#dog physical therapy cost

[malum-forev]

jealousy, turning saints into the sea

*

Summary: After Bucky made you jealous with a new recruit, you decide he should get a taste of his own medicine.

Pairing: Bucky x Agent!reader

Part 1: jealousy, jealousy

“Your dark, angry, grr, Winter Soldier persona isn’t hitting as hard anymore.” Sam smiled as he sat down at the bar next to Bucky.

“Everything that’s happening is your fault.” Bucky hissed, not taking his eyes off of you. You were only a few feet away but the way you were actively ignoring him made Bucky feel thousands of miles away.

“Hey, you were the one who agreed.” Sam held his hands up defensively.

It started as a joke and Bucky never intended for it to become a big deal, or maybe subconsciously he did want it to become a problem. That’s the only explanation as to why he accepted his friend’s bet. 

It all started when Sam suggested Bucky’s love language is possessiveness.

“I am not.” Bucky grumbled, forcing his eyes to concentrate on the man in front of him instead of you. You were finishing up a team meeting with some ex-SHIELD agents. But proving his point about not being overprotective was becoming more and more difficult. His enhanced hearing was playing a twisted game, making Bucky clench his fists as he heard the agents talk about how you looked in your tactical suit. 

“So I assume you waiting for your girlfriend outside the conference room has nothing to do with the fact you want to metaphorically pee on her.” Sam’s smile only made Bucky’s scowl deepen. 

Sam’s words combined with the agents depraved (but accurate) description of your looks were making Bucky’s tolerance level drop down to a zero. His heartbeat rose and he felt a cold sweat start to form. Is this what a panic attack feels like? He asked himself. 

“The things I’d do to her, starting by bending her over the desk and-“ One of the agents said. That was it, he’d had enough. 

Bucky slammed his open palm on the glass barrier separating him from you. The agents jumped in their seats as they saw the Winter Soldier all but break the wall. 

“I’ll be done in a few minutes.” Your sweet voice calmed his racing heart, Bucky nodded with a tight-lipped smile. 

Sam clutched his stomach as his booming laughter took over the hallway. “You couldn’t even wait for her to get out of the room! You are totally marking your territory.”

“I’m not a dog!” Bucky rolled his eyes. 

“Then what’s the problem? What’s making your cyborg brain crash?” Sam wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

Bucky ran his palm against his face and considered the pros and cons of telling Sam the truth. Pro: he would get it off his chest and it would probably make him feel better. Con: Sam would know.

“The problem is,” Bucky sighed, looking back at you. “She never gets jealous. It’s physically impossible for her to care, and it’s been driving me insane! I consider myself a good-looking guy, some women have even called me handsome! And she just carries on like it doesn’t matter. I feel like she doesn’t want me.”

Sam crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re telling me you want her to be jealous?”

“Maybe I do, sometimes.” Bucky shrugged his shoulders. “It’s just, I think about her morning, evening, and night so whenever I see someone who wants to swoop in and woo her- it makes me violent. But whenever some woman hits on me, she thinks it’s cute.”

“First of all, you need to get that checked. Go to therapy about it or something.” Sam’s reply made Bucky regret ever telling him. “And second of all, of course she gets jealous. She probably just doesn’t tell you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes again. “I’m telling you, it’s impossible to make her jealous.”

“Wanna bet?” Sam’s Cheshire smile should have been a big enough red flag. 

So that’s where Bucky found himself, paying the debt for his stupid bet with Sam. He’d succeeded, Bucky made you jealous but at what cost. You’d invited the team out for drinks after a mission and dragged Bucky along just to see him wither. 

You threw your head back with laughter and patted the agent’s chest with your hand.

“No one is that funny.” Bucky grumbled. 

“Is this foreplay for you guys?” Sam wrinkled his face. 

“Of course not,” Bucky drowned the whiskey in his cup. “she’s making me pay for the stupid thing with the recruit.”

“Glad to know my plan worked.” Sam nudged the brunet. “See, this is why you should start listening to me when we’re out on the field.”

“Yeah well your genius plan is biting me in the ass.” 

The way the agent hungrily looked at you made Bucky’s jaw twitch. You were doing this on purpose, and he knew the only thing he could do was sit back and receive his punishment.  

His eyes still sternly glued on you, your every move. Bucky watched as you brought your hand behind your neck and tossed your hair to one side; exposing the side of your neck, a place he knew you loved being kissed. Next, you brought your hand to twirl around the necklace, the long metal catching the agent’s eyes. The eyes that were now traveling to your cleavage. His hungry eyes darted around, trying to catch a glimpse at whatever he could. 

Bucky knew that look, the look of someone trying to memorize everything their seeing so they can replicate it a few hours later when they’re alone in the shower.

But what sent him over the edge was the way the agent pulled you closer. He snaked his arm behind you, pulling your waist into him. Bucky couldn’t take it anymore, he saw red and was looking for blood. 

Bucky slipped off his leather jacket but not before taking the silencer from the breast pocket. 

“I don’t condone violence.” Sam warned. 

“You fight, knock down and kill people with metal wings.” Bucky said with a harsh tone as he screwed the silencer onto the gun hidden in his back.

Sam placed one of his hands on Bucky’s chest and extended the other one. “Give it to me.”

“You ruin everything.” Bucky groaned, placing the gun in Sam’s hand. 

“That’s more like it.” He smiled. 

“You never said anything about not being able to use my God-given skills.” Bucky said as he pushed up the sleeves on his Henley.   

“God didn’t give you that vibranium arm!” Sam yelled as Bucky pushed past everyone in the small bar.

Within a couple of seconds, Bucky had walked all the way over to the other side of the bar, pushed the agent up the wall and took his shirt in his left arm, the mechanical whir of the vibranium showed the agent just how strong he was. Bucky may no longer have the red star on his shoulder but it was tattooed in his soul, and he wasn’t above showing someone what that meant. 

“You will never again speak to her, touch her, or look at her.” Bucky’s deep voice made the young agent’s eyes widen. “Is that clear?”

The man in his grip nodded furiously. Bucky brought him up a few feet from the floor only to drop him down. Slamming the agent’s body against the wood floors. 

Bucky walked past the lump of bones on the floor. “SHEILD is making its agents weak.”

“You ready to go home, big guy?” You couldn’t contain your smile. 

Bucky left some crumpled bills on the table and took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers. “I’ve been dying for you to say that.” 

————-

Author's Note: hi hiiii! I'm so glad you guys liked pt. 1! Sooo here's Bucky's version! Hope you guys like it! As always pls like, reblog and comment if you do! <3

And don’t forget to ask a prompt for my 1k bingo game! 💖

tagged: @kpopgirlbtssvt @shara-ne @namelesssaviour

*Any gifs posted are not my own and I give the artist full credit.

[28ms28]

MY Rating of F1 drivers based on their personality(more sway) and their track presence and racing

1. Charles Leclerc

(Track Menace who is also Pookie Bear) (unintentionally funny) (just an inchident) (canonically listens to sad songs after bad races) (piano man was at some point higher in the iTunes chart than at the actual championship standings) (clueless cringefail loser) (Ice-cream man) (14 year old Max Verstappen's nightmare) (best qualifier on the grid imo) (idk something about someone who is on course for achieving greatness and will not stop until he achieves it no matter the cost, something about so much sacrifices for something he got soo close to achieving something that did not work out in the end something about how he devotes himself to Ferrari like no one else could before him something about how fate chose him to be in that seat something about how he made it look easy something about how it looked like the way was paved for him something red red red idk something about web weaving) (dogdad) (we love Leo) (went to Lewis Hamilton school of naming his dog after his rival) (oh and dreams about community services with said rival) (very strong mental health and even bigger therapy bills) (did i mention he's il predestinato of the tifosi) (biggest Ferrari fan) (only one who knows how to race max verstappen) (he was an ankle biting child see any photos of his childhood as proof) (everybody is maxplaining victim he's a maxplaining enjoyer) (suffers from middle child syndrome) (Seb's Ferrari child) (committed parricide on Sebastian Vettel in 2019 and 2020)

2. Max Verstappen

(pookiest pookie to ever pookie, track lion, big brother, catdad, certified victim ,about to be 4 time world champ, deserves so much more love, so so so incredibly talented, he's just a shy boy your honour ,free my man he did all of it but yeah vibes, because I'm dutch, fifa legend(just online), Danny kvyat has nightmares about him, geography nerd, has zero skills in any other physical sport, is planning to become a sim racer, tu tu tu du max verstappen (fun lore about Max did you know this guy was ranked 21st in the world in ultimate fifa in 2018(or was it 2016?? Doesn't matter) like can you imagine being that insane like bro you are a f1 driver in a top team like pls ??) (community service enjoyer) (certified yapper) (is terrified of fuel stations(jos verstappen when I catch you) ) (#1 lecfosi) (cringefail loser and he knows it) (teammate destroyer) (has read every rule in the rulebook and knows how to break every rule in the rulebook legally ofc all legally) (Seb's redbull child) (on his way to break every single one of Seb's record just to spite the old man)

(And is friends with an old Austrian man somehow)

3. Oscar Piastri

(Pookie bear, Mark Webbers child that has Sebastian Vettel's evil aura (Mark you will never know peace), koala, polite cat, eldest sibling energy, Android lover, Carlos Sainz's nightmare gremlin, loves cricket(cannot play well bless his heart), #1 lestappen shipper(I respect that) is also somehow the eldest of the lestappen children(his granddads are Webbanso) ) ( Him and Fernando have plotted the downfall of alpine) (I have a feeling he hates Zak brown deep down which I agree with) (grill the grid champ(like I said aura of Seb Vettel))

4. George Russell

(British individual(derogatory), king of radio messages (oh crikey), has an evil aura which is probably why he gets along with Nando, makes amazing powerpoints(facts!!), head of the gdpa and he takes it V.E.R.Y seriously probably the admin to the f1 driver group chat, part-time driver part-time strategist, he's a better driver than people give him credit for unpopular opinion but I think he can be a wdc or least a close wdc contender if given the right car I think if he was in lando's car in 2024 he probably would have taken the fight to max idk about winning but he's for sure no easy breeze, f3 and f2 wdc too, very memefiable or wotever the word is) ( T pose)(t.a.l.l.)(one sweaty boi)

5. Carlos Sainz

(Spanish chilli, smooth operator, dog lover, says bye to his racing career after 2024( no wait let me tell you something let me finish let m- *shot*), certified zoning out( Carlos has been called to the stewards), Lewis Hamilton hater prolly, certified Fred vassuer hater, poor guy really he leaves whenever a team is getting good like come on, has had very good teammates and has been friends with them, in 2025 will become the third person in history to have raced for Ferrari, McLaren and Williams, I feel like he lacks a bit of aggressiveness in his racing like he operates smoothly and intelligently sure but yk you should have a bite yk )(whenever he finds this said bite and aggressiveness it's usually against his teammate I'm noticing you Carlos I'm noticing)( loves Lando Norris, golf master but humble about it, Maria Karey, one of the mature drivers on the grid, excellent at all sports, James aeiou has a crush on him, Lana del Ray coded, him and max were torro rosso nepo babies).

6. Lewis Hamilton

(7-time world champion, goat behaviour, was friends with P Diddy, rich cool wine aunt, #blessed, fashionista, Hammertime, Fernando Alonso's nightmare gremlin, don't ever mention 2016 in front of him, is haunted by Nico Rosberg, is neighbours with Nico Rosberg, will avoid Greece for the rest of his life, had a very public divorce, thus vegan, Silverstone 2008 you will always be famous, this Barbie is an f1 driver, still we rise guys, Toto Wolff and David Croft will sacrifice their bloodline for him, certified Micheal Massi hater, certified Bottas lover, we love him and Seb being the activists on the grid, this is getting manipulated man, did not survive Abu Dhabi 2021, did not survive Abu Dhabi 2016, has had caps thrown at him, Left family for Italian mafia, uncle I beg you please get your qualifying form back pls pls, is embarrassed by those toxic #teamlh and you cannot convince me otherwise, has let 2 baddies named Nico slip from him, ISS THAT GLOCK???, Bono my tyres are gone)

7. Lando Norris

(twitch streamer first f1 driver second, McLaren boy, hates papaya rules, has been multi21nd, mental health has been made very public by his own goddamn team, party-boy and DJ, fakes knowing how to play COD and Fortnite, very consistent racing good for him, terrified of first laps and poles, best friends with last laps and fastest laps(let's go Lando), shit at golf and geography but it's okay he makes up for it by being funny, probably misses being Carlos's teammate, but like Carlos lacks a bit of aggressiveness that is required, McLaren PR's nightmare gremlin, opposite of polite cat, has somehow managed to anger every fanbase and his car is the sole reason for the unification of RedBull, Ferrari and Mercedes, has been dealing with the wrath of Australia since 2021, at the end of the day just a curly haired guy ).

8. Fernando Alonso

(Spanish devil , Disney villain ahh character, 2005 and 2006 world champ, is looking for his 33rd win, Michael Schumacher's nightmare gremlin, grumpy old man first f1 driver second, lance lover(rare), Lawrence stroll's sugar baby, fast, prime Alonso I am scared of you, goat behaviour, holds a special grudge against McLaren and Lewis Hamilton(Alonso is sick of his ass), no more radio for the rest of the race, believes in karma, has dated Taylor swift apparently but is in love with Mark Webber( Jenson button is also somewhere in there), is known as El padre and has an el plan(everyone should be afraid), racecraft out of this world, 2005 Suzuka you will always be famous, all de time you have to leave da space, Alonso radio my love, aggressive but good racing the likes of which I have never seen and probably never will, what do mean by "I knew he'd brake earlier because he has 2 kids and a wife at home" like who says that what what??, worse career decisions than Ferrari strategies, bad luck so much bad luck, so chaotic so much chaos, has adopted Oscar and has plotted the downfall of alpine with him, Flavio haunts him, do not bring up Singapore 2008 in front of him especially not if Felipe Massa is present there, has driven the 2014 Ferrari and has not recovered from it, has outlasted Renault in formula one (wild), give Fernando Alonso 5 more points and he would be a 5 time wdc (even more wild), bye bye I'm still the bad guy)

9. Alex Albon

(alabonoo) ( bff with George Russell) ( is bullied by George Russell) (golf wag first f1 driver second) ( James aeiou has a favourite and it's Alex Albon) ( Alex really said I'm Thai first and a colonizer second and good for you Alex) (2020 Alex and 2022 onwards Alex are different people okay?) ( he's a consistent racer much like Lando but he makes mistakes more often, under pressure working is not his forte sorry pals but it had to be said) ( he's a really nice dude tho and really funny as well ) ( dude has a Chipotle member card as one of his essentials and you tell me I'm not supposed to love him come on be reasonable)(he has his own zoo he's a certified pet owner) ( if I had the money for that amount of pets I would do the same Alex I get it ) (also he's a Ferrari fan so you just know bro is always on hopium) (I think he gets put under the radar often but he's great) ( he seems to be a chill dude imo)(we both love lily)

10. Nico Hulkenberg

(German but like in a cool way) ( has been giving dad energy before he was a dad) ( called Hulk but is probably the calmest person on the grid) ( give my man Bruce Banner his podium nah it's not even funny anymore he deserves so much better than that) ( he's won le mans on his first try yk give him the Redbull seat for godsakes) (Nico is so cheeky like I know he's a gen x or something but like I see the genz potential yk) (Audi better have a car good enough for a podium I swear to god if we say bye to him before a podium I'm uhm I'm uh I'm gonna cry).

11. Yuki Tsunoda

(anime boi) (wants a restaurant before he wants a world championship and I respect that Yuki) (has an evil aura) (certified hothead because he's a certified good chef) (has the bitch spirit to be a Redbull driver but is not. because of Horner issues) (Yuki does make the occasional mistakes but like he's far better than the alt no?) (in the words of Yuki "idk man wotever") (too much anger for too small body) (is in love with Pierre Gasly) (is bullied by Pierre Gasly) (everybody loves Yuki even Nando is a fan)(tbf nandos a fan of anyone who has an evil aura) (people are terrified of Yuki radio as they rightfully should be) (Yuki is nightmare gremlin of every race engineer).

12. Pierre Gasly

(French but like from the north of France)(known for being French and Max Verstappen's teammate thus known for being fucked over by Redbull, also known for his revenge win in Monza) ( he's just a great driver like if given the right car he can fight at the top and win he's not on Max and Charles level yet but I feel like around George and better than Lando) ( he's also a good qualifier maybe it has something to do with speaking French who knows but yeah amazing what he can do in that shit alpine) (unfortunately he has a severe case of resting bitch face but he's very nice actually unless you are Esteban then he's not very nice) (yeah he also has the brocedes case of childhood best friends turned enemies but like French and he's very much Lewis in that way which means he would much rather ignore estie bestie than talk about him e.v.e.r while estie brings up his bestie Pierre wherever he can like Nico)( oh and he loves one Japanese boi)(pierreeee gasllyyyyy)

13. Kevin Magnussen

(Kmag the Viking) (my god nobody races like kmag lol) Okay so maybe I put him this high because he's a track terror to everyone but like watcha want me to do? Not acknowledging kmag's great defending is a crime, he is here to cause menace no matter how many penalty points he gains or races he's banned from he's really coming for Ocon's penalty points honour tbh. Shame really that this is his last season... just when things got interesting *sigh* (off the track he's a chill girldad) (hulk and kmag had an enemies-to-lovers story arc and I think that's beautiful)

14. Esteban Ocon

(he's French, he's from Normandy in France which is the north of France so you just know he was a bored child) (he and Pierre were bored babies) (which is probably why he races the way he does lol) (5-second penalty for Ocon) (no but seriously this guy has mad potential but also he's a mad teammate killer and not in a good way) (he has made a way for himself in formula one and he belongs here it's just that maybe if he tried targeting people other than his teammates he would make it much easier for himself) (he's a very cheerful person irl) (big Marvel fan) (gives very early teenage boy vibes) (softie at heart) (cannot for the life of him pronounce squirrel)(oh he also loves lance(rare)) (Estie bestie is on the podium babyyy)

15. Daniel Riccardo

(Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi oi oi ) (damn Daniel) (it's not tears it's athlete sweat ) (I mean I knew it was time to go but still it didn't have to be this way it's okay tho Danny is enjoying retirement and dirt bikes) (yeah the performance was just not there for Danny boi not that we could see it anyway because of vcarbs shit strategy or whatever they call it) (I miss prime Daniel he was such an annoyance to Sebastian)(2014 Daniel took the Australian revenge on Seb for his crimes against Mark Webber) (but yeah Daniel you go out of this sport with lots of love and a fastest lap)(ki ki aye)

16. Valtteri Bottas

(Finnish when he was in Mercedes but is officially Australian since then) ( Bottas more like Bott-ass get what I mean) (I mean that he has a weird obsession with his gluteus maximus) (Valtteri pls I beg you stop this behaviour) (10 time Grand Prix winner Valtteri has nightmares about James aeiou) (Valtteri it's James) (he's pretty chill all he cares about is racing, cyclist girlfriend, and his mullet+moustache(not necessarily in that order)) also here's a sad fact since Valtteri won't be on the grid next year it would be the first time a Finnish racer is not in the grid since 1989 yeah everybody is waiting for Robin Raikkonen now.

17. Sergio Perez

(Checo damn man what happened) (no 2 Redbull driver curse got to checo) (he was doing so good in racing point like Sakhir 2020 my beloved last to first, man what a performance that was) (he is capable of doing such great things but nooo bro gets knocked out in q1 more than he has reached q3) (Redbull killed the dawg in him man) (certain Austrian man haunts his nightmares and no it's not Niki Lauda) (he and Logan are the nightmare gremlins for mechanics)(even when he performs it's usually in no human right countries so he's not really helping the allegations) ( this poor Latina I swear to god) (he can't drive and he's up and about with other women(Taylor swift 1989 reference) aye aye aye(checo go home to your wife and children).

18. Logan Sargeant

(American) (bald eagle noises) (collective groan of William mechanics) (sorry logie bear)(James aeiou shall face the wrath of Jenson button it's ok) (first American to score points in f1 since 1993 that's 30 years so yaaay!!) (American history will be kind to you Logan)(not sure about f1 history tho) (your last gift to us was a sick ass album cover and I respect it) (if only he knew what a kilometre was * sigh*)(bye bye miss American pie).

19. Zhou Guanyu

(China boy) (another alpine escapee) (Zhou I'm sorry but you're not him anymore) (I miss pre-Silverstone 2022 Zhou where has my dawg gone man) (Zhou may not be as good of a racer now but he makes it up by being a fashionista) (tbf to him that Sauber stake monstrosity is not really helpful so) (also he is a catdad and had an emo phase through f3) (He's the first Chinese to ever race in f1 I think he's done his country proud) (He's also a proud Valtteri lover)

Okay so rookies next I did not include them here well because they have had like on avg 4 races soo

1. Oliver bearman

(ollie) (what a wonderful job he has done my god) (p7 in Jeddah on a day's notice wow dude) (he's driving for Haas in 2025 and his teammate is Esteban so that's..great (my condolences!! ifykyk)) also points in Baku after he passed his teammate (tell me you are a lestappen child w/o telling me you're a lestappen child) what I've seen from him I can tell he's very relentless that's good(also he's the most employed unemployed person ever) (also I heard people criticising him by commenting on his current f2 season like babe did u see his rookie f2 season?? that's why he's here not because of this year but last year and he's not doing bad this year it's just the car is shit but yeah he was at one point higher in the f1 standings than in f2 so I get why people are confused lol) (also he's super likeable very Genz very demure very mindful) (Ferrari has grown him in a lab with utmost care so he's very much a PR baby)

(oh yeah also he's in love with Kimi Antonelli) (yeah they are being genz lestappen)

2. Franco Colapinto

(Frankie baby) (Argentinian and very proud) (is very funny) (is also very genz) (sent James aeiou into a crisis by doing a better job than Alex Albon) (scored 4 times the amount of points than his predecessor in his 2nd race) (looks like Senna goes for the gap like Senna( in racing!! in racing!! calm down man)) (he deserves his place in f1 next year my god) (like the racecraft he has shown is very impressive I'm impressed and so is very f1 team even if he does not get the seat next year I doubt people are gonna forget about him believe me he will be in the talks still) (like I said he's not even had a full f2 season when he was called in for Williams and yet the incredible pace he has shown is fantastic) (has all the 30+ aged drivers enthralled with him and I don't blame them I would be too) (also he refers to Ocon as the Frenchman so where do I submit my stan card??) (oh and he has been adopted by Max Verstappen)

3. Liam Lawson

(aka New Zealand's revenge on Australia) (he did a fantastic job in 2023 and has been doing a fantastic job in 2024) (his idol is Lighting McQueen.....so now that everybody knows that he's Genz you can probably understand why he is beefing with Nando and Checo(boomers) (I think he drives aggressively but not as smoothly he is yet to find a balance it looks like but hey it's working out for him no?) (honestly just give either him or Yuki the Redbull seat) (off the track he's quite an expressive person but I don't think we have seen much of his personality he's friendly for sure and I mean he's a cars fan like come on he's a Pixar kid) (idk something about him says yeah I'm Genz but I still go on Facebook) (not that it's bad not saying the vibes are bad just Liam show more personality).

So that's pretty much it let me kno-what ? what do you mean I forgot someone oh lance stroll?? yeah no I didn't forget(I wish) I just have nothing to say really.

PLS READ these rankings are in my opinion and my opinion only please be kind to me this ranking is for humorous and comedic purposes only no hate to anyone!!

[rubeghast]

hiii just a reminder that there are banana leaf prints, block printed totes, woodburning stickers, and other cool stuff in my shop !

all income will go towards my 7 year old dog's bone cancer treatments. she had to have her leg amputated recently and the costs of her ongoing treatments will be around 20k in total (tests, surgery, chemo, supplements, physical therapy, etc). its a huge expense so any amount helps!!

if you want to help out but arent interested in ordering anything, i also have a kofi !

boosting this post is also v much appreciated <3 thank u all!!!!

[huramuna]

wine red, tears gold - chapter 4.

king aegon II x baratheon ofc

previous chapter | next

a 'what if aegon didn't get poisoned and the greens technically won the dance but at what cost' au. basically aegon, alicent, otto and jaehaera are the only greens alive. and larys i guess. someone get rid of this guy.

word count: 3.5k

please follow & turn on notifs for @huramuna-fics for my fic postings

content: smut (specifics below cut), canon typical misogyny, canon typical violence, angst, fluff, arranged marriage, touch-staved aegon, aegon isn't a r*pist in this au but he is still a bad person and has his vices, ofc and aegon need to go to therapy together, justice for jaehaera, awkward sex, kind of a slow burn, infidelity

this comes from the inside - the living tombstone • oblivion - grimes

warnings: p in v, creampie

Being close with another person can be such a precarious thing. Not just in emotional closeness, but physical as well. 

Lyanna never much liked being touched, not even as a child. She would shy away from courtiers pinching her cheeks, from her mother’s outstretched arms, from her father’s heavy hand upon her shoulder. Being touched felt like a burden of sorts, as if someone expected reciprocity from putting their hands on another. 

She never wished to give it in return. 

Since moving to the Red Keep, she has changed— in more ways than one, of course. She quite liked being touched now by her good mother, Alicent’s touches were soft and warm. Mayhaps it was because the queen mother was there to hold Lyanna at her lowest, and she found some comfort in her arms that she never derived from her own mother. 

Then there was Aegon. His touches were… confusing. He seemed much at war with himself, like a stray dog wishing for affection, a scratch on the cheek or pat of the head, but didn’t know how to ask, how to convey he wanted it. His proposal to Lyanna of exchange of pleasure for nurture was a strange one, to be sure. 

It must’ve been the wine, that would be why she had said yes, wouldn’t it? 

Certainly not the fact that her husband seemed… jealous. Jealous of a Dornish prince putting his hands on her and making her laugh. Aegon, being the same one who had said she wasn’t a beauty that men go to war for. Aegon, who couldn’t even flow in the same atmosphere as Lyanna for weeks. Aegon, who fucked a whore the morning after their wedding and many days besides. 

That Aegon— was jealous? 

The notion of it seemed humorous to Lyanna, as if she held some great power over him, reducing him to his knees before her. 

All for a touch. 

In truth, it was more than just a touch. He had fallen asleep with his head in her lap, snoozing softly. Lyanna wriggled down, trying to get comfortable. As much as she detested Aegon, at least she thought she did, she didn’t want to wake him. Not when he seemed so at peace with his pathetic prize. 

He was a heavy sleeper. She managed to lay on her back comfortably and adjust his position to where he was strewn across her stomach and chest. Lyanna watched him for… who knows how long, being lulled into some sense of relaxation by his weight and warmth on her, coupled with his rhythmic breathing. He was like a living heavy blanket. 

Her fingers threaded through his hair, smoothing small circles upon his scalp absentmindedly, as she fell asleep herself. 

When she awoke, he was still there— albeit, shifted slightly. He clung to her like a second skin, his leg thrown over hers, his arms draped over her chest haphazardly, still deeply asleep. Lyanna’s breaths fanned over his hair, his head resting under her chin. Whatever spell she had been under the night before had (almost) worn off, the novelty faded. 

Gently, more gentle than he truly deserved, she roused him. “Aegon,” she murmured, “Aegon, it's morning— I must get ready soon.” 

“Morning…” he hummed drowsily, lips pressed to her neck unknowingly. “No… I will sleep more.” 

Lyanna rolled her eyes; it was like dealing with a child rather than a King. “Laze around if you must, husband,” she began to pry him off of her. “But I have duties to attend to.” 

“Duties can wait, wife,” he blinked, supplanting his chin upon her chest and looking up at her in a way that made her heart wrench. He looked Gods awful pathetic, like an abandoned puppy. “Stay longer, please.” 

“… I have things to see to, Aegon. I don’t wish for your mother to be cross if I’m late to break our fast together.” 

He let out a huff, rolling off of her. “May I at least stay until you leave?”

“I suppose. You can help dress me. Do you know how to dress a lady?” Lyanna asked, getting up from the bed to open her wardrobe. 

“Ehm— I know how to undress a lady.”

“My Myrish silk from last night begs to differ.”

“Well, you have too many layers, too many loops and ties. This is why whores are so much easier, they’re practically already naked.” 

Lyanna shot a glare at him. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t remind me that you frequently lie with other ladies.” 

Aegon came up behind her, a bit taller than her by a head, poking his nose into her neck. “Why? Are you jealous?”

She scoffed. “Jealous? Jealous like you were of Prince Qyle?”

“I don’t get jealous,” he grumbled, backing away from her and folding his arms over his chest. “I just don’t think it was appropriate the way he was touching you— like you were a whore.” 

“You love that word, don’t you?” 

“Mayhaps. I quite like other words, too. Slut, cunt, bitch— the list goes on.” 

“You’re truly an ignorant, beautiful creature, Aegon. It’s a wonder to me that you survived infancy.” 

“You think I’m beautiful?” 

Lyanna let out a snorting laugh, it was undignified and unladylike— but real. Even more real than the laughs that Prince Qyle evoked from her the night before. She stayed turned away, sorting through her clothes. The noise she emitted, raucous and loud as it was, made Aegon smile for half a moment. He quite liked when his wife laughed— and he had been the one to do it this time. 

Aegon ended up not helping her dress, as he took one look at the configurations of a corset and left. 

That was fine by Lyanna, in all truths. She descended to the Queen mother’s chambers and broke her fast with her, as was her daily routine. Somehow, in the middle of their eating, their conversation turned to the topic of sex. Lyanna didn't feel much embarrassment talking about most things with Alicent, as she was a good conservationist– but sex was one of the things Alicent was… hesitant to talk about, all things considered, and Lyanna wasn’t exactly an expert. 

Poking into her soft boiled egg with her spoon, Lyanna listened intently to Alicent.

“You’re the only one I would talk to such things about, dearest,” Alicent hummed, dragging her utensil through her own bowl of coddled eggs, “I never much liked it with… the late King. ‘Twas my duty, after all. I can only hope that, ehm, Aegon makes it less painful for you.” 

“... he does fine, I suppose,” Lyanna murmured, prying the soft white of the egg from the shell and balancing it on the spoon. “... truthfully, we haven’t…” she rolled her shoulders to enunciate her meaning, “Laid together in a way conducive to making an heir– not since the wedding night.”

The queen mother perked a brow, crossing one leg over the other. “So you are doing such things in… other methods?”

“Only once– last night, in fact,” Lyanna admitted softly, poking the bite of egg into her mouth, wiping away an errant drop of yolk from her lip– to which Alicent was watching intently– “After the banquet. Was Aegon… jealous as a child?”

Alicent cracked a small smile, leaning back in her chair. “I’m not sure that he was jealous in the way that some may think. He wasn’t so much envious of what others had that he wished to covet, but rather what others were, comparatively to him. Rhaenyra was his father’s favorite, Aemond was the better swordsman, Helaena more beloved by my father– he was always the odd one out.” she blinked profusely, picking at the hem of her sleeve. “Why?”

“He… followed me to my chambers after the feast and started spewing heinous accusations about Prince Qyle and I.” 

“And this… led you both to the bed?” Alicent took a long sip of her tea, her eyes not leaving Lyanna’s. 

“No– my boudoir chair, actually.”

The queen mother’s cheeks reddened softly. “Oh my– I cannot say that’s something I experienced. Was it… pleasurable at least?” 

“It was certainly enlightening– that he may not be as useless as I thought,” Lyanna paused. “That I may not be as repulsive to him as I thought I was.” she spoke a bit quieter then, the subject still tender to her, a wound not yet fully scarred over.

“It’s his blood.” Alicent replied in a matter-of-fact tone.

“His… blood?” 

“The blood of the dragon– Targaryens have dragon’s blood in their veins, which runs thick and hot when situations become… precarious. It may be any sort of situation that might give you or I an adrenaline rush, good or bad– but for them, all my children included, it’s like igniting the spark to a wildfire. Some sort of primal, uncontainable thirst for… whatever it is that spurred them. For Aegon… he quells his blood with wine and whores,” Alicent frowned slightly at the notion, the corners of her eyes crinkling into a silent apology, “Jealousy could very well be one of the things that whipped him into a frenzy– mayhaps you should use such a thing to your advantage? Of course, I won’t condone adultery, my dear– but the illusion of interest in someone else may have Aegon more… inclined to lay with you.” 

Lyanna sniffed slightly, putting down her empty egg shell. “I wish he would just want it without me having to… set him on fire, or however it’s put.”

“Men are– for the lack of a better word– stupid, Lyanna. They are blind to the things they need the most.” 

–

Lyanna spent the rest of her week planning on how exactly to make Aegon jealous. She didn’t really understand how to put on such airs of that extent– acting confident was one thing, but feining attraction for another person was different, wasn’t it? She didn’t consider herself a massive flirt, either.

They sat in the dining hall, entertaining a visiting lord from the Reach, some Tyrell or Redwyne or other, who promptly gave Lyanna a bouquet of beautiful flowers. She was delighted at the gesture, not because she really enjoyed them, but because it would be easier to start her ruse. 

“Oh, thank you, my lord– these are gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous,” she hummed. She was wearing a green dress that, somehow, matched Aegon’s deep green tunic that eve. “How did you know that sunflowers were my favorite?” 

“Ah, your grace, the sunflower is my favorite as well,” the lord smiled heartily, chattering on and on about sunflowers. “It very much reminded me of your radiance, my queen.”

His audacious compliment earned a warm giggle from Lyanna, her face blistered with a blush– half of the blush was from real bashfulness, as she wasn’t used to receiving such compliments. She knew it was false, of course. She was more reminiscent of a plain dandelion than a sunflower.

The dinner consisted of Lyanna talking to him, making much smalltalk and overall, talking to him more than she’d talked to Aegon in their entire marriage. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her husband practically stewing, rolling around a brussel sprout around his plate with the tip of his knife, an inhuman heat blistering off of him in waves.

Apparently, to Aegon, enough was enough– his hand slipped from his goblet of wine, drenching the front of Lyanna’s dress. “Ah– my dear, I’m so very clumsy,” he crooned, “Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?” 

Lyanna nodded slowly as her husband looped his arms around her and led her out of the dining hall. She murmured some apologies to their guests, citing that they would return soon. Aegon led them down a corridor, not far from the hall, into a closed off enclave, where he closed the door. 

“You’re doing this on purpose,” he grumbled, spinning her around so that her back was pressed against the stone wall in the close quarters of what was basically a servant’s closet. “You’re egging me on purposefully.” 

Tilting her chin up defiantly, she spoke nonchalantly. “I have no idea what you’re speaking of, husband, truly.” 

Aegon gave an unamused expression, his mouth wrought into a thin line. “I’m not even that drunk and I could plainly see you letting that… absolute peon of a Lord come onto you.” 

“So? He fancies me and gifted me a bouquet of flowers– I don’t see anything terribly wrong with that. It isn’t unheard of to pay homage to their queen, is it?” 

His hand shot out, gripping her chin and jaw. “I don’t– You– you’re so fucking frustrating!” he growled, raising his voice. Their noses were touching from their proximity, their breaths intermingling. It was the closest they’d ever been.

Footsteps echoed from the hallway, to which the both of them froze. They came past the closet, then descended back down the corridor.

“This is scandalous.” Lyanna murmured.

“How? We are husband and wife, simply having a chat.”

“We are the king and queen of the Seven Kingdoms, not… animals– I’m sure that anyone who opened this door would see you… pinning me against a wall. I’m not sure much could be left to the imagination there, Aegon.”

“You really should get the stick out of your arse, wife.”

“Mayhaps it would do better up yours, then?”

“Careful, I may actually enjoy that.” he grinned, the expression lighting up his usually solemn face. Lyanna considered him quite handsome at that moment. 

“You’re vulgar.” she quipped back, biting down on the soft part between his thumb and forefinger gently.

A sound akin to a breathy moan came from Aegon’s mouth at her bite. “And you call me an animal? You’re fucking biting me, you cheeky minx.” 

“Yes? Well, if you are to drag me to your level– we are both animals then.” she stared at him with wide eyes and she wondered if he could feel the beat of her heart. It felt like it would abscond from her body at any moment. Her heavy chest fell and rose in weighty breaths. 

“That lord is quite wrong, you know,” Aegon whispered, his lips dangerously close to hers– they hadn’t kissed since the wedding ceremony, and even then it was a quick peck – his mouth quirked into a smug grin. “You aren’t a sunflower. You’re a sweet little rabbit. I quite like rabbit, you know. They’re delicious, succulent,” he paused, leaning forward and speaking against her lips, “Tender.”

It was unsure who closed the gap first, but their lips fused together into a ferocious kiss. They both tasted of a deep, rich wine. It was a fight of tongues and teeth, a battle where they both wished to devour one another– Lyanna’s hand tugged at his white curls, nails scraping against his scalp as he held her face in a vice-like grip, as if he was afraid she would dissipate from his clutches at any moment. His lips were soft, surprisingly, where she had expected them to be rough and chapped. His skin pressed against hers and the slight growing stubble upon his cheeks tickled her in kind, her lips perking into a smile as they kissed. 

The once silent closet became a cacophony of small sighs and gasps from both the king and queen. Aegon’s free hand trailed to the small of Lyanna’s back, resting right in the divots above her bottom, his fingers splayed out in exploratory fashion. His repose was short lived, as he grabbed the fleshy globe of her arse, emitting a pleased hum of surprise. They parted for a moment to breathe, as it was wholly necessary– if they hadn’t needed to breathe, they wouldn’t have parted at all, reveling in one another’s taste for hours.

“I forbid you to cut my dress, Aegon,” she whispered in a playful warning, staring at him with a look that couldn’t be described as anything else other than fondness. “I refuse to go through these halls with my garment sliced to shreds.”

“But you love it, don’t you? You quite liked it last night.”

“Aegon.”

“Fine,” he acquiesced, his hand retreating from her face to unbuckle his belt. The light of the closet was dim, close to none– the soft flickering of the sconces outside of the corridor bleeding in through the cracked door. She couldn’t see what he was doing, really, but she heard the soft grunts coming from him as his fist slid against his length. Giving her ass a playful squeeze, he used his other hand to ruck up her skirts, the pad of his thumb swiping down her underclothes. “Lovely.” Aegon practically purred, hooking his finger and sliding the wet garb down her legs.

The air was cold against her bare sex, causing her to shiver. She chased the warmth of his body as he adjusted himself, parting from her closeness for just a moment, making her all but whimper. 

They didn’t need words, despite their new trend of back and forth quips– and it was nice to not have to say anything. She let him take the lead, as he was more experienced than she. His legs were between hers, keeping them open as he glided his member between her folds, gathering the wet slick that had been ruminating since they came to the closet, then he slid into her. Lyanna stifled a gasp, the sensation still so unfamiliar– it wasn’t painful like before, as she was prepared for it now, but it was a feeling of stretching she wasn’t used to. 

Aegon, in turn, huffed a moan into her neck, murmuring something in broken High Valyrian under his breath. He sheathed himself to the hilt inside of her, resting both hands on her hips, which had the perfect little clefts for handles, he noted. He didn’t move right away, savoring the warmth and tightness of her, squeezing around him like she was all but made for him. 

“P-please,” she whispered, so quietly, into the shell of his ear.

He set a wonderfully slow pace, which only sped up with each kiss they shared, their tongues mingling and dancing to the soft sound of Aegon’s heavy stones smacking up against Lyanna’s core. Their cacophony became a full on symphony of wet, slapping noises, coupled with their borderline obscene sounding kissing as they moaned into one another’s mouths.

 It felt like something of newness for both of them as Aegon’s thumb came up to circle at her clit– Lyanna was experiencing a fullness and indulgence in having her husband slotted in her so deliciously. Aegon was experiencing something akin to euphoria at the fact that he was fucking someone who wanted him, whom he did not pay, and was not doing so out of duty. He had been a bit hesitant on the latter at first, but there was no way in the Hells that she was faking such debaucherous, beautiful little moans. This was sensual ecstasy and closeness that they’d both never felt before in their lives. 

Lyanna’s whining became more pronounced as Aegon’s attention on her clit came to fruition– she clenched around him like a vice, feeling a small dribble of wetness soak around his cock. This act alone brought Aegon to his own completion, the wetness of her slick now mingling with his seed as he spilled inside of her, deep enough to hopefully take root. He bit onto the lobe of her ear gently as he came, whimpering. 

Lyanna quite liked that sound– of her husband whimpering into her ear as he emptied himself. It made her put both hands on each side of his face and kiss him again– but soft, like his little whimpers. It wasn’t something born of lust, but something completely different. Something that they both really couldn’t name yet.

Coming down from both of their highs, Aegon quickly situated himself back into his trousers– but not before reaching two fingers to his wife’s folds and pushing back in the seed that threatened to leak from her.

“Aegon,” she keened, dangerously close to overstimulation as he gave a cheeky flick to her wrought-over clit. “E-Enough– too much…” 

“I couldn’t resist,” Aegon chuckled as he pulled her undergarments back up, snug once more against her. “I don’t suppose we are returning to dinner?” 

“Gods– I don’t think I can. I am still reeking of wine and I won’t be able to look them all in the eyes when we come back looking as if the cat just ate the canary.”

“Or the dragon ate the rabbit?” 

“... I am sure I can feign sickness just one time– what do you think? Mayhaps we should retire early tonight.” Lyanna flattened out her dress.

“... we?” 

“Yes– we.” 

“We as in… me and you? In the same room? Together?” 

“That is what ‘we’ means, Aegon.” 

“... I suppose I could be convinced.”

–

They did indeed retire early that night, but not before going for round two, then three. A thoroughly fucked out Lyanna rested in bed, her body riddled in hickies of Aegon’s doing, her fingers tangled in his hair. She was well and fast asleep, Aegon noted. 

He loathed to untangle himself from her– she was so nice and warm and soft… but something inside of him nagged. Something broken and heinous tugged at his humanity, willing him to get out of bed and dress, donning his usual thick black cloak.

Off to the Silk Streets. To sate the broken parts of him and to quell the incessant nagging within his head.

Your fault, your fault.

[topazadine]

How I Am Kicking Agoraphobia's Ass

With a little help from Horse, of course

I have struggled with agoraphobia since 2017, when I was sexually assaulted. This is a common cause of agoraphobia, and it is more likely to develop in people who have CPTSD (ding ding guess who).

Anyway, I got so fucking sick of people telling me to "just go outside" as if it's so easy-peasy. Maybe for someone without agoraphobia, it feels seamless to stroll out to your car, but it's not so simple when your brain tells you that Bad Things happen when you leave the house. What are those Bad Things? idk, brain never told me. Just Bad Things.

I organized my life around my agoraphobia for many years; it's the reason I have a remote job. And the "just go outside" advice never, ever helped. The best I could do was leave the house with an Emotional Support Human (or dog), but rarely, if ever, alone.

Now I'm leaving the house at least four times a week! Voluntarily! ALONE! Without getting scared!

And sometimes I even spontaneously decide to leave the house and go to big events where there are dozens of people. Just because I feel like it.

This is momentous. If you have agoraphobia, you know how intense that is.

So what did I do? What can you do?

It's actually so simple and I have no idea why no one told me to do this years ago.

Schedule a regular event that is so exciting that you simply cannot afford to miss it.

Something you care about. Something that's so insanely tempting that you would walk over hot coals to do it. Think about something you used to care about before you became housebound, or something you've always wanted to try. For me, it was (and still is) horseback riding.

But! It must meet these conditions:

It has to happen on a regular basis at a scheduled time. Say, 6 pm every Friday. If it's just "whenever" or "once every few months," you probably won't agree to go to it every time.

There has to be a cost to missing it so your Sunk Cost Theory is triggered. Ideally, there will be multiple costs: that could be disappointing someone who has agreed to go with you every time, and that you have already prepaid for it so you'd lose money.

It has to be something that makes you happy and is just for you, not an obligation. So, therapy doesn't count. Going to the gym also doesn't count if you feel like you have to do it for social reasons or health reasons.

If you want to make this an ironclad thing, it should ideally meet these conditions too:

You learn something while there, which develops a sense of efficacy and confidence.

It's a social activity where you will make friends.

It is a physical activity that releases endorphins. (Again, pick something fun, not just going to the gym if it's not fun for you.)

There are no costs to failing. If I screw up at horseback riding or rock climbing, I'm not going to miss out on a promotion or whatever. I might be mad at myself, but I don't really lose anything by not doing it.

It has an indefinite end date; ie, this is something you could theoretically do every week forever if you want to. So if it's a class you want to take, make sure it's one where you can sign up for more classes if you feel like it.

So how do you find your thing??

Think back to a time before you suffered from agoraphobia. Might be hard if you've struggled with it for most of your life, but you might have glimmers of what you liked before.

What did you enjoy doing, or what did you want to do but couldn't? For me, I got to horseback ride as a little kid but then had to stop for money reasons. Now I can afford to do it because I'm an adult with my own adult money.

Find classes or groups in your area that cater to Thing. If they don't exist or are out of your budget, go back to the drawing board and workshop a new Thing.

Sign up for the class ahead of time. Pick a time that is within the next two weeks but preferably within the next week so you have time to prepare yourself.

If it's a paid class, pay your deposit before you get there.

Tell people you are going - as many people as you can. Now you have social and financial pressure that will make you commit.

Now, the most important part.

Research the particular place you will be going during the time between when you sign up and when you go. Learn what to expect when you get there.

Read reviews. Look at pictures online. Analyze the Google Street View. Practice driving or walking there with directions.

If you're trying a new activity, read up on it. Get beginner tips for what to expect in your first session. Watch videos of other people doing it, and read other peoples' experiences trying it out. Visualize what it will feel like to be there and what you will be doing.

This is mental rehearsal and it makes it less scary to actually step into the place for the first time. You will feel more confident when you arrive because you know what you are doing, where you are going, and what to expect as soon as you arrive.

The climbing gym I go to had a "What to Expect On Your First Visit" page that helped me a lot, and then I watched a lot of rock climbing videos and learned about the techniques so I wouldn't feel stupid. I even looked up what climbing shoes look like and how harnesses feel so I wasn't scared when I put them on.

I can't promise it will help you, but I encourage you to give it a try.

Having something to look forward on a regular basis will make it less and less scary to leave the house because, after a while, you won't even think about how unnerving the transition from Safe Space to Unsafe Space is. More and more places will become Safe, and less places will become Unsafe (within reason).

The route you take will become familiar, as will what to expect when you get there. You'll be able to practice and perfect the technique of psyching yourself up to leave home until you no longer need to; it becomes automatic.

And, most importantly, you'll see that your home isn't the only place in the world where you can exist comfortably. Everything's out there waiting for you, and you deserve to be there, too!

[percygranate]

Hey, so I usually don't ever ask people for money, but I am kind of at the end of my abilities and cried too much today to care about it anymore:

My dog, who I rescued in Croatia in 2017 after he was found eating dirt in the forrest, Lu, is turning 8 years old next mont. He is the sweetest and softest fur baby, and look like an ice bear. He never ever has been in a fight with another animal and thinks everyone, no matter the species, is his best friend.

He is also my best friend, and I initially adopted him after starting therapy after moving out of home for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, and C-PTSD, which had me not leave the house for years. He is my best friend in fur and helped me to get back out into the world again after it had been nothing but awful to me.

I fixed myself, fixing Lu, when nobody wanted him and nobody wanted me.

For two months now he has been dealing with severe hip and back issues. It started abruptly, with him no longer wanting to play and be on long walk, suddenly struggling to get up, and as something our vet called “just a little muscle inflammation” and a one-week medication treatment that cost us 150€.

Lu felt better for 1 1/2 weeks and even started playing a little again before the pain came back. This time, we paid 100€ for a milder medication as the vet did wanna put him again on those string monster pills he was on before as it would’ve damaged his system. I gave him those pills every day (he, by now, is such good boy at taking them) and he did again better for a 1/2 week without daily medication.

Again, he couldn't get up, started crying at night, is no longer is able to sleep in my bed, no longer lay on his back, and he only lays on the floor, trying not to get up and walk around as he is in pain, he no longer plays… So we went to the vet again.

This time, we paid 80€ for a few of the strong medications he got in the first place. Diagnosis: “Old boy. Arthritis. Inflamed hip.” We were meant to give him two of those pills on days he is struggling more than the by now basic.

Two days ago, I was on a walk with Lu, just leaving my apartment complex, when he collapsed for the first time and fell down in the middle of a crosswalk. There was no chance of him getting up. Car drivers hated us, and I bagged for minutes that he would try getting up.

After I nearly started crying, he finally forced himself up, walked a few meters, and fell again. It was like his hips just couldn't carry him anymore. Watching him to try forcing himself up but struggling so badly is something that kills me every time I see it, but I am used to it by now, sadly.

He finally got up after 30 minutes and we walked home. I gave him his pills and after a nap we ran around pretty well, even the next day he was doing so much better. I should've not thought this was over.

Today my boyfriend took him on a walk. The same thing happened, but this time Lu screamed out in pain first. This time there was no getting up. Even after my boyfriend called me and I ran over in my pajamas as Lu is known to be a mama’s boy.

We called our vet, who told us we needed to go to the animal hospital. The animal hospital told us they would charge us roughly 2500€ for an X-ray and have Lu there overnight and treated.

The secretary from the animal hospital told us we were not allowed to pay it back at monthly rates when we asked.

We asked why it was so expensive; she replied, “We are the only ones doing this in the city, so we can choose our prices as we see fit.”

We asked how other people could afford that, crying in the middle of the street as our dog still lay there, unable to walk or even get up, and she told us, “Everyone can afford that.”

When my boyfriend told her he needed to talk to me about it, she replied, “Yeah, sure. Just call us if you actually need and want our help.”

I am disabled, suffering from Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Sympton, am in the middle of getting a POTS diagnosis, and have Autism and ADHD. I am physically due to the chronic pain not able to work. I don't have that kind of money to just whip out like it is nothing.

For my boyfriend, this kind of money is more than his monthly loan.

There is no worse feeling than when your pet is in pain and needs to be medically treated, but you can't get them the help they need because YOU do not earn enough.

We cried and tried to get up Lu for an hour before calling my mother, who I am low contact with as she emotionally abused my for decates and is part of the reason I have C-PTSD. She drove us the a Animal Hospital outside the city, as they were the last suggestion our vet could give us and the told us they would charge less for the same kind of help and work.

There, we were prepared to pay the 300€ to have Lu no matter how, even if we needed to/manage to have my mother borrow it to us.

The vet was amazing, seeing the problem the moment Lu finally stood up and walked for the first time.

His hips are fucked, probably the back too, and he has Arthritis. But right now, they can't do any of the X-rays because first his fever and inflammation need to go down.

Today we paid 100€, Lu got a big shot, and for the first big pain and fever, starting tomorrow, he will regularly take two of those initially given strong pills once a day so he hopefully can have the x-rays next week.

My dog was mentally a puppy jumping around like a little deer until this started. He always wanted to play, always ran around and did something. This took all the joy in life for him.

I’m asking for help to pay for the X-ray and whatever treatment will follow for Lu after.

https://www.paypal.me/percygranate

UPDATE:

Today we had the X-Ray appointment and paid 352€

Hips and back are okay.

BOTH OF LU’S KNEES ARE FUCKED.

Cruciate Ligament Rupture & the knee joints are fucked.

The operation will be a two timer and cost us 4000€

I am currently not able to tell you how I am going to pay this. I barely managed to pay the X-rays today.

I amcurrently not even in possession of a life insurance that could help my dog if I kick it. /ifywim

Again:

I am BEGGING, if you have even a euro or dollar or whatever to spare, please help me.

https://www.paypal.me/percygranate

(paypal also uses my deadname, so please ignore that)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Helping Hand 7

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of divorce, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Jonathan Pine, 40s reader

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You sit in the sterile waiting room, slouched like a guilty dog as you stare at your scuffed work shoes and cradle your arm. It feels heavier by the moment, the tenderness only growing, and a regrettable crack sounds as you try to shift it. You grunt and teethe down on your pain. Jonathan looks at you but says nothing.

It feels surreal, sitting there beside him, waiting on a doctor. This isn't how you saw your day going. But when did anything in your life go to plan? Twenty years of marriage flushed away for a younger woman and a midlife crises. Working a job meant for college students in your forties. It's all going just so spectacularly.

Your name is called before you can sink any further into self-pity. You get up but Jonathan doesn't follow. You're happy for that at least. He at least is aware of some boundaries.

It's a small office with only a few doctors. You're put in the room to wait some more and when the physician enters, she introduces herself as Dr. Marguerite Garcia. You try to smile and return her basic niceties. It's hard to focus on anything but the agony. She checks your chart and verifies your history before asking questions about your injury.

She nods and sets down her clipboard. "Do you mind if I do some tests? I'll need to feel your shoulder and move your arm."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm pretty sure it's just a pulled muscle," you explain.

"Sure, but we should make sure," she nears and you sit up.

She lifts your arm and you squeak. She moves it slowly at different angles, feeling around your shoulders and back, then along your neck. Your eyes fill with tears by the time she lets you put your arm down.

"It would appear like a torn rotator cuff. I could send you for imaging to be sure but I'm fairly certain," she grabs the chart again.

"Really? What does that mean?"

"We won't go straight to surgery. Right now, we'll start with the basics; rest, ice, and physical therapy. I will have some exercises printed out for you to do, along with a link where you can find videos. If you like, I can write a referral to a therapist." She continues as she scribbles with her pen, "I'll send you off with some painkillers as well. You seem like you need the relief."

"Oh, thank you," you smile.

"And I'll get you into a sling. Just for a few days to take some of the pressure off."

"A sling?"

"It shouldn't be too much and it'll be a reminder for you to not use that arm," she girds. "Let me just go get that script filled and I'll have the nurse come fit you."

"Sure," you accept as you look down. Great, a prescription, how much is that going to cost you? And you highly doubt they're giving the slings away for free. Just another expense, just another step backwards.

💙

You get the bottle of pills before the nurse sees you. You take one for good measure as the throbbing overwhelms every other sense. Finally with your arm confined and a pocket full of painkillers, you're free to leave the office.

As you come out into the waiting room, Jonathan stands at the counter. He tucks something into his jacket pocket as he faces you.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Um, I think I have to pay for--"

"Already done," he interjects, "better get you home so you can rest."

"You paid? You didn't have to--"

"Please, it is nothing," he waves you off, "come. I'm sure all you want to do is lay down."

He isn't wrong and you're all out of energy. You're not going to argue with another man that day. You're going to let the pills kick in and leave the world behind.

You let him lead you outside and he opens the car door for you. You're not sure it's any sort of gallant behaviour, rather practical as you are down to a single arm. You get in and awkwardly pull the seat belt across you.

He closes the door as you jam the buckle into place and sit back with a sigh. You shut your eyes. You just can't wait to be home. Alone.

You sense the shift of weight as he gets in on the driver's side. He starts the engine as you stifle a yawn behind your lips and open your eyes, a swimming wobbliness in your vision. The pills are hitting harder than you expected. Well, you hadn't eaten much, just coffee and maybe half a cracker.

"You alright?" He asks as the car rolls into motion and you open your eyes.

"Great," you grumble and let your eyelids droop as your head drifts towards the window. "Tired..."

You watch the buildings pass, other cars stopping and skimming by. You lose yourself in the lazy traffic and the dimming blueness of the sky. Your lashes sink further and further, until they meet, and that hot fuzziness coaxes them together. The pain in your shoulder dulls, barely tugging at your consciousness as it fades away.

[princesselise]

haha so i was getting ready to post my official service dog fundraiser but smth more urgent has come up. i had a severe medical event today (10+ seizures in 2 hours!) and when i went to the er i was lied to, manhandled, physically assaulted, gaslit beyond fucking belief, and severely endangered by the staffs actions. there was another victim, a close friend of mine having a concurrent medical emergency, and several close friends were witnesses and were also lied to and threatened by the staff.

we were both denied advocates, something we are entitled to under HIPAA, doubly damning because we were both incapacitated and unable to communicate with staff and they refused to engage with our advocates or allow them entry to the building.

we are both going to need additional therapy to cope with these events and we intend to pursue legal action against the hospital. anything you can spare to help cover those costs would mean the world to us. ill have more info later but we are just in survival mode rn

for now, my venmo and ko-fi are both @peachcandiz

[copperbadge]

Radio Free Monday

Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

Ways to Give:

Anon linked to a fundraiser for littlestpersimmon, an indigenous trans man who has struggled to support himself and his family this year and has been taking commissions to cover the gap. You can check out some of his work here and read more and find commission/giving information here.

Anon linked to a fundraiser for Nisha, whose father was recently hospitalized with a brain infection and now has neurological issues that require a home nurse, as well as new medications and physical therapy; Nisha has had to stop working to help care for him. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

coffeecocoatea-me linked to a fundraiser for a friend, actor and audiobook narrator Umi Markkanen, whose cat Blondie recently had to go to the emergency vet for sudden health complications; they had thought her pet insurance was current but it had been cancelled in October despite ongoing payments. You can read more and give to the fundraiser here.

Malcolmschmitz recently rescued an older kitten from a parking lot, and is fundraising to cover the unexpected costs that go along with rescue, including food and litter, rideshares to get the kitten to a foster home, and other expenses. As part of his fundraising, you can purchase a copy of his new book "The Cats and the Cockatrice", a novella about a plague doctor veterinarian and unruly cats. You can read more and reblog here or purchase the book here.

Anon linked to a fundraiser for bakchang, whose cat Ellis just had cleft lip surgery; he's recovering nicely but the surgery was costly, and they're hoping to raise some funds to help cover it. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here or give through Venmo at lucifer_mp3 or Cashapp at $lucifermp3.

Anon linked to the St. Louis Zoo and its Zoo Parents program, which allows you to "adopt" an animal to help pay for its care and feeding. They're recommending support to adopt an Hellbender, under "Reptiles and Amphibians" at the adoption link. Adopters' names do appear on the website but you can designate that you wish to be anonymous.

Recurring Needs:

thegeeksqueaks is a high school science teacher (who has fundraised previously for supplies and comfort items for her students, particularly her neurodivergent and queer students) who has been seeking a diagnosis for ongoing migraines, vertigo, and head pain for most of the year; she now has a diagnosis and a procedure date, but needs to raise $1.5K to cover the post-insurance payment estimate. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here, give via Paypal here, and give via Venmo here.

rilee16 is raising funds to cover utilities, to afford medication and possibly an upcoming move without local support; they've also had expenses related to a recent incident where their roommate, who has been a problem for some time, got violent and the police got involved, and for their own safety they've had to stay elsewhere at times. Currently they are dealing with a shorted paycheck and an overdraft because of it. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

gwydion linked to a fundraiser for a friend, whose dog Rosie needs medical care, dental work, and special food; you can read more and give here at gofundme.

And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

[nyaagolor]

I was thinking about the SV rivals and their first pokemon (pokespe manga does a lot with a character's first pokemon and it's one of my favorite things about it). I like to think that for all three of them, their first pokemon came from their parents and kinda reflects their relationship in a way

Arven got Maschiff from his parents after they got a ton of money from the Tera Orb patent thing (the pokemon was the first thing they bought). Even tho their actions showed that they cared about their research more than him, Arven was always at the forefront of their minds, their love and care for him being the driving motivator behind everything they did. Arven's Maschiff (named Buddy) is the physical representation of their love for him and the ways they tried (and mostly failed) to show it to him. By contrast, Arven's relationship to Buddy represents the ways Arven is grappling with his relationship with his parents-- rejecting traditional notions of gratitude and care for family in favor of loving those who were present and spent quality time with him. Arven values that far more than blood relations, and ultimately puts value in the actions of those close to him, not their words. Tldr breaking up with my parents now my dog is my new guardian

Nemona got Pawmi from her parents, though they weren't actually there to give it to her. She's somewhat aware of the fact that this pokemon cost a LOT of money, as Pawmi (named Níspero after a tiny yellow fruit) is a trained physical therapy pokemon intended to alleviate the pain from Nemona's nerve-damaged arm. He was definitely never intended to be a battler for her. But ultimately, when it boiled down to it, Nemona was willing to take or refuse her parent's gifts in ways that actually suited her, training the pokemon to champion status. She loves them, but is more than ok with stepping around and over their intentions and expectations for her to chase the dreams that ring true to who she is. It's both a show of how Nemona takes her parents' absence in stride, but also in the ways that their distance means they don't understand her at all

Penny got her main Veevee (calling her Mewmew) from her dad (Peony) after she came out to him as trans. Peony is a huge gift giver and very big on elaborate shows of affection, so after Penny came out to him he wanted to make sure she ABSOLUTELY knew how much he loved and supported her. She came home one day to find a female Eevee on her desk with a big pink ribbon around her neck and a card attached that had the catchphrase of her favorite magical girl on it in her dad's distinct cursive. "Shine Bright Like the Starry Sky and be who you want to be! Love, Dad <3". This is the Eevee that Penny ultimately evolved into Sylveon, who can only evolve thorugh ~love~, representing how even though she grumbles about her dad's overbearing nature, she is really grateful that she has someone like that in her life and loves him lots (whether or not she'll say it out loud)

[bluewonderer]

Hi! For those of you who don't know, I'm Becca. The same one mentioned above. ⬆️

I know I normally only reblog on here, but I'm hoping you'll hear me out. Hasi (@hussyknee), my sweet friend, my fandom wife, my comfort and my cheerleader, needs some urgent care. Please help me help her.

If you'll please take a moment to read through the link (text also copied and pasted below) and consider donating, I would really appreciate it. If you cannot donate, please consider reblogging to help spread the word.

Thank you so much ❤️

. . .

Hasi, my beloved friend, needs a lifeline.

For a little over two years, I’ve only been able to watch from half a world away as my friend is crushed without reprieve. I’ve watched her living situation become hostile as her mental and physical health deteriorated. I’ve watched her withdraw for weeks at a time as she tried to put every last scrap of her energy toward basic survival.

I’m watching her now as she’s giving up hope. As she’s deciding that the only solution to her struggle is a permanent one. I’m watching her make preparations for it.

And now I’m asking for help, because I don’t want to lose my friend.

Hasini (35) lives in Sri Lanka. She has struggled with mental illness for 15 years, and with chronic physical illness for 10 years. Even though she’s been passionate about learning from a young age and is a talented writer and debator, she fell ill during her second year of her dream program in anthropology and was forced to drop out. She later became beridden with ulcerative colitis immediately after her marriage, and was diagnosed only 7 years later (at age 31). Because of the lack of adequate care, treatment resources, and family support, she was only able to get diagnoses for Complex PTSD and bipolar at age 29 and ADHD at 32.

Her dogs had been her comfort during her years of isolation and illness, but when her marriage disintegrated in 2020, she had to leave them behing and return to her surviving parent and intellectually disabled brother. Her mother is now a pensioner, and won’t be able to support them much longer.

I cannot emphasize enough how toxic this situation is for her. She has developed arthritis and worsening colitis flares due to the stress of her divorce and the retraumatizing environment of her family. This was made exponentially worse when the 2022 Sri Lankan Economic Crisis plunged her country into chaos. With the cost of living skyrocketing, the prices of her medications have more than doubled. She has had to stop therapy and choose which of her doctors to visit. Government hospitals are free, but her mobility has been further restricted by a back injury and transport costs are prohibitive. Most of her friends don’t live in the same country.

Although she has experienced suicidality before, she has found lifelines in rescuing animals, learning and blogging about social justice, and cultivating friends across different continents. Before the pandemic, she’d been well enough to take on a part time job for the first time. She also began to pursue a community college degree that she’s again had to put on hold.

All Hasi wants is to be well enough to work. With work, she would have the means to live away from her family, continue her studies, and help rescue animals however she can.

Her panic attacks and PTSD episodes have been escalating by the day, and it’s imperative that she’s admitted to a hospital for psychiatric care. Her doctor arranged for her to be admitted to a free government hospital, but due to the Sri Lankan national crisis-spawned overcrowding and poor conditions, she became more profoundly stressed.

We hope to raise enough money to admit her to a private hospital. We also want to get her consistent access to therapy, so that her emergency treatment could lead to more long-term, life-affirming solutions.

Her initial emergency care and immediate treatment may come to approx USD 300. We also want to raise enough money for her medication (USD 300), therapy (USD 100), and doctor’s fees (USD 200) for the next five months, as well as money for medical investigation for her back injury (USD 100).

She doesn’t want to lose her dreams, and I don’t want to lose her. We met six years ago and I would be a different person without her. Less confident, less loving, and less curious.

Without her, the world would be a bleaker place.

Please help her.

Thank you for reading and for donating.

[citylighten]

Break and fear for Pietro 🤔👀

Break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

So, here's the thing about Pietro: when he was a kid his father frequently physically abused him and belittled him. He could never do anything right in his father's eyes. This led to him having severe low self-esteem as a child and often he wondered why he wasn't loved because he was a very tame, slightly nervous, introverted child. Eventually as a teenager, the result of so many beatings and cruel remarks led to him snapping and in that moment?

Pietro saw nothing but black as he knocked his father out with a lamp. To this day his father refuses to talk to him, his sister is far more empathetic but to know your little brother is capable of such rage is frightening and always lives in the back of your mind as something to avoid or try to subdue.

There were a few more moments, when Pietro was a petty con artist/gigolo where he got into similar brutal situations like this. It typically stemmed from the feeling his life or safety was at stake. Pietro doesn't like feeling like he's out of control of his emotions, he truly feels like that wrath is an out of body experience and therapy has helped him find coping mechanisms to avoid any accidents.

But, there are still exceptions to Pietro absolutely losing his cool and breaking. And that's if you harm his dog or harm Rosaria. Fredo and Rosaria are two people he genuinely cares for, outside of himself, and unfortunately he finds himself identifying with the exploitation Rosaria faces with Raphael, which amplifies his need to protect her.

Fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

So, I don't depict this in Sink or Swim at all, but Pietro really is a religious person and he has certain deep paranoias about improper religious conduct. He believes you will be cursed for claiming yourself to be higher than God, he believes that horror movies like The Omen or The Exorcist invite demonic thoughts into your mind, and he doesn't like God-related jokes because he feels like that's inviting trouble. In fact, while I'm on this topic, Pietro absolutely believes in Sicilian curses and the evil eye. He is vocal about how he would like to avoid these things at all costs.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!!

im gonna rant at you for a bit if you dont mind :)

Im a minor that lives in a super tight night, close minded community. Super religious, super homophobic transphobic ect. Seeing as im a teenage girl whose questioning their gender and is definitely attracted to women thats kinda problematic lols. Honestly idek how to explain the situation without a bunch of details, but basically, theres a fifty-fifty chance of me being sent to conversion therapy or just cut off from any internet access (and i mean ANY. i have a flip phone for fucks sake.)if my fam finds out im queer, i have no support system outside of some internet friends who know nothing about my situation, and within the next few years(so like once i turn 20ish, thats in like 4 years but whatever) my family is going to expect me to get married to a man and start popping out babies asap. Btw thats whats expected of me in this community, marriage under the age of 25, have like as many kids as physically possible and god forbid higher education. And im not okay with that . Ffs i want to go to college, major in fine arts, meet a person i like and fall desperately in love or maybe not just have a bunch of close platonic relationships i want cats and a dog and a cute studio in a big city where i can dye my hair whatever color i want aand get an obsene amount of piercings, i want to wear pants!! I just want to live. Without expectations or limits or people who love me hating everything they dont know about me. Is that truly so much to ask for?

And im incredibly dramatic cuz i literally have the dream life. My family loves me, my parents are upper middle class, theyve never hurt me before(besides for all the anti everything rants haha) i literally have a full sized bed, which for some reason i see as the peak of being spoiled idk why. I go to school, not even public, a private religious school that prob costs thousands of dollars, i have friends(who are all part of this community btw and id bet my entire savings that most of them think gay is only a word that ppl use to mean happy lol) close ones even!! I have adorable neices and nephews(my 3 sisters all were married by the age of 20, so i have 11 niecesand nephews while my oldest sister is 31) im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out. No hope of college to get on my feet and find someway out, no people that'll help me fucking run away or some bullshit like that, hell ive considered it and then felt like shit, cuz what am i even running from? Im probably attracted to men it wont kill me to marry one. And i like kids, i wouldnt mind having any either. But.... i dont want to be trapped anymore. Cuz ill be honest thats what i am.if some one asked me to run away with them rn i would, no hesitation.

God im a mess😭😭 anyway this was me ranting in my notes app, im just apologizing for dumping this on a complete stranger(we're moots actually!!) albeit a very kind one :) i dont know what im looking for, but ill take whatever your comfortable giving ig.

I love and appreciate you<333

And hey this has been oddly cathartic so lmk if its okay for me to do this again sometime :))

"im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out."

Hon, you're not living the dream life...there's a difference between financial privilege and being happy, you know? It's pretty clear that this isn't what you want.

I'm not sure if you're asking for my advice here, or if you just want to vent. But I care about you, and if you want me to research some things to try to help you, I'm more than willing to (that way it's not on your search history.) Just say the word!

Until then, you are ALWAYS allowed to vent to me.

I'm naming you venting anon in case you write again!

[knifebun]

hi! i'm doing this for my friend Magda, a fellow dog trainer and a forever foster home for many unadoptable dogs. please note english is not my first language, so my translation might be a little wonky.

Lusia is a 4 year old dog adopted from Pionkowskie Towarzystwo Opieki nad Zwierzętami after she was taken away from their previous owners. due to negligence, she was born with malformations due to malnutrition. the list of her problems is long: hypoplasia or lower jaw and teeth, lack of enamel on teeth, malformed urethra causing incontinence and recurrent infections, and allergy to pollens and mold. the most problematic are her hind legs.

long bones (femurs and tibias) in her legs are rotated, which caused shallow placement of left hip, patellar luxation (left leg 3rd degree, right leg 2nd degree, in both PL is to the inside, which is a rarity in dogs) and hock sprains; due to her cow-hocked gait, she developed osteoarthritis in her knees. she also has easty-westy front paws. as a pup she was barely moving, suffering from contractures and muscular dystrophy - due to rehabilitation this has been fixed, though she still has contractures in her hind legs.

1.12.2022 Lusia has undergone a tibial osteotomy and transposition of ACL in right knee. there were complications, but she has undergone two full cycles of physical therapy.

11.05.2023 Lusia has undergone tibial osteotomy, ACL transposition, and femoral trochleaplasty in left leg. since this leg's state was worse, this was much more complicated.

Right now Lusia needs physical therapy asap. contractures, stiffness, roached back as a compensatory posture appeared. the surgery costs have been covered by now, so it's a matter of paying for the physical therapy to make sure everything is healing right.

>link to the fundraising site<

>link to Psiosfera on instagram, where you can learn more about Lusia and Magda's other dogs<

unfortunately you can't pay with paypal, but there are other means available. you can only pay in zł, 1 USD is roughly 4 PLN. if you have any questions, feel free to ask, i'll try my best to answer.

if you send me proof of donating at least 15 zł (~3,70 USD), i'll draw a small thank-you doodle of your pet, or character of your choice :)

[mcalhenwrites]

I am still alive but have no spoons to directly reply to anyone right now. I'm working on stuff with roommate and therapy, but... unless the money situation improves, my life won't. There are no good days to return to. The problem is, I have a collective 39 years that have added to nothing. And I have still tried to be optimistic. To work through the chronic pain to write, work, and be there for my friends when they need me. (But it all gets harder the more time that passes.) When people still say I'm a good friend, I'm baffled. I don't see it. My writing isn't working out. I need it to, or I will not survive financially, and it just seems a little cruel to ask me to hold out and hold out for something that's never going to happen - all so I can die the hardest possible way in the end, bc I fought like hell to still be at the bottom. I'm not currently suicidal, but I'm pretty much just going day-by-day, trying to find improvements and realizing it all comes down to the same issue: I have no money. And the issue isn't "fix health to work more at a job that isn't writing" - I can manage fibromyalgia and IBS, and the latter costs money to obtain the correct food to do so. I qualify for medicaid; I don't qualify for food assistance now that I work a job! I quit crochet and people threw a tantrum, and if you want to see my self-defensive "I CANNOT DO THIS AND WILL NOT AND FUCK OFF" as a tantrum... go ahead. I do not give a fuck. I love writing. I did it even when I knew it was awful, bc I figured the more I did it, the more I would improve. I worked hard. It just isn't good enough for the world. That's okay. I have always been a loser at everything. Everything ties back to writing: I need to do it for my comfort and therapy. I want my stories out there bc I want to be able to offer other people that comfort. Too many of us come from abusive households, and some of us had it shape our mental health and our sexualities. I need to publish to make money to survive, bc I can write while bedridden. I can write while most of my body is sore and my eyes are half-closed and I'm bored but unable to play games or read or clean or anything else due to physical pain/exhaustion. (And yes, there are times writing is also impossible, and I'm crying in bed bc of the pain intensity levels.) Unless you have a chronic pain issue coupled with comorbidities, I don't want your lectures or assumptions. I don't want to hear that there is "help" while I watched the system try to push my autistic brother into a goodwill job that falls below min wage, and when he wasn't able to handle the responsibilities, they've basically refused to help him otherwise. Even though my brother is capable of many things, he is "disabled" in the system, and they want to insert him into a fixed situation they put all disabled people. I'm doing better than him financially, but when my parents go, he has no one. And I can't be that person, ever. I can't even get my dog back right now. I can barely afford to visit him, but I'm going to anyway soon bc I need to hug him or I really will fucking off myself. I need a lot of support to get my writing off the ground, and I'm never going to deserve it. If I did, it would have happened by now. My roommate wants me to keep trying, but... I don't have hope it'll work out. Right now, I'm so overworked I can barely get any writing done. And I'm working about 15 hours a week. At a low-demand job where I sit most of the time, and cleaning maybe takes 40 minutes at its WORST. Yeah. I'm pathetic indeed. I can't help but feel that way. And when I give myself a little treat to survive the next day, it's at a steep cost to my future. I can buy a book and go to the library, but at the end of the day, that's all time and money that should have been spent on work and saving. Life is punishing, and I just don't know if I can keep being punished. I'm not even this kind of masochist lol

[rakubalka]

The Agrippa family and their place in the world

We're starting with the biggest difference between canon and this au for them .

And that is ...

The Agrippa have always or at least as long as their family history goes been doctors . Some of the best doctors in the world at that .

The family is also noble and at first part of Spade but later moved to Clover for one reason or another . They do still keep their faith in the God/Goddess of the Earth , it does make their interactions with the Wind Church somewhat cold .

Because of the Agrippa strong genes in their mana element aka poison , there have been consequences in how they interact with the world and even themselves .

For example all Agrippa by blood have such godly level perfected mana control by their adulthood that they can interact with the outside world by then . Which is amazing in itself because if I were to equate for it to be understood by us it's like willingly keeping a blindfold on your eyes all your life so that your eyes witch can kill everyone and everything you see be incapable to do so .

And while they do get a godly level of control by the time of adulthood the same can't be said while they are kids and with accidents happening almost all Agrippa have scars from their childhood no matter how much their family tries to protect and heal them .

An example of those scars can be seen in Gordon and him being almost made permanently mute because of an incident that happened when he was like 9 and which in all honesty would have made him mute if not for much effort both he himself and his family put into his therapy . Part of the reason why Gordon became such a chatterbox despite his very weak voice is because of his mom who didn't want her son to have to suffer the same scars as herself and to have to give away his voice . The most common scars in the family for those interested is actually face paralysis as seen in his sister and grandmother . His father doesn't suffer from those scars as he isn't Agrippa by blood , he married into the family .

Of course there are some things that are just family traits . Like very delicate skin , which is why they wear make up and the reason for their style of clothes aka head to toes in clothest with less skin being better .

Fun fact for the make up . The reason it's the way it is is because of a mythical animal from their family archive named panda which was known for their cuteness with the Agrippa decided to copy as a sign of their mostly pacifist nature . It did not work but at least it got Yami a laugh or two from it . The make up does also work as a claim of sorts for all the members blood or no blood , like a giant sing saying "fuck with them and we will fuck you up" it works perfectly .

Also the Agrippa do have some ties with devils . Which isn't all that surprising seeing that their closest cousin noble family technically speaking is the Zogratis .

But they do have a devil that the whole family has a contract with , and that devil is none other than the family dog/cat/whatever it fells like at the moment . The reason the contract being made was purely because the Agrippa wanted a family pet that they won't accidentally kill which is why they summoned a devil with the capabilities to withstand poison . They were expecting a mid level devil who they were going to need to beat into submission every generation or so . Instead they got a bottom low level devil with poison immunity magic whose bottom line is to not be under physical violence more than once every week . Needless to say both sides got what they wanted and way more for what they consider way less cost . After all the Agrippa got a family pet who is immune to all types of poison who also likes to changes how it looks every so often to something else even if the dog form is favourite and they don't even have to go into battle every time they need to renew the contact . The devil on the other hand gets to be out of hell , gets to be in the human world so there is always something interesting going on , is no longer under any abuse and even gets a very loving family even if he has to say goodbye to them every generation , but at least he also gets to say hello to the new family members and by protecting them also honor the memories of friends that can no longer be seen .

Also for those curious the Agrippa are a matriarchy with the girls being more likely but not necessary to get the position of head of the family . This is mostly because of the fact that because of their mana element most Agrippa have problems conceiving in the fists place and in another because even if they do conceive the chances of something going wrong with non-Agrippa women is almost guaranteed because of the again poison element as the fetus has absolutely no control over their mana making it almost a guaranteed to poison their surrounding especially their mother(or who happeness to carry them) .