#does anyone know how to treat ptsd in dogs

[koheletgirl]

naga is having her usual morning freakout and my partner is trying to explain to her that there's a ceasefire

[justmeinadaze]

Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites (Steddie X You)

A/N: This is that idea I told y'all about when my PTSD was really bad last week. I actually liked writing some of this out <3. It did help a bit. I wish I had them and a Red to help me through those rough days.

I did set this after the events of Season 4 so slight spoilers involving Max mostly. Im kind of excited to explore a bit more of Steve's PTSD involving the show. I did it a bit here. I also chose to utilize my own trauma as the readers trauma. I'll delve a bit more in the warnings.

Anyone struggling with their mental health, you are not alone <3. You're feelings are valid and we just have to take things one day at a time. I love you :)

Warnings: Steddie X Fem Reader, No smut yet, Fluff with the reader trying to make them feel better and vice versa. Angst, trauma involving the show is mentioned especially with Steve's feelings of what happened to Max, mentions of Eddie being blamed and the town treating him like trash, he does talk about his abuse as a child very briefly as does the reader. No details are mentioned just that it happened. Reader has a panic attack that the boys help her through.

I do expand on symptoms of PTSD and how the reader feels. Symptoms of mental health can be different for everyone so I focused more on what I experience with my own PTSD. As I progress in the chapters and she becomes more open with them I will most likely talk about things that happened to me. I didn't want to generalize what she was going through mostly because its hard. PTSD and trauma are complicated in it of its self so...

Word Count: 5314

You had been coming to this group for years because of your mental health. Your doctor suggested it stating that it might help you to hear from other people going through the same thing you were. Truth be told it never worked. The other people in this post traumatic stress support group were mostly military vets or officers who had just moved to Hawkins to “get away from the chaos.” You imagined it was a quite a shock for them when the earthquake hit…

While a lot of their symptoms and aftermath stories were similar to yours, you struggled to connect. If anything, you felt more alone. So why did you keep coming back?

Routine, maybe. Or the need to have any kind of human contact since you spend the bulk of your time by yourself at home. Hell, you even worked from home so the only living thing you interacted with on a daily basis was your service dog, Ren. You rarely ever spoke in group, choosing to sit there and listen to the other people speak. 

Since the earthquake, however, more people had joined to your dismay. Most of the citizens that came in took up most of the time talking about the event and how scared they were about what happened. You tried not to let the disgust show on your face when they spoke, understanding that everyone experiences things differently but they didn’t really know. 

They didn’t know what it was like to spend years replaying an event in your head even when you’re asleep. To have those moments where something that would be random to someone else meant something significant to you triggering a panic attack that knocked you on your ass for the rest of the day. They didn’t know what it was like to be so scared to even go to the fucking grocery store to get essentials without the fear that everyone is talking about you and judging you because you’ve been standing in front of the canned goods for a little bit too long wondering if you buy this will you actually eat it or will it just sit there for months at a time because some days you don’t feel like eating. 

Your PTSD consumed a lot of your life for most of your life whereas these people were just now stepping into it and were most likely going to step right back out. After a few months, you were correct. All those citizens gradually stopped coming in till it was just the regular survivors once again. 

After grabbing some coffee, you and Ren sat in your usual spot, waiting for the meeting to start. The dog grabbed your attention when he whined and without warning placed his head on the stranger beside you. 

“Oh. Hey, buddy.”, he coos as his big hand reaches down to pet his head. 

“I’m sorry. He probably senses your anxiety.”

“Well shit. He’s not wrong. I’m not really good at any of this.”, he gestures around the room. “But some of my friends insisted we come so…”

“We?”

“Yeah, um…” The boy’s eyes glance up towards someone headed for the seat next to him and it takes you a moment to realize everyone else’s eyes on him as well. 

You recognized his face immediately, Edward Munson. The metalhead had been accused of being a satanic worshipper who murdered a bunch of teens a few months ago. He had been cleared of those charges thanks to the help of the old police chief, some detective journalism by Nancy Wheeler, and his friend… “Steve Harrington?”

“That’s me. Do I know you? My memory isn’t what it used to be.”

“She had school with us and graduated along with you, Harrington.”, Eddie sighed as he folded his arms.

“Oh. I’m sorry. What was your name?”

“You look different.”, you blurted before turning away from him and closing your eyes. “I’m…I’m sorry. Sometimes…my mouth moves before…before my brain catches up.”

Ren senses your heightened anxiety and places himself between your legs so you can pet his head, down his back. 

“Alright everyone, let’s get started.”, the overly cheery coordinator grins as he sits down and crosses his legs. While glancing at his clipboard, he addresses the circle. “Does anyone have anything they’d like to share before we get going?”

“Why is he here?”, someone sneers as they point towards the metalhead. 

“He should be in a cell not in group therapy.”, says another.

“Hey now. Mr. Munson is entitled to care just like everyone else and I expect you guys to treat him with the same respect we do everyone else. If that’s going to be a problem, I completely understand, feel free to leave and meet us at our other scheduled time on Thursday.”

Half the people in the room stood up and walked out, the last person slamming the door of the room for emphasis. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Steve pat his back comfortingly as Eddie lets out a deep, heartbroken sigh.

“Would either of you like to introduce yourself to the rest of the group?” 

The metalhead continued to glare forward as Steve spoke up. “As some of you may know, I’m Steve Harrington and this is my friend Eddie. Our other friend Robin suggested we try this since we, uh, we’ve been having some trouble lately.”

“Good, very good. Nice to meet you both. This is a safe space so please feel free to be open here.”

“Thank you.”

“Let’s, uh, let’s continue down the line here. Y/N? Do you feel like talking? I see Ren is on duty today. Something you’re anxious about?”

“Everything.” The man chuckles as people around the room nod in agreement. “I’m ok today, thanks.” 

The remainder of the meeting goes by smoothly without any incident and as it ends everyone rises to leave except the two people next to you. They expect you to leave as well but when you stand, instead of heading for the door you place yourself next to Eddie. He doesn’t move or make any gestures to acknowledge your presence and you’re ok with that. You aren’t really one for small talk or anything like that but something about his demeanor gave you a gut feeling that you decided to expand on. 

Your therapist was always preaching about learning to trust your gut and positive self-talk making your eyes roll every time. 

“Um, this is Ren. He’s a service lab for me because I, uh, I get shaky and anxious really easily. He can sense when I’m nervous or about to have an attack so he helps ground me. I can just pet him or he’ll let me hold him. At home, he’s trained to bring me my medication.”

Steve watches you speak, seemingly trying to get a read on you while Eddie continues to stare straight ahead. You can tell he’s listening though because his head tilted ever so slightly towards you as you began explaining things. Personally, he was so ecstatic to hear a stranger talk calmly with him but he couldn’t display that for fear of ruining the moment or worse, it being a lie.

“Do…do you want to pet him?” 

His head finally whips around to look at you as his eyes scan yours. Swallowing nervously, he sat up straighter, rolling his eyes in faux frustration as his palm reached out to pet the dog’s head. 

“Why Ren? How did you come up with that?”, Steve asked.

“The morning before I got him, I saw Footloose at the cinema. I like Kevin Bacon’s character and his name was Ren. Do you want to see something cute?” Without waiting for an answer, you stood in front of them and motioned for the lab to stand in front of you. Holding out your hands, you sang the Footloose theme song and he jumped up to place his paws in your hands to dance with you.

Both men smiled and you knew you’d never be able to explain why but it comforted you. 

“I, um, I know this town can be full of assholes but I hope you do come back next week. Craig, the coordinator, will take care of you. He’s a little quirky but he’s nice.”

Again, you don’t wait for an answer as you gather your things and Ren before heading out the door. 

****

When Steve got home that night, he immediately went on the hunt for his yearbook. 

“What are you doing, man?”, Eddie whined as he threw himself on the bed. 

“Looking for my yearbook. I’m surprised I don’t remember her. The guy said Y/N, do you remember her last name?”

Of course, he did. When you were in school together, he had a few classes with you especially English. Junior year you wrote a story that the teacher made you read in front of the class about a girl who was hiding in a forest behind a tree as she watched two monsters argue about how they were going to eat her when they found her. The other kids thought you were weird but he identified with it; picturing his parents fighting as you read.

Eddie never found the courage to speak to you but he was always your hidden knight, watching over you. One of the party boys had talked about how they fucked you and how much of a freak you were so he slashed the kids tires and spray painted “Asshole” in big, bold letters on his car. You probably didn’t remember but on valentine’s day he had slipped a note in your locker that was a drawing of you battling your monsters you had written about. 

“No. Come on, Harrington. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like we’re going back anyway.”

Steve paused his search as he sat down and crossed his legs. “Why wouldn’t we go back?”

“I don’t know if you noticed but people weren’t exactly excited I was there.”

“Fuck those people. At least one person was excited. Two if you count the dog.”

“Yeah sure. Let ruin that by bringing her into our shit. Plus, it’s not like we can tell anyone or talk about what really happened.”

Steve sighed as he got up to sit beside him. “Ed, first off, there isn’t shit to bring her into. Vecna’s dead; we killed him. Secondly, we don’t have to talk about what happened…just what happens after.”

“Really? You want to play that game, Steven? He may be dead but we still got shit. Max is still in a coma, Dustin is still struggling, the town is quite literally cut in half, and ALL of us still have fucking nightmares with all that other fun post traumatic shit. Things are still so out of whack we haven’t even told our friends about us yet.”

“They have enough on their plates.”

“Exactly. So, I reiterate, why do you want to bring this girl into our chaos?”

The man sighs again as he hangs his head making Eddie feel a little guilty as he leans his head on his shoulder while reaching for his hand.

“I don’t know. There’s just something about her that makes me feel comfortable and safe.”

###########

“You came back.”

“Yeah, it took some convincing but…”, Steve grinned. “Hey Ren. May I?”, he asked before petting the lab when you nodded. 

“How are you feeling today, Eddie?”

The metalhead softly smiles at you as he tilts his head in your direction. When the meeting begins you can already feel that the energy is different. One of the regulars is extremely agitated today as his leg bounces and he folds his arms. As soon as Craig reaches him, he shouts his problem as he struggles to control the volume of his voice. Your eyes close as you try to stay present and remind yourself that your safe.

No, no, no. Please. I can’t have a panic attack here in front of all these people. Everyone will look at me. They’ll think I’m weak. No, no, no.

“Y/N?”, the coordinator calls your name and you fold into yourself. “Y/N, you’re ok. You’re safe.”

Ren places his front paws on your knees as he rests his head on your shoulder. You couldn’t do this, pushing him back as you stumbled out the door into the hallway before sinking to the floor.

Your service dog continued to do what it was trained to do as he ran after you and laid beside you in your arms. The sound of your bag and a bottle of water being placed beside you startled you but you couldn’t move to acknowledge it.

You felt your head being lifted and placed on something relatively soft as you continued to try and calm down. It took a few moments but once you felt like you could breathe you opened your teary eyes to see Eddie looking towards the window.

“Hey, hey, take your time.”, Steve soothed in a soft tone when you tried to sit up. “I grabbed your bag and some water. Do you need your meds or anything?”

“C-C-Can you help me?”, you asked as you reached your arms back to try and push yourself to a sitting position. He leaned over to help you adjust as you laid against the wall with your head on the metalhead’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

“I didn’t want you laying your head on the hard floor. I hope that was ok.”, Eddie tenderly grinned. 

You nodded, watching heavily as Ren dug his snout in your purse before producing your medicine and placing it on your lap. 

“Good boy. Steve, in there is his treats. Can you give him one?”

He smiled as he did what you asked and your dog wagged his tail happily. 

“Do you need help?”, Eddie whispered.

“I don’t want to be any trouble.”

Without saying a word, he grabbed the meds from you lap and opened the bottle, shaking one into his hand and popping it closed. He placed the pill near your mouth and your eyes met his as you slowly opened, allowing him to place it on your tongue before holding the edge of the water to your lips and tipping it back. 

“You’re not any trouble. I…we…appreciate you being as kind as you have been to us.”

As he extended his arm to place everything back in its proper place, his jacket sleeve slid up and you noticed some slight scaring around his wrist. When he felt your eyes on him, he followed your glance, quickly covering it up as he leaned back. 

“Thank you for coming out here. You didn’t have to. I struggle with aggressiveness like what Jeremy did in there.”

“Is that not normal for him?”

“Usually, no but I imagine this earthquake and the aftermath hasn’t helped him with his flashbacks.”

“How has it been for you?”, Steve asked.

“Um, not to chaotic. I had a harder time a few months prior when this town was going crazy and playing police officers like they were the law or something. Oh shit. Eddie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even—”

“No worries, sweetheart. I’m used to it now; the stares, gossip, and questions.”

“Should you be?”

His eyes met yours again before quickly looking away as the door to the group area opened and people filed out. The man who had been yelling came over to where you were sitting and apologized in a much more gentle tone then he had previously. After accepting it and smiling towards him, you slowly wobbled to your feet with Steve helping to guide you.

“Are you ok to drive? We can take you home if you’d like.”

“No, I’m alright. I just need to eat something and get a little energy back.”

“Would you like to have dinner with us?”, Eddie offered carefully.

“Sure.”

***

As the three of you entered the restaurant, your eyes darted around as your brain did its regular anxiety check. You made sure to clock where all the exits were and how to get to them, scanned the current patrons to make sure no one was someone who would hurt you, and marked which seat you would prefer to be in just in case you needed to run. 

When you glanced towards Steve, you blinked back surprise when you realized he was doing the same thing. 

“I have to leave, Harrington, but get it to go and we can eat in my van. If that’s ok with you.”

You nodded, panicking slightly as he walked back out the door, unsure of what he was hiding from. To avoid another episode, you did the same leaving the other man to order. When you made it outside you found Eddie in the driver’s seat smoking a cigarette, his eyes darting to you when you climbed into the passenger’s side. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I saw Jason’s parent’s eating at a table so…”

“I never thought you killed those kids.” As soon as the words blurted out, your eyes squeezed shut. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Finger reached out to touch your arm causing your eyes to open again, meeting his kind chocolate-colored ones. 

“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

When you apologize again, both of you let out a breathy, genuine laugh. 

“When I saw on the news what happened to Chrissy, I knew you couldn’t have done it. Yeah, you were always loud in school but you were also really sweet… at least from what I remember.”

You two jumped when Steve opened the back of the van and threw himself in. “Eddie, go.”

Without any hesitation, he started to put the vehicle in gear but he wasn’t fast enough as Jason’s father appeared by his window and aggressively knocked on the glass. 

“Where do you think you’re going, freak?! You’re the reason my son and his girlfriend are dead!”

“Go, Eddie!”, Steve commanded.

The metalhead slammed his foot on the gas and sped off with the man shouting behind him. The rest of the ride was silent until he parked near the hill that surveyed the town. You watched as he continued to grip the wheel like a lifeline as his chest rose and fell. You wanted to help but you didn’t know exactly how. They only thing you could think of was to grab his palm and place it on Ren’s head. The dog was used to limp pets as Eddie’s hand lazily fell down his back but he promptly rested his head on his lap as you praised him. 

Steve leaned over the seat and placed his arms around him as he whispered things in his ear furthest from you. After a few moments his hand began to move against Ren’s fur making the dog’s tail wag as the other boy released him from his hold. 

“Come on. Let’s eat.”

############

It was actually the perfect evening for eating outside. The van doors remained open as the three of you munched on your meals in the back. From this spot Hawkins looked different; less chaotic than it was.

While you guys ate you casually talked about yourself. They told you some general things about themselves and you did the same. Even though you felt safe with them you didn’t want to bombard them too much with the mess that was your life. You felt like they were holding back as well, omitting certain information they were afraid to tell.

“You can work from home, you know?”, you mentioned after Eddie brought up how hard it was to find a job because of who he was. “That’s what I do.”

“I could do that.”

“Wouldn’t that be hard for you, Ed? You’re very talkative and outgoing. Don’t you like thrive off of people or some shit.”

“Thrive off of people… No, Harrington. I’m not a vampire.” They grinned at each other when you giggled. “I mean it wouldn’t be much different. Everyone already thought I was a freak beforehand. Now I’m just a murdering freak.”

Everyone went silent as the metalhead turned away to glare outside. 

“You should stop saying things like that.”, you murmur. 

“It’s how they feel.”, he shrugs.

“Who cares how they feel. What matters is how you feel and the truth. You didn’t do it so stop saying it.” Eddie’s eyes jerked towards you as your tone got more agitated.

“Yeah, well, what would you know?”

“Eddie, stop it.”, Steve warned.

“It’s ok, Steve. I can handle this. I’m mentally ill not weak.”

“No one said you were weak, Y/N.”

“What makes you so confident I didn’t do it, hm? You weren’t there. Maybe I did.”

“Eddie…”

“No, Harrington. I’m curious. What makes her so confident? I have to know because besides my friends and my uncle you are the only person in this town who believes I didn’t do some satanic ritual to murder Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, and Jason. That I didn’t hurt Max to cause that fucking earthquake. Why?”

Steve angerly threw the water bottle he was drinking from hard against the inside of the van making you jump.

“Jesus Christ. Are you fucking kidding me, Ed?! We finally find one person who believes the truth and you have to fucking question it! Who gives a fuck why she believes you! Just embrace it.”

He crawls out of the vehicle and begins to pace as he lets off steam. Ren puts his head on your lap and you pet him as you watch Eddie climb out as well and hug the boy from behind, resting his cheek on his back. 

“I’m sorry if I startled you.”, Steve apologized without looking your way. 

“You didn’t. I…I feel safe with you, both of you. That’s why I believe you. I can’t explain it, Eddie. I wish I could. My therapist says that because of my trauma I had to learn how to read people so I could protect myself and prepare just in case. You two…I just don’t get this vibe that I need to be afraid of you.”

“Like a superpower?”, the metalhead grins softly as he comes to sit back beside you. 

“You could say that.”, you giggle and his heart melts. Abruptly, you lean over and wrap your arms around his shoulders, feeling his body stiffen only for a moment before fully accepting it. “You’re a good person Edward Munson.”

Steve watches you both as he stands in front of you, also taken aback when you turn your love towards him by hugging him to, circling your arms around his lower back.

“You to, Steve Harrington.”

****

The following week you were happy to see they attended group again and seemed so much lighter than they had the other times they had come. As the meeting started, once again you felt that shift in energy. 

“Y/N, I know you don’t talk much here and that’s absolutely fine. I was hoping maybe we could talk about what happened last week.”

“Oh, um, I don’t want to make Jeremy feel bad.”

“I’m ok. I want you to talk about it. It helps me understand…”

You gnaw on your bottom lip at his answer as Craig looks at you with earnest eyes. “I, um, he got aggressive and I panicked.”

“He did get verbally confrontational. Was it the yelling or what he was saying that triggered you?”

“The…yelling doesn’t…doesn’t really bother me or what is said. It…how it was being said.”

“Huh. Interesting. Please, go on.”

“My mom…was always kind of…forceful with her words…”

You don’t see it but both the boy’s protective modes had kicked in beside you especially Steve’s. It takes all his energy not to comfort you in some way. Yesterday, you had hugged him and Eddie but you three had been alone. Right now, you were in room full of people and he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. He settled for casually extending his legs a bit so his knee was just barely touching your own. 

“I don’t want to talk anymore if that’s ok.”

“That’s fine, Y/N. How about you Steve? I noticed you and Eddie got up pretty quickly to make sure she was okay. I’m sure she appreciates that. Are you usually the protector of your friend group?”

He smirks slightly. “They would probably say I’m more like the babysitter.”

“That’s funny.”, the coordinator laughs. “I have seen you around town with some of the younger kids like Dustin Henderson and Mike Wheeler. You and Mr. Munson there.”

“How’s Max Mayfield doing?” Both their heads shot up to look towards the member that asked the question. “Is she doing any better? I heard her mom is wreck.”

“Jackie, you know the rules. We don’t gossip in here.”, Craig scolds. 

“I’m not gossiping! Max was dating that Sinclair boy, right? Who hangs out with Michael and Dustin who apparently hang out with them so…I just want to know.”

Ren, who had been laying on the floor by your feet, suddenly sat up and waddled between Steve’s legs before lifting himself up so his head was on the man’s shoulder.

“Hug him.”, you whisper as you reach out to rub the boy’s back.

Slowly, he wraps his arms around him and pets the dog’s head. “Good boy.”

“Let’s, uh, Let’s move on to someone else.”

As the coordinator began talking to another person, Steve got up to leave as you and Eddie followed behind. Unlike you, instead of sitting in the hall, he continued to the parking lot towards his BMW. 

“Steve, wait. Wait a second!”, the metalhead called to him trying to keep up.

“I’m fine. Let’s just go home.”

“If you’re fine then why are we leaving?”

“Because I know they are going to ask about her again and I don’t want to hear it so…”, he aggressively gestures towards the car. 

“Isn’t that the point of this therapy group bullshit? To talk or whatever the fuck you said. This was your idea. You can’t just drag us here and then leave when it gets hard.”

“Ok, well, you know what? You were right, okay? We can’t talk about what happened so—”

“But they aren’t asking what happened. They are asking how she is. They already think they know what happened.”

“Fine! Fine, Eddie! Let’s go back in there and answer her question! ‘Oh yeah, Jackie, Max is fine. Just all of her limbs are broken and she’s in a fucking coma but hey the doctors say she’s not brain dead! Always a silver lining!’”

“Steve…what happened to her wasn’t your fault.”

“Fuck this. I’ll walk home.”

The metalhead ran in front of him, trying to block him with his body. “What happened to her, me, Dustin, and Lucas wasn’t your fault. You killed him. You, Nancy, and Robin saved us all but you’re not fucking superman, babe. You can’t be everywhere at once and can’t protect everyone.”

Steve’s head hung and they clung to each other as Eddie embraced him. When they disconnected, they were almost startled by your presence, forgetting you were there entirely. 

“Hey, um, before my brain glitches, I drew you something last night.” Eddie digs in his pocket and hands you a folded piece of paper. 

When you open it fully, you softly smile at the image of you in boots and a superhero style outfit with your palm in the air as a zig-zag force field surrounded you. Next to you was Ren with his tongue hanging out and mask over his eyes. At the top was bold 3D lettering that read “LADY EMPATHY” with smaller print underneath; “Senses Emotions and helps heal the innocent with her trustee four-legged side kick Anti-Depressant.”

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry but you loved it. No one had ever done something nice like this for you except that one time someone slide a drawing into your locker.

Your eyes met his as a light bulb went off in your head. 

“Do you two want to come over to my house? We can hang out and eat some food. I would like to show you something.”

Eddie glanced at Steve who nodded his approval. 

“Ok. Sounds like fun.”

****

“Wow, this place is really nice.”, Steve muses as he looks around. 

“Thank you. I don’t have much but I don’t need too much so…”, you shrug as you watch them move around. 

“You seem to like a lot of movies, huh?” Eddie walks around looking at your posters hanging on the wall. 

“I do especially the fantasy ones. It’s nice to hide from reality in movies like The Never Ending Story or Dragon Slayer. I can’t wait for Labyrinth to come out. You know that new Bowie movie?”

The metalhead chuckles when Steve shrugs. “He doesn’t know who that is, sweetheart. Steve isn’t exactly well versed in most media.”

Your eyes widen as you head towards your sound system and push in a cassette. “Let’s Dance” flows through the speakers and he bobs his head he listens. “Pretty cool.”

Eddie laughs harder when you playfully sigh as his musical ignorance. “Yeah. Welcome to my world. What did you want to show us?”

After disappearing into your room, you come back with a frame in your arms, the image facing your body. 

“When I was in high school, I was pretty good at being invisible but sometimes I wasn’t so lucky. The jocks would pick on me a lot and pretty girls like Tammy Thompson would make my life hell.” Steve sighed praying that he wasn’t one of the people who hurt you. “That was nothing compared to what I was dealing with at home. My parents…they, um, they weren’t nice with each other and sometimes…my mother would take that out on me.”

“I always loved English class because I could write about what I was feeling. One day a teacher had asked me to read something I wrote in front of everyone. I told him no but he insisted and as I stood there, I could hear people snickering. It was awful; I hate talking in front of people. But anyway, a few days later, I found this in my locker.”

You turned the frame around to display the image Eddie had drawn for you as you slowly moved toward him. 

“You have no idea what this did for me. In a world full of people where I felt like no one cared, this showed me someone was listening. Someone out there did care…at least enough to take the time to draw this and give it to me.”

Eddie’s eyes met yours as he spoke. “I related to it, your story about the monsters and the kid hiding. My father used to scream at my mother until it escalated. I would always hide in my room hoping I wasn’t next.” Steve came over to stand next to him and rub his back comfortingly. “Turns out I can’t fight any monsters, can I, Stevie?”

The boy growled under his breath as his hand fell. 

“You were always amazing to me. You seemed so smart and strong; I was so afraid to talk to you. I couldn’t stop thinking about your story so I drew that and slid it into your locker.”

“So…my superpower works? I was right about you. You are a good person.” You smile when he smirks in your direction. “You guys can talk to me…about anything. I won’t judge you or hurt you or anything. I trust you and I hope that you can trust me.”

They glance at each other and you see the hesitation in their look. They a definitely holding something back but you pray that one day they’ll feel comfortable enough to let you in. Little did you know, the massive secrets they could tell.

[psycheofaphaggot]

we’re opening the floodgates people because the only thing i think about ever, and what i WILL shout from the top of every rooftop i come across

DINA IS THE PERFECT WOMAN.

i don’t care. i don’t care what anyone else says. i don’t care if your opinion is different because you’re wrong.

she’s witty, she smart, she’s incredibly fucking kind, patient, and yet so strong willed and never not willing to speak her thoughts even when she’s unbelievably scared. she’s so perfect it hurts honestly.

one of the things that breaks me the most about dina and ellie’s dynamic throughout the entirety of part 2 is dina’s part in it all. her, irrevocably in love with one of her closest friends, JUST after finally confessing to one another officially is suddenly thrust into a WAR where she can only be a bystander. ignoring the whole pregnancy thing, just that is fucking insane.

and she handles it with the utmost care and patience. moreso than honestly anyone around her deserved (not that these characters didn’t deserve kindness).

i could go in depth about how much i believe ellie williams is one of the best representations of PTSD in modern media today but as much as seeing that breaks me, watching dina deal alongside her is infinitely worse. ellie is a character who has just lost her entire world basically, only a few years after seemingly losing her purpose for being alive at all. with no closure. she’s sad, she’s angry, she’s broken, she feels essentially unloveable.

and dina treats her with the gentleness of a morning breeze. you know the thing thats like “character who feels unloveable and the other character who loves them like its breathing”? yeah.

dina is patient, kind, stable. she is exactly the thing that ellie needs. she never blames ellie for her outbursts, she never insinuates that ellie should get over her emotions faster, and even better she doesn’t even treat ellie like glass that could shatter at any moment. she just loves her. in the easiest way one could possibly be loved.

and its hard. it’s difficult and they both go through an unbelievable amount of trauma together and yet they still come out on top. they’re still able to build the semblance of a life together in the ashes of what they’ve lost.

as someone who identifies a lot of myself in ellie. everything about their love and how they love each other does nothing but break me apart. its so full of hope yet so layered in nothing but destruction. it really is the worst kind of despair. especially because of their end. all of that work and just the existence of trauma is what throws it back in her face.

i am not the most eloquent person. im sure my thoughts are jumbled and insane and hard to understand when i write them out like this. but there are so many aspects of this games that are so fucking admirable. naughty dog found a way to tell a tragic story full of people. not good people, not bad people. just humans, and the world would devolve into when pushed to the absolute edge. and even before that. it is a story of the human race at its most raw.

and its heartbreaking. its enjoyable, its sadistic, its humorous and it’s absolutely gut wrenching. its beautiful.

this series will probably never not be my favorite game ever. i will scream about it and look like a crazy person, and i will keep finding more and more things to love about it.

but this is a ramble when its really supposed to be a dina appreciation post. i love her. everyone should love her. she’s such an amazing person and i think about her constantly. i hope that wherever she ended up, her and JJ live the happiest and most fulfilling life they can.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

In The Soup

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Superfam

Summary: Jason Lives AU where he and Superboy become friends, despite Bruce's disapproval of Superboy. (ft. Jason's service dog, Gromit)

Chapters: 6/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Conner Kent, Roxy Leech, Rex Leech

Relationships: TBA

Additional Tag: Jason Todd Lives, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd Has PTSD, Conner Kent is Superboy, Good Friend Jason Todd, Protective Jason Todd, Overprotective Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Disabled Characters, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Get Along, Good Parent Bruce Wayne, Developing Friendships, Sneaking Around, Disguise, Fluff and Humor, Secret Messages, Hiding in Plain Sight

Chapter Six: Market Stepmommy

Conner waited for Barbara to let him past the security system, and he followed her directions to the kitchen, where Jason scrambled to make their sandwiches. “Hey, Jason?” Conner asked. Jason froze in place, staring up at Conner. “How hard did you fall?”

“Oh, not hard. I have nerve damage. Like today isn’t a bad pain day, but it’s a numbness day,” Jason explained, “It’s funny how a few hits to the head can do a lot to your body in the long run.”

“Sports?” Conner asked.

“Not exactly,” Jason replied as he finished making breakfast. “Gromit, here, buddy. Thanks for the pick me up this morning.” He fed Gromit two slices of bacon and washed his hands. Gromit brushed his face against Jason’s ankle. “I love you too, Gromit.”

“Food smells great,” Conner replied as Jason gave him his plate.

“Thanks… Barbara! Food’s done!” Jason hollered.

“Why are you yelling? Just use the intercom,” Barbara complained as she entered the room. “Hi, Baby Boy, watch out,” Barbara whispered as Gromit walked past her, proudly chewing his treat.

“Oh, Barbara. Conner thought you were my stepmom,” Jason chuckled.

“I would never date Bruce, though… That’d be gross, but I might start telling women at the grocery store that you’re my son. Do you think that works the same way it does for cute babies in sitcoms? How about it, Jason? Do you wanna help me find you a new stepmommy?” Barbara joked.

"I thought you were talking to that computer guy?" Jason asked.

"I can't have a backup plan? Besides, what if you don't like your future stepdad—?"

"Eww, okay. This joke is getting gross. Conner, she isn't my stepmom, she's a friend of the family. We wouldn't know what to do without her. Hey, Barbara, could you get Conner into school with me?" Jason asked as he took three pill bottles from Gromit's backpack. Conner watched as Jason washed his pills down with half a bottle of water.

"Mhm, I'll have him enrolled by Sunday night," Barbara answered.

Conner looked up from his sandwich. "Whoa, you guys were serious? That's—. Wow. Thank you," Conner smiled.

"It was easy. Don't worry about it. Do me a favor and make sure these two get outdoors,” Barbara requested, “And we’ll call it even.” Conner chuckled and nodded.

“Jason, where do you like to hang out?” Conner asked.

“I haven’t been to the museum in a while,” Jason replied, “Oh, and there’s this place called The Sewer, and they play live music sometimes. But it’s only cool at nighttime…” Jason looked at Barbara with wide eyes.

“I’ll watch Gromit while you hit the teen club tonight, but only because he’s great at keeping me company. How about it, Gromit? Do you want to work with Auntie Barbara tonight?” Barbara asked as she scratched under Gromit’s chin.

“Nothing too dangerous,” Jason warned her. Barbara nodded. “Does anybody want another sandwich? I’ve got a bunch of leftover bacon.”

“Please,” Barbara replied. Conner nodded along with her.

After breakfast, Jason let Conner go to his room with him while he got ready to go out. “Thanks for coming over. Are you gonna spend the night after The Sewer or—? Sorry, I haven’t been out and about a whole lot, so I’m excited to have somebody to hang out with—.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. I don’t have anyone normal like you to hang out with, so it’s nice to be able to chill with you,” Conner smiled. Jason threw on one of Bruce’s old beat-up flannels and pulled on his pants. Conner laid back and stretched out on Jason’s bed. “What’s it like living with Bruce Wayne? Is he like your dad or something?”

“Yeah, he is my dad. I love him a lot, but he’s got this weird vendetta against you because he thinks you’re gonna hurt Superman or something,” Jason confessed, “Which is why he can never know you’re Superboy. He’d flip his lid if he knew we were friends.”

Conner turned on his side and grinned at Jason. “So, we’re friends?” Conner asked.

Jason’s cheeks went rosy. “Shut up,” Jason giggled without meaning to. “We can do whatever you want between the museum and The Sewer tonight.”

“What is The Sewer exactly?” Conner questioned.

“It’s a nightclub for teens. After eight, it’s sixteen and up,” Jason replied, “I snuck in once when I was eleven… But I haven’t been able to get in since.”

Conner chuckled. “I’m sorry. I’m not—. Well, I kind of—. I imagined a tinier you in a nightclub moshing with teenagers,” Conner laughed. Jason snickered, and it built into a full-body laugh that left him doubled over.

“Oh, it was terrible,” Jason laughed, “I got tossed around like a ragdoll.” Conner and Jason laughed until tears rolled down their cheeks.

“I would’ve given anything to be a real kid,” Conner mumbled. Jason stopped laughing.

“You are a real kid,” Jason replied. Conner smiled and shook his head.

“I’m a science project being passed off as a kid,” Conner replied, “You don’t have to be nice about it. I know what I am—.”

“Clone or no clone, you’re a regular sixteen-year-old kid to me—. No, you’re better than most sixteen-year-old kids. You’re empathetic. You’re not judgmental. You’re funny. You’re friendly—. I mean—. I’m glad you were made in a lab because that’s what it took for me to get a friend like you,” Jason stated. Conner smiled.

“Thanks, Jason,” Conner whispered, “Hey, do you like fast cars?”

“Do ducks fly south for the winter?” Jason replied. Conner laughed.

“How ‘bout I take you flying on the way home tonight?” Conner suggested.

"Yeah, I'd love it, but my chair—."

"I can carry the chair too. Just fold it up. What do you say?" Conner asked. Jason nodded, his mouth open at the thought of flying. "It'll be fun. I promise."

Barbara knocked on the door. "No curfew tonight. It’s Saturday, and I think the chances of you two getting arrested are slim to none,” Barbara whispered.

Jason’s phone rang. “Oh! Hold on, it’s my dad. Mind if I take this?” Jason asked. Conner shook his head. “Hi, Bruce. Everything okay from abroad?”

“Mhm… I miss you,” Bruce whispered, “I don’t think I’ll be home this week, though… Jason, are you alright with Barbara until I get home?”

“Mhm… Are you gonna—? When are you and Alfred coming home? Do you have any idea?” Jason asked. A loud wind blew on Bruce’s end.

“It’ll be at least a week… Hopefully no more than a month, Jason—.”

“Is it dangerous?” Jason asked. Conner heard Jason’s pulse pick up speed.

“No more than the usual… I love you, Jason,” Bruce whispered.

“I love you too… Bruce? Um… If you’re in trouble—. Can you have Alfred write me or call me if something happens?” Jason asked.

“Uh-huh… Jason, are you alright?” Bruce questioned.

“Yeah… I just—. I’m hanging out with my friend tonight, so I might not answer my phone,” Jason replied.

“Okay… Be good, and feel free to call me if you need something,” Bruce whispered, “I gotta go.”

“Bye, D—. Bye, Bruce,” Jason whispered. He hung up and dropped his phone in his lap. “Okay. Ready to go?” Jason smiled, but there was no hiding his discomfort.

[courtana]

💯,🔺, 🐶, ❤️, 🖤

For Beatrice and Mónica 🙈

Biggie, thanks for these!! 😭 I had a lot to think about with these questions! 💖

FOR MÓNICA (COD BOCW)

💯 — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know. 1) Originally not from Managua but rather from the Caribbean coast of Nicaragua, Mónica was mostly unfamiliar with the Menéndez Cartel. Her father always warned he to stay away from them, however. 2) She struggles sleeping at night. Others in her team think it must be from war trauma akin to PTSD but it's because she drinks too much coffee in the evening after dinner. 3) Started at first as an informant and as a non-combatant, meeting Adler's team in Managua during a coordinated information exchange. Later transitioned to working with them more frequently. 🔺 — does your oc know how to use any weapons? Yes! She was trained during in the 1960s/1970s in Central America, specifically Nicaragua. Yet, her training there, rooted in guerrilla strategies & tactics, made it rough for her to transition to more covert work later on in life. 🐶 — does your oc have any pets? She used to have a cat as a child, but now that she moves around and travels a lot as part of her work with the CIA (skjhkdfgh), she does not. she'd like to have a cat again some day if she settles down. ❤️ — what are three of your oc's positive traits? 1) She's very thick-skinned and can be pretty laid back. Even in moments of panic and in a firefight, others feel calm and composed around her. 2) She's gifted in reading other people's emotions pretty well. 3) When working with Adler's team, she'll pick up pastries for them in the morning as a treat for them. 🖤 — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust? During her time within communist guerrilla circles, she killed and wounded military soldiers aligned with the anti-communist dictatorship 😭 BUT she has broken other people's trusts when after her father was killed by communist guerrilla combatants due to factional disputes (it happens lol), and she turned their back on them and decided to work with Americans dfkjhgkdfhjg (so dramatic).

FOR BEATRICE (HALO)

💯 — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know. 1) Was considered by the UNSC for further ODST training, with her cousins having served as ODSTs, but due to injuries she sustained from a Brute, this idea was shelved. 2) Can be hard on herself but hides it pretty well from her friends. Whenever she works with anyone from Blue Team, it's harder to hide it from them. 3) Has sticky fingers, and will steal bread rolls at times to save for later from the galley. 🔺 — does your oc know how to use any weapons? YES! She's a UNSC Marine so she's trained pretty well in combat, including guns and melee weapons! But she's not invincible, she's not like a Spartan or anything lol 🐶 — does your oc have any pets? I had to do some research for this and in Halo (apparently?) dogs were used by the UNSC during The Insurrection, but they're not helpful at all against the Covenant lol. I cannot see her—or honestly anyone in this universe—owning a pet :'( so sad. Apparently Master Chief had a fucking dog as a child in the the Halo TV show?? Weird af. ❤️ — what are three of your oc's positive traits? 1) She demonstrates whole-hearted dedication to her fireteam, regardless of the mission. 2) Was recruited originally as part of infantry but is gifted in cryptography and is good at solving puzzles. 3) Is a bookworm! Likes to read, but very rarely has the chance to. Her parents will gift her old graphic novels that they find and send it to her in the mail. 🖤 — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust? She's only killed Covenant forces, but not humans. She has not outright broken anyone's trust or heart. She tends to maintain her trust and reciprocal loyalty with her brothers and sisters in arms.

💌 ASK ME DETAILS ABOUT MY OCS!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW ..dysfunctional family relations? not sure how else to describe it lol

I guess I'm looking for reassurance? someone to listen? answers? im not exactly sure

so i have PTSD from. a lot of different things so i know what flashbacks are and i know what triggers are. i recognize them ok? but i don't understand why i keep getting triggered by my brother. for clarity, we don't talk: we live in the same house but he's very transphobic and an asshole, so i stopped speaking to him. but he's still around all the time.

and it triggers me! even when he's not saying transphobic things, hearing his voice triggers me sometimes. i don't understand why, like, it's not even like that's targeted towards ME, he's just generally a bigoted ass. but what's really bothering me is that there was a thing that happened:

he was being really mean to my little sibling. and he does shit like that sometimes, he targets me, or one of my little siblings and he generally treats them like shit. and i knew if i spoke up in the midst of it, he'd be mad. but i did anyone. and he was. really mean so i told my mom. she said she'd speak to him about it.

anyways, long story short, there was a family emergency and my mom left. my sibling was distraught over the emergency and my brother decided that was a great evening to totally tear into her. i mean-telling her HORRIBLE shit. she just wanted one of our dogs to sit with her but he started yelling at her about how she always wanted everything, how she was such a pest and all this shit and i couldn't BREATHE. he'd done shit like that to me before but never this bad with my little sibling.

so i did the first thing i knew would snap him out of it so i could get my sibling away: i told him to fuck the hell off. which of course shocked everyone but then i could get my sibling away. i was so fucking scared-my dad was home, my older sisters too and none of them did ANYTHING. they could hear him yelling but just ignored it. he was so mad, he started saying all this shit about me and i left the room but then ii had a panic attack for like, literal HOURS, i couldn't sleep because i couldn't BREATHE and he kept talking really loudly near my room so i could hear how mad he was and then, to top it all off, i got in trouble for using a curseword and he didn't even get told off.

but i keep getting flashbacks to it. even though he wasn't even targeting me in the first place and yknow its over now and its done and like, ok he's an ass but that's how siblings ARE sometimes right? i mean. i'd never do that obviously bc that's horrible!! he's like 26 and my sibling is 12. i wouldn't do it even without the age gap in mind but fdshajklfhdajkl i'm just trying to ask 1. why tf am i getting flashbacks and 2. am i just? being crazy over this??? is this just some totally normal thing i just. dont understand or is this something actually fucked up that my parents just dont give a fuck over? tnx

(-luci)

Hi luci,

I'm so sorry you went through this.

Please know that what happened is not okay. It sounds like your family normalizes and enables his behavior.

You even said yourself that you would never do these things because it would be a horrible thing to do. So it sounds like on some level you know that this isn't just "how siblings are sometimes". While you're definitely not alone, it doesn't mean that it's okay for your brother to behave this way. Accountability is still necessary to encourage growth, and this sounds like something your parents may not see.

The way you responded to the situation does not sound disproportionate to the situation, despite how your parents made it seem. The fact that your family simply ignored him implies that this may be a pattern for your brother and your family has developed a learned helplessness. I say this primarily because, even if reacting may exacerbate his anger, it seems more natural to react than ignoring it.

It makes sense if this was a traumatizing experience for you. It can be scary to be in a situation like that. You're not being crazy over this. This is something your parents aren't taking seriously enough.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[trammellesstangent]

It’s also worth mentioning Harm OCD. I find this type gets talked about even less because of fear of judgement.

Harm OCD is when you’re afraid you might hurt someone. This can appear in horrible intrusive thoughts- images or ideas your mind makes that are not something you’d ever want to bring to reality. Then you do compulsions that discourage these thoughts, make violent behaviour impossible, check that you haven’t already done something.

I’ve had thoughts about stabbing my classmates in the eye with a pencil, about pushing people in front of trains, and also a lot about more heinous things. I of course was horrified by this and took measures to make sure I couldn’t do any of these things. I avoided any sharp or thin objects (and you kind of need to use a pencil when you’re an art student), stopped patting dogs, I stood well back from the platform at the station, etc. I would spend hours reloading news sites to see if an article came up about a gruesome murder/rape/torture.

I couldn’t be near friends or family (or anyone, really) without being overwhelmed by the idea that I might go insane and hurt them. As could be expected, my depression got really bad at this time. I had false memories, and very nearly turned myself into the police for imagined crimes that hadn’t been committed at all.

I tried to train myself out of having these thoughts by hurting myself when I thought of something bad (which was all the time). Eventually I became convinced that the only way to keep the people I love safe from myself, lest I do anything to hurt them, was to die. I tried. So. Many. Times. The one attempt where I came closest still follows me in my dreams. This time was so painful it literally gave me PTSD.

All this time I hid as much as I could because I was afraid what people would think, and I was afraid they’d be right. I didn’t want to cause a scene.

I don’t know how I got out of that, and I live in fear of it happening again. It was my own personalised torture. Absolute hell. Still waters running poisoned. Even now, typing this, I can feel my heart racing and my hands are shaking so I can barely type. But this is important to me.

If you have bad or violent thoughts that upset you, it may be OCD. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. And it can be treated. So seek help if something like this is bothering you (and it does not have to be to nearly the extent it affected me at my worst). And if you have a friend or family member who you think might fit (though it is hard to tell because this is the kind of thing a person will desperately try to hide, there’s a horrible sense of shame and guilt), talk to them.

If you relate to this, if you think you might have have OCD with a focus on harm, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, and YOU DESERVE TREATMENT.

I don’t usually ask people to share my stuff, but if you see this, please do. It’s an important message about a common and devastating illness.

Greetings bugs and worms!

This comic is a little different than what I usually do but I worked real hard on it—Maybe I'll make more infographic stuff in the future this ended up being fun. Hope you learned something new :)

If you are still curious and want to learn more about OCD, you can visit the International OCD Foundation's website. I also recommend this amazing TED ED video "Starving The Monster", which was my first introduction to the disorder and this video by John Green about his own experience with OCD.

The IOCDF's website can also help you find support groups, therapy, and has lots of online guides and resources as well if you or a loved one is struggling with the disorder. It is very comprehensive!

Reblog to teach your followers about OCD

(But also not reblogging doesn't make you evil, silly goose)

[dilfdoctordoom]

On Tom Taylor, the Current Nightwing Run & Ableism

I did mention I was gonna do a post about it, so here we are. There are some things I want to make clear before we begin: the issue exploded on Twitter on the very first day of disabled Pride month; disabled people have been discussing the ableism in Taylor’s Nightwing run since it began; nobody has blamed Taylor for what happened to Barbara in 2011. We are, however, blaming him for the way she is written in his series during 2021. 

I am also going to be discussing the ableism in the fandom in this post. The reactions I have seen, from here to Twitter to TikTok, are showing not only a great misunderstanding of the situation, but a purposeful misunderstanding. The very real reasons disabled people are angry right now have been twisted to make us seem ridiculous and overly sensitive and I cannot help but feel that is very intentional.

Another quick addition: disabled people are not a monolith. Barbara Gordon spent over 20 years as a paralyzed wheelchair user. Stating (and I would like to note, never truly showing) that she is a part time cane user now is still erasing her disability. These things are not interchangeable.

So, with that out of the way, let’s begin.

Tom Taylor’s run is ableist. That is a fact of this situation. He made the active choice to include a version of Barbara Gordon that is ableist caricature. Story wise, the role that Barbara plays could have easily been filled by anyone else. There is no real season, within the narrative and outside of it, for Taylor to include this version of Barbara Gordon, who has received a decade of criticism from disabled people. It’s very well known that this iteration is problematic, to put it kindly, and Taylor is aware of that. 

He made the active decision to include her, anyway, showing, at the very least, that he is passively, if not actively, ableist. Passive ableism is still ableism and disabled people are allowed to take issue with that.

That alone is reason enough for disabled people to be angry. But that’s not why things exploded on Twitter.

On July 1st, the very first day of disabled pride month, the new design for Barbara was dropped. After months of teasing Barbara’s return to a wheelchair using Oracle (see: Last Days of The DC Universe, Batgirl (2016), etc), they debuted... a new Batgirl costume that the artist has openly said draws inspiration from the Burnside suit.

There’s a lot of issues to unpack here, so let’s start small: the issue with consciously calling back to Burnside. The Burnside era of Batgirl stories was... beyond awful. The villain of the series’ first arc, was an AI based on Barbara’s brain patterns when she was disabled. It was evil because of all the rage and pain Barbara felt. The actual Barbara, on the other hand, was good -- because she was able bodied. Because her PTSD had been tossed aside. It was a horrifically ableist era that drove the idea that Barbara’s life was terrible when she was disabled; that it was some horrible, twisted secret.

Comics have kept that narrative going. Barbara is seen hiding books on chronic pain; she reacts aggressively to the mere idea that she could be in a wheelchair again, acting like it would be weakness. Whereas Barbara had once been Oracle not because of, but in spite of, her disability, who was fantastic representation for the disabled community, she now acts like it is the most shameful thing in her life.

To call back to Burnside is to call back to that ableism and make no critique of it. If anything, it’s to embrace the ideas of that era.

There is also the design itself to consider. Many people have pointed out the inclusion of a back brace, as if that saves it from ableism -- it does not. Any person who has ever worn a back brace can take one look at this design and know that they did not consult a disabled person. Hell, by how impractical that thing is, I doubt they even Googled a picture of a back brace.

It’s a superficial acknowledgement that Barbara is supposed to be disabled. Something that was apparently thrown in to appease the numerous complaints of Barbara being able bodied; something that no one working on it put any effort into.

When it comes to aids, this is not a new thing for Barbara in Infinite Frontier. She’s said to be using a cane occasionally, that we got a better look at in Batman: Urban Legends, and as any cane user can tell you... that is not a cane that could feasibly be used. It’s another pathetic attempt to acknowledge that Barbara is supposed to be disabled, without actually doing anything of importance.

[IMAGE ID:  A segmented cane with a tri-pointed handle with a wrist strap. There is a stripe across the sections to connection them, labelled “solar battery charger buttons”. The text reads: “telescoping antenna doubles as cane or weapon if needed”. END ID]

Dropping this design (which we have now established to be problematic) on the very first day of disabled pride month is a sickening move. The very first day, and DC has doubled down on their disability erasure, thrown in superficial things like a back brace to act like it’s fine.

Tom Taylor is definitely involved in this, whether you like it not. No, he is not in anyway responsible for the events of the New 52 and what they did to Barbara Gordon, but that does not absolve him of blame for what is currently being done to her in his run.

When the design dropped, it started trending due to disabled fans reactions. To be clear: we were directly calling out the ableism in this design. This was Tom Taylor’s response:

[IMAGE ID: A tweet from TomTaylorMade that says: “Hey, @Bruna_Redono_F I think our new Batgirl suit is getting some attention.” He then adds a winky face emoji and tags @jesswchen and @drinkpinkkink. Attached are a screenshot showing that Batgirl is trending in the United States and a picture of the design itself. END ID]

This is him, bragging about how the disabled community reacted. Perhaps before this tweet, you could’ve made an argument that he was not ableist, but after he flaunted the fact that disabled people were rightly furious over this, like it was something to be proud of? No. If you are defending him, you are a part of the problem.

Taylor has included ableist writing in his Nightwing run, beyond the inherent ableism that comes with the current iteration of Barbara Gordon (whose inclusion, yet again, is his decision).

[IMAGE ID: A panel from Nightwing #79. Barbara and Dick are standing in his apartment. Barbara is saying: “I have some pretty new technology holding my spine together. I’m happy to do most things -- eat pizza in the park, take down low-level thugs -- but leaping from rooftops seems... unwise.” END ID]

What Barbara says in the panel above has bothered a lot of disabled people. The implication that she couldn’t “eat pizza in the park’ and “take down low-level thugs” without a spinal implant that conveniently erases her disability is... fucked up, to put it mildly. Those are both things that Barbara has done in a wheelchair. The first one is something wheelchair users can do and the implication that it’s not is beyond offensive.

But, let’s leave Barbara behind for a moment. I have previously mentioned that disabled people have been discussing the ableism present in this run long before July -- and that ableism is not only centred on Barbara. Dick is also a player in all this.

Dick Grayson was shot in the head. I don’t believe I need to retread the story, but just in case: Dick was shot in the head by KGBeast, developed amnesia from the event, and went by Ric Grayson for a long enough period in comics. If you have been active within the DC fandom for the past year or so, you know all about this controversial storyline and its fallout.

The Ric Grayson arc concluded itself the issue before Taylor became the writer for the series and ever since his tenure has begun, Taylor has completely ignored the reality of Dick being a disabled man. We understand this is comics, that things do not function the way they do in our world, but still -- it is clear that this gunshot wound to the head has affected Dick massively. We had an entire arc dedicated to how he struggled to find himself in the aftermath.

Taylor is choosing to write Dick as an able-bodied man, despite his canonical injuries and how they would impact his life.

This man is choosing to give empty gestures towards Barbara being a disabled woman (as discussed above, the completely dysfunctional back brace, etc) whilst writing her as able-bodied as possible. He writes both Dick and Barbara as able bodied as humanly possible. That is ableist. He is ableist. This is the same man that said he made a dog disabled ‘in honour of Barbara’. I do not think I need to elaborate on why that is bad.

The least he could’ve done, was get a sensitivity reader. We know that Taylor is not beyond getting people from marginalized communities to consult on his work (see: Suicide Squad), so why, when writing two characters that should be disabled, one that the disabled community have been criticising for a decade, does he not reach out to a single disabled person? A mere Google search could’ve improved the situation massively. In both the new design and the current writing, it is beyond clear that this is not just an able-bodied person writing it -- it’s an ableist person.

He could have listened to the numerous disabled fans that spoke out. Instead, he chose not only to refuse to do that, but to describe justifiable anger as ‘raging’. He treated us like we were crazy for daring to speak out about blatant ableism being parading around of us in our pride month.

Tom Taylor has failed to do the bare minimum and in doing so, he is, at very, very least, guilty of complicity. Again: passive ableism is still ableism.

The argument at hand is not just about Barbara Gordon and the continuing ableism that shines out from her current writing. The argument is about the treatment of disabled characters in his run. It has also become about the way he treats physically disabled people.

We also can’t have this conversation without acknowledging the fandom’s role in it all. I waited a day to write this up, to allow all the reactions to flood in... and I am sickened.

We have everything across the board. Able-bodied people that have actually listened to disabled people, who have supported us (which is deeply appreciated). Able-bodied people who may have had good intentions, but a skewed sense of the situation and perpetuating some of the more insidious lies being spread around (IE. that this is only about the new costume).

There are, obviously, the ableist reactions, though, that we will be discussing here. People deeming the current issues as ‘crazy’, calling disabled people ‘overly sensitive’ and ‘delusional’. Many people have completely glossed over the examples given for why Taylor, specifically, is ableist, and instead have resorted to telling disabled people that we are wrong and should be mad at DC instead.

It’s important to note that Tom Taylor is an adult man. He doesn’t need a fandom to attack disabled people for daring to call him out. He is not the victim in this situation; he has, for quite a few disabled people, been the aggressor.

I have seen claims that Infinite Frontier is a ‘slow burn’, implying that disabled people need to patient... as if we have not waited a decade for less ableist writing. There is a complete refusal from able-bodied fans to actually listen to what disabled people are saying. They would much rather rush to the defence of the (honestly rather mediocre) current Nightwing run. 

Disabled fans know that comic book spaces are ableist. We know that both DC and Marvel and many of their writers are ableist. We are still allowed to be pissed as hell about it and acting like the current reaction being had right now is disabled people being ‘overdramatic’ is yet another example of how the able-bodied side of the fandom both refuses to listen to and undermine disabled people when we call out ableism.

We know it when we see it. We always do and we always will and we will always be able to recognize it far faster than an able-bodied person. If this many disabled fans are coming out and talking about an issue, calling it ableism, then it’s time for you shut up and listen.

Stop being a part of the problem and start supporting disabled fans for once.

[3liza]

the thing that makes the trauma that civilian women (and some men) experience at home and in their personal relationships (usually with men but not exclusively) so much more insidious than war trauma, even though the stakes of the experiences differ in severity generally, with watching and risking violent death and experiencing the conditions of war being, materially, louder and bloodier and from some perspectives "worse" than domestic violence or menacing or stalking or, again from some perspectives, SA, is that domestic violence and SA is committed by normal people, a class of people, you will never be able to get away from for the rest of your life.

PTSD treatment is currently focused on convincing or teaching the patient that they are home now, and there are no more missiles, no more IEDs, no more enemy combatants, no more guns and snipers and terror. and this works well for war veterans because it's true. they are home. it would be very unusual for those same conditions to ever occur to them again. the Viet Cong are not sneaking up the stairs of your apartment. there are no suicide bombers approaching you in the bank, your neighbor's friend's truck parked on your street does not have an IED in it. this worked very well for my Vietnam veteran father, he is so so so much better now, after lots of VA therapy, than he was when I was a kid and learning my first PTSD symptoms from him, not because of abuse but because of the syndrome of Secondary PTSD, which is when friends and family of ptsd patients pick up trauma symptoms from the patient and adjust their behavior to avoid triggering the sensitive ptsd sufferer (walking quietly but never sneaking up on the person, leaving them alone for longer than a normal person would need, never raising their voice, never slamming doors, etc)

this is not true for the traumatized patient who was lured into a domestic partnership by someone who appeared to be normal until the conditions occurred that allowed the trauma to occur. we cannot get away. any normal person we meet, or that sees us in any normal mundane place like the grocery store or the street or school or work, has very real potential to end up reenacting the trauma or simply triggering it with careless or malicious behavior. in most cases the PTSD perpetrator is men, it is for me, so that's what I'll mostly be addressing in my discussion of the topic but I'm conscious that all kinds of people are capable of traumatizing others.

every single time I have explained this to a therapist who was trying to CBT or DBT or talk therapize me into being normal again, they had nothing to say about it. because every single bit of research about PTSD recovery states very clearly that the very first thing the patient needs before any recovery can occur, is absolute and total safety. and this is impossible for the home-traumatized or stranger-victimized person to acquire except by absolute isolation from all other people. the isolation itself causes additional problems. and it isn't possible anyway, because we still have to go to the grocery store and work and school and walk the dog and talk to people to renew our driver's license etc. and every time we do normal life tasks, we can be, and often are, treated weirdly by men. this is partially because men just act like that normally most of the time even if they will never and have never traumatized anyone or abuse anyone, and partially because actual intentional predators look for the mark of Cain that all traumatized women and girls people express subconsciously in our physiology and movement. there's a very good episode of Kimmy Schmitt about this, where she meets a very nice Afghanistan veteran who assumes she is also a veteran based on her weird behavior. this exact same thing has happened to be multiple times.

I'm not pulling this out of my ass, there's research on how trauma changes how a person walks, speaks, looks around, and makes facial expressions. we know the most noticeable ones, like the Thousand Yard Stare common in pictures of shellshock victims in war photos, but a lot of them are more subtle, like having an uneven gait.

I can never go "home" from the war.

so I ask the therapist who is trying to help me, what do I do about 50% of the people I meet being a potential source of new trauma? every man I pass on the sidewalk is an IED.

and they don't know, they don't have an answer for that, because they are trying to achieve a magic trick with their trauma patients, the magic trick of convincing someone who actually is still in constant danger to think and act as if they are not. but I can't cooperate with their efforts. I can't meditate and intentionalize that I Am Safe, the Trauma is Over, Men Will Not Attack or Violate My Bodily Autonomy Ever Again, because it is self evidently not true. this is probably the difference between people who recover from PTSD and people who don't.

my ex partner who is moving out kept doing things that were, at worst, HR violations in their level of "violence" towards my body and peace of mind. I explained this to him over and over while retreating deeper and deeper into whatever isolation i could create in my house, I kept getting sicker from the traumagenic crippling and disease that bodies get when they're keeping the score. and he just didn't get it. he would back off a bit if I really got mad about it in a visible way, but only temporarily and self-evidently without any actual understanding of the core issue. this wasn't sustainable and also demonstrated that he didn't actually care, even though he thought he did and appeared to be "trying" to cooperate. this is very very common with men, even Good Men. thinking you care about something, and believing you are respecting someone, is different from actually doing so. many many men do not perceive or believe there is a difference, because there is a fundamental lack of empathy and awareness in them that is very difficult to overcome. and you won't be able to find out about this until after you have moved in together and you, as the PTSD patient, have been able to observe and test their awareness, often for many years. that is simply the lot of the traumatized woman.

ex partner is moving out and I'm simultaneously absolutely enthused about cleaning and decorating and also very very seriously concerned about rent. scheming about how to get that rent

[sinistershepherd]

m a y i a s k , , , How would the Sunny 'n Moony brothers react to a trauma-filles child in the daycare? How would one another attend to said child? How would they take proper action?

Ofc you do NOT have to do this one, 'tis a question I thought I'd ask since I don't see alot of these!!

This idea is something I’ve worked with in the past, having vague references in one of my works, but I would like to write another to get more recognition for this topic!

Sun and Moon would react differently depending on what kind of trauma the child is suffering from, and would also determine:

1. Is the individual still in the situation that gave them that trauma?

2. Have they already gotten help, are they capable of asking for help?

In a more generalized situation, however, children with trauma are treated with compassion and both attendants have different protocols that they follow in these types of situations.

Sun is quieter around them, and often provides little toys, crayons and paper, or an area that separates them from the others if they become too overwhelmed. If they have issues interacting with the other kids, but still want to try, Sun will give them some small pointers and sometimes do group activities in hopes that it will urge the others to shift attention from playtime to socializing.

NOTE: I see the daycare as an educational experience as well! The kids are encouraged to talk and help others that don’t understand the subjects as well.

Sun also has an on-site emotional support dog, and is trained as it’s handler. If a child has a PTSD episode or panic attack, Sun tends to send the dog to help, since he is rather large and can be intimidating in those types of situations.

He also keeps his hands to himself and asks before he gives hugs. He has made signals for kids who sometimes don’t talk as a result of their trauma, and has given the emotional support puppo a small bell on it’s collar that can help for auditory grounding.

Moon is naturally quiet, so that isn’t an issue. Before nap time, he often pulls the kids who were/are in abusive/neglectful households aside and asks them how things have been going, if anything has changed, and tells them to rate their ‘safety scale’ from 1 - 10.

1 means “I don’t feel safe at all, can I stay here overnight” (they have a protocol for this)

10 means “things have been stable, I’m doing okay”

He also pulls the PTSD kids aside in a different setting to ask if they would like a separate area, if they need extra care, or if weighted blankets would help their mindset. The kids who have had trauma are usually placed closer to Moon in case they have nightmares, so that he can get to them and soothe them quickest. This is only done because he knows that nightmares are more common in individuals who have suffered from trauma. The other kids are treated with just as much care and love, but Moon knows that the struggles of the kids that stay silent is something that he NEEDS to keep aware of.

Story time remains the same, and so does the lullabies when it comes time.

If anyone wants to be held or needs special accommodations, he makes sure these things are done before nap time begins. Nap time is organized into four sections:

Section one: ‘Silence’ - No music, no white noise, not many other kids. Smaller group that usually spreads out at the base of the play-structures.

Section two: ‘Watchful Eyes’ - Some sort of music or background noise, usually tends to be the troublemakers that Moon has to watch the closest. These kiddos lay in a tight group beneath the bridge.

Section 3: ‘Heavy Hearts’ - Kids that need weighted blankets, extra noise, or Moon’s presence to reassure them are in this group. This is the smallest group, usually consisting of 4-5 kids, most of which suffer from trauma, PTSD, anxiety, insomnia, exc. They remain with Moon on the bridge as he watches over the others.

Section four: ‘Spies’ - The ones who cannot sleep or are too afraid to calm down are given blankets and a stuffed animal to settle down on the bridge with Moon. They help him watch the other kids. Moon makes this into a game.

Kids are instructed to tell Moon which group they feel fits them based upon how they feel during story time/nap time preparations. This way he knows which kids may need some extra support.

Moon is much more gentle, as well. That’s kinda what he’s known for. He’s the listener and planner, while Sun is the caretaker and comforter.

I do believe this should be covered more, because I see both brothers as not only attendants, but also like temporary parents. They love each kid in their own way, and are proud of the little ones that have fought so hard to get back to the daycare each morning. Each kid is special to them <3

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

now that I've accepted that I am forever unclean and that Analyzing the CW’s Hit TV Show Supernatural Specifically Dean Winchester is the regular hell loop that is my brain -

I Have Some Words to Say About Miracle (the dog):

Yes, this motherfucker.

(this episode contains SPOILERS from Season 15 of Supernatural including 15x09, 15x18, 15x19; TRIGGER WARNING - abuse, trauma, self harm, and spn 15x20 analysis).

I know we as a collective were confused (and angered) when instead of getting his One True Love at the end of the series, Dean Winchester got....a dog.  No offense Miracle, because you are cute and fluffy and I’d keep you forever

YES FOREVER YOU ARE SO FLUFFY COME HOME TO ME NOW

but

Dean Winchester does not like dogs.

Some have theorized it’s because he was killed by hellhounds at the end of Season 3, which is enough to give you a little canine PTSD:

Even explaining the following behavior in Yellow Fever:

He was also killed by this dog at one point in Mystery Spot:

It’s canon he has a strong aversion to dogs in the Impala:

(I would like to know more about Don)

There’s also probably lingering/repressed anger around that whole Sam never looked for him while he was in Purgatory situation:

There is, however, ONE prior episode in which Dean doesn’t hate dogs.

In Dog Dean Afternoon, when, as a side effect of a spell, he takes on the characteristics OF a dog.

(don’t let anyone tell you Jensen Ackles doesn’t have range, by the way).

SO MY THEORY ON “WHY MIRACLE” BASED ON THE AFOREMENTIONED IS:

As essentially everything, it all goes back to John Dumpster Fire Winchester, Father of the Year.

If you’re a John Winchester apologist, you should just stop reading now.  Also just don’t.  There is NO REASON TO DEFEND THIS MAN.

We know John was abusive.  Just one example of what  he put Dean through when he was NINE that he STILL remembers.

Also, this:

I could go on, but you get the picture. Why people were so thrilled when he came back for Lebanon keeps me up at night (nothing against the wildly talented Jeffrey Dean Morgan; he is fantastic, but John Winchester is trash). 

Dean’s childhood abuse is part of the reason he is convinced he is unworthy of anyone and anything.  It’s the first thing Cas notices about him.

Sam knows it too.

Even Crowley:

Abuse is generational.  Dean has shown he has potential to continue the cycle.

With Sam:

(not mentioned, lying, controlling Sam’s choices, the angel possession thing)

With Ben when he lives with Lisa:

He snaps at him about taking a gun from the Impala’s trunk at the beginning of Season 6, and then in Live Free or Twihard he physically pushes him against a wall (granted he’s a vampire at the time, but still - not an excuse).

With Jack:

At the outset of their relationship, Dean treats Jack the way John treated Sam.  He initially blames him for Cas’s death just like John blamed Sam for Mary’s (remember when John not only forced Dean to fucking single-parent Sam but later told Dean he may have to kill him seriously I could strangle this man).

Dean is terrified of turning into his father and perpetuating the cycle.  Remember the lyrical genius of Single Man Tear in Fan Fiction?

“But underneath this broken mask It is my father, with all his wrath”

That’s why he pushes away the people who love him the most.  He deeply believes he will inevitably hurt them.

He doesn’t even allow himself to begin a relationship with Jack at first.  The Jack/Dean arc is wildly important in all of this not only for representing Dean’s fear in perpetuating the cycle, but also because Jack/Dean is a narrative mirror for Dean/John.

Remember what Jack was doing before this? (TW: self harm)

Think about that in terms of Jack representing Dean.  Sit with it for a second.   Oof.

I posit to you this is also why Dean becomes so aggressive in using Jack to stop Chuck in Season 15.   Remember Dean consistently refers to the hamster wheel (a literal CYCLE) throughout this season.  This ties directly into Dean’s fear that he can’t control his life; that he is destined to become just like John - abusive and cruel. Team Free Will for Dean has always represented the glimmer of hope that this will not be his ending.

15x05:

The gun is gone, but it turns out Jack can be the weapon that ends God.  Think back to someone else who was fighting a Big Bad in Supernatural, and was so obsessed with finding the weapon to end him that he sacrificed everything, including his family for it.  Dean is acting exactly like John Winchester.  He’s perpetuating the cycle.  And that’s also part of the reason he shoves Cas away - because he believes this is inevitable, this is who he was always going to become.  

That’s why the purgatory prayer is BRILLIANT and important:

Dean is finally talking about his anger; his fear of the cycle. How his first response to stress and conflict is anger, just like John’s. He is acknowledging and accepting that this is in him, and sharing it with Cas.

WOOF ok so back to dogs.  You forgot this post is about dogs right?  So, we all know dogs give us unconditional love.  The best and truest kind.

Abusers also tend to abuse animals.  Dean’s aversion to dogs is a manifestation of the cycle of abuse. He believes if he gets a dog, he will inevitably abuse and torment it, because he believes that is who he is.  So he just acts like he doesn’t like them.

Until this happens:

And the very next episode, we meet Miracle.

Tell me this isn’t a man who has ALWAYS LOVED DOGS.

And BTW he has no issues having Miracle ride in the Impala.  Because that wasn’t ever the real problem to begin with.

Cas’s words of love helped Dean break the cycle.  

Reinforced in the finale (derogatory): 

When Chuck says -

Dean responds with that’s not who I am.  

And that’s the reason for Miracle.  Dean’s Team Free Will ending is breaking the toxic loop, and accepting love without fear that he will destroy it.  It’s acknowledging that while the history of abuse exists, it does not have to control or define him.  He chooses a different path.  He chooses to be defined by love.  

But he was still robbed of actually living his life with the people who got him here.  I will never stop screaming that he deserved better.  If you are fighting against this cycle, please know that you too deserve better.  

Oh and John Winchester 10000000000 percent belongs in hell. 

Which is why the Sexy Silence continues.

BONUS FOR SEROTONIN:

[mayaflowerxs]

STRAYKIDS AS PETS

(Hyung Line)

Pairing: skz x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: fluff. Lots of cute moments.

Synopsis: How you and skz member meet and how it’s been going ever since. (Only dogs or cats as pets)

Chan:

Definitely a Golden retriever. You found Chan late at night, you and your ex boyfriend had gotten into a massive fight and you ran out the house to get a fresh breath of air. While you were walking, the sun had gone down and you ended up at the park. No longer feeling safe to stay out, you also didn’t want to go back to your ex’s place. As you bring your phone out to call your best friend, you kept looking around. Goosebumps trailing up your arm as the chilly wind blew by you. ��Hey y/bsf/n, Me and him got in a fight again. I’m at the park and it’s really dark, come pick me up please?” While you were on the phone, you hadn’t realized the Golden dog start approaching you from behind. He had smelled you the second you stepped foot onto the premises. He’s been eating the scraps the kids leave by the tables. Seeing & smelling you intrigued him and he couldn’t help but want to get near you. “Thank you so much! Alright see you then.” As you hanged up, it had started to get pitched black, only the distant light of your neighborhood can be seen.

As you go to turn on the flash, it had flashed onto Chan. Squealing you fall off the bench and flat on your butt. Wincing as the sharp rocks scraped your palm. Chan immediately whines as he didn’t mean to hurt and scare you. With his nose, he nudged your palm for you to open it. Wanting to see how bad your injury was. “It’s alright buddy, see? No blood.” Chan breathes out, the sudden worry slowly dissolving. “You’re pretty cute.” You say as you go to pat his head. Chan couldn’t help but wag his tail, immediately feeling a strong connection between you and him. You knew you couldn’t leave Chan there and when there was no tag you knew you had to take him home. When your best friend came to pick you up, you guys went to the vet which was pretty hard since most of the ones near you were closed. No chip. Chan panicked when you put him back inside the car and started going to the route your best friend takes to get to her place. Not realizing that it was also the route the pound ends up at. Chan felt a strong wave of ptsd washing in and started whining. Barking and scratching the door. “What’s wrong buddy?” Howling as he nuzzled his nose in your neck, in a way begging you not to take him to the pound. That never happened. Now a year later you were in your small apartment with Chan. His bright blue diamond collar around him with his name shined brightly on it. Absolutely loves the time he has spent with you. Everyday is a blessing for him, he’s the comfort you always needed. When you wake up, he immediately gets up as well. When you go to work, he walks you to the door. Looking through the window until you drive out of your parking spot. Spotting you even when you guys are on the third floor. Making sure to park somewhere in his view, the last time you didn’t. You got a complaint about a barking dog 5 minutes after you drove off. When you’re sick, he uses his body heat to keep you warm. When you sleep he makes sure to not make as much noise to not wake you. 250/10 best boy.

Minho:

He’d be a Siamese cat. Now, now. Minho was actually a stray when you found him. His mother got killed by a coyote and his siblings were caught in a fire. He was the only one who survived and he was pretty traumatized, he was always wary with his surroundings and anyone really. Never trusted anyone or anything. When a pack of dogs started chasing him, usually he would fend for himself but given that he was outnumbered and had little to no energy. He used all that he had to run to the nearest house. Fitting himself through the small fence hole as the dogs barked at him. Baring their teeth at him, running inside the small vent the house had that led under the house. Staying there until he was sure no dogs were around. Feeling so tired, he had fallen asleep. He woke up when the slam of a car door was in his ear shot. Smelling the scent of chicken, he peaked his head out and saw you holding a bag of KFC, (if you don’t eat chicken or like KFC then imagine something else haha) His stomach grumbled as he licked his lips.

It’s been almost two days since the last time he had eaten. The rats he had caught had diseases and he really didn’t want to deal with infected rats much less, eat them. As you enter your house, you were engulfed by the hot heat pent up in your house. Opening the windows to let out the hot air and in the cool air, Minho slowly crawled out of his hideout. Peaking his head out to see inside your house. Instantly spotting the bag filled with the delicious chicken he craved dearly. He had a plan, while you were in the room. He’d go in, grab a wing and rush out. But it only backfired when he got in and got carried away by the great smell of the food. Not realizing you had closed the door and windows once cool air got in. Making your way over to the kitchen. Not even hearing your footsteps, he jumps when he hears your voice. Dropping the chicken in his mouth. “Uh...hi.” He hisses at you. Your guys first interaction was a mess. He hissed and threw his paw (with claws out & everything) at you. When you let him out, he quickly ran out. Running until he wasn’t near the house anymore. When he came to a stop, he felt this lonesome feeling in the pit of his stomach. The soft voice of yours ringing in his ear. He felt bad, you were being nothing but nice but he returned your niceness with hisses and scratches. By the next morning, you open your door to get your mail when you see him sleeping on your patio. After 5 months, he was officially named Minho. His grey collar around his neck with your address imprinted on it. Spending most of his time annoying the heck out of you. But you still love him. Sometimes his tree tower gets boring so he results in napping on your lap. When you’re not home he looks out the window. Smirking at the dogs who previously chased him. They’re the same stray dogs running around like wild animals while he had a home. He has amazing food, his water is always cleaned along with a litter box how cool is that?! And he has the best human to love him even when he was cold hearted to them at first. He really was glad that piece of chicken brought him a great home and human.

Changbin:

He’s a Rottweiler for sure. He met you at a dog park, his owner was a 7 year old girl. Terrible owner, she was in a family of seven. Four siblings who were very irresponsible and very ignorant. Poor parents, they were too nice which the kids took advantage of. While the youngest of the family was busy brushing Changbin’s thin fur very aggressively, he looked out to the other dogs. Wishing he was running around freely, ironic how they came to the dog park so he can run around freely and yet he still feels the same way as he always does when he’s back at home, encaged. Trapped. As he was looking at the other dogs, he saw one in particular walk in. Jumping in excitement as it’s tail wagged and looked up at its owner. When looking in the direction the dog was staring at. He froze in his spot. The most beautiful human stood there. As if an angel had appeared before him. Like his inner wild animal had just screamed, ‘MINE’ you really were one of a kind. He didn’t know what to do, but what he did know is that if anyone was going to keep wasting more of his time, it definitely would be you. The little girl got distracted when her mother had called her name. Using this distraction, he got up and jogged his way over. The male dog you came with had ran off in joy. As you were sat on the bench and smiling as Seungmin had joined his usually park pal, Felix. You didn’t realize Changbin had made his way over to you until he sat down in front of you.

“Oh! Hello there! Aren’t you a cutie?” You say as you scratch his chin. Changbin felt his heart flutter, getting up from his spot as he got closer to you. Nuzzling his head over your legs. He didn’t know what came over him, it was wrong. Especially when the human he felt so fondly of already had a pet. Changbin smelled the scent Seungmin left on you, he did all that he can to not growl at the thought of another dog scenting you. He knew that if Seungmin were to find out he would definitely not react nicely to a random dog scenting his human. But he couldn’t stop himself, he wanted you. He wanted to go home with you. Heck, he wanted to befriend Seungmin as well and become one big family. One could only imagine. But things did go for the better. Changbin spent most of his time with you and when you had to leave. You saw the family that pertained to Changbin. Seeing how annoyed the older kids looked and how much the parents weren’t doing anything to keep them from giving attitudes to the dogs that ran past them. You had enough when you saw the girl start tugging on Changbin’s collar practically choking him. Hearing his whines broke your heart. Walking over you got the attention of the parents. “That’s no way to let your daughter treat your dog like that. Don’t you see how much he’s hurting?” The parents already looked frustrated enough that their kids were being brats. The youngest started throwing a fit about how she can’t do anything right. Finally the father had enough and exploded. “You guys are all ungrateful! If this is how you guys are with him then you guys don’t deserve him.” Grabbing his lease and clipping it on his collar he walks over and hands it to you. “Keep him, please. He already looks happier with you, I know you’ll do a better job than we can ever do.” Walking off with his family. You stood there bewildered. Mouth agape, but to Changbin he was thrilled. Tail wagging as his mouth was wide, tongue out in content. Looking up at you with adoration. In the distance, Seungmin and Felix looked at the scene before them. A confused Min wondering what the hell had happened. Adjusting was a bit difficult for Changbin. Don’t get me wrong he loved every second with you but because he scented you over the scent Seungmin left on you. He didn’t exactly have a nice bond with Min. He couldn’t be in the same place as Min without him huffing and walking away. Over time, they had gotten closer. Getting used to the fact that they were now sharing their beloved human. Having the same interests, hobbies, and the number one common thing they shared of them all. The love they have for you. Very protective boy. Now when you guys go back to the dog park, he also befriended Felix. But after a while, he runs back to you and sits by your side. Glaring at any dog who dares get a bit too close to you. Nudging your leg when you scold him for being mean to the other dogs. Looking up at you with puppy eyes as a way for you to forgive him. You can’t resist his eyes and blow a kiss at him as you coo at his adorable self. ‘My human’ he thinks. The flutter in his heart still present.

Hyunjin:

He would be a Norwegian Forest Cat. In all honesty, Hyunjin hated your guts. He didn’t know why. Well actually he did. You see he was your grandmother’s baby boy. He was like her child and let’s just say he was SPOILED. You and your family are pretty wealthy. Most of your cousins grew up to be brats and think just because they have money they get to act however they wanted. Your mother although didn’t want anything to do with the family. Ashamed at how her siblings acted and how that affected their kids. The only family member she kept in touch was your grandmother who she loved dearly. Hyunjin had to face your cousins countless of times. They were either brats and hated his presence or wanted to break and shred his bubble and hug the daylights out of him. Either way, they never treated him properly. All the pampering the maids gave him each morning which was brush his hair, put him his nice outfit for the day. Give him a message and more, all went out the window once your cousins came to treat his relaxing day a living hell. So when you came to visit he only assumed you to be just like them. But your grandmother had fallen very ill. So he couldn’t worry too much about your presence, his only concern was his mama. That was until she passed away. He was devastated when he woke up and she didn’t. And if things couldn’t get worse, the day you visited was the day your grandmother had you promise to take care of her little Jinnie for her. You couldn’t say no to her.

But you were running out of ways to get Hyunjin to like you. Or to at least not to scratch the soul out of you. Not only was he grieving for your grandmother but he had to put up with what he thought was one of the many annoying bratty grand children. In the end, you gave up in making amends with him so you kept your distance. You couldn’t give him up and even if he hated you, you made a promise and you were going to stick to it. You tried to stay out of his way most of the time. Waking up early before he did, you cleaned his water and gave him his food. The fancy kind because your grandmother believed a ‘good’ boy like him deserved more than regular dry food. The money your grandmother had left, was given to you and a portion to Hyunjin as well. It was enough to not have you work for the rest of your life but that wasn’t you. You didn’t want to stop doing what you wanted to pursue simply because of money. You still wanted to go out and do what you loved. So yeah, you kept busy. And when you got a promotion, you had less time spent at home. Hyunjin should’ve been glad. Well, he was. That was until he heard you outside. Peaking through the window he saw you crouched down. Helping a stray cat who pretended to look very ill. Cooing at them, you fed them the last bit of your lunch. Rubbing their back as they purred. He couldn’t help but feel jealous. Why were you petting some random cat and not him? You were barely home and now that you are, all the attention is onto a damn cat that doesn’t live here. He knows it was wrong to think this way but he couldn’t help it. You weren’t the annoying brat he thought you were. You were this sweet angel that did nothing but try to make him feel as safe and comfortable as possible. When you entered the house, he felt himself frown when you completely ignored him standing by the door. You didn’t realize this but for the remainder of the day, wherever you went he sorta trailed behind you. Still keeping a distance. When you laid down on your bed, you heard his little meow just as he jumped on the bed. You stopped whatever you were doing and looked at him. Waiting for a hiss or bite about to strike at you. But it never came, instead he lend out a paw on your arm. No claws clawing your arm. Only the soft fur & pad touching your arm. Inching closer and closer, he climbed on top of you and laid there. You smiled softly at him. Hesitant, but pet his head softly. His tail wagging a bit as he took a nap on your chest. Maybe living with you wasn’t so bad. He still smelled the scent on that other cat so he didn’t forget in stretching so far out that every inch of your chest, stomach and neck got covered in his scent. That atta show that stray to stay away from his human.

[lorbanery]

Like

Listen

Helena Bonham Carter is a phenomenal actress. It is not her fault that she's been typecast as the kooky aging mall goth aunt for the past, like, fifteen years. Watch pretty much anything she's done outside of Terfwarts and anything directed by Burton and you can see that.

The fact that her Mrs. Lovett is like sleepwalking through the movie is a deliberate choice and I think based on her other performances and how deliberately she seems to be acting aloof and half asleep makes it obvious that it was a deliberate directorial choice.

Now you could argue that oh it's just a different take on the character and just because it's different doesn't make it bad! Which is true!

What makes it bad is that the two main characters sing an entire song where they're trying to one-up each other in a 3 minute long pun-off making this face -_- the whole time.

Mrs. Lovett spends the entire show frantically running around doing everything she can and then some to make Sweeney even vaguely accepting of a relationship with her, making up whole ass romantic domestic bliss out of those crumbs, and then being SHOCKED and APPALLED when reality doesn't line up with her fantasy.

But Burton really wants me to believe that "trudging around the set with constant resting bitch face like she can barely be assed to get out of bed" is a valid character choice?

The only thing that really does is solidify that Burton really, fundamentally, does not care about anyone's work but his own.

Like, we already saw a bit of this with Alice in Wonderland. He's one record as saying that he never liked the original story because it didn't make sense [insert "the point going over your head" meme], which is a WILD thing for a self-declared Weirdo Freak to say, first of all. So his goal was to make it make sense and the result of that was this tortured Chosen One story where the Mad Hatter has fucking PTSD-induced DID or whatever the hell.

Because he fundamentally does not respect the source material. And I think you can see that in Sweeney Todd too.

A lot of people have written and talked at length about how Burton's continued self-identification as a weirdo well into the era when he was just being handed massive properties with multi-million dollar budgets to do whatever the fuck he wants with them is part of why his movies have been so blah at best. Most of those people have also pointed out that the movie he's most known for — The Nightmare Before Christmas — wasn't even actually directed by him, it was just based on a story that he wrote and his illustrations.

And I'd argue that that ... kind of feeds into this disrespect he seems to have to properties that aren't his own.

Because he still thinks of himself as this weird goth kid who no one understands and makes weird niche media for weird cult movie enjoyers. And that was kind of true! Anyone who grew up in the '90s can tell you that while TNBC was generally well-known, it was well-known in the way that the stop-motion Rudolph movie was well-known. It was a niche holiday movie that it was normal for some people to watch around Halloween and/or Christmas, but liking it beyond that was kind of weird.

But you know what? It's currently 20-fucking-23 and I can decorate my house in entirely TNBC-themed Halloween decorations if I wanted to bought entirely at my local Walgreens. The man isn't weird or niche anymore. And arguably hasn't been for, like, twenty years.

Now, I fully believe that the guy who said "Hey what if Frankenstein but a kid bringing his beloved dog back to life and also the neighborhood still brutally chases the mosterdog down in the final act?" was treated as kind of a big weirdo at Disney in the '90s. But it's also important to note that ... Frankenweeinie still got made. And I'm not even talking about the full length animated feature! There was a whole ass live action short film starring the kid from The Neverending Story, Shelly fucking Duvall, and with an appearance by a young Sofia Coppola! And it came out almost TEN YEARS before TNBC did! SIX years before Edward Scissorhands! FOUR years before Batman! So you can't even argue that they only made it because he was having some big silver screen success so wanted to indulge him!

Anyway, my point was that I can see how a guy who thinks of himself as fundamentally weird and outsider, as the lifelong goth who only makes niche movies for cult movie enjoyers? Would think of these other pieces of popular media as somehow above his in popular culture. Like, it doesn't matter that Alice in Wonderland has been a literary haven for most kids who actually find themselves on the outskirts of mainstream culture. What matters is that it's a story that everybody knows. Therefore, as a self-declared niche movie maker and weirdo, it's not only makes sense for Burton to not like Alice in Wonderland, it's actually good and cool for him to not like it.

"But what about Batman?"

A fair point. Burton's Batman movies are the most widely acclaimed Batman movies, except among people who are pissed off about the liberties he took with Penguin and Catwoman in Batman Returns. I, personally, love both of them.

There's an argument to be made that they were made earlier in his career when he still cared about pleasing someone other than his own skewed ego.

But I think there's also something else to be said for the place Batman held in mainstream culture at the time. Because I think Burton, more than anyone else, including Frank Miller, brought Batman into mainstream adult culture.

Because it has to be pointed out that while the '60s and '70s saw DC comics dealing with more serious topics and handling those topics in more mature ways, superhero comics were, at that point, still largely seen as media for kids. Like, you want to know why the Adam West Batman series was so campy and over-the-top? It's because they were spoofing what were essentially kids' cartoons. The bungling cops, the over-dramatic, heavily themed supervillains, Batman's rigid devotion to traffic safety laws? It was the "Captain America PSA meme" of its time.

So Batman was already pretty niche, at least for adult audiences. And given the dark and brooding tone that Batman comics were starting to develop around the time Burton was growing up? I fully believe that there was something about Batman that Burton liked. Otherwise? It was a fluke. And the fact that his personal brand fit neatly into the Batman mythos meant that the "fix" just kind of worked entirely by accident.

Anyway, all this to say someone get Guillermo Del Toro to adapt Sweeney Todd But Good so that I can stop being mad that the movie adaptation was such a trashfire.

Also if you've only seen the movie, please look up the filmed production of the original Broadway cast (including Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Lovett!). It used to be up for free on Youtube, but you might have to go further afield to find it now. But GOD it's so worth it.

Every time I listen to a good rendition of "A Little Priest" I'm forced to remember how horribly Burton's "Sweeney Todd" butchered (haha) it and I get angry about it all over again.

[bigtittydemonwife]

Yandere creeps? 👀

Of course! since you didn’t specify who you wanted I decided to do Toby, Masky, Hoodie, Liu, EJ, LJ, Jeff and Jane

Ticci Toby

Honestly it wouldn’t take much for this man to go yandere honestly. Just show him kindness. He’s been shown cruelty his whole life so someone treating him with basic decency and not expecting anything out of it? Yeah he’s in love.

While he will treat you like a queen, if you fight back you will be punished. He doesn’t want to physically hurt his S/O, but he’s not below anything mentally. He will murder your loved ones right in front of you. All while saying things like “It’s you’re fault, I’m the only one who is allowed to love you”

But if your completely fine with being with him? (Don’t @ me I know there are some of you out there) He’s so happy! Expect cuddles everyday, they’re mandatory. He’s still possessive as all hell though. While he trusts you not to run away he does NOT trust others to not steal you away. No matter what you’re leaving the house for he’s coming with you. Taking out the trash? Wait for him. Getting grocery’s? Let him get his shoes. This leads to quote unquote dates a lot.

He needs you with them so don’t ever try to leave, love him and you should be fine. But don’t think it’s all happiness. He’s a PTSD ridden Schizophreniac with most likely trust issues and intimacy issues. There are days where you can tell him you love him a thousand times and he’s yelling about how you’re lying. But in a hour he’ll be back crying and begging for forgiveness.

He struggles with emotions so remember, he was major trouble showing love. The way he does it headpats, cuddles and not murdering you.

Eyeless Jack

Now this man is a mystery rapped in a enigma rapped in a riddle. For him, its tougher to figure out why he’s obsessed with you. But I’d say its how you are psychologically and what you’re life’s like.

Maybe its because of how generally kind you are despite knowing how shit life and people can be. Maybe he wants to protect the innocence he used to have?

Who knows. But as with Toby, Mans Possessive. Not in a lock you up kinda way (That would come later). But stalkerish. You may think you’re alone but you never are. Man knows you’re whole shecdual. And while he won’t KILL anyone who hurts you, that would draw way to much attention. But what he does is much worse.

He probably takes the longest out of all the creeps to show himself to you. And not even in person. He’d start with notes. If you return his feelings your safe and now have a cannibalistic stalker protector. If you don’t......well...We’ll unpack that someother time.

Masky

Again, Show him kindness, But its still a little different from Toby. If you fully understand what he’s done, the person he is. But still think he deserves kindness. He thinks you’re naive. Yeah, He starts off thinking your fucking stupid. Starting.

But as it goes on, and you continue to show him kindness. Even when you know what he’s done, He starts to warm up to your kindness. But if you witness him cold blooded murdering someone. He’s ready for you to leave. But if you dont. You still treat him kindly. He wants to save this nativity. Being naive in this world is a death wish. So he’ll barely let you leave the house. And he’s always with you. Unlike EJ. He will murder anyone who fucks with you. And leave no evidence behind. As far as anyones concerned they’ve dissapeared from the earth.

Once again if you love this man. You have to put up with this. No negotiations. He loves you and thats how he shows it. But if you do put up with it. And show this man all the love. Maybe it will be alright.

But like EJ, Never try and leave him, Unlike some creeps he will hurt his S/O physically, but then will cry into their arms begging them to forgive him. Or a different punishment might go an NSFW way if you know what I mean.....

Hoodie

Again, Complicated. His obsession probably comes very quickly. Someone whose creative like him, Who questions the bigger things in life. Someone he could have a intelligent conversation with.

He’s a stalker. He watches his S/O all day. Nothing they do could bore him. But he gets jealous very easy. Why else do you think the cute person in the library that gave you their number hasn’t come back? Or hasn’t texted you?

He’s probably take a while to show himself to his S/O. And once he finally gets the courage. He’ll send them a letter. You two’ll become penpals. He’s kept every single one of your letters and keeps them in a folder.

He does have trouble showing his emotions though, Showing his S/O He loves them would be returning letters, Giving them small trinkets (like a magpie) and not murdering them.

Prefurs not to hurt his S/O, If they try to run away he’ll just psychologically torture them. Following them and disappearing when the call the police. Making them think they’re the only one who can see him. Anyone who they care about disappears. But this only happends if you run away and don’t love him back.

So love him and you’ll be good....you’ll just have to deal with Possessiveness, Paranoia, Obssession, and Jealousy.

Jane The Killer

With most of the creeps. Be kind to her, But not just her. If your a generally kind person who shows others respect but refuses to to bow down to bullies. Shes in love

Shes quite quick to talk to her S/O, She’ll ask for they’re number, and because of how normal she looks (And how pretty she is) you say yes.

Late night texts about random things, if you rant to her about your interests she could listen all day.

(To quote The Killers) Jealousy

Its her life quest to keep creepers who remind her of Jeff away from you, Speaking of Jeff is he ever went near you shes starting a riot.

She loves cuddles, intamacy is a must. She needs you to stay near her. Once again won’t hurt her S/O but if they try to run away they’re getting locked in a room alone untill they’re begging for her to come back so they can hear someone’s voice that isnt their own and touch them. She’s not above depriving her S/O of intimacy should the moment call for it.

Possessive. You need her and only her. Everyone else doesnt matter. Show her love and no one else.

Jeff The Killer

He’s most likely to become obsessed with someone whose nice to people. But will fight a bitch. If your sassy and don’t take shit he’s in love. But remember hes a twisted psychopath who murdered his family and his neighbours. His love isnt what you’d call socially acceptable. He’d kill for you in a flash. Anyone, people you love or hate. They’re dissapearing.

Unlike the others, he won’t show himself to you quickly BUT he will not hide his love. Scribbled love notes written in blood. Dead animals on your porch. He’s kinda like a dog.

He will hurt his S/O if they don’t love him, Mentally or Physically he doesnt mind, He see’s it as a necessary step.

He needs physically affection.

Isnt a soft relationship to be honest. Cuddles and kisses yes. But no soft words. Just sass, violent outbursts, Hate sex, Angry sex, Makeup sex. Yeah lots of sex.

He’s a horndog what can I say?

But maybe, just mayyybeee once In a blue moon, you’ll be cuddling and he’ll think your asleep, and whisper he loves you in his ear. Pretend your asleep though.

Laughing Jack

He needs someone he can laugh with, Someone with a sort of wonder to them. He likes those type of people.

Since he’s a childs imaginary friend(?) He doesn’t really understand love, But obsession? Yes.

He’s not gonna show himself to his S/O for ages. I mean, Hes like a seven foot tall clown. Total boyfriend material.

He’ll leave candy on your doorstep, Or cute little trinkets, Like music boxes.

Gives the best hugs honestly. He’ll lift you right up off the ground and spin you around. Honestly he carries you everywhere like a princess.

CARNIVIAL DATES.

Anyone, literally anyone makes you feel sad or makes the wonder in your eyes leave. They’re loved ones are getting turned into candy, then they’re forced to eat them. Then they get murdered gruesomely. He’s all you need and he’ll protect you.

He loves to slow dance with you. He’ll play some old classical music.

(I headcanon he has a British accent)

He’ll cut you off from all your friends, or make them disappear, He’s all you need.

Homicidial Liu/Sully

(Its so hard to find good gifs for these boys)

This boy needs a hug, Him and Sully.

Stalkers. They need affection. They’ll follow they’re S/O wherever they go. No mater what they do.

They’re S/O has a partner? Not for much longer.

Liu gives cute gifs and notes like Flowers, or shiny trinkets, Sully gives weirder stuff, Like random stones or shiny things. And his notes are scrubbed much more.

Nickname them Magpie they’ll love it.

While Liu is defiantly the more sweeter one, He’ll never hurt his S/O, but he will score them if he must. Sully on the other hand, all for scaring them. Despite what others think he loves them, and he doesn’t want to hurt them to much because he wants them to be his. And they can’t be his if they’re dead.

You know all the jealousy I said Jeff had? Imagine that but doubled.

Thats your realtionship. While Liu will be more defensive if someone’s hurting or flirting with you. Sully aggressive. Back away from whats his.

[serenailith]

long time gone

pairing: winterhawk (gen) rating: t tags: PTSD, alternate universe, pen pals, trauma, clint-centric chapters: 7/? ao3 here

in which clint can breathe again

He’s not ready. He knows he isn’t. He knows that Doctor Brayden would be pissed if she knew, but that doesn’t stop Clint from entering the Stark Industries building three days after his last session. He needs to do something, anything, even if it’s just sitting in Tony’s workshop and watching Dum-E annoy his creator. Clint can’t handle being stuck in his flat again, not after what happened last time. How bad things got. It was bad enough that Coulson stripped him down and showered him because Clint couldn’t do it himself. He doesn’t want that to happen again.

And being stuck in one place, with the walls closing in and air growing thin, is enough to send even the sanest man to the brink of no return.

“Good morning, Mister Barton.”

He glances up, forces a smile at Angelica. “Morning.”

“We heard about what happened.” Her face twists up—he thinks it’s supposed to be sympathy. “I can’t imagine how scared you all were.”

“It was. . .”

“Yeah. Well, have a good day!” she chirps as the phone rings, and she answers it with a cheerfulness that instantly irritates him.

If Clint were to be honest with himself, he thinks as he situates himself in the lift, he would admit that he aches in a way he can’t explain. Neither Coulson nor Natasha have tried harder to get him to talk, they haven’t showed up at his place to confront him. They’ve left him on his own, like they should have done a long time ago. Clint just got too accustomed to them being there. Like a fool, he had hoped that would last a helluva lot longer.

But now that he’s failed twice, it’s no wonder they’ve cut all ties. It is the smart thing to do.

No one treats him any differently, he realises as the morning goes on. Not in any way that should be deemed ‘significant’. But the changes absolutely are significant. Happy hasn’t spoken to Clint often outside of giving orders, but when he does today, there’s a thread of respect that Clint hasn’t heard before. The other members of the security team nod whenever they pass him in the corridors, and the cashier in the cafeteria waves off his money when he goes to pay for his pathetic meal of a sandwich and a plum.

The biggest difference is Tony. He has ranted and raved about being interrupted enough that his dislike is well-known to everyone who’s ever come within a foot of the man while he’s in the workshop. But Clint has better eyes than most. He sees what people don’t want him to see. He sees how hard Tony works to not react whenever Clint approaches. When Clint paces the workshop looking for anything out of the ordinary—and there’s a lot that can be considered ‘out of the ordinary’ to anyone other than Tony. When Clint asks for a sound-off whenever Tony hasn’t spoken in more than ten minutes.

The fact that everything is so much the same, even with the little changes, means more to Clint than he could ever say. He can’t even find the words, so he doesn’t try. He only vows to continue doing his job to the best of his ability.

Lucky doesn’t greet Clint at the door when he finally shuffles home. Clint tries to dredge up concern—the dog has never not been just inside the door—but he’s too tired. Too drained, physically and mentally. Emotionally. So he only shucks his suit jacket and his shoes, pads his way through the living room. He finally looks away from his feet and comes to an abrupt stop.

Despite his internal insistence that they’re better off without him, both Coulson and Natasha are sat on the couch as if they belong. Lucky sits on the floor with his head in her lap. Nat flicks through a magazine, one addressed to Alyshia’s mother, while Coulson focuses on the episode of SuperNanny on the television. Jasmine and gunpowder linger in the air, and Clint breathes it in on instinct. Coulson pats the cushion between him and Natasha without looking away from the TV.

Clint sits.

A hand rests on his knee, broad with a rough palm. Coulson’s touch is gentle, achingly so, and red hair tickles his throat when Nat rests her head on his shoulder. He closes his eyes against the burning, and his throat tightens at this display of love. Of support. He should have known better.

None of them speak, none of them say a word about the tears slipping down Clint’s cheeks. He lets himself sink into the warmth of their presence. Natasha laces her fingers with his, no longer pretending to read the magazine. Coulson has muted the television. This proves that Clint was wrong.

These two will always come for him, they will always be pillars of strength in his life.

They don’t leave even as Clint drags himself to bed, Lucky following close behind. Clint knows they’ll be here in the morning if they can.

Nat climbs into his bed when he wakes up screaming.

“So how did you come to own a dog?” Coulson asks over a mug of coffee, leaning against the counter.

Clint huffs out a laugh as the microwave beeps. “Would you believe me if I said he adopted me? Just came in one day and refused to leave. Here, Luck.”

Ignoring Natasha’s protest and Coulson’s dry tone telling him dogs shouldn’t have pizza, Cling tosses the warmed-up crust in Lucky’s direction, and the dog woofs before catching it. He disappears into the living room, and Clint picks up his own mug. He sips at the scalding coffee, grimacing before smiling down at the liquid. There’s nothing funny about it, but being here in the morning light with his two best friends makes the nightmares seem less monstrous.

He can breathe as long as he has Natasha and Coulson.

They leave after another hour. Nat stops at the door, raising an eyebrow in question. Clint hesitates then nods. He’ll be okay. He will. He’s a grown man; he doesn’t need people to hold his hand through whatever he’s dealing with.

Except he does. He’s had that, he has that, and now he’ll be fine.

True to his predictions, Doctor Brayden chastises him for going back to work so soon. When he tells her it’s in hopes of keeping the nightmares at bay, she purses her lips and taps her pen against her chin. Finally, she blows out a breath, a slow measured exhalation, then warns him it might not work: “It’s taken innumerable sessions to get you to this point, Clint. I can’t imagine working will make everything better.”

“It’s better than nothing,” he says with a shrug. “Have a good new year, Doc.”

“And what’s your resolution?” she asks before he can reach the door, and he stops with his hand on the doorknob.

What is his resolution? He’s never made one with any intention to keep it. They’ve always been jokes—‘stop drinking so much’ then turn around and go to the nearest bar with Natasha and close it down. ‘Beat Nat’s score of bad guys caught’ then lose spectacularly because she’s a vicious creature. ‘Eat as much pizza and watch as much Dog Cops as possible’ and do exactly that.

But this year feels different. This year feels heavy, raw. Changed. But in a way, there’s a subtle lightness beneath the weight. He can count on two hands the good things in his life—Coulson, Nat, Lucky, Kate, letters to and from Sarge. His new job. Pepper and Tony and even Happy. He may have fractured edges, sharp and reminding him of all he’s lost, and he falls apart too often to be considered ‘normal’. But it doesn’t mean he is broken. He’s not. He’s held together with spite and will and the love of his friends. It’s gotta be good enough.

He shrugs in response to Doctor Brayden’s question. Resolutions are hard, and this one seems particularly important. Not something he can rush. He slips out before she can question him further.

Clint, Dunno when this will get to you so happy new year (early or late or on-time). Another year nearly gone, and I’ve spent most of this one here. I just wanna go home. That makes me sound pathetic, doesn’t it? I’m supposed to be a grown man, and grown men don’t whine about having to do a job… I still stand by it, though: I wanna go home. Too much heat and sand here. At least NY has Coney Island.

In your last letter, you said you had a business trip to go on. Was it to Sweden? I saw on the news that an expo got bombed. I hope you weren’t there. Oh, God, I just realised you could have been there, and I might be writing a letter to a dead guy. I really hope you’re not dead or this would feel so creepy. You could be dead, and I’d never know… If you don’t respond within the next two weeks, I’ll assume you’re dead and mourn appropriately. Anyway, here’s hoping you aren’t dead. Because I kinda like talking to you.

How’s Lucky doing? Thanks for the picture of him. It was nice. I was surprised to see a quiver on his back—how did you manage to get him to sit still long enough for you to put it on? And was that Kate with him? What is she, 10?

Better go. Some idiots are fighting, and Steve looks like he’s about to knock their heads together. Stay out of trouble. Sarge.

Clint smiles down at the letter before shaking his head. He rereads the lines about Sweden, and something tightens in his chest. Not fear, not panic. It’s too warm for that. It’s surprise. Someone he’s never met cares that he’s alive. Maybe it’s because Sarge feels sorry for you. He shakes the thought away. He has a feeling Sarge wouldn’t pretend to like him for so long. He wouldn’t still be writing letters to Clint after four months if he didn’t want to. Doctor Brayden has said Clint needs to trust people more—especially those he lets in his life and wants to keep there. He may not always agree with her methods, but this is one time he’s going to listen to her advice.

Sarge, Happy new year to you, too. Hopefully this year doesn’t suck so bad and that you can go home. Nah, doesn’t sound pathetic. I always wanna go home the second I step foot outside, so I guess it would be a lot worse for you. It’s not a guess, actually. I know it is. I’ve been in the position of having a job to do but all you want to do is go home to what you know. You’re tired of standing still waiting for SOMETHING and you miss your bed and friends and family and if you’re lucky, your girlfriend. So I get it.

Yeah, I was in Sweden, but I’m not dead. This letter is proof of that. Unless you think it’s one of my friends writing this in my stead because I AM dead, but I have to tell ya: the few friends I have wouldn’t bother doing that. Well, Nat might. But her letter would say “Clint’s dead because he’s an absolute idiot. Pay your respects by drinking copious amounts of beer, eat your weight in pizza, and watch a marathon of Dog Cops. Or don’t. He’s dead, who cares what you do?” My client isn’t dead, either. Which is good or I wouldn’t have a job and then how would I take care of Lucky?? Poor guy would be left all alone. Actually, I guess he’d have Kate. She’d take good care of him.

I kinda like talking to you, too. Makes me feel kinda normal even though who the Hell has pen-pals these days???

Lucky is doing fine. Happy to eat pizza and run around the dog park until he can barely move. He’s an idiot, but aren’t we all in the end. Yeah, that was Kate. I won’t tell her you said she was 10. She might kill ME for that, even though you’re the one who said it. She’s a perfectly normal seventeen year old, and she would resent the implications that she isn’t.

Hope Steve didn’t hurt the idiots too bad. Clint.

PS. I always stay out of trouble. You should do the same.

The nightmares are still here. The memories still grip him tight and hold him prisoner to his own mind. There’s too much warring in his head, too much blood and pain and loss and carnage. Though it isn’t nearly as bad as before, as everything was without therapy, Clint spends the next two weeks fighting against his own brain. He can hide the truth during the day, despite his insistence on newly-established routines, but at night, when it’s just him and Lucky, it isn’t as easy. He manages.

Things come to a head, as they always do.

“Man, I still can’t believe he did that,” one suit-clad guard says as he washes his hands at the sink. “I mean, who forces Tony Stark from an expo like that?”

His companion shrugs and reaches for a towel. “If he hadn’t, Stark would be dead. And Potts, and that would have been a waste.”

“Still. I’m just glad we don’t have to work with him all the time. Can you imagine working with someone who’s such a paranoid basketcase? Where did they even find him?”

Clint swallows down the bile—the words that clamor to escape his lips—and turns on his heel, exiting the lavish bathroom without a sound. He slips back into the crowd, searching for Tony or Pepper. He finds her standing at the bar talking to another woman with a bouffant and too red lipstick. Her gown costs more than Clint’s rent, he’s sure of it. Then again, so does Pepper’s, and when did he start associating with people who could buy an island a dozen times over? Oh. Right. When Coulson decided Stark Industries was the best place for Clint after the Disaster.

Despite the alarms in his brain, Clint stays a few feet away. He’s in distance in case something goes wrong, but he isn’t imposing. He isn’t sure what to do. Has he been going overboard on his duties since Sweden? Clint swallows thickly and clasps his hands together in front of him. It’s going to be a long night, he thinks and rolls his eyes when Tony approaches, effortlessly stealing Pepper’s attention from Red Lips. Clint stands in place as the duo breeze through the steps, dominating the dance floor. Happy catches his eye from near the doors and gives Clint the barest hint of a brow raise. Clint shakes his head minutely in response.

What can he even say? Things are fine. They’re great. He just has to ignore the instincts, the voice in his head, that saved them three weeks ago.

Clint’s hand fumbles for the buzzing device on his nightstand, bringing it to his ear without looking at the screen. “M’off today, Stark, so go play by y’rself.”

“Not Stark,” a familiar voice says, and despite his fatigue, Clint can hear the laughter in Coulson’s voice. “Sit rep, Barton.”

“What? Dude, it’s—” Clint pulls his phone away from his ear and groans when his blurry vision clears enough to see the digits in the top corner. “It’s only six in the morning, sir.”

“I understand that, but you’ve gone through something traumatic—”

“Seems to be par for the course, sir,” Clint snaps, pushing himself to sit up. Lucky whines by the door.

“Barton. Don’t make me ask again.”

“You’re not my boss anymore. You can’t order me to do paperwork now.”

And the thought fills Clint with something unidentifiable. He misses working with Coulson and Nat. He even misses the paperwork he had to do and redo and redo until it met Coulson’s approval. Clint has always had the feeling that both Coulson and Natasha took pity on him and finally did the paperwork for him. It wouldn’t surprise him, really. He’s hopeless with filling out forms.

But he has to admit working for SI has been beneficial in ways he never expected. He wonders if Coulson knew the change that would come about from it. Clint knows for sure that no one expected him to ever end up with a dog. Having a living thing relying on him was too much responsibility before. Now. . . Now it feels almost right.

“I don’t have the time to deal with you being obstinate, Barton, so please make this easier on us all.”

“You want a sit rep? Fine.” Clint slides out of bed and shoves his feet into a pair of beat-up sandals he will deny owning. “I go to work, I come home. I just had another fucking building blow up on me, so that was fun, but I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong, and fuck whoever told you there was.”

“No one told me something was wrong, Clint.”

Clint huffs out an unamused laugh, one lacking any warmth or humour. “Don’t use my name when you’re gonna lie to me, Coulson.”

He hangs up and tosses his phone onto the bed. It immediately starts vibrating across the mussed blankets, but Clint clicks his tongue and leads Lucky from the room. Coulson will worry—God, will that man worry even if he doesn’t show it outwardly. Clint knows this, he just doesn’t care right now. He wants to continue pretending he truly is fine. The more he fakes it, the easier it becomes, and that means it’ll be truth soon enough. Right?

Clint makes the mistake of grabbing his phone while the coffee brews fifteen minutes later, and the notification sends his heart into overdrive: What’s going on?

He could lie so easily. However, lying to Natasha always ends poorly for everyone involved. She may be the master, but she loathes others lying to her. She only accepts Fury’s lies because they amuse her. Clint sighs, stares at the screen, then turns to Lucky. The dog looks up before lying back down, sprawled across the kitchen floor. Finally, Clint taps out a response. It’s too honest for his liking. He explains his new routines—the need for Tony to sound off, the need to examine everything for any sort of danger. The visceral fear that someone is going to bomb or shoot up SI, and Clint will have failed for a third time.

Do u think im going overboard?, he texts with a tightness in his throat.

She doesn’t respond, though Clint is well aware that she’s read the text. Nat is good like that. She can be in the middle of an op and still find time to check her messages without missing a beat. She’s just smart enough to not let Coulson know. But time stretches on with no reply. He blows out a breath and nods to himself. He’s definitely going overboard. The security guards at the charity gala were right. He’s a paranoid nut-case who needs so much help, no amount of therapy will touch it.

Lucky huffs three hours later, scrambling to his feet, and skids across the living room to the door. Barking, he bounces around and stares back at Clint, tongue lolling as if to say ‘Well, come on! We have a new friend waiting!’ Clint, for his part, couldn’t care less. All he wants to do is go back to sleep with a mindless reality TV show on. But the visit knocks again, harder this time. Clint sighs, shoves to his feet, and wraps his blankets around his shoulders. Minute shivers take over his body once he’s upright; the blanket gapes open in the front, so he tucks a hand down to tightly grip it closed.

“This better be important,” he snaps as he yanks open the door.

Tony Stark stands just on the other side of the door, and he blinks owlishly at the dog currently alternating between sniffing his shoes and trying to jump the length of his body. Finally, he clears his throat and hands Clint one of the to-go cups of coffee he carries. Clint yelps when Tony breezes past and into the flat.

“This is important, as marked by the fact I am up and out of my workshop at ten in the morning, so keep up, Barton. I won’t repeat myself. Oh, my God, you live here? Don’t we pay you enough?”

“You pay me just fine, Tony. I just like this shit-hole.”

Tony stares at Clint with narrowed eyes then shrugs, slurping noisily at his own coffee. “Anyway. I’m awake and gallivanting around the city for you, so yes, it’s important. So I suggest you listen. You got your listening ears on?”

“What am I, in kindergarten?”

“Yes. I want—no, I need you to be confident. Don’t second-guess yourself, don’t overthink shit. Trust yourself, trust your instincts and abilities. Because, Barton? I like being alive. You fucking up by doubting yourself could have disastrous results that end up with the world losing my absolute brilliance. So ignore what everyone else says and do your job the way you know you can.”

“Who—?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Tony speaks over Clint and waves a hand in the air. Unfortunately, it’s the hand holding his coffee; liquid splashes from the gap in the lid, and he curses almost cheerfully before licking the coffee from his skin. “If I haven’t gotten on your ass about how you’ve been, why the Hell do you think anyone else should matter? Hint: They don’t. Only I do. And Pepper. She matters more than I do, but don’t tell her I said that. Actually, go ahead. She deserves to hear it.”

“How did you know?” Clint mutters, finally taking a sip of his own drink.

Tony sighs. “I asked Pepper who asked Agent Agent. He worked his magic. Now I’m here making peace with the fact that one of my favourite people lives in such a dump willingly, which makes me question his taste in, well, anything. Seriously, Barton, do you do this to spite your mom?”

“Hard to spite someone who’s dead.”

It’s meant to be flippant, but Tony falls silent in an instant. His jaw works, then he finally squeaks out an apology. Clint shrugs. There’s nothing to Tony to be sorry for. Edith died a lifetime ago, and Clint’s come to terms with that. He’s come to terms with a lot of things in his life, most of it not great. Like the fact he tries too hard to be a perfect guard, to keep Tony and Pepper safe from everything despite there being no real danger.

But now here’s Tony telling him to get a grip and do what he needs to be confident in himself. Clint can do that. He thinks.

“I’m one of your favourites?” he asks instead of telling Tony how much his words mean.

Tony squawks out a protest, but it goes unheard under Clint’s laughter. Eyes fluttering closed, Tony sighs and slumps where he stands, and Clint keeps laughing. And damn, does it feel nice.

[astudyinfreewill]

hey this may be a stupid question, but it's already been a long time since ive read trk so i don't remember everything properly, so can you explain to me why exactly ganseys behavior in the book is seen as problematic??

hey! don’t worry, there are no stupid questions in my book. in fairness, it’s not about gansey’s behaviour in trk, it’s about his behaviour throughout the whole series. most of his problematic actions all come down to the same basic flaw: self-centeredness. for all that gansey is a generous and loving person, he can’t help but make everything about himself. he is driven by anxiety to define his place in the world beyond his privilege, yet he is blinded by that very same privilege - a bad combination, and one that leads him to show very little empathy for the people he loves.

like many teenagers, he’s looking for affirmation from his friends... but then resents them for not giving it, while failing to see that (most of) his friends are dealing with traumatic issues. when his friends reject his input - because it is not what they need or want at the moment - gansey always, always takes it personally. at no point does he try to ask himself, okay, if this isn’t what my friends need, then what do they need from me and how can i be a better friend? instead, he goes straight into self-pity mode, complaining that his friends reject his support and walk away from him. thing is... it’s not real support if it only makes him feel better and not them.

i don’t really have the time to write an extensive meta on all of the interactions where gansey’s lack of empathy comes into play, but here’s a list of just the most glaring ones in the series, in no particular order:

gansey consistently tries to pay for adam’s way and persuade him to move in with him, even though adam has told him multiple times that he is uncomfortable with it because independence is key to his sense of self as an abuse survivor. sometimes he does this even when he’s fully aware that it will start a fight. despite that, adam is usually the one apologizing, at least on page

notably in trb there’s a scene where gansey tries to get adam to move in with him, but when adam asks what’s going to happen if gansey leaves henrietta - is adam just supposed to drop out of aglionby and follow him? - gansey doesn’t reassure him that’s not gonna happen. he just says adam will have to start again at a new school. 

as i said above, this is not true support because it helps gansey feel better without inconveniencing him, but it is not what adam wants. if gansey wanted to support adam, he’d at least promise he would stay in henrietta for their final year of high school, instead of expecting adam to follow him around the world.

when adam rejects that offer and says he’ll stay in the trailer park, gansey takes it incredibly personally and his first response is to victim-blame adam for his abuse, saying things like: “you let your dad pound the shit out of you. you’re as bad as [your abusive mother]. you think you deserve it.” when adam still refuses to move in, and tells him, rightfully so, that gansey doesn’t know what it’s like for him, gansey follows that up with “don’t pretend you have anything to be proud of”. this is past mean and straight into cruel.

adam is the one who apologizes after this fight. let that sink in.

when thinking back on ronan’s suicide attempt, it is strongly implied in the text - and was made explicit in deleted scenes - that gansey appears to have taken ronan’s suicide attempt not just as a traumatic event, but as a slight against him, and is always vaguely guilt-trippy when it comes up (i.e. you promised me you wouldn’t get suicidal again)

gansey does illegal things on ronan’s behalf, multiple times, without ever wondering if this is what ronan wants, see: bribing school officials to keep ronan in school when ronan explicitly wants to drop out, because staying in school is what gansey thinks he should do. even if gansey’s heart was in the right place (i believe in staying in school), he is essentially involving ronan in illegal dealings against his will.

gansey is happy to share his search for glendower with the others, and delegate tasks to them (adam especially) as long as they do things his way. when adam acts against one of his decisions, gansey is absolutely unable to let that go. and while i understand that he is hurt by the breach of trust, because adam went behind his back, his language is telling: “i did tell him that we were to wait, right?”. you don’t “tell” your friends what they “are to do”. that’s not an equal relationship. 

this is also seen in the way gansey acts with ronan in more of a parental role, actively ordering him about. you know there is a problem when an outside character refers to ronan as “gansey’s dog” and neither gansey nor ronan disagree with this.

there’s the infamous hospital scene in trb, too, which has been excellently analysed in this meta post by @bleachersmp3 and @mericatblackwood, but i’ll say a few words about it anyway

in this scene, adam has just been beaten into losing his hearing. he has just come out of the hospital, bruised and traumatised, and has been told he will now have a permanent disability as a result of his abuse. he is now also homeless, because by pressing charges against his father to protect ronan, he has ensured his parents will kick him out for good. so he is forced to move into monmouth - something we have been told from the start of the book he absolutely did not want, because it was critical to his sense of self not to depend on gansey’s wealth. so, he’s bitter about it.

and okay, that’s not entirely fair, because it wasn’t gansey’s fault. but if your friend had just undergone such horrific trauma, surely you would be a little lenient, and understand they’re not being objective atm, right? well, not gansey. instead, gansey launches into a tirade at him: “what is your problem, adam? [...] is there something about my place that’s too repugnant for you? [...] I’m sick of tiptoeing around your principles!”

when adam snaps at him that he’s being condescending by using highbrow words (we can assume that this is a discussion they’ve had before, because adam tries to get gansey to use more everyday words multiple times in the book, especially when it’s clear that blue doesn’t understand something, so it’s something gansey already know adam finds condescending), gansey goes straight to victim-blaming again, this time with a classist twist thrown in: “i’m sorry your father never taught you the meaning of repugnant. he was too busy smashing your head against the wall of your trailer while you apologized for being alive.”

gansey does not apologize at any point after this fight. 

when adam sacrifices himself to cabeswater - which he does explicitly to stop whelk from murdering one of them and save gansey - gansey takes it as a slight against him, because it goes against what he told adam to do, and sadly asks adam “why? was i so awful?”, showing he has completely misunderstood adam’s reasons. adam tells him, and not for the last time: “it was never about you”.

it clearly doesn’t sink in bc they have the same discussion in the dream thieves, when gansey again asks him why did he go to cabeswater against his orders. he does this in an emotionally manipulative way, too - implying that ronan and blue both think badly of him while gansey has been defending him so adam owes him. adam again tries to tell him “it wasn’t about you”, which gansey refuses to believe, and reminds adam that the glendower search “belongs” to him. adam replies that if gansey wants adam’s help - which gansey relies upon frequently, as it seems like adam is assigned a very large share of research and coming up with ideas - he needs to treat him as an equal

after the fight, when adam has a mental breakdown due to the combination of stress, ptsd, and magically-induced hallucinations, and is found wandering along a highway, clearly dissociating and undergoing amnesia, gansey is still so bitter about their fight that he contemplates leaving him behind in dc, so that “adam will have to apologize for once” (for once???)

consider all this emphasis gansey puts on how much adam betrayed his trust; consider that gansey then spends nearly two books seeing blue behind adam’s back (starting in tdt, through bllb, and halfway through trk)

consider that despite the fact adam takes the reveal gracefully and thanks gansey for his honesty, when adam later in trk is honest with gansey about his feelings for ronan, gansey’s immediate reaction is to assume adam is using ronan as a sexuality experiment and warns him not to break ronan’s heart, because ronan is just so fragile and adam is just so cold

consider that the only basis gansey has for making this assumption is that “adam has hurt him (gansey) so many times before”, but never stops to think about his own responsibility in their disagreements, or whether he ever hurt adam 

as you can see, the vast majority of these are in the first two books, with the exception of the “shovel talk” in trk. i would like to say gansey grows over the series, but i think unfortunately it’s more to do with the fact that starting with bllb, the plot is split between gansey/blue and adam/ronan, so gansey just doesn’t get as many interactions with adam and ronan (he’s still bribing school officials on ronan’s behalf though, including selling monmouth which at the time is where ronan is also living). 

gansey isn’t a bad person, and doesn’t (always) mean badly. he does love his friends. unfortunately, his refusal to see things from anyone’s perspective but his own makes him a toxic friend on a great number of occasions.