#dont get me wrong i literally have two of these and im certainly not against it

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

what is it with this fandom and making roy kent time travel???

[owlets-outlet]

habits you should have, regardless of beauty standards:

we all know that sex sells, and if youre like me, you refuse to be a part of it. the issue is, many of the habits that are advertized to be for the improvement of your looks, are actually really important for your health as well, often times even life saving. if youre like me, you might be unaware of this and deliberately NOT participating in them as a protest against beauty standarts, which might actually be hurting you. let me tell you which! (long post)

1. wearing sunscreen:

unless you have a lot of melanin, you should wear sunscreen every time the uv index is 3 or higher, to protect yourself from skin cancer.

why does society tell us to wear it?

i always hear 'sun exposure gives you wrinkles, freckles, sunspots, etcetc' and went 'well i dont CARE, fuck you' and never wore it.

everybody tries to sell sunscreen as 'antiaging'. its crazy how thats the biggest selling point, and not the fact that sunscreen protects you from getting CANCER.

heres the thing, you SHOULDNT care about getting wrinkles! theres nothing wrong with them, no matter how 'premature' they are!

why you should actually wear it:

you should care about skin cancer though. asides from melanoma, which has very low survival rates, other skin cancers, while not as deadly, can then spread to different organs and *cause* other deadly cancers.

okay, im new to sunscreens, what should i do?

well first, let me say that mineral vs chemical doesnt really matter, as long as the spf is high enough. the general rule is the higher the spf, the better.

if i were to reccomend a sunscreen, it would be beauty of joseon. it has gone viral, and while i do think its overhyped, i think its a great basic. its pretty cost efficient, not sticky or smelly and doesnt burn my eyes.

you should apply spf if the uv index is 3 or higher, which you can check the levels in your area on any weather website. if youre staying outside for longer than 2 hours, you should reapply.

you dont have to wear suncreen indoors! your windos block most uv rays.

your face needs at least a quarter of a teaspoon to be fully protected. of course the amount varies depending on the size of your face, but usually two fingers are enough to protect your face:

to save as much sunscreen as possible, try to stay in the shade and and cover your body when going outdoors!

before you go to sleep, you should remove your spf by double cleansing!

2. working out:

why does society tell us to work out?

the most common answer is: to lose weight. the get a 'desirable' body shape. to get a 'healthy' body shape.

there are many scientific papers that talk in depth about how your weight isnt indicative of your health, so i am going to spare you, and i certainly dont need to go in depth about how nobody should conform to societys beauty standards.

another thing worth pointing out is that often times, exercise cannot actually give you the shape you want. there are many factors to this, such as genetics or hormones, but the fact is, exercise often just wont help you archieve the ideal body shape anyway.

why should you actually work out, then?

many reasons!

-being in shape (metaphorically, not literally) will make moving around easier and you'll get less tired perfoming your daily tasks.

-working out improves mood and helps with brain fog

-increases energy levels (ironically)

-good for cardiovascular health, digestive health, good for bone heath: that means that as you age, you are more likely to retain more of your mobility than if you didnt work out, and your body will in general be happier

-sometimes it helps you socialize, participate in community etc.

how to get into working out?

now, this is the fun part: there is no wrong way to go about this!

you dont need to do a specific type of working out! in fact, just pick whatever suits you!

you can run or go for walks. dance in your living room or attend dance class. shadow box. go to the gym to box.

lift weights or do at home calisthenics, do chloe ting workout videos, climb trees, go for a bike ride, whatever!

just keep moving! you should workout a few times a week :) you dont need any fancy equipment or clothes.

3. eat healthy

now, this one may be different definition of a healthy diet than youve heard of: you shouldnt eat less, but more. the biggest adjustment to your diet shouldnt be removing things but adding things.

you should eat a lot of vegetables, as well as proteins, sugar and fats.

you can keep your fries and a burgers, but you should add a salad as well!

maybe you grew up believing that you dont like healthy things, like fish or collard greens, but you might be living in a lie :D

i reccommend trying new recipes, you might be surprised!

a good diet will have similiar effects to working out- its very important to nourish your body so that it can work properly.

[yamagucji]

Reacting to their s/o breaking down

ft. atsumu, oikawa, aone, and sakusa

warnings. little angst, lots of crying but lots of fluff

ATSUMU

when he saw you sprinting to your bedroom as soon as you came home, he was enraged to say the least

because those are definitely tears on your eyes, and atsumu’s now wondering as to who might’ve hurt you

he straight up panicks at first, because he doesn’t know if it’s a good time to approach you or not. so he does what he’s done to comfort his brother before— by giving you company outside your door

“angel?” he knocked lightly, sliding down to the floor and leaning his head against the door. he can hear your muffled sobs, it hurts. he wishes it were him instead of you

“if ya wanna talk just let me know, but... if not, i’ll be here waiting for you.”

so atsumu waits. he waits for as long as you need; 30 minutes, 1 hours, to a couple hours. it doesn’t matter, because when you open the door he’ll be there

after calming down a bit, you called out to him under your bedroom sheets. “tsumu...?”

he replies, almost instantly. “yeah? what do you need?”

“...you.”

and just like that he barges into your room, nearly jumping into bed and engulfing you in his arms

“feelin’ better?” he mumbled against you, rubbing the back of your head with his palm

atsumu will do his best not to barge you with his questions, waiting for you to open up at your own pace

now this man will literally turn into a whole COMEDIAN trying to make you feel better afterwards

yes put a red plush on his nose and call him clown atsumu <3

would also offer to take you to a convenience store

“ice cream? chips? what else d’you want babe?” atsumu peeked from the aisle over, his arms already loaded with goods

it’s 2 in the morning but atsumu doesn’t give a F!CK especially after seeing you so distraught a while ago. he’ll do anything to make you feel better quickly

OIKAWA

you never meant to break down over such a small accident, but you slipping on the floor along with your plate of food had made you tip over

out of such a terrible week, even your food couldn’t be spared

oikawa had watched you from the couch and was about to break into laughter (whole heartedly) if it wasn’t for the sight of you bringing your knees against your chest and sobbing

“love?” oikawa rushed over to you. “hey it’s alright, i can prepare you another plate of food” he cooed, feeling guilty of what had happened

he saves the cleaning for later, leaving the spilled food on the floor

“ah, come on look at me,” he pulled your head out of your knees, realizing now that your cause of breakdown wasn’t just because of the food

oikawa knows just how it feels to have a bad day, and on top of that, to eventually tip over because of all the heavy weight. so he makes you talk it out with him

tears, hiccups and probably snot running down your nose— oikawa will listen to every word you muster to say to him

“is that why? why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he wipes a tear off your face, his gentle voice cradling you

“b- because,” you hiccuped, “i didnt want to bother you with my problems” :(

he’ll wipe every tear off your face, giving you a few headpats and soft kisses on your forehead

“you’ll never bother me,” he mumbled against you. “next time, don’t be afraid to tell me what’s wrong okay?”

he sits with you for a little while longer, letting you pour everything you’ve bottled up out of you. and once you’ve finally calmed down does he start cleaning up

of course, all you need to do is get comfortable on the dining chair while he does the rest of the work

oikawa will put on the silly apron that you got him with pride, making sure to show it off and ease up your mood

“ha! don’t i look good?”

you huffed out a laugh, finally letting out your first smile of the night

whatever it is you want to eat, he’ll cook it for you <3

even though he’s already eaten just a couple hours ago, oikawa will also make a plate for himself so you don’t have to eat alone

AONE

you’ve been trying to get through your school work for hours now, but it’s just too difficult

“one more,” you told aone, bouncing to another question on your paper only to find that it’s even more difficult to answer than the rest

he sat quietly beside you; finally giving you space after asking if he could help you a few times before

you see... you definitely needed his help and although you’re sure aone was doing pretty well in this subject, you didn’t want to bother him nor show him that you were struggling :(

but before you knew it, tears were pooling down your face and onto your workbook

“hey,” aone mumbled, immediately soothing gentle motions over your back. “let’s take a break.” you know there’s no point in arguing— not with the way he’s closing up your materials

but you do, anyway. “but i- i have to finish this,” you huffed out defeatedly

seeing aone’s concerned expression makes you cry out more, and it doesn’t help when he starts to pull your face closer to his, wiping away at your cheeks

“hm, we’ll do it together, okay love? i am positive you’ll be able to get through this,”

“but right now,” he takes your hand, coaxing you over to his bed. “i think it’s time for a break”

the two of you will lay together on his bed, with your head on aone’s chest and his palms running over your back

it’s more of a quiet moment— save for your muffled sobbing

though once in a while aone will put his lips close to your ear and whisper words of affirmations to you

“im proud of you today. you should be, too,”

“i can see that you work really hard on your studies... but it’s okay to take a break sometimes”

he pulls your head slightly away from his chest, slipping a kiss to your forehead. “taking a break just means you’ll become even more stronger,”

and you know just how much those words weigh, especially coming from aone

aone won’t mind if you fall asleep. he’ll actually be more than grateful— to finally see you at peace

so the next time you get through with your work, he’ll be there with you <3

(he’ll even offer to have you sit on his lap as the two of you do work but only if you’re comfy)

SAKUSA

sakusa’s a very careful person, but his words can be jarring at times

you know that as his s/o, he never has an intent to hurt you. but this time... he’d struck a nerve without meaning to

“i just don’t see why it’s such a serious matter to you,” he replied, staring straight ahead on the pathway ahead of him

the two of you were talking about something from your past— something that continues to bother you

you took his words as: why are you so sensitive about it?

when sakusa had actually meant: there’s no need to be so worried

it had felt as if sakusa didn’t care about your situation, so you left the conversation there and sulked in silence for the rest of your walk home

he certainly noticed

just as he was unlocking the entrance door with his keys, sakusa had mumbled in frustration. “what’s going on with you today...”

and that was the last straw

you turned to him with frustration, too, the build-up tears finally escaping your eyes

“what do you mean-” you hiccuped, “what do you mean what’s going on with me today? i tried to tell you but it seemed like...”

sakusa lets go of the keys, the entrance door still closed. “like what?” he dared to whisper

“like you didn’t care, omi...”

he paused for a moment, watching as you looked down from him; hiding your face and your feelings

sakusa doesn’t know what overcame him— it’s not like him to act on instinct but he did just now

he brings you to his arms, taking off his mask in the process and leaning his cheek beside your head

“i dont,” he says cautiously this time. “i don’t know what made you think that, but i can assure you that i care about you,”

“the most,” sakusa added

he was hugging you a bit tighter than usual, his chest beathing in a frenzy against your ears

sakusa will clarify to you what he had said earlier, making sure to voice out his true intentions and feelings

and yes, you’re sobbing in his arms outside the house but he doesn’t give any care to that at all

sakusa presses a kiss on top of your head, gently pulling you off of him after your sobbing had calmed down

“let’s come in,” his fingers intertwines with yours, finally pulling you inside

ah, but you remembered something. “oh, sorry... i took a lot of time out of our chores today”

sakusa turns back to you, scruffling your head

“don’t worry about it. i’m taking care of you today.”

please send an ask to be added to my taglist!

[boiling-paint]

Please do elaborate about LL!Scar and Bad by Deluxe Royal, I'm interested 👀

Ohooho. You got it! I uh... went ham,

*claps* OKAY! SO,

It all starts with the sounds.

The theme of this music is almost cartoonish in the way it wants to portay 'big, bad, evil' (chanting in a low chorus like a boogeyman "im bad I'm bad as bad can be." behind the main voice.) It reminds me of "How Bad Can I Be?" Which, ahem, while a meme song fits Scar's happy-go-lucky attitude that he upholds regardless of the guts and gore of the situation.

With a dramatic western attitude, the voice is very confident in his own image. It just screams Scar. Big Bad Scar trying to be spooky in that disney villain way he admires and reflects in his video and performance style. Its natural for him, but hes also careful with his words. He pauses, thinks, stalls for time when he speaks to people because if they get him rambling he'll give it all away. He is very very cautious this season in that sense.

Now, the lyrics! Oo I shiver at how well they fit.

If you'd like, we can imagine this "devil" as Grian. People have consistently seen him as a threat, Scott even dramatically and repeatedly calling him a monster. Hes death itself- the one who started it all.

Or, it can simply be other reds. People that Scar so far seems to be cautious of, but never fully intimidated by.

[I made the devil run

I gave him poison just for fun

I had one friend, now there's none

I made the devil run]

The last two refer closely to the comparison of the first season to this one. Grian was quite literally his only true ally, and now Grian frequently leaves him behind at any given moment. It's not fully Scar's fault, but Grian does take some care in talking and making deals with Scar. The game has changes course and they're keeping distant tabs on one another. Scar currently drives people away from staying at his mountain, despite claiming he wants friends. And for some reason (could even be dumb luck) Joel the first and possibly most unstable Red Lifer, lives right next to him and hasn't lifted a finger yet. This I'm certainly exaggerating, but I wonder how cautious Joel is of Scar ("I made the devil run.")

These next 2 lines are the only ones that dont fit easily, as Scar is incredibly clumsy lmfAO. However, I think it speaks poetically with 3 and 4.

[I broke so many bones

But none of them were ever my own

They were an army, I was alone

I broke so many bones]

From Scar and Grians perspective things are very, very light in s1. It does not apply to the others'. In the previous season Scar was terrifying. Ren and others wanted to protect their friends and stay together. Scar wanted to win or put on a show trying. It's why him and Grian make such a good team— they know there are limits to how they can rely on one another.

From the other perspectives all Scar did was talk people out of their resources and scheme to destroy them, regardless of any sort of spoken friendships. He was very, very dangerous. He broke many structural bones so-to-speak in the other teams, including trust and physical resources.

And in the end? It was Scar's little team against Rens whole army that won 3rd Life. ("They were an army, I was alone, I broke so many bones.")

The CHORUS IS MY FAVORITE THO.

[I'm bad, as bad can be

So bad that it's hard to believe

Oh, what they say about me

I'm bad, take a look and see

So bad that it's hard to believe

I don't care what they say about me]

Scar this season is lying to everyone around him. People are cautious, but only the very, very perceptive ones (to name a few: Etho and Scott) are actually catching Scar in his lies. Even then he doesn't let up his own act. This gives him such a good facade.

People are going to underestimate him. Hes so polite to some and to others hes burning them at the stake. Other people talking about Scar are going to find plot holes, twists and turns in attitude that just don't make sense. No one will know what to believe or not. His kindness feels genuine, but so do his threats. ("So bad that it's hard to believe what they say about me.") His gentle attitude makes it really difficult to grasp his violent intentions at times.

And recently, especially with the destruction of a recent horse he seemed to be attached to, he's revealed a little to others about his values. "So bad that it's hard to believe, I don't care what they say about me." He is first and foremost a businessman and a showman. If people are scared? Great! If people think him kind? That's just good for business.

That's the most frightening thing about him being isolated this season: He doesn't care as long as he gets what he wants. But he'll pretend he will up until the second he knows it doesn't matter. No attachments, all deals. If people don't show him kindness he remembers and returns the favor later, and explicitly states he will frequently in his perspective.

Now, to remember 3rd Life S1 again:

[I watched an empire fall

I stormed the gate and scared the walls

They wouldn't share, so I took it all

I watched an empire fall]

A refusal of resources, a few missteps and misconceptions here and there and they had a war on their hands. To Ren, he was fighting for his team and his empire. To Scar, he was made into enemy #1 for... what reason? They did nothing wrong! Just having a bit of fun. All of this is a game and something Scar's character takes much more joy in than some other perspectives. It's not a game in some views, which would make him... what?

Crazy? Literally insane in some sense that he would treat this battlefield like middleschool capture the flag?

They targeted him and Scar simply didn't like it, so he took up arms with Grian and the rest and killed Ren himself. ("They wouldn't share, so I took it all, I watched an empire fall.")

[I'm bad, as bad can be

So bad that it's hard to believe

Oh, what they say about me]

You can't trust what anyone says about Scar, including Scar himself.

(I'm bad, I'm bad, as bad as can be)

I'm bad, take a look and see

So bad that it's hard to believe

I don't care what they say about me]

And he doesn't care about rumors as long as he gets what he wants. He'll take advantage of them.

Akdhakd also this isnt a dig and moreso just a dramatic retelling of how I think this song brings out a more dark idea of Scar's character. All in good fun :). Thank you for enabling me PFTHAHAHA

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 14 part b

Alright time for more reactions to Homesqaured- oh jeezus

the last one of these I did was from october last year, hoo boy alright brain time to get back on the time train things are happening fast

we last left off with me thinking they just fucking hilled Harry but I remembered the wrong house so Harrys fine, John not so much

Yeah, John sad but ooh Karkat shows up!

They seem to have a mutual conversation about lost youth and stuff, really makes these characters feel oold

“JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat.

JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed.

JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.“

Oh man, John thats a whole ass MOOD

lol at sburb allocated blow job

yeah Karkats right tho, John does kind of need a kick in the pants to see how he might have been useful here, but Johns still stuck in this rut of not seeing anything around him as Real real, so hes blind to all of the consequences of inaction

John its called derealization and depersonalization, you can get help for that yknow

But I mean, cant really blame him, hes being smothered by the fires of Doom all around him

Its interesting to see that Karkat, a Blood player, is more comfortable navigating through things that constrain them and tie them down, since constraint is something Blood and Doom have in common, Chains and Barriers and Laws and etc

Whereas John the Breath player, just gets bogged down, hes totally out of his element

so it ends up being like John: “Id like to cling to some funny moments of my youth pls and try to lighten the situation up a bit because I cant do anything when so heavy”

versus Karkat being like: “BUCKLE UP FUCK TITS THIS SHIT IS YOUR LIFE NOW GETS USED TO WADING KNEE DEEP IN THE SHIT LIKE THE REST OF US GROWN ASS ADULTS”

John: ):

Hmm, both Vriskas have been captured, but Annie basically rescued herself, knowing Vriska Prime she probably has a plan or an idea about that, see well see how that goes

“KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN.

KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE.

KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Oh. Well I guess that was Dirk’s “plans” for Jane all along. Obviously he was using Jane as a vehicle to gather “players” for his eventually next session, interesting

But who has Jane kidnapped in total thus far?

Does Tavros count? he was certainly trapped with her for some amount of his life, but I dont know if that counts as a kidnapping, John certainly tried to kidnap HIM though from the epilogues

Annie certainly counts as being kidnapped

Vrissy has JUST been captured so that counts, and Harry so far is still fine

Which bodes so well for Harry’s future Im sure

Yeah, Vriska should have been able to not outwit any capture attempts, but my guess is either Vrissy got capture and Vriska dove in, OR, Vriska’s doing an inside job so to speak and got caught on purpose, dragging Vrissy along as well

I guess we’ll see when we see their “prison”

Anyway John, don’t get so down on yourself, you’re just ignorant to everythiong around you! thats why nothing makes sense and you can’t connect to anything, easy fix! Just try to learn more and care more about stuff lol

Man does this feel like a strong metaphor between people who are into/care about politics and people who feel like they can’t get into it though

Crossing that hurdle from one side to the other is rough

“KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.”

yup

man, this is all feeling startlingly relevant to the current times, I should have read this sooner

“ KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. “

hah, oh wow, Karkat when you phrase it like that, it’s almost as if you’ve become self aware of your tendencies to Moirail people out of their problems

Not really that out of character for a Blood player to end up being the Therapy Friend though lol

Just don’t burn yourself out on that though

JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*!

KARKAT: ABOUT ME?

JOHN: yes.

KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*?

JOHN: about you.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME.

JOHN: well...

JOHN: you know, how you feel!

KARKAT: HOW I FEEL.

I know Karkat has probably matured past misunderstandings like this now given he’s really come into a great understanding of his Blood aspect, but by golly do I wish Karkat would misunderstand this as John’s attempts to be Moirail-reciprocal sdkjfhwlijebr

What a perfect way to continue their relationship, on top of more misconstrued romance quadrants XD

Spades is old Hat, Diamonds are in now babey

Oh

this started out funny, but Karkat’s emotional rant just ended up being depressing not funny ):

I have to say though, it is REALLY interesting to see John’s depression manifesting in a very breathy sort of way

Karkat in these panels was more closer together, connected, but as John gets more and more depressed over the course of Karkat’s rant when he realizes Karkat doesn’t know dave died, the panels get seperated by lines of blue, and slowly drift off away from John and from eachother

but thats basically been hows its been manifesting all along

the more John feels Disconnected and Seperate from the reality he finds himself in, the more he finds his will untethered, the more depressed and unable to act he gets

and right now its so much so that even a fuller fledged Blood player is having trouble grounding him back down

I don’t know, I always viewed the depression metaphor as a dark watery void to sink into and feels heavy and encapsulating (but probably thats just my Light-y interpretation of it)

so its interesting to see the depression metaphor as this floating disconnection instead, so much that it leans towards derelaization/depersonalistion/dissociation as well

I wonder if John will start dealing with bouts of actual full blown dissociation as this gets worse?

I mean, Breath aspect has given the literal ability to ghost around wherever he pleases in all other ways, why not literally and physcologically as well?

So John seems to be fully overembracing his aspect here, to a very unhealthy degree here, which I see you asking “aha Dahni, but hes doesn’t have overblown self esteem here, quite the opposite, is this not an inverted state instead? or something else because hes acting like hes inverting to Breath?”

and I say not so! reader, for overembracing is the idea that through your aspect, your will is overwriting the wills of others, and in someone like Vriska, this manifests in a very selfish and over self esteemed way

but is not John’s will overwriting Karkat’s here? Through Breath? And isnt John also being a little selfish here? Considering how he feels about things, more important than how anyone else feels? How Karkat feels?

John is too dissociated to understand that this reality is Real and has Consequences he needs to care about, and Karkat is trying to fight against that, trying to instill his belief that no, this shit is real and it Matters Why Don’t You Care, trying to ground him, trying to give him that dose of Blood he needs

but John’s overembracing Breath is just, blowing that all away, its becoming too strong

Roxy in the epilogues dealt with this as well, when John was really in the shits with it and started to believe Roxy’s whole personality was somehow fake and his own construction, because he convinced himself Roxy would never choose to do the things she did, but Roxy was able to snap him out of it and make him understand and respect it was her own choices that led down his path, not the idea that John’s choices are somehow overriding everyones

But man, John sure is riding that Breath train way too hard, and he keeps snapping back into it as well

Further and Further

[aesudan-kholin]

If Kaladin had actually given Elhokar hero lessons, how do you think those sessions would have gone?

so... i made a post recently about how i understand (i know lots of things, but not understand) literally nothing about them whatsoever. so answering this ask isnt going to keep in line with what i usually do of only saying something if im confident in it and reasonably sure it wont change later. AKA me from the future might not agree with what i think and say now. so just putting that out there.

so the thing about this is it probably never could have happened. elhokar was desperate, and in his desperation, whether this idea of kaladin teaching him was something that he had been stewing on for weeks to months, or something he thought of while drunk (i imagine it would be the former, though he probably didn't think about it in specific, accomplishable ways), he finally worked up the courage with the help of some alcohol to ask kaladin to do this completely un fleshed out plan of figuring out how to make elhokar not be a shit king. now, this was doomed to fail for a few reasons.

number one: elhokar had a very very good chance of legitimately being incapable of being a good king.

maybe he could have ended up (with some guidance) as a good leader at some smaller scale, like a small town, but even that is debatable. kaladin instinctively knows things, and while i definitely think he had a negative bias against elhokar and his King Skillz in that moment due their relationship being at a low point, his instinct saying 'yeah thats never gonna happen' was probably completely correct.

number two: kaladin probably would not agree to it.

2a. in that moment where he did ask, kaladin thought he was being weird as hell and was so fucking confused. he didn't know at all where this was coming from, because he is blind to how other people view him a lot of the time, and by extension how elhokar had been idolizing him. they probably hadn't seen much of each other ever since elhokar tried to execute him and throw him in jail. from kaladin's perspective, elhokar tried to kill him, then is coming to him like he has all the secrets to life, which is very baffling to him. unrelated sidenote i need to rewrite this stupid coppermind article on elhokar i did not write it but i want to fix some shit in here. so kaladin in that situation is like WTF????? in his head but out loud he's like 'um.. i dont know if thats possible for you' which is a rejection. i don't know if he would have said the same words if he was at a relative high point in his opinion of elhokar rather than potentially the lowest point that he got in wor that he was in that chapter (thinking about it the chapter where he was in prison might have been the lowest but this is a low point is what im saying), but thats probably an opinion he would have kept throughout the bumpy road of whatever tf their relationship is.

2b. kaladin has shit to do, man. dude was working double triple shifts in words of radiance, got into urithiru and was like the only windrunner, and was training overtime to train some windrunners to have some squires ready for the expedition to kholinar. after he got back he was made a highmarshall and we dont see too much in the ob-row timeskip but he wasnt getting much sleep either, and he probably had a lot of shit to do when he was awake, battles aside. when would he have had the time to even begin to think about lesson plans for this goal that in his head is sort of unachievable, let alone find time for actually talking to elhokar about shit.

so like even if elhokar did ask at a point where kaladin felt less like he was absolute crap and more like [??????? but more positive than the absolute crap thing], kaladin would still have been like dude what. and kaladin also would have been like dude i do not have the time. even in an elhokar lives au (because the first time kaladin would have potentially had any time whatsoever for that is post-kholinar), shallan would probably be the radiant he was interacting more due to lightweaver reasons. and elhokar has a great deal of respect for shallan as well, certainly not as much as he has for kaladin, but he does value shallan's skill and opinion, and shallan would not only be a lot more willing to give elhokar some support and advice, they would be working closer together anyway because of their shared order. he wouldn't be getting this nebulous "secret to life" stuff that he wanted to get from the guy who survived a highstorm, almost single handedly saved an army, beat shardbearers with nothing but a spear, and fell into the chasms only to crawl back out again even after a highstorm, but, and my future self might disagree on this, but he might have just been looking for advice on how to live his life.

but, all of that aside. lets say that kaladin for some reason decided that it was personally important to him to train elhokar to not be a shit leader, that he potentially thought it was not a lost cause, and if he did then he cared enough to try anyway. postponing kholinar (which he would have the power to do in this case, since elhokar would be listening to whatever he said*) might have given him more time for that after that request, or else he might have had to think about it and agree post-kholinar, which would involve an elhokar lives au, which i dont want to deal with all the implications so im going to say in this scenario he accepted after elhokar asked in wor 80, or maybe directly after urithiru was discovered (aka later that night) with a promise to start teaching him right after he got back from hearthstone. god i feel like alternate history hub. the later that night thing would have been more likely because that is after his whole 180 about elhokar. that way, the weird intense commitment to help elhokar be a better leader was baked in to all the other weird dramatic shifts about how he thought about elhokar.

what i think kaladin would do?

possibility 1: he would have elhokar start small. i think he would have elhokar teach a single person to do something. he would get a new recruit, and tell elhokar to teach him to be a soldier. maybe the new recruit is one of lopens cousins who saw elhokar blackout drunk and being pushed around by lopens mom to eat his food, so he's not intimidated by him. the new guy not being intimidated is key, because he can't just do what elhokar says because he's the king. after the day, kaladin talks to the new recruit then elhokar, seeing what went right and wrong, then tells elhokar what changes to make. if somehow everything went right with that, kaladin would next give him a group of 5 to lead in some way, and if that worked, a group of 50.

possibility 2: a job shadow. either kaladin job shadowing elhokar, watching all his fuck ups happen in real time, and constantly whispering advice which is offputting to the people elhokar is meeting with but its funny. the issue here comes with kaladin not knowing a lot of political theory. as good of a leader as kaladin is (which is insanely), elhokar is more well versed in political theory (as an example think of the time kaladin was like 'why is beating sadeas in a duel going to wreck him its literally just a duel' there would be a lot of situations in elhokar's work as a king that kaladin would probably be similarly confused on), even if he doesn't apply it well. either that, or elhokar job shadowing kaladin, watching kaladin train the windrunners, and breaking to explain some things to elhokar every once in a while, which elhokar would theoretically learn from. the issue here of course comes with how both of these guys both have sort of incredibly important jobs that they could probably only carve out a few hours at most for something like that. unless elhokar abdicated.

abdication.... no i shouldn't go into all of this this should be a separate 2000 word post. but abdication could come into play and is related to that *asterisk earlier.

i can not think of a third possibility, although there probably is one. i would think that possibility 1 would be more likely in my opinion.

some meme possibilities i came up with:

- kaladin lets elhokar borrow syl and elhokar wears a hat and syl is in the hat pulling bits of his hair like ratatouille and basically operating elhokar and she makes him be an ideal windrunner whenever she feels like he's fucking up

- kaladin presides over the document signing meetings and whenever elhokar is about to sign a document he thinks isn't good he slaps the pen out of his hand and has a disapproving glare. elhokar has to do the walk of shame across the room to get the pen everytime this happens

- training montage with "Gonna Fly Now" in the background where there is no dialogue and it just shows elhokar visibly failing and he tries to lift a rock with a piece of paper on it that says "kingly responsibility" and fails and kaladin shakes his head, then there's a training montage of idk him learning the spear or training other bridgemen or other kaladin-y things and wearing a bandana for no reason then by the end of the montage he successfully lifts the kingly responsibility rock

- they just completely switch jobs for a while while elhokar gets his shit together. all hail king kaladin

(+ my first thoughts)

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

[ithisatanytime]

Vegetables are fucking bullshit. im not gonna proofread this, but if you want to lose weight this is literally the only thing besides surgery that will work and its not even hard at all i promise, this was not inspired by me being disgusted with fat women, as everybody knows im down with the thickness. not fat though, there is a wider range for men then women believe, but i guess they are mostly just trying to compete with each other (i dont actually believe this for a second, it is for men its just a subconscious instinct, manifesting consciously as a desire to compete or look good) i added this long as disclaimer because this is a lifelong interest of mine, i always talk about it, but i dont want some poor girl to read it and think i want her to go on a diet you are beautiful just as you are, but at the same time i didnt want past relationship girls to see me saying i was down with the thickness and think they were heavy, only one was heavy

  Dont get me wrong, i like vegetables, but they are honest to god a fucking scam. vegetables are CHEAP, especially grains and cerials, to be honest grains are less bullshit than leafy greens, but they are still kind of bullshit. you are made of fucking meat, thats what you are, all the stuff you need or pretty damn close, is found in meat, vegetables are mostly insoluble fiber, very low in calories, which despite what you have been led to believe is not a good thing. its nice to have a little roughage in your diet, but the idea that we should be eating primarily plant based food is fucking insane, and i suspect is a result of the sugar companies years long propaganda campaign against fat. for years they funded studies claming dietary fat or cholesterol caused fat to accumulate on the body, and cholesterol in the arteries, we have known since the seventies that these claims were false, but the propaganda campaign was so extensive, even doctors commonly fuck this up. you cant digest plants on your own, you need to recruit gut bacteria to ferment it in your bowels, in other words it rots in your guts making you bloated and gassy, all for just a tiny bit of calories, its ASS, because no one can live that way, your diet is failing because you arent eating enough meat. meat is food, its real food. no fucking animal would go through the trouble of evolving the necessary intelligence and hardware needed to have to KILL every single meal, if it wasnt so much better than the fucking grass and leaves that are everywhere, and grass is much easier to catch and kill than a gazelle,so why bother? because the gazelle is food, its made of the same building blocks you are, you are made of meat.

   Meat is much more readily digested in your body than plant matter, people think that meat constipates you and ive seen people say it sits in your gut for years, the opposite is true, meat is digested quickly and efficiently leaving behind almost no waste material whatsoever, meaning you arent pooping because you arent making poop, meat is digested almost completely where as plant matter is filled with fiber which passes through either completely unchanged or only mildly changed into a gel like substance in the case of soluble fiber.  but heres the real MEAT of this post (heh) fats and proteins from animal sources (meat) are far more satiating than carbs from plants, meaning a hundred calories of animal fats and’/proteins will keep you full for longer, than a hundred calories of carbs, and i can prove it, a boneless skinless chicken breast has 284 calories (very little fat but high in protein) thats less total calories than two cans of mountain dew, how long do you think you could last after eating a chicken breast vs drinking two mountain dews? there are 250 calories in a new york strip steak, thats less than two potatoes, i bet you could last all day if you ate a new york strip steak for breakfast, a potato and a half without butter or anything? you would crash by noon.

 Vitamins are fucking bullshit. as long as you get micronutrients into your body at some point, meaning you arent a third worlder who eats nothing but one kind of cheap food, you are getting vitamins, all of them, most of them and guess what, meat has literally all of the required vitamins your body needs in abundance, so long as you occasionally eat liver. but it hardly fucking matters, almost no one in the first world is seriously deficient in micronutrients (the vitamin d thing is bullshit, they miscalculated the requirements or there is some racial factor they refuse to aknowlege, because if fucking everyone is d3 deficient and doing just fine, then no one is. also d3 is found ONLY in animals, not in plants) its all about macro-nutrients FAT PROTEIN carbs, you are eating too much carbs, if you try to stop eating so much carbs you are going to fuck it up, i promise you, your body keeps track EVERY DAY, trying to maintain homeostasis, you will take one extra bite, you will measure your portions wrong, you will eat a whole goddamn cake because you are starving, your body is better at counting calories than you will ever be. so heres what you do, DONT TRY, if you have to try you will fail, you are working too goddamn hard, be realistic with yourself, a temporary diet is actually fucking meaningless, diets are for life. you cant sustain that horrible dumb ass bulshit girl magazines are trying to make you live on, NO ONE CAN, less than 6 percent of people who have lost significant amounts of weight will keep the weight off after a year. who the fuck knows after that as well, other than its certainly less than six percent. i am giving you the cheat code right now, all you have to do is take my word for it, do i seem like i spent years obsessing over this shit? because i have, heres the secret. all you have to do, nothing more, if you try to do more you are fucking up! all you have to do, is take your body weight, divide it by two, and try to get that many grams of protein per day, like your life depended on it, preferably from MEAT. preferably with fat! but honestly i dont fucking care. tbh if you are a girl, id shoot four 40-50 grams everyday, and heres the thing, please! do not go for lowfat, lean meats. you want meat with fat on it, preferably unprocessed, you can still eat hamburgers and sausages but dont make them the center piece of your diet, because they actually add fats in as part of the processing, you can stil leat it though, if you try to get your 40 grams of protein from lean meat like chicken breast alone, you will go crazy and quit, or you will just eat a bunch of carbs to make up for it. again, you want fat and protein. if for the next two months, you made it your goal to eat whatever the fuck you wanted (this is important) so long as you got 40 grams of protein a day, preferably from animal sources, preferably with fat, i promise you, not only will you lose weight like fucking crazy, but it wont even be hard at all, you will feel like you are fucking gorging yourself while slowly getting hotter. that being said, to us men, being hyper thin is not really all its cracked up to be, thats gay fashion designer shit, we like women to be soft, to contrast are hard muscular bodies.

[bigskydreaming]

Im asking this genuinely so pls dont yell at me; when you say that those using trigger warnings dont care about their readers’ mental health and wellbeing, what else are trigger warnings supposed to be for? To make sure people don’t enter fics that have material that would harm them. Just like tv shows that warn about nudity or violence or what have you. Its a rating system, theyre warnings. Tagging for rape or underage ARE the looking-out-for-readers thing. Past that, it is on readers to decide

I try not to yell at anyone engaging in good faith, I know it doesn’t always seem that way, but I would rather be engaged with than ignored...the latter is when my volume goes up, lol.

But in answer to your question, it comes down to the fact that trigger warnings are well established enough in fandom by now, that they exist as a kind of social contract.

In short, its EXPECTED that you provide trigger warnings, and that if you don’t have them, someone will bring that up at some point.

Problem is, this counter-productively works against what trigger warnings are actually FOR.....once we reach a point (which we’ve long since reached)....where a lot of people are only including the trigger warnings because of the social contract that expects them to have them, and not ACTUALLY because they’re prioritizing their readers’ well-being.

Something I see a LOT after trigger warnings is the phrase or sentiment “enter at your own risk”....and the phrasings are so, so key to what I’m talking about. 

Take a small sampling and just look for what I’m describing and I’m fairly certain you won’t have to go far to find an example of a fic where the tone of the author is not one of concern for readers, but preemptive concern for potential backlash from readers.

And these are two very different things.

Like, we all know how to read and interpret tone and nuance. Its genuinely not that hard to tell the difference between a sincere expression of wanting readers to be aware of potentially triggering content, and a faux-expression of that when really, the only thing you’re worried about triggering is a negative reception from people, and you want to get ahead of that by making it clear from the get go that hey, you did your job, you warned readers, and thus nobody has any grounds to say anything about your content itself.

Because also too there’s the fact that trigger warnings are inherently fallible. They rely on the author’s own AWARENESS of their content and everything it might include......but a racist author isn’t going to place a trigger warning for using their characters as mouthpieces for even blatant white supremacist ideology. 

A genuinely predatory author (and yes, they absolutely do exist, and its willful stubbornness that people rely on to pretend that like, for some bizarre reason, only genuinely predatory people don’t partake in this otherwise global hobby of reading and writing fiction, like what even is that, how do you arrive at that conclusion, that like, actual pedophiles are so busy preying on ‘real life’ teenagers in their zip code 24/7 that they just don’t have TIME to go online and cultivate predatory relationships with real life teenagers via social media? That doesn’t make any sense!)

But anyway, a genuinely predatory author, is absolutely NOT going to tag or place trigger warnings for pedophilia, etc....because they don’t WANT the things they write perceived that way.

People trying to normalize incest are not always going to tag for incest because they want to DISTANCE the cute, sweet dynamic between two ‘only sorta brothers’ as other than the kind of incest that destroys families...regardless of the reality that most cases of incest are the LATTER and its the FORMER that’s so rare it barely exists. 

And that sort of thing is how we get terms like dub-con and pseudo-incest and ‘consensual underage sex’ when its describing a relationship between a minor and adult....because this is mitigating, distancing language. Its entire reason for existing is to make unpalatable content seem more palatable.

And especially in Batfandom, we KNOW this.

Because we all, practically universally, give Devin Grayson crap for describing the rape in Nightwing #93 as ‘nonconsensual sex’ and go.....THATS NOT A THING!

And then half of fandom turns around and....acts like that and similar stuff...IS A THING.

That doesn’t work! LOL. It just...doesn’t.

Or another example, because abuse can be just as triggering as rape.....like, for me, personally, I’m a survivor of both, and yes, both CAN be triggering. But not as much as people might think....like, just reading a depiction of these things doesn’t trigger me.

Its, like you were saying at the get go, yes, a matter of surprise.....the kind of thing that CAN be warned for, and prepared for, and its the sheer unexpectedness that’s usually the trigger. 

Like.....I went off a few weeks ago about reading a story that was supposed to be about Dick’s brothers learning the truth about what led him to take the Spyral mission and what happened in Forever Evil. That’s what the summary said, that was it, that was the only thing it led me to expect about the story. So understandably, I go into the story expecting it to be sympathetic to Dick. I’m looking for catharsis from it honestly, a salve for the many fics and canon events that blamed and punished him for something I don’t consider his fault, right?

And then towards the end....I get Jason punching Dick again, before hugging him, because that’s just how he reluctantly shows love or whatever.

This genuinely triggered me, yeah. Its why I got so upset about it. Because I was blindsided, I had no way to prepare for it, because I went in expecting catharsis for a story that bothered me due to its victim blaming, and instead I got the author heaping on more of the same abuse we already saw in canon.....with zero awareness that’s what she was doing. 

So....that’s absolutely something I wrestled with should I message the author and ask them to add a trigger warning or not? Because I genuinely could have used one. It would have helped. I would have avoided that story if I had any notion that might crop up in it, because frankly, that’s not something I had any interest in reading.

But problem is, there’s only really two realistic outcomes there. If she was open to hearing a genuine request for her to be aware that her content contained triggering material for a reader....chances are, she probably would have just edited it and taken that out entirely. It was just one line. Easy enough to do. It certainly didn’t add anything.

Problem is....there’s an equal and opposite likely outcome....that she’d get defensive, call this unsolicited criticism, and double down on the idea that what she had written wasn’t abuse, because obviously she doesn’t condone abuse, so she wouldn’t have written that plain and simple. It has to be acknowledged that a lot of authors ARE innately defensive about social content in their work, and not open to hearing they’ve done something offensive or triggering....because that’s like...literally the basis of the ‘no unsolicited criticism’ movement in fandom, even though being critical of toxic ideology expressed in content is NOT the same as offering criticism of someone’s writing in general. 

So you see what I mean? A trigger warning COULD genuinely help in that situation....but our fandom environment simply flat out is not conducive for readers to be at all confident that they even CAN come forward and alert an author that they delved into an offensive, even harmful take with their content and be well received no matter HOW they phrase it....

For much the same reasons I mentioned in that other post. People are more likely to instinctively jump to the defense of the person WRITING the content that offended or did actual emotional harm....than the person simply trying to say, backed by their own lived experience of....being offended or experiencing emotional harm....hey, this is a problem for me and I would appreciate it being regarded as such....

Otherwise, what is even the POINT of this entire system of trigger warnings in the first place? If a problem for a reader isn’t regarded as worthy of attention in and of itself.....at least, not in comparison to whatever problem that READER’S problem creates for the WRITER.

You see what I’m saying? For this, and a lot of other reasons, trigger warnings are innately fallible. They rely on an honor code system, and the uncomfortable truth is none of us are actually naive enough to believe everyone in fandom is innately honorable enough to honor that....if they were, would we have as much cases of anon hate, spite fics, etc?

But fandom as a whole looked at the trigger warning system and decided well....its good enough. Because its not like I’m proposing a viable alternative, its not like I have a BETTER system in mind, offhand. All I do have is the point that well...no...its NOT good enough as is....because for a ton of reasons, there’s a ton of cases in which there’s a ton of people for which it flat out doesn’t work for or benefit at all.

But when this comes up to any degree, in any capacity whatsoever....and the only thing people fall back on is well, I tagged it, or I used trigger warnings what more do you want, or its good enough for me so that’s what matters, or just....

“I did what I was supposed to per the social contract about trigger warnings, so if anything goes wrong in your reading experience at this point, that’s entirely on you.”

Like, does that make sense?

Basically, there’s a world of difference between:

This is a problem that still needs solving because the solution provided now is not all-encompassing or inclusive....

And....

This is a problem that’s already been solved as far as I’m concerned, and I’m utilizing that solution so any further problems are just in the mind of the reader and have nothing to do with reality, let alone me and my work.

Again, as I said above....its the difference between genuinely engaging with other members of your fandom community with actual concern for THEIR fandom experience.....or faking engagement with other members of your fandom community when your only real concern is YOUR fandom experience, and at most, the experiences of anyone who already is of like minds to you on a subject.

Hopefully that answers your question or clarifies my stance there, anon. And thank you for actually engaging on this. It feels a bit like shouting into the void a lot of the time, lol.

[oikawa13]

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane. 

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen. 

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a  boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

[tomakeitbeautifultolive]

why do you think gendry is missing in every promotional materials we got so far ? a part of me is thinking they're maybe trying to downplay his role or hide that he's not dead but i dont really see it. im kind of worried that we wont get our gendrya endgame :(

I took a bit too long to answer this question, ‘cause we got a gift today!:

(Now, there are all sorts of reasons Gendry might not have been included in the EW promo material (Yara, for instance, was either pregnant or had just given birth so had to miss, and Joe Dempsie has been working on other projects). Also missing from the EW material: Tormund, Edd, Bronn, Beric, Podrick, Lyanna)

Now it’s time to allay your Gendrya fears!

The first, most beautiful clue is this:

While so many people believe the false notion that Arya is a ‘stone-cold killer’, almost all of her actions and decisions tell us differently.

She immediately gave up her quest to kill Cersei upon learning that Jon was back home at Winterfell. Arya’s ‘prayer’ or list was a crutch against her loneliness - it’s what she used to cope. Revenge was literally all she had. And her trip to Braavos was a means to survive. She never really wanted to be a faceless man, she had to become one because there was no other place for her. But she was and always will be Arya Stark of Winterfell. Arya is full of emotion and love and protectiveness - which is why we see her in tears once she realizes Gendry was choosing to stay with the Brotherhood rather than remain with her:

Maisie Williams herself tells us that she acted “I could be your family” in several different ways - but the take they chose was the one she was told to say like “I love you.”

When Arya tells Ned “That’s not me” - well, she’s not entirely wrong… but still a little wrong. She is pre-pubescent when she makes this claim, and she’s also very disillusioned with the typical lord and lady setup (as she should be). So no, being betrothed to someone her father picked out for political reasons isn’t “her”. But picking out her own man and choosing who to marry - like her aunt Lyanna before her? Is.

Like Lyanna, Arya is sort of a beauty in disguise - hiding under short or shaggy hairstyles and men’s clothing. For those too thick (or shallow) to understand that she’s now a young woman, we’ve got this brilliant line from Hot Pie to remind us how much she’s grown:

It’s subtle, but we’re being groomed to think of Arya differently, since a lot of people still see her as a little girl (even though she’s 18 in season 8).

Interestingly, the dialogue between Arya and the Lannister soldiers get us thinking about children and family and lineage. After the one across from her says, “My wife’s just had our first baby.”

Watch Arya’s face when she inquires about it:

She seems very intrigued by the notion, no? Arya proceeds to go back home to Winterfell, essentially 'cosplaying’ as her father, Ned:

Obviously, family is quite important to the girl, and perhaps these are hints she might start one of her own. Also, check this shit out:

As for why we aren’t getting more Arya/Gendry promo material (a damned shame), it’s almost certainly to keep their reunion a surprise for the show.

I’m willing to bet that this generous peek of Gendry’s goods:

Is a setup that’s going to call back to this scene:

Why even include this if it meant nothing? Also, Joe Dempsie had been told to work out and beef up - expecting a shirtless scene in season 7 that never came, but it’s not too late for season 8! *coughs*

When it comes to the books, it becomes blatantly obvious. I mean, it’s a wonder anyone can read that shit and walk away thinking these two are meant to just be friends. Here are a few curious lines:

“Arya has the hands of a blacksmith.”

“You couldn’t even hold a hammer.” / “I could if I wanted.”

“If it is marriage and children you desire, tell me, and we shall find a husband for you. Some honest apprentice boy”

“Lord Eddard’s daughters live. One has just been wed. The other … if the gods are good, she’ll forget she was a Stark. She’ll wed some burly blacksmith or fat-faced innkeep, fill his house with children.”

The entire song “My Featherbed” was likely written for Arya and Gendry, as it appears only in her chapter. And boy, it reeks of Arya! Right down to the lyrics insisting the girl be his lady, and the girl resisting the traditional role - “She spun away and said to him, no featherbed for me” - only to give in, in the end - “But you can be my forest love, and me your forest lass”.

I can’t believe I only caught this recently, too, but this line: “I’ll dress you all in yellow silk” - House Baratheon colors!

For more book foreshadowing to help assure you, check out bridge4’s brilliant video “Will Arya and Gendry get together in Season 8?”

Here’s a very lovely and underrated meta by @tatticstudio55 pointing out some parallels between Arya and Gendry and Lyanna and Rhaegar.

And here is a compilation of Gendrya foreshadowing as well as another meta on the romantic undertones between Arya and Gendry.

Hope this helps! ♥

[puckinghell]

Liquid Courage | Tyler Seguin

Requested: Ask and you shall receive :-) Words: 2570 Note: This is kinda a part two to A Drunk Tongue, but could be read as a stand alone. 

You stand in the middle of Tyler’s living room, which is filled to the brim with people. The music is loud, as is the sound of people chattering, and alcohol is flowing. It’s a pretty regular occurrence, that Tyler’s house looks like this.

And yet, something is wrong.

It’s not that you’re seemingly the only person who’s drinking water. That is a regular occurrence at Tyler’s parties, too. He always insists on you coming, and you do, because that’s what best friends are for, but you’re not a big party person and this time around, you can still remember the taste of tequila in your mouth from last week. Your roommate’s birthday celebration got a bit out of hand, and you ended up on Tyler’s couch, although you had no memory of how exactly you got there.

No, your feeling of doom has more to do with the host. Your eyes find Tyler, standing at his kitchen island, a glass of whiskey in hand. Someone whose name you don’t know is talking to him, but he’s barely responding, and you’re pretty sure he’s not hearing a word of what his conversation partner is saying.

Sometimes you worry about him. You know he throws parties often because the house is awfully big for one person; it’s the same reason that he invites you over for dinner multiple times a week - although your cooking ability, and his lack thereof, might have something to do with that as well - but he’s never looked so alone during one.

It’s something about the hard set of his jaw, the dark circles around his eyes, the way his fingers are clenching the glass of liquor a bit too tight. You’re not able to put your finger on it exactly, not able to pinpoint it to a specific feature, but you feel it with every fiber of your being.

Something is bothering your best friend, and he’s dealing with it on his own.

You put your glass of water on the side table next to you and start making your way over to him. You almost trip over Cash, who looks at you with tired eyes. The house might be too big for just Tyler and his dogs, but his dogs certainly think it’s too small for parties of this size.

“Hey,” you mutter, resting your hand on his back as you maneuver your way to his side. He looks at you, recognizes you, and his face lights up.

“Y/N!” he says, and the slur in his voice tells you he’s more drunk than you thought he was. Tyler handles his liquor a lot better than you, and you usually don’t really notice when he’s been drinking. Sometimes he gets a bit more giggly or a bit louder, but he never slurs his words and he’s always steady on his feet.

Not this time.

“You alright?” you hum. His change in demeanor is surprising you, the crinkles of laughter around his eyes amusing.

“Now I am,” he slurs, and he wraps his arm around your shoulders. “I lost you.” He’s pouting, and it’s cute, but you refuse to think about that right now. You have to remember that you’re a woman on a mission, and your irrationally large crush on your best friend has to wait until you’ve solved the mystery.

“You looked a bit lonely there,” you needle, and he frowns.

“Well, I couldn’t find you.” He says it as if it explains everything, and you curse your fluttering heart.

“I can’t hang around you all night,” you tease. “None of the pretty girls that are here would dare to approach you if I just clung to your side.”

His face falls and you don’t know why, don’t realize what you said wrong. Surely he was aware of all the pretty girls that are currently walking around his house.

“You’d tell me, if there was something going on with you, right?” you push, and his face softens. Then, he leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Sure, baby.” It’s not a pet name he uses for you often, and you feel your cheeks flush red. His arm falls away from your shoulder as one of his teammates approaches him and you take the opportunity to slip away from him, and make your way to the bathroom.

You know he’s not telling you the truth and it bothers you more than you’d like to admit. You’re at least 90% sure he’s lonely. He has his dogs, and his teammates, and you, but his family lives far away and he’s not been in a serious relationship in years. He’s getting older too, and although he hasn’t mentioned a family of his own, you see the way he looks at his teammates’ kids, at kids in the stands even, and you know he’s ready for something more serious.

As a best friend, maybe you should be a better wing woman. Maybe you should be setting him up on blind dates with your hot and available friends. It’s just that the thought of him with someone, anyone who’s not you, makes you feel dizzy with nausea.

You use the bathroom and wash your hands. When you throw open the door of the bathroom and walk back out into the hallway, you’re met with something solid and warm, and two strong hands grab onto you and pull. Tyler stumbles back, his back hitting the wall, as he pulls you with him.

“Wow,” he breathes. “I’m a bit wobbly.”

You giggle. “You mean drunk?”

He doesn’t answer, and that’s when you notice that he’s close enough for you to feel his warm breath against your skin. You step back, his hands drop, his smile disappears.

“Ty, do you think I should be setting you up on blind dates?” You blurt it out before thinking it through, and you can tell it was too sudden an outburst from the confusion that washes over his face at your words.

“You, I, what?” he stammers. “Blind dates? God no.”

You cross your arms, your stubbornness shining through. “Why not? Don’t you want a girlfriend?”

He seems to think about this, as he leans back against the wall more comfortably. The silence is getting tense, and then he finally speaks. “I want a girlfriend. But I want something very specific.”

You hadn’t expected that. Your heart sinks; whatever he wants, you’re pretty sure you could never keep up to his standards. On one hand, you don’t want to hear him say it, but on the other hand, maybe hearing it from his mouth will finally give you an opportunity to move on.

“What is it that you’re looking for, Ty?”

He stares at you, his golden brown eyes searching your face, and then he pulls his bottom lips between his teeth and you feel like you’re going to faint. Maybe it’s the atmosphere, the noise of people in the background, the sound of music behind thick walls, maybe it’s how close he’s standing or the fact that the suit he’s wearing is tight in all the right places, but maybe it’s just that it’s Tyler and you’re pretty sure there’s never been anyone who means as much to you as he has.

“Y/N,” he says then, softly, “you know when I picked you up last week, and you were drunk out of your mind?”

It’s not a memory you’re proud of, and you feel your cheeks heat up as you nod.

“You told me that a drunk tongue never lies.”

“Okay?” You don’t get where he’s going with this, but as he reaches out to place his hand on your hip, fingertips featherlight against the fabric of your jeans, you decide not to question his drunken train of thought.

“I need you to remember that I’m drunk right now,” he mumbles, and then suddenly he’s leaning in and your heart is beating out of your chest. He stops right before his nose touches yours, and his breath is hot against your lips, and your eyes nearly flutter shut without your permission, but then you look up in his warm brown eyes and all you see in them is truth.

“Why?” you ask, whisper against his mouth, and he smiles.

“I’m looking for you.” He closes the gap, his lips soft against yours at first, hesitating, but when he realizes you’re not pulling away, his grip on your hips tightens and his tongue sweeps across your bottom lip. You let him deepen the kiss, allow your hands to travel up to his neck, your fingers curling in his hair.

He pulls away slightly, only just enough to disconnect you lips, as you struggle for air.

“Ty…”

He doesn’t let you finish your sentence, instead kisses you again, passionate from the start this time. You barely notice that he’s moving you towards his bedroom, surprisingly steady on his feet as he kicks the door shut behind him and pushes you towards his bed without breaking the kiss.

You fall back onto the covers and he follows right away, his body pressing yours into the mattress, and when he starts pressing kisses against your jaw, you come back down to earth just long enough to realize what’s happening.

Tyler’s drunk, and probably lonely, but you have no excuse. Well, none other than the fact that you’ve been in love with him for like a year, but no excuse you’d actually be willing to tell him when morning comes and he realizes he made a mistake.

“Ty…” you bring out. “Tyler, stop.”

He freezes instantly, clambers away from you so fast it’s like he’s been bitten by something. His hair is starting to curl at the back of his neck and the top buttons of his dress shirt are unbuttoned - you can’t remember you doing that, but you must’ve - and he looks so handsome that every fiber of your being is screaming at you to just do it, just go for it, deal with the consequences later.

But this is your best friend and you can’t lose him over one night. Even if that one night would most likely be the closest to heaven you’ll ever get.

“You don’t want this?” he asks, his voice tight, and you notice the hurt in his eyes. It nearly brings tears to yours.

You reach out and take his hands in yours, and you see the tension leave his shoulders. “I do,” you whisper, “but you’re drunk, and when you’re sober, you might regret this. I don’t think I can deal with that, Ty.”

He shakes his head feverishly, crawls back towards you and moves either leg on one side of you as he cups your face in his hands.

“Look at me,” he says sternly, and you do. “I want this, I want you. I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“But…”

“Y/N,” he interrupts, and you let him, because you’re not even really sure what you were going to say. “I love you. I was sober yesterday and I loved you. I’m drunk now, and I love you, and I’ll be sober tomorrow, and I’ll still love you.”

His words are so honest, so forceful with truth, that you can literally feel your defenses crumbling.

“Let me show you,” he mumbles, and he kisses you again. You don’t stop him this time. Instead, you let him show you.

You wake to the sun on your face and for a few seconds, you’re confused about your surroundings. That’s when you notice a hump of brown dog against your legs and you realize you’re in Tyler’s room.

And that’s when the rest of the night comes back to you. You blush at the memories, remember Tyler’s skin against yours, his voice in your ear, his lips against your neck; it’s almost like he’s right there again.

Except, he’s not.

“Where is he, Marsh?” you whisper to the dog, who doesn’t even move an eyelid to acknowledge your question. You can feel dread starting to take over your stomach.

You were right. He did regret it. And he ran.

You step out of the bed then, ready to get dressed and run away from confrontation, ready to take your broken heart and lick your wounds in the peace of your own home. You find your jeans, but are somehow unable to find your shirt, so you take one of Tyler’s.

If he can stand the thought of ever facing you again, you’ll bring it back sometime.

Marshall jumps off the bed now, scratching at the bedroom door. When you open it, the Labrador darts down the stairs, where two more Labradors stand, excitedly wagging their tails. You tiptoe down the stairs and quickly pet the dogs.

It’s a mess downstairs, empty glasses scattered around the room, even one lonely shoe in front of the couch. The owner of the shoe, at least, has found his way home.

That’s when you smell burning.

Curiously, you make your way to the kitchen.

“Hey baby.” The voice is surprisingly light and Tyler looks chipper and not hungover at all - which is just unfair, considering your state last week - as he stands at the stove, wearing sweatpants that hang dangerously low on his hips and a white shirt, his curly hair a mess. He’s holding a pan, waving at the dark grey smoke that’s hovering above it with his hand.

“What did you do?” you ask warily, and he chuckles.

“Tried to cook you breakfast. Forgot I can’t cook to save my life.”

Cook you breakfast?

Your mind is working in overdrive, and that’s when he frowns.

“You look like you just saw a ghost. You okay?”

He’s acting so normal, like last night never even happened. You knew he was drunk, but surely, he wasn’t that drunk? Surely, he didn’t…forget?

“Do you remember?” It comes out as a high squeak, your voice shaky, and his eyes widen. He throws the pan in the sink as if it’s not smoking like a chimney, and stands before you within two big steps.

His eyes are blazing as he looks at you, his voice forceful as he speaks. “Of course.”

Your cheeks must be the color of actual tomatoes by now, but you can’t back down, you need to know, need to know if yesterday was the best or the worst decision of your life.

“Do you regret it?” You hold your breath as you finish your sentence.

He doesn’t respond right away. “Do you?” he asks then, tentatively.

You shake your head. You don’t. You can’t. Not even if it ruined the best friendship you ever had. Last night was everything.

 And that’s when a smile breaks out onto his face, a smile so bright it could light up even the darkest of nights.

“Me neither,” he hums, and then his arms are circled around your waist. “I was right,” he states, and it’s your turn to frown.

“Right about what?”

He grins. “I told you that I’d be sober, but I’d still love you.” His forehead comes to rest against yours. “I was right. Still love you.”

You let your eyes fall shut. “You said, yesterday, that you wanted this for a long time…”

“Been waiting on you.” One of his hands travels to the hem of your shirt - his shirt, really -, slips under there, rough fingers against warm skin. “I guess I just needed a little bit of courage to tell you.”

“A bit of liquid courage?”

He laughs. “Exactly.” Then he kisses you again. When you pull away, you smile at him.

“Hey, Ty?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

[mastcrplanncr-a]

issue #23 made me really heccin’ emo over eggman and sonic. i was prepared for it, but also ?? not prepared??? holy frick im just gonna ramble under the cut.

first of all, i’m just gonna’ idly ramble about some things i noticed.

Eggman, literally 11 issues ago:

he makes these off remarks and then changes his mind whenever it’s convenient for him smh. that or hes a freaking liar and. WELL THAT’S PRETTY TRUE HONESTLY.

i’ma be honest fam starline is a freaking mood rn. it’s ?? so dumb?? LIKE EGGMAN WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING FAILSAFE UR SOLUTION WAS “not touching the robots hurr durr” PL EASE.

In retrospect, though, this is an interesting parallel to Forces because he’d apparently learned from his mistakes. TBF, and it has been brought up elsewhere on tumblr, this is a man recovering from amnesia. He must’ve just not gotten to that part. OR HE’S JUST. DUMB AND ARROGANT. Like, yeah, sure, there’s no vaccine - lol the heroes can’t fix anything & it also means you’re valuable because you’re the one person who can. BUT COME ON EGGMAN.

my friend actually predicted this holy shit. i was rambling abt a discussion we had in the egg cult, where we were talking about the possibility of sonic infecting eggman to blackmail him into getting the cure because he’s reached the point?? hes so done with eggman’s shit??? all his friends are in danger and hes backed into a wall what else is he to do than do the one thing he doesn’t want to: use eggman’s tactics against him?

and my friend was like:

LIKE. IT IS A HUGE RISK, and Sonic went FOR IT. I’M SCREAMING TBH.

THIS CONFRONTATION WAS SO FUCKING RAW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I thought I was ready for it but I really, REALLY wasn’t. I love the little details of Starline bein’ like: “oh fuck” - usually he’s pretty cocky around Sonic but uh. HE’S INFECTED NOW. And the zero remark - idk if that’s intentional on the writer’s part but ZERO TO HERO anyone?

anyway toxi broke down crying at this point. you have no idea how much i was sobbing over my blue son just. pouring out his heart to his nemesis. that’s top tier tearjerking material.  also starline passive aggressively readjusting his outfit lmfao. BITCH IM FABULOUS. but man the usage of ‘ BE’ and ‘LIKE’ - Sonic knows who Eggman is; he’d never ask him to be something he’s not. but it’s also a reiteration of sonic’s want to see good in him; being LIKE tinker is a statement in that he wanted eggman to be who he was, but NOT to go back. to do good for the world. have it be his own decision, because deep deep down:

isn’t that what he really wants?

Also, although there are those sickly sweet descriptions, the usage of ellipses in this narrative really fucks me up because you can practially hear the gradual realization in eggman’s voice. his mockery starts out so !!! but it just eventually gets straight to the point, as a list. as a routine. because he was used to it. and because, some part of him misses it. notice the usage of ‘need’ and ‘use’. they needed him, and yet he used the people that appreciated him sm like puppets.

some nice guilt there, huh, doc?

ALSO I SPENT LIKE, HOURS TRYING TO FIND THIS EXACT DIALOGUE, but Eggman has a conversation in Dark Brotherhood with Sonic and makes this remark:

LIKE??? this isn’t new to his character, actually? Ignoring the ken penders thing bc smh. Going by this game he’s actually kind of okay with that set up. And he just works so well with the others too??? this isn’t even taking into account the other games he’s teamed up with them. I’m sorry but my head just goes back to this line so many times; it’s one of the ones that stick with me, along with ‘complicated guy’ from lost world. HE COULD!! legitimately do good. and he actually doesn’t find it too bad??? IM EMO MAN...

and IMAGINE making super cool things that people genuinely like... eggman has a HUGE ego, that much is very apparent; he’s super big on appreciation as comes with. and with tinker? he had that - he felt appreciated and loved. people LIKED what he made, and he didn’t have to bend over backwards to have that. his work felt included and he didn’t have to take that appreciation by force like he did with his lackeys (which half the time was fake anyway) .

first and foremost - WE SEE THAT OPEN YOUR HEART REFERENCE, IDW. also sonic’s frustration here, in comparison to the lil smile the panel before - he’s just!! “WHY CANT YOU WAKE THE FRICK UP OLD MAN”. the justification here seems a tad bit like DENIAL to me. and the justification seems... kind of odd from him? since when does EGGMAN justify anything he does? He does what he wants and when he wants, because he’s the E.G.G.M.A.N. he doesn’t care what anyone thinks... right?

it’s because - especially with the usage of better - he didn’t like where that train of thought was going. for once, he’s justifying himself - because the alternative is admitting sonic is right. that he did like that life. that he’d want to go back. throw it in a hierachy and it’s all so simple, right?

also the inclusion of open your heart lyrics here. the incident with chaos was just as catastrophic. and these lyrics in context of the previous panel, highlights how sonic and eggman both seek unity and peace but in their own ways; eggman’s is just evil. it seems a little bit of a diversion to me - to antagonise sonic and make him forget about it. what better way to do that than to relate to him? ‘own styles that we won’t change’ highlights a stubbornness in ways, too, especially with the current context of eggman denying his old life. ALSO IT IS LITERALLY TELLING EGGMAN TO OPEN HIS HEART.

and ngl this seems like idle banter to hide the fact he genuinely felt remorse for his actions for a second. because lbr he has a habit of being all talk when a plan goes wrong or suffering inside,

which starline does quite pointedly explain.

As I was saying above, Sonic has no choice in what to do now - he’s reaching his limit. OR ELSE. hes pondering doing the thing he doesnt want to do. and honestly, ‘you can’t stop me. no one can,’ is so hardhitting not just because of its looming threat, but because of how much it solidifies for sonic that he can’t take the chance anymore. if anyone is going to change eggman, it has to be himself.

also can i just cry over how much sonic trusts tails. im getting sa2 flashbacks.

also man i’d like to point out the specific use of ‘lock you away forever’. it coooould be a reference to sonic’s time imprisoned during the events of sonic forces. bitterness?

NOT SAYING I CALLED IT, BUT I CALLED IT. it still hurts though. and wow, it really is horrifying when eggman fears his own heccin’ creation, huh?

i live for sonic being passive aggressive with eggman. give me more please.

im immensely concerned the direction starline is going, honestly. but it does say a lot about eggman; how he’ll keep trying the same things expecting different results, but failing and never seeing that. because he’s EGGMAN; every plan is brilliant by default!

i love how sonic just !!! SHOT... THE MOMENT HE WAS REMINDED WHAT WAS AT STAKE. son i love you so much you’re doing great sweetie

also, man, can we talk about eggman avoiding his blatant faults, and shoving his failures onto someone else? because this little scene here - eggman ur literally the one who crashed the thing. it had absolutely nothing to do with sonic. i feel as though this is symbolism of his self-destructive nature, honestly. hes always gotta make things harder for himself. (also starline’s face is killing me)

Eggman does what he has to, but technology won’t work every time you kick it. he thinks he can get everything through force but we have several instances in idw where force did NOT work out; you’re not gonna get far, egghead.

MHM, and just who does that sound like, Eggman? honestly the mirrors between these two are seriously destroying me. although sonic is in a horrible position, so is eggman; he likes to think he’s won the war, but hes surpassed his own expectations, and that’s going to backfire on him eventually. hes stubborn to admit he has NO REIGN over this and they’re all doomed, so he’s pinning his failures / loss on Sonic.

is that the amnesia kicking ya in the shin, eggman? or sonic’s reality check? either way, the doc hates emotions. dammit man why you gotta make him emo

future eggman is going to kick past eggman in the kneecaps. it’s times like this ur reminded how much of a kid he is. eugh but that’s work i want my victory and senseless destruction now. honestly if the doc is after success, he is certainly not getting it this way and I AM FEARING FOR EVERYONE’S LIVES. he’ll probably have to work with what’s left of the resistance like the back end of most games at some point.

I’m getting a little burnt out but i can’t forget my son and how much he hurts me.

first of all that third panel terrifies me. the fact it GOT that far does me great concern. the RED EYES? that’s pushing it fam i dont like that. the expressions are also just freaking destroying me; they’ve been PERFECT this issue. and the fact sonic is at his weakest when he feels like he’s failed everyone hurts me deeply. he has SO much on his shoulders and its getting too overwhelming for him.

also man... the whole thing with eggman... just stuff me man. but it hurts all the more because it’s so glaringly clear that there is?? some good in eggman??? he just. doesn’t want to admit it. and unfortunately these aren’t good circumstances to debate on that.

ANYWAY, THAT ISSUE WAS AGONY AND IM STILL REELING AND HAVENT EVEN. TALKED ALL THAT MUCH ABOUT SONIC HERE (on account of this being eggman’s blog) but idk if i’ll write anything on that.

gonna go cry about an egg now brb

[shikai-the-storyteller]

CYBERVERSE WATCH: S3 Episode 13, 14, 15, 16

Episode 13

MACCADAM IS MY GRANDPA NOW

Jetfire!!! And Skybite!!! Skybite’s got a great laugh

Oh wow the cloaking still protects them? Nice!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIX PERCY’S EYES, WHERE THE FRICK IS RATCHET

A MULTIVERSE DRIVE???

PLEASE...PLEASE LET US SEE OTHER UNIVERSES??? OTHER UNIVERSES PLEASE????

SPARE SOME MULTIVERSE STUFF FOR A POOR SOUL???

I mean as it stands, the fact that Cyberverse is talking about this stuff is more than satisfying, man I frickin love this show

“We can launch those squiggly things into a whole ‘nother universe!” his delivery of that line was so good and also Wheeljack pls, then it’ll be another version of you’s problem

MEGATRON REALLY *IS* POUTING, MEGATRON YOU BIG BABY

Maccadam fondly but watching them talk about their battle plans makes me feel so bad for him...

AW MAN IS MEGATRON GONNA CHUCK OPTIMUS INTO A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE

About time you showed up you big pouting pansy

Man these two totally were ex boyfriends

LMAO ARCEE AND SHADOW-STRIKER’S EVIL LAUGHS, THAT”S SO DELIGHTFUL

That Titan should just smack them out of the sky tbh

SKULLCRUNCHER THE CROC...NICE

I love that Soundwave and Roddy are manning the controls

“Commanders command. And you forget, we have backup” CUTE...CUTE....CUTE!!!

I’M SO PROUD OF MY BOYS!!!!!!

BEE!!!It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! I love my little yellow boy!!! Please take care of your dad Bee

OH NO IT”S CREEPY TENTACLE DOCTOR

GOTH GIRL AND PREP GIRL!!! 

MAN I JUST KNOW SOMETHING’S GOING TO GO HORRIFICALLY WRONG HERE

FRICK NOT THIS DUDE AGAIN

AW MAN NOT A WHOLE BUNCH AT ONCE

YEAAAHHHHH WHEELJACK AND MEGATRON WORKING TOGETHER!!! NICE

Two Decepticons and one Autobot...not a good sign

Oh shoot it’s the DECEPTICONS who wanna universe-jump, MEGATRON COME ON DUDE YOU DIDN’T EVEN TAKE YOUR ARMY WITH YOU DUMMY

OH NO!!!!!!

“It’s time for the commanders to join the battle” MAN YOU’RE SO COOL RODDY (YOU TOO SOUNDWAVE)

OH SHOOT THERE GOES THE TOWER

WELL FRICK

DON”T “WE DID IT” HOT ROD YOUR DAD IS IN THAT WRECKAGE

“Quintessons: Inferior. Cybertronians: Superior” MAN I”LL NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT

HE”S SO COOL!!!!! FIST BUMP BUDDIES!!! Man I’m so over the moon that these two wound up getting along

You know I’m suddenly having a revelation: I wonder if they could somehow re-activate all those other Soundwaves to help them against the (inevitable) final battle I’m sure they’re gonna have

WHAT THE FRICK

ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME

Starscream: CANCELED, CANCELED, YOU”RE ALL CANCELED

Well, Megatron certainly got the heck out of dodge at the right time lmao

Episode 14

I legit thought they were going to do an ATLA ref for half a second

Oh my gosh is this an Autobot recruitment video???

“The universe. You ever thought about it?” GOSH THIS VIDEO....

I’m frickin cackling, the Quintessons were like “Hmm, what’s the worst thing we could possibly inflict on this planet?” then went “Oh, of course, Starscream”

WHY DIDN”T YOU JUST LET GO STARSCREAM

Wow Starscream really did just sell out his entire planet huh

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!!! JEEZ HE GOT EVERYONE

Jeez and Starscream has to share with two other faces, that sucks

Lmao Starscream is just like “Nah judging people is what I was born for”

UNSPACE??? UH OK

WAIT isn’t that what Wheeljack made a few episodes ago????

LMAO HE’S GONNA WAIT TIL HE CAN GET OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON TOO bless Starscream and his pettiness

“First I must witness their humiliation!” STARSCREAM PLEASE the Quintessons really got the worst Judge

OHHH WHAT’S HE GONNA DO

SOUNDWAVE YOU’RE SO POWERFUL!!!!!

OH NO HE GOT THEM AGAIN....

GOSH I ACTUALLY GASPED WHEN THEY BROKE SOUNDWAVE’S AUDIO THING, NO!!!

“Well, it did for one of us, and it only takes one Autobot to make a difference” Bee? Whirl??? Wheeljack???

WINDBLADE!!! EVEN BETTER!!! The person with the braincell!!!

I love that Rodimus doesn’t even look worried, he just sighs like “aw man not this loser again”

On the one hand: Worried about my boys On the other: Man I love these two being buds

Also: Not To Be That Guy But it looks like Soundwave’s wearing white thigh-highs with little orange hearts on them and it’s VERY distracting

“You two work so well together!!!” OH NO OH NO OH NO ARE THEY GONNA FUSE THEM TOGETHER OR SOMETHING

THOSE HEAD MASKS ARE SO DISTURBING

uh oh what kind of loop is this

THE PLAGUE OF RUST OH NO

oh my gosh STARSCREAM’S MAKING THEM DO A BUFFING LOOP...THAT’S REALLY THE WORST THING YOU COULD THINK OF STARSCREAM....

“WHERE ARE MEGATRON AND OPTIMUS PRIME” well Optimus is under a pile of concrete, so

Lmao thank you for your peanut-gallery commentary Kup

OH SHOOT THEY DID JUMP THROUGH THE MULTIVERSE BRIDGE

MAN THAT LOOKS SO FRICKIN COOL???? YO SHOUTOUT TO THE BACKGROUND ARTISTS WHO WORKED ON THIS SHOW, YOU ROCK

SERIOUSLY IM IN LOVE WITH THAT I hope whoever did the background art shares their work online sometime, I’ll be ALL over that

AHH I ALWAYS FORGET HOW SHORT THESE EPISODES ARE

Excuse me, Jeremy Levy as WHO???

Episode 15

Kup you are an...interesting commentator choice lmao

MACCADAM..... :(

Windblade please save our favorite Grandpa

wINDBLADE!

HOW’S IT FEEL BEING THE COOLEST KID ON THE BLOCK WINDBLADE

Wait I *JUST* noticed the title calls this “Bumblebee: Cyberverse Adventures” ???? IS THAT NEW

CALL ME A SUCKER BUT WINDBLADE CRACKING HER NECK AND TELLING THE LITTLE SHARK DUDES TO BRING IT ON WAS QUITE POSSIBLY ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF THE SERIES SO FAR

Windblade: *does anything* Me: IM GAY

“I don’t do fear” GOSH I LOVE MY TALENTED GIRL

OH NO!!! OH NO!!!! WINDBLADE NO!!!!!

AND HER WINGS TOO??? WHY!!!!

MACCADAM HELP HER OUT COME ON DUDE WHAT HAPPENED TO NO FIGHTING

lmao rip at the dude crushed by the juke box

Wait I thought they already woke up Iaconus??

YEAH!!!!!!!! MACCADAM AND WINDBLADE TEAMING UP

“UNFORGIVABLE CRIMES AGAINST ME!” LMAO I LOVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE IS TUNING OUT STARSCREAM get rekt Starscream.

Not to rag on people who like Starscream because I like him too but me @ Starscream stans tbh 

You guys just need to hold hands! I mean seriously, come on you guys!

STARSCREAM QUINTESSONS OMG I just noticed they’re all wearing Starscream’s colors pffft

AW.....MACCADAM’S FIRST HIGH-FIVE....:’) I bet Windblade and Maccadam both give the best hugs and best high-fives 

They’re so cute MAN I love Cyberverse!!!! I love how sweet these characters are!!!

A psychic trap??? Hoo boy

Windblade: How do I defeat this psychic trap? Maccadam: Well, it would help if you had any bug or dark-type Pokemon on you.

“Or you could just tell me!” I JUST SAID THAT TOO LMAO gosh I love the writing on this show

OHHH I LOVE THE CONTRAST OF IACONUS’ BRAIN WITH BEE’S BRAIN IN SEASON ONE, THAT”S SO GOOD

OH LMAO HE MEANT HER SWORD I thought he meant like “your inner-strength” or “your wisdom” NO HE MEANT “USE YOUR SWORD WINDBLADE” LOL

OHHH SPOOKY VOICE, I DIG IT

Wow Starscream’s really reading out his 1000 page long call-out post to a captive audience

LMAO THEY”RE JUST LISTING OUT DATE LOCATIONS

CHROMIA IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!! AHHH

OH NO ARCEE!!!!

I LOVE ARCEE, “HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT YOU BASTARD”

OH SHOOT JK I GUESS THEY REALLY DIDN”T TOTALLY WAKE HIM  UP LAST TIME I was wondering why he was just an arm

TITAN TIME!!!

Episode 16

To toast the flares off a neutron star....cute....

Wouldn’t it be cute if Kup was telling this story to a bunch of baby Cybertronians

Awh....Maccadam I’m sorry your old Titan had to re-awaken :(

“Too bad I won’t know how it ends” OH NO ARE YOU GUYS GONNA KILL OFF MACCADAM???? NO!!!!

Iaconus looks frickin RAD I’m sure Hasbro will make a killing off his toys

Speaking of I really hope they release Cyberverse on DVD in a bundle-pack

“War Titan, do NOT ignore me!” YEAH USE YOUR MOM VOICE ON HIM WINDBLADE!!!

LOVE THAT ROCK MUSIC

“This has never happened before” now THERE’S an interesting tidbit

OH NO....ITS THE OTHER TITAN....CROATON....

on the one hand, I’m SO glad we’re getting the Titan battle I crave, but on the other, CROATON NO!!!

TRIFORCE BEAM!!!

I love that Windblade is Jaeger-ing this frickin Titan solo

WHOOPS THERE GOES THE STADIUM

“Optimus had a fight of his own...with gravity!” oh how the mighty have fallen Optimus lmao

I wonder how this wonky universe would handle a flier

JUST THROW A BUILDING AT A TITAN, NBD

SOMEONE PLEASE CATCH ARCEE

THANKS GRIMLOCK

THERE’S RATCHET Finally, I was wondering where he was

“Well it’s not my fault this won’t be a fair fight” OH SHOOT THERE IT IS!!! THERE IT IS

I can’t believe Starscream is trying to back-seat drive this fight lmao

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!! Oh thank goodness they’re ok

OH NO OH NO

IS THIS IT IS HE GONNA DIE?? MAC DONT GIVE IN TO FATE!!!  NO!!!

MAC NO!!!!!!!!!! MAC YOU DIDN”T HAVE TO DIE NO!!! YOU LITERALLY DID NOT HAVE TO STAND THERE AND GET BLASTED WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!!!!!

“My last citizen...he is gone” FRICK IM GONNA START CRYING

Quints > Murdered Croaton's citizens most likely > Enslave Croaton > Inadvertently kill Iaconus' last citizen (WHICH HURT BECAUSE WE'RE MADE TO ASSUME IACONUS ONLY CARES ABOUT WAR BUT NO, HE LOVES HIS CITIZENS DEEP DOWN) > BEHEAD IACONUS LIKE, WHY YOU GOTTA STAB ME IN THE HEART LIKE THIS

Wheeljack you’re so smart but ALSO IM STILL CRYING OVER MACCADAM

“Hehe, you’re a nasty little fella” NICE JOB COWBOY

OH NO ALL THE SOUNDWAVES DANGIT I KNEW IT

AND HE”S A BIG LIAR HE DID HAVE SOME BLUE SOUNDWAVES

OH NO WHAT ABOUT WINDBLADE

HECK THAT”S SUCH A BAD PLACE TO STOP BUT I CANT WATCH ANY MORE EPISODES RN I GOTTA STAGGER THIS SERIES

[the-settingsun]

We're all gonna die - Edward Nygma x reader. Songfic

Please listen to the song as you read.

Quick songfic about my dear Eddie. Because he needs to be protected. My precisious baby boy. Feel free to request and give feedback I'd appreciate it. Also I dont proofread so point out any mistakes to me.

Gif credit to the owner.

Warnings : Blood, mentions of abuse, injuries.

The evil it spread like a fever ahead

,,What can be lost but never found?" Your boyfriend yelled at you while he took another bottle of alcohol and drank it in one go. The thunder encouraged him to put down the bottle on the small wooden table beside the window. He slowly started approaching you, you were expecting him to insult you again and his words schocked you. He wiped his nose with his hand and smirked ,,Do you like riddles?" He fake frowned ,,Or just the riddle man?". You froze, he found out about Eddie. Only man who treat you right. The GCPD was a pretty small after all. You knew what was this man infront of you capable of. ,,Please dont hurt him" you whispered looking down at your bare legs. ,,Honey, you know its for your own good" he purred into your ear. ,, Please stop" you said as quietly as possible. There was no point in fighting him, he always got what he wanted.

It was night when you died, my firefly.

After he was done with you he left like always. Broken glass, broken furniture and broken bones.

You didnt feel anything, your body wasnt yours anymore, your mind was black. But oh the floor the cold floor that make your skin crawl. Was is the floor or the blood? No one can tell. Cold, as the raging storm outside. The thunders couldnt be heard anymore but the lightning helped you see, always for a split second.

What could I have said to raise you from the dead?

Oh could I be the sky on the Fourth of July?

As you watched the same picture appear before you for hours you gave up. The pain was not worth it. It was time to move on, past the small ligh provided by your eyes that got already used to the dark. You were ready to see the light. It was silence, you cried softly as you slowly pulled your hand from the wound caused by the glass shards.With the very last strenght you had you managed to reach broken table, with one leg missing. Your whole body weight was now relying on it. The crimson shined for a brief moment, another lightning. You fell again getting tiny pieces of wood stuck in your already bloody arm. The pain kicked in as you tried to reach the phone. Every step you took was followed by lightning, displaying the silluettes of broken window on the floor beneath your feet. You reached the phone and pushed yourself against the wall. Looking at your wound and bloody hands putting pressure on it. You sensed you had last few moment infrotn of you. And so you dialed the number

Edward Nygma

1234567891011

Call

Text

Well you do enough talk

The moment you heard the dial tone you broke down. There was so much you didnt do in life, you wanted to

tell Edward everything, have amazing dates, help your daughter with her boyfriends, cry during your son's wedding. But now it was all gone in the clouds. ,, Hello this is Ed.Im sorry I cant currently talk leave a message" you put the phone down on the ground anf sighted.

My little hawk, why do you cry?

,

,Ed? Are you th-there?" Your lips slowly moved ,, (Y/N) is that you? Whats wrong? Where are you? Are you hurt" Ed spoke quickly through the screen. ,,Im home, I dont have much time, I-I-I think I-I'll die Ed. Im afraid" you heard him curse quietly,the some rumbling and door opening. Meanwhile you tried to adjust your position but your hand couldnt support you. So you sat there against cabinet slowly bleeding, looking at the ceiling above, clutching your stomach. You couldnt make out anything from the call except : Jim, help and Ed's panicking voice ,,(Y/N) talk to me please)"

Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?

Or the Fourth of July?

You glanced at the clock, it was past midnight. ,,Ed can you believe it? I made it to another day" you chuckled and hissed in pain right after. ,,(Y/N) please hang on, Im coming, the ambulance is coming, you are gonna make it" This time it wasnt his typical panic voice. Ed was crying. You blinked and more tears fell down on you sleeves.

,,Ed, Im sorry"

We're all gonna die

You heard him sight,,No, (Y/N) there is nothing to be sorry for. Its all my fault" he said and his voice broke ,,I should have seen it, I should have protected you" he let out a sob and began crying and sobbin more. ,,Eddie? I-I, you're right I should have told someone. But please dont blame yourself. Dont" you whined and put your hand over your mouth. You focused so much on your sobs you couldnt hear Ed. ,,-I cant lose you (Y/N), you are the only one that ever accepted me" he went silent. Or was it you?

Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head

Was it all a disguise, like Junior High

Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction

Now, where am I?

My fading supply

It was all too much, everything too fast and too slow at the same time.

Your cries overpowered the sound of now returned thunders as you heard cars going by below your window. ,,It hurts" you screamed in pain as you moved your arn away to overlook the injury again. ,,We're almost there (Y/N) just hold on."

,,Did you actually mean it?" Once again you asked but now with smile on your face. ,,Or is it just faded memory?" Remembering events of last weekend when you two attended police ball, he pretended to be your ,,scary" boyfriend infront of bunch of arrogant officers. Ed cleared his throath and gulped

,, The ball?" there was silence. You knew you couldnt stand up so you carefully started sliding yourself closer to the floor. ,,I did, you (Y/N) are the most beautiful, trustworthy and inteligent person I know" you stopped, only youd neck was now againt the cabinet. ,,Funny I thought you were just bluffing"

Did you get enough love, my little dove

Why do you cry?

,,What happened (Y/N) I thought you two were happy" you went silent letting the thunder be answer. You used your free habd to push yourself away from the cabinet. Now you were just laying there ,,I thought so too Ed. I loved him I did. I told myself" he kept silent you presumed he was close. Despite thunders you heard a train on the other line. The train station. He wasn't gonna make it. There wasnt enough time for him to hold you in his arms. ,,I love you Ed" you whispered loud enough for it to be heard. He took a deep breath. You messed up, but he deserves to know.

,,I love you so much (Y/N), now you cant leave here alone. I-I cant make it withouth you"

And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best

Though it never felt right

My little Versailles

,,Isnt it funny? I was always too scred to tell you and now" you coughed and gasped for air ,,we cant be together anyways. Maybe we could be another tragic pair of lovers like in the books" you softly laughted before you strated coughing again. It was blood, but at your state there wasnt place around there wasnt blood. ,,(Y/N) It was me who bought you the flowers not officer-" you stopped him ,,I always knew, the wws this little voice in my head that i-i-it was y-you." You winced as breathed. Last minutes.

The hospital asked should the body be cast

Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky

Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth

Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?

,, Eddie, we both know how is it going to end. I just do-do-ont want you to blame yourse-lf" you both inhales sharply. You because speaking makes you weaker and Ed because he was having a war with himself right now.,,No" you were silent. ,,No, there will not be anything I'd have to regret!" He yelled and cried at the same time. Poor Eddie, you knew how vulnerable he was. ,,If I die" I dont want you to visit me. ,, I wouldnt want you to dwell on the past. I'll be a dead end. Literally" you giggled a little before Ed screamed through the phone ,,FOR GODS SAKE (Y/N) YOU ARE DYING. STOP JOKING ABOUT IT."

,,Sorry, sorry. I am serious. Do-Do not attend my funereal, dont bring me flowers, dont get involved in the case." whispering you wiped your tears for the first time.

,,Why (Y/N)? So am I supposed to forget about you? If you are telling truth and you do love which I certainly hope you do. You are the love of my life (Y/N)." Once again the muffled cried from the other side of the phone were drown out by the now stronger storm. ,,Because I would break you"

Shall we look at the moon, my little loon

Why do you cry?

,,Tell me a-a-a ridd-d-riddle Edd-Eddi-Ed" you sighted as you felt your breath slowing down every minute. ,,What are the three words that are said too much, but not enough"

,,I love you"

,,So do I"

Silence.

Make the most of your life, while it is rife

,,H-H-El-Hell-Hello?" You coughed so hard your head raised from the ground only to fall back there.

,, Im here (Y/N), Jim is here. You are here. Im not losing you now."

He hanged up.

While it is light

The front door opened and the lights turned off. It shocked your body and you gasped. A figure was kneeling next to you. It was Edward Nygma. The one you loved.

Well you do enough talk

,,I wanted to grow old with you

(Y/N). I still want to. Dont.leave.me" Ed held you tighter and put his hand on your cheek and as he slowly sobbed. Hie glasses were wet from his tears and rain. He was a shaking mess. You looked into his eyes. And smiled.

My little hawk, why do you cry?

Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?

Or the Fourth of July?

We're all gonna die

You lifted up the hanf that was on your wound. Ed quickly put it back, applying the pressuee back. Being confused and still pouring his soul out through tears. You sturggled and released yourself from his grip. You hand was now cupping his cheek. With every little strenght you had you barely leaned forward and pecked edwards lips he was just starring at you, knowing its the end. With that, he pressed you towards him harder and frantically held you thinking you could disappear in every second. With that the ambulance arrived and...

We're all gonna die

We're all gonna die

We're all gonna die

We're all gonna die

We're all gonna die

We're all gonna die

We're all gonna die

Name : (Y/N) (L/N)

Date of death : 4th of july

[scaryscarecrows]

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.