#does anyone know how the game chooses your avatar's gender?? does it know who i am??

[silvermeww]

things that are short term that i'm not into:

stomach hurty. it does not like this stupid mocha

less than 30 mins til next class

it's bio. it's going to suck

and i JUST finished that annoying lab report that makes no sense whatsoever (i hate bacteria so much. why. i also hate evolution, which one of my professors pronounces it as eeveelution and i had to stop myself from laughing)

in the library there is a massive bug flying around

i've been stuck here since 7:30

i only slept for 5 hours

okay i've already finished the class at this point and dang my stomach feels worse. what did i drink, knock-off mocha?? poison?? i never felt this bad drinking something in a long, long while (if ever)

never trust cafes in uni again. back to the vending machine rip

much more interesting things about pokemon that i'm going though:

after trying out pokerogue a week or so ago, i'm somehow more than halfway the whole thing. for my first pokemon-adjacent game (well, more fanmade than anything), i'm doing decently well. yeah i cheat by restarting before i die but i'm pretty sure everyone does at this point lol.

it's actually interesting that most of my opponents (as gym leaders/bad guys) are unova/kalos respectively. where is my character and why are they inbetween these two regions??

it's so much more funnier when you know that at least half my team is weak to fire. i don't know how they're surviving. team flare keeps bringing out fire types and i hate that my first gym leader was chili aka his monkey that knows incinerate. + i 'basically' died so many times to xerosic aka one (out of TWO??) of his vilillon know hurricane that somehow smashs my team and one (again out of two) of his malamar knows superpower = all but two of my team is hella weak to that move.

even more funnier that i keep oneshotting wild pokemon that i want to get. talonflame? mimikyu (which always survives the first attack but dies in the next no matter what i do)? that stupid manetric (that i found twice at least??) that oneshots ME if i give it a chance and try to catch it when it has like 5 hp left?

i feel like the game knows what xy does to me because right after surviving another flare grunt i face LYSANDRE?? of all people?? i was so lucky that i healed them all up as much as my saved up money would allow bc hrngg i hate that 7 foot man. so many deaths between him and xerosic. hate this french guys fr (the scientist is still the worst though. all he does is reinforce my fear of vilillon and malamar)

i love how i managed to sweep a whole area with my magnezone. it was a fairy cave with a bunch of fairy + water types. flash cannon + zap cannon go brr

talking about magnezone, i keep forgetting that discharge will mess up anyone else on my team in a double battle (kept killing my poor squawkabilly whose a beast with aerial ace but sucks in defence + weavile who is weak to say too many things to be alive rn and yet still tanks with triple axel and rock smash). kind of the same issue as my previous ace rillaboom, who fell from his pedestal due to wood hammer and its stupid recoil damage (i replaced it dw but he’s still very behind compared to the rest of my team). this game is really teaching me about how moves work and their viability in games as opposed to anime

im pretty sure that fairy cave took me to johto cause all of a sudden i got pryce. why?? and his mr ryme (which is female?? also wow hello gen 8 with my gen 2 gym leader) knows double kick aka i'm DEAD pls

anyways weavile carries my team along with magnezone, squawkabilly is largely backup if i'm stuck with fighting types (plus any pesky grass and bug), my comfort furret that used to be my real comfort sentret hold sucker punch and echoed voice just in case but is really just There lol, persian i used to really rely on when it had fake out + feint but power gem is super useful (and i hold hope that i can use pay day in excess in the future), and rillaboom has knock off (used to be really useful) and is mostly there to smash through water types. i did not choose this team, this team chose me at this point heh

honestly not doing this for competitive stuff so i don't have any qualms about refreshing the page before the game puts me at the start again, but where does everyone get their legendaries?? and how on earth did i oneshot my rival's shiny rayquaza with triple axel HELP

all in all, pretty good progress. rn around 160?? middle of nowhere. giving me major mezase vibes with the fact that i have no idea where i am. my rival is confounded as i am about oneshotting his recent team with weavil, only my bird is female, and somehow all of those fire-type moves and pokemon are just gone. and i never knew how awesome sturdy can be until my magenezone is just,, living after an earthquake. with 1 hp. and oneshots that abomasnow afterwards with flash cannon. anyways everyone should give them so much love especially since i raised it from a wee magnemite with, like, thunderwave or smth. it literally only had status moves at the start.

also how come all of my rare eggs are just starters?? in the game where all starters are already avaliable from the start?? + one shiny sneasel but AFTER i already have my main one. btw does anyone care for 3 torchics lol

[cornfarm]

summertime cicadas

saiki kusuo x reader

word count: 1.6k

synopsis: you go to saiki’s place to play some video games. saiki learns a bit about your dirty laundry.

cw: suggestions of past sexual abuse. it’s not explicitly stated but it’s heavily implied.

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

reader is gender neutral!

===================================================

notes:

i’ve had this sitting in my drafts for a few weeks now, but i was never happy with it.

it’s implied that you and saiki are in week 2-4 of dating;;;

i have some other stuff in the works but im tired so notes r boring today

enjoy waaaaaa

===================================================

When Saiki and you were left alone together, the tension that hung in the air was fun and playful. Coy glances, the heart jittering brushes of skin, and the almost knowing smiles you two would shoot each other. This time around, it was heavy, and it weighed hefty on both your shoulders.

It was your first time over at his place since you had begun dating.

You had texted him: can i come over? i bought a new game i wanna play it with u

He was very happy you decided to make the first move, he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. 

Immediately, the “devlivered” at the corner of your text changed to “read”. He hastily typed back: Sure, let me know when you’re here. My parents aren’t home.

You saw letters on your screen, but you squinted your eyes shut upon them entering your field of vision. You had thrown your phone across the room, too nervous to look at his response. Tentatively picking it up, your heart nearly exploded at his words. You quickly respond: okay! be there soon :)

Saiki suddenly felt a bit on edge, realization finally striking him that you were about to be in his presence. In his bedroom. Alone. 

Saiki Kusuo never really felt things too intensely, so to feel it strike at his heart and stomach was almost a bit too much for his liking. 

Saiki wound up sitting patiently at the dining room table, using his telekensis to pick things up, rearrange ornaments and fine china, and clean up trash. The last thing he wants is you coming over when the place is a mess.

The doorbell rang, not that he needed it to know you were here. Beckoning you in, you pull out a small disc box from your bag. 

“I heard really good reviews from it. I was interested in it since I liked the art style but I wanted to wait until people played it and reviews came out before I committed.”

He takes it from your hands to inspect it, “I’m not super interested in recent games, I like older ones a bit more. Indie ones too. I’ve heard that the gameplay is really compelling.”

“That’s okay, we can still play together, right?” You almost look a bit nervous. Saiki gnawed at the inside of his lip.

“Sure,” you don’t look satisfied, “I don’t mind, doing things with you is nice.”

The content expression on your face satisfies him. You follow him upstairs.

Then the tension settles. You’re so close, the pleasant floral scent from your detergent lingering where you walk. He peers behind you as you take in his room: simple, clean, minimalistic. It’s painfully in character. You smile, flopping face down on his bed.

“I’ve only ever been here with everyone else, it was so lively then, but it’s so different when it’s quiet!” You situate yourself so you’re sitting at the edge of his bed, legs dangling off the side.

“It’s the same room.”

“Yeah but, now it’s just me and you.”

“I suppose so.”

You watch as he peers to the wall, a bit away from you.

“What, you’re not nervous are you? Do I make you, THE Saiki Kusuo nervous?”

He clicks his tongue, and begins stalking towards you. He stops right in front of you, shins nearly touching the mattress of his bed. He looks down, expression deadpanned like usual. Perhaps thats precisely why you got so flustered. Your hands coming to clasp politely in your lap, you look up at him, determined to hold eye contact.

“Mhm,” he smirks, “you do. What will you do about it?”

He watches as your lips part into a small ‘o’, before you turn your head down and begin to pout. He’ll spare you this time. The small proximity between you settles in; he should get out of here, nervousness is finally catching up, it’s a bit too much for him to handle. For such a cocky one-liner, he really can’t keep it together. He exits his room for a moment with a brief “wait here”.

He hears you let out a sigh down the hall. Taking the chance to inspect his belongings, you peer under his bed, nothing suspicious there, before making your way to his desk. There’s his computer, a nice leather desk chair, a lamp, and a small empty mug that holds pens, pencils, and highlighters. You thumb through them.

He re-enters his room, quietly opening the door, but just enough so where you hear. Outstreching his arm, he hands you a bottle of iced tea.

“This is,” inspecting the label, “you don’t usually drink these, right?”

Saiki stays quiet.

“So you got it for me? You remembered I liked it?” 

He nods.

You beam at him, mutter your gratitude, and pull out the games box.

Placing the disc onto the disc reader, and pushing it in, you start up the game, and watch the intro animation. 

“Yeah, the graphics are really nice,” he comments.

You adjust yourself, sitting on top a cushion on the floor, he moves a bit closer. 

Skipping though dialog, tutorials, and the first few levels of the game, Saiki controller finally begins responding. 

“I’m sorry, I thought the multiplayer feature would be available from the start.”

“It’s okay, you can pick first”

“Hmm...” you pause, brows furrowing in focus as you look through the different player avatar options. Finally, you turn to him and smile, “this one! Your turn.”

Saiki bites at the inside of his lip, again, moving his thumb over the joystick, he picks his avatar.

It’s nice, it’s quiet, the sound of cicada’s chirping outside his bedroom window, and the soft hum of his fan are gentle. Neither of you are talking about grand things like aspirations and inhibitions, but you didn’t have to. The soft, casual tone of conversation is something Saiki’s making sure to cherish. The game’s fun, Saiki is enjoying himself, he enjoys you. 

But tension still looms heavy overhead. You aren’t the only one who was thinking about it, how close you two were, how your elbows kept bumping, the small,and the way you both tried to get just a millimeter closer.

Saiki knew what you wanted, but he couldn’t pull himself to take initiative. Why? Was nervousness just another curse set out to plague him?

He’s reading your mind, he knows without a doubt you want to, so why is he so nervous to reach out and touch you? He wants to run away.

“Saiki?”

Your voice broke his thoughts, he turns to you. “Are you okay?”

He does it without thinking, slowly placing the controller down and putting his palms on your shoulders. 

“I’m just not used to this,” he finally says, “like, dating and all that.”

You wrap your fingers around his wrists, “that’s okay, I’ve never dated anyone either, we can just take it slow. We have time.” You reassure, “I’m nervous too,” voice smaller than before. He lifts his hands off, hovering them in front of you, debating on where he should put them. Should he put them back on your shoulders, or would that be weird? Maybe it’s okay if he takes your hands into his, but right now your hands are...

His vision finally focuses, and he looks at your hands, defensively positioned in front of your chest with your palms facing him. You’re looking at him with a half smile, but your brows are pursed down. You’re watching him very carefully.

Your thoughts still, pausing until he moves again, taking your hands in his own. He’s confused, why do you look so skittish?

You look visibily confused that he takes your hands. He’s granted one thought:

He’s not gonna do anything, see? He’s just holding my hands, that’s it. He’s not gonna do anything.

Do what? What do you mean? Do what?

“What do you mean?” He blurts out, voice ringing through your head.

Astonishment paints your face. Shit, you didn’t think you said anything out loud. Could he read your mind? He chooses not to say anything.

You shake your arms, he retracts his hands.

“I’ve just had bad experiences with people in the past, I got nervous, that’s all. I’m sorry.”

Oh. Your internal dialog isn’t as pleasant as the words you choose to say. 

“Maybe I’ll tell you about it more in the future,” you still have the strength to smile at him?

He reaches out to touch you again, but never connecting. He hesitates this time, fingers hovering over your forearm. 

“I’m not really interested in that sort of stuff. I wouldn’t do that to you. I won’t do that to you,” he corrects.

With a smile pained with melancholy, you shift yourself forward, wrapping your arms around his torso, burying your face into his shoulder, legs finding their way between his. He wastes no time wrapping his own arms around your back, pressing your chest closer to his own. Your hearts pound against each other, breathing syncing as you both exhale a sigh. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know,” your voice is muffled. 

You stay like that for a few moments. Cicada’s chirping, fan blowing, there’s nothing to say- the silence is comforting in it’s own way.

You finally pull away from him, voice much brighter, “but I’m not ready to kiss you yet, I think my heart would explode!” He flushes red. Adjusting to sit back onto the cushion, you lean your weight onto his side. He tension has finally settled, and Saiki sighs contently. 

Saiki only uses his powers in ways to convinience himself. Fortunately, keeping you safe was more than convinient to him: it was the bare minimum- an absolute necessity. 

As soon as you leave, he’ll find the bastards that did it. 

[discoveringsandra]

Journal entry #29

I like videogames with character customisation. Sometimes, when I just want to start playing it feels kind of annoying, because I do want to pay attention to the character I'm making but I also bunt to do some gameplay. This is specially annoying when it's an online game and there's a friend waiting to start to play with me.

For a long time, I tried doing characters who looked like me, which is apparently impossible. Most of my videogame avatars are just generic white dudes with brown hair. Some may be elf dudes or cyborg dudes, but they are always male. I think that I just didn't want anyone to judge me by the characters I play.

On the few occasions I've played a MOBA or a hero shooter, I would always try to balance using characters of different genders until I was sure people picked them for their abilities. Nowadays, I try to have my characters wear shiny colors, whatever the genre of the game.

I do have to say that, in single player games with role-play elements, I tend to change the clothes of the character depending depending on the mission or the area I'm at, even if I can't change the character. It hepls with the roleplay aspect.

This takes us to the point of character customization, it helps you get into the game. I don't mean this as criticism against games that don't give you this kind of choices; the devs had a vision they were confident it and decided to keep it for every player to experience. But, if the game does include character customisation, it's so you can make the main character as you want, to get to see yourself in the game, to make the game yours.

Now, what does this mean in my case? How can I see myself in a game if I barely see myself in real life? If I play a female character, is she a better representation of me than my physical, masculine body? How is this different from writing a blog under a female nickname? How is it different than using a manipulated pic for social media in which I look like a girl?

As long as nobody peeks at my screen while I play, I'm still a guy. Even if they do, it's just a game, it's not like I'm actually pretending to be a girl. Of course, I do know I'm not pretending but people seem to be worried by displays of femininity.

My point is, if character customisation is about letting me have the character look how I please, then I don't have to make it look like this body I happen to have. If I can choose, I don't want to play never again as the generic brown haired guy. I've never felt that I had dysphoria from playing this characters but, if I can feel any joy from making a unique character and having it dressed as I want to, I'll just do that.

PS: fuck cosmetic microtransactions, I already have to pay for clothes and makeup irl, I'm not paying real life money for my avatar's clothes.

[fangirl-sansa]

Youtuber MC - Part 2

Summary: Mc and the demon brothers find out they are in a game, they gain the access to watch a YouTuber's (who is MC) gameplay of the game. This basically allows the bros to hear MC’s true thoughts through their gameplay commentary

MC: This MC is based on my gameplay of the game and my thoughts. Although the MC is based on me I will be writing them with gender-neutral pronouns for all readers to enjoy :).  

Warnings: Eventually spoilers

The in-game text will be marked by italics.  

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As onscreen MC wrapped up their video everyone turned to MC who was completely embarrassed. Lucifer, in particular, was staring holes into them sporting his signature condescending smirk.

“I didn’t realize I made such a good first impression with you, MC,” smiled Lucifer

“Let’s just start the next episode please,” exclaimed MC and she took the remote from Levi.

Off-screen MC quickly clicked onto the next video silently praying that no more embarrassing stuff would be said by their counterpart. Everyone grew quiet as the MC onscreen began their introduction and recap of last episode

“Alrighty guys let’s get started on another lesson of ‘Obey Me.’”

As onscreen MC was introduced to the rest of the brothers and given the rundown of her responsibilities she made little to no comments. That was until onscreen Mammon appeared.

Mammon: HEY! Just who do you think you are, human? You’ve got a lotta nerve summoning the Great Mammon! Listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once. If you value your life, then you’ll hand over all of your money now! And anything else of value, too! Otherwise I’ll wipe that stupid, happy-go-lucky look right off of your face...by eatin’ you! Startin’ at your head and working my way down, until

“Woah this dude needs to chill out. He’s gonna eat me? Well, I mean, I know a certain kind of eating I’d let him do,” Onscreen MC winked suggestive at the camera.

Off-screen everyone began giggling again. This time MC wasn’t the only one flustered and embarrassed. Mammon’s face had quickly grown bright red as he muttered something unintelligible under his breath. 

Satan: MC, Mammon here is the Avatar of Greed. He governs and oversees all forms of it. Whenever he takes a liking to someone, they suddenly find themselves awash in money. 

Onscreen Satan began explaining Mammon’s powers when Asmodeus chimed in with:

Asmodeus: And he’s also a masochist. That part’s important. 

Onscreen MC began laughing while saying “I agree, Asmodeus, that is very important.” 

The onscreen brothers began bickering and onscreen MC continued clicking away until the lesson ended

“Alrighty so Mammon is in charge of us for right now and he does not seem very happy about it. Also it appears that Lucifer is like the head of the brothers and is definitely in charge of them. Alright let’s continue on” 

MC returned to the game just as Mammon began showing them around the House of Lamentation.

Mammon: This is the House of Lamentation. It’s one of the dorms here at RAD. Now it’s time I show you to your room..

The pair were quickly interrupted by a demon onscreen MC had yet to see

Levi: How about this? I vote for YOU to die, Mammon.

“Woah who is this guy rocking the purple hair? I dig it,” MC onscreen laughed.

Off-screen Leviathan grew very flustered and quickly glanced at off-screen MC before hiding his face away. 

Levi: Mammon, give me back my money. Then go crawl in a hole and die.

Mammon: Listen, human. You remember my advice from before about what to do when demons attack? Well, you’re about to witness that for real. So...time for you to die, because if it’s either you or me, it ain’t gonna be me!

“Oh my god!  He straight up just ditched me. Wow, I’m offended,” the MC onscreen said. 

“That sounds about right  for Mammon,” said off-screen Satan while everyone else murmured an agreement.

“Oi! I ain’t that bad, I didn’t know MC well then,” defended off-screen Mammon

Levi: Do you realize what just happened? Mammon used you as a sacrifice. I’ll admit that Mammon is one of the scummiest scumbags you’ll ever meet...a total lowlife. But still, that was pretty dumb of you letting him use you like that.

“Wow, goddamn. Why is everyone here so rude,” lamented onscreen MC

Levi and Mammon seemed to take the comment to heart. 

Levi: Are you free right now? Of course you are. You know what? Never mind. Either way, you’re coming with me. 

In the game MC gets dragged off by Leviathan to his room. 

Levi: You want to know why I looked around to see if anyone was watching before I closed the door? Why do you THINK I did it? Imagine what would happen if someone saw me inviting you into my room! A human who doesn’t even look like an otaku, but a normie!” 

“Oh my god! Levi’s an otaku! Yes! I found one of my people. Okay so I have three options I’m choosing ‘Actually, I’m an otaku, too.’ represent brother,” onscreen MC said as they grew very excited. 

Soon Levi began his rave about the Tale Of Seven Lords. He began explaining the characters, their relationships, and various other TSL trivia. 

“Aw Levi is so cute! So obviously TSL is about the brothers, Lord of Corruption is Lucifer, Lord of Fools is Mammon, Lord of Shadows is Levi, and so on. And I assume I’m the Henry of the brothers, that’s some interesting world building there. I wonder if we’ll get some foreshadowing from that. I love him just ranting about things he loves, I feel like Levi and I will be good friends. Now it says I have three options, I’m choosing ‘Right! Screw all the normies! Who needs ‘em?’,”  MC clicked on their choice. 

Yeah, screw them!

“Levi is literally so cute,” MC onscreen exclaimed

“MC, is this really what you thought me? I’m just a yucky otaku, I’m not cute,” asked off-screen Levi. 

He had been very flustered ever since MC had first called him cute. MC reached down and grabbed Levi’s hand giving it a little squeeze.

“Of course I did and still do! I’m your Henry, Levi,” MC said while they smiled down at Levi

“MC, I thought it was interesting the comparison you made of the TSL characters to us brothers,” chimed in Satan.

“Yes, now that you mention it there is quite a strong correlation between the characters and us,” added Lucifer. 

As this was being said Solomon shot Simeon a knowing look and smile which was quickly returned, but went unnoticed by the others. The attention of the room was then shifted as the Onscreen MC began their outro. 

“Okay my lovelies that is all I will be playing for today. So far we’ve met all the brothers, I think except one and we have found a brethren of ours. None other than our fellow Otaku Levi, he is kind of mean to me but I’m sure we can win him over. Also Mammon just straight up ditched me, but it’s fine, whatever. Anyway don’t forget to subscribe, like, and comment, and I will y’all next time. 

-

Hey guys I’ve created a new account just for fanfiction writing, I’ll be posting the rest of there series there so if you want to continue reading go to @fangirl-sansa

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Taglist: 

@midnightmagi

[xesoteric-extraterrestrialx]

I am not suicidal, references

“The never ending story”

I am Midna Saria Zelda

I am Rosalina Daisy Peach

I am (Never finished the game) Namine Kairi

I am thumbalina I am Anastasia

Pocahontas , jasmine , Ariel , venelope , tangled, mulan

Princess’s in both avatars and valarien 1000planets

I am the pink (cartoon) panther Sherlock Holmes

I am flame princess I am marceline I am princess bubblegum (berry princess too) (male opposites too so nyah)

Observers are like inside out emotions

(other beings will be harder to explain, 6th sense, paranorman, dragonfly, (find a movie that shows how we see them too hard to explain) (predator halosuits basically, see little bit of the lining and can tell it’s them and the baseball field one can feel // sense they’re there // see the “invisible” lining, some entities make heat radiation movements when move? Like heat off a car on hot day, the outline of them is easier to see, the glitches and eyes too but idk how to explain...)

(Others come through devices like digimon, time travel room like digimon, girl who lept, summer wars, etc- so we must be online - interweb- connect to astral realm- how to stop them controlling dreams and have lucid ones again- how to connect to multiverse

(Last dream I gave them cereal but why did they put me on a bus... suspicious... They rape me during it too after we passed a snowy street... (learn to wake from them when you realize you’re not in control or change it drastically and don’t allow them access to do so anymore somehow, well get there! They lied about protecting while I sleep.. (healing ones & the one whom says they claim me..) I bubble self somehow, someone protects me from remembering or experiencing full dream- thankful of light beings)

Sugar spice and everything nice = wake up I am the spice girls Ginger - social sporty - masculine scary - dark// used to be sexual posh - used to be judging baby spice (don’t care if anyone doesn’t understand littles) - feminine (but goth darks- pales - pastels)

Raven, Lydia Deetz, Legion, Hana fruits basket, jasper empath abilities can absorb their sadness like Deetz, puzzles like brea, avatar elements, power up, the last mimzy, X-men- abilities)

Mc’s based off Sakura meme and Sleepy Ash character types (bunch more but these two are of age above 21 (find more anime’s like new game kawaii slice of life character like me (kagura is a little, that anime she seems like she morphs chibi but it just express’s how a little is, more laid back and chillen with video games or cartoons compared to more conscious and active when around others, sleepy ash does it too, get all meh and like a chibi mini plushie of themselves- Harley Quinn is a little, jinx LEauge of legends, Shiro, Raven and more, Lucy// Nyuu but more intelligent kind of, find autistic characters too or just explain in this all// trauma like Crona) and older dudes, my hero pro hero’s for ex) // my characters will be 27 & 29)

I am Carrie (world of gumball- she’s eons)

I am the swan princess, peach, nausica studio Ghibli princesses

I am sweet pea(escapism) & baby doll(dissociation), rocket, blondie, amber (5 personas)- sucker punch

I am number four - abilities as well - find 7 or more

Star Wars (still need to watch all) I am probably another character too but I know the first Queen and they used that to use humanity against me but I already wanted them saved so forgot what it said in there but there were no coincidences when they were threatening to slaughter me and tried to kill me in the hospitals(cpep for sure- stole some memory and deja vu of dying there before, they had time wars too because of all info and trying to wed me.. & manipulate but I can’t be mk ultraed like they usually do with gangstalking, safest here since these can’t slaughter me either just collecting spiritual evidence while living here and will move out once afford, trying to help wake them up matrix wise but was told they were slaughtered and reptilians roleplaying as my family, tried to kill me multiple times and try to say go sin and bs but I’m not dumb I need to save all and they’re gross af lmao, like precious so disgusting.. & that movie where the girl did ballet and I connected it to jokers ballet.. both sides are sin spiritually so I will save up for my own place(damsel haha my life.. *repunzel.. tangled.. Cinderella- into the woods- save self and escape like su) and try to heal them from afar, even if they don’t try to heal I can give food and help out financially, won’t be with that soul group or these reptilians next round but can’t die and living for eons (matrix shuts down if I die it felt weird- static numb- pins and needles) since illuminati(organization 13) are trying to get me (namine- kairi) ,) start business in basement of art and my own merch kawaiispooky healing shadow light work and then get place of own, can use rl experiences to write about like I am rn) & princess Leila and probably another like guardians of galaxy I am green skinned pink hair and the empath from second (sister is the blue sister in first) princess in valareian(explains my soul and outside worlds) and mc girl (vessel- makes it easier for others to understand, so many perspectives)

(Gypsy - me) priest - sin religion control (knight - humanity) quaz- new fam members whom feel like him (don’t judge them if they help they’re like super hero’s!) but are positive and good spirited

Use frequencies during sad or bad parts to attract beings whom need to vent or heal from those things and let them vent and express self crying or gratitude, beautiful message of healing and then higher frequencies so beings from higher realms can help guide them through the healing process instead of being trapped by beings whom don’t want to heal, heal and sage out as many as you can help, all need to heal!!! Healing = beautiful strength

(Hunger games situation (I am catniss) (studio Ghibli princess mononoke- attack on titan (walls map)- sword art (tower like transformers) - SU - X-men - MIB - trolls 2 map - children of whales map - Zelda map (need to double check Zelda map) ) (Batman lego movie and lego movie) (twilight zone)

Spice girls - dc super hero girls (Harley Quinn and Barbara) - Charlie angels - kill bill - dogma

Flcl- work station symbolism - dead leaves- panty and stocking - redline

Vessel - Zelda human (Janine, silent, aka timid, tangled, mulan, Cinderella-elf) princess, also the zora princess’s ruto (mipha-another realm- higher realm-Aqua also made reps know they can be healers too when they watched I learned about that- healing- Pocahontas- Anunnaki) deku princess(lower realm- reps-Ravens story -jasmine), Spirit sage saria (3rd earth abilities-nature-ferngully-fae-Persephone-protector of nature-sage) & soul - minda twilight princess (higher realm- Tiamat- space-rosalina-Brave-venelope)

Soul old soul, Spirit new soul, vessel autism

Lonely island - turtle

Eevees

(I don’t trust the chancler- rat race jupiter ascending, dark crystal, Star Wars)

(Empire- cabal - organization-Galactic Fed13(Supposed to be like Star Wars and will be- supposed to be like lilo and stitch and supposed to be like guardians of the galaxy)

(Rebels are 7deadlysins(Pink is 4th) sins but really lazy 6- related to the empire but ones that wants to end sin) (empire doesn’t want eveyone spiritual to have control-7 want to wake all up so all can heal or at least I do, pretty sure the six just want to dom me in the past.. So we are not lust we hate be lusted for and we stand for empathy and justice! We are all multi gender and they make fun of my feminine side (in past and killed me since I didn’t want the business to be the way it was and didn’t want to be morman with them since literally everyone is related to everyone and they’re made I realize that again and that’s why they’re freaking out that I want to be single forever- garnet stronger than you- they are jasper I am Lapris-spinel symbolism is Janines reactions to all of this and how innocent we truly are.. Pink diamond is truly is and our story but backwards so many hate us, we died and grew to realize life’s beauty like in the rose video tape but they grounded us and other races took over- night began to rise teen Titans music story- pink is I- evil wizard made matrix- wake up everyone!!! Don’t be afraid of your spiritual strengths or you’ll be trapped in the matrix eternally!!!!!!) so all have to realize sensitivity and symphony and empathy are strengths not weaknesses!!!)

Dead in real life- matrix is like spotless sunshine- going through her memories deleting and creating new ways that they like- programming I- Janine is the spark of brain-aura lights- all fuse into I janines consciousness and they want to wake me back up and I’ll be alive but only with janines memories.. but I’m princess and choosing to heal all and find solution to heal entire egg - brain remove THIER corruption (33 players made online game to crest ultimate lover) wake up like ghost in shell but Frankenstein or AI as programmed chobit, all humans are like this too in pods like matrix because humanity failed and ai war in past (9, last mimzy, AI, I robot) save nature learn lessons spark everyone’s free will- all brains connected (matrix, online multiplayer but not because organic so it’s really spiritual but to make sense of it it is also AI like computer and video games!! Movies have Easter eggs multiple perspectives, find out whom your soul is and spiritually wake up, everyone will be mocked!) I’m not the only one but at same time here I am if that even makes sense.. (favorite daughter like Ariel aka Jasmine) I may be the only one because I am the chosen one, I am the Universe(Soul).. Mother Gaia(Spirit) but Janine(Vessel//Temple) (not supposed to be a prison nor is the planet, let’s fix it and if the only way is staying alive forever then so be it and let’s heal the whole egg and live together peacefully but please don’t let them turn me into a tool or deceive anyone or force sin I am against sin!) (If not I shall be karma for the lack of empathy and removal of sin in all universes- there’s multiverses) (end result hopefully beach race from valarien but abilities like X-men and peaceful and many races and beautiful nature and growth not trauma-no sin)

[geist-fledermaus]

Get To Know Me!

Since I’ve received quite a few followers here and there, I might as well do this!

What is your full name?: Beryl (Sorry, I don’t like my whole name)

What does your name mean?: It’s a gemstone. 

Are you named after anyone?: My großmütter, Beryl Rae Jensen

Does your name make any interesting anagrams?: Not really?

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?: Fuck if I know. Probably something basic so I’m less easy to find. 

Where are you from?: North Pole, AK (I shit you not)

Where were you born?: North Pole, AK

Where did you grow up?: North Pole, AK

Who did you look up to growing up?: My father.

What are your best characteristics?: I can draw. 

What are your favorite things about yourself?: I can draw. 

Which of your parents are you closest to?: My dad.

Which of your parents are you more like?: My daaaad.

What relative was important to you growing up & why?: Tbh My dad was my super hero, he took care of me and my sister, worked 3 jobs, and took care of mom while she went through cancer. He’s the most important lmfao.

What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents?: I’m Pagan.

What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?: Bert Raymond... 

What is your best physical feature?: Eyes or chest. :/ 

What is your biggest accomplishment?: Being locally recognized as an artist, especially on local TV. 

What is your biggest fear?: Being forgotten, being alone. 

What is your biggest regret?: Not pushing myself even more with art. 

What is your eye color?: Various blues with inner green circles. 

What inspires you?: Other artists. 

What is the most important thing in your life?: My fiance! @boywasgirl

What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?: To not give up. To not quit college and drop everything I’ve worked hard for. 

What is your favorite flower?: Sunflowers!

What is your favorite weather?: Rainy weather and thunder/lightning storms!

Who is your favorite actor?: I have a few, but I love Johnny Depp and Jason Momoa. 

Who is your favorite actress?: F u c k. I adore Emma Stone, Emma Watson.. uhh.. Emilia Clarke! That’s just to name a few. 

Who is your favorite celebrity?: Oh fuck. Idk. 

Who is your favorite musician?: They’re a band but I love Bring Me The Horizon, Oliver Syke’s voice and lyrics hit me hard. 

Who’s your favorite person in the world?: @boywasgirl

Who are your best friends?: @armageddonne @darkdragoonxiii @vixenchildxd69-blog and my bff Alisha! 

What is your favorite childhood memory?: My sister breaking the fucking garage door like a dumbshit. 

What is your favorite color?: Black or seafoam green~ I also love other greens and blues! It’s so damn hard to choose. 

What is your favorite cultural activity?: Uh. Axe throwing? Idk what counts as a cultural activity when it comes to me and my family haha. 

What is your favorite drink?: For waking up, Monster or pomegranate and orange redbull kickers, I love mountain dew, anything with peaches and mango as well. 

What is your favorite fairytale?: HAHA. I looove reading about the Tales of Grimm. I can’t just pick one. 

What is your favorite food?: Pizza or Taco Bell.

What is your favorite holiday destination?: Anywhere but Alaska. I love to explore. I REALLY want to travel to Germany, Norway, Ireland, England, and most of Western Europe. 

What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?: Strawberry Cheesecake or Mint Chocolate

What is your favorite music genre?: Fuck. I have so many. I love a lot of metal subgenres, alternative rock, punk, old 2000′s emo bands, EDM, rap, I don’t even know how to label all of my favorites but there’s a lot to unpack there. If you’re curious just shoot me a question ahaha! 

What is your favorite physical activity?: Swimming!! 

What is your favorite quote?: “Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything, I promise.” - Mitch Lucker, former vocalist of Suicide Silence. 

What is your favorite snack?: Peach Rings, Brightside Skittles.. Uhh. MY MOM’S CLAM DIP AND RUFFLES CHIPS? 

What is your favorite song?: Throne - BMTH or Mis//Understanding - We Came As Romans.

What is your favorite sport?: Swimming, Hockey, Volleyball and Fencing. 

What is your favorite time of the day?: Early afternoons or late nights. 

What is your favorite type of clothing?: Goth/Alt fashion. 

What is your favorite way to pass time?: Gaming or drawing. 

What is the name of your favorite restaurant?: Family Diner (It’s in my town. It’s really chill and laid back.)

What is your all-time favorite town or city? Why?: I really enjoyed Denver, CO. It was filled with really colorful, intriguing personalities. There was so much to explore, everyone was so open and sweet. 

What is your height?: ... 5′2″

What time period would you love to live in?: Viking Era. 

What did you do for fun as a child?: Drawing. 

Who was a role model in your life?: My dad! 

Did you have any childhood pets?: I grew up with 5 cats and 4 dogs! 

When you were young, what did you want to be?: A mortician. 

What family traditions were important to you?: I can’t even remember many.. I loved during gatherings how we’d play Spoons, wrestle, and be reckless though. 

What was your favorite childhood memory?: Ahah! Shenanigans with my “Twin” Kyle. 

What was your favorite childhood possession?: My Gameboy Color! 

What challenges did you experience when you were young?: Almost losing my mother, trying to speak English, being bullied heavily. 

What is a defining moment from your childhood?: My mother coming home from the hospital finally. 

What do you do for fun?: Play video games and draw. I’m pretty boring. 

What are your hobbies?: Drawing, Painting, Digital Art, Gaming, Dancing, Singing.

What is something that you’re really passionate about?: My art.

What is something you could spend hours doing?: Drawing

What is something you wish you did more often?: Draw. 

If you had to watch a documentary, what would you want it to be about?: Anything WW1/WW2 related or Forensics/Serial Killer related. 

What do you always have on in the background?: Lofi Hiphop or random videos on youtube that catch my eye. 

How do you feel about travel?: Fuck yeah, where are we going and for how long? 

What is a guilty pleasure you enjoy?: Fuckin’ watching Serial Killer documentaries. 

How have your interests changed over the years?: Nah, I’m still the same. I’m pretty bland. 

Which sibling are you closest to?: My sister, Erika! 

How close are you with your parents?: Close but not too close.

How has your relationship with your parents changed over the years?: For the worse.

What is one of the most important lessons that you learned from your family?: You cannot trust anyone. Not even your own family. 

When does your family cause you to stress?: All the damn time. All they need to do is send me a text and I immediately begin to dread. 

What does the word family mean to you?: Something that I never got to fully have but I experienced. It’s also something I can create on my own accord. 

When you envision your ideal family, what do you see?: Honestly me with my partner/partners, kids, animals, and friends. 

How vulnerable is your family with each other?: Everyone is always on guard and they’ll be mean if you even show some form of sensitivity. 

What is a family trait that isn’t necessarily the healthiest?: Being a snitch, gaslighting, gatekeeping, misogyny, yelling if you even show an inkling of emotion. I could go on. 

What relatives had the biggest impact on you growing up?: In a negative way, almost all of my family. The only two I really loved growing up were my dad and sister, Erika. 

What do you watch on television?: If it’s cable I go to MTV, Forensic Files, or Adult Swim/Anything with cartoons. 

What is one of your favorite movies?: To Hell And Back, Howl’s Moving Castle, Princess Mononoke, Dracula Untold (For some reason I just really like it, don’t judge). 

If you could have free tickets to any event, what would it be?: A BMTH concert PLEASE. Or anything that’s a EDM/Rave environment. ;_;

What is your favorite form of media?: Youtube tbh. 

What role does music play in your life?: A huge role, BMTH got me through a lot of hard times. 

What is one of your favorite books?: Corey Taylor’s Seven Deadly Sins. It��s a riot of a read and makes me laugh. 

How often do you watch sporting events?: Here and there, especially at bars if they have Hockey going. 

What would your ideal weekend getaway look like?: Road trip to Anchorage and staying at my mom’s cousin’s estate in the mountains. I only got to go there a few times and the view is absolutely captivating. You can see the waters, the city, all the lights.. fuck I’d love to draw that. 

Who are popular figures that you love to learn from?: Fuck if I know LOL. 

What celebrity/musician would you love to meet in real life?: Oliver Sykes and Maria Brink tbh.

If you wrote a memoir about your life, what would it be called?: “Well, That Happened.” A memoir of a dumb bitch LOL. 

What fictional world would you want to travel to for a day?: FUCK. I’d love to just be in a simulation like the girl in Porter Robinson’s music video of Shelter. Just being in a drawing simulation where I can run around and create anything and everything around me. But if we’re talking actual worlds.. I’d probably love to be in Avatar The Last Airbender’s world. I love that series so much. 

What room in your house most represents who you are as a person?: The Office. It’s got art supplies, our gaming PC, all of my schoolwork/homework, the drawing tablets.. 

How clean a person are you?: Tbh I am pretty clean, it’s just cleaning huge messes/unpacking that I hate. 

What is a pet peeve that you have?: STOP CHEWING WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OPEN. 

What behavior do you do that is most likely a pet peeve to others?: Uhh. Idk. Nail biting? Loud laughter? forgetting to turn off lights? Idk. 

What phrase or word do you overuse when you talk?: “I’m so sorry” “I m a g i n e” 

If you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life, what would it be?: Fuck. Hahaaaaa. I’d probably love to just sit and eat at the Family Diner. I love their Reubens. 

What is something about your personality that you like? Don’t like?: I like that people feel comfortable running to me when they need a friend. I don’t like a lot about me, though.

What would your friends be surprised to learn about you?: I am ambidextrous and I know German/Englisch and some French! I want to learn Norwegian even more and Gaelic! 

Where do you see yourself in a few years?: West coast where it’s rainy with those that I love, pursuing my career finally after all these years of hard work. 

Thanks for reading this if you finally made it to the end! If there’s other questions you want to ask, don’t hesitate! ^^ Hopefully you learned something about me! 

[thevanitychariot]

The Chariot: Issue VIII

Original Publication Date: May 24, 2020

Changing Times Require Changing Cultures By: Aramis Giordano Original Publication Date: 25 March 2020

The new year and a new Hollywood administration is ushering in many necessary changes. As we are advancing through the current generation in entertainment, we are highlighting the shortcomings that the previous administration failed to focus on and fix.

Following the 2019 Ross Awards with Vanessa Harding finally taking home the crown, three of the Best Actress winners (River Johnson, Riza Yuki, and Vanessa Harding) shared their experiences of the life post-Ross recognition. River (Omelas) opened up as to how the industry shunned her after being booed out of stage for winning over Keira Kuyama (Your Lie in April) back in 2017. Riza Yuki (Death Note: Zero) also followed the same suit the year after in 2018 for winning over Keira Kuyama (The Town Without Me).

With the public humiliation, River's career took a great hit and unofficially became the face of the silenced and attacked women in the industry. She vocalized transparency and awareness of how the media is shaping the audience's minds and opinions by pitting talented women again each other. Since River's 2017 win, it has became an annual tradition for women to talk about the gender issue prior to awarding Best Actress.

2019 also saw the rise of culturally-important stories, such as Don't Cry for Me Argentina and Things Fall Apart and also provided platforms for South and Southeast Asian women to flourish, such as Samar Chopra (Hotel del Luna), Kiev Harjanti (A Story I Couldn't See), and Anjali Varma (Still Seventeen), yet none of these women and films were recognized for their contributions in the industry.

Three months into his presidency, Emerson Wright has exemplified the importance of diversity, not only in roles, but also in perspectives. He wants to provide a platform on those whose voices are rarely heard with the White-majority Hollywood under Lawrence Harland's administration and the Asian-majority MC-Wylde under Davis Wylde's leadership. Within three months, three movies have been released that showed the range of talent from Middle Eastern and Black actors and directors.

Emerson Wright started his presidency with the release of The Messiah, directed by Walid Abd al-Rahman, showcasing the first main roles given to those of Middle Eastern descent. The second movie focused on the story embodying the complexity of the relationships between the Mexican cartels and the Italian mafia in Zero Zero Zero. The third movie, groundbreaking with being the first movie to present an all-Black cast and director, On Her Own Ground tells the story of the first ever self-made female millionaire.

Emerson also wanted to purge the administration of the blame and blackball culture pushing forth the agenda by having his first movie star Chrystia Allwright as the female lead. Prior to his administration, Chrystia was blackballed after winning Best Actress (The Eureka Moment) in 2015 against the fan-and-industry favorite, Vanessa Harding (1906). For four years, Chrystia was unable to star in any movie role until Cygna Entertainment, a subsidiary of MC-Wylde, provided the opportunity, with her sister Kendra Allwright helming.

As a director himself, Emerson knows how to win both the administration and the crowd by bringing forth the powerful comebacks of classic actors such as Aubree Jones and Clapton Robinson, further sparking excitement within the entertainment industry. As the new president is releasing groundbreaking films, Davis Wylde sits idly and continues to draw in large crowd praising the films highlighting Asian excellence.

So far, he has released four very successful films: Vagabond (Beijing Lee, Meili Wang), Crash Landing on You (Park Jungmin, Joanna Park), Guardian: Great and Lonely God (Rayyan Ong, Malivalaya Leechaiyapornkul), and To the Kingdom of the Gods (Jeong Minhyuk, Joanna Park).

As it's approaching its third year, the Asian Age does not seem to be slowing down. The longest generation so far spanned almost four years (Stagnant Age, April 2013-November 2016); it won't be long until this current generation surpasses it - unless this rapidly-evolving movement caused by the Emerson's changes welcomes in a new revival.

Meet the Visionaries of the Ross Awards Committee By: Aramis Giordano Original Publication Date: 12 April 2020

The corruption scandal that took down the previous administration of Hollywood Studios finally lead to the formation of the Ross Awards committee, formed to independently screen and choose the nominees and winners from this point forward. After four months of deliberating how to build the framework of the new leadership roles, the Ross Committee decided to mirror the current administrations of MC-Wylde and Hollywood Studios. 

Both Davis Wylde and Emerson Wright held debriefings for the past four months to discuss the future of the committee and how it will maintain its lack of bias and independency. The topic of corruption was brought up the most with the fear of repeating what happened in the 2016 Ross Awards in which previous Hollywood Studios Chairman Omar Vanderkoff was accused of falsifying the Best Actress results. 

Davis Wylde and Emerson Wright agreed to establish an official impartial screening tool for the committee administration to use when hiring their staff. It will assess and analyze previous workplaces, experience, education, and connections within the industry. The committee decided to announce that a staff with a history of working with either MC-Wylde or Hollywood Studios would have their applications reviewed with the utmost precaution prior to moving ahead. On April 12, 2020, the official administration that would build the future of the Ross Awards Committee were announced. Hans Neumann would serve as the committee's president, Jolie Laurent as the vice president, and Godfrey Howard as the chief of staff. They request the rest of the year to fill in the empty positions, create new roles, and allow interns and volunteers to collaborate together in preparation for this year's Ross Awards. "People never had anyone to put their blames on whenever they don't like the results of the Awards", Anika host Anika Sunisa begins. "The Ross has always caused the greatest divide within the industry and the general mass audience and we've always pit the candidates against each other as if they're modern-day gladiators". "Hans Neumann is placed in the most dangerous position in the industry for all the arrows and guns will be pointed at him by the time December comes", Vanity Chariot editor Lancer Knight claims. "He will definitely be the most talked about, if not most attacked, president in entertainment history", he finishes. Presidents have never had it easy with the audience, as shown by the very publicized witch hunt that led to Lawrence Harland stepping down the previous year. Hans Neumann should have expected it to be the case prior to accepting the coveted role. "In the case of Emerson", Anika continues the discussion. "He has his reputation preceding him as someone generally well-liked." That was also the case with Lawrence Harland. He has a very over-the-top personality, which was shown in the types of movies he released. Lawrence wanted to create spectacles that would leave legacies for as long as possible; he also focused a lot of his attention on presenting himself as a cult personality, especially with the establishment of Lawrence Harland University. "This is in contrast to Davis and Emerson who want to create films to tell stories that are current and relevant and let time decide its fate". Lancer agrees to Anika's claims. It will definitely be interesting to see how this decision of opening up the Ross committee will affect the future of the awards ceremony and how it will play a role in shaping the entertainment industry. On the other hand, after the announcement comes the abrupt statement that current MC-Wylde Chief of Staff McCormick Hawthorne is stepping down after two years of service. Following the resignation, he disclosed his plans to go back to teaching film history in Lawrence Harland University this upcoming school semester. It was reported that Seema Banerjee will replace him after a long discussion among the three leaders of the company. Davis Wylde also announced the official Chairman of Cygna Entertainment, Manuela Valdiviero. Vanessa Harding unofficially held the position previously and would only do the role during pre-production of the films. The official appointment of Manuela Valdiviero serves as a good sign for a bright and prolific years ahead for Cygna Entertainment.

Emerson Nation is Catching Fire By: Aramis Giordano Original Publication Date: 24 May 2020

Five months into his presidency and Emerson Wright had already taken the entertainment industry by storm. In early May, the Hollywood president announced the upcoming revival of the esteemed The Hunger Games series by releasing a prequel that is being helmed by the master himself, Gary Ross.
 Following the announcement, social media sites exploded with excitement by sharing predictions, posting theories, and hosting watch parties in preparation for the upcoming movie. The fifth The Hunger Games film, titled Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, will center around Coriolanus Snow as the mentor of the District 12 female tribute in the 10th Hunger Games. Filming has commenced with information that Damien Avanda will be portraying the future president of Panem, while Persia Chapman plays alongside him as Lucy Gray Baird, tribute from District 12. "It's the biggest project of my career thus far and we're making sure we do the movie justice," Emerson assured during the press conference held on May 17, 2020. During the same event, he also announced that Hollywood is finally releasing three live adaptions of Avatar: The Last Airbender in collaboration with Davis Wylde. The trailer for the first movie was dropped, which tells the story of the adventures in the first book, with newcomer Chaucer Lim playing the titular character, and Cara Miyazaki, Mishima Kenshi, and Ikeda Marusa portraying the fan-favorites Katara, Sokka, and Zuko respectively. This unprecedented collaboration marks an important event in the entertainment industry's history as both Emerson Wright and Davis Wylde shared their resources in "recreating the masterpiece that is Aang's story". No news have been made regarding the live adaptation of Legend of Korra as of yet. These two colossal announcements gave the current administration the nickname "Emerson Nation", a wordplay based on Avatar: The Last Airbender in which the Fire Nation rapidly takes over the world.

[tinybarracuda]

Raw.

I have always written about love and said I’ve known all its forms; maybe it’s true, but there’s still a kind of love I’m still learning to embrace, learning to write about, learning to tell the world about. 

Today I’m writing my heart out, no more hiding, no more excuses. A lot of you have already known this part of me, but you’ve never seen me write about it; because to be honest, I can’t write about it too. I’ve spent my whole life telling myself to stop before it goes out of hand - before I could even make a good sentence out of it - and that I could never share this to the world. 

Today I will tell you a story of love and how I’m still learning to let it run free with me. I will tell you the story I kept too close to my heart, the story I’ve always been so afraid of putting into words.

I was five years old when I had my first crush. It was this boy who had pretty eyes and didn't talk much and was gentle with how he smiles. I was young and there were pretty girls too, some very smart and some really friendly; but I'm not allowed to like them, right? I'm a girl, and that where I should draw the line. It was around that time as well when I became obsessed with short skirts and high ponytails and hair accessories. It was the year 2007, I had a massive collection of "feminine" clothing, because the way I dressed myself was supposed to justify the identity I was assigned with. I dressed in that manner, because these were all I had, and because I was raised to love them. I turned eight and I started playing games online; those dress-up games and even the ones where you could dress your avatar up. I've always picked the female character, always picked the one with a ponytail or the one in a dress, or the pink colored monster or pet. There came a point where I stopped choosing them. Maybe I’ve played too many games, but was I getting bored? Or did I realise something else entirely? Choosing the “feminine” character was supposed to feel comforting. It was supposed to make me feel like I have something to identify myself with. But it didn’t feel like that. It always felt more like an automatic response and not more of how I really wanted to identify. I found myself asking, why isn't there anyone in between? But I never asked it out loud, I knew it’s a silly thought. So I shrugged it off, because in what world does "in-between" exist? Little did I know that the moment I started looking for it, was the moment that I was in it.  I was eight years old too, when a girl went up on stage wearing a pretty blue dress and I had my eyes fixated on her for the whole show. She was about my age, or a year older than me, I couldn’t remember, but all I know is that she was pretty, even prettier in that blue dress. I didn't understand, but it felt the same way I had with the boy I liked when I was five. It must have been a mistake, of course, it had to be. I'm not allowed to like a girl too! The next morning I got up and realised that this had to stop, or else God won't listen to me in my prayers anymore. 

or so I thought. It went on, and through the years I've continued to ask myself the same question, "does in-between exist?". I remember feeling a little pit in my stomach every time I had to choose my avatar for a game: by nature I am supposed to choose the girl, right? But something about always choosing to be a girl made me feel so disconnected from the whole girl thing. I was okay being a girl, but something about it feels so incomplete and out of place. 

I was still yearning for that “in-between”. I turned ten and I ditched my skirts and found myself asking for caps and shorts i was more comfortable with wearing. But then again, I've learned how to stop asking for too much of those. Because i'm not supposed to ask for things that aren't assigned to me, and I didn’t want them to think of me as a mistake. and i'm not supposed to like people who have no possibility of liking me back. I turned eleven and I had long hair and purple backpacks. I kept my hair long and kept my possessions as "feminine" as possible. I tried to drown out my thoughts by forcing myself to think that I am a girl and I have no right to look for anything in between. But I was eleven too when my best friend brought a slambook to school. It was one of a kind though, because as I was dreading yet another pit it my stomach for when it starts to ask how i identify, I found more than two options. for the first time in my life, I felt seen. I quietly scanned the options and contemplated on whether or not should I leave my identity behind, and then i saw it: "Halaman" and I knew I'd choose that. I found a place where in-between existed, in that small slambook with the rest of my names’ friends in it, and i finally felt at peace, even if I still had to put on a show that I was born to identify as something else entirely, I knew that such place existed, and that was all I had needed. I was twelve when I had my first love, and thirteen when I had my first heartbreak. He was funny and kind and he said liked me too, so by that time I thought, maybe that girl in a blue dress from 2010 was just a phase?When we fell apart, it was the time I started to write about love, about pain, about everything in between. 

And then suddenly, I thought my little “in-between” thing doesn’t matter anymore, because I thought this is the only kind of love I’m capable of, nothing else.

But I was wrong. I was fourteen when my mom and I impulsively went out to the salon one night and came back home with ten inches of hair less. I got my first ever pixie cut and boy did I feel so, free. Like all the doubt went away and I physically found the “in-between” I’ve longed for since I was eight. Six years of doubt and all it took was thirty minutes on a chair in front of a mirror, a pair of scissors and a few minutes of blow-drying. 

I received a lot of praise for being brave, people started seeing me for who I was without me uttering a word, but what struck me the most was how I was so comfortable with having two opposite pronouns thrown at me. I was okay with being called she, and with he on a few jokes and a few occasions. I was living my in between. I felt free, but that is just half the problem. 

I was fourteen too when I started falling in love again, still with people who identify as a ‘he’. I was attracted to boys with beautiful voices or beautiful faces and all my friends knew. 

But I remember sitting with my friends at lunch when I suddenly asked one of them, “What if I liked girls, too?”. I don’t remember why I asked, but I remember how she stalled for moment upon hearing my words. I remember how her eyes lit up and asked, “Who is it?” with a smile on her face. I remember smiling back and shrugging it off. Not knowing exactly what to answer, but definitely not wanting to talk about it further. 

I was fifteen when someone told me God doesn’t like it when people fall in love with someone of the same sex, and that it’s a sin to change genders. I was fifteen when I started crying in the middle of the night asking God to forgive me for finding my place in between things.

I started regretting my pixie cut, but at that point somehow I knew where I belong. 

I was sixteen when I got a haircut again. Possibly the shortest I’ve ever had and since then I’ve been referred to as a ‘he’ while I walk home or at the mall. It felt comfortable, but the fear lingered on. What if people were judging me, for simply walking with an identity I’ve known for years? I was sixteen, when I knew I did have feelings for a girl my age, and until now she never knows that I did. I fell for her one time and I knew I caught myself before falling further, because I knew she could never like me back,

and I found my peace with that. 

It was in the same year when we had this activity for school where you had to give a talk. At first I wanted to talk about colors, but then my drafts slowly transitioned into rainbows and then later on, fashion and identity. I wanted to talk about something personal too, but I ended up looking up certain terms, and finally found something that sealed my existence in my little ‘in-between’. 

I was sixteen when I came out, Non-Binary. 

I was sixteen when I finished that talk and walked over to my friends until they surrounded me and my tears. I was so scared but talking about it felt freeing. 

But my sexuality was different, somehow it was a slow process. One day I was just talking about wearing cuffed sleeves and rolled-up jeans and then the next I was painting the colors pink purple and blue all over my face and shamelessly sharing it to the world. 

I am Bisexual. And that’s all there is to know.

Somehow, even behind the fear of the looming eyes of judgement, I found my peace in my ‘in between’. I could never have done this without my friends, though. You know who you guys are. I’ll always be thankful for having you.

And to those who are still reading, I hope you find your peace one day. May it be an ‘in-between’ as well, or simply on the other side of the road. Either way, please know that you are loved and you are free to love. We are here for you, I am here for you. 

Love fiercely. 

M.

[prsstrt-a]

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR RUNE FACTORY MUSES!!!!!

       ASK ME ABOUT MY KIDDOS // @theirwarmth​ // accepting !!

MY BABIES !!! okay so for anyone that doesn’t know, Rune Factory is a spin off series to the Marvelous brand Harvest Moon games. Literally the subtitle is “A Fantasy Harvest Moon” SO YEAH. VERY MUCH DERIVED FROM HM. But it’s also SO MUCH MORE OKAY so they like.... take the farming and marriage aspects from HM, but then also throw in standard RPG shit like fighting and dungeons and A WHOLE BUTT LOAD OF STORY. Seriously, they’re fantastic games and I urge you all to play them, especially Rune Factory 4 which is where my darling muses Doug & Frey are from.

This got long so the rest is under the cut . . . Also please note that this WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS for Rune Factory 4 !!

F R E Y

We’ll start with Frey since I’m feeling a LOT of muse for her right now ( I still need to write that starter from her for Mipha it’s literally in my drafts I’m just so BUSY h e c k ). This is she:

Super cute right ? Well she’s the female protagonist for RF4 ( Side Note: RF4 was the first RF game where you could choose what gender to play as at the very beginning !! ) In the game, she’s tasked with guarding these things called the Rune Spheres & bringing them to Selphia ( the setting of the game ) to save the Divine Dragon that resides there. On the way she gets attacked by members of the Sechs Empire ( the antagonists for . . . pretty much all of the RF games ) which leads to her FALLING FROM AN AIR SHIP, landing DIRECTLY on the dragon she’s on the way to see, and losing all of her memories outside of her name. She’s then mistaken as the princess that was said to be coming to visit from the kingdom of Norad ( Selphia is a city within that kingdom ). She denies this, and it eventually turns out that she is not, in fact, a memory of the royal family because the ACTUAL PRINCE shows up like the next day. But he wants to be able to do his own shit so he allows Frey to continue w/ the princess-y duties that she’s been doing & allows her to continue staying in the castle along w/ the Divine Dragon. SO ANYWAY W/ THE BACKSTORY OUT OF THE WAY, a quick crash course through the rest is that she becomes best friends with the Divine Dragon, goes through dungeons to help solve mysteries plaguing the town, saves these 4 people known as the Guardians who were trapped as boss monsters within those dungeons, and then goes on a journey to save her new dragon BFF from literally dying. IT’S WILD.

Even though she’s a protagonist, she isn’t necessarily an avatar. Frey has her own dialogue, and thus her own personality. She’s an incredibly passionate, determined young woman who isn’t one to let things get her down. She’s spunky with a dry wit, finding plenty of humor in the enigmatic cast that makes up the other residents of Selphia. She flows to the beat of her own drum, and as such can seem rather passive. Her determination can also be seen as a reckless sort of stubbornness, and sometimes she does things despite being told not to. She’s also known as something called an Earthmate, which means she has a very strong connection to the Earth, and is able to see / communicate with the spirits that reside there. It is also what gives her the power to transform the Guardians back into their human forms. OVERALL SHE’S JUST NEAT AND SPUNKY AND I LIKE HER A LOT.

Of your muses I could see her getting along really well with: Kairi, Demyx, Mipha, Denki, Momo, Shiho, and Cindy !!

D O U G

Doug is the absolute light of my LIFE okay. He was one of the first muses I ever consistently played, so him and I have been through the RINGER together. This is his stupid face:

Doug is played off as being the comic relief character, but in truth he is one of the most important characters with arguably the darkest storyline in possibly the entire franchise. In the Rune Factory universe, Doug is a dwarf, which is a race that lives primarily in clans. Doug grew up in Clan Silvershield which was like . . . just on the outskirts of the Sechs Empire. WELL the Sechs came in and absolutely desecrated his village. Doug was away at the time, probably playing in the nearby woods. When he came back, everything was on fire and everyone was dead, including his family. At this point, the Sechs found him and ‘took him in’. From then they brainwashed him into believing the Divine Dragon in Selphia was the one who destroyed his village. He agreed to go to Selphia to spy for the Sechs, believing that doing so would give him the opportunity to avenge his family. He arrived there sullen, just a husk of what we see of him in game, and is then taken in by an elderly young woman named Blossom who raised him from that point on. With her and the warmth of the other villagers, his walls dropped and he became the friendly, outgoing, hot-headed boy we see today. That said, shit still goes down and he has to eventually learn that it was not Ventuswill that destroyed his village, but the Sechs themselves. He literally spends an entire arc as an opposing force and juST GHOSTS YOU FOR A WHILE. Did I mention that he’s a marriageable candidate ? Cuz he is, but you literally can’t marry him until you BEAT THE ENTIRE GAME.

Anyway yeah, I love this stupid boy. He loves food, but specifically hates bread. Thinks it’s the worst thing to ever grace the Earth ( can’t relate but ok ). He’s absolutely an act first think later type in all senses of the word, doing stupid, reckless shit & saying things without thinking which ends up upsetting people. That said !! While the game tries to make you think that he is, Doug is NOT an idiot. There’s literally a part early on in the game where he saves the protagonist from getting jumped by monsters, and then teaches her magic & lectures her about she needs to be more aware of her surroundings. He’s not the type to get an A on a math test, but he’s unbelievably street smart. He’s got some insecurities about being dwarf who can’t forge, but despite that he still tries to when it’s important ( ie his reverse proposal ). He’s a smart mouth with no respect for authority, but he shows how much he cares through his actions. He worries about Blossom as though she truly was his family. He has a rivalry with another member of the town, but still sends him birthday presents for his birthday. He’s !! So good !! I’m very soft for Doug of Clan Silvershield !!

Of your muses I could see him getting along really well with: Adrien, Denki, Kairi, Olette, Terra, Paya, and Claudia !!

[cosmosbunnies]

How Fire Emblem Fates tried, and failed, to live up to Awakening.

Fire Emblem Awakening was a tonal and mechanical masterpiece. It set a new bar for Fire Emblem games and the like, so Fates had a lot to live up to. And boy, did it try. And fail. I've got about a million complaints about this game, but I'll list my top three here:

Setup

Fire emblem awakening's avatar, Robin, was relatable. Not in deep ways, but we could sympathize with their situation. They knew exactly what we knew about the world – nothing. They awoke with amnesia and were found by the royal family. Amnesia is a wrote plot point, but its popularity is not baseless. In games especially, dropping the player into the second act allows for swift action, and playing catchup in the story comes for naturally to a player who knows everything their character does, meaning dialogue and exposition can come across as being natural and not ham-fisted.

On the other hand, we have Fates. Mind you, I have only played Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest, but I believe these problems extend to Birthright as well; the setup is bad. Instead of giving our player character no knowledge of the world around them via amnesia, they use a different method; seclusion. Corrin as a character is locked away inside of the Nohrian castle throughout their entire childhood and is only allowed in the outside world during the rising action of the story. This, akin to Robin, gives them no knowledge of the world around them. There's one key distinction, however; the family. In Conquest, Corrin knows their family well, and there is an existing dynamic that was built up long before we, the player, entered the scene. So, while Corrin knows nothing of the war and the land, they know much of these characters – and we do not. This flows very poorly. The characters end up awkwardly barking out their relationship to our main character in expositional dialogue before we ever end up even fighting alongside them, instead of having those relationships grow in real-time as we play and allowing us, the player, to form a relationship with the cast based in mechanics while Corrin gets to know them in the narrative. Corrin already loves the cast, regardless of what we think, and we have no choice in the matter. Fates makes the erroneous assumption that the player's interest in the world around them exists in a vacuum, but in reality an average player is interested in how the world exists in relation to the established characters and mechanics, not in the Deep Lore. In fact, Deep Lore is called just that because players who desire knowledge of the world are willing to go to greater lengths to uncover it than players who do not care. This is what in-game history books are for.

Marriage

Fire Emblem Awakening introduced a new mechanic: marriage. Your characters' relationships would grow organically as they fought, and this would eventually lead to (straight) marriage, which would eventually lead to children. The plot of the game involved time travel, and thus a new system was born; the child soldiers. Children are born of your units, your units die in the future, and those children grow up alone and scared, learning to fight for themselves. Eventually, they all get together and use the fire emblem to go back in time. They meet their parents. They introduce themselves. They fight, as they always have, but this time with hope renewed. This created a fantastic dynamic; a younger solider in their prime, with a child they know they'll eventually have but are meeting for the first time. Throw in some well written, natural dialogue, a few fun time travel jokes, and you've got yourself a compelling personal story. It also tied into the main plot in a significant way, having Lucina be a product of this same time travel fiasco. Fire Emblem Fates takes a… different approach. Halfway through act II of the story, you enter an alternate universe. The place is strange, scary and full of mindless evil entities. You meet a character who had been presumed dead, and you fight your way out with him in tow. Upon leaving, you're informed that if any of your characters mention this alternate reality to anyone, they will cease to exist. The point is then dropped, and the unrelated story continues. This puzzled me… A lot. Why did this exists? Was is setting up a structure for a future plot point? Was it world building? I had no idea, I was completely confused.

And then Corrin married.

This was my first marriage in the game, as honestly, none of the characters (save for Niles/Odin, and Effie/Mozu) had what I saw as a real connection, so I waited some time. Corrin and Keaton got married. A popup appeared onscreen afterwords. “A baby was born. The baby is placed in an alternate reality to grow up safe from harm, but a side effect of this reality is that time flows differently, making the children grow up very quickly.” Ah. I see. It makes sense now – the alternate universe is a plot contrivance, created in service to the brand of “You can have children and fight alongside them.” So then you pluck these kiddos from their isolated homes one by one, skipping over the major plot hole of 'Corrin spent nine months fighting while pregnant and then had a baby in the middle of a war? How long did this war take?' and jumping right to “Let's recruit child soldiers.” And so you do. You recruit every child to fight, much to the apparent behest of the mother and father. There is no reasoning to explain why these sensible adults are asking young teenagers to fight in a deadly war. It's simply a fun mechanic, and the game does not expect us to think about it. Except it strips the system of its most important aspects: A) The children do not HAVE to fight to save a doomed world, and B) The parents and the children know one another well. This has removed both the believability of the plot point and the charm in the interactions, leaving us with strange relationships bland dialogue that has an overabundant use of the word “daddy,” which should be purged from every writer's page as it is written.

Incest

You can just. You can just marry your siblings in this game. And have children with them.

At first I though Camilla's apparent attraction to the player character was simply because she was explicitly designed for horny fans to drool over. While this is still true, it's not the only reason she shows an interest in her sibling, as she's more than willing to marry and have children with them. “Oh, it's fine!” You might say. “They're not siblings by blood, you see, so it's morally fine!” Which is the stance the game seems to take. I am not going to explain why incest bad. I will also not drone on about how in the game's counterpart, Birthright, your player is related by blood for plot purposes, but as not to miss out on banging your siblings, each sibling will explain just before marrying you that you're actually not related to them by blood either. Nope, definitely not going to touch that subject.

Small gripes:

I lied about only listing three things. Here are a few notable issues

-You can dress your characters up in stupid looking accessories that add nothing to the game and 95% of the time clip heavily inside the character's model. The characters ASK you to dress them up, and some of them even comment on how silly this is during a war.

-“A+” rank is a cop-out created in an attempt to appease the Queer community without alienating any fans, and the fact that they couldn't be bothered to write any dialogue for the A+ rank relationships shows their lack of interest in queer representation while they sit back and get praise of major publications for “progressivism”

-In the Japanese version you pet your friends on the face Pokemon-Amie style to get them to like you more. I am glad they removed this for the western release

-In the final cinematic, they paid a team of animators to animate your character's first-person experience as they run face-first into their sisters boobs, which joyfully go “Boioioing” and shake like maracas as you reel.

-Sometimes you walk in on your allies naked in the hot springs. You walk all the way in, sit down, relax and stare at the naked peer for seconds before they say “Hey I'm uh… Naked here.” As which point Corrin goes “Sorry!” and sprints out of the room with the speed of a cheetah. I do not know why this happens.

-Keaton is unreasonably erotic when you marry him. Fully voice-acted, he whispers sweet nothings into your ear as the screen fades to black. He is a furry's wet dream. This is not a complaint.

-The story toys with this “abusive father with a family of children who are closer for having a common enemy with whom they have a love/hate relationship” thing, but fails to say ANYTHING meaningful on the subject. It's just empty story dressing

-At one point, you have to choose to either kill or spare a person who just tried to kill you. If you spare him, he joins your party. This goes nowhere, and puzzles me as a narrative choice. He doesn't even bother to betray you or anything, he simply stops mattering.

-Nohr should be dark, gloomy, fun and interesting, and instead it fails to spark the imagination even slightly, instead being “Bland fantasy setting but some of the trees are dead.” Give me some purple and black in that color palette! C'mon!

-There are two wolfskin characters. They are different genders, different heights and weights, but use the same exact model in wolf form. Compare these to the bunny people in awakening who have my heart forever, and this is a major insult.

Thanks for reading

[gascon-en-exil]

I Liked Fates Before It Was Cool!: Birthright Part 1

Prologue

Opening Chapters

Chapters 6-11, in which Hoshido’s military is extremely disorganized and only regroups because the mere idea of Ryoma is just that awesome.

Chapter 6

Not much to say here. Corrin tells Xander they’re siding with Hoshido against Garon and implores him to do the same, Xander accuses them of being brainwashed and, after repeated refusals, tries to kill Corrin. Following this is a chapter that will probably be finished during the first enemy phase unless Ryoma gets really unlucky. I suppose it makes sense that this is the shortest of the three versions of Chapter 6 as Corrin went to the border already with the Hoshidans. While it’s kind of neat that all the Hoshidan royals are playable on this map as a bit of a preview, note that this is the fourth of just seven chapters in which Ryoma has appeared as a unit prior to his formal recruitment. We get it already, the guy’s an OP powerhouse and a clear favorite of the writers.

This is also where I should probably bring up My Castle, but I don’t have much to say here as it was never a feature I particularly enjoyed. Other FEs have addressed the concept of a base for your army integrated into gameplay far better than this. Genealogy and the Tellius games and others may not let you perv on your units taking a bath or disgust them with your horrendous cooking, but what does that really add to the experience? I know, I know, a bunch of small and scattered stat boosts....

Chapter 7

Oh, silly banter in the middle of an attack while surrounded by wounded and dying soldiers. Never change, FE. But seriously, even if he’s just Cordelia with a dick whose semen produces more Cordelias let’s take the time to appreciate that Subaki is the series’s first playable male pegasus knight. Fates’s take on classes is actually very egalitarian, a fact that often gets lost in its sea of fanservice and subtle story-enforced misogyny and everything about <insert character whose gender/sexuality-related presentation offends you most>. Moving on.

I’m still not entirely clear what happens to the Hoshidan army between this chapter and the preceding one. They really appear to just break ranks and scatter: Corrin and co. go fool around in the astral plane with Lilith, Ryoma and Takumi lead some of their forces toward Izumo (why?), no one cares about Hinoka, and Sakura retreats here to Fort Jinya to tend to the wounded at a makeshift military hospital. It makes sense that the Hoshidan army wouldn’t have the strictest organization thanks to their years of protection under Mikoto’s barrier, but the problem is the game never tells us that and we’re left to infer these things based on the events of the next few chapters.

The Nohrians meanwhile are still on the offensive, but they screwed up by sending Silas’s unit to attack the fort. Silas has an unhealthy attachment to Corrin that frankly rivals Camilla’s, and his abrupt defection here because he wants to hang out with his partially amnesiac BFF undoubtedly bodes ill for anyone associated with him when news of it reaches Nohr. I guess it’s cute in my case that Silas’s obsession with Corrin knows no gender, but the guy probably steals underwear to sniff. Saizo is entirely justified in being suspicious of him.

Paralogue 1

Oh yeah, I forgot all about this chapter. Mozu’s just not as memorably meme-worthy as Donnel, and recruiting her is less frustrating since you’re not forced to make her poke things in her joining chapter. It does make the Faceless seem like more of a threat to Hoshido, although as a consequence playing through this paralogue in Conquest always feels a little weird. This plus the first Castle Invasion were mostly for EXP and support farming. For anyone wondering, I’m going to be keeping most of my characters in their default class sets since I don’t feel like grinding skills or anything elaborate like that. Also, I’m playing on Normal, so I’ve got a lot of latitude in how I play which is how I prefer FE anyway.

Chapter 8

Hinoka sums up my feelings on her and her retainers. Azama’s got some amusing lines and if I knew more about Buddhism his...interesting take on philosophy would probably be even funnier, but that’s about it. And yeah, Hinoka really just does pop onto the scene with no explanation except that she’s also trailing her brothers and I guess everyone really did forget about her. Sucks to be a late development addition.

Iago tosses the conflict ball to ensure the party’s trip to the Wind Tribe village is a rough one, though since Fuga was set on testing Corrin’s worth by sending a bunch of his tribesmen to get slaughtered by their army anyway I wonder why he even bothered. This is a rare case of a desert map that isn’t a frustrating pain in the ass, because it’s small and there are Dragon Veins to reduce the amount of sand. I also like how even on the lowest difficulty of the easiest route the game is already throwing a boss at you with some annoying skills. Fuga’s motivations may be silly, but at least he leaves us with the memory of a good chapter, some cryptic foreshadowing for the Yato, and a shota wind mage who unfortunately continues in the tradition of Ricken stepping away from their archetypical dynamic after Tellius made it just a little too close to explicitly gay.

Chapter 9

Izana, huh...Izana is...

Let’s talk about Zola!

Zola is one of the rare Fates villains who isn’t (always) exactly what he looks like. On first glance he’s just a typical simpering syncophant with a fitting talent for illusions, but he actually comes with a bit of a character arc in Birthright which I have to say I wasn’t expecting. It was almost as unexpected as Leo’s unexplained appearance at the end of this chapter to kick off said arc by leaving Zola exiled. One big problem I have with Fates is how characters have a tendency to teleport around off-screen as the plot demands it, distance between locations or basic geography be damned, but it’s marginally more forgivable here since Leo is shown later in this route to know how to perform literal teleportation.

I believe this is also one of the only times in Birthright where Hinoka gets to do something that affects the plot, so good on her for acting suspicious of fake!Izana. She’ll go right back to being overshadowed by her brothers - including being overshadowed at being overshadowed - soon enough.

Izumo’s role as the designated neutral nation is delved into more thoroughly in Conquest, weirdly enough. Here Corrin and co. get left only with a vague directive to head toward the Bottomless Canyon and some of Azura’s song lyrics. That’s kind of a good thing, because I’ve got nothing on Izana now. I get that he’s an amusing surprise the first time around, but...who wrote him like that?

Chapter 10

Allow me to divert for a moment from the Takumi angst to pick some very large nits with the geography of this game. In the previous chapter Corrin learned that Ryoma and Takumi had been pushed to the Bottomless Canyon, which is nowhere near their location - but hold onto that thought. The canyon is clearly northwest of Izumo, yet the party goes south to Mokushu allegedly in an effort to reach them there. Fates has a bad time in general with giving a good impression of where its events are taking place, partly because the scale of the map is odd and not helped by it being a topographic rather than a political map like in every other FE, partly because there are times like this where the information presented appears to be simply wrong. What’s worse, the major plot development surrounding Takumi’s possession in Birthright does not, at least so far as I recall, necessitate that he have been possessed by Anankos or anyone else connected to the Bottomless Canyon. I’ll certainly be revisiting this when the time comes.

But...whatever. In spite of everyone getting lost except Ryoma (because of course) this is actually a good chapter, with a cramped map filled with environmental hazards to add challenge. The treachery of Mokushu spans all three routes and is one of those set pieces that benefits from development in each of them. Kotaro’s connection to the, er, Christmas ninjas (and elsewhere, Shura) isn’t developed here unless you choose to have them engage him in combat, but that just saves stuff for the other routes. 

Chapter 11

Pictured: easily one of the most forgettable playable characters in this game. It’s a shame too, because she’s the only default kinshi knight and her bits of dialogue and few supports offer hints of an interesting backstory that would speak to gender roles in Hoshido. Alas, she’s merely a Corrinsexual.

This chapter itself is filler, but mechanically it’s good filler. Your new OP archer royal gets plenty of targets for his bow, there are some promoted generics to spice things up, and the Dragon Veins can either help or hinder you depending on how you use them. I don’t care for the antagonist fake-out between the opening and closing cutscenes and the chapter proper - where did possessed!Sumeragi the mysterious swordsman go while you were fighting the fliers? - but that’s a minor quibble. Corrin already beat that guy.

A larger problem is with Takumi’s development, or rather lack thereof. As I said last time the events of the opening chapters explain his initial hostility to Corrin (and Azura) quite well, and Mikoto’s death only reinforces that feeling. Why then does that hostility vanish so quickly in Birthright? Just one chapter after recruitment and he’s already turned his characteristic prickliness onto Zola instead, and I don’t recall it appearing much again except in the context of possession. It’s only the route the ends with Takumi as the final boss that allows him space for his feelings to develop organically (albeit in a negative direction), possibly because Conquest is the only one in which he’s not beholden to love Corrin like all playable characters in Avatar-centered games.

Next time: Birthright Chapter 12 - 18

[booksaremyoxygenn]

Ready Player One: Book Review & Discussion

“We’d been born into an ugly world, and the OASIS was our one happy refuge.”

If you love video games and the 80s, you MUST read this book. USA Today’s comparison of Ready Player One to Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory couldn't have been more spot on, but instead of the inheritance of a man who owns a chocolate factory he is playing for the inheritance of a video game creator.

Overall Rating: 4.5 / 5 Stars

My biggest argument is that because there was so much info and teaching about the 80s and video game references it felt choppy and it was hard to get lost in the book. However I absolutely loved learning all of those fascinating pieces of information. There were surprisingly many great life lessons in this book and I feel like I am walking away more knowledgeable. 

Age Recommendation: Well.... it depends on the child. It does curse a few times (but let’s be honest the kids already know the words, the aim isn’t for them not to learn it but to know not to use it.) However there is a bit of a lengthy section on things I would not even want my 13 year old sister reading on 193-194 so I recommend you take their book, rip that page out and then they are all ready to go. They will never even miss it. I think there are great life lessons in this book though for a young teen age group like the importance of logging off and living offline and not getting wrapped up in trying to constantly escape the real world. It talks about how people should be judged by their personality not their appearance. If we could simply choose out skin color, gender, and appearance like an avatar, life would be easier but life doesn’t work that way so accept people the way they are. You may surprise yourself with who your closest friends up being. 

Spoiler- Free Review: 

Wade just really doesn’t like his lot in life, whether that be in the real world when he’d rather be in a video game or that he is in the 2040s when he’d rather be born in the the 80s, or at the least before the Global Energy Crisis. Though he doesn’t mind living in OASIS soaking up the endless knowledge. The vast source of all books, movies, art, history, videogames, and, most importantly, information on James Halliday. OASIS is like the internet but with VR glasses only 10x more detailed, advanced, and infinite. Wade doesn’t even go to a real school he goes through the virtual reality of OASIS. “In OASIS, you could become whomever and whatever you wanted to be, without ever revealing your true identity, because your anonymity was guaranteed.” (pg 57) When James Halliday, inventor of OASIS, dies and leaves his fortune (240 billion dollars) to the first player to find the three keys hidden within his own video game, the world goes crazy in pursuit. Though after numerous years no one had found a single key, until Wade. That’s how the story begins. 

I loved that Cline’s writing encourages readers who know nothing about the 80s or video games to read this book. That has been a massive concern for people before they pick up this book, that they won’t understand the references. To be honest, there were many hidden “eggs” in the text that I saw that I knew were references that I just didn’t understand. (Which was still cool and I enjoyed looking them up and learning more.) However, all of the big, important references he explains in the book and he doesn’t make you feel stupid for not knowing but explains it clearly for those of us who aren’t experts. I genuinely feel more intelligent by reading this book and now know a lot more about pop culture in the 80s. Who knows this all may come in handy on Trivia Night? I highly recommend this book for a fun, nostalgic read. 

SPOILER Review / Book Discussion: 

Isn’t it scary how possible this all could be? With virtual reality continually advancing (in real life) how much longer will it take until people go to school in virtual reality like Wade or before the internet takes on this new form?

Though obviously in Wade’s world as technology has advanced his real world has been given up on. The stacks, while a great concept and super cool looking on the front cover, are atrocious living conditions. Though I must give Wade kutos on his battery powered heater and computer but really just his van in general. It makes me want to make my own Bat Cave inside a van. This was when I knew what his advantage would be in this game, he was a self-teacher, self-motivator, and dedicated his whole life to the hunt. 

One of my favorite parts about Cline’s writing was how it was constantly breaking stereotypes and speaking about important topics. I really appreciated the backstory that he gave Halliday. Especially how even though he wasn’t good at school he became a multi-billionaire. I am so tired of the assumption that being good at school has a direct correlation with future success. So many people who have changed the world never went to college, dropped out, or did poorly in high school. Another thing that I loved was the fact that this whole story wouldn’t have happened if Ogden Marrow (Og) wouldn’t have walked over to Halliday when he was sitting alone and invited him to play Dungeons and Dragons. It reminds me how much can change by a simple act of kindness and stepping out of your comfort zone to talk to new people. This whole story wouldn’t have happened, their world may have been drastically different if it wasn’t for Og’s invite. My favorite part though was how he had Asperger’s autism because my older brother has it as well and I could see the connections. Halliday’s lack of desire to express social skills, inability to step into other people’s shoes, and his few unhealthy obsessions were the most common traits. However I wish he wouldn’t have made the connections between Halliday’s crazy side and his Aspergers because that gives a bad name to this type of autism. (I mean you can’t win every battle right?)

One thing that really bothered my is how indifferent Wade was to risking everyone’s lives in the Stacks during his meeting with IOI. Once he realized he wasn’t actually gambling his own life because he wasn’t at home then it didn’t bother him anymore. He was willing to risk that. I understand that his aunt was cruel to him and that there were thieves and rapists roaming around the stacks but that’s not a good enough excuse as to why his conscious was clear about all those people he played a part in murdering. He said that there were no survivors. I understand that his other option was be enslaved to IOI but he is very smart, he could have figured out an alternative where hundreds of uninvolved people don’t die. (pg 146)

I personally love when authors put deep meaning into characters, places, animals and other things’ names. I loved that Art3mis was the greek god of the hunt and that Wade was Parzival. “On the day the Hunt began, the day I’d decided to become a gunter, I’d renamed my avatar Parzival, after the knight of Arthurian legend who had found the Holy Grail.” (pg 28) I love when author’s twist different stories together like that and give character’s deeply meaningful names. Like Alaska in John Green’s Looking for Alaska, or Katniss from The Hunger Games whose name is from a plant that is latin for archer. I prefer a bit more meaning than when Rainbow Rowell named the twins in Fangirl Cath and Wren because the mother didn’t know she was going to have twins so she split up the name Catherine. Though I do apprecaite it more than when authors just randomly name thier characters. (Also, Darth Vader’s name is literally Dark Father in Dutch so his name is a spoiler in itself.) I applaud Cline for his good choice in names. 

The first task was where players went into the Tomb of Horrors from Dungeons & Dragons to play Joust against Acereak. It was amusing to me but as someone who doesn’t know the first thing about Dungeons and Dragons the references were lost on me. However this line really stuck me as funny..... “It suddenly occurred to me just how absurd this scene was: a guy wearing a suit of armor, standing next to an undead king, both hunched over controls of a classic arcade game.” (pg 82) The whole time after he met Acererak I just imagined him going from his scary, glowing eyes to his best friend playing a video game and them fist bumping each other. Like I genuinely wanted them to become friends. Haha.

The first gate was where players played Dungeons of Daggorath to open the gate where they had to say and act all the lines of the character David Lightman in the film WarGames. This was my favorite task / gate he had to do and I wish I had my own version for The Hunger Games where I could be Katniss. Anyone else agree? They called them “Fliksyncs” (112) and I genuinely think if they make something like it in real life, it could be my favorite invention of all time. You would get to walk, talk, and live the life of your favorite character, your heroes, or be 1/2 of your favorite OTPs. ( I would gladly be Clary to play besides Jace from The Mortal Instruments... just putting it out there.)

A really important message that spread throughout the span of the book was that the internet (OASIS in RPO’s case) can take over our lives. ”It had become a self-imposed prison for humanity,” he wrote, “A pleasant place for the world to hide from its problems while human civilization slowly collapses, primarily due to neglect.” (pg 120) How much truer does that get?? Than once Wade won the egg even Halliday admitted that that was one of his biggest regrets, not logging off and living life the way it was meant to be, truly using your senses and awakening your body instead of constantly trying to mute it and hide yourself.  “I created the OASIS because I never felt at home in the real world. I didn’t know how to connect with the people there. I was afraid, for all all of my life. Right up until I knew it was ending. That was when I realized, as terrifying and painful as reality can be. it is also the only place where you can find true happiness. Because reality is real. Do you understand?” (pg 364) I think that is something people across the globe can relate to. We could all use a lesson in learning when to turn off our screens and fully engage in the world around us. 

Another really important message was during that OH MY GOSH! AECH REVEAL!.... which at first I felt like it changed everything but that’s the whole point, it didn’t change anything. She was still the same person she had always been. We see what we want to see in a person when we make assumptions about them from what they look like. It’s just a genuine reminder of how the lines between gender are so fluid and it doesn’t matter what you are born but how you act. I’m not even referencing transgender specifically but just boys being free to like pink and girls feeling free to be obsessed with Star Wars and video games. Though there was another lesson in this which was how she chose to be a white, male avatar, because her mother told her it would help her get treated better, even in the virtual world.  “In Marie’s opinion, the OASIS was the best thing that had ever happened to both women and people of color. From the very start, Marie has used a white male avatar to conduct all of her online business, because of the marked difference it made in how she was treated and the opportunities she was given.” (pg 320) Why is this so painfully true?? I really loved what Wade said after he found out,  “We’d connected on a purely mental level. I understood her, trusted her, and loved her as a friend. None of that had changed, or could be changed by anything as inconsequential as her gender, or skin color, or sexual orientation.” (pg 321) Though I will admit I am glad that Cline made Ache a lesbian because I was worried she was going to confess her love to him and then Wade would have to choose.... and there just wasn’t enough pages left in the book for all that drama. Plus I really love when books allow guys and girls to just be friends without every liking each other romantically. 

The final thing, that I wouldn’t dream of ending this review/discussion without talking about is... Art3mis. Can we talk about how she started out such a strong character who was a fighter, independent blogger and full time badass who knows exactly how she plans on saving the world with the prize money from the egg. But then as time goes on she transforms more into a love interest than a fierce competitor. I think she sees this as well which is why she leaves him to focus on the competition. Though at the very end when she finally meets Wade in person she does that thing that Reese Witherspoon talks about in her Woman of the Year speech. Where Art3mis, the female,  turns to Wade, the male, and pretty much says, what do we do now? This is a phrase Reese says she hates reading the most and is usually written by scripts with no female involved in the writing.  She says “Now you do you know any woman in any crisis situation.. who has absolutely no idea what to do?” Reese made a good point in saying that it’s top woman stop playing the damsel in distress because we so rarely are. Art3mis went from this total badass who could carry her own to a self conscious, love interest. However, I am so glad that Art3mis gave up Wade for the hunt in some ways because if she would have given up her passions and her life long goal for a boy, I would have been more insulted. Personally, I just really like strong, female leads and am getting tired of women being accessories to males. I’m also tired of the never ending line of self conscious characters (both female and male) who find their self worth and beauty once their romantic interests informs them that it exists. So thank you to characters like Celaena Sardothien, Alaska Young, and Margo Roth Spiegelman for showing the world that it’s cool to love yourself and know you are amazing. Though I was still rooting for Art3metis because of her strong will and good intentions for the prize. 

In the end everything seemed to fall perfectly in place which made me so happy. No loose threads and a beautiful, sappy, happy ever after. The character development for Wade was so great and I felt happy walking away from this book knowing that things were going well for him. 

Favorite Quotes: 

1.) How the protagonist, Wade, feels about video games is how I feel about books...

"Playing old video games never failed to clear my mind and set me at ease. If I was feeling depressed or frustrated about my lot in life, all I had to do was tap the Player One button, and my worries would instantly slip away as my mind focused itself on the relentless pixelated onslaught on the screen in front of me. There, inside the game's two-dimensional universe, life was simple" (pg 14)

2.) Me when I get into a good book series....

“I was obsessed. I wouldn’t quit. My grades suffered. I didn’t care.”  (pg 63)

3.)  “Spending time with her was intoxicating. We seemed to have everything in common. We shared the same interests. We were driven by the same goal. She got all my jokes. She made me laugh. She made me think. She changed the way I saw the world. I’d never had such a powerful, immediate connection with another human being before. Not even with Aech.” (pg 174) 

4.) “I was watching a collection of vintage ‘80′s commercials when I paused to wonder why cereal manufacturers no longer included toy prizes inside every box. It was a tragedy, in my opinion. Another sign that civilization was going straight down the tubes.” (pg 176)

5.)  “And then one night, like a complete idiot, I told her how I felt.” (pg 179)

6.) “No one in the world ever gets what they want and that’s beautiful.” (pg 199)  

7.) “I stood outside her palace gates for two solid hours, with a boombox over my head, blasting “In Your Eyes” by Peter gabriel at full volume.” (pg 203)

8.) “Art3mis had led me to believe that she was somehow hideous but now I saw that nothing could have been further from the truth. To my eyes, the birthmark did absolutely nothing to diminish her beauty. If anything, the face I saw in the photo seemed even more beautiful to me than that of her avatar, because I knew it was this one was real.” (pg 292)

9.)  “In Marie’s opinion, the OASIS was the best thing that had ever happened to both women and people of color. From the very start, Marie has used a white male avatar to conduct all of her online business, because of the marked difference it made in how she was treated and the opportunities she was given.” (pg 320)

10.)  “We’d connected on a purely mental level. I understood her, trusted her, and loved her as a friend. None of that had changed, or could be changed by anything as inconsequential as her gender, or skin color, or sexual orientation. (pg 321)

Discussion Questions: 

1.) Would you apply for the virtual OASIS education like Wade?

When Wade talks about his classes and how he is able to travel through a human heart, visit the Louvre, Jupiter’s moons and more it makes me think that our education system could be so much better with this technology. For one, he discusses how discipline isn’t a problem, how Wade can mute out bullies, and how even the teachers liked the system so much more. It gives students the ability to do things like Wade did and go to chat rooms with his friends in his free time and hang out with people he likes and avoid / mute the ones he doesn’t. I think there are major problems like affordability and the fact that you miss out on real human interaction that scientists have proven is needed for a healthy mind, body, and soul. 

2.) If you were a gunter, would you join a clan or stay solo? 

In the end I think that part of the lesson Holliday was trying to teach is that you need other people to succeed. You need help and can’t do everything on your own. Why else would he have made the door only open with three keys?

3.) If you were Wade would you sell out to sponsors, movie and book people, and the Suxors? or would you risk it all on the chance of being the first to find the egg?

4.)  What movie would you want to enter into like Wade did for the first gate for a “Syncflik”? Could you complete the dialogue for a whole movie?

5.) Did they fake drink at the bar at Og’s party because they hadn’t ever been able to eat or drink inside the OASIS before? 

6.) Has social media become obsolete in their world or is the avatar practically their form of social media? Or instead of trying to impress people with how they went to the beach or the expensive Louis Vuittons they just bought, do they put their energy into impressing through their OASIS accounts?

7.) Doesn’t IOI trying to capitalize on OASIS sound a lot like the government trying to end net neutrality? I think this whole story is a lot more realistic than most of us would like to admit to ourselves. (pg 33)

Movie Trailer: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSp1dM2Vj48 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Scj3wiIcSu0&t=115s

I really hope they keep the Rocky Horror Show scene (pg 179) in the movie because I want to see them have fun and be laid back together. Plus it would be really funny. It was super entertaining in Perks of Being A Wallflower when Charlie has to be in the show. Also, I saw the zero gravity dance floor and the revamped Delorean in the movie trailer and can’t wait to see more of that. (pg 182)

The only thing that would make me immediately hate this movie is if they don’t give Art3mis her birthmark and so far in the trailer I noticed that they have only distinctly shown one side of her face but in the clip where she is sitting in a chair across from Wade you can see most of her face and I didn’t see any scar. What a missed opportunity? Unless they are having her cover it in the first half of the movie with makeup or something. The greatest parts of this book were the lessons learned and I think him meaning that he would love her no matter what she looked like in person because he loved who she was is a crucial part of the story and the birthmark plays a large role in that. It was an opportunity to give people who had similar situations like birthmarks have someone that looked like them in a movie to relate to. I think it really could have been something special. 

The other thing that is a bit of a turn off is the body form they gave Ache in the movie because it means that she won’t be able to have that moment talking about how she chose a white, male avatar because of how she felt at a disadvantage as a African American woman and wanted her avatar to be able to escape that. Also the actress they cast is thin so it is another missed opportunity. 

Also the choice of the song from Willy Wonka “Pure Imagination” was genius for the trailer. It was beyond perfect!

Side Note:

Also, if you would like to watch part 2 of this book... it’s called WALL-E. There are different characters but it is definitely what Wade’s planet earth is going to look like very soon. They were all absorbed in the internet and forgot about real life and how to make connections, just like this book. I mean Wade even notices his weight gain from being overly absorbed into the game. (pg 196)

[xtcpanda]

Seriously, is playing Video Games as BAD as mom says?

If you grew up playing video games like I did … you’ve probably heard lots of conflicting information about games from your parents and people. Some say too much gaming will ruin your vision or rot your brain … While others claim it improves your hand-eye coordination, response time and can even make you smarter so what exactly does gaming do to our brain and body?

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with video games.

  I would stay awake for more than 48h till I wake up with keyboard marks on my face, red eyes and my body is so tired to even get up and drink some water... trust me I am not exaggerating. After all that I would go to sleep only to dream about the perfect headshot with that “AWM”.

  But there were physical effects, too. My thumbs turned into machines, quick and precise. During especially difficult levels of play, my palms would sweat. My heart would race. I’d have knots in my stomach from anxiety. It was the same feeling I’d sometimes get from watching scary movies or suspenseful TV shows.

These days the gaming industry is booming and becoming more like sports with fans, medals and everything! and thanks to smartphones and free games like fortnight and League of Legends … Gamers are increasing more than ever before. So, given that we can play virtually anywhere at any time How is all this gaming changing us physically?

Scientists are discovering that playing video games can change the way we act, think, and feel. Whether these changes are good or bad has become a subject of intense debate.

  Action games like counter-strike, overwatch and PUBG are some of the most popular with gamers these days and probably you’ve heard once or twice your grandmother says “these games will make you more violent from all the blood you see!”

Whenever a wave of teenage violence strikes, movies, TV, or video games often take the heat. Some adults assume that movies, TV, and video games are a bad influence on kids, and they blame these media for causing various problems.

  But media don’t necessarily cause violence, says James Gee. Gee is an education professor at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

“You get a group of teenage boys who shoot up a school—of course they’ve played video games,” Gee says. “Everyone does. It’s like blaming food because we have obese people.”

  Video games are innocent of most of the charges against them, Gee says…

  Well, based on 15 years’ worth of study researchers have found that action games biggest positive effects were on perception: how our senses interpret external stimuli like sights and sounds, spatial cognition: which helps you orient yourself in navigating 3d environments and top-down attention: the ability to focus on one object while ignoring distractions.

  A good video game is challenging, entertaining, and complicated. It usually takes 50 to 60 hours of intense concentration to finish one. Even kids who can’t sit still in school can spend hours trying to solve a video or computer game.

“Kids diagnosed with ADHD because they can’t pay attention will play games for 9 straight hours on the computer”, Gee says. “The game focuses attention in a way that school doesn’t.”

The captivating power of video games might lie in their interactive nature. Players don’t just sit and watch. They get to participate in the action and solve problems. Some games even allow players to make changes in the game, allowing new possibilities.

  Different games have different impacts on the brain and that has to do with what you’re asked to do … just like food it doesn’t have the same vitamins after all, does it?

   “Failure is key to success”.

Ask anyone who has ever had any success in anything if they have ever failed. You will get a big clear “Yes!” because everyone has failed at something. Most people probably know about Thomas Edison and his spectacular failure rate but here are a few other examples:

J.K. Rowling -known for writing the Harry Potter fantasy series- was rejected by 12 publishers

Einstein didn’t speak until he was 4 and didn’t read until he was 7

Van Gogh only sold 1 painting in his lifetime

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

In games you get 1000 lives and more! We don’t stop playing till the game says “Game Over” but then we click on “New Game” or new try.

  “Gaming could be good for pain relief”.

a 2012 literature review published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that in the 38 studies examined, video games improved the health outcomes of 195 patients on every front, including psychological and physical therapy.

Plus, in 2010, scientists presented research at the American Pain Society's conference, which found evidence that playing video games, especially virtual reality games, are effective at reducing anxiety or pain caused by chronic illness or medical procedures.

"The focus is drawn to the game not the pain or the medical procedure, while the virtual reality experience engages visual and other senses," said Jeffrey Gold from the University of Southern California.

  “Better Decision Making”.

Shawn Green from the University of Rochester wanted to see how games affect our ability to make decisions.

The study had a group of young adults with no gaming experience play an action game for 50 hours.

A second group of the same age played a slow-paced strategy game instead.

  After the study, Green had nothing but good things to say:

“Action video games are fast-paced, and there are peripheral images and events popping up, and disappearing. These video games are teaching people to become better at taking sensory data in, and translating it into correct decisions.”

A colleague of his even went on to say that shooters can change the brain by dramatically enhancing many of our low-level perceptual functions. Definitely good news for all the Halo and Call of Duty fans out there.

  “Games Can Help (Not Hurt!) Your Eyesight”.

Who grew up without ever hearing their parents say “you’re going to go blind watching that screen all day”.

  For a while, it did seem like they had a point since we tend to blink much less frequently while playing a game.

This can cause serious problems like eyestrain and dry eye syndrome.

  Another team of researchers from the University of Rochester sought to prove if games really worsen our vision.

The 2009 study involved having a group of experienced first-person shooter gamers plays Call of Duty and Unreal Tournament 2004 while more casual gamers played slow games like The Sims 2.

  After testing, those who played the first-person shooters showed signs of having a better vision than the others.

Daphne Bavelier, the leader of the study, discovered that playing action games improves an ability called contrast sensitivity function.

This ability helps us discern between changes in shades of gray against a colored backdrop, which is very beneficial while driving at night.

“Video Games May Help Treat Depression”.

A few years back researchers in New Zealand sought to find out if video games can be used to treat mental disorders like depression.

This was done with SPARX, a game specifically designed to provide therapy to teenagers in a way that’s more active and enjoyable than regular counseling.

Over 168 teens with an average age of 15 participated, with all of them having shown previous signs of depression.

  While half of the group received traditional counseling, the other group got to play SPARX.

The game involves creating avatars to rid the virtual world of enemies representing gloomy, negative thoughts.

Every stage also introduced general facts about depression, including ways to relax and deal with negative emotions.

Here’s their conclusion after discovering that SPARX players did better at recovering from depression than the other group:

  “SPARX is a potential alternative to usual care for adolescents presenting with depressive symptoms in primary care settings and could be used to address some of the unmet demand for treatment.”

  “Games has a purpose, meaning and can actually help!”.

Darfur is Dying is a video game made in 2006 by Students at the University of Southern California that provides a window into the experience of the 2.5 million refugees in the Darfur region of Sudan. It is designed to raise awareness of the genocide taking place in Darfur and empower college students to help stop the crisis. The game was developed in cooperation with humanitarian aid workers with extensive experience in Darfur.

First, you choose a Darfurian character to represent your camp. Next, you are instructed to go out and get water, which is the goal of the game. You are warned about the implications of some of the game's rules,

In the game, the user chooses a Darfurian character out of 7: a guy at the age of 30, a 26 years old woman, 5 kids from 10 to 14 years old from both genders to find some water... but watch out hide yourself from the Janjaweed militia! Upon success or failure, they learn that their chances of succeeding were predetermined by their gender and age if they are still young the militia takes them, if they are adults they get killed or raped. The navigation system in the game enables the player to learn about the situation in Darfur, get involved with stopping the crisis.

  As we saw no one plays a game and doesn’t gain something ... either you get a positive impact or a null impact. We haven’t seen any area that has been damaged where there is worse performance.

  Playing video games can be very high speed, can create a lot of chaos, create a lot of multiple environments where you have to make decisions, and all of these are forming skills in brain so … No, I think games really help improve our cognition and awareness training our brains making us better Human beings.

But of course, too much of anything is going to be bad after all.

You will get more learning gained from smaller sessions spread out over time than one BIG block.

  When it comes to my own experience, I’ve played games for more than 13 years never suffered any gaming related injuries. While may I never know if gaming helped my brain, I do know it didn’t destroy it … so take that mom!

  —   Moaaz Akram

[moonlightmolly]

Fandom Tag Meme

Thank you to @gallihafry for tagging me! Sorry it took me so long to do this!

1. Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s):

I've never been super into shipping (I've actually distanced myself from a few fandoms because some of the shippers were so rude to people). I've found that most of my favorite relationships on Doctor Who have been mainly platonic ones, like the friendships between Eleven and Amy, Ten and Donna, and Twelve and Bill. The exception to this is Doctor x Clara. I liked her with Eleven, but she and Twelve are just brilliant together. And even this pairing is a little different than most because Clara and Twelve never kiss or do anything overtly romantic (at least not onscreen). And I think that's what appeals to me about it. It's clear that they love each other more than life itself, but their relationship defies categories and stereotypes.

2. A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind (bonus points: who was that person).

I can't think of any.

3. A pairing you used to love, but it all fell apart for you.

I wouldn’t say it all fell apart for me because I still like River x Doctor (The Husbands of River Song is my favorite Christmas Special), but the whole "You're destined to fall in love with me" aspect bothers me because I'm a big believer in free will. However, I do really love the idea of River loving the Doctor throughout his different incarnations, in spite of the huge changes in personality and appearance. Apparently, there’s a Big Finish story where River goes on an adventure with Six and Seven, which sounds pretty entertaining. And I have absolutely nothing against Alex Kingston herself. I got to see her at a panel in my hometown a year ago (my first ever Doctor Who panel!), and she’s so funny and charismatic. I think even my Dad enjoyed listening to her, even though he’s not a Doctor Who fan. And her hair is even more amazing in person.

4. Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what?

Not yet, unfortunately. However, I'm planning on getting Photoshop soon, so maybe I will someday. 🙂

5. What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

I've loved Star Wars since childhood. I think I was around seven when I watched A New Hope for the first time. It’s still my favorite Star Wars movie.

6. Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it?

I think it was either Raven x Beast Boy (Teen Titans) or Aang x Katara (Avatar: The Last Airbender).

7. Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over Tumblr.

It was a gifset of Vincent and the Doctor that sparked my interest in Doctor Who. Also, I printed out a Twelfth Doctor quote and put it on the bulletin board over my desk before I ever started watching the show. It was his "scared is a superpower" quote from Listen, which is now one of my favorite episodes.

8. Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike).

While I don't hate any of the Doctor's companions, Rose Tyler is my least favorite. Her possessiveness of the Doctor bugged me. However, I liked her friendship with Nine and I know she played a critical role in healing him after the Time War.

9. Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

I have to agree with @gallihafry here: 1) Less hatred of the showrunners. Constructive criticism is good, personal attacks are not. 2) More respect towards those with differing viewpoints. 3) Kind of ties in with 2, but less "us vs them" attitudes when it comes to ships. We can become so divided over characters and ships that we forget that we all love the same show.

10. Choose a song at random; which ship or character does it remind you of?

"Answer" by Sarah McLachlan makes me think of Twelve and Clara. If I had any video editing skills, I'd make a video for them with that song (and probably cry a lot).

11. A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships.

This would obviously be an AU ship, but I really love the idea of Donna x Nine. It all started with this artwork by Kelly Yates. I bought a t-shirt with this on it, and my favorite little detail is the heart between Donna and Nine. I can totally picture those two together, rocking their leather jackets and sassing their way through time and space. They’d probably get into a big argument at some point, then one of them (probably Donna) would randomly interrupt the whole thing with a kiss. How cute would that be? Okay, now I really want to see some Donna x Nine fanart.

12. Your most scandalous headcanon for your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s).

I only recently became a Whouffaldi shipper, so nothing yet.

13. Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)?

I believe that Twelve has a Scottish accent because of Amy, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. It kind of makes me hope that Thirteen will have an accent like Clara's. I really like the idea of remembering a companion through a trait like that.

14. 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms.

I’ve already listed some in this post, but I left out some good ones, so I'm glad this question is here!

Ellen Ripley (Alien) Amy Pond (Doctor Who) Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) Sophie Hatter (Howl's Moving Castle) Furiosa (Mad Max: Fury Road)

15. 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms.

Whouffaldi (Doctor Who), Sherlolly (Sherlock), and Ellie x Alec (Broadchurch)

16. 5 favorite ships.

Since I’ve already listed my three main romantic ships, I’m going to use this space to list my favorite platonic ships!

Amy & Eleven

Donna & Ten

Bill & Twelve

Red & Liz (The Blacklist)

Sherlock & Watson (Sherlock, Elementary)

17. Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged).

Time for a little soapbox rant. One thing that really irritates me is the attitude that platonic relationships can't be as interesting and complex as romantic ones. The majority of my favorite fictional relationships are platonic, but I wouldn't call any of them boring. What's even more upsetting is when people attack writers for not making their ship canon. It's fine to disagree with the direction of a show or story, but as I said above, personal attacks are never okay. This is something I've run into in multiple fandoms, unfortunately. However, the people I follow, along with my followers and mutuals, are giving me hope that not all fandoms have to be that way. I’m thankful for the community I’ve found here. Y’all are helping my attitude both toward fandoms and (for those of you close to my age) toward my age group in general. I have a history of disliking other millennials. But I’m learning that it’s not fair to generalize just because I’ve had some bad experiences in the past. Seriously, thank you, everyone, for the follows, likes, reblogs, tags, comments, etc. Whether you know it or not, you’re helping me heal. 😊

Well, that got rather long and personal! Congrats if you read this whole thing.

I’m going to tag: @impossible-stardust, @gallifreyland, @twelveclaraisreal, @lullapiee, and @sea-sands. This is purely for fun, don’t feel pressured to participate.

[brigade-claire-opinions]

Review: Sonic Mania and Sonic Forces (Switch)

But mostly Forces, oops.

It’s no secret that I’m a huge Sonic fan. The Blue Blur has seen me through much of my life - in childhood, through my teen years, and now even to my mid-twenties. I’ve been there for every great Sonic game, for every poor Sonic game, and for every mediocre Sonic game. I’ve seen the Adventures, the 06s, the Unleashes, the Colors, the Generations, the Sonic 4s, the Booms. I’ve played the classic games, the Advance games, the Rush games, the Rivals games, I’ve even played The Dark Brotherhood. Sonic has been a part of my gaming life pretty much from the get-go.

When both Sonic Mania and Sonic Forces were announced last summer, I found myself far more excited for Forces - then known as Project Sonic 2017. A new 3D Sonic game by Sonic Team, a completely fucked-up looking world, another Generations-style team up of Classic and Modern Sonic... count me in.

Sonic Mania, meanwhile, looked like a nostalgia trap. While I’ve always had a soft spot for the classic Sonic titles - Sonic 3 & Knuckles especially, as it was my first Sonic game - I’ve always preferred the 3D games. I like my Adventure games, my Colors, my Generations, even Lost World had its moments. I didn’t think I would enjoy Mania.

I was incorrect. Sonic Mania, while definitely a nostalgia grab, turned out to be a great experience, all the better because of the nostalgia factor. Each returning stage was remixed - both visually and audibly - with fantastic results; each original stage felt wonderfully handcrafted.

The controls were as smooth as butter. The game felt similar to the classic games, but... refined. Definitely better. The game had so many cool things going for it, too: drop-dashing as Sonic, having new routes (and even a completely different stage at one point) as Knuckles, Debug Mode, “& Knuckles” mode, the return of Blue Sphere, a better UFO mode than Sonic CD... Sonic Mania was a great time, and at $19.99, was a great value even with the short length. There was a lot to love there, and I was more than satisfied with the end result.

Yet... Mania felt like filler. Sonic Forces was still looming on the horizon, and despite thoroughly enjoying Mania, it was overshadowed by the new 3D game. I loved the opening theme - Fist Bump featuring Douglas Robb from Hoobastank. I loved the idea of being able to create an avatar - make all the jokes about fursonas that you want, but what a way to bring a new idea! And I loved that, gameplay-wise, the Avatar looked like a refined Sonic Boom character. I loved Infinite’s edgy OC feel and his edgy Punkstep theme. I loved just how... ridiculous, how over-the-top it all looked. I played the terrible Switch demo and wished I could play more than just one minute of each stage. When the game finally launched on Tuesday, I was more than ready.

I’m aware of the mixed reception of this title. I have both a PS4 and a Switch; I chose the Switch versions because Sonic has always felt more at-home on Nintendo for me than any of the other platforms. I’m aware that the Switch version of Forces is considered to be inferior to the others. I’m aware of the 30fps, the 720p, the reported framerate issues... I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I felt that I’d made the correct decision.

Ladies and gentlemen, it brings me great pleasure to say that I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Sonic Forces. That doesn’t mean the game is perfect - it’s definitely flawed, with some flaws more glaring than others.

Sonic Forces is split into four different types of gameplay - 2D platforming gameplay as Classic Sonic, 2D/3D hybrid gotta-go-fucking-fast platforming as Modern Sonic, Sonic Boom-esque 3D and 2D slower adventure platforming as the Avatar, and a team-up hybrid of Modern Sonic and the Avatar.

Ultimately, that last one is the game’s biggest flaw for me - the two gameplay styles don’t blend nearly as well as Sega thinks they do. It feels weird controlling two characters at once, and because the Avatar is slower than Sonic and doesn’t have a homing attack - they use a grappling hook instead - there’s a weird dissonance. Sonic will often speed ahead of the Avatar, and whenever you try to perform a homing attack, there’s an awkward second that Sonic will be floating in the air next to the Avatar as they fire their hook. The Team Boost function, while cool, feels needless. It’s more of a means to skip large sections of stages rather than actually play through them - and since the move is executed regardless of whether you properly perform the “required” QTE, control of the game is basically ripped from you.

I should note here that I played the game on Hard mode. Normal mode seemed to be “noob mode,” so I decided to try to make the game a little more challenging for myself. I had a blast on this mode, but my experience my vary from someone who played on Normal.

Playing as the Avatar is fun. After the first stage of the game, you’re tasked with creating your furry pal - you choose their gender, their race, their skin color, their fur color, and their voice. Each Avatar race has a different ability - I created a female wolf for my first playthrough, meaning that I drew in nearby rings as I went by them. After you beat the first Avatar stage, you unlock the ability to change their clothes and weapon - and this is where the meat of the Avatar system lies. There are many unlockable Avatar parts that you earn throughout the game. Some are fucking great looking; others, not so much. I spent much longer than I care to admit just customizing my wolf girl to make the cutest outfits I could, so take that for what it’s worth. It also helps that I had the preorder costumes, so my girl ran around in Joker’s coat from Persona 5 along with some Converse and cute gloves.

The Avatar is equipped with a weapon called a “Wispon.” That’s right, folks, the Wisps from Sonic Colors are back. However, with the exception of Yacker, their Hyper-Go-On energy is harnessed for use in the Avatar’s weapon. Each weapon uses a different Wisp to power its ability, and each stage is laden with them. Since the Wisps have no plot relevance yet again, I found this to be a cool excuse to use them - they seem to just be residents of Sonic’s planet now. The Avatar’s stages also have varying routes that can be accessed with different Wispon abilities, thereby upping replay value.

Yacker is used yet again as Modern Sonic’s boost ability. These stages are more of what you expect from Colors and Generations - boost, react to platforming challenges while boosting, occasionally switch to 2D mode for some precision platforming, etc. I did notice, however, that the game seemed to punish me for boosting mindlessly through these stages. I often found myself careening off ledges or right into enemies, causing some rather humiliating deaths. It’s important to note that most of these deaths felt like my fault and not the game’s - I wasn’t paying attention and I was punished for it. This is a huge factor for me. It’s one thing if a death is caused by my carelessness or lack of skill - it’s another if the game throws bullshit at me. Aside from a few instances where something seemed to just come out of nowhere, I felt that the game was fair with its punishment.

I wasn’t fond of the Classic Sonic stages in Generations. Classic Sonic felt weirdly floaty, stiff, and slippery. Those stages felt like a chore to me, and I pretty much only played them to get them over with so I could get to the Modern Sonic stages.

In Forces, Classic Sonic controls very similarly to how he did in Sonic Mania. He even has the Drop Dash ability, which makes him feel like a dream. I very much enjoyed these stages; none overstayed their welcome. While I feel that his involvement in the game’s plot is questionable, these stages were a nice change of pace.

The plot of Sonic Forces is ridiculous. Many of the reviews I’ve read have stated that it’s the worst part of the game, that it sullies the experience, etc. I know I’m in the minority, but I really, unironically enjoyed the story. Yes, like I said, it’s ridiculous, utterly stupid. But the game fucking commits to that shit. Sonic and Eggman are as cocky and arrogant as ever, Tails is still not-so-subtly gay for the Blue Blur, Knuckles and the rest are just kind of there... all of this is par for the course.

The over-the-top part of the story comes in the form of Infinite, the game’s new antagonist. This dude hates all things good, and is basically the culmination of every edgy Sonic OC ever created. He wears a mask, he has one weird demonic eye, he has a gem embedded in his chest that allows him to do crazy shit... while I know that he’s not some commentary on Sonic OCs, I like to think that Sonic Team was at least somewhat self-aware with this guy. Liam O’Brien voices him, which just increases the edge factor tenfold. Sonic is a great foil for him, too - whenever Infinite growls some edgy phrase, Sonic drops a dopey one-liner. Brilliant chemistry.

Let’s actually take a moment to discuss the voice acting. Returning as the voice of Sonic is Roger Craig Smith, who’s now portrayed the Blue Blur for longer than anyone else has, and in more things than anyone else has. If you liked him in the other games or shows where he’s Sonic, you’ll like him here - if you didn’t, then this game probably won’t change your mind. I personally love Smith’s take on Sonic and prefer it over Ryan Drummond’s and (vastly over) Jason Griffith’s. Like in Generations, however, Classic Sonic does not have any spoken dialogue, so he has no voice actor. I think that it’s really cute how he communicates in gestures and facial expressions, so this is a non-issue for me.

Mike Pollock’s Eggman is also as brilliant as always. He doesn’t really throw his voice around here like in the other games, probably because Eggman’s already achieved his goal here. The Eggman Empire is actually finally a thing - it’s so fucking gratifying to see, and Pollock really brings out that raging pride in Baldy McNosehair’s voice.

The rest of the voice cast is great too - Colleen O'Shaughnessey brings good performances for Tails and Charmy (though I can’t help but miss Kate Higgins for Tails), Cindy Robinson is good as Amy, Travis Willingham and Matt Mercer are good as Knuckles and Espio respectively, Karen Strassman really brings it for Rouge, Quinton Flynn is good as Silver, I can’t hear Vic Mignogna behind Omega’s voice filter, so thank the gods for that, you get the point. The voice acting is great.

I want to take a moment to applaud Kirk Thornton for his performance as Shadow. Before this game, I didn’t really care for his portrayal of Shadow. I couldn’t tell you what it was, but something just seemed off. He seemed miscast. This time around, however, he sounds great as Shadow. I still hold that Jason Griffith (yes, he voiced both Sonic and Shadow before the change) gave the best performance, but in my opinion, it seems like Kirk finally found his stride for Shadow in this one.

There are two ways to play as Shadow in this game - the first is through the free Episode Shadow DLC, which serves as sort of a prequel to the events of the game. The second is that when you S rank certain Modern Sonic stages (or all of them, maybe? I haven’t S ranked all of them yet), you can play as Shadow on subsequent run-throughs. As of this writing, I haven’t played through Episode Shadow yet, but I have played as Shadow in two Sonic stages. It may just be me, but he feels different from Sonic - he feels more like he did in Adventure 2, which is great. His boost is also pretty silly to look at.

The music in Forces is top-notch. Classic Sonic stages have a chiptune sound to them, remnicscent of the hedgehog’s 8- and 16-bit adventures. Modern Sonic stages tend to have fast-paced rock soundtracks, as is custom for our green-eyed friend. The Avatar has electronic music in their stages, so expect lots of techno wub.

In all, Sonic Forces is a pretty good package. My playthrough clocked in at about 8 hours, which I’m okay with, but may be a little skint for the $40 price of admission. Still, I had a great time with the game. It scratched the itch I’ve had for years for a good 3D Sonic game. I noticed none of the technical issues that others have pointed out, so take that for what it’s worth. While it may not be perfect for everyone, it was good enough for me.

This year was a great year for Sonic, with games that should satisfy both types of Sonic fans. Sonic Mania and Sonic Forces are both available for PC, PS4, Switch, and Xbox One. Sonic Mania goes for $19.99, while Sonic Forces retails for $39.99.

[pongpalace]

too complicated for simple labels (but they sure do help)

So @ericfuckingbittle​ made these incredible aro!March icons and @abominableobriens​ mentioned something about aro!March in a qpp with Ransom while he’s still dating Holster in their tags and so I projected all my own grey-aro feelings onto March because I’m really not sure there can ever be enough fic about romantic identities and non-romantic relationships.

March has never understood the big deal about crushes.

She’s never had one if she’s being completely honest with herself, always staying quiet when her friends started talking about whose hand they accidentally brushed and if maybe that meant they should ask them to the school dance. There was that one memorable time in the summer before Samwell when March worked at an outdoor summer camp and got tired of staying quiet while her best friend wouldn’t shut up about how much she liked her new boyfriend, how great he was, how Annie still got butterflies when he held her hand, so March said she had a crush on one of the older counsellors. He looked much better when he kept his avatars on and his mouth shut, but his tattoos were pretty cool and with the long days she worked with him, she really didn’t have the time or energy to crush on anyone else and she wanted to try having a crush anyways.

March scraped the crush after the third time she found herself talking about his calves and his ass in the ugly basketball shorts he always wore when Annie and Félix asked her about her crush during one of their biweekly “we’re-overworking-ourselves-now-to-have-money-in-the-school-year-so-treat-yoself” nights. Annie kept talking about the flowers Greg had sent to her desk job, and Félix was going on and on about the eye contact he’d make with a new barista at his favourite coffee shop and March realizes that she never actually wants to talk to her “crush” beyond planning and organizing the activities so the next time it comes up she tells them that she’s gotten over him and that’s the end of March's crush.

♠ ♠ ♠

March goes to a Samwell Pride Society meeting with April at the beginning of the second semester of their frog year. April’s been a part of the Pride Society on campus since they started; she came to Samwell knowing she liked girls way more than she liked guys (“Anything is more than zero,” she’d say with a laugh when the topic of her sexuality came up) and was somehow able to balance being an active member of the club with their volleyball schedule. If she wasn’t at the team house or with March, it was usually a safe bet that April was in the Pride office, tucked away the corner of the Student Union building with the best view of the parking lot. April made sure everyone on the volleyball team knew that they always had an open invitation to go with her to the meetings every week, but because March’s Intro to Geography course in first semester was at the same time, it takes a semester to accept April’s invitation.

The Pride office is exactly what March pictured when she thought of a place for Pride: bowl of condoms and dental dams on the desk; a shelf on the bookshelf stuffed full of pamphlets on how to have safe sex with all genders; boxes of sex toys piled up under a sign that says BINGO PRIZES DO NOT TOUCH (Liam) ; and a giant rainbow flag pinned up on the wall.

“Guys, March; March, guys,” April says, waving a hand at the two guys on the couch before jumping up onto the desk to commandeer the mouse from the gorgeous dark haired girl at the computer.

“Uh, hi guys,” March says to the room at large, moving her arm in a half aborted wave and wishing that April was better at introductions. One of the guys on the couch waves back, cheeks dimpling and nose scrunched like he’s trying not to laugh at her. The other guy pinches him in the thigh and readjusts so they sit closer together, and March takes the invitation to go sit on the couch with them.

“I’m Mason,” the pincher says. He points over his shoulder to the guy whose lap he’s practically sitting in now. “This is Eli. That’s Isabella.” Mason almost knocks Eli in the teeth when he jerks his head back at the girl behind the desk. She looks up from the computer and offers March a warm smile. March finds herself staring as Isabella is drawn back in whatever April is doing on the computer. She shakes herself out of it when more people come into the office and Mason introduces them to March in between bemoaning the updated reading list his advisor has given him for his thesis.

Isabella starts the meeting when most horizontal surfaces have someone sitting on them by acknowledging the land they’re meeting on belongs to the Wampanoag people and thanking them and the Ones who came before them. Beyond that, March loses track of the meeting as they hash out housekeeping details for the upcoming fundraiser. Her eye gets caught on a poster with the same rainbow flag as the one on the wall at the top and a colourful assortment of other pride flags and their meaning underneath.

There’s apparently nothing else on the agenda other than the fundraising problem because as it gets solved, people start leaving. March stands when Mason and Eli stand, leaving with a fist bump and a salute, but April is still at the computer talking with someone so March continues to stare at the poster. She’s stuck trying to work out what aromantic means, when someone clears their throat. She jumps to see Isabella beside her.

“Oh sorry,” Isabella says, tucking a strand of hair behind her left ear from where it’s escaped her braid. “I just wanted to ask if you enjoyed the meeting.” Her smile is even better up close.

“I did, yeah,” March replies. She didn’t hear a word past the greeting, but she thinks she’s learned most of the identities that make up the LGBTQA+ acronym and their accompanying flags, plus some extras that she didn’t even know existed.

“Kinda overwhelming, isn’t it?” Isabella asks. She jerks her chin towards the poster, having seemingly followed where March’s gaze found the green-white-grey-black flag of aromanticism again.

“There’s so many labels,” March says.

Isabella laughs softly. “They’re are good for people who want them. Especially when you’re usually marginalized by the mainstream, it’s nice to have something to claim as yours, y'know?”

March nods absently, not sure she can really relate. Her experience isn’t much to write home about, but she does know that she likes doing things with men and women. No one has ever made her feel bad about either so she never really thought to give herself a label. Bisexual probably fits if she needs one but doesn’t know enough to decisively choose.

“What’s 'aromantic' mean?” March asks suddenly, stuck on the different ending.

“Do you understand what asexuality is?” Isabella asks. March hesitates before she nods, Félix was pretty vague on the details when he told her about himself, so Isabella explains anyways.

“So simply put, asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction right? Aro is basically the same except it’s the absence of romantic attraction.”

“Romantic attraction?” March hasn’t ever heard the two words put together like that.

“Uh, the part of you that wants to like um, date someone. Crushes and stuff.” Isabella gives March a moment to consider that before speaking again. “So you gonna come back to another meeting?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Isabella’s responding smile is dazzling.

After her second Pride meeting, March goes back to the apartment Isabella shares with two other poli-sci majors. They’re almost caught bare-assed on the couch but Isabella was smart enough to lock the deadbolt when they came in so March is able to grab their clothes and run as directed to the Isabella’s room (down the hall, second door on the right) while Isabella wraps herself in a throw blanket to let in her disgruntled roommate. The next time March goes to Isabella’s apartment, the same roommate, March now knows her name is Zoey, pointedly turns up her music when she sees March at the door. Isabella says she likes the feel of March’s blush under her tongue when they’re behind closed doors which only causes the blush to go further; a win for both of them really.

♠ ♠ ♠

April catches March on her way over Isabella’s after practice three months after March’s first Pride meeting.

“Off to Isabella’s?” April asks, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. The effect is ruined by the bruise she’s got across her cheekbone from a spike from the game before last. They won the set off the block so she wears the bruise proudly.

“Don’t wait up,” March replies, wrapping her wet hair into a bun so it’ll stay out of her face.

“Oh damn, it’s getting serious then?” April says.

“No?” March pauses in shrugging on her track jacket.

“Have you DTR?”

“What?”

“Defined the relationship.”

“Why?” March wrinkles her nose. She isn’t sure what to the make of the look April sends her.

“Aren’t you guys like, together?”

“We’re just friends,” March replies slowly, stupidly feeling like it’s the wrong answer even though she knows it isn’t. Her and Isabella aren’t so cliche that they don’t talk when they have sex, or before or after, but the topic of relationships or romance hasn’t ever come up since Isabell’s explanation of aromanticism.

“Oh.” April’s silence feels loaded, but March waits her out with furrowed brows. “You might want to make sure you’re on the same page,” April finally says. March’s frown deepens but she nods and slips her feet into her shoes and leaves the changeroom. She frowns for the entire walk to Isabella’s.

Zoey opens the door when March knocks.

“She’s in her room,” she sighs, rolling her eyes but stepping back to let March in. She goes back to the kitchen table and makes eye contact with March while she puts her headphones back. March can just barely hear a heavy bass coming from them that gets louder as March crosses the kitchen to the hall. She knocks softly on the doorframe, letting herself in when Isabella calls, “come in!”

Isabella, sitting on her bed and dressed only in a sports bra and pajama shorts, smiles when she sees March. “Hey babe, whatsup?”

The epithet makes March’s stomach clench unpleasantly even though Isabella’s called her that before. April also called her babe, but she calls everyone babe and now that March thinks about it, she’s never heard Isabella call anyone else babe.

“Can we talk?” March says instead of hello. She winces at the rudeness and quickly backtracks. “I mean, hey, I’m good. Can we talk?”

Isabella’s smile dims slightly and she stretches to grab the hoodie hangie beside her bed. “Sure.” She pulls it on and doesn’t make room on the bed for March to sit but that’s okay; she wouldn’t sit anyways.

March takes a deep breath. “Are we dating?”

Isabella’s smile is completely gone. “I’m gonna say no now, but know my answer’s changed in the last 2 minutes,” she says carefully.

“I’m aromantic.” March hasn’t said the words out loud before, but the more she thought about it after learning the word, the more the label settled in her bones. Saying it out loud lifts something from her shoulders and she can breathe deeper. March understood now what Isabella had originally meant by the labels being good for people; she just forgot that other people might find knowing your labels is helpful.

Isabella’s expression softens. “Oh.”

“I didn’t mean to lead you on,” March says. “I just uh, kinda thought it was the same for you?” Retrospectively she realizes how naive that is. She forces herself to look up from floor that she made the confession to and sees hurt flash across Isabella’s face. “It wasn’t just sex!” March blurts, stupidly realizing too late how that might’ve sounded. “I really do care about you. I just don’t have uh, feelings for you. And I don’t think I ever will.”

“I know what aromanticism is,” Isabella says softly. She’s looking down at the bed, idly picking at a loose thread.

“I’m sorry,” March says again.

“S’not your fault,” Isabella replies. “Not really.” She quiet for a beat. March watches her jaw work before she finds the words she needs. “I really care about you too. But... we can’t keep doing this.” She motions between them.

March nods. “I’m really sorry.” It comes out as a little more than a whisper. She meant what she said about really caring for Isabella and will really miss her as a friend.

She listened and laughed loudly at March’s jokes even when March laughed through the punchline. They had different enough movie tastes that netflixing and chilling sometimes turned out to just be netflixing and honestly, March will miss having someone to hang out with outside of her teammates.

Isabella must hear something in March’s voice because she gets up off the bed and pulls March down for a hug. “We’ll still be friends,” she says into March’s collarbone. “I just need some time to get over this.”

“‘Kay,” March says, mostly into Isabella’s bun. Isabella runs a hand up March’s spine once, twice, three times, before giving March a final squeeze and stepping back, well out of March’s space.

“I’ll see you around,” she says, smiling for the first time since it was wiped off.

“Not if I see you first.” It’s cheesy but it makes Isabella’s smile turn more sincere when March says it. She manages a real smile back too.

She leaves Isabella’s room, ignoring the questioning look from Zoey and letting herself out of the apartment. The walk back to her dorm is darker than normal, even though it’s not nearly as late it usually is when she makes the walk. She knows that she did the right thing but she’s still sad about having to do it.

If this what not getting crushes feels like, she can’t imagine actual romantic feelings being much fun.

♠ ♠ ♠

March meets Justin at a Student Athlete Leadership Seminar at the beginning of sophomore year. His name tag says Justin but he introduces himself as Ransom when they’re partnered together for the trust obstacle course. March eyes him skeptically at the discrepancy but he easily leads her around the course when it’s her turn to be blindfolded even after she accidentally makes him stub his toe. He’s really good at all of the other teamwork exercises disguised as games too. The woman running the morning session makes sure to compliment their teamwork, and March can admit the high five they exchange is pretty epic.

They sit together during lunch where March learns that “Ransom” is his hockey nickname because, “Bro, Ransom just rolls nicely off the tongue, y’know?” He spends the rest of the break trying to come up with a nickname for her and is weirdly frustrated when nothing sticks.

“What’s your last name?”

“Kobierzyńska.”

“Bless you.”

“That’s rude.”

“Right, sorry.” Justin sounds surprisingly sincere. “I can’t make a nickname outta something I can’t pronounce.” He taps at his bottom lip. “You’ll get one though, don’t worry,” he promises as they take their seats back in the auditorium for the lecture portion of the seminar.

“I’m really not that worried,” March tells him. The wounded noise he makes causes several people to whip around in their seats to shush him, causing March to stuff her fist in her mouth to stifle her laughter.

The lecture actually starts, and Justin is focused, though he mumbles to himself when the lecturer makes points he doesn’t agree with. March is inclined to second Justin's mumbles; the frat boy wannabe 40-year-old giving the lecture seems to have a lot of opinions about women’s sports in college for someone whose career never brought him close to actual women athletes.

“Well that was a waste of an afternoon,” Justin says when they’re allowed to leave.

“It was a full day thing,” March points out, squinting into the setting sun as they leave the building. They walk in the same direction without talking about it.

“Yeah, but the morning was okay. We kicked ass at the games!”

“They weren’t games. And it wasn’t a competition.”

Justin scoffs. “They were. Games rolled up as ‘trust exercises’-” he actually makes the quotation marks, two at the beginning with his left hand and two at the end with his right. “-are still games no matter how they’re packaged to make it seem like we were learning something.”

“Well I don’t know about you, but I learned a lot in the afternoon,” March sniffs, unable to keep a straight face for long.

“Fuck off.” Justin's grinning when he shoves March’s shoulder. She laughs brightly as she bounces off and then on the sidewalk.

They get dinner together at the dining hall, and Justin continues his pursuit of a nickname for March.

“Greater men than you have tried,” March tells him. “I’m unnicknameable.”

“Unnicknameable March?” Justin tries.

“‘S an oxymoron.”

“That’s what makes it funny.”

“No.”

When Justin has to run off to a late practice, he asks for her number just in case he thinks of anymore nicknames. March laughs at the excuse but happily gives him her number. Almost immediately Justin starts their message thread when he texts her about the unfairness of preseason practice with a captain who doesn’t believe in excuses. March has little sympathy for him, Becka has started the year with her sights set on a winning title and hasn't relented yet but comparing captain stories between sports is fun.

Volleyball season is in full swing so March doesn’t get to as many Pride meetings as she did last year. When she make it to events though, Isabella always has a smile for her, though it’s not quite the same smile as before. March will take it though; she missed her over the summer but understood there were boundaries she needed to respect.

April becomes the second person to know March that is aromantic during a tournament roadie and neither can sleep. March speaks into the darkness of their hotel room and April is quiet for so long that March starts to think their shared nervous silence hasn't actually been all that shared after all. April eventually replies and is exactly as supportive a best friend needs to be, though it takes a couple tries for her to completely understand the term.

“But you’ve had sex.”

“Yeah.”

“With Isabella.”

“Yeah. And other people.”

“And did you like her?”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same thing.”

“...start from the beginning again.”

“Okay, like, I liked--like Isabella. I like talking with her, and watching movies with her, and kissing and having sex but none of the feelings I have for her are romantic.”

“But that’s what Kara and I do and we’re very romantic.”

“Yeah but none of that is exclusively romantic.”

“Ohhhhhhhh."

The win the tournament that weekend.

♠ ♠ ♠

Through their excessive texting and snapping once they find each other on all social medias, March and Justin discover that they’re taking the same anatomy class, though in different sections. Weekly study dates become a thing that turn into twice weekly and then three times weekly right before midterms. Midterms finish and November hits and the hockey season is in full swing, completely overlapping the volleyball season and there’s a weird week or so where Snapchat is the only way they see each. After they have a weekend long sleepover to catch up, it’s volleyball finals and Justin brings half the hockey team to cheer when Samwell ends the season in first place. Then it’s Christmas and the new semester and Justin and March sit next to each other in the second half of their anatomy class. Their matching notebooks were gag Christmas gifts from Holster that they unironically use with the fancy pens they gifted each other.

Anatomy gets cancelled in the first week of February and because of their other class workloads, March doesn’t see Justin in person for a couple days. April tells March that she’ll never miss Justin because when he’s not there, March doesn’t shut up about him.

“Sounds like someone’s got a crush,” Nora says from across the cool down circle as March is telling April and Becka about the plans she had with Justin, froyo, and a movie that night.

March frowns at the word crush, her stomach swooping down.

“Not everything has to be about romance,” April tells Nora.

“Thanks A,” March mumbles, wondering if she’s been wrong in assuming a crush had nothing to do with her and Justin’s relationship.

Justin is hands down one of her best friends. They’re in contact constantly and he’s one of the first people March wants to talk to when she gets any sort of news. He knows her order at Annie’s and Denny’s--and she makes a lot of substitutions to the grand slam breakfast. He comes to her dorm if they both need a break from their respective teammates, to watch episodes of How It’s Made with her. They alternate who gets to be the little spoon depending on who has more deadlines that week.

March values her friendships with Félix and Annie and April and most of the volleyball team but she’s pretty sure none of them get her on a level like Justin is able to- he picks around the sun chips when they share a bag of Munchies just because he knows those are her favourite, while simultaneously handing her the orange skittles because he hates them and she doesn’t. And March has met the guys on the hockey team and no offence but they either have no emotions or too many emotions. She thinks Justin finds some relief from both extremes when they hang out together, but now she's wondering if maybe there's been another reason they spend as much time as they can together.

“I gotta go,” March says, getting up out of the butterfly stretch she’d been thinking in. April has wide eyes and kicks at Becka when she tries to stop March.

In the change room, March barely stops to pull sweats over her spandex. She doesn’t zip up her jacket over her crewneck sweater until she’s hit by a blast of February wind and even then she tries to do it up while she walks but just ends up fighting with the zipper for the entire walk to the Haus. She knocks on the door as she’s opening in, waving to Bitty and Jack in the kitchen, saluting Holster and Shitty on the green couch before taking the stairs to the attic two at a time, almost 90% sure that’s where Justin will be based on her familiarity of his schedule. He jumps at his desk when she practically kicks open the door.

“Jesus H. Christ you scared me,” he says, leaning the chair back on two legs like he does when he's ready to take a break from his books but hasn't let himself yet. “I thought I was supposed to come to yours?” His smile is confused but he doesn't look made about the interruption.

March crosses the room and knocks the chair back to four legs with a foot on the rung before she speaks. “Are we dating?” she asks. A wave of deja vu hits her, but Justin’s cheeks colour differently than Isabella’s did.

“Uh, no.” Justin draws the last syllable out while looking guiltily over at the bunk beds him and Holster share.

All the muddled up feelings that powered March’s walk in the cold over disappear and she can breath again knowing that she hasn’t accidentally hurt a friendship by not having romantic feelings again. She’s left with such a sense of relief that it drains her and it’s suddenly an effort to stay standing so she sinks onto the floor.

“Oh thank god.” She leans her head back against the desk, ignoring how uncomfortably her pony tail pushes into her head. The chair scrapes back as Justin joins her on the floor, but he sits, facing March. He grabs March’s ankle and rubs his thumb along the skin between her sock and sweat cuff.

“Um?”

“I’m aromantic,” March says and oh, it rolls off the tongue nicely the third time around too. “It’s like asexual except I can be sexually attracted to someone but I don’t understand or have romantic attraction.”

“Okay?” Justin’s thumb stills for a beat before continuing.

“I was talking about our froyo date night at practice-”

“Because it’s awesome.”

“-and Nora said I had a crush on you. And I don’t.” March makes a face, kicking half-heartedly when Justin clutches his chest like she actually offended him. “I mean I would if I could probably. I just... don’t. I love you but I don’t want to date you.”

Justin’s quiet as he processes. His thumb starts up again. “Same. I mean, I love you too but I don’t want to date you either,” he finally says. He inhales. “I’m dating Holster.” Justin blows the breath out of his nose.

March blinks, “Oh, wow. Uh, congrats.” The news manages to be surprising and unsurprising at the same time. Holster and Justin work just as well together as Justin and March.

“Thanks,” Justin blushes. He has a really dopey smile on his face. “It’s like really new- I was gonna tell you tonight actually, but…" He shrugs, trailing off. "I’m really happy.” The admission comes with a small smile that makes March's heart happy.

“I’m glad.” March surges forward and wraps her arms around Justin’s neck. His hugs are probably her favourite bar-none. “Does that mean froyo date nights have to stop?” She’s only half joking.

“Oh no,” Justin is quick to reassure. March can feel him playing with her pony tail. “Holzy knows you’re my other best friend. He’ll just probably want to come cuddle more.”

“Only if I’m the middle spoon.”

Her pony tail tickles her neck when Justin sighs into it it. “Only every second cuddle sesh.” He squeezes her once more before pulling back. March grabs his face when he makes to get up off the floor though, keeping him in place.

“Thank you,” she says seriously.

“Welcome,” he replies. He kisses her forehead before getting up and that’s not something he’s ever done before, but neither of them have ever said "I love you" to the other either.

“Froyo?” Justin holds out a hand. March lets him pull her up and she zips up her jacket properly while he struggles into his. They race down the stairs, almost taking out Jack in the process. Justin shouts a sorry, bro-ing up what little Canadian accent he has from Toronto, and fist bumps Holster on his way out. Holster offers his fist to March too. She bumps, and even does the explosion that the end just to make Justin laugh. Holster insists they try a three way first bump so it’s another 10 minutes before March and Justin are out in the cold, on their way for froyo.

Crushes to March are an abstract concept, kinda like the concept of doing her dishes right after she dirties them. She doesn’t understand crushes or romantic feelings and it’s sitting across from Justin, who’s got a red ring around his mouth from trying to lick the bottom of his container but gamely offered March a bite of his pineapple froyo when he thought she’d like it, that she really feels okay with that.

She doesn’t need a romantic partner when she’s got the friends she does.