course we have to go."

"Yes, but I can always tell him you're sick, and we will see him another day."

"Thank you, honey, but don't worry; I'm fine, I promise." She kissed your forehead. "Now come to sleep; you have to work in a few hours," she reminded you, and you groaned.

This afternoon, Wanda was just back from a little trip to the grocery store. She took time for herself before you came back from work. She played with your dog, Marcus; he loved her, and since you two started dating, he can almost guess every time Wanda is about to have a panic attack. Your girlfriend was reading a book on the couch before she fell asleep.

She opened her eyes, and she was in a house, somewhere she didn't know. She looked around; she called your name, but you didn't reply. She started to worry but decided to check out. When she left the house, everything was weird; the world was in black and white like an old TV show; some people were dressed like back in the 50s, some like in the 60s, etc.; nothing seemed logical. The redhead wanted to escape and find you, but she ran into a woman. This woman wasn't dressed like other characters, and something was strange; despite the black and white atmosphere, her eyes were glowing blue.

"Wanda? Why do you do that, Wanda?" The mysterious woman asked, but your girlfriend didn't understand.

She couldn't reply before a tall man appeared beside her and said, Wanda, I finally found you." She looked at him confused, and she remarked that he didn't look like a human. She wanted to run, but the man grabbed her arm and asked, "Where are you going? The boys need to be fed, and I can't do this alone." Boys? Wanda wondered who's boys. 

"Excuse me, I think you're wrong. I don't know you," she replied, very anxious. She started to walk away, followed by the two strangers, when a voice called her—well,  not really her.

"This is her; it's the Scarlet Witch," a brunette woman said, pointing at Wanda. "It's you. You're the Scarlet Witch," she said, and she repeated it endlessly. Wanda started to feel panicked. She suddenly screamed and woke up. Everything seemed normal. Marcus was near her, visibly worried, and she patted him to let him know she was better now. She made her way to the kitchen to prepare herself a cup of tea, but she noticed something strange. Every piece of furniture in the room turned red. She rubbed her eyes to be sure she was still dreaming, but nothing changed.

She grabbed a mug and examined it before she heard the front. She came back to her senses and went to greet you, but when she was in front of you, the mug in her hand turned white again. "Hey babe, how was your day?" you asked, approaching her. You wanted to hug her, but you noticed what she had in her hand: "Wands, honey, are you alright?"

She turned her attention to you. "Yeah, it's just that I'm distracted." she replied. She didn't know why she didn't tell you the truth; maybe because she thought it was too unrealistic and you would never believe her. Honestly,  it's understandable. It's pretty weird to say to your girlfriend that you had a weird dream where someone called you a witch, and after that, when you woke up, all her kitchen furniture turned a bright red.

"If you don't feel good, we can cancel for tonight." You proposed, but she shook her head.

"No, don't worry. And honestly, I think it will be great to see your dad."

"Okay... I'll take a shower, and we can watch a movie if you want; we still have a lot of time before tonight."

"It's an excellent idea; I'll choose the movie and prepare the snack; go get a shower." She kissed you, and you made your way to your bedroom. The Sokovian took a deep breath and started to make her way to the kitchen again. Surprisingly, nothing weird happened again this afternoon, at least until you started to prepare for the party.

You left the bedroom just to check that everything was okay for Marcus. Wanda was alone in the bedroom. She opened the wardrobe and picked out a dress, but in front of the mirror, the dress turned into a scarlet one. Your girlfriend started to be scared; she threw the dress away and took another one, but the same thing happened.

After the fourth one, she just sat on the bed, and her breath started to be erratic. She knew that she was having a panic attack, but she couldn't do anything to stop it. Thankfully for her, you entered the room just as it started, and you noticed her on the bed. You didn't think twice before sitting beside her and taking her face between your hands.

"Hey Wands, babe, follow my breath...breathe in....and breathe out." You instructed her, but when she didn't follow you, you started to worry. You pushed your forehead against hers and waited until she noticed your presence. "Hey honey, can you hear me?" you asked, and she nodded. "Okay, I need you to follow my breath; can you please do that for me?" You waited until she gave physics replies to continue, "Great, breathe in...breathe out." You instructed again, and when she did, you repeated it until she came back to her senses.

"I'm sorry," Wanda said, and you frowned your eyebrows.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"Because you're tired because of the week, and I won't help you by having a panic attack now."

"Hey, look at me." You raised her head and made her look at you. "It's not your fault, okay?  You don't have to be sorry for something you can't control." You reassured her, but she started to cry.

"I know, but it's been a year now, and I can't help but feel like a burden for you. I know you have to work hard for the company, and I still can't remember everything about before we met," she said, and you hugged her.

"Hey, it's okay; doctor Martins said it will take some time." You reminded her.

"Yes, but it's been ONE YEAR!" she snapped, getting away from your touch. "My memories should be back now, but instead of that, I just get fucking bad dreams and anxiety." You didn't say anything; you knew she needed it. "I–I don't know what to do." She sat on the bed, and some tears started to fall from her eyes.

You approached her carefully and sat next to her. When she didn't say anything, you pulled her close to you and ran a hand through her hair.

"I feel like I haven't made any progress." She sobbed, "Sometimes I'm wondering why you're still with someone useless like me." another sob.

You shushed her and still tried to calm her. "You're not useless. Yes, your memories take some time to come back, but like the doctor said, you can't rush things." You reminded her, and you gently cupped her cheeks before leaving a lot of kisses on her face. "And if I'm still with someone incredible like you, it is because I love you." You said, and she smiled.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"Always."

"Do you think we still have time to arrive at time?"

"Definitely not, but I know my dad doesn't mind." You said, standing up, "Are you sure you want to go?" You asked her, and she nodded. "Ok great."

"But... can you pick a nice dress for me, please?" She asked shyly, definitely not ready to repeat what happened earlier. You thought a little about it before agreeing.

The ride to the party was relaxing for Wanda; you spent the time talking about any little things that happened to you at work. It was distracting her from her thoughts. At the party, everyone was happy to finally see the both of you. With your girlfriend's hand in yours, you made your way to your dad and mom, who were relieved to know you could come.

"Happy birthday, dad!" You greeted him excitedly, and he matched your enthusiasm by giving you a crushing hug before giving another one to the Sokovian.

"Happy birthday, Mr. Y/l/n. We bought you something; I know you said you didn't want anything, but I really insisted." Wanda said, and your dad smiled and accepted her present.

"You really didn't have to." He replied, he wanted to talk more with her, but some coworkers came and brought him and you to see some potential new investors, leaving Wanda alone with your mom.

"Even at his birthday party, they talked about work." Your mom sighed, visibly angry, making your girlfriend laughed.

"You know how they are." She commented.

"Yes unfortunately." Your mom took a moment to make sure you were okay before she spoke again. "And I also know that you don't really like crowded places. So do you want to come with me on the rooftop?" She proposed, and the brunette accepted.

They talked for a moment before your mom had to take a call, leaving the Sokovian alone with her thoughts and a beautiful view of the city. She decided to come back to the party when her phone rang. She examined the number, but it didn't remind her of anything. With a nervous feeling, she picked up.

"Hello?" She asked nervously, and she waited a moment until someone replied.

"Oh sorry, hello. Wanda Maximoff, right?" The woman replied.

"Yes… and you are?"

"My name's Maria Hill. I worked for the SHIELD; I heard about what happened to you, and it took me a long time to find you." The woman called Maria declared.

"And how do you know me?" 

"I…well we worked together in the past."

"Were you an Avengers?"

"No, but I worked with them too."

"Okay, and how can I help you?"

"To be honest, I'll help you."

"Sorry?"

"I learned what happened to you about your amnesia, and I can help you." Wanda didn't hear the end of her sentence when you walked on the rooftop. "Wanda, are you here?"

"Uh, I'll call you back." She said before hanging out.

"Hey babe, are you okay?" You asked a little concerned when you heard her rush to end the phone call.

"Yes, of course."

"Sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry." She kissed your forehead "so why are you here?"

"It's time for the cake." You announced.

"Already?" 

"Yeah, come on." You grabbed her hand and dragged her into the elevator. While you were joining the party, you didn't stop to be touchy with the Sokovian, some caresses, compliments, and a lot of kisses.

Back at home later that night, you were both tired and ready for bed. Wanda felt an anger growing deep in her mind after the call with this Maria, but she didn't know why. Fortunately for her, this feeling was quickly forgotten when she started to fall asleep on top of you.

---------

In an apartment not so far from your home, a strange group was finishing some details for their operation.

"Are you sure about that? I mean, she doesn't seem dangerous; maybe we can let her live her life for now." Kate proposed.

"She doesn't remember being the Scarlet Witch; if we wait more and her memories come back, her powers will too, and it'll be too late." Maria explained.

"Okay, she's finally back, but she's not alone." Doctor Strange said coming back from wherever he was.

"Don't worry, we planned that." The older brunette said.

"Great, but I have a question." The sorcerer said, and the agent nodded to let him know that she was listening. "Why do we have to bring those two?" He asked pointed Kate and Yelena. 

"Because the world still needs heroes, and after our losses, they were the only ones available." She explained.

"Not me. I'm here because Kate Bishop is still reckless." The Russian said.

"And who's the person with Wanda?" The archer asked.

The ancient agent tapped something on her iPad before she showed it to them. "Y/n Y/l/n. The daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Y/l/n. She's the future CEO of Y/l/n Corp." She introduced you.

Yelena examined your profile a moment before Strange spoke "Why don't we know her birthday?" He asked.

"She got adopted when she was little, but we don't really know anything about that or her biological parents." 

"That's because they're dead." The blonde said, gaining everyone's attention. "Y/n is from the red room; she never knew her parents; they both get mysteriously killed a few weeks after her birth. Dreykov sent an old widow to bring her to the red room." She explained.

"But what is she doing here?" Kate asked.

"When she was ten, she was sent on a mission with a group of older widows, but only two of them came back, and Y/n wasn't with them. She was the only person I could call my friend in this place. The widow told Dreykov that she was killed in the mission, but when I grew up, she revealed to me that she and the other widow found her a new place far from our nightmare. Dreykov decided to trust them because she wasn't one of the best."

There was a little silence; everybody was processing what the blonde said.

"Wow." Kate finally broke the atmosphere: "But wait, you didn't try to find her when you learned that she wasn't dead?"

"I tried, but the widows who helped her disappear were pretty good at erasing all their traces."

"Sorry to break this moment, but we need to go now." Maria said, and the girls nodded before following her out of the apartment.

--------

Wanda was sleeping, peacefully dreaming about a future with you, when a voice appeared out of nowhere. 'Wake up. Wake up, they are here.' the voice repeated. At first, it was low, but with time, the voice became louder, and she finally woke up from her dream.

She took a moment to look around her and make sure you were still sleeping, then she heard voices from outside of the house. They were whispering something, but she couldn't understand what they said. She made her way to the front door and looked through the pipe hole. She saw three shapes moving and stopping in front of the door. Something told her that they were not alone, and she took some steps back. When she did, she felt like someone was observing her from the roof.

Marcus sensed Wanda starting to be stressed and barked to gain her attention; at that, the women on the other side of the door stopped themselves. When the dog barked again, the Sokovian quickly tried to silence him.

"Hey little boy, stop. You don't want to wake up, mama, do you?" She asked, and being the good boy he was, Marcus stopped, but at this moment the previous anger that had been growing before she slept came back. The ginger head stood up in front of the door, and she didn't know how or why, she moved her hand, and a red aura started to form around the doorknob before the door opened alone.

Maria didn't have the time to process what happened before she got thrown away by a red fireball. The two other women looked at the scene, obviously surprised, before the widow got caught by Wanda's magic and got attracted to her.

"Who are you, and what do you want?" She asked Yelena after she pinned her against the nearest wall.

"Hey Wanda, let her go!" Kate tried to act firm, but the witch just chuckled.

"And who are you supposed to be?" She wanted to attack her, but her movement was restrained by some good magic ropes.

"Listen to me, Wanda; we're not here to harm you. We're just here to help you and bring you somewhere where some qualified people can help you." Strange said, appearing from the roof.

"You! I recognize you; you're—" She hadn't finished her sentence before you appeared from your bedroom with a gun pointed at the sorcerer.

"Get out of my house!" You yelled, and everybody looked at you.

"Y/n?" You looked at the one who called you; she seemed familiar, but you couldn't remember her name. "It's me; it's Yelena." She declared. You lowered your gun, clearly shocked.

"Yelena? But what are you doing here?" You asked.

"It's a funny story, but before that, I need you to tell her to let me go, please."

You made your way to Wanda with your gun still pointed at Strange. "Hey Wands, honey, you can let her go; she'd not hurt you, I promise." You said.

"I know, but I can't. I can't control this—" she suddenly felt on the ground with her hands around her head, screaming from pain.

You kneeled down beside her and tried to pull her into your arms, but a little scarlet barrier appeared around her body. All her memories, from Hydra to the incident at Kamar Taj, came back to her. She felt visibly tired on the ground.

While she was unconscious, you talked with the group, and they told you why they were here. They received orders to bring her to DC, where she would be put somewhere to make sure nothing like Kamar Taj happened again.

"I can't let you do that." You protested.

"Y/n, listen to me—" Maria tried to say but you cut her off.

"No, you'll listen to me. I found her last year when she was alone, she lost her memories and her hopes. I spent a lot of time trying to break her walls, I spent a lot of nights awake because she couldn't sleep. I was there for her when she needed someone. I falled for her okay, and you want me to give up everything because you want to imprison her again?" You scoffed "sorry but I think you need to leave." You stood up and walked to the front door to open it.

They all left, but not before Yelena gave you a last hug.

A few days later, Wanda didn't wake up from this night. It's started to worry you. This day, you just came back from work like always, and you made your way to the bedroom when you saw her, on her feet but with a strange outfit.

"Wanda?" Hearing her name, your girlfriend turned her attention to you, and before she could say anything, you were catching her between your arms. This feeling was very peaceful, but she pushed you away. "Babe?"

"I remember everything." She said, and you smiled.

"That's great, my love."

"No, it's not great." You frowned your eyebrows "I'm a monster, Y/n. I killed those people. I killed everyone." She said and started crying. You took some steps toward her and wrapped your arms around her waist.

"My love, look at me." You said firmly, but still carefully. It took a few seconds, but she did. "Tell me what happened."

After a few hours, Wand finished telling you everything about her and her past.

"Listen, you know who I am. I was straight with you even before we started dating. I also did a lot of things I'm not proud of, but look, things have changed since. I have a family, a great dog," you kissed her tenderly, "and a marvelous girlfriend. I don't care about your past; I wasn't there when all those things happened. But I'm here now, and trust me when I say that I'll still love you and be here for you." You gave her another kiss. "I love everything about you, Wanda Maximoff, even the flaws."

Now she was crying in your arms. She didn't notice, but she gained control over her powers, and her clothes changed to her usual ones.

"What did I do to deserve someone like you?" She asked through her sobs. "I love you."

"I know my love."

[jedifighterpilot2727]

Hi, talented author! Could you write a OS of Lexi having a nightmare and crawling into bed with her mamas for the first time and of course Lena and Kara end up a mess after consoling their daughter? Because I totally head-canon them as being the crying for every milestone moms. I love your work. Lexi has become an obsession, really. They are going to be the cutest family.

Okay, it's officially been too long since I've written toddler! Lexi because I had to go back through old fics to remember Lena's pet name for Lexi (oops). I'm going back through my prompts for inspiration so if you see something you sent me a long time ago, I'm sorry for the wait! (But better late than never?) Hope y'all enjoy! Forgot how much I love writing this family!

Nightbears

It's an odd sixth sense that one develops when you've been the victim of too many assassination attempts. A sort of constant awareness, (well, fear, really), that's always on alert, even when Lena is asleep. Amazing what having a homicidal brother could do for your reflexes.

At one time, Lena would have called it a useful talent, because it had indeed saved her life on several occasions. Now, however - with Lex in jail and her security systems being top of the line; and you know, sleeping next to an actual super hero - now it was mostly annoying.

There were a lot of false alarms - like when she thought the chef at Kara's favorite hibachi place was trying to poison her but it turned out the "special ingredient" was just hoisin sauce.

Or it could be helpful but misleading; like when she thought the person hiding in the bushes to take pictures of her was a contract killer but it turns out they were just trying to get footage of Lena and Kara making out for a tabloid.

One such consequence was that she could just feel when someone was watching her.

It was unsettling really.

And mostly unnecessary.

She usually ignored the feeling to be honest.

But sometimes, sometimes the feeling was just too creepy to pass off.

Like when it woke her up from a dead sleep in the middle of the night in her and Kara's penthouse National City apartment.

She kept her eyes closed at first, using the guise of sleeping to take in the sounds around her - Kara's soft snoring, the air conditioner, the soft sloshing of waves from the sound machine in Lexi's room -

"Mama."

Compared to the other sounds, the harsh whisper in her ear is loud and grating; and the breath on her face sets every one of Lena's internal emergency alert detectors off.

Her heart immediately starts racing and her eyes fly open to find blue eyes inches away and a tiny nose almost brushing her own.

"Holy shiitake mushrooms and fudge crackers!"

Somewhere amidst the warning bells going off, the back of her mind is pleased with her language censorship, and she makes a note to gloat to Kara - if she survives whatever sort of attack this is.

Lena jerks backwards, one hand slapping at the covers to wake Kara, and the other reaching for the bedside lamp switch and her glasses.

She feels Kara stirring behind her as she fumbles the glasses onto her face, almost taking an eye out in the process.

"Mama."

The voice is less startling this time, and Lena's heart slows with recognition as she blinks into the lamplight.

"Lexi?"

"Mama, I had a bad dream."

Lexi's dark hair is tousled straight up in a cowlick, and her glasses are askew on her troubled face, hands gripping tightly at her stuffed dog.

"Wha's goin' on?" Kara's voice rumbles behind Lena.

"You had a bad dream?" Lena asks.

Lexi nods as Kara speaks up again.

"Who had a bad dream?"

"Lexi had a bad dream." Lena blinks slowly, the excitement of the moment quickly fading into sleepiness.

"Lexi?" Kara repeats.

"Mommy, there was bears chasing us."

"This is what happens when you let her watch nature documentaries before bed." Kara grumbles into Lena's shoulder.

"Mama, can I sleep with you?"

"Mmm, of course; come on up, Chickadee.

Lena's eyes open just enough to reach out a hand and tug the little girl towards her. She tries to help leverage Lexi onto the bed; but despite her training with Alex, her upper body strength leaves something to be desired. That is, until Kara reaches over and grabs the back of Lexi's shirt, hauling her onto the bed between them .

Lena sets her glasses on the bedside table and turns off the light, and by the time she rolls over to face her girls, both of them are breathing deep with sleep.

Carefully, she pulls the quilt up around the three of them before settling in herself, quickly returning to her own dreamworld - thankfully one sans bears.

- - - - - - - - -

The first thing Lena notices as she wakes is that she's freezing - which is saying something considering her wife is usually a person sized space heater.

The second is the dull ache in her ribs.

She slowly props herself up on her elbows, blinking as she takes in the scene around her.

The quilt and top sheet have been kicked mostly off the bed, and the pain in her ribs is quickly determined to be due to the red socked foot jabbing into her side.

Lexi is splayed out diagonally across the middle of the king sized bed; her feet relegating Lena to a small sliver of the mattress. The hand that isn't clutching Krypto the stuffed dog is pressed against Kara's face, pinky almost in her mouth and index finger dangerously close to picking her nose.

Lena can't help but laugh at the sight. It was definitely a frightful middle of the night wake up, but she would suffer through a thousand of those jump scares to be able to wake up like this.

Once again, she pulls the quilt up to tuck them all in, barely getting settled before Lexi's foot finds its way back to her ribcage.

Despite her awkward positioning, she'll take a terrified toddler over a heavily armed hit man any day - although maybe Kara's right and she should lay off the late night nature docs; or at least the ones with bears.

[phrandallanton]

Random Dump Of 2 Dreams

Recently my dreams have been feeling weirder then usual. I can't explain it, but it's like as I'm deaming it's suppose to be meaningful but it's not.

One night ago I experienced somewhat of sleep paralysis and multiple false awakings. I forgot what was going on but I didn't like it and I was trying to wake myself up, like I usually do when I don't like what I'm dreaming about lol. My body was stuck, I couldn't open my eyes, I was trying to hard to move. It felt like I died but instead of going anywhere my spirit was just floating around the earth's atmosphere. Sounds cooler then what it sounds, it was really uncomfortable. I then tried to just lucid dream but anytime I do that it just turns dark and this time was no different. The closest I got to it in the moment was me trying to hang out with Nyon (cause that would be cool) but he instead started to dry hump me against a kitchen counter. I then gave up afterwards.(That was not cool but progress is progress!) Opening my eyes felt like pushing two of the heaviest pieces of metal apart from eachother, my body was no different. I tried to stretch and it was just so fricking heavy.

Later on I fell asleep and kept having lots of false awakings, the waking up part would always be me back in my bed with my heavy body. Then I'd move and something would happen that would obviously would not happend in real life, don't remember any of it except for one part about my dog dying and some how it being my fault. Made me sad, very happy to for real wake up and see her wagging her tail saying good morning to me. I'm pretty sure all this happend because my sleep schedule is more out of wack then usual.

Last night was odd too but one part stood out the most. It took place in a mall and doing something with my whole family. I was in this soap shop or something and this guy was pushing me to go as the place was crowded. I was trying to get out but I didn't like how he was pushing me so I went to throw a cup of water I had at him but ended up tripping yet still throwing the cup of water on him, so it looked like an accident. I felt bad but not enough to admit I was meaning to throw the water on him on purpose, so I apologize for totally not purposely throwing my water at him. He was chill about it and I took him to get napkins, we started talking and he wanted to walk around the mall with me more. I said yes heheheueheue and on we went. I saw my mom and grandma and waved at them, told the guy who they were then looked at them, pointing at the guy, showing them that I was socializing. They seemed content with it.

The guy and I went to this old fashion themed restaurant in the mall because I pointed at how it has a mannequin with a roaring 20s type outfit. We then got seated by this loud group of mafia like guys, I really wanted to ask if we could sit somewhere away from them but it was whatever. This is were it gets weird, recently (in the real world) I've been playing VRchat. It's something I play every so often for a period of time when I don't have any motivation for anything lol. I'd probably would play it more if I wasn't on PC. Always back to the dream, the dream imedently switched to as if I was playing VRC and the guy turned into a Bedman (guilty gear) avatar. I was like "oh cool! I love Guilty Gear, I can tell him that I like it and we can bond over it!" But I clicked on his profile and for some odd reason it was like those MMOs were the person has their own house or what not. So I accidently clicked that, panicked then went to join back to where he was, joined a different game he made and then woke up. As I woke up my brain took it as we "disconnected" so my first thought was "no! We disconnected! Now he'll never know how much I love guilty gear and we won't be friends!" Still sad over it. Might draw how it looked to be having dinner with Bedman.

[the-acid-pear]

My dreams tonight can be split into two categories and I find that interesting.

The first half had me back in school, again. My time off was acknowledged and so this was me returning. I don't remember exactly what we were doing but I remember talking to a friend outside the classroom and seeing she had 2 pupils. It was strange but I didn't want to mention it. Though it's worth saying at one point I was "looking thru her eyes" and it did show her vision had a black stain covering almost half of it. It's also strange tho because this friend had pitch black eyes so idk how I was able to see the pupil or whatever.

At some point we left school and we were walking down a park and we saw this huge fucking dog sitting down that out to be an inflatable palace, so I jokingly told my friends I wanted to go sooo bad 🥺

Walking down the same street I ran into my little brother, he was with someone else and he was throwing a tantrum. I don't remember what he was crying about, but when I got close (and he explained me why) I told them both there was a really cool dog down the streets and that excited him enough to stop crying.

Then I woke up, because I was freezing, so I covered myself up and went back to sleep.

The second half had me at school, again. This time I was in a class, and while the first sequence had a friend from secondary school this time there mostly were ones from primary. We also had a teacher, though I'm sure she was my informatics one from secondary. She had given us a paper test of sorts (it was all very lax, she was just joking and giving us games) where there were two words and in the middle you had to write the... Combination? Or the middle ground between them?? In typical school fashion it wasn't clear at fucking all. I did get Somewhere until a word that was like giller or jiller showed up and I started sweating bullets bc i was like I never saw that word before but I was too shy to ask bc they'd joked about me not being able to finish this so I was acting prideful and shit.

My thinking was interrupted when a phone started ringing. At first I tried to ignore it but after not one but two people pointed it out I finally picked it up and like I always do I turned the speaker on and went "what do you want?"(<- I'm not usually this aggressive but I was being interrupted in class). The number was unknown btw but my smartphone didn't call it a scam.

On the other side my mother started screaming which caused me to flinch and turn the speaker off as the classmates before surrounding me stepped away. "I'm in class, what do you want?" I turned away slightly again to avoid the screams so I don't know it she actually had a motive to be like this. It wasn't long til I got pissed and just ended the call

I believe at this point I tried to stand up making a joke like "now you see why I don't like my mother" but when I did so I realized my legs, which were covered by a pair of jeans I don't know nor look like the one I used to own and lost (for these ones had a sort of patched look on one of the legs, like fabric was attached from below in a big square over my thigh), was covered in red stains, so my first thought was oh my god I got my period and nobody told me I was stained! I remember putting my legs together and the "camera" focusing on the fact I was wearing red leather strap boots. (Think of the Sims 4 pirate boots)

Odd thing is, however, my "period theory" just made no sense. Because the blood was nowhere near my inner thigh, more around the lower and bottom sides, and they weren't even restricted to the inner side but rather the middle and exterior sides too. And the red was more like... Not even wine stain red; it looked like a food stain (wine, juice) but it had a really light red color.

No one was moved by this or anything and afraid of being left ignored I acted like this was nothing too and walked over to where my closest primary school friend and my bully were sitting, chatting and cooking. Worth mentioning despite being my bully she was kinda chill sometimes and specially now.

They were discussing how to make pea patty, my friend saying you just had to mash em while my bully insisted it needed more ingredients like butter. I tried to insert myself in the convo but it went unnoticed. Also my plate of... Eggs? Eggs and bread?? Got stepped on slightly, I didn't say anything.

Nothing much of relevancy happened again after this though it's worth pointing out that my friend was getting peas from what looked like a zucchini where when peeling down the skin it was revealed it was full of little PEELED peas all together forming the shape of the zucchini. Mental.

[buttsoclock]

Everyone is so mad at Neil Gaiman for the end of Good Omens season 2 (which I think is silly), but I have a much more personal issue to take up with him.

It started with Coraline, and that was bad enough (and by bad I mean specifically for my unique individual psychology--on the whole it's a wonderful story). See, I have two phobias: Spiders and needles. I also just have a thing about eyes.

So a story where this Other Mother wants to sew buttons into the eyes of the main character and then eventually turns into this spidery creature? Really kind of felt like Mr. Gaiman woke up one day and went, "There's one specific bitch out there who will be very upset by this specific combination of factors and I'm here to fuck her shit up."

(Did I still both read the book and watch the whole movie, with a blanket to hide behind even though I was probably 21 at the time? Of course I did, I make wonderful life choices, shhh.)

So yeah, a part of me already felt like Neil Gaiman was out to get me personally after that.

But it got so much worse. And to explain how, I need to explain why I'm arachnophobic. When I was 3, I had this dream that I was...somewhere, I don't remember where, and saw a spider. So I stepped on it and squished it.

Then I saw a couple more spiders, so I stepped on them and squished them.

Then I saw a bunch more. I wanted to get away from them, but there were a ton of them in every direction now. I turned toward the door to get the hell out of there, but saw that spiders were pouring in through the gap under the door.

I looked around then and noticed them coming from EVERYWHERE now--from cracks in the walls, between floorboards, etc. Pretty soon the spiders covered every surface--the floor, ceiling, and walls were visibly rippling from the movement of so many spiders.

And then they started to crawl up my legs and all over my body. I could feel them on my skin and in my clothes. They crawled over my eyes until I couldn't see. When I started to scream, they crawled in my mouth and down my throat. I remember waking up feeling like I was choking on something.

Let me reiterate, I was three years old when I had that dream. It's one of the first three memories I have of my life (it goes, the death of my dad's mom, getting my first dog, and that).

And then I continued to have that dream on a recurring basis, anywhere from once every couple months to sometimes as much as three times a night, for the next TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.

The waking up part was almost worse. Even once I was awake--really awake, enough to fully realize I wasn't dreaming anymore--I always imagined I could still feel something moving in the back of my throat and felt I would choke on it.

I can't tell you how much those dreams messed with me.

The dreams finally stopped in my late 20s. For a long time it made me anxious that they had stopped--like I was due for them to start up again any time now and maybe they'd be worse because of their absence. But I reached my 30s having not had that dream in two or three years.

Then in 2020 I picked up Anansi Boys for the first time, and imagine my fucking delight (and by delight I mean absolute horror) when I read a scene in which the main character's dream ends like this:

I started having that dream in probably 1993. Anansi Boys was published in 2005. I didn't read it for the first time until 2020, after being free of those dreams for at least three whole years, for the first time since I was barely old enough to form memories. I can't tell you what a trip it was to see that in a book by my favorite author.

It didn't go into a ton of detail about the dream or what the character felt. It didn't have to. As soon as I read it I felt that familiar feeling I used to have when I woke up from those dreams--like I was choking on something small with too many legs.

Let me tell you, I have slammed many a book down onto the table or bed, yelled, cursed, cried at them, but never have I actually thrown a book--except for this one. That felt personal.

So I would just like to thank @neil-gaiman for somehow, despite not knowing I exist, creating stories specifically designed to torment me individually. Super cool.

(I still finished the book. I still enjoyed the book. And in a weird way I loved the book that much more for it. I'm gonna be mad about it forever though.)

[dailymentalpurge]

The banshee

Another shitty .99 cent coffee was spewing into Nella’s styrofoam cup, bits of the ground coffee floating at the top. Taking a sip and promptly burning her tongue, she wandered around the cafe a bit before heading back to her destination. The hospital has become more and more apparent in her life the more seconds she spends there. Nella stops at the elevator and bitterly thinks ‘I think I know this place better than my own home.’ 

Stepping out of the rusted tin can that probably hasn’t been expected in years, she says her greeting to the nightshift nurses and the on-call doctors. People she has become to know on a first name basis, their personal lives, even the names of their children and spouses. Nella finally came to her stop, room 91C. The room that she will remember for the rest of her life;the room that she sees in her dreams; the room that will take the last piece of her.

He lays in that bed with white sheets, with monitors radiating throughout his entire body. He was so skinny; so pale; all bones. This was not what Nella had pictured her life ending up. Most people fall in love, get married, have children, and maybe a dog or two. Not watching the most important person in your life have monitors breathe for him because someone had to drink and drive. 

She knew it was coming, though. She saw Her. she saw her everyday.

Nella avoided windows. She avoided looking around outside when she did leave the hospital, which was rare. The woman was always there, standing off somewhere she knew Nella could see her. The woman always wore  a sheer black sheet over her head and a long gray dress that seemed to have been dragged through mud. Nella could never see her face but she knew what she wanted: Death

Sitting down in the recliner next to the hospital bed, she opened her mouth and spoke. “Good morning, darling. I have another coffee, which I’m sure you’d yell at me for drinking. There’s a new cafe that opened up down the block from the apartment. When you get out of here, maybe we’ll check it out?” Nella rambled all the time to her lover that couldn’t respond back. Eventually she nodded off and shut her mind off for a couple hours.

When she woke, it was raining and dark. Nella could hear the pelting of the rain on the hospital window, banging and aggressive. She stood up and stretched and did the one thing she knew not to do. Nella looked outside. There she was, the woman in grey, but this time she was closer than ever. Just beyond the rain, the was there, with her sheet lifted; only showing her mouth. Nella was fed up. She had decided to confront her.

Nella walked with the adrenaline pumping through her body out of 91C and down the hallway. She only made it halfway to the tin can before she heard it. The beeping, the code blue. Her stomach dropped and she begged to whatever God was listening that it wasn’t HIM. Not him, not his room. She saw a wave of the nightshift nurses panic and rush into the room; his room. No, No, not him. Please, anyone but him. She wasn’t ready for this. She wasn’t prepared to lose him. Nella ran to his room and was held back by the charge nurse, Amanda. “Sweetie, you need to let us work. He’s flatlining.” 

Nella couldn’t hear anymore. Words sounding like she was stuck in a fishbowl and her vision was getting blurry. God, no. Please, I can’t lose him. Nella’s heart was ripping out of her chest with every compression they did on him. One, two, three. Breathe. One, two, three. Breathe. The pain in her throat was spreading through her entire body. She was losing him. Nella looked up and there she was. The woman dragged through the mud. “No! No, you go away! You can’t have him! He’s not yours, he’s MINE!” The pain in her throat was intense and building. The woman dragged through the mud was here, in the hospital, directly infront of Nella. Her mouth was open but nothing came out. “PLEASE! Leave! He’s not coming with you.” Nella begged and cried. The tears streaming down her face and she was grasping her throat. The pain was ripping her throat apart and she was about to crack. Nella faintly hears the nurses yelling for the doctor and everything becomes too much. She open her eyes and the woman dragged through the mud is gone. Through her tears, she looks down and her heart stops. Nella was wearing a long gray dress with mud staining the bottom of her dress. Looking out at the room 91C, Nella opens her mouth and relives the pain by screaming.

[girltomboy]

So ever since I came to my parents' house I've been having these weird and highly specific dreams. The first night I had a dream that I was with my boyfriend and a bunch of my middle school classmates on a bus on our way to a music festival. My boyfriend was not sitting next to me, and I was a bit mad at him because he had bought full pass vip festival tickets despite the festival lineup being total dogshit. I was bantering with my ex classmates and they were laughing along, so I guess there wasn't that much tension. At some point the bus stopped or broke down, and one of the benefits of the full vip tickets that my bf had purchased was that if the bus broke down on the way to the festival, everyone on the bus would get free tickets for the bus ride. So my bf took matters in his own hands and spoke to the driver who accepted and agreed that everyone did not need to pay the bus fare. I remember one of my ex classmates started crying but not out of serious sorrow or heavy emotion, idk how to explain it. I started mocking her and said "no one: - Andra: starts crying" and a few other classmates laughed. Idk why I said that and she did not seem upset or anything, but it's not something I'd say irl lol. Somehow we made it to the festival field, and it was literally the size and shape of my grandma's garden. Like an empty orchard, and it was dark and no one was there. Then out of nowhere a whole pack of huge black dogs appeared from behind the hills, and started chasing our group. There was nobody around so we started screaming and running away terrified as fast as we could, and looking back at the dogs getting closer and closer to us. And then I think my mom woke me up or I heard a noise and woke up, but the dream didn't continue.

The second night I dreamed that one of my friends had a car and drove me around. I think I was also hugging him in the dream, but it was purely platonic. He took me to this building that was like members-only, or something like that, and then went to find a parking spot for his car. He was gone a pretty long time, long enough for me to be able to explore the place. I think we were not wanted there because people knew we were not part of the club, but they couldn't really say shit to us. I remember a morose man keeping his eye on me, but I wasn't afraid of him. I started to get hungry and thirsty and I stole some snacks and a big bottle of coca cola, then my friend came and we left (?? He went to park his car, came back, and then we left lmaooo). I think it was my boyfriend that came back actually, and I told him the story. But I'm not really sure. After this I ended up with this girl from college who I didn't really like personality-wise but she's the kind who tries really hard to seem interesting and deep, so in my dream I was telling her the story of where we had been, and she seemed fascinated by that place. Then she was telling me the story of a girl who went to look for almond oil, and her name was Andreea Almond, and I started laughing really dramatically and like somehow made my face split with laughter, then got it back to normal. She looked at me bewildered and then laughed. There were a bunch of other people with us, we were hanging out somewhere behind/between some buildings. At some point, just to be funny, we all said "let's all be silent and just walk around in circles so people will be freaked out" and we thought it was a funny idea. We started doing that, just walking slowly and nonchalantly in circles without saying anything, and people who walked by looked at us like we were insane, and then we would all erupt into laughter.

On the third night I had a brief dream about my manager. She was wearing a wedding dress and looked really gorgeous, but we were supposed to be on like a team building trip or something. It was like we were at my late grandma's house, then at a lake. Idk, the setting of the dream changed a lot, but we had to kill someone and then leave, that was our team building mission.

Last night I dreamt that I had left my apartment wearing 1 sneaker and 1 flip flop, and I was desperately trying my hardest to not make it noticeable. At some point I realized my sneaker had ripped at the tip and it looked similar to my flip flop, but it just looked much worse than before. I was walking down this nightlife street when suddenly 2 guys with a microphone came up behind me and asked me: "Are you going to *name of my hometown*?" I was like "what?" And they repeated the question, to which I replied "no way!" But idk why I said that lol. And they laughed and pushed me forward towards a big table in the middle of the street (the street now looked like the main street in the beach village) where there were some other people sitting. There was food on the table, and I remembered about my strange footwear. I looked at the two guys and asked them: "since I gave a good answer, will you guys give me your sneakers?" They were like "lol what no" so I turned to the table and said: "then I'm going to steal something from your table" so I took a bite out of a loaf of bread that was sitting there. They shouted at me but I jumped out of my seat and started running away towards my home. They started chasing me, but I was super fast, like jumping around parkouring on the streets and flying around corners, Subway Surfers style. So I was much faster than them and I couldn't even see them behind me anymore. At some point I was starting to get near my apartment building, when I passed this sort of sidewalk tunnel. But it was like an abandoned little house. And I heard vomiting noises from inside of it, and saw a bloody syringe sitting outside of it, with red insects crawling all over it. I snapped a photo of the syringe and saw a pool of blood nearby, meanwhile the vomiting noises persisted. I sprinted back home and saw a little boy selling plums by the kilogram in front of my building, I thought "you know the times have gone to shit when kids have to sell fruit outside an apartment building".

[lilyandtheleaf]

Today I literally had the best dream ever:

The started when I had went to bed in real life, but in the dream I didn’t and just decided to go downstairs, when the TV went on and talked about a Mario virus that was hard to get but if you did and got cured you got a ability, and then it said to report all people with these abilities to the FBI because they were dangerous and then the FBI came for me, I then (still in the dream) woke up in this prison like place and I had this really annoying ability to float, I couldn’t stop floating I could only control how much I float and I wasn’t good at that. So I immediately try to escape but kept getting caught because when I tried to run as soon as I got off the ground I was start floating, when I would try and sneak out I would start floating behind cover, then I figured that I could just launch myself off stuff which I tried but I would always end up in a long hallway with nothing to launch off of, then during one of these attempts I found a group of people trying to escape, there were like 5 but I only remember 3 of there abilities, 1 could turn themself to metal, and 1 could become imperceivable (not invisible, they would still be completely opaque, but people would never notice them), and 1 could see what is ahead no matter what is in the way like a camera. We tried to escape together but I kept floating so they had to carry me around like a balloon, til 1 of them accidentally left me and I got caught again, then while in the detention room they burst through the door and get me, but they get coner’d in a gym room, will 3 windows, all of which were really high, I get away and tell them I’ll come back for them. Now the problem was that I was under the prison’s upper floors and had to get out, but since it was a open space there was nothing to propel myself off of luckily I was heavy enough to run, when I did I of course started floated when I was off of the ground, and I had to wait to get to the ceiling to propel myself to freedom, I manage to get away to the front where luckily I’m not extremely light and can run, which I do and bump into this old guy who gets mad and tried to kill me I run away into a house which he enters with another guy trying to stop him, I get coner’d in a room (again) but this time was 1 window that is too small, so I look back and I see one of the wardens, and it turns out he had an ability also, which would cause people to act like animals, but what animals they acted like depended on the last animal theme object they had last touched, he of course runs away, and then I start floating again and use objects in the room to exit, where I see the old guy acting like a goat, I go into the next room which is a big room, and the guy trying to stop the old man was covered in a tiger print blanket, and is of course acting like a tiger and is trying to kill me but since the room is big and I’m in the middle there’s nothing to launch off of and the tiger guy is getting closer, I then focus and am ability to kinda get near the ground and then frantically made up a type of run that would let me go fast but would keep 1 of my feet fully on the ground (yes that is walking, but it looked like a Scooby Doo run cycle), I use this to escape where I see of the people from the group that was trying to escape, then for some reason I go to the beach where there is another warden who is a cute dog boy, but his ability would create a porcelain mask on people who he could then control, and they of course moved like puppets, he uses this ability to control the person I was in the escape group with even though I could have probably beaten him, my shitty floating ability made it hard to stay literally grounded, but what I did to defeat him was when close to the group use my feet to launch myself somewhere which I did to reach a toy bow and arrow, and then a sharp stick which he didn’t see me do because he just sent my former friend to kill me while he just fought a few gods (idk either) I was then ability to get close enough to shoot him in the head which frees my friend the dream ends with credits that end with “Wake Up”

[fanfic-g1-2022]

My first diary

Manuela Zanni and André Pimentel

What if Bluebells, Jessie and Napoleon never had been in the Animal Farm? 

Jessie and Bluebells were two dogs who used to live happily in their house, in the south of the United States. Your owner, Mrs Beth loved them very much, and gave them everything they wanted: a good place to live, good food, kindness, but not the only thing they most wanted: freedom. Dissatisfied, the dogs ran away to live by themselves, with no humans to bother them, when they ended up meeting two pigs: Napoleon and Snowball, that were in the same situation as them. Together they end up in the night without a place to sleep, and get in a play in a theater, where they stay wonderstruck with all that beautiful performance. Then they realize something, that would change their lives forever. 

DAY 7/08/1916

Hi diary, my name is Bluebells and I am a dog, but not a normal dog, as you can see I can write and read, but this is not the main point. I just arrive in a farm, and to be honest I don’t know what I’m doing here, I was supposed to be an actor, I was on my way to this…But it was not always like this, let me contextualize this story for you 

Many years ago I used to live in a simple house in the South of the United States. With me I had Jessie, who is also a dog and it’s with me since then. We had an owner: Mrs Beth. I would be unfair if I said that she didn't treat us well, of course she did. We had food anytime we wanted, a good place to sleep, pampering all the time, and anyone who saw this would envy my life. But there was one thing, and the most important one, missing. Me and my friend Jessie didn't have freedom. When we left it was always on a leash, which makes it very difficult to breathe, I got to say.

So, in conclusion, we decided to run away. It was difficult to keep in this life, it was not what I wanted, so we escaped. I don’t know how Mrs Beth is now, it has been 6 months since we ran away, but she is probably now with other dogs and cats to pamper and play with her, as we were used to. 

When we were running out of the house and the wind was hitting my face I felt what I wanted to feel a long time ago. I can’t explain, but it was freedom, and the world was opening for me. At the time I wasn’t sure if that was the best decision for me, but now I know the answer for that.

After some time walking without any direction or idea where to go, I thought that the best thing to do at that moment was to stop and go to sleep somewhere. It had been a long and tough day for both of us, emotionally and physically. We decided to sleep in a park near there, because sleeping in the grass is way better than in the middle of the street.

The next day, I woke up with something smelling and sniffing in my face, which really scared me. I opened my eyes confused and when I woke up I came across two big and ugly pigs. How on Earth would I imagine that two pigs would be walking around a big city, that I don’t even know the name of, and smelling other animals' faces? At the exact moment I thought what was going on, I yelled to Jessie, who woke up even more scared than me. After 2 minutes of just us staring at those two pigs we created courage to ask: “Who are you?” Then they said they were walking around and thought we were dead, so they went to check on us. After he said that I realized that they seemed like good pigs, and were harmless. I introduced myself and Jessie, and said we were aimless and that we were in search of a good life. ( Actually I didn’t know what this good life was, but I knew that if I found it I would recognise it ).

The pigs, whose names were Napoleon and Snowball, introduced themselves and said that they were in the same  situation as us, which made me feel better, I got to say. We weren’t alone in this adventure. One thing that really impacted me and made me remember until nowadays is that their dream was to be a big leader, Napoleon and Snowball. I don’t know if together, but this was what both wanted.

Well, let’s go a little ahead, or I will never finish writing, and my paws are already hurting but let’s go. - After some time of the 4 of us talking we decided to stay together, so we could support ourselves in this dangerous world. But one important topic, we were starving, and neither of us had what to eat. But Napoleon was a little naughty and had the idea to steal. Steal from an old lady who was eating a hamburger. Of course I stayed with a little pity, but first: Hamburgers are my favorite food ( Mrs Beth used to give the rest of yours to us ), and second, we were so hungry that we could eat anything we saw. To distract the lady, Snowball pretended he was hurt, and started to cry in front of her. She saw it and put her hamburger on a bench to help the “poor pig”. Then, Napoleon got the food, Snowball got up from his acting and we ran away. Since then, I saw that they were very smart, and a little rascal when they wanted to.

Passing up 3 days of just sleeping in parks and feeding with this kind of stealing, I was over. I kept overthinking if it was a good idea to escape from Mrs Beth house, but Jessie used to convince me all the time that it was not a mistake. We were on our own starting to be a group, us 4, and it was very fun to be wandering around the city with them, they were really very funny. But there was one day that would change my life forever. It was raining cats and dogs, and we needed to find a place to stay at night. A place was opening and there was no security around so we got in. The place looked very fancy, with a good illumination and great pillars. We were kind of afraid of what could possibly happen, but we started hearing music and conversations, and the way Napoleon was curious, he decided to go in, and we followed him. 

After entering, my eyes started shining a lot. I had never seen such a beautiful thing in my entire life. I asked Jessie, who had more knowledge than me about human life, and she said it was a theater, where there were actors, music and a lot of expression. I stayed amazed, and wanted to stay until the end of the performance. The scenes, the interpretations, all the music, everything. I think I finally had found that feeling that I was looking for: the feeling of happiness with contemplation and freedom. That gave me a huge freedom. I told myself that I would be in that stage one day, even if for once. My friends, seeing that the storm was over, wanted to get out, but I just couldn’t. It was even a little strange what I was feeling, but it gave me a comfort that I didn't have a long time ago. 

So, before we left, I went to the director's office and knocked on the door. He didn’t seem very interested in what I was saying, but I wanted to know if I could participate in one of his performances. He asked me if I was already an actor, and I said no. This made me give up, but seconds before he closed the door I asked if I trained a lot, I could do a test on him in one week, to see if I had potential. He agreed, but probably just because he knew I wouldn't give up that easily.

This whole week I went to see theater performances, but just me. And on by on I was staying better at interpreting characters, even imitating Jessie’s personality, which made her very angry. 

After this week I went to do the test, and I did a great job.The director said that he was shocked how a pig could act that way as I was doing, and I said: “ neether I know, sir”. Then he said something that made my heart jump: I could participate in one presentation in 3 days, it was simple and small, but a good chance to make me grow. That made me really happy, and after I knew about this I ran to tell Jessie, Napoleon and Snowball. But when I got to the park where we were staying, I was in shock: Napoleon got into a fight with a lot of dogs in the region, who were looking for him, and that we needed to get out of there immediately. I wasn’t getting exactly what was going to happen, but I said I couldn’t go because I had been accepted to perform and this could maybe in the future be something bigger, but they didn't care. They say that they were leaving, with or without me. 

I think this was the saddest day of my life. Finally I had found my “freedom”, but I couldn’t stay alone in that city, I needed my friends, so I decided to leave with them. We had no direction, and I was feeling more lonely and lost than ever, when efter 2 days walking we got to a farm. With other animals, we decided to go in. Here is where I am now: Animal Farm. But there is one thing that I forgot to mention: here we cannot escape. After coming in, a man called Mr Jones “arrested us”, and now we are part of this Animal Farm. The only thing that we were looking for we lost, and got back to the same point, but worse. 

Sorry… I needed to blurt out this with someone, and I know that you, diary, are not gonna tell anyone I suppose. Napoleon and Snowball became the leader of all the animals, and they seem to like it here. And Jessie is like me, but at least we had each other. I’ll keep writing here, I like it. Well, now I have to sleep, tomorrow is a long day again, bye bye.

[alloftheimagines]

bucky barnes | nightmare

masterlist | submit a request

words: 1.9k

warnings: PTSD, Hydra!reader, nightmares, memories of non-consensual surgery and scars, blood, injury (broken nose), mentions of killing, reader accidentally hurts Bucky when coming out of a nightmare.

request: Could I request a Bucky imagine where the reader was also a part of hydra and has nightmares about her past. Reader and Bucky are dating and he comforts her after the nightmare. Maybe she accidentally attacks him when he wanted her up and she feels super guilty after realizing that she kinda hurt him. And ofc a lot of angst and some fluff at the end.

Bucky knows not to wake you from a nightmare. He knows because when the roles are reversed, he’s found himself with his metal hand around your neck, your eyes round and full of fear. With your shared history of being brainwashed, tortured, and made to kill for Hydra, he’s the only person in the world who knows how to handle you when the past comes back to haunt you.

And yet he forgets in this moment. You’re writhing and screaming beside him—it’s only been weeks since he’s even allowed himself to sleep in your bed and not on the couch. You sound…shattered. Your vocal cords rip and tear with every scream. “No! Nonononono!”

His heart clenches with pain. Because he knows how awful it is when your mind takes you back to the horrors you’ve faced. How the next day, it feels like you’re back at square one and have to start the recovery process from scratch. And you don’t deserve that. You deserve so much better than that.

“Baby,” he whispers, turning onto his side. It only seems to make you worse. You begin to thrash, the duvet torn off you both and tangling around your legs.

“Please,” you sob. “Please, don’t. Please. I don’t want to. Not again. Not again.” Your chest heaves like the waves of a tempest and he can’t stand it a moment longer. You’ve had nightmares before, ones that have made your screams tear through the apartment, but this is different. You’re not screaming anymore. You’re shuddering as though you’re trapped somewhere cold and unreachable, and he has to take the pain away. He has to.

“Y/N,” he whispers, nudging your shoulder as gently as possible. “Wake up, sweetheart.”

But you don’t. You curl into yourself, your hand clutching your stomach, and he knows it’s not just a dream. It’s a memory. Your worst day. You barely talk about it, but he finds you tracing across the jagged scar sometimes as though remembering what they took from you. The surgeries they inflicted on you to make you a better assassin. To prevent anything that might slow you down.

“Please.” Your voice is only a rasp now, full of exhaustion. “Make it stop.”

And Bucky knows he has to.

He shakes your shoulder harder, and when you begin to kick at him, he can only think to straddle you so that you can see him, know you’re safe. Sometimes being weighed down helps you. You have a weighted blanket, and you always let your dog sit on your stomach. Even he’s scuttled off somewhere now, though.

“Wake up,” Bucky says through clenched teeth, trying to pin down your wrists. “Please wake up.”

He loosens his grip when your eyes snap open, and realises a second later the mistake he’s made. Your pupils are wide and your irises full of hollow shadows. You’re still not here, still somewhere else, still trapped in the past.

“Baby…”

Your clammy hands curl around his neck, and you swing him onto his back so that you’re the one on top of him. And then you claw. You claw, because all you see is the face of the surgeon you woke up to on that day you’re dreaming of. Hatred floods you, white-hot as scalding water.

“Y/N!” Bucky shouts, trying desperately to grab your arms. When he finds your wrist, you elbow him in the nose, causing blood to rush from his nostrils. “Baby, it’s me. It’s Buck. You’re here. You’re safe. It’s over now. Look at me.”

You're hysterical, screaming, breathless, until the blood covers your hands and his voice penetrates the bubble you’ve been trapped in. Buck. Bucky. The face beneath you, spattered in blood, belongs to the man you love, not the one you despise.

“Oh, god.” You stare down at your trembling, bloody palms and then your gaze flits to him again. He’s breathing heavily, but his eyes are soft, full of concern.

“Oh, god,” you say again, crawling off him. Your legs don’t work, and you end up on the floor, still hauling yourself back until your spine hits the skirting board.

“It’s okay. Sweetheart, it’s okay.”

You shake your head. It’s not okay. You could have killed him, and he would have let you. “No.” You choke on the sob, bringing your hands to your lips. “No.”

He sits up slowly, his metal arm glinting in the moonlight and his dog tags clinking together on his bare chest. “It’s okay,” he repeats, slowly climbing off the bed. He walks slowly towards you and, when you don’t cower, crouches in front of you. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”

“I’m sorry.” You want to reach out, wipe the blood away, but your muscles are frozen and your hands fisted at your side. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know where I was. I thought…”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“I hurt you.” Anger fills your voice now, not for him, but for yourself. For the people who did this to you. For the people who made you into a killer, so that every time you wake up, you have to take minutes, hours, to remember how to be a person again instead of a weapon.

“It’s already healing.” He sets his nose just to prove it, a harsh crack causing you to cringe. The blood congeals on his Cupid’s bow. “See? All better.”

“It doesn’t matter. It could have been so much worse.”

“It wasn’t.” He shuffles closer, tucks a sweat-matted strand of hair behind your ear. “It wasn’t. I’m okay. We’re both okay.”

You have no answer to that. With quivering fingers, you reach out slowly and swipe away the blood, his stubble bristling beneath the pad of your thumb. “I’m so sorry.”

He pulls you close, then, because he knows you need it, even if you’re not sure you deserve it. His hot, bare torso warms you up, the smell of his citrusy soap sharp and sweet in your nostrils. You cling on for dear life and sob, sob, sob, because it’s all you can do. You can still feel the throb in your stomach from the surgery you’d been dreaming about, still taste the foul shit they fed you after to get you “strong” again. You can feel the starchy linen around your calves and the needles in your arms. You can feel it all, and the only thing that assures you it’s not real is his hands drawing circles along your back, from your shoulder blades to your tailbone.

He doesn’t say anything, because he knows there’s nothing to say. You have to pull yourself out of this now. He can only hold you while you do.

You don’t know how long you sit like that. Somehow you end up in his lap, his back propped against the wall and your arms wrapped around his neck. Loosely, so he knows you’re not going to hurt him again. It feels wrong to be this close to him after what you’ve just done. You pull away, running your fingers through his hair as you gaze at him through bleary eyes.

“Maybe…” you gulp, your throat raw and gritty. “Maybe I should sleep on the couch for a while. Maybe we jumped into this too quickly.”

He shook his head, brushing his nose against yours lightly. “No.”

“Bucky…” you sigh, hollowed out. “Don’t make this harder. Please.”

“I’m not. I’m making it easier. We’re not going back to being too afraid to sleep in the same room.”

“I just tried to kill you. I’m not…safe.” The last word comes out small, cracking with guilt. You want so badly to be able to trust yourself again, trust you won’t hurt the man you love, but you can’t. And that’s the worst part. You can love the hell out of him, but it doesn’t change the instinct to destroy. The day Hydra took you, they made sure you’d always be a killer before anything else.

“I trust you,” he murmurs. “I shouldn't have woken you the way I did. I just didn’t know what to do. It was one of the worst ones you’ve had in a while.”

And it knocks you sick to your stomach. You want so badly to forget.

Hot tears roll down your cheeks. You make no effort to staunch them as you collapse beside him, tired eyes fluttering closed.

He laces his fingers through yours and squeezes. “It’s not the first time it’s happened. Not with either of us. It won’t be the last. But we need to learn to deal with it without a wall between us. It’s never gonna be easy, but we deserve to try. And if that means I get my nose broken every now and again, so be it.”

“It’s not funny,” you snap.

“I know. I’m not joking.” He turns to face you, his eyes glistening. “I love you, Y/N. All of you. You’ve stood by me when I’ve woken with my hand around your throat. When I’ve kicked and punched and shut myself off. It’s what we do, and it’s never going to go away—but neither am I. Neither are we. We have to stop feeling guilty for suffering. I don’t want to sleep without you again.” He places a kiss on your knuckles and then leaves your hand against his chest, where you can feel his heart beat steadily. “More importantly, I don’t want you to wake up alone when things get that bad. I want to be with you through every nightmare and every bad day. I want us to get through this together. Even the worst parts.”

A lump fills your throat. You swallow it down and lean into his chest again. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.” Or who you’d be. The only thing that brought you back from all that hatred, all those bloody battles, was him and his love. His belief in you.

“You don’t have to think about that,” he whispers into your hair. “Come on. Let’s go back to bed.”

He guides you up off the floor. You follow him tentatively, perching so far away from his side of the bed that you might fall off. But he pulls you closer by the waist, his hand curling protectively around your stomach. He kisses the scars along your shoulder blades then, each one a different story, a different kill.

“What if I hurt you again?” you worry, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip.

“Then we’ll deal with it,” he says, all gravel and softness, two things that shouldn’t go together but do. “Like we always do.”

His fingertip finds the thick scar tissue just below your belly button and traces along it lightly. It’s something you can never do. You can’t even stand to look at it most days, only finding the ugliness of what Hydra did to you, and what they made you do, too. But he touches it like it’s the most fragile of glass, like he’s memorising the shape of it, and you sink deeper into his chest as your eyelids grow heavy.

“Think about something good,” he says. “Your favourite place. I’ll chase away the bad dreams if they come to get you.”

You don’t have to think. You’re already in your favourite place now. All you have to do is keep counting your breaths and noticing every part of you he’s touching: your backside against his pelvis, his chest against your back, his fingers on your stomach, his legs nudging yours. You clutch on harder to him, just like before.

“You,” you murmur finally, already sinking back into a restless slumber. “You’re my favourite place.”

“And I’m not going anywhere.”

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane’s Pets Pt. 50: Escapism

Tws in the tags

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Today is a good day. Puppy woke up before her alarm feeling well rested. She had good dreams, but not the kind that make you feel disappointed when you wake up. The happy, light feeling carries over into wakefulness.

She decides to make breakfast for her roommates. Not because she has to, or because it’s her job, but because she wants to.

She’ll make chocolate chip pancakes. She can have chocolate because she’s human and not a dog or a pet.

Charlie comes out of their room, yawning. Their long, orange hair is a mess.

“Good morning. I woke up early, so I’m making pancakes.” Puppy says.

“Morning.” Charlie yawns again, then sniffs and perks up. “Chocolate chip pancakes? Is today special?”

“Nope! I just wanted chocolate. Do you want to cut up some fruit to top it with?”

Charlie nods and gets some strawberries from the fridge. Liam comes out of his room.

“Good morning. How’d you sleep?”

Liam rubs his eyes. “Mmmm… ask me again later. I don’t know yet.”

“That’s fair. Well, I slept great. Woke up feeling well rested and everything.”

Liam grumbles something about morning people and collapses onto the couch. Puppy smiles. She absolutely adores her roommates.

When breakfast is ready, she gently wakes Liam up again. “Hey. I made chocolate chip pancakes. Do you want any?”

Liam nods and rolls off the couch.

Breakfast is nice. Charlie and Liam wake up enough to hold conversation, and the three of them chat about how how they slept and their plans for the day.

They end up with plenty of leftovers. Puppy puts them away while Charlie does the dishes and Liam wipes down the table.

Puppy starts sorting some of her laundry while Charlie and Liam get ready. She always showers after Liam and Charlie leave because she doesn’t need to be anywhere early in the mornings, unlike them. She’s a writer and her schedule is very flexible.

Puppy has found that the time she waits for the shower to be available is great for getting some quick chores done. It’s very satisfying to get things done so early in the morning.

Liam and Puppy hug goodbye, and Charlie offers the two of them air hugs. Puppy will miss them while they’re at work, but they both enjoy their jobs a lot and she would never want to take that from them.

Charlie works at a non-profit, providing free or cheap therapy to people who need it. They’re amazing at their job, and make the world a better place every day.

Liam is a gardener. He likes being outside.

Puppy makes enough money off her books that neither of them have to work, but they do anyway. Whatever makes them happy.

Puppy showers and brushes her hair and teeth. She picks an outfit that shows off her unscarred arms and legs and uncollared neck. She thinks she’ll write in the nearby park today, since it’s so nice out. Then she’ll go to the library, and then to her dance class.

It’s a very nice day. Birds chirp and there’s a pleasant cool breeze. Perfect weather for hanging out in the park and writing.

Admittedly, Puppy gets distracted fairly often when writing outside, but that’s okay. She could never write another book and still have enough money to sustain her for the rest of her life.

It’s nice to be around people. It’s nice to hear children laughing, it’s nice to see people happy and relaxed. Complete strangers who won’t be murdered or anything, just alive and happy.

After writing a few pages, Puppy decides to call it quits and head to the library. She has a book club meeting today.

Everyone in her book club has interesting perspectives on the book, and it’s all very nice. She shares what she thinks and they listen, and they don’t tell her she’s not allowed to speak anymore if they disagree. They have a lively discussion that goes on for hours before picking a new book and agreeing to meet at the same time next week.

She can make plans like that. She doesn’t have to ask permission, she can go somewhere because she wants to go there and she won’t be punished.

She can do what she wants. She can make friends without fear because she knows no one will use those attachments against her.

She stays in the library to read for a while longer, then heads to her dance class.

Puppy has been getting really good at dancing, she thinks. It’s not difficult to make her body do what she wants it to do. She feels connected with her body and it doesn’t hurt. It feels good and it makes her happy. She chats aimlessly with fellow students. She doesn’t think have to have a purpose when talking, she can just talk.

Someday, she thinks she’ll teach a dance class. That would be really fun.

When the class is over, she heads home. She doesn’t dread heading home, she’s excited about it. She’s excited to ask Liam and Charlie about their days and tell them about hers. She hopes they’ll have time to play a game and watch a movie tonight.

She gets home before the two of them, but they’re not far behind.

“How was your day?” She asks.

Charlie smiles. “Y’know, saved lives, made the world a better place. I’m basically a superhero.”

Puppy can tell there’s something bothering them, but doesn’t push. She knows Charlie will ask for help if they need it, and she knows that she’ll be able to provide that help without hinderance, so it doesn’t stress her out.

Liam steps into his room to take off his work clothes. “My day was good too. I saved lives too. Not human lives, but I still think it’s impressive. What about you?”

“Good! I went to the park, and then I had book club and dance lessons.”

“I thought you didn’t have dance class on Tuesdays.”

“I didn’t, but I joined another class. This one’s ballet, isn’t that fun?”

Liam makes a noncommittal sound. He’s not a big fan of dance, which makes it all the sweeter that he comes to every dance performance.

Charlie starts getting things ready in the kitchen. “I’m thinking enchiladas tonight, how does that sound?”

“That sounds great.” Puppy says. She slides into the kitchen and starts helping. Once Liam is in more comfortable clothes, he comes to help too.

The three of them fall into an easy rhythm. Charlie takes the lead, instructing the other two on how best to help, but the three of them work together as equals. Dinner is done in no time.

They share stories as they eat. Puppy talks about the same book she talked about in book club earlier, still full of thoughts about it. Charlie excitedly talks about the new methodology they’ve been learning. Liam talks about plants and how the season changing will impact them. Puppy would normally find that incredibly boring, but coming from one of her best friends, she hangs on to every word.

After they eat and clean up dinner, they play Clue. Charlie makes a wrong guess three turns in and has to sit the rest out.

“These board games are just luck.” Charlie mutters.

Liam laughs. “Sure, with the way you’re playing them. You are allowed to strategize, though, if you ever want to try it.”

“Shut up.” Charlie puts on an exaggerated frown, but their eyes sparkle. They’re having a good time, even though they lost.

With just two people left, the game goes very quickly. Puppy has narrowed down the person and the weapon when Liam makes his guess. He was right.

“He cheats!” Charlie exclaims. Liam shrugs. He tries not to act like it, but he’s very competitive and very happy to have won.

“I want to watch a movie before bed.” Puppy says. The others agree, so the three of them watch a movie with no gore at all, one that they all enjoy.

Liam and Puppy curl up together, and Charlie sits closer than usual, wrapped up in a blanket. They’re more comfortable with touch when it’s not skin to skin.

Puppy can’t stop smiling. What a good day today has been. And what a good week it’s going to be. Tomorrow she’ll go to the farmer’s market, and on Friday she has a modern dance lesson.

She sighs contentedly. She is safe and warm and no one can hurt her, no one wants to hurt her. Her friends are safe and warm and no one can hurt them, no one wants to hurt them.

If only it was real.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else!

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @ghostsinthecloset @scp-1296 @fuzzybucketz

[pies-writes-and-more]

Hii- if you're taking any request, could I get one where reader, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima are friends but the reader constantly drops hints that she likes Yams but he misinterprets them as for Tsukki? 👉🏻👈🏻 dkgjsjfje no need to rush yourself tho oki? You can do it in your own time ❤️ hope you have a wonderful day/night! ✨

Word Count: 2,036

Warnings: probably some swearing, a bit of angst but there’s a happy ending promise! 

Pairing: Yamaguchi Tadashi x Fem!Reader

A/N: Thank you for the request! I dunno if I fully got the idea you wanted haha but here you go! (Originally thought @thisnoodlewritesao3 gave in this request but apparently she didn’t!!!! So whoever sent this in thank you so much!!!!). Enjoy lovelies!

(not my gif, creds to the original creator :))

Today was the day. Yamaguchi had never been so confident with one of his decisions before. But this one. This one he was sure of.

He tucked the broken pieces of his heart into some deep part of him as he stared at himself in the mirror. He stared at himself in the mirror for a second before nodding to himself. Today was the day, he whispered to himself for what felt like the millionth time. Today was the day he would let go.

He knew it was going to hurt, he knew that his heart was already falling apart but it didn’t matter. How can you be broken hearted over losing someone when they weren’t yours in the first place?

The day started like any other school day, Yamaguchi meeting up with you and Tsukishima on the corner of the street where all your paths met. Like usual, you and Tsukishima were already there since you both lived closer than Yamaguchi did.

“Hi Yams!” You beamed up at him and he tried his best to give a genuine smile back. Why did this smile look so much different than the one you gave Tsukki?

“You took longer than usual,” Tsukishima commented, raising an eyebrow at his best friend.

Yamaguchi had hoped he wouldn’t noticed, but it wasn’t really all that surprising that he did, “Just got up late,” he said with a smile, trying to be convincing.

Tsukishima watched him for a moment, raising an eyebrow as if to ask are you sure you’re okay? Yamaguchi just gave a small nod and then turned to you as you talked about the project that was due today.

He wanted to keep walking with you, listening to you go on about your day, about the dog you saw on your way over, about your family and anything else that made you smile. But he kept slowing down his pace, watching from behind what it would look like, you and Tsukki walking together. Why did you two look so much better than he could ever dream?

“Yams?” Your voice drew him from his thoughts, him offering his typical I’m okay smile. “You seem really out of it today, are you feeling sick?” You asked, pressing a hand to his forehead to check his temperature.

He wanted to press against your hand just a little longer, the feeling of your skin on his always made his heart flutter. But instead, he just laughed and shook his head, “I’m alright. I guess I’m still a little asleep!”

You seemed to buy it and nod, linking your arm with his, “Come on then, don’t slow down on me. If you do, I have to walk with Tsukishima and I don’t think he likes my company,” you laugh.

Tsukishima just rolled his eyes and pulled his headphones on like he normally did in the mornings when the three of you walked together. Yamaguchi always wondered if he did this so he could have more privacy to talk to you. Tsukishima had known right away that Yamaguchi’s heart only beat for you. But what else did he know?

Did he know that Yamaguchi would always step back for him? Did he know that you just seemed so much happier with him, the one who was so much cooler? So much taller? So much smarter? That you would be better off with him?

But you just talked on, trying to get Yams back into how he was normally, asking about his weekend and morning. By the time you all got to school, Tsukishima said something about needing to go find the third years and talk to them about something. It was a lie and Yamaguchi was sure of that. 

Tsukishima had been trying to tell him lately to stop being so scared and just tell you how he felt. He even insisted that you had been trying to drop little hints all the time but Yamaguchi was sure that Tsukishima was just exaggerating (though, he wasn’t really the exaggerating kind). But how had Tsukishima not noticed how much time you spent by his side? How had he not realized that you always seemed to try and get his attention, always tried to get him talking?

You had to be in love with Tsukishima Kei, Yamaguchi was sure of that. Because who would ever go for him, an emotional freckled loser, when Tsukki was around?

“Yams, do you think confessing ruins a lot of friendships?” You asked softly as the two of you walked slowly through the almost empty courtyard, not a lot of students on campus yet.

His eyes locked onto yours for a moment, the surprise in them flickering away as he quickly looked away, “What do you mean?”

“I mean... it’s so easy for friends to fall in love isn’t it? You know everything about a person, see everything they are, the good and the bad, and... you just can’t help it.” There was such a lightness to your voice. Yamaguchi’s heart was pounding against his chest, was this the moment you’d tell him? That you were in love with his best friend? What was he even supposed to say?

“I... suppose,” he mumbled quietly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Are you in love?”

“I’ve never been in love before,” you admitted shyly, smiling up at his direction but still noting that he was refusing to look at you. “But I think I might be.”

Somewhere, Yamaguchi wanted to tell her that Tsukki would never be interested. Even if Yamaguchi wasn’t in love with you, Tsukki didn’t really seem all that interested in relationships right now. So wouldn’t it be better for you to not bother getting her heart broken? Because his was already breaking and it was hurting like hell - shouldn’t he try to save you from that. He wanted to tell you to save yourself, but instead he heard himself say, “You should tell him then...”

He closed his eyes, ready for you to tell him with an excited tone that you were going to find Tsukki. Tell him how you felt. He saw a flash of a lifetime in his head, what you would look like on your first date with Tsukki holding your hand, how your smile would meet Tsukki’s eyes more than Yamaguchi’s, how you would offer your heart to Tsukki, and not Yamaguchi-

“I’m trying to, but he’s refusing to look at me,” you said suddenly, a laugh in your voice. What was that in your laugh? Was that... nervousness?

Yamaguchi’s eyes popped open, looking down at you with surprise. “W-What?”

“If you’d just pay attention to me, this confession would’ve been over a while ago,” you laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of your head. Now that he was looking at you, your eyes didn’t want to meet his.

“Confession?” Yamaguchi’s voice cracked and his ears were burning with embarrassment now.

You bit down on your lip, a nervous habit of yours, and pulled out a cute little teddy bear plush from your backpack, “I got this at the arcade we went to a few days ago. And that day, when it was just you and me, I realized that you’re the only one I want to be with all the time. You’re always there for me and after meeting you, every one of those songs I listen to just... makes sense.”

Yamaguchi was dreaming wasn’t he? He was going to wake up in a few seconds and be sorely disappointed. He was going to punch his pillow and shed a few tears because this was all just a dream right?

“I know we’ve been friends for like forever, and that volleyball takes up a lot of your time lately. But if... I dunno if maybe you feel the same way, maybe we could go on a date sometime? There’s this cute cafe I heard about nearby and they have these milkshakes that I think we would like-” you rambled nervously, noting his open-mouth expression and lack of response.

There was one thing that Yamaguchi was never able to do during dreams. One thing he always wanted to do but always woke up before. He had to wake up before he fell too far in this dream, he had to wake up before he wasn’t able to and this dream took over his whole mind. Before he could think through it rationally, Yamaguchi took your face in his hands and pressed a quick peck to your lips.

His lips felt like heaven against yours, your eyes widening as he stood there, holding your hands like he was even surprised he had been able to do that.

“Y-Yams?” You squeaked, unsure that that had really just happened.

“That doesn’t normally happen,” he murmured to himself, staring down at you like you were going to disappear in a few seconds.

“W-When?” You whispered back, a little confused.

“When I dream about this,” Yamaguchi’s whole face was going red now. His eyes were widening and his fingers were starting to shake against your cheeks. He pulled away from you, clasping a hand against his mouth realizing what he had just done. “I-I’m not dreaming.”

“N-Nope,” you can’t help but laugh, holding a hand over your lips. “You dream about me?”

“Y-Yea. No. I mean. Not like... weird things or anything I just-” Yamaguchi rambled, shaking his hands in front of him nervously. “I’m so sorry, Y/N, I thought, I just normally don’t-”

“You know, when I told Y/N to confess to you today, I didn’t think you’d react like that,” Tsukishima laughed from across the courtyard, grinning bigger than Yamaguchi had ever seen before.

“Y-You knew?”

“Y/N’s been annoying me all week about it,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “Something about wanting to know if feelings were reciprocated or something. As if you two haven’t been drooling over each other ever since meeting.” He shrugged like this was a normal thing, like seeing his two friends confess and kiss was just a typical Monday morning thing.

Yamaguchi’s chest was feeling so tight, like his heart had stopped working from shock. Was this a heart attack? Is this what all those people were always warning you about? Was he dying?

“Oi, Tadashi, you haven’t given her an answer yet,” Tsukishima scoffed, shaking his head. “Accept her confession, ask her out on a date, and then let’s get to class. People are going to start staring soon.”

Yamaguchi spluttered out a, “I really like you, Y/N!”, his cheeks burning with embarrassment and surprise, wishing he could rewind and go back. He took the teddy bear that was still in your hands, smiling a little at the cute bow around its neck and the smile on its face that was looking back at him.

You just giggled and rocked on your feet nervously, “Well I’d hope so. You don’t go around kissing girls you don’t like do you?”

“O-Of course not!” He shook his head, letting out a nervous laugh. “That cafe date sounds really nice.”

The two of you just stood there for a moment, shyly avoiding each other’s eyes until Tsukishima sighed while walking over, and pushed Yamaguchi over to you, “Alright, let’s go then.” He said, as if fed up with you both but Yamaguchi swore he saw a smile on the salty boy’s face.

“I really like you too,” you whisper to Yamaguchi later, taking his hand in yours and letting your fingers tangle together.

Later, Yamaguchi would tell you he honestly thought you were into Tsukishima and would laugh when your nose scrunched up, “Oh God no!” You smirked, shaking your head. “I was trying to make sure he liked me. I figured you wouldn’t go out with a girl that Tsukishima wouldn’t at least tolerate.”

Yamaguchi laughed and pressed a kiss to your cheek. He held your face in his hands again, just admiring your face and the way you smiled at him. This smile seemed to be reserved just for him and he wanted to look at it forever.

That was the day that Yamaguchi promised himself he would never let you go. You were his now, and he didn’t ever want to lose you.

Haikyuu Masterlist

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