#dont know. why i decided to share this
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every night before i go to sleep i watch the same video
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ABH is not even that good
oookay? then enjoy all the other books?
#i genuinely dont know how to respond#like ok????#i respect your opinion?#i love abh but you dont have to#idk why you decided your opinion was so valuable that you had to share with me personally though but good for you#rc abh
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cant stress how obsessed i am with yamaguchis shirt
#snap chats#this is rgg related because i said so shut up ANYWAY#i DID steal this from twitter but i need to share it every with everyone so im not sorry#the person i stole this from rt'd a photoset from themselves and in it motomiya wearing The Silliest outfit ever#but ive already shared too much. ive already gone off topic too much we're moving on#i will bookmark it tho cause it makin me giggle#anyway if you cant read it. and id be so happy to type out what it says.#it says 'can't miss it!! you've got to go to nepal they have a big festival called Maha Shivaratri full moon night in february'#dont know why it makes me giggle it just does. like fuck man maybe i SHOULD go to nepal in february <- maha shivaratri is in march next yea#anyway everyone be nice to me today i have a spanish exam later and it Should be easy#but i was fighting god and the devil last night trying to sleep because my cramps decided to kick my ass EXTRA hard#I NEVER GET BAD CRAMPS WHYYYY DID IT HAVE TO BE BEFRE AN EXAM WHEN I NEED GOOD SLEEP !!!!!!#im lucky my spanish class is in the evening but god it was so painful#the last time i experienced pain as bad as that was when i was trying to sleep after busting my wrist#so awful.... i hurt a lil now but i'll get through it#ok bye let me study up just to reaffirm some Spanish Knowledge with myself
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Oh fuck guys lmfao
When I liked Aphmau the first time I was a little girl sitting in their bedroom. Like a GIRL. I mean not really, not on the inside, I felt very much as if I had been squished into the wrong shape but I never had the words to say it and it presented as intense self esteem problems, but like, long hair and #feminism (not actual feminism the real genuine feminism came later when my brain developed past boy bad girl good) and pink and the whole nine.
And now it's eight, nine years later. I'm sitting in the same bedroom, rearranged now, home from college. I'm tugging on my goatee as I read my notes on the first 30 episodes, taking a look at what I've gathered so far. A joint sits, smoking, in an old, cleaned-out candle dish on my nightstand, next to my t gel and the skincare supplies I keep on hand nowadays. I'm like... a real person. A happy person.
But both me and that little "girl" are watching the same videos. Hearing the same story, laughing the same way. My voice is lower that hers', but we still laugh the same way. We still like some of the same music. I wish I could go back in time to argue with her about Garroth.
#jeremiahs mcd notes#mcd#i have big feelings abt me and my child self as a function of my neurodivergence my trauma and my gender#like man idr you and also i dont even share a name with you and also i feel like i never grew up but we are different people you and i#you wore femininity like a costume for your parents and your classmates#hoping it would make you finally fit in if you just acted enough like a girl#but it wasn't that you weren't “girl” enough it was the autism#they didn't know how to talk to you regardless#so when that didn't work you decided to be an edgy tomboy#and you wondered why you were so damn miserable all the time#and people slowly figured out how to talk to you#and you slowly figured out how to talk to them#and you had friends now but something was still wrong#and when all that horrible shit went down#and i grew up too fast#i realized in the process that I needed to stop pretending to be a girl#and i came out the other side with a new name and a new identity#i'm me now but it made it so that my child self feels like she's not me at all#so strange#it feels like my memories are somebody elses'#they're mine and i know that#but like#all that shit happened to somebody else#i started being me about 6 years ago and the rest of that was played by a different actor
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If you told post-pacifist ending Sans that he was the final boss of the geno run, and/or that he's the hardest boss to beat in the Underground, he would not fucking believe you
#undertale#ut#sans undertale#undertale sans#ut sans#sans ut#headcanon#dimond speaks#listen. sans is not a violent person#this is in tangent with my headcanon that he and papyrus both share the 'everyone can do better' ideology#but like. he only attacks you because hes trying to get you to reset#the whole time he's trying to convince you that this isnt worth it in any way he can#its why he ultimately decides to just stand there forever. he wants you to get bored and reset#he literally says that (though he says 'quit' instead of the actual term- likely cuz he doesnt know it)#hes aware of timelines but i dont think he knows as much as the fandom likes to think he does#otherwise he would play a much larger role in the story than he actually does#but he doesnt. he just wants to live his life with his brother and friends man
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I think the #1 thing to make writing good is to just. Stick to your guns. Take yourself seriously. If you treat your writing as if it's serious, even if you're doing some crazy shit, people are willing to believe it. The moment you doubt what you're doing in your writing, it's gonna shine through. So even if you're scared, pretend you're not until you get the hang of it & no longer feel so scared
It's worked for me so far 😅
#speculation nation#this kind of thing is why i never mention on ao3 when im nervous about a chapter#bc i do get nervous. i get nervous Plenty.#anytime i do something different from my norm. or bring in a new aspect of the story. Anything.#im nervous. i am!#but i dont mention it on ao3 bc so long as i portray that i know what im doing. people tend to believe it.#with this kind of thing you can do shit like 'so Yeah he has telepathy and can listen in on thoughts but he chooses not to#bc it would be an invasion of privacy'#i just kinda decided that and put it in the story. explained my thought process for the decision in the end notes#but ive never tried to over-defend it or anything. especially not in the text.#it's just a Thing that he can do. he accepts this as his reality. no need to over explain in the text where this comes from.#Stick To Your Guns. if your characters treat it as a given then your readers will too.#this has been Writing Advice by Fanny Orcelito. more to be shared later (maybe.)
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#I have thoughts about the new tour yet I am not sure if I should share (given why I do so in tags)#I am not surprised to see denmark is absent#I am a bit surprised to see no scandinavian country AT ALL#not surprised to see germany and the uk have most dates (that's sadly something I've seen a lot from bands/artists I like)#a little befundled with the route he has scheduled for both germany and the uk dates#glad to see other countries like switzerland france and the netherlands get their debut#not surprised it is in october since that seems to be around the same time for his europe antics last year as well#all this said I am a bit conflicted what to do myself#I'd like to go to gigs on this tour#yet I've already run out of the country four times these past upcoming five months (three times to finland)#since it is quite expensive and maybe not something I will have time for given I hopefully get an internship in august#with that in mind I feel like I should probably go for only a few dates#and yet last time I felt very much like I was missing out and overlooked because I didn't go to “more than two shows”#and here is where I feel like my thoughts are probably not great#i was thinking about maybe going for hamburg as first priority since it is the closest (4 hours in train)#then have frankfurt and munich as second priorities making it a little mini tour#I am not sure if I'd physically and mentally be able to do more than three gigs in a row#yet if I am I sort of want to go to zurich too because I've never been there#two days to decide is not very long#I feel very stressed tbh#and I hope noone will take this in any wrong way#please I really dont want to feel shit again#I know my last concert related take was on the fence#(even though as it turned out the venue did worse than me in that regard)#but this one is really just me thinking about what would be the smartest plan#other possible options would be to go for zurich since it is in a weekend (sunday) and then - depending on whether or not I have work#either go home or follow jere to amsterdam (then maybe paris and brussels)#another option is berlin then hamburg and then to home from there (so two shows)#or london and bristol since its the weekend (maybe manchester as well if it is not far - so up to three shows)#the latter I am a bit concerned about since being trans in the uk is not great atm
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Questioni, whoms art thou? (What does your toon look like?)
👀
Orb Giblets (Imagine I'm looking off to the sky)
If you're talking about ingame, here's what he looks like!
I usually go with the right one bc I think it looks better, but the yellow hypno glasses were apart of the fit for so long (++ they help bring out the yellow) that sometimes I still wear them for fun
Art wise, here's a quick sketch-that-got-out-of-hand of him
I have an older post of the first time I drew him so the styles a bit.. outdated but its colored.
I'll write more about him in the tags as to not make this post longer than needed
#orb giblets#clemart#not putting this in the ttcc tag#nevermind it went in the tag anyways im embarassed#anyways the first time i drew him i didnt really draw his snout bc i didnt understand how to.#the theme with him is graduation bc of the hat so the gown he's wearing is supposed to be a sort of graduation gown. this was mainly just t#match with the hat but also bc i started to pick back up ttcc a lot more when i was closer to graduating hs#he has a little mouse tail as a reminiscence of his old self (used to be a mouse) and also bc i like drawing long tails but have found out#loathe linearting them#ongoing bit that after he graduated he runs a berry review channel on yt but theyre all rotten. all the berries in his basket are rotten an#smell really bad and also he loves to burrow and dig so the gown is torn and dirty at the bottoms and hes not helpful at all to the#resistance. no one invited him . he sees a cog and starts burrowing#also his fingers are claws but i decided to be merciful and give him cartoon physics so he can move them now#also clem funfact the star on the top part of the gown is not a button its just a design with the shirt bc ever since i was young#ive had this weird discomfort of (the texture of) buttons which is also why if you've noticed. i dont draw suits or anything with buttons#felt the need to share just for clarity . scratches my head you probably didnt need to know that#anyways i hope this answered your question ! smile#i might color that drawing in later i kindof like it#clemask
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bro i really am just.
😀
i am just fucking sitting.
#GIRL.......not nerdy guy just texting me cause i havent responded in more than two weeks 😭 OH CMON I JUST FORGOT YOU i cant be getting#delusional over him aGAIN..... he just texted me “hey (name)? where've you gotten lost?” okokok. the fact he hasnt forgotten my ass yet? ok.#slay mayhaps but also... why🤨 anyways. i came to uni today and barely talked to anyone💀💀💀 he doesnt share today's particular lesson so#we haven't seen eachother in like............. more than a month? give or take..#so if i decide to show up again tomorrow ill most likely see him. so. ill have to dress up extra cute. why? i dunno. my brainworms tell me#to do so. see#i wouldve dressed cuter today but i was too tired and didnt have enough tjme.....#im kinda running on not enough sleep but i meant to say we dont share today's particular class.#ive almost forgotten how his dumb cute lil loir face looks like. hm.... anyway.#im tired. took too much hydroxyzine and almost fell asleep in class 💀 someone nameless bitch gave me a dirty look and i was like ok i dont#eveb know you why the disgusted face💀 youve never seen a sleepy angel or what#“some* nameless bitch”#especially an angel sleepy cuz of a “drug” like cmon. grow up. 🙄#placeholder tag
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This is Death
More precisely, this is my vision of Death. I drew this during a minor at university. My minor called "Death studies" and there we've talked about death, thanatology, positive attitude towards death. We listened to the lecture and then sat in a circle and something like a therapeutic session began.
One of the exercises in these sessions was to draw how we imagine our death. My ideas about death are very mystical and mythological so I drew death as a some creature in a robe. They don't have a face because I don't know what my death will look like.
The next task was to "kill" death. Someone tore their drawings. But I couldn't.
Although I crumpled the drawing to express that death has no power over me.
So many metaphors...
Anyway this minor was really useful and interesting. It helped me accept the ideas of death as something not terrifying.
💀☠️💀
Это Смерть
Точнее, это моё видение Смерти. Я нарисовала это на майноре в университете, который назывался Death studies. Там мы говорили о смерти, танатологии и позитивном отношении к умиранию. Мы слушали лекцию, а потом садились в круг и начиналось что-то вроде терапевтического сеанса.
Одним из упражнений было нарисовать то, как мы видим свою смерть. Мои представления о смерти очень мистические и мифологические, поэтому я изобразила смерть как некое существо в балахоне. У неё нет лица, потому что я не знаю, как будет выглядеть моя смерть.
Следующим заданием было "убить" смерть. Кто-то порвал свой рисунок, но я не смогла.
Хотя я его смяла, чтобы выразить, что смерть не имеет надо мной власти.
Как много метафор...
В любом случае, этот майнор был действительно полезным и интересным. Он помог мне принять идею смерти как нечто не пугающее.
#i dont know why I decided to share this#i feel sad about this minor ended#death#drawing#kmn#sorry for my english
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People will come online fuming with hate and anger about Anything and expect everybody to instantly understand and validate them instead of being concerned about.... the genuine hate and anger. You know that behavior wouldn't fly in front of IRL strangers
#my posts#i think its ok to make posts on your personal blog about how angry you are about an issue and how you hate the people#who contribute to that issue. but when you start taking your 'righteous fury' onto other peoples posts and into public disagreements#you gotta remember people dont Know You. people dont know your life story and why you are so upset#and people arent going to want to Learn from you if you come up to them being rude and angry#because why would anyone trust you to inform them about a societal issue if you treat Anybody who asks questions or disagrees#like they are right wing terrorists. sometimes people are going to disagree with you and it doesnt mean they are not on your side#but if you never make an honest appeal to people to try and make them see things the way You see them.. nobody will ever change their minds#& agree with you.#and i know some people dont want to hear this and if they did they would say 'i dont exist to educate people im allowed to feel my feelings'#which is so true. but then dont bring your feelings onto political posts with no intent to have a conversation or share your perspective#because then you look like youre throwing a tantrum to all the people involved who decided to be open minded and share their perspectives#and have a hard but important conversation. like your name calling and accusations and calls for people to die are really not appropriate#for a serious discussion about human rights and discrimination of any kind.#i know i must be sooo annoying with this 'dont spread hate 🥺 spread knowledge' ass post but literally the older i get the more i believe#anger is not constructive. you will touch far more people and change their minds thru empathy and dedication to telling the truth
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when the unattainble male celebrity of choice starts making daily hour long lives…. hard to stay interested i must say….
oH look I can make polls on my computer now!!!!!!!
#I like men more when they shut their mouths and stay at a safe distance away from me.#out of sight unless they've made themselves look presentable and pretty for me especially!#and like. I really dont love you like this Jungkook. real person Jungkook. wtf I dont wanna know you like this. when I cant decide#for the most part who you are#its really annoying#and just like. be unattainable because this is so pathetic#I think nothing will confirm jungkooks single status more than these lives like...#why is he sharing so much of himself with army...he should save that for marriage
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#my cat has recently become so emboldened out of nowhere#he was always such a chill guy who would spend time with me by sitting nearby out of reaching distance and sometimes looking over at me#now hes a menace who stands on my head while in trying to sleep because he MUST sleep on my pillow as if i dont have a self heating blanket#especially for him on my bed#i also Must share my food with him even if i know he wont like it and if i refuse i midt keep gently nudging him away#until he had had enough and decides he will just have to walk all over my plate in a huffy manner#he is an old man why has he suddenly become so RAMBUNCTIOUS!!!!!!!
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I love people claiming to represent me saying my identity is a kink
#vent post#I am going to fucking murder someone. my identity is not a kink. this is not me exaggerating a well meaning thing >#a well meaning thing that I interpret as bad. I just saw a post saying that kink at pride is ok because lgbt is inherently a kink#AND THEY SAID THIS AS IF IT WAS FUCKING HELPING#LIKE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING A KINK BUT I AM NOT A GODDAMN KINK. I DO NOT BELIEVE IM TRANS BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING KINK TO ME.#I AM NOT BISEXUAL BECAUSE IT IS A KINK. I AM A FUCKING PERSON AND I'M TIRED OF BEING WATERED DOWN TO BE ALL ABOUT SEX#BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THIS SHIT SAYS. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT HOW IT'S THE SAME BUT NO. I AM NOT A FUCKING KINK. WHEN THERE IS KINK SHOWN#AS THE MAIN REPRESENTATIVES FOR MY FUCKING IDENTITY IT MAKES PEOPLE THINK I AM A FUCKING KINK#I'M TIRED OF IT. IM TIRED OF EVERYONR REPRESENTING ME AS A BAD PERSON OR NOT A PERSON AT ALL#EVERYTIME I SEE ABOUT SOMEONE REPRESENTING ME THEY'RE EITHER NOT LIKE ME AT ALL OR THEY'RE REPRESENTING SOMETHING THAT I AM NOT#SIMPLY BECAUSE WE SHARE SOMETHING#THIS SHIT IS WHY MY PARENTS DONT FUCKING ACCEPT ME#NOT THE ONLY REASON. BUT THIS WATTERING DOWN THAT IT'S SOMETHING LIKE A KINK. IT SAYS TO PEOPLE THAT I CHOOSE TO BE TRANS#OR THAT I'M ONLY BI BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING SLUT(note: I am a virgin. I meant that as in thinking I WANT to be a slut)#WHEN NO#I AM JUST THAT WAY. I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS. AND WHETHER INTENDED OR NOT PEOPLE HAVE WATERED MY IDENTITY DOWN#MELTED IT TO SUIT THEIR OWN FUCKING NEEDS#AND NOW I'M SUFFERING BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO I DON'T KNOW OR EVEN LIKE DECIDED TO SPEAK FOR ME#AND THEY SAID I'M A FUCKING KINK#heavy vent
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I got 7 reactions to the post I made on this app 8 whole days ago (when most ppl in my area got 2 or 3 at the most). & Several messages I haven't responded to. Tbh I haven't bothered since that first day, bc I got what I wanted out of it (decided to try a hookup and accomplished it 3 days after deciding it), and...
We've still been texting. Sometimes about things that aren't exactly typical of what you'd think for a hookup (emotionally intimate, I guess?). Today we got on the topic of hiking and I mentioned my fav state park & she said she was planning to go there over spring break and said she'd love to bring me with her... which That is a level of accepting me in her life that I think is not typical of just a one-off hookup kinda thing.
So like... idk if we r skirting around the possibility of a relationship?? Or if we r setting up to be friends with benefits?? Would it be exclusive??? Open??? Assuming there's any kind of relationship at all??????
Idk. It feels like there's Something there. I don't know what she wants out of it. I kinda don't even know what I want out of it. But it'd feel a little weird to pursue smth else when we're in this nebulous area... it wouldn't be cheating bc it's not like we're dating, but I'd also hate it if we Did end up dating (exclusively) and then I'd have to give up someone else........
Idk. I wasn't expecting to hit it off with someone like this. I'm still pretty burnt out on serious romance, so I don't want to just jump right into a new thing. I just know that I like talking with her and I'll probably want to sleep with her again. Beyond that...
I dont know. It's all so confusing.
#speculation nation#i think im bigtime failing at the whole Casual aspect of it 😂#but i cant help being so alluring.... the girls Love a sweet nerd with a mysterious hidden darkness.....#might be why i have so many reactions too. i am for serious my post has over twice as many reactions as anyone else#idk. i have options. for now im just leaving them open.#it's only been a week now since we started chatting. still way too early to decide anything.#i will simply play it by ear. see where things take me.#we have. we have a spotify playlist. for sharing our favorite songs together. we are sharing music.#i feel like im going insane. this cant be the normal Just Casual kinda thing can it???#not when shes said at multiple points that im 'the coolest person ever' or that im really kind#oh god am i turning into one of those useless lesbian tropes????#'help this girl keeps saying im really cool and that she wants to go hiking with me and we are sharing music together#and also we had sex. do you think she likes me?'#fbkdfkshfkshdjd it sounds so FUNNY laid out like that. but the sex rly is just incidental and all ykno?#i dont know how many hookups shes actually had. i dont know how special i am to her#emotionally Or sexually. and i feel like asking would be rude.#so i am simply waiting it out. seeing where it goes. and being pleasantly surprised anytime it goes well.#the thing with the hiking today made me all 😳😳😳😳 bc it spoke of a desire to have me in her life several months from now#it's only been a week. it's only been a week. i have no idea what im doing.
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oh my god I'm so pissed. We almost got decriminalisation laws in W.A (western australia) in 2007. It fucking passed but never took affect due to a change in government.
I hate this im gonna go fucking rabid all these anti-sex work laws make navigating prostitution and related fields of work (both related like how ①a person would relate them -eg. there's crossover between burlesque and sex work because there's quite a few people who work as both-; and ②the government relates them -eg. it's illegal for some* work support programs to assist someone to work as a Drag performer, because the government views it as sex work-) a goddamn nightmare. Which sucks, cuz I know damn well near the only way i'll ever be able to make money is thru that
DECRIMINILIZE SEX WORK AND PROSTITUTION NOW AND FOREVER
*Individual Placement and Support (IPS) is one I know it's 100% illegal for, even if the person supporting you really really wants to help
#auspol#fuck the government man i hate it here#i know its like several factors better in AUS that the USA#but that dont mean shit when i cant access disability support services and striking is illegal#(yes its illegal for unions to strike in australia unless they jump through several dozen hoops)#(which includes mandatory bargaining w/the companies & industries theyre STRIKING AGAINST)#stop being so homophobic and let me do drag for fucks sake.#like it 1000000% makes sense why the Gov hates Drag#why else would the Gov decide to put gay marriage rights up to public vote instead of just fucking passing it themselves?#its the same with the Aboriginal Voice in Parliament. we know why they put that up to public vote#if its the public deciding the Gov cant get in trouble for their homophobic and racist policies' of course 🙄#thats enough tag rant. I'll probs end up writing a fucking essay about this shit tbh#feel free to share this shit i dont care
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