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burningcheese-merchant · 2 months ago

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ANSWER THIS AND YOU GET A FUNNY BURNING CHEESE COMIC

Hear me out

The ancients giving themselves up to the beasts as sacrifices if they agreed to leave earthbread alone and never wreck terror or show their faces again

I'd say everyone besides Flour would go:

Say less Babygirl*hops into a pumpkin carriage and rides off into the sunset*

Maybe Salt would need a lot of convincing because... Holy shit it could be this easy, Milk you seeing this, quick Spice snap a photo this is a moment in history

Flour is just in massive denial but would find a way to agree to mke it seem like it isn't about love or anything

Unknown3doors, don't tempt me like that 👀 don't tempt me like that, unknown3doors 👀 you're playing with fire, unknown3doors 👀🔥

Pure Vanilla surrendering to Shadow Milk would be the happiest day of Shadow's life. He makes Vanilla repeat himself multiple times, makes him announce it through a megaphone, they do a radio broadcast, Shadow makes a TV special out of it, Shadow writes poems and essays gloating and taunting... And then he eventually agrees to Vanilla's terms (although, he DOES try to haggle for permission to continue annoying people). Pure Vanilla is HIS!!! HE'S FINALLY HIS!!! FOREVER AND EVER!!!!!!! (And the Soul Jam, technically. But WHATEVER!!! HIS SILLY VANILLY!!!). Now Vanilla must endure having to spend EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of his life within 10 feet of Shadow AT ALL TIMES, or else the deal is off and Shadow will commit genocide in retaliation. Why the long face, though? You agreed to this! You knew this would happen! Maybe if Vanilla behaves well enough, like a good little doll, Shadow will allow himself to be HIS doll for a time. Tit for tat. It's only fair. They can be each other's playmate for eternity now...

Eternal Sugar would be 100% awake for the first time in forever if Hollyberry offered herself to her - in exchange for anything at all, it never had to have been for keeping innocents safe. Typical of Holly, in her estimate; she's not necessarily surprised by this. Maybe she'll feign a bit of surprise just because, maybe she'll tease Holly about it... But all in all, she's quite pleased. Now she can keep those pesky subjects of Holly's away from her much easier (as well as her friends... Including that ridiculous dragon...). Holly will learn to see things her way eventually. Appreciate the little things. Like a nice, long nap in a warm bed, in the arms of a loved one... Pleasant, sugary sweet dreams that are too comforting to wake up from... No one ever bothering them about anything ever again. Free from their responsibilities, free from the burden of the shield and the crown. Just the two of them in their own little world, pursuing their own happiness. Won't that be nice?

Mystic Flour would struggle to even entertain Dark Cacao's presence, never mind his... proposal (oh gods, not that word). She would refuse, and refuse, and refuse again. But Cacao does not give up, stubborn fool that he is. Curse his Light of Resolution... Eventually, in lieu of plainly refusing, she tries to appeal to reason. What about his kingdom? His people? What would they say, think, do? Will he leave them behind just to keep her pacified? What about his friends? His son? Who will rule in his absence? Unfortunately, Cacao has an answer for every single one of her questions... and, with an even greater undertone of misfortune... she likes them. That part of her that likes HIM also likes this. That he always has an answer for everything she says. That he won't bend the knee to her, no matter what. His self-sacrificing nature, bordering on martyrdom... just like hers once was. In truth, every word out of her mouth is only serving to delay her inevitable acceptance of his offer. A feeble attempt at shooing him away, one final shot at denying her feelings towards him, for having him around her constantly would be too much to bear, and she might... She... She'll break. She knows she will. And she can't have it. She won't stand for it.

... Dark Cacao, stubborn, handsome, selfless fool that he is. He has undone everything she ever worked for. Her apathy meant nothing the moment they locked eyes. It means nothing now, as they go back and forth about this foolish deal of his. And it won't mean anything when she eventually says yes.

(But she'll try to pretend otherwise, for as long as she can. Neither of them could handle the truth...)

Golden Cheese: Burning Spice, if you leave everyone else alone, I'll give myself to-

Burning Spice: DEAL!!!!!!!!! *pounces on her before she can actually finish or explain herself any further... What he does next, I'll let you imagine/decide 😉*

Silent Salt... wouldn't even believe it at first. He'd be astounded. Dumbfounded, really, that White Lily would say such a thing... Is this really her? Is someone forcing her to do this? What is the catch? Enough reassurance from her would convince him that she's being real and sincere and every other word that can be used to describe her deal, and... he accepts it. No other ifs, ands or buts. His White Lily... now, she really IS his White Lily. Forever and ever... He doesn't mind having to keep away from society; that's hardly a punishment. It costs him nothing. And if his White Lily is there with him, he won't even notice the difference...

#can you tell I liked writing the MysticCacao one the most lol. I love toying with their dynamic it's fun #seriously though. there actually would be a fair bit of discussion/negotiation between PV/SM and DC/MF. Ironing out terms and conditions #ES wouldn't care too much about it in the moment. Too much work. They can talk about it later if Holly really wants to #BS really is the “say less babygirl” one lmao. Bird Wife mine forever? Yes! Me happy! Life good now #We fight! We kiss! We hug! We make babies! Many babies. And then we fight more! FOREVER!!! MY BIRD WIIIIFFFEEE #SS has always been the calmest one to me outside of MF. Also the most simple and straightforward one. No noise or fanfare or mockery #just... “you're giving yourself to me? you're serious? anything extra to add that I need to know? ok. deal.” the end #SS and BS just want their wives more than anything else tbh... they don't need much incentive #i can rant more abt this later if y'all want lol #cookie run kingdom #burningcheese #goldenspice #mysticcacao #hollysugar #silentlily #pureshadow #shadowvanilla

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ur-fav-alien · 5 months ago

Text

Jail Cell

Eben Oleson x Fem!Reader

You had been dating Eben for awhile, and during one of Barrow's annual blackouts he brings you along for a night of fun. In the empty sheriff's department an idea crosses your mind, something to do with an empty jail cell...

Tags :) SMUT , Oral!fem receiving , very minor roleplay (i.e. calling Eben 'officer' and one case of being called 'inmate') , handcuffs (he's a sheriff, you didn't think I was gonna do anything with that? c'mon) , mentions of bruising and some pet names! , I think that's if but if I missed anything please tell me xoxo

Eben crashed against the light switches of the sheriff’s department. A move blinded by your lips and tongue, making sure you got every taste of him as you pushed through the doors.

It was Barrow’s annual black out, your second, but your first together. It was exciting; you had only recently moved to Barrow to take care of your father, and Eben had always known the blackouts as a simple factor of life.

Eben had been aware of what it was like to relish in the quiet of a blackout with someone, but now he was with you; someone who hadn’t always known the dark skies of Barrow. It was something he had been looking forward to. Sadly, a month of cuddling and gazing under the northern stars turned into constant care of your families and jobs, leaving very little time for you to indulge in one another. Pent-up emotions and heavy eye fucking throughout the days resulted in snowballs being thrown at your window in the middle of the night, as if you both were teenagers.

The adrenaline rush certainly felt like your teenage years as you snuck out of the house to meet Eben in his SUV.

The lights snapping on throughout the department shocked both of you out of your lustful trances. It gave you a moment to look at your heavy breathing partner. Eben doing the same as his eyes surveyed over you. The cold had pinched his nose and cheeks red. The lack of oxygen from making out and the biting wind were a viscous pair.

“You’re gorgeous.” Eben breathed out, squeezing your sides lightly.

You smiled and pushed him back playfully, which only made him grab onto you tighter; pulling your warm bodies together to continue what you had been doing. Right before your lips connected, from your peripheral you saw a very empty jail cell in the back of the room.

An idea sparked in your brain, something you had been wanting to do since falling in love with the town sheriff.

You pulled away with a smile on your face. “Wait, wait, wait—” You skipped to the empty cell, “I wanna do something!”

Eben stared at you in wonder, peeling off his coat to follow you absentmindedly. “What’s that?” He asked playfully.

The coat fell from around your shoulders, grabbing it at the last second to throw it to the side. You walked backwards into the cell, grabbing onto the door and closing it as you progressed further into the cold room. The metal door closed with a small echo, which was dampened as you turned around to press your back against them. You turned your head to look at Eben, who was chuckling softly behind you, the sound of him sending butterflies to your stomach.

“Really?” He asked as you turned around with a fervor in your eyes.

You smiled through the bars, face pressed close to the cold metal. “Really.”

He chucked again, running a gloved hand through his hair. “You do something to me, lady.” He walked forward, leaning in to kiss you through the bars.

“I’m not sure you’re supposed to really kiss hardened criminals.” You hummed delightfully.

Eben raised a brow. “You’re a hardened criminal?”

You backed away from the bars, swaying your hips and shoulders suggestively. “The worst of the worst, baby.”

He rolled his shoulders back while holding back a very obvious smile. Eben gave a half-hearted shrug before tightening up his face.

He ripped open the jail cell, taking a step inside. His face was hard and stern, making your skin tingle with excitement. “Inmate…” even his voice felt cold, like he had never been more angry. “What do you think you’re doing?”

You couldn’t contain your happiness. Roleplaying had never been something you’d even think of asking him, and now that it was actually happening, the pure excitement of it was overflowing out of you. You seductively slid towards him. “What do you want me to do?” You raised your hand to brush against him, only for Eben to aggressively grab your wrist.

He spun you around forcefully with an angry glare, which ignited a deep fire throughout your nervous system. A plethora of knots began forming in your stomach.

“You have some serious behavioral issues.” He growled.

“Ya gonna do something about it?” Your finger hooked around a belt loop, tugging ever so slightly. Part of you just wanted to get this over with — would it be too much to say ‘cut!’ and drag him down to the floor?

He grabbed the back of your head and pushed you against the bars. You would’ve cooed at the protective action if you weren’t in the middle of something.

His hand ran down your body, the roughness of his glove and the gentle touch made you shiver. He grabbed your other hand and brought both of them above your head.

All your fantasies coming alive at this moment were too much to process. A giggle bubbled up to the surface, but shut down as soon as his leg pushed the back of your knees, causing you to crumble to the ground.

You looked up at him with enormous eyes, watching him intently as he was too busy focusing on ripping his glove off with his teeth to grab a pair of cuffs around his waist. The act had made your tongue heavy, your eyes floating back to their level as his crotch stood right in front of you. A thousand nights of nuzzling against his thighs after intimate nights made the knots in your stomach tighter, lighting them ablaze.

Cold metal snapped against your wrist. You looked up again to find your gloves ripped off and metal cuffs replacing them. The chain weaved through the bars — you were stuck.

You made eye contact with him, brows furrowed together to convey that he was angry, but you knew he was everything but.

“Do the glove thing again!” You whispered. It felt as if you two were actors in the middle of a play, improvising as you went on.

He raised his brows before bringing his hand up to rip his other glove with his teeth, tossing it aside.

Your giggle echoed through the department, and a smile ripped across his face. You leaned back against the bars, legs folding out beneath you to rest on your butt.

Eben followed you down to the ground, situating himself between your spread legs. “Am I doing okay?” He whispered, once again enforcing the idea that they were putting on some type of play. The idea made your smile all that more infectious.

“You’re doing great.” You leaned in absentmindedly, needing to kiss him like nothing else. Your lips felt empty without him there. “I’m so turned on.” You whispered before his lips took yours.

Your body was on fire as he leaned further into you, arms surrounding your head to keep himself from falling into you.

“You’re really bad at being a corrupt officer.” You playfully whispered against his mouth.

When he pulled away, you thought you’d go into cardiac arrest. His heavy breathing and lidded eyes were too much, but kissed red lips were just the cherry on top. A heartbeat pounded between your legs, begging for something.

“Oh, really?” He asked, his voice dripping with lust.

In a flash, he grabbed your legs and brought them to his shoulders. Your scream of excitement acted as no deterrent as his lips gave small kisses to your inner thighs, pressing through your pants as if nothing was going to stop him.

You giggled and squirmed as his lips dared press against the one area they needed to be.

“Eben- Eben, please.” You begged.

He looked at you from between your legs, a sight which would echo in your head for the rest of time. “Please, what?”

“You’re such an asshole.”

He kept eye contact as he slowly and gently pressed a kiss to your center. You could barely even feel it, but the act itself made you lose your mind. You leaned your head back as you hissed out curses.

“Will you just fuck me already?” You whimpered, and the kissing stopped altogether. The embarrassment fluttered to your face. Pure heat was radiating off of you.

Eben seemed to like that answer because he rested your legs on his shoulders to toy with the buttons and zippers of your pants. The fact you couldn’t help speed this process up was making your head spin, and he knew that. You had never found Eben to be an evil man, but the one time you ask him to be an evil police officer, he’s the most corrupt man in the world. In the back of your mind, you began wondering if he had always wanted to be evil like this. Draw out your torture, make you squirm and beg for something — the thought of that made you lightheaded.

He moved your legs to one shoulder to slowly take your pants off, each inch of skin gaining a small kiss. He ripped your shoes off to leave your only comfort of warmth being your knee-high socks. You must’ve been a sight to behold because as soon as he spread your legs again, his eyes dilated in a fury of lust.

“You look like you’re gonna eat me.” You breathed out with a small smirk. He resembled that of a hungry predator, you his simple prey.

Eben tilted his head ever so slightly, a brow raising which told you everything you needed to know. You watched in horror as his mouth opened, rolling out his tongue. He leaned forward and licked a painfully slow strip across the center of your underwear, giving you a taste of what was to come.

You squirmed as his grip tightened on your legs, keeping you as still as he needed you. He only released one of his hands to pull your underwear to the side, to get to where you finally wanted him.

The feel of his tongue against your cunt made you hazy. His hot breath battled the cold empty building, causing shivers all over your body.

He squeezed your thigh, a bruise that would come to form in a couple hours, something you were waiting to see flourish. He kept your underwear to the side, fingers grazing your clit ever so slightly as his tongue worked its way inside.

You squealed and moaned like your life depended on it, but he wouldn’t let up. He only stopped tormenting you to pepper small kisses on your inner thighs while he shushed you.

“If you think I can stay quiet during this, you’re an idiot, Eben.” You were out of breath, panting like a dog as his kisses warned closer and closer.

“Good inmates don’t talk back, sweetie.”

You whined, leaning your head back in frustration.

“Good inmates don’t whine either.”

You settled for a pout, which opened its way into a gasp as he kissed your clit gently.

“Try not to move too much.” He purred into you. “Don’t want you falling off.”

You couldn’t help but nod at his request, he had successfully turned into you puddy. You kept your hands busy by grabbing onto the bars, squeezing your eyes shut as pure ecstasy rolled over you.

His thumb rubbed soft circles into your clit as his tongue lapped at your center, curling in and out. The roughness of his thumb and the soft plushness of his tongue twisted your nervous system into knots. He dug his face further into you as the fire in your abdomen grew unbearable.

You tried to tell him you were cumming, but words escaped your heavy tongue. Your body ignited, legs to shaking beside his head.

Eben continued on, digging his tongue deeper into you as he rode out the electricity which shocked your body. In a parting gift, he gave a small kiss to your cunt once more before pulling away, looking at you from your pelvis.

The panting echoed throughout the building — you’d be surprised if the entire town hadn’t woken up.

“Wanna go again—”

“I’ll kill you.”

He chuckled, unhooking your legs from his shoulders. Using your legs, he pulled himself closer to wrap your legs around his waist, protecting your scantily clad ass from the cold concrete. He leaned in to kiss you, allowing you to taste yourself, which left you giggling.

Your noses were touching, hot breath intertwining. “Thank you for correcting my behavior, officer.”

He growled dangerously, his smile toothy and dangerous. He snapped his head and was kissing and sucking your neck wildly — a horny vampire.

You screeched his name, giggling wildly.

#30 days of night #josh hartnett #omg frightening scared this is my first x reader PLEASE DON'T CRUCIFY ME I'M SCARED #once again if this is bad you guys CAN'T TELL ME /j #no but please tell me (be nice) i love improving my work and my audience's criticism is like #1 way to do so #if guys wanna request anything else... I'm always open... tee hee #eben oleson #eben oleson x reader #eben oleson smut #whoops I’ve been spelling his name wrong

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