#do kids still say spoof?

[kuuttituutti]

Aw nuts /Hereditary

We can all agree that this song slaps right?

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I don't think non-New Yorkers know how funny Miles and Wiles having Jordans is.

Like it's REALLY funny and really Brooklyn - New York of him.

Miles, Wiles, and Jordan Sneakers - Clever Cultural Characterisation

[A MEDIUM length post were I talk about Brooklyn Sneaker Culture and it's use in ATSV]

Have you ever wondered -

Why is Miles the only one wearing branded clothing?

When all other brands are either spoofed or replaced, why is Miles - the main character wearing such VERY BLATANTLY branded sneakers?

And why is Nike, a random shoe brand, the choice to go with?

There's a reason the creators show Miles' creativity and personality through his shoes.

And it's because

JORDANS HAVE A CHOKEHOLD - on Black Guys in High School from NYC

And this might be bizarre to some and idk if it translates to other black communities- (please tell me if it does)

But here in Brooklyn, almost every masc guy in my high school was OBSESSED with Jordans. Most guys I knew can name certain releases by looking at them, and had multiple pairs in different colors

JORDANS WERE LIKE SOCIAL CURRENCY - from middle school all the way to college. And it's a very cultural thing here in Brooklyn.

What colors you had and how many are something you bragged about. Many guys own multiple different colorways of Jordan's and will WAIT in line hours for a new release.

There's a store call Flight Club here in the city, and sometimes you'll see the line going out the door, of well dressed black guys waiting for the new release of Nikes to start going on sale.

Of course Adidas is popular, but no where near the culture hold as Nike to us.

I remember begging my parents for like a week until they brought me Black Air Force 1s

And I STILL have them over ten years later. They're too small, but they're holding up well. And even until this day, my home town is lined with sneaker stores. There's one around the corner from me rn.

Here it really is natural for guys LOVE JORDANS and to use them as a form of self expression. It's not odd for Fashion is on the minds of black guys in Brooklyn.

Even in high school, guys were matching their outfits and always trying to get the latest brand name. Mind you, this is an inner-city school full of 98% low income black kids. For us that was a social language.

Some shoes even have their own 'personalities' tied to them:

For example:

Black Air Force 1s (the one above) are often called 'hit a lick' shoes. Hitting a lick means to rob someone. So there's this idea that if you have those on you about that action lol it's an chill inside joke though it isn't serious.

White Air Forces are seen for guys who DON'T do that because they're too worried about getting their white ass shoes so clean.

Keep the above in mind for the next part

Hair cuts - like shape-ups and fades, Backpacks, and Shoes are three big things that were a fashion influence in my high school HARD.

Trends also are a big thing here, and they come on really quickly. I remember for maybe four years a brand called Sprayground got big, and after all SO many high school kids started collecting these $80 bags in all different colors. I wanted one so bad.

A lot of them had illustrations of things like money or weed.

If you see a mfer with the shark mouth bookbag RUN he's the biggest fuckboy you've ever met.

Which is to say - !42 WOULD HAVE ONE OF THESE BAGS

Guys get SO INTO THEM

How many of the iconic orange boxes that you lined up in your room (yes they keep them) was something you boasted about.

MFers would deadass have this in the corner of their room and bring you over talking about sum 'it's decor' SIR IT'S A HOARDING ADDICTION

They'll walk different, and NEVER squat, because doing that might crease the leather along the toe box. And creased Jordans are not fresh so what's the point - they're ruined. A guy in my class use to being plastic bags and tie them around his ankles when it rained then he walked home.

Like look at this Reddit post I found -

'is he stupid' 😭😭that's so mean but like here EVERY guy just assumes you know not to do that to Jordans ever

And that's why the creators do it - AND THEY DO IT WELL

And it's so impressive their deep understanding of this very specific thing that happens in mostly black high schools in NYC.

Cause that's not something you can just search up and research really.

Because of our culture - Miles & Miles!42's shoes are a silent language in their own right.

Like Miles!42's shoes are one of the first things we see about him.

They're the first thing we're suppose to notice - because it let's is compare him to Miles.

Miles' Jordans are iconic - the white and red shoes.

They're clean and white, with pops of color and personality. Like Miles, he's about being the good of Spider-man, while also getting himself and adding his own colors to it.

And because it's natural to the character and the culture, they let his shoes be the signal that Wiles is not like Miles. He has a different style, in fighting, in speaking, in personality, from his hair literally down to his shoes.

REMEMBER HOW I TALKED ABOUT SHOES HAVING PERSONALITY AND THE BLACK AIR FORCES ??????

Wiles' shoes are VERY similar to Black Air Force 1s. It's basically that with utility bags and purple detailing.

That's a signal - like I said: WILES IS ABOUT THAT ACTION. He's here to get his lick back.

From his standpoint, as a black guy from Brooklyn with his personality, he would know about this culture. He'd know the message black Nikes send where he's from.

It'd be natural for him - Hell yeah he'd go for the black Jordans.

He's speaking his social language.

Wiles' doesn't have to say 'fuck around and find out' he got on Air Forces with bags on them - HE'S ABOUT IT.

The writers didn't wake up one day and say 'Oh Nike wants a brand deal?! Okay cool'.

They don't show Wiles' shoes to be like 'LOOKY BUY THE NICE SHOES' - We are shown this shot

For them to be like : This is who Miles!42 is.

Because of sneakers.

Isn't that COOL? ISN'T IT. ISN'T IT COOL THE SOCIAL DYNAMICS OF INNER CITY BLACK KIDS IN NEW YORK??

But it's really funny to me to see Wiles shoes and be like 'damn he bout to fuck Miles up'.

THE IDEA OF THEM FEIGNING OVER JORDANS Fyyofydyogoc

Do guys where you are do this?? Like is this a thing y'all know any Sneakerheads.

Anyway I would put a pic of Hobie but I'm on mobile so they won't let me and I'm lazy

Bye.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

While "the network wants an episodic kids show, the authors want an epic dark complicated narrative" would explain A LOT about ML's problems, I'd still like to note that there are kids' shows that can do both, going full range from "mostly episodic with a sprinkle of narrative" (Kim Possible, MLP), to "heavily narrative but with episodic breather/filler episodes" (Gravity Falls, WITCH, the Owl House), with many variants in-between.

Even the transition from "fully episodic" to "more narratively-connected" that ML attempted to do can be done successfully - the aforementioned Gravity Falls and WITCH were more episodic in season 1 and more narratively driven in season 2.

However, I'd say there are a few other key problems that can be inferred from what we have:

The show tries too many things at once - as you have pointed out repeatedly. Magical girl and rom-com, single-hero, duo and team stories, wacky comedy and serious trauma, even trying to give several characters a redemption and a damnation arc at the same time (and failing with either). Apparently, it's not just TF vs writers: it's writers severely disagreeing with each other (see Thomas and Vincent's opinions on Chloe), and also trying to one-up the fans. Also, simply thinking too much of the work, which leads us to...

ML's total lack of self-awareness. Another famous case of a show that was almost entirely episodic is Phineas and Ferb. They use the same formula (the brothers build, Candace busts, Doof makes an Inator and is thwarted by Perry) over and over for four seasons. And by mid-season 1, the authors have been making fun of the structure, lampshading it, spoofing and twisting it, playing with "What if" episodes and never taking itself too seriously. When ML tries to be self-aware, it becomes either insulting to the fans (Animaestro), horrifically dark (Chat Blanc) or plain cringe (Simpleman). This is exacerbated by Astruc's arrogance and inability to ignore critics.

Is it possible to make a highly complex, genre-busting, yet kid-friendly story and succeed? Yes. But it needs to be better thought-out - if not from the start, then at the moment the network allows one to deviate from the formula.

And if all else fails and the story becomes too complicated and too repetitive at the same time... Well, self-awareness and the ability to make fun of one's own work can turn a sad mess into a hilariously fun disaster.

P. S. Love your posts as always, you are the main reason I'm still in the fandom!

Thank you for the kind words! I'm so glad that you're enjoying my stuff and I agree with all the things you brought up.

A big part of the reason that Miraculous is so fascinating to me is that there ISN'T a single cause of the issues. There are so many valid ways to discuss the show's problems. It's a masterclass in bad writing and what not to do!

It's why I'm able to run this blog. If it was as simple as, "here's the single reason why it's bad and here's how you fix that" or if the show never had any potential, then there wouldn't be much to talk about. But it did have potential and there is no single reason why it's bad. The causes are multitudinous as are the potential fixes! It feels like investigating some complex wreckage or an elaborate murder mystery in order to understand what the hell happened, which is really fun if you like talking about writing.

I find it much harder to discuss writing in an informative way if you only have good examples to draw from because that path risks stifling creativity. Just because a popular story did a thing well doesn't mean that story showed us the only way to do the things or even the best way to do the thing, but that's often the lesson people seem to learn. They see a thing that they like or even just a thing that audiences liked and want to copy it without understanding the full nuance of why they liked it.

A great example of this is Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender. He was such a well-written and popular character that all these properties started copying him even though the properties in question did NOT have a setup that worked for a Zuko. Praising Zuko won't really tell you all the ways that Zuko could have failed. Meanwhile, a case study of Chloe vs Zuko or even just a general discussion of Chloe lets you actually talk about the various styles of redemption arc and what you have to do to make them feel real. It's also far more interesting than talking how Zuko could have failed because Zuko didn't fail so why are we even talking about this? It's also far more interesting than talking about a bunch of properties that did redemption arcs well because that would require you to have seen all of those properties. But Chloe is from a single property and she did fail and people understandably have wildly different feelings about what the failure was because the writing was so bad, which means that digging into her writing is way more likely to hold your interest and teach you something.

This gif really does sum it up perfectly:

[Image description: scene from the movie Knives Out where the detective Benoit Blanc exclaims "It makes no damn sense! It compels me though" to explain his feelings on an ongoing murder mystery that he's trying to solve]

As does the old adage, "failure is the greatest teacher." Of course, no one ever said that it had to be your failure!

[dear-ao3]

look we all sing and praise phineas and ferb until the cows come home (and rightly so) but we are all absolutely sleeping on fetch with ruff ruffman.

the opening of season four is so entirely unhinged. his evil identical twin brother steals all his belongings (including his assistant chet the mouse) and sells them online for some reason and he has no more fancy pants so he can’t take the poodle next door charlene to the poodle ball and he gets a fax saying he’s fired but it’s signed as “ha ha” which his assistant supervisor blossom pepperdoodle von yum yum says is most likely just a joke but no ruff thinks that it’s from harriet hackensack who just bought their tv station and hates dogs so he decides that he is going to go to australia where she is to get his job back so his grandma buys him back his computer (and chet) from his evil brother and then blossom hands him a book that she wrote about converting your dog house into a car or submarine running in alternative fuel so they decide to harness the power of chinese food (oil) to convert the dog house which ends up looking like a chicken car and go to australia but they didn’t build a submarine so it starts to sink until they use a bunch of pineapples in a net to make the ship float then they encounter ruffs ancestor who’s a spoof on blackbeard and they escape attack because ruff tells him to go on his website on pbskids and play science games and then they discover that auditions for season 4 contestants were actually today and ruffs usual dog murray resigned and replaced himself with hank who is a bulldog so hank has to audition 3000 kids to be contestants on fetch then they accidentally eat the pineapple floating their ship and crash land on an island and it turns out it’s poodle island which is like alcatraz for dogs and they arrest ruff because they mistake him for his evil identical twin brother scruff and he escapes though a tunnel scruff dug after finding notes scruff wrote about hitting banks hard and then they finally make it to australia where ruff dresses as a cat and goes to talk to harriet it gets stuck in the cat costume and harriet kicks him out after hiring blossom who comes back and tells ruff that harriet hates dogs because a dog named murray stole her sled named rosebud when she was a child and that murray was ruffs old employee and ruff still has the sled but then it brakes and he gets a call from his nephew glen saying that he will give him his lugeing sled if he enters the world lugeing competition dressed as a troll and then he gets a call from his great uncle mcruffmantosh saying that he can’t because one of his ancestors a thousand years got in a fight with a norwegian ice fairy and cursed all rugfmans who get on a sled but ruff decides to do it anyway and names the sled the rosebud 2 and plans to dedicate his win to harriet so he can get his job back but surprise scruff his evil brother is also at the competition and reveals that he sold ruffs stuff to pay for luge training so he could break the norwegian ice fairy curse and they team up and come in dead last place but make history as the first ever canine luge team and harriet is very moved by their performance and ruff asks her for his job back and she says she never fired him so the whole throng was a joke the whole time fabricated by ruffs nemesis spot spotnick who bought ruffs fancy pants to take charlene the poodle next door to the poodle ball but ruffs pants are so fancy that they have a self destruct button and he destructs them and embarrasses spot and then they announce the contestants on the show. like. who pitched that.

(it’s all on youtube)

[zee-rambles]

To celebrate the one year anniversary of the Rise of TMNT Movie, what is something you love the most about it that you don’t see anyone either talking about as much, or at all?

LONG POST COMING! Two things really…

1. The Lack of Romance in it.

I’ve seen one too many great shows be ruined by shipping, and one thing that annoys me more then anything is when you have a girl/woman and they’re almost always relegated to a love interest role. Almost every kid’s TV show (and a LOT of adult oriented ones) has to have a romantic element in it, but I’ve yet to see a single one that actually has a good one (besides Kim Possible, but that’s only because we were allowed to see the characters in a healthy, stable relationship). The fact that neither April, Sunita, Casey, Karai, nor Big Mama had to be pigeonholed into a romantic interest role is such a big plus for me. Even though Big Mama was later revealed to have had a relationship with Splinter, she was set up as a character first. Not only that, but each of the women are unique, funny, allowed to be a part of the action without anyone else telling them to step back, and have interesting or strong bonds with the group they are part of. If they do ever bring Rise back, I hope they continue to not focus on romance at all, straight, gay, or otherwise. Even though I joke about the boys falling for someone and Leo being bisexual, I wouldn’t want it. The focus on family, on brother/sisterhood, is so healthy and wonderfully depicted in this show. It’s rare to see something that reminds you that love doesn’t have to be romantic to be powerful.

2. The fact that the show is silly.

TMNT has always been silly. Even back in the first comic, though things were a lot more violent, it was clear that this was a spoof to make fun of how comically (pun intended) dark certain comics were at the time. Nowadays, a lot of people believe that for a show to be worth something it has to be serious in order to be taken seriously. I think that’s a load of baloney. The whole reason why the Marvel cinematic universe did so well is because it isn’t serious. It’s full of goofy jokes, characters, and moments where the heroes rise up regardless of their numerous failures. Avatar is one of the most beloved shows out there and its main character is a goofy kid, a overly logical genius that couldn’t’ get anything right in the beginning, and a sarcastic, hopeful stick in the mud. The first few episodes talks about a war and then shows a single kid literally prancing his way out of a dangerous predicament. The best shows are the ones that understand that balance. That life is, for the most part, light hearted and full of silly, often ridiculous moments. These shows also realize that when the threat is real, it’s time to get serious. Rise has that balance, just like the original Teen Titans did. Older TMNT fans really went against the one thing that is this show’s greatest strength. Stories that endure the longest, are the ones that are fun, but know how to affect you emotionally. That’s why TMNT is still a thing after all this time. And Rise handles the emotions well, only because we’ve seen the characters at their happiest. Because then, when things get real, we’re heartbroken that they don’t succeed, that they’re suffering. We want them to be happy again, just like we do in real life when times are tough. It’s no wonder so many people love Rise and say that it got them through tough times. The show knows what it’s doing.

AND IT DESERVES TO COME BACK!

[tinynerdz360]

Future Ghost Chapter 3

Flashback:

(Danny in the far frozen talking to a Doctor; a ghost Yeti named Doctor Bonechiller.)

Danny: So, Doc…... I have a question…. It’s something I’ve noticed…I don’t think I’ve been aging…I mean, I still look the same as I did last year. When will I get my growth spurt?

Doctor Bonechiller: Well, that’s a complex question. Ghosts don’t age like humans. We don’t change year to year like you, or well mortals do. We grow stronger with age, not weaker.

Danny: I know that….my worry is I’ll be stuck looking like a fourteen-year-old forever. Do ghosts ever age physically, or do they get stuck at the age they died?

Doctor Bonechiller: Hmmm…. yes and no. Different factors go into this. We don’t change with the years. We change with events, trauma, personality, wants, and desires. If you were a natural-born ghost child, a little younger, or even now, I’d say having a healthy parental or guardian bond would help with growing and changing.

Danny: Well, my parents are ghost hunters; I don’t know what they’d do….

Doctor Bonechiller: That may play a factor. A young ghost like yourself needs to feel safe to change. But wanting to grow will help as well, there are ghosts that never want to ‘grow’ up as you say.

Danny: Yeah, like Youngblood. I guess he’ll really stay young forever.

Doctor Bonechiller: Don’t look so glum; we’ll keep an eye on it. As a hybrid, your body might react completely differently from a human or a ghost. You are very young, only a year by ghost standards. You are a child; your body might just be finding that balance or even need years to change. As I said, multiple factors go into this, at least for us.

Danny: Jeeeezzzz that’s not comforting at all…...*sigh* thanks for help I guess….

Danny avoided Sick Bay at all costs, wary of being examined and discovered. He knew Dr. McCoy would want to do a full workup on the new ensign, as per Starfleet regulations. So, Danny hacked into the medical database, forging records indicating he had already undergone orientation examinations. Danny was lucky that Dr. Mccoy didn’t have to be the one to personally do the examination. Anyone on his staff could do it. So, it was just a matter of forging a digital signature.

 He figured he’d be fine. Doctor Bonechiller said ghosts rarely get sick, and when they do, it’s not something humans can usually get, and he theorized as a halfa, the same would apply to him. In theory, anyway. The data on this was extremely limited. Danny brushed those thoughts aside; he’d be fine……. probably.

It was a risky gambit, but Danny's ghost abilities served him well, allowing him to merge his consciousness with the computer network and hack into the files he needed. He spoofed the system flawlessly, fabricating biometrics and test results that appeared normal for a human 18-year-old. Or at least what he thought was normal. His talents lay with machines and astronomy, not medicine. Well, besides the basic first aid and his experience fixing his own wounds. It probably would be fine; he’d just have to stay under the radar.

Danny jolted out of his thoughts as a large hand landed on his shoulder.

“You are alright there, kiddo? You’ve been staring at the same panel for a while.” Daryl McDonnell questioned, a concern tilted to his British accent.

Daryle McDonnell had taken Danny under his wing—quite frankly, the whole engineering department had. Danny was the youngest among their ranks, regardless of whether he was eighteen or not. There had been some speculation that the kid was lying. But his file checked out. It was not an easy thing to pull one over the ship's CMO. So those rumors died to jokes about his baby face appearance.

“I’m not a kid.” Grumbled Danny at his friend. The older man showed him a lot of patience during his first week aboard. Danny had struggled with completing basic tasks. Like completing reports, navigating the ship (often getting lost), and getting too wrapped up in awe of being in space or getting lost in his work tasks.

 The other man patiently showed him how to write a good report and submit it, made sure he had access to the ship's policy and manual and even made him take breaks to eat or get off shift. Danny was so relieved that Daryle never questioned his lack of knowledge.

“haha….eh you’re the youngest one here, you get to be the kid. When you’re my age, you’ll get it.” Mcdonnell replied. Waving his hand to dismiss Danny’s annoyance.

“What when I’m 100?” Snarked Danny.

McDonnell mocked offense, grabbing his chest. “Careful, my old heart can’t take it.”

 Danny ducked his head as he snickered. As a ghost, Danny had empathetic abilities, like the betazoids, but without the mindreading. He could feel the emotions of those around him. He couldn’t turn it off, and his core needed it. The emotions fed his ghostly side. The warm, affectionate fondness radiating from the lieutenant made him feel happy, his ghost side greedily absorbing the emotion and feeding it into his core.

McDonnell guided Danny away from the computer panel. “So, a few buddies of mine are having poker night in the mess hall. I’ve invited the other ensigns from the Prodigy program. You should come.” Mcdonnell offered. “I’m sure you know a few of them. I hear the prodigies are a tight-knit group back at the academy.”

“Pro…prodigy?” Danny mumbled in confusion. *Is he calling me smart? I guess I’m smart* Danny froze as he was hit with a wave of emotion. The Sharp sting of suspicion, skepticism, disbelief, and a smidge of concern. Danny looked back up at the forty-year-old man.

McDonnell gave Danny a strange look, side-eyeing him as he looked down at the shorter ensign. “You know. The Starfleet program, that allows minors into the academy. The one you would have had to have been in to be on the enterprise today? You’d have had to have joined at fourteen……or sixteen if you’re really smart. To get through the program?” McDonnell looked at Danny with a look of skepticism.

He eyed the scars on the ensign’s arms; his uniform sleeves were rolled up. He didn’t like how many scares the kid had or the Lichtenberg figure scares trailing up from the ensign's left hand all the way up his arm. It baffled him how he even managed to get a scar like that. While, yes very common for engineers to get a shock, lichtenberg figures should fade with time. Or why the ensign never got them removed with the help of modern medicine. Hell, sickbay could remove them with a dermal repair kit. Unless the kid was avoiding sickbay.

McDonnell watched as Danny stared at him in disbelief. He felt amused to see the kid gap at him like a fish, his mouth opening and closing as he processed this information and tried to answer.

While concerning the kid seemed to have no idea what he was talking about. His reaction only added to McDonnell's own theory. He suspected the kid had hacked his way in. The kid was smart, he’ll give him that, and he would have thrived in the prodigy program. But there were holes in the kid’s story, and he had so many gaps in his knowledge. McDonnell figured he came from some abusive home on a backwater colony and, in desperation, hacked his way in. But the kid was painfully bad at lying, and while he was a good kid who tried hard to please everyone, he could have come up with a better cover story. He might even be eighteen, like he says, but coming from a rough home would explain any growth delays.

Danny, meanwhile, was flabbergasted. *Omg, what do I do? I don’t know any of those other ensigns! Why am I so stupid? They let minors in! omg, omg, I’m so screwed. Oh god, oh god, does Daryl know? Great going, Fenton; how did I mess up this badly? * As Danny's mind raced and he panicked, he felt his chest tighten and his breaths coming in shorter and shorter. *Maybe I can still save this. Play it cool, Fenton, you can fix this. *

“DANNY!” Danny snapped out of his rushing thoughts at the shout of his name. At some point, McDonnell had guided him to a chair. He was grasping both of his shoulders, crouching down to look in his face. “Hey, you stopped breathing there. It's okay to take deep breaths; copy me. That’s right. It’s ok.”

Danny tried calming down, following McDonnell’s breathing pattern. He felt embarrassed and sacred.

“You’re looking paler than usual. How about I take you to Medbay?”

“NOO!” He pushed himself out of the chair, side-stepping McDonnell’s concerned hands. “I’m fine……I just got overwhelmed….”

“There’s something I need to tell you, Don.” Danny took a deep breath. Danny tried to ignore McDonnells's hopeful look as he gave him his undivided attention. “I…...I…...have social anxiety…..I was always a loner at the academy; I never really interacted with the others in the program…. The program I was…did go to. So, I just got overwhelmed there.” Danny stuttered out. *ha! NAILED it!*

McDonnell’s face morphed into a look of disappointment. Danny felt his face heat up; he could taste the disappointment coming off the other man. “uh huh…... Danny…..I hope you know you could tell me anything……or there’s others onboard you could talk to.”

“There's nothing to tell!” Danny hissed. He felt frustrated and had a creeping feeling of being trapped. He could not admit to one lie; one truth would lead to another and another until it unraveled into his most guarded secret. While the future seemed awesome and accepting of all walks of life. Danny could not shake the doubt and fear that they would still reject him. And he wasn’t stupid, humanity still had some biases. While humanity moved past most of its hate, people still had trouble accepting humans with extra abilities. Those with augmentations and those with psionic abilities. It was perfectly fine when it was an alien but a human. That was crossing the line. Danny could not handle a rejection right now; he was isolated enough.

McDonnell backed off, holding his hand up in front of him. “Ok, ok, there’s nothing to tell. I just thought you’d benefit from hanging out with your own age group.”

“What do you mean, my own age group,” Danny asks with a grumpy, suspicious glare. If he had to defend his age one more time, he swore to Clockwork, he’d lose it.

“I mean, these other ensigns are eighteen and seventeen. It’d be good for you.” McDonnell answered, choosing not to give him a hard time. He hoped one day the kid would confide in him or anyone really. He hated seeing how Danny flinch when someone raised their hands too quickly around him or how he would shy away in fear of them. He knew the kid was hiding stuff, probably stuff he shouldn’t, but cornering him would just make it worse.

Danny winced. “Fine, I’ll go.”

McDonnell gave him a big smile, reached out, and ruffled his hair, earning him a squawk from Danny. “Good, see you later tonight kiddo. Now go rest; you look paler than a ghost!”

Danny spluttered as McDonnell walked off. *HA! If only you knew. Oh, clockwork, how am I gonna survive tonight? * Danny dropped his head in his hands. He was so screwed. With a sigh, he headed to his quarters. He knew how he was going to spend his time, brushing up on current topics and what was popular. It would be just his luck if he couldn’t connect with this century’s teenagers. Hopefully his roommate was out, his room mate was the worst always giving him a hard time or questioning him. He could taste the sourness of his suspicion. One Walton Weston.

Chapter 4

[popculturebuffet]

HCG: Garfield His 9 Lives Retrospective: The Special (Patreon Review for Emma Fici)

Hello all you blues cats paying your dues and welcome back to my look at the three faces of Garfield His 9 Lives. Last time we covered the book which was excellent for the most part from some good comedy to excellent horror.

So now we're onto the second part of this unintentional trilogy. The book was clearly either a success or a good enough idea that not only did Film Roman make a special out of it but unlike the others this big chonky boy is an hour long. It's something I forgot but you yourself can experince as the specials are all on Peacock and Tubi, and I highly recommend this one off the bat.

9 Lives takes the basic premise of the book and adapts it decently for animation: There is still a good chunk of segmetns that use the regular garfield style, but some vary it up a bit in ways similar to the book if not as radical to keep the budget down.

The bigger change is that 4/9 of the segments are replaced. Only Cave Cat, the Garden, Lab Animal, Garfield and Space Cat remain, largely unchanged. Babes and Bullets is gone but was made into it's own excellent special, while The Vikings, the Exterminators, and Primal Self are just gone.

If I had to guess why, the Vikings might of been hard to replicate on a bduget with it's fantasy style illustrations, hence the much cheaper King Cat in it's place. The Exterminators coudl've been a rights thing, since some stooges shorts were under copyright, but it could've just as easily been a time thing as the special exclusive stunt cat is only a minute long. Finally we have primal self, the only one where it's damn obvious WHY it didn't happen

This version is the most popular, likely because while the book is clearly known and loved, it hasn't been reprinted. it was printed enough that thankfully it's cheap to get and the Internet Archive makes it avaliable, but far as I can tell it hasn't been reprinted in decades. The special on the other hand has 80's nostalgia for the kids who were there at the time, got a release on the garfield fantasies dvd (Alongside babes and bullets of course.. and a indiana jones spoof with a dash of james bond that is far more foregatable but fits the astetic), and is as I mentioned currently avaliable for free under garfield and friends on tubi or on it's own on peacock. It's way easier to see the specail and for it to get more word of mouth. I even saw it first before the book thanks to said dvd. So the question is how does this more popular adaptation hold up to the OG? Let's find out under the cut and once again learn when you've got 9 lives you've got nine ways to loose.

Directed by Phil Roman, who Co-Directs all other segments

I love the title cards in this version too. And it starts the same way: Jim Davis is god

And orders the creation of cat. It looses a bit of luster as oversaturated footage of paws inc isn't as fun, but I do like the booming voice of god, played by C. Lindsay Workman who played the old man in the halloween special and Garfield's Grandpa in Garfield on the Town. The punchilne's also not as strong as rather than revealing him as a cat he just says "It'd make for an intresting story". This is understandable as they save this for the ending. More on that when we get there. For now this segment is alright and workman makes it fun, but it's the only segment I feel got a downgrade between versions.

We next get our opening number, which for once isn't tied into the story thus technically giving us 11 segments this time. Garfield wails on the harmonica while we get another great Lou Rawls opening, a blues song underlying how rough it is to have 9 lives "You've got 9 ways to loose" and the genre fits the man like a glove. Truly awesome stuff and a song that's been in my head this whole retrospective and while making the cover arts.

Directed by George Singer

Watching this one I figured out WHY I didn't like the Book version as much: I saw this one first and Cave Cat has one thing this one dosen't: narration. The hammy narrator really sells the documentary feel of things better than text boxes can. I love comics as a medium but there's some hard limits, and this is a bit that just works better when you have what I suspect to be Thom Huge giving nature doctumentary style narration. It makes even the cornier jokes hilaroius and Cave Cat feels more distinct ironically with Lorenzo Music's iconic voice, with him doing a good job making this cat still have the garfield voice but feel primitive. It's good stuff and just a few touches take a pretty decent if done before bit into something fun.

Directed by John Sparey

Yeah I don't like this one. Before reading the boom comics version, this was easily my bottom life across all versions.

King Cat DOES have an interesting hook: Garfield is the pet of a dim witted pharoah and thus worshipped. The problem is as basically vice pharoah.. garfield has slaves

For starters a past version of Odie is one of them and Garfield spends the short fighting to not be killed.. but you don't care as King Garfield enslaves a bunch of dogs and hassles the slaves at the period. Karma does bite him as despite his best efforts his owner dies and he becomes a slave to odie after odie saves his life but it's hard to see that as a good "the oppressed has become the opresser"

So not only do you have slave master garfield and this ending.. you also have no real jokes. The only one that makes me chuckle a bit is that the pharoah's evil brother who eventuallyt akes the throne is named prince black bart. It's sto stupid it works. This segment.. is so bland and weirdly fucked up at the same time it just dosen't work.

Directed by Ruth Kissane

The garden is kept the same plot wise, but does feel like an equilveant exchange. The animation looses the weird 3d style and while they try to make it slightly puffier to match the book, it mostly comes across as the standard garfield. That said what we loose in the trippy 3d, we gain in the narration, done by what seems to be Nermals voice actor which comes off as Chloe herself narrating it, which adds a nice bit of whimsy that papers over what was lost. The segment's still not entirely for me, but I appricate it for what it is.

Directed by Bob Scott

Court Musician has my faviorite look out of the shorts, being one of the few to get more of a visual identity in the adpatation, having a nice very blocky style to the charcters. I love it. And it's no suprise that director Bob Scott would go on to have a healthy career doing a lot of work for disney and some design work. He even designed the characters for the threre best segments in this one, also doing the designs for Diana's Piano and Lab Animal.

The short is a fun romb as we follow famous composer Fredrick Handel whose cat is a nicely deisgned blue cat.

I really wish bob had gotten to direct more, this is great stuff as Freddy , as bluefield calls him, finds out he has to make a concerto overnight... which his boss the king never commuincated to him. So to do so he has his cat write half. The first half is a slow well done fuege as the Jester, history's greatest monster, taunts Freddy with his death should he fail... only for a rousing jazz number the cat wrote to be a big hit. It's fun as hell, well written and even caps off the special in lieu of blues cat. Which i'd object if this peice weren't so great.

Directed by Bill LIttlejohn and Bob Nester

Stunt Kat is a quick fun segment likely done as while the special was given extra room it didn't have room for 9 full segments. So instead we get a fun bit of comics history as this garfield was a stunt double for the legendary 30's comic strip Krazy Kat. Krazy Cat was a fairly simple but influental strip with surreal backgrounds. The basics boil down to this

Krazy loves Ignatz, Ignatz throws bricks a tthem, and the local cop tries to put Ignatz away and loves Krazy. It's a zany love trinagle, a tragicomedy and magistically drawn. I haven't gotten super into it, but I do respect it and it's influence on later cartoonits with both Bill Watterston and Berkely Brethead citing this one as an influence.

So here Garfield fills in when Krazy gets a bunch of bricks dropped on them while Officer Pupp runs the camera... and dies pretty quickly. A brutal fun gag and a nice way to give a cameo to a legend... if I'd remembered this I would've done the same in the first entry but hey, thems the breaks. Or the bricks I guess

Directed by Doug Frankel

Diana's Piano might be my faviorite segment here and it's the simpliest, a tale about a woman reflecting on her life to her cat patches, and the life of her previous cat Diana, a cat she got as a child, and kept for most of her life, into marriage right out of college, through the birth of her child and to Diana's sad end. It's got the most gorgeous animation of the special, this nice fuzzy style as if it was painted. The animations very limited for the most part, but it works well, making it feel like a painting come to life. It's a simple realistic tale. It could face issues with not feeling very garfield like.. but with some of the more experimental segments from the comic gone, it nicely fills the place of stretching the concept of "it's a cat" to as far as you can take it. Diana isn't garfield yet has pieces of him: her not wanting her owner to marry, issues with kids, there's pieces of garfield in his past self. I also think it's neat they acknowledge that past lives don't have to be exact matches for their future lives. This is reincarnation after all. Part of the books charm was that the various garfields were so diffrent from one another yet had some part of who he'd be in his 8th life.

Diana's piano is a moving, wonderfully done piece, a short heartbreaking story of life that uses the medium well.

Directed by Doug Frankel

Lab Animal is the special's most memorable segments for the same reasons it was in His 9 Lives: It's the darkest segment here with Primal Self gone, and it's a striknig diffrence:While Diana's piano gives us another grounded segment, instead of a sentimental story of a cat's life, we get a cat desperately breaking free. Rather than go full realistic, they go more with a don bluth style: cartoony yet stylish. I checked director doug frankel's imdb but he shockingly only worked on one bluth film AFTER this, Ferngully, like most people on this special going on to disney or early dreamworks.

Lab Animal really is a straight adapatation of the book the only big changes being a sequence with the dogs chasing the Lab Cat up a tree, and the MP just.. glaring at the cat instead of shooting at it. Which is less effective but.. I get it. Late 80's cartoon standards and all that. Everything else is largely the same, and I feel both versions are equally good: The original has nice shades and detailed artwork, while this has gorgeous animation, a really tense score, and both have the effective twist at the end. It's fantastic and easily the best adaptation of the bunch, adapting the story perfectly while changing it just enough.

Directed by Bob Nisler and John Sparey

I really.. don't have much to say about this one. It's not bad at all: given this was one of Film Roman's later specials, they've perfected doing garfield at this point, so it's not suprising the garfield section still looks great.

The thing is this segment is the straghtest adaptation out of the bunch. It's almost word for word panel for panel with only the slightest changes. One of those changes bothers me as they censor old eli's line

The bury me is why it works. It'd be like shoretning Snoopy's Awkard Teenage Nephew's neck. It's fucked up and it's funny. And you could say "Well they censored other stuff for kids".. but they still had garfied and odie own slaves. I can understand editing out the gunfire from Lab Animal as it was the 80's and guns in kids shows was, and still is, if for more understandable reasons, a touchy subject. But this is just a bit of black comedy and I refuse to belivie garfield owning slaves is more acceptable than Old Eli wanting people to take him home and bury him.

Otherwise it's a solid adaptation, it just dosen't stand out as much both due to having no real changes for better or equal like the others, or being that diffrent from the other specials or garfield and friends. It's a reason King Kat also limped along for me I forgot to get to in that section: It feels like one of those historical episodes garfield and friends would do. Every so often they'd have jon and garfield play their own ancestors. It feels lazy in comparison to the book and other segments here. This dosen't because it shares the whole origin story thing, but does fade into the background a bit.

Directed by Bob Nessler and John Sparrey

Like cave cat I like this one more than the book, but even more as the animated version is vastly experimented. The federation planning to murder garfield in space is given more personality, counting down to his death and skipping one because he was in the bathroom, and the count down gives things a sense of pressure, as does the fact that rather than be a game this is all real and garfiled is sent out to survivie as this is his last life. So it adds tension: we know it, they know it and thus we WANT Spacefield to survivie. We also get a bunch of clone odies who hilarously get thrown back from attacking in drone ships by a fire hydrant. It keeps the best stuff from the short but expands it to be way funnier.

The ending also helps. Garfield.. still dies.. this time for real as does Odie.. and god cat calls him before them.. and due to a seeming clerical error asks garfield what life he's on. And in a touching bit of clearly remembering his eight life some how, or just kindness.. garfield gets odie 8 lives too. IT's a reminder that while Odie may anoy him.. garfield loves his brother and gladly saves him. And the ending does use the god cat twist well. We don't see a full furry face just the eyes.. btu we get the sense god was just lying his ass off and willingly let both get 9 lives as they deserved it. Garfield's argument is also.. valid. Unlike his other deaths, he didn't volunteer for this one. he was just shot up into space and died horribly. IT's a cute ending and really ties it all together well and feels like a better much more concise one than the book.

The Ranking Diana's Piano: It's schmaltzy but damn if it dosen't work on me every time, with gorgeous animation and a truly lovely story. Court Musician: I"m shocked this one ended up as high as it did but I just love the blocky, gorgeous art, that fun ending number and the jester being a hilaroiusly cruel shithead the whole segment Lab Animal: Tense, well done and gorgeous Space Cat: HIlarious and the best garfield style segment of the bunch Cave Cat: Music's performance and the great narration really sell this one Blues Cat: A catchy as hell number from lou motherfucking rawls. Stunt Cat: Only this low because it's so short but it's so damn funny and dark. In the Beginning: It's fine Garfield: Ditto The Garden: Thirded King Cat: We need a sequel where Jon is moses and frees the slaves from odie.

Next Time: We end this look with a hit and miss comics anthology that came decades later. No one really talks about.

[ohbutwheresyourheart]

all right gang buckle up it's time to talk wonka

I give Wonka (2023) a 4.5/10. While the movie was visually stunning and I broadly liked Willy, Noodle, the chocolate cartel, and a couple of the better-developed side characters, overall it lacked substance.

I will say up front that one thing I genuinely really loved about the movie was how it leaned into the actual magic of Willy's inventions. They don't just taste good, they have actual magical effects on the people who eat them. That was cool! Very inventive.

I also loved Noodle's character far more than I thought I would. She was a great contrast to Willy's idealism, and it was particularly enjoyable for the younger character to be the more cynical one. Noodle was actually one of my favourite parts of the movie.

Willy's grief for his mother was very touching and was in my opinion probably the best-realised emotional beat of the movie. The reveal that he hoped she would somehow be there when he opened his shop, his disappointment when it didn't happen despite logically knowing it couldn't... It hit home, and reinforced that Willy here is still a young man, little more than a kid, and still refusing to let adult real world logic puncture his dreams, for better or worse.

Now for... everything else.

So the first thing that annoyed me is Willy's characterisation in this movie: he has been "sailing the seven seas for seven years", i.e. has been fending for himself in a vaguely 1800s world across continents with nobody to look out for him, and he is... so blisteringly naive!

I get that he couldn't start out cynical (nor would I want him to) because that leaves no room for character growth between the prequel and the original movie, but it completely shatters my disbelief that a kid could be roaming the world alone for seven years and never before encounter anyone who deceives or takes advantage of him so that he is left so entirely at the mercy of Mrs Scrubbit.

(also lmfao Mrs Scrubbit herself is like... just say you wanted to spoof Mrs Lovett. The name. The attitude. The child assitant. The romance with the surly violent man.)

Even if he was still a little naive... there is no forgiving him handing Lofty the frying pan to hit him over the head with. I watched that scene torn between absolutely bewilderment that they expected me to believe Willy was that stupid, and a reluctant admiration for Lofty, who I can only imagine was astonished and delighted that his stupid plan worked so flawlessly.

That said, I actually really loved the reveal that Willy couldn't read. That felt very logical with his backstory presented in-universe (raised poor in a historical time period by a mother more focused on keeping them both alive and fed in their transitory lifestyle). While it seems Willy's mother was literate (the 'Wonka' on the chocolate bar wrapper), I can buy that Willy just Would Not Learn because he didn't see the point, and his mother either didn't see the need to fight the battle, or thought she'd have longer to teach him but died before she was able to.

The worldbuilding fell apart in other areas, however, such as the supposedly indentured servants running around town without consequence? I get that Willy's laundry invention was doing the actual work for them, but early in the movie there's a huge point made of how they all have to be present for roll call at least once a day, and then this just... kind of gets forgotten about. And then also somehow Mrs Scrubbit is able to just get into the chocolate stores and poison them all without anyone knowing, and also without taking any more direct action like making sure they're all locked up and can't leave? And where the hell was Willy storing all of the chocolates he was making to have enough to totally fill that shop?

Speaking of the indentured servants... okay, you can make a case for most of them. Abacus and Piper actually kind of grew on me. But I am convinced the comedian only exists because they thought of the scene where Willy shares his mother's last chocolate bar and realised they needed six characters to split the pieces between. He does nothing! Absolutely nothing! He is there for a few brief moments of appalling cringe comedy and nothing more! His supposed talent he brings to the team is one throwaway line where he pretends he's talking to a fucking octopus!

And it's infuriating because they could have done something with this guy! What if he actually was a good comedian with a great stage presence who fell on hard times because he made fun of the chocolate cartel in one of his shows and they got him blacklisted? What if he was the one who helped Willy develop his showmanship to sell his chocolates? Wouldn't that have made far more sense, and made him far more integral to the plot, than a few off-colour "hurr durr hate muh wife" jokes???

Controversial opinion on side characters: I loved Hugh Grant the Oompa Loompa. I was expecting to hate him, but he charmed me. I did raise my eyebrows at the fucking speedboat yacht what the hell, but eh, fine, it was one brief shot, I can live with it. I honestly feel like Lofty and Noodle carried this movie on their tiny sarcastic shoulders. What did annoy me was the ending sequences of the movie, where the writers seemed to abruptly realise they had strayed too far from the bounds of 'explicit prequel to the Wilder movie' and tried to fix this by having Lofty spout off a number of Wonka's most memorable lines in quick succession, as if to scream SEE, SEE, IT'S A PREQUEL, HE'S SAYING THE THING, IT'S A PREQUEL---

I think the point could have been hammered home far more effectively by having a last interaction between Slugworth and Willy before the Slugworth's arrest, where Slugworth says something to the effect of "I'll be back, and I'll stop at nothing to ruin you". Cliche? Sure. But at least it would create an actual bridge between the two movies. As it stands, there's little to no actual setup for the spying and conflict because... the chocolate cartel are being sent to prison (indefinitely?). Again, maybe have Slugworth or one of the others point out that fraud isn't a life sentence, and they will be back.

(Actually, I would have given anything for Slugworth to try to talk Noodle around to his side - offer her the money, books, clothes, etc., tell her she's his niece, play it as if he's so glad to have found her, tell her she'll be his heir - give us a dark mirror of Wonka's eventual relationship with Charlie, and a hint of Willy having to face what betrayal by those he trusts looks like.)

I also felt like the movie's attitude towards chocolate itself was bizarrely conflicted. One the one hand: it's the most amazing and delicious and incredible thing ever! Everyone should be able to buy chocolate! On the other: hahaahaha look at the stupid fat police chief and hohohohohoo look at the stupid corrupt chocaholic monks. Yeah, yeah, you can handwave it as a question of degree, but it hits on the same sour note as Augustus Gloop in the original: why is it a bad thing to enjoy chocolate, and even (gasp! shock! horror!) be fat?

Other minor grumbles that probably bother nobody but me:

Sovereigns aren't fucking silver, they're explicitly gold, they've always been gold, they are literally one of the highest denomination of historical British coinage. Hearing characters treat single sovereigns as essentially small change set my teeth on edge from the start. If the writers wanted to use a historical-sounding coin, why not shilling? Actually, shillings would have fit in much better with the in-universe value attributed to silver sovereigns. I've got twelve silver shillings in my pocket even has the same cadence!

I don't like Timothee's singing and did not find any of the songs to be particularly affecting or memorable. The movie did not need to be a musical. I particularly disliked the cover of Pure Imagination, which was juuuuust enough off from the original that it put my back up. I don't know if I feel like this because I was so done with everything else in the movie that annoyed me by that point, but I just... felt like so many of the songs sounded the same? Not sure if that was because of an intention by the composer or a limitation from Timothee's vocal range, or both, but the only song that I even kind of liked was the villain song, and frankly that might just be due to the vague homoeroticism winding its way through that scene.

Why is he milking a giraffe. Mammals don't... they don't just constantly... was the giraffe pregnant??? Have any of the writers ever set foot on a farm ever. Do they think cows just Do That. Please get these people a book on basic biology.

[bi4pan-polls]

I would like to present, for your consideration, Stephanie Lauter and Peter Spankoffski from Hatchetfield.

Steph has been confirmed to be canonically pan by her actress, Pete has huge bi vibes (and is sorta implied to be transmasc?)

Hatchetfield is a horror anthology series. So far there are three musicals and eight episodes of a webshow, and everything but the most recent musical is currently available for free on YouTube. Steph and Pete have two major appearances.

The first is in the web episode Abstinence Camp, a Friday the 13th spoof. At the start of the episode, they're both forced to attend a Christian summer camp, an idea that they hate bond over. They've got a bit of banter and hit it off well. Highlights include Steph giving him contraband chocolate bars when the counselors don't care about his lowering blood sugar, Pete agreeing she got the short end of the stick in her situation, and the both of them being generally pretty snarky together.

There's a scene where Steph decides to test the camp's rules (and get some privacy) by showering in the boys' washroom. Pete is the only one there, and his first instinct is to do the respectful thing and let her be in there alone, only staying to finish cleaning when she insists it's okay if he's in there. (They have more banter, she finds out just how hot he is when you actually get a good look at him. He's described as jacked in this scene, but due to a recast, this is most certainly retconned. Still a cute moment between them). It culminates in them deciding to test the ghost story running around the camp that doing anything remotely sexy will get you killed by a spirit living in the woods, but are caught before anything can happen. Between getting into trouble and the audience knowing that there have already been other deaths, it's for the best that Steph plans to make an escape. What's sweet, though, is that she makes a point to get Pete to come too.

Throughout the whole climax of the story they both actively try to protect each other. Pete yells at the Axe-Man to leave Steph alone, she shields him from harm when he accidentally breaks his leg. By the end of the story they're both still alive, and are actively aware they're the only ones who know just how fucked up the camp is. It's implied they keep protecting each other that whole summer.

(If there are any Hatchetfans reading this and you haven't seen NPMD yet, here is your spoiler warning.)

Their most recent appearance is in the newest Musical, Nerdy Prudes Must Die. NPMD is also a slasher spoof, but with a twist: the nerds are in danger and the rebellios and popular "bad kids" are on the killer's good side.

The whole show happens because in this timeline, Steph and Pete meet when she asks to cheat off of his bio test.

Two things to note about that. 1. Despite Steph being the most popular girl and Pete being one of the most unpopular kids in all of Hatchetfield High, she already knows his name. 2. It does not take much convincing for him to agree. They get caught, and are sent to detention. Pete freaks out, not because he got in trouble, but because now he's in with a popular girl (the mayor's daughter, no less) and it's going to get him unwanted attention from the kids that pick on him. They have more banter, like in AC, to the point Pete doesn't know how well it's going until Steph says that he's funny and admits she likes funny guys. This sticks with Pete enough he decides to wear nicer clothes and crack jokes more often, even when just with his friends. They even ask if he's trying to impress someone.

Steph calls him. From a payphone.

For someone who never gave Pete a second thought before, she sure did already know is name AND number. Are we sure you didn't already have an eye on him, Steph?

She asks him to give a proper study session, and he agrees, in part due to his friends telling him that sparks were flying. He ends up singing a whole song about wondering if he's really cool enough to hang out with her.

Pete ends up getting beat up by his biggest bully (Max Jagerman) on the way, and when Steph finds out, she gets VERY righteous. She says she's not going to let Pete put up with bullying anymore and offers to step in (even though Pete doesn't think it will do much). Before they really have a chance to do anything, another student (Grace Chasity) offers up her own revenge plan that inadvertently ends up killing Max. Max ends up coming back as a ghost with a grudge against nerds, since everyone that was there when he died (besides Steph) was an unpopular nerd.

They share a lot of banter up until the first death, when things become more serious by necessity. Still, they both do a pretty bad job of covering up their crushes, and end up having a duet arguing over who has the bigger crush and why a relationship would never work between them the way things are right now (note: Pete says he felt almost seduced by her, Steph admits she's into smart guys and knows he's an intellectual type).

As the show goes on, Steph is actively protecting him like in AC, encouraging him to stay behind her in case something happens.

Steph, Pete, and Grace end up being the last three survivors of the main cast, and strike a deal with beings called The Lords in Black. The Lords will take Max to the afterlife for good if one of the teens gives up what they cherish most. Pete and Steph have a crisis, because now they have to admit to each other that okay maybe they are sorta in love, and have to decide who will die for the other. Pete insists that he do something worthwhile for once and save everybody by being the sacrifice. And Steph, despite her heartbreak, agrees.

LUCKILY Grace prevents that by saving the day in the funniest way possible. Too amazing to spoil (and also because I've barely gone into her subplot this whole time). But Steph and Pete make it out together. And they're grateful for it. And they even get to go to homecoming together.

By then end, they've decided they can make it work and have a song about being able to bring out the best in each other. (Special shoutout to the lyrics "I’m the best of you / And you’re the best of me / And together we are free / To run around" and "Its like you knew me / Before you knew me / Its like you saw me / Before you saw me")

(Hatchetfans, spoilers end here)

In conclusion, stan Lautski

(sorry for putting a whole essay in your inbox, op)

Was given permission to post this*

They seem. So hecking cool honesty love this for them I will also encourage other people to submit them

Propaganda for Stephanie Lauter and Peter Spankoffski from Hatchetfield.

[maristellarium]

(actually yknow what i also want to dump a few thonkies abt yully too now lmao

though im still debating if i really want to incorporate these thonkies as proper hcs for her - it makes her feel a little too op in a way......... - but im also really leaning to doing it anyway bc this really is the kinda bs she would pull off ydgsyugdsudsgdusy)

so anyway, i think baby yully was rather nuts and kept smashing babylonia's security systems to pieces

like ive already put down that she had a habit of coding programs throughout her childhood, and i definitely did say that these programs were for cracking and copying the civilian databases. bc she was so determined to confirm if there were any Very Specific people in babylonia, so ofc, the logical thing is to get the conveniently-already-existing pool of population data for her to sort through.

but yully being yully, she wouldn't want a bunch of statistics alone. she needs as much data as possible - reports and profiles and notes, doctors' notes and school reports and whatever document there ever was, everything! so that she can cross-check the info to the last detail, analyze to the closest decimal of accuracy.

and she won't stop at just civilian data either. constructs count too. the deceased count too.

so she would collect death records and military profiles too. and considering with constructs at least, how even the military lies to itself internally - she wouldn't quite be satisfied with merely a checkmark of someone being dead. no, she would need the full story, so that she can fully and accurately reconstruct an individual's life—history, personality, beliefs; their full identity and mannerisms and mindset—as part of her own cross-referencing and analyzing procedures.

and this is all, at the very least, in the form of encrypted data - if not behind several layers of cybersecurity under Gestalt's supercomputer watch too.

Yulia wouldn't care though. she wants that info. who cares if she's like, 10 yrs old with negative zero chances of being able to hack into god damn Gestalt with her little civilian baby terminal. she needs that information for her goals. she fucking wants it.

and she has never felt something so viciously unrelenting in her life and the life before.

in a way, it feels like a very simple, logical A to B to C process for her. she feels a want, thinks about doing a thing to satisfy that want, and then simply executes.

obstacles or roadblocks or government personnel coming to her house and asking if they can inspect everyone's terminals for "important grown up reasons" aka bc they traced her hacking attempts there? (though they never actually figure out it's her specifically, partly bc child bias, partly bc the exact terminal she used has already been trashed to pieces or surgically taken apart so it doesn't exist anymore). that's all just par the course. irrelevant bc she already expected as much, so she simply needs to work with such things.

(though of course, it does hinder her in terms of efficiency to keep needing to devote time to misdirecting people's attention from her. so she would also develop methods to avoid being traced, at least not so easily - spoofing signals, false trails, falsifying credentials, coding even shit like rootkits and keyloggers, and then going the extra mile with bs like destroying or dismantling or replacing her hardware constantly, as well as even coming up with alibis for every moment she spends doing her very illegal endeavour

she's still considered a kid at this point so ofc she has all this damn free time to do all this nonsense too)

in any case, here's where im really getting at with this thonk -

Yulia going absolute ham collecting as much top-secret info in the most illegal ways means she has quite likely seen a lot of very restricted things within the government's databases. from the lying propaganda used on Constructs such as the lie of recalls, to the confidential and troubling life histories of particular Constructs such as Bianca or Kamui (or Camu rather).

ofc she probably hasn't seen Everything - but she's seen a Lot more than she, an otherwise very ordinary civilian, should by the time she's even enrolled into military college.

which is stupid nuts and also very OP of her in a broader context and mmmmmmmmmmm i don't Want her to come across as stupidly omniscient in a sense - also it's a little nuts to think that even if she's stupid intelligent and determined, that she'd able to accomplish something as difficult as hacking into hecking Gestalt or whatever government systems with the info she wants.

but at the same time..... ughhh.................... she Is stupid smart alright. and that's without fully using her brain. if she actually put her entirety into some task, she is absolutely supposed to be unholy Scary(TM).

but waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah thats toooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lies down)

[r0b0t1me]

what's your plot idea for the tmnt western spoof!! it's a really neat concept

i almost forgot to answer this ackgh. i blabber a lot so im throwing this under a cut

it all started with fallout new vegas, so this was originally gonna be more mellow in tone? (basically what if the krangpocalypse happened in california instead of nyc and lone wanderer leo picked up this scrawny little kid who was wandering around looking for his mom)

but then through a combination of Understimulted Brain Moment where i ran laps around my house + staring at tv tropes did a dumb plot arise in my head. this is what it was:

so the boys are a group of outlaws doing their usual petty crime. a rival gang (meant to represent the foot but idk if theyd be called that) are holding casey and cassandra as hostages (cassandra had tried to defect from the group). the boys take pity on them and wanna get back at the gang, but only manage to free casey. when they take the kid they learn the two had tried to leave with the Key, which opens an ancient vault to the mystical 'dark armor'. while the gang keeps the Key, casey luckily has a map on him. in the boys' mind, they just want to find it and sell it, while casey wants to go save cass. so its a race to the vault, with hijinks along the way (i still need to think of specific ideas but literally anything could work here. shootouts/fun bar fights, randomly spelunking in a booby trapped cave, idk i need to do some more tv tropes reading). leo and casey end up bonding the most, and at the end when everyones scrambling for the key, leo convinces the rest of the boys to get cassandra while the rival gang gets into the vault. im picturing a big shredder fight, and theres a fake out where cassandra and casey reunite and leo says his teary goodbyes and gives casey his hat or something and says some corny shit like "take care of yourself, little lone ranger". but then cassandra puts it back on his head and is like "yknow what... i think we can stick around with you guys for a while" and they all ride off into the sunset. yeehaw

oh also i need to design her but i think april should be a sherrif or a mayor of some kind. like, she knows the boys they roll into town all the time, and theres this lighthearted game of cat and mouse between them every time that she knows she wont win

i probably wont draw much of it unless i actually come up with funny things for them to do but its still fun to think about

[kevinsreviewcatalogue]

Review: Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

 Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

Rated PG for action/violence, rude humor/language, and some scary moments

<Originally posted at https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2023/12/review-puss-in-boots-last-wish-2022.html>

Score: 5 out of 5

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is a movie I missed last year, which made it kind of annoying to hear so many people praising it to the heavens as one of the best animated films in years, not least of all because I'm the kind of guy who does not like spoilers. Flying down to Florida just in time to share a house with three little kids over Christmas break gave me the perfect opportunity to check it out, and the only thing I'm disappointed about is not seeing it sooner. It doesn't reinvent the wheel or have any pretensions of being a particularly revelatory movie, but it's still an outstandingly well-put-together one in everything from the animation to the characters to the humor to the mayhem. Putting it side-by-side with Shrek, the film that put DreamWorks Animation in the spotlight and which this one is a sequel to a spinoff of, shows just how much the studio has evolved in the twenty-plus years since then, going from mischievous, Looney Tunes-esque pop culture spoofs with barbs aimed directly at Disney to a kind of family-friendly, character-driven adventure comedy that's clearly inspired by the Mouse but still has enough unique style and dramatic edge to stand out. I don't really have much to add to the conversation on this one except to say that it's easily one of the best films that DreamWorks has ever made, especially given what I thought of the movie they released just eight months before this, and one that I expect to stick around as a classic just like Shrek itself.

Set in a fantasy/fairy-tale version of Spain, our eponymous protagonist is an intelligent cat who has exploited his nine lives to become an adventurer who doesn't fear death... at least, not until he loses his eighth life thanks to his carelessness fighting a monster attacking a town. Suddenly, he no longer feels so invincible, especially once he encounters a mysterious wolf bounty hunter who seeks to claim his ninth and final life after watching him squander his previous eight. Going into retirement in an elderly cat lady's home after burying his sword and gear, Puss is dragged back to the world of adventure when Goldilocks, the thuggish leader of the Three Bears Crime Family (guess who her "enforcers" are), seeks to hire him to find the Wishing Star, a magical rock that would grant one wish to whoever discovers it -- and she won't take no for an answer. Puss decides that this star is his key to regaining his nine lives, and with help from an old flame named Kitty Softpaws, he sets out to find it himself, staying one step ahead of Goldilocks, the evil businessman "Big" Jack Horner who wants it for his own ends, and of course, the Wolf.

The look of the film is one of the most immediately striking things about it. While it's not the first film to use cel shading to make computer animation emulate the look of hand-drawn animation while being distinct from both (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse and The Mitchells vs. the Machines did something similar recently), it's going for a different set of influences than those films, its look instead resembling a mix of the fairy tale artwork that the Shrek movies have always spoofed and anime in the action scenes. The settings feel lifted almost from a highly stylized painting or storybook, while the action looks downright sublime, the film's characters doing battle, chasing one another, and facing various treacherous foes on their quest for the Wishing Star in all manner of awesome ways. Even as cats, Puss and Kitty came across as credible and cool adventure heroes, especially with Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek Pinault leaning heavily into their live-action screen personas, Banderas playing Puss as a riff on Zorro where the only real "parody" element comes from his species and Hayek playing Kitty as the cool femme fatale who has history with the hero that they'll inevitably have to settle. Florence Pugh was hilarious doing her best gender-flipped Ray Winstone impression as Goldilocks, especially with the real Winstone himself voicing one of the three bears (alongside Olivia Colman and Samson Kayo), while John Mulaney made Horner into an absolute bastard who I couldn't wait to see get his well-deserved comeuppance. At first glance, with three separate groups of characters all racing for the Wishing Star, this film can feel sprawling, and yet it always manages to tie these three stories together in a way that feels organic.

The key to doing this was the Wolf. From the moment we're introduced to him, he's presented as a metaphorical representation of death itself, an impossibly skilled fighter who trounces and nearly kills Puss in their first encounter and who is seemingly unstoppable from that point onward, every meeting he has with Puss feeling like it could be their last. The film's comedy stops dead cold whenever the whistling announcing his arrival starts up, Wagner Moura's performance lending him an almost demonic menace without going over-the-top into cackling supervillainy. He is one of the best villains I've seen in any animated film in a long while, a no-nonsense monster whose evil combines the most terrifying elements of an unstoppable force of nature and somebody who hates you personally, the closest thing that a family film could come to an outright slasher movie villain. There have been many jokes made about this film having one of the most realistic depictions of a panic attack in any animated film, but watching it, it was no joke: I understood immediately how this guy completely disarmed Puss' suave, arrogant demeanor and left him a trembling wreck running for his life. The Wolf wasn't just scary, he was a perfect villain for Puss, a representation of how his wasted life is finally catching up with him, and watching Puss reach a place where he can finally confront the Wolf and turn the tables on him was immeasurably satisfying.

From this, we get a fairly simple moral that largely boils down to a celebration of living life to the fullest rather than either wasting it on hedonism or remaining stuck in an idealized past. It's nothing revolutionary, but not only is it exactly the kind of thing that the fairy tales this movie is sending up have long embraced, it's well-told enough that I fully bought into it. If the original Shrek was a deconstructive parody of fairy tales that sent up their moral messages while offering a few of its own, then this film serves largely as a more faithful, straightforward throwback to them, amped up with a swashbuckling action/adventure plot and some jokes for the parents but otherwise falling squarely within the modern, post-Kung Fu Panda DreamWorks wheelhouse.

The Bottom Line

It's a very straightforward movie once you get past the stylish animation, but hardly to a fault, as it's still a riotous, heartfelt, and just plain awesome ride that delivers exactly where it counts and doesn't overstay its welcome. Easily one of the best family films of the last ten years.

[blackfairy312]

TEN WHOLE YEARS OF FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S!!!! how crazy is that . i still remember hunting for hints in Scott Games in the FNAF 3 teaser images .

the Marionette has always been my favorite character . i mean like , do you guys see how kany of our ocs wear Stripes? it's obvious. i wouldn't like Vinnie so much if he wasn't a spoof of the Marionette

i have found memories of the early FNAF games . specifically FNAF 2 which is my favorite in the series and the one i've played the most . unfortunately im really bad at FNAF games and not as good as when i was a kid (i still havent beat Final Night in FNAC 3 😭😭😭 AND IM TOO SCARED TO FINISH NIGHT 4 ON FNAC 1)

i remember Rebornica and their whole fnaf au that i was OBSESSED with . Hence Vincent's name (hell , Charlotte was supposed to be Vincent Bishop/Purple Guy's adoptive sister . of course everything about That had to be retconned after Silver Eyes and Sister Location came out 😭😭) .

we used to roleplay FNAF on twitter with really old ocs and stuff and the one thing i vividly remember is when the Die In A Fire song was released and everyone in the fnaf rp twitter community did "events" for their characters and there was a Freddy Fazbear who changed his name to "Freddy Fazbits" and had his pfp as the Freddy from the video getting his ass beat

i remember looking around at everh Walmart and Walgreens and Target for FNAF plushies AND I NEVER GOT THE MARIONETTE TO THIS DAY!!!!! i have a marionette mystery box chibi figure somwhere i think ? in our room somewhere maybe it it got thrown out though bsnshs i might try to look for it when i'm cleaning the room .

we have a Bonnie plushie though . one of the original ones. surprisingly we don't have much FNAF merch because we were Broke and in Middle School and our grandparents did Not like the FNAF stuff . they got us a bunch of Gravity Falls merch though so ?!?!??

i kind of lost interest in FNAF when Sister Location came out (and got into Bendy and Baldi instead 😭 then Danganronpa 🤮) but immediately read the Silver Eyes when it was released . GOD I LOVE THE SILVER EYES TIRLOGY i have so much more appreciation for it now as an adult after revisiting the lore . i just have a new appreciation for the series a s a whole

and the fnaf movie .. GOD I LOVED IT. ir was an amazing experience to see in theaters . everyone un the audience was around my age and aome had cosplay and brought FNAF plushies (i brought Bonnie!!) and EVERYONE WAS SO REACTIVE AND RESPONSIVE TO THE MOVIE AND EVERYONE GOT TO FUCKING EXCITED WHEN MATPAT SHOWED UP!!! GAAAAHH!!! AND WHEN THE LIVING TOMBTSONE STARTED PLAYING EVERYONE WAS LIKE NO FUCKING WAAAY!!!

sorry i reallt dont have anything, "Heartfelt" to say. genuinely, this series means so much to me, I GREW UP WITH IT!!!!! i've seen EVERYTHING (unfortunately). i'm so so so VERY EXCITED for the second movie !!! AND RONIN BOUGHT THE MATPAT YOUTOOZ FOR ME AND ITS ARRIVING SOON!!! YAY!!!!

agem . i'm also very excited for the FNAF x Dead By Daylight collab just cause i want to see it fumble

[queen-erika-the-songful]

most annoying barbie take(s) you've seen? feel free to go off if you want to

Oh buckle up because I've got 2 major gripes.

1. People using Life in the Dreamhouse as the end-all-be-all of what Barbie media/content should be like. Yes it's fun and hilarious and I still love it to this day but I'm sick of everyone comparing every new idea to it.

For example, I'm not the biggest Dreamhouse Adventures fan but the fact that people are STILL comparing it to LitD is ludicrous. First of all, they are different KINDS of series, DA being a 22-min TV series aimed at teaching life lessons and LitD being a short form web series (with a couple exceptions) that spoofs reality shows and satires Barbie. They're also totally different in tone, setting, and characterizations of Barbie & co. Yet people treat DA like it's some inferior LitD reboot/successor. DA isn't TRYING to be LitD!!!

I think it's gotten even worse recently with the live-action Barbie coming out. Endless LitD comparisons are being made. I mean, at least it's a bit more understandable this time with Barbieland seeming similar to dollsize Malibu and an air of self-parody. But even so people are whining and crying about characters like Raquelle not being there. Again I love LitD and Raquelle is iconic but she's beloved BECAUSE of LitD. She didn't even exist before it, unlike Midge who was Barbie's first best friend. (Sidenote: Barbie Diaries Raquelle and Fairy Secret Raquelle do not count; they are completely different characters). (Sidenote #2 it's RAQUELLE not Raquel at least get it right if you're gonna whine). I mean the "Raquelle" entity has been around before LitD like characters such as Teresa, but again the one people always talk about is this one iteration of her. If anything you should be complaining about the lack of Christie and Teresa, who have been around for generations like Midge and used to be mainstays of Barbie.

I also want people to stop saying other versions of Barbie are "wrong" or that people outside the fandom don't understand what the characters are "really" like because of this ONE version of the characters that has been discounted since 2015.

2. People wanting Aqua's "Barbie Girl" in the new movie

Look we all loved this song as a kid, I get it. I did too because I thought it was a real Barbie song. But it's not. Yes Mattel sued and then made their own version and used the melody in commercials between 2009-201x whatever the date was BUT it's been abandoned since then.

The song depicts Barbie as a stereotype dumb bimbo blonde with a gross horndog version of Ken as her love interest. Even with lyrics like "imagination, life is your creation" & "if you say I'm always yours" it's surrounded by things like "you can touch/you can play" "kiss me here touch me there/hanky-panky". Like I'm not gonna stop others from making sexual/humorous depictions of Barbie. My problem is this fandom wanting "outsiders" to see another side of Barbie but still insisting this song be part of it. Why are you holding on to it so tightly? Maybe I just don't get it.

And going back for a sec, again Mattel SUED over this song. Like I don't think it's going into the movie just for that reason

I feel like I had another thing to say but this post is long enough so I'm just gonna stop here

[world-cinema-research]

E.T. The Extra Terrestrial

(SHORT ESSAY)

By Jensen Boles

E.T The Extra Terrestrial film poster.

Directed by legendary filmmaker Steven Spielberg, E.T. The Extra Terrestrial is regarded as an all time classic in the history of cinema. Spielberg was also known for his other classic films he directed such as Jaws, Jurassic Park, Schindler's List, Close Encounters: of the Third Kind and many more. The film, E.T. was released on June 11th, 1982 and stars the likes of Henry Thomas, Drew Barrymore, Robert MacNaughton, Dee Wallace, Peter Coyote, and C. Thomas Howell.

Meeting E.T. for the first time clip.

The story of E.T. consists of an alien from outer space who accidentally gets left behind on Earth and a kid named Elliot (Henry Thomas) befriends the alien and brings him to his suburban California house. The alien, who goes by E.T., is then introduced to Elliot's brother, Michael (Robert MacNaughton), as well as his little sister, Gertie (Drew Barrymore). The kids try to keep E.T.'s existence a secret before E.T. succumbs to an illness which results in the government intervening, turning it into a stressful situation for E.T. and Elliot. However, things go right in the end as E.T.'s people come back for him and E.T. returns home safely. The film is also known for its story about an aliens who come to earth, the plot has been done before in a similar fashion for the film Close Encounters of the Third Kind which was also directed by Steven Spielberg as well as being a influence for other films to come such as Lilo and Stitch and many more.

The film was so influential and is regarded as a classic by many fans and critics alike. Roger Ebert once said "This movie made my heart glad. It is filled with innocence, hope, and good cheer. It is also wickedly funny and exciting as hell. "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" is a movie like "The Wizard of Oz," that you can grow up with and grow old with, and it won't let you down." Roger Ebert is saying that this movie is timeless and no matter how old you are or how many times you see it, the film will always be a classic. Phillip French from The Guardian even said "Spielberg clearly loves E.T. as much as the kids do, but he stops short of reverence. E.T. is indeed a marvelously funny creature and a credit to his galaxy." This quote indicates that E.T. will always be regarded as a classic film.

E.T. and Elliot Across the moon clip.

When it comes to the film's style, E.T. The Extra Terrestrial uses different techniques such as different practical effects to create a mysterious atmosphere, especially when it comes to the shot of Eliot and E.T. flying across the moon. This scene is so iconic and has also been referenced and spoofed in different forms of media.

For the film’s aspects of global cultures, I see how the film's world is reminiscent of a 1980's American suburban lifestyle. I think it makes sense since the film was released in 1982 and takes place in California.

Behind the scenes look at E.T The Extra Terrestrial.

I believe this film is considered conventional because of the special effects and puppetry looking impressive for 1982 standards. It is also conventional because of the plot and how it's easy to follow along with being distributed by Universal studios which is a large company. With that said, the film made $11,911,430 for its opening weekend with a production budget of only $10,500,000. It also made $439,454,989 domestically and $357,852,418 internationally, making a total of $797,307,407 worldwide. However, the film does contain a few unconventional aspects such as the language the kids use when the adults aren't around, as well as having the alien act unusual while stranded on Earth. Despite a few unconventional aspects, I still consider this film to be conventional because of the amazing special effects as well as being directed by Steven Spielberg.

Since this film was released in the year of 1982, there have been many events happening globally that year. But the two that I'll be discussing would be the San Francisco 49ers winning their first Super Bowl by defeating the Cincinnati Bengals, 26-21. As well as Michael Jackson releasing his sixth studio album entitled Thriller. I believe these events that happened do have a global impact because the 49ers cemented their NFL dynasty and would later go on to win 5 Super Bowl's. Michael Jackson was a popular music star during the 1980's and influenced a bunch of later musical artists.

[everybody-loves-purdy]

Oh boy were we talking about the classic warrior cats edits days? Did i miss it? Dont care talking about it

When i was little the number of people who made warrior cats animations could be counted on one hand so when we wanted to make AMVs we turned to fanart. People could make genuinely impressive stuff with the still images (i recommend looking up 3hawkmask or runningfern) !!! The art theft was an issue yes, i wont deny that. Especially when reverse image search wasn’t a thing. I will say though that a majority of artists back in the day (that i remember) didn’t mind being in these videos, hell I remember posting warrior cats art specifically hoping to get into them! Later in the lifespan of these too it became commonplace to credit the artists at the end of the video or in the description.

I do genuinely miss this era of Warriors video and I think it would be nice to see it make a comeback and coexist with the MAPs and such. An easy way to combat the possible theft is to just. Ask artists if its ok to use their work, Im sure a solid handful will give the OK as long as they get credit. Plus people used official warrior cats graphics and real life cat pictures all the time too. Of course using your own art is a solution as well (many artists did if i remembering right, i know i used my art in my own edits)

Sorry for the essay! I watched those videos for hours on end as a kid so they’re a nostalgic topic for me.

No worries! I remember things like that!

I mainly consumed “spoof” content myself when I was a kid. I used to spend ages watching those. But I definitely watched those types of AMVs as well, but yeah there was definitely just a certain amount of content creators on YouTube for warriors content and that was it. It was a simpler time, back when YouTube itself was still finding its feet, it is very nostalgic for me too! It’s a shame so much of the old content we used to watch has been lost to time now, including the original Firestar doesn’t like waffles which is so sad (thank goodness for whoever reuploaded it)

I would welcome bringing stuff like this back as long as permission is sought and credit is given where due lol