#don't call for help no one does'
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#sola said#thinking about a conversation w someone lately of like. 'wild how when you call for help sometimes people will answer. / wild how when you#don't call for help no one does'#and like we were laughing about it but#idk something about the fact that. was talking to a friend and she said like. hey it seems like you've been doing okay/better this quarter.#versus me expressing that i feel like i sound like a broken record of 'hey sorry i'm having a bad week/my brain is full of bees this week'#versus me talking to my parents yday and realizing that they also have such an inaccurate picture of how i'm doing#idk just. i feel like the last couple weeks have been an absolute roller coaster of. some of the happiest/most comfortable i've been in a#while but also. some of the worst times i've had just in terms of being in my own head#and kind of also realizing like. how much of this is actually legible to other people? unsettling that like. my friends (who i see and talk#to like every day) think i'm doing a lot better than i feel vs. my family (who i only talk to rarely and not for very long) thinks i'm#having a really bad time#idk it's a mortifying ordeal of being (un)known thing maybe#why do i feel lonely!! i'm talking to pretty much every friend i have more than i ever have!! why is my brain bad!!#delete later
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Always a bit puzzled by people saying that anyone who wanted long-term consequences for TotK Zelda's sacrifice are "edgy".
I'm not even particularly in the camp that she should have remained a dragon forever (I think this should have been Ganondorf's fate, it would have been sooo much more impactful than to explode him and move on but anyway). To be honest, I wish the rules for turning back would have been 1) clear 2) active gameplay on the player so that it feels like it's something we have earned, and 3) not make her have amnesia about it and/or at least having her gain some crucial insight because of the experience.
(also: doesn't she crave knowledge? isn't that insanely mean to have her watch over every civilization and every bit of history ever and then take it away from her? kind of dislike how totk privileges the comfort of the player's feelings over what the characters would actually want or need tbh)
To be perfectly honest, I fully expected us needing to turn her back before engaging Ganondorf so we would fight him together, especially since Zelda as a compagnon exists in the game code already (though in a very subdued state). It feels very very strange to me that all of this mechanic of Sages following us existing and yet we never have the very climactic cool Zelda-staple moment of facing Ganondorf or Ganon together (OoT, WW, TP, ST and probably more that I'm forgetting all did this in some way --even BotW had Zelda more involved than in TotK). I'm not sure Mineru was a compagnon that was needed over Zelda honestly, especially given the kind of non-insight she gives us on the zonai (even if the idea of the mecha is cool, it really could have been Zelda using her zonai + sheikah knowledge to pilot one for us or something).
But anyway: yeah, even if this isn't what I would have wanted personally, I think wanting Zelda to remain a dragon is kind of arguably more respectful of her relationship to Link, in a way, that what the game ended up doing. When she enacted this sacrifice, Zelda decided to trust him to such a extent that she lost herself, reciprocated his trust in her and his devotion to her, and now the future of Hyrule exists beyond her and beyond what Hyrule once was, but she trusts them to follow through and be happy and she will watch over them from the stars moving on. It's fine if we manage to save her from that fate, but even if we don't, honestly this sounds like a beautiful story/tragic romance to me, if you want to read it that way. Tragedy doesn't necesserily involve edginess. Fictional pain isn't always mean, or out to get you.
#totk#totk critical#zelda#link#when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#take it from me: a professional edgelord#but genuinely I was quite disappointed when I realized I wouldn't get to fight alongside Zelda at all#I thought for sure the first descent was a setup for the final descent when we would be reunited#and then confront Ganondorf together#I don't know to me that would have just made sense#she's the one with the most beef with that man Link is honestly just here so she doesn't have to call an über afterward#link doesn't have half as much reasons to want ganondorf dead as zelda does#which didn't help the feeling that I had as much emotional investment in the situation than the friend you call when you get in trouble#ganondorf isn't even directly responsible for zelda returning to the past NOR turning into a dragon! the guy has no idea what's going on!#anyway. this game's plot is very weird.
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The clock keepers deserve to have the full shaded promo art for their volume 🙏🙏
Edit: I HAVE THEM ALL!!!
#toilet bound hanako kun#tbhk#jshk#aoi akane#mirai#I AM WAITING FOR KAKO PLZ#like yes the illustrations for Hanako/Tsukasa/Nene are okay but the effort went clearly for the clock keepers#I couldn't be happier aaaah#AidaIro finally answering the “Does Akane have red or brown hair?” question by putting both colors on one illustration#Tea colored hair my beloved#jibaku shounen hanako kun#jibaku shonen hanako kun#I am eating the blue and yellow illustrations so much omggg#and this green/blue is so close to my fav color (called duck blue in french) I am so happy#I CAN COLOR THE OWLS NOW TOO YEEES#Akane *takes a pose with his owl pet*#he is sending me help#him always having a neutral expression as a clock keeper kills me#I can't go insane I don't have time but the clock keepers are always in my mind#it's even more obvious how Akane and Mirai have the same front bangs here I am ascending
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Don't get me wrong, "The Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite" is a quote that absolutely hits me square in the chest every time.
..But I feel like putting it in italics under an aesthetic picture is kinda neglecting the context, since Piranesi has Nearly Drowned when he first says that.
#Piranesi#I could make a whole rant about this#I don't wish to claim the house isn't beautiful. However.#One does have to wonder how much of its sentience kindness and grace is projected onto it BY Piranesi#Because it isn't always kind is it?#The winters are hard. The collapsed floors are dangerous. My guy is talking to birds and dead people#Also he Nearly Fcking Drowns in the first scene#But I don't wish to be a negative nancy either#What matters is that Piranesi sees that kindness#I suppose it's the same way the statues capital-r-Represent concepts while also being unmoving stone...#Or maybe its that Piranesi is so kind he can't help seeing that quality in everyone and everything#I fear I'm rambling.#Just wanted to get it off my chest.#I wonder how many people reading that quote out of context know that it's the thought of a drenched man clinging to the legs of a statue#Susanna Clarke#(edit: realized that the call-back to this line does knock me off my feet.)#(I cried physical tears reading the final chapter)#(anyway okay so yeah it's just the First time that that line is written where the narrator has narrowly brushed past death)#(wait.... The way that it puts the “house” in a whole new context...#The way that “world” and “house” are interchangeable....bro I need to lie down this BOOK.)#(It is 2am and I am unwell about this story)
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Okay wait I desperately need a qui-gon lives AU where he's sent on a secret undercover mission to the midrim for a year and or two that his lineage knows but kept quiet about because confidentiality, and when he came back the Clone Wars was already ongoing. Imagine Obi-wan and Anakin delightedly going "Master Jinn!" when he returns, completely disregarding the utter confusion of the clones and because they have never ever seen this man man before.
#Help imagine the 212th's reaction to Qui-gon inadvertently treating Obi-wan like he's still his padawan sometimes#casually bringing up one of their old master and padawan missions or something#Obi wan is a Master okay but to Qui-gon Jinn he is baby#Jinn and Skywalker as the ultimate chaos dream team#Qui-gon and Mace windu being childhood friends can you IMAGINE#star wars#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#qui gon jinn#swtcw#sw prequels#star wars the clone wars#poor poor commander cody#disaster lineage!!!#imagine ahsoka meeting him thinking he's all strict and master-y and it turns out he's A Big Mess#Qui-gon loves his jedi family okay he cant leave them alone#I don't think he'd be a general#I think that he'd be a sort of scout figure#sent on solo and spy missions kind of like a jedi shadow#and hinting on his role as Dooku's former padawan#but not technically a shadow. he does more diplomacy and intelligence gathering and undercover stuff as opposed to direct leadership like#what anakin and obi-wan do. but the clones call him general bc habit
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Sam: "Look at me. Hey- look at me a second. I know. I know you're tough. I know how strong you are. You have every right to be proud of that. But being able to handle somethin' doesn't mean you should have to. Least of all when I'm right here trying to help. Please let me help. If not for you then for me, because I don't like knowin' you're hurtin', especially when there's somethin' I can do about it."
Me, shaking my head, fighting back literal tears: "B-but it's gonna give you another headache!"
#redacted sam#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted fandom#[Sam's name doubles as a link to the specific lines i quoted btw. just for full credit/transparency & for anyone who wants to (re)listen]#Sam's deep-seated need to heal vs my inability to accept help would be a battle for the ages. unstoppable force vs immovable object#wait Sam already mentioned the force vs object thing to David during the inversion didn't he lmao 'they call /me/ Immovable Object'#he does suit Immovable a little more than Unstoppable i guess. i mean he can def be both imo but ykwim. anyways i digress#listen. i'm not a Marriage kinda guy. but good god the way some of Sam's lines make me wanna take a fucking knee and propose#i'm love him ur honor. he is comfort incarnate#can't believe i waited so long to listen to the Valentines Vampire Attack audio. it's got so much of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort#very reminiscent of their 2nd audio given all the healing he does for them & the consent checks before moving clothing and whatnot#which makes it a top favorite for me bc that's probably my most replayed Sam audio. and the one that initially hooked me#i didn't put off listening to it bc i thought i Wouldn't like it btw i just procrastinate everything for no real reason#listening to it now tho actually worked out well bc i could uh. definitely use it. so maybe i was subconsciously saving it for hard times#this post isn't a joke btw it really does hurt to hear him put himself in pain for the sake of healing Darlin' :(((#anD PAINKILLERS DON'T EVEN WORK ON HIM!!! ough man i would struggle so hard to accept his healing if i were in Darlin's shoes#like yeah there's other reasons i'd struggle to accept it too but him being in pain as a result would be one of 'em. the Guilt bro i can't#rp audio stuff#Seven.txt#(Seven blorbo-posting at 2am when they should either be doing something productive or sleeping?? more likely than you might think)
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On Wednesday before I gave my presentation I confessed to a new employee that I was worried it would be too long and she brightly told me her life hack was to just let AI rewrite things for her. She said I should put in all my talking points and ask ChatGPT to give me a five minute exactly presentation. I was like....how is the most polite possible way (since this is a new colleague I shouldn't get off on the wrong foot with) that I can express that I will Not be taking this advice. Ever. I told her that I didn't think we were allowed to use ChatGPT at this job (we most certainly are not, it is a nightmare for any type of protected information) and also that I prefer to write all of my own work. Despite my best efforts the last part of that was still passive aggressive, lol.
Something about being a writer makes it so that it's almost offensive to me for someone to suggest I use AI to do my work instead? Like, the day I reach the point where I let AI write something for me is the day y'all need to be checking me for brain damage because clearly I'm losing it
#i also told her i was capable of making a 5 minute presentation but that i had too much information to cover to explain the project in 5 min#and she was like oh that makes sense!!#but like im sorry 😭am i the insane one or like....#idk to me suggesting I use AI isn't a helpful suggestion it reads as someone telling me i don't know how to do my job#does that make sense?#i don't consider it a lifehack or working smarter instead of harder. it seems like you're suggesting i am incapable of writing well myself#i know a lot of people right now thing AI is the best thing ever#to me it's a blatant omission that you can't do your own work or think for yourself#this is also even crazier of a suggestion to me because that morning i had TWO managers on call debating wording of a sentence#like we were reveiwing this presentation tightly so that we said exactly what we wanted to and met the standards of our administration#chatgpt is not going to understand the nuances of what we can/cannot say or official/approved wording lol#i think we use ai tools in the sense of like...photoshop generative fill or ai stuff in scientific research/arcgis#but i'm like 99% sure we were banned from using chatgpt over privacy concerns of putting controlled information into it#anyway. idk. i know not everyone writes as well as i do.#but i'd rather read bad writing that came from a person than something that was generated for you tbh#and i will help review my colleagues' writing any day
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ok so we're all in agreement that the way the show is handling trixie and matthew's storyline is complete shite right?
#call the midwife#call the midwife series 13#don't usually like putting negativity in tags but.... i am seriously so frustrated by this lol#not only does it just... not make sense with EITHER characters#it also just feels like a totally lazy way to add drama...#like there's totally a way they could have added a money-issues storyline that could have been really interesting!#but pointless miscommunication? matthew being a chauvinistic dickhead? trixie have barely any of her own agency??? nah nah#fuck that lol#also looks like they're going to make her return to alcoholism in the finale which is completely annoying#like there were whole SERIES dedicated to her getting help with it!!#and it was amazing! it was one of the few times i've seen alcoholism depicted with such care on screen PARTICULARLY w/ a female character#uguhughuu idk#i'm just ranting here soz lol#and like ctm has made some very strange choices in terms of characters and plotlines in the past#but this one really feels like it's taking the piss imo lol...
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can we have a hint about what the spring break tim patrol chapter of red letter day contains? (you kept having dick say "if the joker shows up" and tim's "he won't." for me to be convinced that goes off without any trouble)
i'm sure it'll be fine. :D
i am delighted you're enjoying the story <333 i haven't updated it in soooo long but i got some very sweet comments lately so i have been looking at my scribbles again <3
#tim: he WON'T show up okay?? and if he did i'd be FINE. dick thinks i'm gonna fall on my face if i do anything on my own ever#dick: that is not true!! that is NOT what i said stop putting words in my mouth#tim: i literally watched this entire city by myself for FOUR YEARS and don't say bruce was here because lots of the time he wasn't#dick: listen i am JUST SAYING that last year you almost DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH a lot#dick: and i personally rescued you from near-death experiences & you were not exactly helpful or forthcoming#dick: so sue me if i'd just like to clarify that i will at least get a PHONE CALL if something goes wrong#dick: as opposed to OH I DON'T KNOW you go off to fight jason or ra's al-ghul behind my back and then you almost DIE#dick: and i have to go chasing after you AFTER THE FACT because you didn't bother to explain to me the stupid thing that you were gonna do#tim: that was NOT stupid and -- i KNEW you were still mad at me about that --#dick (unconvincingly): i'm not mad at you (more convinced) YOU'RE still mad at ME --#tim (unconvincingly): no i'm not. (more convinced) look i get it you obviously think that i suck which fine WHATEVER --#dick: i never said that and i'm just asking for the basic professional courtesy of a heads-up!! the city's my responsibility so -#tim: i know you're on a power trip about this but gotham is actually MY city too so --#dick: excuse me i am NOT on a power trip. i'm BATMAN which means that --#tim: you sure are#dick: oh don't even go there - let me point out that ONE of us is being an uncommunicative jerk and it ISN'T ME --#tim: you are literally trying to micromanage how i do a milk run that i could do backwards with my eyes blindfolded --#dick: i'm not micromanaging!! nightclubs can be -- i have a NORMAL degree of CONCERN okay so --#tim: -- so either you're lying to me or you think i suck; how exactly am i supposed to tell you stuff if you don't trust me -#dick: what?! i trust you!!! i just --#tim: you just DON'T trust me??#dick (trapped): i trust you. i'm just saying. if for example the joker -#tim (defensive): who i could handle#dick: or jason -#tim: who i could also handle!!! try to be a little less condescending maybe#dick: oh come ON. look you're obviously kinda testy about me going out of town which fine whatever but i'm just trying to -#tim (testily): i'm not testy. what does that even mean 'testy'
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i cant do all of this
#tw bugs#and gross shit idk#i was doing my laundry and theres fucking bugs in it#i think i killed them all#im going to put them on a hot wash and hopefully that'll be enough to get rid of them#idk what they were#i need to donate some old clothes amd and i need to clean my room its fucking disgusting but i just cant#i don't have the energy#im so fucking tired and im disabled and no one fucking helps me#no one helps me they just leave me to deal with everything.#i dont have the time or energy to do my laundry#i cant clean my room#i bet there's more bugs#and i cant tell anyone theyd call me lazy#its my fault#everyone else manages this shit#I dont know what im meant to do#I dont know how im meant to do school and take care of myself#i dont know how everyone else does this#i cant do shit#i go to school and i sleep its all i can manage.#i dont know what I'm meant to do and no body listens and its not bad enough for anyone to care#my rooms a tip im not surprised there are bugs#and no one fucking helps me
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sparkle on, tiberius ✨
#my art#low stakes 🦇#my old friend crimson-catalyst helped with the shoes!! basically drew the shoe sketch while i slept. please check out his art he's great#anyway not many vampires sparkle in my lore. like at all. it's a super rare trait even among the daywalkers. tiberius is a weird exception#most vampires just kinda burn. or crack. and otherwise can't deal with the sun very well#and most daywalker vampires - upon sun exposure - get these dark ashy marks on their skin instead#so most vampires don't even know sparkling like this is a thing that is possible#he sure is sparkling like a MARBLE STATUE ✨ (do they actually sparkle?? idk man it's probably just a figure of speech at this point)#happy birthday silly boy#anyway his birthday is feb 2nd and he'd be uhhh. 2144 years old today#a grecoroman idiot twink. i don't think he remembers his original name - his cause of undeath was drowning in the river of tiber though#being drunk on wine while accidentally becoming a vampire is never a good idea (major memory loss may happen)#so he's just been going by tiberius. for a while. like that's just his name now#for the record he is very gay. he doesn't call it that but he totally is#also i don't care for twilight sorry it's too romantic and mormon for my taste. but its vampire lore is funny and i'll borrow from anything#like the sparkles. maybe one vampire does sparkle. as a treat#hope you enjoyed my tag ramble. time to actually post
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"You're pretty new at this whole relationship thing, huh?"
"... Yeah."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x01#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#rhett x maria#um... idk i love them#but why would they do this to me? it's gonna sting so much when they break up#her teasing him is my favorite thing#but also her calling him ''wonderful''? my god the squeal i let out...#the smallest little smile and the way he looked at her before he said ''good'' after she said she likes how she feels when she's with him?!#now i'm rhett going ''don't do this'' but instead of with his truck it's with the show#my biggest gripe is that she doesn't help him that much with his broken arm... except maybe to help him shower? /hj#i get why he was the one to get the snacks... it was for the impact of the scene but still#it's great to see them laughing and smiling so much! love that!#i think she smiled at least once while her poor boyfriend was getting freaked out by cats#he could not keep a straight face for that long after saying ''what does that leave me?''#i wonder what he was gonna say before she said she liked how she feels when she's with him... was he giving her an out?#he has NOTHING pleasant to say about her not even a ''thank you'' after being called wonderful smh /j#tw: food?#my girl didn't even say ''bless you'' when he starting sneezing :(#i switched the last picture because i like the way they were smiling at each other when he got onto the bed#after maria laughs in the car after the buffalo run past them i think i can hear the lowest ''so are we-'' or ''sorry''?#and i think that may be because lew thought isa broke character?? but i'm not too sure... maybe it's rhett apologizing#but idk? maybe it's just rhett saying sorry because he felt self-conscious about maybe sounding stupid... or maybe i'm just hearing things#i think the way he even said ''okay'' after she took all the snacks was similar to the way she said it before she grabbed the snacks#look i understand not getting a shower scene but they truly robbed me of seeing rhett and maria with wet hair...#just another little nitpick but i think the ''i like who i am when i'm with you'' would hit harder if we saw maria in scenes without rhett
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22 Mattdrai please
Thank you anon! I hope you enjoy :)
22. things you said after it was over
Last year, it was Matthew's precious Flames that got punted out of the playoffs. To add insult to injury, it was at the hands of the Oilers. Which is why, that same night, he sent Leon a slew of drunken texts from some dingy downtown bar because he was not in the mood to even look at Leon, let alone go home with him.
Those texts included one declaring they were breaking up, which Leon didn't take to heart because not even five minutes later he got another message assuring him that no they were not actually breaking up Matthew was just going to hate him for the next 48 hours. That, Leon could handle.
Hell, he'd probably have gone for 72 hours. Minimum. And he had to rest his ankle anyways, if he wanted any chance of seeing ice-time the next game. He'd be there when Matthew was ready.
This year, it's the Oilers who go out first.
Leon just barely keeps it together through the post-game media frenzy. He doesn't want to look at the cameras, barely keeps the shudder from his voice, which is little more than a whimper because he just can’t breathe. Hunkered down with his hood up because it feels safe, the only barrier between him and a world that just crushed his dream. Again.
It's not like he can be mad at Matthew, because he fucked off to Florida, a whole other division, so Leon has no excuse for not answering any of his texts, or the six separate times Matthew tried to call after Vegas knocked Edmonton on it's ass.
Only once Leon's back home for the night, drained and exhausted and dazed, refusing to go out with Connor and the guys because he really, really doesn't want to exist right now, does he look at his phone.
Cuddling Bowie in his arms, he sits on the couch and scrolls through the avalanche of texts from Matthew. The last one catches him off guard, and he stares at it, reading it over and over.
come down and see me. please.
And... yeah. Through the doom and gloom of another lost season, he misses Matthew. Matthew, who's season isn't done. Matthew, who doesn't need Leon, but wants him. Wants him to be there.
So Leon books a flight to Florida, and starts packing.
The next day he goes in early for clear-out, says his goodbyes, and drives right to the airport. After an almost nine hour flight--including a layover in Denver that's great for his legs but not his morale--he lands in Fort Lauderdale just as the sun hits the horizon.
Matthew's waiting for him at Arrivals, dressed in board shorts and sandals and button-down shirt, sunglasses and that damn bucket hat. He smiles when he sees Leon, waves, and the simplicity of it chips away at the heavy stone sitting on Leon's chest. He always breathes better when he's with Matthew.
"What, not even a sign?" Leon calls out once he's in earshot. "I thought you were excited to see me?"
Matthew slaps the brim of Leon's hat down over his eyes. "Next time I'll bring confetti canons and air horns."
And fuck, just hearing Matthew's voice again without a phone between them lifts a weight off Leon's shoulders. It almost makes the defeat worth it.
His hands are too empty suddenly. He wants to hold Matthew's, wrap him up in his arms, touch him anywhere and everywhere, inside and out. Replenish old memories, make new ones. Never let go again.
Matthew gets the jump on him once they're in his car, dragging Leon over the center console by his shirt and into a sloppy kiss. It's all tongue and teeth, scratchy beard and plush lips, and as always, it's perfect. This too, aches like a phantom pain when they're on opposite ends of the continent. Phone sex and a bit of imagination with his own hand can't totally replace the sex, but it definitely can't replace the sweetness of a kiss.
When he pulls back, Matthew looks like he's going to immediately drop the one thing Leon really doesn't want to hear--the dreaded I'm sorry about what happened--so he jumps first.
"I missed you."
If Matthew knows he's purposely being cut off, he doesn't show it. He bumps their foreheads together and closes his eyes, like he's just soaking Leon in.
"Missed you too."
As the dusk fades to night, they drive, and drive, and drive. Not to Matthew's house, that's immediately obvious, but Leon doesn't ask where they're going. He slumps in the passenger's seat, leg tucked up against the dashboard, and goes between watching palm trees and glistening waterfront, to watching Matthew.
He tries not to think about hockey, but it was a long and restless flight, and Matthew's got a stupid little air freshener shaped like skates, and the playoffs aren't actually over, so of course the first thing Leon says to break the silence is, "When's your next game?"
Matthew taps his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the music playing on the radio. "Thursday. Against Carolina. We're flying out the day after tomorrow."
"Hmm. So what are we doing with all that time?"
"Fucking, hopefully." Matthew glances sidelong at him, tongue poking between his teeth. "At least for part of it. I still have practice, and you need to relax."
"What am I doing while you're gone?"
"Waiting for me to come back? You can stay at my place. Come to the games when we're at home. My family's going to drop in too, so, you know, be prepared for that."
Won't be Leon's first tangle with the Tkachuks. Pretty sure he's an honorary member of the family at this point, even if he still struggles to keep up with the energy they bring to a room. Not that he minds.
The rest of the drive is quiet enough that Leon dozes off. When he wakes up, groggy with jet lag, it's dark aside from the street lights, and Matthew is pulling into a parking lot up from a small, deserted beach. Leon doesn't know which one; there's so many here. He follows Matthew out of the car and down the promenade, down the stone steps to the sand, where grains slip between his toes and the sound of the waves soothes the storm in his own head.
Which is exactly why Matthew brought him here; somewhere secluded, somewhere that can't hurt him. Because Leon loves the ocean, and Matthew loves him.
He follows Matthew along the beach, going nowhere in particular. Matthew walks purposefully nonetheless, head high and shoulders back, warm breeze tugging at his clothes and ruffling his curls. Something Leon loves to do too, and can't wait to do again.
This place looks good on Matthew. If only it weren't so far away.
"I'm glad you came," Matthew says over his shoulder, slowing until Leon catches up. "I wasn't sure you would."
Why not? The year-round heat and the beaches and the seemingly endless bars are a nice change of pace. But more importantly, this is where Matthew is. Of course he was going to come.
"Beats sitting around re-watching the second round wondering what we could have done differently," Leon says instead, because it's true, and because he doesn't need to tell Matthew what he already knows.
"Hey, that's not a bad thing. But it's not what you need right now." Matthew swallows, takes an uneven breath like he's the one getting choked up. "I saw your interview yesterday. After the game. Leon, you know I didn't call you down here for me, right? Don't get me wrong, I'd fucking love for you to be here watching us play, but the way you sounded... I was worried you'd end up sitting around your house all alone and depressed."
"I'm not depressed. And I wasn't going to. I was planning on going back home."
"Great, so you can mope around in Germany instead."
"I wouldn't have been alone."
"Much as I love Bowie, he doesn't count, babe."
Leon stops walking, staring at the sand until Matthew stops too, turning back and right into Leon's space to block the wind, which has taken on a chill.
"Leon--"
"Our season's over, Matthew," he mutters. "I really thought we could... I didn't want it to end here."
Matthew sighs, but his eyes are sympathetic. "Yeah. I know. But you're not done. There's always next year. And a bunch more after that."
The same platitudes, every time. It's empty words. Leon knows it. Matthew knows it. But what else is there to say? You fall, you get back up, you try again. Rinse and repeat. That's what this league is.
In any other circumstance, Matthew would probably make some crack about the Oilers and how assuming you guys can actually get your shit together, you may have a chance, but it's, you know, fucking Edmonton, so...
But he's being kind for Leon's sake. Because Matthew's forked tongue turns to silk when he's off the ice. He's so gentle at times like this, handling Leon with kid gloves like he thinks he'll shatter if he so much as breathes too hard.
"I'm just getting tired of it always being 'next year'," Leon admits easily, because it is easy with Matthew. "Every time we come close, we get knocked down. It feels like shit. I'm fucking tired of it."
Every time he climbs the ladder, he tastes victory. The higher the wrung, the sweeter it is. And every time he falls, there's a tiny part of him that worries he'll never get his feet off the ground again.
"Hey." Matthew cups his cheek, forcing Leon to look him in the eye, into pale blues that dance and shine even in the dark. "You're not giving up on me, are you?"
The question catches him so off guard Leon jerks like he's been struck.
"What? No. Fuck no. The hell kind of question is that?"
Quitting has never even crossed his mind. He didn't come into this league thinking it would be easy. He's worked his ass off to get where he is, and sure he's got his own liabilities to work through, but he'll keep going until something gives out.
"Good. Just making sure." Matthew looks so damn smug, but Leon's learned to find that endearing too. "Only place left to go is up, right?"
Right. Leon said something like that to Matthew, once. You win or you lose. Only two options. If you lose, then all you can do next time is win. If you win, you keep winning until you make it to the top. Anger into action, failure into fortune.
Matthew's hand slips down Leon's forearm, searching for his hand, but stops when Leon flinches, and brushes a callused thumb back and forth over the bruise there.
"This from Pietrangelo?"
Leon huffs. "Maniac, yeah. It's fine. It wasn't as bad as it looked."
"Want me to rough him up a little if I see him down the line? My treat. Actually, it'd be my pleasure."
There's that blinding confidence. The Matthew that's going to ensure they blow right past Carolina, through Dallas or Vegas, and raise the Cup. Who's dumb enough to argue with him?
"If you want." Leon's almost too tired to smile, but he tries anyways.
And Matthew softens too, cheeks pinked and teeth showing between his parted lips. It's hard to think back to a time when he would never look at Leon like this; like he's so fucking in love with him it's physically impossible to hide it. Leon can only imagine how he looks to Matthew.
"I'll make you another deal while we're at it," Matthew says.
"A deal or a promise?" Leon knows what's coming, because he knows Matthew. His heart still jumps up into his throat.
"I'll win the Cup for you."
They've learned to say I love you in a million different ways. Somehow, they keep finding new ones.
It's so stupid. Matthew's not arrogant. But then again, he seems to be playing a game no one else is, in a way no one else can. He oozes confidence and bleeds charisma, possesses the kind of karma that can change destinies.
If anyone could actually say it, and do it, it's Matthew. Damn if Leon doesn't believe it, too.
So all he has to do is smile, nod, and say, "Okay."
"Just to be clear," Matthew says, "I'm not doing it for the Oilers. I'm doing it for you. And for me and the Cats, obviously. Maybe... maybe a little more for me and the Cats. No offence, babe."
Leon snorts. "It's fine. It's yours. You earned it."
"So have you." Damn right he has. "Shit just sucks sometimes."
Leon scoffs and rolls his eyes to whatever unseeing deity keeps fucking him over. But he's done wallowing. He's got something so much better standing right in front of him.
"You said this was a deal." Leon tugs him closer, one hand cupping the back of Matthew's head, pressing the words against his mouth. "So what do you want from me?"
Matthew smiles under his lips. "I just want you to be there to see it."
#hockey#mattdrai#matthew tkachuk#leon draisaitl#my writing#asks#of course the tragedy of the panthers losing the finals to vegas and matthew's injury looms over this one. I do so love dramatic irony#at least leon is there now so he and brady can both help matthew when he's hurt#matthew is upset they didn’t win and he couldn't keep his promise to leon but leon is like 'your bones are broken please calm down'#i'm actually usually pretty indifferent to petnames but I am so enamoured with matthew calling leon 'babe' I can just hear it#sometimes I don't think I can write romance because I'm very aromantic but then I write shit like this#and suddenly I'm like well damn I guess love is real#once again thinking I should be sued for defamation because I'm pretty sure 'min fic' does not mean 2k but oh well
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"You make me the happiest man, Kai-kai!!!"
#(🌹).♡ — Kalemelho#🖌️— My art#(🪶) *.✧ — Vermelho#(♡) 。.゚— Kalei Mauve#never play that one somethin' stupid cover by Michael Bublé near me.#I'll go CRAZY#ALSO NERO WAS THE ONE WHO HAD THE IDEA OF THEM WITH THE POKEATHLON UNIFORMS HEHEHE#tried to make them whe they were a little younger??? I don't think it looks much like it but still tried ARGHH#also. Vermelho was the one who helped Kalei to tie his hair#mhm. nero confirm#gives u the mic#they love each other so much you have no idea how often I think of them#I bet Vermelho loves to call Kalei Kaikai and Kalein (being the guy he is) is already annoyed#maybe deep down he likes it and he is trying so hard not to show it#just like his smile on the photo#also don't pay too much attention to the water. I traced over a water png I found on google I'm so sorry#how to draw splashing water tutorial google search#Imagine they were going to put on the uniforms and Kalei didn't like pink so Vermelho is like “you can take mine”#and then the pink doesn't evet fit#still he does it because he cares about Kalei#even if it seems like somethin silly#ARGGHHGHHGHGHRGGHGHE23!#"$12#helpme#HAPPYY PRIDE#TO THIS IDIOTS#I HOPE THEY KISS#⭐ — Nero!!!
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sunday six (i have been writing i pinkie promise)
tags: @four-white-trees @passthroughtime @phantasy14 @overdevelopedglasses @skysquid22
all my wips are spiralling out of control. anyway here's kuwagami again
“Slow down.” Kuwana spoke over him. “And breathe. You’re panicking again.”
Yagami went quiet and did as he was told, but only because it sounded like a good idea. Breathed in, out. Kuwana listened as he did.
“It’s just me.” Kuwana told him. “Talking to me isn’t a big deal, alright? You don’t have to be like this, like you’re... scared, or something. It’s not like you.”
Yagami laughed, ringing hollow even in his own ears. “Scared?”
“Then what is it?” Kuwana prompted. “That you feel about me?”
His heart supplied the word immediately, but it caught in his throat awkwardly. He choked around it, unable to get it out. Yagami’s mouth was open, but he didn’t say it, didn’t know if he could, if he wanted to.
#sunday six#for those of you who follow the kuwagami ao3 tag: this is a continuation of terrible awful realisation#and yes you can see yagami is suffering AGAIN#i love making him have a crisis over kuwana it's funny#but even funnier is kaito and sugiura trying to help yagami with his lover's spat because kuwana refused to answer yagami's phone call#unfortunately i wrote that weeks ago so even though i think it's gold it does noooooot qualify for sunday six#i started writing this a while ago but i've only just started to steer this towards a resolution 🙏thank god!#reading this with fresh eyes though. there is some funny stuff in there if i don't say so myself. i'm excited to show it when i finish#anyway i'm getting ahead of myself.... gotta finish first.....#the aforementioned out of control wips are:#senseific (always). this fic. yuuko fic. and then a previously unmentioned yui mamiya fic#it's so hard having the biggest brain ever /jk#well i guess it's good since i can just swap projects when i get tired of one#though it feels a little bit unweldy
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I've been feeling really down about where we're at wrt rally obedience, to the point where I'm starting to consider giving up on trialing.
Kaija continues to disengage as soon as we enter the trial ring. Our instructor thinks that I need to be more firm, and that I have to keep asking Kaija to reengage and focus, so she learns that she can't get out of work by 'demonstratively' disengaging from me.
This doesn't sit right with me at all. Even if this approach did work/yield better results in the competition ring... is that really how I want to get there? With a dog that believes she has no choice but to work, regardless of her emotional state or her confidence level?
#i want so badly so follow Sharon Carroll and Laura Waudby's protocols#but it pretty much requires me to go directly against our instructor#who for the record is the most 'positive' - or whatever you want to call it - obedience instructor that i'm aware of in this country#seems like there is no overlap between choice-based training and dog sports here (in terms of classes and instructors)#only one or the other#i can't do this on my own#and i can't constantly fight the opinion of the person i am paying to help me#the best solution i am seeing right now is to say that kaija might never step foot into the rally ring ever again#that we'll continue to train at her pace (because she does enjoy the training and so do i) but if that's where it ends then that's okay#i just don't know what else to do here so
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