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just-some-random-blogger · 3 years

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NCT Philosophy Student!Lee Donghyuck (Heachan) x Statistics Student!Reader Summary: Life is pretty depressing when you live knowing your days are numbered. Alternatively, life is pretty lit when you live knowing your days are numbered. Donghyuck is in right in the middle of both. Word Count: 21k+ Warnings: Fem!Reader, Kun x Reader (?), Enemies to lovers, mentions of death, terminal illness, suicide, LOTS OF DARK HUMOR, self depreciating jokes, dry humor, university/college au, frat boyz!NCT, drinking, smoking, cussing, typos, angst, fluff, slow burn, graphic smut/sexual themes, awkward first time, low key scamming, appealing to emotions, did i mention angst, i cried writing this yall HAHA good luck, typos, etc.

A/N: Clearly from the tags, you can tell one of them is sick (its heachan lol its not a spoiler) I denounce any illness to ever actually happen to my baby boy i love him so much i wish he lives a long healthy live AMEN periodt. I am also in no way making light of cancer or any illness. I wrote this knowing only surface level or second hand experience about real life experiences with terminal illnesses and with the thought that this might cheer someone up. do not read this is you are not comfortable with the premise. ALSO THERE ARE A LOT OF SCENE JUMPS OK BYe GEEZ I CRIED AS I WROTE THE END PART

yo i edited this twice because it didnt save RIP, but actually i think it came out better now also i made two moodboards, what are you gonna do about it, punk?

Listen to Rose by D.O

To you I offer Eternity;

I was by the bay with one of my favorite people. We were on a bench. I was sitting, she was laid down. The ocean breeze felt cool, and the ocean waves sounded calming. The said person speaks softly to me, "Can you tell me a story?"

I turn to the child whose head was on my lap. She pouts the cute way she always does while I clarify, "what kind of story?"

"One with daddy."

"Ah," I stroke her hair, "I think I told you all the stories I have with your father."

"But I like your stories!"

“Sorry Poppy,” I say, “I don’t have any other stories to tell you.”

She pouts again and hums, “what about your favorite story?"

"My favorite story? Well, I thought of one, but it's a pretty long. Do you want to hear it?"

“Yes!”

“Are you sure? It gets kind of sad.”

"I'm sure! I'm sure!"

I shake my head and chuckle, "okay, well it starts on one ordinary school day."

"Hey," I say to my classmate in an awfully bright colored orange hoodie. He was holding a lollipop stick to his mouth. "Can I sit next you?" I ask, although I would say my tone wasn't really much of a question.

He raises a brow and shrugs. I notice the sheen on his lips and figure it couldn’t possibly be from the sugar from his candy. He must put on some lip balm. I mean, we love moisture lips. Good for him.

He pulls the lollipop out quickly and places it right back after answering, "don't give a shit."

I pull my head back. Oooh, right in the 10 o'clock subject. Didn't know Donghyuck had an attitude.

I feel the right corner of my lip curl in amusement. I place my stuff down on the desk beside him. "I didn't peg the quiet nerd to be so snarky."

He shoots me a glare, "says the nerd who happens to be the teacher's pet."

"Oh, so you do know we've shared classes before. Two, well, 3, counting this one."

"Four. You wouldn't fucking shut up during literature."

I smile, "aw, how sweet of you to notice."

Donghyuck raises his brows at that. I pull out my notes, my colored pens, and my highlights. He observes the structure of my writing for a moment and I can’t help but feel proud of it. I had, I would say, 10/10 notes.

He leans on his desk and bites on his candy, making an audible crunching sound, "stop talking to me, nerd."

I turn to him, "Hey, that's on you for interpreting nerd negatively. Nerds are all the rage now, having comicon, cosplaying...DnD, all catered to them.”

Donghyuck pulls what's left of his sugary stick out and continues to chew, all the while narrowing his eyes at me. I continue, "also, don't you eat lollipops every day? Diabetes is gonna kill ya."

He chuckles dryly, "good thing I'm already dying."

When he looks away, I follow, smiling to myself, "dang, I like you."

Donghyuck's eyes dart from his me to our Chem teacher, Mr. Wong.

When the bell rings, I'm surprised by how quick Donghyuck manages out the door. I curse under my breath and shove my things into my backpack. I call out to him, "wait!"

But of course, nothing is easy in this world, and he keeps walking.

I manage to catch up with him in the hallway, clearly to his disappointment. He spots me as he steals a glance from over his shoulder and groans. He speeds up, only to have me jog up next to him.

"Wait up! This is no way to flex that you’re just a tiny bit taller than me."

He abruptly freezes, surprising me into an ungraceful pause. He places his hands on his hips and sighs, "Am I a joke to you?"

I make a face and an oooh sound, "I like that meme too. I send it to my-" "Stop fucking following me!" he barks, raising his voice. It was honestly unexpected. I felt the burn in my cheeks after that and the stares of people passing by. It wasn't so much that I was embarrassed, it's just that it really kind of came from no where.

Alright, to be fair, I didn't really know this kid, so I didn't really know what to expect.

But true to my nature, as he glared at me before walking away, I kinda fell for him. Not in like a oh-my-gosh-marry-me kind of way, more like dang-I-haven't-had-my-blood-pumping-like-this-since-forever kind of way.

Clearly, the game plan from then on was simple. Get the dirt on Lee Donghyuck.

...wait, his last name was Lee right?

"Right," Jaemin pointed at me as I smiled at Kun for opening my yogurt. I give Kun a quick arm cuddle as he mixes his ramen in his tupperware next to me. One thing you should know about Kun is that all his lunch is prepared at home, which is why I can never dare to eat too much of anything processed around him, lest I hear his wrath.

Jaemin, who was sat in front of us, continued, "he too is a philosophy major like moi."

I shudder and make a gagging sound.

Kun scolds me without batting an eye, "don’t act like a child."

“Why would I when I detest them?”

“So dramatic,” Kun mumbles.

I stick out my tongue and go back to my original train of thought, "I think I have PTSD over that. The P standing for Philosophy traumatic stress disorder. It's just so mind-fucking."

"Says the stat major!" Jaemin blurts in offence, pulling a nasty side eye.

"Hey, there is a refined beauty in complex arithmetic and it's so darn satisfying when everything simplifies to zero," I make a face as I smile and take a bite of my yogurt and pre-cut apples I had prepared in a duckie themed lunch box. "Wouldn't you agree, Mr. Honor Roll?" I turn to my best friend.

Kun gives us both a knowing look and nods silently in agreement.

It was Jaemin's turn to shudder, "the human brain truly is such a wonder."

I raise a hand at him, "hey, remember, I'll do your stats, you do my philo."

Jaemin takes my extended hand and shakes it, "deal."

Kun quickly swallows the ramen he was chewing, "no one is doing anyone else's homework! Not in this household."

I give him a sour look and humor him with a rapid nod. I then turn to Jaemin, then asking him what I was actually interested in, "so, Lee Donghyuck. What's his deal?"

For a second, Jaemin thinks, "well, he's usually snarky but otherwise pretty quiet. He's actually a frat memb..."

Jaemin falls into silence. I give him a moment but get impatient halfway through. I raise a brow at Jaemin's trailing tone, "what gives?"

"Dude..." he says in a softer tone compared to his prior one, "did you make a diabetes joke at him?" Jaemin asks, face falling into seriousness.

"Why? Does he have diabetes?"

Jaemin releases a breath, "he has cancer."

Kun and I pull back at the information. For a second, I debate whether Jaemin meant the star sign, but based on the look on his face, I'm pretty sure he meant the illness. Also, he as far as I remembered, his philosopher's ass detests astrology n' stuff. Oh, and right, he says has cancer and not is a cancer. Good job, me.

"Woah," I say in shock, "he really wasn't kidding about dying."

Kun quicky snaps at me and calls my name out in a warning. There is a thick and tense silence between us. Well, about as silent as it gets in a full cafeteria.

I look at my apple slices and take one. I dip it my yogurt at point it at Jaemin, "I still think he's pretty cool though."

Kun turns to me with an incredulous look, "You missed the part where you say you're going to apologize to him for being insensitive,"

I turn to him, "How could I be insensitive when I was just being myself?"

Kun looks at me like a grew another head.

I roll my eyes, "I didn't know he had cancer."

Jaemin makes a pained face and hisses, "babe, that's literally what insensitive means."

"Listen, Webster Dictionary, the only person that should be schooling me for word meanings is someone who actually studies words." I catch a woman in a cute lil’ plaid skirt walking over to us. I pat the table and motion at her, "much like the lit student."

She gives her kilowatt smile, repeating, "lit student?"

Jaemin turns to the said person and smiles back, standing and giving her a quick peck on her lips, "hi baby.”

"What were you talking about?" she asks.

I ignore her question and point, "Sana, I think you should know your boyfriend is cheating on you. He called me babe a while ago, supposedly to prove a point, but I know he was just trying to get into my pants.”

Kun rolls his eyes. Jaemin sighs. Sana pouts the cute way she always does and turns from me to her boyfriend, "is that true, Nana?"

"No, she was just asking me about a classmate," he starts. Jaemin then whispers something in her ears, which makes Sana cover her face, giggle, and smack Jaemin's chest. I clench my teeth in disgust, "I bet 20$ this fool just said he only wants to get into her pants."

Kun slurps up some more ramen. Jaemin turns to me as he rolls his eyes. Sana covers her giddy expression again. "If there's nothing else, we'll be going now," he says, wrapping an arm over his girlfriend's shoulder.

Sana beams and waves at me then Kun, "see you two later."

"Later nerdz," Jaemin says, doing a peace sign before walking off.

Kun gives them a wave goodbye. I call as they leave, "You're too good for him, Sana!"

"Can you not?" Kun says more than asks.

"No," I say simply.

"But you can try."

"I can't believe I can do that either."

Kun sighs.

After lunch, Kun incessantly reminded me to prepare some sort of apology to Donghyuck for my unintentional insensitivity, quote, 'regardless of it being unintentional or not, it could have really hurt him' end quote, as he walked me to the library.

Knowing me, it falls flat to my ears. But with Kun knowing me, he did a good ol' fashioned, I'm-going-to-tell-your-mom-and-you'll-never-hear-the-end-of-this line. I begrudgingly had to agree, since my mom was going to visit my dorm this weekend to bring food over and I really don't want to have to deal with more nagging. Kun was mother enough. It was no wonder why my mom, or any mom really, liked him so much.

Anyway, after doing our secret handshake and wishing him to fail his quiz in biology, he headed off to his class and I headed into the library to do some homework, and work on that apology, ugh.

BUT!

It wasn't my fault I saw Donghyuck there by the world history aisle in a yellow hoodie and yet a lollipop still in his mouth. His lips reflected some light due to his lip balm.

I practically jumped when I saw him. I hastily made my way over and sat down in the vacant chair in front of him.

"Hi Donghyuck ," I say, making him turn from whatever he was working on, to me. I pull my notebook and text book out. He pulls out his earphones and his expression falls. I pull my pencil case and writing materials onto the table. I begin to work on my calculus homework, starting a new page with pink ink and mint green highlight.

Donghyuck speaks, "nice notes."

I look at the page that was open and smile at the pastel colors on it, "it's a specialty of mine."

Donghyuck shows his yellow pad and I see his unintelligible writing. I visibly react to it as he says, "here to show off?"

"No."

"Then fuck off."

I sigh, "I knew you were going to say that, but here me out. I have this friend Kun and I told him you're pretty cool. I also mentioned that I made a diabetes joke, which lead to you doing a death joke," I raise my hands, "which, by the way, was pretty funny."

Donghyuck adjusts in his chair.

"Anyway, he told me to apologize since we found out you have cancer and stuff --though I really don't see a need for it."

He raises a brow and drops the pen in his hand, "you don't?"

"No, I don't. I think you and I have pretty similar sense of humor, and you made a joke yourself," I give a contemplating look, "And, I mean, I meant it when I said we all die anyway."

There is a moment of silence.

I suddenly correct myself, "although, if life was a race, you're probably like the Usain Bolt, you know?"

Donghyuck stares at me blankly.

"YOU TOLD HIM WHAT?" Kun looks at me with wide eyes, absolutely flabbergasted.

I flash him a wide smile as I hop around him, "I told him he was like the Usain Bolt of dying!"

Kun pulls his head back, flashing some double chins. He looks absolutely mortified as he calls my name.

I laugh at him, "KUNNN! It was fineee! We’re on the same wavelength! He even invited me out to a party at his frat house!"

"NO!" he says in horror.

"What do you mean no?! I have a new friend, this is so exciting! I'm finally going to have someone who doesn't nag me like you do, or flaunts their disgusting cutesy relationship in front of my face!"

"Dude! You are both messed up! I can already imagine the stunts you two are gonna pull. Plus, I don't think it's healthy for him to be around someone that could unknowingly be encouraging suicidal thoughts."

"Kun, he's not suicidal, he's terminally ill."

He full on snaps, "and you are taking this far too lightly!"

I reel back at the nerve I hit and raise my hands in surrender. "Geez. I get it. Dude, I don't actually want anyone to die."

"Good."

"Maybe except myself."

If we were in a cartoon, Kun would be animated with a bunch of bold, red symbols right now, if you know what I mean. He continuously barks at me and I profusely state that that was, indeed, just a joke.

"Don't go to that frat party," he warns.

"But Kun, I already promised."

"Consider this a promise meant to be broken then! Call him and tell him you changed your mind."

I think about his words for a second and decide to agree.

Of course, in order to call Donghyuck, I would first need Donghyuck’s number. Alas, I do not have his number. So what do I do? Go to the frat party to get his number. Duh.

The venue was a whole concoction of smells of sweat, alcohol, and what I could boldly assume to be marijuana, hopefully the legal kind. It didn't really help in my search that the place was so awfully congested and large, and lit under this ridiculous indigo light. Luckily, in my side quest for air, I found my way into the not-as-crowded kitchen and there I found this tipsy pretty boy.

"Hey there," he said to me.

"Are you a frat member?" I ask.

He leans by the counter and bobs his head around in a yes, I think, "Kim Jungwoo."

"No one asked. Have you seen Donghyuck?"

"Yahhh," he exhales a strong alcoholic scent, "he was out there playing beer pong without the beer. It was just po-"

I head back out to the sea of people, looking for a pingpong table. It wasn't that hard to find. I just followed the sound of cheering and people yelling 'chug, chug, chug,' and eventually found who I was looking for.

Donghyuck was there cheering with a bunch of dudes. He was wearing a hoodie again, but this time it was in a shade of blue. He seems to have run out of lollipops though.

"Donghyuck," I call to him loud enough and wave.

Him, as well as the guys around him, turn to me when they hear this. They make a deep, rising sound as Donghyuck walks up to me, "you're here."

I nod, "I said I would come."

"Cool. You want a drink?"

"Sure. You want a lollipop?"

He turns to me as we push through the crowd. He grabs my wrist as he leads us off, "why, do you have one?"

"No."

He was already turned away before I replied, but I like to think he chuckled at me when I said this.

It doesn't take long but the travel out of the crowd was pretty treacherous. We wind back to the kitchen and Donghyuck opens the fridge to hand me a beer. He gets himself a soda, it seems.

And if you were wondering, pretty boy was no longer here.

Donghyuck opens the bottle for me then opens the soda for himself.

When he hands me the drink, I ask, "do you not drink alcohol?"

"Well, I'm on meds so, if I want to overdose, I could, but I'm trying not to disappoint anymore than I already do. That's like on my top 10 worst ways to die: dying a disappointment."

I huff, "hear hear," then take a swig of bear. I hiss.

Donghyuck examines me for a moment, then raises a brow at me, "dare you to chug it."

Without a second's thought, I go, "hah! You're on."

The task was not easy, but I had done it once before. I could take a whole bottle of beer, but more than that I’d start to get drunk. I tilt the bottle up, and try not to taste it as it rushes down my throat. I basically drink the pain away.

I hiss and hold the bottle upside down to show my victory.

Donghyuck seems both impressed and not all at once, "you're more compulsive than I am."

"Well, you gotta live on the edge when you know someone who has cancer."

Donghyuck releases a chuckle, it seems, a little harder than he expected to. He motions his head to the side, "follow me."

He brings us back to the sea of people. He grabs my wrist midway again. We eventually manage and make our way up a flight of stairs. We continue walking until he chooses one of the doors in the hall and opens it. I figure it's his room. He motions to his bed. I decide to sit down and he follows, placing his soda on his desk, sitting down on the desk chair, rolling it over in front of me.

In truth, it sinks in I should probably be pretty nervous in this scene. I was alone with a frat boy in a hoodie, who's scent I had a faint whiff of when we walked into his room. I faintly heard him lock the door on our way in too, only because it wasn't as loud up here. Now I was sitting on his bed in front of him.

What's more was I decided to wear a beige, floral dress to the party, clearly not getting the memo the dress code was itty-bitty, skimpy and tight. I looked like one of those painted-to-be Madonna girls who finds a bad boy to lose her virginity to. It was unintentional; I genuinely just liked this dress. Also, I don't really plan on losing my virginity to him.

Yet, I don't really feel nervous or scared. Not that I thought he couldn't take advantage of me if he tried. I have first hand experience of boy strength because of Kun. And he's taller than me, though, again, not that much. It wasn't that I was dumb enough to believe just because he was terminally ill, he couldn't possibly chose to do anything to me either. It's really kind of just how he has these moles on his lightly tanned face, how he has strong brows, albeit his soft expression, and how he always had moisturized lips. I just... felt like he wouldn't

Donghyuck tilts his head, "so?"

"So," I repeat.

For a moment, we say nothing.

I quickly remember, "oh, I need your number."

"My number?" he raises his brows and crosses his arms.

"Yeah, I promised Kun I would call you and tell you that I won't go to your frat party and I can't do that without your number."

He knits his brows. He opens his mouth and peeks his tongue out in the corner. He swivels in his chair and gets his phone from his pocket. He turns to his phone and asks, "what's your number?"

I begin to recite it by heart. He punches it down and calls it. I pull my phone out, seeing an unsaved number. I answer, "hello?"

There's echo and feedback. We both pull our phones away. I lower my volume.

"This is Lee Donghyuck," he says.

"Hi. I was calling to say I'm not going to your frat party."

He knits his brows, "why not?"

"Welp, my friend Kun thinks I might encourage some suicidal tendencies."

The playful glint that he had in his eyes falters. He hums and nods in agreement.

I continue, "anyway, I did my part for him now. Bye."

I pull my phone away and end the call. I begin to save his number.

Donghyuck watches me. He shakes his head and sighs, "you're crazy."

I turn to him and coo, "Aww, thank you. That means a lot, coming from you."

He chuckles, "So what? You have a crush on me or something?"

I raise my brows and scoff, "bold of you to assume. I say you're cool once and it inflates your flat head."

He breaks into a laugh, "hey, which one of us is in a stranger's room?"

"Nah, but you're not a stranger. We’ve shared four classes together. Plus, I've decided to make you a friend."

He purses his lips, "I don't want to be your friend though."

"Why not? You like dark humor and self-depreciating jokes, so do I. You even invited me to your stinky frat house."

Donghyuck crosses his arms as he chuckles. He spins on his chair while replying, "and you said yes."

"I literally just covered that I want to befriend you because we're alike. I'm kind of up to here with Kun's nagging," I raise an arm all the way up. I bring my arm down to raise a finger, "plus, Jaemin and Sana make out a lot."

He raises a brow, "you're friends with Na Jaemin?"

"Where do you think I found out you had cancer?"

He sniffles, "hmm... so you were asking around about me?"

I roll my eyes, "what part of wanting to befriend you did you not understand?"

He does not respond to this. He continues to spin on his chair.

A moment passes, when he asks "why not kick them to the curb?"

"My friends.”

“Since you hate them so much.”

“Well, then what? Be loner?"

He halts his spinning to raise his brows at me expectantly.

I shake my head, "I might not be the biggest people person but I don't actually want to be alone. It’s fun when I can make jokes and people don’t look at me like I’m crazy. Also, I don't like eating by myself. It makes me both look and feel pathetic."

He hums, "that's why I joined the frat."

I raise a hand, "point proven."

"How'd you befriend Jaemin though? That dude only hangs out with his girlfriend."

I snort, "he sucks at math. I like math. I looked for a study buddy on the school website, someone to help me with my other subjects. In return I’d help them with their math. Yeah. Jaemin helps me and I help him, plus his girlfriend Sana's in lit, so we all help each other out. Other than that, it’s been me and Kun since forever."

"I'm guessing he doesn't help you with your homework."

"He does, but he's just too smart for his own good, and I can't vibe with him if it's outside numbers, you know. It's an insult how he can't dumb down to my level when we talk about anything else."

"He's a math major too?"

I nod, "the psychopath is double majoring in statistics and economics, just cause he can. It seems fun, but I would like to graduate without aging 100 years, thank you very much."

"You two seem very close," he leans on his legs and moves left and right on his chair, "considering you still did what he asked you even though he didn't want you to come to my party."

I nod, "Yeah. He's one of the few people that can actually tolerate me, plus, I'm pretty sure my mom likes him better than her own flesh and blood in the son-I've-never-had shtick. Ya feel me?"

He hums, "childhood friends?"

"Worse, our moms are childhood friends. I basically have no say in this friendship."

He lets out an airy chuckle.

He spins around again for a minute. I close my contact list with my new log named 'DUNGHYUHAHA'. I turn to him then ask, "what about you? What's your deal? And why'd you invite me?"

He stops moving. He then turns to me, licking his lips. He straightens in his chair and rests his elbows on his thighs. "Well," he looks to the side, "you're right. We're pretty similar."

He leans back, "to be completely honest with you,” he chuckles, “your humor is refreshing. People around me are normally too scared to even be near me, in fear of breaking me or something. It’s why I stopped making friends a long time ago. The only reason why I'm in the frat is because most of the dudes here are too drunk for personal relationships, or too horny to be real with anyone. They could care less about me, y'know, minus the times they visit me in the hospital. It’s a nice mix for me."

He looks off to a pile of clothes in his room, “Sorry about the mess in my room. It’s normally just me and my cousin here, no cute girls.”

I feel my cheeks burn a bit at the insinuation.

Donghyuck realizes this then clears his throat, changing the subject, “Yuta’s another reason why I can stay here too. He’s in med, and was tasked with the side job of making sure I stay alive.”

I shrug, “Free XP.”

He chuckles, “sure.”

“And don’t worry about the mess. I live alone and yet my dorm looks like two frat boys live in it too.”

“Ya,” he points, “that’s offensive.”

We share a chuckle.

He sighs, turning to me with a soft expression. He purses his lips, “I’d like to be friends with someone who doesn’t looks at me like I'm a walking handicap. Like trust me, I think know better than anyone where you're coming from, but I'm not like those sorry assholes whose lives are literally on the line."

He looks at me silently for a moment, as if to measure my reaction on what he said. I pout and ask, "did another cancer patient steal your soup or something? Is that why they're an asshole?"

He snorts and rolls his eyes. The tension in his shoulders relax slightly, "yeah, no, this dude that I sometimes share rooms with always got extra dessert because he supposedly had only one more month to live or some shit. They say that about him every month though. It's pretty sus."

We share a laugh. It wasn't too hard but it was enough to melt the remaining tension in the air.

"I'd be pretty pissed too if I had cancer and didn't get extra dessert."

I claps his hand and points at me, "Right? The world is so cruel."

From then on, I began to see Donghyuck a lot more.

I tried not to mix oil with water, since Kun was still pretty hesitant about me spreading my disease to him, which is funny, cause aside from skipping exercises, I'm as healthy as a horse. As much as possible, I tried not to schedule the two of them together, just for now. Kun was normally too busy to have an opening with Donghyuck and I anyway.

Normally, I would hang out with Donghyuck whenever I had vacancies without Kun, which meant we fully went wildin'. It started out as a running gag between us, but we began to take advantage of his cancer to get discounts whenever we could. We had to play it up to get a reaction though, as in make him look more sick.

I mean, think not about what cancer has done to you, but what cancer can do for you. Admittedly though, there were times we mutually began to feel bad for our victim and just bought whatever it was we wanted.

It was then that I realized Donghyuck did put on lip balm to mask the paleness of his lips. He was a bit embarrassed about it at first, but I assured him it wasn’t a big deal. I mean, don’t we all want soft lips? He eventually grew comfortable about it around me.

On this particularly balmy afternoon, we decided to go to this supposedly popular restaurant by the bay. I had never heard of it before though, and neither of us had gone here. It made for a perfect target cause our rule is to hit the place once, hit it hard, and never to show up there again. I'm talking make them pity Donghyuck so much they pay us for eating there.

Anyway the name of the place was Blue Lagoon. Talk about SpongeBob rip off, right?

"Are you going to Jaemin's birthday party?" I ask as he eats his lobster dish.

He shakes his head as he just devours his plate, "absolutely not."

"Why not? Isn't your entire section going to come?"

"Yeah and they're all going to walk on eggshells around me. I told Jaemin thanks but I'd rather die than have our class make it weird for me."

"Yikes, they probably had a near death experience of their own when you told them that."

Donghyuck chuckles, "tell me about it."

I continue with eating my food.

He asks, "are you?"

I disagree, “Kun's mom is visiting that weekend."

He nods knowingly.

"Is everything alright for you two so far?" a waitress asks us as she approaches our table. We both turn to her and smile, "yeah, so far so good."

"As good as a cancer patient can get," Donghyuck says as he stuffs his face with garlic bread. He begins to choke on it slightly. I give him a look and hand him a glass of water, "ewww, just because you’re dying doesn't mean you'll die if you get any manners."

Donghyuck takes the glass from me, downing the bread with a big gulp, "apologies."

I turn back to the waitress. She looks like she just saw a two headed dragon. She forces a smile, "Right! I came here to tell you that your food is on the house and that the owner of the restaurant wants to give you both some dessert for being so enthusiastic about the place."

Donghyuck and I cheer, sharing a fist bump. He smiles, "that's great. Thank you."

"You're absolutely welcome sir. She would like to request a photo to put to our customer board as well. Would that be alright?"

We give each other a look and wind up nodding. We turn back to the lady as I answer, "that's fine."

"Great. Would you be needing anything else?" she asks, turning to the both of us.

Donghyuck takes another bite of his food before answering, "A cure for cancer?"

The woman tries to suppress her eyes from widening. She doesn't hide the minuscule reaction though.

"I'm kidding," Donghyuck chuckles, "you've done a lot to humor us. Thank you."

The woman releases a shaky breath and smiles, "of course, you both have a nice meal."

On the train ride back to our dorms, we stand in the crowd of passengers and wind up pretty close because of this. In this context, Donghyuck just looks like your average college student, with his lip balm and his hoodies. You would never know he was sick if he doesn't tell you himself.

Other than the hidden paling of his lips, he remedied by lip balm, and the body pain that springs up, he said he didn’t really have any other side effects.

I watch him lick his lips and remember how he told me I was right about the lollipops. Although it comforted him because he would get lollipops after his treatments as a kid, he said he should lay off them, lest he add another thing to his list of things to torture his mom. He didn’t want to beat cancer just to deal with diabetes.

I notice that his hoodie has a loose thread on it. I pick it off then ask, "how many hoodies do you have?"

He doesn't seem to notice me as he's staring off into the distance. With how I'm basically a few inches away from kissing him, the only reason why he wouldn't hear me is if he was wearing earphones. From beyond the hood he had on his head, and the hair covering his ears, there I saw the pod in his hearing shell.

I tap his face. He whips his head to me in surprise. His eyes were slightly wide, brows slightly high, and lips slightly parted.

I ask again, "how many hoodies do you have?"

His eyes dart from my lips to my eyes, "30."

I raise my brows then quickly knit them, "30?"

He watches my lips again. His own curve upward into a smile. He shrugs lightly, "cancer perks."

When the train stops at one station, a lot of passengers go down, giving Donghyuck and I newfound ample room between us. He takes this opportunity to remove his ear pods. I take this opportunity to hand him a lollipop, out of courtesy.

He looks at it for a moment, “didn’t you say this was bad for me?”

"Yeah, but I won it in class for being a teacher's pet. It’s special, like you."

He chuckles, turning to it and taking it from me, "what subject?"

"Statistics. Duh. Mr. Suh loves me."

"I'm sure he does."

He opens it and eats it. He shoves the wrapper into his pocket. He turns back to the distance outside the window. I however keep my eyes on him, "It's your favorite flavor, right? Watermelon."

He turns back to me. He doesn't say anything in reply. That's when I noticed his ears turned pink.

I can't help but chuckle and roll my eyes teasingly. My chest flutters at his reaction, "don't flutter too much. I only know cause you smell like it."

His tongue fiddles with the candy in his mouth. He turns to his feet. He looked like he was about to say something, but doesn't as then the train arrives at the next station and the space begins to get a little tight again.

I scooch over close to him again. This time the stick in his mouth was threatening to poke my face.

Donghyuck catches the plastic in his fingers, moves it to the side of his mouth, then cuts the rod with his teeth in one go. He then casually brings the plastic into his pocket. I gawk at him, "how'd you do that?"

He raises his brows, while he plays with the ball of candy in his mouth, "experience."

I make a face at him.

He winks.

I lightly punch his stomach.

I panic when he makes a pained sound.

He suddenly chuckles, “my cancer is on the other side.”

I punch him again, harder, only this time on his shoulder.

"You and Donghyuck are getting pretty serious," Kun says as he pays for our convenience store donuts. I grab my share and narrow my eyes, "you say that as if we're dating."

"Well, you talk about him like you like him."

"I do like him."

Kun takes a bite of his donut, "romantically?"

I raise my upper lip at him, "the way I like you, moron."

He chews on his snack and swallows. For a moment, there is an pause between us. Probably not the best choice of words when you and your best friend tried dating in high school. It feels slightly awkward but Kun speaks up through it, "you're treading dangerous waters."

"Kun-"

"No,” he sighs, “just stop and actually listen to me for a moment. I'm not saying you should stop hanging out with him because... because... you might get hurt if he dies,” he makes a pained expression, ”but I'm saying you should understand what you're getting yourself into."

I turn to him and take in his expression, "Kun."

"Don't Kun me," he quips coldly, "you’ve always been like this. You enjoy the thrill of diving head first into everything, but for once, just stop, look, and listen. Not for me, not for Donghyuck, but for yourself. You're going to get badly hurt if you keep running with this."

"So...” an idea clicks in my head, “I should walk."

Kun clicks his tongue, "I swear to g-"

"No. I'm being serious Kun," I nod, "I'll walk, slowly."

And so I tell Donghyuck this when I get to our shared chemistry class.

"You're going to walk slowly with me?" he questions while I swap the pens I was using to build my new page of notes on metal elements.

When I turn to him, I find his eyes glued on my notes, "yeah."

He leans back in his chair, "you should just stop hanging out with me, especially if it gets too much."

I pull back at this statement, not enjoying how he said this as simple as the jokes we crack each other. I quip back, "I'm no wimp."

He chuckles dryly, "It's not about being a wimp," he licks his canine, "it's about me not wanting you to remember me that way anyway."

I scowl, "what? Being annoying and condescending? I'm pretty sure you're going to have to revamp your entire personality for me to remember you any other way, Hyuck."

He doesn't reply and scratches his nose.

Mr. Wong asks what brass is. I raise my hand when no one wants to answer, "an alloy." He sings me a quick praise and continues with the lesson.

Donghyuck chuckles and crosses his arms, "show off."

I smile back at him and turn back to my notes, "if you're jealous, be reborn as a smarter guy. You're pretty close to the end anyway."

He watches me write for a moment. I doodle a beaker on the side of my notebook. I can feel his hand rising up with the to mess up my writing. Without looking, I threaten, "if you even think of messing up my notes, I'm bringing you straight to the after life."

He chuckles, "you might regret that," he rests his head on his hand, "but I hope you won't."

I finally turn back to him, "regret getting my revenge?"

"Joking about the time I have left." He doesn't really give me a chance to retort when he casually asks, "could you help me with my stats too?"

I turn to him and grin, thinking about the more activities I can do in my favorite subject, "absolutely!"

He pulls back in surprise and breaks into a laugh, "wow, and you called me a nerd."

"Again, that's on you for taking it as an insult."

He shakes his head in disagreement and smirks.

"Do you want to join our study group. We usually meet up every Wednesday morning cause it’s the time we’re all free."

"Hmmm, I don't think I can join at that time. Also I actually have this homework due tomorrow. I don't think I can wait all the way to next Wednesday."

"Oh, well, you can join us at lunch! I’ll help you then." I say in a cheery tone.

He looks at me for a moment, "you're finally letting me meet mama Kun?"

"He's not that bad. I’m kinda just dramatic."

"You? Dramatic? Pssh, never."

I shove him playfully. He gives me a look and smiles, "okay, but if he gives me shit for eating cookies for lunch, I'm leaving."

I hiss, "I'll tell him to shut it."

He chuckles.

When we get to lunch, Kun is as formal as ever, shaking Donghyuck's hand and offering half of his homemade sandwiches to him. Donghyuck declines but I readily ask for it.

Kun raises a brow, "I literally made you a whole sandwich and you still want to cheat me. You have packed berries!"

"What's your point? You were willing to give up the half to Hyuck, and he doesn't want it, so I am stepping up for him." I then try to get the other half from him.

He blocks my move by raising his elbow and clicks his tongue, "you are unmerciful. He only has cookies, which is why I offered."

"And I only have one chicken sandwich. You have a beef stroganoff."

Kun continues to swat me away, but knowing it wouldn't last long, I persevere. I eventually get my way and the half of the sandwich. I immediately take a bite of it and butt my head to Kun’s shoulder, "thanks, Kunnie."

He sighs and nods his head, "whatever."

"You can get half of my chicken sandwich."

"I don't want a chicken sandwich, which is why I made myself a beef stroganoff," he snips.

I take another bite of the half I stole from him and nod, "fine, here, you can have it back."

He eyes me, "mmm, how thoughtful of you."

"You're welcome."

At this point, Donghyuck finished his third cookie while watching.

I turn to him, quickly remembering, “oh right!” I take a bite of my sandwich and pull out my statistics notebook. I then get up and sit next to him. He pulls out his homework and I open my notes, showing him an example I had.

Donghyuck’s eyes widen, “dang, your notes look like a whole text book.”

I break into a wide smile as I turn from his notebook to mine, “thank you. Honestly, I only used to work on my writing to one-up Kun, but now it’s become a passion of mine.”

“I can see that,” Donghyuck says.

I take a bite of my sandwich and point, “this is easy.” I chew and swallow, “I’ll try what I do with Jaemin and tell you the answer so you can work for it.”

“Wait,” Donghyuck turns to me in astonishment, “you already have the answer for this?”

I shake my head, “like I said, it’s easy.”

“I solve faster than her mentally,” Kun notes, making me chide, “no one asked Kun.”

I finish my sandwich just about the same time Donghyuck finishes his homework.

"Ah, Donghyuck," Kun says, "I hear your nickname is full sun."

Donghyuck looks bewildered. His mouth opens and he slowly stutters, "how... do you know that?"

"I mentioned you to one of my patient-friends and he said you did treatment in the place I volunteer at. "

I raise my brows, "oh, you do treatment in St. John's? I've never seen you there before."

Kun snorts, "you act as if you volunteer regularly."

"I volunteer!"

"Once in a blue moon."

"Volunteering is volunteering, Qian Kun."

"Yeah, but I volunteer regularly and still don't expect to know everyone in the hospital. Besides, not every patient is signed up for the NCIT partnership integration."

I catch Donghyuck's uncomfortable look and shake my head, "hey, don't worry. He didn't start volunteering because of you or anything. He used to be in the boy scouts and volunteers for fun."

"I'm still in the boy scouts," he notes.

"And so every summer I am reminded by your troll children."

"Ya! I don't you not to call them that."

"And I said not to take it personally cause I think all children are trolls!” I turn to Donghyuck, “did you know children think it’s okay to sneeze in front of people’s faces?”

Kun looks ready to pick a fight, “Jisung did that on accident one time cause he had a cold!”

I roll my eyes and revert he conversation back to the original topic. "What was your nickname again?" I ask Donghyuck.

Kun answers, carefully, "full sun, right?"

Donghyuck scratches his nape, "Haechan. It means full sun."

I smile from ear to ear, "that's so cute!” I place a hand on my chest, “I for one believe I deserve to be called Haechan as well for the sunshine I spread through my sarcasm."

I prop my elbows on the table. Kun goes out of his way to shove them off. I glare at him. He looks away and pretends nothing happened. He turns to Donghyuck, "when you don’t need help with your homework, do you normally eat lunch with your frat brothers?"

Donghyuck cleans his mouth with his tongue and begins to nod, "sometimes. Most times it's just me."

I frown, "heyyyy, you can always eat with us if you're alone."

He chuckles, "thanks but unlike you, I like to eat alone sometimes."

"Yeah, but I’m saying you don't have to, okay?"

Kun looks at me and smiles softly. Donghyuck looks between us and nods, a smile breaking onto his lips, "thanks."

From then on, Donghyuck began to eat with us every lunch. He seemed to grow a lot more comfortable around Kun and removed the initial filter he had with him, matching up to my humor again. Kun did nothing but helplessly laugh it off.

Eventually, the three of us (four, counting Jaemin; five, counting Sana) found a comfortable rhythm between us.

It was why I immediately texted him when I didn't see him in class today. At first, I didn't really think much of it, even when he didn't reply. But when I told Kun about it and he gave me that warry mom look he has, I couldn’t shake the worry that crept up my spine.

This was why I was so distracted while I worked on my homework alone in my dorm later that day.

Not even doing math with my favorite song kept me from thinking of Donghyuck. So when Rose by D.O got interrupted by a text notification, I practically jumped.

From DUNGHYUHAHA: slr. i had a treatment schedule today

I let out a breath of relief after reading it. I quickly reply back.

To DUNGHYUHAHA: it's ok! i was just wondering. i only began to worry when kun gave me that worried look he always has

It takes him a moment to reply.

From DUNGHYUHAHA: dont worry about me

From DUNGHYUHAHA: im called haechan because im as powerful as the sun 😎

I break into a smile and reply quickly.

To DUNGHYUHAHA: absolutely

I contemplate for a moment, typing then erasing my message multiple times. I eventually decide to say it anyway.

To DUNGHYUHAHA: i don't know if you'll like this but

To DUNGHYUHAHA: oh gosh i dont even know how to say it

From DUNGHYUHAHA: i knew it, ur in lov w me haha

To DUNGHYUHAHA: no

To DUNGHYUHAHA: like

To DUNGHYUHAHA: i want to send you virtual encouragement

To DUNGHYUHAHA: like

To DUNGHYUHAHA: i wanna tell you u can do it n stuff

To DUNGHYUHAHA: yeah

To DUNGHYUHAHA: i probably shouldn't have. sorry hyuck

When he doesn't reply, I begin to feel bad and really, really stupid. My heart practically leaps when I hear a notification from my phone.

From DUNGHYUHAHA: thank you

The next time I got to hang out with him, we went to the supermarket because I had to restock on my things. I normally did this with Kun but I was with Donghyuck and we didn't really have anything else to do, he agreed we could do my groceries together.

I wash pushing the cart. Donghyuck was walking in front of me, attention alternating from his phone to where he was walking.

When we pass some home decorations and fake flowers, I reach out for a plastic sunflower petal and tell Donghyuck, “You know I really like getting flowers because the first time I did, there was chocolate hidden in the middle.”

Donghyuck, who had been randomly documenting our trip, raised his phone facing me. He notes as he takes a photo, “got it, flowers.” I promptly pose. With how he held his phone up, I found that Donghyuck had a lollipop wrapper pressed between his transparent phone case.

I break into a smile, “you save your lollipop wrappers?”

He pulls his phone down then turns to me with knit brows, “what?”

“Your phone case?”

He turns to his phone case. His jaw drops and he wipes his lips, accidentally smearing the balm. He fixes it and turns to me, “ah... no, just the one you gave me.”

He looks away but I catch the red on his face. I break into a smile and grip the cart tightly, “I must be special huh?”

“Shut up, you know you are,” he mutters.

I feel my own cheeks burn and I place a hand on my face.

He clears his throat, changing the subject, “I...” he drags out turning back to me, “have always wanted to name my daughter after a flower.”

I turn to him as he explains, “all the people I’ve met with flower names are so sweet and kind, so...”

I simply nod and he looks around frantically. He clears his throat again, “I know I probably won’t get to be a dad though.”

“Hey,” I call, “you never know. You said you were responding well to the chemo.”

He nods, “yeah, but they’ve been saying that for a while and it keeps coming back.” He places a hand on his side, “I barely have a liver left.”

“Well, if you have the energy to annoy me, I think it’ll only be time before cancer calls it quits.”

We make our way deeper into the place, winding into the baking aisle.

He snorts, "I can see why you do this with Kun. You clearly have no idea what you're doing, nor any control for that matter."

"Hey," I say as I get some dark baking chocolate and put it in my cart, "Kun actually encourages me to channel my energy into something productive. Doing the groceries is just that, rather than... say, encouraging someone's implicit suicidal tendencies."

He chuckles, "ouch, you could just say he doesn't like me nor you hanging out with me."

I shake my head and push my cart, "he likes you, Hyuck, he really just doesn't like my sense of humor."

He nods and looks at some of the products on the shelf, "agreeably, you can be pretty dry."

"You know, I would kill you if I knew you weren't already dying."

He makes a challenging face, "ooh, I just hope a Karen hears you and tells you off. That would literally add 10 years to my life."

I watch his playful expression. I casually agree, "let's go look for a Karen then."

Donghyuck and I make it to the other aisle when he realizes what I just said. He was midway in getting a box of corn flakes when he froze. I ignore this for the most part, but then he suddenly speaks up, "don't... don’t do that."

I turn to him and raise my brows. For a moment, I think of playing dumb, but I decide against it, "but I like being around you."

His brows twitch. He places the cereal box back.

This is the perfect time to note that today was one of the rare days he wasn't wearing a hoodie. He was in a grey shirt with the university logo on it. It was in that split second he wanted to hide his hands in his hoodie pocket, but as he had none, he clenched his fists instead. "We should stop hanging out with each other."

I immediately shake my head, "Sorry no refunds."

Donghyuck expression contorts, "I'm being serious right now."

"I'm being serious too.” I turn to him, unable to mask the hurt in my face, “I would like to be around you for as long as I can no matter what, okay?"

He shakes his head. He begins to step back, "you don't understand. If you saw my friend who went bald because of the chemo, you wouldn't want to be with me."

"Donghyuck," I call, and walk over to him. He raises a hand, making me stop. I shake my head, "I told you, I want to walk with you... slowly. Please walk with me too."

"But..." he whispers, "you can't fall in love with me... not when I’ve fallen already." The second part of his sentence was too faint for me to distinguish.

I sigh, only having one part of his statement, "you know, at this point, you should know that I have a knack for doing the exact opposite of what I'm told. I think you should ask me with your whole chest to fall in love with you, so that I don't do it."

He grabs my hand and looks me in the eyes, muttering softly, "please fall madly and desperately in love with me too."

My breath hitches. My palms get clammy. My heart races. I am so shocked I nearly don't realize that he said, "too?"

He looks defeated. He releases me and covers his ears. His face begins to redden. He steps back again and he exhales, "I have to go."

He turns about and begins to jog away. I watch in shock but find my legs instantly running after him. A thousand things start playing in my head, but one thing was clear to me, I couldn't let him get away because I knew it wouldn't ever be the same between us if I did.

In my panic, I grab him and lock my arms around his torso. My heart was racing as we froze in the middle of a soup aisle. I started feeling out of breath, "wait, please don't leave me."

He calls my name in desperation.

"Just walk with me, please," I mutter.

He grabs my hands in front of him, "I already tripped and fell."

"Then get up and walk with me... until the end please."

"Excuse me, can you please move," a stern voice from our right calls impatiently. We immediately break away and I make sure to drag Donghyuck to our cart. I find that he was wiping away his tears. I examine his posture, thinking if people had clouds over them, his would be raining.

I note the grumble of the woman who passed us and crack a smile, "see, 10 more years."

Donghyuck wipes his eyes and pipes up softly, "I don't have ten more years."

I grab his hand, urging him to look me in the eye, "Donghyuck."

He releases a breath, "this is why I always wear hoodies. I tried something different cause... you make me want to try new things, but... this sucks..."

"Haechan..."

This makes him turn to me.

He wipes his face with his wrist, “You can probably tell I keep that wrapper because I like you, right?”

“Hyuck, I like-”

“Don’t say that. There’s no point in it when my days are numbered.”

"It's knowing our days are numbered that makes time precious. Just let me be part of whatever time you have left."

I bring my arms around him, glad he doesn’t reject it. I place my hands on his head, "I'll be your hoodie for now, okay?"

He only stands there for a moment, but then he wraps his arms around me and sighs.

A lot of things were going through Donghyuck's head after this happened, and you might be surprised to know most of them lead to Kun. Things between everyone was fairly normal after the supermarket incident, but nothing was directly addressed so there was something just hanging up in the air.

On one of Donghyuck’s treatment, he got to see Rose who had been restricted to a wheelchair and lost all her hair but still smiled from ear to ear.

"Your mom has work today?" Rose asks.

Donghyuck turned to her as she finishes her treatment. She turns her wheelchair to him as he smiles, "yeah, she has an emergency at work."

Rose nods, "my mom has work today too. I'm glad you're here today."

"Me too, Rose."

She was another reason why Donghyuck like flower names.

Rose gasps in excitement, "Oh, I don't think I've ever introduced you my newest boyfriend because you're appointments are usually in the morning and he comes by after his classes."

The nurses laugh at this, not in a mocking way, but in adoration. He nods at the 13 year old, although he knew that she didn't really have a boyfriend and this was most definitely another nurse or the volunteer she thought was cute.

"What the new guy's name?"

"Qian Kun," she smiles softly.

"Kun?" he asks, "does he go to NCIT?"

"He does! Is that your school too? I keep forgetting."

"Yeah, he's actually a friend of mine. We eat lunch together."

She makes a sound, "wah! Consider me jealous, oppa." She pouts.

"Ya, Rose. I was your first boyfriend, why don't you remember I go to NCIT?"

"Sorry oppa," she says, "we already broke up though."

"Still, I'm your first love."

She gives a cute look, "sorry."

The nurses laugh again. The nurse who worked on Rose turns to him, "tough luck, kid."

Donghyuck chuckles then sighs, "are you going to go your new boyfriend today?"

"Yeah. I just have to wait for nurse Minseo to bring me down."

The nurse working on Donghyuck told him he was done with his treatment. Donghyuck stand and shakes his head, "I'll take you."

"Really?" she beams, "yay!"

Donghyuck gently pushes Rose down the hallway. They get into a lift then make their way down. When they reach the hospital's outside garden, Donghyuck is immediately faced with a bunch of teenagers with different sorts of patients. It’s slightly overwhelming for him, since he normally sees the place before dawn when is nearly empty for his appointments. This was the only time his mom was available, so when she wasn't with him, Donghyuck opted to treatment after class. No point in going to the hospital so early.

It doesn't take too long for Rose to pick out her boyfriend. "There," she points and giggles. Donghyuck sees him playing guitar to a group of patients and heads over.

Once they get there, Kun was seemingly singing the last verse of what felt like a Chinese love song. He couldn't actually tell, as he did not speak Chinese.

The crowd applaud. Donghyuck pushes Rose closer to Kun. When Kun notices them, he gives a surprised smile as he stands from the park bench he was sat on, "Hyuck! Rose! Fancy seeing you here together."

"Ya, I’m her first love,” Donghyuck says.

Rose shakes her hand, “you’re my boyfriend now, oppa.”

Kun chuckles, “one of the many.”

“Consider me impressed yet again by your many talents, Qian,” Donghyuck states.

Kun smiles softly and bows, pushing the guitar he had strapped on behind him.

"He's just perfect, isn't he?" Rose swoons.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck says, letting the two of them catch up. He decides to wait for Kun and head back to campus together.

On their walk back, Kun asks, "Now that I think about it, how are you living in a frat house?"

Donghyuck understands what he means, "My parents house isn't actually that far from here, which is why my parents even let me go to college in the first place. And my Aunt's stepson, Yuta, is actually a frat brother. He's also a almost a doctor and my roommate, so I'm his responsibility on top of residency. Fun right?"

Kun watches as Donghyuck kicks a rock, "He has to babysit me all cause I want to experience a normal college life."

"I'm sure he doesn't think of it that way, much like I don't think of you any less of a friend, though I worry for you."

He chuckles dryly, "I don't want anyone to worry about me though."

Kun smiles, "I don't worry for you anymore than I worry for our mutual dark humor loving friend."

Donghyuck feels his breath hitch, "speaking of...” he turns to his shoes, “I've been thinking about her a lot."

Kun nods, "when you hang with her as much as you do, I would be shocked if you didn't."

Donghyuck looks at his fond expression, knowing it was because of her that he looked this way. "You still like her, right?"

Kun turns to him, expression dropping.

"She told me you dated in high school but broke it off because you both thought you worked better as friends."

Kun sighs and chuckles, "Yes."

Donghyuck watches Kun's face. Kun realizes his confusion and clarifies, "I mean yes, it was a mutual decision. You know how she gets, how she acts on impulse from time to time and has no filter. She's just such an adrenaline junkie that I can't keep up." Kun shakes his head and then purses his lips, "and yes too. I... think there will always be a small part of me that likes her. She's my weakness, more because she and I literally grew up with each other, I think."

Kun looks at Donghyuck's deflated expression. He slaps a hand on his shoulder, "but I know she likes you, and I know you know it too, Hyuck, as much as I know you like her back."

Donghyuck chuckles bitterly, thinking this guy truly was truly everything you could ever want to have and be. Kind, understanding, patient, a model of health. No way he could ever match up to Kun.

"It's pointless though. I'm sure you understand that, since you told her to slowly walk with me."

He pulls back, "Dude, I never told her to walk with you. I told her to understand what she was getting herself into. She came to that herself."

Donghyuck knits his brows softly upon hearing that.

Kun chuckles, "do what you must with that information. I'll be here, for both of you."

From DUNGHYUHAHA: do you want to go to a frat party with me?

From DUNGHYUHAHA: also did you change my contact name yet?

To DUNGHYUHAHA: yes and no respectively

From DUNGHYUHAHA: 🙄

From DUNGHYUHAHA: pick you up at 6

I hear a knock on my door. I open it and I see Donghyuck holding flowers and wearing a pink hoodie under a suit jacket. His eyes scan me as he softly says, "Hi."

"Flowers?"

He smiles, "Irises, no chocolate in the middle though. I’m on a budget.”

I chuckle as he hands it to me, “It means hope, as I was hoping to tell you something important tonight."

I smile and get the bouquet from him, "well were you hoping to say it before or after I put these in a vase?"

"During?" he mutters.

I nod and invite him in, "leave your shoes off by the door."

"Yes mom," he says like every other time he's been in my place and taken off his shoes.

I roll my eyes as I give the irises a smell.

"You look really good. Maroon is definitely your color."

I turn to him and raise a brow, "you told me that when I wore grey sweatpants. I'm honestly a little upset I get the same reaction for dolling up in a cute lil dress."

I head to the kitchen of my tiny dorm.

"Trust me, words can't explain how immaculate you look," Donghyuck says as I grab one of my pitchers with left over orange juice and give it a rinse.

I chuckle and feel my cheeks burn, "that's more like it." I place the irises in the pitcher and prop it by the window sill.

Donghyuck's eyes examine the room and he lets out a soft chuckle, "I still don't understand how someone with perfect notes-- color coordinated, lined and bulleted and all, has such a mess of a dorm room."

I point at him and pout, "hey! What's in here," I bring my pointer and middle finger to my temple and tap it, "is far more important than what's" I motion to the general surrounding, "out here. I'm pretty sure I would be go crazy if I didn't do my notes like that."

"I thought you were already crazy though?"

I cross my arms, "I'm starting to think you don't like me."

Donghyuck chuckles and steps forward, "believe me," he pushes me back, "that's the furthest from the truth."

I fumble back and hit the kitchen counter. I make an ungraceful sound on my way. It snaps Donghyuck out of his trance, it seems, as he reaches out to keep me steady, "sorry, sorry. I don't know what got over me."

"Hopefully something good," I mutter.

After a moment passes, Donghyuck looks me in the eye and releases a breath, "Do you still want to try this with me?"

I raise my brows, watching as his soft lips quiver.

He breathes in deeply then leans in and places a kiss on my lips. It lasts for two seconds before he pulls away to give me an embrace. He crouches down so he could rest his head on my shoulder. His arms around me hold me tightly in place, "I want to walk with you slowly, while holding your hand, while laughing with you, while crying. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to call you baby. I want to spend the rest of my life with you-"

The initial shock that prevented me from moving wears off and I finally hug him back. We adjust in the embrace as he whispers, "-no matter how long or short is left."

My lips part and I quietly say, "You might regret that if you end up living to be a hundred."

"A hundred years of torment sounds good as long as its by you."

"Dude, I do not pray for your soul everyday just to have you go to hell on my watch."

Donghyuck pulls away with a chuckle, "you pray for my soul?"

I nod, "I pray... that if I can't have you for a hundred years, then at least you'll live somewhere you don't ever have to hurt again."

Donghyuck knits his brows at that. I bring my hands up to cup his cheeks, "but to answer question: yes. I want to walk with you. Yes as long as pi."

He smiles, "I'm glad you called me nerd."

"I'm glad you called me nerd."

"... can I kiss you longer this time?"

I nod.

He licks his lips and leans down, pressing his lips on mine. It’s just as thought as I’ve always imagined them to be. My entire body ignites into warmth and electricity. My hands run down his nape and rest by his shoulders. His hands pull me in by my waist.

We savor the warmth between us for a good while. He pushes me back against my counter and bring his hands down my thighs. His hands are burning hot against my exposed skin. He pulls away to mutter, "did I tell you you look so sexy in this dress- in any dress- in anything?"

I kiss him back after scolding, "stop talking." Donghyuck pushes closer to me, bringing me up my counter, finding himself in between my legs. I wrap them around his waist. I begin to nip at his lower lip. He lets out a sound that makes my stomach swirl.

I dig my thumbs into his coat collar and push it down. He readily throws his coat off, then catches my head in his hands.

He pulls away and begins to kiss my neck.

I pant, "my makeup is ruined."

“We’re not going to the party anymore,” he mutters quickly as he sucks on my skin.

I moan and pull him even closer to me, “good.”

Donghyuck brings his hands down by the hem of my skirt. He slowly brings his hands up, making goosebumps form on my skin. I curl my toes up and whisper, "Donghyuck."

He catches his lips in mine again. My hands fiddle with the end of his hoodie. My hands begin to find the bare skin on his torso. His hands skip all the way back up to my waist.

I break away this time to kiss his temple, airily telling him, "I want you to take this off." I pull his hoodie up by its hem gently. Donghyuck doesn't waste time and rips it off of him, throwing it off to the side with his coat. He doesn't really give me an opportunity to bask in his beauty, but I do catch the muscle build of his arms and the firmness of is stomach.

I can't really complain when his lips meet mine again.

We continue like this for a long while. It's nice, but I want more.

"Donghyuck," I say, pulling away, only to have him kiss me again. He hums and pecks at my lips intermittently. I hold his head in my hands, "I want to move to my bedroom."

Again, he leans in to kiss me, then grabs my hand, leading me off into the bedroom. He gets on my bed and pulls me up close to him. In this moment, I see my lipstick was smeared all over his face. He looked dazed and so, so, pretty though.

I'm sure I looked like a with all the colors on my face smeared around but I really couldn't bring myself to care right now. And it was as if he heard my thought that he suddenly spoke up, “you’re so beautiful.”

My stomach swirls as he kisses my neck quickly. He rests on his knees as I sit down next to him. He brings his hands back to my face and begins kissing my lips again.

We climb up to my bed. I wind up lying on my back. He hovers atop me with his resting by my right.

I push him away and he flutters his eyes open. I whisper his name again. He pushes my hair back and nods, "yes?"

"Help me take my dress off."

"Baby," he calls, making my stomach drop and burst into butterflies, "I know where this is heading.”

I feel my cheeks burn so I joke, “you don’t have to flex you’ve been with other women before me.”

He sighs in defeat, “You know that’s not what I mean.”

I kiss him again and he breaks away, “we don't have to do anything."

I nibble the inside of my lower lip, "but I want to."

"I still have time, I promise."

He begins to kiss me softly. I kiss him back but then push him off, all the way off, making him topple over on his back. I take this opportunity to climb on top of him, "it's not about time... it's about me wanting you, needing you, now."

Donghyuck lets out a moan as I move on him. He grabs my hips and looks a warning look, "baby please. Don't you want your first time to be more special? I can plan it so it'll be more memorable."

"Anything with you is memorable in and of itself, Hyuck."

Donghyuck groans, "you're really making this hard."

"More ways than one," I squeak softly.

Donghyuck props himself up on elbows then sit up. He adjusts me on his lap and kisses me while his hands work on the zipper of my dress. He pulls it down halfway, "last chance baby. It'll be hard to stop me when I begin to hear you squirm."

I feel myself begin to pulse at his words. He peppers my neck with kisses and wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes and think for a moment, I try to think about the consequences, but all I can really imagine is Donghyuck kissing me like this.

"I'm sure, Hyuck," I whisper by his ear.

Donghyuck immediately pulls away to zip my dress all the way down. He then pulls my dress off over my head. when he digs his fingers into the sides of my cycling shorts I suddenly realize something illusion shattering. I didn't shave absolutely anything. Not my legs, nor my armpits, especially not my-

this was a bad idea.

I try to play it off. It was pretty dark in my room anyway since we didn't put the lights on. Donghyuck quickly unhooks my bra and throws it off.

I whine his name out when his hands begin to knead my breasts. My hands dig into my sheets by the side.

He pulls his hands away and pushes me off by my hips, giving me a kiss as he does so. He pulls my shorts down and I feel my heart race. I step out of it and he kisses my thigh before standing up and saying, "Lie down, darlin'."

I do just as he says and feel conscious when he doesn’t take his eyes off me. I wrap my arms around my chest. He chuckles as I watch him as he pulls out his wallet from his pants. "Like what you see?"

I nod, making him laugh. "You know how to boost a man's ego."

He wasn't molded into pure muscle, but he was beautiful with his bare chest exposed. In this moment, I can faintly spot the scar on his belly. On impulse, I sit up and reach for it. He freezes as he looks down on me.

I still had an arm over my chest when I places a kiss on his skin. He lets out a shakey breath and brushes my hair back. “I got it,” he calls, showing me a packet out. He places it in between his lips and I sink back down when I hear him work on his pants. My eyes wander away as I note, “you just have that with you?”

He chuckles again. I feel my face burn and I cover my face. I hear a wrapper opening then the quiet of my room.

“Some people say it’s good luck. I’m just trying to cash in as much luck I can get.”

The bed then dips and Donghyuck grabs my legs, hovering in between them. He rests his stomach on my pelvis. I jolt up and squeal when I feel his belly vibrate against my core when he laughs another time. He pulls my hands away from my face, "I think you're past the point of being shy, no?"

"I should have never told you I haven't had sex before."

He chuckles again and I whine, “I don’t really know where that’s coming from, but okay.”

“You just look so smug!”

"Because you’re so fucking hot. What would change if you hadn’t told me anyway. I can clearly tell from the way you react to me.”

I don't really have time to respond when he suddenly behinds moving down. My heart practically stops, and I grab onto his shoulders, "don't go down there."

"Is it haunted?"

"I didn't shave."

"Neither did I, and you don't seem concerned."

"I didn't look."

He laughs again, "I know you didn't, but even after telling you, you still want to fuck me."

I punch his shoulder, "don't say it like that."

He laughs even louder, "sorry, sweetheart, I mean make love."

He examines my nervous look and kisses my jaw, “I don’t know if this will help, but none of the women I did it with didn’t shave either.”

I catch his eyes and find myself relaxing a bit, “how many women did you do it with though?”

“Really? Now?”

“I take statistics! The numbers never lie.”

He rolls his eyes, “well let me go into detail then. My first time was with my first love and I had two girlfriends after that, so it would be 4 if you let me finish.”

I turn away from him to compute the average of this, if you take into consideration the general popu-- I yelp when he begins to move down again. I wrap my legs around him tightly and grab his face, "Donghyuck, please!"

"Cutie, don't worry about hair, okay? Everything about you is beautiful and I'm so fucking hard right now, you don't even know," he kisses my chin, "I can feel you pulsing and I really want to make you scream my name the right way."

"Donghyuck..."

He shushes me, "just say my name when I make you feel good, okay? No more protesting. And actually, try not to be so loud.”

Without another seconds notice, I gasp and Donghyuck is right in between my thighs. My heart is racing. He pulls my underwear off and I try to close my legs, which honestly was just smushing his face.

He chuckles and places either of his hands on my thighs and pushes them away. I cover my mouth with both my hands. He speaks up, "remember what we talked about, honey."

He places his tongue on my core and I groan onto my hands. Him chuckling against me was only making my reactions worse. Donghyuck reaches for my wrist then pulls my hand away, "come on baby, don't be shy."

He pulls my hands away from my face and I humor him but still do my best to suppress my noises as he kisses me. I can't help but writhe and squeak and Donghyuck can't help but feel so smug.

"I can't tell if you like it if you don't say my name."

I whine out his name

The hot breath of his chuckle hits me, making goosebumps form, "Atta girl."

From this point on, I do nothing but squirm and call his name out. His tongue begins to move inside of me and I begin to feel like I'm about to explode. I want to call for mercy, but I can't seem to form coherences anymore.

His lips begin to move outward, back to my thighs. He begins nibbling on my flesh. I catch my breath. He then climbs back up, and meets me little over eye level. He grinds my hips on mine, making me yelp all over again. I pull at my sheets. With his arms on both my sides, he remains propped up and smirks, "you're so adorable."

"Donghyuck."

He kisses the crown on my head, "wrap your arms around me."

I do just that and he shifts his weight atop me. He groans when I dig my fingers into his skin. He then adjusts himself between my legs and kisses my jaw. He lifts himself up by his knees and pushes into me. I let out a broken sound and he moans against my neck. His hot breath was trying to burn me.

"Does it hurt?"

I breathe in and out, "It feels big."

He nibbles my skin, "thanks, but does it hurt?"

"A little bit, I’m not really sure. I mostly feel stretched out."

He chuckles again and I moan out, instantly making him moan too.

"Fuck, you feel so good."

I whine and nip on his ear lobe, "are you going to move?"

"So impatient," he teases, "in a minute, I just want to keep you safe and comfortable."

"I know," I kiss his cheek.

When he begins to move, it feels like we were slipping out of time. Goodness knows how long he bucked his hips back and forth until we reached a comfortable rhythm.

Donghyuck sheds his teasing nature and begins to match my unintelligible sounds at some point. He did find time to call my name out in the same way I manage to call out his.

I begin to feel my feet tingling and my stomach tightening. For a moment I feel like he could do absolutely anything to me and I would like it. He could spit in my mouth or tear me in half and I would thank him. I call his name out over and over again. The lewd sound in the air was drowned out to my ears by the noises that came out of my mouth.

I couldn't hold in my moans at this point even if I tried.

Donghyuck began to pick up the pace.

My breathing began to get ragged. Donghyuck’s hand on my thighs began to tighten. My fingers dig deeper into his back. His teeth were digging into my neck.

The tension between us is climbing so high. Then suddenly it just burns up and bursts into a million pieces.

Donghyuck works on the moment for as long as he can before ultimately going down as limp as me.

We both catch our breath. Donghyuck moans as he kisses my neck. Neither of us move for a long while and I enjoy the feeling of his weight on top of me.

With his chest pressed up against me, I felt so nice and snug, fully in bliss.

I now understood everyone wrote about sex.

I whine when he moves off me. Suddenly I feel so bare and empty. "Don't worry your pretty little head, I'm still here. Good job."

"I don't feel like moving," I say, making Hyuck nuzzle up against me and kiss my cheeks, "I know baby girl and as sexy as you look like that, I don’t think you’d appreciate the consequences of sleeping with makeup."

My eyelids are heavy but Donghyuck’s urging tone gives me the strength to make my way out of the bed and to the bathroom. It feels like how you feel walking after you got off a rollercoaster or a boat, familiar but also not at all.

I wash my face and brush my teeth. I suddenly feel the urge to pee, and when I do, feeling the stickiness in between my legs, this haze over my head evaporates and I realize I just had sex with my... friend.

I wash up and squeal when I hear Donghyuck say, “I managed to change you bedsheet in your minefield.”

It doesn’t even occur to me why he did that, “Donghyuck! A little privacy.”

I full on breaks into a laugh, “I was just inside of you.”

“HYUCK!”

He laughs and raises an arm defensively, “Alright.” He opens the sink, “I was the one that stripped you naked, remember?” I grumble and run back into the bedroom to hide under my covers.

Donghyuck soon comes running after, “JAGIYAAAAAAAA.”

I don’t respond to him and he laughs as he makes his way next to me. He literally jumps into my bed, really falling off. I gasp in concern, “you moron!”

He chuckles and turns to me, “I’m okayyyy!”

He gets under the blankets and snuggles close to me, muttering, “we have to sleep really close together cause your bed is super small.”

“Like your brain.”

“But not my dick, huh?”

I make a disgusted sound and begin to elbow him. He wheezes in amusement and grabs my arms, pressing me down, “Okay! Okay. I’ll stop.”

He presses his chest against my back, keeping a safe space between our lower bodies. He moves rubs his head against be affectionately and squeezes me against him, “you did enjoy it, right?”

I scoff, “you’re already cocky as it is.”

He laughs obnoxiously, “you do know what that insinuates right? But you gotta stop being shy eventually so I know what you like. I gotta make sure I die knowing I’m the best you ever had.”

“Hyuck-”

“Okay sorry,” he kisses, “go to sleep. We can talk about this next time.”

“Bold of you to assume I’d do this with you again.”

He forfeits the laugh and kisses me, “I can show you how persuasive I can be.”

The next day as I blink my eyes open, sunlight barely meets it. I breathe in and stretch, whipping my head to my left side when I don't feel Donghyuck next to me. I shift from under the blanket, seeing Donghyuck was sitting on the side of the bed blocking most of the view of my window. He seemed to be still fully stripped naked judging by the bareness of his back. I remember digging my fingers in his skin, but it seems to not been as hard as I thought it was considering how smooth it was.

He had a phone to his ear when he turns over to me when he feels me shift.

He smiles as he replies to whom he was talking too, "no I know, I know."

I smile back at him and whisper, "good morning." I feel my morning breath come out. He brings his phone to the other side of his ear. With his now free left hand, he brushes my hair away and sends me a kiss through the air before turning back around. I reach out to him and draw hearts on his back. His body twists and he lets out a soft sound because of it. I’m rubbing and poking him for fun at this point. He continues replying to whom he had on the line all the while.

Even his back was pretty. He had a straight line separating the left and the right of it and had not a blemish or mole in sight. I bring myself up and rest my cheek on his shoulder, embracing him from behind.

He places a hand on mine and finishes off his conversation, "Yeah. Okay, eomma. I love you too."

He puts his phone down on the desk next to my bed and he turns to meet me, "good morning."

I slap a hand on my mouth, making him stop and pout. I mutter behind my hand, "I haven't brushed my teeth."

Donghyuck makes an annoyed face and pulls my hand away, placing a quick kiss on my lips. He then jolts up and shoves himself back down against me, resting his weight on my body, "oh no! I'm dead cause I kissed you when you had morning breath."

I make a face. As he looks at me, he matches my expression. My lips curve into a smile, "you know I've always wanted to draw on my boyfriend's back."

He smiles softly, then fully flaunts his teeth, "so last night when you were ripping my skin out was your way of asking me to be your boyfriend."

"No, I didn’t leave a mark on your skin," I deadpan, "also, I was just telling you that I imagined connecting freckles on my boyfriend's back and making my own constellation. You don't really have freckles on your back, and that's kind of a problem."

He scowls, "I hate him."

I break into a laugh, "but he's my boyfriend!"

"I want to be your boyfriend!" he whines and lets out an annoying sound, "please don't tell me to plan something. Not now. I'll die if I wait any longer."

I roll my eyes, "please you're so dramatic."

"I have cancer! I'm allowed to dramatize my impending demise."

"Fine," I say, "you can be my boyfriend with your freckle-less back."

Donghyuck purses his lips and clenches his fists, "Yes! I'll grow freckles on my back or tattoo them."

I shake my head, "don't even try. It won't be the same."

He whines, "I'll never stop thinking about your fake boyfriend. Ever."

I snort, "I can put glitter on your back and make my own constellations." He catches my expression and smiles, “I love you.”

I still and smile back, “I love you, Hyuck.”

He leans in for a kiss. I shake my head and giggle. I lightly slap his lips, "I'm going to brush my teeth and shower."

He immediately perks up and grins, "I'm coming with you."

I pull the blankets up cover myself and shake my head profusely, "absolutely not, Hyuck."

He whines like a child and slaps the bed. He brings a leg up to the bed as he turns his body to me, "YaAaA! I wanna shower with you though."

"I'm not ready for you to see me in day light."

He punches the bed, "I saw everything already! I have night vision. I was inside of you."

"HYUCK STOP SAYING THAT!"

“IT”S TRUE THOUGH,” he throws another tantrum, "come on pleassssseeeeee."

"Donghyuck, you don't even have any clothes to change into. Maybe you should take a shower at your place."

He reels back, jaw dropping, "are you kicking me out?"

"I'm not ki-"

"Wah, I can't believe you’re kicking your boyfriend out 10 seconds after saying I love you," he clicks his tongue.

"I'M NOT KICKING YOU OUT! I'm just being rational."

Hyuck shakes his head, "Rational? Says the girl who tried to buy ice cream from a child."

I growl, "I shouldn’t have told you that either! It was an experiment, alright! To see if someone that age could understand the value of money."

"And yet if you hadn't known the kid or her mom, it would just be labeled pedophilia."

I purse my lips, "you know what, I am actually kicking you out."

He strikes his chest with his fist and throws himself back down on me, "remember you’re kicking out someone who's got a life cycle of a butterfly."

My eyes suddenly look for the scar on his stomach. It was a lot bigger than I pictured it in my head. I look away when I begin to look a little lower. I clear my throat and raise a brow, "if I give you a pass now, I'll keep doing that forever, so you have to keep listening to me."

He raises his upper lips, "how bossy."

"That's sexist."

He sighs, "you're sexy."

"False equivalence."

He sits back up and shakes his head, "fine. I'll shower at my place and run back here. Only cause I am, like, so fucking in love with you I might have heart cancer."

“Haechan, please.”

He points and glares at me, "if you kick me out next time, I'm going to cry."

I cant help but bring a hand to my lips and break into a laugh.

"Ya! Am I a joke to you?"

I shake my head and throw myself at him, giving him a hug, "no. You're my full sun."

He smiles, "good."

The next thing I knew I was constantly kissing Donghyuck.

Everything was pretty hazy, since it feels like I get drunk on his lips. We did walk slowly together, holding hands, in the park, in the mall, to class, to lunch, to my dorm, to his frat house. It was pretty good exercise and pretty romantic, all things considered.

We also watched movies almost every night, and did other things on some. What? I mean homework.

We would go to the library together and he would make me do his notes, to which I would both take joy in doing and would be really stressed with.

We had fun like the best of friends, and kissed like the best of lovers.

Everyday I would wake up and think of something new I wanted to experience with him. Chemistry became dear to me, simply because I could go to class and watch him mess up simple equations in front of me.

It was adorable.

On this particular night as I did my homework with him, Kun, Jaemin and Sana in the big-ass dining table in the Donghyuck's frat house, he looked extremely adorable being so confused with such simple questions. I kept my eyes fixed on his frustrated face. I had my head rested on my hand, elbow on top of my notebook with the homework I finished hours ago.

Kun points to Sana's work and says, "you missed a 2 in your equation."

Sana sighs. Jaemin pouts at her and pets her head, "it's alright. You would have gotten the right answer had you not missed that."

"I can't believe people like this shit," Donghyuck complains. I scan his work and point at his solution, "you're almost there. Y equals what, Hyuck?"

"Y the fuck do I need to learn this?"

"It's fun!"

"Just give me your philosophy homework," he whines.

"No cheating in this household," Kun says as he flips a page of his economics book.

I shake my head at Donghyuck, "I don’t need help. I'm done with all my homework."

"Can you just do my stats. You get high off of this anyway."

"Hyuck."

He whines, "I have one number left!"

"Exactly. And I want you to learn because you have to pass and I can't do your tests too, now can I?"

Donghyuck places his arms in front of him and slams his head on the table, "I hate it here."

I giggle and nuzzle up next to him, "aw, isn't he so cute when he's like this?"

Sana coos at us and nods. Jaemin couldn't care less. Kun makes a face and shakes his head in disapproval, "you've become the very thing you despise."

Jaemin chuckles, "dude has to get laid."

"I'm quite satisfied with my homework, thank you."

Jaemin makes a face, "gross."

It's funny how high you can get and how fast you can fall.

After my class, I head off the flower shop who's owner I came to know as Mrs. Park. I dropped by pretty often that I could say she was becoming somewhat of a friend.

I make my way to St. John's and get to room 304. Mr. Lee is standing outside the room, using his phone. I grip the strap of my backpack. "Hi," I call and wave with my available hand, "good evening, uncle."

He turn to me and then the flowers I had in hand, "good evening sweetheart." He places a gentle hand on my shoulder, "Donghyuck told me not to let you in again."

I sigh.

"You can go in, though he fell asleep I think. His mom and I are just going to get some food, okay?"

I nod and smile, "I'll be here."

"You can wake him up if you like."

I shake my head, "I'll just leave the flowers and go home."

He nods, "okay, stay safe, dear."

Once he leaves, I quietly enter the hospital room and close the door behind me. I walk by his bed, looking at his sleeping form and go to the table next him. I take the roses I left last time and replace it with the irises I bought.

"You're so unoriginal," a soft voice comes from the hospital bed.

I purse my lips into a soft smile and shake my head, "I ran out of flowers to give you. It's a sign you have to check out soon."

Donghyuck chuckles softly, “Iris is a good baby name no?”

I chuckle, “yeah.”

I turn to his pale and sullen face. His lips were missing the balm he always put on and looked uncharacteristically chapped because of this. I bring my backpack in front of me and pull out some red lipstick. "Can I do the honors?"

He looks at the cosmetic and sighs, "it's what I get for making you my girlfriend."

I smile and move to the other side of the bed where his drip wasn't stationed. I sit down next to him and put on the red on his lips. Once I'm done, he places his hands by his jaw and smiles softly, "how do I look?"

"Like a supermodel," I say.

He sighs, "had I not had cancer, I'd make Naomi Campbell retire."

I chuckle, "It's not to late. We can still make her quiver in her stilettos."

He shakes his head weakly, "I get too tired. I can barely keep up with you as it is. That's why my tongue is so important."

"Donghyuck."

He puckers his red lips, all pleased, "that's what you say every night."

I shake my head and pull my phone out, quickly stealing pictures of him. His face falls. He immediately reacts and blocks my phone, "come on, we’ve talked about this. No pictures."

"You don't look sick, you look sick."

He shakes his head, "I'm in a hospital gown."

"And you work it like the sex god you are."

He can't help but break into a laugh, no matter how hard he tried to hold it in. "Geez. You are so fake. I'm glad we can't have kids because they'll both be liars and traitors."

His word hit a nerve. Not because of the kids, but because he feels betrayed that his parents won't listen to him when he tells them not to let me visit him while he's here.

He catches my fallen expression. He firmly and coldly states, "I'm not getting you pregnant."

I shake my head, "you should stop making your parents promise to keep me from seeing you."

He scoffs and rolls his eyes, "they never listen to me anyway."

"Donghyuck-" "You see me now don't you?!" he suddenly snaps and gestures his hand up, "look at my face. You want to see this? I don't want you to wake up next to me looking like this."

I keep my silence. I watch as the desperation in his eyes build.

"I told you what the doctors told me. I'm two steps away from organ failure. I could literally die while we're on a date. Do you know how scared I am of doing that to you? Even when we're just walking, I have this shit imbedded at the back of my mind."

"Haechan..."

“I told you. I told you you’d regret joking about it.”

I chuckle bitterly, knowing exactly the joke he mean, “it was funny when I said it.”

“It was,” he hisses, turning away from me, “I'm glad I got to have you, but you don't have to watch me die. It’ll be easier for the both of us this way. You can let go of me now."

My eyes immediately water when I speak, "you want to let go of me?"

"Fuck no," he whispers, "I don't have enough strength to do that."

"Then please don't drive me away," I reply.

Tears burn down my face, but I'm only concerned about the ones burning down his. I wipe his face and bite the inside of my lip to keep my silence. I pull my hands away and grab his in mine, "I still want to walk with you."

He sighs and grips my hands back. He finally meets my eyes, "you're gonna have to push my wheelchair to the cemetery."

His analogy hurts, but I still nod, "okay."

He disagrees, "don't speak so quickly."

"I swear, I'm not."

He brings his hands to my cheeks, wiping my tears away with his thumb.

“If you have something in the back of your head, I do too, so let’s just...” I lick my lips, “put on some red lipstick and send memes to Kun okay?”

He releases a sigh, "okay, nerd."

I choke on my tears. I release a breath to calm myself down and reply, "okay, Haechan."

To everyone’s joy and relief, he was well enough to leave the hospital to take his finals. I have never been so happy on an exam day.

Kun and I had breakfast together then went to our shared exam room. It my happiness, I skipped on our way and held Kun’s hand, swinging it back and forth. I swore I heard someone mumbling something about wanting to blow us up for PDA so early in the morning or something along those lines.

I couldn't care less though, cause I was really happy today and nothing was going to change that.

"Are you sure Donghyuck has a drivers license?" Kun asks for the nth time. He pulls on my arm, ceasing its motion and I turn to him to make a face, "yes, mom. He even sent me a picture of it and it isn't expired."

He lets out a breath, "you could have lead with that."

"I didn't know you would be that worried about it."

"I'm offended. You of all people should know I never stop worrying. You’re the reason why I’m like this, with that mud pie incident."

“It’s not my fault I thought mud pies turned into actual pies! That’s literally on everyone else before me. I was a troll child back then! With a troll mind.”

Kun scoffs, “you were though.”

"I just said I was,” I raise my hand and flash him a face, “is that why you died your hair platinum blonde? To hide all the white hairs that sprung up on your cranium."

"You know, for once, you're actually right."

I halt my skipping, "wait seriously."

Kun's eyes wander, "at least I'm not going bald."

"Hey! Haechan doesn't have hair loss."

Kun whips his head to me, "I wasn't talking about Haechan."

I snort, "I know, loser."

Right after our exam, Kun and I made our way out of building and I immediately spotted Donghyuck leaning against a sleek black car in a army green hoodie and shades.

Kun raises his brows, "wow, he's got a Benz?"

"Borrowed. It’s his cousin's grad gift."

"Oh? The doctor one? Dang, they rich-rich."

I wave at Donghyuck who had his hood on and he waves back. Kun waves at him too, then I wave at Kun, "bye babez."

"Bye babez," he replies as I run over to Donghyuck.

I immediately wrap my arms around him and giggle in his arms, "hi baby."

"Hey sexy," he says, kissing me on the head. He brings his arms around me, sealing me into a long, warm embrace.

Once we pull away, he brings his hands in front of me, revealing a bouquet of flowers. I coo at them as he says, "I figured I'd get even with you."

I get the flowers from him and smell the vibrant bouquet of pink, yellow and blue, smiling ear to ear.

"To you, I offer eternity," he says, making me chuckle when I turn to him, "how cheesy."

"Hey, I didn't make the meanings up. Some person saw primroses and said, 'oh, you know what, this means eternal love'."

I shake my head, "still corny though.”

“You’re corny.”

“Thanks, that means a lot, coming from you.”

"Well," Donghyuck asks, "you ready to go for a drive?"

I nod and wave my flowers around, up in the air, "I'm so excited to go to a drive through."

He groans in disgust, "drive through? Babe, I was planning to go to a cute restaurant but you want fast food?"

"We can go to a drive through and a cute restaurant."

He rolls his eyes and moves to pull the door open for me, "as if I don't have enough medical bills to pay."

"I'll pay for the food!"

He gives me a look, "there was no way you weren't gonna."

Much to his displeasure, I get so sidetracked with every place we passed by we barely get to follow the itinerary he had planned for the day. He continuously attempts to get us back on track, but we do not reach the park he wanted to get to before the sunset to get to watch it.

Instead, we sit on the hood of Yuta's car and eat some hamburgers and fries, looking at the stars, failing to find any of the many constellations.

"I give up," he mutters, ripping his eyes away from the guide he had on his screen, flipping his phone back looking at the wrapper still on his phone case. He dumbly blurts, “is that Harry Styles? ♩ Watermelon sugar high ♩.”

What the- I give him a look, “are you high?”

“♩ Watermelon sugar high ♩”

I block his face with my phone and examine the star chart on it. He sips on his drink then says, "you're looking at an astrology chart, by the way, not an astronomy chart."

"I mean, technically, they're one in the same, since they base their stuff up on the same stars."

"Yeah, except I hate astrology. Like, don't say you're a libra, just say you're a fucking idiot."

"Seems like a philosophy thing."

Donghyuck raises a brow, "you talk to other philosophy students?"

"Dummy, I knew Jaemin personally before you."

"Oh. Well, carry on then."

I snort, "but imagine if libras are actually the dumb ones though, and you got it right."

He pulls away the drink he was supposed to sip on, "we are not going to talk about this anymore."

"Okay," I eat a french fry and some burger, "what do you want to talk about then?"

"Hmm. I promised not to, but I still kinda want to fuck you in my cousin's car."

I nearly choke on my food. Donghyuck bursts out laughing. I turn to him and glare. I continue chewing the burger I had in my mouth and look for a tissue. I find one on Dongyuk's lap and blow my nose on it, "I think a pickle went up my nose."

Donghyuck laughs even harder, falling back on the windshield.

I shake my head, "why is this so funny to you?"

He catches his breath and wipes his tears, "I dunno. It's cute you think I don't think about eating you out every time you're near me."

I shove his side, "shut up."

He whines yet still manages to continue laughing, "my liver."

"Quit being dramatic," I say, crumpling up the tissue I used and throwing it at him. I then pick it back up and place it in the plastic bag of trash we had.

His laughter dies down but his whining continues. After a moment, he sits back up and I realize he wasn't joking. I shift to face him, "Donghyuck."

I shakes his head and raises a hand, "I'm fine. It happens when you have liver cancer."

"Do you want to go home?"

He lets out an airy breath, "no, I don't want to fuck you where all the frat boys can hear and jerk off to your moans."

"Donghyuck , I'm being serious."

"I'm being serious too! I heard them talk about this before. It's disgusting."

I grip his wrist and squeeze it, "Donghyuck ."

He lets out a breath and kisses my nose, "I promise I'm good. It's a side effect of the chemo. I'll take this rather than lose my hair, for you, so you can say your hot boyfriend has good hair."

I frown and nod.

He places an arm on my shoulders when I don’t respond to his words the way he wants me to, "I'm sorry for killing the mood."

He pulls me close. I shake my head and place my cheek on his chest. I bring my hand to his collarbone. I begin to fiddle with the string of his hoodie. I kiss his neck and mumble, "... we can fuck in my dorm."

He pulls back and blinks. He weighs the sincerity in my words then blurts, "get in the car."

I'm not really one to play favorites, because I normally black out when people ask me what my favorite thing is, but if you were to ask me what my favorite memory was, it would be this:

"KUN YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH!" Donghyuck screams as he video calls the said bitch.

"HOW IS IT MY FAULT IT'S STORMING!" Kun screams back from the other side of the screen. Well, unlike Donghyuck who was actually screaming with his whole chest, Kun was whisper-yelling against the speaker of his phone.

Jaemin bends his knees up and down as he looked at the table, "I'm gonna tell him. I'm gonna tell him. I’m gonna tell him." Sana beside him shakes her head, "nooo, we still have to surprise Kun.”

"But I Sana, I want cake," Jaemin whines.

Sana kisses his cheek, "I know. But you know how much cake you already steal from Kun when he makes some.”

Jaemin whines at his girlfriends sense, “Finnnnee.”

Donghyuck whines, "It's on you for volunteering on your birthday."

"It's not my fault I like following schedules!"

"IT IS THOUGH!" Donghyuck screams again.

I mutter to Hyuck, "we should just tell him."

Donghyuck turns to me, "no, he has to see it himself."

"He might be stranded in the hospital all night at this rate."

Jaemin hears this and screams, "NO!"

Kun's voice chimes in, "Wait, did everyone break into my room with you?"

I grab Donghyuck’s phone and yell, "Surprise! We-" there is a chorus of screams when thunder strikes and the lights flicker.

Donghyuck comes up next to me, "oh shit, the call might cut off."

I turn to the screen and see Kun turn on and off his camera. I shake my head, "ha, ha, very funny Kun."

He mutes and unmutes himself, pretending to get cut off.

"We should have never thrown a surprise party for you!" Jaemin screamed.

Kun unmutes and opens his camera, "I never asked you to do that anyway!"

Jaemin bursts back, "well, sorry for being a good friend then! I'm eating this cake I bought for you and no one can stop me. I'm changing the ownership back to me!"

“Dude,” Donghyuck warns, “step away from the cake. Think of how happy Kun will be when he sees his favorite flavor.”

Jaemin’s face contorts, “how can happiness be real when EVERYTHING we feel are just chemicals in our,” he slams his pointer to his head, “brain?”

“How can ANYTHING be real when we only PERCIEVE THE WORLD FOR WHAT WE ARE AND NOT FOR WHAT IT IS?”

Sana and I turn to each other and begin to panic. Sana grabs Jaemin, “Nana, please-” “HOW ARE WE EVEN SURE WE’RE REAL WHEN WE COULD BE IN A FUCKING MATRIX AND NO ONE WOULD EVEN KNOW,” Jaemin screans, loosing breath.

I flip Donghyuck’s phone over and show him the wrapper, “look! It’s a watermelon.” Donghyuck pushes me aside and raises a finger, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE NUMBERS?”

Kun screams with a lot of feedback, "I’M STILL RIGHT HERE!”

I flip the phone back and smile at Kun. He was shaking his head, “you guys are a bunch of idiots, and regretfully your my idiots."

"Oh my gosh, Kun just confessed to us," I say in a high pitched squeal.

Kun laughs, "Just go and eat the cake to stop this mayhem. Leave me a slice. I'll hang up the call now."

Donghyuck grabs his phone back, "no, no, no, no. No one's hanging up."

And so Donghyuck set up his phone by the table and we celebrated Kun's birthday without him while it stormed outside.

I took it upon myself to tell the gang all of the embarrassing Kun stories I had, knowing he had no way to stop me. Of course he threatened to disconnect the call, but we all knew he wasn't going to do that.

Donghyuck stands from his seat and brings a forkful of cake to the screen, "aah."

Kun brings his phone into his mouth and then pulls back to his face with a smile.

I shout in protest, "EWWW CANCELLED."

Kun quicky barks, "Cancel your boyfriend first for being so tacky and gross."

"My boyfriend is cute! Unlike some people."

Jaemin, on his third slice, cheers and shakes his hand as if it hurt. He raises his arm while still holding a fork and cheers, "someone just got burnt with the truth."

"Can it, Jaemin."

Donghyuck sits back down, "if you have some gum with you, you can chew it and pretend you're eating chocolate cake."

Kun shakes his head, "how thoughtful, but I," a crack of thunder sounds in Kun's area, making him stop and turn to the window behind him. He continues, "don't have any gum."

After feasting on some cake, the four of us have a dance party, which starts with us laughing our asses off because of our horrible twerking and generally horrible dance moves, and ends with us slow dancing and falling asleep on the couch.

Kun ends the call a little before that because the rain had finally stopped.

When he got back to his dorm, he finds us sleeping on his bed. He put blankets over Jaemin and Sana and he sacrificed his own blanket for Donghyuck and- "you're finally here."

Kun looks at Donghyuck's groggy face and nods, "yeah. Go back to sleep."

"No wait," he whispers and shifts slightly in his spot, careful not to wake up anyone. "I have to tell you something."

Kun hums.

"You know how people write letters for the dead even though they can't hear it. Well, this almost dead man wrote a letter for his loved ones and that includes you. It's on the table."

Kun goes to the table and looks for the said letter.

"It's in a white envelope."

Kun spots it and grabs it soon after.

"You don't have to read it now, but I will tell you it's mostly what you may think it is: a thank you for being my friend, a good bye," he says, making Kun tear up and turn away from him.

Donghyuck frowns, "sorry for dampening your birthday mood. I just had to talk about that one favor I asked for in the letter."

Kun releases a shaky breath. Donghyuck continues, "I know you're supposed to give to the celebrant and not ask for something, but I feel like I'm about to Usain Bolt to the finish line real soon."

"Hyuck... don't worry about it. Just tell me."

When Kun looks back at his friend, he finds he's crying. Donghyuck sniffles then lets out a breath to calm himself. He takes a moment before saying, "please don't resent me for having her."

Kun is shocked by his words. He furrows his brows at the idea his friend could think that about him. Donghyuck heaves for a moment then licks the salt on his lips. He wipes his face, "don't resent me when she cries about me, cause I know you can't resent her."

"Donghyuck..."

"I know I sound crazy and stupid," he laughs in between his tears, "and I swear I'm not in love with you or anything, but you've been one of the realest friends I've had in a long time." He wipes his face again, "and the idea of you resenting me when I’m gone eats me up inside. I don't want you to hate me for hurting her, or for hurting you when I'm gone."

"Hyuk, I won't resent you, I promise."

Donghyuck raises a pinkie, "Promise?"

Kun breaks into a sad smile and wraps his pinkie around his, "promise."

Donghyuck releases a breath, "take care of her, okay?"

"Always."

And even though I heard every bit of their conversation, fighting back tears so not to expose myself, even though it was so bittersweet, it's still my favorite memory.

I never got to share another subject with Hyuck the next term, mostly because he never got to enroll as he checked in St. John's indefinitely.

I try not to think about how hard it was to visit him everyday, knowing well that each time could be the last. I didn't want to say it was torture, because I truly still felt that every day with him was a precious blessing.

I was copying Kun's homework when he woke up. I had a chair by the side of his hospital bed and I was using his mattress as my table.

"I told my mom not to let you in," he says, turning to his mom was was sitting on the couch in front of him.

I turn from my notes to Donghyuck 's sunken face.

His mom turns from her phone to his son and shakes her head, "I can't promise something so cruel, Heachan."

Unlike last the time he was confined, when he only looked like he had lost the color in his skin, he looked different. He lost a weight, the roundness of his cheeks disappeared, because refused to have IV fluid poked into him any longer. He still ate meals every hour, but he didn’t have much of an appetite.

The playful gleam in his eyes were faded. I tried to reignite it sometimes by cracking a joke or two, but he found it hard to smile... or to even look at me, as he admitted some days ago.

I turn to him and crack as smile, "it's the consequence for wanting to be my boyfriend so bad."

He doesn't respond to that and instead had his eyes focused on my notes. I turn to my notes as well then turn back to him, "It's advanced calculus. Gross right?"

He doesn't chuckle, "you're not highlighting?"

When he looks at me, I turn back to my notes and realize he was right. My mistake was playing it off, "I'm trying something new."

He doesn't like that, "don't say that."

I turn away from him when I feel tears prick in the corner of my eyes. I feel his cool hand grab mine. He seems to push my notebook away or something. I scratch my tears away and turn back to him. He leans in and I meet him halfway, standing from where I sat and pressing my lips on his cool ones.

His mom had already turned the air conditioning off, but he was still cold. I break away and pull the blankets on him up. He grabs my hand again and mutters, "I'll come back to you a healthy man, and finish college so we can get married and have healthy babies."

I hear his mom gasp.

The tears glassing my eyes blurred my vision. I blinked them away so I could see him better. My tears fall down to his blanket. I nod, "I'll wait."

He shakes his head, "not in this lifetime, okay?"

I let out a cry and bite my lip to shut myself up.

He wipes my tears and turns to his mom, "Is dad coming back soon?"

"Yes," his mom dashes to his side, "he's coming back with lunch any moment now."

He nods, "good. I want to tell him how much I love him."

His mom full on weeps now. Donghyuck grabs her hand and smiles at her, "I'm sorry I'm making you cry."

His mother shakes her head in disagreement.

"Thank you for giving birth to me and taking care of me even though I'm an adult."

She grabs her son's face and kisses it all around, "of course, baby. You're my only baby, and you will always be my baby."

Just then, his dad walks in with a plastic bag of food. Donghyuck's mother turns to him and calls his name. He immediately puts the food down and runs to his wife.

Donghyuck lets go of my hand and reaches out for his dad, "hi dad."

He takes his son's hand. "Hi son," his voice breaks and tears immediately stream down his eyes.

Donghyuck frowns, "I'm sorry I couldn't step up to be the man of the house."

He shakes his head, "you've always been the man of the house, son. You taught me a lot of things while you grew up."

Donghyuck pulls away and sighs, "I would have been a great dad, don't you think?" Hyuck turns to me then back to his dad. I immediately grab his hand again. He grips me back

"Better than your foolish old man."

"Ya," Donghyuck whispers, "I passed the hardest exam in the country. I get that from you."

For a brief moment, the three of us muffle our tears as Donghyuck relaxes his head and cries. His mother wipes his tears away.

Hyuck closes his eyes, "I'm sorry. I'm just so tired."

"It's okay baby. You can rest now. No more chemo. No more pain."

"That sounds nice," he exhales, “I’m glad won’t be buried bald.”

No one reacts.

He chuckles, “Too soon? Sorry. Bad habit.” He opens his eyes one last time and smiles, "it would probably be to stupid to ask you all to smile for me one last time, right?"

We all break into bitter laughs and smile at him the best we could.

He smiles back and looks at each of us, "I love you, mom. I love you, dad. I love you, baby."

We all say I love yous back and he closes his eyes. It isn't long before his grip in my hand loosens.

His mother begins to wail.

I turn to his hand and suddenly resent the sight of my notes in front of me. When some tears drop on the open page, I choke on my heart, seeing that Donghyuck managed to write I love you in the middle of my statistics notes.

"That's about it," I say to the girl who still had her head on my lap. I ask her, "did you like the story, Poppy?"

"It's so sad," she cries out. I turn to her not realizing she was scratching tears away from her face. I immediately pick her up and bring her into my arms, "aw, my baby girl, I didn't know you were crying."

She cries on my shoulder and I rub her back, trying to soothe her.

I see Kun from inside. He locks eyes with me, raising a brow accusingly as he points and mouths, "is that Poppy?" I give him a knowing look and he then makes his way out to the backyard. He shakes his head in disapproval, "and here I thought your days of hating children had ended."

I turn to him as he sits down, “Do you think I chose to have kids with you if it hadn’t?”

He sighs and pouts, holding Poppy's little hand, "why are you crying, sweetheart?"

When she doesn’t respond, I answer, "I told her about Donghyuck."

Kun's face of worry contorts into sadness, "oh."

Poppy begins to call out, "eomma!"

"Dear lord, did you make her cry?" Jaemin calls when he sees us. The girl immediately recognizes the voice and turns to run to her father, "appa!"

Jaemin picks up his daughter and coddles her, "why are you crying, huh? Did auntie hurt you? Should I teach her a lesson?"

She shakes her head, "It's so sad."

"What's sad?"

"Your friend Donghyuck. He died like Chichi." Chichi was their dog who she had grown up with.

Jaemin turns from his daughter, me, then back to his daughter, "Ah, it is sad, isn't it? I cried to when it happened, the way I cried when Chichi died. They were both were hurt. Now they’re together somewhere beautiful and are playing fetch!"

"Appa, I don't want to get sick, or you, or eomma."

"Eomma?" Sana repeats as she makes her way to her husband and daughter. She places a hand on her pregnant belly as he daughter continues to cry. She pouts the cute way she always does, “is my strong girl crying? Did you get hurt?”

She quickly calms her daughter down my making faces and tickling her. It isn’t long after that Poppy eventually breaks into a laugh.

Kun and I watch the parents in astonishment, "they're good."

"Dude, I don't think we could ever do that."

Kun raises a brow, "Hey, we're gonna be great parents." He says placing a hand on my otherwise flat stomach, “we kinda don’t have a choice.”

I shake my head, "maybe you will be, but I don't know about me."

"Ya, like I said, I’ll be here for you, both of you, alright?"

I finally break my gaze away from Jaemin and Sana and turn back to Kun, giving him a peck on his lips. He pulls me into a quick embrace and stands, “come on, I have something to show you.”

Kun leads me inside the restaurant and brings me to a bulletin board with seemingly endless pictures and notes stuck on them. He points at a picture by the top of the board, “can you tell me who that is?”

I cover my mouth and instantly feel tears run down my face.

Kun chuckles softly and pulls me in close, kissing me on the cheek, “you told me you haven’t been here before.”

“I told that to Haechan too,” I mutter, “oh gosh. I had completely forgotten about it.” I lean in to the picture, “look at how young I look.”

Kun laughs, “you’re acting like you’re 80.”

“WIth all the stress you put on my back, I feel like I am.”

Kun snorts, combing my hair and kissing my neck, “I won’t apologize for doing a good job, babe.”

We hear someone call for all the guests to come over, as Sana and Jaemin will finally be announcing what everyone came here for. We join the rest of the people in the party as Jaemin gets taught by a restaurant employee how to pop the party poppers.

We make a face at Jaemin’s confused face.

Kun shakes his head and whispers in my ear, “moron.” I laugh as Kun calls, “ask it the meaning of life?”

Jaemin gives Kun a knowing look as he brings the party popper close to his face, “YA! DON’T MESS THIS UP FOR ME!”

Everyone laughs, Sana especially practically beams.

We count down:

Jaemin turns to his wife, “ready?”

Sana nods and covers her ears, lips still curved into a smile.

Jaemin pops the confetti and a wave of pink bursts into the air. Sana giggles as she removes her hands from her ears and places her palms on her husband's face, giving him a kiss.

Jaemin picks up her daughter and bring her close to her mom, "you're going to have a sister!"

Poppy cheers, "YAY!!!!"

Kun and I cheer. Kun kisses my cheek, “that’s gonna be us soon.”

I turn to him and make a face, ”ew.”

He shakes his head and gives me another kiss.

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