#do i know how to sell myself or what?
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as i always do whenever i step into a new fandom, i try to find the voices of the characters by writing character studies. currently working on a five-piece series on dead boy detectives, because i am not sure which character will be the one i have pinned down the best (i know who i want that to be, though), and since english is not my first language, and it's been so long since i last wrote anything (my writing feels so rusty, ngl), i may be on the look for a steady beta-reader.
i am not the most constant writer, and i have some problems with english as i was saying. but i always accept suggestions and try to learn so i don't make the same mistakes twice.
i have one of the five pieces done already, under 1,5k. i am working on the second piece, and after the whole series is done i may have ideas for more stories. not in a rush to post it or anything, but i would like to start searching for a beta-reader in case it takes some time to find one that is compatible with my writing (and i am compatible with their style).
my style is quite different from most (you can ask @sasakisniko about it). i tend to write short pieces (under 2k) but when i write long pieces they are usually over 10k (last one got out of hand and ended up being over 50k).
my dms are open, of course.
@sasakisniko thank you for all the love you've been spreading about these boys. you have helped me get back my writing, which i had missed dearly.
#do i know how to sell myself or what?#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dbda#on the look for a beta-reader#lire writes again#woah didn't this get long#sorry for the wordy post
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a beautiful John as the fallen angel on this fine evening anyone?
#I ATEEEE#no actually that’s a lie I was running on a bowl of grapes and a java monster when I painted this#I did this in ???? 3 hours ???? what#I know I joked about selling my soul to do art but now I’m starting to believe it myself cus like ????? how#anyway. I’m impressed with myself. this is doing indescribable things to my ego#artists on tumblr#traditional art#gouache#gouache painting#malevolent#malevolent fanart#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent
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walter white from breaking bad
Walter Hartwell White (Breaking Bad) is an Anime Girl!
#my name is walter hartwell white. i live at 308 negra arroyo lane albuquerque new mexico 87104. this is my confession. if youre watching thi#s tape im probably dead. murdered by my brother in law hank schrader. hank has been building a meth empire for over a year and using me as#is chemist. shortly after my 50th birthday hank came to me with a rather shocking proposition. he asked that i use my chemistry knowledge t#cook methamphetamine which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. connections that he made through his career with the#DEA. i was... astounded. i always thought that hank was a very moral man and i was thrown. confused. but i was also particularily vulner#able at the time. something he knew and took advantage of. i was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. han#took me on a ride along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. and i was weak. i didnt want my family to#go into financial ruin so i agreed. every day i think back at that moment with regret. i quickly realized that i was in way over my head an#hank had a partner. a man named gustavo fring. a business man. hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man and when i tried to quit#fring threatened my family. i didnt know where to turn. eventually hank and fring had a falling out. from what i can gather hank was always#pushing for a greater share of the business to which fring flatly refused to give him and things escalated. fring was able to arrange uh i#uess you could call it a hit. on my brother in law. and failed but hank was seriously injured. and i ended up paying his medical bills whic#amounted to a little over 177000. upon recovery hank was bent on revenge working with a man named hector salamanca. he plotted to kill frin#and did so. in fact the bomb that he used was built by me and he gave me no option in it. i have often contemplated suicide but i am a cowa#d. i wanted to go to the police but i was frightened. hank had risen in the ranks to become head of the DEA and about that time to keep me#n line he took my children. for 3 months he kept them.my wife who up until that point had no idea of my criminal activities was horrified t#learn what i had done. why hank had taken our children. we were scared. i was in hell i hated myself for what i had brought upon my family.#recently i tried once again to quit to end this nightmare and in response he gave me this. i cant take this anymore. i live in fear every#ay that hank will kill me or worse hurt my family. i... all i could think to do was make this video in hope that the world will finally see#this man for what he really is.#breaking bad#walter white#your fave is an anime girl#your fave is#hall of fame
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keychains and stickers came in!!
#cowboy bebop#spike spiegel#trainer bebop#pokemon#ophelia#catboy bebop#trigun#millions knives#vash the stampede#merch#<- not actually selling anything i just dont know how to tag these posts.#im super happy with how they all came out <3#the stickers came in packs of eight...and for lack of other pieces that were sticker ready#i just added an extra set of bity siblings#idk what im going to do with four sets of feral plant children but thats what i got i guess...#(two sets actually. im giving two sets away and tbh i dont have a want for stickers myself...#but i'll find some use for them. i guess. lmao.)
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This is one of my first embroidery projects that was completely designed by me! Going forward, I’ll be making mostly all my own designs and then stitching them once the sketch is complete.
I had a lot of fun with this one! It’s got a great blend of colors, stitches, lengths, and words to consider. Inspiration really did just hit me out of no where and I basically sketched this out on the fabric (I know, not ideal, but I now have a whole sketch book dedicated to becoming embroidery patterns).
This item is for sale, DM me if you are interested. The item is a completed embroidered piece. This is not a pattern.
This is an original design. Do not repost. Do not sell any finished embroidery piece(s) from this design.
#shenzi rambles#embroidery#dmc#original design#I’m trying to get a start on selling what I make and I do not know the best way to go about that#or how best to protect myself from getting scammed#but I guess here is better than no where#idk are you guys interested in seeing the other pieces I’ve made??
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how would u guys feels about me selling stuff on inprnt? it likely wouldn't be fanart, it'd be original works—prolly mostly october eighteenth stuff. there might be fanart but i'm still deciding. any interest
#qktalks#assuming i . get accepted <33hahah#i complain for a while down below ˅ so . ignore the tags if u don't wanna hear my thoughts on selling stuff#if anybody remembers i used to sell stuff on redbubble and i closed the shop bc:#a) the artist margins r . fucking Pennies it feels like#and b) i felt . weird.selling my art to people#it felt unfair ? idk how to describe it#i know logically it doesn't make sense but it feels selfish to make people pay for my art#bc 1) i rly don't think it's worth money. but that's another can of worms#and 2) i think my art should be enjoyed for free ? that's just.how i think it should be#and to be clear i don't think this rule should apply to Other artists. it's just me. and yes logically that's ridiculous but#it's just how i feel. they're allowed to get money for their art. me tho ? fuggetaboutit#and im not much of a .. physical art kind of person? i don't rly.Get it. i guess. i've purchased One physical piece of art in my entire lif#other than that i just.don't see why people would buy physical art. not judging them for it ofc but im just not the type#so in my perspective idk why on EARTH anybody would buy physical stuff with My art on it. what. why would that be in demand#that ^ WAS how i thought. back when i closed the redbubble shop#but i recently searched all my favorite artist's profiles to see if they had shops that sold bookmarks#and i found myself ? sad when i discovered a fav artist of mine didn't have a shop or didn't offer bookmarks#and then it Clicked and i was like Ohhhhhh.#so yeah uhm . maybe ill put up a shop ? eventually.#i have to . make the art first. since i don't have any original works yet#but i was planning on doing more this year anyway so <3
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im having the worst body day in a good while in terms of pain but i refuse to lay down. for there lies the road to the devil (mental health spiraling with nothing to distract from it). i SHOULD cook. but im not sure ill be able to with the pain. especially since the pain is because it feels like literally nothing is sticking together, like im much more bendy and hypermobile and useless than normal, which severely affects both motor skills and body strength. not to mention that this is causing a bad jaw day where so chewing is pain cause i already cant keep it in place and keep my mouth properly closed. i keep complaining but like, holy fuck i want off this illness ride
#i wanna paint my nails also but i dont need to i just feel like it and also thatd cause worse pain but also hhrhgghh#glitter................. sparkles.....#but also i wanna shower cause im cold but i wont be able to stand up right now AND handle potentially passing out#id like to not slip and injure myself if i can at all help it if thats not too much to ask...#man im typing and causing myself pain from it but like what else am i supposed to fucking DOOOOOO#GGRRREAAAAAAAAA#im struggling to comprehend how its NOT the norm to be like this#like what do you MEAN this isnt the default human experience. what do you mean there are people who are free from this#at first i didnt understand i was fucked up because everyone told me im overreacting and everyone has it#only to find out that no they fucking dont and ive been damaged beyond repair trying to reach other peoples ability level#like how do you NOT feel angry and bitter about that? i dont WANT to be but abled people sell you a fucking lie#and then punish you for noticing signs that somethings amiss. and then YOURE the one whos demanding for being burnt out beyond repair#and unable to pretend youre fine and just like them for their comforts sake. god im sorry im just so#i cannot explain this as anything else but an ongoing process of grief and trauma and mourning#and i want to believe in reincarnation solely so that i could have another chance at life#where im not sick and forced to continue giving up the only things that made this pain at all bearable in the first place#im sorry ill be fine or rather i HAVE to be fine because otherwise i dont know what to do with myself and thats crushing me from within#silvi talks#i need a tag for my stupid annoying whining about my fucked up flesh lmao
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Magneto would love lumpia meanwhile Charles would have his Bibingka and Puto Bungbong hehe
Happy Holidays!
asks that remind me my bitchass friend kayla promised to make me *puto two years ago and she still hasnt
*puto is a filipino rice cake i do know it also means 'bitch' in spanish we do not have to address that thank you
#snap chats#'snap is the disclaimer necessary' every single time i mention 'puto' i get people clutching their pearls yes it is necessary vjAVKJ#LIKE I GET IT. CAN WE TALK ABOUT RICE CAKES NOW im hungry ...#kayla always gets beef from me but esp with puto and i only mention this when it was promised two years ago#cause SHE will always bring it up like 'oh yeah i still have to make you puto' bitch just forget it ive made it three times since then 😭#PUTO ISNT EVEN HARD TO MAKE LEGITIMATELY YOU JUST MAKE THE BATTER AND PUT IT IN THE SHIT AND STEAM IT#add a slice of cheddar on top if youre feeling especially nasty .... its so good .... anyway ..... rice cake ... i love it ...#i havent had bibingka in so long tho im PISSED. you know what else is really good tho cassava cake .. thats not rice but. lol#i never get to have filipino food on account of my mom hating cooking anything that isnt tiramisu knock offs#she really doesnt make filipino food she hasnt for years. my dad always does tho ..... whatever ....#i could always cook it myself of course. yeah... im lazy ill admit it you got me 😔#oh my god no you know whats great for the winter tinola I LOVE. chicken tinola so much#funny enough i learned how to make it when i was in the hospital from a filipino girl 🥰 we did not speak anymore after that interaction.#Also funny my fam and i were just talking about getting lumpia for christmas since theres like one (1) filipino place vaguely near us#'you guys dont make it??' on account of the fact im too lazy to make wrappers and no store near us sells any no <3#i did make lumpia myself once tho when we Did have wrappers after drivign out an hour to an asian market once#not to brag but they were pretty delicious ..... anyway ..#oh my god fuck me theres this like. speaking of rice cakes again JALKJKALJ theres this one with this delicious coconut sauce#BIKO IT'S BIKO its literally glutinous rice steamed in banana leaf with latik. UGH SOOO yummy ..... i dont have banana leaves anymore tho :#OH YOU KNOW WHATS ALSO GOOD FOR THE HOLIDAY lechon. that was my fave part bout goin to my dad's christmas parties#they had this big ass pig and i loved the ear .... crunchy as hell and so good 🤤 i havent had it in at least a decade tho..#now im hungry. and homesick. 'homesick for yoru dad?' homesick for my dad <- literally just saw him#well i get to see him again thursday :) goin to the doctor... gonna get my medicine again life is gonna be SO good !!!!!!#i have rambled far too long . happy holidays my friends !!!! do try to make puto this season ... very simple and very tasty .......
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Maybe I did this to myself but it does irk me when people see me knitting and they ask who it’s for and I say it’s for me and the immediate reaction is “you should sell it” yeah… let me spend at least a week’s worth of my free time making an item I like, want, and would wear just to sell it on etsy, making at most a £2 profit on materials and not being compensated for my time whatsoever 👍🏻
#i say maybe i did this to myself because historically i have gifted most of the items i have knitted#because the venn diagram of things i like to knit vs things i like to wear is actually 2 circles that don’t touch#i looove making hats. i HATE wearing hats#also i love making baby clothes but i don’t have a baby and i’m not going to have a baby#however lately i’ve gotten really into knitting socks and i really like to wear knit socks. it’s like the most affordable way for me to get#quality wool socks. and i’m going to be watching my shows anyway. the time will pass anyways#but it feels like people are deliberately making me feel weird for wanting to make stuff for myself and not profit off my hobby#and like i’ve made 3 pairs of socks to gift already because ‘tis the season or whatever. and i’ve started another pair for a friend whose#birthday is in january#genuinely it’s very weird to hear ‘you should sell it’ or ‘oh i want one!!’ about an item i’m making for myself. after 18 years of gifting#or donating basically everything i’ve ever knitted. like i’ve gifted 2 double bed size crochet blankets#everyone i’ve known who’s had a baby has gotten a cardigan or a blanket or hats or all of the above#i spent october making poppies for the church. i’ve never even stepped foot in my village church mind you. my neighbour asked me to help#do you know what i own? that i’ve knitted? a pair of mittens and a pair of socks.#you want some socks from me? alright. that’s anywhere between £6 and £10 for the yarn and that’s optimistic#i’m currently making myself a pair with hand-dyed yarn that cost me £18 including delivery#the needles i use cost me more than £10. time… let’s call it 24 hours per sock#i don’t know anyone with 18 years experience who makes minimum wage so let’s call it an even 600 for my time. tbh#DO YOU SEE how this isn’t a viable side hussle??? i physically cannot charge what my socks are worth#if i like you and you’re willing to wait; socks are free or cost whatever the yarn costs#if i don’t like or know you venmo me £620. and you’re still going to have to wait.#just pisses me OFF when people suggest i make an etsy page and they say it like they’re doing me a favour or giving me great financial#advice. like you’ve seen me sitting here all evening and i’m barely done with the cuff.. do you actually think selling these for £20 maximum#is going to help me out. i’m not selling them. they’re FOR me. i’m making them because i want them#also when my friend’s family was saying this to me and i was like ‘well the yarn cost a fiver’ and they got quiet and i was thinking yeah…#a fiver is the maximum you cheapskates would pay isn’t it. a fiver is cheap sock yarn bought on sale. or yarn that probably isn’t actually#good for socks. like don’t presume to give me financial advice when you’re this out of touch with the market please#next person who asks when i’m going to start selling socks is getting this whole rant in entirety tbh i don’t care anymore#personal#edited to add that i didn’t even get into etsy fees or whether i would even be noticed among the mountain of dropshippers LOL
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yeah
#i think in 2025 its time to seriously consider exit plan forever#all the reading ive done on ending things indicates most people do end up better by just drastically changing their circumstances though#so its never too late to just burn it all down sell everything you own and run away to become new again#thats always an option#but you cant escape the weight of memory#it hurts to know you get one shot at a secure point in your life when you are cared for unconditionally and its childhood and#if thats not how ur childhood went then theres never another point when you can be truly safe and secure again#whatever#im so scared of death because im a coward but as each year drags on its like oh wow this cannot be all this cannot be it#and it isnt#its something wrong with me probably#or definitely#i should sell everything i own change everything about myself and abandon everything for the road again#everything tends towards chaos but why is it always so sad and the concept of justice is just not real#evil gets more evil and gets rewarded and theres never any consequences ever its very. what do u do
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i miss kaneki
#jack.speaks#my art#forcing myself to do at least 1 little drawing a day to get used to this and see how i feel about stuff#csp is SO much fucking better than krita tho holy shit#way more intuative and easy to use and the ui is actually useful#i probably will end up shelling out the money for a full liscence#still dont know how i wanna structure this as a buisness and exactly what i wanna make and how i wanna sell it but#those are later me's problems#this week me just has to get used to making shit on the daily again#might start some gesture sketches tomorrow those always make such a huge difference as warm ups#bugs tw#also if any uses csp and has brush recommendations pls send them my way!!#i dont know what i like yet so im just taking recs so i can try out as many different things as possible
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life (or, end of year assessment marking) update:
84 papers marked
64 more due on Friday (like… halfway done? kinda?)
64 more due on Monday (… not started)
have gone through two red pens
I need a holiday pls and not the kind where I’m moving house/unwell
I also need to invent a way of never marking again. stay tuned
#teaching#text post#my post#I know I complain about marking a lot and like clockwork#but it TRULY is the worst part of my job#and probably the only bit of it that I actively despise#and it ALWAYS seems to turn up in these droves#which I guess is expected that’s how our exam timetable works#but ughhhh#especially when I had limited extra time/my extra time got eaten up by other commitments#which is partially my own fault but partially NOT ok. but it’s annoying#it will all be done by Tuesday#is what I keep telling myself#and then. no more marking until September#is there anyone who enjoys marking tbh and do they sell their services#I might even pay at this point
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woag. vibeo game?
(very rough still)
(but now theres more colours)
#game dev#my art#murderhouse makeover#fuck it whatever im probably never gonna do the legal shit for this#slim chance i even make it to uploading on itch lmao#turns out game dev takes a REALLY long time when you dont know what you're doing#also i should not have waited this long to make the actual win state. how the hell am i gonna quantify decorating a house#since filming this video ive made the main menu buttons nicer and fixed the storage system#one of these days i'll actually put effort into the video#but also. i dunno#ive been telling myself id have enough to do a demo for the last two years now. im so tired and i keep not finishing shit#between making this and my full time job and also making regular ass drawings to put on this blog i kinda wanna throw the towel in#stop reading here if you dont wanna see my sad ass thought process#im not the kinda guy that gets Big Successes. like even if i finish and polish this fully it'll sell MAYBE a hundred copies#its kinda hard to keep going on this with that weighing on me yknow. like ive wasted months of work on this#this has been my free time for the past two years#i dont know#I DONT KNOW
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I need someone else to decide commission prices for me because I feel straight up allergic to the idea of assigning a monetary value to my work when I can't even guarantee what style I draw in
#screaming actually#i took a commission recently and they paid me by helping me get a mount in a game we both play and it was chill#bc the commission was just a meme I told him id do it for free so the mount was really a bonus#but in cold reality I am just so fucking afraid to sell myself and hear “that's way too much for this”#and I will most definitely be hearing it echoing in my head even if it isn't spoken. need to die#anyways he liked the commission and it was a gift for his friends as well and THEY liked it and they wanted to commission me too#and im flattered by that and happy#but he didnt pay money#and drawing an actual picture can't be like. paid with. video game playing.#what if i say 'these are the prices I think are respectable for what I do' and actually price myself the way a self-respecting artist Shoul#and get 'oh I didnt know it would cost that much'#shall I just kill myself in advance?#but underselling ALSO goes just against my morals as someone who would commission someone else.#what is the value of my time and effort. what is it. how do you figure this shit out
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guys im so serious we have to make the communist worldwide revolution happen SOON because some of us are not making it out alive in a world where water and electricity are privately owned commodities that most people can't afford. This world is evil
#accidentally posted this to headworldofficial at first. anyway. suddenly got so fucking angry at everything its so fucking awful#mao was so right about killing all landowners sorry . like im really sorry but i feel that way.#like i will personally kill the executives and owners of every company that sells food water electricity#any necessity that humans need to stay alive like i'll do it personally im at my fucking limit#how is it so hard to . you know what im not gonna say anything more its all been said before#how can anyone look at a capitalist society like ours and think Yup! Thats the way its supposed to be!#i need god to send a flood again or something because at this poiint. i'll do it myself
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If I had to choose between cutting off my hand and redoing grad school apps, I'd seriously consider the hand. Be gentle with yourself, it's a fucking slog. What kind of program are you looking into?
Thank you for the reminder to be gentle. This shit has been stressful, and having for various reasons only about a month and a half to actually do focused work on applying has SUCKED. Not looking forward to potentially having to do this again in the future (it's complicated but I'll explain why in a sec), but I am SO looking forward to two weeks from now when these applications are in and it's out of my hands, as much as the waiting game itself sucks in its own way.
As for programs, I don't want to get too specific. I was a double major in undergrad, and I'm not exaggerating when I say I've literally never met anyone else with those two specific majors. (Ftr one is a STEM field and the other in the humanities.) I want to keep studying both in some capacity in the future, but to make a long story short I'm stuck in a position where I have to hold off on applying to the program in the humanities for now.
As annoyed as I am about the 'long story' part of that, I'm totally fine with prioritizing the program in STEM for now. Hell, in some ways that's a good thing given the limited amount of time I have to work on applications. But at the same time, I've greatly limited the number of schools I'm applying to so I can focus on creating well-tailored applications for their specific programs and faculty, and that means each potential rejection would leave me with a far smaller share of options. It's a bit of a risk, but damn it I'm trying my best to show how strong of a student I've been and that I would work well with their specific people. Hopefully things work out in the end.
I hope your own efforts have paid off too, wherever life has taken you.
#it's hitting me now too how badly my undergrad school prepared me for this process#besides a couple of conversations with professors about grad school and jokes about selling your soul to unethical corporations-#- we didn't get told SHIT#i've said it before and i'll say it again but do not go to a rich kid school if you are not a rich kid (this is coming from a non-rich kid)#or at the very least be prepared for people to assume you know the ins and outs of networking and stuff you've never been taught about#i'm not joking when i say the school i went to brags about how many students get job placements soon after graduation#but has next to no actual resources to help students continue their education (esp for minority students) (like myself)#it's so frustrating seeing peers of mine get cushy jobs based on who they know when i'm out here busting my ass bc idk the right people#and god forbid you want to learn more but don't have similar connections in academia! it sucks!#i know my applications' success heavily relies upon letters i'm not allowed to read written for me by professors who can vouch for me#because their names might mean something to someone who might otherwise disregard me despite how ridiculously experienced i am#knowing you're good enough but might get rejected for something that goes beyond you has to be one of the worst feelings#i already have the sneaking suspicion that i won't get accepted to one of my top three schools based on that#and i haven't even submitted my app for them yet#there's so much i hate about higher ed but dammit i still want to learn. that might be the worst part of it all.#i want to keep learning but at the end of the day it's not about what i want. it's what an institution wants FOR me.#but that will not stop me from trying or from fighting for what i want. at least i have that.#anyway sorry for the long-ass ramble and for the delay but hopefully that answers your question sufficiently enough#and hopefully what i've said is useful to someone somewhere who might be in a weird spot like this#ask#answered#anon
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