#does this make sense. like i want my actual organized story writing all right there on the main screen

[umemiyan]

trying to organize some of my writing shit and it's like... i want something where my outline/ideas are in the same doc or w/e as my actual writing but not IN the text with my story does that make sense... like i want another "tab" or box or w/e to keep my random shit in but i don't think the ellipsus draft thing can function like that and this feels like a specific me problem but idk

[commanderyes]

The Commander Says Goodbye

I’m not going to lie, I’m extremely anxious as i’m writing this, out of what these news could mean to a lot of people, and my heart feels heavy enough it could drop down my ribcage any minute from now and squish all my other organs. But I’ve been dancing around this topic for a long time now, and I think i’ve finally reached a point where i can’t ignore it anymore, for my own sake.

I hereby announce Commander Yes has come to an end.

As I’ve mentioned plenty of times before, here and to many other people, when I began this comic all the way back in 2018 I was in a really bad, really low place in my life in every sense of the word, and it was a spur-of-the moment decision to cheer myself up, because Path of Fire had just released and my enjoyment of the game had reached fever pitch and I had been playing Guild Wars 2 alone since as far as launch, and none of my other friends had ever really gotten into it. I guess I just, dunno, cried out into the big maelstrom of the community, one voice amidst millions, because i wanted SOMEBODY to look at what i did and revel in the nerdery with me.

And somehow the snowball began to roll and people wanted more and more of what I could do, and I was being actively reached out to, and, well, some time after that I landed my first ever job, I discovered a lot of things about myself, and I found myself in communities that welcomed me with open arms, and many of the people in there have since become among the best friends I could’ve possibly encountered, kindred souls who i’ve shared joys and sorrows for many years and who I can’t imagine living without anymore.

And all the while I kept making the comics, and with every entry posted every week I’d keep having people stopping to comment on them, and whether they were dumb jokes or personal takes on the story, they’d all share how much what I do kept hitting them in the kokoro, and to this day whenever I play anywhere in the game I still get people who recognize me and thank me for doing what I do. It was wonderful, it IS wonderful, and seeing that response motivated me to keep going, because what did still mattered to people, out there.

But I did always say I planned to keep doing these comics until I ran out of energy for them, and I think i’ve finally reached that point.

Because ever since I actually landed that job I’m exhausted and sleep-deprived every other day, so much so that I only have time to work on the comic on saturdays and sundays, and it gets harder and harder to just sit and draw, and at that point it was just more work, and while I still enjoy and play Guild Wars 2 a lot, it no longer consumes my time and attention like I’ve used to and i’ve been having fun with more personal projects, and honestly the direction the story is taking these days does not sit right with me and it’s hard to find inspiration in that, and this might be borderline selfish but every year I find people care less and less about the comics and it really takes a hit to you motivation when hardly anybody responds after you’ve spent a whole weekend trying to squeeze a five-page comic out.

And, well, I have been doing these for six years straight, and I think that’s a good run. I’m tired, and ready to move on, at long last. Let it be someone else’s turn.

But that’s the beautiful thing about this community, isn’t it? Even if I’m hanging up the hat, there are a whole lot of fantastic artists out there, as we speak, still cranking out works of art, deserving of all the attention they can get. And think of all the artists yet to come! For every story that ends, another story is just about to begin!

The world keeps on spinning, one way or another.

I’ll be closing my patreon shortly after this, but the reddit archives and tumblr blog shall remain for people to browse whenever they feel like (or until they both go in flames, i guess, what social media isn’t about to these days)

I still don’t think I ever was that much of a big deal, but all the same, to everyone who’s ever supported me and helped me be the person I am right now, to everyone who’s been there from the beginning, to all the devs of this game that has captured us for nearly a decade now, to all my fellow players and artists out there

Thank you.

See you out there, fellow commanders. Still the stars find their way.

[yumeka-sxf]

Spy x Family Exhibition Pamphlet

I got my copy of the Spy x Family exhibition pamphlet! I wanted to make HD scans of some of the notable pages and try to translate if I can.

First off is this great "Main Character Correlation Chart" (sorry for my amateur editing, all I have is MS Paint!)

I love how Bond has a different "bofu" (woof) for Loid and Yor!

Several of the pages show the creation process of the manga, starting with rough sketches to final drafts, using chapter 1 as an example. There were a lot of pages for this, so I just scanned the ones that showed the end of the chapter.

Probably the most interesting pages of the pamphlet are the early character designs/concept sketches. Most of these have already been shared by @sy-on-boy on her post here, but I thought it'd be cool to have them in HD! Unfortunately, even with higher quality images it's very difficult to decipher Endo's handwriting. I could make out just a few words here and there, and Google Lens is very unreliable when the writing isn't clear.

The first page has early concepts for the Forger family, Loid, Anya, the WISE logo, and the Eden uniform.

Things to note are that "Oscar" was a working name for Loid, as was "Yolanda" for Yor. What's also interesting is that a beta version of Franky is shown along with the Forgers. Unfortunately I can't make out the notes about him, but I think this has significance because of a sketch on the next page...

Most of the next page shows concept designs for Yor, with a section for Bond and Yor's coworkers on the bottom.

However, what's really intriguing is the sketch in the upper right of the whole family, titled 疑似家族 (pseudo family).

Once again, a Franky-looking character is with them, and he has the title "Uncle" (叔父) Was an uncle originally going to be part of the main Forgers? Was he actually related to Loid or Yor, or if that character did eventually become Franky, maybe he would just pretend to be Loid's brother? I can also make out the word "otaku" (オタク) in the notes for this character as well as "enjoying life" (人生を楽しんでる) Also in the notes for beta Yor it looks like 最強 (the best/strongest) and バカ (idiot/dummy) All I can make out for Loid's notes are 孤独 (loneliness) I think? And what's up with the older and more sinister looking Anya? She really looks like Ashe there. But these are all just early concept designs/notes so I wouldn't take them too seriously.

The next page titled "East and West During the Cold War" has concept designs for Franky, Yuri, Fiona (referred to as a female WISE spy), a male WISE spy, Melinda, and various assassins from the cruise arc.

The first interesting thing to point out is the notes next to the very crudely drawn woman at the bottom of Yuri's concept designs. It says "Yuri's girlfriend?"(ユーリの 彼女?) though I can't make out clearly what the rest of it says. For the Franky designs, I could make out "tsukkomi or boke". So it looks like at some point Endo was deciding whether to make him more of a tsukkomi (straight man) or boke (wise guy) personality. There's also mention of giving him a high IQ (IQ高い). Also, the fact that the sketches include Melinda and the cruise arc assassins gives the impression that Endo had ideas for these story elements very early on.

But the character relationship chart in the lower left is really intriguing.

I'm not sure how accurate these translations are so take them with a grain of salt, but they do make sense to me. But I have to wonder why Anya and Becky are connected to Desmond. For Becky, it could be because her family has ties to the Desmonds, but why Anya? Could the "mysterious institute/lab" she comes from have ties to Desmond too? Again, these could just be early concepts from ideas that Endo is no longer using, so best not to take them literally. Also, the lack of Shopkeeper/Garden in the character relationship charts, the concept art, and the exhibition overall, really does portray them as a "mysterious organization" that Endo perhaps didn't plan out until later in the series' development and is still trying to figure out. But as far as this sketch, I have to say that despite how terribly crudely drawn all their little heads are, it's easy to identify every character...proof of Endo's top notch character design skills!

Another sketch that stands out is on the same page...

It's a very rough drawing of what appears to be either Loid holding Yor or Yor holding Loid with Anya next to them. But honestly it's such a rough drawing it could be any other parents+child. All I can make out of the text directly above is "My wife is stressed!? At this rate..." And the drawing next to it also appears to be two parents and maybe two children? I also have no clue what the "WJ4C 9/20, etc" at the top means. Very mysterious sketch, lol.

The next page has Eden related concepts, including Becky, Damian, George, and various teachers. The drawings in the bottom section appear to be an alternate/abbreviated version of how the Forgers met.

Pretty funny that an image of Franky is covering what's supposed to be a sketch of Demetrius. The text from Franky says "I can't show you this information yet" which is pretty solid proof that Demetrius will make an appearance in the series eventually. There's also nicknames for Damian and Demetrius in the notes - "Dami" and "Demi."

Some notes on the Eden page says there's 2,000 students in the school, with 13 grades divided into 8 classes/houses. The chart on the left is a list of teacher names and their classes, all of which are given names of colors. None of the teacher names have been used so far in the series.

And all that's on the last page of sketches is a continuation of the previous page with the early concept of how the Forgers started (it honestly looks pretty cute, wish it wasn't just rough sketches). And the following section looks like drafts Endo did for promotional material.

The final pages of the pamphlet are the new extra mission chapter which I already fully translated here.

And that's all I'm going to share for now from the pamphlet! I could spend more time trying to decipher the concept art notes but it was giving me a headache after a while, lol. But if anyone wants to try translating them, go ahead (I have higher quality png files of all the scans if needed...they were too big for Tumblr). And again, these sketches are just trial and error pre-serialization ideas that don't necessarily reflect Endo's final vision for the series, so I wouldn't dwell on them much other than for fun theorizing.

The pamphlet does have other interesting information, including an interview with Endo, a timeline of his work on Spy x Family and other manga, and his notes about random things from the series. So I might return to translating the pamphlet at a later date when I have time/motivation.

[angofwords]

hello. Don't know if this feels weird..

Based on the post you reblogged about villains, would you expand on Dino Golzine from banana fish? Where does all the actions of his come from?

Hello! Thanks for such a great question!!

I've actually been intending to write an essay about Dino Golzine for YEARS, so thank you for giving me the excuse to get to it. <3

Because you referenced the post about villains, I figure I'll take each of that OP's observations point by point and apply my thoughts about Dino. Bear with me, because this might be long. Also, it should be emphasized that I DON'T, IN ANY WAY, SUPPORT DINO. This essay might sound sympathetic in places, but it is not. I'm just trying to look at things from his point of view.

"They Should Believe They're the Hero of Their Own Story"

Dino Golzine may not believe he's a hero in a traditional way--he knows he's committing crimes, but I don't think he necessarily thinks that he's wrong. What do I mean? Think about any real-life mob boss. They're the head of a business organization. A family business, at that. He doesn't have family in the traditional sense, but he's got everyone calling him "Papa," so I'm sure he imagines that his staff are some kind of found family where he's the patriarch. It's a warm feeling, knowing that people look up to you, that they rely on you for their livelihoods.

Sure, his business is on the wrong side of the law, but that's just semantics--what are laws but rules set in place by other men? If Golzine's work is an asset to the community--he provides people with things they want (drugs and sex) and undoubtedly funds plenty of political campaigns and public works--then surely something as petty as law shouldn't matter. Sure, his sex business is a bit niche, but there's clearly demand, right? He's making cash hand-over-fist, so he's filling what would otherwise be a void in the market. If he didn't sell cocaine and boys, someone else surely would, so it's not like these boys would have a better life if he obeyed the law.

Hero or not is debatable, but the fact is, Dino is successful. He's strong. He's respected. These are the only heroic qualities that interest him.

"Give Them a Personal Code of Ethics (Even if Twisted)"

Yeah, Dino's code is absolutely twisted, but you can see that he has one. First of all, it's clear that he values decorum. He doesn't like it when Ash is dirty or rowdy or uses bad language. He doesn't like it when things happen that make him look bad (like when the head of the Corsican group decides to replace him because Ash has made a fool out of him). These aren't quite ethics, but they are a standard of conduct. Golzine has a reputation to uphold, after all.

Until he gets angry, Dino tends to be respectful with his peers (the senators, Foxx, Blanca) and even those he thinks are a bit beneath him (Dr Mannerheim). You might ask about the boys at Club Cod, about Ash himself. How is that ethical? Frankly, I'm not sure he considers those boys as human beings. It's like what Ash said, he treated him like a doll, that it never occurred to him that he had feelings.

I think that changes over time, in regards to Ash. Once Ash is his assassin, he develops some level of respect for him--at least enough to see him as a human being. Dino's respect for strength and skill is obvious. I suspect it was Ash's determination not to break at Club Cod (as well as his beautiful face) that inspired Golzine to pull him out, to keep him as his own. And even when Ash became willful and unmanageable, Golzine never killed him (though he threatened a lot), instead giving him an expensive education.

He doesn't let Ash get dosed with banana fish in the mental health facility. He also doesn't let Foxx kill him. We can argue motivation for those actions, but it seems his sense of ethics are a bit warped around Ash. Whether he's protecting him or he wants to destroy Ash himself (I honestly think it's the former), there seems to be line there that he won't let anyone cross.

Also, he fulfills his obligations to Yut Lung. They made a deal and Golzine stands by his end of it, killing his brothers for him. As a businessman, Golzine can honor a contract.

So, while this isn't quite an ethical compass, it's that same kind of structure. Golzine rewards the traits he values, and he probably really thought he was elevating Ash into someone respectable.

"Their Motivation Should be Relatable (Even if Their Actions Aren't)"

Okay, so here's where Dino fails for me. I simply can't relate to the smooth running of a criminal empire, and I doubt most of the readers can, either. I guess it's understandable that he'd want to develop banana fish for the pure profit of it. Still, his motivation being almost 100% financial is a bit gross.

However, if you bear in mind that this manga was written in the 1980s, when "Greed is Good" was a literal bumper sticker slogan, that might be enough to fulfil this particular rule. The '80s were a very different time, ideologically. Being a cutthroat businessman wasn't really considered a character flaw yet.

Also, as far as motivations go, it's understandable that he'd want Ash to take over for him, as he has no heir (and I suspect he'd be grossed out trying to get one the traditional way) and the whole point of this sort of organization is to keep it in the family. I honestly believe that, if he put all the "good" he did for Ash (luxuries, food, nice clothes, a well-rounded education, "rescuing" him from Club Cod) on one end of a scale and the bad stuff (rapey things, mostly, because I'm sure he felt that making Ash into a killer was a good thing) on the other side, Dino probably thought that Ash should've been grateful. I know, it's horribly disgusting, but seriously, that's the only read I can get on him.

"Make Them Competent (Nothing's Scarier Than a Villain Who Actually Wins)"

I don't think this one takes much thought. Dino is scary as fuck. In the beginning of the series, Ash is cocky around him. He's rude and disrespectful and it's beautiful. But I think that's all for show, like the way a teenager might push his dad, but that doesn't mean he really thinks he could take him. Golzine scares the shit out of Ash. All those years, and Ash never left New York? He could get on a bus and make a new life in Chicago or California, but he doesn't. I assume this is because he knows how Golzine would react. He doesn't spend the whole series trying to break free from a guy like this if it wasn't hard as hell to actually do it.

Golzine orchestrates so much truly heinous shit, like the whole situation surrounding Shorter's death. He's quick to punish Ash for rebelling, like when he lets him think he's going to let Mannerheim dose him with banana fish, and when Ash consistently gets the better of him, he uses his resources to hire someone who really can punish him (Blanca and then Foxx). He's relentless, and that's terrifying.

"Don't Forget Their Human Side--What Do They Love? What Are They Afraid Of?"

Dino doesn't seem to be afraid of much, but he's afraid of failure. When Corsica tried to have him replaced, he floundered for a minute. He rallied, of course, and got his position back (partly by murdering the guy who was sent in to replace him), but it was touch-and-go for a minute there. His impotent rage was rather humanizing.

What does he love? I'm going to start with the less-controversial things--he loves order, and luxury. He loves power. He has cats--not an easy pet for people who need obedience, so I assume he has a soft spot for them, too. He loves to hob-nob with powerful men.

Now, for the more controversial. I honestly think he loves Ash. Not in any way that is normal or healthy or even recognizable to most people, but I do think it's love, in the only way Dino knows how to love. He treasures Ash as something he's created, something he owns. It's narcissistic and gross, but I think that Ash is the only person on earth that Golzine wants near him. He reiterates over and over that he owns Ash, even goes as far as saying he'll make a "good wife" out of him. Dino wants Ash in his life forever. Ash is literally his favorite thing.

Before I get attacked for this--OBVIOUSLY Ash deserves more than that. It's insulting and disgusting and horrible to think that any person should be forced to live the way Ash has lived with Golzine, especially under the guise of "love." But Ash is the only humanizing influence on Dino, even if all we see is negative emotions. Ash is able to push Dino's buttons, making him alternately blind with rage and furious with envy. But imagine how soft he might get if Ash tried, even for a second, to be nice to him. I think Ash could have Golzine eating out of his hand, if he wanted. (But obviously, Ash is far too traumatized and terrified of this man to even see this as an option, which is ultimately better for Ash, because such a path would undoubtably corrupt him).

Dino Golzine works because he's larger than life. Not only does he wield an enormous amount of power, he has power over Ash. Ash is a god in this manga--he's the prettiest, smartest, most talented, most capable boy who ever lived--and yet, Dino Golzine has made him desperate enough that he's willing to climb on top of a badly-veering truck for a chance to finally kill him. That's a terrible plan and he knows it, but at that moment, it's all he has, so he goes for it. Dino is a classic, well-constructed villain who gets the work done basically every time he's on the page.

Think about why the fandom hates Foxx--he's an evil caricature and he adds no depth at all to the story. Compare that to Dino Golzine--we hate him because he feels real.

[thebreakfastgenie]

this is one (1) redeemable voucher to complain about AO3's tagging system (if you like)

Thanks for the voucher!

I probably should have phrased that post differently because upon reflection what I hate is more downstream of AO3's tagging system. The system itself does what it's supposed to do: it organizes the archive. Of course, users get cutesy with it (and I'm guilty of this myself) and other users will use inaccurate tags on purpose to get more attention (this is not acceptable behavior), but neither of those things are the system's fault.

But because the tagging system is so robust and fics are tagged based on tropes, this culture has developed of hyper-curated, trope-based reading habits. This didn't exist before AO3 because it just wasn't possible to filter fics to that extent. Some of my favorite fic reading experiences have been fics that I stumbled across by mistake because I didn't know what they were or because I had to comb through broader categories.

And this is where I start sounding like Ted Gup. Ted Gup wrote this essay in the late 90s called The End of Serendipity about how computers being so efficient at retrieving information was going to bring about the end of people stumbling upon topics they wouldn't have otherwise explored. I had to read and respond to this essay in English class in middle school and I raked Ted Gup over the coals, because I was writing on my laptop with dozens of open tabs. I still think I was right to point out Ted Gup's failure to foresee the wiki walk, but now that I'm older and technology has developed more over the last fifteen years, I'm starting to think he had something of a point.

I was thinking about this in a fanfiction and fandom context because I recalled a post I reblogged recently saying (paraphrased) "I have nothing against shipping but some of you are too focused on shipping to the exclusion of everything else." I agree with that post, but for me part of the problem isn't even the focus on shipping, it's that the shipping content is often so formulaic. Fandom talks a big game about diversity and creativity in fanworks, but a lot of the actual output I see is incredibly formulaic. In my opinion that's related to the extreme focus on tropes. Tropes are great, but if you're only looking at fic as a list of tropes you're taking a very narrow view. I don't know what the direction of causality is here, if there even is one, but I think the tagging system and the way the tagging system is used facilitate this reductive trope-based outlook.

I'm from the fanfiction.net era and I find the character and relationship tagging on AO3 useful, but I don't really care for the additional tags. I had to train myself to even read them. I prefer to select fics based on titles and summaries, because those are created by the author. Obviously writing a summary is very different than writing a story (and in fact it's a different skill and it's hard!) but a summary is still written by the author, so it gives me some sense of their writing style. When authors actually include an excerpt in the summary it does that even more. Tags can be useful in conjunction with a summary, because well-selected tags make me curious how all the elements listed in the tags fit together. But I don't want to sort by Enemies to Lovers or whatever.

I don't expect everyone to read like I do, this is nothing more than one crank's ramblings about my personal dissatisfaction with the current state of fandom. Maybe it resonates with someone, and if it does they're welcome to reblog it, but I'm not trying to do social commentary here. Maybe it doesn't, and that's okay too.

I also don't know if the trope focus on booktok and in the traditional publishing world comes out of fanfiction or not but it's even more distressing to me there and I think it bothers me in the fanfiction sphere because of the possibility that fanfiction is contributing to that trend.

[forestmossling]

@mia6363 said to come yell at them on tumblr if one so desired and i’m planning to take full advantage of that invitation.

and i guess usually i would yell, i do have a surprising affinity for incoherent all-caps key smashes, but it feels wrong to do that with this fic. i just lived seven years in a glass cell in a basement in one night, i don’t feel like being loud or wasting my breath.

this is genuinely one of the best fics i have read in my entire life. i even hesitate a little to call it a ‘fic’, because this doesn’t even feel like a byproduct of teen wolf, aside from the fact that all art in a way is a byproduct of something. for me, this is so much more than just twirling your blorbos and making them fall in love with each other again and again in a multitude of different ways (i respect that too, btw, i am a huge fan of blorbo twirling). this was a full, independent story that spanned so much wider and greater than what it came from.

i am absolutely obsessed with everything about the storytelling here. the way different parts of stiles’ life before captivity come together to shape his reality and actions during the captivity, and how they crashed and burned when stiles broke free and got to experience them again. how every step stiles takes, every decision he makes, is overshadowed with voices from his past, the way nothing he does comes from nowhere even if some of it took root before he could even consciously acknowledge the impact it had on him. and the way i, as reader, was immersed in this process, good fucking god. i almost took screenshots at some especially gut-wrenching moments, but i always ended up stopping myself from doing that, because even imagining somebody perceiving a part of this work out of context felt incredibly wrong for some reason. i’m probably being too reverent and over the top about this, but i also don’t fucking care, this is my sacred text.

and all the characters, just… yeah. i’m dead. satomi ito, they could never make me hate you or your beautiful husband. every story, every character’s motivation and psychological path throughout the story just made so much sense. i could see all of them so clearly and obviously, by themselves and especially when they came together. did i already say i’m obsessed?? because, as i write this, i just realize how much i’m fumbling my words because i simply have no fucking idea how to express the way the complexity, coherence and ingenuity of this work makes me feel.

and when i try to wrap my head around the fact that there’s an actual human being behind this story, my fucking brain explodes. HOW????? how is this man made??? how was this not woven together by the galactic matter since the inception of the world as we know it????? don’t even look at me, my brain is literally leaking out of my ears at this point, i’m so overwhelmed. in short, i feel about the author of this fic pretty much the same way any sane person in the fic feels about stiles. this is some true alpha shit right there.

i feel like there’s so much more i want to say but also nothing i could actually manage to put into words, so yeah. just. this is incredibly great and very cool👍 go read this immediately if you haven’t already OR ELSE. ♾️/10, there’s no other way around it. absolutely AM recommending.

[okkos-ferrum]

Unorganized helluva boss apology tour rant cuz I think I'm going crazy

Disclaimer, cuz I know helluva fans can get defensive: A lot of this is probably my subjective opinion. I'll state my tldr as my actual objective piece of criticism, but otherwise my gripes throughout this could be based on my tastes and expectations. I genuinely don't want to take away anyone's enjoyment of this show nor hate on anyone involved, so if u just want to enjoy helluva, totally skip this :]

I think I'll actually have to give my hot take here and criticize this episode, because everyone has given way too much praise for an episode I think - in the long run - hurts the show

Im not gonna even bother organizing my thoughts I'm just gonna rant, but to start, i think the decision to start the ep right after full moon chronologically wasn't the best move. The full moon episode cliffhanger was an impactful scene and a dramatic way to start the rift between stolas and blitzo. It's where the dam of two-ish seasons finally breaks, where to me, stolas and blitzo have already said everything needed to be said, at least at the emotional maturity they currently are at. Any changes in said conversation about their relationship would require growth from both separately in order to foster a healthy discussion.

So to undercut that tension by IMMIEDTLY having blitzo somehow wiggle his way back into stolas's private property to have both double down on their stance diminishes the weight new moon's finale had. The conversation, while it does add further clarity, feels repetitive and emotionally taxing to watch, because the show has literally zero scenes of either of them reflecting on the previous night. So it's just them starting up the same fight with the same talking points we already know.

Yeah, maybe it is in character for blitzo to demand a conversation after new moon, but it shouldn't have been the path the show took. It should've allowed the story to stew in the feelings brought out in new moon, both in a narrative and meta sense by taking a break from stolatiz.

Cuz honestly I'm a bit drained of it atm. The show sells itself on the premise of blitzo being a "boss" (a hell of a bos-) and him working with imp. But all of s2 has had this obsession with stolatiz ever since the popularity of ozzie's (for good reason that episode was amazing and one of my personal favs still).

Just abt half the eps in s2 carry an emotional weight around the stolitz relationship. (where s1 has stolitz is make out sessions and the occasional threat to their life, s2 takes it up to actual life or death situations and full backstories) . This increased tension and focus draws away from the intial episodic format to become a more serialized (and imo) melodrama abt the status of the stolitz relationship. Rather than concern itself over any of the imp characters and their emotions, helluva has made all of its emotional beats and stakes throughtout the whole season relate to stoltiz in some way (or it's parallel with fizz and Ozzie in ep 7).

To return back to the ep, I also take issue with its writing of verosika. I will admit that this could be subjective, as my partner, who loves verosika and was worried abt her writing going into the ep, enjoyed how the ep integrated her. But idk, I think it is so lame that an ep like full moon, which is marketed to be abt stolitz, is fine wasting its time writing the cherubs for 90% of the episode, while can't bother making verosika a larger character in her own ep.

Like she's a SINGER, but no she's back up for STOLAS'S SONG this ep. And it's not stolas's hasn't had the chance to sing love ballads before, he's got plenty. But no, the host of the party can't even be a duet to stolas, she's gotta be back up. Like it couldve been a way stronger connection between these two if they sang a duet, rather than the show AGAIN prioritizing verbalizing stolas's emotions again.

We get a full flashback to blitzo's relationship with both fizz and stolas, but nothing on his other significant relationship??? Just a line or two of how it went down and that's it??

Side tangent: It gets on my nerves how so many people are realizing now that verosika is not a bad person. Like it's clear from even in her intro ep in s1 ep 3 she's angry rightfully for how blitzo screwed her over. But now that she actually is being nice and forgiving to stolas and blitzo respectively, now she has earned the fandom's respect??? Like the amt of comments of "Oh wow, verosika isn't a villain, she's an anatognist" drives me insane

Like to me, this ep should've stepped away from stolas directly, and focus on blitzo and verosika. Have blitzo go back to ignoring his feelings by jumping back head first into business, now with the asmodeous crystal. Then bump into verosika somehow. However it may happen, verosika and blitzo, either angrily or calmly, reflect on their own past relationship at the end, which might have blitzo making a realization of how he is repeating his past mistakes. Use the episodic format to slowly allow blitzo to mature so the next time he meets stolas, he won't just double down like he did in the beginning of the ep.

I think, personally, the decision to have verosika host the anti blitzo party diminishes her as a character. It chooses to again define her by how blitzo hurt her, rather than touching on the other underdeveloped parts of her character. She has shown to be very petty yes, but to go through all this effort seems too much, since she is a pop star and should have better things to do.

Maybe explore how she, a succubus, who is meant to have primarily sexual relationships, goes abt on her day to day as a celebrity who went to rehab. Or her relationship with maybe knowing barbie. Or the other ways to explore the set ups for her in ep 3. But no, she plays second fiddle to her second focus ep for the stoltiz drama. But yeah sure, let's have full moon be abt the cherubs.

On a final and likely my most pettiest point, this ep made me cringe a lot. I'm sorry, this is very subjective of me, but I need to say it. So much of this ep felt like fanfic. Always hammering in how "he's a prince and you're an imp" kind of deal. Stolas getting overly drunk after taking a swig of one drink to have blitzo handle him being drunk. The million puppy dog eyes by blitzo, like it felt too pitying. The rushed pacing felt like a result of this indulgent kind of writing, where it priotizes creating the cute shipping scenes before thinking about the actual plot and its effect later on. Again, just my taste tho

Alright I think I ranted enough but ...

Tl;dr: Apology tour messes up the pacing and focus of the show by continously centering itself around the stolitz drama rather than allowing time to reflect by themselves

[duhragonball]

Chainsaw Man ch.1-4

Put the kids to bed, lock your doors, and grease your sprocket bearings, because July 31 was yesterday and that means it's

That's right, it's finally time to liveblog that popular manga series by Tatsuki Fujimoto, His and Her Circumstances. No, wait! I keep forgetting the name of this thing. Sorry. No, we're actually going to spend this month covering Chainsaw Man.

To be honest, I don't actually know a whole lot about this thing, except that it stars a man with chainsaws for his hands and face. And there's this spooky hot lady in it. That's... yeah, that's about it. Does his dick turn into a chainsaw too? Is the spooky hot lady underage? Well, I learned a long time ago that I'll never get a straight answer unless I read the thing for myself.

This was actually a recommendation from @rakruined way back in 2021. It's taken me this long to get to it, but suffice to say the internet buzz for this thing got my attention. I've seen cosplayers, discourse, reblogs of popular scenes, but none of it really makes much sense beyond "These are characters from a popular manga". So let's dive in and see if I can't form my own opinions.

I'm only planning to cover the first 97 chapters, because my understanding is that this was the first part of CSM and the second part is still ongoing. Also, I only set aside a month for this, and I doubt I can cover much more than a hundred manga chapters in that time. If this goes well, we might look into the rest of CSM in the future.

Now, before we get too deep in the weeds, I think we need to establish one thing up front. This is a completely new series for me, and I know nothing about this Tatsuki Fujimoto. It's all well and good to write a manga about chainsaws, but is he just doing this for a quick paycheck? Is he riding the wave of chainsaw hype? I guess what I'm asking is: Does he even like chainsaws? Or is he some phony?

Okay then. I think we can do business here.

So this story is about a sixteen-year-old boy named Denji, who is deep in debt. To pay it down, he sold one of his eyes, a testicle, and some other organs. He cuts trees for a living. Also he hunts devils, since there seems to be a lot of money to be made in that line of work. Unfortunately, it might still take a livetime to pay back what he owes, and he's stuck living in abject poverty until he does.

In one scene, Denji eats a cigarette for some spare cash, which he uses to buy enough bread to eat one slice a day. He's heard people put jam on their bread, but he can't even afford this.

Denji's only friend is a devil named Pochita. Shortly after Denji's father died and the Yakuza threatened to kill Denji unless he repaid a bunch of his dad's debt, Pochita wandered up to the gravesite. Denji resigned himself to debt, but noticed Pochita was injured, so he allowed Pochita to bite him, since human blood is supposed to help devil's regenerate their bodies. Denji called this a contract, where they would help each other survive. And with Pochita's help, Denji hired himself out to the Yakuza as a Devil Hunter to pay his debts.

But this not-so-cozy arrangement doesn't last. One night the gang takes Denji to some spooky lair to take down a devil, but they reveal it was a trap. The gang tried to make a deal with this devil for greater power, except this devil's power turns humans into zombie slaves, so it's not much of a bargain. Anyway, this devil sics his army on Denji and they chop him and Pochita to bits.

Huh. Well, it was pretty short, but the art was nice. I wonder if that lady was from some other series... Oh wait, we're not done.

At some point during their friendship, Denji told Pochita that if he ever died while Devil hunting, then he wanted Pochita to merge with his body. Or something like that. Denji only knows that devils can do that sort of thing, and Denji's proposing this because he thinks Pochita would be able to survive on his own more easily this way. So when the bad guys dump their remains in a dumpster, Pochita begins putting all their pieces together.

Denji wakes up to discover his wounds are healed. He even has his right eye back, and presumably that one testicle he sold. Also he's got pull cord sticking out of his chest, similar to the one Pochita had for a tail. In some sort of dream or hallucination, Pochita tells him that this is another contract between them. He'll be Denji's heart, and in return Denji will go on sharing his dreams with Pochita, because Pochita always enjoyed listening to Denji's dreams of a better life.

But the devil who killed Denji is still there, and he's pissed that Denji somehow survived. It occurs to him that the mobsters were just like him, even though they had a lot more money and power. They had aspirations for more, which led them to dealing with the devil who made them zombies.

But they clearly followed their ambitions to a bad end. Denji pulls the cord on his chest and turns into some sort of man-like creature with chainsaws coming out of him. A "chainsaw man", if you will. At first the devil thinks that means Denji is on his side, but Denji still considers himself a Devil Hunter, and killing all of these guys will wipe out his debt. I don't know if he means the payout for this caper will clear the debt, or if he thinks killing all these Yazuka-zombies will wipe the slate clean. Maybe both.

When the slaughter is finished, he changes back to normal, and is discovered by a different group of Devil Hunters. Led by Makima, these guys are with "Public Safety", so I assume they're a government agency, as opposed to civilian devil hunters like Denji.

Makima senses that Denji is somehow both human and devil, so she gives him a choice: Either she kills him as a devil, he can serve her organization as a human. She refers to him like a pet, which Denji seems to accept readily, because all he wants right now is food. She promises him bread with jam, and some other stuff, but honestly, she had him at "bread with jam."

True to her word, Makima takes Denji out for a meal, but before he can eat, a civilian shows up talking about a devil who abducted daughter. Makima doesn't want her noodles to get soggy, so she tells Denji to handle this alone.

Aren't noodles... supposed to be soggy? Like, the idea is to soak them in boiling water to make them soft. How much wetter can they get? I'm thinking of like chicken noodle soup here.

Anyway, Denji tries to object, since he's exhausted and starving, but Mikama insists. He's her dog now, and she has no use for dogs who don't follow orders. So he's got no choice.

It doesn't take long for Denji to find the girl and the devil, but the girl pleads for the devil's life, claiming they're friends, and her dad abuses her. Denji can sympathize, since he was friends with Pochita, after all. So for a little while he's conflicted, but he suggests that the three of them can run away together and escape from her father and Makima. But the whole thing is a setup. The devil was controlling the little girl with his powers and tries to ambus Denji. But he failed to consider one thing...

That thing is chainsaws. I believe it was Sun Tzu who wrote: "When setting a trap for your enemy, first make certain that he cannot turn himself into a monster with chainsaws for hands."

Denji succeeds in his mission, so Makima finally lets him eat. She even feeds him, since he's so worn out from the transformation. The noodles are soggy, but he doesn't care, because he's been living on bread this whole time. Also, he's got the hots for Makima, so working with her is a pretty cool arrangement.

Or it would be, except Makima takes him to their headquarters and assigns him to work with some dickhead named Aki Hayakawa.

It's around here that Makima's whole manipulation bit comes into focus. This isn't some one-sided infatuation here, where the girl has no idea how the boy feels about her. Makima is clearly aware of Denji's feelings and she's perfectly willing to use them to get what she wants out him. And she can get more out of him by constantly keeping herself just out of his reach. Oh, we're going to be working together all the time... well no we won't, you'll be spending most of your time working with my other subordinates.

It's a bait-and-switch that I find... Well, let's just say "surprisingly relatable". Denji's too young to know how this turns out, so he thinks if he goes through all the hoops he'll earn Makima's favor, except she has no interest in favoring him. He's just a curiosity, to be discarded when he's no longer compliant or useful.

When they're alone in an alley, Aki beats Denji up and tells him to quit. He can tell Denji's only in this because he's got the hots for Makima, and Denji admits it. Aki feels that Denji's not cut out for this work because his motives are too shallow. Only those with strong motivations and conviction can hack it in this business. But as Aki turns his back on Denji, he's forgotten one thing.

Knee to the groin.

Aki made a nice speech, but here's Denji's rebuttal: He actually got treated like a person today, which might seem shallow to some, but for Denji, it's a dream come true, and he'd go to any length to keep this new lifestyle going. Aki thought he could scare Denji out of this with a simple beating, but Denji got killed yesterday, so you're not gonna run him off with a few punches. Also, Denji's willing to fight dirty. I'm sure Aki has some kind of badass fighting style, but Denji's fighting style is to focus all attacks on the balls, and it seems to work well.

And this is why I'm not impressed with Aki as a character so far. He doesn't approve of Denji, and he's clearly intended to be a "rival" character, and he's very serious motivations for devil hunting, but so far he hasn't shown us anything that makes him worth having around. We've already seen people treat Denji like shit--hell, that's all anybody ever does in this comic. What makes Aki such hot shit?

Anyway, Makima wants Denji and Aki in the same squad. Aki's the leader of the squad, but Makima wants to pick a roster with a "unique experimental setup."

Their first mission together is to kill a fiend. This is just another devil, but one who has taken possession of a human corpse. Isn't that what Pochita did to Denji? Apparently not, Aki says, although how the hell would he know? I guess the difference is that Denji can switch back and forth between human and devil form, while fiends are stuck in this one form.

Anyway, Aki wants Denji to kill this fiend so he can see his devil powers in action, but Denji decides to decapitate him with an axe instead. Why? Denji says that his chainsaw powers are kind of painful, and he wanted to give this fiend a quick, merciful death.

Aki gets all pissy over this and warns Denji that he shouldn't waste any sympathy on devils. Aki also informs him that a devil killed his entire family in front of him, which is probably what got him so motivated to do this kind of work.

Aki leaves in disgust, and Denji reveals the real reason he held back: He wanted this guy's dirty magazines, and all that chainsaw-slingin' might have gotten blood all over the pages.

Denji reflects on his recent good fortune, and realizes that he still wants more, even though he's already succeeded beyond his wildest ambitions. What is his true goal? The other devil hunters and the police want to protect their families, and Aki wants revenge, and Makima wants... something, probably. What does Denji want?

He concludes the answer is to touch boobs. Now, I saw someone on Twitter the other day trying to paint Denji with the same "anime pervert" brush used for characters like Master Roshi. That misses the point. Denji is a teenage boy, an orphan living in a violent world, forced into indentured servitude to the Yakuza, and now forcibly recruited into Makima's group. Until now, the best he could hope for is some jam for his bread.

The joke with Roshi, tasteless as it may be, is that he's introduced as this "Invincible Old Master" who's advanced so far in the martial arts that he's above all worldly desires and concerns... except he's still a giant horndog like teenage boy. Denji is a teenage boy. It's not the same thing.

I should also point out that Denji, lonely and desperate as he is, recognizes that he can't just go up to Makima and ask to touch her boobs. That would be awkward, even if she likes him. That's something Master Roshi couldn't figure out for literal centuries. It's not the same thing at all.

What we're seeing here is Denji advancing up Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs. You know the one.

Usually this gets turned into a meme, where someone will color most of the diagram in and label it with something they like. But for Denji, he literally started at the bottom and he's working his way up. He achieved physiological safety when he met Pochita, who could help him kill devils and help him pay down his debts. He achieved safety when he merged with Pochita and Makima recruited him. Now that he's physically secure and has a meal in him, he's thinking about the next level: belonging and love.

I mean, he calls it "touching boobs", but come on. He's never been to school, his parents died when he was young, and he's been living hand to mouth for years. He doesn't know how to articulate any of this. That doesn't make him a bad person.

Anyway, Makima later introduces Denji to the next member of this squad, Power. She's a fiend, like the one Denji killed earlier, but she's part of this devil hunting group. Makima wants Denji and Power to work together as a team building exercise.

And Denji's fine with that, because Power has boobs, and he might find a way to touch them if he plays his cards right.

Overall, this is a promising start. I feel like I still haven't gotten to the true appeal of the characters yet, but I'm sure we'll get there.

[yuseirra]

Is it readable? :) I might organize this all properly someday; I've written so much that I might be overdoing it.

Until the author confirms anything, I can't really say for sure. But...

Kamiki's personality feels like something I could handle well—I think I understand it? This kind of personality is somewhat familiar to me. (I wouldn't talk about something this much if I didn't have a clue)

But if I'm on the right track, I don’t think he really did anything to Ai...

Honestly, what kind of story was the author trying to tell? What did they want to convey through this character?

If Kamiki were truly responsible for harming Ai, they absolutely should not have structured the latter part of the story this way! I found it so strange that I couldn’t help but think Kamiki isn’t the culprit in that regard. It’s just too out of sync. If the story had been written to point to him, it would have been obvious, but instead, it feels like the exact opposite. It seems like he wouldn’t do something like that—unless it was an accident. I think this was a intentional writing choice.

We need to know the extent of his responsibility to determine how much guilt should be assigned, don’t we? How could they just leave that unresolved? And honestly... it really doesn’t seem like he did it.(To me, at least) I feel like I’ve pieced together an outline of his personality, but there’s a gap in the middle...

If he really didn’t do much wrong (after separating from Ai and until her death), his personality has remained surprisingly consistent up to this point. He’s actually been living with almost the same personality all along.

When it comes to Aqua’s character...or any of the other characters in this series, I don’t overthink other characters to this extent. But with this guy, it’s frustrating because the author hasn’t shown us enough to know for sure. I can only speculate since they haven’t given us clear answers—it’s maddening and exhausting.

I also feel like I might not agree with other people's interpretations of this character, so I avoid looking at them... The situation being tied to such a heinous crime makes it stressful to think about, even though it’s just a story.

If the author wants to show that Kamiki and Ai really loved each other—and it does feel like they did—then they need to properly address Kamiki’s alleged involvement in orchestrating murder. What DID he actually do?? Why don't they confirm this? This isn’t even a seinen manga; it’s technically a shounen category, isn’t it? It’s just too harmful. They should give out a clear stance on how crimes like this should be handled...but he isn't really punished for having harmed Ai in the end. It's about not understanding her and for his other mishaps so; again, I think this is written like this for a reason but it's vague and unclear!!!; why???

From what I can see, Kamiki didn’t have the kind of personality to commit such an act at that point in time. But this isn’t something that can be left ambiguous, is it? The ambiguity itself feels like an indication he’s not the culprit, I guess.

I keep trying to sync my feelings with what he may have possibly felt when I make fanworks (though it’s not great for my mental health).

Kamiki’s personality has some very consistent and unique traits. As I mentioned before, he tends to accept and believe whatever others tell him at literal face-value.

Thus, he isn't inherently bad, but it does mean he’s vulnerable to becoming evil.

As you watch, you start to feel like this degree of influence isn’t human. A normal person wouldn’t change so drastically based on what others tell them. But Kamiki seems to shift completely depending on the people around him and what they say.

In that sense, Kamiki hasn’t really changed much since he was a child.

He’s a deeply pure being. By now, being over 30, he should be responsible for his own life—and I agree with that—but it seems like he unknowingly veered off course after taking the wrong first step, causing everything to fall apart. The point at which this started might not even matter anymore. Still, shouldn’t we at least know what he did or didn’t do and what he intended to do? This is a story, and he should’ve been more fleshed out!

I place a lot of importance on malice, and Kamiki surprisingly doesn’t come across as malicious. It feels more like he was shaped that way by what he learned and believed. At this point, he might have developed some malice, but it seems more like he became this way because of others’ influence rather than by his own doing. He feels like dough that was kneaded into shape by whoever handled him.

His nature doesn’t seem inherently bad—if anything, it feels good—but he was warped along the way. People can be influenced to a degree, but Kamiki feels like a blank slate. He could’ve become either an angel or a devil. His sense of self is weak, and while he might have some interest in morality, he doesn’t seem to question or doubt others much—he just believes what they say.

When he separated from Ai, it was likely for the same reason: he simply believed and accepted what she said, even though they had their shared experiences. If someone told him, “Carry the burden of the dead,” or “You’re empty inside,” he believes it. If he was taught to act a certain way, he’d try to follow that too. Even so... this is extreme, isn’t it?

He’s intelligent—probably very smart, based on how he’s written. But being clever and being wise or discerning are different things. Now that I think about it, Kamiki’s personality might be similar to Hatsutori from Cell of Empireo, who also trusted everything others told him and tried to become a "star(god)" for their sake.(and that guy was my fav from that particular series too o<-<) Oh hey, coming to think of it, that story is also all about being a "star" with it being linked to divinity. Wow.

Maybe Kamiki’s an INFJ? He’s incredibly emotional—definitely an F. Ai, on the other hand, seems more T-oriented, so she probably hurt him a lot with her words... He wouldn’t be able to respond strongly to her, either. Has he ever shown strong actions? Even when facing Aqua, he didn’t do anything significant. That’s just who he is, right? I didn’t think he’d ever attack Aqua or act aggressively, and I was right. He likely never saw Aqua as an enemy. In fact, he probably liked Aqua quite a bit.

He’s heavily influenced by others, has a weak sense of self, and bases his actions on what others tell him. He tends to adapt to the image others have of him, responding with, “Oh, is that so? Then I’ll be that way.” Ironically, this adaptability and responsiveness might give him a charismatic charm in certain contexts, drawing people to him.

This kind of existence feels almost godlike. Cult leader archetypes often have personalities like this. Once such individuals solidify a fixed image of themselves, they can move beyond being influenced by others to influencing others instead. (What’s frustrating is how many of my random guesses end up being correct. I joked that he might as well be a cult leader, and a chapter or two later, it seemed plausible...it was ridiculous)

Both Ai and Kamiki have traits that are missing in regular humans (like being unable to get angry) and others that are excessive(and being extremely benevolent and trying to accept everything). They’re unusual in some fundamental way.

Considering the hint about gods unaware of their divinity and other elements, these two don’t seem like ordinary humans. Their children being reincarnated with a mission suggests things. It feels like they were originally deities overseeing the entertainment industry, reincarnated to intervene, but something went wrong, and they ended up twisted in the process.

Ai is more capable in some ways, but they could’ve complemented each other’s deficiencies.

But they broke apart...

From the way I see it, they shouldn’t have separated. They would’ve been fine together—no, not just fine, they seemed perfectly matched, like a mythic pairing. It wasn't their problem that they broke up, it was more due to the external factors. I see them having been really content with each other. They do express such feelings, don't they.

(Adding this: I once analyzed Kamiki’s personality as someone who has a constant desire to give. That’s likely how he expresses love. Initially, he gave to everyone around him, but after meeting Ai, he decided to focus on her. He probably asked himself what he could do for her and acted accordingly, continually offering “something.” I think this “something” is supernatural in nature—likely “light.”

Unable to accept the loss of the dead, he seemed desperate to preserve her in some way. Given Ai’s career as a celebrity, he might’ve tried to immortalize her through “presence” or memory.

His actions probably stemmed from wanting to give her something, but if he still needed guidance at that age, it’s likely due to a poor environment in his youth shaping his worldview.

Maybe he wanted to give her something tangible but couldn’t, so he turned to more abstract offerings.

Still, I don’t think that’s all there is to it. As I’ve mentioned before, he probably did what he did because it was the only way he could truly reach Ai and feel her presence.)

The story undeniably contains supernatural elements. Without these elements, the story doesn’t hold up. Character analyses, motivations—none of it would make sense without them. This is something I keep pointing out, but I know... it’s often dismissed as unrealistic, which is frustrating. The story itself is frustrating!! It explains nothing! No matter how hard I think, everything ultimately depends on the author, so yeah..; sigh

This work makes me want to study psychology more;; I’ve never encountered a character who brings out so much analysis from me. This manga doesn’t provide clear answers, that's why!! So I keep writing about things to make sense of it. Normally, I’d stop after one or two posts and that'd be enough, actually, I don't even write posts, just having it in my head would be enough...

[thelongestway]

Well, what can I say? Here we go again. :P I haven't actually done as much pre-writing as I initially wanted, but at a certain point one it makes sense to just start writing and figure it out as you go. That's what rough drafts are for, anyway!

Early reflections: NE and SC mark a change in the tone of The Murderbot Diaries. There are more relationships and they are more complex; the pace slows down and there is quite a bit of exploration of trauma; SecUnit has learned to identify a lot more emotion and has lived its new life for quite some time; and in general the complexity grows.

As the third story in The Nameless Fanfic cycle is set immediately after System Collapse, the tone and complexity will likely shift accordingly, which means I might need to write larger chapters, slower. Also? Goddamn it, ART, I've had to look up its tone as much as I had to look up SecUnit's initially, and oh man is it not easy. We'll see how much editing I'll have to do afterwards.

(Also there's another oneshot story waiting for me to dig up the relevant info. :P)

But meanwhile - we are back to SecUnit's point of view! And, as is traditional, this third story doesn't have a name yet. But it does have...

Chapter 1: Crippled

The alien remnants really did a fucking number on ART's wormhole drive. By which I meant that even with the help of Holism and its humans, decontamination and repair were not going well.

"We've tried replacing the wormhole drive components," one of Holism's techs, Astrid, told the assembled humans in frustration. "But for some reason they just won't connect to Perihelion's wormhole drive subroutines properly, like they're incompatible now."

Seth had a deep frown on his face.

"I'm assuming we've tried just copying Holism's subroutines? What happened?"

"Something very strange. Do you know how you can't autopilot through wormholes because the ship needs to take in readings and do millions of minute adjustments even in the shortest jumps? The subroutines are designed to make sure the adjustments are prioritized correctly, as the wormhole medium is incredibly volatile. But it's as if Perihelion's whole way of interacting with the medium has been altered, somehow. The copied subroutines simply don't take right, and even if we forced them… I wouldn't be comfortable going into the wormhole relying on that."

The humans fell quiet. I could feel ART lurking in the feed behind me. It had been strangely silent throughout the whole conversation, running some sort of analysis in the background. Several of them, actually. (As usual.)

I pinged it. ART ignored me. I pinged it again.

I'm adjusting my analysis of time to the next mission deployment. It said. I cannot give you an ETA right now.

There was something worrying about the way it said that. 3,37 seconds later I understood what it was. ART was never apologetic. (Almost never). And it never sounded scared. (The last time it was terrified and desperate it just acted like even more of an asshole than it usually was.)

But now it sounded like that: apologetic and a little scared. Because, I suddenly realized, it wasn't a question of when it would be fixed. It was if it could be fixed.

"We're having trouble assessing the extent of the damage even from our station module, so it might be necessary to just tow Perihelion back to the university and do a deep examination there," Astrid said.

I felt ART lurch. There was no way it wanted to get towed back home by Holism, of all ships. There was no way it wanted to get towed back home, period. Especially if it didn't know when or even if it would be allowed out again.

I opened a feed channel with Mensah, Ratthi and Pin Lee (who had all been at the meeting too. Mensah in particular was listening with a frown similar to Seth's), and Ratthi dumped a message into it so fast that he must have been composing it for a while already.

We've seen this just a few months ago, right? Super fast organic wormhole drives? Do you think the Trellians could help?

It's worth a try, Mensah said thoughtfully. But our non-disclosure agreements present a problem. We can't tell the University's crews about Trellian ship speeds directly, and neither can we tell the Trellians about Perihelion.

ART knows about Dandelion, I said. And about her wormhole speed. I gave it data for comparison when we were analysing the situation.

Mensah and Pin Lee both frowned at me.

Does its crew know? Pin Lee asked sharply.

No, ART said, inserting itself into our channel. It wasn't needed. And SecUnit told me it was private data.

Hello, Perihelion, Mensah said. You knowing does make some things easier. What do you think about asking the Trellians for help?

Their technology isn't alien. ART said. I estimate the chances of their analysis being helpful at sub-20 percent. It paused. However, I estimate the chances of the university laboratories being helpful at sub-5 percent, as there are no records of anything similar in university databases. The most likely outcome is a complete refitting of my wormhole navigation systems.

That's if you're lucky, I said.

It's the most likely outcome, ART repeated.

I see. In that case, I may have a proposal for you and your crew, Mensah said, drafting some text in the feed and pinging Pin Lee to look it over. Pin Lee approved.

ART didn't say anything.

Mensah spoke up:

"If I may. Preservation Alliance has recently signed a research collaboration treaty with a non-corporate polity. While there are certain details that I cannot divulge without approval from the other party, I would like to say that it may be beneficial for their technical specialists to take a look at Perihelion. From preliminary data we've exchanged, I think they may have encountered something similar at one point, and they have had some time to study it."

Seth raised an eyebrow.

"Which polity?"

"Starwind Accord." When that didn't ring a bell, Mensah explained: "They're located fairly far off, but one of their research ships should be in the area right now. We can provide a meeting site, and if we send a message to Preservation Station ahead of our coming, I think they will be able to meet with you within a month's time."

"It might be worth a try," Astrid said to Seth. "This will be risky for Perihelion no matter what, so even a scrap of information would be helpful before trying to fix this mess."

ART bristled in the feed. Silently.

I said to it,

Worldhoppers?

No, it said and went back to its analysis.

---

ART was still sulking in the evening, so I did the obvious thing. I told Iris about it on a private comm channel.

I see, she said, then tapped ART's feed.

Peri, SecUnit and I are going to watch Cold Sleep Explorers from the beginning. Come watch with us.

That got its attention.

SecUnit and I are watching that one already. ART said.

We had actually started on it a little earlier. It turned out that the early space exploration show I'd picked out for its mix of realism and fun was pretty popular on Mihira, and ART had wanted to see it through my filters. Right now, though, even that was a little too realistic for what we usually watched, so we'd set it aside.

Iris insisted:

So? I haven't gotten to play 'real or made up' with it yet, and I want to before you spoil it on everything.

SecUnit has no educational modules on history. ART said sarcastically. It will not be a fun game.

Yes, it will, Iris said to me on our private feed. The game is called 'how quickly we can get Peri to correct us.'

To ART, she said:

Well, you're welcome to join anytime. We'll be in the lounge.

A couple of minutes later we were actually sitting in front of a screen. (It was the first time I was watching a serial on a screen together with a human. Who was eating bits of synthetic protein of various flavors from a large bag.) As the opening narration started, Iris turned to me:

"So, SecUnit. Long-toed blood dolphins. Real or made up?"

"Horrible planetary fauna," I said. "Real."

"Wrong." ART said to us both. "They were not horrible."

Iris winked at me.

"Peri," she said in mock indignation. "Since you're here, you get the hard question. Exodus phenomenon: real or made up?"

"It is an early human model of space exploration with limited accuracy." ART said. "The dichotomy is irrelevant."

"That's not how the game works. Real or made up?"

ART thought for a moment, then answered:

"The model accuracy is 33,5% below usable threshold. Made up."

[thekingofthenameless]

What's going on honey <3 sending love

Thanks anon 🥺❤️🫂

It’s mostly because of an argument that I had last night with two people… and it started with one question after I’d started writing because I was trying to be accurate: “Do you think a kid who’s nervous would presume their stomach dropping might be something they ate?”.

I don’t know how to write kids. They’re my Kryptonite.

But at least I’m trying, I guess?

Anyways, I asked, saying that I thought that the “kid” (who doesn’t count as one, apparently, because he shouldn’t have a human thinking process), was about mentally five-ish, if not physically.

Then when I apparently didn’t make it clear enough, I sent the passage:

Then she sighs softly, gently placing him on her stomach once she moves to lying on her back. “…First off, I’m not trying to overstep here, or scare you, all right?” He trills nervously, stomach twisting. Was that because of the milk? What could she be talking about?

And got Person One saying “that doesn’t sound realistic” and Person Two saying that “I couldn't tell that was what was happening from reading this excerpt honestly”.

Also I’m overestimating how smart a five year old is, and a five year old would definitely be talking by then. YEAH, NO SHIT. BUT HE’S PHYSICALLY A BABY.

Charlie is mentally five-ish okay. He’s only a year old in dragon years and fifty-five chronologically.

This is my current explanation for how dragons age: ⬇️

Despite the differences between the two subspecies, as a whole, they age one physical year every fifty-five chronological years. At a year old [fifty-five], they’re still too small to open their eyes. Five years later [60], they’ve opened, but their teeth haven’t grown in yet. Ten years later [70], they’re able to be weaned off milk. At two years old [110], they’re able to speak. From there, the main changes are their bodies slowly changing into adulthood. They become full adults at five years old [two hundred seventy-five].

And he like ages mentally before his body, okay? Does that make sense?

No. Person One: “that sounds horrific”. It’s how all of them age??

Person Two: “Can I be honest. The brain aging faster than the body doesn't make sense. Like it wouldn't be able to learn anything because it’s ears and eyes would still be closed”.

Person One: “yeah he’d basically just be a blank slate until he gets his senses”.

Person Two: “Meaning you wouldn't talk to him in full sentences. Especially not like ‘pardon me my good man but I've come to the realization that I haven't a clue on what to call you!’”

He’s a dragon. What’s not clicking.

Then they kept critiquing my version of events because they didn’t read the chapter, so I had to send it. Person One: “yeah like the second you find a baby alone you’d want to comfort them”. No shit?? The baby was already found?? He’s already at home with Merlin. Person One: “shut up”. Bro I’m literally trying to explain since you’re not understanding.

Anyways, here’s the chapter, because he’s too smart for his age even though I actually reread it and still liked it, a rare thing for me:

Person Two: “Just finished it this baby is wayyyyyyy too intelligent”. What am I supposed to do? It would be nothing otherwise. I deliberately made my writing simpler, and it wasn’t good enough at all.

Person Two: “And the baby would definitely not understand what a name is”. Okay, fine. Sorry Charlie’s easier to write for some reason. Sorry for still liking some writing when I thought I wouldn’t.

Person Two: “So he doesn't know what hands are but he can fully comprehend the day and night cycle and the concept of things having names?” Yes, because he’s never met a human before!! I was thinking his mom told him!! She explained things to him since he can’t see and she remembers what that was like!!

Person Two: “If he can't see he wouldn't know what paws or birds or night is”. I just said?? He can try to imagine!! And he’s certainly felt her paws before!!

Person One: “istg aging this slowly has to be a fucking nightmare. according to you he’s been stuck like this for at least 50 years”. That’s how they age!! We’ve been over this!!

Person Two: “You used to be a baby too and you still don't know what it's like”. They’re dragons!!

Person One: “just make him age faster you idiot. 50 years is way too long to be a baby for”.

Me: “55”.

Person One: “shut the fuck up”.

Then they both had typos, which were actually pretty funny, but once we stopped laughing, we went right back to where we were.

Person Two: “As funny as this all is let's not get distracted by the fact that none of what Joy wrote makes sense”:

Like what am I supposed to do? Write a blank slate? Pages of nothing?

Person One: “actually if you think about it newborn babies aren’t the only children who get abandoned. it sucks to think about but it’s true”.

Me: “He’s not a newborn”.

Person One: “he basically is according to you. and yet hyper intelligent”.

They brought up newborn animals like sea turtles, and I tried to say that he’s not those types of animals; dragons age really slowly.

Person Two: “But that's the thing. You can't be smarter than what your body allows”.

Person One: “yeah. that’s not how it works”.

I tried to bring up Wings of Fire and Warrior Cats to be like: “Hey, I’m not the only one who’s done this lmao.”

Person One: “how about i hit you with a hammer”. Okay…

Person One: “quit using examples from other media to validate your ‘point’ you stupid bitch it’s your own story”. Fine, sorry.

Person One: “bodies and brains age at the same time it’s just basic logic. my suspension of disbelief isn’t going to work here regardless of what you say”.

Person Two: “Babies do technically have genius level of intelligence but because they are literally infants they still don't know anything. It just means they learn fast”.

Person One: “they don’t have knowledge from the get go lmao they have to learn from adults”.

Person One: “why are you so attached to this bullshit aging system”. Because I built it!! I’ve had it since July!!

Person One: “ok well that’s stupid”. Wow, thanks!!

Person Two: “I make shit all the time and you don't see me stick with it”. Yeah, so do I!!!

Person One: “you’re not sticking to your other “shit ideas” so why this one”. I’m trying to stick with something for once!!

Person One: “can’t you just admit this aging system is stupid and move on”. No!!

So then I got dealt a fucking low blow: Person Two: “Remember your spiderverse intro? You discarded that idea so why is this one different?”

Me: “That was pure fucking cringe dude!!”

Person One: “yeah no shit. so why isn’t this”.

Person Two: “It proves that you are willing to scrap bad ideas so why is this time any different?”

Started taking to another friend who was active, and he basically said what I said!!

“i mean babies think stuff and know stuff, they just don't always have the words for it yet???? so it could be considered like, his thoughts how you type them aren't in-universe, it's more to get the idea across. which is how i was interpreting it tbh”.

I hadn’t thought of that before, but I thought it was interesting.

“if you typed it how he was actually thinking then it'd be like-

'scared'

'merlin <3'

'happy'

or something idk. but that'd be pretty boring to read”.

When I showed them that: Person One: “what are you yapping about istg”.

Person Two: “Then write something new dingus”.

Person One: “exactly. i literally said you could write one where he’s older???”

I was trying to write something new before this all started!! I wasn’t planning on retconning shit!!

Person One: “hyper intelligent babies don’t work dude”.

Me: “What do you want me to do rewrite this a third time damn”.

Person One: “jfc i meant as a concept”.

Person Two: “The writer for game of thrones took decades to write. You'll be fine if you have to either rewrite this again or completely scrap it”.

Me: “And GoT was DOGSHIT so….”

Person Two: “Read the chapter you sent us lately?”

I was pissed, of course, and got told to shut up by Person One. But his defense was: “I was trying to say it in a nicer way but you didn't accept it”.

Person One: “can’t you just scrap it and move on oh my god”.

Me: “I was literally trying to do a continuation of this”.

Person One: “and it’s the same concept. hyper intelligent baby. lil bro would not know what names are or what they mean”.

Me: “He’s a fantasy creature!!! Why does it not make sense!!! You say do floating islands but then you can’t accept this!!!”

Person One: “oh my god that was ages ago i don’t care about those anymore”.

Me: “😒”

Person One: “and floating islands are cool. super smart babies aren’t. they’re already way too common”.

Person Two: “Boss baby”.

Person One: “exactly”.

Me: “Okay so I was apparently being too realistic when thinking about Charlie’s weight and now when I suspend disbelief it’s dogshit??? Fuck you guys”.

Person One: “yes because weight doesn’t matter and intelligence does”.

Sent them more evidence from my friend: “ok ok so lets say he knows zero words for argument's sake. he'd still know what things are, he just wouldn't think the words in his head, but rather would just like. imagine an image or something. you're literally just putting these images into words that are more engaging to read and capture these vague thoughts and feelings he's having. do they not get that”.

Person One: “oh my god can’t you just write him at an age where he’s smart enough to know this shit. problem solved”.

Person Two: “I seem to remember saying you were making him too light but I don't remember saying weight doesn't matter. I might've said that but I don't remember it if I did.”

Person One: “yeah. it wasn’t IMPORTANT unlike intelligence”.

Me: “Hollow bones now anyways, like dinos. So they can fly”.

Person One: “you mean a fucking bird”.

Me: “Dinosaurs had hollow bones too dipshit”.

Person Two: “also a mammal wouldn’t have those lmao.

so? they didn’t fly. bats can fly and they don’t have them”.

Me: “What the fuck is everything I do dogshit”.

Person One: “not to be rude but your biology is a fucking mess”.

Person Two: “When you're writing a fantasy you kind of have to pick and choose your battles when it comes to explaining things and saying ‘magic oooohhh’ and floating islands are okay and hyper intelligent babies make me go ‘okay buddy’”.

Person One: “you genuinely need to research this shit”.

Person Two: “You have great ideas and some not so great ones like everybody else”.

Me: “Do you want me to write a fucking version where he actually thinks for his age? Huh?”

Person One: “YES BUT NOT AS A BABY?? I SAID THIS THREE TIMES. it’s kinda poor execution too so that doesn’t help”.

Me to Person Two: “Fuck off you never think my ideas are great”.

Person Two: “Trans representation is always a great idea”.

Person One: “based”.

Me: “Oh gee, thanks, I guess. is that it”. I love trans Merlin, of course. I was just pissed.

Person Two: “No but I can't think of the words for what I was gonna say next.”

Me: “Oh wow, thanks”.

Person Two: “Look I'm stupid we all know that”.

Me: “How fucking old would you want him to be then if not a baby?”

Person Two: “The equivalent of a toddler would make sense”.

Me: “So like the way I had it???”

Person Two: “Nope. Physical toddler”.

Person One: “him being both dude. physical and mental”.

Me: “Bitch is that a toddler mentality with the writing I already did because I think it is”.

Person Two: “He'd only have a toddler mentally if his senses would be at a point where he can learn things and currently no he can't”.

Me: “He’s basically a blind toddler isn’t he 😐”?

Person One: “you could have him as a physical toddler and still be considered a newborn by dragon standards if they supposedly age so slowly”.

Me: “He has all his other senses”.

Person Two: “Nope he's a newborn”.

Me: “Does he not act like a fucking blind toddler in the chapter or not is my question”.

Person Two: “If his eyes are supposed to open later like cats than he's more physically a newborn”.

Me: “He’s not a fucking cat entirely”.

Person Two: “As ominous as this sounds:

He knows too much”.

Me: “It’s why his parents abandoned him”. (That was a joke.)

Person One: “what”.

Me: “It was a joke???”

Person One: “how the fuck was i supposed to know that”.

Me: “Because they didn’t abandon him for that reason”.

Person One: “considering how often you change things can you blame me”.

Me: “Did you read the fucking chapter or not? They literally abandoned him for being a runt”.

Person Two: “For the record I knew it was a joke”.

Person One: “not much of it past the first lines because bro was too smart and i couldn’t do it”.

Me to Person Two: “Thank you”.

Me to Person One: “Fuck off”.

Person Two: “Sheesh at least I read the whole thing”.

Me: “Fine if we wanna get real technical I didn’t say how they age mentally in the worldbuilding post.”

Me: “How old would you say his fucking mental age is? I said five”.

Person One: “hey i thought you were on my side”.

Person Two: “You gotta know the thing you're arguing about to make a good argument”.

Person One: “ok true”.

Me: “Oh no wonder her arguments have been so bad”. (It was past midnight at this point. The argument started at 10:56. I was petty.)

Person One: “fuck you”.

Me: “You roast me I fucking roast you bitch. Get a dose of your own medicine”.

Person Two: “I'm saying that even if he's mentally five or whatever if he can't see he wouldn't know some of the things he knows”.

Me: “I was thinking maybe his mom told him like I said if she knows his mental age. Cause they all age like that. Without me saying he’s mentally five just say what age he’d sound like”.

Person Two: “Thinking in full sentences like that? Maybe around 8”.

Person One: “um can’t you just do this”. (Physical toddler thing.)

Me: “Okay then that’s all I’m asking”.

Person One: “like aging standards could vary by species lmao”.

Me: “I already wrote him blind bro. I was trying to do that!!! FUCK”.

Person One: “what”.

Me: “That’s why I did the dragon thing!! I was thinking they didn’t just have different standards they actually aged differently!!!”

Person Two: “I've seen a video of a blind person talking about being blind and they say a lot of people ask if it's just darkness and the blind person says "I can't see darkness it's just absolute nothing". Which is why I'd say Charlie could have something explained to him and still not know what it is”.

Person One: “um yeah aging differently is fine it’s in fantasy all the time but your execution could be better”.

Me: “I am going to drop kick you”.

Me: “I just see black which to me is darkness??”

Person Two: “He wouldn't know what black is”.

Person One: “they wouldn’t know what darkness is dipshit”.

Person Two: “He wouldn't know what black is”.

Person One: “are you stupid you’re missing the point”.

Person Two: “He couldn't understand what darkness is”.

Me: “I’m saying my pov not his 😐”.

Person One: “god joy. THE POINT IS THAT HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND YOURS DUMBASS”.

Person Two: “It's a step further than that. He wouldn't be able to comprehend it”.

Person One: “yeah exactly”.

Me: “Okay fine what the fuck do you want him to not be blind. Fuck.”

Person One: “this is giving me fucking brain damage”. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?

Person One: “uh yeah i said this??”

Person Two: “Maybe we should put this conversation on hold until we sleep or something”.

Me: “YEAH FUCKING SAME. I WAS JUST TRYING TO WRITE DUDE”.

Person One: “what i meant by aging standards was he’d be a toddler in human standards but to a dragon it would be like he just hatched”.

Me: “I know!!!”

Person One: “no you don’t”.

Me: “But Micah says he’s like mentally eight so that wouldn’t work according to you!!!”

Person Two: “Y'know what it'd be better if we pretended this conversation never happened”.

Person One: “i mean literally in both physical and mental form??”

Me: “We’ve been arguing for over an hour are you fucking kidding me!!!”

Person One: “i’m gonna kill myself”.

Me: I KNOW

Person One: “DO YOU. i have a fucking headache”.

Me: “He’d have to be like mentally and physically eight!!! According to him!!”

Person Two: “I'm taking initiative. Goodnight my love. Goodnight big dawg (Person One)”.

Person One: “SO WHAT. THAT COULD STILL BE A BABY IN DRAGON STANDARDS”.

Me: “What the fuck are you kidding”.

Person One: “night bro”.

Me: “Well how the fuck is he supposed to age now!!”

Person One: “oh my god i can’t do this anymore”.

Me: “I had a system and it’s dogshit so give me a fucking new one”.

Person One: “um infantilization. like he’s not literally a baby but he is according to ancient dragons”.

Me: “Oh yeah then what am I supposed to about this too 😐”. (Dragon aging system previously mentioned.)

Person One: “this math doesn’t sound right but i don’t have the energy to figure it out right now”.

Me: “Wow thanks”.

Person One: “you wanted my opinion on your stuff then get mad when i give it”.

So. That’s where it ended until I began attempting yet another rewrite. An hour and twenty-seven minutes of stupid arguing.

If you understandably didn’t want to read all that anon, it’s basically this: Charlie, who’s who’s physically a baby but mentally five = no go. Unrealistic. Dogshit. Doesn’t make sense at all. My worldbuilding sucks.

I’m so tired.

And I keep flip-flopping on what to do now, so I might make a poll, but knowing them they’ll rag on me for that too because “I can’t make my own decisions”. I even got ragged on for making the post that made you concerned (and thank you. It means a lot): “girl are you serious 💀”.

So. Yeah! I’m fine!

[pahrak-the-sinnoh-slizer]

Watching a video about Mata-Nui Online Game and how it established the sense of mystery that defined Bionicle, and one thing led to another…

I think that “mystery” is a big part of why I latched onto Bionicle, but like.  Taking a very specific angle on it.  There were all these questions and hints and a vague sense of “more”, and as the story continued and more was revealed, it was like learning about this world in real-time, like we were scientists or explorers studying something newly-discovered.  I think this is why I never understood people who lamented the answers ever being revealed: we had finally made a breakthrough, fundamentally changing our understanding of the subject, and what do you mean you don’t like it??  I kind of get it nowadays, but this a tangent I don’t want to keep following right now.

And I think this is also the angle I took with other things I really loved as a kid, like Pokémon and Kingdom Hearts: mysteries everywhere, so many questions, so much to study and learn! (Also categorize; Pokémon and Bionicle both have expansive but structured “sets” of information in a way that goes brrrrrr but that’s a whole topic in and of itself.) Of course, Pokémon commits hard to not giving a clear answer on anything, an approach that has its merits but I also find frustrating; and Kingdom Hearts does…whatever you call that. (“Narrative edging” feels apt.) But Bionicle felt like actually, progressively learning about something as it expanded—it was, ironically, more “organic” in a sense.  G2 adopted something closer to Pokémon’s approach, I think, but G2 discourse tends to devolve into slander rather than actually examining its strengths and weaknesses so—ANYWAY

Naturally I started to think about how I could go about instilling “mystery” into my own work, and then it kind of hit me that this might actually be the key to some of my struggles with writing.  What I want out of a fictional world is a mystery I can slowly study and learn about; when making my own world, there is no mystery for me, and I’m more like a teacher than a student.  This may be why I have such difficulty actually filling in details and plotting out middles: I’ve learned to, well, learn these things, not dictate them.  Sure, my fanfiction usually puts forth specific possible answers as THE answer, but that’s more like…presenting my findings and arguing a thesis, I guess.  A demonstration meant to convince others to share my theory.  Having to actually be the one building the world in the first place feels like coming at all of this from the opposite direction I’m used to, and that leads to writer’s block, which leads to anger, which

If true this could explain a whole lot.  Not sure what to do with that information, though!

[lover-of-mine]

I love your last answer because it matched my musing today on the treadmill. Buck always had to go first because his was always easier. He was raised by Maddie. Despite people hating the parents I actually don't think they are homophobic. I was also raised by waspy white parents. Maybe they might have thoughts or what not but I don't think it was talked about. No religion. Traveled all over. He's always been love is love is love. That's why Tommy's plot point moment with the ash kiss face made me laugh because it served 2 purposes. Showing Buck comfortable kissing and letting everyone know. Which was basically confirmed by Oliver hinself..

Eddie's story was always going to be more complicated. He was married to a woman he has romanticized the idea of. Grew up with religious guilt. Where Buck bailed on the seals he stayed in the Army. His story was never going to be told in 2 episodes. It involves deconstructing, also what Ryan had said.

Last note I don't think Eddie would fit in dating around with guys the way you could have Tommy pass by in Bucks life. Like I can't see it play out the same. Does that make sense? When Eddie realizes it's basically going to be Buck. Not sure if I worded that right. But it just wouldn't be organic.

I think Buck's parents just don't like anything that goes against the perfect nuclear family, and I think that's backed with the way they literally ran away from judgment, the way they abandoned Maddie, the way they treated Buck, so, yeah, I think the scene is less oh they are homophobic and more this turns away from my idea of a perfect family, I'm with you in that interpretation. And, like, Buck has a much more straightforward relationship with relationships and sex in general, so a guy grabbing and kissing him works. Eddie, sure, he is a character who had panic attacks at the thought of life with a woman, so pushing him towards a guy and saying surprise, he's gay, he was just repressed, could work but it would only take him so far. For the consequences for the people around him but also because of Eddie's relationship with himself. Buck doesn't know how to label shit, so he needs things spelled out to him in a way Eddie doesn't. I don't think you can present the idea of attraction to men to Eddie and not have him attach those feelings to Buck because Eddie understands his own feelings, he just ignores them. And realizing he's attracted to men would force him to look around himself and Buck is one of the most important people in his life, he is one of the most important relationships in his life, he would make that jump, and there's the catholic guilt, the expectations that were placed on him, the way he is still romanticizing Shannon, the way he keeps making romantic decisions based on Chris not what he wants, it would never be straightforward. I would never be as simple as having a guy kiss him. So Eddie figuring out he's queer has to make buddie canon, even if one-sided. But also because, in a scenario where Eddie just gets a boyfriend before Buck figures out he's bi, Buck would have a lot of emotions, and Buck is LOUD with his emotions, it's not the type of thing he would be able to control (I mean, Eddie made a friend and Buck almost broke his leg in the confusion), and that means they would either have to trip Buck into the realization himself, end up making Buck seem homophobic, or make someone confront him and guide him to the realization. And in this scenario, if Eddie confronts Buck, that conversation ends with them making out. The show doesn't let them talk about who they are to each other because there is no realistic way to write that conversation that doesn't end with them confessing their feelings or at least shoving the other against the nearest surface. And I think you're right, Eddie was not presented as someone who dates around, not in the way Buck was, that dude wants to be in a long-term relationship, he would get kissed by a dude, like it, then be like, cool, imma go see if my boy bestie wants to marry me, because Eddie is too self-aware to be able to pretend what he has with Buck is normal if he knows he's into men. I also think Eddie would not let himself be kissed by a guy out of nowhere, a guy who's not Buck at least, I think if Buck just kissed him he would go with it, but there's a level of conversation that needs to happen there that didn't fit the plot they gave Buck, it's easier to let Buck go first, slam him into the attraction to men and let Eddie walk towards his queer arc because queer Eddie needs queer Buck first unless they wanted to speedrun buddie. Which they clearly didn't lol. Eddie has a too complicated relationship with romantic love and attraction for his arc to be that straightforward.

[queers-gambit]

i'm purely curious what the difference between regular requests and sequel requests are? no shade or anything!!! but i'm wondering why you specifically opened requests to sequels - like, aren't they technically "just" requests?

personally, i'm a big fan of all you write. your prose, syntax, and alliteration are all impressive in almost every fic. your allegory might not be for everyone to understand, but i've actually learned a lot from it in terms of how to identify, interpret, and even write my own. so i personally don't understand the discourse over sequels. like that anon who asked if you reject their sequel request, can they write it - that just screams ungrateful and entitled to me. we should be happy with whatever content fic writers CHOOSE to spend their time on and publish FOR US.

but hey - that's just my two cents. i'm sorry that was like a word dump, just somethings i've been thinking about as i work through your masterlist.

hope you're doing well and these requests aren't too stressful!

wow, sweetheart, you really broke out the literary terminology on me. i'm both flattered and impressed!!

to answer your question, to me, yes, there's a difference.

when i write any sequel organically, it's because when writing the OG fic, there's a seed of inspired continuation. there's something i want to explore, perhaps even a resolution i'd like to achieve. HOWEVER, if i do not to write a sequel, that's a conscious choice; i have decided the fic does not NEED more. so if i say "no part two" or "no sequel", the storyline has already moved out of my head and i'm focused on other stories. so i typically do not accept sequel requests until i want them because it's frustrating revisiting a fic with the intention of continuing when i genuinely have zero want or drive to do so. but peer pressure is real.

so requests are authentic ideas. sequel requests are building off a story i've already written. both require a different thought and writing process.

does that make sense? i promise in my head, it does.

anyways. thank you kindly, i'm honestly a little speechless that you really cite those specific literary devices. wow. i'm honored and really jazzed you picked up on those!! really cool certain allegory wasn't totally lost!!! that's something i always worried wouldn't be understood or seen.

i think part of the "discourse" is simply people wanting sequels to fics that didn't have a happy ending. it feels unfinished to them and perhaps, in their eyes, fanfiction is supposed to have resolution - but that's not right, is it? fanfics can go in any direction and have any ending the AUTHOR deems best for their story. truth be told, i write a lot of angst; so if you're reading my fics and want a "happy" ending, you're probably in the wrong place.

being said, there's NOTHING wrong with wanting resolution and respectfully requesting it! writing sequels to someone's fic when they've not given permission is definitely wrong. but it is PERFECTLY okay to ask questions you do not know the answers to.

i love word dumps, poppet, don't apologize! i'm just flattered my silly little stories can evoke such a response.

all my love 🖤

[aoxue]

Fic Writer Q & A

Via @heyholmesletsgo ! Thanks for the tag! <3

How many wips do you have currently?

Excluding notes and brief scribblings, and counting just projects I've written a substantial amount for? Literally 30. About half of those have seen new writing/edits in the last six months, if we want to define some kind of "active" status.

Which one are you finding the hardest to finish?

Clearly, I struggle to finish my fics broadly 🙃 But I have been fighting tooth and nail with one story for an upcoming zine, and I can't put my finger on why! It's not long or complicated, but it's just been an utter slough to write up. Apart from that, probably Come Back Alive, my Appalachian horror spin on Yi City, just because that one IS quite long and complicated. It's been three and a half years in the works, and I'm still trying to stick the landing in terms of climax and resolution.

What does it usually look like when inspiration strikes for you?

Depends on the sort of inspiration! If a story concept or an idea for a plot point hits me, I'll try to throw it into a document or on a private discord server I have that's expressly for this kind of brainstorming. Other times, a particular line might come to me, and I'll try to capture that in a similar fashion, but that might get me writing for several hours. Inspiration might come from a movie or a TV show, or very often from music.

Do you curate playlists for each fic or is your process different?

Not for every fic, but for the bigger projects, yes! I have about 7 fic playlists between WIPs and fics I've actually posted. Like I said, I often get inspiration from songs, so I like gathering those in one place. My playlists tend to be 1) repositories for songs that already are/could be inspiration for the plot, relationships, or setting (this is especially true for AUs that are far removed from canon!) and/or 2) mixes I can put on the background as I write that can put me in the right headspace/atmosphere without distracting me. Other times I need quiet, or generic instrumentals, or ambient soundscapes -- it all depends.

Do you go balls to the wall and write as you go or are you more organized?

I need to be organized when I write, or I will get frustrated because I can't make sense of what I'm doing with the plot. "Balls to the wall," for me, typically leads to some really pretty paragraphs, or a good, scene, but I'm not all that much closer to a coherent, finished story. I get stuck in the "edit as you write" habit really easily. So I need a roadmap to keep me on track, definitely, and I also need to work on throwing out rougher first drafts.

Tagging anyone who feels like it :)

[mechanicallizard]

New illustration and a little text about AU related to it! A few posts ago I said that writing something here feels a bit uncomfortable for me, but I look at this illustation and feel like I should give some context (and also I still want to share my AU very much!!), so here we go:D

Now they are beautiful

One of the most important things about AU lore is the fact that William is absolutley obsessed with robots. Almost always he isn't able to build trusted and close relationship with people, but at the same time he humanizes machines, even household appliances, not to mention animatronics. Will is ready to spend all his free time with the robots he created, instead of communicating with real people.

The main reason why Henry becomes the only really important person for Afton, whom he truly wants to care about, is the fact that Emily has the same feelings for robots. Actually, after acquaintance they were firstly attached to a common robotic project and only after that to each other.

Also, fantasies about having metallic mechanisms instead of normal organs are incredibly attractive to Afton. When obsession culminates to insanity and it becomes hard for him to stay in touch with reality William has to make a lot of effords not to harm himself imagining robotic parts under skin and not to try putting wires and other parts into his body (however, sometimes he still does). Willliam is very afraid of death, but when he finds out that spinglock costumes can be deathly dangerous he can't stop thinking about dying in Springbonie as an opportunity to become one with him. And maybe only the fact that he consideres this death to be faschinating helps him to accept his new "afterlife" form later.

And of course not only himself he would prefer to see as a robot, but even more other people. This is actually the main motive for the murders, all except the Charlies' (or at least the reason why they look the way they do): he thinks children don't have completley formed personality, so the idea about merging their minds with animatronics is something he gets extremley exited about. He understands that this isn't real in the world where he exists, but the picture with robots performing with kids, who finally became right, stuffed inside, is too attractive for him.

William invents funtime animatronics as an attempt to create perfect family, that will replace wrong and irritating one he has. He keeps the number of members - there are four of them - but Elisabeth is the only one worthy of having new form. So, yeah, Circus Baby was made especially for her. Crying child could be in this list too, if he wasn't already dead. Obviously, there is no place for Mike (although he is a big part of Funtime animatronics story too). Maybe Ballora was designed for William's wife in some way (but this doesn't really makes sense to the AU, only as a respect for headcanon about this). However, in this story Will builds only prototypes for Funtimes, the final versions were made and presented to the public only after his death by Mike and Henry (and this is a big story for another post, so I won't go into details now).

However, the most important animatronics intended to particular persons in Afton's mind are the first ones, Springbonnie and Golden Freddy: for him and Henry.

PS The title refers to the "you'll be beautiful" episode in The Walten Files ( Episode 2 , 9:12 – 10:12). And even though the plot of the series hasn't got much in common with described part of the AU, this particular scene conveys atmosphere quite well (and also I just like it very much).