#doesn’t mean he couldn’t have figured it out through the narrative if interpretation wasn’t meant to be a part of it

[haedia]

It's entirely possible that his original writer had this in mind for him. So I don't want to think the comments are a blatant attempt at a retcon (especially when the person that asked could see some of themselves in him and that's why they asked). But it doesn't feel great.

And portions of the fandom that just cannot handle people being frustrated with it aren't helping. Like, hey, fellow Lucanis enjoyers? It's actually really shitty to reductively engage with frustrations some have with how Lucanis is clearly missing content as people crying about not getting more sexy scenes with him.

The missing content here isn't the storyboarded bits in the artbook.

He's just not as finished as the other companions.

His romance banter and scenes with Neve are glaring examples of the disconnect though. Like, his writing is just inconsistent between the two romances. To the point that he almost feels like a different character and that's not great either. (And, since some fans are weird about criticism of that as well, I feel like I have to put a disclaimer here: I love Neve! She's great! When I don't romance either of them, I'm glad they can find each other! Those feelings don't change my frustration with the previously stated issues!)

I remember seeing a post about the differences between the kinds and intensity of the relationships between him+Rook and him+Neve and I really liked the comparison (and it resonated with what I think they were intending for him more) but we still needed to see more of that develop. As-is we're left to fill in the blanks way more than we should.

And hey, gonna get real here: I'm demisexual. My complaints about the Lucanis romance aren't me misunderstanding demisexuality. Like, no, I get being demi. I am on that spectrum. But like, Veilguard isn't very good at subtlety in character stuff. And we had confirmation of this game not featuring acespec romances, since they wanted to do it right or whatever. Those facts, adding in with how incomplete he feels...well, again it's not great. Hence the frustration.

Related to Lucanis being demi, though: Demisexuality is broad, and there's a lot of room to play in that representation box, both in terms of representation in media and in how fans express that in fanworks.

Been seeing a lot of criticism of how fans interpret Lucanis in fanworks, as if he should only be depicted in specific ways, as if demisexuality is rigid in how it can be expressed. Which is bullshit.

If you like interpreting Lucanis a more sex-repulsed or sex-averse or some variation of not as down to be intimate, cool fine. Do that and enjoy works that feature him that way. But there are plenty of demisexual people that have sex drives and once they're locked in with their person, it's go time. Just that, outside of that relationship (or relationships if polyamorous), it's not really there. And this may blow some minds but demisexual people can be into/have kinks! They're not mutually exclusive! (The number of demi and other acespec people I know in the kink community is just a lot. But that's a digression for another day)

Anyway.

There was room for Lucanis to explore his identity with Rook (romanced or not) in the game. He may not have the terms for it but he would know he's different. Like, I didn't have the label for me being agender until I was probably in my twenties? But I knew back in elementary school. Demisexuality was a similar situation. I knew in middle school but didn't have a term until much later.

The fact that we have none of that with him, though, both sucks and is glaring. It should be more explicit in the text, both for representation purposes and for more depth for his character.

Without it, it just feels like a half-written mess with a sprinkling of "Oh yeah, we totally did that on purpose", which again: not great!

I openly accept any corrections, especially from actual Lucanis fans or demisexuals. If you disagree with anything I say this point onwards, please tell me!

The way Lucanis went from "bisexual disaster " to "panromantic demisexual" after the game came out feels weird (Both are direct quotes about Lucanis from Mary Kirby). Before I get into this I'd like to clarify, neither is a problem, Lucanis being demisexual in a vacuum is not what I take issue with.

But it feels like another excuse. Being demisexual means something it's not just another word for inexperienced or hesitant. If Lucanis is demisexual why does he fall for Neve or Rook nearly just as fast as any other companion does and why does he never acknowledge that?

There are many hints that he's never dated before (not sure if it's ever outrught stated), and again, he is shown to be hesitant... but nothing uniquely in the direction of demisexuality.

This game clearly isn't afraid of using real terms (it has an entire codex going over different non-binary labels), so why is this where they draw the line? Why does Lucanis never acknowledge the fact that he requires a deep connection before he feels certain things?

I've seen people call Krem from DA:I bad trans representation because he's never called transgender, which I respectfully disagree with. Still, Krem is explicitly trans and then Lucanis's demisexual coding is just... pulling away before you can kiss? It doesn't help that the scene happens after something that would definitely explain why Lucanis would need to clear his head.

That's also paired with the fact we do get told constantly that he's traumatised and he mentions having little faith in people prior to his romance (at least with Neve). This isn't to say he can't be demisexual, not at all, but there's always an explanation for his behaviour that people would think of before demisexuality and there's no effort put in to otherwise lead us to it.

For a game that is on the nose about everything, I find it hard to give them the benefit of the doubt that this was the one thing they handled with subtlety.

Best case scenario, Mark Kirby was just trying to... I don't know, set up expectations to defy them? Worst case scenario, this is just another case of someone from Bioware lying to us about this damn game.

[amwritingmeta]

15x20: Oh fuck it’s actually really good. Dammit Dabb.

So I slept. And waking up the first thought in my head was... but there is this open ending with them all in Heaven and Cas not a stated angel even, just a helper to Jack...

And then I felt the need to watch the episode again. Because of how I’ve said, perhaps not for always, but often enough, that this show of ours was never about Destiel, was never about Dean and Cas’ love story, and beginning to hope that the ending would be focused on them... it wasn’t fair. Not really. And I remembered reading somewhere that a big chunk of the internet accepted Cas’ death as final, and seeing posts to that effect and thinking LUDICROUS and NO WAY and knowing all along that it could all be denial on my part.

And oh boy was it. 

I know there were plenty of us who kept that hope alive, and I’m thankful for you, but I made myself believe that he’d be back because I couldn’t imagine he’d die like that, or that the love story would end unreciprocated like that. And I guess, in a way, it still did, BUT... in another way, it really didn’t. 

It’s not enough. Subtext is not the representation I’ve always hoped for, but it wasn’t just erased either. And we got as much as we could get, because obviously Dean being textually bi and us getting an I Love You out of him was just never going to get green lit by the studio.

I’ve always believed the writers would’ve gone there if allowed. I think Cas’ love declaration underlines that they would’ve. But they weren’t given the opportunity, and I’ll lament it until the end of time, but it is what is.

What we did get, though, is quite beautiful. No, listen, IT IS.

There’s the emotional substitute Miracle Dog, getting so much LOVE from Dean, which I know most of us all went the big awwww at, no matter what we thought of the rest of the ep. 

There’s the healthy way Dean is dealing with the loss of Cas, and of Jack, knowing that pain will never go away, and accepting it. Accepting it because he’s feeling worthy of moving on without them. He’s no longer attaching his self-image to the perceived failure of protecting others. He’s letting them go, believing that they may meet somewhere further down the road.

But looking at the finale for what it is, rather than for what I wanted it to be (cardinal sin omfg my emotions really ran away with me and I wish I could’ve been more level headed and come on here with this positivity and calm) (but) (no dice) (anyway) it’s just beautiful how Cas is in the background, not waiting, not really, because he’s busy preparing Heaven and fixing his home in ways that will actually mean peace AND freedom when the brothers are done.

Something Cas would not have been able to do if he’d not fallen in love with Dean. If he’d not gone through his journey. I mean. Those implications are highly satisfying. 

Last night all I could think, ALL I could think, was that it’s not ENOUGH.

But it has to be. Because it’s not dismissive. It’s not erasing anything. It’s the same subtextual thread we’ve always been pulling on, and it’s there for us to continue to pull on, and that’s a goddamn gift.

I wish that 15x18 hadn’t been quite so in our face “kill your gays” buuuuuuuut that’s if you’re surface watching, yeah? Cas isn’t dead, for starters, and everyone was, obviously, brought back when Jack took Chuck’s power, so even if it wasn’t visually established that Stevie and Charlie are back and thriving, it’s narrative fact that they must be. What it is, more than anything else, is what I read it as to begin with: a love letter to the love story, where we get the subtext of couples loosing each other so strongly stated that there’s no way we’re not meant to understand that Dean losing Cas is within that exact same context.

We didn’t get textual Destiel, but we did get the love story textually confirmed through Cas’ declaration, and we did get it subtextually confirmed, not hinted, subtextually confirmed through all those other couples losing each other, that the love story EXISTS there, on that level, for us. 

Oh guys I feel so sad that I was so SAD yesterday. Why didn’t I just take a breath?? Guys, guys, guys, there’s such BEAUTY.

And Jensen.

Jensen in how he played that death scene. Jensen who kept it so even, so gentle, so... brotherly. These brothers have been through hell. Dean ending this way... it’s a travesty, but it also means he meant to go to the place where he doesn’t have to hope to see Cas again--because he will see Cas again.

And why didn’t Cas come right back to Dean once he was out of the Empty, why did he go off with Jack to fix Heaven?

I would say that it’s another underlining of Cas’ independence, and this his entire focus isn’t Dean, but, of course, I would assume the thought of Dean is ever present, and the rearranging of Heaven is as much about making sure Dean gets that freedom, as well as that peace, once he’s done as it is about Cas simply not being able to stand for souls being trapped in their memories anymore. Cas knows how to fix Heaven. I mean... that’s a fucking gorgeous and highly satisfying ending to his individual arc. And he’s with Jack!

Like. I mean. That implication that Cas is fixing Heaven with Dean at the back of his mind is quite head-exploding to me. And yeah, sure, that’s how I’m interpreting it, but all the ingredients for that delicious pie is left right there for us in this ending.

What about the legacy issue? What about found family? What about Dean finding happiness in death? What about Dean opening himself up to love?

Yeah, it’s not without issues, depending on how we interpret these things. Do I believe Dabb set out to write an offensive, horrifying, deeply problematic ending to this show and pretty much hand it over to the side of this fandom that has always been the... well, shall we say, less stabile? 

No. I kept saying yesterday that I just didn’t understand what happened, I didn’t understand why our writers room would choose THIS ending, I couldn’t fit the pieces together. That was on me, not on them. Get me?

Interpretation is deeply subjective. It’s personal. And it’s tainted. Always tainted, guys, and there’s no way around that. It’s not perfect and it’s not absolute and all the writers can hope for is that their core message will get across strongly enough to avoid misunderstanding.

I misunderstood the intention yesterday because my interpretation was tainted by what I wanted and felt I needed from this narrative.

For years I’ve refused to put expectation on the story because I know what that does to one’s perspective. It’s futile to engage with hopes and wishes on a deeper level because the show will never deliver exactly what you want. It’s delivered stuff in the ballpark enough times for me to dance alongside it, but to place so much expectation on this finale was just... oh man. Bad. 

I take full responsibility. :)

What about the legacy issue?

The legacy is that you live the best life you can and you end up in happiness, with the people you care about. You LIVE. Nothing about Dean’s death is prescribing dying to get what you want. We have it established that Dean is not suicidal in any way, that he’s mentally stabile and that he’s carrying on without Cas, even though he thinks about him. Not living would make the sacrifice pointless.

What about found family?

Found family was meant to be a part of this ending, but due to COVID (I’m assuming along with everyone) we didn’t get a collection of oldies and goodies at the Roadhouse. We got a father figure to signal the father/son thread that this finale was pulling on, a thread always tied so tightly around Dean and Sam and underlined for us in this episode. The codependency finally broken because they were ready to let each other go. Not forever, because that would’ve been tragic, but for now.

What about Dean finding happiness in death?

The implications of Dean having to die to be happy are quite dark, I know that, but he was never going to hang it up. Not entirely, right? He would never be able to rest on Earth. And he’s always afraid. So instead of spending a lifetime alone, growing into a crusty Bobby (who lost the love of his life too early too), Dean got to go to the place where his happiness actually is. He got to go where Cas is.

I mean, that’s my interpretation here, but rather than set both brothers up with a love life and families and all that, we got a Dean who’s lost the love of his life and is dealing with that loss as best as he can, but who is also ready to go when it’s his time. He wasn’t expecting it to be right then, that day, and he says as much, but he’s ready. As long as Sam is ready to let him go. And Sam isn’t, but he does, and Sam deals with that loss, and finds his way into life and living and loving and happiness in a way that Dean simply wouldn’t have been able to. Because he lost the love of his life.

And Dean waited for Sam to show because of course he would. Sam was the only thing missing: Cas, and Jack, and everyone else Dean has ever loved and cared about, were already in Heaven. For the show to go on, Sam had to return too.

Hope.

That hopeful ending that I, and so many, many of us, have always wanted. Sure, everyone’s DEAD, which, you know, bummer, but they are at peace, they are together, and they are done sacrificing, bleeding and dying. Isn’t that remarkable? Isn’t that the greatest reward? Love and happiness and togetherness. Forever!

And for this fandom, we got what we hoped we’d get, right? An ending open enough for us to keep returning to this narrative over and over and over.

Let me formally apologise for the despair of yesterday. For all of you still feeling it, I send you so much love. Know I understand, I honestly do, but I hope, perhaps, some of these words will offer a sliver of comfort.

So, this is first impression based on second watch of 15x20 positivity. Let me know if anything hits right or hits wrong and let’s talk. <3

[kaialone]

Kirby Planet Robobot Translation Comparison: Before the Final Battle

This will be a comparison of the original Japanese version and the US English localized version.

Specifically, this will cover the last cutscene before the final battle of the game.

You can also watch this cutscene for yourself in English and Japanese.

For the comparison, the usual points apply:

Bolded is the original Japanese text, for the reference.

Bolded and italicized is my translation.

Italicized is the official NOA translation.

A (number) indicates that I have a specific comment to make on that part in the translation notes.

As you read this, please keep in mind that with translations like these, it’s important not to focus on the exact literal wordings, since there is no single “correct answer” when it comes to translations.

Rather than that, consider the actual information that is being conveyed, in which way, and why.

--

Before the Battle With Star Dream:

エリア７ マインド コントロールド バイ ア プログラム Mind controlled by a program

Area 7 Mind Controlled by a Program  (1)

Area 7 Mind in the Program

Secretary Susie:

……まさか こんなことに なっちゃう なんてネ…

...Well, didn't expect THIS to happen...

...This wasn't supposed to happen!

Secretary Susie:

……ぜんっぜん わらえないわ。

...This isn't funny in the slightest.

No! I won't let it!

Secretary Susie:

アタシはね、 星の夢を うばって…

You know, I just wanted to steal Star Dream...

All I wanted was to steal Star Dream!

Secretary Susie:

アイツに ほえづら かかせて、 目を さまさせたい…

I wanted to make him pay, make him come to his senses...

And teach the old man a lesson.

Secretary Susie:

そう、 思ってた だけなのよ。

That was all, really.

Was that too much to ask?

Secretary Susie:

それなのに あんな…

So, why...

Look at this mess...

Secretary Susie:

あんな くるったマシンに ほろぼされちゃ、 たまんないわ！

Why should I let some crazy machine destroy me?!  (2)

I'm not going to stand here and be destroyed by some crazy machine!

Secretary Susie:

…さぁ 乗りなさいよ、 ピンクの ゲンジュウ民。

...Alright, get in, pink native.

...There. Get in, pinky.

Secretary Susie:

このアーマーで、 さっさと あのマシンを…

Take this armor, hurry after that machine...

Take this armor and go!

Secretary Susie:

ぶっこわし ちゃってよね！！

And smash it to pieces!!

Stop that machine!

Secretary Susie:

おねがい…… 星のカービィ。

Please... Kirby of the Stars...

Please... Little pinky!

Secretary Susie:

アイツを………

You have to...

You have to stop it!

Secretary Susie:

アイツを もう… とめて………っ！

You have to... stop him...!  (3)

If anyone can do it, it's you!

Translation Notes:

I’ll go over it in more detail in the section below, but this Area’s title is actually written in English in the Japanese version. Since this is English written from the perspective of Japanese-speakers, it should maybe not be taken exactly literally, which is likely why the official English version changed it slightly.

Since this line is a follow-up of the one before it, I had to translate them a bit loosely so that I could have them match in English as well.

Because of how grammar works in Japanese, the verb in this sentence is originally the final word that is said. Since Susie is also hesitating before saying it, it gives off the impression that she might’ve intended to use a different verb before changing her mind.

--

Comparisons & Thoughts:

This section will be a bit shorter than last time, but there’s still several details I want to go over for a bit.

We have reached the final main story cutscene of the game after all, so even some smaller details here are wrapping up threads that have been present throughout the narrative.

But it’s also going to be more straightforward, as I’ll go through them in the order as they come up in the scene.

-

In the Japanese version, the final Area is called “Mind controlled by a program“, which the English version changed to “Mind in the Program“.

As I mentioned above, we should keep in mind that this Area is literally called “Mind controlled by a program” in English in the Japanese version, so the intended meaning might not be exactly what it appears to be to a native English speaker.

One meaning that comes to mind is “mind-controlled by a program”, so, the state of being mind-controlled or brainwashed by a program.

I do think that’s likely what it’s meant to invoke, alluding to Star Dream’s potential influence on Haltmann, but there might be other aspects to it, too.

For example, one interpretation I have seen from Japanese fans is closer to “mind, controlled by a program”. In other words, a mind or heart that is controlled by a program.

This interpretation is interesting to me, because it can potentially apply to not just Haltmann, but Star Dream as well.

If you look at the story as a whole, a potential “tragedy” of both these characters is that they couldn’t see beyond the “program” and as a result lose themselves in some shape or form.

Or at least, that’s one way I’d put it.

Of course, I can’t say for sure if anything like that was the intention, but I do think it’s likely that the title was supposed to be vague in a way where there could be multiple interpretations.

Because of that, I think it makes sense for the English version to adapt the Area title as “Mind in the Program” rather than keeping it the same.

It’s a bit different, but there’s a similar vagueness to it where it can mean different things depending on how one looks at it.

-

A small detail, but when Susie starts talking to Kirby at the start of this cutscene, the Japanese version has her seemingly talk in a low voice, using a lot of ellipses, making this like a quiet moment of reflection for her, as she gathers her bearings.

And then, the quiet mood is broken by her raising her voice again and going “Why should I let some crazy machine destroy me?!“, shifting the focus back to the problem at hand.

In the English version, the flow is slightly different, with her seemingly starting out with her voice raised, then quieting down as she reflects more on what happened, before raising her voice again.

-

In the Japanese version, Susie says she wanted to "make him pay, make him come to his senses…”, and the English version says she wanted to ”teach the old man a lesson”.

I think the wording of “teaching a lesson” is a good way of combining the idea of “make him pay” and “make him come to his senses” into one phrase.

But the idea of “make him come to his senses” specifically can be a bit less apparent there, making Susie’s intentions less clear to some, from what I’ve seen.

Also for the reference, in the Japanese version Susie refers to Haltmann as アイツ/aitsu here, which can be translated as something like “that guy”, and it’s something that can come off as somewhat rude when used for someone you’re not too familiar with.

The English version probably went for “the old man” to adapt this to allude to that implied familiarity, though it also comes off a bit stronger than the Japanese one.

I think that works well in this case though.

-

Another little thing, but in the Japanese version Susie tells Kirby to go after the machine and “smash it to pieces!!“, while in the English version she just tells him to “Stop that machine!“

So Japanese Susie is slightly more extreme there.

-

As mentioned in previous parts, the Japanese version exclusively had Susie call Kirby either “native” or “pink native” whenever she addressed him.

The pay-off of that trend happens in this cutscene, where Susie finally calls Kirby by his full title, “Kirby of the Stars”, after he’s taken off.

Since this also implies she knew his name all along, her using it now could be a sign of Kirby having earned her respect, or to show that she’s really being genuine here, or something to that effect.

In the English version, the way Susie refers to Kirby has been slightly less consistent, but in this cutscene she simply refers to him as “pinky”.

Kirby doesn’t have a full title in English, so using that wouldn’t be possible, so I think using “pinky” might have been meant to convey her being more casual with Kirby?

But I think they easily could’ve just had her call him “Kirby” in this cutscene, too.

It also doesn’t have the same effect as in Japanese, where she only stops calling him “native” and uses his real name once he’s already taken off, being the last time in the game where she refers to him.

It’s a small detail at the end of the day, but in the Japanese version, this moment is like the figurative cherry on top that closes out Susie’s character and her relationship with Kirby in the main story, so I think it’s a bit of a shame it’s not in the English version in some form.

-

Last point to go over for this cutscene.

In the Japanese version, Susie’s final lines are:

You have to…

You have to… stop him…!

And in the English version, her final lines are:

You have to stop it!

If anyone can do it, it’s you!

First off, in the Japanese version Susie specifically tells Kirby to stop Haltmann, using the same アイツ/aitsu she used to refer to him earlier in the scene, making it clear that’s who she means.

In the English version she’s telling Kirby to stop “it” instead, likely referring to Star Dream, or perhaps just the situation as a whole.

Adding to that, Susie also seems more hesitant in the Japanese version, which leads to an interesting point of speculation.

Like I mentioned in the translation notes, the way Japanese grammar works makes it possible that Susie may have wanted to use another verb first, before changing her mind and settling on “stop”.

Again, this is only speculation, but it feels like Susie may have wanted to say “You have to save him” first, but then stopped herself from saying that.

There’s also another detail to this that didn’t exactly fit the translation notes section, which is that in Japanese, she adds the word もう/mou in her final line, which literally means “already”.

And that basically makes her final line closer to something like “Now you have to stop him” or “At this point, you have to stop him”, but I couldn’t really include that in my translation without sounding awkward in English.

But the point is that this phrasing basically means that Susie is indirectly saying that now there is no other choice left but to stop Haltmann. In other words, it’s too late for anything else to be done.

So, regardless of whether you imagine she wanted to say “You have to save him” first or not, the Japanese version of her lines here has this feeling of resignation to them.

The English version doesn’t really carry that same feeling here.

-

And that’s it for this part.

I have similar feelings about this cutscene like I had about the previous one.

The English version is accurate for the most part as usual, it’s perfectly fine.

But, this late in the game, seeing the various small set-ups from the Japanese version pay off during the climax, whereas they don’t really do the same in English, it does make me feel like the English version is slightly lacking by comparison.

Especially Susie’s final moments in the main story here, where the Japanese version has her seemingly show some vulnerability and be genuine, which doesn’t come across quite as well in the English version.

But that’s just me pointing out the things that bother me slightly, I still think the English localization of this game is very good, as I said before.

Now, this may have been the final main story cutscene, but we still have the extra story to go through, so feel free to check that out in the next part!

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< Previous Part | Start | Next Part >

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[californiannostalgia]

Tangled the Series Character Analysis: Childhood Trauma POV

I can't believe Tangled the Series really created two incredible antivillains and threw them in direct contrast with the pre-existing golden couple. I love what the showrunners did with the main quartet, so I made a very subjective analysis post about it from a Childhood Trauma POV. (Spoilers, obviously.)

The Boys

The series' focus is on Rapunzel, and by association her direct opposite, Cassandra, so the boys get comparatively less screen time. But it doesn't take long to figure out that Varian is meant to be a parallel for Eugene—these are two people dealing with the absence of parental guardians, struggling to reconcile the lives they previously had with their changing ideals in relation to a less-than-perfect Father Figure.

They both respond to the helpless state of being young, alone, and powerless by trying to take back power in any way they can. Eugene reinvented himself and buried his desires for a family. Varian throws in everything he has into recovering what he lost, because he's a child and the best solution he can think of is to return to the familiar safety of his father's presence. A significant portion of his desperation is fueled by fear of his father’s disapproval, because as much as Quirin loves Varian, he wasn’t the dependable voice of support. Varian needs approval from outside sources, which was also Flynn Rider’s purpose in life, once upon a time. (Again, parallels.) 

Throughout the series, the boys' relationship with each other transforms from exasperated incomprehension to easy understanding. The process is hastened as Eugene lets himself realize he cares a lot about troubled kids who remind him of himself. He becomes aware that children should not be required to survive on their own like he and Lance had. Spurred on by his significant other's love and encouragement, Eugene is able to acknowledge the adverse affects of his childhood on his life and start moving on. His extending a ready hand to Varian is his process of healing. Though Eugene's first priority will always be Rapunzel, he truly wants to save Varian from the uncontrollable volatility of risky decisions because he knows that downward spiral intimately.

Of course, there is a difference between thieving from the rich and planning the destruction of a kingdom. We'll get to that later.

The Girls

Rapunzel and Cassandra are the biggest driving forces of narrative power in the show, and they are survivors of child abuse. Every one of the main quartet has Parent Issues, but Rapunzel takes the crown (figuratively speaking) with this one. She was kidnapped and groomed into a life-giving doll, and she was only able to escape her abusive adoptive mother through incredibly traumatizing means. For Cassandra, it was neglect, and even her loving adoptive father couldn't leviate the scars left on her childhood mind.

They're a classic case of Golden Child vs. Scapegoat, which is a common case seen in siblings raised by Narcissistic parents. When one child is "favored" more than the other, the kids experience vastly different childhoods, resulting in resentment that stems from their inability to understand each other. Rapunzel and Cassandra are both jealous of what the other had—Rapunzel wants Cassandra's casual, practiced ease with freedom and personal agency, while Cassandra wants the attention and respect that Rapunzel is given by the status of her birth. Because they're unwilling to speak candidly about the unique hardships of their childhood, what results is a series of miscommunications that put a strain on their friendship.

Cassandra and Rapunzel both want the other in their lives, but how they attempt to make that connection is very different. Cassandra wants to be a helpful, essential force in Rapunzel's life. Unfortunately, Rapunzel has been raised on the idea that when push comes to shove, no one will help her survive. Cassandra interprets Rapunzel's desire for independence as Rapunzel scorning the connection that Cassandra is attempting to create. Add in some manipulation from an ancient evil, and Cassandra decides she is done exhausting her emotions for Rapunzel.

Rapunzel, on the other hand, wants absolute honesty in her relationships. Gothel raised her on lies, so she spurns deception. But Cassandra knows the merits of protecting herself by holding her opinions in, which is where the misunderstandings occur. Rapunzel cannot trust someone who isn't completely forthright with her. She's tired of dealing with liars, and she grows afraid that Cassandra will cause her the same pain as Gothel did. But the thing is, Cassandra is not Gothel, and Rapunzel loved Gothel. She couldn't save Gothel, but maybe she can save Cassandra. It's not too late.

Rapunzel doesn't know when to give up on Cassandra because she is aware that she and Cassandra are similar people. Giving up on Cassandra would feel too much like giving up on her own hopes for a happy life. Rapunzel can't let Cassandra be unhappy. This princess cares too much, loves too hard. She never learned how to write people off because you can't survive a childhood like hers with that much cheer if you don't hang onto your optimism like a goddamn lifeline.

This is Rapunzel’s method of taking back power for herself: saving others. Rapunzel could have been Cassandra. Rapunzel is trying to believe she herself is worth saving—therefore, Cassandra must be worth saving as well. Rapunzel's significant other is giving her a stable source of love and support, but without a proper resolution to Cassandra's struggles—a final proof that despite Gothel's influence, they can both be happy—Rapunzel would feel incomplete.

The Golden Couple

At the end of the day, Rapunzel and Eugene are fundamentally good people. If it comes down to it, they would be unable to sacrifice the world for their own desires. (Eugene's thievery doesn't count as an expression of true desire because it was literally his method of survival. An expression of true, selfish desire for him might've been something like manipulation and abduction for the purposes of making people stay, but Eugene is not Gothel and he would never do that to anyone in a million years.) (On a side note, Rapunzel's selfish desire might've manifested in the abandonment of all duties and personal connections in favor of eternal exploration, or revenge towards a kingdom that failed to save her, or a thorough destruction of authority figures—but she loves people too much and would never be able to forsake her family.)

Life threw a lot of rocks at them, but these two came through it marginally well-adjusted. They affirmed their love for each other in a violent, unforgettable manner, which makes it easier for them to trust in each other's affection. Eugene would've been okay with never finding his biological father, just as Rapunzel had been okay with her biological parents' inability to protect her. They have no wish to punish the world for what they suffered. They’re content with who they are. They're just glad they made it, that they're finally allowed to love someone without being afraid. They're each other's saving grace.

The Antivillains

This is the difference between Hero and Antivillain: Cassandra and Varian are willing to punish the world for what happened to them. There’s a very faint line between justified retaliation and venting. In their desperation and anger, they cross the line, and they’re unable to stop themselves once they get going. Unlike the Golden Couple, Cassandra and Varian refuse to settle. They want what is owed. 

Also, they really, really hate themselves. (This is important.)

Varian believes Quirin is the ultimate source of affirmation. The fact that he lost his father by way of his own dangerous experiment, coupled with the fact that no one prioritizes his call for help in the face of national disaster, is enough to make him feel isolated from the world. Though he is burdened with a growing sense of remorse for his deeds, he doesn’t stop resorting to drastic, harmful measures to get his father back until he is forcefully stopped by betrayal from his allies. He finally makes the full transition from “antagonist” to “protagonist” when Rapunzel risks herself to save Quirin from the rocks. If Quirin could not be saved, there’s a possibility Varian might have stayed an antagonist, unenthusiastic though he may have been in his villainous role. As long as Quirin is trapped in those rocks, Varian remains the villain who put him there.

With Quirin safe, Varian allows himself to take huge steps in healing. He slowly rediscovers his self-worth, one that is separate from Quirin’s approval. Rapunzel—and by extension, Eugene—play the friendly, supportive role to Varian’s ingenuity, helping him along in his quest for self-acceptance. Varian still has trouble working through the heavily ingrained self-hatred, but he recovers enough confidence in his own judgment that he takes Eugene’s warning to heart and is able to install a safety device in his father’s helmet, just in case.

This is the Varian who meets Cassandra in the Tower that once belonged to Gothel. At this point in time, Cassandra has been manipulated into thinking of herself as weak and unimportant in comparison to Rapunzel. Her adoptive father, much like Quirin, was too gruff to be vocal with approvals. Her efforts have not been met with successes. She feels like a failure, and she hates feeling like a failure. This is Cassandra’s method of taking back power: by turning herself into someone unforgettable. If she can make something of herself, she’ll finally be able to prove Gothel wrong. She can be just as special as Rapunzel, if she’s given the chance. She wants that chance.

Similar to Varian, Cassandra doesn’t stop her downward spiral until her supposed ally and mentor betrays her and forcefully takes her power away. Only when there are no options left does she allow herself to admit that she was wrong. She is then rewarded for her honesty with Rapunzel’s love and trust. Armed with a new confidence, the sisters vanquish the evil together in an epic showdown that will long be remembered. Cassandra finally gets her dramatic hero’s tale.

Rapunzel and Eugene have an internal compass that lets them make snap decisions. They don’t have the healthiest self-esteem, but they can at least stand by what they think is right. Comparatively speaking, Cassandra and Varian have terrible self-esteem. They don’t trust their own judgment and are heavily influenced by outside forces. Without the constant barrage of trust and affection from Rapunzel, who is akin to a blazing sun when it comes to personal loyalty, these antivillains might never have reached their redemptive ending. They wouldn’t have been able to let go of their twisted priorities without outside influence. Can’t blame them for it, though.

It’s no surprise that Cassandra and Varian are relatable to many people. Who wouldn’t want to reclaim what was taken from them during childhood? (Of course, the problem occurs when you start hurting others to reclaim what you lost.) Their journey is a different kind of vulnerable from Rapunzel and Eugene’s journey, and it’s extraordinary in its detail. This show is essentially a long exploration of the various ways a parent can mess you up and the coping methods of kids who want to become more than their past, which is totally up my alley of expertise. I’m grateful I got to watch them grow taller than their trauma.

Finally, here’s a parting gif of Lance, because I love him and he’s a well-adjusted ray of sunshine. We all wish we could be as mentally stable as Lance—the main quartet included.

[cardentist]

I’ve talked about how the misconception of hoodie and masky as proxies clashes with the plot of marble hornets before and how the implications of them being interpreted as proxies impacts the themes of tim’s characterization and storyline. (link)  that said, I’ve noticed that even people who Know they aren’t proxies still tend to interpret them as more violent or antagonistic than they really are, sometimes still interpreting them as working for or being controlled by the operator. 

so ! I wrote up a manifesto rambling on about my thoughts on why hoodie and masky come off as more threatening than they actually are, on what the operator’s influence actually is, and on masky’s role is as an alter. I’m putting it under a readmore for length ! so warning for major spoilers under the cut.

as a note, this is all based on my own understanding of the series, I don’t want to have to write “in my opinion” after everything I say so I’m saying it here fjlsdk

but to start with, I wanna address the idea of hoodie and masky (and even alex) being puppeted by the operator.

troy has gone out of his way to state multiple times that there are no proxies in marble hornets specifically to counter the notion that the operator has direct control of the characters’ actions at any point. the operator can affect people’s moods, their perception of reality, but it can’t puppet people’s actions. They’re in control of themselves even if they aren’t thinking clearly or rationally.

compare jay and alex. they were both unmedicated throughout the series (for the most part), and there’s evidence to suggest that jay was affected by the operator all the way back during the marble hornets shoot (he mentions how cold he feels just like tim, and he doesn’t remember alex’s change in behavior in the present at all), but they both were in Very different places mentally. it isn’t fair to just say that alex was more Violent than jay, we didn’t see much of him pre-operator but we were meant to get the idea that he was just a normal guy, but he had a very different reaction to the operator’s influence.

likewise, brian and tim were both taking medication throughout the series and Very Obviously had different reactions to the operator’s influence (brian self isolating and giving into paranoia while tim tried Very hard to live a normal life and get better despite his lack of support).  

if the operator could just control people’s actions then the differences in their personalities and environments wouldn’t have mattered. why bother creating an alter that’s less openly violent than alex was? why leave jay to be self destructive but ultimately harmless when he was vulnerable for so long? if the alters and changes in behavior were caused by a Direct influence by the operator, controlling what they Do rather than just how they feel, then they All should’ve been as murderous as alex was.

personally? I see masky as a protector that stemmed from tim’s childhood trauma. we don’t know exactly what happened for sure, like tim said we’ll never know if what he experienced was the operator or his own schizophrenia or both (or if the difference even matters), but we Do know that from his perspective he was locked in a room with a monster with nowhere to go and with no one to help him. the people who were Supposed to take care of him (his parents, his doctors) were the ones confining him there and he didn’t have anyone else in his life (brian was his first friend). that’s Plenty of reason for DID to occur naturally !

masky’s job as a protector would be to get tim (and the people important to him depending on the situation) away from danger by either fighting or running away, because tim didn’t Have the power to help himself when he needed it. moreover, that’d explain why masky tends to front in response to seizures and being Taken by the operator, it’d be to protect tim from whatever caused the pain (whether it can actually be protected against or not) And to deal with painful memories ! it’s a trauma response because masky exists in response To trauma and tim’s inability to cope with what happened to him on his own

so ! why does masky come off as so intimidating if he’s supposed to be a protector? because he was supposed to ! out of universe, the series was presented out of order with jay getting bits and pieces of what happened to slowly pull together a more complete narrative. hoodie and masky were written to Look like antagonists the first time through (in the same way that alex looked more sympathetic in the beginning), but slowly putting the pieces together makes their actual goals clearer as well as adds context to situations that made them look bad because of how they were presented in release order. this isn’t a failing of the storytelling by any means, we thought they were threatening because Jay thought they were threatening !

and well, in universe obviously part of it is that hoodie and masky are, you know,   running around wearing masks and acting shady, especially when you have no idea who they are or what they want. But a lot of times their actions Seem threatening but can either be explained by them purposefully appearing threatening to try to scare jay away from danger/into helping someone Or can be explained by them being affected by the operator in the same way that jay and alex were (more on that later :3c)

this distinction is important because hoodie and masky’s whole goal is to combat   alex and the operator ! the operator can make them more aggressive/act out in ways that they otherwise wouldn’t, but it isn’t making them do it’s bidding !

tbh the only thing holding me back from explaining every single instance where hoodie or masky come off as threatening is my own thinning self control, but the fact that I haven’t yet means that I have limited examples jlksfd. that said ! I can think of a couple!

the most obvious example of them being threatening on purpose was entry ####, when hoodie and masky stopped speaking in codes for the first time and made an overtly threatening video saying in no uncertain terms that they were coming to “get” jay just before the season 1 finale. They even posted it on His channel so he couldn’t ignore it. they Knew alex was going to go after jay, but they also knew that alex was watching him and watching them. if they warned him that alex was the one coming for him then alex wouldn’t make his move and would wait until jay was vulnerable again (plus the risk of him just not Believing them since at this point he had no reason to think that alex was truly dangerous). so they made Themselves the threat and scared jay out of his apartment before alex could burn him alive in it.

an example of them appearing threatening because of Circumstance and how the story was told is actually one series of events split up into several parts ! chronologically it starts with entry 52. alex invites jay and jessica into the woods, holds them at gunpoint, and tries to shoot them only to be tackled by masky. jessica and jay manage to run away and meet up at a hotel only to be tracked down by the operator. jay tackles it and he and jessica are knocked out and  have their memories wiped.

then jay wakes up in entry 27 with no idea what’s happened, and posts about exactly that to his youtube channel. both alex and totheark have been paying attention to jay’s channel and they both find out that jay and jessica are vulnerable at the same time. they don’t know exactly where jay and jessica are right off the bat, but jay made it clear that he wasn’t going anywhere. so it’s a race against the clock to see who can get to them first while not drawing any unwanted attention.

finally it’s jessica’s disappearance, split between entry 33 and 76! jay has Just posted about how he’s gonna leave with jessica to try to figure things out, and hoodie and masky both know that if alex had already found the hotel then that would’ve push him into action. So that’s what leads to 76 with hoodie and masky grabbing jessica to try to get her out of danger. masky carries her down the stairs and then sets her down outside before heading back into the hotel.

Cutting to entry 33, that’s when he confronts jay in his hotel room. At the time it Looked like he was attacking jay because we didn’t have the context, but this was Immediately following him trying to save jessica and him Successfully saving them from alex shooting them. Moreover, he didn’t actually try to hit or overpower jay (and considering he just finished carrying a grown unconscious woman over his shoulders down the stairs he definitely could’ve).

What’s more likely is that hoodie was going to carry jessica to safety while masky carried jay, and he only Didn’t because jay was conscious to fight him off. (why jessica was unconscious probably has to do with why jay and jessica lost their memories in the first place and why jessica didn’t seem to think anything was off at the end of the series, that’s to say that slenderman wanted alex to get to them and was likely thrown by hoodie and masky’s presence). masky was hauling ass because he was trying to get to jay before alex did and he was taken off guard by the fact that jay wasn’t out like jessica was !

so then back to 76! jessica wakes up and hoodie tries to help her through the woods only to get shot at by alex, alex tricks her into trusting him and tries to convince her that they’re both hoodie’s victims. when alex tries to take his second chance to kill her she grabs his gun and hoodie comes to beat his ass ! hoodie stayed close when he ran off so he could catch alex off guard ! Unfortunately the operator gets to her while they’re fighting each other off. it’s unclear exactly what happens but jessica gets taken and we see alex put his gun away. personally I think jessica was knocked out rather than shot and he was just retrieving it from her before she got taken (seeing as she’s still alive by the end of the series) though what happened to hoodie isn’t exactly clear beyond the fact that he lived.

so ! to put all of that shorter fjdksl hoodie and masky’s goal here was to protect jay and jessica from alex. masky came to stop alex from shooting them the first time and they both tracked jessica and jay down after they lost their memories because they knew alex would take the opportunity to try to kill them again. masky not being able to grab jay (or more accurately, getting throttled by jay jldsf) meant that he wasn’t there to help hoodie defend jessica against alex leading to her getting taken anyways. but it scared jay into escaping the hotel without having to encounter alex himself. That’s why jay said he understood. it isn’t just that tim had no control over his alter’s actions, it was that masky and hoodie Looked threatening but were actually trying to help. It’s just that tim had no way to know that when he found the tape originally.

and finally ! what I think is an example of masky coming off as threatening because of the operator’s influence, but specifically on Mood rather than action! This being the events of entry 61 and 62!

Hoodie wants to force jay and tim to team up, and he does so by acting as the villain to get jay to move again (while he had masky pose in front of the camera before it’s more likely that he planned and edited entry ####). He takes tim’s pills, tim goes into a seizure, the video cuts out, and hoodie tells jay to go find him. this is followed by masky attacking jay in the woods and them both waking up in the abandoned house in rosswood.

now before I say anything else, let's contrast this with jay in entry 82 and 77. jay tries to stake out the rosswood tunnel (the last place jessica was seen in the tape before she disappeared), and after not finding anything he calls tim to apologize, tell him that he understood, and to say he wanted to work with him again. He’s scared and he says that he thinks he’s seeing things, he Specifically sees the same abandoned building that they woke up in during 62 Moving Closer to him. Jay then has a seizure, the video cuts out, and tim never gets the phone call. the next time we see jay chronologically is 77, where he comes to tim with zip ties and his (piddly) pocket knife to try to “interrogate” him about jessica.

we don’t see exactly what happened to him after the video cuts out, but we know whatever it was affected his memory, made him far more aggressive and paranoid, and played into his anxiety and fears notching them up to 11 (like him shouting that it “wouldn’t have been (his) fault” when tim says that jessica is gone playing into the fact that jay blames himself for losing jessica when she was one room over).

it’s the exact same situation with masky. 61 and 62 follows tim and jay’s blowout in the parking lot and jay sharing tim’s medical records online. at this point tim had a lot of anxiety and frustration surrounding jay. so when masky woke up after tim’s seizure, shaken up by the operator, he saw jay as a threat to tim’s safety in the same way that jay saw Tim as a threat keeping him from finding jessica. the operator is Most Likely responsible for teleporting them both to the abandoned house and teleporting masky specifically to the woods !

the operator causing aggression is pretty much a constant ! though how much a specific person reacts to it depends on the situation, the amount of exposure they’ve had and how recent it was, and how much Help the person has access to (like medication, support, and solidarity). alex became an Extremely aggressive person, and it wasn’t just because of the stress of the situation. he self isolated and didn’t have access to medication. he fell into paranoia and catastrophizing, deciding that everyone around him either deserved to be mercy killed to save them from the operator or saw them as a threat spreading the sickness to other people.

That’s why he went easier on jay at first. He was trying to kill him from the beginning, but he tolerated more from him because he saw jay as someone that needed to be saved from his fate. It isn’t until his mental health declined even further and jay continued to get in his way that his attitude changed, giving us who he was at the very end.

we also know that audio/visual glitches are signs of the operator, and you’ll notice the audio glitching when people yell Throughout the series. the three standouts for me being alex yelling “I’ll kill you” after hoodie and masky try to smash his head in with a rock, tim yelling “but what if I’m right” while he’s spiraling thinking about how he could’ve been the cause of all of this while telling jay about his backstory, and jay yelling “I need it” after tim refuses to leave the camera for him when jay is zip tied on the floor.

the operator causes paranoia and aggression as a baseline, it just affects everyone to different degrees at different times depending on their access to help and how direct the operator is being with its influence, hoodie and masky are no different !

that doesn’t make their actions Okay, alex isn’t off the hook for Murder, but it does make them all Victims and it does mean that they deserved help (think back to tim offering to help alex during their final confrontation, even after everything).

All of that to say ! while hoodie and masky come off as threatening, their overall goals are to be helpful, they just tend to act extremely because of the situation they’re in on top of dealing with the same operator-influenced aggression and paranoia that everyone else is trying to manage. This is only emphasized by the method of storytelling deliberately obscuring the order of events to make them appear more threatening than they really are on top of their own attempts to scare jay out of harm's way.

I’ve gone on just, frankly way too long. so ! if you’re interested in more meta about how mental illness ties into the core Themes of marble hornets as well as misconceptions in the fandom (and specifically some dunking on night mind’s masky theory jlkfsd) I have a google doc where I’ve been just, chewing on it here (link)

it’s written like it’s laying out points for a response video that I’m frankly never gonna make, but I’ve been putting off making a post about it instead for This Exact Reason (this post is just over 5 pages in google docs jlkfds). and if you’d like to do more research on DID and OSDD there’s an Excellent playlist with resources ! the uploader has OSDD and they have other playlists as well that are worth checking out too ^^ (link)

[bisluthq]

It’s your kaylor historian here who still can’t remember my log in details to my KH account 🤦‍♀️ (so please make sure this anon just in case it isn’t... I fear them 👀)

Karlie’s tea post before masters heist:

Ok so I can’t remember who posted first and don’t feel like looking, but taylor posted a selfie and captioned it “Friday calmness” and we (kaylor fandom) had been speculating taylor was going to come out as bi on the last day of June / 🌈pride month🌈 since she’d been doing so much stuff that could be seen (and was) as queer coded. We celebrated the “Friday calmness” thinking it was like a ‘calm before the storm’ with the storm being her coming out.

I think Karlie posted after taylor, but am not 100% sure. Karlie posted a selfie with a cup with a caption like “what’s the tea” and the fandom, thinking they were still together, collectively lost our shit. It looked to us like Karlie was playing off Taylor’s post. (I’ll admit, I didn’t think kaylor were still together, but that weekend I was thinking ‘I can’t believe I doubted them!’ Lol)

*there were also rumours that the YNTCD video and single were delayed a couple of times and meant to be released sooner and serve as a soft coming out, but that taylor kept changing her mind about it and is also why she kept the tracklist length under wraps, because she wasn’t sure if she’d go through with it. She was way more vague than ever before. There were also rumours she had a rolling stone cover planned that she was going to come out in but it was scrapped —— I can’t even remember where these “she’s actually coming out” rumours originated anymore and I can’t remember if people had legit sources and gossip or if it was fan fiction planning, but it was mentioned outside the kaylordom too, so take that as you wish.

Then came the masters heist.

Now, to understand the thought process of Kaylors at the time, you have to remember that we thought Karlie & Taylor had a secret romance, Joe was a beard, Josh was a beard - but since he comes from a crime family who have done a lot of bad things (to put it lightly) and are stupidly rich, Josh had Karlie trapped in such a tight contract and has so much blackmail material that Karlie was forced to fake marry him against her will - remember, it was only meant to be a photo shoot for a Vogue wedding spread showing what wedding fashion was available, it wasn’t meant to be a wedding! But josh had his team leak the photos and instead of saying it was all for a photo shoot, Karlie had to say she was now married. <- that was the narrative and thought process within the fandom.

So the fandom thought 🛴 and Josh conspired to announce the purchase of big machine/ taylor’s masters which would derail her coming out plans. The fandom thought Karlie had no idea it was happening. Scooter and Josh were worried Taylor was going to come out, which would ultimately out Karlie since there were so many rumours about Kaylor already, and it would then out Josh and ruin Josh’s image, making it look obvious to everyone that Josh and Karlie were just beards, but kaylor was real. To avoid tarnishing Josh’s hetero card, scooter waited until the end of June to announce he bought taylor’s music for maximum impact.

(Never mind that someone spent $300M to keep a client in the closet) that was how we interpreted the situation (kept writing the fan fiction) and that it was a blow to taylor and a huge betrayal from scooter to Karlie because now they had extra leverage / ways to hurt Karlie.

So yeah. It was a very sad time. This also is why some kaylors think hoax lyrics point to their everlasting love “my best laid plans” = tay ready to come out end of June “your sleight of hand” = scooter tricking Karlie when he bought the masters and any information about taylor that Karlie mentioned innocently was used against them, “my barren land” = taken on a new meaning since Karlie announced her pregnancy, but initially it was seen as the land that was meant to be blooming with love was left barren and empty because of the masters incident delaying her coming out.

It sounds absolutely ludicrous, but the only way to understand how it was easy to rationalise is to understand how adamant the fandom was/ is that Josh and joe are just beards, Karlie is locked in a contract, and taylor is trying to free the both of them. If there were any truth to this at all, it is nothing short of ghastly situation for Karlie and paints taylor as a Nobel warrior trying to save her princess from the tower 🦸🏼‍♀️👸🏼 ....

Karlie had what I think was a scheduled post cause it was ad content , but otherwise was unusually silent on social media for a week + after the announcement. We thought they were grieving together.

——-

Now for Emily Poe. Ok so I really didn’t do my research - I thought Emily was only one or two years older than Taylor, so it never even occurred to me that the idea of that relationship would’ve been extremely predatory and badbadbadbad. I regret not doing my due dillihence when I was part of a fandom that consumed this theory. So Emily theories have been around since Taylor first had gay speculation. Part of this was because of some funny photos like that one where taylor is standing next to a truck that says “...gay Texan” and emily and a guy in the band I can’t think of his name were pointing to taylor and smirking. It’s a funny photo. I can see my dumb teenage self making similar jokes long before I knew my sexuality because LOOOOL GAY was a thing back then. There’s the video taylor made for Emily where she held up the “we love you emily” sign and she went to everyone she toured with including brad paisley to hold up the sign and make heart hands and just be extremely cute - platonic or romantic - both seem plausible - and cute as hell! The video was set to the dashboard confessional song ‘stolen’ which is basically just the lyric “you have stolen my heart” over and over again. This video got renewed interest when people went back and looked back at the you belong with me video. The idea of taylor and her make love interest holding these a4 sheets of paper with “I love you” written on them seemed familiar. The story of how YBWM came about was that Taylor heard her guitarist on the phone with his girlfriend and his gf was yelling at him for something seemingly insignificant/ the gf was painted out as high drama and her guitarist seemed miserable every time he spoke to her for a while. So Taylor had the idea of a song about a girl thinking her friends girlfriend is horrible, but turn it into a love story where the two friends get together - classic romantic comedy trope - she took the idea to Liz Rose and it was one of the last songs written for Fearless and specifically made to be upbeat and preppy because taylor thought the album was lacking that vibe. If you take the story Taylor said inspired the song and swap it from her male guitarist (who she also said she had no feelings for), and change it to her female fiddle player, the story behind the song can be the same, just tweaked to be hetwashed. Emily was a cheerleader and had a boyfriend when she toured with taylor, so it’s easy enough to take those things at surface value and think there was some truth to Emily. Also the two biggest gaylor rumours pre swiftgron came from comments on a gossip site/ forum. One was that ‘Emily was fired after she was caught relieving taylor of stress’ and how ‘emily was interested in law, but this incident cemented she had to leave the band but the swift team gave her money so emily wouldn’t sue for being fired on a sexual harassment issue’ (of course, knowing the age difference, we know this would NOT be the case at all) and it is speculated it inspired taylor to write breathe because she was so sorry for how things ended. They were inseparable and then after her birthday, never seen together or mentioned each other on MySpace again.

The other comment was that taylor ‘was a pillow princess in high school’ and that she was happy to receive but not give because she wanted to maintain her virgin status and thought if she reciprocated it would make her gay — the comment was something like that.

Of course it would’ve been incredibly easy for idk, some random on the internet who has never even met taylor to say those things.... but it was taken as gospel by the gaylor truthers.

People who looked further found a girl they believed was Taylor’s high school gf, her name started with L... but I never really believed it so I don’t have the greatest knowledge of that one. It seemed ridiculous to me she had a 3 year gf as a teenager and not a single person from her high school - or anyone who knew her alleged gf - ever spoke about it publicly??? That would be a lot of NDAs and payouts to keep silent, but a lot of other people believed NDAs and hush money was spent, so yeah... 🤷‍♀️

She also had some fruity MySpace posts which seemed to help the case for gaylor, but imo, it also falls under the ‘teenagers on the internet are dumb especially when social media was brand new and thank god myspace doesn’t exist cause I don’t want to see my old one ever again’ category.

Sorry for the essay, I felt I had been summoned and wanted to give background on the fandom. When I log back in I think I need to change my bio, I’m not really here to talk kaylor , but the fandom. Cause it’s really sad what that narrative within the fandom has become and heartbreaking what that narrative has done to fans, especially queer kids trying to figure themselves out. I couldn’t see how toxic it was for a long time, I’m happy I’m out of there now. but I think it helps to understand how the fandom thought and saw things as to how easy it was for things to spiral to the state it’s in now.

As old T used to sign off, - lovelovelove 💜

Brilliant post thanks KH!

[wallofweird]

1. Kevison Analysis: Season 4 Episode 18

I’ve decided to write a series of analysis regarding Madison, Kevin, his ‘relationships’ with her, Sophie and Cassidy respectively. I don’t have a specific schedule for them, I’ll release each post whenever I have enough free time and energy to write it because I want to give all of you something really through, like I did with my masterpost about Justin’s and TPTB’s interviews that hinted at Kevison becoming canon. 

I also want to remind everyone that some of the stuff I say here is already established as canon, but some is my interpretation of the events that happened on the episode. 

That being said, I want to begin by talking about Madison’s first scene. We learn that Madison is pregnant with Kevin’s child (children) and this is her third medical appointment alone. Her OB/GYN, Dr. Eli Mason, asks Madison if there is anyone she could bring along for support.

Madison explains she hasn’t told anyone because she is not close with her family. Madison also shares that confessing her pregnancy to the one good friend she has is not a possibility. Then, Dr. Mason brings up the father of the babies. 

She says:

“We barely know each other. Actually, the only thing I definitively know about him is that he comes from a long line of great love stories... And this... This would not be what he wants... There is no way... There is no way he'd want this.”

Dr. Mason replies:

“Little early to give up on him. Huh? You haven’t even given him the chance to be himself yet.”

I absolutely love this piece of advice and find the words the writers chose for this scene really interesting. He could’ve said something like “you’ll never really know unless you talk to him” or “look, I get it, but shouldn’t you make an effort and tell him? You’re already discarding your kids’ father from their lives without even trying. Give it one attempt, do it for your children.”

Instead, he suggests she gives him the chance to be the person he already is. This advice sums up the way basically the world perceives Madison and Kevin, even a little bit of how they see each other. Everyone has this pre-fabricated idea of them as people who have it all together and don’t have actual problems. Or of individuals that are immature, shallow, clingy and are always seeking attention. They are rarely taken seriously, their cheerful nature annoys almost everyone around them and they are usually not seen as people capable of being responsible or deep. Also, most of their issues only get recognition and attention when both reach their lowest point. So, Dr. Mason’s words describes them flawlessly, the way people treat them and also the ideas they have of one another: Kevin has underestimated Madison before and she doesn’t believe he would want to be part of the his children’s lives.  

Madison gives him a shy smile

and ultimately decides to follow the doctor’s advice.

Meanwhile, at Kate’s house, Kevin and Randall are arguing over the fact his brother convinced their mother to undergo a clinical trial even though she had previously ruled it out.

Things are escalating pretty quickly and it almost gets physical.

And that’s exactly when Madison shows up. She greets them and apologizes for being late for the party.

Kevin’ explains that it isn’t a good time. That might have come off as rude for some people, but I don’t see it that way. Randall and him were fighting, he was stressed, the atmosphere of the place couldn’t be worse. However, he doesn’t yell at her or looks at Madison with an angry expression, Kevin simply looks tired and overwhelmed, which he is.

She walks in anyway.

“What’s going on? Where is everyone?” Madison asks.

Nevertheless, Kevin lets her in without protesting and he closes the door without slamming it. Kevin simply explains that was what he meant: It wasn’t a good time, there was nobody there and he was in the midst of a feud with his brother (which Madison got to witness a little bit). In fact, I believe there is some kind of intimacy here, in a way that he is rawly honest with her. He was just being trying to say the atmosphere of the place wasn’t festive anymore.

“Kevin, we need to talk and we need to it now before I lose my nerve,” she announces.

“(Exhales) Look. (Exhales) Just, I'm... I'm not sure what we need to talk about, honestly, okay? Uh, look, you were lonely, I get that. I was, uh, heartbroken. And I don't know why we have to relitigate the whole stupid thing. I just... You know, we made a mistake...”

Again, I don’t interpret this moment as Kevin being rude to her. He was having a terrible day and he was arguing with his brother just a few minutes ago. Not to mention that despite having a better approach to the situation, Kevin is still affected by his mother’s diagnosis and worries about her health. The last couple of months weren’t easy for him and that day was only making matters worse. 

Besides, Madison herself has expressed regret for sleeping with Kevin and classified their hookup as something stupid too. She even admitted that she was feeling embarrassed by it.

Kevin was disturbed, he wasn’t thinking clearly. If the situation had been different, I’d say he would’ve figured out the reason she was there right away. It had been nearly two months that they had seen one another and apparently they hadn’t spoken ever since. She had a serious look on her face, not a flirtatious one. He would’ve connected the dots. Still, Kevin was overwhelmed, so he wrongly assumed Madison was there just to add to his stress by making a move on him, which would’ve been the last thing he needed at the moment. When people are having a bad day, they tend to think the world is out there to get them. That’s what happened here. Yet, Kevin didn’t raise his voice, expressed anger or anything, he overall just wanted to avoid talking to people, IT WASN’T anything PERSONAL.

On the other hand, Madison doesn’t back down and spills that she’s pregnant.

She continues,

“You’re the father...

It’s the question I would ask,

and...

You are.

I’m sorry,” she murmurs.

Madison adds, 

“I know I am a complete stranger to you.

I am just your sister’s friend and...  

I honestly know nothing about you other than how much you love your high school girlfriend.

(pauses)

I’ve decided I’m gonna go through with this.”

Kevin is too paralyzed to say anything yet,

but he nods, giving a slight indication that he is supportive of her decision.

“You don’t know my medical history, but this is kind of a miracle for me. 

But I need you to know I will not ask anything of you.

Emotionally, financially, all of it. 

You can still find the great love story you deserve,” she reassures him.

I absolutely love this part, because Madison is afraid she and the kids could get in the way of Kevin’s dream life, and I doubt it is because she has feelings for him, I believe it might have something to do with her family. Like, maybe they resent her because they’ve never wanted children and she is projecting that idea onto him.

However, you can see Kevin closing his eyes, wrinkling his forehead and shaking his head. As he listens, Kevin seems to be offended, even hurt by the fact Madison would think so little of him and, I dare to say, herself.

His reactions suggest that he finds what she is saying to be a complete absurd.

And he just can’t take any more of it. “Madison,” he interrupts her.

And Caitlin’s performance here is so on wonderful, because Madison is so nervous that she barely has it together. She gasps and almost skips a heartbeat. She seems to be on the verge of losing it.

Nevertheless, Kevin is still unable to say anything. “I think I might pass out,” he admits. “I'm just... I'm gonna...” he rambles as he is about to walk out the room, but Kevin doesn’t feel good about leaving her like that and you can conflict on his face.

“I'm not walking away from this conversation, okay? I just... I need a minute to... I'm sorry. Just... One second,” he explains to her.

I’m very fond of this moment as well, because Kevin has a lot in his mind, not only the pregnancy, but Rebecca’s health condition, the argument with Randall... He needs a few minutes to process what’s just happened. It’s a great example of Kevin emotional intelligence, he knows he needs a moment to assimilate everything because he wants to be as focused and serene as possible when they get back to their conversation and he needs to take a breath for that, but it’s still important to him to reassure Madison that he will definitely come back. He’s basically saying, “look, I’m sorry I’m not in my best state right now. I’m having this horrible day and I need a second because I want to clear my mind before I talk to you, but I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

Madison doesn’t protest

and Kevin guarantees it won’t take long and apologizes one last time with his eyes.

Kevin steps outside and takes a deep breath.

His brother interrupts it.

“Randall, please, I can’t do this right now,” Kevin raises his hand and begs, because he is trying to focus on returning to his conversation with Madison. 

Randall doesn’t listen and restarts their fight.

Kevin throws back, but changes his mind and decides to enter the house. 

His brother keeps pushing and he ends up coming back.

“You want to do this now, finally, after all these years? Let's do it! You know, this whole narrative that you keep spinning, this narrative that you took care of the family, where the hell did that come from? Huh? 'Cause all I know is, if I had been there, I would've walked through literal fire, and I would've pulled that man out,” Kevin shouts.

Randall adds fuel to the fire, “Well, Kev, I guess we'll never know, because you weren't there. And he died ashamed of you.”

He rubs some of his brother’s deepest wounds, “And I think... I think that's the part that really gets you, isn't it? The shame that he felt for you and the pride that he felt for me? I mean, you're not even chasing dad's shadow, Kevin, you're chasing mine. But you'll never be him and you'll never be me, because you'll never know what it's like to devote yourself to anyone other than yourself. And you'll pretend, but it'll all just be a performance. A tired, stale performance. Like all of your performances.”

And Kevin decides to get back at Randall, “You know, I used to think the worst thing that happened to me was the day that dad died. It's the day they brought you home. Hand to God, Randall, the worst thing that ever happened to me was the day they brought you home.”

They both look miserable. Randall leaves.

Kevin shows to be hurt and remorseful as well.

He spends a few seconds regretting his actions.

And is stopped by his phone ringing.

Kevin reads his uncle message.

He gets back to reality: Madison is still there and he needs to go back inside.

He sighs because he didn’t get to clear his head like he intended to. Instead, he just ended up getting even more disturbed.

Now, Kevin seems to be a little reluctant to talk to Madison, because his brother mentioned of his biggest insecurities: not being able to take care of his mother. And it’s not even the first time something of that nature happens: his sister once mocked the idea of him being a father too. It’s something that he’s really self-conscious about: not being capable of taking care of his loved ones. So, I guess that here Kevin had just entered a self-doubting mode.

Ultimately, he seems to realize Madison just needs him to be there and goes back in anyway.

Kevin enters the room:

The beginning of the sequence was BY FAR my favorite part of the entire episode. I reckon it's very intriguing the way they played everything out: they showed Kevin entering the room and the glances he exchanged with Madison. Which, if you think about it, would normally be a really monotone, not special and weird thing to focus on. However, there is something different about the way the actors deliver the scene, specially Justin, since the camera is primarily on him.

I personally find there to be something really enchanting on scenes that are done with the least amount of elements as possible. I have a special admiration when actors are able to deliver their performances with almost or no makeup at all and no lines or footage.

For example, I love clips where character A is listening to character B on the phone or a tape and you don’t get to see character B, but you are able to feel the emotion and the intensity the scene requires only by the way their voice sounds, the hesitation, the pauses they take and all of that.

And I’m also fond of silent sequences where everything that needs to be said is in the characters’ eyes, the way they move, their gestures and the rhythm of their breath. I LOVE paying attention to all of these little details.

And here Kevin stares at Madison with an amount of sensitiveness, understanding, empathy and softness that he had never given her before. In fact, I might be wrong, but I don’t recall him E-V-E-R looking at someone in such way, much less THAT intensely.

And there seems to be a lit bit of nervousness too. 

Which reminds me of a thing Justin said about these two: 

“I think if you know Kevin and the way that his mind works and the way that he goes about his business and the way he attacks situations, when he commits to something, he’s all in. (…) Now, things have changed. She’s pregnant with what she says are his twins and with the information that he has, ‘OK, she’s carrying my two children,’ so now everything has changed. Everything looks different, right? What Kevin saw before was this flighty sort of annoying friend of Kate’s. And then it turned into this one moment that they had together where they were sort of sharing in their own misery, right? One was lonely and one was sad and depressed and it was a perfect storm and that’s kind of all it was. (…) And then the unintended consequence of all that is she’s pregnant. So when she says things to him like, ‘This is kind of a miracle’ for me, I think everything changes. He sees her in a different light, obviously. (...)”

And I don’t know if that were scripted or just the actor’s approach (I really wish I could, though, because that sequence was simply brilliant), but it seems that Justin really wanted to incorporate this idea of Kevin seeing Madison in a whole new light.

In a way, it’s like he is seeing her for the very first time.

Kevin is also taking exceptional caution in every single move he makes, even with an action as simple as shutting the door. He closes it smoothly.

And they really focus on Kevin gazing at Madison.

While none of them is saying anything

and he approaches slowly

with just such a gentle look.

There’s literally around T-H-I-R-T-Y freaking SECONDS of this scene just dedicated to these quiet moments before Kevin finally says a word.

He calmly sits down in front of her. 

Madison waits for him to say anything.

Yet, he looks away and his face assumes this thoughtful countenance.

Then, Madison stops staring at him and looks down.

It’s only when Madison is not gazing at him anymore that Kevin sets his eyes on her again. There’s just something so pure, fragile and delicate about this entire sequence that I consider really touching.

“I’m so sick of chasing ghosts. I’m tired of doubting myself,” he shares. 

There’s also something implicitly significant about this. He is genuinely confiding in her. It’s another example of that raw honesty that Kevin seems to have with Madison and not even to be aware of it. It just looks like he voices his thoughts and feelings so easily with her. They don’t have a lot of scenes together yet, but there are already two substantial clips of them talking. And on both moments, he spontaneously gives her unsolicited information about himself. It’s like Kevin doesn’t feel the need to censor himself around her, it seems like he subconsciously feels comfortable enough with Madison to show his weariness, sadness and overall vulnerability. 

And Madison doesn’t seem to be annoyed by the fact he starts pouring his feelings out to her instead of talking about their current situation. She doesn’t turn him away. Madison remains quiet, pays attention and just gives Kevin the opportunity to share whatever he needs and wants.

“I’m all in, Madison. Whatever you need, I am all in,” he promises.

Madison's eyes widen in surprise

and he gives her this very subtle smile.

Kevin continues, “I want this.

And maybe I, I, I didn't think it would b...” He refrains himself from finishing that sentence, because it could’ve given Madison the wrong impression: that he will not love his child (children) the same way he would love them if the pregnancy had been planned and the baby (babies) was (were) a result of wedlock. 

Which is most certainly not the case and he lets her know his priority from now on will be his family, not the past.

Kevin glances softly at Madison one more time.  

“I wanna be a father,” he murmurs. Again, Kevin is confiding in Madison. He is opening up to her and saying things that he doesn’t have to say nor she has the obligation or necessity to know, but he still shares and she still listens to all of it attentively. 

The way Justin delivers this line is so special too. He pronounces it with a low, quiet voice. He shows us that Kevin is venting to her, because that is something he has craved so badly for so long and was almost losing hope of accomplishing. 

And Madison gives him a comprehensive and compassionate look, because she gets it. People usually don’t see her as a profound or mature person. Her relationships don’t even get to the point where discussing kids becomes a possibility. The last guy she dated broke up with her because he couldn’t picture them having a future together. Her medical history is complicated as well and the odds of her having children naturally were almost null. She not only understands it, but also has lived all of it through the years.

“I think I’d be great at it,” he tells her.

Kevin just keeps pouring his heart out to her, because a family of his own is something he has really longed to and and for over an entire year he’s been frustrated with the idea of not fulfilling this particular dream, specially since he feels he can do it and just needs the opportunity to prove it to himself and everyone.

By then, Kevin is already talking about it with a dreamy voice and look on his face.

“The love of my life will be my child,” he concludes, reinforcing that he is serious about it.

“Children,” Madison corrects him.

It appears Kevin doesn’t know what to say now: he slightly trembles, but there’s still some kind of exhilaration in his eyes. It’s like he is asking her: wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying? Is this actually happening?

“It’s twins, Kevin!”, she reveals.

There’s something also very special about the way Caitlin delivers her line. Madison says it in a way that is so soft, because she still can’t believe this indeed happening, but there is emotion and enthusiasm too and she pronounces those words in a way that sort of sounds like she is singing. Like something Madison is still getting used to, but she loves repeating to herself and being reminded of.

And Kevin doesn’t know how to respond to that, but you can see his face slowly light up like a child.

There is this pure, dreamy and joyful look in his eyes all over again.

It’s not a large smile just yet, because he also can’t believe that’s actually happening, but Madison is able to read him and she sees in him the mix of surprise, thrill and barely being able to react or say a single word, because that simply sounds too good to be true.

By that moment, Madison is already feeling relieved and comfortable around Kevin and she gives him another smile and shrugs. He doesn’t need to say anything out loud, because Madison understands what that silence means: she has become familiar with that mix of emotions as well. She feels it, she k-n-o-w-s.

PS: Feel free too add your notes, I’d love to know your comments on their scenes from this episode. :) 

[musical-chick-13]

Melisandre too please

OKAY STRAP IN MY FRIEND BECAUSE I WANT TO SCREAM ABOUT GOT WOMEN TODAY

• Did they live up to their potential? / In what ways was their potential unachieved?

I’m going to stick to the show because, again finished when the books aren’t. So, I really love Melisandre with my whole heart. You know, you have this mysterious woman who easily manipulates a powerful man, but it’s not just a standard femme-fatale I love power kind of thing. She grew up enslaved (at least in book canon, I can’t remember if this was ever mentioned in the show), and she’s in, essentially, a codependent relationship with her religious faith. It’s not for some sort of fake demureness or quest for purity, it’s because she thinks it’s genuinely the only thing she can do to save the world. She’s not a corrupt pastor, she’s an extremist who truly thinks she’s doing the right thing. But she’s not quite a competely-brainwashed, naive young victim, either. Obviously being sold into slavery and trained in the priesthood since forever ago influences her beliefs. But she reflects deeply on the nature of morality and owns up readily to the fact that sometimes she engages in acts of violence in the name of what she believes. It’s not an accident, people’s lives simply come at the expense of her service to R’hllor and faith in the coming of Azor Azai. She balances a very fine line between two extremes of the religious zealot morality spectrum, and I think she does it very well. The one thing I will say is that the show couldn’t seem to make up its mind on whether or not she was a fraud or whether she actually had Special Magic Powers. And not in kind of a “We won’t show you all the details of what happened, judge for yourself if she’s legit” way. They had her whole conversation with Selyse about using potions for desired fire effects, but she gives birth to shadow assassin babies and then literally brought someone back from the dead. If you’re going to make it ambiguous, keep it ambiguous. If not, make a decision and commit to it. Being completely shrouded in mystery; being a complete, unapologetic fraud; and being a supernatural entity entrusted with magic who sometimes misuses it “For The Greater Good” are all much more interesting than flip-flopping back and forth on characterization because you’re afraid to commit to a concept. Also, for some reason, in season 7 her main objective was to bring Jon and Dany together? Why? They should have explained how she got to that point and why she thought it was necessary. Also her death, but I talk about that in the last point.

• How they negatively and positively affected the story.

Positive: She brought Stannis into the story, leading to a discussion about whether or not the concept of justice is born from conformity to rules or a desire to put more good into the world. We are introduced to another religion in Westeros that helps enrich the worldbuilding and leads to a moral compass that is centered so differently from the other characters that it provides a fresh way of interpreting the story’s events and keeps us engaged. We are introduced to Davos aka Onion Dad through her and I love that guy.

Negative: She brought Stannis and Davos into the story, to the point where show Shireen died FOR NO REASON  which COMPLETELY RUINED STANNIS’S CHARACTER IN THE PROCESS. Stannis wasn’t supposed to be The Irredeemable Bad Guy, he was supposed to be another link in the chain that encompassed all of the different ways of looking at morality. Instead, they used his multifaceted, complex relationship with Melisandre to flatten out his characterization, make him the resident Pathetic Game Player We Are Supposed to Laugh At, and ultimately left off all degree of nuance by making him burn a child alive for shock value. I’ll never forgive the show for that. (Also, what with Brienne’s smiting of Stannis, Davos being the All-Around Good Guy and the fact that Mel’s death was so...anticlimactic...we’re also apparently supposed to see Stannis as the one primarily responsible for Renly’s death? Just? Ignoring Mel’s (and Davos’s) part in that? Sounds fake and narratively inconsistent, but okay.)

• What my favorite arc for them is.

-I think, probably after Stannis’s death (how said death came about notwithstanding, see above), when she realizes that she was...wrong? About her faith? She thought she knew how the world was supposed to work, like she had finally figured it out and unlocked some big secret, and then it just wasn’t true at all. And (kind of similar to what I said about Cersei) she has to rebuild herself. She and Davos have reversed their ways of thinking, where Davos believes-maybe not in R’hllor or any god(s), but in the existence of inexplicable and superhuman things-and now he has to convince her. And only then does she (and the audience) learn of her true power. (Which, as I mentioned above, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this. Her being a charlatan strikes me as a character choice I would want more in a story I was writing, but I’m not writing these books/episodes, lmao.) Her priorities become more skewed toward “Fighting the White Walkers and making sure whoever Azor Azai is has a world left to save,” which WE LOVE ORGANIC SHIFTS IN PERSONAL MOTIVATION WE REALLY DO Y’ALL

• What I think of their ending.

-Ugh. I don’t think I’ve ever actually talked about this, but her just going, “Well, my goal is done, bye” and then going out into the snow and just laying down to die is...how do I put it...utter bullshit. There was never any true payoff in her ongoing conflict with Davos, no resolution to her (weird, creepy) relationship with Jon or how he felt about her doing awful things but still being the person who brought him back to life, she didn’t even get a moment of dying in service of a cause she believed in (like, for example, Theon, whose ending I also hated but for much more personal reasons that have less to do with narrative structure and more to do with my feelings). She legit just said, “I’m out” and instantaneously died. Also...she, Davos, and Jon have been through a LOT. The fact that there was barely any mention of her or what her death meant save for that one conversation Davos had with Tyrion??? for some reason???? seems like a waste. If someone has been with you through multiple traumatic experiences, it doesn’t matter if you hate them, you’ll have some sort of feelings after they die. Davos never got retribution for Shireen, doesn’t that bother him?? How does Jon feel knowing he owes his life to the killer of an innocent child? How does Davos feel seeing yet another person die right in front of him, but intentionally this time?? *sigh* Emotional through-lines are a thing, people!

• When I wish they had died. / If I think they should’ve died.

-Ultimately, my biggest beef is that there was...nothing I saw in the show that suggested this was how she wanted her story to end. If you’re going to make a character feel hopeless upon resolving a specific problem or tie their entire reason for existing to one conflict, you have to have them talk about it or personally reflect on it? You can’t just stick that on as an afterthought to justify...whatever it was D&D were trying to justify. Melisandre has always had such a complicated relationship with Westerosi morality, and she NEVER got to see any direct consequence of that (and by consequence I don’t even mean, like...punishment or something, I literally just mean a result that happened because of it). She, again, legit just walked in the snow by herself and insta-died. It 100% felt like they just didn’t know what to do with this character so they just scribbled something in so they wouldn’t have to spend any time on her later because they didn’t care about her. (Which, obviously, they’re wrong. I love her and she’s so interesting this is a fact. Shame on you, D&D.) I do think, for her, it makes sense based on her religious ties to kind of...have a last-minute swerve toward penance. Not guilt or redemption, per se, but a way to honor the world she’s trying to save by way of choosing to die through a selfless act. Whether that be sacrificing herself as a distraction for the White Walkers or putting herself in the line of fire (ice?) for Jon because she thinks he'll help heal the world or (my personal favorite) fighting off a White Walker to protect Davos because she has finally come to sort-of understand his nuanced take on morality and that although he has some bad/dark parts, he is genuinely a good man and deserves to make it out alive. Let him have the life that Shireen didn’t get to have. Davos would be SO CONFLICTED because She Did a Good Selfless Thing For Someone Who Wanted To Kill Her But She’s An Awful Person What Do I Think About Good And Evil Now and the introspection would be delicious.

[thedogsled]

You seem to be having a not a great day today, so here's a light-hearted ask. I'm having a good day, curled up in pjs with cuddly pets watching Leverage with my sister. Leverage is one of my favorite shows, because it's smart and fun and has great characters that grow over the seasons. Besides Supernatural, what's a show you really enjoy and why?

Thank you so much for the ask! I’m sorry I didn’t reply to it sooner, I’ve come down with a head cold and this is really the first day in several I’ve been able to compose more than a tweet about how much it sucks (swallowing = a knife jammed right into my inner ear, it’s super fun). But I did want to answer your question so I’ve been musing on it since your ask came in.

If it was just “what’s your favorite show right now” it’d be an easy answer: The Boys. The Boys, back to front, front to back, upside down and inside out. The first season was fantastic, and it felt like it woke me up to being excited about TV again after my interest in The Walking Dead waned mid-season. Everything new has seemed very plastic recently, and even The Mandalorian, which is super cool, is kind of like the Cartoon Network dub of Dragonball Z, so Disneyfied in its bloodlessness that although I’m enjoying it it feels even more synthetic as a result. The Boys was the opposite of that, and also just whoever invented Karl Urban, period, just deserves a nobel prize for that masterpiece. He pronounces twat wrong (okay okay it’s a dialect thing) but you can’t have everything =D

So instead (and because it’s cheating that I can pimp The Boys and wax lyrical about loves of old) I interpret your question as sort of like “Which show is your comfort food?” Which show do I go back to when I’m feeling like TV needs to give me a cuddle. I had a good think about it, because there’s a few…

(aside: I shouldn’t have put that gif in before I started writing. ahem.)

There’s been a few over the years, for sure. As a thirteen year old I used to watch and rewatch Buffy episodes, mostly season 2 (baby Spike!). At eighteen, it was old VHS of Deep Space Nine, my favorite ep was “Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night” which I watched repeatedly and think about constantly even today. 

But the show I keep coming back to is due South.

This post is a long post, it also deals with discourse (because my relationship to entertainment is so often mired in it, so please don’t proceed if you’re rather avoid it) and this is where it begins:

Okay, so fun fact: I watched due South the first time it aired with my parents (I was about 9) and then when it was on TV again as a repeat, I recorded it on VHS by RUSHING home every single day from school with nothing else on my mind but sitting on the floor two feet from the telly to watch it. Quantum Leap was on right after, and I had an entire different set of VHS tapes to record that on, so had to quickly switch between them. I’d stop recording at every break so that I could get more episodes on a tape. It’s not unsurprising to me now that both shows vibed with me as a young person who hadn’t yet really accepted that she was queer; due South’s main character is coded as Other both to the Americans whom he lives with, and his fellow Canadians, while Quantum Leap explores a straight white man jumping into the lives of Others, and living through them some of the hardest moments in their lives. Even though both keep it exceedingly, textually hetero, one has two men riding off into the snowy sunset together (leaving behind a straight lover to do so) and the other features a love between two men that in the original framing of the finale would have seen God/fate reconnecting the two of them even though one was lost in time, and the partner’s wife begging him to go.)

Of course young me didn’t give a shit about that, or didn’t realize that’s what she cared about. Young me loved the buddy-cop partnership of both shows. Young me liked the half-wolf, and the episodes where they ride horses, and honestly just waiting with bated breath to find out where Sam would jump to this time. “Oh boy!” Retrospectively, these shows (especially QL) are a lot more oh boy in a yikes context now than they used to be, but it’s good that shows age into yikes territory because it means that society is steadily advancing. Particularly, pointing out that these shows both feature white straight guys like…welcome to the nineties.

I was introduced to queer coding in part by watching due South. The show is laden with it. With writers, actors, and ultimately an executive producer who was all three, it makes you wonder if they would have gone there if they could; certainly the ending reads that way. They couldn’t, of course, because it was the nineties (and it was CBS that revived it after enormous international fan demand). Still, there was just nothing else analogous to what we have now that was going there on TV at the time. If you were queer (or discovering your queerness) then watching the show meant everything, as it did to me. So I snuggle up on the couch often these days and go back to that, because it gave me such joy, and because I was left with the opportunity to decide for myself how deep the relationship was. There was no promise of anything, because the context at the time was of course you can’t go there, nobody can go there. Queerbaiting was a word that simply hadn’t been breathed. There was no intent, no companies behind the curtain pulling strings going “Yes, make it more gay, we want those queer dollars”, just invested people slipping what they could past the studio censors.

Like this:

Sigh. A less enlightened time. =P (Incidentally fun meta here but this was after a conversation where Ray suggested that communication in a relationship should be intuitive, like breathing.)

So I guess in part I escape back there because none of that representation was ever as loaded as it is today. It doesn’t require me to judge it, or weigh it against the harm it does - because the politics of the time meant I thought it was doing good (retrospectively, and only through the lens of someone who had nothing to lose). It seemed to scream out into an unyielding universe to force it to move. It did a fraction of that, because of course it did. It was the nineties. It stole indigenous narratives and romanticized colonialism just as much as it beat the drum of environmentalism and kicked at the doors of corporate greed and racism. Old shows are inherently problematic. Today’s shows are too. Being able to examine them doesn’t mean not loving them, but it lets you say “Okay, so what do I expect from the things I watch today? What do I expect from the things I watch in five years time?”

All that aside, the show is just damn good. It’s watchable and rewatchable. It struggles to age because it was already so out of pace with the age it was made in–despite its flaws in representation, it was better than other shows at the time that demonized, tokenized, or outright killed minorities to push white narratives on their own shows (Kendra being murdered on Buffy, for example). It’s standalone enough that you can go back and watch any episode you like because overarching story arcs were way less of a staple as they are today.  It’s witty, fast paced, full of action and moral dilemma, do gooding and the consequences of it. Although still severely unbalanced, and very, very white, it did still have indigenous actors playing indigenous characters, and minorities portrayed in stories about them. There’s a dog. There’s classic cars. And it’s all put to the soundtrack of Canadian bands and singers. 

tl;dr ahead for rambling about subtext and being a disaster queer, but please scroll past for more gifs.

Queer me needed this show, in a world where I’d been taught to look and see myself in straight white male protagonists, it felt like A Lot to see all this on screen. It wasn’t, but it was all I got when I was growing up. I envy the good fortune of kids who can see themselves on screen these days while they try and figure themselves out (and hopefully more so in the future) with far less of having to negotiate through the confusion of looking at it through confusing fractals of different lenses and instead just see someone who looks like them showing them that their POV is normal, heroic and wonderful. Those lenses fucked me up big time. Like I’m not even sure right now what flavor of queer I am. I cling to bi like a lifeline of sense in my life, but it is complicated because I overwhelmingly desire the company of women way way more. But also I was was taught to look through the lens of a white dude in order to see myself universally, taught to be both desirous of the female body and humiliated by it, ashamed by sex, taught men were awful, and taught that I was supposed to marry one anyway. I look at my sexuality/romanticism like it’s a meta puzzle that I haven’t figured out yet, wondering how to put it on paper, how to break apart the different influences I experienced as a youngling and as an adult to try and negotiate if I’m misreading my own impulses. How I was brought up, who I’ve known, the relationships I’ve experienced and seen in real life and on TV. I’m 34 and I’m still no more certain. Subtext is both my friend and my enemy. I hate it, and I owe everything to it.

So when I need a rest from giving a shit about any of that noise, I go back to my comfort food. I go right back to subtext, which gave me the tools I needed to desire romance that wasn’t heterosexual, that somehow was more intimate because it relied on longing stares and never stepping foot out of the closet, that was just someone liking another person without any expectation of sex just because they have opposing genitals, and their colleagues hassle them a lot. There’s nothing wrong with the sex, I write a lot of consommation of the feelings that I see bubbling under the surface. I have even grown to appreciate het romance when it’s done in a way that doesn’t reduce the woman to a love interest–I was thrilled when Simon Baker’s Patrick Jane got together with Teresa Lisbon in The Mentalist. Their relationship was filled with subtext too. Subtext isn’t a queer thing, it has a role in all well written romance. Hell, it has a role in terriblebad tropey misogynistic romance, too. And just you know basically all storytelling (and more). 

Queer romance existing only in the subtext, though? It’s heartbreaking explicitly because it feels like a story that isn’t finished, and that’s where subtext reliant shows can hand off the story to be finished by fandom itself. In due South, as I mentioned before, Ray and Fraser jump into a dogsled and ride off over the snowy horizon to “Find the hand of Franklin, reaching for the Beaufort sea”. It’s where I chose my meta name, as I’ve mentioned before, because that ending - that ending - handed us all the subtext so far and said “Here, take it, it’s yours now. Do with it what you like”–and we did. But that was twenty years ago. I loved that ending (I still think it was a very elegant solution) and it was expected and appropriate for a show that in itself is a “Faves Are Problematic” show, but that’s also why I get so passionate about discussing the subtext in Supernatural.

It’s younger than due South. While it may have begun back when Willow from Buffy had her first girlfriend, it is ending now, not at the turn of the century where a dogsled was still good enough to get the point across and none of us had Twitter. My own experiences, my lifelong queer confusion make it so I feel pretty damn bad for people trying to use Supernatural as a medium for their own self-exploration, using characters from SPN as their lenses. A show these days that makes bank on those tropes and doesn’t inform its audience (positively or negatively) is doing so irresponsibly because of the modern context in which the show presently (not historically) sits, and the increasing awareness of the issues surrounding it. Networks, then, are ultimately responsible for that, but they are in a way which is entirely different and far more directly culpable than they were 20 years ago, because people are out there making money out of those intentional subtextual devices. They chose to do it; took a deep breath and backed right up away from Gamble’s problematic queerbashing tropes, chewed it over, then hired gay writers and dived right back in with more grown up, progressive, and less shitty subtext–but still subtext. 

This show that ended 20 years ago was able to cross way more lines with subtext in one episode than Supernatural has done sometimes in an entire season. It did so despite and because of it’s international audience, on a conservative network that would late purchase Paramount, and Star Trek, and ended with a powerfully subtextual ending. Supernatural, of course, is under a far more powerful microscope from the bigots than those oblivious to subtext back in the 90s could have ever produced. due South, like SPN was just “wholesome family entertainment” to a conservative audience that was completely oblivious by all accounts, yet was laden heavily with queer innuendo. It was also blissfully short, and existed in a social media world which consisted of Yahoo groups and not much else. 

In modern context, Supernatural gets a fox in the henhouse treatment from that same audience, and acts accordingly (when it’s not using that same subtext to deliver earnest Fuck You’s to that audience). While I expect Supernatural to bravely - even considering this scrutiny - deliver a dogsled subtextual ending on a good day, there are bad days, too, because the queer subtext has been underlined so loudly that everyone can see it, because it’s “practically text”, because the bottom line is increasingly more concerned with satisfying those bigots (even while they mock them), and because queer fans are “too loud” about what they want. How dare they. /s The pushback caused by being loud about things you care about, the bigots actually seeing subtext in front of their noses, isn’t bad because now they know what we’ve been doing all along, and we won’t be able to get away with it any more; it means they’re becoming more aware of narratives other than their own. Yes, some people will push back, but “when you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”, and they can shove it right up their asses.

All I ever ask of myself when I interrogate my present day viewing experience, is this: when I sat as a youngster watching due South thinking “This subtextual ending is enough for me”, did I truly believe it was okay to be watching a show about two white guys with a subtextual ending 20 years later? Was that the future I dreamed of and aspired to? Would I be disappointed? The answer is yes, I am disappointed. No matter the whys, the fundamental and societal reasons–I am disappointed. I still love the show probably more than I should, but I am disappointed in the society it sits in - which is increasingly capitulating to far more powerful global financial powers than a couple of red state homophobes - and I’m disappointed in the way we’re treating each other for even caring, and I’m disappointed in myself, too, for being naive and imagining we would be much further down this road now than we are. But we are a capitalistic society, and being both the commodity and the customer should be a surprise to literally nobody at this point. It doesn’t mean you have to like it.

And if you don’t feel that way, that’s okay. We all come from different places. We have different perspectives. We need and want different things, for different reasons, and find joy in different things for different reasons. Variety of opinion is as much a wonderful thing as it is completely terrifying.

I’ve wandered somewhat off topic, so I’m going to go back to the show I love, my chocolate pudding and custard comfort food TV show, and the long stares and the beautiful uncomplicated subtext.

And sign off with half a dozen gifs.

Eye fucking:

Conversations in closets and bathrooms:

Going down with the ship

Intuitively understanding each other without a word spoken

His hobbies humiliate me in public

“Do you find me attractive?”

Sulking in the corridor while you reunite with your ex

This whole ep with original Ray:

And his wolf approving of both

Not pictured “I love you” “And I you”, “Get out of the closet”, actual hand holding when it’s unnecessary, formally handcuffing your buddy, getting stuck in an ice crevasse and a mini submarine together–and so so much more. I invite you to watch the show if you can find it (I have it on a really nice set of DVDs, but there’s some dodgy ones out there that look like they recorded the DVD straight off a VHS, so do check reviews) or else try and find it online. There was a Canada promoting YouTube channel which published both due South and shows like Slings and Arrows, which I recommend as well (It’s not actually bury your gays if the ghost of your gay best friend haunts you, right?) so you should be able to poke around and find a legit copy somewhere. I’ve bigged it up and talked it down, and wandered a long way off topic (that describes my relationship with every show, but especially when I recommend them) but I hope somewhere along the line I also answered the question. The way I hear it Leverage is a similar sort of comfort food, though I haven’t seen it. Sounds like I should put it on my To Watch list.

[quirkless-and-embarrassed]

Sir Nighteye

Ok, I watched the anime and felt like doing another character meme!

Spoilers for Overhaul arc/season four of the anime.

Favorite thing about him:

I like that Nighteye didn’t allow his admiration of All Might to turn him into a pushover. Such adulation could have blinded him to All Might’s flaws, something Midoriya struggles with, but Nighteye stood firm, spoke his mind, and took action in accordance with what he believed. The way Nighteye willingly, gladly admits to being wrong (about Midoriya and All Might’s decision to fight fate) makes it clear that it wasn’t pride that drove Nighteye away from All Might, but actually principles and genuine concern/panic. Nighteye was happy to be wrong, even though it meant that his failures to change the future were true failures and not simply something out of his control. Knowing this enabled Nighteye to let go of his underlying fear that his quirk didn’t just see the future, it set the future in stone, and he’s able to die peacefully after giving All Might and Midoriya his full, unconditional approval, and after internally apologizing to Mirio for seeing him as a vessel before realizing the error of his ways.

Nighteye presumably awakened his quirk when was four or five, and he was thirty-eight when he died. That’s thirty-four years—he could have used his quirk easily thousands of times, maybe more than ten-thousand—and never once has the future significantly deviated from what he saw. Essentially, his quirk’s been the daily Word Of God since he was five years old. It’s easy for Midoriya or Rock Lock to say, bring it on, I can smash fate; for Nighteye, who has actually tried, it’s a completely different ballgame. He knows what it MEANS to try to change to fate, but he’s determined to try anyways.

I like the balance Nighteye strikes between fierce idealism and calculated realism. Yeah, the narrative often criticizes realism for not being plus ultra, but it’s a quality I like. Nighteye wanted to carefully plan Eri’s rescue and Overhaul’s arrest, but his caution didn’t make him any less committed or passionate, or any less admirable than anyone who would have (tried to) saved her immediately (it’s not like Overhaul would let anyone walk away with her).

I like his hero name. The Sir invokes the honor of a knight, All Might’s vassal, the “eye” is obvious, and “night” because he can see in the “dark”: the future is clear to him. Plus, I like the night/knight pun.

I also like just how gangly, angular, and weird he looks. He has some quality body language with the angle of his head.

Least favorite thing about him:

His stamps…his abs…come on. He doesn’t need to a fantastic fighter. His stamps are a funny weapon to be sure, but it irritates me that they’re as strong as they are. It’s ridiculous that Nighteye could cartoonishly hurl Rappa the way he did, and it was stupid to tear his shirt to show off how ripped he was. I felt like Horikoshi was trying to show us that Nighteye meets the standards of a conventional hero, when he could be just as much of a hero using his brain. At the most, someone like Nighteye, who emphasizes logic and excels at predicting opponents’ next moves, should be carrying a gun like the police.

The tickle machine. Eughh. I could barf at how much I hate it.

It’s also frustrating that Nighteye completely wrote Midoriya off as a “quirkless middle-schooler” who could never become the Symbol of Peace and actively undermined All Might even now that he was finally raising a successor. I can at least respect how upfront he is about it: Midoriya knows what he’s getting into by the time he submits his work study application to UA. But even without that, Nighteye doesn’t trouble me as much as he did the first time I read the manga because 1) I figure Nighteye saw Midoriya when he foresaw All Might’s doomed future, because Midoriya is such a big part of his life that of course Nighteye saw him, 2) Nighteye is aware that they’re working on an extremely tight timeline: All Might is due to die within the next year or two, so picking a baby successor who’s going to need tons of hands-on guidance is a bad move, and 3) Nighteye paid the price for his “quirkless” comment when Mirio lost his quirk, and, despite what he said, it was clear that he didn’t love Mirio less, or respect him less as a hero, because of it.

I like that Nighteye appreciates humor, but his final speech about laughter and smiling, combined with Mirio’s determinedly positive reaction, makes me think that he may not have taught Mirio that it’s okay to be sad, that you don’t need to always smile. That would be a disappointing failure on Nighteye’s part, since the overwhelming pressure All Might feels to be positive+proactive is part of what made him unable to accept Nighteye’s criticism. It also fits with how Nighteye’s inner monologues tend to be more sympathetic than his actual dialogue, so maybe Nighteye should have tried to be less didactic and tell Mirio that he has been Nighteye’s pride and joy, instead of thinking that and giving Mirio a last speech on the importance of smiles and humor. I think he would have been a better teacher if he’d allowed himself to be more sentimental.

Favorite line:

My absolute favorite is in ch137, as he observes Mirio’s guilt from letting Overhaul retrieve Eri and bring her back to his headquarters. Nighteye thinks:

I can’t say whether or not the future can be changed. But we can change the past. How we view the past and interpret it. That much is possible.

It’s an important life lesson, and I like how he inverts the typical, “the past can’t be changed, but you can control the future so that’s what matters” perspective.

I also like it in ch130, when Nighteye berates-slash-comforts Midoriya, who regrets allowing Overhaul take Eri back: “Enough of that arrogant thinking! Haste makes waste. Go after him haphazardly, and he’ll slip through our fingers. You’re not quite so special as to save whom you want, when you want.” Then he elaborates on their plan and finishes with a bang: “The world is not so accommodating that you can act the hero because you feel like it. The cleverest villains out there lurk in the shadows. There will be times when every precaution must be taken.”

One more, in ch161. When he’s on his deathbed, Nighteye looks at Mirio and thinks, In the beginning…I only brought you in as a potential vessel, but you stuck by me, believed in me, and at some point…you became my pride and joy.

BROTP:

Him and Mirio. I love how Nighteye took Mirio under his wing in a half-logical way, viewing him as All Might’s proper successor, only to accidentally raise Mirio as his own successor.

I wish we got to see Nighteye and Aizawa interact more. They’re both the rational mentors who get attached to their kids. It would have been nice to see Aizawa talk to Nighteye about his problem child or about Mirio, or to help Midoriya navigate his relationship with Nighteye, but since Aizawa doesn’t know about OfA and Nighteye was on his way out anyways…oh well.

I’d also love to have seen Nighteye and Hawks interact. They’re connected on a meta level, as the unofficial righthand men of the #1 heroes, and also by the idea of fate. Nighteye’s arc centered on the fact he could see the future, and the future he saw could not be changed. Hawks may or may not know it, but the imagery surrounding him is unmistakeable, and we the readers know that some sort of doom is waiting for the man who goes too fast. Whether Hawks can defy fate or if he’ll be crushed by it remains to be seen (and, like Nighteye, he’s not looking promising).

Hawks takes one look at Nighteye—perfectly pressed suit, pinched, no-nonsense expression and all—and is like oh this guy looks like he’s gonna be fun. Nighteye looks even more tightly wound than Endeavor. But actually, Nighteye actually respects and appreciates Hawks’s cavalier attitude! And though they rarely see each other, since they live far apart, they become friends who mainly swap information and keep each other up to date on villain things. Occasionally Hawks will see something ridiculous, like a meme or something, and send it to Nighteye, and Nighteye follows Hawks on social media and sometimes likes his stuff.

It’d be especially interesting to see them disagree about All Might. Nighteye is such a hardcore fanboy, Hawks professes to not be a fan, the Symbol of Peace is such an important part of how Nighteye envisions the future, and it’d be interesting to hear Hawks’s perspective on the Symbol of Peace and where it fits into his vision of the future.

I also appreciate Nighteye and All Might’s relationship, but like…idk, they got so little time together in canon, I kinda prefer to think of it as a dead brotp. Even if Nighteye had survived, I would kinda want his relationship with All Might not to be very close, because even though they weren’t angry anymore didn’t mean they could pick up where they left off.

OTP:

Hmm…not really anyone. I haven’t read much Nighteye fic. There is this one touching soulmate AU where he and All Might both bear the black symbol of someone who has been rejected by their soulmate…here.

NOTP:

No, not really.

Random headcanon:

One of the reasons he reacted so harshly to Midoriya as All Might’s successor is that when he foresaw All Might’s death, he also saw Midoriya. Midoriya’s failure to protect All Might from his gruesome death revealed him as an unfit successor, and he believes if he can remove Midoriya from the equation, then he will have changed the future.

Nighteye helped All Might track down AfO to avenge Nana, and he felt partially responsible for All Might’s injury in addition to fearing that his quirk set All Might’s future in stone.

Nighteye used his quirk on All Might between surgeries, because he couldn’t stand not knowing whether All Might would survive his wounds from AfO or not. He should have stopped when he saw All Might survived, but—he’s such a fanboy, and he saw that future!him was terrified and arguing with All Might about something, and he knew immediately just from the expression on his own face that he’d foreseen All Might’s death. He couldn’t resist looking ahead to find it and learn how much time All Might had left.

…part of me thinks that the reason Nighteye’s foresight was wrong about Midoriya’s death was because Eri also has a time-related quirk, and there was nothing Midoriya really did to change fate. Which would be sad, but. Yeah.

I’d like to think that Nighteye had a really wacky, judgmental cat with a questionably funny name. It sat on top of the fridge and looked down on him when he came home late. After his death, it becomes his agency’s cat and harbors a dangerous grudge against Bubble Girl’s aromatic bubbles.

Unpopular opinion:

It seems like plenty of people dislike him, so…I like him? He’s not even close to one of my favorites, but still.

Even though I like him, I was surprised to discover he was dead—I forgot he died, so I guess his death scene didn’t leave an impression on me. Looking back on it, I think it’s a nice enough scene, but at the time I was probably too exasperated by the overhaul arc as a whole to care much.

idk, I don’t see people talk about him much.

Song I associate with him:

uh…um…well……there isn’t really any music I associate with him. Here are a few songs that are very loose associations, I guess.

Darkside of the Sun by Tokio Hotel reminds me of how All Might’s public persona has taken over his identity, and Nighteye is seeking to save his life by retiring his persona.

Carry Me Down by Demon Hunter has the line “I know the pain inside my heart / can’t break the fear inside of yours,” which reminds me of Nighteye’s grief can’t persuade All Might to confront the reality of his imminent death, plus other stuff in the song about unspoken regrets and death.

And last, Turns to Dust by Sound Surfer and Nilka reminds me of Shigaraki (for obvious reasons), but I think it also speaks to Nighteye’s fear of his quirk.

Favorite picture of him:

Ch126 – Nighteye’s glare when Midoriya mimics All Might’s smile! He sure is intimidating 😂

Episode 75 – This moment did nothing for me in the manga, but it was genuinely moving in the anime. The voice acting and music <3 

I’ve also done Todoroki, Bakugo, Uraraka, Endeavor, Amajiki, and Shinsou!

[peachdoxie]

MAJOR HTTYD 3 SPOILERS

I have now seen How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World a grand total of three times and I’m at a point where I can give a more complete “review”, though this will be less of a typical review and more of a place where I dump a bunch of thoughts I have pertaining to the film.

As another warning, in case it wasn’t obvious, this review contains massive spoilers. Like, I spoil probably every major moment and detail I can think of in this film. Read forward at your own risk.

Also be warned that this is probably disjointed and rambling. Also very long.

Note: I saw the film for the first time on Jan 26, and twice today on Feb 1.

Where do I even begin?

I loved it. Like honestly, I cannot imagine a better possible ending. Obviously yeah I would have loved if Hiccup and Toothless could have stayed together forever but....I don’t know. It just wouldn’t be the same, you know? The books ended with the dragons returning to the sea, and we knew for the longest time that the movies would end the same way as the books, with an explanation for why there are no more dragons. It’s an extremely timely message (well, when are messages about peace untimely, lol) and just. Wow. 

My biggest issue with HTTYD 3 was the same one I had with HTTYD 2, which is that the pacing was a bit rushed and some things weren’t as fleshed out as I would have liked them to be. That’s okay. I didn’t have as big of problems with that today as I did in my first screening. But wow. They really jam-packed a lot of things into it and I’m so impressed. How can something that lasts 104 minutes contain so much in terms of character development for a sizeable cast while also making it funny and enjoyable? I don’t know. 

Honestly though the worldbuilding was fantastic. Expanding on the end of the war on Berk in the first film and Hiccup’s battle with Drago in the second, and how his efforts to bring peace have made them a target. It’s so good.

And the fact that the dragons left for their safety - what they need instead of what Hiccup wants. “The world doesn’t deserve you. Yet.” Fuck me up, DreamWorks. I mean, I figured that’s how it would end, roughly, because that’s how the books end and honestly why else would the dragons leave when those on Berk don’t want them to?

I remember back when we first learned about the Light Fury and how she would “draw Toothless away” from Hiccup or some other weird phrasing that made it seem like she was a weird seductress or something. If you were following me then, I had a lot of anxiety from her reveal on the poster to the time of the first trailer, after which I immediately fell in love and decided to stop caring about my criticisms of her design and character.

And even though she kind of did pull Toothless away from Hiccup, it wasn’t just her character that did it, if that makes sense? After watching the movie, it’s clear to me that the Light Fury isn’t just meant as Toothless’s mate. She’s supposed to represent what life could be like - what life is like, in a way - when dragons are “free from the tyranny” of humans. Like. The reason why Hiccup was willing to let Toothless go even before Grimmel came and ruined things even more was because he saw how much Toothless was enjoying his freedom being among the other dragons in the hidden world, his freedom when he wasn’t bound to Hiccup’s participation in his flight. The Light Fury represents the doorway into that world that Hiccup had never been able to see. Honestly, that Toothless was probably not even aware of, since his entire species was hunted by Grimmel.

I’m reminded of the exchange between Hiccup and Valka in HTTYD 2, when Valka says “When I’m up here, I don’t even feel the cold. I just feel...” and Hiccup concludes it with “free.” 

“This is what it is to be a dragon, Hiccup.” 

That freedom in the Hidden World. It’s not something that Toothless can have when still flying with Hiccup.

The subtitle “The Hidden World” doesn’t just refer to the physical place where the dragons come from. It’s metaphorical as well. It’s the world of the dragons that was hidden from Hiccup by his own desires for peace and unity. It’s the world of their freedom.

Who is Hiccup to take that freedom away from Toothless? It would be different if living with the Vikings didn’t pose a risk to the dragons because of the warlords who are determined to use them as a weapon or to kill them all. That’s why the other dragons had to leave, as well. 

It’s such a complicated situation and there’s no perfect solution, rationally. I’m emotional.

As smart and intelligent as the dragons are, they’re not human. Sometimes I think it’s easy to forget that. 

H O W is this trilogy so good???

I think the thing that really gets me is that, even though they had to separate, it’s clear how much Hiccup and Toothless love each other. I mean, it’s always been apparent, from the end of the first film and all through the second one, but just. It’s really, really there in The Hidden World. 

The way they work together so flawlessly during the raid, the way that Hiccup talks to Toothless and Toothless “talks” back, the way that Hiccup let Toothless play with his prosthetic, the way that Toothless looked to Hiccup for guidance on how to court the Light Fury, the way that they slept in the same bed in Hiccup’s tent, the way that Hiccup didn’t hesitate to rebuild the autonomous tail from Gift of the Night Fury so that Toothless could fly with the Light Fury, the way that Hiccup scoots over and says “good morning” to Toothless when he’s waking up from the poison dart. 

The way that Hiccup was ready to let Toothless go on his own and have his freedom.

The way that Hiccup was prepared to die so that the Light Fury could save Toothless.

The way that Hiccup said “It’s okay. I love you too.” to Toothless when they were saying goodbye. 

The way that Toothless hugs Hiccup goodbye.

(By the way, I’ve been lightly sobbing for the last several paragraphs.)

I love How to Train Your Dragon and How to Train Your Dragon 2 for a lot of reasons, but the main one is because of the relationship between Hiccup and Toothless. And like I said, it’s so there in How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World. 

I think that’s why I’m absolutely okay with the Light Fury and her role in this film. Yes, she leads Toothless away from Hiccup, but it’s not like it’s an issue of “romantic” (if you can say that dragons have a concept of romance) relationship taking precedence over a platonic relationship, which is what I mostly feared back when I first learned of the Light Fury’s existence. I mean, that interpretation is one to make, but it’s not the one I’m choosing to make when talking about The Hidden World. It’s a much more complicated situation than that. 

That’s the real tragedy of this trilogy. It’s not that Hiccup and Toothless couldn’t still be as close as they are if Toothless mated with the Light Fury. The Light Fury is capable of changing and coming to trust humans. That’s clear from her character development and the way she saved Hiccup at the climax. Maybe she’d never be “tame” like Toothless is, but I think it would be possible.

No, it’s not that the Light Fury is incompatible with Hiccup and Toothless. It’s that the rest of the world hasn’t caught up with Hiccup’s message of peace. Too many people see dragons as something to be used or destroyed without care for what it does to the dragons themselves. And even Hiccup and Toothless’s love for each other can’t withstand that. At least, not together.

The epilogue to How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World is really important to me for this reason. Even after years apart, even if Toothless at first didn’t recognize Hiccup, they still love each other so much. You can see it in the fear that Hiccup had that Toothless wouldn’t remember him, and in the joy that both he and Toothless have when Toothless sniffs Hiccup’s hand and does remember. It’s there in the way that Hiccup and Toothless fly together, once more, during the epilogue, with their families right there beside them. A love that strong never really goes away.

I’m still very emotional.

I have to give credit to John Powell for the music he composed for the epilogue. The way it goes from the themes in Wounded from the first movie, when Hiccup and Toothless aren’t exactly enemies anymore, but aren’t friends yet, mixed with themes from the Hidden World, showing Toothless’s....wilder nature as he’s been living among the dragons, and into the themes from Forbidden Friendship when Hiccup and Toothless reunite....brilliant. And continuing that music when Hiccup’s children first make contact with Toothless, and, of course, into themes echoing Test Drive and Coming Back Around while they’re flying WHILE ALSO incorporating some of the music from THW. Music can make or break a scene and, boy, did the music in this film make the entire thing work, so well.

And the Hidden World ends the same way that HTTYD does, musically and cinematographically. It’s the same musical motifs, with instrument and tonal changes, as the end of How to Train Your Dragon, and it’s Hiccup and Toothless flying off into the sun with their friends and family alongside them.

I honestly don’t have the words to appropriately describe how this makes me feel. I’m not sure I really understand yet. I love it, though.

Switching gears a bit.

I can’t believe that HTTYD 3 made me happy to have a Hiccstrid wedding. I’m not anti-Hiccstrid or anything. I’m rather ambivalent to shipping in general, but Hiccstrid in HTTYD 2 and into HTTYD 3 was good because it wasn’t full of angst or drama or sex, and so I was fine with them. When it came to a Hiccstrid wedding, though, I ranged from ambivalent to not really wanting one. I was worried that it would detract from the film’s narrative if they got married.

Boy, was I wrong.

The Hiccstrid wedding was about as perfect for me, a non-shipper, as it could have been. The thing is, the Hiccstrid wedding wasn’t just a wedding between Hiccup and Astrid, but the culmination of their character arcs and the pinnacle of their character development. The concept of their marriage also played a role in Valka’s - and also Stoick’s, by extension - character development, which is astounding. 

See, Astrid wasn’t ready to marry Hiccup, despite him being ready to marry her (I think). She wasn’t ready because Hiccup kept doubting himself as Chief and Astrid didn’t want to marry him until he believed in himself. And, like Valka pointed out, Hiccup didn’t really believe he was capable of being Chief without Toothless, so when he was struggling to protect Toothless while at the same time Toothless was being dragged away and Hiccup was realizing why that mattered, it really broke him. Especially from being defeated twice by Grimmel and risking the lives of his friends and family. 

I’m not going to get into discourse about whether or not Astrid’s character is feminist or whatnot because I don’t feel like opening that can of worms, but the truth of Hiccup’s arc is that he wouldn’t really be able to be Chief without Astrid’s help. Like Valka said, Hiccup “thinks he has to lead alone, because that’s what his father had to do.” But Hiccup doesn’t have to lead alone. He has Astrid, who is supposed to support him in his role as Chief. 

I’m fine with the Hiccstrid wedding for what it represents. It represents Hiccup realizing he can be Chief without Toothless and that he doesn’t have to lead alone. It represents Hiccup really, finally, coming to terms with who he is and what he’s capable of. And it represents Astrid helping Hiccup realize this, and also realize that he doesn’t have to go at it alone. What did Gobber call them? “Start acting like a proper royal couple.” It was part of their character development to realize that they actually can, and that’s what the wedding represents.

And all the discussions of leadership and weddings and whatnot also helped add depth to Valka’s character and also Stoick’s. Like. I completely forgot that Valka wasn’t just Stoick’s wife, but that she was the wife of a Chieftain. Before she left Berk, she had duties and worked alongside Stoick, who clearly loved her dearly. I’m glad she became kind of a mentor figure to Astrid in helping Astrid realize her own role as Hiccup’s girlfriend/wife/partner. It also makes me contemplate more on what she regrets about staying away from Berk and away from Stoick. Anyway I love Valka more now and will still defend her character to my death.

ALSO. Stoick. He was present for a grand total of two scenes in the form of flashbacks from Hiccup’s childhood, but boy oh boy did this movie give him some EXCELLENT character development. Stoick has always been my favorite character from a characterological standpoint and even though he was killed in the second film, I’m so overjoyed that HTTYD 3 added more depth to his already complex character. 

What we got were three major details about Stoick: he spent a lot of time searching for the Hidden World when Hiccup was a boy in order to make the world a safer place for his son; he missed Valka dearly and found it difficult to be Chief without her; and he was an excellent dragon hunter dedicated to eradicating dragons. Granted, this last one came from Grimmel and is definitely skewed towards making Hiccup discouraged, but it’s a fact that I think holds true from what we saw in the first film.

Where do I even begin with this? It helps explain Stoick’s drive in the first film for “one last search, before the ice sets in” and his desire to find the home of the dragons. Well, he found one, and for the rest of his lifetime, it was a time of peace and he was able to watch his son grow up into someone he was proud of (I’m still emotional about this). It shows how much he loved Hiccup, even when they were at odds in the first film. Like, I know that Stoick loved Hiccup, but just...this movie made it even more apparent. I have a lot of emotions about Stoick finally getting to have peace in his life after having it taken away from him because of war. Like....there’s a big contrast to how he dressed in the flashbacks and how he dressed in HTTYD, which is much rougher and less well-kept, because clearly the war was wearing on him. He was able to return to that sense of peace in HTTYD 2 as well. 

Honestly, HOW was this movie able to cram this many details about character relationships into a movie 104 minutes long, especially when most of the movie was about light-hearted moments or action sequences??? H O W. I’m even more impressed than I was with HTTYD 2, which is saying something. Do you understand why I’m crying yet?

And I haven’t even touched on all of the other things that just made HTTYD 3 so great to watch, which includes all of those light-hearted moments and action sequences and the music also the VISUALS???????????????????????? Like, the level of detail and scale for pretty much every scene was just so impressive that I do not think my brain is capable of comprehending how impressive it was. It was so real and yet so clearly animated??? I felt like I was watching something play out right in front of me instead of that I was watching a movie at certain times. I just. IMPRESSIVE.

Feeling some of that sublime in the philosophical sense. I just. Don’t even have the words to express what I feel about this movie. About this trilogy, and everything it’s done to me and for me. Like. I feel that the How to Train Your Dragon trilogy (plus Gift of the Night Fury) is the closest thing I’ve ever come to magic, if that makes sense? I just. There aren’t words I can use to describe these things.

I love it. I love this trilogy. I’m so glad it’s a part of my life.

[gavillain]

Maleficent

I guess I kinda like this one? ;)

Lol, jk, Maleficent (from Sleeping Beauty/Kingdom Hearts) is my favorite fictional character of all time. I love literally everything about her. All of this is on my villains’ list entry on my profile, but I’ll copy and paste it here so I can get my praise for her out there.

So oftentimes when I set out to explain why Maleficent is my favorite villain, I struggle a bit. Usually in villain list entries I just go over the elements to them that I like with a bit of analysis and personal narrative mixed in for good measure, and I'm certainly going to do a bit of that here. However, that's not really the big picture. Maleficent is more than the sum of her parts, more than whatever interesting analysis I could pin on her, more than some childhood story I can relate back to you. She's literally a villain I could go on for a paragraph gushing about how excited I get by the back of her head, I love her so much. She just transcends explanation; she is villainous perfection incarnate. She is the perfect model who all my other favorite villains are in some form or fashion a reaction to. She is fundamental.

Though really, when you get down to it, there's not really some big huge secret to why Maleficent is simply the best. She's just the perfect blending of elements to create a whole that never could have been achieved if anything was handled slightly differently. No other villain is quite that same perfect balance of threatening, regal, powerful, charismatic, entertaining, visually stunning, and intriguing all put into a single package. And because all of these facets to her are there, they create a solid entirety that can only truly be described as a masterpiece. 

So let's actually get into some of those parts that make Maleficent the greatest Disney villain of all time and my personal favorite villain period. First there's her name. The word "maleficent" is a Latin derived adjective meaning "doing evil or harm." Her very name describes the evil that she inflicts upon others. Yet, though "maleficent" is an English adjective, it's not one with widespread popular use. However, even to a casual viewer who might not know that "maleficent" is anything other than the character's name, the meaning behind her name still gives the same impression because it phonetically sounds like a blending of the more commonly used words "malevolent" and "magnificent." Her evil and regality both are phonetically ingrained within her very name, yet unlike the ridiculously derivative names that you may see crop up in bad fanfictions or pretentious fantasy novels, it still very much sounds like a name. It rolls off the tongue beautifully, yet it's not complex, and from the moment you hear it spoken, you know she's not someone to be trifled with.

The next big element to Maleficent that warrants discussion is, of course, her magnificent character design. And Disney is of course known for their incredible artistic vision, but, from where I'm standing, Maleficent is one of those figures where that vision is most apparent. Sleeping Beauty on the whole is designed to emulate the style of medieval tapestry, so for Maleficent to blend, she had to become essentially a meeting ground between the demonic religious symbolism apparent in pre-renaissance art as well as a believable human female form. She couldn't be too monstrous or the climax with the dragon wouldn't have the same emotional resonance, and she couldn't be too human or they'd risk her just looking like the Evil Queen again and clashing with the stylized and intentionally different look of the rest of the film. And if you look at the concept art for her, you'll see that it took a while to get to just the right design.

So why is this one of the great Disney villain designs to the point where it's pretty much the gold standard that all of the villains in the 90s were in some way looking to duplicate? Well, first of all, there's those medieval demonic elements that crept in. The horned headdress (yes, it's a hat) is the most obvious detail, clearly meant to invoke the idea of the Devil, later complimented by her vocally invoking all the powers of Hell. From these horns we know she's an inhuman force of evil and sin before she even speaks a line. Her dress has a motif of flames in the sleeves and train, again, invoking the notion of Hell fire, and the collar of the dress is based on bat wings. And not only does all of this character design shorthand her evil, it harmonizes together beautifully thanks to the purple, black, and green color scheme that is applied in just the right way. Not to mention, of course, that the entire design foreshadows her dragon transformation in the climax (put a pin in the dragon for now).

This design is one that honestly never fails to make me gush in awe. It's such an artistic masterpiece that flows so elegantly and powerfully that I by and large credit it's incredible design for getting me to love villains in the first place. When I said earlier that I could gush about the back of her head, I genuinely meant that. A lot of people scoff at character design being used as a metric for liking a character, but in the realm of animated film, character design and animation is job number one. And here's the truth of the matter: Maleficent would still be on a pedestal among Disney villains even if she was just this magnificent character design. But she's not. She's more than just this magnificent, unparalleled design.

When a design as beautiful as Maleficent's, finding a voice that can breathe life into it in a way that harmonizes and accentuates the quality of the design is not an easy task. A poor voice casting could have killed Maleficent right where she stood. Thankfully, Walt personally suggested that they bring back Eleanor Audley, who had previously worked with them on Lady Tremaine. Audley of course blended so well with the animation because she was such a talented actress and because Maleficent's facial expressions were modeled on Audley's own. But Audley in general turned in the greatest performance as a villain that I have ever seen. Her delivery is just melodic, and she brings a great degree of power, control, and arrogance to the role simply through voice. It's absolutely stunning.

Of course, Audley's not working alone on that front. The actual dialogue writing on Maleficent is top tier stuff as well. These two elements working in perfect harmony helps gives Maleficent one of the most subtle yet charismatic personalities in all of Disney. She's stern, powerful, and she inspires fear in all who encounter, yet she's not just some domineering bully. She also has a delicious little playful quality to her, such as when she pretends like she's embarrassed about showing up unwanted and pretending to leave without causing a scene directly before cursing Aurora. She's coy, and she uses that to play with her enemies' emotions. But if you test her, she'll explode in violent storming rage. She's this beautiful blend of powerful regality, playful coyness, and loud wrathfulness – a perfect evil personality.

Her role in the story isn't especially complex. She's a fairytale villain, and she fulfills that role nicely. She's not complex or deep with a tragic backstory; she doesn't need to be. She's a fantasy evil incarnate, and she does it marvelously. Every bit of misfortunate that befalls the characters in Sleeping Beauty is directly attributable to her. She allows her minions to do some of the dirty work, but most of the time she's right there taking action for herself. She curses Aurora, causing King Stefan and Queen Leah to miss out on raising their daughter, and she later kidnaps Prince Phillip and plans to keep him locked away until he's an old man so that when he awakens Aurora, he'll be old and she'll be young. She uses time as a weapon to inflict suffering and misery. For all that she hurls lightning, her modus operandi is almost always to cause internal pain and strife, and I love that quality to her.

A lot of people tend to oversimplify and misrepresent her motivation as her just being upset that she wasn't invited to a birthday party, and, honestly, that's such a blatant oversimplification that it barely deserves to be dignified. Maleficent is a villain entirely motivated by her arrogance and desire for respect. Any act of disrespect to her is an act of war, no matter how insignificant it might seem. She lets no affront to her go unpunished, and that's why she's so terrifying. Though also, what's nice about how her motivations aren't spoon-fed to the audience is that it leaves a lot of room for interpretation. We're left with a lot of questions about why Maleficent cares so much about disrespect, and every possible answer makes her more interesting. She's a perfect example of how effective "less is more" can be in storytelling.

And of course, it all culminates in the best finale ever put into a Disney film: the final battle against the dragon. Actually, there's no dragon anywhere in the original Sleeping Beauty fairytale, but because Sleeping Beauty was striving to be a grand medieval fairytale fantasy epic unlike anything the studio had ever produced, and because having Prince Phillip throw a sword into a human looking Maleficent would be unseemly for a family film, they decided to put the cherry on top with the most recognizable medieval fantasy creature to face against the brave knight in shining armor. And it really is the perfect climax to the story. Prince Phillip, who is wielding the Sword of Truth and Shield of Virtue and fighting on behalf of true love, clashes against Maleficent, who invokes all the powers of Hell to become a Satanic creature motivated by hate and pain. It is the ultimate symbolic battle of good triumphing over evil, and the fact that Maleficent so perfectly incarnates that evil makes it all come together.

So, naturally, it is already very apparent that I greatly admire and enjoy Maleficent and think she's an incredible villain. Yet, the question still remains: why is she the number one spot? Why was she the villain who clicked with me on such a profound level that I can write an over four thousand word essay on how much I like her purely recreationally? The answer is honestly pretty simple: consistency. Maleficent is the one villain who, no matter where I am in my life, she's always to some extent at play. 

She was my favorite villain when I was a kid whose movie's tape I wore out rewatching. She was my favorite villain to drag my parents to the Disney store and start my collection of villain merchandise I have to this day. She was my favorite villain at the Disney parks when I'd visit and watch her in the shows. She was my favorite video game villain when I got into Kingdom Hearts as I got older. She was my roleplay character who I played on the side while playing Hades. She was my favorite villain to edit with when doing the villain tournaments. She’s my favorite villain who I write for on a consistent basis with my fanfic. And she's my favorite villain now with all of that looking back and still having the same enthusiasm for her as the first time I watched the movie.

In a kind of bizarre way, Maleficent has been one of the biggest constants in my life. No matter how things have changed, no matter where I've gone or what I've become, she's always been right there, holding my hand through all of it. Other villains and characters, love them though I do, come and go in phases. Maleficent never does. She's always there, and in some way, every single villain who I love has some element that links them back to her. She's that inescapable bedrock to everything fictional that I love and hold dear.

She's the Mistress of All Evil, one of the greatest villains of all time, the single most important fictional character in my life, and my absolute personal favorite. Long may she reign!

[xfcklprtehkrx]

Follow the Music

Received this question from @beyondkailani​ : I'd be interested in your views on the episode titles, especially those released for season 2. I find some of the implications interesting - Sex and Candy being followed immediately by Como la flor for example. Very different in tone!

Okay the episode song titles thing is really fun.  For S01 I was familiar with every song, and yay cause even some of my old favorite bands in there.  Nirvana, Everclear, Aerosmith, and Counting Crows?  Can’t go wrong.  Once the episode with Rosa’s CD happened I realized the episode titles were doing the same thing, but I think for most episodes it’s way more literal than others. Since we’ve made it through S01 already I’m gonna mostly focus on S02.

I made a youtube playlist with lyrics for the sake of review: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu6cxfqCMO9l7f1jJlLLgCzQELAo7W-BZ

2X1 Stay (I Missed You) (Lisa Loeb) Okay this song, the lyrics are 100% about Michael and Alex.  Lyrics strangely seem like the inevitable moment of real separation between them because Michael is with someone else.  It also smacks a little bit of their reluctance to let go of each other for so long.  Now the title could be a direct point to both Rosa and Max seeming to be dead at the end of S01.  I mean Rosa was dead for 10 years.  She can’t just come back to life, so if she’s going to live, she can’t stay in Roswell. Even if Rosa could stay, what about all her drama with Isobel?  Problems. I mean she was Noah at the time, but Rosa doesn’t know that, so they can either tell her or have it be a constant problem.  There’s also a chance Rosa already knows and she was going to tell her dad, so she doesn’t exactly scream ‘support the alien conspiracy’ to me.

I don't pay attention To the distance That you're running or to Anyone anywhere

I don't understand if you really care I'm only hearing negative, no no no, bad

So I, I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up And this woman was singing my song Lovers in love and the other's run away Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay

And you said that I was naive And I thought that I was strong I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave" Oh but now I know that I was wrong 'Cause I missed you Yeah, I missed you

You said, "you caught me cause you want me And one day I'll let you go" You try to give away a keeper Or keep me 'cause you know you're just so Scared to lose

2X2 Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space (Spiritualized) This one is all ‘I can’t help falling in love with you’.  That speaks to me of Michael and Maria.  Could also be a Liz leans on Kyle thing too, assuming Max is still dead.  She does always run back to him, which is super unfair to Kyle.  Maybe it’s also something good for Isobel.  She deserves a new love after everything with Noah, so I’d rather it go that route than either of the other two. 

2X3 Good Mother (Jann Arden) This episode will probably revolve around Maria’s mother, and since I predicted before that Michael’s hand and Maria’s desperation to find a cure for her mother could go sideways, I suspect some of that will happen here.

2X4 What If God Was One of Us (Joan Osbourne) As a Malex shipper I admit this is the one that interested me the most since Tyler Blackburn confirmed in this episode Alex gets a new love interest.  I can’t see how this would relate to Alex in anyway, so I was disappointed to not get any further insight.  

Now the lyrics make me suspect this is when Michael tells Maria he’s an alien. I mean yeah it’s ‘god’ not ‘alien’ but still some similarity there to me.

If God had a face what would it look like? And would you want to see if, seeing meant That you would have to believe in things like heaven And in Jesus and the saints, and all the prophets?

2X5 I'll Stand By You (The Pretenders) I see so many things in this one. -Rosa(assuming she’s still alive)/Liz -Max(if he’s back)/Liz -Max(if he’s back)/Isobel -Michael/Max and/or Isobel. -Kyle always being there for Liz even though he’s sort of a doormat -Kyle and Alex’s rekindled childhood friendship and Kyle being there for Alex -Tragedy strikes so Alex and Maria make up and he’s there for her or vice versa (even though I don’t foresee that lasting)

This could touch so many of the relationships on this show.  It’s too generic to me, and we won’t know until we get there.  Especially since so much will hinge on how they decide to handle Rosa still being alive and Max being dead.

2X6 Sex and Candy (Macy’s Playground) Now I know the word sex is in the title, but I never interpreted this in a literal way. I always assumed it was about eye sex.  His eyes meeting across the room with this fantasy girl and he’s surprised she’s looking back.  So maybe something romantic for Isobel or Alex.  I assume by this point Maria and Michael will be together so nothing to do with them.

Hangin' round downtown by myself And I had so much time To sit and think about myself And then there she was

I smell sex and candy here Who's that lounging in my chair Who's that casting devious stares In my direction

Mama this surely is a dream Yeah mama this surely is a dream

2X7 Como La Flor (Selena) I don’t speak Spanish so I had to check out a translation for this one, but this one breaks my heart.  It’s all about losing the one you love and letting them be happy with someone else. I could almost ugly cry at the implications of this song.

I know you have a new love However I wish you the best If in me, you didn't find happiness Maybe someone else will give it to you

If you saw how it hurts to lose your love With your goodbye, you take my heart I don't know if I can love again Because I gave you all the love I could give

2X8 Say It Ain't So (Wheezer) This song following the last song makes me feel like I am right about the main subject for that episode since it seems to follow the exact same line of thought, but it actually doesn’t.  I suspect Jesse Manes will make an appearance here.  This song is actually about a boy’s fear of his father’s alcoholism.  Then again, if the person who picked it didn’t actually know what the song was really about then yes, it follows the theme of the previous song.

2X9 The Diner So I wasn’t 100% sure which song this was referencing.  My mind immediately went to Tom’s Diner by Suzanne Vega, which I won’t lie, I had stuck in my head for like 6 years because I couldn’t figure out what the song was so I never heard it again.  When I finally did it was sweet relief.  Now there’s a ‘The Diner’ by Kaskade but it’s really just a remix of her song, so I’m going to assume that’s the song.

Now absolutely nothing in this song draws me back to this show.  There is a verse at the very end that seems like it might be significant, but it’s not in the ‘the diner’ version.   Then again, it could just be that the episode takes place surrounding the Crashdown, and the song title is literal.

Oh, this rain It will continue Through the morning As I'm listening To the bells Of the cathedral I am thinking Of your voice And of the midnight picnic Once upon a time Before the rain began

1X10 American Woman (Lenny Kravitz) This seems way out there, but this song makes me think of an outsider government/military type showing up to investigate and stir the pot.

So beyondkailani had directly commented on the contrast between 2X6 and 2X7.  I agree. Different in every way, but I’m not sure it has any meaning beyond trying to find song titles that fit the narrative, but then I think ‘no way’, and I’m sure it must be something more complicated.  I’m still digesting how I feel because the songs do bounce all over the place as far as genre.  

In S01 I felt like 75% of the song titles it was just the title that related to the episode.  I’m sure the lyrics also add to it, but mostly I think they were chosen just for their titles.  There are some episodes where it must be the lyrics that had meaning because I can’t see another connection (1X4, 1X10), but for most, it’s just the title.

Per example: -Don’t Speak is a break up song and I suppose you could attach a secondary meaning of the loss of your faith in someone to this song, but that’s a tough sell for me. -Smells like Teen Spirit on the teen revisit episode and I assure you the song is not actually about being a teenager… -I Saw the Sign on the episode where Liz finds a possible motive for why Isobel killed Rosa when this is actually also a break-up song of sorts. -Champagne Supernova on the Gala episode -Creep for the prison and Noah revealing the full extent of his actions (yet the song is actually about wanting someone who you think is amazing to love you but thinking in comparison to them you are nothing).  Now that I’m reconsidering this one the lyrics may also have value here. Originally I hadn’t considered that the lyrics might represent Noah’s feelings about Rosa.  Rosa not being an active character I didn’t consider her as part of the equation the first time.

I added some of these to the playlist at the top as well. 1X1-Pilot 1X2-So Much for the Afterglow 1X3-Tearin' Up My Heart 1X4-Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? 1X5-Don't Speak 1X6-Smells Like Teen Spirit 1X7-I Saw the Sign 1X8-Barely Breathing 1X9-Songs About Texas 1X10-I Don't Want to Miss a Thing 1X11-Champagne Supernova 1X12-Creep 1X13-Recovering the Satellites

Now all of this could be totally moot since most of the songs in S01 are just about the title and I focused on content to make conjectures.  This was really fun for me though.

[sometimesrosy]

You said you were sure they were telling a 2 season story so we will get canon Bellarke in s6 but you are already talking about s7 and ‘established Bellarke’ lol which means they won’t be canon in s6. And when we see s7 to see ‘established Bellarke’ you will say they are giving us a satisfying love story so we will see established Bellarke in s8. There’s no end to this and it’s so funny that you don’t even notice your choice of words you already know you are wrong you just can’t admit it i think

I should block you but you’re polite at least, so I’m going to answer this.

I don’t think you understand what it means to be “wrong” about a speculation or interpretation of a story.

If you speculate, you aren’t wrong until it happens in canon differently how you said it would. I cannot be wrong about s6 before s6 starts. It’s still just speculation.

My interpretation that we are getting a two season story for a lot of the current story lines is also not wrong yet. But it is based on the mutliple s5 storylines that were not concluded in s5, but stopped in the middle, without conclusion, but with significant set up for how they might conclude.

I cannot KNOW if they will finish each story. But I do know that they left Bellarke, the blake siblings, madi being commander, raven’s character arc and princess mechanic, kabby, and B/E all with major elements waiting to be told, so that we don’t feel like we know what is happening. Clarke hasn’t even reunited with Raven and Murphy yet. They have two big secrets hanging over us, which will affect two main relationships. The Flame is still a mystery but Madi has a teacher, raven didn’t get the character arc she usually gets in half a season, Abby is still struggling with addiction, Kabby is still on edge, and Kane still might die. And B/E is being set up to break up. All those story elements are in place, but unrelated to the main concluded storyline. 

This is story structure. I cannot TELL what story structure the writers will choose for the next season, but I CAN look at last season’s story structure and see how they have left the audience hanging. Now, if you don’t understand story structure, and can’t see the story from an outside perspective, but only from within the narrative and how the characters and actions make you feel, you might only come away with the feeling that the story is UNFINISHED. Wanting. LIke you’re being cheated of your deserved outcome.

When people say, “THEY BETTER FIX MY FAVORITE RELATIONSHIPS OR I’M GONNA SUE,” that’s how it feels when a story has been left unresolved. If you don’t understand how stories work and you don’t trust the writers, you think the story is just jerking you around and the writers are ruining your favorite characters/ships.

But I am a literal professional. I write and analyze and teach and I have degrees and I have national certifications to authorize me in explaining to people how the stories are made. I’m not making it up. It is not delusional to analyze a story. It IS possible to understand a story being told and figure out which tropes are being you and there are official, academic ways to understand these narrative. Which, I might add, JR ALSO studied when he was learning how to tell stories. At the same time that I was learning how to tell stories. I think I have a particular insight into JRs stories because we are essentially both scifi geeks growing up at about the same time and studying writing at about the same time. Same background. Same language. He was raised on the same pop-culture I was. So I recognize his references. 

Can I be wrong. YOU BET. OF COURSE. I was wrong about them kissing in s5. When I was wrong, I asked myself why I went wrong. Ok. I’ll tell you. Because I was shipping. I wanted them to kiss. Also because I was diminishing the element of romance within the Bellarke story (because it’s scifi, so there’s a bit of scifi bias there,) I didn’t see why they needed to delay it or have ANOTHER obstacle. I wanted to rush it. I was being #teamfuckingkissalready. My bad. JR rushed other romances, I didn’t see why he couldn’t rush Bellarke. And I have never considered B/E to be a real danger, but always the romantic obstacle. This is because I know the trope and the stakes of the love triangle are not high enough for me, because I know Bellamy will pick Clarke and I don’t need to know how. (But HOW is the romance genre story. See? More scifi bias. I diminished the romance story because it wasn’t as important to me.)

So that’s WHY I was wrong. My bias. Lack of patience. So I went back to examine my theories about s5. More rushing. When I realized they were doing B/E I immediately recognized the love triangle trope. And because I immediately recognized it, I jumped over the story in my head. I knew how it would turn out, so I was like “okay that’s done, let’s go.” When I heard the first four episodes only portrayed about one day, something in my head went, “uh oh, you’re theory’s off. this is going much slower than you thought and there’s no time for the love triangle to resolve.” But because I was shipping, I said, “PISH POSH BRING ON THE BELLARKE!” and I ignored the understanding that the narrative required me to slow down. I ignored my own understanding of story structure so I could get what I wanted.

When I look at my speculation WITHOUT the rushing though, it’s like a path, where it hits certain benchmarks so that it can get to the next one. WhenI look at the narrative of season 5, it is hitting a lot of those benchmarks that I said would happen, but it only got half way. It didn’t take a different path than I said it would. It is telling the same story that I said it was going to tell, but it is only half way on the story. It did do something, however, that I did not expect, because I was being impatient. It SET UP the story. 

I don’t need the set up, because I can see the story without having it spelled out for me. YOU, apparently, need the story drawn out and the colors numbered and little pots of paint so you know what goes where before you can see what the picture is showing. Fair enough. I’m not actually the general audience. I have inside information on story and narrative and scifi. I know the story before he tells it because I know what conventions he’s using, because if I were writing it, I would be making sure I hit those benchmarks. And, just so you know, I know he is actively working on those benchmarks, because he keeps hitting them. And he also, in season 5, went back and addressed some major issues with OLD storylines so that we could have closure on them. Which tells me more about the NON-romantic storyline, and gives me faith that romantic storyline is indeed a slow burn, intentional story that coincides with these moral, philosophical, thematic storylines that he is wrapping up.

Let me tell you something. This story is almost over. The characters are becoming the heroes they were meant to be. We have Bellamy for evidence, and Clarke is finally coming out of her “love is weakness” cloud. The grounders are gone. The earth is gone. Bellarke are together. The phase of the story that is ended is the one where Clarke and Bellamy have to fight to survive. They’ve broken the cycle of violence and the new story is…. now this is speculation but I think there’s textual evidence for it…. Clarke and Bellamy fighting to LIVE. This is a theme that we had in season 1 but the characters could never get to because they were always fighting to survive. NOW they have actively turned to wanting to live well, to deserving to survive, and to LOVING. The people who have lost faith are finding it again. The people who never believed are now The Good Guys.

Now that I’ve gone exhaustively through how I was wrong in season 5, why I was wrong, and what I do when I am wrong, I could make a long list of all the ways I have been right about this show, but I won’t. I find I am less interested in proving myself right than I am in showing you how to think about things, even when you are wrong. How you can UNDERSTAND things and evaluate your own thinking and double check your own interpretations. So I am instead going to turn to where YOU are wrong. :) 

First you don’t understand what it means to be wrong. Or in what ways I was wrong. You can be wrong about some of your interpretation, and right about other parts. Also, being doesn’t mean you are no good. Also my interpretations aren’t really about being right or wrong, but about ways to think about story and evidence. Also, it’s not a big deal if you’re wrong about an interpretation of a tv show because it’s just a tv show, and having a wrong interpretation doesn’t mean you don’t or can’t understand, you are delusional, or your whole career and academic discipline is a fake. It’s a discipline, a way to understand things. Being off track just means that you find a different path to understanding. You also learn from when you are wrong by saying, “Oh well I was wrong, let me look at that differently and see what I can learn from it.” So where I was wrong can actually teach me more about what’s happening in the story than being right. Like way back in season 3 I was wrong to say L was NO kind of hero (because I didn’t like her) so I looked at what the other person was saying and asked myself. Okay then. Maybe she IS a hero. Let me check her against the heroic conventions. And fucking GOOGLED heroic conventions and I said. OH HOLY HECK SHE’S A CLASSIC TRAGIC HERO. Like Hamlet or Macbeth. Her part in the story painted her as the tragic hero of a tragedy. While Clarke was still the hero of the main story. Being wrong helped me to understand the story MUCH better. :)

Y’all should stop being so afraid of being wrong. That’s how you learn and grow and get better and understand the world. 

Also. You are confused about some terms.

There are different ways to understand a romance. And fandom has come up with changing definitions of what a Canon Romance is. That doesn’t mean the story isn’t a romance or a love story. That means fandom is changing the benchmark every time Bellarke hits it. Which means fandom definitions are wrong. Because a definitions helps us understand something, and if you change it every time it is correct, you are no longer using the word correctly and it becomes meaningless. Yes, language is fluid. No that does not mean you can just stop words from meaning what they mean, you are not Donald Trump. 

Fandom tends to use the words “canon romance” to be one of three things. Kiss/Confession/Sex. Fandom does not believe that a romance is canon unless it has those things. Sometimes ONE of those things will be enough. Sometimes ALL of them need to be present. They also require the word “Love” to be used. HOWEVER, that word seems to change. Because Octavia told Bellamy that Clarke was a “traitor who you love,” and has fandom has since been trying to bend over backwards to prove that it was platonic, despite being a comparison to his completely non platonic girlfriend. So Bellarke actually hit a slant benchmark with the declaration of love, but fandom refuses to accept that as proof of a canon love. Despite it being canon. About how Bellamy loves clarke romantically. IDK. 

So that’s a problem with the kiss/confess/sex definition of canon. Another problem is that we have canon kiss/confess/sex from CL Kabby, Linctavia, Marper, Memori and from Flarke, and those are considered canon romances. We have canon kiss/sex, with no confess from Br/aven and Niylarke, and those are both considered canon romances, despite br/aven being actually platonic since then and niylarke just being friends, while canon kiss/sex, still with no actual confession B/E is being moved into the “endgame” category by MUCH of fandom.  We have canon kiss/confess for Maya and Jasper (one sided) and for Mackson, which is established for SIX YEARS. And then we have all Bellamy’s season 1 conquests which could be just kissing or simply laying in bed together. Now ALL of those are considered canon romances, despite having MANY different meanings, from nothing but a fuck, to actual life long many decades committed endgame. But they are all accepted as a canon romance. 

But the couple who has been declared and shown to be the ACTUAL CENTRAL RELATIONSHIP ON THE SHOW is not good enough for you to consider canon.

They love each other romantically, and that is CANON. Which makes it a Canon Romance. NOT platonic, no matter how many times fandom throws that word around. Because platonic love is not allowed to have romantic feelings. And feelings of jealousy and longing and pining and love like your girlfriend are expressing romantic interest. 

ALSO, a canon romance is a romance story that is being told in the canon. One of the really odd definition of canon romance fandom gives actually excludes the hero and heroine of an actual love story from being canon. Why? Because a love story is ABOUT two people falling in love and getting together. And, depending on the story being told, that means that while there should be moments where they get closer and the interest or possibility is revealed, the story is ACTUALLY ABOUT THEM NOT BEING TOGETHER. AND HOW THEY FIND EACH OTHER. AND GET PAST THE OBSTACLES IN THEIR WAY.

A love story that does not have obstacles or separations is not a love story. Because love stories are how they go from not being in love to being in love. If the story starts with being in love and they stay in love, it’s not a love story, it’s an established relationships story. If a story starts with being in love and ends with them not being in love, it’s a break up story. If a story starts with a couple being in love and discovers another person whom one of the partners falls in love with, whether that partner chooses the original love or the new love, that’s a LOVE TRIANGLE. If they choose the first partner, it’s an affair story that overcomes odds. If they choose the second partner, it’s a love story. Because it goes from them not being together to the being together. SO one defining characteristic of a love story is that for at least PART of the time of the story, the lovers are NOT TOGETHER. That means that being NOT TOGETHER is part of ANY canon love story. And for SOME stories, that means that the lovers are not together all the way until the climax of the action. Because the climax of the action IS THEM GETTING TOGETHER.

You would NEVER say that Elizebeth and Darcy is not a canon love story. But by fandom definitions, until the end, there is no love story AT ALL, and Elizabeth and Darcy are not canon. And it just makes me FURIOUS that all you supposed shippers are going around IGNORING the story of deepening love, because they haven’t boinked. THAT IS NOT WHAT A LOVE STORY IS.

Go back over that crowd of fandom approved canon ships. Most of them were two ships passing in the night. Some of them were real love but over. Some of them are background relationships that get no story development. And meanwhile, we have BELLARKE, which is given FIVE SEASONS of growth and development and ever intensifying feelings, and you’re like, nope. It’s not romantic. You’re all fake shippers. Shippers look for the love. But the more love you get on screen between Bellarke, the more you’re like, nope, it’s not happening. 

NOW. Let’s talk about what you say I said.

As established, a canon romance can mean many things. When I talk to fandom, I generally mean a kiss/confession/sex. Because that seems to be the definition for those of you who don’t understand what love is.  Despite a kiss meaning very little, sex being, in this world, quite likely to just be scratching an itch not proof of love at all, and the word “love” being just a word. Finn said he loved Clarke and Raven, but how did that show up in his actions or how he treated them? IDK man. Y’all are looking for the cheap show without any depth. but okay. That’s what you want. So when I say CANON, I say I think Bellamy and Clarke will kiss, confess and/or have sex in season 6.

None of that makes a relationship established, bunny rabbit. Established relationships are: Marper, Kabby, Linctavia, Bellina, B/E, Finn and Raven, Mackson, Briller, Memori, Jake and Abby. An established relationship is one that is acknowledged IN CANON as romantic and committed couple. That’s boyfriend/girlfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife etc. 

CL and Flarke were NEVER established relationships. Both were secret. They were not public about it. They were not committed. They were more than one night stands, but they were NEVER declared a relationship by ANY of the characters involved. They were a physical expression of feeling and THEN a break up, because he was cheating in Flarke’s case, and because she was trying to kill Clarke’s people in CLs case (she then died which ensured that Clarke was traumatized and they never got to see if it ever COULD work out. But before that they never made an attempt. That was a goodbye.)

Established relationships =/= as fandom definition of canon relationship. Which is silly. Fandom wants the definition that doesn’t actual define love or romance or commitment. And they will accept canon porn as a more valid love story than an actual love story where the heroes have not kissed yet. :/

So here is what I am saying about Bellarke that you don’t understand.

Bellarke is a love story: Bellarke is the central love story of The 100. It IS a love story that has been CONSISTENTLY developed for 5 seasons and is being pushed into romantic NOW at the end of s4 and all of s5. Bellarke is a love story. Whether or not they have kiss/confess/sex yet. It is a love story like Pride and Prejudice in which the development of feelings grows without physical contact or verbal acknowledgement until nearer the end. To me, as a writer, I know that the main relationship in a love story is a CANON ROMANCE, because it is ABOUT how they fall in love, even if they are not always IN a relationship. They are the love story. But that is not how fandom thinks of canon romance.

Bellarke currently have unstated but returned canon romantic feelings: It is CURRENTLY a canon ROMANCE, because there is a love triangle between Clarke, Bellamy, and Echo. We have canon feelings on all three sides. Bellamy returns romantic feelings for BOTH Clarke AND Echo. It has been revealed with CANON dialogue, action, narrative, and visuals. A love triangle means it is canon romance. If someone WANTS to ship them, that is enough to count as a canon romance, but if someone wants to be an anti, they will dispute and say it’s not canon until kiss/confess/sex.

I speculate there will be fandom approved canon Bellarke ( a kiss/confession/sex scene) next season: This is speculation. But I know it’s a love story and Belarke are in love and everyone knows except Echo and Bellarke. The love triangle will be resolved next season because it has been set up that way. And that is the next step. Bellamy will break up with echo and however long it takes, begin a romantic relationship expressed physically with Clarke. 

I speculate that season 7 will be an ESTABLISHED Bellarke relationship: That means that when it goes physical in season 6, it might take some time to sort out what it means, but their feelings are so deep that they will commit to each other by announcing their relationship to their community. They’re already “married” now they will get to kiss in public. Their deep soulmate relationship will be recognized not just as girlfriend and boyfriend but something closer to husband and wife. 

You are complaining that I’m confused and wrong, when you don’t realize that Love story, canon romance, established relationship are all different things. You complain about my word choice without realizing that I am saying different things. I guess you think I’m not being specific? No. I’m being quite specific and delineating different kinds of and levels of romantic relationships in stories. You think these are vague terms because fandom doesn’t think past boinking.

I also believe that The 100 will end at season 7. I could definitely be wrong about that. It’s not about story, it’s about hollywood and I don’t understand hollywood and how they make their choices, or I’m not interested in understanding or something? 

But I see the story winding down. I said it could end in season 5… and it did. With the end of book 1, but there was still story to be told. And we still have more show. Hurrah. JR has said that he could end the show in five or seven seasons or he could go on forever. So I can see the end of season 7, because a lot of the storylines we have been going through are wrapping up. A main one is Bellarke. JR has brought them back together, as soulmates, aligned together to be the good guys. That is the 1-5 season story. It has set Bellarke up to now REDEEM humanity, not just save them from destruction, but build a better world because they are now choosing to be the good guys. It has ALSO set up Bellarke to become romantic finally, by putting their non-romantic relationship into a romantic love triangle with Echo between them, and by having Monty tell them to live life and be as happy as he and Harper (endgame romance.) Can Echo be SATISFIED with Bellamy loving his “non-romantic” partner more than he loves her? You know what? If you think thats a good story, you keep on thinking that’s gonna happen. I think the better story is that the hero and heroine who have spent five seasons FIGHTING to be together ACTUALLY get together and get to show their actual romantic feelings for each other. 

I think JR gave us a whole season of Bellarke reuniting and sorting out their romantic feelings for each other, and will give us a whole season of them trying to figure out how to ACT on their feelings for each other, ending the season with a commitment to be together, ROMANTICALLY and in public (along with saving/redeeming their people) and that in season 7, that commitment and acknowledgment will result in full established relationship as they FINALLY get to be TOGETHER while they’re together, without the doubts and fears and insecurity. As mature adults who love each other and know each other and support each other and make each other stronger. So that they can create the new world and START the new cycle without violence, war or abuse, but rather love, unity and growth. And we will end with Clarke and Bellamy being the matched pair, the king and queen, nomon and nontu, Mother and father of a new age of humanity. It’s an origin story for a future mythology. 

But I don’t know. I guess you think JR is just fucking with us because he’s a bastard. You’re real good at storytelling. Thanks for the insight. 

[yaz-the-spaz]

dRuNk/Like I Would/Let Me/Dusk Till Dawn

[Because apparently i’m on a song-inspired fic kick lately lol but this was also mainly just an excuse to get out my headcanon for the story behind like i would and i figured why not throw in a bit of back story and a conclusion by exploring a couple of the other songs too]

[Read it on ao3 here]

Summary: “Happy birthday, I guess,” Zayn says, trying and failing to keep the bitterness out of his voice at the fact that this is his third call and Liam still hasn’t answered. At the fact that he’s with her. At a party that Zayn wasn’t invited to...

Or: A series of drabbles based on the themes of the aforementioned songs…basically my headcanons for the moments that inspired these songs (these aren’t songfics though)

Disclaimer: Before anyone gets mad at me for this i wanna make clear that this is not at all meant to make Liam off to be the bad guy even though it might come off that way at first, this is just an expression of my headcanon of how Zayn might have seen/felt about things at the time based on my interpretation of the songs and seeing as this is told from a very one-sided pov things are gonna come off skewed just like they would in real life

*Also the interlude part is not meant to be a reference to the actual song called interlude from m.o.m. it’s just a general interlude in the story, like a break to set up for the shift in the narrative while still keeping in line with the song theme by using song/music terminology

dRuNk

Zayn feels like Liam’s invaded his senses. Like all he eats, sleeps, and breathes anymore is Liam. Liam Liam Liam. He’d never known it was possible to feel so intoxicated by someone before but that’s how it feels whenever he’s in Liam’s orbit. Like he’s shifted into another plane of existence where the only thing in focus is Liam, the only thing he can smell, see, hear, taste, touch, is Liam, everything else blurring to the background like white noise.

Late summer nights stumbling into hotel rooms together, eyes red and words slurring together, hands and lips mapping out each other’s skin till they’re breathless with want and all the things they’re too afraid to say in the light of day.

Zayn feels like the summer passes in a haze and every second spent apart from Liam feels like going through withdrawal. He wants Liam to know how much he needs him, how much Zayn feels like he can’t breathe without him, but he doesn’t wanna scare Liam away. Liam has this heady kind of effect on him though, makes him want to pour out everything inside him and never stop.

But Zayn always wakes up to an empty bed because Liam never stays till the morning. Half acts like this whatever between them is just a transient thing and Zayn’s not sure how much of it is Liam convincing himself that’s how Zayn sees it or just Liam being unwilling to admit to himself that this might actually be something. Not that it really matters. Because they don’t talk about it in the light of day, the hazy memories half lost to drunken amnesia and the ones purposefully forgotten, purposefully buried to keep things from becoming too real. But when night hits and the drinks start flowing again they’re both too gone to stop. Gone on this life, gone on each other, gone on what might just be love.

 Like I Would

“Happy birthday, I guess,” Zayn says, trying and failing to keep the bitterness out of his voice at the fact that this is his third call and Liam still hasn’t answered. At the fact that he’s with her. At a party that Zayn wasn’t invited to because she’s a vindictive—Zayn stops the thought before he can finish it. He won’t call her what he’s really thinking, even if she is. He hates using that word for any woman but if there was ever a case for someone who deserved it, it would be her. The way she drags Liam around like he’s some sort of fucking prize to be won, makes him feel like shit about himself on a near-constant basis, and then flashes that sweet smile for the cameras, lapping up the attention and milking it for all she can get while Liam walks around like a ghost, forcing his way through all the photo ops of fake dates and couple’s outings. She’d hooked her claws into him from the start like a lion going for its prey and Liam—sweet, trusting Liam—had bashfully welcomed the attention like a sunflower desperately seeking the light, unaware of the insidious ulterior motives lurking behind her carefully crafted facade until she finally showed herself for what she really was.

Now that Liam knows the truth he mostly just tolerates her, but what really pisses Zayn off is that he fact he’s still choosing her. He think he needs her. In some fucked up incarnation of the storybook ending he’s likely made up for himself in his head—a wife and a white picket fence and all that other bullshit. Doesn’t want to handle what confronting the truth about whatever this is between him and Zayn might mean for him. For himself, for their careers, for their images. Zayn worries about that too. Of course he does. But he doesn’t think it’s fair to just throw away what they could be, what they could have, for the sake of all of that. Because what is love if it’s not worth a risk, even one as big as this one, for a chance at a lifetime of happiness? Liam’s clearly chosen to go the route of pretending like none of that matters though. Like none of anything that’s happened between them the last few months—hell, the last two years—matters.

So yeah Zayn’s bitter.

But if Liam wants to be selfish enough to pull a dick move like this, that’s fine. Because two can play at that game.

“Hope you’re having a good time,” he says, not even trying to hide the sarcasm in his voice this time round, even knowing how it’ll come off. Because they haven’t talked in a while—or what constitutes a while for them anyway, codependent as they’ve all become—mostly because of who Zayn knows he’s with right now. So him leaving an acid-laced voicemail like this while he’s out for a smoke is a pretty shitty thing to do, especially when the last time they talked was on such good terms.

But he also knows that he doesn’t really need to explain himself because Liam will know exactly why he’s so angry, no matter how much Liam might try to keep up the game of pretending like he doesn’t. That’s one of the things he loves about Liam, that he knows Zayn so well, knows exactly how to gauge his moods and how to respond or how not to respond, when to give him space and when to crowd him in because he’s not usually one to be very vocal about his emotions though Liam sometimes brings it out of him. But at moments like these it’s both a blessing and curse because as much as Liam brings out the good in him he’s also one of the only ones who can get Zayn riled up enough to go and do something stupid and shitty like this. No going back now though, he’s already in too deep. He might as well finish what he started and lay his bed.

“Don’t bother calling back when you get this cause I probably won’t answer. Be too busy getting smashed with Lou. Just thought I’d give the birthday boy my regards. Give Danielle a one-fingered salute for me, and enjoy your shitty birthday sex. Just remember she’ll never fuck you like I would.”

He drops the butt of his cigarette to the ground, crushes it under his boot in the same moment he pockets his phone. He knows he’ll regret it later. It was a cruel thing to say regardless and that’s on top of the fact that he and Liam haven’t even gone that far yet. But he’d come out here in a really good mood, buzzing and high on life and just wanting a moment to share it with Liam and wish him a happy birthday, only to have all his calls ignored while Liam spends the night with her. So sue him for feeling a bit vindictive and wanting to bring Liam down with him like Liam did him. He’s only human, and a pretty shitty one at that, he knows that. He’s still a thousand times better than her. But Liam’s clearly made his choice. And now Zayn’s made his.

 Interlude

Things come to a bit of a head in Vegas and the irony of the city’s tagline isn’t lost on Zayn. He’s half convinced at this point that the universe is just fucking with him for shits and giggles. And Liam’s not much better to be honest. Keeps turning those sad eyes on him like a lovesick puppy as if Zayn doesn’t have every right to be angry. He’s sick of the games. Sick of the back and forth. Sick of Liam fucking around with his heart because Liam can’t figure out—or better yet can’t admit—what he really wants.

She’ll do something shitty yet again and every time Liam comes running to him for comfort, only to go right back to her. Acts all apologetic and plays dumb like he doesn’t know what he’s doing is fucked up. But he can’t have it both ways and Zayn’s done. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. Until the moment Liam comes back to him again and then he’s right back where he started.

This time though. This time he’s truly reached his limit. And he damn well makes sure Liam knows it. Won’t speak to him, won’t look at him, won’t even acknowledge his presence, even when Liam sings right to him, and Zayn doesn’t care who notices. He’s too angry to think about anything or anyone else right now and it only goes up tenfold when, after, Liam comes to find him and has the nerve to act like he doesn’t know what he did. What he’s been doing this whole fucking time and Zayn can’t. He explodes. All the pent up rage and hurt pouring out of him at once.

Liam at least has the decency to look ashamed once everything’s out in the open. Makes all these apologies and promises and Zayn honestly doesn’t know whether to believe him after everything. But just like always when it comes to Liam, Zayn’s resolve inevitably crumbles. He’s still feeling too much that he doesn’t eve know how to process right now but Liam is so close and Zayn can’t help himself. Never could with Liam.

He’s honestly not even sure who’s actually the first to make the move. If you were to ask him later he couldn’t tell you, but it doesn’t much matter. What matters is Liam’s lips against his and the way he feels pressed skin to skin to him and the fact that he stays. For once he stays. And Zayn thinks maybe this is his way of solidifying all the promises he made. Bringing what for so long felt like a dirty little secret, something to keep hidden in hushed tones in the dark of night, into the light. Dares to hope that this thing between them might really truly finally have the chance to become something real. 

Let Me

Liam’s stayed till the morning every night together since and Zayn’s hopeful. Wants the chance to show Liam all that they can be, all that he can be for Liam if Liam will let him. Wants to show him that every second they spend together means something, that the moments they share—the conversations, the laughter, the sex, even the quiet moments spent laying together doing nothing at all—mean something. Wants to show him what real love can look like, feel like, what it means to have someone who truly cares about him. To have someone who doesn’t want him just to use him, who appreciates Liam for all that he is and would do whatever it takes to show Liam just how amazing he is until he believes it too. And Zayn thinks to himself that maybe he’ll have it, that chance.

This thing between them is still so new. Officially anyway. Vegas and iTunes and Germany still feels like only yesterday even as the weeks and months pass. But days off spent wrapped up together in the duvet and in each other, dessert for breakfast and the sun of countless nameless cities filtering in through the windows feel like the best dream he could have ever hoped to wake up to. Movie dates and balcony views and walks on the beach mixed in with stage antics and video game wars and late night dance-offs because no more are the nights relegated to secrecy and willful amnesia. Now the two of them gravitate easily to each other like planets in orbit. And Liam is still just as intoxicating as ever, but not in a way that leaves Zayn feeling heavy and hungover and regretful in the morning. More like the most pleasant and ever-constant buzz, like a fine wine instead of a too-strong cheap liquor, a feeling that Zayn thinks he’d be happy to live with for a long, long time.

And things aren’t always perfect. Zayn had still had his doubts at first, in the back of his mind—that maybe this wouldn’t last, that maybe he would do something to mess it up,  that he might show too much of himself and scare Liam away. But as the weeks turn into months and the months turn into years and the years go by those doubts fade away. Because Zayn may not know everything. But he knows now that what they have isn’t fleeting or trivial, isn’t something that can be so easily broken, no matter what anyone else might think. What they have is forever. And they’ll have the rest of their lives together to prove it.

Dusk Till Dawn

Sometimes the days get hard. Sometimes the nights are even harder. When the bed feels too big and too cold and too empty and he can’t sleep. When he’s been on his own for too long without Liam to calm him down and he snaps. Or when the stunts pile up on both ends, vile story after story that he doesn’t mean to see, hadn’t even been looking for, but does and he can’t help but get into one of his moods. Or when it feels like everything’s caving in on him at once and all the pressure gets to be too much to handle.

People see him on an off day and think he’s being aloof or rude, or misunderstand a joke that back home would’ve been no big deal and they make assumptions. They read what they read and hear what they hear and they see the way he looks and think he must see himself the same way they see him. That he must think of himself in some elevated way, like he’s above everyone else or like he’s trying too hard to be seen as different or edgy when really he’s just him. He’s just him. And all he wants is the freedom to be him in all that that entails. And the same for Liam.

Because they may be able to be more open now than they’ve ever been allowed to be before but they’re still nowhere near where want to be, where they’d hoped to be by now. It’s still like a breath of fresh air, being free of most of the madness of all the behind the scenes bullshit they’d had to put up with for so long. Being able to do more and more without having to constantly look over their shoulders or second guess themselves or worry whether they’ll be berated for just being themselves. And he knows Liam feels it too. That little pocket of relief every time they’re able to make a secret getaway or do or say something a little obvious that before would’ve been outright shut down on the spot.

But that doesn’t make the days apart any less hard. Or make it any easier to deal with the longing to touch Liam,  to feel him skin to skin or wake up to his crinkly smiling face in the morning or feel the warmth of the sun washing over them as they they make love, deep and slow and passionate. To be able to hold him when he’s upset or have Liam do the same for him.

He knows though that even in those moments when they’re an ocean apart that Liam is always with him. In the little things, like the rings and the necklaces and the bracelets and the clothes that they wear like badges of honor. But also etched into his skin in ink, as permanent as the space he fills in Zayn’s heart. Just like Zayn is for him.

[utopianparadoxist]

soooo, with the new aspects descriptions and the traits they are focusing on and putting in the spotlight as major defining traits of those aspects, do you think you'll reconsider Joey as Life now instead of Light? (and Jude as Light instead?)

I hadn’t really gotten to Jude yet at all–he still seems like a Doom player, but now I’m more uncertain about all of them.

I have been reconsidering Joey as a Life player pretty heartily, actually, BUT…I think in the end, at least so far, it’s only left me more sure she’s a Light player. 

But the reason why, I think, suggests some new infomation relevant to how the Classpect system works. I’m curious to know what you’ll think about it! And since I’m about to record this in video form and it’s pretty overwhelming and difficult to talk about, I think it’ll help to get my thoughts in order somewhat, so I think I’ll do some prep here. 

My logic goes something like this: 

Xefros is a Rage player. Looking back at Act 1, it’s actually all there in his Page behavior! While Xefros himself isn’t angry or upset, he does continually frustrate, anger, and confuse Joey, essentially giving/serving her Rage (in my reading of Knights/Pages, of course).What’s more, eventually Joey’s anger stops being directed at Xefros and starts being directed at Dammek and Alternia at large, on Xefros’ behalf.

In this reading, we can understand Dammek keeping Xefros away from the sopor slime as “training” to be a form of serving him Rage, too–the Sopor Slime just keeps trolls away from the chucklevoodos, and the chucklevoodos have already been equated to Rage before. Xefros has been given Rage, to his own benefit.

I had figured that, if Xefros was a Page of Time, he’d eventually gain a Warrior to defend/fight for him through his communion powers–Xultan filled the niche perfectly. Seemed like a solid way to get Xefros to a Brain Ghost Dirk-type power boost or whatever. But Joey is ALREADY one of Xefros’ champions at the end of Act 1, and Xefros got her there mainly through Rage. Pretty solid echo of how Jake won over Dirk initially, or how Tavros won over Vriska/Aradia/Terezi (obviously, all of these to varying degrees of success).

So yeah, Xefros as a Page of Rage checks out. One critical difference, though: Jake and Tavros were already inclined to think in terms of Hope/Breath respectively at 13. While Xefros apparently has a considerable Ragey influence on Joey, he doesn’t seem to be thinking in Rage terms much himself. In Act 1, Xefros’ conscious THOUGHTS center around…

Time. It’s not just him, either–Dammek has some pretty hefty Breath implications, especially once you consider that the hoverpad he took from Xefros is essentially an object of detachment and flight. But we know Dammek is a Blood player, as opposed to Breath. 

The bottom line is, there’s just too much DRAMATICALLY CAPITALIZED TEXTUAL EVIDENCE linking Xefros to Time and Dammek to Breath to be outright ignored.  We don’t know either way with Joey, but she certainly thinks lot about both Life and Light, and one of them presumably has to be her actual Aspect.

The way I see it, there’s two possibilities at play at this point. It’s totally possible, of course, that all of that stuff was just misdirection, or just stuff we weren’t meant to take seriously or read into. 

But if that’s the case, I’m not sure the fandom can ever actually accurately deduce a character’s classpect based on canon clues. Xefros has some Rage behavior, but it wasn’t telegraphed nearly as strongly as the Time stuff.

So maaaybe WP doesn’t particularly care for this type of speculation? Maybe the Time stuff was just like, general writing, and we’re not really meant to dig into the lore here and try to pick out clues and Figure Shit Out, like I thought we were being invited to do?

That would suck for me, but I would accept it. Hiveswap still has a stellar narrative with plenty of background lore to dissect and explore, Classpect stuff to look through or no. I’d be cool with just waiting for the narrative to tell us what’s going on outright, too.

However, until we know for sure one way or the other what WP intends, I’d like to keep regarding the Classpects as a coherent system with rules that can be figured out and considered in assessing characters’ natures and potential character arcs.

And there’s still the other possibility:

Calliope told us player abilities can manifest “in defiance with their Aspects” under the right circumstances. We’ve seen this in Homestuck, most clearly with  Rose, which a lot of the fandom (you included, if I remember right?) has parsed under inversion theory.

I differ in that I parse it through Roleplay. It seemed to me that players attempting to act out a different Class, or being forced into acting as one, was always the source of these Aspect “shifts”. 

So Rose manifests Void not because Witch is Seer’s natural opposite, but because Rose is interested in Magicians and wizards and wants to take an Active role in Changing the fate of the session.

But I wasn’t sure if we were dealing with Aspect inversion, ie: the player simply switching to the opposing Aspect, or if the Aspect side of the system was even more flexible and players could focus on any other Aspect in the spectrum, too. 

This is the first clear indication I’ve seen for the latter interpretation.My current best guess for why Xefros has all this Time focus and Dammek has all this Breath focus is that the blood castes, on Alternia, are somewhat stereotyped in favor of their corresponding Aspects. 

There’s a cultural bias predisposing members of each Caste to think in terms of the Caste’s True Sign Aspect. This is why Xefros implies all Indigos are super strong, but Equius’ introduction says he’s strong because he’s kind of a freak. 

It’s why Goldbloods are the class used to power ships and the like, but Sollux is a mutant, and Vriska says psiionics are a nasty variant of power that goldbloods only “sometimes” have. I reason this based on the naming structure the system itself uses, as sleuthed out by @wakraya . 

And it sort of makes sense, given Lord English nor Doc Scratch would care to figure out the nuances of every individual troll–the founders of the hemospectrum as it exists on Alternia only had the profiles of the twelve trolls Gamzee and Equius knew to work with, while guiding society’s development of the Caste system.

And this is a fascist, exploitative system, so I would’ve found it odd if it was actually good for the characters to begin with, to be honest?

So if each Sign in a Caste is linked to a different Aspect, but the Caste as a whole is stereotypically connected with or pushed into conforming to one particular Aspect…

Then we’re looking at a world where a lucky few would have the social advantage of being told about their own latent potential through their Aspect (not that they couldn’t confuse themselves perfectly fine, if they were so inclined), but the great many were kept confused by stereotypes, and the contrast between their inner worlds and their own biological powers. 

This conflict would be different for everyone, and would become even worse factoring in the variety of roles further imposed by society–like Dammek and Xefros being forced into Butlering. 

The end result? A society where almost nobody is given the time and space to figure out who they truly are, and where almost everyone is playing against their strengths in some regard. As a bonus, almost everyone is stressed out, because they’re not allowed to do what would naturally make them happy. 

Sound like Alternia to you? It does to me. And fostering that kind of widespread societal confusion certainly sounds like something you’d want to do if you were Doc Scratch or the Empress. What better way to keep the threat of uprising at bay? 

As for how it relates to Joey, well–if Aspect roleplay is a thing, then Rose might well have gone grimdark at least partly in imitation of Roxy. And if A. Claire is indeed a mutant clone of Jane Crocker like I suspect, then suddenly Joey has a profound admiration for a Mom she desperately wants to be like.

Hilariously, that means her Maid behavior might be roleplay instead of her actual Class, so I might be debunking myself here! But I’m a little more inclined to think her admiration is manifesting as an interest in the Life aspect in general. 

The key thing for me here is that her interest in Life has a potential source, that we can put under scrutiny going forward. Her interest in Light has no such apparent source, other than her own nature. Hence why I’m still falling on Light as her innate Aspect, at least for now.

As for Jude–I don’t even know right now, there’s too much going on. I’ll have to revisit him once the dust settles and I have some answers I’m more confident about. He certainly seems like someone chosen to suffer in Act 1, though, man. Poor kid. 

I might be reading too much into it, but it seems like a pretty solid way to use Classpects to tell us about the violent and cruel nature of Alternian society. Whether I’m right or wrong about any of this, though, Act 2 is going to be very interesting. We stand to learn a lot!