#don't judge me i'm going through something rn

[sarah-crewe]

Rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people 🎶  

tagged by @jennamacaroni 😘

1. Death By A Thousand Cuts by Taylor Swift

2. I Knew by Lizzy McAlpine

3. Don’t by Wild Rivers

4. cowboy like me by Taylor Swift

5. Vigilante Shit by Taylor Swift

6. I Burned LA Down by Noah Cyrus

7. Brush Fire by Sierra Eagleson

8. CHRONICALLY CAUTIOUS by Braden Bales

9. labour by Paris Paloma

10. Lovely Enough by Emily James

tagging @thecrackshiplollipop @roarsaidthedinosaur @also-angels @stellesappho @stennnn06 @knockfivetimes @mimi-maru

[arcaneyouth]

aheem heem...... whimper..........

[malusokay]

How to touch some grass

A guide for chronically online girlies who spend every second of their life scrolling through Tumblr. (no front, I love you <3)

Go on a walk. Fresh air, baby!

Lay in the sun. Or in the rain, since it's autumn.

Read a book. Only if you are able to with your goldfish TikTok attention span, lol. <3

Draw Something. I challenge you to draw a cat. send it to me on Twitter @ malusokay and I'll draw a better one. try me.

Try learning a new language. A date with the Duolingo bird.

Go to the theatre alone. Sit in one of those couple seats and stare at the cringy couples while eating popcorn; ignore the movie lmao.

Clean your room. Or reorganize it!

Climb a tree. At your own risk.

Make yourself some tea. Maybe host a tea party!

Try a new hairstyle. I've been trying those low space buns jk?

Bake a cake. Like a fancy and cool one!

Throw your phone into a lake and try to find it. :)

Workout or do yoga. Pilates can be fun too.

Try making friends in irl. This is a tough one, I'm sorry. <3

Paint your nails. Mine are black rn!

Start planning your birthday. Or write your Christmas wishlist.

Go get a coffee. Make your way to your local cafe and try something new! <3

Try learning how to crochet. I've been crocheting makeup bags, lmao.

Do your skincare routine. Do a face mask, and take time for yourself. <3

Make a smoothie. I'll give you a recipe... Banana, raspberries, strawberries, yoghurt for protein, your milk of choice and some coconut flakes as a topping!

Do your homework. So you can be lazy without feeling guilty.

Water your plants. They did nothing wrong... come on.. :(

Go to Ikea. Who doesn't love IKEA?? (not sponsored, lol)

Don't judge me, I wrote this at 3am, and I have the flu. It was fun tho haha.

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

[lawqual1ty]

Why...? (College AU! Trafalgar Law x Gn! Reader)

Pov: Hanging out with some of your mutual friends results in you having a new doubt that racks your brain for a bit... Unfortunately (or not) thanks to a twist in fate you end up having to be attended by your roommate where finally your questions are answered...

I got the idea thanks to me actually going through the same thing rn

This is a part 2 following the story line of this fic! Since so many people seemed to want more and who am I to say no?

Warning: Sort of angsty (I was feeling sad sorry), Hurt to comfort, Migraine, curse words

"Say what now...?" You stopped stirring your coffee with your straw as you looked flabbergasted at the two guys sitting in front of you.

Sachi and Penguin nodded as they looked at you with a same level of shock while Bepo just seemed a tad bit confused by the situation, although judging by his worried eyes it was pretty serious.

"Yeah... He never lets anyone hang around him when he's studying..." Sachi started, a hint of concern in his voice.

"Or worse let them touch him..." Penguin added with a small sweat drop rolling down his temple.

Your brain took an awkwardly long time to process everything... You kept going back and forth between their words and the memories you had shared with Law during these two years that you had been roommates. Something didn't seem right, although yeah he wasn't the warmest or openest guy in the universe he was never very shut off to you... Going from casual hang outs while you two studied to you sometimes helping him out with caring for his tattoos after the previous shirtless incident (you grew used to seeing him bare chested as he began asking you for help with placing some hydrating creams or sunscreen on his back tattoo). Silence surrounded the three of you as you slowly narrowed your eyes in almost a comedic manner.

"You're lying..."

"WE'RE NOT!"

They yelped making both you and Bepo flinch with wide eyes as the poor bear started apologizing profusely while you patted him on the back, he could be quite the fragile guy sometimes, although it was adorable. You looked back at Sachi and Penguin with a confused look.

"But then... Why is it different with me? I guess it's because I'm his roommate right...?" You were reasoning more with yourself than with the two males, you turned your head over to Bepo with a furrowed expression "He's your best friend right? He must let you do that same stuff because he trusts ya'..."

Bepo looked over at you for a minute before gently shaking his head "Not one bit..." His demeanor then turned apologetic as you flinched at his words "Sorry"

You couldn't help but sigh as you kept gently stroking his back "Don't be..."

"That's what we're telling you! It's super rare..." Penguin started out as he tapped his fingers on the table only making you grunt further as you squeezed your eyes shut "There's something weird going on here... Maybe something..."

Although you had your eyes closed you could sense how both Sachi and Penguin looked over at each other with a creepy blushing face, the faintest scent of blood coming out of their nostrils making you sigh deeply "Don't..."

They gently stopped although you had a feeling that the idea of it being because of "something else" never left their mind as they started giggling on their own. You rubbed the temple of your nose as you tried to process everything, the mere idea of what you considered to be normal in Law now being rare raised so much questions which, based on your previous experience, know they were going to go unanswered...

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

One thing to know about having Law as your roommate is that he usually kept a lot of fitness stuff around, being a medicine student he cares a lot about his health together with yours so it wasn't unusual to find some stuff organized to the side of the room where he usually worked out when he had time. You occasionally used some of the equipment since he convinced you to... Much to your complaints, but it's something you have slowly gotten used to.

One of these mechanisms was a bar that was placed at the top of the door frame that lef to the kitchen, it should be perfectly safe if it wasn't for the fact that well it wasn't screwed onto the door... It just was placed there, it had never given you much of a problem until today.

You just got back to your dorm with an exhausted sigh, you kept on pondering about the conversation you just you had with Sachi and Penguin... A confused glint in your eyes as you processed their words about you and Law... You had never seen his behavior as unusual so for them to say it's rare out of the blue sure caught you off guard. You dropped your keys on the key bowl (as you liked to call it) with a loud exhale, the sound of the keys clanking being a clear signal that you could finally relax... Or well...

"I need to study..." You muttered to yourself with a soft grunt, you never got to really catch a break... And honestly it was nerve-wracking...

You walked towards the kitchen to get something to snack on while you studied hoping the small treat would keep your sleepless ass awake in some way shape or form, you were in a pretty grumpy mood so you didn't pay much mind at your surroundings as you leaned a hand on the door frame.

Out of nowhere you heard a loud thud and felt your mind go numb for a moment... You froze, not out of shock but rather because you couldn't move, your body didn't seem to respond at all... You looked at the ground and saw what had produced the loud thud, it was the weird bar thing on top of the kitchen door. As soon as you gained consciousness you started to feel a sharp pain at the top of your head, your vision began to get blurry with tears as the pain was changed from a sharp sting to a numbing rumble that made you dizzy, you didn't want to move at all... Finally everything clicked in your brain: The bar had fallen on your head.

You didn't yelp, you didn't move... You just... stood there trying your fucking hardest to keep yourself a foot, luckily you weren't alone at the time... A loud pair of footsteps came running over to you, Law had heard the loud thud and made its way to you in an instant, you raised your eyesight to meet his... Your eyes blurring with tears as the pain turned into a sharp migraine.

"Ouch..." Those were the only words you could utter as you tried your best to chuckle so that the scene didn't look all that bad, unfortunately for you Law had never been one to fall for your strong acts... If anything he grunted as he gently approached you and with a steady hand touched your head gently, the sudden contact made you jolt away, or well as best as you could in your state, as his skin felt weird against yours... That was never a good sign. He silently looked at you with a stern expression as he analyzed the scene.

"Did the bar fall on you?" His words came out in a concerned yet gentle tone. You nodded, words didn't come out of your mouth and if they did they were a muttering mess, he frowned.

"Do you feel like puking?" You shook your head

"I just..." You paused for a bit, the mere fact of taking seeming like a struggle "Migraine..." You spoke as best as you could, he gently took your arm and guided you to the table for you to sit down "Just stay here... I'll go get something"

He headed off and before you realized he was gone he brought a pill with him together with some water and an ice pack, he offered you the pill and you silently took it... The act of kindness made your tears start to roll down your cheeks in rivers and rivers of salty water, why were you being so sensitive? Was it because of the strike? You had no clue, you just placed the pill in your mouth and washed it down with the water, you suddenly felt a ting of coldness at the top of your head finding yourself with Law who stood really close to you as he placed the ice pack on the spot the bar had fallen on you "This should calm down the pain..." He spoke gently as he looked at you with a furrowed expression, your eyes never left him as a comfortable silence surrounded the two of you... The pain was still there but it was no longer unbearable, the one thing that was a bit annoying to you was how much you were crying... Your mind was racing, going between being completely blank and drowned in pain to being fully covered in weird thoughts about you wanting for Law to stop caring for you that much... Why would he do such a thing? Oh right he's a medicine student... This is normal work for him right? Right...? Then why did it hurt...? You hated feeling vulnerable... You got back to blank thoughts as you played with the glass of water and took a few sips. A caring hand took you out of your trance as it wiped a few of your tears away, gently squeezing your cheeks as it did so... You turned to face the one responsible for such gentle care, finding yourself with those grey eyes that confused you so much... They somehow looked so much... Warmer than usual, almost as if you were a delicate piece of pottery that he really appreciated and wanted to fix as best as he could without breaking it further, you couldn't help but cry more.

"Why...?" You muttered catching his attention

"Huh...?"

Your lips started trembling, the words not coming out of your mouth as you kept crying.

"Why... Are you so nice to me...?" Your words came out in shaky breaths, your lips trembling as you started crying even more than before... A sense of fear surrounding you as you waited for his answer in between whimpers and hiccups, his eyes widened at your question, you were never one to go ask this kind of stuff and it was rare seeing you in this state. He sighed deeply as he kept his hand on your head with an ice pack.

"You remember when you asked me how I was single...?" He looked away as he spoke, you were surprised... You thought he would have forgotten about that moment but it seems it made quite the impact on him, much to your luck, You just nodded... He took a deep breath before continuing. "Well... It's mainly because I never found a reason for me to be nice to others... Some people could be nerve-wracking in my opinion so I just never thought much of actually dating someone..."

You listened to him attentively as you saw the faintest hint of a smile on his lips, almost as if remembering this amused him, he paused for a moment... His eyes gently closed shut as he thought about his next words and actions, he slowly fluttered them open and looked at you in the eyes but there was something... Different in his gaze... You noticed a small hint of warmth behind those cold grey eyes, it was odd, you assumed your brain was starting to hallucinate thanks to the hard hit from the bar but you had a gut feeling it wasn't the case...

He parted his lips to speak once more, his breathing soft as he looked at you "But then you came... And... Although you were pretty irritating at first I got to enjoy your presence..." He chuckled ever so slightly "I even got worried about you whenever you... Got hurt..."

Your eyes started watering even more... He wasn't usually the one to talk so for him to be so open about it all was... New... It was almost as if he had rehearsed this a thousand times before he talked to you but didn't feel ready until he saw you so vulnerable and felt obliged to do so... To finally open up, to finally show himself bare to you. He took another deep yet shaky breath, he seemed to get even more nervous the more he spoke... Like there was a truth behind his words that he wasn't quite ready to admit, a level of fear that covered his heart as he laid it bare with doubt.

"I just... Didn't want to lose you..." He spoke gently, a soft tear drop rolling down his cheek as he looked away into the distance... Your eyes widened in shock.

"You have... Lost someone already haven't you...?"

Silence...

He looked at the ground and you regretted your words immediately.

"I'm sorry..."

"I did..." He looked back at you "That's why I acted like a coward in front of you... Always caring but never..."

He stopped in his tracks, his words getting stuck in his throat, you felt a sharp sting in your heart as you looked at him... Something in your gut told you he felt the same way as he saw you get hurt and cry... Your shaky lips parted slightly.

"Is that... Why you're so kind to me...?" You looked up at him "Because you're scared...?"

He chuckled gently "Not just because of that..." He admitted with a soft yet sad smile "You have a knack of getting into people's hearts... And unfortunately I was no exception..."

He gently turned to face you with a warm smile, you must be hallucinating already... There was no way he was smiling to you that way... Was there...?

"I fell for you, Y/N..." His words struck your heart strings, if you could move you would have jolted up but you were still kinda numb thanks to your headache... All you could do was stare in disbelief. There were no formalities in his words, his usual '-ya' was not added at the end of your name... Making it all the more... Close... You felt your heart beat rapidly.

Slowly but steadily your lips started shaking even more as you felt like crying your whole heart out, trying your best to hold it in you bit your lower lip as you let out a few hiccups and whimpers... But alas you weren't that strong... You bawled your eyes out as Law stared at you warmly... He froze for a moment not really knowing how to proceed, with a hesitant hand he pulled you closer to him letting you rest your head on his shoulder as you cried everything you had inside...

"It's okay... I'll stay with you..." He spoke gently as he stroked your back lovingly, now his touch didn't feel so foreign in your skin...

He loved you... He really did...

And you loved him...

Hell...

You loved each other...

You kept crying on his shoulder for what felt like an eternity, snot and tears ruining his hoodie as you kept trying your best to compose yourself... You wanted to talk... You wanted to yell out to him that you loved him too, you really did... But your headache didn't allow you to do so... You only had the strength to cry, not that Law minded at all... He loved being your pillar of support.

You sniffled as your crying came to a stop (at least for a bit) slowly incorporating yourself, the gentle taps of Law's hands on your back giving you a level of reassurance that made you be able to ground yourself...

"I..." You started out gently "I have fallen for you too, Law... Heck I think I did for longer..." You started chuckling nervously as your hand tried to clumsily dry up your cheeks, to no avail "But I... I was a coward... Fuck... Still am!"

You admitted with a sort of bright smile, Law looked at you with wide eyes before chuckling gently... You almost started blabbering your thoughts, unlike him you didn't take much time to think what you were going to say... You just spoke your heart out, and right now it turned out even messier than usual thanks to your dizzy brain... He rolled his eyes with an amused smile, not that you could notice in between your rambles, and then leaned closer to you...

Silence once more surrounded the two of you as he made you freeze... Not with a glare... Not with words... But with the gentle graze of his lips on yours.

You felt like crying again...

You didn't move... You just drowned in the feeling of his warmth against you... His lips stroking yours in a gentle and loving kiss that none of you realized how much you needed it until it happened... All your emotions, your truth, your hearts... Laid there, bare, a show of love and acceptance for only the two of you to witness...

You gently closed your eyes as the kiss dragged out for longer. He slowly pulled away and smiled at you with a hint of red in his cheeks.

"Did I answer your question now?" He asked with a playful tone, you froze for a moment only to laugh, he sure liked being sarcastic even in moments like these huh? You hugged him by the neck, a soft smile grazing your lips...

"You sure did..."

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey ; Chapter 8 -

♡ Chapter Inspo: Lyrics - (TS) Slut! (1989TV!) ;  “You’re not sayin’ you’re in love with me, but you’re going to, half awake taking your chance it’s a big mistake, it might blow up in your pretty face I’m not saying do it anyway, but you’re going to”  ♡♡》》𝟙𝟠+ 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℂ! ℕ𝕆 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕆ℝ𝕊 𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔻《《♡♡ ♡ Summary: Carm + Winnie have an evening in together. They get wine drunk and have slightly spiritual talk over pizza. Winnie talks Carm through a nightmare. Carm gets some much needed rest, Some angsty sex ensues. ♡ W/C: 8,902 ♡ Posted Date: 02/20/24 ♡ A/N: (Kinda TL Don't have to read) Hayy besties!! I’ve been lookin' over the fic & judging what y'all like by the chapter likes- ok smut and Soft Dom Carm!! I’m leaning towards Soft Dom Carmy being the main trope for this fic & based on the likes y’all love it too!! He needs to build into it though for sure, Like- i'm not great at writing things close to canon- but what is canon is a pivotal part of what makes up Carmen - which is being severely emotionally underdeveloped in regards to relationships - also sexually. BUT don’t get me wrong- that man is a DOM he just needs a partner who will find that and pull it out of him. Like- y’all I am ALL for the fully anger management therapy version of Carmy tthat'swritten in to one shots here like I THIRST for it- I just want to try and flesh out the journey in between because I find it interesting. But it WILL happen in this fic- as you can tell this fic is a slow burn, its gonna be long, and I know its gonna end with Carmen being fully sexually comfortable (at least with Winnie) so expect some dirty dirty filth, carm is just growin rn okay!! I also find it fun to write kinda virgin! Carmy- I believe its canon he’s never had a gf- but I believe he’d had to have blown off steam some way in NY and hooking up on tinder since it was that time would be popular. Anyhow, enjoy this chapter!  ♡ Warnings for BTC: Minimally edited, talks of spiritualism, vomiting, talks of PTSD/Panic Attacks, Sad!Carm, Fluff, (Kinda asshole) But mostly insecure!Carm, Smut! (Talks of it- oral (m) , kissing, etc just slutty shit) 

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

The pizza had gotten there pretty quickly but considering the time of night, that was to be expected. Carmen had been sure to order Pepperoni with extra cheese per my request, and by the time the delivery driver had knocked on the door, we had already finished off my entire bottle of wine and I was in the kitchen opening another. He returns to where we had set up in the living room, putting the steaming pizza box on the coffee table. “No way- you need to finish that story, you can't just answer ‘why do you believe in angels’ with ‘I met a guy when I worked at Dunkin’ Donuts and we had breakfast every day until he died’ and that’s just… the end of the story,” he said and I laughed, coming back with 2 very full glasses of Rose and setting them down. 

“That is the whole story, you mean you want the long detailed version?” I set down the 2 paper plates and paper towel roll I was holding under my arm. “Yes.. Please- how was this man an angel?” he snorted, his face flush from the alcohol as I could easily assume mine was. “Okay… his name was Harold, he came in every day, and one day, well” I took a bite of my pizza. “Like I said - my parents, they were never married. My Mom was a twin, but her sister died when they were babies- anyhow” I took another bite, realizing he was listening intently.

“Um.. yeah..” I swallow “So, my dad like- wanted nothing to do with us really, I mean- we met him a few times but… we were just like I dunno, puppies or something? Like, my dad didn’t want us, but my mom was all religious- anyway… wait- what was I saying?” I asked and he started laughing, “Fuckin, Dunkin Donuts man, Harold?” He said and I nodded, catching my breath from laughing at my own drunk rambles. “Yess! Okay, so that's why- we had no money! And with Chris and all his appointments and everything, my mom had even less money, so when I was 14 I got a job to be able to buy stuff, so anyway, I was working a shift.” I took another bite of my pizza before a large sip of my wine.

“And the angel… flew in to buy his coffee?” he teased and I nudged him with my foot. “Shut up! He’s actually the coolest person ever just listen!” I said and he nodded, going in for his second slice of pizza. “I was working a shift, and this man comes in… he looked really sick and he was like ‘ oh can I get something to eat I don’t have any money’ or whatever so I didn’t have any money to spare obviously and so I got my manager thinking this is a huge fuckin’ company - yanno being an idiot teen - and my manager was like ‘oh sorry dude can’t help you’ and so…” I took another sip of my wine before continuing.

“I took my 4.25 that I was gonna use for lunch, I figured whatever, cause this dude needs it- he looked really sick, and that he needed to eat. and I remembered, my mom always said you do things when you can cause when the lord sends his angels to test you they aren't in a suit” I shrug and his eyebrows raised. “You gave him your lunch money?” he said and I shrugged “Mmhmm, anyway- not the point this is the point, Carm, so he leaves, right? Harold comes in, he gets his regular black coffee. Goes and sits down at one of the tables by himself, he drinks it all like he usually does, just watching- waiting almost, and before he goes to leave, he comes up to the counter, and guess what he does?” I asked and he shrugs, waiting for me to continue.

“He hands me, four fucking dollars, and twenty-five cents” I exaggerate each number and his eyes widen, “what the fuck” he muttered. “And I’m like ‘ Harold, why are you given’ me this?’ And he’s like ‘Oh I don’t know honey, I just figured you can use a pick me up today’ “ I took another bite of my pizza and he stopped chewing. “That… is fucking nuts,” he said and chuckled a bit and shook his head.

“And then, every day, we’d sit on my first break and he’d tell me stories about his life, the wars he’d been in, his daughters, his wife before she died, and when he stopped comin’ his daughter came in - she told me that he told her to tell me that he wasn’t doing well and that’s why he hadn’t been by- so I went and visited him in the hospital, got to say goodbye, he was so awesome, and he would do that sort of thing all the time- whenever someone needed something Harold was just… there ya know? It’s like God..or something sent him in at a different time every morning to help someone out even in the smallest ways, He was an angel” I said and Carm nodded, putting his plate down and finishing off his own wine. 

“Well, now that you didn’t make it sufferingly short, I see why you think that. I’d probably believe in angels too if somethin’ like that happened” He said and I dusted my hands over my empty plate before setting it down on the table. “So you’ve never had an experience like that?” He shrugged looking up while he thinks before shaking his head. 

“Nope. Maybe you’re just magical” he pokes my nose causing me to giggle. “I think you” I poke his nose back “are drunk, and we both need to go to bed. Cmon those blankets I put in the dryer went off a few minutes ago. Let's brush our teeth before they get cold” I got up and grabbed our glasses and he took the trash “At least let me help you a little” he said and I smiled. “Such the gentleman.” I teased and he followed me into the kitchen. 

I pointed to show him where the ziplocks were and put the cups in the dishwasher, taking the  box to the entryway and leaving it to bring to the recycling in the morning. “Oh uhhh…I sleep…with the um-“ I started “rain sounds?” He chuckled a bit, stretching his back. “Mmhmm…” I nodded. “So uh…is that ok?” I asked and he nods “no problem for me”

I turn around and head in the bathroom turning on the light “I assume you didn’t bring a toothbrush, or are we that close already?” I teased and he snorts. “No…I did not. Got an extra?” He asks and I open my bathroom closet “you’re in luck, Sadie’s soon to be sister in law is a dental hygienist” I pull out 2 from my thick stack Sadie had put on me when she came over since she had so many laying around her house. 

“Are you a green or blue boy?” I asked and he pouted playfully “no Spider-Man?” He jokes and I giggle. “Blue it is” I put the green one back and popped open the blue one, handing it to him and turning on the sink, wetting my pink electric toothbrush. I put on my anti-cavity toothpaste and handed it over to him, he did the same putting some on his brush. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll time you” I said and he raised his eyebrow “what?” He asked and I turned on my toothbrush, giving him a smug smile before popping the brush in my mouth. Every 30 seconds I mumbled ‘next quadrant!’ With a small smile until the 2 minutes was up, spitting my toothpaste out and brushing my tongue as he did the same before rinsing my mouth and shutting off the water. 

By the time we got in bed and shut the light off, Persephone had well found her spot between my legs, purring softly as she groomed herself for the night and I opened my phone, going to tik tok. Carm spoons me from behind, nuzzling his face in my shoulder with his arm wrapped around my waist. “What’re we watchin’ babe?” He mumbled and I smile. 

“My nightly dose of giggles” I said and scrolled down my for you page, stopping on a video from ‘Secret Brittany’ and my eyes locking on the screen. 

Okay guys, lock in alright? This is the plan - the military planning for the next 2-4 months of my life 

Carm lets out a snort in to my neck, his hand traveling up and down my ribs as he watches with me. 

I’m not going to move to Ireland- yet. I’m going to purchase bumble premium in Ireland, and I’m going to march with Irish men who want me - caveat, they want me, then, I’m going to move, and live my faerie dream 

I giggled, “me” I said quietly to myself and he pinches my waist gently causing me to giggle more “you?! You’re not goin’ anywhere I dunno’ what you’re talkin’ about” he held me tighter, nuzzling his nose deeper in to the crook of my neck. “Is someone whiny and jealous? I’m sure with my red hair and thick hips I’d have guys lining up for me” I teased and laced my fingers with his. 

He let out a bratty huff “I know that’s why you aren’t allowed to go” he muttered into my skin, causing me to smirk as I scrolled on to the next nonsense video. I gasped as I realized I had forgotten about getting to the next part of my absurd series about some woman divorcing her lying husband and looked up her account and Carm leans in a little closer. 

“Wait…” he muttered softly as I scroll through, trying to find the last video I left on. “Who the fuck did I marry…52 parts Winnie?!” He snorts and I giggle “Carmen- shut up, shhh your brain. Get engrossed.” I said and went all the way back to the first part and I glance down at him. 

“You know I’ve watched 23 parts but I’ll rewatch- cause you have to see this, and know-“ I lean in so our foreheads were touching and giggle a bit. “I’m scared” he said playfully causing me to laugh more. “Know Carmen -whatever your middle name is- Berzatto, I will always sniff out a lie- I will do my diligence- hear me?” I huff a laugh and he kisses my lips tenderly. 

“I would never dream of lying to you” he said honestly before continuing. “I may not tell you everything at once, but I’ll never misguide you, yeah?” He said softly and gently cups the back of my head with his warm hand. I nodded softly against him. “Yeah…” I whisper and kiss his forehead. “My middle names Anthony” he said with a small smile. “Mines - basic. Ok, Now listen to this bullshit” I giggle a bit and turn back around, hitting play. 

It was about 3 parts (30 minutes) of Carmen softly gasping, playing with the hem of my shirt in anticipation, and humming in confusion before I heard the first snore come from his lips. I hit pause on the video, putting on my rain asmr sounds on Spotify and gently plugged my phone in, setting my alarms before drifting off into a peaceful, relaxed sleep. 

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I woke up to the sounds of violent retching in my bathroom, I rubbed my eyes, confused for a moment before remembering that Carmen had slept over. I padded out to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing my brita jug, before opening my cabinet and grabbing one of the many different glasses that fit a bamboo lid and glass straw, this certain one adorned with cherries. I gently pushed the cup under the ice dispenser, letting a few cubes drop in before filling the cup with chilled water. 

I pushed the lid and straw on, popping the Brita back in the fridge before padding back to the bathroom, where I heard dry heaving from outside the slightly cracked door. “Carmy?” I mutter softly, pushing the door further open to see him crouched over the toilet, elbows supporting him as he gagged over the bowl. 

“S-sorry.” He muttered, coughing a bit before sitting up and trying to catch his breath. “No- no. Carmen, don’t apologize” I knelt down next to him, gently rubbing his back. “I’m not feeling sick.. so was it a nightmare?” I asked softly, extending the water to him. He sat back on the floor, extending his legs in front of him and sighing deeply. 

“I really didn’t mean t’wake you, Winnie. It’s fine…really they happen like every night” he mumbled, taking the glass from my hands. “I have them too! It’s ok, it's ok. S’just a bad dream” I said softly and gently brushed his curls off his forehead that were damp with sweat. He takes a big few gulps of water from the straw, sighing relieved before leaning back and resting on the cold tub. 

“Did you…did you wanna talk about it?” I sat next to him, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my cheek on my knee, glancing at him through the moonlight coming through the window. It was hard to see him without my glasses or contacts, but his striking blue eyes were still impossible to miss. “It’s…” he looked at his hands, holding the glass. “Stupid” he said finally. “So..so stupid. I used to..” he sighs, his head dropping back and eyes squeezing back in thought. 

“Throw up?” He said like a question, shaking his head quickly. “Like” he looked at me “before I’d…see my boss” in the dim light I could still see his cheeks reddening. I bit my lip gently, leaning over and hugging him silently, my head resting on his chest. “I’m sorry” I said softly and he sighed, setting his water glass down and curling his arm around my frame, rubbing gently. “No.. no that’s not- don’t feel bad” he said softly, his thumb rubbing soothing strokes in to the middle of my back. 

I gently shook my head against his chest. “Carmen…” I said softly. “This… this monster…” I said softly and looked up at him, cupping his cheek honestly. “He makes you sick Carmen…what…what he did to you- whatever he did…he creates a panic response in you, baby.” I rub my thumb along the stubble of his jaw that was already peaking out before first light. 

He swallows thickly, drinking in every word I was saying. “He…he…” I look at the floor, trying to find my words. “He instilled that voice in you” I said, my lip quivering slightly and he put his thumb to my lips gently to stop the motion. “What? What voice, honey?” He asked softly. 

I giggled into his finger, still slightly wine-drunk. “Your inner-saboteur. Just like Ru-Paul says” I gently nibble his finger, causing him to really laugh. “My inner-saboteur” he repeated with a smile. “Yes” I said gently and kissed his forehead. “Let him go, Carm, fuck that guy! Fuck your inner-saboteur. I’m still a tad bit drunk, but c’mon- brush your nasty throw-up teeth” I said teasingly and giggle, resting my forehead on his and gazing into his icy blue eyes. 

“And come back to bed, I’ll introduce you to Drag Race tomorrow”  I said softly, pecking his lips tenderly. “Okay?” I gaze into his eyes, looking for agreement. “Okay…” he said softly, a smirk adorning his lips. 

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I wake up to the feeling of Persephone jetting off my right thigh like an Olympic-launching pad at the sound of my alarm going off, soothing chirping birds filling the bedroom from my hatch alarm clock Sadie’s Parents had gotten me as a housewarming gift. I groan softly at the reverberating pain in my thigh muscle from her sudden attack, reaching down and soothing the ache with a slow rub from my hand. 

Carmen was draped around me, his arm tucked protectively around my waist and his prominent nose nuzzled in my neck, the feeling of short, hot breaths hitting my shoulder at an even pace. I gently leaned over, tapping the top of the clock that was slowly getting brighter, so it stopped its cry of awakening, 

I rubbed my face tiredly before I gently pried Carmys sleeping fingers off of my waist, slowly getting up off of the mattress, so as to not wake him. My t-shirt brushed just below my lower cheeks, goosebumps crawling up my legs from the chilly apartment air. I nuzzled my feet into my pink bear-claw slippers, and quietly shuffled out to the kitchen, silently pulling the bedroom door shut behind me.

 I sighed tiredly, stretching my back and arms just at the end of the hall, moaning softly at the blood rushing to my muscles at the action. “Mmhmm” I mumbled at Sephy hungry cries, scratching my scalp in a sleepy haze. 

“Comin’ babygirl” I muttered softly, shuffling out to the kitchen and opening the cabinet, I pulled out a tin full of wet food and cracked it open with my forefinger, taking out a spoon from the drawer. She meowed impatiently, causing my tired eyes to roll up involuntarily.

“Persephone” I muttered, tired but stern. “Jesus Christ should I call ASPCA?” I joked, taking a spoon out of the draw and nudging it closed with my hip quickly before spooning half the can in the bowl and chopping it up half-hazardly, before setting it on the floor with a clink. She dove in, eating like she’d been starved. 

I put a pod in my Nespresso machine, and rested my chin in my hand as my latte brewed, scrolling through my ‘For You’ page, sending a few videos to Sadie that made me stifle a laugh so as to not wake Carm. I opened my fridge, pouring some half and half in to my cup that I’d already filled with ice before pouring my espresso over the top and mixing it up before sealing the lid. 

I shuffled over to the couch, sitting down and continuing to scroll through videos as I sipped my latte. By the time I’d finished it, Persephone was sitting on the cat tree grooming herself in the morning light and the clock read 8:32. I got up, going over to my record player and shuffled through my selection of records, settling on Ctrl by SZA that Syd had gotten me. I bit my lip gently, thinking of her. 

I really hope she wasn’t mad at me…for too long. Thinking back on the conversations she had with us about her ‘boss’ who I now knew was Carm, he could be a serious asshole and he…emotionally led her on in a way? And they never explicitly mentioned their feelings but it sounds like there definitely was feelings..My thoughts are broken by the static of the record as it switches to the next song and Love Galore starts playing. 

I did my usual routine of walking around, pulling open my blinds to let the light in before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast. I washed Sephys bowl and set it on the small drying rack before setting a pan on the stove to heat. I opened the fridge, resting my hands on my hips, and realizing I have no idea what Carmen eats- if he eats breakfast. It’s a Saturday though…I settle on the safe options of eggs and toast. 

I popped 4 pieces of bread into the toaster, humming along to Doves in The Wind while I cracked 4 eggs into a glass measuring cup and whisking them with a fork. I added a little bit of garlic salt and pepper, mixing it again before dropping some butter in the pan and letting it melt. I got out 2 of my pink heart shaped plates and set them down in preparation, before pouring the eggs in the pan. It was quick to scramble so I put the toaster down, and I was shuffling over to the table just as the bedroom door opened. 

Carm genuinely looked refreshed. The bags under his eyes were mostly gone, and his eyes didn’t look red and exhausted. I look over at the clock, 9:22. “Good Morning, Chef. I hope scrambled eggs and butter toast is acceptable? With jelly of course” I went over, clicking off my record player that had stopped spinning a few minutes prior.  “You made breakfast?” He asked, looking over to the table. 

It took all of my strength to keep a casual face at his deep, husky morning voice. “Mmhmm!” I hum and come back to the table and he followed. “Coffee?” I ask and he nods “thank you- wow. I can’t remember the last time I.. actually ate in the morning. What time?-“ he looks over to the stove and his eyebrows raise. “Shit.” He snorts. “I guess your bed was comfortable” he sits. 

I smirk proudly “well I’m glad you’ve enjoyed your stay so far at Winnie’s bed and breakfast” I said and went to the kitchen, opening my cabinet and smiling wide at the perfect mug for him to use. I set it down on the counter, “cream?” I asked opening the fridge. “Yes, What are you cheesin’ about?” He teased and I giggle “somethin’ - just wait” I took out the cream and set it on the counter and popped in an americano pod. 

“Oh! Forks! Sorry. Forgot my meds this morning. Let me go do that” he chuckles as I quickly shuffled off. I go in to the bathroom and took my medications with a handful of sink water before coming back and seeing his coffee was done. “Perfect!” I took it out, putting cream in. “Sugar?” I asked and he shook his head “no” he said and I stirred the coffee, putting the spoon in the sink. 

I carefully come over, covering the art on the mug until I set it down in front of him with a giggle. “A Bear mug for Bear and it has a cute, true saying, ‘A hug a day keeps the lonelies away’ “ I giggled. “See that one’s me,” I point to the smaller one, “and that’s you,” I pointed to the bigger one “cause’ you give teddy-bear hugs” I smiled. He looks up at me, his blue eyes sparkling in the morning light, an adorable smirk on his face. 

“You…” he starts and shakes his head, pulling me into his lap and I giggle, wrapping my arms around his neck loosely to steady myself. He kisses all over my face, causing giggles to involuntarily fall from my lips and my eyes to squeeze shut at the quick short pecks that tickled like butterflies, my heart fluttering the same way in my chest. “Are so fucking cute” he hugs me close and I giggled, wrapping my arms around him. 

“Thank you” he kissed my neck sweetly before releasing me and I got up. “Wow, an ambush, I do take payment in kisses but warn me so I can count!” I joked, sitting down in my seat and he rolled his eyes playfully, a pink blush adorning his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “Forks!” I said and he laughed, shaking his head again. 

“Does that happen all the time?” He asked and I nod, heading over to the drawer and grabbing 2 forks. “Yup. It’s worse if I don’t have my meds” I put his fork in front of him. “Hope it’s ok” I said and sit down “no- this is…this is great Winnie, thank you really” he said taking a bite and nodding. “5 stars Chef” he said and I laughed before taking a bite of mine. 

“Mmhmm totally I’m coming for your spot! Better get worried these eggs’ll put you out of business” I joked and he snorted, taking a sip of his coffee. “Mm- I think Starbucks should be a little scared” he teased and I giggle a bit, nibbling on my toast. “That’s all Nespresso that thing is amazing” 

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When we finished breakfast, Carm takes our plates and his mug over to the sink and starts washing them, along with the pan I’d used. “Wow…he cooks and cleans? You sure you aren’t taken already?” I joked, wiping down the table with a Lysol wipe. He chuckled “nope, haven’t gotten any serious offers” he joked back with a smile. 

“Did you wanna see my little library craft room thing?” I asked, throwing the wipe away in the garbage. He puts the now clean dishes on the drying rack. “Course, what do you…craft?” He asked, following me to the second bedroom and I opened the door. “Oh..lots of things. I sew,crochet,read, make jewelry, I paint sometimes” I shrugged and he looked around at all the half finished projects. 

“This is cute” he hummed, picking up a half finished star and moon granny square blanket off the back of my pink desk chair. “Oh! That’s for Syd’s birthday!! She’s such an astrology girl, it's one of those things we can talk about forever.” I smiled and he nods a bit. “Why haven’t you ever come around more? The uh- the restaurant” He asked as he looked over the intricate stitches and I shrugged, picking up stray crochet needles scattered on my desk and putting them in the little drawer where they belonged. 

“Oh.. well Sadie and I - it’s kinda fancy for one thing, and umm..we don’t like people and it’s been busy for months “ I laugh a bit “fancy huh?” He teased, setting the blanket back down and walking over to the wall of pictures I had next to my overflowing bookshelf. “It has been pretty busy” he said as he gazed over the different memories of girls trips Sadie and I had taken as well as pictures of nights out with Syd. 

“Also as you can probably tell- Sadie and I do not belong in a cool fancy place like that” I giggled and he shook his head rolling his eyes playfully with a smile. “I don’t either but it’s what brings the business right?” He looked over the books. “Damn, you read a lot” he said and I giggled. “Mmhmm! Work at a bookstore” I said and he pulled one of my most well loved books out, “this one of your slutty books?” He teased and I roll my eyes. 

“Ha.ha. No- this is an amazing book, you’re saying you’ve never read this book?” I took it from his hands. “My brother gave it to me” I said and flipped to the second blank page where ‘From Chris To Twinnie’ was scribbled in his chicken scratch handwriting. His eyebrows raised. “Oh…no- no. Never heard of it.” He said and my jaw dropped. “Never heard of The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane” I scoff a big smile coming to my face. 

“Okay, so, now I see” I nod, holding the book to my chest with a teasing smirk on my face. “See what?” He asked “I see why you…I dunno” I shrug. “Don’t like to have fun “ I poke his chest and he scoffs. “I have fun I am totally fun!! Are you saying I’m boring?” He asks, slightly offended and I laugh. “No! I’m saying that… the whole point of this book is that life, our journey to self discovery is useless if you have no intention of loving or being loved.” He raised his eyebrows before starting to laugh. 

“A rabbit said that?” He questioned and I shook my head “no he learned it. C’mon let me do skincare on you and read it you’ll love it” I said and he blushed a bit. “Why do I have bad skin?” He joked with a teasing smile. “No you have nice skin but let me take care of it” I said and led him to the bathroom by his hand, getting out my face wash “wash your face with this” I said and turned the water on warm, and grabbed a clean face towel from the cabinet with embroidered strawberries on the hem. “dry your face with this” I instructed. 

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I gently put on the sparkly under eye patches under Carm’s eyes and he scrunched his nose adorably. “The fuckin’ hell why do you do this” he muttered “feels like a slug” he said causing me to giggle “oh my god such a boy. This will make your pretty blue eyes much more noticeable without all the darkness from never sleeping” I gently smoothed them out, booping his nose with the tip of my finger when I was done. 

“Mm whatever you say this is Winnie’s Salon after all” he says and I tut “no! This is Winnie’s beauty parlor. I'm not cutting your hair today” I said and his eyes fluttered open, looking up at me with a small smile. “They look pretty on you” he said, causing me to blush. “You’re a big flirt” I gently played with his hair and his eyes fluttered back shut, humming softly in satisfaction. “Did you want me to read to you?” I asked and his smile grew. 

“Please. It’s been a long time actually, I’m excited to hear about this rabbit” he said and I grab the book from next to us, opening to the first page and starting. 

“Chapter One” 

By the end of the first page, he was glancing up at me, watching me speak each word and smiling slightly when I did slightly different voices for each character. At the end of the first chapter, I close the book and he pouts a bit. “What? No keep going, that was getting cute…she loves that bunny” he said and I giggle. “Yes she does, if you want to hear the next chapter you have to come see me again. Plus, I’m getting hungry” 

I peeled his eye patches off, gently rubbing in the remnants with my ring fingers and he smiled softly. “Mm…you cook breakfast, pamper me, and read to me? I think this is my new hang-out spot for Saturdays” he jokes and I giggle a bit. “Good, so next Saturday you’ll get to see what happens in the next chapter.” I said and he sat up, sitting against the headboard next to me. 

“Sounds like a steal for me” he smiled adorably, his skin still glowing from the serum I’d applied. I looked at his lips, then back at his eyes before straddling his hips and kissing him deeply. He hesitantly moves his hands to my hips and rubs with his thumbs gently. I kiss down his jaw over his stubble to his neck, nipping gently and he groans softly “Winnie” he said, gripping my hip a bit tighter. I gently tug on his ear with my teeth. “I think it’s hot you’re such a talented chef and like when I cook for you” I said softly in his ear, gently tangling his curls in my fingers as I continue to kiss and nip his neck. 

I grind my hips on his and he moaned softly “Winnie.” He said softly, moving his hand to my back “I-i…” he swallowed thickly and I stopped, sitting up and looking at him. “What? Did I..did I do something wrong?” I asked. He shook his head, refusing to meet my eyes. “I-I don’t…we shouldn’t” he rubs over his chin, thinking. 

“Do you…regret last night?” I asked, getting off his lap and sitting crisscross beside him on the bed. He shook his head again “no- god no that was fuckin’ amazing Winnie I-“ he blushed, looking down at his lap. “I’ve uh never…” he cleared his throat, his eyes squeezing shut in embarrassment. “I- I’m surprised I lasted that long with you- a-and…I’ve never done that before..what we did in the shower and I’m still- I’m thinkin’ about it” he swallowed thickly, finally looking at me and I nodded slowly. 

“Okay…I think we should talk more about our sexual experiences” I said and bit my lip. His face goes pale, his mouth opening and closing a few times like he was trying to find the words. “Uh- I” he stuttered. “I’ll go first…what uh- what do you wanna know?” I asked casually and play with the hem of my shirt. “Uh- well..that’s- I don’t… I don’t know a lot” he said quietly, clearly embarrassed by the way his eyes darted away from mine again. 

“Okay so…how about this then. I’ve slept with 24 people, including you. But most of the bulk of those were back home, I’ve slept with you and one other person since I’ve been here, how many have you been with?” I asked and his eyes widen. “Twenty four?” He repeats, his mouth dropping slightly. I scoff “what so guys can sleep with 100 women by the time their 24 but I can’t sleep with 2 people a year over the course of nearly 10 years?!” I asked my tone laced with annoyance. 

He shook his head quickly “no-n-no Winnie no…I’ve….ive slept with less then 8 people…I’ve had sex like…maybe…” he took a deep breath, looking away and swallowing thickly “I don’t- I don’t like this game anymore or- or questions. Or whatever” he said his cheeks going red. I bite back a laugh at the irony of him being so insecure by holding my tongue between my teeth and I gently touch his bicep. “Look at me” I said softly and he shook his head inching away from my touch a bit. 

“Carmen. When I said no one has made me cum like that- I mean it. I was fully seeing stars bro I was shaking Carm.” I laughed and he looked over, eyebrows raising. “You really meant that?” He asked and I roll my eyes playfully. “I wasn’t even gonna fuck you a second ago I was gonna suck your dick because I’m sore. Literally yes you’re amazing Carmen you’re so fucking hot.” I said and he bit his lip, looking at his lap. 

“But I can’t…like- when…when we were in the shower” he muttered “that was-“ he swallowed thickly “I’ve never…I’ve never had sex in the shower before and-“ he sighs deeply. “I don’t want to get attached.” He looks at me finally, and I was silent for a moment, my brain filing through all the possible things he could mean. I settled on the safest response that would have the least possible chance of rejection. “Like- you don’t want tooo…” I questioned and he raised his eyebrows waiting for me to continue. 

“To get attatched to fucking me on your days off?” I question and he rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “Winnie” he muttered, slightly annoyed. “That’s not what I mean Y’know that” he said and I bit my lip. “Tell me what you mean then, Carmen” I said and he looked up at me. He stared at me for what felt like forever, studying me, my features, I tried my best to decipher what was going on behind his eyes but only a week of knowing each other I was rolling blanks. 

“I don’t want to get attached to this. Winnie, to you. I don’t want to do this, we can’t do this.” He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and the small change in body language felt like an ocean of distance was suddenly created between us emotionally. My mouth suddenly felt dry, and my throat was growing an enormous lump. “Why” I finally choke out and he looks back at me. “Because I told you, Winnie, I’m not boyfriend material. What this” he motions between the 2 of us “Is, can’t keep going like this. Fuckin’ cuddling and shit..” 

I felt like I wanted to burst out into tears, not more than 20 minutes ago he was dreamily looking up at me while I read to him and now he was telling me that he won’t allow himself to be around me, and relax. “Oh” I scoff, my eyes narrowing and crossing my arms over my own chest. 

“You are such a little baby,” I said and his eyebrows furrow, “what?” He asked. “A little fucking. Baby.” I repeat myself and he blinks a few times, “What the fuck do you mean?” He asked and I got up. “You are an angry baby, because you realize that I have more experience in the bedroom!” I laugh dryly. “Carmen. You knew what you were getting yourself into. You want this. Look at me, and tell me the last fucking time you relaxed on your day off? Hm?” I raise my eyebrows, shrugging and waiting for an answer. 

“You don’t fucking know me, Winnie” he scoffs. “I don’t- I don’t give a fuck that you have more experience than I do. Clearly, it wasn’t with anyone good! Per your fuckin statement 5 minutes ago.” I shook my head. “You’re right! You’re right Carmen. I was begging for your cock- and you wanna know something? You loved it. You were pussy drunk, Carmen, you- you are just so fucking obsessed with depriving yourself of joy, of pleasure that instead of allowing yourself to fuck me you’d rather be in your apartment all alone and cum in your hand? Fine. Have fun” I shrugged, motioning to the bedroom door. 

He sat there, jaw dropped. “You-“ he closed his eyes in shock, shaking his head as he digested what I just said to him. “You are so-“ he sighed, looking at me and his eyes flicker to my chest. I smirk, “fuck. Im gonna fucking hate myself this week. C’mere” he said and I knelt on the bed, straddling him once more and kissing him deeply. I pushed him back on the bed roughly. “Tell me you don’t want me” I said and peel off my shirt, exposing my breasts and already peaked nipples shining with their little black studs, already hardened due the adrenaline coursing through me. 

“Fuck off Winnie you know I fucking want you” he grabs my breast, playing with my nipple gently and I bit my lip. “I haven’t even showed you half of what I can do- and you’re gonna throw the towel so soon?” I rest my palms on his shoulders for leverage as I ground into his hips, the friction causing his eyes to flutter shut and his head to fall back onto the pillow in a low whimper. 

“N-no- no you’re right. You’re right Winnie fuck” he moaned, gently tugging at my jewelry causing me to gasp in pleasure. I kiss him hard, circling my hips into his at a torturously slow pace causing him to whimper and groan into my mouth which made a small smile come to my lips. I pulled away slightly, our lips barely an inch away. 

“Do you want me to suck your cock?” My eyes flutter to his, my hips completely still. His breath quivers “yes” he said barely above a whisper. “Tell me, say it, Carmy. What do you want?” I ask and kiss his neck tenderly. “I-I want you t-to” he swallows thickly when I nip at the tender spot below his ear. “I want you to suck my cock” he said, eyes fluttering shut and cheeks going red. I smirk, happy with the admission, but still unsatisfied with the way he was denying himself. 

“Okay baby, since you asked so nice, like such a good boy” I said, his lip tugging between his teeth and

I kissed down his chest, his abs tightening when I made my way over them, my tongue dragging slowly down the divot in the middle. He watches me with hooded eyes, hands gripping the sheets so tightly his knuckles were turning white, his chest raising up and down deeply at a quick rate as he watches me worship him. 

I straddle his calves, gently rubbing his fully hardened length through his sweatpants and he whines softly “please-please Winnie” he breathed impatiently. I smirked, my hands rubbing long teasing strokes up and down his thighs. “Do you really want me to suck your cock, Carmen?” I asked and he swallows thickly. “Winnie” he wined, looking away and his cheeks heating. 

I stopped touching him and my hands raised to my breasts, gently palming and squeezing them before playing with my hard nipples and my head dropping back as I moaned. “You don’t want me, baby?” I asked and his hand traveled to his pants and I stopped him, grabbing his wrist. “Do you want me Carmen?” I asked, taking his hand and putting his forefinger and ring finger in my mouth, my tongue swirling around them and hollowing my cheeks at the base of his hand. 

He bit his lip harshly as I did so. “So so fucking bad.” He said softly, I pulled off his fingers with a ‘pop’ and tugged him out of his boxers, leaning down and spitting the puddle of saliva I had collected in my mouth while sucking on his fingers and pump his length with the wetness, twisting and getting it all wet. “Holy fucking shit” he mumbled, a moan falling from his lips and his head falling back momentarily but he was quick to put his eyes back on me. 

“Does that feel good baby?” I ask sweetly, my thumb brushing over his tip. He nods “shit- yes s-so good baby” his abs clenched in pleasure as I slowly dragged my thumb over his slit teasingly. “Mmm the noises you make are so sexy baby I love it” my other hand dances around his stomach, my nails brushing the toned skin causing him to shiver slightly. 

“Oh you adorable thing” I said and leaned down, kissing his tip gently and his head drops back, a breathy moan falling from his lips, his knee jerking slightly under me. I stuck out my tongue, slowly licking his tip from the back of my throat all the way to the tip of my tongue, flicking it teasingly causing him to whimper beautifully. “You have such a nice cock baby” I praised, pumping him slowly, twisting my hand how I knew he liked based on the way his stomach would tense when I did it repeatedly. 

I look up at him, his cheeks, bright red, curls stuck to his forehead in sweat, “do you like it when I tug harder” I did so and he whines “or softer?” I went back to my original firmness and he breathed out, I could tell no one had really ever given him this kind of attention during a blow job before- so I was relishing in the fact that no matter if he did claim to hate himself this week, every time he came after a long day it would be at the thought of me. So I’m pulling out every stop, every theatric - I’m going to make this magical. 

I was already fucking him dumb and I had barely used my mouth yet. We had a lot of work to do, to mold him into the kind of partner I knew he yearned to be. And whether we continued to pretend to be ‘friends with benefits’ while he learned, or he decided he wanted more- I didn’t care. Because I knew this man wanted to dominate, and I was dedicated to getting it out of him. 

When I got no verbal response my hand stopped moving and I gently tap the head of his cock against my tongue getting his attention. “Words.” I said softly, smiling sweetly as I waited for a response. “Hard. H-hard. Please.” He said and I continued as he requested and he grunts “fuck yes…mmm twist baby like-“ he moans louder when I oblige. “Yes. Yes.” he breathed and I smirked, moving my hand faster. 

“Good boy, I love it when you tell me what feels good” I said and my hand that was on his stomach travels to his v-line, my forefinger soothingly stroking as I took his tip in my mouth, he lets out the hottest noise between a moan and a cry that I’d heard a man make, before I heard the sounds of the fabric beginning to give beneath his death grip. I pulled my lips off and stopped my hand from jacking him off, taking my hand off his stomach and pulling my hair out of the bun it was in. 

His eyes shot open as soon as I stopped, a small gasp tumbling from his lips as my tight curly bangs fell over my forehead, when they were blown out they were the 80s look I loved to achieve with my hair- but my bangs were extra curly naturally since they weren’t weighed down like the rest of my hair and I’d gotten it wet last night. I pushed it off my shoulders, taking his hand and putting it on my head. “Go as hard as you want. I’ll squeeze you twice if it’s too much.” I said and started again before he could reply. 

He whined hotly as I took him down inch by inch until he was lightly hitting the back of my throat, he was mostly just stroking the back of my head but when he felt me swallow around his tip it was like something in him flicked on. He grips the back of my hair “f-fuck- god do that again- fuck do it again Winnie” he said, pushing my head down gently. I closed my eyes, saying a silent and quick prayer to every god ever that I’d fully digested my breakfast, and that my gag reflex had gotten much better since trying to train it with my toothbrush before bed the past few years. 

I took a deep breath, before fully relaxing my throat and pushing his tip past my tastebuds and I gently stroke his thighs, more to soothe myself that I could do it, before pushing deeper. He cries out, moaning what sounded more like a pleasured growl, his fingers tugging my hair lightly. I knew I had to stop pushing before I either hurt myself or actually gag and embarrass myself. I swallowed around him slowly, my throat fluttering around him for a few moments. 

I feel his muscles all tense beneath me, his abs tightened, stomach clenched, fingers digging into my scalp, eyes screwed shut, veins protruding in his neck. He would be cumming in the next few seconds so - I stopped. I pull off, sitting up, a string of saliva pulling from his cock to my lips as I did so. My lips swollen, jaw sore, chin and neck slick with saliva. I smirked as he gasps, his orgasm flowing away like dandelion seeds in the breeze and he looked at me, his pupils blown with lust. 

“W-why. Why did you stop?” He asked, he almost sounded angry. I shrug, “do you deserve to cum, Carm? You you deserve to feel good?” My fingers dance around his stomach and v line causing goosebumps to appear on his skin and his cock twitches, aching to be touched. “Please Winnie, fucking- let me finish” he grumbled, looking at the ceiling. 

“Let you” I scoff. “Do you even think you deserve that. Carmen? Hm? Put enough hours in this week? Plan enough new catering orders?” I taunt, goading him into showing me any thread of dominance in him I could tug on. He looks at me, his eyes darkening “suck my fucking cock. Winnie.” he ordered and I smirk. “Ooo, making demands now, I only serve those who deserve it” I drag my forefinger from his balls to his tip, smiling at the reaction of his stomach clenching and cock jumping in a twitch. 

“I deserve it” he grumbled, not meeting my eyes. “Hm?” I hum, ghosting my hand around his cock but not gripping it. “I said I fucking deserve it” he looks into my eyes as he said it. I lean down taking him back in my mouth and he sighs in relief, I pump the bottom half of his length as I take him back into my throat. It was barely 2 minutes of him spilling profanity, muttering my name, whines and moans, and only swallowing around him 2 times before I felt him fully tense up again, and an enormous load shot down the back of my throat, so much that I had to swallow 2 times after pulling off of him to get it all down.  

“Holy shit” I laugh taking a deep breath and he was laid there, trying to catch his breath “sorry” he said between breaths, eyes blissfully shut and cheeks flushed as well as his chest from his release. “No its…it’s fine just. Holy shit. You just dumped a generation down my throat” I joked and he laughs lightly.  

I quickly fix his boxers and laid next to him after pulling my shirt back on. “How the fuck did you do that?” He asked and I shrug a bit, pushing my hair behind my shoulders. “Dunno. Just tried it. Glad you like it though. How’d it feel?” I asked and he blushed, averting my gaze shyly. “Uh…” he furrows his eyebrows thinking. “Kinda like…your pussy but … like way tighter, and harder if that makes sense.” He looked back at me and I giggle. 

“Hm…ok. It was kinda cool, also really hot, also pretty freaky- when I went to wipe my chin, my hand touched my throat and I felt your dick like…” I giggle, covering my mouth at his shocked expression. “Holy fuck that’s hot” he said and I nod. “Felt weird. I’ll have you feel it next time” I said and yawned a bit, sitting up. 

“I’m gonna brush my teeth then you wanna nap?” I asked and he nodded “I’m not sure why- we’ve done basically nothing but I’m exhausted.” He said and rubs his face. I shrugged, “just your body catching up while it can on rest. I’ll be back.” I said and padded off to the bathroom. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

[wachtelspinat]

Hey ! I’ve been seeing your art going around since your midnight crew stuff and I just recently stubble across your tumblr, thank to your beautiful overwatch art for our beloveds junkers ! I’ve been scrolling through your account and read about your experience of being a former graphic designer who is a doctor now. And damn. I can’t emphasize how much I admire you, especially as someone who is struggling really hard to choose between 2 careers paths ( with one of them being art related ). This is why I was wondering if you would be open to talk about how and why you switched from art to medecine ? Especially because most of the time I feel it happens more the other way around ? ( If it’s too personal just ignore this ask + sorry if you already talked about it before )

hey ! no worries, i don't expect ppl to scroll through my tumblr to find an answer for a question they might have. first of all thanks for your nice words, means a lot <3

i switched from art to medicine because my early 20-something-self was even more anxiety-ridden than my present-self, and being in art school and having to "perform" regularly was a nightmare. i'm talking about a time in which i was so scared of being perceived that i often skipped grocery shopping, just so i could avoid being around people. so like, pitching art related projects to peers and profs was eeh... especially because art is so personal oh my god. i still hate it when someone tries to sneak a peek while i'm drawing, makes me wanna throw my sketchbook and myself off the bridge. anyways so i always felt a 110% inadequate (plus i got a gf during that time who was so good to me and tried to get me out of my funk on multiple occasions (she was and still is an artist and has now a career as a freelancer and i'm rly proud of her) but i couldn't see that because i just compared the two of us all the time and sabotaged any attempt she made for having fun with drawing with her) that i sat down at some point and asked myself if i could do this any longer, and i came to the conclusion that no, it really kills me rn.

what made me go into the health sector? i don't even know anymore, i think it was a mixture of "i loved biology, esp. the human body in school" and "my mum is an icu nurse and talks a lot about hospitals, maybe i should check it out"... it was not a well thought through decision, which is so funny because studying medicine was a hell of a meatgrinder ride (also my anxiety and self hatred? still there, but now i wasn't judged anymore because of my art but instead being called a dumb idiot collectively with all the other students because nobody likes med students) and for some reason i was able to get through that despite it not being my passion at all, but i couldn't stand up for myself in art school. i don't even know if i could work through it nowadays, but the good thing is i don't have to ask myself this question anymore, because being a doctor pays the bills, and ever since i left art school i was able to just draw without consequence. which is nice to a degree, my artistic output is not tied to the means of generating money. on the other hand... idk, in another life with more confidence and less worries, i'd love to be some sort of character designer T_T

so yeah that's basically it. at some times i cherished my career decisions, at other times i regretted them deeply, worst thing is i know it has a lot to do with personality, but the fact that we can't change who we are with a blink of an eye gives me the framework to think that the path i took was ok. as in. things happened for a reason and maybe i'm just not cut out for that kind of work. you have to be aware of the conditions of a job to decide if you are up for it. because being an artist doesn't end with "just draw". i myself had an unrealistic view of the job back then too. and the fact that i could not seperate between personal aspects and "doing a job here" was crucial.

yeah, idk if this is helpful at all. i think the one thing that is super important here is to have a realistic view on the conditions of work you are about to head into, and i know this is mostly very difficult to aquire. because unless you really work in a sector there is often no way to fully grasp the situations you can find yourself in (this applied for me also in the health sector, which made me fall into a depression a year ago, but what do you do after you spent 6 years of studying :') ). doing internships and just trying to get to know a lot of things really helps. and - idk how old you are, but if you're really young: it's ok to switch careers at some point. it's even ok to do so when you are older (trying to end on a positive note here because it feels like i just said a lot of depressing things... like don't get me wrong i like my job, the conditions are just fucked up, and again my personality prevents me from switching again but it's also not that easy in germany, BUT it's a valid thing to do, being versatile is good! just... make sure you don't end up with a job that you absolutely hate because that kills it all)

[castielslostwings]

Please help me tell people about my book!

Hi! I'm publishing a book! It's HERE, just in time for Christmas!! It's GAY!! It's romantic!!! It's HOT! It has firefighters and background sapphic romance, and is exciting AF!!!

I'm very excited, too!

Both U.S. domestic and international friends can order shipped Paperbacks from me directly via my Ko-Fi shop (retailers take less of a cut): https://ko-fi.com/castielslostwings/shop Or you can order on amazon directly, this is the only way to get the KINDLE ebook option: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1945687126

Standard EPUB format is available to download directly from me for $1 cheaper than Amazon: https://ko-fi.com/s/2a82c64d56

And WILL be available at other retailers soon!

Here's the thing: I had a pretty solid platform on Twitter, but since Elon took over, a lot of my followers left, the algorithm crashed, and the whole thing might go under. I don't have the same reach on other platforms, so I need some help! Please share this post if you like GAY SHIT and BOOKS and helping indie content creators be successful!!! Please follow me or check out my ko-fi for updates! Thanks!!! Here's my pitch, hope you like it:

"Fire & Ice": The flaming hot queer romance novel where a foray into BDSM helps two best friends find themselves, each other, and what it really means to burn. Summary: "Firefighter Tripp Truett has somehow tumbled into a whole new kind of relationship with his quirky paramedic best friend, Lee, but mutual relief from their high-stress jobs quickly develops into something more. With all the missed signals and crossed wires, can these two ever figure out that they're so much closer to being on the same page than they think?"

**************************************** About the author (info dump ahoy!!!!) :

I'm Robin, sometimes known as Wings! I'm a 36-year-old, queer, autistic, disabled mom of 2 humans and 5 senior rescue dogs, former R.N. & paramedic. I'm a hardcore fangirl and a proud fanfic writer (and reader), and while I know some people will judge me for that, I am not ashamed! I started writing as a hobby after becoming physically disabled and unable to work as an RN. Fanfic gave me an audience and an outlet, gifted me purpose and hope again. Transformative fiction is FUN! It fosters creativity and passion, heals wounds, and makes people happy. If someone wants to discredit me for that, then perhaps they aren't the audience I'm seeking.

Ultimately, I know I'm taking a risk, but since people seem to enjoy my fics, this book is my attempt to try and make ends meet through original fiction! I know some people WILL discredit me. But I'm always about being myself and speaking on what I feel matters: Fanfic should be legitimized as a creative medium. I assure you, friends—the thousands of hours I've spent on my fanworks are as REAL as it gets. The intersection of disparaging fanfic + sexism/misogyny can't be overstated—women (esp queer women)'s unpaid work is often treated as a "hobby," not worthy of uplifting. I'm here to uplift! The risk is worth it—I would have nothing without fanfic & I'm proud. Younger creators shouldn't feel shame about writing/reading fanfic. We should ALL approach it as a legitimate medium. In fact, MOST new media these days is transformative "fanwork" of SOME kind, whether it's inspired by, based on, or outright rebooting existing worlds.

Plus, we queer folk simply deserve to see our stories in the mainstream media and to see the characters we fall in love, identify with, and root for to get their happily ever afters.

TL;DR: I'm keeping my name and history. Hopefully, I'll be successful in original fiction, but if not, I'll still be a fangirl. Please consider supporting me + other creators attempting to dip into original works. Follow or subscribe to my ko-fi for previews, updates, access to my discord community where I share exclusive content, and more: https://ko-fi.com/castielslostwings FIRE & ICE IS NOW AVAILABLE THROUGH MULTIPLE PLATFORMS! Ko-Fi subscribers will have the option to buy signed copies & merch bundles! The link to purchase will also be posted there first.

A MAJOR thank you to my friends, editors, and to everyone who in my server for supporting and encouraging me to put myself out there and try something new. Love you guys so much. <3 Thank you to @chaoticdean for the beautiful cover. Many more thank yous to come. P.S. If you are reading this and know anyone with a platform who might be interested in receiving a free copy in exchange for promo (only if they enjoy, ofc), please holler at me, I can use all the help I can get!

<3 Wings

[givemea-dam-break]

hi my love, can you do anthony lockwood x reader

possibly with prompt 17 or 24 from the angst list?!? ive been craving some lockwood angst recently and i love your fics so who else could i ask to fulfill my needs

a/n: yes yes yes i have been dying for angst it’s my favourite thing to write. i'm so glad you like my fics! feeling honoured rn. this is shorter than some of my other fics, but i hope you like it!

warnings: angst, language prompts: "You're not my friend anymore, remember?" and "You left, you left, and now you have the gall to come back like nothing happened." gn reader

Your day couldn't have gone worse.

Originally, your plans for your first day off in weeks had been to spend your time in the library nearby, listening to the rain on the tall windows as you read in your favourite seat before stopping off to grab a takeaway on your way home.

Of course, things can never go to plan in a world haunted by ghosts.

To preface, the Visitors aren't the problem, not today at least.

You've reached a particularly good chapter of your book when things start to go wrong. You're completely content just reading away, sipping on some tea in your travel mug, when a shadow looms over the pages, making it hard to read.

Looking up, slightly irritated, you say, "Hey, do you mind moving, please?"

Then you see the face, and the irritation melts into something more: fury.

Anthony Lockwood stands before you, soaked with rain and dripping all over the floor. His hair, usually neatly brushed, looks like a wet rat, and his cheeks are flushed from the November chill. From the way he smiles, they remind you a little bit of apples. You like apples considerably more than you like him.

"What do you want?" you ask.

Lockwood points at the free chair next to you. "Can I sit?"

"Absolutely not."

"Right." He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his greatcoat. "Can we talk?"

"Also, no," you say, returning your attention to the book. "Goodbye."

A sigh. "(name), please, it's important."

"Important enough to bug me on my only day off? No, I don't think so."

You hope for a moment that he'll turn and walk away, but this is Anthony bloody Lockwood, and when does he ever listen to you? He moves, sinking into the seat beside you, and crossing his legs. You make a point of ignoring him, continuing to read the last paragraph you were on.

"We need your help."

No response. You keep on reading.

"(name), please. It's a big case, and we could really use your Talent."

Again, you ignore him, silently mouthing the words as you read them. Your focus on him strays, and for a minute it's as if he's no longer there, but the scent of bitter tea and citrusy shampoo lingers, taunting you.

Swiftly, you shut your book and stand, grabbing your bag. The action seems to shock Lockwood, and his daze gives you enough time to slip the book back into its slot on the shelves and storm out of the library.

Alas, Lockwood has long legs and catches up momentarily.

"I don't want to talk to you," you grumble, pulling your hood over your hair as you step out into the rain.

"I know, and that's my fault, but, please, listen this once. We -"

"Need my help. Yeah, I got that." Squeezing through a crowd of kids heading into the library, you continue, "But, thing is, I'm not an agent anymore. And, even if I was, you're not my friend anymore, remember? You gave up that right months ago. I wouldn't help you even if my life depended on it."

That stops him short. You keep on walking, arms crossed tightly over your chest.

"You're not an agent anymore?" he asks, catching up once more.

You scoff. "Haven't been since that last case we went on, and I don't plan on becoming one again."

Judging from his expression, he hasn't taken the news lightly. He almost looks betrayed, and that makes you want to strangle him. He's got no right.

"Why not?"

"Because," you say, stopping at the side of the pavement, out of the way of other people, "you left. You left me there, Lockwood. And now you have the gall to come back like nothing happened! You don't just do that."

His frowns. "I didn't leave you."

You want to scream at him, to pull your hair out. It feels like you're about to explode from the rage you're feeling.

"Yes, you left. I was left in that goddamn maze of a mansion by myself while you and George, what? Went to go have some celebratory doughnuts? Not all of the sources were secured, Lockwood. I almost died trying to get out of there."

"I didn't -" His face blanches, and he looks like he's going to be sick. "We thought we'd secured them all."

"Well, you didn't. Want to know why I didn't go back to Portland Row for a week before getting my stuff? I was in the hospital recovering from ghost touch. Took my a month to regain full use of my right arm, you know. I almost lost my arm, in fact. But you didn't ask, you just stood and watched as I packed my stuff."

That makes him angry. "What was I meant to do? There was no stopping you."

"I wanted you to try," you say, and your voice wavers. His expression softens. "If you'd tried, I might've stayed. I might've forgiven you. But you just watched. You never asked me where I was for that week. No, you were busy revelling in your success and hiring other agents."

"We needed another agent, anyways."

"You should've checked on the one you had!" Your breathing is heavy, and your head hurts from the myriad of emotions swirling around. "I'm not - I'm not doing this right now. Today was meant to be a good day. Goodbye, Lockwood. Don't come see me again."

You start to walk away, but his hand clasps around your wrist. Scowling, you tug it from his grip, looking at him incredulously.

"I'm sorry, (name)," he says. In his defence, he's being genuine, but that doesn't mean that you're having any of it. "I am. About all of it. Please, can we talk it out?"

Thank god for the rain, because it hides the tears in your eyes. "No. I - I'm going home, and you're going to leave me alone. I don't want to see you again."

Lockwood's jaw goes slack. "Please, I'm sorry. I can't lose you."

"The minute you left me alone on that case, you lost me," you say. "I don't care how sorry you are. It does nothing. It doesn't stop me from seeing the moment I almost died every night when I sleep. It doesn't change the fact that I don't trust you anymore."

"(name) -"

"I pray that your new agent, Lucy, 'the Superstar' - that's what you called her on live TV, right? - I pray she doesn't have the same fate. I hope things work out well for you, Lockwood, truly, but that doesn't mean we'll ever be friends again. Now, I'm going home."

"Please don't go." His voice is a little shaky. It's the most emotion you've seen from him other than that fake smile he gives to the press. "Please, I'll do better."

You shake your head. Then, wordlessly, you turn and make your silent, miserable trek home.

[imaginespazzi]

Ok bestie, anon who followed up on Amoore reporting back as requested ha. I should say we are on a similar page, her & Kitley are very tough to get a read on. And a lot of the online chatter agrees its hard to judge and goes back and forth on whether theres something more going on. For those interested, I suggest watching their youtube ch series for a general sense of them interacting. Entertaining and light vids, not overly long. Really just little things between them here & there that add up. And of course a person can review their socials..

Now onto the tea I came across online. Imperfectly summarized the best I can below. (Allow me to stipulate that I have no way of verifying any of this, so please understand Im not at all sharing any of this to be presented as true or false. Take it as simply passing along the posting of others for conversations sake here in a safe space. Comments/feedback/corrections welcome)

:

Its described as on/off thing, first beginning summer 2020. A VT insider says people are aware that Amoore hasnt been committed, to put it delicately/nicely. Leading most recently to a break of sorts last Dec-mid Jan. (Added pretty sure they are together rn though. And another person did point out if Liz was getting cheated on why would Georgia seem to maintain a good relationship with the Kitley family, which is a fair Q to pose). But notably, a strangely long break in their podcast took place over that period and for the first time in 3 years they didn’t spend XMas together or hang around each other over the holiday and when podcast recording returned they just said “we had Xmas” and didn’t talk about it. It was also pointed out that sometime in winter, Liz had tickets to see an NHL game and went w Cayla King despite her and Georgia talking about how they wanted to go together before. Only sus bc it happened to coincide w the time where Georgia was speculated to have gotten close to Kate Martin. Then suddenly they K & G werent interacting anymore and L & G seem back to being “besties”.

Sidenotes:

Liz’s "2020 love playlist"… apparently someone has screenshots that it used to be titled Georgia. Includes some fav bands/songs of Amoores. And a tune called Australia Street lol. Lots of love songs predictably, but some breakup songs were added to it at one point (the comment seems to insinuate during the time they were going through issues)

They're friends with a married lesbian couple (Youtubers/influencers? The Bellaires) who they once visited alone.

Also, fyi, Kate Martin is apparently recently back w her last ex, whoever that is - per talk re social media activity

You're my new favorite person omg because this is my kinda tea fr! Can y'all tell I love some good gossip?

I'm ngl, I was never the most invested in V-Tech or the girls on the team, so I don't really follow them. And I was pretty convinced Liz was straight so I just assumed her and Georgia really were just really close besties.

But this checks out with what I've heard/read too, that they were in that "undefined" kinda place, mainly because of Georgia and eventually Liz got tired of it. I definitely didn't know about the Christmas or the NHL stuff but that makes sense. Also from what I heard, they were probably done for good now with Liz going to the draft? But still being together also makes sense. I'm so invested in this now omg.

[ethereallyjade]

Pick A Card: What Your Body Wants to Tell You

Choose a photo that calls to you and the cards will tell you a message that your body would like you to know right now. This is just for fun. Do not take anything seriously or above legal or medical advice. Masterlist

1 - 2

3 - 4

Images Not Mine

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

Pile 1

Channeled Message: Stuffed, Clogged, Ridgid, Resisitant

Your body is encouraging you to branch out and try new things. I'm hearing try new foods. If you've been thinking about trying out new recipes, your body's giving you the green light to do so. If you've been thinking about adapting new habits and exercises, it's also a go. Even if it doesn't work out, you will learn to adapt and make adjustments along the way, but you need to try something other than what you've been doing. It's time to use your enegy more effectively, and if you don't have energy it's time to treat yourself/eat/move better so you can start making that energy. Having that said, don't get too caught up in trying to find a perfect routine. You may have a habit of trying to do too much research, and although that's still important (don't put your body through potential harm w/o research obviously) make sure you're doing as much as you're thinking. Just let loose, have fun with your health practices, be in the moment with your body and don't think too much, just do. You're in a period of change and old habits are needing to be left behind and walked away from. You're so close to becoming that person you want to be. The time is now.

Pile 2

Channeled Message: Clashing, Deep Breath, Judging, Slow, Waiting, Patience, Observe

Okay, like I figured from the channeled messages, your biggest issue rn may be your own mind. As in, judging yourself too harshly that is. You may be quickly losing your patience with waiting and waiting for results to show on something. You want to stay calm about it, but inside your timer is ticking away. You're being asked to sit and take a deep breath. Perhaps you don't fully believe in your results. You want it bad, you may even need it, but deep down maybe you don't really believe this will/can happen for you or that you deserve it. I'm seeing this type of mentality is what's truly stopping you from transforming and being offered amazing gifts in life. Give yourself a chance at happiness. On a lighter note, I believe you are starting to realize what's actually important to you. Maybe you placed too much importance on having the best/most expensive food, equipment, medicine, clothes, etc. for your body and you're coming to the conclusion that it's the little things or the things on the inside that matter most, or for some of you the things you put inside your body. Things will start looking up for you, but you have to believe it.

Pile 3

Channeled Message: "Work with me". not listening, "there you go, you're getting there", distracted

You are in the midst of discovering something about yourself, but I'm seeing mood swings, tough love, and running away from the real issue. You're body may be changing in ways you didn't expect and you don't know how to deal with it. Maybe you want your body to go back to how it was, but the cards are saying to be present with your body and focus on changing your mentality to adapt to the now. Don't repress these feelings in you, but also be okay with keeping the past in the past. You are a new you and time needs to be set aside to explore this new you and to find happiness in it. Even if you don't look, act, feel, etc. how you used to, there's still so much you can do, if not new things you'll find you can do. TW: I'm really getting that for some of you this could be a weight related issue, but regardless of what it is, don't give up on yourself. You're still beautiful and worth it no matter what.

Pile 4

Channeled Messages: Mistakes, My fault, "it's just who I am", exhausted, "I can't do this right."

Both cards I pulled are Aces, which is giving me the impression that you've discovered something about yourself recently and are currently trying to become a new you. I'm not picking up anything inherently bad though. Honestly, I think you found a new talent or something good that can really change your life, but you're scared. Scared of what it means going forward. This discovery has brought out insecurities in you because you don't know if you can do it. You may be reluctant to tell others about this new thing and you're finding ways to implement it into your life in a quiet but successful way. I'm seeing that whatever this is for you could also lead to some financial gain. Your body's asking you if this is what you truly want? And since it already knows the answer is yes, it's saying to set goals and just go for it! It's time to be clear about your wants and needs and not be shy about knowing yourself. Slight TW, but obviously if the reason you're hiding this is because it could potentially put you in danger then obviously do what you need to do to keep it hidden as long as you can, but the cards are saying not to let great opportunities pass you by out of fear.

[lunarhobbits]

misc sweeney hcs

(disclaimer. i am new-ish here and have no idea how popular/prevalent any of these are go easy on me ok. also a lot of these are dadben related wh o o p s)

i've seen some variance of if this is canon in fics and stuff but i really do like the idea of the barkers also living above the pie shop in addition to the barbershop being there. similar situation w the pie shop/lovett living quarters. ig it's just easier to picture in my head then????

(p sure the b*rton film confirms smth like this but i'm ignoring it bc i don't like that guy. this idea is mine now)

part of the reason i like this so much is it means that benjamin barker had all the more time to have lovely moments with lucy and johanna when he wasn't busy with clients

(this also makes sweeney returning there without them all the more painful. if he sits and doesn't do anything then he's flooded by memories of the life he had in those same walls fifteen years ago. like no wonder sweeney's so bent out of shape by being forced to wait for the judge and the beadle to come to him)

johanna had only JUST started walking when ben was transported. he was so excited and happy and loved to try and assist her, encouraging her to take steps holding his hands. chattering away about her with any customer that would listen, perhaps even showing her off ("look at my jo! she's such a fine girl!" "i'm sure she is, mr. barker, but could you please finish shaving me?")

he bought johanna a little lacy bonnet when she was a week old. she didn't need something so fancy at such a young age, and lucy had already sewn her a few bonnets months prior. it wasn't the most sound financial decision he ever made. but oh, his girl just had to have it, and it's a little big, she could grow into it! (lucy admits she looks very cute with it on, even though she says johanna doesn't need it)

(the bonnet is left forgotten in a drawer somewhere for years, until sweeney opens that particular drawer and finds it gathering dust upon his return. he feels sick seeing it, reminding him again how much he missed. then he puts it back and refuses to give it any mind.)

nellie lovett was infuriated by lucy barker in that way that you can't quite pinpoint why you're mad other than they're "too perfect" or "too pretty" or something. ofc there was the fact she was married to ben, but i think there was a little "get out of my school" energy going on there too

idk exactly how lucy ended up on the street (or in bedlam, as lovett says in the finale) but i do think that nellie was, sadly, at least complicit in inaction to stop this from happening (if not having thrown her out herself)

anthony is the sweetest dude around and genuinely loves johanna. doesn't matter that he barely knows her when he says he'd marry her, he knows that he's going to be happy as long as she is

johanna loves him too, and she's surprised by it. not because of anything to do with anthony, but because she's felt so little real love in her life (that she can remember). it's a wonderful and frightening rush looking at him, sometimes, but then he squeezes her hand, or does something silly, or even just sneezes or clears his throat and she's brought back down to reality, in a good way. that anthony is real, and human like her. she doesn't have to "earn" his love by being utterly perfect.

they get out of london basically as soon as they can, just wanting to leave it all behind, at least for a while

it took a little time and arguing but anthony did end up getting a good sum of money from the judge's death, through johanna's inheritance going to her husband (him). they immediately used this money to finance travel. they both love to travel, anthony promising to show her the beauty of the world that, still, cannot rival her in his eyes

this is all i got that's coherent rn really lol. anyway here you go sweeney todd fans who liked/reblogged my post haha @demonbarberofbeepbeep @captains-clever-goose @little-lovett @fabulousairpirate @funnygirlthatbelle

[blommp717]

Heyy I wanna ask u something, why lot of non dualisme bloggers seems Soo strict about it ? I mean ik desiring etc it's just ego thing ik that and nothing is real etc ik that , but what's wrong with wanting to experience something else? Like what I'm experiencing rn it's is what it's is cuz I'm aware about it , but what if I want to be aware about something else? It's still no real but it's bad to wants a new character?? Like just to have fun in my human experience!! Is that bad ? Cuz they're claiming that it's still desiring etc even I'm not desiring and I'm Soo detached to the point that I lost myself and my life I couldn't feel any bad for any suggestion I gone through but this making me lose fun and joy , I want to have passion to experience fun and joy again!!! And even now I'm not where I want to be cuz I can't experience myself like I want, I don't have freedom in somethings, what I don't find it fair is they are claiming that it's desiring and it's ego thing etc , meanwhile themselves charged Thier dr to dr , like just by being aware, what I'm trying to say is that ok that nothing Worth it but that doesn't mean that I need to lose joy in my human experience!!! Right? It's Soo easy for them to be like u don't need to change anything or accept it as it's is when they're in comfortable position to start with , again I'm not judging and idk what going on in others lives, again sorry I talked loooot I hope u can help me I will appreciate it , and tbh I found it easy what u talk about etc I'm new to your blog but I feel like u trying to make it easy to understand Wich I really appreciate it 💞💞

Hey there! I think allot of people think that knowing what is, also means they have to abide by it in any and every case. I think this entire illusions purpose is the experience. Doesn’t matter if all of this is no-thing or hollow, it won’t be disappearing just because we understand the true nature of existence. So with that in mind I find it, personally, useless to not want to enjoy what we can. The “human experience” is beautiful. We shouldn’t be backing away from realizing and experience that is enjoyable because why should we? Why should someone have to put up with something that puts them down or debilitates them? I truly don’t like the direction allot these bloggers go sometimes when someone is talking to them for advice about being depressed or it being hard to overcome something and they turn into a 2 sentence horror story robot with vague pointers. 😭 dropping something like “there is no one suffering” and that’s it, like girl we get itttt…. But a feeling though illusory and labeled by self, still is an experience, and if someone doesn’t want to feel like that 24-7 why shouldn’t we give them more concise information about what a though it or a feeling and what we’re capable of doing in regards to well, disregarding the feeling, etc. anyways I rambled for a while lol, thank you for the compliments you guys are genuinly so nice, I feel grateful to have such a good community going.

[sapphicautistic]

so i can't go out rn cuz i'm in an M.E. crash.

and daffodils are only available in store around here, not for delivery or pickup.

but.

my sweetie needed something at a local store so we put in a pickup order and when I searched to see if they had daffodils they had a "spring bulb flower plant" for $3.98 at the smallest option. the pictures showed a bunch of different plants, including a mini daffodil.

so. i ordered it!! i asked in the comment field for daffodil if they had it, something purple or maybe pink if they didn't well seems like they didn't have it. and i like to think a grocery store employee decided to do me a solid out of pure human kindness bc i still paid only $3.98 but they gave me THIS much bigger plant in a much bigger pot 😭

sorry for the shitty picture i'm very very exhausted and i also can't handle a ton of light rn but trust me it's BEAUTIFUL and VERY PURPLE and it smells AMAZING and so strong lol like i have a wax warmer going about the same distance as the plant from me rn and i can't smell the wax melt at ALL bc all i can smell is this beautiful thing 😭

i'm so delighted and so like. idk this feels like a lifeline. i have been pretty distressed about this latest crash and feeling like i'm part of a world with flowers in it is so good. like I can touch this. it's not through a screen, it's here with me in my sickness cave.

i love plants and when i can't go outside having plants in here keeps me sane.

anyways please don't judge me for spending $4 on a nonessential purchase while poor, this is genuinely something i'm so grateful to have and is going to be really good for my mental health!!

[chaosheadspace]

Last line tag game, tagged by @lenreli and at least two other people lol. Snippy of Library boys 2 because I'm not allowed to talk about my main wip rn:

“I don't know,” Orpheus whispers as they go up the stairs, “What if she's weird?” He pauses and then thinks of something worse, judging by his falling expression. “What if she's like grandma Night?”

“She is nothing at all like that,” Murphy reassures him. “Joan is very kind. But you can just observe, if you are more comfortable with that. You need not talk, if you do not want to.”

Orpheus nods.

He takes Murphy at his word, silently hanging back a bit, watching as first Hob and then Murphy hug Joan and make smalltalk. But then Hob turns away to the kitchenette to make tea, and Joan addresses Orpheus directly.

“Hello young man, I've been very much looking forward to meeting you.” She does not move to hug him and instead holds out her hand for Orpheus to shake. He does so with a flush to his cheeks, silent due to a sudden shyness or maybe a lack of ideas what to say. And, like she did with Murphy, it seems Joan knows just what to do, pointing to the bright blue sliver of plastic visible through the unevenly closed flap of his bag.

“Is that one of those gaming things?” She asks. “Would you show me? They're not very up to date with technology here and I'm growing quite tired of the Mahjong on my tablet.”

Tagging @omgcinnamoncakes, @kydrogendragon, @delta-pavonis (no pressure).

[bidisasterevankinard]

Tease tidbit Tuesday 👠

Tagged by @honestlydarkprincess @panbuckley 💙💙💙💙 love you thank you

Ok so I woke up today(well officially tomorrow ) with this idea and rn my brain decided to wrote this for this idea so sorry for it being super bad(it's 4am)

Context: Buck liked to wear skirt, crop top, panties and heels in his fav gay club till Ali to feel pretty (especially Buck 1.0) but after Ali stopped because of everything around. After lightning (and maybe break up with Natalia still think about when to set it) he decided he needs it again for himself to feel better. So he's in gay club having good time and papapam Eddie is here with his bf

"Ed-Eddie? What are you doing here?" Buck feels a big urge to cover himself from the eyes of his best friend right now. And run away. Fast.

But he doesn't. Cause he doesn't do anything wrong. Just having fun.

"Hey, Buck. Doesn't expect to see you here," Eddie says it not even trying to hide how he looks at Buck's clothes, staying on the skirt too long that Buck has to cough to back his attention to his face .

"Well, it's Friday, and it's best gay club in LA so I just having fun. Not like I'm first time here. Cause if you remember I'm bi," Buck's margarita comes this moment and he takes big sip to try to calm down.

"I don't mean in club. I mean when you refuse to babysit with Chris it's always only if Maddie needs help with Jee," Eddie shrugs like it's nothing but his face shows that he judge Buck for something. Like that day in grocery store.

"Well, excuse me that I wanted to have fun and make myself feel good, because recently I felt like trash, when you were going to fuck the guy you going out with. By the way, don't you think that, how was his name," Buck take a pause to "remember the name", " oh, yes James, a little bit jealous that you speak long with pretty boy here and not with him? So go and be petty to your boyfriend, Edmundo, don't make me sad in this fantastic night. I'm sure there's a lot of people who can make it better for me," with this Buck drinks the last half of his margarita and goes to dance floor making sure his hips moves as that someone could even see the glimpse of his panties and his heels heard by close to him people even through all the music.

In the center of dance floor, Buck let's himself forget the world again and just dance feel all the attention from people around, and trying not to think how Eddie comes back to James to have a good night with him. Buck really hopes they will go away before him.

Tagging if they want to share : @911onabc @ebdaydreamer @alyxmastershipper @transbuck @cowboy-buddie @lover-of-mine @heartshapedvows @bekkachaos @rogerzsteven @the-likesofus @elvensorceress @shortsighted-owl @barbiediaz @buddierights @housewifebuck @thewolvesof1998 @wildlife4life @wikiangela @hippolotamus @transboybuckley @devirnis @heartbeatdiaz @buck-coded @spotsandsocks @monsterrae1 @spaceprincessem @userdisaster @caroandcats @mandzuking17 @translasso @firemedicdiaz @jesuisici33 @bigfootsmom @jeeyuns @diazass @eddiediaztho and anyone who wants to share

[coralinnii]

So um this is a really random piece of info but I binged like 8 manhwas in like a single week, and am currently binging through 'A Villainess No More' (Loving the FL rn she's iconic-) I've also taken to summarising them in the most out of context way I can think of-

Little Rabbit and the Big Bad Leopard(ongoing)

vore turned borederline beastiality because fl wasn't wearing clothes one too many times but somehow everything happened without a single sex scene

I Became the Sacrificial Princess (ongoing)

the equivalent of fake brands trying to replace the original but failing miserably

50 Tea Recipes from the Duchess (completed) (reread this one cus why not)

tea is the solution to all your problems

Adelaide (completed)

celebrity scandal turned political conflict and the fl just happened to be at the right place at the right time to snag herself a love interest

A Royal Princess With Black Hair (completed)

caramel tarheads

A Villainess for the Tyrant (completed)

arranged death sentence turned dimension travelling saviours

A Tender Heart : The Story of How I Became a Duke's Maid (completed)

raise your own love interest

Am I Your Daughter? (completed)

trigger warnings are practically a side plot

(I really apologise if this clogged up your inbox I just read a shit ton of manhwas in one go and really needed to tell someone about it-)

~ Idia nonnie <3

I'm sorry I never got to reply to this but my inbox gets weird depending on which device I use and certain messages don't pop up where I remember they should be. Is that just me having a really old phone model or something? I'm literally using my work computer to reply (don't tell my supervisor whoops!)

Considering that I've read some of these as well, I completely understand the need to binge this. I have no leg to stand on this xD

Being a tea b*tch, having a whole manhwa dedicated to how great tea is *mwuah* absolutely everything. (it's also funny that there's a number of manhwa dedicated to how great coffee is but I don't really remember them ｜−・;）

I gotta say, people who really like Little Rabbit and the Big Bad Leopard must be pretty open-minded considering the weirdness of it (that or maybe kinda kink-ahem) but I also read this so I have no right to judge anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯