#don’t wanna get too overwhelmed <:]< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[werebutch]

Oversharing 💪

Probably insensitive but if my disabled dad cannot function well enough to heat his own food up in the microwave, take his cup to the sink, throw his trash in the garbage bin, what am i supposed to do? What is HE supposed to do ? And how much of this do i question without being an asshole? And seriously truly what the hell am i supposed to do?

I KNOW he can do the above things. He’s physically able, he can walk, but he has pain and will sometimes faint bc of blood sugar and stuff. But most of all he says he’s too weak to do that stuff. There was a time after he got out of the hospital + physical therapy where he was able to walk around and do stuff. It was difficult but he could still do things like walk around a grocery store or do dishes. Btw we have a dishwasher — when i say do dishes i mean just simply put them in the fucking dishwasher. Idk. He doesn’t manage his diabetes well at all, so he’s constantly in a state of crisis bc he neglects himself. Anyways. My question is, if he’s too weak to do that stuff anymore by living at home (he works from home, so he’s not even exerting energy by working. He’s on his phone most of the time anyway. Cleaning up after himself is pretty much the only thing i ask of him), why the fuck is he letting himself be that way. If it’s possible for him to not be as disabled as he is, why is he not trying even slightly to make it easier on himself? He hates being this way

He’s told me so many times how one day he’s gonna get more physical therapy done and he’ll be able to hike w us and stuff, which is smth we all like to do together. He’s holding himself back — im not saying this in the dumbass way where will can overcome all disability but i AM saying that there IS a realistic way for him to improve and yes, he is too depressed to do it, but he’s also a grown man who has his family begging for him to get somewhere with this . You don’t think I’m depressed too ? yet I still force myself to do all this because I care about my family. You’re grown. You have to choose at some point. After years and years of this and after so many people support you, i genuinely cannot sympathize with the idea that it’s out of his control anymore

What am i supposed to do? Am i just supposed to accept that he’ll never be able to do anything himself and just let him have that? I’m literally fulfilling the housewife role, physically with tasks, emotionally, and parentally, and it’s disgusting to me. He works from home all he does is sit at home apologizing to me over and over about not doing anything, but still not ACTUALLY being sorry enough to do anything about it. And ofc i say it’s ok bc what am i supposed to do. I’m tired of wrestling myself back and forth thinking im bad for expecting anything of him -> getting fed up with doing everything for him -> thinking im bad again. And yeah maybe one day out of every 2 weeks he’ll have a day where he’ll clean the kitchen or get all the trash up that he throws down by his chair and throw it away. It makes him feel good, it’s great. But as soon as it’s done, he continues not putting in any effort. You are tired from going to fucking Walgreens? From putting the clothes away that i washed dried folded and brought to your room? So you just throw them on the floor and now they’re mixed with the dirty ones so I have to wash everything again, because you can’t remember what’s clean ? And you’ve taught your (now adult! Adult!!!!!) kids to behave in this helpless way as well? Now they think they can scream in my face if i tell them to take the garbage out a second time because they didnt do it the first time i asked ?

If it’s true and you’re tired, then you need physical therapy. Walking to the kitchen should not wind you, your illnesses don’t explain that. It’s simply because you haven’t built your muscles up enough to do that, which I understand because it’s hard, but what the hell. Our insurance will cover it so there’s no reason not to. Also, my dad is known for being lazy even before he became this disabled, so how do I know what to question and what not to? I’ve caught myself being an asshole to him but I’m also tired of him choosing helplessness, it’s so hard. Obviously he is never going to be at full strength, i don’t expect that, i just expect him to pick up after himself and just help me a little. Please

And I don’t even know if my complaints are truly valid (hate that word but ok -__-) bc 1. Could be way worse like years ago and 2. Is it really that big of a deal to clean? Except yes it is and no one understands how disgusting a house can get unless you are in this situation . Detrimental effects on my mental health no matter if i choose to clean or not. So idk. Or the secret third thing which is most likely - I’ve been depressed for so long, houses we’ve had have always been gross + cluttered bc of mental illness in the family, so now as an adult my threshold for what i can stand is very small, bc it’s been built up this whole time with no breaks. So yes it’s bad here, but I feel so stressed bc of the history of it, not just current events... I just feel sooooo trapped lol like this has been going on forever and slowly I’ve regained control so now I solely control the house, which has improved it, but it’s also a huge stressor on me, because the more i take on, the more is expected of me. Like how my dad can’t microwave his own food or pick up his meds at the pharmacy drive thru. LOL

So much oversharing and idgaf if no one reads bc it’s embarrassing and probably pretty dumb like i could be dealing with sooo much worse lol but im so fed up and don’t feel like going to get my journal lol. So yep sorry bout that but GRRAAAAAHH!

My dad is not evil my family is not evil. They are depressed. Not evil thats unrealistic and cartoonish and i think if ur response to this is to say smth like that i understand but u may want to evaluate ur life and relationships. My family is depressed. I’m depressed. Thanks for trying to validate my experience but it makes me feel strange when people view my family as cartoon villains when literally everything is nuanced and I’m sure that from their perspectives, what they’re doing is rational. Humans ok lol but i am very frustrated

[hobbithoes]

Making an emo mournwatch death caller mage i’m soooo freaking hype for new dragon age 😭

[chipmunkweirdo]

I need to work on slowing down to actually enjoy the items on my to-do list more instead of rushing to get through them.

It’s hard, because it never feels like I have TIME to stop and enjoy them.

I also wish I could find a new TV show to hyperfixate on, but nothing’s picked up my interest to that level lately.

I like my job but it is STILL zapping all my mental resources to the point where I come home and I can’t even read a fanfic in bed like I used to without falling asleep during it.

I’m not supposed to complain though. I’m supposed to only focus on the positives. And it’s an okay job, sometimes fun. Sometimes too repetitive.

OH OH! The munks and I brainstormed on the job a tiny bit yesterday! That’s the first time that’s ever happened at work. Usually, my creative brain shuts down the second we start working.

I hope we’ll have more daydream and brainstorm moments as we get more confident in not messing up what we’re doing.

[j2zara]

I don’t want to go anywhere else I like it here. I like yall it’s so rare to feel any sense of community in fandom. I just always feel like I’m fucking up whenever I’m in discord it’s so overwhelming and I feel like I never say the right thing. My impulse is always the wrong one etc etc

[edwinisms]

so damn close to finishing writing my first fic for this show but my head feels like it’s gonna explode from writing an entire 3.3K theoretical analysis paper for like five hours straight and if I look at my computer screen much longer I might just fucking die so. here we are. suffering.

[byanyan]

still alive ftr just... struggling to get myself to do stuff again bc ofc I am ajdgks

[hysterotic]

hi so i will cry if u dont update me on "the closets way to get to a girls heart is througha knife"

im crying

its so good

WHAHHHH IM CRYING.

-🛀 anon?

okayyy fineee you can have a lil bit of the intro for now

[happi-dreams]

do u plan on opening commissions :o

Helloooo!!

not at the moment! I have sixth form going on currently and I want to focus my energy on that on the moment, though afterwards I think doing commissions would be fun! :D

[dahldahlbills]

I really need to get serious about personal projects again

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Can we *please* have pride events that are more accessible to autistic people please golly

I lasted maybe 3 hours at pride before melting down, and that was *with sensory accommodations*. We took a break in a sensory space multiple times! I wore ear guards all the time! I wore safe comfy clothes and drank lots of cool water for temp regulation!

but huge huge crowds outside in sticky heat with packed streets and super bass boosted music. which was amplified by my ear guards. everyone was so nice when we talked to them, but I couldn’t talk to anybody because taking off my ear guards hurt too much and I was rapidly losing speech. it was fun shopping at all the art stalls and meeting people, but the stalls were closely crowded and moving between them was difficult.

like. I was the only visibly autistic person there that I saw. and I saw a LOT of people. and there were lots of other things me n my friends wanted to do, that we couldn’t do, because the place was too overwhelming and I melted down.

kinda feels lonely. I didn’t really get to talk to or meet a lot of people.

I wish there were smaller inside events alongside the huge outside ones. like a board game thing or smth. an indoor social. a few inside art stalls. *something*. Even an indoor drag show! There were drag events they were hosting and I couldn’t watch or enjoy them bc the music outside was So Fucking Loud.

there are other issues I had with that event but that’s the main thing. it turned smth I was excited to participate in, into smth I was just quietly miserable about. which kinda sucks. was worth it to go try once, but I don’t think I’d go again.

[garoujo]

aaaaa guys i start my new job tomoz !!! ૮꒰ྀི ´∩∩` ꒱ྀིა i’m gonna speed run my genshin dailies then i’m gonna sleep but !!! i’m so nervous i need to wake up at 6am sob but eeee i’m excite too <3

[pluckyoureyesout]

.

[teruthecreator]

trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard

[pierregaslays]

f2 is actually so much fun idk maybe i should watch it more

[rosicheeks]

😤🤦🏽‍♀️