#doless

[delineate-creates]

Hold onto your britches y’all I gotta post some art I’ve been sitting on for ages 😑

[s7ray-cat]

Victim a doless crime

this girl at uni was dressed sooo gay and then i found out she's just straight with a lesbian mom. dykebaiting is not a victimless crime 😔

[phlistopher]

Letters To Doless

I wrote a humor column in college for the Hofstra Chronicle under the pseudonym Silence Doless, a nod to Benjamin Franklin I didn't come up with.

I was very proud of this work at the time. It's all very Hofstra specific, and the mid 2000s. Against my better judgement, I've decided to republish the series here.

This is the eighth article, originally printed December 28th, 2007. Commentary at the end.

Well, it’s happened. I’ve finally decided to forego creating new material this week, and instead respond to letters from you, the readers. Unfortunately, I haven’t received any letters to respond to, so I will be forced to make them up. Here’s one from little Lucy Palmer of Columbus, Ohio.

Dear Silence Doless,

Why am I writing this letter? Was it really necessary to create fictional characters to fill up your humor column? Personally, I think it’s downright unethical. Don’t you have to follow some journalistic moral code, or something? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Sincerely, little Lucy Palmer.

P.S. How did you imagine the Chronicle getting all the way to Ohio?

Well Lucy, first off I’m a humor columnist, not a journalist, which basically frees me from any moral obligation whatsoever. I can pretty much make up anything I want to and get away with it. I don’t have to pay taxes, for example. As long as it falls under the category of satire, essentially meaning, “making fun of people”, it’s fine.

For another example, if I was a regular feature writer I couldn’t be having this conversation with you (at least not on paper). While that would be wonderful (that’s satire), I also couldn’t insult President Stuart Rabinowitz on a regular basis, which more than makes up for the drawbacks. As for if I find it necessary to have fictional people write me letters, the short answer is yes (as is the long answer). I’m going to write a letters column by God, and nobody, pretend or otherwise, is going to stop me.

Oh, and the Chronicle gets to Ohio via stork. Has anyone even seen a stork in real life? Exactly, they��re all busting their ass in my imagination delivering Chronicles to Ohio.

Next letter!

Dear Silence Doless,

This is President Stuart Rabinowitz, and it is my distinct pleasure of saying that your humor columns are disgraceful and slanderous. Never in my life have I read such rude and derogatory rubbish. You think I’m not “hip” to what goes on at this University? Did you honestly think you could just insult me right under my very nose? Think again Doless. It is high time you paid for your crimes. Not with a duel or even jail, but with money. That’s right, I’m raising your tuition. In fact, I might as well raise tuition for the entire school while I’m at it. Mwahaha, with the money I’ll buy a med school! How do you like them apples, Columbia?

Ah Rabinowitz, my old arch nemesis. The tighter you squeeze, the more students will slip through your fingers. The more you raise tuition less and less people will be able to afford Hofstra until one day the only people who can are spoiled Long Island kids. Great Rabinowitz, I really want some ugg-wearing snob with a hangover and a fake orange tan operating on my spine. Seriously, the only other people who will go are sick people who still think it’s the Nassau Community Hospital.

Ok, we have time for one more letter.

Dear Silence Doless,

Fred Doogleberry from Columbus, Ohio; get these storks out of my house. I don’t want your paper, and I don’t care about Long Island; get these birds off my patio, out of my chimney, and away from my kids! I’m also suing you three thousand dollars for damages. My sofa is torn to shreds and the varmints keep crapping on my wife. I want them out immediately.

Sincerely, Fred.

Fred, I would love to help you out, but solving your imaginary problem would involve creating some sort of new material, which I decided I wouldn’t at the beginning of this column.

Goodnight.

You know what? Not bad.

[merpuff]

“MAMMA! Guarda che carina” Lo sguardo fisso sul piccolo anfibio che teneva tra le mani le impedì di far caso all’espressione di disgusto formatasi sul volto di sua madre “Possiamo tenerla?” E con l’indice si apprestò ad accarezzare la piccola testa dell’animale “Potremmo chiarmarla Jenna”; solo allora - e con un verso che poteva esprimere tutta la riluttanza verso quel gesto - Katherine Hale riprese la capacità di parlare “Non se ne parla, rimettila al suo posto!” Con un tono che non ammetteva repliche indicò lo stagnetto da cui Meredith aveva recuperato il piccolo tesserino “Ma mamma-“ iniziò a replicare la piccola con ormai gli occhi da cucciolo abbondato “Niente ma-“ tagliò corto la più grande “Ma perché?” “Perché è brutta…” Posò per qualche secondo lo sguardo sulla ranetta che sembrava guardare il vuoto con degli occhietti un po’ strabici “… e viscida” terminò. A Meredith non sembrava nessuna delle due cose, anzi le sembrava carina e aveva proprio l’aria simpatica. Ma non voleva alterare sua madre, non più di quanto aveva evidentemente già fatto e posò la sua nuova amica - perché sarebbe sicuramente venuta a trovarla - per terra “Ciao ciao ranocchietta, fa la brava” e aggiungendo sussurrando in modo che la madre non potesse sentirla “ci vediamo presto! Ihih”. Tornò dalla madre, che con una mano posata sulla fronte, come se le dolesse, si apprestò a dire “Coraggio andiamo” -Prima che ne arrivino altre- Avrebbe voluto aggiungere. “Non capisco proprio cosa ci trovi in tutti questi esseri strani” continuò tenendo la figlia per un polso trascinandola via “Sembri proprio tuo padre” Incerta se fosse un insulto o un complimento, fece spallucce. L’unica cosa certa alla fine di tutto, è che Meredith non rivide mai più Jenna.

[talesticity]

It's the little things you do each day that add up. If what you're doing isn't making you happy, here's a simple exercise. Take a pen and paper and write down all the things that used to bring you happiness or what you feel will bring you happiness. Also, consider what you may need to give up that will bring you happiness, and start doing those things. Remember, even small steps can make a big difference over time.

#littlethings #eachday #happiness #domore #doless #giveup #smallsteps

[wildsacredmagic]

This is what being busy looks like. 🤯 No space. No margins in life. It's not glamorous. It's time to delete some old belief systems around being busy. ❌being busy does not mean success ❌being busy does not mean happy ❌being busy does not make one more worthy I have found the times I am busiest is the times I am the most stressed. For me, being busy has served many functions. - to distract myself when I'm upset or disturbed - to avoid emotional pain - to make myself feel enough Many of us have realized (because of the pandemic and being forced to slow down), just how much we were pushing ourselves. I know for myself. I hate being busy now. Yet the habit of piling things on is still there. I am working on it. I have to be aware of it. And when I'm triggered I notice I get into workaholic tendencies... then I know I have to pull back. Because when I'm busy, to be brutally honest. I don't enjoy life. I don't get the time to really engage with people, I rush through projects, I even forget what I did that day... So I have learned: - do less - fit less in a day -make space for the spontaneous - say no, if it's not a hell ya - simplify - Prioritize - take down time - make space for pleasure What have you found helpful to create more space in your life for the things that nourish you? 💗 🎨 art by me Acrylic 2022 #artist #artistofinstagram #thoughtfortheday #thoughtfulartist #socialcommentary #thinkingaboutlife #beingtoobusy #beingbusy #addictiontobusy #simplify #simplifyyourlife #doless #createspace #slowingdown #lifeisbetterslow (at Courtenay, British Columbia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CZXn312vrzp/?utm_medium=tumblr

[creativelifebynherie]

If you're constantly doing, the "undoing" is only a matter of time. Heed the advice in these reasons why doing less is better.

[anxiouslydry]

12/12/20

~ It's ok to do less, when you have alot more to cope with.~

❤️

[craftinggeek]

Perhaps I could have done less, but after I ordered my mug from @doless.godbless, I knew what I had to do. . . . #crossstitch #xstitch #text #doless #godbless #xstitchersofinstagram #crossstitchersofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/B2U523yBwsB/?igshid=ghcm9609mwiy

[sarahannee]

Sometimes I ask questions when I really don’t want to know the answer. 🧟‍♀️ #forensicpsychology #workflow #psyd #doless #hustle #workaholic #exhaustion #zombiemode #workhardplayhard #motivation https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo0KZdnF8lK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1l7xzxdsiyfq

[phlistopher]

Change of Blood

I wrote a humor column in college for the Hofstra Chronicle under the pseudonym Silence Doless, a nod to Benjamin Franklin I didn't come up with.

I was very proud of this work at the time. It's all very Hofstra specific, and the mid 2000s. Against my better judgement, I've decided to republish the series here.

This is the seventh cringe article, originally printed December 7th, 2007. Commentary at the end.

Last week I challenged University President Stuart Rabinowitz to a duel. The rules were simple: no lasers, no cheating and no wimping out. I waited patiently at the designated place and time, yet Rabinowitz failed to show, thus breaking two of the agreed-upon rules. I’m sure he would have broken all three if it were possible to fight with lasers while cheating and chickening out. This could have been because I said the meeting place was at the quad, and apparently there’s more than one on campus (why didn’t anyone inform me of this?! I’m looking at you, editors). That, or maybe our president is a lily-livered, yellow-bellied, pants-wetting wiener. Whatever the case may be, I hereby decide that his conduct was dishonorable. As punishment, I shall ignore him for the rest of the column.

Have you ever wanted to be something, or someone, you’re not? Have you ever thought, “Oh, if I was only this other person or had these certain attributes, everything would work out for me”? Perhaps you imagine yourself as a famous actor, thinking, “Wow, if only I was Danny DeVito my life would be great!”

Personally, I’ve always wanted to be Native American. Why, you may ask? Because it’s badass. Think of the perks. You could walk to the front of any line in the country and if anyone gives you guff just say, “I was here first!” Guaranteed to work every time. Also, you can have a lot of fun with scalping puns outside concert venues. And by “a lot of fun” I mean “have a lot of people pissed at you.” If this happens, just scalp them (by which I mean sell them a ticket…to an Atlanta Braves game! The fans will do the rest).

Native American culture is also very rich, heavily emphasizing a symbiosis with nature which has been all but lost in today’s hyper-developed society. With all these benefits, there must be a catch, right? I mean, why wouldn’t you want to become Native American?

The truth is, there is no catch. The hard part is actually changing your ethnicity. Hard, yes, but impossible? Quite possibly. But I for one am not ready to give up. What is the most essential element of ethnic identity? That’s right, blood. If blood denotes brotherhood, motherhood, sisterhood and Hepatitis C, it can damn well denote ethnicity-hood. All the clichés about blood being thicker than water affirm that this is true.

So in light of this, I propose a startling new medical operation to swap the ethnicities of two people through blood transfusions. With said blood transfusions you could exchange blood with a person of the desired ethnicity; in this case a Native American. If your doctor had a high powered compressor you could transfer large quantities of blood at a time, making it possible to become as much as half Cherokee in a single visit! Of course, you’d have to find a full-blooded Cherokee willing to become half “Crazy blood-lusting whacko wannabe.” But this is in the future, my friends. This is a future where everyone can be whatever, and whomever they want (especially Danny DeVito), whenever they want (especially 10 years ago).

Critics may argue that this is nonsense. “Why can’t people just be satisfied with who they are?” they may ask, “Besides, the technology for blood transfusions is still decades away.”

Sometimes I think they’re right. Sometimes I think, “We’re all 99.9 percent the same genetic material, what’s the difference anyway?” Then I realize that that is just the Apes talking, who would have us believe that we share 98 percent of our genetics with them. Convincing us of this would enable them to infiltrate our society, posing as Rogaine test patients (or Robin Williams) and from there, take over the world giving them free reign to finally achieve their ultimate goal: sinking the Statue of Liberty into the beach.

I would be extremely mad at those damn dirty Apes if I didn’t want to be one so bad. Man, if I was a gorilla I’d kick Rabinowitz’s ass! Those dishonorable walls won’t hide you from my 12 pound fists, shorty!

And now I’ve broken my own ignoring rules. That’s okay, at least I didn’t wimp out.

As the person who wrote this, even I have to say this is really hard to follow. Plus, even more importantly, it’s not clear enough that I’m the butt of the joke with becoming Native American, and the whole thing is again just sweaty and gross. Why am I republishing these?

[brooklynnegoes]

My energy is set more on luxuriate & enjoy than working myself into a frenzy. #sayless #doless #ageless #flyageless #flyagelesscertified✅ #flyagelessambassador (at DMV DC MD VA) https://www.instagram.com/p/CVdxJESp7Ii/?utm_medium=tumblr

[cljrealtygroup]

“Work Smarter and not Harder” Learn how to delegate and leverage others! Otherwise you’ll never truly build a business. #motivationalquotes #motivate #entrepreneurship #entrepreneurlife #entrepreneurquotes #ceo #lead #entrepreneurmindset #leadership #learning #ali #doless #lessismore #lesson #lessons #business #lessonslearnedinlife #leverage #smart #grind #gogetter #hustle

[showpiece]

Do Less. Do More. Do You. “Boo Boo.” #DoLess #DoMore #DoYou #Brooklyn #NYC #AndYouSayNewYorkCity (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTssNrJL2fe/?utm_medium=tumblr

[creativelifebynherie]

Having some downtime this afternoon with a buddy..a gift. We love Time Travelers Wife movie. #doless #havemore

[bookmarkquinn]

I don't think this is just down to the word successful, I think you should act like this always, for the better you. #positivethinking #positivevibes #positivequotes #motivational #quote #quotesaboutlife #writer #wordsmith #quotestoliveby #success #doless #VoteQuinn2022 #wisewords #successmindset #bookmarkquinn #themancunianpoet #beyourbest #stoic #stoicism #stoicphilosophy https://www.instagram.com/p/CS30M7loRcy/?utm_medium=tumblr