#dont worry abt the test
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i think i have covid
#this shit sucks#im always so careful#i try so hard to wear a mask almost all the time#and i wash my hand so often they start bleeding in the cold#and i get covid#this is bullshit#i already feel like a burden on everyone around me#my bfs family took me in when i had no where else to go#and now i bring covid into their house#put my bf amd his brother at risk#i wish i could just die#and not feel like this#ben vents#bennitastisch#its cristmas#his family is coming to visit#and i have to sit here and wait til monday so i can call my doctor to take a pcr test#the ppl on the emergency phone for this stuff were like yea dont worry theres no restrictions from the government anymore u can walk around#outside and be among ppl as long as u wear a mask#dont worry abt the test#like this is prolly the reason i got it in the first place#i shouldnt have been studpid#yesterday i was itchy while walking home i took my jacket off and walked with my tshirt in the cold#and i did not feel cold but that prolly is what made the virus be able to get active#and i got less and less careful abt wearing a mask at school and i dont even know why#i just got more and more anxious but thats not worth it possibly putting the ppl i love in danger#i wannas screaaaaaam
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yah
#skye's doodles#wanted to do a redraw of this since i saw the original it is soo fucking funny to me n ash put it back in my mind so. launches this at you#funny meme redraw is the perfect time to test new rendering styles donteven worry abt it. it was really fun ithink i like it a lot#idont know if ray would use tiktok but if he did he would use it to be a smartass <3#idont caare abt getting all the ui becuase i dont respect tiktok <3 (<- he was lazy) but the pfp was funny to me. eema. ..#the promised neverland#tpn#yakusoku no neverland#tpn ray
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In the spirit of poorly drawn mdzs (though it grows less so by the day) here’s a poorly drawn animation of Little Apple! (I sure hope the gif attaches right) You honestly inspire me a lot; I hope you keep drawing, and keep having fun with it!
She winked at me!!!! OMG!!!
#submission#MDZS#Little Apple#thank you so much for this....its absolutely spectacular#I *love* the wink and the little sparkle (its really well done!!! I *wish* I could animate like this!)#I hope this blog inspires you to just create and not worry about perfection! The fun youhave does show in the final result!#Whats the point of learning if you aren't enjoying it? Everyday is a grind for me but Its always a net positive B*)#I hope you also have just as much fun on your art journey as I am! Ill keep my out for you!#also dont worry abt me; little apple just has a short tongue shes just doing a taste test bite I'll be okay
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no one's done this one yet?
#someone should i think theyd be really fun together#13 in potd realising what they had during the vault years Was friendship actually she just couldnt see it bc of the fear to trust#and 15 seeming to be more good time > rules#i can see him being like 'you know what. you havent betrayed me YET'#dhfkjhgjk scream oh my god imagine him accidentally rewritng the entire timeless child arc bc he just likes hanging out wiht missy#vault nostalgia. just chilling. they go out dancing. its a great time#and bc the master will become like 90% less evil if the doctor just pays them attention he actually just rehabilitates missy#without all the drama and testing and neuroticness of the vault#she just fucking chills out. never becomes dhawan!master. they never find out about the timeless child#15 just wakes up one day in bed with her after a night out and is like........................feel like theres smth im missing#'wasnt i a woman before. why do i not remember like 80% of that regeneration'#and missys like 'happens to me All The Time dont worry abt it kitten'#and hes like okay <3 yay :)
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It's been interesting to observe the changes in how doctors treat me as I've gotten more disabled and more obviously/undeniably disabled, because as far as I can tell there's no point at which doctors will stop treating disabled ppl like they're crazy/have no idea what's going on/must always be wrong about their bodies, but the way they do it does change IME. I no longer get "there's nothing wrong with you, you're making it up", but I still get gaslit abt my health at about the same rate, just with "that can't be what's going on" [about stuff that all of my symptoms and test results indicate is probably going on] instead :|
Sometimes from the same doctors who were previously claiming there's nothing wrong with me! And they think I won't notice!
#original#my health is ok right now!! my PCP is amazing which is currently compensating for all my useless specialists#who only exist to tell my insurance to cover tests for my PCP to interpret lmao#so dont worry abt me 💗 am just musing
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getting my pee and blood stolen tmr gawd the things i do for school
#literally praying and pleading and begging for my drug test to be clean if its not i really dont know what ill do like ill be fuckeddd#not worried abt the blood tho im just getting a repeat tuberculosis test which like. i know i dont have tb its just a formality#h
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hiki and geki matching post
hiki and geki matching post
#utau#kazehiki utau#gekiyaku utau#(this isn't all of them but these are the ones i thought matched the most esp given the poses; these r the 偽薬; 点滴; and 顆粒 vbs respectively)#(also i hope this doesnt go against kuzutokaze's terms?? cause its just low quality screencaps and not the full high res art)#(but ill delete if i have to)#theyre sillyyyy i like them BOTH when u have vsynths that are meant to b counterparts do not separate them!!!#angst siblings angst siblings... (to me.) maybe im particularly based b/c reminds me of my own brother and i#but also ive just read interpretations/fantheories abt these two that have absolutely DESTROYEDDD me sad as fuck man wtf 😭😭#i have a lot of thoughts abt a lot of vsynths. ughhhh curse me not having a lot of time to draw rn#i will admit i was a bit more hiki based at first lmao but ive warmed up to geki; yeah her voice tone def isnt for everyone#i totally get that. but she can roll her rs so good LMAOO... and also just in the way/s i interpret her she reminds me a lot of myself :(#[well ok i project heavilyyy on a lot of my vsynth interpretations but these two. i can do things. *hits them w/ my latine beam*]#[JOKINGG... /hj. in a way. shhhhhhhh dont even worry about it. i NEEED to test out more how they both sound in spanish tho i need]#please ignore these tags for the love of god 😭😭😭 its late and im going a little unhinged
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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burgertron HATE ged prep . burgertron PILEDRIVE WHOEVER MADE IT SO THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE 4 SEPARATE TESTS TO GET A PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS YOU DID IT into THE FUCKING DIRT!!!!!!!
#the captain's rambles#if you couldnt tell im having a bit of a rough time <:']#my mom is like “oh well youre Making it stressful it's gonna be okay” I HAVE TO FUCKING DO SHIT WITH VARIABLES#THIS SHIT WOULD BE STRESSFUL EVEN IF I *WASNT* ALREADY DREADING DOING IT#i HATE education i HATE SCHOOL i hate everything this STUPID SYSTEM STANDS FOR and most importantly I LOATHE VARIABLS#whoever put LETTERS ?? in MATH??? Die.#because now i have to fucking figure out what x and y are on a practice test#i dont even HATE math normally. in every other instance of math im actually okay w/ solving questions#ged math ??? is on some shit#FUCK geds man i hate it here . i wanna just fuck off and go do whatever and be productive with something i Actually Enjoy Doing#not having to sit here and do tests so i can get a piece of paper that does nothing but allow me to apply for a community college#<- a place i am EQUALLY unexcited for and dreading#miserable fucking books i have to do work in. and then i gotta do like 4 different equally fucking miserable tests for each subject#and then i have to pray to god i didnt fail and i got the minimum passing grade of AT LEAST 145 out of *200.*#im going to destroy Everything.#i dont want congratulations for doing this shit either because i didnt wanna do it IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!!#im only doing this because i HAVE TO to get my parents off my ass about it not because i WANNA#if it were up to me i'd be doing just art and collecting or other hobbies i ACTUALLY ENJOY and i wouldnt be worrying about academics#but we cant have nice things so now i have to stress abt this shit like a college student studying for midterms#rant over. im gonna go eat now . pray 4 me that i dont kill someone /lh
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anyone else on lexapro sweat like crazy? I've been on it for a year and it's made me sweatier than I've ever been in my life, even in the winter
#ive always been sweaty but its so bad now#i had my hair up today with a satin scrunchie and walked around town in a leisurely way even taking breaks to go inside stores w ac#and when i took it off it was soaked#im tired of this grandpa#i dont wanna have sweat stains at work#i may talk to my doc abt it and see abt switching#my only caveat is im worried abt testing my reactions to new meds while i just started work
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being Unwell™ really fucking sucks bc what do you MEAN I can't get top surgery bc my blood pressure is that of dropping a mentos into a 2l bottle of coke and then screwing the lid on real tight??????? my titties though???
#i shouldnt even have to worry abt my blood pressure im TWENTY FIVE#also worrying about having high blood pressure makes my blood pressure skyrocket its like a snake eating its own tail over here#also also yes ive been MIA for months bc my health is in the shitter. ive been too busy having tests and exams done out the wazoo#trying to get all the different teams responsible for different areas of my health to communicate with each other is like pulling teeth#like all correspondence has to go through ME?????????? im autistic#i dont even correspond with MYSELF#anyway im on old people medication and i hate it#there are several other health concerns that im actively ignoring until i get this fucking surgery#whatever#being disabled is bullshit#dogbunni diary log
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"YOURE NOT REALLY AUTISTIC YOU JUST DIAGNOSED YOURSELF ON TIKTOK"
um get your facts straight i self diagnosed on tumblr 🙄
#and like when i was on here and everybody was selfdxing anything#i was really against the idea of me being autistic just cuz i rlly thought i wasnt#but now that im an adult its like. made more obvious#cuz im no longer in a structure that forces me to have a strict schedule or follow instructions to a t#but also i was very bad at school? like i was smart and could figure out tests w just. idk thinking abt it and not memorizing#but then when all tests were just memorization it was doodoo garbage#and i never did homework#but also im adhd and never got on the right dose of adhd meds#(even now i dont think im on the right dose but im worried abt going higher and anxiety getting rlly bad)#BASICALLY WHAT IM SAYING IS IM MORE NOTICEABLY AUTISTIC THAN EVER
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top 10 funniest mental illness bits in my life is getting into arguments with my therapist repeatedly over not getting a diagnosis for something debilitating me and then going to college and taking an online test (with her encouragement, and on a zoom call WITH HER talking over every question and its accuracy to the condition etc) that says You kind of have this condition. and she was like yeah you might have tendencies. and despite literally insulting her over this very topic before i just go Oh okay that makes sense ^_^ and then i no longer believe i have these tendencies at all. girl WHAT ?
#nightmare.personal#Carriers of mare lore may recognize this is about the BPD thing#we took a test and it was like yeah you deffo have parts of this but NOT diagnostic enough#and i guess college just completely flipped my perspective because i just did naurt care#but at the same time Im now like lowkey convinced i dont have any symptoms but we did prove that i had that#like we did take a test together and she told me her direct input. So um. Win!#this is what im telling y'all my mental illness symptoms do NOTTTT fucking last#did we not talk abt this when i had a system and i was like These bitches r going to leave me THEN THEY DID ?#like my ass cannot keep a mental illness & ik im healing rn but i cant tell if im also like. Severely in denial.#also just found out my family might have bipolar tendencies DOES NOBODY TELL ME ANYTHING HERE#my brother........ like hey this kind of explains prom 2022 No worries if not though. im going to chew on that man
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Drink of the week is mint tea w lemon n honey 🫶 btw I will be quite honest w u besties I am on my 3rd playthru of sr 2022 n I will continue to be quite honest w/ u when I say I mostly use it to play dress up n look at my characters <3
#talk#like not even fully paying attention to the cutscenes just like observing my character like ya them 🥰#first playthru was w/ vaughn ofc second was w/ FRANK p happy w/ how he actually turned out#still hav to test out sr3 remastered im v intimidated but i think i hav his sliders written down somewhere#neway this latest run is w/ child(ren) of frank theyre gonna be twins its a batman beyond sich dont even worry abt it the lore is v abstrac#in this au frank is like. an artist or smth#in my head theyre like. dlc companions yk
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i am gonna b real yall dunk on twitter for the "i say i love pancakes and someone goes 'so you hate waffles then?' no bitch thats an entirely new sentence" thing but you guys also do it too. tumblr also does that.
#'its important that things like medicine be made to precise specifications'#'SO YOU WANNA KEEP EXPLOITING THE GLOBAL SOUTH FOR YOUR MEDS???? YOU THINK PEOPLE IN YOUR COMMUNITY MAKING MEDS IS GHETTO?????'#no bitch thats a brand new sentence. what are you talking about#fwiw no i would not trust Some Guy w building a wheelchair ramp for me#my wheelchair is heavy. its even heavier with me in it.#if they dont know how to make something stable thatll handle the weight of my equipment. that ramp will break with me on it#if all they know about wheelchairs is 'they need ramps and im being a good guy' its not gonna work#how heavy is my power chair? how heavy is it with me in it?#what slope should the ramp be to avoid it being dangerous for me to go up and down it?#how wide is it?#what is it made of and how stable is it? did you test it? how long is it going to be stable for?#im not interested in talking to anyone or 'just hear me out'ing about this#if any of my friends see this and worry its abt them: no its not dw i'm not mutuals w this person and im not even following them anymore
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Writing my own experiences is honestly such a trip...
#like even though they're my OWN experiences it doesnt feel REAL#like wow how fake#its so weird bc im simply basing it off of what happened to me and how i deal with it#but then i worry that people find it unrealistic#or they'll see even just the fic and tags without reading it and ridicule it for being written#im really thinking abt trying therapy again tbh. but finding time between work and the fact i cannot drive...#idk. i really truly dont....#im falling apart. the days are going by and im having less and less of a will to continue. im trying to find healthy#outlets for coping but then anxiety shoots through the roof#it doesnt help that the first two times i was in therapy it made everything worse#the first was 100% against my will bc of a simple misunderstanding blown way out of proportion at my college#and the 2nd was me p much being forced into it after i tried killing myself and ended up in the hospital lol#i tried overdosing. it hurts the stomach more than anything tbh.#the therapist just kept staring at me. like never taking her eyes off of me and kept asking how i felt#i felt more like a fucking test subject tbh. she also didnt sound Human. her tone was like i was just another patient#nothing more than routine. and she didnt Listen to what i said. then i was charged way too much despite being told it would be free#so i dropped out lol#anyway i got way off topic. um what was this abt#oh yeah my fear of fic venting bc im terrified of being ridiculed . yeah yeah yeah.
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