#doctors are Not Good at treating sleep disorders in children i tell you what

[pooklet]

I see a fellow chronic sleepy bitch disease sufferer. A fellow Narcoleptic Sims 2 player?

Chronic insomnia/fatigue in my case! Yet may we all find shelter under the Sleepy Bitch Disease umbrella. 🙏

[shoujoboy-restart]

> Accommodation is not just random stuff you want.

Yessss come thought autism speaks realnesss yaaaaas.

> People with dissociative identity disorder don’t get their different personalities acknowledged at school or work.

Objectively speaking, yes they have to for their own and the person's wellbeing, the main side effect of the dissociation between personalities is memory loss, from a couple.minutes to months and years even, if a person with DID was to get a office job or go to a school not only for their well being people should learn their identities but the person with DID needs to allow their personalities to dissociate in-between calmly and without resistance as to minimize or mitigate the memory loss effect.

And legally speaking, umm yes, they absolutely need to, in many countries having romantic or sexual relationship with a person with DID, and taking advantage of one of their identities knowingly or not, can get you a rape charge or in legal trouble.

> This specific idea of fairness doesn’t matter anyways.

YAAAAS COME SISTER GET IRRATIONAL FERVENTLY AND INCESSANTLY MAD AT THE FISH FOR NOT CLIMBING OMG PERIOOOOOOOOOOD SNATCH MY WIG(if god is good he won't give you any dyslexic children to homeschool)

> Illnesses being treated a certain way doesn’t mean all and every illness needs to be.

We are talking about disorders not illnesses, "illness" inherently implies a external wrong that should be eliminated or mitigated, "disorder" just means something that's not common or regular. Again, people got executed in electric chairs(autism) and thousands of molested, trafficked and violently mistreated toodlers never got justice as adults(DID)il because we followed that innacurate mindset that only entertains societal comfort instead of people in need. Again god exists and is good they won't curse neurodivergent or disabled children to be in your hands.

> Transsexuality was accommodated before.

When? During the Reagan era that barred trans individuals from accessing federal healthcare with the bipartisian regulation manipulation of radfem Janice Raymond?were trans man Robert Eads in his 50s wasn't allowed to surgically transition "because of his health" but left to die with a metasized ovarian tumor in 1999 "because no doctor worth his name would touch a transsexual"? In the same era where trans woman and deag queen Krystal Labeija who was vocally fighting against the anti-black racism segregation of gay spaces and died from black market estrogen since the federal ban also didn't allow her to get medicine most likely? Or just miss Joanna the Billionaire we are denying Nazi crimes against the trans and gay people?

> But since it was this way, now children are being transed and men got on women’s sports teams.

I mean some states see "children" in this trans debate as full on 19yo so suuuuure babe suuuuuuuuuuure. Also you do realize states with medical rights for minors, specially states with high hates of child abuse, neglect, incest and rape will by default include some trans medical services right? Not like trads taking away civil rights form children ever took a night sleeps from them?

> Now there are laws coming up to stop transgender people from doing these things.

Which they seem to be used more for harassing and humiliating black women and normalize sexual inspection in little girls, but again, is not like trads ever lost a night's sleep-

> Trans people are special because they are both very ill and made themselves special

"IM NOT MAKING TRANS PEOPLE SPECIAL AND BETTER THAN THE REST" said the person using a completely different terminology no professional agrees with using because it's innacurate to make trans people unique and deserving of different treatment than the the generalizwd demographic they belong in...

> (context: getting miffed over a joke) Refer to what I said to that other person about trans memes.

...autism is harder to be diagnosed in women by professionals, but a pretty universal tell is a inability to understand sarcasm, social cues, irony and non-literal language, good luck with that ❤️🥰😘

[my-wayward-son]

I’m not usually one for memories, but timehop caught me on this one. Four years ago, I was babysitting my parents’ cat. I love that cat with all my heart.

The flannel shirt I’m wearing in the photo is the same flannel shirt I was wearing the day I ran away to be with DD (January 2019). It’s also the shirt that matches one of JW’s (Mr. BFF and coworker from where I used to live) favorite ties, and we used to arrange to coordinate, just to be silly.

By October 2018, I’d already had this blog going for over a year. I’d had Starbucks Sunday going for about a year. My big writing project that month was “Are You with me after all,” an Irondad & Spiderson story delving into the personal and the political as the media swelled with the Me Too movement.

The following month, I experienced my first status migraine, yet I put every spare minute into writing, completing both the Novemeto challenge and NaNo, with 30 one-shots, a 70k word book, and a 90k total.

That is not bragging. That is not me begging for sympathy. That was me, four years ago, being a stupid twenty-five-year-old, experiencing the onset of fairly severe Bipolar disorder, using lack of situational awareness (blame autism a little, my selfish ass a lot) to my advantage, and caring only about my statics.

Riding mania is not equal to more productivity.

Riding depression is not equal to resting.

Abusing (OTC) drugs does not put the body back into a “regular” schedule. Taking something to sleep, then taking something to wake up, then living on protein powder and instant coffee because food is a waste of time… it’s not sustainable.

Sometimes crutches are needed. The same with time-outs. Float for a while and let the anxious fizzle out somewhere else in the brain, somewhere under the soft lights and music.

Same with activity. DD is immensely strong, and she has actually carried me outside to sit on the back porch. I like to test the weather report. Look at the app. Then I go to the nearest window to see if it’s right. My kid likes to help. But it’s good just to move. To make a thought that’s unrelated to you. Geez, the sun is bright. Shit, it’s raining again…

Now, I’m not telling anyone what to do. I don’t know how to manage or cure any mental illness. I can just pass on descriptions of what happened to me at my lowest points, and explain what went wrong. It’s like… a police investigation, sort of. Now that I have proper medication and a support system and doctors who look after me, we can look back on my behavior and thoughts and what I was doing four years ago so we know how I derailed and how to prevent it from happening again.

I’m not fixed. Not cured. That’s impossible, unfortunately. It’s hard to manage constantly fluctuating mental health with a migraine condition and metabolic and gastric issues as well. Sometimes it’s hard to tell them all apart and treat the correct problem. I’m so lucky to have DD and our children and our roommates for their consistent love and care. Nothing gets easier, but it is better.

Four years ago I was an idiot about to crash and burn, but, the moment I took this photo, I didn’t know that yet. I was just doing whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. Because I thought I thought I could. Drink my parents’ beer and work on Inktober and tap away on my computer and hang out with the world’s loveliest orange tabby.

Take the chances when you can. Do what you want. But learn, too. I would say listen to your body, but reality is that we also have to learn to care for bodies that don’t speak up. Take care of your loved ones. Let them show you how to take care of you.

My parents’ cat gets wet food in the morning and evening, and his dry kibble and water bowl are filled as needed. Scoop the litter box daily. Let him sleep in the bed with you.

Caring for people is not that simple. But learning the basics is a good, solid start.

[myhauntedsalem]

13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps

Death, illness and tragedy have long been part of the history of insane asylums, and for as long as they have existed, so too have the scary stories associated with them. From haunted hospitals to sadistic doctors and nurses, psychiatric wards have been the inspiration for many of our favorite horror movies and books. Yet, the true stories told by the psych ward workers below far surpass any horrors that we might have seen at the cinema or read in a book.

Without further ado, here are thirteen of some of the creepiest psych ward stories on the internet that have been shared by health care professionals.

1. Holding her own Eyes

My mom told me this story from her time at a neuropsychiatric ward while she was in grad school. She was making her routine room checks and happened upon the most horrific scene I’ve ever heard.

This was during the night shift, and generally, all the patients’ bedroom doors should be closed. So my mom turned a corner and noticed an open door. She saw a staff member’s legs on the floor, halfway out the doorway.

When she looked into the room, she saw the patient, a woman with a severe postpartum psychiatric disorder, who had just gouged both of her own eyes out with her bare hands. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding her eyes in her hands.

The first staff member to witness the scene, who was now lying face down on the floor, had a heart attack when he first witnessed the woman while he was making his rounds.

My mom screamed for help and frantically tried to perform CPR on the staff member. All the while, the woman just sat rather calmly, holding her own eyes.

2. The Saw

I work as a psychotherapist in a hospital system. My definition of creepy is probably quite a bit different from other medical professionals.

The one that got to me the most was a patient who came to us after attempting suicide by sawing both his arms off at the forearm with a table saw. His arms were reattached, fairly successfully too, with only limited impairments in mobility. All I could think was how bad it would have to be to live in his head that sawing his arms off seemed better than that.

He has since completed suicide.

3. Jane?

We had a young lady in our custody with quite a few issues. We’ll call her Jane. Jane’s first night at our facility staff doing a bed check found Jane in a puddle of blood. Turns out Jane had been slicing the skin around her shin with her finger nails and was pulling her skin up her leg, essentially de-gloving her calf.

Jane also had a ritual she performed every night before bed. While in her room she would run between walls in her room touching them in a crucifix pattern. After doing this for a few hours she would sit on her bed and go to sleep. This particular night Jane was frantic in her pace, practically running between walls. Our night staff observed the entire interaction and reported Jane screaming late into the night. When the staff went to check on Jane she reported Jane standing in the doorway smiling. The staff asked what was wrong and Jane replied, “what makes you think you are speaking to Jane?”

4. The Vampire

My mom worked in mental institutions in her younger years (and actually worked at a large, well-known asylum before it was shut down.)

There was one woman there that thought she was a vampire of sorts. She was only allowed out one hour a day, and they had to use safety precautions. She had already attacked and killed at least one hospital worker before these were enacted.

When my Mom asked about her, it was revealed that she had killed at least two of her children, wounded another as well as her husband because she had some sort of physical condition called Porphyria, which apparently made her crave blood.

By the time that they discovered there was something physically wrong with her, she already had lost her mind from guilt and grief.

5. The Spitter

I’m not a psychologist but my friend is. She told me about a patient of hers who was HIV positive and a paranoid schizophrenic. He thought that the nurses who worked at the hospital he was in were trying to kill him, so he would frequently bite his tongue, and spit HIV positive blood into their faces/mouths. When they had to come into contact with him, they were required to wear full masks and gloves.

6. The Only One

I once knew a woman who had spent part of her residency at a psychiatric hospital for people with severe mental conditions. Apparently, the grounds had a lovely, enclosed greenhouse. One day, one of their schizophrenic patients was sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette, as a heron frantically flew around. It had found its way in and, not being able to escape, it was smashing into the large panes of glass. The man just sat there watching.

Finally, my counselor asked him if the bird was bothering him and he kind of sighed and said, “Thank god, I thought I was the only one seeing that.”

7. Family Photographs

My sister is the director of a psychiatric hospital. There was recently a lady there who would cut her arms, legs and torso open and place photographs of her family under her skin.

8. Under the Bed

Once, a fellow female patient told me she found writings under her bed. They were just old, small wooden bed frames with hard mattresses that would make all kinds of noises when you rolled over, but I still wondered what exactly she was doing lying under her bed to find these writings.

When she first told me, I thought it was a joke. But sure enough, one day during group we managed to sneak away, and she showed me. Indeed, there were stories written under her bed. After that, we had everyone check under their own beds, and there was more writing under every single bed.

They were stories of patients who had stayed here before, or ways they were planning on killing themselves, or who the good and bad nurses were. It creeped me out.

9. Time of Death

Well, my mother was a nurse that specialized in geriatrics, and she worked for several hospice hospitals for many years. She often described situations at her work with several of the patients. She would say that each person tends to have a very similar “checklist” that they follow right before death. This checklist often ended in a very similar way.

They would get caught talking to someone that wasn’t there. When asked who they (otherwise lucid people) were talking to, they would describe an individual who was already dead. When asked what they were talking about, they would say that their relative wanted to know if they were ready to move on. A pretty common response would be, “Yeah, he/she said that she will take me tomorrow at 3:00.” Well, it would often happen that they would die at the exact time their relatives quoted.

10. The Test Subject

I had an hour-long conversion with a delusional guy who was confined to a mental health facility, and who was probably smarter than I am. Lots of these folks believe that somebody – often the CIA – is either beaming thoughts into their heads, or has implanted a microchip in their brains for this purpose. This guy was offering a very thoughtful argument as to why such claims should not be so quickly dismissed.

“It’s precisely because such delusions are so common that mental patients make the best test subjects,” he said. There he was, confined and protected, constantly observed, his health and behavior documented, and there is zero chance that anyone would ever take his concerns seriously. How else would you test and improve such technology? Does the government not have a strong motivation and a plausible ability to create such a device?

“You can see I’m not irrational,” the man said. “I’m just straight-up telling you that they are doing this to me. I know just how unbelievable it sounds, and yet, here I am.”

11. The Boy who Loved Knives

As a tech in psych years ago, there was a 7-year-old kid sent to the floor because the mom didn’t know what to do with him. Sadly, common thing to happen, even if the kids don’t have psych issues. Anyway, the mom was shaking and crying, and they had to take the kid into another room. She was genuinely afraid of her own son. She had suspected something was wrong when she kept finding mutilated animals in the backyard, but never heard or saw coyotes or anything around. The neighbors smaller pets started disappearing. The boy had an obsession with knives, hiding them around the house. Denying anything when the mom confronted him. Then when the two started getting into arguments, he would get really violent and hit her, push her down and kick her, threaten to kill her. On multiple occasions she woke up in the middle of the night with him standing beside her bed, staring her in the face. She put extra locks on her bedroom door to feel safe while she slept. The last straw was when she lifted up his mattress and found 50+ knives of all shapes and sizes under there. So she brought him to us.

I remember talking to him, treating him like he was just any other kid that came through. He seemed remarkably normal, until you spoke directly to him. He had this way of looking right through you, or maybe like he didn’t see you at all while you were speaking.

He would respond like a robot, like he was just saying words because that’s what we wanted to hear. And he would always put on this creepy, dead-looking smile. Like all mouth and no eye involvement in the smile. Especially when he would get away with something, like taking another kid’s markers and they couldn’t figure it out. Still gives me chills laying here thinking about him.

I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath.

12. The New Mom

I was a pharmacy technician at a hospital with a psych ward for some time. We would have to go around with a cart and dispense the patients’ medications, and being a 5’2″ girl, a security guard or male nurse would accompany me, just as a precaution. I never had any real issues other than the occasional death grip onto my arm or manic outbursts, but there was one boy who was entirely different.

His chart said he was nine and he had pale skin, dark hair, and huge bright, green eyes. He always greeted me in the most polite way, asked how I was doing, and always found something different to compliment me on every time. He was extremely well-spoken and mature for his age, so I began looking forward to seeing him, as normal small talk is definitely cherished in that setting. If he saw me outside of his room in the halls, he made sure to say hello and always called me “Miss Jones” or “ma’am.”

One day, a couple of our female nurses saw me pause to chat with him in the hallway, and waved me over to ask if I was out of my mind. Apparently, when he was in kindergarten, he grew an intense attachment to his young female teacher.

This escalated to the point of him calling her “Mom” and leaving notes for her about how he wished he were her son. He had a normal home-life with both parents, and the teacher tried to explain to him that she couldn’t be his mom because that would hurt his real mother’s feelings, and that she already had that job covered.

So, he went home and, killed his own mother in her sleep by cutting her throat, so his teacher could be his mom. The female staff had a general rule of not interacting with him excessively to prevent any kind of attachment from forming.

13. Bugs

Nothing I can say can possibly describe the year I worked in Psychiatric Intensive Care. Creepy isn’t the thing that comes to mind when I think back on it…more heartbreaking and horrifying. But creepiness was a part of it. Especially evening and night shifts, naturally.

There is always something disturbing about watching someone while they hallucinate. You can tell it is 100% real to them, and something about that makes you believe it, on some level. A lot of stories end with, “and of course, I had to look over my shoulder to make sure”. You see the emotions it brings out.

There was a woman that came in and sat down across the table from me for her admission interview. She had bandages all over her arms and scotch tape over her mouth and ears. She looked very uncomfortable and wouldn’t really sit still. When the nurse would ask her a question, she would peel the corner of the tape back and answer, then stick the tape back on really fast.

We eventually found out that she saw and felt bugs crawling all over her, and they were trying to get inside her body. The tape was to keep the bugs out. The bandages were because some bugs got in and she had to dig them out. She couldn’t sit still because she felt the bugs all over her even while we sat and talked. The worst part was, she had some idea that it was her mind playing tricks on her. Can you imagine going through your life, feeling like someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head, feeling like they’re all over you and getting inside of you to the point that you’re digging chunks out of your flesh in a panic, all while knowing intellectually that none of it is real?

[apollodrome]

1- the logical thinking indicates that the most probably option is usually the correct option, for example, if a man has lung cancer the most likely option is that is lung cancer is related to his tabaquism, the same aplly on this case, if a person with morbid obesity has some kind of circulation problem then the most likely option is that is related to the weight of that person, now about your question, if you wanna know how morbid obesity relates to health problems then my answer is

2 - read a goddanm biology book (or just google it), the answer is right there, you dont need to ask a random person on the internet about that, and guess what, you cannot put links into asks so im unable to give you the link to any kind of article explaining that, if you wanna know the corelation then just search morbid obesity on wikipedia.

---

This ask is about this post where a woman's health issues are blamed by doctors on her weight, so she loses the weight, and when doctors see that her health issues have not gotten better, but have gotten worse, they order tests that they should have ordered months ago.

I think you misunderstand the point of the post. Let's take the obesity out of this. A woman goes to the doctor for severe cramps, sleepiness during the day, memory and balance problems. Doctors refuse to treat her. That's all there is to this issue - a woman has gone to a medical professional with a set of symptoms, and the medical professional did not test her for the conditions that have the above symptoms.

You give me an example in your ask of smokers having an increased risk of lung cancer, so let's apply this analogy here. A smoker goes to the doctor and says, "doctor, I have difficulty breathing, a painful cough that doesn't go away for months, I lost 50 pounds in less than a month, pain in my hands, fingers and chest." These are very common symptoms of lung cancer. So, what you're advocating for, is that the doctor should refuse to order any tests for the patient, tell them to stop smoking, and send them on their way. We know that some health risks are associated with obesity, in the same way that lung cancer is associated with smoking, so should we not be testing those people for those diseases more often?

People whose father has died of heart disease are at more risk of heart disease, so we test those people for heart disease when they mention they have symptoms. People whose family has ADHD are more at risk of having ADHD, so we test those people for ADHD when they mention they have symptoms. Why is obesity any different? If a disease has already developed, losing weight will do nothing except for decrease that initial risk, but it's past that already if they HAVE THE DISEASE. They have to be treated for the disease. Thin people can get heart attacks, and non smokers can get lung cancer or develop asthma, so why do those people go to the doctor with those symptoms and get tested, and obese people don't?

In some of your replies on that post, you have used this Wikipedia page as your source. On the same page, it says,

"While a majority of obese individuals at any given time are attempting to lose weight and often successful, research shows that maintaining that weight loss over the long term proves to be rare." (Wikipedia includes a reference for this, I've linked it here).

I am using the same research you are using to argue my point. If an obese individual walks into a doctor's office with symptoms of a heart condition, and is told to lose weight, they are basically sentenced to death. As we can see above, long term weight loss may lead to more health risks, and is actually very rare in most people (less than 1 in 100 obese people manage to lose the weight and stay at the new weight), and so if a doctor tells an obese person not to come back until she has lost all of the weight, she may actually die before she comes back to the doctor.

Obesity is an issue, and does increase the risks of some conditions. However, according to the same Wikipedia article you and I have both been using,

"obesity has individual, socioeconomic, and environmental causes, including diet, physical activity, automation, urbanization, genetic susceptibility, medications, mental disorders, economic policies, endocrine disorders, and exposure to endocrine-disrupting chemicals."

I don't want to assume you're enough of a heartless monster to say "obese people brought this on themselves and therefore deserve to suffer and die due to medical malpractice" as a response to my above point, but JUST IN CASE YOU WERE, that's a whole lot of people you're condemning. You're condemning children who grow up in poverty and whose parents can only afford McDonald's (cheaper than vegetables in the USA), you're condemning my uncle, who had a deadly thyroid issue that wasn't treated in time (he grew up in Soviet Russia) and messed up his metabolism so bad he currently exercises for 3 hours a day but is still extremely overweight. You're condemning people with pcos, people with hyperthyroidism, people with eating disorders and depression. All of those people, in your opinion, do not deserve medical treatment.

With what we now know, let's summarise.

Fact 1: people who are obese have a higher risk of developing certain disorders, in the same way that someone with a family history of heart problems may develop heart problems, however, no disease is directly CAUSED by obesity and obesity alone. If that were the case, thin people wouldn't get those diseases at all, but I know many thin people with narcolepsy, cancers, and heart issues.

Fact 2: obesity can be caused by many factors, not just eating a lot of junk food. I've already mentioned hyperthyroidism, eating disorders, pcos, and poverty as some of those factors, but there are more. A lot of those factors are not the fault of the obese individual. We also know that once someone is already obese, keeping off weight that they lose is extremely difficult and takes a long time.

Fact 3: when a smoker goes to the doctor with symptoms of lung cancer, they are told to stop smoking, but they are also SCREENED FOR LUNG CANCER and TREATED IF THERE IS LUNG CANCER PRESENT.

Fact 4: according to the woman in the original post, she went to the doctor with symptoms of narcolepsy and other issues, was told to lose weight, BUT WAS NOT TESTED FOR THE DISEASES SHE IS AT RISK FOR, OR TREATED.

Do you see my point now? Yes, obesity is linked to diseases, but that should mean that people who are obese are screened and treated MORE OFTEN, not less or god forbid not treated at all. Preventing obesity by exercising and eating well is something we should definitely do ON A GLOBAL SCALE (better mental health help for people with depression/eating disorders, cheaper vegetables for people in poverty, more education, less fast food places), to decrease our risk of the diseases that obesity is associated with increasing the risk for (type two diabetes, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, certain cancers), but if someone is already obese, weight loss is no longer a cure, and actual treatment needs to be administered. Weight loss was never a cure, it is a PREVENTATIVE MEASURE, and not even a good one according to the evidence I've provided above. Healthy eating and exercise are good preventative measures, but they do not always contribute to weight loss. So why do doctors prescribe weight loss in the form of pills and calorie restriction, rather than eating HEALTHY and exercising? ALSO, if weight loss was a cure, non-obese cancer patients, non-obese people with narcolepsy, and non-obese people with eating disorders would also be told to lose weight rather than given treatment. So why is weight loss the ONLY treatment doctors give obese people? Obesity is much more complicated than a person just eating a lot of junk and getting fat, that's not how it works.

You know how we "eliminate the most probable option"? WE TEST THE PATIENT FOR IT, AND IF THE TEST COMES BACK NEGATIVE WE ELIMINATE THE OPTION. Why was the woman in the post not tested, and why do you advocate for this? Why do you think a group of people deserves medical attention less than others?

Here's another analogy. Wearing a mask and staying six feet away from others is a PREVENTATIVE MEASURE for covid. When a person already has covid, they are not told to wear a mask and stay six feet away from others. They are put in a hospital and treated. What you are advocating for is akin to sending a person with covid symptoms away with a mask, and not treating them at all.

To summarise: correlation is not causation, all people deserve medical help (people who are turned away from doctors a LOT are women, people of colour, and fat people. Medical discrimination needs to be eradicated in all of those cases) and you are in no position to decide who deserves to be treated and who doesn't.

I'm not overweight myself. I just care about people receiving the medical treatment they need and deserve, regardless of what they look like or what other conditions they already may have. I recommend really looking at yourself and examining the biases you have against fat folks, and figuring out how to become better as a person. You seem to enjoy giving unsolicited medical advice, so here's some from me: stop being a dick.

[gremlin-writes-angst]

I strictly want mina angst, no ships all relationships platonic

I want a thing where Mina is struggling with insecurity about being good enough and overworks herself. If you're up for a smidge of Hurt/Comfort, bakusquad takes care of her in the end.

Thank you for submitting!! I call this

Safety Net

1.2 k words

Trigger warning: Insercites( being left behind and not being enough) Skipping meals, overworking, slight talk of anxiety and panic ( separation anxiety disorder)

Let me know if I missed a trigger or if you spot any spelling mistakes.

Feedback is encouraged!!

Click here if you want to see more of my work and follow me for more!

This is my first time writing something like this so I hope you like it.

Everyone is insecure, it’s part of being human. And even though she may consider herself to be alien-like, Mina is a human with insecurities. Ironically a large part of her insecurities come from having insecurities. She is self-confident in her looks, her talents, her studies, even if she’s not at the top she knows that she works hard and she’s proud of what she can accomplish. Her insecurities come from her memorability, as much as she hopes, not everyone is remembered by everyone they meet, but she wishes she was. It sounds selfish when putting it simply like that which is why she never shared her thoughts with others.

Separation anxiety disorder is what the doctors would call it. She was diagnosed with it when she was below the age of five. She no longer takes it as seriously because there’s a belief that only children have separation anxiety with their parents. She doesn’t want to accept the fact that even as a teenager, she still experiences the anxiety of being left behind and forgotten with someone she built a connection with.

She doesn’t realize that the tight feeling in her chest, refusing to let the air out of her lungs, is the anxiety of being separated. Every time her friends leave to go to their side of the dorm building, it returns, along with the thoughts that encourage her insecurities.

“They’re not going to sleep, there going to hang out without you”

“Here that laugh as they walk away, away from you, that’s the happiness of not being with you”

“They’ll never return to you by choice.”

As much as she wants to shove the thoughts out and label them as stupid, she can’t lie to herself, as she did before. She had similar thoughts before, about her middle school friends, she protected them, laughed with them, disclosed plans. Then she got into a and the messages faded. SHe always wished them a happy birthday, but when hers came around, the only people wishing her a happy birthday were her new friend. And she loves her new friends but there’s a rotten feeling in her chest when she lays in bed scrolling through Snapchat stories of all her old friend at the same school, same party, all with the same smiles that scream at her

“We are happier without you”

She can’t argue when the evidence is on their faces in billion of posted videos and photos on Instagram of them having more fun than she can remember when she was with them.

She can’t lie to herself about how long her friends will be around. She’s not good enough to be by their side for long. Bakugou might leave her behind when he rises to the hero rank, too busy for a pink idiot like her. Kirishima to kind to ever start up leave her, but he’ll slowly leave her behind for more friends. Sero goes with the flow, the flow that moves toward others leaving her behind. Denki makes so many friends that she’s sure shell gets lost in the crowd. Shinso doesn’t even seem to want to be close with her now. ANd Jiro who has already started to break off from the group and join the band group more. Those are the preferable endings because as aspiring heroes there’s almost a guarantee of losing her friends in a more permanent way. She’s just trying to build herself a safety net of other friends so that when the enviably leave shell be safe.

The other way she can prevent them from leaving her side is to become better so that she does deserve to be by their side. She began to train longer, and harder, more often, she trains longer than she sleeps, train harder than her body can keep up. Skipping breakfast, to train, skipping lunch to train, skipping dinner, to train, skipping sleep to train, skipping study sessions to train. She doesn’t even last a week before her body starts to give up. Her acid being less potent, and less being produced. At the same time her body catches up to her bad decisions, so does her friend.

In the middle of the night, training in an area she found, to avoid being caught by security, she trains, till she hears a crunch of a twig. She whips around ready to defend herself. Bad decision, her body can’t keep up and in a dizzy state, she begins to fall. But is caught, looking up she sees bakugou. He lifts her back up and stays their keeping her up, he’s her safety net.

She looks at where the original sound came from, there stand her friend, Denki, Kiri, Shinsou, Sero, and Jiro. Kirishima carrying multiple packs of Gatorade, and Denki and Jiro carrying snacks, that seem to be protein-based. She corrects her earlier thought, bakugou isn’t her safety net, they all are.

“ Hey Mina, why you so blue, you’re supposed to be pink”

Denki joked, the worry not hidden by the dark as he hoped.

“It’s nothing just thinking and training”

Mina hoped that they were stupid and not realized that what she was doing was self-destructive

“About?” A short and simple question Shinso asked, and yet as much as she wanted she couldn’t answer.

“I can’t say”

“Why?”

Another short and simple question from Shinso

“Cause I don’t like the answer”

It wasn’t his quirk that drew that out of her, it was the trust she built with the members of the group that currently surrounded her

“Are they negative thoughts that are pushing you to work yourself to …”

Kirishima questions, but he couldn’t end the question but everyone knew where he was going. Mina to tired and ashamed to nod, but everyone could see that Kirishima was right.

“ well stop, we’re here to stop them and you so like… I don’t know, murder the thoughts in your brain instead of the tress.”

Mina could tell that bakugou was trying to be comforting, even if he was awkward about it. The squad could tell that the clearing they were in was made from Mina disintegrating trees, and they could all admit to them selfs that she was a force to be reckoned with.

“Yeah, I don’t know if violence is the answer, but we’re here for you, even if you not ready to share why you acted this way”

Jiro spoke up and the rest of the group approached Mina, kirishima offering her one of the Gatorade bottles. He knew what it’s like to work so hard, and he with the help of the group got together a list of items that are supposed to speed up the body’s process and replenish Mina’s health.

Bakugou watched as she sat down, make sure she doesn’t fall. He knew what it was like to be treated weak and though he knew her body was weak at the moment, he also wasn’t going to let her feel that way, cause he had a sneaking suspicion that she was working so hard for that reason. They spent the rest of the night they ate and shred laughs together, Mina knew that they were here for her now and that they weren’t just her friend because of her strength or future status as a hero, they were her friends because they enjoyed her company. Her insecurities didn’t magically disappear that night but they did start to get better over time.

[ghazridha]

Effects of child sexual abuse and treatment of childhood rape victims

 1. Child sexual abuse:

Child sexual abuse can be defined as: “Any sexual act, overt or covert, between a child and an adult, or an older child, by seduction or coercion.” There are many forms of child sexual abuse. Sexual abuse may be temptation by a beloved relative of the child, or violent action by a stranger. Sexual abuse is sometimes difficult to define due to the many different forms and degrees it can take. Regardless of how childhood sexual abuse is, it causes a widespread negative psychological impact on its victims. The nature and intensity of the sexual act cause more serious psychological effects, and may start violently, such as direct rape of a child, or with precursors that include harassment and exploitation. Child sexual abuse violates basic human rights. The sexual experience must take place at the appropriate time of development and within the limits of adult control and choice. Childhood sexual abuse can disrupt normal social development and cause many different psychological and social problems. 

2. Impact of rape on children in the short term: 

In the short term, within two years, child victims of sexual abuse may display regressive behaviors; Such as thumb sucking, bedwetting, sleep disturbances, eating problems, behavior problems, poor performance at school, and unwillingness to participate in school or social activities. Children may feel angry at the abusers, at adults - such as parents and teachers - who fail to protect them, and at themselves for not being able to stop the abuse. 

3. Long-term effects of child sexual abuse: 

The long-term effects of child rape are wide-ranging, and include anxiety-related and self-destructive behaviors such as alcoholism or drug abuse, anxiety attacks, and insomnia. Childhood sexual abuse is associated with higher levels of depression, guilt, shame, self-blame, eating disorders, physical fears and anxiety, patterns of separation, oppression, deprivation, sexual problems, and relationship problems. Depression is the most common long-term symptom among survivors of childhood rape and sexual abuse, and symptoms of depression in survivors of childhood sexual abuse: feeling depressed most of the time, suicidal tendencies, sleep disturbances, eating patterns, and feelings of guilt, shame and self-blame. Victims of sexual assault often have difficulty recognizing the abuse and crime of the other, and therefore think negatively of themselves. After years of negative thoughts, victims feel worthless, and they avoid others because they think they have nothing to offer. What is observed is that women who survive childhood abuse often experience stress, which may manifest in the form of medical and health concerns much more than people who were not sexually abused as children, and it has often been associated with pelvic pain, digestive problems, headaches and difficulty swallowing. Violent forms of child sexual abuse such as rape are associated with fear, cause stress long after the harm has stopped, and oftentimes victims suffer from chronic anxiety, panic attacks and phobias. Some victims isolate themselves to protect themselves from sexual abuse, and as they get older they may continue to use this mechanism to cope with their feelings of insecurity or threat. Victims of sexual abuse as children experience feelings of confusion, nightmares, and ruminations that accompanies them throughout their lives. Sometimes sexual abuse causes trauma that can make the victim forget and suppress the experience as a coping mechanism. The harasser deserves all contempt and punishments, and I advise the parents not to remain silent, confront and defend their children in similar situations, but it seems that the parents are still embarrassed about such issues, or perhaps they have also been exposed, so interfering or talking about the issue causes sadness or pain. There is no need to hate your family or men in general. One person did it in such cases and the inability to transcend. You must consult a psychiatrist to deal with its effects so that it does not affect the future, and tell the mother since she did not appoint you. It is your right to see a doctor or psychiatrist to remove the damage as much as possible. 

4. Sexual harms of child sexual abuse: 

Child sexual abuse causes short- and long-term sexual harm to victims, the most important of which are: 

- Avoidance or fear of sex. 

- Treat sex as a commitment and a task. 

- Suffering from negative emotions such as: anger, guilt and disgust with touch. - Difficulty with sexual arousal or feeling a sensation. 

- Emotional emptiness, or the feeling that it is not there during sex. 

- The urgency and pressure of intrusive or disturbing sexual thoughts and images. 

- Engaging in compulsive or inappropriate sexual behaviors. 

- Difficulty establishing or maintaining an intimate relationship. 

- Other effects... 

A study conducted on the prevalence of impotence in the United States revealed that victims of sexual abuse face more sexual problems than the general population, and they found that male victims of sexual abuse in childhood were more likely to have erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and decreased sexual desire, and that women were more likely to suffer from sexual disorders. Excitement. It should be noted that in all the effects of childhood sexual abuse, the reactions and experiences of each victim are different, and there are no single symptoms among all survivors, so it is important that clinicians focus on the individual needs of the survivor. 

5. Objectives of treatment of raped children and victims of sexual abuse:

Victims of rape and childhood sexual assault need to receive appropriate treatment, which begins with the evaluation of the therapist, and the development of an appropriate treatment plan, and there are many goals for treating the victims.

 - A useful goal is to increase the victims' sense of control and control over their lives.

 - Strengthening the feeling of safety and relieving feelings of guilt.

 - Encouraging relationship building techniques and setting boundaries in dealings. 

- It is important that the therapist or counselor implements the “client empowerment” technique, which is based on building feelings of trust, security and openness with survivors. Because rape and sexual assault come in the form of domination, control and subjugation, it is important for the therapist to let the survivor control the pace and direction of the treatment process. 

- It is critical to help survivors process, detect, and express anger, because anger can be used to help the survivor feel empowered and empowered, set boundaries, and enhance self-efficacy.

 - A counselor helps sexual assault survivors reframe their anger into feelings that can be used to help identify their rights and needs, and use their anger for productive action and behavior. 

 6. The future of the child's emotional and intimate relationships after rape:

 Studies have shown that the better the survivor is in adapting to intimate relationships, the lower the degree of depression he has, whatever the severity of sexual abuse. Intimate positive relationships may increase the victims' sense of safety. On helping survivors of childhood abuse to form good relationships, we mention some important points:

 - Helping sexual assault survivors acquire skills that will help them find and develop supportive relationships, especially with a romantic partner, including helping them to better adapt to and strengthen and develop intimate relationships. 

- It is important that the victim's partner also learns about the long-term effects of pedophilia, and learns ways in which they can actively participate in the healing process. 

- Counselors can help couples communicate, trust, respect, and equal in their intimate relationship. 

- The couple's therapeutic goals include resolving issues related to physical and emotional well-being, dismantling traumatic memories, increasing trust between survivor and partner, and participating in appropriate social contact. 

- Due to the sensitive and vulnerable nature of sexuality, therapists are advised to resolve general psychosocial problems before treating survivors' sexual problems. 

- Survivors are more likely to experience success in sexual and relationship counseling after overcoming feelings of abuse and acquiring skills in areas such as assertiveness and self-awareness. 

In the end Child sexual abuse has many painful effects in the short and long term, in addition to the chronic sexual effects, and needs the appropriate therapist and treatment plan that deals with the psychological, social and sexual effects of the victim

[mikeandjones]

What is Ritalin For and How to Use

Ritalin or Ritalin is a medicine that has its active ingredient Methylphenidate Hydrochloride, a central nervous system stimulant, indicated for the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, also called ADHD, purple haze strain, and narcolepsy. 

This medicine is a type of amphetamine that works by stimulating mental activities, so it has become popular among adults who want to study or stay awake for longer. However, this use is not recommended, and these effects are not proven.

In addition to this, methylphenidate can have various dangerous side effects for those who use it without indication, such as nervousness, increased blood pressure, palpitations, buying moon rocks, weed, muscle spasms, hallucinations or chemical dependence. Those can only purchase Ritalin at prescription pharmacies.

What is it for?

Ritalin has methylphenidate, which is a psychostimulant. This medication stimulates concentration and reduces drowsiness, which is indicated in the treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in children and adults.

It can also be indicated to treat narcolepsy, a disorder characterized by the manifestation of daytime sleepiness symptoms, inappropriate sleep episodes and sudden loss of voluntary muscle tone. 

Is Ritalin Good for Memory and Studies?

Ritalin is popular among students who call this medicine 'the intelligence pill' because it helps with memory and concentration, moon rocks, and helps during the study period. However, the efficacy of this medicine in healthy people has never been proven.

In this way, the person can even spend the night awake studying, but the attention will not necessarily improve, silver haze weed, purple haze weed strain, and he may not remember the content the next day.

Therefore, Ritalin should not improve memory and concentration; it is used only to treat diseases such as narcolepsy, attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity, as indicated in its leaflet. If you are a student and need a remedy to stay more awake, you need to increase your retention and concentration.

How to Take Ritalin

1. Attention deficit and hyperactivity

The dosage should be indicated according to each person's individual needs and clinical response, also varying according to age. So the recommended dose of Ritalin are the following:

Children aged six years or older:  should be started with 5 mg, 1 or 2 times a day, increasing the dose weekly from 5 to 10 mg. The total daily amount ought to be administered in divided doses.

The dosage of Ritalin LA, which are the modified-release capsules, is as follows: 

Children aged six years or older:  can be started with 10 or 20 mg, according to medical criteria, once a day in the morning. 

Adults:  For people who still do not have a treatment with methylphenidate, the recommended starting dose of Ritalin LA is 20 mg once daily. For people who already have treatment with methylphenidate, this can continue therapy with the same daily dose. In adults, what should not exceed the maximum daily dose of 80 mg, and in children, our should not exceed Ritalin and Ritalin LA, the amount of 60 mg. 

2. Narcolepsy

Ritalin is only approved for the treatment of narcolepsy in adults. The daily dose is 20 to 30 mg, administered in 2 to 3 divided doses. 

Some people may need a dose greater than 40 to 60 mg, while for another 10 to 15 mg daily, it is sufficient; the attending physician will determine this. People who have difficulty sleeping should not administer the medication at night; the last dose should be before 18 hours. 

 There are essential not to exceed the maximum daily dose of this medicine, which is 60 mg.

Side Effects 

The most common side effects that can be caused by treatment with Ritalin include nasopharyngitis, decreased appetite, abdominal discomfort, nausea, heartburn, nervousness, insomnia, fainting, headache, drowsiness, dizziness, changes in a heartbeat. Heart, fever, allergic reactions and decreased appetite can result in weight loss or stunted growth in children.

Also, because it is an amphetamine, methylphenidate can cause dependence if misused.

The Ritalin is contraindicated in people with hypersensitivity to methylphenidate or any excipient, people suffering from anxiety, silver haze strain, agitation, hyperthyroidism, pre-existing cardiovascular disorders. Severe hypertension, angina, occlusive arterial disease, heart failure, hemodynamically significant congenital heart disease. Cardiomyopathies, myocardial infarction, life-threatening arrhythmias and conditions caused by ionic channel dysfunction.

People with glaucoma, pheochromocytoma; diagnosis or family history of Tourette syndrome; pregnant or breastfeeding.

Seven Things You Didn't Know About The Drug Molly.

Today we want to tell you about the new fashion drug, increasingly popular and wreaking havoc among young people. This is the drug Molly, and in this article, we will see its main characteristics; we will know its effects and potential dangers. Let's start the tour.

1. What is Molly

Molly is not a new drug but a "pure" form of ecstasy. Its main effect is to produce euphoria since it is a stimulant of the nervous system and its use usually occurs in nightclubs and electronic parties.

2. How Molly is Consumed

Molly is consumed orally through pills or capsules, although it has also been seen in lick papers (such as LSD ) or injectable versions. The effect of a dose of Molly on the brain lasts a couple of hours, after which comes a period of unpleasant side effects.

3. What are Molly's Effects on Consumers

Those who use Molly are exposed to various harmful effects, some momentary and some permanent. Among them are a dangerous increase in body temperature, depression, increased heart rate, irrational behavior and possible psychotic behaviors.

4. Molly's Composition

In its pure form, Molly is composed of the so-called methylenedioxymethamphetamine. Most Molly doses are adulterated with other much more toxic substances such as caffeine, cocaine, amphetamines and PCP (phencyclidine).

5. How Molly Acts on The Brain

The action Molly on the brain starts half an hour of consumption. Its primary form of action is several neurotransmitters, causing a release of those who cause pleasure and euphoria as serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine.

6. Who Consumes Molly

Molly's primary consumers are teenagers and young people between 12 and 24 years old, who are just getting started in the world of drugs and use it during parties and concerts, thanks to their feeling of euphoria and disinhibition. Many times it is ingested in combination with energy drinks.

7. Immediate Dangers of Consuming Molly

Many consume Molly as they consider it a safe drug because of its purity, but most doses are mixed with other, even more, dangerous chemicals. When their effects disappear, young people can suffer from seizures, rapid body temperature changes, and even be in a coma. The brain damage may be irreversible.

Did you know this data about Molly? Drugs are dangerous and, as much as some, such as marijuana, have health benefits, most of them are addictive and even fatal.  

Xanax is The Generic Name For Alprazolam.

It is a sedative for the Central Nervous System (CNS) that falls into medications known as benzodiazepines.

This class includes tranquilizers like lorazepam, Valium, and Libritabs. Xanax is prescribed by licensed doctors and is classified as a controlled category IV substance. Manufacturers recommend Xanax for the treatment of tension, nervousness, and panic attacks.

Benzodiazepines are under public investigation mainly for their highly addictive properties. When these drugs were initially developed (Xanax was patented in 1969), pharmaceutical manufacturers declared that they were not habit-forming or not addictive. Still, experience has shown that these are some of the most addictive drugs on the market. 

On The Street, Xanax is Known by The Following Names:

* Bars,

* Stairs, and

* Yellow Trucks

An estimated 3 million people have been taking benzodiazepines daily for more than a year, indicating that patients should be more aware and be more careful not to follow doctors' suggestions blindly when they are recommended and prescribed. Psychoactive medications This statistic also demonstrates, as doctors ignore recommended prescribed information on drugs such as Xanax since the Federal Secretariat of Medicines recommends that Xanax be prescribed for periods of less than eight weeks for the treatment of panic attacks and anxiety.

As with many psychiatric medications (drugs), the original defense and presentation to establish its effectiveness was made by the pharmaceutical company Upjohn (now part of the Pfizer company) and was based on reports from third parties compiled by psychiatrist David Sheehan. He said that Xanax helped his patients suffering from panic attacks, even though previous research had established that benzodiazepines had little or no effect on panic disorders. Pharmacy Upjohn paid Dr. Sheehan for her "investigation" to convince the government to give Xanax approval. The Xanax, and to a lesser extent the Valium, not only causes a feeling of relaxation but initially causes a sense of euphoria and enthusiasm, or a period of much activity followed by an artificial feeling of peace. Many people have reported that after taking Xanax for one to two weeks, they began to manifest physical withdrawal symptoms, mainly headaches that only took off by taking more medication.

This potential addiction is stronger with Xanax Than than any other benzodiazepine. However, the DEA (Agency of the United States Department of Justice that requires compliance with drug and drug regulations) under the Controlled Substances Act classifies drugs according to their potential medical benefit about their potential for abuse. Addiction on a Class I scale, considered highly addictive as heroin, up to Class V. Xanax and the other benzodiazepines are classified as Class IV, which are drugs that have a low potential for abuse, have medical therapeutic acceptance. 

They have a limited risk of physical or psychological dependence. Addiction professionals report that benzodiazepines are so addictive, both physically and psychologically, as opioid-derived painkillers (opiates) and other Class II narcotics. In some ways, Xanax is more problematic than opium-derived pain relievers in which suddenly stopping it can cause seizures, requiring medical help for withdrawal. In contrast, opioid withdrawal is painful but not medically dangerous.

The Xanax is so quickly prescribed to relieve joint stress and lack of sleep. There have been many older patients who have become addicted to their medicine "for nerves" inadvertently. When they try to leave, they discover that their original complaints are now more significant.

Everyone should read and understand the side effects of any psychoactive medication before accepting a prescription to ensure that the result of the treatment implementation is not going to be worse than the initial discomfort.

The Following are Documented Side Effects of Xanax:

* Eruptions

* Respiratory problems

* Swelling of the lips, face, tongue, and throat

* Drowsiness

* Decreased inhibition (lack of fear when faced with dangerous activities)

* Hallucinations, emotional disturbances, purple haze strain, and hostility

* Hyperactivity

* Dizziness, swirling, and fainting

* Less urine than usual, or no urine

* Headaches, fatigue, joint pain, and unusual weakness (flu-like symptoms)

* Problems with speech

* Total loss of memory (amnesia) and concentration problems

* Changes in appetite (including weight gain)

* Blurred vision, instability, and clumsiness (decreased coordination and balance)

* Decreased sexual desire

* Dry mouth, or increase in saliva production

* Nervousness, restlessness, lack of sleep, and sweating

* Strong or rapid palpitations (panic attacks)

* Skin inflammation

* Muscle jump, tremor, and seizures (convulsions)

The list of side effects should stop anyone to risk thinking that Xanax could be beneficial. However, people who are addicted to benzodiazepines or who are withdrawing from other medications will take that risk to relieve themselves sooner, only to realize that they have now increased their addiction problems.

When the 1st winds of legalization began to blow, there must have been a lot of publicity about the impact of state-run legal cannabis. Effective concerns such as the social and cultural impact of legal plants, their effects on the legal system, and the economy were expressed and taken into account when drafting specific bills. At the root of these concerns was, of course, child protection. As the children#39;s toy/candy market develops rapidly to meet the demands of competition, there are a

variety of devices and packaging systems designed to appeal to both children and parents. We've all been in situations where a child gets a packaged gift, just to ignore the actual gift in favor of that box coming. With this in mind, it is up to the cannabis industry professionals to create effective child-proof packaging regardless of the contents of the package.

[sunflowersseemhappy]

Hi! I’ve never sent an ask before, so I’m kind of nervous, but could you write about the main 6 (excluding Lucio, if that’s okay) with an MC who has scoliosis? I have the condition myself, and it sucks being in pain all the time, and I guess I would like to see that represented in an MC. You totally don’t have to do this if you feel like you don’t have the time/knowledge to do so. Regardless, I absolutely love your writing and you deserve way more asks than you receive.

Aw, bless you! No need to be nervous m’dear, it’s perfectly alright for you to request as many times as you like (no need to be shy here)! I hope I do you and others who live with scoliosis justice, but please forgive me if I make an oopsie (I’m always open to constructive criticism so if there is anything that needs tweaking feel free to let me know).

I wish you all the best now and in the future, I can’t imagine how hard it is living in pain all the time but I like to say the strongest people are the ones who live with pain everyday. Thank you for trusting me with such a personal request and for your kind words! All the love in the world 💕💕

For those of you reading this who are unaware of scoliosis: Scoliosis is a sideways curvature of the spine found in many age groups from young children and into adulthood. While scoliosis can be caused by conditions such as cerebral palsy and muscular dystrophy, the cause of most scoliosis is unknown. Scoliosis can be mild or become more severe as time goes on and may cause severe back pain in some individuals.

Treated at a young age using braces scoliosis may or may not worsen as the individual ages (often during growth spurts curvatures may worsen), if needed an individual may undergo surgery to correct the spine but it is not always guaranteed to alleviate pain. (In The Arcana medical advancements probably are not good enough for such a surgery or even knowledge to be had on how to correct a spine in this scenario).

More information can be found here and here.

Those of you waiting on requests, I will get to them but I am really busy! Up next: Main 6 react to MC being insecure because of being scrawny

Asra

Asra is careful not to treat you like a porcelain doll, despite your scoliosis Asra wants you to feel independent of him. He knows you’re a strong person and that often times you’ll want to be your own person, and he doesn’t want you to feel controlled, but if you ask for his help Asra will see you get whatever help you need.

That’s not to say he’ll ignore you when he notices you seem a bit down or in pain, because then he’s doing all he can to make you feel better. Asra wishes he could do better for you but in the end it’s a problem beyond the limits of his magic.

Asra’s tried countless times to cure you of scoliosis, but healing spells have limits and your condition is one of them. He’d have to make another deal if he wanted to cure you, but the risks are much greater.

But over the years Asra has perfected some charms and the like that have worked to alleviate most of your pain, other than the curve in your spine you almost feel normal a lot of the time.

It seems the two of you are always taking a trip to the market each day, you quickly realise this is Asra’s way of getting you out and active but its nice to walk with him and treat yourselves to some pumpkin bread despite his ‘forgetfulness’.

With your ongoing study of magic Asra has found that exercises to improve control over your casting also help in mentally and physically soothing both mind and body, he’s always saying “you can never do too many breathing exercises!”

Living in Vesuvia there is (unfortunately) no end to the people who jeer at the way you look or whisper behind your back, and that’s where Asra’s “giving you the space you need” mantra ends. He can see the hurt in your eyes and feel the shift in your aura.

He is ready to hex the next person who say’s something, usually at their own peril (you remember one man who had to beg forgiveness before Asra removed the donkey’s ears).

Afterwards Asra will take you home and just cuddle up next to you in a bad mood so its up to you to cheer him up and once you do that soft smile will be the only thing that matters.

The days your pain is so bad that not even Asra’s charms do the trick, he’ll spend with you. Magic emanating from his palms as he runs them over your spine to ease the pain, once he usually runs dry of magic Asra is too tired to do much else than snuggle with you.

Curling his arms around your body and pressing up close to you to let you know that he’s there and he won’t be going anywhere.

He feels so hopeless sometimes, but he’s there for you and that’s all that matters.

Nadia

Nadia has the highest respect for you and letting you go about life in the most normal fashion possible, but she’s the Countess of Vesuvia. She is certainly not going to let you preform tasks unaided that could cause you any kind of problem or pain.

The harsh reality for Nadia is that she can’t always be with you and although she’s not nearly as clingy as Julian, Nadia always has this constant worry in the back of her mind (so please accept her offer of having a handmaid to help out where necessary).

Does some ‘light reading’ about scoliosis and the best ways to alleviate pain, etc...

She becomes very well read on the topic and encourages you to follow some of their advice, needless to say each of the ten books has about 50 pages bookmarked for reference.

Nadia tries to involve you in lots of her core workouts to strengthen your muscles (mainly yoga and light horse riding), they can be tiring but once you get into it you do feel a bit better supporting yourself.

She had some of the finest doctors come to the palace to help you, but she quickly realised they were just interested in studying you rather than treating you so Nadia very quickly showed them the door and enlisted the help of the doctor she trusts the most; Julian.

The baths are a nice place for the both of you to relax and although the water can never make the pain go away it does ease off for a short time, enough for the two of you to enjoy each others company.

The days that the pain is so bad that you can’t get out of bed or even lift your head Nadia gets a sick feeling in her stomach and refuses to leave your side.

She will cancel any plans in a heartbeat and just stay by you stroking your forehead with her softest smile, to keep both of your minds off the pain Nadia will tell you about all the embarrassing things she’s seen nobles do at parties and how her sisters used to steal cookies from the kitchen and bring them to share with her and the others.

If you can get to sleep Nadia will lie in bed next to you and just watch your peaceful face, how she wishes you could look this way all the time so at peace and free from the pain of reality.

She’ll kiss each of your cheeks and then rest her forehead against yours, falling into her own dreams of giving you whatever you need to be happy.

She doesn’t know it but all you really need is her.

Julian

Julian worries after you a lot, he’s like an overbearing helicopter parent with an anxious disorder. Which granted, can be very annoying, but you have to know it’s because he loves you a lot and would feel like a failure if something were to happen.

Of course there are moments you have to jokingly tell him to stand down and chill out a bit, but don’t dismiss his need to help (sending him off to do an errand you had been planning to do is your best bet to making him feel useful, that or a few loving words and a kiss on the cheek).

With his skills as a doctor Julian can be both an enormous help and a pain in the a** due to his connection with you.

Its such a strange thing he’s so confident with treating people who are strangers but the minute one of his loved ones is hurting he’s second guessing himself especially with you.

He learned a lot but scoliosis was not a subject he knew well so as soon as he learned of your condition Julian was writing to Nazali for some info and reading books and papers well into the night.

He became a expert overnight, and the panda eyes showed. He then proceed to tailor a schedule for you, which was when you had to slow him down for both of your sanity’s.

Still Julian often likes to invite you to go swimming near the port and is still hopelessly tragic when it comes to worrying after you, but showing him you’re just fine will put his mind to rest.

Over time Julian realises that you probably don’t need him nearly as much as he thinks you might and he is being too clingy with you, so he may hover but becomes more relaxed about you doing your own thing.

When you go through a rough patch mentally and emotionally Julian is so good at reassuring you (even though he’s terrible at doing it for himself), he’ll ask if he can do anything to help and will do what he must to make sure you’re feeling even a little better.

On a bad day where pain is keeping you in bed Julian is laying next to you like a loyal puppy, resting his head on your chest or shoulder and giving you gentle kisses as he holds your hand in his.

Julian will have a few medicinal remedies, but they’re not nearly strong enough to rid you of all the pain. So to take your mind off it he’ll tell you stories and he’ll treat you to your favourite snacks and maybe a drink or two at the Raven when you’re up for it.

Up until those moments Julian won’t be too sure if you really need him that much, be sure to tell him that you’ll always need him.

Muriel

Muriel is pretty mellow around the whole scoliosis thing, he lets you get on with your own thing (mostly because that’s how he is) but he knows when you need his help. The words never even have to leave your mouth because when you need him he’s just there no questions asked.

It may not usually seem like it but Muriel is constantly observing you and when he sees a particular expression that gives him reason to believe you need him he’ll be there. He doesn’t want to coddling you because he likes his independence and he just thinks that you might like having your own as much as he does.

Muriel’s not always entirely sure on how or what he can do to help you, truth be told he doesn’t feel capable of caring for you. He doesn’t know too much about scoliosis (or doesn’t have any idea at all).

He thinks if he tries to help you he may just make matters worse, he’s so big and strong that he fears that even if he puts a finger on your skin you’ll crumble.

Fortunately there is no shortage of pain relieving plants in the forest around Muriel’s hut, when he’s not hanging around with his chickens Muriel is picking these herbs and mashing them up (either to eat or to slather over your back, he feels too awkward to tell sometimes).

Of course you may encounter a problem with those crushed herbs, specifically in applying them. Muriel’s cheeks turned the brightest red when you came over to him topless asking him to put it on your back for you. His fingers shook slightly (mostly in embarrassment) but he was glad you asked him.

The two of you definitely gain some looks when you go into Vesuvia, with Muriel being so big and you having that curve in your spine there is no end to the whispers about you two.

It’s actually a relief not being the only odd one in a pair, and seeing Muriel ignore people and not care about what they have to say helps you do the same (even though you don’t see the death stares he gives people when they’re saying stuff about you).

The walks the two of you take through the forest are some of the most relaxing and best way’s for you to work on building muscle up and working on your core strength, Muriel often makes it interesting by taking you to some very unique places so its usually worth the walk.

Muriel dreads the bad days you have, when the pain is unbearable your you. Even his usual stoic neutral expression crumbles in worry, and he’s as miserable as you feel hastily dashing out to get extra herbs and quickly feeding the chickens all the feed so he doesn’t need to worry about them later.

Muriel is putting slaves on your back every hour and putting heated water in a water-skin to keep your muscles from causing you more pain, he spends so much time going about the hut he doesn’t sit or eat for hours.

You have to make a grab for his hand and pull him into bed to sit with you and once he relaxes slightly Muriel is scooping you up with the greatest care and cradles you in his lap heaving a sigh and resting his head on top of yours.

He may think he could break you if he’s not careful, but he is probably the gentlest man in the world to you.

Portia

Portia is so... normal about the whole thing. She rarely treats you any different other than the occasional determined dashing around she does when you’re not feeling so hot, insisting that you need to kick back and relax while she handles your chores, errands and other things she can handle for you.

She’s cheery and bright as always, but always takes the time to talk to you if you’re feeling down or help ease your pain if you’re not having a good day. She’s a secret worrier though, and may need to talk through her own thoughts and feelings with you when it gets too much.

Portia would be very interested in learning about scoliosis however before referring to books she’s quite interested in learning what it is like for you personally (what’s difficult for you to do, what she can do to make it easier around the cottage, where is your pain the worst or what to do when you’re having a tough time?).

She gives 110% towards making you feel like a normal human being and helping you enjoy the things you love even if they are hindered by your condition, she’s like a bright ball of light guiding your way despite the hardships life throws at you.

The way she asks Julian for some pain relief or what plants she should grow to make some is like a shady business deal (for some reason or another), you’re pretty sure its because she thinks its illegal for Julian to just give her medicine (even though its not).

So yeah, Portia is pretty casual and even forgets you have scoliosis but best be prepared to watch her throw hands with anyone who’s mean or rude about how you may look strange.

It’s happened and at this point its just some nice entertainment watching your girlfriend beat every single persons a** to defend your honour, though that girl fights dirty...

Among other things gardening is one of Portia’s favourite activities and she soon roped you into helping her to keep you active, of course being in the palace grounds she’s always leading you into the maze determined to find the middle this time!

She’s the best out of all when if comes to making you feel better, doing tons of funny stuff (like showing you Pepi’s latest dance moves, or seeing how many of her knitting needles she can keep in her hair). She believes laughter is one of the best medicines, but often she makes you laugh so hard it hurts.

On bad days Portia will pull you close and snuggle in close to your neck and give you little smooches everywhere over your face, she’ll sing some little songs and get you to sleep because that’s the best way to pass the time when you’re in pain.

Despite all the hardships in life Portia does her best to make the world better for you whatever way she can.

[mrjat396]

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THE MANY HEALTH BENEFITS OF METH

In low, pharmaceutical-grade doses, methamphetamine may actually repair and protect the brain in certain circumstances. But stigma against the drug could be harming patients and holding back research.

TROY FARAHMAY 15, 2019

D-methamphetamine is what generally appears on the street—although it's often cut with other chemicals—whereas l-meth provides a less addictive, shorter-lived high that is less desirable among drug users.

(Photo: Fiona Goodall/Getty Images)

Ask your doctor about methamphetamine. It's not a phrase you'll ever hear on TV or the radio, but here's a secret: Meth is an incredible medicine. Even the Drug Enforcement Administration admits it, and doctors are known to prescribe it for narcolepsy, obesity, and ADHD. Historically, meth has been used to reverse barbiturate overdoses and even raise blood pressure during surgery. Some preliminary research suggests that meth can be neuroprotective against stroke and traumatic brain injury, even stimulating the growth of brain cells.

Yet we're constantly warned never to try meth—"not even once," goes the refrain—or it will instantly cause addiction and ruin your life. Before fentanyl was the demon drug du jour, meth was seen as the worst, most destructive, most evil chemical you could find on the streets. Even of late, if you ask the New York Times or NBC, you'll learn that meth, "the forgotten killer," is back with a "vengeance." Other outlets, from Rolling Stone to CNN to The Daily Beast, have raised the alarm about meth use in the context of the opioid overdose crisis.

Stimulant-related deaths are indeed on the rise in North America—in some regions, meth is even more prevalent than heroin. Surveying drug overdoses in America from 1979 through 2016, researchers wrote in Science in September of 2018 that "Methamphetamine deaths have increased most dramatically in the western and southwestern United States."

Meth poisonings accounted for an estimated 14,845 hospitalizations in 2015, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and another 15,808 emergency room visits. In 2016, around 7,500 people died from overdosing on stimulants, including meth. If you ask most people, including policymakers, you'll hear that meth is a scourge that can do no good.

But if you've ever used something like Vicks VapoInhaler, you've experienced the healing benefits of meth firsthand. That's because the over-the-counter nasal decongestant contains levomethamphetamine, the levorotary form—or "mirror image"—of the same stuff from Breaking Bad. Procter & Gamble tries to obscure this fact by spelling the active ingredient "levmetamfetamine." Selegiline, a drug for treating Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases, also metabolizes into levomethamphetamine.

There is a significant difference between these two opposing molecules. D-methamphetamine is what generally appears on the street—although it's often cut with other chemicals—whereas l-meth provides a less addictive, shorter-lived high that is less desirable among drug users. But people can and do use it recreationally. Abuse is rare, however, in part because the high is shitty, but also because d-meth is so widely available. It's easier to buy a more powerful form of the drug on the street than it is to try to extract it from over-the-counter medications.

Other Americans are prescribed actual, pure meth by their doctors. It happens less frequently these days, but in ADHD, obesity, or narcolepsy cases where nothing else has worked, a drug called Desoxyn (methamphetamine hydrochloride) can sometimes help. It can even be prescribed to children as young as seven.

It's important to make these distinctions. Meth didn't make a "comeback"; it never left. It can't return with a "vengeance" and it can't be "evil" because we're talking about a chemical compound here. It has no personality, no feelings, no intentions.

Thus it does a disservice to science and to medicine, as well as to the people who use these drugs responsibly, to treat a molecule with dualistic properties purely as a poison. And as recent research has shown, we're still uncovering some of the potential therapeutic benefits of methamphetamine. Confronting the stigma associated with meth and highlighting its benefits can better inform drug policy and addiction treatment.

(Photo: HO/Royal Thai Navy/AFP/Getty Images)

'IT'S JUST A STIMULANT, LIKE ANY OTHER STIMULANT'

For Jordan*, the meth he's prescribed works better against his ADHD with fewer side effects than the Adderall he'd been on for 20 years. About five years ago, Jordan asked his doctor if he could try methamphetamine. The doc said sure.

"The first time I brought it to the pharmacy, the pharmacist actually said to me, 'Oh, your doctor wrote this prescription wrong, this is the stuff that they make in meth labs,'" Jordan tells me by phone. "I told him to type 'Desoxyn' into the computer, and he did. He kind of backtracked, [but] he obviously had no idea."

Jordan, a middle-aged man from North Carolina who works in clinical research, now switches every three months between Adderall and Desoxyn to prevent building a tolerance to either stimulant.

Methamphetamine and amphetamine (one of the active ingredients in Adderall) are almost identical chemicals. The main difference between the two is the addition of a second methyl group to methamphetamine's chemical structure. This addition makes meth more lipid-soluble, allowing for easier access across the blood-brain barrier. Meth is therefore not only more potent, but also longer-lasting.

"The medications have definitely been important for me, to be productive, to be successful, not just at work but also in my personal life," Jordan says. "I've been on the medications for years, but I can take Adderall or methamphetamine and take a nap afterwards. I don't have any noticeable side effects."

Jordan also doesn't feel "high" from the doses he takes—approximately 10 to 15 milligrams of meth per day. Doses at this level are well tolerated by most people. It's very difficult to estimate the typical dosages of illicit meth taken on the street, but they are generally many times higher and taken every couple of hours. Further, the route of administration—typically, users smoke or inject illicit meth—allows for more of the drug to enter the bloodstream than taking a prescription pill.

At high doses, meth gives a rush of euphoria, boosting attention span, zapping fatigue, and decreasing appetite. Intense sexual arousal, talkativeness, and rapid thought patterns are also common. Body temperature and heart rate shoot up, which can cause irregular heartbeat, increasing the risk of seizures. If taken repeatedly over long periods, street meth can be highly neurotoxic, inducing paranoia and psychosis.

But illicit meth is also often used to self-medicate, according to Mark Willenbring, an addiction psychiatrist from St. Paul, Minnesota, with over 30 years of practice treating substance-use disorders. In Willenbring's experience, most of his patients who use illegal meth are treating undiagnosed ADHD.

"There's a high degree of comorbidity between substance-use disorders and ADD," Willenbring says. "They used meth for years in a controlled way, they never over-used it, they just used enough to get an effect, and then they stopped. One misconception is that it's always very addictive."

With most people who are addicted to meth, Willenbring says, you can't tell it just by looking at them. Carl Hart, a neuroscientist in Columbia University's Department of Psychology, agrees that the image of a snarling meth addict with bad teeth is a false stereotype. The dental damage so prevalent in anti-drug propaganda, he says, is more likely due to poor nutrition and lack of sleep—not to the drug. "There is no empirical evidence to support the claim that methamphetamine causes physical deformities," Hart wrote in a 2014 co-authored report.

"It's just a stimulant, like any other stimulant," Willenbring says. "It's a marketing issue."

Part of the reason Jordan asked to try Desoxyn in the first place was to see if he'd develop any of the "stereotypical meth addict problems," as he puts it. He hasn't.

"Those of us that know the reality have a responsibility to say, 'Hey, not that shooting up meth isn't bad, but the chemical itself isn't bad,'" Jordan says. "It's just misuse of the chemical that's bad."

For Joan*, a 66-year-old grandmother living off the grid in northern Georgia, Desoxyn makes her feel normal. "Not high, not hyped up, just normal," she tells me. She's been taking prescription meth since 2006, but first tried many other ADHD meds, such as Ritalin and Concerta, with poor results. But Desoxyn has not only helped her socialize, manage bills, and finish her master's degree in social work; it's also helped with Joan's depression and self-esteem.

"The only downside is the cost," she says. "It's one of the oldest drugs on the market, but even generic, it is outrageously expensive."

Still, meth isn't for everyone, of course. Kevin*, a 31-year-old artist from the Midwest, was first prescribed Desoxyn at age 15 to treat extreme fatigue and trouble focusing. But misdiagnosed mental-health issues—his doctors thought he had bipolar disorder, when in fact he had post-traumatic stress from childhood abuse—led to worsening symptoms.

"Being able to just take a bunch of pills that made the exhaustion go away for a while felt like a blessing, but it was just a Band-Aid on the problem," Kevin says. "I became completely dependent upon Desoxyn to function, and any lapse in taking my dose would result in a terrible energy crash."

"In retrospect, my neurologist at the time would have done well to consider the effects of intense stimulants on someone already prone to mania, insomnia, and hallucinations," he says. "I think Desoxyn has its merits as part of a treatment plan for attentive disorders, but that's the thing—it needs to be part of a larger understanding of how and why it might have a negative impact upon the patient's overall health, and should remain closely monitored throughout."

"Stigma is the lens [through] which we see all drug issues. It keeps us from making the best decisions. It is fear-based, not rational, not creative. Because of stigma, we have not fully addressed the opioid crisis."

(Photo: Guillermo Arias/AFP/Getty Images)

HOW METH CAN TREAT BRAIN INJURY—AND MUCH MORE

Street doses of meth can be extremely damaging to your health. The purity of such drugs is often unknown, and repeated, high doses of meth have been proven to be neurotoxic. But in low, pharmaceutical-grade doses, meth may actually repair and protect the brain in certain circumstances.

This was first discovered in 2008, when researchers at Queen's Medical Center Neuroscience Institute in Honolulu, Hawaii, analyzed five years of data on traumatic head injuries. They unexpectedly found that patients who tested positive for methamphetamine were significantly less likely to die from the injuries. The authors suggested that meth could have neuroprotective benefits.

To learn more, in 2011, a different team from the University of Montana applied meth to slices of rat brain that had been damaged to resemble the brains of stroke victims. Then they induced strokes in living rats, using a method called embolic MCAO, and injected them with methamphetamine. At low doses, the meth gave better behavioral outcomes and even reduced brain-cell death. At high doses, the meth made outcomes worse.

Because meth stimulates the flow of important neurotransmitters—dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine—the Montana researchers theorized that methamphetamine may provide neuroprotection through multiple pathways. David Poulsen, one of the researchers involved, says this was a "serendipitous discovery."

"So we decided, well, if it worked in stroke, it's probably going to work really well in traumatic brain injury," says Poulsen, now a neurosurgeon at the University of Buffalo who specializes in treatments for protecting the brain after severe damage.

Traumatic brain injury, or TBI, occurs after a violent smash to the skull. Its consequences include concussions on the mild end and coma or death on the severe end. TBI kills around 50,000 Americans annually, according to the CDC, while about 2.8 million of us visit the emergency room for TBI-related injuries every year. There is currently no Food and Drug Administration-approved treatment for TBI.

So, Paulson and his team reasoned, if meth can already be prescribed for children, why not to adults with TBI?

To test the proposition, Poulsen and colleagues gave TBI to rats. Giving an animal brain trauma isn't easy, but for more than two decades, there's been a trick called the rat lateral fluid percussion injury model: Simply cut a hole in the skull of a rat and apply water pressure to the brain.

About half the rodents—19 male Wistar rats—were given this treatment, and eight of these were then given meth. The rats given meth performed better at a task called the Morris water maze, a widely used experiment that involves plopping a rat into a pool of water with a hidden platform. By tracking how long it takes the rodent to find the platform, scientists can measure many different aspects of cognitive function.

"By the third day of training, there were no statistically significant differences between the uninjured control rats and the injured rats that had been treated with methamphetamine," Poulsen and his colleagues wrote.

But the team also found that low doses of meth were protecting immature neurons, while also promoting the birth of new brain cells that are important for learning and memory. The same was also true for rats that were given meth, but not injured.

"We see not just little, but very significant improvements in cognition and behavior," Poulsen says. "Their memories improved, functional behavior is improved.... It's not a trivial difference."

"In light of the fact that low-dose methamphetamine is FDA-approved for use in juveniles and adults, we see no valid reason why it cannot be utilized in human clinical trials for stroke and TBI," Poulsen and colleagues concluded in 2016.

But those clinical trials, considered the gold standard for testing medication, have yet to materialize, even while a 2018 retrospective study found similar results to the Hawaiian neuroscience report: Out of 304 patients with TBI, those who also tested positive for meth had better recovery results than those who did not. "The potential neuroprotective role of meth and other similar substances cannot be ignored," the authors wrote in Clinical Neurology and Neurosurgery last July.

There are limited conclusions that we can draw about these rodent and retrospective studies, and it's probably unlikely that nurses will soon start giving meth to people who have cracked their skulls. Still, a wide variety of stimulant therapies for TBI is being explored, with positive results. These include trials with modafinil, a narcolepsy drug; amantadine, a Parkinson's drug; and dextroamphetamine, one of the components of Adderall. But there's still no indication of a single clinical trial for methamphetamine for TBI registered with the National Institutes of Health.

Methylphenidate, also known as Ritalin, seems to be the stimulant most popular in these trials. For example, in 2004, researchers at Drucker Brain Injury Center at MossRehab Hospital in Pennsylvania gave methylphenidate, better known as Ritalin, to 34 patients with moderate to severe TBI. They reported significant improvements in information processing and attention.

Twelve years later, in Gothenburg, Sweden, another 30 patients suffering from prolonged fatigue following TBI were given methylphenidate and observed for six months. They also showed improved cognitive function and reduced fatigue. But a 2016 meta-analysis of 10 controlled trials found the main benefit of giving methylphenidate for TBI was increased attention, "whereas no notable benefit was observed in the facilitation of memory or processing speed," the authors wrote. They encouraged more research into appropriate dosages and length of prescription.

Birgitta Johansson, a neuroscientist at the University of Gothenburg and lead author of the Swedish study, suggests caution whenever treating someone with a brain injury. "With methylphenidate, it is important to be aware about possible side effects, [such] as increased blood pressure and heart rate and also risk of anxiety," she says. "It is always very important to prescribe medication with care and follow the patient carefully."

But the reason meth isn't studied more rigorously—for TBI, for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, for stroke—could also come down to money. Methamphetamine is off-patent, meaning there may be less financial incentive for pharmaceutical companies to explore the drug's potential uses. Consider Vyvanse, a drug first marketed in 2007, with a new formulation introduced in 2017, that racked up $2.1 billion in sales in 2017. Desoxyn, which is sold by three companies, only earned about $9.3 million in 2009.

While Methamphetamine may not be widely recognized as medicine, it clearly has potential to heal as well as harm. Recognizing the duality of meth is arguably all the more essential in the face of a rising stimulant overdose crisis.

"Stigma regarding any substance use or substance use disorder is counterproductive," says Dan Ciccarone, professor of family medicine at the University of California–San Francisco. He says the overdose crisis is shifting from opioids to stimulants and that we are not prepared for the next wave. "Stigma is the lens [through] which we see all drug issues. It keeps us from making the best decisions. It is fear-based, not rational, not creative. Because of stigma, we have not fully addressed the opioid crisis."

That stigma remains a major hurdle, and until doctors and public-health officials counteract this kind of messaging, it seems unlikely that a multinational pharmaceutical company would risk marketing a substance only believed to be toxic and deadly.

"Everything will kill you, if you take enough of it," Poulsen says. "Some things don't require a lot to do that. Meth is one of those things. But just like any drug, the difference between a poison and a cure is the dose."

*These names have been changed.

TAGSALZHEIMER'SADDERALLTRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURIESFEATURES & INVESTIGATIONSMETHAMPHETAMINEMETHTOPIC: HEALTH CARE

BY TROY FARAH

Troy Farah is an independent journalist and photographer in California. His reporting on science, health, and narcotics has appeared in Wired, Ars Technica, Smithsonian, Discover, Vice, and elsewhere. He co-hosts the drug policy podcast Narcotica. 

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[canarycontessa]

in no particular order, things I've learned having PCOS

1.  Root cause, root causes, ROOT CAUSES. 

Do you know what the course of treatment looks like if you don't address root causes? It looks like a bandaid for each individual symptom: progesterone to "jumpstart" your hormones (which you can only take for a few months before it starts fucking with your bones), metformin for your insulin issues, electrolysis or waxing for your facial hair, etc. 

NONE OF WHICH gets down to root causes or is in any way approaching a permanent solution (with the possible exception of laser hair removal or electrolysis). 

I’m not knocking these things; if they help in any way and fit your course of action, go for it. But these things are not a cure. There is no formal cure for PCOS, but the thing that puts it in a kind of remission is a complete sea change in terms of how you eat, sleep, exercise, and just generally live your life. Everything from the eggs you buy to the type of pads you use is up for reevaluation.

2.  Exercise does not (directly) affect fat loss, only muscle gain, body comp and hormone regulation. Know it’s benefits and its limits in your regimen. Or, you cannot out-exercise a poor diet. 

Your particular relationship to the scale is something you need to nail down and fast. If you know you’re obsessive and prone to daily weighing, get rid of the scale entirely. If you like tracking yourself week to week, go ahead. Either way, please know that your progress wrt: diet and exercise aren’t always going to be reflected on the scale. 

Unless you’re doing some sort of bodybuilder bulking/cutting thing, then you’re typically going to lose fat WHILE gaining muscle if you have a sensible plan. This can translate to looking better and losing inches while staying the same or even going up on the scale. Don’t be fooled. 

All of this goes for everybody, really, but it goes double and triple for people with PCOS. Get the “calories in/calories out” mindset out of your head. Focus on your hormonal balance. Go by how your clothes fit, how you look naked, how you feel when you move, the feats you become capable of that you weren’t before.  

3.  Your desires are not shallow. No, not even your "shallow" ones. Wanting to look good naked, wanting to not have stubble or hyperpigmentation, and wanting a sex drive that’s more on-point is just as valid as wanting to have a baby or wanting to prevent your prediabetes from becoming full blown diabetes. Period. No buts. I said what I said. And if anyone tells you otherwise or tries to make these things seem frivolous? 

Tune them the fuck out. 

You’re the one who has to live with this disorder, not them, so they can fuck right off. Yes, even your doctor or your mother or your boyfriend or your minister or whoever the fuck. Yes, even other people with PCOS. 

I say this as someone who never has and never will want children, and is more concerned with preserving my health and beauty well into my middle age than I am with fertility. I’m not curing cancer, but neither is any broad that wants to get knocked up. 

We each want what we want. Let’s leave each other to our own wants, shall we?

4.  There's a limit to what a doctor can (or sometimes is even willing) to do for you here, so you have to take the wheel. Remember what I said about band aids? Unless you go to an endocrinologist or someone who specializes in hormonal/reproductive health or just a general practitioner who gives a damn, you’re not going to find an abundance of help with a doctor. 

It’s sad to say, but a lot of general practitioners are either unequipped, underqualified, uninformed or (worst case scenario) just flat out uninterested in helping with what they consider a nebulous disorder at best, or a series of low-priority nuisance issues at worst. 

My main solution to this is to understand deeply and unwaveringly: They may be the doctor, but you are the expert on your own lived experience. Find a doctor that not only knows their business, but who knows that you two are a team.

I’ve been lucky enough to experience both ends of this spectrum. Yes, even the bad ones. 

I’ve had the best insurance money could buy utterly wasted on a doctor that spent months of my time telling me my kidneys were shutting down due to blood in my urine when I already made it clear that the “blood in my urine” was actually my menorrhagia. He completely discounted my lived experience of menstruating for a full 15 - 20 days out of EVERY MONTH and came up with a disorder of his own, wasting so much time sending me back for renal scans whenever the “blood in my urine” didn’t correspond to my test results reflecting perfectly normal kidneys. This guy outright told me that he was more concerned with my hypertension than he was with addressing anything else going on with me. As if it wasn’t all connected.  

I’ve also had supposedly lesser medical staff that took my concerns seriously, conducted examinations promptly, listened to what I had to say and actually laid out what my options were so that I could decide how we should proceed from there. It was one of these places that actually found out that what I’d been dealing with for years was PCOS, giving the beast that tormented me a name so I could draw a target on its back. They broke down their methodology for determining it into layman terms I could understand: 

“your period has these abnormalities, you have these visual markers (skin tags, facial hair, hyperpigmentation), your insulin is up in the prediabetic range and you have multiple benign but problematic cysts on your ovaries. We’ll test a few other hormonal markers in your blood and urine panel but otherwise it’s safe to say you have PCOS”      

5.  There will be people will treat your illness as trivial, not real, a product of unclean living, a product of hysteria and/or all in your head. Even loved ones. Even doctors Even yourself, at times.

6.  Hopelessness and discouragement are almost literally parts of this illness, so treat them as you would any other symptom. I say almost literally because mood swings and a higher probability of depression come with the turf. Also, the uphill battle you’re facing from medical professionals (see Item 4) and even your loved ones just piles onto all this. Overall, this hormonal disorder just wears you down. Self care becomes even more important than ever before, as does finding a community of other women dealing with this.  

7.  Don't get sucked into terf shit while trying to reclaim your femininity. This isn’t really about the disorder itself, I just really wanted to sound off on this right quick (keep in mind I’m a cis woman saying this, I’m not as informed about trans issues as a trans person, but I’m trying to be a good neighbor here. Please do your own research and please understand that hitting up your nearest trans person doesn’t count as research. Google is free and there are literally so many academic and anecdotal resources).

My POV on this is as a cisgender black woman with this disorder. I’ve had my femininity questioned, mocked, and outright denied (misogynoir at its finest) since I was a child. I’ve seen people both overtly and subtly project their weird ideas about gender onto me. And yet I know I don’t go through even a TENTH of the bullshit and violence that trans women of color do. My pain may be legitimate, but it does not give me or anyone with any integrity a free pass to turn the trans community into one big punching bag for my own frustrations.    

There’s nothing terfs love more than preying on vulnerable women that they feel they can recruit. Learn to spot the dogwhistles and reject the sales pitch. They’ll try to court you and make you feel so understood and welcome. Don’t fall for it. I don’t care if J.K. Rowling herself becomes your best buddy. Don’t go there. 

[healinghomegroup7]

What Husbands Can Do When Their Wives Have Postpartum Depression

When your wife has postpartum depression (PPD), which affects about 1 in 7 women after childbirth, you might feel confused, annoyed, scared, sad, worried or any combination of these. My husband certainly did. You might be thinking, "Why can't she just be happy? What's wrong with her? Aren't new moms supposed to be happy now that the baby's finally here? What's going on?"

Remember that PPD is a biochemical disorder which is no one's fault - not yours or hers. Although you can't fix it like you can a broken cabinet or leaky faucet, it's your job to support her as she recovers. Warning signs of PPD include anxiety, lack of energy, frequent crying, inability to sleep at night even when the baby's sleeping, low self-esteem, guilt feelings, appetite problems, irritability or anger, overwhelmed feelings, forgetfulness, decreased sex drive, and hopelessness. The normal Baby Blues should be gone by two weeks postpartum, so if she's still feeling weepy, she needs help. Or, if the symptoms are more severe than the mild Baby Blues even during the first two weeks, don't wait - get her help right away. You or she should call a healthcare practitioner you trust and ask for a referral to a therapist who specializes in postpartum depression.

Here are some pointers that will help you to help her and your relationship: (Excerpts from Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression by Bennett and Indman)

Just being there with her is doing a great deal.

Letting her know you support her is often all she'll need. Ask her what words she needs to hear for reassurance, and say those words to her often. Things like, "We'll get through this. I'm here for you. I love you very much. You're a great mom. The baby loves you. You'll get yourself back. The PPD is temporary. I'm sorry you're suffering - that must feel awful. This isn't your fault."

Share at-home responsibilities.

Even a non-depressed new mom can't realistically be expected to cook dinner and clean house. She may be guilt-tripping herself about not measuring up to her own expectations and worrying that you'll also be disappointed with her. Remind her that parenting your child(ren) and taking care of your home is also your job, not just hers. Your relationship will emerge from this crisis stronger than ever.

Let her sleep at night.

She needs at least 5 hour of uninterrupted sleep per night to receive a full sleep cycle and restore her biorhythms (Chapter 11 of Postpartum Depression For Dummies* explains in detail how splitting the night can work even if she's breastfeeding or you need to leave the house early for work.) If you want your wife back quicker, be on duty for this time without disturbing her. Many dads have expressed how much closer they are to their children because of nighttime caretaking. If you can't be up at night taking care of your baby, hire someone who can take your place. A temporary baby nurse will be worth her weight in gold.

Get the support you need so you can be there for her.

Often a husband becomes depressed during or after his wife's depression. You can help protect yourself by getting your own support from friends, family, or professionals. Regular exercise or other stress-relieving activity is important, so you can remain the solid support for your wife. Provide a stand-in support person for her while you're gone. o Don't take it personally. Irritability is common with PPD. Don't allow yourself to become a verbal punching bag. It's not healthy for anyone concerned. She feels guilty after saying hurtful things to you and it's not good for her. If you feel you didn't deserve to be snapped at, calmly explain that to her. (Excerpts from Postpartum Depression For Dummies by Bennett)

Back her up in her decision- making.

If your wife needs to see various practitioners, take medication, join a PPD support group, stop breastfeeding, or whatever else, she needs to know you're behind her 100 percent. You can certainly participate in the decision-making process, but the decisions themselves are ultimately hers. It can be helpful for you to accompany her to a therapy or doctor's appointment so you can ask any questions you may have regarding her treatment. As a therapist, I find the partner's attendance useful and I encourage it at least once. My client is always relieved to know that her husband is getting support and now understands more about her situation and the illness. o Don't mention how much her care costs. She's already feeling guilty about what she's costing the family, both emotionally and financially. Without your wife's mental health postpartum, nothing else matters. During PPD recovery, couples may use up savings and take out loans - consider it an investment in launching your new family in a healthy way. Be open to doing (and spending) whatever it takes to get her the right, specialized help, not just whoever is covered by the insurance plan.

Practice the work/life balance.

You've probably read your employee handbook about your company's work/life balance program. Now's the time to make it work for you. Tell your manager what's going on at home, that you need to leave work every evening on time, and that you can't take expended business trips for the foreseeable future. You may see this practice as career suicide, but it isn't. Many of my clients' husbands have taken parental leave, and have made the effort to be at home on time every night during this difficult period. Federal law provides husbands job-protected time off from work following the birth of a baby or to care for a seriously ill spouse. If you're a domestic partner, it depends on the state in which you live whether or not you'll be covered. If necessary, go ahead and move off the corporate fast track to help your partner recover. Your physical presence to her is more important than the next promotion, and years from now, when you look back on your life, you'll never regret having chosen family over work. I hear over and over from my clients that they don't care about the big house (with the big mortgage). They just want their husbands at home. So, if you're thinking that it's for her and your kids that you're working long hours, traveling, and so forth, you may want to ask her what she thinks - you many be surprised.

Maintain intimacy.

As you and your wife walk the road to recovery, it's important to maintain intimacy, even if it's (for now) void of any sexual activity. You may be rolling your eyes with the thought of "just cuddling." After all, what's the point of cuddling if it doesn't lead to anything? But for her, just being close to you and being held by you is comforting and healing. She may also have some physical healing to do following the birth process. Remember not to take her lack of interest in sex personally. This isn't a rejection of you - it's mainly about hormones, brain chemicals, and life changes. If you're the one returning from work at the end of the day, make sure you greet your wife first, before you greet any other member of the family (including the furry, four-legged ones). The relationship with her is the most important one and without it, no other little person would be there (see Chapter 15 for other sex and intimacy issues). Refer to the first bullet for ideas of what to say to your wife that will truly help her.

There are also some clear no-no's to avoid. Here are a few: DO NOT say:

"Think about everything you have to feel happy about." She already knows everything she has to feel happy about. One of the reasons she feels so guilty is that she's depressed despite these things.

"Just relax." This suggestion usually produces the opposite effect! She's already frustrated at not being able to relax in spite of all the coping mechanisms that have worked in the past. Anxiety produces hormones that can cause physical reactions such as increased heart rate, shakiness, and muscle tension. This is not something she can just will away.

"Snap out of it." If she could, she would have already. She wouldn't wish this on anyone. She can't snap out of PPD any easier than she can snap out of the flu. Be patient, non-judgmental, and upbeat. With the right kind of professional help along with your consistent and loving support, your wife will recover and your marriage will likely be stronger than ever.

[whiteappalachianwitch]

The Great Consolidated CBD Post: History, Background, Usage and More

Many homeopathic individuals, even magickal ones, believe in the power of the earth and all the things it gives us. Through my journey as a woman entering her 30′s, I have taken a lot of hits to my body. I have endured a lot of pain related to my reproductive health, and have given birth to two children. My mental ability has strengthened in a lot of ways, and weakened in others. I have relied on essential oil’s over the last 10 years, and while they have helped me tremendously, one thing has helped me more: CBD.

History of CBD

First things first, what does the acronym CBD stand for? Cannabidiol, known as CBD, was first discovered in 1940. It is a phytocannabinoid, one of the 113 identified cannabinoids, accounting for 40% of what is extracted from the plant. Since the 40′s, a vast array of clinical research has been done on the effects of CBD on anxiety, cognition, movement disorders, and pain (Cannabidiol 2019).  

So what is in CBD oil? The oils are basically concentrates of CBD with varied degrees of strength and usage. It comes from the cannabis plant, referred to as “hemp” or “marijuana.”

But is it Marijuana?

No, CBD is NOT marijuana. Marijuana consists of delta-9 tetrahydrocannabinol, formally known as THC, and CBD. These two compounds have different effects: THC has a psychoactive effect of making someone feel euphoric when they smoke it or ingest it due to the way THC breaks down when heat is applied to it before entering the body. Unlike THC, CBD is NOT psychoactive and creates NO euphoria when ingested or smoked. Interestingly, CBD can counteract the euphoric effects of THC, canceling it out.

Hemp plants legal under the Farm Bill must have a THC level less than 0.3%, the level in most CBD oil brands. Nevertheless, the THC content does have medicinal value.

How Does CBD Work?

CBD does produce effects in the body by attaching itself to certain receptors. We as humans produce naturally occurring cannabinoids in our bodies, with two receptors for them called CB1 and CB2 receptors. There are many CB1 receptors in the brain, and some present throughout the body. The ones in the brain are in charge of coordination and movement, pain, emotions, mood, thinking, appetite, memories, etc. THC attaches itself to these receptors creating the euphoria in the mind.

The most common receptors in the immune system are the CB2 receptors, affecting inflammation and pain. While previous thought believed CBD attached to CB2 receptors, recent research suggests CBD does not attach to either receptors; CBD directs the body to use its own cannabinoids instead.

What are the Benefits, Then?

There are many ways CBD can help physical ailments and mental health issues, including but not limited to:

 Pain relief

Anti-inflammatory

Quitting smoking

Drug withdrawals

Epilepsy or seizure disorders

Other neurological symptoms and disorders

Combating cancer

Anxiety disorders such as:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Panic Diorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Type 1 diabetes

Acne

Alzheimer's disease

But what if I don’t want any THC content in my CBD oil? What if I might fail a drug test?

The likelihood of you failing a drug test is very minimal. However, many mainstream brands of CBD oil offer oils THC-free. While this particular oil is still beneficial, it is not what they call “full spectrum.” THC-free is what they call an “isolate” oil. Isolate oils only contain one or two medicinal properties of the plant, while full spectrum oils contain ALL the medicinal properties of the plant. Nevertheless, there are benefits taking the isolate oil.

Quick questions:

What is the difference between hemp oil and cannabis oil?

What brands do you recommend?

I have used three different brands and have heard a lot of good things about others. In order of most noticeable effects they are:

1.     Hempworx 750 mg full spectrum oil

2.     Améo CBD dermal patch

3.     CTFO 750 mg full spectrum oil

4.     Charlotte’s Web (I have never personally tried but hear many recommend it)

What is the difference in the dermal patch and the oil?

Not many people know there is a CBD dermal patch out there. I personally have used both and they effected me in different ways. The patch is slow-release and can be worn 24 hours before discarding. It is good for targeting pain on the skin, muscles, bones, etc. You can put them where you’re physically hurting and they help really well. I also noticed I slept well with the patch too. Apart from the oil, I noticed the oil helped me more with my anxiety because it was the full dose in one moment whereas the patch is slow release over time. If you need a stronger punch, I would suggest the oil.

During the labor and delivery of my most recent child, I used both the patch and  oil and found it helped my labor so much I did not have to go into the hospital or receive any other alternative pain medication. It also helped my anxiety and nausea as well during pregnancy and labor.

There are many creams, hair products, dog treats, sprays, etc out there now within these companies. I have yet to try them but I hear they are wonderful!

What have you seen personal help with while using CBD?

I have seen it significantly reduce my pain after surgery and during labor and delivery. My son had two surgeries and was in a lot of pain, the oil helped him as well.

Additionally, I have seen it decrease my anxiety and help me sleep. When I gave it to my oldest son, who was having panic attacks post surgery, I noticed it helped him feel calm and sleep better as well.

I have seen the personal testimony of parents with children who have autism report reversed symptoms and a whole new child. It has helped combat sensory issues in my son and other children as well.

What about the lack of research on taking it while pregnant and giving it to children?

It is true there is little research out there. However, I can tell you from personal experience and what I have observed, it is extremely beneficial for children with mental and physical disabilities, as well as common uncomfortable symptoms during pregnancy and while breastfeeding.

***Always consult your doctor before you stop taking any medications you are on or before use of CBD products.***

References:

Cannabidiol. (2019, December 8). Retrieved December 11, 2019, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cannabidiol

Johnson, J. (2018, July 27). CBD oil: Uses, health benefits, and risks. Retrieved from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317221.php.

I do not own any photos utilized in this post

[myhauntedsalem]

13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps

Death, illness and tragedy have long been part of the history of insane asylums, and for as long as they have existed, so too have the scary stories associated with them. From haunted hospitals to sadistic doctors and nurses, psychiatric wards have been the inspiration for many of our favorite horror movies and books. Yet, the true stories told by the psych ward workers below far surpass any horrors that we might have seen at the cinema or read in a book.

Without further ado, here are thirteen of some of the creepiest psych ward stories on the internet that have been shared by health care professionals.

1. HOLDING HER OWN EYES

My mom told me this story from her time at a neuropsychiatric ward while she was in grad school. She was making her routine room checks and happened upon the most horrific scene I’ve ever heard.

This was during the night shift, and generally, all the patients’ bedroom doors should be closed. So my mom turned a corner and noticed an open door. She saw a staff member’s legs on the floor, halfway out the doorway.

When she looked into the room, she saw the patient, a woman with a severe postpartum psychiatric disorder, who had just gouged both of her own eyes out with her bare hands. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding her eyes in her hands.

The first staff member to witness the scene, who was now lying face down on the floor, had a heart attack when he first witnessed the woman while he was making his rounds.

My mom screamed for help and frantically tried to perform CPR on the staff member. All the while, the woman just sat rather calmly, holding her own eyes.

2. THE SAW

I work as a psychotherapist in a hospital system. My definition of creepy is probably quite a bit different from other medical professionals.

The one that got to me the most was a patient who came to us after attempting suicide by sawing both his arms off at the forearm with a table saw. His arms were reattached, fairly successfully too, with only limited impairments in mobility. All I could think was how bad it would have to be to live in his head that sawing his arms off seemed better than that.

He has since completed suicide.

3. JANE?

We had a young lady in our custody with quite a few issues. We’ll call her Jane. Jane’s first night at our facility staff doing a bed check found Jane in a puddle of blood. Turns out Jane had been slicing the skin around her shin with her finger nails and was pulling her skin up her leg, essentially de-gloving her calf.

Jane also had a ritual she performed every night before bed. While in her room she would run between walls in her room touching them in a crucifix pattern. After doing this for a few hours she would sit on her bed and go to sleep. This particular night Jane was frantic in her pace, practically running between walls. Our night staff observed the entire interaction and reported Jane screaming late into the night. When the staff went to check on Jane she reported Jane standing in the doorway smiling. The staff asked what was wrong and Jane replied, “what makes you think you are speaking to Jane?”

4. THE VAMPIRE

My mom worked in mental institutions in her younger years (and actually worked at a large, well-known asylum before it was shut down.)

There was one woman there that thought she was a vampire of sorts. She was only allowed out one hour a day, and they had to use safety precautions. She had already attacked and killed at least one hospital worker before these were enacted.

When my Mom asked about her, it was revealed that she had killed at least two of her children, wounded another as well as her husband because she had some sort of physical condition called Porphyria, which apparently made her crave blood.

By the time that they discovered there was something physically wrong with her, she already had lost her mind from guilt and grief.

5. THE SPITTER

I’m not a psychologist but my friend is. She told me about a patient of hers who was HIV positive and a paranoid schizophrenic. He thought that the nurses who worked at the hospital he was in were trying to kill him, so he would frequently bite his tongue, and spit HIV positive blood into their faces/mouths. When they had to come into contact with him, they were required to wear full masks and gloves.

6. THE ONLY ONE

I once knew a woman who had spent part of her residency at a psychiatric hospital for people with severe mental conditions. Apparently, the grounds had a lovely, enclosed greenhouse. One day, one of their schizophrenic patients was sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette, as a heron frantically flew around. It had found its way in and, not being able to escape, it was smashing into the large panes of glass. The man just sat there watching.

Finally, my counselor asked him if the bird was bothering him and he kind of sighed and said, “Thank god, I thought I was the only one seeing that.”

7. FAMILY PHOTOGRAPHS

My sister is the director of a psychiatric hospital. There was recently a lady there who would cut her arms, legs and torso open and place photographs of her family under her skin.

8. UNDER THE BED

Once, a fellow female patient told me she found writings under her bed. They were just old, small wooden bed frames with hard mattresses that would make all kinds of noises when you rolled over, but I still wondered what exactly she was doing lying under her bed to find these writings.

When she first told me, I thought it was a joke. But sure enough, one day during group we managed to sneak away, and she showed me. Indeed, there were stories written under her bed. After that, we had everyone check under their own beds, and there was more writing under every single bed.

They were stories of patients who had stayed here before, or ways they were planning on killing themselves, or who the good and bad nurses were. It creeped me out.

9. TIME OF DEATH

Well, my mother was a nurse that specialized in geriatrics, and she worked for several hospice hospitals for many years. She often described situations at her work with several of the patients. She would say that each person tends to have a very similar “checklist” that they follow right before death. This checklist often ended in a very similar way. They would get caught talking to someone that wasn’t there. When asked who they (otherwise lucid people) were talking to, they would describe an individual who was already dead. When asked what they were talking about, they would say that their relative wanted to know if they were ready to move on. A pretty common response would be, “Yeah, he/she said that she will take me tomorrow at 3:00.” Well, it would often happen that they would die at the exact time their relatives quoted.

10. THE TEST SUBJECT

I had an hour-long conversion with a delusional guy who was confined to a mental health facility, and who was probably smarter than I am. Lots of these folks believe that somebody – often the CIA – is either beaming thoughts into their heads, or has implanted a microchip in their brains for this purpose. This guy was offering a very thoughtful argument as to why such claims should not be so quickly dismissed.

“It’s precisely because such delusions are so common that mental patients make the best test subjects,” he said. There he was, confined and protected, constantly observed, his health and behavior documented, and there is zero chance that anyone would ever take his concerns seriously. How else would you test and improve such technology? Does the government not have a strong motivation and a plausible ability to create such a device?

“You can see I’m not irrational,” the man said. “I’m just straight-up telling you that they are doing this to me. I know just how unbelievable it sounds, and yet, here I am.”

11. THE BOY WHO LOVED KNIVES

As a tech in psych years ago, there was a 7-year-old kid sent to the floor because the mom didn’t know what to do with him. Sadly, common thing to happen, even if the kids don’t have psych issues. Anyway, the mom was shaking and crying, and they had to take the kid into another room. She was genuinely afraid of her own son. She had suspected something was wrong when she kept finding mutilated animals in the backyard, but never heard or saw coyotes or anything around. The neighbors smaller pets started disappearing. The boy had an obsession with knives, hiding them around the house. Denying anything when the mom confronted him. Then when the two started getting into arguments, he would get really violent and hit her, push her down and kick her, threaten to kill her. On multiple occasions she woke up in the middle of the night with him standing beside her bed, staring her in the face. She put extra locks on her bedroom door to feel safe while she slept. The last straw was when she lifted up his mattress and found 50+ knives of all shapes and sizes under there. So she brought him to us.

I remember talking to him, treating him like he was just any other kid that came through. He seemed remarkably normal, until you spoke directly to him. He had this way of looking right through you, or maybe like he didn’t see you at all while you were speaking.

He would respond like a robot, like he was just saying words because that’s what we wanted to hear. And he would always put on this creepy, dead-looking smile. Like all mouth and no eye involvement in the smile. Especially when he would get away with something, like taking another kid’s markers and they couldn’t figure it out. Still gives me chills laying here thinking about him.

I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath.

12. THE NEW MOM

I was a pharmacy technician at a hospital with a psych ward for some time. We would have to go around with a cart and dispense the patients’ medications, and being a 5’2″ girl, a security guard or male nurse would accompany me, just as a precaution. I never had any real issues other than the occasional death grip onto my arm or manic outbursts, but there was one boy who was entirely different.

His chart said he was nine and he had pale skin, dark hair, and huge bright, green eyes. He always greeted me in the most polite way, asked how I was doing, and always found something different to compliment me on every time. He was extremely well-spoken and mature for his age, so I began looking forward to seeing him, as normal small talk is definitely cherished in that setting. If he saw me outside of his room in the halls, he made sure to say hello and always called me “Miss Jones” or “ma’am.”

One day, a couple of our female nurses saw me pause to chat with him in the hallway, and waved me over to ask if I was out of my mind. Apparently, when he was in kindergarten, he grew an intense attachment to his young female teacher.

This escalated to the point of him calling her “Mom” and leaving notes for her about how he wished he were her son. He had a normal home-life with both parents, and the teacher tried to explain to him that she couldn’t be his mom because that would hurt his real mother’s feelings, and that she already had that job covered.

So, he went home and, killed his own mother in her sleep by cutting her throat, so his teacher could be his mom. The female staff had a general rule of not interacting with him excessively to prevent any kind of attachment from forming.

13. BUGS

Nothing I can say can possibly describe the year I worked in Psychiatric Intensive Care. Creepy isn’t the thing that comes to mind when I think back on it…more heartbreaking and horrifying. But creepiness was a part of it. Especially evening and night shifts, naturally.

There is always something disturbing about watching someone while they hallucinate. You can tell it is 100% real to them, and something about that makes you believe it, on some level. A lot of stories end with, “and of course, I had to look over my shoulder to make sure”. You see the emotions it brings out.

There was a woman that came in and sat down across the table from me for her admission interview. She had bandages all over her arms and scotch tape over her mouth and ears. She looked very uncomfortable and wouldn’t really sit still. When the nurse would ask her a question, she would peel the corner of the tape back and answer, then stick the tape back on really fast.

We eventually found out that she saw and felt bugs crawling all over her, and they were trying to get inside her body. The tape was to keep the bugs out. The bandages were because some bugs got in and she had to dig them out. She couldn’t sit still because she felt the bugs all over her even while we sat and talked. The worst part was, she had some idea that it was her mind playing tricks on her. Can you imagine going through your life, feeling like someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head, feeling like they’re all over you and getting inside of you to the point that you’re digging chunks out of your flesh in a panic, all while knowing intellectually that none of it is real?

[tervenish]

i am unbelievably furious at the US medical system. personal rant below the cut. the medical industry kills women and it’s killing my mother.

my mother has had yet another nightmare experience at the hospital. three days, no sleep, in horrific pain, they refused to give her anything stronger than half a milligram of Ativan. the fucking pain clinic doctor man was like “well, don’t you take baths? don’t you have someone who loves you who will give you a massage? have you tried stretching?” this shit is buried so deep and has been here for decades and they have the NERVE to tell her she should just take Advil and a hot bath. when she repeatedly comes back in and says “I’m still in nonstop crippling pain” they’re like “what do you want me to do?” she asks for solutions. they refuse them. i told her that tip to make them write it down. they didn’t.

they keep forcing her to take medications she tells them she’s allergic to. one stupid doctor a while ago screamed at her and demanded she let him give her intravenously this drug she told him she is ALLERGIC to. he says “but you take Advil and it’s the same family” and forced her to take it. she had a seizure. she was legally dead for several seconds. they treated that but basically did nothing. the doctor ignored her after that.

they constantly put her through scan after scan after scan, and invasive procedures or look-sees or whatever, and then return with “didn’t find anything. go home.” this ER nurse had the NERVE to tell her “we didn’t find anything! aren’t you glad? you should be grateful it isn’t something bad, like cancer.” GRATEFUL. GRATEFUL to be told “we don’t believe that you’re in severe pain. we don’t care enough to try to find the answer.”

the doctors kept asking her “wait, you used to take this medication. why aren’t you anymore?” and like!!!! because the all mysterious They of her medical care, they told her to stop! and the doctors are like. “Why? Why are you doing these things?” as if SHE is in control. as if SHE chose the medical decision. as if she hasn’t been ignored and abused at every turn by this stupid fucking system.

her primary doctor used to be kind. then she started whispering and writing in her chart that Mom is faking it. that she’s a drug seeker. that she’s an attention seeker. then she refuses to answer for it. once she was sent to palliative care, which was awesome! she gets there, starts something good, then goes to return and they say “we don’t have any record of you being referred here.” she asks her primary doctor where the referral went. doctor says “we never sent you there.” calling her a LIAR. the record vanished, or was never entered in the first place. she can’t go back to palliative care. she’s stalled once again.

doctors and services keep refusing to help. or she’s stopped by insurance. then she’s marked as a “doctor shopper.” so she stops for a while. tries to make it work. when it doesn’t work, they ask her “why haven’t you tried going somewhere else?” it doesn’t fucking end.

her system is completely wack and it doesn’t react the way you’d expect. of course, this just makes the doctors annoyed. so when her blood pressure drops but she says she’s in pain, they think she must be lying. every time she goes into the ER or the hospital, she’s practically starting from scratch. they don’t see her as the whole picture. they’re just treating a patient with stomach pain. not a patient with crazy unknown hormone disorders and everything else going on. she’s a symptom, not a human being, not a whole body system to them.

she cries to me, her daughter. her own wife doesn’t want to listen to her cry about the shit she’s been through, too focused on solution-based actions to care for her emotionally. this is the second, or maybe the third time my mother has admitted if it weren’t for us, her children, she may have killed herself. and i don’t blame her.

i’m so pissed. i’m so pissed. i wish i had a perfect memory so i could write everything that’s happened to her down. i get overwhelmed by this SHIT and i’m depressed and anxious already, so i try not to listen and internalize all of it. but then i get into this state where i just want to throw something and storm into the offices and demand CHANGE and RESPECT and HUMANITY.

they found birth defects for the first time at age fucking FIFTY. her entire life, her parents gaslit her. called her a liar. an attention-seeker. doctors continue the cycle. they’re going to kill her one of these days. i’m so afraid she’s going to get COVID and go into the hospital and we’re never going to see her again. people can’t have funerals. i wouldn’t get closure and i genuinely feel i would have to fight the urge to kill myself if Mom died anytime soon.

we live in a world where profit matters more than human life. i’m so angry. i’m so depressed. i love my mother so much. she deserves better.

[starlinfae]

Update of sorts. I just found out recently that I've been diagnosed without my knowledge with psychotic personality and mixed personality since at least 2004 (I was diagnosed transgender 2008 though my first visits over that were in 2003 and it was overturned in 2017). Whether I've been knowledgeable in 2004 or 2003 about the first two diagnoses, I do not know but with my current state of being, I do not recall ever being told about those diagnoses or having been treated for either of them at said era or after until 2012 when I had an episode that gave me psychotic personality diagnosis and medication (which nulled my entire sense of self and identity and I lost all talents such as singing and arts and any and all personality traits I identified/identify myself by). And didnt affect however any of the symptoms it was prescribed for.

I had the trauma and dissociation test finished, with the parting words of the nurse admitting based on her idea of the extent of my research into did/osdd (truthfully a few pages on did-research website) that she had a difficult time administering the test and claimed that since childhood I've been without control creating characters (she did not explain where she got this belief) to appeal and try to gain affection from my parents (sounded like kitchen psychology to me and left me entirely confused),while the truth is because of my cult upbringing and unstable mother and the whole religious dynamic pervasive through every single day of my childhood, I would've been making everything worse by play pretending to be a boy toward my parents. (This was the nurses point, that I wanted to be a boy to gain affection as if that would have worked and become a valid method of gaining affection. I have no memories of such nature toward my parents. What I do remember however is macro managing my behaviour by watching my mothers reactions, where she didn't even have to say a word for me to begin changing my behaviour to avoid her flipping on me or punish me for being wrong).

So in short, the nurse said the test indicated zero dissociative symptoms despite the symptoms i told her and I later repeated them to the doctor (she wrote down that my symptoms don't show up in the test as well).

All the interactions of the nurse were leading and suggestive questions that never had a follow up question further than an answer she deemed to support her idea that I don't experience what I experience. As if she has never worked with a trauma patient that predominantly seeks to minimize and deny trauma and triggering experiences by masking them inside a positive thing or twisting it into a positive thing.

Most of the sessions I felt low key attacked and doubted and like I was supposed to know things I have no way of knowing, such as what happens when I experience amnesia or who fronted during the period I experienced amnesia or if someone else in the system knows what has happened during the time of memory loss or how often memory loss occurs (I only became aware of the specific memory loss because it directly involved other people and the appointment times were incorrect compared to which appointment I thought I was going to, if it had never come up the way it did, i never would have caught on the memory loss at all). If I'm the one with the amnesia, how am I supposed to know the answer to these questions?

Or forgetting details such as what lead to my first sex or that I've attempted suicide in the past. Or that I've forgotten one of my elementary school mates (the only real one) had died a year prior to me refinding it out through fb. (I have a memorial necklace charm now, so I won't forget again). Or having ironically good memory of the layouts of the houses I grew up in, except in two of the houses, they both have the same second floor. One is real and the other one, I have no clue where I slept, where I played, who I shared my bedroom with, what happened on that floor, what that floor looked like, where my brothers slept and what did they do day to day. I have zero memories involving that second floor of that house (aside the only one of watching the neighboring house be on blazing fire), where all of us kids still lived at home. I have one hazy memory of my oldest brother (who has been later described by my other brother as generally violent and disturbed toward my other brothers, he almost strangled the third one by hanging him) and that is about him putting so much ketchup on his macaroni that even the dog couldn't stomach it when I took the plate to the dog.

The oldest brother got engaged and moved out while we still lived in that specific house.

Overall I have a good decent amount of memories (where I am either alone, with external people - mainly other children or then feeling rejected, neglected, punished, disapproved of by all family (aside my oldest brother, he's just a black presence that's never in contact with me or any of my memories) including relatives), except any trauma memories (including second hand trauma I have logically witnessed based on the hint memories and what I've been told about our family).

If im telling any "stories" it's one of Nothing bad ever happened in our family and even though I was alone and rejected by everyone, I was a happy kid. Most of my memories are from summer or sunny days.

So I am left hurt, doubted, dismissed and ridiculed even. And I'm leaving things untold that are outright misconduct toward a patient by a medical professional. And I was basically argued and condescended to til the very end and laughed at during a switch (because the doctor didn't understand what the fuck happened during the meeting with the alter who fronted and then us switching and shaking her hand thanking for her time when we were leaving). And these two were supposed to be somehow specialized with dissociative disorders, yet I had to hear how there is zero main criteria that DID has to have and how ICD-10 is just a mix of guidelines and symptoms and differs greatly from DMS criteria and that DID is a very rare disorder, relevantly new diagnosis and is very rarely diagnosed in Finland as if that makes it as rare as their diagnosing of it. And I'm just saying, other diagnosed Finnish people have publicly outright said that if you want help, you ain't gonna get a diagnosis or accurate help through public sector (where I was tested and all the above is from) but that if you want help, you're gonna have to see a private sector doctor. And I can't afford that, unfortunately and I'm so so tired and disappointed and feel unsafe with these people.

My current nurse uses misdirection by disrupting my talking during our sessions by saying irrelevant comments or demanding to finish lengthily their thought that has been established mutually already that it has nothing to do with my situation or the way I cope with things but is how she personally sees it and how it works for her/how she copes and how others cope. And she does this to shut me up. As if I wasn't there for my care and to get help with my problems but socialize with her about what she personally finds works for her and other and how sleeping badly because the brain can't clean itself from gunk can cause memory problems. And she succeeds in shutting me up because she forces me into a social mode/alter instead of listening to the parts that are connected to trauma. So I can't continue talking because I no longer even remember what. The. Fuck. I. Was. Talking. About. I guess my brain is dirty.

The doctor gave us only one diagnosis that is mixed personality disorder and it is described with profound diffusive identity, dissociative symptoms, psychotic personality symptoms.

I'm so fucking exhausted. I haven't wanted to die as many times in my entire life as I have wanted to die these past few months. I've never considered myself suicidal but I just don't want to exist like this anymore. There's no help. No one's offered anything to help with my problems. It's like they haven't heard a fucking thing. "so how have you been feeling?" is the fucking first thing the nurse wanted to focus on. When I told her I shut the whole system down after the diagnosis bc I cant deal with things (because the angry part wouldn't shut up and was making us crazy by going things over and over even though we can't do anything about it and made us completely apathetic we couldn't function) she says "isn't that a good thing?"

ISN'T THAT A GOOD THING??!

Please, I don't know, the fuck, I'm not sure more education is gonna help it. I don't have words left anymore.