#does anyone know why they loved poop jokes so much ?

[justarandombrit]

Okay, so in case anyone couldn't make it to the livestream (and just because I wanted to), I wrote down some notes while watching it, so if anyone wants to read them, they're below the cut. (Also sorry ANI fans, my dad came in to borrow a pencil while the ANI segment was happening, so I missed a lot of it)

. There was a 4 minute long intro voice over before AVPM

. James watched AVPM

. 600,000 and Lauren plays the green screen piano

. 700,000 and Lauren does an architectural digest on the green screen house

. Jon really loves Ready To Go

. Darren keeps letting Joey know he sounds like shit on old recordings

. Pinball Pete’s burnt down 🙏🙏

. MAMD was the first student produced album to make the charts

. A Very Potter Sequel’s name came before A Very Potter Musical

. They accidentally wrote Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

. James gave Julia Albain leg splints

. During Starship the entire cast was breathing fibreglass

. Starship was called “knowingly amateurish”

. Darren was supposed to write 15 songs for Starship, but he got cast on GLEE

. Darren flew in to join a rehearsal as a surprise, ran in singing Beauty and everyone was so pissed

. Everyone still loves Kick It Up A Notch

. Nick: “Which was Holy Musical B@man-

Lauren: “Fuck yeah”

. They made up Sweet Tooth, and then found out he was an actual Batman villain

. Matt came up with “Calendar Man, your days are numbered” in his dream, and it was so good it forced him awake to instantly call Nick

. Everyone thought the flying machine joke was the best AVPM joke

. Goin' Back To Hogwarts Reprise made everyone cry

. AVPSY was five hours long

. Curt saw AVPSY

. Darren arrived 2 hours before the show and didn't get a chance to read through a lot of the script

. Darren came up with “I hope you find that swimming pool”

. Joey ate one banana on the day of AVPSY and during Sidekick went “I'm losing my vision”

. They had to pay the hotel union $11,000 to use THEIR OWN microphones, and Darren's STILL BROKE

. Jeff accidentally washed out his Aladdin hair dye

. A.J. Holmes had the same agent as Jafar's original VA, and they got him to do the intro and say “pee” and “poop” in Jafar's voice

. ANI was, as we know, expected to be a hit, and, as we know, it was not

. TTO was, as we know, expected to fail, and, as we know, did not

. TTO had a batshit cast party

. Pierce used to ask Matt insanely complicated questions before bed, e.g, “How did WWII happen?”

. Firebringer was a really old concept

. Literally no one questioned why the “I don't really wanna do the work today” clip had loads of people dressed as cavewomen + cavemen

. Firebringer was the first show Jon saw live

. They made up all the Hatchetfield shows at the same time

. Nick kept making sure Paul was having fun

. The song from the Pirate Show, “Born To Be Wretched goes so fucking hard. Like if a sea shanty was a musical theatre song essentially

. Mariah: “Rich gays, please give”

. Lauren choreographed Show Stoppin' Number

. People actually gave Lauren their phones when she asked in Inevitable, and they would take them backstage and take selfies before giving them back. One time it was locked and she shouted “WHAT'S THE PASSCODE?!?!?”

. Joey: “I'm in the middle of Wiggle”

. Everyone was ill during Black Friday

. Bryce saw Black Friday

. BRYCE GOT THE APPLE

. Nick told her “Interesting things happen here” when showing her to the seat

. Ahhh when Jeff played Tom…

. Angela was in Jaime’s improv class

. Angela is no longer on vocal rest

. Angela had to kill Sherman with a finger gun one night

. Will was 100% ready for NPMD

. Will was at a party they went to during A Very Starkid Reunion

. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR STARKID

. Rip Kim

. The Docks of Troutspear is sung by Matt’s favourite character (it also slaps)

. The Pit Stop in Hatchetfield livestream is going to be a tag team deathmatch

. I love Starkid so much

[wrasslinwetdreams]

NSFW Alphabet SHAWN MICHEALS HEADCANONS

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Shawn’s a cuddled. He’d never admit that shit out loud but he LOVES to be in your skin after sex. He wants to be under you and babied. Tell anyone and he’d deny it all.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Shawn’s favorite body part of his is his hands. He loves how much bigger they are compared to yours and he loves when you grab his hand when you’re nervous or scared.

His favorite body part of yours is your ass. It doesn’t matter how small it is or how big it is. Shawn is an ass man. He’s always smacking it when you walk down the gorilla with him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Shawn likes to come on you. Specifically on your face and tits. He doesn’t know if it’s some territorial thing or what but he loves to cum in your underwear and make you wear them out.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Shawn likes to spit in your mouth. He once was really amped after a match and caught dragged you into his locker room “Open up baby.” You open your mouth and feel his warm spit hit your tongue. “Swallow.” It’s more of a demand than anything.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s extremely experienced he’s older than you and has definitely had a many trips around the sun lol.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Shawn’s favorite position is doggy. He loves hitting it from behind then pulling you up for a sloppy kiss. Sometimes he makes you arch your back more and you can almost feel him In your tummy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Shawn is kinda goofy. More so during foreplay he’ll crack a shitty joke and chuckle in between pecks.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Shawn is decently well groomed. He’s a pretty boy so he keeps up with his appearance. He grows a lot of hair there so he keeps it neatly trimmed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s a lot softer during intimacy. He gives you sweet kisses and everything is so much more sensual.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He masturbates a lot when you’re not around. He’s crazy about you so he’s not going touch another woman.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Shawn has a brat taming kink. He lowkey loves it when you get an attitude because it gives him an excuse to remind you why you should be a good girl.

He has marking kink. He purposefully puts hickeys in visible spots so he can make sure everyone sees them

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He likes to pull you into the broom closets backstage and fuck you against the wall “sssh if you get too loud somebody might hear you pretty.” Shawn would cover your mouth as he stroked deeper inside of you with a shit eating grin. He would let you walk out with a panty full of cum to his dressing room.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you wear skimpy little ring outfits. Honestly he loves when you wear skimpy outfits no matter what. He likes for guys to know they can look but not touch. He likes when you tug on his hair something about just gets him going in all the right places.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He does not do anything to do with pee or poop.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Shawn likes to receive. He likes to see you gagging on his dick with tears running down your face. You’re such a pretty girl choking on him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Shawn rough and slow. He wants you to enjoy every damn moment with him but he just likes it a little rough it general. He can’t help himself. Seeing the way you squeeze your eyes shut and bite your lips as he gives you agonizing slow strokes.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Shawn is always up for a quickie even at the most inappropriate of times and you regularly have to tell him no you will not meet him the McDonalds bathroom. As Paul sits obliviously next to you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Shawn is a risk taker he once convinced you to let him fuck with the curtains open in your hotel room. It was thrilling hoping nobody peered up and saw your tits squished against the glass as Shawn took you from behind.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Shawn can go two rounds sometimes 3. Mostly two though he has a lot of energy and you’re his favorite stress ball.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He once bought you vibrating panties and made you walk down the gorilla with him. It’s the only toy he uses on you and god does he use it at the most inconvenient times.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Tease should be his middle fucking name. He’s always placing little kisses on your sweet spot. He’s rubbing your thigh under the table and feeling up your ass while taking pictures with fans.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Shawn’s a vocal boy and you love it. The way he fists your hair as he lets out a throaty groan. How he lets out pretty moan when you suck the tip just right.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He once fucked you in Hunter’s locker room. You wouldn’t call it your finest hour. He thinks fondly on it lol.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Shawn has a pretty dick. It’s pretty thick with one vein going up the under side of it and flushed tip when he’s hard.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Shawn is always down to fuck. When he hurt his back he almost begged you with puppy dog eyes to ride him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Almost immediately after. He’s a huge on cuddling even when you whine to try and get up and take a shower he’s not having it. He pulls you close mumbles something about tomorrow and passes out on your stomach.

[noyoucannotpushthevoid]

Raven Cycle characters as Things People I know have Said (basically Henry/K Edition)

“What’s up chuckle fucks?” - Ronan “Bigger is bigger” - Ronan “I summon thee, [Chainsaw]” - Henry “Taking lethal levels of psychic damage at age 7 isn’t good for development” - about Ronan “Bitch” (about a crying child) - Ronan “When a fish and a woman love each other very much…” - Henry, no explanation “He’s deceptively smart for his appearance” - Henry about Ronan “Hi, I’d like to buy one mayoral office please?” - Henry joking about Gansey’s parents “I’ve been told I make a good distraction” - Henry “We’re all fucking lemmings here” - Blue pointing out they’d all do anything Gansey asked them to “The magic sex wizard put them in the same body” - Henry “‘[D]o a superhero landing’ (Ronan) ‘I was just going to ask if I [could] do a superhero landing[!]’ (Noah)” “I have no context for lemmings” - Ronan “That’s alright Captain, we can buff out those scratches” - Ronan after absolutely wrecking the pig beyond repair “[Gansey] and [Ronan] couple moment” - Henry “Raisinify your bucket hat” - Matthew scrunching up his bucket hat when nervous “How can [Gansey] be depressed with that much cake?” - Henry “There’s pee on your key?” - Declan after finding bird poop on the Barns’ spare key and confronting Ronan about it “God’s eepiest soldier” - about Adam "'...his hair's not doing to well' (Gansey describing their new latin teacher) 'I was going to ask if he was a dilf, but that answers my question' (Henry)"  "The man [in the BMW] said the password was 'go fuck yourself'" - Adam to Declan after Declan asked what the new passcode at the Barns was "Oh, I died...oopsie" - Gansey dying for the eleven millionth time "They're uncivilized, they don't know what vodka is" - Kavinsky "May I history?" - Gansey asking to lore dump on any of his friends "If I can't clean my wounds with it, then I don't want to drink it!" - Kavinsky "Need a fire starter? Just buy Everclear" - Also Kavinsky “Your rat friend … he’s not your friend” - Gansey about Kavinsky “Oh damn he livin” - Everyone about Noah before they found his body “The fucking hot tub? Why not the regular one?” - Henry, like my DM, thinks he’s funny (he is) “Does anyone have a blanket? Just swaddle me like a fucking baby” - Ronan while sick “Can I roll insight on something? … does he think I'm a child?” - Blue anytime she meets another Raven boy “[she]’s normally small, not cursed to be small” - Ronan explaining the difference in small vibes between Opal and Blue “Who would win: some dumbass flying lizard or 50 action express?” - Ronan to Adam at 2am “‘I forget what color phosphorus burns so I'm going to say purple’ (Gansey)  ‘The answer is hot’ (Adam)”

[changingplumbob]

York Household: Chapter 9, Part 10

In this part Kelly may be stood down from school for the day but that doesn't mean Aaron won't find them something to do.

CW: Mentions of body dysmorphic disorder and dysphoria

The Yorks are Italian so if you see them using words that don't look like English it's Italian, or what google assures me is Italian. Caro/Cara: Dear Buongiorno: Good morning Piccolo: Little one Tesoro: Treasure Nonno: Grandfather Nonna: Grandmother Si: Yes Grazie: Thank you Per Favore: Please Buon Compleanno: Happy Birthday

Kelly had asked Joey to speak to their family about her identity and, once Joey assured her it was fine, she joined the family for dinner.

Calista: Cara, I heard you got in a few fights today

Kelly was so used to being called caro, while cara was used for her sisters, that it took her a moment to realise her ma was addressing her.

Kelly: Si ma

Calista: Can we say the second fight may have had something to do with you being a girl?

Kelly: *sighs* Si ma. The dung brain said only girls needed to know about periods and stuff so I got mad and stomped on her foot

Deanna: I think that’s a sensible response even if you were a boy

Aaron: Deanna! Violence is never the answer

Joey: You say that like you don’t want us to get arrested

Aaron gave Joey a look that could melt steel.

Joey: Sorry pa, bad joke

Calista: I'll call your school and talk to them about separating kids by gender, in this day and age it's stupid. How about the first fight cara

Kelly: What do you mean

Calista: You were having trouble in English. Do you want us to get some help

Kelly: *sighs* That jerk was saying I had dyslexia but he doesn’t know what goes on in my head

Aaron: Still, it’s better to look into help now so you won’t be hindered at university

Deanna: Pa, she’s only just started high school

Aaron: Never too early to start thinking of the future

Aaron: But if you don’t want to talk about it tonight we can fit it in tomorrow

Kelly: What do you mean fit it in

Aaron: You don’t think I’m going to waste a day you’re not in school do you?

Kelly: I was kind of hoping to crash on the couch and play some games

Aaron steps up and pulls Kelly into a hug despite her protests.

Aaron: Cara, your ma and I love you. Very much. But a shift like the one you’ve started won’t be a simple one. We want you to get all the help available. I'm taking a vacation day and first stop tomorrow is a doctor who specialises in adolescents

Kelly smiles and tries her best not to tear up in front of her siblings, she has a reputation as an evil sim to maintain.

Calista: Are you okay Kelly

Kelly: Si ma. I just… wasn’t sure how you’d all take… me

Calista: Oh cara, like your pa said, we love you. We’re your family. We’re always going to be on your side

Kelly: Even if I kill someone

Calista: *laughs* Please try not to kill anyone *whispers* although I have a feeling that your pa would absolutely be your lawyer

Aaron: *laughs* Well don’t just go encouraging her to be a killer

After a hug with Calista Kelly lets out a celebratory cheer.

Deanna does not wake up feeling well. She gets dressed but can’t be bothered putting her contacts in today, glasses it is. She grabs some leftover cake and goes past Kelly and Aaron, barely taking them in.

Aaron: What’s wrong cara

Deanna: I have a horrible headache and feel like poop

Kelly: You mean you feel as bad on the inside as you look on the outside

Deanna: Probably

Kelly: No retaliation? *sighs* Just admit you don’t want me to have fun today

Deanna: You should be at school gremlin but you got in fights. Excuse me if I’m unimpressed

Kelly and Aaron head off while Deanna contemplates a nap rather than homework. What use are good grades if you’re dead?

Kelly: Why am I seeing him

Aaron: Harvey said his son had a good time

Kelly: Pa no one has a good time at medical appointments

Aaron: *sighs* maybe not but he said it helped him, how’s that?

Kelly: Guess it’ll do. So long as he doesn’t try to un evil me

Aaron: Tell him about the trouble you’ve had in class

Kelly: Si pa

Aaron: And tell him your family support you being trans because he’ll want to know

Kelly: Si pa. Think you can stop telling me what to do now?

Dr H: Kelly York?

Kelly: Yeah that’s me, this is my pa Aaron

Dr H: Nice to meet you. I’m Doctor Xander Hanks, the psychiatrist here. Will you be joining us Aaron?

Aaron: Kelly wanted to do this by herself if that’s okay

Dr H: Perfectly fine but I’d like to bring you in at the end to discuss next steps if that’s okay with Kelly

Kelly shrugs and walks herself into the office, choosing the couch that most faces the door. Dr Hanks sits down opposite her.

Dr H: Let me tell you a bit about myself. Following medical school I-

Kelly: Don’t care about you

Dr H: We can skip the pleasantries if you prefer

Kelly: You talk weird

Dr H: Why don’t you tell me why you’re here today

Kelly: *shrugs and kicks foot* They kicked me out of school for a day

Dr H: They? Why did “they” do that?

Kelly: The principal got batpoop mad because I punched one kid and stomped on the foot of another, but they had it coming

Dr H: Do you often have trouble with your temper Kelly

Kelly: I’m a teen. You're a professional, don't you know we have trouble with everything

Dr H: Anything you’d care to share

Kelly: Well ma and pa wanted me to come because…

Here she pauses. As hard as it was to tell Joey who loves her, telling a stranger is a harder task.

Dr H: Why don’t you tell me about why you got in the fights

Kelly sighs and tells him about Roger, the kid who teased her about her struggles in English class.

Dr H: Why did that upset you so much

Kelly: I don’t know. I can usually take a joke, I’m the first to make a joke after my friend Fergus. I guess… I was a bit worried he might be right. I survived middle school but now the words are longer and smaller and they can jam together sometimes in my head. But I’m not crazy!

Dr H: I wouldn’t call someone crazy Kelly. It is possible you have an undiagnosed learning disorder. I can send you to my colleague after this visit for an assessment if you’d like

Kelly shrugs noncommittally and Dr Hanks continues.

Dr H: What about the stomped foot incident

Kelly: I was trying to talk to my best friend Anya about what she learned in health because they separate the class boy girl style. I was curious, I mean I’ve only heard a bit, and this other girl took offense at me learning because I was a boy so she complained loudly then I stomped on her foot. That just made her scream more

Dr H: Was she unaware you’re trans

Kelly: *defensively* How’d you know that

Dr H: Forgive me if I’ve overstepped. Your father used the pronoun her when he ushered you in-

Kelly: I know this outfit doesn’t exactly scream natural girl but…

Dr H: And you said you were a boy when the disagreement happened

Kelly: Oh…. Right, I did… Sorry. I’ve only just come out to my family it’s still... difficult

Dr H: You have nothing to apologise for. I find the term “natural girl” to be unhelpful when talking about gender. If someone is the gender they were assigned at birth, they are cisgender. If they are not the gender they were assigned at birth, they are transgender. Have you heard that language before

Kelly: Here and there. I mean my friend’s older sibling is… oh shoot he did tell me the term…. Non something…

Dr H: Nonbinary?

Kelly: That’s it! So technically he, I mean they, are trans?

Dr H: *nods* You’ve got it. There are many ways to be female, just as there are many ways to be male, or both, or none. Was this why your parents wanted you to see me?

Kelly: Sort of. I mean I know I’m a girl but *sighs* I don’t know what to do about it. Transitioning just seems so big

Dr H: Maybe talking it out can make it a bit smaller huh

The two discuss the situation a bit more and when Kelly feels ready Dr Hanks retrieves Aaron from reception.

Dr H: Your daughter certainly knows her own mind. You must be proud

Aaron: I am. She can be a handful but I am

Kelly: Being stubborn has benefits okay pa

Aaron: I know

Dr H: After this I’m going to send you to my colleague who will do a learning assessment on Kelly. She may benefit from additional academic support. We have discussed possible next steps for her identity as well

Aaron: What are they

Kelly: Basically the government is stupid and science hates me

Aaron: I’m sure that’s not true

Dr H: There are scientific debates about at what age we can start on hormones and other physical interventions. At the moment the youngest age for medical transition is 16

Kelly: But he says I don’t have to do that if I don’t want to, any changes I make will be up to me. I say who I am, I'm in charge

Aaron is glad to see Kelly smile at this.

Dr H: There are many non-medical changes that can be made while she thinks about it. Kelly has already switched pronouns, she may want to change her name or her wardrobe. I’m going to refer her for therapy-

Kelly: He says I might get this thing called body dysmorphic disorder. Or anxiety, or depression or whatever

Dr H: Body dysmorphia can overlap with gender dysphoria so I like to make sure my trans patients have adequate support. I’ve prescribed some antidepressants which I think will be helpful as support during the transition period but I’d like to order some blood tests to make sure we don’t need to do any medical interventions yet

Aaron: What can me and her ma do

Dr H: Keep supporting her. She has expressed some anxiety about her personality traits. I would urge you and the rest of her family to remember her gender identity is not responsible for her personality or vice versa despite being a big part of who she is

Aaron: We can do that

The two get up to leave and Aaron is surprised when Kelly not only thanks the doctor but gives him a hug as well. Maybe her evil trait will be easier to balance with age.

Results of today’s medical appointments. Kelly has dyslexia and body dysmorphic disorder. Sorry it was a bit long, I didn't want to cut her off mid session.

Previous ... Next

[kits-ghosts-corner]

THE HORRIBLE HISTORIES STAGE SHOW WAS SO GOOD!!

so, for starters, it’s two dudes going through the bare basics of the tudor times - nothing in-depth as the show is intended for 5-10 year olds, and it covers the tudors from richard iii and henry vii through to elizabeth i.

“hey, didn’t you just say this show was intended for 5-10 year olds??? why were you there???” easy! autism. tudors is my special interest - also horrible histories was my childhood and fuck it i was turning 18 and this was my birthday party.

and i absolutely loved it!!!

first off, it was just a genuinely funny show. not a lot of poop jokes, or at least not too many. it was also accurate, which i know should be part of the bare minimum but i’ve been let down so much by shows with proper budgets that i was very impressed with how accurate the clothing especially was!!

also it was…. progressive??? like consider this: it’s a comedy act for kids. there are jokes about bums and shitting occasionally thrown in. then the slave trade is mentioned and you’re in the audience like “oh my god what is it going to be — is this going to be tone deaf at best and offensive at worst?”. and then it’s a (albeit not in-depth and more a cursory glance but remember this show is for 7 year olds) really sincere moment stating the horror that was slavery and how evil it was and still is. i was genuinely surprised.

on the same note, they had a song about henry viii and how he was morbidly obese - or, as they put it, “henry viii was a big fat man who loved to stuff his face from the frying pan”. now, this sounds bad, and i did have the thought process of “shitting hell, now this is going to be awkward and terrible”. but then EACH TIME THE NEXT LINE WAS ESSENTIALLY A REWORK OF “but!! even if he was skinny he would have still been fucking horrific, and fatness does not equal badness, in the same way that being skinny does not mean you’re good — weight is not reason to judge people” LIKE???? THIS WAS A SHOW. FOR 7 YEAR OLDS. MADE BY TWO DUDES IN THEIR 40s. AND IT WASNT OFFENSIVE????? miracles!

also shout-out to when they split the audience in two to have a battle between who could sing “divorced beheaded died divorced beheaded survived” the best, and when they turned to the other half of the audience after we did a shit job one of the guys said “remember to get your mums and dads and brothers and sisters and aunties and uncles and grannies and grandads involved! because remember: if they don’t join in, it’s because they don’t love you” in an initially jovial tone into the most dead-pan expression i’ve ever seen and heard. i laughed so hard (the other half did exponentially better than we did)

overall, one of the best stage shows i’ve seen ever, it was great and i recommend anyone goes to see it! 12/10

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Time for Big Mouth season 6 summary!

I do this every year and that’s basically the only Big Mouth post I make for the year. So let’s go!

THE SONGS IN THE SEASON WAS… BANGERS!!! And now the new song album is out!!! With all the songs from season 4-6

The fucking ”Girl we got with your mom” song will forever be stuck in my head though now

Andrew’s parents :( I feel bad for him.

Him and Bernie were so cute :,) And i’m lowkey glad we saw her clips cause… some of the stuff reminded me of stuff I’ve done… what can I say the show really reminds you of the weird shit you did when you were in middle school

Anyway I am tempted to do that list lmao

Aren’t they supposed to be 14 now? They’ve been 13 since S1-

WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHO IS THE PRINCIPAL

This season was a little like a ”middle season” where I feel like not as much happened. But I do know they’ve been picked up for S7 so this is probably intentional.

I miss Ali and Jessi’s scenes :( But I do know why they didn’t have much interaction except that ”does anyone have a tampon” scene. First is that this season focused much more on family - and also, since stuff that happens on human resources also affects Big Mouth, Jessi doesn’t have a love bug since she got fired. Maybe Human Resources will pick this up in their next season. We’ll see.

ASEXUAL CHARACTER! Also the fact that his hormone monsters are so ok with it.

CONNIE AND MAURY’S BABY I love how they just fit right in

Missy finally got her period! I was actually wondering if she had gotten it or not. Also ”it’s brown, are you sure I haven’t pooped myself?” wow that’s relateable

Very accurate representation of a yeast infection lmao… god why are female genitals like this we constantly have to look out for stuff like this all the time

Love how they’re always going crazy in the last episode of the seasons. FUCKED UP FRIDAY YEAH IT SURE WAS

Lola and Jessi’s friendship awwww

THAT ONE TIME ANDREW BUMPED INTO MISSY AND SHE WENT ”GET TF AWAY FROM ME” AND ASKED HIM TO STAY AT LEAST A 2 METER DISTANCE LMOOO

I really love how things are starting to get better for Lola :) She deserves it

And Jay :( He deserves better

I wonder if Delilah will get any monsters. Babies have some monsters too I vet (besides the need demon)

Ok so when I was 13, I had found a lot of ”transformed into a baby/forced to be a baby” stories on wattpad. I don’t know why, I found one and suddenly I had read like 20 of them. I was so weirded out by them but I also was intrigued to it. So anyway, with all the diaper jokes, people wetting and shitting themselves, Jessi switching bodies with Delilah and having to spend the time as a baby, I kinda cringed because. I had read a lot of stories and I sat there like just questioning why I ever did. This show is great to remind yourself about the weird stuff in your adolescense <3 And that’s both the charm and the con of it hahahaha

To be fair, I read far worse things on wattpad… those things were MILD to the weird shit I otherwise found on that site

Anyway! Liked the season! Didn’t feel like as much was happening, but I am still gonna rewatch it 😄 I always find new things upon rewatch

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Attack of the In-Laws

People of Metrocity, it's almost Thanksgiving, which means two things: first, Minion will be making gourmet versions of various Native American dishes along with equally fantastic takes on more typical holiday fare. Secondly, the in-laws are coming. Someone sound the alarm.

To be clear, not all of them are bad. I'm lucky in that my Mother and Father-in-Law are, honestly, pretty likeable people. Being a bit of a hippie, Roxanne's mother loves the fact that we honor Indigenous Peoples Day rather than actual Thanksgiving. (After all, the Green Corn Ceremony, along with the harvest aspect of Celtic Samhain, is what Thanksgiving was originally based on.) I think she's secretly also thrilled that her bisexual daughter married a real alien. You don't get much more nonconformist than that. Roxanne's step-father is an easy-going fellow who at least has a genuine interest in what I do since he's a retired police mechanic.

Even my wife's siblings are a good bunch. Her sister is one of the most open-minded and entertaining people I know, even if she does like to poke at her relatives just to see what happens. (Seriously, Heather, don't kick the hornets nest.) Her twin brothers, Vander and Xander, are cheerful guys, although as one is the outdoorsy type and the other is a jock we don't have a great deal in common. (At least the former is interesting. He's a zoologist and modern-day adventurer who's done work with National Geographic.)

So why am I complaining, then? Because, sadly, the guest list doesn't stop with the immediate family. I wish it did.

The rest make it clear how little they enjoy their yearly visit. Which makes me wonder why they bother showing up at all. But, despite my wife's polite hints that they really don't have to make that long trip, we'd completely understand if they wanted to do something different, they never miss our ann-you-all torture session. (I blame Minion's cool-in-ary magic.)

Also, I don't like to brag, but I think I probably deserve some sort of medal because, no matter how terrible they are, I never give into the temptation to dust off the old Doom Devices. (Hooray for me.) And believe me, they'd richly deserve it.

Cousin Haiylie (yes, it's really spelled that way,) and her third victim--I mean husband--are snooty, always asking about "business," by which they mean income, with thinly veiled contempt. They earn more than almost anyone else at the table, and they want to make sure you don't forget it. (Thanks to patents for several inventions now in production, I actually earn more, but I'm not going to tell them that. First, I'm not a money-obsessed jerk. Second, they might decide they actually like me. Perish the thought!)

Haiylie's daughter, Taiyler, (yep, still really spelled that way,) is moody and dramatic even by teenage standards. Not to mention spoiled. And rude. Her favorite comment when Minion brings out the spectacularly delicious results of his hard work each year is: "Ew, what is that stuff?" A close second is: "OMG, how many calories are in that?!" Her parents not only don't correct her, but jump down the throats of anyone who does.

The other set of cousins, Rod and Tiffani, are the complete opposite. They live in a run-down trailer. They're waiting for the day when the lottery makes them rich. They will fight you if you try to explain that wrestling really isn't real. Tiffani wears jeans three sizes too small, showing off a muffin-top, sweaters with no bra, and more makeup than an entire family of clowns. Rod is the only person I have ever heard say "get 'er done" completely unironically, and always tries to tell me how I could fix one machine or another with a heavy application of WD-40 and a lot of duct tape. He also likes making poop jokes at the table. A lot.

Uncle Quentin is ultra-conservative (which is fine because it's his choice) determined that everyone else should be too (which is not fine because it's not his choice,) and loves starting fights. He hates the way we do celebrate this holiday and says it makes me a Communist. Because anyone Quentin doesn't agree with is, apparently, a Communist. His wife Eileen hasn't had a sober moment in decades, and once she's well-lubricated ALL of her mental filters vanish. ALL of them. She's tells everyone exactly what's wrong with us--repeatedly--before moving on to relating nearly everybody's most humiliating childhood stories--loudly.

But the Queen of Complaints, the reigning Empress of Irritations, is Great Aunt Maybelle. No contest.

Maybelle--who glares at me if I dare to call her "aunt" to her face--is almost ninety and I am fully convinced that she has stayed alive out of pure spite. She hates everyone and everything. Except her obnoxious, yappy little dogs who she insists on bringing to the dining room so they bark endlessly for scraps and puddle all over the floor. If that wasn't charming enough, there are Maybelle's favorite topics of conversation: who's ruining the country this time--which is basically anyone who isn't white, upper-class, and heterosexual--how much she's disappointed in all of us, and how she just knows we'd all love to see her in some dingy nursing home or, better yet, her coffin. Oh, and of course there are the not-so-subtle hints about how unnatural it is to marry someone from a different species. That's always a fun one.

So, this year, when you're dealing with your own in-laws, just remember that it could be worse. You could have mine. As one Thanksgiving sufferer to another to another, I salute you. Good luck.

--Megamind

[that-blue-vault-dweller]

We've had so much happy sappy things lately. How about some angst? Companions react to sole getting super pissed at them and just leaving forever?

Oh, no..... I knew this was going to come soon enough... All good things must come to an end, after all 😔💙💛

All jokes aside, this literally broke my heart to write, but I very much enjoyed your suggestion for the new perspective it gave and the opportunity to write some good, old-fashioned angst 🥰 I didn't provide an explanation for what they said or what they did to make F!Sole mad, which I hope is okay! (I couldn't picture my F!Sole leaving any of them for any reason but I'm sure everyone's Sole varies in that respect)

Warnings: Light mentions of suicide, heavy mentions of drug and alcohol use.

Cait - Falls back into chems and will likely drug and drink herself to the grave. She can't believe that she went and screwed everything up again. She let down and upset the one person she vowed to never do that to, and now she's alone. Again. She's managed to run off the one person in her whole lifetime that actually cared about her and all she knows is that life is not even really worth living sober if she has to endure pain like this.

Piper - Cries herself to sleep for many nights after and sometimes finds herself crying during the day while she's typing an article or doing small mundane things, her guilt and sadness consuming her. (If F!Sole let her interview her back when she first came to Diamond City) Piper keeps a copy of the View from the Vault articles beside her bed and numbly reads them sometimes before going to sleep just to remind her of the only best friend she had ever had in her life. The only person that had stuck by her and tried to look out for her since her dad. Eventually she stops crying, but it takes a long time for her to rebound and her smile to come back. It never is as bright as it used to be when F!Sole was there, though.

Curie - Breaks her heart and completely destroys her. She cries for days, weeks, forever. All she knows is that there is a huge hole in her heart and she thinks of F!Sole every day. Her humanity is a constant reminder of the great person that she had lost and she will forever blame and kick herself for being so horrible that F!Sole would leave her. Curie will always care about F!Sole even if F!Sole doesn't care about her and Curie will forever miss her.

MacCready - Ends up heading back to go be with Duncan permanently. F!Sole was the only thing keeping him in the Commonwealth but now that he screwed that up, there is no reason left to stay. He was originally going to have his son brought to him as soon as possible, but he decides that they're better off away from where all of the sad memories are lingering. When he returns to his son, he is very happy, but he soon falls into a basic routine, trying to get through his grief of losing a true friend because of his own stupidity. He will eventually come out of the depression, but he will always carry the intense guilt of driving her away for good.

Deacon - Despite the fact that he just continues on with that constant mask of looking like he's just as calm and happy as anyone else, he is hurting deeply on the inside. It is easy to tell because of how he seems even more distant than usual and he very rarely ever comes back to the Railroad HQ. Guilt turns him into someone even more detached than he used to be before she left. However, he sometimes goes undercover just to watch her at a safe enough distance to keep her from recognizing him. After all, he has not changed his face since she left, preferring to keep some souvenir from his time with her. Unfortunately, his face is all he has left of those days.

Codsworth - Is broken-hearted and is at the epitome of guilt because he cannot believe he has made her so mad that she will have nothing more to do with him. He has absolutely no one left to serve and there is no one left who cares about him at all. He ends up falling into a state of denial, somehow glitching and convincing himself that she, sir, and young Shaun are simply away and will come back eventually. He sadly remains in this deluded state for the remainder of his days.

Hancock - Somehow does even more chems than before, knowing it cannot kill him but needing the rush to distract him from the complete and utter pain after sending away one of the few people that actually stood by him through thick and thin. He goes back to being the full-time mayor of Goodneighbor, but when he falls so deeply into the chems, the citizens begin thinking that it would be best to overthrow him. When he figures this out, he knows he has to stop doing the chems quite so much. He cuts back just enough to be coherent and make speeches to inspire people, but anyone can see that he is by no means doing as well as he used to before F!Sole left. At some point he is completely numb and he takes the chems to just feel something besides this deadness inside.

Danse - Is devastated. She is all he had left after being kicked out of the Brotherhood. He can't believe that he drove away the person that convinced him to see his own worth despite his true identity. He finds himself in deep, inescapable depression, and he eventually loses sight of why he should even keep going on at all. After all, he is just an instrument of evil that breaks friendship, families, and all good things. Why would the world need something like that?

Preston - Despite the fact that he does not believe he can do it, he forces himself to take up the mantel of General. He tries to lead and maintain a brave face even though he feels like he is falling apart. He knows the Minutemen are depending on him, and he feels so helpless. Eventually, he hands leadership over to Ronnie Shaw, returning to a second-in-command position as he throws himself into duties and work to try not to think about the loss of one of the few people that actually saw his vision and tried to help him achieve his dream. However, he can't quite forget the fact that it's all his fault that it ended up like this.

Valentine - Honestly cannot believe it and is in pure shock and devastation for several days before the grief and depression finally sets in. He throws himself into his work and becomes even more self-endangering, caring very little about himself and what happens to him. He knows he still has Ellie and the agency, but it just kind of seems to fade in importance as he thinks of F!Sole and how he drove her away. If he doesn't manage to get himself killed during this period, Ellie has a stern talk with him, and he actually does start being a little more careful. Not quite the level of careful he was when he had both F!Sole and Ellie on his back about it, but he tries for Ellie's sake if not his own.

X6-88 - Is quite angry at himself for angering and isolating such a vital and valuable asset of the Institute, but there is something else inside of him that pricks and pokes at his mind and gut. It is something he cannot identify and something he has never experienced before. It frequently brings her face to the forefront of his mind, homing in on just how angry that she looked and how she looked like she would rather be looking upon a pile of Brahmin dung than to be staring into his face. It bothers him for some reason, and when he returns to the Institute and expresses his thoughts, it is the last thing on his mind before they wipe his memory of her and reset him entirely.

Dogmeat - Tries to follow her even though she does not want him to. When she screams and throws things at him, he lowers his ears and tucks his tail, confused at what in the world he did wrong. He just wants her to love him again like she used to. He could be a better boy. He could stop pooping in Cait's shoes and stop chewing holes in things. Eventually, after weeks of following her and being rejected, he finally leaves her alone, heading back to Red Rocket Truck Stop where he decides to wait for her in hopes she will one day come back and give him all the pets or at least one pet. He ends up living his days waiting for her and pacing the place, waking up every morning with hopes that the sunrise will bring her back to him until he doesn't see the sunrise again.

Strong - Stays mad at her forever. However, he sometimes does wish that he had tiny human to help him with some things like fighting or cooking, but he quickly remembers that he's mad at her and tells himself that super mutants don't need puny humans. But there is something strange in his stomach when he thinks of her, but he usually smashes something to try to make himself feel better. The feeling never goes away quickly, though.

[beelzegrub]

The Boys as New Fathers Headcannons/Scenarios

Listen I know everybody does headcannons but I have a lot of thoughts ™ probably part 1 of many tbh

They/Them pronouns but mentions of pregnancy.

Lucifer

Pretends not not be interested in the baby when they’re this little but makes sure to do his fair share anyways.

Diapers don’t bother him.

Makes goofy faces when nobody is around and if you catch him he will deny it.

Has no problem watching the baby on his own. MC can leave their child in his care worry free

If he does start having trouble getting the baby to settle down, he will hold them up to eye level and speak to them like an adult. “Really now, What’s with all this fuss?” And the baby will settle immediately.

If by some chance baby still won’t settle and is particularly fussy, he will put on some music and hold the baby in his arm as he does his work, talking to them occasionally. Even when they eventually falls asleep, he doesn’t put baby down until he has to.

Mammon

At first he’s so afraid to touch the baby, until MC finally just. Slips Baby into his arms

Absolutely terrified for 3 seconds and then immediately he’s in love.

Stares at the baby constantly

His greed for sure extends to his child. If you thought he was clingy with MC whoooo boy

“Hey! What are ya doing with Baby?! Put them down right now! You’re holding em all wrong!” When he catches any of his brothers holding the baby.

Not very good at diaper changes but he tries.

Buys a stupid amount of presents for baby, even though they can’t use them yet.

“Babe, how could I not buy the Lamborghini walker?!”

Leviathan

The birth was particularly hard on him, watching MC in so much pain just to have a baby that’s half of him?? Why would they want that?

Never pictured himself as a father, and has a difficult time adjusting to a life where he isn’t the center of MC’s attention.

“All they do is eat sleep and poop! You like them more than me don’t you?! Of course you do! Look at that face! How could you possibly not love a face like that.”

Levi. He has your face. Oh my god you’re such an idiot I love you so much.

MC at their wits end and running on practically no sleep. How can MC get him to bond with his child?!

Lucifer has had enough and steps in. Silently hands them a package and then takes his leave. MC opens it and facepalms. They really hadn’t thought of this?!

Levi finds MC in their old room (turned nursery) with Baby in their arms, and wearing a tiny little Henry costume. “I didn’t know you were into cosplay..” he says. To the baby. To the newborn baby.

MC tell him Baby is into lots of the same things as he is. He’s half yours, after all.

Something clicks and now Levi refuses to be separated from baby. Sits Baby in their pumpkin seat and talks to them about whatever he’s watching/playing.

Satan

Excited about being a father, but also very nervous. What if he hurts them? Baby is part human.

Reads all the pregnancy and parenting books he can get his hands on. Becomes very confident until baby is born and then all his confidence crumbles.

Thinks he needs to read all those books one more time...

Why is Baby crying so much? Should Baby be crying this much? He needs to check on some things.

MC gets tired of this and snaps at him. Tells him he can read every book available but there’s no such thing as a parenting manual.

MCs anger is enough to tell him something needs to change. He starts trusting his instincts more and realizes his anxiety might have been having an effect on the baby :(

He gets so angry about his shortcomings. Now he’s hurt both MC and his child. This won’t do. This WON’T do. He won’t allow himself to fail. He refuses.

Stops reading parenting books. Buys a truckload of picture books and spends his time learning about HIS baby and not just babies in general. Everyone is happier

Asmodeous

Oh honey. Oh sweetie. Oh darling. MC is giving him and the entire world the greatest gift. Another Asmo!

Spends MCs pregnancy making sure they are taking care of themselves. Buys all the expensive skincare items.

Buys hundreds of outfits for the baby, even after MC tells him they won’t possibly be able to wear them all before they grow out of them.

“Well we’ll just have to change them several times a day! My followers won’t be able to get enough of their cuteness!”

He doesn’t do diapers. Period.

Wants to take Baby out all the time to show them off.

Doesn’t like to be told no, and doesn’t understand why he can’t take a newborn to The Fall? He won’t give them alcohol obvi.

Sneaks Baby out while MC is sleeping and takes them anyways. They go out all over the devildom on a Daddy and Baby adventure. MC wakes up in a panic wondering where their baby has gone, since Asmo didn’t tell anyone and is too busy to answer his phone.

Finally returns home to find MC in pieces, a frantic Beel and Mammon trying to comfort them. Everyone else went out to search for the two of them.

A Hard slap to his beautiful face and a long talk makes him realize he has to start thinking more about MC and baby.

Beelzebub

Probably the most excited of any of the brothers. Family is so important to him, and now he’s made his own 🥺

Baby has his appetite before they are even born. MC could swear they eat almost as much as Beel. He makes sure they are always fed as he doesn’t want MC or his baby feeling hungry. Always bringing MC snacks.

Once baby is born he will hardly leave their side. Has to have a fridge put In his room so he doesn’t have to leave to eat.

Takes his job as Dad VERY seriously. Wants to do everything himself.

Tries to get Belphie involved as much as possible

“Are all babies this cute? I wonder if we were like this when we were little...”

“If I had to choose between never eating Hell’s Kitchen again or having to be apart from them, I’d choose Baby in a heart beat. That’s not even a question.”

Already asking about more kids lmao

“Is there a way to increase chances of multiples..?”

Not subtle 😂

Belphgor

Thinks MC is joking when they tell them they’re expecting. What is he going to do with a baby?

Begrudgingly gets on board when he sees it’s making MC upset (and some pushing from Beel)

When Baby is born he doesn’t immediately form a connection

Kind of indifferent tbh

Walks into the attic one day to find MC and Baby curled up together, sleeping peacefully in his bed.

Hm. Okay. Baby is intriguing...

This baby is the best behaved baby. This child has such a cool temperament. Hardly cries. Sleeps through the hell ouf the house no problem.

“I use Baby as an excuse to get out of whatever thing Lucifer is trying to get me to do. It’s great.”

How quickly he went from indifference to adoration. This baby is always in his arms. Just vibing.

“Belphie, could you-“

“Sorry, Baby is crying.” While holding baby. Who is stoic and silent. Turns around and leaves anyways.

Thanks for reading!! Should undo the side characters next? 🤔

[maxwell-grant]

i have been watching old (and sometimes new) gmod animations and i grew up watching enough ytps to know the general idea behind them, and i recently gained a sort of fascination for them. there's something special about them that i couldn't quite put into words, but i think you got it down perfectly in your post about grand guignol. basically, thanks a bunch for that.

Well thank you! And, yeah, I pretty much grew up watching GMOD and YTP constantly and even today I still come back to those a lot when I'm restless and taking a break from work, and I think there's genuinely a lot that can be learned or discussed from them as uniquely 21st Century art forms.

I've been rewatching a lot of Raxxo's content lately and I think it was his content in particular that kind of convinced me that the "GMOD/SFM - Grand Guignol" analogy wasn't nearly as much of deranged word salad as I assumed it was, because in all honestly, if you had to try and condense his videos into a genre or definition or something of the sort, what the hell else can you possibly call this that in any way comes close to describing what you experience?

Like, all of his videos are described as "GMOD animated in SFM", because SFM is usually associated with more straightforward dramatic content while GMOD has been cartoon madness from the start (and it's fascinating to watch just how tame even the early Rubberfruit videos are compared to the kind of stuff Eltorro64 or Dr Lalve are putting out), and Raxxo is the latter in the style of the former.

And his videos are not just a non-stop barrage of brain-breaking, because they have weirdly dramatic pauses, and moments of straightforward action, or simple sentence mixing, and there's continuity between his videos, and incredibly smooth and natural gestures following by the characters stretching and deforming like jello monsters on the next second as their screams warble to drown the soundtrack and then everything's back to normal, and then they start doing things that kinda even make some sense as a narrative, but you cannot even begin explaining properly why, and I've watched these so many times that I even kinda start to see what makes sense and what doesn't, even though literally no one other than Raxxo is ever going to guess why he made the choices he did, and god these jokes must have taken hours if not days to render, why does the scretching Soldier head saying "Sputnik!" shows up in everything he does, and oh did I mention he also makes up the soundtracks he uses himself and they don't match in the slightest most people's perception of his content?

And for the finale of the Soldier Dispenser saga he created maybe the most batshit collaborative animation effort on Youtube, which is about an hour's worth of 200 animators all creating their own little batshit mini-stories in reference to his own and, seriously, who the hell could have possibly predicted something like this existing back when computer game Team Fortress 2 was announced in 2007? Or when Youtube was created?

Who could have possibly predicted something like this existing at any point in human history? Where else could anyone possibly experience this much audiovisual chaos anywhere? I can't even bring myself to watch the video in full again, but that this exists at all, and that it's far from the only one of it's kind, and that Team Fortress 2 fan content has spiraled so hard past anything the creators could have possibly predicted that it has self-sustaining meme ecosystems (Remember when smexuals were a thing? Or the Freaks?), that it's still fucking going 15 years past the game's debut, is, it's kind of a lot, is what I'm saying.

Like, I'm speaking as someone who studies a lot of pop culture and combs through it's most obscure and weirdest recesses to find stuff to write about, I'm still just as baffled by how far these things have gotten as I was when experiencing it for the first time. And you can find a lot of stories like these digging through Youtube Poop and the specific styles of certain creators or certain developing memes for franchises that grow and grow and permutate.

Think about what has to have happened to make a video like iteachvader's What'll It Be? happen.

Long John Baldry, blues musician extraordinaire, voiced cartoon villain Dr Robotnik in a Sonic cartoon. Said Sonic cartoon and performance was lucky enough to survive through Youtube clips. People noticed one of said clips of his performance has him saying a word that sounds like penis in a funny way, so they start making jokes about it, and parodies, and then literally hundreds of parodies popularizing the concept as a source of comedy, some of which take the form of music. Said music is done by cutting, remixing and splicing audio from said performance over music beats, which can be a PAINSTAKINGLY LONG PROCESS as someone who's tried doing that several times now, all this to make something with "Poop" in it's name (which I guess isn't that different from pulp writers spending weeks and months breaking their fingers to put out a novel's worth of content every month, for newspapers and magazines that were literally going to be used as toilet paper later)

These parodies catch on a bit and die out for a bit, until iteachvader comes along, and he proceeds to build a career not just by making funny parodies of said cartoon, but also knocking out genuinely really, really good musical parodies, editing voice clips of said performance to make it sound like the villain's singing (and additionally, he also creates his own tunes, and he's shown that literally every sound he uses is taken from the show, which is just, absolutely mind-boggling effort). He's also created over the years a running joke of Tails being Dr Robotnik's son that people liked enough to ask for more, and then we come to the video above, which is a song about Dr Robotnik spoiling his son Tails asking him what he'll want, which is not at all in line with how the two characters are canonically. And said remixes would eventually get remixed even further, even with crossovers with other characters or musicians, and so forth.

And that is the story of how dozens of creators working separately, and with little intent other than goofing around, single-handedly revived a dead man's music career, as the voice of the fan reinterpretation of a animated adaptation of a videogame villain, popular to the billions if not dozens of billions of views over a decade in the making, on a broadcasting platform said man didn't even live to see being created.

I think sometimes we like to think of ourselves as advanced and jaded enough that nothing surprises us anymore, and if we went back in time and showed an iphone to our great-grandparents they'd start screaming in sheer confusion. And, maybe they would, yeah, but imagine if you were Long John Baldry at any point in his life, even after he finished recording his lines as Robotnik, and someone showed up to you and explained that all of this was going to happen to you, to your voice, to your performance. Imagine if you were one of Valve's lead developers working on Team Fortress 2 during the nine years it spent in development, and someone showed you Raxxo's work and Soldier's Dispenser Quest and just, everything that had happened to characters you hadn't even fully created yet.

I imagine Long John Baldry would have taken it well enough eventually, by all accounts he was a fun person who loved to try new things, and he was an openly gay British vocalist in the 1960s when it was literally illegal to be gay in Britain, so I imagine nothing could possibly rattle his cage that deep in the long run.

But can you honestly tell me you wouldn't freak out at least a little trying to understand just what exactly the future was showing you? Can you honestly tell me your cynicism and world-weariness would be worth anything in the face of all this knowledge about what the world was going to do with your creations and work?

Can you honestly tell me, just now, that you have any idea what the hell is your legacy or reputation as an artist, or even what your art is known for, going to look like in a decade or two from now? And that things aren't going to get weirder than they are now?

I find that fact both frightening and strangely assuring at points, and exciting above all.

[mcheang]

Fortune cookie fox

Inspired by the Sabrina The Teenage Witch book. The character in this book is not human, but an ancient immortal, and thus some of her actions may seem questionable.

In Asia, a fox spirit had heard of the reappearance of the ancient temple after some excitement at Paris.

Curious, the fox decided to look into the matter. Oh the battles were such a laugh. This Hawkmoth had no fashion sense! Though one look at his mask would tell anyone that. And his choice of akumas reduced her to giggles.

A so-called supervillain actually recruits a baby, a Pigeon-lover, a spoilt brat, and someone who blows bubbles into his army? What a joke. They should come visit China, or Japan or Korea. The fox spirit knew of some terrifying monsters that could make Hawkmoth as frail as the real animal.

The fox nodded in recognition of Trixx’s holder. And her first illusion certainly was impressive. Shame there wasn’t another amusement park in the world.

The laughter died on her lips though, when she read about Volpina.

Granted there was nothing wrong with her costume, but what was infuriating was that it was over a failed romance mission or whatever. Fox spirits were notorious for romancing men. The fact that this akuma was using foxes as her motif and still repelling her target was kind of embarrassing for foxes, especially since she wasn’t a real fox to begin with.

Doing some further digging, the fox was appalled that this Lila was such an atrocious liar. Ok, the fact that she seemed to have fooled pretty much everyone was credible. The fox spirit honestly would not have cared so much if this Lila girl wasn’t constantly known for being a fox villain. As if foxes would ever tell such flimsy lies!

No, the fox spirit decided she had to prove to the world that this Lila had no right to be connected to such a noble species.

It was time for Dupont to welcome a new student.

Caline welcomed Blossom to the class. As everyone welcomed her, Blossom was disappointed to see Plan A crumble. She initially intended to win the hearts of all the boys, but Adrien seemed to be guarded by the black cat. Shame. Plan B, then.

Wow everyone with credible lies.

Blossom admitted she loved to travel and took photos of her journeys to see how modern the world has become.

When they mentioned how Lila travelled frequently too, Blossom sweetly suggested Lila bring photos to class, along with photos she must have taken with celebrities.

Lila gritted her teeth, but with Marinette constantly calling her a liar, and a hot girl with amazing stories of her own showing up, she couldn’t back down or she would fade into the shadows.

The next day, Lila brought her photoshopped pictures. But Blossom conjured the magazines with those same celebrity pictures Lila used, claiming she wanted to know these celebrities Lila had befriended.

Seeing the photos, Lila panicked and claimed she forgot.

In any case, Blossom grilled Lila on her schools. Then when Lila suddenly realized her water bottle had cracked and her bag was soaked, she excused herself.

Foxes are natural tricksters and love to play mischief.

With Lila gone, Blossom sweetly suggested they get in touch with Lila’s old schools and arrange a surprise video for Lila.

The class enthusiastically agrees, Max and Alya volunteering to do the work.

While Blossom left them to it, she decided to visit Lila’s photoshoot at the park.

It’s a shame that a Pigeon decided to poop on Lila’s hair, but the photographer was stunned and joyful to see a gorgeous girl nearby. She could take Lila’s place.

Blossom: who? Me?

As Lila hurried to wash her hair, Blossom was a natural model, her fox charm attracting a crowd.

One boy muttered, “What a fox.”

Blossom overheard and murmured, “But isn’t Lila the fox?”

The crowd heard the comment and looked at Lila, then back at the admittedly prettier Blossom.

“Nope. Blossom is definitely the foxy one.”

Lila was humiliated and enraged. As she was akumatized once more, Blossom calmly pointed her finger and Volpina found her flute stoppered with gum. What the hell?

Anyway, her appearance attracted attention and she was defeated. But before Lila could take her exit, Blossom appeared and snatched her necklace. “Maybe it’s best to confiscate this necklace. We don’t want another return of Volpina, do we?”

Under her influence, the crowd agreed with Blossom. Lila had no choice but to agree.

Alone, Blossom eyed the pendant with disdain. A cheap imitation of Trixx’s miraculous.

Blossom closed her fist and when she opened her hand. The pendant had turned into a Lila doll.

“I’m not done with my fun, you phony.”

A few days later, Alya and Max angrily confronted Lila in class. They talked to her old classes who all agreed that Lila was nothing but a lying bully.

Outraged that Lila had deceived and taken advantage of them, the class gangs up on her. She runs away.

Blossom follows so she won’t get akumatized.

Blossom does follow Lila but makes no conversation. Instead she waits for the butterfly. Before Lila can be akumatized, Blossom snatched the akuma and gobbled it. Good magic, bad magic. A fox spirit needed to cultivate.

As Caline came to check on Lila, Lila tried to think of a defense. But it was strange. Why couldn’t she hear anyone else? Why did her wrists hurt? And ouch! What was wrong with her leg?

Blossom was busy playing with her new toy. Lila’s body was physically fine, but it certainly didn’t feel that way.

The nurse was exasperated. Lila was fine. The girl was just trying to play the lamb.

As Mrs Rossi arrived, Lila was helpless. Her body was not obeying her! The words that came out of her mouth were not her own.

Everyone stared as Lila kept trying to play the victim, angry and disappointed.

But when another akuma came, the words that blurted out of Lila’s mouth were from Blossom’s subconscious.

“Oh, goody, another akuma.”

Blossom really liked the energy kick the last one gave her. It wasn’t her intention to have Lila speak her instincts. Oh well. Everyone’s reactions were just too funny. It was all Blossom could do to keep her face just as appalled.

After Lila had been taken away, Blossom got 2 visitors. The kwamis wanted to know why she wanted to expose Lila.

Blossom: how could I let people think that girl was in any way a fox？

With Lila’s credibility ruined, people will certainly wonder how she ever got to be a fox villain in the first place.

Tikki: what will you do now?

Blossom: oh, I plan on watching the akuma fights. They are just too funny. Haha. And maybe I’ll eat an akuma or 2 myself again. Those butterflies really do have an acquired taste.

Plagg: I’ll stick to Camembert.

Blossom wrinkled her nose. “Ew.”

[wrenhyperfixates]

Of All the Places

Chapter 2

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: Washing up in a small town in Oklahoma was definitely not part of Loki’s plan when he came to conquer Midgard. There is one good thing about it, though: No one recognizes him as the one who just wreaked havoc in New York. So, Loki plans to recover from the battle and move on with his life. The only problem? He’s not sure he can leave you. Chapter Summary: It’s a new day and Loki meets the rest of your family. He begins to formulate a plan, but it’s derailed by your hospitality before it can even begin. Chapter Warnings: none A/N: Alright, here we go. Chapter 2! Let me know what you think, and if anyone has any predictions they’d like to share, I would love to hear! Updates every Friday. Enjoy :) P.S. It’s spooky season! That has absolutely nothing to do with this fic, but it’s one of my favorite times of year

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiantfavs​

✥ Start at Beginning ✥ | ← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Loki woke up feeling a lot more alert than he had the previous day. After convincing you that he had amnesia, he spent the rest of the day drifting in and out of slumber, assisting his rapidly healing body get better even faster. He got out of the bed and stretched his aching muscles before scanning the room with fresh eyes. It was even more bare than he had originally realized, but he could tell from patches of less faded paint and wood that there was a time when it wasn’t so sparsely decorated. He flipped a switch by the entrance and the lights came on, sending a surge of panic through him that had him running over to the TV. He let out a sigh of relief when it still did’t work. Though, perhaps that was just because he was so terrible at using Midgardian technology. He stilled for a second and heard a faint mechanical hum easily identified as a generator. The cable would be back sooner rather than later, he was sure, but from looking out the bedroom’s single window, Loki knew he was in the middle of nowhere and that the internet connection was probably spotty at best. With any luck, he would be fully healed in the next few hours and could take his leave.

As he worked on massaging out the remaining dull ache in his body, Loki’s eyes finally landed on a bright pink piece of paper left atop a pile of clothes. His eyes skipped to the bottom where the signature was and, seeing that it bore your name, he went back up to the top to read it. He tugged off his sweaty, bloody clothes and pulled on the ones you’d written were left for him. The material of the shirt was soft enough, but the sweatpants were dreadfully baggy for someone who preferred form-fitting clothes that displayed his physique. Certainly, though, you’d been thinking of the comfort level of what you believed to be a very injured mortal, so he tried to remain thankful. Loki folded up his old clothes and left them in the spot where his new ones had been moments ago.

Back at the window, Loki was once again trying to determine precisely where he was. Besides the landscape, your voice and that of your father’s provided some clues to the most likely locations. He still had to be in North America, he was sure, and though he suspected it was the United States, there wasn’t anything confirming it at the moment. Your father did have a slight twang to his voice, though, so it supported his theory that he was probably in one of the southern states. Other than that, all Loki could determine was that this was a farm; a nice remote farm where he could hide from his oaf of a brother and his new overly heroic friends.

Loki called out to the Tesseract, and it appeared in his hands. Such power for such a tiny object, he thought as he turned it over in his hand. The last time it rested in his palm, he’d not fully been himself. Even so much as looking at it made him feel a little queasy now as he thought of all the crimes he’d committed with it. For it. But when his life is on the line, Loki had learned, there is very little he’d not do to save himself. It was one similarity he shared with mortals that he’d rather not. It was also one of the few he’d actually admit were there. But, no, some mortals were righteous beings. He knew that, but had trouble separating those of a higher caliber from the rest of the species. He wondered what kind of mortal you were, before being pulled out of his musings by a delicious aroma. He debated for a minute before once again tucking the Tesseract away in its dimensional pocket and heading out of the room, down the stairs, towards the amazing scent coming from a lower floor.

“Not a thing,” he heard your voice ring out as he got closer.

“Or so he says,” responded an unfamiliar female voice.

When he rounded the corner he saw it belonged to a woman that must be your mother, or else your older doppelgänger because of how alike the two of you looked. Your dispositions, though, could not have been more different. The first person to notice him lurking half-in, half-out of the room was a small boy who pointed at him.

“New friend!” he cheered. “New friend!”

Such innocence as Loki had never known continuously amazed him. He feared he could be dangerous for this child, but he would be gone so soon that he wouldn’t even be a blip in the boy’s memory.

“I would very much like to be your friend, indeed,” Loki said, crouching down to the boy’s height as he toddled over. The adults in the room all shot each other glances, but no one moved to do anything. “And what might your name be?”

“I’m Matt. And I’m this many,” the child responded, proudly holding up four fingers.

“A pleasure to meet you, Matt. My name is Loki.”

“How many are you?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Oh, far too many to count on fingers, little one. In fact, I am 1,047 years old,” he said, realizing that it would probably just be seen as a joke to amuse the boy, rather than a fact.

He laughed at Loki’s statement, but before he could reply, a woman that was presumably his mom called him over. “Don’t bother our guest right now, Matt. He’s still recovering,” she scolded.

“I assure you, it is completely fine, Mrs...?”

“Johnson. But, please, feel free to call me Ana. And this is my husband, John.”

“Glad to make your acquaintance,” Loki charismatically said, though on the inside he was laughing at the name “John Johnson.” These mortals and their foolish names. “And I do believe we already met,” he added, turning to you.

“Yes, we did. You were so out of it I wasn’t quite sure you remembered. This is Mama,” you said, gesturing to the woman who Loki had correctly identified as your mother.

“Hello,” she drawled, fixing the god with an icy stare.

“Papa, did you hear? Loki’s awake,” you told the man walking out of the kitchen with a plate of light brown disks stacked high.

“Glad you’re up, son. Just in time for pancakes, too,” he said, immediately diffusing the tension brewing between Loki and Mama. “Come on, plop yourself down on a seat over here. You must be pooped, and I promise we don’t bite.”

Loki sauntered over to the chair Papa had gestured to and sat down. Feeling a fuzzy mass moving between his sprawled legs, he peered down and saw a grey-brown cat under the table. He’d never been one for pets, but the soft fur was comforting to his weary soul.

“Taffy,” you tsked at the feline before looking back up at Loki with an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I hope you’re not allergic.”

“Do not worry, I am not. At least,” he added, remembering his lie from the day prior, “I do not remember that I am.”

Loki appraised your charming family in your quaint farmhouse, almost feeling bad to intrude. Though, he reminded himself, he’d be out of your hair before you knew it. Papa was the only one happily chattering on about this year’s harvest, oblivious to the tension at the table, or else ignoring it. The God of Mischief refocused on the plan he’d created this morning; he needed answers. You were seated beside him and, besides your father and nephew, the only one who didn’t seem wary of him. And you were really the only viable option as Loki didn’t want to get sucked into a conversation about the wheat crop with your father, and Matt was at the age where he was only vaguely aware he was on planet Earth.

“If you do not mind,” he started, turning to you, “I have a few questions.”

“Of course you do. Sorry, I’m such an idiot,” you said smacking your forehead. “Please, ask away.”

The way you immediately seemed to blame and degrade yourself reminded Loki of himself. The difference, however, was that you did it aloud while Loki kept it bottled up. Whose way was better, he didn’t know. Perhaps neither was really good.

“It is quite alright,” he reassured you. “To begin, where exactly are we?”

Apparently it was some hole in the wall in Oklahoma, so Loki had been fairly correct in his middle of nowhere assessment. Apparently, you weren’t outrageously far from Oklahoma City, though Loki felt it best he avoid cities for a little bit. The nearby town that your farm was technically a part of was a very close knit community, so you knew that wasn’t where he was from.

“I see,” he said, planning his next move. “And that is how far from New York?”

“Far. Why? Is that where you’re from?” you asked, getting excited for Loki that he might already be getting his memory back.

“I am not sure,” Loki lied. “I just seem to think that is where I was headed. Or coming from.”

“Maybe you were at some kind of convention,” John offered, tuning in to the conversation. “Aren’t those a big thing in New York City?”

“It would sure explain the clothes!” Papa added.

“Great. Let’s send him back there,” Mama said, already standing up like she intended to drive him there right at the moment.

“Mama,” you harshly whispered, hating how unwelcoming she was being.

“Maybe he was on vacation from England. He does have an accent,” Ana chimed in, hoping to prevent a fight.

“I am afraid that I do not remember,” Loki muttered.

He was thankful no one was even concerned about how he arrived here. There was something else, too. He was feeling uncharacteristically ashamed because of how helpful you all were being. Well, most of you were being, anyway. He reminded himself again that he would be gone within the hour.

“It’s ok,” you soothed. “Like I said yesterday, you can stay here for as long as you need. In fact, I insist that you do.”

“I... Thank you.”

Loki still planned to leave rather quickly, but the kind look in your eyes compelled him to stay for a little while longer. After all, it couldn’t hurt to think about his next move a bit more. If he were to use the Tesseract again, Heimdall would surely notice. So, he’d lie low for a while and then get off this accursed planet.

“Well if he’s going to be staying here, he better help out some,” Mama grumbled. “I won’t have any freeloaders on my farm.”

“Now now, honey,” Papa said, patting her hand. “He’s still injured, after all.”

“On the contrary, I would happy to help,” Loki interjected, shooting a charming smile at Mama. “I am feeling much better now.”

“See, Earl,” Mama said triumphantly. “He’s fine.”

Everyone else tried to fight on Loki’s behalf but, between him and Mama, it was a losing battle. Eventually, it was time to clean up from breakfast, and you took him away from the clattering of empty dishes to find him so work clothes. The trickster god got a much better look at the rest of the house while you led him higher and higher until you reached the attic. You hesitated a second before opening a box labeled “James’s Clothes.” As you gently picked up the shirt on top, Loki peered over your shoulder wondering who this stuff belonged to.

“My brother’s,” you began before he could ask, sensing the question on his tongue. “We were going to donate them anyway, so I suppose it doesn’t really matter. And don’t worry, I’ll talk to Mama before she sees you. I’d give you some of John’s things, or Papa’s even, but you know.”

Indeed, Loki did know. Though he was roughly the same height as both the men, he was much leaner than they were. Unfortunately, that was about the only thing he understood. Your little distracted speech left him with even more questions than before, but something in him was screaming not to push you, to think of someone else for once. So, all he said was thank you. After a quick pit stop in the room from the night before to change into the bundle of clothes you’d given him, Loki made his way back downstairs where yet another argument was taking place. He was certain that his arrival was causing more tension than normal. His mind briefly flitted to his own family. It all seemed so picturesque, once, but that time was long gone. His mother—or Queen Frigga, as he supposed he should start calling her—never changed. She was as kind and gentle as ever, yet still possessed this refined regality and power. In other words, she was the complete opposite of Mama, who turned on her heel and made a disgruntled sigh as she exited when Loki appeared.

“There ya are, son,” Papa greeted once she was gone. “We had an idea while you were up there. We should make you up a missing person ad. I’m sure someone’s bound to know who you are.”

There was that sickeningly Thor-esque optimism in Papa’s voice. Not to mention the nickname “son” which, for someone like Loki at least, was one of the worst thing he could be called. He did his best not to grimace.  

“No thank you,” he replied, before continuing at the behest of your confused looks. “I certainly would not want to put you out any more than I already have.”

“Nonsense. We just gotta find the camera,” Papa said, already moving past him.

Loki just sighed, deciding he’d find a way to stall later. When he finally looked back at you, your hands were clasped behind your back and you were nervously shifting your weight.

“In the meantime,” Loki began, picking up where he left off with your father, “why not show me what I may help with?”

You took him out to the chicken coop and taught him how to collect eggs. He supposed it made sense this was the task left for him considering you all still thought he was a fragile human. As you taught him, you prattled on about your life and your family. You mentioned how Mama met Papa, and how your sister met John, but nothing about your brother. Loki was on the verge of asking, but he didn’t want to make his time with you awkward. Even more than that, he didn’t want it to seem like he cared. No need to cause any extra pain when he inevitably left, right? Though your glittering eyes and stunning smile were working overtime to convince him otherwise.

“That’s all there is to it,” you said, finishing up your tutorial. “Any questions?”

“None at all. You are an excellent teacher.”

You two shared a laugh, and Loki was shocked by how easily conversation was flowing. Though, he let you do most of the talking, lest he reveal something that does not align with the rest of his story. All too soon, you had to leave to take care of your other chores. For a second, Loki felt as if he missed you already, but he quickly pushed the thought out of his mind and focused on the task at hand. Just a week, he repeated in his mind as he gently placed eggs in the basket you’d given him. Just a week.

As he approached the farmhouse, he noticed a thick newspaper on the long driveway. He went over to examine it and, sure enough, he’d made the headlines. No clear photos of him attached, luckily, but the clothes were distinctive enough that you would recognize him for sure. Loki looked side to side before performing a quick spell to get rid of the paper. He headed back over to the house before anyone could notice him, ignoring the annoyingly persistent guilt bubbling within him.

“Just a week,” he muttered to himself again as he neared where you were on the front porch. “Just a week.”

But deep down, he already knew it would be much longer than that.

[binniedeactivated]

saint. || soobin🌪(2)

ya’ll--- i just want to say that soobin looks so STUNNING in this photo i literally can’t with this man

🖤┊𝔰𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔱 . ೄྀ࿐ 𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: 𝖘𝖔𝖔𝖇𝖎𝖓 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊: 𝖘𝖒𝖚𝖙/𝖆𝖚  𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙; 2007.

you knocked on the door that stood taller than anything you’ve ever seen. you looked at your shoes a bit and smoothed out your outfit. you decided to wear something to help you guys get in the mood. it was a pink pastel halter top with a plaid skirt to go with it. you wore boots instead of heels because...you didn’t want to make it look like you tried too hard. You knew were his house was i mean..who didn’t know where the choi’s resided? It was the only mansion anyone has ever seen in this small town. You remember passing it a lot when you were little, wondering how lucky it was to grow up into a rich family. You weren’t poor or anything but you wouldn’t exactly say you were upper middle class. Maybe somewhere in between. anyways, Even though the skirt you wore barely passes your knees you still thought you looked well conserved. Not a whore like your mother would say, even though she barely saw you because you wore a big jacket before you left your house.

anyways you were ringing the doorbell for what if felt like hours until the door was swung open. There was soobin just standing there in plain attire. A black t shirt and grey sweatpants. He wore his black hair over his eyes this time instead of the side part he normally wore to school. You thought he looked rather cute when he wasn’t trying to look like an arrogant prince. He checks you out and gives you this dumb grin that makes you blush almost instantly. You thought it was stupid maybe you shouldn’t have wore the outfit maybe it did make you look like a try hard. 

“you can come in” soobin says not mentioning the outfit at all even though he thought your out of school clothes made you look much more mature and sexy. You enter and was immediately intimidated by the high ceilings and marble floors. the big golden chandelier that sat in the middle of the two staircases that curved up into a hallway. There were angelic engravings of a baby cupid plastered on the wall in stone. His house was beautiful but you weren’t surprised. The choi’s were loaded. He closes the door behind you finding it cute at how you stare at everything. 

“I’m starting to think you’ve never saw a house before”. Soobin says behind you with his deep voice scaring the hell out of you. 

“I have. It’s just yours is...beautiful”. 

“yeah. my family have owned this house for years. have had dozens of renovations on it so it never looks old or run down. since I have no older siblings i’m up next to own it”.

you bite the inside of your cheek thinking about how lucky he was. Here he was with a mansion to his name at 18 years old, and you were lucky if your family leaves you a scarf or piece of expensive jewelry in their passing.

“Are you hungry?”. soobin asks while walking to the kitchen. you just watch him. he was much nicer outside of school. it felt like he was living two lives. you furrow your eyebrow. 

“am i hungry?”.

“have you never heard of food before either?”. he laughs while digging into his cupboards. 

“i’m sorry i’m not used to nice choi soobin. only that prissy jerk that i go to school with”. soobin laughs as if you told a joke or something. you watched his eyes envelope again and again, it was so cute. but you still weren’t going to admit that.

“but no i’m not hungry thanks for asking”. 

“a prissy jerk. that’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me”. 

you decide to take a seat on one of the highchairs at his kitchen island. you could go on and on about the black and grey stone designs and granite countertops that raided his kitchen but you’d rather save the description of his house for a different time. it was a beauty though.

he takes out two slices of bread and starts spreading peanut butter on a piece with a spoon, like a weirdo. 

“too bad you denied hunger. i make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches around town”. 

“oh no, i feel so bad that i’m missing out on peanut butter and jelly on a ripped piece of bread”. you joke. 

“ripped?”.

“yes it’s ripped now because you decided to scrape peanut butter on it with a spoon”. 

soobin licks the peanut butter off of his finger and focuses on it like it was a science experiment.

“how else should it go on there?”. 

“with a butterknife”. 

“what?”. 

he asks with a boggled expression. you sigh, hopping your short legs off of the highchair and going into his silverware drawer. you pick up a butterknife and grab another piece of bread and began spreading the peanut butter on it smoothly. you grabbed another butterknife and spread the jelly on it the same way and tossed the utensils in the sink when you were done. you closed the caps on both of the jars before handing the sandwich up to soobin who had his eyes on you the whole time.

you two made this sort of eye contact that made your heart skip a beat. it was like he was looking directly into your soul, embracing you. It was more intimidating because of the height difference. he towered over you like the giant he was.

“thank you”. he utters before smirking again and biting into the sandwich sloppily as if he were five years old. not to mention the crumbs that fell to the floor as he did so. 

“soobin you’re getting crumbs on the floor”, you fuss grabbing a broomstick. he takes it from your hand and puts it back in the corner. 

“just leave it. the maid will get it, it’s fine”. you brush a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“that doesn’t mean you purposely leave it there”. you mention while grabbing the broom again and quickly sweeping up his mess. You washed your hands shortly after and soobin stands in the doorway watching you cutely while eating his sandwich. his dimples depressing in both cheeks. 

you wipe your hands with a piece of paper towel and dispose it. you hadn’t noticed he was staring until you lock eyes with him again. 

“alright soobin what are you looking at?”.

“you. you’re cute. my mom doesn’t even fuss over me like this”. he says before licking jelly off of his hand. you glared at him disgustingly. 

“just finish your sandwich soobin”. you mumble, and he throws the last bite into his mouth before dusting his hands off. you stand back in the foyer with your hands on your hips. 

“alright, so where are we doing this?”. 

with his mouth still full he says, “we can go upstairs to my room”. and you follow after him up the spiraled stairs and down the hallway that was infested with pictures of soobin and his family. Ultra sound soobin, newborn soobin, Baby soobin, toddler soobin, preteen soobin, middle aged teen soobin, up until now. 

you finally enter his room that was of course as royal as the rest of the house. His bed was huge and had drapes over it and was held on a platform as if he was some sort of king. He had at least a 90 inch tv mounted on the brick wall across his bed with a fire place underneath. and could you guess what the color scheme of his room was?

yes, yes it was. it was royal blue. he had numerous sports trophies in a trophy case next to his closet. and boy, soobin’s closet was like another room in his home. he even had his own bathroom. While you struggled for bathroom time at your own house, this boy literally pisses and poops as he pleases. 

why do bad people get the best out everything? 

“you like it?”. 

he questions scaring you again. you nod. 

“your family must really love you. this room looks expensive. how much does it cost to sit on your bed?”. you joke. soobin laughs and hops on his bed with his shoes off. while he lays down he watches you go around his room and look around.

“so, are you ready?”. he asks. you were nervous. you bite your lips taking your jacket off slowly. 

“sure”. you say like you had no fear in the world. you were dying inside. he adjusts himself on the bed. you take a step up and breathed before you straddled him. soobin settles his hands on your waist. 

“so, the first step to sex would be foreplay but since we covered that in Sister helena’s class already--”. you and soobin stop and share a laugh. yours was mainly out of embarassment though so you playfully hit his chest. 

“We can start with kissing. Have you ever kissed someone before?”.

“no”. you muttered hoping he didn’t hear you. It was quite humiliating to be 18 and to have never kissed a soul. 

“well, let me see what i’m working with first then. Lay one on me”. he demands pointing to his face and closing his eyes. you stared at his stupidly cute face and had an urge to smack it but you didn’t. 

you lean into his cheek and he backs up opening his eyes. you sit back up.

“on the lips”. you widen your eyes. 

“fine fine”. he closes his eyes again and you go for it. while you were pushing your lips on his he laughs against your mouth making you stare him in his eyes. 

“why are you kissing me like that”. and you couldn’t help but laugh at your own efforts. 

“like what?”.

“like you’re scared of what’s going to happen next”. he flutters his eyes back open. “when you kiss someone you kiss them with confidence and passion, even if you don’t like them. that’s what makes it good. and that’s also how it gets heated very quickly”.

you folded your arms. 

“how do you know so much about sex anyways?”. soobin chuckles again. god why was he so cute?

“hey hey this isn’t about me it’s about you. Do you want to try again or would you like me to demonstrate it?”.

not wanting to hear him clown you again you agree to the second option. soobin sits up so that his face was closer to yours. he was actually much better looking up close. he stared in your eyes with that same stare again. As if he were looking directly into your soul embracing your wholeness. it was loving. and caring. way opposite from the Choi soobin you knew at school. 

he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “you have to relax. alright?”. you nod and close your eyes trying to maintain steady breathing. He cups your cheek before his cloud like lips layer yours in a way that yours could never layer his. He had so much more power in his kiss, kissing your upper lip and then your lower lip shortly after. in the movies you’d normally see the girl kiss back. so that’s exactly what you did, or attempted to do.

you mimicked soobin’s movements of kissing his upper lip and bottom lip before pushing yours fully on his. you had to say, the moment was angelic. the both of you continue with the same passion, struggling for air. your heart picks up it’s pace again and you felt like you were on cloud nine. You both were so engulfed in the kiss you hadn’t notice that soobin had laid down and you followed him, on top of him kissing him like you never had before. he lowers his hands down below your waist grasping your ass now, and you omit a tiny whimper into his mouth. 

“soobin-ah! we’re home did you study your bible?”. his mom yelled from down the stairs with his dad arriving behind her with a closing door.

[bourbon-ontherocks]

(Previously, on Season 4 rewatch...)

Ugh. Is all I have to say. Jk, trolling bullshit under the cut!

At this point, I just want to underline the absolute accumulation of nonsense that is this "previously, on GG" montage at the beginning. Like, I can't believe we went through SO MUCH random bullshit 90% of which hasn't ever been adressed/resolved.

I really don't see the point of getting a 3 minutes introduction scene for a new character who won't make it til the end of the episode, honestly. The "I feel pretty" montage introducing Phoebe was absolutely justified given that we've seen a lot of her, but this? It's Tyler's morning routine all over again, except that I actually LIKE Tyler, while I don’t give a shit about nosey cop...

So I thought I was too drunk to understand the first time I watched that episode, but I'm sober now, and I still don't get why there's a random cop having breakfast with Nick, or why is Dave rambling about spiders, or why we don't get to see more of that hipster manbun waiter who I'm sure is the hatted barman's brother...

You know at this point I feel like the girls being in desperate need for money is their constant state and I’ve lost the count of why they need the money right now.

GTFO THIS PARK BENCH DEAN THIS IS BETH AND RIO'S SPECIAL SPOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU????

I'm howling, Rio is LITERALLY ambushed behind a tree at this point, you cannot show up so fast right after Dean has left without having been hiding ten feet away for at least twenty minutes!!! And then he basically DISAPPEARS??? Seconds before Dean waves goodbye?? I'm sorry I need to lie down, this is the funniest joke that I've seen on that show, like ever.

Aside from pooping constantly, these fictional kids don't do so much. Does anybody on this show has actual children?

I have to admit I am LIVING for this Stan-Beth hostility... I mean, I feel for Ruby to be caught in the middle, but I'm so proud of my Stanimal!!! Also I want to slap Beth during every second of that scene. Repeatedly. Period.

I hate how Beth implies that Ruby isn's as much a perfect mom as her because she's not on enough mom chains or whatever, especially when we've seen the Hills parenting their children MUCH BETTER than Beth.

DIAAAAAAAAANE!!!!!!!!

Um, Dean, unless you want to sound like an incel, I wouldn't phrase "a community of men supporting each other" like that, but maybe that's just me lol. But also, seeing Dean failing at literally ANY business he starts is just hilarious and heart-warming

So I don't know a lot about children, but I'm sorry, the cop's daughter can't be nine, right? Do you know a lot of nine-year-olds who make pancakes at dawn?? This girl was a teenager, like at least 12-13, I think?

Is it me, or is it particularly dumb to go to the one politician you suspect of corruption and be like, "Tadaaa, how does it feel to be tied up to criminals? Here's my precinct by the way." Like.... what do you expect is going to happen????

I understand where Annie comes from, but I really don't like the way she's turning into a mini-Beth with Kevin this season. She's basically using him every time she needs something and doesn't care about him, and she just, um... used to not be Like That.

Okay I have a question for my American mutuals. WHO are these rich housewives who have nothing better to do all day than giggle and be cute so their hubby give them pocket money to buy expensive bags? Is that a thing in the US? Is this show happening in the 50s????

GO STANIMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is for real the best scene of the entire season. “YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF, BETH”. SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

Beth: "I'm not a total bitch" Me: Pahahahahahahaha, hold my beer while I roll on the floor, this is the funniest thing I've ever heard

So, Dean wanting to become an astronaut totally foreshadows this Dean x Rio love story, right? Right?? Also I kinda like this parallel between Dean drinking with his bike/skincare buddy while Beth drinks with her secret service buddy, I hope it's going to end on mutually cheating on both sides

Dean's face when he realizes that he should have read the tiny fonted lines on the pyramid contract is priceless.

I get so many sapphic vibes from that Beth x Phoebe scene, it's surreal.

I remember seeing a comment about that before I actually watched the episode so I didn't really get by then what it was about, but I totally agree now. The box's lid should have popped open. It looks like it's taped but Beth couldn't possibly do that in time.

No, I won't dignify this infamous scene with a comment. I've already said everything I had to say about it. The show is ruined for me.

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(I'm giving it the silent treatment in case you were wondering)

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Unpopular opinion: scar discourse aside, Rio is hotter with his clothes on than shirtless. I'll stand by that.

"I'll buy you some eggs, come on" -> What's this show's obsession with eggs????

“SHE KNOWS“. Okay, that was funny

Why exactly does Nick hit Rio? Is it to punish him for having killed Lucy without asking for his permission? Like, Rio's only supposed to follow Nick's orders? So to which point exactly is Nick involved in Rio's business?? This is very confusing

POOR TOOTHBRUSH SHE'S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH!!!!!!! (No but seriously, I thought that Annie used her own or a spare nobody used to wack off on. Ew)

Also, what's the point of killing nosey cop? Isn't it going to drag more heat around? Given Nick's apparently infinite connections, he certainly can silence the case without actually killing him, like, offering him money he can't refuse, relocating him somewhere else, pinning a felony on him to decredibilize him, whatever works? Also POOR MICK!!!! I'm glad to see that my boy's okay but he deserves a break.

Excuse me, when did Rio take this gift-wrapping AND calligraphy class???? I want my Blizrabeth scribbling back!!!

So what? They're doing the exact same stuff with another country? Seriously? That's flipping your game, Rio? Ugh, sad boi is tired.

Bonus: Actual foot-- yeah you know the trick by now.

Bonus 2: smurf!Beth when she opened the box

[piracytheorist]

A Kiss for Good Luck (16/16) [Epilogue]

Summary: So this is the story of one born lucky, and one born unlucky. Fate will keep making them cross paths, but is it to bring them together, or to test them? Captain Swan AU.

Rating: T (make sure you’re okay with the warnings on AO3)

Word count for this chapter: 1.4k (51k in total) AO3

Read from the beginning: Tumblr | AO3

~

Epilogue: Six months later

“Oh, sugar!”

Killian smiles at Nemo's euphemism, despite the sauce currently staining his pants. Emma quickly grabs a towel and pats it over the stain, as Nemo runs to bring a wet one.

“It's okay, Nemo. It's not that much.”

“Sorry, son.”

“Come sit down, dad,” Tink says impatiently. “We're all waiting for you.”

“It's a holiday, can I have some time to take care of my family?” Nemo says back, but throws a wink at Tink as he gives Killian the wet towel.

“Even when it's the two of us, sometimes papa takes forever to sit down at the table,” Alice comments, fork already in hand.

“Exactly!” Will says with mock exasperation. “We don't need all the fanfare, dads, we just want to eat!”

“Fine,” Nemo says, finally sitting down. “Let's eat.”

Conversation flows easily, as a Christmas playlist makes the atmosphere even more cheerful; it's a far cry from the lonely, bland Christmas Emma had last year, with her only consolation being pop-tarts and a chat with Killian.

She can't find any pop-tarts here, but Killian's company more than makes up for it. He didn't need to secretly promise her she'd never have to celebrate alone again, but he did and somehow it's all working out. The bad luck they were left with has not been enough to ruin any plans.

“So you're flying to Stockholm in three days?” Rogers asks.

“Yeah, we'll be changing the year with my family there,” Emma says. “It's a closer trip from here than from Boston.” And less lonely.

“Does it get cold up there?” Alice asks.

“Oof,” Emma says. “Very. But if we're lucky, we'll go even further north and get to see the northern lights. That alone is fully worth the cold.”

Killian turns to her and smiles warmly; being with her as he gets to know the important people in her life would be worth all the cold in the world.

He looks around the table, impatient as he is to finish eating so he can hold Emma's hand. Nemo and Shakespeare grew quite close to Rogers during his rehabilitation, as they would drive Alice to the hospital every day to see him. It was a busy summer, what with the extra work due to Shakespeare's errands, tourist season and Emma moving in with him.

At first, it was difficult not to point out every single, tiny setback, like packages getting lost only to be found a week later, food – though only food – getting burned, stepping on dog poop, catching all the red lights, or having bad WiFi at times.

However, those were as bad as it's gotten, for the first time they've had each other to sympathize with, and the sight of a happy Alice and her healthy father is more than enough to make up for the small shows of bad luck. It's become easy, getting used to it.

Maybe they're so unaccustomed to having normal luck that any tiny hint of bad fortune sticks out, Emma said once. All it does, however, is simply get slightly annoying, a grand contrast to the worst luck they've had, and it's worth it knowing that they are free to kiss without fearing they've stolen the other's luck.

It's now where Fate intended it to be; on Alice's side.

Emma sits aside as Alice and Killian get lost in the astronomy book Nemo got her as a Christmas gift, and Rogers approaches her.

“May I?” he says, pointing at the seat next to her.

She nods. Being the one in the house who's had the fewest conversations with Rogers, she's still unused to just how much he looks like Killian. And just like every other time, a wave of happiness washes through her at the thought of still being with Killian at the time he'll have as many grey hair and wrinkles.

“Can I ask you something?” Rogers says. At her nod, he says, “Is it hard? Having family that far away?”

“It's closer now,” Emma says. “When you have good company where you are, it can feel like it's not that bad...” She winces slightly. “But when it's a holiday or something, and you talk to them and they're telling you they're all gathered together, and you're alone in your apartment eating take-out...”

“I don't mean to sound glum in such a day, but my incident last summer brought over some worries. Alice will be alone if something happens to me.”

Emma highly doubts anything will happen to him, but it would take a very long explanation for him to believe it and feel relief.

“I'm starting to think she won't,” she says, looking back at Alice and Killian, still lost over the book as Shakespeare joins them.

“So, it's been easier? Since you moved in here? I mean, when it comes to the distance from your family.”

“They've been very welcoming. They're a found family, you know? It's kind of a part of them to welcome anyone who's looking for support.” She turns back to him. “You shouldn't think like that, you know.”

“Alice is my responsibility. I ought to make sure she'll be taken care of if something happens.”

She smiles. “You're a good dad.”

He laughs lightly. “You think so? Sometimes I feel that my whole life is one part my job and two parts Alice.” He looks at his daughter, an indescribable smile spreading on his lips. “I don't know who I'd be without her.”

“Look, I don't know the others much more than the two of you do. In fact, Alice has stayed in this house longer. But we're all here, celebrating. You're already invited for New Year's Eve here, right?”

“Yeah. Nemo and John have been very kind.”

“And you wanted an outsider's opinion,” Emma says with a knowing smile.

“It's just... I don't want her to be alone, you know?”

She does, in a way. At first she was terrified to tell Ingrid she was moving continents for a guy she only knew for less than a year, but Ingrid's response was that she was happy that Emma was being welcomed into a family. Being deported made so painfully obvious how Ingrid was all Emma had in the beginning. She would never oppose her finding more people to lean on. And she's now excited to meet Killian, as is he to meet her.

“She won't be,” Emma says finally. “They're good people. But I have a good feeling it won't come down to them.”

Rogers smiles at her, somehow looking relieved. Maybe he believes her.

It's two days later and Killian is packing the warmest clothes he's ever bought.

“I can't wait to look like an onion,” he jokes.

Emma smiles lazily from the bed, her suitcase still undone. “You'll be the handsomest onion I've ever seen.”

“Do you think we should tell Ingrid about the luck thing?”

Emma's face grows serious. “Does it matter?”

Killian puts his clothes down and sits on the bed next to her. “I know that she's important to you. It was a great relief for me, to tell Nemo and him believing me. I thought you should have that too, if you want to share it with her.”

She gives him a tearful smile and gets up to embrace him. “I mean, it won't change anything, right? We gave it away,” she says.

“Aye. But it might mean a lot to you to be open about it with her. It has kind of shaped us both.”

She sniffles and leans back to look into his eyes. “Perhaps we might need to explain why we won't get to see the northern lights even when the weather forecast says clear skies.”

“You think we'll be that unlucky?” He raises an eyebrow playfully.

She smiles.

He gives her a quick kiss. “Even if we are, I think Lady Luck may smile upon us on one of our next trips there. I'll get to see those damn lights.”

She kisses him back. The promise of going there again with him, and more than once, fills her heart with joy.

Their bad luck hasn't mattered these past months. It hasn't been enough to interfere with their lives, their jobs, their closest people. They've been enough, and their lives have taught them to be content with the love and care from others, and each other. They've been happy.

And it's all they'll ever need.

~

A/N: All things must come to an end! This marks the completion of my first “normal” (as in, actually having a plot) multi-chapter fanfic, and it still hasn’t registered. I want to thank everyone who has commented and supported this story, and in advance, everyone who will in the future. I’m happy, and sad, in a way, to see that people stuck with this story and let it break their hearts before finally reaching the fluffy ending that was promised at the start. I hope the conclusion made all the angst worth it!

Thank you, again. Your support has meant so much ❤️