#dont get mad at me for this im transmasc okay

[obscenicon]

welcome to manhood

[lucabyte]

transfem loop + siffrin... you agree

i does agree.... i does in fact ... write a 7k word essay on the subject..... if you would like to perhaps click that link and read it if you were not already aware...... kisses u on the forehead......... sorry its that long but i had to cover all of my bases you know how it is with textual analysis when you're trying to draw a distinction between "headcanon" and "reading of the text" because those are different things.... to meeeeeeee.......

[our-honeybee-transfem-experience]

i like randomly stumbling across this blog when im feeling bad and looking around the afab transfem tags .. its very nice

i'm not intersex myself but i've gone through a lot of labels. i used to think i was transmasc/masc nb because i was so forced into a boy role, and in some way i still identify with that part of myself, i'm still a *boy* in some fucked up way! but. its complicated

i was bullied my whole life for being masculine, i look like my dad, i was fat (something that, growing up in the 2010s, would get me called a man), i had masculine interests, got called slurs specifically for trans women etc. i felt so disconnected from being a girl that i think i duped myself into thinking i was entirely not

i'd define myself as a "girlthing" personally. i'm not a trans girl but i am transfem, i plan on getting hormones (its complicated) and transitioning in the way that makes me happy!! whatever femininity i connect to doesnt feel very cis, conventional, or binary, and i think thats okay

admittedly i dont even use she/her .. which ik makes people mad LOL

i get nervous talking about it though. because most people wont take "i was raised and treated like a boy despite being afab" as a reason to feel like your femininity is inherently trans, its real scary and i cant explain that i feel kinda like all of the three broad terms (leaning transfem/transneu, ovi) at least a little

i wish the trans community didn't hate itself so much. i wish we were nicer to people who are weird

.

[system-vent]

i have a couple vents about the same person from over the past week. they're also a system, these are all different stories. we have dyslexia so some words may be misspelled or i might forget words entirely. any and all names have been replaced with fake names for the sake of anonymity. the system in question will be referred to as 'yellow'.

first story. one of our innerworld managers is an introject from a new show. he was in front, he has an extremely short temper, and he can be a bit blunt. manager has specific opinions on interacting with out-of-sys sourcemates. he says that if they front of their own accord to say hello to a sourcemate, thats fine. he can tell them "cant talk right now, extremely angry and need some time, mind if we talk later?" and its done and dusted. he says its okay to ASK "oh we have a sourcemate of your introject, would your introject like to speak to our sourcemate" because if the inteoject isnt mentally stable, they can decline. but what this system did was send an alter into headspace to find managers sourcemate and send sourcemate to front. manager saw sourcemate speak and immediately removed himself from front in simplyplural (they have our sp) and when ghost told sourcemate "hey sorry manager isnt here he had to go back to headspace for a minute", sourcemate had a borderline meltdown. shouting "BRING HIM BAAAAAACK" and no amount of reasoning from anyone in front at the time could get him to calm down. his own system made no visible effort to stop him from demanding manager to come back to front if anything they enabled it. they have done this before. manager did end up coming back and just didnt add himself back to front in sp and immediately got nauseous and uncomfortable because sourcemate went "tell him i love and miss him <3". manager had never ever spoken to this sourcemate before.

story 2. yellow had recently gotten a new host during the time this story takes place. our frequent fronters are (in their own unique and distinct ways) very upbeat, friendly, easygoing, roll-with-the-flow, nothing bothers them, chill dudes. when these fronters started talking to yellow in their friendly calm way, yellow got mad at us and started being a pick-me by going "youre only friends with me because youre friends with my system. you dont want to be friends with me. im a handful. im a mess, im a terrible person." and frequent fronters naturally backed off and tried to act more cold and distant because, well, yellow isnt our friend apparently! and then for months after this he started complaining that we're drifting apart, that we dont talk anymore MOTHERFUCKER YOU PUSHED US AWAY. YOU TOLD US TO FUCK OFF AND THEN STARTED BEING A PICK-ME ABOUT IT.

3. yellow got mad at us and told us off for every alter immediately trying to be his friend, and then got mad at us because two of our sticky alters didnt want to talk to him and disnt trust him. ala he got mad because every alter wasn't immediately his friend.

3.2. to elaborate, disc and sword are at risk of getting solo frontstuck due to mental health issues they or the body may experience. if they get too anxious they will get frontstuck by themselves. yellow knows this. we told them. we asked them to be gentle with what they say while disc and sword are in front, theyve asked and expected the same of us and we obliged. disc refuses to speak anywhere or to anyone unles tea is involved in the conversation somehow or present during the convo. sword will only ever speak to or around herb, ferret, and HP. we told yellow that disc and sword will never ever be willing to speak around him due to trauma.

4. yellow called me a roseboy. femboy is a slur to transmascs as it was (and is) used to imply that they were not truely men (if i recall correctly) so no they didnt call me, an alter in a transmasculine body, they called me ROSEBOY because im a cisgender man who possesses an extremely feminine doll against my fucking will. i had met yellow earlier this month for about five minutes. i am not close with yellow. them calling me a roseboy really ticked me off because that is a joke that NO ONE is allowed to make about me. i dont even make that joke about myself. if a close friend made that joke about me, i could brush it off. i can excuse it and lightly go "hey could you not do that again" and then we move on. i am not fucking close with yellow i have so many fucking issues with yellow. he called me a roseboy to get my attention and get me to look at something he sent. i have in fact told him my backstory. he knows that i am not a fucking roseboy. and he called me a roseboy anyway.

5. they bashed on a character and claimed he "was the most basic stereotype for people with aspd" we have aspd. we hold that character close to our heart. he is a literal non human resin statue. of course he lacks empathy. we heavily relate to characters who are non-human and lack empathy. it helps us cope with our symptoms. character doesnt have aspd. HE IS A STATUE. IN A DEATH GAME. WHERE THE CONTESTANTS ARE AWARE THEY MAY DIE. they were bashing on him offing other characters and talking shit on his lack of empathy despite full well knowing both of these things. they celebrated when this character was killed off. this fucking hurt us deeply. we told him off for it, he guilted us over it.

6. (TW: EMETOPHOBIA, SUICIDE MENTIONS) YS in yellows system is a sticky alter and saw something that triggered his traumatic source memories and then proceeded to send it to us to vent about it. his cofronters did not stop him as they were panicking over something different. sword was still in front at this point, YS' vents about vomiting and the picture they saw and also sent triggered sword due to his traumatic source memories and made us nauseous because of the talk of vomit. i am a persecutor. i did not stand for this. i said "did you really have to send those? sword is nauseous, try to stop cofronters from doing that next time" and key argued back at us and tried to excuse it or something, idk i was running on pure adrenaline trying to protect swords emotional state. i gave up on telling them off because these broken records kept fucking repeating the same shit as if that makes any of it ok. i ended up saying something to the effect of "sorry for getting aggressive, im trying to protect my cofronter." they sent pretty much the same message back. i told them that i would be muting the chat so their notifs wouldnt trigger sword anymore, and then left them alone for five minutes. i come back, and YS is out of front, yellow says "goodbye, tell my boyfriend he'll move on" and caused sword to panic harder because that my friends, was a suicide note. i told them i was muting the the chat for the sake of my sticky cofronter and they sent me back a fucking suicide note. i know exactly what it was because last night they were venting about being straight up suicidal and said the exact words "if i killed myself, my boyfriend would move on". i refused to open that app for an hour straight and forced sword to look and think about other things in an effort to calm him down, he spoke to herb and ferret and HP and whatnot and got calm, i messaged yellow back and told them call a hotline and this motherfcuker said "oh i thought you muted the chat. i wasnt actually going to do it id chicken out anyway". were they hoping i was bluffing? were they trying to guilt me? wwre they expecting me to come back and apologize profusely for my crimes? for taking care of my sticky cofronters mental health?

its worth noting theyre also upset because me, Vex, and Bob werent instantly friendly with them. vex is an emotional protector, his job is to sit in front and absorb all our negative emotions and be numb to any abuse that comes our way and then sob and ugly cry about it once we are safe. vex is an extremely angry person and cries out of frusteration very easily. when he met yellow he told them he was angry and wouldnt be easy to get along with. he told them to just gently tell him if he steps out of line and he'll apologize and make up for it. they ignored it and screamed at him and us to the point where he sobbed three times in the same day for hours at a time. they never apologized.

yellow has let a raver front on multiple occaisional. a raver is an alter whos job is to be malicious and angry and mean and harmful on purpose intentionally knowing full well what theyre doing is very wrong. raver literally verbally attacked someone who had been a host at the time upon their first meeting after exchanging a single sentence. yellow has allowed this raver to guilt and manipulate and emotional harm alien to the point where alien will not front. alien does not come near front. alien sits depressed in his room all day. alien and raver have had multiple negative interactions that alien was blamed for.

yellow got mad at vex for telling off a Borderline Raver and telling BR to stay in their lane and fucking behave. we have had multiple interactions with BR. every single time has been damaging. vex was on his guard and protecting us despite knowing yellow hates him and has hated him and been hostile towards him from the moment he spoke.

we are the only person they ever vent to, even when we are mentally unstable and mute their notifications and we tell them we can not mentally handle vents right now. yellow has other friends. they do not shut up about their other friends. theyre matching icons with yellow hosts boyfriend. and yet they only vent to us. because they dont want to bother anyone.

i cannot bring any of this up to them. they have BPD. they might make an actual attempt if they think theyve ever upset us. they have stated this themselves. i have to pretend that everythings just fucking peachy! i still havent opened the conversation with them.

Sorry that this happened to you anon:( -🌐

[raymend]

Unironically its insane that there was "if you dont wear your binder at all opportunities youre not really transmasc" discourse. like i dont even know how to describe how crazy and invasive that is to make assumptions based off of ones' willingness to put themselves through pain especially when like .. There's diminishing returns if you have a larger chest like some people do not consider it worth it especially when it IS relatively expensive AND painful

like also too how that happened literally alongside the weird ass misinformation campaign of like how you supposedly could ruin your chances to get top surgery from binding too much ... its literally so vile how absolutely toxic these communities were for kids trying to find their identity and how hopeless and dark they made it seem.

like i cant help but get mad at the adults who popularized this narrative and the isolation this kind of thinking created. its so messed up to tell that to 13 year olds figuring shit out for the first time who are already often extremely vulnerable and depressed its like. Okay so youre telling a depressed teenager that life doesnt get better and that you only deserve to transition is youre in horrific agonizing dysphoria 24/7.... like i dont know how you do that and be liek Ahaha look at me one of the good ones....

i also think too like back to the isolation piece.. when you are jumping down the throat of other trans people in a weak effort to be the most normal and valid and socially acceptable "one of the good ones" people obviously you cant empathize with people with different experiences from you... which in turn would have caused you to realize whats wrong with this kind of thinking in the first place.

idk. ive been thinking a lot about it recently because i feel like it still has its tendrils in me in terms of how i approach gender nonconformity + how like ashamed i used to feel for wanting to dress feminine sometimes lol now that im around trans people that are normal about this stuff BECAUSE they didnt absorb it im like Wow this did really bad stuff to my brain at a really tender time in my development and absolutely wrecked the friendships i had at the time with other trans people LOL

i think it's easy to look at it as an online discourse of yesteryear instead of like a genuinely harmful ideology that veryyyy much went along with other right wing/alt right rabbit hole shit. its really bad + the way that some people talk about it its clear to see that they don't see the genuine harm it caused/causes like. Guys i dont think this was a quirky phase i think you need to actually deconstruct your preconceived notions of the gender binary and abandon your obsession with optics in order to be normal about this for real

[muddymiddle]

about /byf/dni

ABOUT ME

hi >:3 im luke and this is my age regression + dreaming blog!!! im transmasc and use he/him pronouns but meow/meows are okay when im Kitty or in a therioshift. im adhd and likely autistic and im in college which is very stressful. used to have a lotta mental illness but im mostly better now.

i have a partner but she isnt a caregiver i dont need one.

im 21 years old physically as of writing this but i have two regressive states: an older little (8-10) and a middle/teen (12-15). i regress + dream for comfort mostly (and trauma but thats my beeswax) but im always childish even when im big!! its just a chance to let myself fully embrace that side of myself. i also become a kitty sometimes but i dont rlly consider that “regression” since... i had to have been a kitty sometime in this life for that word to make sense but i am a domestic cat therian. 

my agere is not sexual. im not into cgl scene because having that sort of parental relationship makes me uncomfortable and i dont think childhood/childishness or familial dynamics should have a place in sexual or romantic contexts. but i know that cgl is not the same as sexualizing real children and can be okay if done safely n healthily. that bein said if ur blog is cgl-heavy pls dont follow but i wont block u unless i think youre weird

i HATE the lacey/pastel/cutesy aesthetic of most agere and get SO MAD that all the content out there is for either feminine kiddos or toddlers and babies. im here to make myself a corner of the internet where MY liddlespace is for ME. do NOT talk to me like a baby or call me special things - im too big for that and only my partner is allowed to give me special names.

when im 8-10 i like: - YUGIOH AND POKEMON!!! - cartoons that arent for babies, like ben 10 - mud, dirt, sticks, rocks, and bugs - building forts and climbing trees and playing outside - gross stuff like boogers and mold - nerf guns/swords, lightsabers, and other kids toy weapons - dinosaurs and dragons! (my fave is the ankyolosaur) - toys, plushies, action figures, tech decks - making comics like captain underpants          and im usually very happy n excitable and reckless and get lots of scrapes. i HATE VEGETABLES and i WILL NOT go to bed on time!! 

when im 12-15 i like: - alt/punk/skater aesthetic and music - early 2000s internet aesthetic - making inappropriate jokes and giggling about it for too long - reading manga/watching anime, mostly shounen - prince stuff / kodona fashion - pranks, spitballs, stinkbombs, etc - being obnoxious on purpose - going on adventures!!               and im snippier and annoying and like to push peoples limits and i HATE grownups cause they NEVER LISTEN!!!!!

when im Kitty i like: - playing with strings, mice, or laser pointer - play hunting - napping in my cave or a box - knocking things off tables - climbing anywhere i can - FISH - kneading, purring, headbutting, and biting my loved ones                    im usually very self centered and think i am the bestest and smartest creature ever and i demand pets NOW

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

dont interact if you: (nonbold means u can follow if u dont post abt it, bold means DONT FOLLOW UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES)

- are racist, MAGA, alt-right, xenophobic, white supr3macist, neon@zi, antisemitic, islamophobic, etc - are homophobic, transphobic, biphobic, lesbophobic, or LGBTphobic in any other way (you can have your opinions on LGBT discourse but if you are anti-LGBT go away) - pro harmful paraphilia (infanto/pedo/hebe/ephebo/zoo) - ship incestuous or adult/minor ships - pro non-harmful paraphilia (plusho/objectum/etc) - nsfw blog (occasional is fine)  - cgl/ddlg/ageplay as a kink, even “sfw” (i cant tell u what to do but it makes me uncomfy. petplay is fine i dont consider them related at all) - anti otherkin/therian/fictionkin (u can have your opinion just dont post hate)

if you pass all those just know before you follow:

- i swear and make naughty jokes sometimes when im middle, but ill tag everything - i picture myself as an anime catboy esp from like, rlly bad middle school shoujo - if youre biologically a minor pls dont follow me - reblogs/likes/asks are fine - im not cringe youre cringe

[loveisurvival]

Do i have to block if I don’t think chihiro’s transfem? (Im a transmasc chihiro truther & i have a lot of love in my heart). You seem really cool and id love to follow you :[

no, you dont have to block as this is the internet and you can pretty much do whatever you want. the reason I used the word block in my rentry is because I know people on here can get pretty mad over chihiro gender discourse and I thought that it'd be easier to just suggest that people who disagree can block me instead of trying to fight me.

you can follow me, but I probably wont follow back since it makes me uncomfortable. but you live your life! I don't care what you do as long as you don't fight others okay. that's stupid and not gentlemanly.

[slaughterwrites]

You can have the match-up result for any of the fan bases, as I know the ones you can write for :]!

I'm 5'0" and transmasc dark brunette. I guess I'm just naturally paranoid but defensive but I can get very loud and protective of those I care for despite me normally being avoidantance and anxious.

I'm also southern, right from Texas :0 is this how you do a Match-up I've never done one before AAAA- -🐏

Okay sooo can you maybe do a more detailed one? Im feel like i dont have alot to work with BTWW Im not mad so sorry if my tone seems like that💔

[dirt-str1der]

Awesome amazing sexy trans thoughts on polycombat? (I am sucking up to u rn)

SDFKBFHIDSYF HI Get off anon so we can kiss !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no idea what poly combat is but im going to assume its madness "gaysex" combat's one and only au where the dissenters are so in love

Now i know youve noticed that everyone in madcom is trans but especially doc and sanford their tboy swag levels are off the fucking charts. But also san met 2b when he was pretty young so when doc was like huh ? Oh yeah i can hook you up on T he was like WHAT !!!!!!!!!! And doc is like yeah lol i do top too , and san was like @_@ !!!!!!

Also i like to think that dei (being their most recent member) literally didnt realise that 2b was trans until he just .. forewent wearing his binder one day and dei was like ........ DID YOU ALWAYS HAVE TITS ? AM I CRAZY ? And sanford was like DEI YOURE BEING SO RUDE RIGHT NOW , and 2b was like why're you looking ? :smirk:

Anyway being transmasc and nb isnt easy but thank god hank is king gendered and can do anything. I wanna believe deimos and them didnt get along at first because they first thought he was too shy, then they thought he was too annoying so... huh , they still dont get along BUT they hang out to watch tv together and m-maybe c-c-c-cuddle. Deimos is very good at reading hanks body cues unlike san who treats hank like their beloved pet tiger (San: Why are you looking at me hank .... are you hungry ? | Hank: O_O) , but he uses it for evil because and only tells the worst fucking jokes to try and make hank cringe

Im not even gonna extrapolate on sanmos theyre literally married in canon and this carries over faithfully. This is getting long so more under cut

This is a bonus but because i have a policy (2b is nevadas most overworked bicycle) he and jeb have an on off thing going on because hes jebs t dealer but they also think each other insufferable but they still go out sometimes because sometimes you really cant control which dipshit you get attracted to. Like yeah if 2b calls him up because he needs him for a job jeb will come running but it will NOT stop him from berating doc for his fucked up and unethical experiments the whole time and 2b is like we had sex before marriage we're both going to hell fuckass

2b's feelings on the auditor are complicated because on one hand seven foot tall flaming demon but on the other hand .... "my ex was actually unbearable BEFORE she transitioned i just stuck around because the dick was insane". Hes like youd be appealing if you stopped trying to kill me right after flirting and shes like ^_^ ok next time i will just kill you on the spot okay?

San and dei share the strap

I have a lot more to say but this is absolutely going to delve into me writing about 2bs extremely complicated relationship with the rest of the cast but i WILL tell you this: he and hank are qpps

[gayspock]

OK assorted black sails thoughts bc i didnt wanna make a billion individual posts

- first of all i find starz funny bc for real i swear ive never freaking heard of it before, except for torchwood: miracle day which.... literally i never finished but thats a whole ramble for another time (bc despite torchwood being VERY bumpy, i found a lot of value in it, but miracle day was just. give us nothing! to me...help)

- the women on the show are kind of a shame i mean. im not fuming its more of a (dejected sighhhh) lies back do you know what i mean bc its hardly worse than anything else but help... theyre all gorgeous models thus far do you know what i mean. i dont know. i think its just odd sometimes to look at it when the men are all fucking foul looking, mucky type of guys (<3!) and then the girlies are just like hiii<3 like okay LOL. max is rlly pretty tho (as is the lass in the hat- whose name i didnt atch..) so i shant be mad but its also likehelp... even just an OLDER? woman. not even one? sniffy sniffy? okayyy i'll settle

- the gentleman do have some wonderful haircuts i will say. rackham's stoner transmasc that hangs about in unique trousers round the back of spoons.... i mentioned it already but help. your rat tail... and flints pathetic and limp little ponytail. shrimptastic it is.... and johnny silver. (twirls his hair for him)

- INTRO ALSO FUCKS LIKE MAD BTW.

- i love a woman with daddy issues. i cant relate to any of them. not to eleanor, or to shiv or helena or any of the fine women with father problems despite having many of my own. but its very fun to watch them. like girlies (twirls my hair) just give him a slap.... who cares<3

- btw im screaming... john is sooo funny. what a silly little guy. i think hes going to get himself killed he is like a looney tunes character who should have been dead 5 scenes ago but he keeps defying all sense and falling pianos. the very definition of a rapscallion. he is a problem to us all

- whent hey just state their names and theit ships at each other. okay so cute girlies i bet you'd write that in your tinder bios huh<3?

- also i know i keep mocking and also fawning over flints stupid little ponytail but i think he for real deserves long gorgeous beautiful hair. like it would only make sense.

- theres so many guys in here from other things but only a little bit. i know i mentioned billy bones (SO FUNNY STILL) who keeeepsss following me but everyone else is sorta recogniseable. charles was in the 100 ik this. but like hi eeryone hii LOL

- "however what?" "however let me tell you a story. about a spaniard named vazquez." I THINK FLINT LITERALLY SAYS THIS HENEVER ANYHTING AWKWARD HAPPENS TO HIM. I THINK HE LITERALLY DROPS AND SMASHES A PLATE IN IKEA AND THEY COME OVER TO HIM AND HE JUST SAYS LET ME TELL YOU A STORY. I THINK THEY CATCH HIM NICKING 5P BAGS FROM TESCO AND HES LIKE HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT A GENTLEMAN VAZQUEZ. I THINK, PERHAPS, FLINT WOUL HIT SOMEONE WITH A CAR UNDER THE INFLUENCE. AND SIMPLY SAY THE URCA DE LIMA.............. IT WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSURANCE. GOD.

- also i dont know treausre island that well . do you guys think itd be worth a read at some point. not even wrt the show here just idk ik these guys are those guys <3

- i will say also tho btw. u know that reminds me of. i love it when ppl get rlly mad abt, like, funny re-imaginings of old stories, myth and folklore like this. SORRY. JUST SAYING. i remember of all the issues there were bbc merlin, ppl fucking fuming bc it disgraces arthurian legend. girlie i dont think colin morgan made patheitc little fuck me eyes for 5 seasons for authenticity.

- speaking of. sir percival billy bones is so funny. its like theyre keeping him around just to take the piss of their big strapping guy arent they.

- i also love gates. one like to slap his bald head

- ANNE? IS THAT HER NAME? I WANT HER CREEPY CRAWLY PUSSY SO BADLY. i realise thats her name. i think. shes also like... insanely fucking hot. im like obsessed with her a bit. its the hat. and the voice. i would not give a shit otherwise- i do admit.

- ALSO: THE SEX WORKERS AT THIS PORT ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE WITH ANY FUCKING COMPETENCE.

- I KNOW I KEEP GOINGON ABTO HIS HAIR BUT T. THE VERY DEFINITION OF T BOY SWAG I TBHINK IM ABOUT TO PUKE

- NO WAY NO WAYYYY HE STINKS OF WEED SO BAD

- RIGHT UH- this is one of the issues of just putting uncollected thoughts into a post like this, ehrm. im approaching the scene i was warned about

- i had a feeling.... with vane. i was worried he was going to force himself on eleanor after the warnings- because certainly, his character is portrayed in a particular way thus far, to the point where it was like... well had i not been warned, i wouldnt think it, but yeah. ehrm. i guessed.. him - or at least, he would have sth to do with it, as he has here- but god. i forgot about max and i was just thinking: they wouldnt let her go, surely that makes no sense with how early we are into the show, unless its one of THOSE shows where characters are brought in and out like theres a fucking rotating door, with no rhyme or reason- but no ehrm.. yeah. :(

- and now jesus. eleanor girlie i know he ha slong hair but jesus dont just mount him cmon... cmon!!

- sighhh... ok!! end of ep 3. really sombre way to end but <3 there we go... I'LL drop this now. idk if i'll watch more tonight orrrr wht! :3 love and light

[polyamorouspunk]

topic: transmasc lesbians? i see a lot of people online saying "you can't be transmasc and a lesbian" but i mean historically there's been a lot of overlap between butch lesbians and trans men and like if you've identified as a lesbian for 20 years before realizing you're actually transmasc it might feel weird to call yourself straight after that yknow? im just saying gender/sexuality is complex and they dont exist in a void and it makes me angry when ppl pretend they do

It is! Gender is fluid! Sexuality is fluid! And people will be like yeah yeah and then you say something like that and they’re like wait no-

There’s a right way to be queer-

And that ain’t it chief-

Which is bullshit you know.

People be like pronouns don’t equal gender and then if someone who IDs as a girl uses He/Him they’re like wait no that’s not the right was to be queer.

People will be like “I ID with two terms so I’m going to combine them” and people will be like that’s not how words work like ready? Because I just used the word “they’re” which is a combination of 2 words-

And like people will be like “Lesbian has always included nonbinary people” like some lesbians won’t dump their partner after they come out as nonbinary or trans... like that’s why terms like bi lesbian exist...

Also who cares? It really doesn’t effect you.

“If men think lesbians are attracted to women then they’ll use that as an excuse” no men are going to use any excuse whether or not it’s that and also stop blaming other women for shitty men.

“Your gender is why people don’t take my gender seriously” no it’s not? There are plenty of people who are accepting of trans without accepting things like “star gender” even within the queer community? Even some people in the community are transphobic and won’t accept your trans gender?

“These identities are harmful” people having fun with “made up genders” to call themselves similar to making up a nickname for yourself is harmful?

“You need to go outside no one in the real world is going to call you those things” and I’m not expecting them to?

I mean really if you explain to the random stranger on the street that you’re a transmasc lesbian they’re just going to be like okay? I don’t care? Or they’ll ask and you explain and they’re like okay cool and move on with their life. People are a lot more accepting than you would think, that, or they know how to keep their fucking mouths shut and not be fucking rude about it? Like normal people? Don’t bully others for kicks? Most people are naturally kind? I’m sorry that’s hard for exclusionists to understand because they always want to be the victim while also blaming other members of their community for the outside oppression they face (victims blaming).

People be like “stop using out words” and then we make our own and they call them fake and tell them that we just need to use their words for ease....

Gender and sexuality aren’t a science they’re a social construct. They’re imaginary. You cannot hold them in your hand. It’s just not that hard to respect that people have different experiences? Like just because you don’t experience something and you can’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t real to someone else. Idk man. Stop blaming other people for your problems. Words are not perfect. Either people get mad because terms like “lesbian” are too broad and so we use them or they’re not broad enough and so we make more and they’re like no that’s too complicated now why can’t you just use lesbian. Also historical context? None.

Anyway this blog supports “contradictory” (not contradictory) identies like “bi lesbian” or “transmasc lesbian” or “nonbinary male” or “genderqueer guy” etc.

[burningdownthehousecomic]

my chats don’t work and there’s no ask option. also, i don’t want to come off anon because im a terrible person who is also a coward and can’t bring myshellf to, :(

deep sigh. make it 5 ko-fis then.

okay the thing is we have to draw a line in the sand between trans masc roxy before and after the epilogues. i don’t care about transmasc roxy pre-epilogues. it is literally less than nothing to me. and it’s fine if it’s not nothing to you, because we are different people and we don’t have to like the same things? but to me, it’s the kind of thing you find on a kinnie’s blog and ignore it because they are a single kinnie and who cares.

post-epilogues is a different story. 

the epilogues are really the defining factor here - transmasc roxy is something i didnt get before the epilogues in the same vein as transmasc vriska or jade or any other trans woman-coded character being read as transmasc. i still don’t get it, but in the past it was whatever, i dont care. project if you want. i don’t have to see it and i don’t have to have to expose myself to it to get to the parts i care about.

because the epilogues were written in a way where they almost deliberately alienated trans women, by treating jade as a sex pest in both routes to the point where callie-jade’s introduction in homestuck^2 was “thank god she’s not horny”, and also making her textually a woman with a dick wrt “fusing with bec” (canonizing a fan trope that trans women put a lot of work into actively reclaiming from people making futa porn and simmering it down into a gentle trans woman headcanon, thanks v)as well as erasing roxy’s existing trans woman coding for a cis narrative in candy and a transmasc narrative in meat, that erasure of a trans woman with trans coding, adopted by trans women as an icon, is inescapable. and its met with applause, you know?  

and if you’re coming into my inbox like “roxy is a canon trans man” (despite, you know, canon being fake post-epilogues. die mad about your noncanon trans man headcanon) then its very easy to tell which side of the coin you fall on, and its the one where the trans woman gets stabbed at the end! but psych, luck doesn’t matter, that trans woman was always going to get stabbed. 

it’s especially worth comparing the plot line in eridan’s pesterquest route to meat roxy - maybe i’m surrounding myself with trans women but legit there were more people trying to spin eridan having gender identity issues into a transmasc narrative despite it being pretty clearly recuperation of the march eridan transmisogyny than there were people even acknowledging meat roxy. 

people only really care about meat roxy to the extent that they’re representation, very few people actually liked transmasc roxy before the epilogues and again, it’s fine. but meat roxy is like. actually bad enough that it has alienated trans women who identified with roxy since their reveal in the comic from themselves to the extent that i’d need both hands to count the number of people who’ve self-harmed over losing this vector of self-identification.

a server i’m on mostly populated by homestuck kin trans women went from 4 bespoke roxies to none in just a few months, and its effects on trans women are real and as you can see by the notes on that post, it’s brought about hostility towards trans women and like. i am not asking for money as a joke, it is legitimately exhausting to deal with.  

if you want to fight me about this send an ask to @thevriscourse because i have a comic to run i don’t want shitty dudes overrunning my art posts

[spacephant0m]

cw for personal talk about religion/spirituality and trying to find myself. Srry for typos

I’m in my room on the verge of tears and switching between crying and having a blank stare, watching brendon’s livestream on my ipad while i type this. I’m trying to study witchcraft to some extent as I’ve never really read much of anything about it before. Specifically I was reading about christian witches. Now the thing is like, i grew up as a christian. And nowadays i still believe in God definitely, but i hate christian practices. I remember reading and studying world religions in college last year and absolutely loving it and being so sad because i never experienced such practices in my own faith that actually seemed..... like, fun, and super connective. Me bawling my eyes out at church camp and being “lost” was not exactly what i originally thought it was. I was just mentally ill and didnt know it. Deep down i always knew i had a connection with God that wasnt faltering over silly shit a kid does wrong. Kid sins. Whatever the fuck. As much as i fucken prayed and asked for forgiveness, i was fine. Christianity is always a race to be closer to God and its like.... how close can i get when im doing the same fucking exact practices over and over.... they never really taught us about meditation and becoming one with your surroundings and idk, letting your spirit free. They kind of talked about it sometimes.

But i just hate the entire setup of church. I miss the family aspect so much. Thats all i miss. I miss bible study but really i just miss the points where we talked about life. Thats usually what we did, we would have an entire lesson setup and it would become totally derailed by our conversations. And it was real and i had a sense of community that i cant get anywhere else. I havent been able to find it anywhere else. But i also miss my personal sense of spirituality. I love that word and i love that it has so many encapsulating meanings. I dont wanna be like a white man self acclaimed guru who’s like read this book it’ll help you change your life....... i feel like those guys really appropriate culture and commercialize it. Its kinda gross. I try not to associate myself with that idea but every time i think about meditating more and shit im like “ew im gonna be a gross white guy whos all at peace w himself and lives in the mountains and shit” AND IT MAKES ME MAD. I’m having a beer right now instead of a cup of tea. Probably a mistake. Tea helps me feel better but im filling my body w shit at the moment bc thats what happens when i get this sad.

Anyways i really hate the idea of practicing a religion. I made a post before asking for sort of an advice on this, like was it okay for me to like witchy things and not actually be one. I was told yes its totally okay. And im not disrespectful of anyone and i dont make fun of any religion. I just persoaally cannot see myself involved with having an actual religion. I dont even consider myself christian so how could i ever proclaim myself as a christian witch, idk.

I dont want to label myself at all. Maybe i dont need any of this. Maybe i just need to play dnd and live vicariously thru my character. Use that shit as therapy. I hear it helps a lot with mental health and social skills. That of which i am verily lacking. I’m just hurting and im pissed off. I dont know why exactly. I just want to do meditation and i wanna buy my crystals and start doing yoga again. This year i have been stretching more. Actually i started on the first of feb. i stretch every day and do vocal exercises to help my voice get more control and deepen it a bit (transmasc).

I am also just a bit overwhelmed at everything. I dont know where to start. All i know is i want to burn incense like i used to growing up bc it always made me happy. And that i only believe in like..... cleansing through these elements and a prayer to God. But i’ve always had faith issues because im so insecure, i never think God will actually help me because maybe i dont deserve it or maybe he just doesnt want to.

I’m also scared im gonna do something wrong or fuck something up. That something bad will happen or something because im dumb. I dont know if i could mix my own herbs that feel right to me, or if i should use a recipe. I feel stupid that i dont have as much faith in prayer as i wish i did, but i have faith that little rocks will help to cleanse negative energy and things like that.

I dont know why im crying, i guess because im so insecure? Or maybe life is just rly hard and i’m overthinking everything. I just feel kinda bad. Yet when my friends tell me theyre praying for me, i do have faith in that and it means the world to me.

I know none of this is a big deal to anyone, and maybe none of it should matter. But im like. Idk. Im very interested in plants and medicines of the earth and shit like i always have been ever since i was young i thought of myself as like. Awakened and shit LOL whatever that means @ 10 year old me. I dont want to feel like anything controls me or owns me, i want to feel like i am in control of my own life and that i could harness the energy around me to not only like bring me peace of mind but to help me through my journey of life.

But i guess my biggest issue is i have no fuckin clue where to start. I hate reading and all this research im trying to do to help myself figure out what i enjoy is just. Making me so fucken overwhelmed. I only read like. 1 blog post and 2 articles and im already losing it. I always grew up w the mindset that God will take care of everything but like. He already has. In my mind. Because he’s already given us all the tools we need. But folks just like. Wanna be lazy and wait for things to happen. Sometimes all u can do is wait but when it comes to like, being THE ONES IN CONTROL, “prayers for america” is dumb as fck.

Idk i dont know anything and its okay to not know right now but i want something more in my life but i want it to be like.... totally personal and i dont want it to be absolutely everything my life revolves around. I want it to just be something i do and that i love. I dont need a label for it. But idk. I just dont know what to do.

If anyone has any sort of advice or is dealing with anything like this i’d love to hear about it. My ask and msgs are open as well. I feel pretty alone right now. Im just patiently waiting for my paycheck tomorrow so i can buy these crystals i rly want. But who knows what it will take to satisfy my hungry soul.

Another problem i rly have honestly is just like. Spending a lot of money on a lot of hobbies. I feel shitty for having so many things i enjoy doing. I try to narrow it down. I havent started embroidery bc i dont wanna spend more money and i feel like i’ll never have enough time to practice. Im just. Mediocre at a lot of things instead of rly super good at one thing. I mean i think im pretty great at drawing but thats about it. But ive been doing that for 10 years so ofc im good at it NOW. But ffs. I wanna do so many things and its overwhelming. I work a minimum wage job and its. I dont have enough money for anything lol so most of my stuff is low-budge† which is fine i guess but. Idk. Im tired. Im sad.

I dont know how to be more spiritual i dont know where to start. And my mind is telling me to slap a label on it or its not anything of value. Which is bullshit. But y’know. Anxiety n shit.

[snifferz]

reminder!

the term sysmedicalist is taken from 'transmedicalist', essentially a form of radical trans 'activism' that tends to exclude those who dont have dysphoria or arent medically transitioned + have very strict views on who is an isnt trans, views are typically false etc.

its. really bad! and we probably should not take this fucking term to use for discourse of something that is completely based around medical stuff, having a disorder is medical, being trans is not.

by using the term, its p transphobic and it makes me rlly uncomfortable (im transmasc and gnc, weve been through our fair share of harsh treatment from transmeds before and have been called all sorts of shit).

juuust gonna say those who are 'endo' bc they just dont remember their trauma thats like. fine. comes with the disorder.

in anons case its... systems that dont have osdd/did, dont have trauma but somehow split alters which requires trauma or stress of some kind. yall shouldnt claim terms from the disorder's community and try to enter spaces alongside those with osdd/did when you... dont have them. you... cant understand what someone with osdd or did is going through and cant put yourself into their spaces as you dont belong there. equally, when people arent okay with you in their community for that reason, *you probably shouldnt yell at the people with the disorder that you know you dont have and therefore shouldnt join in with their community as youre just... bothering people. or stressing people out.*

isnt system literally a term for people w the disorder. like if you dont have it why are you claiming you have alters and a system and using our role things etc. am i missing something here.

like please stop giving people with osdd and did grief.

(i have said dni and somehow i still get angry asks from anons who are too much of a pussy to show their users lol, like ive not gone through all this shit just for yall to make a mockery out of it and then get mad when people call you out for it. it just makes the shit people go through to develop a disorder like this look silly

reiterating myself, a childhood trauma disorder that causes dissociation and splitting requires trauma and dissociation

the floors made out of floor here. )

im so sorry this has hadmy mind going for like an hour and its making feel sickly

anyways you don't need trauma to be plural. trauma is only required for DID/OSDD-1, and endogenic systems aren't claiming to have that. stop parroting sysmedicalist misinformation please and thank you

1 - anon. i said dni? like kindly fuck off?? :) - sonic

2 - a system is the result of osdd or did, whichequires trauma.. im very much awaratsall are claiming you dont have trauma and... thats literally required?? for the brain to split alters, you need to go through severe stress or trauma from a young age which then develops no?? something that fucking awful happens to you and your body can't handle it, therefore alters are formed.

3 - please for the love of god do not misuse trans terms, being trans is not a medical thing whereas a medical disorder such as osdd or did which is THE ROOT OF BEING A SYSTEM is an inherantly medical thing?? its... why you get diagnosed with these things and its listed as a disorder when ur body has to split alters due to the severity of what youve gone through? sysmed = ... someone who believes a medical disorder is medical?

[dreamnatural]

going with this one for reasons of prev rb having personal ramblings

so transmasc enby Michael. this is basically me projecting so hard onto this AU Michael, they projected back at me.

but also some clarification on this AU and also some ramblings about it:

Michael, Lucifer, Raphael and Gabriel are NOT archangels here

the archangels are (in order of age, not role. more on that in a sec): Israfel, Uriel, Haniel and Anael

Israfel is the oldest but is in Lucifer's role as the devil (mainly bc corrupted healers scare the SHIT out of me). Healer = Raphael counterpart

Uriel is Michael's counterpart in leader of Heaven. them and Israfel are twins

Haniel is Raphael's counterpart in he's the archangel who stays (otherwise he's Lucifer's counterpart)

Anael (Anna) is Gabriel's counterpart, runaway archangel, trickster, etc

Michael and Lucifer are still angels but end up abandoning Heaven after Cain and Abel. Michael + Lucifer being their guardian angel's respectively

side not: Chuck is less "manipulative abusive narcissist" in my AUs and more "absent and neglectful and bad at relationships" so Chuck's not pulling strings to make the Winchesters lives hell

eventually Michael + Lucifer end up falling and get born as Mary and John's twin kids (bc someone has a sense of humor)

Adam, Sam and Dean are angels, Dean/Diniel pulls Michael from Hell

Adam is in Anna's place as fallen angel

Cas is human and also Jess' cousin

Jess lives because yes.

depending on if its normal Different Archs or the offshoot where Michael retires from hunting before getting dragged back in

if its normal, Lucifer goes off to college to study chemistry or something

if its the Michael Retires, Michael gets out of hunting due to anger problems

tbh this fics probably gonna be in that one bc the gay happens earlier

I am, unfortunately, a fan of angels being siblings.

WHICH. MY THOUGHTS ON THAT

so i have angels being made in like. Batches. and these are BIG batches. up to 1 trillion in a single batch

so angels in a batch will consider each other siblings but other batches are more like. coworkers or cousins at most

except for the archangel batch (4 angels) and the batch right after, aka the proto batch. a batch of ~100 angels

Sam, Dean and Adam are in that one. same with Michael, Lucifer and Raphael

those two batches, by virtue of being the oldests, are the Big Siblings

i got off topic

RIGHT

so I have Cas (in the normal ones where he's an angel) also being in the second batch but the very tail end of it. sometimes. idk

so he's gotta be human bc I'm not doing angelc*st. can't turn off the headcanon they're siblings sorry

which also rules out Midam. sorry

which. to be honest. i don't actually. ship? like I GET the appeal. i understand WHY. it just doesn't. appeal to me for them. like the dynamic is great but i just. dont ship it

i respect you guys though <3 keep doing your thing <3

but Gabriel takes Adam's place as half-sibling

why did i start this list

oh right

okay so. me projecting onto Michael

means if. IF. bc i don't know where the fics going to go story wise

its not going to be Mary friendly on the trans part. bc surprise. im also partly projecting my issues with my parents here

it'll also be more. john friendly than I'm usually like. canon john can eat it <3

different archs John had to choose between being a partially decent parent or probably losing one or both kids young because one's basically a mad scientist who think explosives are fun and the other has a fascination with fire and some Bad anger problems

im aware its ooc for him but thats the way the story decided to go with him. he's not great by any means but he's forced into getting partly decent bc his kids are feral little bastards and should be kept away from fire

also michael/cain

i love it and i refuse to feel bad about it

also Abel's alive in this universe

because Michael and Lucifer are batshit and bring him back

what else

oh yes

major OC characters (duh)

Boogeyman lady who probably won't show up too much in the trans Michael oneshot (if only bc i want to keep her plot twists quiet until I get Role Swap up) but i love Ella

and most of the minor characters who get killed off, i don't do that <3

and also ive only seen up to season 6 i think. idk.

alright this got long, sorry. enjoy some ramblings i guess lol

what if. i wrote a one shot about transmasc michael. that may or may not have some projecting regarding periods and an uncomfortable relationship with the concept of pregnancy