#do you force your affections on them? do you make them uncomfortable and violate their boundaries despite knowing them?

[starblaster]

some murderbot fans/readers think they can say whatever they want about murderbot as long as they use the right pronouns for it. as if the romance and sex repulsion, touch aversion, and its other characterizing mannerisms mean nothing, apparently. it's just transparently obvious that people like this don't appreciate or respect how murderbot is written.

[twst-drabbles]

Scarabia 6

Summary: Jamil was cleaning the dinner table and you had to pick him up by his shirt to get him to stop. That’s your job. And also because you wanted to vent and mess around with him a little bit. Grudges are not easy to get rid of.

(Hehehehehe Janitor is bullying Jamil this time.)

“Buddy,” you quite literally picked Jamil up by the back of his collar, forcing him to drop the dinner plate back on the table, “I’m being paid to clean up this mess. Just leave it there. I’ll get it done.”

You didn’t have to pick him up like a wet cat but there’s just something about Kalim’s buddy that makes you want to egg him. His expression was always on the solid side, but wasn’t quite as true a stone as he wanted it to be. It reminded you of cracked clay plates on the ground, or layers of paints that were wrinkled and aged by time. Just made you want to dig your fingers in there and see what lays deep beneath.

You’ve seen the amount of times Jamil hissed under his breath and strained out a smile towards the oblivious crowds. That fake and poorly done vision of innocence that he gives to the bright Kalim. It’s different to Jade’s, as he was never one to pass up an opportunity to unnerve others. Jamil and Jade may both be calm, but one of them was certainly not composed.

You don’t like to butt into people’s business unless it affected your salary or health in any way. You generally leave stuff well enough alone since it always brings about trouble, however…

However, you have a certain amount of pride, a confidence in your mind and senses if you will. Those were the things that you had to use to survive without much injury. The few things you had, you kept a grip tighter than anyone, making sure they were always at full peak so that no one can push you around without you winning in the end.

You suppose the reason why you liked messing with Jamil as much as you do was because he violated one of those things that you took great pride in. That Snake’s Charmer of his, making you say things you never want to, having your head be filled with a dream-like fog until he was done with you. You have an ironclad grip on your sense, so much so that you never confused your dreams for memories. Of course you would notice this unique magic.

And you hated it.

You hated it, because how dare he wrangle you into something you don’t want to do. How dare he treat you like a puppet to say what he wants to hear. How dare he be the same scum that has festered in this college, so engorged on their own magic and pride that he thinks nothing of taking control over your words and actions.

So you couldn’t help the sneer on your face when Jamil said with a smile, “Oh there’s no need. It’s my duty to do at least this much. I’ve been doing this for so long that I get uncomfortable if I don’t this.”

“Ah, but Jamil,” dear, dear Kalim leaned from around the corner, wet rag at hand to assist in drying the forks and spoons, “I’ve noticed you’ve been stressed out lately, so you have to take a break.”

Courtesy of you, of course. Compared to the regular campus, cleaning Scarabia was absolutely heavenly and left Jamil with little to nothing to do. He’s not lying about being stressed when he’s not doing everything.

“Kalim, what did I say about being in the kitchen?” Jamil sighs as he reaches for your fingers, trying to pry them off but to no avail.

“It’s okay! I’m not cooking. I’m just drying like the Janitor told me to,” you cast Kalim a glance complete with a raised eyebrow, “Oh right! Jamil! You need to sleep! And that’s an order!”

Good boy. Now will Jamil follow suit in being a good boy as well?

The force of Jamil’s turning head had him swinging from your grip, “What? Kalim, uh, wait a moment!”

“Go to bed!”

“I’m taking you to bed,” you set Jamil straight with a shake of your hand, gripping Jamil’s chin to force his eyes forward, “And close those eyes and mouth of yours. Wouldn’t want to strain them now, would you?”

You can feel the way his jaw tightened, forced to swallow his pride to continue seeming innocent in front of the other students you’re passing by.

Honestly he could just kick you out at any time. Sure you have connections with the faeries and the staff members, but you can’t be worth it by this point. Is he hoping to find a way to break you down? To taste a victory that he constantly holds himself back from with that act of his?

It's almost cute really, like a school boy trying to beat his rival because he has a crush on them.

[whereserpentswalk]

Stop judging humanoids on weather they're good or evil based on how inhuman they are. I've seen far too many human and human passing "allies" make these claims. You have to realize how destructive it can be.

Members of the android, robot, AI and cyborg communities aren't going to have or express emotions in the same way. Most of them aren't going to emote with their faces or voices, and when they are it's often nothing more then an preformence for humans, the equivalent of forcing you to write emojis at the end of every word to show how you feel. Some of them don't even have emotions the way we do at all and that's ok. Just because you're robot freind doesn't emote at all, or says they don't experience an emotion you find important in the way humans understand it, doesn't mean they're going to hurt you.

Most vampires and other undead (Undead isn't a slur btw despite what some will tell you, and if it ever was it's long since been reclaimed) aren't going to suddenly act warm and compassionate just because they're good people. Most of them are going to still act and think in ways completely alien to how predead people do, most of them are still going to be focused on drives like gaining power or feeding and asking them not to would be terrible for their mental health, most of them don't move in humanoid ways even if they're bodies are vaugly humanoid. They might not hurt people, but that doesn't mean they're going to be nice and freindly by human standards. Also, very important, don't hug your undead freinds, most of them feel nothing from physical affection, or find it actively uncomfortable or painful, and most a vampire might want to be pet with two or three fingers like a reptile would be.

Demons and other eldrich horrors don't have to fight agaisnt the forces of the abyss to be good people. A human freindly demon or horror might even fight for the abyss, just in a non destructive way. Every demon or horror is going to see themselves differently for being paradoxical to reality, but its almost never healthy for them to hate themselves for it. Most demons still are driven by hedonism and desire even if they know not to torture or corrupt people for fun.

Also please don't fetishize Werewolves or encourage taking advantage of them when they're highly wolfed. It's gross and in a lot of cases is a violation of consent.

[drdemonprince]

For the kink thing. As an Autistic person, I was restrained sometimes in elementary school, possibly early middle school because I was forced to put up with the classroom environment for the convenience of the school systems I've been in instead of being allowed to just go outside and not put up with people inside. It's hilarious to me that people try to defend restraining above all else instead of as like, a last resort in genuine emergencies where a kid could hurt another, because I ended up developing kink and fetishes around it that I've still got in my late 20s. Could you imagine the pandemonium over restraint defenders having to contend with defending the sexual side of restraint. Where there's adults giving kids all sorts of sexual fantasies and urges just so they can write on a sheet of paper about who threw tea into what harbor as a precursor to a revolutionary war? Especially when there's alternatives like just letting the kid read the textbook alone outside or something? Sorry if mentioning this interaction between adults and kids is uncomfortable but that's literally what happened to me. I honestly have no idea if that restraint can be defined as csa or if what happened to me counts as that, maybe that got normalized for me. You're a mental health expert you'd probably know.

Thank you so much for sharing about this anon. Before I respond let me clarify that I'm not the mental health expert, I'm a dude with a research PhD who's been in enough academic psychological spaces to recognize that most of what gets passed around as knowledge in our field are just pre-existing cultural biases with fancy scientific terms slapped on top of them.

What you experienced was abuse and coercion, and whether we deem that as sexual or not doesn't necessarily make a difference in terms of how bad and violating that it is. We also can't know for sure whether your kink came from this abuse, but that doesn't change the wrongness of the abuse or of how violating it must feel to enjoy sex that always harkens back to your abuse. You had a traumatic experience that has lingering effects, including being reminded of your abuse during sex, and that tells us all we need to know -- that you were hugely violated and that the violation lingers and affects how safe you feel in your body especially during sex.

Talking about the origins of fetishes is always tricky and fraught, some people in the kink world find that conversation endlessly fascinating, and others reject the importance of it entirely, but I think regardless of where one stands on that issue, it is useful for abuse survivors to be able to talk about how they have eroticized their mistreatment and the complex messy feelings that they have about that. not everyone gets a fetish from abuse, but for those of us who do experience a linkage, talking about it feels really important.

And when it comes to that dynamic, you certainly are not alone. I tend to think that much of my fetish for psychological coercion and mind control is strongly linked to growing up in an emotionally and psychologically repressive environment. Being expected to not only behave but to think and feel in a very narrow range of acceptable ways did a real number on me. as did being (forgive the term) groomed to serve as my parents' sole emotional companion and confidant. i didnt under go official ABA but i was conditioned to comply. and my body, the tricky little fucker that it is, has coped with that history by eroticizing it.

I'm actually really grateful to my body for having made lemonade out of this lemon. I could feel ashamed that my early experiences 'broke' me into only finding controlling and manipulative interactions arousing. and I could meet this need in an indirect, internally conflicted way, say by only dating people who actually are abusive because they're the only ones who really get me fired up enough to sexually respond. And I did do that, until my mid twenties. and it was very damaging to me, but not because what i desired sexually was bad. but because i was ashamed and i wasn't treating myself with respect, and those things are bad.

What works far better for me is being open about my fantasies and finding consenting adults with whom to play them out, and to educate myself on how to go about fulfilling them in a safer way. Or I can at least inform myself of the risks and the rewards and make reasoned decisions about them. that's good too.

That's all a long aside though. let's talk about you. I fucking hate that our educational system prizes compliance above learning. You're absolutely right, you could have just read a book about class subjects out in the grass far away from anybody and it's awful that instead you were locked into an overwhelming room and then physically restrained when you couldn't cope with it.

That kind of shit can really fray a person's relationship to their body and their notions of consent and that DOES affect their sexual relationships no matter what. ABA therapy grooms kids for being abused and for staying silent when they are sexually assaulted.

it can be a wonderful thing that your body coped with that lemon by making you the lemonade of a restraint kink, if you want it to be. But you're not any less enlightened or healed or whatever if you don't want to engage with that or if it's too triggering to. It makes sense that recognizing that your sexuality is linked to your abuse makes you feel gross and weird.

For me, what works is engaging with the kinks that scratch that powerful itch, and then engaging in aftercare, and not bothering myself with ideas about my fantasies making me broken or being ashamed of them or what have you. But from where you're sitting, you obviously have every right to be angry that perhaps your abuse was what saddled you with this kink, and that regardless of whereever the kink came from, your abuse means that enjoying the kind of sex you like is also linked to something horrible that happened to you.

I wish that we could have real, open conversations about this with the child restraint defenders and the child abuse apologists and every supporter of ABA. I would love to see their skin crawl with the realization that the abuse they put children through is so harrowing and world-shifting that some kids brains have to erect entire psychosexual defenses around them in order to cope. i get why you want to really throw that in their faces and make them feel as horrified as they always deserve to feel about advocating for this stuff.

But their reaction of horror would come with the implication that having a kink or a fetish is some kind of pathology, and obviously that's not an idea we buy into around here. it's not good for any queer people or disabled people to really make that claim. And in reality, the people you might want to share that information with, in a spirit of righteous indignation, would not actually be moved or persuaded by it. because they never cared about intellectual consistency or the consent of kids ever in the first place.

thanks again for the message, I'm sure it will bring a lot of self recognition to more people than you'll even realize.

[nothorses]

Okay I feel like either I didn't express myself as clearly as I would've liked or there's some part of this I'm not quite getting, because it feels like we're talking about two somewhat different things. Someone eating unhealthy food in public or, fuck, doing meth or whatever only affects their own health and their own body, which they have the full right to do anything they want with. And in some cases smoking could be harm reduction to someone and therefore good, absolutely. But this isn't even about morality or whether or not an action is good for someone, like, I don't give a shit, that's beside the point. The key thing here imo is that a smoker doesn't just affect their own health, but the health of those around them who may have no realistic way of escaping that (legit the only way for me to not passively smoke is to not go outside), whereas all those other things factually don't. (And just to address the religion thing as well: sure, a religious homophobe may believe that gays are going to go to hell, but is not in danger of going to hell themselves from simply witnessing someone else being gay. Unless there's a religion where you like, go to hell if you don't hatecrime gays on sight?..)

I think yall are fundamentally misunderstanding the difference between

a person who is smoking in a situation where others, who did not or could not choose to be in the space with them while they were smoking, are forced to inhale the smoke secondhand, and

a person who is smoking in their own fucking yard, impacting two (2) people- unknowingly- neither of whom have health conditions relating to extremely diluted secondhand smoke, and both of whom could easily just talk to him about it if it was actually a problem. (Or close the fucking window)

cigarette smoke can impact other people. can. in certain contexts.

smokers have a responsibility to be aware of this and considerate towards those it may impact.

the part of this that I was comparing to "if I see two men kiss in public that's a violation of my consent" is the part where if someone is smoking in a smoking area and the wind blows it over to you while you're getting out of your car in the parking lot, and you smell it, and that's uncomfortable or annoying for you, well. You can simply walk away.

If you want to be in a particular place but there's a smoking area over there, and you are allergic to cigarette smoke, well. you can simply not go over there.

if you see someone in revealing clothing and it makes you uncomfortable, well. you can simply look away.

if you see someone in a shirt bearing an image that triggers you, well. you can simply leave. and take care of yourself as needed.

if you see someone walking their girlfriend on a leash and that upsets you, well.

you get the point.

[peachymilkandcream]

Break Me Slowly|Part 11|Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: I know this is coming out later than planned but I didn't have a chance to sit down and write until now, but I hope you enjoy the newest chapter!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

=============================================

Levi continued to scribble on his desk. He refused to look at her, refused to acknowledge her. The silence was utterly uncomfortable, making Evelyn shift from foot to foot. She wanted to defend herself, find something to fill the silence and relieve the tension so thick it could be cut with a knife. Right as she opened her lips to speak he spoke instead, making her jump slightly.

"After all I've done for you..given you a home, food, clothes, affection...you would try to dump me like I'm some kind of trash."

She was determined not to speak, although she had no doubt even from here he could see her lip trembling.

He stands in one motion. "Am I that much of a monster? You're so desperate to escape, I think I have every right to be upset."

Evelyn stares up at him, biting her lip so he couldn't see how terrified she was.

He pauses before backhanding her across the face. "Speak damn you! Why do you do this!? You disobey me again, and again! And then when you face the consequences you shut your mouth and cower, shaking like a leaf! Did you really think Erwin was on your side?" He scoffs. "Who do you think offered to help sell the lie. Your freedom came at the cheap price of my re-enlistment forms."

"Erwin cares about his soldiers..."

"Does he? He only cares about the greater good of humanity. It comes at whatever cost necessary. Yours, mine, even his lives are all just numbers. Statistics. You don't even want to know all the shit he's had me do in order to keep us on track. You're nobody, to anyone. Erwin, Hange, Eren, The Scouts, even that sad-eyed Braun. If any of them gave a damn about you they'd come save you. Don't you get it? No one cares about you, no one loves you." He pauses, taking a moment to run his hand through her hair. "Except me. I care about you...I love you...more than my own life. I would die for you, I would kill for you. You are my everything. You are the spring to my winter."

"If you really loved me you'd let me go, you wouldn't hurt me-"

"That's for your own good love..." He moves his head closer, kissing her neck gently. "I know you're unhappy, being a wife and mother is fulfilling, if you'd just be willing then think about the wonderful life you could have. Just submit already, submit to me.."

Evelyn couldn't stop herself, she turned her head to the side, letting have more access. She didn't want to be in pain. He had cause to beat her within an inch of her life, if just being willing for once would spare her the pain it couldn't be so bad. Just this once, one time pain free. She was just too tired to fight right now, even though she knew she should.

Levi took her slight movement as willingness, trying his best to keep his rush of arousal in check. He had only ever had her forcefully, while part of him enjoyed the fight, he truly just wanted her to submit to him. Sex without struggle was so much more arousing.

Her fingers found the buttons of his shirt, hastily undoing them and exposing his chiselled chest. Something in her just wanted to see if he really was more gentle when she gave in. Or if it was a lie to trick her into thinking the way he wanted her to. He would violate her either way, curiosity and a hint of desperation fuelled her to accept his embraces, accept his lips and tongue attacking her neck. Part of her liked being marked, it meant she was needed, wanted. Someone cared. Levi was a liar, but in this he had made a point, if her apparent friends did care about her, where were they? She only half remembered those words Reiner had said to her, begging her to come with him to a far off land, but he had never returned. He was probably finding a way whisk her away too and do the same thing Levi had done. They were all the same.

Levi pried off her clothes, he was so hungry, so desperate for her. He didn't want to waste a second and have her return to her stubborn ways of fighting him off. He loved her like this, needed her like this, he'd do anything to have it. Drug her, make her drunk out of her mind, give her those aphrodisiacs Petra had suggested, as odd as that was. It didn't matter to him, he just wanted to ride this high for as long as he could.

Against his normal instincts he was gentle, laying her down on his desk and using his discarded shirt to cradle her head. If she was willingly spreading her legs for him, he would uphold his part of the deal and be gentle. Even though everything in him screamed to shove every inch inside her without mercy. He was slow, took his time and let her feel every vein as he sheathed himself inside her.

"See what happens when you behave?" His voice was tender and loving as he started to move, slow and caring, actually giving her time to adjust and take in his length.

She didn't push him away, holding onto his arms to stabilize herself, her breathy moans coming freely and not forced from her clenched teeth. "Faster- please-" Her voice was little more than a whisper, but he heard it. Picking up the pace.

For once in their whole marriage this time it was about her, it was about him rubbing soft circles in her clit making her twitch, and gently flicking her nipple with his tongue. To him it was vanilla and almost boring, but the way it made her come undone so quickly made him not regret it in the least.

Normally she violently fought him off to avoid him finishing inside, begging and pleading with him to cum anywhere else. But this time she pulled him in with her legs, welcomed the hot liquid shooting deep inside her.

In the aftermath Evelyn hated herself for it, hated that she enjoyed it and so much. However she stopped beating herself up when she realized what this would mean, if she could just play along then Levi might let his guard down enough she could really leave. Escape at this point was useless, he could find her and he had allies she didn't even know about. If she pretended to be his housewife eventually he'd allow her more freedom until it was too much and she slipped past him. The moral side of her felt guilty for playing with someone's feelings, but after all he'd done to her morality wasn't something she could worry about right now.

===============================================

Levi was surprised by the sudden and drastic change in Evelyn, she allowed him to do whatever he wanted. She'd spread her legs for him and would act just like a normal wife should. It was suspicious for sure, but with his continued careful watch of her he would just reap the benefits of her change in attitude.

With her change in attitude came her freedom, he brought her out of the house more, allowing her to talk to and interact with others. She seemed to enjoy it, liking the interaction with anyone but him. When they walked through the street, she introduced him as "Her Husband", making his heart swell with pride and joy.

He proudly told Erwin of his feats in taming her, earning slight nods, merely listening in relative silence. When Levi finally finishes his rant, Erwin breaks his silence.

"She's not pregnant is she."

Levi hesitates, trying to get a read on Erwin's intentions. "No, she's not."

"A failure on your part of course."

"If that's how you see it."

"It is." Erwin rearranges things on his desk. "Which brings me to my point." He laces his fingers and rests his elbows on the wood surface, staring Levi down. "It's been some time since Eren has gone missing, so long that now the government is breathing down my neck."

"And what do your problems have to do with me?"

"We've confirmed Eren's somewhere in Marley correct? Your wife was good friends with him when he was still a scout, I want her to bring him back."

Levi scoffs. "Why not just send one of those brats like Mikasa or Armin? They're arguably closer."

"True, but not as mature, plus, my plan is to send her undercover. Posing as a Marleyian soldier."

"And when she gets caught? You just want her to get killed?" He couldn't hide the aggression in his voice.

"Of course not." Erwin pauses again, as if choosing his words carefully. "Your wife also made a connection with the traitor Reiner Braun, if she's caught, she'll have a sympathizer who might spare her life."

Levi stands abruptly. "Like hell I'll allow that." He quickly turns to leave.

"I'm afraid your alternative isn't much better."

He stops and turns. "And that is?"

"I'll expose you publicly for what you've done."

"Tch. And lose your prize Scout? I know a bluff when I hear one."

"At this point Levi, Eren is more useful than even you. If he can trigger even a small scale Rumbling to crush our enemies I won't have need for you ever again."

Levi grits his teeth. "Blackmailing me Erwin, I'm impressed. Didn't know you had the guts." He turns on his heel and rips the door open.

"Is that a deal then?"

"It's a deal alright you bastard." Levi leaves the room, slamming the door so hard behind him books rattle and fall off their shelves.

Erwin finally lets his smirk show itself on his face. "How do you like a taste of your own medicine Levi?"

[classicintp]

i wish i could prove this without violating someone's privacy and getting in trouble for it but one of my co-workers who is very.. uhh. let's just call him ignorant for now, changed his last name legally from his birth dad's last name to his step dad's last name because of family drama that is none of your business. His first name is super common and is shared with 2 other people here so we call all 3 of them by their last names and over the last 6 months while everyone was continuing to call him his birth name (because, look, honestly, it really is difficult to adjust to changing someone's name you've all but carved into stone in your mind and memory) I have gone on a pissing-people-off-by-correcting-them crusade. It was hard for me too, but I changed the habit, and so everyone else can too.

he doesn't even really care if others adjust to it, it was a personal issue and if everyone else continued to call him by his birth surname he said it wouldn't affect him because legally it's different and that's what matters to him, but to me names matter so I correct people and had all of his work credentials painstakingly changed even amongst opposition from higher ups. And it's not even strictly on the principle of contemporary transgender issues, names have always been very very important to me before I was even aware transgender people existed (i live in the southern us, not my fault), but I'll be god-damned if I didn't risk my job and health to bitch and complain DIRECTLY in favor transgender issues because of it. After over 6 months of making whole rooms uncomfortable with loud interruptions, hands slamming on tables, and direct eye contact correcting people from referring to this long time coworker from name 1 to name 2 and this same motherfucker tells me today he doesn't get why a transgender person (not the term he used) thinks they can "force" others to call them by a girl's name just because they think they're a girl (same for trans men and boy names but that wasn't his specific rhetoric)

just imagine this.. imagine someone saying something that is ignorant, not specifically hateful just.. they don't get it, they don't get it in a way that has unfairly bred hate and they don't see it. they feel uncomfortable and due to that discomfort they say this stupid thing and

everyone at the table just kinda stares at him quietly, almost confused I think; though he didn't make anyone change to using his new name, he has expressed appreciation to everyone that they had changed, and expressed appreciate to me for putting in the work to get his work credentials updated. He'd been working there for a decade, in the past he has expressed he felt respected.

i am probably the only progressive at the table, i think literally everyone else is a trump supporter, fox news loving, tucker carlson mentee and they all have endured my relentless lectures reminding them over and over to respect this man and his decision to change his name. they all see my effort swept under the rug by this utterly stupid comment because they want to agree with him, they really do, they hate "THE TRANS AGENDA" and YET they know they can't say anything because they have been made well aware by me for six mother-fucking months how this deadnaming issue has affected a cishet, how trans issues aren't actually some bogeyman agenda and how they affect everyone. They rolled their eyes and ribbed me about it but they still have such a slight modicum of respect for me because of the experiences they've shared with me on the job site and my absurd work ethic that for 15 full seconds they see it now, they see what the FUCK I've been talking about. 15 seconds is so short but when 24 people suddenly go quiet and look at you, it becomes an eternity, and he felt that weight, and he said "oh" and everyone said "uh huh" or an uncomfortable "haha" or some other such murmurring sound while I just kinda shook my head a little bit in the utmost frustration and i hope it made just a little bit more fucking sense to everyone.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Hey, so I have a situation going on (TW for extensive discussion of ED):

So I'm in recovery but sometimes I still relapse, especially during the fall and winter months, idk why but those are just the worst for me in terms of ED. My roommate and acquaintance knows that I've been battling ED for most of my life and before I moved in with her and other flatmates, I told everyone that I am in recovery and that I need them not to comment on my food (be it choices that seem disordered but are actually improvements to my previous situation, or idk my portion sizes for example).

Despite that, this roommate, who is currently going through an eating disorder and is in therapy for it, keeps commenting on my food. She keeps judging how much I eat, keeps asking me questions about why I eat what I eat (eg. Sometimes there are days when I just won't eat something I haven't made. I just can't. And she'll just keep asking why. It's not malicious but she doesn't take the hint when I say "well you know...due to the problems" and essentially forces me to just outright say that I can't eat it because I don't have control over it and the ingredients, which is both a frankly embarrassing thing to say and most of the time she doesn't really get it either), and sometimes says things like "Idk how you eat like that and aren't fat lol" (which usually occurs when I have like...a slice of bread with jam or something, which is, mind you, also usually my only food of the day because I am too busy for my own good, and because my meds cause me not to have an appetite).

Worse than that, she vents about her ED problems to me constantly. I get that maybe she needs someone outside of therapy to talk about it with, but it makes me really close to relapsing every time. She'll come home and start saying things like "I weighed myself yesterday and lost another X kg" and "A guy ranted to me about how he wanted to lose weight, like duh he should be happy, he might need it for when he's like me, who hasn't eaten in 3 days." and "I've been so bad today but it's probably a good thing because the 4 days before that I didn't eat at all."

I don't know how to gently reaffirm my boundaries and tell her that it's affecting me really badly when she says such things to me. I don't want to be too firm or mean, and I understand that she's going through bad stuff, but I'm not in a place where I could listen to it without it fucking me up badly.

Honestly, I think you've given your roommate the benefit of the doubt for too long. She doesn't "forget" she's triggering you. She's subtly doing it on purpose. She doesn't "not pick up on" your hints about why you're uncomfortable. She's enjoying making you uncomfortable. I usually do not advise people to think in such a paranoid fashion, but I truly believe the writing is on the wall here. As someone who has given others the benefit of the doubt for too long and gotten hurt for it, I feel obligated to say this.

Anon, those of us who have eating disorders are often unwell in other ways. We often have trauma and difficult relationships and other issues. And we're often competitive in our eating disorders, which is a real risk. Many of us try to show off being the "sickest" or make it a game, sometimes. And you are ABSOLUTELY allowed to be too firm and "too mean" in defending your health. Her going through stuff does NOT justify her putting you through stuff, and that's a lesson all of us who have mental illness need to learn - both in regard to what we put up with, and what we may make others put up with.

So listen. A successful boundary is not a statement of "you can't do X." Attempting to control the behavior of others is useless. Instead, think of a boundary (and speak your boundaries) in terms of "if you do X, I will do Y to protect myself." And do be prepared to follow through on that consequence. As one of my favorite TikTok therapists once said, "a boundary without consequences for violating it isn't a boundary, it's more of a fancy request."

If you're stuck in the lease and don't have the option of moving away from this girl, here's what you can do to get by for now. Make a list of all the things she has done to trigger your ED, and make a list of responses that will be protective for you. Then, have a kind but firm talk with her about how she constantly triggers your ED and how you will be taking the following measures to take care of your mental health. Let her know you're not trying to be hurtful but for your protection, these are non-negotiable. Things like "If you continue to make comments about what is on my plate, I will take my plate and leave the room." or "If you continue to vent to me about your eating disorder, I will hang out with you less."

She may try to act the victim. Do not be swayed by this. No matter how she feels about this talk, nothing is worth sacrificing your mental health, and it is her own responsibility to learn to take care of her own mental health WITHOUT hurting others, as we all must learn to do. Tell her that you want for her to have someone to talk to about this, but that someone cannot be you. She has done this multiple times. This isn't a mistake at this point, and honestly, you're not doing her a favor by letting her go without learning how to hold herself accountable for respecting the boundaries of others. But more importantly, you're not doing yourself any favors by teaching yourself that it's okay to let others hurt you because they're having a hard time. Your hard times matter too, anon.

Best of luck in the roommate stuff and in making it through the winter.

[magnoliamyrrh]

Thank you for talking about all this even through it's uncomfortable. I'm from the Balkans too and I went through some similar things, but I did not know it was such a common experience until I read the other anons and your experiences. I have never really told anyone about it and I still have hard time knowing how to feel, but I think what my Aunt did technically count as being molested? When I was still rather young she would "play" with me down there often and it would always feel overwhelming and too much. It has always made me feel odd looking back at it, and it disturb me to realize that she probably made me orgasm, but because it was not forced or painful and she was nice and because it was normalized for family to grope and sexualize in general I never complained or knew it was wrong and I have never known if it counts as actually being abused or not. But I guess... I am starting to realize that was not really normal

hey <3 yea, of course. i think its helpful to talk abt this shit for once, this culture of silence and shame and normalization doesnt seem to have rly helped any of us. thank you for sending this too

no its.. its definitely not normal, and im sorry you went through any of this anon <3 v much sending u a hug. we have just... for sure normalized a certain level and kind of pedophilia and incest in the balkans, particularly with young children, and its... really fucking weird. i totally get what you mean, i grew up w a v similar thing for years, and its v confusing and conflicting to grow up and realize it.. wasnt ok..this whole thing w messing around w little kids like that in the open and noone seeming to have any issue w it whatsoever bc they find it cute or endearing or playful or harmless or whatever the hell is just. really fucking weird. really weird. i still have a rather hard time trying to wrap my head around it bc i just.... really don't fucking get it ?? ive never been around a kid and thought oh yea hey you know what would be cute. doing that. and yet somehow this was just. fine???

and i know what you mean. often when you think of abuse or csa you think of something that is traumatic and violent and forced and leaves you feeling scared and violated and... its real odd when its not like that, and when it was just kinda a normalized thing that didnt necessarly seem bad or unpleasant or unwanted or traumatizing in the usual sense, tho personally i do think it definitely fucked me up. i think it makes it harder to know how the hell to feel about it, or how to feel about these people frankly.... i really dont know what to make of them. is this pedophilic behavior? yes...? do i think theyre pedophiles......???? yes? no? both? i have no idea, it doesnt seem like the sort of thing they do to get themselves off but rather bc its just.. normal to them and a normal way to show affection even though it is most fucking definitely not, and its definitely abusive. ..... I don't know. it really is all such a confusing entangeled mess, and I still cant believe weve somehow reached the point culturally where this stuff is just so normalized. im sorry again that uve been through this too anon im wishing u all the best and may you find some peace with all of this <3

[kantraels]

Hello! I'm sort of new to following you but, your art and characters have inspired me so much to expand upon my own characters lore that i was to anxious to expand on and I want to tell you how much I love your art and your characters are amazing!I also wanted to encourage you to talk more about the Daemonhosts and trauma bonding, I'm extremely curious on your thoughts on the matter! (Thanks for taking the time to read this! Have a great day!)

you got it boss, also at any point feel free to come into my inbox or messages to tell me about your characters. makes the world go round. now updated with some of the doodles scattered on this blog to make my points.

trigger warnings: discussion of sexual assault, warhammer-typical violence, religious trauma, abuse/dynamics of abuse. proceed below the cut to avail yourself to my thoughts...

before I get into it I want to provide a minor clarification on the correct* definition of trauma bonding: trauma bonding is the bond that develops between abuser and abused, predicated by cycles of abuse/trauma followed by reassurance/positive reinforcement.

*the "nicer" (incorrect but becoming pervasive due to pop psych, so maybe it will enter the lexicon as a "correct" definition at some point?) definition is the bond between people who have gone through a traumatic situation together, which could be peer support but also I don't think that properly encompasses the entire impact of it. another quibble I have with peer support as a term for this is that it implies a helper/helpee relationship rather than mutual experience of trauma and the bond that results from it. personally, I use trauma-enabled intimacy (or TEI). I've also deliberated on trauma-accelerated intimacy, but that isn't as precise as I'd like it to be. it's not an official psychological term but it's different enough from trauma bonding to not be mistaken for it, and encapsulates the intent. and hey, note that TEI and trauma bonding can be present within the same relationship!

also once more before I get into it I want to acknowledge that not everybody is going to see daemonhosting and possession and what have you the way I do. These perspectives are very valid and acceptable and are different approaches to telling a story. to a further point, this is mostly in regards to my oc Kenna, the experience they had, and how it's affected them. and how can I forget the Lord of Change (LoC), their fellow victim and another manipulator?

but, onto the main element of the argument, the way that I see it daemonhost creation (and possession as a whole) is a straightforward allegory for rape. with possession, one could argue, there is an element of seduction and manipulation, "softer" coercion. if you wanted to be victim-blamey*, in true imperium fashion, someone who has been possessed has brought it upon themself because they weren't strong enough to resist.

*imo there are three main elements of victim-blaming: fear, ignorance, and superiority. they all link into each other. and these qualities are encouraged and exalted in the imperium! these people are so good at victim blaming. so good.

daemonhost creation strips away even that element of plausible guilt. as plainly as possible, a person is made to accept, by force, the presence/essence of another person into themself, and furthermore this very act is so much of a violation of their sense of self that their soul is destroyed. after their selfhood has been effectively taken away, their body continues on as a commodity/housing for someone else. there is also another violated party: the daemon. arguments about soul or personhood aside, that's another being having their free will violated.

some of the earlier stuff I did leaned more heavily on provocative (if not erotic, because this is not that kind of story) imagery. it's intended to be uncomfortable. hence, the peacock censor... funnily enough their design has changed yet again. anyway, onwards.

for Kenna and the LoC, the entire point of this post, that is the origin of the trauma bonding. Kenna faced abuse from both the Cult of Admonition (CoA) and the LoC. The LoC was unarguably in a position of power over them; but it was also facing the threat of being forcibly controlled by the CoA. In a way, the LoC and Kenna were in the same position of being targeted for violation of their selfhood. The LoC would want to avoid a successful binding, just as much as Kenna, and have only so many methods of doing so. It could, and did, decide that the best option is by convincing Kenna that the only way out is allowing it to possess them.

(see this old comic I made. its not particularly good and was done on paper but it has the vibe.)

While Kenna had no way to protect themself except mentally, the LoC could speak to them; could show them things, could offer relief, could promise revenge, could retaliate whenever they refused it and then ply them again with taking their pain away and giving them back some of the power that had been taken from them. Kenna viewed the LoC with a mixture of hatred, revulsion, and gratefulness, and camaraderie. after all, they were in the same position! except the LoC was still in a position of power over Kenna, and used this ruthlessly to break them down to save itself. this went on for three or four months, at which they finally agreed to let the LoC possess them, or maybe just couldn't hold out anymore... it's not like they remember, or would share if they did. at some point, it was easier and kinder to be somewhere else.

because here's the other thing about rape abuse possession: there is a sense of incredible shame and pain in talking, thinking, acknowledging that it happened. sometimes, there's a clear structural reason it happened. sometimes, the victim will tie themself in knots to justify why they deserved it. sometimes other people will, too. sometimes it is done by someone you trust. most of the time it is someone you trust. and that makes it harder to realize, and harder to leave, and harder to stay away. moreso when substances are involved; when there is real inability to leave. in fact, whenever I jokingly refer to their time as a mock-dh, I call it a toxic relationship.

To abbreviate the rest of Kenna's plot up until joining the rejects on the Mourningstar, after the possession, the LoC pretended to be successfully bound while using Kenna's body; on occasion it would force Kenna to see things other than what were happening, sometimes for its own amusement and sometimes to pacify them so they wouldn't fight it. It then graciously allowed itself to be exorcised* for unforseen reasons and fucked back off into the Warp, leaving Kenna to pick up the pieces.

*via a joint Malleus-Hereticus operation

As you can imagine, it has not been easy for them. Kenna's got the Seer voice, I've done some picking and choosing about how much of that is accurate to my portrayal of them, and at this point I do consider them to be talking to the Emperor or at least a similarly agonized shard of him. As for the rest of it, they don't trust their own senses, and sometimes not even their own thoughts. People don't like them. They're odd. They speak strangely, they're afraid, they're not all there. Nevertheless, they have survived, and they will continue to survive.*

*I am now dedicated to doing nice things for them for the rest of time because they've been through enough.

[the-firebird69]

It stinks here and it's overflowing again cuz he's have to cut full of water has fall down below that's one reason the other reason it doesn't train right and it's a mess and things might start happening here we're waiting to see and that's what we're going to talk about

-there's a lot of happenings there's a huge battles giant moving some people and it's important that we get it out firstly we are uncomfortable here we are moving in en force because of that

-the sole of you that will not give him a break about anything and it's unfair it's unjust and it's inhumane one of you is taking a fall and that would be Trump he's being pursued by a lot of people and more than he meaning the out number him. He lost an important appeal today and that appeal went to the superior court of Colorado and they were found that the move to take them off the ballot is justified incorrect and Trump immediately appealed to the supreme Court of the United States the federal level and is the last of the appeals and it does not affect the trial date at all for any of the proceedings within and the justice department is telling him to stop ordering people to do it and they're sending him letters it's going to grow into something bigger and our son and daughter say he will be forced to do what Tommy f is up to and Tommy f will be by Max to implicate him weaken him further degrade his troops on the outside to prevent them from freeing or supplying any of the ships and the men there would of course deteriorate rapidly after Time and that's what they're trying to do by implicated Trump in the crimes against him it's pretty vicious but that's what they're up to and there are other things that are happening as well but Trump is by the state Superior Court excluded from the state of Colorado if the feds say no he's not it'll probably go to court because the state has a right to say what their state is up to and also now there's a federal law that says you have to be running for all of the people and if you're excluded from some state or area then you will not be allowed to run and it does not have to be in the Constitution no it has to be a law you can't break the law to become president the Constitution does not override that particular law and it would have to.

-there's a huge number of people who are evacuating Florida they are leaving and they're going to stay out it has happened before but in the past two days were up to about 42% of the warlock and every type. Up to it including the pseudo empire are actually leaving they don't like it here anymore they don't want to fight this war no that's not true it does not include them.

-there are other things happening that are pertinent of course and huge there is a big fight going on here between bja and Trump and it is a horrible horrible fight they are at each other that's because they're two of the biggest groups fighting over the islands and over what's to take there they're fighting over our son thinking that he's easy to get stuff out of and they are insane they're trying to give him there now and Tommy f is making it a third party he's in the way and others are trying to hold him here lots of others and pretty soon there's others will try and stop them completely they're big groups

-there's a lot of complaining here about our supposed treatment of them and they're lying all the time and we need to tell you we do not appreciate your behavior actions towards our son you are in violation of your own loss rules ethics and your plan is going to be nothing because of it nobody told me that every day for 2 years and you don't hear it I want you to stop evoking that conversation you're not very bright people and we changed years a year and a half ago we're taking over the world using you and apparently if you don't care just continue blabbing we are serious group we have tracked and do track every one of your devices and we don't appreciate the talk either and you're quitting with us is causing you your lives and your land in your possessions your money your friends and your future. Right now we are acquiring another five Spain size area type combined that's three portugals and we had a space in the intern we were preparing to do so we're also pretty good basis we're putting in two mega basis it's just surprising to some people but others is not because our son and daughter say we are going to be in trouble with Max and that's why and we're putting them in strategic locations in addition we have 10 very large and those are big I usually 20 by 50 or 30x30 and those are a couple huge areas we have about 30 large and those are 20x20 and even 20 x 10 but they're all over the place on each hemisphere. We have around 80 medium going in and they are ancillary to the large and very large and so on and we have about 6,000 tiny and the same with them and we have a lot of lookouts yes. We also use different techniques to keep in touch with me make sure we know we're talking to. In addition to those five areas and they're pretty much the same place each area and there adjacent to each other and took over three smaller areas in the perimeter. The area that we're talking about that big. But because of where it is it is a big deal and Lock stock and barrel and we are going to wall It off on purpose and also because of where it is and we have since the last announcement and three chronicle areas and three major cities and we're saying that because they were exactly three we're up to 3500 and we only took three more now it's more like 300 I went up to 3800 and we're occupying the other 700 there's a lot of other things that we're doing we're putting in a whole bunch of one block areas and four block areas we have a huge amount of area of housing and apartments and it's growing we're also taking over certain areas that are critical interest ahead of others and it's going well. In the Midwest we are now ripping out the second area of five major cities and we are rating the third but fully and soon will be ripping that out and reading the 4th completely but keep in touch. There has been a lot of activity since we last put things on here we're going to print now

Thor Freya

Olympus

Hera Zues

[aliceward]

What Does it Mean to Dream About Adultery

Dreams of adultery implies falling out of love, losing self-confidence, expressing repressed desires, making difficult decisions, short temper, having suspicions about your partner, and so on.

When you have dreams of committing adultery, it can mean that there are feelings or desires within yourself that you are not aware of. Perhaps these thoughts and emotions go against your morals but still exist within your subconscious mind. These dreams might also represent a subconscious betrayal by doing something wrong that goes against what we believe in as moral people.

What Does it Mean to Dream About Adultery

When you have done something illegal, it’s not easy to forgive yourself. It might be in your best interest, but thanks to the awkward situation where you were trapped into doing such things or not obeying a selected law, that becomes very hard for those tormented by this problem. they begin blaming themselves, considering what had happened last time, which led them towards committing an offense.

Dreaming about adultery can have different meanings. As an example, if you dreamt that it had been your partner who cheated on you, then this might mean one in all two things: either a scarcity of affection or sexual desires from your spouse or subconscious feelings of attachment. Cheating within the dream means something opposite to those with spouses - that they’re feeling insecure and searching for some intimacy.

The dream of your partner cheating on you will signify that they’re not supplying you with the required attention and love in a relationship.

This type of dream can also indicate your feelings about low self-esteem which does not satisfy the expectations that others have for you. This shows a loss of affection towards their partner because they are not as affectionate with them either.

Dreaming of adultery is a sign of negative forces at work in your life as per dream meaning and interpretation. A person should be careful after such a dream. You might give into unethical relationships causing distress and harm to your current life.

Dreaming of adultery with someone you know means you will be cheated soon.

Dreaming of adultery with unknown person means you will give into temptations and this will disrupt your present life.

Dream of adultery and you are not happy in the dream means you will regret an action of yours. This will damage a current relationship.

Dream of adultery and you are happy and you are repeating it or want to see it again means you will have your desire fulfilled soon. But the fulfillment of desires will bring unknown problems.

General Dream Interpretations of Adultery

In reality, committing adultery might feel exciting, regretful, or even liberating… while news of your partner’s adultery makes you feel nauseous, heartbroken, or vengeful.

But when the same happens in your dreams, let’s see if the meanings change here…

You lack self-confidence as you can’t meet others’ expectations.

You fell out of love because your partner doesn’t show affection either.

You yearn to express your suppressed sexual urges and desires.

You’re ashamed of yourself as you committed something that violated your beliefs and ethics.

You’re in an uncomfortable situation and can’t reconcile with your loved ones.

You blame yourself for all of the troubles you face instead of finding a solution.

You might doubt your partner’s loyalty, spy on them, argue with them as you’re sure about their unfaithfulness, and only wait to get evidence.

You must make a difficult decision about your romantic or professional life soon.

You’ll lose your partner’s affections because of your short temper, so try to control your emotions.

Someone will accuse you of illegal actions, so beware.

[read-marx-and-lenin]

Except this is only "surprising" if you expected that the interaction would be PiV from the outset just because it involved a cis man and a cis woman. That expectation only exists because of heteronormative social values. It would be like if a James Bond movie had the Bond girl peg him during a sex scene. Lots of cishet men would be upset and uncomfortable about it because their expectation is that the way a man and a woman should have sex is PiV. I don't see that as a problem with the hypothetical movie, I see that as a problem with the social expectations surrounding sex.

A movie or a video game or some other form of visual art is not an act being performed on the body of the viewer. They are not participating in a physical activity with a sentient person who they can clearly communicate their wants and needs to. They are engaging with a scripted, pre-written narrative as a person who exists outside of the narrative.

Karlach does not engage in this act with the player character because she is a person who has desires that she wants to force upon the real-world player watching the cutscene regardless of their consent. Karlach and the player character are scripted to engage in this act because that's what the writers of the story decided would happen in this scene. The characters do not have agency, the game does not have agency, it is a piece of media depicting fictional events. That the player may be uncomfortable with some of the events depicted does not change this. That the player may identify with the player character to a great degree does not change this.

A book can be written in the first person perspective to immerse the reader, a book can be a choose-your-own-adventure to give the reader a degree of control over where the story goes, but it's still a fictional narrative about a fictional character that is not the reader. Role-playing video games like Baldur's Gate give the player a greater amount of control and customization than an adventure book, but that control and customization only serves as an immersion factor in a story that is otherwise just as scripted and separate from the player as a book is.

That a player can become deeply immersed in the narrative, that a player can fantasize about being the person in the narrative, does allow for scenes to be more uncomfortable in this form than they would be in a movie or book. I don't deny this. Where I object is in saying that because this connection to the story is more personal, the writers of the story have a responsibility to either write scenes that are less provocative or that they should effectively hand the writing duty off to the player in these scenes. The alternative, allowing the writers to write scenes that are provocative and challenging towards social norms regardless of how certain players might feel about their inclusion, should not be construed as an attack on those players or a violation of the consent of those players any more than they would be if a book or movie had the same scene.

If a person is having sex with someone and they want them to stop, that is a situation in which the partner can make a choice to either violate the trust and consent of the person and continue to perform the objectionable act, or they can stop and preserve that trust and keep the act consensual. If a person is playing a game or watching a movie or reading a book and they want it to stop, then all they have to do is stop. They are in control the entire time. The game or the movie or the book can't force the person to continue without their consent. It is a passive agent, not an active one.

There are situations in which a work might have a more immediate and physiological reaction on a person, such as patterns of lights that can trigger epileptic seizures or jumpscares that can affect people with certain heart conditions, and those should be avoided when possible and when included in a work they should give the audience a prominent heads-up, but in this case I don't see any reasonable requirement that wasn't already met. They warn the player that the game has sex scenes, they give the player the option to skip them or turn them off, and if the player wants more information that might potentially spoil certain scenes then they can ask other players or go to websites like doesthedogdie.

Honestly, I don't think catering to heteronormative expectations about what cishet sex should look like or turning the scene into a dollhouse where the player can position the characters whatever way they like would have been a good substitute for challenging heteronormative expectations like this. This scene was someone's fantasy out there, and in a world of games and movies and books that cater to the fantasies of cishet men who only ever want to top, it's good that there is now some pittance of mainstream indulgence for those who don't share that same fantasy. For the rest of the cishet men out there, they should be taken out of their comfort zone by media once in a while. If we're going to live in a world that is sex-positive and queer-positive, then we need space for stories that challenge cishet norms. Baldur's Gate 3 barely does this in the first place. You can make your character trans, but none of the companions are trans. Your character is whatever sexuality you want it to be, but all the companions are playersexual. If you're playing as a cishet man who only ever romances female characters, the Karlach scene is the only one that diverges from typical cishet expectations. To treat this small divergence as an antagonistic move on the part of the writers is to leave no room for any mainstream game to do anything but coddle cishet men.

REDDIT DUDES ARE MAD ABOUT KARLACH TOPPING THEM

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: The Fox, Hunting.

Pairing: Yandere!Yae x Reader x Yandere!Ei (Genshin Impact).

Word Count: 1.2k.

TW: Implied Non/Con, Mentions of Blood/Bruising, Imprisonment, Obsessive Behavior, and Slight Bondage.

Most people are surprised to find out how foxes hunt, in Inazuma.

Well, calling it ‘hunting’ may be misleading. That'd imply strain, pressure, stress and blood and prey caught through careful wit and savage brutality. In reality, Inazuman foxes are prone to lethargy, preferring to settle into a ray of warm sun or a spot of cool shade, to lie on their stomachs and rest their heads on the ground and stay like that, for minutes, hours, days. They’ll allow insects and butterflies to land on their twitching noses, let trembling field mice and shaking fawns scurry past without a second glance, and as time passes, as the creatures of the forest grow more accustomed to their presence, they’ll grow more friendly, nap with weary rabbits, roll in the grass with stray dogs and cats who might’ve wandered past the city’s outskirts.

They’ll wait until something small and simple comes along – a songbird, for example, round and cute and oblivious, unable to fight back after its been cornered, and they’ll stay very still, close their eyes, and open their mouth so wide, you'd be tempted to compare them to something more carnal, something less refined. They won’t move, after that, until the songbird edges nearer, until it strays just a little too close, lingers for a little too long.

Then, the fox’s jaw will snap shut, and the songbird will be swallowed whole.

You could only envy the songbird. Yae preferred to let her victims bleed out, rather than let their suffering end so quickly.

Her mouth on your neck, her teeth buried in your jugular, making no effort not to break the skin, not to leave the bruises. You’d tried to send her away, at first, to tell her to leave, to do anything but let her touch you and violate the only rule Ei truly cared about, but she had so many tricks, so sweet words, and the final result had been predictable, if not predetermined; your hands bound to the headboard with a strip of fabric torn from your bedsheets, another fashioned into a makeshift gag, and her body on top of yours, her touch everywhere and nowhere at once.

She was straddling your waist, a knee planted on either side of your hips, her fingers currently skirting over your shoulders, edging the material of your loose robes downward, leaving more of you exposed, more of you vulnerable to her lips and fangs and tongue, as she laved the thin trail of blood dripping down to your chest, pooling above your collarbone. The texture was rougher than you expected it to be, more similar to a cat’s than another canine’s, prickly in a way that made you hyper-aware of her closeness, that forced you to shift uncomfortably underneath her. A grin served as her only response, then the feeling of her pointed teeth ghosting over soft flesh, a hint of pressure before—

The sound of a door opening, shortly followed by the hollow thud of heels against wood. Before you could blink, Yae was slotted against your side, her expression the pinnacle of innocence, and Ei was standing in front of the foot of your bed, staring down at you, something that might’ve been a smile or a scowl painted across her lips.

She broke the silence, first, predictably. Ever the idyllic Shogun, even after her most recent change of heart. “I don’t recall inviting you into my bedroom.”

“I wasn’t aware I required an invitation. Have we already rown so distant?” She melted into you, curling around your arm. You’d seen Ei lose her temper over fleeting touches, bare her teeth overly polite greetings, but she didn’t stiffen, didn’t glare, didn’t seem to pay Yae any mind at all. You might’ve been angry, if you hadn’t already been so well acquainted with her favoritism. “Perhaps you’ve been away for too long. You never used to receive my affection so coldly.”

A dry chuckle, a pointed glance to your bound wrists, to the material knotted behind your head, forced into your mouth. “I don’t think I was the one receiving much of anything, this time.”

“Ah, formalities! Do you see how she uses them to punish me?” A slight pause, a row of pointed nails buried in your bicep. You cried out, but the sound was stifled, shrill - so childish, it bordered on over-dramatic, even to your own ears. “She can be so mean when she wants to be, can’t she? We used to share everything, friends and secrets, enemies and lovers, and yet, she treats me so cruelly, now.” She flashed a slight smile towards Ei, more teasing than scornful. “And yet, she tried so hard to keep you from me. You have no idea how many guards I had to stow my way past to get here, how many times I had to risk my life to bring you and I together.”

That earned a dry chuckle, the faintest hint of an unspoken concession on Ei’s part. Slowly, carefully, she found her way to your unoccupied side, perching herself on the edge of the mattress and taking agonizing seconds to free your hands, to undo your gag, to let you string your arms around her neck and hide your face in her chest, fleeing an unknown, hostile force for one that you’d dealt with before. She didn’t push you away, didn’t force you back into Yae’s arms, but she didn’t reject Yae, either, when she leaned forward, pressing her chest into your back and propping her chin on your shoulder.

“Did she hurt you?”

Reluctantly, you shook your head. There was still blood drying on your chest, puncture wounds left in plain sight, but if she was choosing to ignore that, then you would honor her decision. You’d already learned not to point anything out to Ei that she might not want to see.

There was an airy exhale, in response, and another soft laugh from Yae before she spoke up, on your behalf. “You think so little of me.”

“This one is… delicate.” Her favorite way of describing you, along with fragile, impressionable, young, for how little her immortality had helped her to mature. “It’s why I hesitated to tell you. I know how you can be with mortals, and I’m partial to keeping this one in its current state.”

“Have I ever been reckless with your favorites?” Ei rolled her eyes, and Yae leaned in, wrapping her arms around your midriff, splaying her hands out over your stomach. “You know I’d never do any lasting damage. I can be gentle, when I absolutely have to be.” Her claws raked over your chest, threatening what little separated you from her. “I’ll be careful, make sure not to break any bone or split any veins or do anything that might put a dent on our fun. And, if the little darling starts to act up, I’ll let you know before I dull out any necessary discipline.”

You tensed, tightened your grip around Ei, forced yourself as close to her as you possibly could, but that only earned you a light hum, a kiss to the top of your head, the barest scraps of mercy before she nodded, looking past you, tearing herself out of your arms with little more than a shrug and a drop her strength. You tried to get up, to follow after her, but Yae held you back, held you down, kept you on the bed, nearly in her lap. You felt her mouth on her neck, her hands slipping underneath your clothes, her teeth, and then…

And then, the foxes jaw snapped shut, and the songbird was swallowed whole.

[headspace-hotel]

I would not be a “Radical Feminist” even if it didn’t just mean “thinks trans people are dangerous.”

Like obviously the transphobia and gender essentialism is a problem, but even without those things, I would never accept—or be accepted in—a community that finds womanhood to be the primary (if not the only) potentially traumatic, divisive, and decisive thing about my existence relative to others.

There is no better example of this than the topic of consent. I bring up the subject of how men’s consent needs to be respected, and TERF’s start going on to my post ranting about how women are the only ones exploited and violated and men’s consent is respected by default.

That is wrong. But even aside from it just being factually wrong, TERFs are seeing the issue of consent as a sub-division of the issue of womanhood, which completely disregards and ignores my (autistic) point of view on the subject—which is that we have a very pervasive cultural problem with consent and the importance of rules and boundaries surrounding the body and the right of individuals to make them.

As an autistic person, having my boundaries violated isn’t related only or primarily to sexual situations and sexually predatory men. The world is filled with scenarios where there is a socially acceptable “comfort zone” and autistic people are forced to conform to it even when it is violating and uncomfortable for them. An autistic person who finds eye contact to be overly intimate and uncomfortable is often not allowed to have that boundary, because it is not “normal.” Even if they are a man, this is the case. It is often the same with physical affection. Additionally, our world is designed around the presumption that things like haircuts and doctor’s appointments (or other things that involve a stranger being ‘in your space’) are only supposed to be distressing to a certain extent, an extent that everyone should be able to “get over” or deal with on everyone else’s terms.

The world we have values “normalcy” and compliance over consent.

I feel that the core assumption radical feminists have is that the world threatens me because I am a woman and that men are inherently unsafe to me whereas women are fundamentally safe. This assumption is only possible if you possess the privilege of being seen by other women as having more commonalities than differences. I have never understood the idea of feeling inherently safer around women. Women/girls have been, if anything, able to scrutinize and police me more intensely based on how I do not adequately perform whatever “normal” way I’m supposed to act.

“Radical feminists” (TERF’s) have tried to send me the ‘information’ that ‘converted’ them. In the past I have occasionally gone through their tags and seen what they are talking about. It baffles me how many of them gush about how accepting and wonderful the “radfem” community is. It is just a group of people who are relatively privileged enough to not be the object of one another’s hatred. Of course it feels accepting to them.

[hoetani]

| PERILOUS AFFECTION |

Relationship: King!Rindou Haitani x fem!Reader

Synopsis: After a successful invasion, Rindou finds himself in a strangers cave...wounded?

Warnings: fluff, lil angst, minor character death, small mention of blood, lil violence, mentions of illness, my bad writing lol (Guys it’s not that angsty I promise...I think)

Word count: 3.5k

Rindou’s eyes fly open, groaning as he scrambles to sit up from the makeshift bed. It’s dark, the ground is hard, uncomfortable even though there is a straw mat under him. He notices the stone walls dome above him, the cave is modest, bits and pieces scattered around, although it didn’t look like anyone had been dwelling here long.

Shadows dance along the ground as the chime of beads grow louder. Suddenly, you’re there, shoving him back down with one hand, holding a steaming bowl with the other.

“Do you know who I am?” He hisses as you aggressively uncover his wounds, holding a cloth at the ready.

“Haitani soldier scum,” you spit, “I know who you are.”

He’s stunned into silence, nobody ever talks to him like that. Even though you don’t seem to know his title, he feels you wouldn’t care much to change your attitude, even if you did. The reputation of his armed forces proceeds him, and although unpleasant, it presents the right message – not to trifle with them.

Pulling another bowl out of thin air, you tell him to sit up as you mix the hot herbal soup. He eyes it suspiciously, you don’t look like the type to poison him, then again he doesn’t know you.

“If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already,” you say as if reading his mind, blowing on the piping hot spoon as you gently bring it to his chapped lips. His mouth opens willingly as the soup pleasantly teases his taste buds.

“Then why did you save me if you hate me so much?” He asks after downing half the bowl.

“Because unlike you, I have a conscience.”

…

Confined to bed with nothing much to do, your words replay in his mind. The next time he sees you, he spouts, “I have a conscience.”

Eyeing him up and down, your eyebrow slowly arches, “You followed the king’s orders and fought with that village, disregarding the treaty. No man that disrespects the safety of people so easily has a conscience.”

“There were serious rumours the villagers were trying to cause an uproar.”

You scoff obnoxiously, “So not only does your king,” You spit the word like an insult, “violate peace treaties, he also listens to baseless rumours.”

The vein in Rindou’s head pulsed, hot and angry, “And how would you know they’re baseless?”

“Because I lived in that village. The only thing they were interested in, was living peacefully.”

Confusion shoots through him, all of the reports of violent and treasonous activity jumble around like a puzzle, after all that’s the only reason he decided to break the treaty – he wasn’t that cruel.

You angrily drop some flowers into a mortar, stabbing them unforgivingly with the stone pestle, “If I ever see that cowardly King, I’ll kill him myself.”

…

It’s early when you clip your cloak and grab your basket, rindou’s willing to bet the sun has just risen. Days usually play out like this, he’s rudely awakened at unforgivable hours from the insufferable noises you make as you prepare to leave.

“Where are you going?” He asks, his voice gravelly from just waking up.

“Some of us can’t afford to lounge around all day doing nothing,” you raise an eyebrow at him mockingly.

Without a word, he wraps up in his tunic and within the blink of an eye he’s next to you.

“Take me with you,” he says turning to look you in the face, he doesn’t realise how close you are until you let out a squeak.

“No way,” you splutter, pushing him away.

“I need some air,” he insists, watching your shoulders sag in defeat. Suddenly, you thrust two baskets into his grasp.

“Fine, but at least make yourself useful.”

Rindou doesn’t expect to spend the afternoon picking flowers. His basket is full with various greenery, some pretty, some ugly. At his persistence, every time you pick something you take the time to explain why.

“These are opium poppies,” you say as you place them into the basket, “If we dry these seed capsules, then we can use them as analgesics.”

He nods in acknowledgement as he scans the rest of the field, a bloom of pretty purple flowers catch his eyes and he suddenly thinks of you. He must have hit his head harder than he thought. Nevertheless, his hands itch to pick them for you. As he wanders closer, a hand outstretched to choose a few, you fly in out of nowhere and tackle him to the ground.

“What the hell?” He yells, startled. The dull throb of his chest where he was stuck makes him wince.

“No, you what the hell!” You shout back, straddling his waist, “That’s foxglove!”

His mind wanders back to his school days, the name sounding familiar as he tries to place where he heard it. To no avail, he repeats dumbly, “Foxglove?”

“It’s poisonous, don’t touch it,” you take a deep breath to calm down, running a hand through your hair, “Why were you trying to pick it anyway?”

He suddenly realises how close you are, sitting on top of him. Heat rushes to his face, there’s no place to escape, or even look away, your eyes keep his locked in. He grows nervous like a teenage boy, his palms growing sweaty against the grass.

“I was…picking them for you…”

Now it’s your turn to shy away. He watches you tilt your face in embarrassment

“I ah – appreciate it, but please don’t wander off again,” you mumble, “What good is me saving you, if you’re just going to die from a plant?”

Rindou smiles, he’s been scolded more in the three weeks you’ve been together, than he has in his whole life. With a command to ‘stay put’ he watches you finish your plant picking, the sight of your happiness strikes a strange chord within.

From the corner of his eye a streak of black flashes in the trees, so quick it’s gone in the twinkle of a star. Chalking it up to mind tricks, he shakes it off, but the strange feeling never leaves. It grows so uncomfortable that he ushers you back home.

…

Days of progress finally result with you in his arms. He’s sleeping like a baby, that is until you wiggle out of his hold. The low murmur of voices meet his ears as he sleepily watches you toe around the cave, gripping onto a scythe protectively as you head out of the cave’s mouth.

He almost demands you come back, sink into his hold and go back to sleep, but the severity of a situation unbeknownst to him, has him looking for his own fighting equipment. He finds his sword, unsheathing it – cursing at the noise – before following after you quietly.

You’re hiding at the entrance, listening to the abnormal voices. He holds his breath to listen too.

“Are you sure he’s still alive?” Someone says, the clinking of chain-mail grows more prominent, an indication they’re getting close.

“Yeah, someone saw him here a few days ago. Can’t believe he’s still not dead.”

“Well,” a sword draws, “That’s what we’re here for.”

“Long live the king,” the other mocks, they bustle in raucous laughter.

He winces at the title, trying to gauge your reaction from the entrance of the cave, this isn’t how he wanted you to find out. He notices the way your legs stiffen, your hands tightening around your weapon.

Without indication, you casually walk out into the clearing. Rindou, still hidden in the shadows but hot on your trail, watches from afar to make sure you’re okay.

“Can I help you?” You ask politely, something you’ve ever been to him.

The two soldiers glance at each other, “Maybe you can,” one of them smirks.

“Have you seen King Rindou? He’s been lurking around these woods.”

Rindou wants to scoff. Lurking? As if he’s a petty criminal and not a king. He holds onto his pride with weak hands. If he were to burst into a rage now, you may get hurt.

“I don’t think I have, but if I do, I’ll be sure to let you know,” you say curtly. You watch them like a hunter, registering their every movements and reacting to them.

“You live here alone?” One guard asks, gesturing at the cave.

You nod.

“Mind if we check it out?”

Rindou tenses from the shadows. Anticipation building as he waits for your answer. After finding out his real title he’s not sure if you’ll give him away, you don’t owe him anything after all.

“I’m afraid not.”

Your confidence makes Rindou’s heart relax as he watches your stance grow protective. As they pull out their swords, they sign off their lives. Before they even have a chance to raise their weapons, you weave between them swinging your blade with the beauty and grace of a dancer.

In a sickening slice, a head rolls across the once green grass. You turn to the other guard, a cheeky smirk pulling at your lips, “At least make this a little exciting.”

With a roar, the man charges forward and with a single dodge and elegant pivot you swing again, landing on target. You fiddle through his pockets, pulling out a shiny crest, the royal seal, meaning those were the royal guards.

As you bring the pendant closer to your face, engrossed in the intricacy of the markings, you don’t see the man emerging from behind the tree. Rindou pushes forward, but it’s too late, the sword permeates your skin before you drop. Before the guard can make it too far however, he ends him in a single blow.

In a flurry of frantic movements, he sets you down in his bed as you clutch your abdomen.

“So you’re the king,” you manage between ragged breaths, “You deceived me.”

Rindou’s not even listening, feverishly combing through your medicinal herb collection, the only thing on his mind right now is making sure you stay alive.

At a loss, unable to decide what to use he turns to you frantically, “Tell me what to do.”

You just stare at him blankly, blood seeping out of the gash he desperately needs to heal.

“Tell me what to do,” he shouts loudly, desperation getting the better of him.

Usually you’d spout a mouthful of distasteful insults for daring to speak to you that way, so it surprises him when you give in so easily.

“Give me some of the poppy milk we made the other day,” you murmur.

Right, the analgesic to help calm you down.

“I want a goldenrod and calendula patch.”

He picks up the herbs you picked the other day, grinding them in the mortar and pestle like you taught him to, turning them into a paste. He carefully slathers it across a leaf and packs it against the wound. Rindou works diligently, with shaking hands to press the patch onto your skin.

You grip his hands, grasping them tightly, “I’ll be okay, there’s no major damage.”

Holding you until you drift off to sleep, he decides to stay awake, opting to check that you’re breathing every ten minutes. Dread – a foreign feeling since the incident with his brother, makes itself home in his heart. As he watches your peacefully relaxed face, he can’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

…

Being quiet doesn’t suit your nature, and although being hurt takes some responsibility, he knows there’s something else eating away at you.

“Didn’t you say you’d kill me if you ever saw me?” He asks, trying to inject some humour into the tense atmosphere.

You don’t respond, staring impassively at the ground, “You saved my life, so I can’t kill you. But you are healed, so I think you should leave.”

Your words cause a pang of pain to strike straight through his heart.

“You’re not even remotely better,” he argues, as he finished tidying your medicinal jars away, an interesting past time to say the least.

“I can take care of myself, been doing it for years.”

“I’m not leaving you like this.”

“I don’t want you here,” your eyebrows scrunch, “And don’t look at me like that, you know very well what you did.”

He looks down at his hands, a feeling of shame washes over, creeping up on him, “I know.”

“Do you know how many lives are ruined because of your cowardice?”

“I know!” He shouts, “It’s the only thing I’ve been thinking of since I got here.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“I received floods of reports about them, I had to do something but I should have handled it differently.” The sincerity in his voice is shocking even as remorse soaks through him. It’s confusing, he does this sort of thing all the time, why is it different now?

He does something he hasn’t done since he was young, he apologises, “I’m sorry about your village.”

“Sorry is great, but it doesn’t bring it back.”

“You’re right,” he agrees, silently vowing to help build your village from the ground up with his bare hands. He’ll do it alone if you want him to, anything for him to see that pretty smile back on your face.

…

You’ve been resting for days, still sluggish but happily recovering. It also took a few days to become comfortable in his presence again. Between swapping out your ointments, Rindou goes on regular lookouts to make sure nobody else decides to pay a surprise visit.

“Tell me something,” you murmur up at him sleepily.

“Like what?” He asks, caught off guard, as he tucks you into the straw bed.

You untangle from the sheet and pull him into your side, burrowing into his warmth, “A story.”

“What kind?”

“Surprise me.”

He sighs into your hair, the smell of fresh grass causing him great comfort, as he delves into his deepest memory.

“It starts with two young brothers, inseparable since birth…”

“Rindou, stop running! And Ran, set a better example for your brother!”

Two brothers entwined at birth and only comforted in the others presence. Ran was destined to be king, to rule over the lands and bring victory to them all, Rindou decided he wanted to help his brother by becoming the strongest warrior, to help him with his dream of victory.

Nights spend playing games of kings and battles, days spent learning the skills necessary for young princes. All of the excitement, however sunk down the drain when Rindou heard the news from his mother.

“Ran can’t play today, he’s not feeling good.”

Shrugging it off, he visited again the next day.

“Ran isn’t better yet.”

A determinedly easy illness of sweating and wheezing morphed into something more deadly. After visiting his chambers in secret, he saw the pain on his beloved brothers face, the constant retching and accompanying tiredness. Fear gripped Rindou’s entire being, he never visited him again, too scared to see his strong brother in such a state, scared to see him take his last breaths.

When Ran reached a stage of delirium, it was too late. Containing him was becoming too hard, all he  ever did was flail around, trying to escape.

The news his mother delivered to him, one chilly morning was devastating. She encased him in her embrace as she told him.

“Your brother has passed.”

He dissolved into tears, crying in her arms for days, mourning his brother, best friend, protector. It was then he resolved to become the toughest king in history, in honour of Ran.

Even to this day, the story leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He feels you clutch onto him tighter, appeasing his haunting thoughts. You’re like an angel, battling away the horrific parts of him.

“Sounds like water hemlock poisoning,” you murmur into his chest in a half-sleep daze.

He’s surprised you’re still conscious, but your words run rampant. Everything Rindou knows is torn apart and now he has to reassemble the pieces. Ran’s death had been ruled a mystery, one that would never be solved. It was just one of those things in life. But while you sleep soundly on his chest, his mind wanders to the past as he thinks back to his lively brother, body filling with rage at the possibility of someone harming him.

…

Unexpectedly, everything clicks together. Without a second thought, he rushes to get ready, hobbling around as he tries to gather his belongings.

His ears perk at the sound of your light footsteps, your sweet smile slowly dissipates as you regard him, half-dressed in his battle leathers

“What are you doing?” You ask hesitantly, unsure you want to know the answer.

“I need to go back.”

“I know.”

He knew from the beginning this is how it would end, so why did his heart twinge with guilt at the sadness seeping into your eyes. He’s grown accustomed to the little shack, the open air – freedom. But now it’s time for him to step up, he’s healed and he has responsibilities to fulfil.

Suddenly you’re in front of him, a tentative hand reaching out to rest on the apple of his cheek. He sinks into it, etching every moment into his memory.

“Come with me.”

“I don’t belong there,” you sigh.

And he knows you’re right. You’re too pure for that place filled with deviants he calls home, but he’s selfish and his attachment for you has grown to unimaginable levels.

He wants to protest when your warmth leaves, watching as you reach for the green encrusted jewel necklace that always lay on your chest. Pulling at the chain, you smile sadly as you tie it around his neck – a token of your affections. Leaving a gentle kiss on his cheek, you whisper, “Stay safe.”

“I’ll come back for you,” he promises, vowing to fulfill it even if on the brink of death.

The smile you give him is radiant, stunning him, “I’ll be waiting.”

As he leaves, he thinks of the joy you’ve shown him, introducing him to a whole new world, and for that, he’ll never be able to repay you. Although hard, right now he has more pressing matters to take care of, it takes every ounce of strength for him not to look back – because if he does, he’ll fall back into your arms.

…

When he finally enters the doors of the castle, a deadly silence ensues. He doesn’t bother waiting for anyone as he flits up to his advisers quarters.

“Minato!” He shouts, the edge in his voice bounces off the walls.

As he progresses down the hall, flinging the doors open only to find the rooms empty, his head pounds painfully. Turning to the guard on duty he all but snarls, “Where is he?”

“He left a few days ago on urgent business.”

Under any other circumstances, the crack in the guards voice would have made him chuckle.

“Find him and bring him to me,” he orders, “And tell the others to search his rooms for anything he left behind.”

The guard nods quickly, scurrying off. Closing his eyes to find some semblance of peace, Rindou wishes you were there to calm him down, to quell the raging headache onset and smooth out the creases on his forehead.

He thinks back to how the conniving bastard would even know he’s looking for him, his mind wanders back to the night in the forest – no. He frantically runs a hand through his dishevelled hair, Minato wouldn’t know anything unless, there was another man on the day of the attack who managed to escape. His mind immediately skips to you.

The warm thoughts of affection twist into those of anguish.

Running back out of the castle, he grabs a horse, streaming down the paths and back into the forest. Please. He almost jumps off the furry beast when he nears the cave, his steps thundering against the grass.

Panting, he looks around, subconsciously clutching the emerald jewel you gave him. The safe haven where he’d met an angel is wrecked, the only remnants of your presence, a shattered jar on the ground and a toppled bag full with supplies – where you going somewhere? His heart pounds in his chest as he tries to justify your absence. But then he sees your scythe, bloodied on the ground, red splatters decorating the once clean space.

He’s no longer a little boy like when his brother died, yet he feels just as helpless. Your death will lay heavy on his shoulders until his time comes.

As he stares at the ground, the unbearable pain turns into something more sinister, it twists inside him until he feels renewed with a sense of vengeance. Bright violet rage strikes as a fist cracks against the ground.

He will pay.