#doing the same thing i see dana doing and adding “thing you associate with them” instead of the last question because i think its good

[maribel-bat]

Oh u know what. Can u do astral

Why I like them/why I don’t: Love this guy tbh. Like, at first I don't think I was as much of a fan of Astral as I am now, but like, it totally changed very fast for me. He's awkward, unintentionally funny. I just think it's like...a really good combo especially when paired up with the way Yuma is.

What I like about their appearance: I really like the designs on his skin. It'll be a pain if I ever have to draw him but I think its a nice detail that adds some visual interest to him.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?: While they're both technically "Astral" I like the very sharp end to Astral more than "Asutoraru"

OTP: I'd say I'm a big fan of him and Yuma together. Like. Specifically in the sense of like being someone's partner to the point that you're almost their other half feels very deep and meaningful in a way that isn't even specifically tied to the bounds of traditional relationships and the way that most people see them.

NOTP: There are. So many tbh. People get so weird about this guy. Please be normal with Astral.

OT3: Maybe him, Yuma, and Tori? Again, I think it'd be a very different type of relationship than what would be the "OT3" general thought, but I think that Tori and Astral have mutual respect for each other enough to both be okay with sharing Yuma and still getting along, and Yuma has so much love in his heart for everyone that there's no shot someone feels left out, even with the different ways that they would interact together.

Favourite card they use: I'd say honestly any time he takes over and starts playing cards specifically out of Yuma's deck is just really funny to me I don't have a favorite. I'd say Utopia but that also feels like a really Yuma centric card.

Favourite moment they were in: There's obviously all the cool moments but I'll say that my favorite was Astral desperately trying to figure out whatever Yuma was doing on that duel coaster. Backseat driver who can do Nothing.

Least favourite moment: Okay I know its meant to be like really heartbreaking and stuff so it's not so much that I don't understand why it happened but I just. Really hated the bit where Astral left Yuma alone after that battle with Number 96.

Thing you associate with them: Sky blue asters, tbh. They've got the coloring, and I like the idea of associating someone so alien with something as simple as a flower.

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

Do you think Boscha should have been explored more or given a proper characterization instead of just pushing her aside or using her as a convenient threat? I don't think TOH acknowledged her or her feelings very much. And it spreads to the fandom too - I've met some truly awful fans who wanted her to die or be expelled or lose all her friends and family. Or all three. I do not think either the show or fans gave her fair treatment. She has kind of a low-key Belos treatment - hints are shown and it's clear to people deep enough in fandom that she's more than a flat bully, but the show chooses to keep her as a flat bully and not treat her as a person who may be traumatized from Amity suddenly snubbing her out of the blue and telling her to grow up and then everything that happened in the Collector's apocalypse. She's my favourite character, and I think part of it may be because I like the idea of her escaping everything and having a future she likes somewhere else. Preferably still in contact with Amelia and Cat and not with them refusing to speak to her ever again like so many seem to want. Has the literal child not suffered enough already, especially with them being turned to puppets?? She is going to have PTSD from everything, and that is a fact. She deserves to learn and grow and not be a punching bag for fans and characters in fan works to snub and beat up because the show did not do its job fleshing her out. And after Belos was stomped on, part of me can't help but wonder if Dana would endorse Willow beating up Boscha and her losing her friends and future too.

Justice for Boscha. She deserves more than this show.

Sorry to say, anon, but I barely remember anything about Boscha. While I sympathize with wanting to see your favorite character treated with more "respect" and as a deep character, sometimes, characters just fulfill a basic narrative role and that's it. And that's okay.

Since I can't adequately answer this ask, I've decided to outsource it. The following response is from @mdhwrites a certified Boscha fan: "NO.

I fucking love Boscha but absolutely not.

Honestly, if anyone wanted to have this, it should have been Amity. Commit to her being a bully. However, Boscha is a bit character who's narrative purpose is to make the audience further want her to abandon the entirety of her whole life for Luz. To make it so that it seems like literally everything to do with who she was before Luz was pure evil. As such... She honestly should have been LESS nuanced.

Kind of like Odalia, if you ask genuinely how terrible Boscha is, the answer is not really, including in relation to Amity. She follows Amity faithfully. Amity is the only person she doesn't mock, criticize or be cruel to. She doesn't target specific people for her bully tendencies, instead just being oppurtunistic of being fun. She never decided one person had to be eternally miserable like Amity did with Willow. Yes, there's Winging it Like Witches but that episode only functions if Boscha ALREADY DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WILLOW. She TURNED into focusing on Willow and by all signs would have stopped the intensity once Willow was no longer taking her spotlight. Yes, she's not the best person in the world but most people in Hexside, from what we can tell of her status as an outcast, would have said the same thing Boscha did about Willow: She's a failure and associating with her is social suicide.

I mean... I literally made a 300k story where Boscha became the main character because of the conflicts in the narrative intention and execution when it came to her character. I then added her as a major character to one of the longest things I have ever written, Little Miss Rich Witch kind of because they're right. Boscha has a lot of interesting elements going on with her that I can't tell if they were intended or not. They seem intended with S3 but even S3 makes her look terrible and is painful to watch as everyone discards her. The poster is just right that Boscha went through WAY fucking worse than Luz quite literally ever did. What Luz feared would happen to her if she told the truth, Boscha had happen to her following all the social rules that her best friend taught her or reinforced. What the fuck?

But again... Would that have made a better show? No. Boscha didn't actually have a place in this show besides as a punching bag. As someone to shirk blame off of from Amity, much like Odalia and hey, do you recognize that both of those characters are treated like they are somehow worse than Belos? Almost like Amity had a lot of fans projecting onto her which says TERRIBLE things about those people's unwillingness to recognize Amity's own monstrousness and willingness to just blame others? Amity is one of the most awkward elements of the show, given so much time and clear narrative direction with fucking awful execution that characters like Boscha suffer around her.

Boscha also suffers from TOH's "I'm not like other kid's shows" problem because other kid's shows would have written her more evil. Would have gone more over the top. They kept her grounded though because that's the more realistic and nuanced and 'mature' take. It's also just the worse one for your narrative."

[sepublic]

Construction Relic Theory

           In the Relic Room, we see magical relics representing each of the nine covens, such as the Green Thumb Gauntlet for the Plant Coven, Oracle Sphere for Oracles, Healing Hat for the Healing Coven, etc. The only exception is, curiously, the Construction Relic; There is no artifact for the Construction Coven! Now, speaking from a meta animators’ perspective… Perhaps there is no Construction Relic, because this could imbalance the otherwise symmetrical layout of the relics, four on each side from one another… Or, maybe the crew forgot to include the Construction Relic, and decided it wasn’t necessary alongside most of the Relics anyway, as it’d just be another static background detail.

           But what if the Construction Relic is intentionally missing- What if it was Belos’ castle?

           I mean, think about it- What we know of Construction magic, and how we’re specifically introduced to it, is the creation of buildings. And Belos’ castle is obviously an incredibly important location for him, pragmatically and thematically, and I’ve speculated in the past that it might serve an additional function as well; Perhaps something to do with the Titan’s heart? It’s also chock-full of pipes and technology, the likes of which we’ve never seen before…

           So what if the Construction Relic was used to create Belos’ castle… Or even, it took the form of it? And that’s why it’s not present with the other artifacts; Either it’s in another location, serving as the core and foundation for the castle itself… Or it just straight-up turned into it, as the culmination of Construction magic, devising and transforming into a massive fortress!

           Alternatively- What if it was Belos’ staff, instead? We’ve all talked about how technological it looks… Perhaps Belos built and upgraded the Construction Relic into the staff we see today, in order to better enhance his magical abilities? Again, he’s associated with the creation of technology, machines, and automatons- Construction magic fits well with engineering, so it makes sense that this would be the artifact most important to Belos, and the only one he keeps on his person… And it’s potentially how he managed to create so many things such as the portal, and even the castle itself!

           Furthermore, we see how Belos can essentially ‘create’ fleshy monsters, like the Intro Worm, and those stone and meat constructs when fighting Luz. This could also fit into the speculation of Belos shaping people, such as members of the Emperor’s Coven and Guard, into uniform bodies… His power could be related to that of reconstruction, of transmutation; But he does so with living bodies, and not just buildings or technology! Maybe it could play into how Belos is able to reconstruct his body, how he’s able to create his own version of the portal…

           In fact, maybe that’s how Belos would’ve been able to heal Eda; Not with the Healing Hat, but by using his Construction Relic to literally reconstruct her body, back into its original, normal self! Maybe that’s even how the Curse works in the first place; Maybe it’s actually Construction Magic, and it reconstructs the victim’s body into an Owl Beast! Construction magic, but the building materials are the parts of a person’s body… And so all this time, Luz and Lilith were looking for the wrong artifact; The Healing Hat was not the solution, it was the Construction Relic- Because the Curse is Construction-based, and unlike Belos, they never realized this!

           In fact, whether or not it’s Belos’ staff, maybe that’s why the Construction Relic is unseen- It’s deliberately hidden so Lilith can’t just steal and use it for herself on Eda, and then be done! Maybe Belos even intentionally put away the Construction Relic, to manipulate Lilith for this reason! Getting into a meta perspective, Dana Terrace says that her choice of Magic track would be Construction, given how artsy it is… And Belos is possibly that favorited masked character of hers she alluded to, in the Reddit AMA; Although it could just as easily be Owl Mask. Additionally, Belos has a bit of brown in his color scheme himself, in the form of his cowl-mask… Maybe THAT’s the Construction Relic, even! And Construction magic fits Belos as someone with a machine motif, who wants to build an entire empire and Coven System.

           Construction Relic is unusually underrepresented, despite it being Dana’s choice- Aside from Mattholomule, we barely see any practitioners. Perhaps Belos could help to fill that role in the story, even if he’s also capable of other forms of magic; Coven Leaders notwithstanding, it’d be neat to see each form of magic get fleshed out with a witch tied to it, with Construction being Belos’ favored manner of magic. If the Curse is Construction Magic, maybe it was made by Belos, given the red coloration it gives off; Though whether Belos intended for Lilith to use it on Eda, or if he just lost it and it passed through hands on the black market, until Lily bought it… And then Belos was able to recognize his own work and thus reverse it- I can’t say.

          And once again, I’m going to bring up Fullmetal Alchemist; Because if I AM right and Belos and Father have parallels, and transmutation and alchemy from that series helped to inspire the Glyphs… Then given how Fullmetal Alchemist places emphasis on the terms construction, deconstruction, and reconstruction as a central part of alchemy; Perhaps this could factor into Belos, who’s essentially doing this show’s equivalent to Chimeras and Human Transmutation… Possibly on himself, even! 

          If we got by his ability to create living constructs AND buildings with this theory, then suddenly this could recontextualize all of those buildings in the Boiling Isles that have body parts in them… With Belos either having a hand in their creation, or Construction Magic being foreshadowed as including some meaty bits as well! This could even tie into Hooty, who himself is a meaty part of a building, and is even brown himself! Maybe House Demons are a variety of demon created by Construction Witches, who incorporate body parts into buildings (possibly supplied by Beastkeepers) and bring them to life- And Belos is using the same principle with the Construction Relic, just with more emphasis on flesh!

          Buildings probably require a lot of stone and other earthen materials, and Belos can create rock formations and even move statues, or make them out of people... Suddenly I’m wondering if the Petrification Machine is connected to this relic? And if we go by the idea of construction magic assembling and fusing parts together, perhaps House Demons are regular demons who have been disassembled, and put back together with building materials to create a living house! Beastkeepers could supply body parts and demons, and maybe even help tame/subdue the resulting House Demons for usage afterwards- Working with the Construction Coven to create things like living alarm bells, watches, etc.!

           And if you even want to get REALLY meta, Construction Magic being underrepresented could be as part of a twist to get the audience to not think about and notice it… Before it REALLY comes into play! I guess amidst the comparisons to Hooty and Construction magic, that’s another similarity, based on @fermented-writers-block and their speculation on Hooty being intentionally played off as a joke for distraction…

           Granted, part of the problem with this theory is that the Relics are revealed to actually be pretty weak; Or at the very least, not particularly legendary- Anything they can do, a decent Witch trained in that magic could also do as well, I imagine. It’s why Lilith has no qualms with destroying the Healing Hat… But then again, if the Healing Hat didn’t work because it had no effect on a Construction-based Curse, then maybe it WAS powerful, but Lilith dismissed it as weak, because it couldn’t fix the curse like she needed it to?

          Perhaps the Relics are indeed what they’re hyped up to be, but because Lilith misunderstood the Curse’s nature, she thought the Healing Hat was much weaker than it actually was for not being able to fix it… If so, RIP- Lilith DID destroy a powerful artifact, then! Maybe Belos drained the Relics of most of their power, but saved the Construction Relic because of how important it was. Or, the Relics aren’t normally powerful, as Lilith claimed- But Belos was able to perform modifications to the Construction Relic, turning it into the mechanical staff we see today! Maybe the Construction Relic even created machinery that could enhance the original relic’s own magic; Potentially making it the most dangerous Relic, for its powers of Creation that enable it to bypass its own limits, unlike the other Relics!

          So of course Belos would want to keep it… And we’ve seen him capable of adding technology to supplement magical artifacts, like with the portal in the Season Finale. And with how Construction Witches from the Emperor’s Coven are clearly vital to Belos’ creation… Then it’s possible that Construction magic will be the hidden, overlooked, but ultimately invaluable ace up Belos’ sleeve, that everyone has been dismissing and underestimating this entire time! Construction magic being overlooked yet so important would be an interesting theme- Especially since out of the Coven Leaders, the Construction Head is the first and only one we’ve seen, and yet HIS appearance was played off so normally, that the viewers wouldn’t have recognized his relevance until The First Day!

          Just a normal part of the background, just another witch… But like the magic of his that is underestimated, the Construction Head turns out to be far more important than we could’ve imagined; And initially, we dismissed him as just an extra, as part of some minor world-building and even a brief joke! Suddenly, the Construction Head empowering Tiny Nose, Dana’s self-insert, with a Power Glyph derived from her magic of choice, takes on a WHOLE new meaning…!

[gustafsnightangel]

Shattered Lives Ch 37 Pt 1

She woke to Gustaf tangled with her, his ridiculously long legs wrapped around hers, arms cradling her body against his like she was the most precious thing in the world. His face mirrored the peace he’d found in sleep with her last night. She knew what she had to do today, the restraining orders wouldn’t take much, but it would drag up toxic emotions for him and shove it firmly down his throat. Her only hope was that she could lessen the blow, offer him some level of protection. One day she thought as he trailed a finger down his jaw before fanning her fingers out over his chest, one day you’ll be free of her.

Her kiss, soft and tender, brought him to the surface, that curvy body entwined with his. “Mine.” He growled sleepily, his hold on her tightening, her quiet chuckle against his lips making him smirk. “All mine.” He breathed as he deepened the kiss, she was his kryptonite.

“I need to pee.” She chuckled. “And make some calls.” She didn’t want to elaborate and drag Ana into their bed, but she needed to get the ball rolling.

“Come back to bed after?” He mumbled into her hair still half asleep, the scent of her intoxicating as he nuzzled her neck.

“I’ll bring food.” She murmured.

“As long as you come with the food, I don’t care. I want you in bed with me all day.” His knuckles brushed her cheek and those eyes of glacial blue locked onto his. “I love you.” He said softly, his tone carried all the love he had for her.

“I know you do. I love you too, but I have to pee or it’s gonna get messy in here in a very unpleasant way.” She chuckled, kissing him chastely as he untangled his limbs from around her.

He’d drifted back to sleep by the time she’d donned her robe and walked out to the kitchen. Dragging her laptop from her office to sit on the kitchen island she started to organize her thoughts as the kettle boiled. Tea and notes, then phone calls.

She paced as she spoke to the police, seethed as they told her their investigation had stalled.

“You’ll have the paperwork to formally press charges by this afternoon.” She snapped. “You’re damn right we intend to. Now do your damn job and find her.”

He woke with a start at her tone, that ice cold fury unleashed on some unsuspecting soul. On any other day he’d revel in the lawyer surfacing, today it made his gut plummet. “Fucking Ana.” He sighed and punched the pillow. He could hear the anguish in her voice, the fear that the kids were in danger.

“I’m also serving her with a restraining order, several in fact, and accompanying injunctions. I have four children detective, I’m not giving her the chance to come after one of them, because if that happens from your departments lack of action, believe me when I tell you, this conversation will feel like I’ve congratulated you on the happiest day of your life.”

He couldn’t help the smirk, damn she was sexy as fuck when the lawyer came out to play. “Though she’s not playing this time around.” He murmured and continued to listen to her set the detective straight about how this was all going to happen.

“Put detective Leon Holmberg on the phone, right now.” She snapped, on her last fucking nerve. “I’ll wait.” She added sternly while he finished up whatever call he was on.

“Asshole.” She spat as the call was transferred. He wasn’t really, she was just pissed and emotional. Sure he was doing his job and she was emotionally invested in this, but stonewalling her wasn’t going to fly on any case, especially a personal one.

“Sildie? Sorry for the wait.” Leon’s gruff voice sounded as she sent an email off.

“It’s fine Leon, I just don’t appreciate the bullshit from your associate.” Her and Leon had crossed paths a few time in court with various cases, they were both straight shooters and got along well.

“He’s green, oh so green.” He chuckled. “Though your tongue lashing might have knocked some of that off him. He’ll learn. God were we ever that young?”

“Maybe twenty years ago.” She snorted. “And he’ll learn that stonewalling me isn’t in his best interest. Even when I’m not working.” She sniped. “Can you give me an update?”

“Sure. We visited her apartment last night once we were done at your door, she wasn’t home, so we visited her boyfriends apartment. He was there, she wasn’t. He was high and there was also a large quantity of drugs on his table in plain sight which he denies purchasing, they’re at the lab for forensics. If her prints are on it we’ll pick her up again.” She focused on what he was saying and added it all to her notes, fingers flying over the keyboard. “As for the tagging of your doors, we can charge them both as I said last night to Gustaf, nothing much will come of it, maybe a fine, but it’ll be documented.”

“Charge them both.” She said bluntly, no fucks given at how pissed she sounded at this point. “It’ll be enough to slap her with restraining orders and injunctions. I need to keep her away from Gustaf and away from our kids.”

He choked up a little, she was protecting him, fighting for him, for them. Our kids, Gustaf’s grin bloomed, he liked the sound of that, our kids, not hers, ours.

“I’ll send you over the police report, any findings. Are you filing yourself?”

“I’ll probably get Elsa to file on our behalf, she knows the kids and history which makes it easier. I’m too close to this to keep a level head. Gustaf has his own team of lawyers so I’ll talk to him and see what he wants to do.” She sighed.

“I’m going to head back to her place and try to track her down later today, I’ll up the urgency as much as I can. It’ll help once the orders and injunctions are in place, send me a copy as soon as they’re filed. I might be able to sit someone on her for a few days. I’m sorry there isn’t more I can get her on at the moment.”

“Give it time.” She muttered. “She’ll come at me again I’m sure.”

“People like that usually don’t stop or change.” He said softly. “Just be careful.”

“Plan on it. Thanks for the update and keep me in the loop?” She asked.

“Of course. I’ll email the reports over in about twenty.”

“Sounds good. Thanks Leon. I appreciate everything you can do.” She hung up and sighed, scrubbing a hand over her face. Taking a few deep breaths she got her thoughts down, and started making breakfast. As she put the bacon in the oven she called Elsa. Dana’s partner picked up on the third ring with a cautious hello.

“Elsa, hey it’s Sildie.”

“Everything ok?”

“Sort of, the kids are fine, but we had an incident at Gustaf’s apartment, and mine.”

“What’s going on?”

He could hear her on the phone, laying out the entire situation from the office Christmas party, to Lucas’s visit, to the tagging of their front doors. Who was she speaking to now, he wondered?

“Can I make a suggestion?” Elsa asked, all business.

“Anything at this point. Just tell me I’m not overreacting.” She sighed pinching the bridge of her nose near her eyes to relieve the headache she could feel brewing.

“File the restraining orders, the injunctions, they probably won’t do much to deter her, but at least it’ll go on her record if she confronts you. I suggest Gustaf do the same, I’ll draw it up for him to save time. Have him send me his lawyers contact info and I’ll keep them in the loop. Once yours is filed I’ll file for the kids. I’m with you on that Sildie, let’s get them protected just in case.”

“Can you have them to me by today?” She chewed on her bottom lip, the anxiety building. “I know it’s the holidays but...”

“Give me a couple of hours and I’ll email it over. Once you’re both happy with them I’ll file it electronically and they can serve her with them this afternoon.” Elsa cut in. “It’s no issue Sildie.”

“I just got off the phone with the detective, they’ll need a copy too.” She said softly and relayed her conversation to get Elsa up to speed. “I’m so fucking angry. We’ve worked hard to get the kids settled, moved in together, fought hard to get through all her shit, he doesn’t need this Elsa, none of them do.”

“I don’t blame you, I’d be pissed too and you don’t need this either Sildie. You’ve gone through enough shit in the past year yourself. I’d call Lindstrom, and Lucas. I don’t think this will help his case, but it could add weight if the drugs have her prints and especially if the drugs are the same chemical signature as the ones Lucas found in his apartment.” Elsa let the silence linger giving Sildie a moment to think.

“He’s my next call. I’ll send you over a cease and desist and let’s add that to the injunction.” She chewed on her bottom lips and let the case fall into place in her mind. “It’ll need to include Gustaf’s family as well, mother, father, all his siblings. I need them all covered. Eija and Alex are in this mess as well if she goes that far.”

“Done, we can file it all together, cake walk.” Elsa said taking more notes as Sildie rattled off the full names of each sibling and their addresses.

He lay there thinking over what he’d just heard. His goddess protecting everything and everyone he loved, those that was dear to him. “What did I do to deserve you lovely lady?” He mumbled, in awe of the woman he’d fallen so hard for.

“I want to hit her with it all, I’m not fucking around and I want it made perfectly clear I will not put up with her shit.” She growled, her mind was made up, all or nothing, she had a family to protect and a sweet man that had worked too damn hard for a measure of peace.

He knew that tone and quietly got up, pulling some sweats on before shuffling out to the kitchen. She was riding on fury, the seething anger fueling her determination to stitch this up tight, the underlying emotion ready to tear her apart when she was done.

“Give me until one Sildie and I’ll call you once I’ve sent it over.”

“Thanks Elsa, sorry to ruin your new year so quickly.” Her eyes flicked to Gustaf and away again as she paced the room. So angry, he thought, this was nothing like the night she’d ripped into him in his workout room, or when she got drunk outside her apartment, this was a whole other level of supremely fucked off.

“There nothing I won’t do to protect Dana’s kids, or you. We’ll keep them safe.”

“I owe you one.”

“Girls night out sometime, I miss that.” Elsa chuckled.

“Done. Thanks again.” Her smile lightened his concern a little, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Anytime Sildie, and I mean that. You could have called last night and I would have answered.”

Sildie chuckled. “I was still processing it. Bye for now.” She knew he’d been there for the last part of the conversation and she sighed out the tension as his arms wrapped around her.

“Everything ok?”

“It will be. I have paperwork in process and I need your lawyers information.” She turned to kiss him. “Elsa will do up a restraining order and injunction for you and your family and have your team look over it before filing.”

“Looking after me?” He said gently.

“Damn right I’m looking after you.” She muttered as his mouth claimed that one spot on her neck.

“I like it when you look after me, get all feisty.” She could feel the smirk against her skin, he was trying to get her to relax, take her mind off it.

“And what are you doing out of bed? I told you to stay there so I could bring you food.” She flicked his nose before kissing him with a slight smile. Her attempt at hiding the anger was a good effort, but he saw it for what it was, she was scared.

“I heard your tone change.” He said gently. “I wanted to make sure you’re ok.” He could hear the stress and anxiety in her voice and knew she’d need to release it and soon before the anxiety pushed her into a panic attack.

“I’ll be better when I have shit in place that clearly states. Don’t fuck with me and mine.” She tapped his arm as the timer went off to pull the bacon out of the oven. “I have to call Lindstrom and Lucas in a bit too. I don’t know if this will help his case any, but they need to know.” She turned the pan on to make scrambled eggs and let the task calm her.

He let her talk, the more she was talking about it the less she was holding in, they were a team and even though they were still finding their feet as a couple, this was what built trust and dependability, they were there for each other tackling shit together.

“So because it’s an isolated incident they may not be able to use it?” He asked trying to understand how it all worked.

“Exactly. It has nothing to do with Lucas, but, if the drugs in the dudes apartment have her prints, same chemical makeup, it could help their case. It’s a pattern.”

“It was a stupid move on her part.” He muttered. “Letting herself be seen.”

“It was, but I don’t think she knew we had cameras installed.” Sildie said honestly.

“And I don’t think she knows what she’s up against with you love. Most people back down and can’t be bothered with the hassle of going to the police, so she gets away with it. I’m guilty of doing exactly that, I just kicked her out I didn’t call the police on her. Not you though, you’re like a fucking pitt bull.” He chuckled.

“I can’t watch her fuck with you again.” She said quietly, her tone quivering. “And she sure as shit doesn’t get to fuck with our kids.” She spat.

“No, she doesn’t. Is there anything I can do? Need to do to help this along? Anything?” He said tenderly, fingers stroking her cheek.

She shook her head. “No, just your lawyers info and let me handle her.” She busied plating the eggs and stacked the bacon beside it. “If they establish a pattern with her purchasing drugs it could drag you into it.” She said quietly and felt like she’d kicked a puppy when she looked at him.

“Shit.” He felt like the floor had dropped out from beneath him.

“Yeah.” She sighed. “I don’t know if that’s her plan, but it’s a possibility and I don’t want it to blindside you.” She kissed him tenderly. “Talk to your lawyers.” She said bluntly. “I’m absolutely serious.” She added when he snorted. “I’m talking to Lindstrom here in a bit and I’ll be asking him to represent you if things go pear shaped.”

“You seriously think it could go that far?” He asked, a touch of fear edging his voice.

“If, and that’s a big if, if they establish pattern they can charge her with more. It becomes trafficking which is a heftier charge. I’d have to look it up, but it adds weight against her case and in favor for Lucas’s. If they establish pattern and look deeper they could look at your relationship with her, same pattern. You found drugs she’d purchased and kicked her out. What about the person before you, and before them? Same deal I suspect. Just be prepared ok?”

“I didn’t even think of that.” He said slightly stunned.

“I don’t know what her end game is love. I can only give you plausible worst case scenarios with evidence that may not be viable. I don’t know whether it’s to bring you down, smear you across the media, or to get back at me for calling her out on her shit at the Christmas party, but I’m not going to see you dragged into a fight blindly.” She picked up a piece of bacon and nibbled, her mind chewing over everything, the fury still rolling off her in waves. “And you sure as shit aren’t facing her on your own.”

“I’m sorry love.” He murmured and kissed her temple drawing her close.

”No, you don’t get to apologize for her either. This is shitty, but I’m not going to stand by and watch her try to destroy you again. She picked the wrong bitch to fuck with this time.” She was so angry, more out of fear for Gustaf and the kids than herself. “Sorry. I don’t mean to snarl and snipe at you, I’m just so fucking livid.”

“I know.” He kissed her brow again. “Let it go now.” He murmured. “Together love.” He said softly, his fingers toying with her wisps of hair at her cheek. “Let it go.”

“I know.” She sighed and felt the fight drain from her as he kissed her brow and lingered. “I know.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Fuck this blows.” She huffed.

“Yeah, but you were right with what you said last night. We can’t let her get between us or let her win, she’s a blip. We deal with the blip and move on with what we’re doing, our life. Together.” He put the kettle on to boil as they stood and ate the rest of their meal at the kitchen counter, she was too agitated to sit still. Once the tea was made and she’d eaten half of her plate he pulled her to him. “Do what you need to do, then let it be for the day, because then I want to take you back to bed and finish what we started last night.” He growled as he nuzzled her neck.

Her giggle lightened his heart. “You’re right.” She kissed him sinfully, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Let me make some calls and then we can let it go for the day.”

“That’s my girl.” He purred, mouth savaging hers. She left the comfort of his arms to walk toward her office, the nibble of her bottom lip more out of being lost in thought of her upcoming conversation than teasing, the smack to her ass however was firm enough to sting. “Don’t push your luck kitten.” He growled. She sent him a wicked smirk and her thoughts seemed to change mid stride.

She was sure he was going to spank her last night but didn’t, understandibly, would he do it today? “Fuck I hope so.” She sighed to herself as she sat at her desk and turned her computer on. She could do with some borderline pleasurable pain to get over whatever this was she was feeling. Anger, resentment, fury, rage, guilt, grief, jealousy, all of the above, she thought. It was the jealousy that unnerved her, such an ugly emotion and she was better than that.

She made her own notes, her own case file, documenting everything that happened and the steps she’d taken to protect her family. Her family, she thought and her fingers stopped over the keys as she looked at the digital photo frame of the six of them, the only family she had left. She would protect them the only way she knew how, with the law. She’d fought for the kids before and she’d fight for Gustaf and his family too.

He left her to work knowing that if he interrupted her now he’d get the lawyer land stare. She had a process, and a need to make this right, to protect him, to protect the kids in her own way. Pulling the gloves on he worked the bag, his own need to process his thoughts, he needed the physical exertion. Letting the events of last night play in his mind he dealt with the anger and frustration that came with it, pounding the bag mercilessly until his muscles begged him to stop. He felt better for it once he sat for meditation, the calm washing over him and filling him much quicker and easier now he’d put it in its place. The process had become easier since Sildie, the calm he found with her. She was right, he’d come too far to let minor shit with Ana get in his head and fuck with him. And this was minor shit, an inconvenience, a blip.

She could hear him in his workout room as she put the kettle on to boil and decided to leave him be. The door was open and he wasn’t shutting her out, he was processing last night just as she had been doing as she worked. He’d come to her when he was done and knew his mindset would be better for it. Taking the fresh pot of tea to her office she sat and called Lucas.

“Sildie? Hi, happy new year.” Lucas said brightly, but she could hear the uncertainty in his voice, probably wondering why she was calling him.

“Hey, happy new year.” She tried to sound cheerful and failed.

“Everything ok?”

“Not really, no. You got a minute to chat?” She chewed on her lip.

“Of course, what’s going on?” His tone became instantly concerned.

She relayed the events of last night, the paperwork she’d already filed and scrubbed a hand over her face. “I don’t know where that leaves you, or how it affects you, but I wanted you to know.”

“Shit.” He sighed out. “I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault, you’re not responsible for her actions.” She said a little too harshly and was sure he’d flinched at her tone. “Sorry, I’m a little pissy.” She added hearing her abrasive tone and took a breath.

“I know, I just... you know what I mean. I’m surprised you haven’t hit nuclear yet.” He said huffing a chuckle.

“I’m working on it.” She snorted.

“Definitely call Lindstrom. I’ll catch him up on most of it tomorrow when we discuss charges of my own against her for the funds she stole, but he’ll want to hear it from you.” Lucas added.

“I need to talk to him about another matter too.” She said and told him her theory and possible pattern of behavior landing Gustaf in the hot seat. “I’ll copy you on our case, in the event it helps yours.”

“Shit Sildie, I didn’t even think of that. What are you guys going to do?” He asked.

“Let it play out for now. I want Lindstrom in our corner if it goes south. If she comes for me again we’re protected, law wise, other than that there’s not much more I can do.”

“Good plan. How did she get into the building, I thought they had it locked down?” He asked as she poured her tea.

“Her newest squeeze lives downstairs.” She told him of her conversation with Leon. “I know it’s petty but she’s due for some fucking karma.” She sighed out sipping her tea. “I just want her gone from our lives.”

“God yes, you and me both. Leon’s a good guy, he’ll keep it active.” She could hear the honesty in his voice.

“You holding up ok?” She asked sipping her tea.

“Yeah. It looks as though they’re not going to charge me. She tried to cover her tracks, but didn’t do a very good job of it. I’m about to have it out with the bank. It just adds more weight, you know how it is. Slow and methodical, build the case.”

“Good luck with the bank. Knowing her she had a whole cocked up sob story to get her whatever her little black heart desired.” Sildie snarked, god she was in such a pissy mood as she heard her tone.

“No doubt.”

“Anyway, I gotta run.” She said as Gustaf appeared in the doorway, empty cup in hand searching for the teapot. “I just wanted you to know what she was up to.”

“I appreciate it Sildie. Call Lindstrom he’ll want to know.”

“Sounds good, take care.”

“You too.”

She hung up and blew a breath out, scrubbing a hand over her face. “Fuck me I want to hunt that bitch down and end her myself right the fuck now.” She huffed and let it go, she had to or it would eat her alive. Too fucking late she thought, she was irritable and on edge, and it made her twitchy. She hated twitchy.

“She’ll get what she’s owed love, in spades.” He said softly as he placed his hands on the arms of her chair and leaned in to kiss her sweetly. He hated seeing her like this. “You’ll end her your own way, with the law behind you.” He kissed her again. “What else is bothering you love?”

“I don’t know.” She said quickly, a little too quickly, but she was telling the truth, she didn’t know what was up today. Was it Ana, last night with his family, remnants of the move, Christmas, she wondered? It was like someone had shaken up a hornets nest and made her swallow it whole.

“I don’t like seeing you on edge like this.” He said gently.

“I don’t like being on edge, but I am, and I don’t know why.” Her voice cracked as a surge of unwelcome emotion threatened to consume her.

He kissed her tenderly. “Are you done for the day?” He asked, lips ghosting hers. He wanted to take care of her, soothe her and help her to find the release she needed to deal with whatever this emotion was that had her so worked up. That was the one thing he could give her, the sex that set her free, that allowed her to let go of the control and rid herself of whatever it was smothering her, suffocating her.

“I just have to wait for Elsa to call me back at one and I need to email Lindstrom. There’s not much he can do today that can’t wait until he’s back in the office, but I want it there in his inbox first thing when Lucas talks to him.” She murmured relaxing back and letting him slowly devour her mouth. Her phone rang and she smirked against his lips. “It must be one.”

“Must be. Come back to bed when you’re done love.” He said, the hint of demand lacing his words, it wasn’t a request. He would set her free on another level, and she needed it, he thought.

“Hi Elsa.” She said answering the call and watching him as he walked to the door. She bit her bottom lip as he turned to look at her, the heated desire in his glare spoke volumes.

That look from under her lashes and her bottom lip trapped between her teeth was enough to send his arousal into the stratosphere. With a deep rumbling snarl he stalked to the bedroom and set his plan in motion.

“Thanks Elsa. I’ll sign these and get them straight back to you.” She said with a steady breath.

“I’ll have them served this afternoon.”

“You’re the best.” She breathed a sigh of relief, she’d done all she could today to make sure they were safe yet she felt it wasn’t enough.

“I’ve sent a copy to Gustaf’s team, but his isn’t as urgent as yours and the kids. Yours will cover his apartment because that’s where you’re living. I’ve covered all the bases with the injunction and your cease and desist is perfect, I can have that cover Gustaf and his family as well, I’ll modify it to fit.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“I’ll call you next week, I have to run.” Elsa chuckled when her four year old screamed from the other room.

“No problem and thanks again Elsa.”

“You bet.”

She read and signed each order and emailed it back to Elsa, the weight lifting from her shoulders the moment she hit send. “I’ve done all I can do.” She breathed out shakily. “Now we let it be.” She huffed a breath out. “Yeah... right.” Yes she’d taken it as far as she could legally take it by protecting Gustaf’s family, but there was always the what if. She thought of Eija and Alex in particular and knew she now had to give them a heads up. “It never fucking ends.” She growled and scrubbed a hand over her face.

She took the teapot to the kitchen and rinsed it out.

“Hey can you text me the phone numbers for Eija and Alex?” She asked Gustaf as he walked into the kitchen.

“Sure, everything ok?” He asked as he’d come into the kitchen to talk to her about the kids and was completely thrown off by her request.

“Yeah, or it will be. I had the restraining orders against Ana include your family. They all need to know if Ana contacts them in any way they need to call the police and file a complaint.”

“Well shit.” He sighed.

“Yeah, it’s a pain in the ass, but this is how you build a case. Every time she contacts someone with a restraining order it goes in her file and won’t look so good with those sorts of violations on her record when she goes to court.”

He hastily texted her the numbers she requested and added Sam, and Valter. “Text them all, it’ll be better coming from you, I’ll only fuck up the wording.” He snorted, it was the truth.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. This is your realm love not mine, but I’ll back you up all the way.” He kissed her tenderly. “Dad and Megan texted, which is why I came out here. They’re taking the kids to a movie and bowling.” He said as he turned her in his arms to nibble her neck. “And they’re keeping the kids tonight as well.” His father had offered once Gustaf had told him of their welcome home present last night. They both needed another night and the kids were happy spending time with grandpa.

“Oh, they... ok.” She stammered, she felt her gut sink suddenly, that jealousy churning inside her. Would they be ok was her first thought and then scolded herself for being so silly. Of course they’ll be ok, she snapped at herself silently. The jealousy was another matter, it sat heavy inside her like a greasy taint.

“You’re not ok with it?” He shook his head, he should have cleared it with her first. I’m an idiot, he swore silently, such an idiot.

“No, I’m fine with it, just wasn’t expecting... never mind.” She shook her head, she couldn’t let her emotions cloud the fact the kids now had a family that cared, to give them what she missed out on. That wasn’t fair on them and she wouldn’t be that person. “It’s a good thing.” She had to give a little here, Gustaf should make decisions for them as well, she knew he had their best interests at heart. It was all just happening at an alarming rate and she wasn’t sure she was handling it all very well. Let’s be real, she scoffed internally, you’re not handling any of this well.

“As long as you’re fine with it. I’ll ask next time.” He mentally kicked himself again for not asking in the first place.

“No it’s ok, I trust you with them love, I just need to relinquish control and I’m just... pissy.” She snarked at herself. “I’m trying, but you know me, control freak extraordinaire.” She snapped.

“I know you’re trying love. He offered and I thought it would be nice for them and for us.” He wanted to make her feel less of the stress she was currently burdened with. This was so much more than Ana, more than Quinn.

“I’m sorry, I’m on edge and irritated at everything. I need to text your family.” Her tone was abrasive as she pulled away from him to go do exactly what she’d said.

He knew her mood wasn’t because of him, but it stung, it hurt to see her wrestling something he couldn’t see, couldn’t fix, and her not being able to voice it made it that much worse. Was it last night, he wondered, the jealousy she’d felt? It was a deeper emotion, something that had surged forward along with everything else. “My love.” He muttered as she stomped away. “How do I help you?” His text tone chimed and he read it as she wandered back into the kitchen. He gave her room, some space to digest events, her own emotions.

Hi Everyone

Her text read.

Gustaf and I will chat with you all later in the week to give you the details, but so you are aware, due to an incident at our home last night we have a restraining order out against Ana. The order lists all of you, so if she contacts you in any way please contact the police and file a report. Please have them attach it to the following: Restraining Order #936358-ND-65. Attention: Detective Leon Holmberg. If she contacts you say nothing other than “you are violating your restraining order, I can’t talk to you” and walk away or hang up, do not engage her in conversation in any manner even if she continues to follow you, talk, or harass you. The order is for your protection, please use it. I’ll email you copies and further instruction once the paperwork is served on her this afternoon. Please keep that in mind the more she contacts you the worse it is for her providing you file the report and don’t retaliate.

His phone rang a moment later and he smirked as Eija’s number came on the screen.

“What’s up nugget?” He said cheerily and saw the quick smile on Sildie’s face at his endearment.

“What’s up? Really Goose? Your girlfriend sends me a text saying all hell broke loose last night and you ask me what’s up? You fucker, why didn’t you call me?” Her tone dripping with sarcasm. “You guys ok?”

“Were fine.” He said gently as he watched Sildie pace, it was eating at her.

“Put me on speaker.” He did as she asked and pulled Sildie to him, anything to calm the raging storm under her skin.

“Hi Eija.” Sildie said softly.

“Hi back. What the fuck happened?” Sildie appreciated Eija, blunt and to the point much like she was. Gustaf relayed the events of the evening sensing Sildie was over talking to people about this for the day, it was his family after all and he needed to pick up the slack.

“Sildie you need anything from me you call ok?” Eija said fiercely. “I don’t give a fuck about what time it is or what I’m in the middle of, where you or the kids are, you need me, you fucking call.”

“Thanks Eija.” She smiled, the feeling of being accepted by his family choking her up. How did she deserve this, deserve them? Family pulls together when something happens, protects each other, this was so new for her. Hadn’t Stellan said the exact same thing to her last night?

Gustaf fielded calls from all his siblings and finally his mother as Sildie sipped her tea and zoned out. He’d only heard his mother get angry a few times in her life, but she was beyond livid, not at Sildie, or at him, angry at the situation and the potential harm it could do to her kids, her family. He promised to call her later in the week, to come over for lunch.

“Your dad texted me back letting me know the kids are safe and will continue to be.” She said softly still staring at her phone. How did she process such love from a family that barely knew her, a family that accepted her so openly and unconditionally?

“He’ll keep them safe love.” He murmured, bundling her into his arms. “My dad is a force to be reckoned with when he’s angry, especially if it involves his kids, or in this case, his grand kids.” He kissed her gently and looked at her slightly perplexed when she pulled away to pace. She was agitated, still on edge and he was at a loss as to why. He watched her take her laptop back to her office and disappear.

“My love, how do I help you when you push me away?” He sighed and went to the bedroom, knowing she was compartmentalizing to get through this shit storm before falling apart. She had the email to write to Lindstrom and once that was done he’d see to it that she relaxed and decompressed.

She typed furiously as the letter to Lindstrom flowed easily. Laying out their case, the possibility of pattern behavior, Gustaf, Lucas, her kids. She choked and sucked a shuddered breath in. Her limit of holding back her anxiety had almost reach critical mass for the day and knew once the letter was sent her system was going to freak the fuck out and own her ass. After sending the email to Lindstrom, she sent emails to Oliver, Daisy, the school, and daycare, hockey, soccer, covered all bases. She knew she was being overly cautious. “Better than the alternative.” She muttered.

Gustaf was nowhere to be found in the main living area when she eventually emerged from her office, her laptop now closed, paperwork neatly stacked. Coming into the bedroom she could hear water running from the en-suite and figured he was taking a shower. He must be so upset with me, she thought. Her behavior wasn’t exactly pleasant today, she’d snapped and spat at him all day like some deranged cat, anger and rage mixed with jealousy. She didn’t like herself when she got like this.

“Good timing.” He said as he stepped into the room to find her standing at the window staring out at the snowfall.

“I’m sorry.” She said softly, her eyes fixed on the fat snowflakes tumbling to the ground.

“For what love?” He came to stand beside her, the urge to touch her strong, but he sensed she needed to come to him, her system frazzled.

“For the way I spoke to you earlier, I’ve been in a pisser of a mood since I woke up and I’ve been taking it out on you. That’s not who I am and you deserve better from me.” She choked.

“It’s ok.” His tone tender.

“No, Gustaf it’s not.” She said turning to face him, the tell tale wheeze of her anxiety prevalent. “I don’t like being this person, the one that’s so fucking terrified that she bites your head off every chance she gets.” She struggled to suck in a breath and he was in front of her a heart beat later.

“Breathe.” He commanded softly, leaning his forehead against hers as she tried to do as he asked. “And again love.” He murmured, as she managed a small one. He talked to her, helping her focus on one breath after another until she took a deep breath and let it shudder out.

“I’m sorry.” She choked. “I don’t like who I am right now.”

He kissed her, full on wrapped her face in his gigantic hands and devoured every inch of that gorgeous mouth. It wasn’t seductive, it was to shut her up and shock her into silence, it worked. “It’s ok. Sometimes you have to get in the mood to get shit done, to kick some ass and take some names, you’ve done that. All day you’ve done that. Now it’s time to let it be.” He murmured and kissed her tenderly.

“I’m scared.” She admitted quietly. “And this jealousy I have no fucking right to feel just bubbles out of nowhere.” Her tone was so lost, he thought. It hadn’t been that way for a while.

“I know you’re scared love.” He took a chance and slowly bundled her into his arms. “I’m not feeling particularly great about it all either. But as you keep reminding me, we can’t let her win.” Her snort made him smirk.

“God you’re so fucking right.” She sighed. “And here I am letting her do exactly that.” She was such an idiot.

“At least you channeled it into something useful.” He chuckled taking a dig at himself. “I’ll remind you if you remind me?” He said gently as he kissed her brow.

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I. I should have got my lazy ass up and helped.” He scoffed at himself.

“There wasn’t anything for you to help with really.”

“I could have made breakfast.” He smiled at her chuckle, she was coming back to him. “So, to make up for that faux pas, come with me a moment.” He took her by the hand and led her to the bathroom where the tub was full, bubbles and the soft candlelight almost instantly calming her. “In you get. I’m going to make tea and come and join you.”

“I love you.” She said softly, her voice quavering, he was so good to her.

“I love you too.” He kissed her tenderly as he slipped the silk robe from her shoulders, hands roaming her body with a need to soothe, to nurture, to give. “Get in the tub love. Let it be done for today and relax.” He murmured, his lips ghosting hers before he kissed her slowly and pulled away to go and make tea.

Her moan was delirious as she slipped into the blistering hot water, he knew how she liked it. Letting the thoughts of the day melt from her brain she started to drift, the anxiety falling away to finally allow her to relax. She’d done all she could to keep those she loved safe, to help start building a case against Ana if it came to that. Her thoughts went to the kids, the ten day vacation in the snow that Gustaf had booked, and smiled. That would be some good bonding time for all of them. How could she be jealous of that? “Stupid.” She huffed. “You’re just being a selfish stupid woman.”

The clink of china on the tile roused her from the warm and sleepy state she’d fallen into while he’d been gone, the thoughts of children of their own again drifting through her consciousness every now and then.

“You’re all soft and sleepy.” He said quietly, the arousal of her in such a state edging his tone. Bending down to kiss her his hand slipped beneath the water to touch her, fingers teasing as his mouth claimed hers. “Can I join you?”

“Mmmm.” She sighed dreamily. Moving forward Gustaf climbed in behind her and stretched out, bundling her into his lap.

“Now this is much better.” He purred, the water easing the stress from his body in an instant. “I brought snacks, I figured you wouldn’t want a huge meal.”

“It’s perfect.” She relaxed back against that massive chest, his arms curling around her protectively, the tenderness of his touch reassuring her that they would be ok. They talked softly, sipping their tea, snacking, the lazy strokes of his fingers making her entire body turn to goo. He smirked against the nape of her neck as a shiver skittered over her skin as his lips tended a favorite spot.

“I’m falling asleep I’m so relaxed.” She chuckled, his mouth seductively toying with her earlobe.

“I love it when you’re all soft and warm and sleepy.” He dipped his head down to gently bite her shoulder.

“I know you do.” She sighed as his hands cupped her breasts. Turning the jets on he continued to caress her body, arouse her, seduce her, determined to see her fully relaxed and sated before sleep claimed her.

When she was almost a complete mess he helped her out of the bath and wrapped a towel around her, pulling her close. He had a need to take care of her today, after all the upheaval of the last twenty four hours he needed it as much as she did.

Walking her back to the bed his mouth claimed hers, lazy, tender, yet demanding. Fingers removed the towel and he kissed her as she climbed on to the bed. Rolling her to her side he wrapped her top leg around him and slipped into that glorious wet heat. He made love to her, pulling each soft cry and whimper from her with heartbreaking tenderness.

“Gustaf.” Her voice choked, he could hear the sob waiting ready to fall as soon as she came.

“I know love, let it take you.” He murmured, the slow, deep thrusts caressing that one spot inside her that would be her undoing. His finger stroked over her clit, the sensation tipping her over the edge. She came hard, the soft cry of his name tumbling from her lips peaking his own release. Quickening his pace slightly he rode out their bliss, coming hard.

Her body shook as he slowed and gently pulled out to lay beside her, the tears came next. He was expecting them after the stress of the morning, the anger that still simmered beneath the surface, her inner turmoil. “Come here love.” He murmured, curling her into him. “Let it go.” He kissed her hair, the scent of her soothing him.

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed.

“It’s fine. Let it go.” He soothed as his fingers gently raked through her hair. She calmed eventually, the sobs giving way to just tears, Gustaf didn’t know what was worse really, he hated it when she cried but knew that sometimes she was better for it. “Too much today and last night.” He said softly.

“Overload.” She sniffed, as she burrowed into his chest, his scent soothing the rough edges of her distress and the strength she found with him.

“Sleep now love.” He kissed her brow and pulled the covers over them both.

“Boring for you.” She scoffed, her tone telling him she was already drifting.

“I have you in my arms love, nothing boring about that. I think we could both use the rest.” She craned her head back to look at him.

“I love you and I’m sorry.” She said gently, her fingers brushing his lips.

“I love you and I’m sorry too.” He smiled and nipped her fingers. “That tickles.” He chuckled and her smile loosened the tight feeling in his chest. “Close you eyes and sleep, or just drift, switch that wicked smart brain of yours off for a few hours. We have nowhere to be or to do anything else today.” He soothed, his fingers coasting up and down the length of her side. “A nap will be good for both of us.”

“I’m scared.” She whispered, as if voicing it would bring down a world of hurt on them both.

“I know you are love, I am too.” He snuggled her in tighter. “But we stick together, you and me.” Her nod made him smile. “We’ll have a week and change with the kids in the snow, far away from her and all this shit. We’ll take a breath, recharge, and then hit her with everything we have.” He kissed her hair. “I’m not going to let her destroy what we have Sildie.” He vowed, and her head came up off his chest and her kiss was fierce.

“I love you sweet man.”

“She doesn’t get to fuck with this family.” He growled. She kissed him, that tender kiss that rocked him to his core.

“You’re so much stronger than her.”

“Because I have you. You make me a better man Sildie, a better person, and she doesn’t get to fuck with that.”

“I’m worried about the kids, when they go back to school.” She was still processing, struggling to switch it off.

“I know love. Hopefully this will be done by then. And if it isn’t...” He tangled his fingers in that copper halo he adored and devoured her mouth slowly. “If it isn’t, we’ll deal with it, together, you and me.” He smiled at her. “Though I don’t think you’d have any problem kicking her ass seven ways to Sunday on your own regardless.” He gave her lips a quick peck in jest. “But you’re not alone love, I’ll help take her down anyway I can.” He kissed her tenderly. “Sleep a bit now ok?” Shut it down for a few hours and recharge.”

“Will you stay?” She breathed out as he felt her entire body relax into him, the need to know he would be here when she woke overwhelming.

“I’m not going anywhere love.” He kissed her hair as he felt her plummet into sleep at his words.

His thoughts drifted, there was nothing else either of them could do about the current situation. They had exhausted all options apart from committing homicide to rid the world of Ana’s existence. Sildie had busted ass today to keep everyone he loved safe, not just him and the kids, but his entire family. A family that she’d only just become a part of, a family that she was still getting a feel for, so new, so daunting, yet she’d defended them, protected them without hesitation. “How do I deserve someone as wonderful as you my love?” He whispered, breathing her in. The warmth of her against him pulling him into sleep, those soft curves pressed to him in all the right places.

He was woken by soft, lazy kisses from a woman just waking up herself. Half asleep he deepened it. “My Sildie.” He murmured, the rasp in his voice causing her to moan, her lips searching for more of him, more from him.

“I love waking up to you.” She breathed, those Viking blue eyes fluttering open to look at her. His hands were already moving along her body, a touch so gentle, so loving. It was a time for them to reconnect, the lazy seduction and sloppy kisses exactly what they needed. He’d never had this with any other woman, the spontaneity, the relaxed love making to soothe more than just the act of fucking each other.

“Roll over.” He murmured against her mouth, fingers enticing her to move onto her side. “Mmmmm. Much better.” He purred as he spooned her, hands tenderly cupping her breasts, thumbs exciting her nipples to hardened buds. His movements were unhurried, carefree but not careless, her own equally arousing.

She could feel his hardening length against her thigh, the lazy thrusts as he flexed his hips, grinding against her. Relaxing back into him she gave herself over to his talented fingers dancing along her skin, the arousal pooling at her entrance.

“Scoot your leg forward.” He murmured, and guided it to where he wanted it, mouth sucking on a tender spot below her ear.

“Spoony sex.” She giggled.

“Mmmm, never done this one?” He asked softly as his fingers drifted over her navel and inched toward her clit.

“No.” She sighed.

“Spoon sex is lazy.” He kissed a trail down her neck. “Slow.” His tongue darted out to flick the pulse at her neck before he sucked on it gently. “Erotic, unhurried, and with the right partner, beautiful. Just like you.” He kissed her as her head turned to look at him. “I love you Sildie.” His fingers trailed her jaw as he studied her face, he could never get enough of her.

“I love you too.” Her hand cupped the side of his face as she claimed his mouth, tongue dancing with his.

“Relax.” He breathed and went back to completely destroying her system. Those clever fingers stoked her arousal, eventually slipping between her folds and over her clit where he circled it slowly. “Feel good?” He whispered as her breath hitched and that soft whimper fell from her lips.

“Yes.”

Taking his cock in his hand he stroked the engorged tip through her juices, her heat making his own breath catch. Pausing at her entrance he continued to torment her clit. His pace was devilishly slow, pulling out every sensation her body had to offer her and setting fire to it. With a gentle flex of his hips he inched the tip inside her, the stretch to her opening causing that moan to tumble out. “You like that.”

“God yes. So big.” She gasped as he started thrusting, slow and shallow. “Gustaf.” He was so thick with her legs like this she almost thought he wouldn’t fit. Her belly and pussy fluttered, the muscles eager to feel him, every glorious inch of him.

“Let it take you love.” He purred, lips teasing the shell of her ear as his fingers kept the same torturous rhythm. “Let me feel you.” Her arm reached back and held him behind his head as she tensed, her body poised to shatter.

“I can’t.” She choked.

“Breathe and come for me.” He murmured tenderly and gently sucked the pulse at her neck. It was enough to tip her over, that gorgeous cry of his name as she came, her pussy clamping down around him. “Feels good.” He growled. “So good.” He continued to take her apart, the steady rhythm building each orgasm and letting it crash over her again and again.

“Come with me.” She gasped as another built, the need to feel him find release, find his own pleasure, to feel him pulse inside her.

He shifted slightly and thrust deeper, her cry one of surprise it could feel that good and total euphoria at being filled. “You’re so tight like this.” His breathing not as steady as before. They took each other, slow and deep, drawing out the intense pleasure. “Sildie.” His tone that deep timbre she loved, one he only used for her. He bit down on her shoulder gently as she peaked, the struggle to keep in control until she came almost painful.

He felt her fall over the edge, the savage grip of her pussy as she came making her that much tighter. Keeping the same rhythm he held her tightly to him as he tensed, his release thundering through him, the soft groan as he found his pleasure making her smile. Slowing to a stop they lay there sated, loose, and relaxed.

“I think you liked that.” He grinned against her hair as her quiet chuckle filled the room.

“There is nothing about our sex life I don’t like.” She half turned in his arms to look at him. “I like lazy, spoony sex.” Her kiss was smoldering.

“That’s illegal.” He breathed. “Yet so fucking good.” His growl made her chuckle.

“Food? I have no idea what the time is, but I’m hungry.”

“It’s only seven.” He said glancing at his phone. He kissed her and deepened it when her tongue teased his. “Plenty of time for food and more of you.” The smirk at her lips wasn’t lost on him.

“I like the sound of more of you.” She purred and nipped his jaw. “Food first.” They untangled themselves and headed to the kitchen, Sildie quite happy to wander the apartment naked.

@hausofobsession @ill-skillsgard @grandpa-sweaters @authentic90skidd @tuckersgirl @fairlyfallacy @flowers-in-your-hayr @raewritesfiction @stinkerbelle007 @kamie-b @mrsaugustwalker @skrsgardspam @loliwrites @trippedmetaldetector @lihikainanea @fay-walden @nandadb

[thebrewstorian]

“Maybe you’ve heard of her husband? Finding Louisa Weinhard.” The Zoom 2020 PCB-AHA presentation.

Last week I was supposed to give a presentation for the Pacific Coast Branch of the American Historical Association conference. That didn't work out... For the COVID-19 reasons. But we did make it work a week later on Zoom and it was terrific!

My talk focused on Louisa Weinhard. Here’s what I said. 

I started OHBA in 2013, the first of its kind in the country. 2013 is also when I met Peter Kopp [see photo above left bottom - Kopp is the author of Hoptopia: A World of Agriculture and Beer in Oregon's Willamette Valley] and we’re old hats at presenting together. Though usually we are in the same room. This talk, “Maybe you’ve heard of her husband? Finding Louisa Weinhard,” is based on an article for the Oregon Historical Quarterly I’m working on revisions for right now. I’m going to talk about women in brewing in Oregon, but first I want to talk about silence.

Archives and records repositories are filled with voices. We visit them to learn about our families, past actions of governments, and the activities of private organizations. But they are also spaces that reflect power and document the dominant narrative. Decisions are made by creators, by archivists, and by researchers about what to include and who to exclude – the result can be distortion, omission, and erasure. And so, for all the voices recorded in an archive, there are also many that have been silenced.

As anyone who has done historical research on women knows, their stories weren’t actually hidden, more often they were simply not recorded. The history of nineteenth century women’s work is often told through the story of husbands and sons. They were categorized as wives and mothers rather than business partners or owners. One issue I always cite when talking about researching women is the complications surrounding names: if their first name was recorded in newspapers (not just “Mrs.”), actually finding a maiden name to track genealogy often feels like luck.

Most (all) brewers in nineteenth century Oregon were men, but as I explored beer history more, I found the stories of early Oregon women and their work in brewing fascinating. In my research I found most women linked to breweries weren’t making beer, but I suspected they played an essential role in the businesses success (for example in running the household, child-minding, doing the books, participating in community events, etc.), and I knew that several ran the brewery for a time after their husband died.

I was preparing for an oral history in 2016 with Dana Garves, owner of BrewLab and former brewing chemist at Ninkasi, and I found a blog post she’d written called “Oregon’s First Women Brewers [1879-1908],” which included names and locations. I have since found photos of three of these women: Left to right is Fredericka Wetterer from Jacksonville, Mary Allen from Monument, and Marie Kienlen from southern Oregon. Garves also wrote about Theresa O’Brien from the north coast and Mary Mehl from the south coast. I added names of own, including Catherine Stahl and Frances Kastner from eastern Oregon; Margaret Beck from Capital Brewing in Salem, and Louisa Kiefer from Albany – she’s also Fredericka Wetterer’s sister.

But is there a way to determine the jobs they did or the role they played? I did a lot of online newspaper searching and onsite research in the places these women lived, and the short answer is no. Variables in terms of family structure, geographic location, brewery size, and available documentation make generalizations and specifics quite difficult. 

But Henry Weinhard? His is a pretty familiar name and his business was extremely successful. And I was certain researching his wife would be a snap. An easy win and good practice for future work on the other women I’d identified.

I was wrong.

It turned out records for the Weinhards are scant, mostly limited to newspaper articles and ads, government records, lawsuits, and, for Henry, glowing biographies in “books about great men.”

And so I dug.

This is Louisa, who had that very famous husband. Although she was famous in her own right for generosity, as well as her involvement in local church and aid societies, her legacy is marked by both details and silences.

Not to jump to the end of the story first, but the fact that I have this picture is a true testament to my Googling superpowers. I scoured archival collections, newspapers, and books looking for a picture of her, only to fail. Finally, using a string of search terms I can’t remember, I found a 2015 reference to a portrait in an article about the Portland Community College remodel. Days before I finished the first draft of my article, I emailed their Community Relations manager and she sent me a picture of the portrait. It sat on my desk and I saved it on my phone to show people who I was writing about. We have signed the paperwork to have this transferred to the collections at OSU – I was due to pick it up the week everything closed…

Luise Wagenblast was born in Germany in 1832. She lost her mother when she was four, traveled to Missouri at fifteen, arrived in the Northwest at twenty-three, and married a man who would become famous when she was twenty-seven. By the time she died at aged eighty-five, she’d buried her husband and four of her five children.

Through online genealogy sites and local history sources, I pieced together details about Louisa’s family’s move from Waldrems, Germany, a small town about 300 miles southwest of Berlin, to Missouri to Oregon. Although she travelled to Oregon by ship, her brother Gottlieb journeyed with the 1855 wagon train led by Dr. Wilhelm Keil, founder of Christian communal settlements in Bethel (Missouri) and Aurora (Oregon) – thanks to Peter’s dad James for his work on utopian communities in Oregon because it helped me tease out whether they were part of the colony or not. They weren’t.

Through government records, I learned when she was married to Henry and when her children were born. Census records and newspapers documented the family’s moves back and forth across the Oregon / Washington border. Through the census, I also learned about her neighbors, the ages of her children, and if she had servants living in her home. While dates and names are recorded, what isn’t is the scope of her loss, which feels immense. Her son Christian Henry died in 1863 at two years old and daughter Emma Augusta in 1864 at 18 months. Her daughter Bertha Carolina (Bettie) died in 1882 of acute appendicitis at 13. Henry died in 1904 of kidney disease. Just over a year later, daughter Louise Wagner died of heart disease at thirty-two. Only daughter Anna Wessinger, who lived to 87, survived Louisa.

However, mentions in newspaper articles gave me a significant, and somewhat intimate, glimpse into her life through her community activities. She sent roses to the 1903 Portland Rose Society annual rose show and thirty pounds of sugar to support unemployed men at the Gipsy Smith Tabernacle. She donated $100 to a benefit fund to purchase artificial legs for Marjorie Mahr, an actress who lost both legs in a railway accident. When thirteen-year-old Ervilla Smith arrived at the Weinhard house in the middle of the night in 1905 after being assaulted near the Lewis & Clark Exposition fairgrounds and left on the street by a saloon; the family welcomed her, called the doctor and the police, while “Mrs. Weinhard got her something to eat and made her comfortable for the night.” She was a member of the Portland Women's Union and sent money to the Louise Home for Unmarried Mothers and Albertina Kerr Nursery Home. And during the last weeks of her life, she offered money to a woman whose husband was in prison in California so she could visit him.

I have lots of stories that could expand and fill the rest of my time: things I found out about Louisa’s siblings; brewery owners, saloon keepers, gambling, prostitution, and vice; women’s clubs in Portland; or family real estate acquisitions. But since it’s where I found the most detail, I’m going to tell you about how Louisa used that wealth and her position at the end of her life.

In the years following Henry and Louise’s deaths, it is difficult to determine how involved Louisa was in the brewery and family estate business, perhaps no more than in name as an executrix of the estate. What is clear is that she continued to support her German community. The most significant was her donation of a twenty-acre lot in Southeast Portland, worth $30,000, to build a retirement facility for elderly Germans to spend their final years “among their own people.” The Altenheim was to be the “most important of its kind in the U.S.” Newspapers reported that she wanted residents to take advantage of fresh air, good water, and rich soil; and because she valued work, also wanted “helpful occupations for charges” and imagined the home would be partially self-supporting through farming. On August 6, 1911, with 2,000 people present, the cornerstone was laid, which contained pictures of Henry and Louisa, as well as copies of Portland’s German and other daily newspapers. Louisa’s great-grandson talking later about a picture in the newspaper of Louisa at the May 1912 dedication, in an open carriage with the mayor of Portland, described her as looking like queen Victoria, “very short and very fat.” That’s the picture you see here – a find made possible by the University of Oregon’s Historic Oregon Newspapers site. I learned more about Louisa from the news coverage for the Altenheim than in most previous articles about Henry or the business. Beyond a tone-deaf comment about her appearance, I learned that she valued work, self-sufficiency, and cultural traditions, but also that she was part of a community that felt isolated from the rest of Portland. What we don’t hear are her words – in all the press coverage regarding the Altenheim there isn’t a single quote from Louisa.

The Altenheim was closed in 2003 and the building housed the German American Society offices until the property was sold to Portland Community College in 2010. And that’s where her portrait is waiting for me!

Louisa died in Portland on April 23, 1918 and was buried at the River View Cemetery. She was eighty-five years old, had been in America for seventy-one years and Portland for sixty-three. News of her death was carried in several papers.

W.G. Maclaren, General Superintendent Pacific Coast Rescue and Protective Society, wrote a letter to the editor that was an unfettered tribute to her good works and the hidden nature of her charity. He said that during the hard times of 1907, she bought $100 worth of tickets for the Portland Commons, and distributed them among “men who were out of work and in need of food and lodging.” He went on “She gave me orders that I was not to allow any unfortunate person to go away hungry and agreed to meet the expenses of feeding them.” He continued, “there never was a case of a mother or child in sickness or distress that Mrs. Weinhard knew of where she would not give assistance” and concluded she was a “good woman with one of the best hearts where human suffering was concerned that I have ever known. I believe that the people of Portland should know something of what she did during her long residence in this city for the benefit of Humanity.”

This last sentence feels like a final reminder that she gave freely to charitable causes and individual people, not for personal recognition (and maybe not for our historical record) but for the purpose of bettering others.

In researching Louisa, I found a handful of touchingly personal details that I couldn’t verify. The Weinhards supposedly had a house in Astoria and a farm of 620 acres in Yamhill County. An Oregonian article, written in 1954 when Louise Weinhard Wagner's home was being demolished, noted a 4-foot stained glass window with a woman sipping from a wine glass, said to have been installed by Louisa Weinhard as a gift with the house. The names Henry and Louise/a are handed down to subsequent generations in their family. And Louisa herself was immortalized in Brewery Block Two, a 242-unit high-rise residential building built on the location of the original Weinhard brewery in Portland.

But the last bit of sparkle to this story is a connection I made with one of her descendants on ancestry.com. I found Lizzie Hart, her great+ granddaughter, which had pictures of Louisa’s granddaughter and Lizzie’s grandmother. I wrote her and said “I’m an archivist. I have this picture of your relative and I’ve written this article about her, would you like either?” Fortunately, she wasn’t creeped out by this... 

Instead, through our ongoing correspondence she has given me a more personal perspective on the Weinhard family and validated my work in this area. My research has added a dimension both the story of the women in her family and in her own personal understanding of how she fits into it. Her family story was the story of men. 

I can’t end with a quote from Louisa, but I can end with one from Lizzie “What you are doing in your work -- the recovery of women's stories, painstaking as it may be to grapple in the dark room of the dominant narrative -- is such an important task to undertake on behalf of our futures.”

***

For more on archival silence, see 

Carter, Rodney G.S. 2006. “Of Things Said and Unsaid: Power, Archival Silences, and Power in Silence”. Archivaria 61 (September), 215-33. https://archivaria.ca/index.php/archivaria/article/view/12541.

[westphotolukedas]

Production Journal - The X-Files

251019

The X-Files is an American science fiction television programme that was influential on my development as a creative. The original pilot aired in 1993 and ran for nine seasons with 202 subsequent episodes. It had a cult following during my adolescence and my peers and I would discuss each episode in depth. During a hiatus in programming, two feature films were released - The X-Files (1998) and The X-Files - I Want to Believe (2008). A tenth season was aired in 2016 and an eleventh in 2018, this is suggestive that the fan base still exists and has remained loyal for decades.

The series leads are Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, played by David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, who both gained celebrity status from these characters. They are Special Agents at the Federal Bureau of Investigation and solve cases involving paranormal activity. The dynamic between the duo is the main draw of the programme. Mulder is a believer in extra-terrestrial life following the abduction of his sister as a child. His unorthodox theories align with The X-Files - a department dedicated to unsolved cases. Scully is the objective voice that counters Mulder. She is a medical doctor who is placed at the department to challenge her partner’s zeal. The interplay between a believer and sceptic allows individual story arcs to unfold, usually around a monster of the week.

John Bartley (Born 1947) was Director of Photography for The X-Files from 1993-1996 and the second feature film. I will draw from his techniques during the production of my staged tableau. He received a nomination in 1994 for Outstanding Artistic Achievement from the American Society of Cinematographers and an Emmy. He has continued to develop the cinematography for television series with similar premises such as Roswell (1999-2002), Lost (2004-2010) and Bates Motel (2013-2017).

Bartley developed the visual identity of the television programme, which was based around many practical effects. For example, in the pilot when an arsonist torches a motel room to destroy evidence, the flames were actually real. To Barley, darkness was a character on The X-Files and the interplay between light and shadow was critical. Mulder and Scully probed the unknown with their xenon flashlights in conjunction with lighting equipment that included HMIs, Dedolights, KinoFlos and MiniFlos. Light was implemented as a counterpoint to the darkness to emphasise aspects of the frame that the audience could not see. Beams of coloured back and sidelight were used to accentuate foreground shadows and slow moving steam added to the eerie feel of each scene. During an interview, Bartley commented, ‘We actually blend light and dark. Some things the audience can see, and other things they’re not sure if they saw them or not. It adds to the aura of mystery. I don’t use much fill. I started that on a series called Booker. With today’s films I’ve been five stops underexposed and have still recorded details in the highlights and shadow areas. I like to use the full latitude of the stock.’

The X-Files was conservative with colour during its first season. The nature of the content did not lend itself to vibrancy. For the second season, Bartley was more adventurous with the low-key lighting that he had established as a foundation. There was greater contrast and harder lighting than he had previously employed in addition with super-blue fluorescent tubes. ‘These tubes are so blue, you can’t even read them on a colour meter. Then I added just a little tungsten on their faces and a very hard top light overhead. It doesn’t have to look real or match anything. That makes things more interesting. I think it’s what makes The X-Files different,’ he explained. (Bartley, 1995)

Shane Harvey, Unit Stills, 2018

Fox Network, Dana Scully, 2018

Summary

It was encouraging to research the lighting design that Bartley established in television and draw commonalities with Crewdson and Starkey in stills photography. There is a great deal of overlap. Promotional material for season eleven was also worth my consideration and here are my summary intentions for the shoot.

The final photograph will be low-key with significant proportions of the frame depicting total darkness. All sources of light will be hard and appear to be the ambient illumination from an alien abduction. Gels will be clipped to barn doors for this to be achieved. The colour choices of purple for the key light and blue for the back light reference Bartley and Crewdson. Preferentially, these are my colours of choice for aesthetic reasons. They should complement each other and work independently in the composition. Finally, I found it fitting that season eleven features these hues as a recurring theme. The absence of a fill light means that dramatic shadows will form, which is another homage to Bartley’s lighting technique.

Bartley and Crewdson both favour practical effects and this is a challenge given my budget. I will position blinds held by a cross bar and stand in front of the key light. This will cast a shadow from the slats and light from the key light simultaneously onto my subject. In reference to Starkey, it should suggest that the setting of the photograph is in doors. A supernatural moody effect will be added with a smoke machine. Many scenes from The X-Files featured background smoke and it has become a trope associated with the series.

Actor Tashi Bullman is fully committed to depicting the character Dana Scully and I will do a test shoot with one of my classmates. A lone female subject is another parallel to Starkey’s work. Tashi has sourced a suit jacket and blouse that are in keeping with Scully’s wardrobe. If possible, a flashlight and FBI badge should feature too. These will pose a challenge due to being another source of light and a reflective surface respectively. The posturing and expressions of the character will be decided jointly between Tashi and myself on the day.

Production Notes

My classmate Gyorgy Englert was a phenomenal actor during my initial lighting experiments and for this test shoot. My lighting design was efficacious and there will be little modification needed for the final shoot. The equipment was set up as shown in the lighting diagram and the flash heads functioned as I imagined. I noted 5.0 stops for the key light and 4.0 stops for the back light. The camera was set to f/11, 1/125 and ISO 100. This aperture was needed to achieve a broad depth of field and this shutter speed is appropriate for the flash sync speed. Setting my digital camera to 100 ISO should give me some indication of the results that will be achieved with film of the same sensitivity. The shadows from the slats were only visible when Gyorgy was within inches of the blinds. A flashlight appears in my example shot; however, its constant light was obliterated by the power of the flash heads. I will remove it for the final shoot. The FBI badge was also sourced from an online fancy dress store and it does not look passable enough close up. I will have to come up with a solution for this when Tashi wears it. The final noteworthy point was that the smoke machine was temperamental. It needed minutes to heat up and then each burst varied in intensity. My timing was also crucial to obtain a photograph with the smoke engulfing the sitter and it was better to position it in front of the blinds.

Bibliography

Bartley, J. (1995). John Bartley Shoots The X-Files On The Edge Of Darkness. Eat The Corn. Available from www.eatthecorn.com/?itw=in-camera [Accessed 12/12/2019]

Lighting Diagram

Behind the Scenes

Behind the Scenes

Test Shot, f/11, 1/125, ISO 100

[gaycrouton]

Romance

Words of Love 15/27 [A moment of jealously prompts Mulder to act on his feelings.]

Romance: (verb) to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness.

Mulder wasn’t an idiot. He was aware that his partner was attractive. In fact, he was more than aware of just how influential the essence of Dana Katherine Scully was. He didn’t know when the transition happened. He remembered in the early years, he was enamoured, charmed even, by his new, petite partner. He had been apprehensive about trusting her at first, but in no time, she had become his sole confidant. Her brilliance saved his ass and solved cases over and over again, and he was readily grateful.

Realistically, he probably realized his admiration had morphed into love during her abduction. For that whole time, he had a rude awakening to just how much he had started to depend on Scully. She was always in his mind, sometimes more than others, but he never stopped thinking about her. He would think of a theory in the office and turn to get her scientific opinion, but she was gone ; he would pick up the phone to call her, only to hang up when he realized there would be no answer; everything he thought inevitably led back to her. She came into his life like a whirlwind and left a devoted admirer in her wake, whether she knew it or not.

For longer than he’d care to admit, he wore her dainty gold cross around his neck. It was almost like a security blanket, a tangible part of Scully that he could have on him. He wore the cross with just as much religious reverence as she had, though instead of praying to God, he prayed to her. Prayed for her to be safe, prayed for her to give him a sign she was alright, prayed for her to come back to him alive.

When she was returned, it broke his heart to see her laying in that bed, so fragile. While he had imagined what it would be like to tell her how much she meant to him, he realized doing so would be enormously selfish. She had been through hell and back and why? Her association to the X-Files.

He knew it was her mission now as much as it had been his, the years upon years of fighting side-by-side solidified that; but there was a guilt that gnawed at him anytime she got hurt, anytime she rubbed the back of her neck and felt that chip keeping her alive, anytime she mentioned her sister, anytime he saw her look at a child and pretend like it didn’t break her heart. Her body was marred by scars wrought by investigating these cases, while his remained relatively untouched, a cruel irony he had a hard time swallowing.

Because of this, he didn’t want to burden her with his feelings. She deserved a reprieve, going home should be a sanctuary, away from monsters, away from serial killers, and away from his obsessions. She deserved normalcy that Mulder didn’t know if he could ever provide. He was content with loving her from afar, or at least he thought so.

For years, his plan worked. He got to spend time with her, they had fun, she trusted him, and he accepted going home and relieving any frustrations at home himself. He never wanted to get his hopes up, but as time progressed, he felt that Scully may have felt the same way he did. Occasionally a glance would have a spark behind it, touches would last a bit too long, an idle flirtation would cause her to hide a smile. He had been gaining hope. They were two sides of the same coin.

Mulder wasn’t naive. He was aware that Scully was an amazing woman, and he was equally aware that other men realized this too. Trying to keep count of how many times he had to witness Scully get hit on would be impossible. Hell, it was obvious that even Skinner had an affinity for Scully. Mulder honestly figured everyone with a pulse did though. He didn’t know what was worse, the men that leered at her physical beauty, or the men that flirted through intelligence. The men that leered, or stood too close, or said something vulgar disgusted him. They weren’t treating her with the respect she deserves, but he took comfort in how she rejected them, in some cases, put them in their place.

The men that recognized her brilliance, on the other hand, really scared him. If there was one thing Mulder knew, it was that Scully enjoyed witty banter, he relished it. When other men used it, he felt intimidated. They were all nice, mind you, but Mulder had to work hard to repress the jealousy that lived in his chest whenever she smiled at their flirty remarks. He had always taken comfort in the fact that it usually happened when they were states away from home, impossible to start a relationship with. That’s probably why he was scared shitless right now.

There was a fine looking guy that he frequently saw in the autopsy bay when he visited Scully, Mark something-or-other. Scully said he was a lab technician, and a nice enough guy. Mulder always thought it was obvious the guy idolized Scully, Mulder frequently caught him looking at her like she was the only person on the planet whenever she spoke, and he would drop everything to do anything Scully asked of him. Mulder figured the guy intimidated him because it was like looking at his own reflection in a mirror. Except the reflection had the same interests in the medical field as Scully, was more attractive, and didn’t make her run around looking for aliens every week.

Mulder had come down to see how the autopsy Scully was performing was going, what he saw made him stop in his tracks. Scully was arms deep in a corpse and standing right next to her was Mark whats-his-face, he was beaming down at her and pushing her hair behind her ear. Mulder quickly side stepped behind the door so he wasn’t visible.

“You’re beautiful you know.” Mulder wanted to vomit at the sincerity oozing out of the guy’s voice.

“That’s nice of you to say.” She sounded appreciative, but Mulder could hear Scully’s natural self-doubt seeping into her voice. He’s right though, Scully.

“I’ve always admired you, you’re one of the most brilliant people we have here.” Mulder felt his heart pounding in his chest, wishing he could peer in and see her reaction.

“Thank you.” He couldn’t tell if she was being short because she didn’t appreciate the attention, or if it was because she was hoping for this and was nervous.

In a rush of immaturity, Mulder threw himself into the room. He would like to say it was just because he didn’t want to hear anymore, partly true, but in reality, he wanted to interrupt before the guy had a chance to ask her out, which is what it felt like this was leading up to. As soon as Mulder entered the room, he saw the guy jump about fifteen feet out of his skin, and quickly scurry back to his computer.

Mulder gave him a tepid glare before making his way to Scully. “Anything interesting?” He asked, trying to pretend like he hadn’t just eavesdropped like a victorian housewife.

She looked surprised at his sudden arrival, but not suspicious, “Actually, I’m nearly finished up. Nothing’s too interesting, but I can let you know if you want to stay here while I finish?”

He took her up on her offer and watched in fascination as she fluently maneuvered around the corpse like it was a second language. The whole time, he couldn’t help but focus on the fact that someone was fervently just flirting with Scully. He was aware that it happened all the time, but seeing it so up close and personal, with someone that actually could stand a chance, intimidated him. Realistically looking at it, he wasn’t sure if he liked his current plan of action. Scully was never cruel to him, she was beyond understanding, so he was pretty sure that their relationship could survive if he asked her out. Best case, she says yes, worst case, it would be a little awkward for a while. He just didn’t want a repeat of the abduction situation, he didn’t want to realize what could have been when it’s too late. It would pain him too much to live his life in the ‘what ifs’.

“Mulder, what’s on your mind? You’ve been nearly silent since we were in the morgue, this has to be a record for you,” Scully teased, pulling him out of his internal debate. Looking around, he was surprised that he was so focused on his inner musings that he hadn’t paid attention to the fact they had returned back to their office.

“Oh, uh-” He hadn’t fully prepared a cover story so the only thing he could think of was a weak, “nothing.”

“Nothing? In all the years I’ve known you, you aren’t a man to have ‘nothing’ on his mind. Come on, what’s bothering you?”

Mulder could feel his palms sweating and his heart pounding, he wanted to tell her, so if there was a chance, he could get to her before someone beat him to it. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Wow, smooth.

Her head cocked to the side in confusion, “I’m sure I’ll be fine, just tell me.”

“Do you want to go on a date?” The question flew out of his mouth, and he quickly added a stammered, “...with-me?”

She dropped her gaze and a shy smile broke out on her face and he braced himself for her upcoming speech letting him down gently, about how she ‘liked him as a partner, but nothing more’, how she actually was having an affair with Mark, how the rules would never permit it, how unprofessional it was for him to ask. “Yes.” Wait, what?

Apparently he had asked that question aloud because she repeated herself a little slower this time, a slight blush on her face, “I said, yes. I would like to go on a date with you.”

He felt like he was in shock, and he was sure a dumb smile had taken up residence on his face. She said yes. In all the times he imagined this moment, he expected resistance or just flat out rejection, but she didn’t even have to think about it. She said yes, she wanted to go on a date with him.

“I lost you again,” she said with a nervous laugh, “Are you having a stroke?”

“I’m just happy you said yes, I was nervous,” he chuckled in embarrassment.

“I don’t know how you could have expected anything else,” he could tell she was nervous too by the way she was avoiding eye contact, but all he could focus on was the upward curve of her lips. “Does tomorrow at about seven work for you?” She asked.

“It’s a date,” the words sounding unreal coming out of his mouth.

“It’s a date,” they sounded like a hymn coming out of hers.

Anticipation is the silent killer of man. Mulder felt himself constantly distracted for the next 26 hours by the knowledge that he was going to be going out on a date with his partner, Special Agent Dana Scully, Medical Doctor. When he woke up that morning, he expected that it had all been a part of an elaborate fantasy in his dreams. Alas, when he went in that morning, Scully was in high spirits and asked if he wanted to meet at an Italian place downtown. They spent the entirety of the day in mock professionalism, stealing glances at the other every chance they got, and confirmed they would meet in a few hours when they left the Hoover Building.

Mulder had never been one for fashion. He knew suits were the go-to for men, so that’s what he wore everyday to work. He had never gotten any complaints, aside from Scully making fun of his ties. He figured since the italian place was in a nicer part of town, a suit would be the dress code. However, he didn’t want to just wear the suit he wore to work, what if Scully recognized it and thought that he didn’t care? He looked at his selection and chose a rich, dark, black suit that he usually wore to formal work functions. He hoped it wasn’t too much, but he wanted Scully to know how much this means to him.

It only took him half an hour to get ready, so with plenty of time to kill, he decided to go to a corner store and buy some flowers. He didn’t want to overwhelm her with a bouquet while they were trying to eat, so he went with a single red rose. He wasn’t very experienced with romance, nothing this important, but he was confident Scully would like it. Checking his watch, he realized he was still about half an hour early. Mulder decided he would just kill time at the booth and he made his way to the restaurant.

Upon entrance, he was blown away by how stunning the atmosphere was. Scully had great tastes, as expected. He made his way to the Maitre D and said,“Hey, I’m a little early, I have a reservation at seven, I’m not sure if it’s under Scully or Mulder?”

Without even having to check, the man responded, “Ah! Yes, Mr. Scully. Your wife arrived a few moments ago. Right this way, sir.” He didn’t know what part of that statement made him happiest. The fact Scully arrived just as early as he did she was just as excited for this as he was, the fact he was called Mr. Scully, or the fact she was just referred to as his wife. He decided all three made him happiest.

Apparently Scully had asked for a private booth, which was for the best since they didn’t need anyone from the Bureau seeing them. When he rounded the corner, his breath caught in his throat. When something is so ethereal, so perfect, trying to describe it only acts as a disservice. That’s how he felt about Scully right now. She was wearing a dress he had never seen before that complimented her figure perfectly. Her hair was framing her face, which was accented by makeup with the artistry women seemed to have perfected. She looked radiant, but what thrilled him the most was the sparkle in her eyes and the way her lips were spread as soon as she saw him.

He presented her with the flower as he took his seat across from her, earning delighted gratitude from the Aphrodite incarnate sitting across from him. He couldn’t help but stare at her in awe. This was Scully, the Scully he had spent the last six years right beside, but yet he felt like he was meeting her for the first time. Realizing he hadn’t really said anything, he piped up with a cheesy joke, “Long time, no see.”

She smirked at him, but before she could respond, the waiter came. Neither of them had ever eaten there before, so they took the man’s recommendations and Mulder ordered a nice bottle of Sangria wine which was brought back to the table almost immediately.

“I must say, you surprised me,” Scully confided, sipping from her wine.

“How so?”

“I hope I don’t sound presumptuous, but I assume we both knew the day would come,” a grin spread across his face at her words and he was glad to see it mirrored on her own, “I was just surprised that you finally took the plunge on a mundane Thursday afternoon, at work nonetheless.”

He laughed sheepishly, “Well, in my defense, I had no idea it was going to happen either.” He never could hide anything from her, regardless of if it was embarrassing.

“What made you do it?” Her eyebrow quirked up, her telltale sign of curiosity.

“Well, um, I was jealous,” His words faded off a little bit at the end as he took a sip of his drink.

She chuckled in amusement, “What could you have possibly been jealous of?”

He rubbed the skin across his jaw where he had just shaved, “I accidentally overheard you and Mark in the morgue, that’s kinda why I busted in. I heard what he was saying to you.”

“How could that have intimidated you?”

“How could it have not? He was wooing you!” Mulder’s exclamation elicited a hearty laugh out of Scully. It was music to his ears. Scully laughed more and more as they got closer, but a belt like this was rare and he reveled in being its cause.

“Mulder, he was not wooing me. He has had a crush on me since he came from Quantico. This was the first time he was ever so bold. I was about to tell him to keep his hands to himself before you barged in.” Even though he was literally on a date with her right now, hearing this provided him with a great sense of relief. She must have picked up on it because she chuckled, “Mulder, I promise you shouldn’t have been worried.”

“Scully, you’re a beautiful woman who could get any man you wanted. I am confident my worry was valid.” The sincerity in his voice caused her to blush, the shy smile returning to her face.

“I’m with the one I wanted, so that’s all the matters to me,” she spoke the words so quietly it was almost like a whisper. She raised her eyes and quickly added, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black though. Do you know how many times I’ve had to listen to the secretaries fawn over you when I’m in the women’s room!”

He smiled at her and, as cheesy as it sounds, they got lost in each others eyes. Six years of dreaming about this, and here they were. It was surreal. If he told himself all those years ago, hell if he told himself last week , that he was going to go on a date with Scully, let alone hearing her say she had wanted this too, he would have never believed it.

“So you thought about it?” He asked, curious about how she viewed their relationship.

“It? As in us going out?” He continued after he nodded, bashfully flitting her gaze down to the napkin, grinning, “I mean, yeah. Of course.” She looked at him with the slight self-consciousness that he rarely saw, “Did you?”

Without missing a beat he replied, “Everyday.”

They were both enjoying this unabashed honesty, so Scully kept going, “Since when?”

He paused a second to reflect, “I’ve always had a crush on you since that first case when you came into my motel room,” at the way her eyes comically widened, he added, “Not because you disrobed in front of me, but because you trusted me. You didn’t blow off what I was saying. I realized how much you meant to me when you were gone.” She smiled sadly at him, he didn’t need to elaborate, they both knew what he meant. “What about you?”

Embarrassment flooded her gaze once more, unused to voicing the words she had felt for so many years. “You probably don’t remember, well actually with your memory you probably do, but when I was at the academy, you came and gave my class a presentation over forensic pathology.”

“You were in that class? Oh god, I made an ass of myself,” he remembered that like it was yesterday. He owed the professor a favor, so when he called Mulder sick with the flu, he went and basically regurgitated his thesis to ninety students.

“In all fairness, I wasn’t paying attention to what you were saying,” she giggled and he was captivated by the tinkling melody, “I had a juvenile crush on you then, so when I was assigned to you, it still lingered. Stop looking at me like that!” She laughed. His face was in pure shock and awe. Little FBI in-training Scully had a crush on him, The love of his life was sitting in that classroom a decade ago thinking about how cute he was. She had a crush on him when she introduced herself that day in the basement. “I realized how much you meant to me when my mom told me you were her guiding light when I was gone. That you called every time you had an update, that you came to my room everyday when I was back.”

They both looked at each other in reverence. He voiced what they were both thinking, “That was five years ago.”

She added, “We waited five whole years,” blushing lightly she proclaimed, “We have a lot of time to make up for.”

There was something suggestive in her tone that thrilled him, “Yes we do.”

Their food came a few moments later, and they enjoyed the meal with intermittent conversations about their repressed feelings, joking about how nervous they had been around each other. When they finished, after much convincing, Scully let Mulder pay the bill with the promise that she could get it next time. Next time.

When they got outside, they turned to each other with juvenile nerves and excitement.  Scully was the first to speak, “You already took one big leap for our relationship, I guess I can take the next.”

Before he could ask what she meant, she lifted on her tiptoes, placed her hands on his shoulders for leverage, and pressed her lips to his. She was giving him a glimpse of heaven in this kiss. Some people say the fantasy can never live up to the reality, but those people had never been given the affection of Dana Scully. He wrapped one arm around her middle and the other rested on the back of her head, entangling in her hair. They stayed like that for a good moment, exploring each others mouths. They only broke apart because they had to breathe. Panting, they stared at each other in awe, dorky smiles spreading across their faces.

“Wow,” she whispered. He was so overcome with love for the woman in his arms, he bent down and pulled her into a tight hug, nuzzling into her hair.

This is just the beginning.

[glamhouse1]

Special Events Makeup Routine

Prior to bouncing into a first trimester recap and some extremely late summer posts, here's one that has been sitting half-completed in my drafts for, gracious, about a month. Helpfully, the Beautycounter items I'm sharing are largely 15% off this moment, which just happens more than once per year, so perhaps my dawdling was intended to be ;)

2019 has been a time of Wedding Makeup Artists Near Me for us. For reasons unknown, we appear to substitute… a year stuffed loaded with weddings, then, at that point a year with none. In the spring, we went to three out of five weeks and it was a particularly fun tornado, particularly considering we kicked it off with my sister Dana's wedding. She just got her photographs back from the amazing Jen Dillender (sneak look underneath!!) so we have been delightedly remembering the day while looking through them over the previous week. On somewhat of an egotistical note, I was truly glad to see that my cosmetics ended up good overall, since I did it without anyone else's help. I had been content with my arrangement to do as such until prior in the spring when out of nowhere (perhaps the difference in season or my chemicals?), it seemed like my cosmetics was unexpectedly sitting all over distinctively and everything except vanishing by the evening.

Before Dana's wedding, I got a couple of new items to balance my daily schedule and make the final product more event prepared. I was so content with the outcomes, I continued to do my cosmetics precisely the same way for the following two weddings we joined in. The best part is that by far most of these items are what I would consider "more secure"– they score low on the Think Dirty application or potentially are from an organization whose fixing determination measure I trust. As you all know, I'm a long way from the most dynamic Beautycounter expert. The greatest positive effect my association with the organization has had on me in the course of the most recent two years, however, is that it has helped me to be demanding about the fixings in the items I utilize every day. After discovering I was pregnant, I didn't need to contemplate whether my day by day items were pregnancy-safe… I realize that they are, and that feels enabling to me. Alright, getting off my platform :) Here are the (generally) more secure items I've been utilizing for unique Makeup For Special Events this season that look incredible, photo well, and wait the entire day!

Cream: One Love Organics Skin Savior Balm

Groundwork: BareMinerals PrimeTime Foundation Primer*

Establishment: BareMinerals Original Loose Powder Mineral Foundation in Fairly Light

Setting Powder: BareMinerals Mineral Veil Setting Powder*

*I really purchased this preliminary unit to test the groundwork and setting powder prior to resolving to full sizes. I particularly love the groundwork and quickly added it to my every day schedule.

Concealer: Beautycounter Touchup Concealer Pen in Light

Bronzer: Beautycounter Radiant All Over Bronzer in Dune

Become flushed: Beautycounter Color Pinch Cream Blusher in Hibiscus

Temples: Glossier Boy Brow in Brown

Eye shadow: a blend of a few shadows from my Beautycounter range, which is like this one

Mascara: one layer of Glossier Lash Slick + one layer of Lancome Definicils (the last isn't really my most loved I simply end up having an example container of it. Any "volumizing" mascara you love would work for the subsequent coat.) P.S. For Dana's wedding, I didn't do this mascara schedule, and all things considered, asked the cosmetics craftsman for bogus lashes.

Lipstick: Beautycounter Color Intense Lipstick in First Date (LOVE this tone so a lot, and this sort of lipstick is my greatest Beautycounter fixation. It's the lone sort of lipstick I wear now.)

Setting Spray: Urban Decay All-Nighter Long-Lasting Makeup Setting Spray (This is least spotless item on this rundown, which is the reason I just use it for occasions like weddings. On standard days, I utilize this perfect sunscreen/setting splash.)

[wildroseofarran]

Steps Toward Progress || Quintane & Logan

Q: Q thanked the doddering old woman behind the counter as she handed him two brown bags and his receipt. He checked his phone again, re-read Logan's last message. He might have been overdoing it, but he believed whatever was going to happen today would be smoother if both parties were occupied by something else. Food was going to be the something else.

{Text: Big T} You ready?

Tane/Logan: Tane tossed aside his third shirt of the hour when his phone dinged, abandoning his dilemma long enough to read and reply to Q's text.

{Text: Q} Yes and no

{Text: Q} I don't know what to wear. I feel like a thirteen year-old girl about to go on her first date

A dilemma Logan wasn't having at all. It was easy to decide what to wear when your current personal style consisted of wearing your brother's clothing and jewelry.

She did put some effort into her hair though, and her makeup. She'd promised Q to try and be a good sport and she wanted to keep her promise.

Q: Q softly laughed at his phone, replied after settling the bags in the backseat.

{Text} Did you not care about clothes on your first date as a teenager? How sexist!

{Text} You'll be fine. Just be calm.

Tane: {Text} I did! But that time I picked one outfit I was 100% happy with in about ten minutes

{Text} I'm trying

Q: {Text} I bought some loaded cucumber sandwiches and three kinds of lava cake. I'll see you soon

{Text} YOU'LL BE FINE

Tane: Tane smiled at his phone.

{Text} Bribing us with food? Good plan

{Text} OKAY I'LL TRY, GORGEOUS

Q: On second thought.

{Text} Want me to pick you up?

Tane: {Text} It's not too far out of your way?

Q: {Text} We're going to the same place. I don't mind

Tane: {Text} Then yes please

Q: Nearly ten minutes later, Q honked the horn and stood on the seat of his Tracker. "Time waits for no man or whatever!"

Tane: Tane had eventually settled on a long-sleeved forest green shirt, some jeans, and his favorite brown boots. That was good right? Casual, relaxed.

He was just about to go out onto the porch when Q's honk heralded his arrival.

"Time can wait for me to spray on some cologne!" he called as he poked his head out the door, smiling the moment he spotted Q. "Unless you don't feel like inhaling me today."

Q: "All day every day, Big T," he grinned, slumped back into his seat to wait. He wondered if Tane took this much care for him, too.

Tane: Oh, Tane took this much care and more when it came to Q. He liked looking his absolute best for his bartender.

About two minutes later, Tane was getting into the car and kissing Q in greeting. "Okay, I'm ready."

Q: "Yeah?" The Tracker was put into reverse and back out onto the road. "You know what you want to talk about first? Don't go in looking stiff as a board. Whatever you present is going to reflect on her."

Tane: "I was thinking I'd start with small talk about her Christmas and New Year's. Don't want to get into heavy things too quickly." He took a deep breath. "Trouble is, since her brother died I can't tell what's heavy and what isn't."

Q: "Could talk about the food, too. She - You saw what she made me for Christmas. She loves doing that. That's something."

Tane: Tane smiled. Even in her grief, the cake Logan had made for Q had looked and tasted beautiful. "Yeah, it is. So holidays and baking."

Q: "That's a good start. I guess...let her lead from there? If she wants you to leave, don't argue it, okay?"

Tane: And the smile fell. "Can I ask what she told you when she agreed to this?"

Q: "I can give you little things. Like...her brother had become her whole world. He was there...when her family died. She wouldn't let go of his hand. A little girl with that trauma, that man she calls brother was her sun and moon. She said something about being afraid to accept you, like it would somehow betray that. She asked what she should say when she sees you. I told her that she doesn't have to say anything, and she said she'd try."

Tane: Hearing that broke Tane's heart. It would be so easy to hate the man. Hell, a part of him already resented Dana Tolvin for even being in Logan's life at all. Knowing he became her sun and moon when Tane should've been her sun and moon just fucking burned his ass.

But he couldn't hate the man. He'd saved Logan. He'd raised her.

"She's been a koala since she was born. Always clinging. It was probably weeks before she let go of him."

Q: "And now with him gone, I don't think that's changed." He glanced over and nudged the bouncer with two fingers. "Let's make today a happy one for her."

Tane: "I hope not. I'd hate for her to lose a part of herself."

Tane took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, let's do that. I want to be in her life again. I want her to associate me with something positive."

Q: "You're brimming with positive," he smiled.

Tane: "It's the aloha spirit," he said, leaning over to kiss Q's cheek.

Q: His smile remained until the next stoplight, and had faded completely by the time they reached the park. "Grab a bag?" It was time to exude serenity and patience. He was undoubtedly filled with anticipation.

Tane/Logan: "Sure thing." His own smile had faded on the ride as well, although in his case it was due to nerves and the expectation that something awful could happen.

The moment he stepped out of the car, Logan's pickup pulled into the lot and Tane froze like a deer in headlights.

Q: Alright, so he would grab the bags and gently smack Tane's chest. "Eyes front, soldier."

Tane/Logan: Visibly gathering himself, Tane nodded. "Right, yes," he murmured to himself, taking one of the bags from Q.

Meanwhile, Logan parked and talked herself into getting out and walking over. "Hi," she greeted softly.

Q: Q offered the brightest, sincerest smile he could muster and opened his arms in greeting. His gesture was not for a hug, simply an expression of his openness.

"Hey there, Ms. Logan. Glad you could make it." In regards to their skittishness, Q had every intention of picking up their pieces and gluing them together himself. Either he was going to be the salve underneath the bandaid, or he was going to rip the bandaid off.

Tane/Logan: It was hard not to be relaxed with Quintin around. He was just so warm and friendly and his smile never failed to pull one from her. "Thanks for inviting me."

She turned to Tane and managed to keep her smile in place. "Tane," she greeted. She'd decided on the ride over not to call him 'Mr. Lukela'. It felt too...formal.

Some of the pressure in Tane's chest lessened. "Hi, Logan."

Q: "I've brought cucumber sandwiches and lava cakes. Ever been to the park here?" he asked, maintaining his light tone. "It's really pretty. There's a gazebo tucked away. I figured we could eat there. Oh! And I have bottled water and some cherry limeade?" He looked to both for reaction. "I've got some lame games in the backseat as well."

Logan: Q had her at lava cake. She was a baker, after all. "Baked goods and limeade and games. I feel like I'm being bribed by the nuns to do my algebra," she chuckled, noting Tane's smile. "That all sounds wonderful. The last time I was here was with June. She made me jog." Something about depression and exercise.

Q: Q nodded. "I do that once in a while, but I prefer the gym. I like their pool. I haven't exercised in days, so maybe I'll get some in now." Sex didn't count. Did it? Nah.

Logan: "I try to do only enough to stay in shape." And run from a vampire and defend herself. "Can't say I'm too fond of it."

Q: "Swimming, running, or all of it?"

Tane/Logan: "I like swimming, but only for fun. And only in a swimming pool. When I was little I--"

"Got stung by a blue bottle at the beach," Tane finished quietly. He'd been there. He'd held her and panicked and rushed her to the hospital.

Logan stared at him for a moment, expression unreadable but...not hostile. It was as if she were seeing him for the first time.

Q: Q looked between them and tamed his smile. "I want to hear more stories like that," he said softly. Yes, more memories of the two of them together.

Tane: Tane would probably be the one who ended up telling them since Logan had apparently fallen into some sort of trance while she sorted out everything that was going through her head.

"I have lots of them," he said. "Why don't we go on and have lunch? I'm starving."

Q: "You got it. Know the way? You lead," he gestured. He would linger back a half-step to walk with Logan.

Tane/Logan: He nodded. "Yep, I know where I'm going." He'd found the gazebo just after he'd arrived in Edenton, on a foggy morning when he'd taken a run. Of course, back then he couldn't have imagined that he would have lunch in it one day with a beautiful bartender and his goddaughter.

Logan didn't know what to say. She didn't know what she felt. The look she gave Q as they walked said, 'What just happened?'

Q: Q ever-so-gently nudged her with his shoulder. "How've you been? Been doing anything interesting?" Talk to me. Tell me anything and everything you want. Plenty of people must have offered, and here he was, he hoped, another drop in the bucket, but perhaps unique.

Logan: Q was unique; too much so to ever be just another drop in the bucket. "I'm...managing." If plotting vengeance and researching ways to strengthen spirits could be called managing. "I joined the church choir. I have breakfast with Luke on Sundays. I have tea with Laura on Thursdays. Nothing terribly exciting."

Q: "And June makes you work out with her," he added. "And now you're having a picnic with us." We're all trying to take care of you.

Logan: "It was only the one time. I hope." Although she wouldn't put it past her friend to show up at her house on a regular basis and force her (in the most loving way) to exercise.

Logan nodded, staring at Tane's back. "Yes I am. You saved me from ramen."

Q: "Do you put anything in it, or just the packet it comes with?"

Logan: "I add more vegetables."

Q: "Good." He subtly gestured to Tane. "Doing good?" he whispered.

Logan: Logan hesitated a moment before shrugging uncertainly. It wasn't anything like the last time they'd seen each other, but they were only a few minutes in.

"I guess time will tell?" she whispered back.

Q: Q offered a brief rub to the middle of her back and nodded. She was the type of woman he was afraid to touch, regardless of her acceptance. She was viewed as a nun, the type of woman he had to learn from scratch.

Logan: She smiled at Q's quiet gesture of comfort. It felt like an eternity passed between every time she was touched by another person. Loneliness was new to her.

"Oh, it's lovely," she said when they arrived at the gazebo. "I love how it's tucked away and private."

Q: "It is," Q said fondly, remembering the time he had been paid for his services, that night - no. That was inappropriate to think about, enjoying though it had been.

He could bet dollars to doughnuts that Luke would enjoy a night out here.

"Oh my god," he laughed, looking into his brown bag. "We've been given sporks."

Tane: "For the lava cakes?" Tane chuckled. "Interesting choice. Why not just give you spoons?"

Q: "No idea." The bag was set aside. "So you have what we want. Unless you want dessert first?"

Tane/Logan: "I don't know about Logan, but I need real food first," said Tane, opening his own bag and pulling out the sandwiches.

Logan nodded. "Me, too. Really excited for those cakes though. I've only managed to make lava cake a couple of times."

Q: "How is that made?" he asked, unwrapping the sandwich from its plastic barrier and opening it. Cucumber, cream cheese, sprouts, tomato, romaine; Q's mouth practically watered.

Logan: "There are a couple of different methods. You can add a frozen center to a batter or you can make a batter, freeze it, and then bake it just long enough for the center to cook but remain gooey."

Q: "Isn't that dangerous if you use egg?"

Logan: "That's the trick. Cooking it completely but having it be lava. I prefer the frozen center method."

Q: "I bet that'd be good with chocolate ganache with like, pitted cherries?" He looked between them. "Not ashamed of my cherry lust."

Tane/Logan: They both smiled.

"It actually is," said Logan. "Cherry compote and a soft dark chocolate cake."

Q: Their moderator moaned, perhaps too well. "Right in the heart."

Tane/Logan: That moan threatened to send Tane's mind straight to some very dirty places so he just forced himself to focus on his sandwich. And maybe shoot Q a squint.

Logan simply laughed. "Did you enjoy the black forest cake I made you for Christmas?"

Q: "I did! It was so moist!" He glanced to Tane, hesitated, and added, "we both enjoyed it."

Tane/Logan: Tane felt the same hesitation before nodding. "We did. It was very, very good. And pretty."

Logan still felt unsure about all of this, about making idle conversation, but she nodded and smiled all the same. "Thank you, and...I'm glad. I know most people don't use quite so much fruit but I've always thought it complements the chocolate."

Q: "It does! Oftentimes people make chocolate desserts too heavy. It needs fruit to give it that lift." He smiled again. "You can ask Tane, I don't normally do food talk, but with fruit it's easy."

Logan: Logan gave Q an approving look. "Fruit bat, eh? I always add fruit whenever I make anything with chocolate. I make a blueberry white chocolate bread pudding that's very popular."

Q: "That sounds so good. I'd have to walk miles because I'd eat it all."

Logan: She laughed softly. "I should make some one of these days. It's been a while."

Q: "Was there...something your family often made together?"

Tane/Logan: "My dad and I used to make a lot of pineapple upside down cake."

Tane froze.

Q: Q glanced to Tane. "Yeah? Is that popular in Australia?"

Tane/Logan: "Yeah. Not more so than in other places, at least I don't think so. He made it whenever he was feeling sad."

Tane's chest was too busy clenching for him to notice Q looking at him.

Q: "We're you there for any of those?" Q asked Tane, wanting him to chime in.

Tane/Logan: "Yeah, I was."

It was Logan's turn to freeze.

Tane took a shaky breath. "I taught him how to make it."

Q: "You two spoil me with food," he said gently, wanting them to speak more to each other rather than his prompts. He took a bite from his sandwich and sighed.

"It needs some grilled chicken."

Tane/Logan: Tane managed to give Q a small smile before nodding his agreement. He couldn't help the stiff conversation with Logan; it all felt so foreign. Talking to Q came as naturally as breathing or swimming. "It does. Either that or some other hearty element."

Meanwhile, Logan was still hung up on cakes. One cake in particular. "You taught him how to make it?" she asked him, food temporarily forgotten.

"I--yeah. I did. In high school."

Q: Q kept his appreciation for progress to himself, keeping his eyes on his food while they finally kick-started a conversation of their own.

Tane/Logan: Perhaps conversation was too generous a term for the cautious exchange between Tane and Logan, but there could be no denying that some progress was in fact being made.

"You taught my dad how to make pineapple upside down cake in high school?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"H-he had dinner at my house one night and my mom had made it...so..." He distracted himself with some of that cherry limeade Q had brought. He suddenly felt parched. "He liked learning how to do things."

Q: "Did he often bake that you remember?" he asked her.

Logan: Logan shook her head. "Just that cake. My mum was the one who baked. She really liked cherries, too."

Q: "So you got the baking bug from both of them. Do you have a favorite?"

Tane/Logan: "Lemon and strawberries," Tane said without thinking. At Logan's stare he hastily added, "I-I mean it was when you were--it's probably different now, I just--"

"It's not different. Lemon and strawberries are still my favorite."

"Oh, well....that's--good. That's good." He looked to Q. Help!

Q: Q quietly laughed. He didn't mean to. This was going as smooth as he he had hoped for. Could be better, of course, but this was the minimal goal being achieved.

"You can breathe, guys. You're doing well."

Tane/Logan: Logan gave Q a small smile, cheeks pinkening a bit. She supposed it was painfully obvious how nervous they were around each other.

"Baby steps," she said softly.

Tane nodded. "Baby steps. Still like strawberry shortcake?"

"I do."

Q: "What was her uh...do they do smash cakes in Australia? Birthdays a big deal? What about...hmm...oh! Do all Australians swim?" Of course not, but it was something to talk about.

Tane: "I'm sure they are now. When she was a baby though..." Tane smiled. He felt strange telling stories about Logan's childhood but how else were they supposed to break the ice? "We had a picnic for her on the beach for her first birthday, got her a normal sized cake which she turned into a smash cake. She got icing on her face, on Logan's hair, up his nose. They had to rinse off in the ocean."

Q: Q smiled. "Wish I could remember that far back. I don't know if it's the uh, "lifestyle" I've lived up to this point, but I can only remember around fifth grade? Sash can remember preschool. It's crazy."

Oh. He looked to Logan. "That's my little brother."

Logan: "It's pretty common actually," said Logan, clearing her throat to try to get rid of the lump in her throat. Tane's story had made her feel some kind of way; she didn't know whether she wanted to laugh or cry. "Some people can remember from age four onward, some less. Guess it depends how you're wired."

Despite the pang in her chest, she managed a smile. "How old is he?"

Q: "Not even twenty-one, but he sure thinks he knows everything. It's like a rite of passage to be a know-it-all, isn't it?"

Tane: Tane nodded sagely. "It is. Comes along with feeling invincible and staying up all night several times a week."

Q: "I mean, I still do that, but I'm making money for it," he laughed.

Tane: "Wait until you're my age," Tane chuckled. "Doesn't always come so easily."

Q: "We work nights. How are you surviving?" he laughed.

Tane: He smiled. "Pre-work naps. Very effective."

Q: Back to Logan, as the topic presented him an opportunity.

"Are you going to be getting a job here, or...going back home sometime?"

Logan: "I'll um....I'll be going back home eventually but for now there's still work for me to do here." She wasn't going anywhere until she found Dana's killer and got justice for her brother, whether the church sent her backup or not.

Q: "What kind of work?"

Logan: "Things to do with my missionary work." Like vengeance.

Q: "Was...your family always religious, or...was this something you picked up after...?"

Tane/Logan: "After," she said softly. "I was baptized when I was a baby because my mum's family was Catholic--" She paused long enough for Tane's confirming nod. "--but they weren't really religious and neither was I until the orphanage."

Q: "I don't know what my mother is, or if she actually is of any faith. I remember she took me to church once, but I was so young I don't remember which kind. She only did it once. Felt like she was testing the waters and didn't like the temperature."

Logan: Logan smiled gently. "No shame in that. Religion doesn't suit some people as well as others. For me it was a source of comfort. A way to center myself after."

Q: "You're not one of those that believe those without religion are doomed?"

Logan: She shook her head. "Only those who cause harm to others are doomed. Religion and faith are meant to be about love and acceptance and comfort, and they're both personal choices. A person shouldn't be condemned for choices that don't hurt anyone."

Q: "I thought Christianity believed that unbaptized babies were doomed to Purgatory." He paused. "I'm not saying you do, just, I don't know much about religion."

Logan: Another smile. "Most of religion--especially in this country--has been twisted into something it isn't. I guess I'm also something of an exception to most Catholics."

Q: "I think you are," he smiled. "How's your food?"

Logan: "Very good! Where did you go to get it? The diner?"

Q: "Mhm. Both. I thought I'd be going to Laura's but I have a fondness for the mom and pop diners. I think our first brunch was at the same place," he said, gesturing in Tane's direction. "They usually do lemon bars, but they were trying lava cakes on for size."

Tane/Logan: Tane nodded. "Yep, it was," he said, smiling fondly at the memory.

"Oh, I like their lemon bars. And their burgers and ham and potato casserole. I go there for dinner at least once a week." On June's days off. "I'll bet they turned out good. Their cook puts a lot of love into everything on the menu."

Q: "We'll find out in a minute." The last bite was finished, crumbs dusted away. He paced himself, waited for them to finish and sipped his drink.

"Okay, so I've been wondering, what's your first memory of Tane?"

Tane/Logan: Logan cleared her throat. "Ah...well..."

Tane resolutely kept his eyes off her, stuffing the remainder of his lunch into his mouth so he wouldn't overthink how much she was fidgeting.

"I don't really--I mean I saw a couple of pictures in my albums but I was really little in all of them and--well...." Oh, dear. She had a feeling their progress was about to go right out of the window. "I don't...know..."

Q: Q didn't feel one way or another about it. She had been young. Unsurprising that she might forget.

"Do you remember?" Eyes focused in the bouncer.

Tane: Tane sipped his limeade and nodded at the table. "I remember pretty much all her childhood up until age six. I was there the day she was born."

Q: "You feel old looking at her?" he chuckled, trying to warm the atmosphere between them.

Tane: That teased a smile out of Tane. "In a good way. Trevor the new part-time guy makes me feel ancient."

Q: His laughter gently faded. "Do you... remember the last time you saw each other?" The question was for both, gaze switching between the two with patience.

Tane: Tane remembered that day as clearly as his own name, but he could never tell Q why since it had nothing to do with Logan.

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "I um...I went over to pick up her dad because we were going to go out for drinks." He saw Logan's barely noticeable tense from across the table; she knew the real story of that night. "Kelly was about to give her a bath and I kissed her and hugged her and said I'd see her tomorrow." A tomorrow that hadn't come for over ten years.

Q: He wanted to ask if she remembered any of that. Somehow, if she remembered the feeling of his affection then she might - no. She looked upset. Enough of that for now.

The cakes we're brought to the bench and lined. Each lid was open, three sports placed respectively.

"A bite of each?"

Logan: Logan wouldn't say she was upset but she was definitely feeling...feelings. She didn't remember that evening. She didn't remember any of the probably countless hours she'd spent with Tane Lukela and she didn't know if it was because she was little or if it got buried in the trauma that came later or if she was truly just an awful person who couldn't remember their godfather.

Thank God for Quintin and the distraction he offered.

"A bite of each," she repeated with a nod, managing a smile. "So what've we got here again?"

Q: "We have a chocolate lava cake with some kind of Oreo center. A white chocolate and banana cake? It'll probably taste artificial. Last we have a "blondie" cake with salted caramel center. I already want more fruit."

Tane/Logan: "Banana is one of those things that's hard to pull off unless you're making banana bread."

"Should've used coconut or some kind of citrus," Tane said thoughtfully.

Logan blinked. "Yes, actually. Those pair well with white chocolate."

Tane smiled. "And maybe raspberries for the salted caramel one."

"Also good."

"Which one are you going to try? Chefs first."

Ah ha! A smile from Logan. "The salted caramel one I think," she said, taking a bite.

Q: This was an excellent start, considering how rocky the conversation had begun. Q began to relax.

"I think you're going to be the guinea pig for that banana thing," he grinned at Tane. "Go on and tell me how it tastes. I'll try this Oreo artery clogger."

Tane/Logan: Tane chuckled, starting to relax himself. "I think I am. Wish me luck," he added, taking an experimental bite.

Logan watched his reaction carefully. It was unreadable. "How is it?"

"Um...I'm not sure." He took another bite. "It doesn't taste super artificial, but it's also not quite natural banana. Weirdly sweet too."

Q: "Youuu can have it," Q laughed.

He turned his attention to Logan. "How's the salted caramel? Is it everything and more?"

Tane/Logan: "That's fine, I'll just eat the white chocolate bit." He grinned. "That part's good."

"Salted caramel itself is very good. The cake is a little too sweet but it's nice and light and fluffy. It really could use some raspberries. How's yours?"

Q: "Too sweet, too, but it's warm pulverized Oreo, so I expected it. Why do the average American restaurants have to be so damn liberal with sugar?"

Logan: "I've noticed that too. I think it's because people think that because something is a dessert, it has to be cloyingly sweet which isn't the case at all. There has to be some flavors there."

Q: "It's no wonder America has a weight problem," Q sighed. "Then again I can't bitch. I can eat whatever I want and not gain a pound."

Logan: Logan squinted at him. "I hate you just a little bit."

Q: "No hard feelings," he grinned.

Logan: She smiled back. "I'm starting to want to make an improved version of these. Think oreos and cherries would go well together?"

Q: "I...don't know. I've never been drunk enough to try it out. But yes, make an improved version. I'll," he glanced to Tane, "I'll help."

Tane/Logan: Logan hummed thoughtfully. If she removed the icing from some of the cookies, used a darker chocolate for the cake...

"If cherries don't work, I'll try strawberries. Those definitely work with Oreos." The smile returned. "You want to be my guinea pig?"

Q: "For your baking? Of course!"

Logan: "You might be sick of my baking by the time we're done," she chuckled.

Q: "I'll have to work out more is all. My arms could use it."

Tane: Now that piqued Tane's interest. "I can help you with that."

Q: "You are the one that taught her father," he said gently.

Tane: "I just taught him to make one thing that my mom taught me. Hardly makes me a baker."

Q: "Don't you know anything else?"

Tane: "I can make English muffins but that's not really baking. Cook them on the griddle."

Q: "That doesn't surprise me, given how much you love eggs benedict."

Tane/Logan: Tane smiled. "I do love eggs benedict. The English muffins at the store are too small and tasteless." He turned to Logan. "Your friend Laura at the bakery makes good ones though."

Logan nodded her agreement. "She does. You don't bake anything besides the cake and the muffins?"

"From scratch, no."

Q: Q pushed aside his paper plate and spork, having no interest in finishing his overly sweet dessert. "Would you guys be able to make something... together?"

Tane/Logan: Able to make something? Very likely, Tane thought. He probably knew just enough not to get in Logan's way and be helpful.

Could they be in the same space and make something? Now that was the million dollar question.

And apparently, Logan was curious enough to see if they could. "You did have some good ideas," she said softly.

"You'd...want to bake with me?"

"We don't have to if you don't want to, I just thought--"

"No no, that--that sounds fun."

Q: Q took a deep breath, smiled. Excellent.

"I'll watch, help out if you guys wanted me to."

Tane/Logan: "We should probably have something besides cake when we do it," said Tane. "Try to counteract the sugar coma a bit. Does grilled fish go with cake?"

Logan smiled. "Everything goes with cake."

Q: "What about those um...meat pies? Or the uh...whatchacallit...pot pies? Cottage pie? Something else you can bake."

Tane/Logan: "I can make pot pie! Well, the crust for the pot pie. One of you might have to make the filling." She didn't want to burn her hair again.

"We can get some lobsters and make lobster pot pie."

Q: "I've never heard of that. You - Good luck with that," he laughed.

Tane: "Seriously?" Tane asked. "They used to serve it at the hotel I bartended at in Honolulu. I'd treat myself to one on Friday nights."

Q: "You make it yourself?"

Tane: "I've never tried but I can call my old friend and ask her for the recipe. She wheedled it out of the chef."

Q: "I don't know if I'll like it. Every few years I try lobster again, but..."

Tane: "How do you feel about crab?"

Q: "I liked the eggs benedict you made with crab cakes."

Logan: "Maybe we can make seafood pastries," said Logan, already trying to figure out how it could be done. "Like little pot pie pockets with puff pastry."

Q: "You two are the cooks, I'll be the dishwasher. Tane can tell you, my specialty is smoothies."

Logan: Logan chuckled. "Interesting how we all have different specialties. What's your favorite smoothie to make?"

Q: "Anything with banana is the easy answer. It's a base. Peanut butter, too. Peanut butter and jelly smoothie."

Logan: "I can't tell if I like peanut butter or not. I think it depends on what it's used in. What all goes into a peanut butter and jelly smoothie?"

Q: "Bananas, peanut butter powder, almond or cashew milk, strawberries and or raspberries. I love it with red grapes on the side," he smiled. "Frozen fruit is non-negotiable."

Tane/Logan: "Frozen fruit is non-negotiable in all aspects of life," Tane said sagely. "All my fruit goes directly in the freezer."

Logan smiled. "That actually sounds really good. Can't go wrong with berries in anything."

Q: "When the two of you cook together, I can make those for dessert if you'd like?"

Tane: Tane nodded. "We can do that. It would mean two get togethers though, unless we wanna eat a full meal, have smoothies, and then also have lava cakes."

Q: "That depends on how the two of you feel."

Logan: "We can do two," Logan said before she could talk herself out of it. "One for lava cake experimentation and one for pastry experimentation."

Q: "We could do smoothies in the morning for one of those."

Q leaned away from to study his surroundings, to study the two of them.

"A nature walk, or ultimate Frisbee?"

Tane: "Walk," Tane said quickly. "I have a traumatic experience with Frisbees."

Q: "You have a what now?"

Tane: "See this little gap in my eyebrow?" He pointed at his left brow. "My brother did that with a Frisbee one day when we went to the beach. He tossed it, I turned away because my step-dad was calling us for lunch, and it hit me full on in the face. Gashed my skin open, blood came pouring out."

Q: "Jesus Christ," he laughed. He had to refrain from kissing the scar in Logan's presence. He'd pocket that for later. "Nature walk it is, then."

Tane/Logan: "Oh yeah, it was bad. I was screaming, Derrick--my brother--was screaming, my step-dad was having a full-blown panic attack. It was a mess."

"Dear Lord," said Logan, looking simultaneously horrified and intrigued. "Did your dad get you to the emergency room?"

"Eventually, after much craziness. My mom and step-dad still haven't forgiven Derrick, which I use as an excuse to annoy him. All in good fun, of course."

Q: "Not an amazing heroic story of saving a damsel from a burning building. We get a family blunder," he threw his head back in laughter.

Tane: "It's a battle wound!" Tane said with a laugh of his own. "A heroic one! I didn't even cry, my step-dad was very impressed when he stopped freaking out."

Q: Q leaned forward to study, perhaps too close for what was appropriate. Perhaps Logan would notice, perhaps not, but in that moment he'd forgotten to check himself.

"I think you should stick to a burning building story."

Tane: Their closeness was far more appropriate than the thoughts running through Tane's mind. It would be so easy to lean in and steal a kiss from that beautiful mouth, but he couldn't do that in front of Logan. Things were still too awkward and new. Besides, he didn't know if she knew that he and Q were seeing each other.

"I don't have a burning building story. I have a drunk sister story and a blue bottle jellyfish story."

Q: Q forced himself to lean away. "Tell me about the drunk sister story."

Tane: "Well, it involved my sister Jenny--who was about sixteen at the time--sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet a boy she met at the beach along with some friends for a night surfing/bonfire party."

Q: "I guess you went after her?"

Tane: "Only because my other sister Tessa had a guilty conscience and came into my room in the middle of the night and told me."

Q: "So, how did that end?"

Tane: "I snuck out after her, went all the way up to the goddamn North Shore and found her drunker than a sailor on leave. Not only that, she was having a very loud argument with one of her crush's friends because apparently he was moving in on her wave and almost knocked her off her board. I tossed her over my shoulder just as she was threatening to shove an urchin up his penis."

Q: Q couldn't help but laugh. It was damn funny. "One thing I haven't tried is surfing at night. Drunk and surfing? Good thing you brought her home. Now I want to do it, though."

Now, to Logan, "Have any stories like that?"

Tane/Logan: "When I suggested it in Kitty Hawk you said it was dangerous!" Tane chuckled. "You would only night swim."

"Oh, no," said Logan. "I grew up in a convent."

Q: "Yeah! I want to learn to get to that point. I can't just go in and start at night trusting you to save my dumb ass," he laughed.

"Really, nothing? No wild anythings you've done?"

Tane/Logan: "Of course I would save you! It would be a very daring and dramatic rescue, but that's only if it came to that. I'm an excellent teacher."

Logan chuckled and shook her head. "The most wild thing I've done is set my hair on fire while trying to cook." Not counting her hunts with Dana of course.

Q: "I can tell you the truth. I've burned my hair as well. Back when straightening was the most important thing for my image. I think I was nineteen. Ended up having to cut most of it off."

Logan: "Oh no, you straightened it?" Logan sounded positively devastated. "Your curls are so lovely! My hair can barely hold a wave."

Q: "It was a different time. Curls weren't sexy to those around me, and I cared what they thought."

Logan: "Well they didn't know what they were missing. Your hair is amazing."

Q: "Well I know that now that I'm all grown up," he chuckled.

Logan: "Good." She smiled. "If you ever need a reminder, let me know."

Q: "What do you call those things that go in the hair that look like jeweled vines?"

Logan: "I think they're just called hair vines. Or maybe vine hairpieces."

Q: "A green one with leaves would look perfect on you."

Logan: Logan smiled, ducking her head a bit. She hadn't seen the compliment coming. "Why thank you, Quintin."

Q: "Don't you think so, Tane?" he grinned.

Tane: "I do," Tane said with a nod. "The green would go great with her eyes and the blond in her hair."

Q: "You're gonna get spoiled from us. Just understand that now. You have June, but you also have a forty-something and a bartender."

Logan: "Oh, goodness," she chuckled. "Spoiling in my world used to mean a cookie and ten extra minutes of rec time." Or having Dana to herself for several consecutive hours." You guys aren't going to make me go running, are you?"

Q: "No, but maybe swimming."

Tane/Logan: "In a pool," Tane added. "No open ocean."

"I appreciate that." She would not risk another jellyfish sting. Once was enough.

Q: "So!" Q got to his feet. "We walk now?"

Logan: "Now we walk," Logan said with a nod, gathering the trash from their meal.

Q: "No, no. Let me. You two go ahead. I'll catch up."

Tane/Logan: Both Tane and Logan experienced a brief deer-in-headlights moment at the suggestion, but to their credit they both managed to shake it off and smile like the suggestion was completely normal and something that happened every single day. The power of determination.

And of Q.

Tane found his voice first. "Sounds good." He nodded toward the trail. "Shall we?"

Logan nodded. "We shall."

Q: Taking his time was important. The first opportunity to speak alone without fear of one running in retreat. At least, that's what he hoped.

Trash was tossed in the park garbage. He took longer making his way back to the Tracker for the orange and red frisbee. It was childish but why not? There would be no rush finding them.

Tane/Logan: The fear was well founded, but so far so good. Tane and Logan managed to get on the trail and they had each glanced behind them only twice to see if Q was on his way back to them.

Which he wasn't, because getting them to talk was the point of this exercise. So they should probably, you know. Talk.

"So..." Tane stuck his hands in his pockets to have something to do with them. "Did you enjoy lunch?"

Logan nodded, even managed a smile. "I did. Quintin made a choice. Even with the lava cakes despite them being too sweet."

"They managed to give you some inspiration at least."

"That they did."

Q: A handful of meters back, Q walked at his leisure, doing his best to appear casual without so deliberate as to force their conversation. He was there. They could turn and call him, speak to him whenever they were ready.

Tane/Logan: Logan felt herself relax as Q finally began to follow them. She didn't want to risk being rude by glancing behind her again to confirm, but she knew he was there.

Luckily, Tane confirmed for her.

"You brought the instrument of evil!" Tane said with mock offense. "Going to have to dive behind Logan or a tree to defend my forehead."

And ah, that got a giggle.

Q: "Better defend it fast!" he shouted back, laughing along with her. "Three! Two!" The Frisbee was tossed in their direction.

Tane/Logan: Tane's eyes went wide as dinner plates before he shouted, "Ahhh, no, wait--!" Too late! He crouched and covered his head with his arms just in time to avoid the Frisbee, which was just barely caught by Logan, much to her delight.

"All the games of catch weren't wasted on me!"

Q: "Look at you, showing him up. Toss it back to me, or whack him on the head with it!"

Logan: Logan giggled again as she tossed it back. "I don't think I could even if I tried. He's pretty well protected."

Q: "He's just a wall of muscle, but you can destroy him with a well-placed poke." The disk was easily caught with a well-timed jump.

Tane/Logan: "I think he's more like a boulder of muscle instead of a wall at the moment."

"I'm protecting my forehead!"

Q: "Aw come on, Big T! We're not gonna get you! We will if you don't stand up, though!"

Tane: "Maybe, but it won't be my head! If I have to stand up, I'm finding a really big tree to hide me!"

Q: "Come on," he repeated, "for meee?"

Tane: Tane peeked. Squinted. The 'for me' plea was always hard to resist, and he suspected Q knew it.

Q: Of course he knew, which was why there was an impish smile on his face. "I'll throw it lightly."

Tane: He squinted more. "Okay," he said slowly, straightening. "Very lightly. Like you're throwing to a small child."

Q: "Baby T, then. I'll imagine a scrawny version of you in a Hawaiian shirt." The Frisbee was lightly tossed with the bariest of strength between both. A precaution in the event the bouncer lost his nerve.

Tane/Logan: "I look excellent in a Hawaiian shirt, thank you very much."

The gentleness and direction of Q's toss wasn't lost on Logan, who was primed to catch the frisbee. She didn't end up having to, though.

Tane managed to catch it with only a small flinch.

Q: "Good job!" he laughed. "Go long for me or toss it to Logan."

Tane/Logan: Tane couldn't help but feel a little like a puppy being praised, but he smiled at the same. He turned to ask if Logan wanted him to throw to her, smiled bigger when he saw she was already moving back to give him room to toss in her direction.

Were you seeing this, Q? Progress!

Q: Q smiled, dropped his hands to watch the two of them. He wasn't going to give himself an inflated ego, but he knew this wouldn't have escalated to this point without him. He was more proud of their efforts than his inclusion.

Tane/Logan: Q was absolutely right; things wouldn't have gotten to this point without him. If Logan and Tane were starting to become comfortable with each other it was entirely due to his presence.

Logan easily caught Tane's toss, making both of them smile before she turned to Q. "Ready?" she asked.

Q: "Mhm." She probably wouldn't hear that. "Ready!" he called, holding his hand out.

Logan: She tossed the frisbee over at Q's go ahead. It wasn't exactly a perfect toss, but it was close enough in his general direction that he could catch it.

"Sorry! Guess I'm better at catching than I am at throwing."

Q: "In a minute, one of us is gonna hit Tane, and then we're gonna feel bad, and then we'll have to stop and tend to his grave wounds."

Tane: "Hey, don't even joke!" Tane said over Logan's giggle. "If I get any more scars on my face I won't be handsome anymore."

Q: "That's a lie, and lying is a damn sin, Mr. Lukela."

Tane: "It is not, frisbee wounds are serious business." He pointed to his forehead as evidence.

Q: "Nothing is going to make you hideous."

Tane: "Another forehead scar might," said Tane, preparing to catch the frisbee.

Q: And to Tane it was tossed, perhaps a little hard than he should have.

Tane: Perhaps it was, but this time Tane was ready. And maybe a little more confident, too, which helped him make his second catch of the day with an even smaller flinch than last time.

Q: Q came closer, winked at the confident bouncer. "What else do you want to do?"

Tane: Tane couldn't help but grin. "Something that doesn't involve potential injury to my person. Like a nice walk."

Q: "Fine. We'll walk until Logan is tired of us."

Logan: "I honestly doubt I will," she chuckled. "You're both very entertaining to watch."

Q: "Entertaining? Well that was the plan! I won."

Logan: Logan laughed. "A very noble and strange plan indeed, Mr. Quintin Traxler. By the way, where does this trail lead? The river?"

Q: "This trail ends at the river and winds back. It's pretty long."

Logan: "We should see how far we can get."

Q: "If you want. I'm fine with walking off all of that sugar."

Tane/Logan: "Maybe we can all avoid the sugar crash," Tane mused, falling into step on one side of Q while Logan did the same on the opposite side.

"Or maybe not. I have to have energy for later tonight."

Q: "For later tonight?" Q offered both arms for the taking. He had no care for sense of propriety.

Tane: Both arms were taken at the very same moment.

"Boss tipped me off. Got a bachelor party coming through tonight."

Q: "Mm, drunk men and men pretending to enjoy themselves."

Tane: "Drunk men hitting on Stacey and me having to hear my name shrieked twice an hour."

Q: "Have you had the random closet douchebag clearly gay - or bisexual - pretending you're the pervert for your sexuality?"

Tane: "Ohhhhh yeah. In Hawaii and here, although it's happened more here, often while I'm being ogled."

Q: "Ever dealt with something similar?" he asked Logan.

Logan: "I'm bad at telling when I'm being ogled, but I think I've heard every synonym for 'prude' that exists in the English language. From men and women."

Q: "Human society is obsessed with labelling. Makes us feel safe. It's also pretty stupid sometimes."

Logan: "Apparently so. It's sad, really. I've never understood why everything needs to be something in order to be understood. Or why not wanting to sleep with someone four hours after you meet them is something that deserves to be mocked."

Q: "Or vice versa for that matter. I don't judge in either direction. Only people I judge are those using and abusing others."

Logan: Logan nodded. "Those are the only people that should be judged. Everyone else who's living their life and not hurting anyone shouldn't be under a microscope."

She smiled. "It's nice to be able to talk to nice people."

Q: "I'm "nice people"?" He grinned. "A good label."

Tane/Logan: "Of course you are. One of the nicest I've met. I mean, look at what you're doing for us."

Tane nodded in agreement. "She's right."

Q: So, they acknowledged their situation. He nodded. "How are you feeling, Logan?" he asked gently.

Logan: Logan thought for a moment. How was she feeling?

"I'm....feeling okay. Maybe even a little better than okay."

Q: "That's all that matters." He dared kiss her shoulder. They we're arm-in-arm, after all.

Logan: The kiss was accepted with a smile and a squeeze to his arm.

"You're a good friend, Quintin Traxler."

Q: "Careful. Keep throwing that word around and it might go to my head."

Tane/Logan: She laughed softly. "Good, it should. In fact, you're not just a good friend. You're a /great/ friend. Isn't he, Tane?"

Tane grinned and nodded. "He absolutely is. The greatest friend."

Q: "Okay. You guys are getting to be too much," he laughed. "No need to go ham on the affection."

Tane: It was Tane's turn to laugh. "It's aloha spirit! Not going ham at all."

Q: "Do you have aloha spirit, Logan?"

Tane/Logan: "Does aloha spirit involve raining compliments on friends?"

"Sure does," Tane said with a nod. "Aloha spirit is all about good vibes."

"Then apparently I do."

Q: "Have you been to Hawaii?" He glanced to Tane. "That you remember?"

Logan: "Only once before I was born. My parents always talked about taking me."

Q: "Maybe someday in the future you can go in their honor."

Tane/Logan: She smiled, even when she noticed the way Tane's face lit up at the thought. "I hope I can."

Q: "I can help you plan it. You need a change in scenery."

Logan: "So I've been told. Apparently I've become something of a hermit."

Q: "I've got you. We can make it a big trip with plenty of folks if we can plan this concisely."

Logan: "Oh, goodness," she chuckled. "I don't know if I've ever gone on a big trip with multiple people."

Q: "Then we can make new memories!" He looked to Tane for approval. "You're coming with us?"

Tane/Logan: The approval was practically oozing out of his pores. "I'd love to, as long as it's all right with Logan."

She smiled. "We could hardly go to your home turf without you."

Q: Was he needed anymore? He had done what he set out to accomplish. All they had needed was a push.

"You two should plan it."

Logan: "It was your idea," said Logan. "You should have a say."

Q: "I might. He hasn't given me a complete tour yet."

Logan: "Well then all the more reason for you to have a say. Who else do you want to bring along on the next part of your Hawaiian tour?"

Q: "...Luke Graham."

Tane/Logan: Logan's face lit up as Tane's furrowed questioningly. "Luke Graham....isn't he Pete's brother?"

Logan nodded. "Yes he is. He was in charge of the bar while Pete was away."

"That's riiiight. The blond one."

Q: "Mhm. The blond one. He's also in your life, right?" He turned back to Logan, nearly tripped on the fallen branch in front of them. He laughed it off.

Tane/Logan: "Careful!" Logan and Tane each held tight to their respective side to keep Q upright, laughing along with him.

"He is, by the way," she said. "Luke I mean. He comes to see me every weekend he comes to town." Luke Graham was the closest thing to a best friend she had.

Q: "He's a good man," he concurred. A glance was given to Tane. It was a quiet explanation which lasted just seconds. "He needs some sun and surf."

Tane/Logan: That explanation was going to have to expanded on later when they were alone. Tane was very curious as to why Q wanted to invite this particular blond to go with them to Hawaii.

"He is and he does," Logan agreed. "He's been working very hard."

"What does he do for a living? Bartender?"

"Lawyer."

Q: "A lawyer doubling as a bartender when his brother disappears." He'd heard some of the tales and admittedly, if to no one other than himself, was not a fan of Peter Graham. Perhaps it was he saw too much of himself there.

Logan: "Things have gone back to normal now that Pete's back. Or from what June tells me, a new normal." With more patience and thicker skin. "Pete doesn't let Luke work anymore when he visits."

Q: So, no wonder he'd been seeing more of him lately. He smiled to himself, subconsciously leaned additional weight against Tane's side. "Hmm."

Tane/Logan: Tane noticed immediately, sneaking a kiss to Q's hair when Logan wasn't looking.

"It's sweet seeing them have dinner with their father. I think they got their loudness from him."

Q: "Some people are lucky enough to have fathers that stick around."

Logan: "Yeah," she said softly. "It's comforting to know that there are some who do." That not every family was torn apart by tragedy and death.

Q: "Sash, my brother, had his for years. Still sees him once in a great while. Never laid eyes on mine. I can't miss what I never had."

Logan: "I wonder which is worse. Not knowing and wondering, or knowing and remembering. And grieving."

Q: "I'd say Sash losing his father because he's deaf now is worse than never seeing my old man."

Logan: How could a parent leave their child over something like that? It went against the very core of what a parent was supposed to be.

"You and your brother both deserved more from your fathers. I'm sorry you didn't get it."

Q: "Dysfunctional families are the norm." He shrugged. "Life goes on. We'll be just fine."

Logan: It was sad that they were. Why couldn't the norm be happy, whole families where no one died and everyone had a long life ahead of them?

Logan heaved an internal sigh. Wishful thinking at its finest.

"More than fine, I'd say. Are you and your brother close?"

Q: "I'm a few years older...not really relatable. We like video games, music, travel and outdoor activities, and that's about it. From there, from what I can tell, we stray."

Tane/Logan: "That's a decent foundation. I think so, anyway. Having things to do that you both enjoy can bring you just as close as talking." She looked to Tane for confirmation.

He nodded. "It definitely can. That's how I bonded with my brothers."

Q: "And how often do you talk to them?"

Tane: "Few times a week. We have a group text, we talk on the phone, we Skype."

Q: "That's never stopped?"

Tane/Logan: Tane shook his head. "Nope. I used to have a group text with them and one with my sisters but we just ended up combining them."

Q: He glanced between them. What he had meant to ask was if it had stopped around the time he had run away. That was inappropriate for now, though it was very tempting.

"I see. And...what about you?" he dared ask Logan.

Logan: She shook her head. "No group texts for me. Only child." Only, orphaned child. "I don't know that many people so..."

Q: "Not...any time apart from...?" Dana Tolvin.

Logan: Logan shook her head again. "I was one of the few in the orphanage who had a phone and I only used it for work."

Q: "Work, in the orphanage?"

Logan: "I helped out wherever I could but the phone was for my mission work."

Q: "What places have you been to?"

Logan: "In and around Sydney and over here once before now. Haven't been doing this for very long."

Q: "Is there a lot of conversions?"

Logan: "I have a very good track record actually. There was this one that didn't quite stick but I blame that on outside influence."

Q: "So what do you go and do exactly?"

Logan: "Spread the word of God, bring the lost souls into the light." By the power and grace of a well-aimed crossbow. "I have...a talent for pinpointing exactly who needs help the most."

Q: "Just really good at reading people. I've noticed that since day one."

Logan: Logan smiled. "Took years of practice, started even before I began doing missionary work."

Q: "Has she always been that way?" He looked to Tane, grinning.

Tane: "In a way. When she was a baby and she didn't trust someone, there was no hiding or mistaking it. She listened to her gut and screamed bloody murder."

Q: "Haha! My brother was the same way! Got so frustrating. He hated our aunt. Hated her. Turned out she was stealing from our mother's purse. He still doesn't like her."

Tane: "Jesus," Tane chuckled. "Kids always know. Always, just like animals do. My step-mom thinks it's because kids are more visceral beings than adults are. Logan definitely was. There was this one nurse at the hospital when she was born. Whenever she picked Logan up, Logan would scream. They thought she'd broken her collar bone during the birth, that's how bad it was."

Q: "Jesus, Logan, did she spank you when you were born?" he laughed.

Logan: "I have no idea. My mum told me that story too. She did think the nurse hurt me whenever I was taken to the nursery."

Q: "You let them know. That shit doesn't fly." Who would hurt a baby? He didn't like children, but to hurt one? The fuck.

Tane: "Logan--big Logan--tried to," said Tane. "They wrote him off, told him he was just antsy because he was a first time dad."

Q: "Did you actually see her birth?"

Tane: "I didn't literally see it but I was present. I stayed near Kelly's head."

Q: "Wow. Here I haven't seen a damn thing."

Tane: "You should at some point in your life, even if you don't literally see it. Being there when a baby is born is just...fucking biblical."

Q: Noted. "Do you want children someday, Logan?"

Logan: She smiled and nodded. "I do. Have them, adopt them, makes no difference to me. Motherhood is motherhood."

Q: "Which will come first, the child or the spouse? Does it matter, religiously?"

Logan: "It does, but in my case I don't think it'll be possible to do things the usual way. The church won't let me marry."

Q: He wanted to ask why she would remain with a religion which would shun her, but he knew when to keep his mouth shut.

"It'll all come way later. You're still so young."

Logan: "Oh, absolutely. As much as I'd like to be a mother, I'm in no rush." She had far too much to do, and there was every chance she wouldn't survive it.

"What about you? Do you want children someday?"

Q: "Me? Absolutely not. I'd be terrible at it, and more importantly, only people who want to be parents should actually be parents. Enough neglectful moms and dads out there as it is."

Logan: She nodded. "Very fair point, I agree. For what it's worth though, I don't think you'd be terrible at it. You're a very gentle man. Patient, too."

Q: "Maybe an uncle someday. I'll have gray hair by then, or it'll happen before Sash graduates college. You never know."

Logan: "You never know," she agreed. "You'd be the fun uncle that lets you have ice cream for dinner."

Q: "Takes them on vacation someplace, zip-lining around an island and giving their mother - or other father - a heart attack."

Logan: Logan laughed and nodded. "Exactly. You'd be their favorite."

Q: "Tane might be there to help me make bad decisions, taking the kid to Disneyland every time they make honor roll."

Tane: "Disneyland is a hellscape of lines and crowds. I reward with surfing and shaved ice."

Q: "Video games and the best burger in town."

Tane: Tane gave an approving nod. "A very good reward. Definitely makes you deserving of the 'best uncle' title."

Q: "Do you have that title?"

Tane: "I think I'm tied with Derek right now."

Q: "Oh yeah? What does he do to contend with that title?"

Tane: "He had the nerve--the NERVE--to bring ice cream cake to Christmas. Sneaky bastard," he added, tone betraying his affection for his older brother.

Q: "I think the ones that win are the ones that participate with the kids. When Sash was little, he preferred making things with me, his uncle, his cousins. I mean, that's all I have to go on. Maybe he was just weird."

Logan: "He wasn't," said Logan, chiming in. "I liked that, too. It's how I learned to bake." And shoot so accurately. She often wondered if it annoyed Dana how often she said 'can I help?' to him.

Q: "I learned how to roll a joint from my mom. Valuable lessons there."

Logan: She blinked. "Really?" Not that she was an expert, but that didn't seem like something mums typically taught their sons.

Q: "Mm. Learned how to mix my first drink watching her. She did teach me that red wine goes with red meat, and so on."

Logan: "I was taught that as well. The pairings, not the mixing. Not that it's ever done me and my hopeless cooking skills any use."

Q: "Tane is an excellent cook." He was nudged with his elbow. "He should be your cookbook, you know?"

Tane: "I need a cookbook to cook," Tane chuckled. "I only know like...three recipes by heart, and two of them go into the same dish."

Q: "Something you made Logan, right?"

Tane: "Well she's had the pineapple upside down cake, but other than that I've only made her mac and cheese, oatmeal, and pizza bagels. Not exactly gourmet cooking."

Q: Eyes returned to Logan. "What do you want to learn?" Back and forth. Keep the conversation flowing.

Tane/Logan: "I'd settle for making soup without fear of maiming myself."

"Why are you afraid of maiming yourself when you cook?"

"A history of fires, burns, singed hair, cuts, and sad burned food. The stove hates me."

Q: "Turn down the temp," Q laughed, "and don't walk away. That's all my mom ever said to me."

Logan: "I do! But I always turn it too low and then too high and then my hair's in the burner without me realizing and ugh. Mother Magda forbade me from using the stove!"

Q: "Well, you did fine with grilled cheese," he smiled.

Logan: Logan smiled back. "Only because you were there and I was standing as far away from the heat as possible. I'm sure I looked ten kinds of silly."

Q: "You were alright. Next time you'll step closer, and I might actually learn how to cook."

Logan: "Is grilled cheese the only cooking you do?"

Q: "I'm a TV dinner and blender kinda guy. I'll pour any and all vegetables and fruits in a blender."

Logan: "Now a blender I can use. And now that I think about it, there is one soup I can make. Gazpacho." Which, surprise surprise, required a blender and no heat whatsoever.

Q: "We make a great team with our grilled cheese and gazpacho. Fuckin' pineapple upside down cake for dessert."

Tane: Tane laughed softly. "Meal of champions right there. Not fancy, but all a person needs."

Q: "A person also needs a good movie for this imaginary dinner with friends."

Logan: "What movie do you have in mind?"

Q: "I don't know, Evolution?"

Logan: "What's that about?" asked Logan. "Please don't say horror, I'm a giant baby when it comes to horror."

Q: "It's about aliens falling to earth around Arizona."

Logan: "Is that the state with the government base with the aliens?"

Q: "I think that's New Mexico. Yeah. Roswell or something."

Tane/Logan: "Wait." Tane squinted into the distance as he thought. "There was an incident in Roswell but I don't think there's a secret base there. Did you mean Area 51?"

"Yes, that one! Where is that?"

"Just outside Vegas if I'm remembering right."

Q: "Really? I thought that was outside of Roswell. Why are they always mentioned together?"

Tane: Tane nodded. "Because aliens, I guess. I should ask my step-dad, he'll know for sure. He loves his conspiracy theories. And aliens."

Q: "I've never been out that way. I heard shows like Futurama and I think X-Files mention them together. That's all I have. I like creature features, but haven't really thought about aliens."

Tane: "I've only been to Vegas but I didn't go alien hunting, much to my dad's disappointment."

Q: "What were you doing in Vegas?"

Tane: "My brother's bachelor party."

Q: "When was this? I could have been your designated driver," he grinned.

Tane: "About...four years ago?" He chuckled. "I think you being the designated driver would've made it more eventful. His fiancé's brother was it that night and you could tell he was still a little iffy on the wedding. I don't think he liked Kaleo--my brother--all that much in the beginning. Probably still doesn't."

Q: "Who can hate in a Lukela?" Perhaps poor choice of words, given the lady to his right. She had reason, but forgiveness.

"Marriage something you want someday?" A question for both, but he was looking at Tane.

Tane/Logan: "Said the very biased man," Tane said with a smile. "Kyle can apparently. Which incidentally, the hell kind of name is Kyle? It sounds fake."

Logan coughed to hide a giggle before responding. It certainly seemed like the ill will was dissipating. "I would if the right person came along."

Tane nodded. "Right person, right timing, right....feeling."

Q: "You're both romantics. Hope you guys don't get hurt by someone. I'll help one of you kick the betrayer's ass if it comes to that."

Tane/Logan: "I'm what I call a go with the flow romantic. If it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't. Love exists in a thousand different forms."

Logan smiled to herself. "More people should think that way," she mused, mostly to herself. "And be ready to kick someone's ass at a moment's notice," she added to Q. "You're a very good friend, Quintin."

Q: "So if you were with someone, someone you were growing fond of, and that person didn't believe in marriage for themselves, would you resent them?" Eyes locked with the bouncer, but soon turned away.

"Again with that?" he chuckled.

Tane/Logan: Logan grinned. "Yes, again. It can't be said enough."

For the first time all afternoon Tane wished Logan wasn't here, if only so he could gather Q into his arms and kiss him. "End of the day, religious aspect aside marriage is a piece of paper. Good friendships are just as much of a marriage as romantic ones and they don't need the paper because that's not really what matters. It's the love, the relationship itself. Being committed to someone. So no, I wouldn't resent them. Not over a piece of paper and--at the risk of sounding like a crass American--tax benefits."

Q: "So, a friendship with benefits is your idea of romance, hmm? If you can handle it, by all means, I hope it works out for you, Tane." A subtle squeeze was given to his arm. So much said without Logan understanding, at least he hoped. He wasn't trying very hard.

Tane: He laughed softly, wished again for the privacy to kiss his beloved bartender. "Nah, it goes deeper than that. Friends with benefits implies there's only...you know, that benefit." There would be no crudeness around Logan. "It's more like...a commitment without ceremony, if that makes sense. Something that's solid and real and meaningful even without the paper. That being said, the paper is good when it feels right and it's mutually desired but I don't think it's absolutely necessary for everyone."

Q: This wasn't over, he thought, sighed. It was more than that. He felt this subtle conversation about their relationship was far from their understanding. How had he managed to find someone accepting of his lifestyle, of his career choice? Tane would live to regret this.

"I think the Catholic Church would have some words for you, my man."

Tane/Logan: "Oh, I'm sure they would." He had quite a few words for them himself, but he wouldn't get into it with Logan present. Trashing the church she felt so connected to would do their relationship no favors.

"They have some words for everyone," said Logan. "There are very few things they don't have an opinion on."

Q: "Do you think, if you...didn't live at the orphanage, you'd be Catholic, Logan?"

Logan: "I honestly don't know. I'd probably be dead if I hadn't gone to the orphanage." Or worse, be a ghoul or a blood bag for some vampire.

Q: Perhaps the wrong question to ask. He glanced to Tane and restrained from coughing.

"I don't think you'd be dead. You're strong. You'd survive somehow."

Tane/Logan: Tane just gave Q's arm a squeeze. However much he hated that Logan had grown up in an orphanage, he was eternally grateful that they had cared for her so well.

"Maybe, if I got lucky. But survival isn't the same as living. Even though it wasn't ideal, I had a peaceful rest of my childhood in the orphanage. My faith saved me."

Q: Should a deity take all the credit for her being here? He didn't think so, but just like Tane, he didn't want to get into it. He simply smiled. "The world is yours now. You don't belong to anyone but yourself."

Logan: A deity and a good man named Dana Tolvin. "That's true. It's very unsettling, but it's true. I've never been on my own before."

Q: "Well, you found just the town to settle in, unless you're missing Aus-" Q stopped in his tracks, pointed ahead of them. "That a sleeping snake?" A dark skinned snake curled directly in their path.

Tane/Logan: Tane and Logan both looked to where Q was pointing.

"Yep," Logan said casually, continuing on with an ease only an Australian would have. "Want to move it or turn back?"

Q: "Move it? Fuck no. I don't want to die."

Tane/Logan: She laughed. "It's just a sleepy little snake, he won't hurt you."

"I think that's the most Australian thing you've said today," Tane said with a grin, making her laugh more as he turned them around and started back up the path.

Q: "Logan, get over here. Leave sleepy deadly over there to dream of killing mice."

Logan: "Okay, okay," she chuckled, wishing the sleeping reptile sweet dreams before following after them. "I take it you're not a fan of snakes?"

Q: "Not a fan of snakes, no ma'am. Not a fan of spiders or creepy crawlies in any form." He laughed. "Yet I've gone walking into caves like an idiot."

Logan: "You would hate it in Australia. Poisonous creepy crawlies everywhere you go. I can't tell you how many times I've removed spiders from the baths in the orphanage."

Q: "I don't know how I can hate them yet love every creature feature movie ever made. I would die in Australia."

Logan: She laughed again. "If you ever decide to visit, I'll protect you."

Q: "Maybe after Hawaii we can hop over."

Logan: "I like that idea. Would you want to invite Luke along for that as well? I don't think he's ever been to Australia."

Q: "If he's up for it. It's been too long since I went on a vacation with a crowd of people."

Tane: "Does four people count as a crowd?" Tane wondered.

Q: "It's less intimate, so yeah."

Tane: "Well then our crowd is going to have a great time. I'm taking you surfing."

Q: "I'm still taking you skydiving."

Tane: "And I will still be screaming all the way down."

Q: "Going skydiving with us, Logan?"

Logan: "I would faint."

Q: "I can't hold both of you at once."

Logan: "Oh you wouldn't even get that far, I would faint on the plane."

Q: "Did you come here by boat, and then train?" he laughed.

Logan: "By sleeping pill."

Q: "Oh, speaking of, do you drink?"

Logan: "Just beer and wine at mass."

Q: "My job is not in vein? What's your favorite beer?"

Logan: "Nope," she chuckled. "Blue moon. It's tastes orange-y."

Q: "Served with orange slices and yes, it is orange. That's the only one you like?"

Logan: "I like Guinness too, but only on occasion. I'm a girl of simple tastes."

Q: "Nothing wrong with that. Just trying to think of something else you might enjoy with a great meal or not-too-sweet dessert."

Logan: "If it's citrus-flavored I'll probably enjoy it."

Q: "Maybe with a uh, fruit tart or New York cheesecake."

Logan: "I do love cheesecake. I make an amazing blackberry and lemon one."

Q: "That sounds very you."

Logan: Logan smiled. "Does it?"

Q: "Of course it does. You seem an expert with fruit."

Logan: "I wouldn't call myself an expert but I do like to put fruit in everything I can. I'm not really partial to super heavy desserts."

Q: "So that black forest cake was purely for my sake, hmm?"

Logan: "Not entirely. I did put tons of fruit on it," she chuckled.

Q: "I saw." He looked to Tane, now checking on his wellness. His concern had been for her for the better part of the day, but how was he?

Tane: Tane might as well have been on cloud nine. He wasn't just getting to spend time with Logan, he was making her laugh and smile and they were making plans to see each other again, perhaps on more than one occasion. This day was going better than he ever could've imagined.

His eyes and his smile promised many, many kissed as soon as they were alone.

Q: "So," he sighed, "what are we gonna do now? Want to go somewhere? My apartment is too tiny for three."

Just you wait, Tane. Your time will come.

Logan: "Only thing I had planned today was this. Oh, and choir practice later. Did you have anywhere you wanted to go today?"

Q: "Nothing else planned today but you."

Logan: "Aw, don't I feel special," she said with a smile. "I'd invite you to the cabin if it wasn't such a mess."

Q: "A mess Tane and I can help clean?"

Logan: "Oh no, I couldn't ask either of you to do that, it's mortifying."

Q: "I've seen messes in my time. Was homeless a couple of times. I don't think you can scare me."

Logan: She thought of all the books on the supernatural strewn about her living room. No way to explain those without sounding insane. "Don't be so sure. However, if you know of someone who needs some petty cash who's willing to cut my grass, I'd appreciate it."

Q: Oh. He looked to Tane again. Will you volunteer, or shall I? Going once, going twice...

"I'll do it. Keep your money."

Logan: "You just bought us all lunch, I can't send you to tame that jungle without paying you."

Q: "You'll find me in camo doing it when you don't suspect."

Tane/Logan: Logan gave him a playful squint. She didn't doubt that for a minute. "Am I going to find you doing my yard work as well?" she asked Tane.

Her godfather's only response was a perfectly innocent smile.

Q: "You'll never see us, so give us something else to do."

Logan: "Something deep down in my soul will not allow it."

Q: "That selfless, I don't need help from no man part of your soul?"

Logan: Logan chuckled and shook her head. "The I can't let people help me out for nothing part. You've got to let me pay you back somehow."

Q: "Pay me back wiiiith more cherry desserts."

Logan: "That's it?"

Q: "Well, yeah. I loved my Christmas present."

Logan: "I could make you a bunch of mini black forest cakes this time," she said with a smile.

Q: "I'll be fat by Thanksgiving."

Logan: "You? Never."

Q: "It can happen! I eat enough. My metabolism won't last."

Tane: "That's where I come in," said Tane.

Q: Don't go to a perverted place. "Oh? Gonna jog with me?"

Tane: "Of course. Jog, swim, lift weights, anything you want." Tane smiled playfully. His mind was already at the perverted place. "I'll give you a real good workout."

Q: His playful smile was met with Q's. "No matter what you make me do, I'll never look like you. Just putting that out there."

Tane: "Nah, that's not the goal. You look just fine." Beautifully fine. "The goal is to counteract the cake Logan will make you."

Q: By now, she had to suspect something with their tone, their subtle flirtations. Q would stake money on his presumption.

"Maybe a sugar free version so I don't die?"

Logan: Normally, yes, Logan would've picked up on it. They were talking the way she used to talk to June all the time. But these days Logan was just a little off her game, so their flirting was flying under her radar.

For now at least.

"Absolutely. I just got some agave syrup I can use instead."

Q: "It'll still be good. I trust you." She'd know soon enough. Arm in arm, perhaps she knew her godfather was gay. Oh well. As much as Q wanted to kiss Tane's shoulder, he would just have to wait.

Tane/Logan: She smiled. "Why thank you. And it will be, you'll see."

If Logan had any idea about that, she was keeping it to herself. Not that it really mattered. She was a Catholic lesbian, after all.

"I've um...I've made the pineapple upside down cake with agave, too," she said to Tane.

He grinned. "Yeah? Any good?"

"Very good."

Q: Q smiled to himself, keeping quiet to allow them more conversation without interruptions.

Tane/Logan: "I made it with honey, too. That was...less successful. But honey's tricky that way. Agave and brown sugar work best."

"Do you use brown sugar for everything?"

"Just about. Including my tea."

Was this a mundane conversation? Yes. But it was a very groundbreaking mundane conversation, at least for them.

"I can only drink tea when it's cold," Tane was saying. "It was nice coming here and having iced tea that's already sweetened literally everywhere."

Q: "I can only take hot tea when I first wake up, or a party where I have no choice." He didn't mind the mundane one bit, in this situation.

Tane: Tane chuckled. "You've been to parties where you've had no choice but to drink hot tea?"

Q: "I have in fact been to a tea party against my will. One of those high tea occasions. Formal but with personality. Our hostess was full of personality."

Logan: "In Edenton?" Logan asked. "The only people here--as far as I know--who take high tea are Father Patrick and that sweet old lady who has a last name that sounds like it came out of Harry Potter."

Q: "No, it was years ago in Chicago. I was arm candy, nothing more, but I had to learn silverware placement long before she'd allow me to join her."

Logan: "Ah, she was one of those," Logan said with a nod. A stuffy formal tea hosted by who she could only imagine was a stuffy formal woman. "And let me guess. You've had no use for that information since."

Q: "Of course I have. It's good to have under belt. Like I said, she's full of personality, but some things "are just a part of a good impression" she'd say."

Logan: "Then I'm doomed to only make an acceptable impression. Fancy silverware was my one teenage rebellion."

Q: "It's pretty easy. Just start on the outside and work your way in."

Logan: "I think I blocked it out. I don't exactly have fond memories of the woman who taught me so I refused to learn. And remember what I did manage to learn."

Q: "A nun with bony fingers?"

Logan: "A rich lady that made us her charity project."

Q: "What, she would just come, not adopt, and just give lessons on how to be a "proper" lady?"

Logan: "Oh, yes. And look down her nose at us and the nuns the entire time. Yes, even the nuns. The fact that they took a vow of poverty was completely repulsive to her and she hid it very poorly."

Q: "See, I don't like that. I don't think the woman I knew would be like that. She was well off, very intelligent, rich taste and high class, but she was...she was active in various charities and actually gave a shit. Seen her with paint on her face and dust on her hands from helping build a house. I - I dunno why I'm talking about her," he laughed.

Logan: Logan's estimation of Q's tea party friend rose a bit. She still thought it was ridiculous that human beings had invented so many ridiculous uses for silverware though. "It was the tea," she chuckled. "Or rather the tea party she threw."

Q: "She got me the best suit I've ever worn. I still have it in my closet."

Logan: "One of the really beautiful ones that the models in GQ wear?"

Q: "Oh yeah. Nice pattern and everything."

Logan: "I'll bet it looks lovely on you. Do you get a chance to wear it very often?"

Q: "Not very often, no. I love to, but Edenton's not - it's not high tea."

Logan: "That it is not. It's clam bake and beach barbecue."

Q: "Nothing wrong with a beach party. You can dress nicely for it."

Logan: "You can. Less formally, but very nice. June's family is hosting one and she bought the prettiest dress for it. It looks like a rainbow exploded on the fabric."

Q: "She would," he laughed. "Family reunion or something?"

Logan: "I think her mother's just excited about being out in nice weather."

Q: A glance was given to Tane. You alright over there?

"Have you been invited?"

Tane/Logan: Tane gave a subtle squeeze to Q's arm. Once he'd figured out who they were talking about he hadn't exactly been thrilled, but his spirits were lifting again now that they were moving on to another subject.

Logan nodded. "I have, but I don't think I'm going to go."

Q: "Oh, no. You should. Socializing is so important."

Tane's arm was squeezed as well. If only he could kiss him he would. Highly inappropriate at the moment.

Logan: "I do socialize. I go to choir and have tea with Laura and talk to you and Luke and June. I have dinner at Pete's a few times a week."

Q: "I can't assume the beach party is too much sun for an Australian," he smiled.

Logan: "It isn't," she chuckled. "I'm just not big on parties."

Q: Maybe it was more. Maybe it was the loss of her pseudo brother still holding her in chains. He wouldn't say that, not while sober.

"So then we'll just have to entertain you ourselves."

Logan: Q was right in a way. The thought of seeing and being around June's big happy family when her own was gone just...broke her heart.

Still, she smiled. "You've been doing plenty of that today."

Q: "Been trying to." Nothing more today. Asking for dinner together would be too much. This was a single step. There were more to take and Tane had to be patient. "Aside from yard work, are you sure there's nothing else we can do?"

Tane/Logan: "Anything at all," Tane said before he could stop himself. That didn't sound too eager and pushy did it? Oh god, what if it did and he'd just ruined their progress and--

"I'm sure." Logan smiled at the two of them and Tane felt the tension drain from his shoulders. "You've already done so much, and I will pay you both for the yard work."

Q: "Pay in sugar free forest cake and I'll be content." The vehicle came into view, and the bartender slowed his pace. He wanted this to drag for as long as possible.

Tane/Logan: "Done. Sugar free black forest cake and brown sugar pineapple upside down cake." That last was said softly and with a shy smile in Tane's direction.

Her godfather's heart could've burst with joy. Did you hear, Q? She was going to make him cake!

Q: Alright, alright. Both were released. The day seemed to have flown by and now there was nothing left but to say goodbye. He turned to the woman to his right and smiled. "You had a good time?"

Logan: "I had a wonderful time," she said, smiling back. "Thank you for lunch, and for the walk and Frisbee game."

Q: "Give me a call whenever you want us to come over, alright?" He looked to Tane. Was that alright?

Tane/Logan: Tane nodded in agreement. It was perfectly all right.

"I will, promise. Thank you for that, too."

Q: Q took his time getting into the Tracker, waiting for Logan to be the first to leave. It wasn't important for any other reason than to jump into his arms once the coast was clear. This had been a success that had exceeded his expectations.

Tane/Logan: Logan waved goodbye to them as she got into her truck, promising once again to call before starting the engine.

She was barely out of the parking lot before Tane swept Q into his arms, spinning him and laughing and kissing him to within an inch of his life.

[ezatluba]

Stressed pets: How to stop it now and when you go back to work

By Sandee LaMotte

April 25, 2020

Pets offer the opportunity for different generations to connect, easing the way toward deeper communications, fostering healthy bonding and reducing loneliness.

Happy dogs chasing balls on their fourth walk of the day. Purring puffs of fluff who can't wait to snuggle with pet parents miraculously home all day. These are the images we may have of sheltering with our pets during the age of coronavirus.

For some pets, that may well be true. For others used to more regular routines and serious alone time, the sudden reality of 24/7 intimacy could be nerve-racking, even catastrophic, especially if there are small children in the home."It can be overwhelming for pets when kids are home all the time, especially infants and toddlers. which is why they should never be left alone with the pet, not even for 30 seconds," said Dr. John Howe, the president of the American Veterinary Medical Association.

"Even the nicest dog in the world can bite. In fact there are 4.5 million dog bites a year in America, and over 800,000 of them need medical attention," Howe said. "Over half the bites are to children, and it's usually a serious injury when it happens to a child."Dogs and cats really need a safe place where they feel comfortable, where they can go and not be bothered," he said, "especially if there's children in the house."We transfer our stress, tooTo make matters worse, many of us humans are incredibly stressed right now. We're worried about our health and that of our loved ones during the pandemic. We're working long hours from home or fretting over the loss of a job. We're going stir crazy from social isolation or tense from being with the same people without a break.

While we may think we're handling all that well, our pets will recognize our tension and anxiety -- and may make it their own."You might think you're internalizing everything, but what we know from studies on both humans and animals is that we are not. There's physical manifestations that are probably even more obvious to our dogs and cats than ourselves," said Dr. Dana Varble, the chief veterinary officer for the North American Veterinary Community."Their emotions can be a reflection of ours because they are so tightly bonded with us," said veterinarian Dr. Meredith Montgomery, a clinical assistant professor of shelter medicine at the University of Florida.Montgomery, who specializes in decreasing stress for shelter dogs and cats, has seen it firsthand while isolating with four medically rescued cats and a dog.

Her cats have not reacted well to the constant din and boundless energy of her two-year-old toddler, who's now home instead of at day care most of the day."None of my cats particularly enjoy each other. So what's been very important for us in keeping a peaceful household is that they all have their own space within the home," Montgomery said. She's done that by using baby gates to provide some respite and encourages "vertical space within the home and giving each cat access to established areas, like boxes, where they can hide."How to tell if your pet is stressedRealize that there aren't specific signs that will apply to every dog or cat, experts said."Just like us, every dog or cat is an individual," Montgomery said. "So not only are different things going to stress them, but they also might have different and unique thresholds for stress."

Stressed dogs can startle, jumping at the slightest sound or movement. Some shake and shiver, vocalize excessively or drool. They can use self-calming techniques, such as yawning, lip licking, excessive grooming or spinning. Oddly, tense and upset dogs can also look depressed, showing a lack of appetite or energy. At times they can get diarrhea or urinate or defecate more often. And, of course, dogs can become uncharacteristically aggressive, snapping or growling. Cats, on the other hand, are more difficult to read, said experts. You have to look for more subtle signs, such as overgrooming, increased vocalization, lack of appetite, hiding or acting standoffish and, of course, suddenly ignoring their litter box.

"Cats will usually give you some little hint and if you ignore it, that's when they start to poop on the bed, pee on the couch, go outside the litter box," Howe said. While you should always check with your vet to make sure there's no urinary infection, stress itself can cause significant problems, he said."In fact, sometimes cats get a hemorrhagic cystitis where they start peeing blood, and it's just from stress, not from infection," Howe said.Help your dog and cat calm downIt's all about routine. For both species, the main solution is to stick to a regular regimen, just as you would do with a young child, experts said."They love to have the same routine," Howe said. "Getting up at the same time, eating at the same time, playing at the same time. That's the key."Use pet gates and crates. If a dog is crate trained, it can be very soothing for them to go back to their own special place, Howe said."They're safe, they're comfortable, and it's an opportunity for them to practice independence in their own space," he said. The use of baby and pet gates or barriers can also help keep pets and children separated, he added."Gates are so good to have while you're doing something like cooking, when you can't give the kids or dog direct supervision," Howe said.Play species-specific music. It's actually true that music does soothe the savage soul.

"Something that I use in the shelters and high-volume spay-neuter facilities that I've worked in is playing music," Montgomery said. "I have used slow-paced classical music at a low volume for 'quiet hour' with shelter dogs." She said that allows them time for decompression with a food puzzle or "treat-filled Kong, providing a healthy, appropriate chewing outlet."There are even species-specific tunes. A study published in 2015 found that cats preferred such feline-favorite sounds such as chirping, purring and the sucking sound of nursing kittens, mixed in with some classical music strains. You and your cat can listen here, while Spotify and other websites provide playlists for dogs.Keep grooming and playing. Dogs need regular exercise and playtime with their owners, experts said. If you're suddenly sitting on your couch all day instead, you'll soon see the signs of distress in your pet.

Cats, too, need daily play that mimics what they would do in the wild. Playing with toys such as feather spinners and puzzles that contain treats can energize cats and keep them happy. "Play with them, stimulate their hunting instincts, then feed them," Howe suggested. After all, big cats in the wild rest after a good hunt and a full tummy.Hopefully, grooming is part of your regular routine as good health care for your dog or cat. When it comes to calming, if your cat likes to be brushed, that's often a winner. "Grooming is very soothing to most cats," Howe said.Check your litter box etiquette. Most cat owners already know they need to keep the litter boxes sparkling clean by scooping often. Cat are also very sensitive to the type of litter (most like sandy or clay-based) and scent (they prefer no scent). The litter box should be big enough for the cat to turn around in -- bigger is better -- and there should be a litter box on every level of your home. And if you have multiple cats?

"If you have two cats, you have three litter boxes spaced throughout the house, if you have three cats, add another," Montgomery said. The rule is to always have one more litter box than the total number of cats in the home. It's also a good idea not to have a covering on a litter box, especially in multi-cat households, as cats feel most vulnerable while urinating or defecating, experts said.Use positive, not negative reinforcement. Having a dog rip up clothing or paper or your cat starting to scratch the couch or either species offering a sudden "gift" of pee or poop may seem like a personal affront, but experts said you should never take it personally."Dogs, and potentially cats, may be experiencing severe anxiety, which results in these fear-based or anxiety-based behaviors," Montgomery said. "But it's not some form of retribution against the owners. It's because they're experiencing a really heightened emotional state."

Positive reinforcement, such as providing treats when the cat does go in the litter box or the dog poops outside, is the best way to solve behavior problems, experts said. "Unfortunately one of the harder things to do is to ignore bad behavior," Varble said. "But say your dog is bugging you, constantly nudging you. If they give up and they go away to their bed, it's really important at that moment to go over to your dog and say, 'Oh, good dog sitting on your bed. Do the petting there, reinforce that."Keep trying. If problems continue, veterinarians want you to reach out, as they are quite used to helping owners with such behaviors. Vets may suggest pheromone diffusers -- made for both dogs and cats -- that you can put in the home to promote relaxation and calm nerves. Your vet may prescribe additional anxiety medications, or your vet may suggest a consultation with a behavioral specialist."The American College of Veterinary Behaviorists, ACVB, has a great website to find a veterinary behavioral expert that can do a consult with you," Varble said. "And some of those behaviorists are already set up to do via the phone or video." Getting your pet ready for your return to workAgain, routine is king. "Try and maintain some sort of typical work schedule as best you can right now," said Varble. "The more that we stick to typical work schedule and routine, the better our pets are going to adapt when we go back to work."

That includes feeding, exercising, playing and grooming at about the same times each day, experts said. But if you've fallen off schedule while sheltering (and who hasn't), don't fret."If you know you're going to go back to work in 10 days or so, start getting yourself and your animal on a more typical schedule," Montgomery said. "Focus on doing things that you have been doing, like taking them for a short walk, and make sure you're still fitting in those activities after your return to work."Consider crate training: If you haven't taught your dog how to stay in a crate, that might be a good choice now, experts said. "Now while you're still home, get your dog used to being in the crate," Howe said. "You can still walk by and talk to your dog, but getting them used to the crate if you can't leave them loose is very important."Keep up the playtime. Just because you're not there in the house all day doesn't mean you can't have "quality time" with your pet, experts said."What may this look like? Ten to 30 minutes of play with a favorite wand toy, special brushing session (if liked by your pet), a walk with your leashed dog, or time spent with a favorite toy playing fetch or tug-of-war," Montgomery said, adding that her older dog enjoys "getting one-on-one time for ear scratches with her favorite person."

As for pets with high energy, finding them an appropriate outlet can be important, she said."Daytime, individual dog-walking services may be beneficial as people return to nonessential services," Montgomery said. "Providing food-filled Kongs or feeding toys and puzzles for cats and dogs can also be a way to keep their minds happy and engaged while we are away at work."

Reach out to your vet. Veterinarians want pet owners to reach out for help, both during coronavirus and after."We have a lot of information for the pet-owning public created by veterinarians on our website and they can also find Covid-19-specific information as well," Howe said.

[lostdogs10]

#TheXFiles Creator Chris Carter On Making More Seasons, Lone Gunmen’s Return & ‘Millennium’ – NY Comic Con

“We’re looking at a world where now truth is thrown out the window and conspiracy is now seemingly the center,” says The X-Files creator Chris Carter of bringing back the pivotal drama in the era of Donald Trump. “Everything’s been turned on its head and that’s an interesting time to be telling X-Files stories,” the producer added of the latest season likely set to debut next year.

About halfway through production on the 10-episode eleventh season of the David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson starring series, Carter will be joined today at New York Comic Con by the actors who portray paranormal phenomena investigating FBI Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully plus cast member Mitch Pileggi. In revealing the much anticipated Main Stage panel last month, Fox heighten the always bubbling X-Files hype with a promise of new footage being shown to fans.

Having first run on the then young network from 1993 to 2002, The X-Files returned to the small screen and solid ratings for a limited series in early 2016. With American Gods‘ Anderson, Duchovny and Pileggi back as FBI Assistant Director Walter Skinner, the success of that six-episode season made more X-Filesseem a done deal. On April 20,  Season 11 was officially announced by Fox.

Before Sunday’s panel on the closing day of NYCC, Carter chatted with me about bringing The X-Files back again, would he do more and what else would he like to do. The executive producer also revealed the status of the Lone Gunmen characters for Season 11 and why he still believes the truth is out there, now more than ever.

DEADLINE: So, after a small screen absence of almost 14 years, you opened up The X-Files again in 2016 for a limited series, why do it again?

CARTER: You know, last time, which would be the first new series, I got a phone call from 20th Century Fox who said the actors were very interested in doing the show again. It was something that I hadn’t anticipated but when I heard the actors wanted to do it I threw in. I have to say it’s the same with the second round here. Everyone was excited to do it and thought there was good, original work to do and here we are.

DEADLINE: We’ve had a few peeks at what this eleventh season could pertain, but that pic of Mulder by the hospital bed of Scully seems a shift from where things ended in Season 10…

CARTER: I think that picture tells you that there is something to be suspected about that season finale that things may not be what they appear.

DEADLINE: Well, that’s The X-Files in a nutshell isn’t it? It also makes me think you were indeed planning for more of the show when you were putting together the end of last year’s six-episode run, that’s true?

CARTER: (laughs) I always am and the season finale typically and traditionally on The X-Files ended with a cliffhanger. I would say last season was no different. The show is…20th Century Fox has something that they feel is valuable. It is not for me to draw to a close without serious consideration.

DEADLINE: Were you seriously thinking of trying to get Vince Gilligan and others who made cut their teeth writing for The X-Files back in the original run to return for Season 11?

CARTER: I asked Vince originally and he was busy doing Better Call Saul, that is the case again this year. We have Darin Morgan, Glen Morgan and James Wong back so that is the band that I could pull together from I would call it the original group. Everyone else is off working on their own stuff.

DEADLINE: Gillian was quite critical earlier this year about what she saw as the lack of women in the writer’s room, what was your reaction to that?

CARTER: Last season, we had two credited women writers so that came as kind of a surprise to me because in fact there were women writing on the show last year. This season, we have three women working on the show. To use the rock band model, we really did put the band back together from the original guys and a couple people who have been with me for a combination of 30 years, so it was really just by and large putting the band back together.

DEADLINE: Speaking of putting the band back together, whom from the X-Files’ history are we going to see on-screen in the upcoming season?

CARTER: You’re going to see Mulder’s half brother who was also an FBI agent and his name is Jeffery Spender. You’re going to see, of course, Mitch Peleggi. You’re going to see the cigarette-smoking man, as you did last season. And you might see some new characters associated with those people and you certainly can expect to learn more if not see Mulder and Scully’s child, William.

DEADLINE: Will William actually be in the show?

CARTER: He��s always been in the show even if he’s been the absent center, but I have to say that that storyline is explored further.

DEADLINE: Obviously, one of the new editions to this season is Barbara Hershey At first, there was some discussion because of hair color that she was connected to Scully but what role is her character actually playing in the new season?

CARTER: Her character is, I would call it, someone who has been in the past in league with the cigarette-smoking man.

DEADLINE: Just specific enough to reveal almost nothing, and in that mode, will the Lone Gunmen resurface in this new season?

CARTER: Certainly you can expect, if not a reference to them, maybe seeing one of them.

DEADLINE: Halfway through production on this eleventh season and with two X-Files movies made, are you getting near to the end with these characters?

CARTER: There’s always more X-Files stories to tell. Every time I pick up the newspaper, every day literally, I see something that sparks an interest for me.

DEADLINE: So a Season 12 is in the cards?

CARTER: (laughs) I’m trying to finish this season. I certainly think the show has much more life in it. So, I can’t answer that question definitively but I can tell you that there are more stories to tell.

DEADLINE: Would you do more of them yourself?

CARTER: It’s always a question, certainly you weigh your opportunities with your time and your life itself.

DEADLINE: Talking about time, last year when the show first came back there were some who felt things go a bit too monster of the week and that there was something lost in the Mulder and Scully they had come to know. What did that reaction feel like for you?

CARTER: Look, we really tried to adhere to what we felt was the tone generally of the show and the tonal shift in the show. Originally we could go from mythology episodes to monster of the week episodes to comedy episodes and I felt that we gave everyone in those first six episodes a very good mix of those things.

So if you were to point to how many monster of the week episodes there were in the first six I would say that there are only two. Everything else was a mythology, a comedy, or in one case I would call it an experimental episode.

DEADLINE: So, I’ll take that as you thought the critics were unfounded?

CARTER: Well, I think something that’s not in any playbook is how to bring a show back that is essentially 25 years old. That’s something that requires a lot of consideration.

DEADLINE: How so for you?

CARTER: You’ve got an audience out there who are loyal fans of the show. You don’t want to hit them over the head with a catch up for the people who may not know the show as well. So you have to walk a fine line in giving the people who have come so far with you what they want and yet introducing the show to a whole new group of people.

DEADLINE: For those loyal fans, what place does The X-Files, which literally saw the rise of the digital revolution in the 1990s, have in 2017 and 2018?

CARTER: It’s funny, the show has always adhered to a reality and I would call that a political reality, social reality, and a scientific reality. It’s been an interesting ride in that those realities have changed so much from the beginning, 1993, to the present so the show is ever changing as those things are ever changing.

DEADLINE: Changing how?

CARTER: We saw it as a really interesting time to be telling X-Files stories. I’ve always felt that the heart of the show was science. Scully’s groundedness was what gave the show a center so that scientific truth was the thing that kept Mulder in check and his belief in conspiracies or certainly pursuit of them was the thing that always set the show on edge or produced the upheaval.

We’re looking at a world where now truth is thrown out the window and conspiracy is now seemingly the center. Everything’s been turned on its head and that’s an interesting time to be telling X-Files stories.

DEADLINE: In such times, are there other shows you’d like to resurrect?

CARTER: I think Millennium would be a show that would have more life in it but no one’s ever spoken seriously to me about that.

DEADLINE: Odd..

CARTER: Yeah, I always feel that there are more of those stories to tell as well. After three seasons, we pulled the plug on that show but the ratings were still very good so I think that there is a new approach to that show building on the solid foundation that was already there.

Link (X) 

[sepublic]

Understanding Willow!

           Big surprise- ANOTHER great episode!

           You know what, let me just try to process what happened, by going through the beginning and from there! Firstly, it’s funny that the show confirmed that Amity is only tolerating Boscha and Skara at this point (and I guess some of those other friends), and she’s making it pretty clear to them as well- At BEST, her expressions are neutral around them! Honestly, Boscha and Skara’s parents being friends with Mr. and Mrs. Blight makes sense, it’s messed up but not surprising that they’d use their kid to try to establish connections with OTHER families! I have to wonder what Boscha and Skara’s parents are like… We know Boscha’s mom is, well…

           Also, I was wondering why Dana confirmed Skara’s name, and now we know- It’s because she’s slightly plot relevant in this episode! I love the details of the literal butterflies being converted into birthday invitations, that’s always neat… Apparently Skara is also considered ‘popular’, too? Anyhow, I also noticed that the one girl in the Healing Track with glasses, who was also at Amity’s Moonlight Conjuring, got the haircut we saw Matthieu Cousin draw her with! THAT was a neat little easter egg! We also see a young Bo with Boscha at some point, and this is super-pointless… But would their ship-name be BOscha? Boschabo? Bo squared?

           Gus’ little B-plot was pretty funny, and I’m glad we’re getting more interactions between the cast now! I love the callback to Sense and Insensitivity, with Not-Dana/Tiny Nose being ‘missing’ ever since her deal with Piniet… I can only imagine what happened there! Honestly, there’s not much for the dude to squash into a cube, but you get the idea! Eda and King competing for Gus’ interview was also hilarious, and DANG IT KING, answer the question- WHEN were you born, I know a couple of people, myself included, who are VERY interested in this answer…! I suspected Hooty would be chosen and I was right, but also not surprised, when Gus quickly regretted his decision! But hey, at least Hooty is happy!

           (Also, that Eda dance.)

           Luz is such a dork as always, loudly declaring that she’ll stick her face into something random, and then just going NYOOM when Inner Willow chucks her in- I wouldn’t have her any other way, and I love that we have ANOTHER picture of her when she was younger! Season 1B just keeps giving… Although let’s be real, it’s an extension of Season 1, and THAT gave us this entire show and Luz to begin with!

           Onto the meat of this episode! First off… WILLOW’S DADS ARE GAY! Honestly didn’t see that coming, but I love it and I wish we got to see more of them! I’m also interested to see which dad (assuming it’s not both) has a Magic Staff, and if it has a Palisman, but that’s another discussion for another day! I WANT MORE WILLOW AND HER LOVING PARENTS, dang it! Parents who put her in Abominations but also still mean well and have Christmas morning with her! I want to see Willow’s house and life at home, dang it! I want to MEET her parents properly, see them react to Luz!

           YOUNG WILLOW AND AMITY! YOUNG WILLOW AND AMITY! That’s just adorable… I love their little memories together, and the egg-pit gag was hilarious! It’s also super-minor but I adore that we got a cameo from the librarian during their past memories as well!

           Inner Willow, though… At first I thought the flame-being was just, like, the incarnation of Amity’s spell. But then Eda mentioned the Inner Willow, and was like, OHHH… Oh boy. She was out for BLOOD, too! Angry Willow is pretty terrifying, but rightfully so- I’m glad the show didn’t shy over her anger and her genuine grievances with Amity! That had to have HURT, being on fire, but at the same time you can tell that Willow also genuinely wanted to burn her memories with Amity, too… Oof. How many years of pent-up rage and grief, manifesting, before spilling over at this final straw of being burnt? Amity is thematically associated with Fire, which burns plants, and her last name literally refers to a plant disease! You can tell just how BADLY Willow has been hurting on the inside, possibly even hating herself in the process, and I...!

You know, I doubt there’s any substantial connection between Willow and Belos beyond this, but I think it’s interesting to see that they BOTH have glowing green eyes- It’s interesting that such characters are shown (or at least implied) to be powerful, and now I can’t help but imagine Willow meeting Belos, and Willow going HAM for her friends… I wonder if the glowing eyes are a sign of being emotionally repressed, until it all just comes flowing outwards? Given how Belos values control, this may also apply to himself as well… Anyhow, I adore Willow’s friendship and love of Luz though, she has NOTHING against her and I love how even after almost losing her mind she still jokes with her! Willow’s got that scary side, but she’s also sweet and I love the show acknowledging how gangly Luz can be!

           Amity! Looks like her dad got to have a voice, after all! Not much to her memories (Makes sense, we’re going into Willow’s here), but we clearly had insightful character moments! I have to wonder, did Amity know about how destroying the photos would destroy the mind as well? We don’t know if she’s in Photo Class and if she knows about the Memory Tweezers, so who knows? Either way that was NOT cool…

           Honestly, I like that the show doesn’t shy away or forget what Amity did to Willow! I love Amity with all my heart, but I was definitely anxious to see how these two felt about one another- I had a feeling that Amity may not have totally gotten over her issues and still felt a little harsh towards Willow, which makes sense! She’s a flawed, messed-up character with her own problems. But speaking of problems…

           DANG, her parents really made Amity get rid of her friend, on her own BIRTHDAY?! Jeez, at least wait until tomorrow at least… And not a big fan of them apparently deciding Amity’s guest list for her, it’s like they’re using their kid as a means to heighten their social status! Not that I’m shocked, I’ve already suspected this, but c’mon. I wonder how Emira and Edric felt about the whole thing with Amity breaking ties with Willow- Were they concerned for Mittens? Did they know about the parents threatening Willow, or to them did their little sister just suddenly become so cold and distant? I can only imagine how harsh Mr. and Mrs. Blight could be to them, but the twins seem a lot more independent and self-assured; It helps that they have each other!

           ALSO, Amity is in the Owl House for the first time! She gets to see how weird the shenanigans are, and I love how she makes the choice to enter a wanted criminal’s home to fix what she did wrong! I really have to wonder what went on in her head, when she chose to burn that photo of her and Willow… SUPER MESSED UP, of course, and I love how Eda just unapologetically gives Amity flack for it! But at the same time, I wonder if that moment was Amity’s greatest regret… It’s unlikely, but perhaps there was the tiny hope in Amity’s heart that if Willow forgot (assuming that was the intention), maybe they could be friends again? Again, not likely- What is more likely though is Amity not wanting Luz to think badly of her and ‘lose’ THAT friendship, but I digress!

           Poor Willow… I can only imagine how much PAIN she was in, both beforehand and when her Inner self was on fire! It was cute seeing her young and current Inner Selves interact, but at the same time it hurts because Willow is clearly someone who is used to being quiet and not noticed, and she just bottles up her rage and wrath inside until it manifests! I wonder… Could this be related to her glowing eyes? Could this apply to Belos? I dunno.

I appreciate the detail of Willow and Amity not exactly being willing to be friends again, I half-expected it and it makes sense! Amity clearly regrets what she did, it wasn’t her choice to begin with and she partly did it to protect Willow (Seriously, Mr. and Mrs. Blight were going to abuse their power to RUIN Willow’s education, what the heck?!) but she still let Boscha and Skara bully Willow. I’m glad she apologized for it, it shows a lot of growth on her part… It’d have been easy for Amity to blame her parents for what happened (and she wouldn’t even be WRONG, either) but she still owns up to not only her mistake of burning the memories, but just in general of being apathetic to Willow’s plight!

(Unrelated but I appreciate the Azura poster in her bedroom)

Overall- A fascinating episode, as expected! I did have issues with DisneyNOW constantly cutting the episode off with its Error symbol… And recently, every time the Error thing shows up and I click back in, instead of resuming the episode as always, the website is now forcing me to watch a few ads EVERY SINGLE TIME- I had to watch, like, seven times the ads I normally would have! Near the end it got pretty bad too, although I suspect this is because a lot of people are watching the episode! And I know it only became available at 2:08 AM or so (yeah I was EARLY and checked) but let’s be real here- We’re ALL pulling all-nighters for this show!

(I mean, I didn’t, I slept and woke up at the most convenient time without meaning to, but you get the idea.)

I didn’t touch on it as much earlier, but I love Luz’s whacky antics (or should I say shenanigans?) and how Willow and Amity are just… USED to it at this point! Willow totally expects Luz to try to repair her friendship with Amity, her kindness is just so well-known at this point and she’s so unconditionally well-meaning! Luz could’ve easily relegated the task of fixing Willow’s memories to Amity, who caused the problem- But her friend was at stake! And yeah she also wanted to experience Willow’s memories too, but still.

Honestly, with how much Luz is willing to do for both of these girls, it’s no wonder they love Luz so much! And with Enchanting Grom Fright up next… Even if there is no ‘declaration’, I can see their being the beginnings of a certain crush… for Amity, Luz is an anomaly who came out of nowhere but offers her unconditional love and support and has been changing her life for the better!

[chanoyu-to-wa]

Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.26):  the Ō-ita [大板], Part 2.

18.26) The ō-ita [大板], one additional sketch for the shoza, and one for the goza¹.

[The writing reads:  (to the right of the upper sketch) onaji (同)²; sho (初)³; (below the upper sketch) kōgō (香合); (to the left of the upper sketch) namban nado no migoto-naru hibashi nara ba gotoshi kurushikarazu (南蠻ナドノ見事ナル火箸ナラハ如此不苦)⁴, bon ha muyō nari (凡ハ無用也)⁵; tetsu-bashi ha okazu nari (鐵箸ハ不置也)⁶, sawari-bashi ha kurushikarazu (サハリ箸ハ不苦)⁷; (to the right of the lower sketch) onaji (同)⁸; go (後)⁹; isshaku san-sun shi-hō no ita ni ha hishaku mo yoshi (一尺三寸四方ノ板ニハヒサクモヨシ)¹⁰; hishaku ・ futaoki sa-yū kurushikarazu (ヒサク ・ 蓋置左右不苦)¹¹; hishaku ha nagami-tsumarite mazui (ヒサクハ長ミツマリテ不好)¹².]

_________________________

¹The implication of the way this brief densho was laid out is that the first three drawings present the reader with alternate arrangements for the shoza.

    Each of these would be followed by the same arrangement for the goza.

²Onaji [同].

    “The same.”  This sketch also depicts an arrangement for the ō-ita.

³Sho [初].

    “The sho[za].”  The sketch shows another way that the ō-ita could be arranged at the beginning of the shoza of a chakai.

⁴Namban nado no migoto-naru hibashi naraba gotoshi kurushikarazu [南蠻ナドノ見事ナル火箸ナラハ如此不苦].

    “[If it is a pair of] Namban [hibashi], or other such visually appealing things*, arranging [the ō-ita] in this way is unobjectionable.”

    Namban [南蠻], which means “Southern Barbarian(s)” is an imprecise term at best.  It was sometimes used to refer to the source of the imported items (i.e., the Portuguese, who had handled the transshipment of continental products since just before the middle of the sixteenth century), and sometimes to their place of origin (i.e., South-east Asia).  While some of the objects so classified were, in fact, produced in South-east China, Indochina, and the Indonesian and Philippine islands, others (and this frequently included the bronze and sawari† hashi that are the subject of this mention) came from Korea, where they were made for ceremonial occasions or for use by the Koryeo dynasty aristocracy. ___________ *Migoto-naru hibashi [見事なる火箸].

    Migoto [見事] means beautiful, splendid, and so forth (“something worth looking at”); migoto-naru [見事なる] -- “to become a migoto” -- would translate as stunning, brilliant, amazing.  In other words, a truly (technically) wonderful pair of hibashi -- usually a reference to the way the ends of the handles have been finished, often with miniature sculptures.  Rikyū’s sawari-hibashi featured the head of an old man.

    While modern “kazari-hibashi” [飾り火箸] are often made in two parts, with the ends of the handles cast separately (often of a different metal from the shafts, for example silver ends on a bronze or brass shaft), the classical examples were cast as a single unit, and then finished by hand (a much more time-consuming process).

†Sawari [四分一] -- the name means “one part in four” or 25% -- is a bronze alloy that contains a certain percentage (though apparently somewhat less than 25%) of silver.  The silver was added to prevent the metal from developing its usual bronze-brown color, remaining a pale gold instead.

    This metal appeared during the second half of the Koryeo dynasty, and was often used for tableware.

    Old sawari often develops a black mottling, which is the result of the imperfect diffusion of the silver atoms throughout the bronze matrix.

⁵Bon ha muyō nari [凡ハ無用也].

    “[If the hibashi] are common, however, it is unnecessary [to display them on the ō-ita].”

    Bon [凡] means mediocrity, mundane, indifferent.  It would be quite the opposite of migoto-naru [見事ナル].

⁶Tetsu-bashi ha okazu nari [鐵箸ハ不置也].

    “Iron [hi]bashi should never be placed [on the ō-ita].”

    This seems to be a distinctly Edo period sort of sentiment.  One of Rikyū‘s kazari-hibashi were made of iron, with silver inlaid in a kara-kusa pattern along the handle-end of the shaft.  (Many modern copies of these hibashi are made of bronze -- to accord with the prohibition reflected in this statement.)

⁷Sawari-bashi ha kurushikarazu [サハリ箸ハ不苦].

    “[But] there is no problem with [displaying] sawari [hi]bashi [in the way shown in the sketch].”

    This seems to mean that even if they were not exceptional pieces, hibashi made of sawari might always be displayed in this way.

    Sawari-hibashi were made as eating utensils for the Koryeo nobility, and it was possibly this historical association that accounts for this permission.

⁸Onaji [同].

    “The same.”  The final sketch also shows an arrangement for the ō-ita.

⁹Go [後].

    “The go[za].”  This is the way the ō-ita would be arranged for the goza of a chakai -- the implication being, for any of the chakai for which the previous three sketches showed the shoza.

    The ō-ita is considered a kind of tana.  As such, it is wrong for only the furo to be arranged on it.  Whether at the beginning of the shoza, or at the beginning of the goza, something else must be placed on the ita.

¹⁰Isshaku san-sun shi-hō no ita ni ha hishaku mo yoshi [一尺三寸四方ノ板ニハヒサクモヨシ].

    “It is also suitable for the hishaku to be [displayed] on a 1-shaku 3-sun square [ō-]ita.”

    This statement refers exclusively to Jōō’s 1-shaku 3-sun version of the ō-ita.  Ita of other sizes cannot be arranged in this way (see footnote 12, below).

¹¹Hishaku ・ futaoki sa-yū kurushikarazu [ヒサク ・ 蓋置左右不苦].

    “It does not matter if the hishaku [and] futaoki are on the left [side of the furo], or on the right.”

    While shown on the right side (in contrast to the various shoza arrangements were the objects placed on the ō-ita are on the left* -- the side closest to the katte), there is actually no hard and fast rule that they must be placed like this.  The host is free to put the hishaku and futaoki on whichever side he likes.

    The reason why the host might prefer to place the hishaku and futaoki on the side opposite that used for the utensils during the shoza is, as one might expect, variety.  Particularly since the Edo period, avoiding anything suggestive of repetition† became a sort of canonical rule. ___________ *While the host is free to put the hishaku and futaoki on whichever side he likes, apparently the same freedom does not exist in the case of the utensils used during the sumi-temae:  these must always be placed on the side of the ita closest to the katte.

†Ultimately, this idea developed into the modern “rule” that the host should never use the same utensils twice in the presence of any given guest -- thus, each chakai should feature an entirely new set of utensils.

    If modern guests take offense when the host reuses even one of the objects, how disappointed they would have been with the way Rikyū and his contemporaries chose to do things!

¹²Hishaku ha nagami-tsumarite mazui [ヒサクハ長ミツマリテ不好].

    “However, if the hishaku is longer [than the length of the ō-ita*], it is displeasing [to display it on such an ita].”

    This rule is no longer being observed -- in the case of many of the modern mizusashi-dana, it is rather common to see the end of the handle of the hishaku sticking out beyond the front edge of the shelf on which it rests†. __________ *This refers to the two machi-shū versions of the ō-ita, measuring 1-shaku 3-sun by 1-shaku, and 1-shaku 3-sun by 1-shaku 1-sun.  The point is that it is unpleasing for the end of the handle to be dangling over the edge of the ō-ita, as would be the case if either of these boards were used.

†According to Rikyu’s Nomura Sōkaku-ate no densho [野村宗覺宛の傳書], the same rule applied to the case of the Jōō’s shi-hō-ita [四方板] -- the shiki-ita that he designed for the medium-sized furo (the most formal kind of furo) when used apart from the large shin-daisu.  This ita measures 1-shaku 2-sun from side to side, but only 1-shaku from front to back, and only the futaoki is placed next to it, as shown in the above sketch.

    This arrangement was known as futatsu-kazari [二ツ餝] (in reference to the mizusashi and either the furo or the futaoki -- apparently one or the other of the latter was not included in the calculations).  In the above-mentioned densho Rikyu reiterates the rule that the futaoki should always be placed on the katte-side of the furo.  This seems to argue against the idea that -- for the sake of variety -- the hishaku and futaoki should be displayed on the side of the furo nearest the guests.

——————————————–———-—————————————————

The final entry (which is not entirely lucid -- the Enkaku-ji version of the text, in particular, contains a number of omissions) consists of Rikyū’s concluding remarks*, purportedly appraising the contents of the collection of documents that Tachibana Jitsuzan combined into Book Three of the Nampō Roku. 

    These remarks are addressed to Nambō Sōkei*:  “migi ichi-ran mōshi-sōrotte, sate mo mamemameshiki iro-iro no koto-domo wo kake-gaki atsume-sōrō, zakyō zatsu-domo gyoki tome-sōrō han wa fu-son sōrru, kōgo o-monogatari yudan mōshi majiki sōrō, tai-shō tai-shō” [右一覧申候、サテモマメ〰敷色〻之事共ヲ被書集候、座興雜共御記留候半は不存候ツル、向後御物���由斷申間敷候、大笑〻〻].

    “Having taken a look at the [material] on the right, I am surprised by how diligently you have described these matters.  Nevertheless, it might be better to stop making a record of things that were heard during an informal chat -- since these ‘half truths’ are otherwise unknown.  Hereafter you should not be so careless about including (such) errors in your story:  I can't stop laughing!”

    Mamemameshiki [忠實忠實敷] means diligently, faithfully, industriously, and so forth.  It is possible that Rikyū (or whomever actually wrote this nonsense) was being ironic (since he goes on to chide Sōkei for including hearsay).

    Sate mo [扨も] is an ejaculation of surprise, or of being impressed by (the wonder of) something.  Once again, it could be argued, given the subsequent turn of the comments, that the author was expressing surprise or shock (that such foolish things were included).

    With respect to zatsu-domo [雜共], Tanaka Senshō points out that, in Jitsuzan's original version of the text, the expression is zatsudan-domo [雑談共], which means gossip, idle talk.  In other words, “one had best not record things that were imparted during an informal chat” (referring to such things as Sōkyū's comments on the size of the ō-ita that were discussed in Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.25):  the Ō-ita [大板], Part 1).  However, aside from this example, it is difficult to find any other passages that obviously could be considered questionable -- in so far as the Nampō Roku is concerned†.

    Yudan [由斷] is, likewise, a miscopying of yudan [油斷], which means negligence or carelessness.  That is, “hereafter [you] should not be careless to include errors in your story.”

    Likewise, Tanaka notes that han [半] was originally han-gi [半義], which means something like “half-truths”:  “these ‘half-truths’ are [otherwise] unknown.”

    Tai-shō tai-shō [大笑〻〻]:  tai-shō means loud laughter; doubling it gives emphasis to Rikyū’s amusement (at his own words, since there is nothing intentionally funny about the sketches or the kaki-ire -- the latter of which would not have been present at that time in any case).  Concluding the text of these comments with “hahaha!” would be very close to the sense of the original.

    This statement actually seems to be a comment on the final entry (the “mini-densho” that addresses the subject of the ō-ita), rather than a conclusion to the entire book.  But, after reading Rikyū’s densho, it is apparent that not only is the language not his, but also the material was not written by Sōkei.

    This is followed by Rikyū’s signature Sōeki [宗易], and then Nambō [南坊] (as the name of the intended recipient), in the manner see in Rikyu’s densho.  A date, however, is lacking.

    Given the number of things that are questionable about this conclusion/dedication‡, it is highly unlikely that Rikyū actually wrote it -- though precisely who may have done so (if it was not Tachibana Jitsuzan) -- and for what purpose -- is something that cannot be answered.  Neither Shibayama Fugen, nor Tanaka Senshō, do any more than simply quote the text of this entry as it appeared in their respective teihon [底本]**. ___________ *If we subscribe to the fiction that Rikyū “wrote” this book.

   However, since the densho that forms the core of this book, was likely written by Jōō, and recovered from Rikyū’s trash by Sōkei, along with other random papers (including a number of entries that have been incorporated into the latter sections of this book), it is not likely that Rikyū was even aware of Sōkei’s possession of them -- if only because the chanoyu that Rikyū was practicing throughout the time when Sōkei was one of his intimates was substantially different from most of the material contained herein.

   Since the practices mostly date from Jōō’s middle period -- the period to which Imai Sōkyū and the machi-shū looked back for guidance as they attempted to scour chanoyu of every trace of Rikyū’s legacy -- they would have appealed to the machi-shū, and the heirs to their style, Sōtan and his family and disciples.  This is the reason why most of this material will strike the modern reader, who is also a follower of one of the major schools, as reasonable:  this was, ultimately, the source from which his or her chanoyu has descended.

†Though the attribution of many things in the Nampō Roku to Rikyū is questionable (particularly when they conflict with, or contradict, things that are discussed in Rikyū’s own writings), the details of these teachings are generally consistent across the whole seven books.

‡Though Nambō Sōkei’s dates of birth and death are not known, the fact that he studied with Jōō, and his eminence within the temple system, suggest that he was at least of an age with Rikyū -- and possibly even a couple of years older.  It does not seem likely -- especially in light of the actual communications between Rikyū and Sōkei that have been preserved (of which the various parties involved in doctoring these manuscripts were unaware) -- that Rikyū would have ever presumed to address Sōkei in this manner.

    This entry clearly reflects the neo-Confucian attitude of teachers to their students that prevailed in the Edo period, and so would strike a chord of authenticity in its intended audience -- chajin of the Edo period -- regardless of whether it was added by Jitsuzan, or by an earlier hand (the same who, most likely acting on behalf of the Sen family, modified a number of passages in Book One).

**Even Tachibana Jitsuzan -- who usually adds several lines of commentary and a poem to the end of each book -- seems at a loss regarding how to deal with this odd way of summing up the book.

==============================================

I. The upper sketch (for the shoza).

    The first sketch in this post shows the kōgō, and a pair of hibashi, resting on the left side of the ō-ita.  The room is what was previously described as jun-gatte [順勝手] -- meaning a room where the katte is located on the host’s left, and the guests are seated on his right.

    As discussed in the kaki-ire [書入], the hibashi should be made of bronze or sawari (a type of bronze containing a certain percent of silver), and never iron.  The kōgō is shown, in the sketch, to be an ordinary piece*.

    In this same kind of room, if the ō-ita is moved to the right side of the utensil mat, the kōgō and hibashi remain on the side of the ita closest to the katte.

    And in a gyaku-gatte [逆勝手] room -- where the katte is on the right side of the utensil mat, and the guests sit on the host’s left -- the kōgō and hibashi should be placed on the right side of the ita, the side closest to the katte.

___________ *In Rikyū’s period, lacquered kōgō seem to have been reserved for special occasions, while those made of pottery were used at ordinary gatherings.

     However, looking back to Jōō‘s period, it seems that two different systems were handed down from the master:

◦ in what seems to be the earlier of the two, the materials from which the kōgō could be made were segregated into yin (lacquerware, unpainted wood) and yang (ceramics, metalwork), and these associated with the seasons (yin kōgō were used during the yin seasons -- Autumn and Winter -- while yang kōgō were used during the yang seasons -- Spring and Summer);

◦ in the second system, which is similar to what is done now, ceramic kōgō were used during the ro season (which consisted of Winter and early Spring), while lacquered or metal kōgō were used during the furo season.

    The two systems seem to have been directly related to the kind of incense that was used:

◦ in the early days of Jōō’s chakai, crushed jin-kō [沈香] (an incense wood derived from the same trees as the much more precious kyara [伽羅], but with a much lower resin content:  when placed in a glass of water, kyara will sink to the bottom, while jin-kō will remain suspended above the bottom -- how deeply it sinks is directly related to the resin content) was drizzled along the length of the dō-zumi [胴炭], so that its fragrance would be released over the course of the gathering (as this largest piece of charcoal slowly burns);

◦ later, with the introduction of the ro, and the use of neri-kō [練り香] (an artificially compounded incense made by blending a number of aromatic compounds, according to recipes that were brought to Japan from Korea around the ninth century, which are worked into a paste using honey which is then formed into small balls, and subsequently aged for at least several months in a cool, damp place -- old works speak of sealing the balls of incense into ceramic jars, and burying the jars near the banks of streams for this aging period) during the ro season, Jōō modified the teaching so that ceramic and metal kōgō (which could be washed after use) were used during the ro season (when neri-kō was used to perfume the room:  this kind of incense must never be burned, but is gently heated by being placed on the periphery of the fire), and reserved the lacquered kōgō for those occasions when the furo was being used (with the preference shifting from jin-kō to the less expensive byakudan [白檀] -- sandalwood -- around this time).

    It should be added that none of the (foreign-made) objects used as kōgō were actually made for this purpose.  It seems that most (if not all) of them were actually produced as containers for the semi-solid red seal ink, and came to be associated with incense only in Japan.  Originally only the lacquered pieces were used as “incense containers,” while those made of pottery or metal were used as receptacles into which the burned-out pieces of incense were discarded.  In the early days, each lacquered kōgō was paired with a ceramic or metal taki-gara-ire [炷空入], usually because of their shape or pattern; and, since the pair were then considered as a unit, the ro-furo dichotomy was easily met without the need to purchase additional things.

——————————————–———-—————————————————

II. The lower sketch (for the goza).

    In the second sketch, the hishaku and futaoki are arranged on the ō-ita.  The Edo period delight in contrast is shown by placing these things on the opposite side of the furo from the utensils that were used during the sumi-temae.

    The sketch shows the arrangement in a jun-gatte room, with the ō-ita placed on the left side of the utensil mat.

    When the ō-ita is moved to the right side of the utensil mat, the hishaku and futaoki retain the same orientation, since this is based on the room, not the location of the ō-ita on the utensil mat.

    And, in a gyaku-gatte setting, the hishaku and futaoki are moved to the opposite side of the ō-ita, so that they will be on the side closest to the guests’ seats.

    Nevertheless, all of this includes a caveat (which is articulated in the kaki-ire) -- that whether to place the hishaku and futaoki on the right, or the left, is left up to the host’s discretion*.

    Curiously -- especially if we accept Rikyū’s authorship of the contents of this book -- nothing is said regarding how the ō-ita is employed during the service of tea, even though this was extremely important to Jōō from the time when he put the daisu away and left the ō-ita on the utensil mat for the duration of the chakai.

    What will seem difficult for the modern reader (and practitioner of chanoyu) to understand (and, perhaps, accept) is that the daisu was more actively involved in the process of preparing tea during Jōō’s lifetime, than it ever is today.  The chashaku, the chakin†, and the lid of the chaire were all placed on the ji-ita of the daisu at various times during the temae, and when Jōō did away with the daisu, he continued to make use of the ō-ita in precisely the same way

    In order to rectify this omission authoritatively, it seems best to include the entire text of Rikyū’s remarks, on the use of the ō-ita, here (this entry is taken from the Nambō-ate no densho [南坊宛の傳書], written in 1574):

Ō-ita no koto [大板之事].

Hidari no waki tatami no me go-me, saki kyū me ・ jū-ichi me, dai-jō to tsune-no-tatami to nari [左のわき疊の目五目、先九目 ・ 十一目、大疊と常の疊と也].

[The writing reads (from right to left) habōki ・ kōgō (羽箒・香合).‡]

Kono temae ha sumi wo tsugi-mōsu toki, habōki ni kōgō tori-sōrotte, taki-mono no mae [h]e tsugi, ato sumi-tori iri tori-komu koto [此手前ハ炭をツキ申時、羽箒ニ香合取候て、薫物 の 前 ヘツキ、後炭とり入取こむ事].

Cha no toki no temae, tsune no furo no temae ni sukoshi kawari-taru koto ari, chashaku nugui-shite ō-ita no migi-hashi ni, satte chaire no futa tori, mata sono kiwa ni oki, sono kaeri ni chashaku tori-sōrotte, tateru koto nari [茶の時の手前、常の風ろの手前ニ少かハりたる事有、茶杓ぬくいして大板の右はしに、扨茶入のふた取、又其きわにをき、其かへりニ茶杓取候て、立る事也].

Kono temae ni tsune no furo no temae ni mo aru-goto nare-domo, ō-ita ha sadamarite kayō ni tateru-goto nari [此手前ニ常の風ろの手前ニも有事なれとも、大板ハさたまりテカヤウニ立ル事也].

Chakin, furo no mae, ita no ue oki-goto nari [茶巾、風ろの前、板の上置事也].

    This means “concerning the ō-ita:  on the left side, 5-me; and in front [of the ita], 9-me ・ 11-me -- [depending on] whether it is a large mat or an ordinary-sized mat.”

    Following the sketch, Rikyū continues:  “this temae [shown in the sketch] is when charcoal will be added [to the furo].  The habōki, along with the kōgō, are taken up [and placed down on the mat] -- [this is at the beginning of the sumi-temae] before the taki-mono** is added to the furo.  Afterward [they are] put into the sumi-tori and taken back [to the katte].

    “In the case of the temae that is used when serving tea, several things become different from the ordinary furo-temae:

- after wiping the chashaku [with the fukusa], [the chashaku] is [placed] on the right side of the ō-ita;

- then [when] the lid of the chaire is taken [off], again it is placed beside [the chashaku, which is resting on the ō-ita];

- and as [the hand] returns [from setting down the lid] the chashaku is taken up,

and so tea is made.

    “With respect to [these special points of] this temae, these things may [also] be done during an ordinary furo-temae; but they must be done when [tea] is being made with the ō-ita.

    “The chakin should be placed on the [ō-]ita, in front of the furo.”

___________ *While the author of the kaki-ire allows that the goza arrangement may be reversed, this is not the case with the things used for the sumi-temae.

†According to what Kanshū oshō-sama told me, there is some disagreement over whether the chakin was left on the lid of the kama while it was open, in the gokushin-temae, or whether it was returned to the ji-ita of the daisu.  The ō-ita would, of course, take the daisu-temae as its precedent.

‡It is curious -- to say the least -- that, in the Nambō-ate no densho, Rikyū has drawn the same sketch as the first one shown in this densho (the upper sketch in Part 1 of this discussion of the ō-ita), the illustration that the kaki-ire labeled gyaku-gatte.  Rikyū makes no mention of which sort of room he was envisioning (though, since the kōgō and habōki are drawn on the right side of the furo, this would suggest that he was showing Jōō’s original version of the ō-ita arrangement -- which, of course, was done in a room that had the katte on the right).

    If, however, he was thinking of a gyaku-gatte-type setting, the only real change in the temae-sketch would be the location of the koboshi -- which would then be placed on the right side of the host’s body, as shown above.  Everything else would remain the same (including the description of how the ō-ita should be arranged on the utensil mat).

**Taki-mono [薫物] is the generic word for “incense.”

——————————————–———-—————————————————

❖ This is the end of Book Three of the Nampō Roku.

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/pluto-saturn-south-node-going-back-to-move-forward/

Pluto, Saturn, South Node: Going Back To Move Forward

Pluto, Saturn, South Node: Going Back To Move Forward

By Dana Mrkich

Saturn is going retrograde today on 20 degrees Capricorn.

Pluto went retrograde last week on 23 degrees Capricorn.

The South Node is retrograde (nodes are always retrograde) currently on 21 degrees Capricorn. 

What does this mean?

Firstly, these three planetary power-brokers are all together right now which strongly impacts their influence on each other. This combined influence has a stronger than usual impact on us (personally and collectively) than any one of these planets/points would have on their own.  On their own they can and do trigger major life events and shifts in perspective. Together, they are likely to trigger massive turning points that offer collapse and stability all at once, quantum leaps that feel destined, end of one life/beginning of another life type situations, and huge healing moments when it comes to finally understanding what’s been holding you back – and letting go of it once and for all!. Halleluljah!

Not only are they together, but as of this week they are ALL moving in the same direction – retrograde – until mid-September when Saturn starts moving forward again.

(Note: technically speaking retrograde doesn’t mean any planet is literally moving backwards. They only appear to be, just like when you drive faster than the car next to you and from your perspective it looks like the car next to you is going backwards in that moment. Even though the planets don’t actually move backwards, the occasional appearance that they are is known as “retrograde phase”. Retrograde periods mean that each particular planet has a slightly different affect on us than when it is in “direct” phase.) 

We also have Jupiter Retrograde at 23 Sagittarius. So he isn’t in the exact same space as the other trio, but it’s safe to say he’s there via video-conference call adding his expansion-loving, abundance-focused, adventure-seeking mojo.

Retrograding planets love introspection. They love putting the microscope on things. Been avoiding a certain life area or situation? Been neglecting a big part of your self? Have you been trying to make things happen but they just haven’t worked out due to unresolved old patterns? A retrograding planet will shine the torch on those things, helping you to see issues, and solutions, more clearly. If you’re paying attention to inner and outer nudges, retrograde phases can feel like deep dives into whatever needs exploring, expanding, healing and shifting. If you are trying to plough on, business as usual, ignoring signs that something needs to change, well, you’re still going to be sent on a deep dive in one way or other only you might experience it like “Why is it so dark in here? Why is this space so tight? Why can’t I be back on the boat on the surface?” Enjoy the deep dive for what it is: a seek and find treasure hunt, a soul search and rescue period. You’ll get back to the surface eventually, and when you do, you’ll be all the richer for it, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and yes, even financially. 

So how’s this all going to play out?

We all have 20-23 Capricorn somewhere in our natal chart. So a good place to start is go to www.astro.com and see where that is for you. It will be in one of your 12 houses. The house that these degrees are in, will give you a heads up as to which area of your life is most due for deep diving right now.  Also check out if you have any natal planets on those degrees because if you do, Pluto, Saturn and the South Node will have an extra big affect on you.

Saturn represents: the Father – your biological father or anyone in your life that had the role of father, it includes your inner father, your inner parent voice. How did your father affect you? Is there healing to be done? Or unfinished business? Are you still carrying old wounds or old words around via your inner parent/inner father voice? Sometimes we grow up, live our own lives, but we still continue to carry these old wounds or old words with us as if our critical parent is right there on our shoulder. Do you talk to yourself like your father did? Are you becoming your father? For some of you this might be a good thing.  For others, it’s time to say enough. Saturn can be about us stepping into our own healthy inner (or outer) father role. Being the father that we never had but needed. Being our own protector and provider, or stepping up and being that for others. Creating the healthy role model we so wanted.

Saturn also represents people in positions of authority, governments, lawyers, the legal process. Rules and regulations. Contracts. If this is something that’s around you right now, know that certain t’s have to be crossed and i’s dotted. Rather than looking at it like someone has authority over you, ask yourself: How is this on some level helping me, protecting me, setting me up for more stability and security (in the long-term), or teaching me something? 

Saturn is about growing up, being an adult and putting on your big girl or big boy boots. Owning and claiming your inner authority, as well as outer authority and sovereignty over your own life. 

It represents duties and responsibilities, as well as restrictions, limitations and discipline (in an, “for your own good, to protect you/serve you later down the track” kind of way, although it often doesn’t feel like that at the time). While Jupiter is over there waving the rewarding carrot in freedom loving Sagittarius, Saturn in Boss Capricorn wants to make sure you are ready for it and get there in a solid honest way. We’ve all heard about the people who win millions in the lottery only to have lost it all just a few short years later right? Well not on Saturn’s watch. Saturn asks: Have you cleared your inner worth issues before I hand you this? Have you done your homework? Have you studied hard and passed your exams before I can give you this degree? (Or if not, if you’ve been, let’s say, part of a college admissions scandal, Saturn will shake his head sternly and say no you can’t do that anymore.) Saturn asks Have you eaten your vegies before I give you dessert? Do you know how to drive safely before I hand you the keys to this high-powered sports car?  If you have a business and want it to be more financially fruitful, Saturn wants to know: what systems do you have in place? What are you doing on a day to day, week to week, scheduled, routined way to get where you want to go? Saturn can seem like a real party pooper, but he really has your best interests at heart and is all about the long-term as opposed to short-term gratification.

Saturn also represents karma, time and timing. There’s no getting past the red light once Saturn has it on which can feel mega frustrating if you don’t realise what’s happening. But, he’ll turn it onto green once he sees you are good and ready. So buckle up, read your manual, prepare your foundations, do your homework, trade dodgy shortcuts for a slow and steady wins the race approach. It’s not true that things can’t happen during a retrograde phase. Absolutely they can. ONCE you’ve done any necessary reviewing, repairing, renovating etc.

Pluto represents: Transformation, Death, Rebirth. Pluto is the Tower card in the Tarot – it’s the ending and collapse of the old, so that new life and energy can rise from the ashes.  During a major Pluto transit you can go through a major identity overhaul, or identity breakdown wondering who even am I anymore? This eventually leads to an identity breakthrough as the next, newer, better version of yourself comes through. 

Pluto represents your shadow. What part of yourself have you been avoiding or neglecting? What part of yourself do you project onto others?

Pluto is about power. Do you own your power in a healthy way? Do you shy away from your power or hand it over to others? Do you abuse your power or take it from others in any way? Do you have negative associations with the word power, and need to re-define it in healthier terms? 

Right this minute, what words or images do you associate with Power?

If your words and images need an upgrade to something more positive replace them now or make a note to journal about it, draw it out or even do a Healthy Power vision board!

On a collective level we are in the throes of a massive shift when it comes to who we’ve given our power to, what they’ve done with that power, who has had authority over us, who we’ve deemed as a voice of authority, and what has been hidden in the shadows that the majority of humanity have not known about.

The “Power Pyramid” is being dismantled brick by brick, bottom bricks first (lower power players), then going to medium before eventually reaching the top. So we’ve been seeing revelations of sexual abuse of power in Hollywood mainly in relation to women, and now slowly we’re starting to see well known public figures being exposed in relation to the sexual abuse and trafficking of children. The more that the bottom of the iceberg melts, the more that there will be less and less to hold the rest up. 

The South Node represents: what is familiar and a comfort-zone, however it isn’t necessarily a huge area of growth for us if we were to just stay there our whole life. Some people say that our North Node represents what we are here to move toward, while our South Node is what we have to let go of, which isn’t entirely true. It’s taken me a long time to really understand the Nodes (and I’m sure there is plenty to yet understand), because I think it’s not until you really live out their lesson over and over again that you start to get what they’re here to teach us. A more accurate description of the Nodes is: We’re here to live an integrated, balanced life embodying the best of both our North and South Nodes. Life will let you relax into your easeful South Node, once you’ve taken the time to really own your North Node. But even then, the South Node won’t let you just be in South Node mode all the time. It wouldn’t truly fulfill you on a soul level. For example:

If your North Node is in the 10th house of Career, and your South Node is Home and Family, your comfort zone is the latter but life will keep pushing you to follow your own work-related ambitions whether out of necessity or a nagging inner drive. This doesn’t mean you have to abandon your home and family or live without them. It means that life isn’t set up to let you be immersed in them full time. Either circumstances won’t allow it, or you will feel like something is missing if your life is solely about that. The more you follow your career goals or get out there in the world, the more fulfilling, easeful and healthy your home and family life will be.  

So we can look at the North and South Nodes as a see-saw. One side is very developed, so the other side needs extra attention so that you can achieve a healthy balance. Some people crave their North Node, while others have to really be pushed into it.

What does it mean then for the South Node to currently be meeting with Pluto and Saturn? Astrologers associate the South Node with the past – be it past lives, or ancestral patterns. With it aspecting Pluto and Saturn so closely, when it comes to our transformation, rebirth and ‘firming up our foundations’ processes, for a lot of people this may involve “going back to move forward”. 

For example: old family patterns or issues coming up so that you can deal with them, shift them, move on from them; finding out things about your family line, family history or personal history that helps you to understand things that never made sense, and that can now help you to move forward in a new way; having certain situations come full circle; karmic endings and new beginnings; going through old papers/photo albums/diaries, sifting, sorting, letting go.

The North Node is directly opposite Pluto and Saturn this year so you might find yourself being catapulted out of your comfort zone into things that feel very destined and exciting even if you’re also feeling “How am I going to do this?!!”

Balance will be a huge theme during this period. If you keep getting setbacks at work, is your home and family life needing more attention? If you are all about taking care of others and regularly feel drained, it’s time to make sure you are attending to your self – making time for self-care, and asserting your needs.  If you are big on planning and routine, you may be experiencing huge signs that it’s time to trust and surrender to the flow that is wanting to perhaps take you to other destinations, in other ways. 

May – June – July – August: These are all big months thanks to all of the above. You may find yourself in a very different place at the end of this time than you were at the start. This is an excellent time to do any sort of self-overhaul project: Commit to a workout plan, take on a challenge of journalling or meditating every day for 100 days, declutter or re-organise your home, make a new vision board and get your family to do one each with you.

Can you feel the winds of change in the air?

Has this Saturn/Pluto/South Node conjunction started to affect your life already? How?

*****

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[allyinthekeyofx]

Fading Light -part 2- 1/6

Summary - As Scully gets sicker, Mulder’s faith begins to wane.

Part one (Chapters 1-6 here)

PART TWO

CHAPTER ONE

.

The nosebleed when it came, was an unwelcome shock and for the first time, I was forced to acknowledge, really acknowledge that I’ve been a fool.

That I’ve been lied to.

So desperate was I on hearing that Scully’s cancer was back that I didn’t once stop to think that he would lie to me. I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it. That after all these years of him wanting to own me, that his intentions would be anything but disingenuous was a scant hope at best but nonetheless it has been a hope I have clung on to.

But today that hope has been shattered into pieces and scattered like fallen leaves around me.

It’s almost three months since that morning where my partner was felled by that single bullet, a bullet that damaged far more than simple flesh and bone as it paved the way for a truth to be heard that she had desperately tried to hide from me for weeks and weeks. Even now, months later, the hurt is still there, burning inside me, corroding me even as I try to reconcile it. But knowing the reasons why she didn’t tell me doesn’t make the fact that she didn’t any easier to bear.

And I know she feels it too.

But we don’t talk about it. To keep dragging it to the fore is just too painful for both of us and, if I’m honest, wholly unfair on Scully as she tries once again to battle the demon that has taken up residence inside her. A demon that will continue to overwhelm her even as she fights against it with every ounce of spirit she has in that compact little body of hers.

She has good days and bad days. And in the beginning, the good days outweighed the bad by about two to one. Her headaches, although painful and debilitating, could be kept controlled with non opiate pills. Providing she kept up a pain management regime, for the most part, she did okay and when the pain got bad she stuck her chin out with the resolute stubbornness I know so well and despite everything, she carried on. She looked the same to me as she always had. A little thinner maybe as the pain medication suppressed her appetite for certain foods and made her stomach hurt, but for the most part she remained the same. No chemo means no sickness means no drastic weight loss. It also means of course that I am losing her. That day by day, she is slipping a little further away from me.

Her Mother has tried everything to persuade her daughter to start treatment again. And I think she still believes that it was the treatment that saved her the last time around. But Scully has resolutely refused to be swayed and on the surface at least, has remained hardened to Maggie’s frequent tearful and occasionally, accusatory outbursts. But on more than one occasion I have had to hold Scully in my arms to prevent her from sinking to the ground after her Mom has taken leave of the apartment, slamming the door behind her in impotent anger that her only daughter seemingly doesn’t care enough to even try to help herself.

It’s the only time she really allows herself to cry. Or at least it’s the only time she allows me to see it. The knowledge of what her decisions are doing to the woman she loves and respects so much continue to break her a little more every time one of the conversations takes place. And I know she despises herself for it.

She also refuses steadfastly to see her brothers.

And the most selfish part of me is relieved that I don’t have to face them again. To be held in contempt for my part in all this is something I’m not entirely sure either Scully or I could cope with right now. Our hurt is big enough without it being added to by virtual strangers who are happy to stand in judgement over decisions and events they are neither willing nor open enough to understand.

Maybe when this is all over, when Scully is gone, they might seek to understand. Understand a chain of events that started so many years ago when this extraordinary woman walked in to my office and took over my life.

Agent Mulder? Dana Scully; I’ve been assigned to work with you…

So young back then. So vibrant. So damn trusting. Not yet tainted by her association with me, with everything she has lost along the way.

But I’ve tried not to think about how things were in the beginning, tried not to wish myself back seven years ago so I could turn her around and march her straight out of that office and back to the safety of Quantico. Away from me; away from this quest of mine that, over time crept up on her insidiously to also make it hers. She didn’t deserve it. She’s never deserved it. But she took it. She chose to stay and I have to respect that it was her choice to make.

So instead, I’ve pushed it to the back of my mind and tried desperately to focus only on what we have now rather than what has been taken from us and what else will soon be taken.

I no longer believe that the chip in my neck is anything more than a cruel deception by a sick man.

And I certainly don’t believe that he ever had intention of saving Scully.

A sick fucking joke taken at our expense; a final act of betrayal from a man who trades in lies.

Today is Scully’s Birthday. A day where she had insisted no fuss be made. She’s done the final Birthday crap before and made it abundantly clear that she has no wish to repeat the experience. Because as much as I try to deny it to myself, I know that she will not be around next year. And that she knows it too.

But despite that, I couldn’t let the day pass by totally unacknowledged and even though I guess you could say we have been a couple for several months now, the giving of elaborate gifts and platitudes are not really our style. I’m also painfully reminded that I too was guilty of participating in the illusion last time around, that everything was just fine. My partner’s Birthday. Dinner and a gift. Which was all great had I bothered to acknowledge it in previous years.

And although she had playfully teased me about it at the time, I know that she knew damn well that it was my way of starting to say goodbye.

I was determined not to fall in to that same trap so this year I kept everything very low key. No sparklers, no gift, no fanfare.

Instead I took her to feed the swans in Rivergate Park. And then we walked through the frosted leaves, hands clasped tightly together, not speaking much, knowing that there was nothing really to say. No declaration of love from this woman could ever make her mean more to me that she already does and I know she feels the same. I see it in her eyes, feel it in her touch, the way she clutches at me when we make love. It’s in the way she says my name; the way she presses herself against me when it rains and we only have one umbrella. It’s in the way she asks the pizza place to only sprinkle mushrooms on her half and the way she laughs at me when I get stringy cheese caught on my chin.

She loves me in ways I didn’t think were possible.

And that’s why I took her to feed the swans. Because we no longer need affirmation of what we are to each other; material gifts are meaningless now.

We walked for a long time, along the beautiful rustling path that circumnavigates the lake, pausing sometimes to rest, exchanging soft touches, feather-light kisses under the canopy of winter green foliage that makes the perfect foil for Scully’s delicate colouring. Her leg still bothers her a little although she can now walk normally and bear weight without grimacing. I was amazed how quickly she recovered given the circumstances and the irony wasn’t lost on either of us when her Orthopaedic surgeon signed her off with an assurance her leg was as good as new. That it would give her years of stellar service.

I had wanted to punch a fist-sized hole in the wall beside his head but Scully had simply bestowed him with a dazzling smile, shook his hand and thanked him for everything he had done. Until later in the car she had turned her face away from me in an attempt to hide the single tear that escaped to form a tiny rivulet down her beautiful skin. I had watched it hang, suspended for the merest moment before it fell onto the collar of her shirt. And right then, I had wanted to scream at the fucking injustice of it all.

Why her? Why her and not me?

It’s a question that haunts me. It’s the reason I did what I did. The reason I allowed that black-lunged sick bastard to finally get what he wanted. The reason I allowed myself to believe.

But that belief is waning. With each passing day as I watch my beautiful partner fade just a tiny bit more, watch her trying to hide her headache behind a troubled smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, watch as it’s becoming obvious that the bad days are starting to outweigh the good.

And today, as I heard her gasp, watched her hands fly to her face in an attempt to stem the sudden rush of blood that literally poured from her nose, drenching her in a frightening sea of crimson that dripped unchecked on to the crisp, dead leaves beneath our feet, I stopped believing altogether.

My belief was ripped away from me even as I caught her in my arms and screamed out to someone, anyone, to call 911, feeling the warmth of her blood, her life-force, soaking into my thick fleece shirt as I ran with her back to the small car park where, by the time I got there, I was unable to breathe through the fear and exertion and yet still I clung on to her as the waiting paramedics tried to prise her from my arms.

So much blood.

So much fucking blood I truly thought she was dead.

And now as I sit outside her room in the ICU, banished to the corridor while the doctors do their work I begin to cry. Wracking sobs that tear at my chest and threaten to break me in two. I am holding on to her cross that the doctors insisted was removed lest she require CPR and I twist it around my fingers in much the same way Scully twisted that piece of cotton around her finger three months ago when I sought answers from her. She should be wearing it. It’s not right that they took it from her. I will return it to her later. And I hang on to that thought because it’s all I have.

Happy Birthday Scully.

Continued chapter 2

[thecollegefootballguy]

The Real Champions: Some Final Thoughts and Analysis

Hey everybody, I want to thank those of you who took the time to read my series “The Real Champions” which set out to decide which teams actually deserved to claim national championships every year from 1900 to 2015. This was definitely one of my longest projects, certainly in the top two with the Realignment Rivalry Graveyard Countdown. Now that it’s over there’s a lot of information to parse through so I’m going to try to make a (relatively) condensed analysis of everything and find a few takeaways here and there.

This is the final part of a long series I’ve been writing, I would strongly suggest getting familiar with at least the rules that I’ve used to govern this project before beginning, and if you wanna start reading my decade by decade analysis you can start in the 2010′s or the 1900′s. 

Before we start I want to announce two changes have been made to the list of champions. The first is because I started this project before the 2016 season began so it didn’t initially take into account Clemson’s championship. Second: I want to amend the 1978 season. At first I had only awarded Oklahoma a championship over Alabama and USC, but now I want to move the Trojans into a co-championship situation with the Sooners. I still won’t award the Tide a title since they got smoked by SC early in the season.

Now, on to the analysis!

-

The Raw Data

Here is the full list of every team I awarded a championship and for which seasons:

Alabama: 14 (1925, 1926, 1930, 1934, 1961, 1965, 1966, 1975, 1979, 1992, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2015)

Arkansas: 1 (1964)

Army: 5 (1914, 1916, 1944, 1945, 1946)

Auburn: 3 (1957, 1983, 2010)

California: 4 (1920, 1921, 1922, 1937)

Chicago: 2 (1905, 1913)

Clemson: 2 (1981, 2016)

Colgate: 1 (1932)

Cornell: 4 (1915, 1921, 1922, 1939)

Florida: 3 (1995, 2006, 2008)

Florida State: 3 (1993, 1999, 2013)

Georgia: 2 (1942, 1980)

Georgia Tech: 4 (1917, 1928, 1952, 1990)

Harvard: 4 (1901, 1908, 1912, 1913)

Illinois: 3 (1914, 1923, 1927)

LSU: 3 (1958, 2003, 2007)

Maryland: 1 (1951)

Miami: 5 (1983, 1987, 1989, 1991, 2001)

Michigan: 10 (1901, 1902, 1903, 1904, 1923, 1932, 1933, 1947, 1948, 1997)

Michigan State: 3 (1951, 1952, 1966)

Minnesota: 7 (1903, 1904, 1934, 1935, 1936, 1940, 1941)

Nebraska: 5 (1970, 1971, 1994, 1995, 1997)

Notre Dame: 13 (1924, 1929, 1930, 1943, 1946, 1947, 1949, 1953, 1966, 1973, 1977, 1988, 1993)

Ohio State: 5 (1942, 1954, 1968, 2002, 2014)

Oklahoma: 10 (1949, 1954, 1955, 1956, 1967, 1974, 1975, 1978, 1985, 2000)

Ole Miss: 3 (1959, 1960, 1962)

Penn State: 5 (1911, 1969, 1982, 1986, 1994)

Pennsylvania: 2 (1904, 1908)

Pittsburgh: 6 (1910, 1915, 1916, 1917, 1937, 1976)

Princeton: 3 (1906, 1922, 1933)

SMU: 1 (1982)

Stanford: 2 (1926, 1940)

Syracuse: 1 (1959)

Tennessee: 3 (1938, 1950, 1998)

TCU: 1 (1938)

Texas: 3 (1963, 1969, 2005)

Texas A&M: 3 (1919, 1927, 1939)

UCLA: 1 (1954)

USC: 8 (1931, 1932, 1962, 1967, 1972, 1978, 2003, 2004)

Washington: 2 (1984, 1991)

Washington & Jefferson: 1 (1921)

Yale: 5 (1900, 1905, 1906, 1907, 1909)

There we have it. Every national championship from 1900 to 2016 based on the criteria I used to judge who was most worthy. Now clearly these titles don’t feel equally relevant anymore. Scrolling down to see Chicago’s two national championships and then Clemson’s doesn’t mean both teams have equal standing in the modern game. I’ll break down each of the champions by categories that roughly put them among peers.

-

The Breakdown of the Champions

The All-Time Best Programs in College Football

There are modern day powers, the blue bloods of the sport, and then there are absolute best. These few programs have set themselves apart more than any other in the sport and are probably what immediately comes to mind when you think of college football’s very best teams.

Alabama Crimson Tide: 14 national championships (1925, 1926, 1930, 1934, 1961, 1965, 1966, 1975, 1979, 1992, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2015)

Alabama has been the most successful winner in the entire sport since the South became relevant in the game starting in the 1920′s. The Crimson Tide rode an initial wave of success under Wallace Wade and Frank Thomas in the 1920′s and 1930′s to mark themselves as the best team in the South. Bear Bryant’s record setting pace in the 1960′s and 70′s put them among the best of the best. Just for added measure, Nick Saban’s current dynasty has pushed Bama past Notre Dame as the top program based on championship numbers.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish: 13 (1924, 1929, 1930, 1943, 1946, 1947, 1949, 1953, 1966, 1973, 1977, 1988, 1993)

Perhaps the most classic name associated with college football. Notre Dame was the most successful program in the 20th Century. The Fighting Irish burst on to the scene with Knute Rockne in the 1920′s. Frank Leahy guided the Irish to their greatest success in the 1940′s. Ara Parseghian, Dan Devine, and Lou Holtz join the ranks as the head men who made sure that ND won national championships in every decade from the 1920′s to the 1990′s, easily the longest run any team has had.

Oklahoma Sooners: 10 (1949, 1954, 1955, 1956, 1967, 1974, 1975, 1978, 1985, 2000)

Oklahoma dominated the last half of the 20th Century more than any other school. The Sooners spotted their fellow all-timers about 20 years then raced out to a similar pace. Bud Wilkinson’s big run through the 50′s and Barry Switzer’s tenure in the 70′s and 80′s provided OU with most of their championships.

USC Trojans: 8 (1931, 1932, 1962, 1967, 1972, 1978, 2003, 2004)

I have trouble placing USC. They are a cut above the other blue blood programs in terms of championships, but they have nearly half as many titles as Alabama, the highest of the all-timers, so they feel somewhat out of place there as well. You could put them in either category, but I’m choosing to put them with the all-timers based on their three periods of huge success that matches up with the other schools on here. Howard Jones in the 30′s, John McKay and John Robinson in the 60′s and 70′s, as well as Pete Carroll in the 2000′s ran out of the tunnel with some of the best teams football has ever witnessed.

Michigan

I have to create a special category for Michigan. They do and do not fall into several of the categories I already made and stand apart somewhat.

Michigan Wolverines: 10 (1901, 1902, 1903, 1904, 1923, 1932, 1933, 1947, 1948, 1997)

By number of championships, Michigan belongs in the All-Time Best conversation, however they’ve only won a single title since 1950 which absolutely DOES NOT put them in similar company as Alabama, Notre Dame, Oklahoma, and USC, who’ve won 31 in the same time frame. Their championship profile resembles a Pittsburgh, Minnesota, or other diminished former powers that have waned in importance. But unlike the Panthers or Gophers, the Wolverines are the definition of a blue blood program. UM is #1 in all-time wins and in win percentage and they’ve had success throughout the entire modern history of the sport. Michigan has the wins and the dominance of an Alabama or Notre Dame, they just could never win the right games to get them a championship ever since they truly fell off the pace in the 1940′s. The Wolverines exist separately from these of the other programs so I’ll give them this special area.

True Blue Bloods

The Blue Bloods are the teams with success both past and present. They’re what we consider traditional powers in the sport of college football. Make no mistake, even though I set a few above them, these are the tier 1 schools just the same.

Ohio State Buckeyes: 5 (1942, 1954, 1968, 2002, 2014)

The definition of a blue blood program, Ohio State has been a consistent winner for decades. The Buckeyes are the most successful modern Big Ten team since Michigan and Minnesota stopped regularly winning championships in the 1940′s.

Nebraska Cornhuskers: 5 (1970, 1971, 1994, 1995, 1997)

Depending on which dates you actually use, Nebraska is the winningest program of the last 60 or so years. The Cornhuskers had stretches of success before the 1960′s, but the arrival of Bob Devaney put them on top. The program prospered further under Devaney’s successor Tom Osborne. From the 60′s until about 2000, Nebraska was easily one of the best teams in the country. They did well for themselves in winning five championships, but they had close calls seemingly every year, and it feels like they could have won 15 if the breaks had gone their way.

Penn State: 5 (1911, 1969, 1982, 1986, 1994)

The Nittany Lions were also one of the most successful programs in the last 50 years under Joe Paterno. Penn State was a big winner in my own system, but in reality they only claim two championships in their long history though they deserved at least four. I’m sure some of you will think that there’s some kind of retroactive karmic justice to that. I won’t dispute it.

Texas Longhorns: 3 (1963, 1969, 2005)

They don’t have as many championships as a USC or an Ohio State, but boy don’t they act like it? I don’t want to take away anything from Texas’ great stints in the 40′s, the 60′s and 70′s, and the 2000′s under Dana Bible, Darrell Royal, and Mack Brown respectively. Those Longhorns teams were world beaters. Overall, UT was a dominant force that has more or less Michigan-ed things because they’ve been about as good as the rest of these teams in the Blue Bloods category, they just won a few fewer championships.

Tennessee Volunteers: 3 (1938, 1950, 1998)

Alright, Tennessee sorta doesn’t fit here. They have a low number of championships and don’t have the super high win percentage and dominance that Texas can fall back on. Yet, the Volunteers stand out from those in the next tier by virtue of long periods of success, particularly under Robert Neyland, Johnny Majors, and Phillip Fulmer. Also, I think I took at least two championships from them that they would otherwise claim to bolster their case. They can be a blue blood, but they’re on the fringe compared to the others.

Modern Powerhouses

 These teams may have a checkered past, but their recent success has been undeniable. Modern powerhouses act like blue blood programs, though usually they only starting winning national championships in the past 20 or 30 years, separating them from the much longer history of the traditional powers. You’ll notice a certain pattern with these schools if you look close enough. 

Miami Hurricanes: 5 (1983, 1987, 1989, 1991, 2001)

Before 1983, Miami was a small time program that had never distinguished itself in college football. Howard Schnellenberger, Jimmy Johnson, and Dennis Erickson built the Hurricanes into the most successful modern college football program this side of Tuscaloosa. The U as it came to be known dominated the game in the 80′s and the early 90′s. A shorter period of success in the late 90′s and early 2000′s added the most recent championship to Miami’s display cases. Unfortunately, the Canes haven’t seen their dominance sustain itself in the past decade, but their incredible run has made them a virtual overnight success in the longer gaze of football history.

Florida State: 3 (1993, 1999, 2013)

Bobby Bowden built Florida State into one of the most consistently dominating teams in the last quarter of the 20th Century. FSU was in the championship hunt every year for nearly 15 years. That they only won two championships in his tenure is somewhat remarkable in and of itself, they certainly left many on the table. The Seminoles have seen their success return under Jimbo Fisher, and are a great example of the modern football powerhouse.

Florida Gators: 3 (1995, 2006, 2008)

The Sunshine State has led the charge in college football since the 1980′s. Steve Spurrier built up the Florida Gators to a similar success that their rivals FSU and Miami saw in the 90′s. In his short tenure, Urban Meyer won two titles in three seasons to elevate Florida to the level of their in-state peers.

Regional Powers

Regional Powers are interesting programs. They are always relevant in their conference and when they’re playing at their peak they act like blue blood programs. They just haven’t seen as much success as their well-heeled brethren, though they can find their place in the sun if they work for it.

Auburn Tigers: 3 (1957, 1983, 2010)

They certainly have played second fiddle to arch-rival Alabama for most of their history, but Auburn is usually a good program and occasionally a great one. When the right man uses the right system, the Tigers can strike out and out-compete anybody, including the hated Crimson Tide.

LSU Tigers: 3 (1958, 2003, 2007)

LSU’s history has featured more ups and downs than many power programs. The Tigers had a period of success in the 1950′s and 60′s, but were unremarkable for a long time until Nick Saban revived the program and Les Miles carried the water for a good decade. Currently LSU is regarded as one of the best teams in the best conference and it’s hoped that they can keep things that way.

Michigan State Spartans: 3 (1951, 1952, 1966)

For a good two decades, Michigan State was a powerhouse in the Big Ten. The Spartans thrived under Biggie Munn and his successor Duffy Daugherty. They occasionally rise out of mediocrity to become a national contender for some years. Very recently under Mark Dantonio, MSU threatened to break through and start claiming national championships once again.

Texas A&M Aggies: 3 (1919, 1927, 1939)

Texas A&M has had an interesting history. The Aggies are consistently good, and as a result have very high standards for a team that hasn’t won a national championship since the 1930′s. They are a solid performer that has success very frequently, but they have trouble getting over the hump and actually winning titles.

Clemson Tigers: 2 (1981, 2016)

The most recent champs have just doubled their overall title count. Clemson had long streaks of success under Frank Howard and Danny Ford, and Dabo Swinney has started the ball rolling once more. They were the traditional power in the ACC until Florida State joined the conference, but currently both programs are competing at a very high level and are leading the league.

Washington Huskies: 2 (1984, 1991)

Under Don James, the Washington Huskies finally broke through and won a poll national title in 1991. But to say that Washington only had a peak in the last 80′s and early 90′s ignores their status as the far and away most successful program in the Pacific Northwest.

Georgia Bulldogs: 2 (1942, 1980)

Georgia is usually one of the solid programs in the SEC, but they rarely have achieved the heights of a national championship contender. Still, they are a quality program and a huge presence in that region of the country.

Arkansas Razorbacks: 1 (1964)

There was the high water mark under Frank Broyles that won the Razorbacks their only national championship. While Arkansas is usually a strong team, they just usually aren’t the very best.

UCLA Bruins: 1 (1954)

The Auburn to USC’s Alabama, so to speak. UCLA is almost always a competitive program, but they’ve been unable to leverage success in a talent-laden region for any long period of time because their next-door neighbor does it so much better.

Fallen Powers

In a certain age, these programs were college football royalty, with as much clout and name recognition as a Michigan or a Notre Dame. Sustaining success is difficult, especially for schools that are somewhat more demographically challenged or restricted by other means. These are the teams that used to be among the very best, but they’ve been unable to keep it up.

Minnesota Golden Gophers: (1903, 1904, 1934, 1935, 1936, 1940, 1941)

One of the most successful college football programs in the first half of the 20th Century. Minnesota had multiple football dynasties and a tradition of victory, but recruiting out to Minneapolis has always proved a challenge. The Golden Gophers haven’t seen any kind of real relevance since the 1960′s and it seems very unlikely that they’ll be able to reclaim their former glory.

Pittsburgh Panthers: 6 (1910, 1915, 1916, 1917, 1937, 1976)

Pitt was a dominant force in college football in the era of Pop Warner and Jock Sutherland from the 1910′s to the 1930′s. They slid into irrelevance until Johnny Majors revived the tradition of winning in the 1970′s. There was a time when Western Pennsylvania was considered the #1 recruiting hotbed in the country, but that hasn’t been the case in a while. The Panthers haven’t seen any kind of national prominence since the 80′s.

Army Black Knights: 5 (1914, 1916, 1944, 1945, 1946)

I guess if we have another kind of full-scale war that would allow Army to take the best players across the nation and put them on the team the Black Knights could conceivably win championships again. Outside of that horrible possibility it doesn’t seem likely that Army can regularly be a good team, let alone a great one, in this day and age. The demands of being a full time college athlete and a full time officer in the US military makes it nigh impossible for someone to do both. But let’s acknowledge Army’s stellar period of dominance in the 1910′s and especially in the 1940′s.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets: 4 (1917, 1928, 1952, 1990)

Georgia Tech was one of the very solid programs in college football for much of the early 1900′s. From John Heisman to William Alexander to Bobby Dodd the Yellow Jackets occasionally challenged for and won national championships. However, GA Tech hasn’t been nearly as successful since the 1960′s. Bobby Ross’ 1990 squad seemed to catch lightning in a bottle for one season, but for the most part it seems as though Georgia Tech has trouble maintaining a team that’s competitive at the highest level. Especially when they’re surrounded by so many other successful Southeastern schools with administrations that are more willing to take on players with more modest academic achievements.

California Golden Bears: 4 (1920, 1921, 1922, 1937)

Andy Smith’s 1920-23 dynasty was the first nationally competitive team to emerge from the West Coast. Building off that, the Cal Bears were one of the best teams in the PCC until the 1950′s. Ever since, and for not too obvious of reasons, Cal hasn’t been able to field nationally competitive teams outside of having Aaron Rodgers under center.

Illinois Fighting Illini: 3 (1914, 1923, 1927)

Illinois was a Big Ten power in its own right for a couple of decades around the 1920′s. The teams of Red Grange and Bob Zuppke regularly competed for and claimed championships. However, the Illini were just unable to keep pace with schools like Michigan and Ohio State. Like Minnesota, they were slowly edged out of national relevance as the Wolverines and Buckeyes came to increasingly dominate the league.

Been to the Mountaintop

These are programs that have won national championships but haven’t had too much time in the spotlight otherwise. Some of them have a long list of great moments, but something keeps them from breaking into the higher levels of the college football universe.

Ole Miss Rebels: 3 (1959, 1960, 1962)

Outside of an incredible run under Johnny Vaught, Ole Miss has been a rather unremarkable program for most of its existence.

Stanford Cardinal: 2 (1926, 1940)

Every once in a while, Stanford is good, and sometimes even great. But the Cardinal have had trouble being successful for long periods of time.

SMU Mustangs: 1 (1982)

SMU had some high points in the 1930′s and the 1980′s, but as a small private school in the middle of much larger company, it’s difficult for the Mustangs to build real success. The last time they were good was because they paid players to attend.

Syracuse Orange: 1 (1959)

Another demographically challenged school, Syracuse has had some good runs in the past, but they haven’t been great in a long while.

Maryland Terrapins: 1 (1951)

They’ve had more success than almost all of the old-school ACC programs, but that doesn’t say much. Maryland had a flash of brilliance under Jim Tatum in the 50′s, but otherwise they’ve had trouble not being mediocre.

TCU Horned Frogs: 1 (1938)

A more successful iteration of SMU, TCU had runs of success in the 30′s and they’re currently in the middle of one today.

Myths and Legends

The ancient ones, those who won in college football’s hazy early days but don’t play at the highest level any longer. All of them are smaller private schools that either don’t have the resources, can’t stand the sausage-making to be good at modern college football, or both.

Yale Bulldogs: (1900, 1905, 1906, 1907, 1909)

They started out the 1900′s very strong. In terms of total national championships, Yale is still one of the most decorated programs ever.

Cornell Big Red: 4 (1915, 1921, 1922, 1939)

The last of the nationally successful Ivy League schools. Cornell won championships into the 1930′s but they still had to bow out as the game changed around them.

Harvard Crimson: 4 (1901, 1908, 1912, 1913)

Another name that screams old-time college football. Harvard was a national power for decades until they slowly faded from relevance starting in the 1910′s.

Princeton Tigers: 3 (1906, 1922, 1933)

By some measures you could still claim that Princeton is the most successful college football program of all time, they’ve been awarded championships for 28 different seasons by various selectors. Though obviously nearly all of this success came in the very early days of the sport.

Chicago Maroons: 2 (1905, 1913)

One of the early powers outside of the Northeast, Amos Alonzo Stagg’s Chicago Maroons regularly competed with Michigan for supremacy of the Big Ten. Due to their small size, they struggled to compete with the much larger state institutions and eventually bowed out of the league. They are now a D-III program.

Penn Quakers: 2 (1904, 1908)

Slightly less successful than some of the other Ivy League programs, Penn still had their moments of glory.

Colgate Red Raiders: 1 (1932)

Colgate had an amazing season in 1932 but otherwise haven’t made much of a mark on major college football.

Washington & Jefferson Presidents: 1 (1921)

Probably the smallest and most unassuming schools to win a national championship. A great trivia answer.

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Geographic Shifts

One of the things that comes pretty obvious if you’ve tracked this project is that the center of the college football universe has shifted throughout the sport’s history. Obviously the South is currently dominates college football, but it wasn’t always this way. The geographic center of the game has moved a couple of times since the 1869. 

The Northeast was the original seat of college football power. Before 1901, no team outside of that region EVER claimed a national championship. The Northeast was still a very important arena in the sport for the first half of the 20th Century. From 1900 to 1919, schools in the Northeast claimed 22 national titles compared to 11 for the entire rest of the country, two thirds of the total championships won in that time span. It was mostly thanks to the Ivy League, Pittsburgh, and Army. From 1900 to 1946, the end of Army’s dynasty, the Northeast claimed 31 of the 76 total football titles I’ve assigned, a bit over 40% of the total. However, they haven’t been nearly as successful since. Only six or seven championships have been awarded to schools in the Northeast region since 1946 depending on if you count Maryland as a Northeast team, with four going to Penn State and one each to Pittsburgh and Syracuse. The relegation of the Ivy League along with the irrelevance of the service academies has made the Northeast a backwater in college football. Pittsburgh and Syracuse themselves haven’t done much on the national stage in nearly 30 years, so it feels even more unlikely that the region can win titles regularly ever again.

The Midwest, South, and West all claimed a piece of the pie from the Northeast, but the Midwest was arguably the most dominant region in the 20th Century. We’re gonna consider the Midwest to constitute the Big Ten, Big 8, and Notre Dame. Oklahoma is a bit of a strange case, they’re considered a Southern state but in college football they were always culturally Midwestern until they joined themselves to Texas when the Big 12 was formed. Once Michigan and Minnesota burst on the scene in the 1900′s it was on. From 1900 to 1909 those two schools claimed 8 out of 18 national titles awarded. In the 1940′s the success of Notre Dame, Minnesota, and Michigan meant that the Midwest claimed 10 of 15 total national championships, a full two-thirds of the total. Oklahoma led the charge in the 50′s, where the region won 7 national titles compared to 8 for the entire rest of the country. The last truly dominant period in the Midwest was in the 1970′s, when Oklahoma and Nebraska helped the region claim 7 titles when everyone else only took home 5. In the 1990′s, the Midwest still claimed 5 championships mostly due to Nebraska’s last dynasty, the rest of the nation took home 9 titles. Due to demographic shifts, the Midwest is struggling to keep pace with the South for supremacy in college football. Oklahoma won a title in 2000 and Ohio State won in 2002 and 2014, but otherwise there’s been an uncomfortable drought. Outside of the blue blood schools who can recruit based on reputation, it’s been difficult for the Midwest to claim some of the best talent the nation has to offer in this new millennium.

The South is completely in control of college football right now. It seems like basically every year a Southern team wins a national championship. From Texas to Florida the region contains nearly all of the top talent coming in from high school. The South had always been reasonably competitive starting in the 1920′s, but the region really started taking off with the emergence of the Florida schools in the 1980′s. In that decade, the South claimed 7 championship compared to 4 from the rest of the country, mostly thanks to Miami’s incredible run. In the 90′s, six different Southern schools won seven championships compared to seven from everywhere else. Since the turn of the century, the gap has become quite large. Depending on if you count Oklahoma as a Southern school or not, the South has claimed 13 or 14 of the 18 championships awarded since 2000. Alabama, Florida, and LSU have all claimed multiple championships in the past 17 years. It doesn’t look like this dominance will end anytime soon either. Unless something drastic changes in the culture of this sport, the South is going to dominate college football for the foreseeable future.

The West has never dominated college football like the other regions of the country, but they’ve always had some kind of success. There have always been strong teams to come from the region ever since Cal won their first title in 1920. Indeed, California as a state has won more titles than any other state in the nation, with 18 total championships compared to 17 for Alabama. Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Indiana (all by Notre Dame) tie for third with 13. The problem is that the region is simply still rather underpopulated outside of large urban centers. The rural populations that make up large swaths of college football fandoms elsewhere are just much smaller in most Western states. Since I stripped titles from BYU and Colorado, the only states in the whole Western US to be awarded ANY championships have been California and Washington. Considering the inherent demographic challenges of the region, they’ve done well for themselves, though it also means they’ll probably be unable to compete with the South in the near future.

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So there you have it. Those are some of the patterns I’ve noticed after writing what has amounted to a novella on this subject. I want to once again thank anybody who actually has been generous enough with their time to read all of this. I of course want to give a shoutout to my footblr pals @collegefootball128, @thechlostertalkssports, and @saturdaystars. I think they’ll be happy with my assessment of their favorite teams. If anybody has any questions about the process or any feedback, please don’t hesitate to write in, I always try to respond to any fan mail about my projects.

I might take a short little break, this project has taken me a very long time to complete so I need to recharge a bit. But don’t worry, I’ll be back, I’ve already got a number of ideas for my next long-form project!

Thanks once again!

-thecfbg