#doll rehab i guess

[goofstep]

thunderbolt fantasy is one of the most beautiful things ive ever looked at………..how do i get hands on in building puppets where do i begin

[pandacommander24a]

The Brony fandom explosion with the show was that they were super relatable to a lot of people what with the Dead-end Job, Grad Student, running the family business or getting their start-up off the ground, because we all knew those people in the 18 to 25 demography if we weren't already them or going to be them.

The fact that Twilight Sparkle was a nerdy intellectual who thought she was smarter than everyone else and just really needed friends also might have helped. But that might be more personal reasons...

i love how all the main characters of mlp are adults with jobs. It's possibly my favorite thing about friendship is magic. There's some child characters too but the main characters all being adults with responsibilities is so much more interesting than most kids' shows that are just about children in school.

Twilight being a grad student who runs the local library. Applejack and Rarity straight-up running actual businesses in town. Fluttershy runs an animal shelter? Rainbow Dash has a dead-end job and dreams of becoming a stunt flier like her heroes. Pinkie Pie's talent doesn't even relate to her job: she's the local entertainer but she also just happens to work in a bakery, where she rents the top floor. It's so fun and realistic? So many different plotlines came from their wide variety of jobs. Lauren Faust cooked so hard.

[dunmeshistash]

Why did Milsiril help with Mithrun's recovery?

Since people seemed to be interested in the post I made about why she adopted Kabru I wanted to write my thoughts about her helping Mithrun too.

I think with Mithrun it gets a little trickier tho, both because Mithrun himself doesn't speak much about his past and because most of it we get from a third party account. I'll also try to discuss based on what I see people say about their relationship although is probably gonna be shorter than Kabru's (came back to say it's not shorter), tw for self-harm because of Mithrun recovery drawings.

1 - So Mithrun could become a canary again

This is the theory I see the most often, probably it's whats on the main story, as far as I'm remembering there's no other mentions of Milsiril related to Mithrun besides the role she plays in sparing his life.

That story isn't reliable tho, Mithrun constantly points out that Kabru is glossing over details and Kabru himself is depicted as cooking (as the kids say) a good story that resonates with an audience.

So we can't really trust that this framing is objectively true

But even so taking just what happened, without the context Kabru added, what she did was spare his life once she realized he still had a hint of desire to exist within him.

Kabru lies (or rather embelishes a lot) when he says "and from that point onward, Mithrun lived only to slay demons. He ate even he had no desire to eat. He lived on even though he had no desire to live." he was useless for 20 years after this so 'saving him cause he will be useful later' isn't really too accurate. Milsiril also wasn't involved with his rehab until Utaya 18~19 years later so it definitely wasn't for this that she helped.

2 - So Mithrun could avenge Utaya by defeating the demon (She winded him up and set him on a path, you know, like a doll)

I think this one is kinda mean, I've seen people speak as if she only helped him after Utaya because she wanted to use him to defeat the demon. But there's no evidence Milsiril even cares about the demon or that she wants vengeance. My girl literally ran away and decided to look away instead of continuing to fight (and I can't blame her)

This, as far as I understand, is based both on the above section and on this part from her adventurer's bible extra

She shows up to visit him and brings up the demon, and then sets him up to go after it, but once again I think it relies on an unkind interpretation of her character; you gotta assume she has unseen ulterior motives already before the comic even starts, since this whole comic is talking about how she completely misinterpreted who Mithrun was when they were in the same squad, and how she feels he's actually someone she would get along with. If you know Milsiril, you know she only gets along with other misfits, she's acknowledging Mithrun as someone who was broken like her even before his desires were eaten.

This is the complete comic

"I always hated you. You were beautiful and perfect, and everybody loved you. You didn't seem to have a single worry or flaw.

But when I saw the dungeon you'd built, I was startled. It was such a warped, convoluted place built from inferiority, jealousy, lies and anger.

I wish I'd tried really talking to you. We might have hit off pretty well. Too late now, I guess"

She acknowledges him as a human being, when before she only saw him as the embodiment of the people that bullied her. And right after that she talks about the demon. There's no indication for a wish of vengeance anywhere in this comic, I'd even say the demon and the dungeons are barely important to what Milsiril is thinking, there's only belated compassion.

3 - Cause he was a new "project"

Related to the reasons pointed out in my Kabru post, people assume Milsiril is the type of person that wants/needs to feel superior to someone, or to put on an altruistic front or what have you. And that interpretation also leaks into how they see her helping Mithrun. I said the main reasons why I don't think she's that type of person on the other post so I wont repeat. But I don't think Mithrun is a "project" at all.

This was right after she fought on Utaya, I imagine a little after or a little before she took in Kabru, so she "had a project" already if you're gonna go with that wording. She was also finally free from the canaries and she had no obligation towards Mithrun. She also only went back to him decades after she spared his life, my assumption is that she did it because she finally could. She couldn't have guessed when she spared his life that 19 years later she would be free from the canaries and that Mithrun still wouldn't have been recovered and would have been needing her.

4 - And finally, why did she spare his life? Why did she help him recover?

This one isn't as straight foward as Kabru's adoption to me. I imagine the fact he had the potential to still be useful could be one of the reasons she spared Mithrun at first, but I also think that he newfound empathy she developed for him when she saw his dungeon might have been part of it, that seeing he still had some sort of drive and desire made her have hope he could still live.

Milsiril really seems like the type of person that likes to nurture, while I wouldn't say this makes her a "softie" and not able to execute him (I'm sure she could do a mercy kill) I think that soft side made her want to give him a chance. There's no proof for any of that ofc, and Kui confirmed in a QnA Mithrun wasn't arrested or executed because they were desperate for people to be in the canaries. (The choice probably wasn't only on her)

Now why she helped him? I think it's because she saw he could be helped.

She says herself she's only visiting, probably to check on him

"They said you've fully recovered but you might as well be a corpse." so by this point I think his body has recovered and he has managed to stabilize? But as this extra from the daydream hour shows he needed 24/7 care to stay alive in those first 18 years

Like she said he might as well be a corpse, he'd be in bed all day and have servants keeping him from dying, he would have fits where he would harm himself, he had no way to go on. It even says that even things that could remind him of his time as dungeon lord weren't allowed so he was probably being kept away from demon mentions (after all I doubt servants even knew about a demon)

But then when she mentions the demon he immediately gets up

She's surprised so I don't think she expected that, and she goes and uses that reaction to help him "Then first eat this. If you finish it all I'll take you to a dungeon again"

Rather than using him to fight the demon I think she's using the demon to help him live. Here's what his bio says

"After Mithrun was recused from the dungeon, he spent a while on the verge of death. However, with time and rehabilitation he gradually became able to lead a normal life again. The Utaya incident was the event that roused him. He thought, 'If I'd been there, I know I could have dealt with the demon somehow' and he resolved to return to active duty. (...)"

So it worked, Milsiril might have been there to help with his rehab but it was the Utaya situation that finally was able to motivate him to find a way to live and rejoin the canaries, so I think rather than setting him up to kill she realized it could be used to help him.

Which isn't a perfect solution, as you might know by the ending, his fate was to die either way: either he would die trying to kill the demon or he would defeat it and die because he had nothing else to live for.

But it was what Milsiril could do for him at that moment and it was how she managed to help him go forwards.

And that's my thoughts about Milsiril and Mithrun, I don't think they as big in each other's lives in canon as some people assume, there's barely a mention of Milsiril on his profile and she's barely named in his backstory. But they were both people that left a mark on each other's existence if only for a short time.

But I don't think Milsiril was just doing charity when helping Mithrun either, I imagine she did it because she saw herself in past Mithrun, and wanted to help him because of it.

Also side note, this extra:

That's past Mithrun saying she has ulterior motives, he isn't reliable and thinks badly of everyone. So ofc he thinks gloomy Milsiril is suspicious for helping, him doesn't mean it's true

Disclaimer again I'm a Milsiril stan so I'm very charitable in my interpretations of her, but hopefully you can see there's no indication she is someone who would use a sick person for revenge with the sources I've attached.

[hazbincalifornia]

I like the thought of Verosika/Barbie where they meet in rehab and they're both just... assholes. Trying to detox sucks. Barbie reminds Verosika too much of Blitzo, and Verosika is just a rich, privileged, self-obsessed dick to Barbie. At first, they prickle at each other.

Barbie chased fame and it tore her to shreds, lost her her brother and her dignity as she fell into addiction while clawing to keep on top even as she sank under. Verosika has everything she wants, is looked up to, has a Crystal from Ozzie himself.

On Verosika's side, Barbie is a bitter, washed-up too-crass imp that spits swears like they're air, always sneaking in hits from somewhere and draped over the back of the center's couch like she's a cat on a windowsill, burnt by the world and hissing if anyone gets too close.

There are flashes of the entertainer she used to be buried underneath, though- she whips out jokes easily as breathing when there's the chance. She's whip-smart and agile as anything when soberish, seen on ledges more than the floor. When she gets attention, she positively glows.

Barbie wants the high of fame back, the chance to be something, be someone, and Verosika walks around with an air of being someone better than anyone else, and Barbie believes it. She blew her shot, and she blames the world the way her brother blames himself.

One day, she realizes nobody visits Verosika either. She only leaves when she's hired for a gig, which is still better than what Barbie gets, but she doesn't talk about missing anyone like some of the others do. (Many don't, it can be a weakness to tear at, but there are tells.)

(She was hired 'to lead their team' for Spring Broken, remember- those aren't her friends, her group. She might have known them, but they're not 'hers'. She's seemingly usually a solo act.)

Then, Barbie notices the tattoo. They'd never been in quite the right angle or this close before, and she knows exactly what that means. She doesn't know how to feel, but goes up to Verosika and says 'So, my dipshit brother broke your heart, huh?'

Verosika starts, staring down at her until Barbie hops up on the table and takes a swig of water like she wishes it was something harder. "Blitzo. He's my brother. He fucked off years ago. I'd apologize but I don't know what he did or if you deserved it."

There's a lot in those words, and Verosika's lips tighten. "He fucked off with my wallet and car, drained the cards on horse-riding lessons." Barbie wheezes with laughter at that, and it sounds so much like Blitzo that Verosika can't tell if she wants to smack her or kiss her.

"You know, all this time I've been picturing what I'd do once I got out of here, and taking you down a peg for being such a stuck-up bitch was on that list, but it sounds like he already did it for me." She has a lopsided grin, so very punchable.

Then it softens a little, and the growl in Verosika's throat dies. "Musta really fucked you up, huh? Everybody knows I haven't got jack or shit left at this point, but you had to like him enough to get his stupid name plastered right on your arm before he ripped you off."

Verosika considers for a moment, before giving a slight nod. "Yeah. He was an asshole. I thought we had something, but..." "He runs when things get hard. Fucking pussy." Barbie examines her claws, born with black polish. "Guess if he already fucked you up I don't have to."

"Oh, you're a doll," Verosika said sarcastically. "Because I have so much to fear from a washup nobody ever gave more than a half-hour's worth of a shit about." Barbie's fingers curl into a fist. She glares, and what Verosika sees in her eyes isn't as satisfying as she expected.

After that, it comes in bits and pieces. Slowly, Barbie sees that Verosika is still shuffled around like a talented pet and shoved back in order to keep her just sober enough to be useful. Slowly, Verosika sees Barbie as someone else who was hurt but never gets a second chance.

(The first time they kiss, it tastes of booze smuggled in through Verosika's chest and Barbie's boot, a little sweaty but a solace from the world that saw them both as tools, one still useful and one tossed away to rust.)

[viceroywrites]

better than drugs

pickles x fem!reader

the two of you meet in rehab; him being a metal drummer punished for drinking while operating a hovercraft and you being a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who recently relapsed.

in the short weeks you spent with him, you came to two realizations; he was more addicting than any drug, and you never wanted to quit this drug.

ao3 version here - first two chapters are rewritten on tumblr and the rest will be the same moving forward.

content warning: this story involves discussion of alcoholism, drug usage, and drug addiction. reader is a recovering addict. suggestive sexual themes in this chapter.

chapter three - surrender and soul searching 

You let out a yawn, making your way into the large group therapy room. Your first few days in rehab had been surprisingly uneventful, meeting with your one-on-one counselor and the psychiatrist who to your surprise did not make any changes to your medication, and attending groups, breathing  a sigh of relief as the doctor that was at your second stint was not present. 

You end up running into Cecilia on your way into group therapy and sighed as she gave you a lecture after seeing you with Pickles in the cafeteria the previous day.

“I know, Cecilia, I’ll stay out of trouble. He’s not that bad once you get to know him.” You admit before wincing as she gave you a stern look.

“Alright, I know he’s been causing a lot of shit but he promised me he would tone it down. You just gotta know how to wrangle him in.” You put your hands up in defense and Cecilia sighs, shaking her head.

“If you say so, I gotta see it to believe it, kid. As long as he doesn’t drag you into his chaos, do what you want. You’re a grown woman.” Cecilia shrugged in defeat but paused, “It’s interesting how you got so close to him. You’re usually a brick wall with people, no one gets through that thick skin on day one, I should know.”

You glance away, not understanding it quite yourself, “Well, maybe I’ve turned over a new leaf. Maybe I need to change how I do things here so it actually sticks this time.

Cecilia gives you a pat on the shoulder, “It will stick. Now go to group, I don’t want you running late.”

Your feet carry you over to the group room and you scan the room that seems to be filled with other clients but no Pickles in sight. You take a seat closest to the door, your eyes taking in the familiar setting before they land on the 12 Steps written out on the board with Surrender being highlighted in red.

“Looks like we’re missing a special someone.” The counselor hums, walking in the room and his eyes narrowing in on the empty chair next to you.

“Guess I should go get Pickles, he’s probably trying to make an escape again.” One of the guards sighs, about to walk out the door to grab the drummer. However, as he turns his heel, he’s greeted to the sight of the red-headed drummer walking in the room.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to drag me here.” Pickles mutters, stuffing his hands in his pockets. His grouchy demeanor shifts slightly at the sight of you, a tired smile spreading across his features as he points to the chair next to you, “This seat taken?”

You stare at him in surprise, considering the first few days he had skipped the group entirely, being chased around still by the guards. ‘Guess the scolding I gave him last night worked…’ You think to yourself before  giving him a playful grin, “Yeah, it is. Guess you’ll have to sit in the corner and cry about it.” You say as you lean back to prop your feet up on the chair.

Pickles’ smile turns into a smirk, “I think I’ll have a seat, if you don’t mind, doll.” His cold fingertips wrap around your ankle, picking your feet off the seat as he takes a seat. Your cheeks grow warm as he places them right back down onto his lap.

You noticed the confused and curious stares of the fellow patients as well as the lead counselor and quickly retracted your legs back down to the floor.

“Alright, let’s get started then. Today, we’re talking about Step 3 - surrender. Now what does that mean to you all?” The lead counselor begins the discussion, eyeing the two of you carefully.

Pickles mouths a ‘Sorry’ to which you shake your head, smiling back as a silent way to signal that you were good.

-

“Okay, let’s take a 15 minute break and we’ll reconvene in the group room for the last hour.” The white haired counselor announces, getting up from his seat.

The rest of the group gets up to get coffee or water in the corner of the group room  or go to the bathroom. You stay in your seat, still zoning out from the lengthy group discussion that was only disrupted by an unruly patient that currently lays on the floor after getting tased by a staff member.

A nudge on your shoulder snaps you out of your trance, your eyes flicking up to see Pickles standing next to your chair. He leans over, his warm breath caressing your ear to whisper in your ear, “Wanna take a quick smoke break?”

You blink up at him, your heart beat picking up at his proximity before shrugging with a grin, “Why the hell not?”

Getting up from your chair, you can practically feel the counselor leading today’s group staring at the two of you down with some scrutiny. He was the same counselor you had during your stay in rehab in college, Dr. Hammettt. Feeling some embarrassment with having to face him again, you take up Pickles’ offer immediately, stepping over the body of the patient to escape the doctor’s judging gaze.

“God, I swear he can go on and on for hours about this stuff. Makes me wonder how he doesn’t run out of material.” Pickles snorts as soon as he’s out of ear shot.

“It's the same old spiel, I’ve heard it before when I was here in college. The steps have been around for decades now, no need to rewrite the script.” You chuckle, stuffing your hands in the pockets of your pants.

As you round the corner, you bump into Cecilia who’s making her rounds of administering medication to the patients. 

“You guys already done with group?” Cecilia questions, eyeing Pickles suspiciously as she directs the question more towards you than anything. 

Before Pickles can pour out an excuse, you already have one ready, “No, we’re on break. I was just heading back to my room to grab my sweater since it’s cold in the group room.”

“And you?” The nurse turns her gaze to Pickles, clearly suspecting the worst as he has been tearing the facility up every single day since he’s checked in.

“Just tagging along with her, got nothing better to do.” Pickles admitted honestly, though he recognizes that the suspicion the nurse has in him is valid, wondering how she knows you in the first place.

“I’ve got him on a tight leash, don’t you worry, Cilia. Come on, let’s get going, break time’s almost up.” You grin playfully as you grab Pickles by the collar of his black tank  and start tugging him towards the direction of your room. He lets out a yelp, “Alright, I’m coming!”

Cecilia watches the two of you walk away in curiosity, “Huh, never seen her smile like that here before.”

You close the door behind you once Pickles steps in, letting out a sigh of relief. “God, why does it feel like I have a target on my back? All the staff keep staring at me like they know I’ve got these cigarettes on me.”

Pickles flops down onto your bed, getting a whiff of your scent as he settles into the sheets. His back against the wall, his hands behind his head, he gives you a grin, “I’m sure that’s mostly because you’re hanging around me. You already know the kinda reputation I have here.”

You reach for the pack of cigarettes in your duffel bag compartment, grabbing the lighter and walking towards the bed, “You’ve certainly made a name for yourself. You know stirring shit up makes your stay longer, right?” You chuckle, sitting on the edge of the bed as your thumb flicks the lighter.

Cursing under your breath at a few failed attempts, you blink owlishly as the lighter is taken out of your hands. With the cigarette dangling from your lips, you glance up at Pickles who shakes his head in amusement, “Need some help again? Remind me to get you a better lighter when we get out of here, this thing is a piece of shit.”

Somehow, Pickles is able to get it lit on the first try, bringing the flame to the tip of the cigarette. You roll your eyes, inhaling slowly before pulling the stick out of your mouth, exhaling the smoke in his face, “Whatever, my fingers are smaller than yours.”

Pickles lets out a cough as the smoke fills his nostrils, wafting it away before smirking at your bold gesture. “Mind if we share? I  don’t wanna bum one of your stash and we gotta finish it quickly. We only got five more minutes before we need to head back.”

You pass the cigarette over to the red-haired drummer, your fingertips brushing as he takes it from you. You take note of how calloused his fingers felt, probably chalked up to his years as a drummer. Watching as he takes a puff, your eyes can’t help but linger on his lips as they wrap around the butt of the cigarette.

Your gazes lock as he stares at you with a shit eating grin, catching where you were staring, “My eyes are up here, sweetheart.” You roll your eyes, grabbing the pillow at the edge of the bed and hitting the drummer with it. He lets out a laugh, taking the pillow to prop up against the wall to support his back.

You swipe the cigarette back, taking a few more puffs before finally passing it back to Pickles who mumbles out a question as the cigarette dangles from his lips, “So how do you know the old hag?”

You roll your eyes, shifting so your back is up against the wall, sitting closer to Pickles. Your legs brush up against each other as you did not leave much space in between you two. “The old hag is Cecilia. She’s been a nurse since my stay in high school. You could say she’s like my second mom here… if my mom was actually mom.”

Pickles chuckled, finishing the rest of the cigarette as only the butt is left, “You’re preaching to the choir if we’re talking about bad parents.” You extend your hand out to which he drops the butt into your palm.

“Oh really? I’m curious to hear some of your backstory, maybe I can sell it to the tabloids when we get out of here.” You chuckle, sliding off the bed to grab some tissues, wrapping the butt in a few before placing it carefully in your trash can. You remember to grab a sweater, actually needing it since the group room was pretty chilly.

“Oh shit, we only got a minute left.” Pickles mutters, glancing at the clock in your room. Your eyes widen, quickly grabbing a perfume bottle to mask the scent of the cigarette smoke. You toss it over to Pickles who stares at you like you’re crazy.

“Oh don’t be a pussy, just put it on unless you want to get into more trouble.” You huff to which he complies to your demand, spritzing the perfume on his clothes before tossing it back to you.

You both exit the room, shoulders tense as you make your way back to the group room just in time. You take your seats, staring at each other with wide eyes as Dr. Hammett walks back into the room, coffee in hand.

He steps over the body of the patient just like you and Pickles had done, taking a seat in his chair, “Alright, let’s continue. Since you’ve been through this before, tell the group a little about your journey with Step 3, Y/N.”

You blink owlishly at the doctor, still a bit on edge after just having smoked a cigarette and barely having enough time to mask the scent than you normally would. “R-Right…” You take a deep breath to calm your nerves.

“Well, surrender to me means acknowledging that we’re not in control. Not just with alcohol or drugs but with a lot of things in life. People, places, things. We just use drugs and alcohol to feel in control sometimes.” You begin to explain, looking down at your feet as you always found it hard to give a share while looking at the people in the room, feeling scrutinized.

Pickles watches you answer with surprising interest. If he was wrangled into group by the bodyguards, he would tune it out, waiting for his turn to give some sort of half-baked answer that normally would not fly and finally blurt out his honest thoughts after much pressing. Anything the doctor said would often go in one ear and out the other. Yet somehow, what you had to say had some truth to it for him.

“Where do you think you’re at with this step as of today, Y/N?” The doctor questions, satisfied with your answer as he notes how Pickles, who typically is checked out, seems at least slightly engaged. 

“I think I’ve worked through Step 3. I know I have a problem and I know I can’t control people, places, and things.. I think at this point, surrender is easy - isn’t that why I’m here?” You say with a shrug.

“Thanks for your share, Y/N. We’ll move on to you, Eric.” Dr. Hammett nods, giving you a sincere smile which he typically doesn’t do before redirecting his attention onto another patient.

You let out a deep breath, feeling the pressure being lifted off your shoulders.

The rest of group goes smoothly, everyone going around to share what surrender meant to them. Even Pickles gives  an answer without much pressing.

As the group wraps up, you get up from your chair and follow behind Pickles before being stopped as your name is called out. You look over your shoulder, seeing the doctor being the source and glance back at Pickles. “I’ll catch up with you later, see you at dinner.” Pickles nods, looking back in concern before walking out, closing the door behind him.

“Am I in trouble, Doc?” You ask, walking up to him with a hesitant smile. You’re convinced that you’ve been discovered and may suffer the consequences of it.

Instead, Dr. Hammett places his clipboard down, “Far from it. As much as it's sad  to see you back here, I’m glad to have someone in the group who actually knows the steps. I swear groups are going to be different now with you here.” 

You relax visibly, blinking owlishly in surprise, “Oh, well, I’m glad that I could help at least.”

“You don’t have to share if you don’t want to… well, you’re going to anyway in group but how’d you end up back here? Don’t tell me you went on another bender?” He asks, a mixture of concern and curiosity in his eyes.

“No, no… I’d like to hope my bender days are behind me. I ended up drinking a bottle of wine after a stressful day at work… roommate caught me, told my parents.” You admit, rubbing the back of your neck sheepishly.

Dr. Hammett blinks at your answer, crossing his arms, “That’s it? Just one night? You could’ve just gone to more meetings again, checked in with your sponsor… you didn’t need to come all the way back to rehab.”

You look away, sighing, “Well, you know my parents. It was either rehab or move back in with them so they can ‘monitor’ my sobriety.”  Your fingers curl to emphasize the quotation marks to which he chuckles at.

“Well, hopefully, this stay will be a lot shorter than the others. You know your steps, just work them, participate in group and I think you’ll be ready for discharge in the next two weeks.” The doctor explains, “If anything, I’d love to have you here longer to kick these other guys into gear.”

You chuckle, shaking your head, “I’ll have to politely decline staying here longer. I have a job I have to get back to in a month.” 

“By the way… I noticed you’ve been friendly with Pickles. You probably already know the reputation he has around here.” Dr. Hammettt’s voice shifted into a more serious tone. “Just be careful. The last thing I’d want is for your recovery to be compromised because you’re hanging around him.”

Your eyes narrow, a bit offended at how everyone assumes you’ll be corrupted by the red-haired drummer. You reply as you cross your arms across your chest, “I’m fine, Doc. I told Cilia already I’ve reigned him in a bit so hopefully he won’t be too much of a ruckus for the rest of my stay. Can’t guarantee he’ll be the same if I discharge before him.”

“Don’t tempt me, Y/N. I might keep you around longer just to play babysitter for a bit.” The doctor chuckles, relaxing a bit, “Well I won’t keep you any longer, you’ve been listening to me ramble for the last three hours.”

-

Pickles finds himself anxiously pacing around his room, wondering if you got caught. 

Trying to preoccupy himself, Pickles reaches into his beat up, black duffel bag, pulling out  a set of drumstick and a practice pad. He grabs his headphones, hooking it up to his Dethphone. Sliding the earbuds in, he scrolls through the music files Nathan had sent him before he had been exiled to rehab for their upcoming concert in Australia. He figured he might as well practice even though it was still up in the air if he was even going to play.

Selecting a song, his hands move almost instinctively, drumming on the beat with exact precision. His eyes close as he attempts to focus on the rhythm that plays in his ears but his thoughts begin to drift.

‘Dude, you totally screwed her over. You’re gonna fuck up her recovery, she’s actually tryna to get clean for good reasons.’ The angel on his shoulder nags at him.

‘So what? She’s the one who brought the cigarettes in the first place. Besides, she’s just some chick you met a few days ago.’ The devil on his shoulder snorts.

‘Yeah, some chick that you seem to be getting pretty cozy with. Ya know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re starting to like her.’ 

‘Like her? I’m just horny, and she’s the only one here who isn’t walking around like they’re a freaking zombie. She’s a good fuck at best.’

‘Oh yeah, is that why you went to group today? Just cause she’s a good fuck? Not cause you just wanted to spend more time with her.’

“Fuck!” Pickles curses, tossing his drumsticks onto the ground as he loses track of the tempo, falling behind. He pulls the earbuds out and sighs in annoyance, catching himself wondering why he’s even concerned about you in the first place. After all, his main goal is supposed to be getting out of this hell hole as soon as possible so he can join his band again.

Before he can collect his thoughts, he hears a knock on the door and groans, getting up and opening the door, “Look, I didn’t do shit-” His words are cut off as he’s greeted to the subject of his worries, staring at him in confusion.

“Jeez, it’s just me, calm down.” You mutter, “Did I interrupt something? I could hear you practicing from out here.”

“No.. it’s fine.” Pickles sighs, stepping out of the way to let you in, “Wanna come in? I can’t focus anyways.”

“Sure, might as well kill some time before dinner.” You step inside, surveying the room that looked identical to yours. You see the drumsticks on the floor and pick them up, glancing back at Pickles, “It sounded really good, by the way. Well, until you got frustrated and got off tempo.”

“No shit, I’m in fucking Dethklok. Of course, I sound good.” Pickles takes the drumsticks from your hands and you stare at him as he takes a seat on his bed.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” You question him, hands on your hips.

“Just ready to get the hell out of here..” Pickles mutters, glaring down at the floor before his conscience finally weighs down on him. He finally surrenders and glances up at you, “Hey.. uh.. sorry if I got ya in trouble today. Ya know with the smoking.” 

Your eyebrow raises. The gears start to turn and you  put the pieces together, letting out a laugh, “Oh my god, you were all wound up over the fact that I might’ve gotten in trouble?”

Pickles glares up at you, flipping you the bird, “I was not! I’m not a complete dildo though… figured I’d apologize or whatever.” 

“Well you have nothing to apologize for, I didn’t get in trouble. Don’t you worry your pretty little drummer head about it. Dr. Hammett just wanted to catch up since he was my counselor during my second time here.” You chuckle, finally taking a seat next to the drummer.

“I wasn’t worried… but that’s good to hear.” Pickles sighs, tossing his drumsticks back into his duffel bag and laying down on the bed. 

“I get it though… being ready to get out of here. Days feel like weeks in here honestly.” You hum, looking down at Pickles as he lounges on the bed with his hands behind his head, “Listen, some friendly advice, you can take it or leave it. Keep doing what you did today. Don’t fight, just go to groups, even if you don’t pay any attention. Participation matters and the more you’re what they call ‘non-compliant’ the longer they’ll keep you here.”

Pickles digest the information you give him, closing his eyes before looking back up at you, “Fine, I’ll do it. You’ve done this 2 times already, you gotta know what works and what doesn’t.”

You’re pleasantly surprised at his reaction, expecting more resistance before smiling, “Well that didn’t take much convincing.”

“Ya know, that doesn’t mean, I’m not going to still make the staff’s lives a living hell, right?” Pickles gives you a shit-eating grin, “I’ll just have to find other ways to get under their skin.”

“God, you’re the worst.” You snicker, “So why were you practicing earlier? Aren’t you technically out of the band?”

“Only until I get out of here. We got an upcoming gig in Australia… where my douchebag brother, Seth, is. Hopefully, I’ll get to play then and redo that whole hovercraft bullshit.” Pickles explains, grabbing his headphones and Dethphone, “Wanna listen?”

Your head tilts in curiosity, glancing from Pickles to the Dethphone. Pickles chuckles at your reaction, shaking the phone teasingly, “Come on, ya know, you wanna.”

“Fine since you’re offering,” You groan playfully, taking the extra earbud and popping it into your ear, “I wanna hear the song you played during the hovercraft incident. I was kinda disappointed when it got cut off so abruptly.”

“Man, you really like torturing me, don’t cha?” Pickles chuckles cynically before pressing play, “I don’t blame ya, we worked hard on that one.”

You spent the rest of the evening, with a break for dinner, discussing the songs Pickles had shown you, and getting to know more about Pickles’ life with Dethklok, laughing yourself to tears at all the ridiculous stories he shared.

“So ya got a favorite Dethklok member?” Pickles teases as you two walk towards your room. You think over his question before shrugging your shoulders, “I mean you’re my favorite Dethklok member that I’ve met.”

“I’m the only Dethklok member you’ve met.” Pickles says in a deadpan voice and you giggle, “Well, I guess I’ll have an answer for you when I meet all of them.”

“Oh, that’s such a cop out and you know it.” Pickles groans as you arrive at your door.

“Too bad, that’s my answer for now! Though Toki is kinda cute.” You admit, grinning widely at Pickles’ offended reaction. “Alright, I’m gonna knock out, better see you in group tomorrow!”

You give Pickles one last wave and smile before disappearing behind your door. The drummer chuckles as he shakes his head, making the walk back to his room.

He quickly strips out of his clothes, ready to pass out, standing in just his tighty-whities. Since he had only packed a few pairs of clothes, Pickles had been rotating out most of black tanks, giving it a good old sniff test to see if it would be good for the next day.

He freezes as the scent of your perfume fills his nostrils, forgetting that he had doused himself in it earlier in the day to drown out the cigarette smell. His body feels warm from just your scent, imagining burying his head into your neck as he fucks you. Pickles looks down, groaning at the sight of a sizable bulge having formed in his briefs.

“Ah fuck.” 

[ms-moonlight-inn]

Joy List

Got tagged my @mybrainismelted to serve up a few of my recent joys. Let's see, where do I begin?

🤩 Joyfully enjoying the new seedling I got today from one of my local FB groups. Along with 7+ random alocasia corms, she gave me a rooted philodendron summer glory, & a philodendron pink princess that I get to rehab back to health. This alone is enough to fill me with joy for weeks!

🤩 I have learned something VERY IMPORTANT about men's abs! Look!

So, if you (like sometimes me) have found yourself writing about Ian's abs vs Mickey's abs vs Lip's abs, guess what? All three of them have the distinct muscle structure talked about in these articles & Mickey/Noel actually has Schwarzenegger's 4-pack structure & now I feel like this SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN IN CANON, goddamnit. 😤

🤩 I got my Gallavich dolls today in the mail & I am over the motherfucking moon over it! A huge shoutout to @gallavichgeek for helping to make dreams come true. <3

🤩 Also, @notherenewjersey is a lovely human being. That needs to be said often & much.

🤩 I currently have the entire first floor to myself. :-)

***

OK, I'm going to tag a few people. @lingy910y, @sweetbee78, @francesrose3, with no pressure to play, as always.

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

This is for the @goodboylupin candy hearts challenge!

My prompt was hot dawg and this is weirdly experimental (Remus is a radio host and it’s told entirely through dialogue.)

CW: Vague mentions of past child abuse, mentions of addiction/overdose (nobody died.)

“…know I mostly play oldies, and you lot have gotten used to me going on about my mum’s record player, but they just mean a lot to me, alright? Also, I’m the one who’s payed to be here, so I get to decide. So don’t judge me for playing another-

oh, uh…

Sorry, lost my train of thought.

Anyway, um, here’s an older song, I guess.

… “

Hot dog.

Well, I just got into town today…

“What are you doing here, Sirius?”

“Led Zeppelin, huh? You played this a lot when we were younger. I still think he talks weirdly. No, really, whenever he says hot dog, it sounds like he’s saying ‘hot dawg.’”

“As you’ve so gracefully pointed out millions of times before, and I still think you need to get your ears checked.

What do you want?”

“I- to apologise.”

“…what if I don’t want you to?”

“Tell me to leave and I will, Moony. It’s your decision.”

“…”

She locked up my heart in her bottom drawer…

“I didn’t want to interrupt your show, so I’m sorry for that, first, I guess. I was just- I was worried that if I didn’t do this now, I wouldn’t get another chance to.

And I really fucking want to.

I haven’t-

I didn’t-

I don’t know where to start.”

“Maybe start by telling me why the hell you started saying that this, that we were a mistake?

That- that fucking killed me, Sirius.”

She took my love and walked right out the door…

“I didn’t mean we were a mistake, I just…

Regulus overdosed.”

“What?”

“Andy told me while you were out, and I panicked. It made me remember how- how fucked up our family is. How fucked up I am, and you- you don’t deserve that.”

“Padfoot…”

“But I was being an arsehole when I said what I said. You didn’t deserve to be spoken to that way, and I- I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Are you okay?”

But they said heaven is well worth waiting for…

“What?”

“Your brother, is everything okay?”

“He’s alive.

In rehab, again.

I guess I just- I feel like I failed him. Like I abandoned him.

I left him there, Rem, this is all my fault.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.

None of this is your fault.

Please don’t cry.

Come here, dickhead.”

“Sorry.”

“I know.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

She took my love and walked right out the door…

“Moony.”

“Mhm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Padfoot.”

“But I-“

“Stop, no. You’re not tearing yourself down, not when you’re perfect to me.

I know you don’t believe me. I’ll just keep telling you until you believe it, y’know.

You had so much to deal with when you were 16, love. It wasn’t your responsibility, and you almost died. You had to leave, you know you did.”

“So you…?”

“Water under the bridge.

You and me, Padfoot.

Until the end of time.”

They just rolled my doll right out the door!

[commenter2]

“Unhappy Campers” review

Blitzo and co. go on a job at Earth, and WE GET A MILLIE EPISODE!!! 

It’s been forever since we saw I.M.P. on Earth doing their job, so it’s nice to see them back at it. Hopefully we can get more Earth based episodes soon. We still need to find out what happened to Cletus, Keenie, and Collin.

Is Blitzo going to see Stolas?

Is the nurse’s appearance supposed to be a Nabnab/Nabnaleena reference?

Blitzo is trying to see his sister! Makes sense why he is in Sloth since we did hear from Verosika that she was in rehab.

Hell’s equivalent to Google is called Gaggle.

Though I’m sure they were like job representatives or people at places Barbie use to work at, I wonder if there is still a chance the people Blitzo was talking to on his phones were “friends”/informants of his.

Now we get to the scene everyone wants to see. Though funny I wished there was a scene explaining that Moxxie had no choice and had to wear the female disguise as I have this headcanon that Millie usually doesn’t get along with other girls to a point said girls end up in the hospital, hence why Moxxie had to fill in the role while Millie talked to the boys.

Aww Millie is such a great wife, though it would have been nice to see her assertive side when it comes to the job.

Finally someone points out the gang’s demonic traits.

Oh no that kid got Yamcha to death. TWICE!

MILLIE SONG!!!

Ugh that Spongebob meme face.

Where can I get a Millie flag?

I love how the song’s subtitles can’t keep up with what the background characters are saying and how it also seems to love Millerd.

I wonder if that shark is a cousin of the shark from season 1 :3

It’s nice to see that though they are a perfect couple, Moxxie and Millie do have arguments. I also like to think Millie’s speech is slightly symbolic of how usually she is kind of in the background and doesn’t have that many moments compared to the things Blitzo, Moxxie, and even Stolas have gone through. Yes I know about Vivzie saying HB is guy character centered while HH will be lady character centered but I still wanted to point it out.

The Asmodeon Crystal in action! And of course since its related to the demon of lust, the first one we actually see is inappropriate.

Wouldn’t saying a demon having the “voice of an angel” be insulting? Maybe its ones of the few things related to heaven that is okay/tolerated in demon society like when Blitzo said Oh God in annoyance. I defiantly could see Lucifer describing Lilith and Charlie like this.

The writers missed out on the perfect chance for Blitzo to say that he didn’t want Moxxie to stop ridding him XD. I mean that scene must have been a dream come true for Blitzo.

I know it’s to hide her horns, but Barbie’s human hair looks like something Velvette would stylize her hair as.

Since Blitzo just said that things like Heroin isn’t as dangerous to demons, I’m guessing that H-8 thing he said a drug that IS deadly for demons.

Barbie just said it’s easy to manipulate humans, so why would losing him be that bad? Is she just lazy?

I just noticed how Barbie has a similar head tattoo as Blitzo, but it’s crossed out.

IDK if it’s just me, but I feel like Moxxie is fighting better here.

In the scene where Millie is crowd surfing, is the girl in the purple dress with ponytail girl a reference to the Baby Doll villain from Batman: The Animated Series?

Nice to see Moxxie and Millie make up, but did they have to mentally scar the whole camp XD. Heck even the episode’s subtitles are trying to help with that.

Katie Killjoy reference, would be hilarious if they were somehow connected

Human television can be watched in Hell! Awesome, and explains how that Looney Tune episode in the HH pilot was available for sinners to watch.

Sleeping Loona!

Did anyone notice any Friday the 13th or Gravity Fall references in the episode? I feel like the caps the campers could be but still.

Well that was another nice casual episode, especially since it was a Millie episode. After all this time it was nice seeing our favorite Imp lady get some focus, and since Sallie Mae is coming back soon hopefully we can get another one exploring her life before she met Moxxie.

I also like how though Blitzo had to be in the episode he did his own thing for most of the episode that didn’t involve the others being close by, something I have brought up before in previous episodes. It’s also nice that we got a hint at his relationship with Barbie, sure some might say she deserved more screen time but at least we got a basic understanding of what could have happened, and I bet we will get more on it in the Fizz and Blitzo flashback episode.

The only flaw the episodes had was how dumb and selfish Moxxie was in the episode. Sure the episode needed something like this to happen so Millie can get her screen time and for the conflict between them to happen, but I don’t see why the writers couldn’t have done this while still having Moxxie gather info to find the culprit like he wanted. Maybe it would have made the plot stronger as Moxxie would have also been annoyed that Millie hasn’t gathered any info from the campers and it was just lucky that he was able to narrow down the possible culprits.

We are almost halfway done with season 2, and it’s likely the next 2 episodes will heavily be centered on Fizz and his past with Blitzo. I think the next episode will be the one where Fizz and Ozzie perform in the Greed Ring, only for something to happen that is followed up in the flashback episode about the day Fizz and Blitzo stopped being friends, again maybe we find out why Barbie hates Blitzo in it as well.

As always I want your thoughts on the episode.

[iloveutoodeath]

hiii for the ask thingy ☺️ 1, 4, 8, 15, 16, 21, 23, 27, 28; 30

omg sorry i totally forgot i reblogged the ask game a while back 😓 hehe.. thank you for sending these!!! this got long so i added a read more lmao

1 -3 things you wish for- that i stop procrastinating the projects i wanna work on, that i can find a better job than my current one sometime this year, that my dogs could have the same lifespan as me

4 -3 topics you’d love to learn more about- well currently i’ve been reading all about numerology and i rly want to learn more and more about it lmao. and cinema in general has been a current obsession for the past couple years for me, i didn’t watch movies much when i was younger but now i just really really love to watch a movie, then look up and read ppl’s thoughts about it, and any stories about the making of process whether it’s about the costuming, special effects, filming process, or writing process, read up on the subject matter whether it’s based on a book or a historical setting, or reading about any actors that stood out to me.. idk just like anything that peaked my interest or curiosity while watching the film, anything to have a more firm and in depth grasp about the story and the people who worked on it. i especially love to read about silent films!!! but yea it’s a very fun process and there’s always more movies to watch amd learn about!! and i guess the third topic i want to learn more about is doll making lmao

8 -3 tv shows you never get bored of- tbh for this i’m gonna answer with some of my favorite animes bc that’s what i have a tendency to rewatch the most lmao: mob psycho 100, cowboy bebop, death note

15 -3 quotes that have a special place in your life- sorry the only thing that’s coming to mind is “ask me if i give a motherfuck ?!!” -zayn malik

16 -3 drinks youconsume the most- omg definitely water, matcha lattes/milk teas w boba/smoothies (i consider those basically the same drink but with varying degrees of frozenness lmao), and mint tea. i wanna give a special shout out to any mango flavored drinks tho, which given the opportunity i will always gravitate to but like this is too broad a category to fairly consider it my most consumed drink u know?.. lmao ♥︎

21 -3 things you’re passionate about- i’ve always been and always will be obsessed with self expression and the infinite ways that can manifest through a person, but for me personally the 3 expressions that fill me with the most love, inspiration, and passion are fashion, home decor, and the creation and curation of art(visual art, music, film, etc).

23 -3 songs you listen to while cleaning- brand new start- little joy, rehab- amy winehouse, when i was your man- bruno mars (i don’t rly listen to him lmao but this song is imprinted in my brain bc it would often play on the radio at closing at my first job and idk something about sweeping an empty fast food restaurant after hours while this song played felt so right)

27 -3 thing you wish you did more often- travel, go out with friends more, go to more concerts

28 -3 things you love cooking/baking- omg my current favorite dish to make is.. well i don’t have a name for it but it’s like fried/sauteed diced potatoes and i usually improvise it depending on what i have in my fridge to go with it and what flavor i’m craving. so it pretty much always includes potato, onion, and tomato, but it can also have mushrooms, eggs, any plant based protein (my faves are soy chorizo, those like…. vegan chicken strips idk what they’re actually called, or just chopped up veggie patties), peas, lentils, etc. and it can be seasoned pretty much any way but my faves are a tomato based sauce or something like butter and garlic. lmao idk it’s rly good and highly customizable. oh and i guess my other fave dishes to make are ramen (again super customizable) and a frittata or quiche if i’m feeling more ambitious and have the time :-))))!!!!!!!!!

30 -3 moments you’ll never forget- when my sister and i were teenagers we were once reenacting the helena music video and my sister was doing the helena ghost dance and at the end she let herself fall back onto the couch and the couch literally broke lmaoooooooo, like the wooden beam that was holding up the seat cushions literally snapped in two rip she didn’t get hurt or anything and i literally can’t listen to this song without hearing the loud crack of the wood in my head and dying of laughter. also when my childhood dog (a small little white poodle) jumped onto the dinner table and gobbled up a whole block of cheese in the 5 seconds my family and i looked away to look at a bird that was outside our window lmaoo, AND OF COURSE the absolute hysteria of the beginning my mcr show where gerard walked out wearing the cheerleader dress and holding the blowtorch!!!!!!

[v5hadow]

WIP Wednesday

Royal Strikers: Chapter 1 Scene 2.3

haha.... Not where I wanted to be when I posted this, as the end still has a (need to write this here) thing still and definitely needs a little smoothing, dialogue tagging, action, etc. especially towards the end. but man it's close enough after most of a month for an initial post. I'm already guessing next week is either a filler-ish bit or the next section of Futaba's Lost and Found Services since the ending of the next major scene eludes me and has for a little while. And today one of my tarot deck also was a snarky little thing about this story it seems. Like needed sass, but that isn't the deck to do that normally.

Yuuki looked up and behind him to look at Akira as he said, “And well, Akira’s here and is supposed to be hanging out with his friends all summer. What are his parents going to care if he, and by extension Morgana, is in Tokyo or Kyoto or wherever?”

Akira took a deep breath in. “That’s… true.” 

“Can confirm, they did literally say ‘have fun in Tokyo or whatever.’” Morgana tried teasing between purrs.

“Soooo. What is your mom going to say about a few weeks of skipping rehab?” Ann asked as she toyed with the small knitted doll of a red cat.

“Mom seemed fine if my docs were,” Ryuji answered while waving his hand. “And I already promised my docs I’ll be doing the exercises I can outside of their offices and to not overdo it.”

Makoto added the question of “What about grades or money?”

Ryuji looked at Makoto seemingly confused on the question but responded, “Eh, I can likely still do so? Mom’s normally pretty good about most things involving me and school, and she’s never really questioned too much about money?”

“Just using Aki and-“ Yuuki started before stopping as he got squeezed by Akira with the arm around his waist. He flusterly continued, “Nii…Makoto’s presence in the group should help you.” 

Ryuji leaned back into his chair, about to tilt onto two of its legs. “You all are way too worried for no reason.” 

“And you two don’t have to be so attached right now.” The grumbling from Morgana caused the two to shift, Yuuki slightly away, only to keep a grip on Akira’s hand. Akira near immediately adjusted to use his partner’s shoulder as a pillow and finished with sticking his tongue out at the cat-like monster .

As the boys moved, Futaba gave an especially rough pat as she told him, “You have no room to talk, Morgana.”

Haru hid a little laugh before telling the protesting creature “Mona-chan, you’ve been getting pets from Taba-chan and I since we came up here.”

“He’s just jealous about not getting much attention from Lady Ann in comparison to her omiyage,”Akira quipped. 

Ann gave an exaggerated sigh, though still smiling as she stated, “If he wants pets, all he has to do is ask.” Morgana very quickly left his space with Futaba to twirl around Ann’s legs before eventually ending up in her lap getting more pets.

“Frankly Mishima, I'm surprised you aren’t the most free since Akira is here.” Yusuke said as he closed his sketchbook.

With a slight wince, Yuuki explained, “I have a summer job my parents insisted I get. Otherwise yeah, I probably would be.”

Haru quietly asked, “Do you think they made you get a job to keep you away from Akira?” “I’ve met them and yeah totally possible.” Ann’s voice held a fiery dislike. 

“Agreed.” Ryuji also not looking especially happy. 

“Maybe, I don't know. I think they think I’m getting up to something scandalous since I stopped being volleyball captain a few weeks ago.” Yuuki received a few sympathetic glances and a squeeze of his hand. 

“Remind me how that happened again? The becoming captain bit.” Ryuji asked.

“Dr. Maruki.” Yuuki quickly interjected before anyone else could answer. 

“More like all the team recognizing him as the one who did the most after Shiho jumped to correct things. It happens to be close timing though.” Ann insisted.

Makoto backed Ann’s statement up with the fact, “You wouldn’t have still been captain if it was just Maruki’s doing, Yuuki-kun.”

“I didn’t do that much! I barely apologized to everyone I hurt because of Kam-him. And I’m still pretty bad at volleyball.” Yuuki curled a bit into himself, breaking Akira’s hold on his hand while doing so.

“You are good at making sure tasks get done without hounding people about it and just generally organized.” Futaba listed off.

Akira scooted Yuuki back over to hug him as he said, “You looked pretty good whenever we caught your practices.” 

A small raise in Yuuki’s mood began as he denied their claims.“You are very biased.”

“And you have that one video I saw!” Haru tried her hand at arguing the point of Yuuki’s skill.

“Star player of the match of several games during the spring, apparently.” Makoto agreed.

“Between you and Sumi, at least I’m not the only sports person!” Ryuji raised his fist for a bump.

“You all have way too much confidence in me.” Ryuji started to lower his hand which brought with it his mood. Yuuki rolled his eyes before finishing the fist bump before Ryuji could finish pulling his hand away. He then said, “I still can’t believe, of all the things that happened around New Years, that’s the thing that stuck.”

“I find it refreshing that you have the everyday recognition of what you’ve done. Most things the rest of us have done ebb and flow with our popularity. Even worse as a group.” Yusuke spoke up.

Yuuki sighed before reminding everyone, “On the note of everyday and thieves, I’ll also have more moderating to do too on the Phan-site due to everyone ELSE being off for summer too. It’s quieter, especially compared to last year, but not something I can completely ignore.”

“Hey, you’ve got a team to help with that!” Futaba loudly announced while pointing at Yuuki. She looked around the room before shrugging as she continued, “Not that anyone here but me is really gonna help with it. But Chihiro-san and Midorikawa would be very disappointed.”

“Aww, Yuuki, you sure can’t put it down for yet another vacation for us?” Akira teased while pulling Yuuki even closer again.

The smaller boy pulled a little away before smiling at his boyfriend. “I’m sure, but I’ll definitely be trying to keep it down.” “Though holidays never seem to work out in our favor.” 

“Yeah, Christmas Eve sucked from every direction.” Ryuji nodded along.

Futaba agreed, “The site’s backlash didn’t help and beyond then things got weird.” 

Ann added, “Everything third semester was weird.” 

“Agreed.” Haru nodded. 

“Golden Week I know was pretty rough for you, Akira.” Makoto sympathized.

Akira shook his head as he said, “My hometown is pretty weird every so often at that time of year, but was thinking Hawaii.” 

“Wow, do you guys have shit luck.” Ryuji joked.

Yuuki grumbled out, “We weren’t even-“

Ryuji cut off his friend, saying, “Yeah, yeah we know you were sorting your head back together after your boyfriend talked to your Shadow.”

Yusuke attempted to correct, “Ryuji, I believe he was referring to you and Ann having to bunk the night in their room.”

“Oh, I thought you were going to say something about when Ryuji dragged the three of you to hit on girls.” Ann added.

Yuuki practically squeaked out, “When do you all think we got together?!” He then fairly quickly covered his mouth and cheeks with his hands.

A cacophony of answers, most seeming to indicate last summer. 

Haru was the last to answer, stating, “Oh I thought it was right before you all met me, while I had Morgana.”

Said cat laughed as he lept on to the table. “Closer but nope, it was while Akira was in hiding.” 

“What do you mean December?” Ryuji shouted. 

Futaba rolled her eyes as she corrected, “It was November.”

“How, how are Morgana and Futaba the only ones even close on that?” 

“Did Akira ever tell us?” Makoto questioned the rest of the group.

“He literally told you all to leave right before their first date!” Mongana defended.

“Seriously, Aki.” Yuuki muttered as he buried his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Ryuji defended his assumptions, “I thought he meant their first since he didn’t die!”

“Same!” Ann seemed to express for most of the rest of the group.

“The only time they almost went on a date before November got almost immediately crashed by Shinya.” Futaba almost cackled from her spot by the window.

Ryuji rubbed the back of his head as said, “Felt like I’d run into those two near Takeshita Street almost every time I was at Harajuku last year.”

“I thought the planetarium… No, nevermind.” Makoto shook her head. 

Morgana rolled his eyes, before explaining, “Yuuki always had a Phan-site excuse, right?” A round of agreement from everyone. “And you all would join and neither ever argued?” 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Ryuji narrowed his eyes

 “Not much, just all of you, including Sumire-chan and Akechi, had more successful potential dates than the lovebirds?”   

Neither of the boyfriend pair paid much attention once Morgana took control of the conversation. Instead Akira focused on reassuring his partner. “What, if anything it’s funny they think we were dating for longer than we have been.” Akira shrugged, mostly with the shoulder the smaller boy wasn’t on. “That’s a lot of almost dates they can think of honestly.”

“It's not really funny, it's more-” The alarm of a phone rang out in the middle of his sentence. Yuuki finished his sentence as he fished his phone out of his pocket as he stood up, “Frustrating.” 

“And embarrassing?” Akira softened as he asked.

“A little?” Yuuki then raised his voice back to something the entire room could hear as he shut off the alarm, saying, “And unfortunately, that alarm was my signal that I have to head out.”

Ryuji patted his friend’s arm as he confirmed, “Junes, yeah?” He got a confused nod but definitely didn’t stop a smile from starting to come back.

Both boys sitting on the crate bench were up and approaching the stairs.

“Good luck!” Makoto offered.

“Take no prisoners!” Haru playfully encouraged.

Futaba leaned back, taking up more of the ledge. “We’ll likely just shoot the breeze until dinner, so don’t worry.”

Yusuke took that moment to interject, “In that case, let us speak of modern art and-

“Anything but that. Hey Yuuki, I'll join you!”

“You want to potentially end up in front of a grill?”

“Yeah, nope. See ya.”

“At least it isn’t the bear mascot costume.” Akira’s jovial mood spread confusion across almost all the teens.

Makoto expressed her disbelief with a “But the mascot isn’t a bear?” 

“Where in Japan do they have a bear mascot?” Haru tilted her head to the side. 

“No idea but apparently Inaba. But I need to go before I miss my train.”

“Bye, Yuuki!” Ann smiled and shot a fast directing glance at Akira before returning to the departing Thief, who took a deep breath. She then quickly tried to bring the focus on to herself and a modeling gig she did in a Junes a few months ago.

“We’ll talk more tonight?” Akira softly asked.

“Definitely.”

“Stay here?”

“Of course. All you had to do is ask.”

(insert yuuki kissing corner of akira’s mouth, Akira fully on lips) 

“Stealing kisses now?”

“Only yours”

Akira was slow to tune back to the world around him as he sat back down. The group had moved on to listening to a story of Yusuke getting cheap vegetables but was swiftly interrupted by Ryuji asking their leader, “Your hometown for real has a Junes with a bear mascot?”

[the-badger-mole]

Exactly this. I particularly hate this argument because it puts the onus on Zuko to atone for Azula's sins. Azula did what she did, and she had no remorse. I know that people take that scene from The Beach as a sign that she did actually care about Zuko and feel bad, but her actions before and after say otherwise. Zuko did nothing to her to deserve that treatment. If he was defensive and closed off around her, well, can you blame him? Azula was a monster to him. Yes, she was a victim of Ozai's abuse, but she was also a monster. It's not fair to expect Zuko to shoulder the burden of rehabilitating her. Especially since she doesn't seem all that interested in rehabilitation (they tried to make me go to rehab...). The thing is, Zuko would try. He would absolutely be Azula's rock if she truly wanted to change. But the desire to change- and the hard work of actually changing- has to come from Azula.

No one in the show owes Azula anything. I see people arguing that Iroh failed her, too, and I don't understand how. His big crime against her was sending her a doll that one time. He didn't know her that well, and he made a bad guess based on limited information. If he was closer to Zuko than her, well that's not his fault. I'm sure he would've loved a relationship with Azula, but I'm equally sure he wouldn't force it on her either. He wasn't her father, and it wasn't his place to make her be a nicer person against her inclination and Ozai's will. At the point that the show has ended, she's made several attempts on Zuko's life, and she tried, and very nearly succeeded in killing Iroh. People want to blame Iroh for not helping her, but what could he possibly have done for her?

Just saw the craziest take. Zuko's redemption arc will be incomplete til he helps his sister heal and he let's go of the sibling rivalry Ozai created. What? Am I missing something? He needs to help his abuser heal?

It's not just the idea that he needs to help his abuser heal that is bad. This idea fails on its very premise. Not to mention that Zuko learning that he did not have to play nice with abusive people or listen to them was a big part of his redemption arc. Which includes Azula because there was that whole thing where he almost joined the gaang in Ba Sing Se until Azula convinced him to join with her, and the climax of his arc was rejecting and atoning for that choice and then defeating Azula in battle in combination with Katara, in a perfect reversal of his choosing Azula over Katara at the end of book 2. Saying NO to Azula was a large part of Zuko's redemption arc.

But the main reason why this take is wrong is that Zuko ALREADY let go of the "sibling rivalry." Which wasn't a sibling rivalry to begin with, because Zuko was never a rival to Azula, he was her Ozai-approved punching bag. Him standing up to her and defeating her was rejecting what Ozai created, which was not a sibling rivalry but a golden child/scapegoat dynamic where Zuko was the scapegoat. Zuko refusing to BE the scapegoat any longer IS letting it go.

Zuko let it go when he told Ozai that Azula lied to him about the Avatar's death. He let it go when he told Ozai that he didn't care about his approval anymore, and therefore has no reason to seek it either from Azula or by fighting her. He doesn't fear being Ozai's scapegoat anymore and he's not cowed by Azula's threats. He chooses to walk away.

And like, I know I keep saying this but I can't stress it enough. What Zuko does in walking away is the thing that abusers fear the most. Believing that you are responsible for "healing" an abusive person is what a lot of abusive people want, because it's another way for them to control the relationship and the narrative. Walking away from an abusive relationship is always a valid choice, and sometimes it's a necessary choice. And sometimes that's what letting go looks like.

And that's sad, but it was never Zuko who couldn't let it go. It's also not Zuko who continues to hold on to it, who challenges his sibling to an agni kai and says it was "always meant to be" even after the other person has chosen to walk away. Zuko left, remember? Azula was the one who came after him in "The Southern Raiders" with the intent to kill him because she couldn't let him walk away and live. Azula is the one who won't back down from a fight and says it was "the showdown that was always meant to be." Zuko came back to face her because he wanted to save the world. Azula is the one who holds onto a personal grudge. Azula is the one who cheats when she realizes she can't win. Azula is the one who almost kills her brother and laughs while he is dying. (Do NOT talk to me about Zuko's expression while she is tied to a grate when Azula had THAT expression after she had struck her brother with lightning.)

Azula is the one who, in the comics, continues to hold onto her hatred, continues to justify Ozai's abusiveness, and rejects Zuko's attempts to reach out to her every single time. Azula is the one who used Zuko's offer of dignity to weasel herself into a position where she could keep their mother's letter from him and force Zuko to take her along and put them all in danger. If anything, I'd say that Zuko's mistake in that comic was believing that she would be helpful to him in the first place and that she wouldn't try to take advantage of him. But the fact that he does continue to try to be kind to her shows how much he has risen above what his family tried to do to him. But he also has every right to be angry at her and distance himself from her completely. Just because he's still hurting doesn't mean he hasn't healed. And Zuko's abusers aren't the ones who get to be the measure of whether he has healed. Especially when they keep trying to hurt him.

I find it interesting that Azula is the one who keeps holding onto the idea that she is Ozai's golden child, and yet I've never, ever, ever seen it suggested that Azula should let it go, even when Zuko has risen above it and Ozai has rejected her. Even while Azula's reluctance to let go of this destructive mindset continues to hurt her as well as those around her. That's what Azula's mother tried to tell her in the mirror at the end of ATLA, that's what Zuko tried to tell her at the end of the "Search," and why she wept when he did. It's also why Ursa offered Azula an apology even when she didn't remember her, because she could see that Azula was holding onto this thing so tenaciously. Azula's mind has been telling her this whole time that she needs to let it go, but she can't. And that's a tragedy, but it's not one that Zuko is responsible for or had any hand in making.

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

.....wouldn't trade it for the relative safety of this arrangement but I don't like how I can't test his trust for me anymore.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Let’s Go Back to the Beginning

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.7k

Warnings: overstimulation torture, angst, mind control, mind wiping, abuse, trauma, winter solider trauma-type, being beaten down and broken to nothing

Request by anon: May i have a guess on vixens life pre hydra? Do you think she was a daughter of a dress maker and a father that is an architect from the past who show their little girl skills she can use when shes older from sketching , sewing and couple more . If they passed away in an untimely event (events in 1939) she though she was safe in central europe while carrying some clothing , sketchbook and has a place when she moved to the netherlands but she ended up in germany where everything is tight while she is working with a local tailor/dress making shop where some point in the early fortes walking home first hydra spies took her to do experiments then the torture and few more with the gasslight method . She meets bucky first as bucky when in catfa before rescued from the factory . Vixen was the guard for buck , he did charm her but they only talk Buck:how about untying me doll Vixen*shakes head*thats not my orders sargent. Id love too but i cant The time she "met"cap was in a fight on the plane schmidt was on and she dawned a full covered suit even face was masked while also controled by hydra a starter trial of brain wash comand that buck will have soon . The fight ended with vixen being plumbed off the plane during take off . Meeting bucky as winter soildier he was curious at first after the program installed in him . Vixens handler comands her to attack as winter soildiers handler mentions "this is the star of your training...." Few years on and these two are a deadly pair time and time vixen off their control and fails to be memory wipped remembers it all as it haunts her while the bad guys found out the type of serum shes in vixen can never age, body injuries heal (ex: someone punches her and jaw disproportion it snaps back quick to original position) agility, strength etc . Some of the male agents find it hot the original guys even plucked a lady like her , they tried to take advantage of her till she snaps and can kill many agents that surounded her . The scientists even zola amused of this stealth version . More experiments and extractions to make many like her failed she laughs at how they cant even make another they want to hit her but she has a point till zola puts her in a type of chamber and the only torture they have specificly for the super soildiers next to physical beatings is "sensory overload" its painful to thoes with enhanced/sensitive sences the manner of its procdure is diffrent from the mind wipe that bucky is put under. Times they are awake long and kept hidden they share a cell no matter how many times winters head got mushed . When she first escapes she went to asia second in another place . Final escape that hydra didnt get her to beat her up was a year after winter is with steve undergoing rehab which also lead to hydras downfall . Hiding in various places . Sketchbook +pen/pencil at hand with some jobs here and there to help herself she temporarily settled in a place where she isnt hunted to be "their" weapon .

Summary: Your life before the storm. Your life before you were known as Vixen. You were fine. You had a family. HYDRA took you and broken you down into something they wanted. This is your fight, and this is your story.

Squares Filled: unwilling mission partners (2021) for @avengersbingo

Part One: Cat and Mouse Part Two: Femme Fatale Part Three: I Can Do This All Day Part Four: Worth Celebrating

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

The slabs of fabric are heavy in your arms, but you carry them back to your mom’s shop with a smile on your face. Today, she’s teaching you how to sew sleeves onto a bodice. She is a very well-known dressmaker that everyone goes to in your small town. She has orders for days, but she takes her time to make sure each order is as best as it can be.

Your dad is an architect that also gets a lot of business. He gets to travel all around Europe and explore different parts of the country, sometimes going outside of it for business. No matter where he goes, he always manages to come back with beautiful pictures and amazing stories.

Drawing and sewing is one of your passions, so you’d always draw the pictures your dad brings home and hang them up everywhere inside your home. You’ve sold a few of them to friends and family but you’re far from being the renowned artist that everyone wants.

In the meantime, you’re working in your mom’s shop and learning to make clothes.

“Mama, I’m here,” you call out when you enter the store.

“Baby, you carried all of that?”

“It’s no big deal. I got everything you needed.” Your mom takes the fabrics from you and sets them down with the others. “Did you finish?”

“Yes, do you want to see it?”

“Of course,” you grin.

She takes you to the back where the beautiful dress she just finished hangs from the door. You’re in awe at how seamless this looks. This is the last beautiful thing you saw before tragedy struck.

The war happened.

The Germans invaded Europe, and your parents suffered because of it. Your mom’s little shop was the setting for something horrific, and both your parents died in the crossfire. The only thing you were able to salvage was a handful of fabrics, your sketchbooks and some pens, and the dress your mother made before this happened.

You were forced out of your own country, and you fled to Germany hoping it would be better than the life you had in Europe. Everything became dull after that--dull colors, dull environment, and a dull life.

You did your best to keep your head down and focus on your art, and you even got a job at a dressmaking store that was on the verge of closing. Who you were before is so far from where you are, that you miss the woman you used to be. Now, you’re shyt to the point where you can’t talk to others without wanting to cry. Now, your confidence and self-esteem is barely above ground level.

Now, you wish you had died in the bomb that destroyed your mother’s shop.

The war still goes on, but Germany is more focused on invading other countries that they tend not to make their own a war field. You thought you were going to be safe from any more pain and destruction.

You were wrong.

HYDRA took this time as an opportunity to recruit people for their own secret projects while the Germans were busy fighting so that no one would look their way. They went around and took people from their homes, and you just so happened to be one of them. You never saw them coming. One day you were walking from your home to the store, and the next, you were waking up in a lab.

That was the first of many painful nights with HYDRA.

After months of being beaten into shape and torn down to pieces, were you able to be let off your leash a bit. HYDRA saw a scared young woman and decided to make her a killer--a deadly weapon for their pleasure. HYDRA never stopped gathering people, not even as soldiers fought in Germany--American soldiers.

The one person that stood out to them was Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th. They saw his potential, and you were assigned to guard him while he was being kept at their facility. The other men he was with are away from this sector since James was being experimented on for HYDRA’s purpose.

Your job was to guard his body and to stand by for further instructions.

“Come on, doll, let me go.”

You’re still very new to HYDRA’s brainwashing, so the old you is still trying to claw her way to the surface, but you know if you disobey Schmidt, you’ll suffer more than you ever have. The one thing you learned very quickly is not to interfere with their plans.

If you do as you’re told, you’ll survive with minimal damage.

“I’d love to, James,” you whisper, “but those aren’t my orders.”

Your orders were to keep him in here and not let him go, but things always don’t go to plan. You planned for an attack, but you never planned for Captain Steve Rogers to come rescue him. He put up a good fight, and since you’re still in your training days, he beat your ass.

When Schmidt found out, he was pissed, but he still let you go after Steve to kill him. After a week of beating you back into shape, were you ready to fight Steve.

Schmidt brought you on the plane he was going to use to bomb the United States using the Tesseract--the same plane Steve hijacked. Schmidt takes out the red notebook that is the source of your nightmares, and says the twelve words you hate hearing. The twelve simple words in Russian that rewire your brain into the mindless killing machine he made you out to be.

“Go. Take care of him,” Schmidt ordered.

You take out two very long daggers and leave the main room to search for the super soldier. The mask you’re wearing is black and covers most of your face except for your eyes. It matches your skin-tight suit that allows you to be flexible and agile, something that you’re very good at using.

You search the plane and find Steve trying to be stealthy. Red fills your vision, and you charge at him with the daggers, but he blocks your attempt with his shield. You kick the shield and use the momentum to do a backflip so you’re on your feet again. With both daggers in your hands, you swipe at the skin you can see, but he knocks one out of your hand with the shield.

All you’ve been training with are other humans and test dummies, so fighting an actual super soldier is a bit harder whether you’re in death mode or not. Steve manages to get the upper hand on you, and pushes the button that opens the back of the plane where people can offload things.

Due to the extreme wind, you lose your footing, and Steve kicks you in the stomach which causes you to fly out the back of the plane.

That’s the last time you saw Steve for over seventy years. The plane crashed, and everyone thought he died. Schmidt was taken somewhere else thanks to the Tesseract, and that fell into the ocean, never to be seen again. The serum in your body allowed you to survive the freezing temperatures until HYDRA eventually found you.

There, you learned they found Bucky without an arm, but they provided him with a vibranium one that they stole from Wakanda. It was then that they decided to kickstart the Winter Soldier program, to manipulate him like how they manipulated you. To turn him into a deadly assassin for their gain.

One bulky Winter Soldier and a flexible Vixen to do their bidding.

You helped train Bucky, you helped destroy his mind, and you eventually became his insufferable partner. At first, you dreaded working with him since all you’ve done with him was train, however, that changed really quick.

You two became the deadliest couple to ever walk the Earth, and if HYDRA sent both of you out together, then there would be no survivors.

“Mission report,” Zemo asks when you two get back from your mission.

“No survivors. Mission complete,” you say in almost a trance.

“Good. Follow me.”

You and Bucky are taken to the room where they perform your memory wipe so that when you revert back to your normal selves, you won’t remember what you did. It’s safer that way, Zemo often claims. You and Bucky are set up to the machines, and you look over at him. He is shirtless, so you can see where his metal arm meets his skin. He doesn’t look too good, and you know that he is being skinned from the inside out, but you can’t do anything about that.

You’re set up with the same machine, and the process begins. Electricity flows through your brain, and both you and Bucky bite down on the belt they forced into your mouths. You scream and would cry if you weren't so focused on not dying. The serum they gave you and Bucky helps with the pain tolerance, so people like you can take more than a normal human.

As soon as the process is done, you’re taken back to your cell where you cry yourself to sleep. You’re free from their mind games for right now, but you remember everything you did. You remember every kill, every person who ran from you in fear, and how Bucky did the exact same thing.

The memory wipe did not work, and you silently cry for the person you wish to be.

This isn’t the person you’re supposed to be. You’re supposed to be kind, loving, and to want to help others, not broken, stripped down, and a killer. You don’t know who to be, and you don’t know how to escape the torture they put you through.

One day, you’ll get to leave, but that day is looking too far ahead to even matter.

This serum turned you into a whole new person. You don’t age anymore, your injuries heal instantly, you’re very stealthy, you have incredible agility and strength, and you’re everything that a superhero has… yet, you’re not the hero.

You’re the villain.

After years of enduring their mind control, you’re let off your leash a bit. You’re not able to go outside, but you can roam the halls of the base you’re in. There is a bar in the main room where you’re allowed to go, but not many people get to go there. The agents who work in the base are allowed to, and all chatter stops when they see you.

“One tequila, please,” you say to the bartender.

“So, they let you out of your cage, huh?” a male agent says.

“Piss off,” you roll your eyes.

“What are you going to do if I don’t?”

“Cameron, stop. She’s the deadliest,” one of his friends whispers to him.

“I don’t give a fuck. She’s our bitch, and we determine when she gets let out of her cage.” You take the tequila from the bartender and down it before staring at the glass. “She won’t do shit.”

In a fit of rage, you slam the glass to the side of Cameron’s head, and he grunts out in pain from the impact. Every agent is on your ass the second it happens, and you jump onto the shoulders of one of them. You punch his skull repeatedly, even when brain matter spills out.

The other agents who don’t want to be killed escape to get help, but the others put up a very good fight… you’re just better.

When the agent can no longer stand because he’s dead, you jump off his body and onto the next, using your thighs to choke him out. When he can no longer breathe, you jump off and bring him with you, flipping and slamming him to the ground.

One by one, you take out each agent until all that’s left is a pile of dead bodies around you. The only way they were able to subdue you is through the infectious gas they pump through the vents. Your vision goes blurry, and you drop to your knees.

The other agents move in with masks on, and you’re taken to the lab where they always experiment on you. You’ve passed out from the drugs, but when you come to, you see Zemo arguing with one of the scientists.

“What do you mean you can’t replicate her? Take her blood and make the same serum.”

“You can’t figure it out,” you chuckle tiredly. “Some villain you are.”

“Shut up,” Zemo glares at you.

“When I get out of here, I’m going to kill you, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. I just killed two dozen agents on my own. What can you do to me?”

“Punish you into submission,” Zemo grins.

Instead of testing your blood, you’re taken to the room where your memory gets wiped. It hasn’t worked for the last few times, and you think your body is holding onto those memories as the serum grows stronger inside you.

You’re hooked up to machines and placed on a table that resembles a body stretching machine. Zemo wastes no time overstimulating your senses to the point where a mere thought is enough to make you cry.

He electrocutes you, overstimulates your ears by setting off loud noises, flashes lights very close to your eyes, and cuts your skin only to do it again when it heals. He did this for hours to the point where you would cry and shrink into yourself at the thought of him doing this again.

“Maybe next time, you’ll listen,” Zemo says.

You have to get out of here. You have to escape if you want to survive. You’re done being their little bitch, and it’s time you start thinking of yourself.

The first time you escaped, you didn’t know where to go. You took a plane to the first place that became available: Asia. As soon as you touched down, you didn’t know where to go or what to do, but unfortunately, you didn’t have time to figure it out.

HYDRA caught you once the airports saw your picture and name. Of course, they punished you for it, but as soon as you got in their good graces, you attempted to escape again. This time, you knew what not to do.

The second time you escaped, you fled back to the UK where you’re from. This time, you didn’t fly, but you took trains and a boat to get there. This time, you were smarter about hiding from HYDRA, but they ultimately found you two months later.

They didn’t go easy on the torture this time, and you were broken down. The only person who got you through it was Bucky. But even he didn’t last that long.

By the time you were planning your third escape, HYDRA was falling apart. Bucky was rescued and taken to Wakanda for rehab, and the other super soldiers were put into cryo-sleep and stored away. The only person they left alone was you in hopes that you would avenge their organization.

The third and final time you escaped, you took all of your sketchbooks and fled to the United States. You took odd jobs here and there to support yourself, and that work eventually led you to New York where you’ve been ever since.

You finally escaped HYDRA’s clutches, and what they left behind was a broken person who is just trying to do good in the world. Your little red notebook is still out there, and you always have the fear that you’ll run into someone who knows the words to make everything you fought for disappear.

You’ll keep fighting, and the only way to truly beat them is to take them down one at a time. Six months went by until you got news of a file that could kill millions if it got into the wrong hands. If HYDRA got their hands on it, they could definitely rebuild.

The only way that's going to happen is over your dead body.

You’re done being their weapon, and it’s time to start fighting for you.

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[falcqns]

𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬: 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Chris Evans x mute!younger!Reader

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you see your parents again, and Chris tells them exactly what you went through.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: mentions of abuse (physical and mental), me using my background in ece and knowledge of setting up experience areas in classrooms, mentions of drug use (opiods because its becoming a serious problem where i live), fluff, Faye the reborn, Nora the baby doll, angry!Chris, protective!Chris, trauma response.

✰ 𝐚/𝐧: thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy! tagging @natashasera like always!

don't forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

Chris took a deep breath as he hung up the phone. your old social worker had reached out to him. he had gotten in touch with her a few months prior, wanting to get your old file to see what exactly you had gone through. your social worker was wonderful, and everything you reported to her was logged, which Chris was thankful for.

Chris was doubting that now. your birth parents wanted to meet you.

you hadn't seen them since you were newly 5. it was six months before you stopped speaking, and 6 months since you were thrown into over 10 years of abuse, neglect, and insecurity.

when the two of you started texting, a month before he asked you out, and asked you to move in with him, you'd told him that you often wondered if they missed you. if they'd tried to get you back. if they even remembered who you were.

thats how Chris found himself calling you down the stairs and explaining the whole situation. he knew you'd want the same thing.

you were sat on the couch, fiddling with Faye's dress. you were nervous. your birth parents would be arriving any minute, and you didn't know how to feel.

they'd wanted this. as much as you'd thought about it, and expressed it to Chris, you were now second guessing yourself, not knowing if this is what you truly wanted.

you had Chris, who was a wonderful boyfriend, and went above and beyond when it came to your needs and wants. you had his family. you'd been practically adopted into the family as soon as you'd met them, and you had a wonderful bond with all of them.

did you need your parents, when you finally had some that cared and loved you like you deserved to be?

at the same time, your parents, according to Chris and Lauren, your social worker, they'd changed. they'd gone to rehab immediately after getting out of jail, and had spent every waking moment since rehab, trying to find you and get you back.

you wanted to give them a chance, at least. you chewed on your lip as the doorbell rang, and Chris went to the door to answer. you could hear them talking, and your heart rate sped up as you heard them approach the living room.

you looked up as they came in, and smiled shyly. you stood up, bringing Faye with you as you did.

"here," Chris whispered. judging by your parents body language, they were going to want to hug you, and he decided he should take Faye so you could. "hand Faye to me," he said, and you handed your baby over. Chris held Faye on his hip, her vinyl head falling to his shoulder from the quick hand over.

"oh my gosh," your mom said, looking you up and down. "you've grown so much, baby." she held a hand out for you, and you tentatively took it.

your mom went to pull you into a hug, and you whimpered, trying to pull away. Chris saw the fear flash over your face, and his heart dropped. he placed Faye on the couch, and caught you as you fell backwards, trying to escape.

he eased you down onto the floor, and let you scramble into his lap, your whole body shaking from fright.

"w-"your mom stuttered, tears filling her eyes. "what did i do?"

Chris shook your head. "'m sorry. i should have told you." Chris said, rubbing your back as you clamped your hand over your ear. "a lot has happened since she went into the system." he said, looking at your dad, who had tears in his own eyes.

they both took a seat, and watched as Chris handed you Faye, letting you cuddle her to your chest.

"what happened to her?" your dad asked, wiping his eyes as he looked at you.

Chris took a deep breath before recounting.

"in her first home, she accidentally broke a glass on her second day, and was hit with a wooden spoon. the harder she cried, the more hits she received." he explained. "any little mistake, she got hit. going quiet was the only way she would be spared."

"my god." your mom whispered, hiding her head in her hands, and your dad began to rub her shoulder.

Chris glanced down at you, seeing your eyes shut, your cheek smushed against Faye's head.

"going mute was her only defence." he said. "she was then moved from home to home. some were worse, some were better. it was rare she got a good one, though. and if she did, it was for a night or two. she stayed quiet, didn't speak, obeyed all the rules."

"and she never spoke again?" your dad asked, and Chris nodded, kissing the top of your head.

"yup." he explained. "her silence now isn't out of fear an attempt to keep herself safe."

"why doesn't she talk then?" your mom asked.

"she's lost the ability." Chris said. "we're working on her regaining the ability, but it's been slow." he explained.

"is that-uhm," your dad said, clearing his throat, motioning to the Barbie Dream House, and the small basket and organizers on the side with your barbies and their accessories beside the fireplace. "are those hers?" he asked, and Chris nodded.

"there were a lot of things she didn't get as a child, and i'm trying to give her all of it. her therapist has actually included these things, because it will help her from happy memories associated with child items." he explained. he motioned to Faye. "this is another thing. Faye is her reborn doll, which is painted to look real. she has another doll, named Nora, that's not a reborn." he stood up, and adjusted you on his body. he motioned for your parents to follow him, and he led them upstairs.

he walked into the bedroom, and laid you on the bed. he took Faye from your arms, and laid her in the crib attached to your bed that was reserved for both babies. Nora was already in there. he led them out of the room, and opened a door down the hallway.

"she has her own playroom, in here." he said, showing them the large room. it had a high chair, rocking chair, changing table, and adult sized play kitchen and store register for dramatic play. there was a circular table in another corner with lots of art supplies piled up for creative play. there was a small reading nook for quiet time, with a shelf full of books, both childrens and ones from your favourite series as well as a bin of stuffed animals. there was a shelf against the opposite wall of the dramatic play area that had lots of different sized blocks, as well as a car mat and a bin of cars. there was also a table in the other corner of the room where Chris or your therapist would sit with you and do activities. there were shelves under the windows that had colouring books, more art supplies, puzzles, and sensory bins.

in the sensory bins, there was a lot of variation. one bin had plain white rice, and the other 3 rice bins were themed for valentines, halloween, and christmas. one bin had white glossy slime, another had icee, and there were a few other bins with other textures. there was a bin with kinetic sand, and another one with regular sand. another bin had uncooked beans, and the other had pom poms of different colours and sizes.

Chris noticed your parent's eyes on all the sensory bins, and he smiled. "she loves sensory. her and her therapists spend lots of time up here, just playing."

your mom looked down at her feet shamefully. "we really messed up." she commented, and Chris nodded. ever since they'd walked through the door, there had been a slight sense of anger brewing within him, and he decided to let that side of him, his 'Andy Barber' side, as he called it, show.

"yeah, you did. you chose drugs over your child." he said, planting his hands on his hips, and looking squarely at your parents. "you chose drugs over an innocent little girl who wanted nothing more than to play with her parents. she communicated to me about what happened that night, you know." he said, and your dad looked up.

"w-what?"

Chris nodded, his eyes angry. "a 5 year old shouldn't have to find her parents almost overdosed on opioids. she shouldn't have had to call 911, or tear the bathroom apart looking for the naloxone, and crying in panic and fear when she couldn't find it as the paramedics arrived.

"and i know all the details of what happened. you had went to buy some weed before picking her up from school, didn't you? not a big deal, i smoke, so does she. but that's not what's got me so angry with you. you two got into an argument with your dealer, and he stuck you with a needle after beating you up. instead of going to the hospital, and getting help, you picked your daughter up from school, and tried to act like everything was normal. but then, you couldn't breathe, could you?"

they both nodded, and Chris continued.

"you destroyed her life. i almost didn't meet her. i almost didn't go into that bar. i almost bailed on my friends, but i went, and i found her with her ex. i followed them out of the bar after seeing how uneasy she looked, and stopped her ex from hitting her. i drove her home that night. i got her number. i asked her out. i asked her to be my girlfriend, and i then asked her to move in with me. i'm the one that got her into therapy." he ranted.

"she is leaps and bounds above how she was when i first met her, and its because of what i did. what my family did to help her. you guys stopped being her parents as soon as those drugs entered your system. my mom is the one who helped me enrol her in high school so she could finish her education, and its her and my dad who pick her up from school and takes her to dance when i can't. my sisters are the ones who take her out for girls night on friday's, and encourage her bring Faye along. my brother is the one who takes her out for lunch on Thursdays, because thats the one day the library isn't open during lunch, meaning she doesn't have anywhere to sit. we did all of that, not you. you've done nothing for her, other than ruin her life."

"we know," your dad said. "we fucked up. we fucked up everything. we just want a chance to make it right." he begged, and Chris sighed, shrugging slightly.

"it's not my decision. it's hers." he said.

you hugged Nora tight to your chest, overwhelmed by the choice you were being given.

your parents wanted you to give them a chance, but it was up to you.

you diverted your eyes from wehre they sat at the end of your's and chris's bed, and your eyes fell onto the framed picture of you and Lisa at Chrismas.

the choice wasn't hard. Lisa was your mom. Robert was your dad. Chris was the love of your life, and a fatherly protector in the best way possible without it being weird. Scott, Carly, and Shanna were your older siblings.

these two people in front of you were nothing but a sperm donor and a womb that you occupied for 10 months. they weren't your parents. they weren't your family.

you locked eyes with Chris, and shook your head.

despite seeing the heartbreak and disappointment on your birth parent's faces, you knew you made the right decision. you had an amazing family, and you didn't a second subpar one.

you were happy.

[fuckzachariah]

Zach had half a mind to run up on Eden and cover her mouth himself; eyes turned curiously to them, latching securely when they spotted Zach Winthrop at the mercy of the outburst. Though everyone might not know Alex now, they would soon, and they’d certainly know who she belonged to. Then again, now that an excuse had been made to Kylie and Andrew as to why they all might be associated, what did he have to hide from? Haunts from his past, sure. But he could shut Luke, Aubrey and the like up relatively easily if his hand was forced. His mind whirred with possibilities. Lola was a flight risk; if she caught wind Zach was hanging out with his ex-flame whilst two years deep into his new relationship, she wouldn’t hesitate to drop a bomb on Kylie just to see what her disembodied parts looked like launching through the air. Zach rubbed the back of his neck, staring at Eden in caution as she went on. He closed in on her, attempting to muffle her tangent from prying ears. Alex attempted to soothe her, and Zach’s gaze cut across bodies to find her doll-like profile. The best of it.

He smirked and dropped his head, keeping his response private. His mind was fogged with the best of it. He wondered, exactly, what ‘the best of it’ would surmount to. Eden protested still, and Zach laughed incredulously, finding her combative gaze with his amused one. “Yeah, we are.” He grinned antagonistically. “Shouldn’t be that hard. It’s the truth, no?” Ryan came up behind her as though on a snapped band, his bejeweled hands snaking up her tight torso to her chest. “Play nice, gorgeous. Us all being together again is making me so…” he trailed off, lips buried under her hair and into her ear as he whispered something that made her squeak, attempting to shove him off. Zach looked at Alex pointedly. “You see why our living arrangement post-rehab didn’t work out. This was constant.” Eden threw her clutch at him, which he caught against his chest, courtesy of quick reflexes after years of lingerie being tossed onstage. “Shut your mouth. Like you two would’ve been any better.” Zach raised his eyebrows. She had always been a little bolder with her mouth when affronted. Eden culled Ryan by the neck, ceasing the assault of his greedy mouth behind her ear, and made puppy eyes at Zach. “Wait, is that really why you moved out so fast?” 

Zach shrugged, making a face he knew she hated. Before it could all be fun and games, though, they needed to lay some ground rules. He urged the group over to a plush leather seating area behind Ryan. While he was confident in maneuvering Eden, his hand hesitated before landing upon Alex’s bare shoulder, hovering just above the skin as though compelling her by will alone. He wasn’t certain where his reservation was derived; perhaps, somewhere packed tight in his core, he knew that touching her at all seemed too mania-inducing not to leave him craving more. And he had never been too skilled at managing cravings. Still, his wrist burned from where she had hauled him into the study hours ago, as though if he looked down he would see a delicate ring singed into the olive ink.

The four of them sat, and now they were all together again after so long, a moment passed in which the unreality was awash in the silence; it leapt and trembled in time with the bass, sweated under the brightly colored lights. “Damn. I love you guys. I wanna take my clothes off,” Ryan broke. Zach’s eyes darted to him, smirking. “Shut up. Look, all you both need to know is; Alex and I talked,” his golden-flecked gaze passed to hers, deep and unforgiving, addicted to the sensation that struck a match in him whenever they lingered there, “and I’m going for the Dupree deal. Catch is, Ky and Drew don’t know… well, fucking anything, really. They know Ale and E used to work together, so that gets you guys off the hook, but nothing about the rest of it. So I’m asking you. Or I guess we’re asking you.” He looked at her again. It felt odd, but good to refer to them as a unit. “To be on best behavior and not say shit to them that might fuck us over.”

Kylie’s compliment reached her ears and Alex’s eyebrow arched in response. The mention of their uniforms triggered a cascade of memories, dredging up the bittersweet recollection of her time at Luxe. Under Mo’s questionable management, the girls were clad in garments that left little to the imagination —tight, short, and scandalously skimpy, carefully skirting the line between chic lounge attire and the semblance of a strip club. She recalled the leering gazes of the affluent male patrons, their hands reaching out in brazen attempts to cop a feel any chance they could. Zach Winthrop had been just one of many patrons she had been forced to put in their place, retaliating with a deftly spilled overpriced drink aimed squarely at their arrogance. Mo’s admonitions about her attitude echoed inside of her mind, a constant reminder to toe the line of respectability, to cater to the whims of Luxe’s clientele. Yet, for Alex, compliance was a challenge she struggled to embrace, her rebellious spirit refusing to be tamed by Mo’s directives.

Unlike the other girls who relied on the job for financial stability, Alex had never been bound by the need for money or employment. Luxe was nothing more than a diversion, a playground for socializing and indulging in the carefree frivolity of youth. She felt no obligation to conform to the expectations thrust upon her by Mo or anyone else at Luxe. She saw herself as their equal and didn’t owe them anything. There was, however, one exception to this. Mo had been adamant that she serve Zach’s table that night, a decision that would alter the course of her life forever. The mere thought of Andrew replacing Zach in her life’s story felt inconceivable. It was no secret that Andrew had enjoyed his fair share of Hollywood’s starlets before recently deciding to embrace a more settled existence. He lived of a life of relative ease, basking in the glow of his father’s success and wealth. With little responsibility to weigh him down, he had reveled in the freedoms afforded by his family’s stature.

Undoubtedly, Alex would have regarded Andrew with the same disdain she held for Zach — arrogant, irritating, and entitled. It was difficult to imagine that the former version of Andrew could have ever captured her interest. She entertained the possibility that he possessed hidden depths, perhaps a few seductive maneuvers up his sleeve that she hadn’t yet witnessed. She wondered how it might have altered the course of her relationship with Zach. Would they have never crossed paths at all, or would fate have eventually brought them together at a different time in their lives, when both had matured and grown? While she was certain that she wouldn’t find herself working at Luxe in this hypothetical scenario, she allowed herself to indulge in the idea of a chance encounter, some sort of serendipitous meeting that would ultimately lead to their happily ever after. She smiled wistfully at the thought of what could have been. A different beginning, but with the same promise of love and possibility.

As Ryan clumsily made another remark, Alex detected the subtle undertone directed at Zach, teasing him about his apparent desperation for her attention. Her laughter bubbled forth, a natural response to Ryan’s offbeat humor. He seemed to catch himself, realizing he was dangerously close to revealing more than intended, potentially jeopardizing their carefully laid plans. Andrew nodded his head, seemingly filled with pride to learn that she had been desirable even back then. Alex had never seen him jealous before. Despite the occasional advances or unsavory remarks from other men, Andrew had always remained steadfastly composed. But then again, Alex had never entertained the notion of anyone else but him. What reason was there for him to feel insecure or threatened? Until Zach entered the picture. Alex was still unsure if the comments Andrew made about him were in jest or if there were kernels of truth hidden within. If he harbored any sense of being challenged by Zach’s presence, he kept it well concealed.

Surprise flickered across Alex’s features as Andrew granted permission for them to whisk her away, her gaze darting between him and Zach. She was curious about Zach’s motives, but refrained from voicing her questions, choosing instead to accept the fleeting moment of normalcy it promised. For a brief moment, she could immerse herself in the illusion that this was her life, her friends, her world once more. Her eyes sought out Andrew’s, searching for any hint of reluctance or reservation in his expression. “Are you sure?” she asked, a note of uncertainty lacing her words. Andrew only laughed in response, giving her a playful pat on her backside to urge her to seize the moment and indulge in some much-needed fun with people her own age. “Yes, go on! You don’t want to sit here and be bored to death with anymore old men, do you? Go before I change my mind,” he teased. Zach’s enthusiasm was clear, already leading the way as they ventured away from the bar in search of Eden.

Alex trailed behind Ryan, weaving through the crowded space. It seemed as though the room had shrunk in size, or perhaps the guest list had ballooned since their arrival, the atmosphere thick with the heady mix of revelry and excess. They skirted around couples lost in their own world, dancing seductively or taking it a step further by rather aggressively locking lips for all to see. As Alex scanned the throng of partygoers, her gaze lingered on Kylie, who seemed to be straying from the group, disappearing into the swirling mass of bodies. She realized that Zach made no move to follow Kylie, nor did he inquire about her whereabouts. Puzzled by his lack of concern, Alex turned her attention forward once more, only to be jolted by the sound of a familiar screech cutting through the din of the crowd. Before she could react, a petite blonde with ample cleavage came charging toward her, her presence commanding attention amidst the chaos of the celebration.

A winsome smile graced Alex’s lips as she was reunited with her best friend. However, Eden’s expression quickly shifted, her brows furrowing in confusion as she noticed Zach peeking from behind Alex. Before Alex could offer an explanation, Eden interjected with a mixture of disbelief and frustration. Alex attempted to offer an explanation, but her words faltered as she struggled to articulate the complexity of their situation. “You can’t be too surprised, E,” she began tentatively, her head bobbing as she searched for the right words. “We’re kind of stuck together now. I think we're trying to... make the best of it?” Eden’s arms opened defensively as she absorbed Alex’s words, her eyes widening. “The best of it?” she echoed incredulously. “This is a mess, you two. You’re going to kill me! So, what? Are we supposed to pretend we’re one big happy family now? Me, Ryan, you, Zach, Drew, and Kylie?” Her dissatisfaction with the explanation was evident as she rolled her eyes.

[trueshellz]

Hey could I get something where kyoutani, diachi, and iwazumi react to finding out you when you just didn’t eat for months, when you were younger and you fainted

Hey hun. Thanks for the request. I tried making each one a little different but with the same theme.

Warnings: eating disorders, anxiety, tube feeding mentioned, PTSD, family death mentioned, bullying, body dysmorphia, spanking (out of place but Kyoutani warranted it), injury.

Kyoutani:

"Why did you mother ask me to make sure you eat regularly? She makes it sound like we have no food in the apartment or something. Does she think I'm not earning enough to provide for us?"

You stopped what you were doing, hands pausing on the knife as you cut the vegetables for dinner. You really hoped your mum wouldn't drop anything about your battle with food when she came around earlier, she had been so worried when you decided to move in with your boyfriend.

Apparently that wish was in vain.

"Err....so, you see-"

"Drop the shit. Tell me or I'll call her back and ask her instead. And your butt will pay for it later too."

You sighed long and hard, glaring at Kyoutani as he stood there with his hand on his hips. There was no way you were winning this argument.

"I... Ken-"

His hand suddenly resting on the back of you knuckles was the only change in his mood, eyes still staring holes into you with a frown on his face.

"I... had some trouble with food when I was younger... didn't eat for a while and ended up passing out."

"How long is 'a while'?"

"A few weeks?"

The tightening of his jaw was the only indication of his mood, you could see the small tick in his jaw and the grip on your hand increased, only a little, but it was enough for you to realise. He nodded for you to proceed, thumb back to rubbing small circles on your skin.

"My... my mum... she found me on the floor in the bathroom... I think I was having a bath or something.... I don't think the image ever left her to be honest." You paused. "I'm sor-"

"Don't apologise for that shit. Ever. I'll make sure you eat... even if I have to tie you up and feed you myself."

"Kinky." You snorted a laugh, turning into a yelp as he landed a slap on your ass as he walked to the fridge.

Daichi:

Unpacking your apartment was the worst thing ever, you decided. Between finding what you needed and putting it in the right place, it was driving you up the wall. Daichi was in the living room unpacking the shared collection books that you had, while you were in the kitchen fighting with the unmatched chopsticks.

"Hey babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Come here a sec."

You found him surrounded by yearbooks, all open on the same page- your class.

"So, you're here, here and here." Daichi pointed at each picture of you through the years you were there. "But not here."

His finger landed on the page exactly where you would have been alphabetically, between your best friends. A small trickle of anxiety worked its way down your spine, you remembered that year vividly. It had been after a close family death and it had hit you very hard, you had trouble sleeping and eating. The latter causing more problems, your brother had watched you wither away even when you said you were okay.

The final straw came when you passed out at school one day, walking through the corridors between lessons and the next thing you knew, you woke up in hospital. They had been close to tube feeding you with how much weight you had lost. Lots of therapy and counselling later, you had a better relationship with food but the scars were still there.

You hadn't realised that you had tears running down your face as you retold him the story until Daichi wiped them away. His warm hands cupping your face, thumb wiping away the tears as he kissed your forehead. Arms wrapping around you and bundling you into his lap, his scent washing over you as he held you close.

"It's ok. I got you. You're not alone in this, I'll help ok? Lean on me, it's what I'm here for."

Iwaizumi:

"You okay there, doll? You've gone a little pale."

Hand resting on your forehead, Iwaizumi stepped close as you sat in the restaurant. The menu in your hands suddenly going blurry, writing smearing as you tried to focus on choosing something to eat. Your palms suddenly sweaty, heart beating in your ears as you quickly got up and left the restaurant. The cold air hit your skin, chills running through your body as you realised you had left-

"Here."

Your jacket was draped over your shoulders as Iwaizumi stood next to you. Not touching, just stood silently as you stared into space, his arms barely touching yours as you took some deep breaths in.

"I..." You took a deep breath, "I had some trouble with food when I was in high school. I was your typical chubby kid who got bullied. Where everyone was slim and had these great figures, I had bumps and lumps in places they didn't. No matter what I did or said... what I ate... it didn't stop. So I didn't eat." You sniffed, eyes watering as you continued. "It was good for a while... the bullying stopped and I was slimmer on the outside, I guess? But when I looked in the mirror all I could see whay the body I hated and was trying to get rid of."

His arm came around you, pulling your to his chest as you felt his lips in your hair. Hand rubbing up and down your shoulder as you wiped your eyes, sure that the mascara you had was now rings on your face.

"We had P.E one day, netball or something, and I remember jumping.... and then nothing. I woke up to my mum crying, a cast on my leg because I landed badly. It took months of rehab to get myself back to my old habits but now... eating out kinda scares me. I know it's stupid and-"

"It's not stupid."

You peered up at him, his eyes soft even though his expression hasn't changed. His hand brushed your hair back and turned you to face him.

"It's not stupid at all. You went through something traumatic and you reacted how you thought best. But the relationship you have with food is still fragile and that's understandable. We don't have eat out."

"But-"

"Don't do that. Don't deflect and worry about me, that's my job. I'm supposed to look after you, doll. How about we go to the supermarket and you choose something we can make together? And we buy something small that's premade... like some dumplings or some mochi?"

You could manage that... you thought.

"But Hajime..."

A soft kiss on your lips silenced you, hands cupping you face as he leaned into you.

"Let's take one day at a time, ok?