#doing the things that scared me
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#absolutely the realization that changed my life#doing the things that scared me#like moving overseas alone and arriving in my new home with just a single suitcase#throwing away a high paid career to work for charities and do something for people that means something to them#falling in love then moving in with then marrying someone from across the world#and finally having children despite my worries about my capacity to be a mentally healthy parent#all these things have made me so happy#I am so happy#because I did everything I was terrified of
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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your pearl is one of my favorite designs for her i’ve ever seen <3 her face shape feels so right, and i love how you draw her hair. by way of a request, have you ever drawn her as an avian?
thank you so much! pearl's design is definitely my favorite to draw :')
ive done a bit of practice with pearl and grian as avians but that was way before i started posting hc publicly! ( these ones are new :D )
also played around with an alternate version! i dont know much about birds but i saw the australian barn owl and took more inspo from them
#pearlescentmoon#i also drew pearl with her head tilted all the way like how owls do but it ended up a bit freakier than i expected heh#me barely dipping my toes into more crechur designs... im too scared to try#eydireqs#asks#hc#my art#pearl was THE first hermit i ever drew (cleaning lady pearl and suit pearl)#she's always looked like this to me in my head#although in my earlier sketches she had curlier hair in the front that slowly phased out to the swoopy ones she has now#anyway this was really fun to do!!! i definitely need to do more studies on how wings work but :DD#learning many a things over here
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he cares so much about them, but he has never known how to show it
and now, it’s too late.
#orion rambles#mephone was the character that got me attached to ii#seeing him this miserable makes me miserable#ive grown even more attached to him since the twist#i love making ocs....it can be really therapeutic to explore feelings through them#so to see a character do the exact same thing was wild#...but the contestants became these living breathing people#who now have to come to terms with the fact they were made to be a fantasy#dreamed up by someone who is lost. and broken. and scared#and now? he has nothing left#but he cared for them. he really truly cared for them. i would know#inanimate insanity#ii 17#ii movie#ii mephone4
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Hot 4am take but I feel like if we want to get people more interested in making their yards a more habitable space for wildlife like insects, we have to acknowledge that ‘Don’t want bugs in your house’ is still a 100% fair and valid point of view. ‘Loves nature’ and ‘doesn’t want roaches spiders and mosquitoes in the house’ aren’t opposites.
And with that in mind, when we propose to people that spraying pesticides around houses is Not A Good Idea, Actually, I feel like we need to give an alternative asides from ‘deal with it.’
#solarpunk#anti pesticides#ani rambles#this is coming from personal opinion at 4am keep that in mind but like#I’m scared of roaches. i’m fine with them outside though#my parents dont like roaches and for good reason. they spray Ortho Home Defense along the veeery edge of the concrete by the doors to#keep roaches and shit from coming in because yknow. Florida.#if I tell them ‘hey actually we shouldn’t spray pesticides inside (ie raid spray) or outside (ie home defense)#theyre gonna ask wtf to do instead to prevent roaches#and if I tell them ‘nothing suck it up buttercup’ they’re gonna laugh and then double down on the sprays#we gotta have an alternative ready and honestly maybe I’m not looking in the right places but I genuinely don’t know of any#like one online friend told me leaving brush piles around the yard decreased the amount of bugs trying to come in but like#thats one person. anecdotal. and I haven’t seen anything online confirming that as a thing (yet)#idk man I’m going to bed.#might delete later#house pest saga
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trying not to get attached
#messyr#sorry for vent post spams#artists on tumblr#doodle#obsessions is one thing until u start to obsess on a person#WHICH IM TRYING TO AVOID BC I AM * NOT * DOING THAT AGAIN- but its like a moth to a flame iasgidfndxn#even the smallest interactions gets me flipping#it's been so long since i felt dependant/clingy towards someone gnfdinlx i might explode#I DONT WANT TO SCARE THEM AWAY SO IM RUNNING#vent post#vent art#bpd#borderline personality disorder#bpd fp
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Sigh
I can't believe I have to say this
If you know of anyone who's y'know "bad" or anything of the sort and happens to follow me... don't??? tell??? me??
Regardless of the circumstances and actions of the person, I say this with the utmost respect and fear: I don't want to get involved
What people who follow me or don't or have me blocked or muted or whatever do in their free and irl time is not my business
I know not to mess with english-speaking communities' personal affairs now. Like, no offense, but y'all are pretty fucking creepy when it comes to stuff like that, and that's why, again, I don't want to get involved
I have enough problems in the real world currently. Please understand that! 🙏
#im not trying to be mean or anything#im just gonna put it out there#im legit traumatized by the way english speakers and gringo cultured ppl handle these situations#im not even using that word lightly#getting the anon ask that spawned this post into existence made me want to puke and do not very nice things to myself#so please i beg you#dont tell me about it like im supposed to do anything to fix things#I also understand that many people believe larger accounts have a responsibility to get this sort of stuff out there#but im not strong enough for this kinda business#yall scare me way too fucking much atp#ughhh#aneh wont shut up
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thinking of any relationship ending as "it had just run its course" makes me so physically ill
#ik i said this after listening to kelseas ep for the first time but like. things like this make me SO SCARED to ever properly love someone#and i mean that. so legitimately#how do you love someone so wholly like that for it to just. end. to fall out of love or whatever. run its course?????? im.#sick to my stomach just thinking about it#i feel sick i want to cry#regardless of it being taylor i hATE THAT LANGUAGE IT MAKES ME ILL#taylor swift#rambling#the hits*
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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gale's folly
#ahhhg i'm calling this done#pwease don't blow up magic man we like you too much#really made after effects do unspeakable things for this one#im not actually that happy with this but would be a shame not to post so here it is do NOT be mean to me#if you see any mistakes here no you didn't shut up#gale dekarios#gale bg3#bg3#baldur's gate 3#jitterbugbear art#animation#gif#procreate#after effects#artists on tumblr#god im so scared to post this ok here goes waghghhj
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Call that a Cave Story.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen chao#wang lingjiao#mianmian#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#I had to cut the comic with JC 'holding WWX back from fighting the Wen Assholes' but it is with me in spirit.#It reads (to me) a little bit like JC is scared of Core Melting Hand and wants to have an excuse to hold on to WWX for comfort.#As far as I can recall they are around 15-17 in this arc.#And a guy who can rip out your golden core? The thing we know JC truly puts so much weight upon that he feels meaningless without it?#Yeah that's pretty terrifying. I hope WWX hugs back (he will not)#I have a lot more thoughts on Wang Lingjiao and Mianmian but I will keep them for later.#WLJ is a character I feel got done a little dirty because she has a ton of interesting potential that gets pushed aside for Mean Villainess#Let's be fully honest. Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao are *THE* characters the Protag of one of those 'Reincarnated as the villain!' stories#Set up to be assholes to the main character and meeting a horrible end in retribution.#Do you think MXTX thought about that? How Wen Chao is basically the original Shen QiugQiu?#Who's going to be the brave soul who writes A transmigrator in wen chao's body (accidently makes wwx fall in love with him) story?#Though If we are going with “any mxtx character sho dies transmigrates to another book” WHO is the transmigrator?#Hear me out. I think it should be Original Liu Qingge. I think he and wwx would make a funny duo and I want to see it so bad.#AND the contrast of womanizer Wen Chao VS 'What is a woman' LQG.
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GRAHH REDRAW JUMPSCARE
@/marsipain's cyberpunk ninjago au!!! im sure we all know it okay time to yap if any morro enjoyers remember alll the way back in january 2023 i did something for this au and i think around a couple months ago i was like yk what ill do it again. cause the one back then really was not the vision like i tried my best but i just did not have the skill
LOOK AT THIS??? i did end up ditching the mic but i kept the stickers at least. not sure how i feel about them but they were too iconic to scrap. also the perspective kind of wasnt working out for me i didnt really get the fisheye look i was aiming for but we ball. i actually started the whole thing end of AUGUST and then i completely revamped it look at what i had before
its a vibe lowkey i like it but unfortunately it was again. not the vision wasn’t dramatic enough. i redid it last sunday and worked on it nonstop for days what was i on
PROCESS
#obligatory morro enjoyers do you rember. im back happy morrotober#what a year and 9 months does to a mf#hii marsipain how are you doing#your designs are still banger even after all this time#almost 2 whole years#im scared to tag if they see it they see it#this is a for me kind of thing anyways i just wanted to redraw and see how it would look#WE ACHIEVED THE VISION 🗣🗣 SOMEWHAT#didnt really know what to do with the background#at first i was gonna have the giant morro sort of like a projector light and it was gonna shine on top of his face#but then i couldn’t figure it out so i scrapped it#also the way i did his collar slash sleeves i realized too late his sleeves would have to be like detachable but whatever#o i just found it i spent 17 hours on this what#it felt a lot less than that#i just watched the timelapse my first couple tries are actually embarrassing#don’t let the first second and third draft discourage you guys#ninjago#lego ninjago#morro ninjago#ninjago morro#morro wu#ninjago cyberpunk au#jellos scribbles#yyippee
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warmups
#dungeon meshi#i want to do a bigger project but i want to post things#so here#reason for laios lacking legs is that i'm scared to draw them too short#i'm good at doing that#and izutsumi is easier for me
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So far I've only reblogged posts about October 7th/leftist antisemitism today, but strong reminder to not shame anyone on jumblr or israblr that's still reblogging or making lighthearted, unrelated posts. We all have our own ways of coping, and no one should go out of their way to make themselves miserable for the sake of mourning and being respectful.
#saying this because i've seen a lot of people doing the same thing as me and i'm scared people will try and enforce it#october 7th#10/7#7/10#jumblr#israblr#hila has spoken
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I deleted that last post because frankly I got embarrassed. But ultimately, I really would like to know if the new journal pages are suspicious on purpose.
Them being fake pages made by Bill is a theory I believe quite heavily in, and in my opinion there's a decent amount of evidence for it. It feels percentage-wise very few people agree. But I guess I just want to say, it's not that I'm just out here grasping at straws to discount a book I didn't like. What we know Ford to be like, what we know Bill to be like, and most importantly what we know journal 3 to be like, those are what the theory is driven by.
When I first looked at TBOB for myself, I got to the second page of the journal pages and the perception that I was reading pages written by Ford himself was shattered instantly. It was not repaired through the entire rest of the pages. When I was sitting around at work later, the next day after I had finished reading, I was struck in my mind by a bit in Ford's final message. "He's making it all up as he goes along." I know people have different readings of the meaning of that line, but for me that's what made me feel like maybe there's something to all this.
Suddenly it wasn't just "This book sounds nothing like Ford..." But rather "Maybe this book sounds nothing like Ford... because it isn't supposed to." And I started realizing stuff. Like "Hey... wasn't Ford drawn super incorrectly here?", or "Could this part really have happened?", or "Does this page make sense to even exist?". "What is it that creates such a strong sense of dissonance to these pages?" I have kept digging into more and more of what felt wrong ever since.
If you read through them without feeling like anything was off, or if there was it wasn't something you felt to be important, it makes sense my theory would not be for you.
But I believe in it.
And if I had my own chance to ask Alex, I would.
(Update: if you haven't seen the additions I made to this post, I ask you read them too)
#this one will probably get deleted too#who knows#bob investigations#explaining things is hard for me because its not that i think my idea is wrong#but rather- if i explain it in a way that isnt good- im ruining the ideas chance of being taken seriously and explored#like my failure to speak words properly is at fault#and im scared if i do a bad job explaining then ive like- killed it#i know that pressure isnt actually there and its a childrens book but thats what goes on up there#book of bill spoilers#the book of bill spoilers#long post
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Huevember: Day 3 - Amber Stalker 👁️🌲🌟
#huevember#huevember 2024#fanart#art#digital art#artist on tumblr#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#bill cipher#dipper pines#mabel pines#dipper and mabel#waddles#i am stepping so far out of my comfort zone with doing backgrounds i never ever do backgrounds they scare me#but i do really want to learn them#and i have to accept that in the process of learning something i am going to have to suck at it :)#i don't hate how this came out though#things i could have done better but opted to push forward and just get it done#improving my speed was another reason why i decided to do this so#rambling now :(#I FREAKIN FORGOR TO TITLE THIS
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