#don't mind me I'm just saving for myself
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You know
We had the canon story with where they could at least save another timeline
You did a story where they managed to have their happy ending
And now, I suspect
It's time for the complete failure?
Nope, I've mentioned before that it will be good for one person, don't worry
#reverse canon#Still canon but in other way#just different#Can I also mention that we have a saved past universe in the happy future canon#And one canon that is still up to happen and looks like this one will not be very happy too#There are plenty of canons that I don't know about and I'm pretty sure something like what I do might exist somewhere and I don't know abou#it *giggle*#So yes#At least my mind will be in peace when I do the ending that I wanted to do from the very beginning#It might be a bit of surprise#At least I was surprised by myself ans wasn't sure if I can even really put it in the story#I hope no one will mind me about it mehh#*running away*
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[Image Description: a set of five edited bug fables screenshots from the pre-battle zommoth encounter. The first is the same as in-game, Kabbu saying "W-What is that!? Something's coming!" The second is of zommoth appearing on screen with its sprite edited to be various shades of pink and yellow, wings the same pattern as Leif's (but still with the purple blight magic stuff in the chest area.) The next three images have the sprite edited in the same way.. The third image is of Leif's saying "...Wh, Rkejrm-m-Muse!? Kjdrira, mebsrgr...!!!" The next is Kabbu saying "Muse!? Leif, that's..." The final is Vi saying "T-That doesn't make any sense!" End ID]
I thought about one of my fucked up and evil au ideas for five minutes again, so I decided to spend like fifty hours making a thing about it. Basically what if Muse went back into Snakemouth later to try to rescue Leif or at least bring back his body and got caught by the roaches.
Putting just the edited sprites under the cut if you wanna see those without the lab mood lighting:
#bug fables#bug fables spoilers#muse bug fables#or as I've been saving my files for this as:#Zommuse#:3#Leif bug fables#despite taking a super long time (not actually fifty hours but it felt like it) this was fun!#I am so much more comfortable with writing than visual art stuff but since I don't have any specific thoughts on the scenario#past this moment this is a way easier way to get my thought across in slightly more description than my one paragraph up there#eyedropped all the colors off Muze and Grandpa's sprites and then played with them a bit to make them go together nicer#part of the length was me figuring out how to do stuff and part of it was because I had to stitch some stuff together inconveniently#as I said earlier: aa spoiled me. what with having all the game assets and backgrounds either conveniently already extracted#or at least mechanically very easy to get myself because it's all just pixels and all the bits are on different layers!#(also storywise I usually tend to go with giving muse fire magic when I'm thinking things. but keeping the blight was easier shorthand.#and also all those times she's more on leif's end of the cordyceps spectrum. mind more there. so.)
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wow twitter sucks 😭
#never used twitter before like 5 months ago#and even then I didn't use it actively until just recently like the past month#where I'm crossposting stuff on here and commenting on (mostly just 1 lol 😭) artist's work and stuff#and it is such a slow creeping awfulness I didn't even expect it until it was suddenly overwhelming!!!!#there is so much discourse!! wow!!!!! what the hell!!!!!!!#there's so much vague posting and quiet drama going on and I don't like it!!!!#why can't we just have fun and hang out 😭#why do specific gender and interelationship headcanons matter THIS MUCH#on tumblr it's fine I can just block antis and that's all the drama basically done with and gone#but it's everywhere over there!!!!! wow!!!!!!! this shit sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!#I loved being on tumblr and going lalalalala oblivious to all the discourse in the world#can all the artists I like just move here 😭#the discourse is seeping into me too I can feel it infecting me like a disease#I've gone to make posts getting mad and up n arms over headcanons I like or even ones I just don't mind but that people are weirdly mad abt#and I have to stop myself like boy this isn't you this isn't your heart#holding my head in my hands I think I gotta unfollow some folks but I don't think even that will remove all the DRAMA on my tl. SAVE ME
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how to stop being Affected as a result of medical problems ending explained reddit no paywall
#:)#lowkey i've developed some kind of trauma-derived avoidance to everything in the last few months. like super lowkey mind you#not in the scared way btw but in the 'god decided my fate is to be sick so i don't deserve to even live life' way which is actually dumber#talked myself out of so many nice things the last few months because i'm a Sick Person Now and therefore Shouldn't do things any longer#also mind you i walked away from hospitalization with virtually zero symptoms that would impede my ability to do things#so i just decided to construct a psychic prison to punish myself for no good reason <3#kinda feels like there's a glass wall between me and the world and i sooo badly want to be able to push past it again#suuuuuuuuuuuuucks that i am always undergoing traumatic events that reset my progress. someone save me................
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gonna be in Canada soon but not for taylor-related reasons I'm sick
#jk I'm very much looking forward to my lil long weekend trip#but getting myself into Taycouver weighs heavy on my mind#I'll drain the savings I'll max out the credit card just let me in#because like we really don't know what comes next#omg.........
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#Don't mind me I'm just saving this for myself#important images#bsd#bsd spoilers#bungou stay dogs#bsd 120
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ugly maths.
i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.
thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!
you... wanna see?
okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!
ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!
huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—
better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—
mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?
here, i can make it worse.
these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.
now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.
why ugly?
because it makes me ugly.
those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.
87, 75.
the thoughts are as follows:
• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.
• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.
• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!
okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:
that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.
4, 708.
ugly maths.
the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!
27.
mmmm.
6161, 1061.
5100.
87, 75.
12.
mmmm.
you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(
it made me :)
well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.
they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.
1.
have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?
i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.
oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.
ready?
838, 245.
(want a hint? the green numbers!)
838, 87. 245, 75.
9.6, 3.3.
ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!
the numbers make me ask new questions:
• why is it not good enough?
• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?
• is all this maths this really good for you?
no, it isn't.
i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.
ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.
ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.
i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.
#helia rants#cw vent#i'm okay but i'm not#this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks#it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here#i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't.#since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read#bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally#that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths#and in turn starting to feel uglier too#i don't like looking at the numbers#i was doing well at the start of the year#but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote#i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if...#if only...#what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense#the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too#i hate that this is what i've become#because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them#but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers#and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer#and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic.#and i don't know how to stop.#helia's stuff#this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it.#also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret#this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no#it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers.#gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)
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I liked doing this last week, but it will get kinda repetitive in the coming weeks. So I'm not sure if I'll do it often while I'm posting the modern/band AU, but oh well!
It's another Saturday morning in a blanket with new music. Truly all I could ever need to write.
Here's what I've been working on...
Modern/band AU is fit and ready to start posting this upcoming week. Chapter [redacted] is complete, and I'm now far enough ahead that even a few weeks of busy life won't stop a regular posting schedule. And if I keep up writing then I'll be able to post around Xmas without needing a break!
Chapter [redacted+1] has an opening sentence, which is often the hardest part.
The outline for the AU has been modified a little. Combined three chapters into one, split out another chapter into two. Probably lots of consolidation to be done otherwise. There's a weird bit in the outline that's kinda fuzzy, but I'm sure I'll knuckle my way through it since it's not thematically deep. Might even be another chapter consolidation. This fic is definitely going to be longer than the 40k I was hoping it would top out at...
Editing the previous chapters has been a fun exercise in trimming the fat! I still want there to be scenes that are just ~vibes~ but I axed 1k words and the whole thing is cleaner for it.
More Minthara/Lae'zel is in the works, but it's mostly only the skeleton of an idea as I've had to rework it multiple times. I've a little under 1k actually written, and I'm not too convinced of what it is at the moment either. Quite frustrating.
Another seedling of an idea for non-smutty Asheera/Shadowheart fics. But it's really just "Shadowheart meets Asheera's parents" and boy I'm not ready for the mixed emotions Shadowheart's going to feel in that one. You know it's not just going to be fluff.
The Gauntlet/Nightsong segment for my core Shadowheart/Asheera series has a skeleton of an outline now. The POVs have been picked, the core beats are there, and I know it's going to hurt like a motherfucker to write some of this.
#random rambling about writing#anotheropti fanfiction mind soup#OK a lot of these tags are truly mind soup so I don't advise anyone to take them as anything but letting off steam#if I was smarter I would just type the shit in these tags into a word doc and delete it lol#in which I look at the modern/band AU and wonder what I've gotten myself into#the anxiety of feeling like it's a disaster already and mentally preparing myself for that#mixed with the panic of realizing I'll be locking myself into months of it#bc I *cannot* stand having unfinished works#if you've been wondering why I'm writing as much as I can before posting anything this is why!#if I get hit with a week of hating what I've put out in the world then I can recover and still have chapters out#which is...#it's the same feeling I get when I submit writing to literary agents#except agents will tell you bluntly that they don't want it whereas people in fandom just glide by#as is everyone's right don't get me wrong#but I have severe problems with imposter syndrome and it's always worst when I'm posting longer stuff#and translating these characters to a modern setting and struggling with their characterizations gave me -10 to Will saves#so it's like “who is this for? is this for me and only me? does anyone need this? why make myself upset?”#anyways that was a lot of venting so now I write
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when I think about Geto Suguru i want to kill and torture him when I think about Mimiko and Nanako I want to kms. You give me twins who went from physical abuse to being in a cult and you don't even give them the grace of the guy who is basically Their Dad But Worse dying while they're alive? You just kill the bc. Fucking. Idk they fed him some fingers. You don't let them live without their fucking garbage dad who I want to kill and torture? You waste their potential? You waste the girls who could be really fascinating parallels to Maki and Mai? Twins with similar name schemes who suffer extreme abuse and their abusers are all massacred by one person- but while Mimiko and Nanako are everything to each other, Maki and Mai were pitted against each other and only able to connect at the last possible moment? Mimiko and Nanako were saved but Maki was saved by Mai, and then had to save herself??? I'm going to start killing innocent people at random.
#Suicide ment#You do this to me? You give me girls who were raised in a cult and exited on traumatic terms (their fucking father who was the cult leade#Died and left ALL OF THEM ALONE) and they have no one but each other? And you don't give them the space to grow and reconcile not only thei#Earlier trauma and also the fact their father WAS A CULT LEADER. like is Geto their dad? Yes. Does he think of them as his daughters???#Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I don't think so tbh!!!#I think he sees them as sorcerers first people second and that's. Uoouhjojhghhhhhh. Knowing yr dad only saved you becuase you were sorcerer#Like... Maybe he would've saved them even if they werent. But he probably frames Them Being Sorcerers as the most important part of them#God yeah they internalized his awful eugenicist beliefs but also. Genuinely. They kind of had to. He was their fucking father#He raised them fed them gave them shelter. Can you fucking speak up against that? Maybe he wouldn't have punished them but.#He fucking murdered a village. Do they know if they're safe? I'm going to throw up. I fucking hate Suguru I'm going to lose my mind.#Fuck megumi IDC about what happens to him I just want Sukuna dead and in hell for what he did to them.#I need Suguru to experience an eternity of pain for what he's done. I'm going to kill myself. Mimiko and Nanako deserved better. Anywyas#Suguru: haha I hate this guy. I wanna get a Suguru plus and crucify it lol#Mimiko + Nanako: my real life mental illnesses are getting exponentially worse
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the person I'm dating invited me to their family's Christmas but now it's like four days away and they won't give me ANY details about it lol. like they actively avoid ANY questions whenever I ask. like... if you don't want me to go just say that. what's the point of fucking around
#tbh I'm fine not even going because literally who acts like that#and yes I got them a gift but I don't mind keeping it for myself if they wanna be that way#honestly it's super weird how they act and I can't tell if I'm overthinking it or not#like they never call me and they won't add me on social media that they have but supposedly don't use#and now this thing with Christmas is just..... weird#I'm gonna confront them about it and based on that I may or may not break up with them#because literally who has the time for that?#sure I like them and I'll be heartbroken for a little while but I'll be saving myself the stress#am I overreacting?
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Larian is out for me omg
I was already having a lot of Feelings™ about Astarion but THIS conversation fucking broke me
When I tell you this is the exact kind of idea I struggled with literally just last month... And now it's put into words in this silly little game, by the number 1 "hot sexy vampire bf that everyone wants to sleep with"... Idk man it's making me feel things, holy hell
#i wasn't sure if it was bad past experiences making me struggle with this or just my being ace#either way it feels... kind of validating to see it actually adressed in this kind of context#i already loved how Astarion's character arc is handled but this just... wow#I'm glad I save-and-reloaded myself through that conversation just to see ALL the options cuz I would've missed this otherwhise#thanks Larian#bg3 spoilers#act 2 spoilers#bg3 act 2 spoilers#also yes I'm wearing his clothes#they look cute on me okay#also don't mind the weird cropping on some images#it was showing the previous screenshot in the corner and I wanted to cut that out lol
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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y'all i'm like. so tired and overwhelmed right now. dare i even say sad.
#friday chats#tw vent#i should really go to sleep. but do i have the energy to get ready for bed? absolutely not#this feeling is exacerbated by the fact that it's **probably** that time of the month so i'm trying to be brave about it but like. augh.#i feel like there's a million things to do for college prep and then i'll actually be IN college and i'll have even MORE things to do#and it all feels so big and i am very small#i signed up for courses today!! but apparently i might be given a scholarship for the honors program at my school#and if it's big enough i know my parents aren't gonna let me turn it down#so i'd have to change up my nice schedule that feels like it's a good fit for me#and i also just REALLY don't want to do an honors program#i'm so tired from high school honors and dual credit and i want to go easy on myself since i do plan on getting a master's degree#and having to write and defend a thesis is something i'm absolutely not equipped for#even if i have department help i cannot public speak to save my life. it scares the shit out of me. hate hate hate it#i don't know. i just want things to be easy for once. or at least easier#this isn't even the only thing it's just the thing most recently on my mind#i just wish i had time to rest and prepare to feel totally ready to take on this new chapter of my life#...buuuut i don't. time marches ever onward. and all that.
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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i love final fantasy.
#🌙.rambles#like. uh. mostly ffxiv rn i just can't think straight bcs i just love ffxiv too much fuck but#other ffs too 😭😭 i was looking through some of my notes again n. i'm. it. IT MADE ME SO HAPPY#like yk those twt stuff from sqex or wtvr. i love squall n rinoa sm n then tidus n yuna n then#THE REST OF THEM N#n. w ff7 uh. fuck the fanwars just enjoy what you like i hate how ppl put others down. those adults can't even be mature or open-minded#n it's so disappointing but uh that aside! personally. this is for me okay. i just have a certain fondness of ships w aerith#no i don't want to talk abt ships but i didn't want to say this following thing without some context 💀#nah okay here i don't have super strong feelings abt any of those ff7 ships but i do like the charas n the tropes#like. i like the ones w aerith more in general bcs yk she's just. gentle. i like her 🥺 but i relate to tifa quite a lot actually#OH. I DIDN'T MEAN TO RAMBLE ABT THAT WAIT#w tifa just made me rmb along w. smth in shb made me think of hehe. yk w the wol w the uh.. spoilers but smth Bad happens#i'm gna go off-topic again if i talk about emet-selch in those scenes. bro the love he has for azem n hyth n. amaurot n how he#all those. lonely thousand of years n. remembering.. 🥹 n then the honesty w the wol n he#he. hdkafjsdlkf his va's rlly did well w him n the writing made me love him so much his character's so dear to me#wait. i went off-topic again. oh w smth that happens to the wol. like w wol n the tifa can i just have a dream too of like. being saved#like no ultimately i'll save myself but c'monnnn just once 🥺#writing the word once just always reminds me of zack fair damn hdlfkajsdfk one of my favs too hehe#head in hands i'm still so proud of alphi's chara development. n then. yk w thancred n minfilia n ryne.#n that talk w minfilia n ryne. hit. too personal. i remember. oh my god#alr i've just been rambling as i always have but atp i don't know what i'm writing abt anymore help#🥹🫶🏼 just love ffxiv so much fr. like not just ffxiv but yk what i mean. uwahh what a relief to. feel like this again at least#still stressed i just wna get that essay asap tho 😭 but yk it's lovely at least i'm rlly happy i remember again.#ffxiv's always. helped guide me in a way to rmb myself. so. please. please just listen to ffxiv's ost fr.
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