#don't fall for the scams guys

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Please be careful sharing requests for money. I'm seeing more and more people falling victim to predatory asks.

Some things to consider:

Mistagging an ask for donations with fandom tags that have nothing to do with it goes against Tumblr ToS. Tags are filling up with tragic stories that are irrelevant to those tags. Whether they're real or fake, no one should be jumpscared by tragedy. Tag appropriately.

Sharing a con only emboldens more con artists to do the same thing. It also marks you as gullible, and your url could get picked up more bots trying to squeeze you for sympathy and cash.

Posting a request for donations without verifying and donating yourself is not activism. It's irresponsible to your followers/mutuals and only helps the scammers.

I've received at least twenty different requests in the past week alone. They come in batches, a few within minutes of each other, not organically like humans would send. Most of them are worded differently, but some have been worded identically, even though they come from separate named blogs. These are not real people.

If you see an adult ask a child they don't know for help, be suspicious. An adult should never need to ask a child to take on some sudden responsibility. They're after something else, and they're just trying to gain trust first. So I'm suspicious when I see a sudden influx of supposed asks for help and money coming to tiny little Tumblr blogs. This is Tumblr. No one here has money, or reach. We don't do that here.

These tragic asks in your inbox are a scam. Report it as spam - because it is spam - delete it, and move on with your day.

[anormalkidingotham]

if you see someone selling a roughly palm-sized piece of batman's cape online, DON'T BUY IT!!! it's a fake made by my neighbor and it's literally just a piece of an old shirt, i saw him cut it up and take the pictures

[carciinogen]

OK. so. I've been in End-O'-School Crunchtime for the last few months, which is why some of you may noticed I haven't been posting much recently. Due to finals, prepping for the end of school, and being generally lacking in sleep, I've been pretty damn drained as of late. But do not fret! School for yours truly gets out sometime Next week, meaning some delicious morsels of art, writing, and other general shenanigans may follow!

OH, unrelated sidenote before I forget: Happy Wriggling Day to my favorite cantankerous alien (Karkat Vantas)!!

[rosesradio]

.

[pa-pa-plasma]

i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal

[atricksterproblem]

.

[schoolhater]

Help Bilal's Family Survive!

After Bilal @bilal-salah0 reached his goal on August 1st, he contacted me to let me know that, because the Rafah crossing is still bombed and closed, he can't actually use the funds to evacuate his family right away. The funds have since been redirected toward the skyrocketing cost of living in Gaza.

His family now has to raise another €30,000 as soon as possible to sustain themselves before the Rafah crossing opens, which could be as soon as next week for all we know.

My post celebrating Bilal getting close to his original GFM goal has over 7,000 notes, yet Bilal is only bringing in €20 every hour or so, which is a sharp decline from his previous momentum.

Bilal is still struggling with his own housing insecurity in Germany and the looming threat of deportation. Despite this horror, he's put the work in to vet a handful of fundraisers, promote fundraisers, and call out scams for us. He is simply too busy to campaign for his family on his own.

I encourage everyone to donate to Bilal's family and share his campaign with people you know on other social media platforms. You can repost any of the art people have made for him and share the pictures on his gofundme.

Bilal is a valuable member of our community! Please don't let him fall through the cracks!

verification source (no. 132 on el-shab-hussein/nabulsi's sheet)

current progress: €70,827 / €100,000

tagging for reach, DM me if you'd like to be removed from this list:

@timetravellingkitty @meaganfoster @briarhips @mazzikah @mahoushojoe 

@rhubarbspring @schoolhater @pcktknife@transmutationisms@sawasawako 

@feluka @terroristiraqis @irhabiya @commissions4aid-international @wellwaterhysteria 

@deepspaceboytoy @post-brahminism @junglejim4322 @kibumkim @neechees 

@mangocheesecakes @kyra45-helping-others @marnota @7bitter @tortiefrancis 

@toiletpotato @fromjannah @omegaversereloaded @vague-humanoid @criptochecca 

@aristotels @komsomolka @neptunerings @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @heritageposts 

@ot3 @amygdalae @ankle-beez@communistchilchuck @dykesbat 

@watermotif @stuckinapril @violentrevolution @mavigator @lacecap 

@socalgal @chilewithcarnage @ghelgheli @sayruq @northgazaupdates2

@decolonize-the-left @bisexualpositivity @arty-cakes @closet-keys @assad-zaman

@claudeleine @killy @heritageposts @beanlightbibblekeepflickbeanboss @ixzotica

@realitycanbewhateveridesire @avifromaplaceofcaring @abyssbirds @maruxee @merricat-3

@tedious-insanity @budgies-in-blue @bandedbulbussnarfblat @emeraldinerosefaedragon @mothalaalee

@mere-glim @patantasma @dreamcaster-jelly @fuzzy-little-wormi-guy @salty-mush-soup

@leviticus101st @yamino @a-wild-louser-appears @kn1ghtraine @vhstape

@whatthe4355 @ehksidian @lyunarium @sunpdf @mytinystay @lopiditty

@illiterate-words @aphicius @shrimpkidd @megabullz @unknown-lifeform

@mindfulruminate @nibbelraz @beasaintgermain @fluffykitty149 @tododeku-or-bust

@littlestpersimmon @wayneradiotv @windwake-me-up-inside @flamagenitus @little-big-batbag

@chamiryokuroi @alliumduorpf @sunlitmcgee @fanficphoenixed @ourflagmeansdeath

[fortheammonites]

Falling for scams does hurt people, actually

TW: Human trafficking, SA, torture, discussion of scam farms

I see a whole bunch of people arguing that they would rather risk giving to a scammer than ignore someone's gofundme. I also see people saying things like "I can't believe some sick people are profiteering off genocide" and like, me neither, but I feel like you guys really don't understand who actually runs these kinds of scams and what they are.

Scams of noticeable scale-- like scam asks being sent from hundreds of accounts to every user on Tumblr!-- are typically related to organised crime in poor countries, not Susan from Milwaukee who wants a new coat and has no scruples. People get trafficked by gangs to scam farms in Asia and Africa where they're worked to the bone and tortured trying to get idiots in wealthy countries to part with their money. Genocide profiteering is pretty much the least evil thing these people do.

Here's a UN article on it. Obvious warnings for content related to human trafficking and SA.

When you donate to a scammer, you fund these organisations and give them a reason to exist. It's possible some of the fundraisers are legit. I honestly find it unlikely given I'm not seeing any from any other countries where urgent fundraisers would seem to have great reason to exist but which haven't captured the same level of attention on Tumblr-- the number of Sudanese, Congolese, Ukrainian, Burmese or Uyghur fundraisers in my DMs is a fat 0. In any case, there are safer ways to help.

If you want to help (which is great!) you don't have to take the risk of paying for human trafficking. Donate to legitimate charities which have the resources to safely and effectively ensure the money and help is getting to the right people. Funding human trafficking rings in Myanmar is not a good risk to be taking while trying to help.

[gremlingottoosilly]

Bimbo!Reader who has been trying to hide the fact she can't do math or barely count to Konig

Konig is a nerd. Did well in his classes whenever he could just do shit on his own without having to sit still and give public speeches. He considers himself quite smart, too - he has to, in his position. As the colonel, as blurry as the lines in mercenary forces are, he has to be strategic not only in terms of battle but also in logistics and math, especially with counting the budget his forces had. He wouldn't say he likes to do math problems in his free time, but it's not that much of a problem - and it's easier than relying on secretaries and lower officers who love to chat too much. So, when you were excitedly telling him everything about that new, coolest sale on your favorite clothing brand, Konig asked just how much you were saving on the deal. Maybe 20 or even 30 percent - would be a nice deal, right? He gave you money and gifts, but it's nice to see you being conscious about prices and... Ah. You told him the price before, then the price after sale - and Konig could barely contain his groan. It was nothing, you'd barely save anything and would just fall for the marketing tactics. Don't even get him started at the girl math, he is too old for this shit. You tried to explain to him how buying 3 more things for the sake of free delivery is good, but paying for delivery is bad - and it was the first time he ever regretted getting himself a pretty, but really dumb girlfriend.

You're trying your best to appear smarter - honestly, Konig likes it, appreciating the way you're trying to be smart for him, but he would much rather you admit your utter inability to count than have to snatch the cards away from your hands and only give you a very certain amount of money so you won't get scammed. Maybe, if you're a good girl and pay him with kisses, he might give you a bigger allowance...but honestly, he stopped giving you his card not because he didn't like you spending so much money, but because you were too oblivious about the prices. He wants to buy you nice things, he doesn't want you to spend hundreds on useless things just because you didn't count the price right! Konig pops a boner so fucking fast when you call him smart, though...poor guy is going to go crazy because a pretty girl complimented him for his brains, and now he is going to fuck your brains out because why the hell not, he wants to hear you squeal around his cock.

[daedrabela]

Hello there! I hope you’re having a lovely day, just wanna reach out in hopes if I could get some help for Geo’s (my cat) situation if its okay, I know this might come totally strange, you can just ignore if its not fine with you. But if you’d consider, please help by reblogging/boosting it so that we can gain more traction. :( im sorry if im being desperate, pls send me a msg to reply or answer the ask privately. 😭🙏❤️

absolutely fucked that you're still doing this

[danwhobrowses]

Hi. I saw you interacted with a trending tumblr post, and I want to give you a heads-up that there is a pet medical bill scammer who is targeting people who interact with these posts. Their current urls are @lxve, @imse7en, and @march-pls-be-good. This scammer tends to cold-message people they find in trending posts, with a request to reblog their pinned post - a fundraiser that has pictures they stole from someone else, with a paypal whose thru-link leads to "PH" (Philippines), and a request for people to only send through Paypal's unprotected friends and family option. These blogs are also mere hours or days old. If you receive an ask similar to this:

“Hi! I hope you’re doing well and safe! Just wanted to ask if you dont mind, can I ask help for my dog’s current situation please? We really need an urgent help, reblogging/boosting it would definitely us a ton! I pinned the post on my blog, hope you’d consider even though I know this might come really strange, im sorry for being so desperate 😭😭 pls send me a msg to reply or answer the ask privately 🙏🙏”

It is most certainly a scam. For a full psa on the scammer, there is a post here. There is a full list of scammer red flags unique to tumblr here. Someone is tracking the scammer's new blogs on a dedicated blog here. That's all. Have a lovely day.

I wouldn't send paypal stuff to strangers anyway but good to know, replying mainly so nobody else gets caught out

Scammers are indeed finding new ways to try and trick people, one impersonated my great aunt on facebook asking me to sign up to some weird religious page I'd have to pay into, the reluctance to take a polite No was the final tell that it was a hack.

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

When They're Drunk| Maknae Line

Their drunk shenanigans Warnings: Mentioning of alcohol (obviously), Slight suggestion in Seungmin's

Hyungline

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Han|

You internally cringed as you saw another innocent pedestrian about to cross your path.

You reached out to grab Han before he started to head over but it was too late.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" He said waving to the old man.

Bless the grandpa's heart as he adjusted his hearing aid and prepared to tune into Han.

"Baby leave him-"

"THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND Y/N!! ISN'T SHE SO PRETTY!!" He exclaimed excitedly gesturing towards you. "And she's really nice and funny! And when she laughs too hard sometimes she snorts and sounds like a pig!" He shares, bouncing on his toes with a surprising amount of poise considering how plastered he was at the moment.

He spotted another couple walking and made his way over.

"OHMAGOSH HI! YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER! HAVE YOU SEEN MY GIRLFRIEND? WE'RE CUTE TOGETHER TOO!" He motions you over and you feel extremley embarassed as Han goes into detail about the uneven pitch you use when singing to the soundtracks of Disney movies while cleaning around the house and "How friggin adorable" it is.

This continues all the way to the guys dorms.

Every single time Han sees a person he just has to inform them that you are his girlfriend and he is completely head over heels for you.

You step into a convenient store just a block away from the house to pick up some hangover medicine, orange juice and Han's favorite brand of popsicles for the morning after a long night out.

He ends up wandering away for a second and you decide to pay for everything first and then go to find Han.

You find him sitting outside with the owners of the stores son, talking his ear off as he finished up an assignment you assumed was due in a few hours considering the lightening sky.

"See! Look! There she is! The girl I was telling you about? She's my girlfriend!"

The kid took a sip from his milk.

"I have a girlfriend too! Does your girlfriend like watching cartoons too?"

Han shakes his head. "My girlfriend is too smart for cartoons, she likes watching crime documentaries."

"Oh." The kid said ripping open a package of sweet bread and then tearing a piece off for Han. "Does she like playing Roblox."

Han nods. "Yeah sometimes she scams kids on there with one of my best friends!" He says as he bites into the bread. "Buh ond haima mahy fer!" He says with a full mouth.

You chuckle and go to grab your boyfriend. "Now what did you say?" You manage to laugh out as you pull him up.

"I said one day I'm gonna marry you!" He exclaimed as he waved bye to the kid.

"Are you now?"

"Yep! So then I can tell everyone you're my wife." He said his eyebrows wiggling.

"I'm hoping you mean you'll tell everyone I'm your wife when your sober-"

You don't even finish your sentence when you spot Han frolicking over towards his next victim of oversharing.

You resolve to not even try to stop him.

(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)

Felix|

You tucked Felix in and placed a cold bottle of water next to him on the coffee table. Jisung was in the inflatable bed on the other side of the room passed out and snoring next to Jeongin - both of the boys falling asleep the minute they had hit their pillows. The other guys were sprawled out in various places in your childhood home. Chan sleeping on the cool tile floor at the entrance of the kitchen.

This was all due to the excessive amount of alcohol the boys had consumed. You had decided to bring them to your home in America, and they had seen a cute little Mexican restaurant while driving towards your home and wanted to eat there for dinner.

You immediately said yes because it had always been your favorite place to go. Birthdays, graduations, baby showers - your 21st birthday. The owner's son worked for a place that distributed tequila, so the number of margaritas - and a variety of them as well - that the restaurant sold was always a motivation to go.

And once the boys tried one, they couldn’t stop.

The amount of margaritas that had been downed by them was slightly concerning - especially considering they weren’t used to drinking cocktails with such high ABV.

Felix looked up at you and smiled softly, his freckles highlighted by the lamp next to the arm of the couch.

“You sleepy?” You whispered as you moved a few strands of hair out of your boyfriend’s face.

He nodded. “I have to go to sleep. So I can make you brownies tomorrow.”

You chuckled and stared lovingly at him, gently poking a few of his freckles. 

“We can make them later in the day, you can sleep in.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t sleep in. I want to see everything.”

“We’ll be here for two weeks, Lix. And I already planned tomorrow as a rest day for everyone to get over jet lag. My mom is making brunch so you don’t have to get up until at least 12.”

Felix shakes his head. “No…I have to make brownies tomorrow.” He mumbles. He opens his brown eyes and smiles. 

You laugh. “Why tomorrow?”

“Because I’m gonna marry you.” He says quietly. “ I’m gonna put your ring in a brownie. And I don't want to wait. So I have to do it tomorrow."

You paused the gentle caresses of his face and he closed his eyes his lips quivering softly.

“I ruined your surprise.” He says his voice breaking quietly. “Are you mad?” His warm brown eyes searched your face for any sign of anger; but it was void of anything but utter lovesickness.

You let out a breathless laugh. “No of course not. I can’t wait either.”

“Does that mean you'll say yes?” He asks quietly, his eyes getting droopy with sleep.

“Y-” You’re answer is interrupted by a loud snore coming from Seungmin and Hyunjin letting out a whimper.

“Y/N my head hurts, can I have medicine?” He whines quietly.

“Yes.” You answer- both to Hyunjin and your sleeping angel of a boyfriend.

(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)

Seungmin|

"Seungmin get that glass away from your mouth." You groaned as you snatched a Spongebob shot glass from your boyfriend's hand. On your first date back home you had taken him to the mall and he had strolled into a store that had sold everything from t-shirts and hats to shot glasses and other...adult things.

"SeUnGmIn gEt tHat GlAsS aWay FrOm yOur MoUtH." He mocked as he sat on the couch and pouted.

"Babe you've had a lot to drink. And you have nothing in your stomach. You're a mess."

His reply was quick. "You're a mess because I'm not in your stomach."

You turn around and Seungmin had a confident smirk on his face, although what he just said didn't make too much sense realistically.

Seungmin was rarely ever flirty. When you had started your relationship you had told Seungmin you wished to stay abstinent until you married him. Which you were sure of doing. Seungmin had quickly agreed; but with that agreement he was always careful with the way he flirted and joked because he didn't wish to bring you any discomfort.

You chuckled and went a leand down in front of Seungmin.

"Hmm? Really?" You cooed.

Seungmin gave you a sultry look and pulled you on top of him. His lips made contact all along your face and he slowly brought them down to your jawline.

"Mmm." He continued kissing your neck and you smiled as you stroked his hair. "I love you so much. I want you so bad."

You laughed as Seungmin's kisses came to halt, and he quickly but carefully removed you from his lap and rushed to the bathroom.

You followed him soon after because you heard him wailing.

"Minnie baby whats wrong?" You whispered as you sat with him on the bathroom floor.

"I-I-I took ad-advantage of y-you. You wanted to-to wait and I-I..." He wasn't able to finish his sentence before he leaned over the toilet seat and started to heave.

Although it was barely useful since there wasn't much for him to actually throw up.

"Minnie baby you didn't take advantage of me. I fully took part in flirting with you too. And just because I don't want to have sex at the moment doesn't mean I don't want to flirt with you like that. I just don't want the full on intimacy yet."

You stroked Seungmin's hair, and waited for him to feel better.

"Just to make sure it's not because I'm ugly right?" He asked plainly looking at you dead in the eye.

You sputter out a laugh. "No of course not! I think you're so fine it actually concerning." Seungmin hmmed and rested his head against your chest. "Its just my personal preference to wait." You assured him.

He sighs and nods. "Okay just wanted to make sure." He stated as he lifted the Spongebob shot glass up to his mouth again quickly dowing the contents before you could tell him not to or snatch it way again.

"Kim Seungmin! I thought I told you no more tonight!" You said, referring to his drinking activties.

"You'll be telling me that a lot more once we're married." He pulls himself up on his two feet and wobbles slightly.

Then a shit eating grin plasters itself on his face.

"I'm just telling you right now I suck at listening."

(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)

Jeongin |

You walked into the guys' dorm and saw Jeongin crying on the ground. 

“What's wrong?” You asked Felix as you slipped off your shoes, and into a pair of slippers Chan had purchased for you once you and the maknae of the group had started dating.

“He’s drunk.”

You hung up your coat and frowned. “He doesn’t usually get this way though.”

“That’s because he saw a picture of your boyfriend.” Minho commented, trying to suppress a laugh as he took a sip from his glass, and continued watching Jeongin flail on the ground with all the other boys.

“M-Mi-Minho Hyung s-stooooo-stoooo-sttooppp.” Jeongin barely managed to say through his choked sobs. You looked over at Chan in concern but he was crying from laughter, barely able to keep his phone in the same upright position as the rest of the members.

Jeongin was never going to live this down.

“But he's my boyfriend.? You say in confusion.

Hyunjin is on the ground with Jeongin scrolling through his photos.

“Look Jeongin- this is Y/N and her boyfriend at the award ceremony. He thanked her while he was on stage and she was sooooo happy about it. And she even joined him and his band for dinner.”

“Sh-she-she didddddd?” Jeongin cries out with a heartbreaking pout on his eyes focused on the picture Hyunjin was showing.

Of you and Jeongin.

“Yep. And they even shared a piece of cake. Specifically strawberry cheesecake.”

Jeongin starts to sniffle again, and then hiccup and the water works began once more.

“Y/N lovesss stra-strawb-berry cheesecakkeeeee.” He whined loudly, his sobs almost loud enough to overpower the laughter in the room.

You can’t help but laugh as you go to make your way towards your boyfriend, who has snot running down his face.

You wipe it away with the sleeve of a hoodie he gifted you and shush him.

"Innie its okay don’t cry.” You giggled as you cleaned up his face. His narrow eyes were puffy and sad but still unrealistically beautiful.

“But Y/N ha-has a boy-boy-boy-friendddddd. And he-he looks so so hand-ndsome she’ll never-never leave himmmm.” He cries out again, letting out a strangled sob that sounded strangely ogreish. "He-he's like SO se-sexy!" He chokes.

You laugh at Jeongin's unknowing drunk narcissism.

“Baby, you’re right. You are very handsome and sexy and I’ll never leave you.” You chuckled along with the rest of the guys as Jeongin’s cries suddenly came to an abrupt halt and he stared at you with watery eyes. He then turned towards Hyunjin and grabbed his phone, putting it close to his face, like a child with a tablet and he hiccuped.

“Oh wait that's me." He murmurs as he stares at the screen intently and zooming in on both of your smiling faces. "Y/N look at you you look so pretty!” He hiccuped once more as he turned Hyunjin’s phone towards you. A smile on his face - a complete 180 from 30 seconds ago.

The members were saving their videos.

“He’s never living that down.” Channie says as he slips his phone into his pocket.

You laugh and Jeongin continues to stare at the phone his lips turning downwards, the bottom one starting to tremble and Jeongin’s hiccups and breathes coming more rapidly.

“Baby whats wrong?” You asked as he clutched his hyung’s phone in his hand.

“I-I-I’m Y/N’s bo-boyfriend…b-b-but-but I’m not her h-husbanddddd.” He threw his arms around you and this time his cries were twice as loud as his fellow band members hit their record buttons again.

[yan-randomfandom]

Yandere!Stanley Pines x GN!Reader

warnings: yandere behavior, stalking, drugging

Yandere headcanons for our Grunkle Stan! Old men amirite haha 😔 [not edited] Aaaaaand here's a Stanford Pines version

Stan is just so, so lonely. If he already felt alone when his father kicked him out, imagine how he felt when his brother gets pulled to a different dimension.

So when you showed up, so full of entertainment and fight, that's when he realizes he needs you.

This guy is protective. Possessive. He has so little important people in his life. You can't abandon him too.

You have what he's searching for in crowds. What the entirety of the folks in Gravity Falls can't give him.

You make him feel like he's worth it.

Have you seen that one episode where Stanley drugs the viewer? He is not above drugging someone into unconciousness.

But he won't directly tell you he did that, of course not. You probably just fell asleep or something. You're tired from all the work.

He'll do whatever it takes to keep you in the Mystery Shack. The good news is that he's not that insane to lock you up. He just loooves quality time.

Although he'll hire people (for cheap) to keep an eye on you. For your safety! Even sometimes tell Dipper and Mabel to do that, and they think he's simply being cute.

A professional scam artist who's so skilled in deceiving people. You're not an exception. In fact, he uses it to his advantage. He has broken the law many times and will especially continue to do it for you.

But, you're not stupid. You question him sometimes to which he brushes you off.

Other than that, though, he's definitely touch-starved. He hides the fact so well that you don't even notice it... probably. His desparation might actually slip off his mask.

Speaking of... he turns all soft and mushy when you put your hands on him.

Please take care of him. He'll take care of you.

Don't leave.

He needs you.

[aha-chuu]

Here's the thing. "Renheng but Blade is immortal and nothing goes wrong" goes totally against the themes set up in HSR. But it's so fucking funny.

So, Dan Feng loves Yingxing whatever. They decide to make Yingxing immortal together and then BAM no one finds out (so no big crime to be arrested for) but there's two ways to play it. Either they have to slowly gaslight everyone into believing YX was a long life species this whole time, or they have to somehow pretend this is not YX, this is some other 100% naturally immortal dude and Dan Feng just has the Most specific type ever, to the point that he basically got his exes twin but immortal with a cooler haircut.

And with the gaslighting idea - I think it could work. No one's gonna notice that YX isn't aging for at least a few years, probably more since everyone they know is long-life and they likely have a warped perception of how regular aging works. So DF & YX just gotta wait like 5-10 years, slowly dropping hints that "oh yeah can't wait till our 150th anniversary!!" And Jing Yuan is like "... Hmm is that normal? That's probably normal?".

Cos also. Who's gonna mention it? Like it's gonna take so long for anyone to notice, is Jingliu gonna eventually sit them down like "you did a big sin didn't you" and then YX and DF just play dumb: "what??? Jingliu what are you on about? Is Mara eating all your memories of YX definitely being immortal this whole time?" So that's not good for Jingliu's mental health but whatever.

Anyway so Dan Feng and Yingxing have successfully scammed everyone but DF is still definitely the High Elder and absolutely no one wants him to be dating this guy. Also the dragon heart is missing cos it's in YX's chest and surely the Preceptors would check up on that? Like a renewal service? Some sort of 200-year check-up? Does DF have to take his bf with him so the aura is nearby? It's just a game of "how dumb are these guys?" Until all those preceptors reincarnate into ones who DF can convince "oh no the High Elder is supposed to give the dragon heart to their beloved. Yeah it's a ritual. Oh the immortality uh no Yingxing had that forever obviously".

Eventually YX is gonna get stabbed and he's definitely more immortal than everyone else. More gaslighting ensues probably, cos otherwise it's like?? He's just an abundance monstrosity (Jingliu is seeing red rn) and Jing Yuan has sussed it out at this point but yknow he likes YX; he prefers him being alive than dead. Jingliu is gonna stab YX for being an undying monstrosity and JY steps in - "nooo don't you know I mean ig your parents never told you but if uhhhh you suck enough dragon dick this is totally normal -" and anyway Sanctus Medicus get a lil fetishy sex crazed from that conspiracy theory.

Then later DF has to be reborn which is sad, but I like to think YX just takes like. A gap year from their relationship. He's a divorced old man he deserves a mid life crisis while DH gets the "plss don't fall in love this idiot guy again" speech from the other Vidyadhara but it's working like reverse psychology, DH is all "pshh I'm way too put-together for that!!" And anyway YX is still a hot piece of ass so DH fails immediately.

One day DH gets a dream memory about the whole sinning part of their relationship and has to come to terms with That™ meanwhile YX is sipping a mimosa while he's having a moral dilemma. "No babe it's fine it's like. Yeah it is a hellish sin but it's cute that you're so worried about it. No they can't try us for crimes we did so long ago don't worry" meanwhile JY is still dealing with the paperwork nightmare from YX's birth certificate definitely not being that of a long-life person's but ehh.

Basically fluffy unproblematic renheng where no one gets amnesiaed or tortured is great and good even if it laughs in the face of canon.

[paymechildsupport]

ᴛᴇᴀᴄʜᴇʀ!Ryomen Sukuna x M!ʀᴇɪɴᴄᴀʀɴᴀᴛᴇᴅ!Reader //“𝗠𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲..?”

Request, @zxuii

--- "HI HIII first off, i love your writing style, i actually adore it lol. Second I want to request Teacher!Sukuna x Male!reader that was also a sorcerer from the heian era, a powerful one who gets jealous quite often of the attention Sukuna gets since back in the Heian era the only ones who where close enough to Sukuna was reader and Uraume (Unless Uraume didn't exist in this AU or smth happened) so a lot of fights between them break through since Sukuna isn't good with communication either. You can decide if you want this too be Angst in general or paired with something else i don't mind!! :))"

((I love this <3))

-!! M!Reader (he / him)

-!! Wee bit of angst (he's just a saucy boy) + goofy kinda smut (dunno what kind of style it's called lol)

-!! stuff ain't proofread 🥶

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

･・❥・---------------------------------------------------------------･・❥・

Sukuna remembers you vividly from the past; from that time 1000 years ago. How could he forget? Such a flamboyant character, – power exuded with every step, the earth seeming to shake with every fall of your foot. A wandering swordsman: a rather powerful sorcerer who curiously didn’t belong to any one clan. You’d spend your days traversing the earth, sleeping in the empty shrines near villages, taking commissions and odd jobs from just about everyone– human or not. 

Sukuna found it odd how you didn’t align yourself with the standard belief of sorcerers: you were benevolent to cursed spirits like him, you didn’t have the sudden impulse to exorcize, to destroy. Perhaps it was your lack of loyalty to a clan, or the fact that curses could offer prices just as good– if not better, than humans. Either way, it was quite interesting when you crossed paths for the first time; him, the terrifying, all powerful King of Curses, – four arms and two grotesque faces, towering over you, a humble traveler, – and you just stood there, – smiling, at him, – the rumored monster of Ryomen Sukuna. 

He was absolutely astounded, – had this guy not an ounce of fear? The singlest shred of self-preservation? You should be screaming– running, – begging at his feet for mercy, – not making small talk 

“Nice weather, huh?”

“Excuse me? It’s pouring” 

“Oh, I hadn’t noticed 😋” 

He could sense a staggering amount of cursed energy from you, much more than the average sorcerer– let alone human. 

“Nice jugs btw” 

“???” 

Bud was flabbergasted – he could only watch you walk away with a big grin on your face. Later that evening he had to bring it up to Uruame, who was cooking up the latest harvest of human bones: 

“He said you had a nice chest.” 

“Huh, usually one would think to say that to a woman–” 

“Perhaps the sorcerer thought you were a woman”

“What.” 

Ever since he’s had an affinity for you, a fascination… an obsession. He needed to know everything about you, – your goal, your motives, your desires, your deepest and darkest of fears, – the most depraved of thoughts of this strange sorcerer who had the gaul to compliment his chest like he was some kind of street whore. 

He ran into you the next day at the same village, just as you were about to leave. You acted so nonchalant, like he was just another acquaintance, it was truly fascinating and… dare Sukuna say, endearing. He initially went there to kill you for your audacity from yesterday, yet he ended up only shit-talking the village folk wit you, – the old swordsmith who swore there were devils living in his chimney, - the old woman by the creek who was rumored to drown passerbys in the water next to her tiny abode, - the sleezy thug of a priest who thought it was funny to scam you for cleaning his shrine free of charge (whom Sukuna ended up gutting shortly afterwards). The curse was left to, yet again, return back to Uruame with new rantings of you

(just let them cook in peace 😭)

The next day, a band of those pesky Zenin showed up, – and Sukuna thought the opps were on him again. Turns out, not only were you not apart of any specific clan, but you were also quite unpopular with a majority of sorcerer society. After finding out, Sukuna couldn’t help but rush to your aid, determined to cleave the gang of sorcerers in half for trying to harm such an interesting specimen of his. Imagine his utmost surprise to find them not only beat upon his arrival, but diced up and dead on the forest floor, too. 

He was beyond impressed: a seeming clanless nobody such as yourself had chopped down about a dozen of one of the most powerful sorcerers of the time. You saw him staring from afar, waving and flashing that stupidly charming smile of yours. Sukuna couldn’t help but invite you back with him, the dozen dead bodies in tow 

Uruame cooked up a mighty fine dinner that night, one the three of you enjoyed together (yum, human flesh). From that day on you were part of the gang: you, Sukuna, and Uruame. Most days you would be off for up to months at a time, simply doing your own thing, going town to town. Whenever you’d run into your good pal as he was burning down the latest village you’d make sure to have a nice catch up over a warm meal (cooked by Uruame)

You and Uruame got along, – they liked the fact that you could often cook together, Sukuna– being useless as shit in the kitchen – was barred from helping lest he incinerate everything 

But alas, you were mortal, fickle; temporary, – and no sooner did you come into his existence were you cruelly ripped from him, – finally effectively jumped and killed. 

Sukuna almost couldn’t believe it: you never lost- you weren’t supposed to lose, but you did. You fought valiantly, taking an impressive number down with you. In the skirmish, Uruame disappeared, Sukuna was reduced almost to dust,-- miraculously he survived, albeit incredibly weak. They sealed a majority of his power away in his severed fingers. 

Now, weakened immeasurably and down a pair of arms, – momentarily without his chef and darling sorcerer, Sukuna had a change in heart

No longer did he want to be the bad guy, he wanted to be good, to help others, – to help the future of jujutsu sorcery (nah, that’s some bullshit, he just wanted to continue being fed, and he could only be if he became a teacher in sorcery, lol) 

—----

Flash forward to modern day… 

—---

Seeing you once again, reborn, was a complete whiplash for Sukuna. 

You recognized him immediately, obviously, – he was your man after all <3 (even if he denied it) 

Poor baby had to physically restrain himself when he saw you back to kicking ass as a modern day jujutsu sorcerer, having not changed an ounce since he last remembered you

You miss his four arms, – almost more than Sukuna did. It disappointed Sukuna to see you disappointed with his lack of arm power. Still, he only needed two arms to absolutely destroy you--

After the incident with Yuji Itadori accidentally consuming one of his fingers (which made Sukuna livid– blud has been sweating and grinding to get those fingers back, and to find out some random goofy ahh kid decided to munch on one? And they wanna give him MORE??) – Sukuna has been absorbed more than ever into his work. 

You adore his students, – especially Megumi, Nobara and Yuji – (much to Sukuna’s dismay) and oftentimes will stop by his lessons just to bug him in front of them 

You were still the same insufferable charmer as before, shamelessly batting your eyes and making crude comments to catch him off guard: 

“Hey cutie ;) “ 

“Hell do you want” he sneers, “wish to be my example for today’s lesson?” 

“Nah, just passing by, – those pants make your ass look fat by the way” 

“What.”

“Toodles !!” 

It infuriated him, much to your delight 

It was different now, back then it was just you and him, Uruame bearing the only witness to your shenanigans. But when you say those things in front of those brats, – the same brats who were taught to fear and despise his kind, who were suppose to be intimidated by him, – it makes his job of maintaining the tough, snide “King of Curses” just that much harder 

Yuji, with all the time he spent with Sukuna as his main mentor, would ask about you frequently: what you were like 1,000 years ago. Whether it was the nostalgia or purely the fact it was you, – talking about it always softened Sukuna’s grueling and harsh belittling. Poor Yuji could only catch a break when Sukuna started saying “Back in my day..”

“Sukuna-sensei?”

“What, brat?” Sukuna paused, casting an unimpressed glare over his shoulder 

Yuji propped his head onto a fist, leaning on the desk in front of him. The empty classroom was dimming with the setting sun, the vibrant colors that always made Sukuna wanna barf invaded through the windows from the sunset, painting the empty classroom a colorful ombre, 

“You said that odd man who likes to hang around you was around 1,000 years ago, right?” 

Sukuna’s eyebrows scrunch in annoyance, “Yes, and?” 

“What was he like? Does he act the same as all those years ago? How’d he get reborn? What was your relationship like?” The curse wanted to punt the kid across the room with all his silly questions. Instead, – knowing you’d dislike it if he hurt Yuji, – he opted to take a deep breath, air hissing through his teeth, before answering, 

“Mm, you brats are so invasive, – the world doesn’t revolve around you selfish vermin.” sighing, “but fine, I’ll entertain whatever silly fantasy you have about me in your head; he was a sorcerer, a pretty damn strong one, too”

“But you didn’t kill him-” Yuji interjects, confused 

“No, I didn’t” 

“Why, were you two good friends.?”

He growled at the quantity of the questions, causing Yuji to scoot back in his seat slightly, 

“No– well, sort of. I’d assume you could say that.” 

“No-? Really? Kugisaki thinks you two are dating” 

Sukuna’s jaw almost drops to the floor, 

“What.” 

“Yeah, – Fushiguro says you two were together back then too, with the way you look at each other”

With the way he-? 

“Was he your like… private prostitute or something?” 

Sukuna has never heard such fuckery before:

“No. – I’d suggest you’d stop wherever you think you’re going with this, brat.” 

“Did you bang though?” 

That threw him for a loop, and Sukuna couldn’t help but wince at the term. “Banging” was a poor choice of words, – such a word couldn’t possibly do what you two did justice. 

No, you didn’t “bang”

Sukuna couldn’t help but be drawn in by you, – your attitude, your carefree-ness, your power, he wanted it all for himself, – which he sometimes did 

Those endless nights of pleasure where’d he just lose himself in you, - your affectionate caresses, your sweet nothings whispered into his ear that cast shivers all throughout. Sukuna was used to hearing praise showered upon his name, – his devotees throwing themselves at his feet to worship the ground he walked on. But he didn’t care for their praise, – not like he did yours. Your kind words were treasured, craved. If only you had been a woman: he would’ve made you a concubine, – no, – his wife. 

—---

His ego is fragile, witnessing you tearing apart his terrifying image horrifies him. 

Unfortunately for Sukuna, you couldn’t stop dotting on your pretty princess :3 It all came to a boiling point when you saw one of his colleagues start to cuddle up just the littlest bit too close: and he just let them. Seeing Mei Mei acting so clingy with the King made something in the pit of your stomach drop. Your envy boiled, sour and ripening into an ugly weed. It was obvious she held no actual affections (because one, – Mei Mei only lives for cold, hard cash, – which Sukuna didn’t really have on him, which was odd— and two, he was way too old for her tastes)

You just couldn’t help yourself, – he was wearing such a tight shirt, it hid nothing. 

“Yo, nice tits”

He was done. You were done sullying his name with your filthy words, – you were done humiliating him. And he made sure you knew that too

He had pulled you into his empty classroom, all the students and staff long gone. Sukuna towered over you, cold glare sending a delicious shivering cascading through your body, 

“Enough.” 

“Eh..?” you wince, your voice sounded all wrong, too high pitch and breathy, “enough of what?” 

Your damn smile again. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Your humiliation is not appreciated.” 

You scoff, “humiliation?” 

He glares, “silence, brat” he firmly grabs ahold of your chin, forcing it upwards, making you look him directly in those creepy, maroon eyes. 

One moment Sukuna has his emotions underwraps: he’s focused, – locked in, – he’s not going to let something as fickle as human ‘love’ hinder his plans. The more assertive the better, he would not be walked on – but he also didn’t want to accidentally lash out and do something he ends up regretting 

The next thing he knows, Sukuna starts spiraling, 

“You insist on following me, stalking me for over 1,000 years, – it’s pathetic” wait- what? No, he didn’t mean it like that

“--you mortal brats are as measly as ever, it’s no wonder you died to your own kind” pause, no, no, no, no, no….-- what was he doing? He didn’t actually mean that- 

“--killed by fellow sorcerers: pathetic. Dead and reborn, you’re still the desperate mutt crawling back to me..” Stop. Make it stop. Someone stop him. Stop/

“Uruame should be back here instead, seeing you is the biggest disappointment in this millennium” 

Oh.. 

“... fine then.” Your voice is quiet, small. Don’t look at him like that.

Sukuna’s eyes widened, but he couldn't seem to say anything, his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth. Instant dread pools into his stomach

“I see how it is. If that’s truly how you feel…” 

“Wait no–” Sukuna starts, immediately tensing up as you lower your eyes onto his. He swallows, hard. He hated the dejected, – the defeated look on your face. You looked so sad, and Sukuna couldn’t bear to see you sad , – something that terrified him to no end, — you terrify him to no end. You elicit the most exotic of feelings within him, reviving his ancient, rotten, worm eaten heart to a thunderous boom. Sukuna is reminded of the times back then: you laying in the field, hand twining in his hair, lightly scraping his scalp, – him sighing in content like an old dog. There would be the half eaten corpse of some unfortunate sorcerer off to the side, and you’d occasionally hand feed one or two limbs to the second mouth on his stomach, tongue out and awaiting like a dog’s for a treat  —Such tender moments, the power you have over him makes him feel weak in the knees. Every instinct within him told Sukuna to run, - to protect himself from this threat that was your adoration. The thrill gnawed at him from the inside, – but oh, the ecstasy from it felt so good. 

But he was Ryomen Sukuna, the King of Curses – he couldn’t face having such an open weakness – taking on a lover would feel like he had gutted himself, taking away a fundamental aspect of his existence as a character. You just have to keep stoking the flames. , 

… “nevermind, just go. I could care less” 

You do, closing the classroom door behind you, and Sukuna can’t help but feel as if half of his soul leaves with you. This happened every time: he’d push you away, only to immediately regret it, craving deeply for your validation. 

Shit, seems like he really did have a lot to learn when it came to such fickle human emotions.

He’d make it up to you, – he always did. 

—-------

You were the only one to bring him to his knees, the only deity the King would bring himself to worship , – and what a divine thing you were. 

Those nights of infinite passion, – you underneath him, (and occasionally him under you–)  he’d take you with the utmost care. Ryomen Sukuna has never been “gentle” with something, – let alone with another living individual, – but with you his touches were always so attentive, so skillful and purposeful. He never wanted to hear you scream in anything but pure pleasure. 

On the most precious of those nights, you’d coax the sweetest of noises from his lips. You could’ve sworn he has whimpered, despite his firm denial. 

You were his God. 

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

A/N: thank you for the request <3

[talkdutchtome]

Do you know this tiktok trend where girls tell guys about paying at the mechanic's for premium air for their cars 😭 could you write a fic where y/n does that prank to Max?

"Premium Air?" - Max Verstappen

pairing . . . max verstappen x reader )

genre . . . fluff )

wc . . . 825 words )

read my other work . . . here )

request something . . . here )

“Oh Maxy, I was supposed to mention, I took your car to be serviced. I know you’ve been so busy lately I thought I’d do that and give you one less thing to worry about” You said to your boyfriend, trying your hardest to suppress any giggles that wanted to escape. Your phone sat propped up on the bookshelf, strategically hidden so Max didn't notice.  

You had been seeing so many videos on TikTok where girls would prank their boyfriends or husbands by convincing them that they had bought “premium air” for the tires of their cars; and you decided that since so much of Max’s life revolved around cars, it would be the perfect way to prank him. 

“Oh, thank you very much baby, that’s kind of you, everything okay with it?” he said, never lifting his head up from his phone. 

“You’re welcome, yeah everything was okay they just said something about low tire pressure or something? I don’t really remember but I sorted it.” You said, fighting the mischievous grin that is trying to take its place on your face. At your words Max finally lifts his head up and looked at you, his brows furrowed. 

“Really are you sure? They seemed to be fine last time I drove it” his voice has a hint of concern lacing though it, clearly unsure where this is leading.  

“I’m not sure, that’s what the man said anyway. But I got it sorted. I even sprung for the premium air for you!” Your excitement was clear and the second the words left your lips, Max put his phone down, his full attention now on you. Confusion was etched on his face, his brows furrowed, and his lips pressed tightly in a fine line.  

“Premium air?” he questioned 

You nod enthusiastically, maintaining your poker face. "Yeah! It's the latest thing. It makes your car run smoother, improves fuel efficiency, and who knows, maybe it even adds a few extra horsepower."  

Max looks at you like you’ve got two heads and you come so close to ruining the whole prank and bursting out laughing.  

“Premium air?” he asked again, like he couldn’t find any other words to respond to your ridiculousness. “How much did this premium air cost you?” he asked with a bemused smile, that smile however, dropped as soon as you answered his question. 

“Oh, it was a steal! Like €150 a tire.”  

His eyebrows shot up in disbelief. "€150 per tire? Are you serious Y/N? There's no such thing as premium air!" 

You feign innocence, "Oh, come on, Maxy, it's a special service they offered. You can't put a price on a smooth ride” Max sighs, a mix of frustration and amusement on his face.  

"Baby, I think you’ve been scammed. There's no such thing as premium air. Next time, let me know before you spend money on something like this." 

You play dumb, widening your eyes in mock surprise. "Scammed? But how could I buy it if it doesn't exist?" 

Max laughs, shaking his head. "You're too precious. Next time, let me come with you to the garage, okay? I'll make sure you don't fall for any tricks." 

You're left feeling a bit confused. Most of the prank videos you’ve seen end with frustration or annoyance, but Max seems more amused than anything else. 

As you sit there, still feeling a bit bewildered by Max's surprisingly lighthearted reaction, you gather the courage to ask him the burning question. "Hey, Max," you begin cautiously, "why aren't you mad at me?" 

He looks at you with genuine confusion. "Mad? What do you mean?" 

You take a deep breath and decide it's time to come clean. "The whole premium air thing—it was a prank," you admit, pointing discreetly at the camera you had strategically placed in the room to capture his reaction. 

Max's eyes widen in realization, and he breaks into a hearty laugh. "You got me!" he exclaims, playfully pushing you. 

You can't help but smile at his reaction, relieved that he found it amusing. "Seriously, though, why aren't you mad? Everyone else in those prank videos gets upset." 

Max wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer. "I didn't want to make you feel bad," he confesses. "You were just trying to do something nice for me, and I didn't want to ruin that by getting angry over a harmless mistake” You look up at him, touched by his understanding and kindness. "But I wasted money on something that doesn't exist. You could have been really mad." He leans down, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. "Money comes and goes, but you trying to make me happy means the world to me.” 

"I love you," you say, a mixture of gratitude and affection in your voice. 

Max smiles, his eyes filled with warmth. "I love you too, baby. Just remember, next time you decide to prank me, I'll be one step ahead."