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streamafterlaughter · 2 years ago

Text

New Kid

Chapter V: Lazy Sunday

MASTERLIST || chapter IV || playlist

summary: Eddie slept over last night, and you two plan to spend the day together, one good day this weekend where things don’t go horribly wrong

tags: eddie munson x reader, afab!nb!gn!reader, MORE ANGST, fluff, teasing, flirty eddie, mutual pining, smut tease (minors DNI), possible secondhand embarrassment warning lol, shared trauma, weed (assume all chapters have weed involved)

a/n: IM SORRY FOR ALL THE TEASING i love that pre dating butterflies shit okay i’m sorry!! Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated. now for the fun part ;)

Eddie’s POV

I definitely could have kissed them then, Eddie kicks himself for not making a move. Your lips were right there! Less than an inch away! But, they also could have kissed me…

You exit the bathroom, wearing a baggy Looney Tunes shirt, and once again no pants. It’s like you’re trying to kill him. He’d be happy to go though, if it meant the last thing he got to see was you. You crawl back into your spot on the bed, cocooning yourself in your many blankets. Eddie does the same, his feet brushing yours briefly. It isn’t late, and Eddie isn’t the least bit tired. He doesn’t want to sleep, fearing all the minutes he’d miss where he could be talking to you instead. “I had a lot of fun today.” He finally says, lying on his side to face you.

“Me too. It seems we’re cursed to have wonderful days end in fire, though.” It’s dramatic, but the only two days the two of you have been together have both ended less than amicably. He’d do it again and again if it meant he got to spend his days with you.

“Psh, serves us right, worshiping the devil and all.” He makes you laugh, and he wants to record it, play a tape of it on loop forever. Without thinking, Eddie reaches a hand up to your face, tucking a stray hair behind your ear before resting his palm on your cheek. He feels you warm under his touch, watching your eyes close as your mouth curls into a smile. He’s about to move his hand when you turn your face into his palm, kissing the heel of his hand. Eddie’s stomach flips as your kiss sends goosebumps up his arm. Eventually, you both fall asleep like that, breathing in unison.You don’t wake up screaming this time.

—

Your POV

Today, you wake up first. Sundays always make you sad, signifying the end of your weekend, a day for finishing homework and cramming for midterms before all your tests this week. You open your eyes slowly, squinting at the sunlight coming through your window. Your back is to Eddie, and you feel his arm wrapped around your waist, his breathing even. It’s the most comfortable you’ve let yourself be with someone, despite neither of you being capable of telling the other.

You don’t want to wake him, but you feel your stomach rumble, a lack of lasagna in your stomach.

You turn around slowly, sure to keep his arm in place around you. He’s sound asleep, his lips slightly parted, face peaceful. You could watch him sleep all day if it weren't for your stomach slowly eating itself from hunger.

Finally, Eddie shifts onto his back, his arm abandoning you in the process. He stretches it above his head, opening his eyes and immediately meeting your gaze. “Good morning.” He says, a tired rasp in his voice.

“Good morning. How’d you sleep?”

“Like a log. So did you, it seems?”

“Yeah, through the whole night and everything.” Thank god, you think, you’re not sure what you would’ve done if you’d woken Eddie up screaming again.

“You talk in your sleep.” Eddie says, shifting into a sitting position.

“You’re lying.” No he’s not, you know you do. It’s usually something completely irrelevant, but that doesn’t stop the fear of not knowing what you said with Eddie in your bed.

“I’m not! It was cute.”

“What did I say?”

“A lot, most of it nonsense. Something about lemurs at one point.” Relief floods through you, grateful you didn’t out yourself in your sleep. “You said I was extremely sexy.”

A lump forms in your throat, your mouth is suddenly dry, while the rest of your face breaks into a sweat. You blink rapidly, attempting to free the tears welling in your eyes. He looks at you closely, as if studying your reaction, before letting go a sudden cackle. “I’m kidding!”

You release the breath you didn’t know you were holding, and nervously laugh with him. “You’re awful!” You accuse, swinging your feet onto the floor. “I’m gonna take a shower, you feel like going to breakfast?”

“Sure you’re not sick of me yet?”

“There is nothing to get sick of.”

“Psh, whatever, go shower, I’ll be here, and totally not thinking about you in there.” You snap your head to look at him.

Eddie reaches over to your bedside table, picking up your beaten copy of The Bell Jar. He opens it to the first page before glancing up at you, frozen in place while you process what just came out of his mouth.

Eddie doesn’t explain himself, but lifts his hand and shoos you away. You don’t know what to say, what the fuck could you say?! You stumble into the bathroom, clicking the lock behind you.

—

Eddie’s POV

He pushes your comforter off of him, revealing the tent in his briefs. Shit, I guess I took my own joke too seriously. He should probably take care of it before you come out, because seeing you dripping from the shower definitely won't help. Being the genius that he is, he knows not to go to town on himself in your bed. It would make a mess, and with his luck you’d catch him jerking it and never look at him again.

Instead, Eddie slowly gets off your bed, lighter on his feet than any ballerina to ever exist. He tiptoes to the bedroom door, locks it, then gently sits on the floor in front of the bathroom. This way, he thinks in his horny boy brain, he’ll be able to hear you turn the water off.

Eddie breathes deeply, making sure he can hear the water behind the door. Sure enough, the spray of the water is clear as day. Underneath it, he can even hear you singing Hit Me With Your Best Shot at almost full volume. He decides it’ll be a silent session, knowing the thinness of the walls works both ways.

He works quickly, feeling the ache in his groin grow stronger with the sound of your voice so close. He pulls his underwear down just enough to free his dick from the confines. He spits in his hand, slightly disgusted with his desperate need for relief. He banishes the thought from his mind, grabbing at his cock with his now slick hand. He grips it securely, moving his fist rapidly to the sound of your voice.

He lets his mind wander, closing his eyes as the feeble attempt at release continues. He pictures you as you must be, completely naked, under hot, running water. You’re covered in a soapy lather, smoothing it into your skin. He pictures himself with you, undressing himself before entering the shower, hugging your naked body to his as the water bathes you both. He pictures kneeling before you, taking you in his mouth while your hands knot in his hair. He envisions detaching your shower head, bringing it to your clit to watch you squirm while he busies himself kissing your neck. Desperately, he imagines bending you over, fucking you while the water hits your back, while you fight to keep your footing as he makes you come against the tile.

His thoughts escape him, growing less and less appropriate as he brings himself to climax. He shoots his load into his hand while groaning quietly, and immediately wipes it on the inside of his shirt.

—

Your POV (occurring simultaneously with Eddie’s)

You try to steady yourself, looking at your reflection in the small bathroom mirror, taking deep breaths. Thinking about me? In here? Is he serious? He can’t be serious. You go around like this for a good two minutes, justifying his words to yourself. Finally, you decide to relieve yourself of some stress. You’ve earned it after spending the entire weekend with Eddie and not jumping his bones.

You shed your clothes, dropping them in the hamper beside the sink. You wait for the water to warm, singing Pat Benatar’s Hit Me With Your Best Shot, a go to showering tune. Once in the tub, you free your hands to roam your body, reaching your fingers between your legs to feel the wetness that had accumulated long before showering. You lean against the cold tile, bringing your middle finger to play with your clit, rubbing eager circles, letting your imagination run wild.

You imagine Eddie in your bed, reading your book. You picture exiting the bathroom, forfeiting the towel as soon as he looks from the book to you. You stroll over to him, still dripping wet from the shower, completely naked, and crawl on top of him. Because it’s your daydream, of course he welcomes you, taking you by the waist and sitting you on his lap. You can almost feel his hard cock under you, and you stifle a moan into your shoulder, hoping Eddie can’t hear you sinning from the bed. The daydream continues until you've grown desperate, yanking your shower head from the wall and bringing it between your legs. Finally, your knees shake as you orgasm, thinking of Eddie’s head between your thighs as you do. Once you compose yourself, you shut the water off, feeling somehow much dirtier than when you got in.

—

Eddie’s POV

Eddie scrambles from his spot on the floor when he hears the water turn off. He grabs his jeans and pulls them on, jumping as he struggles to get them over his sweaty legs. He turns around to find you, wrapped only in a towel, watching as he fumbles for his belt.

“I uh, forgot my clothes.” You say, not meeting his eyes. He cant help but feel flattered by your flustered reaction. There may be hope for him yet.

“Who needs ‘em.” He lets himself flirt with you, accepting that if you wanted him to stop, you’d tell him.

You hide your face from him, not willing to let him know his comment makes your stomach flip “Uh, we do, if we’re going to breakfast.” You pull a U2 shirt your dad got you when he saw them live, and a pair of acid wash distressed jeans. You throw a second shirt, a Blondie one you bought too big, at his chest. “For your modesty.” You laugh as he looks at Debbie Harry’s face, then back to yours.

“Seriously?”

“You’re the one with their tape in your car!” Before he can argue, you skip back to the bathroom to change, and probably splash some cold water on your face.

When you come back, he’s put the shirt on, and it hugs his chest and arms with just enough give that it accentuates his lean figure without looking too tight. “Looks good.” You mean it, and he thanks you with a stupid grin.

—

Your POV

“C’mon, I’ll drive!” You shout, scooping your keys from the hook at the front door. “Bye, parents!” You call, running out the door with Eddie right on your heels. In the car, you plug in your Judas Priest tape, something you only remembered you had seeing the poster on Eddie’s wall. Eddie busts out his best air guitar to Breaking the Law, and you chime in with the best metal rasp you can muster. There I was completely wasting, out of work and down All inside it’s so frustrating as I drift from town to town, Feel as though nobody cares if I live or die, So I might as well begin to put some action in my life, You know what it’s called… You reach the diner, a humble building on the outskirts of town. “We stopped here on our way in, I assume you’ve been here?”

“Believe it or not, I haven’t. I never really come this way.” The diner is close to the edge of town, something Eddie only ventures out of to visit War Zone when he makes enough for a new leather jacket, and that’s in the other direction.

“Well, their pancakes are to die for.”

The waitress at the host stand is a frazzled middle aged lady, wearing an apron covered in coffee stains. The diner bustles before you, women speed walking from table to table, serving mugs of coffee and plates of steaming eggs and bacon. The waitress greets you with a big, fake smile, and leads you to a booth in the far corner. “What can I get ya started with, lovebirds?” She asks, her pad and pen at the ready.

“Oh, we’re not-“ Eddie starts, but you interrupt, “We will have two coffees, one black, one with room for milk, and two short stacks of your chocolate chip pancakes. Oh! And two sides of bacon, please.” You hand the menus back to her, and she nods, walking off to the kitchen. “Trust me?” You reach your arms across the table, and Eddie takes your hands and nods.

Eddie’s POV

“So? You ask, stuffing the fluffy pancake in your mouth. Eddie makes a scene of cutting into his own slowly, bringing it to his lips, and chewing it carefully. He closes his eyes, as if cutting off one of his senses will amplify the others. Once he swallows, he opens his eyes wide, rolling them back into his head. “Fucking delicious.”

You beam at him, grateful to watch him enjoy himself, and pour maple syrup on your bacon. Eddie gives you a look of feigned disgust. You wave a sticky strip at him. “Try it!”

He obliges eagerly, taking a bite from the bacon still in your hand. You wait for his response, and after a minute of deciding, he says, “I’ll never doubt you again.”

For a while, you eat in silence, each in your own head as you watch the people bustle around the restaurant. When you’ve finished half your plate, Eddie speaks. “What are we doing today?”

You look up from your plate to meet his gaze. “We’re doing something right now aren’t we?”

“I mean, after this. You got any plans?”

“I’m at your disposal, if you’ll have me.”

Eddie can’t help the laugh that leaves his throat. If only you knew how badly it aches to think of going home. Not after the weekend you’ve both had. “There’s a decent record store downtown, if you’re interested?”

You nod your head vigorously.

When the check comes, you both reach for it. “Hey, you drove.” Eddie insists, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. You go to protest, but he holds a hand up to shush you, pulling two crisp 20s from the center fold, placing it under his empty mug. You cross your arms, twisting your face into a pout. “I am an empowered person, I can take care of myself.” You joke.

“I totally agree with you. But I also want you to save that money for the dime you’re about to drop on music.” He won’t hear your rebuttal, so you slide out of the booth, and he rises behind you.

—

Your POV

Eddie directs you through Hawkins, letting himself slip into tangents involving the places you pass. “And there is where I spent the night for public intoxication,” He points out your window to the Hawkins Police Department. “Chief Hopper stayed with me that night. I was only sixteen, walking home from a party, and he was out patrolling. He called my house, but no one came to pick me up. Dad was on a bender, mom was… god knows where.” You listen to every word as he glosses over his troubled adolescence. You feel deeply sad for him, and yearn to go back in time and tell your parents to move to Indiana four years earlier. “Here we are!” You pull up to a plaza, containing a pizza place that’s closed on Sundays, a nail salon, and the record store, aptly named Record Scratches. Eddie holds the door to the shop for you, the bell ringing lightly as you enter.

Inside, the walls are lined with shelves and shelves of records, both pristinely cling wrapped as well as old and dusty. Through the store speakers, you can just make out the words to Close To Me by The Cure: I’ve waited hours for this, I’ve made myself so sick, I wish I’d stayed asleep today, I never thought this day would come. The kid at the counter cant be older than sixteen, dressed in a denim jacket layered over a Tears for Fears shirt. “Hey, Liam!” Eddie greets him, and he returns the hello with an excited wave.

“Hi, Eddie! Welcome back.”

“This is Y/N, I’m sure they’ll become a frequent patron of yours.” You give the kid a wave that he returns. “Let me know if you need help with anything, though Eddie could probably help you better than I could.” He says, then returns to taking inventory of the box of vinyl on the counter.

Eddie migrates to the metal section, while you linger around the punk records towards the middle. You brush the covers of Bad Brains, Black Flag, The Clash, and Dead Kennedys. At the end of each aisle are cassette tapes of more music, perfect for playing in your car. You decide there that you’ll get Eddie something, preferably that you like and have confidence he’ll also enjoy. You look over to him, engrossed in the art of a Motörhead record. After plenty of consideration, you choose The Runaways self titled record, remembering how you would play You Drive Me Wild in the car on your way to your guitar lessons, giving yourself something to work towards: You know when you’re close, you really turn me on. That’s why I want you so bad when you’re gone, Yeah! Come on, come on and take me home, Please stay with me, and don’t you leave me alone… You decide to grab Kate Bush’s Hounds of Love on vinyl as well, currently only possessing it as a cassette tape.

—

Eddie’s POV (simultaneously with yours)

He settles toward the back of the store, where the metal records collect dust in a dark corner, isolated even in his favorite place. He wants to get you a record, something that proves he’s got good taste, but will still impress you. He looks up at you, across the store, digging in the punk records. He watches the way you smile when you find a record you’re looking for, inspecting used ones for scratches. Selfishly, he wants you like this all the time. A lazy Sunday spent with you at a diner, a record store, or even on the couch. He scours over the collection, barely bigger than his own. A few jump to mind: Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Judas Priest. He knows you like those bands, though, leaving very little to his imagination. He wants to wow you, for some reason. He finds you difficult to read, still not able to tell how you feel about him. He goes over every shelf, it seems, inspecting records for tracks that trigger something within him, that compel him to purchase it for someone like you.

He’s about to lose hope when he spots it, tucked away in the back of the wrong lettered section: Metal Health by Quiet Riot. He recalls the lyrics to Love’s A Bitch fondly, Love’s got me by the ass again, I’ve been in love since I don’t know when, I keep running and I don’t know why, Love’s given me a crock of lies, out of breath and I’m out of time. He tucks the record under his arm, and decides to also grab himself a copy of Autoamerican on his way by the alternative section, swearing not to tell you.

—

Your POV

“I got you something.” Eddie says as you exit the shop, and you look at him with disbelief.

“You’re not gonna believe this, but I got you something, too.”

Eddie gives you a smile, curing you of any nerves. “On three?”

“One”

Two,”

“Three!” You both pull records out of your bags. “Autoamerican? I have that already.”

Eddie does a double take. “Shit.” He switches the record for Quiet Riot’s, handing it to you. You hand him the Runaways album, and take yours from his hand. The cover shows a man in a straight jacket and a mask that looks like a jail for your face. He inspects the Runaways record, flipping it to read the tracks on the back.

“Thank you,” you whisper it, almost not wanting him to hear you.

“You wanna go home and listen?” Eddie asks, an excited smile spread across his face.

“Yours or mine?”

“Whichever,” he shrugs, thinking home is wherever you are. You decide to go back to yours to switch into Eddie’s van before going to his.

—

Eddie’s POV

At the trailer, he opens the door to the van, then his front door for you. “Player’s in my room.” He points loosely to the back of the trailer, grabbing his supply of weed off the kitchen counter to bring with him.

He enters the room, eyeing as you slip Metal Health from its sleeve, placing it gently in the player. He can’t lie to himself, he’s ecstatic you chose to listen to that one first.

The first track, named for the album, starts at a low volume, but he watches you crank it as he lights a joint, banging your head to the beat.

Eddie doesn’t know what comes over him, but he takes you by the hand, dragging you to the middle of his bedroom. He twirls you like he would at a prom, grooving in time with you. When you’re facing him again, he brings the joint up to your lips and watches you inhale. Your face is flushed, hair still windblown from the drive over. The chorus kicks in, Bang your head, Metal health’ll drive you mad, and you jump on top of the bed, bouncing up and down as you continue obeying, whipping your head around like Eddie did the night of the Corroded Coffin show.

He watches you in awe, admiring your lack of inhibition, truly enjoying yourself. You’ve got the brightest smile on your face as you point at Eddie, telling him to join you on your makeshift stage.

When the guitar solo starts, Eddie whips out the trusty air guitar, hopping on the bed with you. As the song fades into the next track, the two of you flop down on the bed, laughing and out of breath.

“What are we doing?” Eddie yells over the music.

“Enjoying ourselves!” You shout back, flinging his arms around his neck, bringing him into a bear hug. He hugs you back, no hesitation about it, and holds you there for a minute, relishing in the smell of your hair as it tickles his nose.

When you loosen your grip, but you hover in front of his face, your own inches away, arms still clasped around him.

“That’s not what you meant, was it?”

“Not exactly, but you’re right. I have been enjoying myself.”

“But is that enough for you?” You reach over to turn the music down so you don’t have to shout. Your eyes are filled with concern, and his heart melts.

“More than enough. Is it enough for you?”

You shake your head briefly, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this weekend.”

“Do tell.” His heart aches with anticipation.

You’re silent for a second, considering your words carefully. “I didn’t come here planning to make friends. I wanted to focus on school, get the hell out, and then worry about my social life.”

Eddie nods, feeling his heart crack as he looks at you.

“But,” You pause, adjusting your grip around his neck, “that’s not what happened. I met you. And I’m so glad I did.”

Eddie breaks into another huge smile then, moving his arms to wrap around your waist as you both shift in the bed. He speaks finally, “I’m so fucking glad I met you.” He’s had it with the subtleties, he moves one arm from your waist to tuck a flyaway behind your ear, focusing on your ear instead of your eyes.

—

Your POV

The warmth of his hand heats your face, surely making it redder than it already is. You look at him, at his lips: pink and so unbelievably soft, his pupils large making dark brown eyes almost black. The dimple in his cheek grows as he meets your eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks you, barely a whisper.

“How badly I want you to kiss me.” The words leave your mouth before you can stop them, and you look away. It’s the first time you admit it, and you feel a weight lift off your chest. Your heart beats faster, and it’s so loud in your ears that you’re convinced he can hear it too.

“Yeah?” Eddie cups a hand under your chin. He doesn’t seem fazed by your words. In fact, he seems elated to hear it, quirking an eyebrow at you, almost skeptical.

You take his hand from your face and move it over the left side of your chest. “Does it feel like I’m joking right now?”

He looks from your face to where his hand sits, right on top of your breast with your full consent. The look of shock is quickly replaced with one of mischief. As if you couldn’t get any warmer, the words leave his lips so close to yours that his breath is hot on your face. “Kiss me first.” You shake your head as if the entire scene is taking place in your brain rather than right in front of you. He leans further into you, taking your face back in his hand. He’s an inch, less than that, away from your lips, you can almost taste him. Your eyes close slowly, and you pucker your lips as subtly as you can manage… and nothing happens.

Instead of connecting your lips, he widens his smile, watching your reaction to his teasing. You open one eye to catch him gawking at your face. “What the hell?”

A cackle breaks the tension as Eddie throws his head back. It shatters you, watching him find amusement in your vulnerability. So much so, you decide then and there that your seven minutes in Heaven are over. He’s still laughing as you mumble “I gotta go.” shoving off of Eddie’s bed to go look for your shoes. You stifle your tears as your chest heaves, threatening to burst right in front of Eddie. “Wait, Y/N, I didn’t mean—“ You slam his bedroom door behind you and make a run for the outside.

“Wait, hold on!” Eddie calls for you, but it’s too late. You’ve slipped outside, abandoning the record in the player, storming out of his trailer with a slam of the door.

“Y/N!” Eddie calls from the porch as you stomp out of earshot. It’s pouring now, and you totally forgot you switched cars, so you’re stuck walking home, a direction you barely remember when you’re not crying.

You faintly hear Eddie calling for you, and he’s sure to at least follow to the edge of the park, but you don’t turn around. You’ll walk the block for an hour in the rain, maybe, clear your head. Was this all a fucking joke to him? Did he not feel anything for you? He did a great fucking job pretending.

There’s about an inch of water in your shoes as you exit onto the main road. Maybe a nice truck driver will pick you up, whisking you away from this Hellish town with its charming, beautiful, and deceitful boys. You don’t bother to hide your tears anymore, no one can see them in the rain.

“Y/N! I’m sorry!” Eddie’s voice is closer now, but you don’t dare turn around until you feel him tug on your shoulder, forcing you to face him.

“What the fuck was that?” You whip around to look up at him, the rain dripping from his hair into his face, soaking into his clothes the same way it must be yours. “That shit’s not funny.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to hurt your feelings. I just—I was so surprised.”

“What? Surprised that I actually believed you’d kiss me?! How fucking dare I, honestly?” You spit your words with a harsh venom behind them. “With you looking at me the way you do, touching me the way you do. Forgive me, Eddie, for thinking I had a sliver of a chance with you.” It feels like you’re losing your mind, having deluded yourself into believing Eddie felt the same way you do. “You know what, you’re a fucking freak.” You both flinch at the word when it leaves your lips, and you instantly regret it. It’s a low blow, and one you’ve been on the receiving end of plenty of times. “Eddie, I—“

“No, it’s okay. I deserve that. I am. What type of person falls for someone over the course of one week? Who else laughs when they finally get the chance they’ve been wishing for since day one? I wanted to kiss you. I want to kiss you now. But, I can’t.”

“What the fuck does that even mean, Eddie? It sounds like you don’t want to kiss me.”

“It means once I kiss you, that’s it. No one’s left wondering what could have been. I have been wracking my brain trying to figure you out, the best way to do it, and I’ve come up with nothing. I’ve had so many chances and none of them felt good enough. I wanted to make it special, and when the opportunity finally revealed itself, I fucked it up!” He flails his arms above his head in exasperation, shouting over the sound of rain on the roofs of the trailers behind him. “I was so desperate to get this right that I made it so much worse.”

“And you don’t think spending this whole weekend together; comforting each other through being beaten up, my nightmares, my grandmother, staying up all night to talk, falling asleep in each other’s beds— you don’t see how special any of that is? I had so many opportunities to go home, Eddie. I could have bolted after the party Friday, could have sent you home when I saw my grandmother. You could have kicked me out after my episode, told me to go fuck myself and sleep on the couch. Not fucking once did I want to leave you until you laughed at me like that.” Your voice breaks, and you release a chest rattling sob into the air. “Why would you laugh at me like that?” The question barely escapes before you let yourself cry.

Your question hangs over his head like an anvil, guilt clouding his vision. Eddie covers his face with his hands, half to stifle a cry of his own, half to wipe the rain from his face. “I didn’t mean to laugh. I was so… shocked by what you said, I didn’t know what to do. I panicked. No one’s ever told me they want to kiss me and meant it, especially someone I want to kiss. I guess… I didn’t believe you.” The words break your heart into even smaller pieces. You dare take a step closer to Eddie, quietly so he can’t hear you do so over the rain. You drag your feet closer to where he stands, eventually your toes only an inch apart. He notices, looking up from his feet to squint at you through the storm. “I am so fucking sorry.”

“I guess it’s okay.” You swat the tears from your eyes. “You should probably grovel, though, just to make sure.”

Eddie doesn’t hesitate. He drops to his knees, soaking them through with mud as he clasps his hands together in prayer. “Please, Y/N, forgive me for all I’ve done. I live to serve you and you alone. What shall I do to make it up to you?”

You bend down to his eye level, cupping his chin in your hand. His skin is wet under your equally rain soaked touch, your thumb slipping quickly over his bottom lip. “Whatever you feel is appropriate.” You tease before standing again, walking past him back to his trailer.

Before you can get far, he grabs your wrist, using you to pull himself back up. In one swift motion, you’re spun to face him, and he closes the space between you, finally connecting his lips to yours. It’s as if the storm has stopped, as if the world freezes on its axis in the brightest sunspot, your whole body melting with his touch. You’re numb to the rain, only concentrating on how soft his lips are on yours, the way his fingers grip your hips, the way he tastes like weed, cigarettes, and mint. You wrap your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers in his wet hair, and he lifts you off your feet, making sure your lips stay securely connected.

“I should get you home, huh?” He says, ending the kiss much to your disapproval, that stupid smile back on his face as he puts you on the ground. You give him a pout in response, and he plants a second, too-quick kiss on your lips. “C’mon, we can throw your clothes in the dryer before you leave.” He holds out his hand for you to take, and you do, following Eddie back into his trailer.

chapter VI

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81 notes · View notes

lordbib · 3 years ago

Note

Hi lord, are you still accepting asks? If so, 7,22,25,30. Have a great day!

7. 3 fruits that you love the most

1. mango!! its my grandpas favorite and whenever i go to my grandparents house he still cuts it up for me. My favorite is mangga gedong which is more colourful and is the best manggo in general

2. Durian!! its good and its not stinky i love it. i also used to eat this with my grandpa on ramadan after we break the fast.

3. Longan! they're nice and sweet and i can eat a lot of them like rlly fast. i can finish a pack of them in an hour or less hdjsgf.

honorable mention (im too indesicive leave me alone): raspberries! best berry fight me

22. 3 movies/books/tv shows that made you cry

ok but disclaimer EVERYTHING makes me cry

1. Inside out. Bing Bong. Traumatic.

2. Banana Fish. Self explanatory i was sobbing by the second episode holy shit it was bad. 9th episode i had to take 2 days not continuing out of sadness.

3. A Silent Voice. this hit me HARD i was sobbing baddd. Just how symbolic and how it explains the two povs of bully and bullied is just amazing. Go watch it.

25. 3 people you’d never get tired of

i cant choose so this will be like 20 dif ppl

1. My cousins Adri, Nay, and Jin. (tbh especially Jin) jhsdf. We've been really close since we were babiess. Me and Jin are 6 months apart in age and went to school together for like 10 years so yaa we basically saw each other everyday. Adri and i are further apart in age so i dont share my secrets as much with her then i do with Nay and Jin. Nay and i are reallyy close but not as close as me and Jin. Also Nay is currently in boarding school so sadly i only talk to her every two weeks or so.

2. Irls! my friends from my old school who ive known for 8+ years, and also friends from my current school!! Me and the girls from my old school still talk everyday and vc sometimess we have weekly zoom game times. Also my closest friend Sha who isnt answering my dm rn smh (thats a joke shes in school hihi) she is the one who got me into kpop (suprise i like kpop i might post more abt it later on)

3. proceeds to tag all of the levihan server naur but i genuinely never get tired of them hdjfg. let me attempt this hollup. @gremlinelrics @immagoudaboi @callantry @solborealis @mello-jello my lovely parents <3 love u all. also @glassesandswords and @renrampant are technically also my parents but Rens also my sister. dont question it our family tree is a tumbleweed. @snudootchaikovsky my dear grandma <3 @thexanwillshine my dear mother <3 holy shit how will i do this @malunggaybe @lilnazx @mashedpotatoforhanjo @thehyscriptures my dear siblings <3 and also all of these ppl:

@chili-aux @oyzoe @bluesylveon2 @cherryhatesmaths @djmarinizelablog @clickerisha @agoldenheartedsnkfan @free-pancakes @fanmoose12 and so many others i absolutely love with my heart but im way too scared to tag them omg scer sorry for the tag love u all sm <3 i would never get tired of all of u the server is very dear to my heart and i love u all <33

30. 3 moments you could never forget

(ill leave the trauma out of this hsdhs)

1. moving from my school of 10 years and also my friends of 10 years (during a goddamned pandemic too) but it was genuinely a sad and memorable moment a lot of experiences at that school and with those people are also very memorable

2. eids at my grandparents with my family eating, talking, playing. The last 2 eids we havent been able to do that because of the pandemic so i miss it a lott.

3. holidays with my mom! Theyre always really fun

#<3 #SORRY FOR THE TAG #ALSO I DELIBERATELY MISSED MANY PPL BCS IM SCARED HAHAHSHASH #PLS TELL ME IF I MISSED ANYONE

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floralkittygambler · 4 years ago

Text

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’. DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not. HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment. I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief. For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions. In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair. Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity. On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd. There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings). Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond. A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross. In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute. Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative. The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average. Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing. Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy. Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow. Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship. Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this. The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label. Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour. I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it. Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics. I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble. Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke. This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars, @galemalio (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz, @critical-hazbin, @what-the-hazbin, @hazboobhotel, @pineapple-critiques-stuff, @devils-advocutie, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin critical #anti huskerdust sorry folks #vivienne medrano #criticism #toxic relationships in fiction #how fiction impacts the real world #yeah im a wimp who cares?#hazbin needs to change for the better #concerned fan #dont be another yandev #dont be another yansim #stans and antis dni #stans and antis will be blocked and reported #hope this gives justice to my hero about the rl effects of addiction #rest easy Kiddas got this #still shitting myself #read more wont work sorry

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shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years ago

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hit list ryan sitkowski x reader

+++++++++ Disclaimer: Cory isn't part of their actual crew lol, technically an OC

its mostly edited but if i missed anything sorry lol

Song: getting away with murder by papa roach

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee @cynic-spirit @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @thisplace-ishaunted +++++++++

"Anybody know where the packing list went?"

I asked, ducking out of the storage trailer. A few of the crew guys looked around at each other for a second before shaking their heads no. I sighed in defeat before going back in and looking through the boxes again. Then I heard someone clear their throat and immediately knew.

"Looking for this?"

Cory said a little cocky. I rolled my eyes and stood up, looking at him annoyed.

"Yeah actually, if I could have it back that'd be great."

He smirked at me.

"I'll think about it."

I glared at him.

"I need it to set up the merch booth asshole, give it back."

I demanded, making him laugh.

"No, I don't think I will."

I watched in frustration as he tucked it under his arm and walked out of the trailer.

"Cory give it back!"

I yelled, following him further into the lot.

"Nope."

He said, keeping his pace up. I practically jogged to keep up with him.

"Why are you so mean to me?"

I asked, getting in front of him and him coming to a halt before he could run into me. He leaned forward to look me eye to eye.

"Because I don't like you. You distract the guys and you're annoying. You are constantly loosing shit like this and I don't think you should be working with motionless anymore."

He said firmly before side stepping me and getting on the bus. I stood there for a second trying not to let his words get to me. I opened and closed my fist a few times before turning and swinging the bus door open, standing in front of me was Ryan looking a little bewildered.

"Hi."

He said with wide eyes.

"Hey, uh did you see Cory?"

He looked back up into the bus for a second before looking back to me and nodding. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"He stole the packing list for the merch and he won't give it back."

I watched him draw his brows together before stepped back up the stairs. I was confused for a second so I decided to follow him.

"Hey Cory, can I see the merch list man? I was told something was missing."

Cory looked like a deer in headlights before nodding and handing it over.

"Thanks man."

Ryan scanned it over, my eyes never once leaving Cory who looked like he couldn't wait for the list back.

"I'll get this to it's rightful owner so we can get that merch back."

Ryan nodded once before turning around. He sent me a look as he walked past me and I stood there a little flabbergasted as he left the bus. Cory tried to hide the snicker escaping his body but it didn't work very well. I open and closed my mouth for a second before taking charge off the bus to find Ryan back. To my surprise he was already half way across the lot, on his way to the trailer where the rest of the crew guys were.

"Ryan wait!"

I called, speed walking to get to him. He didn't answer though, he just kept walking. When I finally made it to him he was standing in the circle of crew guys.

"Ryan I really need that back."

I said a little out of breath, looking around at the other guys.

"And that is why I'm gonna give it back, but also why these guys are gonna try to keep Cory away from you."

I drew my brows a little as he looked to them again.

"Oh, uh, okay."

I said, him nodding to me and walking into the trailer. I stepped in behind him, making sure he didn't set the list somewhere I wouldn't be able to get back to it.

"Why do you deal with him?"

Ryan asked, tucking the list into a box and crossing his arms over his chest. I felt a little lost at the question, shrugging at him.

"I don't know, cause he's part of the crew?"

Ryan scoffed at me.

"Well what do you want me to say? I have to work twice as hard because of him but it's not like there is much I can do. He has been trying to get rid of me since tour started."

Ryan drew his brows.

"He's trying to get rid of you?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Evidently I'm distracting and don't do my job right."

Ryan laughed and I looked at him confused.

"And he's an expert? Also you are not distracting. If anything, having you around is a blessing, cause you kind of give us a break from work."

I looked down and nodded, that was reassuring I guess.

"Thanks."

He placed his hand gently on my shoulder, making me look back up at him.

"If it makes you feel any better, we've been talking with everyone and you aren't the only one having problems with Cory."

My eyes got wide.

"It's kinda looking like he won't be coming back too."

Ryan said and I tried hard to hide the smile creeping its way to my face.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

I said degenerately. Ryan laughed a little at me before pulling me into a hug.

"Aren't we all."

He said amused. i hugged him back for the second we were in each others arms.

"hey, how about after tour we go to dinner to celebrate. id love to take you out sometime."

my jaw practically hit the floor.

"like a friend thing?"

i said a little dibelieving and he laughed.

"i mean i was thinking more of like a date but if youd rather-"

i held my hand hout.

"no!"

i said a little loudly, retreating into myself.

"no, what i mean is yes id love to go on a date with you. are you sure?"

i asked and he laughed again, nodded.

"y/n, i wouldnt have asked if i wasnt sure."

i could feel the heat rising to my face.

"then its a date."

i said in confirmation. he shook his head in amusement, side stepping me.

"im gonna go get ready for the set, ill see you after. try not to get too riled up by cory again before i get back."

i saluted him as he walked out of the trailer.

"will do."

#wattpad #x reader #281 #ryan sitkowski #miw #imagines #one shots

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mickadamz · 5 years ago

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Okay, you're my go-to for Supernatural stuff, and I'm in need of some hurt/comfort destiel. do you have any fics you can recommend?

im ur go to........

OK but fr i'll hook u up bro... im probably missing a few thins bc i sometimes read while logged out and i lose shit all the time but here r the best ones i have rn.. i hope they're sufficient LMAO

semi canon compliant:

I'm Extremely Old, I Think I'm Entitled by sandean_cas is short and a little funny and not rly hurt/comfort-y until the very end but i like it

Counting Every Blessing by tale_to_tell fucked me up but its RLY good. it's a case fic and boy it hurt but its worth it

All the Poor and Powerless, also by tale_to_tell is another OUCH that HURTS. they have an entire series of fics like this but all the ones in the collection end w/ a happy ending otherwise i wouldnt be giving you this

EDIT: I FORGOT THIS but the cost of a thing ALSO by our dearest wanderingcas had me so fucked up. loved it. i cant remember what season it was based around but i think it's an alternate season 9 au.

AU:

if u have a lot of time and patience, Stay With Me, Sweetheart by @a-mandala-rose . the tags say it all but quick disclaimer, it's a(n almost) painfully long slowburn edit: it's finally completed.... god bless

la haniste by @wanderingcas is another multi chapter slowburn + mysterious backstory kinda fic and im really enjoying this one so far. it is updating weekly tho so its not done yet but again, if u have patience, read it.

also written by Tumblr User Sam WanderingCas is Passing Ships but ive never read it myself so i cant say anything other than she recommended it herself (its true check the notes)

#fic rec #destiel

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reeree1500 · 5 years ago

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The Return- Part 9

Disclaimer: Im so sorry for keeping you guys waiting, but Ive been trying to figure out my new schedule and had literally no time to write anything down 😬 This part contains lots of angst and honestly I don't feel like its the best🤣 I want to thank y'all for all the love and support💕☺️And forgive me in advance for this is 100% gonna be utter shit😭🙏🏽 So don't kill me😅

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 10

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @amy8220 @affection-rabbit @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19

- Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Warnings: Angst, Violence, bad grammar + spelling.😂

Your POV

“My wife...” At Ivar’s words you had felt as if your heart had been ripped out of your chest, crumpled, and stomped on by him right in front of you. You just looked at the blonde beauty and thought about how perfect she was and how you could have never compared to her. “(Y/n), are you alright? You seem pale and quite unwell.” Freydis says to you with what would seem as genuine concern in her eyes. Your mind was at a loss for words, something that did not happen often to you anymore. You didn't know whether it could've been out fo jealousy or if out of shock and what seemed like a flare of anger rising in you. “Just a little light headed, that's all. Anyways, are you alright if we go up to the castle now? Or are there anymore people on the ship?” You say through gritted teeth and a fake smile on your face. Freydis exchanges a look with Ivar and he then turns to you with a smile on his face nodding. As the three of you turn to walk towards the hill leading to the castle, you noticed how Freydis gushed over Ivar in front of you. Occasionally she would turn and pretend to admire her surroundings and meet your eyes trying to show off. You promised yourself that for the love of your siblings and family that you would go along with the facade and pretend as if you didn't want to kill her every time she clung onto him like that. But it was proving much harder than you had initially thought. “Freydis, I would like a moment to talk to (y/n). You can continue making your way to the castle with a few of my men, just be careful love.” You heard Ivar say to her as his lips grazed hers.

Why had you been so jealous? You were happily married now to Arthur and had 2 beautiful children by him. As you would not let yourself think otherwise as to who the possibility of who the father could be. Not paying attention to Ivar or his “wife” you kept looking out towards the gardens and the townspeople. Your body is then whisked around rapidly by your so called “brother” and you come face to face for the first time in 4 years. “Why?” “Why what Ivar?” You say rolling your eyes at him trying to avoid this touchy subject. “You know exactly what!” He says pulling you off to the side and out of hearing range of anyone around. “How could you keep my children away from me!”

Ivar says as his grips tightens on your arms, surely to leave a bruise. Back then you would have cowered with fear at his tone of voice. But now you were a queen and Arthur had made you realize that no one not even himself could ever trample over you again! “First of all, you are not the king here and you DO NOT! Call the shots!” You say gripping his hand and forcing it to unclasp your arm. “Secondly, my children have a father and his name is Arthur Pendragon. The King of this land and I am his queen and I will not have you disrespect him with such blasphemous words leaving your mouth!” You say to him, with as much venom as you could muster laced into your words. His eyes showed shock and admiration in them. Surely in his mind he thought about how much you had changed and how the once scared girl that graced the land of Kattegat was now gone. Ivar knew the answer to his question though. You could not bare to let him in on the fact that you had bared him children, it would have placed everyone you cared for in the danger you had placed so far away from you. Not waiting for him to answer and get his words together you turn around and leave him behind in the dust. Walking away you felt empowered and for the first time like you had the control over him and it felt good.

-------------------------------------

Making your way through the halls of the castle you finally reach the hall to see everybody gathered and chatting with each other. Marjorie notices you enter and springs quickly from Arthur’s lap and makes a bee line for your arms. “Mama! You're just in time, Uncle Bjorn is telling us stories of when you were my age. Frankly you were quite boring, but it’s okay you’ve gotten a wee bit more fun!” She said as she clung around your neck. This child you say as you internally roll your eyes. She could always leave a whole room without words in seconds. But it was a quality that you were quite fond of. Carrying Marjorie in your arms you made your way towards Arthur and sat beside him. Marjorie then jumps from your arms to Arthurs lap and starts to play with the buttons on his jacket. Marjorie adored her father and it was evident to everyone who would look their way. Especially Ivar who sulked and gritted his teeth every time his eyes laid on her playing with Arthur.

Arthur lived to serve our children, but Marjorie was his mini-me. However, Erik was all mine. At that I call Erik away from the candies I know that he so desperately wants to eat, but that I will not let him. This boy is hyper enough as it is and I cannot handle so much excitement and emotions today. His little eyes turn to me pleading for a small bite of the sweets that are bestowed upon him. However, I am firm in my decision and although disappointed he makes his way to me with a huge smile on his face and his arms outstretched. Holding him in my arms I cannot resist, but spin him around as we both giggle and fall to the floor in a fit of laughter. “You're an exceptional mother (y/n), I always knew you would be.” Bjorn says whilst looking toward me with tears brimming in his eyes. “I feel incredibly proud of you for pushing past all the horrible things that have been placed in front of you and you coming out on top.” At that tears begin to form in mine. “Ok, Ok. No more crying. I feel as if there has been enough of that in our lives to last us the rest of them.” Hvitserk says whilst laughing. At his comment everyone laughs and that is when Sara enters the hall. “Your highness it is time for their majesties’ lessons.” She says whilst bowing her head. At that Erik and Marjorie stand up and rush towards her. They loved Sara and treated her as if she were their older sister. In fact she was Mira’s younger sister who was sent to me by Gisela when she found out about my pregnancy. I could not have asked for a better tutor for my children. Saying my goodbyes to them I turn to walk towards my husband, but come to notice a certain look on a certain bear like man. Bjorn’s eyes hold an astonished look of admiration and adoration. The look of a man who's been taken to heaven and does not wish to come back.

Arthur taps my knee to grab my attention, but he notices what Ive just witnessed and a smirk is displayed on his face. “It seems that our little Sara has caught your interest, Bjorn?” Arthur says playfully to him. “Yes, it appears to be so. Ive never met such a beautiful woman in my life.” Bjorn says still in what seems to be a trans like state of some kind. “Bjorn, surely you’ve met more beautiful women than a simple tutor and maid, have you not?” Freydis says from Ivar’s side. Her comments made by blood boil, which Arthur noticed and took quick action against. He placed his arms around my shoulders and whispered sweet nothings into my ears. He then lays one of his hands on my lap, to then which I place my hands on his, holding him ever close to us.

The way she caresses his hair and the way she positions herself beside him is bothersome to me. It goes to show that Freydis is a woman that will do anything to keep him, even if that a means worshipping him like a God. Trying to lighten the mood and ease the tension that quickly seems to be building up. Arthur asks about Kattegat and how it has been since we left. What we didn't know was that at this very moment just a few feet away was the person who would bring about sorrow and grief everywhere they went. Especially to me.

-------------------------------

Bjorn’s POV

When Arthur asked about the current state of Kattegat, my hands balled into fists. Not by his question, but because the ruin of Kattegat had come with us to England. “Well, it could be better, but I will not ruin our visit with such an ill subject.” I reply in a tone in which everyone understands that the subject matter at hand should not be one to be discussed. At the moment (y/n) decides to turn the attention upon Ivar and his new wife. It was obvious that she was hurt by it, however knowing my sister she would never admit that to a soul. She was moodier then I could remember her being, but it could just be the fact that people in England are moodier then everyone. “When and how did this come about, and why had we not heard sooner about this union Ivar. Where you hiding your wife from me? Or did you simply want to take us by surprise when you brought your whore to a place where my children reside? Huh!” (Y/n) says while she stands up, rage very much evident in her eyes.

At that the room became silent and servants who seemed shocked and outright astonished by the fact that (y/n) was behaving this way. Arthur stood up from his throne and pulled her body into his as a way to try to calm her down, but we knew that it would not be so easy. “Control yourself (y/n), please. This is not good for you and you know it. The doctor said you should rest and not become stressed. Please I beg of you, listen to me and stand down.” Arthur whispers into her ear. After what seems like ages (y/n) looks down and Arthur softens his hold on her. A quiet Im sorry leaves her lips and she walks out of the room towards what seems to be her quarters. I would have to check up on her, this was very unsalted behaviour for her and it worried me.

Arthur clears his throat and asks the servants to shows us to our rooms, but not before asking Ivar to stay behind. “Ivar, please stay. I would like to have a word with you and apologize for my wife’s behaviour towards you both.” As everyone moves Freydis seems to stay in her place by Ivar’s side. Obviously not getting the fact that she was not part of the conversation that was to be had. “Alone.” Arthur says while facing the window and his back to them. Something that I knew bothered Ivar very much...Authority and power which he could do nothing about.

---------------------

Arthur’s POV

“So, what is it that you wanted to speak to me about, besides your wife’s ridiculous outburst?...Your majesty.” Ivar says through gritted teeth. Turning around I keep my face stoic as ever, however all I wanted was to punch this man in the face for all the pain and suffering he had not only caused my wife, but her people as well. I had heard of Ivar’s actions against his people from my spies in Kattegat and from Bjorn himself. I knew that the once respect that I held for this man had gone out the window the moment he started burning everyone who opposed him. “Come, I wish to show you something out on the balcony.” I say to him as I walk without waiting for his reply. I can feel his eyes burning holes into my skull, but I care not for this as I have more pressing matters at hand.

Stepping out onto the balcony I look over the lands that had been bestowed upon me by my father. “These lands, were given to me by my father, who which in turn got them from his father, and so on. One day when (y/n) and I are gone these lands shall go to Erik or Marjorie... Our children.” In this moment Ivar scoffs and I could see him roll his eyes at me. “Your children? We both know who damn well! Fathered those children Arthur! It wouldn't take much to see the resemblance between us!” He yells at my direction. “I invited you to my home so that my wife would be able to see her family once again away from the dangers of Kattegat! But I now see that it was a mistake to invite you here. Erik and Marjorie are not and will never be yours! And on top of that you come with a “wife” who's sole purpose of your marriage was to get your mind off of my wife! MY WIFE! Whom shall never be yours!” I yell at him as my patience wears thin. Unable to hold back the anger and resentment I feel towards him anymore, I grab him by the collar and push him towards the railing. Grabbing him so that he may not fall, but just enough to try and scare him.

However, I underestimated him and feel my footing quickly fall from beneath me. Ivar then lunges himself on top of me and begins to throw punches left and right. I dodge and fight back as much as I can, but he is able to get a couple of punches in. Spotting an opportunity I quickly flip us over and start punching him for everything he has done. At this point I see red and fear that there will be nothing to stop me from killing him. Except my wife. “Arthur! Let him go! What are you doing!” She says as she runs towards us. In that moment I forgot about ivar and stared at my wife, but it only took a second for Ivar to kick me and cause me to crash against the railing itself. “Ugh!” Before I could lunge myself at him (y/n) threw herself in front of him. And I stopped dead in my tracks. How could I have been so foolish to think that she could have ever loved me back. To think that we could have actually had something. NO! She will always choose him, she will always choose Ivar.

Your POV

I couldn't let them go on. I couldn’t let my husband kill the man that I once loved. No matter how much he deserved it, but Arthur didn't understand that. He didn't understand that I had put Ivar behind me and that now all I wanted and all I needed was him. Arthur looked like as if his world had been flipped upside down and like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, by me. Shaking his head he looks down and heads inside. Not before stopping and turning around to face Ivar one last time. “If you ever utter the words that Erik and Marjorie are yours, I will not hesitate to kill you on the spot. Im done showing mercy and being the fool.” And with that he walks inside bloodied and leaving me astonished. “(y/n), I...” “Shut up! Just shut up! How dare you! Did I not warn you that something like this would happen! You need to stop Ivar, Erik and Marjorie are not yours and will never be! Arthur has been the father that they need and deserve. You on the contrary will never be their father, because all you do is bring me pain!” I yell at him through the tears that fall down my face like a cascade.

“How could I have proven to you that I could be great father, when you didn't even give me a chance! I gave you a way out of the situation you were in! I told you that we could have run away together and lived together as a family away from it all. But you! You decided that I wasn't good enough for you!” He says standing up from the ground cradling his side, obviously showing that Arthur had got in a good punch or two. “I couldnt have and you know it! Floki he...” I begin to say before I stop myself and think about that night. “What! What did he say to you (y/n)! What lies are you gonna spew out about the only man that has ever cared for me my entire life!” He says getting extremely close to me, his eyes showing hints of a side to him that I had never come across but had heard from the gossip and read from the letters Bjorn sent to Arthur. “Your precious Floki threatened me with your life and that of everyone who is close to me, if I didn't leave Kattegat! So yes! Blame me Ivar for being so selfish that I placed your life and the lives of everyone I cared about before my own!” With that I left Ivar standing there in the balcony by himself, just like I had left him that night 4 years ago.

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1 month ago...

“What do you need of me, my queen?” Freydis said to Aslaug. “Ivar and his brothers shall be visiting England fairly soon and I will need you to be my eyes and ears into everything that occurs there. I wish to know exactly what (y/n) and her husband have been up to, I hear that their union had been blessed with children. Find out more about them and if you ever get a chance, take this.” Aslaug says as she pull out a vial. “This will ensure your reign as Queen of Kattegat and will finally put an end to that Christian child. I do not care of she's miles away, while she breathes Ivar will never be yours. And he will never grow to be the man that I wish him to be.” Aslaug says with a cold heart and an even colder face. “But, she's of no danger to me. Ivar is mine and he always will be, its been fated by the gods themselves.” Freydis says giving the vile back. In that moment Floki comes out from the shadows. “I have lost all whom I care about, because of (y/n). Ragnar, Bjorn, Ivar and Helga have all turned their back on me because of her. I was forced to kill my own wife because of what she did in order to save this child. And you too will lose, if you do not comply with our demands.” He says whilst placing the vial back into Freydis’ palm. “You must do this if not for us, then for Ivar and all of the gods.”

“I will...”

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