#disappointing both in moral character and in music

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

The short clip of “planet of the bass” was better than the full version

[sanakiras]

LIAR, LIAR!

PAIRING — kim mingyu x fem!reader

❝ AND THE DANCE FLOOR IS FILLING UP WITH BLOOD, BUT OH LORD, YOU’VE NEVER BEEN SO IN LOVE! ❞

WORD COUNT — 13.5k

SYNOPSIS — in a dramatic turn of events, a rich businessman is found dead in his lavish estate, and the authorities believe it was no accident. as the detectives dig deeper, they ultimately end up with two key suspects: you, the businessman’s very own daughter, and your sworn enemy, kim mingyu. as the time progresses, tensions rise and secrets spill — and the truth has the power to either bring you closer together or tear you apart.

TAGS — murder mystery, rich rivals to partners in crime to lovers, whole lotta plot, explicit sexual content, somewhat graphic depictions of death, everyone and everything is dysfunctional™, mentions of suicide, unrealistic circumstances, moral compass is nowhere to be found, angst, medium long hair!gyu bc self-indulgence, tsundere-ish reader again guys sorry i love her so bad, mentions of parental neglect, this ended up so long help

♪ verydeadly - wolves (kanye west cover),, low - dancing and blood,, vessel - red sex,, florence + the machine - mermaids,, zayn - bordersz,, mikky ekko - who are you, really?,, q - alone,, danna paola - tenemos que hablar,, blue foundation - eyes on fire (4 ave version),, summer camp - i want you

NOTE — one of my favorite episodes of going seventeen remains bad clue 2020, i loved mingyu’s role in it and i could totally see him portraying darker/morally grey characters and rock tf out of it so. i wrote this solely based on that idea. the music recs above are also really nice to get into the vibe! enjoyyyy :D

[ RETURN TO PART ONE ] ✧˚ · .⋆ ★ [ TWO ]

viii. I LOVE YOU LIKE A DRUG

november has a harsh cold to it that goes right through the skin of your cheeks. with your long black coat and matching gloves, you walk through the city, heading towards your lawyer’s office.

it’s been a few days since you last saw or talked to mingyu. you’ve been thinking about the kiss constantly, unable to stop it from clouding your mind. it’s hard to believe you hated his guts for years and completely changed your opinion on him within months — he took you by surprise on that. which you’re not sure how you feel about.

it’s as if his handprints were etched into your skin. you can still remember exactly how it felt, where they were. more importantly, perhaps, you know what your mind keeps leading to when the memory runs through your head.

that you want nothing more than for him to put his hands on you again. you want him so much that you have to clench your fists and tell yourself to get it together.

the universe must like to mess with you, as you receive a text from him at that exact moment. stopping in your tracks on the street, you’re just about to read it when you feel a hand on your shoulder.

once you’ve looked up from your phone, you see the devil himself standing there with a meek little smile on his face, which has you scoffing when he greets you. “hi.”

his dark hair is slicked back as he sports a thick winter jacket, jeans and black shoes. god, he’s handsome. why is he so annoying?

instead of responding to his greeting, you just speak your mind. “what’re you doing here?”

“chan mentioned you had an appointment in the neighborhood, so here i am. i wanted to see you.”

“why?”

“what, am i not allowed to visit my partner in crime?”

you purse your lips. “i thought we both agreed on discretion regarding our relationship.”

“and what kind of relationship is that?”

“an understanding.” your response comes out colder than anticipated, but you stick with it. “look, gyu, what we did… we probably shouldn’t do it again.”

he seems surprised. and a little disappointed, which he hides very quickly, but not quick enough.

so he pouts at you, doing his best not to dwell on it. “okay. any particular reason?”

you inhale sharply, trying to give him the best possible excuse you can come up with. “we agreed to keep it professional, didn’t we?”

“we did.” he nods, speaking in a way as if he were focusing on something else. “is that all there is to it? or do you have another reason?”

his gaze is playful, which makes you smile as you look down at your feet for a moment. “i’m sure you can fill the blanks.”

“interesting choice of words.”

“god, you’re such a perv.”

mingyu laughs when you punch his shoulder, his hand comfortable on your lower back. you don’t swat it away, utterly contradicting your previous words, but you can’t find it in yourself to care that much.

two days later, you’re over at his apartment, continuing your research where you left off last week, and you’re not sure if you’re imagining things, but it feels like there is a palpable tension in the air. soft rain taps against the windows while you’re looking at some security footage his friend seungkwan sent over about an hour ago.

with the two of you sitting beside eachother as you’re looking at the screen of your laptop, you find it difficult to focus on the footage, because you feel electrified by his mere presence. it’s ridiculous. he accidentally brushes your knee with your hand, and you feel a rush going through your body. a candle is lit on the table — his tan skin looks beyond beautiful, his brown eyes piercing through yours like never before.

you want him.

you. want. him. and no one else.

it’s driving you nuts, and as if he can read your mind, he begins to talk about it.

“i haven’t been able to stop thinking about our kiss.”

while the footage keeps playing in the background, you bite your lip, sucking in a breath. “gyu.” you say his name in a near scolding manner.

“do you like me?” he suddenly turns his head to face you, which feels borderline intrusive. like he’s able to see everything that’s going on in your head and heart.

it steals your breath, making your voice sound somewhat strained as a result, and you can’t even bring yourself to lie about it any longer. “i might.”

“i like you. a lot.” he says, and when you think he’s getting closer to you, you stand up from your seat, doing whatever you need to do to get it back together. you don’t want him to know how you really feel, so you clench your fists in your place, your back facing him.

“what does it matter? we’re nothing more than partners. that’s all there is to it.”

as you shake your head to yourself, he gets up as well, moving to stand behind you. “is that why you kissed me?”

“it was just the heat of the moment.”

“you’re a good liar — but not that good.” mingyu shamelessly eyes your body up and down, and when you look over your shoulder, he meets your gaze with something that appears to resemble pride, in a way.

arrogance, perhaps.

for whatever reason, that ticks something off in you. “you want me to be honest? fine. i don’t want to like you, mingyu. i didn’t want to enjoy that kiss. i’ve spent years hating you to the bone, and changing that opinion on you feels like betraying myself.”

he blinks at your sudden and blunt confession, but it’s honest and clear to him.

then he nods in understanding.

“just… hypothetically, if i said i wanted to kiss you again, what would you do?”

you notice a clear difference in his tone, his breathing, his eyes dropping down to your lips — oh, he’s fucking turned on. he knows you want him as badly as he wants you. you both know it.

“i’d tell you it was a one-time thing.”

he gets closer to you, eyelids hanging low and the hint of that damn smirk tugging at his mouth. “how about one more? for good measure. just to get our rocks off.”

the proposition is almost laughable, yet you selfishly find yourself agreeing. “just once?”

“just once.” the palm of his hand cups your jaw, and you know you’re done for when you lean in first, causing him to smile triumphantly right before his lips lock with yours.

this is what you’ve both been yearning for the past week. now that you have it, it feels like drugs, almost — addicting.

you kiss him with vigor, and his tongue slips into your mouth, leaving you aching for more. it’s when his hand pulls you closer by your waist that you force yourself to back away from him, both you and him gasping for air.

“gyu, we were supposed to—”

“keep things professional, i know,” he breathes out, his forehead resting against yours as if he has to make the biggest decision of his life, “but i don’t want to anymore.”

his hands are still on your waist, trailing down to the flesh of your upper legs, and he squeezes it, feeling sick at the idea of someone touching you there that’s not him.

“need you so bad. please — let me touch you.”

looking at his desperate form for a moment, you internally decide to go for whatever your body wants — and that’s to have him tonight.

so you roll your eyes, pulling him to you by his black t-shirt, your hands on the back of his neck before he can comprehend it. he hoists you up by the back of your thighs, taking you to his spacious bedroom.

your back touches the soft bed within seconds. his hands continue to glide up and down your body, and he subtly puts his one hand underneath the hem of your shirt, fingers touching your warm skin, and you almost forget to breathe.

mingyu feels your fingers pulling at the waistband of his jeans, and he relishes in how eager you are. he kisses your neck and moves lower painfully slowly, causing you to writhe underneath him, because you need him now.

it’s certainly a first for you to have such a need and desperation to fuck someone. and for him, of all people. if you had known about this in the morning, you wouldn’t have believed it.

but then again, the tension has been brewing between you two for years, reaching its highest point over the last couple weeks.

maybe he was onto something when he suggested for you to fuck him back in the strip club.

his lips are touching your bare stomach, and you show a hint of dominance by undoing the buttons of your pants and shoving down your panties, putting your hand on his head to guide it between your legs.

and he just lets you.

he takes your pants and underwear from your ankles and discards the pieces on the floor, hands on the back of your thighs once more as he pushes them to lean over his shoulders.

the first few seconds are spent basking in his excitement. his heart races when he looks you in the eye, and he grins to himself before diving in.

for some reason, he feels this primal urge to prove himself to you, to make you feel good like no one ever has before.

whatever the hell it is that made him have such a massive change of heart, he doesn’t know.

but he does know one thing — he worships the ground you walk on.

so to hear you gasp and whine for him when he eats you out only spurs him on to keep going, to make it dirtier and messier and keep having you moan his name.

mingyu encourages you to pull on his hair, and with each strand being pulled, he grows harder in his pants. he moans at the pain, humming against your pussy while his tongue is buried inside you.

you’re grinding against his face and he hums again, loving the feeling. “rub it in my face, baby, ‘s so good—” he babbles as his cock is rock-hard and throbbing against the fabric of his jeans, and he rubs his hard-on against the matress to get any kind of friction.

over the course of the years, even while hating him, you wondered if he was good in bed.

you didn’t think your question was going to be answered by first-hand experience.

he’s not only sickeningly good at providing pleasure — he seems to get off on it, too. your fingers clamp on his long strands of hair, thighs around his head, almost suffocating him, and even when you hit your first climax, he just keeps going. his tongue moves as if you’re not completely crumbling before him.

with a sudden sensitivity hitting you, you have to pull his face from your pussy, and he looks at you with lust-blown eyes and your wetness smeared over his lips and chin.

yeah, you fucking like him. jesus.

the little fang-shaped teeth he has show themselves when he grins at the mess he’s made of you. “want me to go again?”

“would you?”

“i’d keep going for hours if that’s what you want.”

pressing your lips together, you inhale deeply, ‘cause he looks like he means it, too. “well, as great as that sounds, i want you in me. now.”

he would’ve had a damn field trip eating you out again, but he certainly won’t complain, because he’s about to bust in his pants from just looking at you. his eyes return to your figure when you take your shirt off, dick twitching when you unclasp your lacy bra and show your completely bare body to him.

“are you just gonna keep staring?” you ask teasingly, and he needs a few seconds to get his brain running again, chuckling at your words before he removes his own clothes, pushing you back to lay you down.

“can’t help that i like what i see.”

you’re about to give him a witty retort in return when you feel the tip of his cock at the entrance of your hole, pushing forward just the slightest bit, and your lashes flutter at the sensation. he bites his lower lip at the feeling, a sudden intensity hitting the both of you.

then he pushes himself inside, inch by inch, achingly slowly. your brows scrunch together and you throw your head back, manicured nails digging into his bedsheets.

“hah—gyu—” you mumble, tension setting into your shoulderblades as he stretches you open, and you’re so tight that he feels just as suffocated as you do.

“fuck, you’re fucking tight.” he huffs out, utterly savoring your wetness wrapping around him. “can i keep going?”

at hearing the question, a breathy laugh escapes you. “how fucking big are you to have to ask that?”

“well, ‘m only halfway in right now, baby.”

fucking hell. the look on your face is borderline horrified, because jesus, you’re gonna need to adjust to him.

he lowers his chest to hover above yours, and your hands immediately move to his back, nails aching to dig into his skin. he’s only focused on your face now, and he pushes himself in all the way, watching your face contort in pain and pleasure.

your body stiffens for a second before it relaxes, and he has to hold down the urge to start moving. “that’s it. took me all the way in,” he mutters, and you nod to yourself, accidentally clamping down on him, at which he groans.

the first movements are small, slow — gentle. you release long, dragged-out moans that are the single hottest thing he’s ever heard. but he needs more, needs to get rid of the little voice in his head to fuck you hard and stupid.

he pulls out almost entirely before slamming back in, and the erotic whine you let out is just too good to his ears.

so he does it again, again, again. he fucks you to the point a different part of him takes over, ruthlessly seeking the pleasure and pain that gets him off like nothing else. he likes it fast, hard, and deep, and by the looks of it, you do too.

you’re clinging onto him with every thrust, every kiss, every moan, and he loves it.

mingyu moans, eyebrows knitted together as he’s hypnotized by the feeling of himself sheathed all the way inside you. “take it — take my fucking cock.”

“mhm. a little harder — please?” you beg, and if he wasn’t in love with you yet, he certainly is now. how on earth do you look as gorgeous as you do whilst half fucked-out, still needing more?

naturally, he gives in to you, doing whatever you ask of him. he fucks you harder, his grip on your waist tightening with each thrust.

you come to one conclusion — you don’t think anyone’s ever fucked you this good.

his mouth latches onto your tits, sucking at your nipples, and you bring his head up to kiss him again. it’s sloppy, and his movements begin to slow a little, your wetness dripping down his cock. “god, you’re fucking perfect.”

“want more, gyu. i want you to cum in me.”

“you—” he stutters out, “you want it?”

nodding at him, you even push yourself against him, his cock sinking just a little deeper into you.

so he fucks you as hard as he can until he feels himself hitting that blissful climax, continuing to roll his hips and stuff you as full of him as possible. then he sits up with a thin layer of cold sweat on his back, and he pulls himself out as slowly as he entered you, watching drops of cum seep out of your hole.

“so much for professional.” you breathe out, after which you both chuckle, and he leans in to kiss you again, and you get on top of him, taking charge, and he shivers in anticipation.

the night becomes an increasing blur with every kiss, every touch, every thrust — it’s hard to say what time it is or how many times you’ve gone at it when you finally let yourself sink into a deep sleep.

when you wake up beside him in the morning, you watch his sleeping form, your heart flutters.

it’s bizarre how he’s made you feel a kind of love you didn’t even know existed before. a feeling of great complexity and intensity that’s settled deep into your gut whenever he’s near.

as if he’s become a part of you that you can’t let go.

checking your phone, you know it’s time to get up, since you’ve got an important agenda today. yet when you try to silently slip away from his bed, you feel a warm hand on yours.

“don’t go.” he pleads, his voice lower and raspier than usual from sleeping. there’s a certain desperation in his now open eyes, and it affects you.

“i have to. appointments i can’t cancel, you know what that’s like—”

but he’s not talking about your day.

“i’m afraid of people leaving me,” he suddenly admits with a shaky tone, “and i like what we have. i like you. i guess i’m scared that… this was just a one-time thing, ‘cause it wasn’t for me. i don’t want to go back to what we were before all of this.”

processing his words, you nod, touching his cheek, reassuring him. “it wasn’t a one-time thing for me, either. you have me, i promise.”

“okay.” he gently smiles at you, his fingers caressing yours, and you lean in to press a kiss onto his lips, which he immediately reciprocates.

you give him a quick goodbye after putting your clothes on, and he’s left smiling to himself in bed while you walk out of his apartment with the same expression.

but you should know by now that all good things come to an end — one way or another.

ix. WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?

the two weeks since your first time sleeping together have been nothing but excitingly ignorant bliss. in between his meetings and family commitments and your meetings regarding your father’s business relations, you’ve been meeting eachother in the middle at every opportunity, the investigation of your father’s death fading into the background bit by bit, getting lowered on your list of priorities.

none of your friends are aware of your relationship – since it’s a secret, and neither of you have really labelled it yet ��� as far as you know, anyway.

being with him is comfortable to you, and surprisingly enough, he’s the first person who’s made you feel like you could breathe properly after the chaos that your father’s death caused.

“do you really have to go out at this hour?”

“yeah, unfortunately.” he presses a kiss to your lips before pulling his shirt on while you’re still naked on his bed. “i’ll be back as soon as i can, but you don’t have to wait for me, okay? it’s probably gonna take a while.”

with a sigh, you nod, pouting a little. “okay. i’ll probably go take a shower and head home after.”

he kisses the top of your head this time, and it all feels awfully domestic.

but it’s a good feeling.

mingyu takes in the sight of your bare face and body covered in nothing but his sheets, and he feels like things were meant to be like this. like you two were always indirectly tied together, and now this is your reality.

“you’re allowed to stay as long as you want. i’ll call you later, baby, yeah?” he hums against your lips, and you nod, wanting nothing more than to pull his shirt off and drag him back into bed with you.

“mhm. you should go, or you’ll be late.”

he chuckles, his mouth grazing the top of your hand before he exits the room, slinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving you alone in his apartment.

after taking a short nap, you decide to get up and take a quick shower.

this might be the first time you’re completely on your own in his place — so you feel like checking out what he’s got lying around here.

it’s not because you don’t trust him, truly. you just like to snoop around a little, out of curiosity.

you peek into his drawers, his closet, his personal things, except for what he’s got kept under lock and key.

what intrigues you are the clear scratches on the floor by the cupboard. everything in his apartment is perfectly clean and clearly well taken care of, so this makes you raise a brow.

you figure the scratches were made by moving the cupboard to the side, so you do the same thing, trying to see if there’s a particular reason for it.

it’s hard to contain a scoff once you lay your eyes on what is apparently hiding behind it.

a safe hidden behind a cupboard. seriously? did he take inspiration from your father’s office or something? this is starting to get a bit weird.

the safe seems to require a code with six digits to be unlocked, and since the system and mechanics seem on the older side, you doubt it would send off any signals if someone tried out a wrong code.

biting your lip, you give in to your curiosity, and try out a few codes.

a popular choice for codes are always birthdays, often loved ones, and since mingyu is a complete softie in that regard, you figure it might be worth trying out.

you remember his father’s birthday from the tombstone at the graveyard where your father was buried as well. his mother celebrated her birthday last week, so that’s easy.

unfortunately, neither of the codes work.

fuck, what was his sister’s birthday again? you don’t remember. then an idea pops up in your head – she probably made a birthday post on social media at some point. you search the username and scan her profile, and within a minute, you’ve found it.

with your phone in hand, eyes going from the screen to the rotating dials, you enter the code, and the sound of a clicking lock causes your heartbeat to quicken.

it worked.

throwing your phone onto the bed, you open the safe, several items catching your eye.

there’s quite some things in there considering it’s such a small space. some stacks of money, a few vials with clear liquids in them, a gun, a passport with his photo but a different name – what the fuck is this? his backup plan to start a new life in case he needs it? that’s close to paranoid, especially for a guy who seemingly has no enemies.

behind the piles of dollar bills, you find a few old-fashioned cassette recorders stacked up, each of them numbered from one to ten.

as your curiosity gets the better of you once more, you take the recorders out of the safe and put them on the floor, where you sit down to listen to whatever’s on them.

you click the button at the back of the device, noise beginning to crack through the small speaker.

“i know recording myself confessing to something as grave as this could be my downfall, but… it’s something i need to get off my chest. i need to.” your hear him inhale sharply. “i’m setting a plan in motion that will lead to someone’s death. it’s not something i’m proud of, but he’s threatening my family. i don’t know what else to do.”

your eyes widen as you listen to the rest of the tape. he’s talking about killing your father, using a poison to take him out. once it’s finished, you look for the second tape with shaky fingers.

“getting it done shouldn’t be hard. the real issue is having an alibi, and if necessary, i need someone to put the blame on. the death of someone as important as him will draw attention, so should they assume he didn’t die of natural causes, they’re gonna want to convict someone. i can only think of one person who fits the criteria — his daughter.”

it’s like the confirmation you’ve been waiting for. this is what he’s been hiding all this time. of course he didn’t want to help you without an ulterior motive.

your heart breaks the moment he says it. just how much of a fool have you been?

“we’ve always hated eachother. looking back, i’m not sure how it started, but it did. she’s the only one who could have a solid motive. i don’t want to frame her, or anyone for that matter, but if the police decide it’s not an accident, i’ll have no other choice. maybe her lawyer can find a way around it.”

tape three.

“the plan is to pretend i have a lead on the killer when i’m actually planting fake evidence to make her seem like the culprit. i talked to her in the graveyard today, but she completely lashed out at me. it’s hard to tell who she hates more — me, her father, or herself. though i didn't know her hatred for me ran this deep, nor that she was this lonely. i kind of feel for her.”

tape four.

“she just agreed to be my date to the gala next week, though she's certainly not thrilled about it. understandably so, i guess. she's quite intimidating when she’s mad. maybe i should take notes, seeing how she always stands so firmly on business.”

tape five.

“i didn’t think she’d go as far as to go through my room. she’s more determined than i gave her credit for. god, i could barely keep it together when she said whoever killed her father did her a favor. it’s maybe the only good thing about this whole mess. i wanted to scream, tell her that it was me who did her that favor.”

tape six.

“leave it to her to interrupt a stripper’s lap dance and take me with her instead. the man taking money out of her father’s account was hired by me — i needed to subtly prove to her that it couldn’t have been me, ‘cause i was at the other side of the city when it happened. i was curious to see if she’d take the bait, and she did. she mentioned something about wanting someone who would let her be… uninhibited. it scared and surprised me; mostly because i want the exact same.”

tape seven.

“we broke into her father’s office together. it was… thrilling. exciting. she keeps surprising me with how daring she is. somewhere underneath that hard surface hides someone who’s aching for adventure, i think. maybe we’re more similar than i thought. and she’s so clever, i just—i like her. like, platonically, of course. we work well together. i should probably be more careful, try not to get too close. who knows what that might lead to.”

tape eight.

“i kissed her. i fucking kissed her. well, she kissed me first, but… i kept it going. not just a little peck, no, a full-on makeout session. it was… the type of kiss they talk about in the romance novels. i’ve never felt that big of a need to kiss someone before. and she’s so gorgeous, too. i wonder if she’s thinking about it as much as i am right now.”

tape nine.

“wonwoo says i have feelings for her, in a way. i… i feel like there’s no going back if i acknowledge it. but there's something about her, it's like... i'm not sure. like she and i are on the same wavelength. we’re so different yet so similar.”

tape ten.

“the police are tightening their grip. they wanna name the culprit, and fast. i’ve thought of turning myself in, but i’ll ruin the family name if i do that. my mom and sister will be cast out if that happens. and then there’s… her. god, she’s become so special to me. i can’t go through with it — i can’t. the idea of losing her makes me feel suffocated. fuck, i don’t know what to do.”

and just like that, you close your eyes for a moment.

everything falls into place.

putting the final tape to the side, your cheeks are wet from the tears that have been silently rolling down your cheeks ever since you hit the first play button.

he doesn’t really like you — of course he doesn’t. he’s just using you for his own gain, to cover up his crime.

it’s then that the heavy sobs come out. you utterly fall apart, feeling weak and manipulated and alone.

terrifyingly alone, more than ever before.

but you force yourself to stop crying by telling yourself that you won’t allow him to use you anymore. you need to be steps ahead of him now that he’s not aware of you knowing this information, so you wipe your tears away and play all the tapes again, but this time with your phone making recordings of each one of them.

overcome by your emotions, you feel ready to throw up.

whatever you’re about to do, it’ll probably come back to bite you in the ass later, but you don’t care. not anymore. everything’s already gone to hell anyways.

when mingyu arrives at his apartment a few hours later, it’s empty. he frowns when noticing that your clothes and things you had lying around are all gone, but shrugs it off, believing you probably had a good reason for taking them back home.

but when he calls you the next day, you don’t pick up. you don’t answer any of his texts. your staff by the gate tells him that no visitors are allowed into the driveway, meaning he can’t even get to your front door anymore.

something’s happened. he just doesn’t know what.

long after he’s had his dinner, the rain comes pouring down from the dark clouds in the sky, thunder rumbling in the distance as you make your way to the front door of mingyu’s apartment.

he instantly notices something is very wrong once he lays eyes on you. you look like you’ve just gone through hell and back.

you let yourself in before he can say anything, so he closes the door behind you, confusion painted across his face. “i’ve been calling you — what’s going on? did something happen?”

oh, the question immediately pisses you off even more than you already are. this is about to be fun. “well, you’d know.” you grumble.

“know what?”

“that you killed my fucking father.”

the words strike like lightning. you finding out about the truth certainly wasn’t part of the plan, and since you seem so convinced, he doesn’t have much faith in trying to convince you of his innocence.

when his surprised expression fades, you finally see the truth written all over his face. his jaw is clenched tight, lips pressed together into a thin line, and he suddenly looks very guilty. “how… how did you find out?”

“the tapes. who the fuck records their own confession to murder? were you trying to get me to find out?” you rhetorically ask, eyes blazing fire.

mingyu huffs to himself. he knew he shouldn’t have kept those tapes — fuck.

“look, i—” he swallows, attempting to mend the situation, but you don’t let him speak.

“no. you’re going to tell me exactly what you did and why you did it. you owe me that much.”

he flinches, closing his eyes for a moment, lowering his head, his way of showing he accepts his defeat. “your dad… i always thought he wanted me around because he liked me, but after all those years, that turned out to be a lie. i found out he was blackmailing my mom with evidence of my father’s wrongdoings before his passing — fraud, embezzlement, all of that. we’re talking millions of dollars here. the damage it would’ve done to my family if that ever came out… it’s something i had to prevent. hell, i wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one behind my dad’s car accident. so i did what i thought was necessary.”

you can only scoff. “of course. how noble of you.”

“i’m sorry.” he tells you, but it’s a lie. your father was a despicable man, loved by no one. not really, anyway.

“if you’re going to lie to me, at least do it well.” you scold him, turning away from him for a moment, looking at the rain outside through the large windows of his apartment. “how did you kill him? i wanna hear you say it.”

“can’t we talk about—”

interrupting him, you turn around, the pistol from his safe in your hand, and it’s pointed at him. he anxiously awaits your next move.

“don’t make me ask again. i don’t particularly feel like repeating myself.”

he shudders at the view of the gun pointed at him, but does what you tell him to. “i poisoned him. he had no idea, didn’t suspect me at all. i told him to go home, so he’d die there.”

“where i would be, too. perfect plan, huh?”

“the plan was to make it look like a death from natural causes. the poison would be out of his system by the time the authorities were to perform the autopsy on his body — but then they found him dangling from the ceiling instead. that wasn’t my doing, so i figured the poison got to him to the point he wanted a quicker way out. you were there, with a reasonable motive. i panicked and made a choice.”

inhaling sharply, your eye twitches. “you chose to frame me.”

“i was going to.”

“oh, give me a break. don’t start acting like you care about me, now.”

“except i do. it was different in the beginning — but then i just—i didn’t remember why i hated you. i couldn’t even fathom a possible reason to. i started liking being around you, and you felt it too. i know you did, you said it yourself.” he pleads, getting closer to you, not giving a damn that the barrel of the gun is touching his chest at this point.

a tear escapes your eye, but your anger is still there. “you know what the thing is, mingyu? i don’t even care that you killed him. hell, if you had come to me after our interrogations and confessed that it was you, i would’ve thanked you. what i care about is that you took advantage of me when i was vulnerable, and that you made me feel like i mattered to you when you were all just doing it for your own gain.”

it’s like you’ve ripped his heart out of his chest. he wishes he could make you understand that you’ve made him feel more alive than anyone he’s ever met, that you’ve grown to mean so much to him in a ridiculously short span of time. that he’d go to hell and back to protect you now.

“you matter to me. more than anyone else.”

all you can do is let out a sarcastic fit of laughter; you don’t trust a single word that comes out of his mouth. “i need you to tell me something. did you sleep with me because you actually wanted to or because you felt like you had to in order to manipulate me to get closer to you?”

he seems appalled at what you’re implying. “of course i wanted to. all i ended up wanting was you—”

“don’t you fucking lie to me!” you burst out angrily, at which he flinches, but his frustration brings him to confess his true feelings.

“it’s not a lie, because i’m in love with you!” he raises his voice in desperation, “i don’t care if you shoot me right here, right now. it won’t change how i feel about you.”

your heart shatters even more, because he sounds so genuine, yet it doesn’t make you feel the way it should.

the words should probably bring some kind of twisted comfort, but they feel like a gut punch instead. you grab your chest to stop yourself from hyperventilating. “at least i was right at the beginning. the golden boy is a fucking murderer. you’ve played your part well, i gotta admit.”

he watches you breathily laugh and cry at him, and all he can do is stare back at you with teary eyes and a guilty face.

“please don’t say that.”

“why? does it hurt, hearing the truth?”

“i swear to you—”

you shut him up by pushing him backwards with the pistol against his chest. “you know, when you bothered me after the funeral, when i had my breakdown, i wanted nothing more than to cave in your skull with a rock. looking back, i should’ve just done it. would’ve spared me this whole mess.”

surprisingly enough, you simply put the pistol back in your jacket pocket, but mingyu is just as if not more afraid of you. your gaze is the harshest, coldest, meanest he’s ever seen it. all you do is look at him and he crumbles.

and yet he still wants you. he knows you hate him to the bone, you detest every part of him, and he still. wants. you.

and he intends to show you that, because he’s willing to throw every last shred of pride and dignity he has let out the window if it means you’ll show him you want him even the smallest bit. “i’ll prove it to you. if you ask me to turn myself in, i’ll turn myself in. i’ll do it, for you.”

god, he seems so genuine in it, too.

your breaths are ragged, and you feel like you need to get literally anywhere else, out of the suffocation that is this room with him in it. you barely even noticed he’d taken a hold of your hand until now.

“i can’t do this. just—just let me leave.”

he does.

the moment the door slams shut behind you, he has to grab the nearest object to hold himself up, leaving him wondering what the hell just happened.

x. WHEN IS A MONSTER NOT A MONSTER?

the following days are spent anxiously pacing in his apartment. what is he supposed to do? what should he say to you? what should he tell the press, that he’s innocent? guilty? what should he tell his family? that he killed a man to protect them and their reputation? would they even look him in the eye if he confessed?

he waits and waits and waits for his arrest to come, for the police to barge into his home and take him away to a cold, dark prison cell — yet the day never comes.

personally, he wonders if you’re waiting it out to make you feel as shitty as you’ve probably been feeling since the day you discovered his true colors.

nearly a week after the fight between you, he decides he can’t take it anymore. he needs to see you.

you doubt you’ve ever felt as miserable as you’ve felt these past days. it’s like you’re torn between hating mingyu for taking advantage of you and hating yourself for being stupid enough to fall for it. to fall for him.

because no matter how much you want to deny it, you did.

something you desperately needed was a distraction, which is why you ended up accepting wonwoo’s invitation to the event his father is hosting tonight at his estate just outside the city. with your little black dress on and hair perfectly styled, you down a glass of champagne next to wonwoo, who looks a bit concerned. “everything okay?”

the noise of chatter and soft music in the background only overwhelms you more. “yeah. i just… haven’t had alcohol in a while.” you mutter a bullshit excuse, not really caring whether you sound believable or not.

“i get it if you don’t feel like being here right now, with everything that happened recently. i can take you home if you want.”

“and miss out on your father’s celebration?”

“there will always be another one.” wonwoo shrugs, looking at you like nothing else in the room matters. he has a little smile playing on his lips that’s far too gentle — you almost feel undeserving of a gaze that loving.

but you don’t hold eye contact with him for long, because the source of all your current problems suddenly walks into the room — and he looks good. criminally good.

the red suit with its low neckline draws even more attention to him than usual, along with several expensive pieces of jewelry adorning his wrists and fingers.

“he’s here? that’s strange. he said he wasn’t coming.” wonwoo mumbles, and you do your best to keep your composure and hide the sudden anxiety that blooms in your chest.

“shame. the party was just getting good.” you scoff to yourself, replacing your empty champagne glass with a full one.

it’s then that mingyu’s eyes find yours, and even while politely saying hello to the elders greeting him, he keeps sneaking a peek your way, as if to try to get away from the people surrounding him to get to you.

oh, fuck no. you’re not in the mood to talk to him right now.

“i’m just gonna go and use the restroom, okay? i’ll be right back.” you say to wonwoo, hoping to find yourself a spot in the shadows where you can properly get some air.

you hardly catch his response as your legs are already moving on their own, as far away from the man in red as possible.

passing through a quiet hallway, you find yourself finally alone at the bottom of a staircase, and with no one else around, you sit down on the first few steps, a sigh escaping your mouth.

“did my appearance surprise you?”

as you recognize his voice, your blood runs cold.

looking behind you, he’s standing at the top of the stairs, his hands in his pockets. he appears surprisingly relaxed, even if his fingers slightly tremble against the fabric of his trousers.

“you have some nerve showing up here.”

mingyu purses his lips. “why don’t you come up a couple steps?”

when you finally meet his gaze, his heart skips a beat. your brows are knitted together. “why would i do that?”

“because we’d be on the same level. equals.”

“is that what you want?”

“i think you already know the answer to that.”

biting your lip to yourself, you get up on your feet, heels clicking on the creaking wood with each step. once at his level, you look at him with hostility – he only shows intrigue.

“why haven’t you given me up yet? it’s been a week.”

“i have my reasons.” you shrug, the anger remaining in your features. “what? scared i’ll ruin your reputation?”

his tone suddenly changes into something more desperate, emotional. “i just want to know what you’re gonna do. if you wanna turn me over to the police, fine. but do something, please—”

“you’re not in a position to be making demands.”

“i’m not demanding, i’m asking.”

“go fuck yourself, mingyu.” you snap at him, looking around you before lowering your voice. “what did you think was going to happen when you came here tonight? that i would just let you in on everything? the last thing i owe you is an explanation.”

as the tension continues to rise between you, the argument causes you to step closer to eachother.

his chest heaves out of frustration, because you make a more than valid point, but he still has his own interests at heart. “i know that.”

“so then why show up tonight? don’t bullshit me, i know you’re not here for wonwoo.”

“are you? what are you doing here?”

“what the hell is your problem?” scoffing at him, you intend to push him by his chest, but he grabs your wrists instead.

“you are my problem.” he breathes out angrily as if he were confessing his sins, his hands remaining on your skin. “everything fell apart because of you.”

“if you’re actually trying to pin this on me, i’ll hit you in your fucking jaw until it bleeds.”

he only pulls you closer. “and i’d let you. do you still not get it?”

his grip on your wrists falters, and he softly rubs over your skin with his finger, and you hate your body for reacting to it.

christ, you think to yourself, has he been standing this close to you this whole time?

the smell of his perfume plagues your senses, and a feeling you can’t quite place washes over you when you catch him looking at your lips, and you realize his one hand is slowly gliding past your waist.

are you really going to let yourself fall into his trap again?

“everything okay?”

the words aren’t uttered by you nor mingyu — wonwoo peers up at you from your former spot at the bottom of the stairs.

of course he’s been sensing that there was something going on between you the moment you showed up at the strip club, but this clearly confuses him, since you’re still supposed to hate one another.

fuck. how much of the conversation did he hear?

mingyu hesitantly releases his hands from your body, and you take a step backwards, both of you focusing on wonwoo. “yeah, i’m fine.”

as if to make the situation even worse, the fucking inspector that’s leading the investigation appears behind wonwoo, curiously looking at his two main suspects standing side by side.

the situation feels suffocating. wonwoo points at the older man, “he was looking for you. that’s why i came to see if you were here — i didn’t know you were, um — occupied.”

“i’m not occupied.” with the way you completely disregard mingyu’s existence, it’s almost as if he weren’t even here. you make your way down the steps, smoothening over the fabric of your dress and taking a deep breath to get a hold of yourself again.

the inspector glances at mingyu one last time before asking you if he can talk to you privately, which you agree to.

mere minutes later, you’re standing in a secluded room, far away from the rest of the crowd, arms crossed over your chest, a dim light flickering on the ceiling above you.

“i wanted to talk about the investigation.”

“talking to me off-record again? this isn’t a good look on you.” you sneer at the man, who puts up his hands before his chest.

“i know. but it’s for a good reason.” he defends himself, at which you frown. “i have a proposition for you.”

“which is?”

“i need your help catching the person who killed your father.”

pursing your lips together, you let out a bitter chuckle. “like i would know anything—”

“you were just speaking to him, actually.”

the weight of his words makes your eyes widen. this is the first time he’s expressing who he believes is the culprit, after all these weeks.

your breath hitches in your throat. “you think mingyu is guilty.”

the inspector nods at the conclusion you’ve drawn. “he’s smart, i’ll give him that. but not invincible.”

“what will you do? do you have evidence against him?”

“i have enough that makes me sure that it was him, but not enough to defeat him in court. he’s rich and uses that to his advantage.” he explains, sounding almost hopeful. “so that’s where you come in.”

“me?”

“what i need is evidence that even he can’t work around, no matter how many people in the system he chooses to bribe. you told me the nature of your relationship was sexual — i don’t need to know if that’s true or not. but i’ve noticed he seems fond of you these days. you can use that to get him caught. we can’t let him get away with it.”

his voice rings through your ears, sounding like a convincing whisper. biting down on your tongue, you clench your fists, the predicament you currently find yourself in making you wish the ground would just swallow you whole.

you subtly glance down at your phone for a moment.

the evidence is right there, on the phone in your hand. you’ve recorded all the tapes with your phone — the confession, murder weapon — it’s all the evidence needed. you could give it right now and everything would be over.

yet not a single word comes out of your mouth.

the inspector sighs, offering you a final sentiment. “be careful with him. people can be deceiving.”

and with that, he exits the room, leaving you alone with the voice in your head.

your next moves are crucial. you know what you’re about to do is risky, but it’ll be worth it. it has to be worth it.

once you’ve left the inside of the estate through the backdoor, the event continues for the evening while you ponder over the choice you’re about to make in the backseat of the cab.

shrugging off your coat as you enter your home, you still in your movements when your eyes find the stairs — the spot where the police had to cut down your father’s cold, dead body.

with your gaze remaining on the former crime scene, you press on mingyu’s number to call it.

he picks up faster than lightning, but you don’t allow him to speak.

“meet me in the city tomorrow. 10:30, outside your mother’s firm. don’t be late.”

you hang up right after.

fuck, you should really sell this place. the fact that your father’s wandered around here is more than enough reason.

that he died here as well isn’t great either, but that’s really a minor detail.

with your arms crossed, you scoff, a half-smile that’s almost smug sitting on your face. “if only your death had welcomed us sooner.”

the next morning, you lean your head against the wall of the building you’re meeting at, a cold wind blowing through your hair as you’re sunken deeply into thought.

it’s comfortably quiet, honestly. you’re fond of this type of weather, the white, grey-ish sky, the breeze in the air, some rain on occasion.

you glance at the watch on your wrist — why the fuck is mingyu still not here? what possible reason could he have to be late when this is what he was practically begging for?

just as you’re about to grab your phone from your pocket to call him, someone pulls you by your arm and drags you into the alley beside the building.

“what the fuck!?” you huff out, and then you finally get a good look at the person who grabbed you.

of course it’s him.

“i’m sorry.” mingyu breathes out, his usually neatly styled hair now messy, several strands hanging loose in front of his forehead, the stress visible in his features.

to be together like this feels messy yet weirdly intimate. a few strands of your hair are caught between your lips, and you feel his breath on your face, his hands on your body, even your hands find their way back to him.

as if it’s natural.

“what the hell are you thinking?!” you hiss at him, pushing his hands off you, backing yourself as far up against the wall as possible.

“someone was following me, i was — i thought you’d lured me here to turn me in.”

“you—” is all you can push out of your throat before a sigh leaves you. of course he’d think that. god, what a mess.

burying your face in your hands, it feels like you’re both on the verge of a complete breakdown. both lost, not sure where to go, not sure what’ll happen next.

you thought you’d found a sense of direction in eachother, but that fell apart like a house of cards hit by the wind.

naturally, it begins to rain right when you’re talking to him outside. sighing to yourself, you gesture for him to come with you to your car in the half-empty parking lot, which he wordlessly agrees with.

it’s pouring by the time you’re both seated, the heavy rain rolling down the glass windows of the car.

it’s completely silent between you as you sit beside one another, staring dead ahead at the street.

your voice is hoarse when you tell him your verdict on the matter.

“we’re gonna cover it up.”

mingyu turns his head to look at you in disbelief, but you don’t move a muscle. “… what?”

“i believe i’ve told you i don’t like to repeat myself.”

“no one in their right mind would do that. no one would help me cover it up.” he exhales, eyes moving rapidly as he tries to process what you’re proposing to him.

“no one in their right mind would commit murder, either, but that certainly didn’t stop you.”

well, you have a point there.

“just tell me one thing,” mingyu asks, hoping you’ll look at him, “why? why do this for me?”

he could cry the moment you do meet his eyes. it’s like he sees a different version of himself staring back at him. “because you did the right thing. i would’ve done the same. well, except for your little affair with me.”

with his heart beating against his chest, he gently touches your hand. “everything i told you was true. it may not have been real in the beginning, and i’m sorry for pretending back then, but it’s real now. i swear that to you.”

you bite your lip. “give me one good reason why i should believe you.”

mingyu can taste his tears at this point. he needs you to believe him, he needs you — and that is terrifying but addictive. “the tapes. you can have them if you want.”

“i don’t need them. they hold no value to me.” you already made copies of them anyway.

“then what can i give you to prove myself?”

“nothing.” you immediately cut him off, eyes blazing fire, but even mingyu can see you do share that sadness that he does, mourning the loss of your connection. “from now on, we avoid contact over the phone as much as possible. you’ll destroy the tapes, the poison — get rid of all of it. we’ll work together until we’ve covered it up, and after that, it’ll be like whatever we had never existed. we’ll be nothing more than strangers to one another.”

“how on earth would we go back to strangers after what we did?”

“by never talking to eachother again.” you respond, swallowing the rising lump in your throat, fingers twitching from feeling suffocated. “get out. you can come over to my place tomorrow, and we’ll… figure out how to handle everything.”

mingyu looks at you, and he knows you won’t let him in again, certainly not now. so he nods.

he thinks of what to say, yet nothing comes out.

so he leaves you in your car without saying another word, walking away with nothing but his mistakes on his mind.

xi. I HATE YOU LIKE MY OWN REFLECTION

“so, what do we do now?”

“our best shot is to try to frame someone else, then take them out of prison after the conviction and pay ‘em good money for it.”

mingyu cocks a brow at your choice. “so you wanna go and do the exact same thing i wanted to do?”

you can’t help but glare at him. “yes, just without the manipulation. don’t think for a second i’ve forgiven you, or that i will in the nearby future, because i can assure you that won’t happen.”

well, so much for trying to get into your good graces again. “noted. so, how do we, um… find a suitable victim? someone who won’t rat us out.”

“my contact in the police force has sent me a list of all the other suspects. we pick someone, threaten to kill them if they don’t cooperate. easy.”

mingyu finds your lack of filter both intriguing and scary, like a switch was flipped and you’re suddenly ready to undertake even more violent measures than him. but then again, he was hiding quite some things too. “okay.”

it’s two days later when you’re holding a now former member of the housekeeping hostage in your spacious private parking garage.

“you can’t make me do this! this is insane!” he cries out, and you roll your eyes, holding the gun in your hand as easily as you’d carry a bottle of water.

you simply shrug. “it’s not impossible.”

“i’ll lose everything!”

“probably. but you’ll also gain a lot of money, enough to get you a comfortable life elsewhere in the world.”

“no, no, i’m not doing this. you can’t make me!”

mingyu looks to you for permission, you grant it with a nod, and he takes your gun to hit the guy in the face with it. you sink down to bend your knees, lowering to your victim’s level.

“i don’t think you get it. either you agree to do this, or you’re not making it out of these walls alive. trust me, if i have to shoot you, i will.” you sternly tell him, attitude changing from casual to threatening.

your partner in crime, who’s still holding the gun, is beyond impressed. he briefly thinks it over —has this part of you always been hiding underneath the surface?

“or maybe it’s your family i should start with? i’ll pick it apart, one by one.” you suggest, feigning innocence in your voice.

it’s then that the man is finally forced to accept your offer, after which you smile triumphantly and tell him he can go home like nothing happened. mingyu watches the change in your behavior, leaving him wondering how the hell you’re the same person he’s come to know over the past months.

but it hardly changes his now deeply-rooted affection for you.

a few days later, you’ve successfully orchestrated your plan and set it in motion, with the man from housekeeping supposedly coming forward with his confession tomorrow.

it’s late at night when mingyu’s still over at your house, and he asks if he can open the bottle of vodka standing on the counter.

“sure. whatever.” you mutter, the stand-offish demeanor you used to hold up around him before getting to know him having returned.

he doesn’t like it. no, scratch that — he can’t stand it.

so he pours you both a shot. “i’ve been thinking about something.”

“well, that must’ve been exhausting for you.”

hilarious. really. he chooses to ignore your sarcasm for now. “in the car, you said i did the right thing. that you would’ve done the same.”

“and?”

“do you really not… hate me for killing him? at all?”

“no.”

“you hate me for… lying to you about it.”

“no.”

his brows knit together. “so…”

“again, don’t take this as a compliment, but i really thought you were smarter than this.”

“i’m just… confused on your stance on the whole thing. that’s all.”

taking a breath, a bitter chuckle leaves your mouth. “i hate it when people make fun of me, like — that’s the worst thing you could do to me. and you tried to get to know me, work with me, pretended to care for me, all while secretly knowing that it wasn’t genuine and you were going to put me in prison. and after i found out, it felt like you were just ridiculing me, for… i don’t know. giving in to you so easily. for being desperate to have at least one person actually care about me the way i thought you did.”

he processes your words with the heavy burden of guilt weighing on his shoulders, while you take another shot of alcohol.

well, he fucked up. miserably.

“when i created the plan to frame you, i… almost held a grudge towards you, like you did to me, for a reason i couldn’t even think of. i was going to be putting someone i hated in prison. a sacrifice i was willing to make for the people i loved. but you completely blew me away. as time progressed, i… couldn’t fathom i used to hate you, or even disliked you. even if you don’t accept my apology, i need you to know that i never… never made fun of you. and i’m sorry for hurting you in the way that i did.”

his heartfelt sentiment gets to you, and you hate it.

“even if i did accept your apology, what then? we’ll just move on with our lives as if this whole thing never happened either way.”

now that you’ve unintentionally given him a sense of hope, he downs another shot of vodka to give himself courage. “it doesn’t have to be like that.”

“what?”

“i still want you.” he breathes out, mentally saying fuck it and deciding to finally be completely honest with you.

the words seem to have caught you off-guard, after which you scoff at him once you realize what he’s saying. “you’re not serious.”

“i am,” he replies without hesitation, following you in your tracks when you stand up, “and you know what i think? you still like me, too.”

“no i don’t.”

now that you’ve turned around to him, you realize how stupid of a move it was to do so. with every step he takes forward, you go back, but there’s only so much room before you hit the wall. “you’re not being very convincing.”

“gyu—”

“i like it when you call me that.”

at a loss for words, you look behind you to find you’re nearly out of space. “i don’t like you.”

“and here i thought we were both being honest with eachother.”

god, all he does is look at you and you feel willing to let him touch you again. he made you feel so good — you liked him so much.

mingyu feels it. he sees you fighting with yourself in your head, so he figures all you need is just a little push to get you back where he had you, to be able to kiss you and hold you and call you his.

with his left hand, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and within a second, he’s pushed his mouth against yours.

fuck, it’s been only two long weeks since he last kissed you, but it felt like forever. this feeling, his touch — you doubt you’d ever be able to feel that with anyone else.

but something in you is still fighting back.

you muster the will to push mingyu away, and he licks his lips from the gloss on yours. both of you panting heavily, you shake your head. “no. we’re not doing this.”

“what? something we both want?” he breathes out, chest heaving up and down.

“something we shouldn’t.”

“why not?”

“because i’d never forgive myself for giving in to the guy who was gonna frame me for murder.”

he merely shrugs, downplaying the situation for his selfish interests. “we hated each other back then. you’d have done it too, you said it yourself.”

his words are true — but it still hurts.

“you’re a liar.” you say to him, and he knows you’re only saying it for one reason — to convince yourself to not give in to what you really want.

“yeah. and so are you.”

that is what momentarily causes your brain to shut down. “what?”

his hand cups your jaw. you can feel his breath on your bare skin, his gaze on your body, shamelessly checking you out before he meets your eyes again. “what we had was real. you make everyone else in my life seem like… nothing.”

“oh, so i’m special, huh? or are you just trying to get back into my good graces so i don’t rat you out?”

his eyes keep lingering on the skin of your cheeks, your neck, exposed collarbones, and he doesn’t even look you in the eye while answering. “you can do whatever you want. i’ll still want you once i’ve gotten out of prison.”

god. he’s really that into you?

“gyu…” you mutter, almost pouting, and he holds your face, nodding as if he understands.

“i know, i know—” his breathing is unsteady as he confesses every dirty little sin on his conscience, “i like being a little selfish, y’know? even when one of my friends mentioned something about liking you, i didn’t tell you, ‘cause i wanted you.”

you’ve got a feeling who he’s talking about. “so what’d you say to him?”

“i said you had something going on with someone else, which wasn’t exactly a lie, since you were on top of me that same night.” he barely allows himself to finish the sentence before kissing you again, putting all his vigor into it, and you decide to indulge both him and yourself this once.

he pushes you up against the wall, and you shove him away again, holding onto the cupboard beside you when you both catch your breath.

“what if i like him better than you?”

“you wouldn’t.”

“why? ‘cause you’re so likeable?”

“because he’d never accept you for who you really are, and you’d find him boring,” he tells you as a possessive streak overcomes him, “just like no other girl would ever want me and i only want you.”

“so i should let you have me because no one else will. what a compelling argument.”

“no. because you want me.” fucking hell, he’s pretty sure his sex drive has never been this high before. “so have me, baby. please — i’m all yours.” he rasps, pressing a kiss so chaste to your lips, they barely touch. his hands burn on your skin.

“maybe i will.” you mumble, which elicits the smallest smirk from him.

he rubs up against you. “you make me insane.”

“pretty sure you already were.” is the last thing you say before kissing him, finally giving in to the feelings you still hold for him.

the sudden motion takes him by surprise, but he regains his composure to kiss you back within seconds. you make him feel so sickeningly good, he practically worships the ground you walk on.

mingyu is always tactile, be it with his friends, family, or in this case — you. his hands are practically glued to your body, pulling you as close to him as possible.

and normally he likes to take his time when it comes to sex. but he’s just so hot right now that he needs some kind of friction, some kind of release. so he lifts you up to take you to your bedroom, where he wastes no time to plunge his fingers into you.

“fuck—gyu—”

this is all he wants. to hear you moan his name like that and watch you writhe underneath him while his cock throbs as he rubs it against the bed.

“you look so pretty like this.” he grins, curling his fingers to watch you squirm and feel you clench around him.

jesus, his pace is high. higher than any other time he’s done this before. the pressure in your stomach builds so fast that you’re almost overwhelmed by the feeling, at which you instinctively reach down to hold his wrist, but to no avail, because he keeps going.

“say you like me back and i’ll make you cum.”

even through the pleasure he’s giving you, you manage to pull your mean attitude back up. “are you that desperate?”

not only does he seem completely unaffected by the snark in your voice — he might even like it.

“so what if i am?” he shrugs, his fingers moving in and out of you while he kisses and sucks on the skin of your neck.

when he moves onto your jaw, he suddenly hits the right spot inside you, and your eyes roll back, a dragged-out moan escaping you.

“bet that feels good, hm?” he whispers, his fangs showing when he smiles slyly, “c’mon — say it. i’ll make you feel so good, baby.”

right after the words come out of his mouth, he threatens to take his fingers out, and you grab his wrist once more, this time to keep him as close as possible.

“fine — i like you.”

like a war general who just won his greatest battle, he’s beaming at your confession. “good. put your legs over my shoulders.”

well, he certainly is determined. he’s back in his previous position in no-time, now with your legs up, and you try to not clench your thighs around his head too much as his digits piston in and out of your hole.

your orgasm hits you within what feels like a minute, and mingyu keeps going even when your legs are shaking and trembling on his shoulders.

the drag of his cock inside you is heavenly. he’s a big man, and you always need to adjust yourself to him, but fuck is it good.

you always like the slower strokes best, he’s learned. slow and deep, to make you feel every inch of him, and he can bury himself in you to the hilt every single time.

“god, you’re always so tight.” he has to suck through gritted teeth to not completely lose it, ‘cause you’re clenching down on him so much that it almost hurts.

“that’s ‘cause you don’t fuck me enough.”

“we should fix that, then.” he responds, sliding his cock in and out of the pooling wetness between your legs, and as the minutes go by, you continue to find yourself in his arms, your body plastered on his.

it’s the ringing of your phone from the nightstand that pulls you out of the erotic haze.

mingyu turns his head to the side, the dark strands of hair hanging beside his head as he’s still hovering above you.

his chest still heaves when he picks up the device to show you the caller id. “you never did tell me what he wanted to talk to you about.”

all you can do is chuckle — a sound that comes across as if you know more than he does. “he’s onto you. thinks you’re guilty. not far from the truth, is he?”

throwing your phone to the other side of the bed, he pushes himself a little deeper into you, loving the way you have to bite your lip to suppress a whimper. “and he wanted you to give him evidence, i bet.”

“he did.”

“did you?”

“since you still have the freedom to fuck me — take a wild guess.”

this time it’s him who lets out an arrogant laugh. “i knew you liked me too much.”

“i could still do it, y’know.”

“oh, i know you could.” he bites his lower lip before kissing you so vigorously again — as if you’re the air he breathes.

xii. ROUGH HEWN BY UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, AND GIVEN BREATH BY NECESSITY

with the noise of the fireplace crackling, you stand by the window of your mansion’s spacious living room, staring outside as you’re anxiously rubbing your fingers over your collarbone.

the man you and mingyu forced to act like he was guilty of murdering your father has supposedly confessed yesterday morning, and yet you’ve still heard nothing. which is strange.

extremely strange.

“they could still be interrogating him.” mingyu tries to ease both your and his own nerves, but you shake your head, your back still facing him.

“something’s wrong. if it were convincing enough, i would’ve heard something. fuck.”

he gets up from the soft couch to wrap his arms around you from behind. “we just gotta be a little more patient. the guy knows what’s at stake should he mess it up.”

letting out a sigh, you nod. “yeah, i guess you’re right.”

just when he’s pressed a kiss on the top of your head, the doorbell rings — whoever that may be.

mingyu remains in his spot by the window while you go ahead to check who’s visiting you. your breath is almost stolen completely from you once you see who it is.

“coming to visit me at this hour?”

the inspector gives you a fake smile in return. “it’s important.”

so you let him in, keeping up the nonchalance in your attitude. mingyu raises a brow at the older man walking into the room, and he crosses his arms over his chest.

“i had someone coming into the station yesterday — one of your father’s former staff. he confessed to the murder.” the inspector begins. “unfortunately for him, i said i’d already figured out who the culprit was, and so i sent him back home.”

“someone confessed and you didn’t think about telling us?” mingyu questions angrily, and you really have to force yourself not to show how impressed you are with his acting skills.

the other man in the room is less impressed. “why would i tell you something you’re already aware of? you orchestrated it.”

oh, shit.

as your eyes widen, it’s quiet for a moment.

“i really hope you have actual proof to back this accusation.” mingyu sneers, clearly hostile towards the man while you silently take a few steps back, slowly hiding yourself more in the shadows by the walls.

“traces of poison were found in the reports of the autopsy. it was disregarded at first because of the small amount, but i eventually began to consider it evidence when i discovered you recently purchased that exact formula from a dealer who’s been on our radar for a while.”

the hairs on your neck suddenly stand upright. is this it? is the person you’ve grown so attached to actually going to get arrested?

“thing is, if i were to arrest you, you’d probably be let go. i know you both have contacts in the police force as well as the justice system, i almost caught someone messing with the autopsy results — but despite that, i know the truth.” the man nods to himself. “and that is, mr. kim, that the only charge against you is attempted murder.”

mingyu seems confused. “attempted?”

“the poison didn’t kill him. you’re guilty of something, definitely, but you’re no murderer.” the inspector’s gaze suddenly shifts from your partner to you, a deep frown setting into your forehead. “the only player in this game that wasn’t making any sense to me was you.”

“me?”

“you know, in my many years in this line of work, i’ve found it a rarity to have a suspect possessing such an… inscrutible expectant stillness. the gears in your head are constantly turning, but no one’s really sure what it is that goes up in there. you’re an enigma.” he says to you, and you listen to him with a raised brow.

as you remain silent, he continues. “at the event a few weeks ago, when i spoke with you, i came to you and told you i suspected him to be the culprit — the man you’ve hated from day one. the opportunity to make him go away was practically given to you, yet you did nothing with it.”

scoffing at him in disbelief, you tilt your head. “that’s all you have against me? baseless speculation?”

“not exactly baseless. see, the autopsy report showed one more thing — he was choked before the hanging. your father was unconscious before you put that rope around his neck.”

it’s so quiet, you’re pretty sure the two men in the room are able to hear your heartbeat at this point.

mingyu turns to look at you with a puzzled expression, and you finally decide to drop the façade you’ve upheld for so long.

“oh, so what?” you shrug, finding the accusation bothersome at best.

the sudden change in demeanor catches mingyu completely off-guard. he can’t fully comprehend what’s going on here. “you—you killed him?”

you press your lips together. “whatever you used on him wasn’t enough to kill him, but it was enough to make him violent. he came home that night just—fucking losing it. stumbling over everything, his eyes were all red, and he yelled at me because he thought i was the one who poisoned him. ‘cause naturally, he’d never suspect you. my father was one to hit me on the cheek whenever he was really angry with me, but he’d never gone further than that. the poison must’ve worked him up so much that he lost rational thinking. so he began to accuse me of trying to kill him, after which he tried to choke me, but i managed to throw him off, and he passed out. and i figured it’d been enough of his torture, so… i hung him in the stairwell to make it seem like a suicide.”

the inspector nods knowingly. “you murdered him in cold blood.”

you’re quick to respond with your defense, though you don’t really care anymore. “did you not hear the part where he tried to kill me?”

mingyu looks like a kicked puppy when he processes your confession. “so you’ve been lying to me this whole time?”

the words elicit a scoff. “that’s real bold, coming from you.”

“but you—you agreed to help me figure out who your father’s killer was. why would you do that if you did it?”

“at first i didn’t, as you know, but you were just so fucking persistent. so i figured i could try to divert your attention from me. i was going to convince you that it was a suicide. then i hear the tapes, you admitting that you poisoned him, and everything made sense. but hey, at least i wasn’t trying to frame you.”

the jab directed at him makes him feel guilty again. “so we both did it.”

“in a way. though i’d argue it was somewhat self-defense. i mean, he came onto me, tried to kill me—”

“you made a mistake and you know it.” the inspector interrupts, making you roll your eyes as he scolds you. “you should’ve called the police. but you didn’t, you just decided to hang him instead!”

“he deserved it!” you retort, displaying the clear hatred you’ve always felt towards anyone who tried to defend the man who raised you. “i don’t care what you think. and you said it yourself — i have everyone in the justice system on my payroll, if necessary. threatening to kill a family member or two also works like a charm.”

it’s silent for a few seconds after you’ve revealed this side of your true nature, and the man just stares you in the eye before grabbing a device from his backpocket.

when he clicks on the button, you already know what it is.

he recorded the whole conversation, and you already know he can’t be bribed, so this is a real problem — because it’s the one piece of evidence needed that will destroy you both.

“you do realize how stupid it was to come here alone, right?” you ask rhetorically.

“what, will you kill me too?” he asks, and when both you and mingyu deadpan a stare at him, he knows the answer.

he’s not getting out of this room alive unless he forfeits the recording.

when you and your partner in crime exchange a glance, the inspector attempts to make a run for it, only to be tackled by mingyu once he’s reached the door.

one last sacrifice.

the sound of a blade piercing through skin makes you jump, your fingers twitching.

blood begins to trickle down his body, after which mingyu pulls out the knife and pushes it in once more, higher up in the chest this time.

“oh, jesus—fuck!” you gasp to yourself when you feel the bloodsplatters hitting your face and neck, and mingyu rips the blade from the inspector’s body, letting it fall onto the carpeted floor.

you both stare at the freshly created crime scene, and you pinch the bridge of your nose, mostly just annoyed at having another crime on your hands.

“well, that is unfortunate.” mingyu sighs, after which you press your lips together, looking up at him.

“understatement of the year. did you have to stab him that quick?”

“sweetheart, he would’ve locked us both away if i didn’t.”

“i guess so.” locking the front door to ensure no one can enter, you cross your arms. “so. are we burning, burying or dumping him in a lake?”

mingyu stares at the body on the floor before locking eyes with you, and it’s like making a silent deal — that you’re in this mess together, and only together can you come out of it, as bloody and violent that road may turn out to be.

well, at the end of the day, you suppose your father was right about one little thing.

you and kim mingyu are, indeed, good together. just not in the exact way he imagined.

after all, love can exist even in the murderous heart.

thanks for reading! let me know if you enjoyed it x

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[mayearies]

SPIDERMAN CLASSIC …. miles morales ⟡

… ꒰ঌ ໒꒱

#MILESMORALES brooklyn’s one and only spiderman!

⟡ genre: fluff | warnings: platonic/romantic pov, implied aged up જ⁀➴ note!: first time actually using miles as a graphic wow also hype up my 1610 fics more damn

the large metal doors shut behind you as the music became muffled. your makeup was nicely done, your dress beautiful, but not for the one it was intended to be seen by.

yup. you got stood up at prom.

he was this guy you liked, you considered a friend. and he stood you up. the grey message from your screen illuminated on your face as you leaned against the alleyway. you were disappointed, yeah. but nothing to cry about. the thing to cry about is how humiliating it was.

you left after a few drinks, you friends toning down your sadness. but it didn’t last long. you just wish-

“hey!”

“wh-?!”

well, this was a surprise. here laid infront of you was the infamous spiderman who saved your city every day. or spiderman 2, most people called him. the only thing different was he was wearing a suit with a bowtie and flowers. and it matched your dress. coincidence? also he was upside down. that’s normal.

“spiderman?”

“yeah! that’s me,” he rubbed the nape of his neck “sorry, is it weird to see me out of character like this?”

“more or less. why are you so dressed up?”

“long story short— i’m finding a prom date last minute.”

that was both true and a lie. the boy behind the mask was finding a prom date last minute, yeah, but it was purposeful in a way. you could have swore he was younger. he sounded like a freshman or sophomore to you.

“um.. yeah. that’s all im really in for. what are you doin’ out here? arent you cold?”

“a little. i got stood up tonight by my date. sucks, huh?”

he nodded like he didn’t know. you didnt hear it from me, but, that was no mistake. he webbed the guy to a nearby alleyway a few blocks down. apparently he had been that pickpocket going around all throughout this week.

a win is a win in miles’ eyes.

“…would you like to be my date? you can say no of course i was just asking-!”

“that.. would be nice. amazing, actually.”

his lenses went wide, taking up most of his mask which was pretty cute. underneath, he could feel his face warming up. and not because he was upside down.

“really?”

“yeah! then i can brag to my friends how i went to prom with spiderman or something, it would be fun.”

“.. would you go with me if you knew who was under this mask?”

“mmm. depends. you seem sweet. my parents say you’re a jerk. you know, that week that rhino destroyed my dad’s car and blamed you? i saw the whole thing so i thought different.”

his face was heating up more, definately not because he wasn’t right side up.

truth was, miles may have been stalking you for a while. he liked you a lot but was too shy to directly confront you, so he watched from the sidelines. found out everything you liked. everything you loved. he just wishes he was a part of that list.

“also, you sound familiar. have we met?”

“what? nonononono- i’ve never seen you in my life!”

“uh huh.”

you did wonder who was underneath, now. you never suspected it would have been someone you knew, but the drastic change in tone once he dropped the fake deep voice made you wonder.

you wanted to pull his mask above his eyes to see if you did know him, but he waved his hands at the point where it reached over his nose. he seemed like a really shy guy, despite him being the hero of brooklyn.

you hummed in contentless, “well, my friends might hear an earful from me about this encounter. and how i’m going to be dancing with the savior of new york. so thanks for that, spidey.”

you gave him a small kiss on the cheek and he froze, fully expecting a kiss on the lips. peter told him about this whole ‘spiderman kiss’ thing and he wanted to try it. its how he won over mj, after all.

even if it didn’t turn out the way he hoped.

“woah..”

“didnt expect that?”

“absolutely not!”

afterwards notes: rewrote this twice also hype this up wtf

©hiimayee loves you !

[brilium]

❥ K I N K T O B E R 2 0 2 3

Masterlist

➽──────────❥

❥ DAY 6. Cheating! with Gojo Satoru

Summary. Your boyfriend, hated by all your friends, turns you down again on a dinner that you planned for weeks and Satoru shows up at a bar to wash away all your worries like he always does.

Content Warning. Fem! reader, no use of Y/N, all characters are adults, smut, fingering, masturbation (f. recieving), vaginal sex, cheating, Satoru calls her slut one time but it's more praising, mirror sex.

Word count. 3,203

MINORS OR AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT !!

“Sorry, babe. I’ll make sure to make it up for you next time, okay?”

You sigh, throwing your phone inside your bag and standing up to leave the fancy restaurant with the sound of your heels echoing through the sound of the soft jazz music.

On the way back to your car, the only thought in your mind is all the times when your friends have told you that your boyfriend is an idiot that only stays with you for comfort. You always try to excuse him, but why? 

Do you even still love him?

Thinking about it is more hurtful than being turned down by him on the dinner that you planned for your anniversary, while you try to hold the tears hiding your face on the steering wheel, you make a decision.

You bought this pretty dress only for this night, to surprise him with a new dress. You looked for tutorials to get a pretty makeup on that’d make you look stunning. And you are, so it would be such a lame to waste this night crying over an idiot who can’t keep his word with you.

That’s what you thought in your car, getting excited for a wild night as you drive to the nearest night club and you get inside to get drunk and make out with a stranger. But, your moral betrays you once you get your drink and realize that your adrenaline got you thinking about cheating.

Does he really deserve it?

I mean, he's not that bad as a boyfriend. He at least remembered about sending me a message to say that he couldn’t come to our date, right?

Opposite to what was supposed to happen, the rush of thoughts running in your head makes you feel a little guilty after taking some more drinks. You put the money harshly on the bar and turn to leave, but a familiar voice calling your name makes you turn back to it.

“I didn’t think of finding you here, precious!” Satoru’s voice calls you, raising his tone to let you hear him through the loud sound of the music. “Weren’t you stressed all week planning a hookup or something for tonight?”.

You frown, looking at him with annoyance as you roll your eyes.

“It wasn’t a hookup! It was dinner!” You raise your tone too, but he makes a gesture to his ear, pointing that he didn’t hear you correctly. You lean closer to his side, trying to resume it and be clear “My boyfriend couldn’t make it!”

He laughs, leaning his head to the side to smile at you. His cheeks are slightly pink and he seems a little more relaxed than other times, it could be a mistake of your eyes thanks to the lights moving and flickering, but you get the hint that his pupils might be even a little dilated.

“I thought that you’d dump him sooner or later!”

“You wish. I haven’t broken up with him!” You protest, hitting his chest softly and rolling your eyes as you take the last remains on your glass on the bar in one sip. You thought of leaving, but Satoru always makes his way to bring up a smile to you everytime that your boyfriend disappoints you.

Satoru clicks his tongue, stepping closer to you and leaning down a little to speak closer to your ear. There are so many things around you both in this club; music, lights, people and the vibrations of the music resonating, but even through all that, Satoru’s breath makes your skin shiver when he speaks.

“I could make this night better for you, If you want”.

Your eyebrows frown, leaning a little to the side to look at him with a chuckle. But all your playfulness goes away when his face is still closer to yours, looking at you with expectation and a little smile on his mouth.

“How are you planning to do that?” The answer from your mouth comes out in a soft whisper, so soft that it’s impossible that Satoru heard it with the loud music playing. But he clearly knows that, if it were the opposite, you would have laughed and leaned back, but you didn't.

So, when he leans closer and closer to your face, with his lips barely touching yours is when you finally give up. His cologne has combined with a faint smell of smoke and his lips are slightly opened, waiting for you to take the final step, to take the decision of cheating on your boyfriend.

Should I call him and tell him that I felt hurt? 

Your hand goes up through his body to grab the back of his neck.

He might feel sorry and make time for me if I tell him.

The possibility crosses your mind as your head tilts to the side to have a better angle with Satoru’s face.

But.

Will he be able to give me the same satisfaction as Satoru? 

It's the final thought that you have before his lips start to devour yours, skipping the "innocent kiss" part and immediately grabbing your waist to bring you closer.

You don't know when or how, but your hands are hugging his neck to bring him down to your lips, taking quick breaks between kisses to grab some fresh air and get back to him again. He's holding you with such strength like you might escape from him, but there's no better place in the world right now than being here, kissing him and forgetting about everything. 

His hands go down from your waist to your hips, reaching finally your ass to give it a squeeze that makes you pull back from the kiss to moan softly. Satoru takes the chance to kiss down your jaw and neck, sucking on your skin without a second thought to let a purple bruise grow on you.

The braces of your dress start to fall down while he keeps kissing and marking, his knee holds you between your legs to keep you standing as he rubs the clothed cunt with his bone. You can only moan and grab his hair between your fingers, too aroused to do anything.

There's a lot of people, people too lost on their fun or alcohol to care about you both making out in the bar, they don't even know that you have a boyfriend. But you still hold his hair tightly to bring him up, he moans in a tiny laugh when you pull him, getting turned on by any simple action from you.

“N–Not…”

Satoru sighs, about to let you go but you hold him tight before keep talking.

"S–Satoru…" He looks down at you, staring between your lips and your eyes like he's hypnotized. "Not here".

A bright smirk grows on his face as he answers a clear "I got you" before grabbing your hand to sneak away through the people and get you both inside the bathrooms of the club. To your luck, it was empty and he took the opportunity to quickly close the door with a key.

"Why do you have the keys of the bathrooms?" You ask, still dizzy from the makeout and rush.

"Yaga won’t notice that I grabbed them." he winks at you and walks closer to you to caress firmly from your thighs to your waist, slowly lifting your dress. You let out a soft whimper when his nails scratch softly on your skin. "Are you feeling doubtful?”

You open your mouth to answer, but a moan comes out before you can say anything when his hand has already reached your clothed cunt while the other harshly pulls down the top of your dress to let out your breasts, you startle at the soft sound of a rip as Satoru laughs softly as his face hides on the crook of your neck to keep kissing and marking your skin.

“Fuck, Satoru— This dress was expensive!” Despite your whine, you shout your eyes to ignore how sensitive you are by the friction of his shirt on your nipples. Every movement resonates on the echo of the bathrooms, being the total opposite to the rowdy club.

“I’ll buy you a new one, don’t worry” He whispers beside your ear and you feel your legs getting weak again, so you bring a hand down between his legs on the bugle on his pants to squeeze him up and down. 

Satoru lets out a broken moan on your clavicle that sounds like heaven thanks to the echo. 

The vibrations coming from your bag start to distract you, but there’s nothing that could care you more than Satoru’s hand rubbing your clit above your underwear. 

You try to grab out the phone to stop the buzzing but it's hard to get focused right now, so you throw the small bag on the counter of the bathroom to hold his hair tightly and start to grind your hips on his hand.

Satoru loves how desperate you are, stopping the movement of his hand between your thighs suddenly. You whine in protest but he turns you on your spot quickly to have you looking at your both reflects on the mirror.

The reflection of your sweaty and half naked body makes you feel a little nervous, but Satoru quickly pushes that thought away as he looks directly at your eyes on the reflection while he keeps kissing down your shoulders, the deep gaze on you and the sensation of his hard crotch grinding on your ass makes you feel the most desired you ever felt on months. 

His hand returns down and puts aside your panties to slide inside the tip of two of his fingers inside your wet cunt, your body shakes at the action, holding the counter with one hand while the other holds his hand between your legs by instinct. Satoru immediately pulls out his fingers and you protest, again.

“W–What? Why did you stop?” Your voice comes out shaky, turning your head back slightly to look at his face.

“It’s not fun if you aren’t looking too.” Satoru pouts on your shoulder, returning the tip of his fingers to your entrance to lubricate them with the wetness around your folds. “Let’s enjoy the show together, okay?”

As his fingers slowly start to push inside you, you rest your head on his shoulder, trying to keep your gaze with half opened eyes on the mirror as he is fingering you and the other hand squeezes your breasts, pinching the nipples between his nails and making you squirm on him. All the movement of your body makes the grinding on his erection get more persistent, causing you both to moan and groan as his fingers keep digging and curling on your folds.

Moans and wet sounds resonate thanks to the echo of the bathrooms, echoing louder when your orgasm starts to get closer.

“Sa–Satoru… D–Don’t stop” You moan, almost crying of pleasure when his palm starts to rub harder on your swollen clit when his movements get a faster peace and spreading your juices all around your cunt. “I–I’m gonna cum!”

“Yeah? Are you gonna cum by the fingers of someone who’s not your boyfriend?” His voice is raspy, struggling to answer through his hard breathing.

It’s embarrassing, but you nod desperately, grinding harder on his hand and squeezing one of your breasts while the other holds his hair for support to not fall off because of the big orgasm coming.

“Yes! Yes and I l–love it!”

Satoru laughs shakily, curling his fingers and kissing your neck as he answers.

“Cum all over my fingers, darling. You won it.” He orders, and you cum almost instantly in a loud cry. All your squirming and shaking during the explosion of your orgasm makes you stop looking at the mirror, but fortunately this time he decides to enjoy the show by himself.

Satoru waits patiently for you to stop spasming to let you ride the orgasm as long as you can, trembling and standing up just because of his hold on your body. He pulls out his fingers to grab your hips and you whine breathless.

“Don’t whine, you look like you ran a marathon. One where you arrived at the last.” He teases, resting his head beside you with a smirk.

“S–Shut up.” You hiss, pushing your ass back to feel him and make him groan. “Wait until I make you cum next”.

He moans heavenly again, resting his forehead on your shoulder and struggling to speak with your movements, but not making a movement to stop you.

“I don’t want you to blame me for cheating on your dear boyfriend, y’know?” 

You roll your eyes, moving a little from his hold to lift the back of your dress to leave it hanging on your waist and pull down your panties. You hold the porcelain counter to arch your back better and jiggle your ass for him.

“So you want to lose the opportunity to do it raw?” 

Those words are heavy. 

You don’t even let your boyfriend cum inside, you use birth control but still you ask him to use a condom. You don’t even bother to blame the few shots you drank, you know that he gave you the best orgasm in two years since you started dating your partner. Right now, you don't even care if he rips in two halves the expensive dress that may be covered in sweat by now.

Satoru bites hard on his lip, looking everywhere but your tempting ass in sight for him. Now he’s the one doubting, but it doesn't last long before you hear the sound of his belt tinkling and feel his hands squeezing your butt to spread it.

He looks at your wet folds, dripping down the remains of your cum on your thighs, he grabs the base of his hard cock and rubs it on your entrance. 

"God— Baby" He hisses when the red tip starts to slide inside you and is received by your gummy walls already tightening. You moan sharply when he starts to push and let you feel his hard veins "You’re so fucking tight. So hot."

You moan sharply without any doubt anymore as his length makes his way inside you. Even if you can't see him, you feel the slight curvature of his cock pushing more and more on your G-Spot.

"I haven't had a good fuck in some time." The words come out in a breath once he has finally pushes all inside, his hands grab your hips firmly before he starts thrusting with a slow rhythm.

After the first orgasm, you’re still sensitive with any touch of his skin on yours.

"I guess I can fix that." He laughs, starting to send thrusts that make your ass jiggle slightly by the hit. Satoru's patience seems to blow away once you start to push back for more.

"Please… Ruin me, please" you fix your gaze again on the mirror, loving how Satoru seems almost hypnotized by your ass recoil while you get a view of your tits hanging side to side from his thrusts. "Make me feel guilty for enjoying another man's cock so much".

"Fuck— You're such a dirty girl, huh?" Satoru finally starts to send harder thrusts that resonate loudly, not enough with the sound of  his hips hitting your ass, his hand sends a slap on it, making you moan in a broken voice "A slut so fucking needy for a good cock, yeah?"

“Yes—! Yes I–I am” You nod, too cock drunk by how he keeps hitting on the weak spot on your gummy walls.

He laughs shakily and grabs your neck to bring your back against his chest, his hand holding your neck as the other crosses around your stomach to hold your cunt close to his thrusts.

It's hard to look at the reflection with the small tears forming on your eyes since this position gives his curve a better angle to get you crying his name. Your hands just can hang on your sides as your body receives all his hard thrusts. 

Satoru also looks at the reflection with his lips half opened and keeping his gaze on your numb body. When your insides start to tighten around him on the advice of your second orgasm approaching Satoru bends again your body closer to the counter. 

His hand grabs one of your thighs to put it on the counter and push your face against the mirror, his cock slams harder than before inside you as your body smashes violently on the mirror while your orgasm hits you screaming his name.

"Fuck— You're a fucking angel, gorgeous" Satoru keeps thrusting hard and messy until, in a hard thrust, you feel a warm start to fill your aching cunt.

You breathe heavy against the mirror, leaving a spot of mist on it while your whole body trembles while Satoru keeps thrusting inside you to push his cum further as the music of the club sounds like it's far away from you.

You both stay like that for a little, trying to put your heartbeats again on a stable rhythm. 

Satoru gently seats you on the counter when he pulls out and notices the weakness on your body. You blush softly, mumbling a soft 'Thanks' with your dry throat.

"No round two, then?" He jokes, fixing his pants and grabbing some paper towels from the dispenser.

"You look as fucked out as me, Satoru" you laugh softly, pointing at his flushed cheeks and sweaty forehead. He approaches near you to clean you with the paper towels you startle, pushing him immediately "Wait— What are you doing!?"

"Cleaning you up?" He asks with an skeptical tone "I know that anyone has ever cummed inside you and you don't know that, but—"

"I've done it like this before, Satoru".

Satoru only answers a soft "Oh" that is followed by a wide grin, his hand gives your thigh a small squeeze that makes you jump on your spot slightly.

"So you've been naughty before, huh?"

"Shut up, Satoru" you look away from him, pulling closer your bag to give it to him "I have some tissues here, use them. I don't trust in those paper towels".

"We literally just had sex in here" he protests, but still grumbles around your small bag to look for the tissues, but suddenly stops the movement when he notices something.

Instead of grabbing your tissues, Satoru brings out your phone and shows you a screen of a call in progress with your boyfriend.

You quickly grab the phone and put it on speaker, hoping that he answered with the phone still on his jeans.

"Hello?"

"Fuck off". You hear his voice and then the finished call sound comes.

You don't even feel bad or guilty after finding out that he maybe heard you fucking with another man, you just look at the phone surprised by all the things that happened so quickly. 

After some seconds, you feel again Satoru squeezing your thighs and you look up from your phone at his smirk looking at you with wide eyes.

"So… Are you single now?"

[small-world-au]

Sora Aguilar

———INCOMING BIG ASS POST———

Actual name: ???? Aguilar Yuki

Age: Same as the main trio

Personality type: ISFP

Ethnicity: Asian (Japanese) & Hispanic (Mexican) <- updated

Hair color/type: Dark purple (tho it looks like dark brown.) straight-curly

Eye color: light blue (beta) brown (officially)

Skin color: super light tan/dark pink

Gender: Male

Family: Natalia Aguilar (maternal grandmother)

Gabriela Aguilar (Mother 🪦)

Shino Yuuki (Father 🪦)

Dante (Stepfather)

Noelia Aguilar (Maternal aunt🪦)

Unknown (Maternal uncle)

Rowena Pagonis (Older half sister🪦)

Kip (therapy dog)

Stone (childhood sweetheart/husband)

Friends: Bailey, Jasper, Finn, Skipp, Zaria, Vinnie, pebble, maggot, Bailey’s kittens, Finn’s rat babies, old man Howard, Maroon, Olive, Ray, Rui, Maple, Chris, Zaria, Charlie, and Allay

Neutral: Tre, Rigel & cen, karma, Doña Mari, and Ivan Franzwick

Enemies: Fritz (the butler), ditch, Nadia (personal reasons), Jay, arrogant lootbags, street gangs, and AVRILLE!!!!

LIKES

Books

Sewing

Baking

Poetry

Cute animals

Stone

Spending time with friends/family

Exploring

Springtime

Food!!!

Caring for the young

DISLIKES

SHOESSSSS!!!!

Rude/whiny scraps & loot-bag

Leaving kip behind

Being treated as a 🏆

Discrimination

Art/writing block

Not being good enough

Disappointing his family

Leaving Stone and friends

Obsessive creeps

His dad and avrille

His beloved ones getting hurt

Being unable to help/being useless

Thunderstorms

Arguments

Street fights

Being cooped inside for too long

Sora Aguilar is one of the main character of my au. A sweet, gentle, and kindhearted young man filled with curiosity, who would do anything for the sake of his friends and family, even if it means sacrificing his own needs and wants.

He is Rowena’s younger half-brother, Gabriela’s and Shino’s only son, Natalia’s grandson, and Noelia’s nephew.

He’s a close friend to the scraps and a mom-friend who cherishes his own group dearly. He is also Stone’s childhood best friend/sweetheart.

He and his puppy (Kip) lived happily (???) in their mansion, until they wake up one night inside a big bag that was left on the streets of ramshackle.

Edit: ABOUT DAMN TIME I DID THIS SHIT!!!!!!!

Update 2: Sora’s now half Mexican!

Why? Cuz am Mexican.

Update 3: references and other ocs from “small world” au!

More facts below!!!!

[randomlonelymusician]

Mental Health in Media - Mikoto Kayano

Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID, has a complicated history in media. It's often portrayed as dangerous, or something that makes the person violent, such as with the 'murderous alter*' trope. These portrayals treat people with DID, or systems, not as people with a disability, but as "crazy" or as people to be feared. And fear and lack of sympathy are the two main drivers of hatred.

Then, in mid-2020, an anime music project released called MILGRAM, focusing on ten prisoners all guilty of murder (loosely). And along with it came Mikoto Kayano.

Mikoto Kayano is the ninth prisoner of MILGRAM, and on the surface seems like an average young adult who has no clue what he did or why he's in prison. But in his first music video [1], it's revealed that one, he is a murderer, and two, he has DID. Some fans of the series, systems or otherwise, took issue to this portrayal, as it falls right back in to the murderous alter trope. But beyond just the content of the music video, there's a lot more to Mikoto and his "murderous" alter, dubbed "John" by the prison guard, that makes his case a lot more complicated.

Like all characters in MILGRAM, Mikoto is portrayed in a morally grey and nuanced light. But above that, there's more to his character than his crime. Mikoto has a past: he has a job, a family, hobbies, and motivations. He's portrayed as a person, not a monster. And what I love is his John also gets to speak for himself [2]. As presumably the protector** in his system, John kills to "save" Mikoto from the stress and trauma of his life. (Besides having an abusive childhood, it's implied he isn't in a great space at work, either.)

He’s not the type of person who could do stuff like that! He always looks out for others, always reads the room, always tries to get along with people around him! He can’t do stuff like that… He was on the verge of exploding! That’s why I was born. It’s obvious, isn’t it? [Mikoto] didn’t do anything!

Mikoto/John isn't just some scary, cold-hearted killer. He's a human who's gone through so much and met his breaking point over and over. Allowing Mikoto to have this humanity, and John to have his own voice, are what allow this portrayal to rise above all of these tired tropes into something more complex.

But there are a few issues, of course. Besides falling into that trope in the first place, the depth of Mikoto's life outside of MILGRAM is shallow compared to the other prisoners. Both of his music videos focus very heavily on the fact that he has DID. With other prisoners, the audience gets to learn about their victim, the circumstances around the crime, and further information about their past. With Mikoto's music videos, there is little information on the victim or the circumstances leading up to the crime; everything is extremely broad. And little is known about his past, his family life, or even his trauma. To some, this could be disappointing to see his DID be the main focus of his crime.

But despite these gripes, many fans, especially systems within the MILGRAM community, love and appreciate Mikoto. He may not be considered perfect representation, but for people who have had their disability be constantly demonized, it's nice to see a character who's treated like a person.

Thank you for reading! I do not have DID or a DD myself, so everything here is either from research, personal accounts online, or info from my sister who has a DD -> @gxrogurl

Citations & *'s below:

Dissociative Disorders Information in the DSM-5 TR (p 491)

MeMe [The First Trial Music Video]

Second Voice Drama "Neoplasm" and Translations

*Alter - a part of a system, often having a unique name and personality

**Protector - an alter whose role is to protect the system from physical, emotional, or mental harm; some methods can be destructive, others are not

If anything seems incorrect, please let me know!

[untamedmetablogiguess]

finally got around to watching Fatal Journey and honestly the most devastating part of it is not how it gives us adorable baby Nie brothers ( though that does hurt), nor how it makes Huaisang accidentally implicated in the music poisoning (though that hurts, too) - it’s how it deepens Huaisang’s character from merely a harmless pleasure-seeker to a genuinely good person.

the version of Huaisang we see in the show proper isn’t particularly interested in being moral! He’s not a BAD person, he doesn’t want to hurt anybody, but neither does he particularly care to be GOOD. he leaves that, like all the tough parts of life, to his da-ge to take care of. Surely Mingjue is righteous enough for both of them! Huaisang’s no good in a fight- surely he’d just get in the way! Huaisang’s tragedy, originally, is his descent from a lovable goofball, a harmless fop, a perpetual baby brother, into a hardened, ruthless, desperately lonely man hellbent on revenge no matter how many people he has to destroy on the way. And that’s a pretty good tragedy!

but with the material introduced in Fatal Journey, Huaisang appears to be a genuinely good person- a much better person than anyone ever gave him credit for. He sees something he believes is morally reprehensible being done by the people he loves and respects- especially his brother, who is regarded as a paragon of righteousness in their society- and he stands up and says ‘no.’ I don’t think ANYONE else does that, at least where we can see it. WWX’s whole DEAL is doing the right thing in the face of people who have waaay more power than him (Wens, Jins….), but he’s never put in this specific situation because the people he loves and respects aren’t the ones doing morally reprehensible things! The closest parallel we see is maybe LWJ fighting the Lan elders in defense of WWX, but that is much less a principled stance based on moral virtue and much more an act of tremendous personal love and sacrifice. He’s not doing it because it’s there right thing to do, he’s doing it because he loves WWX and doesn’t CARE whether that’s right or wrong anymore.

NHS is put in a fairly unique position where he is directly exposed to some of the basest hypocrisy of the cultivation world, and instead of saying ‘well, da-ge’s doing it so it must be okay, I guess it's not really that bad,” he says ‘No, this is unacceptable.’ He says ‘You’re better than this. WE are better than this. We HAVE to be better than this.’ He is not, ultimately, able to change anything about it, because he doesn’t have that kind of power, but he SAYS it, he makes it clear, directly to NMJ’s face, that he is disappointed in him, and ashamed of what he is doing, and he thinks it’s wrong.

and the fall from THAT, from someone who argues that exploiting the corpses of the dead is wrong EVEN if those people were criminals, into someone who would deliberately desecrate the body of a woman he KNOWS is innocent because it’s the best way he can think of to hurt the person he wants to hurt, a person for whom the ends justify any and all means, and who ignores or disregards the collateral damage of any other lives destroyed - that’s SO MUCH WORSE. That hurts SO much more.

[mahou-furbies]

Alright here's the results for the 2024 Precure Hopes and Predictions!

Q1: Hopes for the theme of the season?

Technology/games. Or more likely: science?

Military, video games

Technology / Gaming

Computers and/or bugs

Video games/Tech

the arts (both performing and visual)

Seriously hoping for creating things as a theme

Art theme! Or something winter-related (a precure team located in Hokkaido? That would be so cool!)

I would like a season based on a combination of gemstones and popular hobbies like arts, sports, and science. It can have a moral theme of "finding your inner sparkle, your one true talent."

I've always thought that season-based characters (spring, summer, etc.) were really fun, with lots of possibilities as far as power and design go! But it would be harder to have a sixth ranger, and we've just had a 4+1 season, so I'm not too hopeful… I guess I'd like a story around art (like, each of the girl represent a certain form of creativity?) We've had lots of cures who were artist of some kind, but their interests are rarely reflected by their cure powers!

someday i want a 4 seasons precure

Flowers

I hope for flowers theme or elementals but i think it will be idols or fashion

Insects would be fun! (ladybug lead, butterfly and honeybee Cures. Moth midseason!)

Carnival.

Cars and racing, fairy tales (specifically Peter Pan), music and dancing

We never had a proper fairy/fairy tale season, so that!

Fairy

unlikely but aliens would be fun

cats/felines + lolita fashion + fantasy

Pirates

Mythology

Gemstones

Sports

Q2: Predictions for Cure theme colours?

Standard pink/yellow/blue to follow the pattern Hugtto set

please please please don’t go back to pink/blue/yellow

Ideal - Pink/Yellow/Green/Blue or White; Realistic - Pink/Blue/Yellow/Purple

Pink, blue, yellow, purple

Pink, Blue, Yellow, Purple, Red

I want a blue and a pink at first, then green and yellow (maybe also purple) but I am sure it will be pink/blue/yellow again

Pink, Blue, Yellow, Purple maybe, No green lol

Pink, blue, yellow, purple, maybe green?

I'm kind of curious, since Toei got pretty original with the colour scheme this year… My guess is, either they'll go for something super conventional like Healin Good or Delipre, or they're going to keep their "unique color scheme" streak.

Similar to ALaMode it can be the standard trio (PBY), followed by a red and purple duo, and later joins a vibrant green.

pink, blue/teal, purple, black/white/grey would be super cool!

Pink, Orange, Green, Yellow, Blue, Purple

Pink - Blue - Red - White (midseason)

Pink, Red, Purple

Pink, blue, green

Pink, red, white, and purple

White, orange, indigo, green, red, teal

dark pink/red, blue, and gold (later cures would be green, purple, and black/white/grey)

For gaming: the usual letter button colors (red green yellow blue) For science: uhh, def needs a Cure Combust thats red. I imagine her having a combo attack with a blue cure that makes blue fire.

Pink leader (current season was too revolutionary, time for Toei to get back to a safer structure), a yellow/orange, a blue one, a mixed weird color joining mid-season and hopefully a green cure

for aliens green orange pink

Green pleasssse (probably pink for the main Cure)

We've gotta get at least one green cure right?

Two colours for each Cure.

Q3: How many Cures do you expect there to be at the start?

Q4: Any other thoughts?

Hopefully there'll be more than one villain active at the same time, Hirogaru Sky was honestly kind of disappointing in that regard (it does not help that the first villain's debut came with a fart joke).

I'm fine with another pink, yellow and blue Cures, but please, at least try to make them different by using different shades of said colors. There are so many, don't settle for the most basic color palette.

If it doesn't happen, I could always make fancures instead.

I really want a cure who becomes an engineer of some kind in the epilogue. Specifically a girl becoming an engineer

I am sure it will not be what I want XD but precure prove me wrong this year!

I would love unique flower motifs for each cure. All of the possibilities!

Mythology would also be a fun theme, but the Tropical team had a phoenix and so did Cure Wing, so they would probably try to space that out.

The cures' designs would be based on wild cats and domestic cat breeds: maine coon, norwegian forest cats (e.g cure forrêt), serval, jaguar. There would be a cat goddess (who could possibly also be a precure)!

Male Cure, Twins as cures, a disabled cure, a chubby cure, and a cure of color (like Elena)

I think it'd be neat to have the main trio be required to transform together as a call-back to Black/White, Bloom/Egret, Melody/Rhythm, Miracle/Magical, and Macherie/Amour, plus to keep celebrating 20 years of Precure

they will go back to pink/blue/yellow

i want scifiesque magical girls i feel like theres been lots of fairytale themeing recently and i want something very different also the idea of the midseason cure being the pink one amuses me greatly

I want more boy cures

A male lead, preferably voiced by Yuki Kaji

Please, no babies, not another one…

Random list of elements that (I think) haven't been done that much in a precure season: 1) Have cures be siblings/give a significant role to a cure's sibling. 2) Have characters actually be in a romance! I know precure has a young demographic, so romance isn't exactly important, but it's a bit tiresome how many precure romances tend to be unresolved crushes that are dragged throughout the season! I don't care if it's girl/girl, girl/boy or boy/boy, it would just be nice to see characters confess to each other and have their relationship build from there throughout the story. 3) I know there have been debates on relationships between the cures and the villains, how redeemable the villains are, how much the cures should be concerned about them, etc., but I'd like Toei to play on that dynamic more. Maybe a villain questioning their allegiance, or even turning out to be a mole for the good guys! Or on the opposite side, a cure joining the bad guys willingly, whether misguidedly or to become a mole themselves! 4) Fun stuff with the mascots! The mascots are a family! A mascot is a family member of a cure (don't ask me how that works!) Secretely-a-villain mascot! Mascot who is reluctant in their role and a bit cranky! 5) Families and non-magical friends being a relevant part of the cures' life. To be fair, it has been done several times, but it's always nice to see. 6) Boarding school!

Thanks to everyone who took part, reading these was super fun. Let's see if anyone got it right! (though you only get half of a point if the pink-blue-yellow prediction turns out right lol)

[2012wannabe]

spoiler warning arcane s2

Is anyone else kind of disappointed by season 2? Like the episodes are amazing but I feel like Vi’s character is so neglected. We barely get to see her thoughts and feelings and the impact all the trauma she’s gone through is brushed over. Her pit fighter era was supposed to be an amalgamation of all of her trauma, and the guilt that she’s feeling and it’s essentially just a music video and then never elaborated again.

Vi compromises herself, her character, her morals, her values for Caitlyn and it’s just never revisited and then she gets betrayed by Cait in the worst way possible and then she goes back to her like it’s nothing. As much as I want them together, I think Cait should’ve had to grovel a lot more because what Vi went through was so painful and it’s swept under the rug. Not to mention Jinx actually dying and then everything is just… fine? For jinx getting so much of s1 and act 2 of s2 I think we could have at least gotten one Vi centered ep or even an extension of the scene where Vi and Cait are fighting in act 3.

When the semester’s over I’d like to rewatch both seasons and do a retrospective or something on here so I guess I’ll see if my feelings change.

[miyakuli]

Triangle Strategy

My obsession since a month. I finished all the routes and played so many hours, I'm finally ready to present it to you and I hope my review will pique your interest and that you'll join me in this then xD (because I LOVE IT TOO MUCH).

Triangle Strategy is a tactical rpg that also flirts with the narrative genre, in which you juggle between fights, cut scenes and choice phases that will influence the fate of Lord Serenor and the future of the continent of Norzelia. Let's say it right away, I devoured the game; I haven't enjoyed a tactical game this much since Fire Emblem 3H! The game has a lot going for it, both in terms of gameplay and narrative, but there are a few disappointing points that could have been better executed by Square Enix.

❤ The story is excellent, very well written and very engaging. The geopolitical conflict is coherent, and we don't just see everything through the eyes of the MC, there are also side moments to follow the plot from other points of view. It's easy to see that the game isn't at all Manichean; each character has their own vision of the continent's prosperity, and as a result, nobody really embodies evil or good. There's a real maturity of writing here, making TS not at all predictable or cliché. ❤ This feeling is reinforced by the choice system, since in wartime, no choice is fair to all, and concessions have to be made. This makes it almost heartbreaking to decide. The game offers us 2 forms of choice. First, dialogue choices to reinforce your character's convictions, revolving around 3 main themes: Morality, Liberty, and Utility. Then, scenario choices that will influence your game, based on a debate with your group; in fact, the convictions you've strengthened will help you win debates. It's an essential part of the story, and adds a lot of spice, if I may say so, as well as replayability (4 endings, including a "true end"). ❤ Let's talk about combat. The tactical aspect is fairly basic and easy to learn. On the other hand, it offers real diversity in terms of combinations. Each recruit has their own combat specialities (2 archers will not have the same attack and defense characteristics, and will have very different skills too). As a result, you really get caught up in studying the field, weather and enemies to come up with the best possible strategy. What's more, the game offers a fair amount of challenge in certain battles, so you'll sometimes have to start them all over again, which really pushes you to persevere and find the best possible combinations; it was extremely addictive for me. ❤ In terms of artistic direction, the 2d-hd pixel art is really beautiful, with superb lighting effects and depth of field. ❤ For the audio, the game is already fully dubbed (Japanese or English), which greatly strengthens our attachment to the characters and our immersion in the story. I played it in Japanese and recognized some big names in dubbing, so it really is a top-quality cast. Now I'd like to turn to the thing that most amazed me about this game: the music. Composed by Akira Senju, whose music for FMA Brotherhood I already greatly admire, he created here an absolutely incredible soundtrack! All the themes are memorable and effectively accompany the atmosphere of every moment in the game. I can say without hesitation that this soundtrack has immediately become one of my must-haves <3

+/- The group's main characters are very likeable and pretty well developed over the course of the game. It's a pity that this is not the case for the other units in our group. Their recruitment is done in a very expeditious way (the characters are accessible as soon as you've increased your convictions enough) based on a short scene like, "Hi, I've come to fight by your side". And then you unlock 2 extra stages if you raise their stats enough, and that's it…at least in Fire Emblem, the appearance of secondary units was done through combat, which allowed us to learn and test their skills, it was much more useful. +/- NG+ is really cool if you want to keep playing and unlock new characters or scenarios. On the other hand, why doesn't the option just appear in the menu, it's pretty confusing to launch (because yes, I relaunched another day and had forgotten about the little explanatory window, but come on!).

✖ Some combat animations are quite slow, and you can't really get past them even when speeding up. ✖ The exploration phases are not very interesting (only 2 phases have a real impact on the scenario, otherwise it's just to recover items). ✖ The game's OST is neither sold on Steam, nor accessible on Spotify or anything else, I want to tear my hair out in frustration. PLEASE SQUARE ENIX, LET ME OWN THIS MUSIC!!!! (;;)

As you can see, after 80 hours of play, Triangle Strategy is for me an excellent game in its genre, thanks to its narrative and strategic qualities, and I can say that I felt a great sadness to have finished it x') However, I'd recommend it to those who like to read, because yes, the dialogues are rich and abundant, and I think that might put off a lot of people expecting more combat and less blah-blah.

As far as I'm concerned, it's this balance between narrative and combat that gives this game its charm and strength, and which I'm sure will convince other lovers of the genre. I'm convinced of it.

➡ My Steam page

[glowxie]

does yalls therapist give u advice that would NOT fucking fly on here too or is mine just in her 50s

[rant below]

like ok. since the truth abt wilbur dropped it has been a steady topic in therapy (sidenote- i literally do not know why but this is a common thing for me. i often get obsessed w media, run w that for maybe a year, fall out of the fandom but still latch onto a couple characters/creators/whathaveyou. for dsmp it was the sorry boys with HEAVY emphasis on ran and wil)

i also have ocd and have a really hard time with "morality" as i call it. genuinely dont know what else to call it. anyway that translates a lot into completely dropping people/musicians/creators etc when i find out theyve actively hurt people.

it's also me doing genuine hours of research into new people and never being able to just casually like something. if a song plays and ive heard more than 2 songs by the artist and i like both i WILL end up doing a deep dive on the artist to see what they have or havent done.

ive been working on that slowly but surely. but anyway. lovejoy. shit got me through when my mom almost died and it felt like a whole new type of grief than what i was already feeling because i KNEW my ocd wouldnt let me listen to them anymore. it was a very back and forth process that i still struggle a lot with.

in therapy it usually goes like

me: like logically i know solely streaming the music on spotify will not bring them very much revenue spotify hates paying their artists and ive never bought merch ive never promoted them ive never made fanart of wil- but my brain thinks immediately if i listen to one song im a horrible person supporting a man that committed domestive violence and is denying it. he has so much support and die hard fans that are going after the victims. i feel like by listening to lovejoy im as bad as them, both him and the fans

her: so. it sounds like youre punishing yourself over something completely out of your control. you did everything you could, went above and beyond to make sure he was a person worthy of your support, yet even his friends didnt know about the abuse at the time. youre keeping yourself from something that you enjoy, something that brought you comfort. you did not know, they didnt know, it wasnt your fault he committed this crime. why should you be punished?

and like. i get it. i really do. i guess part of it is im afraid of what people will think. i do not support wilbur. i fucking hate him for what hes done and i hope he rots in hell. but some of his music brought me comfort in extremely distressing times. listening to music doesnt make me a bad person. knowing does. knowing everything thats happened and continuing to contribute to his fame- thats what kills me about it.

i also know that ran would be so disappointed in me for continuing to listen. so i havent been.

i dont really know what the point of this post is. i guess ive just not seen a perspective like this other than mine. i guess i just hope if other people are afraid like i am (and this is my ocd medicated btw. i have extreme ocd) they can read this and see that if nothing else they arent alone in feeling this way.

[cutiemarkofcain]

Rick and Morty spoilers. Under cut for length and negativity. This was eating at me.

I hated That's Amorte so much. It literally makes me angry. I was so excited for it. They were hyping it up. It was written by the same person who wrote Final Desmithation- a really entertaining episode! Morty was going to be in it a lot! It was compared to Pickle Rick and Vat of Acid! And then... we got this mediocre thing.

I have seen Pickle Rick and Vat of Acid, and you sir, are no Pickle Rick or Vat of Acid. And I'm even kinda meh about those episodes, but at least they showed the complexity of Rick's character!

Okay, characterization. Rick was reduced to the toxic dudebro fan ideal of him: asshole who gets away with being an asshole because he's always right. Morty- poor Morty! Finally gets an episode this season and he spent the whole time being pushed around and shat on by other characters and the narrative. Don't get me started on the rest of the family. They were fucking demons- I felt like I was watching an episode of Family Guy, just swap Morty for Meg. (Disclaimer, I haven't watched Family Guy in years, but I remember it being really mean-spirited for a while, I don't know if that's still the case, but yeah that's what I'm referencing.)

As for the theme... I just really dislike moral dilemmas that are totally bizarre and never apply to the real world. Just strikes me as pseudo-intellectual. And what is this episode trying to make a point about? Assisted suicide? The meat industry? Capitalism? Pick a fucking lane.

The story was the worst part. We've seen Morty try to do the right thing, only to make things worse, so Rick has to fix everything (Mortynight Run, Rattlestar Ricklactica, etc), so nothing new there. And it's fine that that's not new, because at this point it's happened enough that it's a trend, but That's Amorte does nothing new with it. The scene where Morty was letting his family have it was reminiscent of a similar scene from A Rickconvenient Mort, except it had emotional weight there. Here, the family's dismissal of Morty is treated like a joke. The suicide angle worked so much better in Analyze Piss because the subject was treated with the gravity it deserved, whereas here it was an element in a stupid thought experiment. And that scene showing the random dude's life? I was so pissed I refused to watch. It was like they realized what an emotionless husk the episode had been so far, so they tried to tug at the heartstrings in the laziest, easiest way possible, with some poignant scenes and sad music. That shit worked in Vat of Acid because it was about Morty and we care about Morty. I can tell when I'm being emotionally manipulated.

All in all, it felt like they took a bunch of superior episodes, had no understanding of what made them good, and threw them into the blender dimension along with a bunch of spaghetti. It felt like it was written by AI.

I can say, with confidence, that it was my least favorite episode. There was nothing I enjoyed about it. Less than Rickdependence Spray? Hell yeah, that episode was dumb but funny. Less than Raising Gazorpazorp? ...Okay, that one had no redeeming qualities either, but I didn't get hyped for it, so it wasn't a disappointment. Less than the last two episodes of season 6, which I refuse to remember the names of? Yes. Even though the last one bored me, at least Rick was nuanced and interesting there. As for the penultimate one... welllll, I mostly felt betrayed about that episode lying to us, so I feel I can't properly judge its quality. So that one doesn't get a score.

This episode offended me as a fan of Rick, as a fan of Morty, as a fan of the show, and as a writer.

Rick and Morty forever, huh? If it's just going to be an eternity of Rick being an insufferable smug jerk, Morty being abused, and both of them being miserable and hateful to each other, I don't even want another day of them. I guess this is the "Too Bleak, Stopped Caring" trope in play.

The only thing that makes me feel slightly more at ease is pretending like this episode didn't follow the main family. And that's why everyone felt like they were from season 1 and hadn't gone through any character development. (The mind eraser device looked different, by the way.) But that only solves the characterization issue, not the rest of it. Edit- realized that couldn't be the case because of how Summer says "parmesan".

Okay, I think that's everything I wanted to say. I hope that's everything, because I don't want to talk or even think about this episode anymore.

[e-the-village-cryptid]

What did you think of Rogue One?

Ah boy. Ok. First, a disclaimer that this is just my opinion, not me declaring some objective truth about the movie. Just because I felt one way about something doesn't mean I think everyone has to feel that way. If people really liked the movie, I am honestly happy for them! And if you really liked the movie to the point where someone disliking it will upset you, you may want to stop reading now. That said, here's my review.

Overall, I'd give the movie 2.5 stars on a scale of 1-5. Maybe 3 if we're being generous, because it was fun to watch in a casual way at some points, and some things were done well— Jyn's character and Galen's moral quandary were the high points for me. Everything else, though— storytelling, sense of place & visual feel, dialogue, characterization, most of the action sequences, overall plot— was disappointing to me. There was very little originality to be had in any of it, and although of course things don't have to be wildly original and never-been-done to be good, it felt like I'd already seen this movie a hundred times, except done better. Most of all, the majority of it felt flat and lifeless. It would have been extremely forgettable to me if not for Andor having already made me care about some of its characters.

Things I liked:

Jyn as a character. She has an interesting backstory, was well-acted, and has a depth and dimension that I feel the other characters were missing. I am very curious why, upon seeing that movie, the decision was made to dive into Cassian's backstory instead of Jyn's (although of course I'm glad we got Andor!). I think Jyn's time growing up being trained by Saw Gerrera would make quite an interesting story. (Watching her singlehandedly wreck like 12 people while Cassian watched in awe was definitely fun, haha.)

Galen's choice. I think this posed a truly interesting question. Was it true that the Death Star would have just been built without him? Would the destruction of Alderaan have happened without him? Did building in the flaw make up for the fact that he still in fact built it? Did his choice save lives or destroy them? Did he do it because he truly believed he could save lives that way, or because he was just trying to stay alive himself? Was it bravery or cowardice, or both in some strange combination?

K2. He was fun to watch, good comic relief, and I empathized with him a lot.

The death scene on the Scarif beach. Beautifully shot, acted, and directed. No notes.

The music. Lovely, orchestral, classic Star Wars scoring.

Things I didn't like:

My main issue with the movie is how flat everything felt. The characters, the setting— everything felt lifeless. It was hard to get emotionally invested because nothing felt like there was a true spark of life behind it. I'll go by points here.

The settings. The visual effects fell flat to me, but even beyond that, there was no humanity behind places like Jedha. It felt like the extras were told to mill back-and-forth aimlessly in front of the camera, rather than being given something to do that would give us a background glimpse into the culture of a place, as on Ferrix in Andor. The lack of depth to the setting made the locations feel like sets, not planets, and made it hard to feel a real sense of place and emotional connection.

Pretty much every character except Jyn was completely one-dimensional. None of them felt like real people at all, just devices to move the plot along. They each had their character archetype and were not allowed to deviate from it at all, and their choices came not from their characterization or their motivations, but from whatever the story needed in that moment. Their decisions felt contrived, making the characters not believable as people.

Many parts of it felt afraid of genuine emotion. It would pull back on the sincerity right as people died, refusing to actually let the emotional impact hit. Maybe this is a function of being directed at a younger audience, I don't know, but to me it felt like a refusal to take the world and people seriously in a way that affected my emotional investment.

The plot felt like a straight highway where you can see right through to the end and there's nothing by the wayside but endless fields of corn. I'm not even asking for twists, it's just... there was just not much there at all. No real arcs aside from the main one of getting the death star plans, no interesting or unexpected wrenches in the main plan, just... bland.

The action sequences were almost comically cliched. Nothing wrong with some well-used tropes, but after the second time Jyn wound up hanging off some ledge by one hand and had to dramatically haul herself back up, I could no longer keep from rolling my eyes.

Much of the dialogue was stiff and not believable. It didn't feel like people talking, it felt like the writers trying to deliver information.

The blocking was often very contrived and awkward to the point of feeling goofy.

Wow, they really managed to pull the "magical Asian" trope AND the "blind but can ~sense~ everything around them so don't worry they're not actually disabled" trope in one character. Really being efficient here.

(Also, not a critique but I am so genuinely confused on why they were all so dismissive of Chirrut. They treated him like just a wannabe, but... The man can literally dodge bullets and read minds, why the fuck is that not impressive or even like... useful to any of you?? Truly baffling, I do not understand it at all. "He's not actually a Jedi, so his ability to do crazy levels of Force magic that none of us can do doesn't really count" huh????)

(Also not a critique, just another thing I'm confused about now after watching— Why has Saw been so vilified, in canon and by fandom? "He's an extremist" everyone here is literally involved in a violent rebellion, he's doing the same thing "He's uncooperative with the other rebels" Rogue One also went rogue, because the other rebels were wishy washy and unwilling to commit "using Bor Gullet to read people's minds is so unethical" no more unethical than shooting your own source in the back of the head. What happened to enjoying grey morality? Anyway I stan Saw forever.)

[firehananas]

top 5 ships right back at you!

Ooooh, it kind of changes depending what is the brain root of the moment, so take it with a grain of salt! 1. Shura x Corrin, mostly the het version in Conquest (Fire Emblem Fates). The dynamic, the potential drama (class and cultural differences, the immorality of falling in love with the man who kidnapped your cousin/step-sister), the softness of Shura when he is with Corrin and Corrin just being kind and trusting in him is just so 💞 and Shura post-mariage is just so sweet with her <3 I less like the gay variant because it's, in my sense, more built around Shura's dream to rebuilt his homeland (which is very cool), but the support with F!Corrin is more about his interactions with people and founding some self-value, which is better as a character development to get ready to be in a relationship. And that S support 💞💞💞

2. Anthy x Utena (Revolutionary Girl Utena). I'm not an expert of the anime (I've only watched it two times + the movie) but I really enjoy how they both grow as person during the series. Anthy finally leaving Othori is still haunting me, along with the line "one day, together, we will shine". Also, while I didn't really like the movie, that scene where Anthy and Utena are dancing is just incredible??? Everything is perfect to the scenery to the music — people aren't lying when they say Utena invented romance.

3. Madoka x Homura (Puella Magi Madoka Magica). My toxic Yuri, and I think it was the very first lesbian ship I really wanted to see them endgame? Some were disappointing or feeling betrayal by the third movie, but didn't surprise me that much Homura ended up corrupt by her own desire to save Madoka after everything she had endure. I can't wait to see how things will get going in the next movie!!

4. Jessie x James (Pokémon the original series). The first ship I have ever ship. They are just neet like that, theses doofus. Do I really have to explain myself?

5. Azirapharel x Crowley (Good Omens). I must confess, I'm not sure if I'll watch the second season because I can't really invest myself in it (I watch until episode 3 I think)? But they were really fun in the season one ; the dynamic, the teasing between them, it was so good! And the ending was also perfect!

Other ship needed to be referenced even if they aren't on the top:

Russia x Seychelles (Hetalia), completely crack, but I shipped it int the way Seychelles as a morality pet for Russia and them being weird together without feeling judged. I'm not so much in the fandom anymore but I made a ton of fanarts of them back in day!

Rikuya x Kuon (Tenkuu Shinpan). Another crack, and I think I'm the captain of their ship?? It made me think I should continue my rewrite of TS oops...

More an aesthetic ship, but I really like Bisharp x Lucario or Bisharp x Gallade ship.

[jjsanguine]

BL/QL Ask game: The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

From @clara-maybe-ontheroad

I feel like starting a random tag ask game for all the terrible shit us QL-lovers put up with, sometimes for pleasure, sometimes for pain, sometimes for both! The list of questions ended up being very long so no one has to do them all, just the ones you want, but I'm excited to see what everyone comes up with :)

The categories are:

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL

I listen to basically anything so I've yet to really be weirded out. I have kpop, world music, afropop, Afrobeats, gospel, country, drill, R&B, praise and worship (?) and others I don't know the genre names for jumbled together in the same playlist lmao.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute)

"Let's kiss the dog together" in Lovely Writer. I don't like dogs so this made me crease even more. Kissing animals is gross I'm sorry.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad)

Any line I truly disliked is blissfully gone from my memory.

Most stupid decision made by a character

Any of Phupha's decisions in The Promise (2023), but chiefly the decision to disappear from 10 years. I know it was the driving force in the show but it was still a fucking terrible decision.

Worst plot line

Gram x Eugene in Not Me. Literally huh ??? I choose to ignore it.

The most problematic show you've watched

Probably Tharntype. I do not care what happened in Lhong's life man. Why are you muddying a cartoon villain with a sob story.

A show people love but you find bad

I never finished Love In The Air or Gap the Series. I didn't find them bad really, I just got missed an episode and then never caught up.

A show people find bad but you will defend

I don't know if people dislike the while show but secret crush on you episode 1 makes you want to peel off your skin and wring the ick out of your bones. But after you've taken a month or so to recover from that, it's a masterpiece.

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it

Probably Tharntype, purely based on me watching it several times but also wanting to throw my phone for like 80% of the runtime. It's like when I eat food and go "I'm not sure how I feel about this" the entire time, but have to conclude logically that I liked it somewhat since I finished it all of my own volition.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated

A lot a lot of them. I am easily pleased.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny

There's no level of horniness that will make me stick with a show that I'm losing interest in. Why would I bother with something that has a plot in that case lmao.

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character

I've never done this with a QL because I could just watch a fancam, but I am going to keep watching Outer banks even though season 3 was character assassination because Pope is my baby.

A bad show that you would still recommend

Why would I recommend a show I think is bad??

The character that ruined a show the most

He didn't ruin the show but Not's off screen redemption arc in Be My Favourite soured the ending a tiny bit for me. Not everyone has to win y'know?

Most awful character that you hated /Most awful character that you loved / A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like

If I dislike a fictional character I usually just forget about them.

A hero that should have been a villain

Joke in Hidden agenda. He was a troubled guy but they could have gone full on toxic with it.

A morally bad character you're into

Kinn. Well, most characters in Kinnporsche. If they were real I'd want a few dozen degrees of separation between me and anyone with such casual disregard for human life.

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into

I don't really keep track of who others are into.

The show that disappointed you the most

Step by step. You don't even need to change the plot, just the pacing.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons

I 100% purged my memory of it, whatever this show was.

[winterburnwriting]

Better Than I Thought! Progress for Jan 18

I was originally going to write a blog today about how I had not written as much as I wanted to in the last week. I started writing this blog earlier today, when I was on break at work after getting a little bit of writing in. I thought I should almost use this as a little confessional. I had made progress, just not nearly as much as I should have. Then I got home today, ate dinner, procrastinated for an hour or two, and sat down to write.

I just finished up a 3 or 4 hour session of good solid work. I feel quite good about the progress I made. When I was writing about my disappointments, the short novel was only at 7,300 words or so. That meant I had only written around a thousand words over the course of a whole week! Not great. Not nothing, but definitely not what I needed to accomplish.

As of writing this, the short novel is now at 10,226 words. Still a far cry from my goal of 45,000, but I'm almost a quarter of the way there! And the goal number is a rough estimate. Ultimately the content of the story is what will decide its length. I am proud of myself for actually finally sitting down, putting on some music (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and a lot of America, both of which I've been using as background music for my writing lately), and getting some writing done.

Chapter 3 is officially done, and with it, the slow opening part of the story is too! The next chapter will mark the shift from the opening where the characters and tone are established to the crazy fantastic elements taking hold of the newlywed protagonists' lives! In other words, moving day! They are moving into the house unaware that it has some vampiric squatters, led by the eccentric and terrifying creature known as The Duke. This is a chapter I am excited to write.

Moral of the story? If you are having trouble writing due to procrastinating and getting distracted, music may help! And when pushing through chapters of your novel or short novel that don't capture your imagination the way you think future ones might, try to focus on those ones you are excited for when pushing through the current work. You can always change things and spice them up later!

Thank you for reading my little blog post. I hope you are enjoying this series, as I am really enjoying having somewhere to talk about the progress I am making. It's a nice tool for holding myself accountable. That being said, I think I might be getting more writing here done than on Google Docs! Ha! Well, this goes faster. Anyway, here is an excerpt from Moving Blood (temporary title).

"

The rest of Lucy’s shift was fairly standard. The alternating experiences of serving customers like normal and hearing her coworkers talk about the new busboy potentially being found dead and mutilated in a shit tunnel gave her some whiplash, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. After the diner started to empty out and the cooks turned into cleaners, Lucy punched out and went to her car.

Lucy pulled out of the parking lot and began her commute home. Dusk draped itself on only the horizon now, with the town now being lit mostly by its many streetlights, cars, and townhouses. She kept her windows rolled completely down to breathe the evening air. Music played from her stereo. She thought of Bram. She was quite excited to see him. As ordinary as the day was, she was stressed out. The move combined with the murder in town may not have had her shattered, but she definitely looked forward to getting home. That is, even if it was one of the last times she would come home to that dinky shithole apartment they called home.

"

Thanks for reading! This isn't a weekly series, necessarily, but I might post around that often! Albeit, not always at this length. Have a good time. Take care of yourselves. I will catch you all later!