#down bad at 2am on a saturday.

[ivsleeptoken]

POV 🤭

[sunlightmurdock]

My Future in You | 2.7 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

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Synopsis: Bradley’s twenty-two years old and not where he’s supposed to be. Then, a hook up at a Halloween party changes his future even more than he could have imagined.

Warnings: accidental pregnancy, references to abortion in a few chapters, angst, fluff, vague mentions of a blowjob, enemies to lovers kinda thing, babies and fluff and more babies, domestic fluff, character sickness at the end, we: 3.8k

…

“Bradley, your son wants you.” You mumble into his bare chest, eyes practically glued shut, the steady chorus of his breathing already trying to lull you back to sleep mid-sentence.

If you had told him a year ago that he would be spending his prime-time Saturday 2am slot just barely awake, cradling a girl and getting ready to go and change a diaper — he would have turned and run for the hills. Now that he’s in it, it’s not so bad.

As he turns his face into the curve of your neck and inhales the familiar scent of you, the idea of getting out of bed, now that seems bad.

“He’s not even crying yet.” Bradley mumbles into your hair, his eyelids heavy, the mattress soft and pillowy under him, inviting him back to sleep. Your palm smacks into his stomach and he groans. “Fine, I’m up. I’m up.”

The baby is just starting to grumble really, kicking his feet and waving up at the mobile above his bassinet. He’s really starting to look at things now. The light fixture in the living room seems to fascinate the kid.

Bradley leans into you and he kisses your hair, before pushing the covers back and rolling out of bed with a groan. He pads around to the other side of the bed and squints tiredly at the bassinet. Thomas kicks his legs and flaps his hands, apparently excited to be awake at this time of night.

“Come here, little guy,” He whispers, his thumbs stretching far across the infant’s tiny chest, his fingers hooking under his back. He lifts him and sets him against his chest, rubbing his back softly. “I’ve got ya.”

He’s getting real wriggly now. He turns his face into Bradley’s bare chest and coos, arms and legs stretching out as Bradley holds him close.

You hum softly and roll onto your back, blinking through the darkness to look at the two of them. Thomas fits against his shoulder like a puzzle piece. Bradley’s hand still covers the entire length of his back. He always looks so doll-like in his dad’s arms.

“Go back to sleep, babe.” Bradley urges you, patting Thomas’ back and turning to head for the living room. He’s hungry. Bradley has learned that’s what this kind of grizzling sound means — he’s a lot louder when he needs a diaper change.

He almost has it down to a routine now. Could maybe do it with his eyes closed if he was trying. He blinks tiredly, swaying side to side as he lets a few droplets fall from the tip of the bottle onto the inside of his wrist.

“A little longer, little man.” Bradley whispers, setting the bottle down again, shifting Thomas in his arms. He’s getting bigger. A whole two and a half pounds in the last five weeks. Longer too. His feet now extend beyond the length of Bradley’s forearm and onto his palm.

His nose wrinkles in the air and his mitten covered hands rub haphazardly at his face. He takes short, warbling breaths. Bradley has learned by now that means a big cry is coming.

“Shh, shh, shh— I know, I know — Daddy should make it cool down faster, I’m working on it.” He whispers, rocking side to side and gently bouncing the infant against his arm.

You talk to him all the time and he seems to just quieten up and listen.

“Your mom’s got it all figured out, huh?” Bradley will never get over how soft Thomas’ cheeks are. Round and plush, so delicate. He trails his thumb in soft circles over the apples of his cheeks, watching the way his infant son matches him with a seemingly pleased wriggle.

“I’m getting there.” It’s like Bradley’s telling both of them, really. He nods his head and picks up the bottle again. That’ll do.

They settle onto the couch and Bradley nestles him into the crook of his elbow, holding the bottle up high so the air doesn’t get in, blinking tiredly at ESPN’s coverage of a baseball game from a week ago. Glancing down, he finds that Thomas’ eyes aren’t on the light fixture above them. It’s not switched on. He’s looking right, staring at the blue and white glow of the television.

The book on the coffee table says he can only see a couple of inches from his own face still, more than last week but not as much as he’ll be able to see next week. He just likes the lights, Bradley guesses.

Still, he kicks his feet up onto the table and smiles a bit.

“We’ll watch tonnes of these together,” Bradley tells him, over the sounds of Thomas gulping hungrily at the bottle. “I’m sorry that the first game you’re seeing is an Astros game. They suck. But, don’t tell your Uncle that I said that.”

He stares at the screen. “You don’t have to be into baseball. It’d be cool if you’d watch a game with me every now and again, but I won’t hold you to it. We could be into… swimming, or something — I don’t know, it’s 3am, I can’t think of other sports right now.”

When he looks down this time, Thomas is looking up at his face. His eyes are heavy and kind of crossed, apparently that’s normal when they’re drinking.

“Yeah,” Bradley whispers, stroking at the baby’s forearm with his thumb as his other hand holds the bottle steady. “Doesn’t matter. We’ll have something in common, right? — We’ll figure it out.”

His face softens, breathing out a soft and amused noise as Thomas’ eyes roll back and his hands stretch up towards his head.

“That’s good, huh?” He smiles.

He drinks about four ounces each time now. Then, Bradley sits him up — he has grown awfully familiar with the importance of a muslin during this step — and pats his back softly for a couple of minutes. This part is especially hard because Thomas almost always tries to fall asleep immediately after eating.

Not tonight.

Tonight, he’s wide awake and still kicking away on his play mat at 4:30am. Bradley’s sitting at his side, propped up against the couch and now somehow watching a documentary on the mesozoic era.

He yawns, combing a hair through his wild curls and stretching his legs out in front of him. As the narrator stops to take a breath, Bradley hears your bedroom door click open.

You pad along the hallway and round the corner into the living room. He looks barely awake, blinking at you.

“What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” You answer him, crossing the living room and stepping over his legs. He loops his arms around your middle as you straddle his waist and rest your head against his shoulder. “The bed was cold. You didn’t come back.”

“Yeah, sorry, babe, we were just having too much fun out here without you.” Bradley mumbles into the crook of your neck, closing his eyes for a moment. His eyes sting behind his eyelids and your warmth against him is threatening to send him back to sleep.

You hum amusedly, kissing softly at his shoulder. You reach just past him and hold Thomas’ onesie covered foot, your mouth stretching upward into a grin. “Did Daddy get you too excited to go back to sleep, huh? — You two have no respect for bedtime, you know that?”

Bradley chuckles, pulling back and turning his head to watch the two of you.

“I have respect for bedtime, I was in bed on time. Our kid is a bad influence on me.”

“Yeah? Did daddy let you stay up and watch dinosaurs?” You grin, tickling your fingers lightly across the embroidered teddy bear that covers his stomach. Bradley turns his face into your neck, letting his eyes fall shut for just a moment. Quickly, they shoot back open as you let out a gasp.

“He’s smiling!” You push out of Bradley’s lap and kneel closer to the little activity mat. “Was that funny? Are you smiling at me?”

Bradley pushes up onto his knees and leans closer to get a look, and sure enough, his lips are twitched just a bit at the corners and as Bradley leans in, his mouth opens real wide. It looks like a real grin.

Not just the kind of smile he usually does before he pukes either. This one looks more real. Like he really did find you funny. Bradley’s lips twitch. He kisses your shoulder softly, his hand resting against your waist as you kiss Thomas’ cheek.

His cheeks dimple, his grin stretching as he makes a gargling coo sound, kicking his legs eagerly.

“That’s so a real smile! He’s happy!” You gasp, beaming as your head whips around to look at Bradley.

His thumb dips under your sleep shirt, stroking over the inch wide space above your shorts. He inhales deeply, then exhales, smiling back at you.

“Of course he’s happy.” Bradley says quietly. He watches you lean over and kiss Thomas’s stomach, then his face, then all over his mitten-covered hands. Then, you turn back and set yourself in Bradley’s lap again, your hands resting against his shoulders.

“We’re doing a good job, right?” You ask him.

“Feels like it.” He tells you quietly. You nod your head back at him. For a moment, the two of you just stare back at each other.

Just your eyes locked on his, the glow of the television behind you and the faint consistency of the dinosaur spiel and Thomas’ cooing. He’s really looking at you. His thumbs circle your hips and it feels like he’s just reading you like a book — like he has learned how to understand the position of your lips and the shape of your eyes and the depth of your breaths.

His big brown eyes, always looking at you with such a softness these days. Such a recognition.

It’s a really strange feeling, because when you look down at this little thing that you love so much — you see parts of him all over, and you know it’s the same for Bradley. To look back at him now and find those things, it’s like seeing them for the first time all over again.

You lean in close and kiss the bridge of his nose, then rest your forehead against his.

“You’re happy too?” Bradley asks, his thumbs stroking softly at your hips. You nod your head against his and hum a sound of agreement.

“Yeah. Are you?”

Bradley lifts his head a bit and lets his mouth cover yours. Warm and firm. An answer of sorts. Still, he nods anyway.

“Yeah.”

And then his mouth is on yours again, softer this time but faster. His kiss pushes a breath out of your nose, your hands linking behind his shoulders as you pull yourself closer.

Those dinosaurs and that droning voice fade into a blur and it’s just Bradley. He melts into you, groaning at the feeling of your fingers in his curls. Kissing, pulling, panting, lost in the sensation of your lips coming together. His hand comes up to cup the side of your jaw, guiding your mouth against his as his tongue caresses yours.

The hand that isn’t on your cheek skims briefly along your back, then grabs firmly at your hip. He drags you closer, the proximity making you shiver.

His eagerness thrums between you like energy, pulling you closer together, deepening your kisses until your head is spinning and you’re half sure that you’re soaking through the thin fabric of underwear that separates you.

For a second, you remember how you wound up here. Falling just as easily into Bradley Bradshaw’s bed, letting yourself get so captivated by his kisses. He feels you smile against his lips, and is the first to pull back.

His fingers dig softly into your hips.

“Are you thinking about the baseball?” He whispers, kissing you again. You grin against him, breaking into a soft giggle as you nod. The signed baseball bet, where you had offered to blow him. That thing is in a box now. He hums, “That was a really good blowjob.”

You frown and shove at his shoulders, “Don’t say that in front of—“

At once, you turn to check and find your son to be asleep on his back. All of that wriggling and kicking tired him out, one of his mitten covered hands resting against his cheek.

“Huh. He put himself to sleep.” Bradley comments, he looks back to you and finds your lips quirked. His brows start to knit together, wondering what you’re finding to smirk about at four-thirty in the morning.

Then, you lean in close and kiss his cheek softly, your lips grazing his ear. “Go put him in his bassinet.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. Setting you on the ground beside him, he scoops up the baby and cradles him to his chest. You watch him kiss the top of Thomas’ head before they disappear down the hall together. He returns with a grin on his face.

”Yeah, yeah, take your pants off.” You tease him, pushing up onto your knees as he struts across the room with that cocky little smile on his face. He drops down onto the couch and sighs wistfully.

”Whoa — I’m not that kind of guy, you’ve gotta buy me dinner first.” He jokes back to you, leaning down and kissing your mouth softly. Your palm dips into the leg of his shorts, fingers wrapping loosely around his hardening cock. He chuckles breathily against your lips. “You’re right, I am that kind of guy.”

This makes you giggle, quietly of course, you’re mastering the art of not waking up Thomas by this point. Bradley sits back as your mouth presses softly to his chest. He watches silently as you kiss your way down his body, lifting his hips for you to tug his shorts down.

Then, finally, your lips are wrapped around him. His hand flinches, halfway between curling itself into your hair and staying put against the fabric of the couch. Your gaze flickers up to him, heavy with more than just the weight of the late night, your tongue flat against the underside of his cock.

You lace your fingers through his, squeeze his hand and guide it to the back of your own head. Bradley breathes out shakily. “Fuck, I love you.”

He does love you. He shows you every single day.

After sex, Bradley used to be the first to walk away. If he was in his own bed, he would be up at the crack of dawn to indicate that there was no intention of this being a long term thing. If he was in someone else’s he would be gone even sooner.

Tonight, when you’re grinning up at him as he tries to catch his breath, the first thing that crosses his mind is your bed. His and yours. Where he has held you every night for the past few months, where your son sleeps a few feet away.

Pulling his shorts up around his hips, Bradley leans forwards and pulls you to your feet, then hooks his hands under your thighs. You bury your gasp into the curve of his neck as he lifts you against him, guiding your legs around his waist.

”C’mon, let’s go to bed.”

He offered to reciprocate the favour. It’s getting difficult to say no, watching him stroll around the house in a pair of shorts, holding your baby in his arms. Even worse since he went back to work and the flight suit made its reappearance.

You’re only a week from getting the all-clear, and really, you’re half sure that six days wouldn’t make that much of a difference in your recovery journey. But that’s the old you thinking. Now that you’ve got a kid, you should be doing things more by the book.

So, six more days until you can let Maverick take the baby for a nice long walk, and have wild, protected sex, with Bradley. His arms wrap securely around your middle. He turns his face into the crook of your neck and kisses lazily at your skin, and promptly falls asleep.

It takes you a little longer, you weren’t up for as long as he was, but you know that you have to work fast while the two boys are asleep. Eyes closed, Bradley’s heartbeat is steady against your back and his snoring is muffled by your shoulder. If you listen out, you can hear Thomas’ deep little breaths from within his bassinet.

Slow, deep breaths in. Bradley’s weight pressing into your back. Long, calm breaths out. The dinosaurs on the television and the smile on Thomas’ face. The freckles on Bradley’s chest, the feeling of his arms wrapped around your middle.

You’re up before him the next morning. Tommy has little respect for the Saturday morning lazies, it would seem. You let Bradley sleep in for a bit, giving the baby his bottle and getting in a solid twenty minute tummy-time session before it dawns on you that the two of you had invited Maverick over.

“Come on in, Mav — Bradley’s sleeping.” You call to the door. Bradley still gets a little antsy when his uncle comes around, but he doesn’t mind so much as long as the conversation stays on Tommy.

Maverick has been over a couple of times since he was born and it’s like the two of them have some kind of unspoken connection. Pete’s old and childless, and kind of a bachelor, but something about him calms Tommy down every single time.

His spare key clicks in the lock and the door opens compliantly. After the last emergency, you figured it would be good for him to have one. At least for as long as he will be in Pensacola with you.

Dressed in his uniform of a white t-shirt and vintage jeans, Maverick walks towards you shaking his head. He isn’t fazed by the fact that you’re in your pyjamas. Carole stayed in hers until Bradley was almost eight months.

He exhales as he sits beside you. “I can’t believe how big he’s getting.”

“I know, right? — It’s going by so quickly.” You hum, grinning at the baby in an attempt to replicate last night’s moment of pure bliss. Maverick’s blue eyes flicker between the two of you, and he finds himself smiling too. “Here, make yourself useful, Gramps. I’ll get Bradley.”

He complies as easily as the door had, taking the baby as you pass him over, but his face falls. Gramps. That’s not his title, he hasn’t earned it. Looking down at the squirming little boy in his arms — god, he hopes he earns it.

You push up onto the edge of your bed, take two steps, and drop down on top of Bradley, waking him with a groan.

“Morning.” You grin at him as he frowns grumpily at you, blinking through the morning light. He reaches out blindly and cups the back of your neck, pulling you into him. You giggle as he kisses at your forehead, then puckers his lips expectantly for you to kiss his mouth.

You peck his lips softly.

He sighs softly. ”What time is it?”

You smooth your hands along his bare chest and tap at his navel. ”Eleven. Mav’s here, put some clothes on and entertain so that I can shower?”

“Uh-huh. Five more minutes.” He mumbles, turning his face into the pillow, almost knocking you off of him as he tries to roll onto his side. You shove at his shoulders and he groans again, more dramatically this time. “Fine, I’m up.”

You seem to have struck a decent balance. Maverick has stopped by every weekend since you got back from the hospital, more now that Bradley is back at work. He seems to have a little more freedom in the Navy than Bradley does, but Bradley says that’s not how it’s supposed to be.

Doesn’t matter to you either way, it gives you time on a Saturday morning to have a twenty minute shower, get dressed and still find time to put some makeup on afterwards. Even if Bradley does appear in the reflection behind you after exactly thirty-two minutes of independence.

“What’s that look on your face?” You wonder aloud, coating mascara through your lashes in the mirror. He presses his chest into you, snaking a hand around to your front and resting it against your stomach.

“Just… getting used to him not being in there anymore.”

“Tell me about it, I keep getting surprised when I see my toes.” You scoff in response, setting the applicator into the tube and twisting it shut, dropping it back into your makeup bag. Bradley leans forwards and kisses the side of your neck softly.

Then again. Then, he turns his head and looks at you through the mirror with a smile on his face.

“I can fix that, if it’s an issue for you.” You already know that he’s joking but the sentiment of being pregnant again so soon makes you screw your face up and push him off of you anyway.

“Five weeks postpartum and you’re already begging to knock me up again,” You hum, playing him right back at his own game as you pull a blush from the bag. “And to think, last time you just took it for granted.”

His palm smoothes over your stomach, using the leverage to drag you backwards into his chest. He turns his face and kisses your cheek tenderly.

“I’ll make it up to you next time.”

“Bradley, I love you,” You tell him carefully, squinting at him through the mirror, “but if you keep threatening to get me pregnant, I might have to take a vow of celibacy.”

He snorts. Threatening. His mouth stretches into a grin as his thumb trails across your navel, ending the conversation with a sweet shrug of his broad shoulders. Maybe there’s more to say on the topic, but you won’t know.

The sound of your phone ringing cuts between the two of you. Simultaneously, your eyes go wide. It’s going to make Thomas scream. That kid hates high-pitched noises, the two of you have been living with your phones on silent for weeks. You must have accidentally turned it off, either way, it’s loud and it’s shrill now — and Mav panics when Tommy starts screaming. Bradley leaves you with a quick squeeze of your hip, darting from the bathroom before you have even opened your mouth.

You hear him answer the phone with a quiet ‘hello?’ from the other room.

You slot the blush back into your makeup bag and dig around between plastic tubes and packages. Stupidly looking for whatever comes next in your routine, preparing yourself to do something minuscule like take a trip to the grocery store.

All too soon, Bradley appears in the mirror once again. He stands in the doorway of the bathroom, his face suddenly sullen, his eyes on you.

“Yeah. No, I get it. Call us back when you know.” He says quietly. The line clicks dead against his ear and he swallows thickly. Your smile falls as you turn to face him.

”What is it?”

Bradley lets his hand fall down to his side, pausing in thought for just a moment. He presses his lips together and gives a small, weak shake of his head.

”It’s your dad.”

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[holdinbacksecrets]

how do you think svt would subtly let you know they have feelings for you? 🥺🫣 or how they’d confess?

first of all, my sincere apologies for taking a year to answer this… but a couple nights ago i woke up at 2am, scrolled through my requests, and yours ended up inspiring these voicemails. thank you for requesting! i hope you enjoy 🖤

thank you @un-love for helping me assign these🫶🫶🫶🫶

voicemails seventeen leave you, hinting feelings

seungcheol: “hey…a lot was said last night…it’s important that you know how proud of you i am for opening up to me. it’s just…you have to know that… my home is yours for however long you need. there are clean sheets on the guest bed, but i know you prefer my mattress…we can switch- i just want you to be comfortable, not to worry about anything, ok? i hope i see you when i get home tonight. or if you want me to meet you at his—yours, i’d be happy to.”

jeonghan: “hey, are you ok? you looked upset last night, and i tried to show i noticed without… showing i noticed. you left earlier than i expected with lia, so i didn’t get a chance to ask. then hoshi was fucking wasted, so i was trying to get him home in one piece. let me know, please.”

joshua: “morning, let me know what time you’d like to leave tonight. the party starts at 8, but i don’t think it’s really going to start until 8:30. we could get dinner before if you want? and it’s ok if you forget a cardigan. now i keep one in my car in case we end up on a balcony.”

jun: “you’re probably freaking out, but your laptop is here. it’s fully charged. i can bring it to you. i know you have classes friday afternoon… if you use your ipad instead, come over after. i’ll make you dinner.”

soonyoung: “at this point, i need to keep your grocery store list on my notes app or something. it doesn’t matter where i am or what grocery store i find myself inside, i’m immediately wondering what you need. i end up getting things i know you’ll like… tampons too and those pads with the wings. i started keeping them in different bags i use because i never know which one i’ll have when i see you. i know it’s silly because you always have something with you just in case, but… i don’t know. i don’t want to be completely helpless. now i feel bad for my sister. is that weird? i never did this for her. i should have. i hope her boyfriend does.”

wonwoo: “i think you’re asleep, but i wanted to remind you to take another dosage of pain medicine when you wake up. it’s been twelve hours, and i know how forgetful you can get in that post-sleep haze.”

jihoon: “it’s so sunny here. i’m sending some to you for your birthday. missing your birthday… how the hell did that end up happening? i’m definitely not incredibly upset about it either… happy birthday. tell me all about your day when you get this. if i don’t answer, leave a detail in your voicemail” *whisper sings happy birthday*.

seokmin: “hey you. so i’m at the cafe, and i ordered a chai latte for you before realizing i didn’t know how much longer you’ll be. if it’s cold by the time you get here, i’ll order you another or see if they have a microwave. i think some customers are staring me down because i’m a single man occupying a table. please hurry. kindly. i say that so kindly.”

mingyu: “is it absolutely ridiculous to believe you… some part of you manifests in willow trees? i think of you, and i see one. it’s happened too many times to be a coincidence, even in other countries. i’ve taken pictures, so you have to believe me.”

minghao: “—you have to come with me next time.”

seungkwan: “do you want to be my date to my sister’s wedding? it’s not a big deal. i mean, it is, but i know how anxious you can get about things like this, so i want you to know it’s not a big deal… did you believe that for a second?”

hansol: “there’s going to be an indoor pop-up market two blocks from your apartment on saturday. i took a picture of the flyer through the car window, but it came out all blurry, and i’m running late for a schedule. this is a reminder for myself to make sure the details reach you. i also want to go with you if you decide to go… if you can go.”

chan: “can we change our friday night plans to saturday? i’m so sorry. my mom has an appointment, and i offered to drive her before my brain caught up and realized the day and time she’s scheduled. i don’t think i’ll make it back early enough, and i don’t want to leave her either, you know? she’s having a little procedure done. i want to be around just in case… because i’m worried about it. i didn’t think i’d be this worried. call me when you get this.”

bonus: “i’m around the corner from your place, and i have the tokyo hoodie with me. it’s your week, it’s freshly washed, so let me know if you’re home. i’ll drop it off.”

[https-harlow]

Jack Harlow

Series

Dad Jack

Concepts

All Individual Fics

All of my Jack Harlow Fics (oldest to newest)

Saturday Night Live

The reader is a very famous actress, has been since they were a child. Jack has been very open about his crush. The reader ends up hosting Saturday Night Live the same week Jack is the musical guest.

An Evening I Will Not Forget Part 2

Jack and the reader had been friends as long as they could remember, eventually turning into boyfriend and girlfriend in high school. Until several years later when their relationship fell apart and they had to continue their lives without each other.

Missed You

Jack shows up at your house at 2am because he missed you.

Proposal

Jack takes reader on a helicopter ride in Kentucky or Miami and he proposes afterword it’s at night by the way and urban and everyone set the scene for when they land back at the helipad.

Protect You

Jack wants to keep you and him a secret to protect you and him from the media but it lowkey hurts u. Like let’s say you guys are walking back to ur hotel one night and then he sees paparazzi and instantly drops your hand and your trying to not let it bother u but when he looks up at you after dropping ur hand you have tears in your eyes and he feels bad.

Settle Down

Jack wants to settle down, but you think he should continue to focus on his career.

Mini-Me

Paisley’s first dance recital, where you find out that she truly is a mini-Jack, and Jack, you, Paisley, and Olive start a new tradition.

The Early Years

You met Urban in middle school, which eventually led you to meeting Jack in high school. Urban saw how much you two liked each other before either you or Jack did, eventually setting you two up. Causing you to realize your feelings and make your relationship official shortly after.

Paisley's First Word

You and Jack had been trying to get Paisley to say mama or dada as her first word, but when Urban returns from a trip her first word isn’t what any of you expected.

Pumpkin Patch

Taking Paisley and Olive to a pumpkin patch.

Taking Care Of You

All Jack wants to do while you’re pregnant with your first daughter, Paisley, is take care of you even if it’s something small like putting lotion on your belly. You and Jack also start to celebrate Jack’s birthday with your tradition of giving each other gifts at midnight, though this time it is a matching gift. Jack can’t sleep and ends up talking to Paisley while you’re asleep.

Gentle

Paisley watches how Jack interacts with you during your pregnancy with Olive, and with Paisley being Jack’s mini me, it only makes sense that she copies him.

After Party

Jack and the reader would rather spend the after party alone then with others.

Keeping Secrets Part 2

You decide to tell Urban about your relationship with Jack, but he doesn’t respond in the way you thought he would.

Halloween Costumes

Paisley and Olive pick out their Halloween costumes, along with yours, Jack’s, Urban’s, and Clay’s.

That's Not My Daddy

Paisley and Olive see Jack in his wigs for Saturday Night Live for the first time and Olive refuses to believe it is him.

I'm Not Jealous, Just Protective

You and Jack go out to a club when a guy approaches you to hit on you and Jack gets jealous.

I Love You Because

You are struggling after giving birth to your second daughter Olive between feeling overwhelmed and dealing with the changes that happened to your body during your pregnancies, while also comparing yourself to some of the girls in Jack’s music videos. Jack reassures you that he loves everything about you.

Christmas Date

Knowing Christmas was your favorite holiday, Jack planned a Christmas inspired day for the two of you, decorating your Christmas Tree, watching Christmas movies, looking at Christmas lights, wanting to make your first Christmas as a couple and living together special, then on Christmas you exchange gifts.

Meeting Santa

You and Jack take Paisley and Olive to meet Santa.

Christmas Eve

How you and Jack spend Christmas Eve with Paisley and Olive.

Christmas Morning

Christmas morning with the family and you and Jack, with Clays help, surprise Paisley and Olive with a special present.

Elf Emergency

Olive accidentally touches the Elf on a shelf and Paisley is afraid the elf is going to lose its magic.

24 Hours With Jack Harlow

Based off the Vogue 24 Hours With Jack Harlow video.

New Sibling Reactions

You and Jack tell Paisley and Olive about their new sibling, except Olive isn’t ready to be a big sister.

Touring & Pregnancy Tests

Towards the end of the Come Home The Kids Miss You tour, you and Jack find out you’re pregnant with baby number 3.

Aren't You Nervous?

How you and Jack find out you are pregnant with your first born, Paisley.

Memories

You and Jack take Paisley and Olive to the park you went to a lot while dating, where they ask you questions about your relationship.

Baby Brother Or Baby Sister

You and Jack tell Paisley and Olive if they are getting a baby brother or a baby sister.

Officially Outnumbered

You give birth to your and Jack's third baby. Paisley and Olive meet their little brother.

First Concert

You and Jack take Paisley to the Eras tour, which happens to be their first concert other then watching Jack preform.

Pool Day

You, Jack, Paisley, Olive, and Hayden spend a day in the pool.

Presence

When you ask what Jack and Urban want for their birthday, they both say they want you.

Trick Or Treat

You and Jack take Paisley, Olive, and Hayden trick or treating.

Christmas Day

You, Jack, Paisley, Olive, and Hayden celebrate Christmas.

10 Years Later

You and Jack felt like your family was complete after four kids, but you start thinking about having a fifth baby.

She's Totally Flirting With You

Jack gets hit on by a waitress, though he thinks she's just being nice, Paisley and Olive come to your defense to convince Jack she's flirting with him.

First Time Parents (Paisley's birth fic)

You give birth to you and Jack's first daughter, Paisley.

We're Doing Something Right

You and Jack catch Paisley and Olive trying to make sure Hayden falls asleep.

It Was Always You

Despite Jack’s marriage to Amber, you and Jack make confessions to each other that you probably shouldn’t.

Cheered Up

After Gazebo festival is cancelled, you find a way to cheer Jack up.

Met Gala 2024

You and Jack attend the Met Gala, except not together, technically.

We're Going To Atlanta

You find out if you were accepted to a college in Georgia, something that needed to happen for your parents to let you move to Atlanta with Jack after high school.

Bonnie & Clyde - A Scalvo Fic

You and Scalvo are partners in crime, but what happens when a robbery doesn’t go as planned?

By My Side

Despite his team's wishes, Jack has no desire to portray being single to his audience early on in his career. He wants you and your future daughter to be by his side through every step. You come in to meet his team, and bond with Neelam.

Insta AU’s

Date Night

My Girl

Paisley’s Pregnancy & Birth Announcement 

Olive’s Pregnancy & Birth Announcement

Christmas Trees & Gingerbread Houses

Valentine’s Day

Baby #3 Pregnancy Announcement

[hammettsandwich]

hii! could you do bestfriend reader and kirk where its her birthday and they are having drinks outside at midnight and kirk drunkenly confesses his love for her and kisses her? thank you!

first fic.. I feel like this is bad

Birthday Surprise

Today was a special day, at least it was to me. It was my birthday, and I got to spend it with some of my friends at the bar.

Since it was Saturday night the bar was packed with people. There was loud music, smoke from the cigarettes people were smoking, and I could hear champagne corks popping. Although I wasn't focused on any of that, I was looking for my best friend Kirk.

I was navigating my way through the crowd of people while trying not to spill my martini. Some of my friends stopped me to tell me happy birthday. I smiled and thanked them before continuing the search.

I made it to a not so crowded area of the bar and scanned the area for him. The red lights in the bar weren't helping. Eventually I spotted Kirk sitting down at a booth, chugging down drink after drink. I quickly made my way over to him.

I sat down beside him. I placed my purse on the booths table and smiled. "Kirk! Ive been looking for you!" I carefully set my drink down onto the table.

He lifted his head and drunkenly smiled, "Well you found me.. Happy birthday by the way."

"Well thank you.." I took a small sip of my martini. Kirk still had that drunk smile on hid face. "How much did you drink?"

"..I dunno." I raised my eyebrow, but ignored it.

Minutes of me ranting passed by but he seemed distracted. He kept taking sips from his glass.

"And then what happened was.. Kirk are you even listening to-" I was then cut off by him.

"I like you. A lot." He blurted it out. My face immediately turned red. He was drunk, maybe he didn't mean it?

"Excuse me?"

"The minute I met you, I fell in love.."

"What..?" I was embarrassed and kind of shocked that he said it out of nowhere. I was also quite happy he said that.. I liked him too. I have for a while.

As I opened my mouth to speak again I felt his lips press against mine. I flinched slightly but I gave in. I scooted closer to him, seconds later I broke the kiss. "You like me? You- You've been liking me for that long?"

Kirk softly nodded, he still had his drunk smile. I giggled before pulling him back in for another kiss.

"You should've told me earlier.. I like you too yknow?"

was that good guys I thought it was good idk its 2am 🦔

[pwblant]

SUNDAE STOP — l.ant

┊a/n : hey riizeblr, here’s an approx. 670 word fic that i wrote at 2am because i couldn’t stop thinking about the anton sundae photo up there 👆 he looks so bf 😕 (p.s., anton and yn keep slipping, REALLY REALLY bad actors 🫡) reblogs and feedback are highly appreciated <3 enjoy!!!

┊warnings : maybee just the couple moments but other than that there’s nothing that you should be afraid of pookie 🫰🫰

it’s a quiet saturday afternoon just a few days ‘till Christmas, you and anton are strolling leisurely through the mall with some of your old friends from your hometown. you’ve all known each other for years, but since you and anton both moved away to study at a different school, it’s been a while since you all last got together. as expected, the catch-up session was in full swing. everyone was sharing updates on their lives—what they’ve been up to, who’s in a relationship, and what new hobbies they’ve picked up—and you and anton were no exception. it was fun being with your closest friends after the longest time; there’s laughter, nostalgia, and pure happiness. 

but amidst all the fun, there is one thing that neither you nor anton have mentioned yet: that the two of you have been dating for the past 6 months. the idea of being teased by your friends was too much to handle, so you both decided to keep it a secret for now and instead tell them when the time is right.

“guys, let’s go to that sundae shop over there!” you beamed excitedly.

“hey now, aren’t you full? we just ate, bab—” anton began, but you cut him off as he unconsciously slipped his arm around your shoulders, earning collective side-eyes from your friends.

“i—um.. guys, do you wanna go there?” you stammered, letting out an awkward laugh, anton’s arm instinctively finding its way to the back of his neck as he realized how suspicious you both looked.

“sure! ice cream sounds so good right now.” your friend replied.

you thank the heavens above because it seemed your friends brushed off what had just happened. with an exaggerated sigh of relief, you all entered the sundae shop.

the others ordered quickly, and it was just the two of you left who haven’t chosen what to order. standing in front of the counter, you scanned the menu, eyes lighting up at the words “sundae skyscraper.” you quickly glanced up at anton, who was standing next to you, and reported what you’d just found. 

“can we share this? pleaaasee i really want it.” you happily ask, batting your eyelashes at him in a playful manner. “it’ll make me the happiest girl in the world.” 

a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, despite his best effort to suppress it. “i’m not falling for your persuading techniques,” he says, though he was already reaching into his wallet to pay.

“you’re the best!” you exclaimed, letting out a soft, triumphant squeal as you moved to hug him. you almost leaned in for a kiss right then and there but quickly remembered that you were trying to keep your relationship a secret. you awkwardly pulled back and glanced at the group, only to find them already staring at you both, smirking knowingly.

“hey anton lee, you’re on a roll! buy a sundae for me next?”one of your friends shouted from the table, and the others laughed, chiming in.

anton’s smile falters, “hell no, i'm not thaat generous, man! we’re sharing this!” playfully rolling his eyes at them.

after paying, you tried to walk back to the group’s table as casually as possible, but their knowing grins made it clear to you that there was no point in trying anymore.

“fine, we’re dating” you sighed as you plopped down next to anton, announcing it like the world’s greatest myster had just been solved. 

“yea…. we figured so.” the friend sat next to you said as she let out a little chuckle.

you talk about your relationship—all about how you met, how he confessed, and how long you’ve been together, expecting at least some teasing or dramatic reactions from your friends. instead, they just nodded, as if it was no big deal—like they'd known all along. there wasn’t a single eyebrow raised, no teasing remarks, just a quiet acceptance. if you’d known it would be this easy and stress-free, you would’ve outed your relationship the first chance you got.

you let out a big sigh, “alright, now that that’s out of the way, i'm going to devour this sundae.”

[lehguru]

SATURDAY NIGHTS + NAGI SEISHIRO

'cause i care, i care about you

there's nowhere i'd rather be

than right here right around you

i care, i care about you

nagi loves to play games until late during his break, but he loves you more

word count: 803

warnings: thank u @mars-yknow for beta reading! ily bby ♡♡; gender neutral reader, slight best friends to lovers, nagi is a lil simp + requests are open ! check pinned post for requesting rules

‘you up?’

the text lit up his phone screen and made a loud ping echo through the speaker. his dark eyes switched quickly from the game in front of him to the device, your contact name making him want to grab the phone immediately. the game turned red, his teammates complaining about his death. after muting himself and taking his headphones off, seishiro opened up your text. as nonchalantly as he could, he typed back.

‘yea. u good?’

he noticed the time. 2AM. if you were texting him, something bad must’ve happened. he came back to playing, but his eyes often flicked to his phone again, anxiety building up in his chest. at the exact moment he won the match and the player of the game started to appear, you replied:

‘i’m good. had a nightmare tho’

that was everything he needed to hear. he got up from his pink chair – chosen by you – and picked up his coat, running from his bedroom and into the living room. while he was putting on his shoes, he texted you that he was coming to your house.

and he did.

less than ten minutes after he last texted and saw your messages, the white haired male was in front of your door, knocking softly on the wood. you opened it, your sleepy eyes meeting his own; as you allowed him inside your home, you murmured.

“you didn’t have to come.” he let out a soft hum while taking off his shoes. “i didn’t want to disturb your gaming, i know you missed it.”

he wanted to tell you that you were more important than any videogame. he wanted to tell you that you were more important than his job as a professional soccer player. he wanted to tell you that he would leave anything and anyone for you, but everything that came out of his mouth was a weak “‘s cool”.

as if it was almost automatic, from the many many times he went to your place, his feet dragged him to your bedroom, you following him close behind. when he entered your room, a soft smile appeared on his lips. one of his hoodies was thrown on your bed – he assumed you were wearing it before he came – and the perfume you wear daily entered his nostrils; it was relaxing and he adored the soft scent. he threw his body on your chair, making you chuckle while you sat down on your bed.

“do you wanna talk ‘bout your nightmare?” he asked you, his black eyes scanning your expression. you blinked at him, your eyes heavy and slightly puffy, and shook your head. “aight. move over.”

he got up and kicked your leg with his foot, to emphasize his words. you moved to the side, expecting him to just sit down on your bed with you, but the boy pulled you to lay down with him. his arms quickly wrapped around your body, holding you close; he threw his leg over your hips as soon as you tried to squirm away from his grasp. even if he felt his heart racing at the thought of you that close, nagi managed to remain calm on the outside, his face looking at you with his usual neutral expression.

“sleep.” he murmured, his lips a little too close to your ear. you put your face against his neck, feeling the smell of his soap and his cologne slowly put you to sleep again.

you tried to deny it; you recalled reo saying that you and seishiro would get married in a couple of years, but you played it off as just a joke. you two were just really good friends. the way he looked at you told you something else.

his hand softly rubbing your back brought you back to reality. his fingertips softly traced your spine on top of the shirt you wore, rubbing circles when he got tired of the up and down movement. giggling, you whispered against his skin:

“what are you doing?"

with a chuckle of his own, seishiro answered: "what are ya doin'? sleep.”

you didn’t even know what got into you, but the words went past your lips before you could stop them.

“why did you come?” a sigh left your mouth and you pulled away from his neck. “‘m very grateful you’re here, but… we could’ve stayed texting. why did you come here?”

he looked into your eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. even if you couldn’t predict what he was thinking, there was something inside his raven irises that deeply shook you; your hand instinctively came up to hold his face and nagi leaned into your touch, closing his eyes.

“i will be here for anything you need. anytime.” with a soft yawn, he finished “i love you.”

2023 © content belongs to lehguru, but the characters used on them belong to their respective creators!!

[avenging-fandoms]

you felt so guilty fucking rafe cameron knowing that he had a girlfriend, but you craved his touch. rafe gave you exactly what you wanted and you couldn't get enough of him.

and he couldn't get enough of you.

"so, should i do the walk of shame back to my house?" you broke the silence, laughing.

"what? just stay here a little bit longer hm?" rafe replied, throwing a shirt back on, giving you a shirt to also put on.

"what if your girlfriend comes here? hm? what are you gonna do if that happens? hide me in your bathroom?"

he smirked, "that's not actually a bad idea, you know?"

you rolled your eyes at him, still in awe of how good he fucked you.

"i can just drive you home if you're so worried?" he'd lay back on his bed, smiling at you.

he'd cuddle up to you, wrapping himself around you, which made you smile and cuddled him back, you fell asleep since you felt so safe with him, but not realizing what you're getting yourself into with him.

you woke up again a few hours later and he drove you home, your mom was at work so she wouldn't question why you're wearing someone elses shirt. instead, you're getting texts from your friends, forgetting that they live across the road from you and saw rafe's car drop you off.

"why did rafe cameron just drop you off home?" your phone screen lit up, stressing you out.

you're gonna be in deep shit, considering you also have marks on your neck, you can't hide it from your best friends.

- 🧁

part one part two part three part four part five <- (you are here)

series playlist

--

The flat sheet draped over your naked body, your eyes fixed on the ceiling. He has a girlfriend, you made him cheat. You're a terrible person.

A terrible person who just had the best sex in existence. The way his hands fit perfectly against your body, his body pressing against yours and whispering your name. You wanted more.. you needed more.

Rafe looks at you, studying the shape of your body under his sheet, watching your nostrils as you catch your breath. He was pissed- you weren't wrapped around his finger but he was wrapped around yours.

"So.. should I do the walk of shame back to my house in my ripped shirt and bra or..?" You finally broke the silence with a chuckle, Rafe giving you a look as he stands up.

"What, am I that bad you don't want to hang out with me?" Rafe threw on a shirt and threw you one of his t-shirts. You slip on the shorts you put in your bag, sitting back on Rafe's bed.

Rafe put on a pair of khakis and sits next to you, both of you leaning back against the pillows. "Well, what if your girlfriend wants to surprise you? What would you do, hide me in the bathroom behind the shower curtain?"

Rafe smirked, eyes flickering over your face. "That's not a bad idea, princess. Should we practice?"

You roll your eyes, pushing his bicep which only made you think of biting his arm while he repeatedly smacked his hips into yours. You had never had someone fuck you like Rafe did, and it was such a bad thing. You craved him every second he's not touching you, and he has a fucking girlfriend.

"Do you just want me to drive you home, Miss Paranoid? I won't be offended" He moved his hands to behind his head, scooting his body down a bit to get comfortable. His shirt came up a bit, and you saw the body part you did a line off of.

Rafe turned his body to face you and engulfed you in his body, a smile creeping up on your face. "Rafe Cameron is a cuddler?"

"Who isn't?" He mumbles into your arm and you laugh, laying your head on his bicep and draping your arm over his ribs. Your eyes felt heavy as you inhaled his scent in slow breaths, everything about him made you feel safe.

Fuck.

-

Your body jolted a bit as you woke up, the sun shining into your eyes. You groan and turn your body, pushing back into Rafe's front. "I don't usually sleep in on Saturdays" He said in his morning voice, and you mentally orgasmed.

"Well when you pick someone up at 2am and fuck them for a few hours, you sorta get tired" You reply and he chuckles, kissing your neck. You sit up and go to the bathroom, freshening yourself up and damning Rafe for the hickeys on your neck, collar bone, chest and thighs.

"Ready to go home, princess?" He pops his head into the bathroom where you stood in just your underwear and bra as you inspected your body. Rafe smirked as he admired his work, whereas you burned holes into him.

You got dressed and grabbed your stuff, heading to Rafe's Jeep. Rafe played his music softly, the warm Summer morning making you want to fall asleep again. Rafe pulled into your driveway and you popped out, grabbing your bag.

"Am I going to see you tonight?" Rafe asked and you leaned over the door, smiling.

"Ask your girlfriend" You walk inside, watching as Rafe pulls away with a smile. You break out into a fit on smiles and soft screeches, happy your mom was at work so she didn't walk in on you acting crazy.

Your phone was buzzing like crazy, and you smirk to yourself thinking it was Rafe and him telling you how much he missed you. Your stomach dropped as you saw your friend group chat blowing up.

Ava: Why was Rafe Cameron at your house?? Isabella: His jeep is very recognizable Isabella: WE NEED ANSWERS DAMN IT

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

How could you forget that they live across the street? It's not like they haven't lived there for your whole life. Your thumbs wave over your keyboard, thinking of a very good but convincing lie.

Yn: don't be mad Yn: i went to go see alex

Ava: YN WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

Yn: i said don't be mad! Yn: so we started hooking up and he gave me all these hickeys and kept saying 'you're all mine' and blah blah blah and i left his car cause i didn't believe him Yn: he got out and tried to get me to talk in the car but rafe was at the package store next to where we were Yn: he heard alex's voice raise and came to help me. he let me spend the night because i didn't want to be alone and mom's working a long shift

Ava: Did you fuck Rafe?

Yes.

Yn: NO!!! never!!!!

Ava: Lame. Stop being a goody two shoes and fuck him Ava: But on a serious note, I'm sorry Alex is the biggest douche in the world

Isabella: I hope what happened helped you get closure in getting over him

Yn: yeah, i'm definitely over alex

All because you got under Rafe.

[practicingsmut]

Hot To Go!

yunjin x reader, 1.1k words, sorry for going MIA for like a month and a half I've been busy working on my novel that releases next week, hopefully after all that's died down I can work on more fun and pressure-free stuff like this

Working overnight shifts at the 24-hour diner you worked at wouldn’t be so bad if they’d stop sticking you with the outdoor tables. On top of the hot and humid summer night making you feel like a melting candle, the uneven pavement made it ten times harder to move around in the ridiculous roller skates they made the servers wear. Sure they were cute and matched the yellow vintage-looking mini dress that completed the uniform, but you’d rolled your ankles more than once checking on patrons and once you even witnessed your coworker accidentally spill a pitcher of water all over herself as her feet rolled out from under her.

Being a Saturday night with clear skies, you certainly had your work cut out for you for the majority of your shift. Things dropped off significantly around 3 in the morning, and now that it was just past 5am, the diner was nearly empty. You had one more group sitting in your section and with any luck it’d be your last seeing as your shift was over at 6.

Five girls sat around the table enjoying a loud and laughter filled night. They stumbled in around 2am, and it was clear from the way they were dressed that they had come from a fancy party or other similar event. They were all beautiful, but the one sitting closest to the door you used to enter and exit the patio area caught your eye. She wore a sparkly blue strapless dress and you were pretty sure her friends had referred to her as Yunjin.

“Alright, here’s the check you guys asked for. Anything else I can get for you?” you said as you skated back over to their table. You had to make a conscious effort not to stare at Yunjin, though your eyes were drawn to her as she spoke up. Thankfully she was too busy filling out the check to see the way your face reddened as you looked at her.

“No thank you, and here, you can put this on my card.” Her fingers grazed yours as she handed it to you and you could swear that her touch was electric. Still trying to avoid eye contact, you instead looked at her dazzling smile when she looked up at you.

Feeling ridiculous, your shook yourself out of your stupor and assured her that you’d be right back with her card before skating back to the diner door, moving with extra caution to avoid tripping and falling. That would be just your luck - embarrassing yourself royally just because a pretty girl looked at you and touched your hand.

You were only gone a few minutes running the card through the register, but when you returned only Yunjin was at the table; the other four girls were nowhere to be seen.

“Your friends ditch you after you paid for them?” you said, hoping your light hearted tone would make it clear you were joking.

Yunjin looked up from her phone and chuckled. “They’re waiting in the car.”

You nodded and handed her back her card. Even after it was put away in her bag, the both of you seemed to linger a moment, hesitating for some unknown reason. Yunjin was the one to break the silence.

“Would it be forward of me to ask what time your shift ends? And if it’s not too forward… would it be okay for me to come back then?” Even in the low light of the patio you could see her cheeks tinged pink, probably matching your own.

You shook your head as you checked your watch. “I’ve got about half an hour until I can get out of here, and I’d love to see you then.”

“Great,” Yunjin said with a sigh, seeming to have been holding her breath.

With a little half wave she excused herself to go drive her friends home, turning back to look at you for a moment when she reached the end of the patio. It was only once she was out of sight that you let out your breath. The next half an hour could not pass quickly enough.

Luckily for you, no one else came in and you were able to change out of your uniform and clock out from your shift on time - a few minutes early, even. That was how, at precisely 6:15am, you ended up two buildings over in a dark but surprisingly clean alleyway with your pants and underwear around your ankles and Yunjin’s face between your legs.

After what felt like eons of her eating you out like you were the last meal she was ever going to get, Yunjin pulled her mouth away from your cunt. Her lips glistened in the dim light and you were tempted to make a joke about how heavy she was breathing, but all you could do was gasp as her thumb began rubbing small circles on your clit.

“I’m not usually one to ask out a random pretty girl I see, but I’m so glad I did this time,” she whispered. You couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh.

“You know, I can’t say that I disagree with that.”

And then her tongue was on you again, tracing lines through your folds before teasing your hole with its tip - all the while her thumb was still working its magic on your clit. It only took a few more minutes before you were reaching your climax. You felt bad for how hard your hands were gripped in Yunjin’s hair, but with how tightly your whole body clenched before release you weren’t sure you could stop yourself.

Once you had ridden out your high against her face, Yunjin gently pulled your clothing back up before standing, taking a moment to adjust her dress before looking around a bit.

“Are you alright?” you asked.

“I’m just looking for something to clean my mouth,” she answered with a sheepish giggle. How she could still be shy after giving you that great of an orgasm, you didn’t know.

“Here, let me get it,” you offered. You pulled her over to you, but instead of using your sleeve to clean her off like she expected, you just pulled her into a kiss. It was odd tasting yourself on someone else’s lips, but you had wanted to kiss her so badly that you didn’t mind.

This time you were both breathing heavily when you pulled apart. You attempted to take a little bit of control in the situation, sliding your hand over the curve of her ass and playing with the hem that had ridden up. Then suddenly all of Yunjin’s weight was pressing you against the wall, her thigh coming up to put pressure against your now clothed but still sensitive core.

“You know, I don’t think I’m quite done with my meal yet,” she started, a sly grin on her face. “Do you think I could take it to go?”

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

“An Enemy of the People” + Meeting Matt Smith a THIRD time(?!?!)

I saw Matt Smith last night in his play, “An Enemy of the People” in London and I’m still super overwhelmed by it all, especially as I was up at 6:45am for work before I went to the show AND I ended up not getting home until 5am, but to sum up my experience last night with Matt:

I was sat in row A, which is the third row from the stage behind AA and BB, so I was SUPER close to the stage

THEY HAD A REAL DOG (German Shepherd/Alsatian I think?) ON STAGE IN SOME SCENES OMG OMG OMG I LOVED THIS SCENE STEALER

Matt was absolutely incredible, he had a full on like 5 minute monologue where he was shouting into a microphone about capitalism and the rot of government etc, and there was utter silence the entire time

It then turned into an audience trauma dump of sorts because they had some microphones given to audience members to air their grievances with the government/system/society, it was incredibly powerful

The rest of the cast were amazing too of course

I was in the “splash” zone because there was a moment where the cast were along the sides next to the audience while Matt was on stage and then they threw paint-filled balloons at him, and when they hit him they exploded so we had to have tarp pulled up over us just before it happened because the paint would have hit us

Matt has a DILF belly and I am 100% for it, at one point he lifted the bottom of his shirt to wipe the paint from his eyes and I nearly died

After the show, I went to stage door to try and meet him - but because it was a Saturday night in London it was a nightmare and so he could only do quick signatures and no pictures with people

I DID get my program signed by Matt ☺️🫶🏻

Also one of the other cast members (Zachary Hart) was talking a lot to my friend just before Matt came outside and he turned, saw me, looked me over and then went “I like your shirt! 🙂” (I was wearing a TNBC check shirt)

After the show, I was with some friends I knew from Twitter who were also huge Matt fans, and we went to a pub that was down the road from the theatre after they had changed clothes… and Matt and the cast were there?!?

Matt brushed up against me twice when he was going to/coming back from the bar and I nearly passed out like one of my friends had to take me outside because I was hyperventilating

(This is also an autistic thing though that’s unrelated to Matt because it was super packed and loud and hot in the pub)

After the pub closed, my friend said the bar in her hotel would be open until 2 so we went there, left our stuff in her room, and then we went down to the bar… and Matt and the cast were there too?!?

I’m genuinely not joking, we were NOT stalking him, we had talked about going to pub days ago and - as I said - one of my friends was literally staying at that hotel and the bar there was the closest one still open. To be honest, I was feeling anxious at this point because I was terrified Matt would see us and recognise us but also I was freaking out because I wanted to talk to him so bad as I didn’t get the chance at the stage door during the chaos

It’s a bar where they have music playing, like at a club, but there’s no dancing and they sit you at tables and take your drinks orders, and we were two tables away from the cast

Zachary walked past and said hello to one of my friends again, because he recognised them from earlier, and he grinned/shouted hello back when we waved and said hello

Matt walked past us and the friend mentioned above and I shouted hello at him and waved, but I didn’t want to bother him by going up to him because 1) it was nearly 2am, 2) I didn’t want him to be weirded out or think we were stalking him, and 3) I ’m 99% sure he was drunk because he’d been hanging about in the pub and then the bar for a total of four hours 💀 anyway, Matt smiled and shouted hello back

My friends went outside the hotel to smoke after the bar closed (I was the only one out of a group of 5 who didn’t smoke 😭) and the cast came out to leave, and one of my friends asked him for a picture but his co-worker Jessica Brown-Findlay apparently got mad at her and said “no, we are not doing that”. Matt was super nice to her though and said she looked great, and “know we love you!” before he left

(Side note: one of the other friends thinks Jessica was pissed off because when we were outside the pub earlier, her husband asked my friends for a cigarette and were chatting to him while they smoked (I was there under an umbrella absolutely freezing my tits off lol) and they said it might be a possessive thing? To be genuinely honest, none of us had any clue it was her husband even when he said “oh yeah my wife Jessie is in a play down the road”, like it genuinely didn’t click for any of us that he was talking about Jessica, and he approached us for a cigarette, not the other way around)

Unrelated to Matt but still relevant to understanding the night/my feelings:

I was very exhausted because I started my new job yesterday morning, was up at 6:45am because my dad insisted on dropping me off at 8am despite me not starting until 9, I was on my feet the whole day, I didn’t have time to run home and change so I had to do my make up on the train (luckily my uniform was given to me in the morning so I was able to wear my evening clothes, change into work clothes and then change back at the end of the day), my feet were super sore and blistered because I was wearing brand new trainers from work that didn’t fit properly… yeah. Anyway.

(Side note: I LOVE my new job so much, I am not complaining about it at all, it was amazing, it’s just unfortunate scheduling that I started on the same day I had the ticket for the play)

I missed my last tube and my last train home (last train was at 1am) and ended up having to borrow money to get a taxi to Piccadilly station from the hotel, at which point it was 3am and I was feeling very exhausted AND also emotional

There were issues with the tube because of the weather and so I had to wait an extra 30 minutes while also needing to pee and suffering from exhaustion, didn’t get on a tube until about 3:30? 3:40?

I think I was crying at one point after leaving the hotel because when I got to the tube station to wait for a train, a woman also waiting came to check on me and asked why I had been crying

I kept on dozing off on the tube between stops, and I’m very lucky I didn’t get robbed to be honest (probably because I had my bag on my lap and an arm resting over it)

I ended up in South Ealing at 4:15am, and I knew if I got a bus I wouldn’t be getting to the nearest town to me until 5am (and I still wouldn’t have been home) so I decided “fuck it, I’m spending £27 on an Uber I guess”

I fell asleep in the Uber and the driver was pretty annoyed about it, I ended up getting home at 5am - somehow I was able to remove the rest of my make up, message my friends to tell them I was home safe, get in my PJs and climb into bed

Here’s some photos of the stage before the play started, Matt at the end of the play (covered in paint), and Matt at stage door

(I did NOT take photos or videos of him in the pub or bar, because I want to respect his privacy 🙂🫶🏻 I am also NOT going to share the name of the pub or hotel/bar, not because I want to gatekeep or anything, but because of privacy and out of respect)

[arospecbandgeek]

The sillies have consumed me.

Give me your BlaireCrash + FlameBomb Hcs, and DONT hold back.

I haven't even posted abt FlameBomb yet, I guess your Hcs will be the first.

Take a spinning Ramsey as Payment :3333

“don’t hold back” “alr” writes a whole fucking essay worth at 2am

tw: SA, Abuse, Eating Disorders

Blairecrash + Flamebomb HCs

Blairecrash (Blaire x Fred)

The two met through tutoring. Blaire was failing history. Fred wanted to make some extra money.

Eventually some of the side talk turned into actual conversation, befriending each other.

Fred caught feelings first. Blaire was completely oblivious to this.

The two actually got together through a drunken confession. Fred picked up Blaire after she went to a bad party and was too intoxicated to drive.

He even carried her to the front door. Until she confessed. Then Fred dropped her in the grass out of shock.

Fred will make fun of his girlfriend for being “short” even though it’s only by a couple inches.

In reverse, Blaire will make fun of Fred for being less athletic than her.

Fred is teaching Blaire how to draw.

Blaire spoils Fred. A lot. Many of their dates are just shopping sprees.

Fred sucks at dancing. During homecoming, he was completely embarrassing. Blaire would roll her eyes and keep going anyway.

Would 100% fit that “He asked for no pickles!” meme.

Blaire has an entire crying fit whenever the dog dies in movies. No matter how many times Fred has to explain it’s just fiction, she’ll cry even harder.

Blaire’s favorite thing ever is My Little Pony. Any and all generations (Except the 5th one, ew). She keeps this a complete secret. No one knows except for Fred (who probably found out by opening one of her closets and seeing 300 toys)

She feels welcome to talk about My Little Pony, and even wake up early to watch reruns or play with some of the toys.

Fred doesn’t judge her for it. Finds it a bit weird, but loves her enough to go along with it.

Angst

Tanner McCroy is an abusive ex boyfriend of Blaire’s.

She was sextorted by him for a year or so. Blaire essentially did anything he wanted.

After Tanner got “bored” of her, they broke up and she was finally able to find someone else.

When Fred realized what happened, it made him angry. A type of angry that he’d never felt up until that day.

So angry that he got into his first school fight for it, punching Tanner square in the jaw.

The effects of Tanner never fully went away. Blaire developed PTSD from the events.

Fred wanted to do something, but beating up Tanner over and over again wasn’t going to fix the bottom line.

The only thing he could really do was be there to support her. No matter what.

Flamebomb (Flamethrower x Valeri)

less bc i don’t know val like that and i don’t want to get it wrong 😭

Val is a night owl and Flame is an early bird (Due to his practices being so early in the morning). This causes the following to happen:

On Friday nights, Flame will tend to fall asleep doing anything extraneous/ comfy past 1am. This tends to happen during cuddling. Val finds that adorable.

Speaking of cuddling, sometimes Flame plain sleeps on top of his girlfriend. On accident. Not in a cute cuddly way, but taking up half the bed type of way. Val refuses to move, making productive things more difficult. For example her trying to type on her phone would produce gibberish.

They go on mini crime sprees as dates sometimes. The occasional fire starts.

Like Blairecrash, they sometimes also wake up early to watch Saturday Morning Cartoons and rather cereal in bed, albeit different ones.

Angst

Tanner was also an ex of Val. The situation didn’t get as far as Blaire’s, but Val was SA’d.

Flame feels similar about Tanner as Fred does.

When Flamethrower witnessed Valeri’s bulimia first hand, his heart dropped into his stomach.

He tried to stay calm when confronting her about it, staying completely passive and not blaming her for anything. After a couple minutes of her being out of view he completely shut down.

Flame wished she didn’t have to suffer like that. That he could just snap his fingers and make her healthy again. That she’d just be okay. But things didn’t work like that. Things were much more complicated.

Bonus - Double Date HCs

These mostly get planned by Fred and Flame since they’re closer.

Despite being somewhat the opposite of each other, Blaire and Val get along very well.

Their first double date was to a laser tag game.

Everyone got really competitive.

For extra competition, Fred and Flame were on one team, and Blaire and Val were on another.

Fred is actually really good at laser tag, causing Blaire to get targeted and shot multiple times. Because of that, Blaire “swore revenge” on him.

That essentially just means stealing the food off his plate later on.

^ Val actual ended up doing this to Flame. He got flustered and this was all he could think about for the rest of the day.

After, they went to go pick up something to eat.

It took a million years for them to figure something out since no one was craving anything but was also picky of where they wanted to eat.

They ended up choosing a fast food joint. (Taiga Country’s In & Out equivalent)

Blaire ate half of Fred’s fries.

Unrelated to this, I’d like to think they went on another date where Val blew something up. She would go:

“Whoopsies! Well, anyways….”

And then Blaire would stare at the fire like this

[noxtms]

❝       KISS THEIR SINGLE LIFE GOODBYE ! join us for the respective bach bashes honoring pansy parkinson & marcus flint on saturday, the 21st of december, all kicking off at 4pm ! your official invite will outline your plans for the day as well as the expected dress code - hint : just this once, there'll be plenty of white ! the happy couple are registered on diagon alley for gifts in advance of their december 25th wedding. rsvp by december 16th to blaise zabini or adrian pucey and include in your note if you have any special dietary requirements !      ❞

WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE :  

PANSY'S CELEBRATION : starts off at 4pm sharp with spa treatments at boils & bubbles on diagon alley ! guests are welcome to their choice of 3 from an extensive list of services, so long as they make sure to be wrapped up in time for their 6:30pm booking at le lieu royal, a high end restaurant a few doors down that serves expensive french food, all with the kind of names that are difficult for a non native speaker to pronounce. the plan is to take in a three course meal and then hit amortentia, a popular wixen nightclub just up the road where man of honor blaise zabini has so graciously offered to foot the bill, as long as pansy considers it her wedding gift. what looks to be a rather cramped stone building from the outside is, actually, a space that contains over a dozen themed rooms all charmed by madam amare and renovators to be upwards of twice their previous size. each room has its own theme and comes complete with its own cocktail menu, too. there's a caberet room, a muggle speakeasy, a bubblegum pink love room that pumps tiny amounts of amortentia potion out through hidden vaporisers, a mirror room, a dance floor surrounded by strobe lights, a classy rooftop lounge and, of course, a handful of vip areas that come with their own private djs and door security - one of those is where pansy's bachelorette is being held, though guests are free to wander. amortentia is the kind of place that doesn't really feel real, so wix better be careful stepping out for a smoke break or a breath of fresh air. if they rub off the bright pink stamp at the back of their hand, shaped like a vial of their namesake potion, they won't be getting back inside.

MARCUS'S CELEBRATION : kicks off at 4pm, too, though marcus opted to arrange finger food at wixen casino located on knockturn alley over spa treatments or expensive dinners ! combining their early night activity with the soakage that one needs for a heavy night of drinking ensured that their night got to start as soon as possible, and at 7:30pm, they and their guests already appropriately tipsy from bottomless drinks, they plan to move to the poison apple. poison, as its nicknamed, has gotten a fairly bad rep since an unfortunate accident a few years ago saw some undisclosed potions end up in their cocktail offerings, but it's still a mighty fun time. marcus and their group have the main club room all to themselves, complete with a special cocktail menu and a local dj, though it's much less 'boutique' than amortentia, over on diagon alley.

someone told them once that any good bach bash continues well into the next day, and marcus is deadset on that being their experience of their 'final night of freedom' - poison might close its doors at 2am and expect them out by half past, but the party only continues at the falmouth falcons player house. the huge mansion on the coast of cornwall where marcus & the other teammembers live at full time is what you'd expect of a sportsteams glorified frat house but has plenty of booze and plenty of speakers to make sure that the fun just DOESN'T stop.

BOTH : have a dress code requiring their guests to wear predominately white so that their black attire - for 'mourning' their single lives - really pops !

OUT OF CHARACTER:

this mini event starts with the posting of this message and will end one week from now on december 26th, with the wedding itself kicking off pretty directly after !

all threads are to be confined to the discord, as this is not an on dash event. feel free to continue your ongoing dash threads as normal ! 

it's up to you whether your character would attend or not, but don't feel too caught up on the 'believability' side of things - keep in mind that pansy & marcus are both kind of unlikable people and if left to their own devices, probably wouldn't have anyone involved at all ! it'd be enough for you to just say your character is also confused by their invite but playing along for the sake of a free meal / free night on the town, but if you want to establish a more solid reason for their attendance, feel free to either shoot a message to myself or ziggy or make something up ! both are fairly large events, and the guest list hasn't been curated by them, specifically. it'll include plenty of people they don't even really play nice with, and it's also fine to say that there's plenty of plus one's, too ! everyone's welcome, no one is required.

you can find a channel over on the discord for bach party outfits, with the dress code set in place for both being predominately white outfits for guests and black for the couple !

if you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to message the main, and please like this post once you’ve read it ! 

[https-harlow]

Jack Harlow Masterlist

Series

Lips Of An Angel

You and Jack struggle with the ups and downs of your toxic relationship until you both realize you don’t want anyone else.

Fight The Feeling Prologue

You and Jack meet at a MET gala after party, and slowly fall in love while maintaining your career as a model and his career as a rapper. You keep your whirlwind romance a secret from the public and most of your friends, until Jack makes a mistake he will always regret.

Fight The Feeling

You and Jack get paired up to be in a fake relationship after keeping your real relationship and break up a secret.

I Should Be Missing You

You and Jack deal with the consequences of falling out of love while you are married. Your divorce brings you closer to Urban while Jack tries to decide if he wants you back.

Mixed Emotions

Even though they grew up together, Gabriella and Jack hated each other. As they grow older, their relationship progresses from enemies, to friends enemies with benefits. Until feelings other then hatred get involved.

Single Hearts

Jack Harlow and Sage Taylor have one thing in common: they suffered from failed relationships that they thought would last forever. After crossing paths at an amusement park, Jack missed the chance to catch her name, or so he thought. Fate had them in mind when their kids had a school concert, and they crossed paths again. After exchanging names and numbers, Jack and Sage couldn’t help but feel giddy. Could this be the beginning of something that will last a lifetime?

Drive Safe

Savannah knew she meant nothing to Jack. Sure, he saw her as someone he could rely on when he wanted someone to have sex with. Maybe he’d even consider her a friend because he didn’t want to introduce her as “the girl he fucks”, especially to his parents. That never stopped Savanah from wishing she was something more in Jack’s life even though she could never tell Jack that. She knew he would eventually hurt her, but you can’t change someone if you don’t even try. She also knew that she would get butterflies every time he told her to drive safe.

All of my Jack Harlow Fics (oldest to newest)

Saturday Night Live

The reader is a very famous actress, has been since they were a child. Jack has been very open about his crush. The reader ends up hosting Saturday Night Live the same week Jack is the musical guest.

An Evening I Will Not Forget Part 2

Jack and the reader had been friends as long as they could remember, eventually turning into boyfriend and girlfriend in high school. Until several years later when their relationship fell apart and they had to continue their lives without each other.

Missed You

Jack shows up at your house at 2am because he missed you.

Proposal

Jack takes reader on a helicopter ride in Kentucky or Miami and he proposes afterword it’s at night by the way and urban and everyone set the scene for when they land back at the helipad.

Protect You

Jack wants to keep you and him a secret to protect you and him from the media but it lowkey hurts u. Like let’s say you guys are walking back to ur hotel one night and then he sees paparazzi and instantly drops your hand and your trying to not let it bother u but when he looks up at you after dropping ur hand you have tears in your eyes and he feels bad.

Settle Down

Jack wants to settle down, but you think he should continue to focus on his career.

Mini-Me

Paisley’s first dance recital, where you find out that she truly is a mini-Jack, and Jack, you, Paisley, and Olive start a new tradition.

The Early Years

You met Urban in middle school, which eventually led you to meeting Jack in high school. Urban saw how much you two liked each other before either you or Jack did, eventually setting you two up. Causing you to realize your feelings and make your relationship official shortly after.

Paisley's First Word

You and Jack had been trying to get Paisley to say mama or dada as her first word, but when Urban returns from a trip her first word isn’t what any of you expected.

Pumpkin Patch

Taking Paisley and Olive to a pumpkin patch.

Taking Care Of You

All Jack wants to do while you’re pregnant with your first daughter, Paisley, is take care of you even if it’s something small like putting lotion on your belly. You and Jack also start to celebrate Jack’s birthday with your tradition of giving each other gifts at midnight, though this time it is a matching gift. Jack can’t sleep and ends up talking to Paisley while you’re asleep.

Gentle

Paisley watches how Jack interacts with you during your pregnancy with Olive, and with Paisley being Jack’s mini me, it only makes sense that she copies him.

After Party

Jack and the reader would rather spend the after party alone then with others.

Keeping Secrets Part 2

You decide to tell Urban about your relationship with Jack, but he doesn’t respond in the way you thought he would.

Halloween Costumes

Paisley and Olive pick out their Halloween costumes, along with yours, Jack’s, Urban’s, and Clay’s.

That's Not My Daddy

Paisley and Olive see Jack in his wigs for Saturday Night Live for the first time and Olive refuses to believe it is him.

I'm Not Jealous, Just Protective

You and Jack go out to a club when a guy approaches you to hit on you and Jack gets jealous.

I Love You Because

You are struggling after giving birth to your second daughter Olive between feeling overwhelmed and dealing with the changes that happened to your body during your pregnancies, while also comparing yourself to some of the girls in Jack’s music videos. Jack reassures you that he loves everything about you.

Christmas Date

Knowing Christmas was your favorite holiday, Jack planned a Christmas inspired day for the two of you, decorating your Christmas Tree, watching Christmas movies, looking at Christmas lights, wanting to make your first Christmas as a couple and living together special, then on Christmas you exchange gifts.

Meeting Santa

You and Jack take Paisley and Olive to meet Santa.

Christmas Eve

How you and Jack spend Christmas Eve with Paisley and Olive.

Christmas Morning

Christmas morning with the family and you and Jack, with Clays help, surprise Paisley and Olive with a special present.

Elf Emergency

Olive accidentally touches the Elf on a shelf and Paisley is afraid the elf is going to lose its magic.

24 Hours With Jack Harlow

Based off the Vogue 24 Hours With Jack Harlow video.

I Should Be Missing You

You and Jack deal with the consequences of falling out of love while you are married.

New Sibling Reactions

You and Jack tell Paisley and Olive about their new sibling, except Olive isn’t ready to be a big sister.

Touring & Pregnancy Tests

Towards the end of the Come Home The Kids Miss You tour, you and Jack find out you’re pregnant with baby number 3.

Aren't You Nervous?

How you and Jack find out you are pregnant with your first born, Paisley.

Memories

You and Jack take Paisley and Olive to the park you went to a lot while dating, where they ask you questions about your relationship.

Baby Brother Or Baby Sister

You and Jack tell Paisley and Olive if they are getting a baby brother or a baby sister.

Officially Outnumbered

You give birth to your and Jack's third baby. Paisley and Olive meet their little brother.

First Concert

You and Jack take Paisley to the Eras tour, which happens to be their first concert other then watching Jack preform.

Pool Day

You, Jack, Paisley, Olive, and Hayden spend a day in the pool.

Christmas Day

You, Jack, Paisley, Olive, and Hayden celebrate Christmas.

10 Years Later

You and Jack felt like your family was complete after four kids, but you start thinking about having a fifth baby.

She's Totally Flirting With You

Jack gets hit on by a waitress, though he thinks she's just being nice, Paisley and Olive come to your defense to convince Jack she's flirting with him.

First Time Parents (Paisley's birth fic)

You give birth to you and Jack's first daughter, Paisley.

We're Doing Something Right

You and Jack catch Paisley and Olive trying to make sure Hayden falls asleep.

Cheered Up

After Gazebo festival is cancelled, you find a way to cheer Jack up.

Met Gala 2024

You and Jack attend the Met Gala, except not together, technically.

Insta AU’s

Date Night

My Girl

Paisley’s Pregnancy & Birth Announcement 

Olive’s Pregnancy & Birth Announcement

Christmas Trees & Gingerbread Houses

Valentine’s Day

Baby #3 Pregnancy Announcement

Concepts

[imabee-oralizard]

Dude I hate my mom

like I’m almost having a panic attack and she can’t even tell(or doesn’t care) and then everything she’s doing is making it worst

Like today our friends from Texas was coming down to stay at our apartment for a couple days cause we haven’t moved in. And if anyone remembered me past ranting this is the mom to the family where I tried to help and messed it up and now her daughters don’t talk to me. Well the mom and her friend came to stay here and the friend has a dog. And the whole day I’ve been worried that secretly the mom is annoyed at me for texting the daughter last year. And then the dog had fleas and one jumped on me. And for reference we had fleas before bad and got rid of them them during quarantine k got lice like 4-5 times and now I’m super paranoid about lice and fleas. And I told my mo l so she gave the dog a bath. And we were driving home then once we got home we dusted ourselves off as best we could. On the way home I found a flea on me so I killed it and threw it out the window. I told my mom I wanted to go in and take a shower right away, instead of getting the dogs from my brother. I texted me brother not to let them out. And then my mom told him it was fine while I was getting my Saturday ready to shower so then the dogs were by us. Then I realized I forgot her room key in the car and she’s taking forever to get upstairs then she has to brush her hair and put on deoterant cause she’s doing a delivery job soon. And as she’s taking forever I’m on the verge of a panic attack. Literally tears are coming out of my eyes and I’m trying to hide it. And she’s like okay no need for an attitude. And not seeming to care about the fleas. And this whole time I was worried cause we didn’t get home till 2am and I still had to take my medicine that helps with my headaches (also an anti-depressant)

And tomorrow I think we are going back to the apartment to go swimming. I wanna hang out with the family friend but I also hate swimming cause haha body issues plus now the fleas and my mom doesn’t seem to have gotten the hint at all even thought I feel I was being obvious about me like freaking out and on the verge of a breakdown

[blackbird-brewster]

Doom Them and I have a weekend routine where we eat breakfast at the table together on Saturday morning. We drink coffee, I read them any new fic I've written that week and then, we somehow always wind up having the most beautiful deep and meaningfuls.

This weekend we were listening to 'I am... Sasha Fierce' and I was talking about when that album came out, I was in the relationship with my first wife (but this was before we were married).

And I'd get off work at 2am, drive home listening to that album, then I'd park at the Target across from our apartment complex and just sob.

In the decade since that relationship fell apart, I have spent a lot of time down playing how bad it was. I often think it was only bad at the end of the six years I spent with my ex. But recovering my old LJ and just unlocking little forgotten memories has wildly changed my perspective

'But Kit, if you were SO miserable why did you spend six years with her? Why did you marry her?'

Because I didn't know it was a bad relationship when I was in it! I was young, she was only my second serious relationship and when we separated, I'd spent 1/4 of my entire life with her.

And back then, there were barely any queer relationships being representated in media. And the relationships we did see were written through a comphet or hypersexualised lens and they were also toxic af.

Representation matters so much.

Queer representation in media has come so far since I first came out nearly twenty years ago, it's not perfect, but god, at least it's not ALL horrific trauma porn and shit like Jenny Schecter being the world's most manipulative pisces ever, yanno?

Today we went to an event that was a conversation with four queer authors and it was all about the importance of writing queer joy. And god, it filled my cups to the brim.

Maybe if I'd seen healthy queer relationships, maybe if I'd have seen queer joy, I wouldn't have felt like there was something horribly wrong with me for not being happy in an extremely toxic and emotionally abusive relationship.

I think that's part of the reason why I love writing wholesome queer fic now. I want young people to know that you absolutely can find queer joy and happiness and healthy romantic relationships (if that's your vibe).

[beesinspades]

I got the booster almost a week ago and I still feel like absolute garbage trying to convince my stupid health anxiety that I'm not dying

got it on saturday, no side effects. sunday afternoon, only a very light headache. but then on monday morning I woke up and had numbness in my left arm and leg. I tried not to freak out because it happened to me last year because of stress except this time I wasn't stressed. didn't go away on tuesday. then on wednesday I went to the doctor for something else and also asked about it. she's sending me to a neurologist next week and the same evening I had a brain scan done just in case, waiting for results. up until then it was just the numbness. but then after that appointment of course i started getting worse anxiety over all this (up until then I was a little stressed but keeping it fairly under control) which as you know makes everything worse. since yesterday thursday i've been feeling worse. the numbness is always worse in the morning when I wake up, and then it gets better throughout the day. yesterday I managed to distract myself most of the day but also despite sleeping well I felt tired enough by 10:30am that I took a nap until noon, and at some point I felt unwell out of nowhere which set off my anxiety really bad. then it got better by the end of the day and I went to bed. I woke up at 2am to go to the toilet and felt absolutely horrible. I felt like I was low-key gonna pass out which again set off my anxiety and made the pressure on my upper chest so much worse, it took a while to calm it down. I thought I was gonna die. then I managed to fall asleep again and now I feel much better than earlier but I do feel a bit unwell still. maybe itll be a bit better after breakfast (though anxiety makes it harder to eat, I lose my appetite) I don't know if it's all the stress or if it's linked to whatever is wrong with me aka the numbness. which is thankfully not getting worse but is still there. this is the fucking worst I don't know what to do. every time I feel the slightest off thing in my body my anxiety latches on it

idk maybe it's not the booster but the timing is too perfect. this numbness thing is not unheard of but also it seems those it happened to had it much worse. either way I hate not knowing what's wrong. I think I'll go back to the doctor today if I can and if not I'm ready to go to the ER for the first time in my life which is terrifying and I'm afraid of being told it's just anxiety

oh also as a note a couple of days before the booster I had blood tests done and they all came out normal except for two small vitamin deficiencies that I'm now taking supplements for so idk idk