#sensory issues would so be a thing for the Eternals I mean really

[softquietsteadylove]

could you write about Thena being very sensitive to loud noises and Gil comforting her by covering her ears etc. love your work!!

"Um, Thena?"

"What?!"

Heads turned towards the usually quiet Warrior Eternal. It wasn't just that her voice was soft, it was that she was usually on the reticent side. But everyone all but trembled as she barked at them all.

Sersi froze on the spot, her hand half extended in front of her. "I-I was just wondering if...never mind."

Thena sighed. Her face was still somewhat twisted into a deeply displeased expression. But she walked closer to her. "I'm sorry, Sersi. What did you need?"

The Elemental Eternal still hesitated, but she tried to force the words out. "W-Well, this batch is ready--if you could help us all carry them to the centre square. If you can't that's okay!"

"It's fine," the Warrior Eternal grumbled, already walking past her sister towards the piles upon piles of fire crackers they had fashioned for the festival. It was a celebration for the new lunar cycle. They were doing their duty by helping the locals with their cultural traditions.

The humans backed away as Thena leaned over to pick up their burden for them. They muttered a little, bowing and smiling. It was closer to cowering than anything.

All things considered, she probably should have done more to discourage their fear--assure them that she was here to help. But as more fireworks 'tests' went off her face was simply unable to relax. "It's nothing."

Even Sersi gave her some space as they began walking. Their loads were large, perhaps suspiciously large but not impossibly. Sersi cleared her throat, "how are you doing?"

"Fine."

Sersi tried again. "Really? I know they're testing the gun powder a lot lately. And I'm sure no one would say anything if you didn't want to-"

"I'm fine, Sersi." Thena walked ahead, towards the head splitting ruckus taking place in the centre of town. As Sersi said, the tests for their celebrations were happening near constantly now that they were so close.

Phastos was proud of their quick advancement with the new chemical compound. Sersi and Ajak were delighted to learn about what they had developed culturally around this time of year and what it meant to them. The 'younger' ones - as Thena considered them were just excited to have a night that wasn't fighting and watch duty and diplomacy and watch duty and sparring with Ikaris and more watch duty.

Gilgamesh was on watch duty at this very moment.

Another round of firecrackers went off. Weren't humans supposed to be fragile? How could they possibly endure this kind of cacophony?! Thena walked faster. The sooner she could drop off this load the sooner she could leave.

The humans around her jumped like crickets.

"Here!" she belted, slamming down the half a barrel of supplies. She was still restraining herself. She didn't break it.

"Sorry, she's...sensitive to loud noises." She could hear Sersi making excuses for her as she walked away.

"Hey, Thena, ready for tonight?" Kingo shouted at her over the noise.

"No!"

Maybe she would owe Kingo an apology. He wasn't to blame for all the excitement. But he would accept it. Of all her teammates Kingo would probably be one of the only ones who would understand the extra snarl in her tone and the stomp of her feet.

"Thena."

This was the last thing she needed. She glared at Ikaris ahead of her. "Not now."

"There's no need for you to be like this," Ikaris continued to scold her. "I understand you're not happy about Gil being on watch all night. But that doesn't mean you can-"

Thena grabbed her brother's head, making sure to dig her thumb into his scruffy cheek, and slammed it into the wall next to them. It didn't bounce like a ball, and Phastos would make her come back and repair the hole in the bricks she had made. But she kept walking.

Curse this festival, curse the gunpowder and every wretched form it could take. The sooner this was over and the settlement went back to being a quiet, peaceful village, the better. Her skull felt like it was being split in half from the inside out. There were even times she could swear her vision would become white like the clouds.

Eternals couldn't suffer a stroke, but perhaps she would be the first.

Thena turned a corner and ducked down against the wall. She pressed her forehead to it. She didn't know which would shatter first, her tiara or her skull. But at least the stone was cold, the little alleyway was somewhat darker than the red sunset. Already fires were being set, and soon the sky would be alight.

The high pitched shrieking of the first few shot into the air. The rapid pops of the firecrackers weren't absent either. They wound together in a violent harmony. At least now that they had started, they did have to end at some point.

Thena remained sequestered in her little attempt at finding some peace and quiet. If Ajak hadn't insisted on abandoning the Domo back with the remains of Babylon she could have been seeking refuge on their nice, comfortable mothership. Instead she was trying to put her head through a wall, all but curled up like a child.

She wished she could be different for them; celebrating with her brothers and sisters. Sersi was happy to help with the festivities. Makkari and Sprite would be encouraging the locals to show them how to have a good time. Even Druig tended to loosen up at these things. Maybe Ikaris could be convinced to pull his head out of his ass.

She sighed. She couldn't stay here forever. Perhaps it would be better for her to start repairing the wall she had broken with Ikaris' face while everyone else was celebrating. Another firework screamed its way up into the sky. It exploded, casting her shadow over her feet. Anything would be better than moping around, waiting for Gilgamesh's return.

She had volunteered to cover his watch duty. It would relieve her from this madness. And Gil was more suited to parties. She was quite sure he had wanted to enjoy it, too. He had been talking about all the different foods made for the feast that would accompany all the noise.

"What are you doing down here?"

Thena closed her eyes again.

"Shouldn't you be with everyone in town? I bet there's some food you'll like."

She felt like her teeth could feel the sounds entering her ears. She shook her head, which only ruffled the crown of her hair pressed against the plaster. Until two hands gently pulled her away from the wall. She groaned.

Gil pulled her face into his chest, putting his hands over her ears. At last, it was quiet.

Thena sighed. The sounds of chaos faded to the back of her mind. The breath in Gil's lungs, the beat of his heart, the rustle and clanking of his armour replaced it all. She inhaled, repositioning her forehead under his jaw. "I thought you were gone all night."

"Kingo came and offered to switch with me," he excused lightly as he pressed his cheek to her hair. "Pretty generous of him."

Thena smiled; she liked Kingo. He was a good brother. And she was sure he would come to her later with a demand of satiating his kindness. But currently speaking, she would give him anything at all.

"You must be having a tough time." He spoke gently, and the sound of his voice rippled through their connected bodies. It reverberated deep in her head.

She picked her head up to look at him, his hands still over her ears. His hands were bigger than hers, and they were soft, and warm. She nodded. He turned her around in his arms so she could look up. The fireworks were going off. Maybe they weren't so bad - pretty, even - when they weren't destroying her ear canals.

Gilgamesh kissed the top of her head as they admired the show from their quiet little corner. "I'm sorry you suffered like this alone."

She shook her head. She leaned back on him; he supported her easily. She laid one hand across her waist at her hip and raised the other one to his cheek, tapping it affectionately.

"That one's pretty," Gilgamesh pointed out as a collection of white stars exploded in the sky and rained down. "Reminds me of you."

"Hm," she smiled; he was such a soft hearted thing. A green one twinkled, not deep like emerald but earthy, like jade. "You."

"Yeah, I guess so," he laughed, admiring the show with her.

By the time the rest of the Eternals came to find them, whether to chastise Thena for her temper or ask if she was still suffering physically, they needn't have. All they arrived to was her curled up in Gilgamesh's embrace, his hands over her ears, and her: using his heartbeat as whitenoise.

[transpanda07]

So how do autistic vampires work? Like we call know that your senses get really heightened when you're turned, but how badly would that affect autistic people who already have sensory issues?

I'm already really sensitive to light, sound, smell etc. to the point where I can hear electrical devices buzzing and kinda screeching? It's annoying as hell and can literally be painful so I can't even imagine how bad it would be for a newly turned vamp.

I remember there's a Castle audio vid where Celine comforts a pretty new vamp during a thunderstorm because it was so overwhelming for them, I'm not sure if Redacted has a similar video but both universes have established the whole heightened senses thing, right?

My biggest question is, could an autistic vampire have such a bad reaction to it that it triggers a bloodlust-like state?

During the inversion, Vincent told David that bloodlust wouldn't set in for a few days after Lovely's turning so does that mean bloodlust is something that always happens to new turns? From my memory, I'm pretty sure that's where Castle's vampires differ since bloodlust seems like a much more serious, finally ditch attempt for a starving vamp to save themselves.

Could an autistic vampire becoming extremely overstimulated cause bloodlust? Could textural issues cause them to hate the taste or texture of blood, leading them to unintentionally starve themselves to avoid further discomfort?

When non-autistic vamps adjust to their new life, we know their senses level out a bit and become more manageable, but would that happen for autistic vamps? Are their sensory issues completely levelled out and easier to block out, or would they just kinda return to how they were as a human and still deal with regular overstimulation for eternity?

I've always loved vampires and liked the idea of being one in these universes, but if heightened senses can literally drive autistic vamps to the brink of death... yeah I might pass on the whole 'eternal life' thing lmao

[gorgeousgreymatter-x]

CW: contains non-graphic smut, allusions to Steve’s sensory issues/PTSD. Also, this headcanon is based off personal experience, so I don’t wanna hear “UMM ACCCTUALLY THAT’S NOT WHAT X IS LIKE BECAUSE I —” blah blah I don’t fucking care lol

It hadn’t taken long for Eddie to realize it, how sensitive Steve is. See how easy it is for him to get overwhelmed — a mix of head trauma and a hefty dose of PTSD, and it’s not like Eddie can be surprised. How sometimes the lights get too bright or sounds get too loud. Sometimes even Eddie touching him gets to be too much, and Steve ends up flinching away from the tidal wave of sensation and stimuli threatening to drown him.

But not always. Sometimes, Eddie’s hands on him, it feels like that’s exactly what Steve needs. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t terrify Eddie a little when Steve comes to him when he’s like that, when Steve feels like spun glass, so fragile under his palms that the slightest bit of pressure might break him. Shatter him to pieces.

Sometimes it feels like that’s exactly what Steve wants.

The first time they have sex, after, when Eddie’s got Steve pulled in close against his chest, both of them still catching their breath, Steve…he shakes. Trembles in Eddie’s arms for what feels like an eternity, even though it’s probably only a minute or two. And up until then, Eddie’d been operating under the assumption that, you know, things had gone pretty well.

So naturally Eddie had panicked a little and assumed the worst – that he had fucked up, done something wrong, hurt Steve, somehow managed to blow up whatever this was between them before it ever really got the chance to start. But Steve had only sniffled and shaken his head at Eddie’s slightly frantic, more than frazzled, "Stevie. Baby…you okay?"

"I'm – it's okay. It's nothing bad. You just – s'a lot, Eds," Steve had whispered finally, hiding his soft smile like a secret pressed into Eddie's scarred chest. "You make me feel…a lot."

Eddie would have liked to say he'd understood at the time, but he hadn't. Not yet. Not quite. "A good a lot?" he'd asked, worrying nervously at his lip with his teeth.

"Definitely good."

Eddie worries less about it after that, the more he learns to read Steve, the more intimately familiar he becomes with his reactions. The different noises Steve makes when Eddie touches him a certain way. Touches him there, kisses him here. Counts the freckles on Steve's lower back with his tongue. How dark Steve's eyes look as he gazes up at Eddie when he's all needy and desperate and fucked out enough that he's as liquid as the melted ice cream Eddie’d sucked off Steve's upper lip on the hottest night of the summer just weeks ago. 

"Thought maybe it would get better, you know…easier," Eddie murmurs one night, running soothing fingertips up and down the ladder of Steve’s spine while Steve clings to him. Because maybe some part of him had kind of figured Steve would just get used to it. Like exposure therapy or some shit, but it happens like this still most times. Steve shivering like some frightened little animal, his fingernails hooked like anchors into Eddie's wrist like he and it are the only port in the storm.

Only he can see Steve's flushed cheeks, his drunken, dreamy-eyed expression. Knows without a doubt he's the farthest from frightened he can be. "I don't know…thought so too. But I think…I think it's because each time ��" Steve starts before trailing off, sheepish. " — still feels like the first time."

Eddie thinks, pressing a wolfish (if not a little bit preening) grin into the back of Steve's neck, maybe he gets it now.

He finds doesn't really need to ask after that.

[green-tea-in-absinthe-bottle]

THE NIGHT BELONGS TO YOU CHAPTER 3

Blade x fem reader fanfic

MASTERLIST

Summary of part 3 - Reader lives among stellaron hunters, makes genuine connections and slowly becomes one of them

Chapter 3 – Tangled up like branches in a flood 

Between playing games with Silver Wolf at which Y/n sucked, ( but enjoyed them, so who cares) and conversations with Elio (she was told by Destiny’s Slave himself to refer to him as such after short time) weeks passed quickly and happily with Stellaron Hunters. 

 Y/n couldn’t say that she wasn’t treated well, her room was spacious and comfortable one with king sized bed and huge bookshelf full of grimoires, they even put up a little herb garden in her room. She had supplies for her numerous hobbies, yarn for crochet and knitting, painting tools, even her favourite instrument to practice with to Kafka’s delight as she always craved some company while honing her violin skills.  

She was quickly introduced to her share of housework which wasn’t a terrible one, she got to do things she didn’t really mind doing especially those that others didn’t like, overall it wasn’t overwhelming. If anything she was too proud to admit but it seemed life together was much easier, at least no more triggering her sensory issues with washing dishes. With time her attachment to Stellaron Hunters grew.  

They behaved towards each other like a found family and there was nothing Arkonian missed more than her own one. Maybe that’s why she loved how Blade and Silver Wolf’s friendship looked like? Each time she noticed them joke around together and spend quality time regardless if it was work-related, going out in disguise to enjoy festivals or parallel play when Wolf gamed  and Blade slept with his eyes open next to her -  y/n thought about her father and how they used to do that too, minus the whole incognito thing.  

She wasn’t the part of their dynamic, yet it still brought her comfort. Even when she spent time with Silver Wolf Blade almost never spoke to her, despite his gaze always finding her and observing her every move.  

 - Y/n, would you like to play Tekken with me? Blade hurt his hand again, he can’t hold the controller properly. - Wolfie casually suggested, giving him a piece of bubble gum. He took it gently into his bandaged hand. Fresh blood was visible on white material. 

 - Sure, why not. Tekken 7 or 8? I main Kazumi or Jun. 

 - You like Mishimas’s girls? - teen teased her.  

 - What can I say, they have great taste in women, I mean... Have you seen Jun’s leg cutter move? So hot. - y/n didn’t even try to pretend she was normal about those characters. - By the way, what happened to our friend?  

 He winced at the word she chose to describe him with but didn’t oppose when y/n sat on the floor between his and Wolfie’s legs. She didn’t want to get the chips crumbs scrambled here and there on the couch stuck on her black pants.  

 - During the mission some glass shards from broken window cut his hand. Don’t worry, he heals much faster than average person, his curse does come with a few blessings. - Wolfie answered instead of the man, who looked like he wanted to say a few bitter words about such unwanted “blessings” that only delay his eternal rest. Unbothered by his grumpiness girl continued. - Here is your controller, we play the new Tekken. Blade just bought it for me today.  

 - That’s very kind of him. - y/n admitted. She only earned unamused glance from the man.  

 - He is way nicer than he seems to be at first, you will understand.  

Out of 7 matches they played y/n won only two, but claimed to be good at Tekken. Just, you know, trying new techniques for fun and gawking at Jun’s design. Wolfie turned out to be Yoshimitsu main but tried Hwoarang once. Blade didn’t utter a word through the whole game but passed them snacks from nearby table. Perhaps those spicy shrimp chips were enough for y/n to forget how annoying he could be sometimes. Did she imagine this or did he really gave up last few chips from his bowl so she could have them? 

*** 

Later, when Silver Wolf and Y/N were alone the former reassured her.  

 - Don’t worry about Blade, he isn’t in the best place mentally. He usually avoids outsiders like a plague. You are new here and we don’t know yet for how long will you be willing to stay with us or if we can trust you. It’s already a miracle he sits next to you out of his own will, I think he doesn’t dislike you. - girl grinned.  

 - I don’t know about that. - y/n laughed in response – Your gloomy friend constantly  stares at me like he wants to see all my previous lifetimes.  

Hacker cackled wildly at that.  

 - Oh come on, he’s not that bad. He is just... A bit intense. But trust me, he doesn’t hate you. You would know if he would. You haven’t seen him like that yet, he’s like some fallen angel of revenge. 

 - Sounds like I really don’t want to get on his bad side. - medium scrunched her nose. 

Even more often she marveled at Blade’s friendship with Firefly, the girl that craved life but hers was meant to be cut short, while he craved nothing more than for his immortal suffering to come to end, he could find some hope for peace only in death, just like one of Y/N’s relatives back then on Arkona... Yet Firefly and Blade deeply respected each other, understood each other in a way nobody else ever did and took care of each other in subtle way. It was so sweet.  

In general, y/n considered the way everybody here accommodated disabled people of the group without infantilising them or making them seem like a burden. For example – Blade let girls play on his phone, but when he needed them to type a message to somebody which was hard for him to do because of constant stiffness of his hands – he didn’t need to ask them twice even in the middle of unstoppable game. Perhaps the pain in his hands is the reason  why he barely used his phone in general. He always spoke to the girls with respect, never let them feel inferior despite age difference, y/n chose to believe that the day he got his ass kicked by Sam was not the only reason why. 

Firefly’s entropy loss syndrome wasn’t a tabu, nobody tried to pretend it wasn’t there, but it was not a secret that time spent together was precious to them due to her shortened lifespan. She was always the closest with Blade, yet y/n suspected the one who cherished her the most was Kafka herself. The problem is even if Kafka tried her best at being there for Firefly  it only seemed to create more distance.   

Y/n believed in Kafka’s good intentions towards her crewmates. She always checked on their wellbeing, listened to Silver Wolf’s ideas when nobody else took them seriously  and she was the one covering for them in front of the boss when they ignored the script on missions. The way in which girls asked her if they can bend the rules a bit each time made y/n remember how she used to ask her auntie to calm her mother down later if she wanted to misbehave. Despite that, y/n believed that Kafka, so known for being completely fearless, tried to shield herself from others to avoid getting too close. 

It came to her mind one day while she was cleaning and organizing Kafka’s collection of coats alongside it’s owner. 

 - This one might need to be repaired before it gets back into the closet. - y/n suggested. 

 - What is it dear? - woman furrowed her brow, taking a look at damaged sleeve Arkonian held in front of her. - Is that blood? I really liked this one...- she sighed. - Don’t worry cutie, the blood definitely isn’t mine. 

 While that woman was always charming, polite and elegant – she was also a mysterious one, doing her best to not pick up any  personal topics. She clearly wanted company, valued people around her and in some way, y/n was sure she needed them. Yet, she never truly let go of her defences.  She seemed to be honest with you, telling you things without sugarcoating, but at the end of the day you didn’t really knew who she was. She didn’t lie but she never opened up either. 

At one point this enigmatic woman put down the last one of her coats and looked up at the painting hanging on the wall. Artificial light enhanced her facial features, emphasized her subtle expression. Kafka had that kind of sadness in her eyes y/n only saw in people who lost somebody who meant world to them, full of regret as if her soul could burst out of the seams under the weight of words unsaid, unconfessed feelings. Quickly, she concealed those emotions and closed the closet door. Y/n didn’t ask about it. 

 She didn’t want to pry, sometimes we need to let people keep their secrets, it’s a form of dignity too, like clothing that covers your body. Y/n knew better than anyone else – it's not a good thing to show your open wounds to people. After all Arkona left a hole in her heart that will never heal. 

Still, she tried to fill it, went out to run whenever she could, hiked the mountains to feel the blood rush through her body. To feel alive. Usually Firefly joined her during those activities, when you know you don’t have much time left you try to make every day meaningful. More often than not she had to take on SAM form during those to not overwhelm her body. To Firefly having a chance to see the beauty of nature, of world around herself – that was everything, and she couldn’t bear the thought of losing it one day. 

 During one of those hikes Y/n sat down next to younger girl on a boulder and passed her a thermos full of hot chocolate. They looked up at the setting sun, while two out of three moons this particular planet they chose to roam had slowly showed on the sky as pale crescents. Memories flood y/n’s mind. She turned her head towards her friend, only to see Firefly observing her with understanding in her eyes.  

 - Can I tell you something I haven’t told anybody else?- Y/n whispered with trembling voice.  

 - Of course, did something happen? - girl seemed to be concerned. 

 - Back then, on my home planet I used to live next to the mountain,  it used to be known in common language as Saintcross, our original name would sound too strange to you. You know what kind of reputation Arkonian language has. Whenever harsh winds and storms destroyed roofs of the houses in nearby villages my mother used to pray to Saintcross so it keeps us safe... She used to say it’s like a natural shield against those. I didn’t always believe that, cause in the area around them harsh winds were not uncommon but our home stood safe through it so I guess her prayers were listened to. Till the abominations came and split my mountains apart. - Arkonian’s face was wet with all the tears and she trembled so hard Firefly noticed it despite thick winter jacket covering y/n’s body .– Then there was nothing to protect us anymore. Nothing to pray to. Smoke covered sky so no stars shone above us at night and no sun was to be seen at day. 

Firefly didn’t knew what to do when people cried so she just held y/n till she calmed down. Then she spoke as well. 

 - My kind was meant to live fast and die in the flames of battle. In my lifetime I saw my comrades die again and again, I’m was used to losing those around me, that at some point I truly, foolishly believed that I can’t feel grief. We were made to fight Swarm but we lived like a hivemind ourselves. Only our purpose mattered, not who we were. To some extend we were made to believe we were all the same, like army of clones. - she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Arkonian’s arms around her tightened. - One thing I really need to do before enthropy takes me away from this world is to learn who I am. Only I myself can give sense to my life. I was made to burn, so in this fire I will forge myself in any shape I desire. - ambition shone in her eyes with intensity of the sun itself.  

 - I am sure you will reach your goal, maybe even to some extent it’s already done. - y/n gently smiled. 

 - Why would you say that? - girl livened up a bit. 

 - I never saw anybody burn as bright as you do. Take in everything like you do. Embrace life in all it’s colors. All stars shine in the sky but my people always looked up to the brightest ones. You remind me so much of myself from my younger days in that aspect, I used to beg my family to take me up the mountain as often as possible, just so I could feel closer to divinity of sun,  clouds and constellations. It made me feel so alive I wanted to scream from mountaintop. - y/n sighed. - Not to mention, growing up I had both a sweet tooth and tendency to try unconventional meals, I bet we would eat Oak Cake Rolls together if we knew each other back then. You need to try my favourite Anyżki cookies as well. 

 - Oh, do you know how to make them? I can use SAM's heating ability to help you bake them. - Firefly flexed a bit with a tiny smirk. 

 - Ummm...I need to refresh my memory, but as soon as I put my hands on that recipe we get to work bestie. 

Firefly took of her helmet and put her head on y/n's shoulder with pleased expression on her face. They watched as the third moon became visible, distant howling of wolves filled the atmosphere. Arkonian felt like in trance, tranquil after the storm of her emotions drained her energy. She sobered up once the first moon begun to set. 

- Maybe we should go. It’s getting late and I overheard Elio talk to Blade about something to do early in the morning tomorrow if everything goes well. - y/n’s voice interrupted peaceful moment they shared.  

Firefly got up and they walked back in complete silence, no words were needed. 

 Y/n didn’t know if her friend told anybody about what happened, but after she came down to the kitchen that night to get some pills for her insomnia, she met Kafka who silently gave her a cup of hot milk with honey with reassuring smile on her face.  

When she returned to her bedroom she found burning lavender incense placed on her bedside table, next to the small bouquet of red flowers identical to those Blade always had with himself. She didn’t recall putting any of those there, but was to tired to worry about that. Lavender managed to put her at ease, out of nowhere quiet violin music as hypnotizing as Kafka’s voice reached her ears and put her to sleep. For the first time since the fall of Arkona – she had no nightmares.  

*** 

Humming to herself y/n cheerfully went to Elio’s office. She felt so much better after that night, her first one of good sleep in years. Right before she reached for door handle her mind was engulfed with vision of way too bright light that caused her pain and out of it stepped Terminus holding a star in his hand, complicated sigil  drawn on it’s surface. Y/n felt her legs give up, she expected her body to hit the floor but then she felt the embrace of two strong arms, smell of fresh blood and Red Spider Lily flowers. Red, observant eyes of darkhaired male attentively checked for the shadow of discomfort in her eyes as he picked her up. She felt her cheeks blush under his gaze. 

 - Are you alright? - he asked.  

She wondered why a man with such an attractive, manly voice speaks so rarely. Yet when he did usually it was a witty response or a sharp remark. Out of all Stellaron Hunters he was the hardest to connect to, even Kafka allowed her closer than he ever did. Always so fixated on his pain and deathwish, he avoided anything that could get him attached back to his life, with exception of other Stellaron Hunters. Y/n hoped one day this privilege will also be hers to enjoy. She snapped out of her thoughts as Blade got concerned with her silence.  

 - I just had a vision. I need to go to Elio’s office, he should hear about this. 

 - No way I will let you go there on your own, you barely stand. - Blade sighed. - Let me carry you there if that really can’t wait.  

 *** 

Elio raised his tail up in excitement while he looked at the sigil’s sketch in front of him. 

 - So that’s what Terminus meant by those words last week. If I understand correctly this thing over here might be a special charm, when it’s put on a proper mechanism it allows to extract energy from stellarons, this might be a true revolution. Can you imagine? If we could use all those stellarons we sealed through the years to our advantage, one of the biggest threats against humanity working in it’s favour. Do you remember prototype we build in hopes of achieving such thing? 

 - Yes, I made sure craftsman working on it were the absolute best I could find. - claimed confidently Blade. - I took part of planning it’s design by myself, nothing had a chance to go wrong under my watch even if I couldn’t work on it with my hands. Yet, we failed. Do you suggest infusion could help the machine work in a more stable way? 

 - That’s what I believe Terminus tried to tell me. There is no time to waste, we need to act without hesitation. Y/n, are you ready for your first mission for Stellaron Hunters? - Elio asked tho he already knew the answer.  

 - Of course. - Y/n hurriedly assured him. - I am ready. 

 - Good – he purred in response – There is a stellaron in hands of IPC nearby that we can try your sigil and Blade’s machine on. Grab it from the workshop and you are ready to go. According to my visions everything should go smoothly. I will give you coordinates of the object, you must attempt to seal it within machine and bring it here. Blade already knows this particular base, he and Kafka had a mission there last week. It should be easy for you guys to not get caught redhanded. I don’t expect many guards in your way. Two of you will set off without delay.  

 *** 

Blade threw microwave-sized machine at the backseat of the red, old-fashioned car and closed the door. He sat at the drivers place. Y/n noticed how he checked in a discreet way if her seatbelt is fixed. She didn’t want to disturb him while he was driving so she concentrated on the highway in front of her. Not even ten minutes have passed when he initiated a conversation to her surprise. 

 - Aren’t you shocked that I know how to drive? People usually ask me about it. Not very unexpected concern if you take my narcolepsy, suicidal tendencies and constant mara attacks into consideration. - his eyes didn’t leave the road the whole time but she noticed a slight crooked grin on his face.  

 - Not very much, Silver Wolf told me you used to be a blacksmith on Xianzhou Zhuming, Furnace Master even. I worked there, infusing their weapons with charms, so I know just how much effort and talent it takes to achieve something like this in such place, full of geniuses. I am aware you created many complicated machines during your previous lifetime, so naturally I thought you would be into all things related to such things. - she tried so hard to not say anything stupid but butterflies she felt in her stomach betrayed her time and time again.  

 - So you two gossip about me in your free time? I could convince Kafka to give you both some more responsibilities around the house. Separately. - he threatened but badly hidden smile on his face showed he wasn’t really upset. - How are things on Xianzhou? I bet those self-centered, arrogant idiots haven’t changed a bit since I last saw them. Always so proud, on their Xianzhou ships, yet completely delusional in their pursuits. They condemned me but their sins are way heavier than mine. - Blade laughed in a bitter way. Since when was he so talkative? He never spoke much, but when she was around the most you could get out of him was maybe a short sentence despite the way he looked at her constantly. 

 - To be fair the only reason it still stands is general Jing Yuan. - y/n dared to criticize Xianzhou as she still felt betrayed by them after people she trusted almost handed her to IPC – He seems to be the only person there that uses their brain for something, so he is used by them day and night, he barely sleeps. 

 - It must be hard on him, I don’t remember much from my previous life including some habits of my former friends,  but from what I’ve heard his sleepiness is legendary. 

 - He is even called the slumbering general. - y/n admitted with a giggle. She hoped it wasn’t too enthusiastic. The thought of Blade somehow discovering her crush on Jing Yuan when she had a bit of a crush on him as well just didn’t sit with her right. Could you blame her? Almost every girl on Xianzhou Xianzhou was enchanted by talented general.  

 - Did they treat you well? - Blade looked at her this time, she knew she couldn’t lie under his penetrating gaze. He would figure her out in seconds.  

 - Yes, they did. I found many good colleagues in the forgery, but I never really became friends with anybody. I mostly kept to myself. The closest to a friend I had was Master Zhang.  

 - I don’t recall such name. - Blade slightly frowned.  

 - He was the one that warned me about IPC trying to get me, without him they would catch me without problem.- she mentioned Zhang with gratitude in her heart.  - Everybody else had no issue with turning me in, at least from what I’ve heard. I guess current Furnace Master didn’t plan to stay silent when he saw what my enchanted weapon could do if he could get on the good side of IPC at the tiny cost of one of his employees.  

Blade chuckled darkly.  

 - They turned their back on me as well. - his gaze went numb, he seemed to recall past grudges. Through gritted teeth he murmured – Out of five....three must pay the price. 

His grip on the driving wheel tightened. Y/n wondered if he was about to get mara struck and how should she behave if that happens, when a bullet broke the car glass in front of them and flew right by her left ear. 

[eolewyn1010]

Amateur sewing - Red Riding Hood

So, uh... I've sewn a thing.

I'm reusing an old curtain here, it's polyester. It looks nice in theory, but I'm not even going to try and pretend it's anything else than 100% plastic. 140 cm x 140 cm square for the cloak, approximately an eternity of hemming.

Behold! Two different sets of lines that don't actually say anything because I can't do math and had to do the pleating, like, a dozen times.

First half of a box pleat in the making, 7 cm wide. I wanted a pretty drape for the back, and we're getting there.

Box pleat in the middle, additional knife pleat on either side. When I realized that the cloak was still too wide to fit into the shoulder capelet the way I wanted it, I cartridge-pleated the outer several centimeters up to the knife pleats.

Speaking of, shoulder capelet! I started out with two 40 cm x 40 cm squares outer fabric and the same size of lining. The lining is the rest of a duvet cover I began slaughtering for lining a while ago, cotton, because I may be cheap but I'm not suicidal. Don't want that much polyester directly on my skin. I sewed the squares together and hemmed them all around except for the corners where I still had to figure out how much I needed for my neck, and that got me to the yoke shape you can see above.

Could I have gotten away with a more practical closure than buttons? Yeah, definitely. Especially since this "fabric" frays like a bitch. I can actually do a darling buttonhole stitch, but you wouldn't be able to tell from this because I was working against the fabric. Then again, I had these buttons lying for around for far too long; they were presents from a friend and I never got a use for them. A fantasy-ish Red Riding Hood cape with zero historical basis seemed like the way to go, and I love them.

The finished capelet was kinda uselessly bunching around the neck, but I didn't much bother with that because there's still a hood waiting to go there. The way it fell over the arms when I didn't spread them was a bit more annoying, so I took in a tiny lil dart on each side, back and front.

I wanted a huge-ass hood for this. In the end, it would have probably been wiser to use the bigger squares for the shoulder capelet, but I have no regrets. Same story as with the capelet, just a lot less complicated; off with the corner and in with the lining.

That's how the whole mess looks on the inside of the capelet, the back of the hood cartridge-pleated down until it fit the neck opening. It's not pretty, but I really fastened every tuck twice and thrice. Then the cloak... oh boy, that nearly broke me. But I sewed it in around the back half of the neck opening so that it came out in the centers of my shoulders, and from there in a 90 degree-angle down the back. It ran out in that L shape you can see up there, not so much because I intended it but because I didn't have the best control over the cartridge-pleated outer part of the cloak.

And after I sent around the poll... I just went and did the opposite of its result ^^' I did end up putting the fancy golden trim around the capelet instead of the hood bc 1st, people I asked live said it'd look better there, and 2nd @kittycatalex made a pretty good point for sensory issues. And it looks so nice. Look at this big hood. I can play such a shady figure in this. The whole cloak is a bit top-heavy because the hood is bigger than the capelet, and the cloak doesn't have any lining, but that only means that the back can dramatically go whoooosh when I move. And when I don't move - behold that drape! So worth the bother!

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

Yk I never really wanted to get married

I'm poly so the whole thing seems like a hassle of making my partners possibly feel like one one I love the most because I am married to them, I'm also aro/ace so who knows how marriage would work for me and I'm also autistic so just the concept of having a wedding seems like a nightmare- the lights, the people, the sound, the uncomfortable clothes, the social pressure- I cannot do it. The pure thought of having a wedding makes me want to scream

But recently I started dating this boy... and holy shit.

He is the one. He is the one I want.

All of my partners aside from him I am dating more casually, I love them but I wouldn't consider any of it very serious relationships.

Don't get me wrong I love all of my other partners just as much, but him oh my god.

I want to spend my life with him. I want to be with him forever. I want to live with him to make a life with him.

The thought of me proposing to him makes me all blushy and the thought of him calling me his husband makes me scream with joy and I will actually cry of happiness if I take a second to imagine what our first dance would look like and oh my god I am such a fucking simp for him damn.

I don't know if he feels this way. I mean, marriage is out of the question since we live far apart and because of other circumstances and we have only been officially dating for a few months (we have known eachother and have been flirting for far longer then that) but oh my god him.

He tells me how much he loves me and we get along wonderfully, he professes his love everyday and in the sweetest of ways each time, fuck, he even referred to me as his husband once.

I know this is the man I want, I know I want to show him off to my family, I know I want to spend my eternity with him but fuck man the distance in the relationship is killing me.

I don't know. Maybe one day I will get over my irrational fear and disgust of weddings, maybe we will even last long enough so we can get engaged.

I don't know why I am sending this. Maybe for other possibly younger queer people here? Maybe finding the right one and shit can be hard but oh lord will you be happy when you find them. I have never felt so happy in my entire life, just thinking about him makes me almost weep of joy.

OMGGG thats literally the sweetest thing EVER im so so so happy for you!!

Maybe there’s some way u can tailor a wedding to ur likes, clothes u like a comfy quiet area so ur sensory issues aren’t bad only a few ppl ur close to, or just a quiet wedding w the two of u!!

Argh that’s literally so sweeeet I want that type of love!!! I’m so so happy for u im so happy u found someone who makes u happy!!! Queer love & joy is beautiful <3

[bad4amficideas]

Do you write yandere hcs for the Batboys? If so, can I request for some headcanons of how each of them would deal with a reader entering a deep state of meditation after she gets kidnapped and she has a sort of like a necklace that creates a protective forcefield around her but that only activates when she meditates. I hope this isn't confusing and thank you :) Btw, I loved reading your work, it was awesome :) And do you know any other blogs who write stuff for yandere DC? I'm hooked on them now lol

Below the actual answer dear anon!!!

Just to say I have read this question on other blogs and I have asked myself at times, I love the specificity (like, I'm the one who asks for an isekai!shy!reader x yandere with/out soulmate ofc I like it). Also as side note, the first time I read it, I mentally relived the episode in which Batman took the ring from Green Lantern, that damn smirk included. You said Batboys, but I had to mention it because that scene inspired all of the HC and that's where things flowed. Anyway, my thoughts:

Note: English is not my language, so I hope you will be understanding of any flaws you find.

Definitely all the boys would try to analyze the strength and the diameter of the shield and assess whether or not it changes according to the type of attack and/or your concentration. And the origins of the necklace's power? Does it need recharging like lantern rings? Is it magic? If it's, can a magi remove it?

But I also think it really wouldn't work as well as they would think and I think all this would be first discovered by Jason or Tim (intentionality or analysis respectively); by analysis I mean here taking out the letter to letter and word to word of the magical things and the lawyer perspective and asking, and with intentionality I mean I doubt that Jason actually shot you to kill.

My reasoning/what I mean is, what does it define protection/protective? The limits are yours or does the shield have some kind of conscience and choice in the matter? yours subjective or yours objective? If the yandere in question just wants a hug or throw a blanket over you, counts as an attack or that not happens until "impure/dark thoughts enter" while touching you. If you start to starve yourself and said yandere wants to force you to eat, will the shield let him pass? Reasoning, both your self-preservation instinct and shield should both approve of something. You know, in a state of meditation you give up eating, washing, etc at some time you would break or faint (maybe 2 months without eathing, even maybe eternally without sleep thanks to the meditation, but, but BUT without WATER??? and what if you need to take some medications??).

In "pure intentions" (more like iron mind for the one who was once jokerized) Tim, here are some winning ballots so he can ignore the shield and win more time to think something else, then totally Jason, he's a keeper, well, I lied Jason is the more likely to get break the necklace but not damaging you in any form, either playing gunman or god knows how.

And of course, then there is the issue of concentration. All batboys, some more than others have been tortured or trained to, at some point in their lives. So, even if it isn't physically, I have no doubt that Dick, for example, would be able to break your meditation (sweetalking with the help of his time working with victims in the police) and Damian, well, if the League did not include some psychological torture I would feel disappointed, you know, light play to epilepsy, drop, drop, drop, total sensory isolation, those things that can drive you crazy.

So to the question, how would they handle it? It depends on their patience and how long can they see you suffer. But no good and anyway will not matter because that necklace is a double edged sword, they will pick that quickly and they will win at the end. Although you can be sure that, as soon as they manage to remove it, you will not see it again.

[vindelllas]

the beauty of uttara ashadha 🌞🐘:

🐘 naomi campbell: uttara ashadha lagna

*MAJOR TW// i discuss a lot of potentially triggering topics, i.e. abuse and racism. some of the uttara ashadha natives i exhibit and talk about are known for their terrible behavior and scandals. i do not condone their offensive and ignorant behavior. they are simply being shown to solidify my opinions on the nature of this nakshatra*

as you read this post, please listen to this uttara ashadha playlist i made for the full experience: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/207xxveKWd1TlN12Sr5GAW?si=G5F-Hd3_SHui2PYViP8hkQ

🌞 in the krittika nakshatra, we saw the fiery combination of kuja’s rashi and surya’s vimshottari rulership. krittika represents the cosmic fire of purification, as kuja is the planet of leadership, chandra is the planet denoting our mental state, and surya is the embodiment of the true yang path. in the uttara phalguni nakshatra, we saw the giving and serving nature of surya shine through the solar embodiment of aryaman and the leo rashi. buddha bestowed this nakshstra with the ability to sense areas of need within others and find the best ways to solve others’ issues and realign them with their dharma path. in uttara ashadha, we see these natives embody the cosmic fire we once witnessed in krittika and eventually learn to master the importance of finding yourself in your soul. as compared to looking to the accomplishments you have helped others succeed in for personal reaffirmation (a problem uttara phalguni natives struggle with). uttara ashadha’s ruling deities will serve as their cosmic guides through these deeply purifying solar states.

🌌 the deities of uttara ashadha are the ten vishvadevas, the ten universal gods. in sanskrit, vishvadevas translates to “all-knowing or omniscient”. these ten gods represent the evolution of uttara ashadha natives’ lives: vasu (meaning brilliance or wealth-giver), satya (being truthful in one's thought, speech, and action), kratu (strength and willpower), daksha (rituals and people), kala (time and death), kama (cosmic desire and creative impulse), dhriti (steadiness and retention), kuru (ancestors), pururavas (abundance, surya, brightness), and madravas (zenith of joy). let’s take a closer look at a few of these deities to examine the path of uttara ashadhas.

✨ satya, loosely translating to "truth/essence", is equated with and considered necessary to the concept of rta. rta means order, rule, and truth. rta is the principle of natural order which regulates and binds the collective universe and all of it’s inhabitants. in the hymns of the vedas, rta is said to be what is ultimately responsible for the proper functioning of the natural, moral, and sacrificial union of life. due to this, rta is said to uphold dharma. satya gives birth to the possibility of rta, due to satya’s regulatory and binding nature. truth (satya) is considered to be essential and without it the universe and reality falls apart and, therefore, can longer function. this is why satya is also considered to be our essence, the core of our being. truth is considered to be a form of alignment with the divine. the whole foundation of christianity, and most prominent religions, stress abiding in your cosmic truth. in the book of james 1:18, it reads “of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.”. when we welcome the essence of satya, we flourish in internal beauty and the truth blooms and beams on our physical surface.

👠 this internal radiance of satya is the reason the solar nakshstras, primarily uttara ashadha, are one of the top placements for prominent models like victoria’s secret angels. such as, stella maxwell (krittika surya and uttara ashadha chandra), behati prinsloo (krittika surya and uttara phalguni chandra), chanel iman (krittika chandra), doutzen kroes (uttara ashadha surya), marth hunt (uttara ashadha chandra), josephine skriver (uttara ashadha chandra), karolina kurkova (uttara ashadha chandra), jac jagaciak (uttara ashadha surya), erin heatherton (uttara ashadha chandra), etc.. solar beauty radiates like the sun illuminating drops of midnight dew on crisp greenery or radiating and reflecting the vast sky on to the indigo crests of waves. solar beauty is a beauty that often goes unnoticed for a long time, only to be rediscovered for it’s rich depths. it is like when one is too focused on looking downward at the earth’s greenery and ocean, only to forget the beautiful light that illuminates these beautiful forms of nature. solar beauty radiates and encompasses the native as a whole. it gleams and shines like the bright surya. this is why we see uttara ashadha natives brimming with warm and olive undertones, freckles or beauty marks, and shiny hair. they embody the cosmic youth and the truth that nourishes “the firstfruits of creatures”. this is why solar women are so aesthetically pleasing to the eye, as they cause sensory overload, modeling the act of one’s eyes hurting from looking at the sun for too long.

👁 according to the rigveda, the antithesis of rta and surya are anrita and asatya, meaning falsehood. falsehood is considered to be a form of misconduct. satya includes factuality, reality, truth and reverence. satya is our past, current and future. it is considered to be the functioning of our world. the falsehood of anrita and asatya are reflected in surya’s association with the right eye. in the christian religion, the right eye signifies the evil from which is falsity and the left eye is the falsity through which is evil. in zechariah 11:17, it states “woe to the worthless shepherd that deserteth the flock! the sword shall be upon his arm, and upon his right eye; his arm withering shall wither, and his right eye darkening shall be darkened”. in this scripture, the arm is said to denote the power of truth applied to confirm evil (satya). the right eye symbolizes the memory and knowledge of good applied to confirm falsity. the shepherd represents one who teaches truths, leading others along the path of dharma. in matthew 5:29-30, jesus spoke, “if thy right eye hath caused thee to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from thee. and if thy right hand hath caused thee to stumble, cut it off, and cast it from thee; it is better for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body be cast into gehenna”. surya’s rulership of the right eye is why uttara ashadha natives frequently struggle with eye issues. because of this, uttara ashadha natives usually wear glasses or contacts and become associated with/profit off of their glasses. for example, george clooney (uttara ashadha chandra) has several articles written about his persol glasses. cary grant’s (uttara ashadha surya and chandra) estate collaborated with the brand “olivers people” to create a line of successful eyewear. the sunglasses grant wore in the 1959 hollywood classic north by northwest is characterized as a sunglasses design that is the epitome of classic style. dave bautista (uttara ashadha surya and chandra) once said he often wears sunglasses because it helps him to cope with his social anxiety disorder. bautista once said, “i would rather wear sunglasses than stand on the red carpet.”. actors like zooey deschanel (uttara ashadha surya, chandra and lagna) and jane levy (uttara ashadha chandra) are known for playing roles that involve their characters wearing glasses. many articles have been written about zooey deschanel’s glasses on the television show “new girl” and jane levy’s glasses on the sitcom ���suburgatory”. glasses act as a sharpening tool that allows to better see our environment, our truth. glasses reflect our surroundings onto the eyes of those who look through the pair of sunglasses on another person. they serve as objects cycling the truth of the wearer and beholder, in a way, it rejects the falsity of illusion and completely embraces realignment with truth, while serving as a protective medium between the native and others. believing that we have the lenses of reality within each of us. what you see is what you get or what you see is what you are, as far as eternity is concerned, abiding in satya. it is believed that our beliefs are the lenses through which one sees the world. what one believes determines your focus (kratu) and in turn your actions. one sees things as they believe they are, not as things really are, but rather as one is. if one’s beliefs are based on truth, your figurative glasses will allow you to see eternity from the rta/satya perspective. however, if your belief lenses are made from anrita and asatya, you will see illusions and falsehood reflective of the state of your soul.

☀️ there is a particular effect called photo-bleaching. photo-bleaching happens to the cells in your retina in the back of your eye. these cells are called rods and cones, and these cells are full of light sensitive pigments. light comes in the form of particles, called photons, in your eye; these stimulate the cells by changing this light sensitive pigment, which is called retinal, into a different form and they stimulate the cells to send electrical impulses to your brain. if you look at the sun for a long period of time, this sends the cells into overdrive and it takes them time to calm down. after you finish looking at the sun and you look at a normal level of light, like a plant, you get black spots where you've been looking at light where the cells have been over stimulated. this is the essence of solar beauty. it leaves a lasting impact on the eyes of others and it is hard to forget their presence. their warmth lingers, stays, and satiates others like the deity kama.

🐘 kate moss: uttara ashadha surya

🐾 uttara ashadha’s yoni is the male mongoose. the male mongoose are sometimes solitary, but most live in colonies. the average colony is made up of roughly twenty mongooses. those who live in these colonies will take turns being sentinels. sentinels stand on their hind legs on higher ground, looking all around them for danger. if they spot a potential threat, they will let out a loud scream that acts as an alarm call that lets the rest of the colony members know they should retreat to safety. when operating in their light state, uttara ashadhas act as the male mongoose by being the sentinel of their surroundings. they act as a guide to those around them and try to ensure the safety of others. they stand tall like the symbolic mongoose, mirroring the phallic force, and usher those into the light of achievement. this is why we see so many uttara ashadha natives appear in musical groups, as they are the glue that binds their surroundings together. but this intense binding begins to darken, it is often people will become obsessed with their great achievements and warmth and try to bring the native down with jealousy and harm. zayn malik (uttara ashadha) was known to be a part of a popular musical group, “one direction” and reportedly left the group in 2015, due to him feeling left out by the group and not liking the music they created. jennie (uttara ashadha surya) from “blackpink” was the main rapper of the group and was the first one to debut a solo single. nicki minaj (uttara ashadha lagna) was once apart of the popular rap group “young money”, but decided to further pursue her career as a solo artist. baby spice (uttara ashadha surya) was in the famous 90s girl group “spice girls”. a common theme amongst these natives is maintaining peace and upholding an image. uttara ashadhas are determined to succeed at any cost and many individuals subconsciously sense this and abuse their power. they view uttara ashadha as a never-ending vessel of determination and willpower and abuse this by treating these natives poorly, as they know the native will do anything to maintain peace for prosperity.

🐢 this foundation of determination and willpower is correlated to the auspicious elephant. the elephant itself is quite common in most religious traditions and mythologies. elephants are widely considered to be a positive omen and are sometimes revered as deities, symbolizing strength and wisdom. there is an ancient hindu belief of “world elephants”. the amarakosha states the names of eight male elephants who bare the world (in addition to eight unnamed female elephants). the names of the male elephants are airavata, pundarika, vamana, kumunda, anjana, pushpa-danta, sarva-bhauma, and supratika. there are four elephants that are believed to support the earth from the four different directions. in the ramayana, they are listed as the viroopaaksha (supporting the east), mahaapadma (supporting the south), saumanasa (supporting the west), and bhadra (supporting the north). while the knowledge on this subject is very limited, chukwa, the tortoise, is said to support the elephant mahaapadma which in turn supports the world. chukwa’s tortoise translation is not set in stone and can also be interpreted as a water snake (rahu), denoting the foundation of earthly desires is rahu. chukwa (rahu, earthly foundation/desires) cannot exist without mahaapadma (ketu, spiritual liberation), as a head may not exist without a body. it was once said: “on the wondrous dais rose a throne, and he its pedestal whose lotus hood with ominous beauty crowns his horrible sleek folds, great mahapudma; high displayed he bears the throne of death. there sat supreme with those compassionate and lethal eyes, who many names, who many natures holds; yama, the strong pure hades sad and subtle, dharma, who keeps the laws of old untouched.”.

🐘 wisdom is said to be represented by the elephant in the form of lord ganesha, one of the most popular gods in hindu mythology. lord ganesha is said to have the head of an elephant which was put on after the human head was either cut off or burned. lord ganesha is associated with new beginnings, success, and the removing of obstacles (as the act of removing one’s head is symbolic of removing rahu, essentially one’s desires). lord ganesha is said to be the deity of ketu, due to ketu being the moksha karaka and our source of liberation. ketu is said to bestow immense knowledge, spirituality, and luxury, when properly placed. if a native has an inauspiciously placed ketu in their natal chart, it is said praying to lord ganesha may aid the native. the smoky and prosperous nature of ganesha is exhibited in many rituals involving the symbolism of the elephant, in particular, the cameroonian practice of the bamiléké tribesmen. the bamiléké are often known for their intricately beaded masquerades, including the impressive elephant mask.

🎭 masquerades are considered to be a very integral part of the bamiléké culture. these masquerades take place during special events such as funerals, palace festivals, and other royal ceremonies. the masks are performed by men and aim to support and enforce royal authority (assuming the natural masculine leadership and dictation of surya). the power of the bamiléké king, the fon, is primarily represented by the elephant. the fon may transform into either an elephant or leopard whenever he chooses. their elephant mask, called a “mbap mtengis” a mask, has protruding circular ears, a human like face, decorative panels on the front and back that hang down to the knees and are covered in deeply intricate, geometric beadwork including much triangular imagery (symbolic of the solar force that is the triangular-like formation of an elephant’s large ears and protruding trunk, mirroring the phallic pyramid). occasionally, the fon may allow members of the community to perform with an elephant mask along with a leopard skin, conveying wealth, status and power by shielding one’s face. this act of covering one’s face is symbolic of sacrificing one’s identity (rahu) for the purpose of attaining moksha karaka (ketu). by the bamiléké fons covering their face with an elephant mask, they bring an association and representation of power, strength and prosperity (lord ganesha).

🌟 this sacrifice of self association and identity and the smoky nature of the bamiléké tribe represents the nature of uttara ashadha. it is often wondered why uttara ashadhas have such a dark and vampiric aesthetic, as this is the nature of sacrificing one’s identity. the spiritually devoting nature of these natives causes a detachment from their identity to embrace their higher power. beyoncé (an uttara ashadha ketu native) was once famous for her shiny, flashy, and glamorous y2k aesthetic. in the recent years, we have seen beyoncé move towards a less flashy, but equally captivating and prosperous, lifestyle. in a way, she sacrificed her y2k/flashy identity and received more prosperity and healing in return. in her latest visual album “black is king”, we saw her collaborate with numerous placements of uttara ashadha, such as wizkid (uttara ashadha shani atmakaraka) and jessie reyez (uttara ashadha rahu), to illustrate the importance of coming back to your familial routes and finding identity within your ancestors (it is important to note, out of my survey of fifty contributors and artists on the album, uttara ashadha was by far the most prominent atmakaraka placement). in this visual album, we see numerous african masks that call to mind the smoky, spiritual nature of ketu and the self-sacrificing and giving qualities of surya in his highest state (uttara ashadha).

🐘 christie brinkley: uttara ashadha chandra

🥘 the mahavidya associated with surya is matangi. she is the tantric goddess known for her wisdom, knowledge, and bestowing power. according to the shaktisamgama-tantra, the birth of ucchishta-matangini is as follows: the god vishnu and his wife lakshmi visited shiva and his second wife parvati and gave them a banquet of fine foods. while eating the banquet, the deities dropped some food on the ground, from which created a beautiful maiden who asked for their leftovers. vishnu, lakshmi, shiva, and parvati granted the maiden their left over food as prasad (meaning food made sacred by having been first consumed by a deity). this act can be interpreted as the ucchishta of the deity, it is important to note that due to the negative connotation the word ucchishta, it is never explicitly used in connection to prasad. shiva then stated that those who repeat mantangi’s mantra and worship her will have their material desires satisfied and gain control over foes, declaring her the giver of boons. from that day on, the maiden was referred to as ucchishta-matangini. because of matangi’s humble origin, she is often described as an outcast and impure. she is often associated with pollution, due to her relation to outcast communities. the humble mantangi is regarded as a tantric form of the goddess saraswati, the goddess of knowledge and the arts of mainstream hinduism. matangi and saraswati share many traits in that regard. both goddesses embody music and are depicted playing the veena. both are said to be the nada (sound or energy) that flows through the nadi channels in the body through which prana flows. these goddesses are related to rain clouds, thunder, and rivers. by both governing learning and speech, saraswati embodies the orthodox knowledge of the brahmins, whereas matangi, the humble, wild, and ecstatic outcast, embodies the knowledge within that transcends the boundaries of mainstream society (hence, her associations with social pariahs).

🏆 whereas, uttara ashadha (उत्तराषाढ़ा) comes from the sanskrit words उत्तर (latter) and अषाढ (invincible). the meanings of uttara ashadha are said to be “the latter invincible one”, “latter victory”, or “the latter undefeated”. the term “latter” is derived from the latin word lætra, meaning slow or deliberate, this juxtaposition with invincibility, denotes resilience, power, and prosperity. the journey of uttara ashadhas are said to bevslow and lengthy (lætra), but in then end, they reach true success by embodying the humility and skillfulness of matangi. this correlates to uttara ashadha being the top placements for athletes, as the practice of exercising and bodily discipline requires a deep understanding of prana, the source of life (matangi). athletes must be able to control their breathing and abide in a clean environment to maintain proper focus and health. this is why prana is said to permeate reality on all levels, aligning our inner selves with the cosmic truth (surya/rta). indian philosophy describes prana as flowing in the nadis throughout the body. the number of nadis varies according to different texts and philosophies, but the three principal nadis run from the base of the spine to the head (areas traditionally associated with surya and the vimshottari-ruled surya nakshatras). they are the ida on the left, the sushumna in the center, and the pingala on the right. the nadis are said to play a role in many yogic practices, like shatkarmas, mudras, and pranayama. these practices are intended to open and unblock the nadis to allow life force to be abundant within all of us. the ultimate aim of some yogic practices are to direct prana into the sushumna nadi, enabling the kundalini to rise, and thus bring about moksha karaka, our liberation. in both the subtle and the causal body, the nadis are channels for our cosmic, vital, seminal, mental, and intellectual energies (our prana). this is why they are considered to be important for sensations, consciousness and the spiritual aura.

🥇 ida is traditionally associated with lunar energy. the word ida means "comfort" in sanskrit. ida possesses a moonlike nature and a distinct feminine energy with a cooling/yin effect. whereas, pingala is associated with solar energy. the word pingala means "orange" or "tawny" in sanskrit. pingala possesses a sunlike nature and masculine energy. pingala is warm/yang and courses throughout the right side of the body, whereas ida courses through the left side of the body. these nadis are often representative of the two hemispheres of the brain. pingala is the extroverted, solar nadi, and corresponds to left hemisphere of the brain. ida is the introverted, lunar nadi, and refers to the right hemisphere of the brain. this is due to the left hemisphere controlling the muscles on the right side of the body and the right hemisphere controlling those on the left, symbolic of the dualism of nature and our bodies. the ida nadi regulates all the mental, lunar processes while the pingala nadi regulates all the vital, solar processes. examples of uttara ashadha athlete natives who learned to balance the inner matangi and nadis within is the famous professional boxer muhammad ali (uttara ashadha surya) who was nicknamed “the greatest”. the olympic athlete marion jones (uttara ashadha chandra) who is a world champion track and field athlete and previous member of the WNBA. we also see a great abundance of athletes specifically having an uttara ashadha surya, such as matthias ginter, malek jaziri, claudio marchisio, tyler breeze, davie selke, pierre webó, and ehsan haddadi. as surya feels at home and comfortable in expressing it’s dualistic nature in this nakshatra. athletes and uttara ashadha natives are said to operate in the pingala mental state, but understand the importance of matangi and the balance of prana. as prana is considered to unite all elements and directions (recall the directional nature of the world elephants) within the body by aligning the ether element within, as how brihaspati and shani are both of the ether/air element and are crucial in reaching balance in our souls.

🐘 sasha pivovarova: uttara ashadha surya and chandra

🔥 uttara ashadha lies in the padas of sagittarius and capricorn. like all the surya-ruled nakshatras, vimshottari-wise, it bridges the nature of the fire element and the earth element. this denotes the karmic association of peak masculinity (fire) and the grounding femininity (earth). the elemental nature of earth represents the body. it is the densest element and creates the most heaviest psychological influence. it represents the practicalness and sensuality of nature, as a mongoose simply intuitively knows when to alert his group of danger or a goat knows which step to climb on a mountain. fire is the focus that lies within us and it corresponds to the digestion of life. fire is said to digest sensory impressions (water) and turn them into purposeful thoughts and ideas. as surya is said to calm the waters of the mind (chandra).

🌬 whereas, the air element correlates to intelligence and the movement within, essentially our prana. this deep level of intellect is why the elemental air/shani/brihaspati signs are seen in politics, as they know how to relate to others and appeal to society. these natives are highly social, conscientious, and understand the principles they abide by, hence their prevalence in politics. the element of ether is not to be confused with the principality of air. like air, ether is associated with conscientious but it is also the state of pure consciousness itself. ether transcends the physical elements (this is why rahu is said to be capable of air, as when rahu in his dark, illusionary state, he cannot transcend). ether is the witnessing of consciousness. it is the ability to perceive the process of intellect (air) and remain unidentified with it. it is our freedom and the closest to our state of satya. it serves as the freedom from the mind and body. it is detachment from our physical state of determination (fire), intellect (air), thoughts (water), and the sensuality of earth to go beyond our physical karma. as the ether knows detachment is the embodiment of true spiritual knowledge. this is why shani is said to both rule the ether element and be the higher state of rahu, as shani understands the power of going without for the purpose of the greater good.

🌳 both sagittarius and capricorn embody the final installment of the earth and fire rashis. sagittarius is the natural ninth house of higher education, wisdom, and spirituality. capricorn is the natural tenth house of power, ambition, and work. these houses are bridged under the leadership and guiding qualities of surya to create a distinct amount of material and mental wealth. this is why we see uttara ashadha natives feel called to work in areas such as politics, law, and economics, due to their spiritual and societal knowledge. the fall of uttara ashadha lies within the elemental composition of this nakshatra. too much fire leads to exaggerated levels of aggression. too much air causes sterility, dryness, and an ungrounded sense of life. too much earth brings stagnation and clinging. for example, george washington (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for his sex scandals, killings, and perpetuation of slavery. pope saint john xxiii (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for bending the rules in order to be ordained as the pope. jeb bush (uttara ashadha chandra) was known to be associated with high class drug dealers and lawsuits. abraham lincoln (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for his disagreement of slavery, despite being quite racist himself. these men operated in the stagnation, sterility, and energetic dullness that lied within their souls. they embraced the corrosive flames of fire and figuratively burned down what they did not respect. corazon aquino (uttara ashadha chandra) was regarded with high respect for combining traditional femininity with politics and her advocation for human rights and restoration of political power to civilians. aquino* (please see my note below) is an example of uttara ashadhas using their fiery determination to bring equality and justice to people, no matter the cost. they relate to the earthly parallels of society and know in order to gain equality, sacrifices of the self must be made. thus, they are the embodiment of yang.

💥 no matter the morals and principles of uttara ashadhas, we see uttara ashadha men being idolized and followed by the collective. the media is entranced by their yang embodiment and their negative behaviors are frequently ignored for the purpose of remaining idolized. consider uttara ashadha natives like russell crowe, bruce willis, george clooney, and matt damon. they have arose to great fame due to films like “die hard” or “ocean’s eleven”, because men idolize their pingala, tough, solitary, and strong exteriors and often try to imitate their actions. men subconsciously acknowledge the cosmic interplay of the masculine shani (capricorn), brihaspati (sagittarius), and surya, as they idolize the solitary state of the uttara ashadha mongoose: the one who has no yoni consort.

🪴 it is important to understand that capricorn itself is not a masculine sign. it is indeed the most feminine sign of the zodiac, due to it embodying the earthly nature of clinging to the tree as leaves do or grounding to the earth as clay. the over-ruler of capricorn, the planet shani, is often considered to be gender-neutral as the ether element itself transcends gender. shani simply molds the earthly, feminine clays of capricorn into greatness and abundance. examine the abundance of uttara ashadha, shravana, and dhanishta (whom all lie in the capricorn rashi). all of these nakshatras are famed for their looks, auras, and wealth.

* the lovely @/sakkurareadnt on twitter has brought to my attention that while aquino was the first president of the philippines to be a woman, she was not the one to solely change the power civilians have. it was the people of the philippines themselves who organized the revolution. aquino did believe in human rights and did well during her presidency, but the restoration of power to the people was primarily due to the movement of the citizens of philippines. i sincerely apologize for any confusion this may have caused 💗

🐘 fka twigs: uttara ashadha surya

☀️ due to surya being the fiery path within, the element fire is said to connects us to the sense of sight. ayurveda states anything we can see is touched by fire, as we abide in the state of solar satya. the element fire is called “tejas” in sanskrit and it is the third of the pancha mahabhutus (the five great elements). it is the third element because it evolves from the states of ether and air, containing the essence of these elements within it. ether energizes fire with the ability to find space to exist within. air bestows fire with the capacity of prana to burn. it is due to the element air, that fire will never be able to still within us. fire is said to represent the capacity for heat and light. it is the generator of energy in the body, modeling the behavior of how surya is the generator of energy for the entire solar system. it is said that fire is the process of liberating energy from its source.

⭐️ the tanmatra of vision, rupa, is the origin of the purifying fires. rupa means to form or color. the forms and colors of life are a direct result from our perception. rupa serves as the tanmatra, our unmanifested form of perception, light, and vision. fire binds with the sense of vision, as fire provides light for perception. the eyes serve as the channel through which light is digested and perception takes place. think of it this way, you cannot see what is ahead of you, if you simply have no light to illuminate your path. with uttara ashadha women specifically, we tend to see this struggle with male attention. women are naturally quite yin, but the peak pingala energy of uttara ashadha alters the manifestation of these natives. people are confused by these natives’ balanced and equalizing energy and flock to their perceived light like moths to a flame. in many cases, people are also insecure about the uttara ashadha native’s inner elemental balance and will choose to leave them. this is because uttara ashadha illuminates everything within their environment, including the vampiric energies of others.

✨ in the show “euphoria”, cassie (played by an uttara ashadha chandra native sydney sweeney), we see this internal dichotomy around male attention. cassie is described as a sweet and popular person, but has difficulty with navigating relationships. she grew up with an emotionally unavailable and irresponsible father who grew to only care for money. men are entranced by her energy and solely view her as a means of sexual pleasure. boys treat her as this shiny jewel, until she rejects or accepts their sexual advances, then she is viewed as promiscuous. the problem here is men become obsessed with uttara ashadha women, as they are obsessed with uttara ashadha men in film. they seek these natives’ fire and become disappointed when they come to find these natives have emotions and needs like any other person.

🌥 the movie “gone girl” is about a former writer and his glamorous wife amy (played by uttara ashadha chandra rosamund pike). they try to present a portrait of a blissful marriage to the public. when amy goes missing on the couple's fifth wedding anniversary, the writer becomes the prime suspect in her disappearance. the police pressure and media frenzy causes the couple's image of a happy union to crumble, leading to tantalizing questions about who they really are. throughout their relationship, amy tried to be the perfect girl who was the best wife she could be, but she felt she was never good enough. she changed her entire personality to conform to the wants of her husband. in the movie, she states (WARNING: THIS DOES CONTAIN GRAPHIC LANGUAGE): “men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? she’s a cool girl. being the cool girl means i am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and ***l sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary **** bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because cool girls are above all hot. hot and understanding. cool girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. go ahead, sh*t on me, i don’t mind, i’m the cool girl. men actually think this girl exists. maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. for a long time cool girl offended me. i used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and i’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: you are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. i’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: the b*tch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! and the cool girls are even more pathetic: they’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. oh, and if you’re not a cool girl, i beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the cool girl. it may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so cool girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so cool girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. there are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants cool girl, who is basically the girl who likes every thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (how do you know you’re not cool girl? because he says things like: “i like strong women.” if he says that to you, he will at some point **** someone else. because “i like strong women” is code for “i hate strong women.”)”.

⛅️ men view uttara ashadhas as this immovable and illustrious force of light. they assume they behave as uttara ashadha men do in their violent, “fight club”-esc films. this deep desire often leads to many uttara ashadha natives feeling the need to embrace a lifestyle of hyper-masculinity to compensate for their natural and human emotions. people crave these natives to be the hot, light, dry, rough, and sharp nature of fire itself. the people in these natives’ lives expect for themselves to be the inherent air that is within the nature of fire. after all, it is the element air that provides fire with its mobile quality. although the truest state of uttara ashadha is the subtle fire, their effects are the most prominent. when you approach fire, what do you feel first? the heat of the flames. this is why we associate the element fire with the fires we can see. as fire represents light, heat, luster, energy, understanding, and the power of transformation.

🌤 examine uttara ashadha natives like issa rae in “insecure”, jane levy in “zoey’s extraordinary playlist”, zooey deschanel in “new girl”, or the aforementioned women above. these natives will be repeatedly shunned for their emotional nature and sensitivities because we expect surya to be the silent source of satiability. to see this source of sustenance have feelings and needs, shocks the moth who was once attracted to the flame. the moth realizes that not everything is about their deepest carnal desires.

🐘 nina simone: uttara ashadha chandra

💪🏽 these natives are no stranger to standing up for the injustices of their era. while surya natives do struggle with unwanted expectations and internal dichotomies, this does not discredit the common belief that these natives serve as the celestial father who provides the vital force behind creation and its sustenance. surya natives’ strong will and individuality, coupled with their boldness and ambition, creates a wonderful passion for advocating for what they believe in. think of uttara ashadha native nina simone who was both musically talented and an advocate for civil rights. she used her talents and fame to shed light on a greater cause. simone once stated, “i had spent many years pursuing excellence, because that is what classical music is all about... now it was dedicated to freedom, and that was far more important.”. nicki minaj, another uttara ashadha native, is often regarded as the queen of rap and is known for advocacy for women’s rights and power. in an interview minaj said, “when you’re a girl you have to be everything… you have to be sexy, and you have to be this and you have to be that, and you have to be nice. it’s like, i can’t be all those things at once. i’m a human being.”. joan jett (an uttara ashadha native) stated: “i figured out it was a social thing, what women were allowed to do. at a very young age, i decided i was not going to follow women's rules.”.

🍯 this behavior correlates to one of the ten vishvadevas: kratu. kratu is the deity representative of strength. rishi kratu appeared in two different ages. kratu is one of the seven great sages (the saptarishis). these sages are said to have originated from the consciousness of brahma. kratu is sometimes even believed to have been born from his father's left eye. kratu was married to sannathi and it is believed the couple had sixty thousand children, which are referred to as balakhilyas. the balakhilyas were said to be the size of a thumb and lived alongside the bank of rivers. the balakhilyas were once insulted by deity indra, the king of celestial deities. by the power generated by their penance, they were able to please shiva. in turn, shiva gave him a boon that they would be able to produce a bird who could pull out the cosmic nectar from indra.

🪓 the story goes that prajapati daksha was the head of sacrifice. prajapati daksha held a grudge against rudra or (depending on the story) for his daughter sati marrying shiva against his wishes. prajapati daksha did not send even an invitation to shiva for the sacrifice. sati went to the sacrifice alone and was terribly insulted for marrying shiva by her family. sati then k*lled herself by by jumping into the sacrificial fire. upon hearing the news of sati, lord shiva became madden with rage. shiva pulled out a lock of hair from his head and threw it down, invoking the spirit of veerabhadra (or bhairava) shiva ordered veerabhadra to go with his followers and destroy everybody who attended the sacrifice, including prajapati daksha himself.

⚔️ veerabhadra and shiva’s followers then went and beheaded daksha. they began to punish each and every god who attended the holy sacrifice. they knocked out the teeth of pushan, removed the eyes of bhaga, and severed the two testicles of kratu. soon after, the gods went to shiva and begged for his mercy. shiva said that they should all serve under him as animals for a period of time; only then would they will regain their original status. all of the gods agreed to this. shiva then restored the teeth, eyes, and testicles of the different gods. daksha was also revived by placing the head of a goat on his neck (more on this in a later post). after kratu’s testicles were restored, he married sannati, the daughter of daksha. they were all described as small sages no bigger than the joint of the thumb and said to be chaste and pious.

⚱️ later on, rishi kratu was again born in the vaivasvata manvantara (seventh and current manvantara), due to lord shiva’s boon. in this cyclic period of time, kratu had no family. it is reported that kratu was born from the hand of lord bharma, whereas the other rishis are said to have been born from other parts of the body of brahma. because kratu had no family and no children, he adopted agastya’s son: idhvaaha.

⚒ uttara ashadha natives understand that sacrifices have to be made for the betterment of society, as the many gods were sacrificed by participating in the harmful behavior that caused sati to jump into the deadly fire. specifically, these natives understand the sacrifice of career and monetary stability for this cause. these natives learn to reject traditional associations of femininity and masculinity and learn the essence of all life is an equilibrium of both (symbolic of kratu being castrated, thus having the phallic force being altered). uttara ashadhas act as brahma’s hand in which birthed the deity of strength (kratu), by lending a helping hand to those in need and never forgeting the importance of where they come from. famous singers like nicki minaj, joan jett, and nina simone understood this and frequently put their careers on the line to ensure they were treated with the utmost respect. modeling the sacrificial sati, nina simone sacrificed her career in singing to devote her entire life to advocating for civil rights and joan jett devoted her entire career to breaking gender norms and stereotypes. what people fail to understand is the integrity these women have. whatever surya women choose to do, they will stand by their decision and suffer the consequences. they understand in order to command respect, you must garner accountability. the act of activism arguably runs much deeper than jupitarian women. as kratu was once said to have no family and be alone, surya natives feel the need to guide others as they wish they could have been guided at a young age. these natives choose to adopt the burdens of the collective masses (as kratu with idhvaaha). they struggled with jealousy and male dichotomies and fantasies. they endured years of abandonment, loss, and energetic vampires sucking the light from them. only to shine like the bright stars they truly are, reaching their latter victory and choosing to never leave anyone behind or forgotten.

i highly encourage you to watch the clip below because it perfectly illustrates hows surya-ruled women understand the inadequacies and injustices of this world and decide to use their platform to speak on it:

https://youtu.be/PzGZamtlRP0

🐘 sza: uttara ashadha lagna

🎖the latter victory is quintessential, yet individualistic, to uttara ashadhas. throughout all areas of the life, these natives succeed in unimaginable ways. from sports, modeling, singing to activism and acting, they reach the highest possible success. once these natives have mastered the lessons of the planets shani, brihaspati, and surya, they have to learn from one more deity: yama. recall the foundational essence of yama reoccurring throughout this post, the elephant, bhairavi, and yama’s correlation to mahapudma. it is said that in order to examine the polarity of a nakshatra, you must examine the opposing nakshatra as well. the opposite of uttara ashadha is pushya (and punarvasu). both punarvasu and pushya are considered to be highly auspicious nakshatras. punarvasu is able to encapsulate the transition from destruction (ardra) and nourishment (pushya) with blessings of the motherly aditi and the supervision of brihaspati, but what happens when pushya is also into the darker elements of life?

🎯 both punarvasu and pushya are linked to brihaspati, due to punarvasu being ruled by brihaspati (via vimshottari dasha) and pushya being under the deity rulership of brihaspati. as i discussed on twitter recently, pushya is directly linked to funerals and morticians. the fourth house of cancer is said to be eight houses away from the twelfth house. thus, denoting one finding home, roots, or comfort in times of death or misfortune. the deities associated with shani are yama and prajapati. yama represents death, dharma, and the underworld and prajapati represents rebirth and creation (modeling the transformative themes of punarvasu as well). the deity of pushya, brihaspati, is said to be a sage born from the first great light, as punarvasu’s meaning is said to be “prosperous again” or “return of the light”. brihaspati is said to be the one who drives away darkness. pushya natives embody brihaspati by bringing great healing and comfort to those in terrible times. or they may embody yama and become hyperfixated with the themes of death. recall how angelina jolie (pushya lagna) stated she wanted to be a mortician when she grew up. a famous funeral director, marshall white, is likely a pushya chandra. a convicted m*rderer & mortician, bernie tiede, is a pushya surya.

🪦 uttara ashadhas marry and reflect the saturnian and jupitarian in a differing, but similar, way. throughout this post, dharma has been mentioned frequently. it is difficult to exactly provide a single definition for dharma, as the word has a long history and it’s interpretations vary throughout hinduism, buddhism, sikhism, and jainism. there is actually no equivalent synonym for dharma in english. the root of the word dharma is "dhri", meaning “to support, hold, or bear". dhri is what regulates the course of change by consistently abstaining from change. however, most can agree dharma means the “right way of living" and "path of rightness". this also depends on the context and the meaning of dharma, as it has evolved as ideas of hinduism have evolved through history. in the earliest texts and ancient myths of hinduism, dharma meant cosmic law, the rules that created the universe from chaos and rituals. after time, the meaning became more complex, it is said to designate human behaviors considered necessary for the order of things in the universe; principles that prevent chaos; and behaviors and actions necessary to all life in nature, society, and family.

🔪 whereas, yama is considered to have been the first mortal who died and saw the way to the celestial abodes. due to this, he became the lord of the departed. yama's name can also mean "twin", and in some myths he is paired with a twin sister names yamī. yama is assisted by chitragupta who is assigned with the task of keeping complete records of the actions of human beings on earth. upon the death of humans, yama decides if they shall reincarnate as a superior or inferior organism, depending on their actions on earth (karma). this is why yama is considered to be the lord of justice and is sometimes referred to as dharma, referring to yama’s unwavering dedication to maintaining order and his adherence to harmony.

🏹 like punarvasu and pushya, uttara ashadhas wish to guide others through their path of dharma, as the bow of brihaspati navigates through the winds, but they also struggle with neglecting themselves. they are so giving with their fruitful bounty, they often forget to spend time within. their inclination for guiding, giving, and dying unto oneself often becomes a fixation that eventually leads to burn out and tiredness. this is why uttara ashadha natives must study the nature of yama and learn when to set healthy boundaries. i will not be including the hymn of yama and yamī (the children of the sun god: surya) as to not trigger others with it’s inc*stuous nature, but it is an example of how those with saturnian/jupitarian influences must learn to set boundaries, even with those they love. sza’s (uttara ashadha lagna) “ctrl” album is a perfect example of the potential for vulnerability, imperfectness, and the deep capability of love these natives exhibit. i highly recommend listening to her songs “love galore”, “normal girl”, and “garden”, as they directly reflect the topics i have discussed in this post. learning to set boundaries will be difficult, as many of the times this creates a need to have difficult conversations with those we love. but when we align ourselves under the eyes of surya, we learn it is the key to flourishing into the tree of life.

🐘 sade adu: uttara ashadha surya

🌲 the movie “the tree of life”, stars multiple surya natives (including uttara ashadha chandra brad pitt). the movie tells an impressionistic story of a texan family in the 1950s. the film follows the life journey of the eldest son, jack (played by leo chandra sean penn and an uttara phalguni native and uttara ashadha atmakaraka hunter mccracken), through the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as he tries to reconcile a complicated relationship with his father (brad pitt). jack finds himself to be a lost soul in the modern world, seeking answers to the origins and meaning of life while questioning the true existence of faith.

🪵 the tree of life emblem is a popular, universal symbol that represents differing meanings across all cultures and religions. the symbol does not originate from one specific culture as it has been used all over the world for centuries. the tree of life is said to commonly represent the interconnectedness and intertwining of everything within the universe. it is symbolic of togetherness and serves as a reminder that you are never alone or isolated, but rather that you are connected to all beings in existence. the roots of the tree of life are deeply grounded and spread into the core of earth. by accepting the nourishment from mother earth, the tree’s branches reach up into the sky, accepting energy from the lights of both the surya and chandra. this correlates to the goddess matangi (who is the tantric form of saraswati). saraswati is the mother goddess of knowledge, wisdom, and the arts. one cannot grow solid roots without the foundational knowledge of life and nourishment (saraswati). with a solid foundation in place, the tree of life symbolizes the connection to one’s family and ancestors (ketu). the tree has an intricate network of branches that represent how our lineage grows and expands over time. trees will always find a way to keep growing, through seeds or new saplings, and is lush with greenery, which signifies its ancient fertility. 

🌧 all trees are unique and special. by their branches sprouting at different points and in different directions, they symbolize a person's personal growth into a unique human being as different experiences shape them into who they are destined to be. as time passes, both trees and ourselves gain more unique characteristics, as branches may break off, new ones grow, and as the weather takes its toll. during these alterations and changes, the tree remains steadfast and sturdy. as shani brings about trials and tribulations, people grow and change throughout their lifetime and their unique experiences mold and enhance their individuality. the tree of life loses it’s leaves and appears to be dead during winter, but after this trialing period of winter, new buds appear and fresh leaves unfurl to reveal their emerald-like beauty (matangi). this cyclical nature represents the beginning of a new life and a dawn of anew. in a way, the tree (our souls) is immortal. even though the tree may grow old or slightly wither, it still produces seeds that carry its essence through the figurative winds of prana. as the tree within us may never die, it shall only transform and be reborn.

🌊 at the end of the movie, “the tree of life”, the now adult jack wanders through a wasteland, as yama once died and symbolizes the purgatory state of the wasteland. jack goes through a doorway and finds himself on a beach. there he shares the screen with his father and mother who concedes her son to the higher power. jack realigned himself with his solar power and gleamed in the light of his mother and father, like the tree of life gleams in both the sunlight and moonlight. jack received the blessing of his mother, symbolic of the goddess saraswati, who offered him into the unknown light of yama. the truth is, most of us do not know what truly happens after we step into the final light, thus ending our earthly presence and accepting the unknown of the future. recall from earlier, fire is said to digest sensory impressions (water) and turn them into purposeful thoughts and ideas. as surya is said to calm the waters of the mind (chandra). jack’s alignment from the beach to heavenly light symbolizes he has finally digested and successfully pondered on his actions throughout his existence. he has calmed both the waters and fires within and is granted the true passage to afterlife.

🐘 nicki minaj: uttara ashadha lagna

⛰ it is now the native has returned to the peak pyramids of life. they have reached the zenith of their soul and look down from the symbolic pyramid to see the differing trees of life. they examine the highs and lows, sadness and happiness, and the polarities between chandra and surya. prana enshrouds the pyramid and blows the luscious, warm leaves of the trees around in the autumnal season. it is only the uttara ashadha native that will be left to see how far along they have come. in the beginning, uttara ashadhas were the lonely mongoose who simultaneously felt they belonged to everyone and no one. they tried to embody the personal surya to others and learned the error in their ways. these natives were there to lend a helping hand to others, no matter what that sacrifice entails. they have worn the masks of ketu, travelled as the head elephant leads his group, and now stand before the cosmic fire. the mongoose is no longer sad in his sedentary ways, he is fearless, in the sense his open to all feelings from deep love to intense sorrows. may you uttara ashadhas abide in your satya and may the strength of the vishvadevas guide you further into the unknown.

🐘 aaliyah: uttara ashadha surya

💋 as always, i am open to any constructive criticism! i tried to touch on the deities’ involvement in the appearances, manifestations, and symbolism of uttara ashadha. like the endangered elephant and the elusive mongoose, uttara ashadhas are a rare kind. they embody the true abundance of yang that is secure in their solar nature and path. people will latch on to their brihaspati, shani, and surya qualities, as they understand that these energies guide their environment to follow the behavior of the native (as a male elephant leads his family unit to safety and prosperity). uttara ashadhas are so kind, warm, and giving and you guys truly do not get the love you deserve. boundaries will be very important to these natives, as they are so giving (solar) with their knowledge and wealth (brihaspati), they must learn to set healthy boundaries (shani) to avoid burn out. if you are looking for more information about uttara ashadha, get to know the overrulers and supreme deities of surya, agni (fire god) and shiva (supreme god); brihaspati, indra (king of the gods) and brahma (law giver); and shani, yama (the god of death) and prajapati (the creator). also—and i cannot stress this enough—familiarize yourself with the deities of this nakshatra: the vishvadevas. if any of my placements or information are incorrect please feel free to let me know! also, i am fully aware of the origins of vedic astrology and if i was in anyway disrespectful to hindu culture, i will take down this post immediately. i am incredibly honored to know such lovely vedic astrology enthusiasts. you all mean so much to me xx

**all of these placements were found using astrotheme/.com and/or astro-charts/.com. it is important to note that some chandra (moon) placements may be off by up to 6 degrees and lagnas (risings) as well, due to the fact that many websites do not have 100% accurate birth times for the given celebrities.

**i take absolutely no credit for the invention of vedic astrology-based appearance profiles. please watch claire nakti on youtube or look into @/cn0bles, @/lovejustlied, @/dh4nishta, and @/vanillemercure on twitter for more in-depth analysis on vedic astrology xx

“i’ll tell you what freedom is to me, no fear.” - nina simone (uttara ashadha chandra)

xoxo, angel <3

[azurefishnets]

Yuletide Letter 2022

Dear Author,

I’m excited to have you join me for this Yuletide Exchange! I hope you find something that resonates with you here and thank you so much for taking this on! Feel free to mix and match as necessary; in all cases, all listed characters do not have to be included. I am 100% open to treats of all kinds, visual art included; they've been marked open for this exchange always.

You can always check out previous letters if the prompts here don't grab you too.

Chocobox Letter (2021) - Yuletide Letter (2021) - ToT (2021)

I am also also azurefishnets on Ao3.

LIKES:

worldbuilding (I love prompts where it’s like, pick a character and toss them in a location and see what happens)

sensory details (textures and smells especially)

unusual interactions (anything from slice of life to full adventure!)

puns and wordplay

cool symbolism & unexpected parallels

relationship level ups, whether that means platonic bonding or friends-to-more, etc

non-mundane AUs (no coffee shop, school, etc

fandom crossovers or fusions (but taken seriously, not cracky unless specifically requested)

missing moments

emotional support/intimacy

OKAY WITH:

any tense

any amount of plot or none

out-of-the-ordinary story structures

any amount of dialogue from none to screenplay

character explorations

characters appearing that aren’t requested as long as it doesn’t go against my DNWs

DNWS:

any kind of consent issues whatsoever

disrespect of the holy & symbol (AKA non-requested romantic relationships)

angst without a happy ending or at least some kind of resolution

infidelity

pandemic stuff

underage relationships, non-canon children

terminal illness

GHOST TRICK: PHANTOM DETECTIVE

Alma

Cabanela

Jowd

Emma

As always I’m really really feeling my OT3 love, so any amount of goodness with them would be great please and thank you. You can split them, you can write just two of them or one of them, that’s OK, as long as no infidelity is implied. I'm also OK with Cabanela being the world's most fantastically annoying yet fantastically wonderful friend to Alma/Jowd, if you'd prefer.

Or, if romance isn’t your bag, I'd love some Emma &! Jowd owes her big time in the new timeline... Cabanela schmoozing with her at a party in the old timeline could be interesting... Alma and Emma becoming friends is a friendship prompt of my heart!

BATEN KAITOS: ETERNAL WINGS & THE LOST OCEAN

Lyude

The Great Mizuti

Xelha

Worldbuilding

I would love some more worldbuilding here! Although I haven't played Origins (so please no spoilers there), I became very fond of this ridiculous crew and their weird, unique world... It would be a lot of fun to see Lyude getting adopted by Mizuti and her clan (I mean, he literally has no one and they no longer have a home. It's a match of the & variety!)

More worldbuilding would be awesome. Where DO they go after the end of the game? Xelha's got a lot of work to do with the other rulers to figure out logistics there... Xelha & Mizuti getting excited over new places would be cool! Xelha & Lyude could be interesting as Xelha finds herself in the place of giving advice on being a leader to Lyude...or, again, any X & Y + worldbuilding stuff would be really cool!

LIVE A LIVE

Cube

Li Kuugo

Tadokoro Akira

Takahara Masaru

I am so fascinated by the conceit of all these heroes having so little in common beyond being in the wrong place at the right time. It was very much a paradigm flip on what I THOUGHT was their connection and that's just freaking cool! So I would love some &s here. Any combination, although it doesn't have to be all of them, any kind of slice of life thing. The place where they find themselves in the end of the game isn't a place geared to build loving friendships but I'd love to hear how these manage it! Cube is just so loving and kind... Li has so much to learn about friendship and she is so alone... Akira has just come from a genuinely horrific place and needs some sweetness (He & Cube would be particularly good, come to think) and Masaru is just kind of a himbo but I think he & Li would have a lot to talk about. Plus I'm sure he'd love to spar with her and learn some moves! Or any other slice of lifely thing between any or all would be lovely.

I can't wait to see whatever you do! Thanks again for reading and see you at Yuletide!

[dangerously-human]

Thinking about how, at age 15, I wanted desperately to go to an Angels & Airwaves concert, and I couldn't, for reasons since lost to me. I loved their music, yes, but mostly, I thought I was in love for the first time, with a boy who loved AvA, and I had manufactured an interest to have something in common with him. In the end, that was one of the only things we ever did end up talking about, before things got weird. The crush eventually, eventually became a memory, even though I thought the sting would never fade, because I was 15, 16, 17 and thinking of eternity as a thing I could stretch out and touch. The music, though, that stayed as something that was mine, something I loved even once I realized it couldn't have been love for a boy I barely even knew.

Thinking about how, more than a decade later, that band is coming to my city in the fall - and I'm sure they've been here since, but I've rarely been the type to attend concerts, with all my sensory issues: too much volume and too many bodies and too bright lights and all too much and me, always, too small and overwhelmed. After the pandemic year, though, I learned to look for sound, for presence; I longed to be surrounded in the midst of muffled isolation. I'm going, this time, with my best friend, who loves me and sees me and understands me in a way so few have ever cared to. I look now at a love that doesn't look anything like that one did at 15, a different kind of love entirely, and one that grounds me. Thinking about who I was then and who I am now, how they're not really two different people, how that adoration for AvA is a small-bright thread that binds us across the years. Wondering if someday, there'll be a kind of love like the one I wanted then, and what unforeseen thing will draw us together - whether, even, perhaps he'll like this music, too, or at least listen because he knows it's full of memory-meaning for me. How the history of that old crush still lingers, in this way, how it meant and means something, and the lovely variety of human connection.

There's poetry in this somewhere, I think.

[bangtan-madi]

Top Albums of 2020

I was tagged by the amazing @joonni to list my top nine twelve albums of 2020! This was honestly so hard, but so fun. I love any tags to do with music xD (Your music taste was amazing btw! Sorry I went a little crazy and did a few extra lol.) Thanks lovie 💓

I went with the albums that I loved as whole (aka I loved most, if not all, of the songs) and listened to the most this year. Some choices have deeper meanings, while others were just flat-out enjoyable. I also stuck with albums that came out this year only, but I wasn’t sure if that was inherently part of the challenge. I wasn’t too picky on the criteria, just went with the ones that made up the score for my 2020. All albums have Spotify links incase something catches your eye! (Apologies for my extra-ness; I added recommendations from each album and a brief...ish explanation as to why it made the list.)

Also, they’re in no particular order, because this was difficult enough...

Map of the Soul: 7 by BTS

Explanation — This album was my first comeback as part of the BTS Army. There are so many tracks that I adore, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I was so excited for music. It breathed life into my Spotify, it was the album I listened to the most this year, and Black Swan was my most listened song. The differing music genres that they played with, all the way from orchestral to trap to hip hop and synth pop, left me more and more excited as the songs progressed. If there was a #1 on this list, it would be MOTS:7.

Highlights — Interlude: Shadow, Black Swan, ON, We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal

Zero: Fever Part.1 by Ateez

Explanation — This was the soundtrack to my summer. I hadn’t heard much from Ateez, but what I had heard, I wasn’t a huge fan of? Maybe I hadn’t been grabbed yet, but oh boy. Zero: Fever definitely did that. Every track is such high energy and memorable, so it was so hard to pick favorites! I’ll always think back on this one for summer, and will be transported back to plenty of sunset commutes.

Highlights — Fever, Thanxx, One Day At A Time

The Dream Chapter: Eternity by Tomorrow x Together

Explanation — Until this mini album, I had only listened to TXT in passing. I liked their stuff, but I feel like this is where they really found their stride. TDC:E caught me totally off-guard, in the best way possible. To me at least, this one is a work of art. Each of the six tracks is so entrancing, and so different from each other while still working together as a cohesive story. And don’t even get me started on the MVs! This is an album that I listen to for feels and fun, which to me, TXT are just brilliant at. 

Highlights — Fairy of Shampoo, Maze in the Mirror, Eternally

Dystopia: The Tree of Language by Dreamcatcher

Explanation — It took me forever to find a girl group that I could really stan, like hardcore. This comeback for Dreamcatcher was when I realized they were it for me. This album in particular is so diverse. Their voices are both haunting and beautiful, and the way they interweave rock/alternative elements into their music has always turned my ear. They are so different from so many other girl groups out there, from the sound to their stage presence to their aesthetic. I will never stop talking about them, and this album really shows the best of their work thus far.

Highlights — Red Sun, Sahara, Paradise

BE by BTS

Explanation — How could BE not be on this list? What a perfect end to a shitty year. There’s something so comforting yet uplifting about this one, and I will happily admit I cried when I first heard Blue & Grey. Who am I kidding, I still do. There’s only one other artist I have listed on here with two albums, so BTS is in good company. What more is there to say other than BE was the warm hug we all needed.

Highlights — Life Goes On, Blue & Grey, Dis-ease, Stay

Heng:garae by Seventeen

Explanation — This is another group that I hadn’t listened to much before this album. I was so surprised and excited. Every song that passed, I found myself smiling more. Their voices are astoundingly beautiful, and the songs are sickeningly catchy. Another album that I go to just to have fun. It’s one of my favorites to just put on when a day is good, but doesn’t Seventeen make it a little better regardless?

Highlights — Fearless, Kidult, I Wish, Together

The Untamed by various

Explanation — If you’ve seen the Chinese drama The Untamed, then you know exactly why this is on there. This album is a collection of songs that are themes for the characters in the show, most of which are sung by the actors themselves. Let me tell you; I don’t know a lick of Mandarin, but these are some of the most stunning songs I’ve ever heard. It’s one of the things that drew me to the drama to begin with; everything, including the music, is breathtaking. The classical Chinese sound plays so well with the character’s stories and singer’s vocals. They tell stories all on their own and give the drama so much depth. Even if you’re not a fan of the show or webtoon it’s based on, give this one a listen. You won’t be disappointed!

Highlights — [Wen Qing] woodland, [Wen Ning] Chi Ni, [Lan Xichen] Bu You, [Jiang Yanli & Jin Zixuan] Yong Ge, [Interlude] Yi Nan Ping, [Nie Minghao & Nie Huaisang] Qing He Ju

Humanity (Chapters I & II) by Thomas Bergersen

Explanation — If you know anything about me, you know how important orchestral music is to me. It’s been a huge part of my music journey ever since I was in middle school. Thomas Bergersen has been my favorite composer for years; the way he integrates the classical with the modern is just...there are no words. These two albums cannot be listed separately; they’re part of a seven-part project titled Humanity. Chapters I & II came out in 2020, and honestly, I have no words. The way he tells a story through almost entirely lyric-less work is just immaculate. I’ve never felt more powerful, emotional, or inspired than when listening to these two. I cried when I first heard Your Imagination and Materialize. No matter how I am feeling, whether I need inspiration or hope or just some peace of mind, I go here. I’ve never felt more healed than when listening to his work. If you take a chance to listen to anything on this list, PLEASE. Give these a try. 

Highlights — We Are One, Wings, Humanity, Your Imagination, Materialize, Innocence, The Stars Are Coming Home

Brightest Blue by Ellie Goulding

Explanation — I don’t listen to a ton of western music that isn’t orchestral or lofi, but I used to adore Ellie Goulding. Halcyon was my entire teen-hood. When I saw she came out with a new album this year, I gave it a listen for sentimentality reasons. And boy, I still love her. Her voice is both angelic and haunting, and her sound is so unique. The messages given in these songs are powerful, potent, a tad bit bittersweet, and especially valid for young women navigating adult life. Also the instrumentals backing her vocals are often big and grand and symphonic, filled with piano and violin. That’s enough to get me to listen. And to top it all off, the collabs she has on this album are so fitting for each track, it’s absolutely beautiful.

Highlights — Start, Cyan, Ode To Myself, Woman, Flux, Overture, Slow Grenade, Hate Me

Beneath Your Waves by Sleepy Fish

Explanation — If there’s one kind of music that shuts off the little anxiety bug in my brain and gets me to work, one that isn’t as intense as orchestral music and that doesn’t put me into sensory overload like orchestral sometimes does, it’s lofi. And Sleepy Fish does it so freakin’ well. This album that came out this year is one of my most often repeated over and over. When I’m struggling with sensory issues at work, I put this one repeat and my mind just...goes...quiet. It’s like medicine. And the tunes are so catchy and sweet. I’m instantly transported to someplace magical, some seaside city straight out of a Ghibli film, and far away from the things that are troubling me. Then I can finally get some work done, get to sleep, or just quiet my mind. If you struggle with sensory issues or anxiety like I do, give this album a shot. Also, the album titled My Room Becomes The Sea from 2019 is excellent.

Highlights — Velocities, Sunbreak, Swimming, Nights Like These, Winter Winter

WOOPS! by Woodz

Explanation — Another mini album that is just a blast to listen to, but it also has such a soft side that hits me in the feels. I don’t see a lot of people talking about Woodz, but you all should give him a listen. He’s so talented, and his voice on this one is just *chef’s kiss* everything. The mixing is also impeccable and pairs so well with his vocals.

Highlights — Bump Bump, On my own, Sweater, Tide

D-2 by Agust D

Explanation — I mean, we all knew this one was gonna be dope. Yoongi did not disappoint. This mixtape is so different from most of the stuff I listen to, but I absolutely adored it. The truth and rhythm and pure talent in each and every verse stuns me still. I find myself especially drawn to this one when I’m frustrated (not exclusively, but often, ‘cause 2020.) Both his truth and sound give me a safe place to feel that frustration and anxiety and vent/work through it. I don’t know what it is about Yoongi, but to me, all of his work is like a comforting friend going, “Hey, you’re totally valid and okay for feeling this way...but it sucks, doesn’t it?” 

Highlights — Daechwita, People, Dear my friend

Now, I’ll tag these lovely people! Only if you wanna :)

@kooala​ @cultleaderyoongi​ @yoontopia​ @hobicomeholla29​ @helenazbmrskai​ @moon-write​ @dreamcatcherjiah​ @ditttiii​

[secret-engima]

So questions for the new verse. What is everyone else's reactions to learning about Nox's issues finding a Guide? How do the additional Sensory Issues affect her Quiet Days? How do Nyx and Nox end up bonding? Does Ardyn have any similar issues? Does Titus end up being his Guide in this Verse? What is Nox's reaction the first time Nyx helps her out of a Zone out? (Sorry to send you so many at once.)

It’s okay! I like the enthusiasm. So- to try to answer in maybe order (but probably not) (also keep in mind I’ve read like- two Sentinel-Guide fics in my entire life so my representation of the trope is probably utterly skewed because I’m making it up as I go based off the summaries I read):

-Regis is ... VERY surprised to learn that his eldest daughter is ALSO a Sentinel, since Noctis is the first known LC Sentinel in history (Ardyn laughs very quietly under his breath). Ardyn gently passes off the major coincidence as a side-effect of being an Izunia, as Izunia’s have “long had a tendency to be Sentinels”. Regis lets it go, but worries immensely when he realizes Nox has the same power issues as Noctis has (she doesn’t actually, hers are MUCH WORSE because of the Crystal memories, but she doesn’t tell him that). Clarus promises to look into finding a Guide strong enough to help her, but Nox tells him not to bother. Clarus still tries, because this is Regis’s daughter, but it rapidly becomes clear that the only Guide with a prayer of handling Nox is Titus, but Titus made a snap-bond with Ardyn that everyone is maybe freaking out over so...

-Quiet Days are now pretty much BECAUSE of her sensory issues, because her magic tends to feed into her senses and when she has too many KoL memories crowding in her head they feed into her senses and it HURTS. It hurts like fire and blood and knives of broken glass beneath her skin and she doesn’t so much wander during her Quiet Days has HIDE (Ardyn does too, and is ... honestly astonished by how much easier his Quiet Days are after Titus starts tracking him down and gently pulling him out of them). Everyone is super worried about Nox’s sensory issues, especially after she has a Zone-Out for like- 6 hours that not even Titus can pull her out from. It takes Titus and Regis working together to finally pull her free and she is exhausted by the end of it.

-Yes, Ardyn has similar issues, has had them for YEARS and honestly probably spent a good chunk of his imprisonment locked in a Zone-Out, which did NOTHING good for his sanity and was probably calmed down from them during his time in Niflheim through the use of Besithia-made drugs (which ALSO did nothing good to his sanity). Of course, Titus and Ardyn have accidentally made a snap-bond either during or shortly after the Binding of Glauca incident and so while tensions were high between them at first, Titus is firmly in Overprotective Mode now and has a good handle on dragging Ardyn back to reality, so Nox is actually way worse off than Ardyn (much to his worry).

-Nyx probably ends up bonding during the first time he helps Nox out of a Zone-Out (so when she’s around 16 or so depending on how rare her Zone-Outs are). He very much doesn’t mean to, but he knows that both Princesses have sensory issues as the only recorded LC Sentinels in history (until Ardyn’s Reveal anyway) and how most Guides don’t have a prayer of helping. Now, Nyx has no idea just how strong a Guide he is, because there’s not exactly any formal testing for that and because he’s a Jungle Hick, he knows he’s a Jungle Hick, and with how Insomnians are constantly underestimating Galahdians and Nyx’s only source of comparison are other Galahdians who also have no idea how strong they are, he believes he too would not have a prayer of helping.

-But then word goes out that she’s missing, probably hiding in a Quiet Day and all the Guides are called on to try to track her down. Nyx follows some ... instinct he can’t quite name but has always trusted and finds her tucked away in a corner, wheezing and shaking like a leaf, looking like she’s in pain just from existing. A touch-based Zone-Out, Nyx thinks and he’s heard from Crowe, Lib’s Sentinel, how painful those could be and he forgets all about calling for backup because Nox needs help NOW and Nyx has always been reckless.

-He reaches out with his mind, lets his Shields unfurl to gently ping Nox’s mind and promptly gets dragged under by the strength of her Zone-Out.

-If feels like drowning. If feels like burning. It feels like a thousand things and yet nothing at all (like drifting in a void as lifetimes roll by, an eternity captured in a second and a heartbeat stretched out for an age). Nox feels like she’s angry-happy-sad-old-young-dead-alive in her magic and emotions, so strong that Nyx’s own world blurs in a way he’s never known it could.

-And here is the thing. Nox’s KoL memories give shape to that blurring, give fuel and memory, but they do not create it. Magic does. Here is the thing no one but Ignis and Prompto of Nox’s time and the Ignis of this time know. LC magic will always try to pull in the Guide touching it, try to shape the reality that is being overridden by the hyper-enhanced sense in a sort of failed attempt to fix what magic itself is helping to break. This is the point where most Guides recoil and pull away, afraid of being caught and drowned in the tide when really the secret is to believe you can still breathe, to trust that no matter what magic tries to tell the Guide, reality is still the same, breathing is still the same, and all they have to do is find Noctis/Nox in the middle of it and pull her free. It’s not EASY, but it’s not complicated either. Most of the time. It’s just the terror of being wrenched under the flow of magic that stops most Guides before they can get started.

-But Nyx isn’t like most people. He isn’t afraid of magic, or the tides. He is jungle born and magic forged. Where the others panicked at the magic beneath their skin when they first felt it, struggled to accept the foreign thing as theirs to wield, Nyx had laughed and embraced it, reveled in the taste of ozone warping brought and the heartbeat of fire in his hands. So when Nox’s magic tries to yank him under, instead of recoiling, Nyx reaches out and dives.

-The world becomes a blurry battlefield, and impression of anger and fear as blood flows down too sensitive skin (the trigger of the Zone-Out, the memory of the feeling driving her sense of touch to the max without her consent). There are too many emotions to catch and Nyx feels like the ground could give beneath his feet at any second, and he’s VERY SURE that Guides aren’t supposed to feel or see things when helping a Sentinel, but this is Magic and magic breaks all the rules. So instead of panicking, Nyx takes a breathe, ignores the taste of blood on his tongue, and calls for Nox. He reaches, halfway between magical memory and reality, for Nox in the center of the maelstrom. He calls to her and lets magic pull his voice along rather than fighting it every inch of the way.

-He has an impression of blood red eyes, and then- Nox responds. Jerkily, hesitantly, but its enough for Nyx’s reality to solidify back to the Citadel and Nox’s hiding place, back to the princess shivering under the burning of her own skin, and Nyx doesn’t hesitate to wrap his mental shields around the storm of emotion-magic-memory-life-death that is Nox. Doesn’t hesitate to let her in. The storm is already under his skin anyway, a little more won’t kill him (he hopes).

-And Nox is desperate for the help and Nyx is stronger than he knows, and both those things together causes something between them to snap into place, bright and clear, a bond that lets emotions flow free between them, that lets Nyx feel Nox’s emotions beneath the tangle of KoL memory and let’s Nox anchor herself to the steady flare of Nyx’s soul and ... Nox’s shake stops. She blinks awake and breathes as her sense of touch finally dials back to normal, as she feels the world calm beneath strong shields that feel a little like far off thunder and fresh rain and concealing jungle vines.

-....What?

-Nox focuses on reality, on the BOND she thought was impossible to ever have now singing in her soul and stares at ... Nyx Ulric.

-Nyx stares back in equal shock and thinks that- just maybe- Lib was right about Nyx being destined to someday bite off more than he could chew.

-But Nox feels so relieved, so exhausted and disbelieving and overjoyed, like her entire soul is weeping that someone FINALLY was able to help her, bond with her, and Nyx already knows he will never regret it.

-Of course in about 3 years Nox is going to be 19 and Nyx is going to wake up and realize that his Princess Sentinel is Very Hot and Amazing and he’s head over heels for her and oh no. And then he will very much be a Regret. At least until Nox kisses him. XP.

[og-danny-dorito]

Hey Danny welcome back ❤ I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a lot right now, I hope things will turn peaceful for you soon ❤. If you feel up for it, could I get a JoJo part 5 matchup? - Both Sfw and nsfw are okay - She/her - 20 years old - I'm Pan - Hobbies: Video gaming, reading books, writing and sailing. - Brown eyes, olive skin, glasses, brown curls. - My friends would describe me as down to earth, someone with dry humor, open-minded and compassionate. ---

Aaa thank you so much!! I really appreciate you concern, things have been going better lately. Also this is my first jojo as and I'm QUAKING in my boots, please let me know if i can improve on anything! (Nsfw is under the cut ;]) and sorry i kinda got carried away so they’re a bit long

I match you with... Bruno Buccellati!

- dude i swear to god the moment i read your bio i was like “*gasp* its bruno” 😂😂😂

- honestly just from glancing over you and bruno seem to have a lot of similarities. you and him are both pretty down to earth and compassionate, and are open minded to the world around you but not naïve in any way. the two of you probably get along right off the bat more than him and some of his other colleges, just based on these similarities alone

- but having you around is refreshing to him! Being in Passioné means being exposed to all sorts of dangers on a day to day basis (which includes the other members), and so having someone who can sit down and just relax with him without feeling on edge is new and honestly wholeheartedly welcomed

- usually bruno decompresses by reading, and works on multiple books at once. The fact that you also enjoy this and dont view it as “boring” (a lot of people do its sad) makes him feel more comfortable with sharing his interests with you since he tends to have Old Man Tendencies for how he spends his time

- oh, you like sailing? This man grew UP sailing. Expect some of your dates to be the both of you going out to sail to some private coast to have a picnic or go fishing, with him telling you about stories with his father and how he used to do that with him sometimes

- he also really likes to share things with you, even though he may have a similar issue of closing people off when he feels under the weather. having had to grow up with his father most of the time who was busy trying to provide for him, he didnt really speak much about his feelings in fear of worrying his father

- he still sorta does this since he doesn't have many people to talk to that he doesnt feel like he’s bothering, but he in no way wants you to feel the same way. the moment he sees you closing yourself off he makes it clear that he’s there by checking up on you or holding your hand or anything else he can think of. if you dont want to talk that’s alright, but he wants you to know that he’s there if you need anything and that you’re not alone as long as he’s around

- okay now onto the SPICEY

- so like,, this man is a huge dork and so he’s gonna make your first time SPECIAL

- seriously, sex is something he views as really important and sacred to him, and so he wants to make sure that you’re both in the mood for it. he might not go all out with candles (he’s thought about it, they’re a fire hazard and he doesn't wanna have to explain to the police that you burnt the house down house sucking each others’ faces)

- but he’s defintely gonna bring you to a nice dinner and tell you exactly whats on his mind and how thankful he is beforehand, probably taking the lead if you’re inexpirienced or more timid (hes also gonna assure you that its okay if you want to back out at any point in time, he’s not one to push people)

- hes very soft and sweet the first time, and it kinda continues like that unless you propose otherwise. this man is a big switch with public top energy but bottom vibes as soon as he’s behind closed doors, and would defintely be eternally greatful for some servicing if you’re alright with it

- he’s a mess of pleading once you get him to lay on his back and let you do what you wat to him, probably covering his face due to the embarrassment of being so exposed

- oh, and he's CONSISTENTLY down to eat you out. I mean shit have you seen his tongue? The dude knows how to use it and exactly the kindof effect it has on you, and he isnt afraid to use it

- PLEASE tell him he’s doing great while you ride his face. like he LIVES on your praise and likes to know that he’s doing alright, so you just telling him that he’s doing Well makes him that much more adamant

- oh also EDGING. he has a thing for edging and like sensory deprivation for some reason (both ways). honestly with a lot of discussion beforehand he’d probably tie your hands to the bedpost and blindfold you before literally going to town on eating you out. as long as he can get you begging and whimpering he’s viewed the job as half-done

- he’d deny your orgasm if he had it in him, but he doesnt want to keep you waiting for too long. Bruno aims to please a good portion fo the time, and so he’s going to make you cum as many times as phsycially possible just to make sure you’re satisfied, even if it means denying himself in the process. but if you insist on going another round for him to catch his release he’s muttering “thank you”’s in to your ear and telling you how good you make him feel

- he usually prefers to take a bath or shower after sex before climbing into bed with you, but after a long day he pretty much drifts off to sleep pretty quickly. he apologizes for it most of the time, but you say its alright cause it gives you more opportunity to run your hands through his hair

- overall, the two of you would make the perfect “Mom and Dad” couple in your friend groups due to both being on the more mature side. you calm him and make him feel at home, and he probably wants to marry you at some point

[ Thanks For Asking! ]

[nellied-reviews]

The Sound and the Fury Re-listen

Well, I've reached episode 7 in my Wolf 359 re-listen, which means it's time for:

The Sound and the Fury

In which Hera and Minkowski are fighting, Eiffel gets caught in the middle, and Hilbert just wants them all to submit to the biologically superior will of the Blessed Eternal.

Straight up, I should probably admit that I forgot about this episode, or rather I didn't link the episode title to the episode's events until I was listening to it. And then I was like "oh, yeah, this is that episode" all the way through. For whatever reason, I thought, in particular, that the plant monster didn't come back until Season 2, with The Paranoia Game. That said, I love the plant monster to a possibly unreasonable degree, so its return here was more than welcome, and the rest of the episode was also fun!

We open in the middle of an argument - and for once, it's not Eiffel's fault. In fact, Eiffel isn't even involved, except insofar as he's trapped in the middle between Hera and Minkowski, and is forced to be the voice of reason as the two of them have it out. 

And look, that is always going to be a funny set-up. Hera and Minkowski are both incredibly stubborn personalities, and not at all shy about asserting their opinions, so there's definitely potential for a comically drawn-out, petty argument there. And casting Eiffel as the reasonable, level-headed peacekeeper, in contrast to the two of them, is perfect. It's in character - Eiffel always has been the most pacifist crew member - but it's also a role he's just totally unsuited to, because faced with the combined stubbornness of Hera and Minkowski, he's outmatched, and he knows it.

In an effort not to get involved, then, Eiffel briefly runs through the week's schedule, in a section that isn't really linked to the rest of the episode, but is full of little oddities that remind us just how weird the Hephaestus is. They have a compulsory chess tournament that Hilbert always wins. They have movie night, but only a VHS of Home Alone 2. "On Friday we'll have mustard." It's so weird, and I love it.

We're interrupted, at this point, by Hilbert, who sounds very strange, even for him. And naturally, Eiffel ignores it completely at first, focussed as he is on the unfolding Hera-Minkowski conflict. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, for such a pop culture-savvy guy, Eiffel falls into literally every horror movie cliché. He's so oblivious!

For the rest of us, it's obvious that something's wrong, and our suspicions are confirmed when we learn over the course of his conversation with Eiffel that Hilbert went looking for the plant monster, which now seems to be mind-controlling him, to the point where he's convinced that it's "the most evolutionarily competitive lifeform on this station, the most deserving of life."

And okay, I love the plant monster, but that's very alarming, and is made even more so by the fact that it's something that Hilbert might conceivably have said anyway? I mean, it's cold and Darwinistic and smacks of eugenics, yes, but it also has a callous ruthlessness to it that's totally Hilbert's style, as well as that trademark lack of concern for human life. It's like the plant monster just exaggerated what was already there, turned the mad scientist dial up to eleven. In other words, it made Hilbert even more Hilbert-y.

Luckily, Eiffel realises soon enough that something's wrong, and goes to warn Minkowski. Minkowski, being a mature, rational individual, immediately drops her argument with Hera and goes to - oh, wait, no, she does basically the opposite of that, ignoring Eiffel in favour of continuing her argument with Hera. Great. Good job, Commander.

It's at this point, of course, that we finally learn exactly what Minkowski and Hera are arguing about. And is it petty. Turns out, Minkowski wants Hera to submit reports on the various systems she runs around the station in case there's an emergency, but also just because Minkowski wants to know what's going on behind the scenes. We don't get to hear Hera's side of things just yet, but already, we can see the irony in Minkowski's arguments. Sure, she wants to be better appraised of everything going on onboard the Hephaestus in case of an emergency - but her stubbornness here means she's missing the emergency that's unfolding right under her nose!

Eiffel's attempts to make her see sense don't really help either, at this juncture. Instead, they just get him dragged into Minkowski and Hera's argument. Which I'm sure is that last thing he wants, because those two play dirty. First Minkowski pressures him into saying, to Hera's face, that he doesn't think AIs should be trusted. And then Hera, angry, plays Eiffel's words from earlier back to Minkowski, twisting what he said around so that both parties are angry at him. As a result, Eiffel ends up walking an impossibly thin line, trying to appease both of his friends, while keeping himself out of their argument as best he can and while getting increasingly frustrated with the both of them. It's a painfully awkward situation, and I genuinely feel sorry for him.

That said, the argument that then plays out is fascinating to me, because I think it shines a really interesting light on the power dynamics onboard the Hephaestus, putting the focus on Hera and Minkowski's relationship in a way that we haven't really seen before. Up until now, after all, they seem to have worked in tandem pretty well, with Minkowski giving orders and Hera carrying them out. Here, for the first time, we see a tension between them, stemming from the fact that Minkowski, as the commanding officer, nominally has the most power onboard the Hephaestus, while Hera, as the ship's AI, probably actually has the most power, between her vast sensory array, her huge databanks, and her literally running the entire Hephaestus. Yes, Minkowski is technically in charge, purely by virtue of her being a human. But Hera, on a day-to-day basis, is actually more crucial to their ongoing mission - even though, as an AI, she doesn't get to hold an official ranking position.

That's possibly why Hera takes Eiffel's well-meaning dismissal ("It's just her programming") so personally. It's a reminder of her different, subordinate status, and it reeks of a double standard - she's right that nobody would think to blame a human's erratic behaviours on their biology. That would be patronising, right? As much as Eiffel means well, writing Hera's reactions off as mere programming strips her of her agency - something that comes up again and again in her character arc. How much is Hera responsible for her actions, if she can also be programmed to act a certain way? In what ways has she been "made" a certain way, against her will? And how can she best deal with that while still retaining a sense of agency and control over her life and identity?  They're big, complicated questions, and we're only really scratching the surface here, but I do think it's a solid foundation for later developments. At the very least, we get the impression that Hera doesn't like to be reduced to her programming - and rightly so, I suspect. To some extent, at least, she is more than just the code that she is made of, just like humans are more than the sum of their biology. And that's a good thing to be establishing now, buried in the middle of a relatively low-stakes argument, before the more plotty stuff kicks off later on in the show.

And of course, it also bleeds into Hera and Minkowski's argument, which really picks up steam at this point, after an impassioned but ultimately futile speech from Eiffel about how it's a stupid fight to begin with and how making him pick sides is dumb and unfair. Hera, ignoring this, accuses Minkowski of feeling threatened by the big, powerful AI. That, for Hera, is why Minkowski is micromanaging her. It's because she's a typical human, insecure about an AI having more power than her.

Hera's point is almost immediately complicated by Minkowski, who rightly points out that the issue, for her, isn't that Hera's an AI. It's that Hera' unreliable. She keeps breaking down and glitching, and so the crew keep experiencing emergencies that could maybe be avoided if Hera would just give Minkowski the reports she wants. We've seen Hera break down as recently as last episode, and so this does kind of ring true, even if the way that Minkowski brings up Hera' vocal glitching feels like a bit of a low blow.

Both of them, then, have a point, and I think it's also worth noting that it's also, as Minkowski points out to Eiffel, a question of protocol. Whether Hera likes it or not, Minkowski is, technically, her commanding officer, and should be able to just give her commands and demand reports from her. Refusing to do so undermines Minkowski's authority. That said, Hera didn't exactly have a choice when it came to joining whatever weird sort-of military thing Goddard has going on. She never signed up for the whole "commanding officer" thing, so why should she obey Minkowski? Because she's programmed to?

It's messy, grey situation, with no clear answers, and it's worth noting that the argument doesn't really get resolved. Neither Minkowski nor Hera back down at any point. Instead, a combination of Eiffel calling them out for being childish and Hilbert attempting a coup snaps them out of it, reminding them that they have bigger problems right now. There is a time and a place for the discussion they were having. But that time is not now, and so they decide, without really discussing it, to set aside their grievances. It's not that their respective opinions aren't valid. But keeping each other (and the rest of the crew) safe comes first, and so they bond over being annoyed at Eiffel, and they set off to save Hilbert. It's sweet, in a way, and I like how quickly they both just get on with it. And Eiffel's dejected resignation at the end is the cherry on top. Bless him.

And so we get to the end of an episode that, while it's reliably funny, also gives us an outline of the main points in an argument that we probably should have seen coming. It's yet another example of how stress and tension can easily build up in the contained, isolated atmosphere of the Hephaestus - only this time, we don't get Eiffel cracking and hoarding toothpaste, we get Hera and Minkowski cracking and unleashing the titular sound and fury. The points raised get us thinking, in particular, about Hera's status, as an AI, but also just as a member of the Hephaestus' crew. Eiffel, meanwhile, is forced into a responsible, mediating role that he is neither comfortable in nor particularly good at. And at the end of the day, we're reassured that Minkowski and Hera do, at least, have their priorities straight. Arguing over reports is fine and dandy, but it's not worth getting killed over.

And of course, perhaps most excitingly, the plant monster returns. Surrender your flesh, and feed your new master :)

 Miscellaneous thoughts:

It doesn't escape my attention that this is the second title that's a Shakespeare reference. Keeping it classy there, Doug

"Umm... that's all it says for Friday."

The schedule bit is basically the Night Vale Community Calendar segment, but in space

Hilbert's voice in this is sooo weird and dull and creepy ugh

I know the science of it isn't really the focus here, and I'm 100% down with that, but also how does a plant mind control people?!? I want to know!

"Our operating system is a tin-headed, insubordinate, feckless fool!"

"Sit your Swiss ass down, and take a side, Doug."

Aww, Eiffel just sounds so confused and stressed-out by the whole situation :(

And finally we get the obvious Little Shop of Horrors plant monster joke :)

I didn't go into much detail about Eiffel in this, but his speech where he finally gets them to shut up and work together again is also great and I love it jsyk

"Shut up, Plant-Hilbert." Bwahahahaha.

[griffins-fanfic]

Lovesick

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: Prinxiety, Logicality

Word Count: 1855

Logan had planned to spend the night with music, tea, and the stack of library books he had recently acquired, but the universe had other plans for him. Thirty pages into his book, his roommate came into the living room and flopped dramatically onto his lap. Virgil screamed for a good forty-five seconds into Logan’s thighs.

    “I presume that you saw the show?” Roman had invited them to see in a production of some community show he was in, but Logan found that musicals tended to trigger his sensory issues, so he respectfully declined.

    “He has absolutely no right to be that pretty. How is that fair?” Virgil groaned. “How could he do this to me?”

    “I picked up a couple books you might enjoy, would you like to read one of them?” Logan wasn’t sure whether he wanted the distraction, but he thought he should try. Hopefully Virgil wouldn’t talk his ear off for an hour again.

    “I know you avoid those meet and greets like the plague, but there really is another energy to them. I went to go congratulate him afterwards, and I could think about nothing more than how much I wanted to kiss him. Then I gave him the flowers I bought him. I bought him flowers, Logan, Flowers! Why did I do that? What if he thinks that’s weird.”

    “Flowers are the traditional thing to give performers after the show. It started in the 1930s with dancers, and it signifies praise at a person’s performance. The exchange of flowers can be considered perfectly platonic, and Roman is most likely too busy enjoying the validation he got from it to think of it as anything weird. Did you enjoy it?”

    “The cast was good, but he was truly the shining star. He commanded the stage every time he was on it, which was a lot of the time. I was in the second row and I could see how alive his face was, he was having so much fun. He’s so, argh!, it’s frustrating how lovable he is.”

    Logan sighed. “You know-”

    Virgil interrupted him by shoving his hand in Logan’s face. “Pulse.” Logan took his pulse, counting it along with the clock on the wall. It was high.

    “I know what you want to say, but you know as well as I do that I could never do that. Remember, I’ve tried. It didn’t go well.” That was an exhausting day. Logan had to deal with mid-panic attack Virgil in his room at 2 am. But this endless pining was starting to grate on his nerves.

    “Have you tried texting him?”

    “Confessing my feelings over text? To Roman?” He’d never accept that.”

    “A letter? I’m sure his hopeless romantic heart would adore it.”

    “I can never find wording good enough. My feelings are too much to put into words adequately.”

    “So you’re just going to talk my ear off for eternity while I’m trying to read? You need to get over yourself and tell him. I’m telling you that whatever horrible thing you think is going to happen will never transpire. The worst case scenario is a small period of awkwardness until you two deal with it. Roman adores you too much to do the big, dramatic rejection you’re imagining.”

    Virgil mumbled something into his lap that sounded suspiciously like “hypocrite” before he rolled over. “I’ll take one of those books.”

    Logan managed to enjoy the rest of his night with his book, just with the added element of his roommate in his lap

~~~

Logan was pining hard, and it nearly made Virgil cringe. He recognized the change in Logan’s demeanor anytime Patton entered the room. The look in his eyes whenever Patton smiled. The sigh he let out whenever he got a text. It was real pathetic, but he couldn’t comment on it without Logan giving him that look. The look of “you’re one to talk.”

    During a weekly movie night, He got fed up. He had been assigned snack duty with Roman, so he brought it up while they were in the kitchen.

    “We need to deal with Logan.” He said, startling Roman, who had been reaching for the pretzels.

    “What are you talking about?” Roman asked,

    “You know exactly what I’m talking about. His pining is too pathetic, it’s disgusting.”

    “Well I think it’s quite sweet. There’s something magical about the crush stage of a relationship.”

    “Yeah, well, it was cute for the first six months. I’m sure it’ll be even cuter when they grow a pair and actually start dating.”

    Roman scoffed. “You have no romanticism. You probably haven’t even been in love before!”

    Virgil held back the half sob, half laugh that was bubbling up. He had no idea. Instead he sighed, and hopped up to sit on the counter. “Look, can we get back to the task at hand?”

    “I’ve got some piping hot tea for you. Patton definitely reciprocates.”

    Virgil gasped dramatically and put his hand over his mouth. “Shock and awe! I had no idea! Normally I’d say let them work it out on their own, I wouldn’t want people meddling in my own relationships, but if I have to deal with one more lovesick sigh whenever Logan sees a photo of him on Facebook, I’m going to freak.”

    Roman pulled the popcorn out of the microwave. “Ok, I have a plan that might work.” He leaned in to whisper it into Virgil’s ear.

~~~

Logan was going to die. There was all this room on the couch and Patton had chosen to lean up against him. Patton was a naturally tactile person, anyone who knew him even vaguely was aware of that, but he had no idea what he was doing to Logan.

    His heart was beating indescribably fast, and a little part of his brain was convinced that Patton could hear it, even if the idea was absurd. He was leaning against his shoulder, not his chest.

    Virgil came into the room with Patton’s biggest bowl filled with popcorn. He, respectively, sat at the other end of the couch. Patton sat up a little bit, but was still a little close for comfort, even though most of Logan was enjoying it.

    “Where’s Roman?” Patton asked, and Logan’s heart fluttered. His voice was so soft and caring,

    “He had to take a phone call, he’ll be back soon. Did y’all decide on a movie yet?”

    “The first Harry Potter movie! Logan hasn’t seen it yet, somehow.”

    “You know I find fantasy a little too dreamy for my tastes. I did read the books in high school, but I never cared to watch the movies.”

    Roman rushed into the room. “My apologies, but I’m afraid I’m needed elsewhere. Remy just called me in a panic. Apparently he’s getting proposed to tonight and needs my help on choosing his outfit.” He then checked his phone, pretending to get a text. “And he’s requesting Virgil’s help with makeup.”

    Patton sat up fully then, and Logan was both relieved and disappointed. He missed the warmth. “Oh dear. We can postpone the movie till tomorrow night.”

    “NO!” Roman shouted, way too enthusiastic.

    The room was stunned into silence before Virgil saved it. “Everything’s all prepared, it would be a shame for us to waste it. Besides, Roman and I have seen the movie a hundred times. You two enjoy yourself, we will go help him.”

    They rushed out the door, leaving the two alone. Logan resented them for it.

    As soon as the door closed behind them, Patton started shoveling popcorn into his mouth. “Well, that was the worst excuse I’ve ever heard.”

    “Wh-what?” Logan asked.

    “It was obviously just a ploy to get us alone. Remy would never ask for anyone else’s fashion advice, even Roman’s.”

    “Why would they do that.” Logan knew full well why, but he wanted to see what Patton thought.

    “Well, because I’m in love with you, silly. I could hear them scheming in the kitchen.” Logan had been too busy screaming internally to pay attention to them while they were getting snacks and-wait, what did he just say?

    “What did you just say?”

    Logan watched as Patton processed the gravity of the words he had just said. “I mean, uh, I, well. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drop a bombshell like that so casually. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel the same, if fact, it’s truly understandable. I mean, I don’t know why I thought you would feel the same in the first place. It’s just a silly little crush.”

    “Patton.” Logan tried to cut him off, but he kept rambling.

    “And I wouldn’t even be offended I was just being dumb-”

    Logan took Patton’s face in his hands. “Can I kiss you?”

    This time Patton was the one that was speechless. “Huh?”

    “Can. I. Kiss. You?”

    “Uhm, yes.”

    And so he did. And he had no idea why in the world he waited so long. No fireworks exploded, no intertwining of souls. But it was soft, and gentle, and was the best thing Logan had ever experienced, and he once solved a Rubik’s Cube in thirty seconds.

    They did get through the movie, but Logan spent a lot of it staring at the man he was cuddling, incredulous.

~~~

Roman and Virgil had found themselves in the park after their escape. It was dark out, so there were no kids on the playground. Virgil was hanging upside down from the monkey bars while Roman paced back and forth in front of him, ranting about story idea that had nestled itself into his mind.

    “So the dragon witch is like ‘roar! No man can save the maiden!’ then the knight goes all Eowyn like ‘I am no man!’ and the maiden and the cook live happily ever after!”

    Virgil did his best to shrug while upside down. “Could be gayer.” The phrase had become a sort of inside joke between the two of them.

    Roman muttered angrily. “Could be-it’s already real gay! It’s lesbian fantasy!”

    “Could be gayer.”

    Roman only scoffed and picked up his pacing again. Virgil loved watching him while he was in the zone, it was one of the only times he could openly stare without getting caught.

    “I love you.” He muttered, then panicked when Roman stopped. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, much less loud enough that he could hear it. “I mean, uh,” That’s when he fell off the monkey bars.

    “By the beard of Zeus! Virgil, are you okay?”

    Virgil stood up and dusted himself off. “I’m fine, just a small scrape on my palm.” Virgil hoped the fall would distract Roman from his confession.

    “We should go get that cleaned up.” Roman paused. “But before that.”

    Virgil wondered what he was going to do, then he found himself being kissed. Ah, he was going to do that. The kiss was short, but passionate, and both were gasping when they pulled away.

    “How was that?” Roman asked.

    Virgil just shrugged, small smile dancing across his face. “Could be gayer.” Roman shoved him away before Virgil pulled him back for another.

[eldritchsurveys]

740.

How many walls are in your bedroom? >> Six, because the closet juts out from one of the corners. What do you think about Fall Out Boy? >> I enjoy their music quite a bit, especially Save Rock and Roll and Mania. Do you know where Guatemala is? >> Generally, yes. Specifically, nope. Do you find musicians attractive? >> I think being skilled in an art form -- but especially music -- is attractive, but not, like, “I want to sleep with you”-attractive, which is what I think people mean by this question. Just... I like art, I especially like music, by extension I’m interested by people who make art and especially music. Do you like hard boiled eggs? >> Yeah.

Do you know anyone named Hector? >> I used to, but we didn’t really call him that, we called him Luis. Would you move to another country for the one you love? >> I’ve moved across country for someone, but emigration is a lot harder than that, so I don’t know. I think what’s more important is whether I could even emigrate in the first place, seeing as the process is difficult even for people with money and marketable skills... Do you own an instrument? >> No. What do you usually have for lunch? >> I don’t usually eat a lunch, per se. I kind of graze for most of the day. The most organised thing I might make is a sandwich or some microwave thing. Ever had a pregnancy scare? >> Yes. What do you think about the Purple People Eater? >> I don’t really know what it is, if I’m honest. I’ve heard the song and I’ve heard references to it, but that’s it. Are you pale or tan? >> Dark-skinned. I’ve seen complaints about the America-centric lines of questioning in surveys, but can we talk about the whiteness lmao... What’s the weather like right now? >> Cloudy and chilly. I don’t know where Lady Spring is, but someone please tell her that I am dying. Do you like cats? >> Not especially. I can live with one if I must, obviously, since I do; but I’m not really interested in his existence or anything. I’m kind of turned off by people going apeshit about cats all the time, if I’m honest, but it’s hard to be honest about that without people taking offense. It’s not you, it’s me, etc etc. (It’s probably because I’m a spider and everyone hates spiders.) What’s the best part about Wal*Mart? >> I don’t know, I’m not terribly fond of Wal*Mart myself. Do you think Akon is amazing or annoying? >> I haven’t heard his name in years, lmao. Also, I have no opinion. Do you like the buzz cigarettes give you? >> Yeah, which is the reason I pick up a clove every now and then. Sometimes I just want to get into that headspace. Are you a practical joker? >> No. Do you like pop? >> Not the Pepsi and Coke kinds. I like “weird” sodas, I guess. And ginger beer, which is sort of like a soda. What are you looking forward to? >> Hmm. Oh, Sparrow is going back to work on Monday, apparently! Out of context it sounds like I hate her or something, probably, but it’s not that at all. She’s the only person I can bear being quarantined with. But like, I just like being in the apartment alone for a while. I feel... constricted when someone else is around all the time, and while that’s lessened with her it isn’t nonexistent lmao. I just need time where I’m left to my own devices without being observed by other people, any other people, it’s a weird need but it’s mine and I’ll be glad to have that need met again. Have you ever laughed so hard you couldn’t breathe? >> Yeah. What’s your favorite band? >> The Receiving End of Sirens is one. Do you feel stupid when you spill things on yourself? >> Yeah. Are you excited for summer? >> I would be, under normal circumstances! Now I just dread having to be stuck inside for the whole thing. I’m going to try walking trails and stuff, just to... be the fuck outside, but still. Have you ever snuck out? >> No. When’s the last time you were kissed? >> Oh, I don’t know. Would you ever eat popcorn & salsa? >> No, thanks. Do you sleep with the television on? >> Nope. I require silence. The only exception is, say, I’m in a motel room and other guests are being rowdy. Then I’ll put on something to, like, have a controlled and constant sound going as a counter to their chaos. Would you ever want to be able to be invisible? >> I mean, sure, there are situations where I could see that being advantageous. What does your favorite shirt look like? >> I don’t have one. What’s your favorite scent? >> ^ Skype, Msn, Aim, or Yahoo? >> Discord. What’s your favorite time of the day? >> I like dawn. I also like dusk, but only in the summer. Summer dusk is a beautiful thing. Do you hate the phrase “love ya” when coming from a boyfriend/girlfriend? >> No...? What do you do when someone in the room has b.o.? >> Distance myself as much as possible, as discreetly as possible. I don’t want to embarrass them, I just don’t want to deal with sensory overload. What movie would you like to see right now? >> Oh, stuff. How many times a day do you shower? >> It depends on the day. Some days, zero. Some days, once. What do you think of the name Chloe? >> It’s all right. I wouldn’t give it to a character, but it’s all right. Do you like Hollister? >> I’ve never even been inside one. (I’m pretty sure that’s one of the stores that they spray fragrance throughout, like Abercrombie, so that’s all the reason I need to never go inside.) What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? >> Absinthe. Do you like 80’s music? >> Sure, some of the music I like was made in the eighties. Do you have to wear glasses or have contacts? >> No. Do you play Halo or Gears of War? >> I played Gears with a friend years ago. I don’t play it now, though. That kind of game is pretty much only enjoyable for me with a friend, so. How do you feel about cleaning? >> I hate it, but I love the results. What do you think of emo kids? >> I appreciate them. Do you like the movie Grease? >> I haven’t seen it since I was a teenager, probably, so I don’t really remember it. I just have a vague recollection of a couple of the songs, and I remember what the main characters looked like. I’d probably like it if I watched it again; my thing for greasers is still alive and kickin, after all. Do you like singing? >> Sure do.

What’s your favorite Jim Carrey movie? >> The Number 23! I love that movie so much. Now I want to rewatch it.... I’m going to rewatch it. I’m going to spend four dollars to rent it on YouTube as soon as I’m finished with this smh, I can’t resist. It just hits me right where I live,  something about it is so intensely relatable for me, I don’t know. Probably because I’m haunted by a number, too. Runner-up for fave Carrey flick is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. There’s a knock at your door at 4 in the morning; what do you do? >> Nothing. Whoever it is, we have no business with them. Do you like peaches? >> Sure. Ever lost a best friend? >> No.

Ever heard of a town called Wadena? >> No. Have you ever been to a funeral? >> Yes. What’s your favorite sport? >> Figure skating. What do you think about homeschooling? >> I’m interested in it, and the ways in which it can be implemented. I’m also pretty against a lot of things about public schooling in America, so, you know. What do you think about French people? >> I don’t have any opinions about French people. Do you like your parents? >> They don’t like me, which I think settles the issue right there. What do you think about Minnesota? >> I don’t have any thoughts about Minnesota. Do/did you like high school? >> I did not. Do you have any Asian friends? >> I’m acquainted with a few Asian people. Is it cold where you live? >> Yes, still. I fucking hate it. Do you find accents attractive? >> I mean, not as a rule. I find the mechanics of language interesting, so that attracts me, I guess. Do you hate it when people make spelling mistakes? >> No. Would you ever let your boyfriend/girlfriend do your makeup? >> Sure. She knows more about it than I do. Do you like to shop? >> No. How long are you on the computer during a 24 hour period? >> For just about the entire time I’m awake, nowadays. When I’m not in quarantine, then it depends on what else is happening that day. Is money really that important? >> I mean, sure it’s important. I can’t believe that would ever be in question. Wars are fought over it, people suffer and die because they don’t have enough of it, and people lose their whole sense of compassion and empathy when they have too much of it. It’s important, all right. Have you ever broken a bone? >> Nope. Who is your favorite family member? >> --- What size bed do you have? >> Twin, because it’s the only size that would fit in this room without making it utterly claustrophobic. I bark my elbow on the wall and accidentally knock shit off my nightstand all the time, but at least it’s a real bed that belongs to me, for once. What age do you want to be married? >> Well, I was 32, so.

What’s the last thing your wrote? >> Like, longhand? I have no idea. What do you think of your town? >> I don’t care for it. When’s the last time you played hide & go seek? >> Thanksgiving or some holiday like that. I played with Edward, who is a toddler. I always play with him when we see his parents on holidays, even when it makes me tired (where do kids get all that energy???), because I like him.