#double beans tonight

[ilikecarsandlike4people]

P3!🎖️

[yellowjestertfs]

Altered State: Part Two

This is the next part of the saga. Part One is available to read here. Part Three should be posted in a week. I love reading the comments so feel free to post any feedback or predictions.

Leon felt as if his flesh was melting. Furiously he scrolled through his notifications trying to determine the source of the intense pain wracking his body. 

There was the normal notification about stats that Leon expected at this point.

“You have reached level five. You receive attribute points based on your class: +3 Strength, +1 Charisma, +0.3 Intelligence.” 

Leon imagined if he wasn’t in so much pain he would feel the typical shifts in his body as his strength increased. 

There was another notification, a new one although not one that explained the pain either. 

“Juggernaut is an embodied class, as such at level five you gain a class ability.”

“Inner strength: At will, once every 115 seconds you can tap into your inner strength to gain a brief burst of, power, reflex, and athletic ability. Note: the cooldown of the ability equals 120 minus class level. Note: the potency of this ability scales with strength.”

The ability seemed amazing though Leon hardly had the mental facilities to think about the potential, or what exactly a embodied class was. Finally, the last notification explained the source of the all-consuming ache in his body.

“You have gained a class perk.”

“Metabolizer: your metabolisms is heightened to superhuman levels. Calories will no longer be stored as fat but instead burned for super-kinetic energy.” 

Tentatively Leon lifted his shirt. His mouth dropped open as he physically saw the flab on his stomach move and shift, slowly shrinking to reveal his abs. His body was eating its own fat stores like a yeast colony to sugar. His arms, his neck, his butt, he felt every part of his body acutely as the fat he had carried for so long was stripped away.

He pulled up his stats screen and watched his weight number slowly fall, past the 200-pound mark, past 190, then 180, then 170 until Leon’s weight came to rest at a puny 160 pounds, all in a matter of minutes.

Leon sat there dazed not sure what to feel about the rapid reformation of his body. Once the pain was gone he tentatively left the stall and approached the mirror above the sink. He had to do a double-take to make sure it was really him. He looked different, gaunt, like a bean pole. Veins were visible on his forearms, and the small abs and pecs he had built from his five levels of strength stood in stark relief on his fat-free torso. He flexed his arm and watched the bicep rise. He looked sort of like Cal, like he could be a runner or a skinny swimmer. The only indications that he had never been fat were the stretch marks and loose skin that dangled from various parts of his body. 

Leon brought his face close to the mirror to examine it fully. It was amazing how much fat obscured his features. Without it his face seemed solid, almost handsome, his jaw had a somewhat square cast to it, and his cheekbones were arched and pronounced. He wondered if the four points added to his charisma could have anything to do with the altered appearance of his face as well.

Leon let himself smile and admired the deep dimples that formed. Let Hunter try to call him a fatty now that his body fat percentage was probably lower than that frat douchbag’s. 

Ding

For a moment Leon looked around for the notification on his display, and then he realized the sound had come from a text on his phone. 

“DID YOU TOUCH MY FUCKING PLAYDIA?” Avlis texted Edward and Leon in their roommate text threat.

“Get a life looser” Leon texted back. He imagined Alvis’ face when he saw the hunk Leon was becoming. That red-faced creep was going to explode. 

A second later Edward texted back “No need to get upset. We can discuss it tonight.” Leon found the response strangely diplomatic for his famously awkward friend. He wondered how Edward was doing if he was undergoing as rapid changes as Leon was. Thinking of his friend made him think of their contest and how little he wanted to lose. He turned his mind back to the new quests that had appeared with the next level, feeling fresh and energized thanks to his high metabolism and animal endurance.

“Run a mile.”

The task proved easier than he thought. As a fat kid, the mile had been hell on earth for Leon, he regularly finished last with times in the late teen early twenty-minute mark. Without the fat and with his added strength, however, Leon felt like he was running on air. Without pushing himself he ran the mile on the attached track in 7:00 minutes and hardly even felt winded in the end. On his last lap, Leon tried activating his new ability “inner strength”. All he had to do was think about it and suddenly the ability activated. All at once his body was flushed with strength. His steps became powerful bounds and he flew through the air at outrageous speeds for a moment before the ability ended and Leon not so gracefully stumbled back to his regular pace. A timer of 115 seconds appeared in the corner of his vision, counting down the seconds until he could use the ability again. 

The completion of the quest got Leon a little over a fourth of the way to level six. 

“Play a sport with others” 

Was the next quest he selected to do. Leon wondered around his school's massive gymnasium looking for a pick-up basketball game he could join or a tennis player looking for a doubles partner. Instead, as he looked out the window at the grassy field below he saw a different sort of athletic endeavor. 

Students wielding foam swords, shields, axes, and even bows charged at each other. As Leon left the health center and approached he could hear war cries and calls of who was out from various participants. It ended within a minute as a girl with short hair blocked a sword thrust from her opponent with her shield and then slashed at his legs with her own foam weapon. A winner was declared and the participants helped each other to their feet from where they had “died” and rearmed themselves to go again.

The girl who had won saw Leon watching and approached. “Want to join” she asked somewhat skeptically. While his height and build made him look like a jock his Superman shirt seemed to communicate that Leon was one of them. In truth, Leon would normally scoff at the idea of role-playing, especially in such a public area, but his new penchant for athletics plus his need to complete the quest made him amicable to her offer.

The girl who introduced herself as Ruth and the sport as Dagorhir. She showed him the various foam weapons that he could choose from, though Leon ended up sticking with the same foam sword and shield she used. She told him because he was new he would be on her team and that he should stick with her and just try to stay alive. 

He did what she said at first, staying back and only blocking with his shield when a stray attacker came at him. He was amazed by how quickly he could move, how fast his reflexes were becoming. He blocked another thrust then retaliated with his sword down onto the guy's back, reveling in the way his perfect form perk allowed him to effortlessly perform the precise motions. Behind him, Ruth went down to a foam-tipped arrow shot by an archer who Leon sprinted over to and tagged with a thrust, killing him. Leon was surprised to find he was the only one left from his team facing down two attackers, one wielding two swords with the other a ball of spiky foam tied to a rope he swung about to attack.

Leon knew he had only one chance to win. Activating his inner strength ability he flew through the air, feet clearing the low sweep of his opponent's flail. As he came back down, he brought his sword down hard onto the other opponent who blocked with both his swords. They cracked like twigs under the force of his slam. 

Even Leon was surprised by his own strength. He felt instantly grateful the guy had blocked his attack, or else it may have been his arms instead of his swords that broke like glass. While both his opponents were stunned by Leon's maneuver Leon swept low with his sword taking both out and winning the game. His team rushed around him all shouting his praise. 

“How the fuck did you do that,” Ruth asked amazed! The feeling of admiration, of victory on the basis of his athletic ability was so foreign to Leon that he wasn’t sure what to do, especially when they started chanting his name. Leon glanced to see his progress bar was almost full thanks to the physical exertion of the activity and the completion of the quest.

“Play again,” Ruth asked.

“Maybe later, I really have to go, but I had fun,” Leon said smiling. He wasn’t lying, despite his misgivings about the lameness of the sport he really had enjoyed it. He gave her his number and she promised to update him on when the club met. 

Leon felt on top of the world especially because his next quest to “consume an exercise supplement” would be a piece of cake. He jogged back to the athletic center, using his inner strength ability whenever it came off cooldown to increase his pace and to try to get used to the burst of supernatural athleticism it gave him. He really needed to understand the limits of his ability before someone got hurt.

As soon as Leon entered the gym he felt a wave of comfort wash over him, a sense of belonging. He walked confidently into the small store attached to the gym and perused the various protein supplements, pre-workout powders, and energy drinks.

“Need help finding anything” The young athlete behind the counter asked.

“Just something for the gains” Leon joked, though with his new body the joke was lost on the cashier who thought he was serious. Leon supposed he sort of was. The cashier pointed out a few pre and post-workout supplements to Leon and feeling reckless Leon bought them all along with a water bottle.

Leon realized he hadn’t drank water or eaten anything in hours yet he didn't feel hungry or thirsty. He wasn’t sure if that was a perk of his Animal Endurance or had something to do with the “super kinetic energy” he now supposedly burned his fat into. Either way, he supposed it would still would be good for him to get some protein and liquids into his system. He scooped the proper amount of each supplement into the bottle before shaking it well.

“Ding” 

Leon reached level six right as he finished the bottle. He let out a sigh and felt his body expand.

“You have reached level six. You receive attribute points based on your class: +3 Strength, +1 Charisma +0.3 Intelligence.”

Leon felt the familiar telltale signs of the boost to his strength, his muscles swelled, his pecs became more pronounced, thighs beefed up. The network of veins on his skinny forearms became even more pronounced and the loose skin from his rapid weight gain refilled now with muscle instead of fat, becoming less noticeable as Leon’s body became more buff. 

This level-up felt different from the others though. Leon felt himself continue to grow, his shoulders widening even more, and his arms bulging. He wondered at the reason until he saw his latest perk. 

“You have gained a class perk.”

“Rapid Returns: The effects of any workout or body-enhancing substance are applied immediately, and to the fullest.”

This had to be one of the best perks yet. No more would he have to wait weeks to see gains, instead he would experience them instantly. The added growth he reasoned was the retroactive payments of the exercise he had already completed that day plus the supplements he had just drank. 

Leon wasn’t one for patience so he was more than glad for the instant gratification, plus with his perfect form perk, he could be sure that any exercise he did would be rewarded fully and instantly.

Three more quests appeared.

Leon's smile disappeared, replaced by a scoff when he saw what they were. These had to be jokes, no way in hell was he going to be caught dead doing something like that. Who the fuck did this game think he was? 

-

Edward let out a cry of pain as he stumbled back, face and body on fire. Thankfully the golden lines that had materialized around quickly faded but his yelp still caught the attention of a few groups of students who all looked in his direction with concern. “Hey, you ok” a guy asked getting up from the grass to walk towards him. 

Edward put both hands over his face, which felt as if it was being ripped apart, and backed away from the approaching student. 

“I’m fine” he managed through the pain. He brushed past the guy, body hunched forward unable to stand straight. The students looked at each other confused but let him pass. Edward stumbled blindly into an ally between two buildings that were normally filled with smoking students but was thankfully empty. 

Edward sunk down to the ground wrapping his arms around his knees tightly as the pain continued. It felt as if his bones were made of clay that some invisible, and not too gentle, hand was sculpting. After a minute the pain began to lessen and Edward could think again. He couldn’t tell exactly what had happened but he suspected the answer lay somewhere in the notifications he had just received.

“You have reached level five. You receive attribute points based on your class: +3 Charisma, +1 Intelligence, +0.3 Strength.”

“You have gained a class perk.”

“Golden Ratio: You are a dream of any Renaissance artist. Along with being perfectly symmetrical your face and body ascribe exactly to the golden ratio. You are now 1.618 down to your DNA.”

The Golden Ratio perk explained the pain. Edward recognized the phrase from the art history class he had taken freshman year. It had something to do with proportions and beauty. He got out his phone to look it up but stopped when he saw his reflection on the darkened screen. He sat there staring at his reflection, startled every time that it blinked when he did. 

Beauty wasn’t an objective thing, Edward knew that. But he had been ugly, the type of ugly only a mother could love, and even she is on the fence about. It wasn’t just his bad skin, or thin hair, or beady eyes, or misshapen nose, though none of those helped, it was in the fundamental construction of his features. Unsymmetrical ill-proportioned, and downright unpleasant to look at. Now that had all changed. 

Edward wouldn’t call his reflection sexy or hot, rather he was more striking. His face was masculine but not overly so. His features all looked as if they were pieces in part of the same puzzle, each perfectly proportioned and symmetrical, fitting on his face as if they were sculpted by the hand of an angle or the brain of an artistic AI. His eyes were flawlessly spaced, in exact harmony with his forehead. His lips sat perfectly under his nose which had been resized and reshaped to the exact dimensions to flatter his face. His entire head had taken on a different shape, elongating and narrowing and contouring. He was in a word beautiful. 

Under his sweater, Edward could see his body had shifted as well. He hadn’t gained or lost mass but rather his proportions had changed, shoulder broadening, waste slimming, hands and feet growing bigger. Edward couldn’t check in public but he also had felt some pain in his groin. He was pretty sure his dick and balls had been growing a bit with every level but he suspected the latest perk had done made some big shifts to the region. In someone as insecure and unattractive as Edward having a small penis had only been the cherry on top of his ugly sundae. Edward had assumed no one would ever see under his pants and he had spent much more time wishing for a pretty face or clear skin then a big dick. Now however it seemed plausible almost even likely Edward would get laid eventually and he was glad he was gaining a proper dick to do it with. It all felt so exhilarating and made Edward not a small bit horny.

Edward finally composed himself enough to do some rudimentary research on the golden ratio he was now supposedly modeled off. As the perk suggested the golden ratio was all about 1.618. It seemed this was a number that appeared in nearly all beautiful things in nature and was used by artists in their work, especially in the Renaissance, to replicate the scale of that natural beauty that is so pleasing to the human eye. According to the articles Edward quickly skimmed those faces deemed most attractive were in proportion with this ratio. There was a complex set of formulas involved, face height should be 1.618 times longer than width, brows should be 1.618 longer then the distance between the eyes, etc. Edward didn't have a ruler but he bet if he measured if face it would be in line with that down to the millimeter. 

Despite the radical change his features were still his own, only shifted and resized. The pig-like upward slant of his nose had been somewhat corrected by the previous bumps to charisma but it was still noticeable, same with his chin which still had a ways to go before it became anything resembling desirable. Still, the changes were radical, to the point that Edward had a hard time recognizing himself. He wondered if Leon would recognize him, and how in the hell he was going to explain this to his family.

Edward was so distracted by the latest perk that he didn’t even fully read the other notifications that had come with level five.

“The Snake Charmer class is a conduit class. As such at level five you gain access to energy points. These can be used in various techniques. Your pool of energy points is equal to your intelligence. The rate of regeneration is tied primarily to your charisma but also scales to a lesser degree on intelligence.”

“At level five the Snake Charmer class gains a technique” 

“Silver Tongue: Your innate charm allows you to channel energy into your words, imbuing them with power that can bend all who hear them to your will. Note: This ability costs five energy per word. Note: the maximum number of words that can be imbued increases by one every ten points of charisma: current max 2. Note: This technique may be less effective or wholly resisted by targets with higher charisma. Note: This ability is considered a charm and therefor can be resisted or negated by items, consumables, aura, technique or abilities with anti-charm properties. Note: The duration of this technique may differ based on the degree of differences in the charisma score of the caster and the target. Note: This technique is 92.22% more effective on people with a penis.” 

Edward blinked at the wall of text before him. Edward wasn’t dumb, he had an intelligence of 13 and a 4.0 GPA but he was really struggling to deciphering the massive amount of information the game had just given him. He decided to take it part by part.

First, there were the energy points. Those he was able to deduce were like mana points in an RPG game, the resource he used to cast spells, or in Altered State’s case techniques. Edward focused on the note about the regeneration and a formula popped up going into more detail. 

“Regeneration per hour = # EP (Energy points) * (Charisma * 0.01)”

His current energy point pool, now indicated by a new full yellow bar on the right side of his vision, was 13. His charisma also coincidentally was also 13 at level five although with the gains he got each level he knew it would quickly out-scale his intelligence. At his current level his rate of regeneration was 1.69 energy points per hour, pretty abysmal. That meant it would take him more than seven hours to regain all his energy. 

Edward flipped to the calculator app on his phone. He felt like Alvis doing math for a video game but he also knew it was important to understand this new system. At level 10 when his intelligence would be 18 and his charisma 28 his rate of regeneration would be 5.04 per hour and when he reached level 20 and had a pool of 28 energy points his rate of regeneration would be 16.24 energy points per hour which felt much more reasonable. By level 34 he would be capable of regretting all his energy at that level within an hour. 

Edward started to understand what exactly the game had in store for him. Intelligence-focused classes were meant to be mages, the type with a large energy pool but slow regeneration. He would be the opposite, lacking a large resource bank but able to recover his expended energy much faster and get back to doing. It matched exactly the way Edward liked to play video games which was somewhat concerning. 

As for the technique Edward had unlocked, he was unsure exactly what to make of it. Silver Tongue seemed extremely powerful, almost overly so. There were however that list of notes at the end providing a caveat to the power. First off it seemed that the ability wouldn’t be very useful on those with higher charisma then his own and that there were additionally a host of other game provided way to protect one’s self from charm techniques. Edward didn't really think he would have to worry about that though, as far as he knew he and Leon were the only ones with access to the game and he had no intention of using his ability against his best friend. Still he thought having checks to an technique like his was ultimately a good thing. Edward could think of far too many ways “bending someone to your will” could be used for ill. It also had that stipulation of being much more effective on men like most of Edwards other rewards which he found perplexing.

Edward decided he wouldn’t use this new power unless it was really necessary, which his two new quests seemed unlikely.

“Get new clothes” and “Get a haircut” seemed like some not-so-subtle hints that Altered State thought it was time for him to have a makeover. Edward’s appearance had already changed so much, he was trepidatious about changing himself further. Still, the latest batch of rewards he received for leveling up were the best ones yet. Edward would be lying if the intoxication of power wasn’t driving him forward, that and the bet he still had with Leon. 

Normally Edward would just go to the budget haircut place in town, no need to spend a lot of money when his appearance was already unsalvageable. Now though Edward didn't feel so lackadaisical about his looks. There was a real nice barber shop he knew only a few blocks from campus which he decided to go to.

Edward left the ally and walked across the green out of campus. As he went Edward was amazed by all the looks he got. Not the looks of pity or disgust he was used to. Instead, people smiled and waved at him as if they knew him. It was bizarre in the extreme. A group of girls walking by whispered something to each other and giggled as they passed, and a tall handsome guy gave him a wink. At first, the attention bothered Edward but as he walked he gained confidence. He stood straight, puffed out his still slim chest, and smiled back at the people he passed. Both the more confident walk and the friendly expression on his face felt right on the new construction of his body. 

“One haircut please,” Edward said as he entered the barber shop. It was an awkward line but his high charisma, People Person perk, and Social Sync perk all saved him from being turned away. 

The barber, a tallish middle-aged guy with a slight Italian accent and a short beard greeted him like an old friend. “What can I get ya today.” He asked as he sprayed Edward's curls down with water. 

Somewhere along the way, Edward’s stringy dirty blond hair had become a thick golden mane with a slight wave in it, a far cry from the straight thin straw his hair had been before. 

“I don’t know Alexi, what do you think would look good?” Edward asked reading the man's name off his name tag. Through his Sage perk he could feel that the barbers had a genuine love for his craft and that his goal was to make Edward look as good as possible.

The barber clucked his tongue examining Edward's face and running a comb through his damp hair which instantly sprung back into place. “You have such beautiful hair, it feels like such a shame to cut it off. How about I just shape it up so you can show off that handsome face of yours.”

Edward blushed but gave his approval. He watched memorized as Alexi slowly removed the hair from around his newly sized down ears and forehead. Staring in the mirror Edward couldn’t believe the adonis staring back was himself. 

He was snapped out of his revelry by the ding. For a second he thought he had leveled up again but it turned out to just be his phone. 

“DID YOU TOUCH MY FUCKING PLAYDIA?” Avlis had texted him and Leon in their roommate group chat in obnoxious all caps. 

A few seconds later Leon responded with his typical brashness: “Get a life looser”. 

Edward sighed and typed out a diplomatic response, “No need to get upset. We can discuss it tonight” he sent. He would try to calm Alvis down in person but if their creepy roommate got really upset Edward could always use him as the first test subject for his new technique. 

Edward and Alexi made small talk as he the haircut, Edward was amazed at how easily the conversation flowed, and how at ease he felt talking to a stranger. When it came time to pay he suspected Alexi gave him a substantial discount. Edward reviled his first experience of pretty privilege. At the same time, he felt kind of bad, like he had scammed the guy just by nature of being charming. Edward left a large tip and thanked him profusely promising to recommend all his friends, as if he had any other than Leon.

With the first of two quests completed and the progress bar to level six halfway full Edward made his way to the mall a few blocks away, his new haircut only intensified the stares he got. 

Normally Edward wasn’t confident enough to wear anything other than the most basic of clothes, neutral colors, and a size too big. Now however Edward felt empowered. He walked into the most trendy shop in the mall and was instantly beset by an eager saleswoman. Within minutes she had picked out for Edward more clothes than he could carry before escorting him to a dressing room. His sage perk, which was significantly weaker on her than on Alexi, let him know she worked on commission and that she suspected he was a rich pretty boy willing to spend. 

Edward locked the door and tried on the first item of clothing, a red and brown sweater vest that was a bit too big. As soon as Edward put the vest on he heard a ding and reached level six. It really was strange how lenient the game was with some quests and how strict it was with others. 

To Edward’s relief, none of the level six features caused excruciating pain this time, although he did feel a slight discomfort as the usual three points of charisma altered his face further, skin smoothing, features adjusting, Adam’s apple bulging slightly as his voice grew a bit deeper and smoother. His newly cut hair on his head along with the little body hair he had grew even more silky and soft and golden blond. Plus Edward was sure he could feel his penis grow as well, only about a sixth of an inch but still noticeable and exhilarating. 

“You have reached level six. You receive attribute points based on your class: +3 Charisma, +1 Intelligence, +0.3 Strength.”

“You have gained a class perk.”

“Gold Star Killer: Your charm is strong enough to go ignore biological and social boundaries. Anyone with a penis will now be equally likely to find you attractive no matter their usual sexual orientation.”

Edward gasped slightly when he saw the perk. He knew it was a dream of a lot of gay guys to have sex with straight guys, and he would be lying if he said the fantasy wasn’t there for him as well, but he found the idea of bending sexualities concerning. He currently wouldn’t want to be made attracted to a woman. Plus he hoped there was some sort of exemption he could make for his friends and family. He laughed to himself at the idea of boob-loving Leon suddenly having eyes for his dick. 

Edward sifted through the rest of the clothes. Most were either too expensive or too gaudy to be considered, but in the pile, Edward found a fair number of shirts and pants he might actually wear. With his now 16 charisma every piece of clothing just seemed to fit right on him, like he could wear a garbage bag and still walk the red carpet, he really just was that damn pretty. 

Edward had just tried on a thick wool-striped short-sleeved shirt when he heard a noise from outside. “What's the point in wearing that if I can’t see your tits,” a loud obnoxious male voice said. Out of curiosity Edward stuck his head out of the changing room and saw two people arguing in front of the mirror a few feet down the hallway.

“You sound like a douchebag when you say things like that Hunter,” a blond woman said as she adjusted a floral long-sleeve blouse on her athletic frame. 

The man who Edward presumed to be Hunter scoffed. “Cassy you look like a lesbo librarian. Can’t we go to Victoria's Secret or something?” 

“You're being a jerk. Is this just because you think I was flirting with that guy at the gym? How many times do I have to tell you he's just in one of my classes.”

“I don’t give a shit about that fattie,” Hunter said in a way that made it obvious he very much did, “I just don’t want people thinking your even more of a skank than they already do.” 

The blond woman reeled back. Despite the distance and not having a penis Cassy strong emotion triggered Edward’s Sage skill and he instantly knew that her foremost desire at that moment was to hit the Hunter in the face. She opened her mouth to tell him off but Edward beat her to it. Stepping out of the dressing room he instinctively activated his Silver Tongue ability. “Hey man be nice,” he said, the last two words coming out in a much louder and deeper voice that echoed through the hallway, as if a proclamation from god.

Hunter froze in place for a moment then his face contorted into an unnaturally friendly expression and in a forced cheery voice he said “I’m sorry for saying that Cassie. No one thinks that you are a skank. You are a very beautiful intelligent women who I am often intimidated by, and who I take out my insecurities on.” 

Cassie looked around as if looking for the hidden cameras to emerge and tell her this was a prank. Hunter turned towards Edward. “I must say you are very attractive. I would normally never admit this but I really want to have sex with you.” Even through the compulsion of Edward's technique, it was obvious that Hunter was horrified by what he was saying, although with his Gold Star Killer perk it was also likely true. 

Hunter turned back to Cassie “Let me buy you these clothes to make up for my rude comments, then I want to finally hear about that book you have been reading.” He proceeded to gather all of Cassie’s clothing in his arms and walk to the checkout counter, his girlfriend wordlessly following behind him, too shocked to speak. 

Edward looked around to see if anyone else had witnessed the effect of his ability but the dressing room was empty. Awkwardly he made his way back to his room to try on the rest of the clothes, still amazed by the power of his new technique. He wondered how long the effect would last on that jerk. It would probably be too much to wish it would be permanent, but he hoped for Cassie’s sake it was long enough for him to buy her clothes. He also noticed Cassie seemed not to be affected by his words. He wasn’t sure if that was because she didn't have a penis or if it was because he intended his words only for Hunter. 

Edward glanced at his energy bar. The yellow bar was a little less then a third of the way full, Edward just having spent 10 energy, 5 on each word. It would be a few hours till he could regenerate all the expended points again, though Edward didn't regret it. Especially when he noticed the level progress bar which was right under the energy bar was already halfway to level seven. Edward realized that he had inadvertently just completed one of his new quests without realizing it, “resolve an altercation with only your words” was now marked as complete. His other assigned quest “post on social media” seemed like it could be equally as easy to complete. 

Edward put on his favorite of the newest clothes, a white sweater and a pair of blue jeans, and pulled up the latest trending song. Then he set up his phone on the fitting room bench and started filming. Edward didn't do much, he moved his hips slightly, ran his fingers through his hair, and even bit his lip at one point. Watching it back Edward looked like a total fuck boy, but damn was he pretty. He posted the video publicly, and though he didn’t have any followers except for Leon and his mom he was pretty confident the video would get some views. 

Sure enough, Edward heard two simultaneous dings as he both leveled up and received his first like on the video. 

“You have reached level seven. You receive attribute points based on your class: +3 Charisma, +1 Intelligence, +0.3 Strength.”

“You have gained a class perk.”

“Social gravity: Your charisma is like a magnet. You emit an aura that makes attracting attention to yourself effortless and becoming the center of attention nearly inevitable. Note: This effect is 92.22% more effective on people with a penis. Note: This is an aura effect. Individuals can only be effected by one charisma based aura at a time. Your aura may overcome other charisma-based aura in its range if your charisma is higher, or be suppressed by another aura if the less charismatic of the two. Note: you will receive upgrades to this aura ability at levels 14, 21, 29, etc.”

Edward had mixed feelings about this latest perk. As someone ignored and shunned all his life Edward felt the draw to the spotlight, to finally being seen by his peers. Still, there was something nice about anonymity, about being an invisible face in the crowd. If he was reading this perk right his days of nameless NPC were over, main character only from here on out. Plus there was that thing about blocking other auras. This was the second indication that he might be encountering other people with classes and abilities like his own. Edward supposed there could be others out there, Leon had been rather vague about who had given him the game and upon reflection is seemed rather obvious that “buff guy” must have also had a class. Edward thought about that disk still sitting in Alvis’ machine. Once he reached level ten he and Leon would have to lock up that disk in a safe, or maybe destroy it, anything to keep the likes of Hunter from getting their hands on that type of power. 

Edward left the changing room, still wearing the favorite of his new clothes, and paid for the half dozen items clothing items he had decided on. These were unfortunately not discounted like his haircut though Edward had some money from his birthday saved up. 

Edward’s next quest seemed deceptively easy. “Attend a party” was the only item listed in his quest menu. The rave Trent and Tag were going to tonight might count but that wasn’t for another few hours and Edward wanted to give the two some space. Even though classes were out for the day Edward knew it was likely too early for any parties to be happening in the dorms or in any of the houses on fratrow. 

Edward decided to wonder around the mall. If he had gotten stared before it was nothing compared to now. His social gravity perk and the last two levels of charisma made him an undeniably attention-grabbing figure. He passed a kid's birthday party happening in an arcade but decided against crashing that to complete his quest. 

Edward wandered out of the mall and down the street to one of the nicer parts of town, to a row of expensive restaurants and luxury apartment buildings. Edward's ears pricked up as he heard the sounds of chatting voices and light laughter. 

He quickly found the source of the chatter. Middle-aged men and women in formal attire holding glasses of wine milled about an art gallery pointing at the black and white works on the wall and chatting in groups of twos and threes. The name of the gallery on the glass read “l’art” in big cursive letters. 

Edward supposed this would count as a party. With a confidence Edward would never once have possessed, he walked into the gallery. Immediately every head inside turned to face him. On his display, the quest “attend a party” didn’t mark as complete as he had expected. Instead, it expanded like a scroll being unfurled. The words “event quest” appeared with a progress bar, along with a new open-ended task list. The quest renamed itself and Edward internally groaned. “The party don’t start till you walk in” the quest now read. A timer began to count down. 

-

“Do a shirtless workout” 

“Flex in a public place” 

“Get three complements on your body” 

These couldn’t be serious. For the first time, Leon considered what exactly the Juggernaut class was. So far the quests had driven him to become a paragon of athleticism, but these quests seemed to want him to be some preening peacock. Leon briefly thought about those viral internet challenges that went around when he was in middle school, the ones that supposedly started simply and ended with you jumping off the roof or something. He was pretty sure those were actually moral panics. Still he couldn’t help wondering if this might be the same, if the game was lulling him in with simple quests before making him perform this strange humiliation ritual. 

Leon weighed his options. He could ignore the quests, and try to get to level seven by only using the experience he gained from working out, though judging by the increased amount of experence each level was requiring that could take days if not weeks. No, the quests were too valuable to ignore. He would have to suck up his pride and become what he had once scorned. 

Tentatively Leon made his way to the massive workout area of the gym. By now it was late afternoon and the post-class rush had filled the gym to almost its capacity. There were a few other guys without shirts on, walking with their chests puffed out like monkeys and leaving sweaty imprints behind on their stations.

Leon let out an audible sigh and looked down at his XL Superman tee. It still hung loose on his frame thanks to his rapid metabolism but he suspected his arms and pecs were only a few levels of strength away from filling it to bursting once again. Slowly he stripped it off, the shirt slightly damp from the sweat he had accumulated over the hours of exercise. Leon still couldn’t believe the body underneath was his. He was now undeniably big, fit, and muscled. He looked like he could be a personal trainer or a fitness model. He had a six-pack, not even the skinny kind, but the strong ones in which each abs were visible. His pecs pushed out visibly. He tried to bounce them and found with his perfect form perk he was able to make them dance precisely. His tan skin from his half-French, half-Mexican heritage didn't hang as loose around his muscles as before.

Now shirtless Leon did a few bicep curls. “Nice guns,” a guy walking past said and Leon gave him a polite smile. The “get a complement on your body” quest marked itself as 1/3. After a few more curls and an overhead press with the dumbbells his “do a shirtless workout” also completed and Leon was thrust 1/3 of the way to level seven. Leon decided to stay shirtless for a few more exercises in hopes of getting two more compliments on his body, and because some small quiet part of him secretly loved the feeling of showing off his gains. 

He continued to the next exercise doing squats, then lateral raises, then shoulder presses. Though totally imperceptible Leon convinced himself he could feel each exercise permanently pump up each of his muscles slightly larger as their effects were instantly expressed by his “Rapid Rewards” perk. Leon kept forgetting his torso was bare until he would spot an occasional annoyed or lustful look from a fellow gymgoer. He wasn’t sure if it was his utmost confidence he had in the space from the Gym Rat perk or if it was a newly discovered exhibitionist streak but he found himself not minding the attention. He tried to catch a few women's eyes but all of them seemed to avoid him purposefully which he couldn’t much blame them for. 

Leon did a set of 20 pull-ups without much effort then wandered over to a wall of mirrors by the weights. Leon still couldn’t believe the tan muscular figure was him. Tentatively he flexed a bicep, overjoyed with the feeling of the substantial muscle bunching up. He flexed the other arm, snapping exactly into position for a textbook double bicep flex thanks to his Perfect Form perk. He looked around to see if anyone was watching him then flexed his abs, contorting them into different positions easily as if choosing from a preset in a video game. Leon flexed his legs, then popped his pecs before turning around and flaring out his lats in a pose that he assumed made his back look great. The quest “flex in a public place” was marked as completed and Leon was boosted 2/3 of the way to level seven. He just needed two more complements to complete his last quest, and judging by the lackluster reaction to his flexing he wasn’t going to get it here. 

Leon wondered what his next perk would be. He hoped it would be something to stop him from sweating like a pig. By now he was fully drenched, his hair stuck unflatteringly to his forehead and a distinct oder surrounded him. Leon concluded that if he was going to get two more complements he needed to look a bit more presentable.

Though he had never been to the gym before Leon was able to navigate to the far end where the public men's locker room was located. Inside college guys and a few professors of various class years and body types milled around, changing into sports uniforms or back into streetwear after having done a late afternoon session after their class.

As Leon stepped through the door he felt his confidence leave him all in a rush. Suddenly he realized the “gym rat” perk that made him so able to strut around like a meathead jock didn't apply to the locker room. The air now felt cold against his exposed nipples and Leon crossed his beefy arms over them and sucked in, lifelong habits built from being a fat kid suddenly returning.   He felt like an imposter with a body he hadn’t earned. He suddenly wished Edward were here. Edward never let him get too down on himself when it came to his appearance. He knew his friend would have given him the last two complements without him even having to ask.

Leon saw a few guys with towels wrapped around their waists head further into the locker room. He reasoned that must be the direction of the shower and followed them, grabbing a towel from the stack at the door. Thankfully his school was modern enough that the showers were not communal kind but instead with small individual stalls.

Leon claimed a shower stall then got naked in it putting his shorts, shirt, underwear, and socks in a bin outside the stall so he could change back into them when he was done. Leon wasn’t happy about changing back into his sweaty clothes but he didn't have another set of clothes with him and he didn't intend to go home until he was at least level ten and had won the bet with Edward.

The hot water felt great on Leon’s skin. He wasn’t sore, that wasn’t possible with his “Animal Endurance" perk and his “Rapid Rewards” perks but his body still felt tense from hours of continual activity. He took his time scrubbing away the sweat from his body, admiring the new crevices the removal of his fat and the growth of his muscles had created. He had been so busy with the events set off by “Altered State” that he hadn’t really had time to feel horny, but as he played with his dick that was undeniably bigger, if only by half an inch or so, he felt his hormones rush in. It took all his self-control not to jerk off right there in the shower stall. He wanted to save his first orgasm in this new body for a hot babe who could maybe give him the last two complements he needed. There were quite a few attractive women he had seen in the gym he would have never dreamed of scoring before who now seemed in his league if he could only keep himself from saying something stupid.

Leon shut the water off and reached a hand out to grab the towel he had stashed outside. His hand only met empty air. He flailed at the empty hook before peaking his head out to check what was going on. His heart dropped when he saw his towel and all his clothes were gone. His face went red and his blood cold. From the changing area, he could hear a group of men snickering with one another. Leon was tired of this shit. When he was fat he took it because there was no other option but now he was going to stand up for himself. Leon walked out of the shower, not caring if he was soaking wet or that his penis swung openly between his legs. “Nice dick” a guy yelled to him as he passed, Leon ignored him but his quest updated its progress to 2/3. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised to see Hunter standing there holding his clothes. He was dressed in a different outfit from when Leon had seen him last. The frat guy didn't immediately see him as he chatted animatedly with his friends. “It was humiliating bro, all of a sudden I’m complementing Cassy and saying all this gay shit to that blond freak. I swear bro I’m going to beat his ass next time I see him, I swear it.”

He turned to see a naked Leon coming towards him and seemed momentarily confused. “I think those are mine,” Leon said pointing to the clothes in Hunter's hand. Hunter looked up and down at Leon's tall naked buff body and his angry face. 

“Sorry bro, I thought these belonged to someone else.” He said obviously not recognizing Leon. It was funny how much more respect this guy gave him now that he had muscles and wasn’t fat.

“Oh did you think they belonged to that fatty from earlier?” Leon asked using Hunter's words from before. Hunter and his four fellow frat bros laughed awkwardly thinking Leon was making a fat joke, though Leon kept a serious face, “Cause you're right that's me.”

Hunter’s face took on a look of confusion. “Bro that's not possible, your buff and stuff.” 

Leon heard a ding as he received the last compliment and was boosted to level seven. He’d take the compliment where he could get it. 

“You have reached level seven. You receive attribute points based on your class: +3 Strength, +1 Charisma, +0.3 Intelligence.”

“You have gained a class perk.”

“Naked Confidence: you and others feel completely comfortable with your body, be it in a tuxedo or in your birthday suit. 

He didn't have time to think much about the notifications as he rapidly dismissed them. Still, Leon couldn’t help but feel his body grow wider and taller as new strength pumped up all his muscles. His body was going from athletic into the territory of seriously fit. 

What's more, Leon felt a wave of confidence overcome him, his nipples suddenly felt less exposed and he no longer felt any care at all about having his dick out so publicly. In fact, it felt almost natural. Around him, he saw people shift their gaze away from his bare crotch and to the confrontation occurring as if his nakedness was no longer of interest. 

“You really don’t miss much do you,” Leon said taking a step forward.

Hunter's face hardened. He may not understand exactly what was going on but he knew enough to know he had just been insulted. For a second Leon glanced at the two new quests that had popped up with the new level and a plan started to take shape. 

Leon took another step forward so that he was in Hunter's face, the two men now even in height thanks to the latest boost from level seven. “If you wanted to see me naked so bad all you had to do was ask. I’m happy to show you what a real man looks like.”

Hunter's face became a mask of rage, exactly as Leon intended. “Your fucking dead you F—“ he said and swung an up arm towards Leon's face in a brutal swing. Leon activated his inner strength ability and felt the world slow for a moment. With the second of strength the ability lent him he deflected the punch with one hand and shoved the other into Hunter's chest with the other. The frat bro’s eyes went wide as he sailed ten feet across the room, landing on the floor and sliding until his back came to rest against a row of lockers with a loud metal jingle. The cheering crowd of Hunter's cronies and regular gym attendees let out a shriek of surprise. For a moment Leon worried he might have overdone it, then Hunter slowly got to his feet, muscular chest moving up and down as he let out deep rageful breaths.

“Race ya looser” Leon called out and ran for the door. Hunters bellow behind him and the sound of multiple pairs of running feet indicated the frat guys had taken the bait. 

Leon seriously hoped this mad chase would count as fulfilling one of the two quests he had just been assigned, “win a contest of speed” Otherwise he was risking his life for nothing. He supposed there might have been easier ways to fulfill the quest but he would have to take shortcuts to level ten if he hoped to beat Edward.

Without his inner strength power, Leon was quickly realizing he lacked an edge. These guys knew this building far better than Leon did, plus had had their powerful long legs and athletic bodies for their whole lives as opposed to Leon’s few hours, meaning they knew much better how to control them. The sounds of footfalls and angry threats of what Hunter was going to do to him once he caught up with him got louder behind him and Leon rounded a corner then hurried up a set of stairs. 

Five sets of footsteps thundered after him up the stairs, only a few paces away. Leon saw an exit and bolted to it with all his might. His inner strength ability, the only edge he had over Hunter, still had more than a minute left on its cooldown. 

Leon slammed the door open and ran out of the gymnasium, into the cold sunny fall day. He saw the same group of LARPers still performing mock battles on the grass and made a beelined straight for them. He imagined he made a strange sight, naked with his penis flailing every which way, sprinting full speed forward with five very angry frat guys chasing after him, gaining on him with every step. 

Hunter saw Leon was headed to the group of students with foam weapons and ran faster than before until he was only a step behind Leon. He tried to grab Leon but Leon was able to duck out of the way. The two were only ten feet from the group. Hunter tried again to stop Leon this time with a full-body tackle. Just before Hunter brought Leon down two things happened, the quest demanding he “win a contest of speed” was completed and Ruth, the girl who had shown him how to play before, threw him a shield like a frisbee which Leon caught and used to block a series of blows which Hunter rained down onto him as the two tumbled in the grass. 

The two struggled in the grass, Leon’s shield protecting his torso and head but not preventing Hunter from savaging his arms and legs with painful punches. Leon wrapped his naked legs around Hunter and with effort flipped the heavier man over so that he was on top. His inner strength power still had fifteen seconds left on its cooldown. 

Without it, Hunter was able to flip Leon back over and pin his arms and legs to the grass. The latest level of strength had made Leon nearly Hunters equal in size but the large man still had the advantage. Leon struggled violently against the frat guy to little effect. Hunter loomed over him, breath coming in heavy gasps and eyes filled with murder. “I’m going to drag your asshole out your mouth.”

Using one hand to subdue both of Leon’s hands Hunter placed a hand around Leon’s neck and started to choke him, hard. Leon’s inner strength ability still had ten seconds left on cooldown. Without it, Leon didn't have the strength to break Hunter's grip. 

Above him, he saw Ruth mercilessly bring her foam sword down onto Hunter's back. The man didn't flinch but one of his friends grabbed Ruth from behind. 

Leon's vision started to blur as his windpipe was constricted. He gasped helplessly and tried to roll his naked body out from Hunter's pin, but the frat guy's body was too heavy and his grip too strong. Leon found his thoughts going to Edward, his best friend. He wondered how his friend's “Altered State” journey was going, it couldn’t possibly be any worse than his. 

[redflagshipwriter]

Check Yes ch 10

masterpost

“Why are you so cheerful?” Damian narrowed his eyes up at Dick, as if he could possibly intimidate his elder brother. “And why are you still here? Return to Bloodhaven at once, where someone might desire your presence.” He dropped his phone on the bench with a clack and roughly pulled his sweatshirt over his head. His hair floofed up after it, trailing with static electricity. 

Wow, someone was still holding a grudge over him spilling the beans about the elementary school art show. Why so cranky? Cass and Stephanie hadn’t done anything embarrassing, they’d just come with him and said that it was nice. Damian had done this family portrait thing where no one had eyes or hands. It was avante garde or something. Dick didn’t really get it, but the technical proficiency was really impressive.

Dick bounced on his heels a bit as he got his gloves on. He felt his hair bounce with the movement. He felt extremely light and breezy. “Because you would miss me,” he teased.

Damian grunted and looked away. He yanked open his locker and pretended that he was the only one in the changing room as he pulled off his pajama pants and started to wiggle into the Robin uniform. The leg armor squeaked as he forced it up and into place. 

Quiet footsteps padded into the room. Dick caught sight of Timmy in his locker mirror.

‘He will definitely be up for fucking with Jason and his date a little.’

“There is a little something going on tonight,” Dick said, faux casually. He cracked his neck and then started going through the double check of all the fastenings of his uniform and basic equipment. “Remember earlier, when Duke sent that odd message?”

Damian grunted.

“Well, I looked into it, and-”

“Holy shit, Jason is calling out of patrol tonight in the group chat.” Stephanie’s voice trailed faintly over the divider between the locker rooms. “Do you see this shit, Nicki Minaj?”

Dick blinked. “Nicki Min-” 

That apparently meant Tim, who lunged for his phone and unlocked it. He stared in disbelief for a moment. “Is he allowed to do that?” he asked. He scrunched his face up, clearly disturbed.

‘Makes sense, but does that mean I’m going to be chasing Jason, not Red Hood?’ Dick crinkled up his nose and thought about it. Probably not? He didn’t want to give anyone the impression that Jason’s civilian ID was being hunted by law enforcement. Jay probably just didn’t want Dick to be able to track him down too easily. Fair enough. 5 of them on patrol was quite honestly a lot more than Gotham needed on an average night.

Damian snorted. “Don’t be absurd,” he sneered. “We are all entitled to a certain number of rest days per week. Have you forgotten the holistic wellness powerpoint presentation so easily, you despicable fool?”

“Shut up, nerd.” Tim held his phone in Damian’s face.

Damian stared at it without blinking for a long few seconds. “...I was not aware this was a genre of action of which he was capable.” He looked incredibly troubled.

The expression wiped off of Dick’s face.

‘What did that little shit do?’

“Maybe it’s a sick mind game?” Stephanie suggested, voice lifting in question.

Dick yanked his locker open and dug his phone out. He unlocked it in a blur of motion, already scowling. 

Jay had sent a picture to the birdchat with a selfie of him and a man who must be Danny, the dead guy on the other end of the sacrifice contract. They were leaning together over a dinner table. Jay was cheesing for the camera, a glint in his eye that said he knew he was being a little shit. Danny looked kinda dazed, which probably meant he wasn’t quite wild enough for their life. Dick nearly felt a tinge of guilt about tagging him into their rivalry, but hey, it was just a friendly game.

The accompanying message was, “Can’t patrol tonight, I’m spending time with the boyfriend. Stay safe, losers and Steph.”

Dick huffed. He slammed his locker shut. Fine. So, he didn’t get to share the exciting news! That was fine. That was fair, even. Jay should get to launch his own relationship. It was just kinda-

Wait. He scrambled to open the locker again and looked at the selfie again. 

He knew the wall behind them. It was an Italian place where Jay laundered money from the sale of imported Dutch narcotics. 

‘They have to still be there,’ he realized, mind running through the minutes since he had confirmed with Babs via camera that the two were at the planetarium. He grinned like the Grinch and rushed out. “Bye, see you out there,” he called over his shoulder to the locker room and snatched up his helmet. He had already changed, after all! No need to wait around for the slowpokes and the old man who still wasn’t even coming down the Bat staircase yet.

Nightwing flung himself onto his motorcycle and tore off into the night. He crossed the bridge into Gotham, a flash of blue reflected off the choppy water below. It felt like minutes until he kicked out the stand for his bike and dismounted, clicking the protective tech on without stopping for a minute. He took the rickety, rust-red stairs up the outside of the building and slithered in the stairwell.

He wasn’t an amateur. He knew that Jay knew what he’d done. He was expecting Dick to come here. But that didn’t mean Dick couldn’t gain ground. Jay might still be here. Dick crept out into the restaurant through the kitchen, ducking out of sight from the line cook and bursting through the kitchen double doors in utter silence.

His gaze went unerringly to the table where the photo had been taken. A grim-faced waiter looked up, pristine white cloth in the process of wiping it down. “There’s a note for you,” he said. He indicated the receipt with a head tilt and finished his task, wiping down the salt shaker and other accoutrement.

Boo. Dick deflated. “Thank you,” he said. It was too much to expect for this to end first thing. Ah. He cheered up at the realization that this was better, actually. He was clearly only minutes behind them. The game wouldn’t be fun if it was too easy, after all. With that in mind he felt pretty chipper as he reached for the no doubt taunting note Jay would have left him on the back of the receipt. In his peripheral vision he noted the waiter picking up a short mop and running it over the floor under where Jay and Danny’s feet would have been.

…A riddle. They left him a riddle. “How does water fall onto a cranky little stormcloud?” Puzzled, he blinked. Uh, water going up? Something about condensation, about pipes, about… stormcloud? He crinkled his eyebrows and thought about Damian’s thunderous little face, chubby cheeks and all, positively sick with fury that Dick had betrayed him by attending his art show.

He had a bad feeling. He looked up. There, in the unfinished rafters, alien green eyes stared down at him predatorily from an inhumanly pale face. 

Dick froze. Jason’s boyfriend was clinging to the ceiling like goddamn Dracula climbing down the castle wall, one clawed hand wrapped around a rafter, feet braced against another in a way that made his limbs look just slightly too long and angular. The other hand was holding a bucket.

Fuck. Dick dodged in a roll and barely evaded the bulk of the splash zone.

“Loser!” Jason’s voice called out. 

Dick whipped his head over to see his brother grinning at him from the kitchen in a goddamn kitchen staff apron. “Bitch!” he said, appalled. Had he really walked past him without realizing it? No way. Just no way. He looked back up and jolted. 

Danny was gone. 

Fuck!

He looked back at the kitchen just in time to see Danny drape himself over Jason’s shoulder in a boneless way, flash a grin with teeth that were far too long, and then… and then. They both faded out of sight as Dick rushed the door. There was no hint as to where they had gone.

‘I should have gotten tactical information about Danny’s ghost abilities before I challenged them. This is on me, a little bit. I’ll have to have Babs take a look… No, not yet. They’re probably going around by one of Jason’s bikes, I can check on what’s missing and plug the license plate number into the auto search program.’’

“Excuse me.”

Disheartened, Dick blinked back at the waiter, who had already mopped up the water that Danny had dropped on him. He was impassively holding out another wet towel. 

”...Thank you,” Dick said, and dried his left shin off so he stopped leaving drips across the restaurant.

[mcflymemes]

ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE (2001) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the film, adjust as necessary

it's been my experience when you hit bottom, the only place left to go is up.

i sleep in the nude.

about time someone hit him. i'm sorry it wasn't me.

i didn't say it was the smart thing, but it is the right thing.

i came down the chimney. ho ho ho.

we've done a lot of things we're not proud of. robbing graves, plundering tombs, double parking... but nobody got hurt.

maybe somebody got hurt, but nobody we knew.

will you look at the size of this? it's gotta be half a mile high at least.

our lives are remembered by the gifts we leave our children.

you're so skinny, if you turned sideways and stuck out your tongue, you'd look like a zipper.

hey look, i made a bridge.

as far as me goes, i just like to blow things up.

come on. tell the kid the truth.

does it match my dress?

it was like a sign from god.

i got your four basic food groups: beans, bacon, whiskey, and lard.

you have disturbed the dirt.

what have you done?

if you give back every stolen artifact from a museum, you'd be left with an empty building.

i gotta admit, i'm disappointed.

you ask too many questions!

who are you? who sent you?

do not be such a crybaby.

now tell me your story, my little friend.

trust me on this one. you don't wanna know.

if you're looking for the pony rides, they're back there.

what else have you got in there?

forget your jammies, [name]?

you're gonna want a pair of these.

i think we've seen how effective my decisions have been.

have i left anything out?

you did set the camp on fire and drop us down that big hole.

i took this job when my dad retired.

you are a scholar, are you not?

who told you that?

let's go over it again, just so we got it straight.

we're all gonna die.

someone needs to talk to that girl.

for the good of the mission, i will go!

tonight's supper will be baked beans. musical program to follow.

hey, i had nothing to do with it.

i'll have to quit my job.

you didn't just drink that, did you?

don't move, don't breathe, don't do anything...

carrots? why it it always carrots?

with something like that, i would have white wine.

we can't let him do this!

okay, now you can go.

how was my accent?

we are not thriving.

where are you going?

don't take no for an answer.

look, i have some questions for you, and i'm not leaving this city until they're answered.

somebody's gonna have to suck out this poison.

i thought you said he only had guns!

mercenary? i prefer the term "adventure capitalist."

do you wanna do my job? be my guest.

i'm gonna need you to fill these up.

thank god i lost my sense of taste years ago.

why don't you translate, and i'll wave the gun around.

this was not part of the plan.

you do swim, do you not?

your heart has softened.

you would have slain them on sight.

what they have to teach us, we have already learned.

something wrong with your neck?

so i guess this is how it ends? fine. you win.

get back! i've got soap, and i'm not afraid to use it!

look at all those tattoos!

i've got a bone to pick with you.

any last words?

i really wish i had a better idea than this.

i know i'm forgetting something.

you're the one who got us here.

you must've read it a dozen times by now.

sometimes i get a little carried away.

all will be well. be not afraid.

i hate fishing. i hate fish. hate the taste, hate the smell, hate all them little bones.

you will not regret this!

hard to believe he's still single.

can you drive a truck?

no time like the present.

i love it when we win.

you pick now of all times to grow a conscience?

[penny-anna]

Time 4 high effort ramen

Never cooked pork belly before I'm nervous

I don't think I've ever braised anything before!! Lotta firsts tonight

Broth is sesame miso. You might be thinking wow, that looks like a really big pot of broth for 1 person. And you're right!! I'm also meal prepping for future lower effort ramens

Look how nicely presented these noodles are. I love them

Okay all done. Time for the most fun part

Double egg bean sprout stir fried carrot green onion sesame seed

VERDICT: idk what I'm doing wrong here, the first time I made this ramen broth it was perfect and every other time it's been SO salty. I was hoping the issue was that I was messing up the quantities when scaling down for 1 portion but apparently not.

Otherwise great. Pork belly fantastic 👍& double egg

[reigningqueenofwords]

That's How You Know

Pairing: Tony x Reader Word count: 4,003

Read on AO3

You leaned your head on Nat’s shoulder, the two of you watching some comedy in an effort to cheer you up. You’d broken up with your long time boyfriend just the day before. And it sucked. The two of you had been together most of your twenties. Now, at 28, you were nursing a broken heart, eating a pint of ice cream, and cuddling your super-spy best friend. 

“Miss, Mr. Stark is inquiring if you’d like take out from your favorite restaurant for dinner this evening.” Came JARVIS’s voice. 

Hearing that, you smiled softly. “Tell him yes, and thank you.” You agreed easily. 

Nat smirked at you. “You know he loves you, right?” She pointed out. “I mean, it’s really obvious.” She chuckled. “He just never actually said it because you were dating that asshat.” 

You shifted to look at her. “What the hell are you talking about?” You asked, confused. “A- Tony doesn’t love me, and B- he wasn’t an asshat until the last like...month.” You muttered in defence of your ex. 

“You are so blind. And he clearly thinks we are, too.” She was amused. “Look, I’d tell you to just go kiss the man, but I’ll be nice and let you get over your ex before pushing you together and going ‘now kiss’.” She smirked, making you stare at her. “You’ll see.” She said confidently. “Now, let’s finish this movie.” 

It had been six months since that conversation with Nat, and you’d pushed it from your mind. However, you were out with her, Wanda, and Pepper, which meant drinks. It made it difficult not to think about the handsome inventor. Just as you were thinking of him, your phone went off. 

Nat looked over your shoulder and smirked. “Awe, he’s worried about you!” She chuckled as you playfully shoved her away. “He is seriously texting you just to tell you that you’re on his mind, but he wanted a reason, so he pulled the ‘be safe’ card.” She downed another shot. “And, you’re right. That would be a warning for some pour perv to mess with any of us.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever.” You put your phone away, going back to your drink. 

“So, who’s the mystery man?” Wanda grinned. “Do we know him? Oh! Is it that cute agent?” You raised an eyebrow at her. There were a few cute agents. “I think his name is Paul? Such an unsexy name for such a nice face.” She mumbled. “Spill the beans.” 

You were about to shut this entire conversation down when Nat spoke up. “It’s Tony.” She said easily. “He’s had it bad for her for years.” She went on, making you put your head on the table. “She doesn’t believe it, but she’s the only one who got a ‘be safe’ text.” Nat chuckled, licking her lips. “And I see someone I’d like to be bad with tonight. Excuse me, ladies!” She slipped out of her chair and towards whoever had caught her eye. 

Pepper rubbed over your shoulders. “Want me to get us some shots? Since Nat drank them all?” She chuckled. 

Sitting up, you sighed, nodding. “Sure, I need one. Or five.” You shrugged. You didn’t want to believe Tony loved you. You didn’t want to admit you loved him, either. So, you’d get a bit drunk, and then go back to forgetting about it the next day. 

Walking into your kitchen a couple weeks later, you were wearing an oversized sweater and leggings. It was a cold fall day, the skies were grey, and you planned on curling up with a book, and a cup of coffee. You had to do a double take. There, on your kitchen island, was a bouquet of sunflowers. That had not been there the night before. Walking to the table, you lifted the note that was placed in front of it. 

I know you hate days like this. Here’s some flowers to brighten your day. 

-Tony

You blushed, biting your lip. Once you set the note down, you went over to your coffee maker and decided you’d thank him by bringing him a cup. “JARVIS, is Tony in his labs?” You asked as you brewed your cup first. This way his would be hotter by the time you got to him. 

“Yes, Miss. Do you need his assistance?” He asked. 

“No, tell him I’ll be down shortly, though?” 

Tony looked up when you walked in. His face lit up as he took the mug you held out for him. “Thank you for the flowers.” You smiled, leaning against a table. “I was not expecting those.” You chuckled before sipping your drink. 

“Well, when I saw the sky, I knew you’d like them.” He shrugged a shoulder as if it was something just anyone would do. “And I remember you like sunflowers.” You’d told him once before when telling him a story about your life growing up. “And, you���re welcome.” He smiled. “Thank you for the coffee.” He held his mug up slightly for a moment. “I need it. Working on this damn bug.” He sighed. 

You giggled, shaking your head. “I’ll let you get back to that.” You told him. “I’ll be in my room if you need me.” 

He nodded. “Enjoy your book.” He smirked when you looked at him. “You’re going to crack your sliding glass door, curl up under the blanket I got you last year for Christmas, and read.” He teased.

You were just kicking off your boots after working on your Christmas shopping when your phone went off. You were assuming it was Nat, asking you to come to girl’s night, or to watch a movie. It was Saturday night, after all. However, your eyebrows shot up at it being Tony. 

Letting out a sigh, you removed your coat and made your way back out of your door. Minutes later, you found yourself knocking on Nat’s. “Well, it wasn’t a break up, what’s that face for?” She raised an eyebrow, letting you in. 

“Tony.” You shrugged as she shut the door. “Apparently, he wants me to be his plus one at some event. He’s known for two months, and it’s next Friday. He asked me today. Well, like, less than half an hour ago.” 

“Yeah, we’re all going.” Nat shrugged. “Next Friday is his Christmas benefit for the kids.” She teased. “Did you honestly forget?” She laughed. 

You blushed. “I’m sorry, I was too busy being shocked that he was asking me on a date.” You admitted. “At least I already have my dress then.” You noted. “Well, I’m here, want to watch a movie before I head home and start wrapping presents?” You asked. 

She shrugged. “Sure, as long as you tell me what you got Tony.” She smirked. 

“I haven’t gotten his yet. What the hell do you get the man that has everything?! Or could build it, or buy it.” You half whined as the two of you moved to get comfortable. 

“Lingerie?” She asked. 

“I never pegged him for the type of guy to wear that…” You mused, thinking it over. He was over the top, so you could honestly see it now that you thought about it. 

Nat burst into laughter. “NO!” She was doubled over. “And it’s even funnier because you said ‘pegged’.” She wiped a tear from her cheek from laughing so hard. “No, I meant YOU wear it, and slap a bow on your ass. Pretty sure that would be what he wants.” She nudged you as your face turned a bright red. 

“….Oh.” You managed.

Tony’s hand was on your lower back, his other hand holding yours. The pair of you were dancing, and there was a twinkle in his eye. “So, Nat is the one who pointed out that I already knew about tonight.” You blushed, making him chuckle. “She thought it was amusing. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

He shrugged a shoulder. “I thought it was cute. I made you so flustered that you forgot.” He smirked. 

“Oh, really? And what if it’s because I had a long day of Christmas shopping for a super-spy, a super soldier, and an archer? Fully knowing my shopping wasn’t done yet.” You asked, an amused look on your face. 

He gasped playfully. “And not the child-like billionaire?” He asked. 

“Still trying to figure out what to get him.” You smiled. “It’ll come to me.” You promised. 

Holding you close, he nodded. “I’m sure it will. Well, I’m done all my Christmas shopping, and I am sure that you will love your present.” He told you. “Nat helped.” He laughed as your face fell, turning pale. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” He grinned. 

“So mean.” You leaned your head on his chest. 

Minutes later, Steve came over. “May I cut it?” He asked. 

You looked at him. “Sure, but I’m not sure which one of you would lead.” You chuckled. 

“Funny, doll.” He smiled as he took your hand, causing Tony to pout. “Hey, Clint still wants a dance, so does Bucky, Thor, and Sam…” He teased the poor inventor, pulling you into his arms. “You look beautiful tonight.” He told you as Tony excused himself. “And he’s too easy to mess with.” 

“Thank you. And he really is.” You giggled. “It’ll be even more fun come New Year’s when he’s drinking.” You smirked. “Then he’s really easy to get to.” You thought back to the previous year when, once he was drunk, you’d managed to convince him that he’d let you borrow his favorite car. And then ‘lost’ it. It didn’t last long, but his face was priceless. 

Steve laughed, nodding. “Hopefully we get more pictures this year.” 

“I’m sure we will.” You figured that Nat would be taking some to ‘prove’ that Tony was in love with you.

Much to your dismay, a mission came up. 

On Christmas Eve. 

Part of you expected Tony to pout, if you were being honest. Him, or Clint. Both were like giant children. Sitting on the Quinjet, you were talking with Wanda. While Steve got serious, some of you just relaxed, and others made a point to have a good time. Who knew if there’d be a mission someone didn’t come home from? Why make your last memories of them anything but happy?

Bucky nudged you. “Hey, doll?” He asked, making you look over. “You do most of the decorating, right?” 

“Yeah, why?” You chuckled. “I have for years, but I ask you guys for help as needed. You know that.” You teased. 

“Have you ever thought about putting stuff up in the Quinjet?” He was curious. “In case something like this happens. Why not make it festive in here, too?” 

You thought about it for a minute. “I never thought about it. When I’m decorating for Christmas, the last thing on my mind is possibly deadly missions with my friends.” You shrugged. “I mean, I can try to remember next year?” You offered. 

“It’s okay, I was honestly just curious. You’re like the elf of the tower.” He smirked. “It’s cute.” He winked. Nat smirked at him, shaking her head. She knew he was only doing it because Tony was close by. “I haven’t seen any mistletoe. Did you skip it this year?” 

Bucky was all over the place it seemed, making you stare at him for a moment. “Uh, thanks?” You replied, unsure. “And you don’t remember when poor Steve had to kiss almost all of us? In the course of maybe two days? I thought I’d be nice and let him have a break from lip locking this year.” You chuckled as you saw Steve blush and hide his face. He had indeed kissed nearly everyone the year before. And he’d been sober for them all! 

Tony looked over. “Who’s didn’t he end up kissing?” He asked, having been one of those that he had. 

You put your hand up. “Me, and I think Bruce?” You told him. “I only kissed Nat, Bucky, and Clint.” You thought back. 

Nat stuck her tongue out at him, teasing him that she’d kissed you and he hadn’t. “Shame you didn’t put them up again, I would have found a way to get you underneath the mistletoe again.” She winked at you playfully when you looked at her. 

“Me, too.” Bucky admitted. 

“And me.” Clint chimed in, even though no one knew that he was paying attention. He had his eyes closed, legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles, and his fingers laced together on his chest. “Especially with that body spray she only wears in the winter.” He added. 

You chuckled. “You mean the one that smells like cupcakes?” You asked. It was received for once the snow started to fall, and was put away once it was over. Cupcakes reminded you of baking with your dad as a kid, and you’d always make cupcakes. So, it was a nice reminder when the days got shorter, and colder. 

“You pay attention to her body spray?” Tony asked, surprised. 

Before Clint could answer, JARVIS let them know they’d be arriving in under two minutes. 

Your back was to a wall, your breathing coming out ragged. This was not as easy of a mission as you’d been hoping for. At the moment, you were actually hiding- not your proudest moment, either. Your leg had been shot, you had a split lip, you were sure you were sporting a shiner, and your shirt was sticking to you with blood. Some of it was yours, some of it wasn’t. You tried to push that thought from your mind as you closed your eyes. You nearly jumped when you heard Steve in your comm. “Y/N? You’re the only one not accounted for at the meetup.” His voice was firm, but the worry was there. 

Clenching your jaw, you replied. “Yeah, uh, about that.” You started. “Seems I got a bit…injured…in the process of taking some guys out.” You hissed as you pressed against your leg. 

It was Tony’s voice you heard next. “How bad is it? Can you get to us?” He asked quickly. 

You sagged. “No, I can’t.” You hated having to rely on them during missions. You wanted to be able to hold your own. “I got shot in the thigh for starters.” You leaned your head back against a wall. 

“For starters?!” Came a few voices, but you couldn’t pin point them all. 

“Can one of you just come get me before I pass out?” You asked, pain radiating from your wounds. “That would be great!” 

“On my way, doll.” Bucky spoke up. “Keep talking to me.” He told you, hoping to distract you from your pain. “Let me know where you are.” 

You sighed. “Alright.” You agreed before telling him where to find you.

The rest of the team waited in the quinjet while Bucky rushed to get to you. They had moved from the meet up point before he’d left them, so that he knew where to find them. Tony kept  his eyes on the entrance, jaw tight. “She’ll be fine.” Wanda told him. “It was her thigh. If anything, she’ll have to relax for a bit.” She shrugged. “Maybe I’ll ask her if she wants a movie marathon.” 

“She’s in pain, Wanda.” He reminded her. “Bad enough she was worrying about passing out. That doesn’t sound fine to me.” He sighed, not looking at her. “At all.” 

No one else bothered to try to calm him down, knowing it was useless. Until he saw you, he’d be worried. Then, it would shift to worry about you healing. People getting injured on missions was nothing new. It happened. They all knew that it bothered him so much more because it was you. 

Once he spotted Bucky,  you in his arms, he relaxed the tiniest bit. Your head was against Bucky’s shoulder, and your eyes were closed. “She passed out about halfway here.” He said softly, moving to lay you down. “Used my shirt as a tourniquet.” He explained, noting the raised eyebrow Nat was shooting his way. “I would have used hers, but…” He sighed, motioning to your blood stained shirt. 

“JARVIS, get us home.” Tony demanded, watching Bruce start to work on you. He cut your shirt up the middle, showing that your stomach wounds weren’t as bad as the shirt made it look. That was a minor comfort to him, though. The worst of it was a gash closest to the top of your pants. Letting out a sigh, he hoped they could get you more comfortable back at the tower. 

Groaning, you slowly opened your eyes to see Tony sitting there in a Y/F/C shirt. “When’d you get that?” You asked, licking  your dry lips. 

He looked up, grinning. “Uh, I had Nat go get it for me.” He chuckled. “Last night, while you were still out. I know it’s your favorite color.” He moved to sit on the side of your bed. “How’re you feeling?” He asked, taking your hand. 

“Like I got hit by a bus.” You told him honestly. “I didn’t think I was that bad.” You admitted. 

“I think that’s the drugs he gave you.” He shrugged. “The ‘good’ stuff.” He winked. “It’ll ease up, I’m sure.” He assured you. “Oh, and Wanda is currently finding nearly every Disney movie she can find.” You raised an eyebrow at him. “She thought it would be fun to have a movie marathon, and for some reason, she has her heart set on Disney.” He chuckled. 

You smiled. “She’s sweet.” You said softly. “Can I count on you to join us for a couple?” You asked shyly. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” He promised you, kissing your forehead. “Now, I’ll let Bruce check you out while I go order dinner.” He got up. “My place, or here?” He teased. 

“Depends on what the doctor says.” You chuckled. “See you for dinner.”

Bruce had said it was okay for you to leave, but walking wasn’t happening. That left you to either use a wheelchair, or be carried. You couldn’t use crutches, as that would stretch your stomach, and that would pull on the stitches on your lower stomach. You’d gone with the wheelchair (even if Bucky and Steve volunteered to carry you). 

Rolling out of the elevator onto Tony’s floor, you smiled when you saw Pepper. “Hey.” You greeted her. 

She turned. “Y/N!” She smiled. “I’m so glad you’re okay. Tony told me what happened.” She said, coming over to hug you. “How’re you feeling?” She asked gently. 

“Well, I’m not in a ‘hospital’ bed anymore, so much better.” You joked. “Oh, since I don’t know when we’re doing the whole Christmas exchange thing, you can go get your present? I know you go see family, too.” You smiled. “My presents are in a box on my living room floor. Yours is in a medium sized box.” 

“I think I’d rather wait to do mine with everyone else.” She told you. “Even if it’s not until after the New Year. You guys are my family, too.” She reminded you. 

Tony came in, making you attempt to turn your wheelchair. “I hate this thing.” You muttered, getting stuck half way. 

“Pepper, can you roll her to the living room?” He asked, hands full of food. “I’ll get everything set up.” He told her, smiling. 

She nodded, getting behind you. “I know you’d rather roll yourself, but don’t argue.” She said before you could say you could do it yourself. When you sighed, she chuckled, and started pushing you. “Looks cozy in here.” She looked around. Tony had a blanket and pillows in front of the fire place. 

“Thanks, Pepper.” He said, putting everything down. “I can take it from here.” He moved over to hug her. “Merry Christmas.” He smiled. 

“Merry Christmas. Both of you.” She hugged him back before waving to you. 

“Merry Christmas.” You waved. Once she was gone, you smiled at Tony. “So, dinner by a fire?” You asked shyly. “I’ll need help getting down there.” You pointed out. 

He moved over to gently lift you out of your chair. “Of course.” He got you settled on a pillow before getting the food. “What would you like to drink?” He asked, taking things out of the bags. 

“Well, Bruce still has me on pain killers. So, soda?” You chuckled. 

“One Y/F soda coming up.” He said easily, going to get a drink for each of you. He hoped that you weren’t weirded out by him trying to show you how much he cared about you. 

Sitting on the couch, your leg over Wanda’s lap as you finished up The Little Mermaid. “What’s next?” You asked her, as she was the one who had set this up. 

“Enchanted.” She smiled. “It doesn’t get enough credit for being amazing.” She said quickly. “It’s one of my favorites.” She popped a piece of popcorn in her mouth.

You had to admit, you saw why this was a favorite. It had you giggling, and you loved Pip. “Okay, Pip is the best.” You grinned. 

“Right?” She agreed easily. “He was my text tone for awhile.” She chuckled. 

When ‘That’s How You Know’ came on, you started to listen and your jaw dropped. “You’ve gotta be shitting me.” You gasped. 

“What?” She paused it, looking at you confused. “What’s wrong?” 

You looked at her. “Tony’s done all that!” You stared at her. “Literally. I don’t even think he’d know, as I can’t see him watching this.” You explained. “A couple months ago? He left me a note and sunflowers because it was dreary out. He asked me to that Christmas ball thing and danced with me as much as he could. When I woke up after the mission? He was wearing my favorite color shirt. And then when I got out? He got us dinner…which we ate in front of the fire in his living room.” You grabbed your phone to text him. 

You stared at your phone. “Hey, can you help me back into my chair? I need to go see Tony.” You swallowed, looking at her. 

She smiled and gently moved your leg. “Yeah, I think I can do that.” She nodded.

Hearing the elevator to his labs, he looked over to see you rolling in. “So…” You said shyly. “You love me?” You asked him. 

“Yeah, I do.” He smiled. “Have for awhile.” He shrugged, setting his phone down before making his way to you. “Thought you were mad or something.” He blushed lightly, a look that you weren’t used to seeing on him. 

“No wonder my phone was going off so much.” You teased. “I’m not mad, Tony.” You promised him. “Not even close.” You grinned up at him. “I love you, too.” You admitted softly. “I just don’t think it really hit me until that damn song.” You giggled. 

He crouched so you didn’t have to look up at him anymore. “So, can I take you on a real date?” He asked. 

You nodded. “Once I can walk.” You chuckled. “A wheelchair in New York? I give major props to anyone who is can do that. I, however, don’t think I’d last more than five minutes before I want to hurt someone.” You admitted. 

“Deal.” 

“Ready for your first dance, Mrs. Stark?” Tony asked, your hand in his. 

You smiled over at him. “I’ve been ready.” You told him easily. “Let’s get out there and start this party.” You leaned over to peck his lips. 

He kissed you back. “There’s one part of that song I missed.” He pointed out, making you raised an eyebrow at him. “I never dedicated a song to you.” 

“You’re thinking of that now?” You teased. “After three years?” You asked. 

“Yup.” He laughed. “I’ll have to change that after I spin you around that dance floor.” 

[vixstarria]

A night at the inn (part 1)

A night of relaxation at the inn. Inspired by a cursed screenshot of Astarion looking loopy, drunk and high.   

Astarion x Reader, Astarion x Tav, tbc in part 2

Comfort, fluff, humour, banter, goes from very silly to very horny 

Bits that are definitely not canon that were written solely for my (and hopefully your) amusement. 

TW: It’s all very much in jest, but maybe give this one a skip if you’re struggling with any kind of substance addiction.  

Approximately 2,000 words 

AO3

“Don't be ridiculous, these silly druidic herbs have absolutely no effect on me, vampires have a natural immunity. Pass me the pipe again, I’ll prove it,” Astarion giggled uncontrollably.  

“Just hold on to it, friend, I don’t think anyone else will benefit from it,” replied Halsin. 

You, Astarion, Halsin, Karlach and Shadowheart were gathered in one of the inn’s rooms.  

Gale and Wyll were off doing whatever people who didn’t like having fun did. Possibly playing chess or reciting poetry to each other. And Lae’zel had had one look at your gathering before chk’ing, saying that someone competent needed to keep a cool head, and stalking off. 

You and Astarion were sitting crosswise on one of the beds, you nestled between his legs, your back against his chest. Shadowheart lounged on the opposite bed, with Karlach and Halsin settling on the floor between the beds.  

A scattering of glasses and opened bottles surrounded you, and a light haze hung in the air. Tadpoles, vampire lords, demons and gods could all wait until tomorrow. Tonight, for all you cared, all was well in your world.   

Earlier, Halsin had laid out an assortment of herbs, most of which you couldn’t name, and busied himself with mixing them in varying proportions and stuffing them into several smoking implements. Karlach had declined, saying there was no point and that she would stick to grog. You and Shadowheart partook in Halsin's ‘herbalist mastery' together with the druid. And now, to everyone's disbelief and amusement, so did Astarion. 

“What in the hells is in this?!” Astarion tittered, leaning back against the wall, his eyes shut and an idiotic smile on his face. You couldn’t look at him, lest it set off yet another chain reaction of giggling. 

“Part of it is moonflower, which mostly serves as an amplifier,” Halsin answered, cautiously. 

“And? What else?” You wondered whether whatever it was might help Astarion with his nightmares. The scent of the herb was vaguely familiar, but you couldn’t quite place what it was.  

“Wait! I want to guess.” Shadowheart leaned over to whisper to Halsin. He shook his head at her suggestions. Once he whispered back to her with the correct answer she collapsed on the bed with a guffaw. “Oh gods... So it is official.” 

“Halsin...” Astarion croaked. “Halsin, I will stab you... What did you give me?!” 

“I had a hunch, but it was intended as a joke – I didn’t really think it would do anything.” Halsin almost sounded apologetic.  

“Well, spill the beans, what is he smoking that’s so damned funny?! Vampire dust? Cow dung? Some kind of goblin foot fungus?” Karlach was also growing impatient.  

Halsin shook his head, laughing.  

“It’s catnip,” Shadowheart managed, still doubled over. “He’s losing his mind on catnip!” 

Once Astarion regained his ability to speak coherently, you couldn’t get him to shut up.  

Astarion hardly ever took lead in group conversations. He tended to stay on the outskirts of discussions, albeit always ready with a quip or observation. You wondered if his newfound loquaciousness was a glimpse of what he might have been like some 200 years ago. 

It helped that Karlach was bombarding him with questions about vampirism, which he was ordinarily reserved about.  

“So what happens if you consume normal food? Can you drink?” she asked. 

“Well... Kind of..? Although I think the tadpole has had some additional influence. I can drink liquids without becoming ill, as long as it’s not too much. They tend to taste vile or like nothing at all, or not have any effect on me. Coffee smells amazing but tastes like dirt, for example. But potions work, somehow,” he rambled. “Solids are a complete disaster though”. He refused to elaborate.  

“And the wine?” she persisted.  

“Red wine is palatable,” he said, swirling some in a glass that he held in his hand. “But if you want better than ‘palatable’ you really need something of good quality.” 

“You’re just a snob,” you interjected. 

“That may be so, but this is about having something called standards, darling, I’ll teach you about them someday”, he said with a kiss to your temple, as you elbowed him. “But there are ways of going around poor wine.” 

Astarion took your hand in his, pressing his lips against it. 

“May I?”  

Once he had your approval, he carefully punctured the tip of your ring finger with a fang. You idly mused about how completely unfazed you had become by having your skin pierced, as he dripped some of your blood into his wine. 

“Now stir.” He licked the drops of wine from your finger once you were done, and had a sip from his glass. “Like adding honey to tea... Now it’s delectable.” 

“Freaks,” said Karlach, lovingly.  

The conversation moved to him debating wines from various regions with Shadowheart, a subject they were both perhaps unsurprisingly well-versed in.  

“How kind of Lady Shar to leave you such detailed knowledge of something that truly matters, when wiping out so many other memories,” he observed.  

Eventually, the topic changed to Karlach’s years in the Hells, and what it had been like to set just about everything she touched ablaze until Dammon’s recent assistance.  

“Could you do me a favour and hold my hand in yours for a moment?” said Astarion, leaning towards and holding out a hand to Karlach.  

“I haven’t done this in so long this still makes me nervous, you know,” she said, taking his hand in both of hers. “Sorry if I lose my cool and burn you.” 

“I’m sure I’ve had worse,” he replied humourlessly. “...That should do it,” he said after a short while. “Gods, you really do run like a furnace.” You wondered where this was going.  

“Now could everyone look away? I’m about to do something disgustingly sentimental.” 

Immediately, four pairs of eyes including your own were locked on him.  

“Voyeuristic pricks...” he sighed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

He ran the back of his fingers delicately down your cheek before cupping it in his hand. It was warm, almost hot, as you nuzzled into it.  

“Well isn’t that cute,” Shadowheart remarked into her glass of wine.  

Astarion wasn’t always cold to the touch, not exactly. He became warmer after drinking blood. His body was heated by sunshine on sunny days, just like anything else. And after spending some time under blankets with you he felt almost cozy to snuggle against. But he’s never radiated heat the way the hand against your cheek did now.  

“It doesn’t feel like you,” you mustered, looking into his eyes. He gave you a wistful smile.  

“...If there is any other bodypart you’d like me to warm up for Tav’s benefit, do fuck off before you even ask,” said Karlach, breaking the brief silence that had descended onto the room, and the tender moment was gone, overtaken by yet another uproar of laughter. 

Things quieted down as the evening wore on. 

“I wonder what Lae’zel is doing,” said Shadowheart, who had been silently gazing off into space and occasionally blowing smoke rings for the past while. “Probably something infuriating.” 

“You should go tell her how utterly unimpressed you are with her,” goaded Astarion. 

“I should... I will,” she said, suddenly getting up, determination writ on her face, exiting the room with a surprisingly steady step. 

Karlach sighed. 

“I better go look after her and make sure they don’t need to be taken apart. ...Or that no one else does, if they don’t.” She followed Shadowheart.  

“Nature calls,” said Halsin, also getting up. “And I don’t think anyone’s fed Scratch and the owlbear cub.” 

It was just you and Astarion, who had been grazing your neck with his fangs with increasing impatience. 

“Do it,” you said as soon as the door shut behind Halsin. Instantly, you felt an icy chill in your neck and released a small moan as he bit down, drawing your blood, his hands roaming your body.  

“I’ve been thinking of nothing else for hours,” he breathed hoarsely, once he had his fill. Having a miniscule amount of your blood in his wine and then being unable to sate himself more thoroughly would have been the ultimate tease for him. He really did not think that through, per usual.  

You could have offered him your wrist at some point, your companions had witnessed that on numerous occasions. But you knew you both wanted something more intimate. And private.  

You sank onto the bed with Astarion on top of you, as he continued to lick at the puncture wounds, to get them to stop bleeding.  

“Think Halsin’s coming back?” you murmured.  

“Of course he is. Haven’t you seen how he’s been looking at us?” He wedged his hips between your legs as he continued to suck and lick at your neck, more slowly now.  

"Oh, has he been looking at us in some particular way?” you feigned ignorance. Astarion raised his head briefly to shoot you a look that said ‘oh please’.  

“Do you want him..?” He rolled his hips deliciously into yours as he asked that.  

“Stop teasing,” you whispered. You knew he wasn’t going to let you do anything with the erection you felt pressed against you. 

“Never. Do you want him?” He gave you a mischievous look.  

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

“Sorry darling, I’ll try to do a better job at explaining.” He raised himself back up, his face hovering just above yours. “Do you want to feel his hot, hard cock pumping in and out of you, while I watch?” He studied your reaction closely. “Oh you would like that, wouldn’t you..?” 

“Astarion-” It wasn’t easy to make you blush, but somehow he always found a way when he wanted to.   

“Shh love, I already know everything you’re going to say.” Astarion raised his voice in pitch (resulting in something that definitely DID NOT sound anything like you) and returned to your neck, planting a kiss further down with each sentence: “’I love you, Astarion. I only want you, Astarion. I don’t think you’re ready for this, Astarion. You’re going to regret this, Astarion.’” 

“How about, ‘you’re intoxicated, Astarion’?” 

“Barely,” he scoffed. “It’s worn off.” He tugged at your blouse’s lacing with his teeth. 

“Or maybe it’s ‘no, I don’t want that, Astarion’,” you lied.  

He chuckled at those words and came back up to whisper in your ear. 

“My love... You’re forgetting I can hear your heartbeat. I can smell your arousal. Every time your breath hitches and your heart speeds up – I know. Any time blood suddenly rushes somewhere in your body – I know...”  

“That is an entirely unfair advantage,” you protested. 

“Yes, having a lover that anticipates your every need and reads you like a book is so, so tragically unfair, your poor, poor thing...” 

“And also it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it!” you continued. 

“Porridge,” Astarion whispered in his most seductive voice, grinding against you. “The philosophy and theory of divination, volume four. A bulging coin purse. Gale’s purple pajamas. ...Nope, nothing.” Astarion smirked, and continued in a more normal voice, stilling. “Now let’s try... You dripping wet and begging us both for mercy before the night is over.” He grinned wryly as you let out an involuntary whimper. “I thought so...” 

“You’ve told me yourself, you don’t want to share me with anyone,” you persisted.  

“It’s your heart I can’t bear to share. And he’s a wood elf,” Astarion said dismissively. “He may as well be a walking penis, who would get emotionally involved with that?” 

“You did not just call our honourable companion, the esteemed archdruid of the Emerald Grove a walking penis!” you hissed, choking on laughter, covering his mouth with your hand.  

“A giant phallus on legs,” Astarion mumbled stubbornly against your palm, licking it.  

You heard footsteps approaching the door.  

“Do you really want this?” you whispered, angling Astarion’s face to make him look you in the eyes, and releasing his mouth. “Be serious for a second.” 

“I want this,” he said, holding your gaze. “I really want this. As long as you do too.” 

The door opened, and you both turned your heads to regard the tall, broad figure that paused in the entryway, leaning against the doorframe.  

“Is it company or privacy you desire?” 

~~~~~

Part 2

More of my chaos gremlins

AO3

[fox-bright]

Distracting myself from the world outside my yard, as much as I can, by planning out the seed-starting which will begin this weekend.

Usually my garden planning doesn't feel as grim as this. But there's still some joy in it, even if I'm plotting out just how much of our food is going to have to come from the garden this year, and maybe for the next half-decade or so.

I keep trying to write cheerful beginning-of-the-season garden posts, and they come out of my fingers like this:

Forty percent of our nation's homegrown produce is harvested by undocumented immigrants. Another fifteen or so percent is harvested by documented immigrants with work visas, not that ICE is treating them any differently in their raids (nor citizens, for that matter, scooped up indiscriminately as long as they're brown). During the last Trump administration, crops rotted in the fields because there was no one to harvest them; this time around, it's going to be worse. That is true regardless of whether or not RFK gets to institute the "wellness drug rehabilitation farms" that he's talked about in interviews (which, to be clear, would be concentration camps full of Undesirables such as people who use drugs, protestors, and queers). I do not attempt to put my need to eat over the humanity of the people who provide my food. This is a double-fisted problem, here--the Republicans took something that wasn't a problem and made it into their voters' boogeyman, and now it's going to become an actual nightmare for anyone involved, and *everyone* is involved. Hunger is the most singleminded need there is. A starving person can only think about food.

Sixty percent of the fresh fruit eaten in the States, and forty or so percent of the vegetables, are imported, largely from Mexico and Canada, though we get plenty from SE Asia and other places. Tariffs and our generally being increasingly xenophobic, racist assholes is going to take a measurable toll on agricultural imports.

And we've already spent the last couple of years in a Trump-mediated Age of Listeria; that's sure to get considerably worse as even more regulations (and regulators, and inspectors) are eliminated. A person who can't even trust their food won't trust anything else.

I get this far and then I put the pen down, and I return my gaze to the sheets and sheets of handwritten seed inventory lists with their columns of variety types and days-to-maturity, 55 days, 65 days, 80 days from planting out to fruit, and I take a couple of breaths, and I start writing again.

I'm increasing the size of the garden. I had a whole series of posts planned about it, about building the new beds and setting up trellises and beanpoles, fixing the fence as best I can, building new steps off of the low back porch so that I don't have to carry every baby plant out the kitchen door. I need to find about seven or eight hundred dollars for trucked-in soil for raised beds; I'd really thought in the Autumn that I would have a full year to sort this out, and I don't, so I'm trying to figure out a way to fund-raise. Sell some handmade semiprecious gem jewelry? Open a garden blog Patreon? I dunno. Everything is tight for everyone, and that is not shortly to improve. Leave it to the side. Not important tonight.

Eyes back on the blue-lined page. Amish Paste, Black Krim, Black Plum, Brandywine. So many varieties. Enough to share, if I plan my plantings carefully. Beans, grown for green eating and pickling, even now it doesn't make sense to grow dry beans, not with how many pounds a year this household consumes. Sweet potatoes, this year, slips ordered online for the first time, and I find I'm a little nervous about them. I've never grown a sweet potato before, but people say they're easy, and they're high in a lot of nutrients, and they keep.

Next page. Flowers. Marigolds, nasturtiums, violas.

I try to put a flower in the ground every time I transplant a vegetable. Doing so increases the vegetable yield, since it improves pollinator coverage, but also it's just nice for my soul to be able to clip flowers and bring them in to present to my husband, to have on the counter when I'm frying eggs for breakfast, to stick haphazardly behind my ear and wear on my daily walk. So tonight I'm sitting here with a pen and paper, deciding what I want to grow for food this year, deciding how much energy I can devote to flowers. Nasturtiums, marigolds, bachelor's buttons and borage and cosmos are all edible, and common in my vegetable garden; I'm doing a bunch of zinnias this year as usual, but I'll probably be direct-sowing those this year. Won't have room in the seedling closet when I've got to start so much more food than before. But I can devote *some* energy to the flowers, and I know they'll give me back what I give to them.

There's a clatter off the roof, ice sliding down to collide with whatever it can hit. We've got a wintry mix happening outside right now, little pats of slush falling from the sky to freeze hard on my trellises, and summer now seems far away, but it isn't. It's a very brief time before Last Frost and things will need to get into the ground, and I know that no matter how bleak I feel right now, and how much harder things are likely to be by then, bright-faced zinnias will be a joy when they bloom. Every source of energy is a source of energy. No one can function entirely on rage.

One foot ahead of the other. Seedling mix into my seed trays, tomorrow, and water; the day after I'll sow seeds, and put the trays under the lights. Step by step and in the summer there will be tomatoes and chard, asparagus beans and watermelons and nasturtiums. One foot ahead of the other.

[jamdoughnutmagician]

Head Over Heels.

Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader (Fluff)

Hastily written yesterday evening, because I just wanted to write something tooth-rottingly sweet (seriously call your dentist, you're gonna have some cavities!) just in time for valentine's day with my beloved Stevie <3

also this is a Steve Harrington song and you can't change my mind

Word Count:1, 449

*dividers made by @strangergraphics

Masterlist // Steve Harrington Masterlist

A sweet vanilla bean milkshake shared with two straws, and a basket of hot and salty french fries sit between Steve and his sweet girl in a booth of a small, kitschy diner on a bright and breezy February fourteenth in Hawkins. Valentine’s Day. Steve can’t help the giddy thrum of his heart against his chest as he looks across the table at you. Sugar-sweet hearts cloud his vision when he’s with you.The diner’s stereo seems to play that same Tears For Fears song that he swears he hears every time you’re near.

I wanted to be with you alone, and talk about the weather…

His teenage years he was so concerned about being Mr. Popular. Always seen with a new girl under his arms seemingly every month, with no prospect of anything permanent in his love life. But, now as he sits opposite the girl he could only dream of in his wildest fantasies, there’s the free-falling feeling of being dizzyingly head over heels. 

 When he thinks about how you two met for the first time, he couldn’t imagine how lucky he would be that you would stick around for him.

It’s another slow and boring day in family video. The radio is quietly playing an endless loop of dumb pop songs through their crackling speakers. 

…but traditions I can trace against the child in your face, won't escape my attention…

Steve takes stock of all the missing, overdue return tapes when Robin nudges him a pointy elbow to his ribs and a pair of raised eyebrows.

He shrugs it off, figuring Robin’s just trying to annoy him, but then it happens again and this time there’s slightly more force behind this jab to his ribs and the raised eyebrows come with a little noise at the back of her throat as if she’s trying to tell him something without squawking to the rest of the shop about what’s going on.

“Total babe, heading your way at one o’clock, dingus.”

Steve checks his watch with a flick of his eyes down to his wrist 

“It’s only ten o’clock by my watch…oof! Hey! What are you hitting me for?” 

But it’s only too late before the reason for Robin hitting him so hard is standing right in front of him. 

He'd recognised you immediately, how could he not? He'd had a raging crush on you all throughout his high school years, but he'd never dared to do anything about it. You weren’t part of his popular clique, choosing to hang around with those more academically-inclined than himself. If he could have throttle his teenage self for believing in such stupid constructs like social suicide, then he would have. 

But now you were here in front of him, and Steve was silently thanking the universe for giving him a second chance.

“Hi, I’d like to check out these videos, please.” you smile sweetly, placing down a copy of Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club on the countertop.

Steve used to pride himself on being a confident, and nonchalant kind-of-guy when it came to girls. Pretending not to care as a way to get girls to like him, but as he looked at you he couldn’t help but feel a little tongue tied at how pretty you were.

“I-is it a-uh- a double feature for you tonight?” he stumbles as he begins to ring you up.

“Yeah, I guess it is. Molly Ringwald is such a great actress y’know?” you reply.

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” he says, fighting against the flaring pink blush that's rising to his freckled cheeks. 

Robin is behind him, hiding behind her hands, watching this car crash of an interaction. She was going to have to do something to rescue this floundering doofus.

“Say, Steve, isn’t there a showing of that new Molly Ringwald film at the drive-in theatre next week?” Robin says, laying her hand on his back with a reassuring pat. “

“Uh, I think so?” he says, thankful for his friend for jumping in to save him.

“Pretty in Pink?” you pipe up. “I haven’t seen it, but I’d really love to.”

Robin slyly nudges him again and this time Steve takes the hint.

“Would you like to, perhaps, if you’re not busy that is, go with me to see it?” he manages to get out with minor fumbling.

“Sure, that sounds great!” you quickly scribble something down the stack of post-it notes before handing it over with the money for your video tapes. “Here’s my number, I’m free on Saturdays.” 

“It’s a date.” he smiles dumbly. “I mean..I-uh-I look forward to seeing you on that day.. on saturday..” he scrambles quickly to correct himself.

“It’s a date.” you smile, and with that you flounce out of the door.

He looks down to the note in his hand.

Your number, and your name.

“I thought you used to be good at this, King Steve?” Robin teases mercilessly.

“I did too.” he chuckles to himself. 

I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?

Saturday night rolls around, and after gaining the confidence to actually call your number and set up a time for the date Steve is ready to go.

His hair ruffled and his favourite casual jeans and shirt are thrown on before he goes to pick you up.

Bouncing on his heels as he rings your doorbell as he eagerly awaits your answer.

You look down-right adorable in your soft pink sweater, and matching plaid skirt. 

“Ready to go?” he grins, as he offers you his arm to take.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

..Something happens and I'm head over heels, I never find out until I'm head over heels…

The scent of candy-sweet popcorn and your floral perfume are swirling in Steve’s senses, and the way you're leaning into him as his arm carefully snakes around your shoulders makes him feel like he’s floating on cloud nine.

It’s cosy and delightfully nice to be in your presence, and the quiet chatter that flows between you in between the movie scenes is so easy.

The credits start to roll on the movie, and yet Steve can’t find it in his heart to care about moving quiet yet. The way you slot so perfectly tucked under his arm just feels so right.

“Thanks so much for this Steve, I had a great time.” you smile, turning your head to gaze up at him in the dusky evening glow. 

Your eyes are on his honeyed hazel eyes, his soft caramel brown hair, and the scattering of sun-bronzed freckles across his tan skin. He's so effortlessly handsome and sitting so close to him like this makes you giddy.

Your gaze flicks down to his lips, wondering if they feel as soft as the look. 

And then in a break of the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you, Steve asks you the question you had been hoping to hear all evening.

“May I kiss you?” he asks, his own eyes tracing over the curve of your lips.

“You may.” You beam.

Then in a moment of almost cinematic proportions, his lips are on your. An insistent, but plush press of tender romance igniting a warming fire in your heart. His warm hand gently cupping your cheek, as if needing to hold you close will help to ground him in the reality of the moment. To reassure him that he isn't floating away into some kind of candy-coated dream.

Your lips slot against his so perfectly, that you can't stop yourself from smiling into the kiss as you follow his lead. Your cheeks are blooming with heat under his gentle touch.

And when you part, a strawberry sheen of lip gloss shared between you, both of you sporting kiss-pink lips and matching love glazed expressions there is a beat of silence before Steve speaks up again.

“I know it’s only our first date, but I really enjoyed being with you. Can I take you out again next week too?”

“It's a date.” You reply, kissing the soft peach of his cheek.

“What are you thinking about over there, Stevie?” you ask, as you pluck the glassy red cherry from swirlied cream top of your milkshake.

“Just thinking about how much I love you. About how lucky I am to have you in my life.” he answers honestly, a sugar-pink sheen blushing across his freckled cheeks. 

He’d always been a loverboy, but now, with you in his life, he finally had someone who was going to accept him for all that he was, lover-boy tendencies included.

..Something happens and I'm head over heels, I never find out until I'm head over heels.

@penguinsandpotterheads @abitchyouhate @mrsjellymunson @eddiesxangel @rebelfell @songbirdmunson @ali-r3n @seatnights @daisy-is-a-writer

[suguboos]

YOU HAVE CHOSEN SUGUBOOS AS YOUR STREAMING PROVIDER

SELECT YOUR ARTIST:

MULTIPLE

track 01. at the same damn time!!—streaming time: drabble

artists featured: g. satoru & g. suguru helping you get over your ex

FUSHIGURO, TOJI

track 01. double or nothing—streaming time: 4.9k

after countless empty promises spilled from his lips, you wanted to believe that he’d show up to your anniversary of all things

track 02. getting sticky—streaming time: drabble

spider-man toji.

track 03. háblame nasty—streaming time: drabble

GETO, SUGURU

track 01. body paint—streaming time: 5.8k

the plan was just to get a tattoo for your birthday. so far so good. but how’d you end up getting eaten out too?

track 02. symbiosis—streaming time: 6.2k

absorbing curses was simple enough, right? until your boyfriend absorbs something that isn’t quite a curse.

track 03. wicked games—streaming time: 5.2k

marriage. what usually came as a union of love came as a status of power to the gojo clan. but before you step foot at the altar, tell him you love him. only for tonight?

KAMO, CHOSO

track 01. candy shop—streaming time: drabble

horny and inexperienced, choso stumbles across a sex shop nearby. little did he know his purchase of a toy would include more than stellar customer service.

GOJO, SATORU

track 01. used to be my girl—streaming time: 6.4k

getting stuck baby catsitting a high maintenance ball of fur wasn't how you planned on spending your saturday. and then your ex shows up for the same thing. yay!

NANAMI, KENTO

track 01. behind closed doors—streaming time: drabble

when your husband’s secretary acts just a little too friendly around him.

track 02. ex! husband shows up w ur shared dog—streaming time: drabble

track 03. where this flower blooms—streaming time: drabble

after his son’s unable to grow his bean plant, nanami goes over to your little shop.

SUKUNA, RYOMEN

has not made his debut yet :(

SMAUs

track 01. here, kitty kitty

where you bring a new pet home without them knowing

track 02. at home picasso!

them showing off your kid’s art project

track 03. was it ever me??

you find out you were their rebound.

track 04. just casual?

in which they want more but you.. don’t?

track 05. freak mode: deactivated?!

where you aren’t on the same freakquency

YOU REACHED THE END OF THE CASSETTE

upd: april 23, 2025

[autisticalastor]

you stole my heart (but i don't want it back again)

Pairing: Alastor/Charlie

Rating: G

Tags: Fluff, Established Relationship, Marriage Proposals, Demiromantic Asexual Alastor

A/N: Had the idea of "What if Alastor invokes his deal with Charlie when he's ready to propose?" and it was just too cute not to run off with! I feel like he'd be super nervous about the whole thing, so it's kind of "If you have to go on this date, so do I" kinda deal so he can't back out at the last minute. Anyways, time for some stupid cute Radiobelle! Title is from Evergreen by Dirt Poor Robins (which, ironically enough, is the song I want to be the first dance at my own wedding)!

Perfect. Everything has to be perfect. Alastor’s been planning this out for a while now, and he'll just about double-die if anything goes wrong. And he's pretty sure double-Hell wouldn't have Charlie, so he's not too keen on that idea. He’s spent the last few days going over his plan in detail, running things over a hundred times with Rosie because Charlie has to say yes, and generally killing himself with worry over the whole ordeal. Rosie keeps assuring him everything’s going to be fine, but fine isn’t good enough.

Today is supposed to be the day. It’ll take him all day to get everything ready while also dealing with the hotel, but he’s planned everything in such detail, he knows he can get it all done. He’ll be handling all the cooking, Niffty already said she’d handle setup for everything else if he wanted. Really, he’s surprised she hasn’t spilled the beans to Charlie yet with how excited she is alone. He wishes he could feel excited, but all he feels is nervous.

The hardest part will be actually going through with it. He’s been thinking of proposing for a while, but always managed to talk himself out of it. He’s never seen himself as the marrying type before, and it’s only since getting into this relationship with Charlie that he’s realized it’s because he doesn’t really think he’s marriage material. There’s plenty of men and women out there better than him, and even now, he’s certain she’ll realize that one day and it’ll all be over.

He idly considers calling the whole plan off again. And then, Charlie comes over to talk to him, bright-eyed and ready to start the day, immediately standing on tiptoe to give him a kiss. She has a habit of doing things that just wipe his entire brain clean, and this is definitely one of those things.

“Good morning, darling,” he says, pulling her against him in a warm embrace.

“Morning,” she replies, looping her arms around his neck. “You looked like you needed a bit of a mental reset. Everything all right?”

This is it. He’s supposed to ask her to come out with him tonight. That’s all he has to do right now, not even the hardest part. So why does he suddenly feel like his heart’s beating a mile a minute? They’ve had hundreds of date nights at this point. She won’t suspect a thing. There’s nothing to be so anxious about. Yet.

“Actually, I did have a small favor to ask…”

“Oh, anything you need! What is it?”

He still can’t bring himself to do it. One step closer to proposing is also one step closer to her potentially saying no. He’s going to back out, like he always does. There’s no way he can go through with this. Unless…

Keep Reading

[happypedrohours]

Good morning, fellow Happy Pedro Hours partakers! We hope you had a great night and we're looking forward to the next one aka tonight, June 22nd!

The first pit stop after a night of fun with friends is definitely some hot drink to wake up and face the day, so we asked some of our writer friends what they think Pedro Boys would drink and they came up with some brilliant ideas that you will find under the cut.

Jack has neat black coffee because he doesn't see why you should add anything else. Except whiskey, of course.

Shane doesn't like coffee but he's been known to sneak a white mocha frappucino when nobody is watching.

Javi G, being very European, would do a cappucino in the morning but if he wakes up later in the day, he'd switch to an espresso with a bit of sugar in it.

Or Javi G would drink a cortado.

Pietro Alvarez will do a double espresso with almost an equal ratio of sugar.

Maxwell Lord skips the coffee because he's already way too wound up on a regular day, so maybe he'd go for a decaf or just some tea.

Marcus Moreno doesn't drink too much coffee in a day because it doesn't always agree with his stomach. He'll have a plain cup in the morning at time, but if he stops at a coffee house, he'll try a cappucino because Missy always raves about it.

Tim will drink black at the police station because the coffee isn't any good so leyt's not even consider that powdery creamer, but if he orders at a coffee shop, he'll sometimes go for some cream in it.

Joel Miller (pre-outbreak) drinks Folgers because it was on sale. He adds his cream and 2-4 spoons of sugar (depending of it he had to bail Tommy out of jail or back him up in a fight or threaten to fight a kid because they gave Sarah a weird look). Joel is that dad, we love him for it.

Joel Miller (post-oubreak) drinks any coffee he can find, even beans are welcome. He stays awake and doesn't have to deal with his nightmares.

Or Joel would drink weak American coffee in like a tub

Din might drink caf if Grogu has kept him up when he was trying to sleep while the ship was in hyperdrive, otherwise he sticks to water. Very practical.

Dave York is a man who "closes deals" so to speak. He has some fancy Italian blend that he tells his secretary to get him and he hides it from Carol and the kids because he wants to be the only one who has it. Also too expensive to share.

Or Dave York is a coffee snob, interested in different roasts and beans.

Ezra is happy to have anything that will keep him awake so he can keep an eye on his pod. Taste doesn't matter. If he's ever able to relax, he might like some caramel. It's not too fancy but not too basiceither.

Frankie drinks Lifer juice (black coffee). Dark roast, though, he needs to be wide awake. Benny was making taco jokes all night and he dozed on the couch and has a crick in his neck. We're taking volunteer applications to give him a massage.

Strong coffee for Frankie, I can actually see him going for like a triple or quadrupple espresso when given the chance.

Or Frankie takes his coffee just black and strong.

Oberyn would go for some tea or herbal infusion instead.

Dieter drinks any and every sweet thing you can put in six shots of expresso to keep him awake and with a grin for this next scene with the actor he left with one of his monogrammed butt plugs up their ass and did not call the next day.

Or Dieter drinks "extra everything, cream, sugar, any of those coffee syrups if you have them."

Lucien has Cuban coffee with his cigarette in the morning and the afternoon.

Javier Pena drinks it black with a spoon of sugar or two because the Senora says he needs some sweet. He's a sucker for pleasing ladies, old and young.

Or Javi P obviously drinks Colombian coffee.

Thanks to @avastrasposts, @nerdieforpedro, @lady-bess, @for-a-longlongtime for their thoughts!

Do you have other coffee order headcanons for Pedro Boys? If so, we'd love to hear them! Drop us a comment to share them!

[theranilord]

*****

Agent Stone had to admit the dinner was better than he would've expected for such a small town. He had held a rather pleasant conversation with Maddie and, to an extent Tom. In another life, maybe they could've been friends, but Stone was loyal to Robotnik first and foremost. Their double date had been remarkably boring, save for Wade trying to eat one of the plastic fruits in the centerpiece.

"Well, I had better get going. Early morning tomorrow." Stone stood and nodded politely to Tom and Maddie, even giving Maddie a firm handshake. Wade stood up and said his goodbyes, following Stone out the door.

"You want me to walk you home?" Wade asked smiling at Agent Stone, who gave him a briefly confused look.

"You drove us here." There was a pause in the conversation and Stone suddenly felt the weight of the night on his shoulders. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like a ride back to the Mean Bean."

They walked to the squad car and Wade opened the door for Agent Stone before getting in the driver's seat. Their rode back was uneventful as Stone decided not to distract Wade with idle conversation. They pulled up in front of the Mean Bean and Stone climbed out, watching with a mix of surprise and confusion as Wade got out and joined him.

"What are you doing?"

"I, uh.... I was gonna walk you to your door..." Stone paused, and then nodded sharply. Maybe he could still gain some information tonight.

"Very well, I live above the shop." Agent Stone leaned his head to the side, almost pointing at the steps on the side of the building that led up to the apartment above. Stone weighed in his head how to best pry information from the deputy, given all he had observed tonight. He needed to play this just right.

As they reached the front door at the top on the stairs, Stone turned to Wade and sized him up quickly.

Pupils dialated, breathing hard, light perspiration on forehead, and uncertain what to do with his hands. He's clearly trying to use the dating cliche playbook. Likely Wade was expecting at least a kiss, Agent Stone could use this.

"Would you like to come in?" He asked, his voice going down an octave. He smiled at Wade and knew he hit the mark when Wade began stuttering and chuckling awkwardly.

"Sure!" He said almost too enthusiastically. Stone unlocked the door and led Wade inside.

[howlingday]

Imagine Jaune as Scott Sterling(from Studio C). How funny would that be? Pyrrha would probably sue the coach and let Nora beat up the team.

Oobleck: Welcome back to our coverage of the game between Teams RWBY and JNPR.

Port: If you're just joining us today, you've missed most of an unbelievably well fought match between two incredible teams tonight. It has all come down to the final, penalty shots. All it takes is enough points for either team. Here comes the kick...

Pyrrha: (Kicks, Scores goal)

Oobleck: OH! SPECTACULAR! Team JNPR's star player, Pyrrha Nikos, has just landed a goal for her team, so now the burden rests on Team JNPR's goal-keeper, Jaune Arc.

Port: Here he comes. A fine lad with nerves of steel. He's got more hanging over him than the city of Mantle right now.

Oobleck: Indeed, and it seems the fans are showing their appreciation for it. Yang Xiao Long places the ball on the spot, getting ready.

Port: That girl literally has a cannon for a leg, and here she comes! Winding up for the shot and-

Yang: (Kicks)

Jaune: (Pelted in the face)

Oobleck/Port: OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Port: THE CANNON HAS FIRED AND HAS STRUCK JAUNE ARC IN THE FACE DIRECTLY!

Oobleck: We clocked that at a stunning 116 kilometers per hour!

Port: Now that's a lot of, er, miles per hour!

Oobleck: Even with aura, there is no chance that young man's nose isn't broken right now.

Port: Oh, indeed!

Jaune: (Dazed)

Goodwitch: (Shining a light in his face, Nods, Leaves)

Port: Now it seems Team JNPR's coach, Professor Goodwitch, is examining him and deems him fit for duty after a short rest. Sadly, he's not out of the woods yet.

Oobleck: On his feet now, a bit shaken.

Port: But not stirred!

Oobleck/Port: HAHAHAHA!

Port: This crowd absolutely loves this young man.

Oobleck: He returns to his team, who welcome him back as a hero. And now comes another penalty kick, and scoring here would make it two nil. Nora Valkyrie approaches the ball with determination!

Nora: (Kicks, Misses goal)

Port: She hits high and wide, way off target!

Oobleck: She must have thought she was playing Mantle Football and attempting a field goal!

Port: Wrong kind of football, I'd say! And back now to Jaune Arc, looking a bit worse for wear, but ready for round two.

Oobleck: The shot takes a moment, but here comes Belladonna!

Blake: (Kicks)

Jaune: (Beaned in the schnozz)

Oobleck/Port: OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Port: Jaune Arc with the fantastic dive! The ball flies straight through the air and his hands and whacks Jaune Arc right in the sniffer!

Oobleck: Looking again on the instant replay and OH! EVERY EXCRUCIATING DETAIL IS CAPTURED PERFECTLY IN HIGH-DEFINITION PERFECTION! Clocked in at 129 kilometers per hour.

Port: Arc does not look well. Two wonderful saves compounding two DEFINITE concussions.

Goodwitch: (Carries Jaune on shoulder)

Jaune: (Falls, Dragged away)

Oobleck: This seems to be the end of Jaune Arc's performance tonight.

Port: Indeed, as his coach pulls him through the grass and off the field, like a large-breasted lioness dragging a gazelle with a broken nose across the savannah.

Oobleck: Adieu, Jaune Arc. Adieu.

Port: JNPR now with their third PK. Weiss bouncing at the goal like an infant. The crowd holds their breath as Valkyrie moves in... OH! Very anticlimactic there. Let's see who they got to replace Jaune Ar-

Oobleck/Port: JAUNE ARC!

Port: JAUNE ARC IS BACK!

Oobleck: Jaune Arc is still in the game! Oh my, and it seems he's taken a very odd tactic now!

Port: He seems to be in the fetal position, covering his face.

Oobleck: Not a recommended technique, but here it co- Oh, wait! It seems Weiss Schnee is stopping to tie her shoe.

Port: Ho ho! And that's why you do a double-knot, kids!

Oobleck: Arc, still waiting for the kick to happen. He's probably wondering when the-

Jaune: (Looks up)

Weiss: (Kicks, Pops him in the beak)

Oobleck/Port: OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Oobleck: SWEET, CREAMY DECAF!

Port: The ball strikes Arc right in the face, further crushing his nostrils into thin slits! He must be breathing only blood by now! He's going to look like one of those cartoon characters that just ran into a frying pan while they were chasing after a mouse!

Oobleck: I don't even care that we missed Lie Ren's attempt! Let's go back to-

Oobleck/Port: JAUNE ARC!

Port: THE MAN!

Oobleck: THE MYTH!

Oobleck/Port: THE LEGEND!

Jaune: (Stumbling to the goal, Bloodied and battered)

Port: I can't wait to see Arc and his catlike face reflexes!

Oobleck: Absolutely incredible, though I must say that Arc does not look well at all lying on the ground there.

Port: Well, you know athletes. They like to add a bit of drama to their performances.

Jaune: (Picked up by Ren and Nora)

Port: Are they taking him out?

Pyrrha: (Runs out with chair)

Oobleck: They brought him a chair! A bold move by their coach!

Jaune: (Reaches for his team leaving)

Oobleck: This is basically a gimme! Ruby Rose has to literally kick it anywhere that isn't where Jaune Arc is!

Port: There is no way Team RWBY can mess up this shot!

Jaune: (Begging Ruby)

Ruby: (Kicks, Craters his face)

Oobleck/Port: OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Oobleck: ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-EIGHT KILOMETERS PER HOUR!

Port: THIS MAN CAN DO NO WRONG! Just look at him in this instant replay, begging for mercy when it should be mercy begging for him!

Oobleck: He has looked Death in the eye and said, "Take your best shot!" To which Death replies with repeated punches to Arc's face! Just over and over and over again!

Port: If Team JNPR make this final shot, it's all over! But-

Oobleck/Port: OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Port: No! Pyrrha Nikos misses, clearly too distracted by the wounds her partner, Jaune Arc, has sustained in this game! Speaking of, it's time we go back to-

Oobleck/Port: JAUNE! ARC!

Port: His face is like a brick wall!

Oobleck: A brick wall that can feel only pain and cries a lot!

Port: Wait a minute... I see Team RWBY's star kicker, Penny Polendina, but where's Jaune Arc?

Oobleck: ...Oh! It seems Arc is crawling away from the goal! WHAT IS HE DOING?!

Port: HE'S THROWING AWAY THE MATCH!

Penny: (Kicks exactly where she needs to)

Jaune: (...Words cannot describe the calamity of what just happened. At least, they fail to accurately depict what could be described as what really happened. The only accuracy that could be described in this space is that there was physical contact between Jaune Arc's face and a large, head-sized ball, and that there was a lot of bodily fluids that resulted from this contact, and that Jaune Arc was in so much pain that it's likely he passed out or away, though it's also just as likely that he didn't.)

Oobleck/Port: OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Port: ARC HAS DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE!

Oobleck: ICAN'TBELIEVEIT! LOOKATTHAT! HE'SDONETHEIMPOSSIBLE! He was hit just right! What incredible instincts he had to just crawl away from the goal like that!

Port: His team rushes to the field, happy as a lark, as they all slide in and accidentally kick Jaune Arc in the face!

Oobleck: And now his team his carrying him off and away on an orange stretch of victory, glory, and emergency medical attention! Jaune Arc and his face of steel have won it all!

[thelampisaflashlight]

Dew, brewing a pot of sleepytime tea: "Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble... With this magic potion-" -popping open a bottle of benadryl and taking two out- "-and these magic beans, this bitch is gonna sleep tonight or I'm personally gonna strangle the sandman."

[newtthetranswriter]

'Perfect' Vice Captain

(this is one of my favorite moments of this bean, truly captures his chaotic energy)

Word count: 1022

Paring: Koushi Sugawara x Gn! Reader

Summary: Just a relaxing evening for Koushi’s birthday, well relaxing and poking fun at his sill behavior in highschool

Warnings: Just spoilers for post!timeskip

A/n: Happy Birthday to the prettiest of the pretty setter squad, Koushi Sugawara. It’s not exactly the way I wanted it to turn out but I am happy with it. I love Suga, he is by far my favorite Haikyuu character and he deserves so much more attention than he gets. Anyways enjoy and as always remember to hydrate or diedrate.

   You would expect that someone as chaotic as Koushi Sugawara would want some crazy birthday party, or at least a get together with his closest friends. But I’m here to tell you, after a long day teaching elementary schoolers how to write and read, all Koushi wanted to do was go home and relax with his partner. And relaxing with his partner is exactly what he is going to get.

   I had taken the day off from my job so I could stay home and make sure everything was clean and there was nothing that Koushi would have to worry about when he got home. It was my full intention to make the evening as calm and relaxed as possible. As it got closer to the time Koushi would be arriving home, I got out some sweats and t-shirt for him to change into after he takes his normal after work shower. I also made sure to order his favorite take out dinner in advance asking for it to be delivered roughly an hour after the time he gets home knowing how long his after work routine takes. 

   Double checking everything was ready so he didn’t have to worry about anything when he got home, I moved to wait for him in the living room. I focused on just scrolling through various social medias laughing at some of the embarrassing photos our friends from highschool had posted in honor of Koushi’s special day, most notably was a picture of him karate chopping Asahi in the gut with the caption ‘Sugamama was vicious’ courteous of one Ryunoske Tanaka. Leaving a quick agreement to the caption, I turned from my phone at the sound of keys in the front door.

   I quickly jumped up heading to meet the gray haired dork at the door. “Welcome home, Love. How was your day? Did the kids do anything special for you this year?” I asked about his day as he switched to his house slippers.

  “My day was wonderful, thank you for asking dear.” He said as he placed a kiss on my forehead. “As for the kids, some of them made cards during free time, and few of them even brought me candy as a gift. It was really sweet.” Koushi explained with a bright smile as he moved towards our shared bedroom and the connected bathroom.

  “I’m glad you had a good day, but now that you are home you don’t have to worry about anything else for the day. It’s your day so I plan to make the evening as relaxing for you as possible.” I assured him, moving to lay on our bed while he went into the bathroom.

  As he flipped the light on, it was clear from the light chuckle he let out that he was not expecting it to be set up for his shower already. “You didn’t have to set up my clothes for me, my love.” He turned to look at me.

  “You’re right I didn’t have to, but it’s your birthday and I said you didn’t have to worry about anything and I meant it. Now go shower, and when you get out, dinner will be here and we can eat, and just relax for the rest of the evening.” I explained shooing him into the bathroom.

   Just as planned about ten minutes before Koushi was done with his normal long ass shower, there was a knock on the door signaling that our food had arrived. Getting off the bed I answered the door, taking the food to the kitchen and getting everything set up to eat.

   Once Koushi was done showering, he joined me in the living room to eat. “I know you said I don’t have to worry about anything tonight, but you didn’t have to do all this for me.” He said grabbing his food from the coffee table.

   “Once again, it’s your birthday and while I normally would have wanted to throw a party with all our friends, I figured since it’s still the middle of the week a better option would be letting you have a carefree evening. Now eat your food before I decide to send a certain police man those pictures of you and Tanaka being complete idiots at the hotel during nationals in third year.” I threatened, knowing that even if said event was years ago Koushi was not fond of the idea of Daichi finding out he was in fact not the responsible vice captain he claimed to be.

  He rolled his eyes before taking another bite of his food. “You would dare ruin my reputation as a perfect vice captain, over me saying you don’t have to spoil me.” He said, completely serious if you can look past the glint of mischief in his eyes.

  Taking a bite of my own food, I had to hold in a laugh to stop myself from choking. “Yeah ‘perfect vice captain’ okay tell that to the picture Tanaka posted of you karate chopping Asahi at the summer camp, or the one of you jumping like a lunatic after a match posted by Yachi. And don’t even get me started on the numerous times you encouraged Kageyama and Hinata to be idiots just to see Tsuki nearly kill them both.” I countered after finishing my bite of food.

  “Ok, almost perfect vice captain, happy. Now can we just eat and then relax.” He asked, a small yawn slipping past his smile. I nodded in agreement before finishing my food.

  After we were both done eating, I quickly cleaned up the take out containers. Having filled up on comfort foods, we both agreed that just going and cuddling was the best way to end the night. As we layed in bed drifting in and out of sleep, I whispered one last thing to the beautiful man resting in my arms. “All jokes aside, Happy birthday Koushi, you are the best thing to happen to me. I love you so much” Taking the silence as a sign that he probably was already asleep, I let sleep take over my mind as well.

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@iheartamora