#don't even get me started on adhd
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cherrieguroo · 6 months ago
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you ever just hear about some mental thing and go "oh i relate to that a lot lol" and then it haunts you for the rest of your life because the more you hear about it the more it feels like you've felt that before but you can't just assume you have it so instead you just keep it in the back of your mind
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edgy-senju · 6 months ago
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Being an autistic/ADHD adult is sooo fun cause if you ask to have some of your needs met and you're not diagnosed, then you're clearly just being selfish and childish™
But if you're diagnosed then you're going to be treated like a little kid with no bodily and mental autonomy, so of course you can't have your needs met anyway
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lightningidle · 8 months ago
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Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...
You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.
And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?
(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)
Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?
You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.
You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.
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ratcandy · 4 months ago
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I NEED TO GET DIAGNOSED! (violent explosion sounds and terrified screaming follows shortly after my proclamation of suffering
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elisemochi · 4 months ago
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Thinking about that one post I saw in passing way before I made this account that like was a confession blog and the confession was like
"I think Illuminata isn't romanceable because she falls in love with Amber"
or something like that and like the only comment was somebody saying like "ew, how dare you make me look at this"
Anyway I think Illuminata/Amber would be pretty cute
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choking-on-roses · 4 months ago
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My goal was to grade 10 papers today. I really really reeeeaaaallyyyyy didn't want to and had to fight tooth and nail through the executive dysfunction. I clawed my way through at a pace of one essay per hour. I hated it, but I did it!
It's not even the fact that I reached my goal that made me happy (it was arbitrary). It's the fact that I'm even capable of getting through difficult things I don't want to do at all. I have been working on my self-discipline and focus for years and I'm very proud of myself for how far I've come.
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sillyfreakx5 · 3 months ago
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i might have just started to solve my Ethical Crisis II. because like... it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter if i know what's ethically correct right now. I'm not influencing anyone else to do whatever, i just want to fucking experience this. I'm gonna do all of [thing] regardless of if i extensively think about the ethics of it, worsening my mental health in the process. so why just... NOT try to figure out the right answer?
i don't need to have all the answers right now. i just need to live.
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dootznbootz · 9 months ago
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I'm technically most likely demiromantic (definitely demisexual) which is technically on the aro spectrum but I'm sooooo romance favorable that it almost doesn't feel like it counts????
I'm a huge romantic sap but I'm kind of funky with crushes. I have them and I get them but I'm very particular and I almost have... control over them???
Like when I start to feel the feelings���, I then start looking at a possible relationship through "logic lens".
"Compatible here, there, there too. Okay, we're not with that though, and I will not move on that so therefore it will not work. Alright, cool! Best friend! Best friend! Best friend!"
I can just shut off the feelings™ once I get the feeling it's not gonna work, especially if it's on something I will not change. If I have a feeling there's potential, I let feelings "grow".
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dirtytransmasc · 10 months ago
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autism/adhd is fighting yourself so you don't listen to a song on loop until anything that even vaguely reminds you of said song makes you want to puke and or rip your hair out.
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deoidesign · 6 months ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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evanwevand · 11 days ago
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I'm so fucking close to dropout school
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iceeericeee · 1 year ago
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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autumnoakes · 6 months ago
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me, who started uni thinking i was entirely neurotypical and able-bodied but just lazy: i'm a failure for how long it's taking me to finish this degree. i'm a failure for being unable to get a job while i do so, much less handle it while i study. i don't deserve to take a semester off, i need to be doing something. i need to be able to support myself somehow. i'm failing at life
random voice in my head: you're not even 25 yet. most of your classmates are the same age as you. you can only handle so much and the threshold is much lower for you than for an able-bodied and -minded person. everyone deserves a break and should be able to take one without consequence and it's a shame that you don't feel you deserve it. the milestones you're worried about aren't real and even the one deadline you're worried about is 4 years in the future and your advisor told you not to worry about it anyways. deep breaths. it'll be alright.
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dokjaism · 11 months ago
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everyday im like i need to learn how to draw and then i just don't start
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snazum · 3 months ago
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me trying to stroll thru the ted nivison tag on tumblr for some sick art X READER, IMAGINE, OTHER THINGS I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF EVEN THO IT'S QUITE LITERATLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME XDD
#No shade btw I get it#look. I was on mcyt wattpad as a small small SMALL child and I mean FUCKING TINY#and I get it!#Where are the fanartist tho I want art grrrrr#do I have to do everything myself#anyways guys can u tell that maybe i've found myself in a new yt fixation.... erm#like 4 chuckle sandwich podcasts and a barbie movie review and i'm in the trenches#seriously though i do think that most of it is stemming from my video creation fixation#i blame school coming up#SCHLATTS MONKEY VIDEOW???? Beautiful editing i want to edit like that#don't know the editor off the top of my head sorry#i'm going crazy over video creation honestly and they're my vessels (This is very hyperbole)#snazum talks#I have an idea cooking btw.... maybe I'll share it here when i'm done but otherwise i'm gonna be tight lipped about it :)#if ur a mootie/friend tho feel free to ask me in dms :D I can't help but want to ramble bout it#I may be a little shy though since it's not embarrasing per say but i also don't like talking bout it that much#It's nothing serious it's actually the most not serious thing ever but i feel like a bragging bitch when i talk about it so i don't#but also i want to talk about it. cause the subject matter isn't even what i'm proud about it's the idea of how to present it that is#this is so vague i'm so sorry i started fucking rambling in these tags jesus christ#why am i like this ANYWAYS YEAH BYE#EDIT: okay but tbf back to the original point i didn't think this shit would be main tagged?#I find it usually isn't when it comes to rpf stuff but what do i know#all i know is 2012/2014....#the trenches dude.#u don't want to see my old art it contains so many terrible terrible youtubers#I sure know how to pick em#i think the amount i ramble in tags really really represents my adhdness#i got fucking diagnosed and i'm scared to say that i'm just gonna say my quirkyness
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steakout-05 · 11 months ago
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i think having TF2 as a special interest really early in my childhood influenced so many things about myself and my identity.... my gender is big men my sexuality is big men and my sense of humour is big men. i even named myself after the "very tiny and scrawny but still big" big man and i think about all the big men in TF2 on a semi daily basis,,,,,, anyway yeah i like the men in TF2 :)
#tf2#this post is nigh incomprehensible#this is the true effects of autism...... having such a big special interest that it literally influences half of your entire sense of self#i think this is why i feel gender euphoria playing crusty old source games#like i literally feel so connected to TF2 it's crazy#i'm currently listening to a TF2 YTPMV and have it in the corner of my screen and my brain is just going ''ahh... the song of my people''#i look at scout tf2 and i go ''he is just like me!!!''#man's got adhd and likes being an asshole to the other team on the battlefield and if that isn't relatable i don't know what is#i also occasionally play as engineer and i always put my sentries in the most bitchy spots ever#like you're taking a stroll over to the point and you're like ''oop. level 3 sentry that i can't get rid of because the fucker behind it-#-won't stop helicopter parenting it. welp.'' that's my gendar#scout main to engineer main redemption arc to scout main villain arc because my sentries kept exploding pipeline#that made absolutely zero sense.#i usually play on training mode because i'm too shy to play on casual again yet and let me tell you#the amount of times i've yelled at the engineer bots because they just won't build a damn dispenser next to their sentries is insane#like maintaining a sentry would be SO MUCH EASIER if you just built a dispenser nearby. like.#when you play engie you start to not even worry about your health anymore because you're too concerned with your metallic kids to care#it's like ''oh i'm at 2 hp. wow. OH SHIT MY SENTRY GOT HIT ONCE AND LOST A SINGLE BAR OF HP I NEED TO HEAL HIM!!!!! MY SON!!!'#and you never end up dead somehow because dispenser#and when you do die it's like torture looking at the spectating cam and seeing your sentry get shot at and not being there to help it#it's like ''nooo... my son.... please i need to heal my son..... i can't bare to watch''#i should invest in a wrangler.... hmmmm......#anyway this post is... so autism! it's great we love to see it!#autism#i'm very tired yet feel very energised.... i'm having a neurodivergent moment hang on#spy sappin my executive functioning#my brain is literally just 3 scouts and 2 engineers doing do si do with 'erectin a river' blasting really loud at the moment#YIPPEEKIYAHIYAAAAAHYKIYO - my brain when special interest
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