#do i need to do everything here myself :')
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YYOO??!!
IT HAS LIGHT FEATURE??!!
YOOOOOO!!!!
HUGE UPDATE, I HAVE FOUND THE FULL VIDEO
AHA I HAVE WON
I HAVE THE WHOLE THING IN THIS POST
youtube
I'm putting just the link here 'cuz tumblr doesn't let the video through
youtube
#transformers#maccadam#transformers one#the chocolate guy#foaming at the mouth#2 weeks i just need to wait 2 weeks#where's the tumblr account that posts this guys work#i need to find it NOW#Youtube#edit#i have to do everything myself here#tf one#optimus prime#chocolate
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
#writeblr#warm up#to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace#but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3#mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES#and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for#than have 1 kid NOT get help#but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here#bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness#but use it to defend THEIR actions#like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like#all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol
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happy solvermas
#cause t. no actually if christ is the son of god and the solver is god then it'd be like uzimas#quick sketch i pulled out of my ass yesterday to see if i could get myself out of art block/burnout/whatever ive got going on#v was added after cause i had no idea how to work her into the scene#implied nuziv or something look man im just desperate about this ship#and i dont know how to draw fluff or whatever#im so bad at romance i dont know how to express it#but i've been desperately trying to draw nuziv for the past months#i think this is actually like some of my best linework yet im really satisfied with everything right now#been a long time since i've felt that#turns out the “stop overthinking every pixel of the expressions and just draw the approximation the audience will get the jist” approach wo#ks#something something n is the star of their life. tree light chrismtas#it is taking. All of my restraint right now#to not be So Mean to all of you#You Don't Even Know#I Could Do Something. I Might Still.#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones v#serial designation v#murder drones cyn#i need liam to explain whether cyn and the solver are the same person already so i can tag them appropriately its driving me nuts#oh yeah cyn got a plush core to chew on by the way#the idea of giving her a chew toy was rolling around in my head and i think its a very funny visual so here we are
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an archdevil and a presidential candidate sneak into a gay bar
flatcolor + closeups below :)
#they love each other so much you guys don’t understand#they’ve lived together for years. they have seen each other at their worst.#THEY HAVE CHOSEN EACH OTHEROVER EVERYTHING SO MANY TIMES#ITS ALL ABOUT FRIENDSHIP#ITS ALL ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE#ITS ALL ABOUT TAKING CARE OF EACH OTHER#my brother just brought me fettuccine alfredo#which is an important addon to this post#(it’s all about taking care of each other)#BY THE WAY#I understand the ‘they are sisters’ response to lots of my bad girls posts but I need to make it so clear that it’s more than that#not to be that guy because I do get it but I’m in a constant state of twisting myself around my art to avoid some things#and something I get a bunch is people seeing things as either ‘they’re siblings’ or ‘they’re dating’ when neither was my intention#because what I’m trying to get across here isn’t romantic and it’s not really sisterly either. love is such a wide range beyond that#+ and I want those types of love to also be understood within my art y’know#all that to say that it’s not that deep and they love each other very very much any way you slice it#d20#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20#d20 fanart#fantasy high#fhjy#kristen applebees#fig faeth#fig fantasy high#kristen fantasy high#kristen chilis applebees#applefaeth#undescribed#my art
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Wouldn’t it be so fucking funny if we finally get to meet Steve’s parents in s5 and they’re like…typical suburban parents
After making them mostly monsters in fanfic like guys fffff half the time we make them emotionally abusive and/or neglectful, the other half physically, and then like if you’re on the dark web then 3% of the time they work for the lab and Steve’s like a failed number…
For like, the vibes ya know
…But then we actually meet them and it’s a pudgy office dad with glasses married to an “I can be cool >:(‘ mom.
-“Steve, I thought you said your mom doesn’t trust your dad…looks like they love each other?”
Steve: “???wym, of course they love each other. But obviously she doesn’t trust dad on trips cuz he got lost in a Texas airport once, duh.”
-“ok, what about when you said he’d kill you if he found out you drink?”
Steve: “Yeah??? I’m literally underaged and if he found out I’ve been watering down his $200 liquor he’d be so pissed 🙄”
Like, TO BE FAIR Steve’s dad telling him to get a summer job to figure out the value of money or whatever is pretty typical like baby boy didn’t work in high school 😭 and he’s like pouting and huffing about in scoops
He has a fancy car that his parents trust him to drive and take care of
And him not wanting to work for his dad is valid of him like imagine his dad is trying to be supportive like “if you ever need a job son you can come work with me :)”
and steve would hate that cuz to him it would feel like he didn’t deserve it or work for it, working for his dad feels like it means he failed to make something of himself
And like Steve’s not a bad kid, he’s a teenager who just hates his first job cuz customer service sucks, does stupid kid shit like drink and go to parties, and feels like he missed his chance to makes something of himself that he and his parents can be proud of just because he’s a little behind than the rest of his peers
I relate to that so hard
Like bro said he was having a party at his house and it was just like…4 people he invited with a six pack. No music or anything just chillin on lawn chairs and shooting the shit
Even his home is in warm colors 💀
But we love the angst 🤌 the drama 🤌 and torturing our favorite character
#Texas airports are huge#steve harrington headcanon#steve harrington#I too was a teen who felt like a failure because I had everything#I had a supportive family#and I got rejected from ALL but one university#who said I needed to do a math course in summer if I accepted cuz I fucking suck at math#I felt so anger at myself and my older brother was like don’t worry about money or a job just try your best#and if it doesn’t work out we’re here :)#and it’s like I KNOW but I need to prove to myself that Im capable do it on my own#anyways#this turned into a projecting post…#my bad guys#bee speaks#steddie#harringrove#stancy#stoncy#platonic stobin
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Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.
His grey hairs are so earned
#Chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#analysis#HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY#You know what yeah understandable have a good day#Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm#I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s#how he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺#I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many#compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol#He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!!#I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers#He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help#Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’#is nice in his opinion#This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost…#OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level.#‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc#Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡#Laws are important to him bc he knows how bad punishment is if you break them and how they’re the key to getting better rights
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241202 San instagram: 😉
#choi san#san#ateez#mine#no one fuckign posted those in a row and i need to archive this to stare at his belly so#gotta do everything myself around here
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What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?
#fe warriors three hopes#mercedes von martritz#miklan anschutz gautier#we really only need to clarify this is STRICTLY warriors miklan and i think ive already condemned myself but i accept it#i am very sorry but the person i usually would talk to about rare pairs has been a bit busy so i couldnt go to them to get it out that way#so art is the only way i have you have to understand its not my fault (its my fault)#did you guys know i reset the azure gleam map three times before googling the chapter where he dies to try and save him#no i dont think he deserves to be pardoned for what hes done but i liked that w3h gave him a small chance to be better FOR HIMSELF#no i dont think he should simply be forgiven for everything he did but i do like that he was given humanity and how#he was still not a good guy but damn you guys i think about that npc sometimes#who says that they admired him becoming something despite being a criminal bc if miklan can do it whats stopping them from being better ?#like that npc stuck with me a while ok#just ......... there are a lot of thoughts here that i dont think many of you care to read even in tags so ill stop now#i will say the canvas is saved as speed run to cancellation lesgo
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Pregnancy as a kink makes me uncomfortable so man am I glad your pregg Flug stuff is explicitly not kink oriented!
yeah I... don't wanna judge anyone... but it's more than that, it's downright terrifying to me. Blame my hormones bc I'm expecting irl but wow... I'm very sensitive and it feels dehumanizing. but ig that is kinda the point of the kink(?)
it's so common in fandoms!
I'm completely vanilla anyway tho, so not surprising.
I've tried to pretend for a super long time that I'm into kink, but most of them are off putting and I consider them intrusive thoughts, not fantasies. I'm kinda fluctuating between sex-repulsed and neutral (aroace) even fictional... ig kink just isn't for me. I tried so hard to get over it. I know some people in my asks/requests are gonna be disappointed but I'm sorry💔
I'm slightly ashamed of how boring I am and I have serious trouble connecting to anyone in fandoms due to this actually🤕 feel like the most NT autistic person ever.
anyway here's a doodle!
#that's autism for you#I'm sadly really picky and easily grossed out by things#I'm not even trying to be judgemental#I wish I was such a person that is just chill with everything but I have more icks than likes#so my fandom experience is like 80% discomfort and trying to avoid things without shutting out the majority of content in the first place#from what I heard I seem to have this problem particularly in this fandom bc the series is horror.#and I ship a toxic ship.#but I neither enjoy horror nor this trope. so what the fuck am I doing here#how did I get here. I'm lost guys#but yeah; it naturally attracts more people that are into quite dark or hardcore things#and I'm just sitting here with my soft dick in my hand wondering where it all went wrong#i don't belong here#I can't relate to 99% of people#honestly? I just... like Flug....... I just adore the autistic scientist#and I wanna SMOOCH him but I can't identify too well with myself or thus my sona#so how the fuck am I gonna smooch and love on this man#I need SOME second character for this!!#well Black Hat is pretty cool and easier to draw than the rest; I like his design...#so here we are.#I'm not really in it with my heart. I don't understand the essence of this ship. I'm a fandom blep#that's why a lot of content is probably disturbing and upsetting as hell to me.#but that's just my theroy..... a Joshi™ theory#sorry for rant I am bored and tired😔#enjoy#villainous#villanos#dr flug#kenning flugslys#my art#ask reply
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my milly & vash funkos look like they’re kicking ass together so. Lolz
#BANGING ON THE WALLS. I NEED VASH & MILLY TEAMUPS PLEAAAASSEEEEEEEE#DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF AROUND HERE.#This is from a few weeks ago but I dont have anything else LOLZ !!!!#well i do but i don't wanna post it LMFAO#milly thompson#milly trigun#vash the stampede#vash trigun#the humanoid typhoon#nicholas d wolfwood#wolfwood#wolfwood trigun#meryl stryfe#meryl trigun#trigun#trigun maximum#trigun 98#trigun 1998#trimax#like always. Idk this isnt tristamp so I would. Prefer it not be tagged as such but idc its just. Ambiguous trigun#vashwood#merylmilly#polyguns#bcos i love polyguns SORRY ITS THE POLYNINJA CARRYING OVER LMFAO
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this is a crime.
#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans#iskall85#iskall#swedishbeans#someone needs to write for them#god do i have to do everything myself around here#nya talks
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a fresh meme
#nabari no ou#anyway so 🏳️🌈 is winning but im putting 🫵under the cut for ferne specifically#mwah#gotta do everything myself around here hobestly /j#nno#my art#this was also NOT what i was supposed to draw today but alas#we need more memes so.
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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HEY DO YOU GUYS EVER THINK ABOUT HOW ABIGALE BLACKWING, A VERY INDEPENDENT INVENTRESS, SUDDENLY WENT AND MARRIED A RICH MAN (implied to be a Northwest) AFTER THE COLLAPSE OF THE ANTI-CIPHER SOCIETY? DO YOU EVER THINK MAYBE THAT MARRIAGE WAS OUT OF A DESPERATE NEED FOR SAFTEY FROM BEING INSTITUTIONALIZED? DO YOU EVER THINK MAYBE ABIGALE FEELS SHE TRADED AN ASYLUM FOR FREEDOM OVER HER LIFE? HOW SHE’S STILL TRAPPED IN A CAGE BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY? DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT!? BECAUSE I DO!
Anyway uhhhh Click for Quality.
#oh yeah here’s the code translations btw#Top: ABIGALE BLACKWING#Left: NOW WHO CLIPPED YOUR WINGS#Right: WHATS A FLIGHTLESS BIRD TO DO#I’ve been constructing a story around her. I love her. she’s my everything.#because like. my idea of Abigale is so independent and free and also very much a lesbian#so in order for her to have married a rich man (implied to be a northwest) like#what are the circumstances there#I NEED to know#and since it’s prolly impossible for me to know I will MAKE IT UP MYSELF!#she’s just becoming an oc now. I’m stealing her from Alex hirsch she’s mine now#aria draws#digital art#digital drawing#the book of bill#book of bill#tbob#tbob fanart#the book of bill fanart#Abigale Blackwing#the anti-cipher society#anti cipher society#the anti cipher society#anti-bill society#anti bill society#the anti bill society#should. should I tag her as oc. I’m basically inventing everything about her.#no…. no that’s too far I think. not yet.#eyestrain
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just kinda wanted to draw out this part of my fic as a way of making myself draw something
#tmnt#tmnt au#tmnt iteration#shredded descent#tmnt raphael#tmnt leonardo#tmnt leo#tmnt raph#raph#leo#art#i was not even sure how far to go with it but you know you can read on but its uhhhhhhh dark as everything else i do here is#really just using it as an excuse to make myself draw yk how it is#and i think that fic is my best work (you know cuz its the one that hurt me lmao)#no i cant figure out how to draw them consistently so dont ask#but props to me i remembered leos shoulder strap every time#suicide tw#if thats needed uh#stole the colours from the other one i did cuz i liked how those colours came out hhh
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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