#don’t tell me kirk wasn’t gay

[internerdionality]

The unholy trio:

Bonus:

lets make a new trope: gay characters who are actually seemingly impossible to kill to the point that all of their enemies are comically frustrated. functionally immortal gay characters. being gay making you immortal. unkillable gay trope.

[twopoppies]

Would you have a rolling stone subscription or any of your followers please? https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/american-idol-lgbtq-contestants-1235027350/

It doesn't seem to be behind any sort of paywall for me, but I tend tp be cautious when reposting entire articles because blogs have been taken down for it before. Here's most of the worst of it, though. DM me if you want more and can't access it.

Travis wasn’t aware that he couldn’t carry a tune until his audition aired on TV a year later, in January 2006. Seated in the living room of the same halfway-house counselor who had driven him to the audition, he thought to himself, “God, I do suck.” But the realization was too late. His phone was already being blitzed with calls, first check-ins from friends and family members and then requests for interviews with People and Us Weekly. Soon after, Travis says the LGBTQ+ advocacy group GLAAD (which did not respond to a request for comment on this story) telephoned with the offer of taking action against Idol on his behalf. He thought to himself, “What the fuck did I just do?”

The public reaction to Travis’ off-key rendition of Whitney Houston’s 1993 single “Queen of the Night” is perhaps most succinctly summed up by the title of a YouTube video of the tryout: “American Idol Audition Boy or Girl.” Travis wore bell-bottom jeans in a feminine cut and a white tank top to his audition, pulling his wavy blonde hair behind his ears. Simon Cowell, infamously the harshest critic among the show’s original trio of judges, appeared horrified by the sight of Travis, his mouth agape. After Randy Jackson, the panel’s swing vote, kicked things off by asking the contestant to say “something interesting” about himself, Cowell asked, “That’s necessary, is it?” Cowell proceeded to stop Travis in the middle of his performance, which he called “confused.”

Travis has come a long way since Idol. After pivoting to a successful career in gay porn under the name Kirk Cummings, he retired from the adult entertainment industry and now works as a dog groomer, a profession he finds peaceful. But even 19 years later, he finds the footage of his audition tough to watch. As he left the studio in tears, editors added the theme music to The Crying Game, the 1992 film that uses the sight of a trans woman’s body to shock viewers. Today, Travis presents as male and uses masculine pronouns, but at the time of his audition, he had hoped to someday transition. He even had his new name picked out: Kelly. When he was incarcerated, others would try to dissuade him from pursuing a future as a trans person by telling him that it’s a “really hard life,” and Idol seemed to prove them all right. 

“I thought, ‘Wow, if this is how my life’s going to be, then I don’t want any part of it,’” he says. “My experience is not the normal experience of a trans person, but because I had chosen to be on a television show, I saw the worst of it.”

Open cruelty is no longer part of the Idol brand, now that the show is in its second run on ABC after Fox canceled the long-running program in 2015. The series, like much of contemporary reality TV, now trades on positivity, and the annual tradition of airing bad auditions has long been discontinued. But during the height of its popularity in the 2000s, schadenfreude was a major part of the show’s appeal. While launching the careers of instant household names like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, Idol was also the show where tens of millions of viewers watched Cowell tell Season Three contestant Heather Piccinini that she’s “ugly” when she sings and belittle Season Five’s Crystal Parizanski for overtanning; he even pulled Parizanski’s mother into the room to humiliate the contestant further. The show’s June 2002 premiere, in which Cowell advised a young woman to sue her vocal coach, made it clear what Idol would be selling.

That feed-them-to-the-lions approach made Idol the number-one program on TV six years running, the longest stretch at the top in broadcast history — but the show tended to prey on its most vulnerable contestants, perhaps unwittingly. Idol producers were forced to issue an apology after Cowell compared Season Six hopeful Kenneth Briggs, who has facial malformations due to Aarskog Syndrome, to a “bush baby.” Season Five’s Paula Goodspeed took her own life outside judge Paula Abdul’s home in 2008 after Cowell criticized the contestant’s metal braces following a performance of the Creedence Clearwater Revival/Ike and Tina Turner standard “Proud Mary.” Goodspeed was reportedly an obsessive stalker who changed her given name in tribute to Abdul, and the contest judge publicly criticized Idol’s producers for not doing more to protect her, saying she alerted them to Goodspeed’s behavior prior to the audition. (A spokesperson for the show did not comment on Abdul’s accusation at the time.)

Among those most targeted by Idol’s alleged abuses were anyone who was outside of the norm, as defined by the extremely narrow standards of Bush-era popular culture. This often included contestants who were experiencing mental health issues, individuals with disabilities, people of color, and plus-size singers like the late Mandisa Huntley, the Season Five contestant of whom Cowell infamously asked: “Do we have a bigger stage this year?” But Idol enjoyed a particularly contentious relationship with the queer contestants who hoped that the series would offer their big break into an unforgiving industry, many of whom had only started to come to an understanding of their LGBTQ+ identities. In another exchange condemned by GLAAD, Cowell told Travis’ fellow Season Five hopeful Charles Berry, who now is an out gay man, to shave off his beard and “wear a dress,” saying that he would make a “great female impersonator.”

Keith Beukelaer, whom Cowell famously called “the worst singer in the world,” knew immediately after his Season Two audition that it would end up being broadcast. “It’s something that I don’t know if I ever fully recovered from,” he says. “I remember it as if it was yesterday.” A devoted Madonna fan, he performed “Like a Virgin” in a green mock-turtleneck sweater, gyrating his body in sync with the song’s suggestive lyrics. Beukelaer has come to understand himself as having Asperger’s Syndrome, although he didn’t have the language for it at the time, and he came out as gay a few years after appearing on the program. He still struggles with the notoriety that his brief appearance on Idol brought, the decades of mockery that followed six minutes of air time.

Cowell did not return multiple requests for comment for this story. Neither did Jackson, longtime host Ryan Seacrest, or Idol creator Simon Fuller — who based the show off his own U.K. series Pop Idol, which aired from 2001 to 2003. But a source close to the production, who requested not to be named in this story, defended the show by affirming that “every single person who came on Idol, whatever their race, color, creed, or sexual preferences, was placed squarely in the firing line for Simon’s barbed critiques.”

[...]

What was a queer paradise for some, however, was a nightmare for others. Of those who spoke on the record, many say that Idol effectively forced them into the closet, and they believe it’s because the show was fearful that an openly queer contestant would alienate the show’s largely conservative viewership.

[...]

There was no rule saying that queer contestants couldn’t discuss their personal lives, but some singers say that Idol made it clear that some things were best kept secret. R.J. Helton, who uses they/them pronouns, went back into the closet and started dating a woman before they auditioned for Idol’s first season, hoping to make their family happy. Helton’s parents always envisioned that they would become a pastor or a Christian music artist, and when Helton’s boy band, the Soul Focus, went their separate ways, competing on Idol felt like a logical next step. Having recently broken things off with their fiancée, not wanting to live a lie, Helton began seeing their Idol stand-in during the season. Although they kept the romance a secret from producers, Helton says the other contestants knew. “None of them cared,” they say. “It was the first time that I felt accepted by a group of people.”

Idol producers never found out about the relationship, but the stakes were nonetheless made clear when executive producer Nigel Lythgoe, the show’s most influential creative voice, pulled Helton aside after seeing them exchange a friendly peck on the cheek with a male member of the crew. “Listen, we love you,” Helton says the producer told them. “We think you’re great, but let’s continue on the sweet side, with the Christian boy thing.” In their on-camera interviews and stage performances, Helton says they tried to tone down their natural ebullience, “butching it up” and staying as quiet as possible. A team of publicists, they recall, followed Helton everywhere “because they didn’t want me to break character.” 

In an email to Rolling Stone, Lythgoe asserts that he “never stopped any contestant from coming out” and says he “never would have done so.” “I did work with a number of individuals who, sadly, were struggling with issues around coming out, and I provided feedback that was very common at the time: that they should let their talent do the talking and not allow others to denigrate them based on their personal lives,” he says. “If anyone was hurt by my advice on those issues, I can only apologize, but I only ever wanted to help and support the wonderful young people who competed on the first seasons of Idol, several of whom, tragically, were torn between a desire to live their truth openly and a great fear about how they would be treated on returning home by their families, by their communities, and even by God.”

Helton, now with the clarity of hindsight, wishes they’d had the confidence to present their full self to America. After being dropped from their record label following a 2006 interview in which they came out as gay, Helton recently came to the realization of their nonbinary identity. “I know it was a different generation, but there are parts of me that think: ‘If I could have worn a gorgeous evening gown with a full beard, I could have won,’” Helton says. When producers would tap them on the shoulder to remind them, “Hey, we don’t talk about this,” it made Helton scared of losing the only affirmation they’d ever had. “As a young person, that really plays with your psyche, especially when you’re not used to the spotlight, loads of fans, or the money. You just do what you’re told. I don’t know if that’s selling your soul to the devil, but it did feel like that. They lifted me up, put me on a pedestal, and told me that the pedestal will only be there as long as I play this part.”

Helton’s fellow Season One cast member Jim Verraros has spent years in therapy working to unlearn many of the unfortunate lessons he says Idol taught him, namely that it wasn’t OK to be himself. That education began with the Pygmalion-esque makeover given to the show’s aspiring superstars: Idol immediately traded in his nerdy aesthetic — wiry glasses and jean jackets with the collar popped — for a generic rock look, sleeveless vests with leather cuff bracelets. He got contacts, lowered his voice half an octave, and put away what he calls the “theatrical and stage part of me that comes also from having deaf parents and being expressive.” “It comes at a cost,” he says. “When you’re told that you aren’t enough — or that this version of you doesn’t work — you spend a big part of your life taking parts away from you so that you can achieve those dreams.”

Although Verraros made the Top 10 of his season, he struggled with the role created for him, and the miscasting of a nebbishy gay Midwestern boy as a conservative-friendly heartthrob led to friction with the show’s creative team. Former co-host Brian Dunkleman, who emceed Idol’s first season alongside Ryan Seacrest, says he overheard Cowell and Randy Jackson discussing plans to directly target Verraros, hoping to get a strong reaction out of him that they could film. “We’re gonna nail Jim,” he recalls the judges saying as they were having coffee in an Idol break room. Cowell tended to reserve his harshest critiques of the show’s inaugural cast for Verraros, and following that discussion, he told the contestant live on air, “I think if you win this competition, we would have failed.”

Idol did get the emotional reaction it sought from Verraros in a scene that ultimately landed on the cutting-room floor. Prior to the announcement of the season’s Top 10 finalists, Dunkleman says that Cowell informed the contestants they would be using the “judges’ veto” to oust one of them from the show. “Jim, you’re out of the competition,” Cowell told Verraros, prompting the young singer to burst into tears. (That’s when Dunkleman recalls that Lythgoe came over and instructed everyone to sing a modified version of the Monkees’ “Daydream Believer” to brighten Verraros’ spirits. “Cheer up, sleepy Jim,” fellow contestants sang together in unison.) For reasons that are unclear, Lythgoe opted to backtrack on the judges’ decision, Dunkleman says, allowing Verraros to move forward to the next round after all. “Later that night, I was at dinner and I got a pretty frantic message from Nigel saying, ‘Look, there’s been a change. Jim is back in the competition. Just please don’t tell anybody about anything that happened today,’” Dunkleman remembers. “And then the next night he made the Top 10.”

Those incidents, Dunkleman adds, played a major role in his decision to part ways with Idol, calling the program “evil.” He also recalls that a judging panel needed to be refilmed so Cowell could call Helton a “loser” instead of a “monkey.” “That’s what it was,” he says of Idol. “It was about how mean they were. It was about how shocking this was and how much they were making fun of these singers.” He isn’t sure, though, why the show singled Helton and Verraros out in particular. “Is it conscious targeting or is it subconscious? That kind of undertone, maybe they weren’t even aware of it.”

[...]

AMERICAN IDOL often strained to fit queer contestants into an instantly recognizable mold that producers could market for the widest possible audience. Simon Cowell declared that he would quit the program if Sanjaya Malakar, an affable Season Six hopeful with a perpetual smile, won the competition. Malakar, who is half Bengali and performed with the Hawaii Children’s Theater during his time living in Kauai, was unlike any singer the show had ever seen. He was earnest and goofy, striding up to the judges’ table to dance with Paula Abdul during a performance of Irving Berlin’s “Cheek to Cheek.” He also straddled the lines of gender, flat-ironing his chameleonic locks for a winsome cover of John Mayer’s “Waiting on the World To Change.” After weeks of all but begging viewers to vote Malakar off the show, Cowell commented regarding the latter song: “Maybe it’s your hair that’s keeping you in. I don’t know.”

Malakar came out as bisexual many years after Idol was over, finding himself after taking a job at a karaoke bar in New York where he found freedom in anonymity. What was hardest for Malakar to navigate, he says, was not the constant scrutiny from Idol’s judges but the vitriolic reaction from fans. A MySpace blogger vowed to stop eating until Malakar was sent home, although the contestant outlasted the hunger strike, which ceased after 16 days. The website Vote for the Worst, which urged fans to subvert the Idol system by keeping on its quirkiest and most divisive contestants, took up Malakar as a personal cause.

Looking back, Malakar believes that it’s the ambiguity of how he presented that bothered people so much. The judges and viewers just couldn’t figure him out because, as a 17-year-old kid who hadn’t graduated high school yet, he hadn’t figured himself out. “There was no way to really understand how to define me,” he says. “They didn’t know what culture I was. They didn’t know what sexuality I was. They didn’t know what genre I was. I was this anomaly that made people uncomfortable.”

The queer singers who had the most painful time being reshaped by the Idol system were those who stood out the most, whether they were flamboyant and over-the-top in their performance style, like Malakar, or their gender presentation skewed toward the effeminate. Season Eight runner-up Adam Lambert — who declined to speak for this story, citing his shooting schedule for The Voice Australia, on which he is a judge — has said that queer contestants who didn’t have the ability to hide were used by Idol as “comic relief.” “Anytime someone came on the show that was perceived to be gay or it was obvious enough that they were gay, they were a joke,” he remarked to the British music magazine NME in a 2018 interview. He added: “To be fair, some of them weren’t great singers, but there were a couple of really good singers that came on. And they weren’t taken seriously.”

To illustrate his point, Lambert noted the example of Adore Delano from Seasons Six and Seven, who would later contend on the reality competition show RuPaul’s Drag Race. Delano declined to participate in this story, but in a 2023 Instagram video publicly announcing her transition, she said that she went back into the closet to compete on Idol. Appearing on the show led her to suppress her transness in order to present herself as “something that was so uncomfortable,” she recalled. And yet her effervescent femininity couldn’t be contained: During her second appearance on Idol, she performed a sassy rendition of “Jailhouse Rock” by Elvis Presley that Cowell deemed “hideous” and “verging on the grotesque.” Delano was ultimately eliminated from the Top 16 after a performance of Soft Cell’s queer anthem “Tainted Love” that Cowell declared “absolutely useless.” She dyed her silky hair purple for the number.

Like Delano, Atlas Marshall auditioned for Idol twice, making it to the Top 36 in Season Eight and then trying out again for Season 16. Both experiences were extremely fraught. Following a performance of Meat Loaf’s “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” during her first appearance on the show, Cowell looked at Marshall and remarked, “I think you probably would.” Even as a guileless 18-year-old with frosted emo bangs and angel-bite piercings, Marshall realized it was a “loaded comment.” “The joke around that song is that it’s about anal sex,” she says. After the audience booed Cowell’s remark, Ryan Seacrest, then the show’s sole emcee, invited Marshall to come sit on the judge’s lap, but Paula Abdul intervened and beckoned the contestant to rest on hers instead. Marshall was voted off Idol the next day.

[...] Marshall’s mother, who recently passed away, was a lesbian, and she raised her child in a queer household where it was OK to be “open, flamboyant, and fabulous,” as Marshall recalls. Being taught by Idol that the outside world might mock the parts of herself she was taught to embrace was a rude awakening. “For so long, there was a lot of shame around it,” she says of her first Idol experience. “I felt gross. I didn’t like myself.”

[...]

While the team behind Idol’s current iteration did not offer a comment on the record, the source close to the Fox production contests the idea that the show stopped contestants from expressing their most authentic selves, while adding that “coming out might have damaged certain contestants’ chances for success.” “No one ever prevented anyone from doing so, but there was often a sense — right or wrong — that it would be better if the American public’s vote was based more on their judgment about the performers’ talent rather than their sexual orientations,” the source says.

[...]

Although it would feel convenient to point the finger solely at Idol, the show at its peak reflected America’s culture as much as it defined it. When the series premiered in 2002, polling from Gallup showed that 43 percent of the U.S. populace still thought homosexuality should be illegal; Lawrence v. Texas, the Supreme Court ruling that struck down sodomy laws in the 14 states where gay sex was still illegal, wouldn’t be issued for another year. A majority of Americans wouldn’t support the right of same-sex couples to marry until 2011, during Idol’s tenth season on the air. That was also, coincidentally, the first season not to feature either Paula Abdul or Simon Cowell on the judges panel. Abdul, hailed by sources as a major supporter of queer contestants behind the scenes, parted ways with the program after Season Eight. Cowell left the following year to launch the U.S. spinoff of The X Factor, the British singing competition he created in 2004.

[...]

For all the troubles that some queer contestants say they had on the show, many argue that Idol’s missteps paled in comparison to how cruelly they were treated by the rest of the media, the music industry, and even America at large. Idol voters eliminated Season Seven’s David Hernandez the week after an Associated Press story revealed that he had previously worked as a dancer at a Arizona strip club that catered to a “mostly male” clientele. By that time, photos that allegedly showed Hernandez bartending at a gay nightclub had already been published on Vote for the Worst, although Hernandez says the pictures weren’t even of him. He says that Idol was already well aware of his work history by the time the reports surfaced, as he disclosed the information in the extensive questionnaire the show required contestants to complete; spanning over 100 pages in length, it also asked singers to name their past sexual and romantic partners.

[...]

The media persecution of queer Idol contestants was so de rigueur during the show’s imperial era that few even questioned it. Jim Verraros’ coming out in 2002 prompted a two-page spread in the Globe, a U.S. supermarket tabloid, asking: “Who’s Next?” Chatter surrounding Adam Lambert’s sexuality made the New York Times after photos circulated of the singer, eyes covered in makeup and glitter all over his face, locking lips with another man. Following the Season Two finale, Clay Aiken says that the first question that he was ever asked by a reporter was: “Are you gay?” He wouldn’t formally come out until a 2008 People magazine cover story coinciding with the birth of his son, and for years, he says, confirmation of his sexual orientation “was the only thing that anybody in the press wanted” from him. “I never did an interview where somebody was not trying to ask me if I was gay,” he says, later adding: “Everybody wanted to be the one who got it.”

Aiken says that speculation regarding his sexuality reached such a fever pitch that, for a time, he stopped leaving his house. Even then, there was no hiding from it: “If I heard anybody setting up a gay joke on a sitcom or a late-night show, I held my breath because I knew my name was coming. Eighty percent of the time I was right.” The topic was a frequent punchline of late-night host Jimmy Kimmel, who frequently booked Aiken to appear on his show, and comedian Kathy Griffin spent a full 15 minutes discussing Aiken’s sexuality in a 2005 stand-up special on Bravo. “I do find him to allegedly be the gayest man in the free world,” she said in the routine, calling him “Gayken” to hearty applause from the crowd. Even two years after he had actually come out, a Season Eight episode of Family Guy saw Stewie, during a parody of Family Feud, being asked to name a “popular fruit” and responding: “Clay Aiken.” “I laugh at them now,” he says of the jokes, noting that he calls Griffin a friend. “I find them hilarious now, but at the time, it hurt a lot.”

Full article here

[wawamouse]

Oz Rewatch 3: S5E05: Impotence

Storylines

Aftermath of Lalar’s death; Omar and Robson fight; Said catches Omar dealing drugs for Redding; Said beats him up and ends up in the Hole; Omar struggles with his sobriety with Said gone

Pancamo has a staph infection

Winthrop and Guenzel fight in the gym; McClain meets with Keller and then Beecher, failing to pass on a message; Schillinger approaches Beecher saying he wants to change his ways and offering to help him see Keller; Guenzel homophobically fights Beecher and ends up in the cage; Schillinger tries to make a deal

Brass is bitter; Rebadow wins the lottery and Brass cashes it in for himself

Seeing eye dog training continues; Hill goes into septic shock due to being on heroin; Redding is determined to find out who gave him the tits; Penders crime flashback; dog training with the steaks; Jia Kenmin tells a creepy joke about a dog;

Morales asks Alvarez where Mukada’s office is; Morales meets with his brother-in-law and beats him for hurting Annette; Mukada refuses to allow Kirk back into Catholicism

Cyril is facing death row and is continuing to be violent in solitary; Ryan wants to hire a good defense; Suzanne, Seamus, and Aunt Brenda meet to talk about a defense and it goes poorly; Ryan gives up on saving Cyril from Death Row

Sister: The other time Said went to him, he was like “you figure it out that~ that’s not my problem~”. It’s like his bald spot is a portal for all his brain cells to exit through…

S1!Said popping in like ‘the first, eh?’

Sister: I mean, he kind of just looks like a standard hot dog. Me: …What does that mean? Sister: He’s just average hot dog looking. Like his general shape. (gesturing) He’s got brown hair and he’s not scrawny or freakish looking… He looks like everyone else.

Sister: Glad is for gay people… Me: ...Oh, GLAAD...

Hmm...

Sister: If this is a complete match, [Sister] doesn’t like this episode. Me: Why? Sister: I just don’t like these plot lines. Also, [Brass] is a dick.

Sister: That’s not a muscle… Me: We don’t watch this show for accurate anatomy facts. Sister: Oh right… Miguel said he was 80% water. (Tutting) They need to go back to class. Me (muttering): Together? Sister: Get out of here with your little fanfictions, Wawa… These people need education.

Sister: Who’s Mukada? Me: The priest. Sister: Oh. He had to ask Miguel that? There wasn’t anyone else? Me: I guess the implication is that none of the gang goes to church… Sister: Yeah, but he could go to anyone. The staff… He could take a walk.. wander around… explore…

Sister: This literally doesn’t matter. This whole ‘wuh well it was self defense’ thing here doesn’t even make sense because it wasn’t self defense. The dude wasn't attacking [Cyril]. And even if they thought they had a good reason for attacking the Chinese dude,, that doesn’t change anything because you can't just kill someone because they said something you don't like. They literally have no defense. Also, hasn’t he killed like three people? Me: Besides the Gloria’s husband, two.

Stray Thoughts

Sister had an ongoing commentary about how ugly Beecher’s hair was. Her musings literally spanned the entirety of the Beecher story section

Sister wonders why nobody seems interested in the fact that Cloutier disappeared (lol forgot to finish my thought)

Our mom called while we were watching the episode lol

[affixjoy]

I ended 2023 with Star Trek III: The Search For Spock. New year new Spock? Is that anything?

Here are my thoughts:

Overall I liked it more than TMP but much less than WoK, which is obviously the best one of the bunch! The construction of the movie seemed pretty messy especially compared to WoK but there were a lot of interesting concepts that sort of made up for that for me!

Things I liked:

💫 Bones Bones Bones. That old cranky bastard is destined to be my favorite in every movie, isn’t he?

💫 I love him carrying around Spock’s katra, I love his confession that he’s missed him, I love that he looks old and tired. I love how bravely he goes to the katra transfer ritual. He’s just doing a lot in this movie!

💫 I said this in my WoK post and I’ll probably say it for every movie, I just adore seeing these characters get older. I love seeing how their bodies and faces change with time. I’m in my mid 30s (which I know isn’t that old!) and I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about aging and friendship and family and death so this aspect of Trek is really resonating with me.

💫 It wouldn’t be a fight scene if Kirk didn’t launch himself at his enemies like some kind of deranged cat.

💫 More Sulu!!! One thing that surprised me in TOS was how little of characters like Uhura and Sulu there was. Thrilled to see them in the movies being their awesome selves.

💫 and speaking of, I loved Uhura here. Her scene where she forces that little brat into the closet is perfection.

💫 Folks, if you don’t like Spirk shipping this is the wrong place for you to be. I love how sad Kirk is about Spock for most of this movie, and how happy he is to get him back. Look at that smile 😭

💫 They’re in love and no one can tell me otherwise. A man doesn’t blow up his beloved ship and lose his son for a coworker.

💫 Uniforms were a mixed bag here, and how I felt about them went up and down quite a lot! Initially I hated the little purple blouse Kirk wears, but once he took the jacket off and I saw the sleeves + those pants? Hello, yes, great outfit. Man looks like he’s going to Halloween as a gay little pirate and I have no complaints. I can’t find a great picture of it so just extrapolate what you can from this gif.

💫 I loved the mind meld scene. It felt so full of grief for them both.

And honestly there isn’t really a good way to sum up what I didn’t like about it. It just wasn’t a great movie! It was fine, and as you can see I did enjoy a lot of it! But it didn’t flow well for me.

I’m looking forward to more Star Trek in 2024!

[williammr01]

So here’s my initial thoughts to Ep 12 of Gap and the series in general. Maybe I’ll go back and re-watch it in a few days, but I will re-watch it again when my bestfriend gets to watch it. I love that we got a happy ending. I’m happy that Saint accomplished what he set out to do :) This series has brought me a lot of happiness, and I’m going to be a life long fan of the actors. Everyone involved with the show did an amazing job, especially the director and the camera people.

I called the finale’s plot points back in the first episode (Mon going to England), them breaking up in ep seven (where Sam says Mon can’t take it back), although I wasn’t sure they would get married until Sam’s proposal in episode nine, but I was sure it would have a happy ending just based on the general vibe of the show. i.e. the cutesy sound effects, what was portrayed as funny, and other basic reactions they’d have the characters give. Really the tone of this show (and plot) is a mashup of Imagine me and You and But I’m a Cheerleader, with an undercurrent of Better than Chocolate. (I recommend BiaC, not so much the other two.) And I think those reasons are why I’m feeling underwhelmed about the finale right now. I don’t live in a blackhole, so I saw photos of the finale- and seeing the dresses and everything probably took out a lot of the magic and gay joy I would have had seeing them for the first time in the episode- but it doesn’t change how I feel about the progression of the episode. Or how I felt about the plot in general. I got the memo from episode one that this wasn’t going to be a character deep dive, but as long as I could understand and root for the characters, that was enough for me. Sam and Mon’s characters had more than enough explanation in the ep, I just felt like some of the time spent on them being heartbroken was wasted, just a little. I mean we had seen that multiple times from episode six on. I’m just happy Mon stayed and let Sam finish speaking on the highway. I’m overjoyed that Sam made the first move this time. Kirk and Grandma... just hell naw. I don’t buy Kirk’s redemption at all. This mf*er can only now SEE that Sam isn’t happy? Not all the time they’ve been engaged? Not once, in all of the “this company is my only happiness/I refuse to marry Kirk”s did he not get it? Not when Sam said it to his freaking face that she was going to love Mon to her heart’s content? gtfo Kirk. And to make HIM be the thing that finally let’s Grandma tell Sam she’d be okay with Sam being gay... I just. Setting aside the whole patriarchy having to approve bs, I’m so tired of the plot about the homophobes and the “boyfriend” being good people despite their toxic actions. I’m so sick of having to watch media about how it’s possible for them to change. 90% of Gap’s plot was for the queer community, and this 10% bs of trying to say that the show isn’t calling homophobes out/spread a positive message just makes me want to throw up. These two people were so fucking toxic to Sam and Mon, I don’t want Kirk to get a happy ending. I didn’t want to see him once again fucking up someone’s wedding by not following the color theme. I didn’t want to see him, period. Honestly Grandma didn’t bother me as much (not until her explanation to Sam, but I am not getting into that right now), although her talk with Saint made me roll my eyes so hard. I had to pause and take deep breaths to get through it. Don’t even get me started on Sam bowing to Grandma, I’m doing my best to forget that. And I get it, my media experience is not the same as their projected viewers. I get that this was a passion project for Saint, about opening up more eyes in Thailand; and that as a feel good piece of media, I shouldn’t have expected differently. Saint and everyone gave us so much- guys we got the cute version of the Devil Wears Prada with a touch of 50 Shades, and I will forever be grateful. But not what I wanted for the finale.  Overall, loved the series. Hate that we dropped the point of Mon knowing about Kirk being the mole, it would have been another good reason/justification for Sam to just stop all contact with Mon. Hate that we didn’t get a scene of Mon telling her parents about Sam and her breaking up. Just a little bit more time spent on the characters, and not on them crying, would have done a whole lot to turn this episode around for me. However, I loved how affectionate Sam and Mon were, even during the sad parts of the episode. The first scene and the car scene are the highlights for me. I will always be grateful that this show gave us Mon and Sam being so affectionate with each other as a whole. I know I spent a lot of this post complaining about the finale, but it doesn’t take away my love for this series. I still want dvds and merch and all that. I’m going to miss this show a lot, and will probably never look at Saturdays the same way again.

[gar-trek]

I review killing time (or whatever)

Okay, yes this review has taken me forever and that’s because there’s so much I want to say, and most of it has very little to do with the plot of the book. I cut down a lot of this so you guys could just get to the main point of what I’m trying to say, so I apologize if this is a little brief or incomprehensible to those who haven’t read the book. 

And also, before I get into it, I would like to say rest in peace to the author Della Van Hise, who passed away in march of this year. She contributed a lot to the fandom, especially in regards to K/S fiction, as well as publishing a lot of non-trek related work during her life. 

First of all, if you have heard of Killing Time, there is probably one specific reason for that. It’s the same reason I picked up the book in the first place and why it’s really even a topic of discussion on this site. To put the story quite briefly, Killing Time was recalled during its initial release on account of the book having too many slash elements (aka, the relationship between Kirk and Spock could be read as sexual/romantic). I first heard about the book here in this post where the history of it is worded to sound like one very dramatic mystery. One user (no shade intended here) even goes as far as to say the book was recalled by old Gene himself! Now I’m always one for drama and such, but after reading the book I looked into it a little more, and I don’t think that’s exactly how it went down. 

Here you can find multiple statements from the author herself, in which she tells the whole story. According to her, the book publisher accidentally released an unedited manuscript that was never supposed to make it to the public. So technically the publisher did not recall the book because it was “too gay”, they recalled it because they printed a version that was never meant for the public to see anyway. These were the edits that were specifically requested by Paramount, who the publishers were supposed to go through to get the final okay on all material. And like, yeah, all of Paramounts edits were pretty much to delete any sentence where Spock and Kirk are tender to each other, they were trying to make is less homoerotic, obviously. I understand why this slight distinction may not make much of a difference to you guys, but for me it’s important to note that the book wasn’t recalled because it was too gay, it was just never supposed to be gay in the first place. It doesn’t make that fact any better, but it does make it less dramatic, in my opinion. I encourage you to read the statements from the author on this topic though, because she gives the whole story a lot better then I just did. 

Now to address the main question at hand, does Killing Time depict a romantic relationship between Kirk and Spock, or is it all just hype? (in layman's terms, is the book gay or not?) and to answer quite plainly, yes it’s gay. of course it is. but then to answer less plainly, no. What the fuck do i mean by this? well let me try and explain. 

I read the second edition of the book, aka the censored version, but I also followed along with the first edition (using this great article). The changes made to the book did not effect the plot at all, and were really only minor things. Notably, in the second edition they just kind of left out any part where Spock and Kirk touch each other (and I don’t mean in a sexual way). For example, there is a scene where Spock and Kirk are having a serious conversation in the ships garden. In the first edition, at the end of the conversation Spock places a hand on Kirks shoulder, which Kirk covers with his own hand. In the second addition, all mentions of this simple contact are deleted. The differences between the two are mostly little things like this. There is no secret sex scene or love confession hidden in the first addition. You see, in my opinion, the changes made to the second edition of the book do very little to censor the romantic undertones between Kirk and Spock. That’s because they are ingrained in the plot line itself. 

One very important aspect to this book is that Kirk and Spock share a mental bond. This is something that can only happen between a Vulcan and another when they are extremely close. The mental bond that Kirk and Spock share is so strong in this book, it’s even present when they enter an alternate dimension where they are strangers to one another. There is a romance in this book between two original characters, and their relationship is constantly being paralleled by that of Kirk and Spock. And, maybe most telling, Spock refuses a female Romulan who is very interested in him over and over again simply because Kirk exists. And no, that’s not an exaggeration, here is a line from when the Romulan woman was begging Spock to be in a relationship with her: 

“I need you. The Empire needs you, what more can there be?”

“James Kirk” the Vulcan murmured without hesitation.

That line is in both versions of the book. What I’m trying to say is yes, there are K/S elements in Killing Time. There are many tender moments and lots of talk about Kirk and Spock’s devotion to each other. 

So now you’re asking yourself, Gar, why did you just say earlier that “no, the book is not gay”? Well, that’s because it’s not. This isn’t a K/S book. This isn’t a piece of Spirk fanfiction. Because for as much as this book is about Kirk and Spock’s relationship, it’s even more about Romulans (and more specifically, that one girlboss Romulan Commander from the Enterprise Incident.... bet ya didn't see that coming!) That’s right, the most controversial Star Trek book ever published is at it’s core quite plainly just a Star Trek book. There is weird alternate dimensions, time travel, espionage and lots and lots of Romulans! 

Alright, alright, what I’m really trying to get at here is that yes, if you read into Killing Time there is K/S elements. I mean for god sake the author was a known K/S fanfic writer, that wasn’t a secret by any means. If she wrote their relationship a little more tenderly than most authors would have, can we really be surprised? But writing a K/S story was not her intention here, and that’s not what this is. I think the author put it best herself, so I’m just going to put that here: 

“If people chose to see overtones of K/S in it, maybe it’s because there were overtones of K/S throughout Star Trek itself.”

People will hype up killing time as some secret confirmation that K/S is real and canon, and I really get that. Like, it would be really nice to have some canon acknowledgment of K/S, and I really don’t blame people for acting like that’s what this is. But that really isn’t what this is. And even if there was some kind of love confession, I really hate to break it to you, but the Star Trek novels are just fancy fanfiction and are not considered canon by any stretch (excluding the one Gene wrote himself, which let’s face it, perhaps has the most K/S elements of all). 

If you are looking for a nice story about Kirk and Spock being in love, then I very much urge you to look at Ao3 or similar sites. Skip this, if you want a K/S story, because that’s not what this is. Now, if you’re a huge fan of the Romulan commander from the Enterprise Incident, then my GOD you have to read this. I think this was a pretty solid Trek book. It was no piece of literary genius, but it got the job done. There was a lot of it that I think could have been left out, because it the later half it started to drag horribly, and we got a few plot threads that went absolutely nowhere. I’m not sure I’m much of a fan of alternate universes, as I really really enjoy the established dynamic of the characters, but it didn’t bother me too much. But I mean hey man, there was defiantly parts where I was so invested I couldn’t put the book down. Give this one a read if you’re looking for a pretty interesting Trek book with a little bit of cheeky K/S sprinkled here and there. 

If you have given the book a read, or just have thoughts in general, I’d love to hear them! 

[ichayalovesyou]

ST: TOS Ship Dynamic Field Guide

Duos

Spock & Kirk aka Spirk (the flirtiest one):

Flirting on the bridge

“Jim...”

Oh my god say those percentages to me again Mr. Spock 😍

Mutual sass 😏

Dude stop blocking me from danger with your body everyone is gonna think we’re GAY🌈

So. Much. Hand holding! (The only cure for being trapped in a dangerous mind meld is getting ~touchy feely~ EVERYONE KNOWS THAT)

“It appears I’ve yet again outlasted your love interest of the week Captain.” “Oh? I have managed to draw you away from the handful of women pursuing you Mr. Spock”

*staring at Kirk for a long time and biting your lip is very heterosexual of you Spock*

🔥Pon Farr🔥

Bones & Kirk aka McKirk (the old marrieds):

“I’m sorry I yelled at you” (every time either of them yells at each other lmao)

I’m just gonna stare into oblivion like all the happiness in the world has been sucked right out of me when I think you’ve died. 😔

Drinking together.🍸🍸

Work hard, play hard

Hey, you’re not taking care of yourself, stop that! That’s an order!

Yours is the first name out of mouth when I’ve got no strength left.

“You’re only human Jim”

“Bones, it wasn’t your fault.”

I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about your trauma?! Dude I thought we were bros!

I’m just gonna, gently graze the place where the wound that got healed used to be while you’re asleep, and be on hyper-alert when you’re unconscious and vulnerable it’s super chill.

Spock & Bones aka Spones (the Odd Couple):

I hate that I love you 😤

Holding you’re hand for a real long time when you’re unconscious and almost forgetting to let go when you come to is normal people-who-hate-each-other behavior right? 🙃

But, if you’re gone, who am I gonna make fun of?! Wait WAIT, if you’re gone, who’s gonna make fun of ME?!

I’m just gonna carry your soul inside me like it’s nbd.

Are we fighting or are we flirting I’m getting really mixed signals!

*confides in you first about closely guarded telepathic abilities*

Dude if you don’t stop throwing yourself into danger for the sake of other people I’m going to kiss kill you you complete DUMBASS!

Throwing yourself in eachother’s way under the guise of a professional contest for Who Gets To Die for Science is a thing that only people who hate each other do right?!

“SHUT UP SPOCK WE’RE RESCUING YOU!”

When I make fun of you I’m definitely not secretly beating myself up about what happened.

McSpirk Remix!!

Spock & Bones @ Jim:

God we have to go rescue Jim from whatever danger he’s flung himself into... again.

Okay... Jim is acting weird and we’re scared for him, time to immediately seek one another for consolation and comfort!

Oml they’re bickering again this is adorable I love them both so much smh 🥰😂 “Gentlemen!”

I’m gonna push your buttons until you remind me that you love Jim too Spock because I’ve got issues and need validation!

Your feelings are blinding you to the fact Jim’s in danger, snap out of it.

🎶why can’t we be friends🎶

“I know, I’m worried about him too.”

Kirk & Bones @ Spock:

Congratulations! You’re both invited to my super angsty heterosexual arranged marriage party!

Giving each other sly knowing looks when Spock pretends like he doesn’t feel things like 😒🙄😏😉

Spock is wounded or dealing with some dangerous Vulcan biology thing he didn’t share with us, comfort time!

Spock, X is having a bad time/is being mind controlled can you use that super sacred personal thing to maybe heal him?

My dude, *bonk* you gotta stop pining! Get to work!

Give Spock some space Jim, he needs to process what just happened.

“I can’t let him die Jim.”

Spock & Kirk @ Bones:

Both of us instantly rushing to your side in perfect sync is a totally unemotional reaction to you being hurt Dr. McCoy

What do you mean we only stop flirting with each other when you need us Bones??

I’m willing to endure torture on both of your behalves and you can’t stop me.

Really? You’re gonna make out with your hands, right now? In my med bay?! Okay fine, have fun I guess 🙄 I’m not gonna leave tho 😏 I got work to do.

Watching you two loudly flirt in front of the bridge officers is fun and all, but it’s my turn to flirt argue with Spock now.

“Spock knows Bones.” (that’s why he’s holding onto your arm for dear life and staring at you intently, you dummy!)

[a-noone]

Episode 1: Amok Time - As Told by Leonard McCoy

In a time-stream that diverges from Prime roughly four months before that start of TOS: Season 2, things take a turn for the gay. Chris Pine as Kirk, Karl Urban as Bones, and Ethan Peck as Spock. Chapter 1 of 20. CW: Sex mentioned but not depicted. Major character illness.  

---

I present to you one Vulcan male, age 35, six feet and change, a hundred and sixty pounds soaking wet, pointy eared, eyebrows that sorta fail to hook down toward the cheekbones, jet black hair beaten down into one of those standard-issue Vulcan bowl cuts, rendering an otherwise young and handsome man a veritable eyesore. Despite being from a species known for touch telepathy and a taboo against physical contact (especially hand contact) outside of the nuclear family, subject has an inexplicable habit of squishing his entire arm and shoulder against the arm and shoulder of one blond, blue eyed, soft and overly friendly human male, my best friend, Jim Kirk, age 32, at every possible opportunity, usually for the ostensible purpose of sharing the readout of a scientific instrument, and cannot be arsed to even pretend that he wasn’t just brushing his fingers against his Captain’s when handing him things.

On that particular day, however, as he sat on a medical bed, Spock looked quite different. He hadn’t eaten in days, and his weight rang in at 150. He hadn’t shaved either, and his hair, while clean, looked like he hadn’t any energy to style it. It was an explosion of loose curls. His eyes were ringed with dark circles. His renal values looked like shit, and I was a hair’s breadth away from recommending dialysis. He was badly dehydrated. His pulse was elevated and had been for days. Adrenals were off the charts. He was running a fever. Oxygen levels in his blood were low, which was especially concerning considering our ship’s atmosphere was more oxygen rich than a Vulcan needed. There was more, but it had to do with his nervous system, and I didn’t understand the first goddamn thing about it.

He wouldn’t tell us what the matter was -- why he’d burst into tears in front of his Captain during a mission briefing; why he fugued out and tried to redirect the ship to Vulcan three times and had no memory of it-- but M’Benga, as Spock’s personal physician and as an expert in Vulcan biology... well he knew, and he told us. Once every seven years, starting at 35, a Vulcan goes through something called Pon Farr, and during that time, a Vulcan must mate, or die. He hid the fact even from M’Benga for the first three days, eschewing his quarters and his office when he wasn’t on the bridge, spending his free time in jeffries tubes, which is where M’Benga eventually tracked him down and sedated him so that he could be brought into Sick Bay. Vulcans are a deeply private people, and the time of Pon Farr was a more private matter than most.  

We were headed to his homeworld at maximum warp, against orders, even, but with all the evasiveness and dawdling, it wasn’t certain we’d actually make it before the Plak Tow killed him.

I have never seen James Kirk look so sad. Not in the fifteen years I’d known him. He wasn’t crying, but I could tell by the blearly redness of his eyes that he had been. Since living through the famine on Tarsus 4, he’d drifted apart from his family. Spock and I were all he had in terms of close personal friends.

“Spock…” Jim said. He wanted to say something, and he didn’t know what. He reached out and laid his hand on top of the Vulcan’s.

Spock jerked his hand away and looked at him with desperation. “Please don’t touch me.”

“Why don't you go back to your quarters and rest, Commander,” I said. Inside, I wasn’t feeling much better than Jim, but I’m not one for crying or showing feelings. Spock didn’t even nod. He just slid off the bed and wandered out like a zombie.

Jim looked down at the ground. “How long does he have?”

I shook my head. “M’Benga said not long. A day, maybe two, and then we have to start planning palliative care. Don’t worry Jim, we’ll make it. We gotta.”

He nodded and headed out, not even looking at me. I sat there, looking over the readings we’d taken. Not that a second look would have made any difference. What I really wanted to know was why he’d done this to us. Why he’d done this to himself. He and I didn’t always see eye to eye. To be frank, he annoyed the shit out of me sometimes. But he was a good man, and a good First Officer, the sort to pick up slack where it needed picking up. I was worried for Jim. Worried about how he’d handle the grief. But Spock was my friend too.

I went into my office to stare at a wall. Then Dr. Geofrey M’Benga came in. He wasn’t a tall man, exactly. Maybe five foot nine, but he had a bearing that made him seem taller than he was, and the strong arms of a Star Fleet medic, thick and muscular from hauling half-conscious officers up onto biobeds. Dark brown skin, close-cropped hair, big brown eyes that were soft or piercing, depending on his mood, or how hard he was concentrating on something.

“Leo, why don’t you go take some time off?” He asked. His voice was stern but empathetic. One of those things you get real good at when you’re a doctor, I guess.

“Why?” I asked him. “So I can go be by myself and stew in my own juices? No thanks. We got any mindless tasks I could do to pass the time? I’m in no shape to see patients.”

He nodded. “Just the usual backlog of reports.”

“Yeah, ok,” I said. “I’ll get on that.”

I spent the better part of four hours doing that. Thinking better of it, I sent a message to my therapist asking if she had time for an extra session. A nice lady doing telehealth from Denobula. Because bourbon wasn’t going to be an option with the round-the-clock monitoring this particular patient needed.

“Knock, knock,” I heard M’Benga say.

“Jeff?” I looked up at him.

His expression was not a happy one, and I was fully expecting to hear that Spock had taken another turn for the worse.

“The good news is, Spock’s condition has improved dramatically.” Jeff said, looking chagrined. “He’s not going to die.”

“What’s the bad news?” I asked.

He hesitated. “The only way that could have happened is if he… had relations, shall we say… with someone on the ship.”

It was Jim. I didn’t even need to ask. I knew.  

M’Benga continued. “I’m hoping it was consensual. If whoever it is wasn’t willing, first, we’re going to have to prosecute. And secondly, we’re going to have to explain to T’Pau. And if it was consensual… whoever it is may have to battle Spock’s betrothed to the death. And...” He just trailed off, shaking his head.

I hit a comm button on my desk. “McCoy to Kirk.”

“Kirk here.”

“Captain, can you come down to Sick Bay and meet me in my office?”

“On my way, Doctor.”

M’Benga gave me a look of utter dismay. “Do you want me there for that conversation?”

I shook my head. “No, best I start this conversation privately.”

He nodded and left.

Jim came in shortly after that. He looked like a kid who’d been called into the principal’s office.

“Hey, Bones.” He said. His tone was hesitant, and he looked sheepish, but there was still warmth and affection in his expression.

“Jim, did you have sex with Spock?” I asked.

He hedged. “I mean, I guess it depends on how you define sex…”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and shut my eyes. “Jesus Christ, Jim.”

“What was I supposed to do, Bones?” He asked with frantic energy. I looked at him. He was gesticulating without speaking for a split second. “The man was in pain! He’s my friend!” He pointed straight to his heart. “You told me he might die! I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help. And…” He smiled a little, and shrugged. “I guess all he needed was a really good blowjob.” He added, defensively, “It was medicinal!”

I got up and went to the door. “Doctor M’Benga?”

Jeff came over, and I returned to my desk. He took a few steps into my office, and the door closed behind him.

“Jeff, does it strictly speaking matter what kind of sex it is?”

M’Benga was already shaking his head. “The medical standard is that both partners need to reach orgasm while in skin contact, during the same 72 minute window.” He slowly turned to look at Jim.

Jim looked as guilty and sheepish as I’ve ever seen him.

“I hope you really, really like your First Officer, Captain,” M’Benga said with gravity. “Based on his reaction alone, whatever you did, it counted. And there’s a good chance that his betrothed will try to kill you over it. And if she doesn’t, Vulcan tradition will demand that you marry him.” Then he shook his head and walked out.

“Medicinal fucking blowjob…” I said with disbelief.

“One crisis at a time, Bones,” Jim said. “I mean, he’s better, isn’t he?”

I nodded, and in spite of myself, I smiled a little. “Yeah, he is.”

Jim nodded. “Well, since I’m already in hot water, and other kinds of sex with him won’t make it any worse…”

“Oh my God, Jim!” I shook my head at him. “You’re incorrigible!”

“Time’s short,” he said with gravity. “And it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Him too, apparently.” He pursed his lips and looked at my face for a long moment. “I love you, Bones.”

And then he left.

“I love you too, Jim,” I said to the empty room.

--

When we got down to Vulcan, it was hotter than hell, and in the distance, we could hear bells. I had a hypo in my pocket full of a paralytic. I was prepared to help Jim fake his own death if need be, and Spock was looped in.

Looped in, and loopy. Apparently the Plak Tow didn’t just turn off when the Vulcan had sex. It flipped some kind of a switch, exchanging bodily and mental strain for amorous euphoria brought on by a massive rush of endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin. Biologically, it made sense. If you wanted to conceive a child, one and done rarely did the trick. But trying to explain anything to him in that state, especially on the heels of a prolonged period of unsatisfied blood fever, was a whole struggle all its own. If both Jim and Spock made it out of here in one piece, we’d be treated to another six days of this bullshit.

I’d asked why couldn’t just send T’Pau a report explaining the whole case, but there was a rule: what happens during Pon Farr stays in Pon Farr. Such matters were only to be discussed in special, sacred places set aside for the primitive aspects of Vulcan nature-- The place of Koon-ut-Kal-if-fee: Marriage or Challenge. And then only when surrounded by the correct rituals and verbal formulae. Matters of love, of lust, of desire, of jealousy and betrayal? Not something you put in a report.

When T’Pring and her wedding party arrived, there was a young Vulcan man that T’Pring had brought with her. I had eyeballs. The two of them were an item.

She was a real pretty lady, dainty, with a long, angular face and a tall hairdo. She wore a white dress trimmed with silver. Her face was powdered, covering some of the outward signs of the Plak Tow, but she was in no better shape than Spock.

“This is the Vulcan heart,” T’Pau announced. “This is the Vulcan soul.” And the ritual had begun. We were waiting, I suppose, for a good time to bring up what had happened. The part in the ritual where we’d have to explain ourselves.

Spock and T’Pring went and stepped before a sort of Vulcan gong, ancient and covered in a green patina from the wind, occasional rain, and blistering sun.

“As it was in the dawn of our days, as it is today, as it will be for all tomorrows, I make my choice.” T’Pring said, “This one.” And she turned, pointing to Kirk. Spock convulsed with the ghost of a chuckle.

“No!” T’Pring’s boyfriend bellowed, fury building in his eyes, stepping toward Kirk, only barely restraining himself. “I am to be the one! It was agreed!”

And Spock burst out into a full-on manic cackle. It was the most disturbing and disorienting thing I’d seen in a long time. I’m not sure I’d ever seen that many of his teeth.

T’Pau glowered, in that way only Vulcans can. “Kroykah!”

Everyone reigned it in. And then Spock spoke. “Flawless, T’Pring. Absolutely flawless logic. You wanted that man, not me.” He pointed at said Vulcan boyfriend. “And devoted, as any Vulcan lover is, you refused to risk his life over it, even if your blood did not burn enough to fight me yourself. If I won, my grief would have destroyed me. If I lost, James Kirk wouldn’t want you. And in every case, the man you truly wanted would still be alive and safe.” He giggled briefly. “Flawless. Except that you lacked the relevant facts.”

T’Pring was stunned. Baffled. Disoriented.  

T’Pau walked over to them, and arranged her ring finger right under Spock’s cheekbone, her thumb and small finger on his jaw, only briefly, and nodded. “Where is she?”

“She?” Spock asked.

“The one with whom thou wishest to perform Koon-ut. The one with whom thou had relations.”

And with modest amusement, he pointed to Jim. Then he looked back to T’Pring with a vicious, feral expression I hope never to see on his face again. “You are most fortunate I did so, T’Pring. Had I arrived here still afflicted, and you had chosen him, I would have killed you.”

The way he said it sent chills down my spine. He was dead serious. And then T’Pau touched T’Pring’s face in a likewise fashion.

“It seems that I will oversee Koon-ut twice this day,” T’Pau said, and added, “For four very badly behaved children.” She blinked, and it seemed to me that her eyes were closed just a moment longer than necessary. “T’Pring, take thy leave of me, thou and the one with whom thou hast consummated thy Pon Farr, and if thy family priests cannot assist, return to me at dusk.”

Ok, well, at least we weren’t the only ones in hot water. And I knew, because we’d gone over this, that once they did this, their katras would be bound together until one of them died. In the eyes of Vulcan, they’d be married, and there’d be no possibility of divorce. Not without a Kal-if-fee where one of them or both of them died. Jim didn’t even have any reservations. I was glad, because this would otherwise be an insult to Vulcan tradition, not to mention a major diplomatic incident. But he was out of his damn mind.

“Kneel before me,” said T’Pau, and Jim did so instantly. Like an obedient puppy, his eyes all wide and googly, like he gets sometimes. And Spock did so a moment later.

I pinched the meat of my hand, right between my thumb and index finger, hard, to keep a straight face as T’Pau guided Spock’s hand to the mind-meld contact points on Jim’s face. Spock! The man who mind-melded with a sentient rock! ...and countless other things I could name! He needed no guidance.

And they said their vows, like you do. “I would bond with thee, ever, and always touching and touched.”

But then Jim Kirk’s eyes fluttered closed and he let out a nearly inaudible whimper that was tantamount to pornographic. I couldn’t wait till this whole sorry, uncomfortable thing was done with.

They were like that for maybe five minutes, and then T’Pau made some whole big ceremony with a cup that they both drank from.

“I pronounce thee and thine bonded,” said T’Pau.

My Captain looked practically drunk, but I doubt it had anything to do with what was in the cup. “Let’s go home, Spock.”

--

Two days later, I was working in Sick Bay, my usual shift, and James Tiberius Kirk dragged his sorry ass in, uniform all askew, looking some combination of sore, hung-over, and cock-eyed.

“Bones,” Jim started, rubbing his forearm with a wince. “I overdid it.”

“I don’t need details,” I said, grabbing a hypo. “Here’s an analgesic. Take it back to your quarters. And let me know if you need the day off.”

He rubbed his head with one hand, mussing his already tousled blond hair even further. “I think I’m gonna need more than one day off. Maybe four.”

“Now you’re just being dramatic,” I told him.

“Dramatic?” He demanded, looking wounded. “You know what’s dramatic, Bones? Pon Farr is dramatic!”

“I said I don’t need details!” I practically shouted. “Fine, four days, if you think you need it. As long as I don’t need to hear anything about where, exactly, everything hurts.”

“Deal, Bones,” he said with a tired smile, and practically limped out again.

I was happy for them, though. And happier, I think, for myself. Palliative care for blood fever wasn’t what I signed up for when I entered the fleet, and I had no particular desire to attend an emotional memorial service for a man who we all knew was deeply uncomfortable with displays of emotion. And Jim was going to be ok.

--

A few nights later, after Spock’s neurochemistry was all back to normal, and I was assured he didn’t really need me to be on call around the clock, I was sitting in my reclining armchair, drinking some bourbon to unwind, when there was a chime at my door.

“Come in,” I said.

It was Spock. He only came far enough into my quarters that the door slid closed behind him.

“Doctor, I wish to apologize to you,” he said.

“For what?” I asked. “A man shouldn’t have to apologize for his biology, or for falling in love. If you should apologize to anyone, it should be M’Benga, for making him chase you down in a jefferies tube, and trying to hide the fact that you needed medical attention.”

He folded his hands behind his back, lifted his chin, and pointedly did not make eye contact. “You saw a part of me that I can only assume disturbed you deeply. Please understand that I am not a violent man. Quite to the contrary. But we Vulcans do love. So much so that Vulcans often chose not to have their spouses with them when they serve aboard starships. But please know that I would, without hesitation, choose death before harming Jim, or allowing him to come to harm.”

Then, he looked down at my bourbon, and directly at my face.

“I know, Spock,” I said. “T’Pring more or less plotted to kill one of you or the other. And she chose Jim because she did her research and knew he mattered to you. It was the cruelest thing I’d ever seen. And I’m really damn glad you didn’t marry her.” Don’t make my mistakes, I thought. Make gloriously, ridiculously new ones.

“I am as well,” he said blandly. “Thank you, Doctor.” He looked pensive for a moment. “You and I have not always seen eye to eye. But I consider you a valued friend. And you are more important to my husband than you will ever know. Please take care of yourself.”

I smiled at him, perhaps with a measure of chagrin. “Ok, Mr. Spock. Don’t get mushy on me.”

“Indeed, Doctor.” He nodded with what looked like agreement. “Have a good night.”

[noitsbecky127]

rebecca watches tos: i, mudd

a guy said “morning sir. doctor” to spock and bones and bones has decided this is Wrong somehow

bones you just described spock

fair point, it’s definitely out of the ordinary for a human, but even so idk if it necessarily means there’s something wrong

god these two cannot stand each other I love them

oh ok there’s definitely something wrong, but mostly bc the new crewman just KNOCKED A GUY OUT

so basically you’ve lost control of the enterprise at this point

oh and now he’s on the bridge, we haven’t even gotten to “space the final frontier” yet and things are already fucked

…we?

oh christ it’s androids again?

ok so where’s the ship GOING

obv I know it’s that mudd dude bc of the summary but why is he doing this

so they just have a deactivated android in the middle of the bridge now?

oh he awakens

the android said please. I love this show

ah here he is, harry mudd

“jamie boy” idk whether I love or hate that

what does mudd want with them though

what so he’s just gonna…keep them here? indefinitely? why though

christ how many identical female androids does he have

500?! who the FUCK needs 500 identical female androids

“which you, unfortunately, are ill-equipped to appreciate” damn even mudd can tell spock is gay

jim: did you pay royalties to the owners of these patents mudd: *bluescreens* spock: he did not pay royalties

I was CONVINCED that the Federation didn’t do money anymore but TOS references it WAY too much for that to be a thing, so where did this idea come from

listen fuck cops and all that but I have no sympathy for mudd

I love Jim translating Mudd’s sugarcoating of what happened into what he actually did

so who made these androids, it certainly wasn’t mudd

“they won’t let me go, they want to study me” ah ok so you brought the enterprise crew here to replace you so you can leave

oh and he complains about the nagging wife too, I hate him even more now

oh damn these guys came from andromeda

“because we don’t like you, now bupbupbup” captain kirk being eloquent as ever

well everyone knows they’re in trouble at least

spock is doing his best

“don’t you believe in male androids” jim your bisexual is showing

of course the woman’s intrigued by the possibility of eternal beauty, why wouldn’t she be, what else would I expect from the 60s

“jim you should see the research facilities” honestly that’s in character for bones

why is scotty here

well if EVERYONE on the enterprise is beamed down, who’s gonna get them back up?

ah, that’s the idea

fucking mudd

chekov is just having the time of his life lmao

better than leningrad? that’s probably high praise, wow

oh boy they’ve suckered in scotty with good engineering

they’re bluescreening the android now huh

“it’s a beautiful lady and we love her!” fuck dude it sure is

I love how Jim keeps asking for his ship like the answer will be different this time

oh so now the androids are just taking the enterprise for themselves, can’t decide whether that’s better or worse

“how do you know so much?” “i asked them” “oh”

oh so there ARE male androids then

so they just gotta confuse the androids?

“I fail to understand why I should care to induce my mother to purchase falsified patents” that tracks, we know Spock loves his mom

bones’s best weapon: his hyposprays

this makes no sense, uhura would never betray them

oh ok, it was a fake betrayal, love that for them

wrf is this dance routine they’ve got going on here

what is chekov DOING

I think they just broke these two androids

did spock just try to nerve pinch the android

spock had to say illogical things. worst day of his life

scotty is a very good actor

this is a goddamn improv skit I stg

improv fucking killed the androids

a classic paradox also killed the androids

spock out here claiming he doesn’t feel unhappiness as if he isn’t canonically a sad drunk

“as long as you continue to be an irritant, harry” so, forever

the nagging wife wins 😌

I fucking love this show

[jerakeenc]

many kidfics i’ve read and loved

look who’s reccing a million year old fics now. kidfics, very many. posted to dw for snowflake, thought I’d copy here as well. will be reading most, if not all. if you don’t hear from me again, this list is the culprit.

101 Ways To Get Lucky (In Love) by lenore

18,200 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Rodney McKay is rich, gorgeous and at the top of his game—except someone just moved the goalposts! Now Rodney realizes he is sorely lacking the one status symbol that everybody seems to have…the perfect family. Rodney needs help, so he hires a relationship coach. Single-dad John Sheppard may be an expert, but not when it comes to his own relationships! And every day he spends with Rodney makes him wish that he could be the one to fill the vacancy in Rodney's life…

A Beautiful Lifetime Event by astolat

29,000 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

An Earlier Heaven by regann

67,400 words | X-Men, Erik/Charles

In the wake of Cuba, Charles and his students are ready to pick up the pieces and work toward achieving Charles's dream of a safe haven for young mutants. Those plans, however, take a surprising turn thanks to a very unexpected complication. As he slowly builds a future for his students and for his child, Charles struggles with the loss of Erik and the secrets he's willing to keep to protect his family, but those strides are shattered when Erik makes a startling reappearance into his life. [mpreg, kidfic, ensemble]

And everything nice by noelia_g

30,200 words | Social Network, Mark/Eduardo

The one where Mark somehow ends up with a child and of course needs a nanny for the amount of time he spends at the office. Only problem is a string of nannys keep trying to get into his pants for what he assumes is his money. Cue Mark's assistant hiring a male nanny, enter Eduardo.

asking to be born by longtime_lurker

26,500 words | Bandom, Pete/Patrick

"Don't worry, it's probably just his big gay freakout," Andy yells cheerfully and unhelpfully into Patrick's ear as they're hustling Pete over to the nearest private clinic.

Better with You by harriet_vane

38,100 words | 1D, Liam/Louis

Based on this prompt at the kinkmeme:

Single parent and solo artist Liam Payne hires Louis Tomlinson to be a full time nanny to his four year old son Sammy. Although the two men don't quite click from the start it's love at first sight between Sammy and Louis. Eventually Louis and Liam warm up to each other and get on like a house on fire, in fact the two become a little too fond of each other.

I refuse to apologize for how sweet this ended up, okay? It's kidfic, I am forever writing kidfic, and this one is even kid-fic-ier than usual.

Can't Get Enough of You (Baby) by eternalbreath

22,100 words | Inception, Arthur/Eames

Eames vanishes from dreamshare and Arthur goes a little crazy looking for him until he stumbles across him -- with a baby.

Chelsea, Chelsea, I Believe by empathapathique

300,800 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

Patrick meets a girl his rookie year.

Don't You Shake Alone by dsudis

62,180 words | Generation Kill, Brad/Nate

Nate looked exactly like Brad always pictured him: exhausted in the full life-in-a-combat-zone sense of the word.

Dude, what's a bulwark? by kellifer_fic

12,150 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

Beacon Hills is the kind of small town where everybody knows everybody, and what everybody knows is that surly diner owner Derek Hale and free spirited single dad Stiles Stilinski have been in love with each other for years. If only they knew it too.

Every Other Beautiful World by rhiannonhero

43,280 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Some things are unexpected but still inevitable in every beautiful world.

Forever, Now by harriet_vane

227,100 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard, Jon/Spencer, Brendon/Ryan, Brian/Greta

Brian rescues kid!Gerard and Mikey from life on the streets, and eventually everyone finds a family.

here comes the sun by oflights

56,600 words | Social Network, Mark/Eduardo

This is a story about growing up, sad 70's rock songs, too much hair gel, "Maxwell's Silver Hammer", a baby with curly hair, a Geiger counter, a dog that isn't named Max, the Chicken Dance, Cheerios, pepper-spray, drugs, sex, and a stuffed chicken named Cluckerberg, nicknamed Cluck. or: Mark raises Sean's accidental baby, and I write the fluffiest thing ever.

I Got a Love (That Keeps Me Waiting) by svmadelyn

163,700 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

There's a lot of different ways this summary could go, like:

Patrick Kane gets more than a gold medal in Sochi.

Or, the classic: It's too late to pull out now.

Or: Patrick Kane continues to thrive in high pressure situations.

Or: Patrick Kane gets knocked up, goes to White Castle, and finds love, not necessarily in that order.

But, ultimately, all that really matters is this: Patrick Kane is keeping his baby.

I Would Be by cathalin

20,290 words | American Idol, Kris/Adam

AU. Adam and Kris meet a few years down the road, when down-on-his-luck Kris and his young daughter Katherine show up to rent a room from Adam, who never made it to an Idol audition.

Ice Ice Baby by uraneia

51,340 words | Hockey, Claude/Danny

A gold medal isn't the only souvenir Claude brings home from Prague.

OR: The one where Claude gets drunk, gets pregnant, and gets convinced to move in with Danny, whom he's been secretly in love with for years. What could possibly go wrong?

my heart is bigger than the distance in between us by estrella30

15,000 words | 1D, Nick/Harry

Nick chuckles quietly but grabs the remote and follows Emma, Aimee coming up close behind him. It’s indeed Harry on the telly, singing along to his latest radio hit and smiling slowly into the camera far too seductively for half eight on a Friday morning, if you ask Nick. He presses the volume just in time to catch the crowd’s roaring applause and see the pink flush Harry’s cheeks. Nick watches him duck his head as he gives a small wave to the audience, and it hits Nick that Harry is still the most humble and appreciative billionaire Nick’s ever met.

Good job, popstar, Nick thinks to himself.

or, Nick is a single dad and Harry is his bff and it's a bunch of years into the future and they fall in love

Once Upon a Furry Octopus by skoosiepants

11,270 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

He was an intelligent, intuitive pet, but he wasn’t going to start sniffing out ZPMs or hidden Ancient weaponry or detailed instructions on how to kill a Wraith with a common household item. A pen, for instance.

Reconcilable Differences by astolat

40,000 words | Smallville, Clark/Lex

Luthor Family Values.

Shelter by harriet_vane

63,500 words | Social Network, Jesse/Andrew

From the kinkmeme prompt: Some sort of AU vaguely based on Shelter! For whatever reason, Jesse has to take care of Hallie and give up his dream of being an actor. He ends up working in a dead end job when former, now successful friend (Andrew) returns home. They fall in love, etc, only Jesse can't go away with him because he has a responsibility to his family. CUE ANGST.

Show Me The Way Back Home Baby by stilinskisparkles

15,000 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

In which Lydia and Jackson produce the world's cutest baby, and the pack goes crazy-- the good kind of crazy. Except for Derek, who is afraid of tiny cute babies and Stiles who plans to be the best Uncle ever. Even if Danny called dibs on Godfather.

Skybird by windsweptfic

33,785 words | Inception/White Collar, Arthur/Eames

Arthur and Eames adopt a kid and raise that kid into Neal Caffrey.

Small Cells and Fibers by sevenfists

7,830 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

Tuesdays were finger-painting days. Frank made sure to wear his oldest pair of jeans, because even with his full-length apron and his constant reminders that paint belongs on paper and not on clothing, he always ended up with tiny, multi-colored handprints all over his clothes. There wasn't a thing he could do about it, so he just wore pants from 1995.

Small Primes and Square Roots by liviapenn

12,500 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

"I hope you picked someone really intelligent, otherwise it seems like it would be kind of a waste. Of incubation time, if nothing else."

So Wise We Grow by deastar

81,250 words | Star Trek Reboot, Kirk/Spock

"Commander Spock, we have located your son," the Vulcan lady on the screen says, which would be great, except Jim can tell by the look on Spock's face that he's never heard of this kid before in his life. "If it is expedient, the child will be sent to join you on the Enterprise within the week."

Something Better by lovelypoet

18,350 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

"We all have to take jobs we don't like sometimes, you know?"

The Next Time You Say Forever by Thistlerose

27,300 words | Star Trek Reboot, Kirk/McCoy

After his ex-wife's death, McCoy is forced to leave the Enterprise to look after his teenage daughter. Under normal circumstances, this would be the end of…whatever it is he has with Kirk that's more than friendship, but less than what he wants. But the universe has other intentions.

The Reeducation of Misters Kane and Toews by jezziejay

15,900 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

In which Kaner sort of has a kid, and Mr. Toews doesn't know which of them is the bigger brat.

AU featuring teacher!Jon and hockey-player!Kaner. With bonus 'Hawks characters, love notes, pasta jewelry, Be Better Pizzas, pirouettes, a sprinke of angst and guest appearance by Derek Jeter.

The Road Delivered Us Home by keelywolfe

117,430 words | Hobbit, Thorin/Bilbo

In the years since Bilbo left Erebor, he has lost his respectability, gained a nephew, and gotten on with life at Bag End.

He'd left aside adventure for the comforts and peace of his little Hobbit hole, and for the love of a child who needed him. Though perhaps, adventures can yet find him.

This Story Was Brought to You by Our Sponsors by scaramouche

29,500 words | Supernatural, Dean/Castiel

Dean's post-apocalyptic life is a friggin' soap opera. Romance! Angst! Separations! Reunions! Pizza Dinners! A Child Dean Never Knew He Had! It's all very dramatic.

throw a little sparkle all over it by etben

26,000 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

"Hey, Ma," Mikey says. "No, everything's fine—well, I mean, Gerard accidentally adopted a baby—no, he's changing her now, he can't talk."

Tiny Houses by ohmyjetsabel

77,130 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

"So this is what Stiles does. He lies in Scott’s bed and waits for Melissa to say she’s found someone to get it out of him, to cure him of the wrongness and the bad, and he dreams.

God, he dreams.

He dreams of fire and swollen bellies and that scene in Alien, of giving birth to jackals through his urethra, the whole horrific nine yards. His head is a terrible place to be, he can’t imagine his stomach is much better, why anyone would want to put a thing inside of it."

Tip, Slide, Tumble by j_s_cavalcante

42,900 words | due South, Fraser/Kowalski

Ray knew when he found the body in the alley it was going to change someone's life. He just didn't expect that life would be his.

Turn by saras_girl

306,000 words | Harry Potter, Harry/Draco

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Unless it's lies or it's love by sprat

25,300 words | American Idol, Kris/Adam

In which Adam (a rock star) meets Kris (a single dad) at an Emergency Room in Arkansas at the end of a particularly shitty night. Also features: San Francisco, fresh starts, baked goods, OCs, cameo appearances by Matt and Megan, pirates, monsters with garbage heads and a recording studio.

What Child Is This by lamardeuse

30,150 words | Merlin, Arthur/Merlin

A modern AU with Merlin, Arthur, mayhem, a baby and a jingly elf hat.

What to Expect by arsenic

29,200 words | Bandom, Bob/Mikey

Mikey has his band, and his little girl, and that's enough. Really, it is.

Winter's Children by neery

66,890 words | Marvel, Bucky/Steve

When their attempts to recreate the super soldier serum failed, Hydra started trying to breed Captain America clones from his genetic samples. Unfortunately, the serum's effects aren't passed down genetically, so instead of an army of tiny Captain Americas, they get a bunch of tow-headed, asthmatic, allergic, immuno-compromised little Steves.

And then the Winter Soldier stumbles across Hydra's failed experiment...

With Six You Get Eggroll by speranza

31,000 words | due South, Fraser/Kowalski

"Kick 'em In The Head: A Guide To Parenting."

ETA: Bonus! Because I apparently lost my bookmark for this one but have the memory of an elephant for kidfic, so it came to me eventually. :D

A Farm in Iowa 'Verse by sheafrotherdon

166,000 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

John inherits a farm, Rodney ends up entirely out of his element, and there is much ado about baseball.

[mothmans-cumrag]

Rewatching A Taste of Armageddon be like

dafuq kinda uniform is this

oh come on jim since when do you care about rules

I love how Spirk don’t even have to talk to understand each other

he said he’ll only tale a few secuirity ppl w/ him why does he take Spock??? for emotional security??

now these outfits are more than ridiculous

I mean it is kinda better to fight with computers I guess, but still wtf

“I do not approve. I understand” is honestly such an important statement, bc just bc you get why someone is doing what they’re doing doesn’t mean you condone their actions or would do the same in their position and I love Spock for stating the difference and aaaaaaaaaaah

tfw your ship has been classified as “destroyed”

omg Bones is worrying about his boyfriends </3

plssss get that this isn’t him

Scotty and Bones are SUCH loyal ppl

Spock using his telepathy bc the writers couldn’t find any other way to get them out lol

“Sir, there is a multilegged creature crawling on your shoulder” goddamnit Spock I just cackled so fucking hard my neighbours probably think I’m a witch 😂😂😂

I love how he’s just... walking away like he didn’t just stun some guard

“There are no buts” excuse you have you seen Jim Kirk from behind??

Why the fuck you lying? Why you always lying Mmh oh my god, stop fucking lying!

damn, Scotty!

damn, Bones!

DAMN, SCOTTY!

“The haggis is in the fire for sure” is that something people say? I have literally never heard anyone use that expression

omg he said “barbarian” and I was looking at the subtitles and read “lesbian” like hell yea Jim is such a lesbian

“knock her down and sit on her if you must” Spock instructing lesbianism is probably my new religion

Spock is the sassiest mf in the entire fucking universe

“I’m a barbarian, you said it yourself” ok calm down sweetie

“I didn’t start it [...] but I am liable to finish it” didn’t I tell you to calm down

yayyy peace

“it was a calculated risk” bitch no it wasn’t

“you almost make me believe in luck” “Why Mr. Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles” AAAAAAH GAY! THIS IS SO GAY! THIS IS LITREALLY THE GAYEST SHIT I’VE EVERHEARD AND I’M GAY MYSELF!

[mlm-ficcollection]

Gay... || Spock X Male! Reader

"Ready to beam captain"

"Beam us down scotty"

"Beaming in three, two, one-"

The team was transported to the surface.

The enterprise had received some form of distress signal earlier, and Kirk being Kirk, decided they needed to act on it.

Not that you complained on how much he cared, you just thought he needed to be more careful about what he's getting himself into.

It's not like your opinion mattered anyways. He's the bloody captain. And, you got beamed down anyways didn't you?

As they arrived at the planet, a foul stench filled their noses.

(Y/n) opened his eyes, glancing around the planet curiously. There were high rocks everywhere, which is normal, but they were light green, and seemed to be made out of many layers of some sort of web.

He tilted his head and started walking towards it, while the team scattered behind him.

"Captain, there seems to be some form of animal at this planet, do you wish to continue the investigation?"

He asked as he picked up a pen from his pocket.

"We need to find out where the distress signal came from."

Kirk answered from behind him. "If it gets too dangerous, we'll beam up, but currently, there is nothing happening."

He stated.

"let's split up and investigate"

"Sir don't you think it's a little dangerous to split up when we know nothing about this planet?"

(Y/n) questioned and turned around, a confused look on his face.

"Affirmative, Captain we should not split up in these surroundings."

Spock appeared, standing next to (y/n), his hands folded behind his back and his face numb of any emotion. Typical Spock.

"Investigation is quicker and more effective if we split up, so yes, we're splitting up."

Kirk answered as he walked away, in one direction.

"Idiot."

(y/n) sighed in frustration and picked up his pen again and turned his attention back to the big rock.

"Correct."

Spock answered as he watched the captain leave. This was one of the few moments where Kirk didn't listen to Spock's warnings. That's when you know shit is gonna go down. Spock is like, always right.

(Y/n) looked at the rock, curiously as he picked up the pen and leaned it to his lips.

"I wonder.."

He mumbled and poked the pen against the rock.

"It's not sticky..."

"Be careful, I think I might have an idea of what these rocks are." Spock said as he watched (y/n) intensely. He was more watching (y/n) than watching what he was doing.

He found him fascinating, everything about him, even his body language.

"Don't worry commander, when am I not careful?"

(Y/n) answered and pulled the pen away, before bringing it down hard on the rock. He just wanted to see if it would echo.

Well, it didn't.

Instead a crack appeared and started spreading across the rock.

Spock looked at the crack and raised an eyebrow.

"you were saying?"

He looked at (y/n) again, slightly amused with the timing.

(Y/n) blushed embarrassed.

"Well, now we know it's not solid..?"

He tried to make the situation better by smiling unconvincingly.

"These are eggs, and they look alarmingly similar to spider eggs, but much bigger, in fact, I'm assuming what's gonna pop out of those eggs are mega sized spiders, so may I suggest we run?"

Spock proposed with his arms still neatly folded behind his back.

At that moment, the 'rock' cracked, and out popped three big ass spiders.

(Y/n)'s eyes widened in shock, and a bit of fear. Actually, mostly fear.

"Oh what the- yeah let's run!"

(Y/n) confirmed and sprinted the other way.

Spock followed (y/n)'s lead and ran.

While they ran, Spock decided to enlighten Kirk about what the rocks actually were with his communicator.

"Captain, the rocks are not rocks, they are eggs. Spider eggs to be more exact" 

He said as he glanced behind at the spiders, who were catching onto them.

"Be careful not to crack them"

"Copy that Spock, Kirk out."

Was the response he got from the communicator.

Spock nodded and picked up his blaster, shooting at the spiders while they kept running. After a while they stopped, desperately catching their breath.

"Lieutenant (y/n), you can stop running now, I disposed of them"

Spock said as he leaned against an actual rock.

"You killed them?"

(Y/n) asked as he basically laid on top of the rock, breathing heavily. He didn't have the best stamina.

"Yes, there were only two of them after all"

He shrugged and took out a device to measure the radioactivity on the planet.

"What are you talking about Spock... there were three spiders."

(y/n) sat up quickly, a look of panic in his face.

Spock looked at him with wide eyes, before (y/n) got tackled to the ground by a spider.

(Y/n) screamed in fear and tried to kick it off.

"Get it off me, get it off me!"

He closed his eyes to try and imagine he was somewhere safe.

Spock obviously shot it and quickly pushed it off from (y/n).

"(y/n) are you okay?!"

He asked as he sat on his knees above him to check his pulse.

"Yeah.. but I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a spider the same."

He breathed out and opened his eyes, leaning on his elbows to get more comfortable.

"... you scared me straight. I am relieved that you are okay."

Spock sighed out, visibly relaxing as (y/n) was obviously still alive. He was relived that the possibly only other logical person on the ship was still alive, otherwise he didn't know what he would do.

"That's a shame, I was hoping I'd finally have a valentine"

(y/n) snickered at his own joke. He blushed softly as he realized Spock probably didn't take that as a joke. He looked at Spock, to see him still hovering over (y/n), but with a surprised look and green tinted cheeks and ears. Was he.. blushing? Well yes, that would be the only logical way for him to blush since his blood is green, jeez, start thinking (y/n).

"G-gay"

Spock suddenly said, without warning. He was stuttering now as well? What's going on with Spock?! This was illogical.

"What?"

(Y/n) questioned, tilting his head.

"I-i mean I am.. gay.."

Spock cleared his throat as he glanced to the ground.

"I found out one day when I was at the market at Vulcan and a Male came and stole my-" "oh my god I'm-" "nO not that he stole my WALLET jeez I'm-"

Not far away, was Captain Kirk, listening to their conversation and struggling to not burst out laughing at the two awkward young men.

He was also joined by the rest of the landing team, as they were looking for Spock and (y/n), so they could get beamed back up. This, however, was far more entertaining.

After a while the young men stood up and cleared their throats.

"Let's agree to never speak of this again"

Spock said, holding out his hand for (y/n) to shake.

"I agree commander"

He nodded and shook his hand.

"Oh get a room!"

Sulu exclaimed suddenly from their hiding place, and the whole crew burst out laughing.

(Y/n) wasn't surprised that they did it, but was still a little caught off guard, pulling his hand away from spocks and turning to the others.

"How long were you listening?!"

"Oh I was there from the beginning"

Kirk said and waved slightly, with an amused smirk on his face.

Spock didn't seem to know what to answer, as his eyes slowly slid from the crew to the ground. This started the awkward silence.

After a while, Spock took the word.

"I suggest we ask Scotty to beam us up"

(Y/n) nodded quickly.

"I agree"

—

It had now been 3 weeks since the incident on the spider planet, and (y/n) and Spock had barely spoken. All they did was have prolonged amounts of eye contact.

There was definitely a tension between them, though none of them dared to do anything about it in fear that the feelings were one sided.

(Y/n) looked at himself in the mirror, letting out a determined sigh.

"Today is the day. You have got to tell him today"

he said to himself and nodded, his body filling up with determination. He was gonna do it. Today. He walked out of his room to look for the man he had fallen in love with.

He looked around a bit before spotting Scotty, and decided to ask him.

"Scotty you don't happen to have seen Spock recently?"

Scotty was caught off guard, "Well yes, he's at the bridge, why do you-" "thanks" (y/n) shot past him to get to the bridge as quick as possible. He was having a rush of confidence.

Scotty watched him leave with a knowing smirk on his face.

"Finally aye.."

(Y/n) arrived at the bridge and looked around, trying to spot the pointy eared, green blooded Vulcan that had stolen his heart.

There, conversing with a crewman.

(Y/n) took a deep breath and started making his way towards him.

"Hey (y/n)! How's it goin today?"

He was caught off by none other than Bones, grinning widely.

"Fine"

(y/n) mumbled, his eyes still stuck on Spock.

"Would you excuse me? I've got some important matters to attend to to"

"What do you mean?"

Bones turned around to look at whatever (y/n) was keeping his eyes on. He smirked,

"oh I get it. Go get him tiger"

He slapped (y/n)'s ass before walking away.

(Y/n) yelped and flared at him, before returning his eyes to Spock, who was watching him. He quickly averted his eyes once he found (y/n) staring back at him.

(Y/n) nodded, walking towards him with quick footsteps.

"oi, Spock!"

He called to get his Attention.

Spock raised his head and looked at (y/n) with a raised eyebrow, silently questioning why he had called his name.

(Y/n) walked up to him quickly, grabbing his shirt and pulling him down, connecting his lips to his.

The kiss was passionate, and even though Spock had no idea what the heck was going on, he soon got the memo and moved his lips against his.

It probably would have escalated if it weren't for (y/n)'s lack of oxygen and the fact that they were on the bridge.

(Y/n) pulled away.

"I'm going to make this easy for you to understand; I have a strong attraction to you that I wish to show you, and I would like for you to meet me in my room in 10 minutes, for some commitment."

He nodded formally to Spock, before turning on his heels and walking out of the bridge to his room, to get things ready for commander Spocks definite arrival.

Spock watched him leave, his cheeks dusted slightly green once again.

Of course he was going to accept his offer and meet him there. He knew very well that he was attracted to (y/n) as well. So the feeling was both sides then. That's a relief.

"Commander Spock, that was what we humans call a kiss, a way to show a person you love them"

The crewman from earlier explained.

"I know what a kiss Is."

Spock mumbled in response and started walking to the exit of the bridge.

"Where ya going Spock, you're not supposed to be there yet!" Kirk said from his seat.

"Better early than late captain!" He responded and left the bridge.

[firespirited]

spoilers for a ten year old movie

I gave in and watched JJs star trek 2009 to see if I was being unfair.

My review is that’s an entire movie to say “This is a new timeline so you can’t complain if the characters are different”. Aside from the atrocious design (that bridge is sensory hell), not enough gays in space vibes and basically no ethical or intellectual weight to any of it (WTAF is it even trek?), my biggest complaint is that Kirk had to be shown that Spock has emotions and told that they are future friends in order to respect him (also he’s a self destructive douche).... but we can handwave that away because chris h wasn’t there to raise chris p to be a decent human being and his mother and starfleet also failed apparently *strangled sounds of anger*. On the plus side, Sulu gets an action scene (and his fencing rocks) and seeing Leonard Nimoy made me feel all sappy... But then no-one explains if they’ll save Romulus in this new timeline and did old!Spock imply he was going off to make vulcan babies? Not that I mind but will the vulcans let him? I didn’t catch all of the dialogue there. The Uhura getting undressed scene was insulting and not enough humanitarian Bones. Also no reason for this film to exist AT ALL except to say alternate timeline - alternate kirk, suckers!

Like for real, just relaunch your reboots in media res, audiences don’t need a full explainer if you show don’t tell. It’s so simple, there’s a starship in a starfleet with a captain and his crew and they go on adventures, now let’s have an adventure! Instead we get a long intro of chris p’s tragic loss of chris h that he never even met who makes captain pike think chris p is gonna be a great captain because *~*genetics*~*.

I just broke my brain trying to decide if Enterprise’s worst episodes stack alongside this but it’s rotten apples and rotten oranges. I don’t think it was unfair to want some kind of musings on humanity in a trek film.

[flying-elliska]

I caught up with Star Trek Discovery and I am SO HYPE for season 3 like !!!

Thoughts on s2 :

- I just love the crew as a whole so much, they might be my favorite crew or maybe I’m just being biased because this is the first time I’m watching a Star Trek show live and so it feels like ‘my’ Star Trek. And they’re diverse in a way other crews have rarely been, and I just love almost all of them individually, the actors are all great. I just wish we got to know more of them a bit better and I really hope s3 gives us more team bonding.

- s2 as a whole was...i don’t know. They had some truly amazing episodes (the one with Airiam, on Saru’s planet). I wasn’t fond of the Red Angel plotline for a long while, especially in the beginning where they tried to make it about religion which it really wasn’t. Or it being All About Michael, who already has a tendency to shoulder too many burdens already - and even though I adore her, I am tired of storylines that revolve around one character as savior figure. But I really got into it towards the end - Control was a terrifying villain and a real menace, and I loved everyone rallying around Michael, it really being about teamwork and them inspiring each other and deciding to follow her to the future because they love her so much, they’re her FAMILY and I think I just spent a big part of the last episodes crying. I mean, Star Trek makes me cry in general, I don’t know why exactly, maybe it’s the idea of a decent future, but those in particular wow

- The inclusion of Spock and Captain Pike often felt like fanservice, especially since their characters were given a lot of space at the expense of other regulars, which annoyed me at times, but overall it was pretty compelling. Pike is just very classic Star Trek, principled and handsome and genuinely kind - and that scene where we realize he actually knows his future now, ooof. And emo!Spock was very funny, his relationship with Michael was pretty compelling and wow, as a long time Spirk shipper, Michael telling him he needs to find somebody who understands him and tethers him (that’s obviously Kirk) gave me Feelings even tho can you imagine having a Forbidden Sister you can’t ever tell anybody about...

- Section 31 being presented as this necessary evil....noooooo

- Star Trek continues to be absolutely crap at writing romance on purpose. The Ash/Michael is just so...ugh. I loved Ash in the beginning but the whole Klingon storyline was just so deeply garbage in s1 that it tainted his whole character for me and their thing was just rushed and they tried to sell it as this super tragic romance but i never really got into it in the first place ? like why did they even like each other anyway ? And then Stamets and Culber...I like them in theory, I’m over the moon we are finally getting lgbt rep, it’s about DAMN TIME, but it’s so frustrating that all the plot they get is basically one of them suffering some awful physical predicament and then the other angsts about it it got old really fast. Culber’s trauma made sense but they never really explored it properly, him breaking up with Paul for no clear reason and then being oh no never mind was very ???? undercooked. They can do a lot better. I know that in shows like these any characters in romantic relationships are bound to suffer because their love ups the stakes, but I wish they’d add more depth to the whole thing.

- So I know that in theory Georgiou is a terrible person, and a very bad trope, as the evil promiscuous bisexual, and as is this idea that in the evil mirror universe everyone is bisexual and promiscuous, as if those two things make you Morally Corrupt but also like....she’s so much fun to watch. It’s like that tumblr post about the problem with gay villains, in that it’s bad to associate gayness and villainy but also nghhhhh evil lady hot. And she in general has this chaotic force of nature vibe that is incredibly rare to see in female characters, like she absolutely commands the space she’s in, but she can also dial it back and you never really know what she’s going to do next. And her whole ‘I don’t care about you MIchael but I’m still going to follow you to the future’ thing is very funny.

- I think some of the criticisms of the show are valid. It’s leaning a bit too much on twists and turns at times, a bit too focused on characters over worldbuilding, and they make some really stupid decisions but I still love this show so much and I just really believe it can grow into something extraordinary if given the time.

- Also, is Sonequa Martin Green the most beautiful woman in the universe ? Like this show is filled with beautiful people but damn

[gar-trek]

In Disco there were 2 main characters in a gay relationship, outside of there being also a main nb and trans characters so in that regard I'm not scared. They writers said that they wanted to make Kirk bi in SNW, but if they tie it to the canon timeline, then Spock and Kirk won't meet until the end of snw, since it's when Jim takes over Pike as captain. They'll probs pair Jim with Gary Mitchell, since they were pretty close back at the Academy and imply future spirk, IF they actually make him bi

Like i said i haven’t seen it so i can’t really speak on how they treat representation and stuff, and if it feels genuine or just like pandering (idk you let me know. Also, tangent, but I want to watch DISCO and SNW, but I haven’t even finished TNG and I don't wanna be like... missing out on anything. Do I need to have lots of knowledge of all the trek shows, or can I just go in blind? is it even worth checking out?) 

Anyway, all those queer characters are great, but they are all new characters. It would be hard to make and big claims about Kirk or Spock, since they already have so much history. Also, everyone is very much concerned about following “Gene’s vision” and he pretty much explicitly confirmed Spirk wasn’t a thing (granted he did it in a super weird way). 

if the writers said they are gonna make Kirk bi, I hope they do go through with their word, but I really doubt it. It would definitely piss a lot of people off, including William Shatner. they just don't take risks like that with big-budget TV shows, unfortunately. Even if the writers do want it, paramount could always tell them no in the interest of making a show with more mass appeal (AKA more money). Hence, my theory that if it does happen, they will have to pussyfoot their way around it to try and make everyone happy. 

idk, it’ll be interesting to see how it goes. 

[ichayalovesyou]

Why Does God Need A Starship? (Live Reaction):

I always thought Sybok was cool and interesting and NOW I’m sure! You know it’s times like these that I’m grateful I kinda came back into the Star Trek fandom on my own, because I don’t have to deal with Opinions of older/louder Trekkies. This one kinda has a lukewarm reputation but I’m getting the vibe that I’ll genuinely enjoy it.

Yet again Bones is serving up some LOOKS damn! Look at these elder gays! Spock has rocket boots, amazing. “Because it’s there” and then falling off the goddamn mountain is such a James Tiberius Kirk thing to do 😂 “HI BONES!” These guys omfg. OH MY GOD SO WE DO SEE CAITIANS OUTSIDE THE CARTOONS?? Hell yeah! Also pole dancing to no music, is... weird. Lmao. Also okay I’m sorry Sybok is cool! Sybok is cool and interesting and I really like him! (Not morally obviously dude is shady as all fuck, but a cool dude nontheless!) Always fascinated by Cult Leader type villains, especially when they point out valid criticisms about the society from which they came (important distinction is that the CAUSE is not vilified, but the person and their means, something M****l has largely forgotten)

Awww I may ship Hikura, but Uhura & Scotty are also cute as hell!! Awwwwwww!!!! Old married couples can be so freaking cute. Chekov & Sulu are LOST ohhhh my god this is hilarious, these two idiots. Also can we talk about how Koenig’s eyebrows are slowly gaining sentience and Takei aged like fine wine? Lol. THE HOLY TRINITY OF ELDER GAYS ARE CAMPINGGGG! I’m- oh my god they’re so cute. “Marshmelon” this is cute as hell oh my god. They’re indulging and messing with Spock at the same time I’m dead! They’re singing ohh my god this gonna give me cavities with how sweet it is!!!

This Klingon dude is frickin ROCKING the eyeliner! Bruhhhh was the frickin spotlight necessary! Leave the gays alone SHHHH they’re SLEEPING!! Lmao. Yo I’ll be real this movie starts incredibly slowly but I seriously do not mind, it’s relaxing to not have to worry about missing important details if you look away for a second, it’s nice. WAIT? Does Jim’s shirt say GOT MILK?!!? Oh no, it says go climb a rock, oh thank god [“fatty milkers” flashbacks]

Seriously McCoy is just radiating so much old southern lady/gay energy in this movie and I love it so freaking much “if you ask me (and you haven’t) this is a horrible idea” he sounds like my North Carolina living Meemaw. Wow you can see Spock low-key taking psychic damage from seeing Sybok 😲 V’tosh Ka’tur of the highest order huh? Still disturbing that his government literally cast him out, that’s a red flag 😬. What happened with Sybok is probably a lot of why Spock was pressured to be as Vulcan as he was, I’m sure Sybok was a massive scandal/shame for Sarek, and knowing him, he’d end up making that his kids’ problem not his 🙄

Oh neat!! Chekov is in the in the captain’s chair. Oh this is the song they replaced Nichols’s voice for 😤 but also GIRL THAT WAS BADASS AND THAT SONG WAS A BOP! Quick question, wow these “alien” horses are somehow even worse than the unicorn dog (also it’s a desert planet, wouldn’t it be better to have, like, alien camels or something?) This dude’s Klingon is freakin impeccable btw! He’s really got the vibe down! Jim did you forget how fuckin bananas strong Vulcans are??? Sybok went like 😡☹️ when Spock pointed that laser rifle at him 😂😂😂 again even tho I know Scotty and Uhura are married but it’s scenes like getting held hostage right there where they radiate such POWER COUPLE energy GAWD! 🤩

Stay out of this Bones we’re having a lover’s quarrel! Jim is taking fucking psychic damage from this entire conversation lol. Okayyyy whatever Sybok is doing is definitely some kind of mind control type thing, that shit is creepy af no thank youuuuuu (spores anyone?). Oh my god Spock & Jim are so married lmao, that “I’m sorry” Vulcan kiss in the brig man Aw. (Oh man Magic’s of mega-tsu got devani mixed by that comment lame!) SCOTTYYYYYY!! YAS!

Yay rocket boot glomp! Lmfao! Sybok needs to brush up on his earth history Columbus did NOT figure out the world is round 🙄 Ah Scotty being like “listen, you’re not okay rn so I’m not really down for whatever you think you wanna do right now it can wait until you’re right in the head again” and they could’ve not done that and it would’ve been creepy (especially by today’s standards) but they didn’t! And that was awesome!

Bones being skeptical and has every right to be! He’s faced down would be gods and would-be messiahs before! Also I’ve seen people judge Bones for being the first to cave but Sybok totally did that shit to him without consent! He didn’t go back on his beliefs, Sybok forced him to! BONES PROTECTION SQUAD IS HERE AND ITS ME! Oh Bones, man, poor babeyyyy (fuck Sybok!) 😭😭😭 OH MY GOD BONESSSSSS Sybok leave him alone! Goddamnit! Leave him alone!

I think Jim can see Spock’s Sybok induced vision cuz they’re ✨Bonded✨ (it didn’t seem like they could see Bones’s, other than what Bones was doing). JIM KNOWS SO MUCH BETTER! ITS HOW HE BEAT THE SPORES ITS HIS CORE! I UNDERSTAND AND LOVE HIM FOR IT!!! Spock 😍😍😍 he’s like, you’re bullshit happiness pill doesn’t work on me cuz I am whole for the first time in my life, and I love my husband, and I already learned my lesson decades ago 💚🖖🏻💚 (who knew how important the character development from This Side of Paradise AND Return To Tommorow would be??? Hell yeah!)

I love Scotty so much 🥰 hardcore badass Hufflepuff from beginning to end! Also I hope Sybok appears in SNW that could be really really interesting if they do it right! ITS GOD (derogatory) REVERE HIM! Oh here comes that legendary question!! “What dies God need with a starship?” Red flag don’t call Jim a creature! Oh shit god has laxer eyes oh no lmao! Bones snaps out of whatever Sybok did to him when “God” hurts his friends and we LOVE HIM FOR ITTTT! Awww Spock & Sybok and be saaaaad, oh shit! Into the lightning to fight a mirror of yourself like Lazarus in that one episode!

OH SHIT THE KLINGONS ARE HERE! Oh damn Spock just swore a cuss the right way, at a Klingon General no less! General dude just went “caotain tell Kirk you are sorry!” LMAO! NOT IN FRONT OF THE KLINGONS 😂😂😂😍 KISS DAMNIT!! God this whole after scene is so good, maybe the god is the friends we made along the way. “I lost a brother once” you also lost SAM dummy, I know you were just telling Spock you love him but still. SHUT UP SPOCK IS PLAYING ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT ON HIS LYRE??

Okay, seriously, I unironically love this movie, it might be my favorite out of the ones I’ve seen so far actually. TMP felt like the movies getting their sea legs, but it was slow and messy, it wasn’t as thought provoking as it wanted to be (aside from Spock’s wonderful arc in that film). WoK & TSFS are amazing for drama and angst and Spirk content, but they weren’t really asking the big questions Star Trek is wonderful for. Then The Voyage Home is just plain silly and fun and wholesome. But this, this movie had depth! The whole premise is “what is god and is there is one?” I LOVE that as someone who has a very complicated relationship with spirituality. I also already loved the TOS episodes This Side of Paradise, Return To Tomorrow, The Omega Glory and The Way To Eden, and this movie had the best of those concepts! Sybok was such a fascinating antagonist/anti-hero and I hope we get to see him explored more on screen one day, even if it’s just through Discovery/SNW flashbacks. It may have started off slow and it’s not without its flaws but this felt like the Star Trekkiest TOS Star Trek movie so far!