#do i want to be percieved?

[kiyomizuki2]

i dont think ao3 readers who dont write understand that comments mean more to me than kudos most days. i would love to know what you actually think of my writing or even just a "hey i like your work have a cookie" than just a number of clicked hearts. however, guest comments make me scared if they don't say they're like... idk the one teacher in high school who would leave guest comments to me and i knew it was them. other than that. WHO ARE YOU. THANK YOU? BUT WHO ARE YOU???

[fadedrainbowbookshelves]

"I don't know how someone who dislikes insects as much as you gets stung so often- have you seen Poppy for this?"

[forestgreenlesbian]

youre not allowed to b a freak loser loner anymore or at least youre not allowed to mention it lol. even like five years ago you could talk about being awkward and socially weird around meeting new people but now if you do that eveeryones like "ok edgelord you are deliberately cutting yourself off from community why are you so obsessed with being alone. you all need to go outside and make real friends you are too online." which like yes obviously but why is eveyrone acting like the only two options are you either a) have a load of friends or b) you don't want them??? it is so weird. to be seen trying & failing has become so taboo that people assume if you're alone it's because you want to be and youre trying to be cool & aloof or else you see things like small talk or reaching out to people as "emotional labour" and choose not to do them. like i am not fucking choosing not to do them i literally try to do them every day and find it very hard and then you tell me i can't even joke about that struggle or being a lonely friendless loser to maybe for one second make light of the bottomless pit of disconnect + loneliness i experience every day without someone blaming me for not putting myself out there. idk

[spielzeugkaiser]

hi, first off i really love your art. the h/c and warmth really hit me where i live and your illustration style is fantastic. lately i've been obsessed with the post where an unwell milek thinks geralt will leave him behind. was that an ingrained insecurity, assuming his super-witcher dad wouldn't have time for a sickly human kid?

[MASTERPOST] - Ahh, thank you for the ask! Yes, this scene.. I actually saw this a bit differently! It's not about Milek fearing Geralt will leave him behind, he actually wants him to. They need to find his Pa!! I think he often feels like a burden; Jaskier knows this, but Geralt isn't aware of this yet. Milek just wants to pull his weight, especially with Jaskier. A little sneak peak to their struggles regarding this:

Meanwhile Jaskier continues to struggle with his omega status.

[sunlit-mess]

How did you get so good at animating and drawing? Aside from practice, what techniques do you use? What software do you use?

I only know the basics/fundamentals of both drawing and animation.

For drawing, I've carried out lessons about the Elements and principles of design, the history of graphics design, traditional drawing techniques, color theory, anatomy, character design, blah blah blah. Lots of info I still do my best to practice/put in my art. If y'all notice me animating gifs then it's bc I have time to do so... ( I'm in term break until late July ) They're likely short, but it's through animation blocking, timing, and incorporating both in-betweens and tweening.

I've used Adobe Animate/After Effects for school projects, sometimes for doodles only, I currently use Clip Studio Paint bc it's where I'm more comfy with ^^ Maybe someday I'll be able to afford Toon Boom hehe.

[heartru]

my least favourite thing from the watcher discourse has been people saying “WE never asked for higher quality” or “your most popular shows are where you just sit around and talk!!” - babes its likely not what THEY want to do for the rest of eternity lol. they’re allowed to want to grow as creatives and make things they are proud of?

[koifsssh]

some Rainy's for your amusement!

(and an updated reference sheet!)

[fraternum-momentum]

so so so glad ur art has been taking off lately... i've loved ur dol art for ages now, so it's fun to see things with a wider appeal blow up! nwn

ty for sticking with me for so long !!!! it's honestly so surreal tbh,, im just kinda doing whatever comes to mind / whatever i want to do, im glad people seem to like it :33

[arsene-fixates]

Informant Really Does Care (About Family)

I got brain worms the other night so (arms stretched wide) hi everyone thanks for tuning in to yet another analysis of this guy

this one's a combination of a continuation to my older 'he cares about the townspeople' analysis and also a third parter to my analysis about his family

spoilers under the cut as always ^_^

Initially i had thought that Informant didn't truly like his family, with how dismissive he was when he first revealed himself to felix in the forest-- his words being 'i had to leave my friends, home, and family' with family being the last in the list (mild hinting at how he wasnt really a fan of them from the start)

or how when informant and felix first reunited, they had almost gotten into 2 arguments, first one due to felix almost resigning as the mayor and informant trying to convince him not to do so, which led to informant revealing that felix has never really listened to him when they were children and was always making decisions for him

the second argument being how felix wants informant to come back and throw away his life of being the informant and just live as his brother which leads to informant cutting himself off from the family

but in the scene where he decides to cut himself off from his family, he says this

but the thing is that even with how detached he acts towards felix, he genuinely does care still

like.. informant was going to sacrifice himself by becoming the wolf forever for the sake of felix, to put his worries at ease, and just before he was going to do it, he asked me to give him a locket which contained a picture of him and felix when they were young and he says this

'it reminded me of what truly matters'

or when he had to submit to the witch to figure out why he was acting so recklessly, (the thought parasite arc) the thing that calmed him down was a childhood memory and he has also kept keepsakes from their childhood. I Am Crazy

I feel like this strained behavior that he has around his family is connected to an inferiority complex he has, similarly to how he doesn't talk about himself much, he also tends to brush his own issues aside

note how he says it has a passing remark, lets it linger for a bit and then just moves on as if it isn't a big deal

"i still bring my loved ones so much trouble" and "i thought felix would be better off with me"

i think this was a product of the thing that felix had said to him just before informant disappeared

"I have no time. There's a pile of papers i have to deal with" and while felix did admit that the paperwork was more important to him than informant at the time, his disappearance was a burden on his shoulders <- his words

and reminder, informant was already a pretty solitary person (and frankly, quite lonely) before he became the werewolf, a person who had always kept to himself

i imagine felix saying this was also a blow to his self esteem. He never felt he fit in with the people around him, and now his own family is turning him away? it must be hard to have to warm up to family again after being apart for so long

he misses him, but he acts detached, arguing as if they were young and then cutting himself off from the family... Informant feels too kind for his own good if i could be honest, kind and independent to a fault.

i was absolutely fooled by him.. he truly does care...

ALSO i don't know if i mentioned this in the previous family analysis stuff but one thing i love about felix and informant is how they perceive each other's actions differently

Felix is protective of informant because he's his little brother, and by quite a large age gap too so its natural for him to feel like an instinct to worry and want the best for him but but informant perceives that as felix being controlling

and WHILE YES, THAT BEHAVIOUR ESSENTIALLY MAKES FELIX NOT QUITE CARE ABOUT HOW INFORMANT FEELS ABOUT THE DECISION MAKING, FELIX'S INTENTIONS ARE OVERALL GOOD BUT INFORMANT TAKES THAT AS NEGATIVE

and Informant wanting to take back that control of his life.. felix perceives that as informant rebelling and "not him" because informant had been obedient to him for so long and now that informant's doing his own thing felix feels apprehensive to it

blood is thicker than water but neither water or blood can account for separation from it's source. they've existed outside their roles as siblings for so long with different experiences that they're just different people at this point

[sp00pypumpkins]

I am finally better from being sick a few days ago B] and finished the ref for Zero in the sweet home AU by @asamary (sorry for the tag)

Now I can freely do silly lil comics about it HAHA

[based--ball]

This has been the summer of the weird baseball creations for me and I have been having such a blast. Like who knew that to make me happy all you have to do is sit me down in front of a jays game with craft supplies or a laptop and a snack and a drink. I've made collages and I've written fic and I've written poetry for the first time since probably grade 6? I've started embroidering again? I made a paper doll even though I don't draw? I don't think of myself as a particularly creative person but I guess I have been making things so maybe I'm in my creative period lol

[officialrapunzelfitzherbert]

maybe next time

word count: 2.5k

fandom: buffy the vampire slayer

characters: tara maclay & rupert giles

summary: tara attempts to break the ice with giles after the birthday incident with her family.

preview:

Tara saw what Mr. Giles had with Buffy. She saw what he had with the whole group. She knew just how badly she wanted that, and it felt so big and powerful that she wasn't sure if she could ever touch it. He didn't know her that way. She didn't really know him that way, either.

She might never see her father again.

a/n i do not have an ao3 account and do not remember my ff.net password so yall are getting my first fic since 2012 on this webbed site have fun everybody. perhaps i will write again in another 12 years <3

In no particular order, Tara had three goals for her trip to the Magic Box.

Goal #1: Formally apologize to Mr. Giles for the spell that got his shop attacked by demons and for involving him in the family drama that followed.

Goal #2: Have a real one-on-one conversation with Mr. Giles.

Goal #3 (optional): If he's open to it, get a job at the Magic Box to get to know Mr. Giles better.

She'd had it all mapped out. She'd been taking notes and rehearsing whenever no one was looking. She had a whole story about being on an errand for Willow so that she had an excuse if she needed to make a quick exit. She knew exactly which crystal she was going to buy, exactly what coffee order she had to pick up on her way back to their dorm, and exactly where she would hide to look busy browsing if she started to panic.

The truth was that Tara adored Mr. Giles. Unfortunately, she was painfully aware of why. It didn't help that Willow had been dropping hints that the two of them should be closer ever since the recent birthday incident with her father. It wasn't that Tara didn't appreciate the encouragement, but every time Willow mentioned his name and gave her that Knowing Willow Look, it just felt so important that the pressure got the tiniest bit debilitating.

Tara saw what Mr. Giles had with Buffy. She saw what he had with the whole group. She knew just how badly she wanted that, and it felt so big and powerful that she wasn't sure if she could ever touch it. He didn't know her that way. She didn't really know him that way, either.

She might never see her father again.

The last thing Tara wanted was to embarrass herself in front of Mr. Giles by letting him see how much she wanted him to like her. She knew she was projecting. But every day that passed without her saying a word to him was starting to feel like another nail in a coffin. If she averted her eyes from him one more time, she was sure he'd think she hated him. That or that she was terrified of him - not entirely untrue, but not in the way he probably thought. Maybe if they started working together while the shop was still new and there were tasks to complete, it would help them break through whatever polite-off they were having.

Before her birthday, she'd almost given up on being his friend. But now she had two pieces of evidence that it wasn't a lost cause:

Exhibit A: He'd stood up to her father for her.

Exhibit B: He gave her a birthday present.

He still hardly knew her. But it was proof that he cared. She wasn't imagining that, as much as the self-conscious worms in her brain kept trying to tell her she must have been. She was there. She saw it. She had the crystal ball on her desk. That was real.

If there was ever a window, it was now.

So she found herself at the Magic Box replaying her script over and over in her head. The plan was to get right into it so she wouldn't have time to overthink it, but as she walked in to see Mr. Giles and Anya in the middle of a semi-heated but clearly petty argument, she realized this wasn't a scenario she'd planned for.

As Mr. Giles heard the door open and made a split-second of awkward eye contact with her, Tara gave a weak smile and a wave. He smiled back politely but his attention very quickly went back to Anya, who hadn't stopped talking long enough to take a breath, let alone notice that someone else was there.

Tara waited about two seconds before making a beeline to her hiding spot among the books.

She'd made it 3 pages into a book she already owned by the time Anya let out a long dramatic sigh and went downstairs to storage. She took a deep breath. Tara liked Anya, but it was always hard to predict what she was going to say. If she wanted to eliminate as many variables as she could, she had to do this now.

Acting as natural as possible, Tara walked over to the crystals. Even though she was expecting it, she still flinched a little when she heard a voice calling from behind the counter.

“Sorry, Tara, did you need anything?”

“Hi, Mr. Giles,” Tara replied, “Oh, I was just here to pick something up for Willow, she's in class right now so…”

Tara fought back a wince as she heard herself speak and mentally updated her list.

Goal #4: Figure out a way to organically stop calling him Mr. Giles.

She'd already said it once today, so it might be too obvious if she dropped the “Mr.” in the same conversation, but maybe by the next time they talked, they'd be familiar enough that he wouldn't notice.

Keeping that in the back of her mind, she forced herself to get started on goal #3:

“Oh, but while I'm here, I was actually just…” Tara stammered, fidgeting with the crystal she'd picked up as her script escaped her, “well, I wanted to ask if… I’m happy to help out if you need-”

“Of course,” said Giles before she could finish, “Well, you have, you've- everything you've done for Buffy, for all of us-”

"No, I-” Tara stopped herself for a second and reminded herself that he was giving her a compliment that she needed to acknowledge. “Yeah, always. I just meant... In the shop, if you’re looking for an extra set of hands for anything, I'm available."

"Oh, well, if you're looking for a job…” Giles paused in a way that made Tara's heart sink.

He was looking for the kindest way to say no.

“Well,” he continued, “Anya's not one for taking days off, I’m afraid, so there's not really a position- that is to say the budget at this stage is still- but-”

“Oh, that's okay,” Tara interrupted so he wouldn't have to come up with any more reasons to justify it, “No worries. I was just-”

“And I wouldn't want to interfere with your studies-”

“Totally get it.”

“Perhaps during the holidays, I might have some extra work for you. It's a bit early to say for sure, but I expect I'll need everyone's help on Halloween if nothing else.”

“Maybe then, yeah.”

“I'm sorry that's all I can really-”

“No, it's no big deal. I was just saying if you needed… And I mean, I'm not so great with the customers anyways.”

Giles blinked. “You've met Anya?”

Tara chuckled softly and felt her shoulders relax just a little.

“Well,” Giles continued, “if anything, keeping the floor stocked is probably where I'll need the most backup. You'll certainly be the first to know.”

“Yeah, of course.”

There was a brief pause. This counted as a one-one-one conversation, didn't it? That was goal #2. Goal #3 of getting a job had been eliminated and #4 was for the next time they talked. So all that was left for today was #1: apologize. That was the real challenge. She wasn't sure if this was going to naturally come up, but if she could just spit it out and leave as quickly as possible, she wouldn't have to see his reaction.

“Speaking of holidays,” said Giles, “you've got somewhere to go?”

This caught Tara off-guard.

“Huh?”

She hadn't been looking at him since he'd politely rejected her, but this got her to finally look up and see a softness in his face that she wasn't prepared for.

“Yeah,” she said when she finally remembered how to speak, “Willow and I haven't made a plan yet exactly, but whatever she's up to. I know she wants us to do my first Hanukkah this year, so I'm excited for that.”

Tara felt her voice drop what felt like a full octave when she started talking about Willow earnestly. That subject was always easy. Giles clearly noticed this and smiled.

“That's wonderful.”

“You did Thanksgiving at your place last year, right?”

“Well, Buffy did, it was my place, but that was a bit of a-”

“Oh, I don't mean to-” Tara stammered, hoping she hadn't just accidentally invited herself into his home. Sometimes she spoke just to make sure words were coming out of her mouth and would realize at the end of the sentence that she might have implied something she didn't mean.

“I guess you wouldn't really celebrate it,” Tara went on, “Willow usually doesn't either.”

Giles gave that polite laugh that was more of a quick exhale. Tara knew from her own experience that this meant he didn't know how to respond to that.

Was it rude to assume he would celebrate American Thanksgiving? Should she be asking about English holidays?

Goal #5: Learn about English holidays later.

A few agonizing seconds passed as Tara desperately tried to flip through her mental script for the next talking point that felt the most organic, but Giles spoke before she could.

“Well, last year, we all got together at Buffy's with her family for Christmas,” he said, “I'm sure they'll be hosting again this year. Of course you're welcome to come.”

Tara smiled. “That sounds nice.”

“You're not the only one with a, um… difficult family situation. You'll fit right in, I’m sure.”

Tara didn't know how to process when anyone said something that implied they'd been thinking of her, much less someone she admired as much as Giles. She also didn't know much about the other Scoobies’ families. But as she thought about each of them and the things they didn't talk about, it hit her that maybe her own family didn't make her an outsider after all. Maybe that was actually the one thing she had in common with everyone.

She found herself suddenly curious about how Giles grew up. What were his parents like? Were they still alive? Did he ever have a family of his own?

So many questions that it wasn't time to ask yet. For now, she was simply grateful.

“Thanks. And I um…” She took a deep breath. It was now or never. “I wanted to apologize about that. I didn't mean to bring my family stuff into your-”

“No, no, that's-”

“Really, I-”

“Tara, believe me, if it's not demons threatening my life in the workplace, it's angry customers. Between the two of them, I'll take the ones I'm allowed to hit, if I'm being honest. And as for the spell, I mean, it's not as if I… as if we all haven't… Just as long as you're all right.”

“It's just…My dad was so-”

“Your father I could have taken if Buffy wouldn't have gotten to him first,” said Giles, his accent getting just a little less posh for a moment. His lips tightened as if he had more words that he thought it best not to say out loud.

It was hard to picture Mr. Giles in a fight. But Tara had heard stories. Apparently he could be terrifying when he needed to be. Willow had described it as him being two completely different people: one a mild-mannered British librarian who couldn't hurt a fly, and the other a man with that look you only have if you've killed in cold blood before and aren't afraid to do it again. Tara had only ever seen glimpses of the second one. Every time she'd seen the scarier Giles, though, she'd noticed he was always protecting someone.

Now that she was the one being protected, he didn't feel like two people at all. She didn't know all the details of what he'd done in his past. She didn't need to. In this moment, as far as she was concerned, the gap between the gentle Giles and the terrifying Giles was bridged. At the core of both was just a man who cared.

“Thank you,” Tara said softly.

“Of course. And you're…?” Giles trailed off, gesturing to her nose where Spike had hit her.

“Oh!” Tara exclaimed, remembering to breathe again now that she'd been reminded she had a nose and lungs attached to it somewhere. “Yeah, I'm fine. Not broken. I put some ice on it.”

“Glad to hear it. Sorry he hit you. I'm sure there was another way we could've-”

“No, it's fine. It was quicker.”

Giles shrugged. A few more seconds of silence passed and Tara felt her face getting hot as she became hyper-aware of herself. If she let on just how much this talk meant to her now, she was sure to blow this whole thing. It was best to make her exit for today and do this in small doses.

“Well, I'd better go,” she said, placing the crystal by the register, “Just this.”

She quickly looked down to dig into her bag for her wallet, letting her hair fall in front of her face and praying that she hadn't turned into a tomato in front of someone whose approval she was so desperate for. Giles put a hand up to stop her.

“On me.”

Tara's eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

Giles ripped off the price tag and glanced over to the door that Anya was sure to return through any moment now.

“Well, best to keep it quiet,” he said, discreetly shoving the sticker into his pocket so he wouldn't be caught giving away free product, “but really, I insist.”

“Okay,” Tara said, freezing for a second. When it came to her birthday, she knew that gifts could have just been because of an unspoken social rule, or maybe just to please Willow. This, however, was a kindness Tara had done nothing to earn. Before she'd put the crystal down, she'd been gripping it so hard there were indents on her fingers. Now, as she picked it back up, she was cradling it as if any movement would shatter it completely.

“Thank you so much,” she said, knowing that it wasn't enough, but not knowing what else to say. “Well, I'll see you later, Mr. Giles.”

Tara saw him think for a second, almost open his mouth to speak, and then stop himself. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she could have sworn he was about to tell her that she could just call him Giles. He looked a little embarrassed for a moment, but gathered himself quickly and just gave a gentle nod.

Maybe next time.

“Take care,” Giles said as Tara waved goodbye.

His smile was a lot like his usual polite customer service smile, but there was a hint of warmth in it now. She'd seen that before, but she couldn't remember ever being on the receiving end until now. But maybe she had been. Maybe she'd just been too nervous to look at him long enough to notice.

Two out of five goals achieved. And one new piece of evidence to put next to the crystal ball on her desk.

She could work with that.

[sapphire-drawings]

I want to start writing Don’t Starve fanfic but I’m a lil bit scared 😭 Your work makes me want to create but I’m nervous about being perceived lmao. I see people saying “this may be OOC” and I didn’t think the Don’t Starve characters had much of a character beyond some implications,, I’m afraid of getting it wrong 😅

I'm also scared of being perceived! :D it freaking sucks!! I hate it ✨

And I'd say, you should create, even if you're afraid of it, even if you don't like it like you used to, even if you're tired, even when the idea doesn't seem that good.

You can have a taste of the characters personalities through their quotes and such but at the end of the day there's a TON of head cannons for each one of them. Some of them make sense, many don't, other are just fun! You could either find head cannons you really like and play with them or just write whatever you want.

I often feel like I draw them super out of character. I doubt Wilson would have such strong paternal instincts and energy but I have fun with it! Even when I'm not really satisfied with the end result. Create for yourself, be a little self indulgent even, people may find it good or interesting, maybe not, but remember, there'll always be a hater for everything and that's ok, they're just sad and immature projecting their pathetic feelings through mean words that mean nothing.

Don't worry about what other's might say, just create! Share it with friends, share it with the world or to no one in particular. I have a shit ton of drawings made for myself and only myself.

Never stop creating for what other's might say!

[boycritter]

and im so sick of 17 wheres my fucking teenage dream if someone tells me one more time 'enjoy your youth' im gonna cry and i dont stick up for myself im anxious and nothing can help and i wish id done this before and i wish people liked me more all i did was try my best this the kind of thanks i get unrelentingly upset they say these are the golden years but i wish i could disappear ego crush is so severe g-d. its brutal out here. i feel like no one wants me and i hate the way im percieved and i only have two real friends and lately im a nervous wreck cause i love people i dont like and i hate every song i write and im not cool and im not smart AND I CANT EVEN PARALLEL PARK !!!

[lifenconcepts]

Please express exactly how you view me in the exact manner it occurs to you when you see or interact with me please please I absolutely need to know. It’s important.

[sunlit-mess]

I just wanted to say that I really like and appreciate your art. It's just so captivating!!!! I cannot look away

I don't have the social skills but I've been wanting to say that for like 2 months now and I've finally got the guts to do it ( though anonymously lol )

I really don't know what to say honestly AAAAAA idk I get giddy and stuff when I see notifications of you having a new post ( idk I just do I'm weird (?) LAJDAKJSKDJ )

I recently made this Tumblr account to see your work in high quality Uhm hajzhagxhq

Your art is like the oxygen I breathe , the food I eat , and the water I drink

Ok I need to stop rambling HAHAJFNWB

Good luck with balancing schoolwork and everything else! And remember to stay hydrated, especially with this hot weather!! It feels like we're the remains of a melted ice cream evaporating under the sunlight idkwhatimsaying

Hello, thank you so much!! I've re-read this many times now HAHAH. Messages like these always brings a smile to my face ^^ same goes for the ones with dear messages until the oldest one, I keep them in my inbox so I can remember them.