#do these people think it’ll make them more interesting if they diagnose themselves with a pathology

[arjunash]

Mental Disordered Explained in an Interesting Way

So this other day one of my good friends, a doctor whose also writing a book on mental health awareness, asked me to write an interesting easy to understand summary of these 3 mental disorders to which his audience (which includes little children too) could understand well and would help them develop some interest in his boring book. J/k (or maybe not)

So im posting it before i’m accused of plagirism for my own content, bummer!!

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Do you know, Leonardo Da Vinci, Justin Timberlake, and Bill Gates, these extremely successful personalities have 1 thing in common! Well, besides being famous they all are diagnosed with some levels of ADHD. An Attention Deficit or Hyperactivity Disorder.

Now this suddenly feels like a disorder of fortune, right?. Well let’s Suppose you were diagnosed with ADHD as the first half of the name suggests ‘Attention Deficit’ you’d find it extremely difficult to focus on your tasks where you could be easily distracted, make mistakes frequently and have a hard time to just follow through with some basic instructions.

It’s just you’d need to give your all to do a task that would feel like a piece of cake to an average person. Doesn’t feel like a disorder of fortune now, does it!

Now as far as the next half goes, as the name suggests Hyper Activity, It looks something like shaking of that foot or that hand of yours too damn often that urge to do it so often for no reason, or your inability to stay seated, just that feeling of restlessness where you can’t be comfortable being still.

Now add extreme impulsive behavior on top of that. Imagine having a healthy conversation with your friends except you’re not the one to be associated with the word ‘healthy’. You’re unable to wait on your turn to speak so you’re obviously interrupting others which can make you seem pretty annoying plus your actions have no thoughts whatsoever associated with it, you’re just doing everything without giving it a thought even.

Anorexia

“Ever tried the ‘Anorexic Diet’? It’s the one where you try to lose weight by spending all your money on food you can’t afford!”

Well, imagine waking up one day only to find yourself so conscious about your body weight that no matter how many times you might look in the mirror it’ll always feel like you need to shred those extra pounds. Getting so obsessed with fear of gaining weight that you’d restrict yourself from eating any more to the point of starvation.

You’ll feel the obvious symptoms associated with very less or no food intake such as extreme weight loss, you’ll begin to feel dizzy throughout the day, you’ll begin fainting here and the females with this extreme diet disorder can face irregular menstruation. Develop a yeast infection on top of that and you’ll be officially called a ‘Quarter Pounder Cheese’.

So what about its cure? Well, if you thought that would be a ‘ piece of Cake’ well, no it’s not, not totally!

Schizophrenia

If someone you know is seeing things that just aren’t supposed to be there like if your friend named ‘Billy’ told you he’s is training with Goku from DBZ or Naruto was here to motivate them with his Talk-No-Justsu, chances are they are hallucinating (seeing or hearing things that aren’t there) which is one of the symptom of Schizophrenia.

And if they are behaving a lot strangely lately (way above their normal behavior) like laughing apparently for no reason at all (even without listening to your bad jokes) or talking to themselves because they think they are the only important person or the only person in the room of a dozen people. Chances are they definitely have Schizophrenia.

Let’s say your friend does have these it’d be very difficult for them to follow their day to day activities and have a high chance of losing their job, relationship and even self care will be out of the options.

It’s exact reason is like the Da Vinci Code, it’s a mystery not solved yet, but schizophrenia develops mostly in the teenage years or can be in your later years as far as the research suggests and some of the reasons studies did find was Environmental and neurological factors like growing up in a toxic family under the care of the most careless individuals out there. It’s not proven but doctors have taken a hard guess here.

And if your friend ‘Billy’ does have schizophrenia it doesn’t mean the end of the line for them, with proper medication, your support and professional therapy, he too can live a normal life.

To Conclude

Well, here you go folks, now you have all the basic info you need to have an understanding of these mental disorders. But along with our knowledge of these what’s also essential is the care we need to provide to the people suffering from such problems. The people suffering from these disorders need special care and a soft environment to help them feel connected to the world and the people around them.

So just like us they too could grow and achieve all the things in life they deserve!

Humor

Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

Yeah the Loki finale was meh/disappointing it doesn’t even feel like a Loki show anymore. I swear you could swap him with another character and the story would barely change.

Hi, anon! I'll put thoughts under a cut since idk who all has seen the Loki show yet.

Tbh, Loki is my favorite character from the MCU. I have waited for YEARS for this character to have an actual spotlight...

And I really wanted to like this show, I really did. Like, I legit wanted to just turn off my brain and enjoy everything?

But yeah, your message resonates with me. There were things I liked about the show, but once I got over the cool CGI and angst and female gaze, it just...feels like Loki got sidelined in his own story? The focus hadn't been about him specifically since episode 1. It instead shifted to Sylvie, who is different enough from Loki that she might as well have been Hawkeye still on his Endgame rampage for justice. And it was Sylvie's problems and Sylvie's motivations that drove the story. Which, you know, were interesting in their own way but not what I was expecting from a Loki show. A lot of scenes were just Sylvie running around and Loki somewhat helplessly following along in a daze that this is what his life has become. He was just ultimately a very passive character in someone else's story...because as the finale clearly showed, his core issues that needed to be worked out weren't in alignment with her own.

So it's sad to me that the show opened up by saying that Loki's destiny was always to function as a dead-end catalyst for other people's character development/journeys. And in the end, that's...exactly what Loki became for all the other characters in this show. ;A; And I'm not sure what they have going on for s2, but I fear he'll just play second-fiddle to Dr. Strange at this point.

I have other issues with the show as well....

___

I felt like they also massively declawed him? Ignoring the comics entirely (where he's even more badass) and looking just at the movies: He survived a Hulk smack-down, could toss humans like they were nothing, could travel between worlds through a variety of means, could already see into people's minds/memories and cast illusions and even change his form, and yet somehow all of this got retconned to make him a less powerful sorcerer compared to his Variants.

I remember this guy being actually dangerous and physically capable, which is why they locked him up. Loki used to have Avenger-level capabilities and strength. But now, he can't hardly fight off a human, and his defense skills are relegated to basic hand-to-hand combat and a dagger. The show even makes fun of his abilities and calls him a pussycat and turns him into a tie-wearing analyst...But I suppose that's in line with the general downgrade of his abilities in recent MCU movies...

___

And if being a sidekick in his own show and having his abilities retconned wasn't enough, I feel like the show failed to convince me that it really understood and is working to grow Loki's character.

The underlying issue that the show calls out as Loki's ultimate weakness is that he's "afraid of being alone," and that this feeds a narcissism complex. But this doesn't really make sense to me? Because he didn't grow up alone or unwanted. He had a mother (Frigga) who loved him deeply and taught him magic. He clearly made it into adulthood believing that Odin was his father, who certainly wasn't absent. He was always on adventures with his brother. He had clearly tried to build a reputation for himself that was differentiated from his brother's (the Silvertongue). This goes against how narcissists don't really have a personality of their own because they just absorb other people's mannerisms to fit in...So like, idk about parsing out the details of narcissism as a clinical diagnosis because I'm not a psychologist, but something feels a little odd here to me? Like, it's more than just...fear of being alone that drives Loki to be destructive? The loneliness is only a symptom??

The problem based off the early movies, providing that I'm not entirely an idiot in listening (which I suppose I could be), was that he was always in Thor's shadow and was never considered an equal, someone worthy of respect despite their differences. Even in the 2009 movie, his peers belittled his title as a Silvertongue and his love for magic. Discovering that he was actually an unwanted frost giant just twisted that knife in deeper and set him on a self-destruct path, once and for all. And it's really interesting to me that throughout this show, people are still constantly trying to establish themselves as alpha over Loki and make jabs about him as worthless and weak. And he's just desperate enough for validation to still try bonding with them the instant anyone tosses a bone of mild curiosity at him.

The fact that he's still positioned as less valuable and less respected than Sylvie, and that even Sylvie herself ultimately usurps equality in their relationship/partnership to enforce her will is just...depressing.

And for all this discussion about Loki changing/redeeming himself, at the end of the day, his perspective hasn't really changed? He still identifies himself as untrustworthy, even though he careens as a desperate lap dog for Mobius' approval and then Sylvie's once she gives him an ounce of attention. He has difficulty with accepting the value of a life, especially in regard to his own life. For example, he was still willing to consider upholding the death of future untold numbers via pruning despite being such a victim himself. And that's not a slam to his worry about a worse alternative, which is probably valid, but it's still weird that he does not believe he could contribute to a powerful resistance group capable of taking out multiple variations of one human man.

It's even weirder that he still seems to be caught in a tailspin regarding "necessary dictatorship," even though Loki is supposed to be a Silvertongue and could have won He Who Remains over as an ally against the other Variants of He Who Remains, thereby dismantling the TVA and freeing the multiverse. But unfortunately, he still can't see beyond two binary roads (mass chaos vs. subjugation). He has totally lost his confidence and identity as a Silvertongue. He can't see an alternative option despite supposedly being a Master Strategist, and that's echoed in how his initial thought to defeat Alioth was to kill it in a very Thor-ish, Asgardian way.

And because he has accepted the show's narrative that he is not capable or worthy of respect for his own unique talents, he openly just..accepts the concept that he's not meant to mean anything to anyone but himself ("I just want you to be okay") or do actually anything meaningful with his abilities. This probably underscores why he is so incapable of using his full powers for a Chaotic Good.

And for one final jab of hopelessness, the show immediately reverses the one (1) other mildly positive relationship he had just started to build via Mobius, solidifying that once again, Loki is not allowed to have friends. Loki is not allowed to have equals. Loki is not allowed to be respected. Which is probably why even when he's surrounded by other people, that's why he still feels alone.

I'm just sort of dead that for all the time the show spent on diagnosing Loki, it never got deep enough to ask why he feels alone.

Conclusion

So idk, the show just kinda depressed me tbh. I don't want to be this critical??? They have really great actors, interesting concepts, and clearly a strong CGI department. Again, not sure I could do better, so I recognize I'm playing armchair critic here. Maybe it'll get better in s2. I really want this show to prove me wrong and move Loki into a level of character development where he can like, actually have purpose in his own title show beyond serving as second-fiddle to other people in other people's self-discovery journeys.

Like please, just let him realize that he can have a positive, meaningful purpose. And that whatever his purpose is, that he is Enough just as he is, and that he can contribute meaningful things to others and be fully worthy of respect. And I think once that clicks with Loki, we'll see him really grow into something phenomenal. Something truly formidable, even if that character doesn't sit on a throne....

It's possible the show could go there? But I'm just a little leery that it's not really a show about Loki....

[system-of-a-feather]

“I would know if you had DID” “People with real DID should be in a mental hospital” “People with DID would obviously be so crippled that they couldnt do XYZ”

I just wanted to say like, I’m professionally diagnosed with DID. I actually have a pretty “cliche” diagnosis of going into it with really bad anxiety, OCD, and depression that later turned into C-PTSD - but dissociation has apparently always been huge and what was actually alters and similar, I was distressed because “I can’t trust or rely on anything I say to be true because I keep doing opposite of what I believe in and keep doing things I don’t want to or like and I don’t know what's real anymore” and severe dissociation

I’ve struggled with the idea of faking and really coming to terms that I really do have DID, but I am really not faking this and I am in active treatment for it. I’m saying this out the gate because if anyone comes across it that might think otherwise might want to argue my validity as being diagnosed or whatever and if you wanna do that, go right ahead but like

I’m open about my diagnosis for the most part. I’m VERY open to starting up mental health conversations with people I am around because I know too many are silent and I’ve noticed people tend to jump at the opportunity to talk to someone who isn’t scared of the topic and I just love to have it be an open free discussion point. Just as much as I am willing to tell someone I struggle with anxiety or depression, I mention my PTSD, OCD, and DID diagnosis as well.

As a result, I have told a lot of my co-workers and classmates “Hey yeah I have DID” after knowing them for a bit. Its not a big deal for me - the other alters in the system might not announce themselves, but I let it be generally known a lot of the time.

I have probably told like, 20 or so people who regularly see me for one reason or the next after they’ve been put in the friendly acquaintance, and I don’t think a single one has been like “Oh I totally expected that” - most either go “Oh hey that’s interesting”, don’t really bother about it, or go “wait you have it??? I would have never guessed!!!” because it *really* isn’t something that is obvious

And yes it makes my life a lot more difficult and there are a lot of things I have to do in my personal life to navigate it better, but to someone that doesn’t see me living at home and sees me for short snap shots, the likliness that it’ll be obvious enough that it won’t be written off as a “rough day” or a “mood swing” or “just being tired / particularly energized” - its very very very rare.

It’s a typically covert disorder for a reason.

Of course we are a covert system and some systems are overt and some alters would likely be a lot more obvious than others so it isn’t to say that if people do notice before you tell them that you are faking, but just like, a lot of people assume DID is this HORRIBLE DRAMATIC disorder that has all these theatrics and stuff cause of media but really its like... not really

Like most of the time there is some sense of curiosity, awe or questions about it and thats all cool, I don’t mind bringing the concept to the front doors of people - particularly those that plan to go into the field - but one of the things I always say to people that haven’t encountered DID in their life before is “It really isn’t half as dramatic as you think it is”

Just like anyone else, people with DID can still have jobs, successful careers, handle school, drive, make friends, have relationships, anything that any “normal” people could have in their life people with DID can have to. Might you have to go through more loops and make more plans and work around things? Yeah sure. We study / learn different. We have to manage our driving different. Our relationships are inherently different and a lot of life decisions are make as a collective, but people with DID are still people. It’s possible to live a “normal” life that most people would agree is normal, it just might take more loops to work through than others.

But I dunno, that is just kind of a ramble I had after thinking about how I was talking about it with a co-worker a few days ago.

It really isn’t half as dramatic as people who aren’t dealing with it regularly would assume it to be.

[thehollowprince]

The way Mason Hewitt gets utterly erased by fandom, replaced by Theo to be Liam's friend and anchor. And I think one reason he's left out of fic so much is because as we've discussed he is basically Fanon!Stiles. And to have him around in a story with Fanon!Stiles would look suspicious because... they're the same, except Stiles is actually nothing like fanon. And they'd rather *die* than portray intimate scenes with Mason because they find Black people disgusting to be frank (pt. 1)

and I've seen it in every fandom. They gush about loving ~the gays~ but ignore canon gay/bi boys, esp if they're PoC. And it's all about straight yt boys boning, and what they get off on. And because they don't find Black or Brown ppl attractive, they get no love scenes. Mason was openly thirsting for Brett, but fandom was silent because "eww, canon Black gay expressing lust healthily?" And this is what we mean when white fangirls fetishize gay/bi male ships/dynamics (pt. 2)

And I touched on that yt fangirls will misappropriate progressive language when it suits their agenda. Like dismissing Scott as a "cishet yt boy" yet worshipping Stiles + Derek. And they often try to make that worship seem progressive by claiming Stiles or Derek are nonwhite/Jewish, or claiming werewolves are a allegorical oppressed group (no) yet ignore Scott is Brown *PLUS* he's a werewolf too, so they claim he's an intruder on ~werewolf culture~ and a colonizer (final)

You are not wrong in any aspect.

We've talked ad nauseam about the appropriation of mlm sexuality and giving it to the straight, white characters. And as you said, its almost exclusively the white fangirls who get off to two guys together rather in the same way that straight men get odd to lesbian porn. The fact that they don't see that they're just doing the very same thing that they hate men for doing is... well, sad is the first word that pops into my mind.

I know you don't watch any of the SKAM shows, but I experienced a similar problem over there. By far the most popular storyline across any of the remakes is the season three story, that being a closeted gay man coming to terms with his sexuality and embracing it rather than trying to suppress it. But the thing is, if you actually go through the tags, that's not the sense you get at all. Most of the people that watch these shows, or at the very least the ones who are the most vocal in the tags, are only focused on the romance in the story.

They didn't care the actual struggles of being in the closet and the journey that character has to go on to accept themselves. They just wanted to see two boys kissing. That became very apparent during the last remake to do that story, WTFOCK. They changed up the timeline and didn't introduce the love interest until the third episode, and those three weeks were just filled with constant complaints. This was further compounded when we saw the main character, Robbe, do what a lot of closeted young people do, and he tried to have a relationship with a girl, hoping that it would "make him normal". The tags were littered with homophobic jokes about how Robbe was "secretly straight" and it was extremely disheartening, especially from the fandom of a show that preached acceptance.

And you can't call them out on this behavior. I did and half the fandom blocked me because I, an actual gay man, wouldn't let a bunch of horny fangirls be the voice of a gay man's struggle. I was also bugged down with anons (similar to the one that's haunting my inbox right now) claiming that the reason they were so keen on the love interest showing up was because he was a "healthy representation of mental illness". Of course, they then went about proving how much they didn't actually care about that by spending the entire season trying to diagnose Sander at every opportunity, but the romanticizing of mental illness is another matter entirely.

To circle back to the point, we were given actual, healthy mlm representation on Teen Wolf, but fandom outright ignores it in favor of focusing on a non-existent relationship that was based entirely on negative stereotypes. But that's the crux of the matter, isn't it? They don't care how their behavior actually affects gay and bisexual men, so long as they get their own sexual satisfaction. You point out how having an adult and a minor in a relationship just reinforces the predatory gay pedophile stereotype that the Christian Far Right have tried to categorize us as for decades (if not longer) and they cry "it's just fiction!" But these same people talk about the stigma of unhealthy body types for women because the girls of these shows are skinny and petite while able to run marathons and fight of almost anything.

This is never more prominent than when they continously call for more LGBT representation, always mlm and never wlw, and then go out of their way to ignore that representation because it wasn't what they wanted (ie. completely thowing out their stories for Stiles and Derek and devoting everything to making them a couple, often at the expense of everything else.)

The term double-standards clearly means nothing to them.

And we could shout until our voices are gone about the racism in this fandom, but those who perpetuate it don't care enough to listen. They don't want to hear how them going out of their way to erase or put down Scott, the Latino lead of the show, at every opportunity is racist. They don't want to hear how them taking all of Scott's most prominent attributes (his compassion and loyalty and persistence) and giving them to Stiles to make him more palatable is racist. They don't want to hear how them completely ignoring the canon gay characters, who are also characters of color, in favor of taking straight characters and "turning them gay" is not only racist but homophobic.

They don't want to hear any of that. They want to live in their little fantasy world where everyone recognizes their genius and that they right all along. The real kicker is that I'd be more than happy to leave them alone in their own little world, but they refuse to be put out to pasture, hence the reason Athena is still jumping on pro-Scott posts, or that someone posted anti Scott content in the Scott McCall tag, or the ever present anon. They refuse to leave us alone so we have to rehash these same arguments over and over in the futile hopes that maybe this time it'll stick.

[radicalposture]

Hey, so were you diagnosed with autism/adhd as an adult? If you don't mind me asking, was that difficult to achieve? I'm 25, and I've often thought I might have adhd, but I've held off on looking into it because I hear it's extremely difficult and expensive to get it tested and diagnosed as an adult.

yes I only got diagnosed last october, I was 25 then too! it was kind of a weird journey for me, all of my siblings and my dad got diagnosed with autism or adhd one after the other and I was still saying “but I can’t really be autistic/adhd” right up until I actually got diagnosed lol. but since then my whole life suddenly makes sense for the first time and I really think things are gonna be ok! this applies to autism/adhd/other neurodiverse stuff but autism and adhd is what I know, but I hope it applies broadly as well

so unfortunately yes, it can be pretty expensive to get through the whole process. depends on where you live of course, I live in Ireland so even though we do have public healthcare I would probably have been on a waiting list for upwards of two years to see a terrible psychologist who didn’t know anything about adhd/autism so I went to a private psychologist. I already knew her pretty well bc my siblings had been to her and I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt comfortable with her. seeing her cost me around €900 which is definitely a lot, different psychologists have different rates but the price can go up depending on what tests u get done. the more tests you do the more expensive it will be as a general rule (at the same time I saw a different psychologist who had a lower flat rate so idk what the “rules” are about this tbh) I got a standard assessment as well as autism and adhd tests which is why it was so expensive. it used up pretty much all my savings lmao but after getting a diagnosis I was able to apply for disability allowance (which was a hellish process) and I got rejected and had to appeal the decision but I got it in the end, which is fortunate bc I quit my job lol.

recently I wanted to look into medication so I had to go to a psychiatrist because you can’t get a prescription for stimulant medication from a gp in most countries I think? BUT he’d only see me if I got rediagnosed by his psychologist, so that was another €300 for each of them. I did get prescribed ritalin in the end but I’ll have to get the prescription refilled a few times a year bc it’s a restricted medication, which will mean paying €100 ish for each time I do. fortunately I don’t actually have to pay for the medication itself bc I have a medical card.

so yes, it can be expensive! all told it’s cost me almost €2000 to get it all sorted and will keep costing me maybe €300 a year from now on, so it’s definitely something you have to budget for. especially depending on where you live, I imagine things are v different from country to country. also I’m very fortunate bc I still live with my family so I’m free of some financial pressure and I’d been saving for it for a while but I know how hard it is to countenance paying out that kind of money, and wondering whether it’s worth it.

as to whether it’s difficult to achieve I think you’ve got to break it down because official diagnosis is only part of it. so if you think you do have ADHD I’d look at it from a couple of different angles:

1. self acceptance/understanding is absolutely the most important thing. I know people who’ve never been to a psych who know they’re autistic/adhd and really flourish, I also know people who have official diagnoses but who won’t accept it themselves and reject help/support and they’re making things so hard for themselves. so the most important thing is to educate yourself about what adhd means and, more importantly, what it means for you. everyone’s brain is different and understanding exactly how your brain works and why you think/behave the way you do is the most important thing you can do. there are a lot of resources out there, especially online, - I’ll put a link to a google drive of books and things I have at the bottom - and it can be good to connect with others online as well. having people who Get It and can help you is really paramount, I know often our irl families/friends can sometimes let us down so sometimes the only support you can get is from following ppl on twitter or something. the adhd subreddit is weirdly helpful and supportive, it’s great to be able to throw out a question like “I think like this am I insane y/n” and have other people go “nah ur fine” it’s very validating (also validation/external perspectives is super important for adhd bc we can be extremely bad at self assessment). so yes, the most important thing is firstly to know thyself by 1) educating yourself and 2) listening/connecting with others like u.

2. is it important to have an “official” diagnosis? no and yes. obviously you don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to know what you are, and 70% of the things needed to help you flourish are going to come from your own research and the support systems you make. and if you cant afford or access a psychologist or psychiatrist it doesn’t make it any less real or bar you from educating yourself/accessing resources etc. HOWEVER. if you can get a good diagnosis then I really would go for it, bc: 1) it opens a LOT of doors to official resources, whether that’s access to welfare, supports and accommodations at school or college, medication, etc etc. a lot of the time the supports we need are behind this diagnostic paywall, which sucks but it is what it is :/ so that’s one consideration. 2) it can be really validating and help set your mind at ease about whether you “really” have adhd or if you’re “faking”. like I said I didn’t believe that I was “allowed” to be autistic before I got diagnosed. I also didn’t consider that I might have adhd, I went in thinking I’d just get the autism diagnosis so it wasn’t something I would have found out on my own probably. so it can be good to get an outside opinion, especially as, like I said, we can be really bad at self assessment. 3) it feels good to know you have a piece of paper to throw at rude family members/teachers/doctors who don’t believe it’s real 4) if you can find a good psychiatrist/psychologist it can be such a good thing to have that support and to get genuinely good advice from a professional you trust. doesn’t always happen but if u can find one it’s a godsend

wow this got long. to summarise, if you think you have adhd or anything else I would

research and educate yourself. for adhd probably the best thing to do is read driven to distraction and delivered from distraction, written by two psychiatrists who are adhd themselves. they’re both in this google drive along with loads of other resources I’ve collected, there’s also books about autism as well. as a disclaimer not everything/everyone here has my 100% endorsement some of it is there for academic/historical interest or only parts are helpful but by and large it’s useful. also watch this video and feel Seen

look for a good psychologist/psychiatrist if you’re going for a diagnosis. see if there’s an adhd organisation in your country/area and if they can recommend anyone. a lot of the time you’re better going to a child/educational psychologist who’ll see adult clients as they tend to Get It more. do look for someone who is clear about having experience in adult adhd bc unfortunately even qualified psychologists get a LOT wrong so make sure you get someone who knows what they’re doing before you give them your money

yes it can be really expensive. but if you’re needing to access things like medication or welfare I think it’s well worth the trouble and the money. my sister got diagnosed in her second year of college and was able to save her degree bc of extensions on projects and things like that (I didn’t get diagnosed until after college and spent four years torturing myself I WISH I had known) and it can be something that’s better done sooner rather than later. So if it’s something you can do without putting yourself in financial danger I think it’s good to bite the bullet and go for it. like I used up basically all my savings BUT I now can access disability payments and medication so it was worth it for me. it’ll be different for everyone so use your judgement obviously

anyway hope this helped! let me know if you need anything else! and good luck on your journey

[of-wrens-and-whirlwinds-blog]

Shadows

A commission for my sister that took way too long alskdhg anyway I hope you like it Sissy!!!! Commission info is here!

~

There’s too many shadows in this apartment.

Kim is used to shadows. Has been seeing them all her life. She’s never been formally diagnosed, but she’s pretty sure she has some form of psychosis. She sees what the cat sees. She sees things the cat does not. She hears voices that aren’t there, and has had more than one panic attack thinking that there’s someone in the house but she can’t find them.

So it’s not the shadows themselves that cause a problem. It’s the way they move.

The shadow the tv casts is always the same shapes and lengths throughout the day, unless she has a lamp on. Except sometimes the shadow with be opposite where it’s supposed to be, or it’ll be wider, darkening the edges of the tiny, musty living room.

Taking photos on her cellphone helps sometimes. Sometimes it does not.

The shadows in the kitchen in the morning are becoming as familiar as the shape of her own hands. Except there are shadows roughly the size and shape of mice with too-long limbs scuttling around, silent but startling. Too fast to take pictures of.

The bathroom is safe. There are no shadows in the bathroom that do not lie quiet and still. Too still. She does not shower after the sun sets.

But for all that this place feels unsafe, Kim lives here on her own, away from her transphobic family, away from fair-weather friends—alone, comfortably alone.

Except for the shadows.

~

The whispers start about two months into her living there. She ignores them, shivering. There is absolutely no one in her apartment besides herself, she tells herself fiercely. Even when a voice grumbles about the couch being uncomfortable right in her ear, she just closes her eyes and focuses on her tv show.

Smells begin wafting around, and that terrifies her greatly. This gloomy, airless apartment has always had pockets of mildew-smells and stale air—but now sometimes Kim will shiver at a cold draft, then realize the draft smells like blood. Her neighbor down the hall is Vietnamese and is always cooking something interesting, utterly unlike the American garbage Kim makes, but these smells are not pungent; they are subtle, and make her gag. Blood. Rotting flesh. She hears flies in the bathroom, grabs a flyswatter, goes to the bathroom, and has to run away again, choking from the billow of manure and rot.

It all comes to a head the day the walls bleed.

The neighbors downstairs are screaming at each other again. Kim has been trying to unclog her kitchen sink for three hours, and the shadow mice have been watching her with evil red eyes. The paranoia is digging into her back, and she can barely breathe from the stench of rot. Finally, she puts the plunger down and goes to her room, whimpering, wavering, turning sharply with every step to make sure nothing is following her. She goes to her bed, starts to fall on to it—but her head turns, and she sees blood dripping down the wall across from her wall. The wallpaper has torn, and the board behind it is sweating blood.

Kim screams, and scrambles out of the room, heading for the door—but there are shadows in ever corner of the apartment, staring at her with accusing red eyes, and she screams again, because at least when she’s screaming the whispers aren’t as loud—except they are, they are, and as hard as she tries to shut her eyes, they stay open, looking around wildly, as she falls to the ground sobbing, curling up tightly and cowering from the shadow that looms over her, breathing fetid blood in her face, as she stares up in utter terror and can’t breathe from the fear.

They can’t hurt you, the shadow hisses, and Kim sobs. This is OUR place. They cannot hurt you in our place.

Kim tries to scream again, but the shadow touches her cheek, and the world goes dark.

~

She wakes in bed, fully clothed and tucked in. The stench of blood is gone. The walls are whole.

She cries in relief, and hysterics. But when she is calmer, she decides she might as well finish plunging the drain. Shakily, she stands, and stumbles out of the room and down the hall.

The plunger is right where she left it. But the tap is on full blast, and the pipes apparently aren’t clogged anymore.

~

The hallucinations remain. The mice-things skitter, and the evil hissing whispers remain, and the shadows terrify her: but sometimes, other shadows will appear, and swiftly overtake the hallucinations, and then they’re gone.

Sometimes hands of dark grey translucent fear pass over her eyes, and her paranoia calms.

Sometimes the vile whispers in languages she doesn’t know will overtake the voices, and start crooning in what she suspects is meant to be a soothing tone. It frightens her still, but… at least she knows these whispers are, well, real.

One night, when there is a terrible storm, flooding and a tornado and trees shaken from the ground, she hides in the bathtub, weeping hysterically, and a shadow oozes over the edge of the tub to whisper, It will not hurt you. This place is OURS.

Powerlines are down throughout the city, water is cut off, people are being flooded and trees have fallen on houses. But in the morning, Kim still has electricity, and gas, and water. She does not ask why that is. But she does whisper, shyly, fearfully, “Thank you.”

She goes to dinner with her family, and when she comes home she collapses on the couch and cries and cries, the pain of being misgendered and deadnamed second only to the repeated jabs at her being a failure and a liar.

She is startled to feel warmth flop haphazardly over her. She looks up impulsively, and nearly shrieks—a monster of shadow and death looms over her. But it had covered her with a quilt—a quilt that didn’t belong to her. It’s very old, and very musty, but the thing looming over her hisses, They will regret hurting you.

In the morning, she washes the blanket in the tub with cold water and gentle soap, hangs it in front of the fan and window full of sunshine to dry, and is not sad when her brother calls her in tears to say their father had fallen down the stairs last night and broken his neck.

The shadows are protecting her. They still scare the shit out of her, but they are protecting her.

Finally, a year after she first moved in to the haunted apartment, she goes to the local library, and looks up local history. Apparently her building was built over the site of three houses that had been bulldozed because no one could live in them. Ghosts, demons, creatures older than the stones of the hill; there were a lot of theories, but none of them were proven.

When Kim comes home, she asks the apartment at large, “What are you? You’re not… shadows. You were here before me. What are you?”

...Old, whisper a hundred voices, and she bites her tongue to stop a shriek. We are old. But this place is ours. And so are you. We protect what is ours.

~

Two years later, Kim wakes to the sound of someone screaming.

She scrambles out of bed and runs down the hall, but halts before she can step into the living room.

There is a body on the ground, thrashing, screaming, clawing for the gun just a few feet away. A gun. A person in her house with a gun.

OURSSSSSSS, hiss the voices, the shadows thickening around the person, until it’s a heaving mass of pure dark, and the screams are muffled. Then—silence.

The shadows fade, and there is a tiny stain on the carpet, and nothing more. The shadow that speaks to Kim the most—the one of rot and death—slips up beside her, and whispers, He was going to hurt you. We do not let strangers hurt what is ours.

For the first time, Kim reaches out very carefully, and tries to touch the shadow. Her fingers pass right through. But she still says, in a shaky voice, “Thank you.”

There is a general sigh from the shadows, and suddenly the apartment is very quiet. No whispers. No hissing. No hallucinations. The shadows are quiet and still.

We sleep, sighs the one who talks to her, and fades away.

Kim looks down at the gun on the floor. There’s no other sign of the intruder, and she hears nothing from anyone else in the building. Maybe the shadows muffle this apartment from the others. Carefully, Kim steps forward, picks up the gun, and hides it under a couch cushion. She’ll turn it in to the police tomorrow.

The shadows have eaten, and now they sleep. She should sleep too.

Feeling strangely comforted, Kim goes back to her room, and smiles to see that the old quilt they had given her is spread and waiting. She slips into bed under it, takes a deep breath of the “tropical” scent soap she had cleaned it with (the shadows seem to like fruity scents), and snuggles down, eyelids growing heavy.

The shadows will protect her. No one else ever has, but the shadows will.

[lux-i-fer]

Can you explain why you view Cain’s emotions as being frozen by the passage of time? I’ve read a very convincing theory that he’s a psychopath so it’d be interesting to see your take ( on why he isn’t??)

Yeah I sure can! So the basic story of Cain is  that he was condemned by God to live an eternal punishment on Earth right? So he’s been alive for a pretty long time. And over that long span of time he’s become quite jaded to the world around him. Think of how Lilith or s1 Amenadiel act. Neither of them care all that much about humanity or their happenings because what is a decade in the face of someone who has lived through millennia? More importantly, why should an immortal enjoy the ‘small things’ so to speak if they have infinite time to enjoy them? Writers often wax poetic about how humans burn so bright because they never know when their flame will be snuffed out, and I think there’s some truth to that. An immortal like Cain would eventually grow tired of seizing every day like his fellow humans do. He has an infinite amount of days, what’s the rush? Eventually that mindset morphs into what’s the use? Why should I go out and do things when time doesn’t matter to me? Why should I form bonds with people I know will perish? Why should I participate in this life, knowing full well that it’ll just pass me by? Cain himself is quoted as saying this: 

“I have walked this Earth for thousands of years. I have seen everything, I have done everything. I have watched everything I have ever known turn into ashes over and over again. And I’ve been searching for a way out forever.”

This type of thinking is a slippery slope. I will say that Cain was never quite “good” to begin with, he kills his brother with a rock because he felt like Abel was taking up too much spotlight I mean who does that? Cain is a selfish and manipulative person who uses others as if they were mere chess pieces to get what he wants, there’s really no way around that. However, I would not classify him as a psychopath. An absolute asshole, yes perhaps, but not a psychopath. Like I said, he’s become impassive to the world at large. He’s a human with the world view of a celestial/infernal being. Momlotte had a similar world view (oh what’s another human death, they’ll just make more. He was getting annoying anyways) yet no one ever categorized her as a psychopath. While I admit Mom is not the best comparison, we cannot deny that she and Cain share that aspect of themselves. Because like Mom, Cain does show moments of true emotion. Tom 2.0 might not have done the best job showing that (sorry Tom :/ ) but there were still traces of it. 

I think the most notable example of this is in 3x12 when Cain tells Lucifer he wants to die. Like I said before, Cain isn’t a very expressive character but we do see some indication of emotion when Lucifer pries his desire out. I think where a lot of people get hung up is on Cain’s lack of empathy for other people--and that’s valid--but again we forgot that he has the mentality of an immortal. He just does not care about other people, and yeah that’s a dick move but it is what it is. Sometimes people just really are assholes and that’s just who they are. Forgive my forwardness, but not every prick on the street is a psychopath just because they didn’t help you pick up your groceries when the bottom of your bag gave out or because they said they loved you and then fucked off with a hooker. People can just be assholes for no reason sometimes, and that’s just what Cain is. 

But like most assholes, Cain still cares about things. Usually those things pertain to only one subject, himself, but he still values them. And like I said before, this is most visible in his quest to die. Cain truly wants to end his life and I feel as though he has very genuine emotions for why. Think about it: you’re an immortal. The first few years seem alright, but then your friends and family start to die off, one by one. Over the next few years you make more friends and acquaintances. They also die. You have to move houses because your neighbors are suspicious of your eternal youth. You now have to move every fifty years and cut all contact with the life attached to that identity. You continue this cycle for hundreds of years with no end. Doesn’t that sound depressing? Doesn’t just thinking about that grate on your very bones? Of course it does, you’re human. And so is Cain. (We could almost draw a Lilith comparison here, no?) Humans were born knowing that eventually this will all just end. In a twisted way that’s what makes living so great; it won’t last forever. Cain knows that ultimately death is where he belongs, yet it is the one thing he will never be able to do. Can you imagine that? You have the power to do anything you could ever want, but you have no power to achieve what you truly desire. I think it’s safe to say that that would do a number on anyone. 

Now I have not addressed his manipulative side in detail yet so lets carve out some time for that. Did Cain manipulate Chloe, Maze, and pretty much everyone else to get what he wants? Yes. Did he feign emotion in that process? Yes. But then again, who hasn’t? I’m not trying to justify his actions, because he did some truly horrific things, but I’m just putting it out there. How many times do we put on fronts in our own lives just to get what we want? We see it all the time. Someone flirts their way out of a situation, serial cheaters tell their spouses they love them while stringing along three other people behind their backs, or we say something we know will set someone off just to see their reaction. If we diagnose psychopaths using this logic, do we not all contain some hint of psychopathy? Well yes, we do. Humans aren’t perfect creatures. Some are better than others and some are worse. Like I said, I’m not saying that Cain was justified in his actions, but I do not think we can slap a psychopath label on him just because he’s a dick. 

I believe the psychopath theory does not take Cain’s situation into account. I believe it neglects to recognize the warped way in which he views both humanity and the world at large. Cain is a human condemned to live an immortal’s life and I don’t think that’s something to shrug at.

[raeseddon]

Why Being The Parent of a Disabled Child isn’t an Identity: A Discussion

( Trigger warning for mention of abusive relationships )

A note to all the parents of disabled or neurodivergent kids, from an Adult disabled child.

For the sake of you, your child, and your relationship with that child: Having a disabled child is not an identity.

[[readmore]]

I know it can feel like it, because it's all media and society focuses on when they see you out and about with your child. Pretty much all protrayals of parents in media who find out they have a disabled child cease to be people-- they are henceforth Parents of a Child With [Insert Disability/Neurodivergence Here.] And it's deceptive because at first, finding supoprt communities of other parents with the same problems feels like Mana From Heaven. But please, watch how other parents in your support communities change as their children grow, especially when the disability/neurodivergence is managed to a point where the child can join "normal" society. If you see a parent panicking, or freaking out in a way that seems over the top, (especially when reports of how the kid is doing are positive) be careful. You might be watching the beginning spiral of a parent who no longer knows how to be anything but a caregiver. And that parent needs help.

Also, if you start to feel the urge to panic, or worry, or start inventing senarios were you are back to being a carer after your Adult disabled child leaves the proverbial roost, find someone, preferably a professional, to speak to. Because the alternative is that you become someone who infantilzes your Adult disabled child in order to hold on to a piece of your identity that--in a perfect world-- would never have rooted itself in you the way it has.

I should say something about my own experiences just so you don't think I'm talking out of my ass-- at six or eight months old my parents noticed I was only reaching for things with one arm. They took me to a neurologist who diagnosed me right-hemipsheratic cerebral palsy. As soon as I was old enough, I was in physical therapy. At five years old, I had my first ever seizure, at which point I was diagnosed with epilepsy, which has a high co-morbidity rate with CP. I came from a pretty traditional middle class (back when there really was a middle class) family where my father worked full time and my mom worked seasonally as a tax-preparer. My mom was the one who took up the bulk of the responsibility as carer, making sure I got to OT/PT, speech therapy, the works. I had no idea how much of her personal identity she put into her role as carer until the marriage disolved and her various issues lead to me spending more and more time with dad, intitially as a survival strategy (emotionally/mentally speaking) and then because I enjoyed his company, even if it meant getting to know him as a person at an age where most kids rely on dads for driving lessons and other... dad stuff. It wasn't always easy, but again, it was a survival strategy first and foremost.

It became apparent very quickly that not only did mom think I was "picking sides" but that she was furious with me because I didn't understand all of her (very real and unfortunatelt necessary) personal sacrifices so that I had the physical quality of life that I did. I was too young and hormonal at the time to realize that she A) should have never have had to make those sacrifices, and B) the blow they dealt to her personal identity would leave lasting and horrific scars on both of us.

Because when society looks at a parent of a child with disabilities, and a disabled child, they don't see two distinct people: they see a Walking Disability, and a Selfless Marytr, who willingly gave up every part of themselves to give that Walking Disability a "chance" at a "normal life."

I've known and talked to a ton of disabled adults and their parents over the years, and there are a few things that run like a universal thread throughout:

Just because a truly loving parent would choose a million times to give their entire life and identity up to care for the child, doesn't mean they want to, or should have to. If I could go back in time and provide my mother with a way to take some of the burden off of herself so that she could continue to grow along with me as a person, I would. Whether it would mean making it so that dad didn't have to work as much so that they could actually split the emotional and physical load, or some other way, I'd do it in a heartbeat. We, as a society need to stop looking at parents who are forced to subvert everything about themselves: their interests, their hobbies, their education, and their growth as a person, so that their disabled children have a fair shot, as aspirational. Parents are people, and they deserve the social support to continue being people, despite also having disabled children.

The inability of parents and carers to divorce themselves from their roles as carers damages the child's self esteem and overall ability to imagine a future of even limited independence. Speaking from both personal experience and having a disabled and neurodivergent friend group who have all admited to similar experiences. I was able to move away from living with my mom at nineteen, almost right after I graduated high school, to living with dad who was much more willing to encourage any form of independence he could. The encouragement wasn't always realistic in some ways, but when it worked, it worked, and I clung to that independence literally as long as a physically could.

If a marriage was rocky or straight up unhealthy before the birth of the disabled child 'staying together for the kid(s)' always makes things worse. There are the one in a few billion times when having the child actually forced the parents to work their shit out, but most of the time, it's a recipie for decades of misery and emotional (and physical) trauma for everyone involved. This is especially true if a degree of independence is acheived by the child that means they can live away from home. Once the child is gone, everything about the marriage/relationship that didn't work comes rushing back--and unfortunately, by then, the parents are so used to being miserable together, that being miserable apart is even more terrifying. As someone who came to realize as an adult that long before my parents divorced, the cracks were there and there were "near misses" it makes me wish they'd divorced when I was much younger. Of course, the reality is that parents who have disabled children are more likely to stay in unhappy at least or absusive at worst relationships because without shared income, caring for the disabled child would be impossible. It's a no-win situation.

Finally, circling back to my first point: Even when abuse isn't present and the marriage is healthy, the most well meaning parent may find themselves infantilizing their Adult child because once that child is gone, they will have lost a major pillar of their identity. There are times this comes close to feeling like a universal experience, it's so common. "Cutting the apron strings" can be scary even when both parents know its for the best, but the problems usually start with making harmless comments about how they'll "always be there" for the child, and if left unchecked the comments could become passive aggressive, and finally downright attempts to guilt the Adult child into staying.

This is why it's so, so important to observe your own behavior, as well as the behavior of other parents in support communities, and keep an eye on the ones who try to inject anxiety into the experiences and milestones that edge your Adult child towards the best degree of independence they can acheive. A lot of the time it'll lead with "Well aren't you worried that [insert bad experience here] will happen?" Which is why it's vital to be able to tell when an anxiety is your own or when it's someone elses. A good way to do this is to just have regular, open communication with your kid. Express your worries, talk them out, and allow your kid to make assurances, even if it's in the form of "I have a friend group/support network that I can go to before I will need to go back to you with a problem." Make it clear in the support communities that these communications are happening with your kid, and if people still try to drag you into worrying that whatever reassurances that have been given "won't be enough"... flag that person as someone who is probably having a problem with the idea of their kid acheiving independence. Every parent starts at a different place when it comes to the idea of a disabled or neurodivergent kid acheiving some form of independence, but there are ways to avoid almost all of the major issues that end up poisoning the relationships between parents and their adult disabled kids.

[drawlfoy]

The Sound of...Magic? (don’t hate me)

pairing: draco x nanny!reader

warnings: i was considering making it a little nsfw but then i remembered my grandkids might find this blog one day and i’ve gotta play nice. mentions of death (if you couldn’t already tell from the request). this part is gonna be a little sad so if you’re a crier i’d bring some tissues--i recommend the kirkland signature brand, a great bang for your buck. (not sponsored but if you’re reading this kirkland signature, i’m up for the challenge). also mentions of alcohol abuse

special thanks to @ihavebeenahurricane for sending the request!

summary/request:  Draco x Reader request! Draco hires reader as a nanny after his wife dies and slowly falls for the nanny who’s a halfblood from America trying to find herself 😍

a/n: i’m going to take the whole “slowly falls” wording from the prompt and RUN with it! if you haven’t already guessed, i’m a giant fan of longer stories. i love this prompt (and i’m getting major sound of music vibes from it, which is the ultimate summer musical to me) and i’m going to milk it for all it’s worth. the first few parts will be dedicated to fleshing out the characters and setting the stage for what’s to come, so buckle up bitches, we’re going for a multichapter ride. you decided to read stuff from a slow burn fanatic, so this is on you :P

FINAL a/n: in all seriousness, i’m going to twist the canon a little bit. in this au, draco’s wife dies when scorpius is much younger for the purpose of the whole nanny aspect. i apologize if this doesn’t follow the canonical universe to a T--i’m just here to have fun and flex my writing muscles! i apologize for any sloppy mistakes i may have made writing this. i never had a chance to proofread and i have a lot of writing to do now that requests are coming in! i promise to come back and edit.

music recommendation: i recommend listening to peer pressure and row from the soundtrack of the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i listened to it while writing this. it’ll make you cry. even if my writing doesn’t, the music will by itself.

enough of my blabber. thanks to anyone who read my incoherent 11pm babblings. onto the story--specifically Draco’s backstory!

word count: 1,304

Draco Malfoy owed everything to Astoria Greengrass. After the Second Wizarding World War, he felt as though he had nothing left. The social structure and core values he was raised under were suddenly ripped out from under his feet. It wasn’t that he was born with hatred of the impure--he just didn’t know any other way. The mark on his arm only made the transition into life after the war more difficult--the hours and hours of wizard trials he had to endure were nearly as painful as being under Voldemort’s constant supervision. Seeing the eyes of so many he had grown up with glare at them from the crowds, admitting that he betrayed them...it was a test beyond anything he had known before.

And yet, by some spontaneous miracle, his charges were dropped. His father, Lucius, was given a life sentence in Azkaban, and his mother, Narcissa, was on house arrest for four years. Potter ended up testifying for him, stating that he refused to identify him when he was brought to the manor even though it was obvious it was him. It was very likely that Draco had saved the Order in that one instance of bravery, and the Ministry decided that the act was enough to prove Draco’s innocence. 

Saying goodbye to his father was difficult, but Draco always held a bit of resentment towards him. If it weren’t for his father, he would never have been forced to bear the mark. He’d miss Lucius dearly, but there was a silver lining--Draco would never have to witness another raging alcoholic fit towards his sweet mother. The conflicting feelings that plagued him when Lucius blew up at the two of them, throwing various objects and causing carnage around his house, and then immediately following it up with promises of gifts and love would no longer be around. Draco, in a sense, was never freer. 

He had always known of Astoria. While she’d been two years below him, she often hung around her older sister, Daphne, whenever Slytherin common room parties took place. Of course, he never saw much of her during the war when she was evacuated from Hogwarts, but he had taken note of the slight brunette with light green eyes. 

It was only during one of Narcissa’s dinner parties, when he was 20, that he noticed just extraordinarily light green they were. He remembered thinking that with her eyes, she would never have to bother with jewelry--all the sparkles in the world were already carried in her eyes. 

They had spoken that night in the balcony, outside of his room. She’d confessed just how afraid she was about the new wizarding world and how she thought no one would accept her. Draco had gently picked up her hand, tracing the delicate knuckles in fingers.

He’d told her that she’d always have him. She’d blushed, a magnificent rose, and Draco couldn’t help himself. Before he knew it, her lips were pressed to his,their eyes had fluttered shut, and his hand had snaked its way around her tiny waist. In that moment, Draco began to feel like a person again--a whole, loving person, with love, and love, and...love. 

Their wedding hadn’t been the most extravagant of weddings, a fact that a younger Draco would’ve been shocked at but a wiser one adored. Astoria had looked stunning in her pale green gown--an escape from tradition, Draco had thought fondly--and had her dark hair loose and wavy around her shoulders. Draco had worn a dark green suit with a boutiienniere JKFKLFjkl;f charmed to sparkle silver pinned to his lapel.

It was just enough to be a true Slytherin wedding.

Narcissa, Daphne, Blaise, and Zabini had attended. With both of her parents deceased, Astoria had been nervous at first, but Narcissa had taken her in with open arms and welcomed her as her own.

It had been a tough couple of years after the marriage. After complaints of fatigue and chronic migraines that not even the strongest of potions could cure, his beloved Astoria was diagnosed with a blood curse. When Draco asked the healer how long she had, the healer simply shook his head and responded, “Just enjoy the time you have.”

Astoria had taught him to be open-minded to the new world, designating every Friday night as a “Muggle Date Night”, much to his initial chagrin. She dragged him to countless attractions--bowling alleys, movie theaters, old thrift stores, their local IKEA, even the quaint café on 42nd. The latter was his favorite. Astoria would always order her coffee black and discreetly charm it to her taste while Draco would simply settle for a scone and some tea. The pair would look out into the city nightlife, picking out interesting people and making up their life stories. Muggles weren’t so bad anymore. 

The day that Draco figured out he was going to be a father was the one of the best days of his life, only second to the day he married the very person who was mothering his child. They had both burst into tears when the pregnancy indicator potion turned a deep blue, informing the couple that they were having a boy. 

Muggle Date Nights began to happen less and less often as Draco worked harder hours at the Ministry to attempt to prepare for the new addition. With Lucius behind bars, the majority of his family fortune had been seized, and as a result, Draco was forced to work to support both his mother and his wife until they were able to join the workforce themselves.

Arguments, when they came, were brutal. Neither of them ever raised their voices, but Astoria cried and stated the truth, which was infinitely more painful. She told him how he was never home and how her time was ticking. She reminded him that their child was going to be motherless and that her husband was going to be wifeless very soon.  Draco reminded her that it was either his work or eviction from their manor, to which she stated, “screw the manor. I want you.”

But of course he didn’t listen, He wanted his son to have the best life possible, and in some immature part of his lizard brain, he believed that the blood curse would go away if he just worked hard enough. Everything always happened for him if he worked at it enough. That’s just how the world worked.

Scorpius came into the world in the dead of winter, very fitting for the tragedy about to come. Astoria cradled him in her arms once, and then passed them to Draco,

“I think I need to go now,” she said wistfully, looking out the window of the hospital wing into the cloud of black outside. 

“Whatever do you mean, darling?” Draco asked, amusement in his voice. 

She must be very intoxicated on those pain potions he remembered thinking to himself. 

But then the healers began rushing in, one by one, each yelling her name and preparing random concoctions Draco had never even heard of in even his most advanced potion courses. Her once golden skin turned pale and her light green eyes, once sparkling with Slytherin pride, were beginning to dull. 

“Draco, my love,” she croaked, reaching one frail hand out to grasp at his own, “You must give him the time you were unable to give to me.”

“But I love you!” Draco sounded more like a child than his own baby did, crying in the corner in his cradle. 

“And I you.”

Just like that, it was over. She had lost the battle, and Draco had lost the war.

Tears began clouding his vision as he looked back and forth from his baby to his now deceased wife.

He never expected his first day of being a father to go like this. 

[small-reptile-cake]

Vigilante AU (updated/fixed)

Concept:

We live in a world of injustice, where powerful people get to overshadow and overrule others basic human rights, and those with true power conceal themselves under the shadows at the risk of being killed or outcasted from society. However, in a city where hate and panic flood the streets, a select team of special people are willing to put themselves out there and defend those who can no longer fight for themselves. Virgil Sinclaire(18)

Powers:

Telepathy

Can read and invade the minds of other people with unsettling, fear inducing thoughts.

His range of hearing is of up to three blocks.

His powers caused him to be mildly agoraphobic; he spent a great part of his life hearing the sick thoughts of strangers on the street and the thousands of times he could simply tell when he was about to get mugged, making him afraid of leaving the safety of his apartment.

Now he wears headphones most of the time to muffle the voices.

Always lived in the same tall building, the higher he is the less he has to hear.

Born and raised in New York.

Studies/Interests:

Highschool dropout. In between his phobia and the terrible influence from his peers, he decided the education system wasn't for him.

Wanted to be an english major.

Enjoys writing scary/realistic novels.

Affiliations

Lives with his aunt and cousin.

Was lured into a group of thieves disguised as anarchists/protesters who claimed to fight for “True justice”, and that they would protect him. Truly, they were just hiding their true intentions and using Virgil’s powers to cause harm out of pure self gratification.

When their motives were unveiled, he still rejected becoming a part of the Alliance

Now, he belongs to his own neutral alignment in which he will not condone giving aid to those who he feels don't deserve it and will absolutely turn to revenge if necessary, even through unconventional means.  

Is still willing to help the Alliance, or the “Light Ones” as he calls them.

Patton Kane (22)

Powers:

Healing

His healing can range from treating people (whether it be physically or emotionally) to fixing broken objects (Only if they’re visibly torn, like a broken key or a broken cup).

The risk of healing people’s emotions is that it’s only temporary, and Patton will absorb both positive and negative emotions from the individual.

He can’t fix something that’s been set on fire (A book or clothes) because it’s simply beyond his reach to reconstruct something that's been turned to dust.

Studies/Interests:

A gastronomy student.

Often attends to baking courses/seminars during the week.

Teaches kids with disabilities how to bake on the weekends.

Part of his tuition was paid by working as a babysitter and a store clerk. The rest was obtained from his parents

Was an animal hoarder back in college even though he didn’t have the space or time at the moment. There were stray cats, dogs, even a rat that lived in the same building and got caught in a trap one day. He healed it and brought it home because he didn’t want the owner to find it and kill it.

His family had to talk him out of it and he even went to therapy to deal with the guilt of having to give his babies up for adoption.

Now he only adopts people as his children.

Affiliations

Virgil activates his fatherly senses the most and constantly getting invited to eat at Patton’s

He’s always encouraging the vigilante to go out, then ultimately visiting whenever Virgil just doesn’t feel safe enough to go out.

He also loves playing video games together as long as they aren’t horror themed.

Went to highschool with Logan, he was a few years older but since their parents knew each other and Logan didn’t bother socializing with people in his grade, they became close.

They would both occasionally help their peers though small gestures, such as easing someone before a test, or getting someone out of a fever. It was when they met Roman that he dragged them onto greater things and eventually led to forming the alliance.

Logan Altman (20)

Powers:

Super speed

Is ironically always worried about wasting time

The best thing about his power is having more time to appreciate each moment and scene as it happens before his eyes, analyze it, then carry on.

Will stutter whenever he tries to speak at a normal pace. Roman had to help him practice his speech so it wouldn’t give away his identity during superhero duty.

Needs extra calories, and therefore is often found snacking on protein bars, fruit (and obviously Patton’s famous oatmeal-chocolate cookies)

Can be very hot headed and impatient at times.

Studies/Interests

Majors in chemical engineering, takes up astronomy in his spare time, as well as philosophy and english.

Wants to learn german and spanish.

Uses his super speed to be able to take all of his classes during the week, complete his chores in time and always have some spare minutes.

Keeps a schedule that he’s very loyal to or else he might take up more than he can handle and stress himself out (Again).

Despite being so diligent of his work, he always falls asleep in time, makes sure to have a healthy diet and gives himself some time to relax and contemplate.

Affiliations

Has been friends with Patton since elementary, their parents know each other. Their relationship was very stiff at first as the sensitive hero used to infuriate him by taking too long to do things and getting carried away all the time. This led to some outbursts that were always forgiven as long as Logan apologized afterwards.

One day he went too far while Patton was particularly sensitive, causing him to cry. He’s learnt to control himself since then.

He and Roman were classmates in fight grade when Roman moved in, by then he wasn’t friends with anybody else from his generation.

They started to hang out after a few very intense debates regarding the historical accuracy of a few medieval TV shows, and if it was acceptable to deviate from the obscure reality of those times.

Genuinely loves watching Roman perform classics on stage. The first time he saw him was during english class when they were to bring presentations to class, he performed a paragraph from one of Chèjov's tales.

Despite often treating him like an idiot, he recognizes Roman to be brilliant in his own field. And having him in class was always an amusing experience.

Thinks of Virgil’s occasional presence as comforting, but ultimately disagrees with his views on society.

Is constantly trying to convince Virgil to retake his studies, expressing concern for his future.

Roman Garcia(20)

Powers:

Morphing objects as he touches them

He can only change the shape of an object, not the material it’s made of (if he touches a metal chair and shapes it into a sword, it’ll still be made of metal)

It used to be very difficult for him to create things as he couldn’t focus hard enough on a single shape at the time and the images in his brain would get jumbled.

Later on he was diagnosed with ADHD. His family refused to medicate him and for many years he was forced to deal with it without knowing what it was and what to do about it. That, until he met a teacher that dealt with the same thing who was willing to educate him on he matter. From then on, he’s been learning to surpass it and perfect his technique.

Studies/Interests:

Drama school, also forms part of a few independent acting groups dedicated to performing musicals in small theatres.

Writes fantasy novels, as well as scripts for both theatre and film. He loves how different both formats are and the different things he can achieve with both

Can also write and listen in spanish, but is pronunciation is still too stiff to talk back.

Affiiliations:

Went to highschool with Logan, Patton was their senior.

Moved in to New York from Albuquerque with his little brother. Their entire family is from Venezuela.

Comes from divorced parents, had an abusive father growing up.

Doesn’t necessarily hate his brother, but is extremely weary of him growing into a villain since his powers are rarely ever used  for anything other than chaos.

Has a strong attachment to Patton due to the hero’s overbearing, fatherly attitude. Often rings him up at random times to just hang out and watch “Brooklyn 99″ together or learn new recipes. Whether they are in a bad mood or not, it’s always heartwarming to spend time with each other. He really hated Virgil at first for stealing Patton’s attention.

Is currently really fond of Virgil as he can understand the struggles of being forced to move apart from your family. He also really appreciates the vigilante’s willingness to listen

Devin C. Pierce (20)

Powers:

Shapeshifting

Uses his powers to his own advantage and to help those he cares about.

Doesn’t care about fighting evil or turning evil because good and bad are constructs and totally subjective.

Studies/Interests

Drama school

Takes up law as his second major, mostly influenced by watching fake trials on TV and watching legal dramas.

Totally didn’t show Remus “How to get away with murder”.

Affiliations

Met Roman on an improv night at a bar, they got a few good laughs by being absurd and original.

Roman doesnt know about his powers but they're still good friends. Is often asked to babysit Remus when Roman is out fighting crime.

Is constantly teasing Virgil because, in Devin’s words; he’s a “Hypocrite who thinks of himself morally superior to everyone”

Tells everyone the C in his name is for classy.

Remus Garcia (14)

Power:

Morphing objects as he touches them

His creations are always a lot more gruesome than Roman’s

They range from weapons, dick shaped statues, inedible food shaped objects to prank people and tiny versions of torture devices he saw in some horror game about the dark ages. They all decorate his room

Studies/Interests:

He also sculpts manually and enjoys painting. Most of his art is abstract. Only draws explicitly gorey scenes when he’s angry.

He learnt French in secret for years just to one day start pretending he didn’t know spanish anymore and piss everyone off.

Enjoys reading horror stories on the internet a lot. He even found Virgil’s blog while deep diving once, but he doesn’t know that.

Affiliations

Moved in with Roman because his parents were busy with work and couldn’t tend to his “needs” all the time

Constantly trying to get Roman to take him on his missions. Since Roman doesn't trust him not to kill anyone, it never happened.

Is old enough not to need a babysitter, is chaotic enough to need one and only Deceit can handle him.

Patton is greatly unsettled by him, but Remus loves when he comes over to cook for them. He tried to show him his sculptures once when he was younger and it didn’t go well at all.

He is constantly trolling Virgil whenever they’re around, thinking about disturbing things the moment he walks through the door.

[howelldelia]

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[mszegedy]

mszegedy’s nutrition guide for people who want to lose weight without getting another ED

This post was prompted by an acquaintance of mine who asked for help losing weight for trans reasons. It is written from a DID-centric point of view (because we both have it), and is intended for people who’ve already been through an ED, and are trying to be careful to not get another one. That said, most of the information in this guide is useful to everyone.

I know I am dipping my toes in a deep pool here, on a website where people have strong opinions about nutrition science, and about EDs, and about body positivity. Let me say this much: if you are currently experiencing or recovering from an ED, this guide is not for you. This is not a guide that will magically let you jump from hating your body and diet to being both thin and healthy. This is for people who already have a degree of confidence in themselves, and a degree of love for their body, and are just afraid of trying to make any changes to their weight at all, because they worry they’ll get an ED. If you still have an ED, then you need to get help for that first, and then, once you’re more confident, come back and read this guide.

Alright, so, as a system with a host who’s a trans biochemist with an interest in nutrition chemistry, and as a system that’s had an ED before (basic binge/restrict anorexia, but motivated by money rather than weight), this is what we’ve got to say about healthy weight loss:

First of all, the body positivity mantra, which I’m sure you’ve heard before but needs to be the headline of any weight loss guide: the healthiest weight is whatever makes you the happiest. It is not healthy to push yourself too hard to lose weight. It is also not healthy to hate your body. Find a comfortable balance between the two. For us, as a system experiencing gender dysphoria, that first meant putting a lot of effort into looking the way we wanted to, and then gradually easing up as we got more comfortable with the peculiarities of our body.

The single aspect of your diet that impacts your health the most is regularity. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to get the same amount of each nutrient every day, or even the same amount of calories per day. What it does mean is that you have to add eating each day to your schedule. If you have a history of ED, you may simply forget to eat most of the time. (I know we do.) That’s why you have to manually take control, and nail down a time window each day when you can eat. Even if it’s just once, although you should work your way up to two or three eventually. I don’t know how your system works, but in ours, basically, I do all the diet planning and execution, and everyone else whines about it (even our host, who shares our job as a biochemist).

Calories are good. Calories are fuel. If you are consuming calories, you are alive. Be far more afraid of not consuming enough calories than of consuming too many. Extra calories are ballast, supporting you on days when you can’t eat as much. Missing calories are death. Every calorie you eat is precious brain and body fuel. Your peak performance, especially brainwise, is when you’re not missing any fuel. Start worrying about whether you’ve had enough calories each day. But don’t count them! The number doesn’t matter! Trust me on this, the only meaningful part of your calorie intake is the digit in the thousands place, and if you try to calculate that, you’ll just end up counting calories again like a chump. Instead, just check whether you’re going to bed hungry or not. If you’re not hungry at the end of the day, and you’ve actually eaten, you’ve won that day. Learn to eyeball how much food lets you end a day like that.

Now that you’re forbidden to mess with the amount of calories you’re getting (beyond just making sure you’re getting enough), what can you mess with? Your diet’s nutrient breakdown. This is where knowing biochemistry comes in handy, because there’s SO many different kinds of nutrients to keep track of. First of all, the stuff that contains calories:

Sugars: The primordial fuel source. Pure energy, as far as your body is concerned. Avoid when trying to lose weight, but don’t feel guilty if you’re supplementing your calorie intake with it in small amounts on days when you otherwise wouldn’t be getting enough. Remember that there’s a really easy way to tell whether something contains sugar, namely whether it’s sweet. (Some things, like milk, aren’t sweet and still contain sugar. You just have to memorize those. And of course some things have non-sugar sweeteners in them, but in that case it’ll be obvious.)

Digestible starches: Sugars with a price. Still no nutritional value beyond energy, although they tend to come bundled with other nutrients like proteins. Again, not great if you’re trying to lose weight, but there’s no need to cut them out completely, unless you really don’t care about not being able to eat, say, potatoes. (There are also people who are helped by no-carb diets in other ways than weight loss for mysterious reasons, probably relating to allergies, but it’s not the end-all be-all of healthy diets that keto people make it out to be.)

Fats: A pretty inconvenient source of energy; breaking them down puts annoying, difficult-to-metabolize acids into your blood, and doesn’t net you all that much energy anyway. An ideal calorie source for losing weight; just make sure to consume as few sat fats as possible, and preferably no trans fats at all, which should be easy if you stay away from fast food places and stick to establishments that change out the oil in their fryers every, idk, 3 hours or so.

Amino acids and proteins: Now we’re getting somewhere! These guys are the “worst” energy sources out there. Breaking them up is very expensive, and turning the resulting amino acids into digestible calorie sources is a complicated and annoying process. But amino acids are a nutrient in their own right; every cell in your body is making tons of proteins continuously, some of them building important structures like skin and muscle, and they need a continuous supply of amino acids to do it. So, proteins? Great. Fantastic. You can’t have enough of them. Eat eggs and cheese and soy products, and if you’re that kind of person, meat. You can tell it's got amino acids and/or proteins in it when it tastes savory ("umami"); that's mainly the taste of glutamate, an important amino acid. Gluten is also made of proteins, but it’s even harder to digest than most other sources of protein, so you might have problems with it; and it comes bundled with a lot of starches, so, ehhh.

So, now for a couple non-calorie sources:

Vitamins: Vitamins have nothing in common with each other collectively; they’re just a bunch of random minor nutrients. If you’ve got your vitamins A, C, and D sorted out, then the only ones I’d worry about are folate (B9) and cobalamin (B12). B9 because it’s important for your brain, and tends to be missing in sufficient quantities from modern diets; we take methylfolate supplements every morning to make sure we get enough of it. B12 because it’s important in general, and may be missing in sufficient quantities from your diet, depending on what you eat. It’s only found in animal products, like meat, dairy and eggs. If you’re eating at least one of those regularly, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Omega-3 fatty acids: Technically contain calories, but not enough of them to matter. Found in fish, and good for your brain. We’re vegetarian, but we take two capsules of these every morning, because they really help with depression and memory, which are both problems for us.

Iron: Found in meat, beans, falafel, spinach, and lentils, among other things (like cocoa!). Needed to replenish blood. You shouldn’t need supplements for this unless you actually get diagnosed with iron deficiency, or lose a LOT of blood in a short time (which, uh, happens).

Water and sodium: Long story short, your blood is counterfeit seawater. Land organisms don't actually exist; we just brought the sea with us when we crawled out of it. To counterfeit seawater, you need water and sodium. Hence, why they're important nutrients to us. Your kidneys do an excellent job of maintaining a particular level of sodium in your blood, but if you eat too much more sodium than you drink water, or drink too much more water than you eat sodium, then they won't be able to keep up. You usually shouldn't have to worry about this, but if everything you eat is salty, then maaaybe you should drink more water, or dial down the sodium in your diet. (Anything wet contains water, from energy drinks to the juices of fruits to sauces, so it's not very hard to get water. But some things contain a higher sodium-to-water ratio than you need, so they won't help you balance out a salty diet. Be mindful.)

Dietary fiber, aka non-digestible starches: I don’t have anything interesting to say about these. Conventional wisdom about fiber seems to be correct, as far as I know. I only listed it because it’s in most nutrition facts in the US.

So, now that you know the roles of the various kinds of nutrients, just eyeball the correct amounts of them for your diet. Broadly, the less carbs you eat, the more weight you’ll lose, but it’s not a race. Find a nutritious diet that makes you happy. Think about all your favorite foods and ingredients, and think about their nutrient breakdowns. Mentally award yourself points for eating nutritionally diverse foods. It’s a healthy thing to turn your ED instincts towards. Good luck!

(If people ask for sources I’ll add them, but I’ve already spent way too much time on this guide, so I won’t do it immediately.)

[purplesurveys]

754

Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who? I don’t even have one of those yet.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? I'm not sure. I know she's told me before about being diagnosed with depression, but I’ve forgotten if it’s mild or severe, or if she has the whole thing or is just showing symptoms of it. She only mentioned it in passing so I figured it wasn’t something she wanted to touch on further.

Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? Probably but I’d have to be really careful to not end up shattering my legs or any other part of my body haha, but knowing me I’d probably land badly. I live on the second floor but the house isn’t that high, so I think I could give it a shot.

What would you do if you found out the last person you called was pregnant/got someone pregnant? I’d be very confused because she’s very gay and also because she’s only been staying at home since March.

Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food? I wouldn’t be able to relate since store brand’s not really a thing here. Only SM makes their own stuff but they’re purposely cheaper because they’re meant to be of lower quality to begin with. Other than that, we don’t really have a choice but buy brand name.

Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Just the tampons, probably. I never need condoms so I have no reason to feel awkward buying them, and in fact I’ve volunteered to buy them for Angela whenever she feels shy haha; I definitely have no reason to be embarrassed buying pads because periods are a thing. I will likely feel most awkward getting tampons since I don’t know any one person who uses them where I live and it’ll most likely be seen as an unusual purchase since they’re quite uncommon.

If a stranger went in your room, would they be able to tell what gender you are from just looking at it? Probably. I have a poster of Nam Joo Hyuk, several Audrey Hepburn memorabilia, and a lot of pink stuff so it very much looks like a stereotypical girly room. I do think it’s kinda balanced out by the amount of WWE merch I own, but yeah otherwise my other stuff screams girly.

Are your parents gullible? When it comes to home stuff my mom is basically a witch; she can immediately tell if my dog peed somewhere, if I lost something, or if a dining chair isn’t positioned right. But when it comes to fake news on Facebook she will occasionally flock to them hahaha I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind her that phones DO NOT emit radiation from 12AM to 5AM and that it’s only a ploy to get people to sleep early lmfao. My dad is pretty intelligent and won’t be easily fooled about anything.

Do you still own a VCR? I know my parents owned one but I don’t know if they still brought it here when we moved 12 years ago or if they already threw it out.

About how much money have you spent on food in the past two weeks? :( Zero pesos. The only thing I’ve spent on this entire quarantine was a bottle of soju I asked my dad to buy and I paid him after.

If you were in a car accident would the last person you kissed care? Yes.

If you were looking for a new pair of shoes where would you go? UPTC since they have like ten shoe stores there.

How much was the last pair of shoes you bought? I haven’t had a new pair in like a year now, but the last one we bought cost arounddddd ₱4200, if I remember correctly.

What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? Gray. No, it was a gift from my parents.

Do you have a second home? I guess I count my childhood home my second home. My grandma and cousins remain in that house, so we visit from time to time and when we’re there I’ve noticed that I still retain the same tendencies and habits from when I still lived there.

Would you be surprised if you saw the last person you texted smoking? I’ll use the last person I chatted in this context since I haven’t texted in a hot minute, and that person would be Andrew. I’d be quite concerned since they’ve told me they’ve quit smoking, so there must be something extremely stressful going on for them to start smoking. I’d check up on them immediately.

Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? I do super hate the smell of beer even though I have no other choice but to drink it sometimes; I still find the smell of cigarettes disgusting although my contempt for them has lessened over the last few years seeing as a lot of people I know are smokers so I’ve been around that smell a lot, and also because I’ve started too. I’ve never been around weed and I don’t know how it smells.

Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? Younger by a month.

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? Not really? What I get most frequently is people thinking I was grumpy at first, but tbh I am pretty grumpy so they aren’t far off from the truth. With me it’s usually a what you see is what you get thing whether someone’s meeting me for the first or the 78th time.

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Nope, not a thing here. I’ve always found the variety of cookies so fascinating though and I’ve always wanted to try the Thin Mints and Samoas since they’re what I hear about the most :(

Do you like waffles? They’re okay, though I only ever eat waffles with fried chicken and never just by themselves. I prefer pancakes.

Do you watch birthing videos on a day-to-day basis? Nah man wtf? I have no reason to be doing that lmao.

Do you find piercings/tattoos attractive? I don’t find either attractive. I get curious when I see tattoo because I wonder what the story behind it is and what it means to the person who has it, that’s all. As for piercings, I don’t really like them < Pretty much. Like I don’t go looking around for tattoos on a person to find them attractive; I just like hearing the histories behind them. Same with piercings, I don’t need them to be attracted to someone.

Would you talk to someone you don’t know on the internet? Only on social media that I’m already familiar with and comfortable in, like on this Tumblr, or Twitter, sometimes Facebook. I wouldn’t go to like Quora to ask something or join forums or even post anything on Reddit.

How often do you drink Monster? Never. Energy drinks scare me lol.

Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? I’ve made those for myself, but not with friends. I remember filming a house tour with my flip phone’s video camera back when I was like, 8 hahaha I was ahead of our time for sure.

Do you like to buy those Warped Tour compilations? I don’t even know those existed. I just knew of Warped Tour and that all the cool bands of the time would play there, but that’s it. I’m clueless about everything else that goes on in there.

Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? You mean just a restaurant? Inside, for sure. I would never agree to eating outside and am always willing to wait a few extra minutes. I hate having to contend with passersby while I eat my food as I feel that it ruins the experience as well as the time I have with the person/s I’m eating with.

Do you own a nightgown? No but I had duster dresses that I’d wear to bed as a kid, if that counts lol.

Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box? Probably not. My mom wouldn’t allow us to play with those and she’d immediately view them as trash that needs to be thrown out.

Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom? No. I usually used the sheets as a cape or robe, then I’d pretend to be a queen.

Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone? My paternal grandparents do. My maternal grandfather used to regularly use a phone before he passed. My maternal grandmother refuses to learn :(

Have you ever had sex or something like it? Hahahaha ‘something like it.’ Yeah, I’ve had sex.

Have you ever read a George Orwell book? I tried reading 1984 when I was like 13 but didn’t understand it from the get-go. I haven’t continued it since but honestly I’m very open to revisiting it one of these days.

Have you ever worn fishnets? I don’t remember ever doing so. I feel like it’d be so uncomfortable; I hate wearing stockings as it is.

How many piercings and tattoos do you have? I only have my ears pierced and no tattoos < Sameeee.

Is someone in your family affected by Asperger’s? Nope.

In a hotel do you always nose through all the drawers and cupboards? Hahahahaha yeah, just out of curiosity. I’ve never seen anything interesting, but I keep trying.

Would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? Be eaten out right now. I’ve had too much abstinence from sexual activity for my own liking lol < Ok it’s 1 in the afternoon but SAME lol

Do you always wear your seat belt? Honestly, no and it’s a shitty habit that I need to correct ASAP. I never notice that I’m not wearing them until it’s one of my parents riding with me and they scold me for driving out of the village without a seatbelt. I do put it on when I enter bigger cities with more police patrolling the area like Ortigas and Makati, or when I drive out of town, but usually it stays off.

Have you ever liked someone much older than you? No. I’ve had a crush on a teacher, but I obviously didn’t legit like him haha.

Have you ever been in a play? Just the annual school plays we do that all students are required to be a part of. I forgot to mention this in a recent survey but I was in an acting club in Grade 1 and I played Cinderella’s prince in our culminating play, heheh.

Do you have any secrets that nobody knows about? Sure.

Is there ice cream in your freezer? Yeah. My parents love ice cream so we always have an ample supply of their favorite flavors. Sometimes we’ll also have a tub of cookies and cream since it’s our (the kids’) favorite flavor.

Have you ever started to laugh but played it off as a cough successfully? For sure. I always laugh at inappropriate moments so I do fake coughs a lot.

Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music? I suppose so. Hate is a strong word and I’d rather not use it, but while the music my girlfriend listens to wouldn’t be what I’d tune into on a regular basis, the lyrics are admittedly very well-written and intelligent and reflective, and I don’t mind it when she shares her favorite songs with me :)

Does your bathroom have a window? Yes but they’re high up on the wall.

Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? No, I’m really scared of threading :( Everyone always gets out of the salon with their eyebrow area all red and tingling and it’s enough to scare me off of threading forever lmao. I’m not very conscious about how my own eyebrows look, so I just let them grow out.

When you were younger did you read the A Series Of Unfortunate Events books? I’ve only seen snippets of the movie.

Who was the last band you saw live? Paramore. I miss them already.

Do you believe prayer really works? I’m not gonna invalidate the fact that it works for a lot of people. But it’s just not my cup of tea, and I honestly don’t know how to feel whenever someone says they pray for me since I don’t believe in it anyway. Of course I thank them, but on the inside I’m always a little puzzled.

Are you a fan of the band Gym Class Heroes? Never been. I know Stereo Hearts and that was always a fun song to sing, but it’s not my favorite either.

Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I don’t really have either, but I’d go with frosted flakes I guess?

Have you been on a date in the park? I would love to have one of these if we actually had parks. How nice would it be to take a long stroll, have a picnic, and just sit on a bench talking for hours?

Ever dated someone you were best friends with first? Yes. At first I didn’t want to risk it since we were reeeeeally close, but I don’t regret asking her out.

Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? Thankfully no. Although my grandpa and his sister did pass from heart attacks and I’m starting to be scared that it might develop to be a pattern for some of us. But other than that, both sides of the family are relatively healthy.

Do you have asthma? No. But Gab does and I get really worried once her breathing becomes labored at night. I keep telling her to get a new nebulizer after her old one broke, but I dunno what’s become of that request of mine.

Are tongue piercings slutty? No, and it’s not like being slutty is a bad thing lol.

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? No one in real life but I do still have a crush on CM Punk who’s turning 42 this year hahah. I don’t think that crush is ever gonna go away.

Last person to take off your pants, besides you? Gab.

Do you remember those cool highlighters that smelled like popcorn? I knew about markers and ballpens, but not highlighters.

Might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? No thanks. I’d rather have somewhere to go home to or rest at by the end of the day, and if I was gonna do this I prefer to be with someone who knows a thing or two about surviving in the woods.

Have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? Nope. The worst thing I’ve done was write on one of the desks in grade school.

Least favorite alcoholic drink? Out of the ones I tried, I didn’t like whisky at all. Too bitter for me < Twins. I hated the ever living shit out of Jim Beam and Jack Daniels when I tried them.

Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke? I haven’t. I have a cousin named Luke that I used to babysit and I kissed him a lot when he was a baby, if that counts lol.

How did you meet the last male you texted? I met them at the Marcos heroes’ burial protests. I have no idea how I started talking to them, but I think it was because they were wearing a Nexus shirt and I told them I like it, and we started talking from there.

Have you ever had an embarrassing email address? Yup. I wasn’t allowed to make an email address when I was young so I had to sneak around and make a fake Yahoo username so my parents would never find me. I don’t remember what it was anymore but it was for sure embarrassing so I’m just grateful my brain threw that memory out.

Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? OMG this survey is so long. I put it on my left hand.

Do you have a bull ring through your nose? Nope, no piercings.

Do you and your dad get along? Better than my mom and I.

Can you see your purse right now? Nah, it’s in my room upstairs.

Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? I am not. I haven’t had a reason to in a while.

Are there products in your hair? Just shampoo and conditioner.

When you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? No. Whaaaat, those exist? I just blow my nose or just live through the stuffiness.

Do you actually like sneezing? I love it, it’s such an underrated sensation lmao. It feels better when you’ve actually been needing to sneeze for a while and it finally comes through.

Have you taken a shower yet today? Nope, I usually take them at night.

Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? I have two.

Do you wear skirts a lot? Not really, I don’t like skirts because I feel exposed wearing them. I prefer shorts.

Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Nope.

How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? I can remember five pairs right now, but I have many other kinds of bottoms in my closet like culottes and leggings.

Do you like hoodies? They’re okay. I find them more comfortable if they belong to someone else, hah.

Big ones or the form fitting kind? Form-fitting if I’m buying for myself; big ones if I’m borrowing from Gabie.

Do you wear polo shirts a lot? I never wear them. My mom made me wear them often as a kid and it made me feel like a boy, so I’ve kinda had a predisposition to be wary of them as I got older since I was teased frequently enough about being a tomboy as a kid as it is.

Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think we probably did.

Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I have one big regret and the rest of my ‘regrets’ are small and are stuff like “I regret not picking up food on my way home because I’m now hungry.” The way I’ve always thought is that I did the things I did before because I chose to do them and I was happy to do them, and I’ve honestly felt barely any regret even though things didn’t turn out the best. There’ve been mistakes but I’ve just chosen to learn from them instead of regretting them at the same time. Do you love your computer? Love it.

Do you drink coffee? Yeah. I’ve been doing it a lot this quarantine but I think it’s been giving me headaches, so I stopped for now.

Do you basically like all of your clothes? No. There are some at the bottom of the pile that I’m no longer crazy about anymore.

Do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? My mom. She tends to know what looks best on me, and she also pays for the clothes hahaha.

[sprut6]

The Society Thoughts and Theories

Lots of spoilers if you haven’t finished season 1! This show is bananas and I absolutely love theorizing things like this where we don’t know what’s going on. I have some ideas below and some way more out there than others. Would love to hear what others think!

Where are they:

1. Parallel Universe – I feel like the show was pushing this hard with the strange solar eclipse, bringing it up multiple times (more than other theories). For that reason, I don’t think that will be what it is. However, I loved the twist about the eclipse. I really feel like they pushed PU hard in S1 even though people also threw around other ideas I still felt like this one was pushed the most. I think in S2 they’ll push a different theory to take us in a different direction and I think we’re seeing that with how S1 ended.

2. Kidnapped – I think this is a strong theory and where the show really wants us to go in assuming they’ve been taken and are being held hostage for ransom. I’ve seen some theories about the season finale saying that we don’t know what the dog represents and I agree but I definitely think that’s what the writers want us to assume – the dog is the same dog so it’s earth and the dog was able to get from New Ham to West Ham somehow. I think this will be the main theory for S2 that everyone will work around.

3. Afterlife – A reasonable theory now that we know that West Ham still exists and there is a memorial to the kids. But it’s too similar to (SPOILER – even though the show has been over for almost a decade) Lost. I think it would be disappointing if they copied it and I just think that everyone is alive.

4. Dream – I actually really like this theory. I could even see it being something like they wake back up on the bus and they (and the viewer) don’t know if it was a dream or what really happened although as a viewer that would be frustrating if we don’t have closure.

5. Simulation – They were kidnapped and they’re in a coma/simulation where this is all playing out while they’re being held for ransom. I actually was just like eh/maybe about this theory but as I was thinking it through more I think I’m getting more behind this one. (More thoughts on this below). At the moment this is my front runner.

6. Experiment – I actually don’t like this one but still wanted to include it. Again (spoiler) it’s copying The Village kind of and I just don’t know how likely I think it would be especially if the parents are supposed to be involved. Just bizarre all around if this was it.

 Theories:

1. Now that we know their parents aren’t dead, I’m thinking we’re going to see the parents a lot in S2. I think it’ll flip back and forth between perspectives between New Ham and West Ham. Maybe even some flashbacks leading up to field trip day.

2. We’ll get a new mayor. I don’t see Harry/Lexie staying mayor throughout. I think Allie will be re-elected at some point in S2 or we’ll see a breakdown of the system and she or someone else will take back over. 

3. We’ll learn who Eden’s biological father is. I strongly felt like it was Luke (because of problems it would create) until the Thanksgiving episode. When Luke and Helena announced they were getting married it showed Becca as really happy and I’m not sure that would have been authentic if it was Luke. I think the creators would have either showed a slower response or not shown her at all. I think Campbell is a stronger possibility because of Becca asking Sam to never ask her that again. I think she regrets whomever she slept with. If it’s Campbell I think it would be pretty devastating to her relationship with Sam. Even though they’ve never been in a romantic relationship she has seen how Campbell has treated Sam over the years and I think Sam will be hurt that his best friend slept with his abuser/bully. I think it would really change their dynamic and could possibly push Sam away from Becca.

4. Luke and Helena’s wedding doesn’t happen or gets postponed. I think their relationship will breakdown. It could be if Luke is the father but I don’t think they’re going to go that route because of how S1 ends and Luke having to side with Campbell. I think Helena will learn what really happened and she’ll have strong feelings about Luke lying to her.

5. I think we’ll see more side characters added. The cast is large already but we’ll need to continue to see alliances made between sides and new problems added so I think they’ll introduce more people who have been in the background just like we saw Lexie take a more prominent role right at the end. 

6. We’ll learn more about Pfieffer. I’m not convinced that’s a person. I’m wondering if that’s a code word, company name, etc.

7. Kelly and Harry’s parents aren’t having an affair. I think the meeting at the hotel will actually be a meeting between council members surrounding the smell/blackmail/mystery, etc. I think the group will start expanding on the council knowing more leading up to the field trip and they’ll start looking at other council member’s offices, homes and find more were at the hotel meeting.

8. The parents are working on a plan but the show might not let us know that. If the show wants us to think it’s possible the group is dead then I don’t think they’ll show us much of the parents but I’m thinking we might see S2 pick up with the parents. We have only a few parents in the library as opposed to a large group like an official memorial. I think its council members meeting. I think they know the kids are alive and they’re being extorted for money or something that is very difficult for them to get.

9. Harry knows something. He called this all a game and he’s inferred several times that everything would be okay. I think he knows something more specific or his parents said something to him to make him think that something could possibly happen but that everything would be okay. He also was one of the few that wasn’t worried at all in those early days.

10. I really debated mentioning this theory because I worried some people might think I was victim blaming or glamorizing Campbell but bear with me. I think it’s possible Elle has a mental disorder and she is actually harming herself and not Campbell. We know Campbell is a diagnosed psychopath but the show hasn’t shown us the physical abuse they’ve led us to believe is happening. It didn’t show him branding her or hitting her. Elle also hasn’t specifically stated that Campbell is hurting her, she lets people infer it. I think there’s a reason for both and I think it’s because he didn’t do it and it was actually Elle who branded herself with the C. Also, remember the dog. If the dog is the same then Campbell didn’t kill it as we were originally led to assume. If Elle has a diagnosed mental illness then most likely she hasn’t been on medication for months. I think we’ll find out more about what her home life like in S2 because as it stands she is the most central character that we know the least about in regards to backstory. It also would add another layer of complexity to the show. The group might have to decide, do they hold someone against their will if they consider them to be a danger to themselves or others (she tried to kill Campbell). In S1 we saw how they had to handle illnesses like a snake bite, poisoning, pregnancy but they didn’t deal with mental illness outside of Harry’s depression. I could see them tackling something like schizophrenia and the stigma around mental illnesses.

11. Maybe no one is dead. If it is a simulation maybe the deaths are the parents getting kids out/rescued. This is hard because of Allie and Cassandra and the idea that a parent would have to choose a child to rescue and leave another behind (at least for now) except Cassandra had a serious heart condition. Maybe the parents would pay her ransom first because of her illness and have to wait longer for Allie. I just think in a lot of shows there are reasons why characters have illnesses, etc and it’s because the show is going to use them later but Cassandra’s was never really used because she died so quickly and in a way that had nothing to do with her heart so why even have the character with that issue? But if there had to be a reason why one child would be chosen and another left then illness could be a factor. Also, maybe two parents paid at the same time – Cassandra’s and Dewey’s and that’s why their deaths are somewhat tied together. I’ll admit, this is pretty out there. I totally get that but I like the idea that no one is dead.

 Questions I want the kids to start asking themselves:

1. Where did the bus drivers go? They dropped them off and then the buses left. If they’re not in town then that should mean there’s a way out.

2. Why is the power still on and water running? We’ve seen multiple shots showing electricity and water but both should be off at this point without anyone running those systems. Power and water plants won’t run for months on their own.

 Random thoughts:

Love the nods to different forms of governing. Really interesting and smart insights!

I see some parallels to Animal Farm. Especially with how power corrupts.

Kind of pondering if the literature/movie references are important. 500 Days of Summer has a nod because of the creator but we’re seeing some of the books and movies in certain shots and just curious if there are more to them than face value. For example, The Princess Bride is a story within a story...which brings me back around to the simulation theory.

I told you, the series is bananas.

[topmodelsmag]

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Supermodel Lais Ribeiro talks passion and purpose.

Embroidered dress, $13,900, and embroidered dress with swan print, $5,500, both at Burberry Luxury District; Samira hoops, $650, and Stripe ring, $200, both at Jennifer Fisher; L’Arc de Davidor ring GM with Palais diamonds, $11,050, at L’Arc de Davidor

Lais Ribeiro is one of the most hardworking models on the planet. She’s walked countless runways (Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Versace, Dolce & Gabbana, among others) and has been photographed for high-fashion glossies all over the world. But today, she’s laughing and chatting with me about her 11-year-old son Alexandre’s obsession with TikTok and her deep love of guacamole. She’s got that kind of pure and genuine energy that is infectious—the kind of energy that just makes you want to become her best friend. And after speaking with her for only a few minutes, it becomes very clear to me why her success has lasted more than a decade. Sure, she has the face and body of a goddess, but it’s her attitude of gratitude that has given her career such longevity. A lot of that, she says, she owes to becoming a mother in 2008, when she was just 18 years old. “I’m thankful that I was a mom before I started modeling,” she says. “I have so many things going on, but he makes me feel grounded and has given me a purpose in life. I’m doing this for him. I want him to be proud of me and I want to give him the best life possible.”

Tulle dress, tulle top, silk belt and wool and silk pants, all price upon request, at Louis Vuitton, Luxury District; Arya sandals, price upon request, at Giuseppe Zanotti, Luxury District; Curb Chain necklace, $17,500, at David Yurman, Bal Harbour Shops.

A year after giving birth to her son, Ribeiro was studying to become a nurse in her hometown of Miguel Alves in the northeast region of Brazil. But little did she know that her studies were about to be put on hold—indefinitely. Ribeiro was chosen by modeling scouts to walk in the Sao Paulo and Rio Fashion Week runways, and from there it was straight to New York Fashion Week. She relocated to New York City in 2009 to pursue what would become a very successful modeling career. “It was tough,” she says of being away from her son. “We spent five years separated because I was just starting out and I didn’t have the setup to have him here [in NYC], so he had to stay with my family in Brazil,” she says. “When I brought him here, it was one of the happiest days of my life.”

Pajama suit jacket, $2,290, pajama suit pants, $1,190, and sheepskin mules, $895, all at Balenciaga, Design District.

These days life is pure bliss for Ribeiro, who is in the midst of planning her upcoming nuptials to fiance and NBA baller Joakim Noah. (They’ll tie the knot in Brazil this summer. “It’ll be a party!” she promises.) But Ribeiro is also working toward a cause that’s very close to her heart. In 2013, her son was diagnosed with autism, and she’s made it her goal to use her platform to raise awareness and compassion. Because, as she tells me during our chat, her most important job is being a mother. Here, Ribeiro shares her inspiring journey to success, and how she finds balance as a supermodel and a supermom.

Mesh embroidered caftan, price upon request, at Mary Katrantzou; Bebe sandals, $995, at Giuseppe Zanotti, Brickell City Centre; Triangle earring 30, $758, by Shihara at The Webster, South Beach; Diagonal Stripe ring, $295, at Jennifer Fisher.

Tell us about your hometown of Miguel Alves in Brazil.

I am in love with Brazil. I grew up by the river. We don’t have a beach in my hometown. Still to this day I take Alexandre there. We do fires by the river, and we fish with family and my best friends who I grew up with. I try to go back twice a year.

Take us back to the beginning of your modeling career. What was your first big break?

I was going to school to be a nurse. But a friend of mine was a model and told me about a contest they were doing in Sao Paulo. I didn’t think I had a chance because in the north, the [models] were very tall and thin. I didn’t think they’d be interested in Brazilians. But my friend insisted, and then the scouters from Sao Paulo came down [to my hometown] and chose me. Everything happened really fast. I stayed in Sao Paulo for three months. It was tough, because I had already had my kid. I was about to go back home and continue school, but then Fashion Week happened in Sao Paulo and Rio in Brazil. Scouters from New York came to Sao Paulo and they liked me, so I came to New York in 2009. My first job in NYC was Fashion Week, but campaignwise, it was Gap. I remember there was a big Gap store in Union Square, and I saw my face on the windows. I would pass by all the time just to see it because I couldn’t believe it. It was pretty cool.

DNA Spiral maxi dress, $1,250, at Off-White; pumps, $970, at Bottega Veneta, Luxury District; Stripe band pinky ring, $200, and Stripe band ring, $200, both at Jennifer Fisher.

What’s it like to balance your modeling career with motherhood?

I thank God I’m traveling less now. It’s still a little complicated, but he understands that Mama is working hard for the future and he’s proud. I miss him a lot when I travel, but it’s always so good to come home to him. He’s always so happy. He’s a very special one.

You also opened up on Instagram about his autism diagnosis. April is Autism Awareness Month. How can we get involved?

I always wanted to be involved with a charity that made sense for me, and I am working with my agency to put something together to use my voice for a good cause, especially because of my son. We have to understand more of what their needs are. I have to understand more. That’s why we’re trying to put something together and work closely with a charity that brings awareness to everyone. It’s in the process.

You have more than 2 million followers on Instagram. What’s it like to share such a big moment with so many people?

It’s crazy. Technology and Instagram play a very big role in our lives, and it can be good for us to have a voice. I try to post pictures of natural moments, not only professional moments, because I want people to know me, my personality, that I have a son, that I work, that I have fun. I think it’s pretty cool that we can inspire people to do good things. But it can also consume a lot of our time, so I try to balance that.

Denim jacket, $995, and striped blouse, $2,350, both at Versace, Design District.

There are a lot of changes happening in the fashion industry since you started modeling in 2009. How do you think the industry is changing for the better?

The industry is slowly learning and changing its perspective of beauty and being more inclusive and diverse. And that makes me really happy. Before it was straightforward. It had to be one way. It’s good for people to see and relate to the people who are in the campaign. I think what’s happening now in the industry is great.

What’s been your favorite experience in your career?

It actually just happened. I filmed a reality TV show in Brazil and it’s about diversity. It’s called Born to Fashion. It’s the same concept of America’s Next Top Model, but with transgender models. It was really beautiful to learn their stories and their struggles. It’s the first TV show in Brazil that’s giving them a voice and allowing them to express themselves and open people’s minds. I’m really excited for that. It’s airing in Brazil this May.

Who is somebody who you want to work with who you haven’t collaborated with yet?

Oh my gosh—there are so many! I was never a makeup girl, but lately I’ve been getting into it. I’ve been doing makeup tutorials on YouTube. I did one recently that was a Carnival look. But during fashion shows, I would always sit in Pat McGrath’s chair and she would do makeup so well. I would love to have a collaboration with her.

Dress, $14,900, at Valentino, Design District; Berry heels, $625, by Pyer Moss x Aurora James at Pyer Moss; necklace, $6,500, at Bottega Veneta, Design District; L’Arc de Davidor ring MM with cognac lacquered ceramic, $1,800, and L’Arc de Davidor ring GM in cognac lacquered ceramic, $2,750, both at L’Arc de Davidor.

How do you prep for a big shoot?

I think being in front of the camera is something that we get used to. As a new face, you’re a little scared. You just have to find yourself—you have to find your confidence and be aware of the people around you. As a model you have to be at peace with yourself and everything else will follow. And skincare is important...

Yes, and your skin is so flawless. How can we achieve that glow?

I use cleansers because I wear a lot of makeup all the time for work. And I love Clarins Hydra-Essentiel lotion. I use it every single day, every time I’m getting out of the shower. And I do the sauna every day as well. It’s really good for the skin, and it’s good for stress and sleeping—everything. And the sun is good for the skin. Be tan!

What does your fitness routine look like?

My favorite workout is Pilates. (I do not like to run!) I love Pilates because it engages every single muscle of your body. I also lift weights here and there, and I train with my fiance. He’s pushing me. It’s been really good to see how focused he is because he’s an athlete. It excites me and I want to do the same. And I love boxing because you have to be present and you don’t think about anything else. You’re just there.

Diamante sleeveless dress, $1,790, and crystal harness, $690, both at JW Anderson; sandals, price upon request, by Kenzo at Neiman Marcus, Bal Harbour Shops; L’Arc de Davidor ring GM with cognac lacquered ceramic, $2,750, at L'Arc de Davidor; Stripe ring, $200, at Jennifer Fisher.

Speaking of your fiance, do you have a wedding date set?

Oh boy. I’ve been planning! My dream wedding will be at the beach in Brazil next summer. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and the list is just getting bigger and bigger, which scares me. We have almost everything settled now. We have friends all over the world and it’s a little hard to get everybody together, but we are working on it. But I promise you, it’ll be really fun!

What do you love to do when you’re in Miami?

Sip a margarita on the beach! I also love to get sushi at Azabu.

Your mantra for 2020?

Be present. Live in the moment because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

                                                  Lais Up Close

                          The model answers our rapid fire-questions.

The show you’re binge-watching? Grace and Frankie. They’re so funny!

Hidden talents? Volleyball. I play really well. See, I’m so humble!

Last movie that made you cry? The Joker.

What stresses you out? I’m such a Libra. I don’t like when people are unfair. I like balance and justice.

What relaxes you? Hanging out and playing with my kid.

What’s the emoji you most commonly use? The emoji that’s crying and laughing tears. Or the salsa dancer.

What’s the weirdest app that you have on your phone? My son has so many apps on my phone, it’s crazy. He’s obsessed with TikTok. It’s very creative.

First thing you thought when your alarm went off this morning? I was thinking that my trainer told me to wake up too early and I was a little bit mad at him!

Celeb crush? My fiance. I’m an engaged woman! What are you trying to do?

Cheat meal? French fries. Pizza. Pasta. And guacamole! If I see it, it’s gone. I can’t resist guacamole.

Dress with sequin top and contrast embroidered fringes, $11,000, Gucci, Design District

[hecallsmehischild]

Recent Media Consumed

Movies

The Unicorn Store. “It’ll be mediocre at worst and pretty decent at best,” I said, in my infinite wisdom. What I got was actually a pretty good movie. It felt so surreal most of the time, but I think that was the point. Very solidly portrayed through the lens of a little girl smacking face-first into growing up. And then. Salvaging her dreams, metaphorically and literally, from the garbage heap and creating something beautiful with them. I think this one was good. Worth watching.

Gifted. This is one of those really good but hard sort of movies. The family dynamics are very painful to watch. It was very well done.

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil. One plot point was really confusing and not explained well (to me) but beyond that, this was a treat. Both visually and storytelling wise. It definitely exceeded my expectations.

Books

Beyond Boundaries by Dr. John Townsend. This answered some questions I had after reading Boundaries. If Boundaries felt like it was a bit too harsh, this book talks about the next step. Boundaries is for people who don’t know how to formulate them to begin with. Safe People is for people to help discern safe relationships (and diagnose unsafe ones) in their lives. Beyond Boundaries helps those who are emotionally healthier know how and when to allow people closer and how/when/with whom to be more permeable about those boundaries. I’d say these three books would be a good solid set for learning (fair warning, written with Christians in mind).

The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel. I had similar struggles with this book as I did with The God Delusion (Richard Dawkins) and for good reason. Both books tackle their topics in the language of a field (or in Strobel’s case, multiple fields) I’m unfamiliar with. Strobel is a journalist who’s interviewing experts, so he does a good job saying, “Okay whoah, back up and break that down for me,” but even so I couldn’t always follow where the experts were trying to lead. Those parts that I could follow, however, were pretty incredible. I understand the case for Intelligent Design is often mocked because its proponents sometimes come across as flagrantly vested in ignorance with “proofs” that make no sense. This is not that sort of thing. Each expert Strobel talks to has a deep passion for their branch of science and discovery, and each seems intent on finding the truth minus a bias. It’s a hard read, but worth trying to tackle.

Anime

Gurren Lagann. Tried this in college and dropped it halfway through. Tried to re-watch it on housemate’s rec’ to give it another chance. Dropped it FOUR episodes in this time. Fan-service, man. I can. Not. Deal.

Fanfiction

Mechanical Seal by Pantsless_Ghost. MSA oneshot. I wish there was more. It’s an interesting peek at the beginnings of a Selkie!Arthur AU, one of the rarer Arthur-as-a-type-of-mythological-creature types.

Flicker Out and Keep Pretending by crystalrequiem. MSA fics. The first is a story about Arthur working to recover from the cave incident, watching him plunge headlong into prosthetic design as Mystery, Vivi, and Lance try to keep him afloat. Watching their interplay and Arthur holding on ONLY for their sake… it’s a good character study. The second story is Vivi’s POV, dealing with amnesia. My favorite thing about this is the way the writer plays with font style and color to show us some of the way Vivi’s senses are screwed up now. Worth a read!

Fetch by Providendtially_Demonic. MSA oneshot. Really loving the Arthur-as-a-hidden-cryptid angle, but I didn’t think about {redacted} being anything other than what we canonically know him to be. Nice idea!

Sleeping Dogs by blazichu. MSA fic (incomplete). Even though it seems to be on semi-permanent hiatus, I can’t help recommending it. It seems like it’s leading to a really fascinating concept for Lewis’ backstory (if I’ve read the clues correctly), which are uncovered during a gang-is-back-together-and-playing-nice-paranormal-investigation. Maybe if we heap some love on it… *banks the fire*

Fine is a Four Letter Word by Providentially_Demonic. MSA oneshot. A look at Mystery’s aching over the state of his family, with some sparks of hope about its healing. A very sweet read.

Something Wicked by pitviperofdoom. MSA fic (incomplete). Again, I do wish there was more, but seems to be on semi-permanent hiatus. The gang pits themselves against a non-typical monster type, hoping to save Lewis’ sisters. Very enjoyable, right up until the cliffhanger from three years back…