#dont like how different the coloring is :) anyway i hate it here

[21-roses-a-day]

SABRINA CARPENTER performing onstage for the 2023 Video Music Awards pre-tape at Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. 9th September, 2023

[p2iimon]

drawing more furry fnaf art. yknow just to keep you posted. i love posting in the tags sorry these ones got away from me

[rosenclaws]

obsessed with your ex || Worst!Logan Howlett smut

summary: In his world you were his wife and he loved you and then you died. In this world you're his girlfriend and he loves you. At least you think he does. Still you can't help the voice in the back of your head telling you that you're nothing but a sad replacement.

warnings: SMUT, MINORS DNI!! 18+ ONLY. insecure + jealous!reader, a very very toxic mindset, the reader's mind is very mean to her, reader is a mutant that can make objects disappear, angst, happy ending, rough sex, riding, french kissing, oral (f!receiving), a slight breakdown, soft sex, missionary, Logan is kinda a softie, cockwarming, fingering.

wc: 2.5k

a/n: Okay so it's here!! I need to make this clear that the readers mindset is NOT healthy and that relationships need good communication. That being said here's my fic idea that I've been thinking about for a bit. I love Olivia Rodrigo sm (I even saw her in concert!!) and this song was just begging to be written into a fic. Anyways I really hope you like it and that it's not too insane lmao. Also i made the graphic but i kinda hate it but i dont wanna change it so here we are I know it's ugly but its FINE

How long have you been here? Staring. Observing every little thing about you. Your nose, your eyes, your lips, your hair, your chin. The way your arms fall by your sides. Every. Little. Detail.

Did she have the same colored eyes? Did she talk like you? Was she smart? Was she powerful? Did he look at her the same way? Did he fuck her like he fucks you?

You clench your fists as you stare angrily at the mirror. He loves you. He says he loves you and yet it feels like you can never compare to her. She was the love of his life. She was an X-Men. She died. She was you. You're his dead fucking wife in his universe while you were nothing to the Logan in this one. 

He looked at you like a kicked puppy that first day you met. A lost little pet that had been searching for its owner. Dragged through hell and back just to get to you. It was easy to fall for him. Handsome, a little rough around the edges. You hadn’t even been dating for that long but it didn’t matter right? He worshiped you. He loved you. He promised he loved you.

But sometimes in the back of your head you wonder if when he's kissing you, does he imagine her? Does he close his eyes while he's pounding into you and imagine it's her? How could you ever compete? She was perfect, she was kind, she was everything to him. Spiraling deeper and deeper into a whirlpool of doubt and envy. There's a heavy pounding on the door but you choose to ignore it. Too wrapped up in your twisted mind to care. 

"Sweetheart, let me in." Logan's gruff voice was slightly muffled by the door. 

You clench your jaw as you finally tear your eyes away from the mirror. You slam open the door taking Logan by surprise. His eyes scan yours for injury, a worried look in his face as he steps into the bathroom. 

"I got worried, you were in here a long time." His arms wrap around your waist. 

He's looking at you with pity. At least that's what your brain tells you. Was he worried that you were hurt because he loves you or because he was thinking of her death again? You know he still dreams of her. He can hide it when he's awake but the nightmares don't lie. It hurts so bad. Love me. Love me. You're jealous you know. She's dead, she's gone. So why can't he love you. You push him off and storm out the bathroom. Nothing makes sense anymore in your head. 

"What the fuck?" Logan follows you and you feel yourself tensing up. 

It's a miracle your powers haven't started to go haywire yet. So many different emotions swirl around in your head until it mixes together to form one single feeling.

Need.

You grab Logan's shirt and pull him into you. Smashing your lips onto his with a hunger that you've never felt before. Logan hisses as you bite his bottom lip harshly but you don't give him time to say anything as you slip your tongue into his mouth. He groans as he starts to take some control back. Hands slipping up your shirt and ripping to shreds with ease.

You pull back from his lips, chest heaving for air as you paw at his shirt. Silently demanding he take it off which he happily does. Your lips are back onto his in an instant. He slowly walks you back until you fall onto the bed. You fall onto the bed and lick your lips. The bugle in his pants is evident as you flick your hand and the belt disappears. 

"I liked that belt." You pay no mind to his comment as you unbutton his jeans and pull them down, leaving him in his boxers. 

"Easy there sweetheart," Logan pushes you back gently and crawls on top of you. Logan kisses down your chest, teasing each nipple with his tongue. 

"Let me take my time." He purrs.

His hands touch and squeeze your breasts roughly making you whine. You watch his arms move, god he's so hot. He's close to making you forget. He kisses down, down, all the way down. He sneaks out the tip of his claws to pop open the button of your pants and he yanks them down until they're all the way off.

"There she is, my perfect girl." His girl. That's right your his girl. No one else's.

Logan pulls your panties to the side as he situates himself between your legs. He stuffs his face without shame, licking hungrily and practically moaning at the taste. You arch your back as Logan devours you. Watching his back muscles move are mesmerizing. He's yours. He loves you. He promises he does.

You can't stop the thoughts that begin to invade you. Overwhelmed by pleasure from Logan and pain from the horrible ideas that pop into your head. Did he do this with her too? Did he worship her? Do you taste like her? Is that why he can't get enough? 

"Fuck!" You hiss as you sit up and tell Logan to stop. He does immediately, wondering what the hell is going on. 

"Can't fucking wait." You scratch down his chest with your nails. He groans and tries to crawl on top of you but you shake your head. 

"I'm going to ride you until you can't come anymore." You growl.

You bite his shoulder harshly making him hiss. It heals right up much to your dismay. How badly you wish you could mark him. You make his boxers disappear but before he can make a smart comment you sink down on him all the way. You whimper as you start to bounce on his cock. Loving how much he fills you.

You need to be fucked stupid. You're desperate for Logan to fuck every bad thought out of your head. To promise that he loves you so that you can believe him. You want to believe him. Please, you have to believe him. 

"Sweetheart." Logan's breath is labored as you relentlessly fuck yourself on his cock. You feel so damn good but fuck he can tell something is on your mind. 

"What do you need, let me help you." He sits up on his hands, placing one on your back as he tries to get you to slow down. His words make you want to scream. What do you need? You look at him and the only thing your rotten brain can tell you is that he is thinking of her. 

"I need you to fucking love me!" You yell.

The dam of built up feelings breaks down as tears pour out of your eyes. Ugly, horrible sobs that make your body shake. Logan watches with horror in his eyes as he stills your hips, using his strength to lift you off of him as you continue to cry. 

"I do love you." He says softly but you shake your head. 

"No!" You shout. You pound your fist against Logan's chest over and over again but he barely moves. 

"You love her! I know you do." Logan's heart breaks at the sound of your sobs. 

"I'm not your dead fucking wife Logan!" You should regret the words coming out of your mouth but you can't stop them. 

"You look at me and you see her. Like I'm just some fucking placeholder!" You let out an anguished scream as Logan captures your wrists in his hands. You know the stories. She was a hero, she was perfect in every single way. 

"How can I compete with, with her?" You say completely defeated.

Your head falls against his chest. There's a sense of relief that washes over you. Thoughts that have plagued you for months are finally out in the open. Yet the fear of what comes next overtakes any other feeling.

"Look at me." Logan tilts your head up but you push his hand away. 

"Sweetheart." He sighs and lets go of your face.

Logan's never been good at this. Talking. Being vulnerable. Then he lost everything and he hardened even more and he just. This was a new chance at life and even though it's hard he can't lose it all again. 

"I know you're not her. Of course I do." Logan presses his forehead against yours, trying to get you to look at him. 

"You loved her..." You croak out. 

"I did love her. She was my wife. But I love you too. In a different way." He's a different man. Having gone through tremendous loss. It shaped him into who he is now. 

"You're different people. Your powers act differently, you talk differently, you feel different. You are not a replacement." He says firmly. 

When you finally look at him he feels this horrible pit in his stomach. He wipes away your tears but doesn't make any other move. It's not the right time.

"Would you have even given me a second thought? If I didn't look like her?" You ask, that question has haunted you for a while now but you never asked, too afraid of the answer. Logan is silent, unsure of how to answer. 

"When I first saw you it was like a punch in the face." He starts. "For a moment I was 20 years in the past. Then I snapped out of it. You look like her, yes but you’re not her.” He gently traces a small scar on your jaw that you got when you were a child. 

“I’m not the same as your Logan right? He was a leader, a hero and I was an angry drunk murderer.” 

“I’m not gonna start listing all your fucking differences sweetheart, but I swear on my life that I love you for you.” He pulls you into a tight hug as you start to cry again. You cling onto him as tight as you can. The bad thoughts don’t just stop, even if you want them to but Logans whispering sweet words in your ear. Pushing out every bad thought for now.

“Logan,” You take a deep breath, letting Logan invade all your senses. Tobacco and whiskey. 

“I need you.” He’s hesitant, not sure if it’s the right time.

“Please, I just need you.”

“Okay sweetheart, you have me.” He slowly rolls you over and lays you on your back.

He captures your lips into a kiss. His hips rolling slowly making you moan softly. His lips drift from your lips to the corner of your mouth to your cheek, trailing down. Each one so gentle, so full of love.

“You have this spot, righttt here.” Logan nibbles on your neck and you gasp when bites right at this spot that drives you wild. You melt into the mattress as he kisses over it.

“Always makes you relax.” He crawls lower, kissing down your body. He sits up on his knees and grabs a pillow to place under your back.

“I know you like to be slightly elevated because it means I can go just a little deeper.” He purrs as he takes his cock in his hands and gently rubs the tip of it along your folds. He slides two fingers into your cunt slowly.

“Know that my fingers drive you absolutely wild, that you need me to go slow to start.” You nod absentmindedly.

You never realized he picked up on all these things. His fingers start to slide in smoother, your cunt getting wetter for him. He leans down and takes a deep breath, groaning at the scent. He slips them out and licks them clean.

“Relax sweetheart,” He spreads your thighs and slips in all the way. Going slow but unrelenting, stretching you just how you like.

“So impatient, you never let me take it easy on you right? Just wanna be full all the time.” He leans down on his elbows as he rolls his hips nice and slow.

There will be no rough sex this time, this is about love. To show you that he truly does love you for you.

“Look at me,” He tilts your head so that your eyes meet. He smiles at the desperate look on your face.

“You can pretend it makes you all embarrassed, but I know you like eye contact.” He hums as he angles his hips so that he hits that perfect spot.

You jolt as pleasure rocks through your whole body but he keeps you under him. He’s slowly and methodically tearing you apart. Every touch, every word out of his mouth just makes it better. He knows. Of course he does.

“I love you Logan.” Your hands cup his face as you stare into his hazel eyes.

This time not filled with lust, but with a true deep love. He looks at you like you’re everything.

“I love you too.” He kisses you as he starts to pick up the pace of his thrusts. He smirks as he feels you start to squirm under him. You could never help it when you were close.

“Come on sweetheart, just let go.” He whispers in your ear.

His deep voice paired with the unrelenting feeling of his cock is all it takes. He holds you in his firm arms as a warm and wonderful tingling sensation runs through your whole body. A blissful smile on your face as you tilt your head back.

You feel your whole body relax as your mind calms. Logan tries to hide his growls as he fucks into you a little faster, until he’s coming hard and deep inside of you. He sighs in contentment as he stays inside of you. He taps your cheek lightly and you look up at him.

“I love you. No one else. Just you.” He moves to pull out but you whine. You need to be close to him right now. He chuckles as he slowly moves to your side. Spooning you tightly with his cock still deep inside of you.

“Can we talk?” You ask shyly.

“About what?” Logan grunts as he pulls you as close as he can get you.

“Anything?” He’s not much of a talker so he asks the questions instead.

How did you discover your powers? How did you meet wade? Just anything and everything and you tell him.

You talk for who knows how long. Staying wrapped in each other's arms. It helps, it really does. Logan listens, he really does listen. He wants to get to know you. He loves you. You rest your head on his chest, tracing shapes into his palm as you talk.

For the first time in a while your mind seems to settle. Ignoring any thought that may try and ruin your mood. It’s just you and him right now. There’s no looming figure of your alternate selves, not anymore.

Just you and Logan. Forever.

[90ekz]

ive head this nagging thought in the back of my head that satoru has some kinda random spot on his body that’ll make him instantly pop a bone. I DONT KNOW JUST WORK WITH ME HERE PLS 🙏 i love your works btw 😘

✧ sweet spot, ft. satoru gojo

✧ tags: mostly fluff, whiny satoru, ‘baby’ as a nickname, did i say mostly fluff already??, dry humping, overstim, loser satoru cs he’s mushy and in love

✧ an: this idea is now living in my head and not paying rent, thanks a lot anon :/

satoru usually just does his own hair care, and he’s very meticulous about it. he wants everything to be clean and pristine—not that you weren’t capable of doing that for him, he’s just very, very dramatic. he didn’t even know this spot was sensitive until… literally now.

he’s standing in the bathroom as you brush your teeth, absentmindedly rubbing his hand over his growing undercut. he figured it was time for him to cut it anyway, but his arms were very sore from some training he’d done with the kids yesterday.

“babe.”

“y’esh?” he chuckled at your mouthful of the minty paste, and just waited for you to finish brushing. when you finally did, you turned to face him as he brushed his thumb over the white pooling on the corner of your mouth.

“can you cut my hair today? ‘arms are so sore.” satoru whined, his finger still tracing your lip lazily.

“have you washed it? i don’t need your lice transferring to me—ouch! okay, okay, plug in the clippers!” you giggled as he pinched your lip. the clippers rested on his side of the sink, and he plugged them in wordlessly. you stood behind him, lightly brushing the area with the small brush you know is the most comfortable for him. satoru sighs lightly as you do this, and his shoulders relax.

he didn’t know exactly what it was, but your hands felt different than his. you made him so sensitive usually anyway, but this was weird. his cheeks were heating, and everything was tingling, not just his neck.

and then you did it.

the clippers worked in upward strokes as you trimmed the hair down, and suddenly your thumb brushed over some magical pressure point of his. satoru felt pleasure shoot down his spine like he never had before, and a almost girly squeak slipped out before he could stop it. your eyes go wide and you remove the clippers from his neck. satoru is deathly still, and you watched color bloom over his cheeks in the mirror.

“…you okay sato’?” the nickname drips off your tongue like honey—so effortless, so intimate, and he hates that you decided to use it right now. he can’t take it. you’ve never called him that, and he can hear the amused tilt in your voice.

satoru gulps, because he doesn’t know what to say. how does he say that he wants you to keep going, to keep brushing over that exact spot so he can pinpoint exactly what that feeling was just now? he’s never felt anything like that when he cut his own hair…

he settles on a weak little “i’m fine, baby,” because frankly? he doesn’t trust himself to say any other words right now.

you give him a little smile in the mirror before your hands start working again, and you finally start getting somewhere with actually cutting his damn hair. he doesn’t feel anything out of the ordinary happen anymore, and now he’s finally cleanly shaven again like he likes. you did an exceptional job, and satoru peppers you with kisses as a reward.

he mostly stops thinking about it after this.

yeah, maybe the thought lingers in the back of his head for a few hours after, and maybe he stands in the bathroom rubbing his thumb over the back of his neck for a little longer than considered normal, but it was fine.

except for when you call him down to finish watching the movie you’d started earlier, and he’s laying on your chest as you run your fingers through his hair. satoru isn’t even paying attention to what your hand is doing as he yaps about the plot of the film, and you listen.

“he’s a piece of shit! i mean, he stayed with his side piece on the plane, and made his wife drive in the snow? fuck mike ‘till it’s backwards.” satoru spits, his attention fully focused on the movie’s plot.

unlike you, who’s mind was still in the bathroom, cutting satoru’s hair.

you haven’t stopped thinking about the little noise he’d made as you’d accidentally pressed your finger over the nape of his neck, right where the hair started. he sounded so weak—so vulnerable, and you decided right then that you needed to hear much more of that.

your mind was now solely focused on one thing, and your hand was moving just as it was in the bathroom. you twirled your fingers around strands, until finally threading your fingers through his hair and giving a small tug. this tore a stuttered breath out of satoru, and you smiled. he’d gone a little more rigid against you, and his commentary had stopped as you payed so much attention to him. he was losing focus of the movie, too.

“b-babe,”

“hmm?” you hummed back, fingers now traveling from his hair to his lower neck, tracing small circles there. you knew what you were looking for, but why not tease a little first?

satoru couldn’t answer you if he tried—every word in his throat dies as you press down onto that spot once more, and he’s slamming his hand on-top of yours to make sure you don’t move it. he isn’t sure why he does that exactly, but why does it matter? why does anything matter when you’re touching him like this?

he can’t do this, just one press on his spot has his dick rising and stiff against your thigh, and even you can hardly believe it.

“sato.” you grip his hair to pull him off your chest, just enough to look at you. he whines from the mixture of the nickname and the sting of his scalp.

“b-baby, please.” satoru breathes. you know what he’s asking for, and you figured you’d done enough teasing for a while. you grin, rubbing your thumb back and forth over the pressure point back and forth, up and down, and you wouldn’t be surprised if he came just from this based on the sounds he was making. he hovers you, his arms barely holding his body up, and he’s heaving into your neck.

“breathe, satoru.”

“mmph—i will! i will, just please don’t stop,” satoru whines, his hips grinding down against your thigh. sure, this whole thing is embarrassing as hell, but he couldn’t help the cheeky grin that stretched across his face as you indulged him. as you ran your acrylics over the sensitive part of him, he dropped his head back into your shoulders, and his own started to shake violently.

he was laughing.

you were shocked by this, but you didn’t dare stop. at some point, you couldn’t help but snort a little as he grasped onto you. it was cute—the way his giggles melted into moans, the way he couldn’t control himself or his emotions in the moment. there were no coherent thoughts forming in his head except for fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.

and you loved it that way.

[zombvic]

BLUE IS THE COLOR (mason mount x reader)

summary : in which y/n and mason argue about their newborn babys favorite football team

face claim : not needed

notes : im a sucker for dad fics and as of right now mason is my no1 pookie 😝 also imagine hes still in chelsea cause i refuse to support any other london team #loyal (god i miss prime chelsea). ALSO.. if u dont support barcelona or chelsea .. idk i dont think youll like this fic so mby pretend its ur teams xxx except for Madrid 😊 (i dont hate madridistas but yk im a culer soooooo) im also now seeing that the font is apparently purple but im slightly colorblind so js ignore that thanks xx

pairings : mason mount x reader (dad!mason mount)

"NO SHOT, my baby is NOT supporting Barcelona" The Chelsea midfielder argued. You and Mason have been together for quite some time already (five years to be exact) and you've recently welcomed your firstborn son, Nicolas Mount into the world.

You were born into a family full of FC Barcelona fans, so naturally, you became one aswell. Even after meeting your boyfriend, a Chelsea player, he couldn't change your mind. Thankfully, these two teams are in different leagues so you don't have to worry about having an aneurysm everytime these two played eachother (except for the champions league and thats also just a maybe)

This was a conversation the two of you have had multiple times, even before your baby was born. It was always shrugged off but now, that your son is here. It was time to decide.

"How about everytime Barcelona plays, he wears their jersey but any other time it's your jersey?"

"I'd look unloyal and like im joining Barcelona" (ironic isn't it) the brown haired man laughs.

You playfully roll your eyes at Mason's remark, knowing that this debate wasn't going to end anytime soon.

"Oh come on, Mason. It's just a jersey, it doesn't determine his loyalty at this age, just the fact that he's not a Madrid fan"

"But it's the principle, Y/N. We can't have our little boy supporting a rival team right from the start," Mason chuckles, ruffling Nicolas' tiny hair as he sleeps peacefully in his crib.

You lean in closer, a mischievous glint in your eyes. "Fine, how about this? We let him decide when he's old enough. Until then, we can take turns dressing him up in each team's gear. That way, he'll grow up knowing both teams and make his own choice."

Mason considers your proposal for a moment, a smile forming on his face. "Alright, deal. But I'm warning you, I'll be teaching him all the Chelsea chants in the meantime," he jokes, kissing your forehead.

"Okay but he has Catalan blood? He's gonna be a Culer by default"

"I'm pretty sure he's gonna be sick of both teams and become a Juventus fan by the time he can decide" The man jokes while looking at his son.

"Still better than Madrid"

yapfest part two, i put out a poll and yall said i should do this but idk if its good 😭 anyways hope you enjoyed

[itzjaza]

MISS YOU BB!!!HOPE UR ALL FINE AND WELL!! I was thinking that you should write for Peter Gadiot(Shanks) x reader rock climbing!!

Rock Cilmning, Peter G. (HI GIRLY DONT WORRY IM FINE just like I said i had to find a new salon so that my teacher would get off my dick) (anyway remember that guy I was telling you all about, the childhood bully that I'm in love with well IM NOT ANYMORE NOW I'M IN LOVE WITH A NARKOMAN😋)

Y/n hated everything that involved her climbing up. So when she got the news from the Opla production team, that she had to learn how to rock climb, to act in the show, it was safe to say she considered quitting right there and then. But somehow her boyfriend, Peter had convinced her to tag along with him and Taz to an indoor rock climbing place that was close by. "Nah babe, I can't do this," she said looking up at the wall that curved at the top and was filled with colorful rocks, all different sizes. " 'Course you can love, you got me and Taz to cheer you on." Peter said coming up to her and throwing an arm around her shoulder, "Hun, I know that you're trying to be all supportive and shit, but it's not working." she turned her head to glare at him. making him chuckle nervously and drop his hand from her shoulder. "Okay are we ready?" the trainer asked as he finished putting straps around Taz's body. "Yes." "No." The couple said at the same time, making them glance at one another before looking back at the trainer. "How the hell am I supposed to get down from here!?" Y/n screamed from the top, as Peter and Taz looked up at her from the ground "Just let go love!" Peter screamed back "But what if I fall on my head!?" she looked down at them"You won't that's what the straps are for!" "You better be right, but if I die I'll kill you!" Y/n said letting. "Dom't make me do that ever again." Y/n said as they exited the building "I won't, but the production team might." Peter took her hand into his. "I hate you." "Sure you, love," he smirked and leaned down to kiss her. making her smile. "You to really have to do that in front of me?" Taz said making them jump apart "You really have to ruin the mood?" Y/n mocked his accent making the three laugh.

[nwjn-z]

Hi :) can you please write elf king Kyle x reader headcannons or a oneshot please?

Dating Elf King Kyle [headcannons]

warning(s): none

author’s note: anon words can not express to you how incredibly sorry i am for this being so late but here you go💔

you two have always known you would be together

since the both of you were 8 you knew you would one day marry as an arrangement between your parents

though you had only met once briefly at 10, you officially began courting when you moved to his palace at 17 to prepare to wed.

when you two met again for the first time in 7 years it was very awkward

the whole getting married to basically a stranger thing was kinda weird for both of you

the awkward phase of nervous hand holding and half smiles for your parents lasted until one night

you were on your way to a ball together when he asked you about a book he saw you reading

it was about forest animals and he then asked if you’d like him to show you something

you agreed and he then whispered something to the carriage driver and sat back down and put his arm around you

you noticed the driver had took a different turn than the way to your parents palace so you asked him about it

“Kyle, where are we going?” you ask softly tilting your head slightly to the side looking up at him

“Do you trust me?” He asks looking back down at you

“I suppose I do.” You reply

“Then you will see.” he said slightly smirking

after around 15mins you arrived at the mysterious place Kyle brought you to

it was a forest, lightly wooded though it so it didn’t seem dangerous but you did wonder in that moment

“why would he take me here?”

you looked up at him confused and they back in front of you and then that’s when you saw it

a group of deer in the not to far away, enough distance to not scare them but still close enough to see them in all their glory

“Kyle!” you whisper yelled at him

“They’re cute right?” he asked with a cheeky grin

you watched as the small group of deer ate and rested in total bliss, enchanted by their delicate beauty

you watched as a small doe stood closely by its mother, fearing ever leaving her side

“They are such beautiful creatures.” you said with a giddy smile seeing them live so peacefully

“I’ve always been fond of deer.” Kyle says to you

“They are so gentle, yet strong, delicate, but never fragile, sensitive, but not weak.” he continues “they remind me of you.”

“Really?” you respond, feeling your face heat up at his words

“Yes really.” he responded with a slight giggle

after that day your relationship with Kyle grew more comfortable than before, you really felt like listened to you, heard you, and cared about you

he took time to know not only your interests but also you dislikes

he remembered how you like certain food cooked, what smells and colors you dont like, and any other little thing most people wouldn’t notice about you

Kyle always makes sure you are not only treated as a princess, but also as his future queen

he has only the best clothes tailored, the finest food cooked, and showers you with the most lavish gifts money could buy

Kyle is often away for royal duties so he feels as if he has to make up for the time he can’t spend with you by getting you gifts

You appreciate his gifts ofc but you often have to remind him that he really doesn’t have to spend so lavishly on you

he does it anyway 🙄

speaking of him being away on royal duties

he hates it

he would much rather be spending time with you than having diplomatic meetings and shit

that’s why he’s all over you when he gets back

for like weeks he’s a total leach

all and all he’s a really sweat bf/fiancé that would do anything for you <3

[avoidantvoidd]

The Nymph - Allure

The Saviour - Seduce

OH MY GODSSS OH MY FUCKING GODSSSSSS BY THE GOOD GOOD GODDDDSSSSS OH WHOAH-

these 2 drawingss??? thes two art pieces???? I HATE THEM (not really) THEY SUCKED EVERY OUNCE OF MOTIVATION THAT I MAY HAVE HAD FOR CREATING ART. ESPECIALLY EZIO. oh GODS dont get me started on 'The Saviour' FUCK. and yes, i gave up on shaing ezio's lips, no i will not take critasicm.

These fucking abomnations were inspiered by, again, @teecupangel's mermaid desmond, which i've linked in the name. and i was like WOAH, i did some AMAZING ART, it would be such a good idea to make more :).

no, void, you stupid fuck it was not.

the hands r desmond btw lmao.

also you may have noticed that altaïr and ezio r looking different (in art style) altaïr being more simplystic while ezio being an abomination more realistic. its cuz these pieces have a 1 month gap between. after i finished 'The Nymph' i was TIRED. that piece was one of my (then) finest so i was like 'hey i deserve a break' and went on to have a lil void vacation. execpt time is wacky in the void so when i came back its already been a month and ezio's piece was only a sketch so i rushed to finish it.

after i was don coloring the base, i strted shading it expecting it to turn out like altaïr's but NO. it just HAD to turn out better then the onei put so much effort into. Ezio's immaculet shading was an accident. i didn't know how i did that. and i was planning on going back and re-shaing 'The Nymph' but oH GODS i was Drained after i was done with the monstrocity (The Saviour) so i was like, fuck it, i dont care anymore and just decided to post it. cuz if i dont now i probably never will.

also this was supossed to be a three piece work with Ratonhnhaké:ton being the last but like i said no motivation, im burnt out rn cuz of my sudden skills (ahahah).

i'll add him here after im done w him, i'm not leaving raton behind, i just need some more time to recharge my energy.

anyways thats all. i'll post more memes and stuff about medusa!desmond and his wacky adventures with him ancestors :333.

the state these fanrts had left me in

im not even joking.

[puhpandas]

things I consider canon to my flashlight duo universe:

gregory and Evan move in together when they're adults. evan runs to live with the fazbears as soon as he turns 18 and they go from there. whether it's college or just an apartment

gregory is what introduces Evan to drawing and he loves it. they both keep up with the hobby when they're older as well. gregory likes drawing comics and maybe becomes a graphic novelist and I think Evan would like painting

Evan eventually meets vanessa when hes about 14 and she becomes the older sibling he always wanted. he always felt intimidated by her idea because shes Gregory's actual biological sibling and Evan holds that to a high honor because he wants to be. but they get along and vanessa being there for Evan makes him feel like part of the family even more

Roxy and evan are close. roxy kinda takes Evan under her wing because although its not the same experience because roxy had a support system her whole life, she wants to help him through what she also went through. she helps him learn an outlet to control his emotions more to be more manageable and is a calm shoulder to lean on for evan.

in the event that the bite happens (it doesnt usually), I think after Evan heals and recovers he and bonnie would bond over their scars and bonnie would make him feel better about them

evan meets cassidy later on when hes mellowed out some. I dont think she would have liked him a lot before but when hes healed more and gotten better with his sensitivity they get along pretty good. I think cassidy wouldnt have many friends and probably be considered a troublemaker because of her anger issues and her lashing out and Evan uses what hes learned with his emotions to help her. I'll say they're both teens here

freddy and the other adults wanted nothing more than to march over to the Aftons and declare that they're taking Evan forever but they couldnt. I think that they wanted to actually go through a process of adoption and taking custody but that would have affected Michael too and I'm not sure if they thought it was worth it. especially when Evan says hes alright with the fact that things arent perfect and that he already practically spends his whole life there anyway with how he spends the night.

I imagine william isnt the best cook and Michael probably has other means of getting food on top of not minding eating frozen dinners. but I imagine Evan probably didn't like a lot of foods (hes a kid and also. neurodivergent) and didnt have many things he enjoyed. so I think chica saw this and introduced evan to different foods and tried to help him figure out what he likes so he can eat better and enjoy it at the same time

Gregory and Evan are avid claw machine players

off screen when they're not having a moment with eachother every 5 seconds they play games like roblox and minecraft since they're in the modern day. I think Gregory gave Evan one of his older phones that still worked since he didnt have his own (theres nothing wrong with it, just an older model and maybe a little slow) and he plays on that.

gregory will draw during sleepovers and then give it to Evan to color in. gregory always keeps them and hangs them up or puts them somewhere for safe keeping because Evan doesnt want something to happen to them at his house

gregory hates pickles and Evan loves them

evan is an avid sweater wearer and the Fazbears buy him more when he only has like 1 or 2 and his other clothes are starting to get too small. he keeps sweaters at Gregory's house because he basically lives there already

theres a movie night every saturday while everyone is available at the Fazbears

michael starts to lay off a bit after a little while (think a couple years) just because Evan isnt even around as much for him to terrorize. Michael doesn't like being at home either and since they dont see eachother as much bullying Evan isnt in his minds eye as often. it just doesnt come to mind to do as much at that point

because of genes and chica helping him eat good, evan grows to be taller than Michael

evan experiments with gender later in life as a young adult and is lowkey surprised to learn that Gregory has been transgender this whole time

evan develops huge holiday spirit and for the rest of his days loves to decorate and do holiday-ey things for the season

[jo-gakky]

ONE PIECE AU LORE! (or smth) (I know no-one asked for this but ANYWAY! i wanna do a little silly and expand on my little one piece AU :) ) ((Also note : Any designs depicted here are just examples, and are not what the characters exactly look like in this au)) Hi there! just here to expand upon my one piece "god" AU (which is more like a sun and moon au but regardless-) basically in this universe, different one piece characters are assigned a sun, moon or star (not a specific star, just a star-) and basically are the "incarnations" of their assigned aspect. For example : Buggy is assigned the earths moon, specifically (not all character have specific assigned suns/moons, at least for now. Only Buggy and the Reader have an assigned sun and moon) (oh yeah in case the tags weren't clear on the first post, this is an self indulgent au i made so ofc there's a reader insert- if that's not your thing, that's alright, just letting you know-) and all of Buggy's crew are assigned to the starts surrounding the earth (i am no astrologist, my brain is too small for that, so dont be surprised if this is all very basic and/or wrong-) To name some characters that are sun gods in this au : -Luffy -Shanks -Eustass Kidd -Doflamingo -Garp -Ace -Roger to name a few- As for some moon gods in this au : -Law -Corazon -Big mom -Dragon -Rayleigh -Hawkins to name a few (if you wanna know what a specific character would be assigned, feel free to ask!) Also! in situations, a star can become a sun! To name an example of characters that are on that path in this au are: -Coby -Sabo This can also happen but instead the star becomes a moon! Some characters going though this in this au are : -Katakuri -Yamato ((Comets will also become a thing that characters can be, but i need to settle the lore for that first-)) All gods have a more,,, monstrous?? humanoid?? cooler??! form? idk how to explain it- Also, all sun gods have white hair, HOWEVER! the inside or their hair can be a different color! like for example with Shanks :

His hair is mainly white, but has a under-layer?? that is red- Moon gods can just have whatever hair they want- Tho for moon gods, a body part always becomes blue or gets a blue gradient (Fx Buggy's nose became blue. Something like that-) Stars usually have a white streak if they work with a sun god :

And stars working with a moon god have inversed eyes :

Also there is no beef between suns and moons specifically. If two characters have beef its just bc they hate each others guts or whatever- All moons/suns/stars have personal meeting spaces and rooms, but they are not exclusive and anyone can go anywhere- I'll world build a bit as i go, but here is a little bit of what i have so far. ((also if you have any questions, i'd love to hear them! it'll make me very silly <33))

[xxbimboboyxx]

Alright guess what, its time for the post i promised complaining about Stephs canon hoco dress

(people who asked to see the post: @aliensinvadingminds @jasontodd420 @captaincrazycreative )

So i fucking hate the dress Starkid chose for Mariah to wear as steph for the hoco scene in npmd: Heres why

Partially my hate for it is just a general dislike for that style of dress because i think of them as boring. But hey if someone irl wants to wear it i dont care, dress how you want lol. But the dress does not fit the theme of a homecoming dance or prom, the rest pf the outfits in that scene are pretty fair for a dance, ***Stacy’s is a little more club than school dance but it still works. Stephs dress is way too boring for a hoco dance, it also doesnt really fit with her vibe, idk what exactly she would wear but i feel it would be a little different. The only good thing about that dress is that its cute how the color matches petes bowtie, Like how her flannel matched his bowtie and suspenders at the beginning. ALSO those shoes do NOT go with that dress, what were they thinkinggg😭

Now of course i dont mean to be nit picky i love starkid, and i think their budget was just a little too little for npmd to do what they wanted. So maybe they had to get a cheaper dress than they wanted. Or maybe since larger sizes of clothes often have less cute(and general) options for women. So maybe it was all they could get, but anyway I think thats all about the dress. I’ll add an edit if i think of something else i dislike about the dress.

Also her shoes are unevenly tied????

***Edit: Not about the dress, but i didnt know that the blonde girl at the dance was not stacy, That is brooke apparently💀

[imustbenuts]

Seadall, localization, food, EABS culture, and discussion of Eating Disorder. Trigger Warning.

tl;dr: Seadall is pandering to an East Asian Beauty Standard, technically does not have eating disorder, but is bordering on Disordered Eating, and both the writers and localizers know it.

Our first official male dancer of FE has a bit of a obsession over controlling his diet to a concerning degree. But is it actually an Eating Disorder? No, I don't think so. From my pov, this has everything to do with his job, a Dancer and the dreaded East Asian Beauty Standard (EABS).

EABS idealizes the fair skinned (asian colorism rAAAAGH), the lean and thin. Any level of fats or flaps are no good and is considered undesirable, or worse, a sign of one's gluttonous and even slothful character. IRL, that sentiment has become less pervasive, less judgemental and less awful than 10 years ago, but it's still around. Hell, it's in our Fire Emblems! Average out the body shapes of all dancers or even characters in FE and you'll see what I mean.

(are you in hell yet.)

This EABS is especially prevalent in 1 genre of media that comes pouring out of Japan and Korea... The Pop Idol scene. In Japan, the idol industry can be traced back to the 1960s, and though it has propped up the EABS, this standard's roots goes FURTHER back to even pre-colonialism era, to China and the Tang Dynasty where willowy female bodies were ideal. (That's 618-907AD.)

And when I say EABS, I will include the surrounding countries outside of Japan too. Similarities in culture and all that. Hence East Asian. (Don't be mistaken though. South East and South Asia also has to deal with this shit.)

But hey. I'm still talking about female EABS, right? Where does Seadall fall into this?

Uhhhh. Jumpscare. Surprise K-pop.

(ps i dont know k-pop as well so idk who these ppl are im sorry waaaaug)

Dancers and the Idol Industry

It's easier to see on the female side, but uh, that specific body shape is often achieved through extreme dieting. The body fat % is so low that the dancer's lower ribcage can be seen. Before shooting the dance or a performance, these idol's agencies will notify them to slim down to a certain goal, like say drop 2kg (4.4 lbs) or 4kg (8.8 lbs) in x time, and this is typical. Guys here are no exception.

Weight is manufactured. Looks to some extent (plastic... surgery....). The clothes too, are intentionally picked. Exposing the belly is common since it's the quickest indicator of skinniness.

But hey, I actually lied about the dieting part. It's not really dieting as it's actually straight up starvation, tbh. To lose that weight, the dancers/idols will often eat as little as some protein shake, a few fruits and maybe potato for fiber. Yes, it's as hellish as it sounds, and no, these people are unable to fully function with a calorie intake like this. Source for this claim will be in a video at the bottom of the post by youtuber chaebin n out, titled "How K-POP Destroys Your Body". So.

W̵͓͍̏͝e̴͉̾ḽ̷͈͐ĉ̶̠̝͋ö̶̤́m̷̲̒ê̶̬ ̶̧̅ṭ̷̘͑͑ö̵͇́ ̸̛͖̑h̵̳̿͝ė̶͕͉l̵̜͖̇͗ḻ̶̑!̴̪͊̉

Ok, but that's K-pop. What about J-pop?

Japan, where FE rolls out from, have J-pop, which is slightly different. J-pop idols also suffer from EABS but afaik it's not as extreme. Many contemporary J-pop idol groups like Atarashii Gakko!(left) and Babymetal(right) also Do Not make thinness a major selling point with their costuming. This is usually done through hiding the midriff, where belly fat most easily forms. (EABS is still in effect though, don't be mistaken! There could be just as extreme cases out there I'm not aware of ;_;)

So it seems like people kind of agree that obsessing about weight and developing body image issue is messed up.

Hopefully now I've established what is going on irl for Seadall's influences, and what is considered normal or extreme. Relatively anyway. (I hate EABS so much hhggr)

Let's detour to...

Food! Staples! What's normal?

An average meal in Japan consists of a variety of veggies, tofu and a serving of protein, which results in lower fat intake. Also, RICE is a major staple in these meals, so assuming the writers are approaching it with the best intentions, and how Engage's normal might appear to native Japanese audiences, JP Seadall's worry only seems to be on oily food intake and is not overly concerning to me.

In fact, here is an example of a staple set meal (teishoku) I ate over there last December. Yum yum:

Overall a very lean meal. So it's likely Seadall eats something similar-ish and not just greens.

Another important point is that in (East) Asia/Japan, oily food is seen as unhealthy and contributes greatly to cholesterol. This aversion to oily food is driven somewhat by EABS and... Health. I also promise most people are actually chill about this. ...Most people! Meat is yummy! Gyukaku and Ikinari Steak is popular and popping! That's why Seadall likes it after all.

So this is where Seadall's writing starts to contrast. For the most part in the EN version, he only worries about meat. In JP, it's technically oily food, which meat falls under, and he's worried about putting on weight.

Why the extreme worry tho...?

The logic for why all these matters so much to him is this: if a dancer is surrounded by other dancers who are reinforcing this EABS (mirroring the standards of the real world), then their only choice to stay relevant and keep their job is to commit to the same dietary choice and uphold the same EABS, or even have a EABS outperforming the standard.

Because a Dancer's job, or rather, Seadall's job is to pander to people's ideals of beauty. Hence his supports where hair and skin and food becomes a topic.

If he fails the standard, according to the J-pop and K-pop industry, he kind of fails at his job. Is it fair? Fuck no, but no matter what opinion we may think of the standard as outsiders, it remains that there is a LOT of social conditioning and manufacturing going on leading to... all of that. I scream too. I scream a lot, internally.

So what does Seadall look like to someone in this East Asian sphere...?

To the writers credit, they do push for Seadall to indulge more food that makes him happy for at least his mental well-being through the other characters.

This also happens to fall in line with Engage's low key theme of cherishing the moment.

With all I've explained, Seadall might come across as warning to those who over-worry about oily food consumption and trying to pander to an EABS to... chill the fuck out. That it's ok to just go eat some delicious yakiniku if you want to! Go off! If a female character who is concerned with this comes across as too vain, then let's have a guy do it and hope the point lands for the (potentially female) players.

And with all these missing context, it's very easy for one who isn't clued into this sphere assume that Seadall has some eating disorder or that the writers are advocating it. I don't think that's happening here at all. The localizers likely are aware of this missing context and have toned it down several levels for EN release. Wise move, tbh.

(progressiveness can be relative btw. something to keep in mind @_@)

So, is Seadall coming close to some kind of Disordered Eating? Possible. From what I see I think the writers are trying to push Seadall away from it, and trying to stop it from becoming a full blown Eating Disorder. Personally, again, I don't think he has an Eating Disorder.

However! Your Mileage May Vary. I only hope for my opinion and understanding to help inform others, not override it. What's normal for me isn't for everyone, and vice versa, but it's important to remember where Fire Emblem originates from.

And here's the last thing I promised: the video essay if you really want to dive into it:

And that's about it.

Hope this was interesting! Thanks for reading. 😄

EDIT: the Chinese net sphere is the exception to all of this, EABS is especially bad there

[grox]

Peoole acting like trump being in office again will automatically lightning bolt vampire open curtains all trans people into a big pile of ash blown away in the wind no stupid he hates mexicans and blacks it'll be worse for us not you and even then how good is it now? That 99% hitler and 100% hitler and not voting gets you double hitler and some people are still fighting for their lives justifying still voting and begging people to vote cause now trans people are the biiiig vulnerable group and uhhh actively being genocided like.. Okay. Mega hitlers mad at you okay. Not that things are peachy keep for you butttt. A country built exclusively on, race based genocides. Slavery.. Black and brown people overseas are being genocided. Slsvery... Black people in your own country are being killed as a result of the reverberations of those genocides. [Coughs] slavery. Exploited 3rd world labor. The cogs and wires in place. The american justyce system. Jim crow was not about you. Yes even if you're irish. Being transgender is a random chance and yes it is important that you are safe or what fucking ever cause dying and being killed sucks but being colored is genetic. CONCRETE. Passed directly from parent to child. Irrefutable, and can't truly be hidden. there are genes that, push come to shove, in an evil world, and we do live in an evil world, people want those genes extinct. And will try to make extonct. Have tried to make extinct. And theres proof of that, there is a very old history in the us of trying to eradicate us. Surgeons love to sterilize black women. Always have. My aunt was sterilized after her third child and not to put all my business out here but even though she wasnt sterilized the reproductive care my mother recieved (Healthcarr in general. Not elaborating.) Was um not good and she became infertile after having me. Cause they dont care cause they love less black people. And they love less trans people too. But nowhere near to this scale and extent and with such historical practice. And you as a white goyish trans person will never have to worry about that.. You will never have to deal with nor be the result of the gerations worth of this shit, nor the whole "lighten the race" shit that once a family gets a taste for is impossible for the generations it makes to recover from I mean look at me I'm all fucked up. And it's evil but I must reiterate the world is beyond evil. & their children never will never truly be safe because the people who want you genocided can sniff out a fucking drop of n*gga blood if they want to. I look like nothing and still get clocked. Same goes for any race theyve decided to turn towards. But there is no transgender phenotype.. strange! If they start rounding people up to kill I guarantee it will not be you unless you have that drop of blood in you in whoch case- congrstulations now be smart. Because you people really do not understand that a racist may see you as a freak and want to kill you because they're inclined to kill people they hate but we to them aren't even fucking people we are pests & god forbid you be trans while colored. But no trumps not gonna do a single thing differently from what already fucking exists and hopefully itll all be over soon anyway lord willing & god bless

[ca-suffit]

There's a new interview in which the interviewer asks both Sam Reid and Assad Zaman to describe their characters relationship to Louis. And is so funny to watch how they talk about them side by side.

Because, Sam Reid was like: "You know when you are a vampire there's a loneliness and a real fear people will leave you and Lestat thinks Louis can support being his companion in his inmortal life, and loves his strength and that's what they are soulmates."

Wherareas Assad Zaman is more like "Armand is very selfish in his love for Louis and that's the tragedy of their romance."

[This is paraphrased]

Which neither of them are completely wrong. But it is interesting to note how Sam Reid is more lenient, for the lack of a better word, with his interpretation of Lestat (I think his as selfish a bastard as Armand), and Assad Zaman is less generous with Armand.

I dont know if this is some great insight, but I do find it interesting how the fandom (and some interviewers) also treats their characters in a similar way. Like people are rightly calling Armand on his bullshit and giving him the hate he deserves for directing Claudia's linching, meanwhile forgetting Lestat stared in it.

Also, personally I found Assad Zaman's response to be more unique to Armand, I don't know, something about Sam Reid's made me think he was talking about all/any vampires not just Lestat. And it makes me wonder, if Assad Zaman is able to look at Armand through a more "objective" (still subjective ofcourse but less rose-colored) lense because his character is not being pushed as the favorite (not to say people don't love it) while in the other hand Lestat is said to be the protagonist of next season, so he needs to be seen in a more likeable light, and that is why Sam Reid is more kind to it.

Plus Louis & Lesstat being teased to reunite, meanwhile Louis & Armand finishing this season with the fastest divorce ever.

(PS. Using their full names because I feel weird about using just their first names)

I rly like all the ways ur looking at this and thinking about it. I wish ppl like u could be doing these interviews tbh.

reading this, I was also trying to remember if I knew assad's history with any knowledge of the VC stories beforehand. we all know sam read them as a teenager and all that, but idk about assad. that could also account for their different perspectives.

I do think that lestat and louis getting back together *is* a driving force of a lot of ppl (from cast to fans) softening lestat's actions. although I also wonder why they feel the need to do that tbh (I generally know *why* I'm just saying....it's literally not required tho).

I think there's two ways u could tell this story. most likely, given what they've said, they're leaning towards keeping it romantic and learning from past mistakes. but u could also tell the story of cycles of abuse and being unable to escape them. I think ppl not giving room for others to explore that second option, even if it's unlikely that's gonna be reality, is just shit tbh. let ppl explore things in fiction ffs. especially as a lot of these darker theories are coming from fans of color who are also usually queer and/or trans and don't have many outlets for exploring interracial abuse like this plot has given. shouting down all those experiences to say "well it's not what they're doing so stop talking about it" is fucked up. isn't that what fandom is for?? exploring why things are meaningful to u, using it as a tool to express urself in diff ways and connect with others over it too?? fuck anne rice forever for creating this selfish breed of rotten fans who can't let anyone else exist outside their own warped interpretations and hcs.

I'm kind of getting off topic lol but anyway. lots to think about.

4:05 at the interview here btw

[st2r-b0y]

Hi gang I wanna talk abt the steven universe finale (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

◦◦,°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°,◦◦◦◦,°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°,◦◦◦◦,°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°,◦◦

Okay I'm a HUGE steven universe fan, and I know that the fandom has been dead for a while now but idc I wanna talk abt my issues with the fandom and how ppl just misinterpret the show.

And no I'm not talking abt the lilly orchards and the ppl with the most braindead takes u have ever heard cuz I feel like they've been talked abt enough. No, I wanna talk abt the finale and I wanna talk abt White Diamond cuz imo she causes sm controversy in the fandom.

Lemme just say I LOVE white diamond, she's in my top 10 su characters for sure, and I feel like a lot of ppl dont understand her arc and her character in general.

Like yes she did bad things and yes I wish we got to see more of her overall but the fucking show got cancelled before it was supposed to and imo ppl need to take that into account when talking abt her and the finale. Her character and her arc does make sense in regards to the buildup and the show as a whole. I feel like a lot of ppl just wanted a boos fight which #1 would've completely gone against the point of the show and also she's like 100 ft tall with mind control powers they were not beating WD in a fight idc. Not to mention the fact that we lowk got a boss fight right before that anyway so that would've just been repetitive.

And just thinking abt her character, she represents everything and nothing at the same time. She's every color of the light, but she's also empty without the reflection of the other colors. She perceives that emptiness as perfection cuz that's the easiest thing to believe. She's probably older than time itself and has never rlly been proven wrong in any circumstance so when she finds out that pink is gone and steven is steven obviously she's gonna have a fucking identity crisis.

Steven didn't "defeat" her, he just changed her mind, (idk maybe like that's a core theme of the show or smthn) and changed her perspective. He showed her that things can change and that things aren't set in stone. (wow what another core theme thats crazy)

Also another thing she didn't want to murder Steven and I fucking hate it when ppl say that. I don't think she's ever seen a human before and in her mind steven is just pink in a different form so pulling out his gem wouldn't kill him. In reality yeah it probably would, I'm just saying that wasn't her intention.

Anyway this post was way too long and probably doesn't make any sense. I don't expect many ppl to see this either especially cuz I'm barely active on here unless Im looking at fanart but if ur reading this hopefully u got smthn out of it. (°◡°♡)

◦◦,°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°,◦◦◦◦,°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°,◦◦◦◦,°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°,◦◦

[vivitalks]

you are a wildflower garden growing in my head

not to be insane about my own fanfiction that i wrote but i am a little insane about this one. so like come be insane with me. join me. dont be afraid. i dont bite (lying) nico deserves hobbies especially when they enable his own self-actualization. anyway. this was written for the bingo prompt "jason remembers nico" i'm normal normal normal about it (still lying) title from the witching hour by the ready set. nico di angelo ass song read it here on ao3

Jason finds Nico among the strawberry plants, staining his hands and knees with dirt.

It's not…like, he's not embarrassed. Plenty of people like to garden. Nico is entitled to his hobbies. Even secret ones. And it’s only a secret because he doubts the Demeter and Dionysus kids would be particularly receptive to Nico tampering with their beloved source of income.

Despite this, he can't help his instinct to be defensive when Jason walks up, the early evening sun haloing him in light.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Nico gestures. “Weeding.”

“Cool,” Jason says, because he’s Jason. “Mind if I join you?”

“To keep me company, or to help?”

“Whichever.”

Nico points to a few rogue sprouts. “If you're here anyway, you might as well get your hands dirty.”

“Done,” Jason says, immediately tearing out the weed with ruthless force. Nico cringes.

“Try to be gentler,” he says, and demonstrates on his own. “Like this. And make sure to get the roots out, otherwise it’ll just grow back.”

“What's the difference?” Jason asks. “We're killing it either way.”

“Yeah, but…” Nico squirms. “Just because we're killing it, doesn't mean we have to make it suffer. Wouldn't you rather die in your sleep than bleed out with all your limbs torn off?”

Graphic, but it gets the point across.

“Fair enough.” Jason looks a little faint, but he tugs out the next weed with a lot more precision, careful to unearth its roots and all.

“I know it takes a little longer,” Nico says, “but mercy is a worthwhile use of time. In my opinion.”

Jason has this look. It lands on Nico. “You never cease to amaze me,” he says. Almost reverently.

Nico turns the color of strawberries. “Shut up. Keep weeding.”

“Aye aye.” Jason salutes and returns to his assigned task. Every so often he'll stop to check with Nico if something is a weed or not, but he's always gentle pulling them out.

After a few minutes, Nico says, “How did you find me?”

Because realistically, anyone looking for Nico would probably never consider checking the strawberry fields. In fact, most people would discourage him from being there at all.

“I don't know,” Jason says, which causes Nico to look up in surprise. A thoughtful look crosses Jason's face. “Lucky guess, I suppose.”

“Hell of a guess,” Nico says, reaching for another green shoot. It comes out of the earth so easily, barely old enough to have burrowed down, and some part of Nico feels a sting at that. Plants uprooted before ever having a chance to grow. Nico knows what that's like.

He also knows that weeds don't mean to be bad. They don't mean to be anything; they're harmful only when rooted near bigger, better flora. It's not their fault they hog the nutrients and land. Like any living thing, all they want is to survive. Their only crime is trying to grow with something prettier flourishing close by.

Nico knows that feeling, too.

He really hates weeding. But he's long since learned it's a necessary part of gardening, and of life. Not everyone can live. Not everyone can grow. Some plants — some people — are poison. Sometimes the only thing to do is to whisper apologies and dig out the roots, and hope that whatever this dead plant becomes next has better luck than what it was first.

“Did you need something?”

“Do I have to need something?”

“No, but…” Nico shrugs. “I don’t know. I assume you hunted me down for something. And you didn’t have to stay here and help me weed.”

“I did not hunt you down,” Jason says indignantly. “I was looking for you because I wanted to hang out with you. You’re doing this, so I’m doing it too.” 

“I'm not trying to say you shouldn't. And I always—” Nico falters. Stupid. This is his boyfriend. If he wanted to continue being an unknowable enigma with emotions under lock, key, and unbreakable steel trapdoor, he wouldn't have gotten himself involved with Jason ‘Heart On His Heroic Sleeve’ Grace. “I always want to hang out with you. I just meant, you didn’t have to help. You could have sat and done nothing.”

“Look, if I'm that bad at weeding, you can just say—”

Nico throws a handful of weeds at Jason and he dodges, laughing. “Shut up. I hate you. I wish I could pull you up by the roots.”

Smiling, Jason says, “You kind of did.”

Nico's brain gives him an error message.

“What does that mean?”

“I mean…you literally uprooted me.” Once again, he has that pensive expression, like Nico is an abstract painting that Jason is admiring while also trying to interpret. It's not the worst way to be looked at. “My whole life before you was Camp Jupiter. The legion. Being Roman. Being Jupiter's kid.”

“I didn't change all of that,” Nico points out. “You did.”

He can feel the chill of the cold ground through his jeans. Every inch of his palms is smudged with dirt. Jason's hands are starting to look the same. There's a dark streak by his hairline, and one on his jaw, and the setting sun keeps glinting off his glasses. It is, on the whole, unfairly attractive of him.

Jason hums like maybe, maybe not. “It still feels like you were the catalyst to all that change. The good change, not the…manipulated-by-Juno change.”

“I appreciate what you're doing,” Nico says, “but you understand that's ridiculous, right? We didn't know each other until after the prophecy and the quest and everything. I can't have had any impact on you before then.”

“But you were at Camp Jupiter. You arrived just before I disappeared.”

“I know that,” — People suspected me, Nico doesn't add — “but we barely spoke.”

“Yeah, but you…” Jason falls silent, his eyebrows drawn together. If Nico was art before, he's a riddle now, and Jason is struggling to solve it. “I just…feel like it was important. The timing.”

Nico buries his fingers in the ground, relishing the way the dirt crumbles and closes around his touch.

“The timing was important,” he says. “My dad knew Hera was planning something, so he sent me to Camp Jupiter like…an advance team. But it had nothing to do with you.” He pauses. “No offense.”

“No, none taken.” Jason’s laugh is a little off. “I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy.”

“If you're crazy, I belong in an asylum,” Nico says, digging and digging until he can feel the roots of the closest weed. He pinches it between his thumb and forefinger, and watches as it turns brown, then shrivels into a dead, drooping dandelion.

He winces. That's his least favorite weeding strategy. He didn't even mean to do it just now. It's like his own body is saying, You're damn right you should be locked up. See what you can do?

I'm helping plants grow, he retorts.

His brain says, Only you would inflict death and call it ‘helping’.

Nico growls under his breath and stops listening to his brain.

“Anyway, you're not crazy,” he adds belatedly. “A goddess literally played with your memory and identity like Play-Doh, so cut yourself some slack.”

It’s quiet for a moment. Nico figures Jason is deep in thought, but when he glances up, he sees a different look on Jason’s face — like he’s just solved the riddle.

“I’ve seen you do that before.”

It’s quiet and distant, Jason’s voice, and weighted with a revelation. Of something, though Nico’s not sure what. Nico doesn’t mean to, but he recoils a little — at the thought of Jason, some previous Jason, watching him ruthlessly murder an innocent plant, maybe even without meaning to.

“At Camp Jupiter,” Jason murmurs.

Those words don’t make sense. They smack into Nico’s memory like birds into a glass window pane, seeking a target and failing miserably.

“What?”

“At camp,” Jason says slowly, his hands resting limply in the loam. Behind the frames of his glasses, his eyes are unfocused. “One of your…first days there. I saw. You killed a hyacinth.”

An icy hand reaches into Nico’s chest, past his ribs, and closes around his heart.

“You saw that?”

Jason nods, still lost in the memory. “You were coming up to the principia, and you knelt to admire the flowers.”

To admire the flowers. Yes. That’s all he'd been doing. The walkway leading to the principia had been gorgeous, elegant flora lining the path in a rainbow of colors, a dozen or more different varieties in bloom. And Nico had only wanted to appreciate their beauty. To breathe in the fragrance of something so alive. 

“As soon as you touched it,” Jason says, “it died.”

Nico flinches.

“I was— I was nervous,” he says anxiously. “You and Reyna had asked to see me, and I was afraid you would decide I couldn’t stay. Couldn��t— be trusted.”

“I…” One of Jason’s hands comes up to rub the back of his neck, smudging dirt all over himself. “When I saw that, I had my doubts. But the way you reacted — like you were scared of yourself.” He shakes his head, his eyes sliding over Nico but with the distinct impression of looking beyond him. “I thought you must not have done it on purpose.”

“I didn’t.” Nico feels sick. He doesn’t know what to do here. Jason can’t even look at him. “I had never done it before, not by accident. I was scared.”

“And then I saw something else,” Jason says, blinking repeatedly. He pulls his glasses down the bridge of his nose and rubs his eyes with grimy hands, leaving the impression of twin shiners behind. But when he pushes his glasses up again, his gaze is sharp and focused. He faces Nico, straightening his shoulders. “That night, I watched you plant a new hyacinth.”

Nico stares. The ground underneath him might as well be thin air. “You…you saw that?”

“It was late,” Jason says, perfectly clear now, growing more certain every second. “I mean, later than anyone should have been up and about, but I left something in the principia, so I went back to get it, and when I came out, you were there. Kneeling by the flowers, just like that morning.”

Nico vividly remembers this. The wilted hyacinth had haunted him that whole day, a lethal combination of guilt and fear in equal measure. Something beautiful and alive was now ugly and dead, because of him. If he could do that to a flower, without even meaning to, what could he do to another person? What if he could stop someone’s heart on contact? How could Nico ever trust his own touch again?

And then something else had arisen, the way a new substance can emerge from two chemicals interacting. Determination. Nico may have been a child of death, but damn it, he could be more than that. He had to be more than that.

“I killed something,” Nico says hollowly. “I wanted to give something else life. To atone.”

Jason puts his dirt-stained hand over the knee of Nico’s equally dirt-stained jeans.

“Nico, I watched you plant that flower. I saw…” He hesitates. “I saw you pray. I couldn’t hear you, but the way you just…” He shakes his head, obviously overcome by the memory. “You didn’t do it for anyone else. You weren’t trying to prove anything to the Romans, you were just trying to make up for your mistake.”

“I didn’t know you were there,” Nico says weakly. How long had Jason stood in the shadows of the principia, a silent observer, as Nico mourned for one dead flower?

Jason ducks his head for a second. “I thought— I didn’t want to embarrass you,” he admits. “I figured you would misunderstand me if I said I had been watching you.”

Well, that’s true enough.

“I forgot,” Jason says, which is a familiar sentence out of his mouth. He grips Nico’s leg tighter. “But now I remember, and I was right. It was important. The timing was important.”

“What timing? What are you talking about?”

“My whole life, I had this feeling like I wanted to be more than who my father was,” Jason says. “I mean, you know. Big Three dad. They named the camp for him. Big shoes to fill, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to fill them, but a small part of me was always thinking, why me? Why can’t someone else lead? You know?”

Nico nods. He does know.

“And then you came along,” Jason says. “The only other Big Three kid I had ever met. And yeah, at first, you seemed like the quintessential descendant of Pluto.”

“Scary, unapproachable, and surrounded by death?”

Jason breathes a laugh. “Yeah. But then I watched you plant a flower.” A slow-growing smile starts at his lips, then spreads up his cheekbones and illuminates his eyes. “The son of death. Nurturing life. Showing remorse and empathy for the living thing he’d killed, that he didn’t even mean to kill.” There’s impossible brightness in Jason’s gaze. “You were so much more than just the son of Pluto. And I thought: if he can do it, why can’t I?”

Nurturing life. Like now, Nico thinks, deliberately closing his fingers around the base of a strawberry plant. That instance, the one Jason is talking about — that had been the beginning of a chain reaction in Nico, turning all of his fear and self-doubt into stubborn conviction. The slow dawning of his refusal to being bound by his father’s name. He would always be Hades’s son, but sooner or later, he had to become his own man, write his own story, choose his own fate. Be Nico di Angelo, and decide who exactly Nico di Angelo would be.

He’d known then who he wanted to be. Someone who protects. Preserves. Sustains. Someone who accepts death and who cultivates life, who one day strikes a balance between light and dark.

He’s not that person yet. But he’s a hell of a lot closer than he once was. And it began with that hyacinth, planted under moonlight.

To which Jason bore witness.

If Nico believed in coincidences, he would call this one. As it is, he tends to believe that everything happens for a reason. Nico was fated to plant that flower. Jason was fated to watch.

“I’m telling you, Nico, it was you who got me thinking about how I could be more than just Jupiter’s son,” Jason says. “You really opened my eyes. And then a month later, when Juno took me…” He chews his lip. “I didn’t remember that moment until now, but I remember how I felt afterwards, like I wanted to just — do something spontaneous, something completely out of character. Surrender my rank and figure out what Jason Grace could do that Jupiter couldn’t. Even when I had amnesia, and even after that, I still had that feeling. It’s what made it so easy for me to choose Greek, to promote Frank as praetor, and then to stay here.” His fist knocks a quick pattern against Nico’s chest. The rhythm is indistinguishable from Nico’s heartbeat. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised it started with you.”

Nico, historically not great with emotions, pulls Jason in by the shirtfront and kisses him in all his dirt-smudged glory. Jason laughs, but he doesn’t break away to do it, so it vibrates over Nico’s lips and travels down his throat like a mild electric shock.

“What?” Nico asks, pulling away.

Jason’s smile looks indestructible. “Nothing.”

“You laughed.”

“I like when you kiss me,” Jason says, with the sun shining from his dimples. “That’s all.”

Nico blushes. “Oh.”

“I didn’t mean to stop you.” Jason’s lips twitch. “But while I’m at it, I guess I should thank you.”

“Thank me for what?” For kissing you? Nico considers, but he’s not that deluded. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You always say that,” Jason says, “after doing something amazing.”

This blush is not going anywhere, anytime soon. “Well, I didn’t do anything on purpose. I didn’t know you were watching.”

“Exactly. You inspired me without even meaning to.” Jason cups his face, so tender. Always. “Then and now.”

“It’s like you want me to kiss you,” Nico says, because he can’t take a compliment to save his life.

But Jason only grins. “I do want you to kiss me.”

Out of respect for Jason’s request, Nico kisses him again. 

This time, Jason doesn’t laugh.

Nico twists Jason's shirt into his fingers, right over his hips. Jason buries his hands into Nico’s already-tangled hair. A cool breeze rustles the plants on all sides and tickles their exposed skin.

Jason is gentle. Not like Nico is fragile, but more like Nico is worth taking his time. He breathes, “Sorry if I get dirt in your hair.”

“Don’t care,” Nico murmurs.

If only Nico from Camp Jupiter could see him now. Kissing a beautiful boy in a field of living things. 

I did this, he thinks. I nurtured this.