#do you like work still? how are your friends? are you okay? why arent you replying?

[insoupid]

My mom is so obsessed with me it's so fucking annoying

[huellitaa]

why people don't like you ₊˚⊹ 💬🎀

okay this is not as harsh as the title suggests but i wanted to put it literally bcuz this is a problem i've struggled with for the longest time. im gonna be brutally honest here. there are so many reasons why ur not of the social status you want to be or don't have as many friends as you like yadda yadda yadda. SO ,, here's my thoughts on why that's the case , and how to help! 🫶🏻🎀💬

──★ ˙ ̟🎀you're fake

whether its cuz ur trying to "fit in" or because you have a completely different personality stored in the back for everyone you meet, ur fake. its very simple. its not necessarily a bad thing, it just means ur insecure.

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

stop trying so hard girl. it's not that deep. there are 8 billion people on this earth and counting, u really think this person's gonna matter when ur living ur dreams and thriving even more than you ever imagined you could? no. move on. next please!

find out who the fuck you genuinely are. you're never gonna live your life if YOU aren't the one living it. once you get a start on finding who YOU are it's gonna make you more authentic -> more magnetic -> more attractive in every single way, including social.

u arent obligated to fit in. think about the type of people that you see in the street and you stare a while at, the type of people who stand out from a crowd for whatever reason, the people u look up to, ur idols who you could never imagine to meet in a thousand years; do you think they fit in? do you think merging with a crowd is what made them appeal to you so much? no. think abt that.

wake the fuck up and realise u deserve better. why are you neglecting yourself by hiding yourself from the world? would u do that to anyone else? would u get anyone else to change themselves just so they can fit in? girl get a hold of urself!!! you've been through so much and youve made it so far and yet you're still pretending to be someone you aren't?? you deserve SO much better. people who truly deserve you will always love you for you, no one else.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur too awkward / anxious

i want to preface this by saying theres nothing wrong w this at all and i completely understand but ur gonna face some problems of people interacting with you. or you interacting w them. or both. i was diagnosed w generalised anxiety disorder when i was 11, so i understand how much this can impact ur life not just socially but in all areas.

⭐𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

first thing im gonna mention to preface is this can be a symptom of an underlying condition u may need to get checked out. if its impacting ur everyday life please seek therapy, i am not a professional and cannot help u w this, even if i'd like to. i love u ♡

find what is making u anxious. what about social interaction is scary to you, and why? why does interacting w others make u nervous? is there a specific thing ur worried about or u find nervewracking? always. find. the root!

have compassion and empathy and patience w yourself. its perfectly okay and normal to some extent to feel like this and of course we're all gonna feel like this sometimes but its important to treat urself with care, especially in these times.

treat urself as u would a child. i recommend treating urself like a friend a lot but when ur in a delicate and emotional state like this its better to treat urself like ur ur own child. take care of urself with the same love and attentiveness as you would your own children and give yourself time and take care of yourself to work through the issue. ♡

break things down and take it slow and simple. break it into steps and PUT. YOURSELF. FIRST until u feel able to go back out into the public again and be That Girl ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur straight up mean

this can be anywhere from just being generally disinterested in people, being constantly negative all of the time to being just really shitty and rude. we all have the same potentials and possibilities but sometimes we can fall into the trap of negative patterns when interacting with others, which is okay. everyone messes up sometimes. but the important thing is is that we fall back out of that and become even better for it!

💬𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

try ur best to put ur ego aside and think about yourself from an outside perspective. would you wanna be friends with you? if you were another person, how would you think people feel around you?

(🗒🎀 note: if that's too difficult, create someone in ur head or mentally assign ur traits, the good and bad, to someone you dont really know, and think ab how youd feel around them. insecure? jealous? confident? excited? nervous? think about it.)

i know it sounds weird but literally just sit down and talk to people close to u when you get the chance or the opportunity comes up and ask if anything you do comes off rude or blunt or abrupt or any sort of negative trait you think might be the issue here. or just subtly (or directly, either one works) try and find out their opinions on you so u can figure out if that aligns w what and how u wanna be, and then how you can change that.

just be generally more sweet and polite. people are easily gonna like you more if ur not a total dick. stop being mean to people, say please and thank you, compliment strangers, smile at everyone, put ur ego aside cuz its really not that deep girl.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur too nice / people pleaser

okay being nice is not a bad thing. there is a fine line between being THE nice girl and being A nice girl. there is a fine line between being kind and being a pushover. you don't have to sacrifice urself to be nice to people. being nice should go both ways!

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

first things first, like all things and like i've said a billion times before, you need to address the root of what is causing you to act like this. this should always be the first thing you do when addressing any problem, esp w urself. why are you acting like this? what is causing you to endlessly seek approval like this and sacrifice urself in the process? think.

start saying no to people, even to the littlest things. if you want to do it then sure, but start saying no so much more often. it gives you a sense of control and shows you only you have a choice in the things you do in ur life, no one else.

define kindness. is what ur getting in return to this unconditional self sacrifice genuine kindness, or friendship, or respect, or attention, or whatever else you assume you're receiving from all of this? only you can answer that. ask urself what the genuine meaning of all the things ur trying to gain from this are and then see if that aligns w what ur receiving. (🗒🎀 note: also read this post of mine for more on this! ♡)

again, therapy is gonna help a lot w this. if this is making an impact on ur life, social or otherwise, then i am not a professional and cannot help u w this (as much as id like to). ily and i believe in u ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 you seem "unapproachable / intimidating"

people are threatened by talent. people are threatened by beauty. people are threatened by what they aren't. so, congrats! you've achieved your goal! 🩷💭

🫶🏻𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

i told my therapist once that people have told me i seem rude, unapproachable, intimidating, etc. and i felt really upset about it because i dont wanna come off that way. i wanna be nice and approachable and someone people can talk to. and she asked me what i would do if my favourite celebrity or famous person or whatever was my age and was walking through my school. i told her i'd think they were really cool and want to be friends with them, but wouldn't be sure how to go about it bcuz they'd be super intimidating. think about that.

🗒️🎀 note: but if you do find that people say this or act like this around you a lot, then you might need to do some introspection and ask urself if anything ur doing makes people feel like that rather than their own insecurities and mindset. ♡

i just want to quickly add that not everybody is going to like you. everyone feels a general sense of dislike from time to time and this post is what i mean by that, NOT how to make everyone like you bcuz that's literally impossible and something you shouldn't waste ur time and energy on. as harsh as i may have been in this post ur amazing and i love u no matter how much improvement you have to do ♡ i love you and am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too!

all my love... 💬🎀🫶🏻💗

[mxnhoo]

like it (h. hj)

"a no-label relationship, how thrilling can it be?" | cover preview ׂ╰➤ hwang hyunjin x reader (ft jay, jake and jungwon from enhypen, chan, seungmin, jisung, minho) genre angst, toxic relationship, reader has long hair, toxic LAWL, aruging crying kissing in the rain (we love to see it), reader enjoys photography w/c 17.2k warnings toxic relationships (ig), arguments, manipulative, aggressive kissing (gasp!), a lot of kissing (I HOPE I DID OKAY FOR THE KISSING SCENES), hyunjin is possessive, hyunjin invades reader's privacy, hyunjin takes things without permission, hickies, slightly suggestive ig?, occurrence where the reader gets harassed/assaulted physically, fighting, cheating, THERE IS MORE BUT ILL UPDATE WHEN I WAKE UP COS I JUST WANNA POST THIS ASAP, semi-proofread

a/n finally, the fic is out! it came out later than expected, and i apologise to yall for that. this is the first long fic i've ever written and ive learnt that long fics arent for me LOL. cringed so much writing this, i literally have a love-hate relationship with this, but i seriously hope yall enjoy this because i spent so much time on it. likes comments and reblogs are appreciated, and once again so sorry it took so long!

now playing i like it - stray kids

It was getting dark outside — the sun slowly setting, roads having slight traffic due to it being a little after peak hour, and your window blinds were closed, your living room being dimly lit from the lamp on the table and the ceiling light that was barely working.

"Don't tell me you're still going out with Jay?"

You finished tying your hair up in a ponytail before averting your gaze to Hyunjin, an expression of grimace on your face. He was resting on your couch, legs were in a manspread, his arms crossed and his head thrown back on the cushion. He returned the sour expression and all you could do was turn your head back to the mirror to touch up on your make-up, picking up the different brushes.

"Why can't I?" you retorted back, your annoyance towards him gradually growing as you start to dab the brush on your face, focusing on the small details. You two just had an argument moments before, a big reason was because you had plans with other males — well, just one, your best friend, Jay. You two also bickered about other small things, nitpicking each other’s small habits, and it all led to this.

"Because I'm here?" He sat up on the couch, his posture straightening as he locked his gaze onto you, his eyes showing fury as you remained unphased, putting down your brush and holding up your eyebrow pencil, drawing over your eyebrows. His sentiment sounded contemptuous, but this wasn't your first rodeo with him.

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?" you taunted, clearly not intimidated by him as you fully turned your body to face him. The corner of his mouth curled up, raising his eyebrows as he set himself up from the couch, walking towards you until he was in front of you. Considering you were seated, you had to tilt your neck upwards to maintain eye contact with him, your eyes showing no remorse towards him.

"What will I do?" He leaned forward, his face mere inches away from yours. On the outside, you remained nonchalant about it, but on the inside it felt like your heart was going to burst out. "What do you think I'm going to do?" he threw the question at you, and you could feel your heart skip a beat. The way you two were holding eye contact so intensely made your eyes linger over his lips, admiring how plump and captivating it looked, and it didn't go unnoticed.

He leaned in, smashing his lips onto yours with no warning and you gasped. He took the chance to slip his tongue inside your mouth, two of your muscles dancing strongly against each other with strong passion. You closed your eyes and your hands slowly wrapped around his neck. His hands cupped your jaw, manually tilting your head so he could gain more access to your mouth. The passion in the kiss was so evident and it fueled the fact that you both despise yet yearn for each other so much. You slowly felt as if you were running out of breath, so your hands snake down to his chest and you attempt to push him back, but your attempt is fruitless.

This only made him kiss you more aggressively, and this was a way of expressing his frustrations and jealousy to you, since you obviously didn't want to obey him. You gradually started to feel light-headed, and he finally pulled back from the kiss, his forehead resting on yours as he looked at you with the same fury in his eyes. You panted, desperate to catch your breath as you could physically feel your heart racing. His gaze averted to your lips and he chuckled at the sight of your red lipstick being smudged, bringing his fingers up to smudge your lipstick even more.

"Forget Jay, Y/N. How could you think about him when I'm right in front of you?" his eyes softened and he pleaded, causing a pang of guilt to hit your heart. You released a sigh, your hands falling back down to your sides as you leaned back from him, looking around the room to avoid eye contact with him. "I'll cancel, okay?" you muttered, feeling guilty for making Hyunjin feel that way, as well as for cancelling plans with Jay extremely last minute.

You and Jay originally had plans to go see a movie, and you had been looking forward to it for a week, but guess things just don't go accordingly sometimes.

Upon hearing that you'd cancel, his face lit up and a wide grin spread across his face. He brought you into an embrace, his broad frame perfectly wrapping around yours as you nuzzled your face into his neck, enjoying his warmth. 

“Thank you, baby,” he mumbled, hugging you tighter and you shook your head.

“I’m still mad at you,” you replied and he only laughed it off.

You felt so complete with him, so many moments when you wanted to rip your hair out because of him but it always ended up like this. Always ended up in his arms, and no one else.

"You signed up too?!" you exclaimed, nearly choking on your food as you kept your focus on the boy in front of you. Jay lightly grinned at your reaction and nodded his head. Loud chatters fill the cafeteria as you stared at the boy in front of you with a wide grin. Bliss filled you as you processed that you wouldn't be alone in the photography club; it's always nice to have someone familiar around.

"I didn't know you were into photography too, Y/N!" he chuckled, taking a bite out of his sandwich afterwards and glancing at you. You were so excited to finally have a mate that you could talk about photography with. Even if he was your friend for a while, you never knew he had the same interest as you. You were experienced with it, having bought your own camera a little while ago and playing around with it whenever you had free time. Unfortunately,

"Yeah! I actually bought my own digital camera a while ago but I recently lost it.."

Jay pouted upon hearing the news, sharing the sorrow you felt when you first realised you had lost it. "But it's okay! They provide cameras in the club, don't they?" you added on, lightening up the mood.

Jay chuckled and nodded, admiring how you could quickly light the mood up. You took another bite of your meal, munching it down and took a sip of your chocolate milk from the plastic straw.

"Actually, I've already been in the club for a while, I could introduce you to a few of the members right now if you want?" he offered, and your eyes instantly lit up, your face leaning closer to his. "Seriously?! Right now?! You would do that?" you jubilantly expressed, feeling euphoria run through your veins. Jay gave you a small smile and nodded, and you stood up from your chair immediately, creating a loud dragging sound from your chair which caught the attention of a few others in the cafeteria, but you could care less.

"Let's go now then!" you exclaimed, taking Jay's wrist with your left hand and your right hand still holding your half-eaten burger. Jay looked surprised at your excitement, but went along with it regardless. He was more than happy to lead you to the club room. On the way you kept telling Jay about your experiences with photography, and he shared some of his experiences too, helping you to realise that Jay was really interesting as well.

"Well, here we are!" Jay stood in front of a door, glancing at you and realising you had the brightest expression on your face. He chuckled at the sight of you being so eager and he nodded at you, opening the door and gesturing for you to enter first. You slightly bowed and mumbled a small 'thank-you' before stepping in and realising how the room was filled with about 5 people. All of them were new faces, or so you thought.

"Hey guys, we have a new member!" Jay stepped in and closed the door after himself, glancing between at his club mates and at you, flashing you a welcoming smile. From the way he spoke, you could somewhat tell that he was already close with the members, and it reassured you since it would be easier for you to make friends through him. You looked at each person one by one, noticing how each of them were at their own individual spots and giving them a friendly smile until you looked at the last person.

Hyunjin.

And he was holding the camera you mentioned about, angled at the corner of the room closest to him. The one you had lost.

"Oh?" Hyunjin said, his tone sounding amused as he eyed you up and down. You looked at him with widened eyes, not expecting him to be here out of all people. You cleared your throat and averted your gaze away from him, feeling his eyes burn a hole on you from his intense gaze. It was true you and Hyunjin had something, but you two never revealed it in public.

"Do you know her, Hyunjin?" Jay questioned, your sudden awkward behaviour not going unnoticed. Hyunjin smirked and raised his hands up as if he were surrendering, "Who knows?". You bit your lip, feeling uncomfortable at this situation and feeling like anyone would be able to infer that you and Hyunjin had something, but your thoughts were interrupted by Jay's laugh.

"You're scaring the poor girl, at least be more welcoming," Jay laughed out and walked over to the side of a boy who had silky straight hair, his hair slightly over his eyebrows and partially covering his eyes, and a black hoodie nicely fitting over his torso. You formed eye contact with the boy and he flashed you a small smile, a dimple forming on one side of his cheeks.

"Y/N, this is Jungwon, the president" Jay gestured to Jungwon, and Jungwon slightly bowed down. "Hi Y/N! I remember seeing your name in the list; just didn't expect to be seeing you so soon!" he spoke, his voice sounding like honey. He extended his arm for a handshake, and you nervously walked towards him and took his hand, firmly shaking it. You were slightly taken aback to how casual Jay was with the president of the club.

"Hi Jungwon! Nice to meet you!" you greeted him. You felt as if you were walking on eggshells, knowing very well that Hyunjin was watching your every move, and you were familiar with his outbursts after seeing you interact with other males. After the handshake with Jungwon, you quickly pulled your hand back and fidgeted with your fingers, already imagining the argument with Hyunjin in your head.

Jay helped to introduce to the rest, initiating friendly small-talk and helping you to getting to know the members. They were all pretty friendly and lovely people to get to know.

As you reached the last person, Hyunjin, you formed eye contact with him, biting your lip as the tension between the two of you became increasingly unbearable.

"Y/N, this is Hyunjin, and Hyunjin this is Y/N!" Jay introduced. You felt a lump in your throat, suddenly losing the ability to talk.

"Hello, Y/N. Nice meeting you," he extended his hand and flashed a smirk, his gaze on your hand and waiting for you to take his. You cleared your throat and nervously raised your hand up to take his hand until the loud school bell rang. While everyone else looked at the clock or at their wrists for the watch, you immediately pulled your hand down. Hyunjin watched you and slowly put his hand down.

While everybody else was distracted by the school bell and packing up their belongings to head to the next class, Hyunjin took the chance to lean to your ear and whisper, "Meet you after school".

You stumbled back, a shiver running down your spine and you were aggressively shaking your head and shooting a glare at him until he raised his occupied hand. The hand that was holding your camera.

"Unless you don't want this?" he mouthed, not voicing anything out.

You scoffed and scowled at him, giving him a single nod before turning your back on him to leave the classroom. Your eyes immediately met Jay's and you both started to converse while leaving, knowing that you two share the next class.

"Like Jay more than me?" he shot out, swinging the straps of your digital camera as he walked. You walked beside him, keeping your eyes on the camera to make sure he didn't accidentally drop it and he suddenly came to a halt, catching you off-guard and almost causing you to slip.

It was currently late evening, considering that your school ended later than usual today. You and Hyunjin were walking around in a more secluded area in the city that was still near the school, the place being dimly lit and fewer people being present.

Suddenly his body fully turned to yours, his hand lifting your chin up so you could look at him. Your eyes widened as you realised what he was doing, forming eye contact but remaining completely still.

"I asked you a question, darling."

You blinked your eyes at him in confusion, not realising that he had actually asked you a question after cautiously watching your camera that he was holding. You stuttered, "Huh? What? What question?".

"Do you like Jay more than me?" he questioned once more, his face darkening as he stared into your eyes and leaned closer. You gulped, wanting to jump off the earth as you immediately closed your eyes as the proximity increased. The weight of the question hung heavily in the air as the silence grew to be more unbearable. You slowly opened your eyes and were expecting to be met with an angry expression, but you are met with the opposite.

His eyes looked sad, and his eyebrows furrowed upwards. Your heart broke at his expression and you finally answered.

"No."

"Really?" his face lit up, his eyes blinking at you in elatedness. You were shocked to see that he wasn't angry or asking it repeatedly for reassurance but you weren't complaining. "Yeah. I like you more than Jay," you stated.

He flashed you a warm smile and cupped your cheeks, placing a soft kiss on your lips which caught you off-guard. It was almost a switch inside him flipped and he was happy all of a sudden. You felt as your heart started beating in a frantic rhythm, and blood started rushing to your face. You started to feel nervous and you flashed him an awkward smile, avoiding eye contact afterwards.

"Tell me more!" he leaned backwards, still looking at you. "Am I more handsome than him? More attractive?" he continued, clearly wanting your validation and you honestly found his jealousy adorable.

"Yes, you're more handsome than him, okay?" you reassured him, the warmth in your heart growing as your gaze went back to him. You took the time to notice his attire, his straight curtain hair parted into two different sections and a few strands of hair over his eyebrows. His looped silver earrings and necklace nicely complemented his skin tone, and his strong perfume filled the air.

He seemed overjoyed at your response, clearly wanting to hear more. "Am I the only guy in your life?".

Oh.

You blinked at him, slightly taken-aback to his sudden question. Was he the only guy in your life? I mean, technically yes, from how you two acted, but you two never.. had a label. You wanted to agree to his question, but you were reluctant. You answered back with a question, "Are you? You tell me."

He chuckled at your response before pecking your forehead and letting go of your face.

"Let's go."

You looked at him, feeling confused to where he meant but he took your wrist and started dragging you. "Where are we going?" you questioned, feeling genuinely clueless but he continued to drag you, not looking back to answer you.

"Nowhere."

You ended up in the subway with him, walking around the station as you both waited for the train to come. Your hand was interlocked with his, your arms swinging back and forth. There weren't a lot of people since it was starting to be late and the day after was still a weekday. You wanted to ask him so many things, like — when did he take your camera? When did he join the photography club? Since when did he actually know Jay?

"What are you thinking about?" he questioned, breaking your train of thought and causing you to gain back consciousness and look back at him. He had a soft expression, sincerity evident in his voice as he softly grinned at you.

"I have a lot of questions about today."

"Oh yeah? Spit."

"You had my camera the entire time?" you shot out the first question that had been at the back of your head for the entire day after you saw him in the club room. You were happy that your camera was with someone you knew, but you were confused about how he even got it. Sad too, that he practically stole it from you.

"Yeah. Took it while you weren't looking when I came over," he confessed, his tone showing no guilt or remorse. "So.. you deliberately took it without asking me?" "I guess so."

You weren't surprised, you were already used to this, just slightly upset that he didn't tell you first.

"But why?" you asked the part you've been eager to hear the most. "I wanted to make sure there weren't other guys."

'Is that so?' you thought to yourself.

"So did you find any other guys?" you asked. You knew you didn't have any photos of other guys in your camera, but you wanted to hear his response. "You're in the clear," he tilted his head upwards, giving you a downwards smile and his hair fell down to his temples from his forehead. "Must be fun invading my privacy, huh?" you wried, but at the same time you felt thrilled at the thought that he was being possessive.

He simply laughed at your comment, feeling guilty about your statement. He asked, "Shoot more questions, bet 'ya have more".

"You were in the photography club?" "Yeah." "Why didn't you tell me?" "You never asked."

Fair point.

You sighed at his comment, now realising that you don't know much about Hyunjin but it was a stark contrast when it came to Hyunjin's knowledge about you. It felt almost as if he knew everything about you, and it made you feel so vulnerable to him.

"You knew Jay?" you asked the final question.

Hyunjin hummed, indicating he was thinking before he nodded.

"You never told me you and him knew each other personally." "Once again.. you never aske—" "I know that, but you could've just said a simple 'Oh, him and I are club mates' or whatever."

You thought that Hyunjin only knew Jay because you brought up Jay multiple times and that you and him hung out in school. Jay and Hyunjin knowing each other personally was the last thing you expected, especially in a photography club.

"Well, now you know."

The train arrived, the sounds of the train railing in filling up the atmosphere in the train platform. You glanced at Hyunjin and he nodded, both of you walking at one of the doors where the train would open.

Both of you sat in the train, talking to each other and resting on each other. With your hand interlocked with his, his thumb slowly caressed yours and you felt at ease with him, forgetting about all of the relatioship's toxicity. Time passed by, both of you just sitting in the train accompanied by each other's presence as the train stopped at every stop, the cabins slowly emptying out as it became later.

There was endless chatter, laughter and bickering and before you realised, your train eventually reached the last station, the clock already striking past midnight. It was already time to go home since it was a school night, and you two had classes to attend to the following day.

Before you two parted ways, he spoke up, "Hey, about my question, what's your answer?". You flashed a perplexed look, trying to recall what question he had asked.

Oh, that question. You took a few seconds to think about it, feeling like your answer weighed heavily and required sincerity, possibly impacting whatever relationship you had with him.

Am I the only guy in your life?

"Yeah. You're the only guy."

Your response made him smile, and he took your hands into his, bringing you closer.

"It's the same for you, okay? You're the only girl in my life". Your heart melted at his words and you felt truly percepted. He continued while planting a kiss on your cheek "Goodnight, Y/N".

You watched as he walked away from you towards the opposite end of the station, entering the train which was practically desolated and your heart clenched as the doors watched, your eyes on him even as the train moves away. (You didn't want to admit it, but you were feeling upset that he wouldn't take you home, but you tried to brush the feeling away).

By the time you've reached home, it was already 3am. Upon opening your front door, you didn't even bother to turn on the lights, just heading straight to your room and flinging the door open. You felt exhausted, but recalling the quality time you spent with Hyunjin warmed your heart up (but a pinch of sadness because he didn't take you home).

You carelessly drop the bag onto the floor beside your table, a loud thump echoing through the room and you immediately shuffle your feet towards your bed, falling on it, your arms and legs widely spread as you stared at the ceiling, not even bothering to change your clothes first. Your room was completely dark, but the moonlight that entered through your window made certain areas in your room visible — though barely. Not only did you get to spend time with him, but knowing that your digital camera indeed didn't get lost assuaged your worries.

Wait.. Talking about your camera.. Did he even pass it back to you?

You immediately sat up, setting your feet on the floor before walking towards your light switch, making extra effort not to accidentally kick or trip over anything. Upon flicking the lightswitch, the sudden bright light caused you to flick your head downwards and shut your eyes. You slowly opened your eyelids as you gradually grew accustomed to the different lighting and you looked at the corner where you had placed your school bag when you reached home.

You quickly shuffled your feet towards your bag, unzipping the front pocket to see if there was anything, followed by the biggest pocket. Your anxiety grew as you slowly unzip, peeking your head into your bag. To your relief, your camera was resting nicely inside the big pocket on top of your school materials. You quickly snatched it out, inspecting the camera to ensure there were no scratches or dents, and luck was on your side because your camera was in perfect condition from the last time you saw it.

You released a sigh of relief and slouched your back, feeling as all the worry inside of you disappeared. You turned on your camera, wanting to quickly get the feeling of using your camera again after being so sure that you had lost it, and you wanted to quickly take a random shot.

Your bedroom could be considered neat. You were sitting beside the table that was at one corner with your laptop on it, a lamp and at the other side of the room was your bed, but your sheets were all ruffled up from a moment ago. You quickly shot your bedroom, hearing the camera click and a flash shooting through the room.

You pulled the camera away from your face, pressing a few buttons and quickly looking at the photo you took and smiled. You clicked buttons to see your other shots until you realised that there were photos that you don't recognise at all. And that's when you realise that Hyunjin has probably taken a few shots himself from when he deliberately stole your camera.

The first photo was a photo of.. you? And it was a shot of you talking to Jungwon and shaking his hand. This must've been when Jay brought you to the club room earlier.

Second, third, fourth shots were all him taking mirror selfies. There were more photos where he was intentionally making a stupid face and you giggled at his stupidity, your heart feeling warm that you had these photos for yourself, and you continued to click until you reached one photo.

It was a shot with the flashlight on, the photo slightly blurry. A girl could be seen raising her hand up to the camera, probably to block her face and as you inspected the photo more, you realised that there were purple marks visible down her jugular, causing you to gasp. You could physically feel your heart shatter as you continued to scan the photo, now zooming in and realising that the background of the photo seemed familiar.

You could make it out that it was Hyunjin's bedroom, and the girl was sitting up on the edge of his bed. Her hand had fully covered her face, leaving her identity unknown to you but all you could care about were the marks down on her neck.

You felt as nausea washed over you and your heart dropping. You knew that unless Hyunjin was a dickhead and shared your camera around, it had to be him who took that photo. You instantly turned off your camera and dropped it to the floor, not caring about the potential damages done to it and you just flicked the lightswitch to turn off the light. You threw yourself on the bed and nuzzled your face into your pillow, feeling as tears form in your eyes.

Tears slowly start to escape your eyes, feeling deeply betrayed by your discovery. The fact that that photo took a while to reach in your camera gallery just tells you that it's been a while since it's been in your camera, so how could Hyunjin treat you so nicely and restrict you from seeing other people when he goes out to meet people other than you? Heck, you didn't even have the thoughts to go down on Jay on the day you were supposed to go to the movies, but here Hyunjin was, marking others.

"'only girl in my life' my fucking ass, bro" you thought.

"Fuck you....." you mumbled weakly to yourself and your voice cracked as the image of Hyunjin's face appeared in your head when you closed your eyes. You whimpered, feeling as if the whole world just came crashing down and you continued to cry yourself to sleep until you eventually drifted into a deep sleep.

The bright sunlight crept into your room from your window without warning, and your eyes fluttered open as your nose felt congested and your eyes puffy. You groaned, feeling your body score and you rolled over to the other side of your bed where your phone was laying, and you checked the time.

11:28a.m.

You missed class, and typically you'd be panicking and immediately getting yourself ready for school, but not today. Today you were tired and you just needed the day to yourself — a day without school, interacting with people, and also a day without seeing Hyunjin. You picked up your phone from the nightstand and tried to turn it on, spamming the turn-on button repeatedly and realising that your phone was dead probably since you forgot to plug in your phone before going to sleep. That was probably why you didn't wake up, your alarm didn't even ring to wake you up —but it wasn't like you were going to get up anyways.

You sighed and turned to lay on your back, your arm resting on your forehead as you closed your eyes, recalling the reason you were even upset in the first place. It was such a lovely hangout with him last night and it felt as if you two became even closer, but now it felt like he was a completely different person to you.

Still holding your phone, you took a moment to reflect upon everything that has a moment and a bittersweet feeling ran through your veins. You sat up from your bed, looking around and still realising your digital camera on the floor. You set your feet on the floor and shuffled your feet towards the camera resting on the floor and picked it up, inspecting it for damages. Luckily for you it was still in perfect condition, but for now you just didn't want to use it — for now, you could only recall bad memories with it.

Walking to your table at the other corner of the room, you gently placed your camera down and plugged in your phone, seeing the charging screen. You released a heavy sigh and turned away from the devices, stretching your arms in the air and letting out a loud groan.

Did he take that photo intentionally? Were you not meant to see that photo? Would he message you and reassure you out of nowhere?

You slapped yourself for thinking about these questions. You didn't want to see him physically yet he was implanted in your mind, and it pissed you off.

Today, you were going to spend it on yourself. No one else, just you.

It was a nice day outside, beautiful even. The sun was out shining, the breeze brushing against your face and the streets being lightly occupied since the majority of the people were busy in school or work. You skipped down the street, feeling your hair blow as you smile at the different people you form eye contact with. Sometimes when other people return the smile it almost makes you forget how much your heart had been hurting. Keyword — almost. You look down at the pavement, releasing a loud sigh as the road beside you had cars driving past you at steady speeds.

You weren't just going anywhere, you were going to your comfort place. Your favourite cafe — Chronos Brews. You always bought the same pair of items, but maybe today you were going to get something different.

As you pushed the glass door open, the bells attached to the door chimed and while forming eye contact with the worker at the counter, you grinned at them. You strolled towards the counter and went face-to-face with the worker.

"Hey, what can I get for ya?" the male greeted, his Australian accent strong and your eyes shifted to his nametag that was hanging above his left chest pocket.

Sim Jaeyun.You have never seen him before, perhaps he was a new worker?

"Hey! Uhm.." you greeted and you trailed off, looking at the menu to search for something new. Once your eyes found an item you found interesting, you continued, “Could I get a New York cheesecake and a..” your voice trailed off as you eyes continued to scan the menu, “passion yoghurt smoothie?”. 

The male smiled at you and nodded, proceeding to press buttons on the cash register and looking up again afterwards. “That’ll be 11.90, cash or card?”

“Card.”

“Okay.” He smiled.

You sat on a vacant table, the cafe being emptier than usual since everyone else was at work or school. You never realised how calming it could be when you were in your favourite cafe with barely anyone else inside. Just you, the apparent new worker - Sim Jaeyun as well as another girl, sitting at one corner busied by her laptop. As you heard footsteps approaching you, you looked up and you were met with the worker holding up a glass cup containing yellow slush with a straw poking out, and a small plate which had your cheesecake accompanied by a mini fork. He set the food down on your table, and gave you a warm smile. 

“Good choice,” he suddenly spoke up, causing you to raise your eyebrows, “as in, your food choices. I like the passion yoghurt smoothie too.”

You smiled at him, “Just wanted to try something new today. I hope it’s good.”

“It will be, no worries,” he reassured, watching as you lean closer to the straw, sipping up with the drink. Your face immediately lit up, your eyebrows raising, your eyes slightly widening and a smile plastered onto your face, “You’re right, this is good”.

You continue to sip on the drink, the liquid level quickly dropping as he laughed at you. You lean back on your chair, and look at him again, “Say, I come here often but I’ve never seen you before”.

He quickly nodded his head, “Yup, just started a while ago. Usually take morning shifts, do you usually come in the afternoon?”.

You nodded your head, “Yeah I do. Makes sense why I’ve never seen you before”.

He suddenly raised one eyebrow, humming in thought. He asked, “No school or work? It’s a weekday morning” and you quickly shook your head. “I mean, I do still have school but.. Today’s my day.”

He nodded, understanding what you meant, “Well then, could I give you my number?”. You shot your gaze at him, caught off-guard by the sudden question and you raised your eyebrows. He continued, his face growing red as his eyes widened

“A-ah, not for any particular reason! You just kinda.. Seem cool, y’know? And if you need anyone to talk to..”. You laughed at him as you watched him aggressively shake his head and hands.

“Okay, sure, why not?” you giggled, handing your phone and watching as he nervously tapped his phone number, his hands slightly quivering.

After you got the new worker’s number, you left the cafe and went to different places, walking in a mall and buying things, walking in a park. It was a day out with yourself.

Must be fun, huh?

You came back home just a little bit before you ate dinner, and dropping all your bags from shopping, you immediately found your way to your room, picking up your phone and turning it on with high expectations. Your hope only crumbles when you realise that you do have notifications, but not from him. Not a single ‘Why didn’t you come to school today?’ or a ‘Are you okay?’ or if you were lucky, an ‘I’m sorry’.

Before you knew it, you were already grabbing your jacket from your closet, picking up your personal handbag from the floor and putting on your slippers, preparing to leave your house with one goal in mind - confronting Hyunjin.

He first wronged you by taking the photo of the girl, maybe it was intentional to make you jealous? Maybe it was unintentional, but you don’t know which one was first, but at this point you didn’t care. You were mad and wanted to hear it from himself, and if he wasn’t even going to reach out to you, you’re going to reach out to him first.

Standing in front of a door you’ve been in front of so many times, you anxiously knock on the wood, folding your arms as you wait for a response. Seconds felt like hours, and you felt the anxiety in you growing. Sweat rolled down your temples and you bit your lip, suddenly forgetting the words you rehearsed on the way to confront him when you actually saw him face to face.

Your head shoots up as you hear the door unlocking, watching as the door swiftly opens, revealing the man who has you wrapped around his finger. The man who puts you on an emotional rollercoaster, never once getting a break from how unpredictable he is. He looks bewildered at the sight of you, his eyebrows raising, eyes widening and his lips slightly parting, clearly speechless.

He takes a few seconds to process that you were right in front of you and finally breaks the silence, “Y/N? Why are you here?”.

You immediately frowned at his question.

Was he not going to ask how you were? Where were you instead of school? His words pricked your heart but you kept your head high, folding your arms as you lifted your head, “I saw the photo”. Features of confusion washed over him as he looked at you as if you were speaking alien language

“What phot-” “You have another girl you’re fucking with.”

His eyes immediately widened, blinking at you repetitively as he tried to find words to respond to you. “Y/N, what are you-”

“Don’t fuck with me, Hyun. I saw it in the photo in my own camera. A girl, on your bed, with hickies. You can’t tell me I’m hallucinating.” you emphasised ‘with hickies’, your chest finally feeling light as you finally let out the words you’ve been wanting to say ever since you saw that photo in the morning. 

You watch as he gives you a confused look, and it makes you feel stupid about yourself, almost doubting yourself.. “Y/N, do you seriously think of me like that?”.

“Hyun, don’t turn this around on me. I literally saw-” “Y/N,” he interrupted, his gaze softening as he tilts his neck, “you do remember I told you that you’re the only girl in my life, right?” “How the fuck is that relevant in this?!” you yelled. You quite literally couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

His shoulder relaxes, folding his arms, “I genuinely have no idea what photo you’re talking about. I did take photos on your camera, yes, but it was all photos of me, Y/N. Trust me, I never had a girl over, and if anything, the girl would only be you.”

“So you’re saying my eyes are lying to me?” “Yes. I genuinely have never taken any photos of girls, or even girls on my fucking bed. You know me Y/N, I only have eyes for you.”

“No Hyunjin, I literally saw-” “Y/N, please? I know this is serious but I’m really busy right now. Can’t you just forgive me?” He steps forward towards you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to him, his body now pressing against yours as he looks at you with a pleading expression. 

You want to pick up a fight against him. You want to stand your ground, and tell him that you know that what you saw was right. But the way he was pleading, the way his voice sounded so soft, the way he was looking at you so softly and holding you so gently, it made you think otherwise. You averted your gaze, suddenly having a pang of guilt hit you as you sucked the insides of your cheek, not daring to look at him.

“Look at me, please?” he used one of his hands to hold your chin and lift it up to meet your eyes. You looked back at him, your jaw tightened as the guilt grew. You notice how he eyes your lips and how he was gradually leaning closer and you shut your eyes, almost afraid for what was coming.

Before you knew it, his lips were on yours, however, the feeling was different. Typically, kisses with him would be intense, greedy and passionate, but this time it was slow and gentle. He was taking his own time as he slowly cupped your jaw to angle your head. His mouth moved slowly with yours, and you could feel yourself meaning.

As the kiss continued, you felt your anger for him slowly dissociate, your stomach being filled with butterflies and your chest feeling fuzzy as you finally wrap your arms around his neck to pull his face closer to yours. 

You had thoughts that you never wanted this to end, or that he was right, he would only pick you, but suddenly the image on your camera appears in your head again and it causes you to push him aggressively, breaking the kiss and his hold around you.

He looks at you flabbergasted, evidently bewildered as to why you suddenly pushed him away and you just spoke weakly, “We can’t do this..”. No matter how hard he tries, you know your eyes weren’t playing with you and that the photo was real, and you can’t kiss him or the greed for him and the pain would be worse.

“Hyunjin?” a high-pitched voice spoke out from behind Hyunjin, causing your heart to drop and your blood to go cold, already knowing what was about to come. As you averted your gaze from Hyunjin to the voice behind him, you saw it. You saw the girl in the camera, the same girl in your camera on Hyunjin’s bed with hickies all over her neck.

She had the same blonde straight hair, bangs that were slightly uneven and she was wearing an oversized shirt that you hated you recognised. It was a shirt you yourself wore multiple times.

You could now confirm that the girl was definitely in Hyunjin’s bed, and that all her hickies were definitely from Hyunjin herself. You were speechless, frozen, you were unable to do anything as your mouth remained agape, not being able to form words as your mind goes blank.

The silence between the 3 of you became extremely uncomfortable, and though no words were spoken, each second was like a knife piercing your heart and being twisted. 

You couldn't do this anymore. You can’t deal with this bullshit anymore. Without thinking, your palm swiped across Hyunjin’s cheek, a loud slap echoing the atmosphere as you scowled at Hyunjin.

You were done and you weren’t going to feel like you were just one of his toys he can use and throw away once he was bored. “Fuck you, Hyunjin,” was the last thing you said before you readjusted your bag on your shoulder and stormed away, not looking back. You could feel both of their gazes on you as you walked away, but you couldn’t care less, not wanting to face them again, or anymore. 

The only thing you could think about was Hyunjin and that girl. You were feeling so many emotions to the point it was overwhelming - humiliation, betrayal, anger. You felt so ashamed for actually believing that you were going to be the only girl in his life. So much for a relationship with no actual label, right?

Anger grew inside of you as you replayed the scene in your head repeatedly, wishing that you didn’t just slap him, but also yelled at him and put him in his place. Who was he to throw you around and treat you as if you were nothing? 

Fuck him. Fuck Hyunjin. He’s a fucking dickhead. 

You slowly tried to regulate your breathing, staring at the ceiling and occasionally shutting your eyelids as you tried to put your mind to something else. That girl can have him all she wants, and you were just done with him.

You needed to take your mind off of this, put yourself out there to forget about him, but what is there to do? Maybe you can hang out with a friend, listen to music, talk to new people, and what’s a good way to do all at once? A fun night at the club, of course.

Loud music plays through the speakers that surround the entire room, people being able to be spotted in every single corner, everyone having their different reasons for being there. Some want to hit up with others, some want to bond with their friends, some wanna have a drink, and some want to forget their miserable ex. In your case, it was all of the above.

You were walking past the crowd, trying to get past people and constantly angling your body to get through, and once you were finally at a corner with lesser people, you released a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in. You were enthusiastic at the idea of going to the club, but now that you were actually here, the atmosphere was quite overwhelming.

There were people who were literally all over each other, making out with each other as if they weren’t surrounded by a hoard of people, people vomiting and drinking, and people who were just there to dance and vibe to the music. You took out your phone from your purse, nervously checked the chats with your friend and typed to ask them what they were.

Just as you sent a message, you felt a tap on your shoulder, causing you to jump and immediately shoot your head at the person tapping your shoulder, and you release a sigh of relief once you realise it was your friend. Sim Jaeyun, the worker you met at the cafe a while ago. He nervously laughed and scratched his neck as he blinked at you, “This was the last thing I expected when you asked me to go out.”

You laugh at his comment, his presence being a sense of reassurance in an atmosphere of people you didn’t know. You smiled at him, “Is this your first time at a club?”.

He ran his hand through his hair, huffing his breath and blowing his fringe, “I mean, no, but the last time I was here I was just stuck to my friend ‘cause I had no idea what to do..”.

Your eyes lit up at his response, “Right! Like you have no clue how to dance, or if you should talk to someone new, y’know?”. You felt even more comforted that someone was exactly like you, clueless on what to do when you were in the club.

The club was famous for letting people forget their emotions, but you only felt like you confronted your feelings more in the club. He shook his head aggressively, snapping his fingers and pointing at you “Exactly that!”.

As time passes by, you and Jake start to get to know each other, like how he owns a pet dog named Layla and how he loves building legos. You also learnt that he came from Australia (which was kinda obvious from his accent) and that he’s a music-freak - he knows how to play so many instruments that you can’t even name all. You two had bought drinks and were sitting on a table, just chatting as you both got to know each other.

“Hey, I gotta go to the toilet real quick, yeah?”. You gave him a quick smile and nodded, watching him as he stood up and left for the toilet. You relaxed on your seat and sighed, feeling happy that you had a night to get to know someone new, and it felt like forever since you’ve done that considering how much Hyunjin had restricted you.

As you folded your arms and stared into blank space, you felt an arm wrap around you and you immediately flinched, trying to shift away but couldn’t. You turned and saw a man, probably in his late 20s and your stomach drops, suddenly freezing and being unable to do anything. You could tell that he didn't have good intentions, his smug smile telling you everything as he eyed you up and down.

“What’s a pretty babe doing alone in a club like this, hm?” the man said, his tone confident yet sounding so suffocating and your breath hitched, unable to form words as you just stared at the man. 

“Why do you seem so uncomfortable?” he laughed out loud and you nervously laughed, your eyes constantly blinking as you looked down to your feet, feeling so small as he pulled you closer, feeling his warmth against your body.

You wanted to push him away, you wanted to scream at him for touching you but for some reason you just couldn’t do anything. Your heart was rapidly beating as your breathing picked up the pace, anxiety starting to grow inside you as you got nervous about what the man would do to you. 

“Baby, do you like this?” he suddenly put his hand on your thigh, making you gasp and hold your breath. Tears were forming in your eyes as you bit your lip hard, not realising the cut that formed.

“S-stop..” you softly cried out.

“Why baby? Don’t you like it?” his hand slowly traced up your thigh, and you were regretting wearing a skirt to the club. You felt the tears break free from your eyes and you shut your eyes, not being able to fight back. That was until you heard a loud thud beside you and his arm on your thigh being hastily removed.

You shot your eyes open to see what happened and saw the man holding his face as he was forced to turn to you. You looked up further and saw Hyunjin, panting and his face full of fury as he held up his fist, his position as if he just punched the man.

“H-Hyunjn..” you weakly called out, and for a second his gaze softened as he looked at you but was quickly averted to the man. You suddenly forgot all your hatred for him when you saw him again.

“Get. Your fucking hands. Off of her.” Hyunjin commanded, his eyes full of rage as his jaw clenched and his fists shaking, his fingers white from how tightly he was clenching his hands.

The man simply turned his gaze back to Hyunjin, chuckling slowly as he looked at Hyunjin’s expression, scoffing at the sight in front of him, his hand touching the spot on his face that got punched. “And why should I?” the man taunted and leaned back to you, his arm remained wrapped around your shoulders and you stiffened up further.

Hyunjin smirked and cracked his neck, the sounds being loud “You better listen before things get fucking messy, old man, now get your hands off of her. I won’t repeat myself again.”

The man shook his head and laughed, “Look man, I’m not trying to-”.

And before you knew it, the man got punched again and you gasped at the sudden action, your hands flying to your mouth. You noticed how there was now blood flowing out of the man’s nose, and that Hyunjin was tilting his neck and pulling up his sleeves, his eyes almost looking psychotic as he rubbed his fists, his gaze fixated on the man and watching his every move.

You looked at the man and he looked like he lost his mind, his grin so wide and he started to laugh uncontrollably, his head slowly turned back to Hyunjin. His arm slithered away from you and he stood up from the chair, walking up to Hyunjin. “Do you fucking know who you’re messing with?” the man threatened, his head tilted and Hyunjin simply stared down at him. 

Suddenly, Hyunjin grabbed his collar and heatbutted him, “Look, I don’t give a fuck about who you are, you touch my girl again I’m fucking killing you, got it?”. You were afraid that a fight was going to break out, but the man simply pushed away, lifting his hands as if he was surrendering and he shook his head, “I got you man, no need to be so fucking sensitive”.

The man was about to pat Hyunjin’s back to form a truce but Hyunjin gripped his wrists tightly and only glared at him, his glare being enough to tell him to fuck off and the man simply went away, glancing once more at you before he disappeared into the crowd.

“Y/N” he called out to you, his eyes still being full of fury as you stared at him. Deep down, you still hated him, but given that he just saved you from that situation, all you could think about was how grateful you were to him, how much you wanted to go back to him, how much you wanted him again. You stood up from your seat and walked towards him, saying nothing and pulling him into a tight embrace.

Upon coming into contact with you, he froze but after a few seconds you could feel his hands rest on your back, slowly caressing you as you found comfort in his hands, almost wanting to burst out crying from the situation you just experienced.

“Sorry, is this your boyfriend?” a voice spoke out and you immediately pulled back from the hug to see Jaeyun. Your eyes immediately widen and you start laughing nervously, not knowing how to respond. Hyunjin stepped towards the guy, clearly feeling threatened, “And who could you be?”. 

You immediately step in, “Hyunjin, this is Jaeyun, Jaeyun this is Hyunjin”. You nervously smiled and scratched your neck. Jaeyun was smiling at Hyunjin while Hyunjin was glaring at him. You realised that you needed to thank Hyunjin, and also that you and him needed to have a talk.

“Ha..ha.. Jaeyun, let's meet again another time, thanks for tonight,” you said as you grabbed Hyunjin’s wrist and started to pull him out. You looked over your shoulder as you started to walk out, watching as Jake smiled and said his goodbyes.

Once you and Hyunjin were out of the club, you and him stood under a streetlight, and you were now face to face with him. As you looked at him, you noticed his stern expression still being present. “Who is he and where did you meet him?” he questioned, his tone evidently displeased.

You were taken aback by how pissed he sounded, your anger for him slowly returning and overpowering your gratitude for him, “Now why does that matter when you literally had a girl over just a while ago, huh?”.

Hyunjin groaned while running his hand through his hair, biting his lip, “Look, I know you might not believe me but I broke it off with her?”.

“And how am I supposed to know if you’re lying or not?!” you yelled.

“I swear this time. I kicked her out that very day you saw her, blocked her and even broke it off.” he said, his tone sounding serious but you had no idea if you should trust him or not. 

“Look, you’ve lied to me once and you can do it again, Hyunjin,” you stated, your heart aching.

“No, please, I understand why you’re mad at me, and I’m a fucking dick for it, Y/N, but please just trust me this one time,” he pleaded, his gaze softening as he took a step towards you, his hand moving upwards to hold you by the waist but you slapped his hand away.

“Hyunjin, trust me, I really want to trust you, but I don’t want to constantly get disappointed and hurt again,” you spat out, “Do you know how hurt I felt when you literally lied to my face and that girl just appeared right behind you?”.

“And do you know how angry I felt when I saw you with that guy?!” he snapped, causing you to flinch. He noticed and his gaze softened, “I-I’m sorry-”

“I don’t give a fuck Hyunjin, you hurt me so much, do you think I care if you’re angry?” your voice cracked and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes as you relive the pain you felt just a while ago.

“Please Y/N, give me another chance, I promise you I won’t hurt you again,” he pleaded, sounding desperate as he took another step closer, your bodies almost touching as he looked at you. 

He continued, “Don’t.. Walk away from me.. Don’t walk away from me.. please..?” 

You shook your head, biting your lip, “Hyunjin.. I really don’t know..”. He cupped your cheeks and his eyes softened as he saw your hurt expression. He caressed your cheeks with his thumbs, his eyes looking at your facial features. 

“I’ll do anything it takes to earn your forgiveness again, please?” he pleaded once more and all you could wish for was your heart to stop beating so fast so you could think straight.

“Okay,” you replied, but it came out as a raspy whisper. “Can I.. kiss you?” he questioned, his eyes already on your lips as he slowly started to lean closer to your face. You nodded your head, afraid that you were making the wrong choice, but your heart longed for this, your heart longed for him, and at this point you weren’t even thinking about the consequences.

As his lips finally landed on yours, you felt the tears break free from your eyes. He angled his head for more access to your mouth and your hands grabbed his shirt, slowly pulling him closer. The kiss was hesitant, Hyunjin probably afraid you would’ve pushed him away or reacted negatively, but once you responded, he released the breath he never realised he was holding in.

His mouth moved so tenderly against yours, mouths moving in a similar rhythm as he tries to show you how much he loves you without any words. His hands slowly slithered down to your waist and pulled you impossibly closer, feeling his warmth against you and you could slowly feel yourself losing to this kiss.You knew you’d only get hurt over and over again if you were with him, but being with him just feels so right. His lips complemented yours so well, and the way you both always ran back to each other just proves that the feeling was mutual. 

You felt yourself growing breathless so you tapped his chest, signalling to pull back but he interpreted it different and only kissed you harder, causing you to form a muffled whimper as he kisses you more passionately, his lips moving more vigorously and he ran his lip on your bottom lip, silently asking for entrance and you obey. Your head was feeling fuzzy as he continued, slipping his tongue into your mouth and your tongues fighting in a fiery battle for dominance. He finally pulled back, panting heavily as he rested his forehead on yours and stared into your eyes intensely.

“Tonight, stay with me, okay?” he pleaded, his eyes soft as he continued to pant, his lips agape. You nodded, your heart about to burst from how fast it was beating. You stared at him, noticing the bruised spot on his cheek from your slap and you caressed the spot lightly, feeling guilty for it

Few days after the incident at the club, you and he became close again, reverting back to your old non-labelled relationship, your kisses being more passionate and your greed for each other being increasingly evident.

Today, he wanted to have a game-night with his boys and also invite you over, wanting your presence around him even as he hung out with his friends.

Maybe he was improving, since back then he wouldn’t even want to bring you near his friends from the fear of them finding out that you two were a thing.

Maybe now that he was more open to his friends seeing you and him together, he was serious about you, and maybe he’d be asking you out soon. Who knows? 

Your heart flutters at the thought, thinking about all the different ways he would ask you out. Maybe he was going to do it while the other boys were around. Maybe another day, and he’d gift you a bouquet of flowers? Maybe a romantic dinner - the list goes on and on, but you just couldn’t wait to make it official with him.

Game night he said. His friends were sitting around you on the couch as 4 of them hold up Switch controllers, all of them yelling at each other as they stare intensely at the screen, trying to get the task in the game done.

In the room there was Chan, Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and of course, Hyunjin himself. Since there were only 4 controllers, everyone but you and Seungmin was playing, and you just awkwardly watched as they continuously shout random call-outs to each other. Seungmin was to your left, and Hyunjin was to your right, your legs in physical contact.

Being aware that Hyunjin was too occupied with the game, you looked at Seungmin who was attentively watching the screen, and feeling your gaze on him, he quickly looked back at you to form eye contact. He gave you a small grin and greeted you, “Hey Y/N”.

You knew Seungmin but never really talked to him even in class since he was always around other people. At other times, he was around Hyunjin, and you and Hyunjin never really talked publicly for.. many reasons, of course. This was the first time you actually had the opportunity to talk to him properly, and you mirrored the smile, greeting him back.

“Hey, Seungmin”.

You knew that even if he hung out with Hyunjin who could be a bad influence, Seungmin’s kind heart still remained, and your impression on him always remained positive from the times you see him in class. “How are you?” you questioned, feeling less awkward as you finally find someone to chat to while the others are busy with their game.

“Been okay, just been having my usual baseball practices, class been tough lately, you?”, he replied, the soft smile never leaving his face. You looked around the room and hummed like you were thinking and you shrugged, “Just been the same, I recently managed to find my lost camera so that’s great”. Upon saying that, you glanced at Hyunjin who was still chaotically playing his game, holding his fist up to cheer once they managed to finish their mission. 

“Is that so? Must be nice finding something you lost,” “I agree,” someone to your right voiced out, feeling an arm wrap around your shoulder as they pulled you closer. You looked to your right and made eye contact with Hyunjin, him giving you a smug expression as you glared at him since he was the culprit.

“Say, wanna play Y/N? I bought a new game earlier this week, I think it’s pretty fun” Hyunjin questioned, his smug expression never leaving his face as your eyes softened, and you slowly nodded your head, “Why not?”.

Next thing you knew, you were holding the console and chasing after Hyunjin in the game. Apparently, the game name was 'Cops N Robbers’, and you scream at him from all the tactics he uses to juke you. The game setting was in prison, and you were the cop while he was the robber. There were snickers from the other boys who were also playing, finding it hilarious how naive you were to games and how Hyunjin could easily trick you. 

“Y/N, don’t you think this reminds you of us?” He suddenly blurts out in the middle of his laughter. Still furious, trying to chase him, pressing the buttons aggressively “What the hell do you mean? Just get back here!”.

Hyunjin continued to laugh, “Like how you always chase me, y’know!”.

Your fingers stop moving on the console, taking the time to straighten your posture and look him in the eye. He sensed your gaze on him and he did the same, leaning back on the couch to give you his mischievous expression that you had a love-hate relationship with. Your face turned sour as you immediately understood his implication, and the corner of his mouth curved up while raising his eyebrows.

“It’s not one-sided, Hyun, it’s mutual,” you stated, your tone dead serious.

Hyunjin simply smiled, his eyes practically lighting up, “I know.”

You excused yourself after a while to use the restroom, needing a moment to yourself and as you finished washing your hands, you walked down the hallway and heard the other’s voices while wiping your damp hands on your shirt. You felt uneasy as you recalled the conversation you had earlier with him. ‘Like how you always chase me’  ‘I know’

So he knows that the two of you are after each other. Wouldn’t that mean that there is something special then? Maybe.. there is a need for establishment?

You stared into blank space, their voices gradually getting louder as you get closer, their words falling on deaf ears until you heard something that stood out to you. 

“Are you guys seriously not going to get together?”

You feel your body turn cold and you instantly halt to a stop. You stopped breathing as if they would be able to hear you, and you slowly shuffled your way closer to be able to hear their conversation better. You peeked into the living room, seeing the back of their heads while seated on a couch, still playing. 

You saw Seungmin avert his head to Hyunjin, “Yeah, seriously, the way y'all look at each other is insane.”

Seungmin wasn’t wrong. Your eyes then went to Hyunjin, though it was only the view of the back of his head, hopeful that his response would be something you wished for.

“Why do we need a label?”.

Oh. He continued, “Her and I are fine as we are now, we don’t need a label.”

Your heart dropped, shattered, sunk. His words were like a knife that just stabbed you in the heart, and it definitely was the opposite of the response you desired. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t hurt, but maybe he was right. Maybe a label is not needed, maybe you were just too expectant.

You instantly turned your back and sprinted back to the toilet, not caring if you were making noise. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you were not about to cry. Not now.

The boys had probably noticed your presence from the sounds you made as you shut the toilet door shut, looking into the mirror and turning on the faucet to wash your face.

One half of you was telling you that you should stop hoping, while the other half was telling you to establish what the both of you were,, and it was the only thing you could think about.

Fuck it. You’ll ask him later. 

You stared at your own reflection on the mirror, the features of worry taking over as you bit your lip, praying for the best. If not, you were praying you’d be able to take his response well. You didn’t know which was scarier - losing him or yourself in the process.

“Hyunjin, don’t you think you’re too obsessed with that camera? It’s literally all you ever hold nowadays..” Seungmin grumbled, holding onto Hyunjin who was trying to pull his arm back. Seungmin pulled Hyunjin into the crowd of people, loud music blasting from the speakers that were placed at every corner of the place, people dancing and getting all over each other.

It was a sight that Hyunjin wasn’t unfamiliar with, but a sight that he wasn’t that uncomfortable with. The room was slightly dark, the disco lights flashing rainbow colours and Hyunjin sighed, wishing he was anywhere else but at the club. 

“Now why’d you drag me here again?” Hyunjin grumbled, looking around the room, probably finding something he could photograph. He brought the camera to his eyes, angling it around to find something that could be photographed, whether it was the crowds of people dancing, or the sofa area where people were getting messy with each other.

“You’re such a fucking loser, y’know? Stuck in your room all day, get a girlfriend for fucks sake,” Seungmin hissed, sick of his best friend having an image of a loser. 

“What’s the point? Relationships are so troublesome,” Hyunjin complained, still shifting his body to find anything to photograph until his camera is directly pointed to you, standing at one corner, talking  to one of your girl friends and he accidentally snapped a photo, the flash turning on and he immediately tried to cover the flash with his hand, bringing the camera down frantically.

“Who’re you taking a photo of?” Seungmin followed the direction that Hyunjin was looking at, his eyes landing on you laughing with your other girl friends and he sighs.

“No one, it was an accident,” Hyunjin spat out, clearly flustered that he almost took a photo of a stranger. 

“Are you interested in her?” Seungmin suddenly questioned, causing Hyunjin to choke on hair, putting his hand on his chest as he tried to stop coughing. Seungmin shook his head and patted his friend’s back, helping him to let all the air out.

“It’s okay to be interested. I’m kinda grateful you found something else other than your camera interesting for once,” Seungmin teased, watching Hyunjin recover and stand back straight.

Hyunjin cleared his throat, “Who is she?”. Seungmin smirked at his question, “That’s Y/N, she’s in the same class as me.”

“Is that so?” "Yeah, you like her?" Seungmin turned his neck to him, smirking at the boy. "Yeah."

After Hyunjin said goodbye to the boys at his apartment door, the sounds of the door closing and feet shuffling towards you could be heard. Your eyes were closed, head resting against the cushion of the couch as you folded your arms for extra warmth, and you felt a weight sink you down on the couch beside you. You felt an arm wrap around your shoulders, pulling you to lay on their shoulder and you inhaled a familiar scent, a scent that drove you crazy without fail.

You opened your eyes and looked up at Hyunjin who had his gaze locked onto you, his gaze dark as he scanned your features slowly. Your eyes, nose, lips, and he also studied your behaviour, noticing how you mirrored his actions and how your chest was rising up and down at a slow but steady pace.

His expression was unreadable - as usual, and the amount of thoughts that fill your head became overwhelming. No words were spoken, and you had no idea what was going to happen now that you and him were alone. So many questions you wanted to ask, and you were so afraid that if you said the wrong thing, he was going to slip away. 

“What are you thinking about?” he spat out, finally breaking the silence between the two of you.

You hum in thought, thinking about the right words while looking into his eyes, your eyes flickering to his lips every once in a while and you finally respond, “Us”. It took a lot of confidence for you to confess that, and you bit your lip anxiously, almost instantly regretting it as you thought about how he would react to it. 

The way your eyes constantly flickered to his lips didn’t go unnoticed, and the corner of his mouth curves up, his hands snaking down from around your shoulders to your waist,  bringing you to closer proximity as he leaned in, “What are you talking about, Y/N?”. 

His hot breath hits your lips, his eyelids halfway closed as you finally shoot the question that you’ve been dying to ask, “What are we?”.

In almost an instant, you could feel the mood of the atmosphere change. Hyunjin's breath hitched, leaning backwards and he looked at you, his expression still unreadable.

You loved how handsome he was, but you absolutely despised how you could never read him, never predict how he felt or what he was going to do next. Your eyes fell on his lips, watching how it was opening and you were anticipating his answer.

“It’s late, you should go home,” his tone shifted, sounding cold and distant. “What?” you looked at him, your eyes widened as you felt bewildered at his response. Is that even considered a response?

“You must be tired, let’s talk soon, yeah?” He moved back, removing his arm around your waist as he folded his arms, his gaze averting to the light above the two of you.

“Hyun-”

“I’m tired, Y/N, I can’t bring you home, sorry, I’m going to sleep now, goodnight.”

You watched as he stood up from the couch, the weight beside you disappearing. He was so evidently avoiding eye contact and he started to walk towards his room. Before he could step into his room, you stood up and blurted out, “I heard your conversation earlier!”.

He suddenly freezes, a few moments of silence before he turns around, his eyes finally meeting yours. “It’s not important, I don’t want to talk about it,” he firmly stated. This time, you could tell that he looked uncomfortable, angry even. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was sucking the insides of his cheeks, his jaw clenched.

This sight of him was like another knife added to your heart, and you bit your lip as you slowly nodded, “Okay.”

You didn’t know if it was appropriate, but you spoke up, “Goodnight, Hyun.”

You turned your back on him, picking all your things on the couch before pacing for the door, and as soon as you stepped outside, you slammed his front door shut. Once you were outside, you exhaled as if you were holding in a large amount of air and you leaned against the door, rethinking about what you just asked.

The thing you just asked may have just potentially ruined your entire relationship and you wanted to beat yourself up for it, wanting to turn back time and keep your mouth shut, but whatever’s been done is done, and you just have to wait and see what happens.

Before you knew it, it was the start of a period where he didn’t contact you. Like, at all.

Heck, he even avoided you like the plague. On campus whenever you’d see him, he’d notice you then turn the other away, pretending like he didn’t see you at all. You’d go to the photography club to see him more often and on days you were lucky, he was there, but he’d be occupied talking to someone else.

You’d patiently wait until he was finished conversing with the person but when he was done, he would find an excuse to leave as soon as possible. And every single time he did, he had this unpleasant expression on his face. It was the same one you saw the night you dropped the question on him, and you watched him slip away from you.

With Hyunjin practically gone from your life, you had more free time to hang out with Jay, but everytime you were with Jay on campus, you’d always catch Hyunjin staring at the two of you in your peripheral view, immediately looking away once eye contact was formed.

If you were going to be honest, you felt like shit. Were you seriously in the wrong for wanting to establish something? Wanting to make things official?

The first few days, you cried your eyes out, burying yourself in your blanket and feeling regretful for asking him in the first place. You constantly checked your phone for any notifications from him and reread your past chats to relive the past emotions. Once you even called him on accident, your face going cold but before you could drop the call, he had already rejected it.

Talk about brutal. 

When Hyunjn was gone from your life, your life became peaceful, but was it really peaceful when he intentionally did it without warning? You eventually accepted it, limiting the amount of times you open your chats with him and looking out for him in the hallways. 

3 weeks fly by, and you were so convinced that you’ve moved on from him - except you didn’t.

You tried finding the spark in other guys, like Jay, but your heart never melted for him the same way it did for Hyunjin. Your eyes never scanned the room for him like you did for Hyunjin, and you never checked your phone for his notifications like you did for Hyunjin. 

What made it worse was that even with Hyunjin avoiding you, he was always somehow around you. Always. 

In your favourite cafe whenever you were about to leave, you’d feel someone’s gaze on you and when you look up, you'd accidentally make eye contact with someone and it would've been him. He was definitely watching you the entire time you were there and you remained clueless about it.

Another time when you were eating lunch with Jay, you saw him at the corner of your eye, watching as he sucked his inner cheek and clenching his jaw. 

You felt so many emotions. You felt upset and humiliated because you realised you were being toyed with, longing because you missed his touch and also satisfaction from the way he seemed jealous whenever you were with someone else and that he was always watching you.

It was as if you won the game, having him wrapped around your fingers and following you around like a dog, watching your every move. No matter how much you were in love with him, you were satisfied that you were getting under his skin and getting a reaction out of it, you loved seeing him pissed. It was difficult, but it used up every muscle in you to not lose self-respect to contact him again, whether it was by approaching him in real life or texting him.

You were sitting in front of your mirror, the air conditioner on, windows shut and the room dimly lit as you do your skincare, your thoughts drifting to Hyunjin when you suddenly get a notification.

As you swiped up a fair amount of moisturiser from the container into your index and middle finger, you looked at the direction of where your phone was facing downwards and shrugged it off, thinking that the message can be attended to after your self-care session. You applied the cream on your face, ensuring that each area on your face had equal amounts of it when your phone ding-ed again.

And again.

You raised your eyebrows and rushed to spread the cream evenly on your face, curious to who could be messaging you at this time at night. You hurriedly wiped the remaining cream on your neck as you quickly picked your phone up. You were expecting a spam notification from one of those brands you forgot you subscribed to, or maybe a message from Jay or Jake, but it was one you were never expecting.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : hey im outside

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : open the door 

Your eyes widened as your head shot forward in disbelief. You didn’t know if he was joking and was about to just turn your phone off until another one came in.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : please

Next thing you know, you swung your apartment door open to reveal a Hyunjin who was panting, probably from running, his leather jacket wrapped around his wide figure and you eyed him up and down, not believing the sight in front of you. You knew that you were going to see him again, but you never expected it to be at his own accord. Your jaw dropped slightly, your eyes scanning his entire figure.

“I’m cold, can I please go inside?”

Still slightly confused, you nodded your head slowly and moved aside, gesturing for him to go inside and he gave you a small smile, stepping in and you closed the door as he entered. You watched as he removed his shoes and placed it at the rack at the spot he usually places it.

Without looking back, he stepped into your living room as if he hadn't ignored your existence for  3 whole weeks.

You quickly followed behind him, watching his every move. It almost felt unreal that Hyunjin himself was in your living room, walking around. He set himself down on your couch, a loud sigh leaving him and he pursed his lips, looking up at you. Eye contact with Hyunjin wasn’t new, but with the thing of him ghosting you, you almost thought you were dreaming. You stared at him with your mouth slightly agape, your eyes not blinking even once as he chuckled.

“Why.. are you here?” you finally mutter out the question that confused you the most.

“I missed you,” he replied with no hesitation.

You were taken aback at how easily he could just show up at your place out of nowhere and just admit he misses you after ghosting your entire existence for a long period of time. 

“What the fuck?” you blurted out, features of disgust taking over you.

“Look, I know I ignored you, okay? But-” “Yeah, you better have known you fucking did.”

He sighed, looking down and leaning forward, his arms resting on his knees and hands clamped together before continuing, “I just needed time. Time for myself.”

“For what exactly?” you shook your head in disbelief.

“I don’t know, my head was just.. Kinda all over the place,” there was a moment of silence before he continued, “I’m here because I want to make it up to you.”

“I’m not forgiving you so easily, Hyunjin. You threw me away too easily for 3 whole weeks.” “You’re counting?” “Of course I am, dipshit!” you shot and he only shook his head, a playful smile on his face indicating he wasn’t taking you seriously.

“I know it won’t be easy, but just give me another chance, hmm?” he pleaded, his eyes lighting up as he looked up at you, flashing a small pout. 

You cross your arms, biting your lip as your mind gets flooded with so many thoughts. You wanted to forgive him, but you were afraid he was going to throw you away again. You wanted to shut him out, but you feel empty without him. “You can’t just leave and expect me to accept you into my life so easily,” you shot, feeling overwhelmed that you had to make a decision.

He stared at you in silence, so many thoughts behind his eyes before he suddenly held his hand up, “Let’s go on a walk”.

You tilted your neck, “Are you crazy?!’. You turned your head to look at the clock hanging near you, “It’s literally past midnight, Hyunjin!”.

“I know,” he replied, with no emotions in his voice. “I’ll bring you to eat your favourite,” he added.

“It’s cold outside,” you gave another excuse. He immediately unzipped his jacket, discarding it from his body and offered it to you. You shook your head in disbelief, “I just can’t-”.

“Please? Pretty sure your favourite cafe is still open, and I know a few photography spots if you wanna bring your camera along,” he asked again, his words so tempting. You sighed, not believing what you were going to say next, “Fine”.

That night, he brought you out to Chronos Brews, treated you to anything you wanted and you two eventually started to talk again, though you had your guard up.

You brought your camera and he really did bring you to a few photography spots that were amazing despite it being night time. You did this once.

And twice.

Thrice.

A fourth time wouldn’t hurt right?

He was now the one frequently messaging you, double-texting (sometimes even triple) and calling you at night just to hear your voice, and facetime you just to see your face. He even brought you flowers on a random occasion and you two went to school together, frequently heading to the photography club to chill together afterwards and hanging out afterwards. It was like how it was before, but you saw him even more frequently and you had no idea if it was a good or bad thing. But as long as your heart feels happy, right?

Frequently when you were with him, you’ve always felt a bit scared that he would just slip away again, part of you thinking it was because you asked the question but you tried to brush it off, thinking that you were just overreacting and that you should just be happy with whatever you have now. 

Everything is so perfect now, why ruin it because of your overthinking?

You laid in his bed, his arms wrapped around you as he gently caressed and patted your back, his touch making you feel sleepy. The past few days have been amazing. Hyunjin was now doing everything that a boyfriend would do - bringing you more flowers, playing songs on his guitar for you, calling you every night just because he wanted to hear your voice and see your face, acting intimate with you even in the public eye.

He surely seemed more serious about you, wanting to show everyone that you belonged only to him, glaring and threatening anyone else who showed signs that they wanted to hit on you or even befriend you. You looked up at him, the way his eyes were closed and his bangs were covering his eyebrows, looking so peaceful.

You could tell that he was gradually falling asleep from how his hand movements got slower and weaker, and you only stared at his features, softly giggling to yourself about how cute he looked. His chest rose up and down slowly, his body completely relaxed with you in his arms and you could only wish that you and him could stay like this forever.

Sitting on his couch, your eyes were glued to his bare back as he stood at his kitchen sink, washing the dishes after you and him had eaten dinner together. You softly smiled, feeling comforted by his presence, finally feeling like he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“Hyun,” you softly called out, and he hummed in response, his head slightly turning over his shoulder as he continued to wash the dishes.

“Come here, quick,” you pleaded, wanted to feel his warmth again and he chuckles, nodding his head but not sparing a glance at you. You observed as he finished washing the dishes, placing the plates on the drying rack and washing his hands before he turned his back, eyes forming eye contact and he approached you with a small grin on his face.

He sat himself beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you to his chest, “Miss me that much?”. You giggled and nodded your head, ruffling your head into his neck. 

“Hyun,” you softly called out, your heart starting to beat faster as you mustered up courage to shoot the question again.

You continued, “Can I ask you a question?”. He hummed, caressing your shoulder with his thumb, and you shot your gaze at him, looking at him with doe eyes. 

“What is it, Y/N?” he smiled down at you, his eyes filled with affection. Looking at how comfortable he was, it warmed up your heart and made your chest feel fuzzy, butterflies filling your stomach and you couldn’t help but feel that your feelings were being properly reciprocated. 

“Promise me you won’t get mad?” you asked, suddenly feeling hesitant. You had faith that he wouldn’t get angry anymore from how much the two of you have been bonding the past few weeks, but you still felt dubious since you remember how fast he switched up the last time you asked him the question. You were afraid he was going to slip away again, but you were hoping that this time he’d react differently.

“As long as it’s not that one dumbass question, I won’t,” he chuckled and your heart instantly dropped. Your smile started to fade and you blinked at him in confusion,

“What ‘dumbass’ question are you.. Referring to?”.

“That stupid ‘what are we’ question or whatever you asked last time,” he spoke, the smile on his face remaining which caused your heart to shatter. Even after all this time with you, he still didn’t want to establish anything and even called the question ‘stupid’.

You immediately pulled away from him, features of hurt on your face as it was now his turn to be confused, the warmth he felt from you slowly disappearing. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and the way he was so clueless made you feel so irritated, “Oh..” he now understood your reaction, “Don’t tell me you were going to ask that shit again..”.

“I don’t see what’s so ‘stupid’ about it, Hyunjin” you spat out, frowning your eyebrows as you felt a knife stab your heart.

“No-” he seemed flabbergasted by your response and scoffed, “I don’t see what’s so important about knowing what we are, Y/N,” his words twisted the knife in your heart, and you clenched your fists, your fingers turning paper white from how tightly you were clenching them, “Can’t we just be happy as we are? Don’t you think it’s fun?”

“It’s not fucking fun, Hyunjin!” you snapped, and his eyes widened, taken aback that you raised your voice at him. He stared at you, his jaw dropped and his eyes darkened, his eyes expressing how infuriated he felt.  You continued, “I’m worried every single fucking day that you’re going to just suddenly slip away one day, Hyun,” you bit your lip and your voice started to crack, “Why don’t you want the same thing? After everything?”.

He took a deep breath and turned away for a second, huffing air afterwards and causing his bangs to fly up. “Do you realise how much of a clingy, annoying bitch you sound right now?!” he yelled, causing you to flinch. Your eyes widened as you realised what he said, bewildered that he could say such degrading words to you. You both stared at each other, the weight of the air being heavy and the knife in your heart twisting even more now.

“Clingy.. Annoying.. Bitch?” you repeated, your voice soft and in disbelief as you still needed to process what he said to you.

“I thought you were different, Y/N, it was more fun when you weren’t worried about all these shitty things,” he continued, and you shook your head. “Since I’m not so fucking different, then I can just walk out right now, can’t I?” you stood up from the couch, your body still fully facing him as you kept your guard up in case he tried to do anything to you. 

“Fuck, just go! I don’t give a fuck!” he yelled and you could feel tears forming in your eyes, but you weren’t crying. Not right now, not in front of him. You weren’t going to let a dick break your heart and make you feel sad. You flashed him a hurt expression and almost in a snap, his facial expression softened, “Wait- Y/N- I didn’t mean tha-”

“I’ll go since you want me gone so bad,” you stormed to his room to take the bag that was laying on the floor, looking around to ensure you left nothing behind. He quickly followed behind you, trying to get you to look at him, “Y/N, please look at me”.

You ignored all his pleads, not even sparing him a glance as you walked past him out of his room, already heading straight for the door. He grabbed your wrist and you stopped moving, “Please, I didn’t mean that Y/N and you know that”.

You flicked his hand away from your wrist, turning your body to look at him, tears already breaking free from your eyes as you shouted, “I’m fucking sick of being treated just as one of your toys! I’m done Hyun, I don’t wanna see you anymore!”

“I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean it-”

“I’m done. I’m done with.. whatever we have!”

You turned your back to him, heading straight for the door. This was the moment you’d never thought you’d be experiencing so soon. You were so afraid of the day that this was going to happen, and now that it happened, you had no idea how to feel. You opened his front door and looked at him one more time before stepping out and slamming the door shut. 

The day you left, he tried to contact you multiple times, whether it was call, text, going to your house, approaching you in school, but you brushed him away every single time. You didn't want to deal with his bullshit anymore, but he wanted you to let you understand his perspective. The last time you saw him, he mentioned a time, date and location. You had the choice to go, but you didn't know if you were going to meet him. You didn't know if you were ready or if it was worth hearing it.

That day eventually came, and you were just hugging your pillow, all cozy in your bed. Your phone vibrated and you lazily rolled over your bed to pick it up and see what notification you received. Your heart aching when you realised it was from him, a feeling you were so familiar with.

hwangjin : hey

hwangjin : you remember we're meeting up right?

You knew that if you went, it could possibly be the end of everything. A part of you was so afraid of what he was going to say. You were about to turn off your phone until more notifications came in.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : i'm really sorry, okay?

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : i really hope you come

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : give me a chance to explain myself

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : okay?

You received another notification which broke your train of thought.

Weather Alert: 🌧️ Heavy Rain Expected! 🌧️ Get ready for showers! Rain is expected to start within the next hour and continue throughout the evening. Make sure to carry an umbrella and stay safe.

"Y/N!" the familiar voice called out to you, and you scanned around the cafe until you spotted the figure that was aggressively waving his hands and looking at you.

You sighed at the sight of him, not looking forward to the conversation you two are going to have. You took your time to walk to him, dragging the chair opposite of him and sitting yourself down, his eyes locked onto you and watching your every move.

You set your eyes on the table, realising how all your favourite items from the menu were nicely set down and you looked up at him, noticing his guilty expression.

"I.. bought your favourite!" His voice sounded nervous, and you looked at the classic New York cheesecake that was served on a nice small rounded plate, accompanied by the usual passion yoghurt smoothie that was packaged in a plastic cup, a small amount of whipping cream overflowing from the hole of the dome lid.

You raised your eyebrows at him, praying that whatever explanation he had would be convincing enough and make your anger for him perish.

You pick up the small fork that was resting on the plate and stab the cake, putting the cake to your mouth and chewing. You didn't say a single word, you wanted him to do all the talking so you could evaluate to see if he was even being serious about wanting to clear up the misunderstandings you both shared.

You savored the sweet taste that filled your taste buds as you continued to eat on the cake, patiently waiting for him to speak up.

"Y/N..." your eyes travelled to his, raising your eyebrows as you anticipated what he was going to say. "I love you."

You dropped your fork to the floor, creating a loud metallic sound across the entire cafe. You received glances from other people, but they quickly went back to their business. You blinked at Hyunjin in disbelief to what he had just confessed, and your mind that was overflowing with thoughts suddenly cleared up.

His confession didn't particularly make you feel overjoyed, just shocked. You'd be lying if you said you would have expected this.

"You.. love me?" you blurted out, still feeling taken aback by his sudden confession when you were expecting him to do anything else, like apologise or whatever.

"Yes. Yes I do," his voice sounded serious. You were never expecting the day that Hyunjin, your situationship, was going to be direct with his feelings and not fucking around.

"How so?" you shot out, curious as to his reasons on why he 'loves' you. A soft thunder accompanied your question, adding more suspense to the situation.

He looked slightly taken aback by your sudden question before he cleared his throat and looked around, blood rushing to the tips of his ears and a hint of pink flashing.

"I.. love the way you look so gorgeous" he hesitated, but he looked relieved after mustering up the courage to voice it out. You didn't feel satisfied one bit. You only felt annoyed at his answer, scoffing upon hearing it. "Okayyy? That's all?".

He seemed slightly puzzled as to how the first reason wasn't sufficient, but he cleared his throat and continued, "I like the way you kiss me.. hug me..". You rolled your eyes, not feeling a pinch of sincerity in his words and you sat back, folding your arms.

"Are you serious right now?" you scowled. Even a kid in elementary school could show more sincerity than Hyunjin, and this thought made you just want to slap him and leave him.

"Why wouldn't I be, Y/N?" he asked, giving you the puppy eyes before you roll your eyes once more, the annoyed feeling slowly turning into irritation. You spat out, "Let's be serious, Hyunjin. You're only with me for fun". A louder thunder was followed by your words, the sound of rain dropping commencing.

His facial expression immediately showed that he felt offended, and he defended himself, "If I was only with you for fun, I wouldn't be thinking about you every fucking second!".

'Now that's what I'm talking about.' you thought.

He continued to rambled on, "I wouldn't be imagining you while messing around with other people, or—"

"Okay, so what are we?"

He fell silent but he continued to stare at you, noticing the grimace on your face. He finally spoke up after a while, "We're friends".

'Ouch,' you thought.

"So we're friends that hug, kiss and get jealous over each other?" you contradicted his statement, your tone filled with sarcasm.

"Friends with benefits?" he stated, almost sounding confused and it made you want to scream at him.

"No.." you stood up from your chair, taking your belongings and he mirrors your actions, immediately standing up and panicking and feeling puzzled as to why you were preparing to leave. "Y/N—"

"No. I don't want to do this anymore." you stated, tears slowly forming in your eyes as you shot a glare at Hyunjin. He bit his lips and seemed unsure of what to do, and this sight of him broke your heart even more.

You picked up your bag, storming out and upon opening the front door of the cafe, you soon realised that it was pouring heavily, but it was the least of your concerns. You stepped out into the rain, feeling the cold water hit your skin and you shivered at the contrast in temperatures from inside and outside of the cafe.

You heard a voice behind you, "Wait, please!". You knew it was him, and it took every part of you to just not turn around and just continue walking, but you were forced to a stop when he gripped your wrist tightly to prevent you from walking even further. "Please.. can we just please talk?".

"I'm just.. so fucking confused! What the hell are we?!" you cried out, throwing his hand and turning your body to him, your tears continuously running down your cheeks but blending with the raindrops that fell onto your face. Your face wrinkled up, feeling so furious yet the emptiness in your heart yearning so much for Hyunjin.

Hyunjin's gaze softened at you, his eyes showing remorse as he cupped your cheeks, pecking your forehead before resting his forehead on yours. You continued, "I don't see a point in this, you already stated clearly that we're just friends with benefits, you don't want a label, but that's exactly what I want, Hyunjin".

"You love me, and I love you, so I don't see why it's so hard to—" you rambled on but your words were quickly put to a stop when he placed his lips on yours. Your hands immediately snaked up to his scalp, grabbing his hair while he cupped your cheeks, pulling your face closer to him. The kiss was slow and intimate, and it was almost like all your problems and misunderstanding vanished in one second.

The rain continued to pour, both of your bodies getting increasingly drenched but it was a problem that didn't bother you and Hyunjin. The warmth that was filling your bodies was sufficient, and the burning desire for each other only brought the two of you closer.

He tilted his neck in desperation to gain more access to you. He softly nibbled on your bottom lip, silently asking for permission for you to open your mouth, and without any reluctance, you opened your mouth.

Your tongue is immediately met with his, and they are swirling against each other. He took this chance to explore your mouth, your heart slowly melting at the passionate kiss. Blood rushed to your faces, both of your faces being a bright red as you both were desperate to sate your desires for each other.

It was obvious, you two were made for each other. Regardless if there was a label or not, you both always ran back into each other.

He softly pulled away, his eyes locked onto yours as he beamed at you. You returned an annoyed smile, and you ran your hand through his dripping hair, slicking it back.

"Please just tell me, I don't want to just be your 'maybe', Hyun," you stared into him, your gaze intense.

"For all I know, you aren't just a 'maybe', Y/N," he replied.

There were a few moments of silence before he continued, "I'm scared, Y/N, I really am," he tucked a hair that stuck to your face behind your ear, the raindrops never stopping to drench your bodies, "But I wanna figure it out with you, please".

You shook your head, not feeling completely satisfied but you were feeling happy that he was honest. He finally opened up to you, and you felt like it was a big improvement.

You two stared at each other for a moment, and you chuckled at the sight of him, warmth filling your heart as you felt like everything had changed. Realising that you were chuckling at him, he stuck his tongue out at you, and pecking your cheek afterwards, holding you oh-so-gently.

"Don't hurt me again," you said, but it came out as a raspy whisper and he slowly nodded.

"Of course," he replied. "I love you," he blurted out and it caught you off-guard, but you quickly composed yourself and chuckled at him, squeezing his cheek, "You're so adorable, you know?".

"Don't tease me, god,"

"I love you too," you replied. "I know you do"

And he pulled you into another kiss.

taglist! : @chwesuh-imnida @hyunlvrs @aft2rsexs @laylasbunbunny @neosracha @axhyyy @zennnnny @superbbananananana

@tsunderelino @skzdedgf (just thought you'd like to get tagged!)

[stuffyflowers]

follow up to the bad driving post from yesterday. explanations under cut also feel free to argue with me lol

So basically top left = characters who drive badly but not in a way that will cause a crash, top right = characters who are actually all things considered good at driving, bottom left = characters who should not be behind the wheel ever, bottom right = characters who are good drivers in theory/most of the time, but certain factors can make them become car crash material.

Dalv: In my mind, Dalv is the most cautious and safe driver ever, to the point where he loops back around to being a shit driver. You do not want to get stuck in a lane behind this guy he will not go even CLOSE to the speed limit. He will probably let you through when he has right of way. etc etc. Ig on the bright side he doesnt get into enough situations where a car crash could really occur? yay?

El Bailador: Kind of guy who drives windows down music blaring probably speeding slightly at all times but somehow has never had anything bad happen to him. he is being protected by higher powers because he is sooooooo nice and cool :)

Ace: Ridicules all his friends for being bad drivers then actually gets behind the wheel and he sucks almost as bad. Yk, given how his whole thing in the Wild East is facepalming at the five's antics while arguably being worse than a lot of them in that regard. Why are you encouraging a child to gamble. Why are you tormenting blackjack with mooch. Whats his problem

Edward: Okay I didnt really know where to put Ed.. Hes in a weird situation where,, i think his biggest problem would be finding a car thats actually suited to him. Like how he wants to play the guitar but his hands are too big to actually play any of the ones they have. After that though, I think he'd be pretty good, at least decent! He does have some anger issues to deal with (beat up blembino that one time lol) that could cause problems but hes working on it :)

Moray: Pretty self explanatory. The most normal feisty five member. Probably their designated driver 90% of the time. The only reason theyre not completely top is bc their one weakness is whilst they ARE the voice of reason, they do ultimately go along w the group most of the time even if they feel whats happening is wrong. Maybe picks up on the five's bad habits a bit? Overall still a trustworthy pick for driver i think.

Flowey: Ok.do not take this too seriously..............Ik he doesnt have feet for th pedals but consider. Its funny. He can use his vines trust me (also even if he cant physically drive i feel like he'd have a really good understanding of driving. guy who has read every book is bound to have useless knowledge on topics that arent at all relevant to him. and you cant crash the car if youre not driving i guess!!!!!!!!!! but also. funny.)

Ceroba: Similar case as Ed. Actually good at driving but holy fuck the road rage. I feel she'd be worse at responding to it than him bc she has so little self respect. very "I will kill us both😳" attitude abt tailgating and shit like that. Usually better at keeping it in when shes driving with someone else.

Martlet: Maybe she should be furthest down bc she is the only one to canonically crash a vehicle…, Idk I feel like she’d be sliiiightly better w a car where her focus has to be constantly checked, she cant get distracted while filling in questionnaires with clover if she’s driving. That being said she is still. Yeah.

Mooch: similar to mart. Just cannot see her being a good driver. Sorry girl </3

Starlo: starlo.

Axis: faceplanted right in the center bc hes a wild card to me. Would he have insufferable road rage? Would he actually be pretty chill and responsible? Can he even drive if his foot is a singular wheel? Who knows.

[tea-and-secrets]

i know this is an unpopular opinion bc this is the "cut off your friends for having a bad day!!!! theyre toxic! you don't owe anyone ANYTHING!" site but ive found the more people on here talk about shit like "loving people at their worst" and "helping their friends" and "you have to make peace with being a burden" and "the loneliness epidemic is so sad :(((" type posts the more likely they are to be a shit friend that resents actually having to help you for any reason. if you arent capable of being able to help someone thru a mental health crisis or take a risk helping someone in a bad place or in asking if someone's okay and not immediately dropping it at the extremely-typical-symptom-of-cptsd deflecting, you're not a friend, straight up. that is an acquaintance and that is fine. but acting like that's friendship is lying to yourself. its incredible that people act like this is fine on the site that constantly complains friendships arent taken as seriously as romantic relationships - maybe some people crave that romantic relationship bc it comes with an assurance that they won't be given up on as easily. for a literary culture that romanticises loyalty in a big way everyone on here loves to make up excuses to flake on it in their real life relationships with the excuse that the other is a bad person, a terrible friend, toxic, when id bet my ass they never tried to talk to them about the problems they had with them even once lol and i know everyone on here likes to say they're a people pleaser like that's some virtue and not a maladaptive coping mechanism thatll bite you in the ass and choke out all your friendships, but honestly if you can never get yourself to bring up to someone you call a "friend" that they hurt you or made you upset or made you uncomfortable, and you cut them off for that, you're a shit person. if you never once voice your opinion and fault them for not working around it, you're a shit person. if you get mad at and hold grudges against someone for violating boundaries you never once set up or even tried to hint at, or not solving problems they didn't know existed, you're a shit person. i had friends go nuclear and cut me off during the delusional haze after one of the most traumatic events in my life and it was over shit they'd apparently kept silent about for years. years. and never once tried to bring up. some of those things were things we'd already talked about and i apologized for and i thought we'd cleared the air on, but they were still upset over it and held me acting that way in the first place over my head as if i was evil for having those thoughts in the first place, and they'd never once hinted that they were holding that grudge the entire time we were "friends".

i see posts now that are like "it's sooo great to cut a toxic friend out of your life :) breath of fresh air" and i look at the notes in agreement and wonder how many of those people did what they did, refused to talk about their problems only to hold those problems against someone as black marks on their character. very few people actively want to be an asshole, most of the time just telling someone "this hurts" or "this upsets me" is enough to get them to stop and reconsider what they've been doing. i know i didnt want to. i begged you to tell me if id hurt you and you still lied to my face. why did you think id willingly want to hurt a friend? i tried to work with your symptoms, i always came to you when id been upset to get clarification, and i thought you'd do the same. what did i do to deserve that

.

[mrspark7777777]

i love how all the km blogs have been avoiding the behind the scenes "we all live alone" question like a parasite or smthing, bc none of you are are actually confident about anything, you just dont wanna leave your fantansies or open your mind a little to other options/facts/opinions. that is not called being insecure but a person who looks at all angles. you all just dont have anything to support your thoughts so just laugh and say okay its your opinion, i dont share it or ask someone else, or some other way of diverting the question labelling all as insecure. guess everything always works out for you or you usually get what you want, so you dont need to even look at other options or think from a broader perspective. also even if some people are insecure whats it to you, to answer each of thier questions. i was always firm in my belief that though they have some special friendship they arent dating bc of so many past inconsistencies, but i have always seen km blogs find the wierdest and farthest explanations for some things to suit thier purposes. bc come on a person you are intrested in or care about as much as you all think they do or jk does, and doesnt even know about all teh content or doesnt even know that jm's face music show performances ended, srsly?! my best friends boyfriend who studies at diff university, still knows more about her even when tehy are both extremely extremely busy. Even if Jm ever says he doesn't like men or he likes women, you all will still find a hidden meaning to it.like srsly someone had to admit it that majority of the km blogs dont have any idea or reasoning behidn ehat was said to suit thier purpose and will still cling to it, by diverting the other opinions as insceure jikookers, or that we have a diff opinion, but i have not even heard that so called diff opinion. bc you all dont have one

Jimin was basically living with pdogg when creating FACE. Which clearly means he was avoiding any distractions. His boyfriend looks like this ffs.

Can we really blame the dude????

We are talking about a guy who was begging to go to Jimin's while he was half naked in bed

Surely this explains why Jimin needed to stay away, no?

JK was going through Jimin withdrawals during FACE era. Like hard. So no, I personally wasn't surprised he didn't know when Jimin's promotions ended. Not if Jimin was keeping him in the dark.

As for Jimin saying we all live alone, why is this a big deal? He does live alone. Jikook haven't cohabited since 2020? When did they stop sharing cars? That's when they stopped exclusively living in the same house. So, Jimin lives alone, wbk. They completely laid low last year and kept any time they were spending together a secret. We now know it was coz they had applied to serve together but again, idk what u want us to say here when even we agree Jimin lives alone???

Lets see, what else do you have an issue with? Inconsistencies? Nah, bro. Jikook have NEVER been inconsistent. Ever. Its the one thing they've got going. Its the biggest reason why we believe they're together. Consistency. So I've no clue what you're on about there

If Jimin ever says he has a girlfriend, I believe I speak for many Jkkrs when I say we will accept and support that. However, we shall not be blindsided, we will have picked up on the Jikook break up by then. So, this won't be happening any time soon 🤷🏽‍♀️

And yes, anon, of course we always get what we want. And we shall continue to get what we want. We don't predict, we just talk about what we expect Jikook to do or to have done because they are a couple. When those things come to fruition, then yeah, we end up getting what we wanted because of course we do. Couples are predictable. Jikook are a couple and so they do couple things. That's why is seems like we are always right.

We don't explore other options because we didn't come to the decision to support Jikook as a couple lightly. I personally looked and studied all of Jimin ships before concluding him and JK were it. So no, there is no more exploring. We believe what we believe and are quite comfortable with our decision. If you get frustrated that we refuse to be shaken, thats on you.

I think I have addressed all your concerns. Thanks for stopping by

[red-velvet-0w0]

INTRO POST

post status: free

Im just a silly little person with an ocean obsession who lives in your phone.

My names are Erin/Eris/Red

She/They preferred, but you can call me anything so long as it is NOT he/him (on the same note, if you call me man/dude/bro/guy I will flood your house)

Im a minor (17 years old), and am enby/trans, poly, and a Massive Lesbian, and also probably demiromantic? idk about that last one im still trying to figure that out

im definitely neurodivergent but im not entirely sure what all I have going on up in here (definitely undiagnosed ADHD, probably a lot of other things too)

American/Californian

If you're a terf, a homophobe, or a pedophile: go away please okay? Otherwise pretty much anybody is welcome here so long as you arent hurting anybody

silly DNIs: Dante Alighieri, Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Wacław Franciszek Sierpiński (they know what they did)

Im pro-palestine

Im an artist, animator, and a game designer (i have a youtube and an itch.io page but neither of them have much on them) (im uh. not quite as good at finishing projects as i am at starting them)

my 2 alt accounts are @red-gamedev-0w0 and my vent blog (only for frends eyes) (dm if you want the link)

my DMs, asks, and anons are always open if you wanna be silly, and honestly it really makes my day when i get a message. boundaries and norms for talking to me are at the very bottom

i have a silly little OC universe im hoping to turn into a webcomic eventualy (hopefully)

I AM VERY STRONGLY AGAINST AI ART. (and just. generative AI in general) (yes that includes chat gpt and character AI)

I am... incredibly normal about the ocean. I have healthy and reasonable emotions I feel when i think about it. dont question why "erins ocean posting" is one of my most used tags its totaly healthy trust me (is it a religious thing? a sexual thing? a gender thing? you will literaly never know)

The fandoms im in are: Tiger Tiger, Roblox Pressure (Sebastian Solace), Aurora Webcomic, The Killers, Tom Cardy, The Mechanisms, Life Series, Hermitcraft, Parkour Civ, Mineraft, Marble Hornets, Terraria, Hollow Knight, Celeste, Hades, Camp Here And There, Murder Drones, The Art of Murder, The Magnus Podcasts, Epic the Musical, Hello From the Hallowoods, Witherburn After School News, Dont Hug Me Im Scared, The Locked Tomb, Hatchetfield, Centaurworld, Amphibia, Epithet Erased, Kid Vampire, and Bigtop Burger (+ a few more but those are the ones you'll see the most of) (Red means highly likely to post about it, purple means very unlikely to post about it often)

#1 Killers fan (their best album is Sams Town and the best song is Bones and thats a fact)

i also sometimes rant about spanish literature sometimes but thats a rare occasion

Id love to be friends, enemies, or really anything in between if you let me.

Tags I use (in case you want to block them):

#erins cryptic ramblings (generic tag)

#erins ocean posting (for ocean related posts)

#axe and erins dnd bullshit (for when im talking about dnd with one of my mutuals)

#the forever day (my OCs/potentialy hopefully a webcomic im working on??? hopefully well see how far that goes)

#erin answers asks (self explanitory)

#erin talks about life /#erin rants about life (also self explanitory)

#erins tumblr ad saga (my compilation of all the worst ads this hellsite has to offer)

BOUNDERIES, NORMS, AND RULES OF THUMB FOR TALKING TO ME:

No horny/vaguely sexual messages unless 1) we are friends, 2) you are under 18, and 3) you have asked me directly in the past whether i am comfortable with that sort of thing or are otherwise aware that i am comfortable with you talking to me like that

Avoid using male terms as much as possible (ie. guy, dude, man, bro), and id prefer avoiding gendered terms as much as possible, but when you have the choice female terms are prefered (ie. girl). i may refer to myself using male gendered terms from time to time but that does not give you permision to

Do not EVER use the r-slur on me.

Do not EVER say "KYS" or anything of that nature to me, even as a joke

If you send me hate mail of any kind i will either just delete it or if ill just mock you. nothing you can say will ever be as hateful as the stuff my brain says to me on a daily basis so dont bother

If i say i dont want to talk about something, i dont want to talk about it.

Nicknames and terms of endearment (ie. dear, love, bestie) are fine from friends, so long as you have cleared with me that I am fine with you calling me that

I have a tendancy to be VERY flirty with some of my friends, but just know that i almost certainly mean it entirely platonicaly, unless i specificaly tell you i mean it in a different way. Even something like "i want to make out with you" can be platonic coming from me, so in general dont assume im flirting with you (likewise if you ARE actualy flirting with me be warned that I will not realize in the slightest and you will have to be very clear that you are actualy flirting because there is no other way i will ever know)

If i am saying something nice to you, it is genuine. period. i would never lie to you about something like that. if i tell you i care about you, its not out of pity or out of some strange malice. its because i care about you

you are ALWAYS welcome and encouraged to talk to me, especialy if you are feeling sad or at risk of hurting yourself. Even if we have barely talked, if you need somebody to talk to or rant to I am always here for you.

And that’s about it!

Nice to meet you!

[justcallmesakira]

“Can I have prompt 1 with dazai please 💕 thank youuu”

Fluff please sorry I forgot to put that I got excited 😭

"How he asks you out (hcs+scenario!)''

{Prompt 1, fluff}

Sypnosis: Ah! it almost valentines day! But dazai is still not sure how to ask you out, perhaps a double suicide or maybe a little date on top of a cafe?✧༺♥༻∞

Dazai x reader

Genre: fluff A/N: np it happens all the time tysm for requesting!!! now EATT DISSSSS. Also sorry its short! because my will to live rn is shorter!! :3

»𖦹⋆Strangers˚⋆« -Kenya Grace 𝟎:𝟑𝟒 〇────── 𝟎:𝟓𝟖 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻ ⋆˚｡⋆

Hcs:

He sucks at giving affection

OKAY OKAY JKJKJKJK (dont attack i am trying to be funny)

But seriously though this manwhore is so touchy with you everyone just goes "Arent the both of you already dating????😲😲"

My grammar is worse than dazais health and so are my jokes

Dazai is sort of dumb in giving affection, but still he will try to take you out on a date i think.

I am pretty sure he would make his problem on how to and what to and where to take you out EVERYONEs probelm at the agency

"DAZAI GO DO YOUR WORK INSTEAD OF PRETENDING TO BE SOME LOVESICK HIGHSCHOOL ANIME GIRL!!11!!!" -kunikida bcs he speaks in numbers :3

this man will definetly ask you out infront of everyone whether you two or dating or not- buttttt since tis is valentines so he simply asks you out with a playful smile if youd like to go out with him

Obv you thought he was joking since no way could he love you... Right?....

Hes so flirty with other girls but he actually seemed genuine so your face was like "😲->😳"

Dazai will try his best to buy you something though, maybe a bouquet of white and pink roses and tie a satin ribbon at the end and ask you out on a double suicide.

If anything the whole reason you and dazai are now sitting on top of a hill top of yokohama is because he asked you out on a double date-

wow totally normal!!!

so yeah yeah you two have some great time and yk bla bla romantic cheesy stuff.

𝓢𝓬𝓮𝓷𝓪𝓻𝓲𝓸⍣ ೋ-

You were casually outside the cafe of the agency, You had finally finished your work and eaten your lunch so why not go for a quick walk.

Just as you were about to pick up your tote bag, a long pair of arms hugs you tight, enclosing you in its warm clothed chest. At first you couldnt tell who it was but by the long arms and smoot fabric of a certain sooty vest coat you could already tell who it was.

"`Samu??!!" you exclaimed in surprise as your head rushes its thoughts out and instead turn to Dazais grinning face

"Now, now belllllla!" the man spoke, you could smell a fresh smell from his mouth, a nice and minty smell.

"What if it was some other guy holding you tight? It can become very tipsy ya know!! You should seriously woo your thoughts away before some one else can woo you away!!"

Dazai exclaimed jokingly, now now who was he to speak about your dating life like that! He wasn`t your boyfriend or anything...just a friend.

But the real reason you didn`t back away because you knew that it was dazai. Dazai Osamu, your collegue and your babygir-- i mean partner.

His sand brown coat having an unnatural warmth, his sweet and soft smile you could sense even without your nerve system, His long arms filled with different scars which only you could feel with or without his "stinky" bandages.

"Well that`s because your my close friend and i trust you, d-dont make it dirty"

You say a faint pink brushing over your cheeks as dazai finally lets you go and takes your hand instead and drags you to the footpath.

"C`mon bella! Lets go for a walk!" "Huh? now?" "Yes!!now!!"

He didn`t hold the conversation for long but instead linked your fingers with his and cheerfully skipped alongside the sidewalk like a little child going back to his parents.

He seemed happy?yet...nervous?

You two walked for a long time until you reached a park and finally asked him to sit down since he has been chattering nonsense the whole walk.

He smiled and said he will come back in a few moments winking at you.

You kept sat, It was valentines day today so you had work off early. It was nice to be under the setting sun with its light gracing your exterior beauty afterall only dazai could sense you interior beauty.

Finally a figure walks towards you and your eyes lits up with shock when Dazai kneels infront of you.

"Care to join me in a lovely double suicide at yokohamas hill top with the stars gazing at us, sweetheart?"

The man kneeling infront of you spoke out loud with a soft smile on his charming face as he gives you a bouquet of light pink roses with a satin ribbon tied gently around the end of the stack of flowers.

The mixture of feelings you felt was unexplainable as a faint pink splayed across your cheeks because you knew very well that he had asked you out on a date in just one sentence.

"Operation valentines day is: SUCCESS!" doctor yosano exclaimed with naomi by her side "Yay! they can finally get together. We finally did it yosano-sensei!!" Naomi whispered in happiness as they stayed behind the bush watching the two lovebirds.

"Um yosano-sensei, naomi-chan may i know why I am here dressed up as detective with you two?-- i mean i am happy for dazai-san and y/n but---" atsushi tried speaking out before yosano shushs him "Shut it atsushi love is in the air! i will pair you up with that red haired girl later" she nonchalantly spits out as the trio lowers their head again.

"YOSANO-SENSEI!!! d-dont stay stuff like that!! We are just friends!" "Yeah those two were "just friends' and look where they ended.

Apparently both of them had teamed up to make this happen even going as far as giving dazai the bouquet.

Now the date has just begun!

Dazai stood on top of a grassy meadow, he wore a brand new dark blue haori on top of his kimono which had the ukiyo-e of a tsunami imprinted on it.

He truely looked like a refined man.

You made your entrance with your cherry blossom kimono gracefully shaping out your body, the obi was a soft shade of yellow and the decorative obi string was neatly tied into a flower shape with your hair tucked all up into a bun with a sakura kanazashi.

The cherry blossom tree`s lantern which was dangling from a branch finished your look entierly.

Dazais eyes lit up as he turns to you, a soft pink brushing over his light tanned skin.

"My gorgeous, you finally came haven`t you,,,come sit down" he says in a much lower and calmer voice.

"You seem genuine tonight, Dazai" you remark as you gently sit beside him

Usually lovers in japan wear fancy and modern clothes on valentines day but for a lovely spot like this with a freshly bloomed cherry blossom tree, some traditonal kimono suites better.

You both had a long conversation, so long the lantern which was the only source of light burns out as pretty pink and red firworks paint the night blue sky.

Dazai laughs.

"Oh what did i do to deserve something as ravishing as you.." "Hu--"

Before you could pronounce your words dazais lips meet yours, you could tell what this feeling was but it was so addicting so comforting that it made you melt onto the kiss like a chocolate.

You kissed back because you know he would pull this.

A new firework shoots up in the sky, this time a warm, golden and touching yellow colour perhaps a new beggining aswell.

A/N: i enjoyed writing this alot hope u enjoy!!

tags!: @silverbladexyz @tojifile @biscuits-lovely-corner @kikosamus @riiwrites @atlasnessie @atsquie @heartsfourdazai @chuuyasboner @elizais @lanterndove @ruanais @darling--angst

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

OH BOY LETS DO IT @jacksmusesdrv3

Unfortunately due to how little we know about Jin, it's hard to talk about things he specifically did on his own, BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHAT HE DIDNT DO, AND HIS STAFF THAT HE ALLOWS TO RUN WILD

I'll try to not be talking about the Izuru project outside of things Jin may have gone out of his way to do that were not required of him, otherwise I will assume that he had no real control or say over it because without that then you have to get into the steering committee and the structure of the schools politics and eughgheguh

First off, lets start with something a bit less directly but still speaks a LOT about how Jin's a weak ass pushover who doesn't give a shit about the students, his staff!

Like first of all, it's the one, the only Koichi Kizakura! For those who don't remember it's the guy in the hat from Danganronpa 3, the drunk one.

Which as you can imagine, that makes the problem immediately apparent. You shouldn't have a teacher who coming to work hangover and sick, I care a lot less about his talent hunting part, that's a weird secondary thing, and he's not really interacting much with them just giving them invites, I'll allow it. Teaching though? No. no no no no. Especially Main Course??? What. What. What. Is he only here because none of the students actually have to show up to class (which is fucked up as well what the hell) so he can just sit in Jin's room emanating "my best friends straight and married and ive been in love with him my whole life so im going to be sassy and drunk" energy??

However I want to quickly pivot because i just realized

Chisa's actual title is ASSISTANT HOMEROOM TEACHER. Which while 8 years ago this was just "oh yeah shes a teacher" however, with my current life experience she 100% should not have had as much power over her class. Assistant teachers and aides and the like while VERY useful...need supervision, Chisa is straight out of college, she's never taught before, and while that might be okay for a normal school, the fact this is ONE OF THE MOST ELITE SCHOOLS IN THE WORLD? Everyone here doing the main teaching should HAVE SO MANY MORE QUALIFICATIONS.

So while Assistant is a good fit for her over the main homeroom teacher, the fact JIN ACTIVELY ACKNOWLEDGES THAT KOICHI'S GONNA BE KINDA SHIT??UNHINGED BEHAVIOR. GIVE HER TO A TEACHER WHO'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO ADVISE OR SUPERVISE?? AND KOICHI IS JUST LIKE "LMAO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT"?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT SCHOOL WOULD EVER ALLOW THIS???

I will give Koichi one thing though, he's shrewd as hell, in the future foundation killing game hes a valuable asset, but in a school setting? Why is HE HERE

Jin laments somewhat that Chisa is here because of Munakata "insisting", which Koichi rightfully points out as a power play. Jin brushes this off as he knows that, but like?? What the hell.

KYOSUKE ISN'T EVEN AT HOPES PEAK??? HE'S AT AN OFF-SHORE FACILITY, YOU COULD HAVE SO EASILY JUST...NOT HIRED HER? YOURE THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE! SAY NO! HE CAN HIRE HER AT HIS SCHOOL HE'S BUILDING

As well, even with the class being required, KIDS ARE STILL SHOWING UP, so even the excuse of "they dont show up' doesnt fly! Sonia, Fuyuhiko, Hiyoko, and Mahiru are ALL IN THE CLASSROOM when Chisa first enters, god they're all so cute also why is hiyoko's cuteness up the max in this anime also Mikan enters a bit later bringing the total to five

Then chisa IMMEDIATELY starts lying, she was NEVER made the teacher, she's THE ASSISTANT TEACHER, THATS A DIFFERENT JOB, YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN TEACHER, YOU ARE THERE TO EASE THE WORKLOAD. YOUR JOB IS TO GRADE SHIT, AND HELP KIDS DO FRACTIONS OR WHATEVER. YOU ARE THERE TO HELP BE MORE HANDS ON DECK AND MAKE SURE THE MAIN TEACHER CAN FOCUS ON MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THEN TELLING KIDS THEY CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM

I do love Hiyoko immediately going "lmao i cant wait to break her, destroy her social position, sell her organs, kill her, and more" like im sorry if you don't like Hiyoko you're wrong she's hysterical Fuyuhiko is the only person to go "WHAT ABOUT THE IDIOT BEFORE" To which we learn..... HE'S HUNGOVER AND VOMITING, GO HOME.

FUYUHIKO'S RESPONSE??

"Again?"

WHICH JUST FURTHER ILLUSTRATES THAT KOICHI IS BEING AN ACTIVE DETRIMENT TO THE CLASSROOM, WHY IS HE A TEACHER, IS HE EVEN CERTIFIED.

Im going to ignore Chisa's absolute batshit student hunt to get them all in class, that one's going under "thats just danganronpa/anime logic" though i will point a few things, like she is right that school isnt about just passing exams, its also about learning social skills and building connections, so the fact so few kids are ever even in class is not great for their development. However, do not call your actual students rotten oranges, especially when one is essentially named orange, {Mikan}. Especially when it's not their fault??? Like these are the kids who actually came into class, dont punish them for it, at least Sonia's having a blast. Also don't threaten students with knives but as he's literally a yakuza heir i'll let that one slide, like yeah fair.

Even just the FIRST EPISODE of danganronpa 3 we learn

Jin is protecting and sheltering his completely unfit to be a teacher best friend, something actively detrimental to the school life and education of these kids. While I'm okay with his talent hunt stuff, this man should not be a teacher on campus who is hungover and vomiting often enough for students to recognize a damn pattern

Jin is completely uncaring or ambivalent to power plays done by people with less power then him that he can easily shut down, but instead plays it off as "forcing his hand" when in reality he absolutely could have just...not hired Chisa! What's Kyosuke gonna do in retaliation if he doesn't? Does Jin benefit from this at all? It's a pointless allowance, one Koichi points as only going to undermine him for no reason, and he's not wrong! She literally came as a spy!

Hiring Chisa makes no sense whatsoever, she's graduated so while she's probably qualified to teach in general. Letting her completely take over and command a classroom on her first day, going against the school rules to do so because attendance isn't mandatory, of one of the most PRESTIGIOUS schools in the world is just. Unhinged. It's lunacy. Especially when she's officially just the assistant teacher. Which is the role she should have in this situation! Assistant teacher's DON'T DO THIS. While she's said to leave a good impact on the students, this could have gone horribly wrong, and the fact Jin doesn't seem to care is a really bad look.

Actively upholds policies that are detrimental the development of social skills and normal skills one would learn in a high school environment along with seemingly uncaring if they get hurt or hurt others doing this, along with the sheer amount of property damage.

He actively allows people into the school who turn out to be spies or actively looking to work against hope's peak, Chisa is a spy, Juzo is a spy, it seems the only credentials to work here are "be an ultimate at some point" and after that Jin just does not care

What about other things he does in the series? (im not going to get screenshots anymore i dont wanna)

He plays favorites with the students, despite Nagito's terrorist attack being very much nagito' sfault, out of the four students involved in the utter catastrophe that was the gym testing thing, he's the only one not expelled because his luck is wanted for further study by Jin. While Ruruka and Seiko do have valid reasons of helping Ruruka cheat (which even then im unsure? like yeah ruruka tried to put in performance enhancing drugs but uh, i dont, think that would effect the pastry? it would just make the people eating it have better talent? It wasn't like Ruruka doped herself to make better pastries, so im unsure if this actually would have counted as cheating. Sure the mix up resulted in laxatives being put in instead which could count as poisoning but the act of the enhancing drug is kind of a grey area here but also gundham was allowed to let a bear bite Souda so I think this should be considered same shit as always) I'm unsure if this is really an expel worthy offense next to "literally blew up the gym in a terrorist attack" nagito over there just getting suspended, and also Sohnosuke is tangentially involved in that debacle at BEST. This is the one time in her life ever that Ruruka deserved better. Also Koichi finally gets punishment in a suspension and Chisa faces a consequence for her actions only after multiple people are poisoned, and Komaeda did a terrorism

The reserve course teaching position is used as a punishment, as when Chisa is finally given a consequence for how wildly out of control she's kinda led everything to be, it's to be a reserve teacher, something seen as a nasty punishment. Again, this ties back into LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THE RESERVE COURSE. While I won't go too into that because that's also like steering committee stuff, Jin could have easily just suspended her like Koichi. This doesn't even get any payoff because the next episode she just gets put back into 77-B and now is made their ACTUAL homeroom teacher after a few months passed off screen. Jin no.

Jin laments about how he didn't use Kyoko's talent to find the mastermind of the tragedy, which. Is another annoying retcon, because he did do that in danganronpa 0 then fucking backpeddled and threatened her about it. He literally talks about the parade, he did do that, which also my man you couldn't do anything to try and appease the parade? At all?

He's extremely uninvolved, basically every choice or decision he ever makes is because someone else told him to do it, or because he couldn't bother to do something different, he's a doormat, a puppet, and he doesn't care even when it starts to have a death count

Has helped cover up over 10 student deaths. While he argues about the massacre of the student council being covered in dr3, in dr0 he still covers up the Madarai Brothers, Yasuke, the only survivor of the massacre, and Yuto, marking them as just expelled, instead of fucking killed. Very "no one has ever died in disneyland" of him.

Does nothing to help the Reserve course, I'm not even sure he even ever interacts with a reserve

Literally everything about Juzo, sir, sir are you aware the security are assaulting reserves? SIR!

I can't talk too much about his plan to lock up class 78 inside hope's peak because we dont see much of it, but also only sheltering like 17 people inside of hope's peak is a little underkill for how many people you could save with that.

The steering committee isn't even actually all that intimidating, its just four old dudes, like, my dude, you have yakuza and other gang members at this school, you could solve this problem of the steering board doing crimes against humanity pretty easily actually (list of students who definitely could have just killed, reported, or otherwise sabotaged the steering committee if jin had enough of a backbone to actually use his resources to stop mass human experimentation: Byakuya Togami, Imposter, Madarai Brothers, Santa, Suzuhiko Ōtsuki, Matsuda, Sonia, Ted, Elite Task Force Members, Fuyuhiko, Peko, Miaya) These guys are so fucking killable look at them, one of thems already about to pass over dead, literally just give Fuyuhiko like 100,000 dollars and a pass on the sato murder and your problems ~are solved~ and no one can argue "but but morality" HE HELPED COVER UP OVER TEN MURDERS OF HIS STUDENTS

So yeah, terrible headmaster, terrible father, utter spineless coward who I wouldn't trust with a banana let alone Hope's Peak Academy

I do wish we learned anything about his past of hopes peak because like, he has to be an ultimate right? No way he's not, what was his ultimate? What did he do? How did he get this role? Honestly I'm extremely curious about this ngl, like if you want to actually flesh out jin (WHICH LIKE HA NO THEY DONT) a novel about his time at hope's peak could be fun to actually y'know, make him in any way shape of form actually redeemable?

Honestly you could have something interesting there because the Kirigiri clan is supposed to be super underground and Jin's a shit detective so if he's scouted it had to be something related to something else he did, which could help create the divide, and you could use this to actually give us basically any information on his wife, like, a name for instance. Hell with his age of "late 30s" and Kyoko's age at time of death you could make a solid argument that he was a teen dad and now wouldnt that make his dynamic with kirigiri so much more interesting? Like if we assume Kyoko's 17-18 and the late 30's is accurate still even after time in the tragedy that puts him at a solid 17-22 when kyoko was born, hell retcon his birthday to november-december and you could get away with 16. If you really wanna go dark you could even play into the steering committee secretly encouraging teen pregnancy amongst students as an early form of talent eugenics study. Make Kazuo worse, make Jin an example of the circle of violence cowards.

[cupoftaae]

also could you write one where tae and y/n had a small fight before a party, but they still decide to go, then y/n drinks way too much bc of the fight, and then taehyung takes care of her and they make up the next morning or smth like thatt 😊 I love your writing!🫶🏻

OOO I love me some angst, *rubs hands together*

Thank for the suggestion, and thank you for reading my writing, it means a lot to me anon <3

word count- 2.1k

warnings- alcohol consumption, body image issues, a fight and some yelling/swearing. wicked hangover and mention of vomit.

Enjoy!!

"I dont understand why you are freaking out, y/n. You look fine"

Taehyung sat on the end of your bed while you stood in the bathroom, rambling about yourself. "because, we are already late and im not really in the mood to go to this party. I hate the way I look in this dress, nothing is working out" you exhale, a tear falling down your cheek as you attempt to curl your hair.

Both of you were getting ready to go to Yoongi and his girlfriend's engagement party, something that has been in the works for months and is finally happening.

You knew you were already a half an hour late, which looks bad not only for tae, but you too, considering you and Yoongi's girlfriend, Jihyo, were friends.

"then just stay home" he shrugged, standing to go lean against the doorframe to the bathroom.

"oh yeah just that easy, let me miss my friends party" you sarcastically spoke. "bet you would like that, to go alone because you are so ashamed of me" you went on, spraying hairspray.

Taehyung ran his hands over his face. He loves you, he really does, but its impossible to convince you to see the bright side of things when you got in your head like this.

you slammed down the can of hairspray and stormed out of the bathroom, bumping into taehyung on the way out. "you are being way too dramatic right now, its not a big deal." he sternly spoke, turning his entire body to watch you rummage through your shared closet.

you stood and looked back, "oh okay" you laughed sarcastically. "you are a man, you dont have to think about yourself the way I do" you huff and walk towards the mirror.

"im tired of looking like this, I want to just be able to put something on and feel beautiful for once" you whisper while running your hands over the front of your dress.

"I think you look sexy" taehyung mindlessly shrugged, making you scoff. "God, thats all you think about, huh?" you shot back.

"What? no-"

"lately you've been incredibly invalidating of how I feel and i'm sick of it"

"How the fuck am I invalidating? Im trying to help, Y/N!!"

"no, you arent. you think you are, but you dismiss what I say, every time I fucking open my mouth Taehyung." you yell, grabbing your purse and walking to the door as your boyfriend followed.

"fine then I will just not talk" he mumbled, making you roll your eyes at his childish behavior. "Yeah, you do that. In fact, dont talk to me all night." you mutter and turn to head for the car, leaving taehyung to follow.

He didnt mean to upset you, he really didnt. He just doesnt understand what you couldnt like about yourself. Perhaps there were better ways to approach you regarding this topic, but right now, the priority was at least showing up to the party before yoongi or Jihyo gets upset.

The car ride remained silent the entire time Taehyung drove. You looked out the window and had slapped his hand away the moment he tried to reach out and squeeze your leg lovingly.

He just doesnt get it, he doesnt understand how you feel, and its not like you can talk it out with him because he always shoots back some fucking stupid line thats is supposedly trying to make you "feel better". Its getting old, and the only thing you wanted to do right now was be away from your boyfriend.

-

Once you both had arrived at the party, Taehyung parked the car along the curb with the other guests vehicles. You hopped out the moment the car came to a stop, practically skipping inside and leaving him in the dust. He scoffed and locked the car, getting out and walking in at his own pace.

"Y/N!" Jihyo smiled and ran over once she saw you inside her home.

You pushed through some of the guests and made your way over to your friend, hugging her affectionately. "Hi, congratulations! im sorry Im late" you pout and pull away to see her. "No worries love, is taehyung coming too?" she asks, pulling you into the kitchen.

"mhm...unfortunately" you laugh and grab a cracker off the snack plate. "unfortunately?" Jihyo smiles and nudges you. "yeah. We had a fight before we got here" you whisper to her, eyes darting to see Taehyung walk into the living room with a wide boxy smile as he greeted everyone.

"Ohhh.." she nods, understanding. "Im sorry, hun" she rubs your arm. "its ok, I just need alcohol." you joke, making her laugh as she dragged you into Yoongi's wine room, something he was immensely proud (and pretentious) of.

"I think he wont mind If we use this one" Jihyo spoke, reaching for the top bottle and bringing it back into the kitchen for the both of you.

"Taehyung!!" Yoongi cheered, walking back downstairs to see his friend standing in the living room. He hands him a bottle of beer and hugs him.

"Hyung! Congrats again, you and Jihyo have a very lovely home. Its changed so much since last July when I visited." He smiled, thanking him for the beer as they engaged in conversation. "Thank you, we renovated the kitchen and expanded it, wanna see?" he asked with excitement, tae nodded, following him.

"yeah so then I came home and he just kind of blurted it out, it was really sweet and intimate, I actually preferred it over a public proposal." you watched as your friend refilled your glass, telling you the story of how Yoongi proposed.

"ah, Jihyo thats so sweet" you put your hand over your chest, taking another sip as you lean against the counter. "I hope I get to experience that"

"taehyung is a sweet guy, i have no doubts he will pull out all the stops for you" she smiled

"hm?" taehyung mummers, walking in and hearing his name.

your eyes dart open, mad he had found you. "yoongi!" you walk over and hug him, congratulating him.

"Y/n! its nice to see you again, been way too long" he laughed and patted your back. "do you like the kitchen? he cuts, Taehyung watching as you sip on your wine.

"its lovely!!"

"indeed" taehyung adds on, stepping in front of yoongi to stand behind you.

"hes always talking about his kitchen" Jihyo giggled and walked up to her fiance, hugging him. "well yeah it was a lot of work" he shrugged and laughed

you smile as you watch them both be cute little shits, reluctantly turning when you feel your boyfriends hand tickling your lower back. "what??" you bit, making his hands raise in defense.

"youre still mad?....baby..cmon" he whined, trying to pull you into his embrace but you step back and leave the kitchen, going to have fun with the other guests in the living room.

yoongi pulls away from his soon to be wife and raises his eyebrows, full of questions. "they had a fight" jihyo giggled and patted his chest, walking out of the room as well.

"ah jihyo, wait" Taehyung runs up, whispering

"hm?" she turns

"make sure she doesnt drink too much, please?" he asked with serious eyes, making her nod. "shes a big girl, I think she will be okay but yes, ill keep an eye on her" she smiled

"thank you, shes not usually a drinker but tends to overdo it sometimes when shes angry..."he spoke, laughing a bit at the end.

Jihyo giggled, "gotcha"

he looked over at you hugging your friend and dancing slightly. you looked so beautiful and all he wanted to do was wrap you up in his arms and kiss you, but he couldn't. He needed to apologize for hurting your feelings, but there was no way you would even let him go near you to do so.

He sighed and sat down, accepting another beer as he silently ate chips.

-

"IM A GROWN WOMAN, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!!!!" you slurr-sing as you and your friend Chae sing along to karaoke after having a few drinks.

most of the guests had left, and it was nearing midnight, so the remaining party-goers were you, Taehyung, Chae, namjoon and Jungkook.

Taehyung was ready to tap out. He was exhausted, and didnt think he was going to be here this long. The only reason he still is, is well, you. He sat on the couch between yoongi and jungkook, fighting sleep as he watched you let loose with your friends.

You still hadnt talked to him for the majority of the party, but somewhere deep down he was actually glad to see you happy for the first time today.

Jihyo giggled and ran back downstairs as she watched them sing, sitting next to yoongi. He sternly looked at her, "what did she drink?" he asked, taehyung leaning over to look at jihyo as well.

She smiled and mumbled, "some wine..."

yoongi sat up "what wine?"

"your....wine..."she tried not to giggle as taehyung glared. "I told you to not let her drin-" taehyung was cut off as you ran over and sat on him.

He blushed and lightly placed his hands around you, "you ok?" he asked, "im tired" you yell, meaning to whisper but failing to do so.

"okay baby...you wanna go home? good job singing by the way"

you sat up immediately and crossed your arms. "im supposed to be mad at you" you slurred, turning to walk away but stumbling and almost falling, "be careful!" tae spoke, jumping up.

"Ill be whatever I want!" you bite back.

"i think we are gonna go, im sorry guys" tae spoke, holding you up by your arm.

"nono dont apologize please, its late and you guys stayed long enough" yoongi laughed, "yes go take care of y/n, shes gonna feel that tomorrow im sure"

Tae smiled and picked you up gently, managing to get you into the car outside without a fight.

"we are going home now ok?" he whispers as he drives safely down the street. you dont talk, rather mumble in response to everything. Once you are outside your apartment, he holds you up the stairs as he puts his key into the door.

"uehhhh" you whine and pull away, leaning off the railing and suddenly throwing up. "oh!" tae drops his key and runs over, rubbing your back and pushing your hair out of the way until you were done.

"im never drinking again" you slur and fall against him. "i know baby" he consoles, picking his key up and getting you inside to help clean you up and get into bed.

Once he managed to get you into the bathroom, he carefully put you on top of the counter as he changed you into you pajamas. you remained staring with a mean glare, making him laugh.

"what?" he smiled and put one of his old tshirts over your head and onto your body.

"Im mad at you"

"ok...we can talk about it tomorrow ok?" he sighed and washed your face with a cloth before ushering you into bed. he placed Tylenol and water on the bedside table and got close to you, beginning to talk but realizing you were already asleep.

he smiled and cuddled into you, falling asleep eventually.

-

The next morning, Taehyung was awoken by the sounds of you throwing up in the bathroom. He rushed out of bed to be by your side, knowing how much you hated getting sick.

"you ok, baby?" he whispers, watching you lean back against him on the bathroom floor, groaning.

"I shouldnt have drank so much"

he hums and runs his hand through your hair, kissing your head.

its silent for a moment.

"Im sorry for being such a dick yesterday, it was wrong and I should have been more understanding"

you grab his hand with yours, shaking your head. "its ok, I was also being irrational and mean. you are a good boyfriend, tae" you closed your eyes and breathed deeply, feeling lingering nausea.

"I love you" he spoke

"I love you too" you managed to smile.

"no more fighting?"

"no more fighting" you nodded.

he kissed your hand. "if we ever get into another fight just know I have you singing beyonce at the party on video, blackmail for days"

you whipped around, "no...."

"yes...."

"I will cut your dick off if you do that, watch it, kim" you glare, making him laugh. "now get out, before I puke on you"

[fanofstuff01]

Yeahh.. A small piece of Highschool AU I managed to write. It doesn’t have Adamsapple, sadly, only a bit of holydust. If you don’t know about it, I suggest you to look at @things-arent-what-they-seem66 ‘s account. (a way to tag you bud heheh)

Enjoy! Also slight Emilute

Can you fucking believe all the work I wrote got deleted and I had to rewrite it?!

Adam took their usual, plain food on his tray with dissapointment. Someone needed to tell the fucker who decided these that they were preparing food for highschool kids and not for some criminals.

“Move faster!” He yelled at the line, receiving some swears but no movement. He sighed.

“Adam!”

He turned his head to the voice. Emily was waving happily at him, waiting with Lute. He smiled weakly and mouthed “go without me”. Though they didn’t.

“Hey girls.” He went straight to them when he finally got out of that damned line. He fist bumped Lute as best as he could and began walking.

“Why did you two wait for me?”

“Tolerating them is easier when you’re not alone.” Lute pointed at the Vee’s. Adam groaned, fucking wednesdays. “And Michael isn’t around.”

“Lucky prick.”

The certain group were talking about the same topic again. Adam cursed on the inside. Couldn’t they have a single lunch where no one ever mentioned Alastor?

“So… Oh. Adam. Lute.” Vox greeted them, though it didn’t sound like one. “We were just talking about how to get rid of Alastor. Why don’t you join us?”

“Suure.” Adam gave Lute “Get Em Out Of Here” eye and she understood the signal.

“Hey Em, can we talk?”

“Now?”

“Yes. It can’t wait.” Lute smirked playfully and took Emily’s hand.

“O-oh. Okay.” Emily flushed. Adam rolled his eyes in the background. Sure, this had to be the way Lute did it.

Adam sat down as the girls walked away, playing with his meal as he waited the group to threw another one of their crazy ideas. Sure, he wanted Alastor to have it worse, who wouldn’t but nowadays the things they suggested were no longer cruel, rather straight up illegal. Vox offered to burn him alive for fuck’s sake!

“So, as I was saying, we can’t physically hurt him. Any other ideas?”

“Getting him expelled?”

“I tried that.”

“Exposing him as a groomer?”

“How the fuck is your mind working Val?! No one would believe that!”

“Then what do YOU have in mind Voxxie?”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

“Weakening him socially?” Velvette looked up from her phone, popping a bubblegum.

“Oh how genious! And how are we doing that, Dollface?”

“By beating one of his friends? Then everyone would be away? Really Vox?”

“…”

“This is why you’re my favorite Vel.”

“Hey!”

“So we’re doing it?”

“We’ll need someone first. Hmmm… Then who could be that lucky fella… Hunter?”

“He’s pretty useful.” Val sipped his apple juice.

“You’re right. Morningstar?”

“Alastor? Caring about Morningstar eating shit? That’s a laugh. Also that guy is no joke. He can fuck us.”

“I meant the spoiled Princess.”

“Same ending. And don’t even RECOMMEND Nifty freak, Val.”

“Why would I?!”

“Who else, who else…” Vox tapped his chin, then his face lit up. “Aha! How about *Angel’s surname*? He is-“

“No.” Adam was listening them half ears until now, but he heard that surname loud and clear. And he didn’t like that it was being mentioned on their murder table.

“No, what?” Vox spoke, half annoyed-half angry. Adam would be dead fucking meat (in social life, probably) if he wasn’t at the same status as them.

“No, you are not touching him. I may not be a part of your twisted shit, but you will not be bringing him into this.”

“Oh, you’re letting Alastor humiliate us? Only for a street whore?” Vox’s voice took a more threatening turn. The other did not care the slightest.

“Does Alastor look like he cares for anyone to you? Please.”

“Pssh. It’s still a great way to get him to be left alone. You really need to let go of your stupid weakness for that slut.”

“I don’t plan to. And, I think if you want to keep your rep safe here, you really need to stop telling me what to do.”

“Fine, fine. God. Why are you this sensitive about him anyway?”

“None of your fucking business.”

“Whatever. How about we..”

They kept their blood conversation going but Adam wasn’t listening anymore. His mind took him to a complete different moment. A pretty meaningless memory from his past, nothing much.

Adam wrinkled his nose as he took out a dead mouse from his bag. Cliché much, huh? It didn’t scare him, only disgusting a bit. He threw it away and returned to his food.

“Hey, is anyone sitting here?” A cheerful voice spoke. Adam lifted his head up.

A blonde boy he didn’t knew had picked this table to sit. What a wrong move.

“No?”

“Theen.. Can I?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Sure.”

“Thank you!” He exclaimed happily and sat down.

“Why did you chose to sit here in all places?” Maybe he should warn him.

“I don’t know. The other tables scared me, they are too loud! And you seem nice.”

Yep. He was definitely a new student.

“Okay.”

“What’s your name?”

“Adam.”

“Nice name. Mine’s actually Antonio, but Dad said it’s Anthony now. When we moved here. Which is fine, I love Anthony. Use the one you like.”

“Ok-kay…” Adam wondered where he came from but couldn’t bring himself to ask. He thought of warning him for a second time but his thoughts were interrupted.

“Sorry, I talked too much right? My brother usually says this. Not like he loves anyone talking though. He’s boring. Mom says he’s lot like my father. Do you have any siblings?“

“I don’t.”

“I wish I didn’t too. I bet it must be amazing. But I would miss my twin sister, she gets a pass. I’d still be fine without my brother.”

“Why aren’t you sitting with her then?” God this boy was right, he talked too much and too fast it overwhelmed Adam’s brain.

Anthony bit his lip. “Dad said she’ll be in a different school. I don’t know why. He often makes weird decisions, it only makes both me and Molly sad.”

“Hm.” What else could Adam say? He was used to having nobody with him in this state.

I should definitely get him to go away.

“Sorry! I don’t realize it when I talk too much.”

“I don’t mind it.” Adam looked around. It should’ve been happening by now. “Listen-“

“You don’t?!”

“Yes but-“

A fit of giggles and laughs came from behind. Adam didn’t have to look to see who they were. Usual girl group, on their daily torture visit for Adam. How were they this sneaky?

“You found someone from your kind, Kadmon? From the trash can?”

“Go away!” He yelled.

“Okay weirdo! Have fun with your stupid Italian friend!” They walked off. Huh. It was quick. Adam returned to the now confused boy.

“Look, uh, Anthony. You should go.”

“What? Why?”

Adam rolled his eyes. Was he dumb?

“Trust me you wouldn’t want to be seen as my friend in here.”

“By who? Is that- Ooh.” It finally clicked in him. “Is that why you are sitting alone?”

“I-“

“Well I’m staying anyway.” He shrugged.

“Wait, what?” Adam was caught off guard by this.

“You said it was okay for me to talk! Barely anyone I know thinks like this! And I’m not letting go of someone who did, thank you.”

“Huh? I didn’t-“

A hand was pressed on his face, covering it slightly with mashed potatoes. “You already said it!”

“Hey!” He slapped his hand away, annoyed.

“Why are you this dead serious! Relax!” He giggled and went back to his seat.

“Oh, this is funny?” He threw a spoonful of broccolis at him. And couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped away when Anthony was absolutely disgusted by them.

“You’re laughing though!”

Adam was brought back to the present day. He shook his head, trying to focus on nothing but the meal infront of him.

————

I wrote this at 3 am sorry if some parts are stupid af.

[my-castles-crumbling]

its intrusive thoughts anon!

here to give you 11-15 yr old advice

basically, number one PLEASSSEE allow them to eat.

like if theyre hungry because most students dont have breakfast since theyre running late for school and they wait hours until break/recess to eat, which obv hinders with their learning. so like small things like a chocolate or some candies, allow them that.

next, keep an eye out for the students which take sometime to understand and dont make thme feel dumb. which ig you probably wont do and teachers arent supposed to but ive seen way too many teachers do that for it to be normal.

dont separate students from their friends even if theyre talking but are still completing their work on time.

if a student is repeatedly finishing their work early, have some kind of separate more intense activity for them or let them goof around.

the more you try to confine them, the more likely they are to act out (coming from a kid who uses to cut erasers and have eraser fights with their 4 friends after finishing work)

let the children either group themselves lr if you're going to do it, group them togetehr based on how they perform. dont create diverse groups because then youd be going back and forth alot instead of dividing your time between just a few groups of chiodren who need help.

ALWAYS BE VIGILANT!!! you turn around and theyre throwing shoes at eachother i kid you not.

also keep an eye out for children who dont have friends/are getting bullied. more often than not, you cant stop it, but just ig kinda be there for them.

last but not least give like extensions to children who need it. dont do it so often as to where they start to expect it, but do it for those who may be struggling mentally, or having trouble.

they'll appreciate you sm more

ACTUAL LASTLY, i wish i was taught by you lol but even if i could id be over the age limit🤸🤸

Hi!!! <3 I hope you're doing well!

Okay, I actually have a clarifying question about this one :D You say don't create diverse groups, right? But I feel like if I create groups based on ability, wouldn't that cause bullying if students realize they're grouped according to need? AND Wouldn't it be more fun to work with a classmate who could help you, rather than taking help from the teacher? Obviously, I don't mind doing my job (it's why I chose it lol) but I've always been under the impression that some kids prefer to ask their friends for help, rather than the teacher, because it's less...like it takes less of their independence? It's less embarrassing? Not that it should be, but I remember being in school and feeling embarrassed to ask the teacher for help.

Genuinely asking, what do you think is the better way to group as far as social ramifications? I try to be very aware about making sure kids don't feel dumb, even of they're struggling (nobody should ever feel dumb for needing help!) and I know middle school has more bullying and peer pressure than elementary school, so I don't want to add to any low self confidence.

[thisdreamplace]

Hi dream sorry this is a long one, feel free to answer

so recently I’ve been trapped in the past, I’ve made so many mistakes and so many stupid things I regret them so much, recently a mutual unfollowed me and I’m 100% it’s because of an old friend. we had a terrible falling out we both equally made mistakes and I’ve been working and changing myself from mine , moving on and reflecting from my past actions. I’ve gotten better yet I feel like others still talking about me to my friends will make everyone leave and their my best friends. I feel like a huge failure or even irredeemable

and I’m afraid everyone I love will leave me. I hate my past I wanna be better and so nobody needs to ever get mad or point out any bad behavior. I never wanna be a stressor

I’ve never done non dual to get something out off, never ever. but I always let go and trust god in situations , which help me and as I trusted it it always works out , god always plans the perfect outcome even if the process is a bundle of tears.

but how do you deal with situations where you jay need to let go and trust god? I tend to get so paranoid and the thought of “what if this is different? and it ends up worse” what helps you really calm down and be able to trust. your advice has always made a difference in my life

sorry if this is a trauma dump you are nobodies . Your advice for your another anons have helped me so much. feel free to answer if wanted. thank you for everything dream.

hewwo <3

it seems to me that although you think youre working on yourself a lot, you also just won't let go of what has happened, who you "were" and what you experienced back then. and you hold those beliefs a lot on others. you see people as something to be afraid of, something that could hurt you. something that is against you. and like that, you have this experience of people being such.

nothing could end up worse, thats the hardest pill to swallow. even in my darkest times, facing what i thought was my deepest fears at the time, i always survived and yet, i always looked back happily at what passed. because if someone is like that towards you, its best to let them free. if you are truly working on you, and forgiving yourself, and showing up in a better way... are they truly friends if they walk away from you easily? if everyone made mistakes, why arent you allowed to?

more than anything you have to truly let go and trust and stop trying to control the others in this situation. but i understand you a lot, when there's so much fear it becomes paralyzing, its not that easy to simply remember there is love and there is god and everything is okay. because in fact, it feels like nothing but that suffocating fear is real, and so you may act from that.

i think in those situations, all you can do is breathe. and little by little find ways to return to yourself again, to return to love. its not going to be overnight nor easy, but its a start. its a way. remember that true love does not judge, so stop judging yourself but also stop accepting that judgment from others, friends or not.

i hope this is somewhat helpful and you find yourself feeling relieved soon <3

[artichokefunction]

you're fading out. that's not good. you should, uh. try to stay conscious. you think. you try to take inventory, of what you've got. you still have both arms, or, no, they took your prosthetic. sawed it off below the joint, cut through the metal. that hurt. it shook the bone all wrong. you can't feel your arms, now, they're tied behind you. wrist tied to stump, too tight, wrapped around support beam pole thing. you can't get up.

they didn't mess with your legs, normally for torture they go for toes or nails, you think. you don't actually know normal torture very well. this is new, for you. they ripped your skull in half, you think. you haven't seen it you arent sure you don't really remember. but it feels like all the front+bottom part is gone. that hurts more then the rest, it hurts still. big hole. you need to stay awake. it's hard. your head is too heavy for you to hold it up. that's bad, also. you force your eyes open. focus on your body. you feel all wrong. you've got chunks missing. you, um, you try to remember. they took your jaw, you're pretty sure. why did they do that. you try to remember if there was a reason. you try to force your eyes open. its hard. you, um, you, fuck.

there's a noise somewhere in the basement, really far away. that seems bad. there are, um, hands? you fall forward and someone catches you. you try to stay awake you try to stay present. it's loud, and you're moving. you're not moving. someone is carrying you. is that bad? you, um. there's yelling, about something. you don't know. you're pretty sure you're dying. there's lots of sounds, you try to identify them. it's hard. there's, um, running. yelling and running. and then something moves your head wrong and it hurts and. you're. where are you. flat and kinda cold. you're on the table? in the truck? your friend's truck? how did that happen. how did- that seems too nice to be real. people don't normally come to get you out, of, places. you. um. it's really far away. you try to stay awake and you don't manage it, this time.

-

and you decide that you believe her. and you realise you believe her because your breathing is more normal and you heart is more normal and you're no longer moving like you're trying to break and panic and escape. so you hold her hand. you're holding it too tight you should let go a little bit. you hold her hand. and you breathe through your nose. in and out.

and then you wake up and you're alive and you're alive and there's a hole in your face. that's- that's such a big absence, so much of your skull is just gone, you- it's so much it's all gone it's all wrong you don't know what to do you can't move you can't move you can't- there's someone here. it's- it's her. your friend. hand on your shoulder and hand holding yours and he's trying to tell you it's okay. okay? it's okay. I'm here and you're here- we're in the truck, we're far away, we're safe here, we got you out, a friend helped me, we got you out, and. you're okay. you're gonna be okay. okay? you need to breathe I need you to breathe. you're gonna be okay. you can't- you can't get up I'm sorry. I need to work on your jaw. okay? it is bad but it's- you're gonna- you have survived. you are, um. surviving. you're gonna be okay. I need you to breathe. i need- you will be okay. it's okay. you're- we're safe. here. you're okay.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

how do you stop missing someone, especially when they arent really gone gone you just aren't in each others lives anymore and neither of you can go back to how it was in the before times recent community grief got me thinking and im sorry if youre not the person to ask but idk maybe you have thoughts?

So, I have this friend who just went through a pretty nasty divorce. And even before the separation and the filing, the man she married and the man she was currently married to were not the same person. This man had changed in only a few years, and not for the better. He had spent time in some pretty gross places and picked up some pretty gross ideologies, and he treated her pretty terribly. She filed for divorce, and then one day asked me, "If he is so terrible to me, why do I keep feeling like leaving him is like someone died?"

And my response to her was honestly more or less a paraphrase of something I had read in a book after my dad died that was about grief and got into grief that isn't necessarily caused by a death, but instead a separation of people for any number of reasons. Could be immigration takes you so far away from each other that you don't have the ability or money to visit, it can be a divorce, it can be cutting off toxic parents that you still love, it could be the loss of a friendship... Any number of things.

So what I told her was when you lose someone, you don't necessarily have to lose them to death to feel like you have lost connection to a life.

My friend wasn't mourning the loss of a man who treated her like shit. She was grieving the loss of the man she had originally married, the man she fell in love with, the man she dated. And she was grieving the loss of the future she had pictured having with him.

That's grieving a life lost.

I have lost a few people in this way. Sometimes to a conflict, sometimes to simply losing touch over time. The funny part is that I still sometimes have dreams where I'm just hanging out with them. Or in the case of an old boyfriend, I sometimes have dreams even now about apologizing for some of the things I did and hearing him apologize for some of the things he did. That conversation is never going to happen, not through any fault of either of our own, it just isn't. But the mind still wants things to wrap up, it wants to be able to categorize events and people and places in our lives and file them neatly away.

Life is too messy for that.

What has worked best for me, and it may not work for you but for me... I allow the grief and the mourning. I make space for it. I acknowledge that it's real and it's not lesser than other forms of grief just because it isn't necessarily as permanent. Pain is pain, and this isn't Sadness Olympics.

So for me, being able to think about it and work it out and go over what happened and what I'm sad about helps me because I'm not repressing and pushing it down, which only makes me dwell on it. Instead, I might notice something and think, Dustin would really like this song. And then feel a moment of melancholy for the conversations we never got to have. And then I move on.

If the loss is fresh, acknowledge that it's fresh, and that it's going to take a while to feel any better than you do right now about it.

It will stop being a fresh loss. But it may still come to mind from time to time, and that's okay, that's normal. Grief and loss are not linear. They are circles, they are rivers, they wind around and double back on themselves. They come in waves, they come in hailstorms, they come in the tide making its inexorable way up or down, they come sometimes in droughts.

Sometimes it can help if you have someone to talk to about it, or just write down what you're feeling even if you never show those writings to anyone else. Make space for the feelings, make space for the thoughts. Play music that resonates with how you feel, read books that fit the mood, maybe draw pictures. Just let your brain do what it will with the emotions.

It helps me. I don't know if it would help you.

But those are my thoughts.

[stormikins]

Ao3 mememe

Tagged by @swaps55 thank you!!! <3

no pressure tags: @commander-krios @xoshepard @omniblades-and-stars

(and my ao3 is here lol)

How many works do you have on ao3? 34!

What's your total word count? 189,941 over three years

What are your top fics by kudos?

One Step Closer (HFW: Aloy/Kotallo one shot that turned into two chapters lol)

Cold Hard Facts (Mass Effect: Mshakarian getting together fic)

Better From You (HZD: Aloy/Avad face painting fluff)

The missing piece (Mass Effect: Mshakarian didn't know they were dating. its garrus. garrus didnt know they were dating)

Distraction (HZD: Aloy/Avad pre-relationship Aloy has feeeelings)

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I try my best to! Someone actually decided to leave a comment about my fic and I want to make sure that they get appreciated the same I way I feel appreciated. But sometimes I don't know what to say in response thats not just thank you! lol I think commenting is very important for fic writing and i want to encourage more people to comment

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Ohhhh boy. an end, once and for all first comes to mind which is where Shepard dies post crucible firing, Tali POV. I still get shouted at for that. The consensus is shattered remains aka Shepard goes to Alchera. I cry every time I read this so. take that as you will.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Ehhhh SSV Normandy: mobile home for the galaxy's most competent fools probably. Basically, Shepard and Wrex get together early in me1, and throughout the games' story, the others don't realize they're together. So it ends with the crew realizing they are and that Shepard and Wrex have been fucking with them the entire time.

Do you write crossovers?

Not necessarily a huge thing for me, but I am writing an Alien(s)/Mass Effect thing where Shepard is Ripley. So it's basically the first two movies, but with ME characters and setting and stuff.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, but i did receive a weird comment where they mentioned something that did not have to deal with the fic. no hate, just weirdness

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, and i dont really know how to answer the second half of this lol. i guess some of it is emotional but that's when there's like 50k of fic before that. my smut oneshots arent very emotional. they're there for one reason and thats okay theyre fun

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really, no. I've helped people write their fics, but nothing has ever been formally stated to be co-authored by me (which is all good). I'm kinda hesitant about co-writing bc I can be controlling so i don't wanna clash with a friend yknow?

What's your all time favorite ship?

I feel like the answer would be Shepard/Kal'Reegar. bc i go bonkers over it. Which does make sense since I designed both of them and i know what i like. they mean a lot to me these two

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Everything? I got over a hundred (probably close to two hundred) wips in varying states of completion but the main one that haunts me i don't think I'll finish is a Aloy/Varl which is my first fic posted to ao3. Maybe one day.

What are your writing strenghts?

Dialogue! I'm real good with it, and I enjoy writing character interactions through it, I really excel in this area. Another thing I'm good at, is taking small details and expanding upon them and/or turning them into something more important.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description and internal monologue. I'm very much what the characters are doing is how they are feeling type of writer

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I personally don't do it because I only know English and I prefer if someone is writing a lot in a different language ( looking at mando'a ) translations are provided at the end of the fic or smth like that. its just nice but obviously not required and its not really a thing at all lol

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson back in 2016

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I want to write for Arcane and I do have a little bit written but I am deep in Mass Effects so we'll see how far I get lol

What's your favorite fic you've written?

the glow of stars or Pull Me Into Orbit PMIO is my rewritten (in progress) Kal'Reegar/Shepard fic that i have spent so much time on and put in a lot of thought and care and love. When im in the groove with this fic and its universe, I am truly happy.

the glow of stars is something that I'm really proud of, not only in a technical sense but also in the content of the fic. Shyrik, Shepard came back wrong and it's just very interesting and captures what I enjoy from a comes back wrong fic. It's one of the best things ive ever written and im very proud of it (i didnt think it was gonna be this good but people have said otherwise!)