#don't leave me out here all alone
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Jun and Jun,
I am BEGGING you on bended knee to give me Simeon and Hyun Jae.
You can't give me these two scenes
And not expect me to think Simeon and Hyun Jae have a similar romantic tension that Jun and Jun have.
THEY HAVE A HISTORY!
So why was the poster of Simeon at that damn dinner?
Why wasn't Hyun Jae at Simeon's photo shoot?
And what was Simeon actually talking about?
Jun and Jun, please don't do me dirty. Don't leave me out here all alone. You gave me these crumbs. Now feed me!
Let my dads be together.
#jun and jun#simeon x hyun jae#let them be together#please#I'M BEGGING YOU!#don't leave me out here all alone
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just need to share how much I dislike this post lol
people will fully expect trans men to put ourselves on the line for everyone else and meanwhile the only time they acknowledge our existence is to talk about how "low risk" we are (obviously untrue) or to volunteer us out as a community for potentially dangerous activist endeavors that they wouldn't risk doing themselves
"we need to get uncomfortable!" and what's actually being discussed is convincing a subset of the community to be uncomfortable on your behalf while you do nothing to show solidarity with us
#transandrophobia#also all it does is reinforce passing privilege#because the assumption here is trans men automatically pass so well that it's dumb to be transphobic against us#like what does this accomplish it's so insanely misguided#also the climate of reproductive rights in the US is a mess right now and telling guys who are potentially at risk in that area#to go rile up cis people for basically performance art#is a terrible idea#not even suggesting how you would go about this in a way that would keep the protestors safe#just being like GO DO IT BOYS LOL#and then being resentful when people point out how stupid this is#this person literally never even talks about transmasc issues btw#they've brought us up entirely Once and it was to imply we face no transphobia and should protest on their behalf#it frustrates me how disconnected the rest of the community are from our issues and they mostly ignore us then talk about us like this#if you're not capable of showing solidarity with us then just don't mention us honestly!#idc if you don't center us in your politics but leave us alone lol!#we're not your pawns or tools in activism we are a vulnerable community who faces much of the same problems as you
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shout out object shows with canon queer ships. I'm talking on screen kiss or even just verbal confirmation. all things considered it's a bit strange you don't really see them that much when you think about how gay everyone here is. I love you ii but c2bc did what you didn't and I think that's actually really nice.
#girl makes claims when there's 1 more ep for ii and many more for c2bc. police arrest her.#inanimate insanity#ii#osc#silver's mental breakdown#c2bc#c2bc spoilers#do we do that here or what#fireball c2bc#pound c2bc#i always misread his tag as pound cake. i am but a fool#also is firepound mildly fanbrush coded ir am i kind of losing it. it's someone and pb. because fireball is very pb coded. inspired? somethi#ng. also c2bc totally takes influences from ii and we all noticed that right. it's not a bad thing. ii is my favorite show. but like. “im nb#.“ ik there was like no other way to say it but that's exactly what pb says in s3. ”he wants to make a boys club!“ ”im nb.“ ”i mean... a no#girls club!!!!“ i think i lile c2bc but im bot 100% sure? i saw someone comment that all the chars are likeable but like. speaker isn't!! st#op bullying my girl corky!! she's literally not that bad! don't get me started on beerkeg. i dont feel bad that he was manipped bcus like. d#ude she said no. leave ger alone#!!#i dont feel bad for him at all snd even cheered when princess hat (?) started using him even though it was not the greatest move and not sup#er healthy. s2's cast is still mych better though. justice for portal though!!!!!!! gone too soon. i kinda shipped. princess hat (?) and tap#e measure in s1 btw i never told anyone that but I did think it. service bell is like a taco i like mych less. and shout out firepound and m#mirror book. pretty crazy how gay objects can just live in my head and i let them do that. anyways sorry for writing a whole nother post in#the tags i just haven't shared my thoughts yet and wanted to lol.#i like it i think#firepound#<- oh hey look gay people
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Island Assistant Noah AU, Noah stays Chris' Assistant all throughout Island + Action + World Tour... How would this version of Assistant Noah react to Alejandro's flirting?... Would Alejandro be amused, when he later learns that Noah got himself eliminated ON PURPOSE in Season 1, and Noah became 'Chris Mclean's Assistant' as a punishment? 😎
Well, honestly I imagine most versions of Noah would react to flirting with the same level of scepticism and mistrust- he's not exactly a catch, and he's aware of the fact. Having someone as conventionally attractive and evidently conniving as Alejandro display interest in someone as not those things as Noah is would be a major warning flag for anyone with any semblance of sense.
Of course, Alejandro's interest was initially a ploy to try and weasel out information from Chris' personal assistant- someone who's high enough in the pecking order of internship to at least have some rudimentary knowledge on the oncoming challenges, but unimportant enough to fly under the radar when it comes to helping the competitors- but after Noah's initial refusal, Alejandro finds himself genuinely interested in him, at least in the same curious way a scientist regards an outlying factor in their studies. Mostly because Alejandro's very much so not used to being spurned, so Noah's blatant dislike of him is enough to fuel his curiosity (similarly to how Heather's hostility to him piqued Alejandro's interest in canon).
So he goes out of his way to bother Noah at any given opportunity. Not that it's hard; due to Noah's job he's practically always somewhere on the jet, since it'd be pretty hard to, you know, personally assist someone without being in their vicinity. Noah's disgruntlement with the constant flirting isn't quite enough to warrant him putting in the effort to avoid Alejandro, however, so the two of them consequently end up spending a lot of time together. Most of which is Alejandro trying and failing to fluster Noah, or otherwise pry competition-valuable information from him. Or, as their conversations become more frequent, he tries to get Noah to disclose something about himself that isn't already apparent- to very little success. Alejandro does find out that Noah's oddly touchy about his position as Chris' PA, though, and stores away that little tid bit of information to exploit later.
Alejandro inevitably finds himself almost enamoured by Noah's caginess and his dry wit. He's surprised to find that he actually enjoys Noah's company, even when it doesn't offer him any of the advantages he initially sought out the assistant for, which is such a novel concept for him. So of course he resolves to spend more time around Noah, to try and figure out what this feeling is, and if it'll affect his stance in the competition- not at all because he wants to spend more time around the cynic, obviously.
And he inevitably becomes more and more comfortable around Noah's stoic bluntness, so much so that he starts showing hints of his true colours around Noah. To the point where the bookworm's initial distaste for Alejandro begins to thaw under the warmth of his actual personality, instead of the coldness of his "perfect Burromuerto" mask. (This is the part where mutual feelings begin to blossom, if you couldn't tell.)
Alejandro ends up spending more time with the off-screen assistant than he does with the entirety of his actual team, which grates on the producer's nerves since they don't have a lot of non-challenge footage of their main antagonist (outside of his frequent use of the confessional, that is). So, he's asked to spend less time around Know-it-all Noah and more time around his actual team, so they have some footage to work with, as Noah's PA contract prevents them from using "unnecessary footage" of him on the show; since he doesn't interact with anyone during challenges or plot-relevant moments, the editors are practically forbidden from using any of the footage Noah is in. Alejandro reluctantly complies.
And it's during this enforced bonding time with his team that the topic of Noah comes up. Owen's the one who initially comments about Alejandro spending a lot of him with his "little buddy", which absolutely doesn't (does) spark an ember of possessive jealousy within Alejandro, prompting him to ask how Owen's so familiar with Noah if he's not even supposed to interact with the contestants. Owen reveals that Noah was a contestant, at least for a little bit, before he was eliminated early in Island.
Alejandro's interest in Noah and the mysteries around him skyrockets. As a former contestant and, apparently, someone who's familiar with pretty much all of his competitors, Noah has even more potential to supply him with valuable information that would assist him in winning the million. He later chases down the cynic and confronts him about his extremely limited time on the Island, to which Noah is initially evasive about, before he- in a ticked off outburst, since Alejandro just won't drop the subject- admits that he got himself eliminated on purpose and working as Chris' PA is pretty much just his punishment for doing so.
And Alejandro's curiosity turns into confusion. Why would Noah intentionally have himself eliminated from the competition when a million dollars is on the line? Noah quickly corrects him that, in the first season, the prize money was a measly 100k, and then proceeds to explain exactly why and how he got himself booted from Camp Wawanakwa- Alejandro watches the annoyance on Noah's face gradually soften out into a smug sort of pride as he recalls his past endeavours. Then that pride is quickly wiped away by a bitter sourness as Noah recounts how his stunt essentially trapped him under the employment of Total Drama, namely Chris McLean.
But Alejandro's still caught up in the glimpse he got of Noah's scheming potential. The glee he saw in the other's eyes as he explained how easy it was to rile up his former teammates enough to vote him from the island, how just a few carefully worded comments were all it took to grant Noah an extended vacation at a five star resort.
Dots are connected; Alejandro suddenly understands why Noah's so resistant to his manipulative efforts, why Noah always seemed to clock exactly what he was attempting to do and shut it down with cold indifference or a snarky comment. The pessimist before him was his equal, at least in terms of strategy. Though how he applied his trickster mindset was a little unconventional. The archvillain is more than intrigued by now, he's utterly smitten... with the idea of having Noah as his "right hand man". Nothing more.
Alejandro's left to wonder just how much more he could accomplish within the confines of the jet if he had Noah's brilliant mind assisting him in his schemes.
#uh. ran out of steam there at the end ngl.#something something alejandro goes from trying to exploit noah to trying to recruit noah as his sidekick#meanwhile noah's just there like: 🧍♂️i work here. leave me alone.#as much as i really love aus where noah gets to scheme i don't see assistant noah helping alejandro at all no matter how much--#alejandro tries to convince him. he's already saddled with work he's NOT implicating himself in a cheating scandal.#duncan's already got that drama covered#essentially alejandro's initially interested in noah because he's the only person who doesn't fawn over him#and then later on he's interested in noah because noah's Just Like Him but without a driving force (and family trauma 🤫)#total drama#td alejandro#yd noah#alenoah#assistant noah au#others' ideas#replies#💡 anon
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also i realize i'm saying all these noble and beautiful things about the channel from the purest depths of my heart. but actually i'm also just doing this because i fucking love the witcher books and it pisses me off that people don't know about them that much in english and i can only go for so long (seven years) with people not knowing that there are books. or that the witcher is from the 90s. or polish.
#'whatt i didnt know the witcher was polish. wait where is poland' funky music stops.#like statements that just crush your soul?? my god netflix did a number on the witcher's perception#'so is it based on the video game? the book? there is a book?'#'waaait the second season wasn't accurate to the books? wdym...?'#>knowing the witcher >knowing henry cavill >not knowing who andrzej sapkowski is#when the literal writing is like inseparable from polish and that's why the translation is so hard#when the literal story is like chock full of allegories and references to real life polish history#and it only exists because of a very interesting time in contemporary polish history#like i'm not mad at the PEOPLE who don't know about the witcher i'm mad about how it's been TREATED#with witcher 3's fame at least people who knew the game generally knew a little more maybe#with netflix it's like no one knew anything about the actual witcher and it was really really sad#i do blame the artistic direction but i also blame the marketing and the writing and everything to do with everything#because how are they supposed to know if no one told them. if witcher here has been so separated from what it actually is and is about#like why not just leave witcher alone and get into any other fantasy. there is so much other fantasy out there. witcher is just one of them#yes and that is the plan in 10 years time but#it's not just about reading for personal enjoyment but for what witcher deserves in the english language space now#the witcher series is about suffering but idk if its characters or IT ITSELF has suffered more#zoltan chivay voice 'there IS something like reciprocity after all'#witcher helped me so now i want to help it. i will not abandon you in your time of need !#maybe people know more about the witcher than i think and i've just been incredibly unlucky in my experiences but#people thinking there is only netflix and the third game maybe would be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking sad#IV
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Fuck all of y'all in Florida how dare you misrepresent my liberal king that man loves women (not in that way) and he would not STAND for this smh
#yk damn well he'd make the vague but absolutely not vague threats and then actually follow through on them#HE WOULD NOT MISS!!!!!!!#anyways this week has sucked so bad dear god#the cold I've had for a month has apparently been pneumonia#And I coughed so hard I TORE A FUCKING MUSCLE in my ribs and I could barely move for days and had to sleep in a recliner#also finally got diagnosed with adhd but found out all my old teachers told my mom they think I have it and I should get tested but NOOOOOOO#SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT#there literally couldn't have been a clearer sign than when I almost failed fourth grade because I couldn't turn in my homework on time#The election obviously my immediate family are full Kamala but my grandparents are VERY Trump#Oh and my brothers therapist told us he apparently has the most severe case of executive dysfunction he's seen in his 30 years of working#He literally told us to just take him out of college and let him live at home forever because he won't be able to finish school#because of it so THAT'S gonna be fun since my dad said if he ever tries to come live back here he'll throw him out on the streets#THIS IS JUST IN A WEEK#WHO IS MY OPP I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I DON'T DESERVE THIS FANFIC WRITER ASS LORE#LEAVE ME ALONE 😭#red vs blue#rvb#rooster teeth#rvb florida#election 2024
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i think about your fics often. your words have had a positive impact on me and i would like you to know that
this is so sweet omg i fear i did start to cry immediately. thank you so much 💛💛💛💛💛 this means a lot!!!
#fic love#anon#asks#xoxoxoxox#answered#genuinely appreciate this#thank you for this#all i ever want is to write something that resonates with people and leaves an impact#where people really *feel* something#and i think this is a big fear and struggle for me#this desire to earn love and respect#that contradicts everything i say about divorcing your feelings of self-worth from what you produce#because you should never have to EARN that#anyway#i share this so people who may also struggle with this don't feel alone#just know that i am here for you#cheering everyone on as they write and pour their hearts out on the page#something that takes a lot of courage and hard work#sending this after my last ask was really kind of you
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could you write about Thena being very sensitive to loud noises and Gil comforting her by covering her ears etc. love your work!!
"Um, Thena?"
"What?!"
Heads turned towards the usually quiet Warrior Eternal. It wasn't just that her voice was soft, it was that she was usually on the reticent side. But everyone all but trembled as she barked at them all.
Sersi froze on the spot, her hand half extended in front of her. "I-I was just wondering if...never mind."
Thena sighed. Her face was still somewhat twisted into a deeply displeased expression. But she walked closer to her. "I'm sorry, Sersi. What did you need?"
The Elemental Eternal still hesitated, but she tried to force the words out. "W-Well, this batch is ready--if you could help us all carry them to the centre square. If you can't that's okay!"
"It's fine," the Warrior Eternal grumbled, already walking past her sister towards the piles upon piles of fire crackers they had fashioned for the festival. It was a celebration for the new lunar cycle. They were doing their duty by helping the locals with their cultural traditions.
The humans backed away as Thena leaned over to pick up their burden for them. They muttered a little, bowing and smiling. It was closer to cowering than anything.
All things considered, she probably should have done more to discourage their fear--assure them that she was here to help. But as more fireworks 'tests' went off her face was simply unable to relax. "It's nothing."
Even Sersi gave her some space as they began walking. Their loads were large, perhaps suspiciously large but not impossibly. Sersi cleared her throat, "how are you doing?"
"Fine."
Sersi tried again. "Really? I know they're testing the gun powder a lot lately. And I'm sure no one would say anything if you didn't want to-"
"I'm fine, Sersi." Thena walked ahead, towards the head splitting ruckus taking place in the centre of town. As Sersi said, the tests for their celebrations were happening near constantly now that they were so close.
Phastos was proud of their quick advancement with the new chemical compound. Sersi and Ajak were delighted to learn about what they had developed culturally around this time of year and what it meant to them. The 'younger' ones - as Thena considered them were just excited to have a night that wasn't fighting and watch duty and diplomacy and watch duty and sparring with Ikaris and more watch duty.
Gilgamesh was on watch duty at this very moment.
Another round of firecrackers went off. Weren't humans supposed to be fragile? How could they possibly endure this kind of cacophony?! Thena walked faster. The sooner she could drop off this load the sooner she could leave.
The humans around her jumped like crickets.
"Here!" she belted, slamming down the half a barrel of supplies. She was still restraining herself. She didn't break it.
"Sorry, she's...sensitive to loud noises." She could hear Sersi making excuses for her as she walked away.
"Hey, Thena, ready for tonight?" Kingo shouted at her over the noise.
"No!"
Maybe she would owe Kingo an apology. He wasn't to blame for all the excitement. But he would accept it. Of all her teammates Kingo would probably be one of the only ones who would understand the extra snarl in her tone and the stomp of her feet.
"Thena."
This was the last thing she needed. She glared at Ikaris ahead of her. "Not now."
"There's no need for you to be like this," Ikaris continued to scold her. "I understand you're not happy about Gil being on watch all night. But that doesn't mean you can-"
Thena grabbed her brother's head, making sure to dig her thumb into his scruffy cheek, and slammed it into the wall next to them. It didn't bounce like a ball, and Phastos would make her come back and repair the hole in the bricks she had made. But she kept walking.
Curse this festival, curse the gunpowder and every wretched form it could take. The sooner this was over and the settlement went back to being a quiet, peaceful village, the better. Her skull felt like it was being split in half from the inside out. There were even times she could swear her vision would become white like the clouds.
Eternals couldn't suffer a stroke, but perhaps she would be the first.
Thena turned a corner and ducked down against the wall. She pressed her forehead to it. She didn't know which would shatter first, her tiara or her skull. But at least the stone was cold, the little alleyway was somewhat darker than the red sunset. Already fires were being set, and soon the sky would be alight.
The high pitched shrieking of the first few shot into the air. The rapid pops of the firecrackers weren't absent either. They wound together in a violent harmony. At least now that they had started, they did have to end at some point.
Thena remained sequestered in her little attempt at finding some peace and quiet. If Ajak hadn't insisted on abandoning the Domo back with the remains of Babylon she could have been seeking refuge on their nice, comfortable mothership. Instead she was trying to put her head through a wall, all but curled up like a child.
She wished she could be different for them; celebrating with her brothers and sisters. Sersi was happy to help with the festivities. Makkari and Sprite would be encouraging the locals to show them how to have a good time. Even Druig tended to loosen up at these things. Maybe Ikaris could be convinced to pull his head out of his ass.
She sighed. She couldn't stay here forever. Perhaps it would be better for her to start repairing the wall she had broken with Ikaris' face while everyone else was celebrating. Another firework screamed its way up into the sky. It exploded, casting her shadow over her feet. Anything would be better than moping around, waiting for Gilgamesh's return.
She had volunteered to cover his watch duty. It would relieve her from this madness. And Gil was more suited to parties. She was quite sure he had wanted to enjoy it, too. He had been talking about all the different foods made for the feast that would accompany all the noise.
"What are you doing down here?"
Thena closed her eyes again.
"Shouldn't you be with everyone in town? I bet there's some food you'll like."
She felt like her teeth could feel the sounds entering her ears. She shook her head, which only ruffled the crown of her hair pressed against the plaster. Until two hands gently pulled her away from the wall. She groaned.
Gil pulled her face into his chest, putting his hands over her ears. At last, it was quiet.
Thena sighed. The sounds of chaos faded to the back of her mind. The breath in Gil's lungs, the beat of his heart, the rustle and clanking of his armour replaced it all. She inhaled, repositioning her forehead under his jaw. "I thought you were gone all night."
"Kingo came and offered to switch with me," he excused lightly as he pressed his cheek to her hair. "Pretty generous of him."
Thena smiled; she liked Kingo. He was a good brother. And she was sure he would come to her later with a demand of satiating his kindness. But currently speaking, she would give him anything at all.
"You must be having a tough time." He spoke gently, and the sound of his voice rippled through their connected bodies. It reverberated deep in her head.
She picked her head up to look at him, his hands still over her ears. His hands were bigger than hers, and they were soft, and warm. She nodded. He turned her around in his arms so she could look up. The fireworks were going off. Maybe they weren't so bad - pretty, even - when they weren't destroying her ear canals.
Gilgamesh kissed the top of her head as they admired the show from their quiet little corner. "I'm sorry you suffered like this alone."
She shook her head. She leaned back on him; he supported her easily. She laid one hand across her waist at her hip and raised the other one to his cheek, tapping it affectionately.
"That one's pretty," Gilgamesh pointed out as a collection of white stars exploded in the sky and rained down. "Reminds me of you."
"Hm," she smiled; he was such a soft hearted thing. A green one twinkled, not deep like emerald but earthy, like jade. "You."
"Yeah, I guess so," he laughed, admiring the show with her.
By the time the rest of the Eternals came to find them, whether to chastise Thena for her temper or ask if she was still suffering physically, they needn't have. All they arrived to was her curled up in Gilgamesh's embrace, his hands over her ears, and her: using his heartbeat as whitenoise.
#Thenamesh#thank you so much for the ask!!#I hope you like it#I have been wanting to wr5ite something for them in China for so long#Sprite shows them ONE illusion and bam! gun powder#anyway if you've read my stuff for a while#you'll know I'm semi-obsessed with the fact that Makkari's shorthand for Thena's name#looks like a firework#Thena is having a rough time#firecrackers going off truly is terrifying#like a tiny little rapid thunderstorm#The rest of the Eternals are also like#okay it's kind of loud#maybe Ikaris also has a headache#the way I think Thena would be pushing and shoving him at every possible opportunity#especially when she's in a bad mood#she just wants to go to her room!#but they don't have the domo and she can't block out any sound without her big cuddly Gilgamesh#he says oh my poor Thena here sweetie let me help#Kingo later on: y'know I didn't have to relieve Gil earlier#Thena: fine whatever you want just leave us alone until tomorrow#she does repair the wall#and she lets Kingo have first dibs on the feast Gil makes for everyone#he's a little surprised#until he learns that Gil made Thena her own little personal sized dimsum buffet of all her favs#also to be real for a second#sensory issues would so be a thing for the Eternals I mean really
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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I CAN'T EVEN CRY IN PEACE BC EVERYBODY IS HOME FUCK OFF LEAVE. I NEED A FEW HOURS
#this isn't even called crying this is called bawling my eyes out#I LOVE HIM OKAY#and yes i might be extra emotional bc i think i'm ovulating leave me alone#I'M SO FUCKING SAD WHAT THE FUCKKK#dazai will be so mad#please#fix it#i don't even talk abt him all that much here but i love him okay i love him very much#mayor of loserville#bsd spoilers#bsd leaks
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Before I start:
as much as I love to complain, I have always tried to be hopeful, and positive, and I still will. And I obviously know that the livehood of real people are much more important and I do wish them the best, I really do.
But I need one moment. Just one moment where I can be selfishly negative and upset, bring back some of my worst traits and thoughts, and let them out before I can be back to still hope that somehow there was something in motion behind the scenes in preparation of something like that.
That said.
This is what I get for believing in something, having hope, and love something. I stopped caring for so many things during the years. The world is shit, the fields of my greatest passions are ruled by a bunch of greedy assholes, and my only way to protect myself was to stop caring, stop seeking new things to love only to find myself heartbroken again and again. I stopped, until there was only one thing left. And as much as I hoped that having just ONE thing would have saved me from this pain, it didn't. They're taking it away too.
How can I even try to hope for a better world, for a life that works for me, to be content with it, if they won't even let me keep my facorite show? What is the point of loving if I always end up hurting? Every morning I wake up and choose to look for the good things, and for what? It feels like there are less and less. Why even try?
I am so tired. Every time I work to reach something, I get knocked all the way back. Every time I love something, it gets taken away from me. I don't get to win. I don't get to look forward anything. Everything always gets worse. And I am so tired.
I want to have hope. I NEED to hope that somehow things will work out, and I know that I will keep to do so until they take it away from my dead body. But right now, all I want to do is cry, and all I wish for is for someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay.
#rwby#you all know this is about it so i will tag it#i won't elaborate to explain how this is also beyond it#i think that's clear enough#and i don't want other downers here please#if you can't offer me any comfort or hope then just leave me here alone to suffer#negativity#sad#rant#vent#still tagging this stuff to let people filter it out
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#obviously Dean but the person in the tags who said Nate Jacobs is seeing in shrimp colors. so wise
@pregnancykink STOLEN VALOR wee wooo🚨stolen valor HXSFVY
#kiddinggg of course i love you both and all other incestinas dearly 🥰#it's just funny to me i'm sorry i couldn't pass it by. genuinely just because i am out here working in the mines ALONE with#isa (the person hysgcy) checking on me and i'm like trying to pull her down and it's kind of working#but give my special shrimp vision a little credit 💀💀💀#KIDDING ok ok for real i don't need that all i need is impressionable people to indoctrinate.#other than the beloved isa (Not impressionable just similar in disposition We vibe. alright)#pss pss pss anyone want to watch something that's. actually i have no idea how to describe it or what to point out#euphoria is a gamble ig.#like it's bad i hate it but also did i not win and did it not take me over like the symbiote#so i wouldn't recommend it. unless you're bored#or you're weird like that and need new idiotic discourse in your life or something#or you're like me. or smth. like me in what aspects? well‚ [i turn around and leave]#kata.txt#euphoria
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In the universe in which Bruce Wayne and Joker are in a public relationship and are a power couple, I gots some thoughts.
So, Bruce visits Joker in Arkham or whatever. Like brings him flowers or something, I dunno. And someone says something about how they cannot BELIEVE billionaire Bruce Wayne would spend his time with someone who is mentally unstable enough to be in Arkham. Well, said someone's buisness suddenly fails when for some unbeknownst reason, Wayne Enterprises stop financially supporting said buisness.
Some time later, Joker and Bruce are at a gala. Bruce Wayne expierences autism 100 moment and someone goes ableism about it. Just a passing comment. And then after the rich socialite party, maybe two nights after, Joker doesn't kill them, but he sure does psychological torture.
#If you cannot tell by how I wrote this‚ my brain is fried.#It took all my strength not to call Joker 'the Jonker' and I'm proud I didn't.#I do not know WHY I've been thinking about Batjokes so much but I have.#And WHY CAN'T I FIND FICS LIKE THIS? I don't want Batman and Joker smooching!!!! No no no!#What I want is infamous criminal Joker and billionaire with social status Bruce Wayne gay married!#And the press won't leave them alone about it! The news is always telling stories. It's great for Bruce Wayne's cover!#All the headlines think Bruce Wayne is secretly some villain because how else is he gay married to Joker??????#Cuz he. Heem. Him. He's Batman.#And everytime Alfred forces Bruce to go to a gala and network‚ Joker is his date. And all the billionaires are scared out of their brains.#How is everyone so hyped up on the freak nature of Batman and Joker going at it freak style and not THIS?#I get the appeal‚ but this has layers of intriguing in another aspect that I feel isn't explored enough.#AND THERE ARE TOO MANY FANFICTIONS FOR ME TO SORT THROUGH TO FIND SOMETHING LIKE THIS!#And think about it! If Joker lives with Bruce Wayne‚ and everyone knows where Bruce Wayne lives‚ and Joker does some joking...#And Batman goes to handle the situation‚ it would make a REALLY good excuse if anyone notices Batman going into the Wayne residence.#Batman can be like 'Oh no. I'm not here after a long day of crime fighting cuz I live here!!! I'm here to interrogate Joker!'#And then everyone smiles and nods.#autistic Bruce Wayne#Sentiments of a vampire.#batjokes
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Muzz!!! Hello I hope you're doing well waa!
I hope you're sleeping also!! squints my eyes at you (affectionate)
KIBS!!!! HELLO KIBBS HI. I'm doing alright thank you for asking!! I hope YOU are doing FANTASTIC!!!!!! don't look at my sleep schedule though. it's fine I promise it's FINE but don't. look at it ok
#hi Kibs not to sound dramatic or anything but um. this ask made me sniffle. a little#i WISH i was joking but that's how things are rn#i have been feeling a little Not Great about my lack of presence over here on this webbed site#because I miss you I miss my friends#and I don't participate in the many many discord group chats i'm in because I am shy and bad at initiating conversation#and i don't participate in magmas because i'm too self conscious for magmas#but that just leaves me in a corner ALONE like a LOSER while everyone else is partying. like that one meme#which is something i could totally fix myself in under a day if i just got myself out there but that has yet to happen#ALL OF THIS TO SAY#I was touched by you reaching out and I'm going to be hugging this ask to my chest for the next few hours. days even#THANK YOU ILU I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I HOPE YOUR DAY/NIGHT IS WONDERFUL AND YOU GET LOTS OF SLEEP
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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
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not to beat a dead horse but jesus christ can you just leave people alone in public bathrooms i just want to fucking piss girl i'm so tired of feeling anxious and trying to avoid using public bathrooms because of how fucking weird cis people are about it. i tried to go into the bathroom at work today (i have worked here for years) and this woman who has worked here for two weeks and doesn't know me laughed and tried to like. steer me in the direction of the men's toilet instead and was like "wrong way!" are you fucking kidding me fuck off
#i have worked in this building for years. i know where the fucking bathroom is#like i'm sorry but cis people just don't want me in any bathroom at this point. i can't fucking win#i'm not kidding you i didn't really think that people in real life would actually make a fuss over who is in the bathroom#but at uni specifically i have had A LOT of people in the womens bathroom awkwardly tell me “uh i think you're in the wrong bathroom haha”#they're not even doing it in an antagonistic way it's like they genuinely think i've walked into the wrong one#and it makes ME feel like a creep or like i've done something wrong#like you guys are the ones that insist i should be in this bathroom !!!! but then i go in there and get told i'm in the wrong one !!!!#it's one of the few things that never fails to make me feel anxious and sad because it's a fucking bathroom it shouldn't be a big deal#why am i being made to feel like i've done something wrong when i'm just trying to exist here like everyone else#and you know what. it doesn't matter how i identify right. because i've actually done nothing to intentionally masculanise my appearance#like the entire time i've been out. i had short hair before i came out and i dressed this way before i came out#i have not done anything to try and Look Like A Man or Look Cis. i just have masc bone structure NATURALLY#so for all you know i could just be a woman with short hair ????? and you're telling me i don't belong in here because of that ??#like sure i'm NOT a woman with short hair but my point is you literally cannot tell the difference#so just leave people alone
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