#do not . i am your friend okay ?
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soon it'll be dawn again
transcript under the cut ⏬
page 01
Fig: no way? - you're still up?
Riz: Wh– yes?
Riz: Why'd I not be.
page 02
Fig: I me~~ean - that took.
Fig: whole day.
Riz: Yeah?
Fig: 'm beat.
Riz: you should sleep.
page 03
Fig: nah. my guy's still up
Fig: I wanna hang out.
page 04
Riz: That's really nice.
Fig: Hah! - Nobody ever expects an Archdevil rockstar to be nice.
Riz: … yeah. - 's just budget work tho. (the stuff I'm working on) - I've heard it's boring.
page 05
Fig: yeah, but you do it…
Riz: It keeps things going, right? - Nothing happens if nobody sits down and - does the thing.
Fig: That's right… - though. Yeah.
page 06
Fig: sometimes it's someone else who - doesn't want the same thing to happen.
Riz: … - mm.
page 07
Riz (off screen): …It took me a long time to get that not everyone likes doing what I do. - 's probably because you guys are so nice– - or. - kind.
Riz (off screen): to anyone too, not just. - the people you /love/.
page 08
Riz: that's not how it is elsewhere. - The world's– not. hostile. - but 's not like it's kind.
Riz: So I'm doing as much as I can now…
page 09
Fig: Hey.
Riz: ?
Fig: Go dig some dirt with me.
page 10
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - oh you meant like - actual dirt. (not incriminating information)
Fig: o yea.
Fig: there's clay in the backyard soil. - sometimes when I'm sun deficient or something I go touch dirt for a bit.
page 11
Fig: here u go
page 12
Riz: uh
Fig: now we make a thing! - 'm pretty good at freehanding a bowl.
Fig: I'll show u
page 13
Fig: just– yep, flatten that out as evenly as u can, then–! - actually ur nails'd be so good at cutting out the strip. [larger than usual space] wait. - wait. wait u can carve patterns with them! we HAVE to try
Riz: uh - What. do I carve?
Fig: anything!!!
page 14
Fig: and– yep just seal the inside uh. seam?
Fig: yep that works - okay time's up! all contestant hands up
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - okay - wh. what's next?
Fig: haha - watch this.
(sound effect text): FWOO—MP
page 15
Riz: WH– DON'T JUST DO THAT???
Fig: Now it's fired!
Riz: THAT WAS NOT SAFE
Fig: (actually it's just dry. if u add water rn it'll dissolve)
Fig: ok catch!
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - careful!!
Fig: dw no need haha
page 16
Riz (thought bubble): oh - it's warm…
Fig: now I want you to throw this.
page 17
Fig: u gotta do it - c'mon
page 18
Riz: wh– - It's like 3AM right now
Fig: oh it's not /fired/ fired it's not gonna make a loud noise
Riz: And then just? leave a pile out here?
Fig: pour water over it & it'll be gone I told u
Riz: but
page 19
Fig (off screen): RIz.
page 20
Fig: I've done all this before.
Fig: Can you trust that at least?
page 21
Riz: no, I– - I do. - I trust you.
page 23
Riz: okay what happens now
(sound effect text): glob
page 24
Fig: we do it again!
page 25
Riz: wh. [larger than usual space] What do you mean. (this clay's too wet also)
Fig: see! you're already learning
Fig: [blank speech bubble] - there are flows that are futile to fight. - The world changes.
Fig: Things change.
page 26
Fig: I've learned my lessons with "forevers". - But - as an artist
Fig: I can give you one thing: - You can always do it again.
page 27
Fig: most of everything depends on the rest of the world, - but this. - making new. - that's yours as long as you want it.
page 28
Fig: So?
page 29
Riz: Yeah. - Yeah! - let's make another one.
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#riz gukgak#figueroth faeth#technically no spoilers in this comic but listen. I Will be gloating in tags. I will Never Shut Up#for the record!! this was fully conceptualized and sketched Before the finales. I started sketching this after the boat fight#and when murph closed riz's arc this season with ''maybe it's okay to change and welcome new things'' I pogged irl#I am simply the best at reading comprehension what can I say! (<- grown ass man with roughly the same perspective on teenhood as the player#fucked up that this became so long (almost 30 squares lol) that it took me this long to finish#lmao I say all that but. genuinely I am delirious and my feelings abt riz's arc this season are so big... I was getting psychic backlash#for a While lol. it was scary!!#had to sit down and do therapy on my own ass for a bit. the teenage apocalyticisation is real. that word isnt tho Im pretty sure#truly anything you do at that age feels like that's it that's all you've got going on forever. and its not true! its simply not true#you'll be okay my guy. you love your friends so so much but also there will be more to love out there#this one goes out to fellow aroaces and also folks leaving somewhere theyve called home for a long time#nothing lasts forever but that means new things come by too! ur ability to make new is infinite!!#there's no magnum opus people leave but new people come by too etc. I am too sleepy to remember what I wanted to say uhhh#well. thank u for looking at my art. I think thats the one pack it n ship it boys
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my take at their humanization . hi aqua teen tumblr fandom 👋
okay so, i have a lot of things to say about what I've observed while i was lurking in the athf tag
1. you guys are way too horny about that damn milkshake and i do not like that . there's nothing sexy about an incel idk what are you guys on about i need to kill all of u for real . you know what . I'll start a shake simps hunting, i need to exterminate all of them . 500k chilean pesos for their heads , 200k for their tongues and fingers (so they cant draw him as a little twinky bitch or a buffy daddy bear panting and sweaty anymore)
2. and to follow up with previous point , YOU GUYS ARE NOT HORNY ENOUGH ABOUT FRYLOCK . i also do not like that . change it . right now
3. the majority of u are really scared to draw human meatwad as how jod intended; a fat ball of meat . good thing i ain't no pussy and came here to spread the word ... DRAW MEATWAD FATTER please 🩷
i am honestly not so satisfied with frylock's && shake's designs, they were the most difficult ones , meatwad took me like 10 minutes in total , i love him for that.. fry and shake might change as i draw them more prolly hmm we'll see . this was a good exercise tho, lineart came out so delicious i cant believe i did it with my very own hand, also the poses? YUM?? artstyle? omg im sucking my own dick . i need to practice designing more tho, i hate having to choose color palettes for characters that shit is so hard for me & u can tell here 🫤
dats all , i loev yuo guyz besos en la cola 💋
#athf#aqua teen hunger force#meatwad#frylock#shake#i am NOT fucking calling him ''master''#fanart#my artz#also dont take my ''aggressive '' tone seriously . i talk like that bcz i think is fjnny not bcz im actually mad#bcz i know some of u will take shit personally#do not . i am your friend okay ?
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TYPECAST: Khaotung Thanawat edition
#khaotung thanawat#the eclipse#tonhon chonlatee#2gether the series#moonlight chicken#a tale of thousand stars#55:15 never too late#only friends the series#my gifs#my edits#mine: khaotung thanawat#mine: typecast#userjamiec#tuserhidden#tuserrowan#tostrangers#joe from blacklist was meant to be here but the scene i wanted to use was ungiffable#but his description is 'no gay all panic'#zero isn't here because we don't know enough about him#but his description is 'maybe gay mostly panic inducing'#didn't do cause youre my boy or charming stepmom because i haven't watched em#yes i know jojo said ray was bi but SHRUG#ktnw typecast: gay panic. look me in the eyes and tell me i'm wrong.#i'm as weak for the os2 ayan opening his eyes as i am for original ofts trailer sand smoking so it goes in okay#55:15 is genuinely a lovely little show btw it destroyed me and i love it
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i have a plan for punctuation day everyone! so here's what i want you all to do!
my goal for the day is to get punctuation trending. is this too ambitious? maybe, but i don't care. i want everyone to appreciate punctuation a little
what are some things i can do you ask? well let's look at some things i could think of:—
you can make a post with every punctuation on it (but try, and here's the hard part) to put some text around it and not just list them all out
you can make up a new punctuation mark! for inspiration i would look at the works of people like hervé bazin, martin k specktor, or other people who tried to invent new punctuation
you can make a post about your favorite punctuation mark and why you like it
you can post anything related to punctuation really, those were my ideas but feel free to. i dunno. dress up as an interrobang or make art or something. go wild
so everyone! mark your calendars! september twenty fourth is the day we get #punctuation trending!
#i will do my best to tell everyone fun facts about the origins of different marks#i would really like for this not to be a flop okay so please tell your friends spread the news etc#i just would like to be a part of something big for once and i really like punctuation and i am so happy people have liked this blog#so i would appreciate it i guess#also it shouldn't be too hard i am sure everyone here has fun punctuation facts#anyways i am reblogging this everyday until the twenty fourth and you guys should spread it around i want to celebrate
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Okay gang, here's a silly little game. I've assembled six teams of blended Narnia and Tolkien/LotR characters. Here they are:
For bonus points, tell me in the tags where you're going on your road trip, who has what role (driving, snacks, aux) on the road, and what you'll stop off and see along the way
#this is shameless inspired by the lotr national parks poll#but the crossover potential is just too good#also for characters who wouldn't reasonably fit in said VW bus just handwave it#everyone basically fits okay?#narnia#pontifications and creations#ask me hard questions#tolkien legendarium#i myself am going with team 5 (to no one's shock)#we're gonna hit national parks across america#Bilbo and Treebeard can trade off as DJ#Eärendil gets to help drive and navigate#Lucy is in charge of snapping pics out the window#Reepicheep can lead us in some road trip games or something idk#i feel like this would be a really lovely group to just sit and stare at natural beauty in silence together#which is kinda my jam#occasionally pointing out something really especially lovely#would be fun#edit: as if I left put your fave character I'm sorry both these series have about a million so it was bound to happen#and for Narnia in particular I was trying to bias it towards Narnians rather than friends of narnia#also i was seriously tempted to do a 'team dragon' which would be all the tolkien dragons + eustace haha#polls
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i just finished dark heir
#me foaming at the mouth during the last chapters: HE IS! FUCKING! SAVING YOU!#i am huddled around will kempen hissing like a mama cat none of these fuckers are allowed to look at him#dark rise#okay but like. cyrian at literally every moment in the book you see will anticipating things and making connections#that you never make. doing things like a leader & being fucking smart and strategic. and your dumb ass really thought.#hm. must mean i shouldnt listen to him about the magic staff that can literally stop the end of the world. must be evil.#me: [screams into the abyss]#i know i cant expect characters to react like readers and they DID all react like i knew they would but god it was so infuriating!!!!!#and heart breaking! god!!!! god!!!!! will reliving his mother's initial betrayal over and over and OVER again#and thinking about all the little moments we get where the novel tells us: if these 'evil' characters had just been accepted#instead of tossed aside maybe they wouldnt have fallen. if they had been protected instead of killed maybe they would have#become protectors instead of killers. maybe if will's mom hadn't tried to butcher him for the sin of his own birth#he wouldn't have been so scared to tell people he lied to them.#anyway im not normal about will kempen and if book 3 doesnt give me his friends fucking accepting him i'll kill someone#me looking directly at visander: i dont care how charming you are i'll murder your ass about it#i read this book in like 5 hrs im being very normal about it
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There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.
#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep#the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them#really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying?#before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over#before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this#which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground#in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween#and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return#don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here#right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing#on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate.#maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe#but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts#long post
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Now is the time to take care of yourselves. Tomorrow, the people around you whom you know and love will not suddenly change because of an election result; the social climate around your work, school or town will be the same as it always was. We're all people, living our lives, and an election result cannot change us overnight. Things will change, however. Keep on keeping on and never stop fighting.
Protest, fight, wage war, if only to keep the society we know and those around us from falling into the ideals of the government; stay strong. Fear is how they control you. Fear and hate are at the core of the Republican party; hate of people of color, immigrants, LGBTQ+ people, women's rights. But, rest assured you won't meet an executioner on your way to work. The good of human beings will survive.
The best thing you can do for your country is to continue living your life, proudly and uncompromisingly. Stand with others, take a deep breath. Take one day at a time. We will survive.
#us elections#election 2024#harris-walz#i am so sorry#it's going to be okay#you will find a way to survive#that is all you can do#the usa may not#thats unimportant#take care of yourself and your family#reach out to a friend#do the best you can
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VOTE JIMMY
#.png#jimmy solidarity#empires smp#mcytblr sexyman#AND IF ANY OF MY FRIENDS SEE THIS UM. AVERT YOUR GAZE#fuck how do i tag this#listen he’s MOSTLY covered up do i even need a tag#it is 5am and i am feeling mildly insane it’s FINE everything is FINE#suggestive#okay yeah that works let’s go with that#and i realise this is not my doll jimmy design but ummmmmm screw you i can do what i want
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i don’t think people realize how alienating and lonely it is to not have romantic interactions as a teen. Not that i think being in a relationship at that age would do me any good but it would make me feel more normal and less unlovable for sure
#but we live 😁 with the consequences 😁 like i’ve just been thinking as one does or#when i do it it’s terrible because this is something for a diary but i’m on tumblr#i know some of you might relate lmfaoo but it really fucks you up when everyone is in#relationship being a normal typical teenager and ur like so i’m so ugly undeserving of love etc etc#and also when your friends are like *can’t even imagine you with someone* okay awesome#now i’m like whatever i had fun but you do learn a lot about yourself and others in a relationship and i never had that so i feel so dumb#now at 25 likeee who has the patience now anyway. How is everyone i am gonna make some pesto for lunch#homemade pesto with sremuš spinach garlic olive oil and nuts#tt
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The 1x00 AHiB -> 4x06 glowup
#this just reminded me I need to make a ''being there for your friends when they need you'' post#because that shit is EVERYWHERE#LIKE THAT'S ALL THEY FUCKING TALK ABOUT#''It's okay sandy! You're always there for us when we need you. The least we can do is be there for you when you need us.'' (4x06)#''No! Mei is my best friend. I'd never abandon her when she needs me—we're heroes! It's what we do!'' (3x10)#''You don't know! We'd risk it for sure! I won't abandon them when they need us'' (4x02)#''As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend- I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me.'' (2x08)#''Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him'' (3x08)#''No no honestly—this is exactly what I need right now. I'm trapped under a mountain- but the 6-earred macaque brought me a peach!''#(4x11)#Literally just the shit off of the top of my head#and then. And then that in contrast with#''I get it. I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?'' LIKE GOD DAMMIT LEGOS#You took the basic bitch ''Help you friends'' theme and went ''But what if helping your friend hurt others'' like come on man#Hello#Where am I#I'm dying. I'm dying#Okay imma go do hw......I guess....whatever....#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk parallels#lmk Sandy#lmk Mei#lmk Pigsy#lmk Tang#OH GOD ALSO. ''I will become someone they can depend on...the way I can always depend on them!'' (3x08)#AND#''But you're always there when I need you- so it's time for me to return the favor!'' (2x04)#Which also just ties into ''we'll figure this out together'' as a whole right#what. ever.
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Genuinely intrigued by the potential of Peri and Irep's dynamic but only in a platonic way so I end up not vibing with the fandom's portrayal of it 😔😔😔
(No but listen LISTEN they were kinda-almost-friends when we last saw them in FOP, yeah? Now they're enemies, with both actively fighting each other, and Irep going so far as to try and kill Peri's parents. What happened? When? What influenced it? Did they ever become friends, or did it nosedive the moment the cameras turned off? What about Sammy? How do Irep's parents factor into this? Could it ever be fixed? There's just so much we haven't seen, and romance just feels like too easy a solution to me. Let their friendship be easy to break, fragile. Let them have to work to keep the connection. Fairies and Anti-Fairies are literally made to be opposites, so what happens when two genuinely and truly become friends?)
((and yeah I guess a lot of this could factor into a romantic angle but ALAS the fandom seems to be leaning heavily into the funny toxic yaoi angle 😔 I don't mind it! By all means, please have your very harmless fun! But it ain't my jam :P Perhaps I'll have to write a oneshot myself...))
(((see tags for more rambles i guess. whoops a bitch spoke too much in there as he always does)))
#i'm banned (self inflicted) from writing long fics until i finish this one i'm working on#and honestly I might keep the ban afterwards i am SO BAD at working on long fics. never finished one ever#oneshot guy thru and thru. but painfully. disastrously. i have so many long fic ideas...#anyway I like to think that they did become friends#and then not friends. and then friends again. and then not friends. and then-#and sometimes it was Peri's fault but a lot of the times it was Irep not feeling like he was allowed to be Peri's friend#and doing something to break it off#but Peri would keep trying to be his friend or Irep would realize that he still wants to be#but one day. Peri just gave up#he was tired of this back and forth. of never knowing if he was gonna be friends with this guy tomorrow or not#so he stopped trying. decided that if Irep wanted to be friends again HE would have to be the one to try and repair it#and also give him an apology maybe. not for breaking off the friendship again just for all the fucking murder attempts#(''if i die you die too dumbass-'')#unforch this happened to line up with Irep finally reconnecting with Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda again#and with them discouraging being friends with fairies + peri not trying to fix it this time... it. uh. kinda broke it off for good#('maybe not for good. maybe there's a chance. maybe Irep would-... ugh. it's not worth thinking about...')#Sammy's still friends with both of them though. It is Not Fun#gives Sammy my childhood experience of my two fighting friends wanting to sit with me at lunch but refusing to talk to each other#okay damn this post got long af. did not realize i had thought about this so much until i practically dropped a fic down here#anyway. actual tags? actual tags#fop#fairly oddparents#the fairly oddparents#peri fop#irep fop#peri fairywinkle-cosma#uh. do ppl search irep's full name... augh#irep anti-fairywinkle-anti-cosma#congrats elkniwirep your name fucking sucks. it's awful#a new wish
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I think some inherent comfort of the party’s relationship, of why they’re so tightly knit and wholesome, is that it’s kinda the embodiment of "people that care for each other unconditionally, so much so that you could be the biggest freak on Earth and they would still not turn their back to you". Like, Laios’ whole character arc is that he was scared of others and their judgement, that he should hide a big part of himself and his interests to be tolerated if not accepted… But showing himself to others was the road through which the party bonded and got closer, and by the end of the story Laios literally turns into his monster because it was his biggest wish and everyone sees it and also he eats his human body a lot. After that he runs to the woods and is so scared of everyone not wanting to see him again, but y’know what. It’s fine his party still loves him, and aghhhh ouch my heart
I think also, Izutsumi was central to the party having a found family feel. The party was mostly made of work colleagues acquaintances, but adopting a stray/teenager that has no one on the way in your grand adventure really makes the whole family vibe skyrocket.
#Laios is kinda that “be so authentically yourself that it inspires others” thing#Dungeon meshi manga spoilers#SPOILERS#Dungeon meshi#The new year drafts purge#But yeah like. Be a little too ready to do necromancy? Y’know we don’t LIKE it but. It’s okay we’ll stick by ya.#Bro you CHEATED on your wife?? I am giving you the death stare forevermore but like I still care about you I’ll be worried if a horse break#Your arm. Oh you lied bc not knowing why she left you makes you feel foolish? HUH. Anyways I’m going to shower you in optimism#Sorry marchil possessed me again#If you’re a nasty cat teen who introduced yourself to everyone by threatening murder with a knife and doesn’t respect anyone or anything#… Sigh ok you can still snuggle with me in bed.#The ‘I will not eat any monster no I refuse’ to ‘asking a kingdom’s worth of people to indirectly eat your friend’s sister’ pipeline real#The pipeline is understanding and good faith and unity and love#meta
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And now my art has been reposted on tiktok, have I finally made it as a creator? 🥺 But like seriously my god, I didn't think I had to say but don't repost??????? I think I've been pretty safe from it cause I normally just draw AU art but ahh making relevant art, it's a dangerous game....I just yeah, don't necessarily know what to do about it, but yeah just don't please?
#i have so much sympathy for all the gifmakers on here getting reposted and i totally understand#but art?????? art now????????? you cannot even make the same 'its easy' argument as with gifs/clips#because i literally made that from my head 😭😭😭😭#sorry i just dont wanna sound like im saying 'your reposting woes arent as bad as mine!!' more just: i am aghast#its not okay even if you credit bcs bruh i dont want my art out there#it was for all my vettonso fuckers on here 🥺#i just dont understand it like not even asking at all just crediting#wow thanks. that makes it so much better. wow.#ITS MY SHIP ART I DO NOT WANT THAT ON TIKTOK!!!! even if it was just normal art!!! no thank you!!!!!!#and being credited is almost worse bcs bruh the 'skitskatdacat63 from tumblr' THIS IS MY SAFE PRIVATE SPACE OKAY#thank you to grace for telling me <3 i really appreciate it#ugh i wanna make like a direct callout but i hate confrontation(thank you for the support tho cofi lmao)#but i will complain!#it just really sucks that i have to say this#its also really not any of you guys. i trust all my friends 100% 🥺 so i hate that i have to say this yknow#but UGHHHHHH PISSES MW OFF SO MUCH#and also. it was a shitpost 😭 pick better art to repost(joke)#but the way my heart dropped when i saw 😭 im like. is nothing sacred anymore?#catie.rambling.txt
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dawg pls dont interact w/my more explicit posts if you're a kid oh my lord 😭😭 this is your only warning after this imma start blocking
#spacie spoinks#YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!!#IT MAKES ME FEEL STRANGE AND UNCOMFY!! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#YOU'LL BE ABLE TA DO IT WHEN YOU TURN 18 OKAY WAIT UNTIL THEN LIKE I DID#i really dont care if minors follow me but PLEASE have the awareness that i am an ADULT and will post about ADULT THINGS#that you SHOULDNT INTERACT WITH IF YOU ARE A CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#oye vaye#OYE VAYE....#YOU CANT HAVE THESE CONVERSATIONS WITH ME. I AM AN ADULT GO HAVE THEM W/YOUR FRIENDS WHO ARE OF THE SAME AGE
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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