#don't be weird about it though. sorry for not being the person you apparently decided i was

[an-ruraiocht]

anyone else have people continuously make wildly incorrect assumptions about you because of your interests? for me as a queer medievalist, irish speaker, and folk musician, it's a) that people expect me to be interested in ttrpgs and i really really am not, and b) that they often think i'll be interested in more mystical/magical/superstitious things and i'm also really not that, i'm a deeply unmystical cynic who is at best vaguely agnostic towards a "cosmic force" kind of godconcept and doesn't vibe with personified god(s) of any variety

i do my best to be polite about both misinterpretations but boy sometimes people project their expectations onto you hard and by the time you've realised that they've fundamentally misunderstood your personality it can be pretty awkward to be like "i'm sorry but you have mistaken me for an entirely different genre of person"

[naomi-nana]

bofurin and romance tropes . wind breaker

just as the title says, bofurin and romance tropes.

featuring : umemiya, sakura, kaji

cw : fluff, gn!reader, probably ooc

a/n : since there isn't many wind breaker fics right now, i'm gonna make one since im obsessed with the characters! if this goes well, maybe i'll make a second part:D

UMEMIYA HAJIME . friends to lovers !

the two of you first met in café pothos, when you were helping out kotoha since it was pretty busy that day. he was the one that noticed you first and came up to you with a huge smile on his face. he didn't say anything and only stared at you for a while, which makes you think that the leader of bofurin is a freak. but you talked to him anyway.

and that leads you to being friends with him somehow. and because of that, he won't stop bothering you whenever he got the chance to. "name, look! my plants are looking so beautiful under the moon today, hahaha!" he showed them off proudly at you. you only nod your head with a smile on your face. "that's great. but, why are you taking me to furin at night? surely this isn't because you want to have a bbq party with me."

"do you want to?!"

"just tell me what you want, ume."

he chuckled and looks over at you with sincere eyes that makes you feel weirded out. not because you're disgusted by him, but because he usually looks at you that way whenever he has something serious to say. "say, are you alone right now?" you tilt your head to the side at his question. "what do you mean? i'm with you right now."

"haha, sorry. i should've been more specific. i mean, are you single?"

SAKURA HARUKA . clueless and flustered !

"stop doing that!" sakura glares at you while his whole face glows bright red. suou and nirei only watches from the side as the interaction between you and him goes on. "doing what? i'm not doing anything!" you put the bandage on his injury. the three of them had just gotten back from a fight in the town. and apparently, sakura jumped way too early into the fight and got injured because of that. which is why you're trying to put bandages on his arms right now. keyword, trying.

"could you please stop moving?" you grab his wrist with your hand to make him stop running away from you, but it only makes it worse. he's now screaming like a crazy guy. "hey! get them away from me!" he stares at suou who only smiles at him.

"i-i think we should help him before he passed out from the amount of affection name is giving him." nirei whispers to suou, which earns a hum from him. "hmm, you're right. but this is way too amusing to watch. i say we wait a few more minutes."

KAJI REN . talkative and quiet !

kaji is known for being a person who's easily angry. well, he might look calm, but the second someone or something pisses him off, he's really scary. which is why people often run away from him. not the people in furin though, including you, who came from a different high school. of course people think you're weird, acting all smiley besides him while he's 'ignoring' you and listening to his music.

but, in reality, he actually hears whatever you're currently saying. "kaji, did you hear? apparently that new coffee shop is closing because they didn't sell well!" you crossed your arms together as you looked at kaji with a dissappointed face. "how sad, i really liked how their coffee taste!" kaji only nod at what you said, and didn't say anything back.

you noticed that he didn't say anything and decided to just shut your mouth, since you think that you're bothering him a little and you don't want him to get mad at you. but then, he suddenly stops walking. "what's wrong, kaji?" you noticed he stopped at the coffee shop you were talking about. he took off his headphone and opened his mouth to speak,

"do you..want to buy coffee?"

naomi-nana. do NOT repost, do not use,(with or without permission), do not reccommend or talk about my works outside of tumblr.

[is-it-cute-gf-au-edition]

Hey, thanks for calling my blog "otherwise good content" when most of my stuff is focused on Ford Pines. Seems kinda like a backhanded compliment, but maybe you're just rude IRL. I'm an understanding person.

Anyway, who are you to decide what is and isn't cute? I, personally, think Ford Pines is ADORABLE! I mean, look at him!!! Someone sent me this picture of him with his head stuck in a trash can! TELL ME that isn't some America's Funniest Home Videos (pet category) shit.

Also, apparently, the other guy in the picture punched the person who took the photo? IDK who he is, but he looks like Ford, so maybe Cipher made a clone? Clone's less cute, though. Explain that with your fucking rating system

Hi,

Okay, I'm going to clear a few things up for my followers.

First of all: I really don't want to come off as passive aggressive. That's not what I'm about, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't help anyone to be anything but completely up front when you're on the internet.

I'm sorry if my comment seemed backhanded. I started following Jellyskink back when she mostly posted OC character designs, when I was in a hardcore comics and graphic design phase. I haven't kept up with the blog regularly since. I am truly sorry for misrepresenting you here. (I really, truly am a fan of your work.)

With that said, I am not going to be passive aggressive about this. I'm being explicit: THE FORD PINES REPOSTS ARE NOT OKAY. How do I even begin to explain that you're reposting videos of a grown human man being treated as a pet, and not even well?

I rate content based on whether the pets in them are actually displaying "cute" behavior (playful, friendly, well-trained, healthy) or if they're showing signs of distress and mistreatment. That's my rating system. The fact that people want me to "rate" an adult human man when it is, again, against interdimensional law to treat sophonts as pets/livestock and humans are a sophont species, is already kind of weird.

But, hey. I'm willing to play along. I'm a good sport. If they're pet videos, I'll check to make sure that the pet isn't showing signs of distress or abuse!

Except he definitely is.

Jellyskink, let's just give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're just really bad at reading the room. I'm telling you now: Ford Pines is in obvious distress in practically all of these video clips. I don't think you care. I think you're a Cipher Loyalist and thinks the dorito can just treat Ford however he wants because he's a god. But if you're not, prove it: stop posting exploitative Ford Pines videos. They aren't even your flapping videos, you're reposting them. Go back to making cheesy OC Do Not Steal art. That contributed to the world.

Now, about the picture, since you asked:

RATING: NOT CUTE.

This is a guy who got assaulted with a trash can!! Even if this wasn't a human I'd be rating this not cute! It's horrible! And you know what else makes it not cute? You know how I always give things a bad rating when the handler or the person taking the video isn't being safe with it? Well, the guy taking the picture is 100% about to get assaulted. You know why?

THAT IS STANLEY PINES. Is he Ford's clone? I don't know - how do you count identical twins? Cipher didn't make him, they're brothers. You can literally look it up. How are you a so-called Ford Pines fan and you don't even know who Stanley Pines is? He's the sole proprietor of the anomaly distributor Pines Profundities. It's public record. He's in the New York business registry.

So, yeah. The guy taking the picture of a grown man stuck in a garbage can was being pretty stupid and is about to get punched by the man's brother, because that's what happens when you're a jerk to random strangers in New York.

[hootshooch]

Age Headcanons

I want to share my HCs for all the companion's ages (both so I can reference this later and because it's just fun). Aside from the canon numbers we have, these are just my personal opinions! But If I've gotten any canon information wrong please correct me and I'll edit it :-)

Astarion: 339 (physically 139)

Gale: 36

Halsin: 350

Jaheria: 155

Karlach: 27

Lae'zel: 22

Minsc: 149 (physically 65)

Shadowheart: 48

Wyll: 24

(I'm not including Minthara because Wyll and my Durge killed her in two turns using Hold Person and Searing Smite in my current playthrough so I have never recruited her before nor know much about her character so I can't make an educated guess about her age. Sorry.)

Explanations under the cut!

Astarion

Gale

I think his gravestone (the dates that say he was 39 when he died) is total BS and was just a mistake left in from when Astarion's race wasn't decided on during development (I know he was a tiefling at one point).

Idle Champions seems to confirm this because his age is listed as 350 on his card (meaning he was approximately 150 when he died). BUT, since Halsin also says he is 350 years old, I think it would be incredibly unlikely and sort of weird if two of the three recruitable Elves were the exact same age, so I rounded down so his age does align more with his in-game gravestone. However, unless someone made another mistake, 350 is (probably) his canon age.

Apparently there's conflicting information about what his age is listed as on Idle Champions too. Maybe it changed or something? I don't know. Regardless it makes the most sense to me if he's over 300 years old.

I know this might be an unpopular opinion but I actually do not believe that Mystra groomed Gale (though I think she IS abusive to all her Chosen, Gale included–but that is NOT what "grooming" means. Not in the way people are using the term. She just took advantage of him). Gale said she first appeared to him when he was a "young man" and Mystra was dead up until 1479 DR. It's very unlikely she went straight for Gale the moment she gained consciousness and Gale is visibly greying by the time you meet him (and I know some people theorize that it's just the netherese orb aging him from the stress, but I personally don't think that's what is happening). I think at MINIMUM he was 22 when Mystra first appeared to him and is in his mid-thirties now.

Halsin

He explicitly tells the player he's 350. As far as I'm aware he's actually the ONLY companion who ever gives an actual number for his age in the game, too.

Jaheira

She says she was a "young child" during the Ten Black Days of Elient in Tethyr (1347 DR) and I think it's safe to assume that "young" probably means anywhere from 10 years old to a baby. BUT she also says in the first Baldur's Gate game (set in 1368 DR), Jaheira says that she and Khalid have been married for 8 years and together for 10. I really don't think that the two of them got married as teenage harpers (at least I hope not), but it DOES seem like Jaheira got married young and was never really with anyone else before or after him (I do not consider Jaheira's romance with Gorion's Ward in BG2 to be canon, sorry). So that means she's was probably in her early 30s during the first two games. I just decided on 155 (making her 31-32 in the first two games) since that makes Jaheira only 20 years older than my Dark Urge (Alias, 135 years old) and it's infintely funnier when she makes fun of her for being old because they're both practically the same age.

Karlach

I know most people place her in her early 30s, but I honestly think she was younger when Gortash sent her off to Avernus. The age of majority in most of the Sword Coast is 16 and Karlach specifically refers to herself as "a kid" when she was working for Gortash. She was also still living with her parents at the time and says that she was working to make enough money to move them to the Lower City—and to me the way she says that doesn't seem like she was trying to give back to her parents as an adult but she was still actually a teenager who NEEDED to work because her parents didn't make enough money. I absolutely do not think Gortash is above hiring a poor teenager from a lower class district to be a bodyguard before selling her into compulsory enlistment. In fact that's exactly the kind of thing he'd do. I personally think she started working for him when she was around 16 and stayed there for a few years max before Gortash screwed her over (being in Avernus for a decade), so she's in her late 20s now. I like the idea of her being closer in age to Wyll so I just HC that her birthday is late in the year and "10 years" is more of a rough estimate of how long she was there rather than an exact timeframe (how was she keeping track of time in Avernus, anyway? did time even go by at the same rate in a different plane of existence?)

Lae'zel

She says that she's never been to the Astral before the game begins and she was trying to obtain a mindflayer head so she would be allowed to do so (which I think is a social coming-of-age for githyanki, based on how she talks about it). She's definitely the youngest. Her Idle Champions card says she's 22 and that seems right to me so that's the age I put.

Minsc

We know he was petrified in Baldur's Gate in 1409 DR, but beyond that, his timeline is kind of weird. In the first Baldur's Gate game he was on his dajemma (Rashemaar coming-of-age journey) with Dynaheir. Fyodor first went on his dajemma when he was fifteen and didn't return to Rashemen until he was nineteen. Minsc believes his dajemma was never truly complete because of Dynaheir's death (despite the Iron Lord saying otherwise), so I he must have been YOUNG before during the first two games (despite being bald and appearing older in his original portrait). Considering he was undergoing a coming-of-age ritual, he can't have been any older than 25 in the first two games (and that's only if he was adventuring an especially long time, but that seems to be the case). So he's about a century and a half in BG3, give or take, and physically in his mid-sixties (around the time he was petrified).

Shadowheart

I've seen a surprising amount of people mislabel Shadowheart as 40, but she says (in ambient dialogue) that Viconia was recording information about her INSIDE the cloister for 40 years of her life and in the flashback where she is kidnapped she looked around the same age as Arabella (who tells who she is nine and a half if you're evil enough to let Kagha kill her and use Speak with Dead on her). So she's actually closer to 50. Her Idle Champions card says she's 48 specifically so that's the age that I've gone with because that lines up with everything that we know.

Wyll

In the game, he says he was 17 when his father kicked him out and he was in "exile" for 7 years, so that places him at 24. His Idle Champions card says this, too. (fun fact: this also means he was 14 when Murder in Baldur's Gate takes place and Gorion's Ward dies).

[epickiya722]

What's annoying about the bk///dk shippers who have infiltrated the tag with their "bakugou is heartbroken and deserves better and deku should beg for forgiveness" bullshit is that these were the same people who said bakugou deserves a second chance after bullying deku for 10 years. That deku loves him too much to cut him off from his life. But one "no" from deku in 431 and they're acting like he's Satan and bakugou should cut him off from his life. The hypocrisy.

Also them writing revenge fics where baku gets with todoroki and TODOROKI of all people starts hating deku for breaking baku's heart. Lol that's his friend too...he'd be upset for both of them.

You know what's wild to me is that some shippers have already refused to accept that 431 even existed when it was just leaks when only like three pictures and a brief summary was shown but then turned around and continued to act like 431 exist with the whole "it got worse 😭" when it was revealed that Midoriya said no to just working at Katsuki's agency.

If the chapter already made you upset, then why continue to look into it?!

And conveniently decide it was worth paying attention to because Midoriya said "no"?

So you agree? So you agree that Midoriya would definitely say "no" even though you claim he wouldn't, right? You claim that 431 is "fake" and "Hori is a BkDk traitor" but then turn around and apply the "fakeness" to fics and agree to them and also being a traitor.

I know someone is going to say it. Yes, 431 has some weird writing but the responses to it is out of line.

I really hated to see BakuDeku shippers going "Deku should give back the suit" just because he talked to Ochako and dapped her up and I knew it was going to go down hill from there as always.

I immediately started unfollowing people because of it. I never thought I would be so disappointed, but I play myself because it's not like I haven't been disappointed before by the fandom and I had to unfollow people I thought I could be happy to see on my dash.

I don't think the shippers who decided that Midoriya is the worst person in the world for being a grown ass man making his own decisions actually like BakuDeku. Just their versions of it they like because no way for either character you're going to treat one character like he's evil incarnate and baby the other and have him hook up with someone close to both of them.

You're right, it's complete bullshit.

So Bakugou can get a second chance, but Midoriya can't say "no" despite that it would make sense given that he is still adjusting his schedule (keep in mind that 431 takes place possibly right after 430, so little time for Midoriya to even get used to being a Pro Hero and teacher), and would have to go back and forth between home, UA and then an agency (like did Bakugou think about that).

Bad writing or not, you can still make sense of it! If you're creative enough to write revenge fics, you're creative enough to come up with the reasons why Midoriya said "no".

It's not like their relationship is forever ruined or anything. Not like they still can't see each other. Not like they still can't be heroes together like they wanted to be!

No matter what, those two have that bond that they don't have with anybody. And who's to say? Midoriya could always change his mind. What happened to headcanons?

Oh, wait! No, apparently the headcanons some of these shippers have is that Midoriya should totally quit the job that he is happy with and just go by everything Bakugou says!

I'm sorry, but that is not the BakuDeku depiction I'm going for. Like, do they know how they sound?!

You're falling right into what antis and other haters say about the ship. By viewing it as something one-sided and unfair instead of equal.

[rccxox]

I’m sorry, but as one of the many people who were there from the start this “apology” is truly baffling.

The only reason I kept asking Red and Flynn to handle this and DMs is that even if we go to the east common room Red has ignored the fact that there are other minors in here even if they go to the east common room it still makes them uncomfortable and I tried saying it but they didn’t get the hint. no offense, but the thing that pissed me off is how the mod team decided to give Crimson probation which was weird in my opinion and people were disgusted by it. Laci said she sent proof even though it was censored to protect those victims, 2 victims came forward and she decided not to give in to the fact Laci could send it to you UNCENSORED.

And when you started the apology (in Discord), I read it thoroughly, let’s break it down hm?

Here are the screenshots of Red’s apology if you fully want to read them.

The side server comment threw me off because if it happened there and you say “safe place” and apparently if it doesn’t happen here we’re all good. I understand if it’s something you normally don’t do.

But god forbid if we keep minors in our “safe space” safe.

“They’d been ‘investigating’ crimson on their own before digging up the nsfw stuff” First off, they were gathering up enough evidence for the proof you so desperately need and whine about.

“But they reported it literal hours after it happened so. Another lie.” I understand shit like this is severe and sensitive but damn I guess people don’t deserve time.

Do I need to explain the “crying wolf” is so disrespectful imo, but who would lie about something like this??

Heavily edited is so icky because Laci had them censored for the victims' comfort and you didn’t even see where she said she could hand it to you uncensored.

Happy to listen to our concerns but do a mass ban on people who spoke out? Okay…

There are, of course screen shots but Tumblr only has ten images per post (lmao)

Red also apologized to crimson which was so fucking weird to EVERYONE.

And for Flynn to come in, and this doesn't mean any disrespect when she started talking about how laci was stirring up in the middle of the drama, when all she did was give you all the evidence, The needed talked about how she was an unreliable source when she gave them ALL the evidence.

And when I told Flynn it was very disrespectful for her to say that she said that's what she noticed but Laci didn't mean any type of offense or disrespect and what matters if you want it uncensored evidence there's something called asking she would have provided it to you and when you sent that screenshot with who was a minor and who was an adult in the server I was just like did you actually see if she (laci) was okay with that being spread but I never got to that because I don't want to “start” more drama. People are upset with Red because she didn't acknowledge the 2 victims that have come forward and said that crimson has done that to them BOTH. kind of sounds like she (red) was victim blaming in my personal opinion, This was something they needed to talk out privately because it's easier to deal with the on one on one then rather than 600 people coming at red. There were new people coming into the chat, and they got caught in the hay fire because they didn't have the full picture. There's a reason we can't do this publicly because if you do this privately you can have awhile to dissect everything, and somebody told me “oh somebody would complain about the lack of transparency” but they could have said “we're gonna settle this in DMs. We're gonna mute this channel for a bit, and when I need to, I don't want to hear any more about it, because we're gonna deal with it in dm’s”. that's all they needed to know, there were people there who didn't have the full picture.

I'm really exhausted and it’s five in the morning .

[treason-and-plot]

OC Evolution Tag:

Choose an OC and show the progress of the earliest to latest version of them.

I was tagged by @drawing-way-outside-the-lines, thank you very much!💖 I chose Roy for this tag. (I could write a novel about Roy's character evolution, but I don't think this tag was created for that purpose! All the same, I hope I can be forgiven if I go off on a few tangents.) Below is a screenshot from one of Roy's first appearances in my story, in June 2013.

Roy was introduced as Joël's best friend whom he had known from kindergarten, and was only ever meant as a secondary character, shamelessly dropped into the story to be Joël's sounding board and to help chart Joël's romantic challenges. But Roy was never going to be content with having a minor role! The first time it became apparent to me that he was girding his loins for a much bigger share of the limelight was the night he had one too many Pink Cougars at The Grind, and decided to strip down to his undies and dance on the tabletops.

It was also the same night he first met Anita:

After that, Roy more or less shared equal billing with Joël. He and Sonia's wedding was one of the highlights of Five Years Earlier, and still remains the most fabulous and immersive fun I have ever experienced since starting my Simblr.

As far as Roy's physical evolution goes, he was becoming noticeably more buff by January 2014, because he was working out 4 or 5 times a week to take his mind off he and Sonia's infertility woes. He also got a new skin, Ephemera's Fresh, that everyone was raving about at the time:

I loved how it made his body look, but I disliked the weird, waxy colouring it gave to his facial features:

The skin only lasted a few months before I went back to my previous default, Joedy’s Nephilim, which is still my default today.

(Roy and Sonia's infertility struggles also allowed Roy to show his vulnerable side, and hopefully added some depth and richness to his character. Up until then I had never written any chapters from Roy's POV, and I remember being very nervous about stepping into his shoes for the first time, because his personality type was so far removed from anyone I knew in real life! But it became so much easier once I could feel empathy towards him. It is upsetting for any male to be told he has a low sperm count, but for a self-described alpha-male like Roy it must have been devastating. But I think it also made him a lot more human and relateable.)

Okay, that's enough with the tangents! Here is what Roy looks like today:

His hair has never, ever changed, and his face hasn't been tweaked either apart from his famous scar. He has no tattoos. (He has lost a wedding ring, though!) So yeah, it's probably fair to say most of his evolution has been spiritual, emotional and psychological.

I would like to tag @wolfavens @pixelddump @nectar-cellar @winterspixels and @hancyan. No pressure, feel free to ignore!

[roxyteal]

(Jesus Christ it happened again. Mobile decided to not only publish the draft but also not save any of my edits. Pardon me if you see any appear) (Oct 30: Put context about his sobriety in the beginning, as opposed to in the middle out of nowhere.)

Today I am compelled to talk about Joe 5. It may include things I already mentioned in a different post, but those were in the tags so if any of this seems like not new info, sorry about that.

ANYWAY

Joe 5. Also this gets long so bear with me.

Joe 5 (but you can use either Joe or 5) came from a complete set copy of "Joe`s basics joke game". He was relatively fine as a person, with highs and lows. He's a bit of a snark but it's usually lighthearted. He even realized he had a problem and got clean, though... Alcohol still kinda haunts him as a result.

At some point, he and his entourage found the Webspace. On that day, they were among two others - a copy of Denied's Basics (the 10th apparently), and the 82nd Dave, who was a rogue for some reason.

Things were alright until it was mentioned that there was a pre-existing Joe and company around, and whether or not they'd like to merge with him, and so on. 5 thought that was weird as Hell and said no. But his companions said yes.

This resulted in 5 distancing from them since they're "not my friends anymore", and "I don't even know them anymore". And from then on, he resented the idea of merging, and that damned "Joe 1" for being so Goddamn happy. What's he all smiley about, he thought. The fucker.

But at least he still had his school. His empty, ghost town of a school. He quickly realized he couldn't live alone in that so he started staying in a tiny apartment, which quickly became a mess because of his plummeting self-worth. If only he'd just gone with everyone else, this could've been avoided, he also thought. It's his punishment for going against the grain. Being different. Maybe even "defective". Well shit, let's be defective. Why not.

He would have his code and model changed so that his hair would grow naturally. Somewhere in his reasons for this was needing to feel responsible for something, so he wouldn't completely fall apart. And maybe having it would make him feel better, whether about himself, in general, or both. He recalled that he considered asking his player about it in the past, but never got the nerve. Better late than never, he tried to rationalize. That's what people say to forgive themselves, right?

But the shoulder-length he requested (and wavy to boot, he didn't realize he had that...) spiraled out of control and now reaches his waist. Of course he couldn't keep up the end of the deal he put upon himself. It really needs the trim, but he couldn't be assed to try, and it disgusts him. The only good thing was how it never tangled. Game magic shit or whatever. But regardless of that, he looked like a cryptid, and he felt like one too.

At this point, his only comforts was TV, eating, and sleeping. He didn't need to do the last two obviously, but it gave him something to do, a distraction. When he ate, he could focus on the taste and nothing else. When he slept, he would stop being able to drown in his thoughts, welcomed instead into nothingness. When he watched TV, it numbed him enough to stop caring.

But even in his lowest moments, he refused to give in to his old addiction of... That. Diving back into it would truly mean the end had come. He'd rather be tortured to the brink before he had a sip again. Even now. Especially now.

He rarely ever left the apartment, kept the lights off, curtains to the balcony closed, and didn't allow visitors. He rarely ever left his bed, in fact. Sometimes he'd lie there and daydream about leaving. To where? Who knows. But this place was so painful to live in because everyone else has it great and he's got nothing so it's like... Just leave. But where?

He'd ponder it. Maybe just go out that tunnel and see where the Internet busses take him. Leave it up to fate. Maybe he'll find a nice little NeoCities domain. That whole area's so fuckin' large, there had to be a place where even 5, a worthless piece of shit, could fit right in! Yeah...

But he never gets out of bed. Out of the apartment. To the entrance tunnel. To the bus stop. To NeoCities. He just lies there, thinking about it. And nothing happens.

One day, he realized he was running out of food. The only reason he'd ever leave his trash heap of an apartment. By this point it was a matter of looking presentable enough to go out into that bright, colorful, vapid world crafted by that... Uh, mask man, and his spooky associates. Or keep staring at the dump that is 5's living space and contemplate if he could live without the sensation of eating. He still had his two other trusty vices, is it okay to lose one?

But, fuck. He loved the instant noodles. The frozen meals. The rice cups he could drizzle a little soy onto. And all the other kinds of convenient, packaged stuff. Goddammit.

So, he stepped around the trash, and next he knew, he was out the door. Fine. Fine. Fine! He'll get so much, he'll never have to come out again!

But as soon as he was outside the building, hair almost encasing his torso like a shroud, something shifted. Today's the day he's going to leave. Yeah. He'll get this done, pack up, make a pitstop to Vincent's or whatever pretentious name that supernatural son of a bitch had, flip off the gaudy building, then head straight for the tunnel. If he had time, he might even egg that fucking place!

This is it! God, it'd been so long since he was excited. Genuinely excited. He wanted to hold onto this forever.

Mood improved, he carried on with his mission. He ignored the other shoppers, checking off everything he picked up from his list. It was one of his first lessons here, because how could anyone remember everything they needed? He sure couldn't.

Things were going fine, until... He bumps into someone. Baldina. And she single-handedly became the craziest thing to happen to him.

He barely recalled the conversation, but it led to her hiring him as an assistant at her school, despite his clear lack of qualifications. It seemed that like Mr. Strobe-bow-skis, she too had plenty of people under her thumb, in numerous positions. A whole network of them.

One of which, 5 got to meet while struggling pitifully with the coffee machine, just seconds away from having a breakdown right then and there. This guy called himself, er, "I'm never"? But one word. Okay sure whatever. And in spite of 5's threatening tones and verbiage, Imnever was patient enough to show him how to use the brewer. Even informed him of how Baldina takes her coffee.

So what's Imnever's story? Oh, he teaches art here. He's more of an animator by trade, but this suited him just fine. Huh. Well, still more impressive than anything 5's ever accomplished.

The three of them became friends. He wasn't sure how that was possible, but finally he had a reason to go outside more often, instead of stewing in his own suffering for weeks at a time. In fact, slowly that poor excuse of an apartment turned into something a little more decent. It wasn't super tidy, but if Imnever, Baldina, or both wanted to visit, finally 5 could and would allow it.

It got to a point where, one morning, they surprised him with a present. A motorcycle. Apparently the two had taken his daydreaming musings seriously, about how cool it would be to have one. Also, 5 had forgotten what day it was - his birthday.

He cried. He couldn't possibly accept this. He didn't know how to ride it. He'd ruin it or hurt someone. All the classic, self-depreciating excuses he was told he was using.

But, as Imnever said, what you don't know, you fear. Once you do, you don't. Frankly that sounded confusing, and yet, these types of phrases helped him get this far, so... Just accept the damn thing.

The helmet was really cool, but he had so much hair that it wouldn't be able to fit. At long last, he got the trim he had desperately needed; up to just below the shoulders. But Baldina did it for him. Almost ironic, but at this point, who cares?

He forgot how light his head felt after the excess was cut down. It was a nice feeling.

Once he actually tried to overcome that fear of failure and took the chance to learn something, he was surprisingly quick on the uptake. And before long, he was zooming down streets in that badass chopper of his.

Maybe the Webspace isn't actually so horrible. But, thinking that, he reminisced about that day, where he was so sure he was gonna leave this domain behind and start over somewhere else. He slowed to a stop in front of Infinite School or something like that. Hm...

And he gave that treacherous high-rise building the bird, laughing manically as he drove onward. Of course he was going to stick around nowadays, but it still felt right to do. And boy was it worth it.

Life here had finally looked up for 5. Until, well... The demon showed up. But that's a whole other fuckin' story.

[mikailys]

MCL NewGen Ep 8 Commentary

Ik it's late and that several days have passed since the episode's release, but I wanted to wait a bit to let my thoughts simmer and write my review with a cool head. I need to rant about it so sit tight 'cause this one in particular is though lol.

As it was advertised, the whole episode revolves around Roy and a peculiar hobby of his: skinny dipping. Thomas is the one who spills the beans -as always- and everyone is curious about it. Roy explains that he only does it after the swimming pool closing hour and you know what: that is fine by me. Is it weird? Yes, but I'm not supposed to care what my co-workers do in their freetime so I personally don't mind.

And, unfortunately, that's all. To sum up, the plot is "co-workers try to go undercover to spy on their other coworker while he's skinny dipping :|

Since I don't like Roy, the premise of this ep didn't really appeal to me at all. But, weirdly enough, it had the opposite effect 'cause I've spent its whole duration feeling sorry for him. He gets the possibility once a month to train alone in a professional pool, and the six of us -which I recall you are his co-workers and his boss- have nothing better to do than to go spying on him? Just because they thought he subtly implied he wanted them to come see him?!

One. It is false since during the whole workday they kept "catcalling" him and joking about it and he wasn't really pleased to say the least. He put on a brave face, endured the working hours, and then left the office asap.

Two. You're adults, fully grown adults that are acting like literally teens. It's not normal for grown-ups to feel excited, see Elenda and Thomas, to play spies to see your co-worker naked. It is weird and creepy.

I'm glad at least I wasn't the only sane person to comprehend this was wrong and absurd on so many levels. Paradoxically enough, the only one I found myself agreeing with was Amanda, a character I couldn't stand until now, she gained a tons of points in my eyes + she's also a girl's girlie so gg.

Also, special mention to the hint of peer pressure put on Candy and Amanda by the quartet. I didn't like it at all and it shouldn't be even a thing considering the context.

No is no, even if Roy supposedly enjoys voyeurism, I personally do not.

This is really a shame cause they butchered so many characters with this unnecessary sketch, Thomas being the worst of them in my eyes. I'm not sure if my perception of him was wrong from the start, but I don't recognize this character at all. Silly jokes, creepy hobbies, and an immature, teenage-like attitude were never traits I would have attributed to him. I know I keep repeating myself but it's truly a shame that such poor writing has impacted the perception and development of the characters, which now seems clearly different from how they were portrayed in the beginning...

Going forward, I made then the choice to leave with Amanda and warn Roy about their ambush. It was nice to have that option tbh. The whole scene afterwards, sneaking into the public pool and hiding in the lockers, was utterly embarrassing because it’s not the kind of behavior you’d expect from people in their late twenties, but whatever the problem it's the whole context so I can't complain about it too much.

Then Roy catches the sextet and pulls off his counter-prank. After snitching on us, we all decided it was a good time to play with water guns. Again, the idea was fun and silly in a good way, but context-wise mmh...

Now the long-awaited moment I've been patiently waiting for: the encounter with Jason.

Look at him I love him sm nsgsg

I had no idea how they would include him in the episode since he practically had nothing to do with the Devenemential gang. And honestly -unpopular opinion- they probably should have left him out of this messy episode because the reason they gave for his involvement didn’t fully convince me, and the special scene was disappointing.

Apparently, he also has deals with the guards -worst security protocol ever if you ask me- and he goes there once a week to train. And here I was thinking that the CEO of a famous and well-known company would have a private pool or the means to rent one lol. Looks like everyone's feeling the pinch these days. Good job Jason, saving money like the rest of us poor unfortunate souls, such a relatable boss.

Fun fact, it appears one of his dreams is to defeat Roy? In a swimming competition?? Like, okay? I'll gladly be there to root for you the day you actually succeed then dear.

Well maybe not everyone shares the same hobbies as you and Roy, Candy. Besides, why would he know about Roy's interests?? He's not as deranged as Thomas, who keeps tabs on his colleagues' private lives...

ANYWAY. Candy feels cold and needs to get out of the pool if she doesn’t want to catch pneumonia. Jason offers to help her by closing his eyes, but she’s not fully convinced. Again, NOT EVERYONE IS A PERV, CANDY. You're just the unlucky girl who's got to work with them. In fact you should bring him to Devenemential to have him teach your colleagues the art of not being crazy maniacs, I'm sure that could be of help.

I won't spend too many words on the next scene since I've already made a whole ass post ranting about it and sharing my headcanon. However, regarding the mistress scene, I will say that yes, it was poorly executed. But if the entire episode had followed this direction I would have gladly signed off on it because, all things considered, it’s not even remotely comparable to the plot we've endured so far.

Now for the special scene I am conflicted. Ngl I really thought for a split second that we actually managed to kiss him, but I quickly snapped back to reality when I realized it was just Candy being delusional and I am just as much as her. She must have ingested way too much chlorine to be having such a mental trip lol. Anyway, I didn't like it very much because it was clear that BV didn't know what to come up with. The fact that they managed to incorporate Jason into the plot was something, but asking for a well-written special scene was apparently too much.

On a side note, I’m DEAD TIRED of having to endure the worst humiliations in every single episode when we’re on Jason’s route. It's pretty embarrassing, and, at lest for me, it’s not easy to move forward without cringing every few minutes. Moreover, it always seems like he has to have the upper hand in every situation. When is our Candy going to stop acting like a fool and step up her game??

And that's all, the episode ends with Candy leaving the pool, wondering if she and Jason will ever stop meeting in the most weird way spoiler: you won't i assure you.

Now for the next episode I fear we’re in for another ‘fun’ plot since it’s called A Child at Heart, but honestly I have no idea what these interns will actually get up to. Maybe the theme will revolve around generational differences, since they seem to be Gen Z while our colleagues are more on the border of being Millennials? Idk but I do really hope the writing will be better than in this ep.

All things considered, I still have faith in BV. I know they have the ability to write a good story with a solid foundation when they want to—it’s just that I don’t know what’s happening with this series in particular. As other players have pointed out, it feels like this plot was originally conceived when NG was still set in a high school, and now they’re trying to repurpose it in a more 'adult' way. The problem is, it’s just not working.

The Halloween event is approaching, and let’s hope it can alleviate some of the discontent in the community. Hopefully the upcoming episodes will be better since they’ve addressed the topic in the forums but we'll see.

[canirove]

My neighbour Rúben | Chapter 7

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Masterlist

“Lucy, what are you doing here?”

“I live here” she chuckled. “Why so surprised?”

“I wasn’t expecting you until later.” 

“I can tell… Are you hiding someone in your room?”

“What?” I asked. 

“I saw the beer bottles in the living room, and I don’t see you drinking all that on your own.”

The beers. Oh, good. I was so… gone after saying goodnight to Rúben and his kiss, and also so worried about Julia, that I had totally forgotten about them.  

“No, no. I shared them with Rúben.”

“Oh my God, is he in your room?” Lucy asked, lowering down her voice.

“What? No! He just stayed for a bit after we put Julia to bed, nothing else” I said, my face definitely looking bright red.

“Just a bit? I counted six beers.”

“Ok, fine. Maybe it was a bit longer.”

“And did anything happen?” Lucy asked with a playful smile.

“No. We just talked.”

“Really? You were drinking with a man like that and nothing happened?”

“Yeah” I shrugged. But it could have happened. I’m pretty sure he was planning on kissing me before Julia woke up.

“Do you like him?”

“What?”

“Rúben. Do you like him? Because I think he likes you.”

“He doesn’t like me” I snorted, crossing my arms over my chest. Why was I acting so… defensively?

“I met him not long after Julia was born, and he had never invited us to a game or come over for a movie night. Though it would have been a bit weird, because my ex was super jealous of him.”

“He was jealous of Rúben?”

“Oh, he was. Rúben has always adored Julia, he loves kids. And every time we crossed paths he would ask about her, make her laugh… those cute things. And my ex would get so mad… More than once our arguments started because he was jealous, thinking that I was flirting with Rúben when I was just being nice.”

“What a dick. He was the one actually doing the cheating, not you.” Because that was the reason why he and Lucy had divorced. He had been cheating on her with Julia’s piano teacher, and she probably wasn't the first.

“Exactly! So you can imagine our fight when I found out. It was… nasty.”

“I’m sorry, Lucy.”

“Oh, don’t be. I’m so much better like this… And I am not interested in Rúben in any shape or form beyond admiring how hot he is. He is all yours” she winked.

“I don’t…”

“Mami!” Julia said behind me, running towards her mum. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“So have I, princesa.”

“I am not a princess, I am Queen Elsa! She is the princess, princess Anna" she explained. "And Rúben is Kristoff.”

“Is he?” Lucy said, looking at me. “Isn’t he Anna’s boyfriend?”

“He is. But oh, mami, I have to show you the doll I got on my Happy Meal last night!” Julia said, jumping from her mother’s arms and running away.

“Anna and Kristoff, uh? Even Julia knows.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“You won’t believe what Julia’s teacher told me yesterday when I met with her” Lucy said. Since this weekend Julia was with her dad, we met to have lunch together just the two of us and organize everything for the traditional Christmas party all the neighbours celebrated together. Each year a different one was the host, and it was her turn.

“Is she struggling?”

“Oh, no, she is doing great. She actually is one of the best in her class, so I guess I have to thank you for that. But this was about a personal matter.”

“Personal? What do you mean?”

“Apparently, kids have been asking Julia if she has two mums, because someone is going around saying that the reason why my ex and I got divorced, was that I cheated on him with the piano teacher. You.”

“No way” I gasped, almost choking with my drink.

“Yep. You suddenly showed up one day, Julia said you were her piano teacher, there had been rumours about one being the cause of our break up, and they decided that that was what had happened. They believe that I sacked my old nanny and that it is you now taking care of Julia because we can finally live our love and don't have to hide anymore.”

“I… wow" I chuckled. "What about Julia, tho? What has she told the other kids? Because she hasn’t said anything to me.”

“She doesn’t understand what they mean. But her teacher told me that if they ask again, she’ll explain to them that Julia has a mum and a dad, and use that to explain to them that these days there are different types of families and they all are valid.”

“Oh, good. And the mums? Are you gonna tell them something?”

“Nah, it isn’t worth it. I’ll just wait until one day you show up with Rúben and leave them confused” Lucy smirked while taking a sip of her wine. 

“Lucy…”

“Sorry, I’m sorry. But I already told you. I think he likes you, and you definitely like him. And I know you don’t have much experience with guys and dating, but trust me, he is one of the good ones. I don’t know if he is your one or not, but whatever happens, it will be worth it” she winked, making me blush. Because I knew what was crossing her mind in that moment. “Anyway, there is something else we must discuss.”

“About the party?”

“No, but it has to do with my apartment. One of the things the mums at the school are gossiping about is that you and I are living together. And to be honest, we kind of are, aren't we? So I think we should make it official. You should move in with Julia and I.”

"I don't know, Lucy...”

“Like I said, you are basically living with us already. You have your own room and most nights you sleep there, so why pay the rent for your apartment and have to worry about missing the bus, when you could just live with us and save all that money?”

“I guess it makes sense. But are you sure? What if one day you want to bring someone home and I am there?”

“Then I’ll kick you out and send you to Rúben’s house.”

“Lucy…”

“Sorry, sorry” she apologized again. “But it is an option. And if you move in with us, it means you can see him more often, get to know each other a bit more, and see if there is something going on. I think it is a win-win situation, and Julia would love it.”

“Fine, ok” I said after thinking about it for a few seconds. It all made sense, didn't it? The Rúben part included. “I’ll move in with you.”

“Great!” Lucy said, clapping her hands just as Julia does when she gets excited. “Let’s order some champagne to celebrate.”

“I thought we were meeting to organize the party” I chuckled.

“Oh, yes. We can do that later” she replied, calling for the waiter.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Oh, for fucks sake!” I yelled, sitting on the floor. 

It was moving day, everything was going wrong and it was all my fault.

I thought I could do it all by myself, but turns out that I had way more shit than I remembered, and I ended up with two huge suitcases and a bunch of boxes, all of them very close to exploding. Which was what had happened the moment I made it to our floor. 

I left one of the boxes on top of a suitcase but it wasn’t well balanced. When I saw it was falling I tried to catch it, failed, and both the box and the suitcase fell to the floor, making a horrible noise that I’m sure everyone in the building had been able to hear. And to make it even worse, the suitcase’s zipper had broken and half my clothes were scattered all over the floor.

While I was picking everything and cursing, I heard a door opening. 

“Please don’t be Rúben, please don’t be Rúben” I said under my breath.

“What the hell happened here? Are you ok?” Rúben said, bending down next to me.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. My suitcase, not so much.”

“Let me help you” he said, picking up some of my clothes. Or to be precise, a bag full of knickers. 

“I don’t need help with this” I said, quickly grabbing the bag from his hand, my face burning. “But you could pick those boxes over there and bring them inside.”

“Ok” he smirked. Because even though I wasn’t looking at his face due to how emabarrased I was, his voice was saying it all. “Are you sure you don’t need help with that suitcase?”

“I…” I needed help. The zipper was completely broken and I wasn’t strong enough to carry it. He, with his big arms, definitely was. “Ok. But don’t open it.”

“I won’t, I promise.” 

As expected, he lifted it with ease and I followed him inside the house while carrying the other suitcase. 

“Where should I put this?”

“My room. Over here.”

“Are you… are you moving in with Lucy and Julia?” Rúben asked after leaving the suitcase on the floor.

“I am, yes. Lucy thought it was the best idea since I spend most of my time here.”

“Are gonna be proper neighbours?”

“We are, yes.”

“Well, my door will always be open for you. Whatever you may need.” 

When he said that, I made the huge mistake of looking at him… and there it was. That smirk that made my knees feel like jelly. 

“Thank you” I muttered. “And for helping me too.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“The will to unpack all of this” I sighed.

“If you aren't in the mood for it, why don’t we go out somewhere? The Christmas market is already open, so we could have a look, get a hot chocolate...”

“Are you allowed to drink hot chocolate?” I chuckled.

“I am allowed to eat and drink many things. I just choose not to do it because I like being healthy. But when you are around, I can’t help but sin.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It is worth it” he smiled. But it wasn’t one of those smirks he liked giving me when he was being cheeky. This was different. This was an honest smile, though there was something else there…

“Rúben!” Julia said, running into my room and throwing herself at him. “Why are you here? Are we watching "Frozen" again?”

“Oh, hello” Lucy said from the door. “Didn’t know we had company.”

“I was just helping with the move.”

“One of my suitcases exploded in the hallway” I explained. “Anyway, why are you here? Weren’t you going to the park?”

“We were” Lucy said. “But Julia saw the lights of the Christmas market, wanted us to go there, and I had forgotten my wallet. That’s why we came back.”

“Do you want to come with us?” Julia asked. “We are going to buy decorations for the tree.”

“Oh, yes, come with us! We can have like a welcome party there and get ourselves some hot chocolate. Do you drink hot chocolate, Rúben?” Lucy asked, making us laugh. “Why is that funny? Am I missing something?”

“Nothing, don’t worry” Rúben said. “But I like the idea of the welcome party. I’m in.”

“Then it is settled. It’s three against one, and we can’t have a welcome party without the main guest. Get a scarf and a hat, it is cold” Lucy said, not giving me a chance to complain.

[dullgecko]

Two things, 1) sorry if this is long and I ramble and 2) even if this is a pretty light hearted headcannon, I'm going to add a trigger warning just in case because I don't wanna trigger anyone on accident.

TW: Knife

I feel like Fabian would buy the bad kids knives. It started with Kristen, she is their healer and only has her staff as a weapon. Then it was Adaine and Fig because they are also magic users and, even though they have better weapons than Kristen, it is always nice to have a secret knife. He made it very clear that he knows they can all hold themselves great in battle but it is good to have a weapon that none knows about. He got ones for Gorgug and Riz because he didn't want them to be left out and also just in case. He also got himself one. Riz is scary with knives. I have a few thoughts about what kind he would get them but I wanted to know what you think he would get them!

Kristen LOVES her knive, Fabian got it when he went to visit his grandfather over a long weekend. Its small and the blade is as sharp as a scalpel which he thought was fitting given it was for their primary healer (thats also what she ended up naming it, because she thought it was funny). It wasnt specifically forged for her but Telemaine had a lot of elven forged blades lying around that he had apparently forged for 'practice' thousands of years ago and had just tossed in a corner that he let Fabian take. Its incredibly light, and the handle is covered in beautiful engravings that Fabian did himself with the help of Telemaine. He even gave her a matching scabbard, so she can clip it to the back of her belt so she has easy access if it's needed.

Once he decorated one for Kristen he realised that it would be weird to just gift ONE friend a custom blade, so he just decided to engrave one for all of them.

Adaine gets a very short dagger, small enough to be kept hidden under her jacket as a backup. She hasnt acually used it in a fight yet but it makes an EXCELLENT package-opener. Even though she's constantly using it to cut through cardboard, the dagger hasnt lost any of its sharpness yet.

Fig doesn't seem to really understand the concept of a HIDDEN blade, given that she's constantly fidgeting with hers at every opportunity. Hers is an incredibly thin stilleto dagger that when she's not messing around with it she keeps it tucked into one of her boots.

Gorgugs, Fabian thinks, was his grandfathers attempt to make a machete. It's massive for a half-elf but just the right size for their barbarian to keep hidden on his person. Somehow, despite being made of the same elven metal as all the others, it's also incredibly /heavy/. The heft of it probably would help a normal blade cut through thick vegetation but the keenness of the blade makes the weight totally unnecessary. Gorgug dropped it once and it buried itself up to the handle in concrete like it was hot butter.

Fabian had a tough time finding something that he thought would be functional for Riz, given his size, but he ended up settling on a pair of karambits with rings on the end so the goblin could spin them around to adjust his grip. He thought the claw-like shape and small size suited the goblin the best and he was pleased when he absoloutly LOVED them. Riz immediatly ended up readjusting his loadout to incorporate them in a holster hidden against the small of his back under his vest. They become Riz's favorite close-range sneak attack weapon and Fabian thinks of them as his friends 'backup claws'.

Riz is by far the best out of all of them at combat with daggers even though he prefers to fight long range and USUALLY if he gets in close he defaults to his claws and teeth. He'll use blades up close if he knows whatever they're fighting tastes bad though (he has a particular dislike for biting undead enemies), some things he also just doesnt want in his mouth (plant monsters can be tricky and he has more than once had to pop some allergy medication after a fight because it left his mouth incrediby itchy).

[that-tmr-girl]

Unconventional Love Confessions

Despite the circumstances Aris can't help but pay attention to you.

Masterbation, blow job, vaginal sex

It was pretty obvious a desert would have terrible weather. What nobody expected was the mall of cranks and all the rocks or sharp objects.

Just two or three days ago, maybe more, maybe less, since time seemed to be non existent here, your shirt got caught on a fence during one of those times you were running for your life. Now your midsection was on display, and your cleavage was significantly clearer. Of course you noticed but paid it no mind. Nobody else did either.

Or so you thought. Despite the circumstances going on Aris couldn't help but find his thoughts becoming more and more rated r. It didn't help that the boy had already been fairly attracted to you.

Now night had fallen, something that gave you the courtesy of colder air, and Aris had only been having more and more in inappropriate thoughts of you. Of what your body looks like, feels like, tastes like.

Even though there was clear danger in leaving the group he couldn't handle not having some sort of release for another second. With the comfort of knowing everyone was exhausted and asleep he quietly snuck away from the group.

Once he was a safe distance away he quickly unzipped his jeans and took his dick in his hands. Slowly pumping from tip to base he could feel himself grow harder and harder as he imagined it was you. He quietly moaned your name as he did.

What the boy didn't realize in his desperation was that you had been missing from the group when he left. Since you couldn't sleep you took a little stroll. Maybe it was a stupid decision, but you needed to think.

About? Everything that had happened. Plus, there was one other more lighthearted but far less innocent thing. You had felt a growing attraction for Aris that you couldn't satisfy.

Sighing as you made your way back to the campsite you heard soft moans. Still, there wasn't any place to go, and the Scorch didn't really offer any hiding spots. You were out in the open. All you could do was turn around.

Deciding you were too tired for that you quietly made your way further down and figured if you kept your eyes on the ground you wouldn't see anything you didn't want to. The darkness also lent a helping hand.

As you came closer to your campsite you heard your name. You couldn't help but stop in your tracks as you recognized the voice saying it. Aris, and it was clear what he was doing.

While some may feel weirded out you couldn't help but feel flattered as your cheeks flushed. You couldn't say you hadn't had fantasies of him before.

Unfortunately, at least in the moment, the moonlight had made the outline of your figure clear. Just as Aris was about to come to his release he saw a person. A wave of shame came over him which only intensified when he saw who it was.

Judging by the way he had gone silent you knew he had spotted you. Deciding there was no point in pretending nothing happened you raised your hand.

"I take it your fond of me on some level?"You asked, though you didn't need a response. The answer had become apparent a long time ago.

"I'm rather fond of you too,"You admitted, not knowing where the burst of courage came from. Surprising both of you you went to take a seat near him. By now Aris had regained his senses and the ability to move as he removed his hands from his still throbbing cock and slowly and almost silently zipped his jeans back up.

"You're attracted to me,"You state. That was one truth, but there was another. Aris was head over heels for you. Not just because of how you looked but because he genuinely loved being around you.

Still, he wasn't good with words so all he could do was mumble out a weak 'yes' and 'I'm sorry.'

"This may sound a bit strange, but I don't think of this as embarrassing,"You confess, your voice nonchalant yet still filling Aris with a longing he wanted to stop. You in general did so.

"Oh,"He murmured, fiddling with his sleeves. Taking notice of this you move closer to him.

"You're nervous right now, aren't you?"You question, though you already know. Aris is someone you can read fairly easily. You pay more attention to him than he thinks. It's just the fear of the other not doing so that gets in the way of you two realizing that.

"In fact, I think it makes me want you even more,"You whisper in his ear, sending chills up his spine.

"Does the thought of that scare you?"You asked.

"A little,"He admits, finding his voice.

"Do I scare you?"You ask, still whispering into his ear.

"No,"He answers firmly.

"Does this?"You ask, kissing his neck. For a moment he was sure this was a dream for your lips on his skin was not something he could have ever imagined would come true. Only when you trail a hand up his jaw and turn him to face you does he believe what is happening.

He feels his erection return, a small noise involuntarily leaving his lips as it does. Taking notice of this you connect your lips, once again taking him by surprise. Licking his bottom lip, you silently ask for entrance, which he eagerly grants, letting you explore his mouth. Your spit now mixing together your tongue grazes his. Feeling himself grow needier he can't help but moan into your mouth. Smiling in satisfaction your hands move down his stomach and to his noticeable bulge.

Taking his hand and pulling the boy up so his back is against the rock fills him with confusion until you drop to your knees. Looking up at him and requesting permission, he nods his head, partly out of disbelief this was happening and partly because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to properly speak if he tried.

Accepting his answer you yank his jeans to his ankles and look up at him one last time before discarding the last bit of fabric on his legs. Seeing him already throbbing, his tip dripping, you place your hands around him before pumping, agonizingly slow, yet he has no complaints.

Already knowing just how desperate he is you take him in your mouth, swirling your tongue around his tip. He takes a sharp inhale of breath as you trail your tongue along the side of his cock before taking all of him in your mouth, your hand still pumping what your mouth can't reach. His hands make their way to your hair, lightly tugging at the strands, no doubt leaving knots. As you bob your head he makes a makeshift ponytail, just barely pushing you a little further into him. Feeling him hit the back of your throat you softly hum. "Don't stop. Oh god Y/N, don't stop,"He breathes out. Feeling a sort of pride at his words you increase your speed causing him to twitch in your mouth. ''Fuck. I'm close,"He moans, his breathing heavier. You use your hand to massage his balls as your warm mouth is still pleasuring him. Twitching into your mouth one last time he comes to his release. You swallow his white liquids before removing your mouth.

Looking down at you and catching his breath he still wants more. Even more so he wants you to feel this sort of pure bliss. As you stand up he kisses the corner of your mouth before pressing his lips against yours. Slipping his tongue into your mouth his fingers reach your core, rubbing small circles above your entrance. You hum into his mouth in appreciation of the euphoric gesture. You pull away as his hands remain exactly where they are.

"Do you want to fuck me Aris?"You asked, panting at the feeling of his hands. To your surprise he shakes his head.

"No. I want to make love to you,"He whispers, knowing the difference. You were not just a quick hookup, someone to use for a night and forget about the next day. You were the girl he hadn't just been lusting after, but emotionally yearning for. Someone more special than a quick fuck.

Feeling your face turn red at the sweetness and sincerity of his words you smile into another passionate kiss. He removes his hands to pull on your jeans. Carefully turning you around so you are the one against the rock he tugs your pants down, your panties following.

Reaching his hand up your shirt he takes one of your nipples in-between his fingers, softly pinching the sensitive skin. You tug your shirt over your head as his fingers trace down your hips, his touch lingering.

Looking up at you, seeing the way you shudder with euphoria he feels himself grow needier, having a desire to make you continue to feel that way but far more noticeable and extreme. Looking up at you as his fingertips stay where they are you give him a nod of permission.

He gently nudges himself inside you, watching your face screw up with pleasure. Being sure to be slow he keeps himself inside you so you can adjust to him, holding his breath as his cock seems to grow harder. You feel a slight burning sensation before it was traded for a need for him to move. Softly moaning and placing your hands on his shoulders he gets exactly what you are saying as he thrusts the rest of himself into you. You throw your head back as he reaches your core while his hands hold your hips in place. You allow yourself to moan his name as he sucks down on your collarbone, nipping on your skin, to stifle his cries of pleasure as he pushes himself in and out of you. Feeling your legs start shaking you cry out just a little louder. Wanting to hear it again and somehow being more turned on from your noises, he increases his pace. As he slams himself into you, growing rougher with each desperate thrust, your walls clench around his cock. Feeling this and knowing he is the one causing this erotic reaction makes him proud as he makes sure to be going as deep inside you as possible. Reaching your core you throw your head back as your nails scratch at his back, leaving marks only you two would know were littering his skin. With one last thrust your walls grow tighter a final time as you come to your release, making him do the same, filling you up with his warm liquids. Holding himself inside you they cascade down your thighs.

Not caring about the consequences you happily keep him inside you, as he reaches your core causing you to moan. Not realizing it was possible he quickly becomes erect while inside you.

Seeing the way you let out a happy sigh and delighted whimper he thrusts himself into you again, waiting for your reaction. When he is met with you bucking your hips into his he repeats his previous action. Your hands wrap around his neck as he unexpectedly grabs your ass before wrapping your legs around his waist. Keeping your hold on him you feel your legs begin to shake and your walls clench around him yet again with each penetration. "Aris. I'm close,"You breathe out, though he can already feel you growing tighter. Seeing the way you were about to scream his name he crashes his lips against yours. Moaning into each other's mouths he thrust into you one last time before you both come to your release. Now out of breath he unwraps your legs from his waist as he pulls out of you. Before you can fall to the ground he catches you and slowly slides down the rock with you.

Seeing the way you're visibly sore and exhausted as you come down from your high he helps pull your jeans up for you before pulling your shirt back over your head. Only then does he get dressed.

Smiling in appreciation you lean your head against his shoulder. The small action, despite being smaller, feels just as intimate to him because it involves being close to you.

"I love you,"You mumble, already on your way to a deep sleep. He can't tell whether you said it on purpose nor does he care.

"I love you more,"He whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. Staying in that same position you both fall asleep under the stars.

[candyskiez]

I've said it before and I've said it again: the way people treat people who were raped was just as traumatizing to me as being raped itself, if not more. Teaching people that this horrible event defines them and is a Sensitive Subject that can never be brought up and can never be shown in anything and is "too much" does an impact, shockingly. Seeing everyone attack sa survivors and accuse them of lying and having everyone think you're just trying to ruin someone's life does a number on you. Having no autonomy whatsoever over what legal forces do about it does a number on you. I'd argue that everyone suddenly finding out about me being raped because I finally worked up the courage to tell someone and she snitched and it completely blowing up my personal life was just as traumatizing to me as being assaulted, lol. It gave me way more trust issues and I can't talk about my trauma with my friends anymore 👍. No one ever asked what someone Did to me when I tell them I was emotionally abused, though I don't doubt that it happens, but my mom asked "with WHAT" when I told her my grandma raped me. Which, by the way, is a really fucked up way to respond to someone confessing they got raped and if you do it they're allowed to kill you. I don't care if you're confused. If they say they were raped, they were raped.

When you say you were raped, everyone becomes so so suspicious of every word you say. Everyone practically grades you on whether or not your circumstance was Enough to be considered rape or if you're being honest. Because people are so deadset on rape being completely divorced from any other kind of crime, like it's not just another form of violence. So if you say "this person raped me" they hear "so you think this person is Satan and Pure Evil. But they're nice to ME, so clearly you're lying!"

Just because someone's nice to you doesn't mean they aren't fully capable of doing something absolutely horrible to someone else. You making rape into some mythical thing that only happens in one set extreme circumstance and can never happen to anyone else isn't helping and is in fact actually hurting people. My rapist is apparently very nice to most people. I don't think she was attracted to me in the slightest. She saw me getting into a situation where she believed I was putting myself at risk of assault or being preyed upon, so she "showed me" what would happen if I didn't stop. It had nothing to do with attraction. I explain why she did it because you need to understand that by deciding only a very specific type of person with a specific motive could do something, you predispose yourself to not believing victims of people outside of that specific image. Kill the image of what a rapist looks like in your head. Kill the image of what a "good victim" looks like in your head. I was incredibly unstable and unpleasant after being assaulted because I'd just gotten fucking assaulted and was in denial of it. I'm still trying to become a better person. Often the sweet nice person is the rapist and the "weird crazy person" is being abused.

It's also important to know motives for rape because. Surprise surprise, you are not immune to being a rapist. You are not immune to traumatizing someone via sex. You are not immune to abusing someone sexually. Rapists don't wake up and go "time to traumatize a child!" and pretending they do actively harms victims. People didn't believe me because they couldn't conceive of someone as kind as my grandma raping me, even though she abused me on a daily basis. You need to be aware of people's boundaries and mental states during sex. Including if you're submissive, btw.

This is getting into a tangent, sorry. Is this a vent? This might be a vent. I dunno. You can reblog this if you want, but keep in mind this was written when I was kind of emotional so it might not be the most polished or account for Every Single Way it can be misinterpreted. Think before you argue, please. I probably do not mean the worst thing you can think of.

[meanbossart]

I've been really enjoying your fic and it got me curious about how your campaign went??? I got the important parts (your Durge denied Bhaal, Shadowheart spared nightsong I think, Astarion obviously didn't ascend) but what else happened? Will we ever see any of the other companions?

Thanks for enjoying the story! I can say with pretty much certainty we won't be seeing any other canonical characters from the game, Jaheira, Minsc and Halsin would have stayed behind in Baldur's Gate, as well as Wyll. My Durge killed Lae'zel early in the game and Karlach also died at the end of my campaign.

Gale's character decided to go after the crown, and while he was the staple fourth member of my party the relationship had always been uh... Tense. This was before they apparently patched out how needy he was, but frankly it made for a really interesting story since i just kind of assumed his character was kind of a creep wearing a nice-guy's face. Also, to be fair, I DID fall for his "wanna see a magic trick" line but that just kindled the fire to my theory that he's actually a fairly manipulative person (and perhaps he's unaware of it). MIND YOU PLEASE that this doesn't mean i don't like his character - honestly i feel like I got a REALLY interesting side of him in my campaign and i wouldnt have it any other way - this was a party composed of the dark urge, Astarion, Shadowheart and GALE and to have us all turn down power and glory only for the goody-two-shoes wizard of the camp to turn kinda evil and power-hungry made for a really satisfying narrative.

... Sorry i ended up rambling about Gale LOL to actually answer the rest of your question, my campaign went like this:

I made a Fighter, champion sub-class, BIG hulking drow because i thought it would be funny. Because i went in blind I started off as a confused homicidal murderer who is a liiiittle weirded out about his urges but he doesnt stress TOO much about it. Is fairly standoffish and distrusting toward all of his companions which made for a weird start. Motivated by gold, killing things, getting this worm out his head and making off-color jokes. Ends up siding with the Tieflings because i also decided that, as a very hedonistic character who thinks we should be lunatics because we want to rather than because a cult is telling us to be, my durge would profoundly hate the absolute. As a male drow he also really hated Minthara so yeah, easy choice there. As mentioned above, I also killed Lae'zel when she tried to murder-suicide everybody.

I wasn't going to fuck anyone, believe it or not, so during the tiefling party i went with Gale because it SEEMED like he just wanted to show me something neat (it ended early because i failed his checks and i guess he can't get hard unless i can cast fireball). Also, at this point even though i made mostly "good" moral choices i *was* still a dick the whole time - despite this, everyone in camp wanted to fuck me BESIDES Astarion, which was so fucking funny and devastating that I decided my Durge would, from that moment on, turn on the charm and the flattery and make it his mission to bang him. So yes, they were manipulating each other. I don't have to explain why that made for a really really fun little dynamic. Also Astarion had to tell me he was a vampire through dialogue instead of biting me and i got to say "yeah duh" which was hysterical.

I finally banged him sometime during the underdark (didn't go to the creche at all) and during Act 2 I followed the same pattern of doing mostly the Good Thing while being arrogant the whole time, I fell into a kind of chaotic-neutral/true-neutral aligment and watched my little homicidal maniac cluelessly stumble his way into a hero's journey. I had also really grown to like Shadowheart at that point after having a really negative first impression of her character and she basically became my durge's best friend. Astarion also grew on me for all the reasons we know and love and he did his confession to me sometime in late act 2. I Never met Araj (though i think i mention her in the fan story only because her interaction is interesting) so I got the dialogue that isn't prompted by her encounter. I also had to "break up" with Gale at this point which boy that sure came as a surprise to me! I also didnt break the shadow curse.

Because I didnt kill isobel (Again, my guy didnt like people telling him what to do or not to do), my little butler guy made me wanna kill Astarion. I SWEAR this happened pretty late in game, maybe even in the first night in baldur's gate which i realize is unusual. Naturally I didnt and I decided that would be the turning point where my Durge decides to not just Go With The Flow of things but actively fight his urge and pursue its root cause. He tried to be more of a good person from that point on which was kind of a clumsy effort lol

He completely antagonized the emperor immediately upon him revealing his true identity, stole the orphic hammer from Raphael's house, betrayed Gortash after setting an "alliance" with him, killed Orin (she kidnapped the orphan and killed her in front of me because i failed the check :| ) stopped Astarion from ascending and helped Shadowheart kill everyone in the house of grief, i let her make her own choice regarding her parents and she decided to kill them. I also encouraged her to not immediately align with the Selunites just because of her past.

I got Astarion the thing that helps him read the necromancy book and i cannot tell you how satifyins it was that, after giving up unspeakable power by killing Cazador, that dude and his little ghoul army basically mauled Orin and her grandad for me practically by themselves while I was down on the floor with 1 health. PROUD OF YOU BUDDY.

Gale spoke to Mystra as well at some point and i swear I NEVER encouraged that guy to take the crown for himself. It was always either "do whatever you want" or "i think thats a shitty idea." At this point my Durge was super sick of him so they had a bit of a crappy relationship which may have something to do with how things turned out.

I betrayed the emperor, released Orpheus and when he asked if any of us wanted to be a mindflayer i went "Fuck No" big time and luckily the guy just did it for me. Chaos ensues, I kill the emperor and the absolute in an epic battle that took me like a whole day. I also killed Orpheus when he asked me to. Karlach died ( :c ) and Gale told me he was gonna fuck off to get the crown. In the final Astarion dialogue I told him we would find a way to get him to walk under the sun again.... AAAAAnd thats it i think? Man this game is huge lmao i swear i wasnt trying to be long-winded.

[facets-and-rainbows]

Blue Exorcist 147 summary

The official translation is delayed relative to the raws this month so I get to paraphrase a chapter just like old times! The nostalgia!

Fairly detailed spoilers and no images:

Asmodeus goes on about how Shura is full of contradictions (young but also somehow aged, cold like ice but with a burning passion, full of life but death has always been close by) and says she's his type (ewwwww) Shura says Asmodeus is not her type, sorry, and shoots him full of icicles XD He tells her to go deeper with it (eeeewwwwwwwww), the pain makes him feel alive

Rin and Yukio have another round of "BUT SHURA!" "BUT THE WHOLE MISSION!" and the mission wins out They safely make it to the door with the rest of the team, but the door won't open normally so we've got some kind of RPG style door puzzle on our hands Yukio sees the L (probably Left) and R (probably right) on the doors but that doesn't explain THAT MESSED UP LITTLE DISPLAY OVER THERE So the real question is what on EARTH does the bleeding corpse suspended over a meat grinder with the inscription "VL" mean Yukio and Neuhaus together wonder if the V is roman numeral 5 and 5L means you have to give it five liters of blood (one person's worth) to open it They get as far as wondering if you could just borrow like a freshly dead corpse from the battlefield, (they're not using their blood anymore, does it HAVE to be fresh?) before Rin is like….yeah we could take a look at the whole thing from above first though? Heh I think Rin is using fire to burn some footholds as he and Yukio climb? (Edit: wait I'm dumb it's Satan's fire, I already forgot that the walls burn you when you try to climb them lol) Yukio showed off his fireproofness and Rin was all impressed and Yukio very nearly almost smiled

MEANWHILE Amon is struggling with Osceola more than he thought In fact, the fight has damaged/destroyed his emerald ring! His 10.8 carat emerald ring!! Tragic He stomps on Osceola brutally while yelling THAT WAS WORTH MORE THAN YOUR DUMB HUMAN LIFE and OH JESUS IS THAT A DISEMBODIED ARM My Concern For Osceola Gauge just spiked again guys Katoh please he's two days from retirement!! Amon decides screw it, he's just gonna blow everything up at this point. Apparently being a sun god comes with the ability to go supernova and be reborn later (Huh! The sun disk over his head is his demon heart! and he's able to shatter it and have it reform) It'll take like ten minutes for this drama man to do his drama thing so let's cut back to the kids

Rin and Yukio find that the door leads to a bottomless pit even if you DO get it open So what gives? L might be "left" but what's the V? Rin observes that there's some patterns/symbols/something on the ground. Yukio recognizes them as Indo-Arabic numerals. V is 7. So I guess the seventh symbol on the left is the real door. They go there and find a little hidden entrance. No blood sacrifice required! The weird meat machine is a gross red herring! I feel like this is a lil jab at the first anime ending XD

On the way to bring everyone to the entrance, we run into This Asshole Again ("BUT SHURA!" "BUT THE WHOLE MISSION!") Asmodeus says that it's a pretty sweet gig, being a demon of his or Amon's level. Easy to find hosts and they don't disintegrate too fast. But BECAUSE of that, you don't REALLY get to feel alive (He shoots nasty energy beams at the kids and Shura defends them as he's saying this) Asmodeus says that pain and fear and despair are all proof that you're alive! And he can live vicariously through Shura by making her feel these things! Ew!

Cliffhanger on him winding up to kill someone or other in front of an exhausted Shura, while Osceola tries to stand up Osceola is just absolutely maxing out my Concern For Osceola Gauge in that last panel. Concern levels are off the charts here

[bfiaflbox]

This is how it starts - Chapter 3

Pairing: Matty x Original Female Character Warnings: swearing

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

The next day I have a client who's not very talkative so I have time to weigh my options during work. I could text Matty and just tell him the date is off. Or I could go on the date and feel weird the whole time. Or I could just ignore it? Or I could fake my death and leave the country and tell Carly to give him my best and to enjoy life with his girlfriend. Great, I love overthinking. After a few hours of trying to figure out where and how I got the wrong Idea about Matty and about the flirting and about the date that's definitely a date because he called it that multiple times, I decide to text Matty.

Me: Hey Matty, I had a lovely time getting to know you but I don‘t think it‘s a good idea to go forward with this date on Friday. I wish you all the best.

There. That's good. Simple, unmistakably clear. I feel sad though. I liked Matty. He was refreshingly not boring and great to hang out with and nice to look at.

I go to the chat with Carly

Me: Did you know he had a girlfriend?

Carly: who? Matty? He‘s single as far as I know.

Me: No, apparently he isn't.

Carly: That‘s weird. Adam didn’t say anything. How did you find out?

Me: He was at my place and she called him, he ended the call telling her he loved her and then quickly left. Almost like he had a bad conscience.

Carly: That‘s weird.

I put my phone in my pocket and clean up the shop. I check the appointments for the next day, see that I still have to finish the drawing for my client tomorrow and get out my iPad to see the state of the rough sketch I made when they first made the appointment. I draw for a few hours, totally focussed on the task at hand. It's already dark outside when I'm happy with the design.

I get out my phone to check the time and see that Matty texted back.

Matty: honestly, that bums me out. What happened to change your mind?

Is he playing dumb? But fine, if he wants me to spell it out to him...

Me: I don’t want to be the girl you cheat on your girlfriend with.

He answers in a matter of seconds.

Matty: What girlfriend? Matty: Did you read something in the tabloids? It‘s all made up, you know?

Me: No?! I mean the girl that called you the other night? Danielle? Denise? Whatever! You told her you loved her??

Matty: Hannah

Matty: Darling

Fuck him, calling me darling right now!

Matty: That was literally my mother.

Oh. Oh.

Well now I'm completely mortified. The idea of faking my death and leaving the country seems more and more appealing.

Matty: But just to be completely clear I don't have a girlfriend. The last one broke up with me a few months ago, thanks for the reminder.

Me: Sorry to hear that.

Matty: No you're not :D

Me: The date on Friday is still off though, the floor just opened and will swallow me now. byeeeeee

Matty: I'll be at your place at seven

///

Friday rolls around and I'm nervous. I'm always nervous before a date because the whole spiel of do they like me and do I like them and are they a serial killer or a trustworthy person is terrifying and nerve wracking. But the Idea of a date with Matty is taking nerve wracking to a whole new level, especially after what went down the other day. I'm obsessing over my outfit and if it was the right choice and am just considering if I have time to change again when my doorbell rings. Ok, no 5th outfit change then. I grab my coat, check for my keys and leave my apartment. Matty is waiting in front of my building, big smile on his face.

"Hi! You look lovely" he greets me. "And other generic things to say when picking up your date" I jokingly snark and raise an eyebrow. Fucking hell where did that come from, he was just being nice! "Will you take the fucking compliment? Jesus" he laughs. "Fine, yeah, sorry, that was harsh. Thanks. You look lovely as well!" "I know" he retorts. "Talk about being able to take a compliment" I snort. "By the way, where are we going?" "Well I thought... ok tell me if you think this is lame but there's this small museum that shows an exhibition on 80s industrial punk zines and also some graphic design and photos from that era and I thought it'd be cool but like I said if you think this is lame we can totally do something else but I kinda wanna se it, I'm really interested in that kind of shit but haven't had the time to go there, no hard feelings if you don't wanna see it, I was just..." "Matty!" I interrupt his ramblings. He looks at me with raised eyebrows, I continue "that sounds quite very interesting, let's go there".

After about 15 minutes of walking we enter the courtyard of what looks like a former industrial building. We cross the courtyard to the entrance of the small museum. The exhibition is really just one room. The walls are filled with black and white photographs, pages from said zines and posters advertising gigs from 35 years ago of bands called Einstürzende Neubauten, Killing Joke and Skinny Puppy. Except for the former, none of the bands ring a bell but to be fair, 80s industrial rock isn't what I hear when I want to sing in the shower. I enjoy the aesthetic of it all, though. I also enjoy watching Matty who looks like a child seeing a Christmas tree for the first time. "Wow, you see, this is totally interesting, the scene back then was so DIY, really down to earth. They literally created all that stuff themselves." he muses. "There’s not many generative alternative scenes left, nowadays." He goes on to talk about bands like Slowdive and what he calls garage pop stuff. I just observe him. I'm not gonna lie, I haven't heard many of the bands he's mentioning but he's in his element and I love how passionate he is. After a while he looks at me and kind of stops himself. "Sorry, I... I'm really enjoying this, I'm probably rambling, it's just all so cool!" but it's so endearing. He's not afraid to like things. Unironically. "We should get going though, I reserved a table for us".

///

Half an hour later we sit down in a rather fancy looking restaurant and a waiter hands us a menu. "So...", Matty starts "how many kids do you want to have?" "Oh sod off, you!", we both laugh. "Haha, sorry, couldn't help it." I look around and start to feel kind of out of place. The people here are posh, there's no other word for it. I can't help but notice that I stick out like a sore thump with the tattoos all over my body and the kind of minimalist casual attire I had chosen for tonight. It's not a good feeling. I try to distract myself with the menu but metaphorically gulp when I see the prices, way out of my league. I get nervous, look over to Matty who's looking relaxed as ever. Right, right, I almost forgot he's a rockstar. Also out of my league. I refuse to let the uneasy feeling that's starting take over. Be who you are, face it head on, talk about it. I put the menu down and fold my fingers over it.

"Ok, I'm just gonna say it like it is: All I can afford here is a glass of water and a side salat without going hungry for the rest of the month. Yep, that's embarrassing but it is what it is, I'm a barely not-starving artist, not a rockstar, I already got my sister in law that awfully fancy pan and there's still the cozzie livs. Soooo, we might have to stop by a chip shop later. Or, I don't know, you have to pay" I say the last part before thinking better of it. Great. Talk about money, that's always such a good topic, not at all laced with all kinds of prejudice and negativity.

"Hm. That's a bummer, I thought you were paying", Matty hasn't even looked up from the menu.

I look at him with a raised eyebrow. He puts the menus down and places one hand over mine. "Darling, this is a date date, you're not paying for shit. Relax, it's ok. I'm not one of the guys who thinks a woman owes them sex when they pay for dinner. Also, I think, Carly would slap me if she found out I made you pay"

I laugh at that and relax a little. "I don't even know what half the words on here mean" I admit in a sort of whiny tone. "Is it rude if I google? Like, what's vadouvan spice? or Acquerello risotto?" at that, Matty just laughs. "I've got no fucking clue, to be honest. Ok I'll order us something and the next time we go to a restaurant that's less..." he waves around "...this?" "The next time, huh? Someone's feeling confident" "Yeah, I have to downplay how embarrassed I am about the fact that my choice of restaurant makes you uncomfortable by appearing overly confident, don't mind me." "God, you're such a self-aware millennial" We both laugh before I continue "Speaking of embarrassed: who the fuck has their mother saved under her first name?" "It's her name, what else would you like me to call her?" he sounds mockingly defensive. "I don't know? Mum lesser three?" "Lesser three?" "Yeah the little..." I wave my fingers, trying to convey the < 3 symbols "...heart thingy" "That's so gay" he laughs.

The waiter comes back and we order some fancy sounding dishes. "So, Matty, I have a question" "Ask away" "Would you rather kill a chicken with your bare hands or live with the chicken for a year" "Does the chicken have to come on tour with me?" "It sure does" "Yeah, then I'm gonna kill the chicken, I'm not dealing with a chicken on a tourbus" he laughs. "Ok fair, I don't blame you" He suddenly stills and his face sours, his gaze is fixed on a point behind me. I study his expression for a second and try to figure it out but come up with nothing. I want to see what seems to have turned his mood but as soon as I try to turn my head, Matty grabs my hand and clears his throat and wants to focus my attention back on him.

„What is it?“

„Nothing“

„You’re a shit liar“ I laugh.

„I don’t lie“ he says seriously.

„Like… ever?“

„Yeah. Ever since I got clean I try to not lie. Lying was the worst part about being an addict“

„Ok, wait, we just brushed three subjects in five seconds, I‘m getting whiplash.“ how did this conversation take this turn all of a sudden?

„Sorry, I‘m a lot“ he sounds sad now.

„No, Matty. It‘s fine“, I try to lighten the mood with my tone. „just… what’s going on?“

„Wait here, ok?“ he gets up and vanishes in the direction of the bar.

Well that leaves me baffled. I’m not annoyed or sad, just surprised. I play the conversation back in my head and try to figure out what nerve I hit that made his mood change that abruptly. I start to feel small and weird. Like I definitely don't belong here.

A few minutes later, Matty comes back, stops at the table and just says "Let's leave, please?"

I look at him and see that his expression conveys a sense of urgency. I get up, grab my coat and let him guide me out of the place. On my way out I meet the eyes of a giggling woman who looks at me knowingly. I frown at her and try to make sense of it all.

Once we're out on the street, Matty starts walking without saying a word. I follow him, although I don't really know why. The vibe is off, to say the very least. We round a corner and I really don't feel comfortable anymore. I stop.

"Matty, what's going on?"

He turns around to face me, clears his throat and sighs. "There was a woman at the restaurant that took photos of us." I suspect it's the one that looked at me like she just hit a jackpot when we left. "She's probably gonna sell it to the tabloids and you're gonna be on the news tomorrow. At least it's going to be all over the internet."

I stay silent because I really don't know what to say now. Is this what it's like for him when he goes out in public?

"I'm sorry, Hannah, I can't do this to you"

"You're not doing anything"

"I am though. Like, when you're around me you're gonna end up in the crossfire of hateful comments because, you see, I'm a really bad person according to the internet. I fucked up, said the wrong thing, laughed at the wrong time and they hold everything against me, call me a Nazi or worse things. And everybody who's around me is guilty by association. I don't care anymore but I can't do this to you." he looks sad, almost like he's close to tears. I don't know what to say that might make things better. He must feel lonely. I want to tell him that I don't care, that I like him for who he is and that I will deal with it if that's what it takes but before I can open my mouth to say anything he just says "I'm sorry", turns around and walks away.

I just stand there and try to process what just happened. It doesn't take long for me to get angry at Matty. Fuck him for leaving me here, standing in the street like an idiot. He didn't even give me a chance to process this. What does he mean it's going to be all over the internet? A feeling of helplessness creeps up at me. I hate feeling this way. My heart hurts and I start feeling very sad. I can't process all of this right now and decide to just turn around and head home.