maristellarium

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(CROSSDRESSING KAMUI IS FINALLY REAL!!!!!!!!11!!)

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(pgr: announces playable lilith soon -> announces new selena frame after -> drip markets lilith as dark amp -> amp selena implicitly being replaced

sasuga kuro games /j)

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(my fave pgr artist has been doodling little comics of their oc skk but in one of those "turned into a little kid again" trope scenarios, and its making me think about how yully would be like if that happened to her...............)

bc you can have two flavors of her in that case: one where she's regressed to her childhood state post-reincarnation (in which case she seems exactly the same, just lacking factual knowledge of her time as a commandant) - or her actual-actual childhood state, pre-reincarnation

in which case, she'll probably be deemed to have lost more than just her future memories but also any memories she would be expected to have at her younger age, like basic knowledge about babylonia and the punishing virus, as well as crucially, communication/language skills

since i hc that both pre- and post-reincarnation, there is a dominant international language (i.e. english) in addition to numerous other national/regional languages/dialects - but an actual child-aged yully would still be learning how to read/write/speak the former, while being mostly fluent in the latter only (which in her case is some made-up future amalgamation of cantonese w/ hakka and mandarin; god probably only kcc charas like qu would be able to actually communicate successfully with her, at least initially.................)

and of course, her personality/demeanor/thinking is rather different as an actual child vs post-reincarnation.

as an actual child, yully was very.............. well, she seemed intuitively off-putting.

she had a basic understanding of societal norms (i.e. don't stare at people bc it's considered rude, always say please and thank you bc it's polite, etc), and she did dutifully follow them - but there would be plenty of moments where she would simply stop and question the things she's doing or seeing, internally or openly, with other people possibly.

she would just sit or stand there, almost unblinking, questioning why things are the way they are: why can't she stare at people? because it unnerves them. why does it unnerve them? psychological and physiological response mechanisms. what is the actual problem with unnerving people though? psychological stress, leading to individual mental breakdown and negative interpersonal and societal consequences - so on and so forth.

—yes, she was already like some kinda scientist, trying to break down and analyze everything around her. and because of this, she always had a persistent tendency to just sit on the sides and watch everything, questioning the entire world - a constant outsider and a very, very rare participant, if ever.

in general, child yully was always quiet, introspective, inquisitive, and did not really act like a child. at least, she wasn't hitting the typical benchmarks for her development stage - seeming way ahead of the curve in some places, and was nowhere near following the typical development process for others.

depending on who you asked, she had an awfully stoic or completely emotionless demeanor, being blank-faced and flat-toned constantly. she would randomly ask questions that could give a regular adult an existential crisis, and had a bad habit of staring dead straight at things because she was too busy chaining lines of logic and analysis in her head and either couldn't be bothered to care about things like courtesy or wasn't fast enough to not be caught staring. she also hardly interacted with people, not even classmates, didn't have any friends in her neighborhood, and mostly only ever spoke with her mother (who herself was often busy and out of the house from work, so like. the no-socialization aspect here is dire).

even so, despite her troubling unchildlike behavior, you could probably find an innocent thread to her - even if it's just from a lack of worldly experience.

she might ask a lot of troubling philosophical questions, but it stems from a simple lack of understanding of things we all take for granted, and in a way, she's simply trying to understand in the way any child might want to when faced with common mature topics like.......... idk, politics. or something. and sure, she has a bad habit of staring at things when it's impolite to do so, but every curious child technically does that, and she just particularly doesn't see the point of adhering to politeness when she does so (in fact, manners and politeness would probably be among her numerous ridiculous questions).

she's really just a very curious child, in a sense. it's just that she's curious about literally everything - and not in a delighted childish sense. she just questions everything, from concepts to behaviors to people themselves. she's a child with literally all her stats in intellect but no worldly wisdom or experience (and definitely not in emotional awareness!!), meaning she factually and theoretically understands things, but doesn't really know-know anything for shit, hence why she wonders so much, but bc she's too smart for her own hecking good, her "wondering" takes the form of rigid scientific inquiry, essentially.

.

anyway i think super-smol yully would be both an easy and difficult child to babysit. bc you have a 50-50 chance she will just obediently listen to everything you say and do or just abruptly ask you whether reality is a dream or she's dreaming of reality right now. and that's on top of any communication difficulties lol

which might seem......... potentially not Too different from regular yully, actual. but the difference is that child yully is both still learning about all the ways living in a Society(TM) works and doesn't really get why she Really should live in a society to begin with, and has no reservations about suddenly ignoring societal norms when on her trails of inquiries. she can be composed if she wants, but has more moments of impulsiveness (aka wanting to Know(TM)) than not.

meanwhile, regular yully has a general but tightknit grasp on how living in a Society(TM) is like, has already exhausted most inquiries as to why she should or shouldn't live by such norms - thus having no reason to go "off the rails" at random - and is well-practiced in working around said norms by now as well. this also means that she's more knowledgeable about people, including being able to reflect or dissect them to some extent, which has resulted in her being able to compose herself in a more........ neurotypical sense, i guess. lol

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(thonking just the slightest bit to myself about yully's og setting again - bc sure, while most of it might not really be relevant anymore after her secret reincarnation shenanigans, it's still one of the many experiences she has and had and occasionally takes a moment to analyze like some scientist under a microscope or something lol

anyway! thinking again about her parents!!

yully's parental background in her og setting is. Interesting. partly bc its still an eternal wip, and partly bc what i Currently have going for her is. lmao. flower's dramatic backstory tendencies are too powerful to stop i guess......................)

as of my current notes - in her og setting, yully is not from a very well-off background. she was an unexpected birth for a young, single and unmarried woman who wasn't anywhere near prepared to start a family, mentally or financially, but nonetheless tried her best to raise yully in spite of the sheer difficulties.

yully, being the ridiculously sharp child she was, observed and understood the circumstances. and from trying to practice the human tradition of exchanging obligations and filial duty, yully tried her best to basically keep out of her mother's way - took on any chores, tried to find more efficient ways to manage their money and lifestyle, and help her mother live a more comfortable life.

as for the father.............. well, he peaced out of the equation before yully's mom even realized she was pregnant.

and anyway, yully discovered that he was probably super shady to begin with so maybe there's a dodged bullet there.

not that it stopped her from trying to see if she could figure out who her father was and maybe try to get some support from him anyway. while she was an iddy bitty kid who really shouldve just been focusing on coloring doodles in her books. (alas, she already memorized the multiplication and division tables in like, hours, so she had a lot of free time and an awfully tired mother working several shifts and jobs and who couldn't always be paying attention to her.)

long story short on that, yully did end up finding out who her father was (a criminal) and whether he'd be willing to offer even a smidge of support of any kind to her family (nope. but he was very frankly amused to see what amounts to a toddler breaking into his hideout and asking for child support to be paid, so he tossed her a few Forbidden Secrets and then kindly escorted her out aka let her actually leave and didn't silence her or her mother).

anyway! this is why yully does not give a shit about her father, and with her reincarnation into babylonia, similarly could care less about her biological parents here either.

to her, the only person she sees as a parental figure - and is worthy of being called as much - is her very tired and unfortunate mother, who despite being prone to breaking into crying fits and wallowing miserably and needing her own child to give her pep talks and do all the household chores for a few weeks, nonetheless is Trying, and despite her misery, has never stopped caring for yulia.

her mother is not the best or perhaps even a good mother by any means. but she's the one who raised her first, and despite the ups and downs, keeps trying to raise her with care. yulia considers that to be an exemplary form of what parenting should be - love, despite all logical reason mandating abandonment.

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(told kuro to look at artone for inspo during the survey dyudsyugdusdgs i hope they consider the idea.................... if anything PLEASE TAKE ON MY SUGGESTION FOR AN AKIKO SHIKATA OST)

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(this is a very small and fun and only for my indulgence sorta tidbit, but one v important little quirk of how i write my tsaritsa is in how she addresses a toni:

a regular toni or even a regular, young-enough anybody would just be addressed as "child".

but tonitoni - as in, my au gremlin harbingy tonitoni - will always be addressed as "my child". like that is specifically her toni, her tartie, and with anyone else there is no such prefix lmao)

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(me being slightly amused at qu's new frame having a blue phoenix bc im thinking of yully's og setting and how she.......... also.................. had a phoenix bird............................ a blue one............................. lmao.....................

though tbf yully's birb is some weird amalgamation of swan-hawk-phoenix with an extreeeeeeeemely long neck (it liked to wrap itself around her head a lot lmao), and it was also seemingly made of pure blue fire - formless, undefined, yet somehow still having physical mass to the point of having (somewhat heavy) weight and tangibility.

that said, while her birb was made of pure living fire and could certainly act as much, when actually touching it, it would feel cold - especially outside of combat situations.

yully loved her stupid candy-spoiled birb. she Almost misses when it would try to sit on her and force her off balance through its sheer weight)

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(oh my goddddddddddd this is such a cute birthday letter as is but inserting yully into it really makes it so much better omgggggg)

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(tried to draw a new banner, got stuck on figuring out what yully's uniform could ever properly look like, drew ten thousand drafts, had a mental breakdown over the gray raven uniform skins as reference bc what the hell is this man, whatever, drew something, bon appetit)

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(wow someone made a crimson weave mod for ff.xiv. im pretty sure thats like, the first p.gr mod for the game ever lmaooooo)

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"Rejoice, and sing our wrath— Expel this malice from paradise, under the sacred theory of love! ... My retainers, I command you thus - rage, scream, and awaken! ... (We shall be the Divine Maiden's spear and happily sing to our utmost —for we are her hope, as well as her grief.)" — METHOD_MESSELA/.

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(i have to say, seeing the complaints about a "lack of men" in both of kuro's games is like - on one hand, i get it, it feels bad to see the unbalanced gender ratio when as it is games like to cater to the male demographic more than not, and the women not only being disproportionately plentiful but often with an obvious fanservice gaze

on the other. these complaints are so absurdly frequent?? like am i just unlucky to be running into these type of comments so often or what?????????

also like. fucking skill issue man, if you only want male characters. fanservice aside, female characters can and are great in their own right, and kuro puts a fair amount of work in writing their female characters just as much as they do the men.

go broaden your tastes lmao)

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also!! some blog updates/cleaning from yours truly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aka maris-stellar -> maristellarium

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(HEY CHROME WTF IS THIS SICK MEMORY ART)

(i cant believe lee's sickest drip ever is from a limited memory art)

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(i cant believe lee's sickest drip ever is from a limited memory art)

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(rechecking the recommended story guide for pgr and what do you mean chapter 13 had hidden nodes)

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(thinking about ishmael becoming playable in whats looking to be the next patch (or Some soon upcoming patch lmao) is making me thonk on yully again, mainly the premise for her actually being in the p.gr universe

because yully isn't strictly a p.gr oc - she's my oc from one of my personal original projects lol.)

(in her original setting, set somewhere in the near-distant future - earth's surface was ravaged by a biochemical weapon of war, resulting in everyone fleeing to floating cities or mountaintops. several thousand years have passed since that event, leading to a futuristic society that has been trying to remain connected and flourish among what remains of humanity.

which isn't really super duper important to the setting besides just indicating its in the distant future and shit is super futuristic by our standards lmao

the Real deal abt the setting is that cosmic, angel-coded higher beings (and those in-between) exist - and a couple of them have banded together to create a little pocket dimension, where a select few from earth are invited to access and are given the freedom and space to explore their life choices, ambitions and capabilities. this is done with the hopes that whatever people do and learn within this pocket dimension will be a positive development on their actual lives outside of this dimension.

this pocket dimension looks and feels a lot like a VR MMO honestly, as per the setting's standards of those things - aka very realistic immersions of a recreated fantasy environment, where you can choose how you look and even use magical powers and stuff + fancy-cringe gamer ui interfaces LMAO

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so like, ive purposefully kept all That really vague and even mixing in p.gr lore like some sort of grafting patch when writing up yully's backstory profile, because 1) her original setting is all completely fandomless baseless bs in a way lol 2) THIS PROJECT DOESNT HAVE ANY OFFICIAL MEDIA, IT'S HALF IN MY HEAD HALF CONCEPT WORK ELSEWHERE SCYGCSYUGCYUCS it's less real than real lmaoooooo

yet here i am dragging my sweet oc from a media project that only exists in my head into a whole other media story. lmao

anyway with all that context rambling done, the Real-Real deal with my current yully thonks is that........................ since she technically comes from a universe/timeline/parallel dimension/etc that also has cosmic higher beings along the lines of ishmael............

and considering the state of the story in CN, and what ishmael's presence there even means........

like, lmao. actually i have more than one type of thonk about all this and it's kinda gettimg jumbled in my own head now lol

but i guess, to put it in an unsorted list:

as per my own notes, yully's original world gets terminated bc it doesn't meet higher cosmic standards - and in consideration of what her original setting has, this termination would occur contrary to what a selection of some other higher beings want (who support and are supporting the few human lives they're watching over)

ive had a sticky note somewhere that maybe yully getting transferred to the p.gr setting wasn't luck or coincidence or me handwaving it to just be so, that someone or something may have had a hand in it - it's a sticky note because i haven't committed to that idea, but i still am thinking on it................................

another sticky note that i have - and have been waiting to do more story first for ishamel crumbs tbh - is that ishmael might actually know yully isn't really "native" to this world, and may even know the original circumstances that brought her here. it intrigues me to consider this lmao

a newer thonk ive had now - though might be debunked based on what ishmael decides to do in the upcoming story - is that ishmael sorta has similar sentiments to the cosmic beings from yully's original setting i.e. a higher being who sincerely wants to see human potential and growth, and rather than sitting back and watching humanity like they're in a petri dish, she's personally engaging and directly interfering in matters, regardless of if that's per the rules or not.

also more fun thonkies ive had is that yully's supposed capability to withstand the punishing virus better than most (as per how the story itself writes it anyway) is bc she doesn't "naturally belong" - like how the virus would be considered an alien concept as per regular laws of science, yully might be mundanely human but she's a human alien to this universe/timeline/dimension/whatever; an outsider. but this particular thonk is like a "man idk Shrugs" thonk so it's also A Sticky Note for now

that's all the ishmael-relevant-adjacent thonks!!!!

basically tl;dr yully being v much an AU version here means at some point ishmael might want to sit down for a cup of tea with her. maybe. possibly. very concerningly.

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i also have some unrelated side notes that i want to just drop here now bc im in a rambling mood, please feel free to ignore lmao

yully likes paper parasols bc that was literally her weapon of choice whenever was in the pocket dimension in her original setting lol. she had a modified one that was like a magic staff + bazooka combo lol

while the pocket dimension looked and acted a lot like some funny virtual reality multiplayer game - and honestly, a lot of people tended to treat it in that vein - the fact that it's literally a pocket dimension, which is itself being managed by higher powers that can manipulate the laws of physics and such, meant it was all still very real; the fact that "angels" with halos and wings and all exist, the fact that the residents can all use "magic" - magic which is really just the manipulation of physics as aided by the cosmic beings' automated systems

(and yes, yully very much used said "magic" and was very good at it too; her magic was light-based aka photon and energy manipulation lmao. and bc yully was yully, she got too fucking technical with it and basically invented a fusion reactor in her inventory. but thats a story for another day and another media project altogether lol)

[Celebration] is the name of her gamer raid group aka Her Bestest Fwiends <3 that she might literally kill for at this point

she's such a good strategist now bc she was literally her gamer group's raid coordinator and strategist lmao