#doesn’t help my case that the gc saw this first

[valyrfia]

now if max wrote his own bio for that team redline introduction…we are witnessing real time lestappen psychological warfare (also known as flirting)

[ethereal-lix]

.

[stargaze-issei]

— 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝 + 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫-𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧 !

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; karasuno and fukurodani react to their manager doing the body count/bodyody audio tik tok ! [insp by this tik tok]

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; crack(?

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; suggestive themes, maybe a little swearing i can't remember ajaksjq.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; the trend it's to put pictures of all the people you've slept with, in case anyone doesn't know!!

karasuno !

-> it was a joke, it wasn’t supossed to get out of the thrid year managers gc.

-> the girls found it hilarious and was a good conversation topic for hours, discussing who you put or didn’t put.

-> they knew, of course, it was fake. you hadn’t slept with oikawa, KYOUTANI, BOKUTO, tendou, atsumu, TERUSHIMA and OSAMU.

-> it was SO obvious it was a joke for them that nobody felt the need to point it out.

-> they just said things like “the most quiet are the worst ones” “OMG DETAILS ABOUT THE TWINS!!” “did terushima yk,, made a good use of his percing” because they KNEW nothing was real.

-> until tanaka and sugawara asked kiyoko for her phone to watch some videos of the new play they were trying.

-> and misaki, from johzenji, sent a “forget about teru— 🤢 can’t even say it,, Y/N I WANNA HEAR ABOUT BOKUTO!!! ik man’s  p a c k i n g”

-> tanaka looks at suga and suga looks at tanaka and they’re like .......tf

-> suga’s finger “slips” and they see the other messages until finally they reach your video.

-> you’re there looking pretty as usual and above your head reads “seems like were showing our body counts with this sound? here it’s mine 🤪”

-> tanaka is about to say “it can be what we’re thinking” but when OIKAWA’S picture appears both their jaws hit the floor.

-> nishinoya sees them and ofc he wants to know what’s so shocking, so he gets closer.

-> he drags hinata too, and shoyo’s like “that’s the great king!! play it again!! play it again!!”

-> fyi: suga paused the video because wOW and they don’t know who’s left in your video.

-> sugawara looks straight in the eye at nishinoya, going “keep hinata, kageyama and yamaguchi away and bring the team” with the MOST SERIOUS EXPRESSION

-> noya is lowkey scared??? like wtf??? but does as he’s told bc suga seems super intense.

-> kiyoko and yachi left to fill the bottles and pick some needed implements from the club room, you had classes for a few more minutes, therefore, there was nobody to stop them.

-> once the rest of the team, including tsukishima because everyone seemed to have forgotten he was a first year too, is together, suga plays again the video, while the littlest ones watch from afar in curiosity.

-> the silence, you will never hear them in a more tense silence.

-> they read what’s your tiktok about, daichi’s eyes go O.O, asahi goes RED, nishinoya seemed to be ready to FIGHT THEM ALL, ennoshita awkwardly laughs, even tsukishima blushes a little.

-> then oikawa appears. EVEYRONE’S EYES ARE FULLY OPEN AND NOYA LET’S OUT A GROAN???

-> but when kyoutani shows up they’re in SO much shock they kinda forget oikawa before, and daichi whispers an “oh god”

-> then it’s BOKUTO’S TURN and tsukishima just stops functioning. asahi is static on his place contemplating, withouth being able to form a coherent thought.

-> suga highkey wants the tea.

-> tendou feels like a betray to asahi, tanaka and tsukishima. noya, just for a second, wonder what was that like.

-> ATSUMU AND OSAMU FUCKING MIYA AND THEY EXPLOTE.

-> THE EXPLOTE LIKE WHAT????? WAS IT AT THE SAME TIME???? Y/N?¡¡¡¿¿1

-> they aren’t ready for the cherry on the top at the end, a picture of terushima sticking his tongue out, sweaty after a match, SMOKING HOT, and it’s not a picture he posted to his social medias or anything.

-> it’s only suga, and daichi a little bit, who realize that if that picture isn’t public, then either he send it to you or YOU TOOK  IT.

-> that’s when you walk in the gym, just to say hi before going to change.

-> the first year are playing among each other and you are like ????

-> they don’t even notice you’re there so you go nearer to see what they’re watching. and you see the picture of tersuhima yukie, from fukurodani, once sent asking misaki WHY her kouhais where that hot. it was also the only picture you had of him and the one you used in you video the day before.

-> the phone in suga’s hands seems familiar and... that’s kiyoko’s

-> “Y/N” screams asahi when he sees  you and the rest looks like they saw a ghost.

-> a second of silence goes before everyone blows in questions and you just hear names between bambling, “OIKAWA MNASNANPGDF” “MANASKL BODY COUNT ASLKLAS” “MAD DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

-> and daichi makes himself heard despite the screams.

-> “y/n, i know you’re 18 and capable of making your own decisions, but we have to talk about... physical relationships, with our rival teams”

-> kiyoko arrives and quickly puts two and two together and asks yachi to go check on the first years.

-> she looks at you and sees you like WHAT TF DO I DO and nods and say “you shouldn’t have gone through my phone, no matter how curious you are, sugawara-san” COLD AS ICE ISTG.

-> AND SHE CONTINUES “what who y/n does or doesn’t do on her free time is none of your business, all of you, if she decides to get together with anyone it’s just up to her. you should be ashamed of yourself, specially the third years. you weren’t just violating y/n’s privacy, but mine, kaori’s, yukie’s and misaki’s. it may have been a joke, or not, but it doesn’t give you the right. if you ever do something like this again, we will be talking with coach ukai and takeda sensei” SHE GRABS YOUR ARM, TURNS AROUND, CALLS YACHI AND YOU THREE LEAVE LIKE QUEENS????

-> once you’re in the club room, both you and kiyoko start laughing because the team was FROZE in place. not even daichi was so scary.

-> the team then apologizes to both and send an audio to the groupchat too, and never bring the subject uo again.

-> still, they all wonder everyday if you really did or not.

-> and of course, they get so defensive when they see any of the boys in the video it’s hilarious to you and the other managers.

— fukurodani !

-> damn yukie making up dares that always ended up bad for either you or kaori.

-> mostly you doe.

-> at a sleepover, she was like let’s make fake body count vids and who falls asleep first has to show them tomorrow at practice!!! it will be fun!!!

-> you accepted because you usually fell asleep after one of them did but that time it was like they gave you a sleeping pill because you fell like a rock after a few hours.

-> as to why you were there, the day after, about to go ask the team if you should post it.

-> you list consisted on kenma, kita, sakusa, daichi, and just for the fun of it, konoha.

-> the girls call konoha aside so he doesn't ruin the prank, and you proceed.

-> "hey guys, should i post this?? i’m not sure if i look good enough to be seen by the world” bokuto practically yells at you that you always look pretty before taking your phone from your hands.

-> “why don’t you ask yukie or kaori?” asks akaashi, that was a question you hand’t thought about and by pure luck, you were saved by bokuto yelling at the team to come and see what you’ve done.

-> konoha is about to head their way and yukie just grabs his arm like “no ❤️"

-> and nobody can contradict yukie’s no so he has no choice but to stay.

-> anyways

-> the team gather around bokuto, who is about to press play. at first it’s just your face, and everyone agree you look pretty.

-> but then they read “did anyone say body count? ;)” and they look at each other like ......what

-> washio leans to stop the video because he genuinely doesn’t know what body count is, sarukui explains it a little too loud, grinning, and washio goes "oh–"

-> thanks to sarukui’s explanation bokuto confirms his idea because one part of him did think it was how many people you’ve killed.

-> they press play again and kenma appears and bokuto just stares, doesn’t react.

-> akaashi’s eyes widened and he GASPS, washio can’t hide his disappointment mostly because why would you make this video and then show it to them.

-> when kita shows up bokuto lets out a surprised squeak, along with washio that’s just question your and his whole existences-

-> sarukui is smirking, his complete expression yells “way to go y/n!!!”

-> sakusa comes as a shock to every one of them, even sarukui loses the grin for a bit.

-> “how did you manage to...?” whispers akaashi, half amazed, half grossed.

-> bokuto then has to pause it for a little to keep his composure, he looks at your like WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS

-> but when they resume it and daichi welcomes him he thinks it just can get any worse.

-> washio is like “isn’t that karasuno’s–?”

-> “HELL YEAH IT IS” SHOUTS SARUKUI AND THE GIRLS BEHIND YOU LAUGH SO HARD BECAUSE HE IS SO PROUD OF YOU.

-> the rest is like 🧍‍♂️ while sarukui is SO happy for you LMAO.

-> it’s at the end when no one smiles. konoha’s picture smiles at them and bokuto just stops the video to look at him, only a few meters away.

-> he looks at the picture and then at konoha and so on.

-> can’t get his mind around it????? lowkey no one can.

-> akaashi isn’t even blinking and his eyes are concerningly open, washio is regretting all his past choices that led to this moment.

-> sarukui death stares at konoha. no more fun sarukui, he crossed the line.

-> kaori and yukie are wheezing WHEEZING I SAY and konoha is so confused.

-> his teammates look like dogs about to attack but he hasn’t done anything to upset them?? has he??

-> like robots, akaashi and bokuto get up and walk towards konoha. a part of you tells you to protect him but... what are they going to do tho...

-> “you’re out of the team” THEY SAY AT THE SAME TIME AND ALL AND KONOHA GOES WHAT

-> your co-managers can’t even breath istg NO HELP

-> you then intervine trying to keep konoha in the team lmao “IT’S FAKE GUYS!! A PRANK!! KAORI!!!! YUKIE!!!! BACK ME UP!!! I’M KIDDING DON’T KICK KONOHA OUT”

-> akaashi partially believes you, but bokuto?? nope.

-> you planted the seed on his mind.

-> the whole team acts weird when they see guys from your vid and are looking for chances to bark at konoha.

-> “AKAASHI HAS TO STAND BETWEEN YOU TWO ALL THE TIME” that’s the new rule he set.

-> just to see them freak out, konoha sometimes flirts with you at practice ;)

[4ragon]

oh not so much something to ramble on, but i've been meaning to get into the tales of series, would u know what's a good way to start? also! trucy & phoenix dynamic please?

Ooooooo I see I see. There are a couple of good games you could start with, most of them aren't connected in any meaningful way so you could start with almost any of them. I think Tales of Symphonia is relatively inexpensive on Steam, and even physical copies for GC or PS3 aren't going for too much. It's a really solid game, the story is amazing, and I think it holds up very well gameplay wise for a game from the mid 2000s. That may be your best bet.

If you're willing to shell out a bit more money, I think Abyss, Vesperia Definitive Edition, Berseria, or even the newest game, Arise, are all decent starting places. They all play pretty different though, and have wildly different stories. Some have grand, epic adventures, some have that found family I crave so much, some have darker tones, it really depends. I can go more in depth on any of those if you want.

Okay back to your regularly scheduled Ace Attorney

I just love Trucy and Phoenix so much. I think it was pretty obvious just through the trilogy that Phoenix would already make a wonderful father, and I was so gosh darn pleased when I started aa4 that he had a kid. (Also very confused. But mostly pleased.) And, as I said earlier, found family is ABSOLUTELY my jam, and Phoenix and Trucy embody a lot of what I like about it.

Like. They found each other at the lowest points of their lives, when Phoenix lost his badge and Trucy lost her father, and that is what got them through those seven years. Phoenix and Trucy saved each other in their own ways, and it’s so clear throughout how much they love each other. They’re almost always on the same wavelength throughout aa4, they just have such and easy and natural back and forth and are always so in sync with each other. They’re always in cahoots to mess with Apollo. And their love for each other is so sweet and genuine, Phoenix thinks of Trucy as his saving grace, and Trucy thinks the world of him in turn. Man, it’s just such a beautiful relationship.

I do worry that Trucy is the type to put far too much of her father’s wellbeing on her own shoulders. She’s that type of person to mask her emotions, to put on a show to benefit the people she cares about most. It’s made very clear by the end of aa4 that Phoenix can see through that façade, but it’s also clear that Trucy has been able to help pull Phoenix through those seven years. Plus, she seems to be the breadwinner of the family, the one in charge, which on one level is sweet, but at the same time, that’s a lot of pressure for a girl. She lost her first daddy already, and her mommy, and now her new daddy is struggling financially after having his reputation destroyed. And it’s not your fault, but what else can you do but put the world on your shoulders to take care of the person who saw you at your lowest and took you in? It’s not perfect, and it’s not healthy, but it seems like the exact mindset a person like Trucy would take on.

Still, man, it’s so clear that Trucy still has Phoenix wrapped around her little finger. He let her take over his office, he buys her what he can, he goes to her shows. Man, have you ever heard that audio drama where they’re at her show and he’s like “Oh my god that girl on stage is my daughter I love her I’m so proud of her” it just melts my heart! That’s his daughter! It doesn’t matter how they met, it doesn’t matter that they’re not bound by blood, he opened his home and his heart to her and cherished her with every ounce of his being.

Every interaction they have in these games is so fun. Even the short-lived section in DD. Man I swear if they make another game and have her barely interact with her loved ones I’m going to go feral. Give me more Trucy. She’s perfect. Can you imagine cases with Phoenix and Trucy as a team? Their dynamic is so fun, getting to watch them work together would be such a blast.

[the-void-i-scream-into]

White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 3/3

Full Story: Part 1, Part 2

Hey my beautiful readers. Thank you so much for sticking around till now. I was honestly so terrified of posting this fanfic because I had never done that before but everyone’s response has been so kind to me. Thank you.

This is the final part. I hope you all enjoyed the story. As always, this chapter is dedicated to the Shooters GC who are the best people on Tumblr.

Quick Info: The songs used in this chapter are You Were Beautiful by Day6. Park Yoona who plays Sujin said in an interview that she liked Day6, specifically this song. Haru by Royal Pirates is a personal favorite of mine. It has the same theme as True Beauty that in real love, things like looks don’t matter. The final song that Seojun sings to Sujin is Half Moon by Dean. Hwang In Yeop who plays Seojun stated that he liked this song in an interview.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 16.2k [this one is LONG]

Rating: T

PART 3

i.

“What have I done?” Sujin pulled at her hair in frustration.

The deal she had made with Han Seojun had been the on account of the many shots of soju she had taken. It was only when she had sobered up the next morning that she realized, with horror, just what exactly she had promised.

It was a bad idea. On paper it sounded plausible; two people suffering from the same pain could empathize with each other. But in reality, going through a heartbreak meant that you needed someone to support you, not the other way around. Trying to support someone whilst being in pain yourself was hard. And in this particular case, it would be impossible. Mainly because the people Kang Sujin and Han Seojun liked were with each other.  

Sujin could see her and Han Seojun’s fledgling friendship going up in flames before it had even had a chance to fly. She would always want to talk about Lee Suho and he would resent that since Suho was the one dating Jukyung. Seojun would want to talk about Jukyung and Sujin would find that annoying for the same reason.

It was a recipe for disaster.

“Yah, gimme your number.” Sujin had demanded last night, handing Han Seojun her phone after he had agreed to her stupid proposal. Seojun had obediently entered his number at her behest. She programmed her number in his phone as well.

“There. Now we can text each other if we ever need to talk.”

“Ya, why am I Gangster in your phone?” Seojun had protested when he had saw her type it out.

Sujin had chuckled, drunk on soju. “Because you’re a gangster, you gangster.”

“Is that so?” Seojun proceeded to type away furiously into his phone. He held it up for Sujin to see.

“Princess? Are we kindergarteners?” Sujin had frowned.

Seojun stuck his tongue out. “That’s what you get for naming me Gangster.”

Sujin had retaliated, editing his contact. “Here!” She held up her phone.

“Wha-What? Twerp?”

Sujin blanked on the argument that had proceeded after this but she knew they did argue. To the point that the owner of the tent bar kicked them out. 

Now Sujin was stuck with the contact named as Twerp on her phone and she had no idea what to do with it. Should she text him? Should she delete it? Should she just pretend last night didn’t happen?

She knew she should choose the third option. Or even the second. But her hand itched to send Seojun a text and see if he really was up for hanging out.

All day long Sujin kept checking her phone, looking for any new messages or missed calls she may have received. All she got were some memes from Suah and everyone else’s responses to those messages on their group chat. Han Seojun had also responded with a laughing emoji. Which meant he wasn’t too body or occupied to text Sujin.

Then why wasn’t he texting her?

Why do I care?

Sujin knew why. It was because she had no body else to talk to about what was bothering her. Normally, she would have called Jukyung but this time, she couldn’t. Jukyung’s giant engagement ring kept flashing in her mind over and over. It even plagued her dreams last night.

Sujin needed to occupy herself. Her current jobless situation wasn’t helping things either. She quickly fired a text to Suah to see if she was free to hang.

Sorry Kang Su! Me and Taehoon are going to visit his parents. Suah had replied.

Sujin looked at her list of contacts. There was no one else but Han Seojun who she could ask. Reluctantly, she texted him.

I’m going to the batting cages. Wanna join me?

Sujin pressed send before she could stop herself and was immediately filled with deep regret she saw the “Seen” check appear.

One minute, two minute, fifteen minutes passed. He didn’t reply.

“Guess he wasn’t interested.” Sujin lamented. It would have been nice to have someone to hang with, but given the obvious rejection, she had to make do with just lonesome herself.

Kang Sujin wasn’t exactly a prodigy at sports, but she was considerably better than most. Batting happened to be one of her strong suits.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

She hit each ball with graceful ease. Her brows were furrowed in focus. Her breathing controlled and steady. Sujin had learned long ago that sports aided in dealing with her rage and frustrations. It was a way to release all of her worries in a healthy manner and channel inner peace.

Thwack! Thwack!

She hit again and again, not caring about the score, just wanting to get the shot.

“Wow, I’m impressed.”

“Huh?” Sujin carelessly turned and her surprise at finding Han Seojun standing in the adjacent batting area was only thwarted by the ball hitting her in the torso. She yelped in pain.

“Oh, gwenchana?” Seojun asked in concern.

“Aish.” Sujin held her side and moved out of the way of the pitching machine. She gave Seojun a scathing look. “What are you doing here?”

“You asked to meet here didn’t you?”

“People normally respond to invitations to confirm they’re coming.” Sujin checked herself for injuries before resuming her batting position.

Seojun was quiet. “I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to meet you.”

Thwack! Sujin hit a ball. “Oh, yeah? What made you change your mind?”

Seojun picked up his bat, not responding. The pitching machine on his lane whirred to life. He hit his ball. Thwack! “Did you see the video Jukyung posted?”

“Ah-nee.” Sujin replied. Thwack!

“She posted a bridal makeup tutorial.”

Sujin missed the next ball. And the one after that. Seojun could feel her gaze on his back but didn’t dare turn. From his posture Sujin could sense hostility. Which was fine, she hadn’t invited him here to talk. She invited him here to vent. She resumed her batting.

“I scored higher than you.” Sujin informed with a grin once they were done.

“Good for you.” Han Seojun said, unimpressed.

He still seemed on edge. Sujin had tried to engage him during their small breaks between the game but all he had given her were clipped answers.

“Did you watch the entire video?”

“Yes.”

“How did it feel?”

“How do you think I felt?”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Just hit the ball.”

Sujin didn’t know how Seojun was when they had parted, but she herself felt significantly better. She went home with a peaceful mind and even discovered that she had gotten a call from a prospective employer. They asked if she could come in for an interview the following week. Perhaps things would be getting better from now on.

Or perhaps not.

The interview had gone horribly wrong, especially after the interviewer realized who she was. Sujin had expected a polite rejection but instead the interviewer had decided that she deserved a lecture on bullying from him.

“You know. I was bullied too as a kid.” The interviewer had said.

The experience had left her shaken. Was this going to be her life from now on? Would she just be kicked out of society just like that, over a badly reported gossip article?

Sujin’s hands ached to be washed but she refused to even think about it. She needed an outlet and she knew exactly what she wanted. It was then that she got a text from Han Seojun.

Let’s meet.

Sujin told him where to show up.

“You know jujitsu?” Seojun was surprised when she had invited him for a match.

“Don’t you?” Sujin said, clad in her white Gi. She had been warming up when Seojun had arrived clad in jeans and a hoodie. He had a cap on underneath the hood.

“I don’t fight with girls.”

“And what if a girl fights with you?”

Seojun chuckled incredulously.

“If you can laugh like that then you can show me what you’ve got, no? Or are you afraid you’ll lose like you lost in the batting cages.”

“That wasn’t a competition.”

Sujin smirked, “Sure it wasn’t.”

Seojun rolled his eyes and went to change out of his clothes.

Smack! Down Han Seojun went. He had gone easy on Kang Sujin for the first round because she was a girl. But she had immediately disarmed him and thrown him over her shoulder. Grinning like a wolf, she immediately took the fighting position again, leaving Han Seojun to recover on the floor.

“First one doesn’t count!” He argued.

“What’s wrong, Han Seojun? Can’t even fight against a girl?”

Seojun got up, “Alright. I won’t be going easy on you anymore.”

“Fine by me.”

Sujin attacked first, Seojun quickly blocked her, wrapped his arms around her waist and tried to push her down. She wrapped her legs around him and swiveled him around so that he fell. Then she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling at his arm.

“You fight without strategy.” Sujin said through clenched teeth as she tried to keep him down. Seojun managed to turn her entire body over, releasing himself.

“Fighting is about instinct. Not strategies.” Seojun went for the attack this time. Sujin blocked him but he easily maneuvered around her, throwing her down and pinning her in place with all his strength. It was an awkward position to be in, but he didn’t care. He would not let her win.

“Anything without a strategy is doomed to fail.” She grabbed his collar and adjusted her leg to flip them over. Now she was keeping him down.

“Nope. Instincts always win.” He weaseled out of her grip and they parted.

Sujin took fighting position again. She easily jabbed and smacked him around while Seojun blocked haphazardly. She was precise and focused, knowing exactly where to hit and how.

In her mind, she wasn’t fighting with Han Seojun. She was fighting with her interviewer. She jabbed and blocked and kicked the man who had sat and judged her without even hearing her side of the story. It was cathartic to let this all out. And if Han Seojun got hurt in the way, then she didn’t mind.

Sujin and Seojun fought for a long time, both sweating and panting with exhaustion but neither relenting.

“I’m still winning Han Seojun.” Sujin said with labored breath.

“We’re not done yet.”

Smack! Down Han Seojun went. Again, and again, and again.

“Had enough?” Sujin asked as they parted.

“Never.”

Seojun attacked. Sujin easily blocked it, kicking him in the chest. The mat was slick with their sweat. Sujin didn’t see Seojun slip and fall to his knees. She only spun around to deliver a roundhouse kick to his torso. But the kick would have hit him in the face. Except, except Han Seojun caught her ankle just in time. The force of it nearly knocked him down.

“I can’t let you hit my face.” He said with a half smirk.

“Wae?” She asked with a flick of her brow.

“It’s a precious commodity.”

He pulled Sujin by her ankle, bringing her leg to his side. She fell on him, using his shoulders to brace herself. Their noses were almost touching. He cupped her calf and grabbed her sleeve to hold her in place.

It was too close. Sujin’s mind went blank. And that was the opening Seojun needed to throw her down.

“I won that round.” He grinned, standing up.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m still ahead.” Sujin’s face still felt hot. She got up and straightened her Gi. “I think that’s enough for today.”

Seojun nodded. “You hungry?” He asked. After the workout she had just had, she was ravenous.

They went to a nearby convenience store where they got ramen. Seojun watched in surprise as Sujin hungrily chowed down.

“What?” Sujin asked.

“You are a very unexpected girl, Kang Sujin.” Seojun took off his cap and ran his hand through his hair.

Sujin smiled and stirred her ramen. “So, what happened this time?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why’d you ask to see me today? Did Jukyung post another video?”

Seojun hesitated. “Last time… I was in a bad mood. But you seemed like you wanted to talk.”

Sujin gave a slow smile. “What? You felt guilty?”

“Yes.” Seojun said unabashedly.

“You know we don’t have to talk. Maybe we can just keep each other company.”

“Sure. That seems fine.” Seojun looked at her critically. “But something was bothering you today.”

Sujin bit her cheek. “I had an interview today.”

“Didn’t go well.” It wasn’t a question.

Sujin told him, about how her interviewer treated her. About how she feared she may never get a job again.

“Ah-nee, how can people be so ridiculous? You already settled the matter didn’t you? Then what’s everybody’s problem?” Seojun’s outburst warmed Sujin’s heart. It felt good to talk and share. It made Sujin feel lighter. She wondered if she could return the favor.

“You didn’t tell me what you thought of Jukyung’s video.”

Seojun’s face fell. “Ah. That.” He leaned back and sighed. “Did you see it?”

“Yeah.”

Seojun’s face was a strange combination of pain and admiration. “She looked beautiful, didn’t she?”

Sujin’s voice was small. “Yeah, she did.” And Suho probably thought so too.

“They’ve been together for so long. Marriage was inevitable. But now that it’s happening… I don’t know. I just feel… honestly I don’t even know what I feel anymore.”

“I know what you mean. I can’t imagine how I’m going to attend the wedding.”

“My mom’s inviting the two over for dinner to celebrate. Imagine having to sit through that.”

“Yikes. Does your mom know how you feel?”

“Of course, she does. But Lee Suho is my best friend and she’s happy for him.”

“Well… I’m always here,” Sujin held up her phone, “just a text away. If you need me.”

“What I need right now is more food.” Seojun got up.

“Aren’t idols supposed to diet?”

“Not when they’ve had their ass kicked twelve times. You want anything?”

“Nah. I’m full.”

While Han Seojun went inside, Sujin checked her phone for any messages and emails. She had applied to a dozen non-profit companies. None of them, except the interview today, had gotten back.

“Omo. Isn’t that, that girl?” Someone said loudly.

“Yah! Shhh!”

Sujin looked up to some mean looking high schoolers gawking at her. There were three of them but the one standing in the front was clearly the leader. The girls to her side was trying to keep her quiet but unsuccessfully.

“It is! Look. Its that woman, Kang Sujin! Wah! I never thought I’d meet someone I read about online in real life.” The leader girl came forward, crossing her arms.

Sujin stood up to her full height. The girl was shorter than her, but she was undeterred. Sujin half admired her courage.

“Can I help you?” Sujin asked in a measured tone.

The leader girl stared Sujin down. “Check out her audacity. Should someone who’s hated by everyone be talking like that?” The girl spoke in banmal.

“I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. So why don’t you leave?” Sujin suggested. These kids were younger than her, although by not much. They looked like seniors who might have been held back a year or two.

“Why should I leave? You leave.”

“I was here first.”

“This is my usual place. My boyfriend’s coming here to meet me.” The girl said self-assuredly.

“Then let him come. There’s enough space for the both of us.”

“I don’t think so.” The girl got right in her face. “You’re the girl who seduced our Seojun Oppa, aren’t you? Don’t you know that you almost ruined his career by doing that?”

Sujin laughed at the thought of Han Seojun being someone’s Oppa. He always seemed so childish to her.

“Oh, you think its funny to ruin someone’s career?”

Sujin tried to explain calmly, “No, no. I wasn’t—"

The girl pushed her, “Women like you are everything that’s wrong with the world!”

The old Kang Sujin would have kicked this rude girl’s ass by this point. But Sujin was trying to be a new Kang Sujin, one that didn’t hate easily. Sujin sighed. “Kid, just leave me alone.”

The girl poked her finger in Sujin’s shoulder. “And what if I don’t?”

Sujin raised a hand and the girl flinched. But Sujin only stroked her head. “Youngster, you shouldn’t be so rude to people.”

“Like you were to Lim Jukyung?” Sujin’s face hardened as the girl taunted, “What? You guys are friends now? Who would buy that bullshit? People are you are such trash. You go around flaunting your beauty, seducing our idols. Trash like you doesn’t belong here.”

“Yah, stop it!” The girl’s friends warned from behind.

“Chaeri, you’ll get into trouble.”

Chaeri didn’t listen. “Leave! I don’t want people like you here.” She told Sujin.

It was one thing to be nice. It was quite another to be weak. And Kang Sujin was anything but weak. “You want me to leave?” Sujin said. “Then make me.” Sujin stood her ground, glaring at the girl.

Chaeri smiled. “Okay.” She reached over to the half finished can of soda that Han Seojun had left on the table and poured it over Sujin.

Sujin closed her eyes to calm herself. Don’t engage Kang Sujin.

“Here you go, b****.”

Alright, screw it.

Sujin’s eyes popped open enraged. “What did you just call me? B****?” She grabbed Chaeri’s hair and pulled.

Chaeri screamed, “Yah! What are you doing?”

“I was going easy on you since you’re a teenager. But now I see you need to be taught a lesson.” Sujin kept her grip firmly on the Chaeri hair as the girl struggled to break free. “Listen carefully. Just because someone has allegedly done something wrong doesn’t mean you get to take justice in your hands. If you see something wrong, you speak up about it. If it’s happening in front of you, you stop it. But you don’t go around harassing someone without even understanding the full story, arachi? If I’m a bully, then go tell the police and have them investigate. Calling me names and bothering me only makes you another bully, not an avenger.”

Sujin let go. Chaeri ran and cowered by her friends who looked at Sujin in fear.

“Now get out of my sight. And don’t let me see you girls again.”

The girls ran away as Sujin watched. She didn’t enjoy what had just happened. It left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Was I too harsh?

“Remind me never to piss you off again.” Han Seojun came to stand by her.

“Mwo-ya, were you watching? How long were you here.”

“I came out when I saw you grabbing that girl’s hair.”

Sujin frowned in worry. “I wasn’t—”

“I know.” Seojun came forward, eyeing her head. “I heard the speech. Did they do this?” He pointed to her wet hair.

“Ugh. Yeah.” Sujin groaned.

“Let’s go inside. You can clean up.”

Sujin used the convenience store bathroom to wash out the soda from her hair. She dried off with some paper towels but her head looked like a mess when she was done. She tried to smoothen it down but then it stuck to her face weirdly.

In the store, Han Seojun was signing an autograph for the store clerk. “Ya, gimme that.” Sujin came up behind him and took his cap off from him, putting it on herself. Han Seojun didn’t bat an eye lash.

“Here you go.” He told the clerk.

“Thank you. My girlfriend will really appreciate it.” The clerk beamed.

The convenience store entrance rang as they exited.

“You can keep that cap.” Seojun told Sujin.

“Ah really?”

“Yah! Are you the one who harassed my girlfriend?”

Seojun and Sujin turned. The high schooler, Chaeri, was standing there with four hulking boys, all looking like miscreants with their mean faces and unkempt clothing. They seemed older than high school kids, more like college students. The girl’s friends were notably missing. It was just her and the four thugs.

“Han Seojun,” Sujin whispered, “you leave.”

“No.” He said casually, yet firmly.

“You could get into another scandal, you idiot!” Sujin hissed.

“No.”

Sujin clenched her jaw. “Listen to me, you dolt. You’ll—”

“Omo! Is that Han Seojun?” Chaeri was staring, eyes wide in wonder. “It is! Oh my God, Oppa! Is that you? Why are you here?” Chaeri’s eyes passed between Seojun and Sujin. “Oppa, are you actually dating this girl?” She asked, sounding betrayed.

“You know this guy?” Chaeri’s boyfriend asked.

“He’s Han Seojun. He’s an idol.”

“He’s not with me.” Sujin declared as she walked up to the group, putting distance between her and Seojun. “We just coincidentally met inside.” She stood resolutely with her shoulders squared, not showing an ounce of fear.

Seojun walked up and stood Sujin. “I am with her. So what? You got a problem?” He asked Chaeri.

Sujin’s face contorted in exasperation. Han Seojun, you idiot!

The boyfriend looked amused at the situation. “Aaah. I see now. You think that just because your boyfriend is a big shot idol that you can do whatever you want?”

“That’s not what happened. Your girlfriend here harassed me first.” Sujin explained coolly.

“Oppa, she’s lying.” The girl said. “I was just walking by and she started pulling my hair.” 

Sujin scoffed. “What an obvious lie. You gonna believe that?”

“I don’t see why I have to believe you.” The boyfriend replied.

“Why would I attack her without any reason?”

“Oppa, she did it because I was a fan of Han Seojun.” Chaeri looked at Seojun, “Aren’t you going to defend your fans?”

Seojun tilted his head. “My fans don’t go around harassing my friends.”

Chaeri’s mouth fell open. “What?”

“Also, no real fan would damage their idol’s reputation but causing a scene like this. Don’t you know it reflects badly on me when say I have toxic fans?”

Chaeri’s face contorted in anger. Sujin gulped, “Han Seojun, shut up.”

“Oppa, you’re going to just let these people treat me this way?” Chaeri pulled at her boyfriend’s arm.

The boyfriend leaned down to Sujin, “Listen here ahjumma, you hurt my girlfriend. That action is going to come with consequences.”

Seojun grabbed the boy’s collar, pushing him away from Sujin. “You can’t call yourself a man if you threaten women like this.”

The boyfriend laughed, before he went in for the punch. Seojun dodged it and kicked the guy in the chest, sending him backwards. Chaeri squealed and jumped to the side. The other three thugs went for Seojun and Sujin.

Sujin brought one of them down with a spin kick in the face. The other two boys were on Seojun. Sujin kicked one of them away and dragged him further by his hair.

It was difficult for Sujin and Seojun to keep up. The thugs, while young, were still huge and more in number. Sujin took her time to size up her opponents, hitting and dodging accordingly.  Seojun fought in his typical instinctive manner, taking many hits but also delivering his own. 

One of the boys had Seojun backed up in the corner and by this time the boyfriend had gotten back up. Seojun didn’t see the boyfriend, but Sujin did. The boyfriend picked up a stick lying on the corner of the street by the garbage cans. Two thugs were on Seojun now, holding him back as the boyfriend raised the stick, aiming to swing it right in Seojun’s face.

In that moment, Sujin forgot all about fighting with strategy. All she could think of was saving Han Seojun. She ran into the boyfriend, taking him down with her entire body. She kicked him in the groin, causing so much pain that the boy’s face became red. Han Seojun, and the two thugs holding him back, were staring at her speechless.

“I won’t let you hit his face.” She told the boyfriend. Then, giving Seojun a sideways look she added, “It’s a hot commodity.”

Seojun took this opening to break free and kick the thugs away. Sujin swung the stick and hit one of them in the back. The last one standing decided to be smart and ran away.

Seojun and Sujin looked at each other, and the high schoolers lying on the ground, moaning in pain. They had won and it felt good. Seojun looked at something behind Sujin. She followed his line of sight and found Chaeri standing by the corner, recording everything on her phone.

Sujin walked up to her. “Give it while I’m being nice.”

“I’m recording this too you know.” Chaeri said insolently.

Sujin smiled. Then spun around to kick Chaeri, except she missed her face by an inch.

“Ah, how sad. I missed.”

Chaeri just stood, frozen in place. Seojun walked up, pulled the phone from her hand and smashed it to the ground.

“Am I going to hear about this online?” It was a rhetorical question. Said with such authority, in that deep angry baritone, that even Sujin felt intimidated.

Chaeri just shook her head.

“Good. Lets go, Kang Sujin.” Seojun led Sujin away by her arm.

“So, like I said. Remind me never to piss you off again.” Seojun repeated. Sujin chuckled. “Also…” Seojun rubbed the back of his head, “Thanks… for saving me back there.”

“Don’t mention it. After all, we have to protect his hot commodity.” Sujin teased. Instead of getting annoyed like she expected him to, Han Seojun smirked.

“You know I never said my face was a hot commodity. I only said it was a precious commodity.” Sujin stopped in her tracks as she realized he was right. But Seojun kept on walking smugly. “I guess you think I’m hot.” He called back to her.

“No way!” Sujin yelled as she ran after him. “No way!” ii.

Things had changed between Kang Sujin and Han Seojun. They were way past enmity now. In fact, Seojun couldn’t even remember the hate he used to have for her. They were also past the courteous co-existence they had sustained for a brief period where they acted polite and nice to one another which was more a sign of them being strangers than anything else.

Now Han Seojun and Kang Sujin really could say that they were friends. Hanging out together had become a weekly ritual. Almost always, it was prompted by something Jukyung or Suho did.

The night of Suho’s and Jukyung’s the engagement party, hosted by Suho’s father, they went to karaoke to sing their hearts out. As expected, Seojun was the better singer. But Sujin wasn’t exactly bad herself. Her song choices were about self-empowerment and having fun. Seojun chose soft, ballads that were clearly about Jukyung.

“One day, my songs will be on a karaoke machine too.” Seojun had wished as they had walked back home.

“And then I will sing it.” Sujin encouraged.

“And ruin it.”

Sujin punched him in the shoulder.

The time Suho and Jukyung announced their wedding on Jukyung’s channel, they went to an arcade. Of course, Sujin beat Seojun at every game.

“Ah-nee, how do you know how to play? All I ever saw you doing in school was study.”

“Just accept it, Han Seojun. I’m better than you.”

“At bragging maybe.”

The time Jukyung got drunk and went around hugging Han Seojun thinking he was Suho, they went for a drive on his bike.

Sujin had insisted that he teach her how to ride it.

“Aren’t you afraid?” Seojun remebered how terrified Jukyung had been when she first rode with him.

“Why would I be?” Sujin asked, confused.

She took to the bike quickly and soon was riding them both around the city without Seojun’s guidance.

“Not too bad, Kang Sujin.” Seojun was impressed. Sujin grinned triumphantly.

As per their agreement, the two looked out for each other when they were with the group, making sure their feelings weren’t too apparent. At the night of the engagement party, Sujin kept covering for Seojun when he didn’t participate in conversations as much as he usually did. She would answer for him or change the subject. On the same night, Seojun had been the one to sneak Sujin away when she was on the verge of breaking into tears when the couple was cutting the cake. No one had noticed the two heart broken friends that night. All eyes had been on Jukyung and Suho.

On the same night that Jukyung had gotten drunk, Han Seojun had been the one to distract Suah when she kept pushing Jukyung into dating a guy she knew from work. And on a separate occasion, when the group was out for dinner and had run into Suho’s father, Seojun had kept a firm hand on Sujin’s back when Lee Joheon spoke at length on how sad he was about her parents’ divorce.

As uncanny as it seemed, it was undeniable. Han Seojun and Kang Sujin were friends now. Oddly enough, no one seemed to have picked up on their closeness, despite the fact that they never hid it from anyone. Sujin mentioned that Seojun had taught her how to ride his bike but the statement went unnoticed for its inclusion of Han Seojun. All Suah and Jukyung cared about was how dangerous it was to drive bikes.

“Han Seojun! Stop being a bad influence on Sujin!” Jukyung had scolded.

“What did I do? She’s the one who wanted to learn. And she’s not so innocent either. Just ask her about how she beat me in jiujitsu.” Seojun had pointed a finger at her.

“You know Jiujitsu?” Suho had asked, ignoring the part about her beating Seojun.

“Yeah. We should spar sometime.”

And so things went on and Jukyung’s and Suho’s wedding date inched closer and closer. But Sujin felt nothing had really improved with her feelings about Suho.

“We should really get to the therapy part one of these days.” Sujin casually said over a cup of coffee. This time, they had opted for a quiet meeting in a café.

Seojun considered her request. “What should we talk about?”

They both drew a blank, neither able to come up with a good starting point. Their feelings were so complicated and tangled that neither knew were to start unraveling.

Sujin raised a hand, fingers spread out wide. “Five questions.” She said, and with each word she lowered a finger, “Who, What, When, Where and Why.” She said in English.

“What’s that?”

“Its how you gather basic information. You ask yourself these questions.” Sujin explained, translating in Korean, “Who is it? What is it? When was it? and Why was it?”

Seojun nodded. “Okay. You first.”

“Hmm… We can skip the Who since we already know who it is. So, what is it that I like about Lee Suho? Hmm…” Sujin had to think for a minute. 

The first thing that popped into her mind was her father. She and Suho both had troubled relationships with their fathers and at the time, Sujin had felt that Suho could understand her better because because of this. But she couldn’t tell Han Seojun that. Having a dysfunctional family made her feel like a freak. She didn’t need Han Seojun knowing about her private problems, even if they were friends. 

So instead of the truth, she said, “He was cool,”  

Seojun scoffed. “Kang Sujin were you that shallow?”

Sujin looked at him flatly. “It wasn’t just that! It was… well, he was always cold to everyone else. But he still treated me better.” Sujin looked at her hands, nervously playing with her thumbs. “I guess I liked how he was with me. And I liked that he wasn’t shallow like most boys are. ”

That answer seemed more acceptable to Seojun. “I don’t think I can distill my feelings to just a couple of traits. I like everything about Lim Jukyung. The way she smiles, the way she ties up her hair, how kind and caring she is with everyone… she just has this warmth about her that just… draws you in.”

“I know what you mean.” Sujin agreed. But there was a little part of her that resented Seojun’s compliments of Jukyung. Wasn’t she kind and caring too? Didn’t she have any warmth?

Probably not. Her father’s voice said. Sujin pushed it away.

“When did you first start liking Lee Suho?” Seojun asked.

Sujin thought for a minute. “I don’t know. I just know that when I noticed I liked him, it felt like I had always liked him.” She sat up straight. “What about you? When did you start liking Jukyung?”

After a pause he replied, “When I started to get to know her. I can’t say exactly when… But I noticed my heart would act weird after she started teasing me about my underwear--”

“Say what now? What underwear?” Sujin perked up. It was at this moment that Han Seojun knew, that he had messed up. He could feel himself get red in the face.

“It was nothing. What I meant was—”

“Nononono, no. Han Seojun, you’re not getting out of this one. Tell me. What underwear?”

Seojun crossed his arms, “I’m not saying a word.”

Their therapy session had ended there. Sujin tried again and again to get Seojun to reveal what the underwear incident was but he kept his silence. He would die before he ever told anyone about how Jukyung had seen him dancing around in his cheetah print underwear.

Han Seojun still experienced PTSD when he heard “Okey Dokey yo!” from anywhere.

iii.

Seojun didn’t know how the fight began. They had met up for dinner after Sujin got off from work. She had taken up various part time jobs to pay the bills. With her being busy throughout the day, dinner was the only time they could meet.

They had been talking about Suho and Jukyung. Seojun normally danced around the topic of what Sujin had done back in high school now that they were friends. But this time she had brought it up herself.

“Do you remember that picture I took of you?”

“Yeah.” Seojun still remembered how flatly she had said You look cool. He had almost admired her audacity back then, and he did so more now.

“I traded it to get the info on Jukyung.” She admitted quietly.

“Ah, even back then my face was such a hot commodity.” Seojun said smugly.

Sujin made a face at him.

They joked about the past, about how Han Seojun hadn’t changed since then, about how Sujin had changed so much. Then, as they walked towards Sujin’s apartment, they got into the serious stuff. About how Sujin just disappeared after the truth about her was revealed, about how Seojun was right that she had only destroyed herself, and no one else.

“I wish I hadn’t done all that. Looking back, I want to kick myself.” Sujin had said.

“You should have shared, about what you were going through. Suah and Jukyung would have understood. I mean, having your father treat you the way he did… it must have made everything harder to deal with. Looking back, I might have acted better too, even helped y--”

Seojun suddenly noticed that Sujin wasn’t with him. She had stopped in her tracks and was glaring at him but Seojun couldn’t understand why.

“W-what do you mean my father’s treatment?” Sujin asked icily, her face was unreadable.

“Well… didn’t he used to beat you and pressure you for—”

“Shut up! Just shut up, Han Seojun!” Sujin suddenly freaked out. And it scared Seojun.

“What’s wrong?” He asked with concern. He moved towards her, but she moved back.

She looked at him coldly. “Who the hell told you about this? Was it Suho? It was Suho, wasn’t it? No one else knows besides him.”

Seojun hesitated. “Actually... that time when I met your mom—”

Sujin blinked rapidly. “So you’re saying that you’ve known about this all this time?”

“Kang Sujin, calm down its not a—”

Sujin spoke through clenched teeth, “What’s not a big deal? The fact that my family is broken or the fact that my father was an abusive asshole? What exactly about it is not a big deal, Han Seojun?”

Seojun was thoroughly confused now. “Sujin-ah.” he called out to her but she kept moving back with every step he took towards her. She was shaking quite visibly.

“Did you have fun, thinking I was so tragic and damaged? Did you have fun pitying me all this time? Did you—” Sujin’s eyes went wide as if she hit a realization. “Ya Han Seojun… did you become friends with me because you pitied me?” She said the word with such acidity that Seojun flinched.

It would be a lie to say it hadn’t influenced his opinion of her. But it wasn’t the only reason they were friends. Surely Sujin had to understand that.

“Sujin-ah—”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Sujin’s lip quivered. “All this time, you’ve only treated me decently because you thought I was some tragic case—”

“You know that’s not true.” Seojun protested but Sujin wasn’t listening.

“—and here I was thinking we were actually friends. Han Seojun, would you have even been nice to me if you hadn’t known?”

“Does that matter?” Seojun asked, frustrated, “We’re friends now, aren’t we?” 

That had been the wrong thing to say. Sujin’s eyes flamed as she suddenly switched. Gone was the shaking and the freaked out look. Sujin was now very calm and cold; calculating in her movements. She gave a sarcastic smile. “Ya Han Seojun. Do you know? I pity you too.”

“What?”

“Pathetically liking someone for so long, whining like a boy over everything, acting all childish, you think that makes you attractive?”

“Ya, Kang Sujin—” Seojun warned.

“I bet Jukyung pities you too.” Sujin stalked up to Seojun. “Ah, that loser, Han Seojun, until when is he going to be hung up on me? I bet that’s what she thinks every time she sees you.”

They glared at each other for the longest time. Maybe too long.

“Kang Sujin… you are seriously messed up.” Was all Seojun said before he walked away; from Sujin and the entire situation. Sujin’s eyes filled with tears which she furiously blinked away.

If Sujin had been more like Jukyung, she would have dealt with this situation maturely. Lim Kukyung would have faced her emotions and not taken Seojun’s sympathy as pity. Lim Jukyung would have been up front about how she felt and not pushed Seojun away. Lim Jukyung would have been better.

But Kang Sujin was not Lim Jukyung. Kang Sujin was a messed up girl.

iv.

“Has anyone heard from Sujin recently?” Jukyung asked the group. They were all gathered for lunch, all except Seojun and Sujin, both of whom had been absent these past couple of get-togethers.

“Wae? Has something happened?” Suah asked.

“Not really. But she hasn’t been replying as much to my texts.” Jukyung pouted.

“You know what Kang Su is like. She’s rarely online. Plus, she’s working all these jobs now.”

“She always replies to me though,” Jukyung muttered to herself as she looked at her chat with Sujin. The one Sujin hadn’t responded to since four days.

“Is Seojun not coming today either?” Taehoon asked Suho.

“Don’t know. He’s so busy with brand practice these days that he barely replies to me.”

“Guys! Sorry I’m late!” Sujin rushed towards the group.

“Kang Su!” Jukyung and Suah welcomed her.

“We were afraid you wouldn’t show up again.” Jukyung said, putting her arm through Sujin’s.

“Kang Su-ya,” Suah said, playfully nudging Sujin’s shoulder, “you’re all dressed up. Did you just come back from a date?” Indeed Sujin was wearing a sleek black pant suit with full makeup on.

“Who went on a date?” Seojun arrived but stopped when he saw Sujin. Sujin held her breath as she waited for him to say something.

“Our Kang Su.” Suah responded. Seojun just flicked a brow but betrayed no emotion. He took a seat besides Suho.

“Ya! It wasn’t a date. I just came back from an interview.” She grinned.

“Ooh! How did it go?”

Sujin kept her silence for a second before she finally burst with excitement, “I got it!” The girls squealed at the good news. “Its at this non-profit that works with providing clean water to under-developed countries.” She showed everyone the website for the company and the work that they did on her phone.

Everyone congratulated Sujin on her accomplishment. Even Seojun gave her a “Congratulations.” To which she thanked him.

“I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t think you’d come.” Suho told Seojun.

He wasn’t going to. But he had heard that Sujin hadn’t been present either and he had figured it would be okay for him to join everyone if she wasn’t there. 

She should have been an actress, Seojun thought as he watched Sujin behave like nothing was wrong.

The conversation over lunch flowed easily as it usually did. Everyone laughed, joked and shared about what had happened since they last met. No one seemed to notice that Seojun and Sujin were not speaking directly to each other, even once. They only spoke to everyone else.

It was only when Seojun was leaving the men’s room that he found Sujin waiting for him and jumped in surprise.

“Ah, ggam-jjak-ee-ya!” Seojun held his chest in shock.

“Aww, the great Han Seojun get’s scared?”

“Only when confronted by pervert girls who stalk boys outside the washrooms.”

Sujin narrowed her eyes. “Shut up! I wasn’t stalking. I was only waiting to talk to you.”

“That’s equally worrying. What do you want?” He said dismissively.

Sujin handed him a keychain. It was his own face made in cartoon form. “Here. I know how much you love seeing yourself.”

“What’s this for?”

Sujin cleared her throat. “An apology. Mianhae, Han Seojun. Last time—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He handed the keychain back to Sujin. She grabbed his arm as he tried to leave.

“At least hear me out.”

“No.” Seojun pushed her arm away.

Sujin’s lips tightened. She grabbed Seojun’s arm again, pulling him with brute strength. “Will you just listen to me you big baby! I’m trying to apologize.” She glared at him.

“Why? I thought you hated me.”

Sujin’s face softened. “I don’t hate you, Han Seojun.” She let go of his arm. “That time… when you started talking about my father, I just lost it. I haven’t actually told anybody about what he did to me. Not even Suah and Jukyung know. All they know is that he was tough on me.”

“Lee Suho knows.” Seojun accused.

“He figured it out on his own. I never actually told him. How could I?” Sujin felt ridiculous admitting it out loud, “How could I tell him that I don’t know what a happy family looks like? I see Jukyung with her dad and Suah with hers and how they have such good relationships, and I can’t imagine being the same way with my father. And that makes me feel like a freak. People already give me weird looks because of my parents’ divorce. If they knew about my father, they’d think that I was crazy… and maybe I am, who knows.”

Seojun softened. “You’re not crazy, Sujin-ah.” 

There it was, that pity on Han Seojun’s face. Sujin hated it but she had come today to this lunch only to apologize to him and that is what she was going to do.

“I am, Han Seojun. Why else would I have said all of those mean things?” Sujin’s voice shook. Seojun moved to hug her but she stepped away. Him comforting her would be too much, she would fall to pieces if he did. She had to hold herself together, on her own. “I’m sorry Han Seojun. I didn’t mean any of it. Not a single word.”

Seojun nodded. “I know.” He felt like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders and only then did he notice how bothered he really had been about their fight.

“You guys not coming?” Suho asked as he passed by. Seojun and Sujin straightened themselves up and joined the others.

They found the girls giggling at something on Jukyung’s phone.

“What’s funny?”

“Ya Kang Sujin, your nose looks so big in this!” Suah commented. Jukyung turned the phone to Sujin. It was the video of the live event they had done.

“Aish!” Sujin said disapprovingly. “I look so weird in this video.”

Suho and Taehoon leaned over and laughed too as Sujin robotically read off the comments in the video.

“Maybe we can go Seojun’s makeup next.” Jukyung suggested.

“I’m a celebrity, Lim Jukyung.” He said haughtily, pulling the lapels of his jacket, “You can’t just have me on any show.”

Sujin wrinkled her nose at Seojun, “This coming from a guy who didn’t even know the difference between ppt and fitting.”

“That never happened!” Seojun contested. Everyone else laughed.

“Sujin-ah. Maybe I can have you on as a guest next time.” Jukyung suggested.

“Sure.” Sujin put her arm around Jukyung and whispered audibly, “And let’s do it when Suho isn’t around.” The girls winked to each other.

Suho smacked Sujin’s hand away from Jukyung’s shoulder. “Keep your hands off my girlfriend.”

“Sure. But I can’t guarantee she’ll keep her hands off me.” Sujin grinned evilly. Suho’s wide eyed, worried, expression made Jukyung laugh.

v.

Han Seojun fell on his face for the umpteenth time as he tried to hit the ball that Sujin had served. He was lucky they were all on the beach and his face was hitting soft sand instead of concrete.

“Ya, who’s idea was it to play volleyball?” Seojun asked as he brushed himself off.

“Quit being a sore loser, Han Seo!” Sujin called from the girl’s side of the net.

“Just you watch. I will make you eat your words!”

Of course, the boys lost. Suho was too distracted by Jukyung. Taehoon played bad on purpose because Suah said she wanted to win. Chorong was a bad at playing in general. The only two people taking this seriously were Han Seojun and Kang Sujin who ran around covering up for their team mates, as if their lives depended on winning. Sujin in particular refused to let Seojun get a single goal.

“You must really hate Han Seojun, huh?” Suah asked once the game was over.

“No. I just don’t like to lose.”

“Look at her, it’s like she’s going to war.” Jukyung laughed at the fire in Sujin’s eyes.

“Did you piss Kang Sujin off?” Taehoon was asking Seojun on the other side as the boys drank water.

“Nah, she’s just like that in general.” Seojun panted, still exhausted from the game.

A crowd of girls had gathered around their little game, drawn towards Suho and Seojun playing. They had cheered the boys on during the game and now they gravitated towards the two, hoping to get a chance to talk to them.

Suho had brushed them off in his usual rude manner. Seojun had been obliging, especially when they recognized who he was. He patiently signed autographs but couldn’t take pictures since his company didn’t allow them.

“Han Seojun, we have to get back.” Suah had come over to inform him.

“Yeah, just one minute.” The fans kept coming and coming. Seojun realized that maybe he should tell them he has to go. But as much as he wanted, he couldn’t say no to the hopeful girls who had liked the music that he made and had decided his signature was worth something.

“Han Seojun hurry up! We have to move!” Jukyung called.

“Just a second!”

Suho came over and rudely pushed through the crowd of girls. “Yah! Don’t be like that to my fans.” He tried dragging Seojun away but Seojun dodged him and the girls quickly pushed him back.

“Yah! Haven’t you girls had enough?!” Sujin’s voice boomed over the crowd, terrifying everyone. “And you girls over there!” Sujin pointed, “I saw you two return twice! You’re planning on selling those autographs, aren’t you?”

“Ya Kang Sujin—” Seojun began to protest.

“Don’t piss me off.” Sujin warned, “Our trip isn’t a place for you to have fan meetings.” She grabbed Seojun’s wrist and dragged him away before he could object.

The fangirls whispered to each other angrily, but none dared stand in Sujin’s way as she took Seojun away from them.

“Mwo-ya.”

“Who is that girl?”

“What the hell?”

“Come on, I’m hungry. We should get back to the resort.” Suho said when Seojun had joined them. He and Taehoon picked up their things and loaded them in their car.

At a distance, near a food cart, stood Kim Chorong. He watched as everyone got ready to leave. He could see Suah and Jukyung clinging to their boyfriends, his own posse goofing around and Han Seojun laughing and joking with his arm around Suho.

“Did you see how all those girls swarmed around me?” Seojun asked Jukyung. “Ya, aren’t you lucky to have a guy like me as your friend?”

“What lucky? You wasted all our time!” Jukyung scolded.

“Ah, I just can’t turn off my charms.”

Sujin scoffed, pulling a disgusted face, “Where? Where are these charms?” She put her hand over her eyes and mimicked searching.

“Right here!” Seojun replied, puffing his chest. “See how charming I am!”

“As charming as a sea louse maybe.”

“Yah!” The group laughed as Seojun pointed accusingly at Sujin.

Chorong had watched as Seojun pointed at Sujin in a huff while everyone laughed. It was the liveliest that Chorong had ever seen Han Seojun be.

“Chagi, what are you doing here all alone?” Chorong’s girlfriend came up to him.

“Geunyang.” Chorong put his arm around his girlfriend and walked towards the group.

They all went back to their resort, a beautiful location that Suho had paid for as this was the first time that everyone was going together since high school. They were all given shared rooms. Naturally, Chorong shared his with Seojun.

“Han Seojun,” Chorong began as Seojun changed out of his shirt, “I’m really happy for you.”

“Huh? What for?”

“You always used to complain about hanging out with everyone, but I don’t hear you do that anymore.” Chorong said sentimentally.

Seojun blinked. “Kim Chorong did you drink too much sea water? What kind of a weird thing is that to say?”

Chorong came up and hugged the half-naked Seojun, who balked at the gesture. “What the hell?!”

“Do you know how worried I was about you?” Chorong, with his enormous size, did not notice how Han Seojun desperately struggled to break free from his grip.

“Ya! You pervert, lemme go!”

“Ah-nee, look at you now. You said you would never go on an overnight trip with Suho and Jukyung, and yet here you are.”

Seojun stopped struggling. “What?”

It was odd that out of all people, Chorong had been the one to notice. “I’m so happy for you Han Seojun. Th—”

“Han Seojun, Jukyung’s asking if you would—whatthehell?” Sujin burst in and went still when she saw a half dressed Seojun being held by a sentimental looking Chorong.

Sujin betrayed no emotion. Just wordlessly took out her phone and promptly snapped a photo.

Han Seojun tried to push Chorong away, “No! Ya! Don’t you dare!”

“Jukyung is asking if you will sing songs for us. Quickly get dressed and come over, okay?” Sujin went out and Seojun caught a glimpse of her evil smile as she did.

“Yah! Kim Chorong!” Seojun shouted as Chorong finally let him go.

Of course, Seojun would perform. He always did when Jukyung asked. The group clapped at the end of the first song but the only reaction Seojun cared for was Jukyung. As usual, he found her engrossed with Lee Suho instead of him. Seojun couldn’t help but stare at the two.

“You sounded good.” Sujin came out of nowhere, blocking his view of Jukyung. Seojun knew, she was doing it on purpose.

“Too obvious?” He asked quietly.

“Too obvious. Suah almost noticed.” Sujin moved to block Suah’s line of vision to Seojun’s face.

“Thanks, I owe you one.” Seojun said.

“Pay me back with a song then.” Sujin rolled on her heels.

“Nope. Only Jukyung gets to request songs.”

She pfft-ed through her lips, “Mwo-ya. How stingy.” She turned on her heels.

“What song?” Seojun asked. Sujin smiled and turned back.

“You Were Beautiful by Day6.”

“Why not something by my band?” Seojun sounded almost insulted.

“I like Day6 better.” Sujin teased.

“I expected better taste from you, Kang Sujin.” Seojun adjusted the tuning of his guitar, testing the chords.

“Its my goodbye.” Sujin explained. “I’m moving on from Lee Suho.”

“Haven’t I heard that before?” Seojun said skeptically.

“Its for real this time.” Sujin said. Seojun looked up at her determined face.

“You’re serious.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. It’s been long enough now. This is my way of making it official. So do a good job, okay?” Sujin walked away.

“I bet I’ll sing it better!” Seojun called after her.

“We’ll see!”

She hadn’t looked at Suho even once during his performance. But then, she hadn’t looked at anyone, just stared out the window. By the end she was tearing up. Seojun saw Suho happen to look over at Sujin.

He’s going to see her cry.

Seojun began to play his guitar loudly and messily, “Yeppeosseo! Yeppeosseo! Neon neomu yeppeosseo!” Everyone winced as he sang, or rather shouted, at the wrong note. But the abrupt bad singing had its intended effect. Suho’s attention was on Han Seojun. It took a second for Sujin to get the message. She sat up straight and wiped her face.

“Han Seojun! Stop it!” Suah yelled and Seojun stopped. “Are you in a rock band?”

Sujin sent him a grateful smile.

“It’s a totally new style of singing. You guys don’t like?” Seojun asked.

“No!” Came the resounding response.

Sujin’s was the only voice that said. “Yes!”

Seojun pointed his guitar at Sujin, head tilted back. “Better than Day6?”

“Much better!” Sujin grinned.

vi.

“YES! I WIN! I WIN!” Seojun ran around the court, pumping his fist in the air as Kang Sujin stared with a flat face and her hands on her hips. After having lost at nearly everything to Kang Sujin, Han Seojun had finally discovered something she was bad at.

“Are you really that happy?” She said, her upper lip pulled up in disdain.

“Ya! How can someone be so bad at basketball? You didn’t score a single goal!” Seojun’s eyes were wide with pure joy, his cheeks uplifted in a wide smile.

“Stop making fun of me.” Sujin fumed. She hated losing.

“I mean, I’ve never seen anyone lose so bad!” He laughed while pointing at Sujin, relishing in her first defeat. He knew he was great at basketball, but he hadn’t expected Sujin to be that bad. Sujin looked away, puffing up her cheeks.

“Zero!” He made a circle from his finger and thumb, “You got zero! I’ve seen worse players score more on accident!”

“Ah shut up!” She stomped her foot, "I was just off my game!”

“Off your game? Wae? Was my handsome face too distracting for you?” Seojun expected Sujin to come after him with a flying kick, or a punch in the shoulder or even a pithy retort. What he didn’t expect was the deep blush that spread across her cheeks. She looked around, choosing to look anywhere but him.

“Oh my God, jinjja? You got distracted by my face?” Seojun moving to look at her face better.

“Ah-nee-godun!” Sujin yelled, dodging his gaze. “Who would get distracted by those mean eyes?”

“Oh, so it was my eyes?” Seojun purred.

“As if!”

“Ooooooh! You’re even blushing!” He teased.

“I’m red from playing!” Sujin spun around and walked away, leaving Seojun laughing.

“I’m joking! I’m joking! I know it’s not that. Come back Sujin-ah!”

They changed out of their sweaty gym clothes. Seojun was wearing his typical brown coat over black pants and a black turtle-neck sweater. He was ready before Sujin so he waited for her outside.

She came out all dolled up, her hair brushed straight, fresh makeup on her face. She had a white coat over a pretty, pale pink dress. Seojun didn’t understand why she had dressed up so brightly today. She even had heels on. Sujin had denied any special reason when he had asked before so he figured this was just a girl thing that he would never understand.

They had only walked a couple of steps when Sujin stopped in her tracks. “Ah, shit. I think I forgot my phone inside.”

“Why are you so distracted today? Where is your head, Kang Sujin?” Seojun complained. Sujin ran back inside to get her phone.

“Got it!” She came back running.

They walked over to the café that they frequented to the point where the barista recognized them now.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t go to the amusement park like you wanted.” Seojun apologized.

Sujin waved a hand dismissively, “Doesn’t matter. It was just a throw away suggestion.”

“But I understand why you wanted to go there instead.”

“You do?” Sujin asked with a tinge of worry.

“Its because you didn’t want me to find out you were bad at basketball, didn’t you?” Seojun snapped his fingers.

Sujin’s face fell. She clicked her tongue in disappointment.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Sujin replied sarcastically, “Ah, you’re totally right Han Seojun. I am so immature that all I care about is winning against a guy who thought Einstein was an appliance.”

“That happened only once.” Seojun defended.

A silence fell between them as their order came. Wordlessly, Sujin drank her iced latte and Seojun sipped his iced Americano. They often had these moments where neither would speak. But it was a comfortable silence. Sometimes Seojun and Sujin just enjoyed each other’s company without feeling the need to talk.

“You know we never finished our five questions.” Sujin reminded.

“Oh wow. That feels like it was so long ago.” Seojun leaned his head back as he tried to remember. “We covered the When. Where… I don’t remember where I fell in love with Jukyung. I think it was the moment in school where she was making fun of my…” Seojun cleared his throat.

“One of these days I’ll find out what that incident was, Han Seojun.” Sujin claimed.

“But not today.” He smiled. “So yeah, I think it was in school. What about you?”

“I think it was at the tutoring centers. I used to go there to study. My father had hit me, and I was in a strange place at that time. Suho comforted me and I guess that was when I realized I liked him. Now you, why did you like Lim Jukyung?”

Seojun leaned back and thought for the longest time. “She was… unexpected. I only started to pester her because I thought she was dating Suho.”

“Yeah, I remember that pestering part.”

Ya, Han Seojun are you a gangster?! Whiplash. Every time Seojun remembered that moment he felt whiplash.

“Since I hated Suho at that time, I had expected her to be hateful too. I thought she was just some vain, mindless girl but… she was the complete opposite. She was kind and thoughtful. She had a good heart and that made her beautiful to me. With or without makeup.” Seojun paused, then suddenly chuckled.

“What?”

“It’s funny. Before, I was never able to pin down what I liked about her. My feelings always seemed so complicated. But now that I see it… it feels so obvious.”

Seojun didn’t notice Sujin looking down at her hands, nervously rubbing them together, “Seojun, do you ever think you coul—” She spoke just when Seojun did.

“What did you like about Suho—oh sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“No, no.” Sujin shook her head. “I wasn’t saying anything. You were asking why I liked Lee Suho? Umm…” Sujin thought about it.

“Lee Suho, has never once liked a girl. Not before Jukyung, at least. There was a time when I was his only friend in school. And I thought… I misunderstood, his kindness as interest. I’ve always been pushed to get the number one position, you know? I always had to be number one. And when I thought that the guy that liked no one, liked me… it made me feel like I was number one, even if I ranked low on the grade sheet.” Sujin looked out the glass wall of the café, out on the street where people were walking, and it was slightly drizzling.

“When he found out that my father hit me, I thought he would see me as a crazy person, or pity me, or judge me for hating my father. But he never did. He only comforted me. He just… understood. And it was the first time that I felt that there was someone else who could understand me and understand what I was going through. That’s why I liked Lee Suho.”

Sujin looked back at Seojun. His mouth had shrunken into a small curve.

“But now he’s just annoying.” Sujin said in a lighter tone, “I mean, at a certain point you start hating people when they appear too perfect, isn’t that so?”

Seojun attempted a smile but it was weak.

“I’m happy now, Seojun-ah. I’m happy that I’m not with Suho. I think its for the best. If I think about it. Suho and I are too similar. We didn’t need more of the same. We needed someone who would help us change. Jukyung helped Suho do that. I could never have.”

“That’s a healthy way to look at it. Though I still think I’m perfect for Jukyung.” Seojun said smugly.

Sujin scoffed. “You think you’re perfect for every girl.”

“Where’s the lie?”

“Here! Yeogi! Here’s the lie.” Sujin tapped her finger on Seojun’s side of the table.

“Ah, Kang Sujin. You have no taste.” Seojun squinted his eyes at her in mock pity.

“And you have the IQ of a sloth.”

“I don’t need a high IQ. My greatest strength is my charm.”

“You keep mentioning this charm but I never see it.” Sujin put her hand over her eyes and began to search around.

They bickered in the café till the barista had to remind them, that they were being too loud. The banter continued as Seojun walked her all the way to her apartment. Throughout the way, Seojun could notice Sujin acting nervously; playing with the hem of her dress, combing her hair again and again, wiping her sweaty palms against her coat when she thought he wasn’t looking. He felt she had something to say to him but he didn’t want to ask what it was. If Kang Sujin had something to say, she said it.

Then, out of the blue, she swiveled on her heel to stand right in front of him.

“Ya, Han Seojun…”

“What?”

Sujin gulped. “Ah-nee-da. It’s nothing.” She turned her back to him.

“Whaaaat?” Seojun whined. “You’ve been fidgeting this while time so you definitely have something to say. What is it?”

“I forgot.” Sujin said, walking ahead, biting her lip.

“Mwo-ya…” Seojun let it go. She probably had more to say about Lee Suho and he wasn’t in any mood to hear it.

“Good night, Sujin-ah.” Seojun said when they reached her building.

“D-Do you wanna come up?” Sujin asked, stuttering a bit.

“Nah. I should go. I have an early day tomorrow.”

“Ah, okay.”

“Chalga.” Seojun waved goodbye. He had not walked more than ten steps when Sujin called out to him.

“Han Seojun!”

“What?”

Sujin hesitated. “B-Bye!”

Seojun chuckled. “Mwo-ya. She’s so weird.”

Sujin saw him wave and then leave. “If he turns, then I’ll tell him.” She told herself, trying to work up the courage to say what she had been meaning to the entire night.

But he never turned. Seojun just kept on walking and walking till he disappeared into the crowd.

“I like you, Han Seojun.” Sujin confessed to the wind. “I like you a lot.”

vii.

Han Seojun had to be absent for the whole month due to his idol duties. Sujin was glad for his absence. It had given her time to set her head straight about her feelings. She could still vividly remember, that last time she had ever confessed to a guy and that was back in high school. She clearly recalled how Suho had looked at her with disgust when she had said, or rather declared that he would have liked her if she had confessed first.

No. I wouldn’t have.

“Aish! What was I thinking saying all of those things?” She pulled at her hair as she rolled over in her bed. The humiliation of demanding that Suho break up with Jukyung, and ridiculously saying that she would toss Jukyung aside for him was too much. On top of that, she had tried to kiss Suho and he had pushed her away, repulsed. That in and of itself made her stomach ache with embarrassment.

She had a good heart and that made her beautiful to me. With or without makeup.

“Ah out of all people why him?! Why another guy who loves Lim Jukyung?! What the hell is wrong with me?!” Sujin groaned, rolling around in her bed over and over. Was she obsessed with men who were into Jukyung? Sujin felt frustrated with herself and wanted to throw her heart out.

She just has this warmth about her that just… draws you in.

Kind, caring, genuine, warm; none of those things describe me. Good heart? A single search on the internet would reveal just how good my heart is. Betraying my best friend and ruining all of my friendships in the process… who would say I have a good heart?

Sujin couldn’t compete with the shadow cast by Lim Jukyung. Even if Seojun did start to like her, Lim Jukyung would always be his first love. And just like always, Sujin would be second.

Sujin felt a familiar jealousy creep in; a resentment, a hate, an anger. It was history repeating itself. It was Lim Jukyung again. Why? Why did it have to be her? She and Suho had ten years worth of history between them and even that couldn’t compare to how he felt for Jukyung. Sujin and Seojun had only a year worth of friendship, a quarter of which included Seojun hating her.

It was a dark feeling. A heavy feeling. Like a weight in her chest. Sujin carried it with her whereever she went. She was supposed to meet everyone today. Seojun was suppsed to be back. She felt like she would be a coward if she didn’t go. But she felt like she would hate Jukyung more if she saw her. In the end she did go, and that weight in her chest went with her.

Jukyung was outside alone when Sujin saw her. She was finishing up a call.

Why? Why did it have to be her? Whywhywhy?

Sujin stopped in her tracks. No. She thought resolutely. She would not make the same mistake again. She would not let her feelings take over her judgement. She would not lose her friend again. As much as she loved Han Seojun, she loved her friendship with Lim Jukyung even more.

“Sujin-ah! You’re here-Oh?”

Sujin enveloped Jukyung in a massive hug, almost on the verge of tears. Jukyung hugged her back, confused.

“You know I love you, right?” Sujin said.

“Dangyunhaji! I love you too.” Jukyung hugged her tighter.

“I’ll always be a good friend to you, Jukyung-ah. I promise.” Sujin sniffed.

“Oh, are you crying?”

“No, there’s just something in my eye.” Sujin quickly wiped her face while still holding Jukyung so that she wouldn’t see her cry.

But before she could part, something pulled her collar from behind.

An irritated Suho stood, still tugging at her collar, “You’re not stealing my fiancée.”

“I bet she’d prefer me to you.”

“Okay! Okay! No fighting!” Jukyung declared a ceasefire.

“Are we fighting?” Seojun came up, putting his arm casually around Suho. “If it’s a fight, my bet’s on Sujin.”

“Wae. You think she’s better than me?” Suho asked.

“She’s scarier than you.”

“You traitor.” Suho released himself from Seojun’s side hug and went inside, grumbling. Jukyung followed after him.

“What was that about?” Seojun asked Sujin.

Sujin looked at him. His delicate, boyish features, his mean looking eyes that carried a surprising warmth. Her heartbeat wildly like a hummingbird. Sujin felt like she could spend an entire day just staring at his face. And then she felt it again, the quiet darkness that reminded her that she could never be with him. Quite suddenly, Sujin spun around and kicked Han Seojun in the back.

“Yah! What was that for?!” Seojun yelled.

“For being you.” She said and walked in, leaving Seojun bruised and confused.

viii.

You were pretty

The feeling of not wanting anything more

Moments that only you gave

Everything, everything

Everything has passed

But you were so pretty

Seojun hummed the song as he finalized the playlist for Jukyung’s wedding. Of course, he was going to perform at Jukyung’s wedding. It only made sense given his connection to Jukyung and Suho. The fact that Suho’s father was an important man at Move Entertainment also helped make things official.

A part of Han Seojun had wished that Jukyung hadn’t asked him. He was terrified of her wedding day; terrified of what his heart might do to him, terrified that he might feel compelled to run away with her in front of everyone.

Right now Seojun was calm. But it felt like it was the calm before the storm.

“Memories of me, have probably become, a thing of the past for you too, whatever I saw to you, it will all be something, in the past.”

“What’s that? New song?” His band mate asked when he overheard Seojun singing to himself.

“Hmm? No, its Day6.” The song had been stuck in his head since the day he had sung it for Sujin.

“You’re going to play a cover for your friend?”

“Yeah.” It would be his send off to Jukyung. Like Kang Sujin, Seojun was going to put an end to his chapter with Jukyung.

His bandmate put the song on their speaker. After the first verse he declared, “Yah! You can’t play a breakup song at a wedding.”

“Is it too obvious? I was hoping I could get away with it.” Seojun scratched the back of his head, stretching. He had been on his computer for hours now.

“Take it off. Choose something else.”

Seojun went back through his list of songs that he wanted to play. There was one other song that he had discovered recently by a disbanded group. He had really connected with the lyrics and it wasn’t a breakup song.

“How about this?” Seojun played it.

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Use that for the couple dance.” His bandmate said.

The anticipation of the pain kept Seojun up all night. He worried about how he might behave or what might happen. The next day he woke up grouchy and depressed.

“Woah! Why do you look like a ghost?” His bandmate had said when Seojun arrived that morning. He would be going to the wedding with his band, given that they were performing. This might have been easier if he had gone with his friends.

Don’t worry. I’m here if you need me. Sujin had texted that morning. But Seojun was done relying on Sujin like a crutch. He would deal with things on his own. He didn’t want Sujin to think that all he was good for was complaining about his broken heart.

Seojun waited for the pain to hit when they arrived at the location but it didn’t. The wedding planner helped Seojun and his band set up along with members of Seojun’s own staff. When everything was good to go, Seojun took his leave to meet Jukyung in the bridal room where everyone was taking pictures with her.

Here it comes. The pain. How would it feel? Would Seojun cry again?

“Seojun-ah! You’re here!” Jukyung said. She looked stunning in her beautiful white dress. “Hurry! Get in the picture!”

Everyone was there, already positioned for the shot. Seojun joined Sujin to the side. She was wearing a tasteful black pant suit that fit her well. She was wearing makeup which Seojun noticed looked similar to one of Jukyung’s tutorials.

“How does it feel?” He whispered to Sujin.

“Meh.” She replied. “You?”

It was strange. Seojun didn’t feel anything. “Oddly enough, I feel fine.” Surely he was in shock. The pain would hit any time soon. 

It was a while before the pictures were done. Seojun’s cheeks felt sore from all of the smiling.

“Come with me to see Suho.” Sujin held up her arm and Seojun took it. She escorted him to where Suho was receiving his guests.

“Lee Su! Congratulations!” Sujin hugged him. Seojun did the same.

“Yah! I can’t believe we’re old enough to get married.” Seojun commented. Suho laughed.

Chorong and the Seojun Squad came over too, patting a blushing Suho on the back.

Seojun couldn’t help but think that Seyeon would have loved to have seen this. Sujin sensed his sadness and bumped shoulders with him.

“Okay?”

“Uh-huh.” Seojun smiled. Oddly enough he was. The pain still hadn’t hit.

A couple of girls walked up to him and asked him whether he really was the Han Seojun they were fans of.

“Of course!” Seojun puffed his chest and signed their autographs. He couldn’t see it but he could feel Sujin’s disgusted gaze on his back. When they were gone, Seojun turned to Sujin with an arrogant grin.

“Ah, I hope more people won’t bother me for my autograph.” He said in fake modesty.

“You should be grateful to have any fans.” She scoffed at him.

“Ugh. You’re too mean, Sujin-ah.” Seojun pouted.

“Ugh. You’re too childish, Seojun-ah.” Sujin mimicked him.

“Um. Excuse me.” A shy looking girl approached Seojun.

“Oh, you want an autograph too?” Seojun had a pen ready. Sujin gave him her most scathing side eye.

“Um actually—”

“You want a picture too? Sorry but I’m not allowed to take pictures at the moment. But I’ll sign if you like.”

The girl blushed deeply. “No, um—”

“Oh I get it.” Seojun swiped his hair dramatically from his forehead. “You’re here to confess to me. Well then I should let you know—”

“They’dlikeyoubackonstage!” The girl quickly blurted. “They’d like you to join your band. The ceremony is about to begin.”

Sujin laughed uproariously, that clear gurgle of pure, high pitched happiness that Seojun often enjoyed. But not in this moment. Not when his arrogance had been so efficiently deflated.

“Sure. I’ll be right there.” He mumbled to the girl who scurried away. Sujin was still laughing. “Found that funny, did you?” Seojun said, but it was not a reprimand. He liked that she was happy.

“Yes.” Sujin wiped away tears.

“You’re going to regret making fun of me when I perform.” He said, comically pulling the lapels of his jacket before leaving.

The lights dimmed as the wedding began. The Master of Ceremonies kicked things off, guiding everyone through everything. The band only played instrumental now. Suho entered first. Jukyung entered after him, looking every bit the ethereal angel that she was.

The couple exchanged their wows and drank the traditional wine. They then bowed to each other and bowed to their guests. Even in the darkness, Seojun could pick out Sujin. From the light glittering off her cheeks he could tell she was crying. He was too. But these were happy tears. His friends were about to make a new journey in their life together and he was happy for them. Truly. That pain he had dreaded over Jukyung’s wedding never did show up. Perhaps it never would. All he could feel was excitement for his closest friends.

Seojun had only one regret, that Seyeon hadn’t been able to see this moment. Seyeon’s was the one absence he always felt. In that moment, Han Seojun swore that he saw Seyeon among the guests. He saw his friend smile to Lee Suho’s and then to him. But Seojun blinked and Seyeon was gone but Seojun would keep that image of Seyeon similing with him forever.

Once the formal ceremony was over, it was time for the real party to begin. Seojun and his band turned up the performance, raising the mood of the room. People danced and sang along with them as they played so well that Sujin realized she could no longer make fun of Seojun when he bragged about his band.

The band then slowed things down, the set finally reaching the song Seojun was excited to play. He emptied his mind of everything but that one song and how it made him feel. This was for Suho and Jukyung and he was going to give his best performance tonight.

The bride and groom took center stage and swayed as Seojun played a softer version of Haru by a lesser known band, Royal Pirates. His rich baritone filled the room as everyone listened, entranced.

“You’re not a traditional beauty, but I like you, you who gets more attractive everyday.”

Seojun had never understood why people considered her attractive. To him, beauty had never mattered. But as he had gotten to know her, he found her to be more beautiful that how others described her.

“You don’t have a feminine voice, but the more I hear it, the more I get attached.”

He could hear her now, scolding him, yelling at him, throwing witty remarks at him that caused him whiplash, which was just his heart beating really fast.

“I can’t call you often, but I always miss you.  Each minute, each second. Yeah-yeah.”

When he thought about it, they never really hung out as much as he did with Suho or his Seojun Squad. Most of the time Seojun was busy with work and so was she. But he still looked forward to the times he would meet her again.

“An entire day would pass just by looking at you. If I look at you, I can’t do anything else. Oooooooh. An entire day would pass just by thinking of you. I won’t be able to sleep at thoughts of you. But I can’t help it, an entire day would pass just because of you.”

Time did fly when they were together. Whether he liked her or hated her, he had to admit. She was never boring. Even through the mundane stuff, she always kept his attention. With her brows furrowed as she concentrated, her mouth turned like an ‘n’. He smiled whenever he thought about it.

“We have so many differences. But you fill up what I lack. No matter how much I see you, you’re always beautiful. No matter what anyone says.”

She was always ahead of him; so much smarter and stronger. Beating him at everything. Well, everything except—wait. He never played basketball with Jukyung.

Seojun missed a note. The guitar twanged awkwardly as he stopped singing. His hands were shaking but he didn’t have time to digest what had just happened. The moment only lasted a half-second; Seojun had recovered quickly and continued. No one paid attention to his little mess up, but his hands were still shaking, and his heart felt like it would burst.

He couldn’t think about it. But how couldn’t he? This song had been for her all along. He had been staring at Kang Sujin the entire time he was performing, without even knowing it.

“An entire day would pass just by looking at you. If I look at you, I can’t do anything else. Oooooooh. An entire day would pass just by thinking of you. I won’t be able to sleep at thoughts of you. But I can’t help it, an entire day would pass just because of you.”

The base guitarist for his band leaned over to him when the song was done.

“Thought you lost your footing for a bit there.”

“You noticed? Did anyone else did?”

“Nah, I think you’re safe. But are you okay? You’re shaking.”

“Nothing.” Seojun said, more to himself, “Its… its nothing.”

ix.

He never got to see her again at the wedding. The band was surrounded by fans once they finished so they had to be escorted out. Their food had been arranged separately for privacy. By the time Seojun got the chance to break free, Sujin, along with most of the guests, had left.

Which was good because he needed to settle himself before he said anything to anyone. He couldn’t make heads or tails of what had happened.

“I like Kang Sujin? Ridiculous. Totally, ridiculous. This would never happen!”

Be that as it may, his heart still acted strangely when he got a text from her asking if he was okay. She was worried about him since Jukyung and Suho were now married. He told her tersely that he was busy and couldn’t meet. Then threw his phone away when he realized he actually really wanted to meet her.

It was the first time that I felt that there was someone else who could understand me and understand what I was going through.

Seojun could still remember his irritation when Sujin had told him why she liked Lee Suho. He had resented the fact that yet another girl saw Lee Suho as perfect. How could Han Seojun ever compare to the perfectly perfect Lee Suho? He and Sujin had ten years between them and a shared tragedy with their fathers that Seojun didn’t have.

Ah-nee, can’t I be someone who understands? Can’t she see that I get her too?

“Ridiculous. Why would I want her to think I understand her? Ridiculous.”

If Han Seojun had to answer the What, When, Where and Why of his feelings, he would not be able to put it into words. His feelings were intense and complicated. Too complicated for even him to comprehend. Which is why the braincell that he shared with Suho decided that he must be mistaken and that he didn’t actually have any feelings for Sujin.

“Ah-ne-da. I must have been overwhelmed because of Jukyung. Yes, that must be it. It must be a defense mechanism. I’m only thinking about her to protect myself, because I’m still not over Jukyung.”

It made sense. She was the only other girl he was close to in his squad, and they had been hanging out together more than they used to. His heart must have just gotten confused for a moment. Yes, that was it and nothing more.

The group did not meet each other for a while. Suho and Jukyung had gone off to their honeymoon. Suah and Taehoon had their own things. Seojun only met up with Chorong and Co. but his heart was never in those meetings.

He wouldn’t meet up with her. She tried texting and calling but he always gave her an excuse.

Why did we start meeting so much in the first place? He hadn’t noticed when it had happened, but Sujin had become someone he had come to rely on and this he only noticed when he started avoiding her.

“Seojun, you’re not coming to the flower festival?” Chorong asked, shaking him out of his thoughts.

“Huh? What flower festival?”

“Ah-nee, where is your mind these days? You attend it every year! Did you forget?”

Oh right. Seojun always did like to see the flower exhibitions held once a year. He always got flowers for his mother and sister when he went. It may have seemed like a ridiculous hobby for a boy to be so interested in flowers. But Seojun unabashedly liked them and of course, Chorong and Co. were always there to go with him.

“Of course I’m going to attend. Wae?”

“Sujinnie was asking if she could tag along with us. Suah and Taehoon are not around so she has no one to go with.”

Sujinnie?! Seojun blinked rapidly. “Ya, since when are you and Kang Sujin close?”

“Waegurae? Aren’t we all friends with her now? Did something happen?”

Seojun put on a straight face, “Ah-nee!” He exclaimed in a pitch too high, “Nothing happened. I’m just surprised, as all.”

“Aigoo. Did you guys fight? Sujin did say you haven’t been replying to her texts recently.”

Seojun tried hiding his curiosity, “You’ve spoken to her?” He said, as nonchalantly as he could, which wasn’t nonchalant at all.

“Of course. We all had drinks yesterday.”

“What?! Why the hell did you guys meet her and not me?”

“Seojun, she did text you about it.” One of his friends pointed out.

“Yeah! And why are you acting so weird? Do you hate Kang Sujin again?” Chorong asked.

“Ya! Don’t hate her! We like her now!”

“Yes!” Half the group said together.

“Arasso! Arasso! Calm down.” Seojun waved at them to chill. It wasn’t as if he minded that Kang Sujin was hanging out with his friends. But he did feel a sense of betrayal that he didn’t know about it.

“So, how about it? Will you go?” Chorong asked.

The flower festival was an exhibition where all flower vendors came over to show off their best products. People looking for suppliers of flowers and the public in general could attend, buy flowers or just enjoy the various arrangements.

Seojun went with Chorong and the others. Sujin was there waiting for them.

“Ya Han Seojun! You’re alive!” She lit up when she saw him, punching him in the chest with a brutal force only she had.

“Yah! How could you hurt an idol like that?” Seojun rubbed his chest in pain.

“Oh, sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all!” Seojun said, “I’m a man. I don’t get hurt.”

“Pfft. Sure.” Sujin grinned.

They went through the various stalls that showcased the various beautiful flowers. The group seemed to have broken off. Chorong was led away by his girlfriend to take some pictures. The boys all banded around a strange, evil looking plant like school children. Seojun and Sujin seemed to have taken a track of their own.

“You don’t want to take pictures?” Seojun asked, pointing at Chorong and his girlfriend who were stopping at every stall.

“I don’t care for that sort of thing. Wae? You want me to take yours?”

“No. We should take on together.”

Seojun took out his phone and pulled Sujin closer, taking a selfie.

“Ya, you can’t even see the flowers.” Sujin complained.

“Yes, you can.” Seojun put a hand to his cheek. “Right here. I’m the flower.”

Sujin’s lip curled in disdain. “Ah, right.” She said dryly. Seojun laughed and she couldn’t help but smile too.

As a regular attendee, Seojun knew most of the repeat vendors there. He took Sujin around, introducing her to the people who knew him and showing her the various flowers he liked. Sujin listened to him go on at length about where the flowers came from and what they meant.

“You know the language of flowers?” Sujin asked, thinking back to the white tulips and the yellow roses he had gotten her way back when.

“Dangyunhaji! Every man should know flowers. How else will you impress the ladies?”

Sujin chuckled. “You know if being an idol doesn’t pan out, you can always be a florist.”

“I’m too pretty to be a florist. The flowers would all wither in shame.”

Sujin patted his head, sarcastically remarking, “Aigoo, our Seojun has suffered so much for being so good looking. It must have been so difficult, living like this.”

It felt nice being with Sujin again. Seojun felt oddly energetic; like he could run a mile and not break a sweat. He babbled about this and that and wondered if Sujin was getting bored. But she never was, she listened and nodded and responded when need be. Time flew by and before he knew it, they had finished going through the festival.

He pulled at the sleeve of her coat, “There’s something else you should see.”

In the back corner, hidden away from the main area were the small level vendors who could only afford the cheaper stalls. It was a street that led away from the festival. Only a couple of people were around.

“These people don’t earn that much because they’re always placed at the back. But they have the best flowers.”

Seojun introduced her to the people that were running the stall, all of whom he knew by name. Some of them gave Sujin flowers for free. She gratefully took them.

The day was almost ending, the slow sunset had begun. A lot petals had been shed. The street with these vendors was covered in these petals, making it look like a path made entirely of flowers.

“This is really beautiful, Seojun-ah.” Sujin said, admiring the street.

“Yeah.” Seojun said, looking at her.

One of the stalls was filled entirely with tulips. Bright yellow owns, pretty pink ones, eccentric multi-colored ones. Seojun pulled out a purple one and gave it to Sujin.

“Here you go, Princess.” Purple tulips represented regality. Sujin smiled.

“Aaand…” Seojun’s picked out a red one. “Here.” He said. Then quickly-— a little too quickly— he added. “Ah-Because it matches your coat.” He pointed at Sujin’s red coat.

Sujin looked at the flower, then back at him. But said nothing.

They strolled over to a bridge that overlooked the entire festival. The descending sun had set everything in a warm glow. The air smelled sweet with all of the flowers. Petals flew in the air.

“Here.” Sujin handed the tulips back to Seojun.

“Why? They’re for you.”

Sujin smiled. “Phabo. You should be giving them to the girl you like. And tell her what they mean when you give them.”

Seojun sighed wistfully, “The girl I like doesn’t know the language of flowers.”

Sujin hit him lightly with the tulips. “I wasn’t talking about Lim Jukyung. Go and like someone else, and bring her here, and give them these.”

“I wasn’t talking about Lim Jukyung either.”

“Mwo-ya. You have someone you like?”

Seojun’s bit his lip. “Yeah. But I’m going to give up.”

“Waaaee? You only just got over Lim Jukyung!”

“Because this girl likes someone else too.”

“Omo, chincha?” Sujin laughed. “Again? Ya, Han Seojun, can’t you choose a better girl to like?”

Seojun gave a sad chuckle. “I know, right?”

“Who is she? Do I know her?”

“Yeah.”

“Who is it? Tell me!”

“Nope. Secret.”

“Ugh, how stingy. At least give me a hint. What does she look like?”

Seojun looked at Sujin, “She’s beautiful. Very beautiful.”

“Ayyy, that’s every girl out there.”

“Well, that’s all the hint I’m giving.”

Sujin punched his arm but relented. It was perhaps better to not know who Seojun liked. Sujin would have been filled with jealousy again and she didn’t want that.

It was curious however, that Seojun found someone he liked, and she didn’t even know. It was curiouser that this new girl had someone she liked too. Just like Sujin, Han Seojun had—

Sujin looked at the tulips in her hand. They stood out among the other flowers the various vendors had given her. Sujin looked at Seojun, who was busy admiring the sunset.

It was strange, but in that moment, she remembered something her teacher had once said.

Some of you don’t know what it is you really want. And some of you do know but you’re hesitant. However, opportunities come without warning and you must be prepared to take advantage of it.

“Han Seojun.”

“Hmm?”

Sujin pointed the flowers at him, tilting her head slightly. Much like he had done a long time ago when he had asked her Do you think I’m handsome?

“Do you like me?”

And just like she had, Seojun answered immediately, with no remorse or regret. “Yes.”

Like the cool girl she was, Sujin didn’t overreact or exclaim in surprise. She only casually said, “I like you too. So, we should date.”

A beat of a pause. One, two three.

“What? What?! WHAT?! You like me? You like me?! Me?! As in, Han Seojun?”

“Yes you, you idiot. Manhi Joahae.”

“What? Ican’tbelievethis. How? Why? Wait, you asked me if I liked you. Did you already know?” Seojun appeared as if his brain had malfunctioned.

Sujin grinned. “You phabo, even if I didn’t know flower language, I could still tell by the red tulip. Ah-nee, red is the universal color for romance. Didn’t you know?”

Seojun’s face was a mixture of wonder, shock and pure happiness. His eyes were wide, cheeks red and pulled up, mouth hanging open in a slow smile. He had no words to speak. He felt like he would explode like a firecracker and light up the sky in sparks.

“You like me? You really like me?”

Sujin closed the distance between them, pulling at the lapel of his coat. She gave him only a chaste peck on his lips before moving back, blushing. “It’s official now. So, no backing out, okay?”

His mind, that was already haywire, went blank.

He pulled Sujin by the waist, pressing her entire form to him and cupped her face with his other hand. The kiss he gave her was intense and she gasped before giving in to him. Sujin felt she could stay like this forever. The kiss only ended because their mouths kept pulling back in an uncontrollable grin.

“You like me?” Seojun asked.

“Yes.”

He kissed her again but they couldn’t stop smiling. Both of them were shaking.

“You like me?” He asked again.

“Yes.” She replied again, chuckling.

And they kissed again.

“You like me?”

“Yes!” She laughed.

And they kissed again. And he asked again, she replied again, and they kissed again and again and again.

 EPILOGUE

When Seojun and Sujin told Jukyung and the others that they were dating, it had been the first of April. So naturally everyone assumed they were joking. Seojun and Sujin hadn’t realized this and were surprised at the luke warm response that everyone gave to their announcement.

“Yes. We believe you.” Suah had said and Sujin missed her sarcastic tone.

when Seojun gushed over Sujin, the group all just looked at each other thinking, Wow, they’re really dedicated to this prank.

And even when they left together, the group all gathered and said;

“You believe them?”

“Why pull a prank that’s so obvious?”

“Exactly! Han Seojun and Kang Sujin? No way.”

Only Suho had been the one to keep his silence and not say anything.

But when they all met up again and Seojun and Sujin acted like a couple again, everyone gasped in shock.

“What?!”

“You guys are actually dating?!”

“How?! How did this happen?”

Only Suho had been the one who wasn’t surprised. “Congratulations. I’m happy for the two of you.” He had said warmly.

“Sujin-ah, what about our affair?” Jukyung said despondently, making a crying face.

“I’ll let you know when Seojunnie goes on tour.” Sujin assured her quietly.

“YAH!” Both Suho and Seojun exclaimed in protest, pulling their girlfriends away from each other.

“Lim Jukyung, you keep your hands off my girlfriend.” Seojun warned.

“I will. But there’s no guarantee she’ll keep her hands off me.”

Chorong and Co. had a similar reaction, they all exploded into shock and happiness at the news. Only Chorong seemed unsurprised.

“So you finally figured out your feelings?” Chorong asked Seojun.

“You knew?”

“Friends know.”

To Sujin, Chorong said, “Sujin-ah, I respect you a lot. But if you hurt—”

“Arasso, arasso. I won’t hurt your precious Han Seojun.”

“I meant don’t hurt me if he ever pisses you off. You scare the shit out of me.”

When enough time had passed and they knew they had to tell their parents, they went to Seojun’s mother first. The woman had been pleasantly surprised by this news and declared Sujin a part of the family immediately. She had met Sujin before and had taken a liking to her immediately but now that she and Seojun were dating, the woman gushed and cried.

“Ah, I have another daughter now.” She said, kissing Sujin on the forehead.

The tricky part was Sujin’s mother, who was still a little pissed over the scandal.

“What will people say if you announce this online?!” The woman had argued.

“But mom,” Sujin made a flower pot with her hands around Seojun’s face, “look at how handsome he is.” And that was enough to entice Mrs. Kang.

Receiving so much happiness and love from everyone was an unfamiliar experience for Sujin. So much so that it terrified her. She felt like she was in a dream that would shatter any minute and she would suddenly wake up back in her old bed with her father banging on the door, screaming at her that she was worthless.

It was this image that jerked Sujin awake in the middle of the night. She sat up straight, her heart was pounding, her hands felt sweaty and clammy. Her father’s shouting was still ringing in her ears.

Seojun stirred on the other side of the bed, “Bad dream?” His rich baritone was husky from sleep but it cut through the darkness of the room and Sujin didn’t feel so scared anymore.

“Um-hmm.”

“Come here.” Seojun patted her side of the bed. She fell back into his arms, nuzzling her nose in his neck.

He sang to her softly, his deep voice soothing her. “Love, love the stars. Love, love the moon. Nothing has really changed. It’s still the same air. With the same bed looking at the same ceiling.”

Sujin’s hands stopped feeling clammy and dirty and soon enough, she drifted off to sleep, dreaming of flowers and sunsets.

 THE END.

A/N: Dear reader, if you stuck till the end and liked what I wrote, then thank you. Saranghae <3

Please have my badly made memes with my sarangs

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

The 1st Billboard Hot100 #1 win Night - a Masterclass in PR

by Admin 1, with a little help from Admin 2

This might not be a topic that’ll interest many, but I think it’s a fascinating thing to look at. We all know PR is a very powerful thing, and everyone, especially someone like BTS, makes use of it all day, every day, in many different ways. I’ve always been curious about different tactics and strategies used to further certain agendas or cover certain things, or steer conversation in certain directions if another direction didn’t suit the intended course of action or conversation.

A very curious case for the implementation of an obvious PR tactic, for me, is the saga of the night in which BTS achieved their first Billboard Hot100 #1 win with Dynamite on September 1st 2020. Some may ask ‘but Admin 1, there was no PR involved, what are you on about?’ to which I say: continue reading, please, it might become clear as you do.

Contrary to what some have taken as gospel, the events of that night and who was where are not as clear as some will make you want to believe. And before I dive into things, I would like to make one thing crystal clear: I am by no means calling anyone a liar in this, and I am no members anti, nor an anti of any ship. This isn’t about shipping, at least not in the traditional sense, and it has nothing to do with my preference of ship either. Instead I want to highlight how effectively shipping/ships are used as PR tool.

Now that that’s out of the way, here we go:

The initial tweets and weverse posts:

As the events of the announcement of the BB Hot100 top 10 unfolded, ARMY and the members waiting and then celebrating, we saw posts by Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Taehyung and Jimin pop up on twitter and weverse, crying and celebrating, sharing their disbelief at what had happened. Jimin mentioned crying together with Yoongi while Seokjin mentioned Namjoon sharing the news in their BTS group chat. Further details about who was were didn’t really appears besides the mention of Jimin and Yoongi falling asleep around 7 am on the sofa together. The thing I’d like to draw attention to here, because it’ll become important later, is that none of those posts mentioned Jungkook.

The celebratory vlive:

The entirety of the vlive isn’t really all that important to this, the only thing I’d like to highlight is what Taehyung said, being this:

1st the live translation version:

How vlive editors translated it:

Regardless which version you��“prefer”, it boils down to Taehyung being too lazy to go to Jimin and instead asking Jimin to come to him so they can sleep next to each other/together, and Jimin calling Tae while crying and telling him about their #1. The only drastic difference would be word choice on whether Tae meant his room or his apartment, as people argue that “my place” is ambiguous but I’d say it was meant as his room (most likely within the dorm) since otherwise it wouldn’t make sense for him to ask Jimin to come to him halfway across the city in the middle of the night. But, whether or not that interpretation is correct or not isn’t really even all that important for this masterclass in PR.

The only thing you need to keep in mind is the implications of his words: Taehyung wanted Jimin to come to him so they could sleep next to each other/together.

The press conference:

Now this is where things get very interesting and where PR comes into play. The interesting thing to note is that Jungkook spoke about how he found out about their #1 first, while Jimin spoke about it much later. 

So, what did Jungkook say?

Basically he found out about the news not from the group chat, which we know is where Namjoon had posted about the news, and also not from another member. No, according to him, he found the news online and wasn’t even sure if he could believe it. This is important so remember that.

Now, the final piece that’s important to this is what Jimin said, who spoke about the night about 11 minutes later. The relevant part is this:

To summarize, Jimin found out around 4 am, stayed up crying until about 7 am which is when he fell asleep from exhaustion. The most interesting part in all of this is that he starts out by recounting the events using “I”, “I was basically crying...” and “I was really shocked” and yet suddenly, despite having told us the entire timeline of his night already, he mentions being with Jungkook and his sentences switch to “we” and he briefly recounts the night again but changing the story to “we” instead of “I”. Interesting.

Masterclass in PR:

Now that we have all three pieces of the puzzle, here is why this is a brilliant masterclass in PR. Timeline wise we have Taehyung’s initial story of wanting to spend the night with Jimin and Jimin calling him, this indicating that they were most likely at least in the same apartment (keep in mind their dorm is gigantic so it makes sense for them to call and text even while both are at home).

This was very controversial, going as far as causing fights between ARMYs and even accusations being thrown at our wonderful translators on twitter that they mistranslated his words, even though all of them basically translated Taehyung’s words in an identical manner (many of these translations though are now gone, or at least I’m unable to find them). What that means? Portions of ARMY rejected his version of the story.

Up next is what Jungkook said, that he found out online without the mention of any members or any indication that he’d seen their GC. I think here is where a mistake happened. Based on what Jimin said later in the press conference, this seems like a deviation from the plan. But, regardless if that is true or not, his words were completely ignored by basically everyone, and especially those who rebelled against what Tae said in their vlive.

Now, here is where the magic happens. What do you do when you have a loud portion of the fandom being displeased with the story of how an event went down, when a member of the group you do PR for might’ve told a story too true and private, or when a member of said group inadvertently revealed he might’ve not actually been with any of the other members but somewhere else completely? You use the wonderful tool of shipping to draw attention away from the thing that doesn’t fit, and instead give the people what they want. And that is what Jimin did. By saying “I was with Jungkook”, despite not having mentioned him in the night itself nor in the vlive, he completely rewrote the truth. Those who rejected both Tae’s and Jungkook’s words latched onto what Jimin said and turned it into gospel.

And this is PR magic. Give the people what they want and they will forget the thing you’re trying to cover up. Suddenly anyone who doubted the validity of that statement (Jimin was with Jungkook) were called haters, antis, were accused of calling Jimin a liar, and thus they were silenced out of fear of being hated or dog-piled. Because Jimin’s words are the ones that suited people most. Not what Tae said, or what Jungkook did. People wanted Jimin to be with Jungkook, and not potentially with Taehyung, so PR went and gave them exactly that.

We know that in the world of idols the true private lives of idols are being kept as secret as that is possible to achieve. What this whole switch of narrative and the three contradicting stories tell me is that the first and second one were likely the truth, the first story true yet too private to have the focus be on it while the second simply didn’t fit the people either, especially since it implied that Jungkook wasn’t with the members and might’ve spent his birthday somewhere else and with other friends instead, which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing at all but considering JK already was involved in unpleasant press earlier that year, it might’ve just caused another such situation if people were to actually think about what he said. So a more idol appropriate version of the story was created, one that mixed truth--Jimin was crying and awake until the morning--with a white lie--he was with Jungkook--creating the narrative people wanted and covering up the truth people did not want.

And that’s how you do PR, how you change the narrative to cover what people are not supposed to focus on with a tool much more powerful than the truth.

Whether or not my conclusion is true or not, whether you believe me or not, that’s up to you. I merely tried to present an as unbiased as possible point of view at the night and what I think is the only logical explanation for why the events didn’t match up. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter what the truth is, and what the members were truly doing that night isn’t important either. It’s their business, their private life, something they are not obliged to share with us and also don’t owe us. I just thought it was an interesting discussion to have.

[frogtanii]

Hi, it’s 🫐 again! I’m like 2 hours late with my points and questions but it’s the thought that counts 🤧;

1) This chapter in general was significantly more lighthearted than the previous ones! It’s a nice balance, and a needed one considering what happened last chapter. I’m happy you added the element anon mentioned! It makes it feel more real and it makes sense.

2) I really liked how nice Kiyoomi was to Koushi, he didn’t pressure him and only offered help; it’s nice that he didn’t push Suga to talk to him. I’m kind worried about the latter though, I hope he’s safe right now and on his way over to his room.

3) The tweets were so cute!! I’m surprised Kuroo was there at all, to be honest. I’d have thought he’d turn them down - but it’s nice to see him hanging out with Y/N and the others. It must be a nice break from Meiko and her “harem”.

4) Now, Meiko... when I said she saw the boys as object I didn’t think it’d be so literally, lol. She’s so weird, hasn’t she noticed how they all have been distancing themselves from her? Does she not understand that they’re not into her or hers? Like, what did she think was going on? She seems so... lost in her own little world of lies she’s built around herself, could she really have deluded herself into believing they all really still love her?

5) Also! This is the first time we’ve seen Meiko address Y/N directly, she normally only talks to her through the gc and not to her directly. It’s so on character that the first interaction we see between the two is her being unnecessarily aggressive and borderline delusional.

6) I have an analysis on Meiko’s character, if I’m allowed to ramble; she seems genuinely delusional, like she thinks she can do no wrong. I have the feeling that she might even believe some of her own lies, which is why she feels so entitled to the boys. Meiko seems to have this weird mixture of a superiority and inferiority complex which leads to her needing people needing her. She can’t fathom the idea that she’s not all she thinks she is, though I feel like she might subconsciously know she’s not all that - leading to her lies and manipulation. She’s a manipulative narcissist with a god complex, she thinks she doesn’t only deserve but own the men she’s surrounded herself with.

7) Away from Meiko, Testuro slowly warming up to Y/N and her friends yet still being distant, as annoying as it might be from a reader’s perspective, is not only realistic but also telling of the hold Meiko had on him and how cautious he’s still being. Honestly, he’s one of the characters I don’t see Y/N befriending easily.

8) Now this is something that’s had me thinking! Does Y/N see any of the redeemed boys as friends or close to her? I have the feeling that while she’s not as cold or particularly distant, she’s not as open to them as she’s with Atsumu or HanaMaki. Do the boys not notice or do they not mind? I imagine they do know but don’t mind since they kind of understand why she’s still apprehensive of them, but they’re still trying to get close to her nonetheless. If that’s the case, do they expect her to return any possible feelings (mainly Kenma and Omi) or have they accepted there’s a chance she won’t contact them again once the contact is over?

Overall, this chapter was super interesting and might be a favorite of mine! It’s kind of impressive how much you managed to fit of Meiko’s personality in one text, like kudos Fr0ggy! There’s so many questions and theories I have, I could write a whole essay on PF... it’s the hold you have over your readers and your stories that’s so!! It’s borderline addictive. -🫐

hi love!! dw abt it, it took me like 5 hours respond to asks LMAO but wowie this is so in-depth??? i so appreciate it — i read every word i just m so tired i can’t respond properly BUT JUST KNOW I <3 U V MUCH also ur always allowed to ramble!!! i rlly like reading ur analysis’ hehe

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

So, I was filling a prompt, finished the ficlet, then upon pasting it back into the answer box I realized the prompt was for a completely different setting. So here, have a GC ficlet that doesn’t fill the brief. 

(Don’t worry, I’ll write a new one to fill the actual prompt.)

---

As soon as James learns Lena is being treated in the same hospital as him, he immediately tries to visit her. He knows that they’re not together anymore. He knows he’s in no position to care about her. He knows.

His heart doesn’t care. 

The minute Kelly leaves to freshen up back at her hotel, James tries to visit, only to be stopped at the door by the nurse who comes to investigate why his monitors are shrieking. 

“I feel fine,” he tells them. “I just need to go take care of something…”

“You need to get back in bed,” the nurse replies. There’s a threat in the nurse’s voice that promises they won’t take no for an answer, for all that they’re barely half his height. “Mr. Olsen.”

Not wanting to make a scene, James tries to broker a deal. “I will, if you can tell me whether Lena Luthor is all right.”

“I’m not authorized to share details of another patient’s care,” the nurse replies, stepping further into the room and forcing James back towards the bed. “That would be called a HIPAA violation, and I quite like my job, thank you.”

James sat on the edge of the bed, and remained still as the nurse re-applied the sensors to the contacts still adhered to his bare chest. “Look, I don’t want to be any trouble. But Lena’s a friend--”

“If that’s true, then you’ll learn about her condition from her family or designated next of kin.”

“I really am fine, you know.”

He’s felt fine since he woke up, if exhausted. And hungry. But certainly well enough to walk the few steps to wherever they were keeping Lena.

“You can take that up with your attending,” the nurse replied. They affixed the final sensor and pulled back the bedcovers in a silent, yet insistent invitation. 

James obliged, sliding his legs back under the sheet. “I’d like to speak to him, then.”

The nurse nodded. “I’ll page him for you.”

“Thank you.”

One way or another, he would visit Lena. 

---

When he signs himself out of the hospital against medical advice, James doesn’t bother to leave the building. As soon as he’s out of sight of the nurse’s station, he takes a hard right towards the elevators. He surmises Lena isn’t in critical condition-- Kara or Alex would have told him if she was. He has a mind to bypass the ICU and start roaming until he finds the VIP unit when the elevator doors opened to reveal Lena herself, pale and shadow-eyed in the same suit he’d last seen her in. Her jacket is now rumpled and unbuttoned, her hair pulled into an off-center ponytail, but her gaze sharpens and widens at once at the sight of him.

“James.”

“Lena.”

James extends one arm, holding the elevator door open as he studies her. She looks tired, and something about her seems slightly off-kilter, like a stiff breeze could bowl her over. 

“Are you all right?” he asks.

Lena swallows. “I was just on my way to visit.”

A small smile lifted the corner of James’ mouth. “And I was just figuring out how to sneak in and see you.”

For all that Lena had been on her way to his room-- and James can’t bring himself to doubt her, as hard as it is to imagine that she’d want to see him-- she doesn’t seem to know what to say. In the silence that follows, James steps into the elevator and lets the doors close. 

“I might have signed myself out AMA,” he says. “I think I should probably get out of here before they change their minds about letting me go.”

“They have no grounds to keep you,” Lena points out. “I saw your charts. You’re in perfect condition.”

James nods. “I think it’s the how that has them twisted in knots about it.”

The ride is short, depositing them on a chaotic ground floor. James lets Lena exit first, but keeps a close distance as they navigate through the crowd to the doors. Only when they hit the pavement outside does James realize his car is still at CatCo, and neither of them have the means to get home.

“So, how about a taxi--”

James stops in his tracks when he turns and sees Lena rigid beside him, her hand lifted to shield eyes that are clenched tightly shut. Concern floods through him, erasing any ounce of hesitation in his bones. 

“Whoa, hey…” He shifts to block the sunlight with his body, casting a shadow across Lena that’s dense enough for her to crack her eyes open. The hand shielding her eyes presses against her temple in a tell-tale sign of discomfort. “Migraine?”

After a tense moment, Lena nods. 

“Okay,” James says softly. “Let’s get you home.”

Lena doesn’t protest when James wraps a careful arm around her, guiding her towards the curb. He signals to the taxi that’s just pulled up to drop off a passenger, and bundles Lena into the back of it, giving the driver his own address instead of Lena’s. 

The ride is painfully quiet, but James savors it. Until this moment, he hasn’t truly appreciated how much he’s missed Lena: the weight of her presence in an enclosed space, the warmth of her hand in his. He feels her take deep, measured breaths, and senses the worsening of her growing headache in the tension that continues to build in her frame. 

When he gets her upstairs, James guides her to the bedroom, then slips back out to the kitchen to prepare a warm damp towel to rest over her eyes. The practice is familiar: it would be comforting if not for the fact that it meant Lena was in pain. He hopes she can rest here-- a hope that’s dashed when he hears the sharp bustle of Lena lurching into the bathroom. The toilet lid smacks against the tank and then she’s retching.

James abandons the towel and rushes in to help. Moving to kneel beside her is second nature, as is the careful motion of pulling her hair back. His free hand rests between her shoulder blades-- not rubbing, nothing to irritate her heightened, nauseated senses-- just a simple, silent comfort.

When the retching eases, Lena pauses, poised over the toilet bowl in case her stomach changed its mind. She’s exhausted and miserable, but there is nothing more that James can do. He simply waits with her, until her body decides it’s finished.

“I’m sorry.”

Lena’s murmur surprises James. He looks at Lena: she’s staring into the basin, but her gaze is unfocused, unseeing. 

“For what?” he asks.

Her eyes close, pressing shut against a sight she can’t unsee. 

“Everything.”

James knows what she could be referring to-- pushing him away, for Eve shooting him, the measures she took to save his life. But there’s a weight to her trembling shoulders that hints at more. What that more could be, James can’t even begin to guess, and he knows Lena isn’t in any condition to share. 

“We’ll talk later,” he says, his voice low. “Right now, you need to rest.”

He helps her to the sink, then to his bed. She slips under the covers like she belongs there, kicking off her shoes and depositing her hair elastic on the bedside table as she has so many times before. James pulls the curtains and on his way out he takes a moment to tuck the duvet up around her shoulders.

Already half asleep, Lena’s curled on her side when she reaches out with one hand and closes her fingers around his. Their eyes meet, and James can’t bring himself to break away.

“Stay?”

The request comes softer than a whisper, but it roars in James’ ears, resounding against the pounding of his heart.

“Okay.”

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

Oh boy that post I reblogged about Todoroki and Iida understanding memes & pretending not to got me INSPIRED so here r some Izukrew groupchat/meme headcanons:

Everyone thinks the bakusquad chat is crazy and while they’re right, the izukrew chat is just as wild

They have probably planned acts of vigilanteism in here I mean what?

The chat has definitely made at least 164 different plans to kill End**v*r, just in case. They aren’t gonna actually use them they’re just a precaution & a way to vent (probably. End**v*r better watch what he does tho). Someone in the squad had a bad day? Make a plan to kill End**v*r, you’ll feel better. Todoroki doesn’t always contribute, & they always ask him before they make a new plan to make sure he’s still okay with it, but he appreciates the support & knowing that his friends love him and have his back

[Achey Breaky 🅱️ones]: Hey Todoroki, can we make a plan to kill your dad? [Elsa But Better]: ya sure go wild [Running in the 90s]: Can Uraraka float the bastard into the sun? Discuss. [You’ll Float Too]: ive never tried to make anything go that high but for todoroki definitely!! [Elsa But Better]: ...thank you” [Kermit With A Gun]: (flamingdumpster.jpg) it is He go wild Ochako

Uraraka talks in the chat the most, followed by Todoroki (if sending memes counts as talking), Midoriya, Iida, and finally Tsuyu who lurks a lot but doesn’t respond as often as the others

They have a “days since Midoriya last injured himself” counter that they update daily. The record was 15 days. The average is 3.

They change each other’s nicknames often. They have free reign as long as it’s not too mean, and chat rules say they have to keep whatever their name was changed to for at least a week. Sometimes they match names/ have a theme. Sometimes they bring their name changes over to the main chat too.

There is a designated “Iida Appreciation Day” when the chat is especially nice to and appreciative of Iida that happens in the chat every few weeks because they realize that they as a class are a Lot to deal with & even tho Iida is way more chill in the chat with his close friends than he can be in the main class chat they know he still feels responsible for them & does a lot for them. Iida does not know about Iida Appreciation Day (but when he finds out he is super touched & maybe cries a little bit)

Todoroki is king of the really weird, really abstract memes. The rest of the squad has no idea how he finds them & is kinda too afraid to ask

He also has a reaction image for everything and like,,, he just HAS them he doesn’t look them up, which the rest of the squad realizes cause he replies way too fast to have looked it up on the internet. They are in awe of his power

Besides the izukrew gc, only one person knows that Todoroki memes, and that’s Kaminari, because Todoroki likes to t-pose & do other meme things while Kaminari is looking at him & then as soon as anyone else is about to see what he’s doing he immediately stops. Kaminari is going crazy because nobody will believe him that stoic Todoroki, who has the greatest deadpan expression ever, memes. “Todoroki? Are you sure? Kaminari maybe you’re sick, he doesn’t know memes remember? We yelled ‘this b*tch empty’ in front of him yesterday and he just stared blankly at us.” “BUT MINA I SWEAR I SAW HIM DAB!” Ashido and Sero tried to catch him doing it but gave up after a while, stating that nobody is that good at hiding their meme knowledge. The rest of the izukrew knows obviously but feign confusion because 1) it’s funny and 2) Todoroki is genuinely having fun. When Todoroki eventually reveals to the rest of the class that he can meme, he apologizes for pranking a very vindicated Kaminari.

Iida likes those memes that combine several memes. He sends reaction images that are just memes without text bc he knows his friends will understand exactly what he’s talking about

He’s also king of photoshop & totally uses those skills for evil - he’s rly good at putting Lucky Luciano into pictures, making his friends break into a cold sweat as he sends a picture to the chat that is seemingly the exact same as the one the last person sent. Since they’re so competitive they have an ongoing competition to see who can find him first (Iida keeps the score. Right now Tsuyu is winning, but the ranks change often)

He, like Todoroki, pretends not to know memes, but takes it a little further & pretends not to know teen slang either so he can misuse it in front of people & laugh at his classmates cringing (Iida: Seatbelts are important. As Ashido might say, they are “totes yeet, yo!” Ashido: //crying// IIDA NO! Iida: Does that not mean that it is very important? Ashido: //crying louder// NO!!!). Some classmates attempt to “teach” him but he “just does not get it”. Again the izukrew pretends not to know because it’s funny.

Uraraka is queen of wholesome memes. She has so many “I love my friends” memes & always has cute images ready to send in case anyone is sad or stressed. Everyone in the chat would die for her no questions asked (she will use this to her advantage one day probably).

She also really likes spongebob memes and uses them often. Her favorite is the one where spongebob is wearing those pink frilly glasses

While she is queen of wholesome memes, she’s not afraid to tease anyone & often sends smug/teasing reaction images. Nobody is safe, especially if they tease her first, & if there’s a competition in the chat she goes all in. When she wins anything it’s like “[You’ll Float Too]: (dignitylaugh.gif) whats this? it seems i have won our little competition...” (But then immediately after she sends her first victory message she’s like “lmao jk good game”)

Midoriya sends links to random ass YouTube videos to the chat at 3 am. Sometimes the videos aren’t even memes they’re all might documentaries or something he thought was interesting or thought one of his friends might think was interesting or videos someone made about how they trained their quirk that he thinks might help someone but sometimes they’re completely nonsensical. It’s like a roulette wheel every time someone clicks a link Midoriya sent. Sometimes the chat makes bets about the contents of the video before anyone opens it. Most of the time they’re all wrong.

He doesn’t rlly have a favorite style of meme, but he always has a million specific variations of whatever meme is popular at the time and all past popular memes. His phone camera is like a meme record. He’s rlly good at finding vine comps with good but not rlly well known vines.

He also infodumps in the chat sometimes bc they let him & he is really grateful that his friends are actually interested in what he has to say

Tsuyu sends memes that roast the sh*t out of everyone in the chat. When one of her friends is doing smth stupid she totally calls them out in the form of memes (she’s really good at finding those tiktoks that feel like they are roasting you specifically). She’s a comedic timing genius and knows just when to send things (& because she doesn’t use the chat as much that makes it even funnier). She also is, rather predictably, fond of frog memes

She also loves making those alignment chart type memes (& the ones with like the triangles or the four quadrants) & makes them for/about her friends & classmates often. She is scarily good at reading people and hits the nail on the head 99% of the time. Sometimes she sends them to the main class chat too and the rest of the class is like ?!?!?!?!?!?!

Because she’s a big sister, she often sends reminders to the chat to take care of bthemselves (Iida does this a lot too, but sometimes she has to remind him because he’s so caught up in caring about others he forgets to care about himself. Actually everyone in this chat is guilty of that including Tsuyu smh). Since the others make sure she takes care of herself in return, she’s really grateful for her friends

Bonus hcs:

Aoyama, once he is added to the chat, become the expert at sending selfies of himself looking directly at the camera while a member of the chat is distracted in the background, not seeing him. The chat makes it a game to try and spot Aoyama before he can get a picture, but Aoyama always wins. When asked how he can escape the detection of even those who are always on edge/have been trained to notice every little movement, he just smiles and says “it’s a secret~!”

Shinsou, who eventually replaces M*n*t* in 1A bc this is my city & grape boy is gross, does a thing called “insomniac hours” where he will send a random question to the chat at like 3 am & Midoriya, who is almost always awake then (or sometimes Todoroki Tsuyu or Uraraka if they’re up, and very very occasionally Iida), will give him a super detailed answer. Sometimes during the day the chat plays a version of this where Shinsou asks an obviously nonsensical question and the rest of the chat has to come up with long, nonsensical answers & then votes on the best ones. Many inside jokes were borne from this game.

[make-it-mavis]

Homesick (Entry #40)

(cw: discussion of addiction and relapse) ----------

02/02/88  8:04 PM

Hey.

Well. At this point, it feels like there is so much to say, yet so little… comparatively.

Most of this bedtime story has been rife with screaming arguments, hallucinations, and explosions. There will not be so much of those, moving forward. I could say that the day I blew up Felix’s apartment was a turning point for me. It was the first moment where I truly felt like I had taken a step towards moving on and… letting go of what I could. But it was not a sharp turn, nor was it a great, leaping bound. Things did not suddenly get easier. No, they were only difficult in a different way.

But they were different.

I could probably fill a completely separate notebook with the details of my journey through counselling since then. But that would be very boring to read and to write, so I will just give you the important bits to catch you up to speed. Stay with me, now. This is going to be a whole lot condensed into chewable pieces.

In counselling, we learned about the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Looking back, I can see how non-linear it was for me. I spent so long dancing around the first three. But after my amnesia was cured, I arrived at depression. Collapsed into it, really. 

Now, I’ve been depressed before. It was quite some time ago, before you and I even met. So I recognized what I was experiencing. But this time around, it was… more acute. Less existential, and more like an injury. I wasn’t lost inside my head. I knew exactly what I was sad about, and it was as real and tangible as any physical wound I had sustained before.

It was as if my very code had been pushed to the point of exhaustion and could not get back up. I spent most of my time on Felix’s couch, and most of that time was spent sleeping. I barely showered and I smelled like hell, but Felix still insisted on having tea and chatting at least once a day. He did almost all the talking, and I usually didn’t drink the tea, but he didn’t mind. He’d just drink it for me, and end up taking such frequent trips to the bathroom that I’d fall asleep again.

Given that I could barely make myself get up and walk around, going to counselling was more daunting than ever. November passed by without me taking notice, and it was maybe a week into December before I was able to make it there again. When I did, I told everyone what I’d done. What I’d remembered. And how I had been absent so long because I felt too depressed to come. Then, of course, they told me that the best time to come to counselling is when you don’t want to. I wanted to argue with that, but they were probably right. 

I very quickly came to understand why counselling was done in a group. At first, it felt like a punishment, like we all had to sit around and think about what we’d done. Or that there just weren’t enough counsellors for one-on-one therapy. It’s not even entirely just for empathizing with others’ similar experiences, or creating a sense of community. No, it’s something much more annoying than that.

A group will hold you accountable. They’ll make sure you’re participating and call you out when you’re not. I went into the counselling experience hoping I could just do the time and get out, but no one gets away with that in a group. You can’t just rip off the bandaid.

No, counselling is more like ripping off the bandaid, then digging into the wound with tweezers to pull out all the shrapnel, then stitching up the wound, and repeatedly changing the bandages to avoid infection. And then those stitches can sometimes come loose and you have to do them all over again.

It sucks. It hurts. But I won’t say it doesn’t work.

Anyway, around this point in the ‘story,’ I still hadn’t quite finished Step 4, with the ‘fearless moral inventory.’ I was still having trouble deciding just what to say. I had Felix be the audience to my venting one night. I explained to him my predicament: I had done many things that others would consider ‘bad’ or ‘immoral’ over the course of my life, far too many to count or to list. And a whole lot of them, I didn’t even feel bad for. Pranks, petty theft, and general snarkiness seemed harmless enough. I didn’t know what was worth adding to the list.

Felix suggested sticking to the big ones. What things did I consider not so harmless? What things were bad enough to make me lose sleep over? What did I really, truly regret?

I didn’t want to tell him. Those questions felt too prying. But, reminding myself that I was trying to make big changes, I eventually managed to name it all.

I felt bad for… assuming the worst of everyone. Especially anyone close to me. I felt bad for getting them all involved with my problems, and… refusing their help, but still somehow taking advantage of them. For making Felix worry that I was going to die, and for making Wreck-it feel responsible.

And Tapper. Just… in general, Tapper. Everything I’d done to him. Lying to him. Using him. Endangering his game. 

Endangering my game.

Threatening that one anonymous stranger for a hit of GC.

And getting you hooked on my Shield and Lift buffs… way back when.

I took Felix’s suggestion to write all that down, and whatever else I might have been feeling. It definitely helped me sort out my thoughts. It didn’t feel good. At all. In fact, it was hard to fight the idea that I was a lost cause, and that even before all this, I was not worth saving. But I pushed on regardless, because it felt like the only direction to move in.

As difficult as it had been, listing all that earned me Step 4, and after I recounted it all to the counselling group, I had Step 5, Integrity, under my belt.

Even though it was hard, I was doing well in the program. I really was, all things considered. I had made it farther than I thought possible at the beginning. But like I said… those stitches come loose sometimes. Recovery, like my grieving process, has not been linear. And after Step 5, some part of me felt stretched too far. Like my code once more remembered that I’m not the sort to lay myself open for others to see. Too many sprites had been given deeply personal pieces of my mind to take home with them. It was unnatural. It wasn’t right. It was not like me. I couldn’t piece together this new life with the life I knew before and have it make sense. I was trying to make meaningful changes, for sure, but suddenly, I felt like I didn’t recognize the sprite I’d become. I didn’t recognize my game or anyone in it. It was… eerie.

It put a panicked, defensive fight in me. I had to set things straight. I would not allow this strange, foreign life to continue until I did. So, for the first time in… longer than I had realized, I went back to my den in the woods. Just to be somewhere familiar and see if I could remember who I was.

It helped a little at first. I dug through all the junk I had amassed, each one connecting to some small memory from before this all happened. But then I found three things that were… a dangerous combo.

Your scarf and goggles… and the bottle of blue wine Tapper had given me at the memorial. Still unopened.

I was able to resist the wine. But I… didn’t exactly get rid of it, like I should have.

As for your old, burnt belongings...

I didn’t understand what I was doing at the time, or why. I get it now, I think. Writing my thoughts down had helped in Step 4, and my head was a twisted, tangled mess that I just had to sort out before I went insane. I needed to understand what I’d been through and how I got there. It’s just that I was only inspired to start writing once I saw your scarf and goggles again. Once they threw that angry, vicious anxiety through me and I was possessed by the overwhelming need to reach you from beyond the grave and tell you just what you had done to me.

So… I started writing this story. Or these letters, or... journals. You know.

Since then it’s been… well, incredibly therapeutic. And, just like I thought they would, the folks at counselling said that journaling is a very healthy coping mechanism. That’s what I called it, too. Journaling. I wanted to keep the fact that I was writing to you private. I was already revealing so much to them. I wanted to have just one thing I didn’t have to tell them.

I didn’t think it would have made a difference, anyway, and it didn’t. Not at first. I finished Step 6 just fine, which was Willingness. I was pretty willing to let go of my old bad habits in whatever way I could. Step 7 was harder for a few reasons, not the least of which being that my higher power is not sentient, and I could therefore not ask it for forgiveness, or to remove my character flaws. But I sort of earned Humility in a different way.

You see, I didn’t tell them I was writing to you, but I also... didn’t tell them about the wine. 

And thoughts of you had not mixed well with the temptation of substances in the past. So, around Christmas, I holed up in my den and… relapsed. It was nothing big, as far as relapses go. But I’m still not proud of it. 

I just wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be. My first Christmas without you.

Anyway… don’t worry. That didn’t put too big a snag in things. I told Felix, and I told everyone in counselling about it, and they all understood. A couple others actually had similar challenges. Many of us had someone to miss, and it was a hard time of year to miss somebody. I admitted to them that I sort of felt like I’d failed. But Clyde remarked that I showed humility by so willingly turning to the group for support, which had been hard for me at the start. I very easily could have tried to hide out of shame or a need to shoulder it alone. Maybe I couldn’t ask color for forgiveness, but in a way, I asked the group for it. 

I still sort of don’t understand it. But, hey. Whatever the ghost says.

In any case, I was able to let the mistake go and move forward, which… felt very freeing, now that I think of it. Since then, I’ve been counting the days I’ve spent completely sober, slowly racking them up like the most boring, most difficult sort of high score.

It’ll be forty today.

I’m forty days sober, and I just finished Step 9 a couple days ago. So… I guess I’m doing pretty well.

I’ve been writing a while, and this pen is nearly out of ink, but before I wrap this entry up, I really ought to tell you about Step 9, and what it brought about.

Step 8, for the record, is barely worth mentioning. It’s Love, which, y’know, gross. But it’s basically making a list of the sprites you’ve wronged, which I felt like I had done three times already. Step 9, then, Responsibility, is making amends with those sprites wherever possible.

I’m already well on my way with Felix. Tapper, well… I’ve done the best I can for now. I don’t even know who the sprite I threatened was, so there’s little I can do there. And you… are kind of hard to reach lately. So, the only possible option left was...

Wreck-it.

I’d known for quite some time that we were overdue for a chat. We hadn’t really talked at all since I’d come out of that coma, which meant we had been surviving on brief, awkward greetings and the smallest of small talk for a couple of months. We were not on bad terms, nor good terms. We just sort of existed in the same space, trying our best to just tolerate each other and to ignore the elephant in the room. And before all this, I would have been content to leave things that way forever if it meant I wouldn’t have to talk to him about our feelings.

I only managed to speak to him once the 12 Step Program gave me any idea of what to say, and the desire for things to stop being weird outweighed the awkwardness.

I caught him shortly after the arcade closed the other night, just as he was about to board the train to leave our game. Caught him quite off-guard too, apparently, given the way he jumped and tried to smooth his little yelp into a casual speaking voice.

Like this: “Ahh--!! Ahh! Ahh, Mavis, I, uh, didn’t see you there.”

Making someone jump always brings at least a bit of a smile to my face. “Hey there, uh… Ralph.”

The use of his name rather than his title already earned me a confused eyebrow quirk, but I saw it as setting the mood for the uncharacteristically intimate conversation we were about to have. It seemed effective, given how still he became, almost holding his breath in a nervous sort of curiosity.

“You, uh… going to Tapper’s?” I asked, trying to get him to relax a bit.

“Yep…” he said, rapping his fist against his leg slightly, like he does. “Do you… wanna come too, or..?”

I pressed my lips together, not quite smiling. “Nah. Still can’t go anywhere.”

“Oh-- oh-- yeah, of course. Wow. Stupid question,” he sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “That, uh, counselling thing still goin’ on, then? Or am I not allowed to ask?”

“It is,” I shrugged, shoving my hands in my pockets. “And… you are allowed. It’s actually more or less what I need to talk to you about.”

“...Really?” he asked cautiously. “Me? Why?”

I closed my eyes and let out a steady breath, sorting my thoughts for the hundredth time. “We probably should’ve talked sooner, it’s just that…” I opened my eyes and looked at him. “Well, I’ll say it outright. I’m supposed to talk to everyone I’ve wronged. And that includes you.”

He paused. Then he squinted. “Everyone?”

“Well,” I said flatly. “No. Just the ones I’ve done the dirtiest. The big deals.”

“And I really made that list for you? Me?”

I sighed with a slow blink, and cut to the chase. “Ralph, I heard everything you said to me when I was in that coma. Everything.”

“Oh,” he said, shifting his weight awkwardly, until the memory visibly returned to him and he stood rigid. “...Oh.”

“Yeah. Do you…” I struggled to maintain eye contact, “Do you… I mean, do you still actually blame yourself for anything that happened to me… after that night at Tapper’s?”

“Pfft,” he huffed, smiling joylessly. “C’mon. Ew. Did I say that?”

I stared.

He quickly gave in, folding his arms with a sigh. “...No. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad about it. I wanted to help you. I did. I never would have dragged you out there if I’d known you’d… Well. Whatever. Bad Guys aren’t meant to help anybody. Lesson learned, yet again.”

“Yeah… sure. Except the thing is, you, uh… did help,” I said, and saw him perk up the tiniest bit. “You let me stay with you. Even though I was a thankless, entitled pain in the neck. You kept me company just because I didn’t want to be alone. I know you n’ I aren’t exactly bosom pals, and I know you’re a Bad Guy, but… I guess that just makes it even more of a damn decent thing to do.”

He seemed surprised by my words, even a bit shaken by them in some way, but still, his gaze fell away from me a bit. Seemed like he was no better at accepting genuine praise than I am.

Pushing on, I said, “And if you feel guilty right now because you actually wanted to cave in my skull the whole time, then, don’t. I’d have wanted to throw my ass to the curb, too, if I were you. I don’t blame you for pushing me out. I did at first, but I don’t anymore. I was already primed to spiral, Ralph. I was headed for rock bottom one way or another. Don’t blame yourself for what I did. That’s my fault, not yours.”

He looked at me again, a quiet sort of disbelief in his eyes, which was good, because I needed to look him in the eye for what I was about to say.

“Ralph, I’m sorry.”

At that, he seemed… put on the spot, almost. Like he had no idea how to react. He took a moment to think and to breathe, like everything had to sink in. I knew that he would be surprised, so I didn’t really react. I had gotten all of my weird, emotional words out. The hard part was over.

I watched him begin to scrutinize me, like there was some hidden trick behind my back. He even slowly walked in a circle around me, trying to figure me out. He found nothing, and I offered nothing.

“So…” he said, squinting at me sidelong, “you’re sayin’... you’re sorry. You. You, Make- it Mavis, high queen of the gremlins, are sorry.”

I knew he would do that. Make a huge, obnoxious deal out of it. “Yes,” I said plainly.

“For everything?”

“Yes,” I repeated, with just a twinge of annoyance.

“Everything.”

“Yes.”

Then he pointed at me, as if firing off his question quick-draw style: “Even for calling me a trash gorilla?”

“Hell no,” I recoiled a bit. “I’m a recovering addict, not a kiss-ass.”

That was the first time I saw him almost relieved that I’d sort of insulted him. He straightened up and folded his arms, the tension in his body visibly relaxing as he sized me up. He nodded the slightest bit. “Yeah, I know,” he said, “that was just a test to see if you’d actually lost your mind.”

“Oh, so this is the point where you question my sanity. Nothing in the past couple months has been all that unusual, then,” I said, sort of smirking.

“Nah,” he reluctantly mirrored my smile. “Home intrusion, explosions, tryin’ to conk Gene over the head with a wooden club -- all standard Mavis fare.”

That earned a snicker from me. “Don’t think he’s escaped my clutches just yet.”

“Yeah, in his dreams.”

A silence set in at that point. Both of our smiles slowly began to fade as the silence grew from content to awkward once again. I wasn’t sure what else to say, but Ralph looked like he was working on something, so I waited.

“So,” he eventually said, his tone more sober, “you… really mean all that, huh. What you said about… Y’know. That you’re sorry.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I do,” I said quietly.

“Wow,” he almost chuckled, and gave me a sort of smile that I’d otherwise never seen on his face. “Counselling’s sure done a number on you, huh?"

"Well," I shifted my weight, unsure how to respond. It was a strange truth, and it was even stranger hearing it from him. "That's the idea, anyway."

Ralph seemed pleasantly surprised by the whole encounter, but it was just about over. Some small part of him must have wanted to draw it out even longer, a sentiment that I'm sure came as puzzling to him.

Scratching his chest a bit, he said, "Yeah, well… maybe once you're free again, and if you're up for it, we could go for drinks at Tapper's again. Just rag on Gene like the old days. Or Felix, even. I'm sure he's drivin' you up the wall lately with all the fussing."

I clicked my tongue. "Not… for drinks, no. As amazingly depressing as it is to say, I don't drink anymore."

"Really?" He asked, just before lightly smacking himself in the head. "D'oh, of course you don't. Wow. Sorry. I don't know where my head's at today."

"S'okay," I shrugged. "But there's more than just drinks at Tapper's. We can still go. I'll just have snacks or something. Maybe some actual, real pretzels, unlike last time."

He tilted his head. "Last time…?"

Opting to not recount the embarrassing tale of my snack hallucinations from my last visit, I waved it off. "Nevermind. Anyway, this is all making the very big assumption that Tapper will even let me through the doors. Y'know… after everything."

Ralph frowned. "You miss him, huh."

My gaze fell to his feet. "Yeah," I muttered.

"Well, I'm just on my way to see him now," Ralph said, finally turning around to slowly squeeze himself into an undersized train car. "I'll let him know."

Just the thought of any sentiment of mine reaching Tapper sort of sprung a leak in my heart, and before I could think, I was talking, my voice trembling the tiniest bit.

"If-- If you're talking to him anyway," I said, stepping forward almost as if I would follow him, "could you tell him something more?"

Ralph seemed a little surprised by my emotion, but he nodded anyway. "Sure. What is it?"

"Tell him I'm-- I'm…" I sighed, and my shoulders fell heavy. "I'm... sorry. I was probably the worst to him, out of everyone. And I know I can't take any of that back. And if he never wants to see me again… I can accept that. But there's just one thing I really need him to know."

I swallowed. "He's the reason I even agreed to counselling in the first place."

"Really?" Ralph asked quietly.

I nodded, not quite looking his way, focusing all my energy on keeping it together. "Yeah. He… urged me to get help, and when I didn't, I… nearly got his game unplugged. I'm putting in the work now. I'm getting help. I'm getting clean, just like he said. I'm thirty-eight days sober. And it all started because I just… had to make it right. Doing right by him is what's kept me going through a lot of this."

I took a moment to breathe and rein in my unruly emotions, trying to consider just how much I really wanted to share with Ralph. I'm working on being vulnerable, but I've found that I can't rush it. Plus, I'm sure Ralph felt a little awkward on the receiving end. He just watched me, unsure of what to say, but a quiet sympathy still showed in his eyes.

"Just…" I cleared my throat, "just tell him I'm sorry… and thank him for me. Please."

He offered me a half-smile and a soft nod. "Okay. You got it."

At that point, the dinky little cord train began to slowly pull out of our tiny station, sort of squeaking with the effort of bearing Ralph's weight. I watched him go, feeling that hot embarrassment that follows a particularly personal share. The thought that Ralph was probably happy to see me being good to Tapper for once was both comforting and… kind of annoying.

After the train had moved a short distance away, I just about turned to leave, but Ralph's voice caught my attention.

"Oh, and Mavis?"

I looked to see him twisting awkwardly in his seat, calling back to me.

"...Thanks."

That just made my face feel a little bit hotter, but I gave a small smile and flicked a casual salute his way. "Don't mention it," I called back, and waited until the train disappeared into the dark mouth of the tunnel before adding quietly, "...ever."

After that, for the first little while, my evening carried on just about the same as ever. I wound up in Felix's apartment for the usual tea and chats. I played my guitar for a while, and Felix listened happily until the tea was all brewed, and we sat on the couch while he told me about his day. I talked a bit too, but I didn't tell him about my conversation with Ralph. I wanted some light chatter about nothing in particular, a break from the heavy topics that run so rampant for me lately. I even wanted a bit of tea. I still maintain that chamomile tastes like soap, but peppermint is actually pretty good with a hefty scoop of sugar.

It was a couple hours into our visit that the most unusual, most… amazing thing happened.

I had given in to the primal need to lie flat on the floor as I often do, and Felix was sitting at the table polishing his medals when we heard footsteps in the hall. Huge, heavy, thumping footsteps. We glanced at each other for just a minute before we both nearly leapt out of our pixels from the front door being knocked off its hinges.

Through the open, splintered door frame, there stood Ralph, eyes wide. Instantly, his face filled with apologetic embarrassment.

"Woops," he chuckled nervously. "Sorry."

I sat up, and Felix walked over to the door with a bit of an exasperated sigh. "That's alright, Ralph," he assured, easily repairing the door with his hammer and holding it open anyway. "It's polite of you to knock."

My heart began to settle from the frightful shock it suffered, but I was sort of wary to see Ralph again so soon after our last conversation. I didn't know what more he could want, but I didn't feel the emotional energy to deal with whatever it was. I stood and walked over to the door to meet him. He had to twist down a bit to see through the doorway, and his awkward stance was punctuated with a nervous grin.

"Hey-- Hey Mavis," he said.

"Ralph," I grit my teeth just a bit, more from discomfort than anger. I let my eyes dart to Felix just a bit, hoping to signal to Ralph that now was not the time. "...Hi. What… what's up?"

"Uh, well…" he sucked his teeth, "could you step out here for a sec?"

"Why?"

"So I don't have to stand like this."

That was fair. I obliged, and nodded to Felix to give us some privacy. After he closed the door, I immediately whispered to Ralph, "Okay, now what's so urgent?"

Even though he didn't have to bend over anymore, Ralph still had to bow his head to fit under the relatively low ceiling. He put out his hands just a bit to urge me to be calm.

"Look, I'm not here to bug you," he said, and lowered his voice when I shushed him. "I'm just here to make a delivery."

I squinted at him sidelong. "Of what?"

"Well, a message, for one," he shrugged, smiling a little bit. "I talked to Tapper for you, like you asked. And he wanted me to tell you something."

I straightened up, and my heart sort of skipped a beat. "...Oh. What did he say?"

"A couple things. He's, uh… well, he's real happy to hear you're getting help. He wants to congratulate you for that. You've got his full support, he said. It meant a lot to hear that you've been doing well, because you've been on his mind. He thinks about you all the time."

I didn't know what to say or how to react. It was a lot to take in. I had sort of made my peace with him hating me after everything I did, so to hear that he still cared about me was… a relief so acute that it sort of broke my heart. 

I barely had time to process it all before Ralph revealed the true hard-hitter.

"In fact, uh," he said, "he'd been thinking of you so much that he… made something for you. He told me to give it to you right away, because… I dunno, he said you seemed ready for it."

Then he reached into the chest of his overalls and pulled out a square picture frame. I was confused at first, but once he handed it to me and I saw what it was, my heart stopped.

Inside the frame were napkins from his bar. Four of them, arranged in a neat square. And on those napkins were… drawings. Two of them were clear, loving depictions of you that I didn't even remember drawing. And on the other two were doodles that you and I had done together. Unflattering, playful caricatures of each other. Our drawing styles could not have been more different -- mine being fluid and organic and yours being clean-cut contour line drawings, but somehow, they worked so well together. The fragile paper was slightly ripped in places from the pens we used, and there were small sections where the ink bled from mug-shaped rings of moisture. All in all, it was a chaotic, dirty mess.

It was us. 

It was us at our very happiest moments, just goofing off together, adoring each other without ever needing to say it.

It was the most beautiful gift I'd ever received.

Struck silent by a wall of emotion, I just held it and stared at it in utter disbelief. The fact that Tapper would have cared enough to save such simple things was more than I could comprehend. The drawings could have been years old by then, but still…

It wasn't until my tears fell and splashed against the frame that I even realized I'd been crying.

"Oh," Ralph whispered, a bit of panic in his voice. "Mavis. Crying. Uh-- I'm-- I'm sorry. I didn't want you to-- I'm--"

His hands hovered around me hesitantly, completely lost as to how to comfort me. But he didn't have to decide. I felt an urge and followed it immediately.

I just reached out and took one of his huge, square fingers in my hand, even though his heavy code burned a bit to touch. He froze, rightfully taken aback. I didn't explain. I just stepped a bit closer so that he would not have to reach out to me quite so far, hugged the frame to my chest with my other arm, and bowed my head while I wept silently. Ralph said nothing, but I felt his arm relax a bit once he accepted the situation.

Eventually, I pushed a few quivering words out. "Thank you," I muttered. I looked the gift over once again. "I… I can't believe this."

"So you like it?" he asked quietly.

I could only nod.

"I'll pass that on to Tapper, then," he sighed, but I could hear a smile in his voice. "Gee, I'm just a nine-foot-tall messenger boy, aren't I?"

"Thank-- thank you," I choked out again.

"Nah… it's nothin'," he shrugged.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the gift in my hand. It was so perfect. It felt like everything I needed. Like it was the one thing that was missing in my road to recovery. That feeling in itself stood out to me, and I followed it through my mind. Apart from all the staggering sentimental value, there was something about Tapper's gesture that felt so empathetic, so validating, like he was acknowledging that I lost something wonderful, something worth mourning. It was the first thing anyone had given me, or the first thing anyone made at all, that honored your memory.

Then it hit me. The thing that was missing. The thing I would absolutely need if I had any hope of moving on.

I let go of Ralph's hand and burst through the door of Felix's apartment. He had gone back to polishing his medals, but he quite nearly dropped one when he saw the tears on my face.

"Mavy? What--"

I interrupted him, trying to keep up with my rush of clarity. "Felix," I said urgently, "I need your help. There's something I need from you. I know what I need."

He stood, approaching me with concern in his eyes.

"I need a funeral for Turbo," I said firmly. "A real one. It doesn't have to be big. In fact, it'll probably be just the three of us," I glanced back at Ralph, who was bending down once again, "but that'll be fine. It just needs to happen. Please."

I looked at Felix again, and his eyes were full of understanding, sympathy, and love.

"Then we'll do it," he said gently.

"Yeah," I heard Ralph say. "Count me in."

I choked out a single, grateful laugh. "Thank you."

We began planning right away.

It's happening tomorrow.

[gay-salt-amber]

What happened to Kenma?

( ships: Kuroken, Kenhina, sugawara x daichi and others on the side)

Kenma stood there, eyes wide as Kuroo continued to yell, "You know what?! If you hate it so much here, just fucking leave!"

"I never said that!" Kenma retorted, holding back tears

"Well it sure sounded like you did!"

"All I want is you to pay attention to me once in a while.."

"I do that all the time! I do it during practice, the walk ho-"

"Yeah, you do that when other people are around.. You rarely do it when we're alone anymore..." The pudding haired teen hissed back

"Well I'm sorry if I have work to do Kenma!"

"What work?! The only work we had was a group project that we both FINISHED A WEEK AGO!" I yelled

Then without saying another word, a hand hit my cheek, hard.

Kenma stood there silent, sighed and walked to his room, to get away from me instead of trying to fix things. I marched back up to my room, booting up my Switch, plugging my earbuds in and tried to space out. But even the soft music of my Animal Crossing Island couldn't calm me down. I finished my daily Animal Crossing tasks and turned off the Nintendo Switch with a sigh. I stood up, walked over to its charging port and put in back into the port before flopping onto my bed and screaming into my pillow.

I wanted to vent, I wanted to scream to someone, I needed to open up. But I can't do that.. They'll just turn me away.. I let out a sigh and checked my phone, looking through the group chat I shared with Karasuno, they added me since Hinata wanted me to chat with others. Even Sugawara, their substitute setter considered me his son, showing me the same parental love he showed Hinata all the time. I started talking in the chat but I could tell they knew something was off.

--------------Karasuno GC--------------

(name key: Sugamama: Sugawara Noya: Nishinoya Gaymer: Kenma Saltyshima: Tsukishima Milk Man: Kageyama Tangerine: Hinata God: Asahi Simp: Tanaka Dachi: Dad)

Sugamama: Are you doing ok Kenma? You're never this quiet..

Noya: Yeah dude what's wrong?

Gaymer: Ah.. I'm fine, just a lot on my mind

Saltyshima: Damn our little gamer must have lost at a boss or something

Milk man: I doubt he would be like this if that was the case.

Tangerine: Yeah! Kenma please tell us what's wrong!

--------------Real life--------------

Should I tell them? I should probably tell Sugawara or Daichi I feel like they would know best what to do.. Yeah, but how do I go about that? Thoughts then whirled around in my head, maybe I can go stay at their house for a bit. I mean, I cant stay here, I wouldn't really feel safe, no happy... Wait why don't I just stay with Shoyo?...Right he already has his sister to watch, I don't wanna bother him more.

I stood up, snuck downstairs, looking for Kuroo, luckily he wasn't in the living room, he was in his room. I quietly opened the storage closet and got out a few bags, I also covered the hand mark with makeup while I was at it, after a few minutes of applying foundation and such, I tried to go as fast as I could back up the stairs without arousing suspicion. I made it to the door, winded from walking so fast. I quickly stuffed about 5 sets of clothes in one bag and my game stuff, like my laptop and Switch stuff into the other. I have other consoles and games but my laptop and Switch have the most on them. I grabbed my phone, charger and earbuds, called an Uber.

I waited outside with my hood up so if Kuroo looked out he wouldn't recognize it was me. About 5 minutes later I spotted the Uber, I check my messages with a driver by the name of Josh to confirm it. Low and behold I was right. I grabbed my stuff and got into the car, gave them Sugawara's address and we drove for about 20 minutes in silence. I sat listening for the same playlist on loop, it was a playlist Hinata made for me, I loved it so much. Then as soon as I got into the car, it seemed, the drivers voice echoed on the leather interior of the car.

"Hey, this your stop, kid?"

"Y-yeah, thank you.." I nodded, handed him money and got out of the car, he drove off, leaving me nervous to ask for help from my practically adopted family I took my earbuds out, looped them around my phone, sighed and walked to the door

--Sugawara pov--

"So, what are we doing for dinner, Daichi?"

"Uh, how about we get take out from that Chinese place you love?"

"We had that last week though.."

"Do you still want it, Suga?"

"I guess so, I mean yeah, I do love their food."

"Well If you want it, I'll order some."

"Alright thank you!"

I plopped myself down on the couch with a good book, it was titled The Shadow of the Phoenix. Its a sci-fi story about a bunch of secret agent kids. Its quite the entertaining and tear-jerking read.

Then I heard a knock at the door, "Daichi? Was the Chinese food meant to get here that quick?" "Uhh, I don't think so.."

I sat my book down stood up and walked to the door, to see a cold, red-cheeked Kozume Kenma.

"Kiddo? What are you doing here?"

"Uh.. I'll explain, can I come inside though..?" He looked sad and his voice was even quieter the usual

"Oh of course! I don't want my son freezing!" I grabbed his arm lightly, walked him into the living room and got him settled on the couch. I got a few blankets for him and let him get relaxed before asking anything, pressuring the Nekoma boy who already had anxiety and stress issues who I cared so deeply about is the last thing I want!

"Hey Daichi?"

"Yes?" Daichi walked into the room, seeing Kenma on the couch

"Why are you here kiddo?"

"..."

My face softened more and I gave him a smile, "Tell us whenever you're ready ok? You like Chinese food right? We can order you some! if eating will help."

Kenma's face finally rose from the blankets "Yeah, that sounds nice, thank you a lot mom." The pudding haired kid gave me a light smile

"Alright, I'll go and get the food, if anything happens while I'm gone, call me ok?" Daichi's words were directed to both of us obviously but he was clearly meaning Kenma more then me.

"OK, don't take too long ok?"

"I know, see you later Suga." He planted a kiss on my forehead and was out.

"Can I have a thing of water please?"

"Of course sweetie!" I got up, got him a glass of ice water, I remembered he liked to chew ice sometimes so I got him some more slushy like ice so he doesn't break his teeth. I then spotted that we have some Ritz Crackers so I got a small napkin full of those for him just incase he wants them. I walked back into the room and sat next to Kenma, handing him the water.

"....I am ready to tell you why I'm here.." Kenma whispered, taking a sip of the water, crunching on the ice that came with it.

"Go ahead kiddo, you can stop if you get overwhelmed ok? I am right here, remember that."

"Thank you, Suga." He let out a deep breath before continuing,

"Well.. Me and Kuroo were arguing, which happens.. More then I care to admit." That set a red flag off in my head right away but I kept listening.

"And he hasn't been his usual affectionate self, so I brought it up and he got defensive, saying that he has work to do and he already shows me enough affection." The boys voice grew shaky but he pulled through and continued,

"I pointed out that the last time he showed me affection was about 6 hours earlier when we were at practice.. So.. I think he may just be showing me attention around other people now and I don't know how to feel."

I reached forward and hugged the small anxious setter, "The fact that you even think that is a problem." I whispered, not wanting to speak loud and make the situation worse,

"Really? I thought I may have been over-reacting.." Those words made my heart want to sink like an anchor

"Kenma, kiddo, for as long as I've known you, you never over react, you are rational and think things through. So I don't think you were wrong for coming here, nor wrong for thinking that Kenma was doing it for attention."

Through tears, Kenma, almost silently, "... Thank you mom.."

"Its no problem kiddo." I ran my fingers through his hair, this type of thing helped Hinata and the other first years calm down and it seems that Kenma isn't any different.

"I'm sorry if I cause you trouble but.. Can I stay here for a while? I'm just not very comfortable going back to Kenma's place."

"Of course, you can stay forever if you really wish, I will let you stay here as long as you need."

Kenma then pulled away from my hug and sat up taking another drink and munching on the crackers. Spending the next minutes in peaceful, relaxing silence.

--Kenma pov--

Eventually Daichi came through the door with bags of food, "Welcome back!"

"Hey.." I greeted quietly.

Daichi sat the food on the kitchen counter and came back to the living room, "Are you holding up better, Kenma?"

"A little, I guess."

"That's good."

I stood up and went to the kitchen, "Kenma! The one in the middles yours by the way!" Daichi called from the other room.

I curiously opened up the middle bag, 'How'd he know what to get me...' I thought I looked into the bag and saw that inside was a thing of fried rice, sweet and sour chicken and egg rolls. I smiled as I got myself a plate. A few seconds later, Daichi and Suga came in.

"Uh.. Kenma..?" Daichi's voice sounded astonished

"Yeah, Is something the matter? Did I do something?"

"No. But, why is there a hand print looking mark on your cheek..?"

Sugas face went from nice to murderous in 1 second, "Was it Kuroo?" He asked, more seriously then I had ever heard.

"Mhm.. It was."

"We will get that patched up after dinner ok?" Suga said, snapping back into mama-Suga mode.

"Ok, thank you."

I got my food and went back to the couch and ate quickly, this was more then I've ate in a while. Which isn't Kuroos fault at least I don't think.. I just don't eat much since I get fat easy even though Shoyo says I don't. But to say I was in food heaven was a understatement. I drank the rest of my water, fishing the rest of the ice out with my finger, I stood up, took my dishes to the sink, washed them and put them away.

"Thanks Kenma, you didn't have to do that though." Sugas voice rang out through the large kitchen as he walked up and put his dish in the sink to was later. Daichi came into the room and handed Suga a few medical items,

"Lets fix that mark eh?"

"Yes, thanks." After a while of silence, bandaging and such Suga spoke again

"Anyway, I should probably show you to the guest room, yeah?"

I nodded and walked to the living room to grab my stuff and got shown to the guest room, it was rather nice, it had a door that led to its own bathroom, a good sized closet and a desk. The bed itself looks like I could just flop right down.

"Remember that time I asked what type of blankets and that type of stuff you liked?"

"Yes, why?"

He pointed to some bedsheets and pillows under the nightstand "I got some of that for you, I knew you would stay here eventually so I wanted to make you the most comfortable."

The stack even had a nice little plush on top and the sheets looked amazingly comfy.

"Thank you, you really didn't have to do this all for me.."

"Nonsense! You're my child of course I did. I do the same thing for all my kiddos."

My head titled to the side confused, "Really?"

"Yeah Tsuki and Yamaguchi have their own room here too since their parents aren't great and they need somewhere to stay, Also Hinata shares this room with you when ever he's here."

"That's good."

'It amazes me how far he would go for someone like me.'

"Thank you, again, really, I am grateful that you would do this for me."

"No problem kid." Suga gave me a final hug and wished me a good night.

As he left I got my bed made, my Switch and my phone plugged in and got everything set up like I wanted, I sat looking at my phone and talking to Shoyo

---Texts---

Kenma: Sunflower Hinata: My little orange

My little orange: So, you're staying at Sugawara's and Daichi's?"

Sunflower: Mhm, they are really nice.

My little orange: That's good! Hey how about us and the rest of the team get together for lunch tomorrow? You know get your mind off of Kuroo.

Sunflower: Where at?

My little orange: How about Lonesome Dove Café? I can talk to mom about getting a large table booked

Sunflower: That sounds nice, sure."

My little orange: Ok! Lets get into the group chat and tell the others.

Sunflower: I love you Shoyo

My little orange: I love you too!

--------------Karasuno GC--------------

Tangerine: Hey guys!

Saltyshima: Why the fuck are you up at 2 AM

Yams: Tsuki relax! It might be serious!

Milk man: What is it boke?

Tangerine: Well, I'll have Kenma explain.

Sugamama: Is this about today?

Dad: I would assume it is

God: I wonder what happened

Simp: Yeah, I'm not sure.

Gaymer: Well, me and Kuroo got into a bad fight so I am staying at Suga and Daichi's place

Yams: Oh! What happened?!

Gaymer: I told him that I didn't like how he wasn't giving me attention and he yelled at me and slapped me.

Milk Man: Oh shit, do you want us to do anything?

Tangerine: Well, we were wondering if we can go to lunch at the Lonesome Dove Café tomorrow for lunch

Saltyshima: Cant make it-

Yams: Yeah me and Tsuki are going!

Milk man: Yeah I'll go

Everyone else: Same here!

Sugamama: I'll book the table! Its for 17 right?

God: I would assume so

Dad: We'll book it!

Tangerine: Also, Kenma are we still on for coffee?

Kenma: Yeah, are Yams, Kags and Tsuki still coming?

Milk Man: Yeah

Saltyshima: I guess

Yams: Ofc! Why wouldn't we be?

Dad: Ok, you guys get sleep.

Sugamama: Yeah, have a good night but if anything comes up, don't hesitate to call me or Daichi

Everyone: Night everyone!

--------------Real life--------------

I sighed happily wishing Shoyo a good night in our own private messages. I turned off my phone and turned to lay on my back on the bed and fell into a nice peaceful sleep. Instead of nightmares chasing me around my head, it was just me and Shoyo being friends and enjoying a nice day. It was a dream I never wished to end but alas, it sadly ended but it ended with Shoyo walking me home, seeing me off then I awoke.

I sat up, the alarm read: 6:00 I'm going to get coffee in a bit so I threw on a hoodie and gray sweatpants, and put on a choker with a cat on it, I also put on a little necklace Shoyo got me. I sighed, blushing at the thought of Shoyo.. Being in his arms, him running his fingers through my hair, wearing his hoodie... What am I thinking he doesn't like me like that.. But I can still dream no? I walked out the door to be greeted by Suga and Daichi

"Morning Kenma! Did you sleep well?" Daichi called from the couch

"Yeah, I haven't slept that well in a while." I said, happily

Suga stood up to go refill his coffee and turned to me with a smile, "Good! I'm glad to hear that, did I get the right blankets and such for you?"

I nodded, "Mhm."

"So you're going out with the others?"

"Yes, we do everyday when we have time." I explained

"Good! It's nice that you're socializing more." Daichi let out a happy chuckle before checking his phone.

"Yeah, I'll be back for lunch though, we're heading out at 12:45, right?"

"Yes we are, have fun Kenma." Suga waved as I put my shoes and left the house

It didn't take long for me to spot the Karasuno students coming down the street to come pick me up, while the others casually walked Hinata ran up, gave me a hug, said hi and waited for the others.

"Slow down boke!" Kageyama yelled

"Yeah we cant all run like we're on drugs." Tsuki commented

Yamaguchi chuckled, "I don't mind it, at least they let us catch up."

We all laughed as everyone caught up. We kept walking to the square where the coffee shop, after walking for a bit, with still about a 15 minute walk left to go, Shoyo, the orange haired, adorable first year, brushed his hand against mine, showing that he wanted to hold hands. I blushed but I slowly grabbed holding it lightly but securely.

"Hey lovebirds! Hurry it up!" Tsuki yelled from up ahead, from which I could see his green haired freckled faced boyfriend flick him lightly on the cheek to get him to stop being annoying for 5 minutes.

We caught up quickly and we were all just on our phones, sending stuff to each other and just talking about shit in the news,

"Holy crap you guys need to see this!"

"What is it?" I asked looking over at Yamaguchi's phone

"Apparently news is spreading about Hinata and Kenma being together even thought, you two haven't made it official, right?" He explained, everyone in the group shook their head and we just played off as dumb press and kept talking until we reached the square.

"Uh Kenma..?" Hinata whispered, which was unlike him

"Is something wrong?" Everyone else asked

Hinata pointed at a face I didn't wanna see..

Kuroo...

I didn't wanna see him.. What the hell would I say to him?! Like oh I'm sorry I left you because you're a piece of shit?

Tsukishima let out a groan, "Hey King."

Kageyama scoffed, "Don't fucking call me that."

The blonde ignored him though, "You wanted to have a word with Kuroo after yesterday right?"

The noirnette nodded

"Well, how about the rest of us get Kenma into the café and you have a talk with him so he doesn't question Kenma, since we don't want anything to happen." The words leaving the middle blockers mouth were rather sweet considering how he normally is.

"Sure, that's actually a good idea." Hinata agreed

"Thanks Tsuki~!" Yamaguchi gave a big smile and kissed the rim of Tsukishima's glasses before walking away, with the rest of us following.

We made it to the café scratch free minus the fact that we could hear Kageyama from a block away yelling at that fucking rooster. We quickly entered the café and got seated. I ordered a frappe, Shoyo got a Mocha Java coffee and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi got a Hawaii Kona coffee and a small cake to share. We were there sipping on our coffees when my phone started to blow up with calls and messages.

"Kuroos calling you, isn't he?" Shoyo asked, looking at my phone

I nodded, turning my sound off so it doesn't bother me

"You know when we go to lunch, if he's still calling you, you can just have Daichi deal with it! He's really good and handling calls like that." Yamaguchi was correct, I had seen Daichi help Shoyo a few times.

I nodded and continued to sip on my coffee. After another 5 minutes past, Kageyama came into the café with dirt smudging his face.

"Did our king get all rough and tough in the dirt with that rooster?" Tsukishima said, both teasing and asking

"Yeah, the guy wanted to fight yet, I kicked his ass. He's knocked out in the park at the moment." The raven haired boy sighed as he sat down

I looked over at Kageyama and nodded as a thanks. For the rest of the time we sat sipping on our drinks, Tsukishima was blushing wildly at the green haired boy offering him cake, Shoyo was still holding my hand and Kageyama was just telling the story of how he kicked Kuroos ass. We were having a good time and I was happy for the people around me, I checked my phone and spoke

"Hey its about 8:00 a clock, shouldn't we head back? We need to get ready for that lunch thing right?" I exclaimed to the rest of the booth

Everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone got up and threw away the drinks while Kageyama paid for everything which didn't happen often he just said, 'I have some money to spend.' or something. Although I highly doubt that's the real reason. We walked back and as we were walking we spotted Kuroos knocked out body, me and Tsukishima laughed a bit at it but kept walking.

"Thank you for everything today, guys." I said quietly as we were passing Yamaguchi and Tsukishima's houses, Yamaguchi gave Tsukishima a light peck on the lips before walking to his houses porch leaving a blushing tsundere Tsukishima on the sidewalk with the rest of us.

"Oh its not problem Kenma! Don't worry about it." Yamaguchi waved us a goodbye and entered his house with Tsukishima doing the same when we passed his house a block across from the his freckled lover.

Me and Hinata were the last ones to head home, with Kageyama walking to his place about 5 minutes later. Shoyo was being so sweet! Holding my hand, asking if everything was ok since yesterday, if I needed anything, if I had anything to wear for lunch or if I needed to borrow something of his.. He's amazing. Eventually we made it to Suga and Daichi's place, but Hinata seems rather hesitant to let me go.

"Is everything alright, Shoyo?" I asked, still holding his hands. Something in me could tell something was wrong, the normally loud energetic boy was suddenly shy and nervous like I was a lot of the time.

"Yeah I just wanted to do something before you went back inside.." His voice was no more then a whisper, which only raised my concern.

"What is it?" I asked

He didn't even say anything.. The orange haired boy just stared at me for a minute or two before planting a soft kiss on my cheek. My face burned up quickly, my pale cheeks looked as red as my jacket now, and all because of a soft delicate kiss by the boy I had crushed on for a while.

"I'll see you in a few hours, yes?" Shoyo said with a smile going from ear to ear, me following his example with a light smile.

"Mhm, I'll see you then Shoyo." My smile grew bigger with every second he stood there, with his hand holding my face, I felt so soft inside, it felt nicer then Kuroo's affection ever did... But I don't have to worry about him now, he's out of my life thankfully.

His hands slowly left my face and wished me a goodbye, I waved and walked to the front door of the house and entered, wanting to go play Animal Crossing and scream into my pillow out of gay panic.

Daichi was sitting on that couch snickering with Suga, "What's happening?" I asked

"Sooo you and Hinata hm?" Daichi chuckled, acting like a parent when their child gets a significant other, which at this point he and Sugawara might as well be.

"I guess, I don't know if we're dating or not.." I muttered, my cheeks and ears getting warm again.

"Well, do you want to date him?" Sugas tone light and curious

"I mean yes, he's the best person in my life right now." I explained, my brain however didn't follow my words, with my mind thinking about everything that happened until now. I was asking myself, 'Is he a friend? Does he like me or is he just being nice?'

"If you wanna date him go ahead, nobody's stopping you." Daichi said, being the supportive father figure he is.

"Thank you.." I whispered. I then walked over to the living area, taking a seat on a beanbag chair that I am not sure why they have.

"So who's driving us to the restaurant?" I asked

"Oh I can, my van cat fit all of you easily!" Suga-mama said with a grin as he got up to put a book back on the shelf

"Didn't you get that van SPECIFICALLY for stuff like this?" Daichi pointed out

"I mean yeah..." Sugas tone was one of embarrassment but also a little bit of pride in his voice.

After a while of talking, I went back to my room and just sat on the bed and relaxing on my Animal Crossing town, getting fruit, shells, flowers and making money to make this island look its best. While I was farming for sea creatures since those make me a good chunk of cash, my phone buzzed from the night stand. It was Kuroo, asking for me to come back home. A groan arose from my throat. I didn't bother replying and instead decided to follow Yams advice about giving Suga-mama or Daichi my phone at lunch later. I muted his number, not blocking it but I wont get the notifications for the messages. A smile grew on my face as I went back to enjoying the soft music of my animal crossing town that me and my sweet tangerine helped make together with one part of the island being his to design and the other was mine to design, and it worked really, really well!

After about 2 hours, I heard a knock on the door, Sugawara's voice could be heard from the other side, "Hey kiddo! We are gonna leave in a bout 13 minutes, get yourself ready, ok?"

I shouted an 'alright!' Back to him, saved my game, put the Switch back into its port and got out some clothes. While I never considered myself good with clothes and picking them out for events, Shoyo and the others often said my outfits were really good, so I guess that's something. Nonetheless I grabbed a t-shirt, a jacket and some black pants with white stripes down the side. I went to the bathroom, took a quick shower just to get and mess from earlier off of me.

After I finished showering, I dried my hair and put on my clothes. Once I finished that I pulled my pudding colored hair back into a small half up/half down look then made my way downstairs to where Daichi and Sugawara were waiting.

"You ready to go Kenma?" Sugawara asked

I nodded and we headed out to the car, I chose the middle seat in the very back of the van so I could be away from people.

Daichi got into the front with Suga to basically be his navigator, "So who are we picking up first?" Hinata since he's closest?" Daichi nodded and started pointing silver haired boy in the driver seat to his house.

He wasn't very far away just like Suga said, only about 15 minutes away. But by the time we got there I was about half asleep already, then again that was all the time. When he got into the car his eyes batted, looking for me probably, when he spotted me he got into the back next to me, buckled in and started talking to me.

"You seem tired.." The orange haired boy said, pointing out the obvious.

I only nodded to his words, it seems that nod was enough for the sweet boy since he put his arm on my cheek and gently put my head on his shoulder, "Here, sleep till we get there, I'll wake you up once we're there."

I smiled and curled up to him, well to the best of my ability anyway, after all I was wearing a seatbelt which restricted it a bit but I was still comfy.

--Sugawara pov--

I was grinning ear from ear at the sight that I saw from my mirror as I was driving to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi's place, "That's so cuteeee!" I squealed, quietly though I didn't wanna wake them up.

We eventually made it to Tsuki and Yams street to see them waiting on a bench with Yams ranting about something while holding Tsuki's hand.

"Hey kiddos, get in! We need to go pick up Kageyama!" Daichi said loudly out the car window.

They quickly got in the seat row infront of Hinata and Kenma who were still fast asleep. Daichi then started to point me in the direction of Kageyama's place once everyone was buckled in and chatting normally.

--Hinata pov--

I sat as still as possible so I wouldn't wake up Kenma who I could swear I heard purring like a cat. It was so adorable and I could die happy with him right here on my shoulder. After we made it to all our stops, with our final one being Tanaka, the one and only simp himself. Once he got into the car he saw me and Kenma the only thing he had to saw was AWW really loud for Suga to bonk him on the head. But eventually we got there and by that time Kenma was already awake since we went over a bad pothole and the bump from that woke him

Once we got there Yams was also asleep but he's a deeper sleeper then Kenma is and we all know from a sleepover we had a month ago that only Tsuki can wake him.

"You guys head inside I'll wake this idiot up." Tsuki's tone must have tried to sound mean but with Yams head resting on him we could tell he wasn't doing a good job.

We went inside and we got our table that was in a separate room in the back of the café. When Tsuki got there with a blushing Yams we ordered our drinks and started talking. I saw Kenma's phone buzz inside his pocket and I had a feeling I knew who it was,

"Kuroos calling you, isn't he?" I asked quietly so nobody could hear

"Mhm, should I give it to Daichi?" I nodded at Kenma's question and saw him walk up to Daichi and ask if he could answer the phone for him.

I know he wanted Daichi to answer it but Sugawara is too much of a bear mom to let him and will probably answer it himself and that's going to be a show

--Sugawara's pov again--

"Oh, what do you need kiddo?"

"Kuroo is calling me and I don't wanna answer, could one of you take care of it for me?" He seemed shy to ask for such a simple thing, Daichi was about to answer it for him but granted I was arguably the most mad I wanted to.

"I'll step outside and answer this, Hinata, kiddo, come with me would you?"

"Oh, uh, sure!" Hinata instantly popped up, Kenma handed me the phone and we headed outside

"Hello Kenma?" Kuroo started

"Nope not Kenma, this is Sugawara, I want to have a word with you." I said trying to stay calm but my patience was already as thin as a piece of yarn. I ended up putting him on speaker so that Hinata will hear it and pip in if he wanted,

"Put him on the fucking phone this has nothing to do with you Karasuno shits, this is me and Kenma's business not yours."

"Oh, so even though you made Kenma feel unsafe in his own home and he came to me and Daichi, it doesn't become my business?"

His voice grew to one of bafflement, "Wha- I doubt I made him feel unsafe all I did was raise my voice!"

Hinata looked pissed so I looked at him so he knew he could pipe in if he wanted and he wanted to, "He had a slap mark on his cheek! And you of all people should know he doesn't do the best if someone raises their voice like that!" Hinata yelled

"I didn't hit him!" There the rooster goes again, lying..

"Oh, yes you did, I have photo proof of it! Unless you want me to expose you to all the schools that we have played against including your own so they know what a piece of shit you are, I would suggest you leave Kenma the fuck alone!"

"Hand me the phone." Hinata whispered. I nodded and handed over the phone

"He's my boyfriend, I have a right to talk to him!"

"No the hell he's not! You don't deserve him! Kenma is mine, he has been for weeks since you started to treat him like shit."

"So that little fucking kitten has been cheating on me?! What the fuck!"

"You cheated on him with Levs fucking sister, shut the fuck up."

"..." I could hear Kuroo go quiet on the other end, no longer having an argument I would assume.

"I'm sorry.." He said finally after what felt like a year despite it in reality just being a few seconds.

I held out my hand for the phone back which Hinata gave it back, "That doesn't fix it, Kuroo. You still hurt Kenma physically, and probably mentally."

"I-" I didn't want to give this guy a chance to speak,

"No. Shut up. Never contact this number again." I said and hung up on him and blocked the number.

"Damn! That was really cool, aaand a little scary.." Hinata chuckled

"Why thank you~" I said, chucking along with Hinata before heading back into the café.

We walked back in and saw everyone staring at us in shock, "Uh is something wrong?"

"We heard all of that. Goddamn!" Noya exclaimed, looking like he saw god with his own two eyes.. I mean he's dating Asahi so he might as well have seen him already.

"Oh sorry about that, I snapped." I chuckled lightly

Kenma got up to get his phone from me, "Thank you." He whispered, I gave him a pat on the head,

"Its no problem Kenma!"

After that we went to sit back down and the rest of the day was normal, everyone had a good day eating and talking. After we were done Daichi payed the bill even thought multiple people including myself offered to pay it instead, we headed to the car and dropped everyone off.

"Hey do you mind if I stay with you guys tonight? I don't think Kenma would wanna be alone tonight." Hinata said, Kenma asleep on his shoulder once again.

"Of course! What ever makes him comfortable!" I smiled from my seat.

We made it to the house I got out first with Daichi while Hinata stayed behind to pick up Kenma from the car and carry him inside.

--Hinata pov--

The boy sleeping in my arms made me so happy. Knowing that he was safe and away from Kuroo. I knew that rooster wasn't right for him from the start, I don't know why, whenever I saw him red flags just went haywire in my head. Anyway, we got inside and I walked to the room and put Kenma onto the bed, I slowly backed off and got out some spare clothes that Suga kept here and went to change. Once I got back I walked to the bed and sat next to Kenma, once I did I saw his arm reach out for mine.

I smiled at the sight, I laid down and wrapped my arms around the pudding cup cutey who I had a crush on for a while. He was so warm and soft, I never wanted this feeling to end. I set my alarm since tomorrow is school day and fell asleep with Kenma curled up in my arms like the cat-like boy he is.

--In the morning--

I woke up before Kenma, I guess he's a heavy sleeper when I comes to not waking up at alarms... I lightly tapped his chest, he stirred awake, "Eh.. Shoyo..?" He muttered, his eyes opened fully now.

"Mhm, now get up silly you have school, right?"

"Oh, yeah I guess." He said quietly

I stood up, letting him wake up. I grabbed his uniform and put them in the bathroom and grabbed my own, "Your uniform is in the bathroom dear-" I cut myself off at the moment I said dear.

Kenma just sat up and smiled at me, "Thank you dear, I love you." How the hell is he so smug?!

My face was as red as a strawberry but I kept a straight face buuuttttt I am gay so its not easy, but I tried my best. I walked to the bathroom, got into my school uniform, shoved a clean volleyball uniform into my bag and walked out. I sat onto the bed, waiting for Kenma to come out of the guest bathroom, once he did I reached my arms out for a hug. Kenma smiled and gave me a hug, I gave him a peck on the cheek and stood up again.

"How are you getting to school? Nekoma's kind of far.."

"Oh, Sugas driving me." Kenma explained as we walked down the stairs.

"Hey kiddos, we're going to go get coffee so we can get Kenma to school on time! Get your shoes on!" Suga called from the hall.

We both put on our shoes and went out to the car I grabbed Kenma's hand as we walked. We got in and Suga drove to the Starbucks closest to the school, "What do you want?"

"Apple Pie Frappuccino." Kenma said quietly

"Ah secret menu! I like your style!" Daichi praised

"And for you, my tangerine son?"

"Matcha latte please!"

"How do you sound tired yet energized, Shoyo?" Kenma said, curled up on my shoulder

"Uh I don't know, I guess that's just my voice in the morning."

Kenma didn't say anything else, just relaxed on my shoulder while looking at his phone. We made it to Starbucks and Suga went through the drive through,

"Hello, can I get a Apple Pie Frappuccino, a Matcha latte, a Java Chip Frappuccino and a Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade." Suga said, listing off the orders.

"Alright, pull up to the first window."

We pulled up and the coffees got passed around, "Do we need anything else last minute or are we ready to go?" Daichi asked

"No, I don't think so, do you need anything Kenma?"

"No." He shook his head next to me.

We made our way to the school, sipping on our drinks as we talked. Once we reached to the school, I kissed Kenma a goodbye before Suga drove off with him to drop him off at Nekoma before coming back. We walked into the building and the whole volley ball squad was standing in the entrance way with something behind their back. When me and Daichi went in, they whipped up the sign that read, "CONGRATS HINATA SHOYO!"

"Huh? What's this for?" I asked, very confused about the sign

"To congratulate you and Kenma dude!" Nishinoya exclaimed, running up to give me a noogie on my head.

"O-oh thank you!" I grinned at all my friends being supportive of me and my (unofficial) boyfriend.

We walked to class with the rest of the volleyball club following chatting with each other, dropping me off at my class before going on their way.

--Sugawara pov, 2 minutes after class ended--

I was sitting talking with a classmate about some homework the teacher had assigned when my phone rang, it was Kenma,

"Sorry *insert name* I kind of need to take this!"

"Oh its fine Sugawara!"

I said my goodbyes to my classmate and answered my phone when I exited the classroom, "Kenma, what do you need sweetie?"

Kenma's voice sounded shaky, sad almost from the other side like he had been crying, "Uh can you come get me?" My heart broke hearing that

I ran back to the classroom to grab my stuff, my bag, my keys, etc. "Oh of course! What happened if you don't mind me asking.."

"Kuroo started saying shit to the team, I don't wanna be questioned at practice, and Kuroo has eyed me down all day.. Me and him are always the last ones to finish changing I don't wanna be alone with him if I don't know what will happen."

The fact that Kenma even feels like that makes me sick.. "Alright, I will tell my couch I'll be late and I will bring you back to practice with me so you can hang out with us, ok?"

"Ok thank you, mom." Kenma said his goodbyes, when he ended the call I texted Keishin Ukai, our couch that I would be late.

I got into my car and drove to Nekoma to see Kenma waiting outside for me, "Get in kiddo!" I called.

Kenma quickly hopped in tears glazing his face, "Hey, once we get there I promise you we will do everything in our teams power to make you happy."

I kept driving and we made it back to Karasuno, we got out of a car and I walked with Kenma to the gym, I slowly opened the door and walked in with Kenma beside me.

"Hey guys.. We have a guest.." I announced quietly.

The minute I said that Couch Ukai looked at me, "Isn't that the Nekoma kid?"

Before I could answer Hinata ran up, "Oh my god! Kenma are you ok?! Who made you cry? Your face is red!"

"I-I'm fine Kuroo was just.. Being Kuroo.."

Almost the whole team piped up with some version of, "That bastard, that piece of shit, that motherfucker," Or something like it.

"Sugawara, Kenma sit down and explain what happened please." Couch Takeda called from the bench.

The whole team sat down instead of just us two with Hinata sitting off to the side with Kenma, holding his hand, peppering his face with kisses and just all around making him feel loved.

"So why exactly is Kenma here?" Ukai asked

"His ex was making him nervous and he didn't want to go to practice because of it so he messaged me to come get him, and I knew everyone would want to make sure he was ok so I brought him here."

"Its that Tetsurō Kuroo, right?"

Everyone nodded with murder in their eyes, "I'll can call the principal and fix stuff on the schools end, but if things are that bad, does Kenma have anywhere to stay?"

Daichi spoke up, "Yes he's staying with me and Sugawara."

"Alright, good." Ukai stood up and walked out

"Practice ends early! Stay safe everyone! Feel better soon Kenma!"

We all grinned and got our stuff together. Once we were ready to go we all hopped into my car, dropping off everyone at their houses,

"Thank you, Suga, Daichi, Shoyo.. all of you thank you." Kenma muttered from the back seat.

"Awh! That was so sweet! It's no problem Kenma! We will always love you!" I saw Hinata give Kenma more kisses and hugs from my mirror in the front seat. We got out and everyone went inside.

--Kenma pov--

"Hey Hinata?" I called from my bed, the boy popped his head in, his hair wet from a shower,

"What are we?" My cheeks lit up as I asked

"Well.. Aren't we boyfriends at this point? Or would you prefer another title?"

I shook my head, "No boyfriend sounds good."

Hinata sat down next to me, looking into my eyes and placing a hand on my cheek, "I love you, I love you so much Kenma."

I blushed at the words, I guess I'm still not used to that..

"I love you too, Shoyo."

I crawled into the tangerine boys lap and settled my arms on his chest.

"Thank you for being with me all this time Shoyo."

"Of course, you don't need to ever thank me for that."

I slowly fell into a comfortable sleep on my best friend- no on my beautiful, amazing, talented.. did I say beautiful already? Boyfriends chest.

----Now small snippets from all le ships featured--

Tsukishima x Yamaguchi

"Man.. This weekend sucked ass." Tsuki said from the couch

"I know. I know. It was, wasn't it?" Yamaguchi chuckled

"Question.."

"What is it Yams?"

"Could you wear the cute dino onesie I may or may have not bought you..?"

Tsuki looked at me his face turned red, "..........Fine, just don't tell ANYONE." Yamaguchi grinned ear to ear by that response

The green haired boy grabbed the onesie and Tsukishima embarrassingly slipped it on, "Oh my god you look so cute!" Yamaguchi squealed.

"Sh-shut up.."

"Gomen Tsuki!"

A few minutes later they were cuddling up to each other, Yamaguchi was in a heaven of cuddles and warmth. He felt loved as shit.

Daisuga

"Our sons are all grown up.." Suga exclaimed with a sigh while Daichi was on the couch sipping coffee with him watching some comedy on TV.

"Yeah, you really are a great parent figure to them dear."

"I mean some of them need that in their lives and I am more then happy to be that role."

"Mhm." Daichi nodded and held his boyfriends hand with one hand and sipped his coffee with the other.

"I love you dear."

"I love you too, sugar."

"Now excuse me while I expose Kuroos ass in every single team GC"

"Have fun with that dear."

aaand lastly, Kenhina!

Kenma grabbed his Switch, along with Hinata's which was right next to his, its orange case a custom one Kenma had made.

"Hey wanna play Animal Crossing?"

"Sure, whos island?"

"How about Nekoma's shared island? I wanna take all of Kuroos shit."

Hinata's eyes lit up at that comment, "I shall help!"

While Kenma was destroying the rooster heads stuff, Hinata was making patterns that led to Kuroos home that said stuff like, "Cheater this way ->," and "The home of a cheater"

"You're the best boyfriend ever Shoyo." Kenma said with a smile

"Uno reverse~"

Kenma curled up into a gay, blushy ball that fell into Hinata's arms

"You're so sweet and pure.."

"I mean I wouldn't say I'm pure but sure."

They both saved their games and fell asleep

--AAAND its over! I hope yall enjoyed, this is my first Haikyuu fanfic and I am hella proud of it! ~🏳‍🌈🧂Amber

[ohsweetflips]

Pls give us the AtLA rant, I have a mighty need!

askjskjsdkjdskj i copy and pasted my rant from last night bc imo the raw energy of “i am genuinely shocked and angry (in a good way)” is something i cannot recreate right now

so here is the rant i went on in my groupchat + the secret side conversation i had in DMs bc, in my 3 person gc, 2 of us are watching it for the first time and i already knew some stuff going in so i didn’t want to spoil

it’s all under the cut bc it’s long as fuck (like almost 2k words if not more) 

but basically i go into my own type of avatar-state while talking abt zuko!!!!

(I HAVEN’T STARTED BOOK 3 YET, PLEASE NO SPOILERS)

groupchat:

but i just finished book 2 and it took a completely different turn from what i thought it was going to like i am actually in shock and have officially reached my point of "zuko what the actual fuck" because the choice to do good was right there after everything he and iroh went through and after all that he saw and letting aang go multiple times and he was starting to be happy in this new life and saw that he and iroh could be free and he still went back to azula for his pride and honor, turning against aang and katara after he and katara could have finally reached a moment of understanding

but like what the fuck i am more mad at s2 zuko than i was at s1 zuko bc, in season 1, the avatar and his honor was the only thing he thought about, but in s2, he met people who had their lives ruined by the fire nation!! and he worked with them!!!! iroh was showing him what it was like to live completely free, doing what he wants!!!! and he was starting to understand!!!!! but im so pissed and so fucking shocked bc, this entire fucking time, i was like "oh yeah the end of s2 is going to be when zuko joins, right? bc i mean book 3 is fire, so zuko has to teach him fire bending" but no, he willingly chose to keep pursuing the avatar after fucking everything he has seen, after knowing how people were affected by the fire nation, after everything iroh did for him

and he knows what he did!! he knows!!!!! he told azula that he betrayed iroh!!!!!!! he fucking knows

when iroh showed up to fight both him and azula, i was fucking losing it bc iroh's love has been so unconditional for zuko, he supported zuko through everything and even helped him try to capture the avatar at times, but that was the final straw

zuko willingly walked into world domination. he doesn't even fucking trust azula! he never has! but she brought up his pride and honor, and she's powerful as all hell, and he sided with her! after everything!

i really thought he was learning that his quest for the avatar was fruitless! it's not going to bring him happiness! his life in the fire nation will never return to normal

aang has saved his life so many god damn times, him and katara were reaching a point of understanding! they fucking talked about how the fire nation took both of their mothers

and i'm so floored bc this was all willing

when zuko was exiled, he had no choice! it was either find the avatar or have no home. but he was finding a home! he finally seemed so happy with iroh! it really seemed like iroh's teachings were getting through to him! that he was learning what he really wanted (freedom)! but he still went back to the fire nation except this time he chose to. he looked at the people he was starting to understand, at the man who has been a better father than ozai ever could, and willingly chose to turn away for the sake of pillaging and conquering and "honor" in a family that doesn't care about him

at first, i was like "this has to be a trick, right? he's fighting them now so that he can backstab azula later, right?"

but when katara said to him "i thought you changed!" and he said "i have" i was fucking besides myself

im so angry but im also fucking exhilirated bc this i did not expect

i would've put so much money on there being a meaningful moment of zuko stepping up alongside aang

like, i was so sure this would happen

i was convinced

but holy shit

and fucking!!! zuko knows what iroh went through at ba sing se with the loss of his son (and probably the realization that what the fire nation was doing was fucked up) and zuko still turned against iroh

after everything iroh did for him! iroh was the only person who stood by zuko's side during everything. he pleaded zuko's case over and over, he seeked out the gaang bc he needed their help and he was so sure that zuko would make the right decision!!! he saw zuko let the avatar go before, but when zuko was faced w/ azula's assistance and the avatar right there, he just went back to his old ways except worse bc this is willing

and like

am i discounting the manipulations of azula and ozai? no!!!

that definitely had a hand in it, bc azula has been dangling honor and ozai's love in front of zuko the entire time

but i really thought that the end of s2 would be when zuko sees past all of that

except he turned back to the family that doesn't even love him, betraying the only person who truly cared for him and loved him unconditionally and wanted the best for him, and now he has a direct hand in the collapse of ba sing se and world domination

like okay let it be known that this is some of the best writing ive seen and im fucking obsessed and im living for this and it's so fucking good so my anger is fueled by excitement and shock

and also i fucking love negative character development

like. i love zuko. and literally i think that's part of this too bc i was so sure that he was going to make the right decision

and instead i had to face the dawning realization that he wasn't

and now he and azula are teaming up to end the earth kingdom

like i thought i knew where this was gonna go and now i'm genuinely lost (in a good way)

and like i haven't even touched upon aang's chakra being locked bc he went back to katara

(also don't even get me started on the painful irony of iroh telling aang that sometimes it's better to choose love and friendship over power)

(like really don't get me started because i'm about to combust)

after everything iroh did for zuko!!!

after the gaang has saved his life!!!!!!!

and the best thing is, it was shocking but still not out of character

that's the beautiful thing

this was always an option for zuko

it's the point of the crossroads!!! you can go either way!!!!!!!

i just thought he was gonna go...................... the other way

and like literally the fact that he sided with azula after obviously not liking her basically his entire life (or at least his adolescence) is so fucking telling for how he made this decision bc. unless there's some behind the scenes stuff, he saw the avatar and his pride and his honor so clearly, and he saw how powerful azula was becoming, and decided that he would still take it even in the face of azula's manipulations and violence

if that makes sense

if you can't tell, i'm kinda reeling right now

like, apparently zuko wants his honor/power so badly that he'll side with azula!!!

after they spent an entire season fighting her

but also....... azula finally gave him that option of working together. before, it was always azula vs. zuko

now, though, azula was offering a world dominating olive branch

so now like im thinking....... what if that happened earlier? would zuko always have turned? or is it just because everything he ever wanted was so close to him?

and it's wonderful bc it's still so in-character. like, even siding with azula, it's not bc he suddenly cares for his sister or whatever, but it's because he chose honor/pride/the fire nation over freedom/giving up what he always wanted. i don't think he was choosing azula, he was choosing his pre-written destiny over making his own

god is any of this making sense i am literally so fucking shocked

i literally need like 3 episodes solely on iroh at this point bc you know what probably fucking sucks??? losing his first son to the war in ba sing se, and then losing his nephew (who he saw as another son) to starting war in ba sing se

like? that has to feel like a fucking slap in the face ten times over

especially bc iroh left the fire nation with zuko (and probably for zuko), most likely giving up his full title there

and like? the fighting sequences are so cool but it was so fucking heartbreaking to hear iroh tell aang "you go on ahead! i will hold off both of them!" because like. iroh can't wait any longer! he thinks (and knows) that zuko is making the wrong choice, but he can't wait any longer! he can't stand by while zuko dominates an entire city and say "oh, he's really complicated, he's going through something"! because zuko did go through it and he came out of it and he still made that choice! iroh probably feels like all his patience, all his efforts, all his teachings and love, went to fucking waste! because it didn't get him anywhere!

like, iroh probably still loves zuko but he probably feels so fucking betrayed and hurt and disappointed because, after seeing zuko let the avatar go before and seeming so happy, he probably thought that zuko was changing for the better! and now, he has to fight his niece AND his nephew! this no longer is zuko insulting some other general or his crew that iroh can fix by explaining what happened w/ ozai and how zuko is very conflicted! this is a situation that zuko willingly walked in, even after hearing and knowing all of iroh's teachings!

anyways! poetic cinema

like also pls dont think im ignoring everything else in the episode, like aang's chakra being locked was fucking wild and that entire episode was so good, with the fight sequences and everything abt azula, and toph’s metal bending, just forgive me bc im a little uhhhhh distracted by a twist that i genuinely did not expect

i feel bad for how focused i am right now on zuko but also how can i not be bc that feels so connected to literally everything else

also tho on a brighter note, true serotonin was when appa finally returned :')

it's so wonderful that appa broke out by himself. he did it all on his own! no one else was there. at all :)

(im kidding that was actually a very important moment in zuko's character)

(or at least i thought it was going to be)

(well actually it still is, but it's come to the question of "you can always say what you're going to do in a situation, but what happens when you're actually faced with it?”)

DMs:

i know that zuko gets redeemed, right? like i know, in the end, they will all team up

but the fact that it didn't happen now

holy shit

like.......... a whiiiiiiile ago on tumblr, i saw a post that was like "zuko has a great redemption but he needed to work for it bc he did awful things" and like? tbh yeah i got that s1 zuko was the antag and he did shitty things but like...................... this feels so much more poignant

like zuko literally has a direct hand now in the collapse of the earth kingdom

literally not to be dramatic but this is like. taz-reveal levels of shocked right now.

i thought i knew the zuko arc

bc i know he gets redeemed!!

so, after watching this season, i was thinking "oh okay it's gonna be this season! makes sense!"

but.... deep down

deep down..............

a part of me was kinda like "so is season 1 zuko....... it? is that the end of his antagonisms? is season 2 meant to be his redemption? i dig it, but i thought it would be more...................... dramatic"

well!

got what i wished for!

and i am in the best kinds of hell

like i almost feel bad bc so much other stuff happened in the finale (like, for example, aang's chakra being locked, which i screamed at, it was so good) but like. i genuinely did not expect this.

like. holy fuck.

like, now i really understand why people say that zuko needed to really work for his redemption bc he and azula are tag teaming the end of the earth kingdom

[honeybinnies]

how i came to stan bang chan: an attempt on a mock thesis paper

How I Came to Stan Bang Chan by Nia (honeybinnies)

        Bang Christopher Chan, being the leader of Stray Kids, has been known throughout the K-Pop community ever since the JYP-born group came out with their pre-debut song, Hellevator, and their debut song, District 9. Today, we see Chan as a leader with many aspirations and a sense of impactful intellect that touch not just the fans’ hearts, but hearts of all ages. Not to mention, he is a universal bias for most Stays, and even if you didn’t bias Chan, you at least have been biaswrecked by him. That is why I’m here to share my own experience of stanning such a young, beautiful man such as Bang Chan, and I have evidence to back all of this up. My name’s Nia, and I talk about Changbin and Hyunjin a lot. However, I think it’s about time I start talking about Chan too.

         Let’s start from the beginning of time, where everything about the Stay community was fairly new to me. It was April 16, 2019, and Stray Kids have finally made their first ever win since their debut. It was also the day I officially became a Stay, having known all the members and their physical attribute to their chemistry as a team. I was both a Changbin and a Hyunjin stan by them, rooting them on with their talented raps and amazing dance moves, but there were obviously a few more who tested my loyalty to them every step of the way. Han Jisung, Lee Minho, and Bang Chan. Aside from the fact that Jisung was basically good at everything, and that Minho was a literal gem to this entire universe, Chan was the one I seemed to despise the most as a biaswrecker. I absolutely hated it when he would flex on his charisma, intellect, responsibility, and time management as a leader, and not to mention, he looks absolutely stunning with those deep eyeshadow tones and complementary contact lenses to highlight his (sad) bleached hair. “What can I say,” said my friend once over the phone, “when it comes to your biases, they’re like you. Biaswreckers, however, are your ideal type. It’s a known fact.” It wasn’t like that helped me back then, for that only meant that Changbin and Hyunjin were like me, and that Chan would be my ideal type. I soon began to realize that it was totally the case for me. I would also take part in a closed group chat with two of my close friends called “SK DORM GC”, and we do roleplays of our biases and biaswreckers alike by crafting amazing aus and dorm lives. This group chat was the sole reason I stayed away from Chan, thankfully, because two of my friends seemed to be invested with Chan back then. I had every right to back away, and remain on the safe lane with Changbin and Hyunjin.

        However, a month into my summer, the horrid sentence was brought up in a night’s discussion with my close friends, the sentence that stuck to me for dear life, and had me wondering up until this day. “You look like a Chan stan.” I was perplexed at their assumption, and maybe I was a little hurt that none of them viewed me as a Changbin stan, nor a Hyunjin stan. Maybe it was because of the YOLO signs I’ve been pulling up in every picture? Maybe it was because of the way I would show them smiling pictures of Chan, and fawn over his adorable smiles? Whatever those questions were, I still never knew why they pegged me for a Chan stan. Even through the pictures I would send my mom about him, I would still be oblivious to the question that stuck to my head after such an event.

        Then, a certain VLive of his answered my question completely. My summer hasn’t been the best of summers, and some of my days were spent on sadness, melancholy, and if I were to be more frank, an episode of self-loathing. During a day of darkness, a notification popped from my phone, and told me that Chan was currently live. I decided to give it a try, see how he’s doing in this evening. I never knew what would happen to me if I clicked that live, but once I did, my entire perspective of Chan being a biaswrecker changed, and so did the sadness that went away from my heart. My entire mood lifted when he would laugh, play songs, and sing them to us with a familiar stare that seemed like he was looking at us as if we were the world. What took the cake for me though, was when I decide to comment “chan u are so mfing CUTE”. Seconds after sending it, he laughed, and mine you, my heart skipped a beat. Perhaps he saw another comment, but I’d like to believe that he laughed at mine anyway. I’d like to believe that my entire perspective of Chan changed since that day, and that label of biaswrecker has been reduced to bias.

          Ever since that VLive, I’ve been leeching onto Chan more, as if he was like Changbin and Hyunjin. There was a progression of Chan pictures on my gallery, constant VLive watching, non-stop talking with my Tumblr mutual and irls about Chan scenarios, Chan blurbs—basically Chan, would save songs recommended by Chan on my playlist, would listen to them while studying or writing stories, and even our roleplays were more Chan-centric in the group chat, considering that all sides of the same coin were on total major hours of the Australian.

          So, as I made this account, everything clicked from there. I gained some very friendly and nice mutuals who would wreck me with an array of Chan pictures, and destroy me with every concept of him until I finally decided to officially stan him. My close friends weren’t surprised when I told them this, as they even made me a Chan counter to count the number of times I mentioned his name in a week (I’m going on 5, by the way!). Simply put, Chan is practically at the same level as Changbin and Hyunjin at this point, and I’m admittedly happy that I’m equal to my three ultimates in Stray Kids.

         With that being said, Bang Chan has now become my third ultimate bias in Stray Kids after Changbin and Hyunjin, and surely, it has been quite a journey for me to stan a kind, admirable, and down-to-earth man such as Chan. I have no regrets on stanning him, but I just hope that he doesn’t make his way to number one bias on my bias list because I know I’ll be make Changbin and myself sad. Thank you for listening to this TedTalk that completely wasted a bit of time in your lives.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:  SK DORM GC My mom My close friends My Twitter mutuals My Tumblr mutuals (most especially @skzphilia and @solarbinnie) My classmates who thought I was talking about some man I actually knew My extra ass for making a literal paper on Chan My followers for having to deal with my bullshit

[dearestmichaella]

Why I Want to Become a Good Doctor

Today, we just had our ward discussion with our consultant regarding the patient we saw last last week (Feb 13) in Pasay City General Hospital with our main clinical impression of stroke. He is a 74/M, obtunded, not oriented to time, place and person, non-coherent, non-fluent with dysphasia and dysphonia. GCS 9. If you are from the medicine world, you will probably have a picture of him on your mind most especially about the severity of his presentation. In simpler words, he is most of the time sleeping but whenever he is awake, it’s as if he is confused and not really receptive about the things happening around him. He only conveys his message through moaning most especially if he is feeling any pain in his body. The consultant in our ward discussion is somehow strict but in a constructive way. I find it helpful because he wants us to learn through his clinical experiences. What he usually do is he have our index cards, each with our name on it, calls a random person to present each part of the case. He would ask anything under the sun and we will be graded on that. I usually try to peek on what he is writing in our index cards but he has these random codes. He has his phone on his side with a random series of numbers, he looks at it every time we answer and then he writes it in our index cards. There’s random letters, series of numbers that somehow made me felt like it’s as if a morse code (or maybe it really is?! ty parasite for letting me appreciate morse codes ahhaha). He also focuses on what we really think as doctors as to diagnosis, differentials and therapeutics.  

I really enjoy studying for any case discussions but only when I transferred to a new school. In my previous school where I went in, there’s no much time learning everything. Now that my new school has a different approach on activities like this, it gives me more time reading my medical books. It thrills me finding and getting answers on questions I have on my mind. So I must say prior to our ward discussion a while ago, I really really studied hard. My friend who is also part of the group asked me why I gave so much effort studying for this even on the smallest details. I also asked myself the same question especially during times of frustration and tiredness. I can just actually sleep the rest of the night or perhaps study for other subjects I need to. Last night got me thinking and I just assumed that maybe, I am just like this. I just really wanna know more and I hate myself for that.

Why do I really study hard?

My father whom I loved so much despite and in spite, had a stroke when I was just a first yr med student, supposedly 2nd yr but I got irregular. I only had the basics back then - anatomy, physiology, physical diagnosis & etc. When my father presented with right sided numbness of his upper ext progressing to lower ext, I thought of stroke but not with much conviction. Papa claims that maybe he excessively strained his muscles when he was doing some chores. Papa is generally healthy, not even hypertensive with no known heart problems. Although he is a smoker.  We immediately consulted to a physician, an Internist-Cardiologist, whom I can say is good since he has a specialty. He is also affiliated with good hospitals around the metro. Our consult took only for more or less 5 minutes, asked what’s Papa’s chief complaint, took his BP, typed something on his computer, gave us a request for some labs and CT scan. We had it done but results from the hospital takes days and the doctor was clear that he cannot say anything at the moment without the labs and ancillaries. We had a follow up 3 days after, the CT scan was cleared. At that time, I was already nervous I even asked the doctor if we should be referred to a neurologist  or if we should just go to ER dept of the hospital cause it might be stroke to which he just replied with, “I need to first the duplex scan but if you wish to consult a neuro, you may do so.” Having said that, my dad who found me so annoying that I am insisting to consult a neuro, trusted the doctor that it could be something else. Because again, who am I compared to a specialist. I understand Papa, he was also scared because who wouldn’t it be. But that night, I talked to him with my book on the side, did some neurologic test, in which there are some that he cannot do. I convinced him finally to see a neurologist despite his normal CT scan. The next morning we went to a neurologist and the doctor said it could be a stroke based on his presentation and he needs to be confined immediately. I was devastated.

Papa is okay now though, to the lay what he had is just a mild stroke (medically, there’s no, mild stroke). What he had is an ischemic stroke to brain small vessels hence the, “milder presentation”.

I found myself devastated again today most especially when our consultant a while ago was discussing about stroke. I was amazed because I didn’t expect he would share so much about “stroke” since he is an expert in Gastro. When we were sharing our differentials, he emphasized why in our case, the first think you’ll think of is stroke. Hemiparesis. One sided weakness. Even without laboratory tests/ancillaries, it’s like a bell ringing in your mind. Stroke, an acute onset of focal neurologic deficit commonly due to vascular pathology - the theoretical definition. He even gave us scenarios aside from the case we presented such as, “What if, despite thinking of stroke, patient did a CT scan and found to be normal. No history of other diseases. There’s only one sided weakness. Would you still think of it as a stroke?” It is a challenging question on what should be the next best step for the patient. My classmates were answering - MRI could be requested but Doc asked, “What if the patient doesn't want to do an MRI anymore due to financial problem or what if the patient got mad cause you as doctor said that the CT scan is enough to confirm it’s stroke.” I was just listening, deeply. It is a question not seen on books but often seen in a clinical setting. Moreover, I remembered Papa. Doc said then that it should be a pertinent negative, meaning from there you would think that probably the stroke is ischemic rather hemorrhagic which usually presents in a CT scan, at least days after. The next best step is to administer immediately treatment because again, with stroke, timing is everything.

I did not expect that after this case discussion, I will have the answer to my friend’s question, “Why do I really study hard?”. The answer was simple, deep down in my heart, I want to become a good doctor. I want to save people, more so my family in times of like this. I don’t wanna become the cardiologist who saw my father twice and didn’t give much importance to what my Papa’s feeling. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame  him but I am certain I felt like he wasn’t at his best when he saw Papa for whatever reason I don’t know of. Imagine how many patients are being seen by doctors who doesn’t pay much attention. Our mentors would always say to us, ‘Treat all your patients as if they are your relatives.’ They say, being a doctor, is really a calling. It is true that it requires us so much time, patience, hard work, mental and emotional torture but when life and death comes into your table, as humans, what the very least thing you can do? For now, as a medical student, the very least thing that I can do is to study hard with more than I can to become the good doctor I want to be.

Maybe, it’s too idealistic of me saying I want to become a good doctor because soon in the clinical practice, there would be so much challenges. Soon, all patients would become merely cases & numbers. You can’t let all this consume you or else, you wont be at your best for your next patients. It is a situation we can’t help from happening. But why does it seem wrong or hard to become human in a situation we need to be one?

As doctors who have been through a lot. We are made out of the extremes of the extremes situation that humbled us to become more human. And for us to treat another human, we have first to become one.

May I be, when the time comes of burn out and verge of giving up, reminded of this - on why I want to become a good doctor. And hopefully, soon, even I know it’s a long way to go, become one. With God’s grace.

*this blog is made out of tears and extreme passion*

[qvestchen]

Nemesis // Soonwoo SVT

Summary: It was really laughable. The idea that Jeon Wonwoo had a nemesis. And yet there it was. The clear proof that all his life, like a nagging dull ache, Kwon Soonyoung had stepped all over his plans without ever really acknowledging him.

And maybe it was wrong for Wonwoo to seek him out but all he wanted was answers at first. He had never imagined they would stand opposite each other, fingers on triggers, his death in his nemesis’s hands and vice-versa.

Author: qvestchen

Status: Ongoing

Chapters: Home, Previous, Next.

Nemesis // Soonwoo SVT

Chapter 1:  It was a surrealist meme

Wonwoo looked at the schedule in his hand and scanned the corridor. His eyes found Room No. 67 and he walked to the glass doors with only a slight urgency of purpose being betrayed in his quick steps. He cursed under his breath as the door swung outside nearly crashing against his face. Whoever it was, didn't even see him, choosing instead to continue on their way without a care in the world, happily talking on the phone.

He slunk into the department room, nodding to the man sitting on the small desk that served as a reception counter. "I have come to register myself for the 3 p.m. 'Introduction to Persian Language and Culture' course." He placed a copy of his college ID and registration form on the desk.

"The course is closed," the man responded without even looking up from computer screen.

"But—" Wonwoo began.

The man threw a sheet towards him. "The last spot just got filled."

Wonwoo made a face, eyes dully scanning the sheet. His eyes stopped at the last name, widening in recognition.

Kwon Soonyoung.

His gaze flitted to the doorway. He asked, "Wait, the person who signed...t-this Kwon Soonyoung...was he the one who just left?"

The receptionist looked at him with a grimace. "Yes, and he was damn polite unlike you. Now, can I get my work do—?"

But Wonwoo was already rushing out of the small, air-conditioned room. His footsteps rang across the empty corridor. He looked right and left and followed a flight of stairs down and found himself in the ringing din of the English and Chinese language departments, a sharp contrast to the dusty, quiet floor above. People brushed past, someone knocking against his shoulder while he wildly looked for a sign, anything that he could zero in and recognize, something for him to pin the mystery of his life with.

The scattered conversations crawled at the nape of his neck as he strained to catch the words.

--I didn't mean to—Have you seen—wait up, you f—I can't believe I'm still—Shakespeare probably didn't even—she doesn't love me—are you free on—I flunked Chinese last time so—there can only be—save me from Proffess—which elective are—do you think the comeback—bro, the course is overflowing—are you coming to the party on Friday—we should start making the club flyers th—

"Wonwoo? Wonwoo?"

Wonwoo turned around realizing the weight of a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you really spacing out in the corridor?"

Wonwoo made a face at his friend. "What are you doing here, Mingyu?"

"I came to sign up for my Literature elective but what are you doing here?" the other boy asked, all smiles and mischievous eyes.

"I came to sign up for my Persian elective," Wonwoo said, gesturing Mingyu to walk beside him.

Mingyu laughed his characteristic barking laugh and Wonwoo could see a couple of students stop and stare with intrigue in their eyes. This happened a lot when he was with his friend. Kim Mingyu excited interest everywhere he went. His tall frame and impeccable fashion made him stick out but his warm smile and constant chatter made him endearing. Everyone wanted to befriend him. Many wanted to date him and would have no doubt tried to make a move but since Mingyu mostly hung out with Wonwoo and his snarky aura, Mingyu was bordering on unapproachable.

"That's on the floor above," Mingyu said, still laughing. "I can't believe you've spent a semester here and yet behave like you know nothing."

"I went there. The registrations are full so it was a bummer and then I..." He trailed off, looking around one last time.

"And you decided to come find me? Aww, I knew you had a thing for me." Mingyu joked, eyes twinkling. "But, sorry, Wonwoo, I don't have any plans for a relationship right now. You know how tough it is for college-going people—Ouch, don't hit me!"

"I wish we hadn't met last semester. I can't seem to get rid of you," Wonwoo said, pushing him with his shoulder.

Mingyu grinned. He knew his words didn't have any bite. They were best of friends and even though people always felt Mingyu was never in shortage of friends, it was him who depended on Wonwoo more. He was grateful for their little circle of friends.

Wonwoo added a bit wistfully. "I thought I saw someone."

"Oh, wait a sec, this is my department. I'll drop in and be back. Wait for me."

Wonwoo nodded, taking out his Nintendo and was about to log on to a game when his phone buzzed with a notification. It was a message from Seokmin.

Pizzamin: Hey, come to the cafeteria asap

If you spot Mingyu or Minghao, get them too

They never reply to the gc

A very small smile made its way across Wonwoo's features. He began to reply.

Wonwoollen: It's because you and Seungkwan spam the gc with weird stuff

Pizzamin: They're memes

Wonwoollen: It was an hour long video of just you saying "are you ready" and Seungkwan replying "I'm ready" last night

Pizzamin: It was a surrealist meme

The drama club president Hoshi loved it

Hoshi is cool, he helped make it

Hoshi. It was a new name but Wonwoo had already heard it repeatedly in glowing terms on a frequent basis at their cafeteria table ever since the new semester had started. Some 'angel' had descended on to the nearly defunct drama club last semester and over the course of the semester transformed it into one of the top clubs in the university this semester. Seokmin and Seungkwan who had just joined the club, now idolized the said 'angel'.

Pizzamin: Anyway, get everyone

I made a new friend

You all should meet him and make him feel welcome

Wonwoo couldn't resist an eye-roll. As much as he adored his friends, Seokmin had a habit of making a new friend every now and then and Wonwoo who was comfortable with sitting alone, found their friends circle increasing at an alarming rate. When he had come to the university last semester, he had totally imagined himself being a certified loner who could just sit back and watch life unfold in front him. Instead, he got adopted by Mingyu and Seokmin.

Wonwoollen: I'll bring Mingyu

Pizzamin: Hansol found Minghao so be here quick

Also, buy me a music notebook from the store since it's on the way

Mingyu emerged from the office, smiling, slightly red, and stuffing a small chit of paper in his pocket.

It was now Wonwoo's turn to tease. "Let me guess, someone gave you their number?"

Mingyu blushed harder. "It's not what you're thinking. She said just in case I find the elective tough later."

"Yeah, right."

"So," Mingyu said, changing the subject, "whom did you see? Was it someone pretty?"

"No, no. It was just...someone...I don't know, I thought it was someone I keep meeting but not really meeting. It's weird."

Mingyu looked at him shrewdly. "Wonwoo, I think you have a crush. It happens to the best of us. You needn't be shy about it. Minghao and I, we can help you with the wardrobe and Seokmin can give you some nice jokes so your dark personality doesn't come to the fore."

Wonwoo scoffed. "Thanks, but it's not a crush and I love my personality the way it is."

"Sure, whatever you say."

They bickered all the way till the cafeteria, even making a stop for Seokmin's precious notebook collection, where they were hailed by their friends.

Seungkwan shouted. "Last one to the table has to buy cupcakes for everyone."

It was totally stupid and there was no need to race across the cafeteria for those tasteless cupcakes but Wonwoo found himself laughing aloud as he pushed Mingyu sideways and ran forward. Their friends cheered for them. Moments like these he totally forgot the little puzzle in his brain, the strange feeling that there was someone out there whom he kept meeting but only side-stepping, he forgot his fears, he forgot details of this other person he didn't remember in full—the back of the head, the swing of the shoulder, a fraction of a cheek, the turn of the ears, the confident walk, the angle of the shoulders and that one time he had seen a quarter of a smile—he forgot all these little incomplete bits of the puzzle, he even forgot momentarily the name he tried to never forgot. Kwon Soonyoung. Whoever he might be, wherever he might be. Wonwoo didn't care. He didn't want to see the big picture. He just wanted to go on living this simple life where he was racing Mingyu to get out of buying some cupcakes.

He laughed at Mingyu who clutched his side, grumbling and coming in last.

Seokmin called their attention after everyone sat down on the table. "Alright, alright, now that we have shown our worst side, here is my new friend Yoon Jeonghan. He's a History major, just like you Wonwoo."

Wonwoo's heart was thundering after the run to the table but as he looked back at Yoon Jeonghan and his easy, lazy smile, he felt a cold hand clutch at his throat. His eyes never left the newcomer who introduced himself to everyone in a comfortable, suave manner.

Jeonghan had blonde hair that was brushed immaculately in place, every strand glittering with every movement of his head. His eyes were lazy and then suddenly watchful and a slight smirk never left his sharp, angular face. He looked at you as if he knew everything about you, as if he knew you better than you yourself, and Wonwoo who led a quiet, private life felt unnerved.

"Absolutely lovely to meet you, Wonwoo. I look forward to studying History with you. I hope we can be the best of friends," Jeonghan said, his tone affectionate and sinister at the same time, as if they had known each other since ages.

Wonwoo's hands were clammy in the handshake and he wordlessly nodded, trying to retract his hand.

Thankfully, Minghao intervened. "Wonwoo's a bit shy around strangers."

"Oh," Jeonghan said and withdrew from the handshake. "I'm sorry. I can be quite awkward myself."

"It's alright," Wonwoo replied, feeling a bit embarrassed at already judging the newcomer who seemed genuinely apologetic. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Talking about strangers," Seokmin said. "I think someone has a crush on our Wonwoo."

"Oh, you have to hear this," Hansol said.

Seokmin said, "The two of us were just sitting here and discussing our electives and Hansol happened to mention that you decided to go for not-so-popular Intro to Persian because it's really easy and scoring and not many people turn up for it and—" He started laughing.

"And," Hansol continued, with a smile, "this guy on the table beside us literally screamed WHAT and fell out of his chair. Seokmin here goes, 'Oh our friend, Wonwoo, went to sign up for the Persian elective because it's easy' but the man just bolted. He probably wanted to be in your class real bad. People these days."

"No way," Mingyu said, laughing now too.

"Shut up," Wonwoo said, making an unimpressed face. "You're making this up."

"Who was it?" Seungkwan asked, totally interested. "This is amazing."

Seokmin looked around the cafeteria. "He hangs around our table a lot. I'm sure you've seen him—Oh, there he is. His name is...uh, Joshua, I think? Yeah, he's Joshua."

Later, it was with stubborn determination that Wonwoo would explain to everyone that he had only looked out of pure human curiosity, the kind that makes people look up when an airplane flies by and nothing more.

Joshua Hong entered the cafeteria looking frantically around as if he had lost something important.

The fact that their whole table was looking at him was enough to alert him to their gaze. Wonwoo (out of pure human curiosity) watched with an expressionless face as Joshua's eyes widened as he caught sight of something beyond Wonwoo. Wonwoo turned around to see what it was and it surprised him when he saw that it was Jeonghan and Joshua in a staring contest. The rest of the table needn't have existed.

Jeonghan didn't drop his gaze and raised an eyebrow as if in a challenge. Whatever it was, Joshua seemed to understand. He turned around and left the cafeteria.

Opposite Wonwoo, Minghao had caught the strange interaction too. Both of them looked away quickly, knowing that it was something they would discuss later.

"Well, that was weird. I'm going to go to my room and finish the last level of my game. Get me a cupcake, Mingyu," Wonwoo said with a yawn.

Jeonghan raised a hand, putting his phone to his ear. "Just a sec. This is important," he said to everyone. He spoke into the phone, "Hello, Soonyoung?"

hello! this is our first seventeen story on here :)

hope you'll enjoy it. please keep on supporting this fic, soonwoo and svt  xx 

[canaryatlaw]

today was...a lot. morning was actually pretty good, my emotions have just kinda been all over the place. I never notice when I’m in a depressive spiral until I hit the bottom and look back like oh yeah, that would make sense why I’ve been sleeping so much and feeling so anxious and stressed about work (and I mean, work is definitely a part of it, which really just means I need to get the position at the DV clinic that much more) and discouraged all the time, along with skipping church for like, a solid month, even going in for the babies one week but not staying for the service because I just didn’t have it in me. I think I need to really reevaluate who and what is important to me and how that actually has an impact on my life and wellbeing. Most of all I need to stop relying on other people for emotional fulfillment, because eventually they will let you down and I can’t keep putting myself through that pain. I’ve been thinking back to when my life wasn’t as crazy like it is now. I’ve tended to look back on that time negatively, at least in the positive moments now. But the truth was that while my life was pretty boring, I wasn’t depressed (save for the summer of 2017, but that was external circumstances that I couldn’t control). I was happy with the life I had and the friends I had, and god do I miss those friends. I’m talking to them in a GC on twitter like right now and I really just miss them. It’s been way too long since I’ve gotten to see them and actually hang out with them. And these are my friends- mine, not friends by association with someone else who I know aren’t at all loyal to me as actual friends and I really don’t trust most of them. Is it nice to have sometime to do on my weekends now? Yeah, it is, but the drawbacks have been beginning to weigh on me, and now I’m not sure that it’s always what’s best for me. I’m not saying I want it all gone, because for the most part I do very much like my life now, but there are definitely some things that need to change, because I can’t keep doing this. And more than anything I think those changes need to come from me, not anyone else. god, I’d kill for a good therapist that I was comfortable with and knew I could trust right now just to talk this all out with. I just need to be better with controlling my emotions and not getting attached to people who aren’t going to be there for me. I need to rely on myself, not other people. so that’s pretty much all the emotions I’ve been processing. I’m still split on whether I should say anything to my psychiatrist about it at my appointment Tuesday. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I should, I’m just so scared of switching meds that might result in a very bad result like it has in the past, and I really don’t trust this new guy yet, so far all he’s done is prescribed the meds I told him I was already own, I don’t have any examples of his judgment on which to base a decision. But I realized today that it’s definitely worse than I thought, so at this point I pretty much feel like I have to, even though that scares me. sigh. okay, I think that’s all my feelings for now, I may come back and add more sentences while writing the rest of the post. but yeah, my day, let’s get to that. I woke up to my alarm at 7:15 and surprisingly managed to get out of bed without that much effort. Got ready, public transit was actually cooperating with my schedule for once and I literally made it inside the sanctuary 20 seconds before the service started, lol, can’t beat that. I had taken a seat next to this guy after asking if it was open, and we started talking a little, just bits and pieces during the service. and y’all, he was SO cute. Kinda preppy, wearing a polo shirt, but it looked classy, not douchey. so throughout the service (which I’ll get to in a minute) I’m like sneaking glances over to him. He just moved to Chicago, and it was his first time at the church, so we talked a bit about that stuff. And like, at this point my brain was setting off serious alarm bells (in a good way, lol) because finding single cute guys at this church is fucking impossible, and I saw my opportunity and knew I had to take it. So once the service was over I was just like “I’m never this forward, but are you seeing anyone? dating in this church is impossible because everyone’s already taken, lol” which he laughed at. He responded that he wasn’t seeing anyone, but felt like he wasn’t really in a good place to be in a relationship right now because he’s got some things he has to deal with, but if he was available he would *definitely* be interested, which he certainly did not have to add if he was just trying to blow me off haha. I said ofc I totally understand, and if he gets things worked out, he’d know where to find me. We left off saying we’d see each other in the weeks to come. So overall I’m declaring this a successful guy interaction! I’ve literally never done that before in my life haha so I’d say pretty good. But yeah the service was really good, started by talking about the beginning of Matthew reading the genealogy of Jesus (which is of course not terribly thrilling haha but that was the point) and then went to talking about how each person on that list had a story and how your story is going to impact the people around you if you allow God to work through you and share it. Really good stuff. And just to make it super awesome, they brought an ice cream truck and paid for everyone to get ice cream??? have I mentioned how much I love my church??? so so much, lol. these people get me. So of course I went down and got an ice pop before proceeding to the volunteer huddle, and it was very much appreciated. Once I was done I went to the volunteer lounge and we did our kick off, and then headed to the baby room. There were 3 of us in the babies and 1 in the walkers, but at this point we’d basically been combining them so it wasn’t really an issue. We started getting babies pretty quickly, and they just kept coming, and coming, and coming.....it was getting insane. and when I say babies I mean like infants, under 1 and either not being able to crawl or just starting to figure it out, and we were running out of rockers and just about anything else to put them in. So at this point it was getting to pandemonium very quickly. I think the final count ended up being 18 babies for 4 volunteers, which is NUTS. Thankfully our kids ministry people are super awesome and did everything they could to help out and took the crying ones on a stroller ride with the massive stroller they have, and that always helps. but yeah, in my 3 years of volunteering with the babies, this was the most babies I have ever seen. Like older kids? sure, I’ve seen plenty of those. but babies?? like those are sooo much harder and require so much more attention. so it was definitely a challenge. Apparently the reason for this was for some reason this service was absolutely flooded with people, with the sanctuary packed out and over 100 people (100!!! people!!!) in the overflow space, which is insane. no idea what triggered that, but definitely a good problem to have. so eventually the service ended and everyone got picked up, and after cleaning up I headed home. Commute home was fine, once I got here I had some lunch and was on my laptop for a bit before starting to get some work done, still doing case research so that’s at least preferable to writing for me, and I got 4 hours of work in so that’s good. I’m at 14 hours so far for the week from Friday to today, so to make 40 hours by the end of Thursday I gotta do 3 days of 6 hours and 1 day of 8 hours (or some similar combination) which is definitely doable, so I’m pleased with that. I finally stopped to watch the Teen Choice Awards, which I felt absolutely ridiculous doing, but I wanted to see Monsta X perform, so I stuck it out for them and was pleased with that. My roommate came home earlier than she normally does so we sat and watched it and mostly laughed at people. They ended up not airing like, the majority of the awards and ended it after two hours which was very strange. I could’ve sworn Monsta X got nominated for “Who Do You Love?” in like an international song category, but couldn’t find any proof of that anywhere, so idk. Of course BTS won every award it was nominated for, including best fandom, so no surprise there. Once it was over we watched the news for a bit and eventually my roommate moved to her bedroom and I turned to netflix and watched an episode of Sugar Rush before showering and starting to get ready for bed, and now I’m here. Ooof that was a long post, but I clearly had a lot to say. Hopefully tomorrow will be better emotionally and I’ll be able to figure out what I need to do going forward to take better care of myself. Until then, I definitely need to be getting some sleep since it’s just past 1 am at the moment, and I need to do at least 6 hours of work tomorrow, do laundry, and hopefully make a quick Walgreens run for face wash and milk, so plenty to do so I’m gonna go to bed now. Goodnight friends. Hope your Monday doesn’t suck.