#don't ask me where i've been or if i'm staying :)

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Dark Days Coming

King: hey guys sorry i'm late King: i just could not get up this morning King: feels like I've been sleeping for days King: what did i miss? King: how did the election go? Lovecraft: not too bad King: King: oh no King: oh no oh no oh no

Lovecraft: don't worry steve it won't be so bad Lovecraft: I've heard assurances from the new regime that they only want the trade unionists King: King: King:

Lovecraft: i mean really steve Lovecraft: how bad could it be? [meanwhile] Donald Trump: we're gonna have the biggliest boot stamping on a human face forever Trump: we love the boot stamping on the human face forever, don't we folks? Trump: more and more people are saying they love the boot

Lovecraft: you're overreacting steve Lovecraft: what's trump even going to do? King: well i'm glad you asked King: [unrolls comically long scroll] Lovecraft: oh is this going to be a song

King: well for starters King: decimate reproductive rights King: LGBTQ rights King: labor rights King: civil rights King: accelerate climate change Lovecraft: [sweats] this is making me feel bad steve Lovecraft: i can't wait for trump to outlaw you telling me this stuff!

King: use the military to brutalize americans King: abandon Ukraine King: and as for gaza George Romero: in all honesty steve Romero: that probably won't change much King: oh look! an optimist!

Lovecraft: ok but Lovecraft: has he actually SAID he's going to do any of that? King: yes Lovecraft: oh he was probably just lying Lovecraft: he lies a lot Poe: he does lie a lot

Lovecraft: i think you're overreacting, he's probably not gonna do all the stuff he says he's gonna do King: so you don't believe him? Lovecraft: nope! King: king: then what's his appeal? Lovecraft: well he's just so honest

Lovecraft: a real straight shooter Lovecraft: tells it like it is Lovecraft: says what he means King: King:

King: howard please tell me you didn't vote for trump did you? Lovecraft: [sweats] steve! please! Lovecraft: i'm only a loveable archie bunker style racist Lovecraft: i'm still 100% yang gang King: King: King: i picked a bad day to quit cocaine

King: i really need some cocaine King: edgar you know where i can get some cocaine don't you Poe: steve stay strong Poe: you don't need cocaine King: just one bump King: to get me through the next four years King: i mean few days King: no i mean four years

King: how about a beer? i was an alcoholic too you know King: maybe i'll take that up again King: this is good drinking weather Poe: steve no Poe: dean help me hold him back King: don't try to stop me! Poe: no steve! you've got so much to live for! King: yeah? like what? Poe: well Poe: you've got a loving family King: Joe is pretty great Koontz: and owen! King: King: yeah and owen is alright too i guess

King: yeah he's pretty good King: what the heck, i can say it King: i love owen too! Koontz: and there's naomi too King: whoa wait a second, i have THREE kids?? King: this just keeps getting better!

King: thanks guys i do feel a little better Poe: good, hold onto that Poe: cuz it's going to be a long four years Lovecraft: only four years? i thought we weren't gonna have to vote anymore! Poe: Poe: good drinking weather, huh?

Joyce Carol Oates: huh, i really don't see why the electorate would hate trans people unless they were persuaded by hate speech and fearmongering JK Rowling: well well well look at the fancccy pantsss rich author Rowling: with her out of touch fancccy ideasss about a pluralissstic sssociety! Rowling: with her fancccy german automobile! Oates: this car was made in Guatemala

Rowling: you're clearly too rich to underssstand the feelingsss of the common man Rowling: unlike me, a true daughter of the proletariat Rowling: i know all about the material needsss of the underclassss Rowling: anyway i'm going to insulate my Scottish castle with big bags of money

[allllium]

Jason Todd x childhood friend fem

fluff and potential angst

Jason runs into childhood friend from befor he died and she recognizes him

Back in Time

[ Jason Todd x Childhood Best Friend!Reader ]

~ Fluff, Maybe a little hurt/comfort, WC: 1,089

~ I'm so sorry this took so long 😭 Every time I went to write this it's like all ideas flew out of my head, but I finally got it done and I hope it meets your expectations<3

"Jason?"

He freezes.

He wasn't expecting to hear your voice today.

He wasn't expecting to hear your voice ever again.

Once he came back, you were gone.

He would say he tried to look for you but that isn't true. He thought your leaving was the universe telling him to leave you alone.

But now you're here. You're here and you recognize him. He doesn't know how to respond. He knows you know he heard you, otherwise he wouldn't have stopped moving.

The first thing he hears in your voice is the sadness. Not anger like he would've expected. Not even a hint of confusion. Just something sad.

After a minute of him being unmoving, clearly lost in his thoughts, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Jason." You say.

This time it's not a question.

After he hears you a second time, he brings himself to turn around and look at you.

"Hey."

"Hey." He can't tell if you're about to cry or smile.

"I'm sorry." He immediately apologizes. Maybe for leaving or maybe for not finding you. He's not quite sure.

"For what?" You ask and take a deep breath.

He sees the way tears form in your eyes and has the strange urge to cry himself.

"I don't know. I just feel like I need to."

"You don't. Dick told me what happened. That's not something you need to be sorry for." You say it so surely he doesn't know how to respond.

"I was gonna find you."

"That's not your job. I mean a phone call would've been nice." You shrug and let out a small, awkward chuckle.

"I didn't know what to do." He tells you quietly.

"I would assume." You look around the sidewalk you're on. You're standing in front of what looks like a busy shop, people walk in and out every couple seconds.

"Where did you go?" He asks you after a moment. Probably to determine whether or not he could've found you.

"I was here. I mean I stayed in Gotham just not where I was before."

"If I had known you were so close I would've gone to you but when they told you left I assumed-"

"Jason, you don't have to defend yourself." You cut him off quickly, "If I died and came back the last thing on my list would be finding someone who left."

He nods. "This might be easier if you were at least a little mad." He smiles softly at you, watching more tears shine in your eyes.

"I missed you too much to be mad right now."

He goes to say something back but someone walking by bumps into your shoulder.

"Maybe we should get coffee or something?" He suggests, not wanting to keep blocking the sidewalk traffic.

"Are you free?"

"Oh yeah, yeah." Dick can wait, he thinks to himself.

"Then yeah, coffee sounds great."

You both walk into the coffee shop and order whatever drinks sound good. Jason chooses a table against the wall and by a giant window.

You sit awkwardly in silence as you both try and think of what to say.

"How are you doing?" You ask, after multiple minutes of nothing.

"I'm okay, I think." He shrugs and takes a sip of his drink. You take notice of his fingers tapping nervously along the side of the cup.

"That's good." You nod and sigh.

"How are you?"

"I've been better." You answer honestly. Your fingers also tap nervously along your cup.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why this is so weird."

You laugh at his words, "I do. It's been a while."

"And I'm guessing we've both changed." He smiles.

"Changed? No shit Jason, look at you." You smile at him in a reassuring way. You can clearly see how dying has changed him.

"Yeah I guess I did get a little taller." He jokes and shakes his head.

"Maybe just an inch or two." You play along, laughing as you speak.

"I missed this. I missed you." He tells you with a sudden seriousness in his tone.

"Well good thing it isn't going away this time." You reach across the table and grab his hand.

It was never unusual for you and Jason to be touchy. That's just the kinda friendship you had. But this feels different.

Instead of being a friendly touch between best friends, it's more like a reassurance that's he's actually alive. A piece of you feels relief that you're not imagining this.

"I really hope so." He wishes with a frown.

"It won't. If you think I'm leaving your side anytime soon you're very very wrong."

"What's one more person to the gang that follows me everywhere?" He laughs again and squeezes your hand. It's the first time he's felt so free to last in a while.

"Where is that gang by the way? I would've expected one of them to be here by now."

"Oh I left while they weren't looking. I needed time to myself."

"You snuck out? Jason, they're probably panicking." You scold him softly.

"It's fine I'm meeting with Dick later."

You shake your head in disapproval but a smile on your face gives you away once again.

For some reason no matter how sad you are, a smile can't leave your lips.

You fall back into a silence but this time it's not awkward at all. It's a comfortable silence that reminds you of old times.

"I should probably get going. Dick will be pissed if I'm late."

"Yeah I don't doubt it." You recall the many times Dick has given long lectures about being late to anything he's involved in.

"I'll call you." He swears, standing up from his seat at the table.

"You better. I know where to find you." You stand up as well and finish off your drink.

"Yes you do." He agrees but doesn't leave.

You stand together in front of your table. Both of you are waiting for the other to move first.

Just as you're about to make the move to leave he steps forward and pulls you into a hug.

You immediately hug back and feel the tears reappear in your eyes.

"I really missed you." He whispers.

"I really missed you too." You whisper back.

You savor every moment of the embrace. Not wanting to leave out of fear that he would leave again.

But as you watch him walk away to meet with his brother, you're overcome with the happiness of knowing your best friend is here.

[fatguarddog]

Ok gonna post my weird recent fantasy before I disappear again Contains: Intox, male breast expansion, lactation (wine), some weight gain

In this, I work at a fancy bar doing table service for rich clients. There's one guest I always have a good rapport with, an older guy but very charming and handsome, who often invites me to sit with him for drinks as my shift winds down

One day we've been drinking quite a bit when he offers me a job, well paid with accommodation included, similar to my current work but a lot more fun. Listening to his pitch drunk, it's hard to say no and would you believe it? He has all the paperwork on him and can pull strings with my boss to get me started immediately! So of course I sign without reading it through properly and we toast to the occasion. He slips a little something extra into my drink, all purple and swirling and sparkly, promising it'll help expand my horizons into this new future After that my head starts to go fuzzy, but I can feel him fondling at my chest, my low cut shirt showing off my steadily expanding breasts very nicely as I completely drift off

When I wake up, it's in a gorgeously furnished room on a big bed. My head is swimming from the night before, but as I sit up there's a strange weight on my chest. I look down and see the now huge boobs I've suddenly grown all perfectly perky and barely held back by my shirt. The older guy makes himself known and tells me exactly what my new job is:

I'm now a wine boy. One of his wine boys. He has a few of them to please his clients.

Wine boys have big swollen breasts full of deliciously intoxicating wine that they can't help but produce daily. I am to live on his spacious villa alongside him and the other wine boys. Every morning I need to be pumped to drain my basic wine from my heaving breasts. For breakfast and lunch, I will be given rich meals (often fruit-based) to help construct my flavour profile for the evening, in which highly paying guests will come over and I must entertain them by serving drinks and allowing them to take it "straight from the tap"

I should be aware that I will likely put on some weight during my time as a wine boy (of which he has total control over) since many guests like to feed the boys to see if it can change the flavour of the wine. I am told that it doesn't work that quickly, but that I should laugh and agree with them if asked about it

And there's nothing I can do but embrace my new life. I signed a contract after all and the villa is so remote I don't even know where I am. But I have a beautiful place to stay, I am fed delicious foods and as much wine as I can drink. I even begin to find the pumping of my own wine quite pleasurable. Perhaps if I plump up from all the indulgence, my master will invite me back to his own chambers some time. I did hear him say he prefers his wine boys "full bodied" after all

[himasgod]

Kinich x r4ped!reader

Scaramouche x family issues!reader

(I finally finished this request! I've tried to make it as non-specific as possible, I know this is a sensitive subject. If any of you, dear readers, have gone through a similar experience, I want you to know that this is a serious subject, and that you are not alone. You have many things, many people, many laws and entities protecting you. Feel free to express yourself. You can count on me if you need anything.)

Kinich

Where you find comfort on him after being sexu4lly 4bused.

It was a thick night in Natlan, and the heat was barely able to alleviate the weight you felt in your chest. In the last few days, you had tried to return to your normal life, pretending that everything was fine; but the reality was that the shadows of your pain continued to haunt you. You didn't want to talk, not even to Kinich, afraid that your words would fail to convey the hell you had lived through. However, the concern in his eyes convinced you that tonight you could no longer bear your suffering alone.

Kinich was at your side, silent. Not asking for explanations, not pressuring. Despite his pragmatic personality, he was perceptive and knew when someone was carrying more than they could hold. He watched you for a moment, his eyes serious and attentive, without traces of judgment, only open for whatever you decided to trust him with.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to say," Kinich murmured softly, breaking the silence gently. His rough hands, accustomed to combat and hunting, sought yours with unusual care, as if he were afraid of breaking you at the slightest contact. “But I am here, for whatever you need. You know I love you, forever”

You felt the calm strength in his touch. A shiver ran through your skin, as if Natlan’s warmth was not enough to calm the coldness that had remained inside you since that fucking day. The words were stuck in your throat, and although you wanted to answer him, your voice seemed to have faded. But Kinich understood, as if your silence spoke for itself. He gently pulled you towards him, and without saying anything else, he let his arm surround your body with a protective warmth, gently, as if he were leaving you enough time to react, in case you did not want to have any contact.

“I know that what they did to you…” he began to say, his voice low and full of a weight that he rarely showed, “is something that no human being should endure. I can't undo what they did to you, or erase that pain… but I'll be here, even if you just want company without words."

You squeezed your eyes shut, and at last, the knot in your chest began to give way. Tears ran free, and Kinich didn't look away for a moment. He stayed by your side, like an immovable pillar in the middle of the storm that was hitting you. There was no rush, no attempt to change or minimize what you felt. He was simply there, sharing the weight in silence.

When you finally found your voice, you could barely whisper through your tears:

"I'm scared… scared that I'll never feel whole again, that this has taken a part of me away forever. I feel dirty, I've been taken away…"

Kinich looked at you, his gaze filled with an empathy rare in him. With a deliberate slowness, on purpose in case you didn't feel comfortable, he placed his hand on your face, gently wiping away the tears with his thumb.

"You're so much more... you are stronger than you think,” he replied, with a conviction so deep that he almost managed to make you believe him. “They haven’t taken anything from you. You will overcome it, and you will be the same as always. It is just a process that you will face… and I will be there throughout the process, helping you. You will overcome it. I promise you that.”

His words were like a balm, sincere and firm. Although the doubt and the pain were still present, Kinich’s presence enveloped you in a feeling of security. He did not promise that everything would be fine, but he did promise that he would be there, ready to accompany you in every step you took to heal.

You both stayed like that, sharing the silence under Natlan’s starry sky, and you understood that in Kinich you had found a refuge.

Scaramouche

Where he comforts you after you've told him your family's expectations of you.

The mood in Sumeru was gloomy, reflecting the weight of your thoughts. You had had a heated argument with your family earlier that morning, a conflict that seemed to repeat itself in an endless cycle. It was differences of expectations, impossible demands, and a constant comparison that drained every particle of peace you tried to build. You didn't know how to explain to them your desire to live on your own terms, without the weight of their expectations on your shoulders.

You found yourself walking aimlessly through the city, trying to clear your mind. However, a familiar shadow appeared in your path, and looking up, you saw Scaramouche, arms crossed and a disdainful expression you knew all too well.

"Are you done ghosting around town?" he asked in his usual scathing tone, but something in his eyes revealed more concern than contempt.

You sighed, trying to keep your composure, but the tension in your chest was too strong.

“If you’ve only come to make fun of it, then you might as well leave it,” you replied in a dry tone, hoping your words would drive him away.

To your surprise, Scaramouche didn’t move. Instead, he stared at you intently, as if he were trying to decipher the shadows behind your words.

“I’m not here to make fun of you, fool,” he murmured, his tone softening only slightly. “Though sometimes it seems like you don’t even understand what you need.”

His words made your barriers crumble, and without knowing how, you found yourself telling him everything. The overwhelming expectations, the rejection of your decisions, the constant criticism that felt like daggers in your heart. As you spoke, Scaramouche’s expression changed, a mix of contained rage and dark compassion that only he seemed to possess.

“So… you can’t live up to them and they know it,” he finally said, after listening to you in silence. “Why do you have to mold yourself in their image?”

You looked at him in shock, tears threatening to spill out. It was the first time someone had said it out loud, like a truth you hadn’t allowed yourself to believe.

“Because… they’re my family. I’m supposed to make them happy.”

Scaramouche snorted, his gaze turning icy.

“That’s absurd,” he muttered, a hint of bitterness in his voice. “Family shouldn’t be a burden that crushes you. They don’t have the right to decide how you live. If they truly loved you, why would they hurt you this way?”

His words were harsh, but they carried a sincerity that cut through every one of your doubts. You moved a little closer, seeking refuge in his presence. Though Scaramouche rarely showed affection to you, eben if he was your boyfriend, this time he didn’t pull away. Instead, he let you lean on him, his hand resting gently on your back as the weight of your tears fell silently.

“You don’t need to live up to their expectations to be worth something. If they don’t see it, it’s their problem, not yours,” he murmured, almost in a whisper. “And I… well, I’m the last one who should say this, but… you’re not alone in this fight.”

For the first time in a long time, you felt like someone understood you without judging you. Scaramouche, with his reticent nature and his own history of pain, knew more than he let on.

And in that instant, you realized that even if your family would never understand your choices, maybe you had someone at your side who could support you without asking for anything in return.

Here is my masterlist, in case you are interested in any more of my work or want to send me a request <3

[torakowalski]

Swimmer Steve - Part 11

And we're back! Where have I been? No clue. Well I've been right here but my ability to make words has... not. So we're starting slow, easing into it and hoping they don't notice me creeping up on them.

(part one | part ten)

Steve's part of the Olympics lasts six days, then he turns up at Eddie's door, lays his three(!) medals down on Eddie's dresser, crawls into Eddie's bed and falls asleep for ten hours.

He wakes up, eats some fried chicken that Eddie went out to buy, then goes back to sleep for another four hours.

Eddie, usually never ever able to stay still, discovers that lying on his belly next to Steve, watching him snore softly is way more soothing than any of the herbal teas Wayne likes to press on him.

"Morning," Steve says, blinking sleepily at him at like, ten at night.

"Morning, doll," Eddie says. "Sleep well?"

Steve yawns. "Hm, kept dreaming I was at the Olympics." He blinks around himself, exageratedly. "Well, what do you know?"

He looks so sleepy and smug that there's nothing Eddie can do but scoot over and kiss him. Steve makes a happy noise and hooks an arm around Eddie's neck, pulling him closer.

Steve stripped down to just his boxers before he fell asleep the first time, so Eddie's got nothing but smooth, hot skin under his hands. He still mourns Steve's chest hair, but maybe Steve can grow it for a while now and Eddie will get to experience it, at last.

"Did I dream it, or did we have the best friend chicken ever, at some point?" Steve asks.

Eddie would be more offended that Steve's thinking about food while Eddie's making out with him, but the poor guy has been living the high protein, low carb training diet for way too long now.

"You didn't dream it, but it was only maybe the third best fried chicken I've had here."

Steve's eyes light up when he grins. "You've gotta take me sightseeing before we go home. I want to see everything you've seen and eat everything you've eaten."

"Then your wish shall be granted, good sir," Eddie promises.

"Yeah, talk nerd to me," Steve says and hauls Eddie into another kiss, which Eddie happily gives him until Steve bites his lip, pulls back, and says, "Hang on, I need to piss."

Eddie laughs, rolling off him and flopping backwards onto the bed. "That the kind of romantic way you speak to all the girls, Harrington?"

"No," Steve says. "But I don't feel like I've gotta pretend with you."

Well shit, Eddie thinks, as Steve climbs off the bed and heads for the bathroom. Who knew Steve was gonna be sincere?

He lies on his back, watching Steve's ass unashamedly as he makes his way to the bathroom. He leaves the door half ajar, while he's peeing, because first and foremost: jock.

"I'm gonna shower," Steve calls. "Wanna join me?"

Eddie feels a laugh punch out of his chest. Hell yes, he wants to join him, but he's pretty sure Steve's joking.

Then he remembers that, wait, Steve doesn't have to worry about the Olympics sex curse anymore. Maybe he does mean it. Eddie's half way to sitting up, when Steve pops back into the room.

"No?"

"... Can't tell if you're teasing me," Eddie admits.

Steve looks at him then looks over at the dressing table. "Remember what you said the first time we kissed?"

"Was it oh my god, am I dreaming?" Eddie asks, racking his brain to try to work out what it actually was.

Steve grins at him. "You said you'd shower with me, if I brought home a gold medal." He reaches over and picks up the one gold, sitting it between his two bronzes. He takes a second, seeming just to need to look at it, then holds it up. "I know it was for a relay so I only won like, a quarter of it. But does this count?"

Holy fuck, Steve does mean it. Eddie always gets a little hard when they make out, but now he's hard hard and it maybe robs him of his ability to breathe. Or to answer questions.

Steve grin starts to fade. "But totally no pressure," he says, hand curling tight around his medal. "Sorry. Stupid joke, or well, not a -"

Eddie rolls up onto his knees and holds his hands out demandingly. "Give me my prize, Harrington."

Still with that half-grin only, Steve's eyebrows draw together and he lifts up the medal like a question.

Eddie nods. He can breathe now, but it's coming fast, and he feels hot all over.

Steve steps forward and loops the ribbon around Eddie's neck, murmuring, "Congratulations," like Eddie really is winning a gold here. Let's be reasonable though, if this is going the way Eddie thinks it's going, he definitely is the one who's winning.

[mikuni14]

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo - Ep 7-8

There have certainly been many smart words written about the finale, I've managed to read only one post so far (and I totally agree with it), I've got a busy end of the week and don't really have time to read more. So I'll quickly list what I particularly liked about the finale:

as far as I can tell, the series probably wrapped up all the threads. Some things may be a bit incomprehensible, but I think that may have been the creators' intention, so that we could guess many things rather than be told specifically by the series. Like, for example, the reasons why JuYeong stayed and took care of DoHoe's father. There could be several such reasons and each one is good (and each one could be wrong lol). Such a wrap-up of threads, a satisfying finale and leaving viewers with a sense of closure is not that common in BL series, especially those that aspire to be more serious, we all know that 🤷‍♀️ so I really appreciate it!

the actors are excellent, I really liked, for example, how looking at DoHoe's body, figure, face, one could clearly deduce his current condition. This zombie-like rigidity, apathy versus ease, a broad smile, uncontrollable bursts of laughter... it was just 👌

I liked this juxtaposition of the oppressive, homophobic, obedience-enforcing and punishing version of religion, with the positive version of religion, i.e. "and the truth shall set you free" :) Because yes, truth, honesty, liberated DoHoe, made him feel free at last, made him feel at peace

I liked this "simple, ordinary" ending in general, where the answer turned out to be a simple, ordinary truth and honesty. Even if it involves pain, loss of something, consequences. And how even these consequences cannot overshadow the overwhelming sense of freedom and peace that is immediately visible in DoHoe. I like the lack of a sugary-sweet ending: DoHoe suffers the consequences of his lies, although as viewers we root for him and want him not to be punished at all

I absolutely love JuYeon's unconditional feelings, how he helps DoHoe over and over again, just like HyeonHo, who, even when rejected, after a difficult conversation, is still ready to help DoHoe

just like the unconditional standing by the child, even at their own expense

JuYeong, when he is serious and so matter-of-fact, when he sees reality for what it is, not believing DoHoe's "mean" but also empty words about breaking up. How many such situations have we seen, when one rejects the other for Noble Motives, or Out of Fear, or for some other Bullshit Reason, when due to an irritating lack of communication the other leaves hurt and then, frustrated, we watch them suffer for several episodes convinced of their unrequited love 😬 JuYeong is not like that, he knows DoHe, he believes in his love, he doesn't believe DoHoe's words because he knows him - this knowledge of the other person, their past, their personality is something I love in my romances, and what makes me believe in love watched on screen as a viewer. Personally, I can't stand this trope when someone is pretending or saying something ooc for them and the other person just buys it. I always ask then: do you even know who you love? Because it's so obvious ooc for them! 😤Super happy that JuYeong is like "I'm not going anywhere and I don't think you actually mean it"

I love how they talk about themselves, their relationship, their life together, their future together, like a real couple, real people 🥰

I love JuYeong because he educated himself in various, sometimes serious, sometimes funny topics 🤩 I often hear men people complaining that they can't handle various things because their parents / school / no one taught them, while Google and books in the library are free. JuYeong asks the internet how to live and how to be a perfect little boyfriend for his pookie and the internet answers him lmao, this is just so simple and perfect. JuYeong is the best!

teddy-bear pajamas! (I will put a gif of them later, love it so much!)

HyeonHo is so fiiiiiine

(apologies for the screenshot from the gray pages but I can't make them on Gaga)

To sum up: I won't hide the fact that whether it's my own fault, or the fault of the subtitles, or the plot, or the aura of depressiveness, but episodes 4-7 were incomprehensible and chaotic for me in some parts, overly complicated at times with conversations full of ambiguities and understatements to the point of being incomprehensible (but I also completely buy the fact that I'm just too stupid to catch all the nuances lol). Overall, the series is very good, although unlike Where Your Eyes Linger, I can only watch it once. The series showed the long-term effects of domestic violence very well, realistically but with respect for the victims, without sugarcoating, without idealizing the victims. It also showed struggling with traumas, which is not always successful, it also shows how important unconditional support is, but also coming face to face with the unpleasant consequences of untreated traumas. It shows the value of love, friendship, honesty, doing what is right, without irritating moralizing. The series had a very realistic vibe, I was able to imagine all of DoHoe's feelings, and the actor convincingly played him as a lost kid, tangled in his own guilt, traumas, lies, yearning for love and hope - even though he is an adult.

The only tiny reservation I have about the series is that I would like more of JuYeong, who has also suffered so much, but from the beginning he has been a strong,leading force in their relationship and is often "the adult one". However, his type of personality, his openness, courage, honesty and straightforwardness are responsible for the fact that he copes relatively better with difficult situations. So it's not really any complaint, more an observation ;)

But apart from that, this series is really good aaaand has a good, happy ending, yay!💖

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Can i ask for insecure reader x Donna?? Maybe before reader met Donna, the girls in the village teased her about her looks because they were jealous of her beauty. Reader can't believe that someone like Donna would like her. She notices that the reader cries every night and can't stand the sight of it so confronts reader.

Can it be a smut???

Yesss!!!! Thank you for request!!! I hope you like and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :))))

P.S: To the anon who made a question to me yesterday. I'm sorry, I deleted your question by mistake but I remember it so:

To the question "what does G!P mean?" Well, I know it's not well written, yk, maybe GP! (girl penis) sounds more familiar to you.

Idk why I always write it like this. I made a mistake once but I didn't fix it. I guess I like it that way, like my own style or smth. I hope I've solved you doubt, take care of yourself!!!

Beautiful?

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Smut, Minors DNI, fluff, angst, hurt and comfort, hurtful mockery

Word count: 8,162

Summary: You've started to think they were always right about your ugliness

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))

“Hey, (Y/N),” you heard.

Behind you, putting a hand on your shoulder, was a young man you knew, one who always smiled when he saw you.

“H-Hi, Ivan,” you said with a shy smile, turning around. “Aren't you with your friends?”

“Well, I saw you pass by and I was wondering if…” the boy said, scratching the back of his neck. “Um… Have you tried Mrs. Grescu's apples?”

You smiled, shaking your head.

It had been a long time since someone approached you to talk and you weren't stupid, in that shy smile there was more than the innocent intention of spending time with you. Having some boy approach you was strange enough to notice that you weren't really interested.

“Not really,” you said with a friendly smile.

“Well, then you won't have any problem in…”

“Oh, Ivan, I was looking for you,” a girl who appeared from the shadows interrupted the boy, drawing your attention.

You had tried to stay away from her, from her and her friends, but, apparently, it hadn't been possible.

“Miriam?” he asked, frowning after the sudden approach of the young woman. “I was talking to…”

“Hey, aren't you bored? The party is over there,” she said, hanging on to the boy's arm, looking at you out of the corner of her eye.

“No, it's just that…” he stammered, being dragged by the girl while you stood, completely ignored in that remote corner.

“Hey, he was talking to me!” you protested, not because you actually liked that the boy seemed interested, you really didn't, but because you knew the way that girl acted.

“Surely the lack of light has confused him, hasn't it, handsome?” Miriam joked, blinking seductively, leaving the villager speechless and with a silly smile.

“Um... well, if you say so...” he murmured, looking at you for the last time before disappearing, leaving you, once again, alone.

You sighed and sat down on an old bench. That the meeting had been short shouldn't surprise you, they all were, thanks to them.

“Oh, wow, poor (Y/N),” a cocky voice startled you and your body began to shake.

Two girls appeared out of nowhere, pretending to pout. They weren't friends of yours, but they were acquaintances, unfortunately.

“Leave me alone,” you whispered, frowning and crossing your arms.

Trying to escape was already difficult enough, as they seemed to want to corner you.

“Are you enjoying your solitude?” one of them said with a sinister smile. “Well, I shouldn't be surprised that you like dark places, right, Alicia?”

“It's true, this place is made for you, (Y/N),” the other girl said, resting her arm on your shoulder mockingly. “A dark place, where no one can see you…”

“Why don't you just go away?” you asked, removing the hand and getting up from the bench. “Don't you have anything better to do?”

Alicia pushed on your shoulder, forcing you to sit back down among unpleasant laughs.

“Shhh, where do you think you're going?” she threatened, looking at her friend. “Do you think we like being here? No, (Y/N), we're doing altruistic work, right, Olga?”

“Yes, it's true,” her friend said, sitting next to you with a disgusted look. “Have you seen what time it is? There are still children on the streets and instead of having fun, we have to watch you.”

“That's good,” you whispered, starting to get nervous.

No, not again.

“If we let you go with the rest of the decent people, you could cause them a trauma,” Olga said. “With that face you could make even the lycans flee.”

You should have protested, been enraged by that insult, but you were used to it, too used to it.

“Well, Ivan isn't a lycan and he wanted to go for a walk with me,” you said with dark eyes, looking towards the snowy ground, trying, pathetically, to say something in your defense.

“Of course, because he can't see you well,” Alicia said, sighing and running a hand over your shoulders. “As soon as the light illuminated your shitty face, he would surely run away.”

“P-Please, leave me alone,” you stammered, with tears in your eyes, unable to escape from that horribly common situation.

“Please, please…” the girls mocked, pretending to pout. “Oh, are you going to cry?”

“She's going to cry,” Alicia mocked. “Spare us the suffering, (Y/N). I don't want to have nightmares.”

“Hey, come on Alicia, it's not okay to laugh at (Y/N), she has to look herself in the mirror every day,” the girl commented while you made an effort to keep the tears in your eyes.

“It's true...” she whispered, rolling her eyes. “Although I doubt she has mirrors in her house. What for?”

“Well, for her parents and...” the other girl commented, putting a hand on her lips. “Oh, sorry, you don't have parents, do you?”

You, wishing the ground would swallow you up, shook your head, starting to sob.

“Olga, don't be cruel,” Alicia said, getting up from the bench and gently hitting her friend. “What would you do if you had a daughter like her?”

“I would have probably wanted to die,” the girl replied cruelly. “What a shame...”

“Enough!” you shrieked, clenching your fists and abruptly. “Leave me alone!”

“Don't shout, stupid, your voice destroys my ears,” Alicia joked, covering her ears comically.

“Jeez... even her voice is horrible,” Olga protested while you began to tremble, letting the tears fall into the snow. “She's crying again, you're pathetic, (Y/N).”

“Pathetic and ugly,” the other added, nodding with her arms crossed. “Hey, do us a favor and go to your lair, monster.”

“Hey, look,” one of the girls said, hitting her friend's shoulder and pointing at something with her head.

The two looked at each other and gave you another mocking smile before moving away from you.

“Anyway… have fun, ugly,” they joked, walking away from you.

The silence was a relief, only broken by your sobs. Teasing had always been in your life. That trio of witches had always enjoyed torturing you, insulting you, and making you think that everything they said… was real. You could never understand what you had done to deserve those insults, to deserve the constant mockery that made your life a hell.

No matter how much you wanted to get away from them, even from the village itself. That was impossible. In that lost place, guarded by the Black Gods, there was no escape.

“Hello,” an unknown voice startled you, waking you up from that nightmare, from those tremors and tears.

You looked to one side, to the other… Nothing, you saw nothing. You thought that maybe you had gone crazy, that all the suffering was starting to take its toll on you, but that wasn’t the case. You looked down and couldn’t help but step back.

On the ground, illuminated by the dim light of a street lamp, was what at first seemed to be a girl, but in reality wasn’t.

Of course you were no stranger to the Lords or to Mother Miranda. Everyone in the village respected and feared them. You knew that figure, that sinister and almost dark smile: the Angie doll, inseparable companion of one of the four guardians of the village, of the youngest Lord: Donna Beneviento.

For a moment you thought about running away, but you froze. Of course, having a Lord so close, or well, part of one, wasn’t a good sign.

“What are you doing? Help me up,” the doll said, gesturing for you to sit her on the bench.

 Afraid of the consequences of not doing so, you grabbed the puppet with a hesitant gesture and followed her order.

“That's it, well done, villager.”

“M-M-Miss Angie,” you murmured, wiping away your tears and lowering your head in a gesture of respect. “What are you doing here?”

“My Donna and I don't like crowds,” the doll answered, watching you from very close. “Hey, silly, silly, are you crying? Do I scare you that much?”

“N-No... it's just that... n-never mind,” you said, scared, but with the feeling that this puppet had nothing to do with the three girls who made your life miserable. “I-I don't like people very much either.”

“I see that,” Angie said, swinging her legs comically on the bench. “Why? You’re beautiful and you should be surrounded by stupid boys.”

At that comment, your eyes widened. No one, ever, had told you that you were beautiful, much less, someone like her.

“Beautiful? Me?” you asked confused, pointing at yourself. “No, I'm not…” you sighed, believing that, just like the girls, that doll was laughing at you.

“If you say so…” the puppet sighed. “Hey, hey, hey, silly, do you want to play?”

“What? Play?” you asked, shaking your head.

“Yes, that way we kill time for the festival to end,” the puppet suggested. “Do you know how to play chain words?”

“I-I think so,” you stammered. “S-Sorry, Miss Angie… it's just that I've never been so close to… someone… someone like you.”

“Well, you'll get used to it,” Angie whispered, getting a little closer, still looking at you. “Hey, lonely girl, I think my Donna would like you…”

Unintentionally, by chance, that meeting preceded by a horribly bitter moment was the beginning of your new life. The lady in black appeared shortly after to take her doll, who seemed to have escaped.

If Angie hadn't existed... well, none of that would have happened. The doll's insistence to its owner to meet you was a bit exaggerated, but... to your own surprise, it worked. You didn't know what that veiled lady had seen in you, but you didn't reject Angie's proposal to get to know her better.

You couldn't deny that you were afraid, you were, and very much so. Lady Beneviento was described by the village as an extremely dangerous, sick and unhinged woman, but... to you she didn't seem that way. It was impossible to know what was under that black cloth and hypotheses were always part of the village's rumors.

Despite that, it didn't take long for you to find things in common with that woman. She didn't seem like a ruthless creature but... a normal, ordinary woman, or at least, on the surface. A lover of art and literature, cultured, sensitive, intelligent... Donna was the opposite of what the rumors said.

She was a woman wounded by her past, consumed by the loneliness of her dilapidated mansion, but somehow, your presence made it not seem like that. Her voice, a voice that no one had ever heard before, rang out only for you on one of the afternoons you spent with her, drinking tea, like two unknown souls dying to know each other.

Everything happened so fast that you couldn't control it. Your feelings, the sensations you had when you were with her became overwhelming in a very short time. She wasn't laughing at you, she was nice to you. The monster that the rumors spoke of was, to you, an angel in a world of demons.

Her beauty was special, undeniable, stained by a scar that covered part of her face. Again, you could feel privileged to admire what was hidden, but you didn't have much time to do so, as her lips suddenly landed on yours, showing that Donna felt the same as you.

Everything seemed perfect, incredible. The relationship you started with Donna was a good reason to start leaving your past behind. You believed that this tangle of kisses, whispers of love, caresses, could tear down what seemed like an eternity of suffering.

In part it was like that, smiling was no longer too hard a job for you, but, to be honest, you didn't forget as much as you thought.

Sometimes those dark shadows came back. It didn't matter if it was day or night, those words echoed in your ears, preventing you from forgetting your complexes, those words that, after being too many years in your head, seemed like an immutable truth.

It wasn't strange that you wondered what that incredible woman was doing with you, what she could have seen in a horrible, ugly girl like you. Looking in the mirror, you came up with dark reasons for it. Maybe her complexes made her settle for the first girl who didn't run away, or simply, she felt better with someone uglier than her.

Deep down you knew it was nonsense, that none of the arguments your brain made were true but… after so much suffering, you just couldn't help but think it.

Two years later, that relationship continued. Donna was perfect, simply perfect, and you had a hard time understanding why perfection had set its sights on you, but it did, and the reasons mattered less and less to you.

You couldn't stop sadness and the past from coming back to attack you, causing you to cry in front of the mirror for no reason, looking at the reflection of what must have been… a monster.

Of course, your past remained hidden in the depths of your soul. You didn't want her to know about your misfortunes. You were afraid that, if she did, she would recognize that the love she felt for you was nothing but spite.

No, you couldn't tell her anything, you didn't want to worry her or expose your insecurities, besides there was no reason to do so anymore. In those two wonderful years, you didn't return to the village. You were convinced that, with time, you could stop crying.

“Hi,” you said with a slightly fake smile, erasing the tears from your face as you entered the workshop.

The lady in black didn't turn to look at you, but she made a loving gesture with her hand for you to come closer. You did, leaning down to kiss her cheek, to get that shy laugh that drove you crazy out of her lips.

“Mm, ciao, tesoro...” she whispered, turning her head so your lips crashed against hers, stealing a tender kiss from you. “Are you coming to keep me company?”

“Yes,” you said amused, enjoying the contact of her skin with yours, letting her hands grab your body, sitting you on her lap. “What are you doing?”

“Making dolls,” she said, looking back at the work table as you settled on her.

“Yes, I see,” you said amused. “Can I?” you asked, reaching out your hand to pick up the porcelain doll she offered you, looking at it lovingly. “It's very cool.”

“Grazie, (Y/N), but it's just like the others,” Donna said as you ran your fingers along the seams of that little dress. “Well, almost… Look, I decided to add some ruffles.”

“I gave you that idea,” you said with a sincere smile, sighing at the sight of the creation that came, in part, from your imagination. “What is she?”

“She's a fisherman's daughter,” she said, moving as she lovingly caressed your hair. “Look, see the little fish I embroidered on it?”

“Yeah, wow, that’s fabulous work, Donna,” you said, nodding in admiration at your girlfriend’s underappreciated work.

The lady smiled, looking at you, proud of your compliments, but that smile suddenly faded, bringing a hand to your chin and slowly lifting it.

“(Y/N), your eyes…” she murmured confused, studying your gaze.

“W-What's wrong with them? A-Are they ugly? Don't you like them?” you asked nervous, looking away from her.

You were starting to think that time would never heal your insecurities.

“Mm? Di che cosa stai parlando?” Donna asked, shaking her head. “Your eyes are beautiful, tesoro but… they're red… What's wrong? Have you been crying?” she asked with a worried tone.

“Oh, no, no,” you said, shaking your head effusively, rubbing your eyes. “It's just that… I think, I think I have an allergy to… to dust.”

“Allergy?” Donna questioned, frowning. “Really? W-Well, maybe I should hire a maid and…”

A maid? A beautiful girl in uniform working for Donna? A girl surely much more beautiful than you? A girl that the lady in black would notice, realizing that you were hideous? No, thank you.

“No,” you said abruptly, making her blink in confusion. “No, Donna, it will pass.”

She smiled, nodding.

“You're right, besides, I wouldn't like to have another girl in the house, you could fall in love with her,” the lady in black commented, whispering in your ear. “That would kill me.”

“Don't talk nonsense,” you said, laughing at the tickling her lips were starting to do on your neck. “I could never fall in love with someone other than you.”

“I like that you say that. I like knowing that you're mine…” she purred playfully, but before you could perhaps get carried away by passion in the workshop, the phone interrupted, making you two sigh in a complicit manner.

“Hey, you two!” Angie shrieked, interrupting the kisses that were beginning to heat up. “Are you deaf or is your blood not reaching your head? The phone is ringing!”

“Ugh, Angie,” Donna protested, pushing away the doll, who was already beginning to tug impatiently at her dress. “Behave, please…”

“Pick up the damn phone!” Angie shrieked, creating, along with the sound of the phone, a chaos in the normally silent workshop. “Let that silly thing go and get up!”

Your smile faded when you heard the doll talk about you as a… thing… The memories came back to haunt you.

“Angie, taci,” the lady growled, not obeying her puppet. “Pick it up, will you?”

“Always me! Angie, do this, Angie pick up the phone,” the doll mocked, making the lady laugh.

“Do it,” Donna growled, still kissing you, calming your nerves with her hot lips.

“You damn clingy fool…” Angie grumbled, leaving the workshop and obeying her owner.

Anyway, she couldn't do anything else, Donna created her.

After a while in silence, only accompanied by kisses, hugs and increasingly suggestive caresses, the doll returned, making you, with a knowing look, move away before your clothes began to disappear.

“It was the Duke,” the doll said, climbing onto Donna's lap, trying, unsuccessfully, to push you away from her. “He says he couldn't come this afternoon.”

“What?” the lady asked, frowning. “Why not?”

“I'm sorry, Miss Angie, personal matters,” the puppet said, imitating the merchant's voice. “What personal matters? Lose weight?”

“Cavolo…” the brunette lamented, passing a hand over her forehead. “We need flour.”

“So?” Angie protested, without being able to move an inch. “Send the fool to get it.”

“Yes, well… (Y/N), would you do me a favor and go to the village?” the lady asked, causing you to suddenly get up from her lap, nervous.

“M-Me? To t-the village?” you asked with difficulty pronouncing the words.

Two years had passed, two happy years without setting foot in the village. All your demons were still present, but, somehow, far away. Returning to the place where you suffered would only make things worse and besides, they would still be there, you were sure.

“Yes, you,” Donna said, frowning, surprised by your reaction. “Do you mind going?”

“Um, well… I… it's been a long time since I've been to the village and…” you murmured, looking away, somewhat embarrassed by your irrational fear.

“Ha!” Angie laughed amused. “Are you afraid of getting lost or something? Please…”

“No, of course not, it's just that…” you said nervously, noticing how sweat was beginning to run down your hands.

You couldn't, you didn't want to go back. Away from that place you had been safe. You just didn't want to go through the same thing. You couldn't do it, unless… Donna accompanied you.

“O-Okay, but… Donna, could you come with me?” you asked with a pleading look.

Being accompanied by a powerful Lord changed things. Maybe if those stupid girls saw you with her they would change their minds, or, at best, they would get the scare of their lives.

“Io?” she asked, pointing at herself. “No.”

“Why not?” you asked approaching the woman in black, who maintained a cold gaze. “How long has it been since you left the house? I think you could use some fresh air.”

“If I want to get some fresh air, I would take a walk around the grounds, like I do with you. I'm sorry, (Y/N), but I don't want to go to the village,” she answered with a dry voice, shaking her head. “I just need flour, the other things can wait. It's not that big of a deal.”

“It's not that big of a deal?” you asked more nervously, looking for somewhere to look. “Donna, I…”

“What's going on? Why don't you want to go to the village, (Y/N)? Is there something you haven't told me?” the lady asked, slowly getting up from the chair and holding your gaze with her eye half-closed.

“Um, no…” you sighed, lying again, unable to show the root of your problems, of your insecurities. “No, but…”

“Then obey, silly,” Angie said, with a severe tone camouflaged in a sinister laugh.

“I… O-Okay,” you said, without further arguments, defeated by that curious look that threatened with one of her interrogations. “I'll go.”

“Fine,” Donna said, arching her eyebrow and sitting down again. “Don't be long, tesoro.”

“N-no,” you murmured, biting your lip and slowly leaving the workshop.

As you walked, you thought about everything happened in that place, everything you had been through: the death of your parents, your loneliness, the cruel teasing of the girls… Everything had been generated in that sinister village. If there was a place you hated, that you never wanted to return to, it was that one.

Luckily, there was tranquility among the houses. No one noticed you as you walked towards your destination. Maybe, just maybe, those girls were no longer there, maybe you were worrying in vain. After all, two years had passed.

Everything seemed to be going surprisingly well, as you made the purchase relaxed, without awkward questions, as if you hadn't disappeared. For a moment, you had the hope that the demons that tormented you had disappeared with the passage of time. Unfortunately, it was a fleeting thought.

“(Y/N), what a surprise,” you recognized that voice immediately, freezing but forcing your legs to keep walking.

“Hey, where are you going so fast?” Olga insisted, grabbing your arm roughly. “Look, Miriam, Alicia, the monster is back.”

“(Y/N), you look ugly, as always,” Miriam said while you struggled against Olga’s grip. “What has happened to you these two years? Apart from being more horrible, of course.”

“Yes, (Y/N), we thought you were dead,” Alicia said, stopping you from moving forward.

“Leave me alone,” you whispered, pushing them away with your shoulder, trying not to hear their hurtful comments.

“What's wrong? Were you petrified by seeing your reflection? Have you hibernated? What happened to you?” Miriam insisted, with that petulant tone that reminded you of your horrible past.

“It's none of your business,” you growled, walking faster, escorted helplessly by the three girls.

“Well, we like to know where the monsters are, right, Olga?” Miriam commented, laughing mockingly. “So we can hide.”

Maybe telling the truth wasn't such a bad idea.

“You want to know where I've been? Huh?” you said, stopping abruptly, tears in your eyes again. “I've been living with Donna Beneviento for two years, she's my... girlfriend,” you said, faltering.

“What?” they asked in unison, looking at each other confused. “You must be kidding.”

“It's not a joke, so... stop, stop messing with me or I'll tell her and...” you said, pretending a threatening tone you weren't able to emit.

“Oh, what will she do to us? You're pathetic, (Y/N), of course, if anyone had to be with the crazy doll lady, it's you.”

“Don't insult her,” you hissed nervously, cornered again.

“Yes, surely that nutcase has noticed you because you're even much uglier than her.”

“Shut up!” you shrieked, shaking the bags in your hand. “I'll tell her and…”

“They say she's more horrible than a lycan,” Alicia hissed, approaching you with a smug smile. “That she has five eyes and claws in her mouth…”

“No, shut up,” you said, noticing how your legs were starting to fail you.

“Alicia, don't mess with the monster's girlfriend,” her friend said, with a cocky pose. “It's the most (Y/N) can aspire to.”

“It's true, although well, she probably hates seeing her face every day, that's why she sends you on errands, right?” she said, making tears return to your eyes.

“Well, a deformed being like her could only be with another deformed being like you. It's nature, but… well, maybe it's not a good thing,” Miriam commented, leaning uncomfortably on your shoulder.

“What do you mean?” one of the girls asked.

“It's obvious. That relationship won't last. Lady Beneviento will probably commit suicide for having her around, just like her parents... or, and yours,” Olga said with a dangerous tone.

“My parents died of an illness,” you growled nervously, looking everywhere, looking for some help.

“Yes, the illness of having an ugly as hell daughter,” the girl laughed, those laughs that didn't leave your mind even when you couldn't hear them.

“Relax, (Y/N), nothing will happen to her when she realizes how ugly you are, she probably won't take long to get rid of you, but... when she does, if you survive, don't go near the village, okay? You give nightmares to the children,” Miriam said.

Unable to defend yourself, you decided to run, to flee, while the three girls laughed amused. You didn't want to blame Donna for not being with you, for not making those stupid girls swallow their words, but you couldn't help but do so.

When you returned home, you didn't give any explanation, you just wanted to cry. You needed to. Your nightmare was far from over and your reflection in the mirror was becoming more and more distorted. It had been a while since you'd seen a person, but a monster.

“I'm telling you something's wrong with her, Donna, can't you see it?” you heard Angie say as you went up to the dining room.

The crying had exhausted you and you had masterfully avoided your girlfriend's questions.

“Yes, she was tired,” the lady whispered, setting the table while you listened, hidden in a corner.

“You're stupid, Donna, it's obvious that she's been crying,” Angie said, tugging at her dress. “I've approached the bedroom and heard sobbing.”

“If (Y/N) has any problems, she would tell me,” Donna said, sure of her words, ones she didn't know were a lie.

“Maybe the problem is you,” Angie murmured. “Donna, you are as understanding as a glass of water, why don't you ask her and…?”

“Oh, (Y/N),” the lady said when she saw you appear, with a tender smile, one that you returned with great effort. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, I just needed to rest,” you murmured with your voice broken by crying, letting the lady kiss you quickly before accompanying you to the table.

“Mm,” she murmured with a sweet smile as she sat in front of you, thus beginning another of your romantic, silent dinners. “Angie told me you have been crying.”

“Oh,” you sighed. “T-the allergy, you know.”

“If something worries you, (Y/N), you must tell me. You haven't said a single word since you came back from the village,” Donna commented, glancing at you out of the corner of her eye as she poured you a glass of wine.

“Nothing's wrong with me,” you said, feigning confidence, stopping eating for a moment and looking at the lady, who was frowning. “Hey, Donna, you… you love me, don't you?”

“Of course I love you, amore mio,” she sighed, reaching out her hand to caress yours. “I see tears in your eyes, tesoro. Please tell me what's wrong.”

“Nothing, I just sometimes wonder what you're doing with me,” you said in a sad tone, returning to your dinner.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Donna said amused, thus showing her lack of ability to understand emotions, something she wasn’t guilty of.

Poor Donna had been alone almost all her life. She wasn’t able to see the glow that indicated there was something wrong.

“Everything was delicious, Donna, but I think I'll go to sleep, I'm kind of tired,” you whispered after dinner, getting up from the chair.

“Wait,” she said, grabbing your wrist before you left. “(Y/N), I'm sorry about not going with you. If you're upset about that, I beg you to forgive me.”

“Oh, don't worry,” you said with a fake smile, kissing the back of her hand. “I have nothing to forgive you for.”

“Yes, but…” the lady said hastily, getting up and cupping your face in her hands. “I want to make it up to you. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my siblings and maybe, well, maybe you want to accompany me.”

“Do you want me to accompany you?” you asked, blushing at the proposal.

“Yes, um, the only bad thing is that you would have to wait outside, but I could give you that walk through the village, do you fancy it?”

“Sounds good, thanks, Donna,” you sighed, kissing her cheek with hope resurfacing in your chest.

Maybe, finally, you could get your revenge, scare those stupid girls, show them that they couldn't mess with you, that Donna was by your side, that she loved you, and that she didn't think you were horrible, because she didn't, right?

Luck didn't seem to be on your side at all. The next day, you walked with the veiled lady through the village.

There weren't many people on the street and they all lowered their heads as soon as they saw you. You clung to Donna’s arm, keeping her close, looking with your eyes for those girls, who seemed to resist appearing.

You finally reached the entrance of the cathedral, where you would have to wait. You were disappointed for not having been able to fulfill your objective, but you were patient, since there was still the way back.

“Well, well...” that voice, that voice again.

“What are you doing here, (Y/N)? Have you come to ask Mother Miranda to end your suffering?” other girl asked while you read quietly under a statue.

Unconsciously, you looked at the cathedral, looking for a help that wouldn’t come.

“I'm afraid there is no remedy for you, (Y/N),” Alicia said, letting herself fall next to you. “You are so ugly that not even the Black Gods could fix you.”

“Leave me alone,” you whispered, without taking your eyes off the door.

“Has your girlfriend committed suicide already? I would if I had to wake up every day next to a monster like you,” Olga commented, imitating her friend's gesture. “Now it's time to go after another Lord, isn't it? How about Moreau? You two look quite alike.”

“Yes, you'd make a good couple,” Miriam mocked, opening her eyes wide immediately.

“Ladies... Do you think it's fun to mess with my sister's girlfriend?” a seductive, velvety voice appeared behind you, the lady of the castle, Alcina Dimitrescu.

“My lady,” the girls repeated, standing up and bowing.

“Gods... How inelegant you are, my dears,” the lady in white murmured, placing a huge hand on your shoulder. “Maybe a few days in my castle will teach you some manners.”

“No, my lady, we're leaving now, my lady,” one girl said, terrified, walking backwards.

“Get out...” Alcina whispered, shaking her head. “Get out!”

You were nervous, sobbing, watching those three demons flee in terror. In other circumstances you might have laughed, but not at that moment.

“My dear… How do you let them say those things to you?” Alcina asked, sitting down next to you as best she could, running a hand over your tear-wet cheeks. “Can't you defend yourself?”

“I-I've been hearing them say that for so long that… that…” you said hiccupping, succumbing to your complexes, ones they created. “They're right.”

“They're right? Please,” she sighed, putting her arms around your shoulders. “You must be blind, dear. Those three stupid girls are just jealous.”

“I have nothing for them to envy… I'm a monster,” you sobbed, covering your face with your hands.

“Maybe you and I have a different idea of ​​what monsters are like, my dear,” the lady of the castle said, shaking her head and patting your back. “I assure you that I have rarely seen a girl as beautiful as you. You must believe me, I know a lot about beautiful girls.”

“No, that's not true, that's…” you stammered, ignoring the compliment. “It's a lie.”

“Hey! Keep your claws off our (Y/N)!” Angie shrieked, appearing next to Donna and threatening the vampire.

“Your (Y/N)?” the lady in white asked, standing up elegantly. “My dear… If she is really yours, you should care a little more about her.”

“What happened? Why is the fool crying?” the doll asked as the lady in black approached, bending down to lift your chin, a touch you rejected.

“Three undesirable vermin were mocking poor (Y/N). Donna, you disappoint me, how can you allow them to say such things to your girl?”

“Cosa?” the brunette whispered raising her gaze and abandoning her touch on you. “Mocking?”

“Sì, cara mia… Allow me some advice: protect what is yours if you want to have the guts to call yourself a Lord, because if you don’t… well, I suppose there will always be room in the castle for this beautiful young woman, right?”

“Who did it!?” Donna shouted, frantically, comically pulling on Alcina's white dress, making her laugh amused. “Who did it!?”

“Mm, three young girls, they went that way,” Alcina pointed with her head.

“Come on, Donna!” Angie shrieked, walking in that direction. “It's been a long time since we had some fun.”

“Wait!” you screamed, grabbing the doll maker by the hand. “Leave it be, Donna, let's go home, please,” you begged, sobbing, wanting to disappear from that scene.

“No,” she hissed, pulling away from your grip. “They will pay for it.”

“No, no please, Donna!” you shrieked, pulling the lady under the watchful gaze of her sister. “It doesn't matter, I just want to go home, please.”

“What did they say to you, (Y/N)? Why were they making fun of you?” Donna said nervously, putting her hands on your shoulders. “What did they say to you?”

“It doesn't matter, Donna, really,” you insisted, resisting her nervous grip, her nails digging into your skin.

“They've hinted to your girl that she's… ugly, which is nonsense in my opinion, don't you think, Donna?” the vampire explained in an indifferent tone.

“Ugly? Her?” the lady in black asked in a confused tone, looking at you slowly. “But…”

You sobbed, hurt, deeply hurt, and turned around, running away from the women, returning home with a heartbroken cry.

There was nothing to do. Donna had discovered your problems, and you couldn't, nor did you want to wait to hear how she might agree. You wanted to cry, scream, but above all, you wanted to be alone.

You couldn't tell how long you were crying against the pillow, in the dark bedroom, hearing in the background a tireless knocking at the door.

“Apri la porta, (Y/N)!” Donna shouted from the other side. “Do it! Do you dare to disobey me?”

“I want to be alone!” you shouted, resting your head on the pillow. “I don't want you to tell me they're right, I don't want to hear it!”

“Cazzo!” Donna shrieked, banging on the door harder. “Why are you repeating that nonsense!? Open the door! Ugh…”

“No!” you screamed childishly, glancing at yourself in the small mirror on the vanity table. “You want to leave me? That's it, isn't it? You'll leave me because I'm ugly!”

“What the hell are you talking about? (Y/N)… open the door,” the lady hissed, getting impatient. “Please, I can't stand to see you cry, I know it's not the first time you've done it.”

“What do you care if I cry? You'll leave me anyway,” you said, sitting up and rubbing your stinging eyes. “Say it already.”

“What? What do you want me to say?” It was heard from the other side.

“That I'm horrible!” you shrieked, opening the door and running away from the lady, who grabbed you tightly by the arms.

“You're pissing me off, (Y/N)…” she hissed, not letting you escape. “Now you're going to tell me what's wrong with you, why you don't stop crying day after day if you don't want me to get really angry, you don't want that, right?”

You could only shake your head.

“Well, talk, what's all this business about those girls? Why do you cry every night?” she asked, in a calmer tone, wiping away your tears. “Tesoro, you're so ugly when you cry…”

“I'm always ugly,” you murmured, sitting on the bed and playing with your hands. “T-Those girls…” you started when the brunette sat next to you, ignoring your self-pity. “…T-They were never my friends but since I was very little they were always… harassing me, insulting me…”

“(Y/N)…” Donna whispered, nodding for you to continue.

“I know I'm not beautiful, but they... they're always reminding me and laughing at me and... even when some guy would come over, they would talk him out of it, telling horrible lies and...”

“I don't get it, (Y/N), what's this about you being ugly? I'm sorry, but I can't understand,” she stammered, frowning, confused.

“Stop pretending! Look at me!” you shrieked, pointing at your face. “They're right, I'm horrible...”

“Are you sure about that? Are you completely sure?” Donna asked, pulling your hand, lifting you from the bed and dragging you to the mirror, sitting you roughly on the stool. “Look, (Y/N), look!”

“D-Donna...” you stammered scared as the lady grabbed your face, forcing you to look at your reflection.

“Look at yourself, (Y/N). Look at your face, your eyes, your lips…” she whispered, fixing her eye on your reflection while holding your head. “I've never seen a girl as beautiful as you.”

“Y-You're just saying that to cheer me up,” you murmured, lowering your head. “It's not true, I…”

“I can't believe you, (Y/N), even my sister has noticed that you're beautiful, do you really think she offers anyone a room at the castle? Please open your eyes, look at reality.”

You shook your head, looking at all your features, features that, you began to notice, weren't those of a monster.

“If you think you're horrible, (Y/N), what am I?” she hissed, pointing at the deformity of her face. “You've never needed to cover your face, have you? You don't need a veil…”

“Donna, I didn't mean…” you said regretfully, blinking. “It's just that they…”

“They? They're just bitches!” the lady shouted, cursing like never before. “Do you know what their only problem is? That they'll never be as beautiful as you.”

“S-So… you think that…”

“They're just jealous, (Y/N), jealous of you, but you know what? You shouldn't care, all you have to do is… look in the mirror and acknowledge the facts. You're the most beautiful girl in the village, and I don't have enough gratitude for the Gods, because someone like me is lucky enough to have you.”

“Donna,” you said with tears in your eyes, believing her words, forgetting the insults, the years of teasing, realizing that she was right, that boys were approaching you in droves, interested in you and scared by those stupid girls, just out of jealousy because they would never be like you.

“Come here,” Donna whispered lovingly, lifting you from the vanity table and grabbing you by the waist. “Promise me that you will never believe a single word again. You must believe me, tesoro. I will always tell you the truth.”

“I... I don't know what to say,” you stammered, excited because, for the first time, Donna had managed to calm your fears, because you realized that you should have always trusted her, that this nightmare would have ended if you had told her what was tormenting you during those nights of crying.

“Mm, then don't say anything, just kiss me, bella,” the lady whispered, slowly approaching your lips, devouring them in a wet and warm kiss, comforting and salty with tears.

It was a long, deep kiss, animated by the silence, by the nervous breaths your lips emitted while they caressed each other. Her hands grabbed your waist, bringing you closer to her body, letting all her warmth embrace you slowly, without hurrying, while you had fun messing up her black hair, letting it fall on her shoulders.

“I love you,” you whispered, keeping your eyes on hers, running a hand over the scar that deformed her face, discreetly consoling her own insecurities. “I love you…”

Donna smiled, closing her eye so your hands caressed her soft skin, letting only you have that privilege, only you realize that she was a beautiful woman, that her beauty was only for you.

The doubts, the insecurities disappeared little by little, with each step you took towards the bed, with the voices of your demons camouflaged by the wet sound of the kisses, of the steps on the wood. Donna let her body rest on yours as her hands clung to your face while her lips reluctantly moved away from yours kissing your skin slowly, whispering things you didn't understand, but tickled your flesh.

“Beautiful... the most beautiful girl in the world,” she whispered in your ear, her hips betraying her desire, her fingers caressing your collarbone and her lips refusing to abandon the softness of your skin.

You laughed at the compliment, wanting to give her that affection too, running your hands over the perfection of her body, her waist, her chest covered by what at that moment seemed to you to be a horrible black dress.

“Donna...” you gasped when those innocent hands stopped being innocent, when they attacked the ties of your dress and pulled it down your body while you were distracted by her kisses, with her shy tongue bristling every inch of your skin. “Donna…”

She didn’t answer, since worshipping your body was a task that always required all her attention. Her legs settled on either side of your hips and her fingertips undid the annoying bra that covered you.

You gasped again, letting yourself be carried away by the subtle movements of her body, with your hands struggling to make their way over her chest, to undress it, to delight your eyes with her naked and perfect body.

Her kisses went down little by little, without it seeming important to her the hand that slipped through her dress, the hand that caressed her chest softly, a chest that rose and fell nervously, anxious to know what your fingers would do to it.

She pulled away from your lips, sitting up for a moment to look at you, with a cold, thoughtful look. You wondered what was going through her mind, what she was thinking about while her two hands passed over your naked skin, stopping at your breasts, squeezing them in a dominant, but kind, respectful way.

“Il tuo corpo è bellisimo,” she whispered slowly so you could understand her and blush while laughing shyly.

Your smile provoked hers, and without knowing what you wanted, the lady in black stopped being so, taking that annoying dress off her body, staring at you.

“If you say those things to me... I won't be able to control myself,” you said amused, with a mischievous look, grabbing the back of her neck and bringing her lips to their only possible place at that moment, kissing yours.

The kisses heated the atmosphere like a fireplace in winter. Your bodies danced tirelessly, more and more exposed, naked. The caresses became subtle scratches, claims of ownership as you panted on her lips.

Your hands became jealous, they wanted to touch her, to feel her bare chest as it rubbed against yours, to delight in the perfection of her figure always hidden, always ashamed.

No, Donna had nothing to be ashamed of. She was a terribly beautiful woman even if she refused to recognize it. Then, you realized that your frustration must be similar to hers.

Two women in love unable to recognize each other's beauty; you seemed predestined, it seemed that the only thing you could do in your sad life was to be together, to love each other, to kiss each other, to fuse your bodies into one and tell the world that you were both making love with beauty itself.

You protested with a moan when you noticed how her lips left yours, how her silky hair tickled your skin and her hands grabbed your legs, moving them at will.

Your fingers searched for each of the corners that disappeared little by little, they searched for her breasts, to make her nipples stand up like she had done with yours. It was the least that a Goddess like Donna deserved, but she didn’t allow it.

Her lust had other plans, her lips wanted to kiss your breasts, your belly, your thighs… She didn't want to let you think that there was a single inch of your body that wasn't worth worshiping.

“Donna…” you moaned, relaxing your body as you felt her lips on your wetness, her tongue caressing your most intimate area while your hands desperately sank into your hair.

She laughed against your skin without stopping her wet feat, running through your folds, playing with your clit and gently stimulating it so the pleasure wasn't overwhelming. She wasn't making love to you; she wasn't giving you oral sex, no… Donna was worshiping you.

Her kisses weren't fast or anxious, they were slow; they were made to enjoy the taste of your arousal, to get those soft and erotic movements of your hips. You wanted to protest, to demand a place between her legs too, but she didn't let you.

“Shhh, this is just for you, amore mio…” Donna whispered into your skin, adding her hands to the fun, trying to stimulate the parts her tongue abandoned.

You wouldn't feel cold, you wouldn't feel neglected, she was there to make you enjoy as she thought you deserved.

Your childish grunts and protests began to drown with moans of pleasure, with intense shivers, when one of her fingers followed the path of her tongue, impregnating itself in your wet core, playing with your eager entrance.

“Donna, please,” you said without wanting to, involuntarily begging for that pleasure to materialize, to stop being superficial.

The lady heard you, pressing her lips to your skin for the last time and climbing your nakedness, allowing you to taste yourself in her kisses, in a terribly erotic way.

There was barely time to enjoy that sensation, as her fingers entered you without wasting any more time, curling into your trembling core, one that was already unbearably hot.

Her movements were soft, careful, perfectly timed by her kisses and caresses, by subtle moans that came from her lips, by the pure and almost innocent pleasure of giving you that altruistic passion, one just for you.

The moans soon got out of control, causing your imperfect nails to scratch the perfection of her skin, marking her back to cushion the waves of pleasure you felt. Her fingers were harmonious, tireless, tender and passionate, running along your walls in a unique way, entering, leaving, caressing…

“Donna! I’m…!” you screamed when your hips jerked sharply, when your interior kept her fingers still at the same time your entire back tensed, accompanied by a very scandalous moan.

Of course, your release wasn't going to put an end to that pleasure. Without giving Donna time to protest, you threw yourself at her, immobilizing her, not allowing her to embrace you without returning the favor first.

Clumsily, but with desire, you imitated her movements, you sank into her eager wetness, which seemed to call you, to turn you on just with her scent. Your tongue, your lips… everything she gave you came back in the best way you wanted, making the normally shy and silent Donna Beneviento unable to help but scream.

She had her release and the kisses returned, rubbing your bodies tirelessly, brushing your wet core with her thigh while she did the same, hugging each other, looking into each other's eyes, loving each other in a hot, erotic and unmatched way.

“Donna…” you sighed once the action ended, collapsing in her arms after a second orgasm, with your demons far away from you. “I love you…”

She laughed, kissing you on the forehead and rubbing your back, but suddenly she frowned, pushing you away.

“Where are you going? Come here, my love,” you said with a sad look, watching how the lady got out of bed and started to get dressed, with a frivolous, almost dark face.

“Stay here, tesoro, I'll be back soon… I have to talk to three stupid girls…”

[bluestjayy]

Life update:

I didn't make my deadline.

After approximately 200 applications, only 6 (first stage) interviews, 3 (second stage interviews), and more rejections than I could cope with some days, I unfortunately haven't been able to find a job since being laid off in September. This means I can no longer stay in my apartment. Which. Sucks.

I'm lucky enough to have my parents to fall back on, so I'll be moving back to their bungalow until I can find something to support me and save up enough money to come back to the city, so that's something. But it's also not going to be great for me while I'm there.

My hometown is an incredibly small mining town in the rural north-east, it's ridiculously close minded and conservative. I'm not out to any of my family for this reason, so I am for sure signing up for a minimum of a year being misgendered and stomaching casual bigotry from everyone I'm surrounded by.

And I love my parents, but our relationship isn't the best. They have a lot of really unhealthy, toxic, and occasionally abusive behaviours, and the way they treat each other and me is really... well it's not always good. Which is part of the reason I not only moved out but to a city that's 3 hours away in the first place. Their home is not intended for anyone but the two of them, it is incredibly small, and I will be living in a second room that only fits a camp bed and a small desk with very little privacy as this room is also where some of the utilities are. It's something, and I am so lucky to have this option at all vs complete homelessness. But I also know the toll this is all going to take on me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I have already had to start looking at my current possessions, over 4 years of the life I built here, and decide which parts I get to keep and which I now have to leave behind.

Being back there is going to be... I don't know. I get into dark places whenever I go home for the holidays for a few days so living there again... I really don't know.

I guess the only thing keeping me going is the idea I will be able to come back to the city I'm in right now, the one I call home, eventually. It's just going to take some time.

And I have a plan, I am already job hunting for remote roles I can do back there, I'm open to taking on two or three if necessary, and I've started working on opening an Etsy store for some of my crafting creations that may also help me fundraise the money to leave a lot faster. Perhaps I'll even consider commissions again.

But it's definitely going to be a long long year getting myself back on my feet again.

One of the only upsides currently is how much time I have to be working on fic and art (whenever the muse allows me!) so that's something I guess haha.

Anyway, thoughts and love and support and virtual hugs go a long way for me rn, and if you're so inclined (absolutely 100% not necessary but every little helps) here is the link to my tip-jar:

Ko-Fi

Even just giving this post a share would really help me right now. Those who know me know I find it really difficult to ask for help even when I'm in desperate need of it but I think, after six weeks of this reality slowly creeping up on me, I have reached a point where I am ready to say I really need it.

The fandom communities I have found myself in the last year have been an absolute rock for me. And I am so glad I get to be a part of them with you all.

In the end, it will be okay. That's what I have to keep telling myself. Positively rebellious and rebelliously positive.

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a wonderful day and I appreciate you all so much 💛

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part seven (chapter 19-21) previous part • next part

word count: 5.3k

content warnings: none!

Lily

"You can stay here for as long as you like. You know that right?" My best friend Emma says to me as we're sat side by side on her rooftop.

Going back to my parents felt like too much so I came to Emma's instead.

I'm clutching my knees close to my chest with my chin rested on them, "Thanks Em, I missed you." I say turning to look at her.

"I missed you, too. It's great to see you, I just wish the circumstances were better. I thought Connecticut was treating you good." She says sadly. I didn't tell Emma exactly what happened, just that I needed a break from college.

"Oh it is. Things have been really good." I think back to my first few months at UConn and can't help but smile but that smile quickly fades when I remember why I'm back in my home town. "I- I had an argument with Paige." I say truthfully.

"What? What did you argue about? Must have been bad for you to come running back here." Emma half laughs, looking out in front of her where our neighbourhood expanded out, eventually blending into the night's sky.

"Her ex showed up to her birthday party and kinda made a scene in front of everyone, begging for Paiges forgiveness. Paige just laughed her off though so I tried not to other think it."

"Right..." Emma says urging me to continue.

"Then she acted really weird with me the next day and basically asked me to leave her place and then like half an hour later I get a voicenote from her, saying this," I open up my phone and have to scroll past Paiges endless messages asking where I am, if I'm OK, telling me that she loves me and she's sorry before I get to the voicenote and press play.

I grimace at the words as Paiges voice plays out.

"Hold up. Replay that." Emma says clearly shocked at what she heard.

"Do I have to?" I frown, not wanting to hear the messaged I'd played hundreds of times already, again.

"No, sorry. I heard it loud and clear. I'm just shocked. I'm guessing that was a mistake?" I nod. "What did she have to say for herself?"

I relay everything to Emma, exactly the way it happened, not missing a single thing.

"Lily, I love you and I agree that Paige should have been honest from the beginning but I don't think this means she loves you any less or wants to get back with her ex. I think it just means she was a little bit stupid and probably panicked." My best friend rationalises.

"I know, but I panicked too. Paige is an amazing person with so many great qualities, I already feel like I'm not enough for her."

"OK, absolutely not. We're not going back there Lily. You need to remember who are, who you've always been. Before everything happened at the beginning of this year, Lily Kent would have never doubted herself. And I saw that Lily Kent coming back, so you better not lose her again. Paige is lucky to have you." Emma says looking directly at me, her hand resting comfortingly on my arm.

"And she's never made me doubt that." In the time I've known Paige, she's never once made me feel like she doesn't love and care about me deeply. She tells me how beautiful I am multiple times a day. She goes out of her way to make me feel comfortable in situations where I would usually feel uncomfortable. Shes never judged me about anything I've told her, shes actually been perfect.

I know her apologies were genuine and I won't hold anything against her, I just got scared and when I get scared, I run.

Paige

"She's not here Paige." Kelsey says with one hand on her hip, the other on the front door.

"Don't lie to me Kelsey. I know she doesn't want to see me but I just want to give her these." I say holding out a bouquet of flowers similar to the ones I bought her on our first date.

"I'm not lying, Paige. Did you see her car downstairs?" Kelsey asks raising her brow and when I think about it, no. No, I didn't see her car.

"Well, where is she? It's almost midnight!" I say checking the time on my phone. 23:47.

"I don't know if she wants me to tell you." Kelsey says and I just glare at her, "Kelsey, come on."

"Fine. She went home, left a few hours ago."

"Home? Home to Boston?" I ask confused.

"Yes Paige, home to Boston." My heart sinks because I know I'm the reason Lily felt like she had to get away. And my heart sinks further knowing she has gone back to a place that has so many bad memories for her.

"How long is she staying there for?" I ask, now standing awkwardly with the flowers in my hand, feeling like I could cry at any given moment.

"She didn't say. I'm sorry, Paige."

I shake my head, "It's my fault. Here, just take these." I hand Kelsey the flowers intended for Lily and turn and leave.

I debate getting in my car and driving to Boston and knocking on every door, on every street until I find Lily. But that's an impossible task. All I know is I don't want to go home, especially knowing Lily won't be there either.

So I go to what I know best. Basketball.

The court is in complete darkness when I enter. I flick on the lights one by one and they make a faint buzzing noise as they do.

Basketball has been the one constant in my life, the only time I didn't have it was when I was injured and that was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Not being able to do the thing you love most in life, the thing you're good at, the thing that makes you, you. I felt useless. I'm not sure how I got through it actually. Having basketball to come back to is what keeps me sane.

As I dribble the ball down the court and take shots from different points, I can't help but think about the times Lily and I have been on this court together. I shoot the ball from the three point line, usually an easy basket, one I could make in my sleep, but I miss.

I let out a frustrated groan and a few choice words. I'm pissed and basketball isn't even helping.

Eventually I leave the court and head home. Everyones alseep by the time I get back and I'm thankful I don't have to interact with anyone.

I try calling Lily one last time, but like all the others, it goes straight to her answering machine.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

Waking up next to Emma, in Boston felt foreign when I'd gotten so used to waking up next to Paige, in Connecticut. Even though my best friend was right next to me - I could practically feel her breath on my skin - I still felt alone. I missed Paige.

I had called in sick to my classes because it was now Monday morning and there was no way that'd I'd make it back to campus in time for my first lecture.

I reached over to the bedside table to check my phone, careful not to make Emma in the process. I had left my phone turned off for the past twelve hours so multiple notifications pinged through as I turned it on. Most of them were from Paige but I had a few from my friends too. Kayla was checking in to see if I was OK and Kelsey had sent me a picture.

I click on my roommates name and expand the message, the picture attached was one of a huge bouquet of pink and white flowers. They were beautiful. Kelseys message read from paige. Of course they were from Paige. I don't know why I expected anything less.

Messages from Paige had stopped being pleas of forgiveness and were now of concern about if I was OK and why I had gone home and when I was coming back. I couldn't form coherent sentences until I had some caffeine in my system.

Emma stirred beside before stretching her arms up and opening her eyes, "Coffee." Was the first word out of her mouth and I laughed, we were so similar.

My best friend and I quickly got ready before getting in the car and heading to the nearest Dunkin Donuts. I drove and can confidently say, I have not missed the Boston traffic.

"The flowers are really pretty." Emma says once we both have drinks in our hands and have taken a sip, "What are you going to do?" She asks.

"Well, I have to get back to campus either way. I'm working tomorrow and I really don't want to miss anymore classes." I say.

Emma dramatically wipes away fake tears, "So you're leaving me again." She says in faux sobs.

I nod, "Unfortunately, I'll head back to Connecticut after this." I say referring to our coffee date. "I need to speak to Paige too, obviously. I just don't know how or what I'm even going to say."

"You'll find the right words Lily, you always do." Emma encourages and I smile at her, "Thanks, Em."

I decide to finally text Paige back once we'd finished our coffees. I send a simple text, wanting to speak more in depth in person.

please answer my calls lily and we can talk about this

im coming over

where are you?

is it true you went home?

when are you coming back?

i hope you're ok, i miss you and i love you and im sorry

im ok, im coming back today

we should talk

I didn't expect Paige to reply because I thought she'd be in class but her response was almost immediate.

hi

yes definitely, let me know when you're back in ct

drive safe please, i love you

i will

i love you

"You guys will figure this out, don't stress it. Just be honest with Paige and ask her to be honest with you." Emma gives me some final words of encouragement as I put my bag in my trunk and prepare to drive back to Connecticut.

"I'll let you know how it goes." I say as I hug my best friend tightly.

"I love you Lily, drive safe." She says as I get into the drivers seat.

"I love you more, thank you for everything." I reply and wave as I back out of the driveway and begin the two and a half hour drive.

Paige

The day was going agonisingly slow and as I sat in the cafeteria with my teammates, I could feel myself falling asleep. I had barely slept last night and had an early class I needed to be up for and of course afternoon training which started at 12.

Lily had finally responded to my messages and told me she was coming home today and that we could speak but I didn't know what time that would be. I told her to let me know once she was back and I keep checking my phone, so much so Azzi tells me to stop.

"Paige, your notifications are on. You'll hear a text coming through." She says taking my phone out of my hand and placing it on the table.

"I'm just nervous." I admit, "I thought she'd never talk to me again."

Azzi laughs then quickly stops when she sees my deadpan facial expression, "Sorry," she apologises quickly, "but that even sounded ridiculous. She loves you Paige. I know that, you know that, everyone knows that. She probably just needed space, you kinda fucked up."

"Yeah, can everyone stop reminding me. I know I fucked up and I'm trying to fix it."

"You'll fix it, P. Well, you better because I really like Lily and things might be awkward when she comes round to see me and you're there." She jokes.

"OK, don't even say things like that. I'm going to fix it." I say adamantly.

"I believe in you." My best friend hypes me up with a pat on the shoulder, "Come on, let's get to training." She says. We gather our belongings and I check my phone one last time before heading to the gym.

Hearing from Lily this morning and knowing I was going to be seeing her at some point today and talking must have cleared my mind of any anxieties because everything on the court was flowing perfectly. Every shot I took was going in, every screen I set was executed the way I intended it to be and every block I attempted succeeded.

"Nice work, P!" Ash praises from the other end of the court, I raise my hand in thanks.

"Paige blockers in full effect, huh?" Nika laughs nudging into me.

"Not just a bucket." I jokingly shrug.

The rest of the session goes just as it started and Genos team talk is filled with confidence about the start of the season.

"Now go and get cleaned up, y'all stink." Coach jokes and we disperse from our huddle to go and shower.

"I think Paige said dinner was on her?" Aubrey says as she drapes her arm over my shoulder.

"Ha! You wish." I say as the majority of the team begin to leave the changing rooms.

"She's got some serious grovelling to do." Ice reminds me.

"I do. I'm not sure if Lily's back yet though, I'll text her." I say pulling out my phone as we walk back onto the court to exit the gym.

"No need." Aubrey says into my ear and I flick my head up quickly and I see why.

Lily is sat on one of the far benches. Her hair is tied on top of her head in a messy bun and she's wearing a black sweater and matching joggers. She has a bag flung over her shoulder and she's looking down, focusing on her hands in her lap.

"Good luck." Aubrey says and she pats me on the back before her and the rest of the team make a swift exit, saying hi and waving to Lily as they pass her.

As I get closer to Lily I notice how tired she looks. She has faint dark circles around her eyes and her eyelids hang lower than usual.

"You look tired." I say before I can stop myself but Lily just smiles, "Thanks." She says sarcastically.

"Sorry, I mean hi. I missed you." I say now stood directly in front of Lily.

"I was only gone a day." She says looking up at me slightly, giving me a clear view of her soft features.

"I still missed you." I say not able to stop my hand from cupping her cheek.

"We should talk." She says moving her face from my hand and the nerves that had dispersed whilst I was on the court, return again. 'We should talk' is such an ominous expression and knowing I'm in the wrong here, I'm not sure how this is going to go.

"Here?" I ask looking around the court, it was empty apart from us but I'm not sure if anyone else is scheduled in.

"Here's fine." Lily confirms so I sit next to her leaving a decent sized gap between us to avoid her shuffling down if I sat too close.

"I'm sorry." I say and takes me a few seconds to realise I didn't just hear my own voice but Lily's too.

"You're sorry? For what?" I ask confused, turning my head to look at her.

"For not listening. For running home instead of staying here and sorting this out." Lily explains.

"It's OK Lily, I understand why you did that. I acted so stupid. I really am sorry. And I need you to believe me when I say I never kissed Marianna. I should have been honest from the moment she messaged me but I freaked out thinking you'd be mad and then I just made it worse."

"And then I freaked out when I heard everything out of context and I thought you wanted to be with her again. Do you want to be with her again?" Lily asks, eyes glossing over as they focus on mine.

"Oh my god Lily, no. Not at all. I want to be with you and only you." I say sliding along the bench, closing the gap between us so our hips and thighs are touching and I reach out for Lilys hand and she lets me take it. "It's only you, pretty girl." I press a kiss to her hand locked in mine.

"Can we make a promise to always be honest with each other about things that happen and how we feel?" Lily asks looking at me.

I nod my head, "Yes. I promise to always be honest with you."

"Me too." She says and I brush a few wispy flyaways out of her face and my hand rests on her jaw, "And promise to never leave me again." I say as I lean closer to Lily. "I promise to never leave you again." She says and our foreheads are resting on each others, "I love you so mu-" "I love you too but please shut up and kiss me."

I do as Lily says and press my lips to hers and she kisses me with an urgency and need that ignites something inside of me. One of my hands is on her neck, the other is trailing up her thigh and onto her hip, I missed having her at the tips of my fingers. Lilys hand clutches onto the fabric of my hoodie and she moans into the kiss. Fuck.

"Why'd you stop?" Lily pouts as I pull away, breaking the kiss.

"I was almost forgetting where we were. Let's go back to mine." I say standing up offering my hand for her to take.

"Is everyone out?" She asks and her eyes are round and hooded and she just blinks, slowly at me.

I nod my head, "Stop giving me those eyes or we won't even make it to the car." I warn as she slips her hand into mine and we speed walk out of the gym.

"Is that a threat Paige Bueckers?" She says lowly, leaning her body into mine.

"Yes. So just be a good girl." I say as we reach my car and I open the passenger door for Lily to get in, "I'll try my best." She says with that same soft, innocent look on her face and I have to bite my lip.

"Just get in the car Lily. You're driving me crazy."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

"I kinda wish you were just coming to watch and didn't have to work." Paige says to me as she packs her bag in preparation for todays game.

UConn were playing Dayton in their season opener in the XL Centre. Marcus and I were going to be courtside during warmups and the match to capture content and then in the media room post match to conduct interviews.

"Me too, but I'm excited for my first ever basketball game." I grin from my place on Paiges bed.

Things had been good, in fact great with Paige since Marianna Gate. We were able talk it out and move on and things were back to normal in no time.

"Your first taste of WAG life." She smirks zipping up her full backpack and walking over to me.

"Uh huh," I nod reaching out for Paige as she stood at the foot of her bed, I place my hand on her hip, looking up at her, "You might even get a pre-match kiss."

"Oh really? What about post-match?" She asks cheekily, raising her brows.

"You have to work for that one." I remark smirking up as Paige towered over me.

"And how about now?" She asks reaching for my hands and pulling me up so I'm standing in front of her.

"Hmm," I ponder exaggeratedly, pretending I was thinking about it, "maybe just a quick one."

"Oh I can be quick." Paige says as she dips her head down bringing her lips to mine, pushing them together hungrily that I almost topple back onto her bed.

I smile almost breaking the kiss but quickly regain focus not wanting this moment to end. My hands trail up Paiges shirt coming into contact with her soft skin and I feel her growl lowly against my mouth. Her hands mirror mine and find their way up my shirt. Her touch is like fire on my bare stomach as they move up towards my chest and I gasp as they delicately slip into my bralette.

"PAIGE! We need to leave...like yesterday!" Azzi's voice calls out and we're both abruptly brought back to earth.

"If that was quick, I'd love to know what it's like when you take your time." I say to Paige as I readjust my clothing and she does the same.

"Stay over tonight and you'll find out." She says slinging her bag over her shoulder and leaving me flustered and red cheeked in her bedroom.

"I feel like we're at high risk of getting a ball to the face." I say to Marcus as we settle into our front row seats.

"It's never happened before so if it does I'm blaming you." He jokes, pulling out his notebook and pen and scribbling down some words.

I take my work phone out of my bag and immediately open up the camera snapping photos of the venue and the girls warming up.

I had been given the uconnwbb Instagram login for todays game and my job was to post exclusive behind the scenes content as it happened. I posted the first few stories then stood up to capture another angle.

Both teams were on the court warming up but my focus was on UConn, of course. I recorded as Aaliyah and Jana each in turn took shots at the basket, to no surprise they were all going in.

"Lily! Record me!" KK called out over the ruckus of bouncing balls and squeaking shoes. I aimed the phone at her, focusing the camera and dragging down on the screen to reduce the exposure. KKs eyes stayed on the camera lens and she took a no-look half court shot but it fell a few inches short, missing the basket and bouncing to the ground.

"Delete that!" She says running over to me and I laugh holding my phone close to my chest, "That's one for the archives." I say while KK just glares at me.

"Watch and learn." Paige gets our attention as she dribbles the ball to the centre of the court. She stands in the exact position KK just was, her eyes focused on us, body turned away from the basket.

I hold my phone still and steady, Paige in the centre of the screen and she sends me a quick wink before launching the ball out of her hands. I watch in awe as the basketball hurls through the air and eventually finds the basket.

Paige and KK absolutely lose it and run laps around the court screaming. "Tell me you got that?" Paige says stopping in front of me. "Yep!" I grin, turning the phone around so she can see what I just captured.

Geno called the team together for a quick team talk before the girls had to go and get changed into their match gear. I snapped a quick photo of them all huddled together and went to sit back by Marcus.

"You're close with the team." Marcus says glancing up from his laptop to look at me.

"You could say that, yeah." I respond feeling slightly awkward.

All of our close friends know that Paige and I are together but other than that we've kept things pretty private.

"Do you see them much outside of work?" Marcus presses and I nod my head in response, "Yeah, we hang out sometimes."

"Maybe you could put in a good word for me?" Heat immediately rises in my body as he says those words.

"Sure. With who?" I ask keeping my focus on the phone in my hands.

"Paige. She's cute right?" He asks and suddenly I can't speak.

"Um- I- I'm-" I struggle to speak with a mix off awkwardness and jealousy having taken over.

"Come on, you can't deny she's hot." Marcus continues and I can't take it. My skin prickles at the way someone else is talking about my girlfriend.

"Marcus, I-" I stand up from my seat not knowing what to say or do next.

"Lily, sit down. I'm kidding. Whatever you have going on is obvious, I just wanted to see if you'd say anything." Marcus laughs and I instantly relax and sit back down.

"Not funny Marcus." I say nudging him in the arm.

"I won't say anything, secrets safe with me." He says and acts out zipping his lips.

"It's not exactly a secret." I say turning my attention to Marcus.

"But you don't want people to know?"

"We don't want the internet to know...for obvious reasons." I tell him honestly.

"I get that." He says understandingly.

My phone buzzed in my pocket telling me I had a new notification. I pulled it out, it was a text from Paige.

I think I remember being promised a pre match kiss

come to the changing rooms

am i allowed?

just come, we'll be quick

I locked my phone and slipped it back into my pocket, "I'll be back." I say to Marcus before getting up out of my seat next to him and navigating my way to the changing rooms.

Obviously, I'd never been in this venue before so it truly was the blind leading the blind when it came to finding Paige. I was about to text her saying I'm lost when I turned a corner and at the end of the hall I saw my girlfriend, clad in her match day kit.

She had her back turned to me slightly, her long blonde ponytail hanging down her back, stopping just before the BUECKERS, covering her number but I didn't need to see it to know it was a 5.

"Looking good Bueckers." I say getting Paiges attention and she turns her body to me, her signature smile plastered on her face.

"Hi pretty girl," She greets me with her usual pet name that never fails to give me butterflies, "What do you think?" She asks smoothing down her jersey.

"You look great, P." I say closing the gap between us, my hand resting on her chest, "So hot." I say glancing up slightly because of our hight difference.

Paiges cheesy grin softened into a flirty smirk as she brought her face close to mine pressing our lips together. As always Paige kissed me with passion and urgency that made my skin feel like it was on fire. The kiss was short but sweet and as we pulled away I wanted nothing more than to lean back in.

"Good luck out there. I love you." I wish Paige good luck as she pulls me into a quick hug, her face nuzzling into my neck, "I love you. See you out there."

Watching Paige dominate on the court and lead her team to victory made me happier than ever. I've watched Paige train and practice and scrimmage so many times over the past few months but she had a different energy in the game today and it was radiating off her even once the game had ended.

The girls begin to disperse after shaking hands with the opposing team and congratulating each other. My eyes don't leave Paige and I flash her a small smile and show a thumbs up when she looks in my direction. The stadium is still bustling with fans and I can only assume the cameras are still rolling so I'm shocked when Paige jogs over to me and wraps me in a hug.

"Hey superstar." I beam once she's let me go. "You did great!"

"Thank you, Lils. I'm so glad you were here." She says and fiddles with the chain around my neck, fixing the pendant placement.

"Paige, people can see us you know." I remind her, feeling like everyones eyes were on us.

"I don't care if you don't." She says both her hands now resting on her hips, "Do you care?"

I think back to my initial doubts about our relationship being public. The pressure from outside felt like too much but loving Paige and being loved by Paige doesn't deserve to be hidden, it deserves to be shouted from the rooftops.

"I don't care." I reassure her and the smile that spreads across her face is enough to reinforce that.

After another quick hug, Paige goes over to the fans that have been screaming her name since the second she stepped on the court and Marcus and I make our way to the media room to prepare for post match interviews.

Paige

"Y'all are like viral, do you realise that?" KK says to Lily and me. She's scrolling through TikTok turning her phone around periodically to show us pictures and videos of our post game interactions.

"Paige has been viral." Nika says, "My whole For You Page is more of a For You Paige."

"I think that says more about you Nika." Aubrey laughs and we all join in.

"Lily deserves to be viral. I want the whole world to know how beautiful my girl is." I say pressing a kiss to Lilys head. We're sat on my bed with our backs against the wall, Lily is slouched into me comfortably and she's wearing my clothes because she's staying tonight.

"Cringe!" KK fake gags and rolls her eyes earning a pillow throw from Lily.

"Need I remind you, you're in my bedroom, clowning me for loving on my girl." I defend my PDA.

"Now everyone knows, you're going to be insufferable aren't you?" KK asks with a huff.

"Damn right. Now get leave so we can make out in peace."

"Don't need to tell us twice." Nika says standing up from the chair at my desk, grabbing onto KK and Aubrey dragging them out of my room.

"Goodnight mom and mom." KK calls out before closing the door leaving Lily and me alone.

"You love making them uncomfortable, don't you?" Lily laughs.

"I love loving you. Is that so bad?"

She shakes her head, "The complete opposite." She says planting a kiss to my lips.

"I'll do anything to protect you Lily. If this gets too much just tell me and I'll deal with it." I tell my girlfriend.

I know what the internet is like and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about Lily and how she'd handle the reaction. I love the way the game has grown and how we're starting to get the recognition we deserve but it comes with a white hot spotlight and people think they know you, own you and I won't let Lily be dragged into that.

We spend the rest of the night in my bedroom, laying in each other's arms, talking and laughing, just enjoying each others company and making out of course.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[quinnydoll]

you told me to send an ask so I am. this is more of a personal story than anything, so I ask anonymously. I'll also keep it short!

Ever since I first discovered Doll Identity, I've been very curious of it, and kinda wanted to try it. but every time I do I just never really felt it. it just didn't feel right for me personally. but I've always wondered why I was allured by it, and something happened recently that made me realize why, and what I really am.

I basically got called to the doctors, and got braces. that's, it. the problem was that I didn't really know I was getting braces, and I didn't really understand it would take years to go through. so, basically in the course of one day my life was changed drastically. that, along with recent events, and more, has made me feel small. I was born with issues that needed so many surgeries, and they still haven't fixed it. so I feel like I'm mish-mashed with metal and such.

I realize, that because I have memory issues and because I feel small, I often prop up a huge puppet. a huge web of notes to remember things, that I can rescan like a machine. I wear a mask, and hat, and big pants, and big jackets. I do so much despite how small I feel. and I've realized that like, I feel allured by the doll Identity because of this feeling, but I could never get over the non-personhood part of it. like I still feel like a person, I just don't feel like I have a lot of control, to the point that nowadays I kinda feel like identifying that way.

It's just all kind of interesting to me.

life-altering trauma is nearly always a major factor in doll identities, in this one's experience. in fact, it doesn't believe it could name a single doll who hasn't had to deal with said level of trauma. the example of braces being added, before you even knew you were getting braces, making multiple years of your life veer off into a different trajectory sounds like life-altering trauma to this one. of course, never is it exclusively that example of life-altering trauma. there's always more to it

in this one's case, it's had multiple cases of life-altering trauma, but it feels as though it might be able to deal with that if it weren't for the smaller things accompanying the larger traumas. small fights, losses where there shouldn't be, lack of fulfillment, and in general, things that you'd have to face in normal, every-day life

either just the life-altering traumas, or the smaller difficulties, it could probably deal with without the feeling of loss of personhood. combined, it's an overwhelming emotional cocktail of sickening proportions. it's a trigger pulled by a gun to propel a bullet ready to hollow out the already fragile soul which reality aimed it at, which passes through said soul before it's had a chance to even process that a trigger has been pulled, let alone a detonation propelling the projectile in which would destroy its personhood irreparably

it wasn't forced into this identity though, and you shouldn't be either. for a time, it tried to be a person, to fit the broken pieces together and pretend they stayed like that without constant and immense effort to keep them from falling apart again. it found that maintaining personhood was causing its relationships with others to deteriorate and grow distant. in light of this, it stopped trying to be a person, it stopped forcing itself to put the pieces back together every time they fell apart again, and strain itself more in order to maintain this state of existence that wasn't making anyone happy

it is not a person, it is a doll. an object. a thing

that's not something that a lot of people like to hear it say, but that's because of an already preconceived notion that one's own objectification is an inherently bad thing. you'll hear the expression of "they treat(ed) me like an object" from unhappy individuals in regards to a relationship that's fallen to unfortunate circumstances. this, is more to the extent of lacking care for them, or making them feel discarded. however, for this one, it's a kind of object that you would imagine someone would feel a certain amount of care for, rather than one to be disregarded

dolls may be objects, dolls may be non-people, but that doesn't make them not worthy of care, and it's not something that makes them something to be discarded. dolls are more to be cared for, not to be discarded. dolls are to be treasured

[basementalhealth]

Jevil headcannon #12

Jevil's words doubling sometimes is just a verbal tic he developed from losing his mind and the second time he says the word he's doubling,instead of it sounding smoothly the same,it sounds like he sat on a prick.

[hurglewurm]

rather unfulfilling therapy session about how bad i am at speaking the same language as others and seeing and being seen. not without its worth. feels awful though. i'm not happy

[blizzardfluffykpop]

why the fuck do i miss pigeons

[mangostarjam]

where's that post about wanting a quiet life —

i turned down an interview to promote to a supervisory position and my boss has been gently disappointed (and wrangled another boss to join in this) and i just — i appreciate their confidence in me and my abilities but i also just... don't... want that job. i get paid enough now and can make it work (and it's unionized so i still have raises in my future) —

i don't want to toss aside my hard fought work life balance and take on all that responsibility. i just want to do my job, not care so much about it, and use my free time for what i actually enjoy in life

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[ofcrossrcads]

oh