#don't feel sorry for her she's also horrible

[iwasbored777]

I've been reading posts about GUN and I know they're going to be so bad in the fourth movie. Because not only is it possible that Rockwell, you know the openly xenophobic agent, will be the leader, but we're also going to have the Metal Sonics. When GUN sees alien threats built from the image of the alien they hate the most and can't chase, it's going to be the perfect excuse to want to capture Sonic and also Tails and Knuckles for sure. Not only that, with Amy in the movie it's going to get worse! If she really can travel through time with her chaos energy, I have no doubt that GUN will want to capture her too so they don't get this insane trump card. I dare say that a Team Heroes X GUN conflict is kind of inevitable.

Thanks for this ask cuz I feel so honoured to shame GUN for everything they've done. That previous post about Shadow wasn't enough, they did so many terrible things and I can't believe I didn't write this before your ask.

I can barely list all the worst things they did but I'll try and I'll answer to your other stuff so I hope you're ready and I hope you don't mind this whole analysis 😅 but I really wanted to talk more about GUN and since you clearly hate/dislike them just as much as I do (and many feel the same way) I really want to complain about them to someone who'll listen:

They were the ones that sent Robotnik in the first place. At least at the beginning he was just doing his job.

They knew that Gerald was Ivo's grandfather and alive all these years but they chose to not tell Ivo and let him think that he has no family his entire life. They used him because he was a genius and wanted him to make all those inventions for them and when they thought that he died they just acted as if he never existed.

They hired one of their agents to seduce Sonic's aunt, propose to her, and plan the whole wedding so that they would capture Sonic (I'm sorry I'm trying to stay serious but what the hell is wrong with GUN?! I don't know if I should cry or laugh and this is only the beginning). Poor Rachel too! They didn't care about anyone whether it was humans or aliens. I kinda wasn't happy that Rachel couldn't stay mad, what they did to her was horrible.

They captured Sonic and Tails. Tails was injured when they captured him and they didn't do anything about it, they simply put him and Sonic in cages after they tased Sonic to make sure he's unconscious too, they arrested Tom too when he tried to defend his son. This scene always breaks me, poor babies 😢

They found Shadow when he landed on Earth, kidnapped him, held him in a cryo pod and were doing experiments on him. (Gee, I wonder why Tom and Maddie didn't trust GUN with Sonic and kept Sonic hidden in their house instead after the first movie).

They were responsible for the death of a child, Maria (Walters did try to protect her and Shadow but when others killed her he mistreated Shadow. He definitely had more sympathy for Maria, she was a human child after all.) This moment right here physically hurts me cuz not only that they don't seem to care about the child they just killed but also they're surrounding Shadow and Gerald with weapons as if Shadow and Gerald were the ones who did something terrible here... They didn't care about the child they just killed, they only wanted to capture Shadow, that was their priority and Maria was just a collateral damage.

Right after they killed Maria they threw Gerald, her grandfather who loved her, in jail for 50 years and forced him to make Eclipse Cannon, that can destroy the planet. He went crazy because of all that and WHO WOULDN'T?!

They froze Shadow for 50 years (would definitely stay frozen way longer if he didn't escape) because they just didn't know what to do with him and kept him awake and fully aware of what they were doing to him during the process. I'll once again remind y'all of Walters' comment that Shadow was "too valuable to destroy", because Shadow was property to them and not a young living being with feelings and trauma that they gave him. His face here breaks my heart... Look how helpless he was here...

I added as many examples of how terrible GUN is as I can remember but if there are more you can always add them in the comments. I could easily add every scene and every screenshot with GUN cuz even at their better moments, they're still really bad, but I tried to pick the most important parts.

As for Rockwell, yeah she's gonna be a handful. She's definitely worse than Walters. At least he realized in his last moments that you can trust some aliens, but she isn't going to be easy to convince. They'll probably be even worse from now on and they probably didn't learn their lesson after Shadow. They better not hurt my baby girl Amy or the Colorful Bunch. I have some theories but I'd rather wait and see what's next.

Amy was hiding her identity here from Metal Sonic but I'm not sure if she doesn't want GUN to find her either cuz she's not hiding from Sonic, she let him see her.

Either way, it's not going to be easy for our alien kids and GUN gave me no reason to trust them so far. It says a lot that Robotnik and Stone were WAY more likeable to me than GUN. I hope GUN will leave Shadow alone and if they can't, I hope he'll kick GUN's butts again.

[psalacanthea]

just poking around in various fics for my own amusement tonight, so I thought I'd share a snippet of something unposted. I sometimes forget how much Iike these two (three, including Leo, who does in fact steal her boyfriends for sport)

ME:A, Reyes Vidal x Ryder

She was just getting into a good, steady rhythm when Reyes interrupted his languid instruction, a truncated noise of surprise escaping him.  Hands curling against his chest, she whipped her head around just in time for the door to slide open.  The door she had been very careful to lock.

Standing in the doorway, shirtless, jet-black hair tousled, Leo stood with a spoon in his mouth.  

With a shriek, Lydia groped blindly for the blanket, yanking it up and draping it around herself.  It didn't escape her panicked notice that Reyes was laughing, chest shivering under her hand.  And Leo was grinning.

“I locked!  The fucking!  Door!”  

“I unlocked it,” Leo said.  “Hello.”  He leaned to the side, and lifted his hand.  “Hi.”

“Good morning,” Reyes greeted lazily.

Lydia saw the little eye flicker, the subtle once-over.  Oh, he better not.  When she warningly slapped her hand against Reyes' bare chest, the other clutching the blanket around her naked body, he averted his eyes back and smiled innocently at her.

Like he hadn't just been checking out her brother.

“Hey, do you want breakfast?” Leo asked, pulling her attention back.

Why did he always do this?  Why were brothers just the absolute worst?!  “I will put you in another coma, Leo James Ryder! Get the fuck out!”

Grinning roguishly at her, her awful shit of a twin brother averted his big blue eyes innocently away.  But she was watching for it, and she caught him glance at Reyes and wink.  The absolute son of a bitch. 

Sorry, mom, but it was true.

“Okay, but it's breakfast ti~ime.” 

“Get out, you slut!” she snapped.

“All right, but it's the most important meal of the da~ay.”

“Get out!” she shrieked.

“Nice to meet you,” Reyes called, and then laughed when she turned a dark look on him.  From behind, she heard the door slide closed, and then the quiet beep of it being locked.  Bastard had hacked it.  “I was only being friendly.”

"Didn't I warn you not to flirt with my brother?" she asked threateningly, leaning down towards him.

Pulling an aggrieved look, he gave a light tug to the blanket she was clutching.  “I would never.  These accusations...”

“Are entirely true,” she retorted, holding the blanket tighter.  

He gave up and switched tactics slyly, slowly pulling the blanket out of her grip, bit by bit.  “And have you ever realized how unfair it is to the universe at large that the most gorgeous woman in it has a twin brother?  Hmm?  I'm sure no woman is safe.”

“Man,” she corrected out of habit, and then narrowed her eyes as Reyes gave a 'hmm' and shifted his eyes towards the door again.  It made it worse that he was still hard, like being interrupted hadn’t turned him off at all.  “Reyes Vidal.”

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

[asklesbianonceler]

I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.

I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:

"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"

And

"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"

[immortalsins]

how the hell do i tell my father that filling his house with the furniture from my dead grandmother's flat is not a healthy thing to do

[onrainynights]

I'm about to be so annoying btw

[youareinlove]

See I think Peter is about Matty but I think it’s about Matty written before she broke up with Joe and they got together in 2023. Maybe written when he was first in her inbox, sending her songs, talking about what could have beens and she was like “no, I turned out the light” but I’m low key sad about it 😂

i see this perspective, but i think i do ultimately disagree because peter is very tied to parts of rep and very reflective of how things went with joe. its place on the album (towards the end) and the way it's part of a four-track run about loss of youth gives me heavy so long london energy (and i think that theme of losing youth that's all over the album is very tied to joe)

[stars-and-darkness]

.

[hailsatanacab]

so this really gripped me, absolutely loved the idea! please enjoy roughly too many words on the topic :)

---

It’s been about… half an hour since Danny was transported to a random ghost’s lair, so he reasons that it’s probably nearing around midnight now. That’s alright, it was probably going to be an all-nighter anyway, and at least this way there won’t be any distractions— he might actually be able to finish his algebra homework for once. Especially since, as far as he can tell, the ghost that summoned him isn’t particularly powerful—not judging by the cage that held him, anyway—Danny’s pretty sure he could break out of the whole thing without even going ghost.

Speaking of, the ghost—yeah, he really hadn’t been paying attention when the guy was monologuing at the beginning—doesn’t seem to recognise him at all, so like, great! He can just treat the whole thing as a study hall session and beat the guy up when he’s done.

And you know what? It’s honestly going pretty well! He’s flying through the problems like nobody’s business, there’s only like three left and he’s starting to feel a lot more confident for the test tomorrow! Perhaps getting kidnapped was a good thing?

But, like every good thing in Danny’s life, it doesn’t last.

He groans as he’s interrupted with a knock on his cage, rolling his eyes.

“What?”

“How does it make you feel, hm?” asks the ghost, his grin widening in mocking sympathy. Great. Another Spectra type. “He doesn’t even recognise you. Failed at the first hurdle!”

“So?” Danny shrugs, not really knowing or caring what’s happening here. He had three questions left. Three! This is the most homework he’s done since freshman year, and yet again, here comes a ghost to ruin it. “I don’t recognise him either, so who cares.”

“Who cares?” The ghost blinks at him, twisting back to look incredulously at… holy shit, is that Batman? “Who cares?”

Danny just shrugs again. Perhaps he should put an end to this before things start to spiral any more out of hand… Who’s he kidding, that’s Batman. Things are already out of hand.

“Did you hear that, Batman? He doesn’t care if you know him or not. Does that hurt?”

Batman doesn’t answer, he just clenches his fists tightly and glares at Danny.

Danny wishes he’d been paying more attention because he has no idea what the fuck is going on now. The pages of his homework are scattered across the floor of his cage—he only had three problems left!—it makes a certain perverse sort of sense that just as he gets to grips with algebra, he’d be knocked off kilter in a ghost fight of all things. Great.

“Uh, what?”

But the ghost ignores him and swirls up in the air to float around Batman’s centre podium. Right. So this is all about Batman, then. Gotcha.

“Second question, Batman! Come on, you must know what it is by now, do I even have to ask?”

Batman remains stubbornly silent.

Looking around, Danny sees that he’s in the last of the cages, ringing around Batman in a semicircle. There’s a Gotham vigilante in each one—and also Red Hood, which is weird because Danny’s fairly certain he’s like a crime boss or something—Nightwing, Red Robin, Robin, that new daytime one, the one with the full face mask… Batgirl? Orphan? There are a lot of them and they all seem to change their names every few years, alright? It gets confusing.

Besides, Danny’s had a few other things on his plate lately. He doesn’t have time to memorise every single city’s heroes! It’s not like any of them know who he is anyway.

There’s a floating number behind Batman. 

79/134.

Danny hates fractions even more than algebra. This sucks.

“Fine, I’ll ask. How old is he?”

“My name’s Danny, and I’m 15.” he says, but no one looks his way. Huh. Are the cages soundproof unless the ghost wants to hear him?

It takes a second, but Batman growls out a low, “I don’t know.”

The ghost cackles, long and hard. 

Danny can’t help but roll his eyes as he floats over to him again. This time he can feel it, the rush of ectoplasm that floods through the cage as the ghost makes contact.

“How old are you?”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m asking you how old you are, so, how old are you?”

Okay, so infusing the cage with ectoplasm means he can be heard. Good to know.

“I’m 15.”

As soon as the words leave his lips, the number behind Batman ticks over.

79/135.

Right. So, Batman’s going through his own test. General knowledge on vigilantes? But then, why’s he here with the Gotham heroes? It doesn’t make sense!

“He’s 15, Batman. That’s 15 years of his life that you’ve missed out on, isn’t that something? You know, I’m starting to suspect that you don’t know them all perfectly like you said you did. I don’t think you know them at all.”

The ghost lets out another long laugh and leaves before Danny can even think of the right question to ask. Something other than “What the fuck?”

“When’s his birthday?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well?”

“Seriously, what’s happening? I don’t get it.”

“Answer the question. When’s your birthday?”

“April 3rd.”

79/136.

The questions keep coming—both from the ghost, and from Danny—but only the ghost gets his answered.

“What are his hobbies?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know, fighting, I guess? Wait, no, engineering! You know, inventing shit, that sounds better than fighting.”

Yeah, this is still Batman, probably shouldn’t advertise his crime fighting. Wait, hang on, does the combination of fighting and inventing shit make him sound more like a villain? Fuck!

79/139.

“What’s his favourite colour?”

“I don’t know.”

“Red.”

79/142.

“What’s his favourite movie?”

“I don’t know.”

“Undead Teacher II: The Bell Doesn’t Dismiss You, I Do. It’s really good, you should watch it.”

79/145.

“What’s his favourite game?”

“I don’t know.”

“Not fucking this one, I can tell you that. Seriously, what’s happening here? Why’s Batman meant to know all of these?”

“Answer the question.”

“Doomed.”

79/149.

And then they start getting into the harder questions. More personal. Stuff that Danny only really talks about with Jazz—and even then, only when he’s coerced or going through a rough patch.

Part of him wants to keep playing the game, see what he can learn, see why he’s been dragged into this.

“Who was his first love?”

“I don’t know.”

“Val. But don’t tell her I said that.”

79/154.

“With whom was his first kiss?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does a fake-out make-out count?”

“What?”

“It’s when you kiss someone so people think you were doing that instead of, you know, like, doing something you shouldn’t.”

“Yes, it counts. It’s still a kiss.”

“See, that’s what Tucker said, but I don’t think it does, I mean—alright, yeah, sure, it was with Sam, then, jeez.”

79/155.

Part of him wants to stop.

“What’s his greatest fear?”

“I don’t know.”

A huge part of him wants this to stop.

Batman’s still standing straight, but his hands—held tightly at his sides—are shaking. Why is this happening?

“Well? What’s your greatest fear? Don’t worry, this is a safe space, we won’t judge you. It’s not you we’re here to judge, after all.”

Danny licks his lips, forces himself to breath through his nose. His greatest fear?

“My parents.”

He, uh… he hadn’t meant to say that. He also hadn’t realised how true that was until it left him. There’s a pounding ache in his chest.

The ghost’s face splits into a wide grin, teeth sharp and glinting in the light, drinking in Danny’s hurt. The air crackles and he doesn’t know who’s causing it.

79/157.

“Why is he scared of his parents?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m… scared they’ll find out what I am and they’ll hurt me for it.” His voice is barely above a whisper, but it carries to everyone, magically amplified through the room. Danny just concentrates on breathing. He keeps his eyes on Batman. There’s no need to know what the others are doing.

Batman gasps, ragged and catching, and goes to take a step towards him before the platform he’s on lights up red. 

The ghost whips his head around to laugh.

“Careful now, Batman, you know what happens if you step out of that circle before the game is over. Boom.”

Batman steps back, but he never looks away from Danny, his scowl deepening.

Danny doesn’t know what it means.

79/158.

“We still have a few more questions, you can’t give up right before the end! What is he?”

The pause between the question and Batman’s answer is longer this time. Danny watches as his hands clench and unclench, as the muscles work in his jaw, until he finally gives up.

“I don’t know.”

It sounds hollow in the open space.

“Well?”

“Do you not know who I am?”

It does make him kind of like a douche to pull that card, but seriously, it feels like everyone in the Infinite Realms knows who he is at this point and he can feel the anger rising in him, no one should dare subject him to this, he—

“Did you hear that, Batman? Do you not know who he is? Look at him, look at your—”

“No, you. Do you not know who I am?”

The ghost takes his hand off the cage and squints at him, looking him up and down, before dismissing him with a smile. “What does it matter if I know who you are or not, what matters here is if he knows you.”

He swirls up around them until he’s floating in front of the giant numbers. They tick over again.

79/159.

“Evidently, he doesn't know you much.” He swoops down to curl his ghostly tail around Batman’s podium, smiling all the while. “Come on, Batman, you’re so close! I’ve only got one more question left, there’s still a chance you can win. Only half, that’s it, you just need to answer half of my questions correctly and then you can all leave perfectly safe and sound.

“So, without further ado, here is your final question. What’s his name?” The way the ghost’s voice echoes through the chambers, cruel and twisted, sends shivers up Danny’s spine. 

Batman’s mouth opens and closes, but no sound comes out. He raises a hand out towards Danny, goes to take a step, but pulls back at the last second. Only the bottom half of his face is visible, but the anguish on it is plain as day.

“It’s so simple, there’s no way you could get it wrong. Even the worst father knows their child’s name, surely. But, I suppose, you didn’t even know he existed before now, did you? How can you call yourself a father at all? How can you say you know your children?”

“I—”

“It’s Danny.”

The ghost’s cackling laughter is cut off abruptly as he snaps his neck towards Danny’s cage.

“How did you do that? How are you speaking, don’t ruin this!”

Yeah, screw this guy. Screw whatever twisted game he’s trying to play with Batman, Danny’s finished with it.

“My name is Danny. Danny Phantom.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“You can’t be Phantom, he’s—”

He transforms in a flash of bright light and the cage shatters with a, disappointingly, pretty weak bolt of ectoplasm. It’s not even going to be a good fight, he can tell. Honestly, after all of this emotional turmoil, he could really do with letting off some steam, but this guy’s too weak to even bother with.

He sighs and steps out of the ruins of his cage.

“Guess you should have done some research before kidnapping people, huh?”

“I don’t do research!”

“Yeah, that’s pretty obvious.” he says, with a roll of his eyes. He’s definitely not looking at Batman.

“No, I mean, the spell just does it all for me—it gathers everything it needs and brings it all here, including the subject’s children. It knows the answers to all the questions a father should know, it—”

“So Batman really is my father?”

“Yes. Without a doubt.”

Danny closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. The ache in his chest never fades, but after another couple of seconds, his eyes stop prickling.

“And everyone else here… they’re my brothers and sisters?”

“Yes, that’s right.” The ghost nods frantically, his perpetual grin looking more and more unsure. “The spell can’t be wrong.”

“And you were going to hurt them all if he didn’t win?”

The ghost stops nodding.

“I’m really gonna enjoy hitting you now.”

“But without me, you wouldn’t know! Surely that counts for something, surely—”

In the end, all it takes is one solid punch to knock the ghost out. Barely even worth it—certainly not the catharsis he was hoping for. 

With a sigh, Danny takes a thermos out of his chest and sucks up the unconscious ghost in a blaze of light. Perhaps he can go and needle Vlad or something when he makes it back home, finally get a release for some of this rage building in his chest.

Anything so he doesn’t have to deal with… whatever the hell is happening here now.

As soon as he caps the lid on the thermos, the stage setup vanishes and the air shimmers around them until even that fades and they find themselves on a rooftop in a dark, gloomy city that certainly isn’t Amity Park.

Danny has a guess as to where they are and he’s not exactly happy about it.

“B, what the hell was that?”

“You alright, Batman?”

“Father?”

Danny has his back to them all. He’s not looking. He has bigger things to worry about than… whatever the absolute fuck all of that was. He’s just going to block this from his mind forever, thanks.

They all fall into silence and Danny can practically feel their eyes burning into his back. Well… fuck. He floats down to stand on his own two feet and takes a deep breath, turning back into his human form before… before turning around to face them all.

“So, that was weird.”

Yikes, not the greatest way to start a conversation with—with his biological dad? What does that mean about—oh, ew, he doesn’t even want to think about it, gross. Did Mom cheat? Does Dad know?

“Who are you?” Batman growls out, and you know what? Danny doesn’t feel bad about his conversation starter at all now, because that was shocking. He can’t help but flinch.

“Jesus, B, don’t scare him.” Nightwing rests a hand on Batman’s shoulder and gently manoeuvres himself in front of him. “My name’s Nightwing, you’re Danny, right?”

Danny nods, but doesn’t speak. Probably shouldn’t open his mouth any more, really. They already know he’s Phantom, he should keep the rest of what they know at a minimum, shouldn’t he? At least until he knows a bit more about them.

Does he want to know more about them?

“How about we take this back to the cave where we can get to know each other properly? Without all the masks, alright?”

Wait, what?

Danny cocks his head to the side, confused. Is Nightwing saying they’ll tell them their identities? They’d just trust him with that?

Looking at them all, it’s pretty hard to tell what they want. The masks do a really good job at hiding what they’re thinking—sidenote, should Danny get a mask?—and he’s… he’s only just met them. He wasn’t paying attention to any of their questions, he doesn’t know a thing about them! Meanwhile, they know everything about him—oh, Ancients, they know about Val, they know about his first kiss, they know about—

“Please,” Batman starts, and then stops again, looking more uncertain than he ever did earlier. “Please, I know… I know this must be difficult for you, but if that… thing—”

“Ghost.” Danny interrupts, immediately wishing he hadn’t. “He was a ghost.”

Batman nods. “But if that ghost is right, then… I don’t want to lose this opportunity to get to know you. I don’t know my children as well as I thought, and it almost cost them their lives. I… I don’t want that to happen again.”

What, so he’s just meant to tell Batman all his secrets, just in case they all get captured by another family therapy-oriented ghost? Not gonna happen, thanks, Batman.

They must have read something in his face (seriously, should he get a mask?) because Nightwing steps up again. “I think what B means to say is that we’d all like to get to know you better. No pressure, no strings, you don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to.”

“I, uh, have a test tomorrow.” His voice is strangled, the words getting caught in his throat. He takes a step back and his heart pounds in his chest. “I should get going, it’s a long flight back.”

Batman follows him as he takes another step away, but Nightwing rests a hand on his shoulder and keeps him still. “Let him go, B, you can’t force him.”

When he bumps against the edge of the roof, he transforms and lifts into the air, not missing the quick flash of concern across Batman’s face. Whatever that means, he doesn’t know.

“Can you… can you not look me up? For obvious reasons, I’d rather my parents not find out about this.Them and… others, too. Even if you think your tech is good, when it comes to ghosts, theirs is better. Please don’t look me up.”

Red Robin is already furiously typing away on a screen on his wrist. 

“Come on, dude, seriously? I just asked you not to.”

“I’m not, I’m just—ow!”

Red Hood whacks him across the back of his head and then dodges quickly as Red Robin goes to jab him in the stomach.

“I really wasn’t, I was researching ghosts in general, fuck off!”

“Don’t do that either.” Danny laughs, watching as they dance across the rooftop, each failing to hit the other. They only come to an end when Black Bat? Orphan? Seriously, was she Batgirl, he really doesn’t know. Anyway, she ends the fight with a swift chop to both of their backs, which leaves them both grumbling on the floor.

“Seriously, you won’t get anything good searching on the internet, anyway. Any credible sources will trigger a trace and anything else is rubbish anyway. I’ll…” He takes in a deep breath that he doesn’t need and looks towards Batman. “I’ll tell you about it all when I come back, I promise. Saturday, same time, same place. Alright?”

There’s a tense silence as they all turn to see what Batman will say. Danny can’t help but let out a small sigh of relief when he finally nods.

Okay, so he’s got until Saturday. That’s plenty of time!

It’s two days. He’s got two days to figure out what he’s going to say. To ask his parents—ask Jazz, probably—if he’s, what, adopted? Or the product of a secret fling? Gross, does he even want to know?

There’s no way two days is enough time, oh, Ancient’s what’s he going to do?

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly—he can panic on the way back, at least let him keep some kind of cool in front of Batman!

“I’ll, uh, see you on Saturday, then!” He waves, feeling a little stupid, and he turns to face the direction of Amity Park.

“Danny?” 

He turns back to find Batman looking up at him, uncertainty reading in every part of his frame.

“Yeah?” 

“Good luck on your test tomorrow.”

As much as he wants to, Danny can’t fight down the blinding grin that worms its way onto his face. No one apart from Jazz has wished him luck on a test in a long while. He must look like such a dork, but his core lifts in his chest and somehow it’s a little easier to breathe.

“Thanks! Bye!” 

He waves again, more cheerfully this time, and zooms off before they have a chance to call him back. The grin doesn’t leave his face until three hours later when he’s finally collapsed into his bed in Amity at Ancients-knows-what-time and the cold realisation that he left his homework back in the cage floods through him.

Damn it!

"Let's play a game of 'How well do you know your kids?'" The being shouted, eyebrow still twitching from Robins latest remark.

"I know all my children perfectly." Batman growled at the entity. He held his ground as the spirits (demons?) smile sharpened, "Than you won't mind!"

A puff of purple glowy smoke engulfs then entire area and the next thing anyone knows is that all of Bruces children, even the ones who weren't with them previously, are locked inside magical cages while Batman is trapped in a invisible mime box with a podium and a microphone in what is quite possibly the most garish game show set up ever.

Why was everything neon green and purple? Why was the guy neon green and purple? Who were these other kids-gdi Bruce! You have more kids?

Danny could just transform and beat up the ghost. Its a pretty weak one after all. But this one doesn't seem to recognize him as a halfa and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do his homework without being attacked.

Jason stared at the kid next to him. What kinda life did this kid have to calmly get out his math homework and start solving problems while being held hostage by an unknown entity?! And with the bats no less?!

All the while Batman is getting peppered with questions about his kids and is realizing he doesn't recognize a few of the names.

[emometalhead]

.

[inkedbybarnes]

none of it was fake

bucky barnes x avenger!fem!reader

summary: you've been undercover with bucky as husband and wife. upon returning, he seems to have forgotten that it was all pretend.

word count: 1.6k+

warnings: two idiots cluelessly pining for each other. fluff. usage of petnames such as sweetheart, doll, and baby. lowercase writing.

note: hi, babies. how's everyone? this is my first fic in ages, so sorry if it's not my best one. i just wanted something cute ++ this is unedited & not proofread, might fix it laterrr. still hope you'll enjoy this one! xo

dividers made by @firefly-graphics!

comments, reblogs, and likes are highly appreciated. thank you! ♡

“i can't believe your first kiss happened during a mission. an undercover mission!

wanda huffed, still hung up on the mission you had with bucky weeks ago wherein you had to play pretend as a married couple. there had been a kiss or two during that time, and it felt impossible not to tell your best friend about it when you had been crushing over the soldier for ages.

wanda knew what you felt towards bucky. in fact, she was the only one who knew, or at least the one you shared th information with, and she made sure to ask everything about the mission, even if it took days for her to interrogate you.

“excuse me? that was not my first kiss,” you said defensively, reaching for a cup from the cupboard that you had just opened. “and why are we still talking about this? you and nat already squeezed out every information from me for an entire week.”

“i didn't mean your first first kiss!” she exclaimed, following you around the kitchen as you made yourself a cup of coffee. “you've had a crush on the guy for so long, and the first time you two kiss each other is when you're pretending. that's not how i pictured it at all!”

you had to admit, the mission was sort of a blessing in disguise and a curse at the same time. you were glad to be able to spend time with bucky in ways you've dreamt of, but there was also the horrible reminder that none of it was real. with how avoidant bucky was with you, it was impossible for any of it to happen outside of the mission.

“well, maybe you should stop picturing us doing that sort of stuff. you're way more invested in this than i am, wanda. don't you have your own relationship to think about?” you asked. although you knew she was in a happy relationship with vision, you just wanted her to take a break from all the bucky talk. “when is your man home anyway?”

“my relationship is doing great, so i'm good. i don't need to think of it as much since he gives me everything that i need, and i think of yours because you deserve happiness as well.” she smiled fondly, her eyes sparkling with happiness. “and i'm glad that you asked because this reminded me that vision's arriving with bucky soon.”

“already?” your eyes widened at her statement, completely forgetting that bucky, along with steve, clint, and vision, were coming home today from their mission. “why didn't you tell me sooner!?”

after finishing your mission with bucky two weeks ago, he was immediately sent into another mission which specifically needed him. so, today would technically be the first time you're seeing him again since you last called him your “husband,” which was more nerve-wracking than you expected.

“hey, i'm your best friend, not your alarm.” wanda raised her hands up, defending herself. “and why are you so worried? i can feel your anxiety without needing to be in your head.”

“well, we never talked after.. you know,” you replied, taking a big sip out of your cup. “i know none of it meant anything and that we were just doing our job, but it's the first time i'll be with him normally and not as a pretend married couple. it's kinda awkward, wands.”

“you were able to pretend you didn't like the guy for months, you can do it again for another day.” she answered. “unless you finally tell him what you feel?”

“oh, that? yeah, never happening. i'm not going to risk—”

“there you are, sweetheart.”

there was a collective shocked gasp from both you and wanda, recognizing that voice from behind. except the gasps had different reasons.

you were surprised with his arrival.

wanda was surprised that he casually called you sweetheart.

you turn to find bucky already walking towards you with a smile on his face.

this man never smiles unless he was tasked to do so!

“bucky! you're back!” you awkwardly greeted him.

“yeah, didn't they tell you? i was looking for you when we landed.” he said, pulling you close to him before bending to place a soft kiss on your lips like it was something he'd always done. “you okay, baby? you look pale. did you eat?”

i look pale because wanda is right here with us and you just kissed me while acting like we're dating!

“um, yeah, i'm fine. i'm fine,” you answered, gently pulling yourself away from his arms before he could wrap them around you completely. “can we talk? privately?”

he frowned, worry etched on his face, but he nodded and squeezed your arm softly. “of course. where do you wanna talk, doll?”

“anywhere where wanda isn't there.” you said lightheartedly, throwing a sharp glance at wanda who finally understood what you wanted her to do.

“oh! right, right. i'm sorry, you guys can stay here. i have um..” she paused, thinking of a reason to say. “i have to look for vision anyway. we're supposed to watch a movie together. bye!”

and just like that, wanda was gone and you were left alone with bucky in the kitchen.

before you could speak, bucky asked you first. “what's the matter, doll?”

“what's the matter?” you echoed in a higher tone. “what was that all about?”

“what are you talking about?” he asked, seemingly confused.

“you kissed me, bucky, like it was nothing. then you keep calling me these nicknames.” you reminded him. “we're back home, not in los angeles in our fake house that we used as a fake couple.”

bucky took a step back when he realised his actions, now finding it hard to look at you. “i.. i'm sorry. i completely forgot. i just.. i wasn't thinking. i got used to how we were before,” he mumbled, still finding the right words to say. “did i make you uncomfortable?”

“no, but you made me confused,” you replied. “i'm guessing you got used to how we acted as a fake married couple, but you were gone for another mission. how are you still stuck with the old routine we had?”

“because that's all i could think about,” he answered, now staring at you. “while you're back here in the tower, completely done with our mission, i was thrown back into another one, having only you in my head to pull me back up from the fatigue.”

“you're telling me that you kept thinking about us even when you were gone? why?”

“haven't you?”

“is this a trick question?”

“it's a question to find out whether you like me too or not.”

“you.. you like me?” you blinked. “that's impossible.”

“how on earth is that impossible?”

“because you're always so cold and grumpy around me,” you answered. “i think you're just confused with all the acting we've done, bucky. you don't like me.”

“i was supposed to go on that mission with sharon, not you.” he exhaled. “she volunteered to do it, so she was initially picked. i tried getting out of it, but i had advantages that they needed for the mission to go smoothly. so, i agreed, but in one condition.”

“what was it?” you whispered.

“that you should be my partner,” he answered quickly. “ask me why.”

your heart pounded. “why?”

“because i wanted an excuse to act the way i've always wanted to. i wasn't cold or grumpy because i didn't like you, i just didn't want to scare you.” bucky explained, his hand reaching out for yours. “god, doll. figuring out whether you like me or not has got to be the hardest mission i had to deal with. so do me a favour and get me out of this misery.”

once your lungs found a bit of oxygen again, you finally spoke. “what you said.. you mean it?”

bucky nodded. “every word.”

“well, i like you too.” you tried to bite back a huge smile. “for some time now, actually. wanda will eventually tell you all about my obsession with you. i can't believe we were both worrying for the wrong things.”

“your obsession with me, huh?” he asked cockily, a teasing grin plastered on his face.

“really? i said all that and that's what caught your attention?”

“can't help it. i've been obsessed with you for a long time now as well.” his eyes crinkled at the corners, a little smile gracing his lips while his arm slipped around your waist.

your eyes peeked up at him through your lashes. “does this make it real now?”

“do you want it to be?”

“you're really asking me that?” your chest rumbled. “of course i do.”

“then let's make it real.”

bucky watched you intensely for a few seconds as if he wanted to frame this exact moment before licking his lips and leaning down. you suck a breath, eyes closing as you felt his soft lips meet yours.

you never realised how much you've grown familiar with his touch and affection since your time together as a fake couple.

except this time, none of it was fake.

should we see their time in los angeles as an undercover married couple? 👀

if you have any requests for bucky, send them my way! 💌

[ssahotchnerr]

fluffy aaron request !! reader is on a date that is going so bad when she gets called in for a case so she shows up in her like fancy date outfit and confides in hotch about her horrible date then he offers to make it up to her and takes her out when they get back <3 maybe there’s some room for slight jealous!aaron in there somewhere tehe

it's a date

there's always room for jealous!aaron 🤭 cw; fem bau!reader, mutual pining, a touch of nervous and jealous!aaron, brief standard cm case info, fluff <3

You were the last one to arrive at the BAU, departing from the far side of town and evening traffic to blame.

Consequently, you pulled stares the second you arrived within the roundtable room. Your presence was anticipated, for one, the sound of your heels clacking against the hard floor, and:

A low whistle exited Morgan.

"Look at you." He tossed out, a tickled grin spread wide across his face.

Your current attire was a dress; a fancier, slightly more risqu�� choice compared to your typical office wardrobe. It was a light beige, your hair was down your back in loose curls, makeup more enhanced than your usual routine. Aaron had to (internally) admit, you looked stunning.

"Hot date?"

"You could say that."

Aaron felt his jaw move. Clench, actually.

"Sorry for cutting your night short." He apologized, forcing his sentence out deep from inside his chest. He turned towards the screen, concealing himself.

"On the contrary," You eased yourself into your chair, eagerly accepting a file from Emily. "Thank you for cutting my night short."

"With this one, you may want to rethink that sunshine." Penelope clicked her remote, illuminating the screen with the latest case photos. "Ain't no rest for the wicked."

The team collectively ran through it quickly; a brutal family annihilator, decreasing cooling off period, the gravity of the situation heightening and a panicked town. Wheels up in 30 to Oklahoma.

As the others trailed out, Penelope hurrying to her bat cave, Aaron slowed his pace. He prolonged securing his files into his briefcase, zipping it shut, leaving only the two of you in the room.

Coincidentally, you weren't in too much of a rush either.

"That bad?"

You huffed in response as your eyes found his. He was met with a hardened, utter annoyance, instead of your familiar warm liveliness.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to talk about." The bottom of your files hit the surface of the table, loudly, stacking the few evenly together. "The guy sucked. Interrupted me every second he could. I don't think the restaurant he picked was up to code either. Thank goodness I got the call before our food arrived." You shuddered lightly, in theatrics but also genuineness. "I'm greatly looking forward to pretending it never happened."

There was a carefree airiness within your voice - attempting to wave it off, the simple acceptance of one night gone bad - but small dismay was amongst your words.

"I'm sorry." While Aaron meant his apology wholeheartedly, he couldn't help but feel relieved, for his own selfish reasons. "But I am glad you narrowly escaped the potential food poisoning."

That pulled a laugh from you, agreeing. "But it's fine, really. I didn't want to go anyways, don't know why I did." You shrugged as you disrupted the continual, shared eye contact. While the tail end of your sentence was spoken lowly, it wasn't long lasting, picking up some enthusiasm. "How was your night going?"

"Jack and I were just settling down to watch a movie."

"Which one?"

"Shrek."

Your head tilted exasperatedly, face pulling into jealousy. "Really? How fun." You whined gently, wishing your night could have been spent with the two of them. Your preferred choice of company.

"Well, he wasn't too happy it was cut short." Aaron admitted, a loose, downhearted chuckle escaping.

"You'll make it up to him. Perhaps a multiple movie feature when we're back? Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek the Third... maybe order some pizza too." You suggested, reaching out to touch his arm reassuringly with a gentle smile. "No matter, he'll be thrilled."

Sourcing from your touch, lightning bolts dashed within his arm, feverishly. Aaron soon found himself simply studying your face, falling on the silent side. You were just, you. Extraordinarily kind, beautiful you.

"C'mon, Dave told me if I was late to the tarmac once more, he'd tell the pilot to leave and I'd have to take a commercial." You joked. Although, a small part of you feared he'd stick to his promise.

"Yeah, like I'd let that happen." He rolled his eyes, amusedly shaking his head.

The bullpen was quiet; most had gone home, the overheard lights had dimmed, the team long out of earshot. As the two of you neared the glass doors - Aaron leading - there was an urgency heightening in his chest, mere seconds away from bursting. As if each step forward, he was losing precious time. Any hesitations on the temptations he had felt for months dissolved. Now or never.

"What about you?" He asked, sweetly but timidly, finding a sudden interest in the floor.

"What about me?"

"Who's going to make it up to you?"

"Well," That caught you in a bit of surprise, your feet halting. Aaron turned, his eyes lifting. "That's a million dollar question right there. I don't see anyone lining up to take me on some extravagant outing, do you?" You forced out a laugh, your cheeks fairly blushing.

"Maybe," Aaron replied, his voice wavering with a touch of nervousness. It was rather endearing, seeing him so adorably flustered. "Perhaps the person you're looking for is right in front of you. Figuratively, at that."

A rather charmed expression formed on your face. Eyes brightening, lips pursing upwards, "Are you asking me out?"

"I'm trying." He confessed, his boyish expression just as light as yours. "So, tell me. How am I doing?"

"How about this," You spoke slowly, attempting to suppress the butterflies in your own stomach, hoping to maintain some composure within your answer. "Your next available night after your movie marathon with Jack, I'm completely and all yours."

All yours. He could get used to that.

"It's a date."

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗔 𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗗

　　　　　　　　　𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: Where Chris has the idea of doing the famous TikTok trend "fighting my girlfriend in front of my brothers" with Y/N, just to see Nick and Matt's reaction.

WARNING: Fake fighting, yelling, crying.

REQUESTED?: Yes, by anon

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

It was a typical sunny Sunday afternoon. The family of four were at home, enjoying the weekend to relax after their recent trip to Boston.

Nick and Matt were in the living room, playing video games on the big television, loud sounds of car and guns accompanied by laughter and swearing echoed through the large room; while Y/N and Chris were in the kitchen, the girl cooking lunch for them while her boyfriend was leaning against the closed refrigerator, enjoying the light cold that the stainless steel surface provided for his body.

His hands were holding his phone, where he was absentmindedly watching videos on TikTok, scrolling mindlessly, his blue eyes occasionally looking up at his girl, watching her with passionate and careful eyes.

Y/N was cutting some vegetables when Chris quickly approached out of nowhere, surprising her by suddenly touching her back, a wide smile already resting on his face.

"Babe, look at this!" The brunette shouted in a whisper, raising his right hand and resting his cell against his own palm so that the screen was facing Y/N, touching his thumb to the softly lit surface.

Y/N put down the pointy knife momentarily, focusing on the video on low volume that showed a couple pretending to fight each other over something silly in the presence of the boy's parents, apparently waiting to see the reaction of the elders. She had already watched some similar videos on her own app, vaguely remembering the new and already very known trend.

Her confused eyes looked up at her boyfriend's face after the video ended and went back to the beginning automatically, seeing him already looking back at her with a euphoric gaze.

"That's cool, baby, but what does it mean?"

Chris explained his plan in detail in a hushed tone, keeping an attentive eye to his brothers, not wanting them to see his actions.

He would go to their room to "get something" and seconds later, he would go back upstairs pretending to be furious, holding a broken mug that he would also pretend that was his favorite. He would accuse Y/N of breaking the dishes and say horrible things to her in front of Nick and Matt, all to see his brothers' reaction.

"Do you think this is a good idea? What if they take it too seriously?" Y/N watched him explain in detail, her teeth capturing her bottom lip in a light grip momentarily, feeling hesitant.

"Relax, it'll be so cool! Nick and Matt will understand when we explain it after. Plus, it'll be funny to see their reaction." Chris explained quickly, pushing his girl's right shoulder with his own before gluing his hands in a praying gesture.

After a few moments of reflection, Y/N agreed, rolling her eyes playfully at his happiness before picking up her knife again and going back to cutting the vegetables, watching from the corner of her eye as Chris opened one of the cabinets above the stove and fished a dull, white mug from the bottom of the triplets' collection.

The boy showed the piece to his girl excitedly, receiving a laugh and shaking of head as a response. He leaned slightly towards her, sealing the top of her head softly before turning around, walking in discreet steps to the stairs that led to their shared room.

It didn't take long for the sound of footsteps to be heard again, this time firmer and faster. The boy quickly went up the last steps, already getting into character. When he entered the double room, his face was red with "anger" and he held the shards of the mug tightly.

"Y/N!" He shouted, his voice echoing through the house. "Did you do this shit?" His hand, which was holding the broken mug, rose into the air, rudely showing the pieces. "You broke my favorite mug!? How could you be so careless?"

Nick and Matt, who were sitting on the couch, looked up quickly, stopping playing instantly, focusing their widened eyes on Chris. They had never seen their brother so upset, not with his girlfriend.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!"

Y/N dropped the knife on the counter with a dull thud, turning around slowly in fright, a fake expression of surprise resting on her face.

"Chris, I swear I didn't do it on purpose." The girl said, her voice slightly shaking as she raised her hands in surrender. "I was just cleaning up the mess, trying to help..."

"Help? You messed everything up! As always." Chris retorted, walking quickly towards the kitchen table and throwing the broken pieces of the mug against the wooden surface, the sound of more shattering ceramics echoing through the room. "That was my favorite mug! Do you have any idea when I got it? Years ago! You're useless, Y/N. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm still with you!"

Nick and Matt looked at each other, visibly uncomfortable and shocked. Nick shook his head, trying to understand if this was serious, while Matt bit his own lower lip, seeming to have an internal struggle between intervening or not. The sound of the video game coming from the television sounded muffled to their ears.

"C-Chris, I'm sorry, I can try to find another-"

"There's no other like it, Y/N! How could you?!" The boy growled, his features tightening more.

"Chris, hey, that's enough." Matt finally intervened, rising from his seat on the couch and approaching with cautious steps. "It's just a mug. You're overreacting."

"Overreacting? You don't understand, Matt. She always does this! Always ruins everything!" Chris continued, walking around the table and advancing towards Y/N, who took a few steps back until her back was against the counter, pretending to be scared. "Look at her! She can't even do a simple task without ruining it!"

"I'm so sorry, Chris. I didn't mean to do that..." Y/N made her bottom lip tremble slightly, forcing her own eyes to water. "Maybe it can be fixed-"

"Apologies aren't gonna fix it, Y/N! I'm sick of your messes!" He shouted as he gestured furiously, moving even closer.

Nick stood up from the couch abruptly as he saw his brother getting closer and closer to his best friend, his own fists clenched.

"Enough, Chris. I'm not going to let you talk to her like that. This is ridiculous! You're losing your temper." The oldest triplet shouted angrily, approaching Matt and glaring at Chris, who completely ignored him and continued advancing.

Matt realized within seconds that his brother wasn't going to hear Nick, sending a look towards the older triplet, who quickly shook his head. Nick approached the girl with quick steps, feeling Matt's eyes on his back, moving closer to the couple and placing himself in front of Y/N, crossing his arms firmly, his eyebrows knitting together in an angrier expression.

"Get out of the way, Nick. This is none of your business." Chris imitated his posture, crossing his arms and glaring at him, taking a quick look at his girl behind his brother, seeing her slightly wet face below the light of the room, feeling like crying himself. He hated seeing her upset.

"Oh, but it is my business, yes. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that!" Nick replied, his voice firm. "And if you scream one more time, I swear I'll shove all these mug pieces in your mouth and make you swallow them."

"You're crossing the line, Chris. It's just a mug, man. That's no reason to act like that. She's your girlfriend and a woman, have some respect, Mary Lou didn't teach you that." Matt joined Nick, nodding as he walked over as well, standing close to Y/N, casting a quick look of concern in her direction.

"How can you defend her? She broke my favorite mug due to lack of attention! I'm so sick of-" Chris's sentence was rudely interrupted by Nick, who took a step closer to him, his right hand coming up quickly and his fingers grabbing the tip of Chris's exposed ear, pulling it down hard. "Ouch! Are you fucking crazy? Nick!"

"You will see crazy if you insult my best friend one more time." Nick quickly responded, shrugging and looking down on him.

Chris held his glare for a few more seconds, his blue eyes darting from Matt - who was stroking Y/N's right shoulder lightly, asking in a hushed voice if she was okay - to Nick and back again, his ear starting to burn with pain, until he finally couldn't take it anymore and started laughing.

Y/N stopped pretending to cry and smiled, relieved, quickly wiping her face as a tearful laugh escaped her throat, jokingly pushing Matt lightly.

"Surprise!" Chris said, still laughing. "You've been pranked."

Nick and Matt broke their tense postures within seconds, Matt lowering his arms so they were straight at his sides before turning, looking at the two, confused for a moment.

"You two are such idiots!" Matt exclaimed, raising his right hand and running his fingers furiously across his face, trying to ease the tension that had settled there. "I almost had a heart attack here!"

"I really thought you were out of control, Chris." Nick said, letting go of his brother's ear, rolling his eyes at the wince the younger let out. "Don't ever do that again!"

"You almost got my ear off!" Chris exclaimed, massaging his ear and casting a look of fake horror towards his girlfriend, who laughed quietly at his reaction.

"You'll see what I'll really get off if you do that shit again. You too, Y/N." Nick pointed at the girl, receiving a look of false shock.

"It was his idea!"

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[cavegirlpoems]

A story from back when I played D&D. It might have been 3.5 or pathfinder or fantasycraft or one of that ilk. Might even have been 4e. It was like a decade ago.

So. Standard D&D. A party of bold adventurers of diverse origins and skillsets gets together to explore a perilous dungeon and stop a cartoonish baddy. The usual.

I end up building a fairly typical character for me. A goblin Rogue/Assassin. A stealth/melee build designed to get the drop on an enemy, do a bunch of rapid damage, and then fuck off.

She was lawful evil, and firmly in the team-fortress-two-sniper school of "You know who has a lot of feelings? Men what bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards." school of being a mercenary. I think I even did an aussie accent.

Anyway her schtick was that she'd noticed 'Adventurers' got to do as much violence as they wanted without social consequences, and she loved violence! So she was gonna do a stint as an adventurer, so once she was done she could go home with a big sack of gold to spend on booze and cake and hot girls. But right now she was on the job, so she was an extremely professional team player with a strict code of conduct. Always be honest with the team, follow the plan, don't mess things up for the team, split the loot evenly. Standards.

Verna was a horrible efficient little murder gremlin who was also proudly guild-certified. * * *

Now, another PC was a chaotic neutral gnome bard who was leaning hard on the 'gnomes are amusingly racist to goblins and kobolds and think this is funny and endearing' thing. He teased Verna a bunch about being green and ugly, which she studiously ignored because - remember - she had Professional Standards.

Anyway, there was a human NPC we met that she didn't like, saying he was a bit stupid and very annoying. Our gnome bard decided it would be very funny to use one of his enchantment spells to make Verna suddenly horny for him and watch what happened.

Verna sees the gnome who keeps fucking with her walk up, wave his hands and babble some arcane nonsense, and now she has weird funny feelings she can't explain. She does some thinking and concludes that she'll pay the human for a snog later, because right now this guy's just obviously cast a spell to mess with her mind, which was Not Okay. Of course, she had Professional Standards, so...

She walks up to our gnome friend and basically informs him: "Hi! I know you just did some magical brainwashing on me, and I am not going to tolerate this! However, because we're in a team together, and I don't want this to become a problem, I am going to very generously allow you to settle the matter with me. We will have a bout of single combat to first blood, and then whoever wins I will consider the matter settled and my honour satisfied, and you won't do that again, and we won't mention it. This is a very kind offer of mine, because I have Standards; where I come from the normal response would be to say nothing and strangle you in your sleep tonight."

And our gnome, who is a spellcaster not a combatant, looks at this and decides he doesn't want to get shown up by her, and basically tells her that if she doesn't like getting messed with she can go back to the goblin village, and laughs at her.

So. Shrug. Quickdraw as a free action. I get a surprise round. You're flat footed, so it's easy to hit and I get sneak attack damage. 3/4 of his health is gone. Initiative. He says he wants to say sorry. I respond that he can say that when it gets to his initiative count, but right now it's my action and he's still flat-footed and here's my big pile of d6s for sneak attack and oh dear I think that's him on -10 hp, so he's not going to get the chance.

* * *

Anyway this kicked off a massive shitstorm ooc about how I just kicked off PvP and murdered a PC for no reason and the game fell apart because the gnome's player genuinely didn't seem to understand that 'mind control' is a hostile action. This was in the bad old days before safety tools and I was playing in a fairly neckbeardy group, so 'a man makes a woman horny against her will to humiliate her and laughs about it' was apparently not a deal-breaker while 'the woman stabs him for it' was.

I still think I wasn't the bad guy in this scenario.

There is no point to this story I just wanted to share it.

[ashlinxsloves]

-AARON HOTCHNER HEADCANONS-

The promised hcs for our favourite hot dilf Aaron Hotchner 🤭 I hope you guys like them, it's gonna be a little lengthy and I've divided them between Basic, SFW Dating and NSFW.. Minors please don't interact with the nsfw content.

–Basic–

Hotch would be the type of guy who listens to classical music around the team, but once he's alone in his personal car, he has a whole collection of CDs in his glove box of his favourite bands and albums (The Beatles, etc.)

He'd also listen to audiobooks during long drives home. The genre can vary between the classics or just a light novel.

A huge overpacker. He packs the essentials during cases, but if the trip is personal, he packs almost everything – sunscreen, mosquito repellent, a map, extra batteries, a flashlight, etc. You'll never know if it might come in handy

Dad instincts are strong af, will know something is wrong before it happens

Wakes up at the crack of dawn. Became a habit after working so long in the BAU

Hotch is overall a light sleeper. Mostly because of emergencies or sudden calls from the BAU

The king of overworking. Before Haley died, he used to work so much that he got nosebleeds. He does it less now and spends more time with Jack than with paperwork.

Likes his coffee black with two teaspoons of sugar. He doesn't like it too sweet but isn't bitter either.

He most probably had a secret rockstar phase in his teens. Crazy shoulder-length hair, studded belts, band tees and EYELINER. Stopped after he became a junior in high school though.

Used to blame himself for failing to save the victims during his early years in the field. He tries to remember every person he failed to save in the past and compensate by saving more while being calm and tactful.

Spends a lot of time with Jack during the weekends. He's trying to make up for lost time after being so busy with his job than being a father. They would go on road trips, and theme parks and would do a whole lot just to see his son smile.

Hotch would unironically start drinking apple or pineapple juice after Jack just asked him to. Just for no reason at all.

He gets horrible migraines because of staying up late and not getting enough rest.

-SFW Dating-

When the two of you just started dating, he wasn't 100% sure of it because 1. your age gap (reader would be in her mid-20s) and 2. The fraternization rule in the Bureau.

The both of you kept the whole thing a secret for about four months until the team figured it out on a random Tuesday.

"I- I mean it was pretty obvious from how Hotch was hovering over you all the time and the ways his stoic face softens when he addresses you. Not to forget the way his pupils dilate-" "That's enough Reid."

When you were gonna meet Jack for the first time, you were quite nervous about it, but Aaron reassured you that he'd love you (and the little dude did).

Hotch would try to take you on dates, but it was kind of hard with your hectic schedules.

So it would usually be movie nights at his place along with some takeout dinner after putting Jack to bed.

It took Hotch a while to open up to you, but you were there to support him and he was worth the wait.

Picks you up for work and drives you home even if you told him that it was okay and you had your own car, he insisted on driving you home and seeing you get there safely.

Brings you coffee and something sweet from the cafe. It's his way of telling you he cares about you without the team teasing you after he goes into his office.

He would start to think irrationally after finding out you got hurt during a case. He wouldn't be able to think straight on the way to the hospital and blurted a mumbled 'I love you' while putting pressure onto your wound.

When you sleep over at his place, he loves seeing you wear his old college T-shirts.

Hotch thinks about Haley a lot and feels guilty for it, but you understand that she was his first love and he peppers you with soft kisses to apologize.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart... I know I shouldn't be thinking about what could have been and focus on what is.. I'll do better, I promise.."

Calls you to his office sternly as if you were in trouble but in reality, he just wants you for himself in the office for a little while.

His heart clenched yet light when Jack asked him if you were going to be his new mommy.

Pet names would be rare when it comes to him. What really matters is when he calls you by your name. But the occasional 'Sweetheart' and 'Darling' might slip out.

He shows you his unserious side. It was a whole 180 for you and it made you fall for him even more. He's an adorable dork.

Even if the two of you are dating, there's a fine line between being together behind closed doors and pure professionalism. Hotch is still your superior and there wouldn't be any special treatment even if you were his significant other.

But when he realizes he gets too rough with you he will apologize in private after the case.

His love language is quality time, so he tries to be around you and Jack as much as he can.

Cheesy pickup lines to try and make you laugh during a hard day. Only in private though.

Knows what to do when you're on your period. He'll bring a heating pad, warm fuzzy blankets, your favourite snacks and painkillers.

NSFW UNDER THE CUT MINORS DNI!!!

-NSFW Dating-

• The sex is incredible. Hotch knows all the right places to hit and how to give you a godly amount of orgasms.

• He starts out slow, letting you get used to the stretch and how much he's filling you up. You can practically feel his cock in your throat from how full you feel.

• Gentle feather-like kisses on your forehead, telling you how good you feel around him while starting to move his hips at a quicker pace.

• From slow, gentle thrusts, it changes into something more primal and rough. As if he were lashing out all his frustrations from work into your tight, little pussy, trying to fuck you into next week.

• And he does it well. He fucks you senseless until you're coming on his cock multiple times before he finishes and spills his cum into the condom he's wearing.

• He just loves fucking you in the missionary position, because he sees how your face contorts in pleasure.

• The first time the two of you slept together was at your place after a really stressful case and the two of you had a drink too many.

• Obviously, Hotch was still a bit sober but you were out of it. He wouldn't do anything without your consent, but you had dragged him into your bedroom and things got heated.

• Bruised your cervix one too many times. The two of you rarely have any sex but if you do, you go all out. He apologises with an amazing bath and breakfast in bed.

• Amazing aftercare. He'll take care of you after the both of you are done, even if he's tired. He'd always clean you up, get you a glass of water and press soft kisses on your shoulders. Cuddling and whispered confessions under messy sheets.

• Not a big fan of having sex in public spaces. He needs privacy when he's trying to fuck and pleasure you.

• But he does know about the dirty fantasies you have about getting fucked on his desk. He's seen the books read and articles you look up. Not like you could've hidden it from him anyway.

• He fulfills those fantasies to the best of his capabilities when no one's left in the office and it's just the two of you. He looks through the last of his files, calls you to his office and closes the door.

• His tie was loose, sleeves rolled up, revealing his forearms. His hair was slightly dishevelled as if he ran his fingers through them multiple times.

• Hotch makes you suck his cock until you're gagging, being a little rougher on you. Then he got you splayed on his desk, pushing your pencil skirt up and ripping your stockings by the crotch area.

• When he noticed how wet you got, he smirked, moving the gussets of your panties to the side. He then flicked your sensitive clit, making you whimper as slick gushed out your weeping hole.

• “You like this, don't you, sweetheart? Lying on my desk, messing up my paperwork with your slutty pussy?”

• He's not the type to degrade you, but if you really wanted to he would. But he wouldn't go too far with the insults.

• He's a switch. Since he's usually dominant in most of his everyday life, Hotch lets you take over once in a while.

• Loves going down on you. He likes loosening your tight hole with his mouth and savours the taste of your essence on his tongue.

• Hotch goes weak when you go down on him even if he doesn't ask you to. Praises and soft grunts.

• Isn't the type to be loud. Mostly pants and let's out soft groans when your pussy convulses around his shaft.

• Loves hearing you whine his name and complain how deep he is.

• Once he saw you looking at a site involving different positions, but the one that piqued his interest the most was the mating press.

• Was curious and wanted to try it with you. Hotch was too riled up to put on a condom that night and filled you up to the brim, having you pressed into the mattress, your calves over his shoulders as he buried himself deeper, hitting so many new places that it made you see white.

That's all for now, I hope you liked it 🤭🤭🤭