#does this make even 10% of some kind of sense. please help me :'))

[cosmogyros]

Auditory processing issues suck SO HARD. I just spent about 1.5 hours watching the first half hour of a movie on YouTube, because I had so much trouble understanding the dialogue that I kept constantly having to go back and listen again and again and again, look up a transcript of the full film (the transcript contained mistakes, so it wasn't much help), compare and contrast various subtitle files available online, even cup my hands around my ears, etc. Just to figure out what the characters were saying to each other.

And it's not just literally understanding what words they say to each other, oh no. That's only the first step. The next step is figuring out what those characters MEAN when they say certain words. Like when a dude says "You know, I see, like, if we can get successful, it's, like, L-L, man… limos and Learjets," I feel like I'm having a stroke. I have to hit pause and sit there for a sec and ask myself a bunch of questions and do some research online.

Why did he say L-L? Why did he randomly say the initials of the two things he wants? Also, why does he specifically say 'Learjet'? When people dream of having a private jet, don't they normally say 'private jet'? I'd never heard the word Learjet before, so I had to go look it up to try to get more context, but that didn't really help. Is this a music biz reference I don't know? Is this a Canadian reference I don't know? If this happened once or twice during a movie, it would be no problem, but when I'm stopping and going back literally every two minutes, it takes for-fucking-ever to get through the film and my brain is So! Fucking! Exhausted!

I had to stop at about the half-hour mark. I felt like I was about to cry from frustration, so I quit for the night. I'll return to it in a day or two, when I've got a bit more mental energy, and try to work my way through the rest. If I can get through half an hour of film time per day (in an hour or so, however long it takes to get through that much), I can finish the movie in three days of watching. (And this is a movie I really, really WANT to see. I wouldn't waste a moment of my time struggling through it if I didn't care this much about it.)

Anyway. Sometimes when people say they "don't watch movies much", it doesn't necessarily mean they're being elitist snobs or whatever. Sometimes it's just so fucking challenging and exhausting to watch a movie that it leaves me feeling angry at my own body for being a dysfunctional piece of crap. I don't know if this counts as a "disability" and I'm not claiming that label because I don't want to step on any toes, but I have to admit that the mere prospect of watching a film often fills me with dread because it can be so intensely difficult for me (unless I just mentally check out and give up on understanding it completely, which is what I typically do when I'm watching with other people).

[strayslost]

thinking about like... more supernatural aus/verses for chuuya and verlaine-

I know stormbringer seems to kind of want to establish the singularities of arahabaki and guivre as a more scientific thing, and less as actual gods, but i prefer to interpret them (even in my main verses) as supernatural because i just find that more fun. BUT. what if we took that further.

i'd love to work the time travel verse concept in there somewhere, like chuuya and verlaine are able to loop through time because of their nature as supernatural beings/vessels of supernatural beings (depending on your preferred interpretation)... but i also have a separate really bizarre au in mind that's kind of like. both chuuya and verlaine existing in two places at the same time?? i'll elaborate under the cut-

on one level they exist as humans in the real world, living normally; basically the "human" versions of the characters we know - with these versions of them being unaware of their "other" selves. and their other selves exist on a separate plane of existence sort of, like a layer above the real world in a sense, and they also ARE arahabaki and guivre in a literal sense. like...

i'm coming up with this on the spot as i type so bear with me - focusing on verlaine here since i'm posting on my multi. canonically verlaine is supposedly a combination of a singularity (which iirc AND I MAY NOT is the result of contradictory abilities interacting?? i didn't fully understand it WHOOPS) and an artificial personality that kind of "tricks" the singularity into believing it's attached to a human. but in this specific au, the artifical personality is "normal"/"human" verlaine, while the singularity guivre is ALSO verlaine, just a "separate version" of him that exists on a higher plane.

by reciting the right words and opening the gate, human!verlaine can give his guivre self access to the real world, though in the process he becomes a being of pure hatred/destruction, because in normal circumstances, a human body can't really "process" the kind of thinking that guivre has. the combination of non-supernatural human mind/body + supernatural causes things to go wrong pretty much.

but at the same time (and this is where the verse starts really straying from canon lol), when not being "channeled" in this way, guivre still exists on that other plane and is still aware of what's going on in the real world, kind of from the outside looking in?? it's also possible that he's able to influence the real world in some way, not sure how yet. there IS a way, too, for these two versions of verlaine to "become one" WITHOUT triggering the mindless/destructive state, and if that were to happen, it'd basically be like the human verlaine would regain the memories of his experiences as "guivre" and would gain a shitton of supernatural power as well. but no characters know how to do that yet.

of course canonically after guivre was defeated in stormbringer, the singularity is "destroyed" and has to be replaced by rimbaud's illuminations in order to let verlaine live. in this au/verse, though, it turns out it wasn't actually "destroyed" like it seemed, but it WAS separated from him, so the human!verlaine and guivre!verlaine are now no longer connected to each other bodily wise, which probably creates some level of discomfort/identity confusion/dysphoria in the human verlaine... again, it probably is possible to connect them together once more though.

i read this over like three times and i can't tell but i suspect that it makes literally no sense and comes across as nonsense lmao....... on the off-chance that anyone's interested/wants to understand what i'm getting at but i'm not making sense here, let me know and i'll try and explain it better!!

[mentos-or-mentoes]

Headcanons! Cult of the lamb

Leshy, Heket, Shamura, Kallamar, Narinder and The lamb.

General:

(this will be in follower form for the bishops)

Leshy

Dude is definetly not happy upon being indoctrinated into the cult.

Like first he gets killed by the lamb and NOW he has to follow their commands? Yeah to say the least he might be a bit annoyed at first.

When you first introduce yourself, he might be a little skeptical mainly because he was a bishop so what were you gonna do? Make fun of him? Pull a ''prank'' Just because you could?

Surprisingly, no! You were kind, just trying to get to know him better, and trying to get him to know the cult a little better.

He is forever greatful if you help him around the place.

Romantic:

If Leshy smells anything he thinks is something like a flower, then he might try and guide you towards them.

Mainly because it might be difficult picking them, when he cant see where the hell he's going.

9.5 / 10 hugs and you cant convince me otherwise.

He might be a bit moist because of all the stuff growing on him but he definetly smells nice. (or atleast i headcanon it as such).

He can and will be a living scarf if he REALLY craves your attention.

He will just snuggling up to you in the middle of whatever you were doing.

Heket

General:

Heket was not the happiest when she awoke in the lambs cult to say the least.

Allthough she was hungry, (cant blame her tbh).

When you approached her and offered her a couple of berries as a little welcome gift you definetly became one of her favorites.

She probably didn't even want to try and care for someone that isn't her siblings, at this point.

She especially appreceates if you basically speak for her, mainly because you can get to the point (and the words) alot faster then her.

Heket will do absolutely anything to avoid you or anyone else finding out anything that embarrases her that isnt known, like her losing to the lamb.

She enjoys all meals with either you or her siblings.

Romantic:

If you pick her up in front of others for no reason you are getting the frog equivilent of a bitch slap.

She does still have a reputation to uphold to prevent the followers from being too cruel even as a member of the cult.

Okay but seriously, Heket is basically your knight in shining armor.

Someones bothering you? just tell Heket, and she will take care of it.

She loves it when you bring her snakcs while waiting for a meal to be done whenever you cook.

Can and will pass you notes of what she wants you to say to someone, if she's really annoyed bcause of something they did.

Might be dissapointed if you rephrase it, to not be as rude as what she wrote.

Shamura

General:

Them always seeking knowledge was definetly one of the things that allowed you to bond with them quickly.

You telling them about things they might find interesting, and them sharing some of the things they remember.

Shamura likes it when you remind them of small things they might forget.

They also like sharing stories of their past with you, or giving you small gifts.

Not that they cant defend themselves against other cult members who might be looking for payback (they probably can't).

But you talking some sense into the cultists heads definetly does not go unoticed.

Romantic:

Shamura probably does like cuddles, especially when comforting them.

Might forget that you gave them something and try to return it to you.

If you remind them, then well they'll probably feel a bit ashamed that they forgot one of your gifts.

Please comfort Shamura if this happens.

(sorry i couldn't come up with much for them Shamura fans).

Kallamar

General:

Kallamar is a very nervous person so you showing them kindness was definetly unexpected.

you being nice? To him, and this quickly? You must be plotting something, he thought. but when you continuesly kept showing kindness and defended him from any rude cult members, he quickly realized that it wasn't the case.

he likes it alot when you reassure him that everythings gonna be fine. This man isn't much for standing up for himself. So if you do stand up for him, when other cultists come to do whatever they'd wanna do, he'll be very thankful.

If you went through the trouble of learning sign language just to communicate with him easilier his heart basically melts (not literally though).

Romantic:

He loves holding your hand. he likes the comfort of you being around.

expect him to be with you for a majority of the time.

will hug you whenever he feels nervous if he is allowed to (usually he is).

If he's trying to talk to you about something personal he'll usually use sign language with you when alone.

Kallamar spends so much time with you that half of his stuff is probably at your place.

Narinder

General:

He was not letting anyone even try and converse with him, after his indoctrination.

Not like people were gonna try anyway, considering what he tried to do.

But theres always someone different, and that just so happened to be you.

You kept trying to start a conversation, pestering him untill he finally tried to actually speak with you.

He wasn't very happy when he finally did start talking.

Despite that you just kept coming back.

Soon he actually started trying to engage the conversations, not really having much else to do.

Small conversation became a small friendship.

Soon Narinder found himself actively trying to spend time with you , and you were more then happy to do so.

Atleast the place wasn't as bad now for Narinder.

Romantic:

This dude is for close to anything but PDA (Public displays of affection).

Will purr if you hug him.

Narinder will never admit it but he's a total cuddle bug when in private.

Will do anything to prevent the lamb from finding out because he already knows he's gonna get teased for eternity the second they find out.

May or may not actively seek you out if he's getting really needy for some cuddles.

Will have orange cat level stupid behavior if he somehow gets his hands on catnip.

The lamb / Lambert.

General:

upon first meeting you, for whatever reason you were wandering around the lands of the old faith, they immidietly asked if you wanted to become part of their cult.

Likes your dedication to the crown and the cult

If you're especially dedicated to the cult then they might read your mind (and might find out you're in love but who knows).

Definetly tries to become closer with you.

They might ask if you wanna go on walks to take a break from all the work.

If you have any problems then the lamb will be willing to do just about anything to help (not everything though).

Romantic:

The lamb definetly makes the first move.

They shower you in gifts, kisses and cuddles whenever they're not busy.

Will do a marriage ritiual as soon as you feel comfortable with it.

Will spend lots of time with you in their free time.

You're probably being put in charge of taking care of things whenever they go on crusades, mainly because they trust you the most.

Doesn't have alot of time when they're not working but they spend almost every second that they're not busy beside you

Expect surprise hugs.

Lots and lots of surprise hugs.

Alot of people are probably both jealous and happy for you because of you being with the lamb.

The lamb does not care because they got the most wonderful person in the world as their partner aka you <3.

(Hope you enjoyed my first ever headcannons)

[shitsndgiggs]

„my boyfriend reacts to my instagram dms“ with kenan? 👀 i feel like that would be fun 😭

INSTAGRAM DM’s - KENAN YILDIZ

Kenan reacting to your DM’s

Kenan Yildiz x fem! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

I set my phone up on the kitchen counter, hit record, and turn to face Kenan, who is sitting next to me, looking curious yet slightly suspicious.

I have a grin plastered on my face, excited to see how this is going to play out.

“Alright, babe, I hope you’re ready for this,” I say, barely containing my laughter.

Kenan’s brows furrow, his lips twitching into a hesitant smile. “Ready for what?” he asks, leaning back in his chair, already sensing trouble.

“We’re doing the ‘Boyfriend Reacts to My Instagram DMs’ challenge!” I announce dramatically, making sure the camera catches every second of his reaction.

His eyes widen immediately, and he chuckles nervously. “Wait, what? Your DMs?” he repeats, like he didn’t quite hear me the first time.

“Yes!” I reply with a giggle. “Your job is to just… react.”

Kenan’s face breaks into a mischievous grin. “Alright, alright, hit me with it. I’m not scared,” he says, though I can see his curiosity mixing with a hint of nervousness.

I scrolled through my phone, picking the first message that had caught my eye. Clearing my throat, I read, “Here’s one: ‘I’d swim across the ocean just to meet you.’”

Kenan snorted, unable to hold back his amusement. “Yeah, well, I hope he knows how to swim really well because that’s a long way to go for a rejection,” he quipped, shaking his head with a grin.

I burst out laughing, and he can’t help but grin. “Okay, okay,” I say, trying to compose myself. “Here’s another: ‘I’d love to see what’s under that pretty dress of yours…’”

Kenan’s face turns from amused to downright indignant. “Wow, okay. This guy… Just no. That’s a solid 0 out of 10, report and block. Like, does he think he’s smooth? Nah, dude, keep dreaming.”

I can’t help but laugh harder. “Alright, alright, calm down. Next one: ‘If I were your boyfriend, I’d never let you out of my sight.’”

Kenan’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, that’s real healthy. Stalker vibes, much? And newsflash, buddy, she already has a boyfriend who’s got a perfect balance between protective and giving space. Unlike you.”

I’m laughing so hard I almost can’t speak. “Alright, this one’s kind of spicy… ‘You should be with a man who knows what to do with you.’”

Kenan’s jaw clenches a little, and he huffs out a breath. “Oh, please. First of all, I’m that man. Second, what’s he gonna do? Take you to McDonald’s and tell you you’re special? Amateur hour.”

I laugh, nudging him. “You’re getting so riled up!”

Kenan smirks but there’s a protective edge in his eyes. “I’m not riled up. I’m just stating facts.”

I continue with the next DM. “‘I don’t usually do this, but I’d make an exception for you.’”

Kenan rolls his eyes dramatically. “Wow, you’re so special that he’s willing to break his ‘mysterious rules.’ How romantic,” he mocks. “Dude, get in line with the other guys who think they’re original.”

I shake my head, biting back more laughter. “Okay, here’s a bold one: ‘If you ever get tired of that guy you’re with, I’d love to show you a real good time.’”

Kenan’s face darkens with jealousy. “A real good time?” he echoes. “Listen, man, her idea of a good time is binge-watching series in her PJs, with snacks and cuddles. And trust me, I’m the best at that.”

I giggle, loving his serious expression. “Alright, last one. And this one… oh boy. ‘‘I’d give up my whole life just for one date with you.’”

Kenan’s eyebrows shot up, and he leaned forward, his expression full of mock concern. “Oh, buddy,” he said, pretending to look sad. “That’s… that’s just sad. I mean, at least aim for two dates. Show some confidence!”

I giggle a little at that, smiling softly. “Okay, you survived… barely.”

Kenan grins, still a little worked up but leaning back in his chair. “Oh, I did more than survive. I won. And these guys… they don’t even come close. Not even in the same universe.”

I lean closer, feeling the warmth in his voice, and he mirrors my movement, his lips brushing mine in a soft, sweet kiss that seems to erase all the silly DMs from memory.

As we pull back, Kenan gives a playful smirk. “You know, I think next time we should go through my DMs… just to be fair.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “No way, I’m not ready for that kind of drama.”

He chuckles, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Good. Because I have nothing to hide. And besides,” he leans in closer, whispering just for me, “you’re the only girl that matters.”

[juniperss]

okay hear me out but darry would be an absolutely amazing boyfriend??

You should do darry bf headcannons😘

*gets onto the stage and grabs the microphone* you don't understand how much i love darry curtis! i absolutely agree that he would be a fantastic boyfriend

(Gender neutral reader)

Darry prior to his parents' death was a very different guy and so depending on when the two of you begin dating, you might have fallen in love with a different kind of Darry.

Prior to his parent's death he was a lot more care free and had less on his plate. His responsibilities were still there, helping his dad with working and saving money, but he didn't have nearly as much to worry about. He was more spontaneous and full of an easy laughter. Dating him back then was full of going to his games and cheering for him, it was movie nights at the drive in with his pesky brothers and friends getting in the way. It was him taking more risks with you and laughing in the front seat of the car after making out.

But after his parents death, things piled on and he became how we know Darry to be; grown up too fast for his age. Dating him after his parent's death means that he has a lot of other responsibilities that come before you even if he wishes that wasn't the case. You have to give him the grace and love in order for a relationship to really work with him.

Now that is out of the way we're gonna move into boyfriend!Darry with the premise of dating him after his parents deaths

Darry is super busy. I'm talking like working 2-3 jobs on top of looking after his brothers and dealing with whatever bullshit the Curtis Gang is getting into. But he somehow always manages to make some time for you. It's not a lot, sometimes, but it's there. Whether that's having you tell him about your day when he's cooking dinner or driving you to work or dropping you off on his way to one of his jobs.

While I don't see him being big into PDA (he has a reputation to uphold come on and plus the boys are really annoying if they catch PDA) he does love physical affection when it's just the two of you.

He YEARNS to lay down next to you at night and feel you pressed up against him. He YEARNS for you to run your fingers through his hand.

Please please please hold his hands and massage them, I'm begging. His does a lot of manual labor and his hands are rough and calloused and he melts into a puddle of goo when you massage his hands and fingers.

Darry has a collection of sweatshirts that are oversized and no I won't take criticism on this. He doesn't wear them often, he mostly sleeps in them if anything, but since dating you he's taken a shine to seeing you in them. Even if they're not oversized on you, just seeing you in his clothing makes him get all hot under the collar.

Just seeing you in his spaces in general actually gets to him. He loves having you in the house or in his car, in his room. Having you around him is a source of comfort and he soaks that in.

10/10 the type of boyfriend to tuck you in?? Like during a movie at the house with the gang and you fall asleep, he's tucking a blanket over you. Shivering a little in the night? His jacket is over your shoulders.

I don't see him being super into pet names other than like "babe" or "baby"? He likes how your name sounds on his lips. Might give you a nickname though.

So, I don't think you two are gonna be going out on dates in the traditional sense. A lot of dates are definitely going to be at the house or in secluded areas outside. There are a few factors: For one thing money is tight for him, another is that there just isn't a lot to do in the small town, the third being that he hates leaving the gang alone especially his brothers. But you two find ways to make the most of your date nights. Sneaking into the movie theater or finding a way place to spectate events for free. You two probably spend a lot of time in his room and that's not even inherently sexual. His room is the one space that's his and he can share that intimate space with you.

His room wasn't anything special until you two started dating and then it slowly began collecting things to make it more comfortable. It's not a coincidence that half of those things are yours (like that blanket that he loves or that candle that he thought was going to be awful but smells so soothing). It's still "not much" as he would say, but you wouldn't trade it for anything.

KISSES WITH DARRY LETS DISCUSS, SHALL WE? Darry LOVES KISSING. There I said it and I stand by it. He loves to kiss you. It makes him feel less like someone with the world on the shoulders and more like the guy he used to be.

He's got a range of kisses depending on his mood but he's always giving you a kiss goodbye or goodnight no matter what.

Loves a good lazy make out in bed even if he's worried about being late for work or getting his brothers out the door. Can easily be convinced to stay a moment longer if you straddle his hips and keep kissing him.

The first kiss between the two of you was a bit awkward but that doesn't mean it was bad. It was the two of you figuring each other out and melted into a tender kiss with your back against the door of his car.

Hands resting on your hips while he kisses you, hands cupping your face, hands in your back pockets. He has his hands on you! I don't have a thing for his hands

Darry does so much providing for others that he runs out of energy a lot. So if you're the type to do things for him like the laundry or cooking or helping to fix things around the house, even helping Ponyboy with his homework that would make all the difference to him. He doesn't really feel as if he's got someone to help shoulder the load of life with, as much as he loves his brothers they aren't really people he wants to share a burden with (nor does he feel like they should have to deal with it). He doesn't even want to really ask you for help. That's why if you don't even ask and you just do things to help, he falls even more in love with you.

me writing this post^

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The Man 10

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: mob!Lloyd Hansen

Summary: a demanding customer complicates more than your work life.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

Gah. You hate the taste. It doesn’t get any better and it feels worse on your skin. There’s something unnatural about human biology. Should that be so slimy?  

You’re not a prude, not mentally, only experientially. The act itself, yeah, it’s kind of hot, but the finale. That’s too much. Not to mention, it wasn’t exactly mutual. None of this is. 

It’s weird, actually. The more you think of it, sat naked under a desk, in the mess of his excitement, you can’t help but analyse the situation you find yourself in. This man articulated a strategic destruction of your life; he messed with your rent, your bank, your job, and now you’re sitting her in his house, perched on your heels like an orphan begging for more gruel. 

You frown as you rub your chin again. Despite the single tissue he offered, you still felt the residue clinging to your skin. You need a shower. Or maybe some clothes. That would be nice. You scrunch up your nose and sneer. 

“What the hell is that face for?” Floyd—Lloyd snips and you look up to meet his gaze through the glass top of the desk, his keyboard blocking out all but one of his blue eyes. Hey, he has nice eyes for a meanie. You’d never tell him because he’s not a very good listener. 

“Nothing, I just...” you shrug and his eye flicks down to the jiggle of your chest. You cross your arms and tilt your head to the side, “can I go wash off or something?” 

“Why?” He challenges. 

Your lips part and a puff of air shoots out. Is he serious? 

“I... I’m not saying it’s your fault or anything but semen smells and I smell like semen, so going by a very basic formula--” 

“Oh my god, you don’t stop. Why can’t you just say anything straight out? Why’s it this nonsense?” He growls. 

“Fair enough, but I’m still hoping to see a sink or maybe a washcloth--” 

He rolls his eyes and closes them. He sits back and puts his hands to either side of his nose and exhales heavily. He clucks as he drops his arms and considers you as he leans against the leather cushioning. 

“You don’t make the rules. Stay.” 

He rolls back up to the desk and starts typing again. You look at the bottom of the sleek keyboard. He’s definitely an Apple guy, the iMac isn’t even the biggest giveaway. He just has that essence to him. He’s one of those guys who claims to be all about the best of everything but really he’s just buying into capitalism. He’s basic; mainstream. 

What is he even doing? Typing, clicking, scowling at the screen. Is he working? What on earth does he even do? Well, if you account for the mustache, the tacky clothes, and shoes without socks, you might assume he’s some sort of salesman. Used cars if you were to go by looks alone and yet his house would suggest more than that.  

He doesn’t look like a lawyer. He could be a tech bro, again, Apple everything. Still, the way he types doesn’t really seem savvy. He’s got the whole chicken peck down pat, jabbing each key with his index finger. So you’re at a loss. What the hell do rich people do? How do they even get rich? 

“Would you stop staring at me like that?” He stops again, another glare through the glass. 

You swallow and shake your head, shifting on your knees as you keep your arms across your chest. 

“Sir, Mr. Jansen--” 

“Hansen,” he grits dangerously. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hansen, sir, please, it’s cold in here, can I get a sweater or maybe you could turn off the air? This time of day, the rate must be ridiculous.” 

His lashes flutter and his forehead lines. His hand closes to a fist then opens. His chest rises and he squares his jaw. 

“You’re distracting me. I’m trying to work.” 

“So maybe I could go somewhere else. It’s a big house--” 

“My house,” he insists. 

“A very nice house,” you offer, “I mean I’m sitting down here, my knees are killing me, I’m shivering, I can’t sit still. You’re not gonna get anything done. I’m agreeing with you. One hundred percent. I’m annoying. A real nuisance so let the leash go a little bit. Promise, I won’t touch a thing--” 

He squints then his eyes flick up as he thinks. His lips thin and he huffs. He brings his fingertips together, elbows planted on the glass desk, and taps them as he hums. 

“You’re lucky you can make me cum,” he grumbles. 

“Ah, but sir, don’t give me all the credit. You’re a very good cummer. An expert, it seems.” 

His nose crinkles and his mouth falls open, for just a second. His cheek dimples and he shakes it away, “what on earth are you fucking on about?” 

“I’m just saying, sir, I don’t know much about the old sausage link but I’m comparing it to the hub--” 

“The hub?” 

“PornHub, I’m sure you know it.” 

He lets out cluck but says nothing else. 

“Anyway, you got what they would call girth,” you gesture with your hands. “Good job, although, maybe it’s more a genetic type thing. Not really something you did...” 

He stares at you for a moment the pushes his knees wide. He takes a breath and slides slightly forward in his chair. You are keenly aware of the twitch beneath his pants. Please, not again. Are their calories in cum? 

“You watch a lot of porn?” He asks, a genuine hint of interest in his voice. The furthest from spite you’ve heard from him. 

“Eh, not as much as some people, I'm sure. I get curious,” you say. “but within discretion. Never wanna go too far down the rabbit hole.” 

He taps his toe and gives a thoughtful angle of his chin, twining his fingers between each other, “what kinds?” 

“Mm, well, I dunno. Usually, I just click something on the front page that doesn’t look too wild. Like creampie is pretty standard, I guess. Doggystyle is usually all over, but the stepdaughter stuff, ick. Not for me, sir. No way.” 

He makes a clicking noise in his throat and slowly reclines in his chair, “you are way too honest for your own good.” 

“Maybe, I guess. In this situation though, what do I get from lying? Besides, I see the stache,” you shoot him with a fingergun then quickly holster it. “You definitely are trawling around. RedTube? Xvideos?” 

“You said you’re curious,” he ignores your question, “you don’t... do anything while you watch?” 

You feel a subtle tickle in your thighs. The casual air turns thick. You’re starting to get worked up. 

“Eh, well, you know... the fingers find a way,” you look away and giggle nervously. “I go on these women’s forums. They say you should know yourself best before you try with a partner. Obviously, I haven’t found my number two yet but I know my way around my captain's chair. I can get to warp speed.” 

His lips curve slowly as you look back to him and you gulp. You’ve said too much. Again. The very reason you fell head first into this predicament. 

“Sir, why are you looking at me like that?” You squeak. 

He chuckles and brushes his fingertips over his bristly mustache, “well, sweet lips, show me the way.” 

“Huh?” Your eyes round. 

“Show me around your captain's chair, as you so eloquently put it,” he demands and wiggles two fingers at you. 

[junipers-archive]

And They Were Roommates

Word Count: 1k

Includes: Fluff, fluff, some more fluff and a kiss? You confront Spencer about your relationship status after Penelope informs you of everyone's belief of you being more than roommates :)

(Prompt from this challenged by @imagining-in-the-margins)

You were at the coffee shop nearest to the apartment, desperately trying to find a pick me up. It was 6:30am...a new record for you. Seeing as your roommate and best-friend Spencer hadn't alerted you that you guys ran out of coffee at home, you were now standing in what you deem the longest line in the world you'd ever seen for coffee.

Then again it was one of the first times you'd been up this early to see people who actually got up early. It'd only been 10 minutes but you swore if you didn't get your daily caffeine boost soon you'd start to shut down.

The line was moving at snail pace so you decided to see what the problem was, only to catch a Penelope Garcia with 8 coffees in her arms, trying to balance her way out of the crowd.

Fortunately for her, Spencer had introduced you to the team a few months ago after they'd wanted to see where he lived and he was essentially peer-pressured in showing them by Derek. You'd been given a 5-minute notice at the late hour of 11pm and to this day are still making him pay on movie-nights where you got to choose the film.

You were torn between helping Penelope and staying in your spot in line, but seeing as you remembered how kind she had been and she was about to drop all that coffee, you took pity. Rushing over and calling her name,

"Penelope, you need some help there?"

"ah!-oh hi Y/n, sorry you scared me for a moment! And yes please."

You took one of the trays of coffee from her, holding her purse around your other arm. "Not that I mind helping, but why all the coffee?"

"Well" She was now wobbling over to a table that was just freed up by a couple, talking to you while placing her many belongings on it,

"Sometimes, I like to get up really early and get coffee for the team, cause you know the coffee at work sucks and I'm sure Spencer's already alerted you, but someone's been stealing the curate cups from the kitchen!"

You now placed the tray you had been carrying on the table as well,

"No...uh Spencer doesn't exactly talk about his job much, we usually just talk about other stuff"

She looked surprised at this, "Really? I thought he'd be more open about what he does with his girlfriend. But I guess thats just Spencer."

Now it was your turn to be surprised. "I-I'm sorry, did you say girlfriend?"

"Well, I mean yeah, you live together, he talks about you all the time, and when we went over you two just had so much chemistry we all just assumed-" she stopped talking as she saw the growing disbelief on your face, "I-I just- I'm sorry are you not dating?"

You were speechless. Absolutely speechless.

I mean sure you liked Spencer, he was one of your best-friends and you did live together and yea maybe you had feelings for him. But could other people see it too?

I mean, it made sense, now that you thought about it, you two were practically never seen apart, having roomate-movie-nights, going on consistent 'friend-dates', eating almost every meal together and getting each other gifts for holidays, even sometimes falling asleep in each others beds when you both got black-out drunk on occasion...

Were you dating?

Penelope had taken your silence as her cue to leave, gathering her things, but you had another idea, one that wouldn't leave you overthinking for the rest of the day.

"Wait- I- I'll help you! I mean you can't carry this all yourself!"

"Thank you" she smiled " but you're sure you don't have anywhere to be?"

"Not a place in the world." You would just call in sick today, you thought.

On the drive to the BAU as you talked to Penelope who you found was alluringly talkative, you also realized you might not even be able to get into the building. When you asked she waved her hand, shooing away your worries it seemed as she explained that as long as you weren't a spy you'd be fine for staying a couple minutes since she had clearence.

The topic of Spencer didn't come up again.

Once you got there and helped Penelope up to the office you caught sight of your roommate sitting at his desk. Excusing yourself, you began walking over, It was more decorated than you assumed, containing his adorable action figure favorites and small trinkets you'd given him over the years. And as you got closer you even found he had a picture of the two of you posing at a theme park you'd forced him to go to with you.

He saw you before you were closer, standing himself up as well.

"Y/n? What-What're you doing here?"

"Are we dating?"god you needed to get a filter, but you were really curious.

He sputtered at that, which admittedly made you smile, "I-uh-Who-did Garcia?-What?"

By pure instinct you grabbed his face so he had to look at you now, as he had a habit of looking down when nervous.

You asked him once more,

"Doctor Spencer Reid Are you dating me?"

You could feel him blush against your palms as he answered,

"Uhm...do you want me to be dating you?"

You don't know what had gotten into you that morning, but the next thing you did surprised both of you, pulling him closer as his hands circled your waist hesitantly and you kissed him.

It was soft at first, almost gentle in the way the both of you were nervous, but eventually he deepened it, grabbing one side of your face, the other circling your waist completely now as you arms came to rest around his shoulders.

When you both had to finally come up for air you breathed out your more than obvious response, "yes."

And while you both grinning like idiots at one another, Penelope was adamantly taking photos of the two of you for your wedding which she had already informed Spencer was to be on October 31 of next year.

You never even noticed you didn't get your coffee, knowing you were now with the Dr.Spencer Reid was enough of a pick-me-up to last you a lifetime.

Reblogs and Comments appreciated!!

Update: Part 2

[sansaorgana]

Hi! It's anon from the period thoughts hehe! I think you're spot on with all of that! Thank you :) Any chance you can do a fic with it?

Gale w/a girlfriend or wife that's having awful period cramps/day?

hiii 😘 guess who started her period today? ME 🤣 when I realised this request is next in the line to be written I laughed 😛 because it's something I'm going through at the moment, I got a bit carried away and it's quite long for a cute little fic like that haha 🥰

I have about 10 MOTA requests to write in my inbox 😅 so please, go easy with them for a while 👉🏻👈🏻 especially that requests for Feyd are open now, too 🤩

You were laying on the couch under a blanket, mindlessly watching the TV with your eyes hazy from the painkiller you had taken. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working for the pain but it was making you feel even more dazed out.

When you heard the front door opening, you sensed the feeling of guilt forming a knot in your stomach. Buck was coming back home after work and not only his house hadn’t been cleaned but also there was no dinner waiting for him on the table. You hoped he’d survive on the sandwiches but you felt bad for him.

“I’m back!” He announced his arrival but you didn’t move. You simply couldn’t.

You heard him undressing and taking his shoes off before peeking into the living room and looking at the TV.

“You’re watching this?” He asked surprised. Well, the program was stupid as hell and you were aware of it.

“I don’t want to but I can’t move to turn it off,” you admitted in a raspy, tired voice.

“Are you okay?” Buck furrowed his brows and approached the TV. He crouched down and turned it off.

“Thank you, it was starting to give me a migraine,” you admitted with a sigh.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He turned around to face you. 

“I’m sorry, I have those days,” you explained.

“What days, love?”

“Ugh…” You winced at one of the cramps. “Code red, Gale. Those days,” you specified.

“Oh,” he straightened himself and put his hands on his hips, getting visibly awkward. “What can I do for you? Does it hurt a lot?”

“Yes, it does. Just leave me here alone…” You mumbled. “And don’t get angry at me because I haven’t done anything around the house. Haven’t cooked anything either,” you lowered your voice, a little scared of his reaction.

You didn’t expect your husband to be angry about such a thing. He was not like most men. But he still could get a little frustrated and irritated. You wouldn’t blame him for that but it would still feel awful to disappoint him like that.

“Hey, you don’t feel good, it’s fine,” Buck only said. “I can make myself sandwiches,” he shrugged his arms. “Have you eaten anything?” He raised an eyebrow at you.

“Not really, no,” you answered. “I took a painkiller but it’s not helping. It made me hazy, though.”

Buck stood there in silence for a while, looking as if he was thinking intensely about something.

“I have an idea,” he said finally. “Are you allowed to take baths in your state?” He asked and you laughed at him.

“Jesus, Gale, can you imagine not being allowed to take a bath when you’re bleeding for a few days straight?” You asked and he blushed adorably. It was quite cute how he was feeling uncomfortable with the subject of periods and how little he did know about them… yet, he still tried to help.

“Let’s run you a bath then,” he nodded.

“Gale, please…” You sighed. “Baby, you’re tired after work. Just make yourself sandwiches and get some rest, too,” you tried to stop him.

“I’m fine,” he assured you. “Come,” he approached you and picked you up bridal style with the blanket still around you. You squeezed it in your fist so it wouldn’t fall down and let him carry you to the bathroom upstairs.

Buck sat you carefully on the closed toilet seat and turned the faucet on to fill the bathtub with the warm water. He opened one of the drawers of your bathroom cabinet and hummed to himself.

“What kind of bath do you want?” He asked, unsurely.

“What do you mean by that?” You leaned back, resting your head on the cold bathroom tiles.

“You have all sorts of things here… Rose, lavender, vanilla…” He read the words on the bottles of your bath oils.

“Lavender helps,” you told him and Buck nodded his head.

He took the bottle out and you watched him carefully tilting it above the bathtub… only to pour half of it inside the water. You gasped.

“What?” He turned his head around, startled by the sound leaving your mouth.

“You’re supposed to add a few drops…” You sighed, too tired to get annoyed. Also, getting annoyed when he was trying so hard to help you would be simply unfair.

“I’m sorry… Should I run another bath now?” He asked.

“Don’t be crazy. You’ve no idea how much money you’ve just poured down there,” you let out a tired chuckle.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Buck closed the lid and put the bottle back in the drawer. “But is it safe to bathe in it now?”

“Only one way to find out, is it?” You shrugged your arms.

Buck approached you to help you stand up but you shook your head.

“No, no,” you stood up by yourself on shaky legs. “I don’t… I don’t want you to see…” You explained shyly.

“It’s just some blood, I can handle it, baby,” he assured you but he was blushing again.

“Please, just leave me here and go downstairs to eat something,” you told him. “I’ll be fine.”

“Actually, I’ll go to the store,” he stated. “I’ll buy us some proper dinner and I’ll be back in twenty minutes. You won’t drown in the meantime, will you?”

“Don’t be daft, I’m not a baby,” you smiled at him and he nodded.

Buck left the bathroom and when you were left alone there, you allowed the blanket to fall down on the floor. Then you got rid of the rest of the clothes and went inside the bathtub, sighing out of relief at the feeling of the warm water.

You were sitting there for so long that the water turned cold, however you felt too comfortable to leave. It was Buck’s soft knocking upon the door that made you finally move.

“I’m back. Are you alive there?” He asked through the door.

“Yes, I’m about to leave now,” you answered.

“Alright. I have chicken,” he told you. “Do you want tea?”

“Yes, please.”

You heard his footsteps going downstairs as you watched the water go down the drain before you stood up, grabbed a towel and dried yourself before putting dark underwear, a black nightgown and a robe that you had in the bathroom cabinet. You put the dress and underwear you had been wearing earlier to the laundry bin and picked up the blanket to fold it and take it with you downstairs to put it back in the living room.

You felt so much better after your bath, you had to admit it. Your hair was wet but you didn’t bother with drying it. It was around six in the evening and you already looked like you were about to go to sleep but you knew that Buck wouldn’t mind that at all.

And indeed, when you walked inside the kitchen, he didn’t even ask about it nor furrowed his brows at your nighttime attire. There was a chicken with mashed potatoes and a salad on the table already, alongside the tea he had made for you.

“I bought more of that lavender oil so you don’t run out of it,” Buck pointed at the unpacked groceries on the kitchen counter. “And something sweet for you,” he added. “The lady at the store was nosy, she asked me why I was buying chicken for dinner and was my wife sick so I told her the truth and she told me women like sweets when they have… those days,” his cheeks turned pink as he moved the chair for you and you sat down with a smile.

“She was right,” you told him. 

“Oh, good, for a while I was scared she just wanted to swindle me to spend more money,” Buck chuckled and took a seat in front of you. “So, after all, she was helpful.”

“Yeah, I know what nosy lady you’re talking about,” you nodded at him. “She’s annoying but she’s also sweet. Hard to explain,” you giggled.

“And how do you feel now?”

“I feel much better, thank you,” you nodded and reached your hand out to caress his and give it a light squeeze before you both started to eat the chicken.

Buck was telling you about his day at work and you were listening with a slight smile. You would usually comment and ask questions or gasp at some things, demanding to know more gossip. But today you were just nodding your head and smiling, still listening but less attentively.

“I’m sorry, perhaps you’d rather eat in silence. You’ve mentioned getting a migraine before,” Buck shut his mouth suddenly.

“I would have told you if I wanted you to be quiet, baby. It’s fine,” you assured him. “And the migraine is gone now. The bath really helped me.”

“Well… I think I’ve already said everything anyway,” he laughed and stood up to get the empty plates from the table to put them in the sink. “I will wash them and you go upstairs and lay in bed. I’ll bring you the dessert when I’m done.”

“You’re absolutely the sweetest, you know that?” You asked him. 

“I’m only taking care of you, darling. Like husbands do. You take care of me, too. Every day,” he looked like he didn’t understand why you were so grateful and it was making him even more special.

And he didn’t even know.

You wondered if his heart was truly so pure that he had no idea how other men could treat their wives. Whenever someone would mention some dreadful story of this sort, Buck would always widen his eyes as if he found it hard to believe. Perhaps he was truly that innocent and oblivious. Or he just couldn’t imagine being so cruel. Either way, he was a gem.

“I just love you so much,” you whispered, getting emotional. Most likely from the hormones.

“I love you, too,” he answered, a bit surprised. “Go upstairs, baby. Do you want me to carry you?”

“No, I will manage,” you stood up and kissed his cheek before leaving the kitchen.

In fact, you’d love him to carry you. But you didn’t want to bother him too much. So you just went to the bedroom and then you sighed at the sight of the freshly put white sheets. You had changed them in the morning, stupidly forgetting about your period coming soon.

With a grunt, you started to take them off. Your moves were slow and when Buck joined you upstairs, you were almost done.

“What are you doing?” He widened his eyes and put the tray he had been holding in his hands down on the vanity table.

“I put them on this morning but I have to change them now. I don’t want to stain them with blood,” you explained.

“You should have waited for me, I’ll do that,” Buck approached you and took the sheets from your hands. “Give that to me.”

“Buck, you’re a sweetheart, but I’m not dying or sick. I can do that, really,” you tried to assure him. “It’s not like it’s my first time having those days,” you explained, carefully avoiding the word period around him because you could only imagine how uncomfortable it would make him feel.

“You can help,” he agreed. “Give me the sheets you want me to put on,” he pointed to the wardrobe with his chin and you rolled your eyes before opening it and handing him the dark navy blue sheets. He gave you back the white ones and you folded them before putting them back.

When the bed was made, you sat under the cover and rested on the pillow. Your husband placed the tray in front of you and you smiled at the sight of a cake and some ice cream.

“Is it alright?” Buck asked.

“Yes, yes, it is,” you nodded with a smile and started to eat.

“By the way, I’m totally getting you a dishwasher,” he sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed and caressed your wet hair.

“Are you crazy? They're expensive!” You protested.

“But it’s going to make your life easier,” Buck pinched your cheek playfully. “You can’t say no, by the way, I’ve already made my decision.”

You didn’t say anything then and just finished eating as he watched you with admiration in his eyes. You offered him a few bites and he agreed to take them but most of the dessert was yours to eat on your own. When you were finished, you laid down, ready to take a nap. Buck took the tray from the bed and leaned in to place a kiss upon your forehead.

“Sweet dreams, baby,” he whispered softly.

“Well, then, my dreams better be of you,” you smiled at him lovingly, “if you want them to be sweet.”

Buck winked at you and went back downstairs to take the tray down. You were starting to fall asleep by the time he was back to lay down next to you and hold you close, making you feel loved and taken care of.

MASTERLIST || BUCK MASTERLIST

[nedtylue]

Hellooo!! im sure you know why im here (hehehe),

May i please request some lucifer fluff, like how mc would have to go about (lovingly) forcing him to take a damn break, (mans may know he doesn't need as much sleep as a human but he still needs the normal amount of sleep a demon does) and i know the first idea is kind of overused when it comes to luci fics and headcannons buuuuuuut it could be reversed so that its mc who overworks themself (tbh relateable) and luci has to (attempt to) help them to relax and during his attempts hes like 'am I this bad when I overwork myself' (and a mc who overworks themself could be a prompt for all the bros if yoou wanted to write something with them all)

(also i may return with another request if i get anymore ideas your writing is very good (20/10 would eat if possible/hj) the second idea kind of sounds like im trying to sell you a car or smth lol i promise im not)

sorry if its alot i started ranting a lil bit (btw me mentioning 2 ideas usually means i had one and then it split as i was typing and my brain went maybe they want a choice)

(feel like i've typed too much) thank you for reading the ramble thing if you read all of it feel free to write it hw you want and have a good day/night (morning, evening, midday, lunch, breakfast???)

Hey sweetheart! I love this especially since I've been working on an angsty fic for a while so I really appreciate the fluff! Anyway I decided to just make it a full fic with only Lucifer, hope you enjoy!!

Please take a break

“Lucifer, could you please take a break? Just a quick nap, or even fetching a snack from the kitchen will do”

“I will, dear“ Lucifer replies, not looking up from his work “Just after I finish this paper”

And Mc sighs. They refrain from telling Lucifer that this is the fifth time he said that today. Saying so will only make him more stubborn

So Mc just settles in their chair and tries to get cozy. They check their DDD, knowing that it's way past their bedtime, and they're met with the clock mocking them that they'll have to be at RAD in four hours. Exhaustion washes over them, and they silently beg their future self to forgive them for the suffering they'll bestow on them

They put away their DDD, and when they feel their eyes droop shut, they feel a bit of defeat settle in their heart. This won't be the first time they fall asleep in Luci's study, and they know Lucifer will stop his work soon, will carry them to their bed, and will make sure they're well tucked and cozy.

They just hoped the break they give him this time wouldn't be the five-minute walk from his study to their room

But Mc still begrudgingly counts that as a win, because if this doesn't count as a way to distract Lucifer from his work for at least five measly minutes, then Mc might just go mad from watching this man work his life away

And soon enough, when Mc fell asleep and soft snores accompanied the sound of pen on paper, Lucifer would look up at his beloved darling. A small smile will appear on his face as he admires Mc and how peaceful they look while they're asleep. He still feels a sense of wonder every time Mc falls asleep in his presence, amazed by how at ease Mc is in his company that they'd let themselves be so vulnerable.

He'd admire their beauty for a long time, pen still in hand as if he could snap himself out of his trance anytime and continue working, but he knows he won't. Not when Mc is sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. He would sooner or later get up, and carry Mc in his arms to their bed. He would lay gently, throw the covers over them, and watch them. His hand would lightly move a few strands of hair from their cheek and would stay there, gently cupping his beloved's cheek, lightly caressing them when the love and adoration in his chest became too much for him to handle.

He sees the dark circles under their eyes and he winces, feeling a pang of guilt stab at his chest. Mc is just too stubborn. He's already told them that he's fine, that he doesn't need to sleep as much or eat as often as humans, but they still try to get him to take a break from his work. He even urges them to go and rest, knowing that humans should sleep for eight hours a day, but they refuse, saying that they'll rest once Lucifer takes a break.

He can't believe he fell for such a stubborn human

And yet, he smiles like a lovesick fool as he watches them sleep.

Lucifer feels a stir in the house. Satan must've woke up, and is making his way to the kitchen to start making breakfast. Lucifer checks the time and sees that Mc will have to wake up in an hour. He knows he must leave now, he's still got work to do before he has to make sure that his brothers are up and ready for school.

But then exam season rolls in, and something they didn't expect happened

He leans in, his lips briefly touching his beloved's hair, then he slowly gets up and leaves Mc's room, throwing one last glance their way, watching how their chest slowly moves with every breath, before he finally shuts the door behind him and makes his way to his study.

—————————————————————

The brothers have seen how often Mc tries to get Lucifer to take a break no matter how much he refuses, and they let them. Soon, Mc will realise that there's no getting Lucifer away from his work (Unless there's an emergency, of course) They just gotta wait for Mc to make this realisation on their own

Mc now refuses to stop studying.

It was funny the first two days, exams haven't even started yet, they're going to start a whole week from now, and yet anywhere you see Mc, there's a book in their hands, or notes, or flashcards, or-

The point is, wherever you see Mc, they're studying. They'd get startled whenever anyone tries to talk to them, and if they agree to go somewhere or do something with the brothers to, you know, give themselves a break, they would agree. And show up with something to study with

Slowly, this stopped being funny when Mc and turned concerning very quickly stopped showing up at the dinner table, opting to eat in their room surrounded by their books. When whenever anyone would ask them anything they'd say 'Sorry, not now, maybe after I'm done studying' Even if they asked Mc what day it was, that's their answer!!

And they're never done studying! Even if you catch them without a book, they're mumbling to themselves various formulas, answering imaginary questions, and generally not beinh fully there! Their eyebags became so deep Belphie tried knocking them out one time, but Mc just sidestepped him. Their hair is disheveled Asmo tried taking them on a spa day, but the workers were so unnerved by Mc's constant mumbling and suddenly moving to check a lesson, a spell, or an answer on their DDD

It was also unnerving everyone they knew, the brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos, the angels, and even Solomon. They all tried getting Mc to take a break, but Mc refused. They keep telling them that they're fine, that they've slept enough, that they eat and take regular breaks (never mind that they barely sleep for one hour before they wake up for RAD, and take a half-hour nap max if they really, really feel like shit. never mind that all their food is snacks or that their 'regular breaks' are their bathroom breaks)

And Lucifer of course isn't just idly watching Mc wither away like this. He tries to take them on dates, tries to convince Mc to sleep at a reasonable time, and tries to make them eat anything that doesn't come pre-packaged

He's never seen them push themselves like this

“Well of course they will,” Asmo tells him as all the brothers look at him accusingly “that's all they see you do!”

“Yeah, you hypocrite” Mammon crosses his arms and shakes his head “How are they supposed to listen to a word you say if you do the exact same thing?”

“I'm a demon” Lucifer defends himself. He won't keel over if he works too much for a while, Mc will

“It doesn't matter to them,” Satan says “You showed them that overworking oneself is normal, now they're going to work until they burn themselves out”

Mammon rushes for the water-

“Not literally, Mammon”

Lucifer lets out a sigh

“I'll talk to them”

“That's not gonna cut it” Belphie glares at Lucifer

“You need to take care of yourself, Lucifer, and once they see you do that, they'll follow”

Lucifer stares at Beel, then slowly turns to look at the rest of his brothers. They all seem to agree, and that makes him sigh. He'll try, of course. For Mc, he's ready to do anything.

—————————————————————

The tic-ticking of the clock stopped bothering Mc a long time ago. They stopped checking the time, watching the time pass makes them feel so nervous. Instead, they rely on the numerous alarms they set up on their DDD to tell them when they should sleep, wake up, eat, and check if there's anything they've put off doing for too long

“hmm?” They ask, still reciting under their breath how an Angel's muscles replicate the movement of a diaphragm when a human is near-

Something in the back of their mind tingles. They think they may have heard a knock on the door, and they might have mumbled “Come in” but they aren't entirely sure. They've been way too focused on memorizing the difference between angels' and demons' respiratory systems to notice the door opening and closing, to hear the footsteps, or sense their favorite demon coming up behind them. They only slightly turn their head when they feel a hand on their shoulder gently shaking them

“Mc? Could you leave your books for a moment?”

“I'm busy now. Maybe after I-”

“It's four in the morning, Mc”

Mc tilts their head slightly, looking at Lucifer in confusion before turning to look at the clock. There's no way it's four already, it was just one like half an hour ago-

But the hands of the clock show that it is four fifteen now. Shit, now they don't have time to revise the spells in chapter five before they go to sleep, and the General Spells exam is in three days-

“Mc, please look at me” A touches Mc's cheek and gently guides them until they look into Lucifer's eyes. He looks so sadly at them. It makes Mc wanna cry

“You've been pushing yourself far too much, my darling. What happened?” He asks, and something in how soft he sounds makes Mc lean into his hand until it's the only thing supporting their body

“It's just been a hard semester” Mc mumbles as they stare into his eyes. They shine so beautifully in the soft glow

“I see” Lucifer replies, feeling a bit of relief spreading through him. He's so glad Mc is actually looking at him, actually replying to him, and not just repeating that empty promise they've been saying for the past week-

Mc suddenly pushes themselves away from his hand and tries to go back to the book

“I have to study. I'm behind, I was supposed to be done with anatomy three hours ago. Can we talk later, Luci?”

A hand again guides their face, the other slowly turns the chair until Mc is facing at Lucifer. He’s kneeling on the ground and looking so gentle and tender and warm that Mc wants nothing to do but sink into his arms

But if they do so they might fail their classes, and Lucifer will be so disappointed in them

“Lucifer, please, leave me alone. It'll just be for one week, then I'll spend time with you all you want” Mc was now looking at Lucifer, a hint of frustration could be seen in their eyes. They really just need to get past this week, only this week, just one more week then they can rest

But their voice was laced with a hint of desperation. They can't let their grades slip, they can't

And something in Lucifer just breaks at seeing his darling like this.

His brothers' words echoed in his ears

He really is the one to blame for Mc's state here. How could he call himself a deserving partner when he's let Mc slip from him like this?

“No, Mc,” Lucifer whispers so tenderly as he takes their hand into his

“You need to rest, to eat. Come on, love”

He gets up and pulls Mc until they're standing up, then starts guiding them out of the room.

Mc resists weakly. They really feel tired, and they've been ignoring their hunger for-for… how long now?

“But Luci…” They still try protesting, hoping that he could at least let them study while they eat “I'm not done yet with todays studies”

“No, love” Firmness. He opens the door, and continues guiding Mc towards the kitchen “That's enough studying for today, and for tomorrow, if we can help it-”

“No!” Mc turns around so quickly and looks at Lucifer in panic “I can rest for today, but not tomorrow!”

Lucifer just chuckles lightly, feeling amused by their reaction and kisses their forehead

“Alright, you'll rest for today, and then we'll see what happens tomorrow”

Mc just sags and hums, closing their eyes and lean into the kiss, and Lucifer could feel his heart swell in his chest

His Mc is just so adorable

And so Lucifer makes them sit in the kitchen while he makes them a light snack, and watches them eat it. He guides his beloved to his room, where there's nothing they can use to study, and lays them in his bed, joining them so he can engulf them in his embrace.

He watches them as their eyes droop and shut, as their breathing evens out, and their body goes slack in his arms. He watches them for a long time, until sleep gets a hold of him too, and he finds himself drifting away into the land of sleep.

He wakes up to his beloved trying to get up, to leave his arms and go to RAD, but he just shushes them and holds them closer

“Shh, you're not going today. We can ask Satan for notes late. Rest for now, love”

And Mc goes back to sleep in mere minutes, and Lucifer decides to just follow them. He hasn't been around Mc for a whole week, would it be that bad to spend the morning drifting in bed with them?

Soon, Mc stirs and wakes up, and Lucifer feeling them stir opens his eyes. After a quick look at the clock to check how long they've been asleep for, he relents and lets Mc get up

“Where are you going” He squints at them suspiciously as he sees them move towards the door, and they look back sheepishly, like they've just been caught doing something they know they're not supposed to be doing

“I'm going to my room?” Lucifer shakes his head

Mc pouts at Lucifer but obliges, muttering under their breath a quick “Do I really?”

“No, go to the bathroom and take a bath. A long one, Mc. You deserve one”

“Yes, you do” Lucifer sighs and gets off the bed. He moves towards Mc and gently cups their cheeks in his hands

“You deserve to rest, Mc, you've been studying non-stop this past week” He leans forward and kisses their forehead “Now, go take a shower. I saw Asmo sneak in some products for you to use. I'll go prepare some breakfast for us, and we could eat in the garden, how does that sound?”

Mc nods, and Lucifer lets go of them. He goes to prepare some french toast- one of Mc's favorite breakfasts- along with various sweet fruits for them to eat and goes to prepare their little picnic in the garden

Soon, Mc joins him looking far more relaxed than before. He hugs them, his fingers combing through their soft hair as the smell of the strawberry shampoo wafts through the air

“How do you feel love?” He feels Mc's arms around him tighten as Mc snuggles just a bit closer, then they release him. It takes him a moment to release them too

“Better” They say, their voice so soft and they smile so warmly at him, Lucifer almost wants to pull them back into his arms

But he knows that his love hasn't been eating well, and he'd hate for their breakfast to run cold, so instead, he holds their hand and pulls them towards the table he's prepared for them

They eat in silence, enjoying the serenity of the moment, the presence of each other. Lucifer basks in the peace and quiet only the absence of his brothers give him, while Mc's enjoys how calm and silent their mind has become after their rest.

Lucifer seems to notice Mc's mind wandering back to their studies, and he frowns slightly at that

But exams aren't done yet, they still have a week of suffering before it's over. They really should be studying right now

...But they could have this nice morning for themselves. Just this once, as a treat

He lowers his cutlery, and looks at Mc, his expression serious yet soft as he calls for them

“Yes?” They know what Lucifer will try to say, and they know how to respond. They really need to study hard, or else their grades will slip-

“Mc”

Mc turns to look at Lucifer as they pop a bloodshade into their mouth, enjoying the sweet-sour taste of the fruit

“would you stop pushing yourself too hard if I stop too?” Mc startles at this question

“…what?” They stare at Lucifer, tilting their head in confusion. Where did that come from?

He puts his hand over theirs, and Mc sees guilt in his eyes. It's not a good look on him. Mc wants to squish it out of existence

“My love, you're always trying to get me to take a break, and I've always brushed off your concerns. I feel so foolish now,”

“You were acting like a fool, Luci” He huffs out, but mirrors the smile on Mc's face

“Yes, I suppose I was, but if watching me made you feel even half as worried as watching you study, then I ought to apologize to you. I'm truly sorry for brushing off your concerns, Mc, and making you worry about my well-being, and will take as many breaks as you want from me, dear, if you promise to stop overworking yourself"

He brings Mc's hands to his lips and kisses his knuckles, sending a wave of warmth travelling through Mc until it rests in their cheeks

"How does that sound, darling?” he asks and looks at Mc so sincerely that it almost makes them feel overwhelmed

So Mc smiles brightly at Lucifer. They nod, agreeing with this deal, and feel their heart skip a beat at the smile that appeared on Lucifer's face

Mc has known that they were overworking themselves, and maybe the thought that 'if Lucifer can do it then they can too' have crossed their mind once or twice, but they didn't think that Lucifer would get so worried. Worried to they point that he'd put his work aside, basically put Diavolo aside just for them.

Maybe they've pushed themselves too much. Maybe they need to slow down a bit, if only to stop the others from worrying, to stop their boyfriend from worrying.

And this sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Mc is not going to look a gift horse in the mouth

Yes, this is quite the sweet deal they have

—————————————————————

Welp, this was fun! Sorry it took me more time than I thought it would, it was supposed to be a quick thing but, oh well

Also dw I also rant a lot it's like my brain just screams mid-writing You Know What Would Sound Better??!!! So yeah I enjoyed writing this and I really hope you enjoy reading it ^^

Also I really love your energy and I hope you have a fun day/night!!! (Brunch/ lunch /dinner??) :>

[sebaztianlovesgeek]

THE NON CANON PARTS OF THE BLACK BUTLER ANIME IN BOTH SEASON 1 AND 2 AND ALSO THE SPECIALS WERE WILD

(in no particular order)

Ciel hires a random naked dog man who can turn into a giant wolf to be his servant even though he literally does nothing around the manor and just hangs out with Finny all the time

Finny forms a crush on a character we later find out is an angel named Angela and after the dog village arc ends we never hear of his crush again

For the most part the curry arc is the same, but for some reason they decided to change the ending. In the manga Lau and Ranmao killed Nina and her husband, in the anime everyone becomes evil by eating curry, and Sebastian had to feed them all his curry buns to turn them all good again, WHAT??

Sebastian has sex with a Nun in some cult church

Angela took Vincent and Rachel's bodies and stitched them into a weird Frankenstein looking thing because apparently that would combine their souls in the afterlife so they could be together forever

Also the whole thing with Ciel being kidnapped by the cult is never explained despite Queen Victoria and Angela being responsible for the death of his parents, therefore you'd think they'd also be responsible for the whole cult thing? But they would have no reason to sell a 10 year old to be abused by a cult-

Ash (aka Angela because they're the same person) turns Queen Victoria into A FREAKING LOLI

Ciel is framed for drug trafficking

Sebastian is arrested and kept in a torture dungeon for like 3 days where he is BDSM whipped by Angela for some reason

Fred Abberline dies

Fred before he dies mentions he doesn't have any family yet he has a brother who shows up in season 2-

Lau and Ranmao die yet they also show up in season 2

Lizzy gets kidnapped by a doll man and is almost turned into a doll zombie (not a bizarre doll just a doll zombie)

Sebastian ditches Ciel in France for some reason

Ciel finds Undertaker on some random boat and then Undertaker tells him he's gonna freakin' die

London is on fucking fire

Who caused the fire? Pluto. And thats the only part of the story where he is relevant

The final fight between Sebastian and Ash/Angela is fucking awesome though

In season 2 Ciel is just in a suitcase and has amnesia

Alois pokes Hannah's eye out for spilling a drink or something

Ciel and Lizzy try to find a deer or something and everyone thinks they're gonna break up after just 1 argument

Lau even started a gambling thing where people put down their bets on whether or not Ciel and Lizzy were gonna break up

Some weird old lady set random people on fire because she didn't like her husband, for some reason the fire disintegrated the souls so Grell couldn't collect them which doesn't make sense

Some weird bullshit happens on a train with a Pharaoh, a murderer and Sebastian being cool like always

Alois has a dress up party at his house

Soma and Agni cry because Ciel has amnesia

Soma is dressed up as Sherlock Holmes even though black butler takes place before that came out

Lizzy dresses up as a Native American, lets just say she's lucky Twitter didn't exist in the Victorian Era

Kinda like the whole curry thing everyone turns evil except its from music from a magic instrument Hannah plays and not curry, and Sebastian stops it by playing his own music kind of like the final battle in Equestria Girls Rainbow Rocks

Alois crossdresses and turns Ciel bi curious

Sebastian and Claude have sexual tension in the lake

Ciel and Alois have a sword fight, Ciel is thrown off a balcony and Alois is stabbed

"PLEASE HELP ME CLAUDE, HELP ME I'M DYING 😭"

We soon find out about Alois' backstory and it's actually quite sad and hits a bit close to home for me, I won't go into detail but the poor kids been through a lot, Alois is genuinely an interesting and kind of well written character its a shame he was put in the non canon pile of shite

Claude then crushed Alois' skull and takes his soul and puts it in a ring

Kids are getting their eyeballs ripped out and apparently Alois is doing all of this, but for some reason Scotland yard THINKS CIEL IS ALOIS WHICH IS SO DUMB BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN WORKING WITH HIM EVER SINCE HE BECAME THE QUEENS CORGI GUARD DOG

He is taken to some doctor and is dumped into a pool of gatorade to fuse his and Alois' souls

Ciel's backstory is basically half of Alois' and half of Ciel's and thinks Sebastian killed his brother Luca

Ciel doesn't like Claude because Claude is a goober

Hannah does a weird thing with Ciel she like... Possesses him? And his eyeball appears in her mouth or something? I had no idea what was going on

Soon it is revealed Hannah was the one who ate Luca's soul and is now feeling like a mother figure for Alois because of it

Grell shows up again (yay) and she keeps trying to take sexy photos of Sebastian

Soon Claude and Sebastian end up at a maze thingy and they need to answer trivia questions to get to Alois/Ciel's soul

Soon they go to some demon island and they end up fighting using a demon sword while Ciel and Alois talk about shit in some void

Claude fucking dies (rip goober)

Alois' soul is finally set free and the poor kid gets to be with his little brother again

Hannah turns Ciel into a demon so Sebastian can no longer eat his soul so Sebastian just becomes Ciel's butler for all eternity and I lowkey feel bad for him, because yeah eating childrens souls is wrong but BRO WORKED SO HARD HE LITERALLY BANGED A NUN FOR THIS CHILD AND THIS IS THE THANKS HE GETS??

Ciel and Sebastian fake their death, the end of season 2 and a few years after that the ACTUAL CONTINUATION OF THE CANON PARTS come out

Ciel in wonderland is very silly

Sebastian as the rabbit is hot for some reason, does that make me a furry?

There is a lot of weird fan service, for example Ranmao keeps shoving her boobs and butt into Ciel's face... LADY THAT IS A 13 YEAR OLD YOU CANT DO THAT-

I'm glad it wasn't canon because I love Ranmao and she would never do that in canon

Madame Red as the queen of hearts is very cool

Weebalu already mentioned this but I wish J Michael Tatum (Sebastian's dub voice actor) did a Alice In Wonderland audiobook in the Sebastian voice

The one where Ciel puts on a play for hamlet was funny, the part where they're practicing is funny because its like an actual theatre club

Soma and Agni are the kids who are always eating, Ciel is the kid who just sucks at acting, Grell is the one who is great at acting but is very annoying and Sebastian is the theatre teacher who wants to commit kms because of all of these stupid kids

Ranmao is seaweed

Grell tries to commit incest during the play-

The special where its basically a 'behind the scenes' thing kind of like an actor AU

Sebastian is a fucking 2010's boy band looking lad

Grell is just amazing in this

In the final "trailer" Grell got pregnant, Queen Victoria built a giant robot, Claude tried to destroy the world with the fucking moon, Hannah... Uhhh lets not talk about what she did, a whole load of "I am your father" type plot twists took place and Alois was Ciel and Sebastian's great great great great great great grand-

The special where theres this character who's basically a self insert but she's a white girl so if you're not either of those its kind of hard getting into it (cries in gay guy)

The POV shots look like something out of Dora The Explorer

Soma wants to marry us for some reason, I wouldn't mind that he's cute

We also get kidnapped by Viscous Druitt for no reason and then Sebastian and Grell save us from a boat in the middle OF THE OCEAN

Finally Will The Reaper (I'm sure there are more specials but I'm lazy)

Grelliam galore

Probably one of the best specials because Grell and William are the main focus and they're just the absolute best

[softgrungeprophet]

Radiant Black Rundown

(aka: Nadia is going to make a rec post for something that isn't Spider-Man or Spider-Man adjacent for once)

(aka "Please read Radiant Black")

(Radiant Black #10)

This is all subjective, obviously, but for me...

Positives:

All the characters are adults, ranging from their 20s (Eva), to 30s (Nathan, Marshall, Satomi), to 50s or 60s (Wendell)

The characters are specific. They have specific personalities, backgrounds, priorities and expertise. They are people with emotions and flaws and lives.

The main characters (Nathan and Marshall) are codependent vaguely homoerotic best friends with a slightly imbalanced dedication to one another (unrequited love?), plus some jealousy (drama!)

Despite occasional clunkiness, does a decent job at mixing humor and seriousness, angst, drama, etc. "Are you an angel?" "No, ma'am, I'm a millennial" did make me laugh.

Diverse characters and creators: Some co-writers include (but are not limited to) Cherish Chen, Melissa Flores, streamer Meghan Camarena, and Chicago local Laurence Holmes, and they're all very skilled at collaborating with each other and with Kyle to breathe life into the characters and their motivations.

And all of the Radiants are brunettes! (lol)

Not a lot of crossovers (basically none) despite being part of a larger universe (the Massive-verse), and not a ton of issue hopscotch (still some).

The stakes are often very personal (most of the time). These characters may have to save the world but they're also all kind of fuck-ups in some way, and are still mostly dealing with their personal and private lives and loved ones, which grounds it.

"Officially," only Eva is queer (afaik) but to me, Marshall also reads as pretty strongly gay or bi-coded, and Satomi gives off some kind of gender thing (to me). With a mix of actual queer WLW/lesbian romance in Radiant Pink and some interesting subtext in the main Radiant Black comics, plus whatever Radiant Red's got going on, I think there's a lot to sink your teeth into in that regard, or at least to go "AUGH" about LOL

Also there's real cool art—

(Radiant Black #17)

(Radiant Black #10)

(RB #10 again — issue 10 whips ass, okay? I have the UV-reactive fluorescent ink printing of this issue... and I don't own a blacklight, unfortunately 😂)

(Costa is the main artist for all of the above panels, with colors by Triona Farrell (#17) and Igor Monti (#10), but I'm a big fan of Ferigato's pencils on the Marshall-focused issues too, plus Lafuente and Muerto's work in Radiant Red is killerrrrrr)

Neutrals:

All the Radiants' eye markings are animated/emotive (except Yellow). Personally, I'm mixed on expressive masks and helmets. (Big shock, I know 😂) I don't dislike the animated eyes, and I get why they're useful, but I prefer the less animated helmet "faces" so far.

Cosmic world-saving stuff — If you know me, you know I tend to prefer street-level superhero stuff, but I think the high-stakes action works in Radiant Black because it's still grounded in the personal and still has that street-level element, so I'm not too bothered by this. (I also like sci-fi, which helps)

Negatives:

Some people over-emphasize just how groundbreaking and different Radiant Black actually is. Like I get it, hype it up, but sometimes it is a little funny to be like "this has never been done before!" and it's like, idk about that 😂

Occasionally it does lean a little into referential humor and quips, but it's got plenty of actually funny jokes, and the dialogue flows naturally most of the time and isn't just a vessel for snappy one-liners, thank God. But if you're like me, sometimes you may roll your eyes.

It takes some time to find its feet (imo), but even then it's still generally engaging. To me, issues 9 and 10 are where it really hits its stride and not long after that is where it takes off running.

There is some issue/series hopping — While there's not a ton of issue hopping, there are some minor details that make more sense if you have read some of the auxiliary issues/miniseries. Luckily, it's not a huge amount of reading.

Prison is where you go to atone 🤡 I didn't like it in Spider-Man: Redemption and I don't like it here lol but Eva seemed unimpressed in volume 4, so I'm hoping it'll have some nuance as I catch up.

Wonky numbering. It's not too bad (and if you read the trade paperbacks, it's a non-issue) but there is a plot thing that happens that means all the issues after #24 (until #30 and #30.5, afaik) have special numbering

(Radiant Black #11)

Radiant Reading List:

Note: here is a really great, in-depth, incredibly precise Massive-verse reading list put together by a fan — It has issue-by-issue and page-by-page instructions for the real chronology sickos out there, and is just a generally fantastic resource/timeline reference.

But here is my personal (way less precise) reading list for Radiant Black plus its auxiliaries, minus all the other stuff:

Radiant Black v. 1 (#1-6)

Radiant Black v. 2 (#7-12)*

Shift #1-4 (not #5)*

Radiant Red (#1-5)*

Supermassive (2022)**

Radiant Black v. 3 (#13-18)

Radiant Black v. 4 (#19-24)

Radiant Pink (#1-5)***

Supermassive (2023)

Radiant Black v. 5 (#25-27.5)

Radiant Black v. 6 (#28-30.5) (issues #30 and #30.5 will be out in October 2024, so volume 6 tpb probably not until the holidays if I had to guess... unfortunately for me 😂)

Shift #5****

Supermassive (2024)****

Notes:

*Okay, so.... parts of Shift and Radiant Red technically occur simultaneously w/ each other and also overlap some w/ Radiant Black #9 and #10, so you probably actually want to stop at Radiant Black #9, then do Shift and Radiant Red, and then return to Radiant Black at #10, but in my opinion, all that really matters is you read Shift before Radiant Red, whether you slot them between Radiant Black issues 9 and 10, or just read whole trades at a time, whichever you find more practical or convenient. I... did both lol

That being said: don't read Shift #5 until… later, as it was a very recent addition for the Shift collected edition and takes place significantly later in the main plot.

**Supermassive 2022 is a pretty simple single issue crossover mini-event/annual with Inferno Girl Red and Rogue Sun, and doesn't really require reading the others' stories nor does it really affect any real plot, but it does offer a tiny bit of context to Radiant Black's main storyline that I found kind of crucial lol — like is it Necessary? No. Does it clarify one (1) little detail? Yes.

***Radiant Pink can probably be read at any point after Radiant Black issue #12, but I happen to be reading it in this order lol

****The in-depth Massive-verse reading guide I linked earlier says to read Shift #5 in the middle of Radiant Black #28.5 and Supermassive 2024 between Radiant Black #29.5 and #30, so ideally... during volume 6, but since 30 and 30.5 aren't even out yet... well. Good luck!

After 30.5 is out I believe the Radiant Black team will be taking a hiatus iirc, which is reasonable.

There is not yet a Radiant Yellow mini, and idk when one will be released. There have been a couple of delays in the Massive-verse over the past year or so, for a variety of reasons (it's massive!), and I'm guessing Yellow's solo got pushed back. Hopefully it will be out sooner rather than later but we'll see! Obviously the teams creating all of this have been working their asses off so, you know, it happens LOL

Personally I'm subscribed to Kyle's newsletter, which is probably one of the best ways to get updates. It can and often does contain spoilers, but you can do what I do and just scroll really fast past them lol

In practice you can just mainline Radiant Black and ignore everything else and be fine, but I think the other Radiants, Shift and Supermassive offer useful context as far as character motivation and juicy stuff like that goes— Especially since Shift deals with the origins of multiple antagonists, and Radiant Red has some main plot implications for Satomi. Useful to know, etc.

Anyway. That got long, but hopefully not too long to be useful.

Stay Radiant ⦵

(Radiant Red #3)

[meafortuna]

ASTRO NOTES #4

I was thinking this was going to be a synastry one, but it turns out it will be a mix. 😅 Enjoy and don’t take anything personal! 🫶

• Mars in Aquarius it’s so unpredictable when it comes to their anger. It will be easier to explain, if you imagine the following situation - The native tries to unlock the door 9 times and the door doesn’t open. Our person seems pretty cool… and then on the 10 time they just start to 🌪️, u know. 😁 Well after five minutes everything is just fine, but that 5 minutes would be hell for you if you stand in their way. And don’t touch them, ok, that will make their craziness go even worst. ⚠️

• Moon in Gemini u are so bi polar, everything in you is such a mess. I mean… your emotions swinging with your thoughts, just like the Moon changing her phases. Ocean of thoughts, that’s you guys. 💭 Really moody, always overthinking, anxious, but deserves the world. *at least that’s the funniest Moon sign and who doesn’t love to laugh?! love ya! 🫶 ♊️

• In synastry if there is a Chiron conjunct Moon or vice versa it can be really helpful for the natives. The Moon person recognise the pain in Chiron person and tries to heal them from their past traumas. For the Chiron one it seems easier to open up in front of Moon and that doesn’t make them feel ashamed of their wounds. Really beautiful connection, accept there are some hard aspects. ❤️‍🩹🌓

• Does anyone have problem to recognise a Pisces Sun?! 🐠I don’t know if i am crazy, but they all are so different from each other, and i have a lot pisces around me… Maybe cause Pisces collect in themselves all the qualities of the other 11 signs, or maybe because they are ruled by Neptune and can afford to be whatever they want or don’t know who they are, because of that Neptune influence. Like the water they can be calm, stormy, deep… And one more thing which it’s not necessarily true, just my observation. Most of the Pisces i know have a water rising. 💦

• Mercury RX = Mercury conjunct Uranus or in Aquarius. 🤝 They just don’t know how to express themselves in a right way. Super smart, different point of view, innovative, but it’s hard for them to explain what they wanna to say. Always thinking they are misunderstood or some kind of weird, which only feeds their God complex, they love to feel different. ( Aqua guys are with the biggest God complex of all zodiac signs). 😅

• Pluto conjunct Nessuss it’s so powerful aspect to have. These natives transform the pain into strength, very healing power! 🧡On the topic of Nessuss i want to warn you, if you have personal planets conjunct/square Nessuss in synastry, please be careful with that person, especially with the conjunctons to Moon, Venus and Mars. That’s an indicator for having a violent relationship. I noticed Moon conjunct Nessuss most of the times it’s a sign for emotional or mental abuse. Mars square Nesuss for physical abuse. If you have some of this aspects with someone, please don’t ignore. 🙏

• You can always spot a Taurus men, because they will do anything to see them. 🤡 They will try so hard to get your attention in some kind of funny way, with their silly jokes. But they are not funny at all, I mean their sense of humor it’s so… conventional. For me is irritating, maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m wrong. 😅

• Native with Saturn in Pisces in sixth house it is an indicator for the individual have to grown earlier, also there can be some cases where there is a violence in the family or an abscent father. Person with this position of Saturn was forced to take care for things and people that are not their responsibilities, since they were a kid. There are so many suppressed emotions in them. Really important for them will be to learn how to set healthy boundaries and to look more often what’s going on with their health. The good thing with this placement is that after their 30 (Saturn return) the things going to start getting better. I promise! 🫶 🪐♓️

~meafortuna 💙

[kosmicdream]

Please don’t think of me as a male artist.

..is what i used to feel, for many years, even when I finally came out as trans. In a way, its one of the factors that kept me from pursuing HRT (which im so glad i finally did.) After only one year, my feeling on this hasn’t evaporated completely but i suppose I kind of don’t care anymore about how I am interpreted, as a person/artist, ect.. It isn’t something i can be in control of anyway, which upsets me less than it used to.

Sometimes in the past, the way i write characters has often been analyzed by the gender I am, or appear to be - that my male characters were written like how a woman writes men (too emotional/vulnerable, ect) , or how my female characters are written thoughtlessly- like how a man would. (too horny, stupid, violent, ect.) Its not a new way to analyze a story but I can’t say that it doesn’t annoy me. It could still be true that my characters/writing could fall into sexist/problematic archetypes, but gendering my work based on the way my characters act always reminds me of the “you draw like a girl/boy” comments, which used to be more frequent when i was a teen.. But the idea that boys = angular, good at cars! Or something and girls are, i dunno, gonna draw sexy anime men or something. Even as a teenager, i hated this idea that my art was “girl art.” Truthfully, i always viewed my art and myself as an artist as genderfluid, maybe even a type of drag performance, where i can explore any gender and not be limited by my body, it was my escape from that. Which naturally, it became my place to explore gender presentation and eventually helped me “crack my egg” of realizing i was a trans man.

I do think its important to reflect or regard my work as the art made by a trans man, or transmasculine person. I feel more and more just like “just a dude” these days. I am also a gay man. I think those things are important to my work. I think that the analysis of my work in regards to my identity as a person is important to reflect on. I also think the steps I took to get there were important, that transformation and my continued exploration of my older selves and more “label-less” self in the art i make. That’s a private space for me, that I happen to share with the world too. I feel the audience is part of my work too, I welcome it even. I have become part of the audience too and I look at my work as if I’m also a stranger. The older my work gets, the more of it I can study, the more I can see plainly how I got here and also it feels so confusing how it did. I try to study my art to help me find where I want to go to next, a map to guide me. 

In some ways, I feel more lost than I did before, where all my instinct was pushing me was just to grow and explore as much as possible. Now, I don’t have that same type of energy that I used to. Its not a bad thing, its just different. There’s a sense of duty and commitment and a sense of dread of the time it takes to do what I feel compelled to do on this step of my journey. I am trying to focus more on the things I used to think I was incapable of before and I’m trying to remember the things I used to think were so effortless. I can tell my art is sharper but it feels almost like a mimicry of my older selves - at least when I revisit old work to continue its journey past where its been frozen in time. Comics take a long time, after all, it's normal that after a few years - a story might be yours, but it feels like it belongs to the past of you too, maybe more than it does in the present. I like the commitment I have to my comics though, its not a burden to me. The feeling is strange anyway. 

I tend to think that 1-3 years of a project being made, those are the honeymoon years of the relationship. But you hit a wall in 4-5 years and sometimes you’re in denial about it, you try to keep the dreams and feeling alive as you drag it forward, and sometimes the project really reaches its end around 8-10 years and it becomes a type of empty promise to return to it. Not that this is true for every artist, every project, ect. But I think its a natural lifespan for comics that I’ve observed, and it's because it is uncomfortable to face morality and the morality of our own art. Art is this escape, and when it becomes a job - or an uncomfortable mirror into these things about ourselves, about our failures and promises we couldn’t manage to make, the pressures of the audience, the boredom of the task if you have already told yourself the story a thousand times and you have no longer a desire to continue it, ect - its a normal and natural feeling to want to drop it off a cliff. Blow it up, start over fresh - I know the feeling! Its happened many times. But its kind of temporary? Then, it cycles back to nostalgia - and the desire to create and recreate and reform the past to something tangible again.. uh

Sorry, sorry.. I am getting far from the point I started with. Not that any of this makes too much sense, I feel like writing it anyway. It bothers me that the fantasy of art to me, is the ability to dissolve yourself and stop existing, you are the creator creating. You don’t need to be confined by, really anything. It is in “your control” now, and you surrender your own control by falling into the art and letting it “lead you” places. This is a very seductive process and while it might temporarily be fulfilling (even when done for a lifetime) cannot really.. What.. completely fill the void of whatever you’re chasing down there? Its nice though. At least, when I think about when i first started drawing comics, it was to draw Vash the Stampede (from the original 98 anime series, i hate the new one. We’re not talking about there here) coming out of my television after a thunderstorm and he had to just live in my house now. It was the closest thing I could do to actually manifesting that as reality, of making this amazing anime husband come to life to just like live with me now and be my boyfriend. In a lot of ways I don’t see my pursuit of writing ocs, specifically male ones, really much different from this same desire of like “i can just make my perfect boyfriend!” born out of the loneliness I felt in my heart, and the fear that there is no boyfriend out there for me so i need to frankenstein my own - and this boyfriend will be poifect in every way. Or like, crafting the perfect “relationship” in replace the lack of one, or just the fantasy of watching very abstract extremes come to life in various puppets i crafted, beating the shit out of each other for entertainment. But to subject all these.. Abstract Internal conflicts as simply like a “boy author thing” or “girl author thing” is like.. Tiring. Are we really not past that? (Of course not.) 

Like there’s some hidden truth to the way someone might write/draw, the way that “makes sense” in retrospect once the identity of the author is analyzed and discovered.. How can you make sense of the self, let alone the other .. and In a way that’s permanent? And gendered? Does art now have an inherent sex characteristic? But I cannot deny that I do want my art to look and feel like part of who I am, what I have chosen to sexually identify as - a transgender, a man, a faggot. I DO identify as a sexual deviant, but that is hilarious because I have been single for so long at this point I can’t even remember in a tangible way what that felt like and I question if I ever felt it or experienced it “for realsies” because of the experiences I have had or havent didn’t feel very fulfilling or romantic, despite that being something I desire so much - and so I feel like a failure. And to create art just based on the fantasy of desire rather than the lived reality, can it even really display what that would actually be like. So its embarrassing, right? 

I have worked on my art a lot and I have often thought, or come to the conclusion (true or not) that my singleness is the result of my pursuit and dedication to art - which is the pursuit of self isolation and protection from harm. From influence, from acknowledging that life can exist and someday end. And when you work on projects for years and years, the pride/shame dichotomy only gets more.. Weird. It gets weird, guys! It always was weird, but.. I just think about so many my heroes, my art inspirations, working decades on their art.. I follow in their footsteps too and it feels scarier and lonelier than I expected it to be. And the more and more I realized that as a reality, as my 20s faded away, the more I kept walking. I wasn’t gonna stop now, even if I could, I don’t want to and its not hard to do other things too. I have a slower pace than I used to (thank god) and gets slower but I’m still moving. 

I don’t post or write my little art journals as much as I used to. Mostly cause I don’t really have anything good to say and it kinda feels embarrassing to post them too LOL. But.. whatever!! Its been a weird four months of me being off work and I’m about to go back to being a normal working person again.. But its like, its weird to tell people about your art when they ask about what you do. Its like “oh yeah, i draw webcomics” and they wont get it, you’ll say - “yeah its 8,000 pages long” and they’ll say, “thats a lot!” and it is. They’re very nice about it, but there’s a lack of satisfaction there with what that means. I don’t expect it, that’d be dumb as hell. Its nice to take a break from it too, to discover other sides of myself I never let shine because i stayed indoors for a decade, but its a weird feeling too. Like, what will it mean in the end? I don’t really know. 

I don’t think I need “success” to feel like this was worth it, its not like a trophy is gonna come in the mail for the good workTM I’ve done - there is no closure to the work I make even when a story finishes. I have to keep going regardless of that, and its strange to know it won’t ever feel done. But I am so thirsty for that temporary itch to be scratched, it keeps me working every day for the “maybe” of what that might feel like. Kinda silly, really. Is it my “male” pride that demands recognition? Would respect be given more freely if I had “remained” to be perceived as a woman, for subverting the expectations for what a woman can/can’t write? (lol) Is my value as a person determined by that sort of thing in my art? I don’t think of my pride as gendered, but I know its there and I know because of who I say I am, my pride will be gendered by others. I think when I was a woman, that pissed me off more than now because.. Well.. I wasn’t even living as the way i wanted to. I still don’t really live as the way I want to, the way I want to be perceived, but even being on HRT for a little more than 1 year, without much else lifestyle changes, I feel a little more at peace not mattering what others will take away from me or what i write about. I have a lot of my own expectations for myself and what i write about and that concerns me far more. 

I don’t really know how else to end this, I’m going to eat chocolate now. Oh, to answer your question (?) if you might have this one: can I think of you as a male artist, kosmic? sure. I am one after all.

[georgiapeach30513]

Just Like the Caged Bird, Part 10

Summary: Andy gets jealous

Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings:  Explicit language, explicit sexual content, sex in a work place, oral sex (F receiving), getting caught, obsession, possession, breeding kink, manipulations, depictions of grief, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.8K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

Andy sighs, removing his fingers from the keyboard. Normally he would have his office door closed, hoping to keep people from bothering him. But not on days that you worked. You are the best kind of distraction. He has to keep twisting his head to look out his door to see you on the phone, or making copies for him.

You brightened up the office whether you realized it or not. Even when you got overwhelmed or confused, and needed to ask him something. And the joy that spreads across your face when he helps you figure something out. You caught up to things quickly, and he wished you didn’t. It would mean more time with him.

You had a need to please him, and you did. Every bit of movement you did felt like it was just for him. And now he gets to see you in pencil skirts, heels, button up blouses, dresses — this is his favorite fantasy. Even when he shouldn’t have been looking at you, he knew you would grow up into the woman you are. And now you were his and he could look at you whenever he damn well pleased.

There were some minor setbacks to get you to him, and he is sorry that his brother had to pass in order for him to have you. What he isn’t sorry for is the fact that he knew you were always his. Jake was always a place holder, but he hated the fact that he had you first. However, you were now slowly coming around, and so reactive to him.

It is incredible to see you listen and obey. The way you longed for his touch, and melted into him. You deserved to be spoiled in ways that no one ever has. Men were always leaving you. Your father was off into oblivion. Your brothers were always leaving for something or other. Jake decided the army was more important than spending time with his wife, and what did it cause him? He hates thinking about his brother like that, but Andy has no intentions of leaving you.

He’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t hear your heels clicking towards his office. Placing a hand on the doorframe, you lean into his office with the most beautiful smile. “It’s a bit slow today,” you start talking. Your nickname of Songbird makes even more sense with how melodic you sound.

“You can’t leave for the day.”

“I didn’t want to,” he watches as your hand rubs up and down the door frame, your smile getting larger. “I was wondering if you’d like me to go get us some coffee.”

“There’s a coffee machine in the break room,” he gives you a little smirk, already deciding that yes, he was going to let you go get some coffee. You said ‘us’.

”Yes, but that’s just boring K Cups. Wouldn’t you like a latte? Maybe a shaken espresso?”

“Would that make you happy, sweetheart?” He swears, and you could break his heart from your wide grin. Nodding your head in excitement. You stand up straight in the door, and he gets to see your entire body on display. Your outfit is perfect for him. Hugging every curve of your body. Work got both harder and better because of you. “Fine, surprise me. Nothing too sweet, and no vanilla. Here, let me get you my card.”

“Andy! I wanted to do something nice for you.”

“Then come sit in my lap, and give me a kiss. You’ll have paid me in full,” you may give him a coy smile, shaking your head, but you close the door to go sit on his lap. He grabs ahold of your hips starting a slow grind on him. “I don’t think you realize how much I have wanted you.”

“I have an idea,” you whisper, leaning into his neck. Your dangerous game starts early today. Panting on his neck, while you whisper his name. He plays his games, too. Edging himself so when he does get you he goes harder and deeper than you thought possible. Knowing that even though his cock is hardening under your ass that he won’t act on his primal need to have you.

“Have you thought about my suggestion,” you whimper onto his neck. Pressing open mouth kisses behind the shell of his ear, and he moves you harder. “Don’t change the subject. I took your temp this morning. You’re not ovulating.”

“I don’t know if that works,” answering honestly. Why did he always want to talk about things of this nature while you’re distracted? It’s like you couldn’t fully concentrate on either one, and you would just go with whatever he decided.

“It’s worked for enough people. It’ll work on you,” his words are a bit hard as he thrusts up. Pushing your front onto his desk, and he gets to his knees. Rucking up your skirt. His calloused fingers hook under the expensive thong he had bought you, moving it aside. He buries his face in your wet heat. Tongue lapping up your juices.

Andy begins to kitten lick your clit. Giving the little nub a nip before he paints butterflies on your core with every stroke of his tongue. Fucking your cunt with his thick muscle, and then back to sucking your clit. Back and forth. Pleasuring and stopping. Confusing your body until you're pushing yourself onto his tongue while he kneels behind you.

Fingers gripping onto the edge of the desk, and you search for that release. Using his face and tongue for your enjoyment. Can feel his devilish smirk on your center. You mewl out in pleasure when you glance behind you. Seeing him burrow so deep into your folds you feel like you’re about to explode.

“Mr. Barber?” You push him off you so fast, collapsing onto the floor in front of him, hiding from his partner’s secretary, and Andy stands up. Straightening his tie. Using his hand to wipe off your juices from his face, he clears his throat. “I’m sorry. I’ll knock next time.”

”Janice? This — she’s my girlfriend.”

”I didn’t ask,” the older woman walks out of his office, and Andy looks down at you with a smirk.

He places his thumb along your bottom lip. Rubbing the smooth skin back and forth before pushing it into your mouth, and you suckle the appendage. Staring up at him with wide eyes. “Your cunt’s showing,” you try to shrug away from his thumb so you can right your skirt. “Uh uh. I like the view. Looking all innocent and vulnerable all because someone saw me feasting on that pretty little pussy. It’s new for me, too.”

“But you’re the man,” you mumble of his thumb before he pulls it out of your mouth. Reaching a hand down to you, and you take it. You stand up, and pull down your skirt. “I don’t want people to think I got this job because we’re sleeping together. I don’t want the news here to be that you’re fucking your office manager. You want to be the DA.”

”I’m fucking my girlfriend. I have you here to spend more time with you because I have a busy schedule. And anytime you and I are behind closed doors, how about we make sure to lock it? They see you arrive with me, and leave with me. Honey, what do you think they thought you were? You’re not some bimbo that I use as a fleshlight. Now, here’s my card. Go buy us some coffee. No vanilla.”

“Caramel?” Your mouth turns up in a sheepish grin. With the sun shining through the window, Andy’s hair looks a bit darker. Too often you get glimpses of what your sunshine boy would look like if he was allowed to get older. You decided to quit denying that part of your attraction to Andy is his resemblance to Jake. Was it wrong? Possibly. But it was your life and your conflicting thoughts.

“Sweetheart, surprise me. No vanilla though,” you grab onto his card, and turn away to get a cute little love tap on your ass. Having to stop yourself when you turn around because that was Jake’s favorite move. And the feeling is too familiar, and you wish it was Jake instead.

Andy’s head lifts up when he hears your giggle. His smile spreads out wide across his face, faltering just a bit when he sees you on the phone animatedly talking to someone as you balance the two coffees in your arms. Pushing into the building. He is almost worried until you give him your warm smile. But it doesn’t stop him from wondering just who you’re talking to.

Bringing him his drink, you give him a quick peck just beside his lips before turning back towards the front, “Yeah, I’ll be home tonight,” he stops his drinking as his steady eyes follow you. Practically glaring as you sit down at your desk. “Okay, but last time you got to choose the movie.”

Fucking Bucky Barnes. Or his little brother. Either way you casually said you were going home tonight. Which was the plan, but you said it so happily. Like you are ready to leave Andy. And all he could think about is the next time that you were going to be with him. Jealousy isn’t the word. He’s angry. His house should be your home, and not some temporary apartment.

You are flirting with Bucky or Steve right in front of him. How could you casually forget all the ways he made you feel? He was just feasting on your juices. He wondered if Bucky knew just how you crumbled before him? What pretty little sounds you made when he filled you up with pleasure, and it was time he filled you up with him.

“Let me ask him. Hold on,” Andy is lost in all the ways he wants to feel himself inside of you, and have Bucky know who you belonged to. Steve knew who you always belonged to, and it was him. “Andy?”

He knew what he had to do. Bucky is getting in the way of what Andy deserved. He waited too long for you. He was patient. Waited on you to be legal and then watched in agony as you fell for Jensen. It was his turn now, and this was the endgame. There is no other option but you and him.

“Andy?”

“Hmm?” He looks up from his hands, staring blankly at you. Still on the damn phone.

“To save time Bucky said he can come pick me up after work.”

“It’s okay,” that is the wrong thing to say as you scrunch up your nose. “I don’t mind driving you back to the apartment,” clear words. That place isn’t your home. He is. “It just means more time with you. And I thought you were going to make me food?”

“You said you had a lot to do with your case. Bucky is just trying to help you out,” of course he is. Bucky is just trying to get in the middle of the greatest thing that has ever happened to him. You rest the phone on your shoulder, giving him a sweet smile, “Remember what I told you I was going to do when we are apart?”

Pictures and video calls would never be the same. It isn’t enough. Only you were enough. But he is beginning to notice when he pushes you too hard the harder you pull away. He’s going to give you this moment even though everything inside him is screaming to wrap you up in his warmth. “I look forward to every part of you,” he answers vaguely. “Fine, tell Bucky he can pick you up.”

“And we're just ordering pizza. You need to stop procrastinating with your work, too. I’m a bad influence,” well that sounds like you didn’t even want him there with you. You need alone time with Bucky. “But if you want to join us, what’s your favorite kind of pizza?”

“Pepperoni and Italian sausage, but you’re right,” you are, but he didn’t didn’t like Bucky. One of these days you would be living completely with Andy, so he supposed it didn’t matter now. But Bucky had to go. You didn’t need guy friends. You should just want Andy. “What are you going to do?”

“I keep telling Bucky we need to watch Neverending Story, but he’s suggesting Hellraiser.”

“Your choice is better,” his choice sounds like a great way to have you clinging to him while you are alone. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book. There is a reason that guy liked to watch horror movies. Childish. Neverending Story is safe. It isn’t scary.

“I knew it! Thanks, Andy. He’ll be here around quitting time to pick me up,” and Andy would make sure that Bucky knew exactly how affected you are by him. It isn’t much but it would have to do. You’d just have to learn that if you were going to that dumb apartment, he would leave a mark. Or a few.

Andy takes a quick look at his watch, noting the time and how it is almost time for Bucky to collect you. If he is going to have to be away from you then he’d make sure you kept a part of him, and also felt him the entire time you were away from him. He could already feel your supple skin under his fingers. It’s a feeling he would never grow tire of.

He says your name, and like the sweet and shy girl you are, you stand up quickly and saunter into his office, “Lock the door,” his voice is so low and deep you almost don’t hear it. His intentions are clear in what he wants, so you do as you're told, but hesitate locking the door.

“Bucky will be here soon.”

“I know. And you’re talking is delaying our time. Better hurry, my beautiful sweet, Songbird,” your eyes flutter shut as you lock the door, and slowly glide towards Andy. He holds up a hand for you, pulling you closer to the chair he’s sitting on. Bending over, his mouth presses right into the sensitive shell of your ear, and his thumb rubs over your hand.

You feel yourself going into that space. Completely trusting and full of lust, “I need to get you a car. We’ll do that next weekend.”

“Too soon,” is all you manage to get out as Andy stands, towering over you. His thumb is still tracing circles on you as he pushes you back onto the desk. Dropping your hand to ruck up your skirt. Yanking down your panties so fast, and he stuffs them in his pocket, “Andy.”

“If you’re going to be away from me, I need to remember you. And you’re going to remember me,” stretching out his fingers, he lays his hand flat on your belly. Rubbing over your soft skin before dipping lower. He creates gentle circles on your clit with his thumb, his fingers remaining splayed out on your belly. He bends over your spread body, and you’re forced to keep your legs wide to accommodate his body as he grinds into you.

“You and I are the real deal. And you were worth the wait. I’ll continue to wait on you and the right timing for you. But you said you didn’t want birth control. Do you trust me?” His free hand grabs yours, and he begins to paint circles with his thumb. That motion that relaxes you, and makes your thoughts immediately go to your husband. The current situation mixes with your favorite memories. Andy’s slacks create a delicious friction on your core. And you move back to him for a now.

Your eyes are a black pool of lust. Pupils blown out wide and letting him know the animalistic pull you have for him. You want a home and a family. You want to trust him. You want a simple life. You want to scream and run. You want to be held tightly and have someone tell you everything okay. You want someone to tell you that your feelings are valid. And you’re so fucking scared. Scared to lose. Scared to be alone. Scared of disappointing anyone. And that’s all you have been doing. You want to trust, and there’s a tiny piece that doesn’t.

“Songbird, you look so beautiful like this,” he whispers into your ear, kissing that spot just behind it, and he starts undoing his pants. “I need you so much right now. Trust me. Please.”

An engrained feeling spurts up your throat and you nod your head, “I trust you,” you choke out. Immediately you feel his silky steel rod crash into your warmth without warning. Your back arches up off the desk, and he pounds into you with more force than he ever has before. Implanting himself deep into your core, and demanding that you remember him when he’s not around. “Andy, they’ll hear,” you try to keep your words even and steady, but they’re a pathetic breathy tone.

JJ never pushed into you this hard. It’s a punishing pleasure. You shouldn’t have entertained Andy for this long. Much less this far. And yet, you couldn’t stay away. Your mind and body playing a game of what you want and what you need, and you are tired of fighting.

His hands grip onto your hips so tightly, and his body ruts into you with so much force you see stars. Juices spew out around him, and you dare to peek. Lifting up to see the severe stretch he’s causing you.

Watching as he impales your body. Keeping you full and filled with him. Having to grab onto his arms to brace yourself with each pounding thrust. “I will have every part of you. Every bit, okay?”

“Yes,” you mewl up at him. Your eyes glassed over in pleasure as you feel your tummy heat up. Everything is overwhelming. Andy is intense in more than his motions. Giving a gleeful smile when he hears a door close out front, but all you see is his handsome face. “Andy,” you’re able to bumble out. “Andy.”

It’s just so much. Too much. Flashes of moments when JJ acted like this. Squinting your eyes you see your beautiful sunshine boy. You were supposed to have beautiful babies with that man, and you got dog tags, and his rings. Everything is flying in your mind as you start to lose control. Moments in time blurring with the present.

Wanting the past. Fearing the future. Overwhelmed by the present. What was the right choice? Would he hate you? Does he know that you sometimes saw JJ in him? Did he know how much you missed your husband and what was supposed to be? Did he know you had yours and JJ’s life planned out to perfection and now you’ll never get it with him?

Your fingers dig into his forearms as he races for the finish. Cooing something down to you, but you can’t see. You just see Jake. You feel him. You smell his cologne. You miss him so much, and this moment is transforming, and you can’t stop the words from spewing out. “I want your babies,” you croak out, swallowing deeply before saying his name. Your voice is hardly audible. Andy doesn’t even hear them words that spewed out of your mouth.

“What’s that? What?”

More feelings rushing into your chest as those deep blue eyes look into your soul, “I — I…Andy,” you got his name right, and the words dissipate back into your throat. He isn’t JJ, and you don’t love him like that. You hope you can. And fear that you will.

“I need you to trust me,” he crashes into your one more time. Your walls cling tight to his girth as his warm seed spurts into your belly, and you yelp up at him. “You’re not ovulating,” he says breathlessly. Pressing a hand on your belly again. Nobody had ever had that part of you, and you’re left feeling overwhelmed. The fear never edges away, but only increases as you process what just transpired. “It’s too soon anyways. But I want this with you. I’ve always wanted it with you. Okay?”

You nod your head at him, still unsure of what to feel. “I’ve always wanted you. Even when I shouldn’t,” he pulls himself out of you slowly. Using his fingers to paint your swollen cunt with his spunk. “I just keep seeing moments of us really trying for a family. I need you to want what I want. Be on the same team. I’d give us a good life. You’d never want for anything. I’d get along with your brothers, I would make myself do that for you. Can you,” his fingers stuff themselves inside of you, and you wince. “Do you want that?”

“I don’t know,” his mouth goes flat, and he finally looks up from your center. “Andy this is a lot all at once.”

“He’s never coming back. Don’t chase a ghost.”

“I’m not,” your voice comes out harsh, and you push his fingers away from you. Sitting up on the desk, and you glare at him. “I love him. Still. That is your brother. And you’re clouding my brain with your perfectness, and I’m getting bombarded with — memories, and I can’t decipher what is here and now, and what was then. Just stop. It’s so much. And I can’t…it’s like I can’t breathe.”

“You’re blowing this out of proportion,” you scoff. Standing up to pull your skirt down. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.”

“Andy, you’re making this much more serious than I’m ready to make it right now. I’m learning to grow and move forward. But…I need some space to not allow him to seep through,” those were the wrong words. But Andy doesn’t get angry, he looks hurt.

“When — who did you see just now? Me or him? Are you envisioning having sex with my baby brother when I’m the one that’s fucking you?”

“Not on purpose.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? I’m giving you every bit of me. Every bit that I didn’t give Laurie. I never loved her like I do you. I didn’t even want kids with her because they were never going to be yours. And then you tell me that while I have fantasies of you swollen with our first child, and your rings shining in the light that you saw Jake. How do you think that makes me feel? All I have on my mind is you, and…our future.”

Your anger softens a bit as you stare up into his eyes. Trying to figure out what to say, but you can’t think of anything. You shouldn’t have visions of Jake when you had this man inside of you. He has changed his life and wants you to be part of it. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.”

“I want you to not do it again. It’s like what you feel for me is nothing compared to what I feel for you,” he’s right. And you’re ashamed of yourself. And scared. So so scared. A knock on the door makes you flinch.

“You…finished?” Oh god. It’s Bucky, and you get so embarrassed. Cheeks heating up as you feel Andy trickling out of you. You cover your face with your hands as you wonder how much Bucky heard.

“Yeah,” you call to him, and turn back to Andy, pressing a hand over his heart. “Andy, I’m sorry.”

“Can you not sleep with him then?”

“I don’t,” that’s an odd request. Currently you’ve only had sex with two people, and the second was right in front of you.

“You fall asleep with him. Just for me. Can you just sleep on your own? If you want someone to sleep with I can stay there. I just think…”

“You’re right,” you respond quickly. Wanting to change the subject, and get out of here. The air and tension is too thick, and you feel like you’re drowning. You can’t even get your thoughts working because of it. “I will sleep on my own,” you would try to.

“I’ll walk you out to the car,” his hand presses on the small of your back, and he walks you into the foyer. Smirking and nodding to Bucky. Your roommate looks more at you than at Andy. Silvery blue eyes raking over your features. How long had he even been outside of Andy’s office? “Make sure you take care of my girlfriend, Barnes. Songbird, I look forward to your texts later tonight,” he gives you a wink as he opens the door to the truck, and even buckles you in.

“I’ll miss you,” he says, pressing a lingering kiss to your temple as Bucky gets into the driver seat.

“Miss you, too,” you respond. Waiting for him to close the door, and your vision goes blurry. Staring out the window blankly when Bucky begins a slow roll to the highway. What just happened? And how did you feel? And why were there always questions?

”Does he follow you in the bathroom, too?” You try to replay the last thirty minutes in your head, still unable to focus on anything. “Peach? You okay?” Andy is much more intense than Jake. Did you even see the thermometer this morning? Andy had always checked before you had fully awakened. What did it read? Did he even tell you?

“You guys got into an argument?”

“Disagreement,” you answer quickly. Too many thoughts in your head. Too many. You weren’t ready. “Is there a drugstore that sells the morning after pill?”

“Did he make you do something you didn’t want to do?” Did he? What a strange question. You remember what you whispered, but was that for JJ’s ghost? Why were you still hanging on to the past? It had been a year, but you were told grief is different for everyone. “Peach?”

“I don’t think so,” you shake your head, unable to go to that place. “I just want to be careful. Are there side effects? Will Andy know?”

“You’re scaring me.”

You were scaring yourself. But one thing was for sure, you weren’t ready. “Will he know if I took something?” Your heart is racing as you realize what happened. You weren’t ready to think about kids with anyone but Jake. You feel like Andy was all over you. Like he was leaking out onto the truck seat. “Pull over. Bucky, I’m going to throw up.”

Looking into his mirrors, he pulls the truck over, and you jump out. Hurling your lunch onto the side of the road, and the tears don’t stop. You are so scared. Why? Why is fear the only thing that is oozing throughout your body? It’s all you feel right now. He’d leave you if he found out. Did Jake leave you because you couldn’t have his kids? Why couldn’t you at least have had a part of him with you.

Standing up you look at the sky, screaming out everything inside of you before Bucky pulls you into his arms. He didn’t expect anything in return. He is just there to offer any comfort as the tears block you from seeing anything. “I’m so tired.”

“I know you are, sweetheart. What do you need me to do?”

“I need the morning after pill, but will he know?” With mascara stained cheeks you look up at Bucky hoping for a miracle. Needing a specific answer, and no more questions. The questions had your thoughts racing too fast to sort through. Like driving in the snow and each snowflake is your thoughts. They were coming at you at such a rapid speed you missed things.

“No, he won’t. Come on, order us a pizza, and we’ll get ice cream, too,” you can tell he wants to prod, but thinks better of it, and you’ll be forever grateful to him. You want to take the hottest shower, and remove the traces of Andy. You didn’t hate him, but the feeling of him still there is making you queasy.

“Can we DoorDash it while I shower?” You don’t have to say more, but Bucky understands. Nodding his head is his only answer, and he leads you back to the truck. Clenching his jaw as he wonders just exactly what transpired behind that door. He’s gathered enough. And what he really wants to do is pound in Andy’s face. He cracks his neck trying to make the thoughts go away. They weren’t good for his recovery.

But right now Bucky wants to hit everything. He wants to make someone pay for the mess they made you. And that someone is him. Andy Barber. He’s now become more than an irritation. He’s become an enemy.

Next

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[tutantmeenageneetleteetle]

Hi I was wondering if I could request something.

How would the 2012 turtles feel about an autistic s/o who had situational mutism? I am someone who has both and I use cue cards or text my responses when I am unable to communicate them verbally. It would be interesting to hear how the four of them approach this circumstance.

Situational mutism

Thank you for your request! I hadn't heard of situational mutism before, so I hope that what I wrote is somewhat accurate to how it works! Feel free to correct me and educate me (can be in my DMs or requests if you prefer it to be more private!) And if I made a mistake, I'll change it!🌸

Leo

Thought you were mad at him at first, or didn't understand what he was saying

When you explained (by typing it out), he just let out an "Oooh... okay"

He might struggle a bit, the first time it happens

When you are able to communicate verbally again, he will try to make a plan with you (here comes the plan-guy again, who needs a plan for everything...)

He will ask you what you need, what he can do to help, what you don't like, how it works, etc.

Prefers if you communicate through text to speech, but if you prefer something else, that's totally okay too

He just wants to make sure you're comfortable

He will make sure everyone waits for you to type out what you have to say to make sure you're not talked over or ignored

He will teach you some ninja hand signs as well, for emergency communication

Raph

Would be really confused and frustrated at first

He would think you're purposefully not replying to him and it would tick him off

After you explained (by typing it out), he would feel really guilty about getting angry with you

You'd get one of them rare apologies

After that, he would stick up for you and get angry for you if people weren't considerate enough or impatient in their communication with you

"Situational mutism is hard, you asshole! Be considerate, or I'll beat a little respect into you!"

Violence may not be the answer you were hoping for, but it is an answer nonetheless

The dumbass will sometimes not notice or forget that you have situational mutism, though.

In his own words, feel free to hit him on the head and make him pay attention/remember

Döner kebab

He would be quick to pick up on the fact that it's not 'just you being quiet'

Would ask you about different options in his mind that could possibly be related to you being silent

"Don't you want to talk or can't you talk? You can't? Okay. Does it give you anxiety to talk? Sometimes, okay... You also have autism, right? Yes? Situational mutism? Yes? Okay, that makes sense, then."

He will do his research

Will make you a smart watch that is designed for non-verbal communication, where you have different keywords, phrases, and letters to communicate

One of the phrases will be "Donnie is the best boyfriend ever!"

Please don't give him too much space to talk, though (I'm saying this for your own good). Any silence he can find, he will yap about some science related stuff

Mikey

He would be too busy yapping to notice at first

He would just start asking you endless questions and you could not keep up with answering them, since it takes longer to even answer with text or cuecards.

When you did manage to explain, he'd just react with "wooow... alright. Dope." While he does fingerguns. (6/10, kind of funny response, but could've been more considerate, since it's a struggle sometimes)

Out of all of them, he will pick up the communication the easiest

Cuecards will work best on him

He will spend the afternoon making them with you

He thinks it's really fun to use cuecards to communicate together, and he will use them to you too

Will always have a set of cards on hand for you (or him!)

One of the cards will have an arrow pointing up with the word "kiss here" written on it

[n7sloth]

Sorry for the long story. Skip if you don't care about religious stuff.

In roughly 2012, I was living in Chicago. At that time, I didn't consider myself religious. I'd been born Catholic, confirmed Protestant, weakly tried to dabble in witchcraft I didn't really believe in in my early 20s, and by 2012 I was 32 and just didn't believe in anything.

But some part of me *wanted* to, if that makes sense? I felt like something was missing. But nothing seemed to vibe.

So in summer of that year I was walking up the street headed to Millenium Park to just go and people watch for a bit, and I passed two nuns and a priest.

No, this post isn't what you're thinking now. But there's a point here. The point is that it was still summer, albeit late, and it was hot and humid. And here were these two young women and a young man, absolutely covered neck to toe in black, and the women had small head coverings. I felt stifled on their behalf. But here they were, laughing together and walking as if they didn't notice.

I wanted that sense of importance. I wanted something to mean enough to me that I was willing to be that uncomfortable. Does that make sense? Not that I wanted to suffer, but that it wouldn't *feel* like suffering, because I *believed* enough.

That bothered me for a few years. Then, kind of unbidden and unprompted a few years later, a little voice in the back of my mind suggested I look into Judaism. I spoke with a Jewish friend, but I didn't know what to ask. How was someone raised at minimum secularly Christian supposed to know what questions to ask to unlearn what I'd been taught?

I kinda got frustrated and let it go for another couple of years.

In 2021ish, during lockdown, I found a woman on TikTok who was live streaming her synagogues services (with their permission) and I fell in love. Everything about it felt like coming home; plus the music was just gorgeous.

In 2022 when isolation relaxed a little and some in-person services resumed, I found a Reform temple nearby and started attending services. I was immediately welcomed and treated as a friend and equal, even without being Jewish yet. I took intro to judaism twice, and in late 2023, I was invited to be a founding member of the temples first Pride group, for representation, education, and inclusion.

I was so honored. Of course I joined. We went through the process of being officially vetted and voted on by the Board, and became an official group. In June of this year, for the annual Pride Shabbat service, I was invited to be part of a small Q&A panel to help provide insight and education on how to support your queer brethren.

And then the rabbi left. And a new one came in.

Suddenly, one of my friends in the Pride group was denied membership into a women's group because her spouse wasn't Jewish and "it might make others uncomfortable". (She is in a straight/straight-passing marriage.) Other board members were present and heard this, and said nothing.

She brought it up to the new rabbi, who declared that the board had final say and could do as they pleased. So she left the shul entirely.

Later, another member reported that the board didn't "trust" the Pride group, because they "didn't know what they were up to". Despite having officers that could easily have answered any questions.

So I left, too. I no longer felt safe and welcomed. But I didn't want to give up, either.

I reached out to the rabbi who leads the shul i started with - the one I joined on TikTok. And while I haven't heard from her personally yet (because my dumb ass emailed during the High Holy Days) I'm still excited. Because at least I'm trying. Plus I've signed up to attend two of their HHD services.

Im not giving up on this. I *will* find someone who accepts me for who I am and is willing to teach me. This is what I've been chasing for 10 years now. I just want to come home.