#do her actions come from a place of personal trauma and love for the one person who makes her feel still human? yes.

[eclipsecrowned]

anyway i, personally, cannot wait to see how garbage makarov is in this timeline so i can gauge just how irredeemable and anti-karmic julia is for aiding and abetting him.

a sin done for love is still a sin, after all.

[loriache]

Kabru, impossible mutual understanding & unknowable objects

Despite his concerted and constant efforts to understand other people, it’s established in a few extras that Kabru believes that true mutual understanding between certain different races is impossible. Specifically, between long-lived and short-lived races, and between humans and demi-humans. Partially, we can trace this conviction back to specific hang-ups caused by his life; the trauma of the Utaya disaster, prejudices he carries from his childhood, and his experience of racism among the elves. In this “little” essay, I’m gonna discuss how I think those experiences formed this belief, how it comes out in his actions, and how some of his actions seem to contradict it. The question of whether it’s possible to reach mutual understanding with other living beings despite our differences is one of the core themes of the manga, and I’ll also touch on how this aspect of Kabru’s character links to that.

Seeking understanding

Kabru is a character who devotes a huge amount of time and effort to understanding people, and he is very good at it. In his internal monologue, we can tell how advanced and complex his skills of analysis are. He is able to read a huge amount of information just from looking at people's faces and body language.

People are, to him, what monsters are to Laios. This is something that's been expanded on at length in other, excellent meta. It's the fact that they're foils; it's the fact that Kabru is also very easy to read as autistic, with a special interest which is the opposite and parallel of Laios'. It's something that came out of trauma and alienation, as Laios' special interest in monsters also began as a coping mechanism.

The complicated origin of this "love" for monsters and for people comes through, I think, in the fact that one of the places we see both characters use their fixation is in being very, very good at killing the thing that they love. This also ties into the idea that loving something isn't even remotely mutually exclusive with using it to sustain your own survival; using it for your own purposes; hurting it or killing it. Love can be, and often is, violent, possessive and consumptive. This understanding is part of what makes Kui's depiction of interpersonal relationships so compelling to me.

While Laios fixated on monsters and animals to seek a place of escape, in both his imagination and his self-image, from the humans who he couldn't understand and who couldn't understand him, Kabru seems to have fixated on understanding people in order to navigate the complex, socially marginal places that he has been forced into throughout his life. As an illegitimate child raised by a single mother with an appearance that marked him out as different to the point his father's family wanted to kill him, and a tallman child raised among elves who didn't treat him as fully human and wanted him to perform gratefulness for that treatment – treatment that, after he met Rin at age 9, he certainly always understood could be a lot worse – his ability to work out what people wanted from him, whether they were friendly or hostile or had ulterior motives, wasn’t just an interest. It will have been an essential skill.  

Milsiril, I think, was a flawed parent who tried to do her best by Kabru and did a lot of harm to him despite her best intentions. She may have treated him much better than an average elf would have, but like Otta and Marcille's mother, there are other elves with different outlooks on short-lived races. How would they judge her treatment of him? We don’t have any insight on what it could be, but to be honest, the person’s whose opinion of her I’d be most interested in knowing is Rin’s.

But even if she'd been perfect, living as an trans-racial adoptee in a deeply hierarchical nation with a queen who is a 'staunch traditionalist' who wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of a half-elf like Marcille (according to Cithis) is an experience that would deeply impact anyone.

Elves & Impossible mutual understanding

While Kabru was living with Milsiril - in other words, while living in the Northern Central Continent - he came to believe that "there was no way to achieve mutual understanding with the long-lived races."

This is evident in his political project: he wants short-lived races to have ownership over the dungeon's secrets. Despite his dislike of the Lord of the Island, he's a useful bulwark to stop the elves taking over. Despite his doubts about Laios, Laios needs to be the one to defeat the dungeon, because if he doesn't the elves will take over.

Kabru still carries a deep scar from Utaya, one that was exacerbated by the fact that he never got an answer to any of his questions about what happened or why. This, despite the fact that Milsiril knows about the demon and how it works. Do you think Kabru, with his social perceptiveness that borders on the superhuman, wasn't aware that she knew more than she would tell him?

Given that, the fact that he gets to a place where he "doesn't have any particularly negative feelings about [elves/long-lived species]" .... well, to put it bluntly, I believe that he thinks that's the case, but I kind of doubt it. After all, if he did have resentment, of Milsiril (someone who was his primary provider and caretaker since age six, and who despite her flaws, loves him and who I do think he loves) or of elves (who he has had to play nice with for most of his life, in order to survive, and will still have to play nice with in order to achieve his goals, since they hold all the power) what would that do except hurt him and make his life harder? Kabru is Mr. Pragmatic, so I don't think he'd let himself acknowledge any such feelings he did have. Exactly because he can't acknowledge them, they're well placed to get internalised as beliefs about the Fundamental Unchangeable Nature of the World.

However, these stated beliefs seem to contradict his actions. Despite his belief in the impossibility of forming a mutual understanding, he certainly seems to try to understand long-lived people, just as much as he does short-lived people. There's no noticeable difference between his treatment of Daya & Holm versus Mickbell & Rin that isn't clearly down to their relationship with him. His skills of human analysis were honed and developed while living amongst elves, and as soon as he's alone with Mithrun he immediately sets to understanding him - his interests, his motivations, his needs, and his past.

He treats him considerately and without bias, and despite the fact that Mithrun conquering the dungeon for the elves is both a reenactment of a core part of his childhood trauma and a political disaster for his aims, that doesn't seem to colour his perspective on Mithrun negatively at all.

This is something I find extremely laudable about Kabru, and it's another way he parallels Laios. He seems to understand that people, as a rule, (in Laios' case, he understands this about monsters - and eventually, all living beings) will act in their own interests, and if those interests conflict with yours, might harm you. But that's just their nature, and it's not something that should be held against them; you're also doing the same thing, after all. The crux of Laios' arc is precisely that he has to accept the responsibility of hurting someone else in order to achieve what he wants.

Kabru is deeply concerned with his own morals, what he should and shouldn't do, but mostly in the context of responsibility for the consequences - a responsibility he takes onto himself. He isn't scrupulous about what he needs to do in order to create the outcome he wants, but if he fails to create that outcome, then....

He blames himself to the point of thinking he should die. He doesn't blame Laios, or seem at all angry with him, despite concluding he should have killed him to prevent this outcome. That's because in his eyes, ultimately Laios was going to act according to his own nature, and it's Kabru's fault for not understanding that nature well enough. He's extremely confident in his ability to understand and predict others, (including elves and other long-lived people). Then, where does his conviction that mutual understanding is impossible come from?

Partially, it's the "mutual" part. I'm sure Kabru, who isn't able or willing to deny Otta's insinuation that Milsiril saw him more like a pet than a son, has felt that his full interiority, the depth of his feelings and his ability to grow, act, and think as a fully equal being, was something that the elves around him just couldn't grasp. Because that was their excuse for it, he came to understand this as a gulf between short-lived and long-lived beings, an inevitable difference in outlook caused by their different lifespans.

This experience might be part of what leads to his iconic “fake” behaviour. He trusts his ability to understand others, but if they aren’t able to understand him, then there isn’t any benefit to being honest about his feelings and thoughts. If his attempts to reach mutual understanding with his caretakers were never able to be fulfilled, then it isn’t any wonder that he reacts with such surprise and horror at blurting out his desire to be Laios’ friend.

In his experience, making yourself vulnerable in that way only leads to being hurt. Soothing him, hushing him, lying to him, talking to him like a child that isn’t able to use proper judgement – that’s an inadequate and deeply hurtful way to respond to genuine distress, the desire for autonomy, or disagreement. Ultimately, I think that’s why he comes out on the side of being grateful to Milsiril; because she did equip him with the skills and knowledge he’d need to reach his goal, and let him go.

Though he could understand them, they couldn't understand him. To the extent that was true - which I'm sure it was - it wasn't due to anything about lifespan. It was due to the elves’ racism, and the solipsitic mindset & prejudiced attitude that it caused them to approach him with.

Because, if it needs to be said, the idea that there is an unbreachable gap in understanding between the long-lived and short-lived species is not true. Marcille and Laios have a much greater difference in lifespan than any full elf from any short-lived person, and they’re able to understand each other – maybe not perfectly, but better than many other people who are closer in life-span to them.

That doesn’t mean that I think Kabru is wrong about this, however. Because there’s an interpretation of his statement that is reflected in his actions and is true. When he talks about his problem with elves, it’s not just their attitudes: it’s their power, and what they use it to do. They “explain nothing and take everything”. Though it’s presented in the guise of ‘guiding and protecting’, in fact it’s a simple case of a powerful nation using their military power, wealth, access to resources, and historically stolen land – including the island itself – to protect their own interests and advance their own agenda. That’s why they’d be able to show up, seize the dungeon, and forcibly take Kabru’s party and Laios’ party to the West. If Kabru wants to stop that from happening, or change that status quo, persuasion or a bid to be understood would be completely pointless. Between the political blocs formed by long-lived species and the interests of short-lived species, “mutual understanding”, given their current, unequal terms, would be impossible. This is something that we see reflected in Kabru’s actions; before he asks his questions about the dungeon, he grabs Mithrun as leverage. He never really attempts to persuade the canaries to see his point of view, because that would be pointless: they’re agents of the Northern Central Continent’s monarchy, and will act in its interests regardless of any individual relationship with him.  

I don’t think Kabru sees the different dimensions of this belief of his in quite such clear terms, however, as is evidenced by the other group who he thinks it’s impossible to communicate with.

Demi-Humans & Unknowable Objects

The other place that we see his conviction about the impossibility of mutual understanding is in the kobold extra.

I'm including the whole thing, because I think it's an excellent and clever piece of world-building. Aside from what it says about Kabru, which I'll expand on shortly, what this extra does is deconstruct and call into question the usual "fantasy ontological biology" present in these sort of DnD-like settings. Essentially, the kind of worldbuilding where a race (such as kobolds) can be described as war-like, and that's establishing something essential about their biological nature. That's common to the point that if Kui didn't include this, some people would probably come away thinking that's the case about, e.g., the orcs.

But here, despite what Kabru is saying, the information the reader actually gets is:

the conflict between short-lived humans and demi-humans such as kobolds is mostly over access to material resources that they need to survive.

These resources are scarce because powerful nations, such as the elves, have monopolised them.

Kabru, who has grown up in a place at the centre of these conflicts, ascribes essential, negative traits to a cultural group which was in direct conflict with his own. Communication with this other group is impossible; they aren't people, they're more like objects.

oh yes! just like this conflict between groups of tall-men, a conflict which the reader will immediately interpret as more clearly analogous to real-life racism. Our other protagonists also carry prejudices from growing up in a place where a marginalised group was in conflict with the dominant group over scarce resources. It's definitely impossible to communicate with these people, and you can only kill them.

Woah, when you say it like that, it sounds pretty bad!

But also, nobody walks away having had a realisation or unlearned their prejudices - because they don't have the tools they need to do that work. Yet. I do think, to an extent, it could happen - especially with Kabru, since it's suggested in the epilogue that Melini might become a safe-haven for demi-humans.

To focus in on Kabru, the key here is his statement that you should think of demi-humans as "unknowable objects". Even his extraordinary powers of understanding have seemingly hit a limit. Part of this is just inherited prejudice, and doesn't need to have a complicated psychological explanation, any more than the elves who were prejudiced against him need one.

But also... this is probably somewhat linked to the way demi-humans seem to be considered "pseudo-monsters". They're the place that the strict delineation between the human and the monstrous is permeated. Laios, who is not interested in humans, remembers and is excited by Kuro. Chilchuck and Laios argue over whether it's OK to eat a mermaid. Kabru's prepared to (pretend to) roll with the idea that Laios ate the orcs.

But these are people, aren't they? Of course, this is a social construction, as we see from the fact that in the Eastern Archipelago, the label of "human" is reserved for tallmen, but in most of the rest of the world it depends on some obviously arbirary classification based on number of bones; "demi-humans" aren't in any essential way monstrous, except to an extent in their appearance, and physical location - due to their marginal social status, they're pushed out to live in unsafe places such as dungeons.

Therefore, Kabru's view of demi-humans as fundamentally "other", unable to be understood - monstrous - could be read as akin to abjection, the psychoanalytical concept described by Julia Kristeva. In order to create a bounded, secure superego, that thing which permeates and calls into question the border between self and other, human and animal, life and death, is rejected and pushed to the margin.

“Not me. Not that. But not nothing, either. A "something" that I do not recognize as a thing.[...] On the edge of nonexistence and hallucination, of a reality that, if I acknowledge it, annihilates me. There, abject and abjection are my safeguards. The primers of my culture.” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 11) “It is thus not lack of cleanliness or health that causes abjection but what disturbs identity, system, order. ” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 13) “The pure will be that which conforms to an established taxonomy; the impure, that which unsettles it, establishes intermixture and disorder. [...] the impure will be those that do not confine themselves to one element but point to admixture and confusion.” (Kristeva et al., 1984, p. 107) (discussing food prohibitions in Leviticus)

This is both (due to its affinity with food-loathing and disgust) a very fruitful concept to apply to dunmeshi, and a psychoanalytical theory which I wouldn't exactly cosign as True Facts About Human Psychological Development. You may also know the abject from its utilisation in the classic essay "Horror and the Monstrous-Feminine" by Barbara Creed - that's a lot more approachable than Kristeva if anyone's interested.

Key here, though, is that through the symbol of the "demi-human" is embodied a step between "human" and "monster" - and that's a prospect that puts at risk the whole notion of an absolute separation between those two categories in the first place. To Laios, that's something wonderful, and to Kabru, it's terrifying. We can see this principle further embodied in the relationship both characters have with the notion of becoming monstrous.

To Laios, this is transcendent, and represents a renunciation of everything human - in fact, if it didn't, it wouldn't "count".

To Kabru, it's a deeply-held fear, established by his childhood alienation (due to his illegitimacy, his eyes, and perhaps also his neurodivergency), deepened by monster-related trauma and the sense of responsibility and survivors guilt he feels for what happened at Utaya. His identity as a human who is not monstrous is key to his sense of stability and safety; he doesn't want to touch monsters, he doesn't even want to see them.

To acknowledge a kinship, a possibility of similarity between the things he loves (humans) and the things he hates (monsters) would be more than touching them - it would be putting them inside him. We know, quite explicitly, that this notion is triggering to Kabru. He literally has what seems to be a flashback when he's about to eat the harpy omelette.

So he abjects it, classifying the demi-human as fundamentally unlike him - an unknowable object, or an object that he refuses to know. Because in understanding it, he would interject the things he hates and fears into his self, which is already, always under threat by that hated and feared object.

Of course, again, Kabru isn't very good at enacting this refusal in practice. For one, when he chooses between his desires and ingesting the feared object, eating monsters... he eats monsters. Part of this is treating himself badly, the "ends justify the means" mentality. His goal is to destroy all monsters, so if he needs to become monster-like to do that, he will. But part of it is also the other motivation that he didn't even seem to know about until he said it: he wants to become Laios' friend, and to learn from him how a person can like monsters. He wants, at least in some part of him, to reconcile the feared and hated object into something he can understand.

For another:

Kabru can speak the kobold language. In the first place, while this may have been common in Utaya, it also could have been something he chose to learn, an early expression of his interest in understanding and talking to all sorts of people. It isn't the kind of thing you learn if you believe that communication between yourself and the group that speak it is impossible, is it?

It's possible to harbour prejudices against a group while being kind to an individual, and given Kabru has those prejudices regardless of his reasons, that is what he is doing. But also, his treatment of Kuro doesn't reflect a sincerely held belief that he's an "unknowable object" at all. His approach is exactly the same as it is to any other person: an analysis of goal and motive, and an attempt to help if he's sympathetic and their goals align - going out of his way to give language and local knowledge lessons in secret. His conviction that Mickbell and Kuro will truly become friends when they can properly communicate is completely contradictory to any sense of demi-humans as fundamentally different, or impossible to reach mutual understanding with. To me, it seems like this self-protective shield against the corruptive force demi-humans as an idea present to his identity, this abjection, when Kabru is face-to-face with one, just simply can't hold up against his finely honed skill of intellectual empathy. Perhaps because he's autistic, it seems his "empathy" is less an emotional mirror response, and more a set of cognitive skills for analysis of others. That instinctual, emotional empathy might not trigger when presented with a member of an out-group, but if it’s possible for Kabru to turn his cognitive empathy off, we don’t see him do it.

This isn't to say that this prejudice doesn't affect his behaviour. For one, it could negatively impact his judgement of politics and policy, where individual people don't enter into it. For another, I'm not convinced he'd be willing to overlook Mickbell's exploitative relationship with Kuro if Kuro wasn't a kobold. As it is, since both of them are satisfied, he doesn't feel like he needs to intervene, regardless of the fact Mickbell isn't paying Kuro. But if Daya and Holm were in a relationship, and Holm took both Daya's and his own share from their ventures, but only compensated her in living expenses and kept the rest, do you think he'd tolerate it, for example? Even if she said it was OK?

Conclusion

The kelpie chapter establishes that "people can never know what monsters are really thinking." That isn't just true of monsters, though.

True mutual understanding is impossible - between anyone. We can never truly understand another person's heart. This is touched on in, for example, the existence of shapeshifters and dopplegangers. Even a monster that seemed like a perfect copy of a person wouldn’t be that person, and wouldn’t be a satisfactory replacement.

We’re intended, I think, to understand the winged lion's repeated suggestions to just replace people who have been lost with copies as something uncanny, which demonstrates the way that the winged lion never manages to attain a complete understanding of humans. A version of a person who was created to fulfil your memories of them, to be the person who you wanted them to be, would be a terrible, miserable thing.

Disagreeing, coming into conflict, and misunderstanding each other, are essential parts of what it means to be living beings, as fundamental as the need to eat.

The only thing to do is not to take more than you need to eat to survive, and not impose your own desires onto others. To do your best to sincerely communicate your desires, even if they're embarrassing or vulnerable or strange, like Kabru eventually does with Laios; like Laios does, bit by bit, with the people around him; like Marcille does, Chilchuck does, Senshi does... to hope they will accept you, and do your best to understand them in return.

We can re-examine, in that context, Kabru's line about the elves' tendency to "explain nothing and take everything".

They have the power to impose their preferred "menu" onto less powerful groups. And in that context, mutual understanding being impossible just means that they won't give up their power because they're asked nicely. Kabru's goal is to seize the truth that they won't give to him, and to create a situation where they can't take everything. Because he's accurately surmised that nothing about the treatment of short-lived races will change so long as the power imbalance remains. Despite the way he mistakenly ascribes part of that to "long-lived vs short-lived" or "human vs demi-human", the actual gulfs in understanding he identifies are structural, are about power and about access to material resources and safety.

I think he could come to recognise this. Yaad is teaching him political science after all, and while a prince's lessons on political science won't exactly get at much that's radical or invested in the interests and perspectives of the marginalised (Capital is a critique of for a reason after all...) I believe in Kabru's ability to learn critically and get more from a lesson than it was intended to teach.

[aerynwrites]

Cherished

Alpha!Halsin x Omega!afab!Reader

A/N: Had this horny thought in my brain. Wrote it. Here you go. Lol. First time writing for this universe (A/B/O) so i apologize if anything is off - I didn’t lean into it as heavily as I probably could have but I still think you all will enjoy! <3

Word Count: 7.5k

Warnings: NSFW 18+ ONLY. Smut, PiV Sex, vaginal fingering, making out, semi-rough sex, marking, creampie, unprotected sex, cock warming, implied past abuse (not detailed), reader has trauma, but Halsin is there to help. Love confessions, after care, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort.

The medicinal smell sets a knot of panic bundling in your chest as soon as you open your pack. 

With little grace, the contents are spilled onto the floor of your tent as you upend your bag hastily, shaking the fabric until every last item is before you, and the delicate tinkle of glass fills your ears. 

No, no, no! 

Your mind screams in panic and utter despair as you spot the broken vials peeking out from the green cloth they’re wrapped in, the fabric tinged a darker shade as the solution soaks it. 

You quickly unwrap the precious items, fear ballooning in your throat as tears well up behind your eyes.

It’s gone. All of it. You’re entire supply of suppressing elixirs, soaking into the fabric that was supposed to protect them, rendering the solutions useless. 

Fuck.  

You should have been more careful. But then again, how were you supposed to know a simple tumble on the road would be enough to damage the goods in your pack? They’ve been through far worse with them on your person and it’s been fine.  

Until now. 

A sob breaks out of your chest as you stare at the shattered glass, and you search desperately through the carnage for just one unscathed vial, uncaring of the nicks the sharp shards leave on your finger tips. 

You can make one vial stretch until you reach baldur's gate. It would be hard, it might not work but it would be something.  

You won’t make it to the city on nothing. Not undetected. And you refused to let anyone find out the truth.

With palms pressed against your eyes in an effort to push away the tears you try to take deep steadying breaths. Between those and the blood roaring in your ears, you don’t hear someone approaching your tent until a fanilair shock of black hair pops through the entrance flap. 

“There you are, we need help setting up-“ 

Shadowheart’s words die on her tongue just as her eyes fall onto you then the mess on the floor, her nose twitching almost imperceptibly. 

It seems like slow motion as her eyes widen slightly, and she steps fully into the tent, closing the flap behind her before coming to crouch before you. 

You hurriedly try to wrap the broken evidence and shove it in your bag despite knowing the action is futile. 

Shadowheart reaches out, grabbing your arm gently. “What are you doing with suppressant elixirs?” She asks, voice lacking the accusing quality you expect.

Avoiding her eyes you shrink into yourself, readying yourself for the inevitable. “Why do you think?” You whisper, clutching the balled up cloth to your chest. 

Shadowheart is silent as she thinks, and panic surges forward full force as you reach out to take her hand in yours in a vice grip. 

“Please, you can’t tell anyone,” you beg, shocking the former sharr worshiper. 

She shakes her head, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Was that all you had left? Do you have any more?” 

You swallow thickly and shake your head no. “That was it. I don’t…I won’t make it to the city without it. And I… no one can know. I’ll…I can leave and travel ahead or try and find a secluded place to wait it out before meeting you all outside the city.” 

The words fall from your lips before you really think about them but…it could work. You know the side effects of stopping suppressants, and despite wanting to keep this part of yourself hidden, you couldn’t risk being around this many alphas when the medicine left your system. No way. 

Sequestering yourself is the best way. 

Shadowheart looks at you, shock evident on her features. 

“Are you mad? Do you know what happens when you quit usuing supressants? The effects are brutal when weaned off of them the correct way. Stopping like that-“ she snaps her fingers. “No. It’s going to be excruciating.” 

You can’t help but bristle at her tone, that all to familiar alpha authority slipping through. The exact thing you knew would happen if they found out what you are. 

An omega.  

You pull away from the woman, frowning as you start to shove items into your pack once more.

“I don’t need you telling me what to do. I’m the one who has dealt with this my whole life, not you.”  

The woman reels back at the venom on your words, eyes softening. “I wasn’t trying to tell you what to do, I just…I’ve seen it before. You won’t last, you need-“ she bites her tongue, as if afraid her next words will scare you, but continues after a beat of silence. “You’ll need someone to help you through this. You have to know that.” 

“No, no!” You stand up abruptly, hands clenching at your sides. “I’ll be fine. I don’t need some - some alpha, to come and use me before casting me aside,” you spit, turning back to your pack again, desperate to busy yourself so you don’t lose yourself to panic. 

Shadowheart doesn’t let up, concern evident in her voice. “What about Halsin, you two seem cozy enough and I know he’d probably be more than eager to help-“ 

You straighten up at this, turning to face her once more pack clutch tightly in your hands. “No! Shadowheart, please!”  

Halsin… 

She’s right. You two have been closer that usual, this journey to the city doing nothing but bringing you closer than you already were. You’ve both flirted and touched and danced around your feelings for weeks now but this… 

No. The thought of him finding out, and it changing the way he looks at you. Changing his feelings or making him see you as this… thing - to be used and then tossed aside…

No, you can’t bear the thought. 

With fists clenched tight, you stand your ground, trying to assert the title of defacto leader you’ve taken on. 

“Just stay here. I’ll be…I’ll be fine, I promise,” you pause, thinking. “There’s an abandoned house we passed earlier today in our travels. It was back before the waterfall. I’ll be there. If you get to the city and more time has passed than normal then…you know where to find me.” 

The woman’s lips settle into a thin line, arms crossing across her chest. “You’re denser than I thought if you think we’re traveling on without you. Tadpoles be damned,” she reaches out and takes your hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “I’ll make up some excuse for us to make camp here for a while. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll come find you myself.” 

Relief floods through your veins, and before you can think better of it, you step forward and wrap her in a tight hug. 

“Thank you. Truly I…I don’t deserve your kindness, not after keeping this from you.” 

Shadowheart shakes her head as you pull away, her hands resting lightly on your arms. “I understand a thing or two about not being forthcoming about certain aspects of your past, but…” she trails off, eyes flirting away before coming back to yours. “I do not think those around us will treat you the way you expect. I wish you would give them a chance. Give him a chance.” 

You sigh. “A chance to what? Take advantage?” 

The woman smiles sadly. 

“A chance to show you that they aren’t as terrible as you assume they will be.” 

———

Shadowheart has helped you pack the rest of supplies you’d need. Food enough to last a week, some fresh water, although the old house looked to be by a stream so if you run out you can get more. 

She was still reluctant to let you leave, but after one last assurance she eventually did. 

Which leads you to where you are now, exhausted and weary as you try to set up a makeship living situation in the abandoned house. It was early evening when you left camp, having seen the structure earlier in the day of traveling.

It took you hours to back track and the sun has long set, your only light being from the few candles you have lit and the moon streaming in through the crumbling roof in the corner of the dilapidated home. 

But you are making quick work of the space, having moved any broken furniture to the back corner of the room and pulling any spare blankets beneath your bedroll in an effort to make a more comfortable bed. 

You can do this. Hopefully the effects will be minimal and pass in a few days. Shadowheart said she would work on trying to get more suppressants for you, and then you could return like nothing ever happened. 

Right?  

You scoff slightly, trying to shove away the reality that settles in your mind. This is going to suck. And when you do make it through, the likelihood of having suppressants available is slim. 

The truth will come out one way or another. A thought you choose not to wrestle with tonight in favor of crawling into your bedroll. 

Consequences can wait. Right now you just want to sleep, to hide from the torment that is to come. 

———

Pain . 

It’s the first thing that registers in your sleep-addled mind, ripping away the last tendrils of slumber as a crushing ache pulses in your stomach. It radiates outwards, making your very bones groan in protest as you curl in on yourself, the discomfort nearly blinding as you try to orient yourself.  

The next thing you notice is the heat, like fire licking at your skin as you shove yourself out of the bedroll, moving to settle on top of it instead. The air, despite it being barely dawn, offers no cool reprieve against your sweat slick skin. Your clothes stick to you, plastered to your body as if you’d just jumped into the nearby river. 

Another cramp seizes you, but this time another feeling accompanies it. A feeling that has become a stranger to you since taking the suppressants. 

Need.  

Bone deep, soul crushing, need floods through you, your core throbbing with it and calling out to the one thing that’s not here. 

No. You don’t need him.  

You don’t need an alpha to help you, you refuse to need him. You’ve done this your whole life by yourself. You can do it now. 

But can you? That little voice in your head asks, that voice behind your baser instincts, the one you’ve kept hidden for so long. 

It’s been years since your last heat. The suppressants effectively wiping away anything and everything that made you an omega. And now…it’s as if all of the things you’ve held at bay have come crashing down. Showing you what you are, as if saying ‘ here I am. You can’t run from me.’ 

You shake your head. Mouth dry, tongue thick as your mouth parts on a broken sob. 

Gods, help me.  

———— 

Time passes in flirting bouts of consciousness. Night gives way to dawn before you succumb to unconsciousness - only to wake again worse than before, but this time with sunlight streaming through the broken windows. 

The fever never abates, and you manage to reach the meager few feet to wretch your water skin from your pack, downing the contents entirely in one go. But it does nothing to ease the ache or the heat beneath your skin. 

So you give in. Naively hoping your own touch will help the need subside, will satiate something within you. 

It take more effort than you expect to peel your pants from your legs, every touch to your feverish skin making arousal shoot through you, adding to the slick already coating your thighs. The fabric pulls way wetly from your damp skin until you finally toss them to the side, in favor of sliding desperate fingers beneath the waistband of your underwear. 

As finger slide through your wetness, the relief is there. But barely. No matter what you do, no matter how many fingers you use it barely touches the ache in your core. Like a quick summer rain on a forest fire…it offers no relief. 

But you keep trying, tears slipping down your cheeks as the first, the second, the third, orgasm rips through you, leaving you exhausted but no where near satiated. 

Sleep claims you then, when the sun is starting to set once more. 

You have no idea how much time has passed the next time you wake, the hours passing in a haze of lust and pain and tears. 

You come and go from consciousness, feeling as if your body is both shutting down and just starting up at the same time. 

Has it been hours? Minutes? Days? 

Time doesn’t seem to exist in this small house in the woods. Until finally some semblance of lucidity comes to you at the same time as an all too familiar scent floats in on the breeze though the windows. 

Halsin - no, you shake your head. 

Alpha. 

Fear shoots through you at the same time the primal instincts do. The baser part of you craves him - urges you to go to him. But the fear is stronger. The fear of the past - of those who used you. 

The fear wins out. 

You all but leap from your bedroll, your knees buckling beneath you as you do, your heat having taken most of your strength. 

You struggle agaisnt it as you stand, hearing a faint call of your name just as you manage to grasp the edge of a nearby table and push in in front of the door. 

He calls your name again, and you bite the inside of your cheek to keep the moan from falling from your lips. 

Go to him. He’s yours. He’ll help. Go to him. Go to him. GO- 

“No!” You shout, pressing yourself against the table, “Halisn go . Away ! Please…” 

The last word comes out on a sob, unable to contain everything roiling within you. Your need, your fear, your utter love for the man outside. It’s too much. 

You hear a gentle thud on the door, as if he’s pressed his forehead to the other side, his hand pressing to the wood. 

“I only wish to help. I promise, I did not come with any other intention.” 

His words are muffled by the door separating you, and you push yourself harder against the table at your back, the edge digging into your spine. 

“H-how did you find me?” You ask, fighting for every word agaisnt your foggy mind. 

It’s quiet for a moment until he finally speaks. “Shadowheart came to me this morning asking if I had any knowledge of healing herbs or elixirs for…for heat.” 

You let out a shaky breath. You want to be angry. Angry at your friend for betraying you. Angry at the situation. Angry at yourself for getting you here. 

But you’re just tired. You’re tired and exhausted and in pain and you don’t know what to do. 

“ Please,” Halsin begs, a sound you’ve never heard fall from his lips before. “I only wish to ease your pain. To help in any way I can. I will not touch you if you do not wish. I swear it on the life the Oak Father granted me.” 

Clutching the edge of the table is the only thing keeping you upright, your nails digging into the wood. 

“I don’t..you can’t control it. They never can. I know…I know what will happen.” 

The words are quiet, so quiet you don’t know if he can hear you. But he does, and his voice is gentle and kind, and everything you've ever wanted to hear in a situation like this. 

“You are wrong,” he says plainly. “I do not pretend to know what you have suffered at the hands of other alphas, but I know they can be cruel. I just…I hope you know me well enough - trust me enough to know I will not be the same.” 

Fuck.. fuck! 

You don’t give him a verbal answer, instead you just barely manage to move the table away from the door in order to open it. You watch with bated breath as the man on the other side visibly flinches, no doubt being assaulted with the scents and smells of your untamed heat. 

You watch, fingers clutching the edge of the door as he stills, shoulders rising with a deep breath as that all too familiar golden sheen rolls over his body. You almost move to slam the door closed again, but stop short when the magic fades away and his eyes flutter open, showing you hazel instead of that druidic gold you’ve seen before. 

He gives you a small smile, and the motion eases you somewhat, that fear slowly creeping away. You move aside to let him in, and he enters slowly, taking in the room before his eyes fall to you as you close the door. 

He takes a step closer then, but slowly, giving you time to  move away or ward him off if you so wish. 

You don’t. You can’t.  

That need inside you is still there and it’s stronger with him this close. Begging you to pull him closer, to have him touch you, to have him make it all go away. The effort required to refuse these needs is worse than the pain you’ve been feeling since you left camp, and you want nothing more than to give in. 

So you stay still as he approaches you, holding one hand up to press gently against your forhead, eyes widening as he feels the heat coming off you in waves. 

Gods… his touch is like a soothing balm against your skin, and you can’t stop the whimper that leaves your lips as you all but melt into him, gasping when he pulls away. 

“You’re burning with fever,” he says, concern lacing each syllable as he reaches for you again, this time not touching you but letting his magic free as his eyes fall closed. 

You wait with bated breath as the magic golden glow hovers in the air in front of you, lighting his palm as small yellow tendrils reach for you. 

It’s over in just a few moments, and the room is cast in the dim glow of the dusk once more as Halsin looks over you worriedly. 

“When was the last time you ate? Drank?” 

You shake your head, trying to remember, but the only memories that fill your mind are muddy and confused. 

“I don’t…I don’t know. When I left camp? I drank water not long ago..I think,” another cramp rocks you where you stand, and you would have crumpled to the ground if not for the two strong hands that catch you. “I don’t know, everything is hazy I can’t remember.” 

Halsin inhales sharply, brows furrowed as he shakes his head. “That was days ago,” he looks around, gently leading you to your bedroll when he spots it, urging you to lay down. “You must eat. I will fetch more water from the stream close by and then I will see what I can do to ease your pain.” 

With those simple instructions he’s gone as fast as he appeared. And the arousal is back as strong as ever. But you try, you try to do what he said. Managing to pull the rations from your pack and nibble at an apple and some dried meat. You almost finish by the time he’s back, a bucket filled with fresh water in his hands. 

He approaches you once more, movements still slow and cautious until he’s kneeling at your side, refilling your waterskin before offering it to you. 

You sit up moving to drain the contents like last time, but he stops you, tugging at the skin gently. 

“Slow. You will make yourself sick if you take it all in one go. Take your time,” he says, tone gentle. 

You try to listen, but between everything buzzing around inside you and the desperate thirst you just now notice, it’s a herculean task. But you do it, not only to avoid making your situation worse but because some part of you, that tiny voice in the back of your head…it wants to please him. 

You push the skin away, arms curling around yourself as another wave of pleasure rolls through you at the thought. You double over, laying on your side as your knees come to your chest, desperate for the discomfort to stop. 

“Halsin, please…” you beg, unashamed to finally admit you need help. “Do something, I can’t take it anymore.” 

You can hear his breath hitch and are assaulted by a faintly sweet smell. A calmness washing over you, offering the only brief respite you’ve had in days. 

He’s trying to calm you.  

You can’t find it in you to care. Relishing in the only relief you’ve had since you’ve left camp. But you know it won’t last, and that thought alone is enough to make tears spill over once more. 

Halsin shushes you quietly, voice soothing as he hovers a hand over your shoulder. “Don’t cry, my heart. I will do everything in my power to help you, I swear it.” 

You nod, trying in vain to wipe away the tears. 

“Please, hurry.” 

As soon as the words leave your lips, you see the faint glow of magic once more, feel it reaching out for you as Halsin slowly moves his hand down over your body then up once more. 

It takes him longer this time, and the relief you felt just moments earlier is already starting to fade away. You nearly cry out when Halsin withdraws from you, frustration costing his features as muttered curses fall from his lips. 

“Those suppressants are a poison,” he finally says, his words venomous. “An affront to nature as it was designed.” 

Shame fills you as he speaks, joining your already muddled emotions. “I’m sorry,” you manage to whisper, voice broken.

Hazel eyes snap to yours, lips set in a fine line as he shakes his head. “This is not your fault,” he assures you, voice firm. “Society has spread the lies that you, omegas, are something to be claimed and taken rather than cherished and treasured as the oak father intended. They made you afraid, fearful of who you are. Pushed these things upon you so you could hide-“ a low growl slips past his lips, as he cuts himself off. 

He pauses, shoulders falling as he lets out a sigh before looking to you once more. 

“These elixirs are beyond my comprehension. The medicine runs deep in your veins I…I know of no natural remedy or spell to counter its effects.” 

Dread settles deep in your belly at the realization that you basically have two options at this point. You can either wait out the symptoms and hope the fever doesn’t harm you or…give in to the need. Something that doesn’t scare you as much as it did at first, but something you still don’t know if you can trust. 

But you want to. You want him to touch you, to hold you, to do all of the things you’ve imagined him doing. But you want him to want it too. Not because of some biological drive but…because he desires you. 

And maybe…maybe he does. Who else’s could come all the way out here? What other alpha would have resisted touching you this long? You can think of no one else. Anyone else would have given in by now, you know it’s as excruciating for him as it is for you. 

So why is he here if not out of care for you…out of love ? 

Another tremble runs through you as you sit up, eyes searching his own before you speak. 

“Can you just…hold me? I just need, something, anything and I -“ you pause as another cramp takes your breath away. “I understand if you don’t want too - or think it would be-“ 

Gentle hands on your cheeks stop you in your tracks, and once again you practically melt into his palms, his touch the only thing providing any relief. 

“It would be my pleasure, my heart.” 

You sigh in relief, hands immediately falling to the hem of your shirt, the still damp material uncomfortable against your skin. You watch as Halsin reaches for his own vest before hesitating, eyes flitting to you in a silent question. 

Once your shirt is discarded and you’re down to your small clothes you give him a small nod, reaching out to him instead this time, fingers tugging at the lacings of his clothing. You try to focus, try to push past the lust fogging your kind. But it’s harder the closer you are to him, noticing every minute detail of the man in front of you. 

The way his breath hitches as you untie the laces and he helps you tug the article off his body. His scent assaults you as he does so. The way his muscles ripple beneath his skin as he reaches for you. The heat rivaling your own wafting off his skin in waves as he pulls you close to him before bringing you both to lay on your makeshift bed. 

He completely surrounds you, the smell of pine and the earth and something so subtly sweet it could only ever remind you of him. His arms tighten around you as you press your cheek to his chest, the light dusting of hair tickling your skin in the best way as his chin rests atop your head. 

The longer he holds you to him, the more relief seeps into your bones, that tormenting ache dissipating ever so slightly. But it never leaves completely, still tugging at the edges of your mind and making your fingers twitch from where your hands rest against his back. 

You can’t take it anymore. The need too great, your desire finally winning out as you pull away just enough so you can look up at the druid. He gives you a pained smile, clearly holding back the same what you are, and that’s enough to finally make you take action. 

Before the alpha can process your intentions you have a leg thrown over him, rolling until you sit astride his hips. Your hands brace against his chest as he looks up at you, brows drawn together in confusion. 

“What are you-“ 

You cut him off with hands against his cheeks, thumbs brushing his lips as your eyes travel over his face. 

“I want this,” you finally say, voice barely a whisper in the night. “I want you, but I-“ you have to bite back the tears that clog your throat. “ Promise me. Promise me you’ll be here when we’re done. Promise me you won’t leave when you’ve gotten what you want. I can’t…my heart can’t bear it.” 

Shock crosses Halsins face, followed quickly by what you recognize as a firm resolve and finally…the softest look you've ever recieved. He reaches up, taking one of your hands in his own to press a gentle kiss to your palm, then to your wrist before finally tugging you down so you’re chest to chest, your nose brushing his. 

Before you can blink, strong arms wrap around you, holding you to him as he flips you both over, your back now against the blankets as he hovers over you. 

“You are not so easily cast aside, my heart.” He tells you, voice full of reverence. “You plague my thoughts both waking and sleeping. Your taste lingers on my tongue each time we kiss. You’ve captured my entire being, heart and soul,” he presses a chaste kiss to the corner of your lips as tears slip from your eyes. “I will be here when you wake this day, and every day to come. I will cherish you as you deserve, as all those in the past have failed to do. If you will have me.” 

Words fail you in light of the poetic ones he whispers to you. So you do the one thing you’ve been denying yourself for days. Leaning up your press your lips to his, nearling crying out at the utter relief that washes through your veins when he returns the action, lips meeting yours in frantic eagerness. 

You pull away but his lips never leave your skin, trailing down as you reach up to thread shaking fingers through his bronze locks. 

“ Please,” you beg, desperation hanging on the simple word. “Touch me, I can’t take another moment without it. Without you.”  

Halsin is quick to oblige, his hands moving over you in a hurried rush. He rids you of your underthings before divesting himself of his own clothing and sinking to press fully against you. You can feel the hard length of him pressing against your hip, and your back arches instinctively into him, desperate to feel more of him. 

Halsin groans, unable to stop the way his hips thrust against your own, one hand falling down to take your hip in a bruising grip. 

“You do not know what you ask of me,” he warns you, voice low. “I have craved you for a long time, my heart. Once I start…I do not know that I will be able to stop until I know you are mine.” 

You shake your head, reaching up to tangle your hands in his hair as your legs move to wrap around his waist. “I don’t want you to stop,” you beg, “make me yours, please.”  

The need inside you is burning at an all time high, reaching a crescendo you didn’t even know possible as you lay beneath the powerful alpha above you. You know he could do whatever he wanted to you, with or without your permission. But you know he won’t, which just adds fuel to the fire in your veins. 

You want him. You want him to claim you and make you his, a feeling you’ve never had before. You’ve been hiding your whole life, but now, laid bare before him…You're no longer afraid. 

As if sensing any residual fear seep from you, Halsins lips crash against yours once more, wasting no more time. You feel his hand trail between you both, fingers touching you where you want him most. 

You cry out against his lips as his fingers slip through your arousal, teasing your entrance before coming back up to rub rhythmic patterns against the sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“You’re so wet for me,” his voice is husky next to your ear, almost a growl as he senses your complete and utter need. “Are you…Do you think you are ready?” 

It’s a genuine question, born both from actual concern but also impatience. You can sense he’s already holding back, willing to do whatever you need in order to not hurt you, but also wanting desperately to sink himself into you fully. 

You nod your head, you’ve come so many times since you’ve been here, your legs are sticky with your slick. There’s no way you couldn’t take him. 

Your hands scrabble at his back, pulling him closer to you, your thighs squeezing his hips firmly. “ Please , Halsin,” you beg, voice a pathetic whimper.

He needs no more encouragement. You feel the head of him slide through your wetness before he’s sinking into you at a pace that is both soothing the ache within you and also stoking the flames. 

A keening sound rips itself form your chest as he settles against you, and you expect him to wait, to be ever the gentleman and hold still for much longer than you can take right now. 

But to your shock and utter relief, Halsin does no such thing. He starts a firm and fast pace, his hips retreating before thrusting back into your own, filling you completely each time and driving the breath from your lungs. 

Gods he feels so good. It feels right. There is no pain, no discomfort, just the feeling of being so full it somehow completes you, as if Halsin was made just for you. 

My alpha.  

Halsin growls, head dropping to the crook of your neck, nipping at the delicate skin as his fingers dig deeper into your thighs. 

“Yes, I’m yours, little omega, and you are mine.” 

His words nearly shock you from your pleasure, not realizing you had said your thoughts out loud. And he…He called you his omega. Usually being referred to by your biological designation would anger you, make your fists clench and that all too familiar black anger build in your chest - but now…

The way he said he is yours. Giving himself to you and simultaneously calling you his own…it made stars burst behind your eyes, your orgasm crashing over you so suddenly it steals your senses from you. 

Blood rushes in your ears, your eyes clench shut, and you can feel the faint rawness in your throat as you cry Halsin’s name. 

Halsin doesn’t still as you come, only slows his thrusts as he works you through your high, grunts of pleasure brushing against your skin as you clench around him, your nails dig into his skin so hard you’re sure there will be evidence of this encounter for days to come. 

Warm lips press beneath your jaw, and you turn your head up willingly, silently begging him for more. 

“Are you alright, my heart?” 

His voice is soft, but strained, and it’s only then that you realize he’s still hard, thrusting haphazardly against you in an effort to satiate his own needs but not overwhelm you. 

Warmth blooms in your chest at his words and actions. No one has ever asked you that in the past. They just took and took until they were stated and then left…

You give him a small nod, pushing back at the tears burning at the back of your eyes. “Yes I-“ your voice croaks weakly. “I’m fine, I - I’m more than fine.” 

Yet even as you speak, you can feel that all to familiar burn spread through you once more. Your release had soothed the ache momentarily, but it’s back, slowly seeping back into every limb, your core churning with desire once more. 

Another whimper escapes you, as you turn to nuzzles Halsin cheek. “ Gods, it’s still there,” you cry, frustration painting your words. 

Halsin hums low in his chest, turning to press a gentle kiss to your temple, uncaring of the sweat beading there. 

“It may take a while for your body to get rid of the suppressants,” he says softly. “It may be several days before it is completely out of your system.” 

He must see the way your eyes widen, feel the way your breath hitches, because he soothes your worries with a kiss, pressing his weight into you in an effort to comfort you. 

“Do not let that worry you,” he says, hands sliding up your thighs until they rest on your waist. “The need will lessen with each passing hour, especially if spent with someone else.” 

You hear his unsaid meaning. The need will pass with each release, like an overflowing bucket being emptied a spoonful at a time. Shakily, you nod, accepting his answer before letting out a whine when he pulls away from you. 

A momentary stab of panic shoots through you, as he separates himself from your sweat slick skin, leaving you achingly empty as he pulls from you with a hiss. 

You reach for him blindly, only just now realizing how dark it is. Halsin arrived as the sun was already dipping below the horizon but now it’s nowhere to be seen, the last rays of light slipping away sometime earlier, leaving the small room lit with nothing but weak candle light. 

Halsin is nothing but a large dark mass in the poorly lit room, but you reach for him all the same, practically melting into him when his hands meet your flesh once more. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assures, lips pressing to your forehead as his hands settle on your hips.

He urges you into a new position slowly, lips never leaving your skin as you settle onto your hands and knees, fingers digging into the blanket below you as he kisses over your shoulder and down your spine. 

His hands move in the opposite direction, moving from the crook of your hips, up your sides before brushing over the swells of your breasts, gentle teasing stiff peaks between his fingers as he finally leans over you. 

Your head falls forward as his lips brush your ear, your need burning anew and more fiercely than before at this new position. 

“Is this alright?” he asks again, and for the first time tonight his careful consideration makes a tiny flicker of frustration burn in your chest. 

For the first time since you can remember you’ve never been more than alright. But now - needy and vulnerable and displayed for him… 

You groan, pressing back into him as his hands slide back up to your waist. 

“Yes, I’m fine just, please!” Desperate need and desire flair up in you so violently it nearly makes your hips buckle, the only thing keeping you upright being Halsin’s firm grip. 

“Please, alpha, take me.” 

Calling him alpha, you presented before him, the sent of sex and sweat and heat, in the air…It’s all too much for the both of you. 

The man behind you lets out a feral growl, and if this were any other man you’d be slightly afraid of what he’d do. But now…Utter excitement and arousal spread through your veins like liquid fire as he enters you in one swift thrust. 

He was deep before, touching you in places you’d never felt before, but like this… You nearly choke on the scream of pleasure that tears from your throat. You drop your face into the blankets beneath you, stifling your sounds as Halsin continues his brutal pace. 

A hand leaves your hips as calloused fingers slide beneath your jaw, pulling you up from the blankets just enough to turn your head to the side. His grip is firm but not ungentle as he leans down to capture your lips in a bruising kiss. 

“Do not hide from me,” he says, teeth tugging at your bottom lip before he pulls away to nose at your cheek. “I wish to hear every sound you make. I want to hear my name fall from your lips, I want the Oak Father himself to know who you cry out for.” 

A particularly hard thrust, the harsh grip on your hips, and his unusually filthy words make you come for a second time, obeying his demand to not hide your noises. 

Your fingers dig into the soft fabric beneath you, and as Halsin continues his movement within you, you’re afraid you might tear it to shreds. 

Gods… you can feel everything. Every vein, every ridge, every inch of him inside you. All of your nerve endings are on fire and you’re so sensitive you don’t know if it’s pleasure or pain pulsing in your core. 

And for a moment it seems like Halsin isn’t even close to reaching his end despite him already driving you to your third release. 

He presses down into you, one arm wrapping around your hips to keep your semi-limp form pressed to him as his other hand slides up to tangle into the hair at the base of your neck. He doesn’t pull harshly, instead he presses you further into the bedroll and covers beneath you, arching your back in a way that makes him hit impossibly deeper, reaching the end of you. 

“Oh, fuck, Halsin!” you cry his name in pure ecstasy, as he fucks down into you, taking you and claiming you just like you wanted. 

You feel it when his hips start to stutter, can hear his breathing grow even more ragged than it already was, his grip on your hips tightening as his thrusts turn more shallow. 

It’s like you can sense his hesitance, and before he can ask the question you know he wants to ask you find yourself answering.

“In me,” you practically sob, pressing your hips back into him. “Come in me, please…” 

He lets out a sound you can’t even identify, something close to a sigh and a cry of relief as he falls over you. His chest pressed flush against your back as he braces himself on one arm beside your head. 

His head falls next to your own, lips pressing against you as his teeth tease the skin at the crook of of your neck. 

You can feel him hesitate, pulling away until you reach up to tug him back down. 

“No I- do it,” you beg. “Please I…I love you - please, do it.” 

Part of you is panicked when he hesitates at your words, but it’s fleeting as Halsin’s teeth dig into your flesh. You cry out as he breaks skin and your third release washes over you, bringing Halsin over the edge with you. 

His breath is hot against your skin as he moans, hips snapping into yours as he spills into, stilling as he slowly brings both your bodies to the ground. 

His entire weight is settled on top of you, and you can't find it in you to care. In fact, you crave it. The feeling of him caging you in, his sweat slick skin against your own as he laps lazily at the new mark on your neck. 

Eventually he turns, nuzzling at your cheek until you manage to turn to let him capture your lips in a kiss. It’s a slow, sensual thing. His tongue reaches to slide against your own as his arms move to slide beneath your body. He rolls you both onto your side, keeping you connected as he curls himself slightly around you, holding you against his chest. 

He breaks the kiss only to trail his lips down, back to your neck hovering over the mark of his bite before placing one last kiss there. 

For the first time in days you don’t feel the creeping burn anywhere. The first true relief you’ve felt truly settling over you as you relax back into the body behind you. 

His arm sits snugly around your waist, his fingers tracing gentle patterns into your skin and up under your breasts before repeating. 

“Are you…” He trails off for a moment. “Did I hurt you?” 

You shake your head, turning to try and catch his eye over your shoulder, chest swelling with adoration when you see the concern flickering in his gaze. Your hand falls down to cover his own, giving it a firm squeeze. 

“I’m perfect,” you assure him, pressing a kiss to his lips before settling into him again, fingers tracing absently over his arm around you. 

“I…” Now it’s your turn to think about your words. “I’m sorry. If…what I said was - uncalled for.” Your words are stuttered and unsure. 

You don’t want to apologize for what you said, because it was the truth. But you also don’t want him to feel obligated to return your affections just because of what transpired. 

Sensing your inner turmoil, gentle fingers settle beneath your jaw, turning you to look at him once more. His brows are furrowed as he gazes down at you. 

“Does it hold truth?” he asks simply, no accusation or frustration present. 

You nod, reaching up to card a hand through his hair. “Yes I - they were true. I do…I think I’ve loved you for some time now but…” 

His eyes soften. “You were afraid.” 

You nod, eyes falling away from him in shame. But Halsin doesn’t let your feeling last long, he presses a gentle kiss to your cheek before resting his forehead against your own. 

“I must admit that I feel the same,” he says, voice a mere whisper. “You have taken my heart in your hands and held it captive in a way I haven’t experienced in my long life. I do not wish to let you go easily.” 

You smile, lips brushing his own as you speak. “Then don’t,” you say, reaching down to tug his arm tighter around you, “I’m yours. I meant that too.” 

Halsin sighs in what you assume is relief, leaning down to press a kiss to your shoulder as he adjusts to hold you closer to him as you relax in his arms. 

“And I am yours,” he tells you. “Now, sleep. This is far from over, but I will be here when you wake.” 

Earlier, the thought of it taking days for the suppressant to work from your system made fear grip your heart. But now…

Now there’s just a warm syrupy feeling that settles deep in your belly as you take his advice and let your eyes fall closed. 

Because with Halsin…you know you have nothing to fear. 

[retromotherfuckers]

Violet Eyes, Red

Pairing:

rhysand x reader (pretty sure it's gender neutral - there might be a "she" i missed while referring to you from the original draft bc second person pov is not how i write)

Summary:

you and your mate reunite after feyre defeats amarantha and this is the fallout of what the bitch did to him.

Warnings:

aftermath of SA - i can't really tell if it's graphic which tells me it is, loose description of a panic attack, PTSD, please let me know if I missed anything. guys, please, if these topics are triggering for you, don't read this fic. i am not responsible for your media consumption, but i also don't want to throw you headfirst into your trauma.

Word Count:

2,140

A/N:

literally broke my own damn heart with this one. rhys' trauma is so ignored and that needed to be rectified. rhys might be my second favorite bat boy, but he's still a lil baby who needs to be protected

The human girl had beaten her - the woman of his nightmares - once and for all. At the first moment he could, Rhysand winnowed. After fifty years, he knew there was only one place he could go. After all, it was the last Sunday of the month, and that Sunday was the day he and his mate reserved just for themselves. The High Lord and Lady would not conduct any business on that day.

You'd spend most of your day on the balcony. You'd serenade him with the piano. You'd fly around Velaris - creating patterns in the air. You'd cradle each other in your arms. He'd sketch out a new drawing - trying and failing, in his opinion, to encapsulate your true beauty.

One day, he broke that promise, that vow you had made, and went to what he thought was a simple trade meeting. That morning was the last day he saw you, and he still couldn't live with himself.

Those memories alone kept him breathing at times. When Amarantha stole his bed, his body, his hope.

Then the human girl showed up, and he tried to help her. Wanted to give her what she needed to beat the beast he didn't think he'd ever escape. But he had lost the will to pray for it. To the cauldron, to the Mother Above. Despite his pessimism, she persevered. The girl had won. And then he was free.

He was on the balcony before he could even think about it. After a quick glance around, he realized it was empty. At first, he felt a pulse of disappointment, but with the realization of how long it'd been, he breathed deeply. How could he expect you to keep up the tradition? Fifty years of solitude on those Sundays would have made him mad if your roles were reversed.

At the thought, he allowed himself to feel the mating bond. It had gone cold the moment he winnowed away all those years ago, but now it was as beautiful as he remembered. The pull of another person at the end of a tether, forever binding them in the purest forms of fate.

But he heard your thoughts, and he almost broke down in sobs at the sound of your voice in his head. Please come home, my love. I don't know how to do this anymore. Please. The last word, you were begging. Your inner voice, the one he had to get used to living without, was broken. Pleading for him to return - despite everything you'd probably heard.

And with that, he took action, winnowing to every room in the house so he would find you as soon as possible. He knew you were close; your scent wasn't stale. It was fresh, clinging to every piece of furniture you owned together.

It was the last room he checked, his office, where he found you. You sat in his desk chair; the leather more worn than he remembered. But the sight of you stopped him from rushing to you. Nursing a bottle of wine, you slouched on your elbows, hands in your hair, as more thoughts streamed through the bond.

I'm losing myself, Rhys. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can't let myself believe you won't come back because that- that will ruin me. What she's doing to you, what she's making you do. I don't even know a fraction of it, but I can't stop it. I- I can't protect you. And I hate myself for it. 

He was watching you as you sent the words down the bond, the bond that had been desolate for half a century. You run your hands down your face, not looking up from your wine, the third of many you planned to drown in.

Just get through it. Please just- just survive. Do what you have to do to come home. I'll be here. I love you. My mate.

You'd only allowed yourself to talk to him once a month. Initially, you would try to send him something every day. Thoughts, images, songs you'd learned, prayers for him. You never heard anything back, and it slowly started eating away at you. It shattered your hope every time you didn't get a response.

You'd heard the rumors, Amarantha's whore, he'd been called. Every time you heard it, it ate away at you more and more. As if he would choose that - choose to warm the bed of another when you were waiting for him at home. You knew him better than that, and you winced at the thought. He wouldn't choose it, but would she force him? Was she that much of a monster? 

You had to shake that thought away for the thousandth time that night, downing the rest of the glass. As you reach for the bottle, nearly empty at that point, a hand wraps around your wrist. The touch is gentle but firm - stopping you from drinking more, but not rough enough to hurt. Instead of startling at it, the wine slows your instincts. You can only stare. The tattoos on the dorsal side interweave into vines under the sleeve. Vines you know, vines that you've held, vines that have and will continue to have free rein of your body.

Faster than you thought you were capable of, your eyes flew to its owner's eyes. Violet. The most ravishing violet. Violet you'd feared you were forgetting.

With a new urgency, you pulled yourself to your feet, your hands flying up to his face without thinking. One on his cheek, the other on his neck, pushing, pulling, grabbing, unsure if it was your mind playing tricks on you.

In your desperate touch, you missed the way he flinched.

His hands. Mother Above, his beautiful hands were on your neck too, placed at the sides. When your mind would play you for a fool, it would never let you touch him, let alone allow him to reach you. But there he was, and you could feel him. You tugged at the bond, finally noticing it was warm and delicate and sweet and serene and everything you wished you knew how to describe. 

He breathed your name, barely a whisper. "I'm home, my darling. I'm home."

"You're here." The words barely escaped you, and you couldn't stop the tears. He didn't hesitate a moment, pulling you in for a frustratingly rare and fierce embrace. You clung to each other for dear life, tighter and tighter and tighter, like he'd disappear if you let him go. Frankly, you weren't convinced he wouldn't. "You're really here."

You stood like that for a while, holding each other, when he ultimately pulled away first. "Rh-Rhys, don't go-"

"I'm not," he promised, his voice raw, kissing your forehead. He took in every inch of your face. "I just wanted to look at you. My mate."

Since Rhys had been freed by the human girl, nothing had been normal. Not that you expected it to be, but you didn't anticipate just how awful a recovery for him would be. He couldn't share your bed, and you didn't mean that in a sexual manner. He couldn't sleep with anyone else in his room - if he had even been sleeping at all. He could barely stand to be touched. You knew he wanted to be able to let you, but every time you seemed to blink, he would flinch.

You had suspicions about what went on under the mountain, but you had no idea it would be so evil.

He stood before a cabinet, staring blankly into it, lost in a memory - a memory he'd been refusing to share. You understood why, but something in you told you that you needed to see. Not just for curiosity's sake but to know how to help him. Even if it was past your pay grade.

"Rhys," You called quietly for the second time. You didn't want to touch him, shock him back to reality. The fear of that setting him off more held you back. With a harsh and sudden breath, he fearfully glanced at you and around the room, forgetting where he was for a moment. "You're at home, Rhys. You came home."

"I'm sorry," He rasped, ignoring your words. His hands pulled at his hair, and you were nervous he'd start ripping it out. He backed away from you, so far away he was caught by the wall. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Your own formed at the sight of his tears, but you couldn't conjure up what he'd have to apologize for. "It's okay, honey, you're safe. It's okay."

"I didn't- I didn't want it. I swear on my life, I didn't want to."

You shook your head, not understanding. But you knew asking what he was apologizing for was the wrong thing to do. You could see it, the shame, the regret, the blame. "I know you didn't."

He squeezed his eyes shut, buried his face in his hands, and sank to the floor. He kept murmuring apologies, pleading for your forgiveness. "I betrayed you, you have to- you have to leave me."

His words shocked you, and now you were the one that flinched. "Rhysand, look at me." He visibly shrunk at the command, pulling his hands away from his face. "As far as I'm concerned, anything that happened...there...is the furthest thing from your fault. I know there are things you can't tell me, and that's okay. I'll be here when you're ready-"

"I can't!" He bellowed. "You'll never forgive-"

"Show me the memory." You demanded, your voice quiet but assertive. But you wouldn't push too hard if he was adamant about keeping you out. You knew. You knew. Based on the way he had been acting, what had happened. But you also knew he needed to show you. So someone, fucking someone, would tell him it was out of his control. He couldn't govern everything, even if he was the High Lord of the Night Court. The words hurt as they left your lips. "Because I can promise you that I will."

You weren't a daemati, but you could see him battling with himself. Debating, if showing you what really happened, would bury him deeper under the surface or pull him back up for air.

Eventually, he released a rare sob and a barely audible "Okay."

He showed you the first time, how he just laid there like a statue as her hands took everything for herself. Then, the fifth time, when she started demanding he respond, pretend he wanted it. Then, the eleventh time, when his body started reacting. Then, by the next time, he had stopped keeping count.

He showed you, whether he meant to or not, how he prayed for it to end, prayed for someone to rescue him.

How he had been praying for you.

With the confirmation of your theory, you squeezed your eyes shut, trying and failing to hold back the tears. The angry tears, wishing you could've been the one to rip her throat out. Tears that enraged you because that was not Tamlin's kill. Furious tears because that wasn't even your kill. Devastating tears because your mate not only had to play a character for so long, but he had to endure being called her whore. Like he had any fucking say. 

Overwhelming tears because your mate was in pain and there was shit all you could do about it.

"Can I touch you?" The question shocks him, but he nods without thinking, confused at the request. You slowly lift your hands to his cheeks, brushing away his tears with your thumbs. "There is nothing for me to forgive you for. I know you didn't want to do any of it."

"But I-"

"Bodies respond to stimulation whether it's wanted or not. It's how we work." You explained slowly and carefully, keeping direct eye contact. "You forget, sweetheart. I can hear your thoughts when you show me a memory."

"I've-" His voice caught, putting his hands on your wrists, rubbing them up and down your arms until they got hot. "I've been so scared. That it's still happening. That all of this is going to go away, that she's not really gone, that I'm not really here, and this is just another tactic-"

You shake your head, finally pulling yourself together to say what you've wanted to say for weeks. "I swear on my life that I will never let anyone hurt you like that again. I will spend eternity protecting you from her and anyone like her. And if you forget that this is real, just ask me. I'll tell you."

His eyes darted between yours, furiously blinking. Violet eyes, red. Pleading craving begging praying.

"Is it?"

[devine-fem]

What do you think about Damian’s relationship with his parents?

Bruce.

One thing I do notice is that he treats Damian way differently than he treats his other Robins. Whether or not it was because of how writers treated his blood relation to Bruce or them thinking Damian deserved little to no compassion.

He calls Jason, Dick and Tim petnames when they’re Robin, not always cutesy but still hold mentor-like charm but… he just will refer to Damian as ‘boy’ and not even son.

Bruce kind of refused to get Damian any normal psychological help and throughout his childhood, he was just very absent. He expected so much of Damian but at the same time would expect nothing from him and he constantly feels like he needs to be better for him or else he will not be loved.

That doesn’t mean Bruce isn’t there when it counts, I do think he cares for Damian greatly but just has his own way of showing it which must be so confusing for a little boy.

Writers are trying to make it so Bruce is this picture in the frame kind of Dad but I don’t know if this does their characters any good as charming as it seems.

Talia.

Firstly, I would like to say that if you think Talia is this emotionally abusive, manipulative mother to Damian then you’re very much wrong. She’s not free of her actions in canon but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him with her whole heart.

She does. The whole point of letting him become Robin was to give him foundation, and choice in his path because she loves him so and wants him to have the freedom she never had.

She’s a victim herself. She’s the daughter of Ra’s al Ghul, but everything she has ever done for Damian has come from a place of love and adoration of him. It has to make sense to her.

She’s a mother. She’s crawled out of hell for that boy.

He’s always sought acceptance. He wants to belong and I don’t think either of his parents see him as enough.

Bruce most of the time either ignores him or yells at him. Bruce is the one who demands for him to be better, not Talia, she wants him think that she loves him as he is but this isn’t always true. She’s not exempt from the trauma and abuse she put Damian through but that doesn’t mean she’s to blame for her own abuse as she’s a victim herself and that’s why she acts this way. That’s why at times he chooses to leave to escape this.

Damian has been taught by the blade, by servants and assassins, that coupled with his craving to be perfect has driven him emotionally into a pit where he’s cold and distant.

Speaking of which, people like to talk about Dick and Damian’s relationship of being parental but I think that’s more of a batfam stan fanon thing. I don’t think this would do either of the characters any good.

If you want to seek familial and fatherly relationships that Damian has then look to Alfred.

Even early into his development, Alfred was one person who was willing to hear Damian out and be there for him. When Bruce wasn’t around, Alfred was, as it was like this for many Robins before him but… Alfred’s passing is a great part if Damian’s character because with what he’s been through - it makes him care greatly for him as if he was a father.

[iridiss]

binging diaries again… finally got around to my diaries Aphmau redesign…

She’s a bundle of joy when she first arrives in town, a selfless and optimistic problem-solver who took one look at a rotting, decaying village and decided she would fix it up single-handedly. She repairs their houses, builds a guard tower, builds them a bigger and better farm, builds more homes, brings a lot more villagers and merchants to the town, rebuilds old alliances that decayed after Malik’s death and makes new ones with near and faraway towns. Shes stubborn and headstrong at times, and in the beginning her desire to always see the best in people leads her into some nasty situations, but through her actions, agency, and persistent efforts, she becomes the embodiment of hope and healing for the town (Very similarly to how Irene the Matron aided her hometown in its recovery!). This is why the town elects her the Lord of the village.

Loss after loss, battle after battle, traumatic event after traumatic event, the state of the world slowly falling apart around her gradually chips away at her bright and cheery demeanor, matures her, hardens her into a woman that is- still very much capable of being sweet and happy and warm and loving!!! She never loses her core personality!! But it…changes her nonetheless. It hurts, and she grieves, and it comes dangerously close to breaking her over the years. She ends up hardening into a woman who’s capable of playing both the darling lover and the military General. A woman who’s learned how to be cautious and wary and approach things tactically, who learned how to determine the difference between a good person who just needs to be warmed out of their shell—and a charismatic liar whose nowhere near as good as they seem on the surface. She’s mature, she’s wise, she’s a natural leader, she’s cautious and on occasion can be rather guarded, but…she’ll always be warm and gentle and kind on the inside.

After Aaron dies, her mental health takes a massive dip, and on occasion she ends up in a rather dark mental place. A vengeful, angry, violent place. Come season three, she’s learned that sometimes you have to kill in order to protect the ones you love the most, and after he dies, that part of her becomes…a bit worse. If you’re her ally, the only change you would have noticed is the deepened bags under her eyes and her lack of sleep, but if you’re an established enemy, like, say, Zane, you might notice that she’s stopped talking things out and started jumping straight to Kill Mode (…which is, tbh, valid). She leans heavily on her partners to help her through this darker time in her life, and after the series finale when they get Aaron back and Shad is defeated, she’s doing much better.

She’s a sweetheart and a goody-two-shoes, yes, but like. she’s also basically a military general in the midst of a very long war. she’s got fuckin ptsd and is MUCH more emotionally mature and wisened than her Mystreet and Void Paradox counterparts. girlies been through hell. literally.

Also religious trauma I think she’d have plenty fair share of religious trauma from the whole Irene business

[litiyerses]

calypso having an emotion-centered character and being viewed & getting treated as the ‘evil woman’ is actually a reflection of how every woman's emotions are villainized when they’re shown vividly and are a main part of their character in popular media.

in general media and riordanverse specifically, women with emotions are always looked down upon because showing emotions is regarded as a dramatic act so when a female character shows and acts on their emotiotions they get degraded and instantly despised because of it. this is done with every single female character while male characters who show emotion are treated like saints and found worthy of self redemption. this happened with annabeth when she didn’t want to believe luke was the bad guy and wanted to try bring him back because she was manipulated by him her entire life, meanwhile luke, who did batshit crimes like causing hundreds of innocent deaths, manipulating little girls by flirting with them, admitting his crush to a 16 year-old at his ripe age of 23, is remembered as a hero and considered ‘redeemed himself’ after sacrificing himself while annabeth was called insufferable when she didn’t believe he was evil in the first place. let’s not forget piper, who’s a lesbian that was forced into a relationship with a man by a goddess and thought she was in the wrong for not feeling right with jason. during the entire relationship she was experiencing a very hard comphet and couldn’t figure herself out because of the fake memories, everybody was bashing her when she was acting confused, when she was, in fact confused. i have a longer post about this specific topic, so if you guys wanna check it out it’s right here. 

 coming back to calypso, first we need to clear out the misconceptions about her curse on percy that affected annabeth. she wasn't blind nor was personally attacking annabeth, her curse was to make someone feel like how she was feeling all time and that’s why percy and annabeth couldn’t reach out to one another while being right next to each other. annabeth’s blindness came from the titan she defeated in the sea of monsters and is actually the first curse to be put by the arai on them, so it has nothing to do with calypso. the curse was affecting annabeth because she happened to be the person percy loved and was right next to him. if percy was there alone either percy would feel alone and abandoned or the curse wouldn’t affect him at all, since there’s no person he can go back to save. and the curse itself wasn’t even a death wish type of curse she just wanted to be heard, be acknowledged and wanted free off her island. not to forget the curse wasn't harming or killing any of them yet it’s still demonized more than by literally every other thing that happened in the books. nothing luke has ever done is seen as evil as her curse just because it was by her and i’m pretty positive if something like this was shown in pjo by luke it would be glossed over and romanticized in the fandom. further proof of how a male character's actions get brushed off and forgiven easily but soon a female character does something even slightly questionable they get villainized on the spot.

she is also despised because she doesn't let everyone's favorite man get away with his misogynistic stuff. calypso doesn't treat leo any worse than he treats her. whenever she starts arguing it is a response to something leo has said or done, which in the most case she's in the right but leo gets so much slack from his past and being fandom favorite to be held accountable for the way he treats people. he's always been written as a misogynist, he never treated any women with any respect. he always had some sort of disrespect for every female character he seems have some sort of closure with like piper, hazel, calypso, the list goes on, but yet calypso is always expected to be more 'tolerable and understanding' bc of his trauma, as if every single character in the series isn't written upon a single trauma they had and have their character built on it. and he always had a problem dealing with others and their emotions and instead of expecting him to be working to change that, calypso is expected to adjust his manners.

oddly enough, she's also expected to show some gratitude towards leo for saving her, when she never asked him to do so and not for a second believed that he was actually going to come back when he said he would. is she grateful that he came back and freed her? yes. should she feel any obligations to make him feel greater because of it? NO. everything leo did for calypso was his and only his choice and nobody else's. calypso is happy that he did so, but expecting her to tolarate every single thing he does solely because of that is wrong.

[httpstes]

✧˚ · . astro observation VI ✧˚ · .

Links to other astrovations: Astrology observations l, Astrology Observations ll, Astrology observations lll, Astrology observations IV, Astrology observations V

ꕥ Aries and Pisces moons are equally sensitive imo, Aries most of the time outwardly expresses this sensitivity, Pisces is 50/50

ꕥ On top of that, from what i’ve seen aries moons are more sensitive to what people say to them, they can get very defensive and guard their ego closely (honestly this can go for any fire moon) meanwhile pisces is sensitive to their environment and the people around them.

ꕥMoon in 3H can indicate having a love for writing/poetry. It may bring these individuals great comfort and they could’ve been the type to write a lot as a kid. English/Media studies is probably these peoples favourite subject.

ꕥ Pisces moons are careful with what they say to other people sometimes to a point where they can’t speak their minds and be authentic, they easily soak up the energies within a room.

ꕥ Scorpio mercuries are not only very interested in dissecting every bit and piece of their childhood, who they are and what makes them, them. But when they like someone, bro, they will want to understand this person to a fault. They want to find out what makes them tick, what makes them happy and so forth. Great listeners too :))

ꕥ Cancer moons no matter what other placements they have are always so sweet man. Idek how to describe it but anytime i meet a person with a cancer moon they just radiate this loving, carefree energy. Then when i get to know them they’re still loving and sweet, just they hold a lot of emotional baggage and trauma 😭 I hope y’all doing okay.

ꕥ People with libra Sun/Moon/Venus i feel would be attracted to sophisticated, elegant individuals. Someone with an attractive appeal, who has a nice home, pretty facial features, popular or has some status in their area.

ꕥ Ive looked at some of my friends ascendant persona chart, and oml it makes sm sense. One of my friends is a pisces rising but i feel as though only some aspects of a pisces rising was shown through her outward personality, it was only until I saw her asc persona chart that i saw she was an aries rising with venus in the first house. I showed her this and she definitely agreed that her outward personality could come off as an aries rising. So when you check your asc persona chart think of it as like a second rising sign with some influence to your natal rising sign :)

ꕥ Pisces mercuries can get a bad rep within their school/work place. These people can get their words easily twisted around, and eventually they’re blamed for things they didn’t even say/do :( This could be because of the neptunian, illusion like influence pisces will have on the natives communication.

ꕥ Venus transmitting your 5th house can indicate having a fling, or being in a short situation-ship.

ꕥ Moon in the 12th house grants an individual who is extremely empathic, and intuitive to the needs of others. This can lead to people naturally gravitating towards them because of how kind and understanding they seem.

ꕥ Mercury in aspect to MC can indicate someone who is seen as well spoken in the public eye. Typically this goes for mercury in the 10th house however i believe it is stronger when it’s conjunct the Midheaven. These people can easily climb their way up the social ladder by using and manipulating their words. They know how to appeal to the public.

ꕥ Aries moons may have been very rough or rebellious children when younger. They tend to be very action oriented and could be involved in a lot of sports.

ꕥ I feel like sag moons are the types of people who enjoy learning about their friends religions and backgrounds. They find it interesting and want to understand how other people view life.

ꕥ Where you have libra in your chart can show where you like to have peace and harmony, where you like to have things aesthetically pleasing and easy. For example, Libra in 10th house may like to come off as conventionally attractive and pretty. They may want to be seen as someone who is sweet and playful. Ofc this can lead to superficiality, but this can prove to benefit them and their wellbeing, as having a Libra 10th house/MC can make you seem like a push over, this could help the individual learn how to not settle for less and to develop their assertive communication skills. Libra in the 6th house might like to have organised routines that are aesthetically pleasing and that benefit their health/work ethic. But Libra in 6th housers need to learn to balance the outward appearance of their routines with the practicality of their routines. Libra in 6th house may prioritise having a rigid routine simply because it makes them feel nice or makes them look good when they also have to know if their routine is becoming obsessive and is no longer about benefitting their wellbeing. Libra in 8th house may like to have or do have lives with little to no traumatic experiences. They don’t want conflict or life altering events that can put them off balance, and change them psychologically. Because of this, Libra 8th housers may need to learn to accept that some stages in life are not always harmonious and balanced.

ꕥ Sun in 4th house may deep down whether it was a positive or negative experience, have a deep fondness/love for their home and childhood. Even if their childhood wasn’t the best, many with this placement I have noticed tend to reminisce and look back. Some of my friends who have this placement always look back on their childhood even if it was shitty as many of them like the comfortability it gave them. Some of my 4H sun friends told me they were scared to leave and grow as individuals while others told me the exact opposite wanting to get as far away from home as possible.

ꕥ Also i noticed that many 4H suns may still live in their childhood home as adults or one day buy it from their parents.

ꕥ Moon in 11th house may deeply rely on friendships and connections to get through rough times. These individuals are very people oriented and genuinely enjoy meeting new people, none of their connections are insincere.

ꕥ Transit Venus travelling through your 3rd house may indicate having a peaceful school environment or less disruptions in your neighbourhood. This could also indicate a time where you and your siblings get along easily with little to no arguments.

ꕥ Transit Mars travelling through your 3rd house could mean the opposite. Arguments and conflicts are more likely to arise with siblings and in your neighbourhood. There could be some type of restricting, competitive atmosphere at school that makes it seem like everyone wants to be better than the other. However during this time period you could get a lot done either out of anger, competitiveness or simply wanting to meet your end goals.

ꕥMercury-Mars (esp conj) can make a person a very passionate speaker. These people could make great motivational speakers and are seen as the ones who are easily persuasive.

ꕥSun-Mercury is the same except the way i see it is, Mercury-Mars: " YOU GOT THIS! KEEP GOING! I BELIEVE IN YOU😡🫶!" meanwhile Sun-Mercury: " yes!! you got this, you’re slaying so hard rn 🫶"

ꕥNot an observation but a personal opinion, men with lots of scorpio/cancer placements absolutely terrify me, I’m sorry but i had to say it.

ꕥ Well honestly lots of scorpio/cancer placements in a persons chart generally scare me but most of the women i’ve met with this placement are really sweet, clingy, but sweet. The 4 guys i’ve met, talked to and hung out with that had these placements, made me want to obliterate the earth. 😁 (however i will say they were probably very immature and their scorpio/cancer placements hadn’t evolved yet)

ꕥ Jupiter in 6th house may have had lots of pets in their lives or want to have many pets.

ꕥ Jupiter in 6th may also have really good health and could take advantage of that. In worst cases they could abuse substances/routines that are NOT good for them however they happen to be lucky in multiple aspects and could live very healthily. However I obviously don’t suggest this, everything might be fine one moment but sooner or later things could come crashing down any moment.

ꕥ Saturn in 11th might have had restrictive friends, friends who constantly controlled them and what they did, people who criticised them to fit in.

ꕥ If not this, Saturn in 11th may have had (or still have) friends who are older than them and are almost like mentors to them. These individuals could have friends wise beyond their years and give great advice to the Saturn in 11H individual. Saturn in 11H can also indicate having long term friendships.

ꕥ People with heavy plutonian influence are generally pretty popular (depending on the rest of the chart) however i’ve noticed these individuals get into a lot of drama. Even if they hadn’t started anything, these individuals names always get dragged into things for whatever reason. I believe this may stem from the power and beauty that exudes from these individuals, and so people either are jealous and involve them in drama, or people naturally assume they are up to some shady shit.

ꕥ I consider heavy plutonian influence to be if you have scorpio placements (esp a stellium in scorpio or the 8th house), placements in the 8th house, or if you have pluto conjunct/opposite 2+ personal planets.

Thank you for reading, likes and reblogs are always appreciated 🫶

[hestzhyen]

Already Waist-Deep

Hi internet void. Please allow me to kagura my bachi all over the place for a little bit. I've got a bad case of the brain worms about these boys that I haven't even had together for 20 chapters yet. Let me ramble a little bit about why they're already so compelling as not only a duo, but a ship.

First off, a caveat. Kagurabachi is a Weekly Shounen Jump (WSJ) action series. That means that if romance is ever addressed in the series itself, the protagonist is going to end up with a girl. Doesn't matter how underdeveloped or lackluster his relationship to her is, or how flat she is as a character. Invest lightly and come along for the ride without any expectations of m/m ships becoming canon. (That said, it might not be the worst thing in the world for our MC to end up with a girl in this case- more on that later.)

Second, I don't really ship that often. Not seriously at least. I need more than two guys being close with each other to start wanting them to be a pair, y'know? So I hope you understand the intensity of the material Hokazono-sensei has been giving us the past few chapters. I am on the brink of going all-in on HakuHiro/ChihiHaku in less than 20 chapters, it's that insane.

Third, I will be talking about current developments without marking potential spoilers. There are only 38 chapters out as of writing this, but there are at least two reveals that would be better appreciated going in blind. Spoilers for the oneshot Farewell! Cherry Boy are also a thing near the end.

Okay? Okay. Let's begin.

Who's Involved? First up is our protagonist Chihiro Rokuhira, an 18 year old boy and the son of a famous swordsmith. He was raised with genuine love and care by his father (no idea what happened to his mom yet), taking care of their day-to-day life while learning his father's trade. And from the very first chapter he is steeped in tragedy as he witnesses his father's murder and life's work being stolen. He then sets out on the long, fraught road of vengeance.

Sounds grim and not exactly compelling, right? Especially when this scene from the first chapter was making the rounds being memed to death:

But there's much more to Chihiro than meets the eye. Flashbacks to his time growing up show him being a natural caretaker to his dad and their fish- cooking meals, keeping his dad on task, and so on. We see glimpses of underlying tenderness when he meets and rescues Char, a sweet little girl with her own tragic past. And we get some insight that he might not be quite as resolute as he's projecting himself to be when he faces off against Sojo, a fan of his father who worships a much different version of the man than Chihiro knew. And now the Rakuzaichi arc has definitively shown us that Chihiro isn't as collected as he seems. One of his father's killers easily cracks the mask and shows us Chihiro is really just a desperate kid with a heaping helping of trauma, while Tenri's pointless sacrifice shakes him to his core. But despite it all he's still doing determinator things in the most badass way possible. Chihiro has layers, man. A lot of them. And the best way to understand our protagonist right now is through his foil: Hakuri Sazanami.

Who is Hakuri? Another 18 year old boy with a special lineage, but he's a loser who needs to be saved from common thugs. A pathetic guy who latches on to Chihiro and doesn't take the hint when Chihiro literally runs away to ditch him. An utter failure to his family. A lost puppy looking for a samurai.

Hakuri Sazanami is one of the best goddamn foils I've seen in shounen manga yet.

Let me tell you all the ways I love the writing around this kid and Chihiro because MAN I can't even contain all these feels.

What's Going On? From the start, Hakuri looks like he's just another person for Chihiro to bail out. He witnesses Chihiro's awesomeness fighting Sojo in the streets and decides to imitate it, standing up for a little girl being kidnapped. Instead of winning out, though, he's captured and kicked around. Once he's coincidentally rescued by Chihiro he's immediately all-in on tagging along and keeping Chihiro in his life. Look at this pitiful guy:

Chihiro decides to hear him out due to his connection to the Sazanamis, the Big Bads of the arc. He's initially put off by Hakuri's intensity but brings him along anyway, as Hakuri's insider information regarding the Sazanami family makes him useful. Then, as Chihiro wavers under Hiyuki's assault, Hakuri is truly useful for the first time:

And it only gets better from here. We see Hakuri hanging off Chihiro's every word trying to be as useful as possible for his samurai, striving to do anything he can, though it ends up with him forcing Chihiro to give up his precious sword Enten in exchange for his life. (Yes, Chihiro "buys" Hakuri from Hakuri's own family.) Later on during the invasion of the auction is where things go into overdrive though. We see their character arcs start to invert and shape each other's as the action unfolds and Hakuri's own tragic past comes to light, eventually awakening him to his special abilities. Chihiro's bravery and strength help him pull this off and finally defeat the older brother that tortured him in the name of "love". Hakuri ascends to being the strongest Sazanami since the progenitor started their line centuries ago. He's the Special Boy!

All this to say that Hakuri Sazanami isn't just a deuteragonist or a foil…

He's the goddamn heroine.

Kagurabachi's Built Different What makes a shounen series heroine? Firstly, they support the main character without getting involved in most of the heavy fighting. A shounen heroine will usually at most have a fight against another girl while the Big Event is happening nearby, making sure the main character has the spotlight. Second, most of the value they bring to the protagonist's story is emotional. They encourage him, validate him, provide a bit of a refuge for him to safely let his guard down. They can get him to express softer emotions that he wouldn't normally show around others. Third… they're the love interest. Ochako, Orihime, Chichi, and now… Hakuri? Really?

We know the third one will not happen for HakuHiro in canon. But what about the first two? Well, let's recap what Hakuri has done for Chihiro so far.

Hakuri can defend himself now, but his most useful ability is access to an interdimensional storehouse. Given the way that his magic works -he needs to prioritize maintaining the storehouse or using Isou- he'll likely be the means of keeping the enchanted blades safe rather than a front-line fighter. Support-centric character that will still get some combat time against lesser opponents: check.

Hakuri's given Chihiro some much-needed direct emotional validation that he hasn't gotten from anyone else yet. ("You saved me." … "That katana suits you.") Hakuri's words fortify his resolve and Chihiro later pays it back by trading Enten, an incalculably precious sword and memento of his father, for Hakuri's life. He even uses the same phrase when asked why he'd do that for someone as worthless as Hakuri ("That guy… saved me."). He later reaffirms that Hakuri's encouragement gave him the courage to let go of Enten in the first place:

We even see Chihiro open up to him for the first time just minutes after they met:

Chihiro's been a stoic good guy with buried trauma up until this point. But somehow Hakuri is the first person he outright admits his fears to- not Shiba, not Hinao, but the freaky kid he just rescued. Emotional support pillar: check.

"Well that's not enough!" you say. "That's just taking some moments and doing that thing you said you didn't do- smushing boys together just because they're close!" OK but look at how Hakuri thinks about Chihiro:

Chihiro has been his inspiration from the first time he saw him. It can be read as admiration and hero worship, but doesn't that feel like selling Hakuri's feelings short when remembering how devoted he's been since they first met?

And just look at Hakuri's face here, he's beaming when Chihiro busts in to save him just like he believed he would:

Mostly, though, Chihiro is the one who gives Hakuri strength in the moment. The Ice Woman broke him free of his family's mentality, and now Chihiro gives Hakuri what he needs most: hope. Something he never had before, which doomed his relationship to the Ice Woman; he couldn't prove to her that there was more to life than despair because that was all he knew… but that completely changed once he met his samurai.

And that's been their thing through this arc. Each one is giving the other the vital thing they needed to grow and keep going. When Hakuri was struggling at the start, Chihiro was his guiding light towards a better future. And when Chihiro struggled in the aftermath of Tenri's cruel death, Hakuri pulled him along so they could finish the job. They're in perfect sync now as they take down the Rakuzaichi. Don't just take my word for it, check out Hokazono-sensei's color page for the most recent chapter (38): https://twitter.com/KaguraShiba/status/1804898273859445181 From Hella (KaguraShiba): >Kagurabachi Ch 38 JP Color Page 「阿吽の呼吸で薙ぎ払え」 "Two people dancing to the same beat, mowing down enemies" >阿吽の呼吸/"Aun no Kokyuu" Synchronized breathing >Or when people are the most in tune with each other >阿吽の呼吸/"Aun no Kokyuu" Is a Buddhist expression in Japanese meaning something close to "harmonizing in sync together" >"Aun" is also used to indicate an "Aun relationship", indicating an inherently harmonious relationship or nonverbal communication Yeesh. But holy shit it's paying off. In chapter 38 these boys are already in harmony- Hakuri registers Chihiro into his storehouse (yes they both "own" each other now) and sends him in to fight his father. During the fight Chihiro trusts Hakuri to interpret his intent and it works. Chihiro wordlessly tags a bunch of grenades with his spirit energy and Hakuri pulls them out into the real world to bomb the shit out of the Rakuzaichi audience. They didn't plan this beforehand- they had no idea Kyoura had fucking grenades laying around in there. But they're close enough to understand each other's thoughts already. Peak soulmate material right there!

What's got me most interested now, though, is how they will pull/push each other after this arc. Chihiro's going to be focused more than ever on tracking down his father's killer and the swords. But Hakuri, well… I think it would be very interesting if he starts to become a despair monster. A reflection of Chihiro's state at the very start of the manga where nothing mattered to him except exacting revenge. We're seeing shades of this in the most recent chapter (38) where he's slumped over and obviously depressed about how all this is turning out. He's going to end his family's cruel trade but at what cost to himself? Will Chihiro see some of himself in Hakuri and be able to help him out, or at least promise to find relief from the pain together? Obviously a Bad End where Hakuri takes himself out is in the cards given Hokazono-sensei's previous works but… on a meta level, I think his storehouse ability will keep him relevant. I mean yeah he could be used to slap Chihiro across the face by showing what a bad end for his revenge story could look like but I think (hope) that won't happen. [Note to future self: I give you permission to go batshit insane if Chihiro stops Hakuri from committing sudoku.]

And this is where my brain worms are coming from. In just under 20 chapters we have an extremely strong set up between them- so much room for them to teach each other; push to grow and pull back from the brink when tragedy strikes again.

But where's the real meat, you ask? The actual literary analysis in this gushing rant about how much I love these boys I barely know? Well, fine. Buckle up because it's time for some…

Daddy Issues The Rakuzaichi arc really digs into comparing Chihiro's affection for his dad to the Sazanami family structure. And I gotta talk about this because it's the key aspect that makes Hakuri such a brilliant foil.

First off, the similarities. Chihiro and the Sazanami kids are all intensely devoted to their fathers. All of them were raised with love while learning the intricacies of their family trade. We see the Sazanami kids getting praised for doing well, just like Chihiro. Hakuri and Tenri were even told they were special. During the arc, the Sazanami kids put their lives on the line to defend their dad and family legacy with zeal matched by Chihiro's intensity to avenge his dad. When he falls, Tenri's final words are apologizing to his father.

It's truly heartbreaking that the Sazanami's dad never loved them back.

You see, the Sazanamis are one of those families that put their lineage and craft over everything else. Every member of the family lives for ensuring the Rakuzaichi auction goes off without a hitch. One of the clan is chosen to inherit the storehouse and the rest are trained to defend it to the death. Kyoura, the current patriarch, has no compunctions about letting his son Tenri die just to delay Chihiro and the gang for a few more minutes. He had his kids put their lives on the line to defend a storehouse door that he had already broken in secret- making it completely useless. And he's equally cold when it comes to children who can't perform to standards like Hakuri. Once Hakuri (apparently) fails to manifest an ability for sorcery, Kyoura turns a willfully blind eye to the abuse his kid starts to suffer. He knowingly lets Hakuri be tortured by his older brother for years and does nothing, then disowns him once some "merchandise" kills herself in front of him. There's no love for children who can't be useful to the family's traditions. And any love that does exist between father and child is manipulated as seen here:

What the fuck man.

So Hakuri is going into this arc firm in his conviction to end his family's evil ways. He's been abused physically and emotionally for at least six years straight; he knows his father doesn't love him. And even now when he's about to bring the whole place down with Chihiro he's still yearning for his dad's praise. Hakuri's family is fucked up bad and he needs a hell of a lot of healing after all is said and done.

Meanwhile, every flashback with Chihiro shows us that he was truly loved and cared for like every kid deserves. His dad wasn't perfect but he was exactly what a parent should be- kind, understanding, and supportive. His goofy advice helps Chihiro to this day. Chihiro and his dad had a genuine father-son bond that was broken by tragedy and thus Chihiro's desire to do right by his father's memory is driven by grief, first and foremost. So when we see his expression after Tenri's death, we know why he's so badly shaken. They clashed out of love and duty for their fathers, supposedly prepared to pay the ultimate price. But the Sazanami version of "love" is a very different, much less wholesome version than the kind Chihiro knows… yet no less effective in terms of motivation.

You can practically hear his heart breaking for Tenri. And his inner thoughts in the next chapter say it all: he was naive to think he could enact revenge while holding fast to the kindness he grew up with. Chihiro's kindness that he learned from his father is a liability to him in this situation. Meanwhile, Hakuri knew from the start that he had to finally give up the last of his familial affection. He hardened his heart and steeled his resolve to do whatever it took.

Both Chihiro and Hakuri knew what it was like to be loved. Hakuri's version might have been twisted, but it was still painful to have that bond suddenly broken. And now we've seen Edgy Revenge Man's inner softness hold him back while Silly Soft Guy has a heart colder than the arctic. I go absolutely feral comparing and contrasting their situation and how their positions have reversed. Yeah, Chihiro's going to be the action guy who saves the day but Hakuri's the reason he can do it. Hakuri's surprisingly strong core has pushed Chihiro to put his feelings aside to get things done. I can't fucking wait to see how this arc ends and where these boys end up. What will the the most important thing Chihiro takes away from Hakuri here? I hope it leads him to be a bit more openly compassionate and soft around his allies- Hakuri's situation being a lesson in not letting your family's bonds overtake everything else. For Hakuri, well… I think being around Chihiro, Char, and the rest will help him heal. But I hope it's Chihiro that keeps him stable as the person that can relate to him best.

Meta Ramblings Whew. Now then… Yo dumbass writing this, we're not even 40 chapters in yet. Don't you think it's a bit too soon to start getting hyped for a character that could be shelved as soon as the arc is done?

It's interesting to see the themes and characters Hokazono-sensei's reused in Kagurabachi. From the four one-shots available to read, it seems like he's is interested in writing about characters encountering tragedy through various kinds of love. I think it's intriguing that three out of the four end in despair, and the one that doesn't still involves a fair bit of sadness. It's a bit early to say about Hakuri's circumstances since this is only the second proper arc in the series, but given Hokazono-sensei's past works, I think Hakuri is here to stay. For one, Hokazono-sensei seems to love his color-coded foils (Chain, Enten, Roku no Meiyaku). Farewell! Cherry Boy also explores the circumstances of a blindly loyal boy who feels useless being given his first chance to prove himself… I think this is a theme that Hokazono-sensei is revisiting in a more in-depth fashion with Hakuri, so there's a good chance there's more planned.

And just for fun, if we want to look at his romance stories… Madogiwa de Amu is all about one person being the other's greatest hope, their reason to persevere in the face of hardship and seeing that reciprocated in turn. Complete with the weaker person becoming strong enough to protect the person who inspired them first. Hmm. (Hopefully it doesn't end the same way though 'cause man, I can see Hakuri doing something similar right now…) It's also not impossible for Kagurabachi to touch on love given we see Farewell! Cherry Boy incorporating love as the crux of the narrative, despite starting as a gangster story. The true MC is quite like Chihiro as well in terms of motivation and action plan.

I also think it's impossible to overstate how important it is for Chihiro to have a friendly peer to compare to, narratively speaking. Char is a woobie, Shiba's an uncle figure, and Hiyuki is set up to be the aggro rival/frenemy. Hinao could become more than a side character but it seems unlikely at this time. Chihiro needs someone his own age to just be himself with. And that, I am 99% sure, will be Hakuri. A guy who's suffered just as much as he has. Someone who knows what it's like to have a famous last name and lineage to protect. An equal who's unquestionably on his side, who will lift him up when he's down, will need some protection and care. So yes I think Hakuri will be sticking around to be Chihiro's foil. He might take a back seat at times as heroines do, but he'll still be there to support our sad boi through thick and thin.

Anyway that's why I'm ready to jump feet-first into this ship. It's got all the hallmarks of a wonderfully strong bond and I hope we get to see these boys comforting each other for years to come. If you read all this… thank you? Maybe get yourself checked for brain worms? And tell everyone you know to read this amazing action-packed tragedy laced with BL crack cocaine.

[dolcid]

Cute Little Ferret Boy ▪︎ Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Harry's Twin Sister! Slytherin!Reader

Summary: When Draco is turned into a Ferret, his S/O is there to help him out.

Warnings: established relationship, tad bit of violence if you count Moody turning Draco into a ferret violence lol, canon divergence, bullying maybe? nothing else??? Idk, lmk if I'm missing anything

A/N: was inspired by this post lol

~

Sitting at a bench in the courtyard of Hogwarts, you were finishing up your charms homework. Draco was there too, sitting in a tree for merlin knows what. He always made sure he had an eye on you somehow. He'd never be too far away, as he wanted to be sure no one was messing with you. Since you were the twin of the famous Harry Potter, a lot of the students at hogwarts loved to tease you for it. Draco had been one of them too at a point in time, but once he realized you two had more in common than anyone he's ever met at the school, he fell in love. Apologizing for his actions, Draco was simply whipped by you. Now he was the one defending you from those teases, even from your brother and his friends. Harry may have been your twin, but that didn't mean you got along. Ever since you came to Hogwarts all the attention was on him, and he enjoyed it. Never once sparing you a glance. His ego was certainly fueled by the fact that he had friends, got good grades, was in Gryffindor, and wasn't affected by all the trauma you both shared. You were happy he wasn't affected by it like you were, but also envious of his ability to overcome it so easily. It wasn't that easy for you, which is why you were here now. In Slytherin, had no friends, struggled with all classes and was merely the "Girl Who Cried" most people didn't even bother to learn your name, only knowing you as Potter's twin sister. It was dreadful really. But Draco made up for the lack of normalcy you wanted. Needed. You'd pray that Harry would see you as a person someday too.

Shaking your head, you attempt to bring your thoughts back to the charms homework you were struggling with. But it was to no avail, you couldn't focus with so many students bristling about. And to make it worse, your brother and his friends just walked in. You visibly tense, not going unnoticed by Draco, who swiftly drops from the tree he was perched in and made his way over to you, not before motioning to his friends to watch your brother. He knew how you felt about Harry. How he never stood up for you like a sibling should. Placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, Draco smiles down at you gently.

"How's the homework coming along?" He asks, voice soft and friendly, a voice only you heard. You smiled up at him, sighing and placing your quill down.

"Could be better," you grovel, blowing a stray hair out of your face. Draco smirks, teasingly.

"I told you, you could ask me for help darling," he says, swiftly sliding into the seat beside you. You groan.

"I know, I just wanted to try on my own first." Draco rubs your lower back encouragedly.

"I'm proud of you for trying,"

As Draco places a gentle kiss to your temple, rustling is heard coming your way. You both look up to see Harry, looking awfully mad.

"Can I help you Potter?" Draco asked, his hand finding yours. You tensed once more, hating the feeling of Harry's eyes on you.

"Yeah, you can stay away from my sister!"

Oh boy you thought. Harry always made sure to harass Draco when he was with you, always putting on a show for the other mindless students that watched. He didn't care truly, you could tell by his eyes. He only wanted to provoke Draco, hoping he would do something stupid and get detention, or worse. Expelled.

You breathe in sharply, staring down at your homework as Draco rolls eyes pale eyes.

"Oh now you care?" Draco sighs audibly.

"We've been over this Potter, you can't make me stop seeing your sister. You're lucky to even call yourself her brother," Draco argued, his hand squeezing yours gently. Harry visibly grew angrier, causing both you and Draco to stand off the bench. This wasn't good...

Draco protectively pulled you against him, sneering at Harry as he got closer.

"Stay back if you know what's good for you, Potter." Draco threatened. Harry merely chuckled.

"If I did what was good for me, my sister would be out of the picture. She's merely a bother, a nobody," Harry spoke, a smirk present on his face.

The next few moments seemed to have stilled, as if somebody had casted a time slowing charm. Draco pulled out his wand, Harry following suit. You panicked and attempted to stop Draco, but before you could, a spell flew at Draco, seemingly turning him into the small white blonde ferret now on the ground beside you.

Suddenly professor Moody emerged from a corridor, his wand aimed at your boyfriend.

"Stop!" You tried to reason, but your wails were thrown to deaf ears. Harry smiled mischievously as Moody started to toss the ferret around in the air, nearly shoving him down his friends pants before you intervened.

"I said Stop!" You shouted, grabbing the ferret and the attention of everyone around you. You panicked again however, quickly turning on your heels and running into the castle, the ferret still in your arms. You made it to the slytherin common room before you attempted to catch your breath, hoping you were far away enough that no one had followed you. Your attention was soon turned to the small ferret in your arms, or more so your boyfriend. You sighed gently and held him close, apologizing to him softly. The ferret squeaked and seemingly understood you, his nose nuzzling into your cheek. You smiled and brushed your hand threw his hair.

"Let's hope this spell wears off soon hm?" You spoke, giggling as the ferret tickled your neck.

Entering the common room, you immediately went to Draco's dorm, as it was where you two would spend most of your time together. Mostly to keep out of the public's eye. It was basically your room at this point too, you slept there, kept clothes there, did homework there, etc. It was bigger than your actual dorm too so that was a plus.

Sitting on your shared bed, you set the ferret down gently, watching as he looked at you curiously. You hesitantly pull out your wand, looking it over before turning to him.

"I don't know if I can help you, I don't want to hurt you," the ferret squeaked, running into your lap.

"Is that a no?" You laughed.

"Maybe we should just wait it out, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something bad happened to you." You spoke, shuddering at the thought. Staring at him fondly, you began to pet him again, finally being able to get a good look at him.

"I must say, you are awfully cute for a ferret," you tease, the ferret merely sighing in response. You giggle and continue to pet him, laying back onto the bed and lying him beside you, on your pillow.

"Why don't we just sleep it off? That'll certainly make it wear off sooner," the ferret seemed to agree, curling up on himself and nustling into your neck.

"I agree." You laugh, taking off your circular glasses and setting them on the dresser nearby.

"I love you Draco, have sweet little ferret dreams," you tease one last time, placing a soft kiss to his head.

When you awoke, it was dark out and the room was cold. You shivered, attempting to curl in on yourself but stopped when you felt a hand on your waist. Remembering the events from earlier, you rubbed the crust from your eyes and turned around, seeing a mop of blonde hair, and his familiar black and green robes. You breathed out a sigh of relief, thankful to see the spell had warn off. Even though Draco was still asleep, you couldn't help but wrap your arms around him, relieved to have his safe, warm, comforting presence back. He woke and automatically hugged back, as if his body knew what to do. He then stilled, flexing his hands. He opened his eyes and inspected himself, sighing in relief as well. Before you could say anything however, Draco had his lips on yours, scrambling any sort of thought you had. He pulled back and rested his forehead to yours.

"That's for saving me. Thank you darling,"

He kissed you once more, his hand pulling you by the waist, closer to him.

"You saved me too, thank you Draco. I love you."

A/N: soooooo what do you think? Lol. I always have a hard time writing x readers for some reason, but I actually had fun this time. Lmao. Reblogs appreciated, and please, let me know your thoughts! <3

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ok so like objectively yes ed did things wrong but not only do i personally feel no negative emotions about any of that, i swear it would make more sense tonally with the rest of the show to NOT make a huge chunk of s2 be about ed facing the consequences for and redeeming himself from the marooning/pushing lucius overboard/izzy toe thing. like if im wrong i’m wrong and it’s whatever but i really really think the focus will be more on ed’s internal emotional state and how his choices were informed by trauma and how he’s going to learn to heal more than it’s gonna be like, Ed Learns It’s Wrong To Maroon People And Force Feed People Their Own Toes. like if anything i think it’ll be Ed Learns That He Deserves To Be Happy And He Also Realizes That Marooning People And Force Feeding People Their Own Toes Is An Unhealthy Coping Skill That Negatively Affects His Mental Health And He Learns New, Healthier Coping Strategies. like i think the focus of coming out of the kraken era is going to be almost entirely on ed’s feelings, and any mention of how his actions harmed the rest of the cast will be brief and/or it’ll primarily be played for comedy

which yes irl this would kinda suck to have some guy respond to getting his heart broken (and other stuff) by killing and maiming people and then have his whole journey of self-discovery be solely abt him and not any of the people he’s hurt. HOWEVER a biiiiiig part of the humor of the show is that the characters are experiencing some very real and very relatable self-esteem issues and insecurities and vulnerabilities, and all of that is placed on a backdrop of comedically gratuitous pirate violence. like this is a romcom and ed is basically going through the classic emotional beats of the romcom heroine getting her heart broken and eating a whole tub of ice cream and crying in her room for days before becoming cold and distant and “love is dead” edgy, only the joke is that bc he’s a pirate his “love is dead” romcom era includes some people actually literally dying. izzy and the crew all just happen to be in the blast radius for this joke, and while we as fans might love and care abt those characters too, the plain fact is that ed and stede are the main characters and the other characters’s feelings or storylines or internal motivations simply do not matter nearly as much to the show as theirs (with the exception of maybe jim, and also maybe olu depending on how s2 goes). and that’s literally just how romcoms work. this sort of “protagonist bias” is like, a core part of this kind of story.

and there’s nothing wrong with not vibing with the story because of that. if season two comes and goes and you aren’t happy with how the show handled the consequences of ed’s actions in e10 that’s fine, nobody has to feel any specific way about this show. but if i’m right and this is how s2 plays out and some of y’all don’t like this, the problem is not that ofmd is bad. the problem is just that this is not the story you wanted or expected to be told.

i DO think, tho, that there’s something very powerful abt a character like this being a queer indigenous man. he’s a gay romcom protagonist and narratively speaking his feelings trump all. this is a queer romcom that uses gratuitous slapstick violence as a punchline and where the queer main characters are allowed to get violent and unhinged about their feelings, and at the end of the day they ultimately get a pass bc it’s a gay romcom and the show is about them. like literally that description itself is more than i could’ve ever dreamed of from any tv show ever, and THEN you’re telling me that one of the main characters is indigenous???? it’s been a year and a half and s2 is right around the corner and i swear to god i still can’t believe this show actually exists. we don’t GET shows like this, we don’t GET characters like this. ed teach is such a fucking blessing of a character and i love him with all my heart.

[aloeverified]

boruto rewrite where the show actually still focuses on the original characters from naruto, but we're seeing them face their struggles that come with being adults in the society they live in and after going through what they did. their children are also in the show and we're given their perspective on the events compared to their parents'.

the overall plot revolves around naruto trying to change the shinobi system. he knows first hand how terrible the repercussions are when children are forced to be soldiers, and now that he's the hokage, he finally has the power to change it.

the only problem is, not everyone agrees with him. many believe by changing the age that shinobi begin their training, they won't be as strong later on and the village will become weaker over the years. not only that, but some people just don't understand why naruto feels this way. they were shinobi all their life and they turned out just fine — why fix what isn't broken?

it causes conflict within the cast and allows us to delve into each character more, showing why they feel the way they do and how their experiences have built up to the person they are.

besides that, other characters get their own storylines as well that connect with the theme of recovering from trauma.

gaara realizes that he's only ever lived for his village — as a soldier, a weapon, the kazekage. he works himself to the bone for his village while ignoring his basic needs, still having not realized he's a human just like everyone else. when he gets shinki, he realizes what it's like to prioritize something; what it's like to nurture and love.

sakura works at a hospital for young shinobi, doubling as both a healer and a therapist of sorts. she listens to the children tell their stories and gives them a shoulder to try on. she saw what being alone did to her teammates and she doesn't want any other child to go through what they did.

during her time at the hospital, she slowly begins to see pieces of herself within her patients. her trauma, which she's always pushed away and ignored, starts to come out. she's forced to face these memories she's always tried to bury deep. she struggles with understanding it as well as feeling validated compared to what naruto and sasuke had to go through.

she also struggles with her marriage to sasuke as she starts to unpack all the terrible things he's done to her. she's knows why he did them and she can justify his actions as much as she wants, but it doesn't change the fact he traumatized and tried to kill her at one point.

hinata's would focus on the hyuga. she's an outsider to them without any power. when she was stripped of her title and allowed to marry naruto, she thought it was a dream come true. she was so confident that hanabi would change the clan, that the branch system would be destroyed and neji wouldn't have died in vain.

only, without hinata, hanabi began to crack under the pressure of the elders and her father until she became just like them. the seal system is still in place, the branch families are still treated as servants.

it's a lot about generational trauma. how no matter how much hinata tried to change things for hanabi, she was always destined to fall into the same path as her father. only by recognizing this and making the changes her family refused to do in the past, are they able to change things.

i think there could also be something about how once, a long time ago, hiashi had wanted to change the hyūga. he wanted to dispel the main/side branch family system so his brother could be free. but overtime, he became complacent — very similar to hanabi.

as for the kids, i would show the differences between them based on how their parents feel about them being raised as soldiers.

for example, shikatema would have no problem with the shinobi system (at first) and their child would be entered into the academy and ready to become a ninja.

boruto, however, was raised by parents who want to change the system and hate the senseless violence, therefore he was not enrolled. this causes him to have some resentments for his parents as he's in the minority of children who aren't attending the ninja academy. he's viewed as a weak and soft-hearted by his companions and he hates it. maybe he goes against his parents and attends the academy in secret somehow.

there's a lot you can do with each character, honestly. i won't go further into it unless asked, but here's my main thoughts. i have a lot of idea with how to conclude the arcs as well, but i'm not sure how people would feel about it.

gaara stepping down as kazekage and leaving suna, sakura divorcing sasuke as she realized she never truly loved him romantically, hinata becoming the hyūga head/disbanding the hyūga, etc. many ideas.

[mexipoopy]

On Repeat - OC Tag Stuff

I was tagged by @acidheaddd to do this and AH thank you I've been mulling over this A LOT and it really made me think hard on my OCs and their stories. Credits to @elderwisp(a cool guy) for the idea.

OK! Onto the LORE

Ai [FSU -BigKlit]

1 shot, 2 shot, 3 shot, 4 Fuck it up, I wanna see the bodies hit the floor 5 shot, 6 shot, 7 shot, 8 We don't give a fuck, we burning down the whole place Fuck shit up, I wanna fuck shit up, I wanna fuck shit up

Rage, rage, rage. That's definitely a word to describe this guy. Ai is very aggressive due to good old trauma~* but despite his violent tendencies he's full of highly energized spite and fun, so this song encapsulates his personality pretty accurately with its fast pace and aggressive lyrics. A fist with a bright shining smile to accompany it.

Marisol [Holy Weather -Civil Twilight]

It’s not too late to go home Passion is this weight on my shoulders So why did you follow me into this den When all the bluest stars paint your name In a sky of black You must go back

Are you lost little soul? Marisol is a bit of a wanderer, who lets her curiosity dictate her actions. But where that curiosity leads her is full of a darkness that beckons her soul to light her path. She is constantly told to turn back by many colorful characters, despite this, she persists. There is a particular entity who crosses paths with her soul and is unable to escape her tenacity. This song with its regretful lyrics and soft instrumentals, parallel the dynamic of her affect on those around her especially the one that holds her soul closest to theirs and the consequences that happen because of it.

Isaiah [Daydreaming -Radiohead]

Beyond the point Of no return Of no return Then it's too late The damage is done The damage is done This goes Beyond me Beyond you

Liminal. Inhuman. Existence. Isaiah, if that is his true identity, is an individual full of whimsical mysteries and questions. What happens when a person dies, and who will lead us into the afterlife? Will the reaper come to aid us in our desperate confusion upon our passing? Where will you go? This song, compels the listener to wander and be lured by its ethereal instrumentals and the darkness that looms around it, much like how the darkness and uncertainty of death lingers among the living.

Jasper [You Don't Own Me -Tamino]

You may keep me hеre You seem to know just how To pin me to the ground Each timе you come around Take away my home Obscuring what I am And plague me all night long And lay claim to freedom's song

What good is greed if you don't possess yourself? Even the strongest can fall folly to abusive, parasitic relationships. Jasper, even in his conception was never meant to enjoy the freedom of individuality. Being a prisoner inside his own body and shackled by family ties and a predatory lover that only wishes to possess him, his autonomy is never of his own volition. Still, his soul persists, fighting and gnashing at every opportunity to break free from those that hold him captive. This song is one of rebelling to that which wants to possess and control you, which bears a haunting resemblance to Jasper's own struggles.

Anabelle [Do You Feel Real -Sevdaliza]

I thought I'd heal from you Or you'd escaped from me Maybe I'm too scared to forget you I just can't remember how it feels like to function without Absorbed in total free fall It's a waste of time It's not that serious

My void is one that comforts and cures a loneliness that it causes. What do you do when the only thing that comforts you is the presence of evil? When that is all that you are used to? Anabelle was born spreading death and misery wherever she went. But why? Is it the shadow that follows her and protects her as everything else withers away? Accompanied by low and drawn out instrumentals, the lyrics of this song perpetuate a relationship that is parasitic and addictive in nature, one that you thought you overcame but it persists. Anabelle craves love from the living and dreads the darkness that lingers and keeps her isolated. Still, she is plagued by her need to have it close or else her loneliness will destroy her.

Ira [Daisy -Brand New]

I'm a mountain that has been moved I'm a river that is all dried up I'm an ocean nothing floats on I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot I'm a moon that never shows its face I'm a mouth that doesn't smile I'm a word that no one ever wants to say

I am nothing. I crave to become everything. Ira is an anomaly. He exists but in a plane that no living creature can exist, all he knows, he knows from a dream that connects to his. She is beautiful, living, while he is nothing. Envy feeds his hunger, but nothing ever happens. HE shouldn't exist, yet he does. A paradox, much like the message of this song. The dream persists and reminds him that he should exist. But why is he here and not there? Maybe she can help him become real, and not a dream.

_________________________________

AND that's it for that lol! I have way more characters that I have music for (but i don't have official finalized sim versions of them) so i just included these guys for now, I could include my Envidia story characters but i felt like this post is pretty long as it is sajkfa my bad. LOL all my song choices are existential/depressing save for Ai, because he's built different lol.

[1000sunnygo]

One piece 1098

Oda.. What do you mean you've created a girl who escaped slavery then thrown her back to the hell and worse, for TWO years, being kidnapped right before the day that she eagerly looked forward to. This chapter is going to haunt me for days

Regardless of her small screentime, Ginny is not a nobody. She's essentially the mastermind of God Valley incident. She saved lives including Kuma's and never left his side - wishing to be his 'big sis' after Iva left. The feeling transformed to love as they grew older, but she had always been there to protect him. But thinking about it, Kuma couldn't reciprocate it the same way did he.

Ginny was Kuma's opposite - he'd hesitate, she'd jump into action. She knew she loved kuma and proposed him. She saw him being imprisoned and went to bite back the King. She was bringing a balance to Kuma's life that fell apart after she left. Ginny came to save Kuma time and time again, but in the two years of her kidnap, Kuma gave up on her.

"we raised hell to free you, Kumachi", opposing "I thought I'd never see you again." There's a clear difference between their mindsets.

Kuma became violent yes. But so far we haven't seen any hint that he teleported to Mariejeoise. There's already a record set by Fisher Tiger so it wasn't beyond the realm of possibilities, but Kuma was probably trapped by his trauma and abusive upbringing. He didn't think Ginny would be alive because his mother died.

But Ginny never gave up, she had remained firm with her convictions till the end. She loved a person and the child had genes of her abuser, but she carried the baby and gave birth to her, named her. Ginny was not a person who'd abandons someone.

She realized that sunlight would kill her, but she set sail alone and correctly navigated back to the church. Back to the home they once used to live in before they joined the revolutionaries. The place and its happy memories that probably never left her mind in the two years. The church is the place where she found her solace after her childhood slavery. She wanted her daughter to grow there, she wanted it to be her own grave.

What Ginny gave up on was Kuma's love. She knew he'd worry, she looked hideous and felt that she has no right to face him. "Don't you dare come here" - How prude of her to bloat about wanting to marry him, make him happy, to protect him - and then leave for two years and return with a baby? She knew he'd still love her, but she had no right to expect anything from him, for herself or her child.

"Tell the kind Kumachi, that I've always always loved him."

Kuma had always saved civilians from their miseries. She appreciated Kuma's benevolence.

But it doesn't make Ginny any less kind. For she had something Kuma lacked in his younger days. To fight tooth and nail for the ones that are important, and to never give up.

[lady-embers]

I think a lot of people continuously overlook the GOOD Nesta did during the series and only focus on her "hateful attitude". Sometimes actions show more than words and Nesta is an action girly.

ACOTAR- She tried to protect Feyre in the market. She went after Feyre when Tamlin took her. She essentially told Feyre to go and save Tamlin and not to worry about them. She was ready to marry someone to help have one less mouth to feed for Feyre. She chopped wood for two days in a row.

Also, I think this quote is important from book 1 from Feyre about Nesta:

"I looked at my sister, really looked at her, at this woman who couldn't stomach the sycophants who now surrounded her, who had never spent a day in the forest but had gone into wolf territory.... Who had shrouded the loss of our mother, then our downfall, in icy rage and bitterness, because the anger had been a lifeline, the cruelty a release. But she HAD cared - beneath it, she had cared, and perhaps, loved more fiercely than I could comprehend, more deeply and loyally."

ACOMAF - She wasn't in here much but both her and Elain opened their home to Feyre and the IC for the war purposes when they were taught their whole life to be scared/fear the fae and ended up turned against their will for their efforts which is incredibly traumatic.

ACOWAR - Nesta helped with the Queens and the High Lords. She helped Feyre and the whole Raven attack thingy. She participated in the war and almost died trying to save Cassian and then beheaded Hybern. She then helped tend to the wounded and dieing. She really had no time to sort through her own trauma during this time either since she was looking after comatose Elain and in a place where she didn't want to be.

ACOFAS - We see her drowning in her trauma. She can't even take baths (which Feyre had said in ACOWAR she'd help with as she never thought about how the Cauldron affected them). She is invited to party with rent money held over her head (despite the fact she had a job as human emissary during the war so where is the money promised to her from accepting that job from Rhysand?) While there, Feyre remarks how uncomfortable Nesta is but doesn't both to wonder why, and come to find out fire bothers her because it reminds her of her father's neck snapping RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. Cassian runs after her and even though she wants to be alone she's hounded and is seen as the bad guy for not taking his gift. A gift he proceeds to throw away, like a child, into the water because she didn't take it...At this point she just wanted to be left alone and they kept hounding her and not respecting boundaries she was putting up.

ACOSF - She is still drowning..she is forced into the HOW (feyre said she'd be tied and thrown there essentially so it wasn't really a choice) where she has to walk down 10,000 steps (which she physically/mentally/emotionally could not do so she was essentially a prisoner since no help was offered by feyre and Amren own words and let's not forget those same steps were used as punishment for Rhysand and the bat boys)..she starts training though and finds her own found family in Gwyn and Emerie. She helps the IC multiple times with things in ACOSF to and even saves Rhysand, Feyre, and Nyx very lives. She even says sorry to Feyre and Feyre doesn't hold anything against Nesta, not even telling her about the babies wings because at least she told her. We also find out she tried to write letters to others to help during their poverty times and her boots weren't as new as Feyre made then out to be showing Feyre as an unreliable/biased narrator.

All in all, I wouldn't say Nesta is an absolutely terrible horrible nasty person that is beyond redemption or forgiveness.

She is a woman who has been traumatized from a very young age starting with her mother/grandmother to being turned fae to PTSD from war/her father and doesn't know how to cope so she lashes out (which is a VALID TRAUMATIC RESPONSE) to push others away because she HATES herself more than anyone else does. She knew lashing out was wrong but didn't have the tools/upbringing to know healthy responses. It's really not until Gwyn and Emerie came along and showed her UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that she began to change and learn better and new healthy coping mechanism to let go of the bad ones.

Now, I'm not saying her trauma response was good or acceptable or excusable, but I do think she deserves some grace and compassion given all she's been through herself. Trauma is not a comparison game after all and we all experience and cope differently. Just like these characters.

Artist is Crisol Crowling or crisolcrowling on IG!

[mahi-wayy]

Bitch dont tell me you haven't done a headcanon for our boy naidu!!

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 | 𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑨 𝑵𝑨𝑰𝑫𝑼

• General • Romantic [both. sfw and nsfw]

A/n : seriously how did I miss him-

I - GENERAL

he is everything 😭

that was dramatic because so is everything in his life.

the official babysitter of the elites.

anger issues. he was so prone to violent episodes from his childhood.

became calmer over the time.

you know that one person who you befriend for work and then the person refuses to leave you alone at any cost? that's prince and his dynamic.

he is SO DONE with the amount of bullshit decisions the actor makes in a week nevermind a month or god forbid a year.

him and lara share a clint-natasha type of relationship.

he met her under a job. she was blackmailing the son of a politician under desperation and he ended up helping her out instead of beating her up or something and she stuck by him since then.

she is not in love with him she is gay my dudes but she will break your face if you even breathe wrong in his direction.

sirini is more on the big brother side since he was the one to help him grab the hold of things when he started.

always breaking up petty bickering between sirini and lara.

had nightmares for longest time until he developed insomnia. especially of naga coming out of prison to kill him.

now coming to topic that makes like 80% of his personality. the trauma.

was the 'good. sensible. responsible.' kid growing up.

naga just about always left him to deal with brothers, sister and mother.

developed a practical-problem solving thinking very early in his life.

has bad anxiety, self worth issues and depression.

his anxiety/panic attacks are of the worst kind. he hates them.

had one after he confronted naga in tej's studio that night.

can't sleep most of time so he drinks in hopes of passing out. this worked out well until he built a tolerance for alcohol.

his depressive episodes include him sitting in one place and literally getting stuck in his own mind.

he is obsessed with training in gym and getting better at fighting because he will die before he lets anyone die from his family again or let someone harm them in anyway.

panics when things don't go his way.

when he panics he gets violent.

cheated because he was backed into a corner, not saying it was not wrong, saying he was pretty much angered to do it and isn't the type to cheat.

can't eat a lot at once. he gets sick since he grew up eating less to let his siblings and mother have his share mostly.

crashes at tej's studio more than his other apartment.

that apartment is for when he is going through it can't pretend to be okay infront of everyone anymore.

was unfazed when he killed someone for the first time.

his most brutal kill is him beating a man to death with bare hands.

doesn't even try to see eye to eye with arjun let alone naga.

TRUST ISSUES.

selective mutisim as trauma response.

II - ROMANTIC

won't make the first move because issues.

wouldn't trust the person 'loving' him.

actions over words.

talks less but loves to listen to his partner yapping

expensive gifts.

regular in home dates.

can and does cook for his partner.

when he can he sleeps as the big spoon.

NSFW

definitely a dom.

being soft or rough totally depends on his mood.

loves eating his partner out. can do it for hours on end.

likes tying them up.

loves overestimulating them.

isn't very vocal but does growl and groan.

sensitive neck and thighs.

----

tags : @mayakimayahai @warnermeadowsgirl @vijayasena @voidsteffy @jkdaddy01 @rambheem-is-real @allari-ammayi @mellaga-karagani @ulaganayagi @ahamasmiyodhah