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#don't worry she gets a happy ending
beloveddawn-blog · 3 months
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Muppet (A Christmas Rescue)
I'm feeling a bit melancholy and sentimental due to my period so I wrote up the story of how my Gandparents ended up with the only dog they owned that was actually lap sized and absolutely useless for farm work. This was finished in an hour and has been slightly dramamtized due to the POV, but I like it. Names have been changed where applicable.
Warnings: animal abuse, mentions of trauma responses, death mentions, hypothermia
Words: 1500
COLD!
It was all she could feel, deep down in her bones. Deep down in her soul. An all consuming, leeching, damning cold.
But it was still better than Before.
It had been one moment of inattention, one moment of stupid courage, and she had run. Out the door, down the steps, and into the howling snow. Away. She could hear him, the worst one, screaming after her but unwilling to actually follow without being prepared for the biting Northern winter.
“Die out there, you stupid bitch!” He called after her, and she cowered even as she fled. “Good riddance!”
Perhaps she would. Perhaps all her life would boil down to suffering and death and never knowing why. Why was she so cursed, when others like her were so happy? Why was she hated, even as she was coveted?
Why was it always her?
*
There was nothing outside to eat. It was the deepest, darkest part of winter, and beyond that she had never been taught how to get her own food. What little she had been allowed had been grudgingly given by his hand. The pain in her stomach distracted her from the numbness in her feet, but it didn’t actually make her feel any better. A scent caught her attention then, one she was passingly familiar with. Food. Not the cold, hard stuff she was given, but rich and warm and meant for special occasions. She drifted towards it, finally having a goal in her bleak existence. Even if she never got there, at least there was a direction. It was more than she’d ever had to go on before. She would head towards it, and she’d either find it or die. It was out of her control now.
*
The sun set, and the cold settled in even harder.
She trudged on.
*
When she finally reached the house she thought her mind was playing tricks on her. It had been so long and all she’d had to follow was that maddening, hated, LOVED scent… And now she was here, at a place she’d never actually expected to find. She circled it warily, knowing all too well that those rough, masculine voices coming from the building meant nothing but pain for her if she was discovered. She was hoping to find either some trash or an open door she could slink through, but there was nothing. Nothing but that delicious smell wafting through the one cracked open window, whisked off to areas unknown and buoyed on the sounds of violence coming from within. She’d never heard so much yelling! Normally it was just one voice, just his, but this house had multiple yelling people!
She considered reaching out anyway, getting their attention and taking her chances, Before she had thought nothing could be worse than the pain and misery of her previous home… but she didn’t want to die. And she was. She was getting slower, her mind was getting slower, her voice didn’t work and her limbs just swatted uselessly at the walls, unable to even generate a sound.
There were some steps around the other side that lead up to a door. She couldn’t use it but there was shelter there, of a sort, tucked into the recess with the wooden slab. Some warm air leaked out around it and the house itself blocked the worst of the wind and snow.
She huddled up there, tucked into herself in as small a ball as she could manage, and waited.
Surely death would not take too long.
Surely.
*
There was a sudden blast of warm air and a jostle as the door swung open. Someone far too energetic tripped over her, just a little, but she couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped her. She was so cold that everything ached, and every little movement felt like burning needles jabbing in and leaving more cold behind.
“What the…?” Came a soft, young voice, and she gave a startled, wheezy yelp as she was picked up. “A dog?”
Suddenly they were in the house and moving way too fast and the young person was yelling and people were gathering…
“Dad! Dad! Dad! There was a dog outside! Dad, a dog!”
“It’s probably one of the neighbour’s is all. Grandma can call around and figure it out.”
“Are you sure that’s a dog? It looks like a pile of snow.”
“Of course it’s a dog, do you need even thicker glasses you…”
“ENOUGH.” Came the bellow that caused all the other voices to fall silent. Even the two males who had been fighting earlier and started up again as soon as she arrived cut off mid insult. “I have had it with your fighting! Make yourselves useful. You go get me your Grandpa’s clippers, and you go get me some lukewarm water. I’m not sure if this is a rat or a bush under this snow, but it’s not going to survive if it stays caked like this. We need to warm it up.” It was a gruff voice, with no trace of warmth to be found, but the hands that wrapped entirely around her body and lifted her away from her saviour were gentle, so very gentle. “Eileen, go get me a blanket. We’re going to get fur everywhere if we don’t have anything to catch it.”
He was softer then, but his voice still carried complete authority. That didn’t stop the girl who found her from whining at him.
“But Dad, why can’t Alan do it? I don’t wanna leave the dog, it’s scared!”
“Because Alan threw his boots on to go finish your chore, brat. It’s not like you brought in firewood.” There was a clatter of what was probably wood hitting the floor as a new voice joined in, this one full of good humour. “I’m gonna go grab some more. We’ll need it if we’re trying to warm up that puddle there. Put this away once you get that blanket for Dad. The best thing you can do for the dog now is help.”
The girl gumbled but obeyed, and she was suddenly left alone with the owner of that gruff, commanding voice. She shrunk back, wincing as he tugged futilely at the heavy snowpack mats in her hair. He gave up after a moment, seeming to notice he was doing more harm than good. “It’ll all have to come off, mutt.” He told her, carefully arranging her on the blanket his daughter had finally returned with. “We can’t warm you up with your fur in the way. Not fast enough, at any rate. Don’t worry, we’ll bring you home in the car.” His manner was brusque and reserved as his sons began returning with their own requested items, but the hands that slowly stripped her coat from her remained kind even as they firmed to prevent her from wiggling. She gave a half-hearted growl as he approached areas that she suddenly remembered had hurt even before the cold, but all he did was move slower and more carefully as he cataloged the extent of her injuries.
“It looks like a muppet.” The cheerful voice remarked as he helped the gruff one move her around. “Specifically Animal. I wonder if it can play the drums.”
“She.” Replied that no-nonsense voice as he carefully shaved her belly.
“I wonder if she can play the drums.” The cheerful one corrected, only to jostle her slightly when one of the argumentative ones smacked his shoulder and groaned.
“HEY!” The gruff one bit out, causing the three youngest to jump. “I’m using trimmers on a very skittish animal right now, stop roughhousing. If you can’t behave you can go be useful. Get some water and leftovers from your mother. Soak some bread in the turkey grease and bring some shredded meat back. We’re going to start her on the bread and if she can stomach that move on to the meat.”
The young man in question did as he was asked, chastised and repentant. Everything fell silent then, save for the whir of the clippers. It was the cheerful one who spoke up next, his voice oddly solemn.
“We’re not going to look for the owners, are we?”
The gruff one grunted and the eldest youth continued. “I can see her ribs, Dad. We’re not giving her back, right.”
The clippers stilled for a moment. “She’s more bruise than dog. Anyone who wants this little rat back can speak with my shotgun.”
The girl whooped with excitement. “I’m getting a dog!” She bragged to the others, and the cheerful youth laughed mockingly at her.
“Don’t be ridiculous Eileen, you’re twelve and you have a horse to take care of. You aren’t getting a rat-poodle rescue mutt, Dad is.”
The gruff one stilled for a moment, then gave her a soft scratch behind one shaved ear. “I suppose I am.” He replied, the gentleness in his hands bleeding into his voice for the first time. “I suppose I am.”
@coffeeangelinabox @stesierra @squarebracket-trickster @acertainmoshke @evilgabe29 @minnieposting @leahnardo-da-veggie @the-ellia-west @slimylittlemaggot
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thorinlandscaping · 3 months
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waaaaa they took away my male lead in the Only Straights Show from 2-3 seasons from now and made him a girl for some sort of WOKE AGENDA they're changing my badly written misogynist book series woe is me we need more straight rep!!! this is because i like their story not for any other reason!!! i'm bi as well!!! more straight romance!!!! no nonconformity!!!! the books!!!!!!!
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desultory-novice · 2 months
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Apologies AU - Good Ending Drop
Hey, everyone. It was my goal to finish Apologies in tandem with the Tournament, but for health reasons, I won't be able to as I planned. Because I tied the story to the tournament and don't feel like untangling it again and making everyone wait more, I'm going to give you all the ending spoilers, as I promised I would if I became unable to finish the story.
What I'm about to describe is THE Good Ending. The True Ending I had planned out almost from the beginning!
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In the main-verse...
Susie, who sees too much of herself in Adeleine, decides to take matters into her own hands to bring the girl's older brother back.
She takes the vial of Dark Matter Swordsman DNA that was harvested from King Dedede. Meta Knight catches up with her and argues against it. It's foolish, dangerous, and liable to be nothing but painful to all parties involved. But Susie anticipated interference and asked Zan to bodyguard her. When Zan arrives (late) to the lab, the argument has caused the vial to begin to react to all the negativity in the room. Zan recognizes its contents as Dark Matter and insists on calling Lord Hyness, who in his own quirky way, analyzes their problem and suggests that while the contents are too weak to survive on their own, a resurrection could be possible, using Void's powers to mimic a hive queen, supplying whatever creature emerges the power to survive on Popstar without burning up into ash...
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In the tourney-verse...
White-Haired Noir is at peace with his life and has come to accept the death of his precious little sister many years ago, but...a part of him still wishes to make Adeleine happy.
Using his fairy-born dimension sight, he discovers an Alternate Noir who is 98% percent compatible with main-verse Noir. This is the Purgatory!Noir from the Re_Birthday post. And he drags this unstable, utterly clueless Noir out of this peaceful void without his permission and secretly "volunteers"  the massively confused, un-alive but un-dead teen boy for the Kirby OC Tournament.
It is White-Haired Noir that is the "good" voice on phone and in Noir's head, encouraging rationality. His goal? Get Noir some friends. Get him to face up to/open up to people about his past. And get him caring about his life enough that he wants to live...! 
White-Haired Noir has seen what the main-verse Star Allies are attempting and knows that the odds of them actually bringing "Noir" back instead of just an emotionless monster are low without a compatible "Noir Soul" (haha) to inhabit the new vessel.
Over the course of many in-tourney events, including Noir learning to have faith in the sibling bonds he built with Gooey despite being Dark Matter at the time, learning to separate himself and Adeleine as individuals instead of clinging to her to his own neglect, privately opening up to King Dedede, who put the pieces together post-possession, about some awful stuff Noir put up with for years in secret from Raquelle's father (who privately loathed Neichel AND her kids and took it out on Noir) to "pay" for Adeleine's good life...
And lastly, using the power of wishes to interrogate if THIS Noir's true wish is to die and be free, to have never been born, to have had a normal "perfect" life, or if he simply wishes for a second chance to be with those he cares about... White-Haired Noir determines that Tourney!Noir is ready and reveals his plan to him. Noir confesses to him that he really does want to live and be with his family again and offers up his stronger soul for Susie and the gang's vessel.
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Back in the main-verse...
The experiment is a success! They have brought, well, something back. It is not quite like Dark Matter Swordsman in form, nor is it exactly a human boy. It looks a little bit like a spiky haired-Gooey.
After some tense questioning of the emotionless, memoryless, unresponsive goo, it...suddenly seems to awaken. With the voice of a deeply shaken and scared young boy, the violet-eyed blob questions the mad scientist, cultists, and masked man surrounding him... Where the hell is he? And where are his little brother and sister?
Meta Knight welcomes Noir back to the world of the living.
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Later, after Noir has time to dress himself in an appropriate scarf, Adeleine and Gooey are brought in and it is a happy and tear-filled reunion all around as Noir confirms that, while this form is strange, it's not dangerous and he's not in pain. He is then re-introduced to King Dedede, whereupon it's revealed that even though Noir likes him, he's still a snarky teen punk at heart, as he sasses the king horribly. (Dedede has gained another kid, but at what cost? XD)
...And that's it.
That's the ending to Apologies I've held onto for nearly a year.
For reading through all that, here is a short comic I drew a while back of the reunited family having a snowball fight in White Wafers.
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(Not to unnecessarily over-explain the story but because the comic is a little vague, I have to tell you that no, Noir does not ever return to human after his revival. I meant it when I wrote in several places that their parting on Shiver Star was the last time they'd see each other "...in this form." This is merely meant to depict a moment in which Adeleine, seeing her brother alive and smiling and laughing and having real fun for the first time in so long, is able to imagine his old self smiling and is at peace that her brother is finally free from the hurt and misery he bore up with for so long.)
(...And yes, he has a long, silly tongue just like Gooey. Which is why he hides all but his eyes behind the scarf. Gotta keep up that cool older brother look even as a little goo creature! While Noir can't become human - frankly, he doesn't miss having a human body, given the stuff in his adolescence and being over-stressed, underfed, under-slept and just overall sick all the time in his later teens - he does eventually acquire the ability to shift into his old "Swordsman" form for short bursts of time.)
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(Lastly, you might wonder how I could have had this exact ending in mind from almost the beginning when so much of it is tied up in recent posts like the tourney? ...Well, originally what was going to happen to allow Noir to be properly resurrected into the Dark Matter Goo body is that the Dream Rod from Star Allies was going to appear in response to a grieving Adeleine's wishes to see her brother again, bringing Noir-as-Swordsman back. At least for a LITTLE while, as it would be revealed that with Zero dead, Noir, who was entirely composed of Dark Matter at this point, couldn't survive on Popstar. Every moment he was there, his body was burning.)
(Still, he lasts long enough to have one final talk with Adeleine that helps heal him from the torturous events of DL 3 - in which we learn a highly disappointed Zero drove Noir to the absolute breaking point, shattering his mind and his newly regained soul. Adeleine also tells Noir she has finally realized everything he did for her during their childhood and apologizes to him for not seeing it before. With dawn on the horizon, Noir asks to look over Adeleine's sketchbooks with her before the end... He dies one last time, peacefully, while Adeleine finally gets to properly mourn him.)
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(Then, all the "main-verse" sections proceed to happen as stated above!)
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(...Okay, okay. One last thing. There was also an alternate ending planned where Magolor, taking advantage of the fact that Merry Magoland was built on a nexus point, finds a way to reunite Adeleine and White-Haired Noir - still a teen in this version - using his theme park as a union point, as special birthday gift for Adeleine.)
(I was kinda fond of this one for reuniting the timelines, but it opened up a lot of questions such as, if Magolor made it so that Noir and Adeleine from two different dimensions can see each other as long as they're both in Magoland, could others from the WH Noir-verse see the main-verse this way? It invited too many questions, so that's why I scrapped that one and just let White-Haired Noir grow up instead.)
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#Apologies AU#Noir Fontaine#PS: going to be on posting hiatus for a bit#To make a long story short this is the fourth(?) time in a year I've had serious wrist pain. And it's BOTH wrists this time ._.#Possibly carpal or radial tunnel - which I don't want - so I'm cutting out all drawing and non-work writing for a few weeks#But I'm tired of the same ol' song and dance of putting the happy resolution off again and again and again...#...and I'm worried about getting distracted playing catch-up when I come back so ...You get the ending NOW!!#(Want to keep this post clean so all you get about the background stuff in Noir's adolescence is heavy context clues)#(Speaking of background things - after 02's destruction Raquelle's damaged soul is left wandering the void...#...she is salvaged by Drawcia who is herself part Dark Matter and has been 'repainting' discarded Dark Matter shells)#(Mistaking Raquelle's memories of '...girl...painting' (Adeleine before she was attacked) she assumes she is an artist and...#...makes her a brand new body out of the remaining dark matter and adopts her under the name (yes) 'Vividria.')#(Vividria and Ado meet in Star Allies and though Vivi has no memories they immediately become super close once more!)#(Adeleine doesn't know it's her but Noir will eventually put two and two together - though he doesn't press the issue)#(So yeah! Things basically end happily for most everyone!)#(As for Neichel and Rim they probably ARE watching from heaven - sorry Noir!! - and happy to see their kids happy!)
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nostalgia-tblr · 11 days
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one of my big cultural gaps is disney but i started typing out a beauty and the beast inspired thing anyway thinking well maybe if i dont know the story in its most popular form at least i might come up with something a wee bit different from other people doing it and then mine has a plot device a somewhat inaccurate painting as the basis on an agreement to marry and only now did i think 'fuck i've made him anne of cleves'*
*i mean in a pop culture sense. i do tend to agree that the holbein painting can't be that inaccurate and she probably actually did look like that (hot!) and i feel i should disclaimer this in the post itself not the tags because if i don't someone will object won't they
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seasaltmemories · 1 year
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Thinking about my boy
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torchwood-99 · 4 months
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Taking a break from my Austen esque/Bridgerton inspired comedy of manners romantic au, to write an angsty arranged marriage fic which is currently actually making me tear up a little, although it is past midnight and I've barely eaten today, so that might be a little bit part of it.
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grumpy-nyks · 1 year
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The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Agnes edition
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Who would have thought? 🤭
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Agnes "Nes" Sigrún 🌑RO: James Corvin
Personality: sincerity // cautious // friendly // merciful Traits: heart // compliance // believer Past affinity: writing [horror stories] Primary ability: empathetic impressions Past susceptibility: receptive
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☀️Fernweh: She never really thought about leaving Fernweh… It was her place, near her family and friend(s). She felt good there and assumed she’s gonna spend her whole life happily in this little town. Even if Fernweh brings back devastating memories, she’s curious about what’s happening in Fernweh now, in her true home. It’s always been her dream to work in Turn The Page, and during her ‘short’ stay in Fernweh, she started thinking about it again. Why not stay for longer…? She would love to carry on her grandfather’s work and bring his legacy justice. 
☀️Grandpa Jóhann: When she was young, she had an amazing relationship with her grandpa. They were completely honest with each other, and she loved him wholeheartedly. Some people thought that making her grandpa proud was her main hobby. She used to tell him all about her dreams that she had, which were always wild... and also about the nightmares… It took her by surprise when her grandpa, one of the most important people in her life, started being less involved. She was hurt and began to wonder if she had done something to cause the distance between them. His decision to move her out of Fernweh so quickly after this tragic event made a huge impact on her mental state. She needed time to cope and be with her closest ones, especially her grandpa...but after all she didn't blame him. She often heard that she looked exactly like her mother…like her grandpa's daughter... She assumed he could not look at her, without thinking about her... And she could not blame him for wanting to escape that pain. Agnes knew it was the best thing that her grandpa could do for him, and she accepted it, too eagerly. She always too eagerly took the blame for everything.
☀️Beckett Warrick: After what happened in Fernweh after James she had even more trouble interacting with other people and making new friends… However, Beckett was an exception. He was the first person who got to truly know her after the events in Fernweh. When she got the letter about her Grandpa, she considered hiding the truth from him, because she knew deep down that he would be there for her if she needed him… even if he would not particularly enjoy it. It's a good thing she’s such a bad liar… Her main concern is about Beckett’s well-being. She noticed that this 'little' trip made a huge impact on him. He wasn’t supposed to be here, and it’s because of her that he–... She needs to make sure that nothing happens to her friend. And she will somehow manage to bring him back to his home.
☀️Reese Verner: They had an unconventional relationship. Reese saw her as a rival, while Agnes thought of him as a friend. She was confused about why Verner, someone of great importance, would even look at her see her as a rival. She knew there were better candidates for his games. She had only one question on her mind - “why?”. Despite Verner's playful teasing, Agnes always remained polite and friendly towards him, even when he attempted to push her boundaries. Girl knew how to keep her true feelings behind a warm smile she still does. If I can be completely honest… Agnes was rather shocked that Reese still remembered her… and was actually looking for her, which sounded so unbelievably. His concern for Milton's well-being made her see him in a slightly different light. Of course, she already knew Reese had a good heart, but his behaviour really touched her. Additionally, Agnes noticed that Reese and James’ relationship became stronger and deeper… It’s for the best. James deserves someone as dependable as Reese. He will always be there for James. 
☀️Sofia Dorran: Their bond was formed over a shared admiration for books and... the color blue. It may sound funny now, but these things became central to their lives and deepened their friendship. Sofia was the first person Agnes entrusted with her writing, and valued her honest feedback, knowing that Sofia would not make her feel bad if something needed improvement. They frequently borrowed books from each other's collections. Agnes yearned for the days when she and Sofia had reading sessions together, sipping on their favorite beverage. The only issue back then was when the book ended poorly or their library didn't have any new positions for them to read. She's willing to know how Sofia's taste toward books shifted (if shifted) and how she changed as a person. She's also extremely grateful because her grandfather received constant care from Sofia and her mother.
🌑James Corvin: …Do I really need to tell you that James was her first crush? And that she never found the courage to tell him so? maybe now will be the time? Agnes and James were always together, wherever one went the other followed. They were inseparable. Agnes even used to bake oatmeal cookies for James with her mother's help. They dreamed of their idyllic life together. As friends, obviously. Seeing him again after all those years was much harder than she anticipated. Agnes felt overwhelmed with stress from the moment she stepped out of her car. Every time she heard his surname, she unknowingly flinched. Her mind was full of questions about his well-being, life, and changes. She couldn't help but wonder if he would be happy to see her. …she did manage to hold his hand for a moment, I can consider it as a success
☀️Alex Corvin: Agnes has always looked up to Alex for their adventurous spirit and their willingness to embrace life to the fullest. She has always wanted to adopt a bit of Alex' wild side. Whenever they are around, boredom and dullness seem to disappear. They both share similar values and support each other's life goals. If I would say which person Agnes was the most willing to meet during her stay in Fernweh that would be Alex. She was confident in their friendliness towards everybody and was sure that their kindness had not wavered. Agnes was touched when she heard that Alex was looking after her grandfather's bookstore… It appears that Beckett has a new admirer, which Agnes wholeheartedly approves of.
☀️Mal: Agnes has a sense that Mal might be suspicious, but she is quite naive and doesn't believe that he could mean trouble. Although she is wary of him and finds him a little untrustworthy, Agnes believes in being kind to everyone, and she is willing to give Mal a chance, not judging him by her own impressions of him.
☀️Goldie: Agnes is grateful that her grandfather had a furry companion like Goldie, who probably managed to brighten his spirits. She fondly recalls how her grandfather would tell her stories when he once had a dog, when he was younger and how his eyes would light up with joy as he shared his story. Agnes is committed to taking excellent care of Goldie and ensuring her safety.
#don't get me started how she is BLAMING herself for the situation Beckett is rn. she needs to go back for her theraphy sesions right away#that's why she went with him into the woods looking for Milton and not James even so she wanted to spent every single second with him :sob:#she's conflicted. being with James is something that she dreamed of but in her opinion he deserves someone better //obviously//#...that's why she's cheering for James and Reese lol. Look she just wants James and Reese to be happy and she can see how those two care of#-each other. She's happy : )#she's an idiot 🙂#is there a potential happy ending for the three of them..? maybeeee. we'll see what the story will bring 👀#im totally confident that Sofia and Agnes had their own shared little library#Agnes wrote a poem for James when she was young but it wasn't really her forte. that's why she showed it to Sofia because she knew she will#-help her. //Agnes didn't want to tell for who it was but Sofia figured it out anyway. they both knew that the other knew but weren't-#-talking about it out loud. XD it was hilarious -- for me and I assume Sofia but Agnes was terrified. XDD//#....cough James never saw this poem anyway cough...#I have this headcanon that Agnes made up amazing horror stories that James was willing to hear (for a bunch of oatmeal cookies) when-#-they had a sleepover //those stories were from her nightmares but she never said that to James knowing he would only worry about her//#btw her parents called her 'little star' and James must have heard it and (maybe?) asked Sofia to make a necklace... Sun and Moon.#did you know that Agnes had her piece of the Sun as her necklace for the WHOLE TIME. but she hid it away under shirt... x"D she was looking#-if James had his Moon somewhere... but she did not see it. anyway she wears it always.#omg i finally made it. there's also one in my drafts nearly finished and three more to go. XD#sooo curious about book two <3#fernweh saga#my art?#Spotify#oc: agnes sigrun
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meezer · 1 month
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patho1 eva really just wanted a) to be rescued from the town and b) to dedicate her life to something/someone (like I saw someone on reddit say, she's a utopian with no utopia, no grand worldview to bring to life, just passion)... daniil was her biggest hope but he didn't (couldn't?) help with either, so she went to the cathedral ☹️
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schmweed · 1 year
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barkingangelbaby · 4 months
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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao
#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision#im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful#life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy#oop very emo thoughts incoming#life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing#im just. struggling very hard this year. idk#i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it#and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh#idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and#all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety#and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been#bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long#but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore#idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days#ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk#a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no#like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life#its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma#and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them#like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please#please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room#i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic#i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle#(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken
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hauntingblue · 7 months
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JINBEEE I LOVE YOU!!!! JINBEEEEEEEEE
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#there is no man more consistent or noble than him. he really is the gentleman of the seas (or knight idk with the translation)#i think he has like a luffy is going to die detector built in. he was about 5 seconds away from ripping his hands out#FLASHBACKS FLASHBACKS FLASHBACKS#luffy needs to eat the food sanji made for pudding..... do you see...#reiju was suspicious from the start.... hell yes#sanji going insane again... to the liat#reiju has her mind straight.... end germa and save sanji yeah.... but dont die girl...#so reiju has feelings because her mother is not the same as her brothers??? and like germa didnt go that far with the tech yet???#bc their mother just complaining about the four and not her daughter.... idk she calls her mom still.... maybe its just the tech#that wasnt as advanced when she was pregnant with her so she has feelings still#oooohhgg the toxin only worked with sanji... thags why he is normal....#being beaten up on his mothers grave.... christ.....#reiju is an older sister for reals.... having to deal with her mom being worried about sanji and then worrying about him too#reiju knows their father doesn't like her as much bc she has feelings too deep down... poor girl....#jesus christ sanji take her with you!!! if she doesn't end up happy.....#nothing more to say reiju i love you too girl#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 819#reiju you don't need to die!!!! i get the symbolism but you can be good too!!!!#you tell em pedrooo!!! fuck that egg!!! AGAIN!!!!#NOT AGAIN!!!#pedro with the explosives again qjdhakshka he came PREPARED#luffy strangling a guy for info.... this one is a first....#so brook just came to steal the poneglyph with no paper or ink????? wtf#roger could hear everything and thats why he could read the poneglyphs....#well luffy killed that man (to me)#reiju changed the bracelets omg!!!! QUEEN ICON SISTER OF THE YEAR OF THE DECADE#think about what matters sanji!! *thinks about luffy* OMG AND LUFFY LOOKING FOR HIM!!!!#episode 820
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ceruleanfuckup · 2 years
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I had a 13 hour shift today and was panicking because I was late to something after my shift, so I ran a lot and fucked up my knee pretty bad but honestly it was very worth it
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gas-stxtion · 1 year
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//sorry i haven't been working on replies lately! you see, it's because [mid-sentence i slowly lie down on the floor and start crying really hard. i do not finish my explanation]
#you know this whole thing is one big experiment‚ right? and you're the little mouse? {ooc}#//feel free not to read the tags b/c i'm gonna scream a bit#//moved in last week and already we may end up with two more people in this apartment#//bc two of my roommate's partners both need a place to stay#//and like with the one we've had some time to talk and prepare#//but with the other it's like oh ok she's moving in this weekend. non-negotiable huh. ok#//i want to scream cry and throw up lmao i am not emotionally prepared for there to be four people here#//especially b/c i don't know either of them suuuuper well just yet#//and rn i'm doing the bulk of the cleaning in the apartment which i don't mind! because i'm happy to help!#//roommate has a lot of other stuff she's worrying about and i understand and want to take the load off#//but i think if i see one more dirty pot i might start crying#//which as we all know is a normal reaction#//(that's sarcasm if that's not clear)#//i know i need to say something and insist on better communication#//because this is not malicious on my roommate's part. i know that. it's just a miscommunication#//anyway yeah i keep mentally coming back to the fact that my room isn't even fully unpacked yet lmao#//bc now we gotta get shit together to make sure everyone has somewhere to sleep n such#//and yes it's bc i haven't asked for help. i am aware. that's on me#//but damn.#//ok this got long jesus-#//if you read this i am giving you a high five but if not i understand lmfao#vent cw#negative cw
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sysig · 2 years
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(Requestober) Could you draw something with Virgil from Portal Stories: Mel?? I played the game recently and he was my absolute favorite- such a fun design and personality! Maybe something where he's hanging out with Wheatley or Mel or the rainbow core? I was SO mad they made the player leave him at the end, so just anything where he gets to have a friend, really.
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Day 6 - Still together
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sovamurka · 2 years
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Not me suddenly creating an AU in my head about Altan and Lera being broken puppets in a magical shop owned by a wizard named... Sergey, of course. They try to repair each other in secret and find surprising comfort in one another. 
#basically a slightly angsty hurt/comfort AU with a happy ending#I could even say that it is more hurt/comfort deep friendship than it is romance#(and I definitely don't have a fic wip in my drafts nooooo how dare you think of that)#I have a lot of ideas about it actually#Altan has a broken eye mechanism and Lera's strings that hold her body together got old and loose so she almost mopes around the shop#Sergey tries to get over his break-up with Oleg by starting an unusual friendship with Igor with whom he plays chess (:D) on weekends#(don't worry Oleg is just on a journey of his own)#Sergey also has a fucked up Pygmalion and Galatea complex with Lera which is... honestly one of the aspects I love writing about?#customers in this AU are also a bliss to encounter#newlywed wizards Balor and Yana definitely go to this shop and Balor definitely has a tense relationship with Sergey#they usually come for some cursed illegal stuff which is fiiiiiine#the Realmwalkers trio also comes in here and usually it's Ksenia (I won't elaborate now but the main thing Sergey sells her is information)#Toma is one of the customers Sergey gets annoyed about but she's actually one of the few people who sees puppets as people#Koroleva scares the shit out of Seryozha which is the reason he sells her everything with a lower price#he's surprisingly polite to Angelina and the Nightingale#(yeah. remember about the Pygmalion and Galatea complex? the answer lies there)#Anton and Rita almost burn the shop to the ground but Sergey befriends them because they're pyromaniacs just like him :D#Yuma is a rare customer but a welcome one. this has things to do with the plot but it's too long to explain.#you should just know that she somehow gets everything for free#so yeah. that's my small au for zlatomaki I guess???#plague doctor
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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evening has come again huh
#🌙.vent#i'm really sorry for the vents lately but i need a way to let it out. & this. this is as far as i can go with that#i need to do better again i know i can i have to :') people waiting for me. others n me....#last night i downloaded a game for my friend. for her. & then another friend i told her i'll reply before the day ends :< 'take your time'#she said but sob she opened up abt smth n i wna help i really do & fuck it just hurts too bcs i know the ppl around me are. struggling too#i try not to put others b4 myself if i'm struggling like rn but :< i hate the helplessness. wish i cld do smth more for you#i wish i could at least be enough to help them. for you for you whoever you are i would always be willing to make these sacrifices#i'm gna cry it's been so overwhelming lately bcs i'm filled with so much hope and despair simultaneously#what do i do? which do i choose? how do i decide? how am i supposed to do. enough. find a balance#n then other friends i haven't gotten to replying yet today bcs oh i'm too worn down right now n i hate it so much i'm sorry#& other than all the stuff i want to do for myself and for others there's also things like school n#it hurts you know? i'm very much aware i've been worrying my family lately. i can't. sleep properly. i can't bring myself to finish eating#:< n then it also gets overwhelming when i. look to better things. bcs it gen makes me v happy when. idk i feel inspired or creative or wtv#but it hurts when it's also simultaneously so overwhelming bcs it's so hard to do something with it#& thinking of good memories. how fleeting those moments were. how times have changed. but also of. of how more may come#but maybe. maybe only if i'm better. if i'm not this hollow husk of my usual self? fuck i know i'm too harsh on myself. unnecessary pressur#i'm more than it i know. but at times it's just so hard to feel better when i'm. 🥹 i really really don't want to be a disappointment.#for others n. for myself.... bcs i know as always in the future. wtf the fuck happens then. i do know that parts of me will never change.#wnvr i look into my past i'll always know that i deserved being more kind to myself. bcs i'm human too.#this empty feeling of being stuck somewhere being hope n my despair hurts v much bcs it's so contradicting & overwhelming#n i wish in these moments i cld be enough for my future self. n for those around me#i wish i was better at communicating! tell everyone i know how much i appreciate them! how much i wish they'd stay in my life#i wish i cld really just say but i'm afraid that my honesty might scare you away. so instead i hide. you probably don't feel the same nyway#crying it hurts i think past experiences have made me too used to people leaving. but i can't be vulnerable enough to be#soft enough to the extent of being so honest. i've been hurt before when i was kind n younger n naive sure but oh so innocent#struggling sad n it was so bad then that i. oh i remember how it hurt.... i refuse to let myself go through that extent of loneliness again#i wish though that. i could. revive my mind. my motivation my inspo my creativity hasn't exactly dulled but it's become more passive#am i afraid that if i really be myself then i'll be alone again? if i'm weird if i'm too honest n soft n. i don't know.#it hurts feeling like i'm stuck with being too little n too much at the same time. how do i. just be. enough. for you. for me.#it hurts i'm crying i'm sorry i'm so sorry fuck i'm so overwhelmed n lost i don't want to think right now it feels so empty n i'm tired
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